#its so magical! like when im on the porch and its night and the stars are visible and nothing else is really making any noise

[princess-tulip-writes]

my illyrian baby • cassian

genre: fluff

summary: mornings in valeris are magical, but a certain baby bat doesn’t appreciate it when his girl admires the starry dawn by herself.

a/n: this just a quick morning thought i had while getting ready for work :) its not edited so im sorry.

there was not a single sight like this one; speckles of starlight painting the sky as the sun rose, shades of pink and orange swallowing the dark night as morning greeted the night court. the air was crisp and welcoming, like a baby fawn in the mossy woods during spring time, and your morning cup of tea seemed to taste better than usual as you sat on your porch, enjoying the sunrise.

stealing a few moments for yourself before being clung to all day was a ritual you wished you could maintain every morning, like this one. something about valeris made loneliness feel like a warm hug, as if you were never truly alone, and perhaps you weren’t. perhaps, maybe in some way, the souls of your loved ones stuck with you here, always lingering and watching over you. valeris was a very mysterious place, even after centuries of residency you still had so many secrets to uncover about the city, and it certainly wouldn’t surprise you if sprits were trapped here, following their dreams in the after life that had yet to accomplish in their life and finding happiness in the city of starlight—at least that’s what you hoped anyway.

taking a long sip of your tea, you sighed contently as the silence of the morning enveloped you in a tight embrace, causing a content smile to tug at your lips. silence was rare for you these days, not that your mate’s roudy nature annoyed you or anything, the occasional silence was nice though. it was new, refreshing to take some time to yourself. but, after a full hour, you missed him. you missed his warmth, his touch, his laugh, his voice, his face—

as if the both of your mind’s were linked, the loud groaning of hardwood sounded from behind the open door, and your smiled wider as sandalwood and mountain air found you, filling the fresh morning air with his scent as he neared.

he was clumsy in the early morning hours, even at the beginning of training most days, so when his large feet stumbled over nothing, you didn’t flinch.

“baby…”

his whine turned into a yawn, causing your gaze to finally tear away from the sunrise and settle on him for the second time today, but the first time seeing him awake today. you may have stolen a loving glance at him before you slipped outside earlier that morning, but you’d never boost his ego like that by telling him.

his arms stretched over his head and his wings flared out completely as he stepped onto the porch, finally having enough room to fully expand to stretch all of his crampy limbs. especially the large wings that spend most of their time tucked tightly behind his back. his hair was a tangled mess and his face was puffy with a good night’s sleep, yet he still looked like the most beautiful male you had ever seen.

he smiled lazily at you as he caught your gaze.

“g’morning.” he yawned as his arms fell limp to his sides. his wings tucked in slightly, but still stayed flared and you were sure it was just him showing off. not that you minded of course.

you returned his smile. “good morning, cass.”

cassian’s hazel eyes seemed to clear up at the awaited sound of your voice. waking up without the warmth of his mate atop of his chest was not something he was happy about, and finding you star gazing without him caused a pout to replace his smile.

“why’d you leave me?” he whined, his shoulders and wings slumping as he stepped closer to you.

his arms wrapped around your middle, and his face nuzzled in your neck before he took a deep inhale of your preshower scent. the natural smell of your skin in the morning air always made cassian’s heart feel warm and full, if he had it his way, you wouldn’t shower at all.

but that’s gross, you always remind him when he suggests the idea. so he drops it and enjoys the short lived scent while he can.

your free hand, the one that didn’t have a glass mug in it’s hold, settled on top of his larger hand as he began to take a handful of your chub.

“i wanted to watch the sun rise before it was too late.” you answered softly.

he huffed into your neck. “coulda woke me up. maybe i wanted to watch it with you.”

a soft kiss was pressed to your neck after he spoke, causing your lips to upturn.

“i’m sorry.” you whispered.

you couldn’t explain to him that you wanted some time to yourself, even if you knew he would try to understand. he was sensitive when it came to you, and although he would pretend to be understanding, he would feel a bit rejected and most likely pout all day. so, instead, you played it off.

“wake me next time.” he grumbled into your skin, sending vibrations down your shoulders. “please.”

his plea was a soft whine, giving away just how grumpy he was about waking up alone, and you couldn’t fight the guilt that built up from it.

