#its like yea shes dead and it YOUR FAULT dumbass

[toytulini]

the thing with woodes rogers getting eleanor killed and blaming everyone else for her death except himself or even like, idk, the spanish soldier he participated in unleashing to burn it all down, fills me w the same rage i felt at the end of devilman crybaby lmao

#toy txt post #ryo x woodes rogers crackship. toss in the joker make it poly #its like yea shes dead and it YOUR FAULT dumbass #i remember watching that scene where he blamed MADI???? lost my damn mind. what the fuck #i mean it absolutely tracks dont get me wrong. its in character it makes perfect sense. its also I N F U R I A T I N G #i dont particularly care for eleanor guthrie but her taste in men is painful to watch and it Sucked(in like. wow bummer #i like how its like she stopped fucking vane! and youre like yea!!! and then its like AND NOW SHE FOUND THIS NEW DUDE WHO IS WORSE and youre #like OH NO #or i am. anyway #black sails #i want to follow more black sails blogs i want to see gifs and maybe even. dare i say. meta. but alas i am afraid of new ppl and also of #fandoms and also i dread if theyre all like ship focused? like i want to explore all the fucked up dynamics between these chars for sure #but idk not like..in a shipping sense? #maybe. idk. i like how much its about STORIES and THEMES

[mk-tozier]

HOME| DRACO MALFOY X READER

HOME|DRACO MALFOY X READER

During the hogwarts battle, Draco Malfoy is called over by his father, although, Halfblood Slytherin, Y/n L/n doesn’t agree with this and she’ll fight for the boy she’s had a crush on for years. She wont let all the flirting, the awesome friendship and obvious tension between the two go to waste, not now, not after how long she’s spent with malfoy.

Fluff, kinda angst ig, sad kinda idk. FRED DOESNT DIE because WE LOVE FRED

Warnings: One curse word

Kinda short

‘Home a place where i can go’

The battle was brutal, i just wish this whole thing was over, or it was just a dream, but it wasn’t a dream. I was actually standing here, with a bunch of students, my best friend, Draco Malfoy, right next to me, Voldemort in the middle and all the death eaters on the other side. All except one, Draco. I knew this time would come, i was just hoping it wouldnt be soon, i havent even admitted my feelings yet. He wont go with his family, right? He knows better, right?

“Potter’s dead. There’s no point in fighting anymore” Voldemort smiled. He’s truly evil, how Could you smile at a time like this? “Draco! Come with us!” Lucius Malfoy says. Draco looks as if hes on the verge of tears, his eyes look around, pain in them. “C’mon Draco, you heard your father, join us, join your family” Voldemort says. I look over at Draco. “Please Draco, don’t go.” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. “What are you saying young woman?” Lucius says. “I said nothing” i reply, quickly. “I’m sorry.” Draco whispers, beginning to walk to the other side. I grab his arm, pulling him towards me. “You cant go, you cant leave me Malfoy.” Tears stream down my cheeks. He looks into my eyes, obviously hurt. “I have to.” He says. “No you dont, its your path, your family doesn’t decide your path” I say. I pull Draco in, putting my arms around him.

I hold him tightly, leaning in, my lips touching his soft ones. Draco responded immediately, kissing me back. It felt as if this moment was built up, as if we have been waiting for years, which we have and this moment has finally come. It felt like my world was spinning, electricity traveling through my whole body, like everyone and everything was disappearing, we weren’t in the middle of a battlefield. We are just two teenagers finally connecting after all that time, it was just us. He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer. I pulled away, breathing heavily. I put my head on his chest. “Stay. Please. Don’t leave me” i whisper. Draco puts his hand under my chin, lifting my head. “I won’t, i won’t leave you, i promise” He whispers before giving me a small peck on the lips and then giving me a kiss on the forehead.

Draco turns around, facing his family. “Young Man! Get over here THIS INSTANT! Enough Stalling!” Dracos father raises his stern voice. “Listen to your father Draco” Narcissa says. “NO!” Draco says, grabbing my hand. “But we’re your family.” She says. “No you arent, My only family is Hogwarts.You’ve forced me to make the wrong decisions My whole life. Everything i did for you guys, it was never enough” Tears streamed down Dracos face, hes never cried before, in front of people at least. “This girl is hypnotizing you! YOURE CHANGING MY SON! HOW DARE YOU” Lucius yelled at me. “It’s not her! This is my decision!” Draco yells back. “You dont deserve to be dracos father! He has worked hard his whole life, hes tried his best for you but you’ve always shut him down. This is your fault!” I yell.

“STUPEFY” “NOO! Y/N” was all i heard before everything went black.

‘Someone take me home’

“HOW COULD YOU” Draco screams, rushing to Y/n, who flew back due to the blast, unconscious. “PETRIFICUS TOTALUS” He yells, casting the spell at his father. “LUCIUS” Narcissa yells out, rushing to her husband.

A couple hours later

My eyes began to open, seeing people around me. I sat up, quickly. “Where’s Voldemort, i have to beat him, is everyone okay?” I rambled. “Hey, hey, hey, its okay, everything’s okay, we beat Voldemort.” Draco smiled. “HARRY?” I practically yell. Harry smiles, walking over to the bed. “You’re alive?” I ask. “Of course.” He says. “I’m glad you guys are here.” I say, tears streaming down my cheeks. “We wouldn’t leave you” Hermione says. “Yea what she said” Ron smiles. I giggle, crying. Draco hugs me. “You’re beautiful, even when you cry.” He whispers into my ear. “We’ll give you guys a moment” Ron winks and walks out of the room, Hermione and harry following.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Draco says. “Did you really mean that kiss or was it just to get me to stay?” He rubs his neck. “Of course i meant that kiss, dumbass. I like you, i have, for years.” I say smiling. “I can say the same” Draco smiles, leaning in, my lips touching his. Butterflies swarm my stomach again. I wrap my arms around his neck, our lips moving together, like they were made for eachother. We kissed until we lost our breath. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend, Y/n?” Draco asks. “Of course!” I giggled, kissing him again.

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter #fanfic #fluff #draco fluff

[hufflautia]

Slytherin and Forbidding Forest for the Slytherpuff asks and 85 & 98 for the weird asks :))

Forbidden Forest: Where would your friends or family be most surprised to find you?

I asked my sister and she said “in the woods...at night...with a clown.” 

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology because there’s such thing as Loki Mythology😏 

98. favorite historical era?

The Roaring 20's

Slytherin: How are you, really?

