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zmayadw · 3 years

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Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“ „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head, to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off. I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything. My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“ „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up.

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not.

How many bedrooms are in your house? four.

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby.

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric.

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy.

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment.

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times.

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more.

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

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mother-snake · 4 years

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its only logical

(loceit angst? More likely than you think! Anyways hello and enjoy this piece of garbage that I call my writing. I might tun this into a mini au… so you might get a second part later)

started this yesterday afternoon and havent slept since :P

word count:5461

warnings: angst and remus being remus.(tell me if yall need more)

-Logan has had enough of the light sides not listening to him. And after being silenced… well, Janus knows how it feels and offers him a place at his side as a fellow dark. He takes the offer. –

Come along with me And the butterflies and bees

Logan stared at the computer screen in front of himself. He knew that this would be worthless… he knew that they wouldn’t stick to his schedule. They hadn’t last time or the several times before then. A wish upon a star…

He looked at the computer before closing it over and rubbing his neck. The bruise that spanned over the back had gone down to a light pale green, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Janus had immediately apologized when he had hooked his neck instead of his shoulder.

After the video he had actually came to check up on him. He had been doing so for a while thinking about it. Every other day at least. For two weeks now.

He had been meaning to ask the other something. The date on the wall showed that today would be a visiting one. A small smile came on his face and was just as quickly gone.

He couldn’t feel emotion. He was the brain. He didn’t have any.

“lying to yourself again about that?” the familiar voice rang through his room. “its not a lie, it’s the truth,” “and my job is dealing with Thomas’s creativity,” he sighed, “so, what’s wrong?”

“why is everything I do ignored, why do I try so hard to be seen when I never do in the end,” Logan muttered, “am I just doing things that will inevitably be ignored.”

Logan turned his eyes to see Janus sitting on the edge of his bed. Looking like he was processing what to say next before his eyes lit up slightly. “then come join me!” he cheered, “join me in the dark side.”

Logan hadn’t been expecting that of all things. He had to process for a couple seconds… joining the dark sides?

That actually that didn’t sound so bad when he thought about it. “think about it, were both not listened to, we could use the company and if we work together, they might listen!” Janus sounded almost like a child on Christmas.

Logan let a small smile appear, “how would we do it?”

Janus smiled back, “I can move your room but ill be out like a light as soon as it’s done,”

Logan pondered a little longer before nodding.

As said Janus snapped his fingers and collapsed but was caught by the logical side who moved him onto his bed.

Was that really it? Was that all it took?

We can wander through the forest And do so as we please

Once he got the other in a comfier position he cautiously walked over to his door. He gave it a small nudge and it creaked open. The first thing he noticed was the amount of plants in the hall. The walls were black and the floor a sleek wood.

It felt homely compared to the plain empty white one of the lights.

He closed the door as he re entered his room. He sighed and sat down in the spinney chair. He twisted it back to the computer that lay closed over. He opened the laptop and began to type.

He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep. But he had awoken on his bed where Janus should have been.

Wait… oh, yes that was something he had forgotten about quickly. But a smile formed as he made his way to the door and down the hall. There was space between a few plants that were able to fit doors. The only ones there being a bright yellow and dark navy door.

He wondered how long he’d been asleep for. He heard footsteps coming down the hall, ones he could easily pinpoint as Janus.

He had been surprised when he realized the smile on his face had yet to disappear.

When Janus turned the corner and into Logan’s view, he could feel the blush forming.

The deceitful side was in black shorts and a plain short sleeved yellow shirt. His long hair in a messy bun. He still looked half asleep.

He was holding two cups. He guessed that’s where the coffee smell was coming from.

“good morning Logan,” he said as he caught sight of the other standing at the door. “good morning to you too Janus.” “coffee, black three sugars,” he was handed a black mug.

He opened his door and reentered the smallish room, the other close behind.

He looked over to his desk and the computer. Last night he managed to get over half of a weeks forth of work done. One or two more hours and it might be done on time.

A small part of him began to wonder if the others had noticed if he had left to join the scaley side.

He looked over to the other who had wrapped himself with the several blankets that had occupied his bed.

“I have an idea id like to try,” logic said, catching the attention of the other. “and what would that be?” he could tell the other was curious. “I think an outfit change is in order.”

Janus sleepily smiled at the other as he began to open the wardrobe and pull out different artifacts of clothing. most were different shades of blue. But the ones that had caught Janus’s eyes were the couple pieces of coral colored clothing.

It wasn’t much but they seemed to be the few pieces to stand out in his mind.

Once the coffee kicked in, he unraveled himself and made his way over to the pile.

A plain white long-sleeved shirt, dark grey knee shorts and a coral moth-eaten hoodie. Black combat boots also had caught his attention.

he grabbed the pieces and shoved them in the arm of the other. He looked at Logan with a grin as he made his way to the small bathroom connected to the room.

A small blush appeared on the scaled side. He was happy to see the other shedding his skin for something new. He chuckled at the unintentional pun that had slipped through his thoughts.

It was another five minutes before the other stepped out in the new outfit.

It took Janus a while to process what he was seeing. Snapping out of his thoughts as the other shifted in his spot for a couple seconds. “that’s the one,” Janus grinned.

Logan blushed for a couple seconds as he looked at his new friend.

Come along with me To a cliff under a tree

It was another four hours of them cuddling when he felt it

That familiar tug on the stomach. He was being summoned by one of the others or Thomas. And apparently it wasn’t just him. Janus had shifted to look at the other in confusion.

