#its the PTSD for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cemeterything · 29 days

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i can't even be mad that the "[x] is such a raw quote you'd think it was from shakespeare" meme was originally used to make fun of me for a cringe post i made a few years ago when everyone hated my guts and i was battling an episode because it's so funny

#🐉#do i have ptsd from years of harassment campaigns on top of irl bullying? yes. but i also have funny joke.#like genuinely. im really glad its not About Me anymore and its just something people can laugh at. i can laugh at it!

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neuroticboyfriend · 10 months

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do you have "treatment resistant depression" or are you just fundamentally living a life that would make anyone depressed?

are you just dealing with abuse, poverty, and oppression? are you just dealing with a lifetime of trauma? do we just live in a society where peoples basic needs are neglected, and the completely understanble response to that is pathologized? on purpose? so that it's just an individual problem and people arent Trying Enough... so nothing about the system has to change?

...do you have "treatment resistant depression," or do you just need real community, support, resources, and protection?

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heckitall · 9 months

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One | Two | Three

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you ever need someone outside your family

to make you have the hard conversations

whether you want it or not

cuz same

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also! warm water/ice/smelling something strong (like lemons!) can help ground people who are having a panic/flashback

i swear by the warm mug of water

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rise leonardo #flashbacks and veterans #tw low self esteem #tw panic attack #tw flashbacks #the stranger has been revealed!#its an axolotl!#also this is where i start talking about myself #fun fact: i have combat ptsd #okay not actually a fun fact #but we are a few weeks away from the event that started this all for me #i relate a lot to leo in the movie that made it hit a little too close to home #i was a newly made leader and given a small team of 7 #and sent into a situation that was lose/lose but we didnt know that #i didn't know that #i made a lot of really dumb decisions and #it was not okay #all 8 of us came home which is the lowest bar possible #im the only one that ended up any kind of injured so i take that as a win but also not great #anyway #not to bring some serious undertones to all of this #but this was SUPER theraputic for me #also why i will probably never write/draw a bad!future au #too real for me #even the scene of them shooting the technodrome was hard and its cartoon violence ugh #heck draws

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princeyam · 5 months

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guess who redownloaded pokemas

#pokemon #pokemon legends arceus #legends arceus #pokemon masters #pokemas #rei #rei pokemon #pokemon rei #volo #volo pokemon #pokemon volo #i went into a trance yesterday drawing this #when they announced adaman and irida a few months back i said #i will only redownload pokemas for volo #and then they went ahead and. confirmed him in the rei and akari event so OBVIOUSLY #im so validated that rei is the protag he has a h decidueye just like me #he cant stop thinking about volo just like me #though for him its more like ptsd SDHDJHDJDNDJD #a lot of times i see akari as the protag in fanart so having rei be canonically the protag is :)#did you guys see his area convo where he says he grew a habit of standing behind people without them noticing #VOLOCORE THAT IS SO VOLOCORE #anyway i havent played pokemas since 2020 here we go again #im doing it for my evil blonde man

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skellydun · 4 months

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not google photos making a slideshow with a fun upbeat song in the background titled revisit this moment with the pictures I took for the police from the shooting I was in ahsjdjs

#it was at my internship so i took photos before the event and then after to put the stuff back and to keep for the police #i snorted. its been years and ptsd is practically gone so seeing it with a happy song made me laugh #i did almost die but yknow thats sexy

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baldurs-gate-official · 4 months

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Seeing Astarion and thinking

#bg3 #astarion #c-ptsd #ptsd #seriously im so happy they did such a good job #i barely ever see good ptsd rep in general #so many ptsd characters get killed off as a sort of 'happy ending' and i hate it #and the rep for CPTSD is even scarcer #ive seen characters who *should* have c-ptsd but the writers just stick them with symptoms for regular ptsd #and even when there IS rep they stay away from the difficult parts of it #the ugly parts #the anger and the hard parts of healing #people want the gentle pitiable version usually #but this kind of ptsd involves such an emphasis on control #lack of trust #emotional dysregulation #its not pretty. its rough. its...terrible #i cant describe how happy it makes me to see those parts tackled #and tackled SO well #and he can have a happy ending #even though he cant walk in the sun...in a way it makes it happier for me to see #i have so many injuries from my abuser that will never heal #but i have to live with it and accept it #astarion has to do that too #but it doesnt make him less worthy of love #it doesnt mean he isnt worthy of happiness or that its unattainable #idk im just...not used to seeing someone have the same condition as me #ive seen very few characters outside of bg3 who had ptsd #and most of them were killed off #and it was painted as a happy ending for them and it makes me sick to think thats what people see for people like me

