#its so irrational but i hate it

[mechagic]

Kabru holding hands with both laios and mithrun, while mithrun is holding hands with senshi who is also holding hands with chilchuck

peace and love on planet earth

#rambling #Dunmeshi #Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #labru #kabrumisu #mithrun x senshi #chilshi #Btw I dont ship chillaios thats why its not here #Like no hate to those that do it just fills me with an irrational sense of anger for no reason so i avoid it

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle

"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"

"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS

#sorry i have absolutely no beef with anyone this is just funny #its just an opinion and i have nothing against people with a different opinion than me #its just funny how they think IM irrational when this is legitimately their thought process #and they come directly onto MY page and cry about people having diff opinions #like girl u do NOT see me doing that shit thats so embarrassing stop #im not even a kusuke hater like thats my man #but even if i was- i dont get why that bothers people so much like y r u so scared of different opinions #i sometimes talk about teru or saiki haters i dont like but that isnt defined by 'literally anyone who doesnt like them' #idgaf if people hate my fav characters- i just hate the WAY certain people hate them that shows they didnt understand the show #YOUR definition of 'evil kusuke haters who must be purged from this fandom' is literally anyone who has an opinion on him- #-that isnt sunshine and rainbows and kusuke is the most morally right and sympathetic character and nobody else deserves him !1!1! ur crazy #oh this isn't targeted at any specific person btw im just being dramatic #i havent acknowledged this at all in months idk what compelled me to do so now #the single anon that barely even said anything just made me think back to this #nobody gets him like i do i swear i swear #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuke #meows post

[skitskatdacat63]

I wish I didn't feel horrific levels of insecurity/inferiority/jealousy/fomo/ego/etc etc about literally everything 24/7. I don't think I let it affect how I interact with people, but it's just this sickeningly insufferable feeling in my chest

#like hey. can you please be normal about things for like one minute please? #i hate irrational feelings. i dont truly believe in them but its just this weight on my chest #even things i enjoy. my brain ruins them :] #its just these feelings i cant control and they fucking bastardize everything its so annoying #i cant like something without this tickling in the back of my brain pointing out some insecurity and inferiority abt jt #as i said i dont let it affect how i treat and interact w people #BUT WHY MUST I FEEL THESE WEIRD COMPULSIVE THOUGHTS #as i said it just ruins everything for me. why so negative brain? are you okay :/ #ugh sry im being shitty today. feeling very all over the place w my emotions #these feelings come up unbidden and i start hating myself #like why do you have to be this way. can you be normal #catie.rambling.txt

[ladyimaginarium]

i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))

#arcana.vents #& its like. kinda irrational bc we're just friends & just vibing & we're not even together but like. i cant help it so fuck me ig lmao #like obvi he can have friends & shit & w/e so im not gonna like. tell him anything bc i dont wanna like push him away or push anything yk?? #& he said he missed me & everything but like. damn. why arent you talking to me like that. i wish you would talk to me like that. #i miss you too & i wish you would tell me you loved me more :< #im just like bitch chill he aint even your man. but he's sweet & good to me & he's deadass one of the funniest ppl ever. #& we have literally so much in common & he said i was a miracle & resilient since birth & that sb should make a documentary about me ehehe. #& we're both autistic poc4poc & have a lotta solidarity between our communities & he makes me blush & giggle & i love his curls & his smile #& the color of his skin's so pretty & he said that it'd be neat if we just. played videogames in a pillowfort #& he makes spongebob refs & he likes anime & horror & buffy & ethel cain nicole dollanganger & lana del rey & he got a nasty ass vocabulary #& he said it'd be cool if we explored abandoned places together & go to concerts together & he has the cutest name ive deadass ever heard #when nicole said ''when i see you i cant find the words to speak my cheeks go as red as two big cherries'' & ''you're so cool''... YEAH. #im gonna start fuckin chewing on the fuckin walls dude. im GNAWING at the bars of my cage. i need him to firmly grasp it. #i wanna feed him the world's sweetest strawberry!!!! #we have lost the entire fucking plot besties lmfaoooo #& i rarely if ever feel like this for cis dudes & my mind is blaring sirens like he gonna leave me im just. getting war flashbacks to. yeah #the red sirens be blaring like HE'S GONNA ABANDON ME!!!!! its so irritating #ill be goddamned if i EVER feel replaced to that degree ever again. id actually rather get hit by a car & throw myself into the sea lmao #UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BPD SPLITTING I HATE YOU #this was from a few hours ago but i forgot to post it so lmao

