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#its public but just know. its not finished
hrhmimieucliffe · 2 days
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NSFW Alphabet with Doctor Zayne - ❄️
Minors DNI (Obviously)
Wanted to do this because I've never done an NSFW Alphabet before. Hope my fellow Zayne stans see my vision and agree with me though.
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after the act) - Very affectionate and attentive. He would clean you up, help you relax, maybe even give you a massage if he went too hard. 🤫
B = Body part (favourite body part their own or their lovers) - He couldn't just choose one spot. He loves to kiss the palms of your hands when you touch and grab at his face whilst he's thrusting into you slowly and deeply. He loves to place gentle and loving kisses on your neck. He loves to run his hands all over your body, specifically your torso, grabbing fistfuls of your breast gently.
C = Cum (anything that has to do with it) - He doesn't really like the mess, so he'll be sure to clean it up as soon as possible. He'll also advise you to use the toilet, as that's what you're supposed to do after sex, then maybe you can have a shower... maybe he'd join you.
D = Dirty secret (Pretty self-explanatory) - He may act indifferent, but he secretly loves watching you walk and strut around in lingerie when you're in the bedroom. He slowly strips it off you with care, as he doesn't want to ruin it of course. He loves to see you in it, and treats it with care. His favourite part is definitely slowly taking it off you and revealing every inch of your perfect body. He definitely also loves it when you tease him in different ways.
E = Experience (do they know what they’re doing) - Come on now...🧍🏾‍♀️Though it isn't his area of expertise, I'd say as a Doctor in general, he might know a thing or two about stimulation. Even if he isn't experienced. 🤫
F = Favorite position - (Idk many positions so I'll just go by something I do know though I don't know the name of it 😭) I think Zayne would like an intimate position, such as a spooning position. I think him having you safe and secure in his arms, in a position where he can watch your facial expressions change, as seeing your different pleasured expressions gets him off. He likes to be close to you.
G = Getting Off (What gets them off?) - I think Zayne is the kind of man that could sit down and watch you intently as you give him a little show. A lapdance, a strip tease, anything like that. But even moreso, I think he would love it when you possibly take charge every once in a while. He secretly likes it when you make him ask nicely for you to let him finish🤫
H = Hair (grooming habits) - He is definitely well-groomed, no doubt about it.
I = Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty) - Definitely romantic. He likes to make love. Slow, sensual, passionate, intimate, and gentle. He is a gentle dom in my opinion, but he doesn't mind you being on top every once in a while. He could indulge in something rougher if you ask, but I don't really think he'd put his all into it - afraid of hurting you of course.
J = Jack off (do they masturbate and how often) - I think he wouldn't do it often, as he's way too busy with work. But perhaps on a day off he'll get pent up and decide to rub one out. I'm sure he'd be thinking of you when he does 🤫
K = Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual) - I don't think he has many kinks to be honest. Perhaps brat tamer, or primal (hunter). No daddy or master kink over here 🤫 Maybe he secretly likes to see you all tied up for him, though as long as its not hurting too much. I think perhaps he could have a size difference kink. After all, he'd love watching and witnessing how well you take him every time. Definitely a gentle dom.
L = Location (where they like to get it on) - He definitely would prefer if its not in public. He likes to be somewhere private where its just the two of you. Where no one can disturb you. Your body is his temple and he wants to be the only one to see it. It goes both ways, though.
M = Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons) - When you push him onto the bed and straddle him, 100%. When you visit him whilst he's working just to tease him and he has to resist the urge to give in. When you "accidentally" drop something and bend over. When you grind into him as you sit on top of him. When you slowly slide and drag your hands under his clothes, caressing that sculpted body of his, circling his nipple with your finger. It drives him insane. When you wear his favourite outfit just to rile him up.
N = No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do) - Hair pulling (at least too hard), Spanking (Again, not too hard if he DOES do it), anything too kinky in general or like proper BDSM.
O = Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are) - He definitely loves to receive. He loves to sit back and watch you as you take him into your throat. He'll let out small soft grunts and groans every now and then, but he'd obviously be holding back. Maybe he'll whisper a few praises and stroke your hair. But, he also thinks it's better to give than recieve. Watching your face contort in pleasure, gripping at the sheets, arching your back, your body trembling, those adorable moans, the way you whisper his name. He'd be making sure your needs come before his. You're his favourite patient, and a good Doctor takes GOOD care of his patients needs before his own. 🤫
P = Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed) - Definitely nice and slow, but he'd pick up the pace the faster he gets to bursting and maybe be a little rough if you asked him to be.
Q = Quickie - I think quickies would be beneficial depending on when. Like you could tease him in the morning before he has to go work and he'd have no choice but to give in and take care of you when you beg him to and give him those big doe eyes. Maybe if it's late and you're in the office, he'd relieve some quick stress with you. Maybe he'd even let you suck him off under his desk whilst he's working (after you got him riled up on purpose, of course)
R = Risk (do they like to try new things) - I think he'd be open to new things, but mostly depending on how you feel about them.
S = Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts) - Maximum 3 rounds, just because he's a workaholic, and so he couldn't go for too long as he'd need to get his rest in for work the next day. But he always makes it up to you. When he has a day off, he'd go as much as you want him to.
T = Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers) - I think he wouldn't mind using one on you. His favourite would definitely be a remote controlled vibrator that he can activate at any time. You'd better hope you're not out hunting wanderers or with another person when he gets bored in his office and decides to activate it for fun.
U = Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves) - Oh, I think he wouldn't definitely be the type to make you whine and beg, edging you and watching you come apart as you plead for him to let you cum when he's two or three fingers deep inside you. Maybe he won't give in and you'll have to keep begging. Maybe he'll hold you still so that you don't seek any other stimulation to finish yourself off.
V = Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk) - Always low. Quiet. Hushed. Whispered. He won't moan too loudly, he'd probably hold it back or release it in an almost agonised growl and grunt. He likes to praise you, whether you're receiving or giving the pleasure. He would probably check on you whilst he was doing it to you to make sure he's not too rough or anything.
W = Wild card (random sincannon of any sort) - I think he'd definitely use his evol during sex at least one time 🤫 When it gets too hot, I'm sure a little ice would definitely help👩🏾‍🦯
X = X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants) - Girl...😏😩 he is packing of course. A good 5-6 inches.
Y = Yearning (sexdrive level) - It's not always high, but it certainly is when you tease him. Sometimes it'll go up just looking at you, or thinking about you.
Z = Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after) - He'll only sleep once he knows you're okay and all your needs have been taken care of. He'll watch you fall asleep in his arms.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
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Am I right or no, girlies?
