#its no easier on the person doing the breaking up

[star-anise]

are we talking about broke therapists yet?

I've been out of things for a couple of years now, which is why I'm willing to talk about it, and maybe the pandemic has helped things a little, but holy shit the counselling and psychotherapy field is not equipped to help its practitioners in the gig economy.

Of all my interests and talents, I pursued a degree in psychology because being a therapist is supposed to be a safe, stable, well-paid job. Every therapist I met who was registered before 2008 worked and lived under that assumption. And oh boy are all the fee structures--registration, supervision, continuing education, conferences--set up for that scenario.

After getting my Master's, I struggled like hell to get a job. It was especially bad because to get my license, I needed a supervisor to take me on. To take me on, most supervisors wanted me to already have a caseload and client base. To get a caseload and client base, I needed a job.

Friends: Every single job I heard back on wanted me to have my license before I could even land an interview.

Professors and career advisors and professional development specialists all advised me very earnestly to just keep cold-calling people on the supervision list, and it began to feel a lot like my parents' friends telling me to hit the bricks and hand out resumes. That's what worked for them, right?

I finally got a supervisor who agreed to take me on, and I'd be able to use her clinic for advertising and workspace, and we were doing the paperwork to send in with my registration, when she called me up and said, "Is this job going to be your only source of income? If you're trying to depend on getting clients and building your practice for your basic needs, this is not going to work out. This has to be something you're doing on top of a basic salary. Okay, so you're not working anywhere else right now? I'm sorry, I can't move forward with this."

Even once I landed a supervisor and a job building my own private practice, I struggled. I have ADHD and am not great at self-promotion, so trying to do all my own advertising, scheduling, bookkeeping, billing, and records management (on top of counselling) was an enormous strain. One my bosses, supervisors, and other senior professionals watched with a slightly critical eye, but consoled me about because in their early days, their clinics had had business managers, receptionists, filing clerks, and accountants, and getting used to doing everything online yourself was a bit of a learning curve, wasn't it?

I counted my pennies very carefully, because I had to pay my supervisor roughly $180 for their services every 6 hours of in-person counselling I did. This meant that to break even I had to charge my clients an average of about $30 (plus room rental and service fees) an hour--and my clients, being people with complex trauma, were frequently poor, disabled, unemployed, and had no health benefits, so even $10 or $20 a session was a lot for them.

Maybe it would have been easier if I could have taken some of those nice comfortable organization positions where they find clients and funding for you and you work 40 hours a week and get benefits and a pension, but I had to be disabled into the bargain, so working 40 hours a week just isn't possible for me. I start passing out from stress and exhaustion. Older colleagues gave me serious-faced advice about approaching my employer and asking them for some flexibility and accommodation in my schedule, and I tried to explain across the gap between us that employers simply did not hire me if I made the slightest noise about the workload. They weren't going to invest in me as a person; they were hiring 40 units of work a week, and if I wouldn't do it there were a dozen applicants after me who would.

At one point I broke down enough to email my licensing body because the Annual General Meeting/Professional Development Conference was coming up, and I wanted to attend, but I could not produce $500 to do it with. Was there some kind of way I could attend anyway? I felt ashamed to have to ask, and then absolutely mortified when the response came from the organization president, who needed to personally sign off on me being too poor to attend the single most important event in my profession's calendar year.

I honestly felt so ashamed all the time at how I was apparently failing to be a successful therapist, failing to be rich and successful, and every time I mentioned it around mentors and bosses, I could feel myself shrinking from a person to a problem to be solved. My closest therapist-friends and I have reflected on how much more difficult, poorly-paid and underworked, our various career starts have been than we were ever warned about. About the classmates and coworkers who couldn't get disability exceptions when they fell behind in their registration requirements, or burned out and left the field, or dropped their registrations and took up as life coaches, or moved their whole family somewhere exceptionally remote or rural because it was the only good job available, or worked for some godforsaken app skirting the bounds of malpractice like BetterHelp.

I like those conversations, because I feel less like an absolute fuck-up in them. There's less "Hey Lis, you were so talented in grad school, I really admired you, what are you doing now?" "Oh, I, uh... am professionally disabled, so I get government benefits, and I... sell embroidery patterns on Etsy now."

My own therapist kept asking if and when I felt like going back to being a counsellor, and I finally told him: I don't, actually. I don't want to go back and do it like I was doing it before. It was a profession I loved to the depths of my soul, and it profoundly did not love me back. I can't even imagine what would have to change, in me or it, to make it have a space in it that could fit me.

All of which I was way too scared to admit to at the time, because the more I let people know I was struggling, the more they hinted that maybe I just wasn't in a place in my life where this was a job I could do, and I needed to take a little break and wait to come back until money and disability just weren't issues for me anymore.

Eventually my cups of doubt and exhaustion did overflow, and I quit. I'm here now, living a much different life. And at the very least, all my years of helping people in bad life situations set me up perfectly for my own. I already knew what form to fill out for financial assistance, which student clinics to access for mental health support, and which government agency would, if pressed, cough out pharmacy coverage for the genuinely destitute. It gave me that much.

I hope this is just me being in extraordinary circumstances, sitting at the intersections of a few different shitty life situations that most people skip right past. Because it's on one level comforting, but another deeply infuriating, if I'm not, and I've just missed it or we've just all been too afraid to admit it to each other.

