#ive just been crying on and off all day since i finished it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year

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Pairing : Seungmin/Minho x F!Reader TW : arguing ; reader feeling unwell ; reader depression (Minhos) ; reader fainting ; reader su**ide attempt (Minhos) ; hospitals ; IV's (Seungmins) ; the boys being jerks honestly (this is obviously not an accurate depiction of them) ; very angsty ; fluff at the end but it's like a sad kind of fluff??? ; Word Count : combined - 6.3k (Seungmin - 2.4k) (Minho - 3.8k) Request : Anonny : Can u write a VERY angsty drabble(?) but with a fluff ending when seungmin/minho argue with reader on how they don't take care of the house and don't let them explain, but the reader was extremely sick and out of the sadness they try to clean and end up fainting, wake up when seungmin/minho come and fluff at the end? A/N : OF COURSE I CAN MAKE IT VERY ANGSTY! THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REQUEST!! I HOPE YOU LOVE IT!!

Seungmin

Seungmin had been staying at the dorms for a while since his schedule was so packed, and usually you’d be begging him to come back home because you missed him, and it’s not that you didn’t miss him, quite the opposite actually. You had gotten ill, and at first, you thought that it was just a minor bug that you’d get over in a couple of days. You didn’t expect for whatever it was to completely take you out of commission, leaving you bed bound for what felt like forever.

You weren’t the type to whine to anyone about being sick though, especially not Seungmin, not because you thought he didn’t care, you knew that he did, he cared far too much sometimes, and you knew that if you had told him, he’d try to juggle looking after you and taking care of everything at work at the same time and he’d end up just as sick as you. You’d hate to pass whatever it was that you had onto him, and potentially even the other members when they had so much to work on, so you took care of yourself, and honestly, it was easier that way.

You didn’t know how long he’d be gone for, and you really thought that you’d have more time. Time to get yourself feeling better, time to get healthy enough to get back on the chores that you had abandoned for a bit just to take care of yourself. It’s not like the house was in complete shambles or disarray, there might have been a few dishes in the sink and the rug hadn’t been vacuumed in a few days. There was some laundry that was most definitely building in the hamper, but it’s not anything that couldn’t be started and finished in the span of a few hours once you were feeling like yourself once again.

“For Christs sake…” You heard Seungmin mutter to himself before you had even registered the sound of the front door unlocking. “It’s a pigsty here. What the hell has she been doing?” He continued to talk to himself as he made his way through your shared apartment, and you could hear the dishes being moved in the sink, rather loudly, only further worsening the headache that you had. Before you had the chance to even get out of bed to explain, he walked into the bedroom, finding you laying down, surrounded by pillows and covered with so many blankets you should be overheating. “Wow!” He exclaimed, shaking his head as his tongue tsked in disbelief.

“Minnie…” You sighed, trying to push yourself upright, the motion causing your head to spin and your stomach to tighten. “I’ll… I’ll get on the things that need to be done… I just haven’t been feeling well and-” He scoffed loudly, cutting you off mid sentence. “I’m serious… I-”

He cut you off again, not even letting you finish before he started to talk. “How convenient that you get to lounge around and be lazy while I’m working to pay the bills. All I ask is that you clean up after yourself. You’re filthy.” He spat the last word at you, and if you weren’t so exhausted from being up all night coughing, you might have had the energy to start crying. All you could do though was stare at him, confused and wounded by the words that he threw in your direction. “I’m glad that you thought you could take a vacation though while I’m busting my ass all week.”

Your head shook quickly, only making you more sick. “That’s not… I’m not on vacation I’m… I don’t feel good… I’m so tired and… I think that maybe I should-” He laughed loudly, although the sound was more sarcastic than anything. It had you wanting to sink down into the mattress, disappear into the thick foam and hide away from him.

“You think I’m not tired? I shouldn’t have to come home thinking I can finally relax after working for a whole week and then have to clean up after you.” He snapped, and you wanted so badly to argue with him, but he wasn’t going to listen, he was already pissed off and he didn’t want to hear what he thought to be excuses. “You know what? I can’t… I’m going back to the dorms. You’re just… ew. I can’t.”

Your mouth stayed shut as you watched him walk out of the room, then the front door slammed shut. He had left. You hated when he was mad at you, you wished he would just listen, but you knew well enough how he got when he was irritated. You wanted him home, you missed him dearly, you loved him. In his mind, he had every right to be mad, and while what he said wasn’t the nicest, it had come from a place of his own exhaustion and annoyance.

“Sorry…” You muttered, not to anyone in particular, but you wanted to get the word out, the word that you had been holding onto for so long now. He’d come back if the house was clean, that’s all you had to do, and while your body was run down from being up all night and any slight movement had you feeling like you’d throw up at any moment, you needed him there with you.

You pushed yourself to get out of bed, your legs wobbling once they hit the floor, but you hoped that you’d get better if you just started moving. The AC had been turned off and the heat had been cranked up, but you were still shivering, just another sign that the fever hadn’t broke yet, but maybe moving around a bit would help… You weren’t sure how, but you could hope.

It was a miracle that you had managed to start the laundry, the constant bending over and standing straight back up to throw clothes in the wash had your balance absolutely shot, but a couple seconds of leaning against the machine had you feeling a little better, or at least like your equilibrium had balanced out enough for you to move onto the next task. All you had left to do was vacuum and do the dishes.

To run the vacuum would require too much movement, and you didn’t want to jump into that, not yet at least, so you opted for, what you thought would be, the easier job. You made your way into the kitchen, just the small walk had you out of breath and hunched over the sink as you tried to keep yourself from puking. Your hands shook as you turned on the tap, it felt like you were shivering, but it was far worse, you couldn’t get it to stop. Your vision seemed to black out constantly, like you were blinking a little bit too long and far too much.

It was like lifting weights, getting the dishes out of the sink to wash them, and even though the water had steam coming up from it, your hands felt like ice. The room was spinning at this point, and you couldn’t keep yourself upright, the exhaustion from everything, the fever, it had all taken a hold of you at once, and before you knew it, the glass that had been in your hand was shattering against the floor and you crumbled down right next to it.

His phone vibrated in his pocket nonstop, he knew it was a phone call, and he assumed that the first two times it happened that it was you asking him to come back. It wasn’t until the third call came in, throwing him off during practice that he yanked his phone out, prepared to tell you to stop bothering him until he saw the number.

“Hello?” He answered, confusion lacing his tone. He could hear in the background of the call a slight commotion, and while he usually wouldn’t be one to worry about things like that, there was something about the feeling of urgency, the fact that this random number had called him 3 times in a row that had a certain sense of panic creeping up on him.

“Yeah, I’m on the phone with her boyfriend right now.” The person on the other end responded to someone nearby, and Seungmins stomach dropped. What the hell was going on? Who was this lady talking to? Obviously it was concerning you, and now he was extremely concerned about you. “Sorry, uhm… Your girlfriend, she uhm… She had an accident and…”

He was already grabbing his jacket off the hook and pulling it on, his feet ghosting him through the practice room doors and down the hall. “An accident? What kind of accident? Is she okay?” He rushed out the questions, sprinting now as his stomach rose into his throat. Had you tried to come to the building to talk to him? Was it a car accident? Were you okay?

“She fainted… There’s glass everywhere and… The paramedics are making sure she isn’t cut up or anything…” Those words only had him panicking even more. Glass? You fainted? Had you been driving and passed out? He didn’t hear any cars in the background, and he didn’t hear any emergency vehicle sirens. “Her fever is really high… They’re uhm… They’re taking her to the hospital… Right now? Yeah… Right now…”

The lady was obviously talking to the paramedics in between trying to give him any sort of information, and it was extremely frustrating to have any sort of details being relayed to him through the phone. “Is she gonna be okay?!” He shouted, his mind in a haze now as he stood outside the building, probably looking like a madman as he ran his hand through his hair trying to figure out what exactly to do and where to go.

“I’m not sure.. They’re loading her onto the gurney right now… They said… She’s breathing… But the fever is too high, she… She might have an infection or something? I don’t know… I’m sorry.” The lady spoke as fast as she could, and Seungmin tried to listen to the voices that were coming in through the background, but they were muffled and grainy and he couldn’t make anything out.

“I’ll meet them at the hospital. Thank you.” He was sure that he probably sounded inconsiderate, and when he had the chance, he’d apologize to whoever the lady was for being so short. Right now though, he just wanted to get to the hospital that you were being taken to and make sure that you were alright.

One text to Chan and his hyung was racing out of the building, clearly confused and worried by the vague “I need to go to the hospital” text that Seungmin had sent him. It was hard to explain everything during the ride considering Seungmin had not an inkling of an idea of what was actually going on himself. All he knew was that you were there and the last things he had said to you were nothing short of awful. The guilt was eating away at him and he knew that if anything worse happened while you were in there, he’d never forgive himself.

“Are you gonna be o-” Chan began to ask as he pulled up right outside the emergency doors, but Seungmin was already out of the car. The thing is, he didn’t know if he’d be okay. It all depended on you, how you were right now, whether you’d be able to leave the hospital with him. He wasn’t okay right now though, he was far from it.

A fucking kidney stone. It explained everything, but it also sucked. They had to do emergency surgery to get it out since it was becoming septic and apparently you were pretty damn close to dying. It was a good thing that you had dropped the glass and that the person in the apartment directly below you was so nosy. If it hadn’t been for her rushing up to see what the loud bang was, you probably would have died on the kitchen floor. At least, that’s what the doctors said.

“Hey… sweetie…” Seungmins voice came from beside you, and you could have been angry, you should have been angry at him. If he had just listened, you probably would have been in the hospital a lot sooner and you wouldn’t have had to almost bust your head open on the kitchen floor just to get the attention of someone.

“I washed the laundry…” You whispered, because even though you should have felt nothing but rage at him for being so rude, instead you felt nervousness. Would he berate you still in the hospital? Of course, you should know that Seungmin loved you, that he’d never mean to hurt you, but right now, after everything that you’ve been through, you just weren’t sure.

He sighed softly, reaching out to grab your hand, gently and making sure to not touch the IV that was poking out from the vein in the top. “You shouldn’t have done that… You were sick, Y/N… Really sick.” His head shook as he scooted the chair closer to the edge of your bed, his other hand moving up to cup your face, his thumb brushing along your cheek. “You didn’t text me… You didn’t call me to tell me that you were feeling so bad… If I had known… Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your bottom lip jutted out into a small pout, refusing to look at him as you averted your eyes to the TV hanging on the wall. “I didn’t want to tell you… I didn’t know what was wrong… I didn’t want you or the guys to get sick…” And even though you weren’t looking at him, you still felt comfort with his hand in yours, and you intertwined your fingers with his own.

“It was a… a kidney stone, sweetie… That’s not contagious, it’s deadly…” He murmured, his tone, although quieter now, still holding the same urgency it had when he had first found out from the doctors what was going on. “I could have lost you… I…” His breaths were shakier now, just the thought of being without you had him on the verge of tears. He wasn’t the best at displaying emotions, not unless it was done in a teasing manner, but he knew that right now wasn’t the time for that. “I love you… And, for the love of God, if you’re feeling any type of sick… Tell me. Please, just tell me. I don’t care if it’s something contagious, I don’t care if I get it myself. I’m your boyfriend, I’m here for you, I always will be… You just have to let me. Can you promise me that? Promise that you’ll let me take care of you?”

Minho

It was that time of year. There wasn’t anything specifically pleasant or unpleasant about it, it was just… that time. Seasonal depression was just something that you had, and as much as you tried to find happiness in the things around you, it was hard. There wasn’t a particular reason why you were so down, your mind just had those days, or moreso, months, where it made you think and feel this way. You had looked it up, it was actually a common thing, although it usually happened more around the winter holidays, but there was no set time for one's mind to decide that it didn’t want to produce the serotonin that it needed. Your mind just decided that right now was the time.

You never told Minho about it either, you didn’t want him to think that something was wrong with you, you didn’t want him to leave you or feel like your emotions were a burden, so you had kept it to yourself, hoping that you’d be able to hide the symptoms of your depression from him when he was around. The thing is, him being around in general just helped, his presence alone kept your mind off of everything, he made you happy. If he knew that though, he’d push himself to be with you more often, and you knew that his career, his members, they needed him more.

Thankfully and unthankfully he was on tour when your bout of depression kicked in. He wasn’t there to be that ray of light that you needed when that dark cloud above your head started to pour, but he also wasn’t there to potentially find you sitting in the bathroom crying because you had accidentally spilled a drop of tea on the counter after just cleaning it and it made you feel like an absolute idiot. Maybe it was better that he wasn’t around for things like that, it would only worry him or confuse him or push him away from you, all things that you didn’t want.

Some episodes were worse than others, and this one wasn’t bad in the sense that most people would think. You just didn’t want to do anything, you didn’t want to get out of bed, you didn’t want to move. The only thing you had managed to do in the days that you had been laying in bed was cry, because ironically enough, you felt useless and worthless for being so lazy but you didn’t want to get out of bed so it just made you cry more because you didn’t even understand yourself sometimes.

The only thing that you made sure to do was feed the cats and make sure they had fresh water and that you cleaned out their litter pans. It wasn’t their fault that your brain was fucked up, and you loved them like your children, the least you could do was take care of them, especially since Minho had trusted you to look after them. As soon as you were done making sure they were cared for though, you would retreat back to your shared bedroom and climb under the covers, your mind running rampant just thinking of things that would send you into another fit of tears.

“Lovey, I’m home!!!” Minhos voice sounded through the entire house, and your heart sank, your own worries taking over. You thought that you’d be over your episode by now, but it had only seemed to get worse the longer he was gone. The only optimistic thought you had was that maybe his presence, his own happiness would rub off on you and pull you out of the slump that you were in. “What’s that… Oh my god, ew…” His footsteps carried him further into the home, but he paused right where the litter pans were, and you realized that you had fucked up. You hadn’t cleaned them yet today, but you made sure to feed the babies, and give them the water. You just weren’t in the right headspace, you forgot about the litter. “Leave her in charge for 2 weeks and she can’t even keep up on this…” He grumbled, and then his steps sounded out once more.

The words already had you going into a state of panic, your throat closing up and your chest rising and falling faster as you held back your tears. You didn’t want him to see you like this. “Shit… Shit shit shit…” You mumbled to yourself, quickly trying to get out of the bed before he had the chance to come through the door, but you had been a little too slow, the bedroom door flying open and hitting the wall, causing you to fall back against the pillow, pulling the blanket over your head. It was childish, it was foolish, but maybe if you hid yourself he wouldn’t yell at you.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” He muttered, moving closer to the bed and yanking the blankets down. The look of disgust on his face, the way his eyes rolled with his annoyance, it hurt far more than he’d probably ever understand. “Did I wake you?” He questioned, but it wasn’t genuine, it was snarky and rude and you knew that he didn’t actually care if he did wake you or not. “Is this the only thing you’re good at, ‘cause it sure fucking seems like it. You can’t change the litter pan? You don’t even have to change it everyday, all you have to do is sift it most of the time.”

Your eyes squeezed shut, looking at him only had you falling silent, and you thought that maybe if you didn’t see him you’d be able to explain. “I… I have been cleaning it… I just forgot today… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it…” You practically whimpered, trying to pull the blankets back up, hoping to find some sort of refuge or comfort under the familiar sheets, but his grip on the fabric stayed tight and the covers wouldn’t budge.

“Does your brain not work? You can’t just forget a day, Y/N. They’ll be shitting all over the house. I clearly see that you don’t mind living in filth, but my babies actually like to be clean.” It was insult after insult, and you knew that he had a right to be mad, his cats were everything to him, but he didn’t understand, and maybe that was your fault for not being upfront with him about what was going on, but it still didn’t mean he had to be so mean. “Can’t believe I trusted you with them. You can’t even take care of yourself, I mean… Jesus, look at you, it’s pathetic.”

You were trying so hard not to cry, he’d only find you more disgusting if you did, so you held it in, your lips pursed tightly shut as you held your breath. You knew that you didn’t look the best, you were wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, your hair hadn’t been brushed in days, you hadn’t been keeping up on your skincare routine, you had let yourself go. Instead of finding something concerning about all of that though, he immediately jumped to degrading you.

“I’m gonna take them to my parents. Enjoy your vacation.” The words were spat at you and you were too scared to say anything, too scared to open your mouth, knowing that once you did you’d just start sobbing and you’d make a mess of yourself, although he already saw you as a mess anyway.

You waited for him to leave, the sound of the carrier crates being loaded with the cats who he apologized profusely to as he put them into them. It was your fault, everything was your fault, you just couldn’t do anything right. You didn’t deserve to be with someone as amazing, someone as hardworking as Minho. To be honest, you weren’t even sure how you had gotten with him to begin with. You remembered it, but you didn’t understand how someone like him could find someone like you even worthy of his presence, let alone his love.

As soon as he left, making his exit audibly known by the loud slam of the door, you were up out of the bed, making your way into the bathroom. You were like a zombie, and when you looked at yourself in the mirror you could only see yourself the way he saw you laying in bed. You looked awful, you looked horrendous. Your hair was knotted and mangled in the back of your head where you had been laying on it for far too long. Your skin was extremely dry and blotchy, your lips were chapped and your eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. You looked like a monster, certainly not someone that Minho would be proud to stand beside.

