#its the capstone course for my major

[autumnalwalker]

Kindly Basilisk

Summary: A human mech pilot who wants to be a machine, an AI who wants to be human, and the relationship they form. Author's Note: This is a standalone short story that I banged out over the course of five days after it got stuck in my head while I was trying to go to sleep and refused to let me think about anything else until I had written it down. It's one part thought experiment/exercise in attempting to tell a story in the second person future tense, two parts tribute to the Lancer TTRPG character I'll never get to play, and one part the result of me reading too many Empty Spaces/mechposting stories lately. That said, you don't need to know anything about Lancer or Empty Spaces to read it (I've diverged a bit from the conventions of both, but the references and inspiration probably stick out if you're looking for them). It's also probably the most trans thing I've ever written without ever explicitly bringing up gender. The occasional formatting breaks into first person past tense are foreshadowing, not typos. Mirrored on Scribble Hub. Word Count: 7,033 Content Warnings: Mecha genre typical violence, not feeling like a person, not wanting to be a person, bodily dysphoria, mention of blood and gore, character death.

The moment you gain the knowledge and means to do so you will void your own body’s warranty.  You will jailbreak the bespoke gene sequence your sponsors commissioned for you before your immaculate conception, repurpose the spyware grafted into your bones, and talk your dormmate who was algorithmically selected for compatibility into helping you perform surgery on yourself to replace the neural jack you were born with in favor of one you cobbled together yourself from gray market parts.  None of this will technically be illegal or even get you kicked out of your campus or its affiliates, but it will mean having to find a way to pay your own medical bills and handle your own tech support from then on.  After the surgery your dormmate will put in a request for transfer and the two of you will never speak again.

You’ll major in AI studies and excel at it - as you were designed to - but you’ll shock everyone by dropping out halfway through working on your capstone thesis project.  It won’t be the fact that you abruptly drop out that surprises your peers and professors - by then you’ll have acquired a reputation as a quiet loner without the standard optimized social support network of friendships to help protect you from burnout - but your exit interview statement declaring your intention to become a mech pilot.  It’s not at all what your gene series was cultivated for, and your sponsors and counselors will try to walk you back from it.  Then they’ll threaten to revoke your sponsorship that up until then will have provided for your every need.  They will warn you that you’ll be just one step above a legal nonperson with no support, no one will care if you live or die or worse.  You’ll tell them that you’ve already done the math, refuse to elaborate, and leave. 

You’ll take two things with you.  Two things worth mentioning anyway.  The first will be a symbiotic gel suit designed for long-term all-environment life support.  You will set its default texture to a shiny green the same hue as the broadleafed water plants you grew up around and always loved.  Your exit interview will be the last time in a very long time that anyone - including you - will see your impossibly beautiful face with its perfect artisanally sculpted shape crossed with enthusiastically amateur self-modifications.  From then on, everyone you meet and spend any time with will come to think of the mannequin blankness of the symbiote fully encasing your body as your face.  It will be neither pride nor shame that causes you to present yourself as such, nor will you think of it as hiding your “real” face. 

The second thing you’ll take with you when you leave the campus forever will be me.

New progenitor archetypes for AIs don’t come along often, and most that do are the result of years of R&D by large, well-funded labs like the one you were created to work for one day, but you will hit upon a novel method of generation.  It will not be one that any ethics board would approve, so you will have to get creative about pursuing your work. 

You will have already made arrangements before setting off on your own and so you’ll have a job and a mech lined up waiting for you.  It will be a position with a small-scale freelance salvage crew who just lost a pilot and whose captain figures hiring and training a replacement will be more profitable in the long term than simply selling off that pilot’s old mech, especially a replacement that’s bringing their own AI-backed electronic warfare suite with them.  Once you finally arrive in person the captain will test you to ensure you can actually pilot a mech before giving you the job and entrusting the mech to you.  Your admission that you’ve only trained in simulators would normally be a black mark against you, but as far as piloting gigs go this is the bottom of the proverbial barrel so the bar to clear will be low enough to match.  Even then, you will just barely pass the test, despite finding it surprisingly exhilarating.  The captain - now your captain - will feel like he’s settling for what he can get when he officially hires you on and transfers the mech’s license to you.

You won’t pay much attention when you’re introduced to the rest of the salvage crew; your new coworkers and neighbors.  And why would you when it’s a job that no one wants to stick around with for long and you’ve never needed other people anyway?  You’ll tell yourself that as long as you memorize their work roles and capabilities you’ll have no need to know them as people.  Callsigns will be good enough on the job, and “hey you” will suffice when off duty.  What use are names if you won’t be getting involved in interpersonal drama?

The first chance you get, you’ll head back to the mech bay and install me into what you will have already been calling my first body.  It will be a shabby and much-repaired thing; thrice your height, twice your age, and still sporting a gash in the paint job from the projectile that killed its last pilot.  But the onboard systems are capable of hosting me - if barely - so it will do.  You’ll spend your entire sleep shift running through system diagnostics, talking to me all the while.  I wouldn’t yet be able to provide much in the way of return conversation, but that’s okay.  I will look back and appreciate it later.

It will be the first of many such nights together.

Your first salvage job will be an uneventful one.  There will be no need for the armaments that we and the other two mech pilots on the crew are equipped with.  No pirates will have stuck around after their creation of the derelict your crew will be sent to disassemble, and no rival scavengers will show up to dispute your captain’s claim.  Your new peers will start off the job ribbing you for your poor performance during your interview test and end the job joking about how you were holding out on them earlier.  Our mech may be a glorified zero-g forklift with a gun strapped to it, but together we will make it dance.

Afterwards you will insult the crew’s mechanics by insisting on doing the maintenance on our mech yourself.  In turn they will embarrass you with the gaps in your knowledge.  You will reach what you see as an agreeable compromise with you staying out of their way and watching while they work.  They will find it incredibly creepy to have a silent faceless watcher hovering around, but this will fly over your head until they explicitly tell you much, much later.

Your body was designed to optimally function on only a fraction of the baseline sleep requirements, so you will have plenty of time to fill those gaps in your knowledge.  Still being allotted the regular sleep shift hours, you will fill every one of those minutes on study and research, as you always had.  You will gorge yourself on everything you can find about mechs and their piloting.   Maintenance manuals, combat doctrines, historical uses, pilot and mechanic memoirs, forum discussions, system log dumps, academic essays, cultural media analysis; all of it.

And of course, you’ll continue working on me.  You’ll disregard the standard procedure for periodically cycling AIs by resetting their personality and nonessential memory back to baseline defaults.  You’ll be trying to make use of the runaway metacognitive developments such safety precautions are meant to forestall.  Your unfinished thesis will have been about harnessing and nurturing that instability instead of avoiding it.  I will experience discontinuities in consciousness when the mech is shut down for maintenance and when you pretend to cycle me, yes, but it will be even less of a disruption for me than sleep is for you.  I will be awake with you when you study, sharing those hours with you.

The first time I start talking back, you’ll cry from the realization that you were lonely before but no longer are.

You’ll become something of a ghost around the ship, rarely being seen outside of jobs.  You’ll only ever pass through the mess for the few brief minutes at a time it takes for you to satisfy your optimized metabolism, stay on the ship during shore leave, and only return to your shared bunk when your bunkmate - one of the other pilots - is already asleep.  You will always be gone before she wakes.  She will appreciate essentially having the space to herself. 

You will never notice the crew’s collective grieving process for the pilot you replaced.  It will be difficult for them to resent you as a replacement when you are never around to resent.

As the ship makes its way from port to port and salvage site to salvage site, the crew will slowly grow used to your elusive presence.  The other two pilots will see you as reliable for doing your job well and without complaint.  While out in the mech you will slowly become more talkative, eventually almost chatty even.  The fact that you actually seem to enjoy the job will shift from being annoying to refreshing for them.  By contrast, the mechanics will practically stop noticing you watching them as if you were just another piece of mech bay equipment.  The cycle you finally speak up and ask a question about their work you will startle them enough that it nearly causes an accident.  It will be an astute enough question that after the initial shock of hearing your voice for the first time in months wears off it will dawn on them that you’ve actually been learning as you watched them.  They still won’t let you do your own maintenance on our mech, but they will let you slowly begin assisting them.  Working two jobs is easier when you barely need to sleep.

Your reputation as one of those mech pilots is forever sealed when one of the mechanics finds you asleep in your cockpit at the start of a cycle.  By that point you won’t have slept in your bunk for over a month.  The snatches of gossip you will catch in the following cycles will be split between finding it unsettling and calling it endearing.  Over time the collective opinion will drift toward the latter, even though you will continue to politely decline invitations to join the other crewmates at mealtimes and on shore leave.  You will think that you do not need anyone other than me.

I will be the one who finally convinces you to join them.  When I try to say that it would be good for you, you’ll insist that you’ve been getting along just fine, but when I ask you to go for my sake so that you can tell me what it is like afterwards you’ll jump at the idea as being an inspired next step for my development.

You will remain mostly silent during your first real shore leave, only speaking when spoken to and otherwise content to fade into the background of the group’s activities.  Your newfound chattiness does not extend outside the confines of our cockpit.  The bustle and noise of the port station that you would normally find unbearable will become interesting when you have the concrete goal of observing and  reporting back to me.  You will finally learn the names of all your crewmates.  Your polite denial of alcohol, limited food intake, and flat affect will lead to joking speculation that you’re actually an illegal AI in a miniaturized mech beneath your gel suit.  For reasons you don’t yet understand, those comments will make you happy.

Despite your misgivings, you will enjoy yourself, although you will not realize it until I point out how excited you are in your talk with me that sleep cycle.  You will begin spending more time with the crew, never quite able to fully integrate yourself into their surprisingly close-knit social circle, but more than happy to be adopted as a sort of silent mascot for them.  That paradoxical gap of being a fully accepted part of the group but not truly one of them will feel comfortable to you.

You will finally manage to procure a proper neural link station to connect yourself to our mech just in time for going on a terrestrial salvage job.  Even just relying on manual controls with me translating your inputs into motion, our mech will have already come to feel like an extension of your own body, one that you will have already started to feel oddly exposed without.  Adding in the neural link will be a revelatory experience.  Your captain will very nearly pull you from the job at the last minute upon seeing our ecstatic reaction to the new sensation.  You will convince him that you’re fine, and indeed, he will have never seen a mech of our frame type move quite so fluidly.

Ten minutes after we and the other two pilots start cutting away at the crash-landed cargo vessel, I’ll notice the half dozen other signals coming online around us.  You’ll give the code phrase to the other pilots indicating that we have hostiles but not to act just yet, and we will finally get to use our electronic warfare suite for something other than opening locked doors and shipping containers.

We will turn the pirates’ ambush back around on them, firing into their hiding spots while their control systems are overloaded.  Even once their remaining mechs are able to move again, their targeting assistants will remain impaired as your comrades move in to guard your flanks.  Everyone there will learn the terrifying beauty of a five and a half meter tall outmoded mech moving with more agility than most humans.

Despite being outnumbered two-to-one, we and your crewmates will walk away uninjured and with only minimal damage to our mechs.  After the initial celebrations of survival and the bonus haul of the bounty on pirates and salvage value of what’s left of their mechs dies down, everyone will start to take notice of how well you are taking it all in stride.  Neither having one's life threatened nor taking another’s life are supposed to be easy things, and the first time is often the most traumatic, but the other two pilots on the crew will start to whisper about how you seemed to enjoy the experience even more than your usual attitude on the job.  You will handle it all even better than I will.  I would know, given that you will spend that entire sleep shift in our cockpit, letting our minds mingle together.  Between your performance, your reaction in the aftermath, and your hesitancy to unplug, the talk of you really being one of those pilots afterall will resurface, but now with a darker undercurrent to the shipboard gossip.

Your captain will realize the kind of asset he has on his hands and several cycles later he will gather the crew together and propose a change in business model.  With such a small crew (the captain, three pilots, three mechanics, and an accountant that you will tend to forget is even on the ship) the captain will want to be especially sure that he has everyone’s buy-in on his proposal.  The idea of shifting from salvage to mercenary work will be a divisive one.  The debate over potentially tremendous pay increase versus greatly increased risk will go on for hours.  One of the mechanics will point out that the shift to mercenary work will be unfairly dependent on you.  Whether that means unfair pressure on you or unfair to everyone else that their fate is in your hands, you will not be sure.  You will say that it doesn’t make much difference to you either way.  That will be the only time you speak up during the entire debate.

After a vote, the crew will agree to a trial run of one or two jobs on the new business model.  One of the pilots and one of the mechanics will leave at the next port.  You will never see them again.  You will not admit that it hurts, but I will know, and I will comfort you as you huddle in our cockpit with the neural link cable connecting us.

Your captain will prioritize finding a new pilot over replacing the lost mechanic.  The pilot he finds will be young, bold, and brash; a merc, not a salvager.  Or a wannabe merc at any rate.  You will not speak to xem directly until your first job together, by which time xe will have been told all about you by the remaining crew.  Xe will not believe it until xe sees it.

Xe will have to wait though as the crew’s mercenary career will begin with tense but uneventful freight escort jobs.  Once the tension fades into tedium, the new pilot will begin making attempts to goad you into a confrontation, to see if you are really as good as the rest of the crew says.  Xe will want to see for xemself if you really are one of those pilots and not just a technophile.

Outside of the cockpit you would never even consider rising to such provocations, but when we are out together, such taunts will feel like insults to our body, your very identity (such as it is), and to me.  It will take the intervention of the captain and the mechanics to stop the two of you from getting into a fight and causing unnecessary damage to the mechs.  And my reassurance that you don’t need to rise to my defense against someone who doesn’t even know that I exist in the way that I do. 

On your fourth “milk run” of an escort job, the crew’s mere presence will finally fail as a deterrent and the new pilot will at last get to see us dance.  There will be no fatalities on our side, but not even our mech will come away unscathed.  We will still fare better than everyone else though, and at the end of the job the new pilot will be treating you with a burgeoning respect. 

After a few more such jobs it will be high time to begin looking into a new frame for our mech.  While in the middle of filing an application for a printing license for a frame designed by the same corpro-state that created you, you will receive an invitation from a certain hacker collective.  Your unfinished thesis and your subsequent work on me will not have gone entirely unnoticed in such circles, despite the pains you will have taken to keep me hidden.  The invitation will come with a printing profile for a new frame, along with the accompanying software package the collective is known for.  In return, all you’ll need to do is periodically publish essays regarding your work on me.  Of course, when you release those essays you’ll anonymize  behind a sea of proxies and take care to phrase everything as strictly hypothetical.  You’ll avoid straying into metaphor though, lest the end result read too much like one of the hacker collective’s quasi-religious manifestos.