(If you saw any spelling mistakes, no you didn't)
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my313 · 16 hours
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𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ perv!huening kai
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mdni 18+ only!
⋆ pairing: bobarista!kai & bobarista f!reader
⋆ summary: your shy and unbearably handsome new co-worker seemed normal. that is, until you catch him peeking through the back door to watch you change.
⋆ genre/themes/warnings: pervy!kai, no strong dom/sub themes, semi-public masturbation (m), getting caught (?)
⋆ word count: 1.7k
a/n: ITS TIME HE IS FINALLY HEREEEEEE. might do a pt 2 cuz im not very satisfied w this and i need them to fuck JDKDJF 😭 tysm to @boba-beom for helping me brainstorm <333 enjoy :3
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kai never meant to keep this habit up.
the first time was an accident. it was the one time you both were doing the closing shift, and like the nice boy he is, he let you get changed out of your work clothes first.
by the time he finished, you still weren’t out to greet him by the counter. kai decided, he’ll just take a slight peep at the back since he needed to discard his apron and hang it up anyway. it’s like the universe set the pieces perfectly in front of him, because the locker room door seemed to creak softly until an opening formed.
there’s been a number of times where he’s tried to make his broad frame smaller, curling behind the wall while watching you take off your shirt, memorising the colours and patterns of your underwear. kai could probably recite it the same way he does the boba shop’s menu – probably even better. it’s no wonder that you’re the first thing on his mind when his fist closes in on his length, and the last when he’s hiccuping your name while spilling for the third time every other night. the guilt only catches up to him when he feels the slimy ooze of his cum sliding down his stomach, wincing at the feeling.
he says this each time, something along the lines of, “i just passed by!” or “the door was open anyway…” to his own conscience. he knows you’re not hearing anything he says to justify why he starts to stay outside the locker room five minutes longer, ten minutes more — why he urges you to change clothes first, and why he keeps signing up for shifts that line up with yours.
at first, you thought kai’s constant efforts of being around you while blushing and barely being able to look at you was a small crush. something that dissipates once you undergo the weekend rushes, but kai continues his advances.
he makes you your favourite bubble tea and watches intently as your lips latch onto the thick straw then suction out the pearls. he helps you arrange boxes of ingredients when you can’t reach the tallest shelf, always hovering behind you and says he’s just “making himself useful.”
what you don’t know is that he’s grown an odd liking to watching your lips plump up against the roundness of the straw, fueling his feverish dreams of having you on your knees and doing the same to his cock. you don’t know that when he offers to ‘make himself useful’, he’s often thinking with his dick. he’s dazed by the delicious view of your skirt riding up, inwardly cheering when he catches a glimpse of where your thigh high socks squeeze the fat of your thigh.
on other days, he goes mad from seeing your shitty tights rip from the smallest movements. he pictures ruining them entirely, your face pressed against the very same lockers where he watches you undress.
the first time the bells started to ring in your head that kai may not be as innocent as you think, you’re just a bit shocked.
you recall the door being slightly ajar, and in hopes that your co-worker was still at front, you slung your bag over and went out, only to be greeted by kai’s blushing face and obvious boner. your eyes met for a brief moment, and while you expected some sort of explanation, kai only flashed an awkward smile like always and walked past you.
“s-see you tomorrow, yn.” he said, as if the huge elephant in the room wasn’t ghosting over your skin as he made his way into the locker room. if you hadn’t looked down, you would have thought you just caught kai in his natural state – flushed pink and too shy for his own good. but that definitely changed your mind.
so, you decided to run a few experiments to test your hypothesis.
the next few weeks consist of essentially testing your potentially perverted co-worker. it should be a harder pill to swallow, finding out kai had been watching your half-naked body for a good ten minutes per day. yet, you find yourself taking pride in the way you make kai act. you don’t bother to check if the door closes fully behind you each time you go change.
kai’s on his first toilet break of the day. he blames you and your choice of outfit. lately, you’ve been coming in in mini skirts and thigh highs, and today, you’re in one of his favourite pleated skirts and another one of your flimsy tights.
he swears you’re doing it on purpose, because on restock day, you’re typically grumpy and wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. but just the other day, you were fishing out the packets of pearls from the delivery, bent over with your cute, strawberry-printed panties immediately drawing out a “g-gonna take a break real quick!” from kai.
as if masturbating to you in the privacy of his bedroom wasn’t enough, he’s developed a sick routine of jerking off in the unkempt staff toilet. kai spends more of his lunch hours with his hands enveloping his cock at the thought of you than actually taking a break.
when it’s time for you to leave, your normal routine ensues. you go into the locker room with kai not-so-discreetly following behind, acting as if he’s double checking if the stock in the back is the right amount.
today though, kai doesn’t know what overcomes him. maybe it was the fact that you wore a matching set; pretty pink lace adorning your skin, holding you in places he wishes he could get his filthy hands on. maybe it’s the fact that you’re half-naked for a good five minutes, distracted on your phone to even proceed switching to a comfy sweatshirt.
within those five minutes, kai’s palming himself over the thick material of his jeans.
in the next two, he’s fumbling over the zipper and hastily unhooking the button. his cock is very obviously staining his briefs, leaking profusely and begging to be freed.
kai is quick to fall prey to his urges; what really does it for him is the way you bend over to pick up something that fell to the floor. he doesn’t notice nor care what it is. it’s tunnel vision from here on out, eyes trained on the plushness of your ass, deliciously cradled by your panties and pushed out for his viewing.
his mind is overtaken by obscenities. everything from smothering his face in your cunt to your knees faltering from how he’s made you cum.
he pictures his leaking tip soiling the crotch of your panties, imagining how he’d rut in and out between your thighs, like some makeshift fleshlight, before pulling your underwear off. his eyebrows scrunch at the thought of your skin covered in streaks of white. he thinks that you’d look up at him with wide eyes that ask for “one more?” even when he’s given you his load over and over, grunts morphing to sensitive whimpers.
kai’s body is on overdrive; eyes threatening to shut as his mind drifts into familiar territory but not wanting to miss the sight in front of him. his teeth are digging into his bottom lip to the point of tasting blood, while his arms are starting to give out from the speed he’s stroking himself at.
when you finally snap out of your phone break, kai takes it as a sign to speed up more than he already is. his hips chase after his tight fist, desperate to finish before you find out about his little secret. his stomach caves from the spike of euphoria until it peaks and he can’t stop himself from shooting out ribbons of his cum, his bottom lip surely taking a cut from how hard his canines have sunk into the skin.
