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#its the small interpersonal things that make me fucking hate it here
returntosaturn271995 · 5 months
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Tuesday, October 24th: The Crying Game
I truly am Pavolv's dumbest dog.
Within five minutes of sitting down to therapy, I start crying like the walls are emitting pepper spray. It's both a relief and embarrassing as I slowly collect tissues from my therapist into an ever-growing ball of Kleenex and mucus.
I hope there's never a murder in that building because, after a year and a half, it's basically coated in my DNA.
"Issues" covered:
The insane guilt I feel about "wasting" years of my 20s feeling depressed
Worries that my productivity is only temporary, and I truly am just human garbage
That I'm only as good as my last accomplishment
That I only have so long to fix my personality
The fact that I see my personality as something to be "fixed"
The fact that I still think I'm kind of right ^
Is it so wrong to want to love myself but also try to make myself more lovable at the same time? (Like I'm doing it for myself...so that one day someone can actually love me. I'm doing these things to feel more confident...because confidence is attractive.)
Thinking 28 means I've "run out of time"
Worrying is a form of avoidance
Learning to see who I am outside of what I've done that day, that month, that year
Remembering I still have made a fuck ton of progress
It's okay to notice depressive thoughts. That's not a slide.
Remembering there are aspects of my life that are successful
One of them being my job and waking up at 6 am for it
Another having good relationships with friends and family (no major interpersonal drama)
Massive fear of failure
Continuing to cut back on alcohol, (I retain my right to CBD, this is still California).
Issues not covered:
My low-key non-belief in romantic love
The not-unrelated recent emergence of my biological clock
How I dress better on the days I see her to look like I have my shit more together. Would a depressed person wear $150 wide-leg trousers from Aritzia? (ignore small iced coffee stain).
How just today I downloaded an app called "WaterLlama" for $9 because I can't be trusted with my own hydration or apparently my own money. (I am now peeing what feels like constantly).
How because her practice is in a normal office building, I regularly traipse by people after all the tearing up has given me "ham-sandwich-face". I then feel the urge to explain to them that actually I just paid to cry in therapy for $160 which is healthy. I'm not just some emotionally unstable girl who hates her job in this building. (Well, not this building anyway. And not at this job currently).
My on-going battle with Etsy's customer service department to escape fraudulent charges that were made yesterday.
I'm supposed to focus less on my daily goals being a metric of my self-worth...
But whatever I still did good things:
Cardio: Shin splint is back because I ran on it too soon, I hit my fitness goal by walking 4 miles to the beach. Great walk, beautiful view, 10/10 dog watching.
Work: Up at 6 am, powered through like a champ, and did 2 things I've been putting off which I consider high performance.
Cooking: Ate apples and overnight oats I made Saturday night, baked a chicken pot pie from Trader Joes.
Reading: I finished "Really, Good, Actually" and will be collecting its quotes to share here when I feel like it. Very quotable book.
Meditation: How what we love is what we dedicate our time to. I clearly like to meditate, read, cook, and cry in front of trained professionals. Oh and spending time with friends making fun of reality TV.
Yoga: I may not have it in me today for yoga. But I will attempt a relaxation one and tell myself I'm happy with any length of time.
Organization: The pile of shoes in my closet will be my master no longer. But again...going to let myself eat first.
Today's fragrance: Ameline by Phlur.
Current mood: Drained (but in a therapeutic way).
Now I'm going to fuck off, smoke a little weed, and enjoy some carbs.
That's how you win the crying game.
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bubaluv · 4 years
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So how are yall
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sugar-petals · 3 years
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can you give us more thoughts about domestic yoongles? the taemin's one (wich I love) just made me miss the cat boy so much ;o;
i have a phd in househusband yoongi so let me fire out some ideas for ya.
myg at home headcanon
🐱 word count. 1.9k | fluff, slice of life, slight nsfw mentions, x reader, bullet points
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The doorbell sound is a recording of Yoongi imitating a doorbell. He’s such a meme. Ceci n'est pas une pipe.
Seemingly, he teaches himself a new recipe every week. To perfection. Yoongi is very particular about sticking to the recipe and wielding his kitchen tools in the right way. He collects knives, olive oil, and still hates cutting onions.
He separates sleep time, work time, and couple time as the holy trinity. For each, he switches his mood.
Blushes easily no matter for how long you’ve been together.
Establishes his own radio show where he DJs at one point.
Yoongi keeps an extreme track on the garbage schedule. He knows exactly what is due when. Separating the trash is a must. That includes sorting out fake friends trying to get between your relationship. Your social circle as a couple is extremely deliberate.
Yoongi deems himself a terrible host for guests. Unless Hoseok is there to drag him out, it's true he rather stays in the kitchen or at the barbecue preparing the menu courses rather than making small talk. He leaves the hospitality bits to you, however you want to go about it.
What he lacks in conversing with guests, he makes up in bed, God is absolutely fair.
He sings and hums pretty often and has his own vernacular of extraterrestrial uwu noises. It's an alphabet that you have to yet decipher but it's incredibly cute.
Self-made paintings everywhere around his house. 
Yoongi hasn't gone clubbing since grammar school. The most he does is going to a restaurant at lunch with very close friends. And always in a work context. His private life is so secluded from everything else and paparazzi just don't spot him anywhere, Dispatch thinks he must live abroad.
Very well, he does consider his big ole house a separate country. It's a living organism with a studio, gym, trophy room, small-size basketball court, and vastly equipped kitchen. A home theater as well, he likes American movies (like Inception) and Korean action genres, and you can stream whatever you fancy in there whenever you like. 
Yes, he has underwear with cute little bears on.
There's even a little pond in the backyard. Yoongi, Pisces he is, likes fishes after all. Sometimes he sits at the edge of the 'Little Ole Min Lake (LOML)' and stares into the water for literal hours with his chin parked on his palm.
His fridge is so high-tech and futuristic, even Yoongi is rendered clueless by its AI sometimes. The washing machine, too.
Yoongi watches RuPaul’s drag race. What did you expect? He finds it so humorous.
Owns lord knows how many comic collections.
Favorite holiday destination: New York.
Christmas is basically 50% you unveiling new music equipment to him in the garage and Yoongi almost fainting at the sexiness of it. The other 50% is spent holding hands and orgasm after orgasm until the new year since you loose track of time.
Goes on long rants why he’d marry you again every weekend.
Making you presents is his specialty. Always accompanied with a hand-written note. He writes a lot of things by hand for you in general. Texting, basically never. Always on paper.
No sex without a blanket and socks on. Yoongi gets cold very very easily and just doesn’t like showing skin. You buy him a heated blanket for his birthday, he even uses it in his studio chair.
Chronically addicted to making out.
Matching black outfits and glasses.
Laughs at even your worst jokes or phrases you didn’t expect you even uttered.
Yoongi owns the phoniest, most secretive-looking black car ever and nobody knows about it. Even he forgets he owns it, in fact he genuinely acts like it just doesn’t exist. Hilarious. And that guy has a level 1 Korean driver's license. Which allows him to drive trailers and busses and fucking trucks, and construction machines, let that sink in.
It's really a genius curse. Yoongi being put to the test will always deliver but he won't choose to execute his full skillset if he doesn't have to. Well, pragmatic. He's not as phony as he thinks he is, which is even more hilarious.
He uses that behemoth of a car so scarcely because he'd rather have things delivered to his doorstep and he's stingy with gas. Also, he doesn't like traffic and driving because of the traumatic shoulder accident and his tendency to space out. Translation: You drive that thing... that monster... it really is an impressive, fast, and scary machine. 
If someone devious ever even remotely manages to invade his privacy and get past the doubly-installed security system, he has enough money to deal with it no matter what.
If it concerns your privacy, he's a red belt. And owns Jin's number if a taekwondo master is required. Jimin's if it needs someone with kendo skills.
If Yoongi needs someone to go on a complete rampage, Jungkook lives just down the block. He can sprint to Yoongi's bunker I mean mansion within 45 seconds. 30 if it's very urgent. 20 if the reward is an instant ramen splurge with Yoongi's black card.
He has a sexy, glamorous sword collection hanging on the living room wall anyways, so. Who the hell is dumb enough to mess with him and his expensive lawyer in the first place.
But just in case, who knows... Yoongi settles matters shruggingly, anonymously, and with cash and he's too exhausted for violence, but don't underestimate his deter-min-ation and network for emergencies. Also, he is Agust D after all.
He will bonk a naughty burglar or kidnapper across the head with a wooden cooking spoon or take him down by throwing a basketball if the situation requires it. Damn, his reflexes are so fast, a feral cat in motion. So, lean back and sip on your drink of choice. Things are cared for.
If Yoongi is the one being kidnapped or a highly skilled stalker invades the property at night when he's fast asleep (nothing can wake this man during certain hours, strong REM right here): Don't forget that honeyboy is a Dodgers fan. There are signed baseball bats everywhere in this damn house.
In that sense, your parents visiting you here for the first time thought you were an undercover thug couple. Not to worry mom and dad, you both just like sports very much okay.
Yoongi walks around in all black clothes and the rooms are all seemingly dark. Even if you live together, you don't know his skin care routine. It's clear to you he's some sort of vampire.
Since Yoongi always forgets to remove his makeup, you made it a habit to wipe it down when he's about to pass out. He won't lie, he enjoys that kind of affection.
Holly is your resident child. You're essentially a family.
He insists to tackle this by himself, Yoongi sees his therapist monthly. Not shifting responsibility is something he's stubborn about and he pours his emotions into writing. You will do conversation about deeper stuff, but he says it's mostly up to him and his own mind. He dislikes burdening you or opening up too much and it's something to respect rather than force him about. If he wants to share a thought, he will. It doesn’t mean he can’t trust you or sucks at communicating (we know that he’s direct). Yoongi simply can’t put that much pain in such few words nor should you alleviate it for him.
Calls from the manager faze Yoongi as much as Jimin is bothered by gravity. If he’s busy kissing your body slow mo, who the hell dares to disturb his worship. 
This man had so many let-downs and interpersonal catastrophes in his life, he's super discerning with people. Because he rolls that way, during their first meeting Yoongi uses his psychology certificate on your friends. You see him squint at them, he listens very closely. After they pass the vibe check aka meow radar, he befriends them, too.
Yoongi doodles Grammy trophies everywhere to manifest them.
Yoongi shaves his legs.
All the sex toys he’s ever bought are black. Gotta vibe in style.
He spends ridiculous amounts of time in the studio but he's yours for the remainder of the night, breakfast, and he makes a lavish lunch and dinner.
Um, consider his head parked between your legs. The Hongkong line was not a joke.
Doesn’t mind you squishing his cheeks whenever and for how long you like. 
Every other weekend he gets flowers, vouchers, and gifts — not because of fans, they don’t know where his house is, but because he donates so much.
Namjoon often drops by and cleanses the area with his crystals.
Yoongi is a photography major so you can ask him to take professional, ceiling-high black and white shots of you.
Feeding each other food lovingly. Man, this guy got lips.
He set up a library just for you, in the exact historical aesthetic you like the most. Send him the link to any book you want, it's basically in the online shopping cart already. As I said, he wants to make you presents like every week.
Sometimes he sits on the other end studying English videos and vocab while you read. And yes, he's already 95% fluent but pretends being merely intermediate. He knows technical terms even native speakers have never heard of.
He collects pajamas and earrings.
Swears on the phone.
Namjoon being the horniest member is a cover-up story. Yoongi masturbates almost unreasonable amounts of times, by himself and in your arms when going to bed. Not gonna lie, it’s a sight to see his hands at work. He’s almost equally obsessed with fingering you once you ask him.
Yoongi was the one asking you to move in and almost had a nervous meltdown before meeting up with you to tell you just that. 
He’s the little spoon and of course a sleeping burrito to hold tight.
Finds you equally attractive in any state or styling. Yoongi practices what he preaches, he always reacts the same and says the same. 
Jams out to outrageous beats Namjoon sends him by dancing in the studio. You walk in on him every time. Was embarrassed at first, now you dance along.
Has bought you a life-sized Yoongi pillow and customized you a giant Shooky to hug when he’s not at home over night.
Owned a wine cellar until he quit drinking. Turned it into a piano room instead.
Only you know Yoongi has a serpent and dagger tattoo.
Scrubs the bathroom religiously.
The house smells like restaurant food and his extravagant perfumes half of the time.
Sometimes he has to remind himself he’s married to you and not his coffee machine. He shall be forgiven. You can’t complain that he doesn’t love you enough, nor is he ever not adorable when drinking his latte.
Never wears short sleeves. It can be scorching and he’ll wear a jacket. 
Tell him and the cap stays on during sex.
He grows his hair out and puts it in a low bun. The bangs remain.
Yoongi has installed the most fire-proof building in the entire city it seems. That he wanted to be a firefighter when he was young definitely shows. Figures the house has to be protected from heat: His blasting studio music and Yoongi himself are just way too sizzling.
Still melts into a puddle when you kiss his nose.
Couple sunrise watching. 
© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.
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lubdubsworld · 3 years
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Falling for you ( Falling from grace) Jungkook x OC
Rated : 18 +
Warning : . Fuck buddies? Or rather enemies that have sex. They just really hate each other but also can’t keep their hands off each other.
Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5
Chapter 6
“Are you sure you want to head back to work today, Areum? Hoseok told me that he would give you the rest of the week off if you like... That bruise on your face is looking pretty nasty.” My sister commented mildly, her eyes worried as she watched me dab concealer on the mottled purpling skin on my jaw.
“I need to finish a couple of reports by the weekend. And Namjoon oppa told me he wanted me to be there when we viewed the CCTV footage later today. It’s going to help getting that bastard fired.” I flinched at how bad this side of my face looked. 
The bastard. 
“He’s not fired yet?” My sister made a noise of outrage.
“Of course he is. There’s a restraining order against him. But formally he needs to be terminated and Namjoon wants to do it in a way that it goes on his record permanently. Especially considering he’s already out on bond.” I wrinkled my nose. 
There wasn’t much chance of Junho going to prison over this but I definitely did not want him within fifty feet of me, ever again. 
“Jungkook’s busy with his practice is it? I haven’t heard from him...” My sister prompted and I nodded.
“His big match is coming up on Sunday. That's like four days away ...he’s probably cooped up in that gym of his.” 
“I know... Seokjin works out there too... its a great place...how come you’re never there?”
I frowned .
“He actually has me blacklisted. I’m not allowed inside the establishment. ” I muttered. 
My sister’s eyes widened.
“What? Why?”
I shrugged. The memory was a good one and worth reliving. In fact i relived it quite often when I was particularly horny with only my own hands for relief. 
“I seduced him against his favorite punching bag once and he had to get rid of it because the cum stains wouldn’t come off. He’s a petty jerk.” I grinned at my sister enjoying the way her eyes went wide as saucers. .
She stared at me slack jawed. And then she shook her head in disbelief. 
“You talk about him this way but you always look like you're half way in love with him. I don’t know what is going on in your head when it comes to Jungkook.”
I laughed.
“I love him. Of course I do.... I’m pretty sure he cares about me too, “ I remembered how warm and content I’d felt when he’d held me, how the police officer had immediately concluded he was my boyfriend, simply from the concern radiating off him, “  But, I’m not going to push for anything. I like how we are ...now.”
“Friends with benefits.?”
“I prefer the term enemies who fuck” I winked and she groaned. 
“Whatever you say. But remember, you’re going to have to DTR at some point and I hope you don’t get a shock if he isn’t on the same page. “ 
“Unlikely. Now go distract mom so I can slip out of the back door.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That looks pretty fucking bad.” Hoseok winced when he saw me and I groaned.
“Don’t remind me. I ran into Namjoon on the way up and he swelled like a bullfrog. Is Jungkook in today?” I asked him brightly.
Hoseok frowned.
“you guys are awfully chummy these days ....Need I remind you about the clause on interpersonal relationships in the office?” 
I flushed.
“We’re...not....I mean. We’re friends. “
“I thought the term was enemies who fuck.” Hoseok said thoughtfully and I jumped.
“What-?”
“Jungkook told me, you little brat. I asked him why he went over to the police station and broke Junho’s fucking jaw and he spilled...”
My own jaw came unhinged.
“ He what?!”
 “He posted the bond money for the bastard himself to get him out and then apparently punched him hard enough to land him in the hospital.”
“Oh my God...is he in trouble?” 
Hoseok sighed.
“Of course not... Mr. Jeon had it taken care off at once but I knew something was up . He’s too old to play knight in shining armor , unless there was something between you guys...” 
I sighed.
“We’re in a purely physical relationship yes with of course a splattering of affection for each other. But nothing that deserves a label or close scrutiny from the HR dept. Please Hobi oppa, just let me be. “ I fluttered my lashes and he rolled his eyes. 
“Just as long as you know that Jeon Jungkook is a chaebol. He’s not going to make a honest woman out of you.” Hoseok gave me a pointed look and I wondered if I really did wear my heart on my sleeve. 
Apparently, everyone could sense that my feelings for Jungkook ran deeper than just lust and I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. 
“Anyway, yo answer you question, yes. He’s in his office right now.”
I made to turn away but Hoseok grabbed my wrist.
“You have thirty five memos to answer and seventeen appointments to schedule. Your desk is this way, I suggest you head in that direction.” His eyes glinted in a way that told me he was incredibly serious. 
I pouted.
Fine... I’d wait for lunch to go meet Jungkook.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jungkook had a secretary of his own , the smitten Miss Lee and she gave me an angelic smile, telling me that Jungkook was out to meet someone in the marketing department. If there was anything important, I could leave it with her.
Declining the offer and thanking her, I made my way to the fireescape and the back stairwell. One of the doors opened to the emergency exit in Jungkook’s office and it took me a little bit of running around but I managed to locate it easily enough. 
Jungkook had left the door open and less than ten minutes later , I was in his office, staring around in mild awe. 
Weirdly enough, I’d never been here. before, mostly because Jungkook himself wasn’t in here all that much. But there was no mistaking that he actually did take his work seriously . I peered around the expensive drawing Tablet and the three or so monitor screens , the stylus tossed about. 
It was probably a huge breach of his privacy but I couldn’t help but click on the mouse, watching his monitor come alive. 
I blinked in disbelief when I realized what I was staring at. 
“Oh my  fuck...”  I
I felt my face flood with heat as I stared at the screen. 
It was a drawing of me. 
I was completely naked , reclining against what looked like a thick white fur rug , with countless plush cushions scattered all around me. The snow white fur set off the golden glow of my skin and I noticed the attention to detail, the tiny mole in the corner of my hip, the small half moon scar on the edge of my collar bone and of course an impressive collection of hickeys on my neck and my inner thighs. 
I looked the way I usually did when I was mouthing off at him, a little angry and rebellious, my eyes blazing with a challenge and my lips parted in annoyance . I had one hand resting right between my legs, two fingers pressed against the labia while the other two disappeared into me. The other hand lay on my breast, fingers tweaking one hard nipple . 