“should we go?” Janus asked the other. “I think we should. They are going to find out sooner or later,” he groaned.

The tug came back for the two of them. they quickly stood up and grabbed the tugging sensation and followed it into Thomas’s living room.

When they rose up the first thing, they had seen was the confused looks of the others. Most likely because they weren’t waring what they usually wearing.

“I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?” Thomas asked guiltily. “no, you didn’t, now what seems to be the problem Thomas,” Logan said.

“actually, can I just ask why we needed deceit of all people here for this,” Virgil growled.

“we need Janus’s input too Virge,” Patton said calmly.

The conversation went on from there. Several times the logical side and deceitful side had been interrupted or ignored.

They looked at each other before Janus pulled everyone’s hand’s over their mouths other than Logan.

They looked over to Janus who stood with an icy glare. Logan’s eyes holding the same look.

It was at that moment the lights looked at Logan waiting for him to explain. “I’ve had enough. I’ve told you before you don’t listen to me, and this is your consequence.”

“we’re tired of being ignored. If you want us, we will be ignoring you,” Janus gave a sickly smile as he sunk out.

Logan stayed as the others finally had the ability to speak. “Logan” Thomas muttered. “if you don’t want to listen, then don’t. but we will make you listen.”

He sunk out.

He arrived next to Janus who was rubbing his temples. He didn’t blame the other, the others were always difficult to deal with.

He gingerly walked over to the other and pulled him into a loose hug. He felt the other hug back, head resting on his own due to the height difference.

They stood like that for a small while longer. Both not wanting to let go but knowing they would have to in the end.

Where we can gaze upon the water As an everlasting dream

Two weeks since the incident and things had slowly begun to change between the two of them quickly. Logan could feel himself showing emotion. He could finish work quicker knowing that Janus wouldn’t get angry at him if he didn’t get it done on time. He also spent more time in the others room.

Janus had always been closed off. Mainly in fear that if he got too close people it would just hurt if they left. But now he was spending most of his time stroking Logan’s hair as they cuddled on the couch in the dark communal area.

Logan had been asleep for around half an hour. Head resting on his chest as he cuddled the other like a koala. the shift in the air was enough for Janus to look around. Standing by the entrance were two people he wishes weren’t there.

Patton and Thomas.

They looked over in his direction and looked almost startled upon seeing him. I moved my hand and put a finger up to my lips, they better be quiet.

Seeming to take the hint they slowly made their way forwards.

They seemed to understand upon seeing Logan cuddled up on top of me. A smile etched on their faces and Patton trying not to squeal. “what do you want now?” I whispered. “we came to apologies, I know its late but we were trying to get the other to come as well,” Patton whispered back.

He couldn’t taste a lie. So that was a start.

“I can take forgive you, but my trust won’t be so easily won by an apology. As said before, there is only so many apologies one can take.”

Logan shifted slightly, nuzzling further into my side.

A small smile plastered on my face as looked down at him. “you two are good for each other,” Thomas muttered but was caught by my ear causing me to blush. “id suggest coming around later to apologies to Logan, he can sleep like a log some times,” I whispered.

They gave a quick nod before disappearing. Well… he hoped they would at least. They had a lot to say sorry for to Logan and he would get them to apologies for everything if needed.

He stayed there for another hour before the other had slowly began to wake up. he knew that it would be another couple hours before the others came back.

Janus moved slightly so the other could sit up as he rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes. Janus handed him his glasses that were on top of his head.

“thanks.” “come on I think we should have lunch,” Janus said as he ruffled the others hair, “you want noodles?”

Logan hadn’t been expecting much to happen that day so he thought he could spend a bit more time napping after lunch. But when he entered his room, the last thing he was expecting was Virgil of all people.

His eyeshadow was darker than the norm, but other than that nothing had really changed. “salutations Virgil.”

Virgil stared at the other almost like he didn’t know what to say. But his nervous fidgeting made it clear he would need to wait a couple minuets for the other to gather some courage.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I keep ignoring you,” he exclaimed as he looked away from the other. “whilst I can accept your apology I won’t be able to forgive you, not until I know it won’t happen again,” he looked at the anxious side with a look that could only be described as cold.

Virgil sighed and stood up, “then I will try my best teach.” “do understand that its not only me you need to apologies to.”

He saw the other wince at his declaration. But he also saw knowingness in his eyes. No words were spoken. Virgil only nodded before sinking out.

All of my collections I'll share them all with you

Logan had been working for a while when he decided to go check on the other. he would need to ask someone soon why he kept getting a weird feeling in his stomach whilst around the other. Also, why his cheeks kept going warm… maybe he was allergic to something.

He made his way to the communal area and mentally noted to water all the plants later if Janus had forgotten to do so.

Logan sighed as he placed his hands inside his hoodie’s pockets. He really had changed over the course of two weeks. Well that would make sense.

Without people putting him down an telling him what he should and shouldn’t be doing all the time, he was… re discovering himself he supposed.

The kitchen had been where he found the other. He had a plate with some abomination. Cupcake frosting and a packet of corn chips.

He had seen the other eating them a couple days ago and had been slightly mortified.

Well… he didn’t really say anything. He was the one who ate jam straight from the jar after all.

“how are you this evening?” Logan asked looking at the other. “tired, gay and stressed. Also waiting.” “waiting for who?”

“Thomas and Patton. They came over earlier whilst you were napping. They came to apologies to us both. You being asleep I said they could come by later. I should have given them a time,” he groaned and banged his head of the table.