Your thoughts were worse now than they had ever been, destructive and demeaning as you stared at yourself in the mirror. He thought you were pathetic, he thought you were useless, he thought you were ugly… And you couldn’t help but believe all of those things. How could you not?

With shaky hands, you grabbed the first bottle of pills that you could out of the medicine cabinet, carelessly shaking them into the palm of your hands, not even bothering to count out how many you had before throwing them in your mouth and washing them down with a cup of water. He might think all of those things, but the cats… they didn’t understand, did they? Maybe you could just… show them… show them that you weren’t as pathetic as you and Minho thought you were. You at least wanted to show them that you did care, you cared about them, you loved them, even if Minho didn’t think that you did.

You grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink and started cleaning out the boxes, your head already spinning and your vision blurring, but you were hell bent on getting this done, at least one of the boxes if you could. You heart was running like a train, the sound of it filling your ears as you lifted the litter box into the black bag, trying your best to empty the contents of it, but you felt so weak, so tired, and you couldn’t breathe and everything was getting dark and all you wanted to do was sleep. You couldn’t stop yourself from falling back, it was like you couldn’t control your own body, and before you knew it, everything went dark.

His leg bounced nonstop as he stared at his phone, sitting on the couch in his parents home with his babies surrounding him, but he didn’t feel right, you weren’t there with him and he wasn’t in his home, he wasn’t with you. He had texted you repeatedly and you had yet to respond, something that worried him immensely considering you were the quickest texter he knew.

Maybe you were mad at him… No, not maybe… He was 100% sure that you were mad at him, and he knew that you should be. What he said was out of line, it was uncalled for. It’s not like the litter pans hadn’t been cleaned for days, it was simply one day and he had blown it out of proportion, he had said things to you that shouldn’t have been said at all or even thought about. You were the love of his life, you meant everything to him. He didn’t want to lose you because he overreacted, and it’s not like you hadn’t been actively taking care of his cats the entire time he had been gone.

Now that he was alone with his thoughts, he could see how ridiculous he had been, how rude, how shitty what he did was. You just hadn’t gotten around to cleaning the litter pans yet, it made sense, it wasn’t the best job to do, it surely wasn’t fun. He had blown up on you for no reason and he hated himself for being that way with you. He had taken the time to cool off, and while he was most certain that you probably didn’t want to see him right now, he wanted to apologize, he wanted to make the first step in setting things right and hopefully helping to heal the wounds that he caused you.

“I gotta go home real quick… I’ll be back to either spend the night or pick them up.” Minho called out to his mom, giving her a quick goodbye before leaving and climbing into his car. Thoughts raced through his mind about what you probably thought. Did you think he didn’t love you anymore? That he was possibly cheating on you and that’s why he had acted so horribly about something as simple as the litter? Did you think he was trying to push you away?

His fingers drummed anxiously against the wheel as he made his way home. He tried not to go too fast, knowing that it would only be worse for him if he got pulled over, but he wanted to get back to you, he wanted to tell you, show you how much he truly loved you, how much he regretted every single word that left his mouth this afternoon.

Your car was still in the driveway when he pulled up, you clearly weren’t out or busy, so you were either sleeping or just actively ignoring his texts, both of them seemed plausible and respectable considering the way he had left you. He had stopped off at a flower shop on his way home, and it felt like the first date all over again, his hands trembling around the bouquet as he walked up to the front door. Would you blow up at him when you saw him? It only seemed right, and he’d take every single word that you threw at him if you did.

Unlocking the front door, he saw that all of the curtains in the living room had been drawn shut, the same as they had been, practically blacking out the entire room once the light from outside had been blocked out when he shut the front door. “Y/N…” He whispered your name, his nerves wired as he thought about how you’d react to seeing him. Would you tell him to leave? Would you scream at him? Would you just continue to ignore him as if he wasn’t there at all?

His hands searched the walls to find the lightswitch, not wanting to trip on any cat toys as he walked through the house, and once the lights came on his eyes scanned the room. Everything was the same way it had been when he left, the only difference was the black lump in the middle of the floor. Truthfully, his eyes had darted right over it at first, the shape of it looked more like a blanket that had just been left out, especially since the light that he turned on hadn’t really illuminated that spot well, but when he walked over to the shape and his eyes finally adjusted to what it was, it was like his entire world stopped.

The flowers that he had been holding fell to the floor as he dropped down next to you, his hands immediately wrapping around you to pull you into his lap. “Y/N!” He shouted, his hands actively working to grab your wrist, his thumb pressing down to feel your heartbeat, and his own began to pick up in pace when he felt just how slow yours was. “Fuck… Baby please… Don’t do this to me… I’m sorry…” He was already crying, his tears falling into your hair and on your face as he fumbled in his pockets to find his phone.

It was only made worse when his screen illuminated with a picture of him and you together, your smile so beautiful that he couldn’t help but fall in love with you all over again whenever he saw it. He could barely get himself to dial the number for the police, and his voice was weak, shaky and choked out when he tried to speak. “I need an… An ambulance… My girlfriend… Please… Help… Help me!” Those last two words were shouted to the operator as he became more desperate, your body practically lifeless as it lay heavily against him.

Everything was crumbling, his heart, his life, his universe was just falling down around him and he didn’t know what to do. He held you close against him, his cheek pressed against your forehead as he continued to cry, heavy sobs shaking his body as he rocked back and forth on the floor. “Don’t leave me… You can’t leave me… You promised that you’d be with me forever… You promised me that…” He whispered, trembling lip kisses placed across your face between each sob. “Just wake up… All you have to do is wake up… For me… God, don’t leave me… Don’t…” He begged, tears pouring from his eyes like rain.

He refused to leave you, to let you go, even when the paramedics knocked on the door, and they had to enter the house themselves and pry you from out of his arms. “Is she dead… Don’t tell me she’s… She’ll be okay… Won’t she?” He was on his knees on the floor, his legs weak and unable to let him stand as he watched the men load you onto the gurney, but no one answered him.

The hospital room was too cold, it was too bright, there was so much wrong with it, but the biggest problem was the fact that you were the one laying in the bed right now. They had managed to wake you up, and luckily it had just been a fainting spell instead of anything worse, but he heard… He knew what you had done, and while he was angry with you for trying to take yourself away from him like that, he was even more angry with himself for being the one to cause that reaction in you.

He had just started to doze off on the couch, something that he hadn’t been able to do in days despite his exhaustion. The doctors had to keep reminding him that you were going to be okay, and the only reason you were still in the hospital at this point was to rest and to make sure all you didn’t have any other side effects to the medication that you had taken. He was thankful for that, but he wanted to take you home, he wanted to be the one who took care of you.

Sheets being rustled and the sound of disoriented grumbling had his eyes opening slightly, blinking the sleep out of them before turning to see you trying to get out of the bed. “What are you- Lay back down!” He practically shouted, stumbling over his own feet to get to you. Just the look in your eyes as you dropped back down onto the uncomfortable hospital bed was enough to show him just how much damage he had inflicted with his words. “Baby… Love, I-”

“Why are you here?” You whispered, fumbling with the edge of the scratchy hospital blanket that you had pulled up around yourself. “You don’t have to be here… I probably look more disgusting now than I did at the house…” Your eyes glanced around the room, your eyes rolling as a heavy sigh left your lips and your head fell back against the pillow. “I don’t need to be here…”

“Y/N…” He whispered your name, not wanting to raise his voice too high, afraid of upsetting you right now when you were clearly already not in the best state of mind. “You need to be here… You do… I need to know that you’re okay.” Not only did he need to know, he just needed you to be okay in general, although he was sure you didn’t want to hear that right now. “I love you, that’s why I’m here, and I’m sorry… I’m sorry for the way that I left…”

You pursed your lips, your eyes focused on the painting on the wall that didn’t look to be anything in particular, but maybe you found something beautiful in it. “You’re not wrong… You weren’t wrong when you left… I’m useless, and I’m pathetic and-” His hands were on your cheeks, cupping them firmly yet not too hard, his lips crashing against your own, leaving you in a state of momentary shock. “What was that-” You had begun to question when he pulled back, but you were cut off once again when he kissed you.

“I don’t want you to say that about yourself, I don’t want you to think that… You’re perfect, you’re amazing and… God, how could you possibly be useless when you do so much for me?” Your eyebrows lowered, casting shadows over your eyes as you shot him a questioning glance. “Don’t you know? How do you think I’m able to get through hard days and excruciating practices? It’s you… I just think of you and how great it’ll be to come home… To be with you… You’re the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll always be that for me.”

You swallowed thickly, turning away from him to blink away the tears that had begun to form in your eyes. “There’s something wrong with me… I’m not good enough for you… Or anyone…” You mumbled, trying so hard to keep your voice from wavering, but it was pointless when he was listening to you so intently he could hear the slightest crack. “I just… I didn’t want to not be with you… I didn’t want to be here if you… Didn’t love me and…” He shushed you quickly, his own eyes brimming with tears when he heard the thoughts that had played out in your head that evening spoken so sadly by you now. What had he done? “No… No, baby… No…” He cooed, his hands actively wiping away your tears and his own that were falling at a rapid rate down both of your faces. “You’re more than good enough for me… You’re too good for me. There’s nothing wrong with you… I think you’re absolutely perfect, and there’ll never be a day that goes by that I won’t love you.” He carefully scooted you over on the bed, making room for himself to climb in beside you which seemed uncomfortable for him, but he also didn’t seem to mind it either. “I’m not leaving you… And you’re not allowed to leave me either… Promise you won’t do something like that again. You don’t know how scared I was… I can’t lose you, not like that… I love you too much to let you go…”

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kaixserzz · 10 months

Text

Loyal Knight 2

ੈ♡˳ Il Dottore x Gn!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ 8.0k words ┊ Fluff + Angst/comfort *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist | Part 1 *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

HI GUYS PART 2!! i accidentally posted part 1 when i haven't finished this LMAOO but it's been like a week since i started this fic SO i just wrote it in one goso :3 no beta this time so i can make my beta reader cry like a bitch, realized that reader is kinda like, maybe yandere? idk they're both obsessed with each other anyways LMAO,, also pls dottore rqs <3... WHY DID IS THIS LONGER THAN I EXPCTED NOOOOOO FUCK!!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cw: canon typical violence, basic dottore warnings, injuries, blood, mentions of lots of scars, experiments, and death, dottore and reader r both crazy, obsessiveness/possessiveness from both parties, dottore hits reader ONCE dw it's just to snap reader out of their shit, uhh relationship fights? LMAO idk cant have a relationship w/o errors amirite, cyro vision reader, dark humor cuz... dottore, also kinda suggestive at the end?? nothing happened, just... biting cuz its dottore LMAOO

iv. guilt

Zandik paid little heed to the Archons, celestial beings overseeing Teyvat, and the so-called 'blessings' they bestowed. His interest lay solely in their power, particularly the enigmatic artifact known as the 'Gnosis'. Apart from that, little else piqued his curiosity.

But Zandik held a particular disdain for your Vision above all others. The sight of your Vision alone was enough to sour Zandik's mood, and he preferred if you refrained from using it altogether.

It served as a constant reminder of the day he had made a grave mistake. It wasn't intentional, he hadn't meant for you to get hurt that bad. He hadn't expected it. It wasn't part of his calculations. It was his fault.

Your Vision, which you proudly wielded with joy, became a source of suffocating resentment and guilt for that day. Not that he'll admit that to you.

The sight of blood never bothered Zandik. Not one bit. Acquiring blood samples, blood dripping down his skin from his injuries, and the knowledge of blood pumping throughout his body. Yet when you lay in his arms that day, blood uncontrollably poured from the gash on your side, he couldn't help but feel a sense of dizziness wash over him.

During a routine exploration in one of the ruins you discovered, a dormant Ruin Guard unexpectedly activated and set its sights on Zandik. Despite your years of experience in combat, a ruin guard was still tiered above your capabilities.

But deep down, Zandik couldn't shake off the suspicion that the gods had shown favoritism towards you. In a miraculous turn of events, he was suddenly propelled away from the Ruin Guard's line of sight, shielded by a frigid burst of ice. The Archons had bestowed upon you the power of the Cryo Vision, recognizing your unwavering determination to protect Zandik.

With Zandik's swift actions and your valiant efforts to distract the Ruin Guard, it was eventually deactivated. However, you didn't emerge from the encounter unscathed. The new ability granted to you by your Vision proved to be uncontrollable, you had no idea how to utilize it just yet. The Ruin Guard easily overpowered you, tossing you aside as if you were nothing more than a lifeless ragdoll.

And the moment Zandik ran towards your body, barely breathing with blood soaking your clothes, he knew that he hated your Vision more than anything.

Your body was deathly cold, and Zandik couldn't tell if it was due to your Vision, or if you were already dead.

Amidst the days you spent in slumber, Zandik dedicated himself to your care. His once meticulously organized scrolls and project documentation were discarded and replaced by books on human biology, medicine, and recovery. His focus shifted to gathering various herbs and medical supplies to aid in your healing process.

Your wound was above his medical knowledge, but Zandik adamantly refused to hand you over to those who could provide immediate help. He understood the consequences you both would face if your activities were discovered. Nonetheless, he took it upon himself to do everything he could to aid in your recovery and ensure your well-being.

Zandik couldn't comprehend his own reaction to your injury. He believed it should be trivial for someone as resilient as you. If you were awake, you would scoff at the wound and dismiss it with laughter. But his emotions betrayed him, tightening his chest and filling his mind with doubts. Could he truly heal you? Would you recover completely? When did he start doubting his own abilities? After all, he was a genius, capable of restoring you to your previous state of health. Yet, the uncertainty persisted, tormenting his thoughts and weighing heavily on his heart.

His usual composed demeanor shattered in the presence of your injured form. The sight of you so vulnerable and still, coupled with the weight of his own uncertainty, caused his hands to tremble uncontrollably. Each time he whispered your name, his voice carried a mixture of fear and longing, hoping for any sign of response from you. Countless sleepless nights were spent tirelessly monitoring your vital signs, studying medical techniques, and seeking ways to aid in your recovery. The touch of his fingertips against your skin evoked a cascade of emotions within him, causing his bottom lip to quiver and his eyes to burn with unshed tears. The intensity of his feelings threatened to choke his breath, leaving him grappling with a vulnerability he had never anticipated.

In those moments when Zandik tended to your wounds, his heart clenched with a mixture of concern and fear. The touch of your cold skin sent a shiver down his spine, stirring an unsettling realization within him. Despite his intellect and knowledge, he couldn't help but question if you were still among the living. The fear that you might slip away from him haunted his thoughts, yet he couldn't bring himself to voice this deep-seated worry. Instead, he masked it with a determined focus on finding ways to restore warmth and vitality to your body, desperate to dispel the icy touch that threatened to consume you.

The surge of unfamiliar emotions within Zandik puzzled him. He had never experienced such feelings before, and it unsettled him. This vulnerability, this concern for another's well-being, was entirely new territory for him. It was a revelation that challenged his perception of himself. Zandik realized that he was capable of caring deeply for someone— you, despite his initial reluctance to acknowledge it.

Perhaps the cold has comforted you into a peaceful slumber, but it only reminded him how awful it was to feel your body so cold in comparison to his warmth.

"Hey,"

Your voice brought Zandik back to reality, and his gaze was drawn to your shirtless figure. It had been a month since the incident and a few weeks since you woke up. Standing before a mirror, you examined the new scar that adorned your body. The intensity of his stare was palpable, fixated not only on the scar but also on the Vision hanging from your waist, below the prominent mark.

"If it grosses you out that much, just tell me. No need to stare at it," You jest with faux annoyance in your tone, yet it was only met with silence from him. It was odd for Zandik to act so out of character ever since you've woken up.

The dorm was in disarray, with unwashed dishes, scattered books, and trash strewn about. You reluctantly remarked that you weren't looking forward to cleaning all of it, but to your surprise, Zandik took it upon himself to clean the mess. You expressed your gratitude and told him he didn't have to do it, considering how he had been taking care of you've since you woken up.

But he just told you to lay back on your bed and rest. To not even think about going outside your shared dorm, or lay a single finger on your sword. You were going to rest, and his words were final. Well, you weren't going to argue with that (his cooking was pretty bad though, it almost sent you back into a comatose).

Seeing how unsettled he was when you first opened your eyes, constantly checking on you and ensuring your wound was clean, you knew he was genuinely concerned. It touched your heart to see his care, and you couldn't bear to see him so down.

You took in a deep, confident breath, walked towards him, and smacked his head with your hand. Zandik let out an outraged cry, his glare that you missed so much was immediately on your smiling face. "Now now, don't be so down! I'm okay now!" Taking your sword out of its scabbard, you did a few swings and didn't feel any sort of pain at all. "You brought me back in perfect condition all thanks to your hard work and medicinal expertise! Sure, I may have gotten a scar, and I'm pretty sure you hate my Vision too,"

You blew a gust of cold wind onto his face, covering it with a thin sheet of snow. Zandik was quick to wipe it off, about to yell at you, but was cut off when you let out a lively laugh; one that he missed hearing once more in all those days you were asleep, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Instead of thinking about what happened in the ruins, just think of me! When you get cold, or see ice and snow, just think of me, and how I'll use my vision to protect you!"