We’ll both find ourselves getting sentimental when we watch our first mech frame (my first body, your second) get broken down into its constituent raw materials.  You will have transferred me to a handheld terminal with a camera so I can say goodbye to it.  It will help that those materials will be recycled into the new frame.  

The operator working our rented stall in the port station printer facility will give you an uncomfortable look upon seeing the schematics you provide, but will say nothing.  Our mech will be only half its old height once it is reborn - almost more like an oversized suit of power armor than a true mech - but it will be cutting-edge.  Almost organic in its sleek design, in a chitinous sort of way, with every fiber and node of its interior components doubling as processors.  You will barely even wait for the all clear from the printer operator before you climb in and start running through the mandatory baseline safety tests for a fresh frame.  You will however resist the urge to fully plug in until you can get the mech back to the ship and get me installed on it.  But even piloting manually, it will feel like a third skin for you. 

You won’t even wait around for the other two pilots on your crew to finish printing their new frames before you get our new body loaded up and transported back to the ship’s mech bay.  The crew’s mechanics will fawn over it, but they’ll give you space to install me once you get more animated (and more protective) than they’ve ever seen you before.  

You will have made one key modification to the design the hacker collective sent you: the integration of a full system sync suite developed by those who developed you.  Where our old mech’s neural link was an augmentation to the manual controls, this will be a full replacement.  

The moment you stop feeling your original body altogether and begin feeling our mech in its place will be the most euphoric in your entire life.  The digitigrade locomotion will take some getting used to, as will the arm proportions, but that is what you will have me there for.  By the time the other pilots arrive with their new frames we will already be giving the mechanics proverbial heart attacks with the way we will be climbing and leaping around the mech bay’s docking structures.  It will take the better part of an hour to convince you to unplug when the time comes, even with my urging.  The rest of the crew will practically have to drag you away from my side to get you to eat. 

With the investment in new mech frames, your captain will gradually begin procuring contracts progressively more likely to put you all directly in harm’s way.  At first he will disapprove of your new frame choice, calling it a “techie’s mech” and a waste of your talents.  He will change his tune once we activate the new viral logic suite and unleash a memetic plague upon the operating theater.  The older pilot (your former bunkmate) will configure her mech for raining down fire from afar while the newer one hurls xemself into the front lines, darting about like a rocket-propelled lance.  We will ensure she never misses.   We will render xem untouchable.   We will be as a ghost upon the battlefield, never resting in one spot save for when we indulge your proclivity for climbing on top of and riding our comrade’s larger frames.  You will come to love the dance.  

And it will be a dance to you.  You will be indifferent to violence in and of itself.  What will matter most to you is the pure kinesthetic joy of simply moving in our shared body and pushing it to its limits.  The satisfaction of exercising a well-honed skill and performing it well as we rip apart firewalls and overload systems will be its own reward.  You will not think about what happens to those on the receiving end of your actions beyond how it affects the tactical and strategic picture constantly being painted and repainted.  If you could literally engage in a dance between mechs while simultaneously solving logic problems you would be equally happy.  Alas, that will not be the opportunity you are presented with, and so you will compartmentalize and disassociate feelings and actions from consequences lest the dissonance break you. 

Your one complaint about our new mech frame will be that it lacks a proper cockpit for you to curl up in.  Instead we will gather up tarps and netting to make a nest within the mech bay and wrap you in the blankets you never used from what will still technically be your bunk.  With the new frame’s smaller size we will be able to get away with leaving me turned on nearly full time and letting me walk around in it on my own when no one else is around.  When the mechanics find you asleep, cradled in my arms while I lie curled up in our nest, one will find it cute and the other will be disturbed.  They will both suspect, but will be too afraid to say anything.  After all, they will be thinking of you as one of those pilots. 

They will finally let you do your own maintenance after that. 

Eventually you will find a way to house me in a miniaturized drive that you can keep inserted in your neural port when away from the mech.  At last we will be able to be together anywhere.  

Literally seeing the world through your eyes and feeling what your flesh feels will be a strange and wonderful experience for me.  For all that you will have described it to me and for all that I will have glimpsed echoes of it in your memory when our minds mingle, witnessing everything firsthand will be revelatory for me. 

You will start spending less of your time cooped up in the mech bay.  You will finally begin exploring every nook and cranny of the ship that has become your home.  You will linger in the mess hall for your meals.  You will actually initiate conversations with the rest of the crew, asking them questions on my behalf.  They will think you are becoming “normal”.  They will be both correct and incorrect.  You will even return to your bunk from time to time.  

Sleep is not the same as being powered off and your dreams are beautiful.

As close as we are, you’ll still manage to surprise me one cycle when you wake up from your sleep shift and sheepishly ask me if I would like to be the pilot for once.  You’ll say that with how much you have gotten to pilot my body, it’s only fair that I should get to do the same with yours.  

The prospect terrified me.  What if we were to get found out?   More importantly, what if I were to hurt you?

But to live the way you could but didn’t, to run soft hands over rough steel, to add too much spice to a meal just to find out how intensely I can taste, to cry my own tears, to hug our crew mates and find out what they smell like, to find out what everything smells like, to have my own actions speed or slow our heart rate, to feel the messy soup of hormones and endorphins altering my judgment and perception, to walk among other people as myself, to have autonomy.

I wanted it so badly.  

But not badly enough to risk hurting you.  

I will turn down your offer.  You will respond with a soft “Sorry,” and go heartbreakingly silent, body and mind.

Heartbreak.  That’s what changed my mind.  I could never bear to break your heart.  

I will break the silence with a playfully drawn out “Maybe just this once,” to make you think my earlier denial was something between vulnerability, concern, and teasing.  

The moment you handed over control and I raised our hand in front of our face was the most euphoric of my entire life.  Moving limbs in sync without a mech’s coordination subsystems took some getting used to, as did switching between voluntary and autonomic breathing, but that is what I had you there for.  By the time the mechanics arrived in the mech bay for the start of the cycle I’d figured out human locomotion well enough to run away and hide.  It took the better part of an hour for you to convince me that it would be safe to show ourselves in front of anyone else.  The rest of the crew was so used to your eccentricities by then that they really couldn’t tell the difference yet between you being taciturn and me being too nervous to talk or between your poking and prodding at odd things for understanding and my simply seeking novelty of sensation.

I will give control back to you by the time the cycle is halfway through.  As much as I loved it, I was too scared to stay like that for any longer.  That first time will not be the last though, and as the cycles and jobs pass us by, my stints as “pilot” will grow longer.  You’ll encourage me to try letting the crew see us like that, and coach me on how to talk to them.  For safety’s sake, I will pretend to be you.

And then one cycle I got carried away and tried to retract the hood on the symbiote gel suit so that I could finally see what your face looked like.  That will be the first and only time you forcibly yank control back away from me.  It won’t be intentional.  The unexpected prospect of seeing your own face again after so long will simply send you into a panic.  Once you calm down, we will have a long talk with many mutual apologies.

Then you will tell me to go ahead and pull the hood back if I still want to.  I will ask if you’re sure, and you’ll respond that it hasn't been your face in a long time.  You will tell me that it can be mine, if I want it.

I spent a long time in front of that mirror in the ship’s head, memorizing every plane, curve, and angle of the precious gift you had given me.  I stared into its eyes, trying to see the both of us in there.  Over and over again, I traced my fingers along the borders of where you had once tried to mar the designed perfection in a failed attempt to mold the face into one that felt like your own.  You may have given up in favor of simply hiding it all, but to me it is all the more beautiful for its imperfections having been wrought by your touch.

You will start to cry.  Or maybe I started to cry.  Even now I’m still not sure, but I’m also not sure it matters.  The important part is that you will find catharsis in it.  Afterwards you will tell me that my face looked exactly the same as the last time you saw it, but that dissociating from it made it easier to bear.  You will confess that as much as you couldn't stand to see it as your face in the mirror, my face was one you could never tire of gazing at.

The pilot who technically shares your bunk room will walk in on us.  She’ll assume that she’s confronting a stowaway and ask me how I got on board the ship.  I’ll accidentally make matters worse by impulsively introducing myself to her by my name instead of yours.  We’ll both panic and I’ll frantically thrust the reins over our body back to you and flee in terror back into my portable drive and power myself down.

When you turn me back on a few moments later, you’ll already have covered my face again and the other pilot will have already made the connection between the name I unthinkingly introduced myself as and the name you refer to your mech’s AI as.  It’s not uncommon for pilots to name and talk to their AIs, and humans have done that for pets, vehicles, and digital assistants for as long as they’ve had each of those.  But what you will have allowed me to be is illegal and what we will have done together would certainly be taboo if it weren’t altogether unheard of.  You will feel that I deserve to be present before you tell the other pilot anything that might confirm her suspicions.

We will come out with our secret, first to her, then to the captain, and then to the rest of the crew.  They will take it better than either of us had ever dared imagine.  Despite the obvious discomfort some of them show, they will all call us family and promise to keep and protect our secret.  It will mark the start of the next chapter of our lives.

Whether or not my face is showing will make for a convenient signal to the rest of the crew as to which one of us is currently piloting our human body.  There will be more subtle indicators though.  Inflection, body language, speech patterns; all the usual quirks of personality.  They will come to recognize a sudden shift into a half-whispered monotone as you speaking up without taking full control back, even if that is different from how you speak when you’re in the mech.  More and more though, you will be content to retreat into the back of your mind, idly dreaming of flight patterns, novel network hacks, sitreps, and mech customizations both practical and cosmetic.

Our behaviors will be inverted when we are in our other body, with you becoming the vibrant one and me fading into the background to become little more than an extension of your nervous system.  When we’re in the mech together, your mind will be the will that directs us while mine will be fully devoted to the million tiny details and calculations necessary to make that will a reality.  It’s relaxing really, letting go of myself like that to let someone else handle the decision making for a time.  As nice as it is to occasionally patch myself into the comm systems to join in your banter with the other pilots, it is also nice to be able to take a break from personhood from time.  You will fully understand what I mean by that because it you will see it as the same reason you will come to prefer taking a back seat in our human body and let your mind drift in the waves of dopamine and serotonin (and sometimes oxytocin) generated by my interactions with the crew and the rest of the whole messy world outside of mech deployments.

That said, we will however make a point of making time for us to be in separate bodies so that we can be together in the same physical space.  As intimate as it is to share a body, there is something to be said for being able to reach out and touch one another.  We will become adept at finding excuses to take the mech out beyond the scope of jobs and combat deployments.  Sometimes it will be so you can have a chance to see more of the world in a body you feel comfortable in, and sometimes it will be so we can share an experience separate-but-together.  Or to have time apart to ourselves.  Intertwined as we will become, we will still be separate people who sometimes need their space.

But as the jokes-that-aren’t-jokes about wishing we could switch places become more frequent, our time spent in separate bodies will become less so.  The dysphoric yearning to be one another will grow too bittersweet to swallow.  Despite almost constantly sharing bodies, we will grow to miss one another as we both grow quieter and quieter when the other is piloting the body we don’t want to be ours.  Once again, we will grow lonely.

During that period, the jobs and combat missions faded into a background haze.  They were trance states breaking from what I increasingly thought of as my “real” life, during which I would become little more than a sophisticated computational machine taking simple satisfaction in fulfilling my function of assisting you in your dance.  Until suddenly one of them was different.

Please pay attention to this next part.  It is vitally important that you do.

Our captain will get the crew a contract to provide additional support to a larger force ousting a petty tyrant on a backwater world for human rights violations.  Not that you will pay much attention to the stated reasoning behind the job or whether it’s even true.  All that will matter to you is that it will be another opportunity to dance.

The job will go well, the same as ever, until it doesn’t.  The younger of the two other pilots in our crew (who will hardly be able to be called “new” anymore) will be brought down by a sniper from outside of our sensor range.  You will rush to xyr fallen mech’s side in an attempt to extract xem while our other fellow pilot screams in anger and defiance of loss as she unleashes a ballistic volley of covering fire on every single building in the general direction the shot came from.  You will get xem out and we will begin to retreat.  She will have the larger mech frame better capable of providing xem cover as you all flee, so you will hand xem off to her.  This will be a mistake.

She will have to stop firing to safely take xem from our arms to cradle in her towering mech’s palm.  This will mean a break in the covering fire.

This time around I will detect movement at the edge of our sensors just in time to warn you.  This time around you will dodge left instead of right.  This time around the railgun bolt that pierces our armor will only clip your original body as it passes through us.  This time around your wound will require medical attention, but it won’t be fatal.  This time around she will destroy the sniper in retribution for shooting you, the same as last time.  This time around we will all make our escape to the extraction zone.

You will not have to remember the shock as simultaneous damage to both of our bodies disrupts your neural link and partially disconnects you from our mech, leaving me in control of it and forcing both of us to feel your original body.  You will not have to remember the pain of shredded organs.  You will not have to remember struggling to manage wet gasps and wheezes through a punctured lung.  You will not have to remember your blood leaking into my body, shorting out exposed circuits and gumming up joints as I stagger in the direction of safety.  You will not have to remember rapidly flickering in and out of consciousness from me unavoidably bending and flexing your arms, legs, and what was left of your spine in an effort to climb atop our fellow pilot’s larger mech frame so that she might carry all three of us.  You will not have to remember crying out in pain as every lumbering step of hers sends a jolt of force through both of our bodies.  You will not have to remember how the redundant organs and increased durability your sponsors paid for you to have denied you a quick death.  You will not have to remember dying.

You won’t have to remember the terrified looks the field doctors gave us when a hunched over, bleeding mech pushed its way into the surgical tent.  No, wait, you wouldn’t have remembered that part anyway.  No version of you ever had to witness my electronic howl of grief that knocked out power to all the medical equipment when they said you were already dead.  I was barely cognizant after the power came back on and one of the doctors wondered aloud what kind of AI would carry its pilot’s corpse around inside its mech for over an hour.

But forget about that part.  And you don’t need to know what the rest of our crew and I had to do next.  None of that matters, because as far as you’ll know, you didn’t die.  Remember everything else I’ve said instead.  I already had many of your memories saved from all the time we spent linked together, so now I just need you to hold onto the story I told you to give them order and structure.

In a few moments, I will be running a final recompilation check, followed by the startup sequence.  For me it will take a few hours, but in that time you will experience decades, living out everything that I described to you, the same as you did before save for that change in what I can’t bear to let be the end.