Terrible, but thank you for asking. I finished my beautiful glorious amazing astounding perfect book last night - there is a very long story about that in which I suddenly remembered the book bc I had read it years ago and I suddenly remembered it and tried to find it but couldn’t but eventually found it BUT I won’t get too in-depth into that. the book is called The Finisher and it’s part of the Vega Jane Series. now I just feel really empty and sad and I have to wait until my birthday to get to read the rest of the books in the series because I asked for the book series as the ultimate birthday wish present thingy. also, I’m feeling really self-conscious and angry and terrible and it’s probably because of PMS because my period STILL hasn't come but I know it’s coming because my tits hurt. I’ve been “at war” with myself lately over my writing. I want to write but I also really really don’t want to write. I think I’d scream on the inside if I sat at the table and opened up a doc. My brain feels mushed and I feel very deflated and dead. I want to disappear for a year or a couple of months and appear again and have a whole bunch of fics that I’ve written over time so that I can post consistently again. I just feel so terrible about everything and I think I’m shit at everything and I’m terrible and annoying and people-pleasing and I don’t love myself and it isn’t my fault because I didn’t have a parental figure who would give me unconditional love so now I have a hole in my heart and I have to give myself love to fill it up but it’s so so hard to do that. I’m afraid to leave and take a break because I’m scared that when I come back, everyone will be gone. Can you tell I have abandonment issues because my dad was very inconsistent and would come home and then leave and then come home and leave again? yea. so this past week, my brain was telling me to write but my mind was saying that I'm tired and I don’t have the strength or will to write. it’s absolute chaos to the point where it doesn’t feel like a break that's gonna help me feel wellrested. if anything, I feel a little worse because its like life is passing by without me; I'm trying to take a break but i cant because my brain wont let me and its telling me “oh my god LOOK at all that time passing by and ur still not writing?? dread dread dread everyone's gonna leave and u will be alone again and ur taking this dumbass break” and I'm like DAMN JUST LET ME CHILL but my brain says no<3! i just wanted to cry over this today and also over my finishing The Finisher but I’m just tearless. It got to the point where I wanted to go take a shower bc I felt dirty but I legit could not take a shower because I truly felt like I would collapse in the shower because I felt weak and too depressed. Isn’t that so pathetic? Like, truly I was scared to shower because I thought I would genuinely collapse. that's just sad. or maybe i was so tired over the consistent schedule of showering, like hair then body then dry then put on clothes. i hate quarantine. i think I'm going crazy. so instead of showering i just put my head on the table and thought about life and i felt myself going down a deep hole so i decided to take a nap and i feel kind of better now. honestly, a part of me wants to disappear and not write anymore. i feel like I'm floating in space aimlessly but maybe my mood will change for the better after i get through this goddamn period 

[c0nn0rb0t]