Zandik silently wished you obtained the Pyro Vision instead. Then at least, it would've had warmth. The warmth that you had lacked during the days you were asleep, and the warmth that radiated from you whenever you smiled at him.

But you were content with your Cyro Vision, and so he should be too.

With a huff, he pushed your hand off his shoulder. Zandik's voice dripped with cold disdain as he uttered, "Don't be foolish. My actions were solely driven by self-interest. You're nothing more than a valuable asset to me, and I ensured your survival for my own benefit." However, a fleeting glimpse of genuine concern flashed in his eyes, betraying the facade of indifference he desperately clung to.

Your grin only widened, laughing wholeheartedly as you watched him escape, too embarrassed to stay in the same vicinity as you. "There's my Zandik." And you release a breath of relief.

The icy tendrils of his past failure and guilt were momentarily overtaken by memories of you. The sound of your laughter as you pelted him with a massive snowball, your smile when you playfully blow cool air onto his way when he complains it was too hot, and the deadly sheets of ice you conjured to aid in battle.

Somehow, the tingles he felt from your frosted fingertips were better than any warmth fire could bring.

v. realization

But the bitter chill also served as a constant reminder of the emptiness that consumed him when you weren't by his side.

A year had passed since the last he saw you.

Il Dottore remained in the dark about your whereabouts and current status. In the past, whenever you embarked on a mission, you would often find excuses to report back to him, just to have the opportunity to hear his voice, even from miles away. But now, the silence was deafening, and the absence of your updates gnawed at his heart.

You couldn't have died; Dottore was well aware of your immense strength. You were capable of battling on equal footing with Teyvat's mightiest individual, Il Capitano. Moreover, Dottore had made several modifications to your body, ensuring that death would be the least of your concerns. The notion of an enemy overpowering or eliminating you was simply inconceivable. Therefore, the only logical conclusion Dottore could come up with was that you willingly chose to depart from his side.

Il Dottore was well aware that you had left him. Your absence was palpable in the emptiness of your room, void of your presence, devoid of your clothing and your sword. It resembled the stark emptiness you met when you first arrived and were assigned your chamber within the Fatui. The tracker that you've willing injected into your skin was left on your desk, covered in dried blood.

Yes. You decided to leave him. The person who has promised to stay by his side no matter what, even if it meant venturing into the darkest recesses of the Abyss. The one who professed love for him, and whose gentle caresses would convey nothing but adoration in their eyes. You had promised nothing but loyalty, and he believed, trusted you because he knew it was genuine. You had always been truthful and obedient, never desiring to cause him any displeasure.

So why, pray tell, did you have the audacity to leave him after spending an entire century with him? Was it all in vain? Why did you choose to squander such a substantial amount of his time? Did every word that spilled out of your impudent mouth held no true meaning?

You were the one who sought him out. You willingly became an integral part of his life, unwaveringly remaining by his side and causing him both joy and turmoil. You've forcefully intertwined your life with his, so it should be his choice to leave, not yours! That's unfair of you to him.

You, claiming to be his loyal knight until your final moments, turned out to be nothing more than a falsehood. It is only now that Dottore realizes the absurdity of such a belief. You deceived him with your lies. Every promise you made was built upon a foundation of deceit. Why did you choose to betray him? Just why?

Why why why why why!?

It was unbearably cool in his personal office. The biting cold seemed to pierce through his skin, despite his body being engineered to no longer perceive temperature sensations. And yet when he walks toward his laboratory, watching the earliest versions of his segments doing their work without you in sight— he could feel his skin crawl and burn as if he was frostbitten. The sight of endless snow outside only added to the chilling atmosphere, intensifying his feelings since your departure.

"Instead of thinking about what happened in the ruins, just think of me! When you get cold, or see ice and snow, just think of me, and how I'll use my vision to protect you!"

The cold indeed reminded him of you, and in the depths of his despair, Dottore yearned for nothing than to watch his surroundings ablaze just to escape the icy pain that clawed his heart.

Dottore longs for the ability to erase your memory from his mind, desiring to rid himself of the emotions that you have stirred within him. These emotions, which he finds to be a hinderance, have tied his stomach into knots and inflicted a pain in his heart that only your absence could evoke.

Yet, deep down, Dottore couldn't shake the feeling that you wouldn't be able to stay away from him for long. Just like him, you had spent a significant portion of your lives together. You 'loved' him, after all. He was the center of your world.

Therefore, it didn't come as a surprise to Dottore when he found you standing in his chambers once again, your presence both familiar and fazing. You stood there with an air of patience, positioned by the edge of his untouched bed, as if you had been waiting for him all along.

Dottore observed you silently, noting the somber expression that etched your face, your lips pressed into a thin line. Your eyes, once vibrant with a spark, now seemed dull and devoid of their usual radiance. You kept your stare fixed on the ground, avoiding direct eye contact with him, a clear sign of guilt. A quick glance was enough for him to discern the toll your year-long disappearance had taken on you. Your hair appeared disheveled, evidence of neglect, and the presence of bags under your eyes spoke of sleepless nights. Moreover, he observed that you appeared noticeably thinner, as if the weight of your absence had physically worn you down.

As Dottore's gaze lingered upon you, he noticed a subtle tremble in the hand that rested atop the hilt of your sword. It was a nervous gesture, as if you were apprehensive about confronting him, despite having returned to the Fatui for his sake. Cold sweat trickled down your nose, evidence of the tension that filled the air. He observed as you anxiously chewed on your bottom lip, a sign of inner turmoil and unease.

Dottore scowled at your unexpected intrusion, his features contorting with displeasure. Crossing his arms, he assumed a facade of nonchalance, choosing to channel his simmering anger rather than acknowledge the concern he secretly harbored. "Well, well, look who decided to grace me with their presence again," Dottore sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. With an air of authority, he strode purposefully towards you, his steps brimming with an unspoken power. "It seems you've reappeared, after vanishing without so much as a word."

His words seemed to cause you to crumble further, evident by the way you gritted your teeth in discomfort. It took multiple attempts before you could finally open your mouth to speak, your voice strained. "Dottore, I... I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I had my reasons for leaving," you managed to say, your grip tightening on the hilt of your sword.

He recognized it as a telltale sign of your extreme unease, a habit you developed when confronted with uncomfortable situations. The realization he still remembers small habits of yours only fueled his anger, and he shot you a withering glare in response.

Dottore scoffed dismissively, rolling his eyes in a display of derision. "How bold of you to assume that your disappearance caused any pain. You were merely an inconsequential cog in the machinery of the Fatui, and your little stunt only added more irrelevant work to my already burdened table," He retorted, his tone laced with sarcasm.

The sting of his words caused you to wince, feeling the weight of his disdain. "I'm sure you had your reasons," He continued, with a roll of his eyes. "Reasons to be such an inconvenience."

"I thought... I thought it was for the best..." You whisper to yourself, but Dottore heard it loud and clear. A momentary pause ensued as he processed the ridiculousness of your admission.

Dottore's voice grew colder as he responded, his words laced with anger and hurt. "Best for whom, may I ask? Certainly not for me," He retorted sharply. "You think you can just waltz back into my life after all this time and expect everything to be as it was? Well, I assure you, it won't be."

Finally, you summoned the strength to straighten yourself, meeting Dottore's gaze with determination in your eyes. Your hands clenched into fists, revealing the intensity of your emotions. Softly, with the deepest sincerity resonating in your voice, you spoke from the depths of your heart. "No, I don't expect things to be as they were. But I... I miss you, Dottore. I miss being by your side, even if it means facing your anger."

Though, it invoked the opposite reaction you had hoped for.

Even if Dottore had begun to wear a mask, his glare pierces through the material, sending shivers down your spine. Sensing the growing intensity of his anger, you instinctively took a step back. His anger now seemed more potent than anything you had witnessed from him in the past years, intensifying the tension in the room.

"How. Dare. You." With each word, a sharp blade pierced your heart. "How dare you say that after leaving without a word? After spouting promise after promise that you'll always stay by my side?"

You swallowed down the heavy guilt as you looked away from him once more. It was getting harder not to cry in front of him.

"How dare you lie to me?" The words you once spoke, filled with promises and loyalty, were now exposed as empty falsities. The realization of being deceived gnawed at his core, deepening the resentment within him. "Making me believe your worthless vows and wasting my time? I knew you were up to no good from the moment you decided to become my 'friend'," A sarcastic laugh escaped his lips, dripping with scorn. "You liar."

As Dottore turned away from you, ready to leave, panic surged within you. Desperate to salvage the situation, you reached out towards him, "W-wait, Dottore, please! I can explain!"

"What is there to explain?" His voice carried a bitter edge, gaze hardening as he looked back at you. "Clearly, there is nothing more to clarify with your obvious betrayal." His mind had already made up its verdict, leaving little room for further explanation or justification in his eyes.

"Please, Zandik—"

"Zandik is dead!"

In a sudden burst of anger and frustration, Dottore slammed his fist against the wall, catching you off guard and silencing you instantly. The force behind his action was both startling and alarming, as Dottore had never directed such aggression towards you before. His usual demeanor consisted of light annoyance or a gentle scolding whenever you were about to make a stupid decision.

But this display was different—it spoke volumes about the depth of his hurt and anger. It was clear that he was more wounded than he was willing to admit, and the ache in your own heart mirrored his pain.

"Zandik is no more," He faced you again, this time, with his chin up. A condescending gaze set upon your anxious form, as if you were nothing but one of the mere hundreds of the Fatui soldiers that serve under his name. "There is only Il Dottore, the 2nd of the Fatui Harbingers. You are to speak with me with nothing but respect." He spat. "Do you understand?"

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Throughout your life, you had served Dottore faithfully, dedicating yourself to his cause. While he had spoken to you with a similar tone in the past, this instance felt markedly different. The force of his words seemed to carry the weight of his power, suffocating and overwhelming.

It was as if the pedestal on which you had placed him had crumbled, revealing a darker side that left you shaken to your core. A side that Dottore would've never shown you if hadn't acted rashly. At that moment, you couldn't help but empathize with the countless soldiers who had felt the brunt of his authority.

"My command over you is absolute," Dottore declared with unwavering finality, his scowl revealing the sharp edges of his teeth. "You are to leave and never return. Now." His words hung in the air like an unbreakable decree, leaving no room for negotiation or reconsideration. The power he held over you was palpable, an undeniable reminder of the hierarchy that governed your relationship.

You stood there, dumbfounded, managing with the shock of his words. It took a moment for the reality of the situation to sink in, leaving you suspended in a state of disbelief. The weight of his decision bore down on you, leaving you breathless and overwhelmed.

His hand reached for the handle of his door, "I am giving you a chance. Do not put it to waste. Leave, before the Tsaritsa herself bestow you her punishment for your betrayal."

A sudden loud thump from behind Dottore made him pause, his attention shifting to the source of the sound. He could hear your shaky breaths and faint sniffles, struggling to form the words that clung at the back of your throat.

Dottore's instinct urged him to turn away, to escape the burden of your words and the sight of your wretched state. Every fiber of his being resisted the pull to stay and listen, to confront the emotions that threatened to entangle him further. Yet, there was a flicker of hesitation within him, a battle raging in his mind between the desire to leave and the nagging curiosity that lingered. A fleeting moment of uncertainty held him in place, suspended between the need to continue with his work and the possibility of facing the depths of your anguish.

It could be more of your lies, Dottore argued to himself. He refused to be a fool once more toward you. And yet...

"I'm so sorry Dottore... I.... I-I just felt so alone..." You started, attempting to quell your tears and wiping them off with your hands. "Ever since we joined the Fatui, you've barely had the time for yourself... Sure, we're now to the point that we don't have to eat, or sleep but... It was always work— since when did we last spend time together?"

The notion of necessity echoed in his mind, provoking questions that had long been suppressed. How could this sudden discontentment emerge after a century of unwavering dedication? You had been instrumental in carrying out his missions, assisting in his projects, and even co-creating the segments alongside him. When did it all begin to matter? Dottore hardened his gaze onto the door before him, refusing to face you.

"If you were lonely, you could've spoken to the segments instead. You know how busy I am."

You let out a small, weak, humorless laugh. "Yeah, well, they're not complete, remember?"

Dottore frowned at that, "What do you mean?"

"You removed their memories of me because... Well, you said that I was distracting..." You reminded him, a sad smile on your face. "I took it as a compliment back then. Even if I tried to talk to them... They'll just ignore me and look at me as if I'm a stranger... Funny because you do the same thing..."

Ah, yes. He did do that. Right, it was the main reason why the segments were so efficient with their work. It made him realize how much you were a hindrance to his progress. A distraction that causes him to feel unwanted emotions and urges, indulging in senseless activities like you once had when you were both younger...

It annoyed him how it seemed his make his heart clench at those memories.

"I'm not suited to be your knight anymore, not when I have little use for you now." That made him turn his head to look at you, only to see you on your knees, trembling and holding back yourself from sobbing, to continue speaking before he stops listening. "I... The Fatui can give you everything you need now... You have soldiers working for you, even the segments! Sure, you send me into missions and tell me I'm still useful but..."

Your words hung into the air, your bottom lip quivered as you forced yourself to continue. "I couldn't even protect you from that." Your eyes glanced to the mask he wore, and he immediately knew what you were talking about.

His hand went underneath his mask, the feeling of the deep, jagged scars that has healed over time through his gloves disgusts him. The scar on his face was something he deeply abhorred, but he never blamed you for it.

"I promised to protect you, and yet... I let that happen..." Your voice quivered with a mix of despair and frustration, tears staining the cold tile floor beneath you.

The mention of his scar, a symbol of his vulnerability and pain, struck a chord within both of you. Your teeth clenched, and your gaze remained fixed on the floor, burning with a mixture of self-loathing and anguish. The raw honesty in your words reverberated through the room, casting shadows of doubt upon the promises that had once bound you together.

The mask he wore, the facade that shielded his true emotions, served as a constant reminder of your perceived shortcomings and the unfulfilled expectations you had placed upon yourself.

"What kind of knight am I? I know how much you hate that scar— and I hate the fact that I could've prevented it!" You cried, "I hate seeing your mask, because it just reminds me that I'm a failure that couldn't uphold their promises!"

...Just like the deep-rooted resentment Dottore harbored towards your Vision, you found yourself consumed by an equal loathing for his mask. It was a peculiar parallel, where two individuals were constantly reminded of their own failures in the presence of one another.

As the silence stretched on, punctuated only by your inconsolable sobs, Dottore's demeanor remained unreadable. His lips pressed into a thin line, his expression an enigmatic mask. The absence of any immediate reaction from him fueled your misery, increasing the uncertainty of his true feelings.

At that moment, you yearned for a glimmer of understanding, a sign that he cared or acknowledged your pain. But the void of his response deepened the ache within you, amplifying the sense of loneliness and despair.

"I love you, I really do! There's nothing in this world that could ever stop me from loving you." You professed loudly, hoping to reach him, "From our childhood, to the Akademiya and joining here at the Fatui, my heart has undoubtedly belonged to you! You think I did all of that for nothing?"

"And when you accepted my feelings, I was so happy!" You hung your head low, trying to talk through hiccups and sobs. You couldn't stop your tears even if you wanted to. "But I know that Zandik loved me more than Il Dottore ever has." The pain in your voice as you utter your words made Dottore's poise for a moment, "I don't even know if Il Dottore loves me..."

Your words struck him harder than he liked. It was an absurd statement. His past self? Loving you more than him? It doesn't make sense.

But as he watched you sob, he couldn't help but wonder if his feelings for you were genuine or merely a facade he had constructed to maintain control over you.

Did he truly love you, or was it just an illusion he had allowed himself to indulge to keep you in check? You were the one to confessed to him, and love is such a foreign concept to Dottore. The thought haunted him, unraveling the carefully constructed walls around his heart and exposing a raw and uncertain truth.

"The day Zandik died was I guess the day your love for me died." You managed a weak laugh. A laugh to shake away your pain, yet so sad and dull. Your laugh shouldn't sound like that. He hated it.

Was he the reason for it as well?

"I tried to move on because I knew you can... But I just couldn't..." You whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself for comfort. Your voice trembled with emotion as you continued, "I can't stand being away from you, I can't bear not being able to hear your voice, to see you, to be with you." You look up at him with tearful eyes, broken and full of regret.

"Please... give me one more chance," You pleaded, your voice filled with desperation. The tears streamed down your face, but determination shone through your eyes. "I won't complain anymore, I won't ask for anything... I'll accept you give me. I'll be your loyal and dedicated assistant, always by your side!"

In the midst of your cries, Dottore has stumbled upon a realization.

The cold, snow, and ice became incessant reminders of you, and it annoyed him to no end. As the days turned into months during your disappearance, his agitation grew, fueled by a mix of anger and longing that he couldn't quite suppress. He continued to send search parties after you, under the pretense of seeking revenge for your betrayal, but deep down, he knew there was more to it. Beneath the facade of vengeance, a part of him yearned for your return, unable to ignore the void you had left behind.

After all those times, did he simply miss you?

Even after you left, his hand would unconsciously reach out, longing for your presence beside him. Dottore found himself expecting to see you around every corner, only to be greeted by the stark emptiness of his laboratory, which he had never truly noticed until your absence. The flavors and aromas of the dishes you used to cook for him lingered in the air, teasing his senses with memories.