Logan laughed at the others dramatics.

“Virgil came to apologies earlier,” Logan said as he reached for a jar of jam. “wait. He did?”

“yup, I told him I couldn’t forgive him, but I might one day,” he paused to open the jar, “I think the same applies to everyone else honestly,”

It was then that the feeling in the room shifted. They had come back.

Nodding, they put their respective foods down and made their way back into the main area.

Thomas, Patton and Virgil this time. Each one shifting nervously upon seeing the two standing there holding hands.

Logan and Janus slowly etched their way forwards before gesturing for the three sides to take a seat on the sofa.

They sat not talking for a couple minuets. No one really knowing what to say in case they scared each other off or say anything that could cause another argument.

“I know you want to apologies, and what I said to Virgil applies to both of you, I can’t forgive any one of you. Yet. And my trust will have to be earned back. If I’m ignored, I won’t be silent anymore,”

Patton weakly smiled, “I think that’s fair kiddo. And if you want to stay here whilst we try and re build what we’ve broken,” he gestured to the other two in the room, “then that fine by me at least. Its clear that you two need each other. And I won’t take that away.”

The two sat there stunned. Processing what was being said.

“well, I suppose I should say sorry to you too Janus,” Virgil mumbled, hiding his head in his hood.

Janus looked at the other with weary eyes, “no, in this case it should be I,” he stated, “I was the one to drive you away.”

“but it was me who always caused the arguments, you just wanted me to be safe, but I kept resisting any of your attempts to help,” Virgil’s voice broke at the end, “and because I felt a rift between you and Remus formed. And then he left. God knows how long you’ve been here alone.”

Everyone in the room seemed to go quiet. “then maybe we should both say we suck at apologies and try to rebuild what remains,” Janus said causing Virgil to give a small laugh. “yeah, and I don’t expect you to trust me either,”

They stayed a little longer. Deciding to play a couple episodes of Voltron before they left. It was a peaceful atmosphere from the one that had previously been tense.

It was when Patton looked over to see Janus and Logan both fast asleep curled up tight to one another did he quickly nudge the others and point. they quickly realized what he was meaning. Virgil turned the tv off and Patton summoned a blanket and covered them both before the two sunk out.

Thomas looked or a couple seconds at the dark and new dark side and smiled. If they were happy here together, he wasn’t stopping them.

And he sunk out to try and get a couple things done on the planner Logan had set up.

Maybe by next summer We won't have changed our tune

Janus stood in the kitchen talking to Patton and Logan when he felt that bizarre pull. “ill be back in a while, Thomas appears to need my assistance,” he placed his mug on the counter before he gave a quick smile and sunk out.

He appeared in Logan’s place and froze as he was met with two people he wasn’t really expecting to see. The twins. Both looked easily confused and turned to Thomas. “why is he here, I thought you were summoning specs,” roman complained.

“I knew you wouldn’t be happy if I said I was calling on Janus. And anyway, the reason he is here is because you three need to talk, like it or not. You need to at least tolerate each other at most.”

“do understand that I don’t want to be here, but he has a point,” Janus mumbled as he looked over to the two others.

The two stared at the other side, expecting for him to put up more of a fight. Remus knew something had to have happened for two reasons. On being he wouldn’t wear something that showed most of his scales, they had always been a sensitive subject; and two, well… he wouldn’t give in so easily.

Roman as far as he knew the other, only knew the face he was good at manipulating people to get them on his side, tare them down and have almost everyone turn on you. So, he didn’t know what was happening right now. Weather he was being sincere or manipulating everyone once again.

One stared in worry for the other, the second stared worried for everyone else.

“I know I’ve done some fairly… crappy things in the past. And I can admit up to it. But I was frustrated okay. I didn’t know any other way I could get you to trust me in that moment after everything id done. And the first thing you do after I say my name is laugh,” he gave a small weak chuckle, “I lashed out in frustration and resentment.”

He stood still. He didn’t look up at anyone, finding the floor more amusing.

” specs has really chipped away at your walls hasn’t he anus?”

“yeah, I think he has,” he let out a slightly amused chuckle.

“why are you trusting him?” roman asked frustrated at what was happening. “because dear brother as much as I hate him, I can’t sense any malice intention dripping of him like blood in an open wound,” he patted his brothers back. “you can trust him, but I won’t. Him and his snake face won’t be getting an apology from me.”

Roman sunk out sending his icy glare towards Janus.

He would be lying to himself if he said that his words didn’t hurt. That would easily be seen through due to the tears slowly coming from his eyes.

He was barely aware of his once friend stepping forwards before he too sunk out to go find Logan. He needed the other right now. He needed him now.

When he rose, he found himself in the kitchen that smelled like fresh cookies.

He rubbed his eyes trying to stop the tears. A tight feeling was beginning to encompass his chest. Tightening the further he began to walk.

“Logan,” he whispered lightly as he scanned the room to find no one there.

He checked the communal space to find no one there either.

Then he found himself beginning to walk over to the navy door that lay opposite his own. Knocking three times and muttering the other sides name once more.

He could hear movement on the other side. The door creaked open. Logan looked at the other with wide eyes before the door swung open and was immediately wrapped in a hug from the other.

He broke down. The tears that had been slowly falling were flowing out now. His silent crying turned into sobbing.

Why couldn’t he do anything right?

We'll still want to be With the butterflies and bees

Logan lead the other into his room. Several thoughts began swirling around his head. Mainly wondering what had happened for Janus to break down like this.

