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#its not a thing ive learned how to do or deal with
sandinmybed · 5 months
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can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.
most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.
#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn#its just a pattern ive observed online#im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words#but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help#youre a fucking idiot lol#people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online#how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders#of those spaces have been telling them#you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause.#text#like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim#and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh#like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation#some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore#and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time!#unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them#very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you#have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?
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cheap-slaw · 6 months
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#long time since a did one of this#blah slaw#posts... erm but idk i have thoughts. first thought is#how im more mentally committed to the relationship (platonic) and story line of shadow and stone ive concocted in my head than stobotnik rn#idgaf about Bot im sorry 😭😭😭#i only care for him in the sense that he is dead which pushes stones character forward 💀 fridging stone... whoops#idk if thats the right term... whatever#im also still dealing with charm orders and im almost done!!! so close!!!! tbh i dont think ill ever do this again...#dealing with the post office & managing msgs & all the money stuff is ... a lot#its for some people but its not for me 😭 little art fairs and tabling at cons in person? thats for me!!!! i love that#so i'll be inperson sales only for the future. but maybe not forever idk#im so close to closing my illustration job! just a few more ends to tie off and i can quit... i looked into the company more and man#im ashamed i evee signed a contract and wored for them... their terrible... i was very niave and over excited about the opportunity#to realize what i was getting into and whom i was getting into it with... itll be over soon#after everything i barely want to pick up a pen of any kind. i think im a bit burt out. i dont know when I'll draw next or what it'll be...#looking at my computer and even thinking about drawing feels overwhelm#i think trying to balance my day job with a difficult illustration job and still find time to draw for myself and then organize orders when#id never done it before was way too much for me. its been a learning experience for sure...#i need to be boiled for a bit. left to simmer. or maybe rotated on one of those rotisserie chicken things#cooked until well done for a while#if that makes sense at all#did any of this make sense?#ps if u see any spelling mistakes... no u didnt DX im bad at reading and writing thats why i draw ahdjkskakaka
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ladysqueakinpip · 12 days
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not me lying wide awake at 5:30am on a sunday on my day off bc after almost a full year I finally FINALLY realized the implication of the end of remember them from the cyclops saga
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#that song has one of the most powerful ending crescendo sequences ive heard in maybe all of musical theater#so it. always felt incomplete after ALL that buildup during the I AM THE INFAMOOOUS#only to just drop to SILENCE. no music. no fanfare. just ODYSSEUS!#he doesnt even really sing it he just sort of... shouts it#and then its followed by the faintest sound of ocean waves#its poseidon. listening. THATS why athena said DONT#poseidon heard that declaration and came back to get him later#😬#i just looked up the lyrics for ruthlessness too and poseidon basically spells it out 😂#ive only listened to that song once or twice tho and i guess i wasnt too focused on the words#anyway i relistened to the songs on friday and theyve been rotating in my mind like a 7/11 hotdog#the whole cyclops saga especially is just.... so so good#they truly dont make music about bashing peoples heads in like they used to#the first 3 songs of the saga especially... oof#how they blend one into the other back to back and end up making like a 10 minute narration of events#the whole thing is so bone chilling#it gets my heartrate up lol#PLUS the theme of pain and vengeance bring more pain#EVERY time polyphemus says 'what gives you a right to deal a pain so deep'#and when odysseus says 'what good would killing do when mercy is a skill more of the world could learn to use'#rocking back and forth sobbing crying#remember them the next time that you DARE choose not to spare! remember them... remember us... remember me!#cant wait for everyone to turn their back on this musical in 5 yrs#like they did with hamilto.n#hamilto.n never stopped being good actually#yall are just embarrassed about being weird fanatics over people who rly existed
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mocury-moto · 4 months
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wow my artistic confidence just skyrocketed okay good to know
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weenhands · 1 year
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ok might start exiting that phase of Me severly doubting and gaslighting myself on being possibly autismal because yea when i go research mode it all adds up but even when im assessing myself carefully on DSMV criteria it gets to a point where it's like ash ...... please stop playing dumb this is rlly serious