The familiar tunes you hummed while working echoed in his mind, and the pleasant chatter that once served as background noise now felt like a void in his ears.

Your absence had woven itself into the fabric of his daily life, leaving behind a profound emptiness that he struggled to fill.

He could vividly recall the echoes of those emotions from his time at the Akademiya when you were obligated to attend classes. Dottore— Zandik would insist that you not waste your time with mundane lectures when you could be assisting him in his groundbreaking projects.

He would nag you, trying to convince you to prioritize his work over your studies, much to your amusement. The memory of your laughter at his feeble excuses and playful banter warmed his heart, reminding him of the deep bond you shared.

Dottore's gaze remained fixed on your trembling figure, your hands tightly balled into fists. You couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes. The fear of facing how he truly feels held you back.

Another realization was drawn to him.

He had always admired your resilience, your ability to endure even the harshest of circumstances without shedding a tear. It both intrigued and frustrated him, for he had never quite understood the source of your inner strength. As children, he had witnessed you gritting your teeth and smiling through injuries, embracing the pain as a catalyst for your determination. It was a quality that set you apart, that made you formidable.

Was this pain different then? There was no physical damage on your body, and yet you were here. You were one of the strongest people he has ever known, but you were on your knees, breaking down in tears and pathetically begging for his forgiveness.

His chest felt unbearable tight, seeing you so weak, so vulnerable. The image clashed with the image he had of you in his mind—strong, resilient, and always composed. Seeing you in such a state shattered his perception of your unwavering strength. Between the two of you, you were more emotional than him. But for you to grovel to his feet? It was something he'd never thought he'd ever see.

Oh, how easy for him to just kick you. To toss you on the ground as if you were nothing, and he knew you'd take it rather than fighting back and hurt him.

How come you'd never lay a hand on him? To make him feel the pain he knew a sinner like him deserves? When he has hurt you more than he could have ever known? You were suffering in silence since you only wanted to please him, to never bother him, and yet he was only ignorant to the signs, even if they're growing more and more obvious.

Your patience seemed endless when it came to him, doing everything you could do for him; exploring the most dangerous locations of Teyvat, piling bodies after bodies for his sake, and following every single command he gives you. Only for a mere hum of acknowledgement, a small smile, or nothing at all from him.

Has he shown any sort of gratitude toward you? You loved him so unconditionally, and you get little to none in return. Dottore couldn't even offer you the bare minimum.

You've always been like that, doing everything he says just to please him, to be of service, to be by his side. A massive flaw that he was well aware of ever since you were young.

Dottore wasn't even sure if the two of you were in a romantic relationship. It seemed so one-sided now that he looked back into his memories, even more so ever since the both of you joined the Fatui...

Forgiveness shouldn't be earned by a mere apology. You'd have to work for it, suffer the consequences of your misdemeanor, and he will grant you another chance. That's how it should be, how Dottore wanted it to be.

And yet, when you rose your head to look at him, nothing but remorse and resignation in your face... He couldn't bring himself to— not when he should be the one apologizing to you.

"You... you don't have to love me back..." You say quietly, snapping Dottore's attention back to you. "I-I promise... It was selfish of me to just walk out— punish me, I don't care! Just take me back, please—"

A resounding smack reverberated through the room, cutting you off. You recoil from the slap that landed on your cheek, you squeezed your eyes shut as your skin throbbed from the pain. You bit your tongue to silence yourself.

Dottore slowly got down to his knees right in front of you. As much as he didn't want to hurt you, he needed you to get your shit back together. This wasn't you. Or at least, this was a side of you that he has never seen, nor meant for his eyes. It didn't feel right to see you trembling before him, to be so afraid.

"You should have never came back." He heard you take in a sharp inhale, yet your eyes remained shut, too uncertain, too scared to look at him in the eye. "It would've been better for you to leave me." Your brow furrowed at his words.

He knew that you loved him for who he was. You probably knew him more than he knew himself, but could he say the same for you? Even if the answer was no, if Dottore should stay the same, not changing himself after this occurrence, he knows that you'd still love him.

Slipping off the gloves that he has always worn, and the mask that he had recently adorned, his hands reached for your face. Hesitantly, he cupped your cheeks into his hands. Your eyes snapped open as you jerked back from his touch. You seemed more shocked that he attempted to fondly hold you rather than hit you.

It stirred unexplainable emotions in his chest... Emotions that he'd rather not experience more, and a bitter taste settling on his tongue. He tried again, unsure if he was doing it correctly. Your discomfort didn't help either.

Dottore has never been honest on how he truly felt. He didn't even know what he felt half the time, mostly because he had only felt them with you. These emotions, these feelings, joy, anger, sadness, loneliness, and perhaps love; if it wasn't for you, he would've never known how it feels to be... more than the freak that people has entitled him to be. More than a heretic or a mad scientist. You had always treated him as if he was a person worth of your love and affections.

He should've been more honest.

"You... are worth more..." Your eyes widened at the words he spoke, "Worth more than I could ever admit... All your efforts, warmth... They have gone unnoticed... Ignored..."

"Zan- Dottore..." He could feel you shaking against his bare hands, the texture of your skin, the curve of your cheeks, he could feel them now. His hands tingled in a way he has never felt before, pulling you closer to him.

He wishes that you called him Zandik instead.

"You are nothing in comparison to all the achievements that I have accomplished. You are annoying, loud, and always stirring up trouble in my laboratory... And yet, during your disappearance..."

He shouldn't have turned a blind eye in everything you have done for him.

There were a lot of things he wanted to say, things he knew you needed to desperately hear, but they got stuck in his throat. Dottore has never been honest, it was easier to ignore it than confront things that were unknown. How ironic, given that he was a scientist that always pursued the unknown.

Nonetheless, you understood. You always did. He needn't speak for you to get him.

Dottore could've claimed that he reached to this point all on his own, with his unparalleled genius and dedication. But undoubtedly, you were there throughout his whole life, from his brightest days and past all his hardships. You've supported him more than anyone else.

And he made another mistake; letting you believe that you're nothing to him. That he doesn't love you, and that you were merely just a tool. No, that's not true. Not when his heart, his cold, dead heart, could only beat for you, and that without you, he was incomplete as you are. Lost, and lonely.

"I realized that fact too late..." Dottore closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against yours. You couldn't help but let out a sob, your heart pounding against your chest at the sudden honesty he was pouring onto you. Oh how long you've yearned for this moment, it made you tremble.

It was quiet, below a whisper that Dottore wasn't sure if you heard it... But for you, it was loud and clear, his words repeating again and again inside your head.

"I..."

vi. devotion

"What took you so long?"

As you step foot into his office, barely making it past the threshold, he already hit you a question with the most accusing tone ever. However, you respond with a genuine, warm smile, immediately feeling a sense of familiarity despite his prickly demeanor. Playfully, you quip, "Six months away on a mission, and this is the welcome I receive, babe?"

Dottore responded with a scoff and a roll of his eyes, a scowl forming on his lips, one that you've grown so in love with. His gaze fixated on your disheveled appearance, taking in the swollen state of your lips, the trickle of blood staining your chin, and the messy opening of your collar, revealing a mosaic of red and purple marks adorning your collarbones and neck. His scowl only deepened upon witnessing the spectacle, and even behind his mask, you could sense the piercing daggers of his glare aimed directly at you.

"I received news of your arrival hours ago, and yet you decided to take your sweet time before gracing my office with your presence?" He ceased his writing and put his pen down on his desk. Oooo, he's serious.

"Awww, miss me so much, you keep up to date on everything I do?" You cooed at him teasingly at him and decided to push his papers to the side and sit on his desk, directly in front of him. He chose to ignore your remark.

"What were you doing?" He asked, more inquisitive this time, leaning towards you. You responded with a playful gesture, pursing your lips in a thoughtful manner, feigning deep contemplation over the endeavors you had undoubtedly embarked upon your return.

Just by this, he already seemed unimpressed.

"Oh, you know, I passed by some cuties to your office, so I decided to have some fun!" You smirked when he crossed his arms, his scowl deepened when you pointed at the red marks all over you. It was as if a bunch of sharks had decided to latch onto your skin and bite you.

"So you cheated on me." He bluntly stated. "Again."

You gave him an incredulous look as you let out an overexaggerated gasp. "Oh my darling! I would never think of cheating with you!" You dramatically cried out, "You'd cut me up to pieces and put my parts in individual jars up for display!"

A faint twitch appeared at the corners of Dottore's lips and you swiftly abandoned your playful facade. "Hey," You pouted, your voice tinged with a hint of warning, "Don't get any ideas. I don't like that look on your face."

Dottore's scowl suddenly transformed into a wide grin, revealing the sharp teeth that you've always adored. "Well, my dear, if you were preserved in a jar, at least I would have the assurance that you'd remain there, looking exquisitely beautiful for me, without any possibility of you straying." He playfully remarked, his words laced with a hint of possessiveness that you couldn't help but find endearing.

You bark out a laugh, shaking your head. “That’s morbid, love.” He tutted at that and let out a small ‘hmph!’ in disappointment. He’s so cute. “Besides, I’m not cheating!”

“They are segments.” Dottore deadpanned, his scowl returning to his face, but you could tell it was in a much playful manner.

You raise a brow at that, “Uh, segments of you. Designed after you. They think like you. They are literally you, but just a specific age, ‘cuz you’re crazy like that.”

"But they could never compare to the real deal," Dottore persisted, his voice carrying a hint of seriousness. "The true original. The one who created all of them," He declared, pointing confidently at himself, and you almost imploded trying to hold back your laughter.

“I’m sorry, babe, I couldn’t help myself.” You cooed, sliding off his desk and decided to make yourself comfortable on his lap instead, “They’re irresistible.” Dottore looked extremely disappointed at you, his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you closer to him. He held nothing but disdain at the sight of the marks on your neck.

“Yes, so much, so you let them bite you all over.”

“They missed me. They only bite because it’s a trait of yours.”

“You have no evidence of this so-called trait of mine.”

“Babe, you for real?” Before you could say another word, Dottore seized you by the collar and pressed his lips against yours with an insatiable hunger. The force of the kiss left you breathless, a testament to the months he had spent yearning for your presence, and you decide to kiss his segments before him? The one you’ve known the longest? He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, and before you got yourself lost against his lips, he bit your bottom lip. Hard.

“Ah, fuck!” You cursed out loud, furrowing your brow at the big bruise on your lips. It tasted raw, the fragile skin easily broken with his sharp teeth. More blood dribbled down your chin as you stared at him, your turn to look so unimpressed. “No evidence, my ass! Stop biting so hard, I’m going to die of blood loss.”

Dottore looked so proud of himself, smirking at you. “I have no idea what you are talking about, my dearest.”

You could only scoff when he licked his lips, definitely enjoying the taste of your blood. “Maybe if you were more honest, then I’d stop making out the segments behind your back.” That seemed to pique his interest, his expression reflecting an internal struggle as he debated whether to succumb to your obvious attempt at manipulation.

"I'm sorry, dear, I love you."

"See," You grin at yourself. "It's not so hard now, is it?"

Years had passed since that one intense confrontation, yet Dottore still struggled to openly express his deepest emotions, but you had come to accept it as a part of who he was. It didn't pose a significant problem for you, as you understood his unique way of conveying love. In his own enigmatic manner, he had discovered alternative ways to demonstrate the depth of his affection. He had shed his inhibitions and now allowed his love to flow freely, unencumbered by the barriers he had once erected.

Dottore hummed, "You know, my dear, I still think you'd make a splendid addition to my collection, preserved in a jar for all eternity." His playful tone hinted at his twisted sense of endearment, a dark humor that was uniquely his.

"I take it back." You glared at him, shivering at the thought. "You're mad."

A mischievous smile danced on Dottore's lips as he teased, brushing his gloved fingers gently against your cheek. "Ah, but my dear, it's precisely that madness that captivates you, isn't it?"

With a huff, you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in the comfort of his shoulders. "Lucky for you, that's true," you admitted, your voice filled with a mix of exasperation and affection. "Missed you,"

He held you tight in his embrace, reciprocating the warmth of your hug. Picking up his pen once again, he returned to his work, the presence of you on his lap bringing a sense of completeness. It felt like home. "And I've missed you too, my knight," He whispered, his words blending seamlessly with the scratching of the pen against the paper, as you both settled into the comforting rhythm of each other's presence.

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

#favoniuslibrary #˚₊໒🥧꒱kai writes₊˚#╰┈➤ il dottore #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #dottore x reader #genshin impact

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luvyunjinxo · 9 months

Note

G!p yujin?

g1p!yujin x sub!reader

OMG IVE BEEN THINKING AB HER ANON . (I'll try to make this a short story no promises ..... it wasn't short story be prepared)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ

Just imagine you are the 6th member of IVE , and the maknae. People think you're full of innocence and love and yeah you are I guess, but not towards your member Yujin.

You and her were enemies ever since you were trainees and when you found out you were gonna be in a group with each other, you both freaked out. Swearing to each other that you would try to avoid one another.

Until one day you were just left at the dorm by yourself and nothing to do. You decided to clean everyones room since you were dying of fucking boredom and you even cleaned Yujin's room while you were at it .. You were just wearing a bra and some really small shorts.

"I can't believe I'm stuck here and actually cleaning Ahn Yujin's room" you sighed. You picked up her boxers, shorts, shirts and every other clothing she had possible on the floor. You don't even know why but your first intention was to smell it .. something about it just smelt so good you have no idea.

You kept sniffing like as if you were an addict until you didn't hear her door open nevermore the front door either. But Yujin walks in seeing you like this. Still in your bra, smelling her clothes, and being in her room first of all.

"YAHH YUJIN UNNIE THIS ISN'T WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE"

"Really? You seem like you're smelling my boxers and hoodies"

She stepped closer to you and she had this lustful look in her eyes and desires. You really did not know what she felt. Turned on? Turned off? Who the fuck knows.

"I-I'm sorry" Is all you can mutter out. You were too scared to say anything even though you were never afraid of her.

"It's too late for that now don't you think? What would the others think of this hm? Seeing you sniffing your enemies clothes. Pfft. Pathetic."

"I-I'm so sorry u-unnie, I didn't m-mean to." you stuttered out.

"Shut the fuck up with your sorry and get on the bed now I don't care if we hate each other, you need to be taught a lesson." She spat out. You felt like you were gonna cry from this degration because even when having sex with someone you never got this kind of treatment.

You laid on the bed resting your back against the headboards not knowing what Yujin would do to you next. She made her way rummaging through her drawer till she pulled out handcuffs and a vibrator.

She handcuffed you to the headboard while she made her way giving you marks all over your collarbone and kissing practically anywhere.

"You're so pathetic. You hate me so much yet you're letting me do this to you?" she slapped your tit. "Answer me baby."

The word baby coming from her made your heart melt as fuck because you never knew you would be getting fucked by the person you hate the most. She put the vibrator on your wet pussy and you kept squirming and moaning like crazy. From time to time Yujin would say

"Keep still or else I'll stop."

"Tell me slut, what did you do wrong tonight?" And you wouldn't respond so she took away the vibrator and you whined. She put you on all fours and inserted her cock without warning. "Shit you're so tight." She moaned.

"Now tell me, what did you do wrong? Answer me or you don't get to finish." She thrusted into you while giving your ass a squeeze. If you were gonna be honest your ass was pretty big for a maknae like you.

"I w-was .. sh-shit! .. smelling y-your clothes without y-you knowing mommy" you managed to stammer out words even when your getting fucked this good by Ahn Yujin the girl you hated most.

"Good girl." And with that she finished you off for the night. You came so hard your eyes went rolling to the back of your head. It felt like you were in a whole other world. It just felt that euphoric.

But she still kept in mind that you both hated each other so she said nothing to you but a simple ..

"Get dressed and cleaned up then get out. We're never speaking about this again this was only a one time thing. "

Or was it a one time thing ? ...

IM SO SORRY IF THIS WAS BAD IT WAS RUSHED . I just wanted to eat chicken guys please forgive me and my fat ahh 🙏 .

#kpop smut #ive yujin #yujin smut #ahn yujin smut #ive #ive smut #fem reader #anon <3 #ive hard hours #fypシ #yujin g!p #yujin x reader #female reader #kayla

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wettestnjaay · 1 year

Note

Hi. I was wondering if u can do evan peters x black reader, where the reader is dating evan peters, since evan is stressed from work he comes home to the reader is in lingerie waiting for him and giving him some release from his stress to make him feel better. (If u know what I mean, smut) love your fanfics.

mmm,, yeah—IVE BEEN WANTING SOMEONE TO REQUEST HIM IN GENERAL.

NEEDY!EVAN PETERS x BLACK!CLINGY!BIMBO!GIRLFRIEND!READER SMUT - 16+

NEW TAGLIST | REQUEST | WATTPAD | visual porn link for this fic here!