In the entire time he had known the other this was the first time he had seen the other let out so much at once.

He grabbed a couple blankets and pillows from a very much so growing pile and wrapped them around the other and himself. He found himself humming a tune. One he was familiar with. It had been a while since he had used this particular one.

The other side seemed to calm down as he repeated the melody. The other calming down, tired and weak from using so much energy, but he joined in the song as he finished the final couple notes.

“Adventure time?” the sleepy side murmured as he snuggled into the warmth of the other, a few stray tears here and there.

“I’m surprised you remember it.” “I like fern. Of course, I would remember it.”

Janus was the first to fall asleep. Logan moved him so that he was lying down in a comfier position and lay down next to him. Between Janus and the fluffy thick blanket, he could feel himself dosing of. “m’love you” he heard Janus almost inaudibly. But still caught it. “m’love you too,” and he was soon asleep curled up next to the other.

The only reason Logan woke up was due to the ungodly loud knock on his door. He waved his hand and unlocked the door and let it creak open slowly.

Remus made his way into the room with roman in his grasp who was looking both guilty and annoyed. Remus was smiling chaotically.

Logan only glared at them both.

They became quiet as they saw the sleeping snake that had a tight grip on the logical sides arm, using it as a makeshift pillow filled with warmth.

A small pool of guilt rose in roman. When Remus had came into his room, he had yelled at him for a good half an hour about not exploiting someone’s weakness when they were clearly vulnerable themselves.

That lead him to find out about Janus’s problems with his scales.

Twice. Twice he had made fun of one of his extreme venerability’s. he hated the other. If he had known. He doubts he would have said a thing…

“how is he?” Remus asked concern laced in his voice. “exhausted. He pretty much cried himself to sleep. May I ask what happened. He was fine when he sunk out.”

“my brother happened. We came to do some apologizing but apparently he is sleeping like a corpse.”

“you know, before he left the only thing on his mind was that he needed to find you,” that seemed to catch Logan off guard slightly.

“you hurt Janus and I swear it will be the last thing you do” Remus growled, “welp, I’m off we shall return later to apologize to double dee,” and with that they left.

Making up new numbers And living so merrily

Logan looked over to Janus. Was he really that obvious? He wouldn’t deny he had feelings for the other. Well… if talk with Patton meant something at least.

Maybe he would tell the other soon… waiting a while might also be a logical option as well… he truly needed to work out his emotions one day. After so long of pretending he didn’t have any, it was getting

difficult to differentiate between several.

He snuggled back up against Janus deciding he would wait a bit longer since the other was fast asleep as of right now.

He let out a content sigh and closed his eyes. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla lulling him back to sleep.

They did come back. And Janus almost immediately left the room. If it weren’t for Logan’s confirmation on why they were there, he was sure his door would be locked by now.

So, he did the next best thing and stood behind the other as he listened to Logan apologize for his words.

Janus only looked at the other. Waiting to taste a single lie. But he couldn’t. so, when roman finished he let out a tiny breath and looked at roman.

For the first time in a while he felt as if several weights had been lifted all at once.

All of my collections I'll share them all with you

It had been two months and Logan had enough. he needed to tell the other and soon, before his confidence became null.

Using the things, he had remembered from the conversations he had remembered that Janus’s favorite flowers were red carnations and his favorite sweets in hand.

He had been sitting by the others door, waiting for him to come back from filming. They had been at it for over half an hour now.

When the other and popped up by his side suddenly he had almost figuratively jumped out of his own skin.

A smile formed on his face as he heard the other laugh at his reaction. He stood up from his position on the floor, the carnations and sweets being held out to the other.

Janus looked at them for a couple seconds before taking them and smiling wide.

“I’ve been meaning to speak to you and… well as you know I’m not very good at the whole emotions thing, but… I’ve been speaking to Patton and he assures me that this is the one thing I know,” he paused looking at the other before turning his gaze away. “I um… like you, as in id like to maybe date you, I’m not very good with this am I-“

He was cut off by Janus’s hand cupping his cheek and gently turning his head to face the other before he felt a soft pair of lips on his own. He immediately melted into the gentile kiss. It was all he needed to know.

The only reason they had to part was because of air. They stared at one another before they both began to giggle.

I'll be here for you always And always be with you

It was a week later that they felt that now familiar tug. Both appearing in Thomas’s living room. Janus was behind Logan, draping himself over the other.

When everyone saw them together the only thing they could do was grin. “please tell me we don’t have to watch you two eyes fucking one another anymore” Remus stated.

A couple people laughed at the bluntness of the statement. Others just rolled their eyes. “if you mean that we are dating, we are indeed,” Janus grinned and pecked Logan’s cheek before he turned a cherry red in blush.

“well its nice to see you two finally together. Honestly, I thought you would have gotten together sooner being the only two functioning braincells of all of us,” Virgil let a loose smile appear.

“I want to be insulted, but I know you’re right about that,” Thomas muttered.

The conversation went on from there. Janus and Logan both inputting. When spoken over they made it clear they weren’t happy and they were given a quick sorry.

Another thing was that it was only twice that it had happened. Once because Patton got over emotional and Virgil because he just wanted them to get to the main issue instead of skirting around the edges.

Come along with me And the butterflies and bees

It was another month when they had woken up. but something had clearly changed because this was one of the very few nights that they had slept separately in their own rooms.

So, when Janus woke next to the other on a much larger bed than normal, to say he was confused was an understatement.