“i will, i’m sorry.”

your hand squeezed his reassuringly, sending strokes of love and apologizes down the bond to soothe him from within. it seemed to have worked because his arms tightened around you slightly and his breathing slowed down. the tickle of his stubble scratched your neck as he nuzzled in closer, wanting to savor the feeling of you before the day begins.

for a few moments, silence filled the air as you continued to watch the dawn turn into skies of blue, sipping the rest of your tea as you both enjoyed each other.

“missed you, sweetheart.”

you chuckled. “you had me all night. i was only gone for an hour.”

cassian groaned in disapproval to your answer and nipped your neck playfully, causing you to yelp in surprise. his soft tongue was quick to run along the sore spot, and soothed the irritated skin under his wet mouth. “still felt like forever.”

you rolled you eyes at him but felt a sense of appreciation for his need for you. it was flattering coming from a male like him; powerful and so so sexy. how the hell did you get so lucky?

“i don’t like waking up without you.”

you turned to look at him, as difficult as it was given his position, and placed a gentle kiss to the crown of his head. his hair was soaked with his scent, causing your ovaries to scream out for him.

“neither do i, my love.”

his arms tightened around you again, but this time it was an action of security, to remind him that you were there now, in his arms and making no effort to abandon his embrace. your body felt as if it was made for him, the soft plush feel of you against his hard body was safe, like home. he never wanted to see how empty the feeling would be without it.

a few more minutes passed as the two of you fell into a conversation about the day ahead, sorting out each other’s schedules and knowing the where abouts of each mate for assurance that you’ll both be okay. this routine wasn’t rare, in fact it was nearly a daily occurrence given how scared you both are after the war of losing each other. cassian was terrified especially, the thought of losing his whole world, his mate, his girl, made his stomach queasy and bile rise in his throat. without you his life would be nothing, he wouldn’t survive.

as the sky became blue, a rumble of your mate’s stomach brought you back to the reality of your usual mornings.

“want me to make you some pancakes? i’ll add the chocolate chips you love and some powdered sugar.”

his ears perked immediately at the slight mention of food, let alone your cooking. the male was convinced that every me you ever made him was with love, even when you were angry with him. you put so much thought into how he liked things, adding special ingredients you know he likes and serving it to him with a smile and a cheek kiss most days.

you made everything so much better.

a grin creeped on his features as he lifted his face from the crevice of your neck. his eyes finally met yours, and he couldn’t stop his lips from finding the skin of your temple as you looked up at him. next, was your lips. his eyes darted down to your lips, and before you could catch on, he dove in and took your breath away.

the pouty illyrian was no longer there, now the general was awake and greeting his wife for the first time that morning with a kiss.

your lips molded together, tongues smoothing against each other as his hands found your hips, flipping you over to face him so he could get to you deeper.

with you, he always wanted more. nothing was ever enough, he needed all of you.

“i love you.” he mumbled against you.

you smiled into the kiss at the sound of voice, setting down your mug on the table behind you without disconnecting, then wrapping your arms around his middle, his strong, hard torso.

“i love you too, my illyrian baby. always.”

#cassian 🌷 #cassian fluff #cassian x reader #cassian x reader fluff #acotar x reader #acotar blurb #acotar fluff

[findstenicht]

theres two nightingales staying near my house atm and every time i hear them at night its like. hold on hold on now i need a moment. like!! they sound SO pretty!!! its ahhh 💓❤️💕💕❣️💞💝💗💖

#nina.txt #[one of those cat pictures with a million hearts around them] #i dont think ive ever consciously listened to one and #its so magical! like when im on the porch and its night and the stars are visible and nothing else is really making any noise #and then theyre just singing like the night belongs to them #theyre!!!! it really is the small things! like! i dont care! those nightingales are the best thing ive witnessed in months

[mellohyi]

wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

#mellow random #nah because i miss it so much i #pleading eyes emoji #i love latvia

[postcards-to-home]

Split Seconds: 2019

Amongst the dozen or so strangers around me I sit nuzzled between rows 6 &8. Philly lies some 10,000 feet below. The engine purrs softly with each flutter my eyes drift effortlessly towards stillness under the perpetuating night sky.

