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#its nice to have things that remind us of them that we can wear out!!
xveenusx · 2 months
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Wanted
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.
Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.
Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST
Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo
Part 1: Guilty
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Bored. 
I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 
“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”
Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 
I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 
I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 
‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 
“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 
“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 
“I can charter a plane-“
I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 
What was she even doing here? 
This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.
Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 
“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 
“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 
I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.
My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”
She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 
“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 
“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.
Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 
I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.
There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.
I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 
We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.
“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 
The same can’t be said about his friends.
“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.
“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 
The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 
The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?
He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 
I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 
A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 
“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 
“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 
“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 
A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 
The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 
“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 
Being responsible was so overrated. 
Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.
I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 
He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”
“Why?” 
“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 
I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 
His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 
Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 
Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”
“Enlighten me.” 
I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 
Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 
“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 
“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 
It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 
“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 
“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 
Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 
“Are you kidding?” 
Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 
I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 
The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 
The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 
“Are your hands broken?” 
“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.
Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”
“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 
He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 
Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.
I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 
“I grew up.” 
Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”
For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 
Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.
“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 
I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 
He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”
The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.
My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.
“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 
“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 
My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.
“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 
The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 
“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 
I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 
“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 
My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 
John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 
But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 
I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-
My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 
Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.
None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.
Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 
“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 
Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 
Don’t think. Don’t feel. 
Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“
“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 
They never just wanted me.
Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 
JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.
Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 
It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.
I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.
I guess, I was impossible to love.
“Line it up, Topper.”
“Can I at least get a please?”
“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”
Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 
A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 
Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 
Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.
Then it happened.
All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 
My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.
JJ.
It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 
Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 
He was so beautiful. 
My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 
God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 
That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.
My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 
Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 
My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 
Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 
The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 
It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.
“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 
He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 
JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.
He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 
It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 
A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 
I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 
“You had a little something on your nose.” 
JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 
Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 
I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 
He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”
We both knew that was a lie.
“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 
Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”
“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 
“He didn’t want you.” 
People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 
“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 
“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”
“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”
“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“
I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 
Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 
“Get the fucking picture?”
“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 
“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 
Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”
I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 
Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 
I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.
Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 
“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 
I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 
Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 
Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 
I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.
As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 
He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 
Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 
It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 
Why couldn’t he see that? 
The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 
All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 
I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 
But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 
It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.
It was like drowning on dry land.
His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 
I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 
At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.
I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 
Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 
She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.
The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 
“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.
“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.
“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 
“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 
“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”
“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 
Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 
“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 
“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“
“With my mom.” 
“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 
I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 
“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 
She nodded, apprehension on her face. 
“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 
Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 
The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”
“And what type would that be?”
“Desperate.”
JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 
“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.
“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 
“Yeah, I just saved you.”
“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 
“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 
JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 
Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 
“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”
JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 
I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”
JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 
How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 
I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”
“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?
“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”
“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”
I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 
“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.
JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 
“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.
I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.
His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”
“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”
“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 
I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 
“Not from cocaine.”
“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”
Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.
“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.
I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 
Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.
“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 
She held her hands up in apology.
“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.
“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”
I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 
“Is that how you talk to people now?”
I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”
I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 
In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 
The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.
“I wanted to talk.”
I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.
“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 
Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.
“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 
“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 
He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.
“Unzip me?” 
“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.
“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 
In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.
Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 
My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.
I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 
The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 
I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 
“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 
“Yeah and I’m failing.” 
The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 
“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 
Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 
JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 
His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 
He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 
JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 
I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 
A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 
My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 
His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 
His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 
My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 
The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 
My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 
JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.
“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 
He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 
He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 
He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 
JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 
I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.
The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”
He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 
JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 
He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 
I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.
The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 
He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”
“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 
He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 
“That’s not very nice.” 
Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”
The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”
He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 
My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 
I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 
The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 
JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 
A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 
I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 
“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.
My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.
“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.
“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 
I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 
“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 
 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 
I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.
I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 
JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 
“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 
Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”
I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 
And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 
“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”
“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.
That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 
One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 
I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 
I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 
I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 
“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 
 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 
My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“
I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 
It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 
As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 
My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 
Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 
The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 
I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 
My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 
“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.
Kiara? 
I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-
Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 
Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 
I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.
That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 
“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 
His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.
JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 
I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 
“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 
“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.
“Get out.” 
“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 
“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 
Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.
And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?
Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 
Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 
Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 
Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?
I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.
“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”
JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.
“Kie and I aren’t together.”
“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 
“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 
“You had no problem doing it before.”
“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 
“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”
I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 
Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 
JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 
I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 
“I’m sorry.” 
I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.
I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?
I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.
The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 
A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.
I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 
I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 
I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.
So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 
I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 
“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 
“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 
My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.
“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 
Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 
Kook pussy. Daddy issues.
I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 
This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 
“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 
“I have to get back-“
“To who?” JJ snapped. 
I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”
He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.
He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 
“Dead serious.” 
“This isn’t like you-“
“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 
“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”
I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”
“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“
I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 
Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 
It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 
When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?
“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”
I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?
I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.
“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 
I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 
But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.
“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 
Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.
“I care about you, that never changed.”
Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 
“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 
“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”
I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 
“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”
“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 
His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 
“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”
I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.
“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 
JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”
“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”
He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 
“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 
The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 
He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 
“What happened?”
“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”
That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.
“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 
“It was actually a couple purses.” 
JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.
“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”
I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 
It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 
“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 
I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 
“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 
He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.
“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”
JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”
His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  
My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”
A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”
I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”
“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.
“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”
His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."
Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."
I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.
"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 
A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 
I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 
I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 
The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”
Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”
JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 
My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 
“JJ?”
“What?”
“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 
Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 
I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.
I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.
I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 
I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 
I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 
This time, I was the one that never looked back.
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Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.
TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18
@alicecullensgf @fairylightsandbubblegum @redhead1180 @julczimozart @wh0reforbucknasty @alyisdead @trynafindliz @bradleyroosterbradshawfr @enchantedinfinity @kaylinfayezink @godknows-shetried @sipsthecoffee @leanastarky @mirellef2001 @esquivelbianca @v-a-l-n-t-y-l-e @wonderstruck4llthew4yhome @destinydestnation @ilivinili @metatarooo @a-j-stuffs @vik-05 @thecokefairy @marauderssmut @maybank-cameron-fan @arinadixin @maxine27 @wostarsea @lilymaybank @jennapancake @dreamzluvrr @formulalfc @h1storicbabe @maybankswhore @haven247 @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @ineedtosusoutmyreadinglist @drudyslut @rockychick @little-frk-satellite @gwenlovesharrystyles @rudspankow @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @bobo-bush
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holllandtrash · 7 months
Text
london boy | lando norris (6 to 1) - smau
part of the lover x 6 to 1 series | lando norris x leclerc! reader
So I guess all the rumors are true You know I love a London boy 
takes place 3 months after part 12 of 6 to 1 vote for the next part here
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ynleclerc added to their story
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landonorris added to their story
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ynleclerc 📍 London, England
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liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 54,103 others
ynleclerc london night 1 + lando picking me up from the airport (merci to the person who captured him giving me a literal garden)
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landonorris only the best for the best
ynleclerc i will expect flowers everytime now landonorris okay
givememclarens not a fan of the soft launch pics bestie everyone knows you're dating the least u could do is give us bf lando
liked by ynleclerc
charles_leclerc please return home in one piece
ynlelcerc no promises
lewishamilton my second home 🖤 let me know if you need recommendations
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landonorris
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landonorris london rookie had to see all the sights today
ynleclerc you loved that double decker bus ride as much as i did landonorris i lost my bucket hat ynleclerc i told you not to wear it
charles_leclerc why aren't you sitting like a normal person
ynleclerc because i know how to have FUN charles
ynleclerc 📍London, England
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ynleclerc im sorry..the old y/n can't come to the phone right now
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danielricciardo you know you're not just supposed to look at the phone booth right, you can actually go inside
ynleclerc leave me alone
charles_leclerc why are you wearing shorts in october
landonorris i asked the same thing ynleclerc its called fashion look it up
riabish cuuuute
ynleclerc can't wait to see you tomorrow ♡
ynleclerc added to their story
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ynleclerc
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ynleclerc ria is a better tour guide than landon i said what i said
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riabish love you♡
charles_leclerc landon
danielricciardo not the landon slander
mclaren landon?🤨
oscarpiastri i love my teammate, Landon Orris
landonorris my goodness
landonorris added to their story
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landonorris
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landonorris she cleans up nice for someone who didn't get out of bed until 4pm
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ynleclerc i got ready faster than a red bull wins a race
liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 5,607 others
mclaren but where's landon?
ynleclerc we are done with this joke oscarpiastri no we are not
thepaddockbulls never in my wildest dreams did i think i would ever see a leclerc make a joke about red bull winning
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ynleclerc
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ynleclerc day 6/6 🇬🇧 could this photo dump get any more british
landonorris there's no tea in any of those pictures
ynleclerc remind me to get some tmr before we leave
oscarpiastri where's landon?
ynleclerc OSCAR
nofornorris sad that her little london trip is ending i was living vicariously through her
sunnyseb petition for them to just move to london full time
landonorris added to their story
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ynleclerc 📍home
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ynleclerc you know i love a london boy
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landonorris im from bristol
ynleclerc not today you aren't
danielricciardo you kids grew up too fast
mclaren Well if there's ever an F1 race in London, we know who'll be the first to support it 😉😉
OscarPiastri thought you loved Landon Orris
landonorris mate shes gonna block you, i just watched her throw her phone across the airport
----- vote for the next part here
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kentopedia · 8 months
Note
Any dating Gojo headcannons?
ੈ✩‧₊˚ dating gojo headcanons
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so starting this off by saying that if you’re in a relationship with gojo, there will be so many photos taken! they could be of both of you together, just you, just him, etc.
he likes to keep memories of all the times you’re together, and will scroll through all the photos when he’s feeling down or when you’re apart.
also, he also changes his lockscreen frequently to whatever recent photo of you has become his new favorite. <3
gojo will do absolutely everything in his power to make you laugh, especially if you’re feeling down.
at some times, he will be the most ridiculous boyfriend, but it's just bc he always wants to see you happy
whether or not you’re a sorcerer, gojo will introduce you to all his students!!
but... they already know everything there is to know about you because gojo talks about you non-stop. so when you do meet for the first time, hey feel like they’ve already met you before.
they definitely tease gojo about how you deserve someone better than him, especially nobara and megumi <3 though, it's all for fun and they are all genuinely so supportive of your relationship.
he makes you come to his classes as a "guest speaker." there is absolutely no learning done at these times. ever.
but you get to know the students better, and gojo loves seeing you interact with them. mostly, he just invites you to the school to see him and all the students know it.
because gojo takes care of megumi, you'll be the closest to him of all the students. and megumi is honestly tired of both of you, but he’ll tell gojo he likes you more just to annoy him.
gojo will take you out to eat a lot, especially at nice restaurants--but only if that’s your thing! if you'd rather eat at home or don’t feel comfortable at stuffy places, then he doesn’t care.
he just wants to spend time together and make you feel special bc you are!! <3
also, there will be so many dates to get a little treat. it doesn’t matter what, if its sweet, gojo will be buying it.
if you don’t like sweets… gojo will probably still buy you one so you can try it (and then he'll just eat it himself).
gojo loves when you wear his clothes, even if they fit you horribly. he starts leaving tshirt and sweatshirts at your home in the hopes that you’ll wear them when you’re lounging around
expect a lot of stupid texts or phone calls, and always at inconvenient times.
he sends you things that make no sense. then sends you screenshots of when he sent them to nanami and got left on read.
gojo sends a lot of screenshots of him annoying nanami. it's honestly his favorite hobby
every time you walk into a room, gojo will smile so brightly to the point that people notice and start teasing him about it. he doesn't care though :)
he is always excited to see you, even if you’ve only been apart for five minutes
we all know gojo's got generational wealth, so he’s going to spoil you all the time. don't protest bc he loves spending money on you. gift giving is def a love language of him.
so he's always buying you gifts, whether they’re just random things that reminded him of you, unnecessary items he secretly wanted for himself, or extensive, thought out gifts he’s been contemplating for a while.
gets you big bouquets of flowers all the time.
once he sees that one of the flowers is wilting, he’s on his way to buy another. he’ll switch up which flowers he gets depending on what looks the best during the season.
but if you have an absolute favorite flower, he’ll gravitate towards those <3
he uses an excessive amount of pet names. sticks to the classics most of the time, but when he’s feeling silly, he'll whip out something so ridiculous you will cringe
when you’re out in public, he usually keeps a hand on you somewhere, just so he can reassure himself you’re nearby. he doesn’t expect that any curses are going to sneak up on him, but he knows better than to take a stupid risk like that.
