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sapphicdib · 3 months

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"i could gush about my sig headcanons all day but auuughvjgghh". You know what, do it. I dare you. After that sleepy iterators post I'm itching for more headcanons to ponder.

SORRY THIS IS RLLY LATE, IVE BEEN WORKING A LOT

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME HAVE AN EXCUSE TO HAVE A CATEGORY 10 AUTISM MOMENT ON THE DASH. this is legit about to be a better essay than anything ive ever turned in for university so strap in, obv everything is gonna be under the cut bc this is prolly gonna be long as fuck

Okay! My main headcanons for Sig are:

He uses he/she/it pronouns, but mainly he/she!

He's a bioengineering dork.

She's a specialized medical facility!

She doesn't really care much about the great problem, and thus has a lot of hobbies. He knitted her own scarf!

She has a lot of friends, even outside of the local group. He's incredibly close with Chasing Wind.

He's a mid-gen iterator, (Ages being: LTTM, SRS, SOS, CW, NSH, UI, FP), so his emotional AI is a lot more advanced than Suns' (there's quite a gap between the two, Suns is closer to Moon in terms of age).

She considers Hunter to be her daughter, Hunter calls him her dadmom and Moon her mom.

He tends to bury these emotions down for the sake of others, which leads to...bad situations.

She's terrified of being alone :)

Sig just gives me gender fucky-wucky vibes. Her pronouns are the/bit and he's committed to it. There's not really a basis for this in canon but it just fits his personality of being pretty laid back and goofy when not in um. emotional distress. Also the accessorizing to his puppet (ie the scarf) makes me think he likes to experiment with her appearance and presentation. To add on to this in the streamer au she goes by any pronouns and is pretty androgynous, so none of his followers can tell his AGAB, and its funny to him to watch the chat argue about it. (He's AFAB, tbh I can't see her as anything else). No one can guess his sexuality either, the only "confirmed" thing seems to be polyamourous, but other than that it's "whatever makes it gay", or "whatever pisses you off most".

Sig obviously has a knack for bioengineering, as he was the one who started investigating the idea of using purposed messengers to stay in contact with others once the comms degraded, not to mention the creation of the slag reset keys. Yes this is my incoming rant of "Sig is not bad at making slugcats", since sometimes people tend to act like "Sig didn't follow Suns' instructions" or something like that, and that's why Hunter is sick. There are MULTIPLE points in their conversations where it's outright stated that Sig was the one who did it first:

Sig was the one who showed Suns the process:

SRS: I purposed a messenger, and sent the information by land via a data pearl. NSH: How original of you. SRS: I learned from the best.

Sig clearly has experiences with messengers, and Spearmaster happens before Sig begins working on Hunter:

NSH: I feel like I need to be simplifying my speech patterns. Is that something you do when conversing with your messenger?

SUNS SAYS "ANOTHER" MESSENGER, AND THEN LATER SIG SAYS "ANOTHER MESSENGER" AS WELL. SIG HAS MADE MESSENGERS BEFORE:

SRS: Do you suppose you'll ever raise another messenger?

NSH: I'm tempted to start work on raising another messenger as a last ditch effort, but to be honest I don't think there is any point.

And then, in her reply, she says, "*I* started investigating the method".

NSH: If the need arises, I certainly would. After all, I started investigating the method out of the inevitability of our situation.

And just to nail it down that Sig was the one who purposed them first, the gossip between Wandering Omen and Pleading Intellect:

PI: You haven't heard about what No Significant Harassment did? WO: All I heard was the complaining. Didn't he send an iterator something distasteful? PI: Well, yes, but more importantly, he trained a purposed organism to deliver it!

WO: How do you even get a dull creature such as that to follow orders? I may consider asking him to teach me his ways.

So yes, Sig was the one to purpose the messengers first. She had already made at least one in the past, to send the "distasteful message" to someone. I'd honestly say he probably made more between that/before, to test the efficacy and also just to mess around with the process.

This leads into my next headcanon: Sig was a specialized medical facility! Five Pebbles mentions to Hunter that "I was not a medical facility even when the equipment was functioning," so I believe that there were some more specialized iterators built. Sig's knowledge of bioengineering could be an indication of this specialization, not to mention it fits with him not really caring about the great problem to the same degree as everyone else. Purely headcanon after this point, but when Sig was first built, Moon was very nervous about getting a new model of "specialized" iterator that she wouldn't be able to help train as well! Moon was a more generalized iterator as she was older, so she does have knowledge about medicine and bioengineering, as all iterators did for the health and growth of her city, but nothing to the degree Sig would need. Thankfully, iterators are fucking supercomputers, so its not like Sig needed much "training" in the way of that, but still. Moon wanted to be a good mentor to her! And she very much was, considering how Sig turned out. That's why they ended up so close.

After the mass ascension, he became the resident "doctor" of the local group. Pointing back to the slag reset keys, Sig seems to have shoved as many as he could into that thing, since Pebbles reacts to the amount of them with surprise, so he knows his way around iterator biology. In pure headcanon mode now, when they develop my tangible projections thing (which Sig and Moon were heavily involved in), it meant that she could actually help others by preforming repairs on their puppets, and even their structures by sending her overseer into them. Moon's inspectors enjoy head pats from her whenever he's passing by.

Her being a medical facility also means she doesn't give as much thought to finding the Triple Affirmative as others. His processing power was delegated more towards finding cures, aiding the sick, and engineering better production techniques for medical equipment and such. His city is also highly accessible and optimized for the disabled and elderly. When you're a medical facility, your goal is more to keep people alive than perma-kill them! I mostly get this headcanon from the fact that when Suns is faced with "what to do" other than solve the great problem, they respond with "What else CAN we do? You're stuck in your can, and at any moment you have no more than two alternatives: Do nothing, or work like you're supposed to.". Meanwhile, Sig responds to Suns' question about purposing another messenger with "There's nothing better for me to do with my time, though.". Not to mention, he was already purposing messengers before this, so she certainly wasn't dedicating all of her time to iterating the great problem! Of course, he probably did iterate on it, just not to the degree his peers did. He also jokes about it in that broadcast where Wind is telling everyone about erratic pulse, saying "Haha with the slimers, lizards and etceteras? Surely the answer was in a lizard skull all along!" so it really seems like he doesn't take it very seriously.

Her disinterest in solving the problem led to her developing a wide range of hobbies. He's an iterator after all, they probably get horrifically bored if they're not doing something! She taught herself to knit (telling his citizens it helped her focus so they would provide her with needles and yarn), and eventually learns to make garments as well. I headcanon he plays video games too, especially with Chasing Wind, mostly just because she probably wanted to see if an iterator could run Doom for the lolz. Probably also trolls in the group chats sometimes, considering the "distasteful pearl", and I think her being being NGI ("No Great Ideas") would be funny as hell. This also makes it pretty obvious why I made the streamer au, Sig's a top level player for multiple FPS games and has won some pretty prestigious awards in esports tournaments. And then she goes home and plays Hollow Knight randomizers with Pebbles in a maid outfit.

Sig's personality also lent itself to having a lot of friends. Her and Chasing Wind were built less than 50 cycles apart (Wind is older), so they're practically attached at the hip. Wind isn't in her local group (He's in Sliver's), but they're still very close. It's not really explored much in canon since we really only see her interact with Suns for the most part, but given her personality, I don't think it'd be a far off assumption for him to have lots of friends. Because she's younger, she also has a more sophisticated emotional AI...which can be detrimental at times, but is helpful when it comes to maintaining friendships!

AHAH So here comes the um. SAD portion of the rant lol. I feel like Sig buries her emotions down a lot, for the sake of others. In her conversations with Suns, we do see him get snappy with him, but for the most part he remains either calm or sympathetic, at the most a bit pessimistic towards the end. When she finally does call Suns out for their bullshit, he (presumably) stops replying to Suns for a short time before apologizing and continuing to talk to them.

SRS: I'm in noticing you are becoming more defensive. This obviously wasn't the end result I was aiming for, you know. SRS: Please respond to my messages. I don't want to leave it like this. I need someone to talk to. NSH: I don't mean to be cold, I'm just very worried.

After this interaction, Sig seems to either just reply with facts/possibly explanations for Moon/Pebbles' actions, or completely changing the subject to Suns' messenger, which then leads to the broadcast where Suns is telling her all the ways they modified their messenger to sneak past Sig's overseers, by not giving them the mark and hiding the pearl, we see Sig's replies become very short, single sentence answers.

This to me reads as slightly passive aggressive, but Suns doesn't seem to pick up on it. To be honest I in my head I hear this as Sig hissing this shit through clenched teeth if he could, but it's just text so I suppose we'll never know.

Additionally, he still does let his emotions overwhelm her at points, (such as during the "Your plan was a complete failure" broadcast), but the most blatant is probably in the messages she sends to Moon and Pebbles.

Starting with the Pebbles one:

NSH: Five Pebbles, I will say once again. You need to stop. Immediately. NSH: I know you are going to trash this message like the rest, but... NSH: I hope eventually when you are out of this state of mind you will look back at these. NSH: Look back and reflect on all the regrets you've set yourself up to have.

Sig is angry. Like he shows no sympathy for him, and just hopes he wallows in regret for the rest of his life. She does express his dislike of Pebbles while talking to Suns as well, but manages to still be nice by saying "I think a lot of us were like that in the beginning.", and such, and then drops the subject by the next broadcast by talking about Suns' messenger. He only ever talks about Moon's condition, likely to keep himself from being a dick about Pebbles in front of Suns because talking directly about him is obviously pretty touchy. But this broadcast is straight up mean. She doesn't manage to hold back her emotions but to be honest? I don't think he actually cares, if he burns that bridge with Pebbles then fine, because Pebbles burned it first.

Pebbles took away one of the few friends he still had in this dying world.

I really and truly believe that Sig's biggest fear is being alone. She makes the slugcats as a way to keep in contact with others after the comms arrays degrade. After being snappy with Suns, she immediately backtracks, apologizes, and keeps talking to them, even if it hurts. His messages to Moon also emphasize this:

NSH: Moon? Moon, are you able to communicate?

NSH: Moon? It's me again.

NSH: I need to talk to you. I need to know you're okay.

The fact that we are provided two of these broadcasts and not just one seems to point to the idea that these are not the only two Sig sent. "It's me again." There is more desperation in her tone compared to the messages he shares with Suns, possibly because he's more comfortable expressing his profound distress with Moon because they're closer. A part of me headcanons she...never stopped sending messages. He needs to know she's okay. You can even find a green overseer in outer expanse and subterranean, locked out of the facility but still searching, still looking for any sign of Moon...or Hunter.