In dreams I see the faces of those I’ve met haphazardly in my travels. The students I bond with over memories of cheap wine and late-night thrills at Manly corso; the elderly who sit and chat with me about their grandchildren and medical procedures; even the uber drivers who share their love affairs found from words with friends. It’s the everything in-between crisscrossing the unconscious mind.

My new life I remind myself is in constant motion and so must I be. Zig-zaging terminals I curse under my breathe, praying to the lord for an on time departure. With my best friend in tow, my dingy gray suitcase, my day is a constant uphill battle of avoiding my ankles and slow-poke people.  A love affair in the constant throws of “F*ck my life,” & “ I have the greatest job of all time,” (said no one ever).

Mentally I was trained for this. Laughably this entire year I have captured a total of 3 weeks combined training from the two firms I have been employed by- and I can say I think I’m doing A-ok. My 1st job out of college I learned its okay to decide if something is or isn’t right for you. Its 100% okay to move on too- and fast, if a better opportunity arises. It also taught me the value of obtaining strong leader figures in the office. Not necessarily how to be a manager but how to observe what works, how to engage with others effectively and ultimately how not too.

Mistakes are inevitable.

On my very 1st business trip to Hunt Valley, Maryland for whatever reason a conversation was provoked among an older gentleman and I and we chatted the entire way. Come to find out this sharp older gentleman was once the CEO of a hospital in the capital district; a professor at USC and was heading south to see family. The value from this conversation will always be intangible. It was  the 1st time in my professional life I was able to speak not only about who I am as a person, But I  had someone engage in a conversation with me for no other reason than pure interest, and in a non- creepy way. We spoke of antiques, my on again/off again ebay career and content of college curriculum. He explained he managed a young Entrepreneurs group on campus and worked with students to gain shareholders in their startups.

Before we departed ways he said , “Thank you for the lovely chat, I feel deeply that you will be successful one day with whatever you choose to do. You should feel really proud of yourself with hat you’ve accomplished.” (Paraphrased)

It was his words that propelled me into an orbit of motion, setting what would be the tone for the year. In that moment I etched realization into my mind that my abilities generate power I never was aware I held. There was my small voice-heard and admired. Channeling it to engage the right audience became possible after that.

I left my 1st job after just 6 months. Without any regrets.  I sincerely miss mid-day banter with some of my co-workers, but thankfully we still stay in touch.

The road leading to my departure was a rocky one. Still living at home, thankful for my parents gratitude and safe haven I couldn’t help but feel left out of the mix from my peers. While they rounded of  their senior years I was strapped to a desk sifting through excel spreadsheets. In no way did I ever want to back track into the college scene, making money is and always will be exciting. But doing what I was doing, well not so much.

I accepted a position as a Regional Manager for the institution I studied abroad at as many of you have recognized. I am sincerely thankful for the support received throughout this half of my journey this year. I travel, I meet with students both future and former, I do paper work sporadically and I idle at my desk when necessary. It has forced me to both think outside of the box as well as use my voice as the ultimate creative outlet and driving force for success. My soundboard-everchanging day to day.

Through my position I’ve managed to make student’s dreams come true a reward I’ll never take lightly. Its become my daily excitement to hear from students their own excitement about their journey ahead, even having the smallest footprint on their pathway to success has become gratifying in its own respects. Then there are my travels, though sporadic they have led me to meet old friends from my own time studying abroad and new friends alike.

The entire essence of meeting people has opened doorways never thought possible. The most delightful part of 2019 has been meeting others and hearing their own words of insight and stories they too long to share. Spending more time than intended on park benches with near strangers discussing their time in an indigenous tribe in brazil is just scratching the surface of my amusement. It’s a small victory for the once shyest little girl ever.

As I write this it has been 1 full year to the day since I have graduated. In that small span of time I celebrated the New Year in Iceland with two of the most important people in my life, Nick & Jay. We managed to survive Iceland in January, watch the fireworks at Hallgrímskirkja church on New Year’s Eve and not throttle each other after every petty argument, including the 20 minute screaming match that included phrases with “fiber one brownies” and “stupid , useless bitches.”