he finally releases his bottom lip and takes a quick breather, cautious about whether you’ve put your clothes on. kai scrambles to rip a tissue roll to wipe the floor when he sees you absentmindedly smiling at your phone and walking towards the door.
he leaps into the staff toilet in a rush, just before you step out of the locker room.
you’re still on your phone when you move to the front of the shop, waiting on kai before taking your leave. glancing up at the toilet door from where you’re seated, you stifle a laugh as you think back on the delectable view you caught a peek at earlier. you shake your head at your co-worker’s antics, finding it a mix of silly, pathetically weird and also… sexy? hot?
kai makes an entrance with his apron snug against his body. you try to hold back a full-blown laugh and settle for a polite smile instead, waving your hand at him. “i’m gonna head out now– oh, wait,” your eyebrows knit together upon seeing the fresh tear on his lip.
you rush to his side, pressing your chest against him as your hands reach out to his face. your thumb rests on his bottom lip but you can feel his cheeks heat up against your other fingers. you know what you’re doing, and kai knows that you do. he’s thanking his self from five minutes ago for putting on this apron, because if not, you’d be stuck feeling his awakening hard on again.
“did you get hurt today? i didn’t see this earlier.” you frown, pressing your thumb against his bottom lip. he winces slightly, trying to pull away. a breath is stuck in his throat, the closeness rendering him to just a couple of meek nods or shakes of his head.
kai finally manages to get you back in your space. he shakes his head, “o-oh.. yeah! just– just cut my lip while eating earlier..?”
“be careful next time, yeah?” you chuckle, playfully bumping into him with your hip. “that face is our best seller!”
he laughs nervously, “that’s all you..!”
you’re leaning towards him again, coy with your hands folded behind your back. just enough to have him hitching his breath and anticipating more, but not so much to touch him.
you smile mischievously, hinting at what you just saw earlier. “both of us then? we put on a good show, hm?”
he gulps, “uh– no, you’re definitely much better.”
“i dunno,” you tease, finger tapping your lip almost mockingly as if pondering. “you’re a quick thinker.”
oh shit. you knew.
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swallowtail-lotus · 2 days
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Harassed {Jack the Ripper/Poseidon}
Repost
I'm sorry that I wrote this
Warning: mentions of murder and harassment. Don't do any of these things
__________
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Jack the Ripper🔪-
One of your friends had dragged you to a bar one night, insisting you needed to get out more. You didn't have any plans that night but you still refused. After some convincing, you agreed to go.
A few minutes in and your friend is already gone, leaving you by yourself at the main counter. You only took a few shots, but stopped yourself after the 4th shot.
Suddenly, some drunk guy sat next to you, resting his rough hand on your shoulder. He tried so many times to get you to talk, but you just ignored him and walked out the bar. You began your lone walk to your home.
Just when you turned a corner, hands began to caress your sides. You thrash in the guy's grip but he just held you tighter. You took out a small pocket knife and stabbed his leg. You took off the moment he let you go, running inside your house and locked it.
You had a hard time sleeping after that.
The next day, you refused to get of bed, let alone the house. This worried some of your friends and tried to ask you why, but you kept quiet, which led them to ask the friend who took you.
"I do not know. They just left without even saying anything."
That was all they said. They decided to drop it once they realised their question won't be answered.
The next night, while it was dark, you heard a knock on your bedroom window. To your surprise, it was someone who you grew close to, Jack the Ripper. Your first encounter was when he was injured and you, a kind hearted soul, took him in, unaware of who he was. He originally wanted to kill you but seeing how kind you were, the thought of killing you soon went away.
"Milady, what seems to be troubling you?" He asked, his mixed eyes staring into your soul. Your dropped your head down low, refusing to let him see your tears. You wanted to lie your way out, but Jack would be aware of it.
"I-I was forced to go to a bar and this disgusting man touched me and tried to-"
"What did he look like?" You looked up, seeing the man's face turn to his usual murderous expression, but it seemed more dark.
"W-well, he had black hair and blue eyes and looks a little bigger than you. He also had some facial hair on his jaw." You described the man the best you could. Jack didn't say anything and disappeared into the night.
2 nights later~
Sweeping the floors of your house with a headache wasn't the best idea. After finishing off, you rested yourself on one of your chairs. You felt a piece of paper under your hand and picked it up. It was folded neatly and had beautiful handwriting. You opened it up and read the short letter.
I apologise for leaving you in your time of need, but I had to get rid of the beast who tried to corrupt you.
You felt a presence in your room and turned around, spotting Jack, twirling a knife in his hand. Without a second thought, you jumped up and hugged him. Jack held his arms away from you, not knowing what to do.
"You didn't need to kill him." Your voice muffled by his chest. Silence filled the room after you spoke.
"It was entirely necessary. I refuse to let them take your beautiful colours away."
Tears been to fall out, staining his shirt. Jack lowered his arms, slowly wrapping them around your waist.
He always thought he'd never meet a kind person, until life decided to let him meet you.
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Poseidon🔱-
Being married to one of the most fearsome gods has its ups and downs.
One up is that you're the only one who can meet his gaze and live the next day.
One down is that he refuses to let you show affection in public to not ruin his public image in being perfect. (It does upset you, but you understand)
He sees you as his equal, so it isn't much of a surprise when another god stupid enough tries to have his way with you and he is informed.
This god won't leave you alone, even when you declined his invitation to accompany him.
"I told you many times! I do not wish to go with you!" You yelled at the persistent god following you.
It all started when he approached you and started a normal conversation. Then, he started getting a little too touchy with you, brushing his hand against your bare skin, his hands lingering on your shoulders and hovering over your chest for too long. That was enough for you to storm out and head back to your husband, the god you truly love.
"Come on, beautiful! I just want to know you better." The god exclaimed, grabbing your wrist. He pulled you closer to him, smirking victoriously when he saw your frightened face.
"I don't think she feels the same way." A familiar voice chimed in. The god froze in his spot, giving you the chance to wiggle out of his arms and step away from him. You felt relieved to see Heracles, his usual smile not present on his face and replaced with a menacing glare. The god trembled in his shoes and just took off to who knows, too afraid to even try to speak to the towering demigod.
"Fucking coward." You thought, watching the god disappear around a corner. You felt the demigod's hand on your shoulder.
"You should go back to Uncle. I bet he's missing you." Heracles' face changed to a more cheerful one, his smile exposing his pearly whites. You giggled at his sudden change and nodded.
"I should. Thank you for saving me!"
"No problem!"
With that, you took off to see your husband. Before entering, you took the time to stand up straight, take a deep breath and walked in. You faced your husband, slowly making your way to your throne next to his. Sea Blue eyes observed your form, noticing your slightly messy hair and increased speed of your breathing.