[pinkwhalepjs]

Rage and Ruidus

More than any other campaign, Bell’s Hells is creating a story deeply rooted in their characters emotional impulses, flaws, and failings. As Orym implores them to understand in the episode’s climax, they are all powder kegs ready to explode and they need each other desperately in order to survive and in order to save their world, which, like them, in on the verge of imminent destruction caused by problems left too long unaddressed and festering in secrecy. After all, the red storms of Ruidus are themselves described as “angry” and “raging”.

The group boils over early in the episode as Fearne’s repressed anger at her parents for abandoning her basically due to their own carelessness (and their lack of reaction leaving her rage impotent) burns into the rest of the party as they see their own pasts mirrored. Imogen whose parents abandoned her for nearly identical reasons, their own obsession with or hatred of Ruidus, obviously brims with her own mirrored rage but it also spreads to FCG who was left by his only known family and even Ashton who too has a history of being left behind.

The rest of the episode can practically all be encapsulated by the wild and sudden rage of Ashton. The party is caught by surprise at his irrationally destructive behavior, destroying an important item the party needed on a whim. FCG senses Ashton’s own fury with no direction in an echo of Fearne’s, tells him not every problem can be solved with a hammer which only served to upset him more and inspires him to destroy Ira’s room. The last thing they want is to be reminded of their own powerlessness.

Before we even get to the end of the episode, a moment of extreme rage bubbles out from Imogen, Fearne, and Ashton as they escalate to the point of screaming “Let’s kill our parents!”. This is laughed off as a ridiculous moment but in truth is one of the only real glimpses of these characters depth of anger on this day. FCG is also a member of this patricidal exchange which creates quite the case of situational irony as it becomes increasingly clear that FCG did in fact attempt to kill his creator/family when his anger boiled over years ago.

The final scene can be understood as the culminating expression of the rage FCG, Fearne, and Laudna have all been continuously suppressing. Fearne finally gets the chance to scream and burn as someone finally says what she fears, that her parents simply didn’t care enough to keep her, to know who they gave her to, or even come looking (and worse that this implies some flaw within herself to make her not worth keeping). Laudna explodes as Delilah pushes fear and dread onto her and she hears her own worst fears, that she was “never alive” to begin with. She and FCG feel a echoed fear, that they are something less than the others around them, an empty shell that can never be filled. Laudna and FCG both come out of this fight seeing themselves as monsters, something others in the group might be better off without.

Ashton’s rage turns to a kind of fear as FCG turns on the group and the group turns on him. Ashton earlier than day showed that in a fit of rage he would destroy what others cherished and act with violent impulse and he keeps coming back to them same idea. Will he be abandoned if he steps too far one day? He too will strike out when pushed to the edge and hurt others on a bad impulse. Ashton begs Fearne to heal FCG to give him another chance. He doesn’t know her rage is more about her own family than FCG himself and is steeped in terror that family and friendship is conditional, something that can be lost based on ones actions.

Like the moon, terrible red storms of rage, fear, and self hatred are brewing in the majority of party members and they must not only uncover what terrible secrets are being held by Ruidus but they must face themselves and learn to truly rely on each other in order to survive what is coming.