I turned away quickly, breathing harshly as I realized that Jungkook had literally drawn an incredibly accurate drawing of me masturbating , purely from memory.
Not entirely sure if i should be angry at this or not, I tried to clear the hazy cloud of arousal that was beginning to settle all over me. I wasn’t angry. 
I was just ridiculously turned on. 
And incredibly curious if he had other pics of me. 
I whirled back around to the computer and then nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized that Jungkook was leaning against the doorway, watching me with an amused smile on his face. 
“Oh, fuck...” I clutched at my heart which felt like it was going to give out. 
“Pretty sure your desk isn’t here, Areum. Are you lost?” He drawled, stepping away from the door and stalking over to me. 
I stepped back quickly, the action purely instinctive. 
“Did you punch Junho?” I asked sharply.
Jungkook gave me a small smile.
“That is a very mild way to put it yes. He’s gonna be eating through a straw for a couple of months , yes.”
I glared at him. 
“What if you got arrested.” I folded my arms.
He laughed.
“Baby, come on. fucker had it coming. Anyway enough about that loser. Why are you hovering near my desk. Corporate espionage is generally frowned upon baby... Am i gonna have to spank you, you naughty girl?” He waggled his eyebrows. 
I rolled my eyes before walking up to his desk and turning the screen around to show the lewd artwork . 
“how long have you been drawing me like that?” I pointed at the screen and Jungkook looked surprised. 
Surprised but not particularly bothered. 
“Ah... i love that one... Did you see the way I only drew four of your fingers between your legs baby, your thumb is supposed to be rubbing on your clit.... I was working on it when I got called away earlier....” He looked apologetic. 
I felt like I had turned the exact shade of the marron carpet under my foot. 
“Jungkook how long have you been drawing me naked...” I snapped. 
“ Oh... probably the first time you let me see you naked.” He said nodding lightly and I stared at him.
“How come I’ve never heard of this?” I hissed and he gave me a grin. 
“Because it’s for my own personal...use.” He grinned. 
I glared at him.
“How many....?” I demanded.
Jungkook shrugged.
“50...? 60? Definitely at least fifty.” He said casually. 
I stared at him.
“I wanna see them.” I said sharply. Jungkook sighed, like I was being a pain , which was so unfair it made me want to scream. 
“Areum, I-” 
“Jungkook?” A soft voice called from the outer office and I frowned when Jungkook startled. 
“Oh, hey... Sana..... Come in.” His voice had shifted into something mild and pleasant and I felt my hackles rise. 
“Oh..hello... Areum ssi...” The girl gave me a confused smile and I resisted the urge to fold my hands and demand what she was doing there. Instead , I moved away from behind Jungkook’s desk, grabbing a file. 
“Good afternoon Sana ssi.” I smiled.
“I’m sorry, I missed lunch, Sana.... I wanted to give you this. “ Jungkook pulled out a small envelope from his jacket, smiling an absolutely angelic smile at her. 
Sana looked suitably enthralled, her eyes trained greedily on his perfect face as she took the envelope.
“Oh.. are these--?”
“Tickets to my match on Sunday yes...” He smiled. “ I’m hoping you’ll be there.” 
I felt my lungs expand as I took a deep breath to calm myself down. The urge to screech like a banshee was increasing by the second. 
“Oh, I’ll be there for sure. I’ll be cheering you on from the front row, Jungkook !!” She all but bounced on her feet, looking positively giddy with excitement as she bowed to both of us and literally floated away. 
I waited till she was fully gone before turning on him. 
“There better be another envelope in there with my name on it.” I gritted out. 
Jungkook grinned wide at that, eyes dancing with mirth. 
“In my jacket? Not really. But there’s something much better in my pants with your name on it. Want me to whip it out for you baby?? “
He grabbed the edge of his belt buckle, tugging the leather out of the hoops and I glared at him. 
“You are out of your mind if you think I’m going to be okay with you letting everyone watch you fight but  me. That is just unfair and uncalled for.” I snapped. 
Jungkook was still tugging on his belt, but he paused to give me a look.
“What’s in it for me?” He said softly. 
I frowned.
“What?”
“I’m not going to enter a deal without an equitable pay off....Its obvious that you’re really turned on by the thought of watching me fight . So unless you give me something I’m thirsty for.... I’m not going to indulge you,” He said casually. 
I laughed in disbelief. 
“There is literally nothing I’ve denied you in bed , you're crazy to even suggest -”
“I haven’t fucked your ass yet.” He said casually. 
I could feel myself turning red.
“No.” I hissed. “ Absolutely not.”
“Why the hell not?” He frowned.
“Because it fucking hurts. I’m not going through that again.” I snapped. 
Jungkook groaned like he was in actual pain. 
“Baby, its hardly my fault you’ve never slept with a real man before me, is it? Why should I deprived the pleasure of fucking your ass just because those buffoons didn’t know how to do it right?” Jungkook’s voice was dangerously close to a whine and I resisted the urge to throw something at him. 
“I don’t fucking care...its a no. So drop it. ” 
Jungkook narrowed his eyes. 
“Fine. I’ll drop it. For now.” He muttered and then made a big show of thinking, “ alright fine. How about you let me tie you up.”
I stared at him.
“You literally do that every time we have sex.” I pointed out. 
“And I get to use my toy box.” 
I blinked.
“Your toy box.” I said , confused. He grinned mischievously. 
“You know the one...Big mahogany box  underneath my bed. The first time I showed you, you kind of screamed and called me a monster?” He grinned wide.
i had a brief flashback of an assortment of whips, floggers and gags. 
I shuddered. 
Nope. 
This wasn’t working. 
“How about this.... Either you get me those tickets or you don’t get to fuck me. At all.” I smirked.
Jungkook hummed.
“Why would you punish yourself like that love?” He drawled. “ You can’t live without my dick, the sooner you accept that the easier life is going to get for you.” 
The audacity of this bitch. 
I walked right past him , ready to stalk out,  but his hand shot out, gripping my elbow and pulling me into his embrace.
I struggled against his hold, but he brought both arms around my waist, flexing his muscles so I could feel just how futile it would be to try and break free. 
“Come on baby, walking out in the middle of negotiations...that’s just really poor etiquette. Think of the poor hostage....” He pouted , doe eyes wide and I nearly caved. He had no fucking business being sexy  and  cute. 
I laughed in disbelief.
“Hostage??....are you talking about your fucking ego....?” I stared right up at him , tilting my face when he moved to kiss me. His lips latched on to my jaw instead, tongue licking the skin there gently as he hummed . 
“No...I’m talking about my dick.” He grabbed both my elbows, swinging me around like I weighed nothing, one arm holding me in place as he pressed up against my back, hips rolling so I could feel the hardness of his dick right against the swell of my ass. “ Dude’’s feeling pretty darn trapped right now. Poor thing just wants to get inside you and ruin you baby, why you making it so hard for him...?” 
I elbowed him sharply, vindicated when the sharp edge of it caught something hard and fleshy. Jungkook grunted in discomfort but didn’t let go of me. 
“My little hellcat. “ He bit down on the juncture between my neck and shoulder, “You know why my dick is hard?”
“To match your cold unfeeling heart?” I snapped and he moaned in mock hurt. 
“Not fair baby...I have the kindest heart... Soft heart, hard dick....That’s literally my entire persona.” Jungkook nuzzled my neck .  
I fought the urge to laugh . 
“So why then? Because I’m within ten feet of you? Isn’t that all it takes usually?” I muttered, wincing a bit when his teeth sank in a little deeper.
Jungkook let out a soft chuckle.
“Normally I’d agree but today... I’m so fucking hard because you looked like you wanted to claw Sana’s face off when I gave her those tickets....” 
I flushed.
“Well, I just don’t think I should be the only one not allowed to see you fight.” 
“Or maybe you just hate the idea of any one else getting to touch my dick...because like I said...it’s got your name on it right baby?” Jungkook laughed against my ear and I blushed . 
“I still think its rude that you don’t let me come to your matches.” I grumbled. 
“And why do you think that is, baby? Why do you think I’m so adamant about you not being anywhere near me when I have something important to do...”
I didn’t reply, eyes fluttering shut when he suckled on the skin near my neck. 
“Its because I’ll probably lose..” He growled into my ear, “ Don’t wanna get knocked out in the first round because I was too busy staring at your pretty, pretty face and delicious fucking body... My only distraction, my  favorite  distraction.”
  I felt myself melt like an ice cream cone in the fucking sun. 
“Oh, fuck you....you honey-tongued son of a bitch...” I choked out, unable to fight the wide grin that was taking over my face. 
Jungkook chuckled in victory, hugging me tighter.
“So tell me.... Can I tie you up tonight? Get some of my favorite toys...Want to play in your sandbox....” He leered and I laughed despite myself. How could this man make the most innocent of phrases sound so fucking sexy.... 
“Only if you let me pick the toys.”
Jungkook let go of me and gently turned me around. He was frowning deeply. 
“Babe you don’t even know what their called.” He complained.
“But I can gauge how much damage they’ll do and that’s more important to me.” I pointed out. 
Jungkook gave me a thoughtful smile.
“Hmm....fine... But I get to offer the choices. “ He said softly. 
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Okay, in that case you need to let me see every single drawing you’ve made of me... right now.” I smiled.
Jungkook grinned, already grabbing my wrist and tugging me back to his desk.
“Deal...but I’m gonna need you to sit on my cock and keep it warm while I show them to you..... okay?” 
I glared at him but he was already moving to the wide , comfortable chair behind the desk. He sat on the chair, manspreading and unbuckling himself before wriggling the slacks down past his waist and tugging his boxers down. 
I watched him reach in to pull out his hard cock ,  pumping the hard length of it a couple of times before smiling at me expectantly. 
“Horny bastard.” I muttered under my breath, before letting him maneuver me into his lap, fingers slipping up my skirt and tugging my panties aside , before lining himself up against my center. 
“Ready baby?” He kissed my cheeks fondly and I nodded lowly. He pressed a couple of fingers against my slit, dipping in just enough to make sure I was wet enough. I wasn’t dry per se, but it still stung a bit when he drove himself in with one swift stroke. 
“Oh, fuck...” I groaned when he entered me , the rock hard length of him cleaving my insides and making my tongue go dry. I clenched down on him, thighs beginning to tremble already. I gripped the edge of the table in front of me. 
“Maybe I should call Sana in now.? Huh baby...that’ll show her who this dick belongs to, right , angel?” He whispered against my ear and I moaned, a gush of arousal staining my thighs at his words., Jungkook laughed knowingly, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep me still before rolling his hips gently and settling inside me. 
“So baby, which ones do we start with.... Solo shots? ones with me....? There’s one of me fucking your pretty pink hole, maybe that’ll change your mind about letting me take you in the back...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s Note : I’m stopping here because the next chapter is just like 5k of porn and I wanted it to be a standalone chapter. 
Comments are love , Feedback is really appreciated. Send me your thoughts, ideas or even just scream about how hot Jungkook is....anything works. 
taglist : @veronawrites @aamxxrii  @brooky95
@apollukee
@ladyartemesia
@yoongisdragon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ if you guys wanna be on the taglist just lemme know...
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chalkrevelations · 3 years
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Episode 31 of Word of Honor, and in many ways OH MY GOD YES, but also, no, show, wtf?
As in, wt actual f is going on? Literally, what is happening?
(Spoilers, so scroll away and come back later, if you need to.)
So, first thing’s first: I feel like this one may end up a bit short, because a lot of it is likely to be just a bunch of keysmash flailing? (EDIT: No, I just came back up here to the top from the bottom, because this is NOT AT ALL any shorter than usual.) I’ll attempt a bit more than exclamation points and worry over whether my poor heart is able to take this, but we’ll see how it goes, because the first thing I’m going to do is say I knew it! and I told you so! I knew you weren’t planning to die, Zhou Zishu. I did call you a liar after Ep 30, and I was right. I mean, what’s the point of having the terrifying master of the Ghost Valley as your boyfriend husband if he’s not going to rescue you after you’ve been kidnapped for attempted ravishment by the evil prince? And get you the best wedding present ever, i.e., a bunch of new disciples? Omg, Zhou Zishu’s face when Wen Kexing finally calls himself a disciple of Four Seasons Manor! (I think he’s so overwhelmed, he doesn’t even realize when WKX calls him “shixiong” a minute before that!) Wen Kexing’s tiny pained smile that he just can’t seem to help when ZZS lays his hand on WKX’s head! That long shuddering breath ZZS lets out, and the way his shoulders just drop, like he’s finally let go of a huge weight! (The worry this brings me, because there are five and a half episodes left, my dude, and your husband is a troublemaker, and I would not be getting complacent, if I was you.) The fact that WKX has knelt to ZZS and called him zongzhu in front of the Ghost Valley contingent – there’s gotta be some political implications to that. Horseback riding! The way WKX keeps holding (up) ZZS! Lol at WKX being all, you all can leave now, we can take our honeymoon alone from here! ZZS knew he would come (I told you so)! Their smiles! Their soft little faces! (Merciless killers! How so fucking adorable?) The hairpin! MARRIED, Y’ALL. Censorship? I don’t know her. ANYWAY, that’s all just a bunch of flailing reaction to the first almost 20 minutes of emoporn. Also, Zhang Zhehan, you should not do suffering so pretty. It makes me feel like a bad person for still enjoying your face so much when your character is in so much physical and emotional distress.
Secondly, show. We need to talk. You should not be this opaque. I’m trying to piece together everything that’s happened in (vaguely) chronological order:
Sometime before dying (before breaking his heart meridians?), Han Ying tells Wen Kexing about the Four Seasons Remnants back with Prince Jin. All of Ep 30 happens, with Zhou Zishu and Xie Wang both making a mess of Awful Prince’s/Yifu’s plans. Xie Wang, the rest of the Scorpions, and the Ghost Valley team retreat back to a lair. Which lair? Who knows, at this point. Cao Weining talks to Fan Shishu. (He explicitly tells this to A-Xiang.) But does he also confront Mo Huaiyang? Because I feel like it must be significant that we get the same turn of phrase to describe Zhao Jing’s relationship with Xie Wang – asking a tiger for its skin – from Mo Huaiyang to Fan Shishu, and then attributed to Cao Weining when A-Xiang quotes it to WKX in the same ep. The show even emphasizes this for us to catch by drawing attention to A-Xiang’s use of it via her struggle to remember the idiom properly. (A. This episode’s convo between Mo Huaiyang and Fan Shishu, which is when we see Mo Huaiyang actually use the idiom, happens AFTER Cao Weining and Gu Xiang leave Gentle Wind Sword Sect. I went back and checked, and it is Mo Huaiyang who uses it, not Fan Shishu. B. In this same convo, Fan Shishu says he still needs to explain all this to the disciples somehow, so C. Was there a prior, unseen convo between just Cao Weining and Mo Huaiyang in which Mo Huaiyang practiced his excuses on poor, hapless Cao Weining first?)
Anyway, Cao Weining then goes to A-Xiang, who’s lit. and fig. in the dark at this point, in her rustic cabin outside the gated community. I notice Cinnamon Roll already has his bag packed. He is done. He lays out the current political web, and A-Xiang seems pretty sure of Liu Qianqiao’s ultimate loyalty to WKX. This is probably important in what happens next. Gu Xiang and Cao Weining decide to run away and elope but then … get captured and taken to the lair. On purpose? A-Xiang did see Liu Qianqiao with Xie Wang in the Secret Cave, standing shoulder to shoulder with Du Pusa as an apparent top-tier henchwoman, and she probably expects to be protected, but this seems like a pretty big gamble. I suppose you don’t survive the Ghost Valley without learning to take some risks. A-Xiang then leads Xie Wang and the Ghost Valley contingent to WKX (at burned-down Four Seasons Manor?) to, she says, let WKX take down Xie Wang. She notes Xie Wang’s use of some potion to control everyone – I assume the Drug Man potion, and I assume the monthly antidote is what’s keeping everyone in the Ghost Valley from going full Drug Man?
WKX and Xie Wang confer in secret. Probably about how much they both hate Awful Yifu. I mean, I assume Xie’er still hates Awful Yifu at this point, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Probably a key point here: WKX is hiding whatever this was about from his husband. My dude, why are you still like this? I guess that explains the pained cast to that tiny little smile earlier. WKX then takes some of the Ghost Valley contingent and coordinates with the Four Seasons Remnants back in Prince Jin’s territory to rescue ZZS. Husband safely rescued, WKX now heads back to Ghost Valley, to … abdicate? He promises A-Xiang he’s going to come back safely, and my dude, I’m trying to believe you. I really am. I’m trying to have as much faith in you planning to be back all along as I had in ZZS not planning to die in Jin Palace all along, but here’s a key difference: HE LET YOU IN ON HIS PLAN. Which you were a key part of. I find your secrecy, by contrast, concerning.
Other things:
Love the little moment between Gu Xiang and Liu Qianqiao and Luo Fumeng when Beauty Ghost and Tragicomic Ghost turn to Xie Wang in righteous indignation and want to know what the fuck he thinks he’s doing to their little girl. Compare the reaction of these two moms to Happy Ghost being all, “Nope, this is a complete and total in with Wen Kexing right here in a pretty pink dress.” The show continues to draw a fairly bright line between the characterization of the women in the Department of the Unfaithful - who are terrorizing certain people, true, but also watching out for each other after ending up down on their luck – and the general run of men in Ghost Valley, who are basically rotten sociopaths straight out of Batman’s rogues gallery and will sell you out in a minute for their own gain. Yes, this has been made fairly explicit in Wen Kexing’s and A-Xiang’s commentary in past eps and later in this ep about trying to get the Department of the Unfaithful out of the line of fire while not caring if the jianghu burns down the rest of Ghost Valley, but this isn’t just favoritism or a whim, just some fond memories of Luo Fumeng being kind to them a couple of times in the past. I think there’s some commentary here on the kind of men who are so far gone they find themselves outside the bounds of “civilized” society and the kind of women who do – how much easier and quicker it is for a woman, that it could be any woman in the wrong circumstances, and how much further gone a man has to be than a woman to be considered a “devil.” We’ve seen these supportive interpersonal relationships among the women since Gu Xiang “adopted” her two girls in the first handful of episodes and told off Lovelace with the threat of Tragicomic Ghost – and the show is continuing to show it, not just tell it. It’s one of the things I’ve found frustrating about Wen Kexing a couple of times in past eps, when he’s trying to get A-Xiang’s two girls, or other women from the Department, to just leave and go do something else – I feel like even though WKX realizes their circumstances and their personalities are different from the rest of his Top Ten Devils, he’s not fully comprehending that they literally have nowhere else to go, that if they had any other options, they wouldn’t have ended up there in the first place. He called the two girls “puppies” when he talked about A-Xiang having to take care of them, but as Ghost Valley master, who’s enforced the independence of and protections for the Department of the Unfaithful, he’s walking away from his own basketful of puppies. Not to mention, this is one of the vanishingly small places in this particular version of the jianghu that we’ve seen women have any autonomy and power. I … think there may have been a few young female cultivators in Yueyang Sect, but while I’d have to go back and watch to be sure, I remember the Hero’s Conference being a whole bunch of men throwing their … weight around. Anyway, I also love that it looks like A-Xiang tries to kick Happy Ghost in the shin, because of course she does.