He knew these were your signs of discomfort.
"Who is responsible?" His chilling voice filled the silence. You felt exposed upon hearing his question and hesitated on answering. But you gave up.
"Just another god." You finally answered, your hands gripping the armrests nervously. You knew lying to your husband would be impossible.
"Come here." He demanded. You quickly complied, standing in front of him, unsure of his next demand.
"I said, come here." He demanded again, his eyes staring right in your own orbs. You swallow slowly, stepping closer to him. This was strange, he never demanded, let alone asked for anything like this. With hesitation, you wrapped your arms around Poseidon's waist. When he didn't push you away, you lowered yourself down to sit on his lap.
Crying was out of the question if it was for anything else, but after what happened, you couldn't help it.
Your quietly sobbed, tightening the hug. Surprisingly, Poseidon did nothing but sit there, listening to your sobs.
Poseidon will have to wait until he can deal with the living filth that decided to get his dirty hands on his wife...
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seyaryminamoto · 2 days
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Fic-to-Art #39: Gladiator's ELEVENTH Anniversary! (+ BONUS: Fic-to-Art #36...)
And here we are! March 26th arrived and I did not forget about it, but I paid for my ambitious madness with my wrist and forearm. Somehow, I finished my intended pieces on time, but I do not advise that you ever try to make 9 artworks in 3 days. No, sir. Bad life decisions, that's what that was... but this fic, as anyone knows, moves me to do things I never thought possible, starting with writing the fic itself!
It's really crazy every time it hits me that I've been doing this for as long as I have. It's been a complicated, chaotic journey, with its many ups and downs, but ultimately, it has been our journey. For some people, this is just one more fic in the pile: for me, it's been the best adventure of my life so far. Everyone who has ever been touched by Gladiator, who has ever cherished this story, who's looking forward to the big conclusion, who wants to see how the chaotic war is going to end... you're all part of this crazy adventure along with me, and I can only thank you for joining me.
This year, I had no time to make as big a project as I usually go for. Thus, I did a sort of free-for-all edition of Fic-to-Art over at Patreon and challenged myself to draw as many scenes as I could, out of their suggestions. I even sprinkled in a few scenes I impulsively wanted to draw because I loved writing them or because I look forward to writing them... and this is the result!
In order, the scenes are as follow:
Sokka combing Azula's hair, a common occurrence throughout the story.
Azula watching over a convalescing Sokka in the Chase of Jeong Jeong arc.
The outcome of Sokka's final battle in the Superior Gladiator League, namely a moment where Sokka and Azula more or less gave away their relationship's true nature to the public by raising their hands towards each other...
And now, spoiler territory! Some were by my choice, some by Patreon requests:
An important moment shortly after Sokka and Azula reunite.
Azula confronting her father, with a LOT of backup.
Xin Long's long-awaited freedom.
The aftermath of the final battle.
The full-blown confirmation of their relationship to the general Fire Nation populace.
Sokka, Azula and Hotaru's first night together
And the big final one is ACTUALLY Fic-to-Art #36 but hahaha woops I didn't post it here on time because it was super hard to finish since I had a LOT of things going on... but here it is now! :'D it's a glimpse VERY far into the future of this fic's timeline!
Alright, that should be enough talking and explaining. Some things are vague, some things aren't, but ultimately I really hope you guys will be looking forward to the scenes you haven't seen yet, and to Gladiator's eventual outcome.
So now... with all this being said and done, I'm gonna go take a trip down memory lane and watch my Tenth Anniversary video once more! Feel free to do the same thing if you'd like to commemorate the fic, I think it's a good way to experience Gladiator all over again, hahaha.
Thank you if you read all this, and if you read all THAT: 5 million word landmark, here we come! Thanks for hanging out with me across ELEVEN years of Gladiator!
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puuta-heinaa · 2 days
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Joker Out, Paris (Café de la danse) 22.3.2024
I arrived at the venue around 14ish, and was third to last in the EE queue. However queueing is part of the party! I exchanged sooo many bracelets and met amazing people, some of which I just met that day, some I knew from Discord or tumblr or earlier gigs, couldn't have been happier. Got selfies with Bojan and Jan?? Hug from Bojan??? HELLO. That would never happen in Finland. I described his hug as jämäkkä and turvallinen, which roughly translates to sturdy and safe.
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Some of the bracelets I made for the concert!
Met someone in the queue who had hawk's eyes and who encouraged me to go and ask for a selfie with Jan, and later on she spotted Bojan on the street 100 m before everyone else did. I had a chance to give Bojan 3 2 ananaslonkero -bracelet that I'd made, with a tiny drink charm. If the main joke in fandoms is that a hug from your blorbo would cure you? well it's true. Getting a hug from Bojan removed some stiffness between my shoulder blades that I didn't even know was there. It was literally easier to breathe after the encounter. I also kept vigorously shaking for 3-5 minutes afterwards, so much that some people asked if I'm ok. Just released years worth of trauma ig. Also LOTS of happy hand stims throughout the day, my autism was showing lol.
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Jan was outdoors SMOKING!!! And Bojan had charmingly dirty hair! He was taller than I had thought.
ANYways the gig !! I ended up on Jance side, which was nice as I was on Kris' side in Helsinki. Whole stage was about as wide as K-18 section at Kultsa, and I think they suit better on smaller stages.
We got Vem da Gres and Gola in soundcheck! I was wearing Vem da gres -bracelet that I got in Helsinki a few weeks ago and thought about that person for a few seconds!
Gola was ok. Bojan got disney mickey ears, and he was wearing my 3 2 ananaslonkero bracelet. Bojan also got a maca plushie that he was NOT scared of, he even made it fly.
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Kris left the stage as soon as the last notes of Gola were over, other boys stayed jamming in accelerating speed for couple of more minutes. I showed them my UM sign that only read "I want to sing UMAZAN" at that point. :')
20h02 was ok, didn't connect with their music at all though. JC Stewart seemed a bit sick, but sounded good nevertheless. Finished my sign.
They started with Katrina and Bele Sanje, and people were singing even guitar riffs along. Dopamin hit like dopamine followed by Ne bi smel, Nace was staring at me several times during those songs.
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Liinu's superb edit of staring sc Nace and struggling Kris and Arcti's edit about Jan's forgotten library books made my day
People were already singing along to Sta bih ja, and Bojan was sooo happy (and sweaty. We were all very sweaty, the concert hall was ridiculously warm.). Kris disappeared for a moment in the beginning of Sta bih ja, and Bojan looked like a lost puppy (wait, where is kris?? about 5-10 seconds into sta bih ja). Bojan said Kris didn't like how Jan played the riff and that's why he left the stage :P. Jan flipped a bird to him.