#its actually literally been years since i felt this way but i was so possessed by CR i could not do anything except write an essay about it #i anticipate this will be my favorite campaign #it is so emotionally driven which is exactly what i love #i LOVE irrational self destructive character choices #i was obsessed with whatever the fuck ashton was on this episode #this episode was brimming with fury and no place for people to express it which is simply my favorite #with this and fey and flowers i am living my best life #i hope they do a really bad job trying to save the world and they are led astray by their own personal conflicts #i hope cr chat hates it and screams that they are not following the plot hooks #anyway im about to rewatch this episode endlessly for the next week #critical role #cr3 #critical role spoilers #imogen temult #laudna #ashton #fresh cut grass #fcg #fearne calloway

[xomoosexo]

i have so many demons when I see post q smp tub bo fan blogs pop up and reblog my old posts YOU NEVER LIKED HIM BEFORENSNSNSN !!!!!

#i know its irrational and i dont even watch him anymore but idk how to explain it #like when i made my blog it was literally just me and like two other people blogging about him #and he was getting so much fucking hate from the same kinds of people who loooove him on q smp now #augh #i know he has a broader audience eha exposed to now and thats why #but aughhh #negative

[ultramarine-spirit]

Do you have any lp athy headcanons?

Hmmm not really? LP is genuinely such a depressing setting where every single character is at their worst (except LP! Lucas, he is hilarious, but also kind of an asshole), so I can't think of many fun headcanons regarding that. In the manhwa, LP is a lot more mysterious and nebulous, but in the novel we get a full, undisguised look at how that world was like... and it's just awful? And it's meant to be that way, the way in which those scenes are written is very purposefully trying to elicit discomfort in the reader.

About LP! Athy, she is really just our Athy but in a world where either people are actively trying to hurt her, or turn a blind eye to it in favor of their own interests. So she is gloomy and devoid of any agency she could have. And then she is killed. And that's it.

But to not give you such a boring answer, here are a couple of thoughts about LP! Athy (mostly canon compliant because yeah, I don't like to stray from canon too much):

This is stated in the text already, but LP! Athy is exactly as capable, beautiful and smart as wmmap! Athy. She is not a natural born genius, but a person that worked tirelessly to better herself and be deserving of her position.

Perhaps she is more of a bookworm than wmmap! Athy.

When she was around 7 years old, Athy got terribly ill. Lily tried to heal her to the best of her ability, but in the Ruby Palace, with no budget or staff willing to help, and the emperor not taking any interest in the matter... It was hopeless. Until one morning, the illness went away. The burning inside her chest and the unbearable pressure on her heart, strangely gone. They never found the reason why.

LP! Athy does not have a sweet tooth, as she could never afford those kinds of luxuries in the first place.

Related to that, food usually doesn't taste much like anything to her.

Before Athy's execution, it was Lily who died first.

#i also lowkey dont enjoy headcanons that much? like if they are funny or small then sure. they are fun #like... headcanons about a character's favorite food or an irrational thing they hate. sure that's fun to think about #but some people in fandom take headcanons as some sacrosanct thing that more often than not is so disconnected from canon that- #the characters become completely different. unrelated people. just OCs #anyways that's more my opinion on headcanons in general not a jab at you anon #just my reasoning for not having many headcanons. specially about LP #its also part of a big huh phenomenon i've seen where people believe they know a story better than its own author which is kinda obnoxious #anyone into mxtx's novels knows what im talking about lmao.... #wmmap

[guinevereslancelot]

i know i'm irrational btw it's the vitamin d deficiency 😊❤️

#i need to get a grip i know #also i cant remember the post with the rules for if you hate everyone eat and if you feel like everyone hates you #like whats the rule if you feel like everyone hates you #i cant go to sleep its the middle of the day and i also just showered so literally what is the cure #its nice that my friends know they can come to me for support and help when they need it #and its a coincidence they forget to invite me to things #i know i know i know #and im being irrational #and my friend living w me for free and avoiding me is probably just embarrassed shes in this situation and trying to be unobtrusive #but 😭😭😭 #im under so much stress already and i cant talk abt it #and i think honestly i just need a vitamin d supplement i think that would fix me #bc i was in a funk before all this #i opened up to one friend abt some things this morning but honestly i just feel worse <3

[monpalace]

Thoughts???