REQUESTED OR ASKED;

- YES. (ABOVE)

WARNING !

p in v, rough sex, praise kink, oral (both receiving), sub!reader, dom!Evan, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), sir kink?, pussy slapping, face slapping, messing up makeup kink, spanking, pussy/dick drunk, using sex as a relief, fingering, dogging style, cum-play, mild breeding kink, creampie, overstimulation, breeding kink, body worship, crying kink, size kink, nipple play, whining/crying during sex, Evan being a lil soft/rough, pet names (READER: bunny, good girl, angel, doll | EVAN: baby, bear, sir, love)

YOU HAD BEEN TEXTING EVAN HOURS BEFORE HE WAS SUPPOSE TO GET OFF OF WORK, this was a normal thing.. you always did it just to make sure he was okay or, to see what mood he’d be in when he would return home, but he'd been quite busy the pass few days.

Well, today it seemed as if he was in a frustrated mood, he was hardly texting back, and when he did it was a little rude with maybe about two to three word response, you didn't take it to heart, you know you boyfriend has a hard job and need to be focused on that.

You stopped texting after he supply replied to your last message with a small 'K', you quickly cleaned the kitchen and living-room before he would arrive, not wanting to make anything worst then it already was.

You hummed into the shower as you felt the warm water falling onto your gorgeous melanin skin, before standing there daydream, which turned into sex-dreaming about Evan, these thoughts.

Parts of you were getting wet and not from the water, you quickly grabbed your wash towel and scrubbed your body with it, relaxing yourself more, just as your thoughts move to Evan again.

Ever senses you guys been dating, for about 5 months, all you can think about when your home alone is him, he was always on top of your mind, 'how is Evan feeling today,’,, ’did Evan leave the house happy or.. did I do something wrong?’ it was like being under a spell, a obsession spell.. he was something like, a toy you wanted as a kid and could never have but that wouldn't stop you.

You had him lock in as well, but in your mind you were still competing for his love, for some reason you couldn't understand, you wanted him to do everything to you, every little thought he had of you—you wanted him to do it.. even if it was risky.

You dried yourself off, as you stepped out the shower and pulled yourself to the mirror and looked at yourself, you let out a sigh as you felt yourself missing him even more, missing his touch, his sweet kissing all over your body, and his soft voice as he would say the most sweetest things and have you feeling like putty in his hands.

You quickly got pretty for him, finishing up your skincare routine, having all of your melanin glowing for him, and fixed your braids into a bun leaving the two front pieces out, you sunkiss skin glowing in the light of the bathroom as you quickly slipped on the lingerie dress.

That was finished, you ended up doing a little bit of bodycare, lotion up your legs, arms and shoulders making sure your body is all soft and smooth for him, before going back down to the kitchen in your bunny slippers, making a families famous lasagna with a side of corn and a biscuit while having your apron over your dress

As soon as you were done placing the noodles in the pot, you place the lid back on top of the pot and place the biscuits in the oven to heat them up as you quickly rushed back to your shared bedroom and got it spotless clean before he came.

And just as you finished—you were back in the kitchen,, and he was opening the door, you stayed near the oven, moving back and forward from the sink and there’re as he called out for you, "Y/N, doll where ya' at?"

You replied to him, "Hi baby, I'm in the kitchen just give me a second, Okay?"

He replied with a simple ‘Okay, love.’ as you took your stop back by the store and dump the corn into the empty small pot before turning the oven heater on; making the biscuits warm up a little faster.

Before you went it, Evan was in the kitchen breathing in your neck heavily, with his lustful eyes on you.

"Welcome back my love,.. I've been thinking of you all day." you said quietly as you turned your head and let your nose poke at the side of his face before licking him and, kissing his nose and cheek, as he rapped his arm around your waist wanting to you to be closer.

You smiled as Evan kissing your cheek down to your neck and rubbed around your hip making you relax more in his hands, finally giving him his sweet welcome home kisses, smooth, warming and heart felt kiss you'd given to him, he pulled you even closer, settling your core near his crotch, as your hands rested on his shoulders trying to keep yourself settled without feeling weak to your knees, just as he smashed his lips back onto yours once again.

Just after that kiss your hands were behind your back shorter then a second after, as he started to tie his belt he'd just took off to your wrist, locking them together and behind your back, you whined in pain and pleasure before looking back into his going dark eyes and squirmed around him as he quickly pushed you off and dropped his pants to the floor.

Leaving him with his socks and shirt, which he quickly token off shortly after he'd slid your panties to the side and smashed your ass against his crotch once again.

Before kissing you roughly.

"Ev-a~ Evan!" you moaned quietly as you felt his eyes on you and his cock slide through ur slit over and over, back and forward before his tip had gotten closer to touching your sensitive entrance before sinking down onto it causing you to gasp, and pant just a little.

"Cmon bunny, relax-mm.. I've been needing this all day..I couldn't stop thinking of-ah!" his thrusting were becoming a mess over you, but you were enjoying it the more, you arched your back laying your head on his shoulder as he thrusted more quickly as you moaned back a hum to him and let your cunt tighten about him.

"..Of coming home from work and having dinner with you and proceeding to shower-sex,, but angel is this better.. so much better nnhh~" his grip around ur arm pulling them back got tight, as you relaxed your hand to feeling on his lower chess, wanting him to relax and not overpower himself like he does a work.

"'m here now bear~ use me as you please-AaaAh~ I-mm~ I want you to feel better, and in relief sir!.. goddd-aanGh~" you whimper in a moan as you clench on to his cock more, not wanting it to remove from the spot it was at already, he chuckle in your ear before smiling into your neck and his thrust had gone faster and faster like the speed of a light.

He instead to tell you, "Be a good girl and don't you dare move your arms from behind your back.." You moaned as his words wanting and craving more and you clench more tightly to him again, as you breathing increasing you were panting again,

His hand fell to your breast which he quickly expose to the mid air around the house, rubbing on your perfect brown nipples before squeezing them and flicking his middle finger over your sensitive left nipple making you push back against him and back arch more.

You were looking up at the ceiling, babbling over and over, "Please.. Evannn~ bear my goodness.. Ahh~ I don't think--ngh~~!" He shushed you but you couldn't stop, drool coming from the edges of your mouth.

As you hand started to grip into his chess your nails digging hit and he groan from the pain and pleasure as you quickly moved your hand to massage the mark your nails left.

You let out a cry, and the tears formed in your eyes once one of his hands fell to your exposed clit, and started to place tight circles around your bud making you tense up, your body starting to twitch as you tried to get a look at his face.

"Don't worry darling,, just a little more and I'll have you back to making dinner and we'll do it again alrighty?"

You couldn't even answer all that came out was a moaning mixture of a cry as you felt the tears falling out of your eyes, you started to beg, "Please- I don't think I cannn~ ahh~ its to much.. mm!!.. N-nnahh~~ no no.. more.. m'no aAh~!"

Evan grabbed you face before planting a sweet heavenly kiss on your lips and small pecks around the dimples of your face and the side of your mouth and chin and neck before whispering to you, "Your gonna be a good girl,, and take the rest of my cock.. okay darling..,, just a little more then ill give you a break, I promise bunny.. I promise."

You took his word and melt under his touch as he started to feel your about in the tight fitting lingerie you were gifted about your last birthday, you sink into him, gripping onto his hips once and again as you started to help him thrust into you as you thrust back against him.

The sound of your ass clapping back him and and both of your skin slapping against each other over and over, you moaning and him groaning.

He kissing under your ear before biting it and releasing a breathless chuckle in your ear before kissing your lips once again.

The hand that was still on your boobs fell against your body and traveled to your hips and gripped it roughly causing your to whimper under his touch before turning your head to the side and kissing his shoulder as he kissed your wanting both of each other to calm down and stay relax for both of y'alls pleasure.

Evan's hand moved to your lower stomach and pushed down on it drawing a whine from the both of you, "Should have done this before,, good I miss you so much."

You apologized in a whine, pouting, "m'sorry so sorry.. s'sorry ah~ I should've-mm~!!" Evan kissed the guiltiness out of you as you eyes filled up with tears again, you've been need for Evan but he'd been so busy and you needed him to focus on work to keep a house over both of your heads.

You felt him push down onto your stomach even more and your eyes welled up even more at the pleasure in your belly and threatening to burst.. you were so close to cumming you just needed a little push.

That little push was Evan, both of his hands move to your hips and gripped onto it using his ring-finger and middle to push down on your tummy adding more pressure to your body as you gotten all shaken up and legs started to shake and cunt twitch against his dick causing him to let out a loud groan in your ear,

Just as you clenched completely onto him, grip from your hands on his chess tighten and your head threw back against his shoulder, sight blurry as hell and you see the light from above shining on you and him, and your moan flew open and a loud moan calling out from it.

You came hard on his dick just as he kissing you shoulder and mumbled, "Such a good bunny girl.. my little angel.. done so good for me,, let me finish okay darling.."

You couldn't even answer, all of these pet names making you gust more over his dick, before him thrusting into you again causing you to twitch more and more and release more all over his member before he let out a moan and pulled out cumming all over your back, before scooping it with a nail and rubbing it against your slit and around your madly sensitive lil bud before kissing your now sweaty brown melanin skin, "Evan!"

You yelled at him, "Now I have to Bathe again!"

"That's fine angel, you'll just bathe with me.." he calms you down with small kisses upon your shoulders and up to the side of your neck and under your ear.

SORRY IT WAS POSTED LATE IVE BEEN BUSY.

ANY MISTAKES/MISSPELLS TELL ME.

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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 4 months

Text

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter IV - The Iron Enters the Soul

Chapter Summary: You travel to the Fold, to see your skiff setting off on its first journey. But something goes terribly wrong and it returns soon after with many dead and wounded. Not everyone is dead only thanks to a surprising revelation. Back in the Little Palace many things change.

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, Zoya Nazyalensky, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Marie, Nadia Zhabin

Word Count: 4137

A/N: This chapter contains plot and dialogues from episode one to four of season one. Inspired by prompt: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089791935/

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

It takes a small thing for you to finally figure it out. Suddenly, you know what exactly is needed for building a lighter and faster skiff, and you know how to make it. You even impress the King with your idea. Albeit, you're sure he has no idea what you're talking about when you introduce your idea to him and just pretends to understand that, since other smart people in the room are looking at each other in astonishment. Still, it's not that you care. You have his permission to build it.

The next days are filled with planning, sketching, work and a bit more work. You're sleeping schedule is pretty much not existing. You sleep just enough to rest, so you could continue working. Most of the times you're on Alkemi's potions that keep you focused, awake and full of energy (some Durasts even say you have now a bit too much energy).

Aleksander is, of course, worried by it and tries to talk some sense into you. But after he tries to drag you to sleep, you actually hiss at him like a very angry cat with a murderous look in your eyes. Kirigan is sure he hasn't backed out from anything as fast as this time. Or hasn't been that much scared of anyone.

The day comes, however, when the skiff is ready. You actually cry when you look at it in all its glory. Out of emotion, but mostly because you're just so glad it's finally finished and your work with it is over. Now all that remains is to take it for the first journey.

For some reason, you're not on the list of Grisha that are about to come across the Fold on the new skiff. True, Durasts don't cross it usually, but you assumed that since you're the one responsible for creating it, you'd go and supervise how it goes. Not that you're complaining. You are, however, to be present during its set off.

You arrive on the day the skiff launches. Together with Aleksander in his carriage. You jokingly ask him if he's going because he believes your new ultralight skiff is going to be a shining success or a spectacular failure. He looks you seriously in the eyes and answers he doesn't take into account the second option, because you're the one that supervised the creation of it. You blush, shut up and don't speak a word until the end of the journey.

Once you're there, Aleksander gets out of the carriage first and then helps you out. Immediately, you look at the Fold warily.

'It's your first time, isn't it?' Kirigan asks. 'Seeing it.'

'I wouldn't mind spend my life without seeing it,' you confess grimly. 'It's… massive. Much more than I've imagined. I'm really grateful I'm not the one who has to cross it.'

'Well, thanks to you, the one who do, will do it much faster now,' Aleksander says. You smile at him. You quickly stop, when a Grisha hurries to Kirigan and whispers something to him.

'The skiff launches in twenty minutes,' the Darkling says to you. 'Shall we find a good spot?'

'Might as well,' you agree. Aleksander gives some orders. Then, together you go and take your places in front of the Fold. You watch how everyone assigned for the trip get on the skiff. Soon, the gate is raised up and the sail lowered. Zoya summons the wind and the skiff moves. You're sure your heart stops for a moment when it happens.

'Don't worry,' Aleksander says, grabbing your hand. 'Everything is going to be perfectly alright. You made that skiff.'

'And that's why I'm so scared,' you admit. 'If something goes wrong… it will be my fault. Deaths of the people will be on me.'

'They're not going to die,' Kirigan says. You smile sadly.

'You can't know that,' you say, shaking your head. In silence, you watch how the skiff sails into the Fold and is swallowed by it. You exhale slowly.

'Now all we can do is wait,' Aleksander says. You nod and follow him into his tent.

You're not sure how much time has passed when it happens. But you're sure it's not much. You're standing in the entrance to Kirigan's tent, looking at the Fold. General has given up on trying to get you to stop and go back inside. Suddenly, a burst of light is seen in the Fold. You hear shouts of surprise. Your eyes open wide.

'General?' you call hesitantly. 'Either something is wrong with the new source of light David has made… or something strange is happening in the Fold…'

Aleksander comes to your side at once. He stiffens, baffled. He frowns. Together you watch how the light disappears.

'What is it?' you ask, afraid a bit.

'I don't know,' Kirigan answers. 'But I'm sure we're about to find out.'

You wait. After what seems like forever, the skiff returns, hurrying out of the Fold with a crash. It's destroyed in many places. The mission was a failure, but at least some have returned. Before Aleksander can stop you, you hurry to the skiff, to find out what happened, what went wrong. If something was wrong with the skiff… whether it was your fault…

You pass people rushing around your creation. Shouting orders, taking the wounded to the medical… taking out the dead… You hurry to the skiff. You almost crash into your friend.

'Zoya,' you say, relieved to see her alive. 'What happened?'

The Squaller grabs your arms tightly. You look at her with surprise.

'It was not your fault,' she says sternly. 'You hear me? Not your fault. Not the skiff's. It's not on you. Okay?'

'Okay,' you say quietly, nodding. You try to break free of Zoya's grip and see to the damages. But she just tightens her hold.

'Don't go yet,' she says. 'Let… Let them clean up a bit. You'd only be in their way.'

You look her in the eyes. She looks away. You know what she's trying to do. She doesn't want you to see more of the dead, more of the wounded. She doesn't want you to blame yourself for what happened to them.

'Zoya-' you start, your voice low.

'Anyway, you should go back to General's tent,' she interrupts you. You frown.

'Why is that?' you ask. Zoya glances behind her back.

'Because in a moment they're going to bring there someone who I believe is… the Sun Summoner,' she says hesitantly. You stare at her blankly. You blink and ask:

'I'm sorry… the who now?!'

You and Zoya reach Aleksander's tent before the (alleged) Sun Summoner. On your way there she tells you what happened and you're left speechless. You look at Kirigan, but as usual, his face is a mask void of emotion in public. So, you wait.

Finally, a young girl from the First Army is brought into the tent by two soldiers and a Healer in tow. You can see the fear in her eyes when they fall on the man in front of her, Aleksander, who's standing with his back to her by the table.

'Bring her closer,' he orders. The soldiers take the girl a few steps closer and let her go. They back away themselves. Kirigan turns around slowly and assesses her.

'Closer,' he says. She looks around, unsure, and takes one step forward.

'Well?' General asks, raising his eyebrows.

'Well, what?' the girl asks and hastily looks down. 'Sir.'

You smile slightly, already liking her. Zoya gently elbows your side and you quickly become serious.

'What are you?' Aleksander asks.

'Alina Starkov, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors,' the girls answers and you see something in her eyes. 'They're all gone. It's my fault. That's why I'm here, isn't it?'

'Answer the question,' Kirigan says, raising his hand, and leans on the desk. 'What are you?'

'A… mapmaker, sir,' Alina answers, confused. Some Grisha laugh. You clench your fist. Zoya discreetly takes your other hand and gives it a squeeze.

'Quiet,' Aleksander orders and the laughter stops. 'So who actually saw what happened? Zoya? You manned the main sail.'

'We were attacked barely two markers in,' Zoya, on whom all eyes are now, answers. 'Someone lit a lantern.'

'And?' Kirigan asks, looking at Alina, who's clearly feeling uncomfortable under his penetrating gaze.

'The Volcra went after the riflemen and our Inferni first,' Zoya goes on. 'And then there was a searing light.'

'It was her,' a soldier from the First Army says, pointing at Alina.

'Our mapmaker,' Aleksander says and tilts his head. 'Is this true? Can you… summon light?'

Alina shakes her head, scared and confused. Kirigan mimics her gesture.

'Where did you grow up?' he asks.

'Keramzin,' Alina answers.

'Hmm. And when were you tested?' Aleksander asks, but Alina doesn't answer. 'You… don't remember? Well, let us just… make certain.'

He stands up as he says it and walks to the map maker. He places his special ring on his thumb. You can see fear in Alina's eyes.

'Lift up your sleeve,' Kirigan says to her. He clouds the tent in his shadows.

'What's happening?' Alina asks, her eyes darting around.

'Your sleeve. Please,' Aleksander repeats. The cartographer lifts up her right sleeve slightly. Kirigan takes her hand and rolls it up higher. He cuts her arm… and a burst of light shots out of it and cuts through the tent. Everyone looks up at it. Alina stares at it in awe and shock.