When Sig sends Hunter to Moon, the pearl he sends is goofy and lighthearted. He doesn't want to bring her down when she's already suffering enough. It's short, and sweet, because anything longer would probably devolve into something unpleasant. She's holding the words on that pearl together with tape and glue. Once again, hiding the pure grief he feels for the sake of others.

I also think that's why Hunter is sick. Once again, pure headcanon, but Sig mentions this on the pearl:

Excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc.

I kinda interpret this as Sig pushing herself too hard to make Hunter in time to save Moon, and in turn, irreversibly damaging himself in the process. An emergency shutdown occurred after he ignores the 50th pressure warning his systems desperately tried to get her to pay attention to, causing Hunter to become sick thanks to the sudden disruption in his concentration, much like Pebbles and the rot. This is also why no other messengers were sent after this, Sig simply couldn't make any more that were healthy. She loved Hunter, and I fully believe that, as Hunter's last vision in the void sea was to return to his arms. Continuing the pure headcanons now, but he treats Hunter like a daughter and knits her a scarf for her journey. She tells Hunter that Moon is her mom. She gives Hunter a name, which were held in very high regard in ancient culture, a gift so she can at least be remembered for her sacrifice: "Hunting the Stars, Moon's Savior."

All and all, Sig is desperately trying to delay the inevitable, watching the walls of loneliness close in as she loses contact with friends, slowly encroaching on her until he's locked up in a box. Alone.

HOWEVER!

I for one, absolutely adore the goofy, flirty personality the fandom gives Sig. I really do believe when he isn't in extreme emotional distress, she is like that. The motherfucker uses tildes in his texts and teases Suns and makes jokes about slimers and lizards. I just like peeling apart the little snippets we see of him, which are mostly at pretty low moments unfortunately, and just seeing what I can extrapolate from that. Even if some of my headcanons are far-fetched and shit, I do at least try to keep most of them at least slightly in character with some explanation.

I hope you enjoyed my unhinged rant about my favorite guy!!!! I put this in google docs and its literally like, 2.4k words, I could genuinely have turned this in to one of my fucking college courses LMFAO. It's probably better than some of the garbage I DID turn in tbh. If you want more I am totally happy to provide, cuz I could make a whole OTHER ramble about Hunter that's just as long LMAOOOO

(Oh also none of this applies to rot au Sig. that freak deserves her own post bc at this point he's 50% oc and 50% No Significant Harassment Rain World LOL)

#rain world #rain world downpour #no significant harassment #NSH RW #rw no significant harassment #rain world lore #letters #GIANT ESSAY INCOMING #IVE BEEN ALLOWED TO RANT ABOUT MY BLORBO #CATEGORY 10 AUTISM MOMENT #rw

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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oh god OH God right so crowley's comment about the richard curtis film? just hit me that he's possibly (probably? im assuming crowley is talking about screenwriter credits here) talking about the ending of four weddings and a funeral (bold choice) and i am reeling bc if im reading into this correctly neil really is letting the narrative punches fly

so i dug through the yt archives to find the ending that id all but suppressed in my memory (andie macdowells acting in this brings me out in hives, crowley is such a hero for making it through this film) and-

right fuck it let's just basically do a basic transcript of it:

carrie: "i just wanted to check you're okay, not busy... killing yourself or anything, but you're fine so... i shouldn't have come to the church this morning. im sorry-"

charles: "no, no, wait- it was all my fault, i- i- im the bastard here! and it definitely sorted out one thing; that marriage and me are very clearly not meant for one another... sorted out another big thing as well- there i was, standing in the church and for the first time in my whole life, I realised i totally and utterly loved one person, and it wasn't the person standing next to me in the veil, it was the person standing opposite me now, in the rain."

carrie: "...is it still raining? i hadn't noticed..."

charles: "the truth of it is that i loved you from the first second i met you... you- you're not suddenly going to go away again, are you?"

carrie: "no... i might drown, but otherwise no!"

charles: "okay, okay, we'll go in... but first! let me ask you one thing... do you think that after we've dried off, after we've spent some more time together, you might agree not to marry me? a-and do you think not being married to me might be something you'll consider doing for the rest of your life?... do you?"

carrie: "...i do."

okay so now that you and me, reader, have had to suffer through that, i am just in shock that this, this, is the scene to which crowley is potentially referring. im not saying that he takes it as absolute inspiration for his romantic scenario idea, bc i think he is just covering for what is his own personal fantasy... but boy is it potentially insightful. as ive said before im fairly certain that whilst he was fascinated and amused by aziraphale, i certainly don't think he fell in love on the Wall like he would like to think, in retrospect, that he did.

so let's board this train hurtling along the rails of that particular thought (ie stick with me), crowley really seems to be deluded as to the love story he and aziraphale share... to the point that in ep2 when he makes the curtis remark, we can infer that whilst he may have been subconsciously reconciling his actual feelings of More with aziraphale for a long time, and only fully accepts and declares them in ep6, he's looked over their history as being more than it actually is. because this script? is not even close to what happened on the wall.

like, first of all - aziraphale is not at all andie/carrie (a divine mercy, truly). aziraphale is not passive, however much he plays into it with his damsel-in-distress syndrome, and certainly is not dim and virtually silent. aziraphale always has Things To Say. and crowley, until ep6, does not wax lyrical about his feelings, his innermost thoughts, and certainly not as 'poetically' (see: cheesy af) as a curtis script. in his playful moments he is an outright dork, but not like this.

now this bit? im going to be fanciful and fanfic-y, and very clumsy in how i put this across... but replace the context for a moment:

charles: "no, no, wait- it was all my fault, i- i- im the bastard here! and it definitely sorted out one thing; that belief and love for god and me are very clearly not meant for one another... sorted out another big thing as well- there i was, standing on the wall and for the first time in my whole life, I realised i totally and utterly loved/believed in? one person, and it wasn't the person standing in front of me when i fell, it was the person standing opposite me now, in the rain."

im not going to double down on the red bits, because it is ridiculous, but the vague idea? insane! insane to intimate that he replaced the void that was his belief system, the divine love he now lacks after falling, the betrayal he feels from god, with aziraphale! goodness crowley, this is not healthy, my guy! and then:

charles: "the truth of it is that i loved you from the first second i met you... you- you're not suddenly going to go away again, are you?"

no, i don't think you did, crowley bud- but you are definitely lonely. and lonely not even in the sense of isolation, but lonely in the sense of lack of purpose, possibly guilt and shame, and the inability to understand (or accept that you do understand) why you're currently in the position you're in. but aziraphale is not the replacement for that.

he's not there to fill the spaces where you're barely holding yourself together. you literally end up spending millennia apart in between your run-ins, and get along with it just fine... or maybe aziraphale does, but do you? is why you do the things you do, did what you did; because of this fear?

(when did i suddenly start addressing crowley directly, ah well i cba to rewrite)

the arrangement? aziraphale be in crowley's company all the time, stop him feeling lonely and make him feel wanted, but not commit to anything more than crowley can handle?

all im saying is that i hope noone dares show crowley the confession from julia roberts in notting hill without giving him a bottle of talisker and a litre of häagen-dazs first 💀

#good omens #crowley #like i may have the wrong film but i dont recall any other rain scenes like this in his work? and im a sucker for romcoms so ive watched #A LOT of curtis' work to my great chagrin #embarrassing #crowley meta #s2 meta

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y0urnewhyperfixation2 · 7 months

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autistic rwby hcs

ive been seeing a lot of autistic rwby hcs so here's some of my own :)) it's very unorganized so good luck (totally was not projecting throughout all of this)

RUBY - the autistic silly ever i love her sm. we already see in the show, even the manga she's crazy obsessed with weapons so I'll take that as either her special interest or hyperfixation. i like to hc that when she was little she rambled abt weapons to mainly yang, but when she went to beacon she began talking abt them more to blake. sometimes even weiss would listen (but again, mainly blake). ALSO ruby cannot understand social cues for her LIFE (me fr). This is a common trait many autistic people share. Overall, she has trouble communicating and interacting with others in v1. In one of the first few episodes (ep 2 i think) she seems to oppose the idea of making new friends when Yang brings it up. This could hint at a small disliking for change (that she eventually learns can be a good thing). when she was younger i like to imagine that ruby wouldn't really have a sense of fear, and would often get herself into dangerous situations that yang or summer had to pull her out of. impulsive ruby perhaps. probably a clumsy little kid too. now these are just hcs so i hc ruby as a leg bouncer. i think she'd stim the most out of all of rwby and just can't keep still no matter what (maybe AuADHD ruby rose idk just an idea). I think ruby would enjoy hand-flapping when she's excited, and she's usually bouncing on her toes or swaying on her feet bc shes so restless. chewing her nails too when she's anxious. I like the idea that ruby would sit down and rock herself when she's distressed (again, totally not projecting). hc that ruby would also despise eye contact. also i think ruby would absolutely hate the texture of eggs, idk why. ruby also has meltdowns from time to time, but they increase in numbers the closer they get to v9 and worsen. ALSO ALSO ALSO ruby has trouble controlling her volume, incorrect pitch tone and speed. basically ruby is very autistic to me :D

WEISS - weiss is a trickier one tbh but I CAN SEE IT. ok so yknow that one time in v2 (or 3 idk) where weiss wont shut up abt the vytal festival and remnant world history n stuff. and that other time she starts talking to ruby abt vale's communication tower and the history behind it. i know she's probably just invested in that stuff bc shes weiss and she was also from another country (atlas), but STILL. i think she would hyperfixate on that stuff. she would like to just compile the weirdest most random facts ever abt the world around her and just start spouting them out at everybody bc it makes her so happy. this makes people think she's a know-it-all though, so :( which also leads into my hc that weiss was forced to mask her autism for a LONG time in Schnee Manor. her father thought she had some "illness" and took the ableist route (sounds familiar). i think this would lead to weiss being insecure abt her autism and having that sinking feeling of needing to be "fixed". dw, weiss begins to embrace and accept her autism the more time she spends with rwby :) also, even if weiss is pretty sarcastic herself i think she had trouble understanding sarcasm back at beacon. she got a little better at deciphering it over the next few volumes but ultimately she has trouble sussing it out sometimes. i also think that weiss would bounce her leg when she's nervous, probably twirl her pencil. her voice gets noticeably higher in the show when she's excited (like when she met with Winter), so i hc that she squeals when shes super happy. she would enjoy organizing as well. maybe she'd even use singing as a vocal stim. at first, i think weiss would've hated being touched, but then she shifts to be absolutely touch-starved. (she likes yang and ruby's hugs the best bc the deep pressure calms her) and also we all know weiss probably sucked at making friends if she ever had the opportunity. she probably also is crazy good at spotting even the smallest details and observations and stuff. ive also considered bpd weiss but y'all arent ready for that discussion