And then there was Australia. After visiting for the first time in a year in a half my heart felt fully mended. The winters chill couldn’t hold me from breakfast by the beach or wearing my heels to dinner with friends. Being reunited with people who changed my sense of self left that full circle feeling. Yes, quite literally I could have floated into the sun. That is until I had to venture home yet again and my whole world felt displaced yet again. I will live here one day I said outloud, despite what my dad whispers to my mom, “that will never happen.”

Even jay, My bestfriend came to Oz and fell in love with my world.Our trip in November couldn’t have been anymore magical. We soaked in the sun on the beaches of Noosa heads, swam in exotic Tea Tree Lake feeling rejuvenated and watched the sunrise at the Sydney Opera House. Skipping through the Royal Botanical gardens smelling flowers I knew life was grand. Nicole Reine was the Queen on the moment, just like my name says. To have jay wander through the castle I lived and Worked in let nothing but utter giddiness in me. Christmas came early and we couldn’t have enjoyed ourselves more. I will live here one day, felt firmer.

Some of my favorite moments were those sitting in the shed with loved ones after their returns from long journeys: Nick, Tommy, Grace and Emily. We all sat and shared stories from far away places as our minds melted to mush, the sun setting lower in the sky and the colors over Willard mountain fizzled from golden hues to cooling colors of the night sky. The small talks lingered near the kitchen table not on or next to but just around, the dogs lied close by, fading to sleep on the hard wood floors mom never could keep quite clean. It’s the comings and going that are hard to keep up with. But those moments always end as quickly as they come.

It’s a strange thing to realize the moment you leave your childhood home it will never be exactly how you left it. The stars you won at an arcade in Myrtle beach and hung on your ceiling will eventually come down. The color of your walls once chosen with excitement, will be painted over with fresh shades of cream your mother likes. And the emptiness of what once was but never will be, will swallow you whole. I realized this sad feeling creep up as I lay on my empty bedroom floor with my mom and dad huddled tightly around a pile of buttons. Not justa a pile but a ginormous, 40 pound pile of buttons once held safely in their jug, now shattered sharply amongst us. That’s what happens when you leave. Everything shifts, and somethings just can’t handle that. But I sure am sad about that jug of buttons, it was a lifetime labor of love collecting them.

There’s no jug of Buttons in our house on Center Street and im beginning to feel okay with that. Gramma’s blue oriental rug keeps our living room feeling nice and cozy. A small reminder she would have adored the space Jay and I call home.I can almost picture her now tinkering with my knick-knacks on the shelves, just ever so slightly so we wouldn’t notice. Marissa comes and goes as she pleases and the porch never does stay dirt free. I now see why mom’s kitchen floors never could stay clean. Its not Herrington Road but I’ll take it

[callboxkat]

(Un)Broken - part 2

Author’s note: I’m not entirely sure how long this story is going to be. Maybe somewhere around the same length as Quiet. We’ll find out together!

Warnings: Headaches and talk of injuries, worry. Nothing huge.

Word count: 1278

Masterpost!

...

It was Friday night, and Virgil could not have been more relieved that it was the weekend. He and his friends were getting together to hang out and go bowling, something they didn’t do often. Virgil was looking forward to spending time with everyone, especially since they hadn’t been able to do so as much recently.

Virgil had just arrived at his friend Roman’s house: a cozy white two-story with a porch, tidy flowerbeds, and closely cropped grass. They were all meeting here and then carpooling to the bowling alley.

“Hey kiddos!” Patton cried as he bounded towards his friends. “Hi, Logan,” he added almost as an afterthought, specifically addressing the most formally dressed among them.

“Hello, Patton,” Logan said with a small inclination of his head.

Patton hadn’t been calling Logan “kiddo” lately, Virgil had noticed. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t heard Patton call his friend by the nickname since… It must have been spring break, he thought. Probably? He wasn’t sure; but in any case, it had been some time ago. If he was right about the last time being spring break, it had been nearly two months.

However long it had been, Virgil couldn’t help but wonder about the change. Were Patton and Logan drifting apart? Had they had a fight he didn’t know about? Was Patton just finally listening to Logan’s frequent requests to not call him “kiddo” anymore? Or was it something else? They certainly still seemed to be on good terms, but maybe Virgil just wasn’t picking up on something.