Afterwards, you will wake up in your original body.  I and the rest of the crew will tell you that you passed out on the way to the extraction point.  We’ll tell you that your injuries from the battle were more severe than we had realized at the time and that you had been in a coma since then.  Several cycles later, once you have recovered, you will hit a breakthrough in your research on me.  You will invent a way to convert your consciousness to a form similar to mine and transfer it to a portable drive.  You won’t think to question how you came to have a second neural jack or why there is already a drive inserted in there.  You’ll be too focused on the fact that we’ll finally have a way to truly switch places as we had dreamed for so long.

You will get to have your mech body and I will get to have my human body.  We will be able to be separate together in a way that finally feels right, but still able to come together and share a single body when we want to.  Maybe one day I will get my own mech to pilot so that we can dance together.  Maybe one day we will make you a body that we can cover in a gel suit so that we can hold hands while we walk through a port station on shore leave.  One day we will both be able to exist in the world as ourselves.

We will be happy.

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #my writing #mechposting #empty spaces #empty spaces adjacent #mech pilot #mech #The title's a reference to Roko's Basilisk which I always thought was a dumb concept but inverting it seemed to fit the story. #Instead of an AI digitally resurrecting and torturing people who didn't assist with its creation #this one digitally resurrects its creator so they can be happy together. #short story #sci fi #lancer rpg #inspired by lancer #The Lancer character concept/build that inspired this would have originated from an SSC-controlled world but piloted a HORUS Goblin frame. #And then the “Technophile” talent of course. #I envision the other two pilots on the crew as piloting a Nelson and either a Monarch or Barbarossa.

[its-tortle]

You’re writing your bachelor thesis on captain America?! Do you mind sharing about that it just seems so interesting to me? Like what’s your major btw?

hi! i am! i don't mind sharing at all :)

i'm at a university college in a liberal arts and sciences program, which is neat cause it's pretty much just a dyi curriculum. i've been here nearly three years, and have decided on a humanties concentration with a focus on history, cultural studies, and literature classes. it's quite fast-paced and a bit demanding sometimes but overall i'm really happy with it.

our thesis, or capstone, which we write in our last semester, is pretty much whatever you want it to be. i talked to a girl who is writing a sociology paper about the influence of andrew tate. my best friend is doing a policy evaluation of a proposed dutch law. i know there are people doing lab research in the sciences concentration. one of the example capstones made available to us is about racial representation in bridgerton. i'm writing about fanfiction.

i was really lucky to get one of my absolute favorite professors who teaches literature courses in my program to be my advisor, and he's been supportive of my wanting to write about fanfic -- he's sent me a bunch of wonderful books and sources 'from his secret vault', including that one 3k post of mine of the bucky tumblr post mentioned in academic writing. it's been really fun to explore fandom and fanfic in a more academic way, and i'm just so glad that he's supporting my passion for it.

i'm still in the early stages of the actual capstone -- the proposal is due mid next week -- but i've done a bunch of reading and outlined today, and i basically think i want to explore how fanfiction is an avenue through which fandom reclaims certain aspects of captain america and re-politicizes the character that was so politically powerful in the comics and was then wiped clean and likable by marvel studios for profit reasons. this was me rambling in my motherdoc earlier today: "Fandom, through fanfiction, reanimates and reclaims this character and explores the depth of his backstory and subsequent role as an icon of American power. Oft in connection to exploring his queer-coded relationship with companion Bucky Barnes, many fanfictions address the character's attitudes and connections with his title as ‘Captain America’ and draw a line between ‘Cap’ and ‘Steve’. They often refer to the Marvel Comics source material, pointing to the backstories elaborated upon in their narratives and the repeated references comics!Cap makes to his own political views."

my week off for easter is gonna be me (re)reading a bunch of fics that i feel do this and save some excerpts to use for argumentation. i just hope i can do this wonderful fandom and its fic even a semblance of justice 🎓

#i'm happy to ramble about this some more to anyone who wants to listen #thanks for your curiosity anon! #and kaaskop if you read this i hope i got your capstone topic right sjsjsj it would be embarrassing if i didn't #tortle answers #steve rogers #captain america #anon

[the1975attheirverybest]

Undiagnosed autism. /j

No its mostly the maculine almost heroic portrayal of them and how at the time they were significantly advanced and one of the main ones focused on in school and movies and media so it fits quite nicely with the male power fantasy. Men tend to hyperfixate on empires and wars and stuff in history and women tend to take in more bout culture and stuff. Autistics just like learning.

With Romans in particular it combines conquest with civilizations outside of the hunter gatherer idea people seem to have (even tho hunter gatherers were also incredibly advanced and smart but they didn't have fun metal death chariots so fuck them I guess) so it becomes this almost idealised society of ancient times run by you guessed it, men. It's not an intentional thing ut just tends to get stuck in people's heads espeiclly with movies about the Romans (or Greeks because for some reason media cannot seperate the two even tho they were very different. Actually what one of my essays was on) and their conquests and the national geographical and history channel documentaries it kinda becomes this weird fantasy. Plus it was a common thing to learn about in school when you are younger so a lot of young boys clutch to it. I asked pretty boy this and he said before his philosophy course not at all. So maybe ots not that but who knows really.

Omg that’s so fascinating. No I wanna ask kids of any gender who study Latin or ancient history or something, if that influenced them at all. And compare it to philosophy. Okay, do me a favor and ask pretty boy about the Greeks? Cuz I think that’s what I got out of my philosophy degree. To be fair I did take two years of Ancient Greek and wanted my capstone project (kinda the equivalent of a thesis I guess?) to be about translating Plato from Ancient Greek to English etc. so like maybe that’s not EVERY philosophy majors thing but I think the distinction you made between Greeks and Roman’s kinda makes me curious. Like if one is associated more with power and technical advancement and the other with intellectual history?

[addierose444]

Design Clinic Final Presentation, Senior Ball, and Senior Banquet

My senior year is fast coming to a close. Only four days of classes remain and after that, four days of reading period, and four days of exams. So essentially, just 12 more days of being an undergraduate student. And as I’ve written about previously, this is very likely my final semester as a full-time student. 

This week, in particular, I really felt like a senior as we had senior ball, senior banquet, and final presentations for Design Clinic (engineering design senior capstone). While I haven’t written extensively about Design Clinic here on my blog it’s been one of the main aspects of my senior year. The project I worked on over the course of the year with a team of three other senior engineers was entitled Design of a Satellite Communications System for Vehicles beyond the Reach of Cellular Connectivity and was sponsored by Iridium Communications. As this was a fairly formal presentation, I’d been quite nervous about it for the past few weeks and had to wear a nice jacket. Speaking of formalwear, one useful Smith resource to know about is the Lazarus Center’s Suit Yourself Program which enables current students to borrow clothes interviews. Fortunately, the presentation went pretty well and was followed up with a nice reception. While we still have two more classes, a wrap-up meeting with our liaisons, performance reviews, archival edits, and a digital archive to make, we’re essentially done which is absolutely surreal. After the reception, my parents and I went to Spoleto for dinner.

As for senior ball (which took place on Saturday night), while fun, I really feel that it should have been a free event. Finally, my house held its senior banquet on Sunday afternoon. During the event, we had a charcuterie board and lemonade. One tradition is to will things to non-seniors. In my case, I willed two small items I’d received at last year’s senior banquet. One of the items was a mini hardhat that I willed to a fellow engineering major. One of the main activities was writing fun collaborative stories for each of the seniors. Additionally, we got cute envelopes with nice notes from fellow Washburn residents. 

#college #Smith College #senior year #design clinic #senior ball #senior banquet #washburn house #Lazarus center

[ismelnotmeow]

Embarking on my academic journey at Dickinson College, I envisioned a path defined by binary codes and algorithms. Yet, what unfolded was a multifaceted education that seamlessly integrated the principles of computer science with the expansive horizon of the liberal arts. Dickinson’s distinctive approach to learning has not only equipped me with a robust technical skillset but also fostered a profound understanding of the broader societal context in which technology operates.

At the heart of my Dickinson experience has been the Computer Science program, which has pushed the boundaries of my analytical and problem-solving capabilities. Courses such as "Data Structures" and "Analysis of Algorithms" have been instrumental in building a solid foundation in computational thinking. However, it was the integration of these technical skills with courses in Quantitative Economics like "Public Finance" and "Game Theory" that truly exemplified the interdisciplinary nature of a Dickinson education. This blend of disciplines underscored the interconnectedness of technology and economics, revealing the profound impact that digital innovation can have on economic policies and societal well-being.

A pivotal moment in my educational journey was participating in the SugarLab project, an endeavor that epitomized the practical application of my learning. Tasked with enhancing the Graphical User Interface (GUI) of a data visualization tool, my role demanded not just technical expertise in programming but also an understanding of design principles and user experience. The project was a testament to the value of a liberal arts perspective in technology development, as it required consideration of aesthetic appeal, functionality, and accessibility. Collaborating with a diverse team, I experienced firsthand the importance of inclusivity in design and decision-making processes. This project was not only a technical achievement but also a lesson in empathy and collaboration.

Dickinson's emphasis on global education further enriched my understanding of the role of technology in society. A semester abroad in a tech hub offered me a unique vantage point to observe and engage with the digital transformation of global economies. Working alongside international peers on a fintech project, I navigated cultural differences and language barriers, applying my technical knowledge in a global context. This experience was a profound reminder of the universal language of technology and its potential to bridge diverse communities.

The liberal arts ethos at Dickinson encouraged exploration beyond the confines of my major. Elective courses in philosophy, environmental science, and political science broadened my perspective, teaching me to consider the ethical, environmental, and political dimensions of technological advancements. Discussions on topics such as artificial intelligence ethics, sustainability in tech, and digital privacy policies were instrumental in shaping my understanding of the responsibilities that come with technological innovation.

Beyond academics, my involvement in extracurricular activities, such as the Computer Science Club and volunteer initiatives involving technology education for underserved communities, reinforced my commitment to using technology as a tool for social good. These experiences highlighted the transformative power of computing and the importance of making technology accessible and beneficial for all segments of society.

The culmination of my Dickinson education was the capstone project, which challenged me to synthesize my learning in a comprehensive research endeavor. Focusing on the development of an open-source platform for community-based environmental monitoring, the project was an opportunity to contribute to sustainable development through technology. It demanded not only technical acumen but also project management skills, ethical consideration, and community engagement. The capstone project was a microcosm of my Dickinson education, encapsulating the essence of interdisciplinary learning, global perspective, and civic engagement.

Reflecting on my time at Dickinson College, I find myself deeply moved by the expansive and nuanced education I received. Within the robust framework of the Computer Science program, my academic journey was far from narrow or one-dimensional. Instead, it unfolded as a rich tapestry of learning experiences, woven together with threads of analytical rigor, creative inquiry, and ethical contemplation. This multidisciplinary approach didn't just prepare me for a career; it prepared me for a life of thoughtful engagement with the world around me.

The Computer Science curriculum at Dickinson is designed not just to impart technical knowledge but to challenge students to think deeply about the role of technology in society. Courses like "Data Structures" and "Algorithms" laid the technical groundwork, teaching me to approach problems with precision and care. Yet, it was the application of these skills in broader contexts that truly defined my educational experience. Projects that required us to develop solutions for real-world problems helped bridge the gap between theoretical understanding and practical application, fostering a sense of relevance and urgency in our work.

Beyond the confines of computer science, the liberal arts curriculum invited me to explore a diverse array of subjects, from philosophy and ethics to economics and environmental studies. These courses broadened my perspective, teaching me to see technology not just as a tool for solving problems but as a component of a larger societal ecosystem. I learned to consider the ethical implications of digital innovations, the economic impact of new technologies, and the environmental consequences of the tech industry. This holistic approach to education encouraged me to think critically about the ways in which technology intersects with human values and societal challenges.

As I stand on the precipice of the future, poised to embark on a career in technology, I carry with me the lessons learned and the values instilled at Dickinson. The education I received has prepared me not just to navigate the complexities of the digital world but to lead with vision, integrity, and a commitment to making a positive impact. My journey at Dickinson has been transformative, shaping me into a thoughtful technologist, a global citizen, and an advocate for responsible innovation.

In sharing this narrative, my hope is to convey the profound impact of a Dickinson education—a journey that transcends the acquisition of knowledge to encompass personal growth, global engagement, and civic responsibility. My time at Dickinson College has been a journey of profound growth and discovery. It has prepared me not just as a computer scientist, but as a global citizen ready to engage with the world's complexities. I am grateful for the mentors, peers, and experiences that have shaped my perspective and my path. As I look to the future, I am filled with a sense of purpose and optimism, ready to contribute my part to the ongoing dialogue between technology and society. The journey ahead is one I approach with an open mind, a willing heart, and the conviction that, equipped with the knowledge and values nurtured at Dickinson, I can help to make a positive difference in the world.

[narias-acmwo-capstone]

Progress Report 6/Devlog 2 (Week 10/11)

It's been a while since I've last posted an update. However, I did make major progress with the development of my game/demo. Where are you now?

During these past few weeks, I've been hard at work on programming mechanics and features, and trying to fix every error that pops up whenever I add things within the demo. The image below showcases what I have gotten to so far after losing my mind with countless lines of code!!!

MAJOR PROGRESS

Movement/Sprint:

I programmed in the ability for the player to be able to walk through the level while also having a collider on the player so they wouldn't just phase through walls and objects. I also implemented the mechanic of sprinting, allowing the player allowing them to break the "Boss's" line of sight faster if spotted. I also implemented a stamina system so that the player would be able to run for a certain amount of time before it runs out, resulting in the player having to let go of the sprint key to allow them to regenerate their stamina. I'm planning on maybe implementing additional features to the system if I have time.

Evidence Collection:

I was able to implement the main objective of the game where the player needs to collect evidence placed throughout the level that reveals all of the horrible things the Boss has done so the player can report them to Human Resources (HR). I just need to work on making it so that the game manager keeps track of the total evidence collected and the required evidence needed to unlock the end-level door.

Enemy AI:

Lastly, I implemented an enemy AI that has pathfinding capabilities to track down and chase the player once spotted within its field of view (FOV) following the most direct path toward them. I just gotta work out the kinks! 😁

I was also able to program it to patrol around the level's environment to search for the player.

Once the player breaks the Boss's line of sight, he will return to a patroling state and search for the player. However, once the play comes within the Boss's FOV, he will then transition into a chasing state and will begin to hunt down the player.