BLAKE - now i'll be honest: i haven't actually thought abt autistic blake a lot. the thought kinda just skimmed my mind im sorry ;w; but we all know blake would hyperfixate on her books. a bunch. ngl she'd probably be that one person in the fandom writing a whole lot of fanfics idk why. maybe she had a small hyperfixation for wildlife and nature when she was little. i can see her being one of those kids who enjoyed playing in the grass and collecting bugs in Menagerie. in the show (beacon arc) we do know that blake is more reserved and it takes a while for her to trust, and its probably bc of her past relationship with adam but shhhhh. BUT at the beginning of v1 we do notice that blake prefers to be alone, and this is different from the whole 'running away bc she thinks she's endangering everyone else' thing. like, at the beginning of v1 she's implied to be mildly annoyed at yang's attempts to befriend her, and she immediately walks away from ruby the first time they met. many autistic people prefer to be alone and blake may have been one of those people. again, just my hcs. i think blake would've had a slightly similar case to weiss, masking her autism around adam. (but less extreme and she stopped masking earlier than weiss.) ghira and kali probably got her diagnosed at a young age, so blake's always been aware of her autism and overall, she doesn't have a big problem with it. i think (mainly post v9) blake would sometimes purr or like yknow hum to soothe herself. i can also see her organizing and rearranging stuff. she would also run her fingers and twirl her hair a bunch. i also think blake would be the most affected from loud noises, and she owns a pair of modified cat-ear headphones for this. blake's social battery is drained pretty easily too.

YANG - haven't thought of her that much either ;w; but i think her special interest would be motorcycles or smth like that. similar to blake, maybe she was obsessed with nature at some point, like bugs and birds. i think yang would also find comfort in deep pressure. probably owns a heavy-weighted blanket (she and ruby would cuddle up underneath it when they were both overwhelmed as kids). yang probably bounces her leg too when she's nervous, maybe taps her fingers on the desk or chews her pencil. i think yang would also struggle with managing her emotions and has several methods to calm herself down. oh and yeah i think yang would've been diagnosed at a young age. she doesn't really know whats "wrong" with her at first, but comes to accept her autism pretty easily after that. when she was little i think she had a rough time making friends. she was always too loud and couldn't control her volume. taiyang has always made an effort to understand yang's autism and tries to help her in any way he can (yang gets a little annoyed by it). oh no yang is a hard one too uhhhh lemme think. yang would've loved certain sweet, flowery smells and fluffy textures as a kid, and often went to them seeking comfort. maybe scented pillow or smth. i think she would've also been those kids to carry around a comfort object like a stuffed animal everywhere (ruby does this too). probably one of those kiddos to also get hurt a lot, so summer would have to patch her up almost every day after school. yang learns to be more careful and watchful of her steps later on. i feel like yang would also be kinda picky abt what clothes and fabric she wears bc of the texture.

my brain juices are dead so those are my autistic rwby hcs. uhm yay bye help this took hours for some reason even though nobody is gonna see this lol

#rwby #rwby thoughts #greenlight rwby volume 10

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furymint · 4 months

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2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

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rpfisfine · 4 months

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do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

#i didnt rly wanna talk abt this but now i cant dodge it anymore i trust my friends respect my opinion and arent mad at me #also wanted to make a disclaimer that ive never set foot on am twitter so my opinion isnt influenced by amtwt at all #i know ppl dont like miles on there but i have genuinely no clue how they go abt it or what they say im not brave enough to make an account #there.#asks #Pleasneeeeeee dont harrass me over this im literally just doing my thang over here in the czech republic #also ive literally had that one shitty take screenshotted since like november of last year LOL it made me soooooooo mad

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lunaticus · 1 month

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Thank you for what you said on that post about Usopp and Zoro’s post-water 7 relationship; I hate when Usopp’s actions in water 7 are treated like he was just being a brat. While I agree an apology was necessary, personally I think the way Zoro went about obtaining it would cause more problems in the long run if the narrative didn’t back him up. Giving your friend the cold shoulder and demonstrating that you’re fully willing to leave him without even trying to talk things out? That whole sequence left a very bad taste in my mouth. Sorry for going off in your inbox but tldr I appreciate what you said

ok ok listen, i get what you mean, ive been there as well, i too thought in the past what zoro did was wrong and unfair, and i still partially think so, but what really cured this conflict for me was that zoro said all that, thinking he's so damn rational and mature about it all, saying if the first thing usopp says isn't an apology he won't accept him back, and then usopp comes and ofc the first thing he says isn't an apology bc it's usopp, usopp who's always a little slow, usopp who always needs that extra shove to be honest, and while we probably all agree that this is a highly emotional distressing situation for an insecure guy that could have been avoided, zoro too is under a lot of stress, torn between staying true to his words or staying true to himself and the crew, the whole crew including usopp, and he too decides to not hear what usopp says, just like luffy, bc no matter how much zoro values loyalty and discipline, he breaks his own vows here for others, for usopp, bc he ofc wants usopp back on the crew as well, he said so himself that having usopp back is the best possible outcome for them (and as i like to argue, it's the only outcome for them as a crew in a long run), and they are all so young, "playing pirates" including zoro, bc they're not pirates first no matter what any of them says, they are nakama and nakama don't leave one behind

also can you imagine the dwelling anger zoro had to face from the others? nami and chopper are obvious bc they both think that this whole thing is stupid from the beginning and they are already very emotional about this, it probably feels weird to zoro that sanji is agreeing with him which kinda makes zoro wrong by default (what's up with sanji is an entirely different story but that's for another day), robin doesn't have the full picture while franky has a very one-sided picture that nearly none of the others seem to be aware of, and luffy... well luffy tries to be a good captain since being a bad captain had led to this situation in the first place, so he tries to be nonchalant about this, and im pretty sure he is to some extent, truly believing that if usopp doesn't want to return to them, he can accept that, all while stressing over so much on the tje inside bc the way he breaks once usopp apologizes speaks for itself imo

i also kinda think zoro is actively trying to be the bad guy here, but that's also for another day lol

#if w7 was easy nobody would be misinterpreting it lol #w7 feels #im also still dwelling on sanji's agenda bc it feels kinda like a u turn to agree with zoro after everything he'd done for usopp this arc #and so far the only thing i can come up with is that he thought they had enough time #and spreading more conflict within the crew was really not needed right then #but if y'all have different thoughts pls share!!!#asks

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favvnsongs · 9 months

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@fischiee @khimkito

lmao im making a separate post rather than tacking it onto the orig bc I don't wanna flood notifications every time I have big feelings about this but. yeah???

literally everything about those two make me so unwell. I'm never not thinking about it. bc the whole. not just having to second hand (or.. third? alpha then epsilon Then wash).. okay so third, I guess. anyways. being essentially subject to the same sort of torture and psychological abuse that alpha was via epsilon? and that on top of the directors original distress over allison? epsilon trying to kill himself inside his head! what tf does that even. bc they really only sort of handwave talk about it. what in the fuck does it actually Mean for an ai implanted in your brain to try and kill itself. and having to keep all of it a secret. for months if not years. the not being able to tell anyone?

(there's a weird sort of somber acknowledgment and tender empathy when it comes to wash and alpha too. bc wash Knows. he knows all of it?? even if alpha doesnt? the distress and insistence and confusion and loss that comes with tex not being at valhalla? 'I know all about her, church' even if church doesnt! even if He doesn't remember, wash does? what a burden that must be. that wash was the last of the team to actually see and speak to and be with church before he and all of the other fragments were erased? what sort of! and there's no justice in it! he gets his ass thrown into prison and then he has to work with whatever tf is left of maine in the Maybe hopes of getting his slate wiped clean.)

the odd fucking bizarre. wash and lina and epsilon and tucker (and caboose but he's a whole other.. im not awake enough to be able to talk about my feelings when it comes to caboose lmao)

but wash was the last person to see alpha. and then epsilon comes back and has no idea who tf tucker is bc caboose just didn't feel the need to. like? in a weird ass roundabout way, wash killed alpha and epsilon got cozy and familial with lina and both wash and tucker are left sorta stranded lmfao.

(and the behind the scenes lina&epsilon dynamic too. we really don't get to see the process of them becoming actually super fond and siblingy with one another but they are?? they went on a quest so lina could kill the director but nope leonard is just a lost defeated broken hearted wreck and that's her Father, at that point. pathetic and hopeless and so so tired. the grief and resignation and acceptance in leaving him to kill himself. epsilon and his bewildered righteous rage. they had that one chat about allison at the end of s10 but obviously there must have been more bc epsilon mentions allison a few times throughout chorus! do they talk about their feelings? does carolina ever get to properly acknowledge and process all her grief?)

like carolina is So Close to epsilon and that has to be so.. disconcerting at times for wash. bc he tried to kill himself while fucking! implanted into his brain! (and ive always figured that there's things wash must Know about carolina and all of her family drama. just as product of epsilon being alpha being leonard. yknow? but it'd also stand to assume that epsilon (and lina, maybe)) Know Things about wash. what sort of secrets do they keep for the sake of maintaining that illusion of privacy and boundaries.

I have stuff to say about tucker too but that might need to wait until after I have a sleep bc asdfghjkl.

#LIKE I CANT NOT BE EMO ABOUT IT #literally all i want from the final season is some acknowledgment or whatever. because they are all so painfully and irreversibly entangled #with one another and the sheer crushing codependence it Ruins Me #rvb nonsense

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system-comforts · 8 months

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hi im questioning plurality and scared to ask systems i know irl about experiences and help so im asking for help here (im sorry if ive already sent an ask to this blog bc i /gen dont remember if i did)

okay i think im going to split this up into two sections, one for reasons I think I may be and symptoms, another for reasons why i think I may not.