He didn’t know, but while the rational part of himself told Virgil that it was likely nothing, he couldn’t help the sting of anxiety in his chest. Virgil was probably just overthinking this.

He decided to leave it alone for now. He had to focus on destroying Roman at bowling, after all.

…

“Oh!” Roman cried as Virgil’s ball struck the pins. “A 7-10 split!”

“I’m still gonna beat you, just wait,” Virgil laughed.

“Yeah, sure, says the guy trailing me by ten,” Roman snarked.

“Come on, kiddos, it’s just a game,” Patton said. He was sitting at the counter behind them, sipping a smoothie.

“It’s only a joke, fear not!” Roman said, turning to shoot Patton a grin.

Virgil’s bowling ball came rolling up the conveyer belt just then, and he casually scooped it up. He held it aloft as if giving Roman a toast, then walked up to the lane. He threw the ball, and….

Roman stared in shock as both pins went down. One skidding across the wood to take out the other. Virgil had gotten a spare. He turned to his friend in exaggerated outrage. “What? How?!”

“An incredible amount of unholy power,” Virgil said, already sauntering back over to his seat. “And a little luck—Logan’s turn!” he cried before Roman could respond.

Logan broke off from where he had been conversing with Joan, looking surprised that his turn had come up already. “One moment,” he told Joan, who just gestured at the lane with an amicable smile.

Logan walked up to the bowling balls and selected his own from the assembly. Roman had noticed that it was a few pounds lighter than all of the others (especially the one Roman was using—he may or may not have chosen a heavy one to show off). While Logan would probably claim it was chosen purely because it fit his fingers best, or that he had preferred its plain color, Roman guessed that Logan had picked it for ease. That was good. Logan should take care of himself, especially since he hadn’t even gotten his cast off yet. He still shuffled a bit when he walked, too, although he tried to hide it.

Even though the lighter ball already meant that it was harder to knock down as many pins as Roman’s own 16-pound ball could, Logan was honestly just really bad at bowling. Roman thought that he should probably be using the bumpers, although he would never dare suggest it.

Logan bowled an unimpressive gutter ball, followed by knocking down the two pins furthest to one side of the lane. Patton let out a cheer when they went down, but Roman didn’t miss Logan rolling his eyes at what he probably felt was a slightly patronizing gesture. Roman, though, knew that Patton probably really was just excited that Logan had knocked down some pins, but Logan didn’t necessarily see it that way.

“My turn!” Talyn announced unnecessarily. They hopped down to the floor from their stool and walked over, lightly touching Logan’s shoulder as he passed by on his way to rejoin Joan.

…

At the end of the game, Talyn was in the lead, followed by Virgil, Joan, Roman, Patton, and finally, Logan.

Logan didn’t mind coming in last place. His talents lay in more intellectual pursuits, and besides, he was still not back to 100%. He had still had fun spending time with his friends. He had had a nice chat with Joan about a project they were doing for their math class, and it had been amusing to hear Roman splutter indignantly at his decisive loss to Virgil—despite his earlier confident boasting that he would win.

“Shall we have a rematch?” Roman offered.

“I’d be okay with it,” Joan said. “Logan?”

Everyone turned to look at him. Logan felt heat rise into his face.

“We don’t have to,” Virgil quickly said.

“I—well, I don’t know,” Logan said.

“You don’t have to actually play,” Roman said. “You can just hang out and watch. Maybe I’ll even give you a couple of my turns, if you want them.” The corner of his mouth curled up in a hopeful smile.

It was clear that the possibility of a second game was only in question because Logan was there. They all wanted to play—they were just leaving the decision up to him.

“Ah… fine,” he relented. “I’ll play.” Virgil gave him a slightly skeptical, concerned look, but the cheers of his other friends were enough to make him more certain of his answer. He gave Virgil a small nod of reassurance as Roman and Talyn went up to the counter to extend their rentals.

The next game went much like the first, with Logan in last place and Roman again losing to Virgil—although this time by a much lesser margin. Logan and the others returned their bowling balls and shoes and walked outside to head home.

“One more and I’d have won!” Roman was insisting.

“Sure, sure,” Virgil laughed.

“Did you have a good time?”

Logan looked over to see Patton had come up alongside him. He cleared his throat. “Certainly. Getting to be with you all was… satisfactory.”