#staranise original #therapisting

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #im like so happy rn. but also terrified #bc like. uh. gotta go back to the real world of having a job after bein in school for 3 years DNDNJDNDNDNDN #and also like. my boy problem. like NDJFJDJDJJDJDJDJD #big transitions oml #i can only do 1 thing at once and like so sorry to me but the job search thing is kinda taking a back seat NFNDDJFN #OH I HATE TO SAY IT. AS LIKE. A USUALLY CAREER DRIVEN PERSON BUT.................. #JDJDJDJDJDJDDDJDNDNDNDNDND I CANT EVEN SAY IT............ #but rn ya. my priorities.... im ashamed NDNNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNNDDNDND #but.... HHHHHHHHHHH its the more fun thing so !!!!!!!!! #but gah..... i also am like takin a break bc its like christmas n who the fuck is looking to hire rn lmao #the time between xmas n new years isnt real so !!!! #and also !!! i think i deserve a break after 4 months of non stop work !!!!!!!!!! #also like the faster i resolve my boy problem the easier itll be to focus #on job searching ????? #or like god i guess i could do both. my mom keeps being like.... youre both looking for jobs... why dont you ask him to do it together NDN #um.... 1. hes my competition LMAO. we literally had the same gpa down to the decimal #(tho this may no longer be the case bc we got our grades for the semester n mine went up. idk the state of his. would be fuckin funny if it #was still the same tho JDJDJFJDJ) #and 2..... LOL ID RATHER DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE WITH HIM........ #god idk where this post is going. but 1. i wished him merry christmas and he answered back with a 'merry christmas 😄' which !!!@@@ #from a reserved/grumpyish guy...... im just kind of like NDNNDNDNDNDND IDK. IDKKKKK. LIKE IM HAPPY ???? BUT IM ALSO LIKE FREAKED OUT ?????? #i dont think i'll be able to deal if he actually likes me back #and 2. i like have a draft message of like. asking him to hang out JJDJDJDNDNDM #if youve been following these posts.. maybe u remember me askin him if he wants to keep in touch with me n our mutual friend and he said #he would. so that friend is like. going away for a month and like ok lets be real. if i have to wait until feb to see him i'll um Die JDJJD #so i have a message planned. IDK WHEN IM GONNA SEND IT. BUT IT WILLLL GET SENT. I JUST.... HHHHHHH I HAVE TO GET THE NERVE.... #but .... ya idk i hope he says yes but i'll also get if he says no. may be awks just the two of us. maybe we're not ready LMAO IDK. ive bee #alone with him maybe like. 30 mins max. and like the convo keeps going but there are pauses. IDK. maybe i should stop thinking and go to be

[monsterbisexual]

i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///

#p #id feel double standard-y shame (my favvvvv) abt it anyway #but its like. i took the elevator up to the break room just now n it always feels like everyones watching me do it #n judging or smth. like ya im also not in shape n thats like my fault etc n that would help these things be easier too #like especially on days ive worked i dont wanna go w ppl walkin the dog cuz im in a lotta pain #n w all of this i feel like a lazy piece of shittt which. like i said..id never think abt anyone else #even another person who isnt thin #or in shape etc #anyway. on lunch break now when theres lots to do (we have more ppl now at least tho) #n i feel like im such a loser cuz i rly needed to sit+rest n eat #also for my brain cuz i get overwhelmed n weird anyway but. -___- i gotta get over itttt fuck offfffff #i feel enough dumb bad stuff abt not doing 'Enough' but adding this makes it feel worse bleh #im big into shame idk ! #working (sorta. its not rly working akdhdj) on not feeling negative n bad abt the word fat #i wouldnt randomly call someone that irl or anything #but i know ppl on here are wanting it to be more normalized n that its not an inherently bad thing/word #but. :((( #not another good word for it so yknow w/e #ok im gonna try to stop pity partying thru a break #especially when ill have less than an hourrrrr after this yay

[dragqueenpentheus]

do i actually want to date someone or am i just crushed by loneliness and want someone to prove it isn't too much work to love me???? more @ eleven

#the thought of setting up a dating profile makes me want to throw up. like for real zero exaggeration i start having Problems. #but sitting in this apartment without anyone breaks my heart #buried in the basement of elmwood avenue #i want to do things for people i want to go places w people #i want to have a person i tell things to #at the same time this heat has been turning me into a fucking Beast of a person #i get so hot and overwhelmed and frustrated over the smallest things and it makes me feel like. toxic to inhale. #i talked to deb a lot this week about how. like. i know love is real. i feel love for people in my life! #but 24/7 romantic love seems. like such insane effort. on everyones part. #fuck bro i just. need to figure out casual friends #talking to people terrifies me. trusting people terrifies me. its so much easier to burrow deep in the soils with the bugs #there's people i miss and who i want to talk to more and who i want to spend more time with but holy fuck #imitating has gotten so insanely hard #i've been trying to call my own grandfather back for five days #lays down. i HAVE to stop watching 90s rom-coms. #this happens every time #irl #personal #DEEPLY personal lmfao..... #one day i'll have faith in myself anf others and trust people to love me maybe. for now. i'll make some strawberry syrup maybe. #i'm still not over that big fucking bug though so no kitchen activities for awhile

[themagnificentmx]

sigh . i wish being a better person came naturally to me

#my mom was talking to me abt how im gonna move out soon #and how i dont think abt other people on my own/am instinctively v self-centered #she's not wrong either #like . yes i realize that im naturally kind of a dick and i've been trying to work on it #i really wish it came naturally to me though #just . i have to be super conscious of what seems to come so easily for everyone else ?? #it sucks bc it's def affected how i make/break relationships #i wish i was easier to be around #its not like im not Trying #but everyone around me keeps saying im not doing enough #i literally do not know how to start being a better person #i have been making it up as i go #i promise im trying so hard :/ #i feel like it doesn't get acknowledged #which it shouldnt!! bc it's the bare fucking minimum #but . i want the effort i put in to at least get noticed yk #D.vents #tang rant

[snekdood]

I do kinda think peoples reaction to thinking i prevented my ex from Being Whatever They Want and then trying to exclude me entirely from the things i identify with- like... How is that okay in any capacity? If you did this in regard to my trans identity, would it still be okay? Why is it okay with the rest of the ways i identify too? I never stopped them from being anything anyways, i just didnt want to date someone who was mirroring me so fucking much, goddamn, i was okay with being their friend still, why is that so hard to understand. Sorry i dont wanna fuck someone whos pretending to be my clone, almost in an effort to mock me..?