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palilious · 9 months

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smooshing them together like two barbie dolls

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4ndeka · 11 months

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doodles for my fucked up evil fanfic 😂

#overwatch #ramattra #nemesis ramattra #its SFW but i labelled it mature cuz of violence @ the babie ;o;#and ptsd #never thought id ever be making OC + canon content XD #the idea posessed me and i ran with it #my art #the contradiction #violet #morality chain trope with mu current favourite villain XD #ngl i kinda wn

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curioscurio · 6 months

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I finally decided to finish Steven Universe Future and its a little scary how much I identified with Steven this time around. Who am I kidding it was like looking in a mirror. . I have got to move the FUCK out

#i fell off of my therapy appointments but once i find a new one i dont even need to talk i could just show her the 2nd half of SU future #and say this is how i feel. its so stupidly exactly how i feel at its core. the childhood trauma ptsd. the self loathing. GOD the self loat #ing.#i dont have a connie though. and my family kind of sucks. and uh its not an era of peace and uh things are bad from all angles #this is why i gotta move out and back with people who are healthier for me to live with. man im struggling a lot with my health and unemplo #yment. not just my mental health anymore but my physical health too.#i just gotta. keep a stable job and make sure my mom or my brother dont have mental breakdowns and help my brother with his kids and #sorry yall who read my tags its dire out here

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savage-rhi · 2 months

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Magenta.

#i lost my job #even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it #I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through #im scared right now and feel very betrayed #i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do #i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances #i need help #i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed #but i do get where folks are coming from with that #the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves #im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say #i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in #I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time #for something i can't control with my body #i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well #it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now

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system-of-a-feather · 8 months

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C-PTSD Question of the Day

When you were younger, your most childish child self, what was the COOLEST thing in the world? Follow up question, within the resources you have right now, whats a cool way you can participate and engage that super cool thing in your present adult life?

Like Dinosaurs? Grab a book, relearn all the names and find someone to dump it on. Find all the documentaries, look into museums and archeological stuff. Space? Museums, literature, microscopes, documentaries, hell star gazing. Racing? Hotwheels? Monster Trucks? Look up the closest nearest event and check it out, maybe learn about cars.

Engage in the fun things your child self would have been amazed and jealous to see you be able to do

Do something your child self would gasp and idolize, even if its stupid. Become the person your child self would have wanted to follow around and talk to constantly, find the stupidest most childish thing to be engaged in and just have fun with it

Feel free to actually reblog and share. I'd love to hear what yall thought were uber cool and any ideas to unapologetically engage and enjoy those uber cool childhood interests.

#alter: riku #cptsd #c-ptsd #did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #bringing this up cause my fiance was talking to me about his issues #and I was in the shower reflecting on it and Lin and Aya went #owo ok thats cool and all but its dumb trauma owo #owo his little in him is sad and in trauma land owo #lets make his little him schreek with unimaginable joy #at doing the simple childhood dreams #alter: aya #alter: lin

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yellowocaballero · 3 months

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man, reading ch3 was a ride, it's like all fun and jokes and then all of sudden, Nope! It's time to be sad now! but it's so good with it? like, I really enjoyed how seriously you took it, and that moment in the classroom was really like 'oh shit this is legit' in a way that had my heart just sinking in my chest and with the tone whiplash from the rest of the fic so far, it was just literally so good to read. also, seeing byleth and the rest of the class just kinda grapple with wth to do with dimitri while he's deep in this episode is just very interesting, especially when they all have their own hangups and issues with everything. 👍

YESSSSS. I'm always so excited to post the moment the story actually kicks into gear, and this chapter was it for Weekenders. A lot of fun.

I wrote a post a while back about people's discomfort with writing severe mental illness,

and while I wouldn't say Weekenders is a spite fic, it was influenced by how difficult it was to find non-modern AU fic that wrote Dimitri specifically as somebody on the schizophrenia spectrum/bipolar.

