#its in a baggy somewhere in my room

[girlwithfish]

i want to do ac*d after im done w the semester i deserve that

#its in a baggie somewhere in my room 😹

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue [Part Two]

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

READ PART ONE HERE

Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!

A/N: Here she is, months overdue, but here she is. I know nobody will want to read my author note considering the behemoth before you but I just want to thank you for sticking with me for so long. I am, of course, already working on part 3 and will continue to work on it as I continue my hiatus. The only thing I ask of you is to take your time and enjoy! I know I am going to be returning to inactivity very soon but your comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and always appreciated. I love y'all endlessly and I hope you enjoy it.

WORD COUNT: 36.1K | Playlist

September 2007

Two weeks had passed since you discovered you were pregnant with Suguru’s baby. Now you were sitting in a dull waiting room, blinded by fluorescent lights as you waited for your name to be called. Shoko had taken the news well, not that you expected her to be shocked in any capacity. She had said something along the lines of “I knew it.” when you had told her the next day, Satoru, who was  by your side, was slightly disappointed she didn’t have a bigger reaction. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go back with you?” Shoko had leaned closer to you, whispering so other people in the waiting room wouldn't hear. “I’m sure, Shoko. I’ll be okay.” 

It had taken weeks to see a doctor, mostly because she had been booked out. Your morning sickness hadn’t gotten much better, so you assumed you were still lingering somewhere in your first trimester. September was slowly coming to an end, with October looming on the horizon the world had slowly begun its transition to reflect that. This transition brought you the weather you really needed, allowing you to wear comfortable baggy clothing. “The perfect time to hide a pregnancy.” you had mused, much to Satoru’s disdain. Your leg bounced at the memory, your hand coming to rest on your stomach. It was a habit that you had picked up shortly after the test came back positive. You felt the urge to protect them, even though they were as safe as they could be, snuggling in your womb. There was truly no place safer for them right now. 

Things hadn’t gotten all that easier either, within the past two weeks, you had to live through the one month anniversary of Suguru’s deflection. It had been harder to swallow than you thought it would be, the sinking reality that four weeks had passed since you had seen his face was unbearable. Going from seeing him nearly every second of everyday to nothing at all felt as cold as the air at night. You had to wonder what he was doing at that very moment, maybe he was up making those girls breakfast. The idea of him being a father already, caring for those two little girls, it made your heart flutter and sink at the very same time. You wanted to be there, you wanted to help him, you wanted to tell him you were pregnant, that he got what he wanted. 

“Y/N Y/L/N?” 

You blinked back into reality as Shoko hit your arm, a nurse dressed in light pink scrubs was looking around the waiting room after calling the next name on her list. You nearly jumped out of your chair, motioning for Shoko to stay where she was as you got up and made your way over. You ignored the small grumble from her, it seems she had still intended on following you back for the appointment despite your reassurance of being okay to go alone. “Good morning dear, follow me.” You mustered the best smile you could in response,uttering a soft “morning” as she grabbed the door handle to enter the portion of the office that held the exam rooms. You went through the routine process, having your weight and height checked before being brought into a private room. It was different from other doctors offices, there was an ultrasound set up and various posters about sexual health and pregnancy scattered about. It made you feel a bit dizzy. 

“So we had you take a urine sample and get your blood while you waited, I have the results of the urine test but not the blood yet. That should be ready for you once the doctor is ready to come in and perform the exam… in the meantime let’s go over the basics” She was typing on her laptop as she spoke, looking at you briefly as you nodded. Your hands were clasped together in front of you, feeling cold and clammy at the same time. You shifted due to your nerves, the paper below you crumpling as you fidgeted. The nurse went through the basics, making sure your insurance information and home address was correct. “You’re in college?” she questioned absentmindedly, as if trying to make small talk with you. “No, not yet. I graduate high school in the spring.” You felt your face grow warm as she let out a soft “oh.” 

Luckily for you, she didn’t press further and hid her judgment within seconds. You kept your eyes trained on the floor as she continued her interrogation, getting your basic health and allergies on file before shutting her laptop and gracing you with a fake smile. “Alright then, that’s it for my portion of the exam. The doctor will be in shortly to discuss your results.” You nodded, thanking her quietly as she left the room. Silence rang in your ears as you were left alone with nothing but your thoughts. hands still clasped tightly together as you dragged your eyes away from the floor and observed the examination room. There were shelves on the wall with various pamphlets, all of them geared towards women's reproductive health and pregnancy. 

You used to laugh at those things when you were younger, wondering if anyone would even bother taking them. Now, you were tempted to get up and go grab a few for yourself. But as you moved, the paper crinkled so loudly that it made you still again. It reminded you of just how silent the godforsaken room was, it reminded you of how alone you were. Now, as you sat there, you wished you had just let Shoko get up and follow you back here. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, it was likely Shoko would have been allowed back here with you,  considering most women brought their partners with them. It would have brought you two a good laugh for the nurses to assume you were a lesbian couple. 

You could hear Shoko now, coming up with some asinine plot to what the nurses probably thought was going on with the two of you. Probably contemplating who your “real” partner was considering Shoko couldn’t get you pregnant. Though, your partner still wasn’t aware of his child growing within your body. Suguru should be here in this room with you, sitting in the empty chair across from the exam table you sat on. He should have been filling this empty space with jokes about how nervous you looked, making you laugh and forget why you were scared in the first place. But he wasn’t. You were doing this alone. That was the part that hurt the most, because this whole “doing it alone” thing was your choice. 

At some point during your storm of emotions, you had begun to blame yourself for Suguru not being with you. Your brain took the liberty of twisting the events in your mind so harshly that they had deteriorated all together, you couldn’t recall the truth anymore. Somewhere along the way, you had convinced yourself this was your choice, that Suguru wasn’t here because you were keeping him away. A quick couple of knocks on the door signaled the doctor’s arrival, effectively pulling you out of your forlorn daze. “Good morning, how are you?” A short, plump woman entered the room with a cheery smile, one you couldn’t help but return. “I’m alright.” Which was pure bullshit, but she didn't really need to know your whole life story. 

“Ah, that’s better than most answers.” she chuckled to herself, setting her clipboard down on the counter and reaching for soap so she could wash her hands. You found yourself flinching, suddenly feeling bad for lying to a woman who hadn’t known of your existence until walking through that door only seconds prior. “I have the results of your blood test…” she started, scrubbing her hands until they turned visibly soapy. “If it were bad news, I’d be telling you a lot more formally than this. However, your results were looking very good! You’re definitely pregnant.” You let out a shaky sigh of relief, hand resting over your stomach again as you smiled. “That’s wonderful news.” because, despite everything, it really was. You could now look at this as a shimmering ray of hope peaking out among your storm clouds. 

The doctor smiled, turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. “Your results indicate you are roughly around the eleven week mark. You’re nearly done with your first trimester.” That was a bit jarring to you, and by the look on the woman’s face, she could tell. “It’s not unusual for some women to go a while without realizing, some women don’t even know they are pregnant until they go into labor and assume it’s kidney stones. Have you missed your cycle?” She was pulling blue gloves over her hands as she spoke. So much information being thrown at you that you had to blink for a moment before uttering  “I’ve been going through some things in my personal life, I suppose my last cycle was sometime in June then… I assumed it was stress.” 

“That would line up with the HCG levels, you likely got pregnant early to mid-july. But don’t worry, I should be able to pinpoint it a little more accurately with an ultrasound.” Your heart skipped a beat, you hadn’t expected to see your baby this soon. You watched her move to turn on the machine, brows creasing as you began trying to shift through your hazy memories. You figured it was likely useless to try and pinpoint when Suguru could have gotten you pregnant, because the damage was already done at this point. You realized you hadn’t responded, clearing your throat a bit as she walked over to the machine and began turning it on. “So, I’ll be entering my second trimester soon? I-is it alright that I didn’t know for this long? I-is the baby okay?” You felt your lip tremble as you spoke, suddenly more anxious than before. 

“Oh honey…” the doctor stopped what she was doing and reached out a hand to place it over your own. “You are perfectly fine, baby should be doing good too. We’ll get to hear their heartbeat in just a few minutes and I’ll be able to give you a rough timeline for the rest of your pregnancy. I can assure you, it’s okay that you didn’t know until recently. We’ll get you on some prenatals and other vitamins to keep you and baby in tip-top shape.” Her presence was grandmotherly, it set your racing mind at ease. Mentally you would have to remember to thank Shoko for finding this woman for you. “Thank you.” you breathed out as she placed some of her supplies on the metal tray beside the exam bed. You had so much you could say at that moment but thanking her was the only thing that would come out. “No problem, honey.” 

A few beats of silence passed before she spoke again. “Alright, I’m going to have you lay back and lift your shirt for me, pull down your sweatpants a bit as well.” You took a shaky breath, nodding as she moved around the table to flick off the main lights. The exam room was left in a golden glow from the small lamp on the desk in the corner, paired with the fluorescent-ish glow from the ultrasound screen. You did as she instructed, lifting your shirt and pushing down the waistband of your sweats so your stomach was no longer obstructed. “The gel is going to be a little cold, but it warms up quick.” Your throat felt dry, so you nodded, hands clasping tightly together to rest on your chest as you watched her squirt some of the clear liquid on your abdomen. “I’m also going to have to press down a bit, which may cause some discomfort at first but I assure you that the baby is safe while I do this.” You nodded again, mouth feeling too dry to respond verbally at that moment. “Alright, let’s see your baby.” 

You gave a shaky smile, eyes immediately focusing on the black screen as she pressed the ultrasound’s wand to your stomach. You flinched a bit before getting used to the feeling of the wand pressing so deeply. “Sorry, honey. At this stage the baby is so small that we really need to get in there… if this doesn’t pick them up then I may have to do an internal ultrasound.” She was walking you through each step, which you were abundantly grateful for. After a little bit of searching, she let out a happy sigh as something small and vaguely baby shaped appeared on the screen. “There they are! At this stage they are just starting to kick and stretch, but they are too little for you to feel it yet.” You couldn’t breath, eyes zeroing in on the tiny little thing that was your child. The doctor was smiling, using her other hand to take pictures and measure. 

“Ah, what an over achiever, they are nearly two inches in length right now! They are measuring a little ahead.” You couldn’t help but smile, eyes turning a bit glossy. “Just like their daddy, he’d be so proud.” The words felt foreign but at the same time they felt just right, your head would surely implode if you dwelled on it for too long. The doctor only chuckled, clicking some buttons on the keyboard to snap more pictures as she moved the wand around your stomach. You were thankful she didn’t inquire further about the father, though you were sure it was probably against practice to ask such personal things outright. “Well, mama, would you like to hear their heartbeat?” You inhaled sharply, eyeing her suspiciously to make sure she wasn’t joking. “I-I would love to.” your tone was shaky, hands curling at your sides as she smiled. “Alright, one sec.” 

After a small stretch of silence, you heard it. Through the speakers, the strong and steady heartbeat of your baby met your ears. You let out a choked sob, the noise surprising you as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, it was probably the best thing you’ve heard over the course of the last month. You didn’t want it to end, you wanted to sit there on that table and look at your baby, hear their heartbeat, for as long as you possibly could. “They are doing wonderful, mama. It’s too soon to tell the gender, but the baby is doing great. You have nothing to worry about.” you nodded, heart aching a bit as she turned the sound off and pulled the wand away. 

“I’ll have those pictures printed so you can take them home.” She wiped the gel off of your stomach, tossing it in the trash before moving around the table to turn the lights on again. You sat up, wiping your eyes as you pulled your shirt down and readjusted your sweats. “That would be wonderful, thank you.” you chuckled a bit as she handed you some tissues for your face and nose. “Now that we’ve got all the fun stuff out of the way, I’m going to prescribe you some prenatals and other vitamins like we discussed earlier. If you’ll give me a few minutes, I’ll go get things in order so you’ll leave here feeling a little less overwhelmed.” You smiled, thanking her again as you resituated yourself on the table. She stepped out a moment later, still grinning. 

Once again you were “alone”, but this time it didn’t feel all that lonely.

—

“Did you really mean what you said last week?” You set your pen down, looking across your room to see Suguru sitting at your desk. You were both working on different assignments but still wanted to spend time together. “Hmm?” Suguru set his own pen down, turning his body to look at you where you sat on your own bed. “About… ya know… wanting to get me pregnant.” You watched a shy smile pass over Suguru’s face as he sighed. “Yeah… I meant it.” He started softly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. You had to chuckle at the fact that Suguru had stuffed an extra pen through his bun, just in case the other died while writing. “I guess you could say I have baby fever.” 

“Baby fever, huh?” you teased, putting your notebook to the side as you did. “Yeah, baby fever. I just… fuck I don’t know it’s been a thought on my mind for a while now. I keep seeing these happy families, their small children giggling and playing and… I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a father. When I envisioned our baby, fuck my heart just melted.” he sighed, face turning a little red before he continued on. “I started thinking about how cute you’d look pregnant, how cute you’d be as a mom. How sweet it would be to hear their little voice calling you mama.” Your lips parted, completely entranced by the world he was painting you. 

“Suguru.” you stated rather bluntly, smiling as his head shot up to look at you. At some point in his rambling, he had begun staring into space, as if envisioning the things he talked about. “Y-yeah?” You laugh softly, crawling off your bed and crossing the small space until you stand before him. “Come here.”  You smile, hands gently cupping his cheeks and forcing his head to look up at you. “ I love you so much.” You started softly, thumb gingerly brushing along the plains of his cheekbone. Suguru swallowed, brown eyes observing every inch of your face. “I love you too.” He breathed, subconsciously leaning into your touch. “If you’re serious, if you truly want a baby…”

“I do.” 

Your lips parted before you smiled brightly, giggling a bit at his instant reassurance. “... then I am more than willing to try and conceive.”  You hadn’t intended for it to come out so seductive, but the way Suguru’s breathing hitched told you it had a dual effect. “Really?” You nodded, thumb still gently caressing his cheeks. “I know we’re young and all, but I think there is no time better than the present to chase your dreams.” You snorted at your own cheesiness, laughing as Suguru’s arms came around your waist to hug you tightly. “Thank you.” his voice was soft, just above a whisper. “You know, I have to ask, Suguru… especially since you seemed to put a ton of thought into this.” 

“Yeah? Anything. Ask away.” You reached up and tugged the pen out of his bun, fingers moving to delicately pull his hair out of the bun itself. You always enjoyed it when he had his hair down. “What was the moment that made you realize it was more than just a desire, that it was something you actually wanted. I know you said you saw families and all that but… you’re a man of purpose. Something in particular egged you on and I’m dying to know what.” From the way his cheeks turned red, you knew you had hit the nail on the head. He wasn’t lying about the baby fever, but you knew him too well to know that it wasn’t just an accumulation of events. 

One thing in particular had been his “breaking point” of sorts. 

“Alright you caught me.” he sighed deeply, eyes glancing away from you before looking up again. “Remember that weekend I went home to visit family?” You nodded, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Suguru’s arms opened, allowing you to climb onto his lap as he spoke. “Well, my cousin had just had her baby a few weeks prior. Since she knew I was coming home to visit for the weekends, she came over with her new baby to introduce us.” You nodded again, humming thoughtfully as you twirled some of his hair around your fingers. “I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby before.” He added, cheeks a rosy pink instead of flaming red. 

“And when she put that little baby in my arms I… fuck I just melted.” 

He swallowed, finding it endearing that you were so invested in every word he spoke. “I just remember thinking that… there was nothing more special than that bond. The bond between mother and child… between father and child. I found myself imagining what it would be like to hold my own newborn… and I was serious when I said every time I envisioned it, they always looked like you.” He relaxed a bit when you leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away again. “That’s a beautiful reason, you know.” You hugged him after saying it, letting your chin rest on his shoulders as his arms encompassed your waist and squeezed. 

“I want to be a dad, I’ve known that from the very moment I held that baby. But I… if you aren’t ready… I don’t want to force you to do anything.” The vulnerability in his voice made your heart squeeze, it was very rare that Suguru was openly shy about something. “No time better than the present, ya know.” You whispered it again, feeling his breath stutter as you spoke. “Really?” he breathed out again, as if in disbelief that you were saying yes despite already agreeing once before. 

You nod, trying to contain your smile. “It’s not like it’ll happen right away, it takes time. Most couples have to try for a while before they strike gold.” 

“I guess that is true, there are a lot of factors that go into this… it’s a miracle that women are even able to conceive in the first place when you truly look at it.” you felt yourself giggling, finding it cute that Suguru had clearly put some research into this whole idea too. He wanted it, so bad, you couldn’t bear the thought of not trying to give it to him. “So… what do you say, shall we start now?” you pulled away from his hug, grinning deviously at him. “Right now?” Suguru looked shocked, eyes wide and lips slightly parted before he was able to collect his thoughts. “Yeah, right now.” studies could wait, of course they could. Suguru knew that just as well as you did. 

Suguru answered you with a kiss, lips melting against your own as his hands clung to your waist. 

—

“So this… is the baby?” Satoru’s glasses hung low on his nose, blue eyes observing the glossy paper intently. “Yep, that’s the baby.” You were laying on the couch, head resting on Shoko’s lap as she absentmindedly played with your hair. “Are you… sure?” Satoru was having a difficult time comprehending that the white, vaguely human-shaped blob on the glossy sheets of paper was a baby. “Positive, Satoru. They don’t start looking like a real human until around the twenty week mark.” Satoru shot you a glance over one of the photos, a smile tugging on his lips as he spoke “So what you’re saying is you’re carrying an alien for a while.” This time it was Shoko to interject, shooting Satoru a glare as she threw her lighter at him. “Be nice, Satoru.” 

You, on the other hand, had begun to laugh. “I’ll take away uncle privileges, Satoru.”

“Hey! Let’s not get too hasty there, Mothership.” Satoru looked mildly offended at the idea of you pulling his uncle privileges before he could even get them. You sat up now, eyes meeting Shoko’s before you burst out laughing. “Did you just call me mothership?” You would be offended if it was anyone other than Satoru using the nickname. “...Maybe.” Satoru had set the photos down on his lap, no longer holding them up to examine like he was looking for a hidden secret. “You’re so mean, Satoru.” Shoko sighed, sad that your warmth was no longer on her lap. “She’s laughing, Shoko!” Satoru tried to defend his honor, it was still a rare sight to see you laughing. 

“What is with all the commotion?” The three of you fell silent instantly, heads turning to see Yaga enter the common room. You had yet to inform the principal of your pregnancy, he had absolutely no idea that you were carrying Suguru’s baby. You had intended on telling him after you told Shoko the following morning, but you chickened out and had yet to find the courage. “Nothing major, just hanging out.” Careful as possible, Satoru was sliding the ultrasound pictures behind the arm of the couch so Yaga couldn’t see them. Luckily for the three of you, his eyes were mainly focused on you. “I hadn’t heard your laugh in a while, y/n. I thought you may have lost it.” 

“Ah, well, leave it to Satoru to find it for me again.” You smiled, an almost real smile that still felt foreign on your lips. You were certain you would never feel the joy of a real, genuine smile until Suguru was in your arms again. Though, that day may never come. You were still heavily weighing your options, knowing the choice you wanted to pick was the one that would cost you the things you had within your reach. Your love for Suguru would never blind you from the fact that you loved Shoko and Satoru just as dearly… at least you hoped it wouldn’t. “Ah, he’s good for something I suppose.” His tone was teasing, earning snickers from both you and Shoko. 

“You wound me, principal!” 

Yaga just shook his head, smiling a bit before moving to leave the room. “Remember, you three, I’m always a call away.” You all shared a knowing glance before nodding your heads. With that, Yaga left the common area, leaving the three of you to relax again. Satoru was careful as he pulled the ultrasound pics up again, looking them over one last time before folding them neatly and reaching across to give them to you. “That was close.” he offered with a grin as you took them and set them face down on the coffee table. “It was, but you managed to hide them well, Toru.” You grinned as you settled back again, lying comfortably with your head on Shoko’s lap. 

“See, Yaga isn’t wrong, he is good for something.” Shoko laughed as Satoru rolled his eyes, flipping her the finger before reaching for the lighter she had chucked at him. “You seem to forget I can keep this.” He taunted her with her favorite lighter, you weren’t even sure why she threw it in the first place considering Satoru’s infinity was able to block it. It had bounced off of his barrier and landed on the couch cushion beside him. Again, you three were lucky that Yaga hadn’t seen it, he was pretty convinced Shoko had given up on the smoking habit. “Give it back, Satoru, I’m too comfy to have her moving.” You whined as Shoko tried to get off the couch. 

“You heard the pregnant lady, give it.” Shoko taunted, knowing she had already won the battle thanks to you. “Fine, fine, here.” he tossed it over, uttering out “nice catch” as Shoko caught it with one hand. “So, back to business.” Shoko smiled as she twirled the lighter around her fingers. “How are we telling Yaga that little miss here is pregnant with the problem child’s baby?” You made a noise of annoyance at Shoko’s words, smiling a bit as she raised her eyebrow at you. “Well, I don’t think it will be easy telling anyone… Besides you, Shoko. You took the news like a champ.” Satoru was still reeling over how calm she had been about the whole thing. 

—

“Are you sure you want to tell her right now?” Satoru was buttoning his uniform top, you two would still have to continue on with your lives like it was any other day. “She needs to know, there is no way I could keep this from her.” She basically already knew, but you couldn’t say that to Satoru yet. Just in case Shoko had the opposite of the reaction you were anticipating. The whole concept still felt foreign to you, so did the fact that it felt natural for your hand to rest on your abdomen. You didn’t think you should be adapting to this so quickly, then again what were you supposed to do? 

“I know that, I’m not saying we never tell her. But you still seem to be pretty in shock over this.” 

“Which is exactly why I need to tell her.” If anything goes wrong in your life, Shoko has always been the person you ran to. It wasn’t until Suguru left that you had started running to Satoru instead. Part of you felt guilty about that, like you were leaving her in the dust. She knew you and Satoru’s pain just as well, it hurt you to know you had started seeking comfort in him rather than her. “If you insist, I’ll back you up all the way.” he grinned as you pouted, feet kicking idly. 

You had snuck off and gotten dressed before he even woke up. Now all that was left was to rip off the band-aid and reveal to Shoko that she had been right all along. “I’m glad you aren’t scared of Shoko’s wrath.” you laughed as you pushed off of his bed, shuffling to the door with a grin. “I’m not the one that got you pregnant, her wrath isn’t directed at me.” You felt your cheeks grow warm as you shook your head, pushing his door open and heading into the hall. “You’re too blunt sometimes, Satoru.” You felt mildly embarrassed about how he put it, that and an odd sense of possessiveness. 

“Well it’s the truth, Suguru is the one that knocked you up.” He shrugged as he followed you out into the hall, turning to shut the door just as you reached up and smacked his shoulder. “And you’re fucking vulgar! Be kind!” your tone was a mix of teasing and annoyance, one Satoru knew quite well. If he had to work you up to get glimpses of your old self, then so be it. “I am being kind, you’re just being sensitive.” risky thing to say to a woman, nevermind a pregnant woman. 

“You are a menace, Gojo Satoru.” You huffed, crossing your arms to glare at him as he replied with a sheepish grin. “Hey, sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. You’re just so easy to tease.” He made a kissy face at you, watching your nose scrunch in amusement before turning to head down the hall. “I’ll have to work on making things harder for you, Satoru.” You sighed as he whistled. “Don’t quite know how Suguru would feel about that.” He was laughing when you turned to swing on him, a smile pulling at your lips as he blocked you. “A menace and a perv… I’ll start sharing Shoko’s bed.” 

“Hey! No way! You’re so warm, I like having you in my bed.” Satoru pouted, as if you were a cat looking to find a new home. “Eh, don’t know how Suguru would feel about that.” You mimicked him, smiling widely now as he rolled his eyes. “I guess you’re right.” Ever since you realized, it has become a little easier to say Suguru’s name. You had to wonder why, your emotions were still a stormy mess but… speaking about him didn’t really hurt that bad right now. Maybe you were just riding on a high of emotions, but compared to the low from the night before… you had doubts. 

“Shoko!” you knocked on her door, glancing back at Satoru as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he was masking his anxiety well, but you knew better than anyone that Satoru was mentally shitting his pants at the idea of informing Shoko about your predicament. “One minute!” Her voice rang from the other side of the door, mildly surprised in tone to hear you. She had expected Satoru, just as she had been expecting him every morning to go pull you out of your depression pit dorm room. For you to be at her door too… something was up. 

“What’s with the welcome party?” Shoko’s door swung open, eyes traveling over the two of you with a quirked brow. “Got some news for ya…” you started bold, not missing the way Satoru inhaled sharply. “News for me? About?” she had no idea where you could be going with this, but she assumed any direction you took would lead to Suguru somehow. “Well you see… that conversation we had yesterday…” and Shoko knew immediately. “Shoko, I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh, okay.”

“That… you’re fucking kidding me! That’s IT?” Satoru looked completely appalled at the woman’s casual response. You were a bit surprised yourself but that didn’t stop you from laughing at Satoru’s over reaction. “Yeah, that’s it. Am I supposed to scream or something?” Shoko was stepping into the hall, turning to shut her dorm room’s door before turning back to face you and Satoru. “So what do we do now?” Satoru couldn’t believe it, from the gut wrenching sobs you had made, he half expected the world to implode when it was time for you to tell another person. 

So…when it didn’t… he couldn’t quite get over it. “That’s a great question, honestly I have no idea.” You sighed, feeling a little antsy as you turned to walk down the hall. “Ya know, this isn’t fair.” Satoru pouted, arms crossing as he followed after you with no hesitation. “What isn't fair?” Shoko questioned as she fell into step beside you. “That you got the easy reveal and the easy reaction. She nearly gave me a fucking heart attack last night! I mean really I felt my balls shrivel.” 

You nearly tripped over your own two feet at that, laughter so genuine bubbling out of you that it made the previous night feel like a distant memory. “Ew TMI Satoru.” Shoko plugged her nose, sticking her tongue out as the three of you made your way down the stairs and out to the sunny day ahead. “It’s the damn truth.” Satoru mumbled under his breath as you pushed through the double doors, shoving his sunglasses further up his face in an attempt to block out the blinding sun. 

“I mean I’ll side with him this time, Shoko. I really did scare the life out of him. I thought he was going to faint.” You had collapsed into his arms, if anyone was about to faint, it would have been you. “That’s only half true.” Satoru mumbled in defeat, throwing himself down on a picnic table bench and watching as you and Shoko clambered into the other side. “It’s not important right now, what’s important is trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do now. I don’t want anyone knowing besides the two of you. Not Yaga, not Utahime, Meimei, Nanami…” 

“We get it.” Satoru stuck his tongue out, feeling far cheekier than usual this morning. Maybe it was because he was still partially convinced he had smacked his head and this was all a dream. “So rude this morning, Toru~” there was a hint of a smile on your face though, one that had the tips of his ears burning pink as you turned to look at Shoko. “The first thing we need to do is get you a doctor. If the tests came back positive, it still needs to be confirmed with blood work. Along with that they need to make sure the baby is actually growing.” Shoko pulled out a pack of cigarettes as she spoke.

“Okay, so, doctors is the next step… then what?” Satoru questioned, watching the flame ignite on the end of Shoko’s lighter. “Then I grow the baby till they are ready to be born.” You said in a bored tone. You knew what Satoru was implying but you weren’t ready to cross that bridge yet. Suguru needed to know, you were still hanging onto that fact. You couldn't do this without him. “Oh gee I would have never guessed.” Satoru deadpanned as he snatched Shoko’s pack, ignoring her glare as he also snatched her lighter. “I’m not in the mood to discuss that part yet, Satoru.” 

Your tone was final, so much so that Shoko merely nodded, eyes glaring holes into Satoru’s head so he wouldn't dare push the topic. He swallowed his words, putting the cigarette to his lips before mumbling out “fine, I’ll drop it… for now.” 

—

The day had come and gone, night had fallen once more and you found yourself lounging in Satoru’s bed. He was showering at the moment so you had it to yourself, the dim light of the little lamp on his desk was just enough for you to admire the ultrasound photos. You had been looking at them on and off all day, still struggling to comprehend that it was your baby. “It’s crazy that you’ll continue to grow into a living, breathing, talking person. You’ll have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own voice…” you hummed softly, hand resting on your abdomen as you spoke to your baby’s pictures. It all felt so damn surreal. 

“I wonder what your daddy would think…” You felt your voice crack as you whispered those words out loud. Your heart was still aching from his absence, but with your child growing, it was hard to feel totally alone. Part of him was growing within you, you just needed him to know it. You straightened the moment Satoru’s bathroom door opened, wiping your eyes in an attempt to make it look like you were yawning instead. “Not visiting Shoko tonight?” Satoru smiled, white shirt hanging on his lean frame, a towel resting on his shoulders and collecting the water droplets from his damp hair. “Nah, she said she needed to get some stuff done.” 

“She’s such a procrastinator, the deadlines for those med-school applications are like two days from now.” You nodded, you weren’t quite sure how your friend intended on getting the seven applications done in time. “I highly doubt she’ll be truthful to them anyways.” You laughed, she was determined to get in with no prior college experience or any experience in the medical field save for her curse technique. But, if there was anyone who could cheat their way into med-school, it would definitely be Shoko. “She’ll somehow be fine… she always is.” Satoru chuckled as he moved about his room, picking up his towel to dry his white locks. 

With his back turned to you, he nearly whispered what he said next. “You’re sad again.” You felt your brows twitch before forcing them into perfectly maintained neutrality. “When have I not been sad, Satoru?” you tried softly, folding the ultrasound pictures neatly together again from their extended accordion strip. “You know what I mean, y/n. You were crying before I came in.” You stopped folding, inhaling shakily before turning to meet his gaze. “I wasn’t crying yet. You actually interrupted me, Satoru.” you weren’t even sure why you had been trying to hide it in the first place. There was no sneaking anything by him. Those six eyes of his were always on alert, always observant, even more so nowadays. 

Satoru was still quiet, his towel resting on his shoulders again as he turned to observed you. “I miss him terribly, Satoru. Nothing is going to fix that.” You could tell he was stewing on something, but he was holding himself back. “Say it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it.” This time, he looked mildly surprised, not used to being the one so easily read. “You’re not going to see him.” He stated rather plainly, but you could see his jaw clenching after he uttered the words out loud. You felt your stomach twist in the same way it had with your morning sickness… morning sickness you had become quite acquainted with at this point. 

“I didn’t plan on it.” You shot back, lying through your teeth like he wouldn’t be able to pick you apart in an instant. “Yeah, bull shit y/n. I’m not stupid.” You felt anger bubbling over the nausea, not particularly enjoying the way he was talking down to you. “Watch your tone, Satoru.” Dangerously low, full of promise. It was enough to snap him back into reality for a second. “Sorry.” he started “I’ll be more mindful. However, that doesn’t change my previous statement.” You felt your head tilting, eyes narrowing as you sized the strongest sorcerer up. “You do not get to decide what I can and cannot do, Satoru.” 

There, you finally said it, maybe it was very indirect but Satoru knew exactly what you meant with those words. He looked stunned, but at the same time if he had any fight left in him, he wasn’t going to push upon the matter. Your gaze didn’t soften, rather it continued to size him up until his shoulders sagged. “Forget I said anything, you’re right. I don’t get a say in it.” Yet, you could tell he was saying it just to maintain peace. You weighed your options, was it really worth giving up your sanity for a fight you weren’t willing to have yet? In the end, you swallowed your emotions, wondering if it was possible that your hormones were already causing mood swings. “We can discuss this when we are both ready… not weighed down by our own baggage.” 

Finally, your gaze had returned to its normal, slightly sad state. Satoru found that it was easier for him to breathe again, so he pulled the towel off his shoulders and turned to enter his bathroom. “I agree.” He called as he hung the damp towel over the top of his curtain rods, letting it air dry till morning so he could put it in the hamper to be washed. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?” He emerged with a smile, the tension in the room subsiding considerably as you relaxed back into his covers, comfortable under his blankets. “Gladly.” You teased him, turning onto your side as he flopped down beside you. “Do you have any name ideas yet?” 

You blinked, not thinking that was the route he was going to take. “Oh-uhm… well I’ve certainly thought about it over the last two weeks. I don’t know if I want to find out their gender… I’m tempted to wait until they are born. Makes it more fun that way but… I’m eager.” You confess with a dreamy smile, one that has Satoru’s lips parting in awe for a moment before he quickly recovers. “I don’t know how you’d do it, I’ve been itching to know since you told me.” He confessed softly, eyes lingering to where your hand had found its new home. He didn’t think a day had gone by in these last few weeks where he didn’t see your hand resting on your stomach. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it, Satoru. When the time comes, when she asks if I want to know the gender… I don’t think I’ll be able to say no.” You laughed softly, you were indifferent to what your baby’s gender would be. You didn’t care if they were a boy or a girl, you would be over the moon with either. But you were dying to know so you could buy them things, settle on a good name, look at baby furniture… “Are you going to share the name ideas or are you keeping them a secret?” He questioned when he saw you were starting to space out. He had been keen on trying to ground you in the present lately. 

“Oh well…” you started softly, suddenly shy to share the names you and Suguru had discussed what felt like centuries ago at this point. “For a boy, we discussed names like Ren, Ritsu, Isamu… oh and we really liked the name Hajime.” For some reason it felt very intimate to share this information. “But of course… it all depends on what he looks like. We can pick any name we want but really you can’t make the decisions till you meet them.” Satoru nodded, “I would go out on a limb to suggest Satoru… pretty solid name in my opinion.” You started to laugh, slapping his chest lightly “You’re relentless, Satoru.” 

“I may be relentless, but you love me.” He countered as you rolled your eyes. “I, unfortunately, have to agree with that.” You smiled at him, settling further into the bed before he spoke again. “How about girl names?” Satoru questioned, genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. “Oh well, we have way more of those than we do boy names. Suguru is particularly attached to Ayame and Sachi.” Satoru felt his cheeks redden, it seemed that it was just now hitting him how intimate this moment was. “I rather like Sachi and Ayame too but I really like the name Hanako.” There were a few others but you knew those three were the top contenders for a baby girl. 

“I mean Satoru can be a unisex name…” He added softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit because this was all starting to feel way too personal. Not that he really minded, it was more for his sake than yours. Laying in bed beside you, discussing baby names, it was playing with his head. “It is fully a male name, I would not name my little girl Satoru.” You laughed softly, trying to stifle your yawn as you pushed his shoulder. “Okay fine, I’ll drop the Satoru name agenda… for now.” You just smiled at him, shaking your head in an attempt to ignore the way your eyelids were steadily dropping. “You’re trying to fight your sleep?” this time, Satoru pushed your shoulder. 