Reasons I think I may be plural:

I frequently experience bouts of dissociating or just feel generally fuzzy and after i can feel a range of symptoms including: Feeling a new energy with me, confusion on where i am, confusion on who i am, feeling an off feeling, thinking something is wrong with my body or room and more.

I frequently feel multiple energys w/ me w/ different emotions, ages, and general vibes.

I constantly switch between feeling very strongly w/ one belif or gender to the point where it feels like i have always felt like this then not long after sometimes feeling the complete opposite.

I very often feel not incontrol and almost like someone else is in control of the body.

I occasionally say things aloud that i dont think I actually said and it feels like someone else did.

I occasionally think things that i dont think I actually thought and it was like someone else did.

I have occasional laspses in memory.

Reasons I think I'm not plural:

I have 3 irl plural friends so statistically its very unlikely that I am plural too.

I retain almost all memory from when I feel like I am different people.

I feel like I am always there no matter what.

The different energies I feel tend to be very similar to my own and I cant really distinguish between them for the most part.

I feel like I may just be experiencing symptoms of something else and confusing them for plurality.

I feel like I am forcing myself to experience symptoms of plurality.

I don't think the truama i have could have been bad enough for me to be plural (im sorry if there are plural ppl who dont have truama i js dont know much on that topic specifically)

Other things to note:

I have ADHD and Autism (un-medicated)

I have BPD or Bipolar disorder (me and my therapist are still discussing which we think it may be)

I hope someone sees this and could please help me figure out if maybe another disorder is making me experience these things or if those symptoms listed are genuinely symptoms of plurality because I cannot figure out if what I am experiencing is normal or not

also im vvvv sorry if this is a blog that connot help w/ this kind of thing /gen

Hello there. I can tell by the way your organized this ask you've thought a lot about this question! I'll try to answer most of your points and hope my input helps as you continue to evaluate this question.

Your first few points regarding amnesia for where you are, identity confusion regarding your gender, and depersonalization with your body, based on what you've said here, points towards fairly high dissociation. At the very least, looking into dissociative disorders in general might be a good idea for you (and your therapist) to explore. This is especially true if these symptoms cause a lot of distress and hardship in your life.

You also talk about not feeling in control of your body, your actions, and your thoughts. The way you describe these feelings is similar to how we and many other systems might describe it. However, it can also be good to also ask if the "someone else" who did and said these things was you in a heightened emotion or at a different time, or if it was a distinctly different person. Even singlets have a variety of emotions based on different situations. Consider how consistent these actions are, is there a pattern? Does x person mostly tend to react y way to z situation? We've found it helpful to establish patterns when trying to figure out if there's a headmate involved.

Regarding your reasons you may not be plural, there's a few things I want to note. Regarding your plural friends, I wouldn't say it's "statistically unlikely" that you're plural. To truly consider the statistics, you would want to look at total populations, like of a region or country, not just in a friend group. For example, some friend groups will have no one plural, but that doesn't mean plural people don't exist. Friends come together for a variety of reasons, largely for similarities in life experiences and identities. It's possible you've found friends similar to you in some regards, and this might include plurality.

Your next three points about retaining most of your memories, feeling always present, and how these "energies" feel similar to your own also do not entirely rule out plurality. These descriptions could be from a median system, which, on the sliding spectrum of plurality, is a sort of is not quite singlet but not quite as distinct as plural systems and their headmates. It might be helpful to look into median systems as well as possibly fragments as you continue to question if you're plural.

On your final point, I do want to point out that not every system experienced trauma. Some experienced trauma but it didn't cause their plurality, and some, even if they experienced trauma, may not feel it was "enough" to cause plurality. What you say about your trauma is what many other plural people say. Try to put that question aside as you question your plurality, or at least don't dig in too deeply.

Now for your notes. The high number of plural autistics has been frequently discussed in the plural community. Not every autistic is plural of course, nor is every plural, but it makes sense that those with different brains and neuro types would also show and develop other differences like plurality. Regarding your BPD or bipolar disorder, there are also systems with these disorders. So it's not really about being plural or having one of these- both can occur. What's important to consider is how the symptoms align with each disorder. Can your amnesia, dissociation, and these different "energies" be explained by BPD or bipolar disorder? Or is there something else going on in addition to that? I think that question might be helpful as your continue those discussions with your therapist.

I hope this has been helpful to you, and we wish you the best as you continue asking if you're plural!

-mod neptune

#mod neptune #ask #am I plural #questioning #plural #bpd #tw invalidation

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gavinstrick · 23 days

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dpdr is the weirdest thing you will ever experience in ya life man like you are having an out of body experience whilst also the physical world is so contorted like ive been saying like im seeing time in vignettes and somebody with dpdr said that exact thing idk !!!! and none of my loved ones understand or say i don’t make sense when i speak and i know im speaking odd but also my brain is like … systematic and mechanical ?? Like machinery that I operate from outside myself . nothing processes bc I am physically numb which makes me even more robotic . and apparently the only thing u can really do to cope with it is just accept that u are in that state (because u are incredibly aware that it’s not normal and feel like u are going crazy and if the dehumanization or distress becomes overbearing ur brain starts sparking like electricity misfires.

Strange strange strange i can’t see the past I can’t anticipate the future i see “myself” in the mirror and i look so haunted like possessed.

It’s like im possessing myself

Clearly ive been off my meds for too long i feel like my ptsd got sp bad my brain completely disconnected from my mind and body as a coping mechanism and now im in this weird lucid dream state

#I don’t know the thing that’s weird about it is how insanely you are aware of everything ive never been more aware but like #I take in every detail but then it starts to contort in the processing and then I cannot express whatever it is I need to express #I rarely eat and only am able to sleep every other night if not up for more than 2 days #like god #what is wrongfff with me

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mondothebombo · 1 year

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mondo i have a question for you. i know that your skybound fic follows a principle of plus (add details and depth etc) and (relatively) never subtract (dont redact or change details from canon and avoid divergence). but. is there anything from skybound as a season that you would Like to change? beyond making jays torture worse. i think that one goes without saying. is there anything in the plot that you wish hadnt happened or happened differently. ive been curious about this for a while admittedly

WHOOO BOY IS THERE!!!

this is such a great ask and i’m so happy to talk abt it so hold on cuz this might be long.

you’re right, the whole goal of my fic is to add to the canon story, rather than fix or take out parts. the only parts i actually nixed were unnecessary to the plot and just put in bc 1) it’s a kids show and 2) just for (imo) poorly timed comedic relief. like the whole recruiting of the ninja replacements montage. i absolutely hate that part lmao bc it’s so somber when jay leaves his parents and then boom. funny montage. so i didn’t write that in lmao.

it’s no secret skybound is pretty objectively bad, like even those who love the szn (including myself) can see it has some pretty big flaws. in terms of what i would change?? the fucking time reversal. i legitimately hate that jay and nya went through all that, just for the others to forget, it’s awful. it just feels like the writers dug themselves so deep into a hole, the only way out was to turn back time. no hate to the trope, i just think it’s lazy writing for a big piece of media like ninjago. i don’t think it’s fair for jay to have gone through all that character development and have no one but nya know.

i also don’t like the forced marriage thg tbh. it’s weird and creepy and leaves a bad taste in my mouth, especially since this is a kids show. i’ve seen several interpretations of ppl rewriting skybound where nadakhan is after nya bc she destroyed the cursed realm, which is a take i personally love. idk it’s just w nya’s whole thg about wanting to have her own agency and be able to make decisions for herself, it doesn’t rlly make sense to me that she still ends up being the “damsel in distress.” but ig if i squint i can work w it as her letting herself be saved?

there’s a couple other minor things like dareth being a misogynist, jay taking a chill pill, but that stems from the love triangle which is a WHOLE other issue, ronin arresting them, more detail abt what happened to jay on the ship, jay getting proper medical attention, and echo zane getting a resolution, or at least not forgetting abt him.

skybound is by no means perfect, but i still love it, despite the flaws. i actually have plans to write an alternate ending either where time doesn’t reset or it does but everyone remembers instead of just jay and nya. it’ll be set in the “when you think you’re all alone” universe of sorts so everything i put in the story is addressed, but i actually wanna finish this fic first before i start another. thank you so much for the question though!!! i’ve actually been thinking a lot abt it

#ninjago #mondo’s fic #fic related asks #my fic

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blacktinnedpeaches · 4 months

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less christmassy mental illness posting (not incredibly doomy or anything just also not huge festive)

think the OCD might have snuck in teh back door again in a way i didnt immediately recognise :) this seems to be a pattern every winter now + every year im like taken aback by the form it takes? like a few years ago it was "you are a lesbian x", at some point it was ruminating obsessively over my past bad actions, at some point it was obsessing over my relationship with ben and whether or not it was "perfect", and im not actually sure what it is this time?? i just feel similar as i usually do in an OCD flare but without the actual thoughts that i can make sense of?? if that makes sense??

this is going to sound slightly ridiculous (very ridiculous) to anyone who doesnt understand how random triggers can be but i think it might have been watching fellow travelers?? scream... i didnt even like it... i think the whole love story across the ages thing possibly set off my "perfect relationship" obsessive thoughts a bit without me really noticing (a few years ago i couldnt watch any lesbian content bc it panicked me so much bc i just could not stop the intrusive thoughts that i am a lesbian lmfao) as well as the fact it involves a man in a straight marriage when he's really gay + maybe this hit a few of my ocd buttons too, thinking about it for the first time as i literally type this post lol (yes im sure this is ocd btw, i feel like i should always make the clarification that this isnt legitimate lesbian questioning or anything, i know ive posted the same thing a few times over the years + i think everyone believes me lol but im just v aware its such an annoyingly plausible thing that happens all the time which im p sure is why my brain has gifted me with it. not to put too fine a point on it but i love dick / will happily put dick in my mouth and/or jerk it off / have watched gay porn bc men are sexy to me / never actually fantasise about women (or anyone, but that's a different thing lol) / my first crush was on a boy my age and i absolutely loved him lol / i love sex with ben + will initiate it a lot and definitely dont see it as a chore or something to get through. you know blah blah etc. its just one of those things) im also thinking it might have something to do with fellow travelers bc youtube kept recommending me fellow travelers shorts and every time i saw the show on my recs page i got distressed. i did notice this at the time but i was so baffled i wasnt really sure what to make of it so i just tried to ignore it bc what the actual fuck

tbf i was already not doing brilliantly before fellow travelers but maybe i should be a bit more careful about the themes of shit i watch in the winter when im always more vulnerable to insanity creeping in lol!! nothing about true love or gayness!!!!! or hiding said gayness!!!!!