Things Me and a Buddy said while playing “Mario the Music Box (ARC)” PART 1 -RP Sentence Starters

~~~~

“HESA MARINATING IN HIS OWN RAGUUU“

“Super Serious moment and Im over here dying“

“Do I kill _____ or naw?”

“Why do I have the feeling that I shoulda killed her/him?”

“Gonna look around a bit first an then try an figure it out”

“I feel like staying still works with the curiosity thing....but also a ghost is bout to stab me in the butt aren’t they“

“TUUURN AROUND, EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A LITTLE BIT LONELY *stabbed*”

“Just for that Im turning around...IF I die its your fault”

“Well I DIDNT get stabbed in the butt”

“Heck im dead again I think”

“____ needs to remember to save more often”

“clumsy ass jumpman with his ankle“

“Okay that death made me laugh“

“If Silent Hill 2 taught me anything....I should always jump down the large holes“

“His ass too THICC“

“OH BOI ANOTHER LEDGE“

“7.8 out of 10 - too much water“

“move one room over, saves. gets to next room, saves again”

“my dumbass keeps dying“

“NOPE NOPE NOT GONNA INTERACT WITH THE GHOSTS“

“Like yea boi is bleeding out with a smile on his face, I don't trust this at all“

“looks like homeboi wanna kill me“

“DAMN hole in the floor”

“Yeh know I said something would stab me in the ass”

“you got stabbed in the ass twice“

“Makes up for the lack of ass stabbing earlier“

“Both these mofo's got stab wounds in they chest and still going“

“ITS ALL THE DAMN SPAGHETTI HE BE EATIN“

“FINALLY he/she addresses the fuckin STAB WOUND in his/her chest“

“Damn bitch let a man heal”

“DONT MIND MY BROKEN NECK“

“Well that Escalated quickly“

“WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER“

“FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT“

“There is blood everywhere....and a shiny thing....guess I'll pick this up I couldn't possibly Die from this or anything“

“WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?“

“Apparently DEATH can happen“

“okay but I want that headband tho“

“okay maybe I Dont want the headband”

“_____ peepin the undies~”

“Well shit I read a girls love letter an Imma die for it”

“FUKKIN HELL IT HAD TO BE SPIDERS“

“nope'in the fuck out of the bathroom“

“yea lets get AWAY from the spider and vomit filled death“

“AND YOU DIE. AND YOU DIE. EVERYONE HERE IS FUCKING DYING”

“Dont mind me as I Bump into a wall a few times and end up dead”

“Bitch got a damn chainsaw“

#The kitkat speaks [[OOC]] #RP Starters #Mario the music box #Feel free to reblog an use these quotes lol #I left out a bunch that mention Mario and Luigi specifically #just so they can be a bit more vague

[exiliumsfools]

The Fall of Vervainia Part 2

“This country is all about unlawful men becoming royalty. Its weird, I know. My teachers would probably curse at me for saying that, but its true. They say a ghost once roamed the streets of Wexinly, and they called him The Apparition. He was a legend to the poor and a nightmare to the rich. One day, he died. Guards got a good look at his face. Later that same night, the Baron showed up dead at his own party, and a chest full of gold flew out the third story window of his manor, straight into the hands of the masses. The Apparition was never seen there, but after, he was always in three places at once. A few months later, when King Tris and his party came through, kicking Adonis out, he gave the Barony to a nobody that just happened to fit The Apparition’s description. Funny thing, that. Tris was a pirate before he was a king. I hope the spirit of my country will keep me safe through my journeys, and that The Apparition is watching me in the streets he called home. I need food, and I’ve never had to steal before.”

  -Riella Cobble's Diary, The 7th of Trainusam, 2100

I sat straight up when I awoke, and immediately slammed my head against something hard. I cried out in pain, my hands flying to my forehead.

“SHHHHHH!” A harsh voice closeby said.

“Hey fuck you! Why’d you hit me?! What are you doing to a young lady, huh? You animal!” I charged forward, ready to attack. Then I realized it was incredibly dark and I couldn’t see anything. I slammed into something a little larger than myself that fell when I shoved. It was a man.

“Fuck me? Fuck you!” He pushed me, and I fell on my back. I noticed my clothes were soaking wet for some reason.

He continued. “I pulled you out of all that heavy ass rubble and hauled your fatass all the way here just to be treated like this?”

“Fatass?!” I scoffed. “You deserved it!”

“For what?!”

“You hit me, right when I woke up, right on my head!” I pointed to where it hurt.

“You slammed your head against mine, dumbass!” 

“Oh.” I sat back up, then saw a discarded bucket he must have used to wake me up with water. “No, I’m pretty sure it was your fault.”

He threw his hands up in disbelief. He was a half-elf like me. Shaggy black hair, darker eyes, dark skin. Dark clothes, a mask, a hood.

“Who are you?” I finally asked.

“I could ask the same of you!”

“Why’d you pull me out then?”

“I’m asking myself the same thing.” He crossed his arms and huffed.

“This is stupid.” I sighed. “I’m Riella.”

“Yea, it really is.”

“Come on, I just gave you my name, give me yours.”

“Sorry, old habits. Guess it doesn’t matter much more now though. I’m Aiden.”

“Are you a thief?”

He scoffed, then looked a little bashful. “I can do a lot more than a petty pockpick, but thats nothing to be proud of.”

I leaned forward. “You’ve killed people.”

He shrugged.

I shrugged. “If you were a murderer, you wouldn’t have saved me.” I was more uneasy than I let on.

He smiled a little. “I’m not a killer, no.” His smile faded. “But I’ve had to defend myself before.”

“And you’d do it again.”

He nodded. Then looked up. We were in some dank, damp passageway in a sewer. Moonlight found its way through a grate above us. Some shadows roamed past.

“You might have to do it more.”

“No doubt about that.” He rolled his shoulders. “Look. Are you alright?”

“Yea, my legs ache, and I’ve got some scrapes, but I should be able to hold my own just fine. What’s going on up there? Why did you save me?”

“With people disappearing and the King gone, people went crazy. Everyone started accusing someone of something. Some were acting like the world was ending. Some were trying to prepare for it. The Baron didn’t help. She tried to use the guards to quell some of the riots and looting but, half of them were just… gone. The others were either too concerned about their own family to report in or… Let’s not talk about the other guards.”

“Wow. You get around, huh?”

He shrugged. “I try to keep on top of things.”

“And, why did you save me?”

“I figured someone I saved wouldn’t try to stab me in the back.”

“Oh. So its a selfish thing.”

He threw his hands up again, taken aback. “What?! No! I-I’m a good person, I swear!”

“Nah.” I crossed my arms. “You hit me the second I woke up. Pretty dirty of you.”

He groaned. “That’s it, I’ve decided. You’re going back. Its worth all the pain of lifting that stone.”

I smiled, then stood up. I offered him my hand. He took it, and I pulled him up. He was a little taller than me, even though he seemed to be a few years older. His stature made him a good thief.

“What do we do?” I asked, more seriously.

He sighed, looking around nervously. “Well, we need food, and people probably won’t want to give us any.” He met my eyes. “You any good on your toes?”

I laughed nervously. “Yil, I hope so.”

#tales from the dm #unorthodox space marine #the fall of vervania #submission

[lilietsblog]

GHOST TRICK: THE BIG FINALE

so I finished the game yesterday all on my lonesome without internet

why yes I am perfectly fine and not emotionally compromised in the slightest

enjoy my screaming

IT'S GHOST TRICKING TIME which is to say it's ghost tricking time without internet so I'm doing this in wordpad tumblr really needs an 'import rtf' function >_>

SO from what I remember, when last we left off I was about to try to figure out how the fuck a knitted cap and a helmet are going to help me stop a bullet LET'S DIVE RIGHT BACK INTO THIS FOLKS

I still love how Sissel just ignores the dog's little 'WHATS A HOSTAGE O NO' instead of digging into explaining it

oh thank god the game DOES remember ive read this text before

...oh, I forgot how I did this the last time O WELL

all right, so I remember swiveling the lamp and dropping the hard hat, then when the knitted cap is over here I can swap it with the book and get it on the hook but how did I get the knitted cap over here

aha, he looked away for a moment, the helmet part is done what the fuck do i do now

AHA okay, so now i very quickly cart the ladder back and forth, I think I remember this