You're stunned, too, of course. You look at Aleksander. He and the Sun Summoner (it's certain now) are looking at each other. Kirigan is smiling. She is afraid.

Aleksander lets go of her arm. She takes a few steps back, gasping.

'Take her to the Little Palace immediately,' Kirigan orders. And just like that, Alina is taken away. You stay for a moment longer inside the tent. When you get out, you see the Sun Summoner riding away in Aleksander's coach. An injured soldier is running after it, shouting her name. She's also shouting something at him from inside the coach. He doesn't reach her. You feel tears in your eyes.

Mama!

[Y/N]!

Mama!

No, please, what are you doing?!

MAMA!

'[Y/N]?' a voice pulls you out of your memories. You turn your head. Aleksander is looking at you with worry. Your look hardens. He takes a step back, surprised. You've never looked at him with such anger.

'What is it?' he asks.

'You didn't even let her say goodbye to her friends,' you say.

'She's in a great danger now, there's no time to lose,' Aleksander says. You scoff.

'I need to check on the skiff,' you say. Kirigan frowns and grabs your arm.

'[Y/N]-' he starts, but you harshly pull your arm away. You glare at him and march toward the skiff. You vent your frustration during repairing it. Some people want to help you, but quickly scatter away after seeing the murderous look in your eyes. You only look away from your work once, when you catch a glance of Aleksander riding after Alina. You scoff, still angry at him, and almost break a mast.

When you're done, on your way to the Grisha's tents you pass the First Army. You stop, noticing the man that was running after Alina. You stop and look at him. He's in a bad mood, same as you. You hesitate only a moment.

When he and his two friends notice you, they quickly stand up from their seats. You stop in front of him. You both eye each other warily. There are no warm feelings between the First and Second Armies.

'She didn't know,' you finally say. The man blinks.

'I'm sorry?' he asks.

'Miss Starkov,' you explain. 'She hasn't been hiding this from you. She was genuinely surprised during the testing. She didn't know.'

The man purses his lips. His friends exchange a look.

'She also didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you,' you say. 'Or explaining this.'

Well, you're not sure about that. But judging how she was shouting and pounding on the coach when she saw her friend, you're pretty sure that's true.

'Thank you,' the man says after a moment, nodding. You nod back and turn to leave.

'What's your name?' the man calls after you. You stop and look behind your back.

'[Y/N] [L/N],' you answer yourself and glance at your kefta. 'A Durast.'

'Mal Oretsev,' the man introduces himself. 'A tracker.'

'Pleasure to meet you,' you say, smiling slightly. Mal opens his mouth to say something, but he stops seeing Zoya marching to you angrily.

'There you are!' she says, exasperated. 'I've just found out. Seriously? Have you really been repairing the skiff on your own the whole time?'

You glance nervously at the soldiers and see them staring at you with shock. You shrug at Zoya.

'Not my fault everyone has run off,' you answer and beam at her. 'But it's alright now. All fixed. It should be ready to go when they decide to try again.'

'One day my hair is going to turn white because of you,' Zoya says after a moment and grabs your arm. 'Come. You need sleep. And then you're going after General. No discussion. I'm setting off right now, but you need to rest.'

You do try to argue. No avail. Apparently Kirigan has left specific instructions before following the Sun Summoner. You are to be taken to the Little Palace as soon as the skiff doesn't require your presence to be fixed. But since it's already night, you're going the next day. Every Grisha agrees on that. No one wants to disobey General. Well, maybe you wouldn't mind, but you're clearly outnumbered on this one.

When you arrive at the Little Palace, everyone is already talking about the Sun Summoner. She's already been introduced to the King, showed him her power and has received her own kefta. She's also have had her ass kicked by Zoya. All of that you know from the rumours that travel fast in the walls. It's almost impossible to keep a secret here.

You see Alina again during supper. As usual, you arrive as one of the last. David is pleased to see you and asks you all sort of questions about the skiff and the catastrophe. And some about the Sun Summoner. The girl in question notices your arrival and looks at you with a frown, recognizing you from Kirigan's tent.

'That's [YN] [L/N],' Alina's new friend, Marie, an Inferni, says and rolls her eyes. 'General's favourite Durast.'

'Or pet, as some say,' Nadia, a Squaller and another of Alina's new friends, adds. 'No one really sees what he sees in her. But everyone knows it's better not to do something to her.'

'Why?' Alina asks, not taking her eyes off you.

'Or the punishment from General will be severe,' Marie answers. 'Honestly, all that fuss about her and she couldn't even make that ultralight skiff right.'

'There was nothing wrong with the skiff,' Alina quickly says. 'What happened… had nothing to do with the skiff.'

Marie and Nadia exchange a look but don't say anything. They finish their meal in peace and stand up to leave. At the door they almost collide with you.

'Miss Starkov,' you greet her. 'I'm glad to officially meet you. I'm [Y/N] [L/N], a Durast.'

'Pleasure,' Alina says. She's well aware of the little smirks of Nadia and Marie. You ignore them and focus on the Sun Summoner.

'I… I hope you won't think I was out of line,' you start slowly, causing Alina to frown. 'But I spoke with your friend. The one who… tried to talk to you before you left.'

Alina's eyes go wide. Nadia and Marie exchange a look.

'Is he alright?' the Sun Summoner asks. You nod.

'He's going to be fine,' you say. 'I… told him you didn't want to go before saying a proper goodbye to him. And that you didn't know. About being a Grisha.'

Alina blinks away the tears. She tries to calm down her breathing.

'What did he say?' she asks.

'He… thanked me for sharing this with him,' you answer. 'He couldn't say more, because our duties called.'

'I see,' Alina says and suddenly grabs your hand. 'Thank you. Truly.'

'Anytime, Miss Starkov,' you say and smile. 'And I mean it. The door to my room is always open for you.'

'Alina,' the Sun Summoner corrects you. You smile at her, glance at her friends who have a decency to look embarrassed, and turn to go. Only to collide with Fedyor chest.

'[Y/N],' he greets you. 'General wants to see you.'

And here goes your good mood. You force a polite smile.

'And I want the moon,' you say and walk away, leaving baffled Fedyor, Alina, Nadya and Marie. Yes, you're still angry. So, you go to the workshop to vent out your frustration on some poor piece of metal. Which maybe wasn't a good decision, since it's the first place anyone goes if they look for you. Including one certain General Kirigan.

'You know, I don't think I've known anyone who has the nerve to disobey me so barefacedly,' he says, walking to you casually.

'You must have spoiled me with your attention,' you murmur, not looking at him.

'Maybe I have,' Aleksander agrees.

'Then you can go away and not give me your attention,' you say, waving at him to go away. He raises his eyebrows. Then, he sighs.

'What have I done?' he asks, spreading his hands. 'Please, tell me.'

'I already told you,' you say, glaring at him.

'Is it about not letting Miss Starkov to say goodbye?' Aleksander asks. 'I told you already. She was in danger and could have been attacked at any moment. And she was. She almost died. She probably would have if we had waited a moment longer.'

'Do you know how she felt?' you ask, turning to face him abruptly. 'In one moment, she finds out she's a Grisha. All her world has crumbled around her. Usually, people go to someone they trust in such moments. And you… you pulled her away from them, not even letting her talk to them one last time. Do you know how she must have felt? Because I do.'

Tears shine in your eyes. Slowly, realisation downs on Aleksander. He looks at you, horrified.

'Saints, [Y/N]… I'm sorry,' he says and gulps. 'I forgot. I'm sorry.'

You blink your tears away and turn away from him. After a moment you feel him gently put his hands on your arms.

'I didn't mean to bring this memory up for you,' he says softly. 'I'm so, so sorry. Please, forgive me.'

'I know you didn't mean it,' you say a minute later and turn around with a sigh. 'I'm sorry. I overreacted.'

'No, don't be,' Aleksander says and hesitantly pulls you in for a hug. 'I know how much memories of your father upsets you. Especially the one about him taking you away from your mother.'

You let him comfort you for a moment longer. Then, you pull away.

'I missed our tea,' you say. Kirigan smiles.

'That's nothing you can't make up for,' he says and takes your hand in his. You smile back and let him take you to his chambers. All is good again between you two.

Alina takes you on your word and often comes to you for advice. At first, you're baffled by her interest in you. You quickly suspect she has some ulterior motives and plans to use you for something. After all, everyone else does. But you realise that with understanding how she felt and talking to her friend, you gained her eternal friendship. You're still not sure whether it's a good thing.

At the beginning, you're happy that she wants to be your friend and seeks you out. She even comes to you after one particular training with Baghra. You listen to her and nod understandingly.

'Honestly, is she such a nightmare to everyone?' she groans at one point.

'I've heard she is,' you confirm. Alina looks at you with suspicion.

'You've heard?' she repeats. 'She wasn't a nightmare to you?'

'No, for some reason my lessons with her weren't as terrible as everyone around me were talking they were,' you answer, tapping your finger on your chin in wonder. 'Maybe I got her respect after I almost killed her with my powers.'

'You did what?!' Alina asks, astonished. You don't answer her and hurry away. She chases you, demanding to hear the story. She doesn't, but you're both seen later laughing hysterically.

The days when the Sun Summoner's presence is a blessing to you come to an end at some point. You think it happens when she finally finds what was blocking her and her training with Baghra finally has some effects.

It starts when you come for your daily tea with Aleksander one day. You're surprised he's not in his chambers. You do find Fedyor there however.

'Oh, [Y/N],' he says, surprised, but quickly understand. 'You're here for your tea with General? I'm sorry to tell you he's left.'

'It's alright,' you say and head toward the table. 'I can wait.'

'He…' Fedyor stops you, clearly uncomfortable. 'He's just left. For a ride with Alina.'

You're still for a moment. You force a smile at the Heartrender.

'Thank you for telling me,' you say and head for the door. 'If you see him when he comes back, tell him I'm in the workshop.'

Aleksander doesn't come to the workshop. You don't even know when he's returned. You go to your bed with a troubled mind that night.

Sadly, it happens again. And again. And again. You can't tell how many times you've come to your daily tea not to find Kirigan there and hear he's somewhere with Alina. At some point… you simply stop coming to his chambers. He doesn't speak about it when he sees you. Your heart clenches in pain.

One day, you get out of workshop to get some fresh air. You stop dead in your tracks, seeing Aleksander walking with Alina. They're coming from the direction of Baghra's hut. And they're both smiling. Your stomach turns.

'[Y/N]?' Ivan asks with a frown, stopping by your side. You've been standing still for a few minutes now, staring at the pair with a blank face. He already considers shouting for General, thinking you're about to faint or something.

'Are you alright?' the Heartrender asks. You're silent for a moment. You watch how Alina says something and Aleksander laughs. She grins. And you mourn.

'You never know how much you love someone, until you watch them love someone else,' you say quietly. Ivan looks at you with wide eyes.

'You…?' he asks, astonished. You turn to him with a sad smile.

'Wasn't it obvious?' you ask. Ivan looks softens (which everyone believes is not possible).

'You've hid it very well,' he says quietly.

'I'm glad,' you say. Ivan hesitates.

'[Y/N]-' he starts.

'I'm not the first girl to be foolish enough to fall for General,' you interrupt him. 'And I certainly won't be the last.'

Ivan has no idea what to say. He's not the one people look for to seek comfort. Fedyor is better at that. Actually, anyone is better at that than him. He can pat you on your arm but he doubts it's going to be much help. Should he hug you? Oh, Saints, he hopes not. He'd be so awkward at this.

'I'll be fine,' you say and force a smile, knowing your friend is worried. 'I already know how to deal with a broken heart.'

You turn and start to walk away. You don't want to meet Alina and Aleksander. Not together. Not while they're laughing and giggling like teenagers in love. You love them both and don't want to hurt them with harsh words your jealous heart would surely cause you to spit out. Ivan stops you by grabbing your arm.

'Will you distance yourself from him?' he asks, knowing very well how much Kirigan needs your company. You close your eyes.

'As if I ever would manage to do that,' you say. Ivan lets you go. You hurry away and back to the Little Palace, blinking away the tears.

Your torture continues. Alina grows stronger. Aleksander spends less and less time with you. You throw yourself at work to ignore the pain in your heart. But it hardly helps. Because while you're used to people breaking your heart, it feels different with Kirigan. He actually saw you and understood you. And now he chose someone else. Once again, you're left with metals and other substances. Alone.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/133684612

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lina-lovebug · 1 year

Text

Bleeding Hearts

Part 7

Taglist: @silverhowe @happycupcakeenthusiast @vampire-hunter @simpforavillain @dumb-fawkin-bitch @mushroomlover13 @kimqueenofhell @vane28282 @namor-is-the-way @daaiissyyyyy @anyzandy @pturnersblog @cherrychupachup

Miles pov

Years ago, on Earth. . .

The love of my life was dying.

At the age of ten, my love was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was unexpected, and it happened over the course of a week.

During class, she started to seize and she was taken away in an ambulance. Her lungs were filled with liquid and with hundreds of tests done, it was confirmed she has stage two lung cancer.

She was pulled out of school, but that didn't keep me from her. Every day, like clockwork, I took a bus to the hospital to visit room 23.

And over the course of a few years, she kept getting worse.

Her parents didn't want her to do chemo, but it was her only chance of living. Her eyes were sunken in, but the sparkle was still there. Her spirit was breaking but she was still smiling. Her curly hair was coming off in clumps but she insisted she looked better bald.

I wanted to see her get better.

I wanted to see her out of here.

"Nina," I said one day, catching her attention as the nurse finished taking her blood.

"Yes?"

"Once you're better, I'm gonna marry you," Her eyes widened.

"Wh-what the fuck? Miles, don't joke about stuff like that-"

"I'm not joking. I love you, and I've been in love with you since we were kids. I'll join the military and get us a house, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again, I swear to you," She started to cry and at first, I thought my feelings weren't reciprocated.

But she kissed me and said yes.

I had asked her fathers permission beforehand. I wanted him to know that his daughter would be taken care of, and that I would always be by her side. Her mother was hesitant, but they both knew that if I waited any longer, I would regret never telling her.

Date nights were spent in her room. I would pick up her favorites and new things to try, just to see the reaction on her face when she found something else she liked.

One night, I had fallen asleep in the room. I was going to head home, since visiting hours were done, but she wanted me to stay.

I fell asleep with her hand in mine, my back getting used to the chair I would find myself taking naps in.

Suddenly, I heard a blaring alarm. My eyes snapped open and turned to Nina, who was seizing.

“Nina!” I tried running to her side but doctors were already forcing me out. Her eyes were on mine as I was being dragged out, and she tried speaking but no words would leave her lips.

“Please, help her!”

“You can’t be in here, Miles,” One of the nurses said, closing the door infront of me. I rushed to the side window, trying to see what was going on and luckily, they didn’t close the blinds. They turned her on her side, forcing out her IV and her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

You’ll be okay.

They’ll save you, just like they always do.

But her heart rate was going down. Rapidly.

“Hey!” I screamed, banging on the glass.

“Hey, don’t you give up on me! Nina, you need to fight!” Love can make you blind. I was so convinced that she would be out of there that I ignored how skinny she had gotten, and how pale she was. I wanted so badly to believe that she would get out so I could marry her that I didn’t even see it.

She wanted to die.

She was tired of fighting.

And it stopped.

The monitor that always beeps repeatedly, all day and everyday, had stopped.

That’s when the screaming started. I wanted it to be a nightmare. I wanted to wake up as my fists repeatedly hit the glass window, ignoring the pain and the blood. I couldn’t see reason because there couldn’t be any good one. What reason was there to take such a beautiful person away? What reason was there to take her away?

Why couldn’t I just see her smile one more time?

All those thoughts were racing through my mind as I stared at the DNA results infront of me.

Ninat’ia, a Na’vi, perfectly matched the DNA results of Nina Gonzales, who died in 2120.

This felt like a punch to the gut. Like the world was saying “fuck you”.

“Anything come up?” General Ardmore questioned from the doorway.

“Nah, just some bullshit,” I replied, trying to keep my composure as I clicked delete.

Just absolute bullshit.

#avatar the way of water imagine #avatar imagine #avatar the way of water #miles quaritch #na'vi quaritch #the way of water

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

Imagine everyone in genshin could physically see when you lag. Collecting some sunsettia then my ping sky rockets to 999 and im frozen for a good minute in the middle of doing an attack 😭

SOB bro ive gotten caught in some DOWNRIGHT SILLY lags before- i would pass away if they saw that

Esp since i get them stuck then just start laughing my ass off 💀

This gif took me out this is so funny 😭 i had to put it here LMAO

I accidentally made Venti jump on top of a Aranara house when I was first exploring Sumeru and did that "flying in the air/jumpin down pose" but just. Through a palm leaf, he's just fluttering in the wind it was painfully ironic 😭

BRO

Bro.

What if u were isekaied to Genshin but it still has game rules, and so now ur like a character too,

SO U CAN ALSO LAGGGG STOPPP 😭😭😭

I would constantly be omw to the Backrooms 💀

Glitching thru magic shit bc im inpatient and wanna hurry (lagged myself thru some domain steps once)

OH MY GOD-

IF THEYRE AWARE

OF EVEN JUST YOU LAGGING THEIR BODIES

DUDE 😭

So this is unrelated to lag shit, but Ive just done so much silly ass things in game that they would find just as funny or dumb 💀

♤

So, When i first started Genshin I was on some Shit.