god what a post!! im actually ok tonight like im not crying at my desk or anything. (i was a few nights back mind you) i was just musing. christmas

#take a day off mate it's christmas #me @ my brain

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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wait im so sorry. last rant of today im going to throw my phone in a ditch before i write another one

i find it rly funny how so much of the internet has taken up openly being like, yea wait actually older women actually -. glad were on the same page

but. i uhHh feel like so much of it is just. such a pornophied or overly sexualized or objectifying, fetishistic, not as in having a fetish as in reducing a person to a fetish, version of this. quite similar to something else ive brought up before which is the way people treat dominant women. "sTeP oN Me" sorta things and, again, just reducing them to their role as femdom while having no care for the fact that they're a full ass human being with complexities and needs and limits

same with this. like,, you know, despite the apparently collective mommy issues of the internet, older women are just people. they're just, human beings, they're just women. and its weird and off to almost always reduce them to this role of "milf" which is porn terminology, to prepetually refer to them by sexualized porn terminology even when not speaking of sexual things, to reduce them to just, essentially, sex and your issues and a series of stereotypes essentially and what you can get out of them??

like lmao for all this idk how many of yall Actually outside of. like. sex or theoreticals or whatever, would even want to be with older women? like - as real human beings? to live w all the things that entail - the list of issues and problems that older women actually have, that theyre in a different place in life than you financially and job wise and w the issues they have w their family and experience wise and mentally and physically, and unless youre disabled and you already get it, theyre probably a whole lot more tired and fed up with things than u are. like yea age gap relationship can work, you can make a ten or more year age gap work its been done, power dynamics and imbalances can be negotiated and equalized but that only works with maturity, not theirs but mandatorly Your maturity as well lmao and its far from the list of things that is easy to make actually work out well. like ?? sorry you want a older woman to take care of you - which isnt exactly little to ask weather its financially or emotioanlly or etc etc - yup i get it. bad case of trauma brainrot etc etc all that. have you considered what You're going to do to balance that out? how much effort it actually takes? that actually if youre asking someone to take care of you, you better be stepping up and doing the same in return? what you can bring to the table ¿?

like dude idk. older women already have so much bullshit to deal with, and so many already are distressed bc of fuckin beauty culture and societies obsession with youth and how if you haven't found someone by like 28 and achieved idk what you're doomed and worthless apparently and your life is over and thats it, and so many end up having a midlife crisis at like 30. and if all this was leading to idk a shift away from societies obsession w youth and all that or lmao get this an actual care and discourse for the sorts of issues ageing actually brings women which were all gonna end up dealing w too, itd be one thing. except, in actuality its not, its just that they're being sexualized and objectified now and this whole thing doesn't involve any more respect or care than it did before

#feminism

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bi-demon-ium · 1 year

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S2 EP7 LIVEBLOG

TERRIFIED TERRIFIED

both at the summary and the little accidental spoilers ive gotten and just in general

ohhhh mr benedict is so obviously extremely nervous im sad

oh is she whammied

but is she whammied

big day tomorrow! lgfkjfgh

oh I think she got whammied

hes gonna be all “im sorry I couldn’t” and then shes like “okay!” bc whammied lmao

LKFGJFGHFH OH NO

SHE IS WHAMMIED THEN

oh this is terrifying

OHHHH HIS REACTION

“ARE YOU… HAPPY?”

HE LOOKS UPSET ABOUT IT

AND SHE LAUGHS OHHHH

oh kate you and your code w—DFLGKKJDFGKJFGH MILLIGAN GOT IT I LOVE THEM

“agreed”

I love them so much

“thank you for not fighting me on this” is she really though. or is it a trick

RUN SILENT, RUN DEEP. ALWAYS. OHHH

LOSING MY MIND

she set a timer lkdfjg yeah she’s definitely tricking them

oh reynie. naïve sweet summer child

but of course immediately willing to go along with things

LJDFGLKDGJKDJGKGJFGH

STRAITJACKETS

“REALLY”

AND CONSTANCE’S HUGE BEAM

“take them off. now.”

this is so funny what the fuck

jeffers cant even get out of it lfkghjfkghj

lkdfgjfg JEFFERS HELP

“just pull it” “…oh” and adjusting his sweatER

SDGKLJDGF CONSTANCE DFDFGDG JUST WRENCHING IT OFF AND JEFFERS JUST STARING DOWN FOR A SECOND

you’re EVIL

“oh! sticky! friend!”

hair loss lkjfglkjfghhg

ohhh youre gonna try and whammy sticky

I bet sticky isn’t affected bc he was whammied last time

more experience resisting

THEME SONG! AAAAAA

im so anxious I feel like im gonna throw up dljgfkjghhh

LDKGJFLKGJH THE HIGH KICK

ldkgj but when I think about it I want to resist OHHHH

“what if everything is just fine” “oh that sounds lovely”

SINGING????? GIRL

WHAT IS HAPPENING

AND HIS ANXIOUS REACTION LIKE HES SMILING BUT ALOS LIKE ????????

singing with her ohlkfgjhkfgjh this hurts me a bit

its adorable but also cringe

WOLVES??? OUCH LMAO DLKFJGDG

“RHONDA, IT’S A SAIL!”

HUGGGG DKGLJFLKGHJFGLH

DFKLGJDGJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THERE WAS EVEN ONE WITH MILLIGAN!!!!!!!!!!

from a distance but still

the fabled rags of a hostage lkdjfglkdfjg

I KNOW????

SHE REQUESTED YELLOW

OF COURSE SHE DID

oh fuck auguste

is he gonna whammy all of them?????

a horse camel? did she just say horse camel?

“does it bother you to lie to him?” coming from reynie…. ohhh…

“just because you had to do something doesn’t mean you cant feel bad about it” “maybe I do feel bad”

LDKFJG I LOVE HOW EVERYONE KEEP ROASTING CURTAIN’S FASHION

RIGHTFULLY SO

sticky<3 nerd

I wonder if she does enjoy the scientific facts in one way or another she would just normally never admit it

LDKFGJKDFJG CONSTANCE

LSKFGJRFG [HUGS] “…….whats wrong with her” “curtain did it”

her wide eyed look of distress

terrifying , constance

“it’s highly unsettling” “it’s been great” oh sticky rip

HE STARTED DOING LONG DIVISION DLFKGJDLKFGJD

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WHAT A NERD

also love how each of the mjust walked in and immediately found who they were looking for

its gonna be like “im not putting those on” [cut to those on]

ohhh

jackson and jillson’s abruptly stopped clapping ldgkjfghjfghfg

oh milligan’s smile is terrifying

and rhonda’s hair!!! oh I love her

I love that squinting face reynie makes when of the other says something wild

uh oh someone’s neck hurting! that’s bad

oh darlings. they’re not undercover.

LKDJFGLKJDFGKJDGF

IM SORRY THE CUT TO THE FROZEN GUY LFKGHJFGH

also curtain’s reaction + jackson and jillson being insane dlfkgjgfd

ohhh mr benedict is noticing something’s wrong

ohh just missed the kids

NICKY

OHHHHHHHH

is he okay?

are you sure?

“they seem… very happy to be with you”

ohh of course it would be concern for someone that would break through to him. of course it would be. god

another hug<33

terrifying! I mean expected but terrifying

milligan’s is somehow the scariest though the smile is so terrifyingly wide

it looks so scary and uncharacteristic I hate this

angsty horrific hug !

and rhonda my darling you look so good

god I mean we been knew this would be terrifying but it really is terrifying

“formed by suffering”????? OHHH

also telling constance she’s better as she is whammied.. I think they’re just trying to keep going without arguing but still. ouch

SHE WAS THE BRAINS LMAO

SHE STOLE THE JOURNAL DIDN’T SHE

YEAH SHE DID LMAO

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

ohhh mr benedict seeing all of this spying on them fglkhjfgh

also jackson and jillson continue to be.

wonderful

STOP YELLING AT THEM

LDKJGKLDFJG MARLON

“sleepers”

curtain’s visible “oh fuck” face ldkfgjkflghjgfh

DON’T BRING ME A PROBLEM WITH NO SOLUTION? SIR?

IM ATTACKING YOU

MR BENEDICT AND CONSTANCE REUNION!!!

hug <33

also garrison versus curtain journals ldkfjgg

IVE SUCCESSFULLY STOLEN SEVERAL ITEMS RECENTLY

cool little building montage!

THE THING MILLIGAN GAVE HER

ITS GONNA BE THE MULTI TOOL

SMALL MOVABLE BUILT TO LAST

YEAH

FUCK

FUCK YEAH!

“positive thinking” ironically

LKDFJG and then her follow up

MR BENEDICTS BACK IN THE CROWD???

lkdfjg and the dancing…. oh dear

and i know i should feel something ubt i couldn’t but that terrified me but i was relieved to feel the terror ohhhh

contemporary jazz and welsh folk style

“utterly THOUGHTFUL! ……what is it”

“iiii. don’t see anything :)”

ohhh his face… oh god

“you deliberately misled at the gates”

he didn’t even say anything about being brainwashed

MISS PERUMAL HELPING LFKHJFGH

all of their reactions the second they’re unwhammied….god

“IM VIBING”

“and I do. with my life”

JACKSON AND JILLSON DLKFGJDFGFGHFGH

“perspective ON the perspective!”

oh no bc mr benedicts been under the longest

oh god they’re not gonna unwhammy him are they

LKDJFRGLKDJGDLKGJDGLHKJFGH

THEY JUST FUCKING TACKLED HIM

JILLSON DISLOCATED HER GODDAMN SHOULDER???

oh no but it broke

I have a feeling it didn’t work

OH NO

and not constance either

oh auguste’s weird awkward little wave

“she gets a vote now???” “..she does :/”

CHOP OFF ITS HEAD

“…us” :)

ohhh

lkdfjgkjg hes practicing in the mirror

oh is he trying to hypnotize himself? or s he practicing

LKJDFLGKJDLFKG

TRANQUILIZER DART

“what? [sees dart] oh. I see.” [CRASH]

also FLOWER DELIVERY

love that I was right about them kidnapping curtain<3

I have a bad feeling that this isn’t going to go as planned

although love that they just have curtain in a little bundle. amazing

I love that they immediately jump to the right conclusion

aww they’re all asleep in a big pile

OH NOOOO HIS NECK

OH NOOOOO I MEAN I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT FUCK

DISTRESS DISTRESS DISTRESS

#mbs spoilers #mbs liveblog #mbs #tmbs #the mysterious benedict society #mbs disney

10 notes · View notes

icharchivist · 10 months

Note

gosh, mentioning your friend who got bowled over by act 2 autumn must’ve been foreshadowing, because I, who foolishly was like, oh I don’t think I’ll relate to azami that much he’s very different from me but it’ll be fun to see autumn, cried twice while going thru the back half of this story. jeez. I’ll may have to be a bit less chronological than usual for the sake of keeping all of that stuff later.

zombie run night was rly great! more like zombie fun night amirite. I’m sorry I make bad jokes. banri getting azami to be a zombie as well was so nice like. again he’s being a good leader.

tenma being scared of zombies makes sense obviously. I’m with him. not zombies but when I was staying with a relative a while back I found a lizard the length of my hand in the bathroom and then refused to use that bathroom for the rest of my stay.