Visually, they had a cool thing going on there with the Tian Chuang behind WKX falling in concert with WKX lowering his fan, but they didn’t quite coordinate it enough, and then they cut away too soon. Bah. It was set up to be a very cool visual, if only they had committed to it. Meanwhile Duan Pengju, this asshole, omg. He’s trying to pull off the Collar of Evil and is not succeeding. Srsly, his Collar of Evil is droopy. It doesn’t stop him from monologuing like he’s the actual villain and not some sad-sack lackey. You showed the correct amount of amused disdain during your interaction, but I can’t believe you left him alive at the end of it, Wen Kexing.
I wasn’t really feeling Jing Beiyuan and Wu Xi up until this ep when Jing Beiyuan was teasing A-Xiang about her lack of shame over running away with her lover. OK, fine, you can stay, Qi Ye. Also, wow. Speaking of lack of shame, I can’t believe you just accused your husband of bride kidnapping right in front of everyone’s salads, because that is totally what just happened there.
So the band is (almost all) back together, minus Chengling, who has definitely found out in the worst possible way that one of his dads is the terrifying master of the Ghost Valley that massacred his family and sect. So, this should go well.
Lol at Xie’er lounging in Wen Kexing’s Ghost Valley master seat like some kind of consort. He’s already got a husband, Xie’er. One that would not be happy with a concubine running around, I think. I do wonder what the full scope of their plan/understanding is, bubbling away under this stare-down.
A note – WKX’s hair is styled differently in this ep in the Ghost Valley master scenes than it has been before. Previously, those side bangs were further forward and a little bit chunkier, which, I think, narrowed his face and also helped emphasize the wild-eyed look. They’re wispier and back further, now, which I think softens his face, even when he’s trying to look imposing. Makes him look more, dare I say, human.
And now, I’m going to go have a few Han Ying/Bi Xingming thoughts, actually. God, those months after ZZS left, can you imagine what that was like for them? Han Ying having watched those nails placed in Bi Xingming’s shifu in the first ep, and then having to turn around and go to Bi Xingming and tell him that ZZS was gone, with the seven nails in him? Both of them trying to hold the Four Seasons Remnants together – and then Ying-ge comes back one day and says he’s found ZZS? Mutual aid and comfort, my dudes. Also some projection. I’m just sayin’. Meet me, I guess - this kind of sideline action and extremely rare pair thing is how I tend to roll.
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illgiveyouthesun19 · 2 years
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5 pm thoughts.
hello everyone, today is one of those days where i decided to write again. to be fair, i write everyday, i write my economics note, i write psychology nites but its all because it is necessary, it isnt what i truly want. what i truly want? i want to be able to write on laptop without the finger next to my middle finger rising and aching, i want to be able to write stories once again and be filled with ideas like a couple of years ago. but times change and so do people, a changed time and a changed person doesnt necessarily mean that theyve become better. perhpas, not all changes are good. the change and shift from real life to reel life that we all witnessed in these past 2 years wasnt all that good for everyone but it certainly teach me alot of things.
things about myself, about the people around me, interpersonal as well as intrapersonal relationship and although i want to say it has shaped me into what i am today, i cant say this with happiness.
because the person i am today, this person sleeps 18 hours a day and relies on other people to give her some sense of motivation and meaning in life, maybe it is because i am lost and confused but maybe its just that i dont want to try and fail. but the person before, she never slept and was always on the move but then again, she wouldnt just sit in metro and look at people while contemplating life or spend 40 mins, walking 6 kms just so she can find an auto to take her home.
life has changed. i am 17 and in my senior year, i have my first final in 15 days but i am sitting here oversharing on tumblr, maybe a year from now, i will be in the university i want to go to or maybe, i'll be just another girl who didnt try hard enough and will regret wasting these precious moments before the important days. but maybe i already regret everything ive done so far and maybe that's why i sleep so much, i dont want to make another mistake that will affect me for so long. one of the biggest mistake ive ever made is perhaps liking a guy. because once you start, there's no going back. i let myself flow and my chances of becoming better at studies slipped away right in front of me whilst i was crying over that guy. that was in 9th grade, freshman year and now in 12th grade, senior year and a couple of guys later, i feel like my whole life is getting affected by these few simple mistakes i've made during puberty and even though ive protected myself from catching feelings for a guy or girl this past one year, i managed to open a small business and fuck up my studies once again. i am eternally grateful for my small business but without the studies, i wont be able to run away from this soul sucking place where you have to get married by 27 or have a kid before 35 and respect the people who belittle you and be nice and respectful and act in a manner even if your parents are okay with the way you're, you have to think of the society. and i absolutely hate it. i never mention anything about marriage and all that and i am thankful my parents dont either, because they want me to be financially independent and make something of myself before i even think of settling down with someone, i think this stems from the fact that both of them are unhappy in their own marriage but again, the society. but i am screaming and crying internally everytime a cousin says i will get married before my elder cousin brother does, why would i get married before he does even though hes 3 years older? oh because youre a girl. and i might as well have to, even if my parents are liberal and my whole family is, i am still scared of getting married before i have reached my potential and sat in cafes in paris and smoked cigrettes in new york or shopped at a book store in notting hill, i am scared and i might as well not be able to do it if i dont get grades and good marks in the exams starting 15 days from now. but what if i give it all and still fail? because even then my dad will be like you didnt try hard enough and i will have to settle for a less nice college, an average degree and life and i wont be able to make it because there are already a dozen amount of people who think i am just another girl with dreams and maybe i am but i wish i wasnt. i dont want to be a failure and i dont have anything to share all this with because i have a supersitioun that if i talk about something with someone, it gets jinxéd and i am fucking scared of that too, i am going through life with 2k followers on instagram but like 3 friends in real life, no one to really say they love me, love me truly not because they're related by blood or contioned to but because they choose to love me, grades that are going down, parents that should seprate but wont and a body that wont decide if its fat or not, an eating disorder and an average small business. look, maybe my glass is half empty but it was never full to begin with.
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mozukumi · 2 years
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NOOO HELP BANRI GETS DEFEATED BY CHILDREN TWO TIMES i also love his thought process in act 5 "this is kinda cringe"
also omi being the traitor _×:$,$;,×;%,×:÷; THAT SCENE WITH OMI AND TAICHI... and i can also imagine taichi talking him through the entire "fall from grace" thingy because he was also involved in tenma's scandal. i also imagine that the everyone (mostly) in this au would probably realize that he was Gang Leader, sooner or later
TENMA ;A; thinking of his arc in this au makes me so emo... i wonder what his arc is
AND SAKYOHOMA BEING THE SAME AGE 👁👁 rich private school kid homare hanging out with local delinquent (no one knows how they even get along, but they do, somehow)
AUGUST THE THEATER PARENT... i like to imagine a small scenario where they aren't secret agents and august is your very supportive but also very annoying parent who always shows up with flowers after every show! another scenario in my head is izumi/azuma forgetting something so chikage/hisoka dress up in their spare uniforms and break into school to give their stuff to them ("hey tachibana, someone's asking for you" "???... hiso—" "izumi, you forgot your lunch! director wanted to give it to you ;)" "...thanks.")
i can also imagine izumi/azuma following after itaru/tsumugi/tasuku in their universities and just hanging out in college ahvfbenbfnenc
AND AND WHAT IF THEY KINDA LET GUY ATTEND SCHOOL FOR A BIT... kind of like to let him experience a normal life, and because banri cannot have more than 2 kids running around free during school days since people are suspicious already
MASUMI ACTIVELY TRYING TO BREAK AWAY FROM WHAT HE GREW UP IN... i assume he's still technically rich as fuck, so he spoils the kids with affection and whatever material thing they need, all while learning how to be a better person GWVDBSBXVXJXB
i also find it mildly funny that omi, tsuzuru, misumi, and kazunari are roughly around the same age. also, consider a slightly brattier citron because he actually gets to be a kid in this, right before he completely squashes down the childish part in him...
- 🌸
as always, anon, your thoughts are so smart and correct that i require a readmore to fully elaborate on them!
for context, this is in regard to the mAnkAi swAp au, which you can find more info about here!
i love banri settsu, i do. but i also think he needs to be humbled. he may be playing on super ultra easy mode, but 16 year olds have a fun cheat code called Rage so they can beat it <3
YEAH EXACTLY.... EXACTLY... ITS THE BROTHERISMS... Taichi sees himself in Omi, and knows deep down that he can't condemn him because that'd make him a hypocrite, and just tries to comfort him and tell him that he's not irredeemable.
TENMAS ARC IN THIS AU IS ALSO SMTH THAT STIRS WITHIN ME. it's not quite finalized yet but i am sure it will be very much to think about.
the summer troupe in general - while swaps in the spring and autumn troupe mainly focus on the changes in interpersonal dynamics, both the summer troupe and the winter troupe have the whole troupe dynamic changed. so its really fun!
SAKYO AND HOMARE BEING FRIENDS SO TRUE... i agree i think that like. banri might worry that they actually kind of hate each other and he does the whole sit in a chair backwards lets talk deal and theyre like ? no we're besties idk what your problem is.
BOTH OF THESE AUS ARE SO IMPORTANT. also wait to scaffold off of your first idea, to make it work in a still-spy au and to mirror canon - instead of hisoka getting ominous flowers from chikage, he gets secret flowers from august after every show. and everybody is like omg hisoka do you have a secret admirer : O and hisoka knows its just his damn dad.
AND THE IDEA OF THEM SNEAKING INTO SCHOOL TO BRING STUFF IS BOTH FUNNY AND IMPORTANT IT MAKES ME JNKHGNHG. it's sweet but also hilarious which is exactly the content i want from this au so thank you so much for blessing me.
YES i want them all to have fun at university together : ) trying to figure out where they canonically went to university (fuyou for tasutsumu and we dont know for the others) made me learn that masumi goes to the same university as them!! so maybe masumi helped them all study for the exams... sneefle...
YEAH SO TRUE VIS A VIS GUY. i actually am thinking that after he gets settled in he ought to enroll in st flora, because i think that the vibe of that school would be good for him, plus he'd be classmates with homare, plus he'd be in his little catholic boy uniform and i think that'd be cute.
and YEAH. masumis arc is so... he is still rich, altho probably not as much in canon since he's cut off his father. but he's a well-known music producer, so he's not doing too bad for himself.
I ALSO FIND THE PPL WHO STAY AROUND THE SAME AGE TO BE A LIL FUNNY, but i suppose that's their own fault for being mid-age huh. major changes to them are:
- kazunaris mullet is longer im sorry
- tsuzuru has frosted tips now im sorry
- misumi was an actor in the original summer troupe ! not like, in the original original cast, but when one member had to retire he joined in at around 17.
- omi erm. perhaps godza traitor era
and its exactly like you said with citron!! and speaking of him he NO longer has a mullet which is a big win
as always, tysm anon!!
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franniebanana · 3 years
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CQL Rewatch - Episode 10
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Confession time: I don’t like Xue Yang. I appreciate him for all his villain-y villain-ness, but I don’t like the character. I find him kind of annoying in this series, because they just have him so over-the-top nasty all the time. He’s like a caricature of a person. Granted, I haven’t watched the Yi City arc, because, as I think I said before, I read it and once was enough. So the other thing that kind of bothers me here is that we have two villains vying for screen time: Xue Yang and Wen Chao (Wen Chao obviously gets more)—and I guess it’s a bit much. Like, it’s not enough that Wen Chao is on their heels, trying to get the Yin Iron from them, so we need to add this scene where they watch someone else fight Xue Yang. That’s another thing that’s kind of goofy. Why put Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji in this scene at all when they barely do anything? Wei Wuxian uses Binding/Bonding to stop Xue Yang from getting away, but that’s the only real contribution.
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See? This is what they do for the first ten minutes of the episode. This could have been told to them or shown in a flashback easily. Easily. There’s other things we see in flashbacks that are arguably more important than this capturing of Xue Yang and introduction to Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. With a lot of things, I’m like, if it was good enough in the book, then it’s good enough in CQL. At a certain point, I have to wonder if they just felt like they needed a fight scene in every episode. Director/writers were like, we gave you that scene with the chicken, now let’s get back to the action scenes! This is my personal preference, but I don’t mind being told some things, versus being shown everything. Like, it’s okay to hide some things from the audience so that they payoff is better at the time its revealed. (I will be forever bitter about how the headband meaning was revealed right away—that was such a great moment in the book, and I feel like CQL robbed the audience of that).
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I feel like this is the only part in the whole series where they hint at anyone being gay, and it comes in the form of Xue Yang accusing Wei Ying of touching him inappropriately (basically, I’m not going back to check the subtitles). It would have been funny for Wei Ying to kind of play along with that, but censorship (rip)—I do like his line about how no one can best him in being cheeky, though.
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I’ve never been happier to see Nie Huaisang, because that means we’re finally moving on to something else. Woohoo! Let’s go to Qinghe!
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I like here how the distinction is made between people who are in clans and people who aren’t. I also like the set-up of how WangXian is similar to Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan: we cultivate together because we have similar goals and ethics, and that they are respected doing that.
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And it’s interesting how Jiang Cheng says how it’s an honor to meet those two, but when Wei Wuxian says that he and Lan Wangji went on a night hunt for the same reasons, Jiang Cheng scorns them. He implies such a thing is enough to not let him back into Lotus Cove. I guess he doesn’t extend that same courtesy to Wei Wuxian, which is not surprising. I really like Jiang Cheng as a character, but he struggles with having good relationships. His interpersonal skills aren’t great. I mean, just look at him at the end—irreconcilable damage has been done to his relationship with Wei Wuxian. Can they be civil to each other? Of course! Do I think they’re really ever going to be friends and brothers again? I sincerely doubt it. And this isn’t all Jiang Cheng’s fault or anything; I think it’s mutual, and both of them parted on good terms, but the understanding is that they may never cross paths again. Honestly, that’s what I like about Jiang Cheng—I like that he’s complicated and is stubborn and his pride is important to him; I like that he’s jealous and will hold a grudge forever—that’s what makes him interesting to me. And I love the theme that choices were made, and you can’t go back to how things were. I love that this series/book shows that blood isn’t thicker than water, that sometimes it isn’t enough just to be family—that there are things that can destroy those kinds of bonds, but that that isn’t the end. You can start over—and if anyone gets to start over, it’s certainly Wei Wuxian. Went off on a tangent there, sorry.
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I like how much they act like friends here. It’s just so relaxed, so intimate. Just the two of them, because all the others have walked away, including Jiang Cheng. If I didn’t know the story, I’d be wondering why it seemed like Wei Wuxian is closer to Lan Wangji than Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng scoffs at him, while Lan Wangji embraces Wei Wuxian’s words, and he’s only known him six months or so. It’s quite telling. I’m glad I’m rewatching this, because there are so many moments I’ve forgotten about that are really nice (I’ve watched the special edition cut about twice, and a lot is cut out, as you know).
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Another moment I forgot about: Wei Wuxian standing up for Xue Yang. Not, of course, because he thinks he’s a good man, but because he doesn’t think they should execute a man when they don’t have all the facts. I like the contrast between his way of thinking and Nie Mingjue’s, who is quick to anger, stressed out, and ready to take everything out on Xue Yang. It’s understandable that he wants to just end Xue Yang, considering the threats from the Wen Clan, plus word on the street is that Xue Yang murdered an entire clan, albeit a small one. Nie Mingjue is worried about his own clan, not to mention the Gusu Lan Clan, who he specifically asks about when greeting Lan Wangji. He feels the impending threat from the Wen Clan and he’s not about to take it lying down.
And then you have Wei Wuxian defending a man who in his eyes is innocent until proven guilty. Like I said earlier, I think they all know Xue Yang murdered all those people, but I do like the fact that Wei Wuxian tries to push Nie Mingjue into making a more reasonable choice: waiting until they have all the facts. It’s a nice foreshadowing of what’s to come with Wei Wuxian himself, where most people aren’t willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
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Look at that smile! aldslkf
Okay, so first Lan Wangji hears something on his roof, so he grabs Bichen and prepares for a fight. Then he hears Wei Wuxian mumbling drunkenly about how the tiles are rougher in Qinghe than in Gusu, and that little smile forms on his lips. It’s so quick—blink and you’ll miss it. His expression is so soft, so warm, so gentle. Think about this—six months ago, he would have leapt on that roof to go fight Wei Wuxian, and now his reaction is this honeyed smile, reserved at this point only for Wei Wuxian. I mean, have you seen him smile for anyone else? Okay, fine—he smiled at the rabbits too. So the great Lan Wangji only smiles for bunnies and Wei Wuxian.
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And I think he really regrets leaving like this. They’ve built up this relationship—this rapport—with one another, and Lan Wangji ends up leaving in the night, basically without a word. Wei Wuxian is too drunk to even know he’s there (if I’m not mistaken, Wei Wuxian calls for him, thinking that’s he’s still inside). Lan Wangji doesn’t know what’s ahead—everything is uncertain: the Wen Clan has ordered all major clans to send one inner disciple to be indoctrinated immediately, there is the issue of the Yin Iron (and Lan Wangji still has a piece of it), not to mention people like Xue Yang who might be roaming around causing trouble on the Wens’ behalf. Lan Wangji is certainly fearful for his home and his people, worried about the Yin Iron going to the wrong hands, likely worried about Wei Wuxian just in general, and regretting leaving him high and dry. This is such a sad moment, and maybe it’s just me feeling that way. It always leaves me with a lump in my throat. I also think it mirrors a later scene where Lan Wangji is on the roof and Wei Wuxian is leaving.
Also that fucking wangxian.mp3 playing in the background for this whole part—of course I’m going to get emotional!
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Perfect response: Wasn’t me!
I mean, couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy, though. The captain was such an asshole, and I don’t blame Jin Guangyao one bit for what he did. That man emotionally and verbally abused him I’m sure on a daily basis. Not saying that murder is the answer to your problems, but in this made-up fantasy world that is CQL/MDZS, that guy fucking deserved it.