teases you so much it’s almost painful, but he knows when he’s taking it too far. he’ll never do anything to upset you.
he's pretty good at reading you, but he wants you to know the you can always talk to him about anything! he doesn't want his partner to be scared of talking to him, because he knows that communication is important
(even if he's sometimes bad at it.)
at the end of the day, he is going to be the most supportive person in your life, and he just wants to feel as happy as you make him
if he’s been away for work, or had a particularly rough day, he’ll be extra clingy.
he loves cuddling <3
i feel like there will be lots of movie watching dates on the couch (though expect that this will lead to something more)
he won’t (always) do it on purpose, but he likes seeing you get jealous.
gojo’s pretty flirtatious by nature, but he’ll make sure that you know it doesn’t mean anything if he smiles a little too much at the barista, or talks to the waitress a bit too friendly.
but he would also be lying if he said he disliked the annoyance that would spread on your face, and he’d kiss you even harder once you were back home.
gojo’s outwardly very confident, but secretly, he wants a lot of reassurance from you.
initially, he tries to do things that will get a lot of compliments from you. you eventually pick up on this and just shower him in affection
and when you’ve said you loved him, he will ask you to say it all the time. <3
gojo loves taking you on shopping dates and watching you model all of the clothes. he will be no help at picking things out because he’ll think you look good in everything!!
he can be quite spontaneous, so whatever you want to do, he’s always up for it.
gojo falls first, but he doesn’t tell you first. he’s honestly a bit insecure that he’s not enough for you and waits for you to say “I love you” first.
honestly, he decides pretty early on in the relationship that you’re the person he wants to spend the rest of your life with.
but... he waits a while to propose because he’s a sorcerer and he knows that things in his life could change at any moment.
he will love you so so much <3
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black-mamba-noodle · 9 months
Text
Agere Self-Care Tips
Since agere is mainly used for mental health and trauma, we often forget to take care of ourselves and even when we do remember, it can be hard to do it 'cause it feels like we gotta do a lot. But in reality, we don't have to! These are some small ways to do self-care without having to use a lot of energy! If you also have tips, please add them! Since being big can take energy out of you on its own, try being Little while doing self-care, since you're more likely to see it as a game and can even add a reward! Face: -Use makeup wipes with aloe and/or a soft moisturizer in it! This can help with keeping your face fresh and can help with dryness (along with sensitivity if you have it). -Just using a warm, wet rag can help with cleaning your face and getting rid of dead skin, just remember to be gentle as too much rubbing of the skin can irritate it. -Use baby lotion or just soft smelling lotion to help with dryness! Helps with keeping the skin moist and it smells so good!! Teeth: -When brushing your teeth, make sure to at least floss and use toothpaste. While mouth wash is important, flossing is also important and is needed for healthy gums. -If you can't use toothpaste, just floss and use mouth wash. Hair: -Try to make sure to at least comb your hair and use dry shampoo if you haven't washed it. Combing your hair is important for its health just like washing it and getting rid of knots just feels nice in general. -Try using a hair mask, some need to set in your hair and you can do other things while waiting for it to be absorbed into your hair. Body: -Use deodorizing wipes and get the important parts mainly (under arms, crotch, ETC)! -Use baby lotion, good for the skin, smells good, and it can help you stay smol longer! -Use soft smelling fragrances that way it doesn't overwhelm you and helps with making you feel good! Food: -If you have kids' plates and utensils, use 'em! -While eating a big filling meal is important, eating anything is better than nothing- -Make sure to at least add the stuff your body needs, anything that's small but has the nutrients and vitamins that you need is great!! -Try to eat a warm/hot meal if you're anxious or just not feeling like yourself in that moment, it helps bring you back to the moment and not focus on anything else for now! -If you don't feel like eating a big meal, use those small dinners that are cheap and can be cooked in the microwave. -Make your food fun!! Make different shapes with sauces and/or make your food look cute in some way! -Treat yourself with a small dessert! You deserve it! Drinks: -If you've got it, put your drink in a cute cup or sippie! -Try to drink something with water in it (tea, juice, ETC)! -If you can, try to drink at least one cup of water! Hydration is important! -If you wanna drink something else, but also need water, take a drink of water and reward yourself with the wanted drink! That way, you're rewarding yourself in a small way! Exercise: -Wear cute clothing if you've got it! -Stretch!! It feels nice and it'll help you relax!! -Yoga? Great! And it's less effort if you're doing simple ones! -Reward yourself after a stretch! -Make it a game! And if you want, have someone join you! Much more fun that way! Meds: -Put stickers on your med box, decorate it and help it remind you that it's there to help you feel better! -Add a piece of candy with your meds! -Set a reminder like an alarm clock to help you remember!! Extra Ideas: -Make a agere box or an anti-anxiety box for yourself! Decorate it and have it somewhere where you can easily access it! -Cuddle and talk about your feelings to your stuffies! They're there for you and love you!! -Make a agere journal and use it to help with your agere! Remember to be kind to yourself!! Doing little things instead of big things doesn't mean you aren't worth it!! You're valid just like everyone else!!
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ju1cyfru1t · 7 months
Note
Hiii pooks! 😙 I love❤️ ur writhing sm
I’ve been having such a spider man phase after watching the new spider verse movie and I was wondering what would the turtles think when they figured out reader being NY’s Spider women or spider person like they haven’t told thier turtle bf about it and stuff (live for the drama😵‍💫)
Always love you and def feel free to ignore!
I LOVE THIS thank you pookie 🤭 hope u like it 🫶🏻🕸️ u didn’t specify so I’m gonna assume you meant the rise turtles!
Rise! Leo, Mikey, Donnie, Raph x Spider-Woman! S/O
ROTTMNT x Reader
fluff! :D, fem! reader, contains swearing, not proofread
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Leo
- He may not be the brightest mutant, but he is observant
- Probably interrogated the info out of you
- -> “Y/N, where exactly were you last night?” “Oh, uh…I was with, um, April.” “That’s funny…considering April was with us!”
- It didn’t really shock him to find out you had a big secret, what did shock him is what that secret is
- He’s also a little hurt that you didn’t tell him. Don’t you trust him??? But that wasn’t his biggest concern
- “Wait, so like…spider woman as in like, big mama kind of spider woman?” NO-
- You would have to really explain it to him
- But let’s be real, he still wouldn’t understand so you’d have to show him by like climbing up the fucking wall or something
- But he really does think your powers are super sick
- Laughs when you try to explain your spidey senses -> “wait, you’re serious?”
- ^ calls them your “tingly thing”
- maybe you can web his fucking mouth shut
- LOVES your suit, thinks you look stunning and super awesome
- “You know, I always said that was your color Y/N!”
- Invites you to patrol with them! (then he doesn’t have to do as much)
- thinks you’re so hot when you fight (NOT IN A FREAKY WAY YOU FREAKS) and hypes you up
- freaks tf out if he ever gets a web on him, including if you were to swing with him to get out of harms way
- doesn’t ask for them, but he can’t deny he likes the iconic Spider-Man kisses
Mikey
- would just straight up ask if you’re hiding something. Dr.Delicate touch DOES NOT PLAY ‼️
- Of course this would be something you’re hesitant about, but he would remind you that you can confide in him
- Def was not expecting THIS.
- He is asking you a million questions all at once, and will sit nicely and listen as you explain with starry eyes (stop lookin at me with them big ole eyes)
- You’re #1 fan and biggest hype man
- Thinks you’re the coolest person ever fr
- Wants to swing around on your webs with you. Around NYC, in the lair, in Donnie’s lab, on missions, it doesn’t matter he WANTS it.
- THE ICONIC SPIDER-MAN KISSES ALL THE TIME ITS HIS FAVORITE WAY TO KISS YOU NOW
- weirdly interested in your webs 🕸️
- Compliments your suit anytime you wear it around him; thinks your mask is so so cute
- ^ in his free time he’ll sketch and color new suit designs to show you (also just drawings and paintings of you in your suit)
Donnie
- isn’t going to pry any secrets from you; but he does secretly wish you’d come to him on your own.
- so you can imagine his gratitude and relief when you finally tell him what’s up
- Doesn’t really say anything about it, but he doesn’t get why you didn’t just tell him sooner. I mean, you do know he’s a hero too, right?
- he’s fascinated, he’s never seen anything like your powers before. especially because you’re not a mutant.
- really just asks questions about how it all works. Your webs, how you stick to surfaces, your enhanced senses, the whole deal yk?
- He did NOT like big mama’s webs, and he doesn’t really like yours either I’m so sorry.
- ^if he needs them, would ask to use some like he did with Big Mama’s
- It’s not you I swear he just can’t do it
- you could like climb all over his lab ceiling and walls and scare the shit out of him tho
- ^ “Y/N get down this instant! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS-“
- admires your enhanced senses and intuition of danger
- is absolutely gonna make gear for you, as well as offering to make upgrades to your suit
- wouldn’t really directly say it, but he really likes the design of your suit. it just fits you so well. (he IS going to make a purple one for you)
- would scream if you ever just dropped down in front of him to kiss him spider man style
- ^ traumatized; it’s not his favorite thing but he doesn’t mind terribly
Raph
- might take him a while to notice if something is off about you. Leo or Mikey would probably have to directly point it out for him to realize fully
- Isn’t going to beat around the bush and just asks why you’re acting lowkey shady
- really shocked, might take him a second to process even if he doesn’t really know exactly what you mean at first
- honestly he understands why you keep it a secret, just a little saddened that you kept it from him
- He’s gonna need you to really explain your powers
- “…where do the webs come out of tho?”
- would deepen your bond and connection. you can really relate to each other carrying a deep burden and the pressure of responsibility.
- AMAZING DUO with his strength and your agility
- very good hype man
- takes you on most missions and patrols, thinks you’re a really valuable asset to the team
- also calls your spider senses your “tingly thing”
- it’s not that he doesn’t like your webs, something about them just make him nervous. Refuses to let you swing him on them unless he’s in immediate danger.
- does NOT let you crawl around the lair walls, he’s scared you’ll hurt yourself
- ^ “Y/N! You’re gonna hurt yourself, GET DOWN!”
- really thinks you look so pretty in your special suit, he just doesn’t know how to say without feeling like he sounds dumb. He would DIE if it was red.
- “ I really…er, like your costume.”
- very supportive! he gets the struggle of protecting the city, but is happy you get to do it beside each other. :D
- he likes the spidey kisses, they just really fluster him
——————————————————————————
y’all I’m sorry if there is any misinformation in this don’t flame me but I haven’t seen atsv yet
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zzenkha · 7 months
Note
HI HELLO HEY
Can I request angry confession w megumi fushiguro
THIS APP LACKS ANGRY CONFESSION SENARIOS AND I LIVE FOR THEM
ahem anyway you feel free to ignore this request and add any scenario
I AM JUST SO INLOVE WITH YOUR WRITING
thank you <3
✮ CARE FOR A REASON.
sypnosis. megumi cares for you, so why can't you see it?
content warnings. GN! reader , megumi being ooc (probably) , LOWERCASE INTENDED , NOT PROOFREAD (we die like soldiers 💪) reader is a little oblivious! , skipping on writing fight scenes bc i hate writing action LOLLL😭😭 .
wc. 1.5k
a/n. changed my layout to a much easier one bc my school is slowly opening back for face 2 face, it's ridonkculous 😒 also ilysm <33 so srry it took this long nwixmwop I HOPE I DELIVERED THIS NICELY.... 👩‍🦯👩‍🦯
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he doesn't care.
you've thought about that sometimes. whether megumi was actually your friend or was he befriending you out of pity?
you'd never know.
i mean, how could you? his face is as stoic and hard to break as a freaking boulder. you hated it. you hated how you couldn't read his emotions.
you could easily read others, even nanami's (sometimes- mostly you fail) for fucks sakes! but megumi? nope. can't even tell if he's happy or even sad.
he's like an emotionless person.
and you know that's not true. you've seen him buy gifts for yuji when it's his birthday, and begrudgingly holding nobara's shopping bags.
he's held your bags before, he's opened the door for you, he's washed the dishes for you and bought you stuff from a souvenir shop after his mission. megumi has done quite a lot of things for you!
so he's either not obvious or you're just stupid. (he doesn't mean it... I think)
megumi, on the other hand, has tried many times to tell (not literally) he's interested, but all attempts remained useless. he can't show emotions well so the boy gets a little frustrated sometimes.
he sees yuji easily talking to you and how he wears his heart on his sleeve, he watches how nobara is so open to you, how his sensei goofs around you and doesn't have his tensed shoulders on him.