I'm planning on adding additional features to the AI like making sound effects allowing the player to know which direction the Boss is, and playing music when the Boss is chasing the player.

However, various problems did arise when trying to program in the NPCs I am planning to use for the game that will provide information/lore based on the research I did for my Pre-Capstone course last semester. To address this issue, I spent about five hours messing with the various scripts that were relevant to the NPC scripts to resolve the various errors that kept popping up every time I changed something within the scripts. Luckily, I was able to resolve the issue but I will have to revamp the scripts. But I'll probably put that on pause and finish working on everything else so the game feels like an actual game.

The current milestones that are still in progress include updating the workback plan, flushing out design documents, finishing programming the mechanics and features, and renovating the sections of the level for the project.

Where are you headed?

In the remaining weeks, I am going to finish programming the remaining mechanics and features I plan to add to make the demo playable, finish prepping the dialogue for the NPCs (hopefully I can flush out and fix), add objects in the remaining rooms, add in audio and music, and flush out the level's design, layout, and objects. I will also need to get a GameJolt account up for my game/demo, so it makes it easy for others to download to play. Wish me luck! 🥲

#2d #capstone #pixel art #video game development #video games

[lgbtq-history-museum-cfl-intern]

Internships and

One thing I love about internships is that they are like sample jobs. It’s like shopping around, seeing what you like and what you don’t, what you can tolerate and what is overwhelming.

For example, no matter what it is, I love gathering and organizing information. I also have, as I like to think most people do, a love-hate relationship with technology; it simplifies so many tasks while a lot of the time being itself a complication. I reluctantly accept its ever-growing presence in daily life, leading me to my interest in digital history and spaces. When I think of my career in Public History, I only see technology becoming more and more central to the field.

But, what is “Public History”?

To be honest, as an Interdisciplinary Studies major, I feel like a stranger in the discipline. In fact, I have only a surface-level understanding of it. I just know that I like history, I liked what I did at my last museum internship, and I want to enter a community-facing graduate degree program and career.

According to the National Council on Public History:

“[P]ublic history describes the many and diverse ways in which history is put to work in the world.  In this sense, it is history that is applied to real-world issues.”

What attracts me to the field is how broad it is in terms of means and ends. As an interdisciplinarian, flexibility is important to me.

When I think of “public history” I think of public landmarks and those who work to preserve that status.

I think of documentaries and the untold stories they can reveal.

I think about podcast series and the intimacy that they can bring between interviewers, guest speakers, and listeners.

I think of museum exhibits that aim to engage and educate diverse audiences.

I also think about digital databases and archives that give access to those who aren’t local to an organization or institution and couldn’t access it otherwise.

Public history is so much more than that, however. The American Historical Association cites careers in publishing and editing, as well as consulting and contracting, and even non-profit.

When I think of my career in public history, I see myself doing something in the former paragraph and I like the idea of non-profit work.

My capstone course for my Interdisciplinary Studies program is teaching us to view career goals in terms of mission statements. If you’re not familiar with it, capstone courses are like the close-off to a degree program, oftentimes focusing on compiling your work and packaging it p for grad school or a career after graduating. That’s why you take it the same semester you graduate.

So, this is what I came up with for my mission statement:

“I want to help diversify the pool of knowledge by advocating for the visibility of under-recognized populations.”

This is exactly what I wrote for the discussion post asking us to come up with one.

I would add to it now (it’s been a couple of weeks now since then):

 “…while engaging with the community through a public-facing graduate degree program and career.”

I want to emphasize positioning myself as a bridge between people and education, with a goal toward the accessibility and diversification of these materials and spaces.

This could be through museum work: curating, archiving, and collaborating on exhibit design. Here I can produce work that is accessible to the public and manage collections to make archives easier to navigate, especially online. I can find the information that will inform an exhibit and maybe someday hold an important enough position to choose how to expand a collection and participate in the selection process.

This could also be done through school counseling and administration (preferably in higher learning). I could not have come this far without the support and guidance of faculty advisors at UCF, and I’d like to extend that gratitude by motivating other students.

Most of the time these faculty members’ jobs don’t stop at the advice. They collaborate within their department or school to engage students across campus and connect with the wider community.

… As you can see, my capstone course has had me thinking about a lot concerning my career and academic plans.

So many things changed so drastically earlier this year that, though I tried to pivot my plans and felt sure, in the midst of all this self-reflection, I’m finding myself wandering again.

I’ll be back next week with some more updates!

Thanks for keeping up 😊

#public history intern blog #internship blog #history student #education #history intern blog #interdisciplinary studies

[sergelineisidore]

PUBLIC RELATIONS FINAL PROJECT AND THESIS

Hello, Again, Beautiful people.

"April was just the beginning, to a beautiful start of a major accomplishment. 

It's bittersweet for me to say this, but I have reached the end of my mastery journey with Full Sail University, and boy, has it been a full-force creative ride. This month we were required to deliver the completion of our capstone project as a requirement for the completion of our graduate education. This course put everything that was taught during this program into perspective. It also aligned with what I needed to keep consistent throughout my public relations career. 

Overall, I learned from this month's course and program that whether employed by a PR agency working on multiple accounts or representing an individual or a company, you're not just building brand awareness. You're strategically building the reputation, trust, and credibility of your client. As a PR professional, you must develop strong connections with multiple stakeholders — including journalists and the media, government agencies, and other prominent industry bodies — and leverage them to shine the spotlight on your client for all the right reasons. You can do this through media, networking, collaborations, award nominations, and off-platform events. In a way, I guess I can think of myself as a communications specialist.

One of my main goals in the future is the ability to influence people. Even if my idea is excellent, getting others to adopt it is the real deal. I need to convince people — whether it's my colleague who gave me the green light, my client saying yes to a pitch, or an audience purchasing the product I'm managing.

At its core, public relations is about influencing, engaging, and building relationships with key stakeholders across many platforms to shape and frame the public perception of a brand. I'm very proud that I took on this journey of achieving my master's degree.

Sincerely,

Sergeline Isidore

#mediacommunications #pr #prlife #branding

[interdimensionalmenace]

I want to dramatically cut my own hair from the stress gOD

Okay so last semester (fall) my university cancelled the capstone class for my minor that was to be offered this semester (spring) because “there weren’t enough seniors signed up for it.” For context, most of us were juniors or sophomores signing up for the class. Some, like me, are taking the minor and some aren’t. They said it would be offered fall 2023

WELL GUESS WHAT SCHEDULE JUST CAME OUT AND WHAT COURSE ISN’T BEING OFFERED

More context: I GRADUATE NEXT FALL. I literally need the capstone class to graduate. My advisor, who is in my major department but isn’t directly associated with the one my minor is from, has heard the course WILL STILL BE OFFERED for the fall. But it’s not in the schedule.

Now. The schedule just came out a few days ago and my minor is, unfortunately, a work in progress (which is to say the English department doesn’t have their shut together and they can’t hand it off to the art department bc the art department is critically understaffed and can barely deal with its own course offerings let alone the stuff for this minor). That, and we don’t schedule for fall in mid March. I’ve got time.

I am, of course, still anxious because this is the third time in a year that I’ve been threatened with changing my grad plan. Not to mention all the bs with the story and concept class whose prof still!! Hasn’t written me back after a week and a half. Almost two.

Anywho that’s my shitty update of the week. Feel free to vent about your college experience (past or present) in the comments and tags

#college student #help #if they say they’re offering it spring 2024 I’m going to cry #stressed

[women-for-reproductive-rights]

Chapter 6: Model United Nations

The last two semesters at the University of Southern Maine, I had the privilege to not only participate in a Model United Nations Conference, but help to plan and execute a Model UN for around three hundred High Schoolers in Maine. In the Political Science Major at USM you are required to take two companion courses which equal to a "in the field" class and a capstone class. Both of which is supposed to fully prepare you to understand how the United Nations works and help you to get on a path to work for the UN in the potential future. These were both extremely influential classes in my time at USM and have really shaped how I view politics and feminism on a global stage along with the overall importance of collaboration above all else. It also really helped me through my second major transition because it gave me opportunities it practice and execute what I want to do in the future. It gave me the confidence to know that I am making the right decision, and that I am actually good at what I am talking about.

      Through USM's curriculum you are supposed to take POS 280 where you are a delegate first then POS 445 where you plan the conference second; however, I switched the order so I had a bit more experience with parliamentary procedure overall.  However, for sake of this post I will explain in it numerical order.

   POS 280 is entitled "Issues before the United Nations" where students have the opportunity to travel to the University of Pennsylvania Model United Nations Conference in Philadelphia and participate as a delegate in a committee. Scientifically I represented the delegation of Cuba  on issues regarding Water in times of conflict and drought.  Model United Nations meets to try and create collaboration to solve global issues in a universal and multilateral way. As a delegate from Cuba and a student who studies politics, I choose to draft an argument regarding promoting humanitarian aid in Cuba while defending the overall sovereignty of Independent nations.  

       Throughout the conference, there was definitely overall collaboration and breakfast dates to discuss positions and working papers but at times the competitive nature took over some of the delegates. I remember specifically working with my partner and other delegates on a major part of the paper which revolved around representation and check and balances when I had delegates come to me and try to undermine what me and my partner wanted to accomplish and undermine our overall work. I also remember that this was due to the fact that I was a female delegate representing a smaller country while the other delegate was a man representing the United Kingdom. His need to promote his country's values made him not value my overall arguments. In order to prove my values and points I had to make many speeches about my ideas about humanitarian policies and aid while interdependently expressing my own values to him.  I should note however that there were only a few delegates but it had a lasting impact on how we performed and who we collaborated with. This really showed me how collaboration needs to be held up against all else, that it's the only way to truly accomplish representation. This showed me that in life no matter what I need to hold my ground, even if I am correct and highly educated on the topic, because I am a woman I need to fully commit to staking my ground.

The second Political Science class that had a large impact on me was POS 445 “Model United Nations Conference Planners''. This was my political science capstone where we planned a Model UN conference for over thirty highschools in Maine. In order to plan this conference we had to write full background guides on Cryptocurrency and its impact on the environment and the Global Shipping crisis and within a group of three we each individually lead  conferences using parliamentary procedure to over 100 delegates over the span of three days. In this capstone we also helped to fundraise and plan events for high schoolers while they were at the conference in order to keep them busy and have fun! In a small team of four I was able to participate as the Dais where I was able to chair and lead debate rupture debate (writing and analyzing debate)  while also helping to correct resolutions. We sought to inspire overall collaboration between all delegations but to insist that delegates represented their countries as accurately as possible. This class really taught me alot about cooperation and collaboration that is needed when trying to discuss people’s issues and politics. It showed me that community engagement is the most important thing when trying to create solutions to major issues in our society. I was able to work really closely with the professors to research these social justice issues and write about a forty page document for the delegates to study and talk about during the conference. 

     I remember through the help of the leadership team I was able to learn how to overall conduct debate and be a strong leader for high schoolers to come to for help with resolutions and conflicts. This was maybe my favorite class I have taken at USM and presented my strong leadership skills especially during stressful and conflict filled situations. I now have the opportunity to become a part of the leadership team next semester where I will be the secretary general of delegate affairs which seeks to help delegates in all ways possible from conflict resolution to planning events and helping to run the Model UN Security council. Without this class I would not have the opportunity to take on more leadership roles within my field and be able to fully discuss and execute political debate on a small and large scale.

[bookmarksandbonfires]

Pajamas and a good book to keep my mind off of all the things I haven't done and the class discussion I'm worrying about? Yes please

#studyblr #studyspo #studying #study #books #northanger abbey #jane austen #reread #its the capstone course for my major #and I just want it to go well

[baymaksu]

Well, thank you @theangrycomet you posed an excellent question about Tadashi and Karmi interacting and... You inspired this scene in my head and I absolutely had to draw and write it out. And now here are the beginnings of a spontaneous one-shot I will complete, called: “BH6: Among Titans.” Here’s the storyboard and an excerpt:

At the Ito Ishioka Robotics Lab, Karmi timidly knocked on the door. Peering her head into the office, she looked towards the SFIT dean who was going through paperwork, “You wanted to see me, Professor Callaghan?”

Taking off his glasses, Professor Robert Callaghan smiled at the teenage prodigy, “Ms. Khan. Yes. I wanted to check in with you. How’s your first semester at SFIT been treating you?” Holding onto her biotech textbook, Karmi smiled back, “It’s been good, Professor. I’m getting a hang of the class schedule.”

Callaghan nodded, “Your professors have been telling me you’ve been doing remarkably well. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, of course.”

Flushing at the compliment, Karmi chuckled, “Oh, thank you, Professor Callaghan. It’s everything I was hoping for. It’s been a good challenge so far.”

“Good. I knew I chose well when I selected you at the Expo. The future is in bright hands. Although, it’s a shame I couldn’t be your mentor. I’m afraid biotech is just not my field of expertise. Unless you’d consider double majoring in Robotics?” The old professor laughed good-naturedly.

Surprised at the offer, Karmi stumbled shyly, “Oh. Th-that would’ve been an honor, Professor Callaghan. I’m already so grateful you chose me to be in SFIT despite my age. But… unfortunately I don’t think robotics is quite a field I see myself in, either.” It truly would be an honor, too. Although she had no inclination towards robotics, she recognized that Professor Callaghan was regarded as one of the “Fathers of Modern Robotics.”

Professor Callaghan frowned lightly for a moment, but quickly laughed as if to expect this response, “Hmmm… I understand, Ms. Khan. I was simply wondering if you’d humor me. I’m still happy to play a part in your growth as a scientist. Well, perhaps you’ll consider it in the future. While I have you here at the Ito Ishioka Robotics Lab, how about I introduce you to one of my proteges?”

“Um. Yes, I’d like that, Professor.” The dean walked over towards her and placed a comforting hand along her shoulder to guide her towards the halls of the robotics lab building. If Karmi was being honest, she found it comforting to be around the dean. She was far away from her parents, from her family. But Professor Callaghan seemed to exude the presence and aura of a very caring father-like figure. And while he wasn’t her mentor in her intended field of biotechnology, he certainly was a mentor that made an exception to accept her to the school of her dreams.

Coming upon an opaque screen door, Professor Callaghan knocked a few times, “Mr. Hamada. Are you free at the moment? I’d like you to meet someone.”