We switching it up and going with warriors 😌😌

Ive been wanting to do a headcanon list thing on this BUT ILL JUST SHARE IT HERE SO IT MAY BE OUT IN THE AETHER!

Warriors with a magical Seamstress s/o! We all know that magical outfits/colthes GOTTA come from somewhere, and most of the time its from magical items/items with special properties that are fused with the clothing.

But! What happens when one is able to fuse magic to the fabric itself? Everything row of cotton imbedded with arcane properties? It can turn a simple clothe into armour that reveals the durability of a full set of plated armour.

You, being one of the first to prefect this technique, have been assigned the duty to work alongside the army to help protect their soldiers! You spend day in and day out magically sewing and stitching their ragged clothes together. Even though the work itself was tiring, you couldn’t help yourself when adding some…flare to their less than appealing tunics. (Now, you didn’t bury them in glitter or make it impractical just….well….they didn’t look like potato sacks any more!)

During your time with the army, you quickly made your way through each battalion, leaving each better and safer than before.

But one captain did catch your attention. One that worry a darling blue scarf and a eye catching green tunic with a matching hat! Link, the hero of courage, was a bit skeptical of you at first but quickly warmed up once he heard stories of how your magic saved dozens of his brothers in arms.

(I HAVE MORE I PROMISE IM JUST EEPY 😭😭)

this is a sign i need to continue my journey of 100% both 2014 and 2020 hw

anyways very scattered thoughts because i just woke up 😋

of course he had heard of the alleged seamstress who created and curated each of the soldiers uniforms with their own two hands. he had always heard his brothers sing their praises when it'd saved them from a close call with a aerolfos, how it had helped them with chronic pains from various reasons, and how it even helped their stamina, agility, etc, etc.

when he received his iconic tunic, cap, and scarf from the princess and pulled the master sword from its pedestal, he figured that would be it for any changes to his outfit, gear, and whatever else zelda and impa thought best he have for any battle.

it was not.

upon finding that his legendary tunic had been snagged during a fight (he didn't even know which one), he was suggested to give the seamstress a visit. he was told it wouldn't even be a ten minute visit, but he pushes the thought to the side because didn't want to add onto the pile of thousands of other uniforms they have to make and fix.

it gets to a point that impa has to step in because of reasons unknown to him (he suspects it's because she thinks "sloppy clothes leads to sloppy fighting," or something) and finally complies.

upon arriving at the seamstress' quarters (which was further from the main/major areas of the castle than you would think), he's met with fabric insanity.

on one end of the room, it's scraps and unfinished outfits, some with designs and words painted on link can't understand; the other looks like some sort of chamber with dummies paired with blast marks surrounding the area to go with them.

he's not comforted.

there was no one immediately visible in the room and he doesn't know if he wants to investigate further or just leave as everything as it is (he didn't want to risk one of the many mountains of fabric toppling over and crushing him).

he only gets the courage to take another few steps into the room when he hears speaking deeper inside.

nothing said was in his dictionary. was it the language of the words on the clothes?

you don't jump when his head peers around a corner— you must be used to people showing up out of nowhere— and continue to speak in the foreign language, hands still painting on the fabric.

he waits until you finish to take his tunic from where it was tucked in his pants, hands already moving to find the hole so he can push his finger through as proof.

you'd be stupid to not recognize the tunic in his hand.

the glint in your eyes is not something link wants to see (he had seen enough of those in cia and volga, though contrasting greatly in reason and effect), but he knows you're supposed to help him so he looks past it.

just this once (and not for the rest of their future, he swears).