megumi wants to be like that around you... but he can't.
not when his heart pounds so fast whenever he catches a glimpse of you.
when the teen had seen you walking into the gates of hell the school, he's never fallen in love quicker. he blinked twice and realised that you were smiling at him. oh gosh, why am i feeling like this?
he returned your sweet smile with an awkward smile of his own while waving at you shyly. he could hear his friends snicker behind him as they weren't used to seeing their dear stoic friend this flustered, thinking that he had just fallen in love.
he ignored the two immature teens, as megumi would call them, behind him because he knew it was true.
he just didn't know it back then.
you were sitting on a bench, waiting for your unknown partner to arrive for your mission to exorcise this funky looking curse. (according to your friend who had gotten severely injured whilst fighting it.)
sighing, you push the little information you had about the curse out of your mind for now. then you feel it. a pair of miniscule legs landing on top of your nose, your vision being obscured by shades of the colour of navy blue.
it reminded you of a certain someone.
a small smile formed on your lips as you felt your cheeks get a little hot. you've been feeling like this for the past few days and you didn't know why.
was it because you were sick?
or was it because of the person always in your mind?
you shake your head to get rid of those thoughts, affectively scaring the butterfly and it flying away. you pout as you stare at its retreating body.
you don't notice but he sees you. he's been standing there ever since the butterfly landed your pretty nose. (yalls nose be pretty ok.)
he chuckles lightly at the sight of you pouting at a butterfly. megumi approaches you with light steps, his face returning to the usual stoic one. you don't see him till his uniform appears into your view, raising your head you expected to see someone else. not him.
eyes slightly widened at his tall figure, you forgot how tall he actually is... he finally speaks up. "let's get going before the sun sets." your words were caught in a twisted knot, so you just nodded and got up.
megumi walked ahead and you trailed behind him. putting your trust in him to guide you wherever you're supposed to go; you didn't receive much information as you were put into this last minute.
he liked it when you relied on him. though, he would rather die than admit that.
the walk was silent. all that could be heard were shoes moving across the ageing cement pavement. kicking random rocks that were in you way as a way to cure the awkward tension. (plus your boredom.)
you were subtly glancing at megumi's side profile the entire walk. his jaw was perfectly sculpted, not so sharp but not too round either- oh god, what were you thinking about?
while in your little haze, megumi's eyes glanced at you and widened. to be frank, he was glancing at you from time to time as well. he was hoping to the gods out there that you wouldn't notice.
snapping out of your daze, you lightly gasped then let out a shriek. you tripped on a rock and almost fell. emphasis on almost.
dear megumi, realised you were about to fall and quickly wrapped his strong arms around your waist, securing you onto his chest. glancing up, your e/c eyes locked onto his navy ones.
both of you were feeling hot. incredibly so, and it was late november.
when suddenly a loud strangled cry (definitely not by a human) was heard a few feet from the both of you. megumi's eyes widened as he pushed you towards a bush: his right arm getting slashed deeply by one of the attacks that was meant for you.
you wished that you could stand up and leave this dilapidated house in ruins as your body was gushing an unbelievable amount of blood from your injuries. walk to the person who rescued you from the filthy curse. fucking hell, literally.
ignoring your body's protests to rest, you slowly stood up and limped your way outside. you could see megumi pacing around the area in hopes to find you, and when his gaze landed onto your bruised-self (not like he's any better), he rushes over to you.
"are you okay? nevermind, you're clearly not. let's j-just get you out of here, ijichi's gonna come soon okay? just.. hang in there for a seco-" he stops rambling as you hit his chest, tears threatening to spill at any second.
hes speechless. hes never seen you like this except...when he surprised you on your birthday.
"w-why do you.. always have to be there for me? i-i'm never there for y-you, rarely! why did you push me out of the way, you could've j-just let me take the hit!", you stammer out, trembling as you do so.
megumi starts, "it's because i... i care for you, alright? i've been caring ever.. since you came through the gates of the school. fuck, i'll always care for y-" "but why do you care for me?.." he gets cut off.
he starts to feel a little frustrated. no, not now... not when she's right in front of me like this.
the teen lightly scoffs, "why? why do i care for you?" you nod your head rapidly, regretting it as your vision becomes blurry and a headache comes along. his calloused hands cradle your head gently as you regain your senses.
you look back at him, soft eyes pleading for an answer. oh why must you give me those eyes now? he loves those eyes of yours, could just stare at them for eternity-
"I've always cared for you because..." megumi trails off his words, afraid of what's next to come. if you reject him, he'll feel like shit in the car while you both sit next to each other for the next 15 minutes.
"-umi! megumi!"
his eyes slightly widened at your face being closer, fuck he can't handle this.
you were so confused on why megumi had just left you on a cliffhanger. in all honesty, you were hoping that he feels the same way as you.
"earth to megumi?!!" you wave your not-so-injured hand in front of his face.
you hear him mumble a small fuck it.
megumi starts, his voice slowly getting more intense as he continues on, "i've always cared for you. why? because i LOVE you! do you get it? i love you, yn. and you've never seem to see it.
i do things for you, i-i do everything for you. all for it to end up in the drain because you're so naive... but i cant help but still love you."
you're silent. and he hates it.
his mind is going overboard and then he feels it. a pair of soft hands cupping his bruised cheeks, "gumi.. i-i didnt know. but i love you too. i always have."
megumi doesn't know how to feel: all except the sudden urge to kiss the lips that uttered the same words as him. he leans in close, till your noses are touching.
you lean in to seal your mouths, soft lips moving slowly. unfortunately, oxygen is needed so you both pull apart, two teens panting lightly. the both of you smile and giggles are filled in the once-tensed air. and then you rethink..
he does care.
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© zzenkha . . . 2022 ,, do not repost, plagiarise, translate any of my works.
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timetobeaghost · 4 months
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The Noah hate mob is so much worse than I thought. Finally saw the story pic going through someone's blog. Cluelessly I had kinda figured a "sticker" is something you can add to your pic, like a filter. And I thought he might have made a dumb sexy pose maybe with a hot dude and put "zionism is sexy" on it. I thought he might have been somewhat douchy and insensitive, because that seemed IC to me, making a dumb post in a serious situation.
But no. He is making a selfie with a friend who seems to be involved in anti-antisemitism activism and wears a (literal, yeah everyone but me knows what a sticker is, I guess) "Hamas is ISIS" sticker, which is a very important message (because people did not use to like islamists cutting off people's heads and raping girls back when it wasn't happening in Israel, maybe they could remember that feeling) and holding Stickers in her hand that apparently read "Zionism is sexy", which is meant to proudly support Israel and Israeli jews, which is healthy and understandable considering it is a reaction to a horrible terror attack on Israel and to a reminder that its very existence in in danger. No, Zionism does NOT mean war! Zionism does NOT mean ethnic cleansing. To say this is antisemitic trash. Jews wanting the tiniest bit of land to live in peace and thrive is the farthest thing from evil. Do you know how many Jews used to live in the Middle East. Do you know where their offspring is now? ISRAEL. And nowhere else because they were ethnically cleansed out of everywhere else.
And no Israel is not perfect, radical settlers and a right wing government supporting them and all that. That needs to be solved. That in no way means Israel's existence and with that Zionism is evil.
Now still those ZiS stickers could be criticized as dumb, I guess. As flippant in a serious matter, but any hate boner can only be explained by antisemitism, and Noah really didn't do shit to deserve anything. And then he was told he should be put in a blender by Hamas. Hamas being a terror organization who really does specialize in slaughtering jews in creative ways. For context.
The only proper reaction is 💯 support for Noah!
If you are part of a hate mob you are those people, oh they had good reasons for their spontaneous anger, I am told. Spoiler alert: history has already decided you suck. And I can guarantee you the Duffer brothers deepest revulsion. No one dreams of appeasing you people! Leave ST fandom and enjoy your jihadism fandom, if that's where your priorities lie.
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If you are on the side of: "Yes I know he kinda deserves criticism, but lets not overdo it. Bullying is not nice either", congratulations for being human, but you are the majority Germans in the mid 1930s and you can do better.
Because someone asked me what I say to a 6-year -old Palestinian being murdered in the US, I say this is utterly VILE. It was a crazy, violent murderer's reaction to the terror attack and it is endlessly tragic that this happened. It was not a reaction to solidarity with Israel's people. The pos was reacting to the actual event. Peaceful, loving support for the victims is the antitheses to that. I wanna ask back what you think of hundreds of children being brutally murdered or kidnapped in Israel on October 7th. Can we agree that this shit is utterly vile as well? Can we agree THOSE HOSTAGES NEED TO BE BROUGHT HOME? Btw?
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apomaro-mellow · 6 days
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King and Prince 15
Part 14
We have officially begun the second arc of this fic! Arc 1: Enemies Arc 2: Friends? ....Friends.... (<- You are here!) Arc 3: Lovers
The day before the festivities, Eddie was constantly on his feet and on the move. He had barely a moment to himself. But as the sun set, he took a second to check in on his favorite hostage-turned-guest. But Eddie never did these checks in person. Now seemed to be the time to give Steve as much space as he could. Eddie didn’t know in detail what kind of life he led in his old kingdom, but it couldn’t be anything good. A crown prince should be fighting tooth and nail to get back home. Steve hadn’t made any escape attempts since that last one weeks ago.
Eddie stood by the window of his room and held a hand out to beckon the raven that landed. He stroked its feathers in thanks for letting him see Steve. His eyes became the bird’s eyes whenever he wished, allowing him to see how Steve behaved while he was alone. He never intruded for long, but Eddie wasn’t going to fall to a soft heart and let someone untrustworthy roam without suspicion.
His precaution was starting to appear unnecessary in the end. Because Steve had no plans to harm anyone, not even him. As much as he and Dustin had prodded at the prince to see further than his own nose and learn about what was around him, Eddie had to admit that he too had his own assumptions about him. 
He hadn’t imagined the enemy to be an uncontrollable monster like the other side did. But Eddie hadn’t expected someone willingly lending a hand to some kids, who did manual labor with very minimal grumbling. He hadn’t expected Steve to be, well, nice. He might be the first Harrington who Eddie hadn’t wanted to kill on sight.
One thing his little feathered friend reminded him of was the fact that Steve’s wardrobe was severely cut down from what he must be used to. There was certainly a drop of quality as well, though it was comfortable to wear. And Eddie thought he shouldn’t be left out of the fun when it came to new clothes.
-------------------------
The next morning, Steve rose with the sun and had breakfast with the children in the kitchen. Afterwards, he figured his job for the day would be helping out wherever he was needed for the activities around the castle. But when he caught Robin in the hallway, she shook her head at him.
“I don’t have you today. You belong to those kids there”, she pointed to the gaggle catching up from behind.
“Them?”, Steve asked. “But they’re going to-” Their plans all involved the action happening in the town just outside the castle gates. A town filled with this kingdom’s people. People who might want to see Steve’s end, if they knew who he was.
Robin just waved with her fingers as Dustin and El grabbed both of his arms and started to pull him towards the main entrance of the castle. Outside, a wagon was already hitched up to a horse, driver at the ready to take them out. Steve tried to keep the apprehension off his face as he watched the kids get on, then followed after. Obviously the townsfolk couldn’t tell who he was just by looking at him. Even so, what if someone let something slip and the wrong thing was overheard?
His charges were unaware, still talking about all the things to do once they were there. They were already dressed in their new finery, surely with a warning not to get them too dirty before the performance. Steve tried not to feel too disappointed by his own clothing. He didn’t need any eyes drawn to him.
“We’re going to the games first”, Lucas said.
“Who said you’re in charge?”, Max challenged.
“I thought we agreed we should see the market first”, Will said.
“I agree that we should go before they run out of strawberries”, Dustin started. “But we can afford some time to go and see the mechanists first.”
Steve was suddenly struck with why he was put on supervising duty. Without an adult, they’d surely run off in a dozen different directions. They were let out right in the thick of it and Steve was overwhelmed but only for a moment as he clapped his hands and called them to attention.
“Hey. Hey! If one of you gets lost or hurt, that’s my neck on the chopping block!” Steve didn’t want to think of how literal that might be. “I’ll decide where we go and when and I swear to the old gods and new if I hear any griping, you can hop right back on the wagon.”
There was definitely some eye rolling. And the start of groans. And crossed arms. But no one directly opposed him. That left Steve to make a decision. He put his hands on his hips, looking at them one by one as they gazed back expectantly.
“So here’s what we’re going to do”, he began. “You all just ate. We don’t need to go and get berries right now. I promise we’ll go before they run out. It makes the most sense to do the games first. You guys are bouncing off the walls and need something to direct all that energy.”