I had only rlly played one or two open world games before, and even then not for a long time, so I just like did the stupidest things

I was fighting in those early domains in Mondstadt right, and I had just gotten to the cutscene with Lisa and Traveler, I think thats all who were there

And I had just finished the last battle in the chamber, so I had just deployed Baron Bunny from Amber but killed the monsters before it could go off-

SO IN THE MIDDLE OF LISA TALKING- JUST AN EXPLOSION HAPPENS STAGE LEFT OFF SCREEN AND INTERUPTS HER LMFAO

I LITERALLY APOLOGIZED TO LISA I WAS CRYING LAUGHING SO HARD

(no pls dont make her aware of that for me she would bully me forever)

I FELT LIKE I WAS JUST CAUSING THESE CHARACTERS PROBLEMS RIGHT OFF THE BAT LMAO

◇

And I also didnt know about boss monsters yet (i didnt watch anyone play genshin/know where or what they were lol goin in blindfolded essentially)

So im running around Mond. and I start fighting a Cryo whopperflower for a little while, im not high level yet, and deadass MID SWORD SWING-

I GLITCH THRU A TINY CRACK IN THE ROCKS BC ITS OPEN ON THE TOP RIGHT??!! SO IT WAS JUST SOLID GROUND TO ME AND IM JUST FALLING-??!!

AND THEN I LAND MY ASS THE GIANT CRYO FLOWER REGISVINE AND I STG IT LAGGED AND WAITED FOR A MINUTE BEFORE IT STARTED MOVING LIKE IT WAS CONFUSED TOO-

AND ITS LEVEL IS LIKE IN THE RED

AND THE FALL KILLED AETHER (which I also didnt know could happen 😭TRAUMA) SO I JUST SUDDENLY HAVE AMBER OUT- !!??

BRO THAT WHOLE SITUATION MADE ME THINK I HAD ANGERED THE TINY FLOWER SO BAD IT JUST BECAME HUGE-

I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN "AMBER FUCK RUNNNN OH GOD AETHER'S DEAD???!! "

BC I WAS LIKE LEVEL 14 VS. ITS LEVEL 36

Talk about an all-knowing creator god 😭😭

Thatd be so embarassing if they remembered that 💀 aether would literally bring it up all the time to get to me

AMBER WOULD PITY ME AND HAVE SYMPATHEY NOO

♧

Then later on in Liyue, theres a chest underneath these guard statues hidden by a bush right? And one of those Geoculus star things too, and i have my compass out trying to find all the Geoculuses(?)

And Im like, " ok towards the statue??"

THEN I JUST PLUMMET- AND I IMMEDIATELY INSTINCTIVELY LIKE, SO HEARTBROKEN AND DISTRESSED SOUNDING "nOPLEASENOTAGAIN- oh, ohhh my godd" my heart was racinggg i literally sighed and I sat there for a minute breathin heavy 😭😭

My team wouldve had a heart attack and field day with me doin shit like that, theyd be like

"This our god? This you?"

Aether has so much blackmail on me 🥲

☆

If I had a mora for everytime I fell on a boss monster in Genshin Impact, I would have 3 mora.

Which isn't a lot of mora, but it's weird that it happened three times.

Cheers,

💀♒️

(we updated the logo bc im stupid and didnt realize i couldve been typing that the whole time)

♡the beloveds♡

Srry figure it was close enough id tag yall anyway

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

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donovan-writes · 7 months

Note

Hi I’m angsty anon😛 I recently got back into the saw movies and am now hyperfixating on them after seeing saw x in theaters. Wondering if I could request a fic about the father/daughter relationship between Amanda and John? Wondering if you could write Amanda getting the shit beat out of her like how Eric beat her up and John’s reaction, what he would do, if he would clean her wounds and take care of her, etc.

YES I CAN I LOVE SAW I COULD KISS YOU ANGSTY ANON IVE BEEN SO DESPERATE FOR SAW ASKS

Psycho Family Headcannons:

Let’s be real Amanda gets into fights a lot. Not even on purpose it just follows her wherever she goes

John always patches her up and tries to make it a lesson. That classic old man “we can learn from this” fatherly advice

It’s a ritual every time they run out of bandaids Amanda gets to pick new bandaids (yes she picks princess bandaids not for herself but to make hoffman use them)

John always hates that he can’t step in and stop Amanda’s fights. He’d ask Hoffman to do it but we all know he’s go “no no I wanna see what happens”

One VERY RARE occasion Amanda had to go to Jill for help getting patched up instead of John because he was gone probably for a doctor’s appointment. It was awkward but they both appreciated the experience

John is gone a lot for doctors appointments (cancer check ups usually happen every 3-6 weeks depending on the stage at least that’s what I experienced) each time he comes back he hears Amanda getting into a fight.

Eventually he pulls the “I won’t always be here to fix you..” and she bursts into tears (see what I did there? I referenced Saw III)

One day Amanda got into a real bad fight with a victim, blood everywhere and most of it was her own.

John when full panic. “What happened?! Who did this to you? How are you feeling? Anything broken? Maybe I should take you to the hospital.”

Amanda calmed him down but he still made her sit her gay ass down so he could patch her up.

John may know some stuff about simple first aid but anything past that he’s lost. Stitches? He can barely hold his hand still. But he’ll put some gauze on it and if need be he’ll have Hoffman do it since he’d definitely know more about that sort of thing.

If she’s crying he’s wiping her tears and telling her that it’s all gonna be okay. “I’m here now. Let’s get you cleaned up”

She called him dad once when she was crying from being hurt and he had a wave of emotions. He has mixed feelings being called dad. It was meant to be for his son after all, not this homicidal maniac druggie he picked up off the street. But he lets it slide after a while and eventually gets used to it

Hoffman never makes fun of Amanda while she’s hurt but once she’s cleaned up he bullies her relentlessly

John then has to break up the fight between his two mentally unstable children, “you shouldn’t be fighting each other like this. Honestly you’re both acting like preschoolers”

John isn’t one for “treats”. He’s not gonna give someone a lollipop for not crying during their shot you feel me? So he doesn’t really give Amanda anything after he patches up her wounds. He’ll give her a pat on the back and encouraging words like “you’re strong and you’re smarter than fighting aimlessly like this.”

John is against the whole “Don’t start fights but you can finish them”. He thinks people should just walk away entirely. Silly man doesn’t realize you can’t always walk away, Amanda has tried explaining that but he won’t listen

Amanda is desperate for hugs from John. She never asks for them verbally but he can catch on when she needs one

Despite him practically being bed ridden his hugs are firm as fuck, one of those hugs where you kinda cry a little no matter who you are, just from how nice it feels

Sorry it’s not a fic! I might write an actual fic using these but I’ve had these headcannons held in my brain ever since I saw these tragic mentally ill people. I’ve got so many headcannons and theories please people send in asks for them.

#please I love this tragic found family #they love and hate each other at the same time #all deranged #they hold a special place in my sad little hesrt #horror #saw #saw vi #mark hoffman #amanda young #saw viii #saw x #saw iii #saw ii #saw headcannons #john kramer #jigsaw #jigsaw apprentices #detective hoffman

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camywamycam · 10 months

Text

what was left behind in the rubble P.3

702 words

soon to be harry x reader

TW//WRITTEN AT 4 AM BY A SLEEP DEPRIVED TEEN!!!

A/N

I know this is a short chapter and im sorry 😭 I finished writing this at 4 am because I can only write at night since I'm with my mom and siblings all day and I refuse to write in front of them 😭 maybe it wasnt a good idea to start a full ass fanfic story with a plot 2 weeks before I leave for summer camp but yolo, ive decided im gonna have this fic go from the summer - hoggwarts and y/n will start acting a lot more like Sirius iykwim

y/ns pov

................

If you had been in the right mindset, you would have impatiently pushed Remus away the second he stepped foot into your room. However, at that moment, all you needed was a hug. You clung onto the soft fabric of his cable knit sweater, which carried the strong scent of chocolate, cigars, and parchment. Remus held you firmly in his arms, patiently waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to open up about your thoughts.

"I hate him," you said in a broken voice.

"You don't mean that," Remus replied, his uncertainty evident in his words. "He loves you, he just... doesn't know the right way to express himself, that's all."

"Well, he obviously doesn't have that problem with Potter," you spat, your voice tinged with envy. "When I traveled all the way to Europe to see my biological father, I was kind of hoping he wouldn't be a total dick."

Remus sat and listened attentively as you rambled, finally realizing how left out you had truly been. The other children never spoke to you, and neither did the adults, except for the usual greetings. The more he spoke to you, the more he learned about your experiences. He discovered that while you were neglected at Grimlands place, you had met a group of muggles who had welcomed you into their friend group so at least you hadn't been totally alone. In the mere 45 minutes of conversation, Remus had already learned more about you than your very own father.

You and Remus continued to chat throughout the night in the room which you had made your own. For the first time in a while when you woke up that morning you didn't feel absolutely terrible. you turned to your side and checked your phone notifications before getting ready for the day.

you tried to sprint down the stairs as quietly as possible knowing the other adults in the house wouldn't be so happy about you sneaking off to hang around strange people whom they knew nothing about. It was almost comical how much they tried to control you when you and they both knew they didn't care about you in the slightest. As you raced down the stairs you bumped into a pale boy with messy black hair and glasses that were a tad bit too large for his face. "black." he spat "potter." "and where do you think you are going?" he said sassily

harrys pov

....................

it was strange seeing y/n actually dressed. since none of the kids went outside we mostly stayed in our lounging clothes. I took note of y/ns red top, flared jeans, a jean jacket that was covered in patches, and Converse. She actually looked quite nice... but I would never admit that.

"out." that's all she said as she tried pushing past me. I grabbed a hold of her wrist "What's your problem? You've been acting rude ever since you got here. You could at least try to talk to your dad." she scoffed in my face "Oh I've tried. he's the one who doesn't want me here." "Maybe he would actually like you if you weren't such a bitch." I was shocked at the words falling from my mouth. did I say that out loud? my thoughts were confused as y/n turned around and punched me square in the nose. Adults rushed in as they heard me fall into a vase smashing it while holding my bloody nose. Mrs. Weasly scolded y/n “what on earth have you done!” she screamed at y/n but she just looked around with a red face and big eyes as she rushed towards the door slamming it shut, not that anyone cared.

"don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry," you thought to yourself as you ran to your friends' house. luckily she asked no questions and just welcomed you in with open arms. you eventually told her what had happened at Grimmlands place and she was pissed. both her parents said you could stay with them as long as you needed. they even let you move into the guest room so you wouldn't have to continue sleeping on your friend's floor. you know that you can't stay here long since school is starting soon, but you might as well enjoy it while you can.

tag list

@moonys0chocolate @venomsvl @quackitysdrugdealer @superduckmilkshake

#Harry Potter #remus lupin x reader platonic #sirius black x daughter!reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter x reader #harry potter angst #poorly written fics

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ailendolin · 5 months

Note

ive seen you discuss that scene in the thomas thorne affair where alison isnt paying attention to thomas as he tries to tell her about his death, and i think it's worth discussing the scene prior too. it's broad daylight when they unearth the musketball and thomas runs off, and it's night by the time he comes to talk to alison.

i can only imagine he's been alone that entire time since he ran off and clearly no one went to find him since theyre all just like "oh youre talking about his death? i'll join in!"

and when he says he wants to apologise for his outburst earlier that day and she goes "which one" and he responds that she's kind to make light of it, i feel SO bad for him cuz it's not like she was just trying to make light of it to lighten the mood, she was just actively annoyed he was there

i get that she probably finds him really annoying but like come on man have some tact, the dude was shot to death for crying out loud?? surely if ever he had a right to be dramatic about something, it's that??

Thank you for this ask, anon, and for giving me an excuse to talk about The Thomas Thorne Affair again!

I think the post you're referring to is this one where I wrote about how dismissive Alison is when Thomas comes to talk to her about his death and how she isn't even really listening to him when he starts his retelling of it. But you're right, we should absolutely talk about what happens earlier because the time jump is significant and says so much about him and his relationship with Alison and the ghosts. I think it's safe to assume that Thomas spent the time that passed between the opening scene and him seeking out Alison on his own. We know the ghosts don't go after him when he runs off upset - they didn't in 1x04 when he finds out the documentary is about Byron, and neither later in the same episode when he goes to 'drown himself in the lake'. In fact, they don't even bother to tell him that the film crew left and just leave him there. It's a recurring pattern with Thomas - run off, wait for someone to come, realise no one will, go back to the others. So I'd say it's highly likely it repeats here which means he probably spent hours waiting for someone to come looking for him and eventually gave up hope and set out to find Alison.

And next we get the apology scene (which I've always found interesting because Thomas doesn't just barge into the bedroom like you'd maybe expect him to. No, he waits outside the door until Alison and Mike have finish talking and then announces his presence). He's obviously, desperately in need of someone to talk to in that moment and Alison just ... doesn't care. At all. It's one thing to chalk his apology up to him being dramatic (even though like you I feel bad for him every time I watch it) but when he asks if he can give her an 'account of the unhappy events of that fateful day', there is not a hint of drama in his tone. It's a genuine request, and it breaks my heart that Alison doesn't even pretend she wants to hear it. And this is what I mean when I say that she and the ghosts don't extend the same gentle understanding and patience towards Thomas they extend towards each other. He is always considered a nuisance, even in moments like this when he is genuinely upset and looking for comfort and a willing ear to listen.

And then, of course, the episode unfolds and everyone else takes over his story. The moment Robin enters the room, Alison's whole demeanor changes. All of a sudden, she becomes invested and Thomas gets pushed into the background as one by one, the other ghosts tell their version of his death and turn the whole thing into a spectacle - the evening's entertainment, as I've called it before. They treat it as one of their clubs and once the excitement is over, they eave for the next bit of entertainment (which parallels the spectators of the duel going back inside in the flashback). Not a single one of them stays behind and asks him if he would like some company. They know he's not okay - 'it's worse' says it all. Thomas has just had his world turned upside down and no one cares. He died alone and unloved, and he ghosts that way too. There is no comfort for him in the afterlife, and it's no wonder that he's the character who keeps insisting that 'you stay how you die.' Because for him, it's true. He keeps waiting and waiting, and no one ever comes.

The Thomas Thorne Affair really highlights how little the others care about him. Even in the very beginning of the episode, he's sitting away from everyone else (something that is also a recurring pattern - one day I will make a post about it). It's a visual reminder that he's not really a part of the group, and everything else going on in the episode underlines that. But no matter how annoying Thomas may be - and Alison certainly has a right to feel annoyed by his romantic advances - he deserves to be shown a little more kindness by the others. There's no excuse for them to be treating his death like a joke and leaving him to deal with the fallout of the truth coming to light on his own. They should have rallied around him in that moment and been there for him just like they're there for each other when anyone else falters and struggles. Thomas has been alone for too long already, and it's heartbreaking that no one can or wants to see that.

#I feel like I got a little sidetracked here but gods I love this episode so much because we get to see the Thomas beneath all the drama #and it's so incredibly well written and executed #thomas thorne #bbc ghosts #mp bbc ghosts #the thomas thorne affair #bbc ghosts 2x04

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emlovslennon · 5 months

Note

Hii I love your writing! Could I get a beatlemania era ringo (on one of his few days off) talking about marriage with the reader 🥺 im desperate for cute fluffy and sappy

YES I CANNN!! i love this so so much🤍

era: 1964

Beatlemania was at it’s height, and the Beatles were bigger than they ever had been, they’ve been on tour for months now, and after what felt like a century, they were finally allowed to come home for a few days, which was usually not common for them. You and Ringo had been together for about three years now, and you had wondered off and on whether or not ‘the’ question was going to be brought up. Usually women your age would be married off already with kids, but you just haven’t hit that stage yet. Well, until today that is.

You were finishing up with taking your makeup off and getting ready for bed when Ringo walked into your shared bedroom, you had greeted him a crying mess earlier that morning when he finally got to come home.

“Love, can I talk to you about something?” Ringo asked, looking seemingly nervous, which made you anxious yourself.

“Of course, what’s wrong?” You replied

“Well, I’ve been thinking lately, since we’ve been together for so long, and you know Johnnys been married for a bit, and how happy they look, I was just, really wanting that to be us, y’know? Because I have never loved anyone as I much as I love you. And being away from you for so long has really made me realize that.” He said, as he walked closer and closer to you, until you he was standing right in front of you. Tears began to fill your eyes, you couldn’t believe was happening right now.

“Ringo… are you-“ you were cut off when Ringo slowly bended down on one knee and pulled out a little velvet box from his pocket and opened it, revealing a beautiful, white, diamond ring. It had to have been at least 24k. Your mouth dropped and tears had finally started to roll down your cheeks.

“Y/n, will you marry me, darling?” He asked.

You couldn’t even speak, you frantically nodded and kissed him, you were beyond happy, Ringo has been nothing but your biggest supporter and the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for, you couldn’t wait for your future together as husband and wife, maybe touring wasn’t so bad after all.