I also like how even though Nie Mingjue is super pissed and upset by what Jin Guangyao did, he still catches him when he gets run through, and he’s absolutely torn up about banishing him. It’s pretty powerful when it cuts back to him in his idk throne room (whatever you’d call that, I know it’s not a throne room, whatever) and everything is smashed up. Like, this man is enraged. The last thing he wanted to do was banish Jin Guangyao, but he had to. He couldn’t keep a man like that around. Jin Guangyao, by murdering the captain, had lost Nie Mingjue’s trust. Not to mention, who let Xue Yang out? Was it Jin Guangyao? Nie Mingjue doesn’t know; in his mind, Jin Guangyao could have been responsible for that too.
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So, I actually really don’t like this. Wen Chao has already spilled the beans on the “evil Gusu Lan Clan” earlier, implying that they did, in fact, stand up to the Wens, and now he says outright that they sent forces to Gusu to burn the place to the ground. I hate that they tell us this! It’s so much better in the book when you don’t know what’s going on until Wei Wuxian finds out at the indoctrination! This is one of the most annoying things about Untamed—they spoil all the big secrets right away. In the book, the big secrets hit so much better when they’re finally revealed. It’s honestly a great feeling that the payoff is so good. Watching Untamed, I was just like, what?! Don’t tell them yet! Like the headband?! Argh!! Yes, we got that one good scene, but I would have traded that for what happens in the book (of course, the whole being tied up with the headband probably wouldn’t have made it into the tv series…). [NB: I laughed when I was reading over this again and saw that I’d already brought up the headband. Sore spot lol.]
But also, does Wei Wuxian not look worried enough here or is it just me? I feel like he should be more concerned. Even though he has the utmost confidence in Lan Wangji’s skill, he’s just one young man up against a huge force from the Wen Clan.
Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
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hazzabeeforlou · 4 years
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Fine Line Masterpost:
A breakdown, musically and lyrically 
In Fine Line, ‘raw honesty’ doesn’t really mean delving into the details of who Harry Styles is sleeping with, but rather it’s a glimpse into the world of a 25-year-old who is both deeply in love and who fucks up a lot; he’s given to sugary supplications, is plagued by jealousy, pouts at consequences, and struggles with understanding an inner self that keeps prodding him towards exploration of his identity.  
The album is constructed to be consumed by various factions of the fandom. There’s no getting away from the surface dedication of HS2 as an ode to a blonde supermodel with a delicious French accent whose new boyfriend’s father owns a gallery, a girl who has golden hair and blue eyes. I won’t be arguing that away, because it’s intentional, it’s meant to be the surface layer. 
The mantle is not the crust, though. Taken individually, each song can be seen as speaking to the queer experience in varied and complex ways, and I’ve seen some truly beautiful explorations of this angle. Especially with TPWK and FL, the anthemic solidarity with queer experience is astounding and gorgeous. I think it’s no accident that this broad take holds true as we zoom in and look at the complex details; Harry has written songs that speak both to this meaning and also hold incredibly personal and intimate significance between him and a partner (in this post we’ll call them Subject). 
I will be focusing on the album as a cohesive narrative in the context of it’s chronological, linear progression. Fine Line details an incredibly personal struggle; it’s a love letter, an at times embarrassing, self-loathing reflection on a love gone wrong, a love struggling, an emerging self, and a hope redeemed. 
Please feel free to ask questions if any of the technical stuff is confusing, but please also remember that these are my opinions, coupled with my analysis as a professional musician (meaning, hopefully I’m remembering those torturous years of theory dictation correctly!) 
Side A 
All four songs share an off-kilter-ness, a restless, unsettled, frantic feeling, as if Harry is balancing, undecided between throwing himself at the feet of the one he loves or pulling away. This is no illusion; the tonic base is missing from each song save WS (but even here the tonic is sabotaged in our ear, as we’ll discuss). We’re on a journey to side B; we start with a hope that sweet memories and lust can salvage love, and we end with Harry going his own way.
Golden: There are only two chords in this song, DM and CM7, the V and IV7 of the implied tonic, G Major. We never get to tonic though. We never touch that home base. The songs “da da da’s” give it a happier, peppier illusion than the text reveals. 
Harry is already broken, already reflecting and hopeless as the song begins. His intended listener, Subject - the sun, the golden one - waits for him in the sky, and is all he’s ever known. Subject has always browned his skin just right, but now, Harry reflects, perhaps has been too bright for him. (Is some aspect of Harry buried in the brilliance of Subject’s light?) This golden Subject is scared, though, scared Harry is so open. Harry doesn’t want to be alone, but he also needs to peel back edges of himself previously unexplored. Stepping into and away from light is a major theme for Harry, and this opening song sets that precedent. Subject is scared because “hearts get broken,” but Harry’s heart is already broken, so perhaps this refers not to interpersonal heartbreak, but situational. Harry recognizes he’s “out of his head...” BUT, he counters, “Loving you’s the antidote!” He naively gushes out poetry while Subject remains unconvinced. We establish an impasse. 
Watermelon Sugar: The Dm - Cm - Am6 - GM chord progression is an odd one; my best guess is that the song is in D minor, so the progression is: 
i, VII, v, IV
 That’s not typical in a minor key. Usually the leading tone note (in this case a C) is raised (so C#) making the five chord Major (V) not minor (v) and the seven chord diminished (viio) not Major (VII). also the Major IV ignores the B flat in the key signature of D minor and instead uses B natural. So all this to say that the tonic base STILL doesn’t feel like a tonic home, because the normalcy around the key signature is erased. Everything still feels unsettled, unresolved. 
Much has been made of the oral sex interpretation, so, ya. This is a song about remembering the best of times, a prayer to Subject, a plea for summertime and bellies and strawberries, and a feeling Harry is desperate to get back. 
Adore You: The three chords in this song, Cm - BbM - AbM, imply an E flat Major key, so vi, V, IV, respectively. The tonic, Eb (I), is (once again) never used, and instead vi, V, IV circle without ever coming to rest. 
Subject, “Honey,” creates a rainbow paradise. This is another love letter to Subject, let me adore you, I’ll walk through fire for you, you don’t have to say anything just listen to me, you don’t have to say you love me too, just please, please... you’ve been on my mind. Let me adore you like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do. By this wording, Harry admits that adoring Subject is not the only thing he ever does, yet he wishes Subject to remember, or imagine, this false reality. 
Lights Up: We’re in C Major here, with the chords Am - GM - FM, creating the same exact chord progression as Adore You, vi, V, IV. We (yet again!) never reach the tonic of C Major. It’s a constant tease of resolution, but there’s no solid home base. We’re suspended in limbo. 
Subject is “sorry, btw.” What does that mean, Harry asks? Sorry we’re here in this place, that this is happing? This song is Harry’s declaration: he’s not staying, he’s not coming back down. It would be sweet if things stayed the same, but no, I’m stepping into the light. “All the lights couldn’t put out the dark”... even all the golden sun of Subject couldn’t heal the void in Harry’s soul?  Harry asks subject, do you know who you are? implying that he’s determined to answer this for himself. I’m reminded of the crab in Moana, singing “Shiny.” There’s a certain bravado here, a reckless glittery happiness, a flaunting, an exuberance in discovery. 
Side B 
Tonics are all over the place. Harry is certainly certain about heartbreak. No ambiguity here. 
Cherry: GM - Em - CM, or  I, vi, IV. We’re in G Major and we know it. Repetitive “cou-cos’s” pepper the track like hanging fruit (let’s imagine from cherry trees). 
The song is a simple one, simple in its jealousy. Harry has let Subject go, and now Subject is at their best... and Harry hates it. He doesn't want his former pet term of endearment used on another, even though he has no claim on Subject’s actions anymore. Harry keeps finding bits of Subject in how he dresses. They’re not talking lately, and Harry perhaps is most upset that this separation isn’t going how he planned... Subject is at their best without him. 
The gallery line is inserted as a bridge, a unique line of music rather separate from the rest, an intentional narrative. But what’s most fascinating is the end of the song. The previous repetitive chord progression changes. Now we have 
GM - AM7 (an added C#) - Am7 (4/2 inversion) - GM
or I, II7, ii7, I
The “cou-cou” lands during the AM7 (the II7) and it lands EXACTLY on the note of B, extending the 7th chord to a ninth chord, before, on its second syllable, dropping to the A and holding there (a kind of suspension) while the chord progression resolves to the Am7 (ii7), making the A a chord tone. This is deliberate. Unless the whole piece was harmonically built around Camille’s random use of a B to A in a voicemail (also randomly in the perfect key for Harry’s voice) this was purposely recorded for aesthetic effect. I for one really love it, I could listen to breathy french girls mutter about beaches endlessly...
Falling: A straightforward progression. In the key of E Major,
 EM - C#m - BM - AM or I, vi, V, IV
With Falling, the only ballade on the album, we see Harry shift from jealousy to self destructive behavior. I don’t believe the ‘wandering hands’ line is about cheating (he and Subject were already apart) but rather, Harry seeking to wound Subject by turning to others. Communication is back open, because Subject says they care, they miss him too, but now Harry’s gone and fucked it all up. What have I become? What if Subject never needs me again? I can’t unpack the baggage they left. I just want Subject AROUND! Harry isn’t even begging for a romantic connection, he’s simply begging for Subject’s presence. He was so sure he could discover himself in LU, and now he keeps asking, what am I now? Who has he become on his own? He’s falling, and there’s no one to catch him. 
To Be So Lonely: This song waffles between two keys, just as Harry waffles between defending himself to Subject and finally, finally admitting (in just one small line) that he is, in fact, sorry. The song seems to start out in C Major, with CM and Am chords (I, iv) but then at the chorus the Am chord elides from a iv to a i, revealing the key is really A minor. The chorus goes on to be:
Am - GM - Em - FM 
or i, VII (lowered leading tone in minor), v (lowered leading tone in minor), VI
A fluttering mandolin mimics a fluttering heartbeat, and a folk music lilt gives the song a certain feel of heartbreak. 
Harry asks for Subject to not blame the drunk caller, likely himself. Harry was away. He missed Subject. He was just a little boy when he fell, and presumably Subject caught him that time. Subject is trying to be friends, they mean well, perhaps have taken pity on him, but Harry cannot stand to be called baby now, not when that name doesn’t mean what it used to, not when it’s a hollow word. Harry’s ‘home’ is suddenly a lonely place, but Subject has his reasons for how he’s acted, presumably good ones, and finally Harry gives his mea culpa, “this is it, so I’m sorry.” 
Interestingly, only after admitting that he’s made mistakes too, that he’s not perfect, that he shares the blame, does Harry confront and open himself to the realization contained in the next song, the heart of the album and the crux of what Harry’s been dancing around up until this point. 
She: In E minor, both verse and chorus use the same progression:
Em - DM - CM - Am - (Bm, a quick lead-in to) - Em 
 or i, II, VI, iv, v (no raised leading tone), i 
This Bowie-esc sounding song is the first to have characters. In addition to the Subject (perennially addressed as ‘You’) there is The Man and She. I would argue The Man and She are both Harry, a duality. The man drops his kids off at school, the man is thinking of You, like all of us do (everyone thinks of their SO perhaps). The Man goes through mundane daily tasks, but is he faking it? Does he really know what to do? He’s playing pretend, so pretend. 
Now Harry introduces She. (When speaking of She, Harry sings in a high falsetto.) She lives in daydreams, she is the first one he sees, and Harry doesn’t know who She is. A Woman just in his head, who sleeps in his (a jump up to the falsetto for just this one word in the verse) bed while he plays pretend. Much has been said about the gender/fluidity discovery in this song, and by better than me. It’s clear what Harry is saying, it’s clear what he’s going through and wrestling with. He’s thinking of Subject, but also haunted by She, in his head, in his mind’s eye, in his daydreams. She is a part of Harry, and Harry wants to know who She is. 
Side C
Uncomplicated tonics! All Major! A shift into happiness perhaps? 
Sunflower: F Major. BbM - FM - CM, or IV, I, V.  The bridge is fancy:
iii, IV, V, vi, I, V vi, V (vi?) V 
Some trippie hippie song from the 60s! Two lines of thought are apparent from the get go; Harry says he wants to get to know Subject, but then says “before I got to know you.” It’s as if this is a new beginning, like he and Subject are starting over. Much is made of the ‘seed’ thing, a metaphor for new life and rebirth, “plant new seeds in the melody.” Harry is trying hard not to talk to Subject, to not seem eager, not act a fool. He was just tongue tied, then he’s still tongue tied, implying he’s done this whole dance before. He implores Subject to hold their sweet memories: domestic times, kitchens, kids. In Golden, Subject was the sun. Now Subject is a sunflower, hung up high in the gallery, out of the shade, in the light a sunflower needs to thrive, into the light, step into the light. Little gasps from Harry interject throughout; is he surfacing from water (LU music video?), is he breathing between kisses, is he suddenly gifted new life like Gandalf atop Isengard? The end of the piece devolves into calls of unbridled, nonsensical joy, like birds song, like mating calls amongst brilliant plumage. 
Canyon Moon: D Major. DM - GM - AM - DM (I, IV, V, I)
 Bridge DM - (Em transit?) - AM - DM (I, (ii), V, I) 
Chorus DM - AM - DM - GM (I, V6, I6, IV) 
Perhaps the most straightforward tonic bound song of the album. Harry is missing Subject, but it’s a happy nostalgia now, a hopeful one, a “two weeks and I’ll be home.” Home is no longer a lonely place, like in TBSL. The world is happy waiting (there’s no rush? No need to have everything figured out?). “Doors yellow, broken, blue.” You can’t bribe the door on the way to the sky a sky where Harry’s Golden sun awaits him, and now the sky door is broken, busted through, that blue door to a blue sky that never looked so blue. 
We get another glimpse of She here; Subject remains You, Harry remains Harry, but there’s also a She who plays old hippies’ love songs and pretends to know the words; perhaps this is another Camille reference for narrative purposes, but I lean more towards this being another reference to She as Harry, exploring odd new music he’s never heard, trying not to be so pretentious about it but failing. (He’s such an Aquarius.) Most charmingly of all, the single whistler becomes two by the end of the song. 
Treat People With Kindness: F Major. This is the most interesting piece in terms of text painting. 
We start with CM6 - FM, then FM6/4 - BbM, then back to CM6 - FM, then we hold on the Am chord, and then repeat the whole thing. So analyzed in F Major this would be V6, I, I6/4, IV, V6, I, iii. 
But. By using the I6 to IV, Harry plays with the idea of a V of IV, where you take the IV chord of the key and pretend it has its own dominant (V) and use the V of IV not as the I chord normally is used, but as a Leading Tone chord to IV. 
ALL THAT TO SAY. He’s illustrating the lyrics. During “Maybe we can find a place” the chords are playing with dual resolutions. Where is the actual tonic? Is it F Major or B Flat Major? It’s ambiguous! We don’t know! We haven’t found our place yet! 
But then! The bridge. “And if we’re here long enough” and look where we land, on a CM chord, then BbM, then FM, a solid V, IV, I progression. And THEN (bless this boy) on the word belong we get the same A minor chord (the iii) but we get a 7th added to the chord, a G, and Harry holds this G in the melody (plant new seeds in the melody), a note that VERY MUCH DOES NOT BELONG because in no universe does a iii chord in Major have a 7th added! And Harry not only ADDS but draws attention to this note, this note that doesn’t belong!!! Then this iii7 chord resolves to C Major (V), making the G note a chord tone, making it BELONG, making it fit perfectly. 
GOD. Weep with me. 
This is Over the Rainbow. This is Hair, this is Age of Aquarius. Somewhere there’s a place we can belong and feel good and people will celebrate and rejoice in us, someday a new age will dawn. 
Harry is plunging into the deep end, dreaming, caught up in his good feelings and his euphoria in being “given second chances.” He’s tentative about admitting reckless hope to Subject; instead he says, “Maybe we can find a place to feel good?” Harry says he doesn’t need all the answers. He said in LU “do you know who you are” then in Falling “What am I now?” then in She “I don't know who she is” and now he’s at peace. He feels good in his skin, and he will keep on dancing. 
Most personally, I think the sudden somber turn of the line “If our friends all pass away” is in reference to grief. He’s speaking to Subject, but also to himself. It will be okay, okay, okay. Harry can’t control his life, he doesn’t have everything figured out, but he’s come to accept that. 
Side D
Fine Line: D Major. We come full circle, returning to the use of only three chords like at the start of the album. This time, though, Harry resolves to tonic in a repetitive pattern used for both the verses and chorus: 
Bm, GM7, DM6/4, or vi, IV7, I
FL is the summation of the album, the thesis statement, the conclusion of the journey. Harry has endured tests of patience, and accepted that there are things he’ll never know. He’s trying to shake off trepidation (of plunging in the deep end? Of hoping?). He says “My hand’s at risk, I fold.” The poker analogy is an interesting one; Subject (presumably) has gotten past Harry’s poker face, has sussed out his fronts and acts and strategies, and Harry is left bare and exposed, vulnerable before them. He’s been brought to this point, but willingly he folds. He laments that “spreading you open is the only way of knowing you.” We should open up before it’s all too much. Harry is done fighting. He’s also done sleeping in the dirt. For the first time he’s not sugar-coating his words, avoiding their problems via sex and pretense and flowery language. He’s matured enough to admit, “Man, I hate you sometimes.”
Again we have the reappearance of She. Harry says to Subject, “We’ll get the drinks in, so I’ll get to thinking of her.” This She is something between them, within them now, another facet of his and Subject’s relationship. Harry is going to spend time thinking of Her. She, I believe, is a part of him. 
A fine line is a balancing act, a tightrope, a suspension between extremes. But Harry calls out into the echo of the music, “We’ll be alright.” A declaration, a hope, a promise. Brass, strings, and a building crescendo, a cacophony of movie-credit-worthy emotion, sweeps us towards closure. Ethereal voices fade out, moving from dominant to tonic, but then a solitary piano plinks on a V chord, twice, hanging in the air, a question, an invitation, a hope. 
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katsukikitten · 4 years
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Going down?
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NSFW BBS
To say you were the luckiest and yet most unlucky person in the world would be an understatement.
You were a living, breathing contradiction considering the quirk you have and where you've ended up.
Most people are envious, even jealous of the position you have.
A secretary to both of the top two number one heroes!
You were lucky, your little meek self landed the spot wholly by accident.
On a train ride bumping into the Director of the agency by mere fucking chance, agitating your already hyper active quirk.
For a moment time slows, you do not have much time to inform him of what is happening.
The train doors will be shutting soon, sealing his fate and losing out on something big.
Detrimental to the company even.
"Oh um, excuse me sir." You stammer, lowly enough that he does not hear you, "Sir?"
You breathe in deeply trying once more as his fingers fly across the lit glass in his hands.
"S...sir?" He is too distracted by whomever is on the other side to notice you.
In your mind's eye you see the train director reaching for the button for the doors. Anxiety rips through your body only to be out won by your fear.
Fear of small mistakes leading to much bigger disasters.