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Decibels raised by about 20 when they played Ona and Demoni. Turns out they might be the easiest to sing along for absolutely everyone, not just for people who speak Finnish. Bojan looked me directly into eyes during second verse of Demoni for several seconds, and I felt so seen (in a good way). EE was definitely worth its price.
In Helsinki I felt like the setlist was over before it even started, but in Paris it felt more like we were really dancing and playing until the stars fade. I think it had something to do with how much they interacted with each other and with the public during each song. In Helsinki they seemed like they had forgotten how to be on stage, and there was just TOO MUCH SPACE, whereas Paris had Nordic Tour energy.
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They all moved a LOT on stage!! Kris was on jance side several times! Nace had a mating dance thingy going on with Kris at least twice, Jan once. Jan interacted with the public on Kris's side a few times. Bojan almost run into Kris at one point - no wonder he caressed Kris's arm to let him know he's there before grapping his hips?? and dancing behind him??? during Behind those eyes. It's cafe de la danse after all.
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Def thinking "THIS is how we'll trend on tumblr tonight" right after the famous dance
Everybody's waiting and soooooo many people raised hands when Bojan asked in his spiel before the song if anyone here suffers from panic or anxiety attacks, and I think it made everyone feel less alone. He sang I'm the problem it's me -line to make things a bit lighter before proceeding to the song.
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We got Omamljeno Telo and I felt SOOOO HAPPY (but also sad for Moonu) but also SOOOO HAPPY it was on the setlist, I think I screamed VITTU JES on top of my lungs (manifesting it for Ruisrock huh). Famous water spray on Jan during OT, and it shows I've grown old, because instead of "yeeeess I want Bojan's spit on me" I went "rat disease, why am I not wearing a mask".
Everyone sang along during CD, not in French though even if there was a fanproject French translation published a whole 28 hours before(....). Plastika hit like a hammer once again, but I think I was already waiting and stressing for UM, so I didn't mosh for example. Which, good idea, because my neck was soooo sore after Helsinki.
Bojan announced the karaoke song, and asked which versions we have today. He saw my sign, asked "Slovenian version?", to which I "said" (from 4th row on Jan+Nace side) Finnish version, and he heard it and corrected himself and said perfect. I was not afraid at all even if I knew I'm probs going to sing in front of about 500 people in 5ish minutes???? How??? I'm usually a ball of anxiety but here I was just proud and excited to sing my version of it.
I loved the Bretogne/French version (I've still no idea what were the words, but it rhymed super well and she sang well, but that was def NOT paris region French), cringed at some of the "translations" because they did not fit the lines and did not rhyme, sang along to Slovenian versions in Finnish, felt bad for one of them as the karaoke singer started at the wrong moment and Bojan spent most of their special moment trying to orchestrate the band.
When Bojan approached with "I think we still have a Slovenian version, OH NO, A FINNISH VERSION" I chortled, and felt the last bits of nervousness disappear. (Cue "some boat, titanic, oh no".) I had my ACTUALLY finger pointing moment, which, on point with my personality, telling him it's a hybrid version. I don't know what he meant with SUOMI SAA, but it was NOT full-on Suomi SAATANA, that much is certain. I quite like the idea/interpretation he was making a pun with SAA(tan)Are you ready? But who knows. Sad about missed chance to answer "ArE YoU???" now that I think about it, but at least I wasn't the only one who failed the moment :') . Speaking of cursewords though, a histronic youngster next to me did shout vittu though! I loved my spot but she was super annoying throughout the evening.
The Finnish version is in the beginning of this one, and the Arabic version right after Finnish version is AMAZING. The French version is on the first part, as well as Bojan going "uuu Finnish version? perfect".
Started in Slovene, which made him have a Ok?? face, but when I switched to my own Finnish version that rhymes with the Slovene version, he raised his brows and seemed so impressed that I just nodded to him, sending telepath(et)ic messages that yes, our languages match and rhyme, about time you collaborate with Jere. I think he remembered I asked for a hug in the afternoon, because he did not hug everyone during karaoke. Afternoon hug was better btw.
I love his little surprised smile right when I finish the first Finnish line on this one
I usually think quite a lot about how other people perceive me, but now I didn't give a single fuck, just enjoyed being the main character for 20 seconds, having this interaction with my blorbo. Forever grateful for the 4 different angles I received from friends I made in the queue, and 1 from a random guy who asked me after the concert if I'd like to receive a video he took of me singing. Even Vita was filming the whole thing with her big light + camera + phone ensemble. I often sing in my car, and even IMAGINING i'm singing karaoke makes my voice suddenly tiny and weak and compressed, so I'm overflowingly glad it went this well, you have no idea even if I've just bragged about it for 4 paragraphs.
I later realised I was the only one who didn't hold the mic themself, this is a clear example how I objectify the boys, seeing Bojan just as a mic stand.🫣😵‍💫
I got fluent Kiitos from Bojan, that guy needs to move to Finland he speaks Finnish so well. Also LMAO I forgot to sniff him in the afternoon, now I'm praying the snifff I took after karaoke wasn't too evident and doesn't show on Vita's video……….. Jere is wrong, Bojan does not smell like shit, but there were no parfume smell either? He just smells like nothing in a pleasant, pheromone rich way lol.
my translation: Sanje so tvojega okusa Aamuihin taas tuoksusi Neula ei haarukassa Sieluni on hukassa Etsimässä tietään luoksesi
I haven't figured how to translate the first line. I've been playing with "Makus' on tarrannut uniini", but it does not rhyme with the og well enough. Otherwise super proud of my version. Neula and haarukka are parts of compass, basically saying the compass is layed on the map the wrong way. 🧭
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This is how small the place was??? I was in 3/4th row, and the hat guy in the right corner was right behind me during the concert so the club truly was tiny.
Apparently bubbles were not allowed on stage in Cafe de la danse? But some people had brought their own so we had bubbles anyway.
Jure exchanged his drumstick to a breadstick. I laughed because a) it was a clever pun and b) such a stereotypically French thing to bring a BAGUETTE wrapped in a napkin to a concert. Also no wonder boys are always sick, I don't even want to know how many people touched that bread before it was on stage.
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Life is pain (in mouths)
We waited for the boys after the concert outside the venue in the rain, and they walked past quite quickly. Bojan stayed for 30 seconds to take a group selfie. <3
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Honestly so happy I traveled there and met amazing people and surpassed myself on so many levels.