#its like. all of the criteria. all of it. To a very confident degree#i fit it so perfectly#and sometimes im like OK BUT its normal (gaslighting myself) to have abnormal interests at times (gaslighting myelf😁)#and to just have it be your whole identity (gaslighting yourself! age 9 all you could think about was little big planet 24/7 with#no exaggeration whatsoever it impaired your school life and temporarily your relationship with your brother:) youd throw intense meltdowns#when mom and dad said go to bed after playing all day:) you refused to get up and pee when you really had to!#age 13 you would rewatch my little pony equestria girls every single day after coming back from school. age 14 you became a knowledge bank#for every single youtuber/micro influencer on instagram who you admired and spent intense amount of study and focus trying to copy to a tea#in order to mask. age 16 and you oftentimes explain your extensive knowledge to haircare as you yoursef probably able to deal with a wide#variety of hair textures and porosities and types because you spent an entire year learning about nothing else but haircair#and stayed up till 6am every night doing so. unable to stop.#age 18-19 you became so fixated on tarot the passage of time didnt exist. you almot forgot to eat for an entire 10 hours when you got your#first deck. if you were to pick up a deck at that time you wouldnt be able to stop yourself. age 20 your fixation on makeup is so strong#youve probably spent a total of 4k on makeup in the past year. you couldnt stop infodumping on both haircare for HOURS and on makeup#it is the only thing you want to talk about)#but no. its normal that EVERY SINGLE interest ive had ive had it to an abnormal extent#and its not just that. its the fact that i also have Other criteria.#my friend robin could hypothetically have interests to a weirder extent than me#but she doesnt struggle with friendships and conversations. it causes me severe distress with the way how i cant manage either#and its obvious on here too#the echolalia i have. the movements. the COUNTLESS fixations ive had since i was little (rubbing my mouth and humming whenever i heard#something uncomfortable so the vibrations would calm me down. always hating motorbikes. hating the sound of plates. bright lights.)#my teacher reporting i had poor motor skills but my parents going like chile anyways#and the way how ive always been embarrased throwing quote on quote tantrums at an age i wasnt supposed to anymore#which were basically meltdowns lol like its not nomal to feel like a danger to yourself when you're angry and want to punch mirrors when#ur makeup routine isnt going to plan#theres more but yewh hehshdhfjfj#just. i keep telling myself ok but Ash anyone can have this....YEAH BUT BITCH UR TICKING ALL THE BOXES!#also i made mistakes on saying fixation instead of stims and also listing my sensory issues#im just venting and 👍👍👍 yeah
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sigh I’m not doing yaoi discourse in 2023. takes three seconds to look up how it originated versus other gay genres/subgenres like yuri, shounen-ai, bara, or BL. I seriously don’t give a fuck if people create/engage with yaoi but ignoring its origins is not helping anyone especially if you’re trying to reclaim the genre.
#mud rambles#yaoi is not yuris counterpart and people pretending it is. is like. ridiculous#men writing yuri and women writing BL in of itself is not an issue but like. yaoi was literally created out of the fetishization of gay men#by women for the consumption of other women. that is not 'pushing a bias' or what the fuck ever it takes two seconds to confirm that#reclaim the genre! idc! but again ignoring how it started isnt helping anyone#it's very distinct from BL bara and shounen-ai#i have a love hate relationship w yaoi as a genre bc it was a big part of my self discovery journey#and it's not even inherently bad. its just that. AGAIN. you cant ignore its origins in favor of having an aesthetic pair with yuri#ive been researching and learning about this shit since i was a teen#anyway seriously. this is the last im gonna b talking abt this#dont send me shit i am not engaging w it further#this was brought on bc somebody screenshotted tags i left on a post i reblogged but have since deleted#cause again. not doing fucking. yaoi discourse of all things as a fucking grown man lmfao#again. idfc if people create/consume/etc yaoi i literally would just like people to actually be critical of what they consume and#not ignore shit because they cant deal with the reality of how certain genres can come from shitty origins#okay bye <3 back to my regular blogging experience#dont reblog this or screenshot this or whatever this is my post my blog if i could figure out how to turn reblogs off for this post i would#i was able to do it before on the mobile app for other posts but that function apparently just does not exist on the web for me specifically#and i deleted the app a while ago. anyway. k bye
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h0ney8ee · 8 months
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i want to do an etsy shop or a tiktok or something just to bring in some money on the side but literally just dealing with people would not be worth the money :/
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head#like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes#basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said#the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways#and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person.#i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like#that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a#world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl#over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying#whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the#most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk#at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude#so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process#unrelated#i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again#tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months
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STILL HAVING SUCH A NORMAL ONE ABOUT THAT RGGJO BUT NO Y7JO GETTING REALLY GOOD AT HOUSEWORK I SEE THE VISION… I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down…
Because I've always wondered how unprepared Jo would've been going into everything. On one hand, he did leave home really young, but since he was working and Ikumi wasn't, one could argue Ikumi would've been the one to handle the housework at least while they were together.