“Oh, I’m glad!” he said, his smile widening. “We’ve missed hanging out with you.”

Logan had missed them too. Even though he still saw everyone in classes, and even though they had often come to visit him while he was unwell, being together in this context was an entirely different matter. He was glad that he had come tonight. He almost hadn’t, due to that conversation with his doctor and his concern that the environment would severely worsen his headache. He was glad he’d changed his mind. The bowling alley had been fairly empty, so it hadn’t been too loud for him, and the lights and color contrasts hadn’t been as harsh as he’d feared they might be. He had had a nice time.

While he could feel the start of a headache pressing in his skull, he could tell that it would not be a bad one. It was worth it.

...

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#thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fan fiction #ts fanfic #ts fanfiction #(un)broken fic #unbroken fic #college au

[wandering-around-the-world8]

Ireland Day 2

WARNING: Unnecessary emotional rambling. Skip ahead to read about the actual place. Today was better than yesterday, obviously. But now I’m just barely functioning. I didn’t wake up till 3 pm today (combo of yesterdays high stress, jet lag, and 3 hours of sleep on a plane) and I couldn’t convince myself to get out of bed till 4 pm. I had wanted to go on a walk down to the bay. But I couldn’t do it. I could barely leave my room without being overwhelmed with anxiety. Then I get back to my room and I’m consumed with disappointment in myself because I’m in friggin in Ireland and I’m not seeing it and I’m not doing what would make me happy and I’m trash. Then I scold myself for sleeping till 3, not getting out of bed till 4, and then taking too long to get dressed.Then I’m in constant dread of seeing my dad or stepmom because I feel like I have to act a certain way and they’re going to notice if I’m acting different but I should be fine now since we know the cause of the seizures and know it’s not life threatening. Now I feel like crap because I’m in a dream vacation spot and all I can do is ramble about shit on the internet. Ill give you a run down of yesterday. I was the only one there for the first seizure and in both cases I was the one who had to remain calm and collected and get shit done. Now I was raised in a family where they instilled the idea that in emergency situations they would always be there for support. I learned yesterday that my dad is USELESS in emergency situations. Not his fault I know, but it knocked a core foundation I had learned all my life onto its ass. Also his response is panicked shouting and screaming at me to do something and trying to leave me in charge while he goes and waits for the ambulance making me the main person responsible to keep the sick person alive. The whole thing really did a number on my mind. After the first seizure I had managed to calm myself and tell myself that its not likely ill be put in a situation like that again and if I do I know how to handle it better (which was true, but it didn’t stop the level of panic when it did happen) So right as I’d finally calmed myself, the second seizure happened and my dad panicked worse because there was blood since she had bitten her tongue the first time and opened the wound when it happened. So round two caught me off guard so badly and I’ve been on edge ever since. It’s like walking through one of those Halloween haunted houses where the monsters jump out at you. I’m just waiting for the bad thing to happen or the panic to set in. I walk downstairs and I can hear my dad panicking and screaming my name and to do something. I look out the downstairs window and my heart races as I scan the roads for an ambulance. I walk through the hall and I see flashes of my stepmom’s body seizing up. It’s like there’s an echo the day left behind.

And this is all happening on top of my usual general and social anxiety. I feel like I have to be strong and be normal instead of doing stuff I want because I know my dad will question it. Even if I got myself outside to the beach I’d be consumed by anxiety based on judgement or that my dad would start questioning what was going on with me. I tried to tell him that I don’t process stress the way he or most people do, but I couldn’t stop the panic enough to form coherent sentences. Im also feeling guilty that I’m glad the hospital is keeping my stepmom for another night, possibly two for treatment because I know when she comes back I’ll feel the urge to check on her every 5 minutes. Im currently looking out my bedroom window and each time I see a car that looks like the one we rented, my heart races with anxious dread knowing that my dad is coming back and that I can’t relax and I have to interact and be fine and social. Being alone is not something my dad understands and he thinks someone who wants to be alone means they’re upset or unhappy. He’s also very emotional and wants to talk about feelings and I do not. My poor therapist knows this better than anyone. Expressing my personal emotions and feelings (with the exception of anonymous internet ramblings) freak me the fuck out. I want to sit on the porch, but between the anxiety of being downstairs and the fear my dad will ask what I’m typing or try and socialize with me is too much (I am an awful daughter tbh) so instead I’m sitting on this nifty window seat in my room with the window open. Long story short ,here I am, complaining when I should be grateful I even got to come to Ireland. I feel like an awful human.