I feel like 2004 again, because that's when I last made a post this long on livejournal and also when I last was this hyped about a group.
I loved band's AMAZING OUTFITS in Café de la danse, everyone had some idrija lace on them, and I'm afraid my next special interest will be bobbin lace.
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sturn777 · 9 hours
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ᴛᴏᴜʀ
chris sturniolo x angelina hamilton
chapter one
ALL OTHER PARTS
sturniolo.triplets
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Liked by SkylarHamilton, MattSturniolo and 583,726 others...
sturniolotriplets TOUR DATES! TICKETS GO ON SALE AUGUST 9TH 2:30 PST 5:30 EST! Excited to see you guys 🦌🦈🦇
nicksturniolo Bats on top 🦇🦇🦇
chrissturniolo 🦌
user crying from europe
-> skylarhamilton ME TOO GIRL!! 😭😭
user BUYING TICKETS RIGHT NOW?!!?!!!!!
user raaah they all look so good 😍😍😍
skylarhamilton praying to god you just randomly switch up and come to the uk 🙏🙏🙏
-> sturniolotriplets Another time maybe 🤷‍♂️
-> skylarhamilton SCREAMING WHAT
-> skylarhamilton NICK PLS BE YOU I LOVE YOU 💕💖💗💞
-> nicksturniolo Love you more!!
-> skylarhamilton I DIED.
user Y'ALL IM SO EXCITED
user THRE CMIS TO MY CIY WTF OMG IM ROLNG ONIUA  TE FLOOR I CAT BREATHE HELp
-> mattsturniolo Lmao me too
user WHY ARE THE TRIPLETS SO CASUAL LMAOO ITS SCARY
user id beg my mom to go but she just wouldn’t let me 🥲🥲👎
user THE TICKETS ARE BOUGHT
mattsturniolo See y'all there 👋👋
Skylar Hamiltons birthday had been hectic already and it was only lunch time. First of all Skylar had woken up way before Angelina which was unplanned as Angelina had saved the decorations for the morning, the girls cake hadn't been finished by the bakery, some of her presents still hadn't come in the mail and most of the teenagers friends hadn't knocked at the door to join her party.
Angelina had tried her very best to make do with what they had. Turning blowing balloons up into a 'party game', picking up a cake that didn't fit the theme from the stores instead, and was currently trying her best to make a fun party even though only three out of the twelve girls invited had shown up.
What annoyed the siblings was that they had notice. It wasn't like it was a rushed invitation that had been handed out at the start of the week. No, in-fact they had invited people at least two months before to know what to prepare for, the girls who hadn't shown up had been in the group-chat that was made and were seemingly excited about it all.
But what pissed off Angelina more than it did Skylar, was that the girls who didn't show up were hanging out together and posting it on their public stories on every possible social media account possible. Lord knows she was damn near pulling up and screaming in their faces, but she kept herself calm.
So Angelina sat on the sofa and watched Skylar and her three friends; Jess, Sophia and Charlie. They were currently playing a stupid game one of them had bought over. It was some type of card game that had them rolling on the floor in laughter, so Angelina couldn't complain.
All she was waiting for now was the doorbell to ring. Her phone sat on her thigh, refreshing her texts every few seconds (sometimes minutes as she would zone out or get distracted by the teenagers in-front of her).
Once the doorbell rang she would be able to collect Skylars main present, the one she had bought not too long ago after doing quite a lot of research after the teenagers ramble in the kitchen one morning a few weeks ago.
"That's not even funny! I'm just— I'm—!" A cackle tuned itself in too Angelinas ears. Jess was struggling to catch a breath whilst speaking, Skylar and Sophia were both laid back on the carpeted floor with their hands on their stomach. The sound of laughter not even escaping their mouths as they were laughing that hard. Angelina smiled to herself, snapping a few pictures of the three that she would make sure to send to them all like she had been doing all night.
The TV played quietly behind them, a youtube video playing of the brothers their car, discussing something random topic each time Angelina would pass by. Skylar seemed to enjoy their channel a lot, along with the friends sat in the living room, and Angelina didn't really watch any youtube at all so she was open to anything. She would consider herself a 'fan' but not like the type she's seen occasionally on her for you page.
The dark skinned girl snapped out of her thoughts as the doorbell rung, the teenagers in-front of her not even noticing in the midst of their fit of laughter. Angelina stood up and walked towards the door where her friend, Maya, stood behind the wood.
Maya smiled towards Angelina, "Hey! How are you?"
"I'm good you? You have the thing?"
"Yeah I'm good, and of course." Maya smiled towards the dark skinned girl. Lifting the small, sealed envelope that was sat in her hand. "I would stay but I gotta run, tell Skye I said happy birthday!"
Angelina nodded with a smile, shouting a 'thanks' as the girl walked back towards her car, shutting the door and moving back into the living room. The group of teenagers were now sat on the sofas, the TV's volume turned up slightly as they were all focused on the current video playing.
Charlie looked up as Angelina walked in, "Hey, where'd you go?”
"Got something for the birthday girl." Angelina smiled, gently chucking the envelope onto her sisters lap which caused Skylar's eyes to drift downwards and her eyebrows to raise.
"What is it?" Skylar questioned, Angelina only shrugging in response and plopping herself down on the other sofa. Sophia and Charlie only smiled as they encouraged the girl to open the envelope quicker.
Inside the envelope was a small sheet of paper, small graphics decorating it. "Read it out then!" Sophia sighed, nudging Skylar in the ribs. Skylar only beamed a bright smile after skimming through the note.
"Dear Skylar, you are invited to the Sturniolo triplets verses tour in Orlando Florida on the eighteenth of October. Unluckily for you, your sister will be joining you but I hope you have a good time. Your flight leaves in three days, get packing."
The four girls squealed all together, jumping up and down in a small group huddle. Skylar separating herself from the other three and jumping onto Angelina, hugging her tightly.
"Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome Skye, just know you're doing the dishes for three days."
tags: @st7rnioioss @its-jennarose @timmyscomputer @kriissy4gov @liz-stxrn @sunrisemill @mattssluttywaist @riasturns @mx0qin @junnniiieee07 @sturnzsblog @mattslolita @ariieeesworld @alorsxsturn
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I was scared!
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Summary:  You and Jongho were a couple for almost a year, you visited a concert of his, standing in barricade spots. Noone could have imagined that you suddenly can't be found in the crowd anymore, which had suddenly started to push each other slightly. Completely written from Jongho´s point of view.