fuck, he noticed me, okay don't swivel the lamp while he's watching, swivel it while he's still looking away

I gotta note the 'I don't know why you're wearing my face' part HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

fuck, nope, I can't swivel the lamp back at that moment because he notices it clattering and turns right around FUCK OKAY LET'S TRY TO DO IT WITH THE LAMP THERE

ugh, if only I could do shit during the cutscene while he rolls away >_>

OK I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TRUST IN MISSILE HE IS GREAT AND A VERY GOOD DOG AND CAN AIM FOR SPLIT SECOND TIMING OF A BULLET BEING IN THE AIR OKAY

haha, and the knitted hat still hit Cabanela with enough velocity to knock him over I love this and I particularly love his dramatic leg up in the air he doesn't evne know what's happening he just aims to be the most dramatic possible at all times and it's really helping us out <3

'i love knitted hats... so warm, and most of all, so SOFT' <3 <3 <3

god Missile is so good this is pain IS THE DAWN DEADLINE A LIE MAYBE DID RAY JUST SAY THAT TO GET SISSEL'S BUTT MOVING I DON'T KNOW

oh yeah Cabanela's still got broken bones all over I kind of forgot about that

oh ok, looks less like broken and more like just really fucking bruised, becuase in that movement he's put pressure on all limb bones and nothing bent out of shape, so that's good

lmao and Cabanela's just like 'BUT IF I WAS KILLED IN THAT EXPLOSION THE SITUATION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER' I I don't think it would necessarily work out that way, considering how much difficulty our protagonist was having saving just the professor :x

oh hey we've got our next source of information! should be quite a wellspring if Sissel remembers everything he should ask

yeeep Cabanela you FUCKED UP

oh, the gun :x

HON IM PRETTY SURE THE FIRST PART IS MORE IMPORTANT THE PART WHERE YOU TRIED TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM CORNERED RATS BITE THIS IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY YOUR FAULT, ALL OF IT

aha, those cases, okay

and Cabanela was doing the thing because of Jowd that makes sense -_- kind of

yep, that one little snag kind of puts a question mark on the whole thing alright, that almost makes sense? kind of? makes Cabanela kind of a selfish butt doing this for his own obsession rather than for personally Jowd but makes sense

ok, the bringing him to justice minister to buy time thing actually does make a lot of sense it wasn't A LOT of time that he bought but it was just enough and that's what counts

oh hey, this guy used to have the job that the blue fake stole? (and yeah sounds like blue guys are just foreigners -_- bc they couldnt find spies that didnt stand out visually or anything)

hum not a scratch, huh regenerating dead body, okay

oh come ON Sissel don't be surprised now that part was obvious from the moment he said the corpse disappeared the meteorite's radiation, okay, quite interesting :D

"it was like a meteorite had struck me on the head" so, has that been a cause of death today yet, because if it hasn't, this looks like foreshadowing -_-

hum, so the gun would have been loaded because he controlled Kamila, which she then wouldn't have a clear memory of makes sense

HI LYNNE JUST IN TIME

arrest her to keep her safe, that actually makes perfect sense IF ONLY IT HAD WORKED LMAO no wonder pigeon guy roasted him for that in the deleted timeline XD

"while he was at it" <3 <3 <3

awwww pigeon guy was friends with him too <3

hee right on top of his striped jumpsuit honestly he looked less escaped-from-prison-ish in the paint-splattered robe thing XD

a present, huh?

awww see Sissel you don't feel lonely and that's what counts

ALRIGHT THEN :D LET'S FUCKING GO :D AND, UH, DO SOMETHING, I GUESS I love how out of proportion Sissel's powers are rewind time, talk to dead people... and move small objects a little

so, uh, Sissel, are you sure there's answers for YOU over there or did you just get into habit of telling this to yourself to feel better

okay well how the fuck did Jowd infiltrate a fucking SUBMARINE like, I just want to know the physics of how this happened?

omfg the bullet had a radio transmitter well, I have a newfound respect for Cabanela, I gotta admit like I already respected him but I just figured he shot the guy out of a desperate 'can't do anything else might as well try this' urge to do SOMETHING but nope he had a plan (which would have worked even with him dead)

wow, and he actually gave the thing to Jowd beforehand n i c e

wow, okay, that's stealthy

aha, and he can totally leave his body and wander around freely I think that was already confirmed but it's nice to know for even surer

wow, okay, what the fuck re: that thing reaching up from below that definitely looked like... something else for a moment there 0.0

aand okay the meteorite is possible to extract from his body I wonder if evil!Sissel actually knew that... or if that actually did anything to him :D

okay, what the FUCK and how many more people are dead now

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MISSILE IS HERE TOOOOOOOO

the phone is ringing, how convenient :D

ooohkay this is tricky

so, why the fuck were there baseball and basketball balls hanging in nets under the ceiling on a submarine ... ... you know what I don't want to know

wait, Kamila can't hear him? oh, right, over the phone ghosts communicate by close range telepathy

aaand this makes the FIFTH time Lynne's dead tonight! or is it sixth? did i lose track somewhere?

AWWWW THIS SCENE IS LIKE AN OVERDOSE OF CUTE

'i wonder what happened THIS TIME' yep lmao

no actually 'i dont remember what happened after that' sounds like evil!Sissel to me, personally

but do you know what this wheel does Sissel are you sure turning it is a good idea

"I just sort of blacked out, the next thing I knew, I was dead" <3 <3 <3

"now it's all making even less sense than before" AND THAT'S SAYING *SOMETHING*

but actually okay yea this does kind of sound like an explosion that killed Lynne and knocked Kamila out

aaand nope I was absolutely correct )=

can this guy only puppet one body at a time? couldn't he have just possessed Lynne and had her slit her own throat or shoot herself or hang herself or something? that sounds a lot more productive than having a little girl fight her I mean, even if he only can puppet one body at a time, puppetting Lynne would have been a lot more productive overall, is there a reason he can't?...

or does he just love to do things in the most convoluted and roundabout manner typical to villains everywhere -_-

"nobody ever calls the dead" ARGUABLE a number of phone calls has been made this night specifically for the purpose of putting our!Sissel on the line

aand okay :D looks like the blue assholes saved Lynne just in time, sort of ...for a certain definition of 'saved'

so anyway this guy said something like 'you cannot possibly comprehend my suffering' so it would be funny if he was just a random dumbass that a bad thing hapened to one (1) time, which granted also killed him, but all the misery since then has been of his own making and he's put every single person involved in the events through worse just over the course of tonight, and simply has no sense of scale, perspective or proportion I think that would be great if the story went there XD EDITOR'S NOTE IN RETROSPECT: the story didn't go there and that was not fucking okay (it's dead women in the fridge again!)

and Sissel can't understand revenge as a concept SOUL TWINSIES WITH ME OR WHAT

lmao Lynne is starting to get touchy about how many times she's needed rescue lately XD

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY CAN'T I REACH FOR ANYTHING YET also, interesting to note that in the 4 minutes ago past, neither Lynne nor Kamila have a core looks like Sissel's interaction with this realm is limited after all, and not only by phones there's v interesting existential fuckery going on here, of the exact sort I ABSOLUTELY LOVE

oh THERE we go 'nobody ever calls the dead' ARGUABLE again and I love Lynne's signature instant-snap-into-hands-over-head animation + pose Good Reflexes

ALRIGHT, FIDDLING WITH RANDOM SHIT WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT MIGHT DO TIME ...and that sure worked fast

hum, a random mechanic, alright

oh hon that's a, um, what's the opposite of exaggeration I know this word in Russian >_> over...littlification? that 'restless ghosts onboard' THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT THAT

lmao that was one odd fate change

alright, found the temsik fragment capsule, I see yay unexpectedly strong wastebucket lids (seriously, that's a whole freaking basketball, there's a reason the nets worked like that lmao)