“I guess I am…” you yawned, eyes watering “... I just like talking to you, Toru.” You felt warm and safe snuggled under his blankets and under the gaze of his watchful eyes. “I like talking to you too but…” his voice had cracked, heat flooding his cheeks as your eyes closed a little more. “But you need your rest, you’re literally growing another human inside of you. I’ll be here in the morning.” You nodded, eyes nearly closed completely at this point. “I guess you’re right…” he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Always guessing and never just admitting I’m right… good night.” He finished in a way you couldn’t argue with, leaving you to just sleepily hum in acknowledgment. 

—

He would stay awake longer than he wanted to, simply to watch your chest rise and fall as you slept soundly. He would remind himself with every small flutter of your eyelashes that you were dreaming, you were alive, you were breathing. Most importantly, he’d try and make himself believe that you weren't on your way out the door, leaving him behind just as Suguru had. 

But he knew better, god dammit he knew better and he hated himself for it. 

He could see it, with each passing day, each passing hour, your heart was choosing its path. The path that led straight out of his life and into the arms of the man you really loved. How he wished it was him, how desperately, selfishly Satoru wished it were him that you loved. The guilt would gnaw at his chest, making it feel like someone was ripping his heart open tendon by tendon, the blood leaking out an inky black. So weighed down by his guilt that it was tainted. 

He had tried, for years he had tried to suppress it. But nothing in this universe could block out the love he held for you so deep in his chest that it took the air from his lungs. He loved you, with every fiber of his being, even now he couldn’t understand how he had gotten so close to you without cracking and shattering to the floor like fine china. Satoru knew that even a month ago, the idea of holding you as you cried would have seemed like an impossible task. 

Not because he couldn’t restrain himself, god he couldn’t even think of you in that way without feeling immense guilt. But because he didn’t think he would ever be able to let you go. Initially he had been right, he had struggled, albeit for a fraction of a second, but he had let you go. Had you told him two months ago that he would be falling asleep with you beside him, he would have fainted on the spot, he was sure of it. 

Because even though he finally had you beside him, it wasn’t in the way he truly wanted. 

The way he truly wanted would forever be unattainable, for you were not his to keep. You had been right, you had been so god damn right when you said that he had no say in what you could and couldn’t do… and it killed him. Fuck did it kill him in every way but literally. If he could, he would keep you by his side forever, away from the man he still considered his one and only best friend, he would raise your baby with you so you didn’t need Suguru to feel whole. 

But that was not the route you were going to take, and he knew it. He knew it was only a matter of time until you ripped his chest wide open and left him only a fraction of the man he was. Suguru already had one half of his heart, if you were to leave, you would be taking the only half Satoru had left with you. Leaving him with nothing, completely and utterly alone. Why couldn’t you see he was more than enough for you? 

He was convinced he could give you a good, if not better life than what Suguru could offer you. He could provide for you and your child and you would never have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t have to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you wouldn’t have to work to make money. He could give you and your baby everything you could ever desire. It was a selfish thought, the selfish desire to have someone he couldn’t. 

Somewhere along the way, amid his heartbreak over Suguru, he had foolishly believed he could win your heart. As if Suguru’s deflection would suddenly make it easier, make it okay for him to pursue you. What a childish thought, what a selfish, naive thought. He loved you too much to put you in that position, he loved Suguru too much to betray him like that… even though Suguru had arguably done much worse. 

He inhaled shakily, watching your lips wobble as you must have dreamt about something. It grounded him for a moment, making everything in his room feel a little too real yet not real at all. Like he hadn’t been aware this whole time that he was alive, that this wasn’t some nightmare. For a moment, he was certain he would black out from the crushing weight of the realization. 

So he forced his eyes to close, squeezing shut so tight that colors and odd shapes began to blossom behind his eyelids. It didn’t help the way his chest had begun to rise and fall in a pattern that was starting to look like a panic attack. He didn’t know who to go to, he didn’t know who he could go to for help. The two people he always ran to were the two people he couldn’t. 

How was it possible he felt so alone when you were sleeping right beside him? How was it possible that he still ached for you when he knew you would take his heart and stomp on it. You were a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of days until your timer went out. So why wasn’t he savoring this? Why wasn’t he soaking in every second he had with you before you left? 

How was he already mourning you when you were right beside him? 

—

Late November 2007 

“It…It…” you huffed, trying to force the buttons of your white top together. “It doesn’t fit?” Shoko questioned with an amused face, watching you lose your breath as you tried to make the buttons clasp. Your stomach had grown considerably over the last few weeks, it was now becoming increasingly difficult to hide the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. “It–” you huffed out again, whining as the button you closed popped back open. Defeated, you flopped onto Shoko’s mattress, uttering out a weak “It doesn’t fit.” as she began to laugh. 

“Linen like this isn’t forgiving. You’re going to have to hope your jacket fits at least, or else you’ll be telling Yaga whether you want to or not.” You whine again, hands coming down to rest on the swell of your stomach. It had been an experience to learn you were pregnant a few months back, but to see and feel the physical proof of your child was even more surreal. You had managed to sneak past Yaga for the most part, something Satoru couldn’t even grasp. “Shoko, I give up.” She quirked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to get up. “Already?” 

“Yeah, already. I’m not going to be able to fit into my uniform and I don’t think I have the energy to try it.” The second trimester had been more forgiving than the first, but you had found yourself quickly running out of breath and stamina. It was only a matter of time until you had to take a break walking up a single flight of stairs. “I’m telling Yaga today. Fuck this.” With your white button up still only covering your breasts, you pushed out of Shoko’s bedroom and marched down the hall towards Satoru’s. 

“Satoru! Give me some clothes!” you yelled before even making it to his door, banging on it only once before he was pulling it open, visibly confused. “What in the hell happened to you?” He tried not to snicker, looking over your half-assed appearance. Luckily your uniform skirt was covering your ass but even then, it really didn’t fit you. “Give me some clothes, none of mine fit me anymore, Toru.” You pout, chest rising and falling a little faster than it usually did. 

“Alright, alright, come on in.” He pushed his glasses up his face, trying not to show any sort of amusement at the way your bump was fully out in the open. Turning, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a knit sweater and some sweatpants. “They may be too big for you, we’ll have to go shopping later for a new wardrobe that fits you.” You caught the knit as he tossed it, you could have easily gone down the hall to your own room and gotten some of Suguru’s clothing. But, for some reason, you had chosen Satoru. 

He hated to admit it but it gave him butterflies. 

“I’m going to have to tell Yaga.” you grumbled as you undid the few buttons you had managed to get shut, tossing the garment to the floor a moment later. “Oh? We’re already at that point, huh?” Satoru leaned against his dresser, watching as you pulled his knit sweater over your head, effectively masking the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. “We are, I’m not in the mood to keep sneaking around him.” You shimmied out of your too tight skirt, whining as you kicked it away. You have certainly gotten more whiny and irritable over the last few days. 

Maybe it was because you were antsy, with each passing day your child grew. Meaning that Suguru was going on with his day to day life, completely unaware. You had finally decided on your resolve not too long ago, while showering one night in your own room. He needed to know, you couldn’t live with yourself if you grew this baby and birthed them without Suguru ever knowing. “Are we going the second you’re done getting dressed?” Satoru shifted his weight from foot to foot as you stepped into the pair of sweatpants he had given you. 

“Yep.” you were curt, worn out already from an action as simple as putting on clothes. “Do we even have a game plan?” Shoko’s sudden appearance made you both jump, your head whipping around so fast it would have been comical to the two of them if they didn’t know any better. Pregnancy mood swings were no joke, Satoru learned the hard way only a few days prior when teasing you and nearly losing a finger to your curse technique. “No, but I don’t see why I need to dance around the obvious. I tell him I’m pregnant and we move on.” 

You shrug, struggling to tie the string of Satoru’s sweatpants due to your stomach. “Here , let me.” Satoru closed the distance and easily tied the string in a quick knot, laughing a bit as you huffed out a thanks. “So you’re just going to drop an atomic bomb on the poor man and move on?” Shoko questioned curiously as she flicked her lighter. “Yeah, I am. And then the two of you are coming with me to go get maternity clothes.” You sigh, hand smoothing over your now barely visible bump, smiling a bit at the fluttering kick baby gave you. “Baby agrees, so no declining.” 

Satoru saluted you “whatever you say, sergeant.” That made you laugh, tension from your clothes not fitting melting off of your shoulders as you turned to leave. “Oh wow, so we’re going right now.” Shoko fell into step beside you as you marched down the hall, leaving Satoru to scramble and get his dorm door shut before following after you. “No better time than the present, I want to get an early start with my day… you know I’ve been tiring easier nowadays.” One thing you hadn’t fully been prepared for was the amount of physical changes your body would go through. 

Sure you knew the basics like your stomach would grow, your breasts would get bigger, you would get bloated… but you hadn’t thought about how strenuous the whole thing would be. Though, it made sense when you sat down in Shoko’s bed one night with your laptop. “Oh, so baby pushes all of my organs out of the way…” To which Shoko had made a fake gagging noise. You used it as a way to antagonize Satoru the next morning, watching the man turn a shade of green as you proudly explained why you had been losing your breath. 

“I guess that’s true… it’s almost nine in the morning so I assume Yaga will be in his office.” Satoru sighed as he walked just a step behind you, pulling out his flip phone to file through a few news articles as you three walked. “Good, that means he’ll already be sitting when he gets the shock of his life.” Shoko sighed, pocketing her lighter and unlit cigarette as the three of you left the dorm buildings and began walking through the courtyard towards Yaga’s office. “I mean, I don’t really think it's that big of a deal.” You shrugged, waddling slightly as you moved. 

“You’re carrying the black sheep’s baby, of course it's a big deal.” 

You glared at Satoru as he finally had enough space to walk beside you. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s just… a lot has happened. The man already beats himself up over the whole thing and now one of his students who he has been trying to watch so diligently… has hid the fact that she’s like five months pregnant. That's even more of a mindfuck.” That made you stop walking for a second, your nonchalant attitude towards it all seemed pretty selfish now that you had heard what Satoru said. “I…shit…I didn’t think about it like that.” 

“Hey, it’s not your fault, you’ve had like three whole months to cope with this and sort things out. It's normal for you  now, sometimes it’s hard to see it from new perspectives once you’ve gotten so used to it.” Shoko had listened intently, eyes shifting between you and Satoru. “You’re awfully philosophical this morning, Satoru.” The white haired man immediately pushed his glasses further up his nose, cheeks dusting pink as he shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve just had time to think.” She dropped it, focusing her attention back on you as you seemed to inhale deeply. 

“I… I’m still telling him. I’ll be gentle with my delivery but I have to rip off the bandaid.” And with that you were walking past them again, leaving the two to follow behind you as you carried yourself with a new purpose. “Do you want us to go in with you?” Shoko asked softly as the three of you crossed the courtyard and entered the building “No… It's best for it to now be some sort of show.” You knew they’d find a way to listen in on the conversation anyways. “Alright but if we hear screaming or the thud of a grown man passing out, we’re coming in.” Satoru sounded uninterested but you knew him better than to believe his facade. 

“Yeah, got it.” 

With that, you were heading up the steps to the second floor. Yaga’s office was the last door on the left, you couldn't even collect your thoughts enough to practice what you were going to say. At this point, it was better to just let it happen naturally. Your hands smoothed over your covered bump one last time before you stood in front of his doorway “Here goes nothing, little one.” It was still comforting to you to know your baby was always with you. “Principal? Are you in there?” you knocked softly, hoping your voice carried through the thick wood of the door. 

“Y/N? Yes, I’m in here, come in.” You let out a shaky breath, pulling at Satoru’s knit to make sure your bump wasn’t visible at all. You pushed the door open, relishing in the feeling of the cold wood under your fingertips before stepping into his office. “Good morning, principal.” you spoke softly, shutting the door behind you with a soft click. Yaga was sitting at his desk, papers scattered over his desk and a couple resting in one of his hands. “Good morning, Y/N… is something wrong?” You rarely came to his office to speak with him, you knew that much would have his suspicions up within the first seconds. 

“Nothing is wrong…per say.” Your hands clasped behind your back. “But you need to tell me something, don’t you?” he questioned softly, setting the papers in hands down as you began to rock on your feet. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering around your lungs, making it almost hard to breathe as you nodded in confirmation.  “Please, come sit.” but your feet wouldn’t move, gluing you to the small space where you were rocking back and forth on your heels. “Please, sir, I’m very antsy so I think it’s best for me to say this while standing.” 

“A-alright, Y/N you’re making me a bit nervous. So please…” He swallowed, hands clasping together on his desk as he looked at you expectantly. “...If it is about Suguru…” and you nodded, eyes downcast on the two chairs before his desk. “Listen, this… I don’t even know how to spit this out so forgive me if it’s harsh.” You cleared your throat, not liking how hoarse it was already sounding. Yaga didn’t answer, instead he nodded his head even though he could tell your focus wasn’t on him. “Suguru and I… we had been dating since our first year here.” 

“Yes, I know that much…” Soft and unsure, he couldn't quite understand where you were taking this conversation. Though he could certainly guess a handful of routes, what alarmed him most was the fact that Satoru and Shoko weren’t by your side. “We… We were very serious about each other, Principal. He always spoke to me about getting married, starting a family…” you looked up at him then, teeth worrying into the side of your cheek as you tried to get the next part out. Yaga’s forehead had creased in worry “Okay… Y/N have you had contact with him since?” 

“I- no, I haven’t heard from him since the letter he left me before he left. No contact sir, that’s not what I’m trying to get at anyways…” You huffed, hands unclasping and reaching up to rub your face as you grew frustrated with yourself. “Principal I… I’ve been hiding something from you for months now and I am no longer able to hide it any longer.” That had him straightening in his chair, eyes narrowing as he waited for you to continue. You took a shaking breath, knowing there were no words that would make this any less jarring for your principal. 

“Principal Yaga I…” carefully you grabbed the hem of Satoru’s knit sweater, pulling it tight so it hugged the swell of your baby bump. “... I’m twenty weeks pregnant with Suguru’s baby.” 

You watched as the man’s narrow gaze turned considerably wide before softening. “Oh…wow.” He cleared his throat, pulling the sunglasses that had been hanging low on his face off all together. You let the knit go slowly, hiding the bump again as your principal reached up to rub his eyes. “Are you… principal are you crying?” you sounded mildly aghast at the sight. “No no I…” but he was. After a moment he set his hands down, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “I’m sorry I'm sure that’s not the best reaction to receive after telling someone you’re…” 

“Yeah it’s… well it’s not as bad as I feared.” you cut him off, laughing a bit because among all the emotions you could sense, anger was not one of them. “I’m sorry you felt the need to hide this from me for… damn nearly five months…” he mulled over the fact that you had said you were twenty weeks into this, well into your second trimester. “I just didn’t know how to go about it sir… only Shoko and Satoru are aware of my… circumstances.” Yaga nodded, muttering a soft “I figured that much.” before sighing heavily. “Suguru has no idea.” he spoke softly, watching you nod with a sad look on your face. “I found out two weeks after he…left.” 

So not only had you been dealing with the defection of your boyfriend -  whom you loved with your entire being - you had also been reeling with the news of your own pregnancy. “I… you’re so young and you’ve already gone through so much.” Yaga spoke more to himself than you, that didn’t stop you from trying to lighten the mood. “A complicated life comes with the job of being a sorcerer. You know that Principal.” You laughed, hands finding their home on top of the swell of your stomach. Seeing you smile eased some of Yaga’s concerns. 

“I suppose… I’m glad you were able to tell me. I… take it you won’t be fitting into your uniform from here on out?” he looked you over, recognizing the clothes to likely be Satoru’s. “Oh yeah, it��s not happening from here on out.” You laughed a bit “If it’s alright with you, I’ll be heading into the city with Satoru and Shoko to get some clothes that fit me… I can look for some clothes reminiscent of our uniform.” you laugh a little more, watching a smile crack on his features. “Or I could see about getting you a uniform altered to fit you as you grow. Either way you’ll need some normal clothing that fits you…” he sighed as you nodded.

“You three be careful, I know you’re all more than capable but… still.” He sighed, voice raising a little bit “If either of them get hurt, I’m blaming you, Satoru.” Behind you, the wooden door flung open. “Hey!” But, realizing he and Shoko had been caught for eavesdropping, Satoru’s cheeks flushed pink. You whirled around, bursting out in laughter as Shoko’s hand covered her own mouth in attempts of hiding her own giggles. “I stand by what I said… Now go, have fun.” He sighed, arms unfolding as he sat forward in his chair to continue mulling over paperwork. 

“Alright, thank you, Principal. I appreciate you for being so understanding.” 

He gave you a warm smile and a soft nod, watching you exit with the other two. Once Yaga’s door was shut with a soft click, once he heard your voices and feet fading down the hall, his smile dropped. “That poor girl…” he wasn’t mad that you were pregnant, nor was he mad that you had hidden it from him. He was more so sad that you had felt the need to hide it, especially regarding your circumstances with Suguru and all. 

Which opened a whole new can of worms, he couldn't quite believe that you would keep such news from Suguru… maybe that’s why he’d noticed Shoko and Satoru always by your side. 

Maybe it wasn’t just to support a dear friend going through heartbreak. Perhaps they felt it too, felt that you were going to slip through their fingers just as Suguru had. 

—

“Are you sure clothes shopping is the task you really want to complete right now?” Shoko puffed out smoke as she talked to you, navigating the busy sidewalks with ease as Satoru led the way. “It needs to be done, I can’t wear Satoru’s clothing forever.” Shoko understood that ideology and all, but you had been ready to blow your brains out this morning over a linen dress shirt not buttoning. At this rate, she was certain just about any clothing not fitting you would get you worked up like the world was ending. “She can borrow my clothes any time.” 

Satoru laughed as he looked back at you, finding it hysterical that even with the sweats tied, you had to keep pulling them up. At this point, they were nearly at your chest, relying solely on your stomach to keep them from falling down. “All due respect, Toru. I look like a fucking clown in these pants… your tops may not be safe from me but I need pants that fit.” Satoru shook his head, an amused smile as he finally found the clothing store you loved. 

“You can help yourself to my shirts and sweaters any time, Y/N. You know that.” You scrunch your nose, shaking your head a bit as you stop in front of a store he had walked right past. “I’ll try this one first.” You could hear Shoko laugh as the automatic doors open for you, Satoru’s feet slapping the pavement as he stomped back to where you were. “Don’t get pissy cause you strolled right by, Toru.” But he only grumbled, falling to the side as Shoko shoved him teasingly. 

You spent the next fifteen minutes browsing the racks, finding things in various sizes that you’d unfortunately have to try on. All the while, Satoru had found his home on a bench in the middle of the bustling store, his legs crossed as he sorted through things on his phone. “I think this one will be cute, but you’ll have to try it on in this size and this size.” Shoko handed you a knit sweater similar to the one you were already wearing, a smile on her face as she spotted something else. “We’ll have to find a proper maternity store.” 

Shoko mumbled as she filled through the racks again for the article of clothing in your size range. “Satoru, go see if they have a baby store around here.” Shoko ordered the man who didn’t move a muscle. “Yeah, no way.” You snickered as you dropped a few more items on his lap. Dutifully, he held them there with one hand while looking at his small phone screen. “I’ll just go ask one of the employees here.” you wandered off after saying that, hearing Shoko scold Satoru for making the pregnant woman go look for help. 

You moved with ease through the busy aisles, walking past the floor to length mirrors as you did so. Just beyond the windows was the busy sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, mid-day sun making it look much later than it was due to the shortening days. You weren’t sure what possessed you to be so observant as you walked the length of the store, really you should have been looking for an associate. But there, across the street, visible between the people passing by, was a person you would recognize anywhere. You felt your heart stop at the sight. 

You questioned it for only a split second, feet frozen in place as you watched two young girls come bouncing out of a cafe with drinks in hand. He smiled at them, a smile you had only been able to see in your dreams, before turning to head down the sidewalk with them in tow. It took you all of two seconds to collect yourself enough to move. Without thinking much beyond the fact that Suguru was across the street from you, you moved as fast as your feet could carry you without breaking out into an all out sprint. 

You couldn’t hear anything beyond the ringing in your ears, had you been able to you would have heard the confused calls of your name from Shoko and Satoru as they watched you run out the door. You couldn't breath as you moved down the sidewalk, eyes laser focusing on the back of Suguru’s head as he moved among the many bobbing heads. Your inability to breathe in that moment stopped you from calling out to him, though you doubt he would have been able to hear you anyways. Still, you pushed through the people flooding the sidewalk, not acknowledging a single disgruntled look as your feet carried you towards him. 

Move. Move faster. Fucking move faster!

You screamed inside of your own mind, ignoring the way your body screamed in protest from the amount of physical movement. For the first time in months, Suguru was in your reach and yet you couldn’t seem to close the distance. It was like some nightmare, no matter how fast you moved, Suguru never seemed to get any closer to you. Yet, you still saw the back of his head, he was still there, you wouldn’t give up until you couldn’t see him anymore. It was creeping up on you with each and every step, the deep rooted heartbreak from his departure. 

For some reason, it felt like you were ripping open a wound that hadn’t even begun to heal yet. Yanking each carefully placed stitch with nothing more than dull fingernails. It came undone easily, blood leaking out in time with the pounding of your heart as Suguru’s head disappeared around the corner of an intersection. A feeble cry of “No!” left your lips, just as labored as your breathing as you reached the end of the sidewalk and looked right in the direction he had turned. But, there was no sight of him anymore, gone from your view once again. 

You felt the steady build in your chest, creeping up your throat as you felt the urge to sob violently where you stood. Yet the tears wouldn’t come, catching somewhere in your throat so you truly felt like there was no air in your lungs. “What the fuck was that?” Satoru’s voice pulled you from your daze, your head turning to see a concerned Shoko and Satoru panting as they caught up to where you now stood. Yet, you couldn’t hold Satoru’s bewildered gaze for long, eyes returning to the street once more. “I…” you started, barely hearing yourself as you spoke. 

“I saw… I saw him. It was him.” you managed to spit out, lips parted as you tried to force air in your lungs. “Him? As in Suguru?” Shoko spoke for Satoru, had you been able to turn your head and meet his gaze you would have seen that he had turned as pale as a sheet of paper. You could only muster a nod, shoulders shaking with the force of your breathing as you tried to ground yourself in reality once again. So many emotions were running rampant through your head that it was turning into a dull buzz where none of them could make their way up to the surface. 

“You’re… positive it was him?” Shoko closed what little distance there was, hand resting on your bicep as if she was afraid you’d take off running again. “P-positive. I’d know him anywhere… The little girls were with him too.” You felt your baby kick, your hand flying up to rest on the swell of your stomach as you were finally grounded by their movement. “Sorry honey… I didn’t mean to scare you.” you spoke downwards, soothing your hand over the knit sweater to comfort the child within your womb. You doubted it would really comfort them, more so it was to comfort you.

You pulled your gaze away from the busy street, head turning to look at Satoru but the man was already taking off in the direction you had claimed to see Suguru go. “S-satoru?” Shoko’s head turned with yours, watching him stalk down the busy sidewalk. “He…” You started, but your voice sounded hollow as Shoko began guiding you back in the direction you had come from. “But… he…” Your head followed Satoru until Shoko had guided you away from the intersection and down the sidewalk. “Leave him be.” Shoko spoke slowly, head trained forward.

“But he… Satoru…” Shoko cut you off with a tug a little harder than the others “Satoru is a big boy, you are pregnant. You are in no condition to be booking it out of a store and into the busy road, did you even bother looking before you crossed the street?” For the first time ever, you could hear anger in Shoko’s words. Your silence was more than enough of an answer for her, a scoff leaving her lips as she pulled you over to a small area cut off from the endless streams of people making their way through the city’s center. “You cannot fucking do that, Y/N.”

But she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were anywhere but this moment in time. 

“You are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car. Do you even know that? You ran out into that street in front of cars Y/N.” Shoko’s voice wavered, to add to the many firsts that were occurring in these moments, her voice had begun to waver. As if she were scared… in truth she was. She had nearly witnessed you and your unborn baby be killed and yet you were completely oblivious. You caught sight of Suguru and you had left everything behind. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, amidst all the buzzing in your head and ringing in your ears, you were processing the gravity of the situation. Your actions had so blatantly given away your inner thoughts, thoughts you hadn’t intended on letting out. You would, without fail, everytime, follow that man if given the chance. It made your heart ache, the same deep rooted ache that you were certain would never leave you until he was in your arms again. “Satoru…” Shoko spoke softly, your head whipping in the direction Shoko was looking. 

Satoru was making his way back up the sidewalk, face pale and eyes hollow. “I lost him.” he spoke softly, somehow still audible over the roaring of the city. “You saw him?” Shoko questioned, her grip on your bicep lowering to your wrist because she really couldn’t trust you to not run away from her. “Only for a moment, he was getting into a car. The thing was driving off by the time I reached the spot where it had been parked.” Then, finally, knowing he was long gone by now, you could breathe again. The urge to run was gone, leaving you drained. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Satoru uttered softly, arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed just as disconnected as you felt, leaving Shoko to look between the two of you in concern. “I’ll call for the car.” She pulled out her phone, clicking a number she had on speed dial and waited. Your day had effectively been ruined, leaving you and Satoru in shambles all over again. “We can try this again another day… but you need clothes that fit sooner than later.” Shoko knew she was practically speaking to herself at this point, flipping her phone shut and shoving it in her pocket. 

The three of you stood quietly off to the side, waiting for the car to pull up to the curb and take you home. Your mind was still reeling of course, so many thoughts at once that it had essentially gone blank. But there, amidst the haze of your confusion, one question was burning brightly. “Why didn’t you use infinity?” Your tone was gravelly, eyes meeting Satoru’s dissociated gaze. “...what?” he questioned back as if there was no air in his lungs as he spoke. “Why didn’t you use infinity?” you say it again, a little stronger this time. 

You had no intentions for it to come out accusatory, nor did you mean it to be rude. You were just stupidly unaware at that moment, your brain so clouded that it had reduced you to nothing. “Why didn’t you use your curse technique?” he countered, knowing your own technique would not have been able to stop Suguru from getting out of your grasp. “Why didn’t you look before crossing the street? Why didn’t you run faster?” Satoru spat at you when you didn’t answer, regret dawning in the back of his mind when he saw your eyes brim with tears. 

“That is enough, Satoru.” Shoko interjected before you could even mumble out a feeble response, sniffling harshly as you rubbed your watering eyes. “You are both hurt. There is no god damn point in sitting here asking the other why they didn’t do something because it’s done and over with now.” Shoko’s head was focused on Satoru, glaring at the man harshly as he schooled his features into stoic disinterest. “Better yet, you two were so fucking shell shocked by his sudden appearance that you lost all sense of reason, so there. That’s why infinity wasn’t used.” 

But still, Shoko was staring at Satoru. It angered you a bit, sniffling a little harder as you couldn’t seem to control the watery whimpers that fell from wobbling lips. She should be mad at both of you, and instead she was primarily scolding Satoru and treating you as a frail object. But, given your hopeless and teary eyed gaze, Satoru didn’t blame Shoko for focusing her anger on him. He regretted it almost as soon as he spoke the words out loud, having read your intentions wrong. But he couldn’t swallow his pride and apologize for it just yet, still too overwhelmed. 

You were both saved from her wrath due to the car pulling up to the curb. “We’re going home, and you two are sitting in the back seat.” she tugged you along, reaching for Satoru’s wrist and tugging him too. “We’ll figure out your clothing situation another day.” She grumbled as she pulled the door open for you “for now, just wear Satoru’s clothes… or Suguru’s.” she added the last bit softly, glancing up to see Satoru shoot her a look as he rounded the car to get in on the other side. “Next time, it’ll just be the two of us going out.” 

You only nodded, sinking into the soft back seat of the school’s car and letting Shoko shut the door for you. Satoru settled in beside you, making a point to keep his distance and look out the window as the car began to drive off. You ignored it, not in the right headspace to even tackle what the man’s withdrawn behavior could really mean. You’d just assume he was upset with you until he was ready to talk, because right now all you wanted was your own bed, in your own room, and to sleep until you couldn’t remember why your heart was so heavy in the first place.

—

December 24th, 2007 [1:00pm]

twenty five weeks. 

You were twenty five weeks into your pregnancy which meant you had roughly fourteen weeks left until your baby was born. Still, Suguru had no idea. Over half way through your pregnancy and the father of your baby had no idea you were even pregnant. “It’s christmas eve, little one.” You spoke softly as you sat alone in your dorm room, one of your own sweaters sitting snugly on your body, your pregnant belly was too big to hide at this point. “I can’t believe you’re going to get bigger…” you cooed softly, rubbing your stomach as you sat at your desk. 

You haven't really been speaking to anyone, especially after your near encounter with Suguru back at the end of November. You and Satoru had made up to an extent, but you could still feel a strain on your relationship. That strain was leaking into your relationship with Shoko as well, isolating you from the feeling of comfort the two once brought you. You had ended up sleeping in your own room that night, not responding at first to either of them when they pressed you. “I just need space to think.” you had finally caved late that night when Shoko wouldn’t stop texting. 

You hadn’t returned to either of their beds since, finding comfort in your not so alone solitude. You had your baby with you - in you - you were never truly alone nowadays. For some reason, neither of them pushed you further about the sudden switch of wanting to be alone. In the following weeks of Suguru’s deflection, you couldn’t stand being in your once lively dorm room… despite not being able to drag yourself out of bed most mornings. Now, Satoru and Shoko saw you sparsely, so long as you were on campus, they supposed it was alright to leave you alone. 

It took a few days for the realization to settle in, but your reaction to seeing Suguru again had really done a number on them. “I’ll be out of their hair soon enough…” You murmured to your quiet room, pen scratching the notepad on your desk fervently as you expressed your sorrow.  A faint smile was present on your lips as you wrote down your goodbye note to Shoko, a weight slowly being lifted off of your tired shoulders with each sentence you neatly scribbled down. 

You would be leaving Jujutsu Tech tonight.

And if you could help it, you would never be coming back. 

That was your final decision roughly one week after the whole incident, the guilt of feeling like a burden had been weighing on you since. You would be going to see him tonight, for the first time in four months you would be seeing Suguru… but he would have no idea it was you. It was all planned out, like clockwork really, you had worked through every fine detail of your departure. Your bag was packed and shoved under your bed, a duffle filled with some sentimental clothing items, your personal belongings and things that meant a lot to you. 

Most of your dorm room would be staying behind, just as Suguru had. 

You were - intentionally and not at the very same time - following in his footsteps. Albeit you’d have it a little harder because you had a funny feeling Satoru, Shoko, and Yaga already suspected you were ready to jump ship… they just didn’t know when. You set your pen down for a moment, stretching each finger and flexing your hand to shake out the wariness. You would be leaving soon after the sun had set, while everyone who was still present on campus attended the annual christmas party. You would feign a migraine, something you had been doing quite frequently so it wouldn’t come off too strange when Shoko or Satoru came knocking.

Once you were certain the dorms were empty, you and your baby would be off. Only two pit stops on your way out the door, Shoko’s dorm and Satoru’s dorm, so you could leave them your letters before disappearing into the night.  The first stop after that would be the hotel room you had booked in Shinjuku, you’d place your bag there and get ready. You would be meeting with Suguru at 6pm, under an alias and disguise. You had called his assistant on a pay phone only a few days ago, begging for an appointment on christmas eve with the “mighty healer” taking pity on you, she ran it by Suguru and he agreed. 

The only reason you were doing this under a disguise was because you needed to get your emotions sorted. If you saw him for the first time again in months, face to face with nowhere to run, you were positive you would break down immediately. So, you’d ease into things as best you could. If things worked out, you would only have to live inside a hotel room for less than a week. But if things didn’t work out like you prayed they would, you and your baby would figure it out as you went. You just couldn’t bear the weight of your guilt any longer, you felt as if you were dragging everyone down. 

Carefully, your pen was picked up and you began scratching your thoughts. Satoru’s letter has been finished for three days now, sitting neatly in an envelope on your bottom drawer. You were finishing Shoko’s now, front and back of each paper so the letter itself was nearly four pages long. Satoru was shorter, a single page because if you let yourself get carried away, you were certain you would run out of paper before you could finish your thoughts. Your teeth sunk into the flesh of your lower lip, worrying it deeply as you tried to conclude her letter. 

Your pen froze on the paper as you stared at what you had written, for some reason it was hitting you now. Tears were welling in your eyes as you sniffled, trying to blink them away while trying to avoid them landing on the paper and soiling it. “C’mon now… it would be so unfair to her to litter this with my tears.” You pushed the paper away, getting up from your desk to make your way into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on your face seemed like the best solution, bending over the sink as best you could you let the water pool in your hands. 

A couple rounds later you were able to regain your composure, reaching for the towel you kept hanging on the wall and using it to dry your face. You stood in the all too bright lights of your bathroom, looking at your reflection just to find it felt foreign for a moment. Twenty five weeks into your pregnancy, your stomach had certainly popped at this point, making it hard for you to believe it would continue to get bigger. “The human body is fascinating.” you muttered softly, turning to the side so you could see how you looked with your sweater on. “You’ll be difficult to conceal, little one. Though, your daddy won’t know it’s me…” 

You were still going to put effort into trying to hide your pregnancy. That was a part of your plan you truly couldn’t explain, it just didn’t feel right waltzing in there with your pregnant belly on display while he had no idea it was you and his child. “Let’s finish Auntie Shoko’s letter, shall we?” You needed to get through it, you had no time to really delay things further. The sun would be setting in a few hours, the party would start at five, you had four hours total left for your time at Jujutsu Tech. Not a single second of it could be wasted. 

You sat down again, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth as you picked up the pen with shaky hands. You reread everything you had written thus far, all the way up to your half done sentence. You picked it up front here, finishing your thoughts and concluding the letter within twenty minutes. With a labored sigh of relief, you pulled another envelope out of your drawer and folded the letter neatly, slipping it inside and sealing it. Your hand trembled tenfold as you wrote Shoko’s name neatly on the back. “Done… it’s done.” 

December 24th, 2007 [3:30pm]

You had drawn your blinds, got a hot pack ready, set medicine and a glass of water on your nightstand. Now, you laid in near darkness, counting down the seconds until Shoko or Satoru appeared at your door. You had planted the first seed an hour prior, telling Shoko you felt a migraine coming on over text and that you’d have to lay down for a bit to see if it would pass. She had responded with an “okay” and let you know she or Satoru would be checking on you within the hour. If they stayed true to their word, it would be any time now. 

You passed the time by looking out your window, despite the blinds being drawn you could still see slivers of the darkening sky. “Winter is such a melancholic season, little one.” not even evening yet and the sky was changing from blue to orange and finally fading into indigo. “I’m glad you won’t be born in the dead of winter… rather somewhere in early spring.” It was odd to think that the year was nearly through, that Christmas was looming just hours away. This was arguably the least festive Christmas you had ever experienced. 