Inversely, I do kiiind of feel like Jo would've done at least Some Things when he could to ease the burden on Ikumi based on his attempt to comfort her at the station. I'm reading way too much into it but it's notable that, despite him definitely being a smoker and them hoping for a miscarriage, the ashtray in their apartment is spotless.
But we only really see his living situation when he's with Ikumi and don't get to see what--if anything--changes when he's on his own, when he has to do everything and not just Some Things. But with regard to food, if you're in survival mode like that, while it is more economical to make food at home, it would make sense that any quality of cooking would be passable. That's not going to fly with a kid who's lived in the lap of luxury his whole life.
So I've always had a lot of feelings about Jo Bettering Himself for Masato's sake (even when Masato isn't necessarily being reasonable) and his overblown neurosis at the prospect of falling short--the post you mentioned in your tags is Exactly It. But, you know, it's cheesy, but I firmly believe he could do whatever he set his mind to, if he can manage to learn Every Martial Art and become a glorified (and very competent) accountant after dropping out of high school.
Also uhhhhhhhh entire post reminded me of this (びら on Pixiv) that's it that's the ask
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Ok I'm glad we both caught on to Jo's attempt to console Ikumi and the considerably-clean home. Evidently he was probably self-sufficient enough, but nothing extraordinary- just whatever passed as 'suitable' for them, so it's not as though he's going in totally clueless (but certainly not knowledgeable enough to match Masato's extremely-high standards. Bless Arakawa but he definitely spoiled him a little).
Even if it is a 'cheesy' sentiment, Jo very much has proven that so long as it's for Masato, he's willing to do anything and everything no matter how big (joining the yakuza) or small (probably like. learning how to make quiche)
#snap chats#I WANTED TO REPLY TO THIS LAST NIGHT BUT I GOT A BAD STOMACH BUG EW i'm fine now tho :]#ALSO very happy to see you liked the RGGJo i posted- i definitely hoped you would lkarejlvkej#anyway neglected kids usually pick up on how to do basic things for themselves- some dont obvi#but if jo's ready to lay asphalt on the road by 15 then he probably took like. five minutes to learn how to crack an egg for himself#my favorite Lonely Child's meal growing up was simple yakimeshi- def not a hard meal to make so i imagine he can do at least that#but i can just very clearly see in my brain jo just becoming appalled at his son's standards#cause i mean. on the one hand He's Definitely In Great Hands Now but on the other hand Oh God He Was In REAL Great Hands How The Fuck#ah... now i just really wanna do something with this whole topic it's one of my faves cause it amuses me so much#makes me think plenty.. im sure jo felt a great deal of inadequacy when he finally got to see the full of masato's new life#cause surely- in his eyes- he probably never would have been able to give him such a pleasant life how can he live up to this#just more reason to try harder and assimilate into properly that life right#a small unrelated aside tho now that we're talkin bout ikumi i wonder what she would've done if she did get masato back#i mean they really didnt have means to take care of him but still.. i wonder if she misses him#maybe /i/ care too much about ikumi verALKEJ#FINAL NOTE BACK ON TRACK THOUGH pixiv tells me ive seen this post before but i have no memory of it#but thats EXACTLY the vision and its so cute.. that's how it is in my heart#thanks for writin in and indulgin my goofy ass LMAO
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zonie-az · 1 year
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Am getting massively burn out at work and I know am isolating myself and just working going home and sleeping or doing nothing. And I have my trip in 10 days and I know that probably exhausted me and it be nice going on and all.