After which, they’d be in a mood for some kind of refreshing pick-me-up, like freshly picked fruit. And maybe even some kind of meal before seeing what else the people of this town had to offer. His plan was met with minimal protests and for a moment Steve got the idea that they might actually like and respect him. There were games for both young and old, separated by skill level.
Lucas decided to try his hand at archery and Steve felt a twinge of pride, especially when he got a near bullseye on the first try. The next few weren’t as great but he hoped Lucas would remember that first near-win. If nothing else, he might remember the impressed look on Max’s face before she wiped it away, glancing around to make sure no one else saw. Even though the others typically weren’t so swayed by feats of athleticism, they congratulated Lucas.
“You almost got it in!”, Will exclaimed.
“Think of the potential. With an archer, we could be unstoppable!”, Dustin said.
Steve didn’t want to think about what sort of potential they were imagining. He’d thought he’d just follow them around and make sure they didn’t get kidnapped but was thrown off when they dragged him to a different field where there were older competitors.
“I think it’s time you show us what you got”, Mike said, arms crossed.
“What?”
“You talk a big game, but no one’s actually seen you do anything serious”, Max said.
“Lucas was there when Nancy tried to chop my head off”, Steve said in his defense.
Mike shrugged. “Yeah, but she was probably going easy on you.”
“You’d probably be good at that”, El pointed to where a bunch of young adults were tossing spears to see who could get it the farthest.
A simple task, especially given his royal training. Steve thought it almost unfair as he stepped up to compete. But he took the other seriously as he stretched and got ready. He wasn’t surprised when he thrust the spear forward and it fell in a graceful arc leagues further than any other. Still, he was glad that he wasn’t getting rusty up in that castle, locked away. Steve figured he’d proven himself, but then he was pointed to hay bale lifting, then the races, and then a child toss.
“Wait, why am I tossing you guys into the water?”, Steve asked while other people were stretching their legs.
Dustin lit up. “The child toss has a rich history that’s actually hotly debated and only because Eddie won’t tell us what really happened because he thinks its funny how many different stories there are-”
“Just lift them up and throw them in the pond as fast as you can”, Max said.
“As fun as it would be to chuck some of you, not in these clothes”, Steve put his foot down.
Thankfully, they moved quickly to the other games. All things that Steve excelled at. For as much as he was trying to keep a low profile, the townsfolk started to be taken with this talented stranger. It didn’t hurt that many of the events gave them glimpses at his physique. As he promised, once they got their fill of watching him compete, he took them to the market where farmers were presenting the bounties of early spring. It was a good preview of things to come in the following months.
Steve popped a berry into his mouth when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw a man he didn’t recognize. For a moment, he thought he’d been seen for who he was, but he read the other man’s body language. There was something a little nervous about it, especially in the way he seemed to want to look at Steve but not meet his gaze.
“Hey uh, so I saw you over at the fields and uh-”
Ah.
Steve licked some of the juice off his fingers and noticed how intensely he was being watched. He had his fair share of bedmates back home and was familiar with the look of desire. It had just been so long since he'd seen it. Before the man could continue, El was calling for him and Max was grabbing him by the elbow. The girls wanted to go and watch the street musicians while the boys wanted to go and visit the mechanists. Steve finally conceded to a split on the condition that they met up for lunch in half an hour.
“Half an hour is barely any time”, Mike complained.
“It’s all you have if you want to eat before seeing the illusionist. You have to be on stage right after that”, Steve reminded them.
Given that time limit, Will and the other boys rushed off to see the new machines and inventions dreamt up during the winter while the girls led Steve towards music playing. Unbeknownst to anyone there, the king was already present, red hood obscuring his face as he sat on a barrel, playing a cheerful tune for his people.
Part 16 coming soon
Tag Team
@thesuninyaface @only-evanescent @snakeorsquid @ignoremyworld @theclichefortunecookie @goodolefashionedloverboi @just-a-tiny-void @0body0disphoria0 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @samsoble @jamieweasley13 @y4r3luv @xtkxkrzrizir @un-knownperson @greekgeek24 @justdrugsformethanks @potato-of-the-lord @notaqueenakhaleesi @swimmingbirdrunningrock @queenie-ofthe-void @nebulainajar @lil-gremlin-things @nicememerino @robininblue @hornedqueenofhell @anne-bennett-cosplayer @moomkin77 @here4thetrama @bookworm0690 @autumncrocusandladybug @lil-gremlin-things @littlebluejane
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milgram-tournament · 4 months
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MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 3 THROW DOWN vs. THIS IS HOW TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU
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Propaganda for both options under the cut!
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Propaganda for THROW DOWN:
silly point is that throw down was my top song for this past year and i havent even been into milgram that long so. good song. also i sang it on stage once so. anyway
Flower imagery!!!! god i love flower imagery
the vocals are good
it has a banger es cover too
"ethics are a delusion" is singlehandedly the funniest line to come out of the t1 songs
the mv is SO pretty like. holy shit
the first note constantly jumpscares me
also i like the clock sounds in the background of the verses
the instrumental,,,,
throwdown is just a really nice. calmish song that still has the whole desperation thing conveyed through his voice props to va for that cuz its relatively subtle but really adds to it imo
im reiterating that ethics is a delusion is the funniest thing to me
also i really like the bridge (the whisper part)
irrelevant to the song itself but i like his fit in throw down i'd wear that irl
gardening/pruning as imagery is so fun for a surgeon character
also vocally i just really like throw down its calm sounding yet theres a hint of like. desperation? despair? in his voice and thats really cool to me
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Jackalope's note: Only one propaganda piece... hmmhehe. Well, I'm glad our resident pretty girl got tons of asks! But I feel a little bad about Shidou, so let's let him argue his case at least! Oi! Shidou! Get over here! Oi! Sheesh, it's like he can't even hear me! This is why I need to send the reminders early...
(mod's propaganda: While I love both songs very much, Throw Down has a special place for me in that I can actually sing it. You sing way too fast, Mappi!! I also just think using flower imagery both made the MV one of the prettiest ones we have yet and helped distance both the viewer and shidou himself to the reality of his sin... I also really like the ethics is a delusion bit lol)
Propaganda for TIHTBILWY:
okay so like the thing im most in love with: the VOCALS!!!! this song has an absolutely AMAZING singer and AMAZING vocals!!!! the way the conversational talk-singing lines still feel so musical!!!! the cute cute cuteeeee mahiru voice!!!! it brings you so much energy!!!! its a song sung with so much love!!!! mahirus va brings such an amazing feel to the song with such amazing talk-singing!!!! its very skillfully done and it happens in i love you too!! mahiru songs r the QUEENS of musical talk singing
the silly phone call bit. kurururu~!
the little vocal flourish and the way her voice raises up like an excited exclamation in the final prechorus!! daijoubu nante kirai DA!
its such a fast song but everything flows so well!!!! it makes it feel so bright and cheery and peppy!!
the instrumental is so underrated just LISTEN to that catchy bass line thats so pretty in the verses!!!! no for real even if u dont vote this is how to be in love with you go listen to the bass line in the verses it works to move both the song and the listener forward at mahirus sweeping breakneck pace. and the cute keyboard sounding and synth instruments!!!! its SUCH a danceable song!!!! i cant listen to it without bopping along in my seat
the way the ominous bits are subtly hidden? it all sounds so cute but there are just these Things that she sings that are really kind of concerning and unhealthy when she sings them!! and the veiled desperation to be in her relationship- listening to that and the cheery tone and breakneck, quick song pace, it really does represent mahiru SO well. she throws in all these little bits that just go noooo teehee the relationships just fine!! when it REALLY isnt
i would listen to mahiru talk for hours
the MV!!!!!! HER FASHION SENSE THE MAGAZINE STYLE!!!! the magazine style especially works so well with her character!!!! its so cute and stunning and just looking at it you have a blast. also her birdcage!!!! her birdcage and the bright orange and the pink bars!!!! the way everything desaturates and becomes more sickly looking when she wakes up at the end!!!! its such a happy carefully curated and designed dream and then it drains away!!!! also god all her outfits are stunning. mahiru call me
the way she sings "overheat de~!" cutest thing in the WORLD.
the little faces she makes!!!! godddd shes so expressive
actually the whole songs so expressive!!!! shes putting her all into it!!!! her words have so much expression in them!!!! once more praising mahirus va the way her voice can soften and become bright or subtly desperate so quickly is MASTERFUL control of expression when singing and its so underrated. join me in being insane over miho okasaki delivers her lines. shes such a perfect mahiru.
funniest es cover. hands down. funniest es cover.
this is how to be in love with you is FREE serotonin!!!! free energy right there!!!! this is how to be in love with you sweep!!!!!
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-The song is so cheerful!! I always feel like dancing and singing when this one comes up in my playlists!! Absolute banger, mood definer, kicking sadness in the shin with those high-heels and then hitting its face with a cute purse -THE HIGH-HEELS STEPPING TO THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC IN THAT ONE SCENE (0:50). SIMPLY ICONIC. NO ONE DID IT LIKE HER. -👠💅👝👗 -She is slaying. Look at her outfits. She put so much effort there. She gave it her all. Absolutely serving. -SUKITTE KIMOCHI WAKATTA TSUMORI? NARA KONO MAMA FUTARI O-VA-HI-TO- DE -The storyline of the mv MAKES SENSE and you can form a COHESIVE TIMELINE OF EVENTS (unlike other unspecified contestants' mvs you know 🙄) -look at herr 🥺 she beby 🥺 all she did was love too much 🥺 we all love mappi don't we 🥺 she deserved more let her win this pleease 🥺 -No medical malpractice happened in the making of this mv 👍
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I care so much about This is How To Be In Love With You- it's visuals are brilliant in the ways it conveys its themes and narrative. I'm never normal Ever about the "Love as marketing" symbolism that is brought in by the use of magazines. It's a lovely upbeat song but the Horrors are Always Lurking under it, the breakup Ritual line is my Favorite Line cause its so horrifying but its said so casually and its so good oh its so good-
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picafreesita · 16 days
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🌈2🌈
"I've never seen you around here. Who are you?" Asked the little man
This one was a little smaller than me. He had yellow skin and wearing colorful pants along with a blue cardigan, a white shirt, and a red scarf tied around his neck, but what stood out the most about him was his blue Presley-style pompadour. Something in me told me that I knew him but I didn't know from where with an appearance like that he should be easy to remember.
"Where am I?" was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
"Home" His voice was soft and calm.
"Home?" I asked confused, I looked around and saw him again.
"You don´t answer my question"
"...Jolly, my name is Jolly"
"Nice to meet you, Jolly" He responded with a smile "Tell me, How long have you moved to this town?"
"No, I´m just passing through. I'm a...a visitor"
"A visitor?" He asked confused
We both remained silent as we looked at each other, it had become a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere, I could even be sure that at one point his gaze faded.
"What do you think if I introduce you to the other neighbors?" He asked briskly and before answering he took my hand and led me towards that group. For someone his size he had a certain strength, the closer we got the others stood up and looked toward us remaining like the little man in silence with a smile plastered on his face.
"Hi neighbors"
He waved and the others automatically moved normally.
"Hi, Wally!" said the blonde girl with small orange horns. Wally? That name echoed in my mind.
"Who is your new friend?" asked the blue dog with the hat.
"Her name is Jolly"
"...oh, hi" I introduced myself
"Dear, what happened to you? It seems like you're hurt?" The big bird asked in a motherly and worried tone.
"It's nothing, I just…got dirty while…looking for my friend" I responded with a somewhat awkward smile as I let go of Wally's grip.
"Your friends?" Asked the sun-headed girl "Where are your friends?"
"For now...I don't know but I have to go look for them, it was a pleasure to have met them" I said scratching the back of my head, I hoped that this way would free me from that encounter but suddenly:
GROOOWWWWW
That sound seemed to have silenced everyone else…I didn't know my stomach could be so noisy, in fact, I didn't know I had a stomach.
The dog laughed and said:
"Looks like someone is hungry"
"It's almost time. How about you stay and eat with us and then you can go look for your friends?" the big bird suggested.
"Yes, stay! Poppy's cooking is so tasty" said the girl with the horns.
"You should also try their cookies, they are incredibly delicious!" said the man dressed as a mailman.
Poppy answered:
"Guys, you flatter me, I only cook because of the love I have for you" She laughed shyly.
"So, will you stay?"
I turn to look.
"I guess I can't leave on an empty stomach" I replied
I couldn't trust this place but I didn't have much choice at that time.
"Very good," Poppy said.
Everyone was happy except the gray guy. They began to move from one place to another so they could organize a cookout. I watched as the dog carried a table, and the postman and his partner brought the chairs. The girls along with Wally cutlery.