“Ya know, this isn’t how I thought my first pregnancy would go.” You whisper to your empty room, knowing it didn’t matter how quietly you talked, your baby would hear you. At least, that’s what you liked to think, that one thought always brought you comfort. “I swear mommy is going to fix this, my little love. You will be so cherished and so loved by me and your daddy.” You exhaled slowly, not expecting your own rambling to tug at your chest the way it did. “Soon, soon my little love, soon it will be okay.” You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you struggled to roll onto your side, placing the hotpack on your head once more. 

It took all of five minutes for footsteps to approach your door, a gentle rasp of fingers hitting the wood and a soft call of your name. “Come in.” You didn’t have to try and sound weak, the frog in your throat aiding you. “Well, this is a depressing Christmas eve… how are you?” You struggled to roll over yet again, squinting as the hall light flooded your room, silhouetting Satoru’s lanky figure. “Not good, I don’t think I’ll be able to go, Satoru.” You could see him shifting from foot to foot. “Do you… want me to stay with you?” and for a moment you had to school your expression from the sheer panic that nearly pulled your features. 

“N-no, god that would be useless. Go enjoy your christmas eve, I have my pain meds and I’ve got some pregnancy safe sleeping meds. I’ll be out like a light within the next hour. Have fun, Satoru.” You urged him, praying he wouldn’t be stubborn. Reluctantly, you heard him sigh. “Are you positive?” You weren’t sure why him giving up so easily made your heart ache. For the sake of your plan, you couldn’t let him stay. But, for some reason, it made your chest heavy that he didn’t put up more of a fight. So different… Why are things so different? “Positive.” You gave him a weak smile, still squinting because of the hall light.

“Alright… well… merry christmas, Y/N. I’ll give everyone your well wishes.” 

“Thank you, Satoru… Merry christmas.” 

You watched him leave, a gentle click of your door shutting flowed by his feet padding down the hallway again. It wasn’t until silence was the only thing ringing in your ears that the choked sobs you had tried to hold off all day came forward. You couldn’t catch your breath with the force of them, clutching your chest as you curled in on your side. Deep, guttural sobs shook your frame until they turned completely silent. In the dark of your room, you gasped for air that would not enter your lungs. Your cries so wheezy and silent that you were certain you would pass out if you could not get a grip and catch your breath. 

It hurts… god it fucking hurts… What went wrong? Where did I go so horribly wrong? Your own thoughts seem to bounce off the cavern of your skull, echoing in your ears as hot tears ruined your pillowcase. You forced yourself into a sitting position despite your body screaming in protest, your baby’s fluttering kicks urging you to relax before you sent them into distress along with you. “I'm sorry…I’m sorry.” You could barely speak, stumbling out of your bed and towards your bathroom, blindly searching for the knob as your vision was clouded with tears. 

All you could think about was cold water, splashing cold water on your face would ground you for a moment. Though, cold water certainly could not cure a breaking heart. Your slowly swelling eyes remained shut as you flicked on the LED lights of your bathroom, blindly walking to your sink and turning the cold water on. It contrasted starkly with the hot tears that had been streaming down your cheeks, filling your nose and making it run. You hated it, every second of it, so utterly hopeless and confused. You never wanted to leave on a bad note, but it didn't seem like something that could be helped. Not now at least… 

You bent down, eyes opening a fraction to see the crystal clear water pool in your cupped hands before overflowing. After a moment, you splashed it up on your face, gasping as it seemed to shock your system out of its haze. You did it again, and again, and again, until the tears stopped and you could breathe without needing to think about it. “There we go… I’m so sorry, little one. Mommy didn’t mean to frighten you like that…” Slowly, your baby’s hyperactivity slowed, relaxing with your calming heart. “I’m still learning… I promise I’ll get the hang of it.” 

“You are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car.”

Shoko’s words still hung heavy on you from that day. Ever since, you have become all too aware of your baby. Especially since you had begun spending so much time alone, every waking thought was about them and their well being. Even at doctor’s appointments you were certain Shoko only accompanied you so you wouldn’t use it as a chance to run off. “I think it’s almost time for us to go, little one.” You had told your doctor that you didn’t want to know the gender, as much as it killed you to wait. You wanted Suguru present when it was revealed. 

With a heavy sigh you  grabbed a towel, drying your face and tossing it in the hamper to never be washed. Your mind was still filled with ten million and one thoughts, but you needed to try and stay level headed if you wanted to get off of campus without being spotted. You gave your bathroom one last glance over, three years this room had been your home. After tonight, you would likely never see it again. With a small amount of hesitation, you flicked off the lights and shut the door. Now you were faced with every step that needed to be taken to pull this all off. 

The first step was to lock your door, you couldn’t bring yourself to breathe until you did so. Crossing the short distance, you held the knob title and turned the lock until it clicked. That pulled a fraction of the stress off of your shoulders, allowing you to move a little more freely about your bedroom as you got yourself ready. You weren’t particularly in a rush, though the racing of your heart certainly made you feel like you should be. It took you about twenty minutes to sort through the contents of your bag before throwing a few more things inside of it. 

By now the sun had set, 4:00pm was staring at you in big red letters on your nightstand. 

I’ve got time. You spoke to yourself, shuffling over to your desk to pull the bottom drawer open. You had been strategic, burning and disposing of any information you had kept hidden in there. Not that there was truly anything worthwhile, you just felt a bit paranoid leaving it behind. Now, all that was left were the two letters you’d be placing in their dorm rooms. This was how you’d make sure they had actually left for the party. You had plenty of excuses made up in the event they were still inside their respective dorm rooms. “Alright little one, let’s go.” 

You carefully placed the letters inside of your coat, shielding them from unwanted eyes in the event things turned for the worse. You tried to move with no real direction, if you seemed intent on getting somewhere, it would easily give you away. At least that’s what you figured while unlocking your door and heading out into the quiet hallway. Squinting, playing the part of someone who had a raging migraine, you shuffled down the hall towards Shoko’s bedroom. Your sock covered feet seemed to echo with each soft tap, your body carrying you down the halls you had considered your one and only home for nearly three years. 

“Shoko?” you knocked on her door, speaking loud enough that if anyone was in there, they’d hear you. After a moment of no answer, you grabbed the knob and pushed it open. Shoko’s room was dark, all lights off save for the festive holiday lights she had strung up around the perimeter of her dorm room. It’s really been that long… I had no idea she even did this… the weight of that realization made it hard to breathe again, chest tight as you made your way forward while tugging the envelope with her name on it out of your coat. Her room once felt so safe to you, so homey and secure… Now it felt as if you were walking into a stranger’s dorm. 

It was astonishing how quickly relationships could change over one “small” event in time. 

Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you dropped the note on her desk. You didn’t want to waste another second, turning on your heels and shutting the door as if you had never been in there to begin with. Next was Satoru, his room just a little ways down the hall. Your feet seemed to move slower than before, one hand resting on the swell of your stomach as you waddled to the door you had opened and shut so many times over the years you’d never be able to keep count. You could feel it again, the frog forming in your throat as you held your hand up. 

But you stopped mid-way to the door, you never knocked before entering Satoru’s dorm room. That would immediately raise suspicions if he still happened to be inside. So, one last time, for old time sake, you pushed into his unlocked dorm room and heaved a heavy sigh as you were greeted with nothing in return. Satoru had left his desk lamp on, leaving the room in a golden glow despite nobody being inside. You couldn’t understand why you felt disappointed about the fact that he wasn’t there. Just as you couldn’t describe the heaviness in your chest when he didn’t put up a fight only a little while ago. Such stupid emotions… stupid stupid stupid. 

You shut his door behind you as you entered his dorm for what would be the very last time. It seemed to suck the air from your lungs as you stepped further into the room you had once been so familiar with. Only a few weeks had passed and yet you felt as if an eternity had expanded across the short period of time. It almost felt foreign as you stepped towards the bed you had spent so many nights in, eyes roaming over his disheveled covers from his hazardous bed making skills. You pulled the letter out of your coat, laughing a bit as you realized your stupid mistake, not that it mattered now. You’d be out the door in less than ten minutes. 

You left the envelope neatly on his pillow, holding back tears as you turned away and walked out of the room all together. There was no point in reminiscing, no point in wishing for things to return to how they once were, you needed to do what you deemed best for yourself and your child. That meant being with your baby’s father, that meant doing what you could to rebuild the things Suguru had destroyed. For some reason, that seemed easier than staying at Jujutsu Tech. You pulled Satoru’s door shut, adrenaline flooded your veins as you processed the fact that all you had left to do now was grab your few things and leave. 

You moved down the hall quickly, feet carrying you faster than they had in a long while. Every step you took, out in the open, felt like you were begging for someone to accidentally stumble upon you. You could heave a sigh of relief as your dorm door was in sight once again. You pushed into your dorm room again, throat feeling dry as you grabbed the duffle bag off of your bed and slung it over your shoulder. You looked around one last time, pregnancy hormones making you suddenly sentimental over everything you’d be leaving behind. They are nothing more than inanimate belongings, get a hold on reality. You scolded yourself as your eyes welled with tears, you’d have plenty of time in the future to gain new sentiment over such trivial things. 

Right now, you need to get out. He was waiting for you, unknowingly Suguru was waiting for you. You’d be damned if you gave up the opportunity now. With a heavy heart, you crossed the distance one last time and turned off the lights of your dorm before stepping into the hall. With a click that felt almost deafening, it was time for you to make your way out of the dorm building without gaining any unwanted attention. You placed everything on your fellow classmates being at that damned christmas party, you just prayed it was a safe bet to make. You moved equally as fast as you had moments prior, feet carrying you and your child down the wooden halls you could no longer call your home. Each step seemed to creak loudly as it bounced off empty walls. 

Your feet hit the landing of the first floor and you felt like they’d give out beneath you, Everything was too silent, though you supposed that should be a good thing for your sake. It made you feel uneasy regardless, every fiber of your being seemed to come alive with each step you took. The air in your lungs seemed to be frozen as your hands met the cool metal of the back door, one push and your fate would be sealed. For the first time that day, you didn’t second guess a single action you made, pushing it open to be greeted with a gush of cold air. 

Freedom.

Had you not been so heavily pregnant, you would have taken off in an all out sprint. You didn’t realize how badly you ached to do so until the ability was taken from you. Instead, you moved as fast as your feet would allow you to, hand resting on your stomach to try and minimize the amount of bouncing the action was causing you. You would be off campus within seconds, out into the real world and on the subway before you could process it. It seemed as if the universe put wind on your sail again, the only thing thundering in your ears was the sound of your own racing heart. It was within your reach, so close you could taste it, the happiness you so desperately longed to feel again, it was coming back. 

“Y/N?” 

You stopped short, the air leaving your lungs just as it had left your metaphorical sail. You turned slowly, bracing yourself for who you’d see calling your name. Much to your surprise, it was the last person you had expected to see. “...Nanami?” The blonde was looking you over with creased brows, nodding a bit as you stated the obvious. “Yeah, it’s me uh…wow.” he commented softly, taking a timid step towards you. “I came for the party though I didn’t really want to… I see you’ve got a lot going on.” He cleared his throat, it dawned on you in that moment that he had no idea you were pregnant until this very second. “I-yeah. You could put it like that.” 

“It’s Suguru’s, isn’t it?” he questioned softly, finally dragging his eyes from the swell of your stomach and up to your face. “It is, he just doesn’t know it yet.” Yet. Nanami wasn’t stupid, seeing the duffle bag slung over your shoulder he knew you were leaving. “I take it that’s where you’re heading now?” his voice was achingly quiet, though he had never been one to talk loudly. “It… yeah it is. I…umm… Nanami, they don’t know I’m leaving.” You started, your throat feeling dry as you tried to figure out how to proceed. “You’re not coming back.” he stated it more than questioned. Carefully, you nodded. “I’m not coming back.” you repeated with a sad smile. 

“I understand. Trust me, if anyone is to understand where you’re coming from with that logic, it’s me.” You felt the tension melting from your shoulders “Nanami, promise me you won’t say a word… I left them letters I just… I can’t have them stopping me now. Not when my mind is made up.” The blonde nodded slowly, eyes roaming over your body and back to your baby bump. “You have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. If leaving this all behind, if going to Suguru is what you deem best, then nobody has the right to disagree with you.” He stated it matter-of-factly to you, arms crossing as a gentle smile crossed his face. 

“Take care of yourself, and your baby, Y/N. Tell Suguru I said hello, and I promise your secret is safe with me.” As quickly as it started, it seemed to stop. Nanami had always been a man of purpose. “I will… thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Nanami.” The blonde nodded, still smiling a bit as he turned away from you. “This never happened, I’m sure you’re on a tight schedule.” But his tone was lighter for once, making you smile a bit as you uttered out a soft “yeah… see you later, Nanami.” You took off again, feet carrying you down the dirt paths with ease. Unknowingly to you, Nanami was watching you go, not moving from his spot until you had disappeared from his sight. He sighed deeply before finally moving the other way. 

 “I hope you find your peace, Y/N.” 

December 24th, 2007 [4:45pm] 

You held onto the iron pole of the subway cart as it barreled down the tracks. Standing where you were now, surrounded by people heading home to spend the holidays with their families, fluorescent lights nearly blinding, you felt unreal. As if this was all a figment of your imagination and you’d wake up in your bed, in your dorm room, hopelessly alone again. It hadn’t been until you arrived at the station that you realized just how suffocated you had felt at Jujutsu Tech. Satoru and Shoko had been so strict in hopes of keeping you from flying the nest, instead it had the polar opposite effect. I guess I should thank them. 

You didn’t hold any malice towards the two, but it did sting when you thought of how quickly they changed. You could, arguably, understand where they were coming from. By no means were claiming innocence to anything that had gone down between the three of you. It was crazy to you how less than forty five minutes of freedom was already giving you a level head and better perspective. Though you doubted you’d be able to cling onto sanity for much longer, with each minute that ticked by you were closer to seeing Suguru. That alone made your heart swell. 

Based on the lights above your head, you’d be at Shinjuku Station in less than three minutes. From there it would be taking a taxi to the hotel you had booked a room at. Then, so long as check-in went smoothly, you’d be in your room and getting ready before 5:30. You knew Suguru’s religious group was a fifteen minute walk from your hotel, but a taxi would get you there in five. Either way, you’d get there by 6pm, you didn’t care how. Your heart was thumping erratically, you knew you’d need to disconnect your phone once you got off the train. 

You prayed with each passing second that you wouldn’t feel it buzz, that nobody would ring your line because truthfully you didn’t think you’d be able to handle knowing they knew. You’d rather be selfishly, blissfully unaware of when their worlds came crashing down for a second time. You would need to destroy your phone once you arrived at the station, you could worry about buying a new one after the holidays had passed. Truthfully, there was no reason for you to remain in contact with anyone anymore, what was done was done and that was simply it. It did make your heart ache though, but you were a big girl, you made the bed and you now had to sleep in it. 

The subway cart came to a halt, sending you forward a bit as your clammy hand gripped the pole a little harder. An automated voice came over the speaker to announce that you had arrived at Shinjuku station. With that, the doors were sliding open, crowds of people moving to exit the train just as people flooded to enter it. Luckily for you, people could see your state, knowing you were pregnant, many moved out of the way just a bit to accommodate you as you walked by. You had ended up standing the whole train ride despite many offering you their seats. You had assured them you were fine, antsy even and it would help your nerves to stand. 

Your feet felt as heavy as led as you carried yourself through the brightly lit station towards the escalators that would carry you back up to street level. With your phone clutched tightly in your hand, you activated your curse technique. You could feel it now, the metal and glass that made up your flip phone crushed until it resembled nothing more than a flattened soda can. Completely unusable, utterly destroyed. You dropped it in a passing trash can, body feeling significantly lighter now that there was no way for them to directly contact you. Your feet hit the moving platform a second later, carrying you upwards, a step closer to your goal. 

December 24th, 2007 [5:45pm] 

You were early, you couldn’t help it. You had taken as little time as possible once you arrived at your hotel room, throwing together an imperfect disguise. You had managed to successfully hide your pregnancy, a disposable face mask was hiding the lower half of your face. Suguru would recognize your eyes, you knew that, so even though the sun had long ago set, you slotted a pair of sunglasses over your face. Your hair was neatly tucked under a beanie, the hood on your sweatshirt being dragged overtop. You had to wonder if this appearance would raise any suspicions with him, but you had to assume he was used to people being ashamed of wanting to be “healed”. Either way, you prayed he wouldn’t question it. 

Your weight shifted from foot to foot, eyes peering up at the looming and honestly overwhelming building that made up the temple. You had a handful of steps you would need to climb to reach the entrance, which had been part of your desire to get here as soon as you could manage. Climbing up stairs had become your mortal enemy at this point, one flight in and you were wheezing for air. “Bear with me, little one.” You let your hand smooth over your stomach one last time before starting your torturous climb. Each step was shaky, your breath warm on your face as the mask shielded you from the cool air. Still, labored breathing was enough to have faint puffs of your breath turning visible in the air. 

The added layers weren’t helping your cause, either. But you would manage, all because Suguru was just beyond the walls of the temple that loomed before you. For months you had to live with the fact that he was alive and well within miles of you. Just out of your reach, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of the life you had so carefully tried to build. You had been angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. You had gone through every stage of grief and then some. But right now, as you ascended these steps, it suddenly didn’t seem to matter anymore. How foolish you could become when blinded by such devoted love. “Are you here to meet with Master Geto?”

You glanced up at the sound of a woman’s voice, recognizing it from when you spoke on the phone a dew days prior. “I-I am.” you huffed out, finally reaching the top of the platform in which the temple rested upon. “You’re quite early, Mast Geto will appreciate this.” She smiled warmly at you but you could tell by the ugly crinkle in her smile lines that it was forced. “I’m glad.” You managed to squeeze out, trying to calm your racing heart as your baby’s kicks fluttered around your stomach. Always so active. You mused to yourself as the woman turned away from you. “He’ll likely be waiting already, he just finished with a client. You’re the last for the year. Quite the honor if I say so myself. You’re very lucky.” Very lucky, huh?

You didn’t have to bother hiding your amused smirk, the face mask providing you all the security you needed as she guided you towards the temple’s entrance. “I hope you don’t mind my appearance.” You started, testing the waters to see how poorly she thought of you based on one glance. “It’s alright, Master Geto understands some of the people that come to him are doing so against their family’s wishes. Anonymity is welcomed in his eyes.” You felt your brow twitch, humming out a “oh good” as the temple doors seemed to open on their own. “Before you meet with him privately, I do have a small handful of rules.” Rules? She took your silence as a go-ahead, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as her hips swayed with each step. 

“Master Geto asks you to wash your hands before meeting with him. He also requests that you do not touch him unless he reaches out to touch you. Granted the most the man will touch is your hands or shoulders. He will never venture any further.” You assumed that had to do with his newfound hatred for non-sorcerers, anything of the sort was likely considered filth to him. So how peculiar was it that he would go out of his way to heal them. If you could pick his brains apart, you would. You prayed wholeheartedly that you’d be given the chance. All those countless nights, sitting beside Satoru, trying to wrap your head around Suguru and his choices. 

He owed you the deepest, most thought out and intricate explanation he could manage. You still couldn’t fathom why this was the answer to his jumbled thoughts. “You may use this sink to cleanse yourself.” You blinked, head turning to the stainless steel sink fitted right to the wall outside the doors that would lead to Suguru’s quarters. It was brand new, clearly installed within the temple’s construction only a few months prior. You exhaled slowly as you pushed up your sleeves, this was by no means the Suguru you remembered. But you couldn’t let your doubt drag you down yet, you still hadn’t seen him, spoken with him. 

You set the water to cold, scrubbing your hands thoroughly with the soap provided. You swore you could still feel the clammy, dirty metal of the subway pole on your hands despite washing them when you got to the hotel. It only made you scrub harder, anxiety creeping into your neck as the crushing reality began to settle in. Within minutes… no within seconds really, you’d be seeing Suguru again for the first time in nearly five months. “You may use the towels to your right to dry your hands once you are done.” The woman chimed softly behind you, looking down at her clipboard so she could cross off your name – an alias you had given – the last on his list. 

You felt a moment of hesitation as you reached up to turn off the water. As if the anticipation for this moment would feel more overwhelming than seeing him in person again. You found yourself fearing the disappointment that may come with this meeting. It took you a moment, but you pushed forward, grabbing the knob and turning the cold water off. “Alright, Miss.” You grabbed a towel, drying your hands thoroughly before dropping it in the bin beside the sink. “Alright.” You repeated, turning to face her, sight dimmed from the darkened corridor and the shading of your glasses. “If you’ll allow me to check in, Master Geto should be ready for you.” 

Your heart had begun to hammer in your throat, over the roaring in your ears you uttered out a weak “Okay.” As she strolled past you and pushed through the large door, just enough to peak her head and upper half of her body in. A little muffled, but you heard her speak “Master Geto, your last client is here. Are you ready for her?”If he responded, you couldn’t hear it, your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears as she turned to smile at you. 

“Master Geto is ready to see you, please, head in.” 

Here went everything, everything you had thrown away had led to this very moment. You nodded, taking one step forward, then another, until somehow your legs managed to hold out on you and carry you into the large prayer room. The door shut behind you, nearly making your feet falter as you took in the expanse of the room. It was absurdly large, mats rolled up and leaning against the wall, you assumed it was for his worshipers. The room itself was lit primarily by candle light, yet it was still bright enough to make out everything before you. 

A small flight of stairs led to a raised podium, an arm rest screwed into the ground to support Suguru as he lounged. “Welcome.” Your eyes landed on him, his fist pressed into the side of his cheek as he smiled at you. Behind him was a large altar, barren likely due to the temple being closed until the new year after tonight. “Please, dear, come up and sit before me.” His voice, smooth and melodic, just as it had always been. But this time around it carried a level of authority and hospitality that was foreign to you. 

You swore stars were starting to spot your vision, so utterly overwhelmed by his presence that you had to force air into your lungs as you climbed more godforsaken steps. “Thank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.” You choked out, doing a horrible job of hiding your genuine emotions. “Of course, I couldn’t say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.” He spoke softly, eyes roaming over your appearance. “So, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.” 

You knelt before him, praying it didn’t look awkward as your stomach nearly made it impossible to get into such a position inconspicuously. “I just… I’m not even sure what is ailing me.” You started softly, hand reaching up to adjust your absurd disguise. “I’m desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be you…” For a moment you nearly uttered Suguru, your throat felt dry as you quietly finished “...Master Geto.” You stared at him through the lenses of your sunglasses, wondering how Satoru dealt with wearing the cursed things all the damn time. 

As Suguru’s eyes roamed over you, studying you intently, you felt reality weighing on you once more. Suguru was right there, in front of you, less than two feet. It felt utterly surreal, maybe that's why you felt so disconnected from the moment. Two weeks of pure, agonizing grief over his departure only to be cut off by the realization that you were pregnant with his baby. Sure that didn’t fix your broken heart, at first it had even managed to make it worse. But it kept you busy, and has continued to keep you busy over the course of September, October, November, and now at the end of December. Yet it hadn’t been enough to bring you to your senses. 

“You seem troubled, and I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time.” he uttered softly, straightening from his lounging position as he let his arm rest to support him instead of having his fist pressed to his cheek. Everything thus far had brought you right to this moment, right back into his arms… almost. You blinked, swallowing nothing at all and nearly choking. For a split second it felt like Suguru was talking directly to you, your Suguru. Not the Geto Suguru who was the new head of the old star vessel religious group. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, hands folded neatly on your lap despite having to strain to reach it. 

“I appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?” For a foolish moment, you wondered if maybe there was some invisible curse clinging to your back and weighing you down. “I will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.” You inhaled slowly, nodding as you spoke “Thank you, but may I ask how?” it had slipped past your lips before you could stop it, a genuine question you prayed wouldn't come across as offensive. After all, it’s how you lost Satoru’s trust. “Of course you may, it’s human nature to be curious, my dear.” He started softly, a grin on his face as he moved to sit up fully, no arm rest to keep him balanced. 

“I could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.” You nodded, eyes still soaking in every inch that made up the man before you. As much as the sunglasses were annoying you, you appreciate them for allowing you to so shamelessly admire your lover. “You’re tired, aren’t you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.” He questioned you softly, watching you nod as he found a small starting point for your ailments. “Did something happen to you recently?” 

For a moment you swore you felt your heart stop beating in your chest. That question was far too loaded for you to answer, so you cleared your throat a bit, muttering a soft “yes” but not willing to go further. Suguru seemed to understand that, nodding softly. “You, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.” you watched his hands, noticing every little detail as they reached for you. “Are you alright with me taking your hands?” So soft you nearly missed it over the thundering of your heart.

 “Y-you may.” Shakily, you stuck your own hands out, feeling a bit awkward at the clamminess of them. For the first time in months, Suguru’s skin was on yours again. It brought a wave of relief you thought you would never feel again. The warmth of his hands in your own, worn and calloused but somehow perfectly soft and cared for. They encompassed yours, his grip strong but not strong enough to hurt, mindful of you. Tears welled in your eyes, throat constricting in a way that you knew meant tears were going to flow freely before you could stop them. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you, Y/N.” 

—

“Master Geto, there is a potential client on the line and she is very adamant about meeting with you on the 24th of December.” Suguru stopped reading over his paperwork, eyes glancing up at the secretary he had hired only a few weeks back. “That so?” he mused softly, tapping his pen against the polished oak of his desk. “I really didn’t want to take many people that day, considering Mimiko and Nanako…” he started with a hum, pondering it for a moment longer. “Did she say her name, her intentions, anything of interest?” He was far too tempted to flat out say no. 

“She seemed very nervous, she’s said she's not been feeling very good recently and you’ve become her last resort. She can’t keep going on like this.” The secretary repeated your urgent, mildly-overdramatic words. “Sounds dire.” Suguru spoke softly, still mulling over his thoughts. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to utter the words "tell her no.” Instead, after a brief pause “Let her know I’ll be able to meet with her on the 24th of December, 6pm.” The secretary nodded, moving to leave once more but stopping short as Suguru called her name. “She will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.” 

She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. “What a kind heart you have, papa Geto.” Suguru hadn’t even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimiko’s comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. “It’s important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.” He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page. 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“You guess I’m right?” 

Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. “Yeah, I mean you really don’t need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you don’t have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.” The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguru’s expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things. 

He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didn’t have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didn’t consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points. 

Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didn’t regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didn’t take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his. 

But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you weren’t a part of his life right now. 

“But he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.”

—

He had been right, of course. He just hadn’t expected it to come so soon, as if whatever forces in the universe heard his consistent, unwavering, silent prayer. The moment those doors opened, he knew it was you. From the moment you stepped foot in the prayer room, he could feel you. His soul would never not recognize you, no matter how hard you tried to disguise yourself. He had felt it then, that shaky, stuttering breath as you walked so cautiously into the room. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get up and go to you. Based on your appearance, it was clear that you didn’t want to be recognized by him. 

“Welcome.” He started,  praying you wouldn’t hear the tremor in his voice as his heart pounded erratically in his chest. “Please, dear, come up and sit before me.” Carefully, he trained his emotions into neutral ease, watching you shakily make your way towards him. It was you, fuck it was really you. For a moment Suguru was certain he would pass out from the intensity of your presence. How often had he dreamt of you, how often had he silently wondered what you were doing. How often had Nanako and Mimiko listened to him blabber about you with such fondness? Probably too many times to count, bless them. 

Suguru watched you climb up the steps, your voice sending his heart into a death spiral. “Thank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.” There it was. The voice he had longed to hear for months now; your voice had always been so utterly hypnotic to him. “Of course, I couldn’t say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.” He had to wonder if he was being transparent, it was impossible to hide the sparkle in his eyes as his whole world sat down before him. “So, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.” His brow twitched as he looked you over, worry flooding his veins that you had been over exerting yourself in his absence. 

He noticed you had struggled for a moment, leaving him to ponder further. Were you hurt? Had you gone on a mission recently and injured yourself? “I just… I’m not even sure what is ailing me.” Suguru’s heart ached at the sadness in your tone, you sounded so detached as you continued. “I’m desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be you…” he noticed you hesitate for a moment, as if nearly choking on the wrong words before uttering out “Master Geto.” His family name sounded foreign coming from your mouth, a mouth he couldn't even see under the disposable face mask you adorned. There you were, kneeling before him after months of waiting, and he couldn’t even see your beautiful face. 

Suguru looked you over, eyes soaking in every inch of you despite how covered you were. “You seem troubled, and I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time.” the words nearly got caught in his throat, coming out so soft that it nearly wasn’t audible. It was almost too genuine, for a brief moment he had forgotten, speaking to you as if nothing had changed at all. He had to wonder if you heard it. All thoughts died before they were even fully formed, the prolonged silence between you being shattered as you spoke “I appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?” You sounded… defeated. 

“I will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.”

But, he could tell you didn’t seem overly satisfied with that answer. “Thank you, but may I ask how?” he couldn’t help the way his lips quirked at your question. “Of course you may, it’s human nature to be curious, my dear.” his smirk turned into something softer, a genuine smile. You hadn’t changed a bit, your blunt curiosity still shining through. “I could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.” He watched you nod, aching to know what was going on inside of your head. 

“You’re tired, aren’t you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.” He watched you, brown eyes analyzing your every movement, his heart aching as you nodded. “Did something happen to you recently?” it slipped out, he didn’t want to seem like he was prying even though he was very well aware that the “something” that happened was none other than him. Still, nothing could have prepared him for the ache in his chest as you uttered out a soft, broken “yes.” The urge to soothe you had nearly caused him to lean forward; the need to pull you into a tight, crushing hug to try and soothe your sorrows was becoming too much. 

You deserve none of the emotional turmoil he put you through. 

“You, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.” he breathed out, not knowing how else to soothe you if he couldn't touch you in the ways he desired. So, he dared to ask “Are you alright with me taking your hands?” Suguru couldn’t breathe after asking it, the idea of touching you again after months of being apart was almost too much for him to handle.  “Y-you may.” There, for a brief moment, was the Y/N he fell in love with a few years back, so outgoing but so shy the moment he tried to initiate anything. It made his heart clench, the feeling of nostalgia washing over him in waves as he reached forward. 

Your hands were trembling as he took them in his own. For a moment, Suguru’s shoulders sagged. Your warm skin pressed to his was something he had missed so dearly. No words could describe the relief he felt, your hands wrapping so gingerly around him as his grip tightened. He was afraid you would pull away, being mindful to not squeeze you too tight. Suguru couldn’t quite believe it, every word he had practiced, every speech he had thought of for when this moment arrived. None of it mattered. Not a single word was able to claw its way out of the depths of his mind. Too overwhelmed by the fact that you were before him. 

Before he could stop himself, before the moment became awkward from the long stretch of silence. Suguru uttered the only words that came to mind. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you, Y/N.” 

— 

You blinked, not that he could see it from behind the shades of your sunglasses. Still, you were stunned into silence. Your brain was struggling to catch up, processing the words Suguru had spoken two, three, four times before finally registering. “Wha–” was all you could manage, the syllables dragging out as Suguru chuckled softly. “I didn’t mean to unveil your secret before you were ready, Y/N. But no disguise you could wear would be able to conceal you from me. I’d know it was you every single time.” he swallowed, eyes shifting down to your clasped hands as if he was getting shy. “I’ve missed you so terribly… and I know I don’t have any right to say that because this is all my fault but... I’ve missed you.”

Still, you were speechless. 

“Y/N… my sweet girl… Please say something.” Suguru wasn’t going to move until you responded to him, too afraid of overstepping your boundaries. Your mouth opened and closed again, swallowing the lump in your throat as you uttered out a soft “hi.” You couldn’t think of anything else, every thought in your mind was too jumbled to truly form a proper sentence. “Hi.” he repeated back to you, the same level of adoration in his tone that you’ve always known him to have towards you. “Can I take these off?” He was already letting go of one of your hands to reach for your sunglasses as you nodded. Your heart was erratic as his fingers ghosted your temple. 

You felt it then, the tremor in his hands as he gently took the sun glasses off of you. For the first time in four months you were seeing Suguru without any barriers. “There you are.” He smiled, letting go of your other hand so he could gingerly pull the face mask off of you. You couldn’t contain it then, a smile making your lips twitch as your face was fully exposed again. “My beautiful girl.” Suguru breathed out, eyes memorizing every feature like they weren’t already burned into his memory. “My handsome boy.” your words nearly got caught in your throat, eyes watering as Suguru carefully took off your hood and revealed your hair. His smile matched yours, his lips quivering as he struggled to say anything in response. 

So much to say, but you were both in silent awe of each other. 

It dawned on you a second later that Suguru still had no idea you were carrying his baby. 

“Suguru I…” you choked a bit, reaching to hold his hand again just as he reached for yours. “I’ve missed you too, terribly.” He watched you, brows creasing a bit as his face grew solemn. “It was never my intention to hurt you like this, Y/N.” For some reason, you couldn’t muster any of the anger you figured you would feel when seeing Suguru again. “I know it wasn’t” So soft it was barely audible but Suguru clung on to every word. “But it still happened, I still hurt you. I…” he swallowed, holding your hand a little tighter. “My only regret is not taking you with me the night I left. But I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t force you to run away with me after what I did. I don’t regret a single action I’ve made besides that.” 

“I would have left with you, I hope you know that. Wherever you are is where I want to be.” And for a moment you swore you saw tears welling in Suguru’s eyes. “No amount of apologizing will make up for the hell I caused you.” he looked down at your clasped hands before meeting your eyes once more “But I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if you’ll let me.” For a moment your heart ached so deeply it nearly scared you, your baby’s fluttering kicks reminded you of the hurtle you still needed to clear. “You don’t have to do that, Suguru. Keeping me by your side is all I could ever ask for… provide for me and…” You stopped, eyes closing for a moment as you breathed out a laugh. “Suguru.” He straightened at your tone change.

“Yes?” You could hear the concern lacing his words, as if you were suddenly going to say “forget it” and get up and go. Instead you steadied yourself “There is something very important you need to be aware of. It’s something I realized only two weeks after you left me and…” you didn’t like how bitter the words left me felt coming off your tongue. You had no reason to harbor any concern over the standing of your relationship, it was evident that neither of you considered yourself broken up from the other. “Go on, I’m listening.” He encouraged you, faced settling  into a look of concern because he wasn’t sure where you were taking this. “Suguru, I wish I could have told you sooner.” You let go of his hands, smiling he held them a little tighter. 

“I’m just standing up, Sugu.” You reassured him, heart fluttering as he gave you a sheepish smile. Suguru lets you go, watching you struggle to stand for only a second before leaping in to help you up. “Did you get hurt trying to come here?” he questioned, something so concerned and innocent that it almost made you laugh. He truly had no idea, you had to pat yourself on the back you supposed. Your disguise had worked out well enough in that sense. “No, no nothing like that, Sugu.” You smiled as you straightened, watching him take a tentative step backwards. “I really wish I could have told you sooner, but it’s better late than never.” Your fingers shook as you reached for the zipper of your oversized hoodie, dragging the cool metal down and shouldering the material off as your pregnant belly was revealed to Suguru’s eyes. 