Pairing: bf!Jongho x fem!reader, established relationship
Word Count:  1233
Warnings: angsty (?), mentioned panic attack/anxiety, mentioned crowded place, description of fear (?), fluff in the end
[note: it´s not very long, but i had fun writing it from Jongho´s point of view. RE-UPLOAD from my old blog @/justsomedreaming]
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© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.
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Y/n. She has been the light of my life for almost a year now. The both of us met during a fansign, I just fell in love with her that day and soon we had started dating. Even though it was hard at first with keeping it hidden, I soon decided to make it public. I didn't want to hide my feelings for her, nor how happy y/n made me. Hongjoong and the other hyungs were very supportive and welcomed y/n into our lives. She finished her fashion master's degree only shortly before we started dating and soon, Hongjoong hyung helped her with getting a job in our stylist team, mainly responsible for the outfits. That way, she was able to stay close with us. 
This time though, she wanted to see our performance from ATINY's view once again, so I made sure to get her a VIP ticket and backstage pass. We once customized a Lightiny for each other, which she took with her when we arrived at the location and she had to find her spot in the audience area. 
The moment we stepped out on stage, I found her gaze, never truly letting her out of sight, not only because I couldn't resist looking at my beautiful girlfriend, but also to check on her. I knew she struggles with crowded places and it was very clear to us that the host didn't meet all safety measures fully. The audience was squished into the rather tight space, I could see y/n slowly struggling and losing her calm expression. Even her eyes told me that she was terrified of all the people pushing and squeezing against each other. For a moment, only a few seconds, I looked at our captain to see his reaction to the situation, he had stopped the last performance to assess the problem. When I looked back to where y/n was standing, my heart stopped.
She wasn't there anymore. All of a sudden, I couldn't find y/n’s beautiful face anywhere in the crowd. Hongjoong hyung actually started to tell people to stop pushing into the areas, Mingi hyung told the security to open side gates, so the fans could get out safely since we finished the last song. The host really didn't plan it well and the hyungs were furious. But I couldn't focus on anything, a stinging pain in my chest when worry took over. What if y/n got hurt or was having a panic attack and I wasn't there for her? 
I didn't even realize that my body had moved until a hand around my upper arm stopped me from climbing down the stage to find her.
“Jongho, you can't.” It was Seonghwa hyung’s voice, and even though I knew he was right, I pulled against his grip. Only when another set of hands helped him to hold me back, they managed to navigate me from the stage and out of the building through one of the backstage doors. When the cold air hit me, I just dropped onto the stairs, a dry sob escaping me. “Sh- she was in the crowd there…y/n was- I didn't see her anymore-” 
My voice cracked, an icy feeling wrapped around my heart, my chest felt as if something coiled around it and squeezed all air out of my lungs. My hand was still clinging to my microphone, the little lucky charm that y/n made for me dangling from its end. I know that my eyes were aimlessly glancing around, it all felt like a blur of my vision, not able to make out a real thought aside of my worry for y/n. Well, that is until I noticed the Lightiny in the corner of my eyes. Y/n’s Lightiny. Holding my breath, I turned my head just a bit, another dry sob squeezed out between my lips when I saw that it was San holding it. He must have been standing with me all the time, because I could hear him thank someone for bringing it out to us and asking them to keep searching.
When he heard the sound I made, he sat down beside me, resting his empty hand on my shoulder, I could feel it squeeze comfortably. “Y/m, is she-” I whispered, my voice cracking once again, tears starting to sting in my eyes when San just shook his head. “Not yet. They found it with her stuff near one of the backstage doors. We hope that she slipped out and just hid backstage to calm down.” 
His words just increased my worries. What if she got pushed and got hurt physically? Did she maybe stumble and hit her head or worse? A quiet cracking sound got to my ears, but I didn't pay attention, only thinking about her. That is, until San's hand pried my hand open to release my microphone from it, I squeezed it hard enough to break it. I didn't even notice that a little piece of it had cut into my palm.
“Found y/n.” 
It was only quietly that I heard these words, my vision blurry as I stood up, almost knocking over San who was supporting me, because I must have swayed a little, when standing up, I got slightly dizzy from the sudden change of position. “T- they found her?” My voice still hoarse, I moved automatically, blinking quickly when I walked inside into the darker surroundings and out of the sunlight. San walked directly behind me, I could feel his hand on my back from time to time but when I saw her, I stopped. Seonghwa had his outfit jacket around her shoulders, speaking calmly at her. “Y/n…” 
She must've heard my voice, because y/n looked up and her eyes widened as she suddenly ran towards me. Her arms wrapping around my middle, I stumbled slightly backwards, falling onto my butt, pulling her with me. My own arms wrapped around her, I made sure to keep her on top of me, so she wouldn't possibly get hurt. I couldn't stop myself from hiding my face against her neck, just holding her close for now.
“Y/n…I- I was so scared-”
My voice cracked once again and I could feel her body being shaken by sobs, my hyungs just staring at me for what I had said. They never really witnessed me being scared, so this was a first for them. Behind us, I could hear Seonghwa telling San in a whispering voice, that they had found y/n in our backstage room where we had prepared, hiding under one of my coats that I wore on our way here. This actually let me chuckle a bit in between my own quiet sobs, of course she hid in the most obvious spot and yet no one found her for a while.
This day truly showed me what fear feels like, especially the fear of possibly losing the person who makes me whole. I had been so scared she could have gotten hurt or anything, that everything only felt like a blur for me. When I looked at her, I couldn't help but take her face in both my hands to kiss her, the first time I did so in front of anyone, but I didn't care. I was just so relieved that she was alright. 
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taglist: @mingis-mizu, @tinyelfperson
(if you want to be added to a taglist, follow the taglist-link in my pinned post)
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neriumxoleander · 25 days
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I feel like putting this out there for anyone who isn't a patron: Gato deleted her social medias. This ISNT gato, and I'm guessing they're going to go on a tirade about her soon. I would reccomend blocking them.