Poppy walked inside the red house that reminded me of a barn, I just stood still while I watched everyone put everything in its place.
"Dear, can you help me with this?" Poppy asked me from a distance.
When I arrived she handed me a covered green saucepan that smelled pretty good.
"Go and put it on the table" She turned me around and with a light touch of her wings she gave me a push. I walked around and most of the things were already on the table. I noticed the only thing missing were the drinks to accompany our meal but then a rather tall man arrived and shouted with joy:
"I brought the drinks!"
When I saw him, I noticed that in his four arms, he was carrying several bottles while he walked with his four legs, I had never seen someone like that, he seemed to be a kind of worm man unlike Warren, a worm I "met" in the pink house, Everyone sat at the table to eat, Wally sat next to me.
Today's meal was a kind of stew with seeds and its garnishes. Before taking the first bite I thought:
Wait a minute, can I eat? The whole time I've been awake I haven't thought about eating, but why can I do it now? Why did I feel hungry? I had to eat or else they would start questioning me even more, I returned to my plate and just watched, soon I felt as if my stomach wanted to eat itself. I picked up the fork again with a bite, put the piece of stew in my mouth and soon an explosion of flavors came towards me.
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I took another bite, and another, and another. Without realizing it, everything had ended for me.
"Wow, it looked like you were going to eat the plate too," the dog said jokingly
"I'm sorry for my bad manners but…it was very delicious"
"I'm very happy that you like my food so much, take a little more" Poppy said as she served me the same plate.
"Save room for dessert," said the sun-headed girl.
They laughed happily. The rest of the hour passed very pleasantly with conversations about the cheese pies and which one was the best, and I also knew the name of each one of them: the mailman and his partner were Eddie and Frank; the girl with the orange horns, Julie; the caterpillar man was Howdy; the sun-headed girl was Sally; the blue dog with a hat, Barnaby; the big colorful bird, poppy; and lastly, wally.
After clearing the table and leaving everything clean and in its place. I was grateful for the food and left to return the way I had come in the first place.
It calmed me a little to feel that they were not dangerous, one of the few encounters with beings that did not want to kill me.
I hadn't noticed it but the forest was full of trees that had leaves of all colors. I walked around the place leaving marks with the scissors to make a kind of guide so I wouldn't get lost if that were the case.
After a couple of minutes I realized something…
Nothing, there was nothing that gave me a hint of a route back to the pink house. I walked waiting for a change in the atmosphere, suddenly, my foot collided with something, when I looked down I could see that it was an orange cable, one of those that are long electrical extensions, I couldn't confuse it with anything else from that magical forest. When I touched it I felt its plasticized texture.
"This place is like the pink house," I said to myself with a grimace.
CRACK!
A branch had cracked behind me, and someone had followed me.
I firmly grabbed the scissors hidden under the cloak and said in a serious tone:
"come out of your hiding place"
I turned around looking around for any sign of my stalker and they didn't take me by surprise.
This must have been something from Lesley, it was clear that she was not going to let go of me easily. The hatred that woman had for me went beyond normal, she watched attentively, ready to fight against whatever wanted to kill me.
At that point I saw how some yellow spikes were sticking out of the bush: it was Sally accompanied by Julie and Wally.
When I saw them I sighed with exhaustion.
"What are you doing here?" I asked them a little more calmly but my irritation was evident.
They had told me that they were worried that I might have gotten lost in the lush forest.
"Besides, it's already starting to get dark and it can be quite dangerous," Sally said worriedly.
It was true, I looked up and saw that the sky had been painted in orange and violet tones.
"Thank you for worrying but I think I will be fine…I am strong... and I can look for a cave... or an empty log to sleep and continue my search in the morning"
For a second I noticed how Julie was frowning as if…
she was nervous
"That doesn't sound comfortable at all," she gave a small nervous laugh.
"How about you stay at my house? I have amazing soft pajamas…Oh! What if we have a sleepover?" She moved her hands with excitement.
"I don't know… I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable" I kindly excused myself.
"On the contrary! I'm very happy to make a new friend" She was still in doubt if she should accept the offer.
"Don't worry, Julie doesn't bite…sometimes" Wally said with his soft smile.
I looked at everyone's faces and in the case of the girls they seemed to beg her to accept the offer, a fear like that couldn't be acted upon.
"…okay, I'll stay at your house tonight" I responded.
The girls got excited, Julie came over and took my hands. It seemed like stars were coming out of her eyes.
"We're going to have a lot of fun," she said with a smile that marked relief.
The four of us started walking back to the neighborhood, I was the last one watching as the rest led me. When we arrived the floras began to light up as the sky darkened.
🌈1<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>🌈3
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sacchiri · 18 days
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I recently bought the jp volumes of Hellsing along with the guidebook, and since I'm reading the series in its native language for the first time I might as well share some random things that stood out to me in no particular order.
This isn't meant to be an analysis of translation differences, I'm too lazy for that. Also it's been 12 years since I've watched the anime and read the low quality fan scans of the manga so some of these comments are just "Lol, forgot this was a thing"
Volume 1
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... I really want to know who this guy is at the beginning, yelling at Alucard in overly familiar language to "Get your shit together!" and "You're the only one we can count on!!". We know from the style of speech that it's a dude, probably just some Hellsing rando, and maybe it's not all that strange since he has probably been working with the same soldiers for years--but it's still funny.
"I know, it's just so nice out :("
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..The way "HELLSING Organization" is spelled out like this reminds me that apparently the name is supposed to be an acronym. No really.
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...
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God they're so silly.
Now that I think about it, the only thing Seras has done this chapter since being turned into a vampire is say "I'm sorry" over and over.... girl you got shot in the lung, why are you apologizing
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Not a huge difference, but what Integra actually says here is "Leaving a corpse here for 20 years... You're a terrible person too, Father" and not "What were you thinking, Father?" as the Dark Horse translation suggests (note the lack of question mark in the raw version). I thought that might be of interest to some.
Something else I thought was interesting is the first line Alucard ever says to Integra, and how uncharacteristically polite he sounds.
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O-kega wa gozaimasenka- That's two honorific 御's back to back! (He even said them in kanji, even Walter isn’t that straightlaced and he’s literally the butler.) This is also the only time Alucard uses this overly flowery gentlemanly language with her, and good thing too because it would be so annoying if he spent the whole manga ending his sentences with ~gozaimasu.
What I'm trying to get at is, after seeing this sentence in the Japanese version, I'm like 100% sure he actually heard her when she was mumbling to herself about hoping to find a knight in shining armor, and he was totally going the extra mile in playing into that role for their first encounter. Which is kind of sweet.
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Lol they misspelled Alucard on the top left... or rather, they incorrectly spelled it right?
One would normally expect Alucard to be written アルカード, and indeed pixiv dict lists アーカード as a misspelling (the u sound is weak in Japanese, so it's easy to mishear arukādo as ākādo). Hirano was definitely aware of the correct spelling though, since he used it in the pilot chapter and in his old character sheets. It was only when the manga officially began that he switched to the アーカード spelling. I doubt it was because of copyright issues because there is already a long precedent of vampire characters named アルカード in various old manga, OVA, and games in Japan that have coexisted without issue (like this guy Hirano mentions in volume 1's afterword).
Most likely Hirano simply thought it looked better, or was a means of differentiating his character from the others somehow. It certainly makes life easier for Japanese fans searching for fanart since アーカード is only going to bring up Hellsing and not the Castlevania character.
Jan Valentine even pokes fun at the spelling discrepancy later in volume 2, but since there wasn't a good way of expressing this in English it was left untranslated.
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(Speaking of spelling inconsistencies, there's a lot of minor details I'm noticing now, like half the time the furigana for 吸血鬼 is written バンパイア and the other half it's ヴァンパイア... anyway)
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Um, just noticed literally everyone's wearing glasses What should I do
Hirano's habit of jotting random comments underneath his panels is one of the underrated perks of reading the manga
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The Dark Horse translation almost makes it sound like she's looking forward to seeing this battle play out, while in the Japanese she simply sounds apprehensive. Almost as if she's worried about them? And she's going out on the field personally to make sure nothing bad happens? Aww
Ok this is a weird tangent, but I just noticed the scans of the Dark Horse version I've been looking at use a slightly larger image range than the Japanese version does. It was only noticeable when I got to this part:
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The second image is what the Japanese version of the scan looks like and I can confirm that this is what it looks like in my physical volume as well. You shouldn't be seeing the messy borders of the inking on the bottom like that.
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Manga manuscripts are set up so that there are a few millimeters of bleed border around each page. You're supposed to color and line all the way up to (4) while keeping in mind that printing and paper cutting may result in the image being trimmed up to (3).
Either Hirano didn't color his lines all the way to (4) (this man has been drawing manga for years but this is Hirano we're talking about so it's very possible), or Dark Horse didn't honor the original bleed borders of the manuscript. I'm kind of leaning towards the former since there was a Hellsing exhibit in Japan a few years back where you could look at Hirano's original manuscripts and there's one where you can clearly see that he spilled a mug of tea or coffee across the entire page
Anyway, it's weird, and I'm curious to see if someone that owns a physical copy in English can confirm whether theirs actually looks like that. It's volume 1, page 141.
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taizi · 3 months
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where nothing hurts and nothing breaks
one piece word count: 3k written for the its pirates server sake exchange ! my other giftee was @incomprehensi-bull who asked for zoro and sanji interaction. sal i really hope you enjoy this <;3 title borrowed from safe by banners
read on ao3
x
“Remember,” the pretty girl with tangerine-colored hair says for the fifth time, her smile a fixed, gritted thing on her face, “Sanji is very small right now. The Devil’s Fruit effect isn’t going to wear off for another week at least. If you try to roughhouse with him the way you usually do, he will get hurt, and I will kill you with my hands. Understood?”
“You could try,” the green-haired man replies mildly. 
“Why are we leaving Zoro in charge of babysitting again?” the man with the long nose says, to no one in particular. “I mean, we can all agree that this is going to be an absolute disaster, right?”
Zoro scowls, but the skeleton says, “Right,” at the same time the man with the long white hair and bright orange horns says, “I mean, yeah,” and everyone else nods along. 
Yonji would have been furious to be made fun of in any capacity. Sanji holds his breath and waits for Zoro to snap at the rest of them, to use his size against everyone smaller than he is, but all he does is lean back against the railing and cross his arms. He looks unbothered to the point of falling asleep standing up.
It’s weird. 
“I’m not a baby,” Sanji thinks it’s important to point out. He’s eight years old, which is a lot of years. He thinks his years are longer than most people’s, because he hasn’t felt like the little kid he used to be in ages. That little kid grew up when mama died.
“We know,” the tall woman tells him, her eyes very gentle. She always looks at Sanji like she understands him completely. It’s nice, even if it makes him feel kind of sad. He wonders if she had big brothers who hated her, too, or if it was just her dad. He thinks it wouldn’t be polite to ask, so he doesn’t. “You’re practically a gentleman.” 
“Sanji can come shopping with us if he wants!” the reindeer says eagerly. He’s sitting on the robot’s broad shoulder and pats it like he’s inviting Sanji up there, too. They’re both small enough that Sanji could probably fit even without asking the rabbit-girl on the robot’s other shoulder to get down to make room. 
Weathered yellow fills his vision as the brim of a worn straw hat slips over his eyes. 
“Nope, it’s Zoro’s turn!” the captain replies brightly. That’s Luffy, with a scar under his eye that curves like a smile, and arms that don’t really look strong but can hold Sanji forever without getting tired. Sanji tips the hat back in time to look up at Luffy’s grinning face. “He and Sanji will have fun today and tonight they can tell us all about it!” 
Everyone heaves a sigh, but no one argues. Luffy doesn’t throw his weight around like Captain Chas on The Orbit does, but he’s very stubborn in a way that reminds Sanji of the spoiled little kids on the cruise ship who get underfoot at dinner and demand dessert before all their vegetables are gone. In similar fashion, Luffy mostly gets his way because his crew loves him too much to deny him. It’s a strange sort of authority for a pirate captain to have, but it seems to work for them just fine. 
Sure enough, Zoro’s shoulders go back just a little, and he levels Luffy with one unblinking dark eye. Accepting the terms and conditions. 
Sanji tries not to be nervous. It isn’t fair to compare Zoro and Yonji just because they look similar. 
Zoro looks like the kind of person Yonji is going to grow up to be—has grown up to be, somewhere else in this strange future Sanji is living in—and he seems to enjoy scathing arguments as much as Yonji does, too. But he hasn’t hurt anyone smaller than him that Sanji has seen. 