But Idk I need to stop isolating and shit but idk how and I just am getting more depressed due to it. And I know it's also cause am wearing a mask at work cause everyone been sick and am traveling soon and I want to be responsible. But everyone fucking calls me ma'am when am wearing a mask. And it takes all the wind out of me and makes me shut down and after work I just want to hide and it really isn't good. But am going to go to Florida and wear a mask as well cause I need to be responsible and it's so exhausting cause am sure it's going to be no better there. And I love my platonic soulmate but three people in the conversation pronouns get used more and she knows I love to talk and trys to help but then everyone calls me she and ma'am and it just get worse and worse the long it goes.
And this stupid mask everyone has to use she for no god damn reason. I got so use to he and it been so good and this stupid mask and me trying to be good is putting the stupid dysphoria and shit and it hurts so much and I just want to cry and take it off but am trying so hard to be good. And it's so unfair. And it's really hurting and idk what to do cause I need social interactions and I am just getting hurt now and it's so hard. Am trying to be good but it's so painful and I just am losing it. And the pain makes it so I don't even walk to talk to my friend here or anything cause I just am so exhausted and upset and so am isolating and I don't know how to fix it. And my platonic soulmate won't let me be bad and just say fuck it and take off my mask. I want to so badly it's selfish but I feel like am dying inside and its so stupid and unfair and why fucking why. My platonic soulmate keeps being like you clearly a dude and it doesn't help cause honestly am not. Side burns don't mean anything and I don't show my faces hair and thus people just see my stupid boobs cause even tho am better at hiding them their stupidly big and you can only do so much. I can't do a binder at work or everything. My backs already messed up and I don't want to hurt myself and even outside of work it's hard.
I feel like a stupid baby and it's unfair and I can't even cry and break down like I want to. So I just isolate myself and it just makes things worse and idk what to do at this point.
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shadowtriad · 2 years
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debating how best to completely avoid / block out people irl messaging me about fathers day on Sunday when i need to have my phone on me for a booking. and in general how im going to even survive Sunday
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carnageacorn · 8 days
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#ya boi be fucking around and FINDING OUT.#do yall remember (no) that text post i made back in november saying i am so sexy and fast there will be no rammies from this#anyway high key still dealing with the rammies and next month doesnt look great either REGARDING : the rammies#anyone: oh hey a few times i saw u were dating someone but u dont really ever talk about it#yeah dude because of how good of an idea it was and how its going and the choices ive made and how good its been for my life#that whole thing started in january but it only happened because of my november stuff if ur following along#anyway im single and soon nobody will be living with me and i CANT get into it all its so messy and ive been so silly#getting thru this work day with grit and spite and protein shakes. someday ill be able to stomach food again haha#its just that what would be in my way if i didnt manually create several difficult roadblocks for myself in quick succession#i would have to learn to identify sources of road blocks that are not ME something i have prior to now not had a lot of experience with#(due to that 95% of the roadblocks are placed in advance by me)#anyway lakevida voice if i speak with fewer than 4 layers of metaphor a sniper will shoot me thru my hoop earring so this is all u get#unless u are my sister which none of u are#NOT sure which substances r hanging out in my system in what ratios at this moment due to the sort of choices ive been making in the last48#but my boss is ALSO doing about how i am and we're both like. we left the problems at the DOOR of the BUILDING.#now what we have are the SYMPTOMS of the PROBLEMS and we are going to treat them with MANIC COMPLAINING#its gotten us thru a full hour of work so far but if i make it to lunch without throwing up i think they might throw me a party#anyway expect 4 more of these in the next hour due to the previously referenced substances
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arolesbianism · 8 days
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Horrible realization that if I go through with recollecting all the oni logs then I'll have to actually find out how to get "a seed is planted" like for realsies this time. Maybe I should just cheat them all in actually. <3.