#some of yall are genuinely bad people. like you do need to digest that fact. #all of this based on a rumor. and again i state like ive stated a million times. what will you do when you find out theyre the abuser? #are you gonna try to apolgozie to me for trying to run me off the internet ostracize and bully me? #or are you gonna come up with a million justifications for why your behavior was fine even though you didnt know? #like maybe. just maybe. in situations where you dont know the truth of the situation. maybe. just dont act on the impulse to hurt #someone because you really really want to believe the other person you like more is telling the truth. idk. just an idea. #because i dont think yall are capable of the self introspection right now to realize how fucking abusive your behavior has been. #JUST because its directed at mem suddenly its totally fine. lets not think about the possibility snake could be telling the truth too. #nawww... the guy who identifies as a snake and looks like a disney villain? im totally not allowing my subconscious biases navigate the #way i treat people in this situation. boy do i love my angel looking boys. #me* not mem lol #surely my culturally christian upbringing isnt playing a part in any of this. #anyways. i never went out of my way to invalidate them but ik believing that would make their narrative crumble for you. #i knew what i wanted. they knew what i wanted. they pretended to be what i wanted. when we got comfortable and i got used to #them being that way theyd start to morph back into who they really are. i dont like who they really are. id try to break up woth them. #theyd beg me to stay. id give them another chance and once again they start acting like the person i wanted to be with. rinse and repeat. #that was the entire relationship. i tried breaking up with them so many times but they were too ig dependant on me #and didnt want me to leave bc ig they thought if i wasnt dating them that id just abandon them and never help them with anything. #i do think its more they knew they could manipulate me easier if we were together and they pretended to be what i wanted. #thats what happened and im sorry you cant accept the truth of who your fave is and what theyre like my dude. #me not liking who they really are has nothing to do with their transness. sure. who they really are is more masc than what i wanted. #but kre than that. who they really were was kinda just a skeevy selfish shitty person who thinks really highly of themselves. #and i just didnt dig that man. not sure what to tell you. #should i have put my foot down and left anyways? yes. and i did. but i knew that when i did break up with them they would turn on me. #like they did. and stabbed me in the back a million times. hoping id hate being alive enough bc of the ostracism to kill myself. #then thered be no one to criticize them for their actions or abusive behavior anymore. #but yeah idc. im not going anywhere. you're gonna tell the truth or put up with my existence. those are your options. #anyways i dont think the progressive solution to you believing i prevented them from being things is to prevent me also from #being things. like how does that help when you just spread the supposed pain.... not to mention it was more of a seed you planted #rather than a plant that was already growing

[hyperexplosion]

.

#vent just ignore thank you #feeling of last night never left i have to do so much soon but i am tempted to stay home #i just do not want to live anymore so easy to say but i will go just so im not alone ig #god i hope it gets easier when i find out whats up with me abd id tell people but i feel like #i make things awkward? uncomfortable? i dont know or they tell me call someone #or people avoid thinking i want to be alone id take another break but i only felt worse i just wish i had more friends #or could make more friends but i get uncomfortable i get anxious i immediately unfriend or ignore them #its rude ik it is im not A good person #i gotta go

[astrxealis]

my tita's taste in video game characters is so silly i love it

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #uhh i am more aerith but she is more tifa #and she likes therion and so do i #and. that's mostly it i know. sobs! uhh she's doing black eagles route bcs she knows stuff from online a bit #but i know she likes dimitri. haha. she literally said herself she likes pretty boys... me too..... #raghh i need to do homework asap when i get home. tbh i'm not stressed. i'm good #i just need to do stuff asap is the thing! but break is so soon... happy #really excited for our lil trip vacation early april. + prom. fkbskdbsjd #gay friend of my other tita who is in the U.S. is coming too n apprently uhh he is Nice #a normal guy who happens to be gay. smth like that. but hes the only gay guy adult i really know #thats close to my. family? somewhat? just my tita but my other tita and lola have met him and hes nice #i am excited to meet him bcs as a lgbtq person. JDHSJDNS YEAH..... also american so mhm i am very curious #not in a weird way okay. just really really curious as it is in my nature to be very curious. yeah #im also very nervous tho haha i really am not good with talking to people i do not know!!! too quiet too shy #ive gotten better tho? mostly bcs im a lil energetic usually n jumpy n just myself. so its been a bit easier #idm being the one to speak up for me and lune or whatever now uhh b4 i used to be really annoyed it was usually me #but it is Fine. teehee also RAGHHHHHHHHH YOU KNOW i love going outside tbh every sunday uhh #i do not want to Go Home early but gotta feed stray cats which is >>> to malls. so yeah #sooooooooooooo. idk. bye! #going to finish homework asap. funny i've done a lot of the few left but they're due like. uh. nah nvm actually #havent worked on that one due tmrw lol but ive done the easier ones mostly. oops! i gotta improve with that still #and a lot of stuff. getting there <3

[pizzapizzadickz]

Ah~~~ what to do~~

#diary #personal #mn. i just. cant keep up with life. i cant keep on top of it. at all. #i cant just ignore everything and have fun either. #god. i wish i could just give up on everything and do the things i want. but i cant bc its wasting time #but i just waste time anyways. #and like. im not suicidal anymore so i cant use that as an escape. so now im just stuck here wasting away #idk. life would just be easier if i didnt make all these arbitrary rules and i didnt have to like. keep up with everything. #im just exhausted and idk what to do bc i cant do anything to begin with. #its so much easier when you can take a break and just. not exist or something. #idk. anything is better than this crap. im tired.

[rizsu]

the husband and his type of style jujutsu kaisen ⭒ fem-reader.

⤹ list ﹢ nanami kento, toji fushiguro, gojo satoru, choso.

﹙ syn ﹚ headcanons — as husbands, they all have their own unique characteristic.

+ love ‘su: “i thought you hated cho—” 🔇🔇🔇

NANAMI KENTO : the “get dressed” husband.

nanami's a man of his word. you want to eat out for dinner? get dressed by 7:00 p.m. you feel like doing a random grocery run? be ready by lunch, he'll come pick you up.

to nanami, nothing is more important than his wife's wants. having necessary items serve their purpose, obviously, but who doesn't like having their wants satisfied? he can never be one to hold you back from it.

happy wife, happy life. the motto he worships. as a man of tradition, he'd take a sick leave from his job if you wanted extra attention. a spoiler to the bone. whatever you want, just say the word and he'll tell you when to get ready.