#OH MY GOD WAIT NO #THIS IDEA LITERALLY REMINDS OF THE IRRATIONAL OBELISK FROM FUNGER?? #i miss her </3 #i need an actual literal normal zelda game with 2014 hw #i love it so much and the designs for literally everything were to good to just be in that style of game #and for aoc to literally overshadow it?? i hope whoever added the hyrule warriors name to it gets banned to the shadow realm #all it literally did was push everything botw trilogy to the front lines and i hate that #im sorry i just have really strong feelings regarding 2014 hw #admittedly wars is def in my top 3 links (he's 2) and i love him so much #i could literally talk about the little oc-ship storyline i came up with for him and my oc for hours bc it was that much #but despite my love for hw i havent read the story in 9yrs so 😁 #ITS ALMOST BEEN A FUCKING DECADE SINCE IT DROPPED? #the palace answers #stargazing in the palace

[craycraybluejay]

If I wanted to, I could, and worse, you would let me

#and my delusions and aches need healing #and i need you #to love me enough for me not to want to force my love on you #and my rational mind wherever it is knows you do it knows it does #it knows #but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof #it wants to force to feed to get inside and look around #nothings ever enough for me i want inside #soft and warm like the womb #you know it #the sick me wants you to somehow prove everything ever #proof of love. proof that im not the only monster. proof of protection of care of empathy of trust of acceptance #its never enough but to be fair you and i both know who made me this way #of course there were many but there are catalysts and then there are nothing-people #prove it to me #i look at you and i feel like youre slipping away someone else has their guts on you someone else has convinced you they are worth your tim #but theyre pathetic and not poetic about it. weak and spineless. they USE YOU to make themselves look strong they USE YOU to talk shit at t #they are useless so they use you like me. and i know i cannot rush it cannot learn your lessons for you #i can't convince you of whats dangrous or cruel until you live it until it breaks your golden heart #but i wish i could protect you from all that somehow #and too i wish a million years would pass and you were as dark as me and as kind as you #its selfish but i hate to see you truly hurt i hate it. it makes me so violently angry. my brain turns off i cant help it #you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth #i dont care if its alive if its helpless if it doesnt know better i dont care if it didnt mean to all i want to do is prove to you show you #keep you safe and cared for #its irrational. i'd put away honour and hurt someone weaker than me if it made you happy if it made you feel safe #i wish i could eliminate the real threat but i cant im trying #you make me crazy and you make me feel normal and simple and human. i know everything about you-- i want to know more #my irrational brain doesn't even register accepted right and wrong only what it considers significant and important. my rational brain read #it like a million page rulebook. be normal be good don't hurt anyone don't get dead don't act before you think

[luigismansion64]

not an anxiety not a delusion but a secret third thing

#dectalk speaking #aka i keep feeling like everyone hates my guts #that they hate me so fucking bad and it just feels like the truth #and no matter how much someone else or myself try to convince its irrational it just still feels like the truth #i fucking know they hate me.

[lorillee]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO interesting because like in this entire conversation. this is the only thing miles says about manfred. like not even a subjective opinion its just. a statement. this relationship is SO FASCINATING ITS SO INTERESTINGGGGGGGGGGG

#lorillee liveblogs aa investigations 2: electric boogaloo #the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera #like im aware that the fanon likes to make him be like #''ooooooh manfred SUCKS i HATE him he was ABUSIVE AND HORRIBLE AND etc etc etc'' #but like. canonically miles has an incredible load of Very Conflicting And Complicated Feelings that he is trying very hard not to look at #and i think thats so much more fascinating. because like. manfred was his dad. like he was. even if he was a terrible person. #he was still his dad and miles looked up to him SO much he wanted his approval SO badly. #and then it turns out OOPS manfred killed gregory and also tries to frame miles for murder #for . frankly no real reason #because hes manfred von karma and anything to do with dl-6 just makes him make completely irrational and insane decisions #and like. miles ......... doesnt really get any closure. really. like he just has to accept all of this #and hes an incredibly emotionally stunted person anyways so its very much #''im going to bottle up all my feelings here and then one day ill die'' #and AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH THIS IS SO INTERESTINGGGGG