#rat rambles#oni posting#a seed is planted sucks so bad its like my second favorite log and its been such a pain in the fucking ass to find#appearing then dissapearing so thourougly that I thought I might have made it up somehow making me learn to look into the god damn code to#find out if Im crazy or not only to find it along side all the story trait logs despite it being in the research notes section and Then I#open oni again to chech smth completely different and it fucking reapears out of nowhere and then the game updates and all my logs explode#this fucker has tormented me for so long and Ive seen no one else talk abt it so Im still not 100% convinced it wasnt a glitch somehow#it probably is a real log thats in the game and it disappearing is the glitch but boy do I have no way of knowing#if that is the case I can only imagine it relates to it seemingly having been intended as a story trait log#I assume it was moved to research notes because of how long it is but idk#anyways nails you motherfucker why must you have recorded one of the more lore heavy logs in the game and then made it a bitch to find#like genuinely I think its one of like 3 max logs that directly mention duplicants by name#ok ok there might be 4 I dont remember exactly#but two of those would be by jackie and one by probably nikola so nails mentioning them by name is a pretty big deal#and thats if Im remembering those logs correctly which I am likely not lol#its like 3 am ok#a seed is planted also just gives us some juicy lore relating to the actual tech we see in game#along with. that whole unnamed human subject thing. that still haunts me.#who are you subject whatever your number was and are you olivia specifically to spite me#if it wasnt for the b111-1 thing I wouldn't consider her that strong a canidate but it is a thing so she is#not only is she a strong candidate but shes like. one of like 3 real candidates we have for that#it's a weird case because it could very easily be a complete rando especially given the subject number instead of a work id being given#but also given its relation to dupes itd be weird if it wasnt someone who either worked at gravitas or otherwise got duped#which thankfully does free olivia of some possibility since as far as we know there are no olivia dupes lol#jorge and dr.holland are the other two main options in my minds eye but thats based on very little#dr.holland in particular would kind of vaguely make sense given hes mentioned in that story trait's artifact reward#but ofc given that nails does not choose to elaborate on that whole thing all I can do is blindly speculate#they also mention a name which is fun because its one of our rare complete randos in oni lore#now. he could easily be revealed to be some dupe but Im pretty sure the name was like bruce or smth so I dont consider it likely#also I am deeply curious of what this bruce guy was to nails given nails calls him 'my darling bruce'
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angladeofthesea · 5 months
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man trauma is real with how bad it can fuck up ur perception... proud of myself for trying to hold on to objective truth even if my emotions were on panic mode & getting up and keeping myself moving
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happy points are back cuz haHA the times are shitty :)))
finally finished watching bullet train with my sis (i hc lemon as autistic)
i dried up flower petals from the bouquet i got from my friend for my bday! theyre finally dry so im thinking up a journal spread
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mrfoox · 1 year
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Wtf is my fascination with this little freak.... Hes just a dude but I'm so intrigued, I'm tired
#miranda talking shit#Its been two years but i still dont understand him so im guessing thats why#Tbf we didnt become closer until a year ago or something so yeah. But since day one i just felt like it was something with him and now im#Frustrated. Hes literally just a dude. Yet my brain find him so fascinating. I know i in general am very interested in people i like#But this guy man... I think it might be because i can understand him and thus cant predict him? My brain does love a mystery.#I mean i had an fairly intense period of 3-6 months where i was super fascinated by fabian. I still kinda am but now i think#I understand how he works over all so i do not feel the intense need to ask him all kinds of things and analyze? Bc now i have an decent#Idea of how he works. Meanwhile this little freak is almost the opposite of me in everything and i just want to study him. I think in a way#He reminds me of myself at least in the way of 'dealing' with mental problems etc. Or rather my past self. So i want to challenge him to do#It differently. I dont think i have an savior conplex or something when it comes to him bc i do basically not... Tell him to change?#I dont think i could change him. So thats not what my fascination comes from... But holy shit i just want to talk with him about everything#Also probably why i like him that he will answer any questions i ask. No topic has been bad or too weird and i appriciate that in others#But nah. Never been this intrested in someone whos this diffrent than me ever. I always need to have something major in common for a strong#Intrest. But here its like... We are both introverts ... And both social actors/pretenders... Otherwise our similarities are pretty small#I really wish i knew exactly why my brain is so intrested in him . I think its my hyperfixation being activated unfortunately.#Technically he have a lot of things/traits i dont like? But still i dont find him annoying or something?#Many things i dont agree or have the same opinion as him on. But i just find it refreshing ? Maybe its bc i basically havent known anyone#Like him. Hes not the type of person i attract or even put my time into i think. That's why ive told him we'd not be friends if we didn't#Meet this way. I would probably not have wanted to talk to him and i cant see him wanting to talk to me. Especially if we met when younger#No way teen Miranda would not go near him iajdjfjskskd id like to discuss this with him but im scared to scare him and scared to learn#Something bad or him not caring for me or something. I know he doesnt care about many things so id not be suprised but#Fuck this guy. I wamt to obsess over a video game instead where there are wikis to read /:
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