alright, just watching the cutscene for now, that's fair this guy sure looks like he's going to abandon his entire crew and blow up the sub or something

"farewell, sir" WELL THAT DID NOT SOUND QUITE RIGHT

alright, and we're left in the capsule rather than the fragment which apparently did not have a core of its own for some reason

OMFG THERE'S A LITTLE RAT IN THE TORPEDO ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE INVOLVING A SMALL RODENT AGAIN BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND BUT ALSO THIS IS NOT HOW TORPEDOS WORK BUT ALSO HI RAT!!!

yeah exactly thanks Sissel! how the FUCK did it get here also I love that the characters DO pay attention to the wellbeing of innocent rats in this game <3

well, you COULD just try to get it to blow up earlier, in the water you'd be stuck but you'd be heroes, or something well, Lynne would go back to her body, Sissel would be stuck :D oh, and the rat would die, that's the bad news

YEAH LET'S SAVE THE RATTIE FIRST if this time the rat is going to be in the way rather than helping, well, I REALLY DO RESPECT THAT LET'S SAVE THE RAT

alright, after some trial and error I DID manage to get both weights in the same position (mostly by luck) and throw off the rat NOW TO SAFETY

alright, this looks promising OKAY IT ALSO LOOKS LIKE KAMILA AND LYNNE MIGHT BE SAFE FROM EVIL!SISSEL NOW THAT'S GOOD NEWS

yusss caring about rats ftw <3

that's what missiles do, huh they're unstoppable i dont know who it is i hear there but Missile is great yes

well, whatever this is, our!Sissel just turned it on maybe it's pumps to remove water!... not that they'll do much against an unplugged breach but

aha, okay, won't move for long

this movement through a machine's gears feels like the purest expression of the game's premise since the junkyard tricks at the very beginning <3

the way Kamila's speech kinda fades in from white? that worries me

...eeeyup

god but I love this game's animation. this little one of Lynne hoisting Kamila up on her back? it feels, like, PERFECTLY balanced with their weights and Lynne's strength and everything <3 <3 <3

oh my god Lynne why couldn't you just... be able to swim not that it would help much with Kamila unconscious but

oh my god Lynne is literally right here why do I still have trouble moving around freely???

oh, found it!

wow, she's climbing one-handed while carrying Kamila, that's some serious upper body strength <3

W E L P

YEP THAT'S SOME SERIOUS STRENGTH THAT SHE DIDNT JUST FUCKING FALL NOR DROP KAMILA

yeeep okay WOW

ARE YOU BOTH GOING TO DIE NOW OR WHAT okay, no, just fall, and not even in the water that's good news

LYNNE THIS IS NOT A POSE YOU WANT TO BE IN RIGHT NOW unless you're actually holding yourself against that shit in the background with your left hand and I just can't see it I guess

...nope, she was holding her chin LYNNE NO

MISSILE HURRAY

okay, the fan thing makes sense

now to swap around a bunch of broken pipes so they don't get in lynne's way, got it

FOR FUCK'S SAKE I REALLY DON'T SEE A WINNING COMBO HERE

aand I fucking lost but at least I got Sissel in position -_-

alright, now with one pipe turned off it actually works out easily it just... took me really long to realize I'd need Sissel for this one -_-

Lynne honey but have you considered: you have no fucking clue what's behind that door although presumably submarine has only been breached in one place and it's this room?

holy shit with the hook Sissel managed to hoist the combined weight of Lynne and Kamila now THAT's a nifty trick

SISSEL FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHE CAN'T MUSTER LEVERAGE FOR THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS TO HOLD HERSELF AND KAMILA UP AND SHE'S TIRED SHE CAN ASK FOR HELP EXCLUSIVELY IN SWAHILI SWEARS AND IT'D STILL BE A WAY THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH

aww, someone's saving us!!!

someone who commented on unstoppable missiles earlier, perhaps?

right, the truth... that's still relevant. while on a sinking submarine. yep

haha sinking submaries i have just been playing oxenfree haha

oh wow that's an improvised mechanism made out of garbage sticking in a close range telekinetic field nifty shit

oh oh okay that explains absolutely nothing evil!Sissel is not evil now, or what?

lmao this is getting more confusing, but like... in a very satisfying way <3

evil!Sissel still seems to have SOME amount of powers, at least, though possibly not the manipulating humans ones? but this amount of telekinesis is still incredible

so okay our Sissel's name possibly IS Sissel, but this dude's isn't I'm more confused than ever before I doubt there are three of them, so...

ahh, Lynne making Kamila more comfortable <3 <3 <3 and again, animation is fucking excellent. just, the timing of everything? it's better than 90% of all 3D animation I've ever seen in games

power and time, okay, got it so the dawn deadline IS real, just not for him wait, possibly not for Sissel and Missile, either?

I see he still fell in his signature ridiculous pose it's less funny now, overall

ah, okay, so the time effect is different too it seems to have been the same for Sissel and Missile though? is this a personality powers deal?

I love that Missile is perfectly comfortable with weird shit because as a dog, that's about the amount of understanding he has of his everyday surroundings, too <3

oh, hum so the moment this guy actually 'died' is the moment that blue guy took out the fragment?

wipe out everybody, huh

okay, so the shooting is as we knew, kind of

the first shot missed the mark, huh? quite curious, quite curious stray bullets are known to be deadly :D

alright, so that's a conversation that mostly confirmed what we already knew we have a new ally though, sort of

aand Lynne's empathy saves the day -_- like I said earlier, this guy's feelings aren't like... unique or anything, he just sucks at theory of mind

Kamila!!! so hey kiddo this guy in front of you is the guy who killed your mom

anyway, I'm still pretty sure Sissel hadn't yet introduced himself to you when you started calling him "Sissy" so there's that lead

and Kamila makes herself comfortable <3 I love this Little Lady so much <3

AWWWW THE RADIO THING <3 <3 <3

'and what about a torpedo' WHAT ABOUT A TORPEDO LYNNE THIS SOUNDS EXTREMELY UNSAFE

KAMILA ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU'RE TOUGH AS FUCK

OMG IT'S A GRAPE SERVING MACHINE I LOVE THE LUXURIOUS FUCK THIS WAS MADE FOR

alright, torpedo room, that works

swap  the switches to get them unstuck!!!

so I'm going to guess everyone there died, too, and Sissel's going to have to prevent that, too that makes perfect sense

that 'understand exactly how he feels' thing our!Sissel and evil!Sissel are really fucking different in this particular respect :D

awww and the girls convince the doggo <3 <3 <3

so, does Kamila know about the dawn deadline for all ghosts, or

oh thank god I didn't need to control that hop this game really has a policy of not having a permaloss option <3

Yomiel, huh so that's his name

alright, and 'Sissel' is an alias ...I'm just going to keep using it for the protag, just to make things slightly less confusing

ah, so this guy had access to national secrets, and that's how he did the singer thing

and he was proven innocent offscreen <3 <3 <3 stylish

stylish animation, nice

didn't help anybody? did you ever try? because our!Sissel sure figured that shit out quickly

welp, the blue guys are assholes but then, they were also kind of dealing with an asshole I can imagine why they didn't think he was reliable to deal with :x

awww, I like the leaflet guy so much <3 <3 <3

I love how Jowd's like 'well, I'm dead, are you happy now' and Sissel's like 'so anyway about that' FUCK death not tonight, not when Sissel's here <3 <3 <3

alright, and this guy's a robot that still doesn't quite he's pretty human-like >_> I am not a fan of the blue guy in charge is all I'm saying also lmao I nicknamed this one 'iron man dracula' i didn't mean it that way but

ah, remote-controlled, alright that 'farewell' was odd then

'your country's use of technology is just plain off' I LOVE THIS

could there have been two pieces of meteorite in this guy's body? okay, nope still!

OH WOW FOUR MINUTES BEFORE HIS DEATH THAT'S THAT'S ACTUALLY EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT THIS BODY BELONGED TO THE WRONG 'WHOM' THIS IS SOMEWHAT MORE AMBITIOUS THAN PLANNED BUT

...okay, no, his 'death' would actually be before the control room was launched, not all those years ago STILL THIS IS THE -EXACT- THING