Logan was yet to start clinging to him so it was clear that whatever happened. It happened recently.

He snapped his fingers to turn on a lamp or two.

The walls were a deep grey, but everything else had been either navy or a bright sunflower yellow.

He slipped out of the bed and made his way over to the door. Or doors. One yellow and another navy. But both… connected. He opened the door to find nothing on the other wall. Where his door should have been was a blank space void of any sign it had been there in the first place.

Had their doors connected? Was that even possible. Sure, they had gotten extremely close as of recently. But close enough for their rooms to connect as one? That was something he would need to discuss with Logan. Or weather something else was at play.

But for right now, the comfort of his lover and bed sounded more appealing than whatever was happening right now.

We can wander through the forest And do so as we please

It had taken approximately two hours of talking that morning to get a steady idea on what had happened.

Patton had woken that morning to come visit. Due to a small headache Logan wished the other would be silent for a little bit.

And then he had stopped talking. Logan looked up to the other to see his hand clamped to his mouth, looking at the logical side confused.

His mind had begun to wonder to what just happened. The hand that clamped the others mouth shut going back down to Patton’s side. “was that Janus?” morality muttered. “no… oh great well that’s another thing for the list.” “what list?” “our doors connected last night. We think its because of our connection between one another. Janus’s logic had been boosted slightly and it appears I have now gained his attribute of well… that. Sorry about that though.”

He rubbed his temple. This would take some getting used to. “may I ask why that may have happened?” “I’ve got a small headache and you were beginning to get a bit loud for its liking.”

Janus and Logan smiled at one another as they tried to sleep, hands holding and buzzing with energy. Today had been one of the best days in a while. And that was hard to top as of recently

It had been six months after the argument that had led to both of them being listened to. The day had been the one where they had forgiven everyone but roman and Virgil. they still had a little more to work on but were close none the less.

They shuffled closer to one another and kissed. They didn’t care about the future much at that moment. They were there holding one another. And that was all they needed.

Living so merrily

#Janus sanders #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #patton sanders #Virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus angst #logan sanders #dark logan #angst #remus being remus #im really tired #i need a nap #i need sleeeeep #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #please enjoy

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shytiff · 3 years

Text

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know).

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

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savethepinecones · 7 years

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GUYS I FINISHED MY PAPER

Just in time for my alarm to go off and everything how great

#its like 6:30 now i regret everything #im not too tired right now cuz i slept in super late yesterday #although it seems like today since i havent slept yet and i apparently divide days based on when i sleep rather than anything consistent lol #so like today is both sunday and monday simultaneously now #im gonna be so dead about halfway through the day though #its a good thing i can sleep through half my classes lol #what a great way to end spring break #pulling an all nighter to finish homework that was already late before the break #i think i actually did a pretty okay job though so im happy about that #its like two pages longer than it needed to be cuz i had way more information for my last topic than the first two #but i was trying to make the first two topics as long as possible so i wouldnt have to write a ton at the end or reorganize everything #i should maybe read through it but thats too much effort #im sure its fine #i gtg get ready for school now though ugh

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scarletcarerra-blog · 5 years

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Cars fanfiction/ What happend after cars 3

Uhhh....I got bored Oof, Plus I love cars so......Why the hell not make another fanfiction?

WARNING.....CONTAINS LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL WORDS...... ETC ACTION

Everyone was gathered up at flo´s sipping on oil. Cruz was glaring and lightning in a flirty way while lightning and sally were talking. Then Doc drove up to lightning and sally.

Doc: Hey kid, Wanna go drive more laps?

Lightning: Shouldn´t you ask cruz that?

Doc: So are you retired?

Lightning: Um, Never.

Sally: Yeah. Until you reach the age 40 you´re going to be whining to me sayin ¨Sally my axle hurts!¨

Everyone starting laughing their hoods off except lightning.

Lightning: I am not.

Sally: Yes you will.

Doc: Mhm.

Cruz: Sure Mr. Mcqueen.

Lightning: Okay, Cruz nobody even fucking asked you.

Doc: Oh go suck it lightning.

Lightning: Wow doc, I had no Idea you could speak that language.

Doc: Oh yeah, Well your old man here is a horny little bitch too.

Sally: Oh boy.

Lightning: Whats wrong my Queen?

Sally: Nothing stickers, Absolutely nothing.

1 Week later.....

Lightning, Sally and the others were on their way to Paris for the next race.

Lightning: Hey sal?

Sally: Yeah stickers?

Lightning: Did I tell you that I put a speaker in docs trailer?

Sally: Why the hell would you do that....

Lightning: So I can hear Doc and sophia jacking off

Sally slapped lightning hard on his fender

Lightning: Sal, whats the matter baby?

Sally: The last time ive seen you be this horny was when I first met you.... *She grinned*

Lightning turned the switch to hear what doc and Sophia were doing in their trailer.

Sally: Wow lightning. Wow.

Lightning started laughing his rear off.

2 Days later.

Sally decided to sleep in lightnings trailer instead of the apartment

Lightning: Sal, are you sure?

Sally: Yes stickers im sure.

Sally did not sleep a minute that night.....

Lightnings alarm went off. It was currently 6am

Lightning: Ugh, I hate mornings *He said groggily*

Lightning went over to his trailer to check on sally but all he saw was her talking to someone on the phone.

Doc and lightning went over to the track to do some laps with cruz.

Cruz: So Mr. Mcqueen.....How is it going between you and Ms. Carerra?