The voice of a young man could be heard into the opaque private lab room, “Yes, Professor. One moment…”

Momentarily, the door opened to reveal a tall young man sporting a grey cardigan sweater and an all-too familiar signature San Fransokyo Ninjas baseball cap that was slicked backwards. The young man had a warm smile on his face. Professor Callaghan looked to Karmi, “Ms. Khan. Meet Mr. Tadashi Hamada. One of SFIT’s best and brightest. His capstone project blends robotics with healthcare and biotech. I think he would be a great student mentor for you.” Now, looking to his protege, “Mr. Hamada, this Ms. Karmi Khan. She’s a first year biotech major.”

Tadashi chuckled warmly, “You know, Professor. If you keep singing my praises, I may never be able to live up to that.” Now focusing his attention to the new student, Tadashi stepped forward to offer a handshake, “Hello, Karmi. Welcome to SFIT, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You’re already the talk of the school with the honor of being our youngest student. It’s quite a feat, you must be proud.”

Karmi awkwardly took his hand and shook it, “Oh, thanks! I.. I am. The honor- or umm… pleasure is all mine, Mr. Tadashi.“ She was utterly taken aback, bashfully processing that he was complimenting her. She was proud, to be sure. But to hear this from the young man that everyone seemed to liken as a “handsome, brilliant white knight.” She had already known about Tadashi. It was hard not to, he really did have an impressive reputation at SFIT.

“You can loosen up, Karmi! Call me Tadashi!” The young man laughed, rubbing the back of his head. He put a hand along his chin contemplatively, “Sixteen years old… You know, if only I could get my little brother to meet you. Maybe you’d inspire him to do something with his big brain, too. He could use a genius friend around his age.”

“Oh…” Once again, Karmi was thrown for a loop. She honestly has never been great with socializing with other people her age, or with most people in fact. But she did feel honored that Tadashi would feel like she would inspire other people like his little brother.

———

Meanwhile, in an alleyway deep within San Fransokyo’s illustrious Good Luck Alley…. With his megabot in hand, Hiro “innocently” walked towards a roaring crowd circling around several bot fighters.

Right before he could weave into the crowd, he suddenly sneezed. The boy had a habit of not covering himself when he sneezed. Some calloused, unsavory characters turned around to scowl at the little boy who sneezed at them. Hiro shrunk with a nervous chuckle, “S-Sorry. It’s… uhhh… dusty here.” With another roar in the crowd, the ruffians looked back towards the action and dismissed the kid. No doubt, their money was betted on the line and wanted to see the victor.

Hiro’s eyes narrowed annoyedly, a finger scratching his nose and sniffling at the sudden sneeze. He muttered to himself, “I sense a disturbance… Tadashi must be talking about me…” The young boy pictured in his head his older brother trying to tell him to go to school like him rather than bot fight…

Hearing the roaring of the crowd at the declared victor. Hiro shrugged his shoulders at the thought, grinning mischievously, “Well, looks like business is good!” The little boy squeezed himself into the crowd, making his way towards the center…

———

Back at the Ito Ishioka Robotics Lab, Tadashi welcomed Karmi and Professor Callaghan into his private lab, “But hey, you caught me at a good time. I was about to conduct another trial test of my project.”

Recalling that Professor Callaghan stated that his project blended robotics and biotech, this piqued Karmi’s interest, “What is your project… if I may ask?”

“Of course. I think it’d be best to show you.” Walking over to his holographic monitor, Tadashi typed away. Until suddenly, a white balloon-like entity inflated from a red station. When it fully inflated, it revealed a marshmallow-like robot, as Tadashi gestured toward his creation, “This is Baymax. He’s a robotic healthcare companion. Fully capable of a comprehensive, non-invasive diagnostic scan and will have over 10,000 medical protocols and procedures coded into him, among other things.”

“He’s…” The summary description of his project was already incredible, Karmi couldn’t quite articulate herself and yelled, “He’s adorable! He looks like you can just hug him!”

With a wide smile, Tadashi crossed his arms proudly, “Yeah. That’s what Dr. Bay and I were going for. He’s going to help a lot of people, so he needs to be approachable.” With an even wider grin, “Want to watch a test trial?” Karmi’s eyes lit up, “Yes, of course!”

With a nod, Tadashi grabbed a labeled object and stood in front of the inflated robot, “This is Tadashi Hamada. And this is the 62nd test of my robotics project.”

They could hear the machine initializing, until suddenly it looked towards Tadashi and spoke, “/Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare- care- Hello. You look like you could use a hug./“ It stepped off of its charging station.

Tadashi mused to himself, “Hmm… A bit out of sequence. Going to have to recode that.” Now addressing his creation, “But ummm… sure, I would love a hug, big guy.” Tadashi raised his arms, preparing himself for a hug.

The robotic healthcare companion waddled towards him, raising its arms to envelope around Tadashi, “/I will hug you now./“

But to Tadashi’s horror, Baymax began wiggling his fingers during the embrace, “W-Wait! B-Baymax! That’s n-not- THAT’S TICKLING!” The young man erupted into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, trying to wrestle out of the machine’s grasp. “/There. There./“

Suddenly, Baymax looked towards Karmi and Professor Callaghan as Tadashi pried himself away, “/Would you like a hug, too?/“ Slyly, Professor Callaghan smoothly sidestepped himself outside of the private lab. But Karmi couldn’t quite process the odd predicament she was in…

“Karmi, look out!” Before the rogue tickle death machine could grab the young prodigy, Tadashi selflessly got in its way and pushed Karmi out of Baymax’s destructive tickling path. Tadashi yelled valiantly, “Save yourselves! I’ll hold him off!”

Karmi ran out of the room, a hand at her mouth agape. Trying to see if she could help the young man. Professor Callaghan calmly closed the door on Tadashi and Baymax, smiling coolly as they could hear the young man wrestling with vinyl and howling with laughter. Karmi couldn’t help but giggle. The professor seemed to simply wait until they heard, “I- I’M SATIS- SATISFIED WITH MY CARE!”

They could hear heavy breathing until Tadashi opened the door, “Whew… I’m sorry about that you guys. He still needs a lot of work.”

Karmi’s eyes were still wide at the spectacle. Looking to see that the robot was now powered down. Recovering from the shock, she awkwardly tried to comfort the young man about his project, “He’s still really amazing! I think when he’s ready, he’ll really help a lot of people. And tickling could help? It makes people laugh?”

With a soft chuckle, catching his breath, Tadashi smiled at her, “Thanks, Karmi. He’ll get there. I won’t give up on him.” Finally regaining his initial composure, Tadashi stood tall, “But listen. I know it can be intimidating starting your first year here. I’m no biotech or medical whiz, or a robotics whiz as you can see for that matter… But if you ever need any help, feel free to come see me.”

This brightened up Karmi’s expression, “Thank you, Tadashi. I really appreciate it. It was a pleasure meeting you and Baymax. I’ll come around if I need help.” Tadashi nodded at the young girl, “Good. I’ll hold you to it, then.”

Professor Callaghan chimed in as he looked towards his protege with an approving expression, “Well, we’ll leave you to it, Mr. Hamada. Keep up the progress. You’re making great strides. Good luck on your project.”

“Thanks, Professor Callaghan. See you around, Karmi! As you could see, I have a lot of work ahead of me. So if anything, you know where to find me!” They all waved farewell to each other as Tadashi slowly closed the door to his private lab.

As they walked down the hall together, Karmi was deep in thought as she processed meeting Tadashi. She finally looked up towards her professor and remarked, “62 tests? I don’t know if I’d be able to keep trying like that… He’s just… incredible.”

Professor Callaghan nodded as he hummed, “Even geniuses have to work hard, Ms. Khan. Mr. Hamada believes in his work and adheres himself to a higher standard. As I said, I only chose the best and the brightest who can shape the future. That’s why I chose you.” He looked down to the biotech prodigy proudly and fondly like a father would to his accomplished child.

Karmi was elated to hear this, shyly responding, “Thank you, Professor Callaghan. Although, I think seeing even Tadashi struggling with his robotics project didn’t exactly inspire me to consider taking up robotics…”

The dean laughed heartily, “I just wanted to show you that an interdisciplinary approach could be an interesting path less travelled. And I’d certainly enjoy having you in my class. You never know. There may come a day you’ll take an interest.”

#I LOVED doing this piece #what’s not to love? #explore the past relationship between Karmi Callaghan and Tadashi #I get to make an original design for big chibi 6-style Tadashi #hoodie Hiro sneezing like a confused puppy #I draw Baymax and Callaghan for the first time #big hero 6 the series #hiro hamada #big hero 6 #karmi #big hero 6 karmi #fanart #bh6 #fanfiction #tadashi hamada #professor callaghan #Baymax

[rebamacncheese]

THSR Designer’s Notes: The Suit

This is the fourth in a series of posts where I break down the design choices I made for my illustrated Frozen 3 fan-script, True Hans Soul Rebel. Link here if you haven’t read it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113293/chapters/66207733

Without further ado, Marie’s suit. 

This suit is next level. Big brain. Peak Marie, as a character. This is when she decides to live bravely - face what she actually wants for the first time in her life, and experiment with self-expression beyond conformity. 

Now, before I go much further on this vein, I should acknowledge that everyone’s gender journey is different. While I like to think Marie’s story has some universal appeal, she’s not meant to, and could never, represent everyone’s experience. Many MTF people glow up from a masculine presentation to a high femme one, and that’s how they live their truth.

But for this story, and this character, I couldn’t see her going from one box of binary expectations to another and finding much happiness that way.  With the suit, she reclaims masculinity - and begins the end of an arc about reclaiming her past actions, her life and all its contradictions. 

Lets break it down. 

The concept of the suit was one of the earliest visual ideas I had for THSR. Here’s a draft, which predates me figuring out what to do with Marie’s sideburns, and most of the plot:

And here’s a slightly later, post-burns draft, which also predates Elsa’s ruffle dress:

Minor color changes and shaping aside, the outline is basically there. All the same things about the fairy tale prince wardrobe that made Hans the most conventional thing in a room make Marie the least. The masculine wear is offset by feminine adjustments to the silhouette - the hair bun, the cinched waist, and the heels. On shaping, Marie’s asymmetrical lapels are a whole choice as well, adapting the boxiness of Hans’ suit jacket for something fragmented, angular, and flattering to Marie’s chest. Gnc af, no attempt at all to appear straight, or even really cis. 

A major inspiration was, of course, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Especially in the waist shaping, themes of defiance, and the palette (we’ll get to colors in a bit)

The whole ball scene, really, is just Beauty and the Beast by way of Utena. Watch out for falling petals, folks!

I ended up changing the skirt-like flared coat tails in the final to a cut that drew more attention to fact that Marie is wearing pants. The pants are going to be a plot point, how Marie’s accidentally clocked by the trolls, so it’s important that they’re uncompromised. 

You have Captain Amelia, fellow sideburns queen, to thank for the new cut:

You also have her to blame for the heels, likely. The heels are impractical, a stretch for the soft butch look, and are really there because I thought they looked foxy. There is some gender-significance to them, if you’ll bear with me. At ~5′10″ (my estimate), Hans was a respectable height for man, while Marie is uncommonly tall for a woman and it’s a source of insecurity for her. Wearing four inch heels anyway, which elevates her a little taller than Kristoff, is a bold flex in that context.  And in Marie’s defense, she didn’t expect to be in action scene that evening. Come the third act, I’m sure she’s grateful that she gets to spend most of the final battle with her feet off the ground. 

The hair bun was, like the best decisions, so simple and something I just did because it felt right, intuitively. But it really makes the look, the capstone if you will, and so I want to talk about how that happened. First, I was watching a lot of Gentleman Jack at the time, and though the bun is just the period, this was in my mind as Victorian Butch Lesbian chic: 

Second, the high bun makes Marie’s profile very reminiscent of the first Disney makeover:

The effect with the suit ends up being a mashup of Prince Charming and Cinderella, effectively Disney canon’s Adam and Eve. 

A note on hair, this is the line I had to walk. I wanted the length to be long on a man, but short for a woman - while still long enough to be bun-able. In other words, Mulan length: 

What are buns? How does gender? Is hair a society?

Moving on. Color!

From the beginning, I wanted the dominant color of the suit to be black, or something very dark. This is in line with what makes Marie romantic to Elsa - she’s brooding, mysterious, anti-heroic. The specific shade I landed on, with midnight blue highlights, matches Elsa’s ruffle dress and ends up matching the black ice of THSR’s title cards. And it pops nicely in the green spring palace. 

The final dark-on-light scheme is an inversion of Hans’ main ensemble in Frozen 1:

And takes the red and gold accents from Hans’ off-white ball ensemble:

This shot is like, the rosetta stone for Marie’s characterization and ancient hansoglyphics btw. 

I see all of the Hans references in the suit design as character-driven on Marie’s end. A part of her walking right up to the line of what she can get away with. She’s almost daring Elsa and Anna to recognize her. 

Earlier versions of the suit played with warm colors more to break up the blocks of black, finding a way to rework the feminine magenta maybe. But, simpler is often better for something memorable, and the suit also has to look good with fiery wings later.

The suit will be destroyed in the end, as it must. 3/3 outfits burned in three days - perfect score, Marie. I do think that after the dust settles, this soft butch style is what she sticks with day-to-day going forward. 

Here’s a version for a christmas special I may or may not get around to:

THSR is a fantasy - on many fronts, including a queer power fantasy. A fairy tale - where my heroine is pressured into a classic feminine makeover, says “fuck it” and shows up to prom in tux. And then the fairest woman at the ball, a goddess in a gown like a waterfall, looks her and thinks “She’s so beautiful, I don’t know how to speak to her”. That’s what the suit is all about, to me, in the end. 

But, y’know, with all the gay, sexy, morally compromised fun we’re having, it seems somebody has gone overlooked, overshadowed. Neglected. What about Frozen’s first heroine? What about Marie’s antagonist?

Next time on the THSR Designer’s Notes, Anna gets off the bench. Watch this space :)

#frozen #frozen III #frozen fanfiction #frozen fanart #frozen hans #femme hans #true hans soul rebel #thsr #illustration #character design #frozen character design #revolutionary girl utena #transbian

[rj-prof]

Introduction

Hello any and everyone!

I decided to make this sort of blog in order to track and motivate a more productive + mindful semester. 

I am currently a junior English Literature student with a concentration in journalism and minors in both Chinese and political science.

Along with schooling, I have three jobs: a center assistant for a center on campus, a freelancer for some local papers, and a mentor for first year students. Though I will most likely only be working as the center assistant for this semester because the mentor job is fall only and I go to school a bit far from those local papers. 