TOJI FUSHIGURO : the “i'll make it” husband.

the king of craft. toji not only serves as eye candy for your eyes only, he also serves as your person handyman! whether it's to make, break, fix, or repair, he'll have the job done in no time. give him two hours, a beer, and a hammer.

to be loved is to be seen. for toji, he knows when you wish for something to be added to make daily activity easier. since you often crave snacks during the night, he reworked the nightstand's drawers into a small pantry filled with snacks.

sometimes you like to continue watching your show despite what you're doing. with this in mind, his new project is to either make a space into the shower wall where you can safely place your phone, or make a table for the bathtub when you're relaxing.

GOJO SATORU : the “don't you dare throw that away” husband.

a hoarder. most of the time, the items that gojo's been piling up in his studio are things that no longer serve him any purpose nor value. he simply doesn't feel like trashing it.

he'd run up the excuses that it's there for nostalgia, but if you ask him where or who the object came from, he'd be unable to answer. many times this led to unnecessary arguments. there was a time it got bad to the point he'd place the objects around the house out of pettiness.

this downside has its upside. with his hoarder mentality, you're guaranteed to find something you swore to the heavens you lost. there is always good in bad!

CHOSO : the “i miss my wife” husband.

doing grocery runs alone? he misses his wife. seeing a couple holding hands? he misses his wife. someone holding something that's enjoyed or liked by you? he misses his wife.

it's gotten to the point where if he's ever invited to a boys' night, the sentence “i miss my wife” is banned. if he says it he'll have to clean everyone's vehicle. to them, it's annoying. to you, it's peak husbandnity.

choso depends on you as much as you depend on him. oftentimes he needs a moment alone and you're always there to hold his hand. he's gotten used to such behaviour, so when he's set apart from you, the “i miss my wife” gets wicked.

#+ rizsu: jujutsu kaisen. #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami x reader #toji x reader #gojo x reader #choso x reader #jjk fluff #jjk headcanons #jjk x you #nanami kento fluff #nanami x you #toji x you #toji fushiguro fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru fluff #choso fluff #nanami headcanons #toji headcanons #gojo headcanons #choso headcanons #jjk x fem!reader

[kcrossvine-art]

Hi fellow adventurers!! A few weeks ago i caught wind of "Delicious in Dungeon". I'm not really an anime person, but I am a TTRPG, CRPG, and cooking person- . And holy shit. It is so good i  convinced my partner to binge read the whole thing. I'm caught up on dungeon meshi, the anime, and just yesterday i also finished dungeon meshi, the manga.

Its rare to come across a serialized story that is so thematically cohesive and knows its characters so well. All of the bonus content like the artbooks and monster tidbits are just the icing on top.

So, inspired by Ryōko Kui's writing and illustration I'm going to attempt to create a recipe for every single Delicious in Dungeon recipe!-

Today that means Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot is on the menu!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot?” YOU MIGHT ASKThis is one of the pricier dishes until we get to the kelpies and dragons of the menu-

Rock lobster tail

Porcini mushrooms

Shiitake mushrooms

Snow fungus

Small potatos

Fensi (glass noodles)

Water

OPTIONAL: your choice of dipping sauces

There was a crossover/promotional event in Shibuya which featured various realworld dishes from the series. They had one for Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom, but they used prawns.  while those cook better in a hotpot, they also didn't look enough like the scorpion for me, they also used udon noodles for the slime and a seaweed/kale(?) mixture for the algae. If you're looking for substitutes due to price or availability i would start with those ingredients.

AND, “what does a Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKI hope Senshi would forgive me for technically cooking the lobster outside the pot, once he tastes it.

Okay im always partial to veggies but wowowowowowowoowowowow the snow fungus and the mushrooms tasted soooooooooooo good in the lobster stock

A nice delicate layering of different flavors

Try to get a bite with the lobster meat and shiitake together, dip in butter then chili- trust me

Its up to you what texture you prefer if you want to put the noodles in at the end or put them in halfway through the meal. Either way dont go for eating those first as theyre very filling

I think this would pair well with a citrus drink, something light and clarifying

This would also pair well with being extremely high and hungry (if you feel safe cooking while inebriated lol) very calorically dense

For the trial run I did one lobster tail in the pot with everything else, and one lobster tail off to the side to be picked apart. The former is more in spirit with a hotpot, but it got rubbery as the meal went on and lost its nice taste. The latter may be a bit more work but all you have to do still is boil it and set it aside. I found it held up much better. It was also easier to get inside the shell.

. If you have hardshell maine lobster available, i think it would be superior to rock lobster (keep in mind crustaceans will get rubbery if cooked too long in the pot) . Green onions and/or lotus root would make excellent additions

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From getting the ingredients out to sitting down and eating, id say it took maybe 30 minutes max? It'd vary on how fast you can prep vegetables and get the various implements heated.

Hotpots are not something i do very often as i'm usually just feeding myself. I think thats why a hotpot makes perfect sense to start the series off. If you want to set the tone of "take care of yourself, eat food with others, and use what you have" (generally speaking) there is nothing more simplistic, flexible, and defeats-the-purpose-if-you-eat-it-alone than a hotpot. Gather around and let your friends bring ingredients to the pot if you want to fill your heart up extra full <3

I'm doing something different here because unlike previous recipes where i used a bunch of different sources and made my own recipe out of hodge-podging it, or just used another persons recipe entirely if they did it really well, i made this more whole-cloth based off of what i had available, what I could discover through research, and my existing knowledge. Instead of the recipe being 50/50 original, this one is more 20/80. So. I'll pass the final verdict off to you guys :D 

What would you rate this recipe out of 10? (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Did you love it, did you hate it? What're your thoughts on what I could do different, and what would you have done instead?

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 Rock lobster tails

3 Porcini mushrooms

2 Shiitake mushrooms

Snow fungus (a good handful, should rehydrate in the hotpot)

2 Small waxy potatos

Fensi (glass noodles)

Water/lobster stock

Method:

Lightly rinse all of your vegetables beforehand and let them dry.