You watched his face morph from concern to shock. “I’m almost twenty five weeks along, Sugu.” You let the hoodie fall to the floor, leaving you in a long sleeve shirt that was clinging to the swell of your stomach. “You may have left, but you didn’t really leave me alone.” You pulled your eyes away from his face to look down at your bump, hands lovingly caressing it. “I don’t know their gender, I didn’t want to find out unless you were with me.” You didn’t mind his silence, you knew it was likely a very overwhelming piece of information to learn. Suguru didn’t have the ability to speak anymore, instead he opted to close the distance between the two of you. With hesitant curiosity, Suguru’s large warm hands came down to cup your stomach. 

“You’re pregnant.” He uttered the obvious, as if trying to confirm he wasn’t dreaming. “You’re pregnant with my baby.” He said again, this time his tone was a little more possessive. You nodded, hands coming down to lay on top of where his hands sat. “Been carrying our baby this whole time, Sugu.” You heard him hum in acknowledgment, eyes full of wonder as your baby kicked. “They’re happy to finally hear their daddy’s voice.” You whispered, looking up at him through your lashes as he met your gaze. “I love you, with my whole being I love you.” you could hear it in his voice, nothing put pure love and adoration for you and your unborn child. “I’m so sorry you had to find out after I left…” He added softly, heart aching at the very thought. 

“I had Satoru and Shoko… they didn’t really make up for you not being present, Suguru. But they tried their damn hardest and I’ll forever be grateful for that.” He nodded, thumb gingerly brushing the skin below his hand. “Do they know you’re here?” He questioned you, eyes falling back to your stomach. It was almost too surreal to believe. Not only were you in front of him again, but you were very pregnant with his baby. “I left them letters. They have no idea I’m gone and they likely won’t know for a few more hours. I don’t have any intentions of going back.” You let the words hang in the air, you were certain Suguru wouldn't expect you to turn around and leave once this night was through. That didn’t stop the butterflies swirling in your chest out of anxiety anyways. “I have no intention of letting you go.” 

You couldn’t think in that moment, body pushing up on your tiptoes as if no time had passed at all. Your stomach hindered you a bit, pressing snuggly to Suguru’s front as your hands cupped his cheeks. Suguru caught on, of course, bending down and guiding you to him as your lips met in a soft kiss. You felt it then, the same tears burning your eyes as they shut tightly. Melting into Suguru’s lips felt like home, slowly piecing back the pieces he shattered to make you feel whole again. You could tell he wanted to deepen it, devour you whole in that moment so you’d never go. Instead, he pulled away with flushed cheeks that mirrored your own, pupils blown wide as he observed you. “I love you.” He repeated, looking at your lips as you replied back 

“I love you too.” 

Suguru kissed you again, cupping your face just  as you cupped his, holding you in place and bending down further so you didn’t have to strain so hard to meet him. The tears you had tried to whole back were flowing freely at this point, mixing with the kiss as it turned slightly sloppy. It took you only a minute to pull away again, eyes wet as you gasped for air. “S-sorry the pregnancy hormones they—“ but Suguru hushed you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they fell. “You have nothing to apologize for, my sweet girl.” He kissed your forehead, pulling back as he guided you away from the edge of the platform and closer to the barren altar behind him. “There are not enough words in the universe for me to convey how sorry I am for everything I’ve put you through. I’ve said it already, but so long as I am alive, so long as you are willing, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.” 

“Keep me by your side, Suguru. That is all I ask of you.” You sniffled, tears flowing even faster as you restated your earlier request. Tenderly, Suguru brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed each one softly. “I will do more than that, my love. You will never have to work another day in your life, you will know nothing but love and comfort.” He promised as he flipped your hand over and placed a kiss on the center of your palm. “You, me, Nanako, Mimiko, our baby… our future babies.” He added with a small grin, causing  you to laugh softly through your tears. “The five of us, and whoever else may join us in the future. I will keep you safe, happy, loved.” He promised as he kissed your wrist, feeling your pulse race under his lips. 

You nodded, using your free hands to wipe your face as Suguru’s lips trailed further. You felt a shiver pass through your body as Suguru’s lips made their way up your arm. “I’ve missed you.” he repeated, tone huskier than before as he placed a kiss on your bicep. “So many nights alone…” he placed another kiss but this time it was on your shoulder. “I’ve been dreaming of you…” This time his head was dipping to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, inhaling the smell of you and groaning. “I missed you.” he murmured again, lips pressing to the pulse point in your neck as he let himself get wrapped in the scent of you. The scent he had missed so desperately. You felt it then, something you hadn’t felt in months. The bubbling heat pools in your gut, spreading throughout your body as Suguru’s tongue licks up your neck. Arousal. 

“S-Suguru please…” Your hand found its way into his hair, holding him in place as both of his hands wrapped around your waist. “Please what?” he murmured, teeth scraping your neck as he moved his head up towards your jaw. “Please… make me yours again.” He groaned, so low you could feel it vibrate against your jaw as he kissed it slowly. There was a tremor in his hands as he held you tighter, pulling you closer until the swell of your stomach was pressing tightly to his. “You’ve always been mine, my beautiful girl.” He promised you as he moved to kiss your lips again, the kiss was gentle but sloppy, your fingers twitching as you buried them in the fine silks of his robes. You gave in, body melting into his familiar touch as you let his tongue slip past your lips letting him dominate it, just as you always had. 

The feeling of his tongue sliding against your own drew whines from your lips, clinging on to Suguru just a little tighter as he began to guide you. The steps were awkward, drawing a breathy laugh from Suguru as he pulled away from you. “This will be a lot easier.” He assured you before bending down a bit to haul you up into his arms. You couldn’t help but squeal, surprised he was able to pick you up so easily even with the extra weight of your baby. “Suguru!” You cling to him, curious about his intentions as he moves to sit you on top of the bare altar. “Isn’t this a bit…” but he shook his head “don’t worry about it.” He placed you on top of the smooth wooden altar with a grin, making it so you were equal height now. 

“It’s a special Christmas offering.” 

He offered you as your brows were still creased in concern. “Suguru!” You squealed after, face feeling hot as his hands landed on your thighs, squeezing the flesh and making you shiver as his lips found yours yet again. “I’m taking my time with you.” He muttered between quick kisses, lips shiny with your saliva as your breath mingled. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” You encouraged him, heart doing backflips at the idea of Suguru having his way with you again. You knew you missed him, of course you knew that, but sex hadn’t even been on your mind lately. Now, in this moment, you realized how badly you ached to be touched again, loved again.

Suguru left out a breathy moan, head falling forward for a moment before looking up to hold your gaze. “Have I mentioned just how badly I’ve missed you?” he teased, watching your lips quirk up as you tried to wiggle closer to him from where you sat on the altar. “I think you may have mentioned it once or twice so far…” You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer since you weren’t getting anywhere fast. “But that's enough with the talking, Sugu.” You moved so your lips were ghosting his ear, whispering seductively “Show me how badly you missed me.” He shivered, only fueling your desire as you got a little more bold. “Show me how badly you missed my body.” Suguru’s knees nearly buckled, you were too good to be true. 

Suguru took your request to heart, not wasting another moment by talking. His fingers easily found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your assistance. He couldn't help it, taking a small step back just so he could admire how you looked with your stomach swollen, carrying his baby so prettily. You felt your heart beating, chest rising and falling just a little faster than usual as the anticipation in your gut built. The warm amber of his eyes seemed to be swallowed whole by his dilated pupils, throat feeling dry as his eyes trailed up to your breasts. “These swelled up, didn’t they?” He asked in a teasing tone, mouth watering at the sight of your engorged breasts spilling over the top of your bra. “S-suguru.” 

“Well, they have, pretty girl. They’ll be full of milk soon enough, to nurture our little baby.” You couldn’t breathe, the overwhelming need for him to touch you nearly dizzying. “They’ve been so sore.” You offer quietly, looking at him through your lashes just to see his lips part. He seemed utterly entranced, warm hands sneaking around the back of you to find the clip of your bra. “Well, we can’t have that now, can we? Let me make them feel better, my love.” You nodded, feeling no shame or embarrassment as your bare breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze. Suguru had seen you naked so many times over the course of your relationship. Even with the rather extreme changes your body was going through, you still felt gorgeous when he looked at you the way he was now. “So pretty… they look so heavy… let me.” He breathed out carefully. 

You could feel the air getting caught in your lungs as Suguru’s hands gingerly cupped both of your breasts. The noise you made couldn’t be helped, lips wobbling as you whimpered at the sensation. “Oh? Are they more sensitive?” Suguru teased you, shamelessly fondling your breasts just to see you squirm. You nodded, one hand gripping the edge of the altar to balance you while your other hand shot up to grab his wrist. “Please, Sugu, they're really sensitive.” You whined, heat throbbing between your legs as he moved to pinch your nipple. “Even more sensitive than before?” He murmured, eyes focused only on your face as he rolled one of your perked buds slowly. “Y-Yes!” your back arched, forcing your bump to press into Suguru. “That’s good to know, pretty girl.” He squeezed just a little harder, smirking as you cried out. 

“So mean to me…” you wailed, as if nothing had changed at all. Suguru hushed you with a kiss, lips slotting against yours sloppily as he toyed with your breasts. You felt dizzy, completely intoxicated by the feeling of Suguru’s hands on you. You wanted him bad, needing to feel his skin rather than his robes. “Suguru…” you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as you uttered “Take your clothes off, please I don’t want to prolong this part.” He could take as much time with you as he wanted, but you were certain you would lose your mind if you didn’t see and feel his skin. “Whatever my lady wants, my lady gets.” He kissed you again before backing away. You sat on top of the altar, watching intently as Suguru undid the mildly-intricate layers to his robes. 

“C’mere” you murmured as Suguru was left in nothing but a pair of flowing navy colored pants. The material matched the robes, hugging his waist tightly and accentuating how broad he was. You hadn’t forgotten how he looked, but the last time you saw Suguru in person, he had thinned. Now, he was broad, covered in muscles, tanned even in the winter. It was the Suguru you had known before the world had changed his views. He walked towards you, a sense of pride in his steps as he displayed his new physique to you. “My handsome boy.” You murmured again, hands making contact with his soft skin and feeling him release a shuddering breath in response. 

Your touch never got old, every single time it felt like it was the first time you were laying your hands on him. You were mindful of where you put your hands, letting them dance across the plains of his chest before moving to his biceps. Suguru watched your hands move with baited breath, goosebumps erupting in their wake as your fingers moved lower. He couldn’t suppress the shiver that passed through him as your hands left his arms and moved to run along his sides. You were always so unpredictable with your actions, maybe that was why you were so elusive to just about everyone you met. Even when he thought he knew you like the back of his hand, you still managed to catch him by surprise. He could never get enough of it. 

Your hands rested on his waist for a moment, leaning forward to the best of your abilities to place a chaste kiss on his chest. One kiss led to two, then three. Before he could even utter a word, you were littering his chest and neck in soft, sweet kisses. There was no hiding his arousal, even in the loose fitting pants of his daily attire, Suguru’s cock was straining heavily against his briefs. “Y/N…” it sounded awfully similar to a plea, making his cheeks flush pink at the sound. You looked up at him, placing one last kiss on his sternum before moving back. Your hands left his waist, but not before trailing all the way up his sides and slowly sneaking around his neck. “Suguru.” you finally stated once you were pleased with your actions. 

“It’s my job to please you, you know. I don’t deserve any of this.” but you shook your head, hushing him softly. “Suguru, I love you with every fiber of my being. I have missed you for the nearly five months you have been away from me. I am going to shower you in the love I have been holding onto for all this time. Don’t you dare let your guilt taint the way you feel about me giving you my love.” You could tell he was struggling, after a moment of silence he nodded. It was a reluctant nod at that, but you knew it would take time for Suguru to overcome the weight of his guilt for leaving you in the first place. That was a battle for another day. 

What mattered was this moment. “Kiss me, please.” His request was so gentle, you couldn’t say no to him if you wanted to. Arms still wrapped around his neck, you pulled him to you and crashed your lips together once more in a heated kiss. Your body seemed to thrum with desire, every nerve ending sparking with electricity as the anticipation of what was to come built. You craved him like you craved air, so much so that if you were ever to go without him again you were certain you would not survive. Suguru’s hands lost their heistance once more, dull nails dragging up your back and causing you to arch into him. 

You couldn’t pull away, not when one of his hands found their home on the back of your neck. He kept you in place while his other hand snuck around from your back and found its way to your breasts once more. Your lips part easily, a cry ripping from your throat as Suguru’s fingers pinch one of your sensitive buds. He took the opportunity before him once more, tongue dancing around yours as he pulled and massaged the tender flesh of your swollen breasts. You squirmed on top of the altar, feeling your arousal clinging to your underwear as you moved. It only caused you to feel hotter, the deep rooted desire to feel him inside of you once more was becoming too much for you to bear in that moment. 

Your legs spread to accommodate him better, scooting yourself forward so your covered sex was pressing to Suguru’s abdomen. He could feel the heat radiating through your bottoms, making his head spin with the desire to feel your cunt once more. “Fuck I missed you.” He nearly hissed as he pulled away from you with spit covered lips, swollen from where your teeth had been pulling at them. “Show me how bad.” You slurred, eyes lidded as you tried pulling him back to you. Suguru doesn’t hesitate anymore, letting you bend him to your whim. His lips find their home on yours once again, teeth and tongue clashing together as your hands wander his body. 

Suguru’s teeth are sinking into your bottom lip, pulling at the pliant flesh and trying his hardest not to smirk as you whimper at the sting. His hands are mimicking your own, gliding over every ounce of bare skin he can reach, dull nails scraping until he feels you erupt in goosebumps. He pulls away again, leaving your head spinning from the constant changing contact. Before you can even open your mouth and complain, Suguru’s head is burying itself in your neck. He knew your weak points like the back of his hand, teeth scraping against the column of your neck before finding the perfect point to bite down. A shrill moan left your lips, no longer muffled by Suguru’s lips on your own. His canines were creating the perfect amount of pressure, sending your heart into a frenzy as if you were preparing for him to pierce your skin.

Suguru eased up a moment later, his hand slipping down between your bodies to press his fingers against your covered cunt. The sensation sends sparks of arousal through you, making your thighs twitch as he lapped greedily at the teeth indents he left behind. “Mine…” he gasped between licks “all mine.” Your mind blanked the moment his fingers found their way to your nipple again, twisting and pinching the sensitive bud until you felt tears burning your eyes. “Sugu, please!” You tried to jerk away, fingers threading in his silky locks as you tried to create some sort of relief for yourself. Everything was too sensitive, the ache forming so deeply within your body that you were certain you would lose your mind before he made you cum. 

“Please what?” He rasped, sucking at your skin until it bruised. “Fuck me.” You begged, tears pricking your pretty eyes and driving him absolutely wild. “Fuck you?” Suguru smirked, tugging your nipple until those pretty eyes shed the tears you were holding back. “Fuck me… oh fuck please, Suguru.” Your tone turned whiny, higher than usual as desperation won over your pride. You’d get off this altar and beg him on your hands and knees if you had to. Even if it would be a bit of a struggle with your rather round stomach.  “How am I supposed to say no to that?” he soothed you, hands abandoning  your breasts to cup your cheeks. He kissed you again, this time it was softer, with the intent to take his time even if it killed you. 

You felt drunk, chasing his lips even as he pulled away. Shakily, Suguru’s hands moved down your body, holding your hips as his head lowered to trail wet kisses down your neck. You caught on to his intentions as he moved lower, kissing your collarbone before moving to your chest. Suguru’s tongue ran along your sternum, pulling a whimper from you as he placed not one but two loving kisses on your sensitive breasts. “You’re so perfect.” He smiled up at you, lips hovering over the swell of your stomach. “Such a good mama already.” So gentle it nearly made you cry, that sadistic side of him fading quickly with the overwhelming desire to please you took over his original intentions. Months apart didn’t allow for him to tease you in the way he once did. Not now at least. 

“So beautiful.” He added one last time before kissing your stomach. He showered your pregnant tummy in kisses, nose nuzzling you softly as your baby’s fluttering kicks reached him. You felt your face burning up as Suguru moved lower, as if he hadn’t been all over you for the last few years of your life. “I missed this cunt…” he mewled softly as he lowered to his knees before you. “Dreamt of it every time I got lonely…” he huffed out a laugh “which was very often.” His fingers were hooking into the waistband of your pants, eyes meeting yours as if to confirm one last time that this is what you wanted. You nodded, lips parted as quiet gasps shook you. “Take me, Suguru. I’m all yours, always have been.” His eyes fluttered closed, inhaling deeply to try and ground himself before he lost all self restraint he had. “Whatever you want, you’ll get.” 

You lift yourself awkwardly, giving Suguru enough room to pull your pants and underwear off in one easy swoop. You grimaced slightly as your bare skin met the smooth wood of the altar, it still felt rather wrong, but now wasn’t really a time to be questioning your morals. Suguru was shameless as he admired what he had been missing so dearly, not even his wildest fantasies could compare to you. “Fuck.” So soft you barely heard it, but still enough to have your thighs twitching as you spread them further for him. Your hands met the smooth wood behind you, leaning back to get comfortable and push most of your weight on your hands and arms so Suguru could access you better. “May I?” His breath was hot on your inner thigh, nearly panting. “Of course you may, is that even a question, Suguru?” 

“I guess it’s not, but I just want to make sure.” He didn’t give you a moment to respond, lips pressing to the plush of your inner thigh and sucking softly. You felt your lips tremble, eyes nearly tunneling as you focused on the top of his head over your baby bump. Suguru sucked bruises into your skin, inhaling your natural musk as he did so. One hand rested on your thigh, thumb brushing the skin beneath him tenderly as his other hand sank lower. Suguru groaned, vibrating your skin as his own hand brushed over his covered cock. Your heart was beating erratically, waiting not-so patiently for Suguru to do what he really wanted. Which was to devour you whole, but still, ever the patient man, he was taking his time. “Suguru…” you breathed out, hips moving forward just a bit to silently encourage him to cut the teasing. 

He didn’t answer you, nose trailing along your inner thigh as he palmed himself through his pants. He was savoring every second of you being before him again, so much so that he couldn’t help but take his sweet time with this part. Though, his self control could only be stretched so far before he, too, couldn’t take it. Your hands nearly balled into fists as he retracted, a moment later his warm  breath was fanning over your glistening cunt. “Thank you for this blessing.” He offered slowly, dragging each syllable out until you felt its message vibrating the base of your skull. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of torture, Suguru placed an open mouth kiss on your slick folds. One kiss led to two,  three, four, then his tongue was slipping between and running along your slit. You moaned, loud and unashamed as Suguru collected your juices on his tongue. 

One hand was still groping himself, alleviating some of the ache but not nearly enough to satisfy him. His other hand was now squeezing your thigh rather than gingerly rubbing it. He had missed your taste, fuck had he missed your taste over these months apart. Your arousal was sticky, its flavor unique and utterly addicting. He could do this for hours if it meant tasting every drop of your cum. Your head was falling back, your thighs no longer twitching and tense. Rather,  they fell apart with no resistance, leaving your cunt completely at his mercy. Suguru’s tongue was still gliding up and down your slit, stopping at your clit every few passes to flick at it, feeling your muscles jump under his ministrations before moving down towards your entrance. This was just another game of him teasing you until you were making a mess atop the altar without even coming. 

“Suguru…” you choked out, the arousal in your body thrumming with the need to be satisfied not tortured. Maybe he could hear that desperation in your tone, his nose bumping your pulsing clit as he pushed his tongue past your entrance. “Oh fuck.” You mewled, eyes nearly rolling back from the pure sensitivity. You hadn’t realized how reactive pregnancy would make you. Even the slightest of touches had your toes curling. It had always felt good, Suguru’s tongue had always managed to work unspeakable wonders on you. But now? It felt as if everything had been amplified, your lips trembling as the faintest signs of your impending orgasm began creeping up on you. Suguru was mindful of his position, using his nose to his advantage as he began to tongue fuck your cunt. “P-please… oh fuck…” your arms were feeling weak, causing  you to adjust you your elbows in order to not fall flat. 

Suguru’s tongue buried as deep as he could manage, using his nose to nuzzle your clit until your pants had turned to rapid gasps. If he wasn’t so preoccupied, he’d tease you for how sensitive you had become. It seemed every little action he made was causing your hips to jerk, a shrill cry leaving your pretty lips as he toyed with your cunt. Feeling you twitching beneath him, Suguru pulled his tongue  away from your entrance to focus on your clit. His nose could only do so much, after all. You couldn’t take it, the dizzying  feeling of Suguru’s lips wrapping around your aching clit and sucking so harshly your back arched. Pleasure shot straight through you, making your thighs tense as you clenched around nothing. He was going to make you cum in record time at this rate. That realization had you burning up, eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to scream his name for the whole temple to hear. 

Though that didn’t really help you much, loud and unrestrainable cries left your lips amidst a jumble of pleas. Suguru’s name was intertwined into every profanity, begging him to let you cum. Suguru’s hand left your thigh, instead shooting up to dip two fingers between your drenched folds. You sucked him in greedily, your cries only turning shriller as he began roughly massaging your walls. Tears leaked down your cheeks in fat globs as you clenched around him, causing his fingers to stutter their pace in the process. Not that you noticed, your vision was already spotting with stars as your orgasm grew nearer. “S-Suguru fuck… I’m gonna cum… you’re gonna make me cum Sugu… please… fuck please let me.” You were drunk off of your own lust, eyes lidded as you pleaded with him in nearly incomprehensible babbles. 

He responded by curling his fingers, digging into your walls just right. His tongue was still flicking over your clit, the varying sensations were making your head spin. “Sugu please…” You cried again, walls clamping around his digits so tightly he struggled to thrust them at all. He moved even faster, how that was possible you didn’t know, but stars were sparkling across your vision as you came hard. That didn’t cause him to slow down, actually it was quite the opposite. Suguru continued to fuck his fingers into you at a rapid pace, moaning wantonly as your slick squelches only turned louder in volume. Your orgasm had reached its peak but it wasn’t slowing, your wails turning into silent gasps as Suguru began to overstimulate you. It wasn’t until he finally pulled his lips away from your cunt that your body relaxed. 

“Good girl… such a good girl.” Suguru murmured, eyes memorizing the sight of two of his fingers disappearing inside of your glistening cunt. You couldn’t form a coherent sentence if you wanted to at that moment, arms feeling shaky as you tried to keep yourself propped up. Suguru caught on after another few seconds, pushing up from his kneeling position to stand before you again. You watched him stick the two digits in his mouth, sucking them clean before speaking again. “Don’t tell me you’re already worn out, my love.” He smiled at you, chin and lips covered in your shiny cum. You shook your head slowly, despite clearly wanting to utter a weak “yes”. Suguru’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a sitting position so he could kiss you properly. You let him do as he pleased, just like you always did, letting his lips sloppily cover yours so you could taste your own release. After a minute, he pulled away with reddened cheeks. 

“Fucking you… it…” he stuttered a bit, suddenly turning shy as he tried to figure out how to word his question. “It won’t harm the baby… will it?” You felt your eyes widen, lips twitching into a smile as you shook your head. “Sex while pregnant is actually very safe, Sugu.” You assured him, not at all ashamed in the research you had done on the matter only a few weeks back. “Positive? It won’t harm you or the baby?” He asked for your reassurance despite having his fingers buried in your cunt moments prior. Not that his fingers were anything in comparison to his cock. “I’m positive, no harm can be brought to me or the baby during the act… You’ll just have to be easier on me, Sugu… I’ve gotten a lot more sensitive.” You felt your cheeks heating up, regardless of everything you’d just gone through. “Alright…” he kissed you again, softer, before pulling away.

You watched him with lidded eyes, a ghost of a smile on your swollen lips as Suguru began undoing the waistband of his pants. You were focused on the way his veins seemed to jump out as he undid the buttons, the sight making your jaw clench. Inch by inch, tanned and toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. Suguru was trying to hide his excitement as his cock was freed from the confines of his pants. You whined at the sight, even your fantasies did nothing to compare to the real thing. For a moment you nearly groaned about how much you had missed him. You managed to hold it in, not willing to subject yourself to his endless teasing, at least not right now. Right now, what you wanted was “Please… you’re taking way too long, Suguru. I want you so bad…” You were repositioning yourself the way you had been when he went down on you, this time forcing your legs up to rest your feet on the edge of the altar. 

A position that you typically didn’t have to think much about was now causing you some difficulty, but you could push that aside if it meant he’d move a little faster. Suguru stepped out of his bottoms and discarded them off to the side with the rest of your crumbled up clothes. “Old habits die hard, you know. I can’t help but draw things out, my pretty girl.” He closed the distance again, hands resting on your knees and unintentionally alleviating the pressure with his support. “I know, but I want you so bad… I want you inside of me, Sugu.” He was twitching, precum leaking steadily from his irritated looking tip. “Fuck… okay… okay…” one hand left your knee to wrap around the base of his neglected cock. Carefully, he gave himself a few harsh tugs, groaning as mild relief flooded his veins. You wanted to grumble about how you couldn’t see him over the swell of your stomach, especially since he knew how much you enjoyed watching him. 

“May I?” Suguru asked, eyes meeting yours but you tilted your head. “Words, Sugu… I can’t exactly see down there right now…” You held in a giggle as his lips parted before closing again, rosy cheeks deepening as he realized his fatal mistake. “Oh.” laughter was laced with those two words, causing you to smile back. “May I use your cum as lube?” Suguru spoke slowly, smirking at you as your small smile turned into a look of surprise. “I-Oh… fuck.” You choked, the back of your hand pressing to your mouth for a moment before you squeaked out a “yeah.” Suguru moved a second later, guiding the dull head of his cock between your folds and spreading them. You breathed out, low and stuttering as his head passed over your still sensitive clit. He repeated the motions a few times, watching you jump as he’d get caught on your entrance before moving up again. Suguru only stopped once he couldn’t tell what was covering him more, his own pre-cum or your arousal. 

His fist began dragging up his length, spreading it until he felt it was good enough for your comfort. “Lay back… if you can.” Suguru’s tone had turned soft, yet again giving you whiplash from the constantly revolving tones and emotions. You nodded, pushing yourself further up the wooden altar. You weren’t quite sure what Suguru had in mind at that moment, watching you get yourself situated so your whole body was on top of the platform. You leaned back, resting your body weight on your elbows but stopping when you felt your body begin to strain. “Kinda hurts…” you mumbled, cheeks feeling warm as you tried to find a comfortable position with your swollen belly. “I bet it’s too much pressure to be on your hands and knees, right?” His eyes had softened, admiring you with a small smile as he watched you nod. “Would it be easier if you had support under your back?” Your brows creased, contemplating for a moment before nodding. 

“It wouldn’t hurt to try.” Again, you didn’t quite know how Suguru was going to go about helping you with that. But he was walking away from you, over to his discarded silk robes, and you felt your face burning up with the realization as he began to fold them. “These are soft, if I place them under your back it should offer you some comfort.” he grinned as he walked back towards you on the altar, the fine robes folded in a neat pile. “Sugu… what if we get them…” but he shook his head, helping you sit up again so he could place them behind you. “If they get dirty, they can be cleaned. I have a few backups of these, you know.” You shook your head, fighting off your laugh as he motioned for you to try and lay back again. “How is that?” Suguru watched you carefully as you tried to get comfortable. “If it doesn’t help, I can figure something else out.” You had to avert your gaze for a moment, eyes lingering on his leaking cock before meeting his eyes.

“I doubt you’ll be able to think straight for much longer, Suguru.” 

His eyes widened, cheeks flushing red as he was rendered speechless by your comment. “This feels fine, Suguru. Just get up here with me.” You were leaning back on your elbows again, this time to watch him climb up on top of the altar with you, opposed for comfort purposes. “Show me how much you missed me, Sugu.” He couldn’t help himself any longer, moving to climb on top of you as you leaned back completely. It certainly wasn’t the most comfortable position or location you had been fucked in, but it would do. Especially when he was right there in front of you again. Nothing else mattered but him. “Fuck I love you.” he nearly choked as he pressed his lips to yours, hands bracing himself by flattening on either side of your head. Your legs fell open easily, allowing him to press up against you as you locked your ankles behind the small of his back. Your hands found their home on his biceps again, the warmth of your bodies pressing to one another was as dizzing as the kiss. “You good?” he rasped as he pulled back. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You assured him, knowing he was worried about putting any weight on you. “I’m a little sensitive but I’m not fragile, Sugu.” You would say anything at this point if it meant he’d get inside of you quicker. “Please just… tell me if something isn’t right.” You could feel his hips grinding up against you, cock sliding along your cunt but not going further. “I will… fuck I promise I will but Suguru please… I need you inside… so bad…” you whined, losing sense of your own rationality again as he teased you unknowingly. “Okay…okay…” desperation was lacing his own words, one hand moving down to wrap around his shaft and guide his cock to your entrance. “It’s been a while, I’ll try to go slow.” You grumble out some sort of response, too worked up to care as his head pushes between your folds. Suguru feels your breathing stutter as he slips in, your cunt stretching to accommodate him. It didn’t hurt, but you could feel the pressure ebbing its way down to your thighs, inhaling deeply as you tried to relax. 

Suguru was focused, leaning back a little bit so he could watch himself disappear inside of you. “Almost half way, sweet girl.” you whined out an “okay”,  eyes looking past him to the ceiling of the temple above you before moving back down to the top of his head. It felt like you needed to keep making sure this was real, that he was really in front of you, nevermind inside. Your walls were suctioning to him, clenching involuntarily as he finally bottomed out after what felt like an eternity. “There we go… oh fuck…” your face was contorted in pleasure, watching Suguru fall apart from simply entering you was more than you could handle. “Fuck I missed you… I almost forgot how good you feel… shit.” He couldn’t move yet, even though his hips were restless. Suguru was certain if he moved, he would cum then and there. He wasn’t even sure how he had managed to keep it together while entering you, cock twitching so harshly he was certain he would have blown his load half way in. “Suguru…” 

His name was one of the few words you could remember at that point, the most your brain was willing to offer as it melted into a puddle of mush. “I’m right here.” he cooed, leaning down again to press his lips to yours once, twice, three times before showering the rest of your face in chaste reassuring kisses. “You’re doing so good for me, sweet girl. Taking me so well after so many months… you’re so perfect… so fucking perfect.” he breathed, forehead pressing against yours as his body contorted around the swell of your stomach. “Just tell me when I can move, okay?” he had gotten himself together somehow, now all he wanted was to hear you tell him it was okay. You nodded, inhaling deeply before uttering out “okay… you can move… just start slow.” Suguru let out a shuddering breath, kissing you one last time before he drew his hips back halfway. 

Suguru had always relied on harsh, quick snaps of his hips for you, knowing you enjoyed things rather rough. The request to be easy, start slow, be gentle with you, it was a change of pace he hadn't been prepared for. You whined for him, finding pleasure even as he rolled his hips into you to try and find a pace that felt good for him. Your cunt hadn’t changed, still warm and tight, squeezing him to the point it was nearly hard to move. “A-are you okay?” breathless “You’re so tight… it’s not uncomfortable for you, right?” You nodded, face warming as you tried to find the right words. “I-i’m okay it feels really good… just… sensitive…” you moaned as he rolled a little deeper, brushing that one particular spot. You clenched, somehow growing even tighter and causing Suguru to groan loudly. “Y-you’re doing so good, Suguru…” His eyes opened, meeting your gaze to make sure you weren’t just saying it to appease him. 

“I mean it.” you added, lips falling open as another breathy whine left you. Suguru’s hips continued to roll into you at an agonizing pace, sending shivers straight down your spine as molten pleasure settled in your gut. “Y-you can speed up when you’re ready too…” It was your not so subtle way of showing your impatience, earning a low chuckle from Suguru as he rolled his hips at a faster pace. Your whines only grew in pitch, words of encouragement falling from your lips as Suguru worked towards a pace where he’d be able to thrust into you without overwhelming you. “I missed this cunt so bad…” he choked out, eyes lidded and mouth hanging open partially as he let himself get lost in the embrace of your body. “So fucking soft…” he coudln’t get over it, the way your velvety soft walls clung to his cock with each movement. 

It wasn’t until his hips began to snap into you, watching your breasts bounce with each connection of your hips that Suguru realized how close he was to coming. 

“Oh fuck…” he choked, face heating up as his hips stuttered in their pace. “Is something wrong?” you nearly cried out, eyes welling from pleasure as you looked at him. “I-Shit.” he gasped, hips unable to stop their movement. “Gonna… fuck I’m gonna cum.” he got it out finally, head falling foreward because of embarrassment. He hadn’t had this issue since the first time you two slept together, back then it was from pure inexperience. Now, it was because he’d gone too long without you. “O-oh…” you gasped out, back arching near painfully as he passed over that one particular spongy spot again. “...s’okay if you cum…Sugu… I don’t mind… ha…”  You were close again yourself, pregnancy causing you to become more sensitive than you thought possible. You couldn’t recall a time where you had cum without any other stimulation to pair with Suguru thrusting into you. “I-are you sure…” his head lifted, face completely red as he tried to concentrate on not making an absolute fool of himself. 

“J-just because you come it doesn’t mean you have to pull out.” you added weakly, accidentally clenching around him and causing you both to moan in unison. “G-give me your all, Suguru.” Your plea was enough to have him curling into you, head resting on your chest as his hips stuttered into your cunt. You couldn’t decipher what he was saying as he came, the words sounding like nothing more than mumbled nonsense. It was only when your own breathing settled that you realized what he was saying. “Thank you… thank you… thank you…” Over and over, quiet praises, thanking you again and again. Shakily your hand came up to run through his sweaty hair, your other hand resting on his bicep. “I’ve got you…” you added softly as you felt wet tears littering your chest. How odd it felt to see a grown man fall apart in every sense of the word. Suguru relaxed on top of the altar, slowly pulling himself back together as he looked at you. “I love you.” he uttered with pure adoration in his eyes. 

“I love you too.” You whispered back, hand slipping from his hair to his cheek, cupping it. “You’re so pretty, Sugu.” you smiled as his eyes closed again, nuzzling into your palm. “So are you… ya know.” he cleared his throat a bit, hips still buried deep. “I’m…” he laughed a bit. “I’m still hard.” You laughed with him, a bit worn out already “I know, I can feel it.” Your hips wiggled, Suguru watched as your face contorted in pleasure as you pushed him further into that one particular spot that had you seeing stars. “You still need to come, pretty girl.” he was regaining his composure with each passing second. “You’ve already made me come once.” But you knew he was having none of that, five months apart did not equate to one orgasm. “We both need to get off still.” he corrected, watching that pretty smile take over your features as your hands moved to wrap around his neck. “Alright, if you still have the energy…” You teased him softly, pulling him closer to ghost your lips across one another. “Make me yours, again and again.” 