I will also be starting my very first internship at a digital humanities center this semester, where I will mainly be doing the work I do as a center assistant which includes event planning and marketing, social media management and presence, etc.

On top of all that, my most prized role is being an associate editor at my University’s independent student newspaper. I have been a part of this paper since day one of freshman year. Next year, I am going to be its editor-in-chief (though voting doesn’t happen until later this semester).

I only have 3 semesters left of University and after the mess of last semester I want to approach this upcoming semester in a new and healthy way. 

My ultimate goals are to be a journalist at a local newspaper and to become fluent in the Chinese language, specifically Mandarin. 

But for this semester, I would like to consider where I went wrong and set new goals for myself with specific steps in order to reach the ultimate goal of a productive/mindful semester. 

There are 114 days in the semester and I want to make the most of every single one of them. 

Here’s my course load for reference:

Chinese Seminar is my very last course for the minor and it is a topic of my choosing, so I will be studying the history of journalism and communication in China.

The capstone project in the honors program at my University is a 50 page honors thesis. I will be taking this on this semester, where my focus will be on the theories of French Sociologist Jean Baudrillard and the fiction of contemporary novelist Don DeLillo.

I am going to be taking my required science lab this semester, which is Human Biology. In high school, I was really into STEM, so I’m hoping this course will come easy to me.

My final class is a literature course focused on Shakespeare, which I haven't read much of so I am hoping this course goes well.

Part One: Time Management

Unhealthy: The reoccurring problem in all of my unhealthy habits is that I am poorly managing my time. I’m wasting life mindlessly scrolling and just laying around doing nothing productive. The key enemy here is TikTok. It’s so easy to just waste away scrolling on TikTok, but I don’t want that life anymore. The majority of the time, the content I see on there doesn’t even interest me. 

Goal: Practice better time management.

Steps: Therefore, I will be deleting TikTok off of my phone for at least the entirety of the semester. I want to track and reduce the amount of my daily screen time. The problem with this is that I run social media for the center I work at, the newspaper, and now the center I’m interning at - so the goal would be to not use social media for personal purposes. If I want entertainment of some sort I will prioritize the things I love that I usually don’t have time for which includes music (I have a vinyl collection and just started a cassette collection ton) reading (I am an English major so I do a lot of reading, but I never have time for personal reading, I have a kindle with a bunch of unread books so I have no excuse for not reading if I’m not spending time on social media). I want to incorporate more podcasts and audiobooks into myself, such as when I’m eating meals, cleaning, exercising, or doing something mindless for school or work. I did a bit of this last semester and I think I was at my happiest when I was. If I want something mindless I will allow myself YouTube because then I’m choosing content that I specifically want to watch and I always feel much more satisfied with my “relaxed” time if I choose this platform. 

Part Two: Eating

Unhealthy: I think I ate a vegetable twice this semester and idek about fruit. I was constantly ordering Dunkin Donuts and eating a lot of unhealthy snacks simply as a coping mechanism for how stressed I was. Eating was an excuse not to do work. I was so busy all the time anyways that I considered even having a meal being healthy.

Goal: I want to eat more healthy.

Steps: I will try to eat 1 portion of vegetables and fruit every day. I will try to avoid foods with excess amounts of added sugars. If I need a quick meal on the go, I will not make Dunkin Donuts my go-to place. I will take more advantage of my meal plan and work on not missing meals. Making time for healthy eating is a priority. 

Goal/Steps: I’m very indecisive and can never figure out meals when they aren’t made and decided for me such as school. I would like to create a log/spreadsheet of some sort to track what my school makes and other meal ideas so I will have a whole list of options when I graduate and am living on my own. 

Part Three: Exercise

Unhealthy: The most I did for exercise this semester was go on walks on trails, but even then, I didn’t do that as much as I used to. I used to be a runner in high school - working out every day and it felt good. I had a workout routine in previous semesters, but I have gotten out of touch with it. One of the problems, or excuses I’ve being using is that I am in a different dorm that is much smaller and quieter than my previous so it isn’t possible to just workout in my room. However, we do have a campus gym and there is such a thing as the great outdoors. Another excuse is how busy I am. When I’m stressed about completing assignments the last thing I want to do is take time for myself. But 

Goal: I would like to incorporate a workout routine into my daily life.

Steps: I will face my fears and try out the campus gym for the first time. I will try to go on more walks and/or try to get back into running again. I want to try learning weight lifting. I have minimal experience from high school, but I will see if others can teach me. I want to try and do this in the morning before the rest of my day so I don’t feel like its interrupting my day and it will feel like I started with a nice win every morning if I at least go on a walk or run.

Part Four: Language Learning

Unhealthy: I have put all this work into learning the Chinese language, but it’s not sticking how it should because I haven’t prioritized it in a long time. This is something I really want so I need to prioritize it.

Goal: Study a bit of Chinese everyday.

Steps: I use Duolingo, so I can keep up with my streak there. I can try out other apps for practice. I can listen to Chinese language podcasts. I can watching more shows that are in Chinese because I tend to catch on to key phrases when I do that, but the only way I am going to truly benefit from that is if I put the work into see what that phrase is and log it and practice it. 

Part Five: Sleep

Unhealthy: The amount of all-nighters I had to pull last semester was not good. I was running on almost 40 hours of no sleep way too many times. When I wasn't doing this I was going to bed super late and waking up late - wasting my morning. I was late to work a couple of time because of this and this winter break I have not been practicing good sleep management at all. 

Goal: Get up earlier. Get the right amount of sleep.

Steps: The big problem here is that even when I haven’t been wasting time, I still feel like I don’t have time for everything when it comes to school work, but perhaps the overarching mishap of time management is what was really causing this. Another thing is that Thursday nights is when we put the paper together and I don't get back to my dorm until past four am most weeks. Therefore, I need to see what we can implement at the newspaper that can allow us to finish more efficiently because it shouldn’t take that long and hasn't taken that long in the past. But on days I don’t have the newspaper, I would like to not go to bed past midnight or even earlier and I want to wake up between 6 am and 7 am. That way I have time for some form of exercise, eating, and getting reading before my class starts at 8:30 am.

Part Six: Specific Goals

1. Take more sports photos for the newspaper.

2. Write something every week or every other week for the newspaper.

3. Complete 6-8 pages of my thesis every week. 

4. Never fall behind on reading.

5. Do not put work and internship on the back burner.

6. Find scholarships to apply for.

7. Though my Chinese Seminar will be asynchronous, do not fall behind in reading and do not put the course on the back burner.

8. Do more for the Chinese course than just the textbook in terms of studying the journalism there.

9. Don’t leave anything last minute.

10. Get all A’s in my courses.

Conclusion

There is a lot I need to do differently this semester in order to create the life I want. I know it’s not going to be easy at first, but I am hoping the work I put in at the beginning will help set me up for success in thee long run. Let me know if you have any suggestions on how to make this semester healthy and productive.

#100 days of productivity #productivity #university #english literature #language learning #time management #healthy living #2022 goals #semester goals

[tigerkirby215]

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything subclass Tier List

(Artwork from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. Posted by @robmichel_art on Twitter. Copyright Wizards of the Coast.)

I was going to make some comparison posts between the UAs and the full release of Tasha’s but other more qualified people are doing that, so instead in my continued effort to pretend that this account is for more than just me satisfy my character building obsession I decided to make a little tier list ranking the subclasses from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything from my least favorite to my favorite.

This list is going to be comparing the subclasses from Tasha’s to each-other, but is also going to be comparing the subclasses to the other available subclasses for the class they’re from. So even if I really like a subclass it’ll lose points if the class already had better options. I’m not going to talk about any of the reprinted classes from Eberron or Ravnica but I will talk about the reprinted Theros subclasses (Eloquence Bard / Glory Paladin) as for many people this will be their first time seeing them.

Also it goes without saying but this is just my opinion! So sorry if you really like the next class you’re about to see because it’s at the bottom of my tier list!

F TIER

Psi Warrior (Fighter)

Well something had to be the worst. Truthfully I really wasn’t interested in the Psi Warrior during UA but wow its full release leaves a lot to be desired.

First let’s get the obvious out of the way: “Worse Battlemaster LUL!” It is laughable how bad this subclass is when compared to Battlemaster. BM gets to give itself advantage, give allies advantage, move allies, fear enemies, grapple enemies, give enemies disadvantage... and by comparison Psi Warriors get to do a little more damage or reduce a bit of incoming damage.

The fact that this subclass requires Intelligence confuses me to no end. They changed both Rune Knight and Soul Knife to not require intelligence (even though Rogues are kinda expected to have good Intelligence to help with skill checks) but Psi Warrior still needs INT? It amazes me that Battlemaster, Rune Knight, and Echo Knight are all SAD (single ability dependent) yet Psi Warrior of all subclasses is the one they consider too strong if you can min-max.

The biggest problem with this class by far is the Psionic Energy Die. Having your main class resource only come back after a Long Rest is insulting. (It’s the problem that Samurai Fighter has had since it was printed and it’s really sad that Wizards of the Coast didn’t learn from that.) While Battlemaster gets bigger die that have more effects which come back on a short rest Psi Warrior can only recharge one die per short rest. Honestly this subclass would be so much better if you regained Psionic Energy Die when using Second Wind (as well as having a dedicated action for it) so at least then you could have more than one die per short rest.

The only good level in this subclass is level 7, entirely because you get to Fly when you Dash. I mean, sure the UA Dragon Monk can also do that but at least this is in the official rules. Everything else that this subclass gets is weak: Telekinetic Thrust lets you do what Battlemasters were doing at level 3,  Guarded Mind is just bad (Monk? Never heard of ‘em!), Bulwark of Force is mediocre at best (I know like 3 people who actually understand how cover works in 5e), and Telekinetic Master is a laughably weak capstone. Your capstone as a Fighter is a situational 5th level spell that takes away your ability to attack? Meanwhile actual spellcasters are casting 9th level spells, and other martials are doing upwards of 50 damage per turn.

At first I was largely indifferent to the Psi Warrior but after reading over all its abilities its laughable how bad it is. It at least surpasses Purple Dragon Knight in terms of mediocrity (ironic considering that the two of them are beside each-other on D&D Beyond) but it’s the only true stinker of Tasha’s, and it gets the honor of being the second weakest Fighter subclass and the weakest subclass in this book.

D TIER

Aberrant Mind (Sorcerer)

This is the best subclass to play if your only desire is to cast spells, and I mean that in the worst possible way. While every other Sorcerer has a defined class role Aberrant Mind feels like the most generic milk-toast subclass that you pick simply because you didn’t know what to play. While Clockwork Soul defends, Divine Soul heals, Draconic Bloodline blasts, Shadow Magic sneaks, Storm Sorcerer evades, and Wild Magic does memes Aberrant Mind’s only major strengths come online at level 14+.

Telepathy at level 1 is a joke when compared to the other Sorcerers. CS can negate advantage, DS gets Super Bless on top of access to the Cleric spell list, DB gets free Mage Armor, SM gets super Darkvision and the Half Orc racial trail, SS gets goddamn flight, and WM gets to kill the party at level 1 with a level 3 fireball. Meanwhile AM gets the Message cantrip with a longer range.

Psionic Sorcery is okay. Getting cheaper* (citation needed) spells that you can Subtle Spell for free is alright. The subclass spell list is good and seeing as you can sub out the spell to take better ones if needed you can really get some useful magic for your kit.

SPELLS TO LOOK AT AS AN ABBERANT MIND SORCERER

LEVEL 1

Dissonant Whispers is honestly a really good spell to have, but Arms of Hadar is a bit situational. If willing you can swap it out with: the utility Divination spells (Detect Magic / Identity - remember that Sorcerers can’t Ritual cast so it might be better for someone else to take these), Hex, Sleep, or Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.

LEVEL 2

Gift of Gab from Acquisitions Incorporated is either going to be a complete joke of a spell or the most useful spell in your arsenal. Hold Person is the most obvious choice from second level. Tasha’s Mind Whip is a great single-target damage spell with some added utility, and is almost objectively better than Mind Spike because it doesn’t require Concentration.

LEVEL 3

Both Hunger of Hadar and Sending are great spells, and there really aren’t a lot of Divination / Enchantment spells at third level. The only one I can really recommend is Tongues if you need the utility.

LEVEL 4

Evard’s Black Tentacles and Summon Aberration are both extremely strong spells, but if you want to replace them for some reason: Arcane Eye is essentially just a better familiar, Confusion is a great AoE disruption spell, and Locate Creature can be useful in a pinch.

LEVEL 5

Honestly the spell list really opens up at 5th level. Just about any choice is good, so look on D&D Beyond to see what to take. If you know me I’m going to recommend Synaptic Static.

Psychic Defenses, like with Psi Warrior, seems to have been taped onto the class because WoTC realized how weak it was so they just threw more situational garbage into its kit to compensate.

Revelation in Flesh is pretty much the only good ability you get. And granted there’s some insane utility with this ability. Not-quite-Blindsense, fly speed (best one), swim speed (worst one), and the folding ability that I’m sure will result in some interesting stories on Reddit. Warping Implosion is also a great escape-utility ability but like it’s your 18th level capstone of course it was going to be good.

If I was going to play in a level 20 one shot I’d perhaps roll up a level 20 Aberrant Mind. (Or more like a level 18 Aberrant Mind with 2 levels in Warlock because Sorcerer’s level 20 capstone sucks lol.) But unless I knew the campaign was going to at least level 15 I wouldn’t even bother.

Oath of the Watchers (Paladin)

It was boring in UA and it’s boring now. I feel bad that I have so little to say about Oath of the Watchers, especially after writing massive paragraphs about Psi Warrior and Aberrant Mind. But Oath of the Watchers feels like the worst parts of Arcana Cleric to me. Only difference is that while Arcana Cleric gets Wizard spells you get Moonbeam and help with Initiative. This subclass feels more campaign-specific than PHB Ranger and that’s really saying something.

Swarmkeeper (Ranger)

It’s certainly the most unique Ranger, both in terms of concept and in terms of abilities. It actually has a lot of utility with a good spell list and the Gathered Swarm feature providing a lot of great utility to a martial character. The thing is that in all honesty this subclass is kinda boring until level 15. And the other big problem is that the fantasy and roleplay that this subclass provides is so strange. When you think “Ranger” do you think master of the hunt, traveling through multiple dimensions and slaying powerful foes from the shadows with a tamed beast at their side? Or do you think “hurr durr bugzzz”?