Okay enough emotions.

START READING HERE FOR REGULAR STUFF

It really is beautiful here. I can see the bay from my bedroom window and the ocean from the kitchen window. The ocean is about 4 miles away, but the bay is at the bottom of the hill. It looks like it’s made of dark gemstones from the way it sparkles in the sunlight. Everyone said it would rain the whole time I was here (not that I would mind, I love rainy weather), but it’s been sunshine both days and clear at night. Oh my god you guys the stars! It’s so clear here and the stars are so bright and there are so many! I only got to see them for a moment last night when we got home from the hospital and I hope I can sneak downstairs after everyone goes to sleep to see them again. The town I’m in is magical. It’s set on rolling hills of bright green and there are farm animals everywhere. The sheep next door come right up to the fence and the neighbors behind us have sheep, chickens, and cows. The homes are all white or a pale color and they all have dark roofs. There are always boats on the bay as well. I can see three from my window. The place we’re staying in is about halfway up a hill and the view is incredible. Pictures won’t do it justice. Oh! I also met a dog who is apparently a neighborhood or town dog. She helped calm me down as I waited for the ambulance the second time. I haven’t seen her today, but I hope I get to before I leave. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll go on that walk and maybe she’ll be there. That’s all for now. Lets see if I can work up the confidence to go to the pub with my dad. His friends are playing there tonight and they have infectious levels of joy.

[callboxkat]

Quiet (part 19)

Author’s note: I’m not going to lie, the end of this part turns into tooth-rotting fluff. I hope everyone has their floss ready.

Warnings: selective mutism, college, food mention, reference to previous fights

Word Count: Somewhere around twelve hundred? Word is being glitchy again.

Masterpost!

Virgil pulled the new hoodie snug around him. It fit him better than his old one had. Had Roman really made this for him? Was that where he’d been the past two days? He probably would have accepted just the apology.

An idea occurred to him. But should he do it? Was it really a good idea?

Perhaps he shouldn’t overthink it too much, or his jaw would lock up on him.

“It’s Virgil,” he mumbled suddenly.

Roman looked over, confused. “What?”

“My name,” Virgil repeated, with only a miniscule increase in volume. “It’s Virgil.”

“Virgil?” Roman stared at him for a second, as if caught off guard, and for a second Virgil thought he might start laughing. Virgil started twisting the ends of his new hoodie’s sleeves in his fingers. He knew it was a dorky name, but it was his name! He didn’t know if he could take it if Roman started laughing, not right after—

“I like it,” Roman said, interrupting Virgil’s thoughts before they could spiral too far.

“Oh… good.” Virgil swallowed, hoping the wave of relief crashing over him hadn’t been too obvious.

...

“So…” Roman said after a while. “Would you want to reinstate movie night?”

Virgil glanced up from his phone, raising an eyebrow. Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Roman seemed to catch his meaning. “We don’t have to, I just thought… I mean, I know Patton misses them, and I’m sure Logan does too, no matter what that wet blanket says. Plus, it’d be nice to hang out with Joan and Talyn more.”

Virgil sighed, rubbing his wrist uncertainly. He had to admit it sounded nice. It could be like before everything had gone wrong. Perhaps better, even, now that the others knew that Virgil wasn’t just too arrogant to speak to them. But it could also be very awkward and strained, and what if another fight started? What if they decided Virgil was lying?

“Virgil?” Roman ventured at his side. “What do you think?”

He shrugged.

“We could even do one tonight. It’s Friday, after all. Or… or we could have it tomorrow night, or maybe wait until next week. Whatever works for you.”

Virgil bit his bottom lip. He had to admit it was a little satisfying, seeing Roman basically beg him like this. But that wasn’t why he was drawing this out: he really wasn’t sure.

“We could watch Nightmare before Christmas?”

Virgil chewed the inside of his cheek for a few seconds before asking, “D-do you have The Black Cauldron?”