(Please do not interact with my posts if you are a minor or have no age listed on your blog, I will block you)
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iphigeniacomplex · 5 months
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breaking my silence on chess the musical to say that i would literally not give a fuck about this show if i thought it was good or fully successful at what it is saying. SORRY! i love how messy she is. i love how since 1984 and continuing to this very day people with entirely different perceptions of and opinions on the musical have attempted in their own ways to "make it good" by creating all these different versions with like notably different plots, characterization, and song order, and i love how fucking bad the vast majority of these are despite it all. i hope people keep trying to fix chess the musical forever and until the end of time. i hope no one ever figures it out. i want every currently living theatre director in existence to make their own version and for all these versions to come out on broadway at the same time, making that year's musical season entirely comprised of various different versions of the cold war chess musical by tim rice and half of abba. i want not only our greatest minds but also our middlest-of-the-road and worst minds to come up with their own conclusions as to why chess does not entirely work in its original form or any subsequent forms like to really think about it and yes i do want someone to dedicate their entire life to perfecting chess by releasing version after version after version until they die peacefully but still, as always, in the grips of obsession. i want marriages to be broken up. i want mental states to be shattered. i dream of this world
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cloud-ya · 2 years
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everyone here knows me, but I don't know anyone
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lagaans · 2 days
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u know since every library doesnt have every book or multiple copies of it and often you might not even be able to request something on short notice - it would be cool if there were like a public citizens catalog where like parallel to the library if someone owns a book that you want to read you could just borrow/exchange/get it for free from them. like ik we have those "free library" boxes around my town but those are often books people just don't care to have anymore and its not like you can easily get a book you actively are trying to read. anyways I don't really have coding skills but it would be cool. at least I might a list of the physical books I own and see if my friends want to make their own and share it w me.... 🤔
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grievice · 5 months
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I love how the characterization of Fyodor changes ever so slightly depending on whether you're consuming the anime vs manga & the english sub vs english dub. just the nuances in the differences of his appearance and voice changing the vibe
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chickenkooks · 11 months
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Hi, it's May 2023 now time rly does fly fast huh? I still re-read TRA bec it's my comfort fic. Anyway i hope you're doing well and still having amazing sex lol! I miss hearing bout ur seggs stories and just ur life updates. I hope one day if by chance u can still open this acc, and you'll see our positive messages ahhh! tysm for writing tra really. Every year i still send you an ask it's pathetic jshdhd but i miss you sm my fave writer but I hope u're well, happy and healthy! 💜 it's been what 4 or 5 years but i still won't give up hope that u'll update us someday even if it's just a life update huhueee im just so thankful u wrote tra. And i truly miss you xx take care always!
oh boy so hi i don't even know how many years its been at this point but this message just really warmed my heart and i thought you were owed at least a response!!! thank you so so so much for this kind message. you guys have been getting after me ever since i left and trust me i see every message but i just didn't know what to say? i don't even know how many of you remember me or will even see this. im sorry for that. god i can't believe its been that long. i don't know if ill ever update tra. i really intended to finish and hoped having beta readers would help but.... i think i had left the fandom at that point so it was hard to put myself back in that same space. i really want to say how i intended for it to end but there is a part of me that hopes to finish it. i just don't know when that'll be, if I even decide to. but i've been getting back into writing lately but I post on ao3 now!!! if u guys are at all interested I could answer messages privately? anyway I hope ur doing well too whoever u are and i appreciate u from the bottom of my heart!!!!!! thank you so much for your patience
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worriesndoodles · 2 days
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log 00
so one of the things that got me wanting to keep a tumblr properly this time is me wanting to keep track of my progress with my thesis project and keeping myself a little accountable with public posting but also writing things down and logging them helps with processing thoughts.
i really want to start doing that asap so hopefully this will be somewhat of a devlog-diary-sketch dump little series. gonna tag them all as long post and 24pjtlog so if you need to block the tags feel free!
there are so many things i want to say about the project itself and about the context of it both for the plot and for the reason im still not done with it. i know i dont *have* to but this is not just a documentation and the context matters to me and to my process so much.
general context
i contemplated writing out the reasons why and how but ultimately, the core thought here is that i failed at graduating on time. and not in a "i took a break for a semester and will come back" but "entered the grad exhibition class, couldnt finish my project, fell out at the last minute" kinda way. i still dont know if these are just excuses because ive seen my classmates working literally 24/7 and it still feels like i should've tried harder. i spent so much time depressed and crying because of this and it was very very very hard. but ive had the break to rest and heal a bit and turns out it doesnt affect me as badly as i thought.
i failed and im actually....ok.
i found a good place for my first job, im working without too many issues, my colleagues are nice and understanding and i think i have much more faith in myself now. i have some sour leftover feelings about this project, despite it being so deeply personal and cathartic on paper. but i kinda want to take all of this proper failure experience and my newly-born self faith and get out of my comfort zone a little.
im usually insecure about sharing my art and my thoughts, im pretty bad at documenting processes and keeping deadlines, i get confused easily with my own story and want to achieve the perfect masterpiece that no one has ever seen before.
i think perfectionism is the root of problems for most of these things, actually. i never post on social media because i cant do it perfectly from the first try or god forbid people will see my *bad* art when i can practice some more and post later, when im finally kinda good at it. even now with all the good things affirmed and with the not so scary failure experience i find myself spiriling into the perfectionism very often and very deeply.
so this log is ultimately me battling with my perfectionism. its *the* comfort zone for me that i desperately need to leave and what better way to do it than to actually write and show everything ive been scared to before. i want to do things finally and stop being so afraid, not only of showing art but of being a person with feelings, thoughts and imperfections.
im saying this to myself but even if im wrong or cringe or make a mistake it doesnt take away from my self worth. i can still take up the space, i can still be.
this is less about the project itself and more about my feelings and healing but i just want to promise myself that i will just do this and have fun. i genuinely enjoy keeping a tumblr so far and i definitely enjoy drawing and coding and telling stories (and changing lives...) and i want to finally just let myself do these things and share them with people.
not because its necessary for my "future career" and i have to, like i thought before. im learning to enjoy things and enjoy taking up space. im going to do it messily and weirdly and cringe at myself a lot but even if i dont believe im capable or good enough i know there are people who do. i dont have to like my work but if it resonates even with one person it makes it valuable, i believe at least that much.
one other small thing that stopped me from posting my long ranty posts is that i barely see other, bigger (or even smaller) artists do that. it always feels like if i want to be a professional (whatever that means, even though i dont want to draw full time yet) i have to keep a very clean strict look. i guess it is true in capitalistic society but i recently have come to realise its just something i do. i enjoy writing these long thinking posts with no particular purpose, i enjoy sharing things i've thought of lately even if they are simple and i think it just might be a part of me. i know people dont like to share a lot of them online often (and i respect and love that) but i might be just....a yapper someone who wants to do that. im still learning to balance between too much (and too sensitive) information and normal blogging but i think im not as bad at it as i thought.
anyways, im glad i finally wrote it all down. im going to focus more on the process and story part from now on so it will be less personal and more visual!
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glitchbirds · 9 months
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it took a very long time to get to this point again w/ a lot of internal misery along the way but i think im at a point of being tentatively happy with my art in its current state and how it's improving for the first time since like, community college pre-chronic pain (and arguably the first time Ever wrt digital art)
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pyrriax · 3 months
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wdym its the 22nd already. what.
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