[swiftfootedachilles]

this shit makes my paranoia go thru the roof. i KNOW theres a secret callout or discord channel or group chat where people are saying things about me where i cant defend myself. theres no way its a coincidence that ive been blocked by like 20 popular users in the fandom. they have to be communicating with each other and screenshotting every single one of my posts and making fun of me theyre talking about me right now theyregoing thru my blog archive ans digging all my personal information up

#just an unfriendly reminder that i have psychosis and this has confirmed happened to me before #so as irrational this isnfor you to believe. for me it makes perfect sense #and it's no longer ablut fandom its about people hating me and me being unable to know what theyre saying about me #its about the fact that this shit has HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE AND I CAN FEEL THIS IS THE SAME

[andromeda3116]

look, there are definitely aspects of adhd that are useful, or at least fun (tell me that getting into a hyperfocus groove - no matter how ultimately rough the "waking up from it and realizing that seven hours have passed and it's 3AM" part may be - isn't enjoyable at the time), but most of it just sucks and listen

the "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" part might be the worst

#it's definitely the most embarrassing #like i cannot take it when people don't like me and say bad things to me and so i structure most of my personality to arrange things #so people don't hurt me #and when they do hurt me i react like a kicked puppy and that just makes everything worse #i mean. jesus. i want to tell myself ''act like a fucking adult and take the fucking hit'' but my body reacts on its own #it's like it skips my conscious brain and screeches right into panic no matter how hard i mentally try to calm it #like i'm not actually irrational! my higher-level thinking is being *very* rational! it's the stuff underneath that's freaking tf out! #i know the ''it's not me it's my shit brain'' thing is a weak excuse but like. i am actively TRYING not to react this way #i am actively TRYING to calm that part of me and measure my reactions #but the body-level panic and the deep-rooted irrational childish sense of ''they all hate me now they think i'm crazy'' #grips me by the throat #it's beneath my conscious thought and refuses to be constrained by it #i am not actually thinking - in so many words - ''they all hate me now'' #my gut is just feeling it and tying itself into knots around my nerves and i am trying to calm it down but nothing seems to work #...*sigh* #add this post and these tags to the list of ''things to discuss with my therapist''

[this-is-an-open-letter]

+

#I am going to rage in my tags bc of what Tessa said about her being afriad of going to Jail bc of what ppl said about her online #and I just...I am so mad bc as a fandom we collectively did this - we watched others do it- we argued and/or agreed with it - #and we let a lot of awful ppl get away with saying absolutely awful and untrue things #and it makes me fucking mad that she saw it and she feared it #and then this fandom did it some more and more and more and did it to Scott and continued #and its just disgusting and disappointing #and yes her fear is wild and irrational in some respects but that is what true Fear is #and the fact that this fandom perpetuated so much of it is just awful #I hate even giving anyone in this fandom the acknowledgment of power but it exists bc they both witnessed it #and you can all start and stop w/your bs takes about it being what they signed up for as public figures - this goes beyond that #as a fandom ppl lied through their teeth about VM in the most disgusting and untruthful damaging ways and they saw that #and theres no consequence for it bc they are who we need them to be when we need them - pawns #awful #im mad about it #the podcast was great and tessa is doing great and scott is doing great and they go on double dates and i love that for them all #but shame so much shame

[girlwithfish]

should someone apologize over a joke that u took offense to

#going insane #ppl telling me either way not to trust my own judgment or beliefs or opinions or stance on my own mental state it is so frustrating #either way im fucked bc it feels like no one is ever on my side and my words never matter. like tbe things i say #dont matter to a lot of ppl its always tossed to the side #and then its my fault bc i dont have the personality or will to fight to be heard or idk wouldnt it be nice if ppl just #took u seriously and respected u #and either way im fucked im too sensitive too emotional irrational delusional etc #hate it so much #like i wish i wasnt mentally unwell at all then ppl wld take u serious maybe. maybe my feelings wouldnt always be labeled as overreaction #idk #👍