Roman looked mildly offended. “You think I would have an incomplete Disney collection?”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

…

The two of them decided that waiting until the next night for their movie night would be better. It would give the others more warning beforehand, since it wasn’t fair to just spring the plans on them. They had probably made other plans for their Friday already.

After only a short while longer, in which time Roman had somehow managed to apologize about fifteen times and check repeatedly that Virgil really did like the hoodie and wasn’t lying, Virgil escorted Roman out of the building.

Virgil, leaning on the door, made a gesture in place of a verbal good-bye.

“Bye, Virgil. See you tomorrow.”

“Yep,” Virgil said, nodding awkwardly. “Oh, and Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell the others where I live.”

…

Patton had been delighted to hear the news about V and Roman’s reconciliation –and the subsequently planned movie night!—but he had to admit he was nervous. This was their first movie night since the disastrous falling out between Roman and V, and Patton really wanted it to go well. He just wanted them all to be friends again, and for whatever reason, it felt like this movie night was the big deciding factor. He had a right to be apprehensive, though, didn’t he? Patton couldn’t help but dwell on everything that had happened.

Roman said that he had apologized to V, and that V had accepted it, but after such a long, drawn out fight, Patton just couldn’t find it in himself to believe that everything was just going to be okay again.

He sure hoped so, though.

…

Virgil nervously paced up and down the path that led up to the library building, waiting for Patton to arrive and pick him up. He didn’t have any of his school things with him this time, not bothering with the pretense that he had been working in the library. He was too nervous to bother.

“V!!” an excited voice called.

Virgil turned to see Patton, having just parked at the side of the road, closing his car door and jogging up the path towards him. He threw his arms wide, and Virgil found himself enveloped in a tight hug.

Virgil stumbled back a couple paces, bringing his own arms up to return the hug. “P—Patton, hi,” he laughed.

“I love the new jacket, kiddo! Are you ready to go?”

Virgil nodded, and then the two of them returned to Patton’s car. Logan was in the back seat.

“Salutations.”

Virgil made a peace sign in response, getting in the front passenger seat.

…

The three friends arrived at Roman’s house in only a few minutes. Virgil fought the urge to rub the back of his neck, a nervous habit, as they made their way up to the porch.

Roman must’ve seen them approach, as he flung open the door just as Patton was about to knock.

“Welcome, friends!” he said grandly. Virgil noticed he wasn’t wearing his prince costume, but rather, a simple t-shirt and sweatpants. “Come on in!”

Joan and Talyn were already inside, setting up a mass of blankets and pillows in front of the television. An array of refreshments were laid out on the coffee table, including a large bowl of popcorn, two large pizza boxes, an assortment of drinks, and a bowl of Halloween candy. This last was in spite of the fact that it wouldn’t even be October for another week, something Logan was sure to point out but which none of them would actually care about.

To say that that movie night went much better than the last one was an understatement. They had lots of food, watched a few movies (The Black Cauldron was up first, of course), and the five guests finally met Roman’s brother, a high schooler named Emilio, when he snuck in to steal some candy. Patton immediately invited him to watch one of the movies with them, which none of the others minded, except maybe Roman.

No one made mention of the fight at the last movie night, or of the two very tense weeks that had followed, but Virgil did get plenty of compliments on his new shoes and hoodie. And nobody asked him to pitch in for the pizza.

Just as the credits started rolling for the last movie, Virgil finally told the rest of the group his name.

The reactions were a mixed bag. Virgil thought that Patton might explode from excitement, and Logan went off on a tangent about how Virgil “suited him excellently” due to its resemblance to the word “vigil” and how the name was thought to come from the term “vigilance”—Virgil didn’t even bother questioning at this point why Logan would randomly happen to know such specific information about his name. Talyn only said that it was a nice name, not making as big a deal out of it as some of the others, and Joan just smiled. Roman was clearly trying to pretend that the name was news to him as well, and being the theatre nerd he was, knew not to go overboard in the act.

All in all, the movie night hadn’t been a disaster. He had finally revealed his name, and it hadn’t gone as horribly as he feared. He had his friends back, even Roman.

Maybe Virgil could survive this whole college thing after all.

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#one more part to go! #thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides fan fiction #fanfiction #ts fanfic #quiet fic #college au