I really liked the eyeball necklace detail—it made the event feel real and also considerate? the moment yuki just went … at tenma I Knew he had planted the necklace on him tho. he’s so funny for that. seeing that and being like yeah tenma you’re so right. you don’t need to participate. cant believe mankai didn’t recognize banri when he caught them. azami must have some stellar makeup skills

azami going after sakyo and haunting him abt his budget lifestyle was sooo funny. like I was bracing for something slightly charged to happen but it was just funny. and he had a good time!! I’m glad. I liked that banri was like. still encouraging to azami even tho his acting motives aren’t the purest lol. I mean to be fair he has no room to talk there but it’s also just nice to like. meet him where he’s at. like we see azami doesn’t really get The Feeling until closing night but. things take time.

azami and omis whole thing was. so good. like the way he won’t even like accept a bandaid is so. azami… I loved the way they resolved it? first seeing omi juza and tsuzuru talking in uni was cool. but then kumon approaching azami was like. so nice. again the way that they like talk and kumon’s like I miss summer! and u can Hear the smile in azamis voice when he’s like come on summer literally just ended!

but him being awkward around omi bc he’s not sure what a mother should be like… gosh. like the way he describes the whole thing as like. strange and confusing I’m going to vote the wall like. like yeah actually that’s exactly how it feels when someone is kind to you in a way you haven’t yet experienced it makes you want to throw it off immediately bc it’s like whoa whoa hold on. I’m not allowed this kind of thing. anyways just. no wonder he likes kumon so much that guy is like, effusive in his praise and azami probably likes having ppl around who are Nice like that. loved omis portrait. it was so good. and it like. absolutely sucks that he had to grow up that quick. very nice to see nachi again, though. but when kid-omi was like: one day in the future. I’ll take a break for myself :) omi. omi I’m shaking you. have you ever really done that. well ig now that he’s living in mankai he’s letting his family take care of housework and stuff? but like, still.

minor note but when they’re doing a street act it was rly cool to see juza just like seamlessly and confidently advertise the play. he’s come so far…

*cracks knuckles* alright all of that was warmup now it’s time for the BIG STUFF. azami almost got hit by a car!!!! the cg there was like. So Good. like the way sakyo is absolutely Frazzled… yeah. like god I keep thinking abt that cg. its sooo. wow!! i dont think ive seen sakyo look so distressed!!! hes not wearing glasses bc he was so shocked that he ended up breaking his glasses in the rush to get there!! its like. azami look... u have a dad that wishes for your every happiness... and azami is just Sitting There mostly unharmed and looking a little confused like huh… why’s sakyo looking so out of sorts… it’s wonderful. and the way sakyo is like even if it was just a scrape I need to find who did this and hurt them. like godddd and the way he’s like “so I don’t even have the right to worry about you anymore?” I am. Going to cry.

what rly got me tho was like the whole jin-gi-oh cards though bc like first off sakyo remembered ALL of them but also!! also just the way u can hear azami kind of mumble stutter like we-well I bet he doesn’t even remember the card stuff (why would he really care about me…) and then sakyo clearly Does. and it’s just like.

it’s so clear that while sakyo is convinced that he barely has the right to talk to azami bc he betrayed him by chasing after his dream… a lot of what azami is worried about is that sakyo doesn’t care about him anymore. like imagine you’re fourteen and you’ve just learned that the guy you secretly think of as your dad, who’s like the only one that’s supported your dreams, is leaving you to pursue his own. without you. and you get into a huge fight with him about it and storm off. and then a week passes and you don’t hear from him. months pass and you don’t hear from him. whenever he’s around doing ginsenkai stuff you just… don’t really talk to him. and you’re fourteen maybe fifteen so you’re too embarrassed to reach out first. besides if he left that easily maybe this whole thing was just a job to him, huh? maybe he never liked you as much as you liked him. whatever. whatever. it’s fine. like the “I bet he’s having so much fun now” line azami says… it’s so clear he believes like. oh sakyo was slumming it with me and left for greener pastures.

and of course sakyo is sitting there like oh I’ve committed the biggest betrayal ever by not supporting his dreams well enough. he probably hates me and doesn’t want to ever see my face again. and like that’s not helping.

and then you run away from your bio dad because you can’t let go of your own dreams and when you don’t have anywhere to go it turns out that you can actually run to the place sakyo went to. and strangest of all sakyo is letting you stay. like the way he just. the pause he has when sakyo says he’s basically his guardian. the feeling of. sakyo is… admitting that? does he… does he WANT to be my dad (I thought he didn’t want to—)

and now you’re here in a hospital and just saw sakyo was super worried about you and also like. maybe treasures you in the way that you thought he did. sakyo says his story of running away is about a pathetic kid but it’s also like. for azami he just learned that the card thing he did with sakyo and liked so much that he still keeps them carefully is actually a parent-child thing sakyo did with his own mom!!! it’s like. oh my god.

azami talking abt his own experience with buying cards and then his dad trashing them, though… I. hm. I am going to leave the section abt azami’s bio dad alone bc I’m tempted to get mean about it and I kind of want to leave that for later.

so, skipping forward to the actual play… it was so cool to see summer come in for support! and I always love seeing how the chapters extend what we see in the actual play. also the voice acting that’s good too. the one thing I noticed was like. “you remember the boy with brown hair you killed three years ago?” who’s going to tell them that taichis hair is as red as ever. so roy’s hair was never brown. it got kinda brown when he became undead? but before I don’t think it was.

cannot believe those asshole delinquents were the ones who almost hit azami. the title “buff high schooler” is just rly funny to me tho. sakoda chasing after azami and then calling everyone was so good of him. smart choice my guy. love how everyone in autumn (minus taichi who seems a little nervous) is like. it’s fighting time. very cool to see all of natsugumi volunteer to be opening act. was confused by the “I always repay my debts” line but I think it’s for banri acting as stand in for kumon? which is nice bc it’s like. tenma is the one saying this so it rly just gives the idea that like. natsugumi is a team yknow. and later when they do the acting it meshes so well with the actual play? bc like they had a specific point where they were like oh let’s adlib and do some comedy that’s undead related to make sure the play isn’t a bummer. and then here’s natsugumi just doing like those sorts of jokes.

anyways back to azamis kidnapping.

muku: won’t it be bad if they see ur faces?

me: …ah. I have. the faintest idea of where this is going [judo bear nozaki flashes to my head]

THE CG WAS. THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF A CG EVER ITS SO GOOD. I LOST MY SHIT. THE HOLLOW EYES R KINDA TERRIFYING IN A REALLY FUNNY WAY. TAICHI THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA. the guitar / bass guitar (? idk instruments) that rolls in during this scene is amazingggg. it’s just the like instrumental break part of respawn which is. I went and listened to that after finishing boyhood collage and the song is like, sooooo good. much love to it. the rly fast vocal parts made me think of the fast parts of worlds end dancehall. which is like also apocalyptic setting so that was cool. also I love worlds end dancehall.

they were so funny during this tho. sakyo going “roooar. give us back our friend, you punkass kids.” and juza forgetting what bears sound like so he just literally goes “beaaarrrr” what are you a Pokémon?

and sakoda running towards azami!!! <3 I grew soooo much affection for sakoda in this story tbh like he takes care of azami so well!

thought it was very interesting that like. when they return, everyone in natsugumi is audibly exhausted minus tenma (he’s probably got great acting stamina) and misumi (I don’t think he says any lines here? but he’s probably just got excellent physical stamina. and he and tenma did start out with the like best acting chops of the troupe) which is a cool detail.

and then azami just carefully opening up that he was terrified. not of being hit but of disappointing them and the play. and then when he says to sakyo… “I’m only saying this once, but when I was a kid, I always thought of you as my dad. And… I still do.” IM GOING TO CRY. idk. like the way that azami just Says That and let’s it hang there and then they do the play.

izumi: wow the fight scenes r intense today! (please don’t tell me it’s bc they were just actually fighting…)

damn izumi what do u want me to tell you then. huh. they stomped in their with their animal heads and azami pirouetted back to mankai? no violence involved?

and sakoda crying at the play!! again I can hear the smile in azamis voice when sakodas like bawling in front of him. when azami was like. shift couldn’t make it…? I paused and was like. azami implied shift had an interest in theater at the end of act 2 summer… could it be… and then when azami was like “the god troupe, huh…” I was like ahhhh fuck. we shall see what goes on there later ig.

also they bring up vkei again when talking abt what they want to do next and izumi shut it down… what do u have against it! honestly eyes emoji at masumi saying he likes it, tho... mazumi expressing an opinion that doesnt align with izumi's personal tastes??? maybe I’m missing something.

but the ENDING!!!!!

citron: "I have reached my limit..." AND THEN GUYS THERE HES LITERALLY THERE!!!!! I’m assuming the <> for their dialogue means they’re speaking in their native tongue anyways im going to obsess over <Citronia.> <I've come to get you.> / <I've been wondering when you'd get here.> I knew guy was coming to get citron so I’m glad to see that’s confirmed… already gave my theories on the specifics so I’m interested to see if I’m anywhere close to the mark there.

okay and Now I can talk abt azamis bio dad. i. uh. I hate him. actually he really grinds my gears in a way I didn’t think was going to happen. so I’m worried that I’m being like somewhat unfair to him bc I’m projecting my own biases onto him. so I’m sorry if u have like good opinions of him. it’s rly so funny tho I knew azami did like makeup and stuff and I was like “oh I have. No Interest in makeup or skincare so I probably won’t relate to it too hard” and then This happened and it’s like I got hit with a bowling ball.