"SIR! YOU'RE ON THE TRAIN HOME! YOU NEED TO BE ON TRAIN D OR YOU'LL MISS THE MEETING YOU'VE FORGOTTEN!" You huff, hands shaking as the man stares down at you with a mix of horror and awe.
All before he grips onto your wrist dragging you along with him.
And that's how you became secretary to Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki.
Better known as Deku and Ground Zero.
One made your life heavenly, touching them, seeing them and the details of their work and interpersonal lives was easy. The fact that you had a crush on them made it even better.
While the other, well the other made your life a living hell. Considered you too meek and seemed to hate your guts with a burning intensity that rivaled the heated gaze in his eyes.
Again you were the luckiest and yet most unlucky person alive.
You stare at the screen as your quirk has you hyper fixated on the janitor's next few hours of possible futures and unnecessary details of his life all because he brushed your fingers while passing you something you've dropped.
"Y/N." Deku calls softly and you cannot hear him, "Y/N."
He steps towards your desk just outside of the two opposing offices, leaning closer to you.
"Y/N." It comes out like liquid honey, and your gut flutters. You flush bright red as you blink furiously.
"I.. I'm sorry. Oh! Izuku-sama you need to be leaving in the next five minutes or you'll be late for your..." You struggle when you see it.
The beautiful woman with short chesnut hair sitting in a chair at an upscale restaurant in a deep pink dress.
Showing off her curves and her breasts in a tasteful manner.
Your heart sinks to your stomach like a brick, weighing heavy as you realize what is happening and suddenly you are crushed
The word date cannot escape your lips so you clear your throat.
"Your day is free tomorrow until 4pm and nothing extra will come up." You add instead and he nods.
"Thank you Y/N." He smiles sweetly before beginning to leave, "Don't stay too late okay?"
"Oh and um Izuku-sama...."
"Yes?" He stops turning back to face you. He did not mind you looking into his personal life.
Or at least never said anything agaisnt it.
"Please be sure to charge your phone on the way there. Other wise it will die and you won't be able to capture a special moment." You say softly, unable to keep eye contact with those shining emeralds.
It hurt too much to.
You could have kept it to yourself, or forced yourself not to look like you have to do with thathot head but...but if his phone would have died..
He would be missing the picture that would lead to them dating.
"Thanks Y/N." He says smiling so brightly before turning on his heel.
All the while you try to forget about the kiss they share after their failed selfie.
He leaves without another word and you stare after him longingly.
That is before your quirk pulls you to the only other body on the floor.
He'll be running out of coffee soon and he will be angry, distracted even to have to leave his desk when he is finally making some progress on his paper work.
The coffee pot in the break room is finishing up at the perfect time thanks to the director's secretary. You pull out Bakugou's second favorite mug from your desk and stand.
Before stopping as you relive a memory.
"Quit using your quirk to spy on me."
His snarl so dark and upsetting that you could no longer attend the hero ceremony.
You begin to pack your things instead. Bakugou won't be in a good mood for the rest of the evening on top of that nothing is happening and even if something was he wouldn't want your help anyway.
You hesitate, only for a moment, maybe he would want that cup of coffee. You stare at the mug as if it would have answers but it would never know.
Just like you wouldn't, unless you touched him.
And he would never allow that.
So you shrug your purse higher on your shoulder before heading to the elevator.
Your press the button and count loudly in your head to help calm your nerves.
Inanimate objects are almost as difficult as people if you don't touch the right part of them.
You know at some point this thing is going to break down and get stuck between floors.
You just don't know when.
Why not take the stairs?
Well the stairs had a worse outcome.
"It's only possibilities Maybe futures."
You try to remind yourself.
What you dont remind yourself of is your 95% accuracy rate.
The elevator dings pulling you to the here and now.
You step into the shiny death trap with smooth tiles and walls that reflect your fearful face.
Bland music takes up the space in the background as your eyes fly over the seemingly endless buttons.
You hit G and the elevator dings again before shuttering as the doors begin to close.
They never get the chance to close, instead a toned forearm is hit by the two sheets of steel before the safety feature forces the doors back open.
You freeze like a mouse caught by two shining eyes in the dark.
Burning red eyes.
"Tch." He sucks his teeth as he steps in, standing to the far side of the elevator.
You look at him expectedly, waiting for an answer on the floor he needs and when none is given you assume he is leaving for the day too.
The elevator begins its descent to the safety of the garage.
But not quickly enough.
Numbers flash on a panel with an annoying ding that inturpts the flat music, your eyes stare at the white digits watching them shrink.
As you feel yourself shrink as you always do beneath that gaze. The details of his life creep in first and you try your best to focus on something else.
Izuku comes to mind and with it, wonder on how he date is going, your heart pulls harshly on the muscles in your chest.
The failed selfie is happening right now and they should be kissing soon.
You hold onto your purse tighter and the digits read 22.
Suddenly the descending box of steel groans before jerking causing you to lose your balance.
You begin to fall towards the middle of the elevator, of course you couldn't have fallen towards the damn railings less than three inches from you.
You just had to fall to be met face first with cold harsh tile. You squeeze your eyes shut for impact but mostly so you cannot read the disappointment in the ash blonde's face.
But the cold slap never comes, instead a warm, almost comforting touch holds you. Callused hands wrapped around your bare shoulders as they right you to your feet.
The possible futures flood in along with the details of his last 24 hours.
First comes the past, he smells of perfume, floral with hints of amber, lipstick stains on his throat and collar. Before anger ignites in your belly, half your own from anyone "marking" Bakugou and the other half is his. Katsuki yells at this mystery woman, he spies a text from another man on her phone. The present begins to overwrite the past his phone is sitting in his office on his desk. He has unintentionally forgotten it, leading you to remember that yours is still locked in your top drawer.
Lastly comes the future, your breath begins to hitch as it unfolds, and your premonition from when you first started almost a year ago is finally coming true.
"THE ELEVATOR IS GOING TO STOP!" You grip onto strong forearms as you scream. Nails biting into toned flesh as tears begin to prick your eyes.
"Wha..what?" Is all Bakugou gets out before the machine comes to a grinding halt.
Fear seizes your very bones while rage grips the blonde's.
"What the fuck?!" He snarls, "Did you know this was going to happen the whole fucking time? You let me on here anyway?"
"N..no." Fat tears begin to drip down reddened cheeks, "It was just because we touched."
His fingers squeeze tighter on your shoulders as he watches the tears cascade down. You see a few more seconds into the future before he let's go.
"Fuck." He hisses. A series of explosions erupt busting out one of the lights and something in the corner.
"P...please be careful, you've destroyed the camera. I..its close to the electrical panel." You speak to the floor loudly and he turns his ire onto you
"Be careful?! You're the seer why didnt you tell anyone about the elevator? Or tell me not to get on?" He invades tour space spiking your panic. His agitation over the situation is amplified as it is mixed with a conflicting feeling that has pulled has his gut for majority of this year.
"BECAUSE YOU WONT ALLOW ME TO SEE YOU!" You huff and as quickly as that rage came it melts away. Leaving you a mess of impossibly fatter and bigger tears.
You bend over slightly, losing your breath to panic as you gasp for air.
Bakugou damns himself as he looks over you.
He always seems to make you uneasy or upset, he could live with those emotions considering that's how most people felt around him.
But to watch you cry has knives plunging into his Godly abs.
"Oi..." He says softly and when you do not move he comes closer.
"Oi." He tries again, righting you once more as he rubs a deadly hand on your shoulder.
His skin is electrifying, sending a shudder through your body that you must suppress. He's close enough that you can smell the sweet smell of burnt sugar that seems to cling to his skin. You dare meet his heated gaze from beneath long lashes only to be surprised.
His eyes are far from carrying the weight from annoyance or anger as you thought them to be.
No they hold something else for once.
Concern.
You swallow thickly as your chin is lifted before a padded thumb swipes at a tear.
Your breathing hitches harshly.
"No need to cry okay. I'm sorry I yelled that was an asshole thing to do." His other hand continues its soothing cirlce, "Why don't you take a deep breath with me?"
He breathes in deeply through his nose, eyes expecting you to mimic and you do.
He holds it for just a moment before letting his diaphragm push the air naturally from his mouth.
After a few times your head feels a bit clearer and Bakugou takes notice as your cheeks are no longer flush.
"Now what will be easier to see my future or the elevators?" He asks softly and his manner throws you off.
You had heard rumors of his cruelty when it came to inconvenience, some dating back to before he was a pro.
Not to mention you had witnessed it first hand, so to see those normally hash scarlet red eyes softened for you has your stomach doing flips.
"Ummm..." You gulp, fearful to answer but by lying will that make it worse.
After a few brief seconds you choose to tell the truth with a heavy heart, wholly expecting a violent reaction.
"You..." A breath of a word as Bakugou purses his lips for a fraction of a second.
He liked his privacy bit not being stuck in this tin can would be worth violating it.
"Alright. Then see our way out of here little Oracle." You blush from his nonchalant tone and the use of the nickname.
Little did he know you had once picked that out to be your hero name.
But dreams die as we get older.
Especially if one doesn't feed them.
You look into the future a few minutes, hoping you'll see whatever will lead you to freedom.
But you see something else instead, it pulls your stomach lower heating your core a bit.
The blood rushes to your face as Bakugou scrunches his own.
"I..." You are suddenly hyper aware of the proximity the two of you share.
Of his warm hand resting on your bare shoulder, of the closeness of his face and the gentle touch of his fingers. He gives a look as if to say go on, you look down as you speak again.
"B..Bakugou-sama, I think my quirk might be acting up. I may be seeing the implausible possibility..." Eyes squeezed shut as you expect an explosion.
But it never comes.
"What do you mean? I've heard your information is always good, little Oracle." His thumb swipes at another stray tear, "What did you see?"
Cheeks burn impossibly hotter as you look again only to receive the same result.
Truly truly implausible.
He tilts your face to his and his gaze is too much.
"I...ummm....we....yo..you kiss me." You bite your lip as you speak and the action fills Bakugou with desire, more than he's ever possessed for you before.
And always more than what he's felt for another woman.
You being able to see some of that no matter how slim the chances of him acting on the feeling is the MAIN reason he actively "hated" and avoided you.
But to feel your smooth skin beneath his rough palms, to smell your sweet mango perfume and to hear your adorable voice fill up the space that only posses the two of you becomes too much.
Too quickly.
Katsuki pushes you against the wall, the railing bites into your back but it goes unnoticed as your eyes flutter.
Dominat tongue swirling around your own has your core molten.
Had you like Bakugou?
Had you ever been attracted to him?
The answer was yes and had always been yes. You just tried to make it easier on yourself, hoping that devloping a crush on kind Deku would eventually push your feelings for the hot head to the background.
It worked. But only if the emerald haired man was around.
When he wasn't your mind always floated to the hot head.
He rips the buttons from your blouse and you gasp with both pleasure and concern.
He reads you like a book as he pulls the fabric open to look at you in all your glory, even pulling the scratched white fabric from your black skirt.
"You said I took out the camera right?" He drinks you in before his mouth finds a sweet spot on your throat, "Don't worry I'll give you my jacket when I'm through with you, my little Oracle."
You swoon, knees becoming weak from such little contact. His mouth works wonders as he un hooks your bra, pulling it and your shirt from your chest. Greedily lapping at your perked nipples. A moan escapes you then, further encouraging his advancement to which you wouldn't dream oppose.
Not with how good you feel now. Soon his hands find your hips as he crushes his lips to yours, pulling the bottom of your skirt up over your thick thighs and ass before letting it stay at your natural waist.
"Are you wet for me?" He asks by way of permission.
To which you surprise both of yall with your answer.
"Go and find out."
Katsuki gives you a deadly smile as your face deepens in hue. His fingers snake slowly down your chest, teasing when he gets close to the hem before sliding over your laced underwear.
You watch as his eyes flutter slightly before a groan escapes his kissable lips, you clench at the sound.
"You're soaking through your underwear." He voice drips with desire by your ear, "Does the director know how naughty you are?"
He leaves a trail of kisses before biting down on your neck, fingers still relishing the feeling of soaked fabric.
"Does he know that you're wet for one of your bosses?" He begins pressing against your throbbing button through the thin fabric. You buck your hips agaisnt his touch and moan when he chuckles darkly.
"I didn't hear an answer, baby girl." Your mouth moves without thought as he presses harder.
"N..no. No one knows."
"And who are you wet for?" His other hand is preoccupied with your breasts. Tweaking the nipples pushing you closer to a surprisingly close edge. His strong hand moves away from your needy nipple to find your throat.
He applies the right amount of pressure that your breathing becomes labored.
"Y..you Bakugou-sama!" You squirm, wanting, needing to be touched by the man before you.
"That's my good girl." He slips his fingers past your underwear finding the swollen bud he was teasing, swirling two fingers as his palm presses down on your mound.
You're moaning loudly, uncaring if anyone will hear as his fingers work you over like magic. His grip tightening just enough as you get closer and closer.
Finally your vision blurs in your peripheral before his husky voice is back at your ear.
"Just one more thing, do you see yourself getting fucked little oracle?"
You do not need to look into the future to answer
"Yes...yes Bakugou-sama." With a deadly smirk he sends you over the edge, not letting up as your crescendo once, twice, three times from his fingers alone. You see stars as your body convulses beneath his touch, voice caught in your throat as you shudder.
Your knees become weak as he slowly eases away after teasing at a hint that a fourth time could have been coaxed from you.
He holds you steady kissing you sweetly on the lips. He gives you a moment as you lean on him before you're flipped around.
You stare at your reflection. Hair disheveled, falling from its normally tight bun, breasts exposed as you're bent over and lips tinted with the best of red hues.
Red eyes admire you as he unbuckles his pants.
"You're such a gorgeous mess. And who are you a mess for?" He asks, placing your hands onto the railing.
"Y..you." Breath fogs your slightly distorted reflection and he smiles.
"God damn right." He purrs in your ear, pressing himself against you and you moan, "Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride."
You wiggle your hips, pressing your ass as close to him as you can before he grabs onto you with a bruising grip.
He eases himself in slowly, keeping you from pushing agaisnt him until he's filled you completely. He stays still for a moment and the feeling of fullness alome has you squirming, begging for more.
"Pl..please Bakugou-sama. Please..." He grabs a fist full of your hair, pulling your face to meet his reflection.
"Please what?" He grins devilishly and you cannot fathom how he holds back so well. You feel him twitch within you, your eyes roll for a moment before you answer him.
"Please just fuck me and fill me. Please please Bakugou-sama." You cry out trying your best to rock against him, hoping his one hand would not be enough to stop any friction from happening.
But some how it is.
"Now be a good seer and watch how well you take my cock baby girl." He purrs, pulling harder on your hair until you meet your gaze.
He begins to pound into you, hard and fast. The sound of your meeting bodies echoes off the four walls and for once you cannot see anything.
Because you cannot focus on anything aside from the feeling of aggressive thrusts and the ash blonde reflection. He grunts as he looks you over. Your skirt makes your ass seem bigger than what it is and you're so wet you make a delectable sound with each withdraw not to mention your thighs are beginning to dew.
The sensation, sound, and sight of you being so pleased and submissive for him begins to make Bakugou spiral.
And it shows with each thrust as it gets harder, faster, and sloppier.
He fucks you with enough force that the metal box begins to rock.
Your eyes flutter as you begin to climb again, feeling him getting closer and closer himself before he hits you just right as he groans out a delightful "fuck"
You scream, gripping onto him in pulses before he loses himself. Burying himself deep within you with a satisfied growl.
You both still for a moment before he withdrawals. His seed spills from you making him want to fuck you again.
But instead he moves your underwear back into place, smooths your skirt back down your hips and ass before pulling up his own pants.
He turns you around, peppering your dazed face with kisses before he sheds his jacket and places it on you.
Zipping it up to your throat. He pulls you into him and you note the heavy smell of his caramel sweat. You kiss his neck tenderly causing a rumble to emit from him.
"Are you okay little one?" He asks softly, "Was I too rough? Too much?"
"No...perfect." You snuggle into him and he holds you for a moment. Your nose brushes against his exposed throat before you see it.
"Oh!" You push away from him enough to see his face before you blush deeply.
The elevator whirls back to life, the ding of floors pulls you back into reality and for a moment you think it a dream.
You expect him to shove you away now that he is done, especially so since that the moment of an almost claustrophobic disaster no longer hands over your heads.
But the look of hated annoyance does not return to his eyes as he gazes down at you.
If anything he looks at you softly expectant of an answer before it dawns on him.
"Oh." He says with a deadly smirk, "Was fucking the only way to fix it?"
You laugh nervously before admitting.
"I never looked past that kiss. I.."
He kisses you softly again before a final ding rings out and the two of you are met with the cool summer air of the parking garage.
"Hmmm I think I saw something." He smirks and you look puzzled, the world only slowly beginning to beg for your attention.
"W..what did you see Bakugou-sama?" You ask timidly as he pulls you out of the sinful box. Guiding you to his black motorcycle. You stop to blink over the bike, trying hard to see whatever he could be alluding to without allowing yourself his future out of habit.
"I see you calling me Katuski over dinner." He smiles as he places his only helmet on your head before his powerful leg swings over the body of the bike.
You stare down dumbfounded, dazed over everything that has happened in the last hour and a half.
When you do not move he pets the seat behind him.
"Coming to make my prediction true little oracle?" You nod swiftly pulling up your skirt enough to straddle the bike. You delicately wrap your arms around a muscled torso.
"Hold on tight." He says, squeezing your hand before the bike roars to life, "Its going to be a bumpy ride."
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indig0g0 · 3 years
Note
If you are so against theft, why you friends with gabriel tho? There has been HOW MUCH evidence against him? I don't know, Newt. Seems Pretty Sus To Me. SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE THE HEAT OFF THE CURRENT SHIT AGAINST GABE I'M JUST SAYING-
Hi kids, first of all! His name is GABRIEL! Calling him not his name, when he doesn’t like it! Is just like misgendering! Anyway! Lets sit down for this! I was waiting for you (or maybe it was someone else!) to come back for this!
Did you know that its possible, as an adult human being, to disagree with everyone in a situation? Did you also know.... That there’s a difference.... Between using the same concepts? And OUTRIGHT TRACING SOMEONE’S ART? Did you know...... That there was more to the story... than bo’s callout post made it out to be? Did you know there was a third whole design in the mix?
Also before we get started I want to state that as a 25 year old man, who has been in multiple different art communities. You cannot steal a concept. You cannot steal a concept. YOU CANNOT STEAL A CONCEPT. There are 800 trolls with white porcelain masks! There are 800 trans masc jadeblood trolls! These are all concepts! Iridescence as a concept! Is a CONCEPT.
Opalescence is a concept that is similar but different to iridescence.
ANYWAY!!!
LETS SIT DOWN FOR THE WHOLE STORY BECAUSE BOY HAVE I HAD ENOUGH OF BEING ASKED WHERE I STAND ON THIS!