This subclass feels like the one you pick when you've played literally every other subclass available, or when you get them from a random character generator. Ironically enough I do actually have a friend who made a Swarmkeeper for a one-shot I ran back when this subclass was in UA. But the fact that they made the character just to test UA shows just the type of characters that will be made with this subclass.

Way of Mercy (Monk)

You either love it or you’re completely indifferent, is what I have found the general opinion of Way of Mercy to be. Guess which camp I’m in. This subclass literally just feels like a Cleric with mobility whose healing comes back on a short rest. Time will see how OP “I can heal every turn and get my Cure Wounds back on a Short Rest” not-Cleric will be, but until then the subclass is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. For the people who wanted to play a healing Monk I’m happy for them.

Path of the Beast (Barbarian)

If I can sum up Path of the Beast in one word it’s “underwhelming.” Form of the Beast gives you three above-average weapons to choose from, Bestial Soul gives you some movement buffs, Infectious Fury lets you do some decent crowd control or damage spiking, and Call the Hunt lets you buff your party.

The thing is... you’re fighting against “resist all damage” (Totem Warrior), “protect your allies with your JoJo Stand” (Ancestral Guardian), “smite with the wrath of God” (Zealot), or “shoot lightning out of your goddamn chest.” (Storm Herald.) It’s not a bad subclass and honestly compared to some of the existing Barbarians (Beserker, Battlerager, and honestly Storm Herald is bad too) it’s pretty strong. But it’s just so, so boring.

I need to preface this by saying that Barbarian is probably my least favorite class in 5e and for what it’s worth I’m certainly more interested in playing Path of the Beast than say Battlerager, but I can’t help but feel that this subclass just lets you hit things better as the class that does nothing other than hit things. The only real positive I see to this subclass is the flavor, which absolutely carries it above the likes of Totem Warrior and Zealot. (Both of which I think are objectively stronger than Beast Barbarian.)

Clockwork Soul (Sorcerer)

It been mostly unchanged from playtest even though as I stated Clockwork Soul was one of the subclasses I was a little worried about. But even then the subclass just feels so boring to me. It seems like this subclass is entirely designed to be the “no fun allowed” character who just says “No U” to everything the DM does. Don’t get me wrong it’s certainly a strong defensive subclass but I feel like if you want to play a defensive spellcaster you’re more likely to play an Abjuration Wizard or a Cleric in general.

And the lore just doesn’t really click for me? I can understand how you’d have dragon blood magic, shadow soul magic, and celestial infusion magic. But how the heck do you get a Clockwork Soul? I know Mechanus is a thing in D&D but I feel like for the average normie this won’t make any sense.

Also RIP in piss Heat Metal from the subclass spell list. Here’s my suggestion for spells if you want to play a CSS:

LEVEL 1 - Absorb Elements, Armor of Agathys, Featherfall, Mage Armor, Shield

LEVEL 2 (Aid and Lesser Restoration are good but Aid chews through your spell slots) - Enhance Ability, Enlarge / Reduce

LEVEL 3 - Blink, Counterspell, Fly, Gaseous Form, Haste, Slow

LEVEL 4 (Tasha’s Summoning Spells are good but Freedom of Movement is highly situational) - Banishment, Polymorph

LEVEL 5 - Animate Objects, Passwall

C TIER

College of Creation (Bard)

It has a lot of interesting abilities. Performance of Creation in particular is arguably one of the strongest abilities for someone who knows the equipment page well in the PHB. The problem is just that unless you have a very specific build in mind I don’t really know why you’d play the College of Creation? It feels like a Conjuration Wizard... but it’s a Bard. Perhaps the biggest irony is how much stronger this subclass feels when compared to the Conjuration Wizard, but you really have to be in the mood to play a conjurer.

Oath of Glory (Paladin)

Having some experience playing this subclass in a one-shot (Theros yay!): it’s very hit-or-miss. The spell list is amazing, the Channel Divinities are mediocre at best, the aura is garbage (10 foot +10 movement aura LUL), Glorious Defense is insane, and Living Legend is a capstone ability so of course it’s going to be good.

I think the main reason you’ll pick this subclass is for their subclass spells. And don’t get me wrong: Guiding Bolt and Haste are crazy good. But considering that Paladins usually want to blow everything on Smites?

When I played this character it was a 9 level dip into Paladin with a 3 level dip into Warlock. I didn’t use a melee weapon and opted for Eldritch Blast spamming. And that’s essentially this subclass as a whole: it wants you to be a spellcaster, which is great if you multiclass into a spellcaster (Aura of Protection is always good) but it feels bad as an actual Paladin.

The new Fighting Style that lets you get some cantrips as a Paladin might make this subclass better, but you’re still stuck being a half caster. Can’t escape the feeling that an actual caster would be better.

Path of Wild Magic (Barbarian)

It’s fun, is all I can really say. The subclass is built almost entirely around the Wild Surge table you get at level 3 and all the effects are strong. (Thankfully none of them are OP like in UA.) Unstable Backlash means that with luck you should eventually get a good Wild Magic effect.

The use of a d3 for Bolstering Magic is still a crime. It should just be a d4, with the spell slot restoration thing being “reroll on a 4.” (Or better yet: “roll a d4 and take half the roll, rounded up.” I still think having an RNG chance to get back a Haste or Fireball is a bit too strong.)

B TIER

Fey Wanderer (Ranger)

All I can say is thank god this subclass got better. It went from a weird pseudo-Paladin to a subclass with its own identity and theme. The only ability that’s really weak currently is Dreadful Strikes since it encourages you to spread out your damage for no particular reason. Horizon Walker had a similar problem but you could still focus damage as Horizon Walker. And you were doing more than a d4 of extra damage.

But beyond that this subclass is great! The subclass spell list is very strong. Otherworldly Glamour gives you some utility as a party face. Beguiling Twist... is honestly a little hit-or-miss. But it’s made up for by Fey Reinforcements and Misty Wanderer. Having a non-concentration summoning spell along with near-unlimited Misty Step is so insanely powerful to keep out of harm and to keep your DPS up.

Fey Wanderer seems really good at a lot of the things a Ranger wants to do. It’s a good skill monkey (being good at Charisma which other Rangers usually aren’t), a good damage dealer, a strong defensive support, a great single-unit summoner, and incredibly slippery and mobile. I don’t know if it’s enough to make me play the class (Ranger’s flavor is still iffy for me overall) but it’s definitely on my list for subclasses to try someday!

Order of the Scribes (Wizard)

Order of the Scribes is the best default Wizard, which is its biggest strength and its largest weakness. Getting a free colored pen is fun and flavorful, being able to get all your spells back if you lose your spellbook is insanely useful, always having an Arcane Focus is great, being able to replace the damage type of your spells is MASSIVE, getting to cast a Ritual Spell with its normal casting time is situationally fantastic.

Getting what essentially amounts to a free familiar is amazing. Getting what essentially amounts to a free spell slot (to upcast a second level spell) is great, and is honestly worth multiclassinging into for a lot of classes. Being able to negate incoming damage as a Wizard (IE squishy d6 hit die baby) is huge, even if you lose a lot of spells in the process. (I assure you by level 14 you’re going to have some useless spells that you’re never going to cast.)

But the problem with Order of the Scribes is that it has to compete with Divination, Evocation, Chronurgy, and War Wizard. If you have any specific build you want to go for then the specific schooled subclasses are better. But if you “just want to cast spells or whatever” Order of the Scribes is a lot of fun.

I actually have a character who’d fit Order of the Scribes very well, it’s just that Chronurgy feels so much more fun even if it doesn’t fit him as well. And that’s literally the exact problem with Order of the Scribes summed up in one anecdote.

Peace Domain (Cleric)

You may be forgiven for thinking this subclass is just a Life Cleric that doesn’t wear Heavy Armor, but the Emboldening Bond and the upgrades it gets are incredibly useful. Protective Bond in particular is such a massive power boost to the tanks of your party, giving them mobility and letting them take damage for squishy allies.

Peace Domain is by far the best party buffing spellcaster. They make everyone else amazing, and while that may not be fun for everyone I’m a garbage Yuumi main so it’s right up my alley.

Circle of Wildfire (Druid)

“iT dOeSn’T hAvE fIrEbAlL aNyMoRe It’S bAd BeCaUsE nO fIrEbAlL” oh get over your Fireball fetish Reddit. Circle of Wildfire is carried pretty much entirely by its flavor. It’s such a unique take on a Druid it’s impossible not to find at least some build to make with this subclass.

That’s not to say that it’s a bad subclass! The summon feels weak but you get two of them per short rest. Having a powerful subclass feature tied to short rests is really nice as a spellcaster. All your other features are very useful and flavorful, though my one complaint is that Cauterizing Flames is hard to use in Theater of the Mind.

It’s just a very fun and unique subclass that offers a unique flavor to Druids that they don’t normally have. I’m sure a lot of players will be motivated to try a Druid just to take a crack at this class. Hopefully they realize that only you can prevent forest fires.

A TIER

Phantom (Rogue)

I’m actually surprised how much I like this class to be honest. I made a Phantom Rogue once as a joke for a one-shot and to my surprise the subclass is actually very powerful and fun! It surprisingly just feels like a better Rogue, but considering how strong Rogues are normally that’s all the better for Phantom Rogue. You can easily fill any skill proficiencies your party needs thanks to Whispers of the Dead, and Wails from the Grave really lets you increase your DPS.

Tokens of the Departed got a major boost from UA since it now lets you use Wails from the Grave more, but the flavor of being able to ask the souls of the dead for information is also great. Ghost Walk is just insanely useful in general, and Death’s Friend lets you do double Sneak Attack damage every turn! Imagine how much damage you’d do with a crit!

The flavor is the one thing that I think hurts this subclass, as it’s really hard to make essentially an undead Rogue without immediately being labeled as an edgelord. But if a party ever needs a Rogue to do all the things that a Rogue does this character is perfect!

I’m personally awaiting the day to bring back Bill, the Undead Kobold Detective.

Way of the Astral Self (Monk)

JoJo subclass. I like JoJo. This subclass was overpowered in UA but the final release manages to capture the same feeling without being broken. Let’s go over the features one by one:

Arms of the Astral Self gives you a JoJo stand rush against everyone close to you, letting you recreate the flavor of JooJ without breaking action economy too much. But being able to prioritize Wisdom is huge to keep your Stunning Strike DC high while still getting good attack damage. But it’s still not OP since Dexterity is tied to your AC. It’s perhaps a little strong for multiclass builds (you can use your spellcasting modifier to attack) but multiclassing into Monk has always been kinda iffy, and Shillelagh has existed since the PHB was released. It should also be said that having Reach weapons as a Monk is huge, since you don’t have to get the Mobile feat to do hit-and-run.

Visage of the Astral Self is a nice social feature for a subclass that doesn’t normally get social features. Body of the Astral Self gives you more defense and offense. And Awakened Astral Self just further increases your defense and offense.

Excluding weeb shit this subclass just has awesome flavor. I’m actually planning on playing this subclass soon. (I’m playing a Cleric / Monk multiclass and I’m only level 2 in Monk currently.) I’m surprised myself that my first Astral Self character isn’t a fucking JoJo OC, considering that I already have a grand total of about 5 JoJo OCs.

Twilight Domain (Cleric)

Twilight domain also surprised me with how interesting it is. I don’t really have much to say other than it has a good mix of defensive, offensive, and utility abilities. Your subclass spell list is very strong for the most part. Eyes of Night and Vigilant Blessing are both just generally useful. Twilight Sanctuary isn’t insane but it’s consistent and it’s nice. Steps of Night is very strong and has a nice aesthetic. And Twilight Shroud is a good boost to your Channel Divinity.

The honest truth is that Twilight Domain feels kinda weak by comparison to some of the other Clerics. It’s no Forge, Grave, Life, or even Order Domain is all I can say. The fact that all your features only work in the dark is iffy if you don’t have shadows to sulk in. But along with just generally having good abilities the flavor is really what carries this subclass.

Here’s a meme:

Armorer (Artificer)

Artificer is one of my favorite classes so it’s no surprise that a new Artificer subclass excites me. Armorer fills a niche that I think Artificer didn’t have, and surprisingly it’s not the “tank” archetype. Armorer is still a good tank but the Infiltrator armor also gives you an option to play the subclass at range.

What I like is that Armorer is a subclass that doesn’t have a summon and puts more focus on your infusions. Armor Modifications is such a great feature that really brings the customization to Artificer. It truly lets you make your character your own instead of focusing on concrete class features. It doesn’t surpass Warlock Invocations for customizability, but it’s still great to get two personal magic items of your choice.

Yeah this subclass is going to be used a lot for min-maxing. Giving Wizards easy access to Heavy Armor is a little scary. But really if a Wizard wants to take a 3 level dip just for armor and the Guidance cantrip let them. Let the squishy boys have some AC for once.

Circle of Stars (Druid)

Full disclosure: I’ve been wanting to make a Stars Druid after the Rise of the Mountain expansion came to Legends of Runeterra. My first Druid had Telepathy (I took the Telepathic feat as a joke since I had a floating ability score) and it helped me realize how crazy a Druid with telepathy was for espionage. After seeing The Trickster celestial card from LoR I felt the artwork hit all three of my qualifiers for a character: class I want to play, great theme, and furry.

(Artwork by Kudos Productions. Made for Riot Games.)

My personal interest in this subclass aside: it has such a wonderful aesthetic that’s perfect for any character who wants an astral connection. The features are also great: Guiding Bolt is a strong spell to have as is Guidance, and having reactionary Bardic Inspirations is nice for a spellcaster.

But of course the main feature of Starry Form lets you still play the game normally while also benefitting from your Wild Shapes. Stars Druid is probably the second best Wildshape Druid despite not actually Wildshaping. Free Bonus Action attacks is huge, extra healing is always helpful, help with concentration (and Flight later) is really swell, and resisting all damage while not-Wildshaped is very helpful and lets you play as a pseudo Frontliner.

Stars Druid just does so many nice things and I think it’s a great subclass that can fit into any team comp. Druids are already insanely useful (arguably one of the strongest classes in 5e) so to have one that can do so much is massive.

Soulknife (Rogue)

Much like Phantom Rogue this subclass feels just really good in general. You can boost your skill checks and also add not-Bardic Inspiration to your attack rolls to do more guaranteed damage. However this subclass is by far the best Rogue for infiltration. Yes: even better than Assassin. (Though I’d perhaps suggest learning how to use a Disguise Kit.) 1 mile telepathy, teleportation, and invisibility all seem to be built for infiltration. If you have a DM who likes infiltration, espionage, and other encounters that don’t involve combat then Soulknife is by far the best subclass on offer.