Lightning: Oh....Its fine

Cruz: I see why you like her so much

Doc: Okay you two, Stop getting distracted and actually race here

Lightning: Oh shut the hell up

Cruz: Also Mr. Mcqueen?

Lightning: Yeah cruz?

Cruz: I think you should have had let Sally sleep in the Apartment instead of your trailer...

Lightning: I tried to but she declined.

Doc: I have to be honest here, She hasnt been getting any sleep here lately.

Cruz: Yeah, Last week, I tried to talk to her....She almost called me a faggot

Lightning: Really? Because she hasn´t acted like that around me...

Doc: Well kids, Time to go get some food.

Cruz: Can we go to the Pizza place?

Lightning: Uh, Sure. But first I wanna talk to sally.

Cruz and doc agreed while lightning drove over to his trailer.

Lightning went into his trailer watching sally on the phone. Then she hung up.

Lightning: Hey sal, We were going to get pizza....Wanna come?

Sally: Uh, Sure.

They all went over to the restaurant.

Everyone gulped their pizza down but sally.

Lightning: Whats wrong my queen?

Sally: Nothing.

Jackson: Well she does have a attitude, maybe thats her problem.

Sally: Shut the fuck up!

Lightning: Whoah...

Cruz: Mrs. Carerra chill!

Lightning: Sal, If you don´t want pizza we can always go somewhere else?

Sally: I don´t care about the damn food! *She said furiously*

Lightning: Sally Baby chill!

Sally: No, you chill and leave me alone! *She snapped back*

Flo: Honey, Calm down, Its ight.

Sally revved her engine furiously making a scene

Jackson: I was just sayin!

Lightning: You´re fine jackson.

Cruz: Mr. Mcqueen, Maybe we should just leave or send her home so she can-

Sally: FINE! ILL LEAVE! MAYBE YOU´ll BE BETTER WITHOUT ME!

Sally stormed out of the restaurant Creating a scene

Lightning Paid the bill and drove after her.

Lightning: Sally, Wait!

Sally stormed into the trailer and shut the trailer door behind him.

Lightning opened the trailer door and drove in Angrily.

Lightning: What the hell is wrong with you! Did you really have to storm out like that?!

Sally: Yes, I did!

Lightning: Sally just....What the hell is your problem!

Sally: I DON´T HAVE A PROBLEM!

Lightning Revved his engine furiously at her. Sally started to whine but lightning couldn´t hear her over his engine.

Lightning: Im trying to help you, But you won´t let me!

Sally: Because I don´t need help!

Sally tried to exit the trailer but lightning blocked her ways. Then she started to push him out of the way but then he grabbed ahold of her axle and jerked her back.

Lightning: You´re not going anywhere until we figure this out!

Lightning was still holding onto her sore Axle putting a lot of pressure on it making it want to break.

Sally: Stickers...Please....Let go of my axle.....

Lightning: Not until you tell me what your problem is!

Doc: LIGHTNING!

Lightning let her go.

Doc: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! * He bellowed*

Lightning grabbed her axle once again and pushed her against the wall. Just then Jackson stormed into the trailer to grab lightning and threw him out.

Jackson: SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME A WOMEN BEATER!?

Lightning: I WASN´T BEATING HER YOU JACKASS!

Doc: HEY! Hey! Break it up you two!

Jackson: Oh yeah! Well atleast I wasn´t left unsupervised!

Lightning started to have flashbacks of when he was little.. Sally saw lightnings reaction when jackson said that to him.

Doc looked confused

Lightning: I wasn´t left Unsupervised!

Jackson: Uh yeah! If you haven´t forgotten! You were abbandoned by your parents because they didn´t love you!

Lightning changed the subject again....

Lightning: And since when did this have to do with sally?

Jackson: It never did Mcqueen. Not until now. Surely you were bullied when you were younger, Because others figured out you had ANGER ISSUES!

Lightning had tears form in his windshield.

Lightning: Says you!

Doc: HEY! *Doc grabbed jackson but jack hit doc and knocked him out*

Sally started to sob

Everyone was staring at lightning seeing his reaction

Jackson: You lived in a adoption center because you were never loved!

Lightning.....Never loved......Never loved....

Lightning drove away into a dark alley having for flashbacks

Sally: Lightning was never loved?

Then everyone paid attention to sally

Sally: No wonder why he acts like he does! because of you JACKSON!

Jackson: Hey....Heh....Lets not get on the wrong page here sweetheart...

Sally: I HAVENT SLEPT IN WEEKS AND NOW IM JUST NOW FIGURING OUT THAT LIGHTNING HAS PROBLEMS THAT I NEVER KNEW ABOUT!!!! * She bellowed*

Flo: Honey, Calm down.

Sally: THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Sally Hit jackson so hard he had a dent But it did not knock him out. Just then sally stormed out to find lightning. Then she found him in a dark alley.

Sally: Stickers?

Lightning: Sal, I don't wanna talk about it. If you don't want to be my girlfriend, then don't because I understand.

Sally: No stickers, I want to be. Please don't be mad at me?

Lightning: Lets just go get some sleep and forget this happend?

Sally: Sure. *She grinned trying to lighten up his mood.

Lightning woke up in a horrible mood feeling aches in his body.

Sally woke up feeling miserable.

Lightning Went over to his trailer watching sally as she made her way out of the trailer.

Lightning hasn't seen sally look so miserable in his life, He felt bad for her.