“Always.” he kissed you, softer than any kiss you had shared that night. Slowly he found his rhythm for a second time, hips drawing back and forth into your spent cunt. Everything was hotter, wetter, thanks to Suguru’s release. Every moan was swallowed by his lips, tongues dancing around each other as Suguru’s hand slipped down between your bodies. Even with your pregnant stomach, even with the position you were in, he still managed to sneak his fingers down to your clit, rubbing it harshly until you were nearly yelling. Your body reacted to every touch, your orgasm building again, this time much faster than before. “Oh-oh fuck…” you were babbling again, fingers clawing at Suguru’s arms as your cunt clenched tightly around him. Saliva was smeared across your swollen lips, Suguru broke the kiss just to hear your noises properly. “Come for me… fuck I know you’re close… come for me…” Suguru pleaded with you, hips growing sloppy again from his own sensitivity. You let out another loud cry of his name before spilling all over him, cunt clenching tightly as a warm gush of your own arousal dripped down to the altar below you. That was enough for Suguru, a string of curses flooding his mouth. 

Still sensitive from his first orgasm, Suguru seemed to feed off the aftershocks by spilling into you a second time. You both laid there for a moment, panting heavily in the large, echoing chambers that surrounded you. “Merry Christmas.” You offered weakly, a hint of laughter coating your words as Suguru’s head fell to your chest with a breathless laugh. “Best christmas gifts I could have ever received, ya know.” He looked up at you, cheeks still a bit flushed as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I know it’s still a lot to process… but you’ve got a home with me if you’re willing to take it… I know I said I wouldn’t let you go but…” Still hesitant, you smiled softly at him, hand cupping his sweat cheek as you soothed his worries. “My home is with you, Suguru. From now on, where you go, I go.” Suguru’s shoulders visibly sagged in relief, leaning down to kiss your forehead for a second time with his eyes closed. 

“Let’s get cleaned up and go home then, my sweet girl.” 

Despite everything, you found yourself praying once more that this wasn’t just a dream. “Yeah, let’s go home.” You smiled as his eyes opened, watching him straighten and kneel before you. You felt him slip out, making you both groan before his hands were reaching to help you up. “What a mess…” you were quiet as you looked down at the ruined altar top. “It needed to be replaced eventually.” Suguru reassured you, getting down off of the polished wood and assisting you to the best of his abilities. “Do you think you can walk?” you felt your brows creasing at his question, wondering if your legs would be able to support you and your baby if you were to get off of this altar. “I… guess we’ll find out.” But Suguru’s arms were on you in a second, supporting you almost entirely as he helped you get down to the floor. You had to admit your legs did feel jello, shaky and weak as you tried to stand without support. “That won’t do.” Suguru chided, more so mad at himself for not taking it easy on his pregnant girlfriend. 

“It’s okay, just help me get dressed so we can get out of here… I need a shower.” Suguru’s release was starting to drip down your thighs, warming your face as older memories entered your mind. “Yes ma’am.” He grabbed your things one at a time, helping you get your bra on, then your shirt. Next he got his own robes on so he could leave the room to get you a washcloth for the mess he made between your thighs. He returned a minute later with a warm, wet cloth in one hand and a fresh dry one in the other. “My stuff is at a hotel, Suguru. We’ll need to get it before heading home.” While you could survive on Suguru’s clothes for a day or two, you desperately craved the silky maternity pajamas you had bought yourself a while back. “Alright, I’ll have the driver called to pick us up. He’ll bring us to that hotel and I’ll retrieve your things. Then we’ll head home. Nanako and Mimiko are going to be so ecstatic to meet you, sweet girl.” 

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, the two little girls Suguru had taken in would be waiting for their honorary father to return home. But what about you? “Are you sure? They know I exist?” you questioned as you spread your legs, letting Suguru gingerly clean up the remnants of his release and your own. “I’ve told them all about you, they refer to you as Mama Y/N.” Mama. You blinked, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you sensitive, but that brought tears to your eyes. Suguru had never once spoken badly of you in your time apart, going as far as to speak about you so lovingly to these two little girls that they referred to you as mama without even meeting you. There was still so much that needed to be sorted out, so many emotions to pick apart, but for now it was christmas eve. Those things could wait for a day or two, for now all you needed to focus on was you, Suguru, and your baby growing within you. 

December 24th, 2007 [Somewhere around 6:30pm]

“Cheer up, Satoru. It’s christmas eve and you’re moping around.” Shoko pressed his arm, watching his unfocused eyes snap back into reality just to see her. “What?” She sighed, shaking her head as she moved to lean against the wall Satoru had planted himself against. “I feel bad that she isn’t here, too, Satoru. But she said she wasn’t feeling good…” But Satoru shook his head, pushing himself off the wall for the first time that evening. “She’s withdrawing from us, she has been for the last few weeks… ever since…” But he couldn’t say it, for some reason he found himself choking up trying to utter Suguru's name. “Ever since she saw him, I know.” Saying his name wasn’t exactly smart given the people in the room with them. “She’s just… she’s alone on Christmas Eve, Shoko. That’s not fair… we should be with her or she should be with us.”  He began shifting from foot to foot, for the first time that night he felt antsy enough to get off the wall he glued himself to and move. “I agree, Satoru, but she doesn’t feel good…”

“I think she's full of shit, using it as an excuse.” he spat with more venom than necessary, not really directed at you but more so directed at himself. Shoko studied him for a moment, unsure of how to continue considering they were in a room full of close friends. Friends who all felt the absence of three particular people… Haibara, Suguru, and of course, you. It was a much quieter Christmas eve than previous years. So, reluctantly, Shoko pushed off the wall “Let’s get some air, Satoru. I think you could really use it.” Satoru met her gaze, lips parting before closing again and shoving his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Without a word, he unpeeled himself from the wall and trailed after Shoko. The two had barely stepped foot into the cold air before Satoru was seething again. “She’s distancing herself from us, Shoko, don’t you realize that?” Shoko was pulling a cigarette and lighter out of her pocket, bringing the cylinder to her lips as she mumbled out “Of course I recognize that, Satoru.” for a moment he bit his tongue, the urge to scream at her for her casual nature was making him feel weak to his own emotions. 

“Then what do we do? We’re going to lose her if we don’t figure this out…” if he hasn’t already. Satoru couldn’t shake the pit in his stomach, the feeling that he had already lost you was weighing him down. He had let Suguru slip through his fingers, and now it seemed he was letting it happen all over again with you. “I have no idea, Satoru. I won’t lie, I’m not as close with her as you are… I mean you guys just seem to have a much deeper bond than friendship…” Shoko corrected when Satoru’s head whipped in her direction. She loved you dearly, and she knew that you loved her right back. But she would be an idiot to deny the fact that you and Satoru seemed to have a bond much deeper than friendship. “I don’t know what you mean–” Satoru choked, lips pressing into a thin line as he nervously pushed his glasses up again. “Don’t lie, Satoru. You know exactly what I mean.” But Satoru was not going to openly admit to his feelings for you right then. “You love her in a different way than me, Satoru. You have since our first year here.” But it seemed Shoko was more than willing to take the opportunity for him. 

“Now isn’t the time…” but he could feel his voice trembling as he spoke, head turning away from her to glance across the courtyard. “Then when is it time, Satoru?” Again, something he didn’t have the answer for, something he probably would never have the answer for. “I…fuck I don’t know okay? But right now definitely isn’t the time.” He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his own skin, Shoko inhaled her smoke deeply before pulling the cig away and letting out in one breath. “Go to her, if you think that is what’s right. But don’t come back at me if she bites your head off for waking her.” Maybe Shoko had a little too much faith in your capabilities to remain strong. Satoru, on the other hand, felt like he was racing against a timer that may have already hit zero. “Alright.” Was all he could push out in that moment, feet moving before his mind could even process it. “But we do need to have this conversation at some point, Satoru!” Shoko called but he was already halfway across the courtyard. “Some Christmas Eve this is.” She huffed, watching the smoke slip past her lips again as she let her head fall back. 

If she could, she would run to you right now and hold you close. But things had grown so complicated, for some reason she couldn’t find the strength to sit down and pull the information out of you. Deep down, even though she didn’t want to admit it, she knew it was only a matter of time before you disappeared just as Suguru had. She couldn’t say she blamed you, had she been in your shoes she would likely do the same. She knew how dear he was to you, how much love you held in your heart for him even after his deflection. Now you were carrying his child. Shoko could come to terms with the fact that her support and her presence was small in comparison to the support and love Suguru would shower on you and your unborn child. Satoru, however, could not swallow that pill and keep it down. He loved you, much more than a friend. Shoko has known that since your first year at Jujutsu Tech, as much as Satoru had been pining, Suguru had beat him to you… and inevitably won your heart. She knew it ate him alive to this very day. 

—

Satoru couldn’t figure out why his hands were trembling as they gripped the railing. Every step he took, every step that carried him up towards your dorm floor had his legs threatening to crumble. He couldn’t shake the doom gripping at his heart, as if he somehow already knew that something was terribly wrong. Still, he pushed forward despite his heart threatening to break out of his ribcage and fling itself out the nearest window. It was quiet as he hit the landing, so quiet it felt empty, as if there was no human life inhabiting the floor. Satoru’s stomach was dropping with each step he took, forcing air into his lungs just to exhale slowly as he approached your dorm’s door. His hand raised, knuckles rapping against the door. “Y/N? You Awake?” 

No answer. 

Satoru’s hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob before twisting and pushing it open. “Y/N?” he took a step inside, surprised to see your desk lamp on. It took Satoru another second to process that you weren’t present in the room. He blinked slowly, eyes traveling over a room that now felt foreign to him. Inch by inch, he noticed that things were missing. Your room feels emptier than usual, and not just because of your absence. “Shit.” He chokes, walking further into your dorm room to assure himself that he wasn’t imagining it. Usually, he’d never invade your space in such a way but Satoru found himself ripping your closet door open and cursing louder when he realized a majority of the hangers were empty. 

He couldn’t see straight, not as he stumbled backwards and out of your room. Satoru’s legs carried him on autopilot, straight down the hall to Shoko’s empty dorm room. He pushed the door open, flicking on the lights and checking her bed to make sure you hadn’t snuck in to it. As expected, it was empty. The door slammed so hard it rattled the frame, but Satoru couldn’t even hear it, not over the roaring of blood in his ears as he stumbled down to his dorm room. He swung the door open so hard it hit the wall and ricocheted back at him, but he was already in the room and out of its path. His eyes were frantic, wide and unnerving as he looked at his empty bed… a note neatly sitting on his pillow, his name written in your scrawling font. 

Bile burned Satoru’s throat, without even picking up the envelope he knew it was a goodbye. 

The bile burning his throat wasn’t going back down, panic ebbed through his veins as he turned on his heels and stumbled into the bathroom. Satoru puked the little contents he had left in his stomach, tears blurring his vision as he tossed his glasses onto the tile floor. It wasn’t until he heaved a third time that his knees gave out on him, hitting the cold tile below him with a sickening thud. He couldn’t see through the tears, a mix of broken sobs and curses falling from his lips as saliva filled his mouth and his stomach squeezed painfully tight. For a minute he thought it would be impossible to pull air into his lungs, maybe the universe would grace him with blacking out. Maybe when he woke up he’d realize this was all a bad dream. 

But the universe wasn’t that kind to Satoru, it probably never would be.

There, on the bathroom floor, the strongest sorcerer was reduced to a crying mess. All because of you, all because of his mistakes, all because of things he had let slip through his fingers. How childish could he be? To mess up so badly the first time that he failed Suguru. The eyes that were supposed to see everything had let his best friend fall with no one to catch him. Now, it was you, right before his very eyes he watched you slowly decay into a shell of your former self. But, again, he ignored the warning signs and you had slipped right through his grasp. He couldn’t process anything else in that moment, fingers gripping the sides of the toilet as he heaved again. 

Satoru wasn’t sure how long he remained a crumpled heap on his bathroom floor, but eventually there was nothing else that could come out of him. In a daze, Satoru pulled himself off the ground, flushing the toilet’s contents, standing to grasp for the faucet’s knobs and pulling until cold water rushed from its opening. The cold water grounded him, forcing air into his too-tight lungs, one after another, until tears were flowing freely down his cheeks again. Was this a panic attack? Is that what it felt like? Like you were drowning on dry land? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he needed to read whatever you left behind in that envelope. 

He needed to have some idea on why you did this, even if he knew why you did this. He turned the water off, silence ringing in his ears as he dried his shaking hands and stumbled into his too cold bedroom. Satoru wiped his eyes, over and over and over until the tears stopped long enough for him to see clearly. Grabbing the envelope, he sat himself down at his desk, letting the lamp’s golden glow illuminate the words he was too scared to read. He stared at it, blinking slowly as he looked over your handwriting. How did he let this happen, not once but twice? That anger from earlier was bubbling in his stomach again, threatening to reduce him to a scared child as he hurled anything left in his stomach. This time he swallowed it down. 

The paper was cold in his hands as he ripped open your neatly put together work. Inside the envelope was one piece of paper. One piece of paper was all you needed to say goodbye. His heart clenched, lips forming into a scowl at the very thought. Maybe he had been a fool all this time, a fool to think he meant anything of significance to you. The urge to rip the single page nearly overtook him, not willing to let you explain yourself and just throw it away. You had thrown everything away, after all. What harm was him ripping up one, useless, pathetic letter? 

He set it down before doing something that irrational, his mind going through a mix of emotions that he could only describe as grief. Mourning someone who wasn’t dead all over again. 

Satoru stared at the letter, heart squeezing so tightly in his chest as he spotted water marks. Water stains where your tears had smudged the ink slightly. Every ounce of anger in his body seemed to vanish the moment he saw them, something so small that delivered such a big message. He inhaled deeply, trying to find some sort of sanity to cling to before picking up the page and reading everything you had written for him. It was you after all, no matter how upset he got, he’d never be able to do any of the things he had contemplated only seconds prior. Shakily, he picked it up, holding it at an angle where he could easily read its contents. 

Satoru, 

I don’t know where to start, so maybe it’s best if I don’t even try. If I were to sit here as I am now, writing down every single thing I ever wanted to say to you I’d run out of paper and time. So, although you deserve far better than this letter, I will try and keep it short and to the point. 

You have done everything for me over these last five months, and there is nothing I can do that will ever amount to something worthy of returning the favor. I will forever be thankful for everything you have done for me. I would not have survived these last few months if it weren’t for you, Toru. 

I don’t want you to blame yourself, because my choice is completely my own. There is nothing you could have done to change my mind. I think we both know that, whether you want to believe it or not. I can’t imagine the pain I’m causing you by doing this… I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness because truly I don’t deserve it and I don’t expect it. 

I cannot go about my pregnancy without Suguru knowing. This is something that is meant to be precious to me, cherishing every minute of my baby growing inside of me… but I haven’t been able to enjoy it. My child deserves a happy mother and their father to be in their life. The only thing you are unable to provide for me, Satoru, is bringing Suguru back to our side. 

I have no choice but to go, for the sake of myself and the sake of my baby, I need him to know. 

This isn’t how I wanted things to happen, you know. I don’t think that needs to be said because of course I didn’t intend on getting pregnant and Suguru losing his mind. I didn’t intend on leaving you or Shoko. I didn’t think I’d ever have to say goodbye to you, Satoru. Nevermind having to say it through a shitty letter. God this is fucking stupid. You deserve so much more than a fucking letter. 

Please, find your happiness, Satoru. I love you. 

Your Y/N

Tears were burning his tired eyes, distorting your words as he tried to read it for a second time. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that one moment, leaving him to feel like a hollow shell of the person he once was. His heart was no longer within his chest, he was sure of it. Half of it had been taken by Suguru when he deflected. Now, the other half was long gone, tucked away in whatever belongings you had taken with you when you left. Nothing but a hole was left in its place, the broken halves of his heart were somewhere far away with the two people who meant more than anything to him. Maybe they’d do him a favor and stitch the halves together again. 

~ END OF PART 2 ~

Thank you so much for reading, I hope I didn't hurt you too much. As always, likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and greatly appreciated... till we meet again in part 3 :) - May 🩵

#jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk smut #jjk angst #geto suguru smut #geto suguru imagines #geto suguru x reader #suguru geto #geto suguru #suguru geto x reader #geto x reader #suguru x reader #suguru x y/n #suguru x you #jujutsu kaisen imagine #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #shoko ieiri #geto smut #satoru #gojo #geto x you #geto x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen scenarios #May's Pale Blue🩵

[wannabanghwang]

Summary : I just want to suck the absolute soul out of Hyunjin’s body

inspo was these pictures and the apartment is kinda what I envisioned, that’s all enjoy!😉

Warnings : blowjob

Word count : 1.7k

You skip into the living room upon hearing the familiar click of keys in the door. Hyunjin barely has the chance to shut the door and drop his bag before your mouth is on his. You kiss him fervently, his bottom lip between your teeth are your tongue probes at the seam of his mouth. He chuckles at first, a big hand snaking around your waist before he kisses you back.

“Mm yes, my day was great thank you for asking.” He smirks teasingly, pulling away from the kiss as he kicks off his shoes.

“It’s about to get even better, just wait.” You wink, trailing your finger over his exposed collarbone, earning yourself an intrigued eyebrow raise from Hyunjin. “I like this.” You say nonchalantly, tugging gently on the fabric of his asymmetrical sweater.

“Thank you.” He smiles, cocking his head as he raises his eyebrows curiously. His gaze rakes slowly up and down your body.

You’re wearing a pretty, white slip dress, trimmed at the bottom with lace. Your cheeks are still rosy and your hair damp from the shower.

Hyunjin leans down to kiss your neck and up your jaw. “You smell good.” He mumbles into your ear before dragging a wet, open mouthed kiss over your collarbone.

You arch your back into him, his hand still firmly around your waist. “You look good.” You reply, smiling as you push lightly on his chest to get a better look at him. He takes a step back, running a hand through his long black hair as you take a moment to admire.

“Yeah? You like the view?” He teases, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he does a little spin.

You laugh. “I’d like to suck the view, that’s for sure.” You grin as he opens his mouth, half in shock, half in amusement.

“Be my guest.” He replies, smirking as he plants a kiss on your forehead before walking past you into your apartment.

He walks into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. He takes a few drinks before setting it down on the counter. You follow closely behind him, wrapping your arms around his middle. He smiles when your hands slip under his sweater, raking your nails over the ridges of his abs. Your hand travels down slightly, squeezing his semi through his baggy jeans. He sighs, his head tipping back as his eyes fall closed.

“C’mere.” You mumble into his neck, grabbing hold of his arm as he follows you wordlessly into the living room. You sit him on the couch, taking a moment to admire him like this. Spread thighs, tousled dark hair and narrow eyes gazing up at you, black as pools of ink. You waste no more time, crawling into his lap and straddling him. His hands immediately find your waist, one on your ribcage, the other starting on your thigh, hiking up the fabric as it makes its way to your lower back. You kiss him. It's not so sweet anymore, it’s dirty, open mouthed and messy as you grind your hips lazily against the bulge in his pants. His hands on your waist help move you against him, holding you in time with his own idle thrusts. He groans into the kiss, pulling away as one of his hands slides the strap of your slip down your shoulder. You shiver as he slides the other side down, the chilly air hitting your bare breasts. He takes one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking and licking at the soft skin. His other hand still holds you flush to him, his thrusts getting needier.

“Take this off.” You mumble against his neck, tugging at the fabric of his sweater.

“Though you liked it?” He teases, but he’s already reaching back to pull it over his head. He tosses it to the side, landing somewhere on the floor.

“I do but I like you better like this.” You grin, sitting back on your knees to get a better look at him.

It’s the perfect visual, he’s breathing hard, his pink lips are swollen and pursed. His narrowed eyes gaze up at you, peeking through the few strands of black hair falling over his face. Your eyes trail down slowly, taking in the rapid rise and fall of his chest, the milky white skin of his lean abdomen and the toned muscle of his arms. Finally, they fall to his spread thighs and the bulge between them. The waistband of his boxers peeks out from underneath his dark wash jeans. You slide off his lap, falling to your knees in between his legs. He hums, tangling his hand in your hair, grinning at the knowledge of what’s coming. You unzip his jeans with ease, palming him over the soft fabric of his gray boxers. He lifts his hips up to help you slide his pants down his legs. They pool around his ankles as you stroke his length slowly over the fabric, kissing his inner thighs. He leans forward, his hand still tight in your hair as he plants a chaste kiss on your forehead before sitting back, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling.

“Fuck.” He groans, his hips rocking forward subconsciously as your tongue meets the sensitive skin.

You slip your fingers into his waistband, finally sliding his boxers down enough to pull out his cock. He whines as you wrap your fingers around him, stroking him slowly. You lock eyes with him, gazing up at him with wide, doe eyes before spitting lewdly on his cock. You watch as he goes from relatively collected, his lip tucked between his teeth to a groaning mess with his head thrown back as you stroke him. You smile to yourself, planting a kiss on the tip before squeezing him gently. A drop of precum beads as the tip and you make sure he’s watching before you swirl your tongue over it, licking it off.

The hand in your hair tightens. “Fuck, come on baby, please.” Hyunjin whines, fucking himself into your fist.

“Please what?” You say, innocently blinking up at him wide eyed.

He smirks, shaking his head slightly. He leans forward, his hand gathering your hair into a makeshift ponytail. He takes himself in his other hand, using your hair to bring you forward. He strokes himself slowly, tapping your lips with his cock.

“Open up baby.” He coos, sliding the tip over your plush lips.

It sends shockwaves straight to your core. You’re a sucker for Hyunjin taking control and he knows it. You rub your thighs together, grinding softly against your heel between your legs.

Hyunjin doesn’t miss this. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take good care of you in a minute.” He purrs, cupping your face as he puts himself in your mouth.

You hum around him contently, bobbing your head up and down in time with his careful thrusts. You use your hand to stroke the part that doesn’t fit in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip every so often. Hyunjin moans as he hits the back of your throat, drool spilling from the corners of your lips. It drips down your chin, down his length and over your hand. You smile slightly around his cock, knowing how messy he likes it. It drives him crazy when you can’t fit him all the way in your mouth, gagging as he hits the back of your throat. He likes how small your hands look when they’re wrapped around his cock, especially when he gets to fuck your pretty mouth.

You can tell he’s close because his breathing is getting harder and his thrusts are getting sloppier. You let him take you at the pace he needs, his hand using the fistful of your hair to guide you up and down. You place a hand flat on his belly, feeling it tense up as he comes. He’s moaning and mumbling your name as he spills into your mouth. He releases your hair as his body goes limp against the couch. You take this as a sign to pull away, flipping your hair back over your head as you swallow. You release his cock from your mouth with a pop, letting it fall against his stomach. What you didn’t realize was that he wasn’t entirely finished, so another few white ropes of cum paint his stomach. His head is lulled against the back of the couch, but he jolts back up upon feeling this.

“Fuck, sorry, I thought you were done!” You laugh, your eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

He takes in the sticky mess on his stomach and giggles. “Don’t worry about it, come here.” He grins, patting his lap.

It gets all over your thighs but you don’t mind, straddling his lap with his now softening cock nestled between your legs.

“Did I do good?” You grin, cocking your head as you plant a kiss on his cheek.

“So good, are you kidding me? I don’t even think I can move.” He grins, grabbing your cheek to kiss you. You open your mouth to him, your tongues moving together before he pulls away, pulling a face. “God I taste nasty, how do you do this so often.” He winces, shivering.

“A little, but I like it.” You giggle, kissing his forehead and then his cheeks.

“You taste good.” He grins coyly, kissing your neck before expertly flipping your bodies so you lay underneath him.

“Oh really?” You say with a small smirk, your fingers toying with his hair as he trails kisses down your body.

“Oh yeah.” He grins, disappearing under your skirt.

#hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin #hyunjin smut #skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #skz hwang hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin

[wosoamazing]

Negative Thoughts & Beach Days

Summary: Based of this request.

Warnings: Eating Disorders, R calling themselves fat, RED-S syndrome.

A/N: This took longer than I expected sorry. I hope you like it, might do a part two where R talks to Leah and Jonas etc. I took forever to come up with the title - don't be surprised if I change it.

“She’s so fat” “She’s ugly” “Literal definition of nepotism, search it up in the dictionary and you would find her, she is so unfit and a bad player, screams nepotism.”

Leah had always told you there are two main rules to being a professional sports person. Number one do not read the comments on any posts about you, and number two if you don’t listen to number one and do read the comments don’t let them get to you. But these three comments weren’t alone, they were three of millions, it had been going on for a month, its hard not to let them get to you, you open social media, and they were plastered all over your screen. You tried to ignore them, block them out of your head, but they always managed to find a way to wiggle in and eventually they were all consuming thoughts.

The girls first noticed an odd change in your eating habits one morning at breakfast, you didn’t stop at your routine stop in front of the cereal instead you continued over to the fruit picking up a fruit salad, you also had decided to have wholemeal bread instead of white bread this morning for your toast, these decisions received a few confused looks from the girls as you sat down, no one knew why, they just thought maybe you wanted to try and be healthier, so no one thought much of it and just shrugged it off.

You were 16, turning 17 in 2 months and had never had your period. Leah said you were lucky, that you didn’t have to deal with it. RED-S syndrome was what every single doctor you ever spoke too yapped on about, along with exercising less, which they all regretted saying the second after, exercising was your job, you couldn’t really stop it, plus it kept you skinny. You didn’t really listen to what anyone said, nor did you care, in your mind not having a period meant that you were skinny enough, you were thin enough, you were fit enough. This was far from the truth but in your distorted reality it was the truth. So, the day you got your first ever period your whole world collapsed, in your reality you were now classed as fat. In reality you weren’t, you were insanely skinny. But you weren’t in reality. You stopped eating snacks, you thrived off snacks or at least that’s what the girls said, but you had stopped eating them, that did concern them, but you were still eating your three full meals a day so no one was too concerned, well except for Alessia, she would always ask “You sure you don’t want some?” in regards to popcorn on movie nights, or “What happened to your snacks?” you knew somewhere deep down that she was concerned and just trying to help but you didn’t take the comments that way, it felt like she was having a go at you, and one day you snaped, “Alessia, why do you even care, it’s not like you’re in charge of me, you’re not my Mum, my Dad, you’re not Leah, you don’t fucking get to constantly nag me about food, you have no fucking idea what is going on. Just leave me alone” she stood there in shock that day and so did you, before you ran up to your room and locked it, she did know what was going on which is why she was trying to say things lightly, however she forgot that you wouldn’t have taken them lightly she had been in your position a few years ago and felt so bad that she forgot what it felt like when someone said something like that, so she stepped back.

You also started to wear obviously baggier clothes after your first period, you loved to wear anything with spaghetti straps that’s coverage stopped at your ribs, Leah referred to your clothes as ‘non-clothes’ saying you may as well just wear your underwear. But now you would always be found in a baggy overside hoodie or shirt and a pair of sweats, to be fair it was winter, however even in winter you would wear your Nike Pros and a cropped hoddie or cropped rugby jumpers, so the girls were confused and they didn’t really understand why you started wearing trackies and hoodies but the one day they had discussed it Alessia told them to just leave it be and she would deal with it. She wasn’t sure how she would deal with it, however the moment arrived on your team trip to Ibiza.

_____

It was the fourth day of your holiday trip with the team and today it was decided that you were all going to the beach, you had managed to suggest other activities, and avoided the beach for the previous three days. The girls were slightly confused as to why you were avoiding the beach as usually you were the one to suggest it and you always jumped at the idea. You loved to wear the skimpiest bikini Leah (or your Mum – depending on whether it was a team or family trip) would let you get away with, lounging on the sand for half of the day getting a good tan before turning into a four-year-old and splashing everyone in the ocean. You even once filled up a bucket of water and tipped it over Katie’s head when she was sleeping on the beach, it was safe to say you regretted that one.

“Come-on, Y/N lets go to the beach.” Alessia said as she pounded on your door, she waited a bit “If you don’t come out in the next minute, I will assume you’re sick and I’ll come in, whether you are dressed or not”.

“I’m still getting ready” you told her.

“How? Just choose the aquamarine bikini set, the side tie and triangle bikini ones, as I’ve told you before it definitely has the least coverage and Leah lets you wear it, and you always wear it, it’s your favourite, every time after I tell you to put it on you thank me, just chuck it on and let’s go” for some reason these words caused a tear to roll down your cheek, as you stared down at the bikini set that was laid out on your bed in front of you, the exact set Alessia said to put on, however there was one problem, it didn’t fit anymore, you tried it on last night and it didn’t fit, you had developed slightly since the last time you wore it and now it would be considered inappropriate to wear, you didn’t see it that way though in your mind you were too fat to fit into your own bikini.

“Less, just go down and meet the girls I’ll be like 5 minutes, I promise,” you said trying to get Alessia off your back, you felt as though you would break any second and you didn’t want Alessia there when you did.

“No, I’m waiting, why aren’t you ready yet though? You’ve had all morning, quite literally. Are you okay?” Alessia said back, she had some idea of what might be happening behind that door, she could feel it in the air, you were going to break, and she promised the girls she would help you and that they didn’t need to worry.

“I just can’t find them, I-I’m fine ” You said whilst your voice broke a little, ‘shit’ you thought to yourself, she will know something is not right and she won’t leave.

“Well, I hope you have pants on because I’m coming in,” she said half-jokingly, half seriously, whilst flinging your door open. “Um… what are these?” She said as she picked up the bikini set off the bed. Tears started streaming down your face as she looked over to you, you were caught. “Hey, what’s up?” She asked in a soft tone, you didn’t reply and slid down the wall, your knees were up near your chest as you hugged your legs, your head placed on your knees, your body started shaking from your sobs.

You heard Alessia’s footsteps, and then the creek of the door, then her footsteps stopped, maybe everyone was right, maybe no one actually liked you, Alessia just saw you start sobbing and left, maybe you were just a burden, maybe no one cared about you, maybe they wanted you gone, maybe …. “Y/N” your thought train was interrupted, Alessia was back, she sat down next to you and pulled you into her lap, at first you resisted but you gave up, she lightly pushed your head into her neck, and immediately you let your body relax against hers, you were still shaking from your crying and Alessia just let you sit there while she held you tightly rubbing your back. “Hey, can you drink some water for me?” Alessia said, her voice laced with concern, it had been at least five minutes, and you hadn’t calmed down, reluctantly you took the water bottle of her and took some small sips. “Thank you, now I think we both know what is going on here, but I would like to hear it from you,” she said, you knew this was coming honestly you expected this conversation weeks ago when you snapped at her but it didn’t mean you were prepared for it at all, you let out a sigh, “I promise I’m here for you, I won’t leave you alone, I’ll be here for you every step of the way, I’ll help you, your like my little sister, I care about you and I want to help, but I need you to tell me what’s up,” she said, a tear rolled down her check she knew the pain you were feeling and wished she could make it magically disappear but she couldn’t.

“I’m f-fat,” you cried out.

“That’s not true, you know that”.

“Yes, it is, I got my period, I don’t fit into my bikini and I-”

“Oh baby girl,” Alessia cuts you off pulling you in tighter, she didn’t need the rest, she had seen it, they girls had seen it, but they had hoped you hadn’t but obviously you had, “I promise you, you are most definitely not fat, getting your period just means that you’re getting healthy, and maturing and every girl grew out of their clothes at one stage, I grew out of multiple bikinis at your age and I still do but that doesn’t mean I’m fat does it? I promise none of us think that your fat, or unfit and I swear on my life that every single girl in this team would do anything for you, we all care about you so much and we all love you so much,”

“Okay, I-I’m sorry” you replied to her, you had slightly calmed down but tears were still streaming down your face.

“For what?” Alessia asked confused, “Being a burden”.

“Baby, you know you’re not a burden, this isn’t your fault, we will get you help okay, I can talk to the girls, to Leah but you will also have to talk to her yourself, I’ll help you, I can come with you to see Jonas, we can make a plan with Leah, and I promise every single girl on the team will also be with you every step of the way okay?”

“Okay, can we stay here for a bit?” You ask.

“Well, I think the girls are getting a little worried, what if we go down to the swimwear store and I buy you some new swimmers, whatever you like and then we can go to the beach, and you don’t have to swim if you don’t want to, I can stay with you if you want, but I think we should at least go down to the beach.” Alessia said as she dragged you up, she grabbed you both towels, hats and she grabbed her sunnies. You followed her down to the swim store and bought a nice set of bathers.

You made your way to the beach, Leah stood up and walked over to you, “Are you okay?” she asked as she gave you a hug, looking at Alessia for an answer as to why your face was puffy and tear stained, “She will be okay, we’ll talk about it later, let’s just enjoy our beach day first” Leah’s brow furrowed but she nodded her head, Leah trusted Alessia, so she decided to leave it until the end of the day. You were nervous for the conversation that was to be had at the end of the day but for now you decided to enjoy your beach day, but it was a bit more relaxed today you sat and talked with the older girls rather than messing about with the younger girls, you even fell asleep while tanning, you woke up to Leah reapplying your sunscreen and as promised Alessia stayed with you all day.

#woso #woso community #woso fanfics #arsenal wfc #woso x reader #woso imagine #awfc x reader #awfc

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Cottage in the Woods

Stepbro!Anakin Skywalker x Female reader

18+ MDNI

Warnings: sexual content, PiV (unprotected), oral, alcohol (no one is drunk), stepcest

Info: Established relationship, mechanic Anakin, college student reader, Anakin does have his mechnahand but it’s not actually mentioned

Anakin stirred awake slowly, his eyes still half-closed as he snuggled closer to you. His hand gently massaged your lower back, and a small smirk formed on his lips.

"Morning, Darlin’." He murmured, his voice deepening with sleepiness. "How's my favorite little princess feelin'?"

He yawned widely, exposing his perfect white teeth before sitting up straight, pulling the covers over both of you.

“M’feeling perfect,” You said as you breathed out happily.

Anakin chuckled, reaching over to grab his phone from the nightstand. He checked the clock before looking back at you.

"Well, we've got plenty of time to make sure you stay that way." He stood up, stretching his arms above his head, showing off his toned abs and muscular arms.

"Get dressed, dollface, it's Saturday morning, and I swear I'm takin' you somewhere special today."

He made a show of rummaging through his clothes on the floor, finding his favorite pair of jeans and a baggy T-shirt, which he threw carelessly over his head.

“You’re taking me somewhere?” You asked, immediately perking you up from your formerly subdued state.

Anakin nodded, grabbing his shoes from the floor and putting them on. "Yeah, you deserve a little treat don’t you think?"