Okay! So! Here’s the thing (the thing! Which I got from someone who WASN’T either Bo or Gabriel! Surprise! There’s AN OUTSIDE PARTY!)
Bo made an iridescent adopt! Gabriel wanted the adopt! But Liam bought the adopt first! Whatever! That’s the end of it of whatever that is! Bo and Gabriel stopped being friends in this time, i think, but that’s not my fucking business because i’m 25 years old and other people’s interpersonal problems aren’t my fucking business!!
Its reasonable here, then, to like the concept behind a design right? And you you probably think “oh this is where gabriel ripped off cosmit, right?” and you’d be wrong!
We’re going to cut to my favorite third party, a loving friend and wonderful person... Echo! Who makes adopts! As a source of income!
Who was like! Hey party people! Suggest themes for me to use in my next batch! of adopts! and now you think... oh... here comes opal.. WRONG AGAIN!
So what happened was... gabriel had been like “i saw this cool iridescent design, and the concept was really cool! maybe you should do an opalescent design!” and echo was like oh fuck yeah i’d love to do that! and so.... they did. Now i’m sure you’re thinking..... Oh it’s Opal!
Except. Actually it wasn’t.
The opalescent (NOT iridescent, they aren’t the same if you were wondering!) troll Echo original made? One of the ones that bo linked in their call out? Isnt opal.
It’s the original opalescent design that echo made! Which they.. Kept! That’s their Magiro!
This is magiro on the end! This is the original design!
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this image? the girl on the bottom? THATS FUCKING MAGIRO. THAT IS ART. FROM ECHO’S BLOG. OF ECHO’S CHARACTER.
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which looks..... NOTHING like...
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this absurdly small screenshot i also pilfered from bo’s callout post! Of cosmit!
Who’s sprites I will not post out of respect for Liam because I have not asked him if I can use it! But the original is necessary so it’s here anyway. (I have permission from Echo to post the originals here! FYI!)
Now because they ended up keeping Magiro! They said! I’ll make you one for free with the same general concept! And lo!
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Opal was born! This was the design that Echo did for gabriel! This is opal! As you can see... She looks nothing like cosmit! Except for the fact that she has
dark skin is meant to be black coded and has a similar theme. she even has a nose rings You can see it under her glasses!
and so these are the sprites Gabriel made based off the design ECHO made him
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Now! Here’s where it gets hinky!
Here’s where I don’t agree with either party!
Bo and Liam were upset that Gabriel (and Gabriel alone) apparently ripped off Opal! I don’t see it, and I don’t think you can steal a concept either! But whatever theyre adults they can make their own conclusions!
Now where I don’t agree with Gabriel is... Gabriel started making posts (after being told he was accused the first time, idk by who) about Opal being the BEST opalescent troll in the community! Which is fucked up! It’s immature and I was upset with him for it! And then it spiralled a little!
Gabriel got a call out blog made about him for reasons OTHER than opal! The callout blog tried to bring up opal! Liam made a public statement that he and gabriel were handling it privately! And I thought that was going to be that on that!
or was it!
So in private, and bo’s “call out” will confirm this, the whole party eventually agreed that Gabriel would be making edits to opal to make her theme different instead of white opalescent blah blah, this all is NOT my business and frankly I don’t fucking care.
My problem comes in when it become not enough for bo that Gabriel to make changes to or stop using Opal altogether and started... Boxing gabriel into a new solution? Because Gabriel apparently wasn’t bending over backwards enough? I don’t fucking know! It’s not my fucking business! DURING a time of crisis. DURING. BO DID THIS WHEN GABRIEL WAS ALREADY IN A POSITION TO HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING NO. THIS IS FUCKED UP NO? But! I don’t know how you can post screenshots of you saying “You’re having a bad time because of this tropical storm about to rock your shit and I hate you and want you to go away Take this Hilariously Low sum of money for a character with tons of art and effort” and then think you’re like. In the right here? Bo admits they were stupid angry and that they cancelled the deal on a whim IN Their call out post! And then turned around, in their anger, and started threatening gabriel ! That’s literally blackmailing him! Because he wasn’t doing what they wanted! it’s all literally in the post! I read the whole thing! Gabriel came back with a counter, which was getting rid of Opal altogether including making the replacement in the story NOT black coded, NOT a woman (explicitly stated to be transmasc for the new concept), No piercings etc.
Bo then, later AGAIN during a time of Financial and real life crisis (their confrontation was sent within HOURS of the announcement of another hurricane about to rock houston) decided to turn around and verbally berate Gabriel about how he failed to deliver his apology, turned around, and tried to post a largely evidence-less call out about him.
The reason for Bo doing this?
Gabriel reblogged female-coded aesthetic into the tag. And that was all the proof Bo needed that GABRIEL IS A LIAR BLAH BLAH
heres the thing.
gabriel and i are in a different artist’s server together.
Gabriel has posted the wip of the new design into the server. I’ve seen it. with my own two fucking eyes.
in fact. the new design. BARELY EVEN LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING TROLL AT ALL
IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE COSMIT
IT DOESNT EVEN FUCKING LOOK LIKE OPAL
BO WENT OFF THE RAILS
FOR LITERALLY NO FUCKING REASON
AND NOW A BUNCH OF 17 YEAR OLDS ON TUMBLR
ARE TRYING TO RUIN NOT ONLY HIS LIVELIHOODS, BUT ALSO EVERYONE AROUND HIM
OVER A DESIGN THAT WAS 3 CONCEPTS REMOVED FROM THE ORIGINAL
ANYWAY TLDR: they both handled this extremely poorly! I do NOT agree with Gabriel’s handling of Bo’s and Liam’s initial concerns! But I SUPER don’t agree with “i own blackcoded opalescent characters as a concept bc i said so” and but mostly?
I really disagree with bo’s attempts to use the crisis of a TROPICAL STORM to solicit the response THEY ALONE wanted.
THIS is why I have bo blocked. I could give a shit LESS about all the other bullshit. Do I like it? No. It is my business? no.
But the sheer fucking LACK OF EMPATHY displayed here is FUCKING ASTOUNDING.
Theres actually OTHER reasons I don’t like bo, which are all 100% unrelated to all this fucking horse shit! But that’s my fucking business!! anyway!! fuck off!!
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littlebitoffanfic · 4 years
Text
Celebration
Fandom: The Collector/The Collection Character: Asa Emory – the collector Relationship: Asa Emory/reader Request: Since I have seen you do some slashers, can I request Asa from The Collector? Something sweet where the reader works with him and is an alibi and then saves him when Arkin comes for him in the collection?
  You knew him from your work although you didn’t know him well. Asa was a private man, reserved to his office and displays for the museum. You were tour guide with a hand in some of the office work. After all, the museum didn’t get an awful amount of funding to be able to employee more office workers. Today, you were happy. It was a sunny day, which meant people were less likely to come to the museum for an indoor activity. Your tours still ran ever 2 hours, but a smaller group had less questions and you could normally be done within an hour, leaving an hour free. You all but skipped down the halls like a school girl, your project held tightly in your arms as you stopped outside Dr Emory office. knocking three time, you waited for him. He towered over you, and had such a demanding presences that made you weak at the knees. Your crush on his was not unnoticed by your co-workers. 
“Good morning.” You smile, trying your best to work through the flutters in your chest. “Its 1.30.” he stated, his eyes unreadable. “Oh, well, good afternoon. Could I steal a few minutes of your time?” You ask, nearly slapping yourself in the face for your mistake. His eyes darted to the folder in your arms and he stepped aside, allowing you to enter. This was a privilege in itself. Barely anyone was allowed within his office. But Asa seemed to tolerate you more than the others. Perhaps because you were his neighbour. Now that had truly been a happy accident. His previous neighbour was selling and you were looking for somewhere when you moved here. It just so happened that your neighbour to your left was also a co-worker. Entering his office was like entering a new world. The walls were decorated with various bugs throughout different ages in their lives. Butterfly’s, beetles and roaches but the most prominent member of his displays were spiders. Your attention was drawn to a particular specimen. Pinned in a shadow box was a blue spider. The sign under called it a Cobalt Blue Tarantula. “Wow, those markings are fascinating.” You mumble aloud, more to yourself that to the mans whos office you were in. “Truly. The Cyriopagopus lividum.. native to the borders of Thailand.” Asa speaks so fondly of the dead creature that it makes you smile slightly. There was no denying his love for his work. “Are they venomous?” You ask, purely out of curiosity. “Yes, but the venom not strong enough to kill an adult human. Although its not pleasant.” Asa walks past you to his desk and drawing you from your thoughts. “Now, you wanted something?” “Yes, I was wondering if you might help me with an exhibition.” You hold out the folder to him as you sit at the other side of his desk. He takes it and opens it, showing a sort of mood board you had put together ranging from other exhibitions to enclosures to photo life-spans of certain creatures. “an exhibition?” His eyes flick up to meet your own with curiosity. In truth, you hated how under appreciated he was at the museum and his knowledge should be put to good use. “Yes, for insects. Of course, I’d do most of the work, but I’d really apricate someone who I can fact check with and can offer some insight.” You smile sweetly, and the small smile that pulled at Asa’s lips told you that he was in.
-------------time skip ------------------
Your time spend with the entomologist was one of the most pleasant and interesting interactions you had had in a while. Walking to his office, you held your papers in your hands. You were about to knock when you heard voices inside. Pressing your ear against the door, you listened. “Dr Emory, unless you can provide an alibi for your whereabouts on Saturday evening, we will have enough to arrest you under suspicious of connection with the collector killings.” A voice spoke with authority. Your heart stopped. The collector killings had fascinated you ever since they had come to light. And Asa, well, he was a private man. If they were threatening such a thing, there must be something behind it. And you wanted to know. The two men that seemed to cloud your thoughts could be one. Your mind thought quickly as you came up with a plan. Knocking on the door, you walked in without waiting – something you never really did. Once inside, you acted like a deer in headlights. Two men sat opposite Asa’s desk  in suits. “oh, sorry. Are you from the board?” You asked sincerely but you didn’t let them answer before quickly adding. “Look, Dr Emory and I are neighbours. Its perfectly reasonable for us to spend our evenings and weekends in each others company. Besides, if Tiffany told you about us, she has been having an affair with the janitor.” You could tell Asa was just as stunned as you were. One of the men smiled and stood. “You don’t need to be alarmed, miss. We are from the investigations team.” He then presented his ID badge to you. “Oh, gosh. I am so sorry.” You looked stunned, despite already knowing. “Its okay. But I am interested in what you said. Do you know where Dr Emory was on Saturday evening between 5pm and 11pm?” The man leaned back on Asa’s desk while the other twisted to fully look at you. “He was with me.” You said, talking to the two detectives. “At my house.” “with you? He said he was home alone.” The one with the strong jaw line narrowed his eyes at you. “Yes, well, its not against any policies, our director has been known to fire people for having… interpersonal relationships with colleagues. We’d agreed to keep it a secret. He would have been trying to protect me, in case this got out to the others.” You explain to them, not daring to look at Asa. You knew you were playing with fire here. But what you said wasn’t a stretch. The director had fired a member of the geology department… for sleeping with his wife in astrology. He really cared what staff did as long as they did their job. And didn’t fuck his wife.   “Is this true?” He asked Asa, who gave a single nod. “And is there anyone who can corroborate this?” The detective asked you, more kindly than the others. “Not really. As I said, it was a secret so I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. Although, you can ask half the staff in this building and they’ll tell you that ive had a crush on the man since I moved here, and they know we have been spending more time together. They are so fond of teasing me for it anyway.” You manage to draw a chuckle from one as he jabbed the other detective in the shoulder which earned a smile. Apparently, there was a similar situation going on where they were. “Right, well, we’d better be on our way. We’ll be back in touch soon.” The one sitting rose to his feet, nodding to both you and Asa before he and his partner left. They left and the door had closed for a brief moment before you felt someone grab your arm and you were twisted to meet Asa. He didn’t say anything and his cheeks were slightly red, but his ears were bright red. “So, you are the collector?” You breathe, looking up at him with a small smile tugging on your lips. “What do you want?” He growled, his voice low and menacing. Oh, he wasn’t happy. “I want to know.” You breath, stepping closer to him. “You take parts, right? What do you do with them? Keep mementos? Are you making something?” His nostrils flares out, obviously angry. You understood. You had let yourself into his world, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He couldn’t kill you because it would point the fingers back to him. No, it was smart to keep you close. He let out an exasperated sigh, reaching up and pinching his brow. “look, once this has blown over for you, I wont say a word. I don’t expect anything for it. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” You reassured him. “Why?” His eyes narrow at you, but you shrug. “honestly, you fascinate me.” You confess to the man, even more intrigued than before. You saw the smirk that twitched at the side of his mouth.
----------------- time skip ------------
The world of the collector was one you never dreamed you would see inside, and you loved it. It took trust to get him to let you see. First you saw the inside of the hotels lobby, then some traps, then some of the beautiful creations he made, then his prize possession. you never participated, but you provided a bit more support for him, offering help from the side lines in exchange for information and his time. If he was suspicious of you, he couldn’t deny the genuine interest in your eyes as he spoke, or how you hung on every word of his. He seemed to love how you marvelled at everything with a child-like innocents. Wide eyes and a curious mind. He kept you very close, at work and in your personal lives. It took 5 months in total for the cops to ease up off of Asa, but they still occasionally found their way to his house, watching it. He would come to yours in those situations, still keeping the façade up that you were in some kind of relationship.   Not that you cared. You found that the two of you had a lot in common which made the time easily spent. Of course, his dogs loved you. When you came round to his, they were pawing at the floor to get to you but waited for their master to give them the signal to move. They really were puppies at heart. Also, sometimes you thought Asa just said they were there to spend time with you. Either way, you didn’t mind. Tonight, you were buried in a book when a harsh knock at your door made you jump but you hurried to answer it, finding a slightly wet Asa. You smiled, stepping aside and allowing him to step in. “You’d think the police budget within the millions by how much they come around.” You giggle, helping his jacket off his shoulders to hang up to dry. He hummed in response, wiping his face with a hand to try get the stray rain droplet off. “So, how was your recent game?” you asked as he followed you into the living room, where you had been reading. You collapsed back into the couch and held your book on your lap. “Uneventful. No one worthy to take.” He mused as he walked over to your book shelf and pulled out the book he had been reading last time. As he returned to your sofa to sit beside you – a show for the police outside – the book fell open to the page he had been reading. But instead of the paperclip he had been using to keep his place, it was a book mark. A novelty bookmark that you had swiped from the gift shop. It was one of those fake 3D ones, with spiders moving on green leaf’s. You raised your book over your mouth to hide your grin. “very amusing.” He soft chuckle left his lips as he placed it to the side. You giggled, moving to reposition yourself. Your sofa faced the TV which was to the right of the window. Meaning anyone who walked by outside could see in. but it was a quiet neighbourhood. Apart from the undercover police. You lay on the sofa, your legs draped over Asa’ lap which you rested your head on some pillows propped up against the arm rest. Asa rose the book without tearing his eyes away from it to allow your legs to move before lowering to rest his forearms on your knee and thighs. Despite being a bit of a play for the police, it began to feel a little more real. You would engage him in conversation through out the evening, and he would tear his attention away from the book to ask you about your day. In fact, you had started to think that Asa had missed this. With the police’s interest dwindling, so had his trips. Even your encounters in work were now limited as you had finished your exhibition. Or many it was just the part of you that had fallen so madly in love with the man that wished he wanted your company. Your eyes left the page to glance at his face. mature features with intelligent eyes. You hated how he could make your heart stop. Maybe this was fake to him, but it was so real to you. Turning your attention back to your book, you didn’t look up until the sun had fully set. Glancing at the clock, you were surprised to see it was nearly 10pm. “Gosh, I swear I’ll never get use to these changing sunsets. Every year it takes me by surprise.” You sit up, stretching as Asa chuckles. Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his cheek before lifting your legs off his lap to stand up. Asa followed, and you smiled when he marked his page with the bookmark you had gotten him. “You’re nearly finished. I told you it’s a page turner.” You nodded to the book, which he was nearly finished save for 50 pages. “Yes, all the more reason to come back.” He shot a look over his shoulder that made you smirk. Playful teasing had become something you adored in the man. It was another reason that made you doubt this was fake. They couldn’t hear what was happening, so why play around. Sliding the book back into the slot, he picked up the remote which had been forgotten on the sofa to go to the window and place it on the stand. A ploy for him to see if they were still watching the house. “I think you’re right. They get far too much funding. It could be going to the museum.” He mused as he turned back to you. Maybe they needed to see more. Or maybe you wanted more. Just to test the waters. Walking up to him, you reach up and placed your hands on his shoulders. “Kiss me?” You whisper to him, pressing your body against his own. Wide eyes met your own and you couldn’t help but giggle. “They can see through the window.” That was enough to encourage the man to duck down, pressing a kiss to your lips. he could have lightly kissed your lips and pulled away after a few moment, but he didn’t. In fact, you were sure he had forgotten all about the car outside. His arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled tight against his strong chest as his lips fought your own for dominance which you quickly surrendered. His tongue slipped inside your mouth, making you moan as reach up and place your hand on the back of his head near his neck to keep his mouth to your own. Not like he was pulling away any time soon. you felt him push you backwards and you allowed him to push you till your back hit the wall and he pinned you to it. they couldn’t see you anymore, but you didn’t care. Raising your right leg, you hooked it around his hip as his hand trailed down your side and followed the curve to your thigh, holding you in that position. He was driving you crazy, his touch was like fire as you cling to him. When he does pull back, you are left a panting mess with rosy cheek. But his tell was his red ears despite the smirk on his lips. “So, tell me, where does the line between fake and real stop?” he asks, keeping his face close to your own. “With a kiss like that.” You bite your lower lip, completely aware of how his hand had kept your leg hooked on his hip. “The police aren’t outside. They left over an hour ago.” Asa’s voice was low, barely about a whisper. “They did?” You raise your eye brows at him. A nod answers your question and you were left pondering your next move. “Good.” As leans down, sealing his lips over your own.