Vertically slice the porcini mushrooms. Cut off and dice the stems of the shiitake mushrooms. You can slice the tops if youd like.

Peel and cube the potatoes, roughly an inch each.

For the lobster tails; Boil a pot of salted water. Keep the shell on. Weigh the largest tail and add 1 minute of cooking time for every ounce of weight.

When done, strain the lobster from the water. Pour the water into your hotpot as the base. Serve the lobster on the side so people can pick the meat out to dip into the hotpot.

Bring the hotpot to a simmer. Add the potato cubes, snow fungus, mushrooms, and noodles.

OPTIONAL: this wasnt in the show, but its fun having sauces on the side :) i had oyster sauce, dry seasoned chili dip, melted butter, and soy sauce available

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #cooking #digital art

[after-witch]

Title: Are You There, God? It's Me [Yandere Feitan x Reader]

Title: Are You There, God? It's Me [Yandere Feitan x Reader]

Synopsis: You've been held captive by Feitan for months--you're long-since used to seeing blood. But it's the blood from your first period since you've been taken that has you feeling sick.

Word count: 2671

notes: yandere, kidnapped reader, descriptions of wounds and violence, mentions of previous physical abuse, reader gets their period

Over the past few months, you’ve seen a lot of blood. You’ve seen clotted blood on festering wounds; fresh blood seeping from underneath knives and nails; spatters of blood on the walls from the sudden trauma of severed limbs, fingers, toes. 

Over time, your stomach has stopped rebelling at the sight of it. Not that it gets easier to see, but it has gotten easier to stomach. Maybe your body refuses to give up the few nutrients that do make their way down your gullet, thanks to Feitan’s dislike of cooking and unwillingness to provide you with a basic grocery stock to work from. Frozen dinners only go so far. 

Whatever the reason, you’re rarely physically ill anymore when Feitan drags you to the basement and makes you watch him torture people. For information, or for fun, or sometimes both in equal measure. Emotionally, mentally, socially, psychologically ill is another thing entirely…

But here, now, in the quiet upstairs bathroom, the sight of your period blood smeared on your underwear has you ready to hurl. Your guts seize together and you wonder how quickly you’d be able to clean the toilet, should vomit make its way out of your throat. 

Your period is… back. 

It’s been a while. A few months. Stress had stolen it away, and you hadn’t thought much about it. You remembered when your dad died years ago--you hadn’t gotten your period for maybe 4 months, then. So it was no wonder that being kidnapped by some crazed serial killer who could turn his nails into knives seemingly at whim might throw your body’s organic clock all out of sorts.

But here, now, in the same damned quiet upstairs bathroom where you sometimes retreat to cry into towels, it’s back. 

What are you supposed to do?

Your first thought was to search the bathroom for period supplies, but of course, there were none. Not a single pad or tampon. 

(The sick thought occurs to you: even if one of Feitan’s victims survived long enough to get their period, it’s not like he’d be letting them take a break to put on a pad...)

No pads. No tampons. Certainly nothing as innovative as a cup.

So you’ve made do with the old standby: folding as much toilet paper as humanly possible and sticking it in your underwear. But you know it won’t last long. It’s meant to be a temporary stopgap on the way home from work or school, or until you can run out to the shop to grab a fresh box.

You can’t just run out to the shop. You can’t go anywhere. Not even outside, not even for a minute. You’re not even meant to freely ask for things; asking for anything--some fresh vegetables, a blanket that’s actually warm, new underwear--is a grueling, draining task that you often prep days in advance. 

And he doesn’t always say yes.

And this? This? No. There’s no way. You are not going to waltz up to your kidnapper and tell him that you’ve started something so personal and intimate. Humiliation doesn’t begin to describe the act. You want to fold up like a piece of paper and blow into the wind whenever you recall the conversation you were forced to have regarding new underwear made from 100% cotton--

Why? He’d asked. And you’d said it was more comfortable. He snorted. And you were worried that he might not think it was  important, so you had to explain that your body reacted poorly to anything less than 100% cotton. And he’d asked, simply: What do you mean? And you’d had to actually explain, voice mumbled and face blazing hot from shame, that you get irritated down there by other fabrics.

You can’t go through that again. For heaven’s sake--you’d have to tell him what sort of supplies you’d need! Did he even know the difference between a pad and a tampon? What if he asked why you needed an overnight pad versus a normal one? 

And there’s other things to consider. The dull ache in your lower stomach… he does have painkillers, but he’s only doled them out for serious things (your broken wrist, for slapping him--and the time you slipped on the stairs and hurt your back; you’re not allowed to walk up or down them on your own, anymore).

A heating pad would be nice. And a body pillow to put between your legs and curl up with. But to get them, you’ll have to ask Feitan. Ask him properly, the right way, at the right time. 

And he’d have questions, wouldn’t he? 

He’d want to know why you need a heating pad (“Because my uterus feels like it’s being clawed out, goddamn it!” would probably not fly) and who knows, maybe he’d tell you to just suck it up and you’d have to deal with the humiliation of being rejected on top of the shame of him knowing you’re bleeding from your most private of parts and--

No

No.

It’s not happening. You aren’t going to tell him, and that is that. You’ll do what you can to get through it--just a few days, that’s all, you used to have to sit through school without pain meds and heating pads and sure it sucked but you lived--and you’ll soldier on like you’ve done thus far. 

You sigh, and carefully flush the proof of your period--toilet paper and blood tinged urine--down the toilet. You’ll have to be careful about where you sit, and how you sit, lest you accidentally stain the sofa or the dining room chair. 

Then the thought comes to you, almost a buzz in your head--

Oh, fuck… what if it leaks on the bed when you sleep? Feitan would know. Feitan would see. You’d have to ask him for cleaning supplies or get caught dragging the sheet to the bathroom or… or…

No, that couldn’t happen. You’d do something. You’d--yes! The solution is simple. Easy as pie. 