Sally had oilshot (Bloodshot) Eyes and she was very droopy with her eyelids halfway closed.

Lightning drove over to her

Lightning: Are you okay My Queen?

Sally: Oh stickers Ive never felt so horrible in my life *She started to have a emotional meltdown*

Sally drove over crying into his door

Lightning: Shh... Get it all out.

Meanwhile.....

Doc and Sophia were having trailer sex.

Sophia: Oh doc, Ive never felt so good in my life!

Doc: Mhm.....

4 Hours later...

Everyone was sitting at Taco Bell

Lightning was gulping down his food as usual, Cruz eating normally along with the others, Jackson fondling with his dick, And sally was staring at her food.

Flo: Sally, Honey?

Sally: Mmmmm

Lightning Glared at Sally

Lightning: Uh sal...Are you going to-

Sally closed her eyes and drifted off.

Mater Used his Airhorn and got everyones attention And sallys eyes opened so quickly it was like a flash of lightning.

Then the song *Meet me halfway by the Black Eyed Peas started playing*

Sally started drifting off again and lightning moved next no her holding her up.

Lightning: Guys, We need to help her

Cruz: Ugh. Well no Shit Sherlock

Jackson Chuckled

Lightning held her tire driving out of the restaurant with the others until she dropped to her rims.

Lightning: Sal!

Doc: Hey, C''mon kid, wake up.

Sally: Doc......Mmmm....It hurts.....

Doc and lightning: Whats hurts!

Doc Felt her stomach as if it were to be twisting.

Doc: When is the last time anyone has seen her eat?

Cruz: Last time ive seen her eat something was like 4 days ago....

Flo: Yeah.

Lightning got worried

Lightning: Sal, Why havent you been eating?

Sally: I have tank poisoning and Insomnia Okay?

Doc: Now you tell us?

Sally started to cry like she were to be having another meltdown.

Lightning pulled up beside her Nuzzling her fender.

Sally: Its not what hurts though....

Doc looked in confusion.

Then doc twisted all of her axles besides her front left

Sally Shreiked in pain as doc twisted it.

Doc: Sorry!

Sally: Just....stop....*She said Sobbing*

Doc: Seems you have a broken axle. Probably from where Mcqueen grabbed you yesterday. *Doc glared at lightning furiously*

Lightning: Im sorry Pinstripe.

A few hours later.....

Sally: Stickers...I love you

Lightning: Sal, If you don't mind, Maybe I can sleep with you for tonight?

Sally: Sure * They both grinned*

Lightning: G'night My queen.

Sally: G'night my king.

1:02 in the morning

Sally started screaming No....No...No!!!

Lightning: Sally!

Sally: Huh?

Sally was breathing rapidly

Lightning: You started screaming no....

Sally had tears form in her eyes and lightning saw it

Lightning: Sally, You don't have Insomnia, You're still having this dream of my wreck....Aren't you?

Sally shook her hood Nodding.

Lightning: Well its okay, Because Im right here. Okay?

Sally Nuzzled him.

Lightning got in front of her checking her Axle

Lightning: Alright. You should be good for now, Just get some rest...Okay?

Sally: Alright stickers.

12:30AM

Everyone was in a good mood except for lightning. He was in the horniest mood ever and so was doc. Storm was in a playful mood, But not as much and lightning and doc.

Cruz, Storm, Lightning, Sally, Doc, And Sophia were in the livingroom playing truth or dare *Dirty version*

Doc: Okay, Mcqueen Ill start with you. Truth or dare?

Lightning: Mmmm. Dare.

Sally: Ooh.

Doc: Okay. I dare you too.....Have a make-out session with sally right now in front of us.

Sally: Oh for the love of Chrysler.

Lightning drove in front of sally making eye- contact.

Sally: Okay stickers, First Of all I-

Lightning was locked in a deep kiss with sally then it turned into a Make-out session.

Cruz: Wow Mr. Mcqueen

Lightning: Impressed?

Cruz: Actually Im jealous.

Everyone started Laughing

Lightning: Okay doc. Now your turn, Hehe.

Doc: Oh you devilish little Bastard. I choose dare.

Lightning: Mmm. I dare you too...Uh...Call Jackson a Slut.

Jackson: WHAT?

Lightning was laughing so hard he was crying

Doc: Jackson you are a slut. There!

Doc: Okay cruz, Your turn but this time we can't choose. Only the person who is telling you can.

Lightning: Oh boy.

Cruz: Okay, Mr. Mcqueen. Im giving you a dare

Lightning: Why me?

Sally Started to chuckle along with the others.

Cruz: I dare you to Uh.....Kiss Ms. Carerras Tattoo.

Lightning: Oh thats easy.

Lightning went behind her and Kissed her Tattoo several times.

Jackson: Okay. My turn. Now I choose sally.

Sally: Oh wow. What a suprise.

Jackson: Sally I dare you to have sex with lightning

Sallys windshield Flashed over and so did lightnings

Sally: Uhm....

Cruz: I have an idea. Why don't we all just have sex right here right now.

Lightning: Im cool with it. Sally?

Sally: Oh why the hell not.

Lightning mounted sally. And the other did the same.

Doc and sophia were doing the same pose as Jackson and Mcqueen.

Lightning: OOOH......

Sally: Oh god lightning! Harder!

Meanwhile.....

Cal and bobby drove in.

Cal: Hey mcqueen I wondering if-

Bobby and cal were in complet shock watching 3 males Jack off with their Girls.... Chapter 2-

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missjackil · 5 years

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My Diary to the SPN Finale

Day 4.