"Get dressed, I'll be back in a sec," he said, heading towards the bathroom.

As he left, Anakin's steps were lighter than usual, almost bouncy, as if he couldn't wait to surprise you.

You changed quickly. Putting on baggy jeans and a black crop top with the oversized black zip-up jacket stolen from Anakin ages ago. You were pulling on sneakers just as Anakin returned from the bathroom.

His tousled hair wet and messy. He wore a pair of black jeans that accentuated his toned legs and a plain black T-shirt that clung to his muscular torso.

"You look fuckin' adorable," he complimented, walking over to you and running his fingers through your hair before kissing your forehead lightly. "Let's go."

He held out his hand for you to take, and together, you left your room, heads bent in conversation as you made your way downstairs.

Anakin chuckled softly, opening the passenger door of his car for you before climbing into the driver's seat. Slamming the door shut behind him, he started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

"Well," he began, turning the corner onto their sleepy suburban street. "We're heading about an hour away from here."

His eyes lit up with excitement as he glanced sideways at you, waiting for your reaction.

“An hour away?” You asked confusedly, wondering what the hell he had planned.

Anakin grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Just trust me, alright? It'll be worth the drive."

You sighed, teasingly pretending to be disappointed.

As they drove, he began to hum a familiar tune, and you noticed the car's air freshener had changed from its usual generic scent to the sweet fragrance of lavender.

You spent the rest of the drive smushed against the center console to hold his hand and feel his warmth. Playing music low with the intent of just having background noise while you talked and caught up on things.

Anakin's hand squeezed yours back, returning the comfort with equal intensity. "Sweet girl," he whispered, his voice low and sincere.

"So, how was work yesterday?" He changed the subject, hoping to distract himself from the growing anticipation and an anxiety building inside him with each mile marker that passed.

“The worst.” You sighed. “I would rather sprint up Mount Everest than serve that large of a party again.”

You told him the drama and tidbits of conversation picked up from that large group of 25 people. The gossip was the only redeeming factor of waitressing that large of a group. It was hell while you worked it with one other waitress, but damn what an interesting conversation you had with her by the dumpster when you both took a smoke break later that night.

Anakin chuckled, his eyes never leaving the road. "That's what you signed up for, ain't it?" He teased, reaching over to give your leg a light squeeze.

“Just cause I signed up for it, doesn’t mean I can’t whine and complain about it occasionally.” You teasingly pouted, but shook your head and kissed his cheek in agreement after he made a quick redemptive comment about your shared luck in having each other to confide in.

"So, how's my little bookworm doing? Everything alright in school darlin’, any trouble with your classes?"

You shared some interesting highlights of the past week’s classes and lectures. Watching Anakin’s facial expressions while you spoke was just as entertaining as the stories you were telling him. The animated way he responded to practically everything you said was heart warming; he gave you that ‘only girl in the world’ feeling that you only ever heard of in books.

As he drove, the landscape outside changed from suburban neighborhoods to rolling hills dotted with trees and colorful wildflowers, signaling your departure from the city limits.

“What about you Ani?” You asked, turning in your seat alittle while you held his large hand in your two smaller ones, tracing his knuckles with your thumbs.

“How’s everything at the mechanic’s shop?” You continued. “are you still thinking about applying for that supervisor’s position?”

You were of course referring to his job as a mechanic, he’d used his two year degree in engineering to get him started in his career. His ultimate goal being owning a garage of his own someday.

Anakin smiled, his eyes twinkling with pride. "Well, I got offered the supervisor's position actually."

"I accepted," he added quickly, as if anticipating your reaction. "It starts next month. More responsibility, more money, and more freedom to do what I love most—fixing cars."

He glanced at you briefly before returning his focus back on the road. The sun was beginning to rise higher in the sky, casting warm rays through the windshield that danced across his features, highlighting his natural beauty.

“No way really?” You squealed out of excitement for him, dropping his hand to clap almost involuntarily. “oh Ani! I’m so proud of you!”

You picked up his hand again and laced your fingers with his, leaning across the console to lovingly place a hot, wet kiss on the softness of his neck.

Anakin's hand tightened around yours, squeezing gently in response to your excitement. "Thanks, dollface," he murmured, his voice low and husky.

"You know you're the reason I even accepted it, right?" He teased, reaching over to ruffle your hair playfully. "Without you, I wouldn't have found the motivation."

As he drove further into the countryside, dense forests stretched as far as the eye could see. Finally, your destination came into view—a small cottage nestled amongst the trees, surrounded by a tranquil lake and lush greenery.

“Ani you’re so sappy.” You teased, secretly extremely pleased that he would admit such a vulnerable thing.

“What are we doing here?” You asked in confusion. “it’s so pretty…” Your words trailed off.

Anakin parked the car and turned off the engine, grabbing your bag from the back seat.

"Patience, my love," he said, his voice laced with excitement. Opening the door, he helped you out of the car and led you towards the front door.

"Just wait til you see inside," he teased, unlocking the heavy wooden door and ushering you in.

Inside was a cozy interior, filled with vintage furniture and decorations. A fireplace sat unlit in the living area, but you could just picture it casting warm light across the hardwood floors and exposed wooden beams.

You looked up, seeing a loft with a beautiful iron spiral staircase leading up to it. You assumed that it was a bedroom or perhaps a small lounge room.

“Aw it’s so cute…” You said, doing a slow 360 to really take in your surroundings.

“Are you gonna tell me what we’re doing here now?” You turned to ask Anakin, tucking yourself against his chest as he chuckled.

Anakin wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. "I thought we deserved a little something—just us," he said, revealing a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"We'll explore the place later, but for now, I have something else planned."

With that cryptic statement, he led you to the living area, where the coffee table was set up with a bottle of champagne chilling on ice and two beautiful 70’s style crystal wine glasses. There was a small wooden box beside it the spread, adorned with a bow.

“What’s this?” You asked, head on a swivel as you looked curiously over at Anakin and back at the box. He pulled you down onto the couch with him, a rumble of amusement coming from his chest. Before he poured you both a glass of champagne.

He reached over to gently caress your cheek, his thumb tracing slow circles on your cheekbone. Watching how your eyes looked over that small box, how your fingers twitched with the impatient need to open it up. He knew you were horrible with waiting, he knew it was practically torture for you. His next statement only further confirmed that for you.

"Open it when we're finished with our drinks, alright?" he requested, raising his glass in to his lips.

You grinned at having been caught ogling over that tiny surprise. You cleared your throat before taking a sip of the bubbly drink. It was light and crisp, perfect for the setting.

You chatted, talking about how quaint the cottage was. He told you about the lake you’d seen as you drove in, how it was only a short walk away. How he wanted to take advantage of the secluded area to go skinny dip that night.

“It’s been a real long time since we’ve done that.” You giggled, remembering the last time you’d went skinny dipping. That was the night you’d shared your first acts of intimacy beyond making out with each other.

Anakin laughed, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"I know, I know," he teased, taking another sip of his champagne. "But this time, we'll make it special. I’ll get to take my time with you."

He said, remembering how rushed he’d been. How terrified of getting caught you were. How you both giggled and couldn’t stop smiling. How you blushed anytime you saw him for the next week after… and how that was the night that officially sealed your fate. After that, things were never the same again; you crossed a line that couldn’t be erased, and neither of you cared in the slightest. You were just happy you’d finally admitted the love you shared for each other.

You teased each other, joking around and bantering like it was second nature. It practically was, you’d always been attached at the hip and it only got more intense after deciding to say ‘fuck it’ and reject the title of step-siblings and mold yourselves into something romantic, into a real relationship.

Occasionally you’d glance at the small present box, fingers twitching in anticipation. Your impatience was getting the best of you and Anakin knew it.

“Anakin please!” You complained. “you’re killin’ me. I gotta know what’s in there.”

Anakin chuckled, setting his glass down and taking yours from your hands as well.

"Alright, alright," he conceded, standing up to retrieve the box. "But remember your manners, princess."

He leaned toward the table, then placed the box in your palm. Smiling as he saw you testing the weight of the box.

"Go ahead, open it slowly, alright?"

You hesitated for a moment, unsure if this was just a little tease of his. Finally, you reached out tentatively, steady hands brushing against the loose bow on the box. As you carefully opened it, a wave of anxiety hit your chest.

“Anakin… w-what?” You asked in confusion. “A key?”

You looked up at him, taking in his wide grin and devilish glint in his icey blue eyes.

“Wait… wait no way Ani.” You gasped standing up. “is this? Did you? Is this place ours?” You asked with your voice cracking in surprise as emotion squeezed at your throat.

Anakin nodded, standing up and wrapping his arms around you. His breath was warm against your ear as he whispered.

"Yeah, baby girl, it's ours. I’ve had this place in the works for a while. I got it ready as soon as I could."

He pulled back slightly, his eyes filled with gratitude and love. "I want us to start fresh, just the two of us. No more pretending, no more secrets. From now on, we're together for real."

He leaned in closer, brushing his lips against yours in a soft, lingering kiss. When you finally broke apart, there was a newfound depth in his gaze, a vulnerability that matched yours.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I know our love needs space to grow without the constant pressure of keeping things hidden for the sake of others. I can’t hide you anymore.” He said with a shaky breath.

Anakin's eyes bore into yours, searching for any sign of doubt or hesitation. His hands gripped your waist tightly, holding you close as he spoke.

“The dates where I can’t hold your hand or kiss you even though you look so pretty, so beautiful, so kissable, so deserving of proper attention; it’s torture. Having you so close but not being able to give you the love and affection you deserve, it’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.” He cupped your face in his hands, his eyes held an intense piercing gaze into your own.

He leaned in again, his lips brushing against yours in another passionate kiss, one filled with need and desire. When they finally broke apart, he pulled away just enough to look into your eyes.

"I know marriage isn’t an option for us. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be together." he murmured, running his fingers through your hair. "Just us. No more lies, no more secrets. Just us living our lives together, just like we always wanted."

"I love you," he said softly, his voice softer, smooth with honeyed promises. "I don’t need a stupid piece of paper to prove that, not when I can prove it to you everyday on my own."

“Here, we’re away from everything. An hour from our hometown, close enough to go be with friends and family but far enough that we won’t have to hide. You’re closer to your college now, it’s only 40 minutes to the garage for me. It’s perfect.” He concluded his little speech with a tug at your waist to bring you closer so that he could bury his face in your neck and breathe in the scent of you.

“Anakin…” You sniffled, tears cascading down your flushed cheeks. “I love you. I love you, yes. I- I want this. More than anything.”

Anakin's heart skipped a beat as he felt your body tremble against his, your words hitting him like a ton of bricks. He pulled away slightly, his eyes searching yours, seeking any trace of doubt or hesitation.

"Really?" he asked, his voice cracking with the weight of your response. "You mean it? You really want this?"

He didn't wait for an answer, instead, lifting you off the ground, wrapping your legs around his waist so that your legs were locked around his torso. As he carried you towards the bedroom, his long legged stride fueled by desire and need.

He panted, his lips finding yours in a hungry kiss. "Gods above, I fucking love you."

You sniffled, attacking his neck and throat with hot open mouthed kisses while he pushed the door open with his foot. Giving you a fraction of a second to see that he’d furnished the room and made the bed before he laid you softly onto the new comforter.

Anakin followed suit, falling onto the bed beside you, bodies pressed against each other. He broke the kiss long enough to crawl down your body, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone and down your chest, stopping at your cleavage to slip your shirt off your torso.

"Tell me," he murmured against your skin, his breath tickling the hills of your breast when he’d freed you from the confines of your bra.

His tongue flicking your nipple before he sucked it into his mouth, eliciting a moan from the both of you. "Tell me you mean it."

You squirmed beneath him, arching your back, begging for more of his attention. "I mean it. I want this new life with you."

“Then let’s break in the new bed the way it’s meant to be huh?” He teased in a low voice, his hot breath fanning over your throat as he forced you to wait in between each slow and sensual tongue-filled love bite.

Anakin chuckled against your sensitive skin as he licked down your sternum and up to each hardened peak of your tits. Releasing your nipple with a wet pop. He trailed kisses down your stomach before reaching your pants and unbuttoning them slowly, exposing your lacy black panties.

"I want to taste you," he murmured, his hands hooking into your waistband and lowering your pants and underwear simultaneously. His face hovered over your exposed pussy, his breath heating up your moist folds.

Your body twitched, begging for his touch, but he teased you mercilessly, trailing his tongue around the edge of your entrance before finally diving inside, flicking your clit with his tongue while his fingers teased your tight hole.

Ohhh…” You breathed out in bliss, keeping your hips as still as possible. Knowing he preferred for you to trust him to make you cum. He was always telling you that eating pussy is a privilege and that he’s going to make sure he earns it everytime. “Mmm Anakin, that’s s-so good.”

Anakin groaned, his tongue delving deeper into your wetness, seeking out every hidden crevice of your body. His hand reached between your legs, massaging your sensitive spot before his thumb pulled just above your clit, exposing it for the flat of his tongue to lave. Passing back and forth over it slowly, increasing the pressure until you were on the brink of orgasm.

His tongue slowed down, flicking your sensitive folds before retreating to your leaking hole, teasingly circling it before dipping inside, probing and stretching you with the delicate strokes of his tongue.

With each moan and whimper that escaped your lips, he knew he was getting closer to claiming what was rightfully his—your cum.

“Anakin,” you moaned in a way that felt like it originated from your soul. Anakin’s eyes fluttering as he hummed in response to your pleasured noises.

“Faster please I’m so close.” You whined, bucking your hips.

He didn’t verbally respond, he just smacked your thigh to make you stop wriggling and shook his head. He wasn’t planning on speeding up.

No- not at all.

He slurped at your clit louder than necessary before sucking it into his mouth to provide suctioned pressure as he continued to massage the sensitive nub with the flat of his tongue. His fingers keeping their steady and firm snail’s pace to rub circles into your spongy front wall.

It was a combination of all of it, the added sensuality of the act and the lewd noises that tipped you over the edge. He coaxed the bubbling orgasm into a rolling boil that had your back arching and your juices coating his face.

Anakin groaned, his own cock throbbing against the mattress. Savoring the taste of you on his lips and tongue. After a few moments of post-orgasmic bliss, he finally pulled away, his face messy and his eyes glazed over.

He stood up straight again, towering over you with an expression of adoration, worship. Like he’d discovered a goddess fallen from the heavens sent just for him.

"Feel good huh baby?" he panted, his voice hoarse from his efforts. "Never seen you so speechless."

His eyes gleamed with power and satisfaction in equal parts.

He brought his palm to his mouth while tugging his boxers down, wiping the mixture of salvia and slick from his skin. Using the fluids to lube up his hard, veiny cock.

He nudged his cockhead against your wet hole, testing its readiness and indulging in the satisfying warmth against his sensitive tip.

“Just relax doll, I’ve got you.” He murmured, resting his weight above you on his forearms that he slid beneath your upper back, one large palm cradled your skull while the other gently squeezed your shoulder in a possessive grip.

Anakin lined up his swollen member at your entrance, teasing you with the head of his cock as it pushed barely past your sensitive folds. He waited for your body to adjust to him, his hips rocking back and forth, pushing just in just enough to make you writhe in anticipation.

"You're so tight, baby girl," he groaned, unable to control himself any longer. With a single thrust, he plunged into you, filling every inch of your tightness. You let out a sharp yelp of pleasure mixed with pain that he loved hearing.

“Relax. Open up f’me.” He soothed with loving kisses, moans swallowed by his eager mouth. He pushed past your lips gently trading the flavors of your cum with that of your tongue.

“Gonna make love to you right.” He promised in the most seductive tone he could muster. “slow and deep.”

“Gods Anakin…” You whispered, bringing your knees up higher and spreading your legs a bit further to accommodate him properly and get comfortable with the feeling of being so full.

“Yes.” You whined, mouth hanging open in a silent moan as you felt every ridge, throb and twitch of his heavy cock. “you’re so deep Ani.”

Anakin grabbed your legs, holding them in place for you as he began to move in and out of you slowly, savoring the sound of your moans escaping your throat. Each thrust was deliberate and powerful, filling every crevice of your pussy with his length.

"Pretty girl," he groaned. "Y’keep squeezing me so tight. Let go for me doll, you can do it."

Catching his breath between each thrust, he continued to praise your body, telling you how much he loved feeling connected to you in this way.

“That’s my girl, just like that.” He nodded, looking down at you with pride written in the corners of his crooked smile. “Perfect. Good job darlin’ there we go.”

“M’gonna… gonna cum.” You mumbled against his lips, feeling the vibration of his deep groan as his response.

“Yeah you are, aren’t you babydoll?” He growled, eyes burning your blissful face into his memory for ever. “Almost there darlin’ I can feel it coming.”

“Uh huh.” You nodded in agreement, stomach clenching as the tightly wound coil finally burst and allowed your body to feel a heavenly warmth as your flesh pricked with goosebumps.

Anakin groaned, his thrusts becoming more sloppy as he felt your climax flood out around him.

"Oh god, I’m right there.” He mumbled, his sweaty forehead resting on yours, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.

With one final stroke, he buried himself to the hilt inside you, holding you tight as his cock throbbed violently within your depths. A hot, thick stream of cum shot out of him, painting your insides with his seed. It was like fireworks as your bodies shook with shared ecstasy. His orgasm lasted long enough for him to pull out slightly, then plunging back in again, claiming every inch of you before collapsing on top of you, spent but satisfied.

“Mmmm Anakin.” You moaned softly. “Gods, I think you’ve ruined me.” You laughed quietly, a tear or two escaping your eyes from the intensity.

Anakin chuckled, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he caught his breath.

"That's what I aim for," he panted, his voice raspy. "Never gonna let you forget how good it feels to be mine."

He rolled over onto his side, pulling you close against him, spooning your body against his, his arm wrapping around your waist protectively. "Rest now doll. You’ll need it.”

“I’ve got you all alone for the first time in a while. You’re not leaving this bed till I’ve made sure my little princess has been fucked stupid." he whispered into your ear, his lips brushing against your temple in a gentle kiss.

Tag-List:

@wickedtactics @tsugumiholic @kingdomhate

@burnthecheshirewitch @cherrylooney @star611

@tahliac11 @exquisit?corpse @jeldog @arzua10

@bby-imasociopath @depressed-kay

@aliciaasky @naty-1001 @mrsmikaelsxn

@illiethefairy @slut-4-ani @offthethirlwall

@slutforhayden @ausskywalker @angelsadmired

@slut4starwarssmut @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie

@starkiller419 @hearts4mitski4 @no1klet @lethargic

@allhailbuckybarnes @shadowhuntyi

@bobtheturmpetman29 @mortalheartache

@fallinlovewithevil @sythethecarrot

@joshfutturmansrighthand @chaoticantihero

@vadersslut @luvvfromme

#star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin x you #star wars #sw anakin #darth vader #darth vader smut #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x reader smut #anakin skywalker fanfiction #skywalker family #darth vader x you #darth vader x reader #star wars x reader #star wars fanfiction

[bamsara]

Hey! I thought your talk on stream about your go-bag and what's in it was interesting, but I process text better than audio, so I was wondering if you had advice on putting one together? It's fine if you'd rather not! Thanks either way!

Okay! Note that some of these things are gearing up in prep for sudden homelessness or natural disaster (tornados, personally) but some are just generally good things on hand you might need to keep. Also, some tips involve a car, skip those if they dont apply.

You're going to want a backpack or duffle bag with comfortable enough straps that are thick and sturdy enough to hold the weight of everything you are carrying while also keeping you balanced. I got my blue one at a charity give away for students in poverty, those heavy duty school bags for textbooks, but you can thrift the same bags for around $5-$10, at least in my area.

What I have in the front pockets, in smaller ziplock bags:

Ziplock bag of first aid supplies (bandaids, gauze, sterile wipes, ect)

Small hand sanitizer, bottle or wipes.

Baby wipes, water based.

Matches

Small travel deoderant, small travel shampoo, travel hairbrush, and the bare minimal needed for a 'freshed up look' of make up like concealer, mascera, and face wash. Good for spucing up for job interviews if you end up in a situation where you're living out of your car, and can't acsess a full bathroom.

Menustration products. Pack SEVERAL if you are someone who bleeds, or a few if you just want some on hand just in case for someone else you are with.

Mouthwash, toothbrush and toothpaste. If you don't have enough room, opt for mouthwash/toothpaste combo, and just rub it on your teeth.

Self-protection, dependant on what you prefer. I keep pepper spray and a tazor in the car at all times, and in the bag if not out in the console.

Pocket knife and scissors. You never know when you might need to cut something.

If you can get some and they fit in the bag: Gloves meant for gardening. Thick enough to protect you if you go dumpster diving. I have a list of tips of safe and legal dumpster diving here.

What I keep in the main pocket of the bag:

A large gallon ziplock baggy with emergency clothes in it, consisting of: Pants, short sleeve T-shirt, and 3 pairs of underwear/socks. If you can fit it, slip a long-sleeve shirt in there as well. Keep a 'nice shirt' like a button up or something 'nice casual' in there for job interviews.

You're going to want a jacket in your go-bag, but since they can be bulky, it might be best to just leave one in your car. Also good for when you're out somewhere and just get cold suddenly.

RAIN! I have a small one-person umbrella in the side pocket of my bag, and a yellow poncho from walmart in main pocket. I recommend having both, but its fine if you just can fit one.

A bag of COMFY clothes, aside from the intial emergency clothes. For me, I call it the pajamma bag, which just has a pair of sweatpants, T-shirt and fuzzy socks.

FOOD AND WATER. I keep ziplock baggies of non-perishable food in the bag like: granola bars, slim jims, fruit gummies, cans of preserved fruit, ect. You need to pack at least 2 bottles of water. I think I freaked out Twitch stream a little bit when I pulled out 6 bottles of water out of the bag, but I'm telling you: the more water you can carry, the better.

The 'entertainment satchel', which is basically anything that you can do that doesn't require electricity like your phone does that can keep you busy. For me, it's a ziplock bag of a journal/sketchbook with some colored pens. This can be a small book or something.

A sewing kit. One of those travel ones, the tiny tin ones. Comes in handy plenty of times.

A water-tight folder/baggie that will protect legal documents for you. You probably wont keep them in the car, but if you can grab them on your way out, keep them safe in something they can't get damaged in.

A portable battery, a cord for charging your phone and extra wall thingie to plug it into. You can get a decent battery for around 20 bucks on amazon, and your car and public spaces like a library can let you charge your phone.

PETS! If you have a pet with you, PLEASE pack the things needed for them ahead of time in your go-bag. Doggy bags and treats and food and the like. I'm a cat person, so I keep three ziplock baggies: one with treats, a large one with food, and one with cat litter in it. You can usually grab a cardboard box by a dumpster for a make-shift litterbox if need be.

Depending on who you talk to, money may or may not be a smart thing to keep in your bag, but I say keep at least $50 of cash in there for absolute emergencies, if you can afford to store it.

An extra pair of shoes. If they don't fit in the bag, you can store them in the car, or tie them to hang off the bag if you really need them.

Also, not really go-bag related, but I suggest keeping a blanket in your car. If you don't have a car, they make blankets with straps that you can attatch to your backpack, or you can take a long sock or piece of fabric, wrap it around a rolled up blanket, and tie it to your bag. It might not look aesthetic, but it'll be worth it to have it.

Change out the items in your bag every couple months, usually as it starts to get colder or hotter. Currently I'm changing out my stuff from summer items to winter items, like warmer clothes and what not, so I had the bag already near me to show twitch chat. Thanks for everyone that came by Twitch chat and talked by the way, it was fun!

#sara shush #go-bag #go bag tips

[corroded-hellfire]

Top This - Eddie Munson x Reader

Note: Happy Easter! I only had a flash from this story come to me just this morning so it’s been written in a few hours and might have more mistakes than usual, my apologies. Many many thanks to @inourtownofhawkins and @munson-blurbs for all their help 💕 I hope you enjoy!

Summary: As a kid, Eddie never did an Easter egg hunt. As his wife, you’re determined to give him the best one he could’ve ever dreamt of.

Words: 2k

Weekends are Eddie’s favorite days because it means he gets to stay in bed with you longer. He can snuggle up to you, wrap you up in his arms, or even get a little frisky once he’s more awake. But this particular Sunday, when Eddie rolls over and reaches for the familiar warmth of your body next to him, it’s not there. He frowns and opens his eyes, blinking them a few times when your side of the bed is empty.

“Babe?” Eddie calls.

“In the kitchen!” you respond.

With an overdramatic groan, Eddie pushes himself out of bed and rubs at his eyes with the heels of his hands. He’s mumbling under his breath about how it’s Sunday and you should still be in bed with him as he shuffles into the kitchen. It’s impossible for you not to smile as you see his sleepy form walk in, plaid pajama pants hung low on his hips and a bare, pale chest.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” you greet him, slipping your arms around his waist. “And Happy Easter.”

“Oh, s’right, it’s Easter.” Eddie presses a kiss to your forehead. “Happy Easter, baby.”

“Now,” you say, rubbing your hands up and down your husband’s sides. “You know how you told me that you never did an Easter egg hunt as a kid?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at you as he slowly nods. “Yeah…”

“Well, you’ve got one to do now,” you say with a proud smile.

“Baby,” Eddie says with a chuckle. “I didn’t tell you that so you’d—”

You press your lips against his to shut him up. “Everyone deserves an Easter egg hunt. I don’t care how old you are, mister.”

“Fine, fine.” Eddie tries to sound annoyed but the shy smile breaking on his face tells a different story. “How many eggs are there?”

“Eight,” you tell him. “All somewhere in the apartment.”

“Hmm,” Eddie hums as he strolls into the middle of the living room. The first egg is easy to spot; it’s tucked into the corner of the couch. Your husband plucks it from its spot and opens the blue plastic pod. He grins at the chocolate and peanut butter egg inside. “My favorite.”

“I know,” you say. “All of them are filled with things I think you’re gonna like.”

He gets on his hands and knees to look underneath the couch and coffee table, but comes up short on both accounts. Poking his tongue out as he thinks, Eddie pushes himself back up to his feet and walks over towards the window. Pulling back the green curtain reveals an egg that is a lighter shade of green. Smirking triumphantly, he pops it open. A small plastic baggie of new guitar picks falls into his hand and he lets out a chuckle.

“Huh, I wonder how the Easter bunny knew I needed these,” he muses. You give him an innocent shrug, and he throws you a wink as he tosses the bag of picks onto the couch with the first item. Eddie quickly finds the third egg, a pink one, hiding right behind the television. The new lighter inside gets instantly slipped into the pocket of his pajama pants as he continues his search. The next egg is hidden on a shelf, behind your wedding photo. Inside, the purple egg contains a keychain that has a picture of the two of you—the first picture you took together. The grin that breaks out onto Eddie’s face has your stomach doing somersaults.

“Don’t think you can top this one,” he says as he slips the keyring over his finger.

Eddie laughs as he stumbles upon the next one, a red egg tucked into one of his boots sitting next to the front door. The laugh turns into a groan as he opens it and pulls out a pair of black lacy panties.

“Thought those would look cute on you,” you joke. Eddie gives you a salacious smirk as he slingshots the underwear in your direction.

“I’d look hot as hell,” he says. “But not as hot as you.”

“Five down, three to go,” you say, referring to the hidden eggs. “They’re not all in here, you know.”

“Okay, okay,” Eddie says, eyes scanning every inch of space as he walks towards the kitchen. But his eyes snag on his guitar propped up in its stand in the corner. Beyond the deep red of its body, there’s a flash of orange as an egg sticks out from behind it. “Aha.”

Inside, there’s a small bag of skittles that has Eddie cheering. The white plastic egg is more difficult for him to find, but he finally notices it in the empty coffee carafe. The shining set of silver dice has Eddie’s eyes widening as he inspects them from every angle.

“Can I get the color of the last egg?” Eddie asks after he’s done a once over of the kitchen and comes up empty. “Is it in the bathroom? Our room?”

“Nope, it’s out here. And it’s yellow,” you say, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs.

“Huh,” Eddie huffs as he paces the kitchen. He feels like he’s looked at every surface area within this open space of your apartment.

“Do you need a hint?” you ask as you watch your husband, a bemused expression on your face.

“No, no, I’ll get it,” he answers, stubborn as ever. Resigning to watch him drive himself crazy, you lean back in your seat and cross your arms over your chest. It’s hard to hold in your laughter as you see him walk by the eighth egg again and again.

“Ugh. Okay, fine, I want a hint,” Eddie grumbles as he becomes more frustrated. He plants his hands on his hips and looks around the counters.

“It’s blending in,” you tell him. Your husband turns towards you and his brow pinches in confusion.

“The hell does that mean?”

“It’s a yellow egg. And it’s blending in. Look for something yellow.”

“What the fuck is yellow in—oh!” His head whips around to the fruit bowl that has a bunch of ripe bananas in it. Right on top is the illusive yellow egg. He pops it open and two silver items fall out into his palm. One is a curb chain, similar to the ones he wears around his neck, but different enough that it’s not a duplicate. The second object is a shining ring that looks like bat wings are wrapped around whatever finger he slips it on. Eddie smiles down at the pieces of jewelry as he walks over to the kitchen table.

“Babe, these are great. Everything is,” he says.

You stand up and wrap your arms around his neck. “Did you have fun on your first Easter egg hunt?”

“I did,” Eddie says as he places his hands on your hips. “Thank you, sweetheart. This was very thoughtful.”

Pleased with yourself, you lean up and press a few kisses against his lips. Letting out a hum, you pull back and look up at your husband with the most innocent eyes you can manage.

“Oh, I forgot. There’s actually one more egg.”

Eddie huffs a laugh and tugs your body up against his. “You being forgetful or sneaky, huh?”

“This one is a golden egg,” you say, avoiding his question. “And it’s more hidden, so we can play hot or cold if you want.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, reluctantly dropping his arms from around you. “Am I warm or cold right now?”

“Mm, warm,” you decide. He takes a step backward, more into the kitchen. “Warmer.”

“So, it’s in the kitchen,” Eddie muses as he traipses his way towards the fridge.

“Getting hotter!”

“Is it in the fridge?” he asks as he pulls open the door.

“Colder.”

“Okay.” Eddie closes the refrigerator door and backs up a few steps.

“On fire!”

He comes to a halt and turns so he’s facing the stove. “Is it in the oven?” When you don’t answer, he looks back at you. At the unhelpful shrug of your shoulders, Eddie opens the oven to come face to face with the golden egg. “There ya are. Now, what’s so special about you?” His left hand reaches in, wedding ring glinting off the light in the back of the oven, and grabs the last prize. Strolling back over to the table, Eddie pops open the egg, and you feel your stomach erupting in a flurry of excitement.

There’s a piece of paper rolled around some type of stick. Eddie’s brow furrows in confusion as he unravels the paper. Once it’s opened flat, he stares at it for a moment before it registers what he’s looking at. The black background with the white and gray lines, numbers and letters that don’t make a whole lot of sense to him on the edges of the paper—but he recognizes your name in the top left corner. But the little white bean shape in the middle of the paper is what steals his breath. Suddenly, he remembers the stick that was also in the egg. He scrambles to look at it and is staring at two pink lines on the front of a white pregnancy test. Eddie’s jaw drops open as his eyes dart back and forth from the positive pregnancy test to the ultrasound photo.

“Y-You’re…” Eddie stutters out, unable to get out anything else as he raises his eyes to look at you. The tears you see there get you all choked up as well—as if you hadn’t been emotional enough.

“Yeah,” you say with a breathy chuckle. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

“Holy shit.” Eddie sets the contents of the bonus egg down on the table and pulls you into his arms, immediately attaching his lips to yours. You can feel tears on your face, but when you open your eyes, you’re not sure if they’re yours or your husband’s. Bringing your thumbs up to wipe at his cheeks, you let out a soft giggle.

“Still think I couldn’t top that keychain?” you tease. Eddie laughs and presses his lips to yours again. When he pulls back, his hands roam down to your stomach, where he rubs gently over your pajamas.

“I can’t believe our baby is in there,” he says in awe. His eyes dart back up to yours. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you, too.”

“M’gonna be a dad,” Eddie says in pure glee.

“Best Easter ever?” you ask.

“Not sure how you can top it.”

But again, he’s wrong.

Four years later, you sit on the back patio of Steve and Nancy’s house, Nancy in the chair next to you, and Steve out on the grass with their five-year-old daughter and two-year-old son. On the opposite side of the yard, Eddie is crouched down near the small garden, your three-year-old daughter searching for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden. Or rather, you and Nancy had hidden a few hours ago, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

“Got one!” you hear Annie call. Eddie’s face lights up in delight as your daughter reaches into the foliage and pulls out a blue egg with yellow dots.

“Look at that!” Eddie coos, pure adoration in his eyes. “You got another one.”

The scene of him in his black jeans and a black leather jacket, squatting down in a garden full of colorful blooms with bright green stems, and your little girl in a pale pink Easter dress, makes you chuckle. But there’s nothing brighter in the whole yard than the look on Eddie’s face. Love is radiating off of him as Annie places the egg in her magenta wicker basket and gets right back to searching for the next one.

“Think he’s having a good Easter?”

You look at Nancy to see her nodding her head at Eddie. Grinning, you look back to your husband as well.

“Not sure if he can top this one.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fan fiction

[yxami]

Wanted to write about an obsessive incubus so why not. I think I’ll write abt him more he’s cool.

GN reader, obsessive incubus idk

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Akira was a popular fellow, always being tagged along by photographers and snuck into your store trying to hide from them. He was popular because he was so captivating, his modeling career was at its peak and it’s been like that for a good time now. The two of you met a month ago when he ran into your shop trying to hide from photographers just like now.

He did love being admired but sometimes he didn’t feel like standing in the heat talking to people who could snap unattractive photos of him. He was very serious about his image. He was nice and charming to everyone. With you, he was the same and slightly more comfortable with you.

The both of you happen to run in a few times with his little escape from the press. He would always come in with an apologetic smile and do the usual routine of hiding behind you or in the break room. He was lucky you owned the shop or else he would’ve been kicked out like any other person. He usually didn’t get any special treatment from you even if he was an idol. And a model with the modeling gigs he did.

Another day of him coming in, this time he wasn’t being chased down by paparazzi. “Hey! Look I made it without being chased by running cameras” He gave you a toothy grin, his two fangs popping out. You always found them cool looking.

“Good job, maybe you’ll find somewhere else to run in instead of my store. You’re lucky I’m closed right now. I was thinking about locking the door but I didn’t end up doing it.”

“Aw, good thing you didn’t. Can you make me a coffee pretty please?” His eyes having a begging look to them, trying to convince you.

You rolled your eyes at his attempt and made his regular sweet coffee. You caught a glimpse of his outfit and thought it looked cute. He saw you glance upon his outfit and took it as an opportunity to show you.