It was so hit-me-over-the-head obvious while I was playing! His entire personality and behavior flipped on a DIME in Part 1, and it flipped 'back' in Part 2. He couldn't switch topics, he was ranting incoherently, he was having headaches, he was doing nothing but training, he obviously wasn't sleeping or grooming, he was convinced a 12yo had orchestrated an assasination - that's not depression/anxiety/PTSD, and it's not even just a psychotic episode (mania does have elements of psychosis, hence the paranoid delusions). And, obviously, the actual hallucinations, delusions, antisocialness, lack of grooming, impulsivity, etc, of Part 2 that rang very loudly of a schizophrenic/schizoaffective psychotic break.

But equally important is the fact that Dimitri's illness did not make him hateful and homicidal. Dimitri was always a hateful person. I don't think he's naturally hateful nearly to the degree that he shows while having an episode, but one of the most important lines in the BL route is when Dedue just says that Dimitri was always angry and hateful, and that he just hid it. His behavior in late Part 1/part 2 is him losing all capability to hide it. I don't think he's a pathological liar, and I don't think the Dimitri we see throughout Part 1 is 'fake' - I just think he withholds a lot. Dimitri's cruelty is just as important as his generosity. His hatred is as important as his empathy. The horrible sides of his illness are just as important as the comfortable sides. Do you see what I mean?

That is what interests me about Dimitri so much. Dimitri wants to be Marth. Dimitri tries to be Chrom. Dimitri dresses up like Roy. He is not. He is an angry, paranoid, brutal murderer. Any depiction of Dimitri that forgets that - that unironically only protrays the Dimitri that he shows the world and never the sides of him that he's ashamed of - is kinda buying what he's selling, and it both demonstrates a deep disinterest in who he is and a discomfort with the sides of his illness that aren't palatable.

Dimitri's psychosis did not make him hateful (I think his PTSD had a lot more to do with his anger problems). It made him scared. Mania and psychosis are a very, very scary experience. His mind is constantly telling him that he's in danger, that Byleth's in danger, that everybody and everything around him wants to hurt and kill him, that he is a sinner if he doesn't avenge his dead family. And Dimitri is a good child soldier, and he knows that we destroy our enemies with prejudice. He's a good leader, and he knows that the BL are never safe and that their enemies are everywhere. He's a good son, and he knows that you have to avenge them. Violence solves problems and Dimitri is scared and angry and if he doesn't solve the problem he can't protect the woman and people he loves.

This is serious to me! I'm trying not to make this THAT long but I could go ooooon lol. I understanding wanting to either make him realistically/explicitly schizophrenic OR make him violent, because violent schizophrenics are a bad and harmful stereotype. But I think both sides of him are important, because I don't want to whitewash Dimitri's illness or his experiences. It's scary for the people around you. It very frequenty is triggered from trauma and hardship and it is informed by your life. Like many characters in FE3H, Dimitri is the product of the evils of his world.

Byleth's arc in this story is about her growing into a human being. It is shown as a beautiful thing. It is wonderful to be a person. It would contradict the message of the story to show Dimitri as anything else but a human being - flaws, traumas, SMI and all. He was Marth to her. That's the point.

I went on for soooo long lol but thanks for the ask!

#my writing #my asks #you didnt directly ask about any of this but ive been itching to say it so love and peace <3 #i think its also worth mentioning that sometimes PTSD uh DOES make you hateful and angry and mean #and that it's. normal? expected? it's not inherently bad rep to show a character w/PTSD and anger issues?#like ppl will write a character w/PTSD but only if they get panic attacks and are sad :(#you know. sympathetic people.#i do think connecting violence with psychosis is bad rep but uh it's EXTREMELY hard to argue his ptsd #i felt this same way about Vash Trigun.#when people wrote Vash as GENUINELY #UNIRONICALLY #the person he pretended to be #it misses the point. to me it demonstrates a lack of interest in the character #you can project onto the self-esteem and depression so that's all the character is #and that doesn't leave room for the parts that are uncomfortable so those parts just don't exist #LIKE NOT A CRIME BUT.#JUST BORING?#BAD WRITING?#ok and to me. on the internet. being boring is the greatest crime of all.#fe3h #fire emblem three houses #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

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storeboughtbrand · 2 years

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I just find it so funny that no one, not even Hondo, was prepared for Mav's opening speech. Like this 5'6-ish, highly decorated dumbass really waddled his way down the aisle to the podium in his Chanel cowboy boots & high waist jeans, got up there, and said, "See this manual? *throws it in the trash* I was lying; there is no manual. The only thing you have to fear...is me. Imma shoot all of you with extreme prejudice."