You wouldn’t still be sane without quick thinking, so you nab a few towels from the back of the bathroom closet, shove them under your shirt like you used to mimic pregnancy as a child with an overactive imagination and a tendency for dramatic imaginative play times, and prepare to scamper to your bedroom and hide them until night falls.

You’d make a barrier, that’s what you’d do. Simple, easy. Effective. And Feitan never had to know.  

Feitan rarely bothered with you in the evening, anyway--he was too busy with his work. 

It was a perfect plan.

--

It was not a perfect plan.

Everything was going fine. You’d draped a cardigan around your waist in the afternoon when Feitan insisted you watch a film together, although as usual he didn’t sit on the same sofa as you, and simply stared at you now and then from his vantage point on the chair. The same cardigan had come in handy at dinner.

No leaks. No stains. And you’d pushed through the pain and discomfort of your cramps, all the while practicing pretending that something you ate wasn’t sitting well with you, if Feitan had noticed. 

He didn’t.

All you had to do was get to bed, make your barrier, and cover up with the blanket just in case it was one of the nights that Feitan came into your room in the middle of the night to stare at you like some sort of creepy owl. (Did he know you knew, or did he like to think you were unawares)

That’s it.

Simple enough.

Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

Right?

Wrong.

Because as soon as you’d finished smoothing out the second towel on top of the sheets, Feitan walked through the doorway to your bedroom.

Where he stands, now, staring at you with a look of false passivity.

“Why,” he asks, in a voice so mild that you know it means he’s absolutely invested in an answer, “you have towels on the bed?”

You’d come up with excuses for cramps; you’d even dabbled with pretending that you’d scratched your thigh or something, if you happened to bleed onto the sofa.

Feitan never really came into your room while you prepared for bed, so the thought of an excuse here never entered your mind. And now your mind whirled for an answer, coming up blank.

“I, uh,” you say, plopping yourself down on the towel as if covering it up with your body would somehow erase his memory. “I was… cold?” You offer, not even believing an ounce of your own life.

Feitan’s expression doesn’t change.

“Why?” The question leaves room for no excuses, no lies, nothing but the truth. There’s an ‘or else’ in his tone that you don’t care to uncover. 

This is sick. This is wrong. This is so unfair.

“I’monmyperiod.” You rush out the words, staring down at your thighs, cheeks so hot you’re sure the temperature in the room has raised by a few degrees.

“Slower.”

You could cry. You might, actually, you feel the pressure of tears building behind your eyes.

“I’m. on. My. Period.” The words come out behind gritted teeth.

You hear a sound you’ve never actually heard from Feitan before: a short, stuttered intake of breath. A surprised, involuntarily, clipped little noise of confusion.

It makes you look up, unable to process what you’ve just heard without seeing it. But what you see is even more confusing: 

Feitan is blushing.

Oh, just a little. Just the tiniest amount of ruddiness on his cheeks. If you were one of his victims or some random person on the street, you wouldn’t notice. But you notice all of Feitan’s little expressions, the nuances of his body language. The difference between how far he raises his eyebrows at you can mean the difference between pain and mild discomfort. 

So yes, you notice this slight ruddiness on his cheeks, and your brain whirs pathetically, trying to process what it means. 

He sees you staring. His hand reaches up to his cheek, and he must realize it--

Because then he yanks his cowl up and turns sideways, leaning against the door frame in a nonchalant way that now seems painfully practiced.

He says nothing for a moment. Your heart thuds the entire time.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet and--you could swear--shy. Awkward. Like he doesn’t want to bring it up. It’s a strange reversal--normally you’re the one who’s left quietly murmuring. 

“You need… lady things?”

Oh, this must be how you die. 

It won’t be from breaking your neck on the stairs or from Feitan getting bored of you and slashing your throat. It will be from sitting on a towel-strewn bed in front of your secretly blushing captor as he asks you what type of feminine hygiene products you need. 

You must not answer fast enough, because he jerks his head towards you. 

“Well?” 

He looks just as uncomfortable as you feel--it almost makes you feel slightly better. At least he’s not lording it over you. He’s never passed up a chance to make you feel degraded, but even this must be too much for him.

It gives you the push you need to speak, although your voice practically chokes on the words.

“Um. I need. Some pads? Over--overnight ones, because I tend to bleed a lot--” Your eyes shut for a fraction longer than normal, why did you tell him that, for fuck’s sake. “And--” Your voice cracks. “And maybe… if it’s not too much trouble, a heating pad?”

He shifts his position against the door frame. You wonder if he’s making a mental list. The thought of Feitan waltzing into some supermarket with a paper list that says “overnight pads” is too ludicrous to consider for long.

‘”Heating pad? What for?”

The sound you make can only be described as a short, painful keening groan. It’s not the cramps that hurt--it’s the humiliation. 

“For cramps,” you say quickly. “Mine get really bad. They were um, pretty bad today, but--”

“Idiot.” Ah, there’s the Feitan you recognize. “Why not say something?”

The towel underneath your fingers isn’t very soft, but you scrunch the fabric up underneath them anyway. “I didn’t want... I mean… I thought that…” 

And then that soft pressure behind your eyes builds from frustration, from the embarrassment, from the fact that you’re being held captive and on top of the many awful things you’ve experienced over the past however-many-months, you’re now having a discussion about your intimate period with someone who seems to delight in tormenting you.

The first sniffle is easily hidden. But not the second, or the third. And by the time your lower jaw is quivering and the tears are spilling down your cheeks, you can only lean forward and cry pathetically into your hands.

You hate this. You hate being here. You hate your period, you hate Feitan, you hate the fact that you can’t just go into the bathroom and slap a pad on your underwear. You hate this bed and these towels and the clothes you’re wearing. You hate everything.

“Fine.”

His clipped, sudden word doesn’t make you stop crying. But it does give you a pause, and you swallow down against your tight throat and look at him through sniffling tears. “Huh?”

“I get you heating pad.” He flicks his hand at you, like he’s shooing away an annoying pet dog. “Go to bed. You need more sleep now.” 

You do stop crying then, if only because your brain isn’t sure how else to react. Your mouth hangs open a little as you curl up on the bed--a nap would be nice--and grab an extra pillow to shove against your stomach. 