 -----time skip ------
 You were sitting in your living room, half heartedly flicking through the channel when you notice Asa’ car drive past your window. Smiling, you turn off the TV and grab your small bag. It was a Friday, which meant that Asa worked late. But it also meant you would be staying over with him. A few weeks ago, shit had really hit the fan. You really didn’t know what happened, expect that the hotel was burned to the ground, and Asa only just escaped with his life. He was badly hurt, and you were thankful that he had taken a week off for holidays. It had been holidays he was going to spend with you in his cabin up north, but plans changed. You stayed by his side during his recovery. Asa had lost nearly everything that night. His creations, his sanctuary, his dogs, his prizes. But he had been thankful to come home to you. He had extended his own holiday but you returned to work the next week. He said he had fallen while on a hike so no one questioned his cuts and bruising when he did go back. You took your bag and left your home for the evening, locking it up as you set to go to Asa. He had regained most of his energy and health back, which you were hoping he might be up for something a little more… activity related tonight. The lingerie in your bag certainly hoped so. he was already out the car and into the house as you walked up. But something caught your eye. In his living room, there was someone hiding in the corner. Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the man. His name was Arkin. He had been the one who had escaped Asa, the one who caused his injuries. You only recognised him because Asa had pointed him out when the new came on one evening. And you highly doubted that he was here to say a friendly hello. Running around the back, you ducked under the window so as not to be seen. You ditched your bag in a bush as you made your way to the back door just as you heard heavy metal music blare through the house. You wanted to scream to Asa, but the glint you had seen in Arkins hands wasn’t enough to tell you if it was a gun or a knife. Slipping into his kitchen, you heard the music being turned off and then silence. You took a large knife from the knife block on the counter and held it as if to stab. And you were willing to. Then you slowly opened the bottom draw, which had some duct tape in it. You round the edge, only slightly pulling it off. If you were going to hurt someone, they cant make a lot of sound. You moved into the hallway which connected to the living room and dinning room. “All those insects. You’re quite the collector.” A voice, Arkins voice spoke, making you pause as you made sure no one knew you were here. “In a 200 mile radios from where we last saw each other, there are 14 licensed entomologists. You were number 12.” As Arkin spoke, you moved slowly down the hallway, looking behind you ever second in case someone else was here. “Your daddy ran a museum, didn’t he? Fucked you up real good.” His words made you feel sick. Asa never spoke of his father. His mother was held with high regard, and he said he wanted you to meet her when she was next in town. But he had shut off when you asked about his father. Arkin was right. “Turn around.” You pressed your back against the wall as you inched closer to the doorway. Tape in your left hand, the edge taped to your finger, and the knife in the other. You could see from the glass display cabinet that Asa and Arkin were standing face to face near the entrance to the dinning room. Arking had his back to you. And a gun raised at Asa’ face. Fear rushed through you as the analogy of ‘don’t bring a knife to a gun fight’ flooded your mind. “Are you here to kill me?” Asa spoke with a calmness you couldn’t fathom. “No. that would be too nice. First im gonna make sure feel everything that I felt. Then im gonna kill you.” You could hear the smugness in his voice. “So that you can never hurt anyone-“ He was cut off as Asa lunged at him. But Arkin gave a swift jab to the face, causing him to tumble back. Into a red box. Your gasp was covered as Arkin flipped the box and started slamming the lid shut again and again, growling “fuck you.”  Before the lack closed. he stepped back, gasping for air. He thought he was alone. Darting into the room, you raise the knie and bought it down into his right shoulder and an angle. He instantly dropped the gun. Letting go of the knife for a moment, you grabbed the roll of tape and started wrapping it round and round his mouth. He had only just managed to let out a cry of pain as his legs gave way under him. He reached up, struggling so you grabbed the knife and pulled it from the flesh. Using the sharp, bloodstained blade, you cut the tape and he collapsed to the ground moaning. You gave him a quick kick in the face before kicked the gun that had fallen out of reach. The last thing you needed was neighbours calling the police for gunfire at the house. You raced over to the box. “Asa, its me.” You reassured him through the small walls in case he tried to attack whoever opened the box. When you pulled the lid open, he scrambled to his feet, the anger in his eyes blazing as he found his attacker on the floor. Arkin was groaning, unable to move just yet but you were sure he’d be up and about soon enough. “Your hands.” You whispered, reaching out and taking his right hand which was covered in blood from Arkin slamming the box down. Your heart broke. He had not long healed. Arkin began to come around, his eyes darting between the two of you as he realized what had happened. He looked at you with an unimaginable about of rage and anger in his eyes as he tried to scream. Asa darted forward, twisting him around and pinning him to the ground, a knee in his back and his hand pressing on the new wound. “The tape.” He commanded of you, and you immediately grabbed the duct tape which had rolled away slightly. Finding the end, you saw Asa grabbing Arkins left hand and you mirrored with his right. Bringing them forcefully behind his back, you taped them in place, then went to tape his ankles together. Once satisfied, Asa hauled the man off the ground and threw him into the box, the lid closing over with the force. Asa flipped the latch. Looking him inside. You didn’t realise you were panting and shaking until Asa was looking at you. Racing forward, you wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face in his chest. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He ask, holding him as tightly as you could. A bloody hand stroked your cheek as another rubbed your back to sooth you. “No, you got here right on time.” There was a softness to his voice that made you melt as you looked up at him and smiled. “I’m too late to be a guard dog. Ludwig or Vivaldi wouldn’t have let him get close enough to hurt you.” You shake your head as you pull back, taking his hands in your own once again to inspect the damage. But he turned his hands over and took your own. “How about we go up to the cabin this weekend?” Asa askes, his question not very well fitted for the currant moment. “huh?” Your eyes glanced to the box which was moving slightly as Arkin struggled. “Oh, we’ll take him. And, since I am out of commission right now, perhaps I can show you some tricks.” Asa smirked as your eyes light up at his words. “Yes!” You bounce on the balls of your feet. You went up on your tiptoes to kiss him, resisting every urge not to pull him upstairs to his bedroom right now. Pulling back, you dart down and pick up the gun, offering it to Asa. “I’ll go get some stuff to see to your hands. And I’ll run back and pack a quick bag and then come and pack your things. I think I should drive, though. You’ll have to give me instructions.” You rattle off, the excitement obvious in your voice. “Oh, you’ll get use to taking instruction this weekend.” Asa whispered in your ear, making you blush and bite your lip with a smirk. Arkin seemed to get a burst of energy and started flaying around in the box, which only moved slightly. “He truly is annoying, isn’t he?” you huffed, hating the moment was ruined by him. Asa simply chuckled and walked up to the box, sitting on it and stopping it from shifting. As you flitted around, gathering supplies and seeing to his hands and then packing his things, Asa watched with a soft eyes. He would be lying if he said he trusted you from the start. And even more so if he admitted there had still been a small part of him that thought you were with the police. but that doubt was well gone. And this weekend, he wanted to celebrate this strange relationship. And oh, what a celebration it would be.
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d0ntw0rrybehappy · 3 years
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i’m going insane lol
so i feel like the next step in working hard is to not even perceive the work i’m doing as tiring. (rereading this it’s making me lol.) it seems weird that i find a part time job at a restaurant this exhausting? and like i can’t pretend that i’m not tired, but i have to somehow take better care of myself and set the conditions to not be tired from it.
i’ve been thinking about baudrillard/barthes a lot still -- pleasantly surprised that their theories are interesting to apply to any- and everything. for example, they both go into how every statement can also be read as its opposite or negation. so, to quote baudrillard, saying “i am not afraid of communism” also implies that communism is something you should be afraid of.
i’ve been using this as a kind of paranoid way to gain insight into why people tell me that i am “strong” because i don’t really know what that means. (other things i am told i am often: sweet, intense). it’s like what they’re saying is, there’s some kind of context, a milieu of weak people i’m being compared to. or like they want to reassure me that i am strong, because i actually come across as how i feel: like a particularly lost, unstable, emotional, sensitive, and lonely person.
i can’t with restaurant work anymore. it. SUCKS. i want to fucking get out, i am like a rat scrabbling at the walls of a glass aquarium. all novelty has worn off, all misguided overtures of honest work or “people skills.” and i’m still stuck here, still holding my breath in the deep end until i can find the eject button. i am tired, my body aches. my body aches!!
i want to just grind my way out (here we are with barthes again -- well if you truly wanted to do that you’d just shut the fuck up and do it instead of writing about it), but here i am, eating another round of chocolate (i don’t smoke, i don’t have sex, i truly just eat), constantly fucking hungry. then like a bull mowing into a red flag i realize i have been grinding...in a completely useless direction. it is like my passion for learning about things gets scattered every which way and i just can’t start, every path is equally exciting and awful and the injunction to “choose” is not “clicking” in my “head.” it’s like my mind cracked open at some point in my teenage years (when i started smoking weed, when my child universe was decisively fractured by a friend) and now the crack is snowing fireworks and glitter and i shift in and out of unreality. 
reality is almost too painful to bear. nobody’s happy: you can find contentment by accepting your current lot, but “happiness" is really just contrast or relief from pain. it comes in and out. most people are too lazy or small-minded or too busy complaining to feel content, or their lives are just too twiggy, got too long in the wrong direction or are just too fucking hard. i guess i still am happy, and still love life, in a sort of ferocious and bloody and hungry way. 
love is bleak, though. i barely even know how to define it anymore. (culture defines a love which we yearn for; we experience “love” insofar as our real love fleetingly resembles this model, only to come up short -- baudrillard). re: love, to use my mom’s favorite school-of-hard-knocks memory device for the laws of thermodynamics -- a subject she took? -- you can’t win, you can’t break even, you can’t get outta the game (and death and taxes). you are going to get royally FUCKED by love just like everybody else, and you are STILL gonna play, you beautiful mortal fool. like the tarot cards lauren dealt me, putting away the three cards she’d used to describe my near future and then flipping through the entire deck, picture side up, without realizing that i was quietly watching it describe my whole entire life -- clinging at the edge of my seat to see some eventual combination that spelled good, strong, lasting love and seeing only struggle, happiness, struggle, pain, struggle, and finally ending, at my death, in a small statue made of gold. 
see also, other realities i hate to swallow: nearly all interpersonal problems are insurmountable and better left undealt with, and work basically sucks unless you are very lucky and very smart. 
work. let’s go back to that. i used to think my work would be respected off its merit; now i see the merit in literally fucking my way up. i wonder if i should even be an artist at all. artists are kinda like showponies or whores; they’re not actually important. the more honest and wonderful they are, the less important they probably are, like schoolteachers. they have an impact on an individual level. but on a societal level, you have no control as an artist. you just get played by bigger fish. better to find a way to have your hands on the gears; that way you have a shot at making a higher-order change to society. but alas, the (capitalist) system is totally out of everyone’s hands and will keep running as usual no matter what you do, still savage in equal amounts, i think. doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. but at this point i’d give a toe or finger to work for someplace like youtube. at least it’s reached critical mass where i could do something cool and make a difference with emerging media. 
that or i pander to whatever blathering brain-melting slop, drivel, they’re putting on tv for kids and adults. or manage to convince a smaller nonprofit that i am “good at talking to people from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds,” whatever the hell that fucking means. or maybe, ugh god, i’ll work for an ad agency? or do digital strategy? and um, i could say some shit about how capitalism is darwinism and money is a form of social control that works so well because it’s out of the hands of any individual person, and i should probably just stick with art and believe in it, and maybe like, apply for grants. but i want a job, a full-time job. i want stability and enough money that i don't feel guilty buying new underwear and i don't want to hustle to keep the tap running month-to-month and i want to spend the majority of my time doing something i find fulfilling. and soon enough i'll get that, and all my dreams will come true: i’m going to get married and become a fat mom taking my kids to piano practice and saying “the meeting went on forever today,” and i’ll have a husband who never cleans the house enough, and then we’ll get divorced and he’ll find someone 20 years younger and i’ll live out the rest of my years semi-happily alone and i don’t know how i will ever have time to make art again. or if i do i just hope it’s not hobby-like, second-rate.
i wish i could have (feel) the bare-faced honesty and love of sha’carri richardson hugging her grandmother after she worked her ass off for a race. instead everything is this weird simulation where i never feel like i love anybody enough or like i’m working hard enough. i can’t speak honestly except when i am writing about myself (strong, sweet, intense, narcissistic) or things i have noticed, as directed to my own imaginary friend. when i try to communicate irl (or, worst of all, “be real”) it’s all so overthought, overwrought, self-conscious. the only person who knows my real private self is the girl winking at me on my black lives matter poster. i hope she doesn’t mind being here in my room. ducky, the stuffed animal brandon gave me, was also supportive but i put him away because it seemed bad to tell future guys that my stuffed animal is “the child of divorce.” and now /you guys/ know me a little bit, because i took the time to pretend you were all my imaginary friend, my dearest pen pal who laughs at all my jokes and gets all my references, and stopped pretending i was anything besides what’s written here. 
and i think, like, a lot of people now live in this weird simulation? and are so confused about romantic and familial love to the point where everyone is getting off on family members fucking each other and can’t decide if it’s normal to think kids are hot? but i guess that was always some weird fucked-up demon side of human existence? another thing i’m supposed to accept. (also sorry trigger warning.) and another thing i took for granted as a child, that most people, if not everyone, is weird/gross/evil, but now that my mind is cracked this shocks me all over again and i seek some sort of explanation. it’s like i can’t find a real hunk of closeness anywhere. i’m close to my own family, but in my other relationships we’re either too distant or too close and i’m desperately searching for just some normal friends. and to be able to give a speech where i tell someone i really love them and for it to ring true. but i try to be grateful that i live in driving distance to the beach and there’s air conditioning and once i stop being a stupid baby there’s probably more friends and work and stuff out there for me. and then i’ll have some new problem.
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smuttymess · 4 years
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bts astro soulmate reading | for christiana
sign: libra sun | cancer moon | taurus rising
lover: park jimin | soulmate: kim namjoon
This reading is for Christiana, a Jimin bias who regularly finds herself wrecked by Taehyung, Namjoon and Jungkook. The girl has taste! I hope this brings you some joy during this wildly uncertain time. Take care xoxo
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Dreamy, empathic, and sociable are just three of the many words that can aptly describe you, dear Libra. As one of the most popular in the zodiac, people naturally gravitate towards your nature empathetic, enthusiastic and caring nature. Your interpersonal relationships are of great value and importance to you - people often come to you for your sound advice, to be heard, and to be understood. Your Taurus rising, however, does not let just anyone into your space, as you are prone to people trying to take advantage of you. While you supremely enjoy the company of others and enjoy a wide social circle, you are also fully comfortable to retreat into solitude at a moment’s notice. This allows you to pause before leaping forward into a job, relationship or important decision - providing you with a level of protection when it comes to your heart that many Libras lack. More than anything, you crave balance and harmony across all areas of your life, because that is when you are most at peace. You are likely to avoid anyone or anything that could disrupt said harmony like the plague.
With your sun in Libra and rising in Taurus, you are one that appreciates life’s many luxuries, and you are known to self-indulge in all that brings you joy. While you want balance in your relationships and work life, when it comes to physical and material pleasures it is likely that excess is not in your vocabulary. Often at the center of social gatherings, you love to be seen, admired, and adored with all eyes on you, preferably with a glass (or two) of champagne in hand. On one night out in standard Libra revelry, you can’t help but take notice of the dark haired boy that emerges next to you at the bar, his presence disarming as he flashes you a flirtatious smile. You can feel his eyes fixated on you with as he watches you try to order a drink before he intercepts the frazzled bartender with merely a swoop of his hair and orders a bottle of Dom. All of that for you? You tease, more than happy to talk to this handsome stranger. A devilish, smirk moves across his face as he hands you a glass. Well, there are two glasses and two of us. Why don’t you join me?
It is not long before you and Jimin - both Libras - become practically inseparable in a whirlwind relationship. Despite his sultry persona and ability to practically undress you with his eyes, you quickly discover his deeply sensitive and emotional nature, and recognize that you are kindred spirits. With his Jupiter in Sagittarius and Venus in Scorpio, he is equally charming, romantic, intense and enthusiastic. In him you see a reflection of a kind, genuine and peace-loving soul, in which you find true comfort. You are also thrilled to find that his shared love of excess extends into the bedroom, wherein he can never leave too many kisses along your neck (all over your body) whisper too many sweet nothings into your near. In bed with Jimin, time does not exist - he is fully devoted to enjoying every inch of you, however long it takes, and is not afraid of running late to his next engagement if it means making you cum back to back. You often lose yourself in intellectual conversation only to find Jimin on top of you, his eyes taking you all in as he presses his weight into you, making you whine against him as his cock hardens between your thighs. As meticulous he is with his dancing, he is equally deliberate with all of his movements, his fingers moving calculatingly over your most sensitive parts as you practically beg for him. Look how beautiful you are, and just for me.
While your affair starts of very passionate and filled with long nights into longer, blissful mornings, this fire soon subsides when you two of you emerge from the early-dating fog of sex, pillow-talk and champagne. Soon enough you two begin questioning each others actions, his jealous and possessive Venus in Scorpio emerging as your shared insecurities bubble up but never reaching the surface. Remember: you’re two Libras, after all, who are practically allergic to conflict. Eventually, your worries about where the other has been and who they were with become exhausting and at odds with to the equilibrium you both crave in a romantic partnership. Your shared inabilities to address issues head on, wanting to exist solely in the fantasy world of your romantic relationship, is not possible to maintain when faced with the complexities and hardships of the real world. You both need someone who will somewhat lead, and ultimately you cannot find that in each other. After the dust settles and emotions are quelled, this becomes a lifelong friends relationship...with the occasional benefits.
Reeling after Jimin, you’re certainly not expecting to fall into anything else so soon other than perhaps a quick rebound at most. So you are surprised to find yourself suggesting coffee exchanging numbers with the cute, tall guy you run to catch up to after picking up his abandoned airpod on the street. Its only hours later when you tell your friends about the encounter with the clumsy, slightly awkward stranger that you’re told its the Kim Namjoon. Of course, your interest is piqued further.
It is weeks before you actually meet again in person and you are happy when he invites you to a small, gorgeously designed cafe. You tend to idealize people and relationships, and you have of course had this idea of him formed in your mind since your first meeting. Namjoon is one of the few people, however, that is truly genuine and lives up to your expectations - he simply exists like that. He is a Virgo through and through, with the fully analytical, reasonable, and hard-working nature that comes along with it. He knows what he wants and the path to get him there, striving for perfection in every area of his life, and he does not shy aware from sharing his goals and dreams with you on the first date. You immediately admire how knowledgeable he is and how strong he is in his beliefs and convictions, while still open to learning more. Both cautious to trust too soon, you take time to open up to each other, falling in love with each others minds over months of long walks hand in hand through the city’s parks and many galleries. Neptune in Capricorn speaks to your sensitive, dreamy Cancer moon and he finds comfort in your ability to make even the most guarded soul relaxed and at home. His Jupiter in Scorpio grounds you - not in a restrictive way but in a way which helps you problem-solve quicker than you would on your own. Suddenly, you can begin to see all of your big plans, hopes and dreams begin to become your reality with him at your side. Your Cancer moon nurtures him, and he is elated to have someone who so openly and ardently loves and supports him and that enigmatic brain of his.