I can just imagine the existential dread Cyclone was going through when he was forced to watch the Captain that Admiral Thomas "Motherfucking Iceman" Kazanksy chose to teach these Top Gun graduates stand up at the podium and go:

#Mav really pulled up on his Kawaski and told Cyclone #Get in Loser were going to play dogfight football #I headcanon Warlock was in one of the classes Mav taught and just got sent into a WW2 PTSD flashback to when Mav taught him #Warlock: omg Captain Mitchell its so good to see you again look Im a rear admiral now are you proud of me???? Please be proud #top gun shitpost #top gun maverick #top gun #pete maverick mitchell #baby daggers armed with daggers #tom iceman kazansky #storeboughtheadcanons #once again another useless contribution to the fandom #beau cyclone simpson #solomon warlock bates #bernie hondo coleman

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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year

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sometimes, when it comes to past trauma, what hurts the most is that the past is gone. you may less feel like the past is following you into the present, and more like you belong in the past - like you're stuck there, or the world is leaving you behind. as if you're an anachronism in your own life. as if you don't truly exist, and your life ended when the past trauma ended. you feel like a ghost.

people think you "just won't let go of the past," but the past has become you. so they don't understand. but i do. you're not alone. and i hope, someday, we can be present. and safe. and happy.

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themetalvirus · 4 months

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shadow being apathetic unless in a situation that is intense enough to give him an adrenaline rush not unlike what he experienced on the ark and thus seeking out violent, unsafe, or painful situations on purpose. thinking of idw shadow in particular actually because when i apply this context to him i think he makes a bit more sense (hes still written real stupid but i can pretend its good for a bit here). they really lean into his lone wolf independent nature. he wants to avoid getting too close to anybody to protect himself from grief if they get taken away. he's so hypervigilant that he can't feel much of anything else. the emotional part of your brain acts before any other part, contributing to the uncontrollable fits of anger common with ptsd - it shuts down your rational brain and forces you to act above all else. so he's either angry, violent, or can't really focus on one thing in particular and thus leaves until he finds something more engaging to his lizard brain. fucked up little adrenaline junkie with issues and problems who really needs to be steered away from his habits and into forming some new damn neural pathways

#exoticbutterstxt #reading the body keeps the score. if you cant tell #im not just processing it thru shadow the hedgehog its also really helping me contextualize #a lot of what happened to me and what is going on with me right now #in terms of emotions and my responses to things #but im not about to write a suuuper personal diary entry on my sonic blog #it also just gives me a lot of thoughts about shadow because hes a canon ptsd haver. just like me fr

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vasito-de-leche · 3 months

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hello!! your writing is so good i am perceiving it /pos. i'm not sure if you do familial/platonic requests so ignore this if you don't but may i request click with a reader who he sees as an older sibling? it can be headcanons or like general thoughts i don't rlly care. thank you!! <3

;R1999 CLICK - Familial Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis about Click and an older sibling figure.

ty for the ask, nonnie <3 and yes, I do write for familial/platonic stuff too, not just romance! check the rules if you have any questions!

As far as I know, there's no information about Click's family nor their dynamics, and he doesn't seem to fit any of the stereotypical youngest/middle/eldest child labels. So, going by personality alone, I'd say that for Click to consider someone as his very own older sibling figure, they'd have to be somewhat similar to him!

Not necessarily a carbon copy of him, mind you - they don't have to share his passion for photography nor agree with him 24/7! Just someone who he can relate to and who brings him a sense of security. Perhaps someone like Zima! Insightful, with a strong core and sense of self, aiming to broaden his horizons.

Someone who has also seen the darker aspects of life, lived through tragedies and come out stronger - Click is proud of his job, but he knows that talking about heavy subjects isn't everyone's cup of tea. So he'd like to know that his older sibling figure can understand or is trying to understand where he comes from, that he doesn't mean to bring the mood down whenever he happens to bring up the subject of war. It's part of his life and his experiences, and pretending that it didn't happen would be a disservice to all the things he's witnessed.

Alternatively, Click would gravitate towards anyone who shows extreme passion for their craft, regardless of what it might be - creative people who are dedicated and who experience the world through different artistic mediums are a big inspiration for him. Someone who drags him into all sorts of situations, allowing Click to capture many different points of view that he would've otherwise missed. Someone like Regulus or Diggers!

Click tends to wander and disappear a lot. It's always up to you to find him.