In fact, the smallest member of the crew clambers around on Zoro like he’s a walking jungle-gym, and scolds him viciously when he doesn’t take care of himself, and looks up at him with round, bright eyes all the rest of the time. Chopper acts as though Zoro is among the very last people in the world he would ever have cause to fear. 
Sanji’s so used to being afraid that he hardly knows how else to be. The people here who call themselves his real family make it hard to be, though. He absorbs their brightness and silliness and fondness every day and slowly learns how to stop holding his breath. 
The Sunny is docked for the day at a busy, bustling resort island, with enough lights and billboards that you can see the shine of it for miles across the water. There’s a big map on the wharf, twice as tall as Franky, that notes all the places of interest—shrines up in the mountains, a sprawling sea-side spa to the west, an amusement park further inland, the bright green and yellow loops of a rollercoaster visible above everything else, and hundreds of shops and restaurants scattered all in between. 
The Strawhats—that’s who these pirates were, who Sanji himself was, apparently—split up in twos and threes where the road forked but Sanji and Zoro didn’t even make it that far, because there was a market selling produce and all kinds of fresh fish and local goodies right there in the port, and Sanji only had to cast one curious look toward a cart towering with brightly-colored fruits for Zoro to start walking that way. He clears a path for Sanji through the bustling crowd like it’s nothing. 
“If you buy more than you carry, don’t cry to me about it,” Zoro says in the same indifferent tone he says everything in. 
“I won’t!” Sanji promises, not sure if he means he won’t buy that much or he won’t cry about it. 
He was given money—real, actual Bellies—and told in no uncertain terms to come find Nami if he ran out. He doesn’t see how he could! There’s so much in the bag she gave him! 
He says as much to Zoro, half-afraid to spend it all just in case it was a mistake. Zoro replies, “Our grocery budget is half of what it usually is while our cook is on vacation. We’re eating simple.” He nudges Sanji’s head with his elbow without taking his hands out of his pockets. “We don’t usually survive off sandwiches and eggs and soup, you know.”
Sanji figured that must be true, because of how grand their ship is, and because his grown-up friends seem to have fun taking turns cooking meals but they’re just clueless enough in the kitchen that it’s obvious they don’t spend a lot of time in there.
“I can cook,” Sanji says for what feels like the hundredth time. “I can cook for all of you.”
“What part of ‘vacation’ did you miss?” Zoro tells him without missing a beat. “Shut up and look at that weird fish.”
Sanji looks before he can help it. That sure is a weird fish! He forgets to keep arguing his case in favor of darting over to ask the fishmonger a dozen rapid-fire questions about their catch that they answer cheerfully. 
Contrary to what he said before, Zoro carries all the shopping. The vendors hand the goods over Sanji’s head every time, even though he’s the one forking over the gold for it. The swordsman is very big and strong, and probably all those parcels and purchases weigh absolutely nothing to him, but it’s the principle of the thing. 
Sanji tries to imagine Yonji carrying anything for him at all just to be nice. The daydream falls apart instantly, because Yonji only ever took things from Sanji to break them. 
“Do you promise you’ll give it back?” he musters the courage to ask, clinging to the cookbook a kind old woman just sold him, unwilling to let it go without making sure. She had smiled and said she was certain her family’s recipes would be in good hands with him and Sanji doesn’t want to prove her wrong before he gets a chance to even try. “You have to promise.”
Zoro gazes down at him with that inscrutable look on his face he’s worn all day. He could probably take the book from Sanji pretty easily but he doesn’t yank it away or twist his wrist until he lets go. They just stand there, sizing each other up. Sanji’s nerves mount with every second but he doesn’t back down.
Yonji would have hurt him already and laughed about it. The first mate of the Strawhat crew simply says, after enough time that Sanji knows he’s taken it seriously, “Promise.”
Surprised, Sanji lets the book go, and watches it get tucked away in an oversized tote bag with the rest of his little treasures. Then Zoro just stands there looking at him, one eyebrow higher than the other, waiting for Sanji to go chasing after the next thing that catches his eye.
Back on the Sunny, Zoro was goaded easily into fights with his friends, and seemed short-tempered any time he wasn’t napping on the grassy deck or drinking from bottles Sanji wasn’t allowed to touch. He didn’t cause problems on purpose, the way Sanji’s younger brother enjoyed doing, but he seemed to have sharp edges and Sanji didn’t know how to get close to him without getting pricked. 
But he thinks about how Chopper looks at Zoro. He thinks about the mice in the castle that would run from his siblings but cozy up in Sanji’s hands. Animals know. And then he thinks about the way Luffy trusts Zoro, how he doesn’t have to look to know Zoro will be right where he needs him. Everyone on the crew is quick to tease him and make fun and none of them are scared. 
Zoro could have gone with Luffy and the others, but he’s spending the day with Sanji instead. He hasn’t even been mean about it. Sanji abruptly feels really bad about not handing the cookbook over right away.
“My brother has green hair,” he blurts, then stares at the cobblestones beneath his shoes in acute mortification. Why did he say that?
“I know,” the swordsman says, the last thing on earth Sanji expected him to say. “I heard all about your brothers.”
He says it like he’s not impressed by them in the slightest. It’s a weird way for someone to talk about Sanji’s brothers—they’re the best, they’re everything they were supposed to be, and Sanji is the one that went wrong. 
Abruptly, Zoro points at a bench. “Go sit. I think your blood sugar is getting low. If you pass out on me, I’ll never hear the end of it.” 
Sanji finds himself bundled onto the bench with the tote bag in his lap. Zoro set it there as if it was a paperweight that would keep Sanji from blowing off somewhere. That was kind of annoying! Sanji isn’t a baby and he isn’t gonna run off by himself, he’s not stupid. 
But the swordsman is only gone for a few minutes when Sanji’s attention is grabbed by something across the street. There’s a grizzled-looking man lounging in the shade of his stall, flicking through what looks like a waterlogged ledger. There are a bunch of crates and cages stacked around him that are empty—except for one. 
There’s a distressed bird crammed into a cage so small that it can’t move except to shuffle in place, its head ducked so that its long narrow beak doesn’t hit the bars. It’s making a harsh ticking noise, high and tight and anxious. Sanji shoves the bag off his knees and jumps to his feet, weaving through the crowd and ducking down to his hands and knees before the man behind the stall clocks him. He crawls the rest of the way to the birdcage and lifts it down from the cart into his lap. 
The bird stops vocalizing, looking up at him with darting black eyes, its chest heaving. Sanji whispers, “I know how you feel. Let me help.”
But there’s a lock on the cage, and even as Sanji tugs at it, he knows it’s useless. He’s decided to just take the cage away with him when a fist closes in the back of his jacket and he’s hauled all the way off his feet.
He yelps, flailing in midair, and only barely manages not to drop the bird. 
“The hell do you think you’re doing?” the man asks, sounding more bewildered than angry. He wrenches the cage out of Sanji’s hands and then drops him. 
Sanji lands with an oof on the street, and he automatically curls his limbs in, making himself a smaller target. If he tucks his fingers into fists and hides them under his arms, there’s less of a chance his brothers will break them just for fun. He curls his hands into fists but he doesn’t hide them. The fear is in the back of his mind, but it’s not the loudest thing in there. He’s lived on the Sunny for days now where bravery and goodness come before everything and he must have absorbed some of that, because he’s shaking under the sharp eyes of a big, unfriendly stranger, but he still says, “You should let it go.”
“What was that?”
“You’re not taking good care of it,” Sanji says, louder, “so you should let it go.”
The man’s mouth twists in an unkind sneer. “And I should just toss my Bellies into the Blue while I’m at it, eh? That’s not how it works, whelp.” 
The bird is moving around in the cage again, making that dry clicking noise again and rucking its orange and blue feathers up in its anxious bid to get free or somehow create more space. Sanji remembers being tossed behind bars, no respite and no rescue and no one left in his life who cared if he was hungry or cold or afraid. He can feel the metal helmet that encased his head as clearly as if it’s still there. He remembers crying so hard it made him lightheaded, clinging to those bars and wishing he was anything like his siblings, if only so he was strong enough to save himself.
“It’s not your bird, it’s its own bird,” Sanji shouts. “It wants out!” 
The man shifts his weight. Maybe he was going to step forward, or turn around and go back behind his stall, or maybe he wasn’t going to move at all. Sanji will never know, because at that moment a shadow falls over him, and he knows without having to look that Zoro has come back. 
“There a reason he’s on the ground?” Zoro asks. He almost sounds conversational. “Hope it’s a good one.”
The man obviously feels much differently about giving Zoro the same attitude he gave Sanji. He hesitates to answer right away, staring up at the swordsman the way that little bird probably stared up at him when he stuffed it into that stupid little cage. The way Sanji looks up at Judge and hopes for anything else besides what he knows is going to happen.
“He started helping himself to my wares,” the man settles for saying. “Maybe you ought to teach him a bit about how the world works before you let him loose on it. He’s gonna get himself into trouble running his mouth at the wrong guy.”
Sanji is waiting for the moment when he’ll have to defend himself, to make his case, but it never comes. Zoro doesn’t even ask what happened, he just plants himself like a tree in the middle of the confrontation and lets Sanji shelter safely in his shadow, as steady and immovable as the castle walls of Germa Kingdom.
“And are you the wrong guy?” Zoro says, very interested in the answer. He’s got some grilled skewers in one hand and the tote bag that Sanji abandoned in the other, but even without easy access to the swords at his hip, he is not a person anyone would want to get on the wrong side of. That grumpy sleeping dragon that lounges lazily on the deck of the Sunny is gone and the creature left behind is wide-awake and hungry.
Speaking a little faster, the man says, “Look, mate, I’m just trying to make a living here. If I gave away my beasts every time a tender-hearted little brat teared up over them, I’d be out of business.”
Zoro just says, “He’s eight years old and already more of a man than you’ll ever be. You put your hand on him, and you still have your hand. That is more good luck than most people get in a lifetime. Make it count.”
Sanji is not actually surprised when the man snatches up his ledger book and the handle of his cart, ready to make tracks. The bird is left behind, and Sanji picks himself up and hurries over to scoop the cage back into his arms. The bird makes a sound at him like something is rattling in his throat, but it sounds slightly calmer than before. 
When he looks up at Zoro, he finds Zoro already gazing back down at him. He holds out the birdcage and says, “There’s a lock. Will you help?”
“I could break it open, but it might cut itself on the metal. It’s not safe to let it out here, anyway,” Zoro says. “Let’s head back home and get Usopp to pick it open. For now carry it in one hand and eat some of these, tough guy.”
Sanji agreeably accepts a skewer of grilled squid and walks close enough to Zoro that he bumps into him every couple of steps. The bird sticks its beak through the bars and snaps at one of the curly tentacles, sneaking a bite so cleanly that Sanji laughs in sheer delight. He shares the rest of that skewer, as well as the next one Zoro passes him with pieces of tender zucchini and shrimp. 
“Didn’t know you liked birds,” he says.
“I don’t really,” Sanji says. “I just like this one. Do you know what kind it is?”
“Robin will,” Zoro replies with the unremarkable certainty in his nakama that Sanji is still in the middle of learning. “What makes this one so special?”
“We understand each other, that’s all,” Sanji says. He focuses on keeping the hungry beak away from his fingers when he adds, “I was in a cage, too.”
Zoro stops walking. Sanji doesn’t want to look up at him and see the face that he’s making, because then he won’t be able to force the truth out. And he wants to. He feels safe enough to do that now, for the first time since he woke up in this strange, bright, wonderful, silly family. He thought it would be Luffy he told, or Robin, or little Chopper, but it’s not any of them. 
It’s Zoro. The one who lets his siblings crawl all over him and poke fun and start fights, and only ever turns his teeth on any person outside their family who means them harm. The one who never steps in where he isn’t wanted, but keeps careful watch for the moment that he’s needed. Of course it’s him. 
“My brothers are mean to me,” he admits in a whisper. “Yonji likes to hurt me. I’m sorry I thought you were like him. You’re not.” 
There’s a moment of stillness, the two of them standing in an out-of-the-way corner, the noise and bustle of the market all pushed into the background. And then, without warning, for the second time that day, Sanji is lifted right off his feet. He squeaks in surprise, but he’s settled on Zoro’s shoulders a second later, and grips at his green hair to steady himself with the hand that isn’t clutching the birdcage. 
He stares, wide-eyed, out at this view he’s never been given before. 
“Next time we see your brother, I’ll beat him up,” Zoro says without preamble. “I won’t stop until you’re satisfied. And that’s a promise.” 