like goddd. the way azami is like yeah I bought some cards with my allowance, and then my dad who’s not sakyo found out and threw them out. “I learned then to never let my dad get his hands on anything I’d bought with my own money” gah… not to overshare but like, I feel azami so much there. growing up I would like. never want to tell my parents I liked Anything bc I knew they’d be like oh you’re so silly and dumb and stupid for wanting any kind of merch or collectibles! it’s such a hassle!! why do u like this stupid thing!! so. ahah. I went to a concert for the first time this year and I remember my parents thinking it was weird but then one day my dad called me and he was like oh I was talking to a colleague abt the concert you’re going too and he says that band you like is like, super cool and popular. so it’s like ah. ig now that an Adult has approved it I’m a cool kid now. the same way my writing was worth shit and was totally useless until a family friend kept gushing about the way I’d helped their daughter. anyways what I’m saying it is azami I get it.

and his dad then trashed his makeup, too… like the way sakyos defense for the handmade cards were that they were like “yakuza” cards so he couldn’t complain like it’s a flimsy defense but the fact that he even had to like, make a Justification about these cards when it’s like. these handmade cards aren’t going to help azami fit in or make friends at all so like they’re not accomplishing what the store bought ones were for. but like you still need to defend against it.

but yeah the way it’s like. wow at a pretty young age azami was like oh okay. so if I like ANYTHING I can’t tell my dad about it or he might ruin it. do I feel that this is perhaps part of why he seems so cautionary abt romance yeah sure.

the first time I actually teared up during this whole thing was actually sakyo in the hospital telling azami not to give up. that he can do it even in defiance of his parents. and it’s so meaningful bc sakyos like his DAD. and he’s telling him he’ll support him… like idk. something so heartwarming abt a parental figure being like, hey, you need to prize yourself to the point that if needs must, you can even rebel against me.

the conversation sakyo and izumi have after that, too… “after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” this line makes me feel. So Complicated. like I won’t deny the fact that I think azamis dad cares for him on…. Some level…. but it’s like homares grandmother. im glad she loved him but it doesn’t erase the ways that she hurt him, yknow?

also sakyo. you live with misumi tenma and masumi. masumi you can maybe argue his dad caring abt him and same with tenma (but. I mean I’m not HAPPY abt arguing that bc they r rly under baseline care.) but anyways are u gonna do that with misumi’s dad. then again probably only summer troupe knows about the situation there… honestly sakyo probably knows nothing abt the tenma situation too. so he’d only know about masumi and masumis dad seemed like fairly reasonable and nice at the end.

sakoda was so cool here tho. first off having the nerve to even try to still lie about the tickets to protect azami. and then when azami got dragged to his bio dad the fact that sakoda just. started yelling at him? amazing. this made me cry again. like yeah sakodas been watching him… what azamis doing isn’t child’s play! he’s right! and sakoda knows all of this bc he’s been caring abt that kid for forever!! to the point that he’ll yell at the yakuza head like this bc he cares that much!!!

and azami is like. god. I rly love the way he was like. so openly resentful. “Since when have you ever been a father to me?! Dont pull that shit on me now!” ouch. so true though.

and the. the way that uh. “Wh-what are you bowing for? This asshole doesn’t deserve—“ you can HEAR the trembling in his voice. he’s holding back tears. sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways.

anyways I hadn’t thought abt this until now but it’s like huh… yeah no wonder azami made something up. he wouldn’t want to talk abt sakyo in front of sakyo bc that would be like admitting he still cared abt him. and he didn’t want to talk abt his parents in front of sakyo bc uh. it would be complicated ofc. like in his boyhood collage he was like oh I don’t even remember why I ran away, but shift was probably frustrated and stuff. but like clearly azamis mom had just recently died at that point. he probably just didn’t want to talk about that.

the reveal that the magic brush he uses on kumon was his mothers makeup brush, though… like the way it was her cheek blush to make herself look less sick. and he does the same thing for kumon years later. it just makes it… so much more affectionate. ”I wanted to use its magic to make someone happy like that again. I wanted to do for someone else what I could no longer do for my mom.” and YOU DID!!!

and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely.

and the way his reasoning is just like. he just thought azami was making up excuses to run away from the family. that uh. that’s not. true… ugh this part is what made me so frustrated. like azami, after his portrait, so very specifically asserts that’s he’s his son and because of that he’ll do anything for him and ginsenkai family. and it’s like. Yeah. I know what it’s like to be so aware of your position as someone’s child and know that even as you hate them you will also do anything for them even if they won’t recognize that. like… he never even asked. azami was so pissed about getting his makeup trashed that he literally ran away and didn’t come back. and you’re still assuming oh it was a little side hobby, if he REALLY cared about it he would’ve, what, psychic mind beamed the force of his feelings to you? if you had paid attention like sakyo or sakoda you would’ve clearly seen how long and how deeply he’s loved it for. even if it had been for a short time how would you know it wouldn’t grow into something else, anyways. like acting.

also his “study your ass off and aim for the top.” line about makeup and then when he gifts him the makeup set later… good on him for personally buying that stuff. but that line left such a sour taste for me bc it’s like. ugh… honestly it just hit a sore spot bc I remember my parents being like. hi child. you can do like, anything you want supposedly but if you want to do like Anything in the humanities field or arts field you’ll have to be the top 1% of it otherwise you’ll die alone. so like if you’re not good enough to do that just quit (I am implying you’re not good enough). and it’s just like. idk. the sort of implications that if azamis not like the best at makeup ever and also that if he hadn’t chosen to do it bc of his mother and it was just something he Liked, then that reason wouldn’t be enough…? that’s just the vibe I get.

also azamis bio dad being like sigh I’ll tell sayuri you’ve become a strong independent man instead of the family head. it just rly irks me like. even now it felt like hey old man. are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child. because that’s what it feels like.

anyways idk. I hope azami has more space later in life to be a bit more resentful bc I think he deserves it, yknow? I think the way the whole thing went down like, Made Sense bc why would that guy like admit he had hurt his son… that’s like. unrealistic. so I don’t think the story was written badly or anything. it just made me like. really sad. azami didn’t end up loudly crying (im not counting the wailing he has to do in the play for his dead dad.) and like that makes sense to me. actually I think it was very Cool Of Him to never lose his composure That Badly. uh and he’s going to do great considering he as a middle schooler is like rolling normally with college students. but I just want him to be like. feel safe even when he’s not excelling, yknow?

I fear I lost the plot or rambled a bit too hard there at the end, so sorry if it’s incoherent!! I rly like azami!! this was a very good story. im also ridiculously excited for winter.

HUH OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. a3 relatability strikes again?

let's go into it!

dFKJDFKLFDJ zombie fun night is perfect. Banri is really being a good leader and figuring out how to have Azami engage with what they're going to do it's just. god Banri is good.

HELPP. Tenma scaredycat, but also for the lizard thing, so valid, i would do the same. AND HELP for the necklace. This is so funny. and yeah Azami's makeup skills truly are shining there! DLKFJDKLFJD being so used to a3 dropping emotional bombs that this just ended up being funny makes it even softer. But yeah agreed on the way Banri coaches him and still encourages him even though it's obvious Azami doesn't feel the same way about theater yet. For Banri who went from uninterested to "this is my whole life actually", it must be jarring to look at this past mirror, but even more reasons to take it easy.

God the Omi and Azami scene was so good. (friend was staring into oblivion during this whole scene and then cursed me. I would love to be all awww but i couldn't stop laughing.)

But yeah it was so nice that like, so many of them worked together in trying to help out? like it really shows that they're really all a family and a community now, and they'll try to help with their newest members as well. AND AWW. yeah Summer is happiness itself. always missing them. even Azami cannot resist them.

BUT YEAH Azami's awkwardness aroound Omi is just. man. Exactly as you say, it's just, difficult to approach right. but yeah it does serve to justify why it goes smoothly with Kumon on the other hand. Omimi's portrait… just, absolutely heartbreaking again as always. I wonder if Omi did take a break when he was being a delinquant and therefore is doubling down on being of service because he still feels guilty for this time. or if him joining the theater troupe is his vision of taking a break since it means his family has to handle things on their own. Or maybe like Juza and Taichi he's just being too hard on himself.

JUZA SO GOOD. ALWAYS.

and here's the meat of it! yes that CGI was so good man. You really feel just how important Azami is to Sakyo in that image. Also if i recall correctly, Kumon panicked over the phone so they really all expected it to be bad while it was just, Kumon panicking, which somewhat makes it even funnier to me. Anyway. Sakyo good dad. that's all i'd say. god this scene is so emo. AND YESS SOBS THE CARDS STUFF. IT'S GENUINELY SO EMO. Azami not able to believe Sakyo would care this much while of course Sakyo does, come on and it's just. god this arc. God the whole way you describe Azami's thoughtprocess is bringing me to tears. I feel like this is exactly how he felt it yeah. Sakyo is worrying about how he "betrayed" Azami by leaving while Azami would have been just fine with it if it didn't feel like Sakyo was abandonning him and only thinking of him as a duty, and it's just. godd. and goddd the way you describe the rest i'm just. soso emo. They really have a neat relationship, a hurt neither of them were able to explain to the other and therefore they hurt one another like that, but they genuinely care so much and want to be part of each other's lives and and y'know what Azami maybe Sakyo is the only dad you need.

SUMMER SO COOL YEAH!! And yeah the play is pretty nice, though yeah. I guess with Azami at makeup they tried new hair things but Taichi's hair stayed too red for it all smh! but i guess in a huge theater it might not matter so much.

SAKODA IS SOOOO GOOD, UNSUNG MVP OF THIS EPISODE. yeah for Tenma's "i always repay my debts" it's about how Autumn helped Kumon out, so Summer is going to help Autumn and Azami out as well basically. And yeah Tenma definitely see them as a team, he's Natsugumi's leader and therefore he speaks for and takes debts for all of Natsugumi. What a lad. But Natsugumi did such a good job and i love how hard they helped on this one. truly MVPs.

Also yes i love how all of Autumn was ready to fight except Taichi who was nervous, but i love even more that it's Taichi who comes up with the plan on how to infiltrate the base. Really reminding us that he was with the "Bad Boys" because of spy related crimes by how he can come up with plans to infiltrate stuff, but also i love this so much. It's kinda where i started to have my headcanon of "Taichi is scaryingly smart when it comes to illegal stuff". Like the idea of Taichi messing up say, simple math, but coming up with an infiltration plan that would even have Chikage pause is one of my favorit headcanons ever, and it all started because of this.