alright anyway this is plenty of buildup WHO THE FUCK IS OUR PROTAGONIST it's funny how so far absolutely 0 of what we've seen has pointed to that I have plenty of odd thoughts in my mind ofc 'that guy from another point of time' being the prime one as a homestuck, the possibility of there being multiple ghosts of the same person doesn't faze me in the slightest in fact it seems like an intuitive conclusion BUT THEIR PERSONALITY SURE IS DIFFERENT

anyway, :D :D :D

Final Chapter

...aha! so it counted ten years ago after all! dang :D

aha, I see that mascot thing I see baby Lynne!!!

I note how for someone threatening to shoot the kid, Yomiel's gun sure is pointing in the wrong direction AND he's holding out the kid to the side, not between himself and Jowd SOMEONE sucks at hostage taking lmao

a kitty, huh

and then a meteorite, okay

I note the lamp

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Yomiel is thinking 'so maybe I'll die in another way and all this will have not happened, that's a better outcome anyway' isn't he god his faces are Sissel faces and look this game knows EXACTLY what it's doing with its visuals exactly one facial exression of Yomiel's has not matched Sissel's I doubt it's because of lazy artists

alright, so a good plan would be swapping the mascot and the lamp

but seriously, WOW Yomiel sucks at taking hostages this game's animation is always stellar and brilliant, there's NO fucking coincidence there he was absolutely not willing in any way to put baby Lynne in actual danger, even if he pretended he did and it worked on Jowd

anyway how the fuck do we get to the lamp

'we can talk about all this later' ARGUABLE TBH the entire, like, THING is going to change oh man is everyone going to go back to their bodies 10 years ago with their new memories because that's fucking hardcore was Kamila even BORN yet

augh I DONT KNOW I CANT REACH I THINK I CANT REACH ANYTHING WHAT DO I DO MISSILE IS IN THE SWEET POTATO ON THE FOUNTAIN SISSEL IS IN THE NOZZLE BUT NOT THE CENTRAL ONE AND CANT REACH THE CENTRAL ONE WHAT DO I DO

okay sounds like I missed my chance let's try that again

ghhhh okay I think I have figured this sequence out even though I have to rewind again 1) rock the basket 2) jump into nozzle to launch the potato 3) Sissel jumps into the potato and then from the potato to the central nozzle 4) Missile jumps into the potato 5) launch the potato x2

okay, Mino fell into the fountain, not that I know how this can help because AGAIN, Missile can't reach Mino from the lantern :x and Sissel can't do absolutely fucking anything

annd the finale is a cutscene alas

alright, let's try that again...

hum we didn't get a FATE CHANGE registered after dropping Mino might this mean we have to do something right in the process?

AW YEAH THAT DEFINITELY JUST HAPPENED LMAO

are we going to kill everyone by dropping Mino on them instead XD

trick time, huh Sissel still can't reach anywhere Missile can swap two identical lanterns, not that this does anything he can talk to Sissel, for what THAT's worth

aha, the lantern dropped, Missile can move around now, that's good

Sissel still can't do shit though

well, that's the detective's LEG, not... anything else or anything

oh man, yeah... YOUNG JOWD IS A DUMBASS man, even Yomiel isn't aiming at him anymore, he's like 'hey dude are you okay' so the theory that Sissel is alternate!Yomiel is really gaining steam in my head not that it wasn't the primary one all along but

AW FUCK YEAH MISSILE THE BULLET CATCHING BADASS DOGGO!!!

anyway sweet potato?

BOO YAH um or not

OR YES ACTUALLY THAT WORKS

OH MY FUCKING GOD YEP THE LAMPPOST FUCKING MINO

awwwwww and finally the trauma of remembering your death is brought up!!!! Sissel cares <3 <3 <3 (and Yomiel doesn't at the moment NOT THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IN CONTEXT) (then again I'd understand it if Sissel didn't either but he's the purest being in existence so)

awwww Yomiel is finally going to contribute!!!

omfg lmao "Make it spray as if your life depended on it!" "Uh, I'm dead though" Yomiel is winning ALL the sensitivity awards tonight <3 <3 <3

I I think that Yomiel hasn't done anything yet oh, okay, we're still winning time

holy FUCK Yomiel that was definitely a thing you just did

dear Young Jowd, Yomiel is the one who saved her. Not gods

awwww and he gave baby Lynne a detective's badge <3 <3 <3 he's so good with children <3

so, can Yomiel be alive please :x ALRIGHT, HE IS THAT WORKS

THE KITTY DID THE METEORITE KILL THE KITTY

wait wait wait is is Sissel the kitty is that why he has no idea how guns work or anything else like that that that is truly fucking incredible f y'all's i AND I GUESS IT FITS WITH HIM AND MISSILE JUST GOING AROUND SAVING PEOPLE TOGETHER LIKE A BADASS DUO AND IT FITS WITH HIM GETTING KILLED BY LYNNE'S FIRST SHOT ON ACCIDENT I HONESTLY CONSIDERED A RAT OPTION FOR LIKE A SPLIT SECOND THERE

OMG OMG OMG OMG YE S AND HIS NAME REALLY IS SISSEL

god jesus fucking christ this this fucking game i just im howling this this definitely is a thing that just happened it owned me so hard im so fucking owned right now

yep hes the cat he's Yomiel's cat

aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww there's a good reason he had identity confusion in all this they WERE confusable as one being for a while

'her' huh?

oh man wow THIS particular part of the story sucks

so Sissel was a girl's name all along? okay

but also, FUCK no wonder he went bonkers specifically about being unable to die

'his powers couldnt help anybody' more like they couldn't help ONE SPECIFIC PERSON

so that bag is a kitty carrier huh and Lynne's miss accidentally killed the kitty

LMAO THE PART WHERE WE ALL THOUGHT LYNNE HAD KILLED THE PROTAG WASN'T WRONG

I DAMN FUCKING REMEMBER THAT CAT JUST FOR YALLS I I ABSOLUTELY REMEMBERED THERE WAS A CAT THERE I JUST NEVER LINKED IT TO ANYTHING I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY PRETTY RANDOM STRAY

anyway Yomiel that's what you get for playing with guns they're deadly weapons and result in death you're fucking welcome

so anyway who the fuck is Ray

but anyway kitty Sissel saved everyone...

okay but hold on hold on hold on I didn't quite get the implications about the fiancee the first time around WHAT THE FUCK CAPCOM i was just recently thinking how fucked up it was that I remembered the last name of Polly Jenkins, just because of how much her brief story shook me

and uh I think is that also the implication here because that's not fucking okay

anyway so did Yomiel die as the result of that or nay bc that looked fucking deadly if not instantaneously so

god but this ffucking game

this fucking... game

oh Missile I'm pretty sure YOU are going to see HIM alright lmao wasn't Jowd taking him home

but also damn the original events of these ten years, as remembered by - a dog and a cat - Detective Jowd and Kamila (but not Alma, who never was brought back to life directly) - Lynne - Cabanela - the medical examiner - the minister of justice AND NO-ONE ELSE ...wait, no ALSO THE GUY FROM THE FUCKING PARK ...yep that's a thing we're doing

so another important thing is that the rock star kid is going to be okay and the curry guy, too nothing bad happened to them in this timeline, right?

ALRIGHT HI RAY WHAT/WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

(right now my bet's on 'a rat')

oh, Sissel also killed two people tonight, that happened

lmao and in this version of evens Missile died in the presence of Temsik

omfg and Ray is alternate!Missile this is fucking amazing <3

lmao his ghost aged and lost its powers?

also the dawn deadline was a lie he just wanted to get Sissel's butt moving I FUCKING KNEW IT

I love how Sissel's just "I DID WHAT" even though he's been doing that all evening this time around too

yup doggie's a fucking liar the only real time limit is the lifetime they would have had if they were alive huh damn

but seriously I called that before I started this section of the liveblog even if I think I never actually made that post 'what are the odds Ray is a fucking liar' I don't think I ever wrote that I kept getting distracted but yep I fucking called this

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART GOD I AM ;U; THIS DOGGO

anyway one participant of the events who definitely wasn't born yet 10 years ago is indeed Missile 0.0 how's that... gonna work...

but I do love that just... the justice minister, of all people, is also going to be in possession of those 10 years

OH MY FUCKING GOD LYNNE IS ABOUT TO HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK I KNOW THERE'S NO GUN BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