“Do ya like It? I got it in a new fashion store downtown, it’s so cute right?” He looked at you waiting for your approval that you were unaware he so desperately needed.

If you found the outfit ugly he would’ve taken it off and thrown it away as soon as he got home. Didn’t matter how much it cost, he just wanted you to like it.

“Looks cute, I like the baggy look on you.” You complimented. You took the mug that was now filled with coffee. The strong aroma of coffee beans hit the both of your noses.

He was relieved you liked it. It was always hard finding out what type of guy you liked. You never really talked about your type.

You poured in his coffee creamer and decided to make a complimentary heart with it. You knew he was practically gonna burst when he saw it which you thought was funny whenever you gave him things.

You handed it to him over the counter and his eyes dilated so much you thought they looked like two pieces of boba shaped hearts rather than a set of human eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh and he looked up at you embarrassed.

“Thanks, I really like it” He sort of muttered. He took a sip and he had cream right above his lips. You leaned over the counter and signaled him to come close. He set his coffee down and was expecting you to whisper something in his ear.

You wiped it away with your thumb. You thought above teasing him another way as well but decided not to, seeing his red ears.

“thanks” He said nervously. You touched him. He’s not even sure why he’s so tense, or why his heart seems to be beating at an unhealthy rate. His shaky hands brought the white mug to his lips and sipped more of the delicious coffee you made.

He’s bewildered on why he can’t handle your touch. He’s acting like virgin touching a girl for the first time. He almost let his horns and tail appear because he was caught off guard. It’s like he can’t be around you without embarrassing himself. You seemed to find it funny so he was happy.

“So, what are you getting chased about this time? Another model scandal? Or is it perhaps about another song of yours?” You said while going to the front of the store to pull the blinds down and lock the door now that you had the time.

“Uhm.. it’s just about a song I just released. Have you heard it yet?” He cracked a nervous smile at you.

“Ah! no …” You were about to say you did but you recalled you hadn’t because you were too busy with the shop which is what you said. You decided on sitting down in front of him.

“That’s okay! You don’t have to listen to my stupid songs” He seemed to beat himself about the fact he wasn’t good enough for you to make time in your day to listen to him.

“I’ll listen to it when I get home! I promise” You put out your pinkie for his as well. He cheers up and let’s out a giggle before interlocking his pinkie with yours.

“Thanks, I appreciate it” He flashes an endearing smile before getting up.

“Well, I have to go, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah! I’ll be open longer in the night so feel free to pop in”

“I’ll do my best!” He dramatically salutes you like a solider before unlocking and opening the door to see a bunch of flashing lights in his face.

Shit

He slams the glass door immediately.

You thought he was going to break it with the brute force he used. You groaned getting up and locking the door. You weren’t scared to come up to the window because you had already set the blinds down so you didn’t have to worry about a stupid scandal.

You signal him to go to the back room where regular employees were supposed to be. You decided on indulging in his little career of hiding from paparazzi today. Just because you were feeling nice.

He sat down in your office chair that was sat in-front of paper work that you had to do soon. It seemed like the both of you were gonna be there for awhile so you decided to work on those papers.

You sat down on his lap and took a pen out from the drawer, obviously getting ready to finish paper work.

Akira was dumb struck at the fact that YOU were sitting in HIS lap??! He must’ve been blessed by all the gods in the universe.

Why did you randomly sit on his lap? You could’ve asked him to move? Did you like him? His inner thoughts kept running as if they were a little hamster in a wheel.

In reality, there was no other chairs for him to sit on nor you since he decided on taking your chair. So you just sat on his lap, sure it wasn’t appropriate but who cares.

Cameras were off and you controlled them anyways. Plus, it’s not like he was an employee of yours , he was just a friend!

If Akira was a regular person, he would’ve lasted longer, but this was an infatuated incubus we’re talking about. His horns and tail appeared as soon as your thighs touched his and when his realization kicked in, so did his hormones.

What was he supposed to do? His tail wagging at a speed that only a car could go; it kept poking at your waist on accident. You got annoyed of this quickly and grabbed it.

“Can you stop poking at my waist, what do you want?” You looked at the hand that was definitely not a hand, what the fuck was that?

Instead of a hand, it was a tail? Shaped like a heart at the end with a slender base. You shifted yourself and saw his horns and heart shaped eyes. What the hell were you sitting on cause he was NOT a human.

Instead of freaking out and running away. You just kinda looked at him with a confused and annoyed face.

“W-waitwaitwait I know this looks fucking weird but I swear I’m not satan or anything. I’m a…”

“A… what?” You stared more intensely than before. You could tell it made him even more nervous, bulge under you even throbbing more than before.

“A incubus! I’m an incubus!” He quickly said.

“Yeah…. Okay” You squinted, basically glaring with suspicion. You reached and grabbed your phone.

“Mkay, nine.. one.. one..” you whispered.

“Hey hey hey!!! Are you trying to get me arrested or something???” he snatched the phone away from you, pouting.

“Yeah, im putting you in a mental asylum because you’re going crazy, you think you’re some type of demon.”

“I’m a real demon! Don’t you see my horns and tail?” He directed at them, in disbelief that you did not believe him one bit.

You tugged on his tail which earned you a loud moan in the ear. Along with another throb onto the compressed bulge that was being sandwiched in between your thighs. Somehow??? The zipper had unzipped and his boxers could hardly contain the cock that so desperately begged to be let out. You felt like that had to with his interference.

“So it’s actually attached to you?” Still ignoring the raging hard on. You’d discuss about it after the incubus shit.

“yeah! I told you” He practically whimpered his answer; rubbing the part of his tail that you had yanked without thought.

“Sorry, I just wanted to actually see if you were fucking with me or not”

“It’s whatever, It’s a shitty time to find out anyways. I was gonna tell you when I decided it was right” Akira fiddled with his fingers, clearly nervous.

“So, now that we’re done with the incubus talk, never thought I’d say that, what the hell is with unmentioned bulge that’s poking in between my legs???” You point and the horrified embarrassed face he shows, makes you believe he had no clue at all. If he did, he wouldn’t have so sheepishly press it back into his pants, zipping it up as well.

You were unsure about this whole situation, you hadn’t even believe in those sort of demons, but you decided to try and be calm of everything. You didn’t want to be rude after all, he was a friend.

You got off his lap and walked to the front of the store. You moved a blind to see if any paparazzi were still there.

He was very saddened to feel the warm presence of your body leaving quickly after everything was spoken about. He wished you had stayed even a little bit longer.

“It’s clear, are you ready to go?” You yelled at him from across the store. He got up, meeting up with you at the door and looked like he didn’t wanted to leave.

“Yeah.. I suppose” he sighed.

“What? Do you want me to keep you in my store forever?”

“Yeah! You’ll really let me stay??” His tail wagging at the same pace his excited tone showed.

“No”

“Awh..”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

#incubus #obsession #gn reader #yandere #idk man #pls request #yandere x you #feeling spicy #a lil treat #male model #male idols #akiramyoc

[stxrshxpxd]

"i'm not your trophy" || uni damon

pairing: 90s/uni damon albarn x reader

word count: 1.008

warnings: smutish

prompt: damon and reader have known each other forever but never got along. at last they have ended up in bed together.

* * *

Three loud knocks shook my brain awake. One thin stripe of sunlight nearly blinded me as I tried to open my eyes, and a thicker one was drenching my bare shoulder in warmth.

“Yeees,” I grumbled into my pillow and an arm suddenly moved from on top of me to lay next to my face. Shit. Every little detail of last night flashed before my shut eyes in an instant. I moved my head from the sunlight and tried again to open my aching eyes.

“It’s nearly 10! Do you want breakfast or not?” my best friend Cassie shouted rhetorically through the door. Two more knocks and I propped myself up on my elbows, my breasts nearly exposed to Damon next to me. He too had opened his eyes and was glancing at me smugly. I shifted slightly under the covers and came to the conclusion that I was fully nude.

“Stay here.”

“I want breakfast!” he introjected way too loudly. I hushed him immediately but Cassie was already giggling on the other side of the door.

“Is that Damon?”

“Fuck me,” I muttered and shoved my face into my pillow again. “Don’t!” I said and lifted my head again, stopping Damon’s inevitable comment.

“Come onnnn,” Cassie shouted between giggles and she knocked again.

His palm pressed against my rib cage and his lips refused to leave mine, shoving me into my dormitory back first. The sharp corner of my desk pierced into the side of my hip suddenly, but all I could do was laugh into Damon’s mouth. The last two shots had ensured my pain receptors were completely out of order for the next hour or so.

I spotted the bruise in passing as I shimmied past my full body mirror to my left, my duvet draped very poorly over my body. I rummaged through my underwear drawer desperately and managed to slide a pair on, just as I noticed my t-shirt from last night that hung off the top of my dresser.

Damon’s fingers tugged on the stretchy fabric and pulled my t-shirt over my head swiftly, only leaving my lips for a second. He tossed it across my small room somewhere behind him and seconds later I was on my back with my cool pillow against my neck. His hand had already found the button of my jeans.

“Don’t break tradition!” Damon protested and threw his own t-shirt at me. I looked down at the grey shirt by my feet and remembered all the girls that had paraded around in his baggy shirts and smug smiles all around the refectory during breakfast.

“I’m not your trophy,” I stated and slipped my own shirt on instead. It was closely followed by pulling my jeans on as well.

“Okay. Maybe I’m your trophy.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, and then Cassie banged on the door again.

“If I tell you it’s boring news you fucked Damon, will you come out? They’ll seriously close the kitchen in 5 minutes.”

“Oh, shout it a bit louder, would you?!”

”Can we- Can you-” I stammered and failed to finish my sentence, as I watched him squeeze into an oversized top of mine. It fit him tightly over the chest and the deep cut of the neck left his collar bones exposed.

I was sat on top of him, my knees digging into my soft mattress on either side of his bony hips. My lips were attached to his left collar bone and his soft pleased grunts fell into my tangled hair as I sucked a bruise into his skin.

I stared at the dark red spot for a second too long, while Damon slipped into his blue jeans again.

“Sorry, you have a few of those too,” he grinned. He wasn’t really sorry. I spun around to study the visible parts of my body and found two large hickeys down the side of my neck.

“I feel about 15,” I muttered and rolled my eyes as I turned back around.

“I feel hungry.”

Damon made a quick decision and dragged me with him, firmly gripping my wrist, and unlocked the door. On the other side of it stood Cassie with a massive smile and a giggle on its way out.

“This didn’t happen,” I stated and waved my hand around in the air between me and Damon.

“I think Damon’s been wanting this since year one, have you not?” Cassie laughed, stepping into possibly risky territory. Cassie didn’t know Damon very well, apart from having been dragged into multiple drunken arguments between the two of us. Damon and I had grown up together, always known each other but never gotten on. It wasn’t until we began going to the same parties, especially the uni ones, that we really began talking to one another. And those talks were always heated discussions to say the least.

“Been wanting this since I was twelve,” Damon singsonged jokingly and Cassie and him giggled in unison.

“Been wanting this since I was twelve,” he had drunkenly breathed into my ear, while his one hand clasped my two wrists, pinning them down above my head. Not a single giggle could be heard.

We paraded into the half full refectory and gained a few looks. I saw the whispers but couldn’t hear them over the rest of the loud rumbling of conversation.

I slid away to an empty table nearby and sank down with a heavy sigh. The hangover was catching up with me. Cassie gave me a questioning look and Damon copied it.

“I’m not hungry,” I said with a steady voice.

“I fed you enough last night, huh?” Damon said with an intentionally loud voice and some of the other voices died down around the room as a reaction. The silliness of the purple low cut top hugging his torso teamed with his smug grin made me exhale another deep sigh and roll my eyes.

“Plenty,” I settled and nodded my head reluctantly as I sank down further in my seat.

#i don't have the energy to proof read this one last time istg i hope its good and makes sense #graham coxon #blur #alex james #dave rowntree #damon albarn #90s #britpop #smut #fluff #angst #y/n #au #fic #imagine #damon albarn x reader

[fandomohana]

Mental Storms {A 1986 WBTY Fic}

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Plus Size Reader, Eddie Munson x Plus Size Henderson Sister Reader

Rating: Mature for mild nudity, and talk of mental health.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.5K

Summary: Reader is in a dark place mentally, and calls on Eddie for comfort.

Author’s Note: So my mental health is in the toilet, and last night I wrote what I needed.

This fic is a oneshot based in the 1986 Will Be Their Year, universe. It’s set after graduation, but can be read as a stand alone. Reader is 18. This is incredibly self indulgent, as the whole series is, if I’m being honest. I think that’s all. I’m tagging my series list, cause it’s all in the same world. Interact if you’d like, my mental health could use the boost, but I doubt this will go very far. Onto the oneshot.

Second Author's Note: The shows and movies are actually some of my favorites, I'm an '89 baby, and the fries part is exactly what was going on last night, while I wrote this.

Eddie Munson Masterlist

The sound of bells rattled through the trailer, penetrating the sleeping form sprawled across the mattress. Bleary brown eyes began to blink open, registering the sound of the phone sitting on the table by the bed. Reaching over, a ringed hand shuffles across the top of the table, pushing off notebooks, and a few empty beer cans, before finding purchase on the phone, a quick, “Shit.” coming from the prone form.

Eddie pulled the receiver off the cradle, bringing the phone to his ear, letting out a groggy, “Hello?” He glanced at the clock, he had been asleep an hour, dressed in the baggy sweat pants he had thrown on after his shower.

“Eds?” It was a quiet voice, a voice he knew like his own, and she sounded broken, on the verge of tears.

All sleep was forgotten as he bolted up in bed, panic making his heart drum against his chest. “Y/N? Baby, what’s wrong?”

“It’s getting dark again, Eddie...” Came her soft reply, voice starting to crack.

Eddie knew immediately what was happening, and what she needed. He was up in a shot, phone wedged between his shoulder, and head, as he began dressing.

“Your place or mine?” Came his calm response, they had been through this a few times by now.

“Yours, I don’t want to have to explain to my mom.” She sounded so small, scared, his heart was breaking for her.

Eddie was already pulling his jacket on, and cramming his feet into his Reeboks, not bothering to untie them, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He responded, grabbing his keys before launching out the door.

The van roared to life, dirt and small bits of gravel flying out from beneath the tires, as Eddie peeled out of the trailer park. Cramming her mix tape into the player, he raced toward the Henderson house, toward his Princess.

--------------------

At least once a week, Eddie and Y/N’s schedules led to what they called, heavy days. These days were marked with long hours at work for the pair, and extra schoolwork for Y/N. They were days that the couple had decided to not see one another, long hours, hectic schedules, it was easier to simply take the night off.

But Eddie knew what she meant when she told him it was getting dark, his Princess struggled with depression, and anxiety. When the darkness rolled in, if they were apart, she would call Eddie, and the two would either stay in her room, or go to the trailer; somewhere safe for her, where he could take care of her.

As the van wound its way up the driveway, headlights illuminated a figure on the porch, perched on the edge of the patio couch. Throwing the van into park, and racing out the door, Eddie made his way up to the porch, walking over to Y/N, who looked up at his approach.

She looked so tired, her beautiful eyes were full of pain, and unshed tears. Eddie squatted down in front of her, taking her soft hands in his, and looking into her eyes as he asks calmly, “Did you tell Dustin?”

Her mother wasn’t home, he knew that, she had gone out for a night with some neighborhood friends, but they still needed Dustin to cover for her absence. No sooner had the question left his lips, before Dustin appeared in the doorway, “I’ve got her covered, I’ll tell Mom she went to stay with Robin.”

“Thanks, man.” Turning back to Y/N, Eddie asked if she was ready, and when she nodded, he took her hands again, and helped her to her feet.

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Eddie pulled Y/N closer to his side, running his fingers up and down her arm, trying to soothe her loud mind. He opened her door, helping her into the seat as Somebody to Love drifted from the speakers, before closing the door again.

Once he was situated behind the wheel, he gently asked, “Did anything happen?” He knew that sometimes the depression would simply come from the ether, like a sudden summer storm. When she shook her head no, he continued again, “The usual?” She nodded slowly. “Okay baby, I got you.” Reaching across, he took her hand once more, running his thumb slowly over her knuckles.

--------------------

One trip through the drive through of Burger King, an obscene amount of fries, and a large classic Coke later, the van made its way back through the trailer park, before parking in his usual spot.

Jumping out of the van once again, Eddie jogged to Y/N’s door, helping her out before he wrapped her into his side once more, despite the short trip to the door. When the pair reached the trailer, refusing to let her go, Eddie gripped the bag between his teeth, using his newly free hand to open the door, and guide her inside.

Y/N toed off her shoes, while Eddie sloughed off his jacket, placing the food on the small kitchen counter. He walked over to his princess, running his hands up and down her arms, “Living room, or bedroom?” He always kept questions short during these episodes.

“Bedroom.” Y/N croaks out.

Without another word, his hands slip from her arms, one hand taking hers, as he guided her through the short hall, into his bedroom. Eddie begins making her a small nest of blankets, and pillows. He had invested in more blankets and pillows shortly after they had started dating, learning quickly that she loved to nest, especially during these mental storms.

With the bed prepared, he helps her into the nest, giving her a reassuring squeeze, before leaving to fetch their food. When Eddie came back, he had his arms full, several video tapes, the food, and drinks for the pair.  

He made sure Y/N was situated first, setting her drink down, and placing the bag of food in front of her. “What’re we watching, beautiful? I’ve got...” He tosses the pile of tapes onto the bed, and began rattling off titles, “Halloween, Rosemary’s Baby, Carrie, Night of the Living Dead...I’ve got some recorded episodes of The Golden Girls, Alf, oh, and some episodes of Unsolved Mysteries.”

Eddie had begun this collection after her first storm, he would gather her favorite movies, and record her favorite tv shows, as part of a kit of sorts, that he had put together for these situations.

“Halloween?” Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper.

“Anything you want.” He places a soft kiss to her forehead, before moving to the small tv and VCR they had both invested in, for his bedroom.

Turning back after setting up the movie, he noticed her jeans, and the blouse she had worn to work. He crossed the room again, digging in the drawer he kept her “boyfriend clothes” as she called them. Clothes that Eddie wore, and kept for her, that would fit her plush frame. Finding a worn Hellfire t-shirt, and pair of sweat pants, he returns to her side, placing the clothes on the bed.

“Do you want to change?” She nodded silently. “Arms up, pretty girl.”

He gathered the hem of her shirt in his hands, slowly dragging the fabric up, and over her head. Tossing her shirt to the floor, making a note to fold it later. Reaching behind her, he unhooks her bra, and brings the straps down her shoulders. His hands worked quickly, bringing the soft t-shirt over her head, and down her torso before the cool air of the trailer could make her shiver.

Eddie helps her stand, pulling her jeans down her legs, and placing her hands on his shoulders for stability, while he removed each foot from the pant legs. He reaches behind him, grabbing the sweat pants, and began guiding her feet into the holes, before pulling them up around her waist, and helping her back into her nest.

He changed back into his own discarded sweat pants, folded her clothes, and set them on the desk before climbing into bed. He hits play, and the opening credits for Halloween begin to scroll across the screen. Eddie doled out the food between the two of them, before leaning back, and wrapping her into his side, her head resting on his chest as she begins to eat slowly.

Eddie feeds himself with one hand, while the other runs up and down her arm, and brushing a kiss against her temple, speaking softly, “I love you, Y/N. I’m glad you felt safe calling me. I know you probably hesitated cause it’s one of our heavy days, but I’m proud of you. You can always call me, I’ll always be there to get you, no matter what your brain tells you. You’re my badass warrior, baby.”

“I love you too, Eds.” Comes the soft reply from under his chin.

He couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips. No matter how often she told him she loved him, it felt like the first time, and his heart would skip a beat.

--------------------

Tag List:

@dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

@bohemianrhapsody86

@a-time-for-wolvess

@ghosttownwherenoonegoes​

@friendly-neighborhood-ghoul

@sweetpeapod

@emotionaldreamer

@crazyjenny8675309

@rydellakurancarson

Header credit goes to the fabulous, @sweetpeapod 💙

#eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x plus size henderson sister reader #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #1986 will be their year #mental health #reader has depression #depression #comfort #self indulgent fic #fan fic #fanfic #fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #joseph quinn #joe quinn #no one will read this #not sure why i try #the big sad tm

[blu-joons]

When He Finds You Wearing His Shirt ~ Astro Reaction

MJ:

A shy giggle came from Myungjun as he spotted what you were wearing, unable to stop his head from shaking as he knew exactly where you had been looking to find the shirt that you’d chosen to wear.

“Do you not own any shirts of your own?” Myungjun joked with you, his voice making you jump as you didn’t realise that he was in the room. “You’ve got a huge pile of shirts at the bottom of your wardrobe.”

“I do, but I wasn’t feeling like wearing one of those,” you grinned.

“So, you decided to just raid my wardrobe instead of that?”

Your head nodded with a proud smile etched upon your face, “where else was I going to go looking for a shirt if I wasn’t able to look in your wardrobe?”

“You’re lucky that you look as cute as you do wearing my shirt.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be mad,” you teased, spinning around in front of Myungjun, “you love whenever I wear your shirts secretly.”

“I guess it’s not the worst thing ever.”

JinJin:

There was nothing else that Jinwoo could do other than chuckle as he watched you walk around in his shirt, not only did it hang around you, but the sleeves especially were baggy from the difference between you both.

“My shirt is about six sizes too big for you,” Jinwoo couldn’t help but tease as you looked across at him at the sound of his laughter. “That shirt has been stretched so far to be able to get round my arms Y/N.”

“I think that’s why it’s so comfortable,” you admitted in reply.

“Do you feel like you’re wearing a shirt or a dress?”

Your head shook as Jinwoo continued to joke around, “honestly, I think it’s easily the loosest shirt that I’ve ever worn in my life.”

“Don’t you have one of your shirts lying around here somewhere?”

“I do,” you shrugged, “but I don’t think any of those shirts would be as comfortable for me as this one is right now Jinwoo.”

“I just knew you’d say that in reply.”

Cha Eunwoo:

You had never seen Dongmin’s smile so wide as you spun around at the sound of footsteps walking through the apartment. He didn’t quite know where to look as you moved around the room wearing Dongmin’s shirt.

“Am I still asleep and dreaming?” Dongmin joked as he walked across to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Could you just pinch me to make sure that I’m not dreaming seeing you in my shirt?”

“I’m not going to pinch you,” you chuckled back across to him.

“This might be the best morning I’ve ever had you know.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at Dongmin’s sudden admission. “Have all your other mornings just been really terrible for this to be the best one?”

“They’ve all been good, but this morning just doesn’t compare.”

“Would it finish you off if I told you that breakfast is on its way?” You smiled, catching Dongmin’s head nodding straight away in reply.

“That would be the icing on the cake.”

Moonbin:

A shake of the head came from Moonbin as he watched you walk out of the bathroom, his eyes narrowing on you as he noticed what it was that you were wearing after finishing up and drying yourself off.

“I don’t remember saying that you could wear one of my shirts,” Moonbin joked as soon as he met your eyes, watching you walk around with a lot more confidence in your stride as you got yourself sorted.

“I couldn’t put my dirty clothes back on,” you joked to Moonbin.

“So, you invited yourself to take a shirt of mine instead?”

Your head nodded as a chuckle came from Moonbin, “you can try and complain but I know that you’re enjoying seeing me like this deep down.”

“I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that.”

“Too late,” you teased, leaning across and pressing a kiss to Moonbin’s cheek, “you’re smile gives you away Bin.”

“Maybe I’m not as subtle as I thought.”

Rocky:

You sheepishly smiled as you turned around to face Minhyuk, holding up the shirt that you found. You weren’t quite sure what you were going to sleep in, that was until you found the perfect something of his.

“You want to sleep in my shirt?” Minhyuk asked you as you held the shirt up in front of your body, nodding your head in reply. “I guess my shirt does look pretty good on you, I can’t deny that at least Y/N.”

“Is that a yes then by any chance?” You continued to tease.

“I’ll let you sleep in my shirt but know that this is a treat.”

You hummed back to Minhyuk as you threw the shirt over your body before walking across to the bed. “I can’t believe that your shirts are so cosy.”

“That’s why I buy them, because they’re nice and cosy for me.”

“And now they’re nice and cosy for me too,” you joked, dropping down onto the bed and laying right into Minhyuk’s side.

“You’re enjoying this far too much Y/N.”

Sanha:

A chuckle came from Sanha as he watched you walk down the corridor backstage at the arena. The top that you wore tucked into your trousers was one that he recognised straight away, unable to look away from you.

“Have you stolen my merch to wear to one of my shows?” Sanha asked you as he threw an arm around you, greeting you sweetly. “There is no way that that is your shirt, the arms look far too baggy on you.”

“I don’t have any shirts of my own to wear,” you shrugged in reply.

“Where did you even manage to find that in my wardrobe?”

You couldn’t help but laugh as Sanha looked back at you in despair, “I had to have a bit of a look around in your wardrobe, but eventually I spotted this.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually wearing not just merch, but mine.”

“I think you should take this as a sign that it’s about time that you give me some merch of my own,” you joked, “and a shirt that actually fits.”

“I’ll make sure that I find you something.”

---

Masterlist

#astro #astro imagine #astro reaction #astro scenario #astro reactions #astro scenarios #mj imagine #jinjin imagine #cha eunwoo imagine #moonbin imagine #rocky imagine #sanha imagine #mj #jinjin #cha eunwoo #moonbin #rocky #sanha #astro drabble #astro one shot #astro fluff #kpop #kpop imagine

[emabatis]

About a Werewolf in the Wawa Parking Lot

This was the second option on this poll I did. People seemed to like it, so here's the whole short story, in all it's exactly 1,000 words:

It’s not full. It’s never full.

That’s the good thing about going out when everyone else is at work or asleep. Just about the only good thing, truth told. Everybody’s hurting for workers until I send something in. I get on fine, the lord never lets my belly get too empty, and he doesn't let my head get too empty, either, or by the time the month is over, I’d have spent a fortune on milkshakes of varying quality. Sometimes they don’t even have milkshakes, and I need to settle for a “cream smoothie," which they say is healthier but if you ask me it’s just the same price for more ice. Not disgusting, but when I’m already shaky, the last thing I need is less sugar.

It’s a warm night for the month, a bit cloudy. Old, baggy jacket weather. I’m preferring old, baggy clothes these days. I’m sipping in the parking lot, letting the condensation soothe my orange palms. It’s strawberry cheesecake. Not my favorite flavor, but, you know, if you just order your favorite every time, it loses its magic. I still like strawberry cheesecake fine. It’s my niece’s favorite. It’s also one of the flavors I can drink regularly without spewing. That’s been a problem lately, throwing up. Some weeks are worse than others. I get by. This week’s been pretty great, actually.

It’ll be an hour or two before Hank gets here - he works until late in the evening. He doesn’t know I’m here, but - lord willing and the creek don’t rise - he’ll stop here like he usually does after work and he can drive me home.

Or maybe I’ll end up forgetful in the morning, covered in dew in the cornfield next door - there’s always a corn field next door, but I’m specifically talking about the one I’m looking at. There’s deer in that corn field. It’s safe, warm, and full of food. All enclosed. Denser than the woods, too dense for any predators, not that they have to worry about those. All the wolves in the area got put down before most anyone can remember, outside of the nursing home or family attic. That doesn't include me just yet.

A pair of eyes are glowing from behind the stalks, as still and bright as the sign they reflect back at me. Wawa, the deer’s eyes promise. It’s a doe, just out of her white spots. There had to be a gas station somewhere in the however-huge stretch between the two closest ones, and it might as well be a Wawa on this corner, between the old schoolhouse for sale and a corn field full of deer.

My stomach is gnawing at itself. Again? I’m thinking about how awkward it would be to go back into the store I just finished up in, especially since I can’t remember if I had the presence of mind to not say “you too” when they told me to enjoy my shake. I didn’t have the presence of mind to notice it was gone, and here I am, sucking on air like a fool. I’ll throw the cup away. Probably eat it next, if I don’t.

The sunset is pretty, tonight. Just the right amount of clouds and at just the right texture to make colors pop. I saw the moon earlier, it was huge. I could read by that moon alone, it’s the biggest and brightest I’ve seen in a long while. That might’ve been yesterday, actually.

The streetlights are on, now. 

Something’s wrong with my body, I think. Not enough elbows. The air’s a lot hotter than it was a minute ago. Like I just got a pint of blood poured in me, and it’s got nowhere to go but it’s going fast. I can feel it thrumming to my fingers and toes. The deer is still staring, frozen in place.

A surge of vomit wants to crawl up my throat, and it scratches as I swallow it down. It doesn’t taste like strawberry cheesecake. I don’t want to know what it tastes like. My stomach hurts, that kind of hurt that doesn’t leave room for words like “squeezing” or “throbbing.” Just pain. I’m praying oh lord help me, and it helps, a bit.

Taking deep breaths is important for pain. Mostly because breathing is important for survival, and pain makes people forget everything they learned about how to survive. It feels like every exhale releases that pain into the world, where it can scatter and grow into something nicer.

It doesn’t last. I’m almost knocked over by another wave. This time it’s in my chest. Not so easy to breathe through it. I must’ve been screaming, because my jaw is sore. No one inside has come out to see what’s what, those inconsiderate kids.

It passes quick, but I get the feeling it’s gonna come back quick, and with a vengeance. I’ve gotta move. The light, the sound of the neon, the smell, it’s all too much. I’m gritting my teeth so hard I swear I can hear them bend. I can’t feel my legs, wouldn’t know what to do with them if I could. 

A tooth is falling out of my mouth. Another one now. And another. The pain takes me after I taste my own blood, and it spreads from my mouth to the tips of my toes. Everywhere, it’s noisy, it’s bright, it smells like my own body.

When did I end up on the ground? A while ago, I reckon. I see something in the sky, just behind the Wawa sign.

There’s a sickening pop somewhere inside of me, I’m spasming, howling, and eventually the pain is so big, so much bigger than the body that needs to hold it, that a sort of instinctual clarity opens my eyes. Yes. This is what’s supposed to happen. The deer finally runs away. That won’t do. It has to stay full.I take a deep breath, and push, push, push into the field.

#my fiction #short story #writeblr #original fiction #werewolf #werewolves #horror

[steampunkforever]

At its most basic structure gunfire is just minerals (glorified rocks) being thrown really fast. In this aspect, there is very little difference between a specops death squad decked out in NVGs murdering you with suppressed smart-aiming Next Gen battle rifles and some brute named Grug caving in your head with a chunk of boulder. The only thing that separates the two is the advent of flint knapping, the way they style their beards, and the variation of head trauma they administer you in a dark cave located somewhere in the region people used to call "Asia Minor."

Much in this way, jeans are jeans. The cuts, colors, and styling have changed across the years, but in form and function not much differs from the sturdy workwear gold rush prospectors donned before hitting the slopes of Pikes Peak in 1859 and the black skinny jeans worn by starbucks baristas in Denver as the prepare to enter the Frappe mines.

Of course, much like comparing David's Slingshot to Raytheon's latest missile (an activity reserved for the IDF), much has changed since Levi Strauss riveted together his first pair of trousers. Specifically, the world has seen the introduction of stretch fabrics beyond mankind's comprehension, both a boon to emo band frontmen and a curse to the environment.

Those of you who've followed this blog long enough are well aware of my demographic's use of stretchy jeans to rebel against the oppressive bagginess of the 90s and early 00s. As such, I've been thoroughly indoctrinated into the stretch. Though never extruding myself into a pair of skinny jeans, I've been a strong proponent of slim-fits from the moment I was able to escape the bagginess of the past. Is this bagginess in now? Yes, but so were JNCOS for a time so let's not trust the trend cycle with our lives just yet.

The point is, my denim has always needed to be tight. Wearing pants is outright stressful otherwise. But I simultaneously fully understand that stretch fabrics are bad for the environment. The elastics in your jeans poison the environment with each wash, and will hang out in landfills long after the cotton that bound them has returned to the earth. A conundrum to say the least.

I'll fully admit that I came upon the answer to my problem in a flash of pure coincidence, having thrown a couple pairs of cheap straight-leg 100% cotton jeans in my cart fully intending on using them as throwaways for when I didn't need to think about what I looked like but needed something rugged that didn't look like cargo pants. Little did I know that my denim savior rested in overly stiff jeans that looked baggy on me in the fitting room.

See, 100% cotton jeans are the sort that have what we call a "break-in period," like when you buy a new corvette and it makes you wait a second before you can unlock the full RPM range. Not that I can afford a new Corvette, I'm buying store-brand jeans at America's least glamorous retailer, but you get the point. The break in period lets you put some wear and tear in the denim, relaxing it and letting it loosen up, providing a better, if baggier, fit and getting that "comfortable as an old pair of jeans" feel that we lost in the vacuformed denim era championed by bands like Sleeping with Sirens.

So I broke them in. I ignored washing instructions entirely, I rewired old cars in them, I didn't care about them and I showed them that, which in hindsight I realized was probably the best thing I could've done for them. Stiffness softened to structure, the color faded pleasantly, and rather than looking and feeling awkward, the jeans began to conform to my body. Hefting a cast iron intake out from under the hood of a car that shares a birthday with your parents is great for getting denim to fit just right. Highly suggest treating these jeans like you don't care for optimum results.

Of course then comes the tightness. The denim fibers loosen over the break-in process, and which would make them baggier, and these were already straight-leg jeans, a shape not intended for tightness. And I need my jeans tight. The secret to getting a slim fit was also achieved on accident: I once more ignored washing instructions and threw them in the dryer without looking at the tag.

Denim from brands who care about their image is often treated with anti-shrink solutions in order to maintain the general shape of the cut, but my cheap pants did not, and therefore shrunk just the right amount when thrown into the dryer and spun around on the "whatever" setting.

Under this combined abuse, the cotton shrunk where I needed it to, conforming to my curves while retaining structure and ruggedness required of a good pair of jeans. This isn't a new discovery by any means, but personally it was a revelation to find denim that fit snugly without the guilt of microplastic underpinnings.

There really isn't an outtro for this post, a long winded ramble about how I got some jeans to fit, other than some vague point about looking to the old ways for sustainable options to a plastic filled future. I guess it's just nice to find good-looking denim jeans that aren't prestige brands doing their best to make a new corvette look cheap in comparison. That is all.

#the denim essay you wanted

[leggerefiore]

Only A Fool (Would Say That)

cw: 18+ content, AFAB reader, Volo being mean during sex, deep throating

Volo/Reader

Minors DNI

You felt insane as you stared face to face with a familiar blond. Throughout time and space and making a deal with a certain deity, you managed to return back home to the future. Well, present. You had been in the past, after all. A visit to a haunted locale in Eterna forest in the present brought you back to these familiar lands of modern Sinnoh. Though, as you explored the abandoned château, you swore you felt eyes on you. It was only after you entered a bedroom with a seemingly new blanket on it that you felt concerned. Everything seemed to have a fine layer of dust on it, but this room appeared tidied up.