In the early stages of dating you may be intertwined - quite literally - in your own private fantasy world, discussing your current reading lists before his hands move to embrace and explore your curves.  As with everything else, Namjoon wants to be knowledgable when it comes to pleasing you, and it shows in his tender approach which is loving and affectionate with lots of touching and caressing, but also animalistic - think spanking and dirty talk into your ear as rubs your clit and fucks you from behind, endlessly enjoying watching you come undone beneath him. You can, and do, spend countless days and nights together this way, lost in each other’s presence and bodies. But it is not long before your Libra heart begins to crave more of that energy you gain from large social gatherings and groups of friends. His Saturn in Pisces protests, regularly and often. But baby, do we really have to? I’d much rather spend time with you here. His mind quickly changes when he sees you in your LBD, stilettos on, ready to paint the town red. its not long before he too is dressed and out the door to whatever night you have in store. 
Few people know how to get under this Virgo’s skin better than you, Libra. You love how easy it is to rile him up, often without even trying. Namjoon, with his Virgo in Scorpio, is equally annoyed and turned on by your sociable nature, which often has many pining for your attention. For however famous, powerful, and desired he is, he has nothing on your innately flirtatious aura which is akin to a bee to honey. This magnetism you possess is one of many things that attracted him to you, but it also is what gets his blood boiling, bringing out his jealous, controlling and possessive side. This is a man that hates acting out of character or losing himself in emotion, but you cause him to become someone else entirely. You looked so fucking good tonight, everyone couldn’t stop staring. Why do you need to be so sexy? You enjoy seeing him like this, his seeing his eyes darkening as he throws his keys onto a side table and loosening his tie before his big hands grip your waist, hoisting you up onto the kitchen counter to straggle his torso. I’ve been waiting for this all night. I couldn’t stop thinking about getting you home, away from those eyes. But I know you liked the attention, didn’t you princess? Your kitchen is fairly decorative (we know Joonie’s cooking skills) so you are happy to lean back, your legs raised supported by his hands as he devours you whole, making you drip all over the cold marble countertop. 
You and Namjoon are a true opposites-attract pairing, existing on two different wavelengths that manage to flow quite nicely and making you true partners in love. Namjoon adores you for how optimistic yet level-headed you are, and you enjoy his strong, disciplined and future-thinking persona. He needs to understand that perfection is an illusion, and life is meant to be savored. Over time, he learns to be less critical with your sensitive heart, which you remind him of whenever he goes into full Virgo-mode. Ultimately, you know that Namjoon means no harm - he simply wants you to be your best self because he sees you for not just who you are today but who you can be tomorrow. As you both crave balance and fairness, your home will overall be one with minimal turbulence as Namjoon is a problem-solver who will always seek to meet you halfway. It is likely that you cohabitate in a plant and art-filled abode high above Seoul, creating a comforting atmosphere for the two of you to retreat into and find peace. With Namjoon, you create a life that successfully balances autonomy with interdependence and teaches you how to trust in true, long-lasting love. 
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system-of-a-feather · 4 years
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System Tag Meme
I was tagged by @thepeanutsystem. Imma tag uh.... @thedoesystem​, @persecutor-recovery​, @bolderwords​, @reveriesystem​, @aqua---regia​, @that-one-system​, @unoriginal-hostess​, @the-dissociated-bones​, @lemon-system​, and anyone else that really wants to do this~
Ignore my weird bullet point method of answering these because like XD It looked nice for whatever reason
If your system has a name, what is it called?
We go by both “System of a Feather” and “Feathery System” primarily. It is a double reference to the core aspect of loving birds / having bird like behaviors that some of the members in our system have by both having the “feather” part and because a weird way of describing a bird is a “System of Feathers”. 
It is also a reference to the saying / joke that I used to say to some of the system when talking about DID advocacy that “Systems of a Feather stick together” in reference to the “Birds of a feather flock together.” This is both to say that members of a system that belong to the same body / feather should work together and that individuals with DID are “systems of a feather” or “birds of a feather” and that it is best that we work together to change how DID is seen by many rather than working against one another.
How many alters are in your system? Do you have any subsystems?
Currently I think we have.... 10 alters? We had a few new discovered members that are dormant since Ray and another alter that isn’t on this blog have mentioned things. We thought we might have a subsystem within myself, Iris, and another alter - but I am starting to doubt that. Save for perhaps the theory that myself and the other alter might be a subsystem of 2.
Who’s the host (and co-host, if you have one?)
That would be me- mwuah. Name’s Riku.
If you’re in school/have a job, who gets stuck with doing the most work?
Both myself and Lucille depending on our mental health at the time and the topics that we are studying. Typically if we have any too heavy stem classes like Organic Chemistry (or really anything Chemistry related since I hate it and Lucille is good at it) then usually it sways more to Lucille where as if it is more psych or animal science based, it’s more in my grounds.
How many protectors do you have? What are their name(s)?
There are a lot that could be argued to be protectors. We typically branch protectors into more specified roles since most of us would be considered protectors if we didn’t - myself and our little included. But for the sake of this question, we have three *main* protectors that kind of serve as over arching protecting roles and they are Lucille, Ray, and Aderis. I think Kira might also count, but I haven’t caught up on his role lately.
Lucille primarily is an interpersonal, emotional, and like general life responsibility protector (finances, substitute host, academics, hygiene, cleaning, physical health, diet, injuries). Ray is a trauma, stress, and generally dangerous situation / extreme emotions and abuse focused protector. Aderis used to have Ray’s job and another job we won’t state that she has primarily retired from, but she still does pick up on a lot of internal protecting and motherly duties.
Alters have their separate interests, but there any interests that all of you share?
We all generally like birds to my knowledge and all of us have an affinity and preference to have music around us. I think all of us also generally do care about the well being of others.
What’s your favorite part of your headspace? Why is it your favorite?
Well back when I used to regularly enter it, I’d probably say a really weird zero-gravity forest in an area of the inner world that was focused on escapism. It was just a weird area that I found amusing to visit. To be honest though, may it be because its the only place I can currently regularly enter and maybe its because I got used to it being my home, but I really enjoy the void that makes up the front. Like I realize it might be really boring and scaring if someone were to randomly spawn here but I find it really relaxing to just chill in an empty void of white nothingness :v
What does everyone argue over the most?
We don’t really argue over anything specific? Everyone argues about different things depending on what combo, but nothing in specific is a constant argument. I’d need to see which pair to say what is the most common arguing point.
Which headmate do you get along with the best?
Ah shit that’s fucking hard XD Lucille is probably my best “bro” and best friend, our little is my precious child that I was split off to protect and care for so she’s close to my heart, Ray is my literal asshole of a brother, and Aderis is my ex that we go back so like.... I really don’t know XD I feel bad for say this but I still think Lucille is probably the one I get along with the best with the least arguments or tensions?
What’s the most annoying thing alters do when they front?
Okay I just complimented how well we get along, but I’m still mad that he did a lecture I wanted to do yesterday. Yeah we’re nerds and the asshole trolled me by completing a lecture when I told him explicitly not to since I wanted to multitask today but no, he wanted to learn about hormones and behavior smh. >:v I mean there is not a consistent most annoying thing. 
If I were to be serious, it would be this whole rebellious streak Ray started up within the system of everyone doing very small small minor annoying things to remind me that they exist, that I am not faking, and also just to make me mad. “Who listens to the host anyways smh” is this group meme he’s started in the system XD Its not actually a problem since everything they do is really small things I said not to do and cause I’m a bit of a control freak sometimes and its kind of humorous and a good self check - but yeah
Okay nevermind, that isn’t even a serious response since I kind of find it amusing. There are a lot of things that they do individually, but I don’t think I would call most of it “annoying” as much as inconvenient - at least at the place of communication that we’ve gotten to. Few alters act too out of line to really be annoying beyond like.... moving my shit to places I can’t find, eating my food, and similar. That is probably literally the only actually annoying thing
Who goes to bed the latest when they front?
FUCKING ADERIS. Ahem. I mean Aderis. I don’t know if it is because she tends to front somewhat late at night and has this “lol I am not going to sleep right when I front fuck that” nature, but I think like, most of the time if this body is up at 4 AM or 5 AM it is probably Aderis that was out.
Who has the best taste in music?
Yes.
To be honest I think Lucille and myself in my personal opinion, but I am pretty sure we all would argue otherwise.
Free space! Tell us a random fact about your system
We are all very extra in dressing / fashion internally, but due to my cheap ass nature and laziness, 85% of the time, this body wears whatever is convenient. Only recently with Ray and Aderis complaining have we gotten somewhat stylized clothing. The other 10% is days I randomly decide to dress up in formal / professional wear cos I love it, and the 5% is the days when someone else switches early enough to choose our clothes for the day.
-Riku (Host)
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cherrincity · 3 years
Text
Cherrin City Soundbytes Casting Call
Hi all! I’m making a new podcast and I’d love to get some voice actors in it! Tag a friend you think would be interested!
Cherrin City Soundbytes is an anthology series about the lives of people living in the world's most prominent city of superheroes. Ranging from annoyingly mundane to cosmically fantastic, these stories try to capture the reality of this world's average. What get to be mundane when a bug alien from outer space saves your life? What is moral when a laid off employee tries to drown only the financial district? Most people are just trying to get by, and this is what we get to hear. As the name implies, these episodes will mostly be short. The show focuses on the humanity of people, despite their fantastical environment. The episodes will tend to be kind of... somber, but not devoid of hope.
Cherrin City Soundbytes is a Piece of Cake Podcasting Network Production! As such, we highly encourage Black, Indigenous and Mixed voice actors, as well as other actors of colour to audition, though others may do so as long as they respect the listed identities of the characters. Again to reiterate: please audition for parts that reflect your identity. For example, if you are not South Asian, do not audition for the specifically South Asian roles. If you are not nonbinary, please do not audition for the specifically nonbinary roles. Alternatively, if a role has its gender listed as open, that means any person of any gender may audition for that role. There are 17 different roles, so please stick to the ones that fit you or can accommodate you! In addition to this, please be 18 years of age or older to audition.
For each audition, you may do up to three takes of each line. Please compile them all into a single .mp3 or .wav file. If you are accepted for this podcast, we will be doing remote recordings with mandatory synchronous table reads. Please audition with the recording space you will use if hired. These roles will be paid $40 CAD over paypal.
Content warnings for this year of production include: violence, foul language, body horror, death, kidnapping, manipulation, body dysphoria and large insects. Not all warnings apply for every role; please feel free to send an email to [email protected] for more information or for any other questions you may have. Auditions will be open until October 31st, 2020.
Please note that all auditions must be sent through the google form link below. Any auditions sent to the email will be invalid.  Feel free to audition for as many roles as you are able to fulfill, but please submit a new form and audio file for each role you
In summary:
17 roles open for auditions
Only audition for roles that fit your identity or can accommodate you
Be 18 years of age or older
Send us up to 3 takes per each line, all in one file
This podcast will be remotely recorded
These roles will be paid $40 CAD over paypal
Auditions open until October 31st, 2020
Please only send auditions through this link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc2kVXIFTY9IOiNvRSQWvIrB8LiIrI46xFOeFtuq2sb6xBlVA/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1&flr=0&gxids=7628
Roles
The Cherrin University Radio Host
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: South Asian
Age: Late teens, early twenties
Description: The Cherrin university radio host is an anonymous young woman who feels passionately for under discussed causes. Whether or not she does anything for them outside of ranting on a late night radio show is a bit of a sore spot, but no matter the issue she takes it seriously.
Lines:
It is 2:55 am, which means that it is technically the Cherrin City day of Super Powered Individuals Remembrance. Created by the city about 4 years ago, on paper the day exists to remember every super powered individual who has died. In action, the city uses it to lionize the dead members of their private task force and coerce more people into joining it.
The problem with being perceivable is that people look at you. And when people look at you, and they keep looking at you, you start to get recognized. (long pause) That has not always been a pleasant thing, in my experience.
Solla
Gender: Written as an alien who identifies as Female, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Black
Age: several thousand years old, but doesn't really show it
Description: Solla is a dedicated member to the Cherrin City Starlight Watchers Squad, and is accustomed to working with her team both in bringing down extra terrestrial villains and tackling the enthusiastic and seemingly-ceaseless questions of the Cherrin City press. Polite, patient to a fault and kind of the mom of her group.
Lines:
Yes, I am Solla of the Cherrin City Starlight Watchers Squad. Yes I am an alien, and yes I know English, among several other languages. I appreciate all nice comments, but if you'd like to say something more in depth, you can email the city.
I am so sorry, but I have to go.
Henry Austin Bolte
Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Mid twenties
Description: A gay, recently graduated costume designer trying to make it in Cherrin in the early 2000s. Also recently dumped, and kinda lonely. Very good at what he does, but uncomfortable with discussions of money.
Lines:
(sighs) Look, Vee, I don't care if this is some sex thing or whatever, I just need to know how you intend to use the suit so I can make it appropriately. You don't want some combo of kevlar and body armour if you're trying to fuck someone, right?
You did it. You're the one who did it. Oh my god.
V
Gender: Nonbinary (using he/they pronouns)
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Mid twenties
Description: An ambitious young person, also recently graduated. He's got big plans for his future and is not above manipulating other people to get what he wants. Hates being called desperate. Out of all the morally gray characters in this casting call, this person is the most 'super villain' out of all of them.
Lines:
I am not desperate. I am not a lucky, hapless fool. I am deliberate and calculating, and clever!
If you do anything to lose that respect... well. I know where to express my concerns.
Devon Milligan
Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Black
Age: Mid teens to early twenties
Description: Devon is a loyal young man part of the Cherrin City East End Exemplars. He has difficulty reacting decisively to surprises and can be slightly stubborn. But he appreciates honesty.
Lines:
How does getting up at 5am help out your scheme?
So you're all about making life better for yourself and no one else?
I-SPI
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Black
Age: late teens to mid twenties. Older than Devon
Description: Less a supervillain and more a regular criminal or henchwoman who happens to have very passive super powers. Skilled and clever, she only feels like opening up when she is most desperate. Extremely cynical.
Lines:
C'mon. You're a superhero, aren't you? Shouldn't you stay in top physical form in case another supervillain wants to fall into your lap?
If that's what it has to be; if that's the only choice I'm offered, then I sure as hell'll take it. Who else is gonna care for me? You?
Bernard North
Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Early thirties
Description: Has had a small taste of power and now refuses to give it up. Has stopped caring about the feelings of others. Please note that this character has only one line.
Line:
Feel free to exhaust yourself, I-SPI. You've already proven yourself incorrigible. But it doesn't matter, now that I have you in my possession. You and I are going to go very far together.
Hannah Nathan
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Late thirties
Description: The host of Musicity, a tv show about local musicians in Cherrin City, Hannah has worked very hard to be in this position. While she carries herself as having seen it all, she still cares about the comfort and state of her guests.
Lines:
Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of Musiciscity! I'm your host, Hannah Nathan, and today, we here in the studio are joined by Cherrin City's very own, Alta Reyes!
Oh my god, Alta! Alta, are you alright? Can we get a doctor on set?
Alta Reyes
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Latina
Age: Early twenties
Description: The lead singer of Raise The Population, she currently finds herself in the wrong body, and in the wrong world. Despite these strange circumstances, she's doing her best to get her group back home.
Lines:
Me and my band mates, we were just working at getting known and getting better at making music. We crawled our way up from being nobodies begging for views on our music video to finally, actually getting a hit song!
The further I get away from the life I knew, the harder I cling to the things I do know, even as they keep changing. This place honestly feels the closest to home so far.
Brandi
Gender: Trans woman
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Open
Description: The host of Public! This! Closure!, a new radio show about people hashing out their interpersonal problems on the airwaves. She is always very composed and attempts to be impartial. (She also really wants this show to be a success and is always on the lookout for more people to have on it.)
Lines:
Wait, you kissed her?
And it looks like that's all the show we have time for today, folks! Join us again next time, here on Cherrin City's very own c98.7 for more Public! This! Closure!
Virginia 'Gina' Jones
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Mid twenties, early thirties
Description: She went on a lovely date with Josephine, and decided to go on, Public! This! Closure! the new radio show about people hashing out their interpersonal problems on the airwaves. She hopes this show will be able to reconnect her with Josephine and that she can find out why Josephine ghosted her after their date.
Lines:
...So you could remember the show you were watching, but not the woman you went out with?
Well, I hope you do. I mean, I don't know much about you, but even despite that, I... I want to see you again.
Josephine Georges
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Black
Age: Mid twenties, early thirties
Description: Went on a nice date with Gina, but almost immediately afterward, had her whole world upended. Is currently distracted with other pressing matters, but is absolutely willing to continue dating Gina.
Lines:
I've listened to the show before. (sighs) So, who else has beef with me?
And I didn't think I would be meeting a lot of potential Sparker dates on an alien planet!
TE
Gender: Nonbinary (any pronouns, but initially presents as male)
Ethnicity: Open
Age: 15
Description: An orphaned young person looking for his place in the world. Goes on a very emotional journey, but has extremely villanous tendencies. Is very good at using his super power. Kinda lonely.
Lines:
You steal. That's what you do, isn't it? I mean, the only way anyone gets easy money is by stealing it.
I said, are you fucking kidding me? We literally live in a world where people get to call themselves whatever the hell they want, stupid shit like Resolute and Nightlight and SuperStar and you draw the line at The End?
Isabella
Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: 19
Description: An orphan who lived in the same group home as TE but aged out of it. Had a good relationship with TE, sees him as a younger sibling. Is struggling to find satisfaction with her own life, in terms of her (illegal) career, her (nonexistent) love life, and her (nonexistent) social life. Also has a superpower, but it's rather weak.
Lines:
Well, it can get a little more hostile than that, but never more complicated. And you seem pretty capable with your power. We could use someone as capable as you.
Look, I've been tolerating a lot of your... you-ness because I got it, sort of. We lived together, we had the same traumatic experiences... and I care about you, I really do.
Guiltmaster
Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Late twenties
Description: He's a villain with the power to make people feel extreme amounts of guilt and perhaps other things as well. An intelligent man who has lost interest in trying to make it in life through legal methods, but someone who never lost his deep sense of empathy for others.
Lines:
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help him at all. So we waited, hoping for someone to find us. But, by the time they finally found us, there was no more us.
What you feel is what you feel. It's real and worthy and you cannot make it stop by assuming that because worse things have happened, what happened to you is not valid.
Pat
Gender: Open
Ethnicity: East Asian
Age: Open
Description: Someone who is going to therapy and trying to get over their guilt. Uncomfortable opening up to others, but is also unwilling to deny strangers' questions.
Lines:
Yeah? Did you ever kill your entire family?
All of them died, because I thought they didn't care about what I cared about.
The Interviewer
Gender: Open
Ethnicity: Open
Age: Open
Description: Despite the fact that filming is all but banned in Cherrin City, this interviewer is an out-of-towner attempting to make a documentary about super powered individuals. They're hoping that a certain real estate agent will be able to provide juicy and shocking details about her super powered clientele.
Lines:
Sounds horrific.
Oh my god, Larry you would not believe the waste of time I just had.
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