KAMILA WHAT THE FUCK DON'T FUCKING DO THAT THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING

aawwwwwww IT WORKED THIS TIME AROUND

'nice to meet you' OH BOY OH BOY I GET HOW IT WORKS NOW I THINK ...uh, I'm not sure how Lynne knew to flee from the junkyard then, but either way it looks like they're only getting back their memories at the PRESENT and that's why Kamila didn't fUCKING KNOW AND REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH DOING THAT JUST NOW

LMAO SOMETHING'S GOING TO EXPLODE TONIGHT

oh, nevermind, it's not that yet :D but it really does sound like it's going to :D right... about... dawn? :D

aww Jowd actually carries toy badges with him everywhere <3 <3 <3 'child handling tools'

still a kitten, huh yeah, that whole Temsik thing :D

aww, and here's her, all alive and everything

SO BIG MEMORYSPLOSION PLEASE

(at dawn) (it's fucking coming that's my headcanon and you can't beat it) (a bunch of people are going to become really fucking traumatized tonight)

hey!!! Missile!!! Cabanela brought him, huh

so, what's up with Yomiel, anyway

COME ON SISSEL MAKE NICE WITH MISSILE HE CAN'T CLIMB UP THERE

that guy's imitating Cabanela lmao

Memry <3 <3 <3

very best customer, huh

AWWW ITS THIS GUY HI GUY YOU'RE OKAY NOW WITHOUT YOMIEL TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU'RE JUST FINE

hah, and these two

.............................................yup. they died

'the indescretions of a minister perhaps?' I LOVE THIS FUCKING LADY I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

ah, these two what deal is it this time

the little rock sinter guy!!! yeah!!!!

hi medical examiner guy <3 guess you're not doing medicine after all huh

HI LEAFLET PARK GUY YOU ARE STILL CUTE

HI BAILEY

oh man oh man Yomiel :D hey are talking about Yomiel :D

SHOW ME HIS FIANCEE YOU COWARDS

lmao he's the painter this time even the robe sits the same

SO SHOW ME

OH YEAH OH YEAH HE REMEMBERS THATS THE PICTURE OF THE FUCKING CAT AND NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT

YUP YUP THIS IS IT lmao that crane i sure do remember it well it murdered two people tonight <3 <3 <3 kitty <3 <3 <3

aw yeah! in that picture with Missile!!!

#douche mcpointyglasses #is she dead #(for quite a while there the answer was 'basically yes') #cute shoes #dance dance inspector #the mysterious him #alba dracula #iron man dracula #sexy lamp #ddoggo!!! #those are all the character tags i remember #liliet plays ghost trick #this has been A FUCKING TRIP #i love this game

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I quit online dating...ok dating in general

Definitely taking a long hard look in the mirror, my new job starts soon so I can start seeing a therapist and finally figure out wtf is going on with me mentally but also

I NEED BETTER HELP WITH FIXING MY ATTRACTION OFF OF TOXIC MFS WHO CAN LIE WAY TOO GOOD AND ME ACTUALLY BELIEVING IT BECAUSE THEY LOOK GOOD AND I LIKE THEM LIKE AFTER BEING VULNERABLE

WTFFFF

I met Jay at work, so now I'm worried about blocking myself off too much if I happen to meet someone new and they sound like a nice person, good fit, but then the relationship and family trauma history comes up....wtf do i do? Run?

Like everything that I went through wasn't all my fault, but still I think it would be unfair for me to neglect someone as a potential date if they have everything that I'm looking for, looks good, but they have this, this, and that mental health disorders from trauma or they're just surviving....

But Idk, I think it would be best to get some guidance off the horny, desperate, need somebody to talk to because I can't come out to my parents about what happened to me with Jay and Ayunna because they're not cool about their kids being gay...

Its like "hey, dad I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused by someone..."

"Wow...why would you stay in something like that? By the way was it a girl or a boy?"

I think my dad knows. But I did not like the way he responded and said that it was my fault for having sex with them...Like wow, how was I supposed to know they would have took advantage of me and did stuff to me that I wouldn't even like...without consent?

Wtf Dad.

And this is why I never talked to my mom about it either...they think alike to victim blame and doing the oh, well you should have known better way of talking down to their kids about being fucked up by their best friend...

Yea great role models.

I told him and he didn't even hug me. Cause he thought I was going to far when I said I wanted to fight her and get revenge.

He just said you should find a way to release that aggression and looked at me crazy as if nothing bad had happened to me and everything I was feeling still after, was all in my head, blown out of proportion.

Why didn't I tell him I was disappointed in the way he handled that?

It just made me close up on him and mom even more after he said that. Its like why should I have to debate out why it was so wrong of my friend to hurt me to somebody who would rather talk about something else, being all nonchalant and passive as usual.

I don't wanna talk about it until after I move out, cause I feel like he would explode on me if I was to say Dad, I don't like what you said and it hurt me to know that my own father didn't have my back when I was looking for support.

Cause I've been in pain all year, thinking, and being reminded of Jay and Ayunna's actions towards me. I hate them officially to this day. And I'll never love or trust the same since them.

They'll never know what its like to be me, not Jay, not Ayunna, not my mom or dad...so why even bother discussing, then later on debating about why I even stayed in an abusive relationship like that where I people pleased and didn't say stop. I just took the pain, like the good girl-sex-slave/doormat Jay wanted me to be.

He'll never understand it, and thats why I don't like the idea of telling my parents everything that happened, because I don't wanna lose my parents.

Cause I feel like even if I was to open up to my crazy bipolar mom and my passive ass dad, none of them would overreact about wanting to kick Jay and Ayunna's ass like I do right to this very day.

They would have got hard on me, tell me their disappointed in me, and told me everything that I did wrong in the matter instead of actually asking me "are you okay" which Dad never did after I told him the snippet.

Never would have asked me "how are you feeling" "do you need a hug" cause yea, its all my fault huh? For staying with a dumbass abusive friend who was already engaged to someone who treats them like a child too?

Yea they would have judged the fuck outta me...so I don't say anything. And every time I feel a ptsd episode spiraling or mom triggers me, I stay locked up in my room and scream and cry silently until I hear my voice crack. Shrilling the sound like, broken metal guitar strings cause I've been suffering in silence all year long. Hiding my depression from my sisters and my parents, because mom and dad want us to be happy about being alive and living in this house that I stopped giving a fuck about, because well grandma's dead and you can't make people happy about it when it was literally in July and her dead body was carried down our living room steps.

This bitch is crazy, you act like everything is supposed to just go back to normal? After everything that I've seen and been through this year? You think I'm supposed to be happy after finding out your a crazy, selfish, asshole who wanted me to fall down the steps just for pissing you off, my grandma was miserable and depressed all the way up in that house and delusional about healthcare that she didn't visit a doctor for years until it was too late, my dad hides everything he feels from us and mom unless it comes out in an aggravated assault on my little sister when she pissed him off, and now mom is basically forcing us to get back on cleanup schedule and act like everything is normal.

WHEN ITS FUCKING NOT

I bet deep down this is why Grandma moved to live in a cabin in the woods, for idk how long. She even painted the house she bought later on, the exact same colors. Burgundy and Sea Mint Green. Cause she loved how peaceful it was and there was nobody there but just her. Her family, her abusive ex, her abusive baby daddy, her children, and her friends all drove her nuts trying to be there and take care of them....when nobody was there to take care of her.

Except when I was there, it felt like we had the whole house, the whole world to ourselves, and we could be just as still and silent as the wind passing us as we sat on the couch, watched movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed a hard lemonade with her. She missed being by herself after I moved in and so did I.