BUT YES THE CG WAS SO GODDAMN PERFECT. IT'S ONE OF MY FAV CG EVER IT'S SO FUNNY. And with the song in the back, it was GLORIOUS. i'm glad you liked Respawn!!!! it's such a neat song! Also i need to share this stage video: https://www.tumblr.com/icharchivist/708632707674079232?source=share

BUT YEAH it was so funny and i lOVE that they were dedicated in like, actually playing their animals like. dguys you didn't HAVE to. you're just so funny. AND JUZA'S "BEAAAR", it's so good. I love them so much.

Sakoda MPV <33333 he really does take care of Azami so well it's really soft.

And yeah Summer's exhaustion is a nice detail. god it makes me wonder for how long they went on, a wonder the public didn't get weirded out by it.

AND SOBS YEAH AZAMI'S SPEECH. YEAH. And also the "maybe it's because i have two assholes dad that i turned into such an asshole" with a bright smile on his face. god he's so good.

And eheheh for Shift, but, yeah. yeah…. AND SAKODA REALLY GOOD. and please just let them having some vkei related play it's all good!! it's worth it!! maybe this time none of you would oppose Juza wearing a dress if the whole thing is about being scared he wouldn't look feminine enough smh!! AND LDKJFKLDFJD MASUMI'S RARE INDIVIDUALISTIC MOMENT.

AND THAT ENDING!!! yeah < > are for foreign languages in general, and in their case it's their native one. But finally. Guy teasing just to build up to it now!!!

Ok so, now, Azami's dad.

"my dad who's not Sakyo" i love that we're carrying it on on "Real Dad Sakyo" and "Not Sakyo Dad", it says everything.

And i'm all good with the oversharing as long as you're comfortable with it, and man. Yeah i feel you on that, my family is pretty much the same. I've also had my family like, throw out or destroy my stuff, important stuff, either without my knowledge or in front of me, so to say i felt Azami really hard would be an understatement. It's a whole level of violation that is just, really hard to swallow and forgive. Impossible even.

Honestly the whole writings over the problematic dads of Mankai, in the whole story, is so conflicting to me in general. I feel like. The issue is that most of the bad parents we meet don't have anything else going for them, the only thing we know about them per se is their function in society, and that they're bad with their kids. They're tools for their kids's backstory more than actual people. And i feel like Azami's dad actually sounds like a real person. A conflicting, messed up person with his own issues, and that ends up hurting Azami as a result. There's a difficulty to reconcile how the dad took good care of Sakyo as a kid for instance, to how he behaved with Azami, and it's really unnerving in general. And as such it puts Sakyo in a position of wanting to defend the man because he owes him so much, and it's difficult to blame him for that, but as a result Azami loses one of his major support.

Honestly my feelings about Azami's dad are complicated. I believe he's the one father of Mankai who can actually realistically work on his issues and improves his relationship with Azami. I believe he cares for Azami on some level more than just material (in opposition to how i'd consider Tenma's, who cared for his carreer more, and Masumi's, who only cared when he needed to fill his divorce's loneliness, and well, Misumi's don't care.). So i end up believing there is a possibility still for this relationship to improve in a realistic way that doesn't feel just like a deus ex machina like the others dads have been. but god, this particular brand of neglect and mistreatment truly also struck a core with me and therefore i can't totally go unbiased about it and ends up just, uncomfortable and unsure. It's so complicated.

Mostly i'd say my different approach is that, even if Tenma, Masumi or Misumi wants to work things out with their dad, i would be completely opposed to it. Purely "why the fuck, no, that's not worth it" at them. But if Azami wants to work it out it's like. "Fine. just stay safe, know you can remove yourself from it whenever you feel like it, and remember to be yourself, and bail out anytime something would go out of hands". yaknow?

But yeah i agree i feel like it really puts Azami in a position of hypervigilence. Everything had to always be a secret, calculated, you only show to your father what you're ready to defend, and it would make some stuff like romance or passions in general, stuff that leaves you emotionally vulnerable, as something that's just too much risk for very little reward. So you just closes in completely.

so Sakyo being there and actually showing him that he can just be himself and he doesn't have to worry more ahead of it is meaningful because yeah, like you say, it gives him a parental figure who is actually willing to let him experiment and be free without having to always be prepared to defend why you want to do something.

“after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” i actually really hate this line in a sense, i know Sakyo is mostly just, extrapolating to what he's seeing now, but i hate it on a personal level. I do think Azami's dad cares for Azami, but yeah exactly like you said, like Homare's grandma, his own issues means he hurt Azami in ways that are ways too deep for love to just be enough. Sometimes parents love you and hurt you more than a parent who would merely tolerate you. Because they love you so much they want to make sure you're well fitted to the world and ends up messing you up as a result.

But yeah god, i'm glad we're on the same page, you can't say "all dads care for their kids" when you're living with those kids, and Misumi's in particular. This makes me see so red. I get Sakyo has a personal bias here but giod. but yeah Sakyo probably only knows about Masumi's and yeah, Masumi's dad was reasonable at the end that he might work it out. but also like, didn't Sakyo's dad abandon hm and his mom?! that the whole reason his mom had a hard time in life was because of that? bc i don't remember if Sakyo's absent dad is due to abandon or death. Bc if it's abandon, i feel like Sakyo shouldn't be the one saying all dad cares yaknow? I still think that, the Wastonian reasons of it all, is because Sakyo owes so much to the Boss that he tries to rationalize things in his favor yaknow? But the Doylist reason, i think, is mostly that the one weakness of a3's writing is truly with how they manage to create realistic scenarios of abuses and the way it affects the kids, but then they want to solve it with the parents going "my bad", and the problem is that it's not how coping with abuse works yaknow.

SAKODA IS SOOO COOL HERE YEAH. Like man, the glow up Sakoda got in this arc with how much he would go to hell for this kid and fight the devil himself if he had to. god. unsung mvp.

Azami is totally entitled to throw that at his father's face, go Azami go.

" sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways. " OGHHH SO TRUE. THIS IS REALLY SO. SO GOOD.

and you're right about Azami's collage being the way it was. It makes sense Azami just didn't want to share this vulnerability, especially with Sakyo, at a point where he still believed Sakyo didn't care for him on top of that. It's really just. man.

SOBS AND YEAH FOR THE MAGIC BRUSH….

"and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely. " DJFHDL LEGIT. GOD.

But yeah i feel you on everything else you mention about Azami's dad it's just. Acting like Azami was at fault for not making it clear he was serious, while also making the environment too hostile for Azami to even come out and say that. He's responsible for how Azami couldn't trust him and then he blames Azami for not trusting him in a sense. It's really frustrating, and it feels like he's deflecting the blame, while also kinda taking the blame itself. I'm glad he's trying to fix things, and i do think he feels guilty, but it's still so sour.

and i'm so sorry your parents made you feel all those things :( but yeah i totally get what you mean on how it relates to Azami. It's just so unfair to put on him the pressure to be the best of the best.

In a sense i feel it fits a lot of the thematic of Autumn of like… The reasons they have Regrets to start with is because of the expectations people have put on them, whenever it is over their abilities (Banri) or their appearance (Juza) or their age (Sakyo) ect. And i feel like Azami is in this situation where he's about to regret it if he doesn't take his own life in between his hands. He has to break free from those expectations and fights for what he wants. but god. He shouldn't have to fight for it. ig you can't expect Yakuza to do things the easy way, but god he really shouldn't have to fight for it it makes me so sad.

"are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child" so true unfortunately hhhh.

But yeah i hope Azami gets more ways to process everything later on :/

I do think that, out of all the bad fathers' plotline, like i said, this is the most realistic one in a sense, and i do think it's well written in general. And i do think that when it comes to abused/neglected kids and their parents, there is also just… i know online the consensus is "children should just cut ties with their toxic parents" and i get how it's the easiest way to see it, to free yourself for good for the influence, but it comes with its own type of downsides that are rarely discussed and is also a lot of pressure to put on a kid. Obviously, if it's too toxic it SHOULD be the case, like i said, chara like Misumi in particular are better off moving past it, but i feel like, in Azami's situation, where despite all the hurt and all the pain, Azami still definitely see his father as a human whom he wants to work things out with… It's just really complicated. I have really messy feelings about all of this.

I do hope Azami would manage to be more resentful and end up being able to actually discuss with his dad and challenge him like, no, YOUR behavior was truly fucked up, it's not fair to ask of ME to communicate my feelings better when you never tried to listen, yaknow?

Anyway i do feel like this sort of… complicated messy conflicting feelings of resentment and yet wanting to work it out that is in Azami and his father's storyline, for how fucked up his father is, actually works very well and is very realistic, even if there would be wishes for Azami not to bother at all for it. I feel like it allows Azami the grace of having really mixed feelings about all of this without going to one extreme or the next about how to be with his father, and it's something i really personally connected with, as someone with a very difficult relationship with my family, who thought cutting ties was my best solution at some point, and now as an adult, have to deal with how while i could never ever forgive them, the other extreme isn't satisfying to me, on multiple levels. I don't like his father, but i want Azami to be able to work it out in the way he would consider satisfying, and i think that the story is written in a way that leaves this approach possible and addresses it as such, in a way i think the others bad dads of Mankai get too much of a free pass. but man. messy. And with the patern of bad dads getting off too easily this can come up as much more sour than the conflicting feelings it could have actually worked on if the others dads were treated accordingly imo.

Azami's storyarc genuinely did hit hard for me as well because of that. He's not a chara i particularly relate to outside of this specific plotline but this plotline hits not only very deep, but on mixed feelings that are hard for me to face in fiction, so it's always hard to look at.

On the light hearted side, my friend we talked about was cursing me the whole storyarc bc of how he related to Azami and then Azami's portrait happened and he genuinely just went "okay you know what fuck you" and was so emotionally damaged by the mirror that i could forget for a bit my own pain by letting him suffer a bit. Terrible friend moment.

Anyway!!! it's all good, i'm glad you did ramble, it was really nice to read and well, it's interesting things to think about, even if the conclusion isn't easily clear cut.

I'm really glad you liked Azami and his story!!!

And ehehe Winter soon <3333

And "Conquering Misoshiosa Island!" first!

Take care and always feel free to ramble <333

#ichareply #long post for ts #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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