Feitan, for his part, snorts and leaves your doorway. You expect him to go into the basement, but instead you hear him putting on his boots, grabbing things from the foyer. He’s going out? Now?

All the while, he’s mumbling to himself. You only catch a few of the words--women, hormones among them--before he leaves. The door’s lock seems louder than ever and you clutch the pillow harder. 

Later, you’re yanked out of a fuzzy dream when something both soft and hard lands with a thunk against your head, and your bedroom light is flicked on.

It takes you a few moments to get your bearings.

There’s something draped against you. You blink and hold it up. It’s a heating pad, the plug-in kind with a remote control and everything. 

Feitan is standing in your doorway, holding a large sack. 

When he sees that you’re at least vaguely awake and aware, he turns it over and dumps the contents on the floor. It’s about 20 boxes of overnight pads--a few different brands. He must have stolen half the shelf. 

He regards you with a pleased expression that’s only half-hidden by his cowl. But you’d know his expression of self-serving pride at a job well done anywhere; you’ve seen it enough times when he’s tortured information out of someone. 

“Well? This enough for the month?”

The choked sound that comes out of your throat might have had a laugh in it somewhere, but you hope he doesn’t hear it. You get the sense that laughing about this would actually bother him more than anything you’ve done lately.

So instead you nod, slowly, and unfold the heating pad so that you can plug it in somewhere. Since you’ll probably be up for a while, it would be okay to ease your cramps a bit before morning. 

But when you look up… Feitan is still there, standing in the doorway.

He looks expectant, like you’ve forgotten something you’re supposed to do, but what--

Oh.

“Thank you, Feitan,” you murmur, swallowing hard, staring down at your lap as the sleep-induced grogginess begins to fade away from your brain.  

He hums, then looks down at the pile of boxes he dumped on the floor. 

“Put these away. Don’t want you tripping on them. Clumsy.” 

For once, you don’t mind the insult. 

It’s better to be back on familiar territory. 

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere feitan #yandere feitan porter #yandere #afterwitch writes

[luciddownloading]

12th House Placements and Backlash

Part of why people can be so hesitant to express their 12th House energy is that, in its most direct or purest form, it often attracts negative energy. On some conscious or subconscious level, we know that and can seriously fear it. These reactions are part of the whole "hidden enemy" thing with the 12th House, in that it's a part of you that people can judge, reject, criticize or project on without you understanding why. It should be stated that you're NOT doing anything wrong by expressing your 12th House. And since 12th House people are so sensitive, this can cause you to overinflate the negativity you do receive. You are still definitely loved and valued. However, if you want to avoid unnecessary pain and suffering (another 12th House concept), it's easier to find other ways to go about expressing it. This grants us that transcendence this part of the birth chart promises; a deliverance from confusion and sorrow to acceptance and peace.

SUN IN THE 12TH HOUSE

Those with a 12th House Sun get backlash for, unfortunately, just being themselves. It's like they breathe and people have something critical to say. For some, they may be way "too much" and, for others, they are seen as holding back or not giving enough. It feels as if the approval of others is only earned by jumping through rings of fire and even that may not be satisfactory. 12th House Sun people eventually learn to cope with this by creating some sort of persona to protect themselves, much more than the average person. VERY few people will get a glimpse at the "real them" behind the character they've created. As a result, these people are either super-private and shy or deceptively big personalities who others don't know nearly as well as they believe they do. Though this can be isolating, it can eventually allow them to understand the profound importance of real intimacy and how special it is to let that rare, deeply trusted person truly see you.

MOON IN THE 12TH HOUSE

12th House Moons rarely get the sympathy they truly deserve, especially from family and close friends, who may love them dearly but have a dysfunctional way of using this individual to more so meet their needs or cater to their feelings. Those with this placement can bottle up a lot and when they finally do express their emotions, they get labeled whiny, needy, crazy or any negative stereotype of their Moon sign. What these people have to realize is that they, regardless of gender, are the motherly figures to most around them, not vice versa (including their own mothers, in some cases). A Mom shouldn't expect their child to understand their feelings. But, they also MUST take regular breaks from caring for others for self-care as well as to be supported by their inner circle. It's crucial that they find a nurturing partner and emotionally mature friends who they can consistently lean on. They learn that they can't trust many to truly be there for them. So these bonds are incredibly valuable and often lifelong.

MERCURY IN THE 12TH HOUSE

It's hard for Mercury in the 12th House people to get others to truly listen to them. Many of them are told they're too quiet or made to feel intellectually inferior. Others may get the opposite: that they never shut up, that they're too smart for their own good. Either way, people often respond to their perfectly good ideas and sensible insights with silence or willful ignorance. They eventually have to learn that they are here to merely act as channels for information. They are the messengers (some are gifted channelers or mediums) and that can come with the threat of getting metaphorically shot. But, it's important to not take it personally. They can also serve as voices for those who need encouragement or are too scared to speak up. People are often more receptive to the 12th House Mercury person when they're "speaking out" for a cause or something bigger than themselves. Their ideas can be seen as distracting or out there yet expressing opinions that are socially aware or will help others gets more people on board with what they're saying.

VENUS IN THE 12TH HOUSE

Venus in the 12th House people can deal with a lot of resistance in terms of other people's reactions to their love lives. This varies, though, depending on their gender expression. Those with this placement who are more feminine are routinely put on a pedestal. Few people are seen as being "good enough" for them, especially since they often have many obsessive admirers. So they make many choices in romantic partners that are deemed controversial, even if they're actually not so bad. On the flip side, those who are more masculine often are the controversial choice in love. They can be "unconventionally attractive" yet seem to pull mates who are incredibly desirable, inspiring a lot of jealousy. Either way, much of the criticism has a way of dying down if the person a) realizes what people think of their love life is irrelevant and b) takes measures to protect their relationship with enough privacy. You don't have to prove to anyone how happy of a couple you are. And not everybody is going to be genuinely happy for a thriving couple anyway.