No wonder we kept butting heads. We don't like being disappointed by our family and friends, and we sure as hell don't like people making us work for them, and not caring about our emotional, mental, and physical stability.

I would prefer to go to the library for hours and just watch movies on the internet, than to live with my family while I'm still digesting the pain and drama I went through.

And realizing just how toxic, abusive, and crazy your family really is...really made me hate reality. Once the research on why I felt like I was suffering so bad with jay and ayunna started to add up, it all made sense why I didn't see some of the things that actually hurt me, as not as bad. Because I'd been through it already with my mom and my dad. Where I'm forced to take every negative comment or action they said and did, and just deal with it without retaliating against them or I was punished or told I was too sensitive to be told the truth. Gaslighting me.

Like I'm not allowed to feel pain if my mom tells me that my stomach is poking out too much in that dress and that I need to go change or wear some spanx. Then if I didn't want to change there was pinches on my skin from when she would force my shirts into my pants and make me feel stupid for not knowing how to tuck in my pants.

I'm supposed to always appreciate everything my parents did for me, even when the person standing in front of my face wants to be right all the time and I'm supposed to not get upset, not get angry, not cry, not whine or complain when my parent, my guardian does something unfair to me, says something rude, disrespectful, and controlling to me that they know that if I did the same thing to them, then they would slap me across the face, flick me in the head, knock me back to being a kid, just because they said so and just because I still live here.

I hate this place. And I thought Athena would be my escape. I thought I found someone to build real love with after going through so much trauma and realizing the crazy I've been living in for all these years.. The facade is over.

And I don't know what to do except cry and scream for myself in my room, and now I can't even talk to them about me losing my faith and trust in God because everything bad that happened and keeps happening. And why in the hell did he decide giving my grandma cancer was the best way for her to go? She was in so much pain all these years and it was from cancer. Her head and her body was twitching from lack of oxygen. And she was unresponsive as I sat upstairs with her all night on the very same couch I'm sitting on right now.

Its September now. She passed on July 30th and dad called me from upstairs after I had stayed up there till like 11:30 cause we were writing down how much morphine to give her each hour. And the nurse had just told us that she might not have that long left to live. Like maybe saturday or monday, cause it was already friday the 30th.

But after the nurse left, Dad told me to go through her pictures and find his favorite photo of her. I didn't even cry like he did, I had already cried at 10am when I saw no matter what I did, she was still shaking and not responding to me talking to her like before. Still grunting. It was like me being on nurse mode, made my heart, my emotions feel numb. But after I left the room and called Hospice, I finally let it out.

Grandma passed at around 1:30 or 2pm. And two of my aunts and my cousins were over. My cousins playing a game of Uno in the dining room as if nothing traumatic was going on upstairs. None of them reacted at all until they all joined us in the living room as she being carried down the stairs by the funeral service guys. It was amazing to see how insensitive at 1st the kids were, then to see my mom cry about not being strong enough for my dad, when I was sorta pissed off and confused and still in shock about grandma. LIKE WTFFF MOMMM FUCKING CRYYY THAT'S THE REASON WHY YALL HAVE PROBLEMS IN YALL RELATIONSHIP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP NOW

STOP HIDING YOUR FUCKING SADNESS, ANGER, AND GRIEF FROM YOUR FAMILY BY BEING A CRAZY ASS PSYCHOPATH WHO EXPECTS PEOPLE TO ACT NORMAL AND BE HAPPY WHEN SOMETHING SHITTY LIKE THIS HAPPENS

GODDAMN IT MOM FUCKING CRY. YOU'RE HUMAN. IM HUMAN. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FUCKING CRY. WE'RE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FEEL OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING.

AND IM ALLOWED TO BE DEPRESSED AND UNSATISFIED WITH MY LIFE AND MY RELIGION THAT DOESN'T LET ME DO WHAT I WANT AND BE HAPPY WITH WHOEVER I WANT TO BE WITH.

AND MOM IM GAY. I FELL IN LOVE WITH WITH A GIRL WHO LATER ON DECIDED TO BE A THEY, AND NOW A HE AND I'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN AS A THEY, CAUSE NOW HE'S GROWING A BEARD, A DICK, A NEW VOICE AGAIN, AND SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TO ANOTHER CONTROLLING PSYCHOPATH THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU AND I HAD SEX WITH HER TOO, BUT I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE CAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF ME AND HER WANNA KILL EACH OTHER OR IF SHE'S ACTUALLY A COUSIN OR NOT WHO REMINDS ME OF MY TRAUMA WHEN I WAS A KID. AND WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT INCEST POSSIBLY BEING A GENE OF TRAUMA IN THIS FAMILY.

I LITERALLY WATCHED MY COUSINS WHO WERE FAMILY, HAVE SEX AND THEY WERE KIDS JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE WATCHING PORN AND NOBODY BROUGHT IT BACK UP TO EVEN EXPLAIN WHY OR WHAT HAPPENED. AND ALL I SEE IS FLASHBACKS OF SHIT WHENEVER SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME IN MY LIFE. CAUSE I KNOW INCEST IS BAD.

AND THATS WHY I STILL AM GROSSED OUT BY THE IDEA OF AYUNNA AS A WHOLE BECAUSE SHE SMELLS WEIRD AND HAS GROSS MORNING BREATH, SHE SNORTS FOR 45 MIN TO AN HR EVERY MORNING SHE WAKES UP LIKE ITS NORMAL TO NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE NORMALLY LIKE THAT IN YOUR SLEEP AND SHE'S ABNOXIOUS AND GROSS AND IMMATURE BUT JAY PRETENDS LIKE SHE'S MATURE AND IM NOT EVEN THOUGH IM SMARTER, IM BETTER, MORE EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE TO HANDLE THEM BEING DEPRESSED TO NOT JUDGE THEM FOR IT, CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANNA DIE TO ESCPAE MY PAIN AND MY REALITY CAUSE ITS NICE AND EASIER TO HAVE AFRIEND WHO WANTS TO GO BACK TO BEING TAKEN CARE OF LIKE A BABY AND HAVE FUN JUST LIKE YOU TOO.

I feel like i lost a lot this year...including my sanity...thanks a lot Athena for triggering me. Now going back to talking to grandma as if she was here like I did when i was on the flight for the very 1st time after 911 and I had a silent panic attack because I was holding it in for the kid and the obnoxious older black lady next to me on my flight.

I cried my tears out and everything felt tight up on my back, making me scared and numb and tingly like I was on a rollercoaster. and mom thought I was just overreacting.

I need someone who understands me and knows exactly how it feels to be me, and I thought that person was this crazy bitch on the internet, who's gay and trans and lost a bunch of her family due to trauma. Because she's autistic, and not the one where they cant talk and do things for themselves. She talks to me just like I would to myself when I wasn't feeling good.

And idk, if I might have some sort of autism or spectrum thing too. Or did my family brainwash me into thinking nothing was wrong with me, the way they treated me, and how I was behaving...just because they didn't wanna believe it either.

I wanna know what's wrong with me, my life, my family and how do I fix it so it doesn't keep happening. I wanna know how can I avoid becoming like my parents and ending up in a controlling, aggressive, petty relationship like my dad who became passive just so he could deal with it and hide his pain from her.

I dont know what a healthy relationship looks like with no confrontations that leads to fights, arguing that leads to yelling at each other's faces and getting distracted with emotions to where we throw things at each other or just walk out without saying anything...

Because I dont know how to be angry. Cause I was never allowed to. and the people who birth me, don't know how to control theirs either without hurting the person they care about, someway or some sort.

I still to this day don't know how to communicate when I get angry. Because I feel like I was adopted from all the daycare people who used to take me in at night time when mom would drop me off and I never knew when she was coming back cause she didn't tell me.