I overslept my alarm and was almost late for work. Normally. I have a terrible time staying asleep. Most of you who message me know Im up at 4am sometimes. My life is very stressful so its very hard to sleep, so when I wake up at 4am I always put the boys on, watch one or 2 episodes and go back to sleep/ Last night and the night before however, I slept straight through and past my alarm. “This is great!” one may think, but I spent all day exhausted anyway. What I think is happening, is that even though my body is too tense to rest, it knows to spend an hour or 2 with the boy's won't help.

I went to work, forgot what I was doing a bunch of times, and forgot how to do some things I've done a bunch of times. I have to make up excuses, I can't say “My fav show is ending and I'm devastated” or people will think I'm nuts.

At work, all I want to do is come home. But at home, my kids are breaking my heart, my pets are making me insane, and my house is falling apart, and my “security blanket” now feels like jagged sandpaper on my heart.

I'm not a drug user, nor much of a drinker (socially at best) but how stupid is it, that now I want to do both? Im actually jealous now of those who can drink or pop enough pills to be numb. My vice is smoking. Yesterday I lit a smoke when I left work and a customer said “That shit will kill you” and I answered “I sure hope so” Im going to give you all a little background history of me, Its ok if you stop reading now, but follow along if you dare😳

Im 52 and have had clinical depression my entire life. At the very least since I was 4. I dont know how it started but its been there as long as I can remember. needless to say my childhood sucked. Anything that could go wrong did. Im terminally single, unattractive, and perpetually poor even though Ive gone to college twice and have 3 degrees. Ive had 4 failed suicide attempts, my first was when I was 12 and ate 30 +\- asprin which only gave me bleeding ulcers and liver damage and 2 years of therapy that was worthless.

In Jan 2014, my life changed. I came into a good sized inheritance from an uncle who was a retired Army Sgt (mujch more about that I dont know other than he fought in Korea) and was left $50,000. (as were each of my sisters) I didnt go nuts and spend this right away, my daughter, father, and I were living in a decent apartment and was saving it for a down payment on a house. My sisters all used their money to pay off their mortgages and other bills. I was looking for a nice house to buy, but even with $50K I wasnt sure I could handle the property taxes and utilities that had been previously covered by my landlord. My father decided that stairs were no longer something he could handle, so he moved in with my younger sister, so decided that I would just pay a lot of up front rent on our apt and stay there a few more years, but no, the landlord informed us they were selling in 3 months and there was no guarentee the buyer would want to rent out our unit.

Then my car died, which was what was getting my daughter and I back and forth to work. Now I have to dip into the money and get a car. I got a $7000 used car that we shared and as soon as the warrenty was up, everything failed. After spending $2000 for repairs and it was still falling apart, I get another one... cheaper this time, but hey, it runs.

Time goes by, we have 30 days to move out, as predicted, the buyer didnt want to rent our unit out, he wanted to move his mother in. So now Im scrambling to find something to move into in 30 days I find a trailer that seemed like it would be a good fit for just me and my dauhter, lots of room, 2 bathroom a nice yard. Im just about to buy said trailer and the park informs me its been sold because a buyer offered cash. Im like “Ummm I have cash too!” and theyre like “oh.... we were unaware.... but hey we have another one for you” and this one is much smaller, but a newer model so it wont need as much work. With 2 weeks left to move, I reluctantly take it. Now, we move, but with no one and I mean absolutely NO ONE to help us, we left 90% of our belongings in our old apartment because we cant lift shit and neither of us could rent a truck, we only brought what we could carry out. and I had to spend the rest of the money on furnature. Of course I lost my security deposit and also had to pay an additional $2000 for “clean up” of my old apt.

Fast forward to March 1 2015, Im back to broke but still working my ass off. My dryer is broke, my AC and heater, the back door has been leaking quietly for so long you cant step within 2 feet from it or youll go through the floor. Theres a crack in my bathtub that has leaked under the house and is causing my back yard to slowly sink. My daughter works and together we can afford the lot ren, utilities and food. Nothing extra though. We were saving to start fixing things but trying to decided what was most important, and what was most costly. The dryer is cheapest, the leaky tub and sinkling yard is the most expensive but HAS to be done at some poijnt. I buy space heaters and wall unit ACs but that gives me $300 electric bills LOLOL. However I am introduced to SPN and these wonderful boys that I love instantly, and gives me an escape. Helps keep me sane.

We get things almost together, then suddenly, my father died from the flu Feb 1st 2018. This day was the worst day of my life, it was also the night Various and Sundary Villians aired and after all the tears with my sisters and trying to get arrange,ents made, ALL I could think of was coming home and just escaping into my boys for a while. And I did, and it was a blessing. However, within a couple months, my younger sister and I are hit with my dads bills. Hospital bills, credit cards, car payments on a H3 Hummer he bought a few months before. My older sisters didnt get hit with this because they’re his step children, just my younger sister and I do. $30,000 of debt split between my younger sister and I. I havent been able to pay on any of it because they dont give me any option for low payments. Its like “$1500 by whatevermonth 30th or we take you to court” My sister is handling it ok because her husband makes $$$ but not enough to help me too. So, right now Im just keeping my house heated and my kid and I fed and my lot rent paid. Soon my wages will be garnished and I wont have that either and it will be all on my daughter. Now, my escape, the last thing in my whole world I enjoy is ending. So yes.... Im hurting.

#SPN Finale #my diary #day 4

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