MARS IN THE 12TH HOUSE

It can seem as if it's impossible for a 12th House Mars person to fight back. Not necessarily because they're incapable of it but because they get a lot of pushback whenever they do. Again, this can differ depending on the person's gender expression. If they are more masculine, their well-deserved moments of assertiveness and understandable anger can cause them to be labeled rude, a bully, a mean girl/boy. If they are more feminine, they may be expected to just sit there and take and take endless wrongdoings. And when they finally lash out, instead of being nice and passive, they're shamed for it. Ultimately, 12th House Mars people benefit from accepting that there are more ways to fight back than outright aggression. Depending on their Mars sign, they can kill with kindness, defeat their enemy with a logical debate or just channel their energy into the best revenge: success. In any case, the more they enforce boundaries while keeping their cool, the easier it is for others to see who the real enemy is.

JUPITER IN THE 12TH HOUSE

It can be very hard for some people to truly celebrate the victories and blessings that Jupiter in the 12th House people receive. They seem to already "have it all", whether or not this is actually true, and they have a way of activating the "lack consciousness" of particularly insecure people. They are also quite sensitive to this and can feel horribly guilty for their success and prosperity or try to make themselves smaller to comfort others. That's not the answer! But it does help to realize that not everyone wants you to thrive, unfortunately even certain loved ones. This is foreign to Jupiter in the 12th House people, who truly want others to win, which is why they can flaunt their good fortune with an innocent expectation that others will be happy for them. It's important for them to learn to "move in silence" and focus more on generously supporting others on their path. In doing so, the Universe will continue to bless them.

SATURN IN THE 12TH HOUSE

Saturn in the 12th House individuals encounter a confusing backlash when they express and display ambition. Some people will be very skeptical or critical of their goals and plans while others can pretend to be happy for them while feeling secretly jealous. The thing is that these people, often without doing anything, are already viewed as being "better" than others. They exude a certain class and distinction, always appearing in their own league. So, when they actively pursue positions of power or status, it can be seen by many as very threatening. If they are too strongly in "boss" mode, they come across as harsh, scary, or (the word that haunts them) intimidating. People are much more relaxed and receptive with them when they lead with their feminine energy. So, for Saturn in the 12th, success and influence come much easier when they are especially collaborative and supportive or simply seek to be of service to others through their work. Letting go of specific ambitions prevents them from attracting unnecessarily competitive or dismissive vibes from others. Then, their high level of dedication and efficiency can receive the recognition it deserves.

URANUS IN THE 12TH HOUSE

It can seem as if a person with Uranus in the 12th can't just let loose and have some fun without ruffling someone's feathers. This is often accidental as they are just more irreverent, mischievous or wickedly funny than most, without trying to be. They get an inexplicable thrill out of getting into trouble that can become compulsive. So, when they've offended someone, that only motivates them to be even crazier. This is what can get them labeled "edgelords" or "try-hards", written off as annoying by their detractors. Their outrageous antics can majorly distract from the fact that they have something smart and interesting to say. And cool. 12th House Uranus folks are incredibly cool people, capable of setting trends and breaking new ground. If they stop pulling their little (or big) stunts, their It Factor and creative genius will shine through in a way that's undeniable, even to their critics.

NEPTUNE IN THE 12TH HOUSE

Those with Neptune in the 12th can run but they can't hide. These very sensitive people can seek solitude and private reflection to the point of reclusiveness, even the more extroverted ones. But, others refuse to leave them alone for long, especially in public. Often to their chagrin, they are very magnetic to others and their energy can be addicting to be around. And, like a celebrity of sorts, if they aren't fully receptive to their "fans" (which can include their awestruck loved ones) they can get a range of reactions from disappointment to anger to sudden indifference. It's much harder for these people to thrive when they aren't consistently putting themselves out there. Neptune in the 12th people must learn to limit their necessary recharge time and devote more energy to their adoring public. Hard as they may try, they can't fade into the background. They are meant to be noticed and celebrated, bringing their special magic and glamour to the world at large, instead of hoarding it all to themselves behind closed doors.

PLUTO IN THE 12TH HOUSE

When Pluto in the 12th House people assert their power, they can unfairly receive many harsh and extreme reactions from others. There can also be an infuriating double standard, as others may act in similarly intense, passionate or dominant ways without judgment. But, when they do it, they're seen as evil, destructive or manipulative. The unfortunate truth is that many people project the darkness on to this individual that they cannot handle within themselves. However, out of a sense of righteous rage or wounded pain, the Pluto in the 12th person may double down on their radical ways, only reinforcing people's fears or judgments of them. They thrive best when not reacting to the hate, refusing to feed into the drama. Soon, they come to realize that no response can often be the most powerful response. While redirecting their energy, their haters usually end up self-destructing through their own negativity. Meanwhile, they learn the true meaning of control.

NORTH NODE IN THE 12TH HOUSE

Change is an incredibly difficult concept for those with the North Node in the 12th. A lot of these people, for instance, may spend their entire lives in the same city or turn their hometown into their personality trait. It also often seems as if they are never truly allowed to "move forward" or "move on". Family or old friends could feel betrayed if they start changing in some major way. But, the essential dynamic here is karma. There is a huge unresolved issue from a past life (or two) that is absolutely demanding to be resolved this time. It's very likely that it involves a soulmate of some kind who has followed this person from the last life into this one. 12th House North Node people can feel particularly "haunted", especially by this soulmate or anyone else from a previous life who is now in their present; either through direct criticism that they can't get out of their head or crazy signs and synchronicities (or both). And the more they try to just ignore the issue, the worse it gets. These people are here to majorly grow but not by seeking the future. They can only evolve by dealing with their past. There is something about their South Node placement they are repressing or in denial about. It's only when they embrace that truth that they will come into balance and access the strengths of their North Node.

#astrology #astro observations #astro notes #12th house #sun in the 12th house #moon in the 12th house #mercury in the 12th house #venus in the 12th house #mars in the 12th house #jupiter in the 12th house #saturn in the 12th house #uranus in the 12th house #neptune in the 12th house #pluto in the 12th house #north node in the 12th house #12th house placements #12th house stellium #12th house planets