Sanji hugs the bird closer, and breathes in a deep lungful of air that tastes like salt and brine and certain freedom. He can see the ocean from here, and their colorful ship bobbing on the water, waiting for them no matter how far away they wander. 
“But you’re on your own with Nami when she sees that bird,” the swordsman adds plainly. 
Sanji holds the little bird a little closer and smiles. He understands his nakama much better now than he did even earlier this morning. Zoro might say one thing, but he really means another. Sanji is not on his own at all. Maybe he hasn’t been on his own in a long time. 
(A week later, with the Devil's Fruit effects finally negated, Sanji is searing scallops in the kitchen, following one of the recipes in his new cookbook, and Zoro is day-drinking at the table, and Stella the common kingfisher is sticking her nosy beak into spice jars where it doesn't belong.
Sanji says, “I’m releasing you from your promise.” When Zoro glances at him, he adds, “You don’t have to beat up my brother. I’m more than capable of doing that myself.”
For a moment, the swordsman doesn’t speak. He and Luffy can have entire conversations in a few seconds of absolute silence, but Sanji is not quite there yet. He waits with newfound patience for Zoro to come to whatever decision he’s making, rewarded when Zoro says, “No, I’m going to. I have it on good authority that he was mean to a friend of mine.”
Sanji scoffs and looks away, busying himself with the food, so that no one sees his helpless smile except for the obnoxious little bird that his present friend harangued Nami into letting him keep.)
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demonslayedher · 2 months
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Not-very-spoilery thoughts on the movie release of Pillar Training (+SSV conclusion)
Behind a cut anyway just in case!
--Very nice to hear familiar background music brought back--Yuukaku themes when Uzui & his wives appear, Mitsuri's "Koi Kogare" BGM when she has a good batch of lines, Giyuu's BGM as he's like, "bye"
--I am very happy with the new OP, both sound and imagery-wise.
--One very short clip in particular made me, a fanfic writer, very very happy, but then there was more gratuitous focus that reminded me of another one of my best fanfics. The rewards of writing fic as closely based on canon as I could get them gives me the satisfaction of feel liking like canon-based imagery honors my fics by extension.
--Speaking of imagery in general, Ufotable is finding lots of ways to try to harp on the idea that everyone's wishes to destroy demons find their accumulation in Tanjiro, the Sun Breath user and first person in centuries to unlock the Mark. It is perhaps a little clumsy at times, but hey, that's a theme I like in this series.
--I was sad that Suma sounded so different, and had to look up afterward if she still had the same seiyuu. She does, but I think they might have given her totally different vocal direction so that she wouldn't sound too similar to Mitsuri
--Japanese crowds tend to be very quiet at movie theaters, but people could not contain their giggles at many of Mitsuri's lines
--I had the honor of sitting next to a huuuuuuuge fangirl who before the moving was saying stuff to her friends like, "(Hanae) Natsuki-san was at USJ the other day, and since it's a VR ride, you know, you have to wear the goggles, and I think, what if I wear the pair that he wore??? You know?? Our faces??? Would be so close?????" and then at the review of previous seasons at the beginning of the show, she started crying the instant the Mugen Ressha part started. Not loud crying, but crying.
--You can tell everyone was waiting for the "welcome back" scene, and although I thought Zenitsu would steal the show in that scene, it was indeed Nezuko. In the seiyuu greeting that was broadcast across all Japanese theaters on the opening day, Shimono-san noted that he thinks the audio was turned down on his performance of that scene. I think it was probably was too.
--So much happy daily life in this episode. If you have any friends who complained about last year's theater showing being a let-down because it was just regular anime episodes instead of a Mugen Train style movie, please tell them to just sit this one out and spare us their complaints. Most of this showing was just Tanjiro having a nice time after having a panic attack over Nezuko (oh, and like, killing Upper Moon Four, that too).
--Shinobu's hair seems distinctly longer. Giyuu's hair seems distinctly fluffier.
--Ufotable has put a lot of touches into humanizing Amane
--I wish Ufotable would stop trying to drive the "Zenitsu thinks Aoi is happy to see him (just because Aoi is a girl)" point. First off, yes, Zenitsu being a creep to girls is played up a bit in the anime. Second, the first fanbook states that the only kind of girl who is not so much his type is the Aoi-type.
--Also, on the promo art, I like the design they gave Shinobu's sword, but that's ignoring the fact that the four engraved kanji characters are on either side. Go ahead, Ufotable, hire me as your canon double-checker. EDIT: Oh wait, that is its sheath. Lovely, carry on.
--That said, the original filler they gave us? Gold star. Excellent. So happy with it. One... well, two tiny nitpicks that don't bother me much but stating it here would spoil it.
--One more non-spoilery thing to say about that filler: the people at Ufotable were probably like, "our fans are nerds. We already give them this, this, this, and that to nerd over. You know what else they are probably nerds for? Yeah. Let's give them that." Thank you, Ufotable. This nerd accepts and loved it.
--Tiny Nezuko filler as they set the stage talking about Muzan is probably looking for her? LOVE THAT TOUCH, at every level.
--Shinobu does have multiple goldfish, but they look a bit different?
--Genya's makes the best face in this whole episode
--Speaking of Genya, in the seiyuu greeting they had actors in big chibi costumes of the Kamaboko gang come out... PLUS GENYA. Giant chibi grumpy Genya was so, so, so, so freaking cute. Also, his seiyuu Okamoto got to join the stage with everybody and was talking about how he always used to scroll through his social media seeing the other seiyuu at KnY events and he was like, "sigh... sure looks like everyone is having fun..."
--Hanae Natsuki and his wife are big Genya fans, though, it seems
--Okamoto had a lot of trouble performing young Genya in the flashback, especially the emotional screaming. The desperation Genya always displays as he fights? That was Okamoto. --Meanwhile, Matsuoka always looks very overwhelmed at these things. I think having to embody the spirit of Inosuke terrifies him.
--IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR INOSUKE AGAIN
--Those actors in chibi costumes? The Zenitsu and Inosuke ones embodied them SO WELL. I don't usually care for those giant mascot character costumes, but these were legit so much fun to watch, like with Inosuke going right up into the cameras and Zenitsu trying to pull him back and then the two of them pushing and shoving. Zenitsu acting like he is being bullied and Inosuke showing off his muscles. I loved them. I am very sad that I will not be in town when they travel across Japan and come to my area.
--Also, the baritone voice of Oyakata-sama's personal crow? LOVED IT.
--Himejima at the the Pillar Meeting is such a statement. The new promotional material has a tag line that prominently uses one of the kanji in his name ("cry out"), and I feel like this is set-up for him to have a lot of impact later on in this season. Here's hoping!
--I am probably gonna go watch it again in a couple weeks, ufufufu
--Which is worth it for that KIZUNA NO KISEKI REMIX WHICH SOUNDED SO COOL IN SURROUND SOUND, OH MY GOSH
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dinsverdika · 6 months
Text
So... I was scrolling down on Instagram and I stumbled across a post about the "who did this to you?" trope. My mind went straight to wolfwren so I came up with this short fic. Below the cut.
"Who did this to you?" asked Shin as her thumb slid over an old wound in the middle of Sabine's back. 
Sabine took a few seconds before answering, "I don't think I even remember," she replied, "it's been so long." 
Shin's eyebrows furrowed as she inspected Sabine's back, the blue light of the moon casting through the blinds of her room's window. "You've got many wounds," she stated, "what's the point of having armour?" 
"Its purpose is to prevent worse injuries than a superficial wound," Sabine retorted. "At least, my vital organs are mostly safe," she added, tapping on her chest where her chestplate should've been. She only was wearing a bra band and a loose pair of trousers which Shin had lent to her. She was sitting on the edge of Shin's bed while this one was kneeling on the mattress behind her. Her fingers had been tracing the curves of her back, making sure to remember which spots made the Mandalorian woman shiver. 
"I don't like it," Shin finally said. 
"What don't you like?" Sabine asked. 
"That people have hurt you in the past." 
Sabine couldn't help but chuckle, "so are we really gonna pretend as if my most serious wound wasn't of your doing?" 
She turned her head around and met Shin's gaze. The humour drained off Sabine's features as Shin looked back at her seriously. Shin's blue eyes pierced right through her brown ones. Her intense gaze always managed to make her heart skip a bit before it began beating at a rapid pace; as if it was trying to overcompensate for the missed beat.
"What?" asked Sabine. No words were leaving Shin's mouth, her gaze remaining on her. "That's what happens when you don't wear armour," she reminded her. "Also, I was definitely out of practice." 
Shin was still staring at her, wearing her nerves raw. 
"Can you say something?!" she asked again. 
Instead of answering, Shin swiftly locked her lips with hers, swallowing Sabine's surprised sound. Sabine barely had the time to register what was happening that Shin had already leaned away from her, leaving Sabine with the phantom feeling of the recent kiss on her lips. 
Shin was avoiding her gaze now, focusing her attention back onto the purple-haired woman's back. Sabine turned her head back around, focusing her own attention on the wall facing her. Quietness settled once more between them. 
A few minutes of silence passed by. The shadows on the walls moved slowly as the moon rose in the sky. Shin was sitting on the balls of her feet, engrossed in her task of inspecting Sabine's back. Her touch was featherlight, Sabine couldn't help but wonder if she was even touching her and was not just using the Force. She could feel her touch through the sore muscles of her back, easing the tension out and turning them into cotton. 
It was a nice feeling. She could definitely get used to Shin's tenderness. Yet, she knew that once they were out of her room, the mask would come back on, spite coming back at full strength as if it had never left.
"You're…" began Sabine, breaking the silence, "it's difficult to understand you sometimes." 
Sabine was left with no response again, she sighed. She chose to take it easy on herself and appreciate the moment for what it was: vulnerability. For the both of them. She was barely dressed with the woman who had tried to kill her and the said woman was showing… remorse? 
"Is that what that was?" thought Sabine. 
Sabine let out another sigh, wasn't she supposed to take it easy on herself? 
She was getting sleepy, too. She nodded her head, shaking her thoughts away. Questions and difficult emotions could definitely be left unattended for a few more hours… She won't get the answers she so adamantly craved tonight. There was no point in ruminating over it. Shin was doing a great job at taking her mind away from things, too. So she just let her. 
What harm could it cause? 
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tgmsunmontue · 3 months
Text
It's all academic darlin' PART 2/10
12k+ Hangster AU. Updating 2-3 parts per week and will be finished by 31st January 2024. (Each part is ~1500 words).
Bradley is a professor but living his best life with IceMav parents. Jake is a pilot. Maverick sort-of tries (and fails) to play matchmaker, so he tries again. Touch of epistolary and sprinkling of one-sided unknown/mistaken-identity.
(Note for later parts/chapters - Ice uses sign to communicate at home, I’m typing it like sign is English despite the fact that I know it isn’t (while NZSL is my third language, I have no working knowledge on the grammar useage in ASL).)
PART TWO
                The next morning he wakes up slowly. There’s music again, although quieter, and he can smell coffee. He’d gone to bed early last night, using the excuse of the long drive, because saying he was developing a pressing headache wasn’t something he wanted to mention. He showers and inspects his bruises in the mirror, presses gently on the cuts where the stitches were removed only two days ago. Nothing feels inflamed or more tender than what should be expected.
                He grabs a black Henley from his bag and pulls it on, only feeling very mild discomfit as he moves now. It’s looser and darker colored than what he usually wears, however his usual form fitting things were dragging across the stitches, catching on them. So, he’d succumbed to Phoenix buying him some shirts that didn’t show blood every time he reached too far when playing pool or rubbed his stitches. Not that it’s a problem now that they’re gone, but the shirt reminds him that someone cared enough to help him feel comfortable. Walking toward the kitchen he finds Bradley standing at the stove, poking at the contents of a pan. Whatever it is smells good, and he hopes that there’s the intent to share.
                “Mornin’,” he greets, his voice sounding rough.
                “Hey, morning. Help yourself to coffee, or there’s tea and stuff. I’ve made some breakfast. Sorry it’s a bit, uh, mixed. I’m just trying to get through the perishables so no one has to deal with the repercussions next time we visit.”
                Jake has a closer look at the pan and sees fried potatoes with some ham and egg thrown in along with some spinach and tomatoes, small sprinkling of cheese and it smells a perfect combination of crispy-salt-fat and his mouth is watering.
                “Smells good. Thanks. You didn’t have to.”
                “Seriously man, you turning up means I won’t have to gorge myself too much today to get through everything. I don’t want to have to come back to this place and find liquified vegetables in the fridge.”
                “Learnt that lesson the hard way huh?”
                “Unfortunately,” Bradley laughs and shakes his head ruefully.