OKAY NGL I REALLY LIKED THIS ONE THIS WAS PROB THE CUTEST THING IVE EVER WRITTEN LMAO BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED ITTT

#classic rock #classic rock imagines #george harrison #john lennon #paul mccartney #ringo starr #the beatles #john lennon x reader #the beatles x reader #60s #ringo starr x reader

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dudadragneel · 10 months

Text

Hello guys! It's me!

And I'm back with another request!

This one was by @seungminsheartxoxo !

I'm sorry if this is shorter than usual but I loved the scenario you asked for! It was different from what I've written so far 😁

I hope you'll enjoy it!

💜

This takes places during the time when Hyunjin hurt his hand because I’ve been dying for a comfort fic during that period of time. Okay so it starts off where Hyunjin’s hand is hurt and he’s in a lot of pain (like literally crying n stuff) so y/n decides to just go to the pharmacy and get him pain medication that was prescribed but it’s obviously really strong. He takes it anyways though and at first it’s tolerable but then him and y/n go to the grocery store or something and it starts making him feel really dizzy. So you finish shopping and you’re supposed to eat at a restaurant but he asks if you can eat in the car instead. Obviously y/n has to feed him because his hand is hurt, when suddenly he asks her to stop because he feels nauseous. And because he can’t cover his mouth to stop himself y/n uses her own hand to catch it before it gets all over the car.

CONSEQUENCES

World tours can prove to be really hard sometimes, even though the boys do have a lot of fun with it, as you can see backstage when you're able to attend the concerts.

It's a really hectic period of time, even more than comeback season, because they have back-to-back concerts, such as 3 days in a row, in different cities and countries, sometimes with very few days to rest in between. Because of that, their health can be jeopardized, with their immune system having a hard time fighting off simple colds and other conditions, as you had experienced with Hyunjin before.

Another thing that can happen is injuries, they can happen at any given time, anywhere, it can happen on stage or off stage during an activity or during rehearsal. And this time it was no different.

You managed to travel with them to a few of their concerts during their MANIAC world tour, and unfortunately, Hyunjin sustained a hand injury before taking the stage for their concert in Oakland.

You knew your boyfriend too well to know that even though the experts told him to limit his movements to not worsen the injury, he still wanted to take the stage. There was nothing you could do but watch him and hope that he would be careful with his hand, and your heart wrenched every time you saw him with a pained expression or wincing because of the movements.

He finished the concert with a smile but deep inside, it was taking everything in him to not scream in pain since the injury happened just a few hours ago.

As he came off stage you could see the color draining from his face, as if his body knew it could collapse now. The members noticed as well and were quick to catch him before he could actually faint.

- Hyunjin-ah!

You ran to his side and grabbed his hand as the boys called the staff over.

Hyunjin felt as if he was sinking into the ground, his vision was getting blurry and the voices calling out for him were getting muffled.

The medical staff took him and you to a nearby hospital where they put him on IV drips for a few hours since he had just performed for 3 hours straight, and pain medication.

When the IV drips were done the doctor came in and gave the prescription with all the medication he would need and one to make him sleep, since his body needed to rest well from the concert.

Getting back to the hotel, the staff helped Hyunjin up to your bedroom and set him on the bed. You gave him the medication and somehow, he was knocked out in minutes.

But not every day was easy, from then on, there were countless sleepless nights because of the pain and the fact that no position was actually comfortable for him to sleep in.

After their Anaheim concert, they had what you can call a little break before their Japan concerts. By that time Hyunjin was already in a cast and still in a lot of pain.

And yet he insisted on taking place during rehearsal and content recording.

Since he was on this little break you thought it would be best for him to stay with you for a little while, so that you could take care of him and also let him have some rest. You knew he loved his members but at the same time, he'd have a little more peace by staying with you.

You decided to pick him up at the company and go for a casual dinner before heading home.

Getting there you messaged him to meet you at the back of the building where you parked.

When he arrived at the car you noticed how he looked a little pale and sweaty, which means he was probably practicing.

- Hey babe.

You greeted him as he entered the car and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

- Hey.

He said, returning the kiss. He was too quiet for your liking. You knew something was wrong and you knew exactly what it was but you asked anyway.

- hey, honey, is everything okay?

He took a deep breath in before answering you.

- No...it hurts a lot.

He said breaking down in tears and painful sobs as if he had been holding on the entire day.

You hugged him to try to calm him down and provide some comfort.

- Oh honey. I'm sorry. Did you practice today?

- just a little, it started hurting really early so I didn't do much but it is so intense now.

- How does it feel?

- It's throbbing a lot. It feels like it throbs every time my heart beats. I just want it to stop.

He tilted his head back, still crying, trying to compose himself.

- How about we go to the pharmacy to buy the painkillers your doctor prescribed you?

- Okay.

You started the car and made your way to the pharmacy. The drive there was rather quiet, you put on some chill music so as not to bother Hyunjin and noticed how he kept his eyes closed the entire time with a pained expression on his face and he also winced a few times. Your heart wrenched seeing him like this, especially because you knew that there wasn't much you could do but give him painkillers and take care of him once you got home.

Thankfully the pharmacy you went to had everything Hyunjin needed so you wouldn't have to drive around searching for all the medication.

You knew they were really strong given the amount of pain he would be feeling for some time, as the doctor said.

- Babe, are you gonna take them now?

- Yeah...it's too painful...

- They are really strong, have you eaten anything? Otherwise, it can make you feel faint and even mess up your stomach. You know how these work.

- I did eat about an hour before you came to pick me up.

- Okay then. Here, take this.

You gave him a water bottle so he could take the pills and went back to the car. Since they were strong medications with quick effects, you waited a bit in the car to see how he would feel. You needed to go to the grocery store but you didn't know if he could handle that and you didn't want to leave him alone at your apartment.

About 25 minutes later you asked how he was feeling and he assured you that the pain was better and that he wasn't feeling bad from the painkillers.

- So, do you think we can go to the grocery store now? I really need to buy some stuff for our breakfast tomorrow.

- Yes.

- After we're finished we'll go have dinner at a nearby restaurant, okay? Just like we agreed early on.

- Not gonna lie, I'm a bit hungry.

The grocery store wasn't that far from where you guys were and the ride there felt a little better with Hyunjin actually interacting a bit with you and enjoying the music.

The road was practically empty and the night was beautiful, you could drive all night long with him and listen to music. But you knew everything Hyunjin wanted now was a good shower and a warm cozy bed.

The grocery store you liked to go to was rather big and had a variety of nice stuff to buy especially snacks.

You got a small cart just in case and started your shopping, Hyunjin glued on you the whole time.

You grabbed a few of his favorite snacks and yours as well, along with some other tasty things to make breakfast for the two of you. And also some Gatorade and some juice.

Everything was going smoothly and you couldn't wait to go get dinner but then, things started to go south.

Hyunjin started to feel the collateral effects of the painkillers, most likely because he hadn't actually eaten enough to handle such strong medications.

As you walked down one of the aisles, he started to feel really dizzy. He could feel the ground sinking beneath his feet and his vision was getting blurry and dark. He grabbed onto your hoodie halting midway.

- Hyunjin? What's wrong?

You said turning to him and grabbing his arms so you could support him as you noticed that his complexion was pale.

- I feel really dizzy...

- it's probably the medication. Can you keep walking?

- I'm afraid that I might pass out...

- Okay, come on.

You helped him sit down and kneeled beside him.

By now a few people at the store were stopping to look at the situation, and you could see that it was making Hyunjin start to feel nervous as his hands were shaking and his breathing was getting labored. The last thing you wanted now was for him to have an anxiety attack.

You grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly bringing his attention over to you and started to draw circles.

- Hey, hey, hey. Don't pay attention to anything other than me, ok? Focus on me. There's only you and me here, okay? Take deep breaths with me.

He followed your breathing pattern to calm himself down and kept looking at you, as you guided him through it.

Thankfully, a nice employee came to see what was happening and told the people to not surround him and give him some space. They also brought some salt and water for Hyunjin to see if it would help with his blood pressure which lowered due to the medication.

- Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

Hyunjin put some salt under his tongue and after a few minutes, he felt a little better.

- How do you feel?

- A little better...not as dizzy as before...

- Let's go.

You helped him up and he clung to you for support as he still felt lightheaded, even if it wasn't as strong as before.

You helped him walk to the cashier to pay for everything and you noticed he still looked pale and wobbly.

You told him to enter the car first while you put the groceries in the trunk. When you entered the car yourself, he looked half asleep.

- Babe, are you okay?

- Hm? Yeah...it's just the medication... I feel tired, weak...

- Why don't we go home then?

- No. Let's go have dinner, I'm hungry and so are you. It's okay.

- Sure?

- Yes.

You knew deep down he was saying that just to not let you down because you could see in his face that he looked unwell. You'd risk saying that the medication wasn't even working properly.

The restaurant you were going was a bit far away and halfway there the traffic-jammed a little. As you drove Hyunjin started to feel weird again.

He started to feel dizzy, even though he was sitting down, he felt as if there was some sort of pressure in between his eyes that wasn't making it possible for his vision to focus. He felt like his whole body was swaying and his vision was getting black spots.

He brought a hand to his face and pinched the area between his eyes in an attempt to get rid of that weird feeling and you noticed.

- Hyunjin, what's going on?

- it's just...my head feels weird...it feels light. It's like I still feel dizzy...

- Oh honey. That medication is really strong. After we eat something you'll feel better.

He just nodded and closed his eyes to try to rest a little and you placed your hand on his to reassure him he wasn't alone.

After about 30 minutes you arrived at the restaurant and found a nice spot to park the car. Thankfully this was one of the very few places you could go with him and not have to worry about paparazzi and stuff.

As you were getting your stuff to get out of the car, you noticed Hyunjin had gone quiet and was looking distressed.

- Honey? What is it?

You said putting a hand on his shoulder and gently caressing it.

- Can we eat here? I'm afraid of passing out if I stand up now...I feel weird...

- Sure. I'll go get out dinner and I'll be back soon.

You quickly went to the restaurant and ordered your food, you just wanted Hyunjin to eat something soon so that he could feel a little better from the effects of the painkillers.

A few minutes later you came back with the food and thankfully the car had enough space to place the drinks and eat comfortably.

Since he was in a cast, you had to help him eat, so you took turns between feeding him and eating.

The first few bites tasted heavenly for Hyunjin, given the fact that he ate very little and took strong painkillers. But then it started to taste weird.

His stomach started to feel heavy, stuffed as if he had eaten too much and that was obviously not the case. He was now having a hard time swallowing the food, he'd chew until it became tasteless, and yet he couldn't properly swallow.

- Babe, wait.

He said motioning for you to stop as he brought his good hand to his mouth, trying his best to swallow the food.

- What is it?

- I feel nauseous...

You dropped down the chopsticks and tugged his hair behind his ear to look at him. As if on cue, his stomach jumped and sent everything up without much warning and he couldn't cover his mouth in time.

You instinctively placed your hand under his mouth as he lurched forward, chunky vomit spilling out of his mouth and pooling in your hands.

- Oh my god, honey.

Thankfully he had enough time to breathe before another stream came out so you had to act quickly.

- Babe, try to grab a cloth inside the glove compartment.

He grabbed it and placed it underneath your hands so you could get rid of the vomit without soiling his clothes or the car. And then you quickly grabbed the plastic bag in which you brought the food and placed it underneath his mouth and held it for him.

- There. Just let everything out.

He didn't have much choice, he burped another thick wave of chunky vomit, so strong it came out of his nose as well. He gagged again and arched his back painfully as another thick wave ripped through his body.

You couldn't do much but watch and reassure him it was okay since you were holding the bag for him.

And because he had just eaten and not drunk anything, it kept coming out in thick waves, so it was straining him a lot. He coughed and gagged harshly, face getting red from the effort.

- Oh babe. Breathe.

He lifted his head and took deep breaths like you said and blew his nose.

- Are you done?

- I don't know...

- Okay. Let me get this away from your face for a while.

You took the bag away so that he wouldn't keep looking at or smelling it.

You helped him clean his mouth and proceeded to tie his hair since you couldn't do that a few minutes ago.

- How are you feeling?

- Awful...I still feel sick...

He brought a hand to his mouth to cover a burp and tilted his head back, leaning on the seat.

You opened his window to try to help him catch some fresh air and also to get rid of the vomit stench inside the car.

- Is this better?

- Yeah...

He had his eyes closed and took deep breaths and you saw that he kept swallowing, so you rubbed his hand reassuringly.

- Honey, it's okay if you need to be sick again. Don't hold it in, it'll only make you feel worse.

He just nodded, still with his eyes closed and head tilted back. He didn't want to be sick anymore, his hand hurt as if he had just injured himself and he was dying of embarrassment for vomiting in your hand.

But what he wanted was not what his body wanted, the medication was messing up with him and his stomach was in turmoil. Its contents were sloshing around, gurgling noises coming from it.

He squeezed his eyes in an attempt to ignore the growing awful feeling in his stomach, but it was determined to get out.

He felt hot liquid coming up his chest and hitting the back of his throat, he tried swallowing and managed for a brief moment. But then a wet burp brought everything up again, making him lurch forward on his seat.

You acted fast and quickly got the bag under his mouth as another strong wave of pale vomit poured out of his mouth mixing with what was already in the bag.

- Oh honey. My poor baby.

He was in so much pain from all the straining his body was making him go through he instinctively reached for your hands but since they were occupied he held onto your hoodie, he needed to feel your presence.

- I'm sorry I can't hold your hand now, but I'm right here, honey.

His grip tightened as a cough brought up a thin stream of watery vomit. He breathed a few times before another harsh gag brought up nothing but bile. After that, he just kept spitting out thick saliva.

- Babe, I think you're done. Lift your head up.

He did as you told him while you took the bag away one more time, and helped him clean his mouth and nose. He took a few deep breaths before he deemed it safe to open his mouth to talk.

- I don't feel sick anymore but my stomach still feels weird...

- I know babe, it's completely empty now. But you got everything you needed out of your system.

- Sorry for throwing up on your hands... I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize. I don't mind that at all, you know that.

- And you ended up just wasting your money...

- Don't say that! You didn't know it would happen. We'll come back here on another occasion. Let's go home, shall we?

- Yes...please...

- Okay. Let me just dispose of this.

You got out of the car and threw away the plastic bag. Before leaving, you gave him some water, you thankfully brought, so Hyunjin could rinse his mouth.

The ride home didn't have any further incidents, the traffic wasn't jammed so you got home quickly, and Hyunjin was so tired he dozed off the entire ride.

Getting home, you parked the car and saw the state Hyunjin was in. The boy was sweaty, still pale and shaking, you had to get him on a bed as soon as possible.

- Babe, we're here. Can you stand?

- Hm? I don't know...I feel light-headed

- I'll help you, come on.

You helped him out of the car, wrapped your hand around his waist while the other held his good hand over your shoulder. You carefully guided him to the elevator but to him, it seemed like it was miles away and he felt as if he was drunk.

Each step felt like his feet were sinking, he felt wobbly, his vision kept getting blurry and wavy, it felt like he kept coming in and out of consciousness as he walked, and it felt like he would just collapse at any given time.

But thankfully you got him to your apartment safely and as soon as he was in there he just pointed at the bathroom door and you understood what he meant.

Given his weak state you didn't want to have him kneel down and then stand back up so you guided him to the sink, at least there you could support his weight instead of having to find the strength to get him up from the ground.

You held his hair as he bent forward spatting out thick saliva and leaving his mouth open, waiting for the inevitable. After a few unproductive gags, a harsh cough brought up some bile and stomach juice.

You rubbed his back up and down to provide him some comfort that you couldn't do in the car.

- Oh honey. There's nothing left for you to throw up. You'll only hurt your throat if you keep doing this.

- It just feels like it won't stop...my stomach feels heavy like I'm full...

You helped him rinse his mouth by getting some water in your hands and bringing it to his mouth and helped him brush his teeth as well.

- Do you think you can take a shower? You're sweaty and I think it'll help you relax so you could try to sleep.

- I'm not sure...can you stay with me?

- of course. Get in the bathtub, it's safer.

He took off his clothes and got into the bathtub, the water was lukewarm, the perfect temperature. After he took most of his shower, you helped him wash his hair.

You kneeled down behind him and washed his hair, massaging his scalp and shoulders in the process. You could feel him relaxing under your touch and he felt safe with you, so much so he almost fell asleep right there.

After he got out, you helped him get dressed in some cozy clothes and then blow-dried his hair, which felt fluffy afterward.

- How are you feeling now, babe?

- Exhausted...

- And the pain?

- It hurts so much it's practically numb...

- Oh my poor thing. Do you wanna drink a smoothie and take the medication afterward?

- I'm afraid of vomiting again.

- You won't. You'll take nausea medication first. It'll help.

- Okay.

You gave him some dramin and went to the kitchen to make him a light smoothie.

Thankfully his stomach accepted, the dramin worked, and he managed to drink everything and take those godforsaken strong painkillers.

He cuddled with you, laying on your chest, a comfy blanket covering both of you. Within minutes he was fast asleep, while you kept stroking his hair.

You were glad that after so many days of constant pain and no rest from activities or because of the injury, he was finally able to sleep peacefully.

But that didn't mean you didn't want to scold him for taking part in dance practice today.

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