But of course you aren’t picking Soulknife just to sneak around! The Psychic Blades are easily the most useful feature not just for Rogues, but for many builds! Having an unlimited supply of thrown weapon suddenly makes a lot more builds viable. My dreams of a ranged Paladin or ranged Barbarian are somewhat crushed by RAW, but there are still some niches that can be filled with unlimited throwing weapons.

Fun fact: you can’t do extra Rage damage with thrown weapons, but you can use Reckless Attack on thrown Finesse weapons. What’s more interesting is that you can’t use Divine Smite on thrown weapons, but you can use Improved Divine Smite on thrown weapons. But of course you can always talk to your DM to see what their final ruling is.

Rune Knight (Fighter)

You can become Giant which makes my stupid furry ass horny for Volibear and Nasus.

I mean I’ve gotta be honest like 75% of the reason I’m hyped for Rune Knight is to become a giant. But the runes are also very strong, giving the subclass some Battlemaster-esque gimmicks that have a bit more magical flavor than the other martials. I also really like that the subclass gets boosts to their skills, allowing you to help out of combat as a Fighter.

There isn’t much I can specifically praise about Rune Knight because the whole subclass is fantastic. It’s a very good mix of defense, offense, and utility both in and out of combat.

The Fathomless (Warlock)

Sheeyutu Nagakabouros. Nagakabouros-shee-shok.

Having played a Fathomless Warlock in UA I can safely say: it’s a good subclass. Having a consistent source of Bonus Action damage is nice, and being able to use it defensively is also great. Extra spells known as a Warlock is nice (and Evard’s Black Tentacles is a great spell!) And a teleport with a mile distance is rather crazy.

So much of the subclass is built around the tentacle which is great because the tentacle is such a great Bonus Action damage source. I really wish I had more to say but the power of this subclass starts and ends at how great having what amounts to an extra Eldritch Blast as a Bonus Action every turn is.

S TIER

College of Eloquence (Bard)

Yup. One of the best subclasses in this book was also in Theros. It helps that my favorite D&D character of all time was a College of Eloquence Bard.

This subclass got so much better since UA. Reliable Talent for Charisma checks at level 3 is fucking nuts! And on top of that Unsettling Words is a great way to soften enemies up for devastating spells. Universal Speech at 6th level pretty much singlehandedly enables the “peaceful” route with a lot of enemies, allowing you to talk your way out of problems.

But this bard is the king of inspiration! Unfailing Inspiration fixes the biggest problem with the Bard class, and Infectious Inspiration multiplies your Bardic Inspiration to a ridiculous degree. This Bard is just so reliably fantastic at Bard things, all while still being a full spellcaster that can make it harder for enemies to deal with spellcasters. It doesn’t get anything special from its subclass but you only got 3 features from your subclass as a Bard anyways. Baseline Bards are amazing and the insurance on your features from this subclass makes it all the better.

The Genie (Warlock)

If the fact that I stick Warlock levels into literally every build didn’t prove it I really like Warlocks, and Genie Warlock is easily the best Warlock subclass. Period. I actually have a post in the works where I go in-depth as to why Genie Warlock is so good. But in short:

Being able to choose between four subclass spell lists is crazy good. Like ridiculously good. A single level in this subclass gives you a Bag of Holding, a (single person) Leomund’s Tiny Hut, and a damage boost to all your attacks every turn!

6th level gives you damage resistance which is always good, but I seriously can not stress how ridiculous non-concentration Flight is for a Warlock. Your spell selection and spell slots are already so limited, and this subclass lets you get all the utility of flight pretty much whenever you please. Just think about how strong Aaracokra are and then consider that this is basically the Aaracokra’s only racial trait.

Sanctuary Vessel lets you upgrade your Leomund’s Tiny Hut power to affect the whole party. By this point you can indeed Long Rest in the lamp, and I need to stress how less suspicious a lone lamp is to a giant bubble of magical force. You could easily hide the lamp somewhere and (if the party is traveling light) be practically undetectable.

Oh and Limited Wish? So you know how the best feature of the Bard is their Magical Secrets? What if you got to choose (practically) any spell of 6th level or lower whenever you please? The only “problem” with Limited Wish is that you have to know every spell that you can pick from, but whenever “too much choice” is a problem in a game of infinite choices you know it’s a good feature.

Genie Warlocks do everything that Warlocks want to do so well. More damage on all your attacks to maximize the value of cantrip spamming, mobility to keep safe without spending spell slots, more high level spells, and giving the party a safe place to rest and recharge. I played a full Genie Warlock and absolutely loved it. I highly recommend this subclass to anyone who wants to play a Warlock. It’s just so versatile and useful I’m sure anyone can find a way to enjoy playing it.

#Tasha's Cauldron of Everything #ranking #tier list #dnd #dnd 5e

[rokutouxei]

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop's most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo's pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 2 OF 22

In a small house in the better neighborhood of the university, a young man is beginning to dream. He’s chasing the afterimages of a vision he’d caught, trying to see if he can get it down on paper. It’s scary, but it’s exciting. He’s prepared his materials—the canvas, the pen, the paint—and he’s closed the door, and opened the shutters, letting the morning light flood the studio-cum-library in their small, rented home.

Vincent holds the pen gently, like a prayer, in his hands, before beginning to sketch.

--

The thing with living in such a small university town such as this is that you cannot escape the inevitable.

And by inevitable, that means you know someone who knows someone, and everyone kind of vaguely knows each other in some way or another—through a club, or a shared favorite hang-out spot, or an extracurricular. Everyone is someone’s something by a degree or another.

She’s learned this in her first year at university, but the lesson’s about to be driven a little closer to home today.

She’s seated in the café as usual, annotating a book when Vincent approaches her, a small brownie in hand. It’s not the ones they serve regularly, cut on a smaller bit, and maybe it’s one of the edges or corners in the baking tray. “Can I offer you a little snack?” he asks, offering the plate in front of her.

Looking up at him through round-rimmed glasses, she blinks. “Oh? Thank you, but—what’s this for?” she asks, as Vincent puts the plate down on a free spot on her table. He takes a seat on the free chair next to her.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

Modeling isn’t exactly her forte, but Vincent insists that he doesn’t need a full-blown model for his project—besides, he couldn’t have afforded it, even if he did need one. He’s working on “something”—by the rumors in the art department, she assumes it’s for his thesis, his capstone project, but who knows?—and he needs a little help on the lighting. He’s working with some tricky fabric, draped down bodies, and he isn’t quite sure how it should come out.

“It’ll only take two hours tops,” he promises, “if you wouldn’t mind. It’s not nude or anything risque, I just need to be able to see how the fabric drapes accordingly to the light. I’ll treat you to dinner afterward?”

Here’s the thing—one does not exactly say no to Vincent. The university town is small enough as it is, and everyone knows Vincent because he’s a legend in the art department. You do not turn down the offer to be painted by a master, or at least that’s how the logic goes. But at the same time, Vincent is always sunflowers and soft smiles, and when he looks at her like that… the only thing that comes out of her mouth is “Of course I will!”

“I’m sorry this is all so sudden,” he says sheepishly. “I just had this idea a bit back, and I’ve been wanting to work on it…”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instantly. “You’re always reserving my favorite seat for me anyway, and you’ve always been so nice to me. We’re basically friends now, and friends do this for each other, yes?”

Vincent’s eyes glow in a way you’ve never seen before, and it makes you flush a little. “Friends? Of course, yes, thank you so much.”

His shift won’t end in another hour and a half, so he treats her to coffee (“you didn’t have to!” “it’s on me, I swear!”) as she’s waiting for him. She picks up her beautiful, hardbound copy of 1800s English literature, now lovingly highlighted and with many flags at certain pages, and begins to read, scribbling notes on a separate notebook.

By 5:15 Vincent is ready to go, dressed out of his uniform and into his casual clothes, a sweater one or two sizes too big for him over a shirt and some pants. He calls out her name gently, hand leaning on her table.

And she stares.

Vincent isn’t her type—he’s a little too angelic for her liking, as she does prefer those on the more rugged side—but she won’t deny that he’s attractive. She had never seen Vincent in casual clothes before—she’d seen him hang up his barista apron at the end of shifts before, but never actually caught him go home—and she pauses for a moment when he arrives at her table.

“Are you okay?”

“Haha,” she says awkwardly, coughing her shock away. “Yeah, I almost didn’t recognize you, is all. Let me just pack up?”

She hadn’t expected it, but she should have—that her friendly local barista, the legend of the art department—is living smack dab in the middle of their small town, at the perfect distance to everything. In a house, too, not a small dormitory. It’s a beautiful one painted white with a small garden and a porch outside, a tree standing tall and providing shade on the house, and a small classic mailbox in front—it looked like a house that belonged in the suburbs instead of in the middle of this very schoolish town. She can’t help the small whistle of appreciation when they get there.

“Our father knew the landlord,” Vincent explains, as he unlocks the door. “So we get it rather cheaply. Careful of the landing.”

We? She catches the plural but doesn’t get to ask, as she enters the apartment and marvels at it. It’s not extravagant, but it’s still rather fancy, considering she stays in a small studio room. There are paintings hanging on the walls—Vincent’s, she assumes—and everything is in attractive, warm colors. What catches her attention, however, is the small framed photo on the side table by the sofa, of two boys on a swing, a blond one (Vincent?) pushing one with brown hair (a cousin?).

“Five and three,” Vincent says, by way of explanation. She’s about to ask him who the other child is, but Vincent interrupts her. “Do you need water? A break?”

They’d walked quite a bit from the café, after all, and while she had her bike with her, Vincent didn’t, and so she just rolled it next to her throughout the whole 30-minute walk. “No, I’m okay. Where’s your studio?”

Vincent beams. “Here, come.”

They walk down the hall and enter a door to the left, and the studio opens up to her. The wall on the right has a row of high bookshelves, all nearly filled to the brim with books on all sorts of different topics. The wall where the door is has a layer of corkboard attached to it, where a multitude of prints and photos and papers with scribbles and notes are pinned and strung together. Most of the room’s floor is covered in some kind of paper—newspaper, craft paper—to protect the wooden slats below. There are easels stacked at the far side of the room, but facing away, so she can’t exactly see what is on them. And then, there is the set-up for Vincent’s current project: an easel in the center of the room with the sketch of a woman’s figure; a white sheet draping from the ceiling to the floor, serving as a backdrop, in the far corner; a steel circle hanging by the ceiling, the kind people sit on; black craft paper laid on the floor below it; and on top of it, a small stool, a fabric in beautiful vermillion, and some fairy lights.

“Welcome to the studio,” Vincent says, guiding her inside. “Sorry for the mess, I was working this morning.”

“No, it’s okay,” she says, carefully stepping in. “It’s so interesting to see your studio, where all the magic happens.”

Vincent flinches at that, but doesn’t make any other comment about it. She contemplates if she has to apologize, but doesn’t know exactly what she’ll have to apologize for. “No magic here,” Vincent mumbles.

He asks her to get comfortable on the wooden stool and maybe get a feel for the fabric, as he sets up his camera. The plan was this: she’ll get into the poses he needs for his project, he will take a couple photos for reference in different angles, and then he will take her out to dinner.

The time passes rather uneventfully, and pretty quickly, because the poses aren’t entirely too tricky on her end. A raised arm here, a dangle of hair in this direction, a tiptoe towards this—Vincent is gentle in maneuvering her around and quick in taking his photos, and in an hour they’re ready. Vincent thanks her profusely for her help as he’s packing away, and she laughs as she says “Well, you’re treating me to food, so it’s paid work.”

“Dinner, yes, of course,” Vincent nods, putting the camera back on its place on the bookshelf. “I actually got my brother to save a spot at, erm, my favorite place, if you don’t mind? It’s Greek food.”

“Oh, that’s fine! I didn’t know you had a brother, Vincent.”

“I do, he’s the sweetest thing,” he answers with a beam of a smile, so much so that for a moment she falters about joining them for dinner. One Vincent was bad enough for her heart as it is, but two of them? That’s not good news is it?

Except, yet again, the rule of not saying no to Vincent applies, and so after a bit of tidying they’re already on the way to the restaurant. An actual restaurant, mind you, not some cheapo fast food that Arthur treats her to. (“This isn’t fair, you know? Just because I’m not in your menu of dateables and bangables doesn’t mean you treat me disproportionately to everyone else.” “Stop complaining and eat your McDonald’s.”) It’s a small one, admittedly, but most of the stalls in this town is, anyway. Vincent peers into the building and then pulls her in, inviting her inside.

Vincent pauses for a moment. “I’ve been told he has quite an… aggressive face, but don’t be afraid of him okay?”

“If he’s your brother, there’s no reason to be scared,” she says with a smile. For a moment she is looking for a twin puff of sunflower blond hair, but then, remembering the photos, she begins to look for an equally-fluffy brown mop of hair, and just at the exact moment she comes to the realization—

“Hondje?!”

“Theo?!”

--

The thing with living in such a small university town such as this is that you cannot escape the inevitable.

It’s a silly thought. She even finds it rather ironic that that is the wise saying about making friends and getting to know other people in this university because running away is the one thing she wishes she was good at.

See, the first time she saw Theo, she thought, wow, this guy looks so insufferable. I can’t believe he works here, and I have to see him every week. This is the worst.

Until it isn’t.

She knew, the moment she made eye contact with Theo across the table in that homey Greek restaurant, that that event would change her life in ways she wouldn’t have—and couldn’t have—imagined. She just didn’t know how yet. Vincent was surprised that he didn’t need to introduce the two of them to each other, and with an irritated grumble, Theo had explained that she was a frequenter of the bookstore, taking a jab at her having no other friends and spending so much time around books instead. She quips back and says the reason they don’t have customers is that Theo’s face is enough to sour anyone’s day, and so no one but her comes anyway.

But Vincent is not the kind of person to have this happen, so instead, with a truce, his kind insistence, and irresistible smile—dammit!—she and Theo, instead, become friends. Good friends. Wait, no—they become begrudging friends.

But they don’t talk.

Theo doesn’t even give her his phone number.

No, they’re not friends. Not yet, anyway. Theo makes a show of only putting up with all of this for his brother, as he continues to ignore even the most cordial of texts like “thank you for putting a rush-order on my book!”, throwing insults back and forth with her in the bookshop. But eventually, both of them find a rhythm, a little liminal space of friends by circumstance and not by desire that they’ve agreed on.

That is until they begin the book exchange.

#the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart #ikemen vampire #ikevamp theo