Younger siblings tend to either follow after their older siblings all the time like puppies, or disappear off the face of the Earth and mind their business (I'm the youngest of 6 siblings, I can vouch for this). Click fits the latter!

It's common for him to just wander around and disappear for days on end to focus on taking the best pictures across the Wilderness, with nothing but his camera and his thoughts. Somehow, he always seems to know whenever you call out to him - he'll manifest beside you right away, hoping he's not gotten into trouble. It's a weird feeling, knowing people expect him to keep in touch and come back safe and sound, that no matter where he goes, he'll still hear your voice calling out to him because he's going to miss dinner (not that he even needs to eat). But it's a very nice, warm feeling, so he doesn't mind.

I like to think Click - and pretty much any ghost within the universe of R1999 - can just become invisible to the human eye at will, with arcanists (especially those of Spirit and Intelligence afflatus) being able to sense their presence. During particularly bad days, where PTSD might be giving Click a hard time, he'll just fade away so that no one can see him. And then, he'll pick a spot to sit and wait for it to blow over.

Sometimes, you find him anyway, no matter how much he tries to hide. Sometimes, he lets you know where he is. Either way, he lets you know that he'd like for you to stay and keep him company - I imagine there's a system you two come up with, should he feel too overwhelmed to talk. Knock once for yes, two for no. Tug on your shirt if he wants to lead you somewhere quieter, pat your hand to sit down with him, etc etc.

Everyone begins to see you as Click's guardian.

On a less sad note, whenever someone needs Click for anything, they always go to you first and foremost! Either because you're the only one who can figure out where he may be, or because they want to run their plans through you first.

Vertin specifically makes sure to know if you'd like to accompany him during missions that require his presence, or if you'd like to know the details of his next solo mission. It's something she does out of politeness and as a a formality - and because Click just seems to perk up just a tiny bit if she tells him that you expect him to do a proper job. Whenever Lilya is planning to give Click a ride to take better pictures, she always jokes around, saying that she'll bring your precious brother back in one piece. Pavia always jokingly threatens Click to snitch on him and tell his "big scary sibling" that he's been taking pictures of people when they sleep.

From an outsider's point of view - those who do not belong to this group - it feels like everyone is infantilizing Click. He's 19 and a war photographer! But one has to remember that everyone in this suitcase has lost family and friends to the "Storm".

Aside from being displaced and forced into unfamiliar waters, everyone is dealing with so many things on their own, like losing their lives and all the people they once knew and cared for. So knowing that Click was able to form such a strong bond with you, to trust and see you as family, despite everything? It really brings them hope for a brighter future - Vertin's goal to create a place for those who have nowhere else to go starts to make sense for them. And hey, most of them are willing to stop with their little jokes and such should they bother you or Click!

This specific point comes from me seeing Vertin's group as one huge found family - there's no way everyone will get along, but at the end of the day, everyone trusts and relies and takes care of each other. The dynamics within this found family are much too complex for me to get into right now and for people outside of it to even understand, just know that it's a thing!

Click picks up on your mannerisms and speech pattern unconsciously.

Click isn't very talkative outside of the usual photography or artistic talk, he's more of a listener. And while he does become a little more talkative around you, opening up and whatnot, you tend to do most of the talking. And that's how he ends up picking up your mannerisms!

It's especially funny for everyone if you happen to have a very different and contrasting way of speech- the way Click just casually drops an F bomb in that soft-spoken voice whenever he fails to get the perfect shot will NEVER stop funny.

I like to think that, because of how observant he is, he also ends up picking up on your unique gestures. It's all an unconscious thing he does - if someone points it out Click won't even know what they're talking about, entirely oblivious to the fact that he now emotes and makes the same facial expressions as you do, the same gestures (at least when his hands are free, instead of clinging to that camera of his) and using the same phrases and whatnot.

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #reverse 1999 headcanons #reverse 1999 x reader #reverse 1999 click #im a relationship anarchist so you have to understand. talking abt found families makes me go DERANGED #i kept it to just general familial stuff tho #see if it were up to me. click would call you the english equivalent of kuya or ate but. no one does that in english apparently #calling your siblings sis or bro??? is apparently weird??? but its so natural to me. like yeah thats my kuya!!#sorry i shortwired thinking about pinoy pavia again #i also have a lot of thoughts about click and war PTSD and whatnot but thats for a different post

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