                Jake takes a breath, a shaky smile making its way onto his face in response to the wide smile and crinkling eyes. Bradley smiles so easily, like it’s natural to just be smiley and friendly and simply… good natured. Jake would bet money he doesn’t get called an asshole on the regular. Unlike him. Considering he’s Mav’s son though he might just be hiding his more asshole-ish tendencies much like Jake is ensuring he doesn’t stray from the societal norms of being the most polite and accommodating of guests.
                Bradley is making him think though, maybe finding someone who is more mild mannered and edges on too polite would balance him out. It’s not what Jake usually finds attractive, but with the year at work he’s had maybe quiet, safe, and friendly… could make a nice change. Not that he’s in a hurry for any type of relationship, but he might table it for consideration for the future, because maybe coming back to the same place, the same person, has started to have some… appeal.
                “Did you sleep okay?”
                “Yeah, better than I expected,” Jake replies, and he’s assuming the combination of drive and headache had made his brain unable to formulate its semi-regular nightmare fodder. That’s what disrupts his sleep these days, not the location.
                “That’s good. Here,” Bradley says, passing him a plate piled high with food and moving towards the dining table with his own. “You won’t get this again sorry. I’m leaving early tomorrow, so I’ll probably be gone before you get up.”
                “It’s fine. I lived plenty long enough looking after myself, I’m sure I’ll survive a couple of weeks on my own here. I didn’t expect any cooked meals when I decided to come stay. Are you driving back?”
                “No. Well, partly I guess. I’ve got a plane at Fallon, so I’ll drive there and then fly back to San Diego. Perk of the job,” Bradley says, and he grins. Jake assumes it’s a reference to Mav’s connections, that he can store a plane at Fallon and use the runway and airspace for personal use. That’s one hell of a perk. The food tastes as good as it smells and Jake lets himself savor it, enjoys the novelty of food being cooked for him.
                “Actually, I have a favor to ask. Nothing major, just… can I use you phone later? I need to make a couple of calls. First one needs to be to Mav.”
                Jake agrees easily, it’s no issue for him. They do the washing up and Bradley continues to sing along to the music playing from a portable speaker. The man doesn’t seem to care that Jake is virtually a stranger, no embarrassment at all as he belts out the words to the song being played and tries to encourage Jake to sing along as well. Jake guesses he’s someone who is truly confident, which with a new Hawaiian shirt today, easy smile, clearly happy with whatever lot he has in his life… well, Jake guesses Bradley probably is.
                He’d probably be just as happy right now with or without Jake there, singing along to himself. He clearly doesn’t feel like he needs to impress Jake, and for once Jake feels a little unsettled. Unsure about how he should act with no crowd to play up his own abilities, someone he doesn’t need to harmlessly flirt with, it leaves him without a guide book of basic social interaction and he feels unmoored. He excuses himself to go and grab his phone from his room and thumbs through to Mav’s contact and puts the call through.
                “Hello. Pete Mitchell.”
                “Hey Mav, It’s Hangman.”
                “Hangman. Good to hear from you. Did you find the place alright?”
                “Yeah. Although Bradley wasn’t expecting me. He wants to talk to you actually.”
                “He wasn’t expecting you and he can’t call me himself,” Mav says flatly. “Let me guess. He lost another phone.”
Jake barks out a laugh, because hearing Mav’s disappointed tone and not have it aimed in any way toward him makes him feel like he’s in on a private joke. And maybe he can go with a teasing thing rather than a flirting thing if this is a thing. He walks back to find Bradley lounging on the sofa, looking at something on a tablet.
                “Yeah, fell in the lake,” Jake provides and Bradley’s eyes shoot up to meet his, narrowing as he realizes that he must already be talking to Mav.
                “Jesus. That kid. I swear he goes through a phone a year. Falling in the lake is probably one of the least exciting ways it’s happened. There’s been the top of a car, wing of a plane, compressor which was a stupid prank when he was an undergraduate… Can you put him on?”
                “Yeah, of course.”
                “Hi Dad…”
                Jake moves out onto the porch, trying to be polite and give Bradley some privacy, but the other man just follows, clearly not seeming to want or need privacy as he listens to his father talking. “Yeah, I know.” “Yes. Another one.” “Please stop keeping count.” “I’m good. How’s everyone at home?” “Okay. I’m glad to hear that. Tell him I fixed the smoker.” “Yeah.” “Ugh, I know.” “You’d think so wouldn’t you?” “What? Uh, good I guess?” “Got a whole bunch of stuff done.” “Yes Mav, all the important shit.” “Jesus Mav, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, you can grill me then.” “Well, it’s not like my fridge is going to be overflowing with food, I thought the least you could do was feed me dinner.” “I knew you’d want to see me…”
                Jake listens to the one-sided conversation, can almost imagine Mav’s side. Not that he knows who else Mav might have at home, but the easy laughter and conversation makes part of him ache for what he doesn’t have with his own father. It’s a small passing ache now; he’d like to think he’s managed to work through the worst of it and accepted that the rest is something he can’t change; more importantly accepted it isn’t his responsibility to change. He listens again and the conversation has shifted to confirming times at the airstrip for take-off and he briefly wonders where the plane is stored in San Diego, because from the sounds of it Mav is picking Bradley up and Jake knows Mav has his own plane. Actually, maybe that’s the one Bradley flew here. Or they store their planes together.
                “Yeah, love you too. See you tomorrow. Did you want to talk to Jake again?”
                “Here…” Bradley says, and he passes Jake’s phone back to him before walking away back inside, leaving Jake with his privacy and he appreciates it.
                “Uh, hey Mav…”
                “Hey kid, I hope Bradley isn’t too much… you’re meant to be taking it easy and I know you didn’t break that drive up over two days like you were meant to.”
                “I’m good.”
                “You are good kid, and I want you to stay that way. It’s why we follow the orders of our doctors.”
                Jake snorts because he’s pretty sure Mav ignored half of the orders he heard prior to his retirement.
                “I’m here now, and I will do nothing but rest. Once Bradley leaves with his blisteringly bright shirts and music it’ll be the perfect place to rest and recover.”
                “He’ll get rid of both if you ask –”
                “Nah Mav, it’s kind of nice having someone not walkin’ around like I’m about to collapse any minute. He even cooked me breakfast this morning, he’s a good host.”
                Mav makes a weird choking sound and there’s mumbling he can’t make out before he clears his throat.
                “Well, I’m glad. I’m going to call you in a couple of days and check in with you, okay son?”
                “Yeah Mav, that’s fine.”
                Ending the call Jake slides his phone into his pocket, although he should really go and see if Bradley wants to use it to make the remainder of his necessary calls. He wonders what he’d have done if Jake hadn’t turned up. He should probably call home and check in with Javy and his siblings. He flicks off a couple of messages and lets them all know he’s okay. He stares out at the sparse scrubby forest, can see the shimmer of water off in the distance, looks at the lean-to stacked high with firewood and wonders what it would be like to have a place like this of his own. Somewhere he chose to be for longer than the length of a deployment, somewhere to return to. Not to one of his siblings. Not Javy. His and his alone.
                The bang of the screen door startles him and he turns to see Bradley, changed into running shorts and a loose tank.
                “I’m just going to go for a run before it gets too hot. Did you want to come with me?”
                Jake pulls a face, because normally he’d love to, but the jarring nature of running would not be great for his head. Today needs to be a rest day.
                “I’m meant to be taking it easy. Running probably isn’t the best idea.”
                The look that that new information gets him makes him wish he’d kept his mouth shut, but he’s feeling okay right now, needs to allow his body to recover after the drive yesterday if he wants to get back to flying as soon as he can. Bradley just nods his head though, accepting it without asking further questions.
                “Okay. I’ll show you the best place for swimming later, and the docking spot if you want to take a kayak or paddle board out.”
                “Sounds good,” Jake replies, failing to mention that he definitely won’t be kayaking or paddle boarding, although normally he’d love to do either of those things. Swimming sounds good though. He’s been aching to exercise in some form and swimming is something that he can gently start with. Maybe work up to the others.
                “I’ll be back in an hour or so. Make yourself at home.”
                He watches Bradley head off to what may or may not be a regularly run track before heading inside. He’s not going to snoop around, but he figures he can definitely go through the kitchen and maybe figure out what he could make for lunch. There’s an odd assortment of things, but he thinks he could cobble together some type of sandwich, but there’s no bread. Okay. This gives him something to do. He likes his bread too much not to have some on hand for a quick snack so he quickly searches for a recipe. No yeast that he can find, but there is beer, so he sets to work.
PART THREE
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hollowwrites · 7 months
Text
Where has my Cardi-gone?
(Otherwise titled clothing related waffle I thought was cute)
Not a unique idea at all but who doesn’t love a trope am I right? How our precious bois react to MC in their clothes
Am I going to ruin something from one of my fics doing this? Possibly. Do I need to force myself to write something because I feel dooky? Yes.
Garreth, Ominis, Sebastian
~
Garreth
It’s pretty obviously when Maeve is wearing something of his. It’s either offensively Red (a huge contrast to the comforting Mustard of her usual Hufflepuff attire) or it’s a knitted jumper with ‘G’ on the chest. He has thousands, he doesn’t miss the few that he gave her. But most notably, she wears his Quidditch Jersey, that he gave her after he couldn’t be bothered to join the team again in sixth year. His brews we’re more important now and it just took up space in his trunk. The edges were frayed and moth bitten but it didn’t stop Maeve panicking when she added to its distressed look. He smiles dreamily when she looks up at him, worry evident on her face.
“Garr, I’m so sorry!” She says scrubbing furiously at the sleeve now covered in a failed experiment. “I can get you another one”
“Don’t worry….” He sighs contently picking up the corner of the jersey and rubbing a thumb over one of the permanent stains “…It’s like a tapestry of our time together…” he mutters without thinking
“What do you mean?” Her brows still knit together in concern.
“Look…” he tugs softly at the garment, pulling it out for them both to look at. “…Heres where we ate chocolate frogs watching the fireworks. Here’s the hole from when you cut those Dittany Stems and dropped the knife. I nearly died that day…just a casual reminder…” he chuckled “…oh and here’s the grass stain from when we-“
“Garreth!” She scolded going red in the face. He laughed and pinched her cheek
“Point is…It’s ours now. It’s nice knowing you think of me…just a little each day”
~
Ominis
It’s pretty difficult for Ominis to know if Evelyn is wearing anything of his. He doesn’t wear flashy or outrageous clothing so feeling the texture of the clothing is out of the question. And they’re both in Slytherin so no one else knows if it’s his scarf or hers. His jumper, or hers.
He does however, recognise when she wears a certain gift.
When his fingers interlock with hers, at first, he’s irritated by the feel of cool metal against him. He holds her hand up almost offended at the change to the norm.
“What is this?” His brows furrowed in annoyance, twisting the ring between his index finger and thumb
“It’s the ring you bought me. What else would it be?” She laughs and releases his hand, opting to link with his arm instead.
“Oh…you’re wearing it…” a smug smile threatens to tug at his lips.
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I? I’ll wear it on my other hand from now on if it-“
“No no…” he takes her hand in his again, twisting the ring around her finger over and over. A small smile creeping up on his face. “…I’ll get used to it.”
He makes a mental note to buy her a ring with a huge, obviously noticeable stone in the centre…when he gains the courage to propose.
~
Sebastian
Sebastian has little to no patience. Whenever he’s waiting for Victoria to get ready or if they’re just hanging around in her room, he rifles through her things looking desperately for anything about her .
He wants to know…everything.
His eyes drift over to her unkempt bed where a long shirt sleeve can be seen sticking out from under the pillow. He pulls on the sleeve noticing the ink stain on the cuff.
“Hey Vic?” He calls to her holding the shirt between his hands a look of confusion across his face. This is his. He hadn’t seen this shirt in months…he thought he’d lost it. Why was it here?
“Hmm?” She replies finally walking back into the dorms, ready for their day out.
“Why do you have my shirt under your pillow?” He asked still staring down at it in confusion.
“You gave it me last term remember? We got wet walking back from Hogsmeade. And well…you never asked for it back and it smells like you so…” she shrugged and continues to pack her bag for the day. “…I sleep in it now…” she says everything absentmindedly, like it means nothing.
But Sebastian was reeling
She went to bed…every night…thinking of him.
He grinned and looped his arm around her waist, resting his head between her shoulders blades as she continues to prep for the day
“And why do you have my shirt?” He asks again, this time giddily
“I just said we got wet and-“
“No…you have my shirt because you’re mine”
Masterlist
Sorry for always writing about my MCs but my brain doesn’t do anything but what’s stuck in it. Stubborn brain no smart enough.
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