Almost as if, you dared, someone had been living here. That was when you were tackled to the ground. A hand clamped over your mouth as a lanky figure pushed you into the disgusting carpet below. “Leave,” they hissed into your ear. You felt fear course through your veins, but a certain nature that you had developed from your time in Hisui refused to let you hobble over in fear. Suddenly, tossing your weight up, you knocked them off you. Your pokemon were ready to be tossed out immediately to help protect you from the stranger.

The only issue?

They were not a stranger.

Even worse, they should have certain been dead.

A coat masked much of his body, while a cap was knocked off from his head. Yellow locks fell over his left eye and obscured it from sight. He was just as beautiful as when you last saw him, yet something about him felt different. Older, perhaps. It was almost impossible for him to have lived from the period in which Hisui was into modern Sinnoh, yet… His exposed eye carried unbelievable tiredness. “… Volo?” you asked. It shot wide. He stood up and dusted off his baggy jeans. “It really is you,” he almost scoffed, “How did you make it back? Oh, wait. I know.” He seemed aggressive as he stood over you. The musky air of the room felt grossly heavy. You should have been scared, yet all you could focus on were how handsome he still was. Unconsciously, you cupped his face.

You two had dated for a short while. It was certainly an attempt by him to convince you to let him complete his plans, but you still felt attached to him. His words did not feel entirely as lies when he softly whispered into your ears as you drifted off. His warm body pressed to your back. He preferred you to face away from him. Maybe he wanted to keep up his ability to backstab you, or a fear that you would see through his flimsy lies. His enthusiastic rants about archaeological finds and the way he cared for his pokemon prevented you from believing he was some complete monster. Your lips pressed to his. It was awful how much you had missed him. He had seemingly disappeared in Hisui, and you thought he was dead in the present. The fact he was still alive left you suddenly desperately.

“I missed you, Volo,” you foolishly whispered, “Are you real? Am I just being haunted by some ghost?” He rolled his eyes, and a light pink dusted his cheeks from your actions. “The fact you are even worried a ghost type would take my form implies I'm someone important to you,” he commented, “Are you stupid? I tried to kill you.” He did. He really did. You felt genuine fear when he summoned Giratina to attack you. Somewhere, however, you did not believe that he would actually do it. “Maybe I am,” you laughed, hugging him tightly, “Maybe you are just a ghost. Either way, please let just be with you.” Unexpected arms pressed you close to him while his head rested on your own. He was warm. You felt tears burning your eyes. This really could not have been real.

“Volo…” you murmured with whiny tone, “You know, I haven't slept with anyone since that last time with you. I don't want anyone else… Volo, would you please…”? The words felt stuck in your throat. Could you really ask him for such a thing? You groaned when he suddenly lifted you and dropped you on the bed. Its old springs squeaked loudly in resistance. You swallowed as he peered down at you. He shrugged off the coat, leaving his navy sweater on. Why was he wearing so many layers? You wanted them all off. A groan left you as he crawled on top of you. His hands were frigid as they cupped your face.

Lips pressed to yours. Carefully, you found a familiar rhythm. His tongue poked your lip, and you gladly gave him entrance. His tongue fooled with yours as the kiss became a messy, wet one. Your hips bucked up against his hips, desperate for some attention. Masturbating was never the same as having sex, and you felt like there would never be a lover like him. (Unless you took his strange modern lookalike as one, which you weren't. She was a lovely sight, however.) His rutted his crotch against yours. You moaned into the kiss, which he simply ate up. Your hands buried themselves into his silky locks. Warmth spread throughout you as he finally pulled away. A thick strand of saliva still connected you both. He panted slightly, eyes lidded. “Wonderful,” he praised you, “I was a fool to let you go. Had I got my wish, you would have been at my side. A piece to sit on my lap and keep me pleased.” You flushed at his words, not probably taking them in.

Your shirt was stripped off quickly as he remover his own. In wonder, you took in his scarred body. Wounds of all kinds and severity decorated his skin. Slight muscles sat on him nicely. Your hands pressed against his flesh. He groaned from the contact and surprisingly let you. It was hard in some spots, yet always so warm. Why were his hands so cold? You did not really care. “You're so handsome,” you say, dumbfounded, “I shouldn't have let you leave.” He snickered. Your hands dared to unbutton those jeans and free his cock to your greedy eyes. It stood proudly erect, flushed and leaking. A quick movement led to your jerking him off, enjoying all the soft whines and groans that left him. “Fuck,” he hissed, “You want to please me? Use your mouth.”

You did not need to be told twice. A tentative stripe was licked up the cock before you tried to take him in your mouth. His cock head was inside, to which you carefully teased with your tongue. “I should have just ordered you around back then,” he mocked, as his hand grasped at your head and made you take him deeper, “You're so obedient in bed. I can only imagine what you would have done when I commanded you to your knees.” Your eyes rolled back as his cock pushed into your throat. With his help, you began to bob your head up and down with his light thrusts. “You couldn't sleep with anyone else because you know no one can compare to me,” Volo let out a groan as your throat muscles contracted around him. You felt so used, but really could not care. Pleasing Volo was always something you enjoyed doing. His cock began to twitch, to which he pulled you off his cock.

You whined as you were flipped onto your stomach. Your shorts were quickly pulled down. Fingers pressed inside you, stretching you out for a moment. “You're soaked,” he teased and dragged a pad of his finger against a sensitive spot inside you, “Are you this horny from just taking my cock into your mouth?" Yes, you were. He decided you were ready enough. It was a complete moment of strange bliss when his cock pressed into you until he was balls deep. His balls even slapped against your cunt. You moaned when he started fucking into you properly, hips rough and fast in pace. Your hands grasped the sheets as pleasure coiled in your core. It had been too long since you got pleasure like this. Everything seemed like it was going to come to a close as quickly as it stare when he flipped you back over.

“You truly didn't sleep with any other,” he commented. His body was flush against yours while his lips connected with yours for another messy kiss. You were too much in bliss to do much other than to accept and buck against him, but you nodded, tears welling in your eyes. “I love you, Volo! Only you!” you whined when he pulled away again. His hands grasped your hips tightly as his nails dug into you. He fucked into you harder at the words. His cock hit your sensitive spot with perfect precision until you came hard against him, walls desperately milking him. A loud growl came from him as he rutted into you a few more times before cumming inside you. Warmth spilled deep in you as he crashed against you.

You panted heavily alongside him, arms coming to lock around Volo. A contented sigh left you. Your dear Volo was back at your side. His face buried into your neck while he attempted to regain his composure. After a few moments in that stasis, he managed to get you in the familiar position of a little spoon. His blanket covered you both. A soft kiss was pressed into your hair as he hummed.

“I love you, too,” his whisper was almost missed into your ear, “I'm sorry.”

#volo x reader #volo/reader #pokemon volo x reader #pokemon x reader #volo.ima #YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ANOTHER SUBMAS FIC BUT IT WAS I VOLO #nastystuff

[meiluu]

Dreamer Held Captive

Morpheus “the sandman” / Reader(female but can be read as gender neutral)

Summary: Being held captive for all your life, without freedom, without dreams. When you are able to dream one night by chance you meet a mysterious being who holds your freedom within his grasp.

Warnings: mentions of throwing up

Word count: 2,628 words

The rain pelted against the window, the dreary weather matching my current mood. Curled up in my bed using one of my many books to escape my poor reality. 

Long ago I had wished to leave and explore the world outside of the confines of my home, but that had been quickly snuffed out by my parents. They had told me that a dangerous demon was waiting for me to step outside of the protection of my home, ready to take my soul into hell. I believed them so fully when I was younger but now I questioned them, ‘Why was the demon only after me?’ ‘What had I done to deserve this?’. But every single time I asked, I got told off, told that I didn't need to know such things and that I should only worry for my safety. And the times in which I had tried to rebel against their orders I was shoved into my room, locked in, and told to think of what I had done wrong and told to understand that they were just trying to protect me.

Now nearing my 20th birthday, I am tired of being kept in a cage. This place was once a place of comfort but now it only brings me loneliness and a longing to be free. To add onto my misfortunes, I've never once had a dream. I have read books that described dreams as wonderful places that your mind goes to when you are asleep, though not all of them are good but even so this was something I've never once experienced. Early on I had craved it but now I had accepted that it would never happen, maybe it had something to do with this house and the demon that is after my soul but I would probably never find out. 

The sunlight that was hidden behind the clouds was starting to dim, darling the sky. Glancing up at my clock, it was nearing 8:00p.m. Usually around this time I would be having dinner but my parents had told me they would be out late running errands, this was after I had tried to ask them once again one of my many questions with which I was swifty shoved into my room and locked in. And now sleepiness and hunger gnaw at my body, the former winning. Giving into that feeling of weightlessness, I await the comforting darkness that I had been greeted with for nearly 20 years.

—

A warm light brushed against my skin, gently coaxing me to wake up, opening my eyes, my breath escapes me.

The sky is clear save for a few clouds, rolling hills filled with wildflowers and grass that seemed to be waving back at me, quickly rising to my feet taking a quick glance at myself. I was still clothed in my baggy sweatshirt with my pajama shorts, raising my head again. I took in everything.

A stream was flowing just before me, walking towards it I now see the beautifully colored fish  swimming with its currents. Trees are sporadically placed throughout this meadow, inhaling the enchanting scent, somewhere in the back of my mind I had begun to realize that I was dreaming.

An emotion I hadn't felt in so long began to bubble up inside of me, a smile stretched across my face and then I was running. A laugh had burst out of  my chest, the breeze seeming to encourage me to run faster pushing me forward. My hair whipped behind me, the sun keeping me warm as the grass gently caressed my feet. I couldn't put words to how I was feeling but I hope that this is what freedom felt like.

Running over a hill, reaching the top my eyes latch onto a magnificent castle, with new found vigor I continue my running pace, never once running out of breath. Slowing down as I get closer to the castle I take a moment to admire just how intricate the design of it was, but my thoughts are halted at a new presence. Quickly turning towards it, I see him.

He was ethereal looking, hair black as night, a messy crown atop his head, his eyes a piercing blue. And there he stood, regal with a long billowing obsidian colored coat that when the wind hit it just right you could almost see stars within it. He was much taller than me, having to slightly raise my head to fully take him in.

 “You're here.” His voice was something so irresistible and his tone was not harsh, it seemed as if he was shocked that I was here. “Hello,” my mouth worked faster than my mind. I greeted him with a gentle smile.

 His eyes roamed over me taking all of me in, my cheeks warmed, I felt a bit underdressed compared to him. “How can this be? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

He’s been looking for me? My mind begins to race, is he the demon my parents had told me about or is this just something my mind has conjured up for myself. My mouth spilled out the words quickly, “Are you the demon after my soul?” The moment those words left my lips I regretted them, they seemed wrong. I had never met this man in my life and even if he wasn’t real it felt wrong to accuse him of all people of being a demon. His eyebrows shot up, he took a step forward closer to me. “Is that what they have told you I am? I am not a demon nor do I desire for your soul in such a way.” 

“How are you here now?”

“I don’t know…I just went to sleep and I ended up here.”  confusion contorts his face, he doesn’t say anything like his prompting me to try and elaborate the events before i got here. Taking a breath that had seemed to be trapped inside my chest I explained.

“Well I was locked in my room, and I was trying to stay awake so that when my parents got home I could eat. But I got tired and fell asleep… and now I'm here in my first dream talking to you.” The more I continued to talk the stranger this situation became, I had remembered reading stories about how dreams could be confusing or even terrifying but this had blown my expectation away. 

Yet my thoughts were interrupted by the look that came across His gorgeous face.

 His eyes held  a level of realization like he just solved the world's most difficult puzzle. “So that’s how they did it, they blocked your conscience from reaching the dreaming… from reaching me.” He seemed angry, no, enraged at this discovery but none of it was aimed towards me, then a moment later the world had started to become blurry.

“No! Where are you so that I can find you!” desperation so evident in his tone, he closed the distance between us in a heartbeat grabbing onto me in such distress. My body being consumed by his own emotions, I became frantic and hastily replied. “I'm in my house, that's all I know, I've never left my home nor do I know where I am exactly. I’m sorry”. Words quickly falling out of my mouth holding nothing but sincerity. Because I truly did feel upset that I couldn't tell him more, I felt like I was disappointing him and that I was losing a chance at something so important.

His face had started to blur along with the world around us, but I recognized his hand trying to reach inside of me. It felt as if he was trying to pull on a string attached to me, I couldn't tell whether he was trying to pull me towards him or trying to pull himself towards me. But it seemed to be in vain as I had awakened back in my bedroom.

My mother was shaking me awake with such ferocity. “Why did you fall asleep without eating!” having just been woken up and angered at the fact that I had just had my very first dream and it was interrupted so quickly. I snapped “I was locked in my room, how was I supposed to eat!” I pushed her hands off of me standing up out of my bed facing my mother straight on. In a flash my father stood between us, pushing me away from my mother, both of them sharing the same look upon their faces. “Do you understand how you could’ve gotten us killed!” my fathers voice booms around us, a whirlwind of anger and fear swirls within my gut. Part of me wants to lash out, the other part just wants to run away from here, never looking back.

—

After the ‘incident’ as I’ve now begun to call it, my parents have done nothing but breath down my neck. Making sure that I ate my food, continuously checking the windows and the doors around the house and to add on they haven’t been leaving the house as often as before. Part of me wants to believe they are just being like this to punish me but in the back of my mind is telling me otherwise. 

Watching them had become my newest pastime, I knew they were acting more weirdly than before. A feeling in my gut told me that they were truly doing something to me so that I couldn't dream. I didn’t want to admit it but the stranger in my dream had made me even more skeptical and weary of my parents now more than ever. And even if he wasn’t real and just something I had conjured up, my mind had created him for a reason, maybe to finally voice what I had known subconsciously. Either way I had now begun to suspect that it had to do with my food, they had stressed throughout my life how important it was to always eat my meals. And it seemed to make sense, because all of my meals had been cooked by them and if they had ever stuck something in the food I would not have been able to tell.

So I was going to do an experiment tonight, I wasn't going to eat my dinner and to see if not eating the food would make me dream or not. But this experiment wasn’t just about being able to dream, it was more so to see if my parents had been manipulating me. To test if they had or have been lying to me, and if they had then they could’ve been lying about this said ‘demon’ after my soul. And if my experiment proves this, then I have to leave this place as soon as possible.

Now I just had to figure out how to do my experiment without my parents noticing. The first thing that came to my mind was to eat my dinner then to throw it back up, that was quickly shot down. The only method I could think of was to just ‘fake eat’ and to just spit it out when I got the chance. And with no other options that I could think of, that's what I did. When dinner came around I would periodically get up to go to the bathroom, or just get up to go to the kitchen to grab something then with a moment away from my parents I would spit out the food into the trash or down the toilet. And though it felt like the minutes were moving at the pace of molasses, dinner was finally over with and I had ‘eaten’ enough food deemed reasonable, and I was sent off to my bedroom to go to bed.

With added nervousness of wondering if my experiment had worked, and the gnaw of hunger in my belly it had taken me longer than I had wanted to fall asleep.

—

I was right next to the castle when I awoke within my dream, and just as I had risen from laying down the ethereal stranger had appeared next to me. “You made it back,” his voice held so much happiness I couldn’t help but smile back at him. Then my smile falls at the realization of what my results of my little experiment meant. My parents had been feeding me something to block me from dreaming, opening up the possibilities of what else that could’ve been doing to me.

 “My parents have been keeping me from dreaming with my food, there's something in it that keeps me from coming here.” my thoughts tumble out of my mouth, my face going slack at this realization. anger mars his beautiful face, he steps closer to me. Close enough to where I can smell his scent, it's comforting, it reminds me of the smell of vanilla and books. With a pale hand extended towards me looking down into my eyes, “I am going to try to pull myself into the waking world, to where you are at now.” there's a hesitant pause, “Will you let me?”

“Let you come to me? Yes… but this isn’t real, you're just a dream, something that my mind created.” a charming smirk appears upon his face. “Do you wish to find out if I am real? Real enough to free you from an unjust imprisonment?” My heart tugs at the hope of freedom, letting out a shaky breath, I reach my hand forward latching onto his, it's warm and his hold is unwavering. A tugging sensation washes over my body, similar to last time. Just as I feel his presence tug around me, his soul reaches into mine. I jolt awake in my bed gasping for breath. 

And there he is, standing at the end of my bed, tall and magnificent in all of his glory. My mind is sent reeling and then the tears start to flow down my cheeks. “You're real, you're real!” springing out of the bed, into his open arms I feel a blanket of warmth engulf me. “I have you.” His voice reassuring, sobs escape my chest. I could now see a horizon in which I am free. I didn’t even care if this stranger was lying about not being a demon, I could finally see a future in which I am away from this prison. “Let me take you away from here, so that I can explain everything.” 

I am saying ‘yes’ the moment those words leave his lips, in a flurry of sand we are taken away.

—

We end up, what appears to be, inside of the castle I had been seeing in my dreams. We are in a magnificent foyer, dark wood flooring with a few couches and chairs scattered around a massive fireplace with a coffee table sat in the center between the couches and the fire. Bookshelves filled to the brim with a wide variety of novels. The stranger leads me towards a couch. Sitting down I sink into the cozy cushions, then He sits down next to me, facing me straight on. Raising my head to meet his gaze, his eyes hold a level of resolve that has me straightening my back. “This may be a long story, but it's all needed for you to understand what has happened.” his voice has a level of warning in, making sure that i’m prepared for what's to come.

But I have one thing I want to know before He begins, “What's your name?” I'm a little shocked with myself for not asking him earlier but at the time it hadn't been a top priority. A soft smile greets me as he introduces himself. “I am Morpheus, Dream of the Endless.”

#morpheus fanfiction #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless #dream of the endless x reader #the sandman x reader #the sandman netflix #x reader #morpheus #lord morpheus #the sandman #happy ending #fluff #one shot #fem reader #morpheus imagines

[percywinchester27]

The new Mrs. Winchester (5)

Word count: 3.2K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Chapter warnings: Mentions of death, kidnapping, human trafficking; PTSD, forced marriage, mention of suicidal ideation, fluff... kinda ;)

Series Summary: After spending over two years in captivity, and enduring assault, torture, and degradation of every kind, Y/N is finally sold off to the highest bidder. But when the deal is masked as a hushed marriage to a wealthy and powerful man, Y/N knows it means a few more nights of brutal torment ending in certain death. After all, why else would a man like him, want someone like her, except to fulfill desires so depraved that they would require owning a person. However, the Winchester mansion has mysteries of its own, woven in lies, betrayal, and death. Smack in the middle of it, she finds both hope and a home, in the person she least expected to find it with. But when it comes down to it, will she be able to save the thing that matters the most?

A/N: Some more interesting stuff ;) Thank you for all your love!

Beta: My darling, @deanssweetheart23​​​​ love ya!

The new Mrs. Winchester masterlist

You barely caught any sleep that night. Knowing that even the smallest creaks could be heard on the other side, had kept you from tossing and turning, frozen in place till your back and limbs started to ache. You didn’t want to give him more to go with than you already had. The other room remained silent. For the rest of the night hours, you floated in and out of consciousness, plagued with horrid dreams of roaming in the woods around the property, unable to find your way back to the house, while hungry eyes followed you everywhere, staring out of the forest.

You awoke to a still-dark room, stomach growling in protest at being kept empty since the afternoon of the day before. You should’ve eaten more than two bites at dinner.

Gingerly stepping onto the rug, you pulled on your old cardigan over the baggy pajamas and quietly made your way out into the corridor. The cold, dawn air stung your face. With the sun barely up, Abby wouldn’t bring your breakfast for another three hours. She might not even be up yet. Eyeing her closed door at the end of the corridor, you made your way downstairs, pulling the cardigan closer to keep away the morning chill. A glass of milk would suffice. Surely, there must be milk somewhere in the kitchen you had only once stepped into. Mentally chastising yourself for getting used to the hotel-style service when it came to food, you wandered through the ground floor in the vague direction of the kitchen.

When you did find it, you were come upon with the pleasant realisation of how old school it was. Another part of the house that hadn’t been renovated to fit modern standards. Huge stoves braced upon a solid stone counter, with pots and pans hanging from an overhead rack mesh. The double-door silver fridge, oven, and grill appeared to be the only ultra-modern equipment there. Martha stood humming to herself in front of the stove, back turned to you, as the smell of sizzling eggs hummed in the air. Your stomach made an embarrassingly loud noise; so much that Martha whirled around, eyes wide, hand at her chest.

“My goodness, Mrs. Winchester!” She smiled automatically, once the scare wore off. “What a pleasant thing to see you so early in the morning!”

“I… um… I was hungry.” You shuffled your toe from one side to another. “The eggs smell really good!”

Martha looked exactly how you’d expect a loving grandmother to be. Round and happy. And when she bestowed you with amused raised eyebrows, you felt happy, too.

“Why, I’ll fry you another batch of eggs right up,” she said. “Would you like them sunny side up?”

“Umm… just give me those!” You pointed at the once sizzling deliciously in the pan, as your stomach growled again. 

“These are for Master Sam and he doesn’t take salt in them.”

You jerked up. “He’s awake?”

“Why, he’s right there.”

You turned around and almost had a stroke. 

Sitting on the small round table on the other side of the kitchen was Sam, dressed in sweatpants and a full-sleeved t-shirt. He held a newspaper in one hand and seemed to have forgotten about the toast in his other, suspended halfway to his mouth. He appeared so natural in the setting that he almost melted in with the background. That must be why you hadn’t seen him at first, not that you had paid attention to anything once the smell of eggs had invaded your senses. 

His wide-eyed expression of surprise held you in your spot, unable to move, or speak.

Sam blinked a couple of times then cleared his throat and said. “It’s alright, Martha. Add the salt. You can fix my eggs afterward.” He hesitated, before adding. “Put some bacon on the pan as well.”

“Weren’t you giving up on it?”

His eyes flickered in your direction, “Maybe from tomorrow.”

Martha chuckled quietly. She must’ve seen you frozen in place because the next minute, her hands were on your arms, fussing, leading you to the table. “And why’re you still standing over there, ma’am? Sit, sit!” She plopped you down on the chair right in front of Sam.

The small, round table accommodated four chairs and Sam immediately straightened up to make space for you. 

Martha put a plate in front of you with two fried eggs, warm, buttered toast, and sausages. Not knowing what else to do, you picked up a fork, stabbed the sausage with it, and savagely shoved it in your mouth. Food, glorious food deserved all your attention. It helped to pretend that no one sat before you and you would have followed through with that strategy until a series of knocks made you stop.

You could see his knuckles tapping out the word

G-O-O-D  M-O-R-N-I-N-G

Swallowing loudly, you looked up. Sam had abandoned both the newspaper and the toast to regard you cautiously. If you didn’t know better, you would have assumed that he looked… nervous.

“Morning,” you whispered, uncertain.

“Isn’t it lovely to have you both here!” Martha clapped her hands, making you jump in your chair. It shook Sam out of whatever he’d been thinking. He got up from his chair. 

“Thanks for the breakfast, Martha. The coffee was great.”

Martha tutted. “It ain’t coffee, Master Sam, whatever it is that you drink.”

He chuckled. “You should try it sometime. Wakes you right up.”

“No, thank you. I’d much rather boil live puppies first.” At your gasp, she explained hurriedly. “It’s just a phrase, ma’am. Of course, I’m not even thinking about it.”

Sam chuckled some more at her embarrassment. “Don’t stay up for dinner, yeah? Just put it in the fridge. I know how to use the oven.”

“It’s unhealthy to reheat food!”

“So is staying up late,” he countered. “You have a good day, Martha.”

“You, too, Master Sam.”

He decidedly lowered his voice when he addressed you. “I hope you have a good day, as well.” Sam rushed out before you could so much as swallow the morsel in your mouth.

Had he just spoken to you? For real? Maybe you had imagined it. Sam didn’t speak to you.

Martha shoved the batch of crispy bacon on your plate. Sam hadn’t waited for the bacon, despite specifically requesting it. Martha cleared out the table, muttering about reduced portions and terrible coffee.

“What’s in that coffee?” You asked, curious.

She threw up her hands. “The hell do I know! A business associate got it from Bali. It’s supposed to have a mix of South-Asian spices and something healthy. I’m sure tar tastes better.”

You snickered at her pronounced distaste on the subject. 

“Master Sam will drink anything if you tell him it’s healthy.” She shook her head in faint disapproval. 

“He asked you to call him master?”

To your surprise, Martha laughed heartily. “Oh no no, ma’am. Quite the contrary. He’s been begging me for years to stop calling him that. But I’m an old nut, been seeing him since he was a baby and Master Dean in his knickers. Can’t stop now.”

You knew you shouldn’t… you knew very well that you shouldn’t manipulate the trust of this sweet lady, but no one else would talk, so you pressed. “How long have you been working here?”

“Oh, since before Master Sam was born. His mother was the most compassionate woman I ever knew and those boys take after her. Especially Master Dean.” Melancholy seeped into her voice at the name and she settled herself on the chair opposite to you. 

“You miss him,” you observed quietly.

To your horror, Martha’s eyes filled up. “He’d be all up in my business since he was a little boy. Always pestering me to bake him those pies. Smiling widely and teasing me for being an old lady. But he’d wait by the door every evening to help me down the stairs because he knew my knees were rotten.” She dabbed the corner of her eye with her apron. “And when it came to his brother, he would walk three miles into town to get bananas for those peanut butter and banana sandwiches. In the rain and in the sun.”

“Peanut butter and banana sandwiches?” 

She smiled through the tears, “Oh, master Sam used to love them as a kid.”

And he still kicked out his brother?

Martha clasped your hand, her veiny fingers shaking on yours. “I know what you’re thinking, ma’am,” she said, anger simmering just below the surface of her words. “I know what everyone says about him, but I know this, master Sam loved his brother. Loved him, I tell you…” She hiccuped. “No… he worshipped his brother… wanted to be just like him.”

She dropped her voice, whispering fretfully. “I was there when they brought in Miss Jo’s body. Master Dean had been beside himself with grief, and if it weren’t for Master Sam, he would have gone off and destroyed himself over it…”

Your mind was buzzing with too many questions. “But everyone says…”

“Everyone wasn’t there!” She snapped. “I don’t claim to know exactly what happened and the yelling was ugly, but it’s not what everyone says. Master Sam would never do that to his brother. And he hasn’t been the same since. Barely talks much. His laughter used to light up the house before, but I don’t see much of it anymore… and none of it outside this room.”

When you didn’t respond, she grasped your hand tighter in hers, prompting you to look into her old, vehement eyes. “You married a good man, ma’am. If you have to believe anything, believe this.”

*****

You wandered the halls all day by yourself, ducking into the corners to avoid company. It gave you the time to think things through, starting from the very start. Jack had been telling the truth after all about not ‘tailing’ you. Once you got the hang of the house; at least, the part you were allowed into, he’d stopped following you. So you walked on, struggling with the two warring images of Sam. The first one had presented itself from the get-go: an arrogant man who purchased a living, breathing person just for the pretence of a wife, to show off to people. A man who had kicked out his brother, and then managed to become the sole owner of an estate that ran into several million. Someone who barely uttered a word if it didn’t serve a purpose.

Then there was the image that you had seen and felt: A man who hadn’t touched a hair of your body when he could have done much, much worse to no consequence at all. You hadn’t heard him converse with the staff, but neither had he been rude to anyone. The way Martha and Jack, two of the oldest employees, talked about him with such confidence and then the biggest of all– how he had treated you since yesterday. The only word that sufficed? Careful.

Shaking your head to dispel the notion of the man being anything good, you lowered yourself onto the parapet of the corridor, the evening sky lighter at the sides and darker down below. Jack had been right. If you really sharpened your ears, you could hear the gurgling of the brook. Your legs carried you down the parapet and the corridor, out into the ground after that. And by the time you reached the pier over the brook, night had already shrouded the woods before you.

Dangling your feet over the edge just like earlier, you eased your hands behind you, supporting your weight on them. The brook gurgled, the trees rustled and the wind whistled so rhythmically that your loneliness itself melted into contentment. The questions pelting your brain stopped.

“Not trying to drown yourself today?”

You wanted to smile at the sound of his voice.

“If it ain’t the guy-in-the-woods,” you announced, not turning.

“Hey yourself, scary-lady.” He lowered himself next to you on the pier. “You look… chipper tonight.”

You shrugged. “A girl can’t always be thinking of blood, right?”

He laughed at that, carefree and you envied him, so, so much for being able to laugh the way summer felt.

“How did you find me? Please don’t tell me you’re tailing me.”

He put his hands up. “Oh, no. Total chance. I was fishing upstream. Good season for salmon.”

He smelled like fish a little bit, plus the end of his jeans and the sleeves of his jacket were soaked. And somehow, you just knew he was telling the truth.

“You catch any?”

He screwed up his face sheepishly. “One. But then it slipped right out of my hands and I got all wet trying to catch it again. I figured if it was brave enough to escape the mighty me, maybe it deserved to live.”

“So you suck at fishing.”

“No!” He protested, seriously offended. “I’m practically God-level. You just caught me on an off day.”

“Right.”

You observed him carefully, the fine lines at the corner of his eyes, the precise shade of his light brown hair and it all felt familiar. Not the way one feels after knowing a person for long, but in the sense that the features reminded you of another person, maybe a painting.

“What?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” you said, coming clean. “I actually came down here hoping to find you.”

“Me?” But he didn’t sound surprised.

“Yeah.” You kept your eyes focused on his hand, on the pulsing vein in the thin crease where his thumb met the index finger. “I didn’t set out to kill myself that day, you know? Just to run away; and not from a person. I wanted to run away from my own head… and I guess… the only way to do that is to… well… you know…”

He gazed into the distance, seeing things beyond the trees. “The only way to truly run away from yourself is to face yourself, isn’t it? But I’ve been there… I know that urge.”

“I guess… I just wanted to thank you for the other night. I… I haven’t felt like I could talk to anyone since… since a very long time.” Not since Carmen.

“Hey?” The softness to his voice prompted you to look into his eyes. “You ever feel like you wanna talk? Light a lamp on the corridor in front of your room and I’ll come find you here.”

Too relieved to care if you came across as desperate, you whispered, “really?”

“Yeah. I think it’s high enough that I can see it from all the way across the brook.”

“Is that where you live?”

He winked, “Wouldn’t you want to know, so you could send those wolves after me.”

Snickering, you shoved his arm. “I don’t even know your name.”

“I’ll tell you my name the day you tell Sam that you sneaked off to meet me.”

The smile slid completely off your face. “So he could tie me up in his basement?”

It was his turn to snicker. “I don’t think Sam’s that kinky, but who the hell can say?”

That. That right there was why this man you had met only once before felt like a friend already. He could joke about things like that without insulting or pitying you… treating you like an equal just like that first night.

And you snickered with him, at the absurdity of the conversation.

“We should come up with names for one another. You know, suitable for secret rendezvous,” he suggested.

“Thelma and Louise,” you deadpanned.

He looked unimpressed. “If this is your idea of a joke, it’s very morbid given the conversation we just had.”

“Admit it… it’s funny.”

“Alright,” he gave in with an eye roll. “A little. But I’m thinking more like Han Solo and Chewbacca.”

“Sounds good, Chewie.”

“You’re Chewie!” He protested. “I’m the good-looking badass. Hell, I have a ride as sweet as the millennium falcon.”

Who was this guy? You wished so bad that you knew, but with gun-wielding men protecting the property, you understood his necessity to stay anonymous. “Okay, Han! Have it your way.” 

The thought of gun-wielding security reminded you that you needed to get back to the room before they came looking. You got to your feet.

“Good luck fishing, Han.”

He jumped up as well. “You take care of yourself, Chewie.”

You left him standing there at the edge of the water, feeling lighter than you had felt in days, or months, or even years. When was the last time you’d had the privilege of walking by yourself, barefoot in the grass without having a man following you around? When was the last time you saw the sunset at the horizon knowing that the night wouldn’t bring any horrors? You had food when you wanted it, the right to wear whatever you wanted to. You had been so obsessed with hating Sam all these days that you hadn’t stopped to think about the kind of freedom he had allowed you. No, you didn’t want to be grateful to him, but how could you not be that when your day ended in silk sheets instead of stinky cots? 

Abby reprimanded you in her own way for disappearing like you had. You didn’t mind, letting her unload her worry with tuts and disapproving huffs while you stuffed down another one of Martha’s amazing dinners. 

The day had been one rollercoaster to another. Starting too early at breakfast with Sam and ending at the chat with Han. You couldn’t pinpoint it precisely, but when Han talked about Sam, there was a certainty in his words. Laying back on your pillow, you thought over everything you had learned today, wondering why any of it mattered to you. It made sense before, to gather as much information as possible about the man who owned you because your survival might have depended on it. But now? Why did it matter now when you knew very well that Sam didn’t want you dead, neither was the connecting door opening anytime soon. Why were you so curious about him to pounce on unsuspecting cooks and men wandering in the woods to understand the man?

Admonishing yourself, you turned off the bedside lamp and knocked on the frame behind you as a force of habit.

I-T-S  G-O-I-N-G  T-O  B-E  O-K-A-Y.  Y-O-U-L-L  B-E  F-I-N-E

G-O-O-D  N-I-G-H-T

Just as you closed your eyes, the knocks sounded on the other side:

N-O  P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S  T-O-D-A-Y?

Your heart made itself very known in the next second, each beat distinct.

Raising yourself on your elbow you glared at the wall over you. Hating him had been so much easier than this tangle of emotions you felt for him now. So, the taps that followed were loud.

N-O

A whole minute passed. Before you could jump to conclusions about having said the wrong thing to him, came another series of raps.

G-O-O-D  N-I-G-H-T.  H-O-P-E  Y-O-U  S-L-E-E-P  B-E-T-T-E-R  T-H-A-N  L-A-S-T  N-I-G-H-T

You wanted to hate him so bad. And you hated that you didn’t.

*****************************

A/N 2: Let me tell you, things only escalate from here and I think in a good way :)

Please do let me know if you liked this part. Reblogs and comments are what keep me going!

If you want be tagged, you can send me an ask or you can add yourself to the taglist here.

Or here’s my side blog @percywinchester27-writes. You can give that blog a follow and turn the notifications on to know about updates.

TNWM taglist:

@cosicas-cuquis​  @daughterleftbehind​  @maliburenee​  @spn730015​  @aeo10fan​  @stoneyggirl2​  @houseforwhores​  @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​  @linki-locks11​  @cookiechipdough​  @impalaimagining​  @gabavaldman​  @multifandom-slxt​  @chalicia​  @mrswhozeewhatsis​  @likhelbentin  @vividreader  @mackiemcb​  @qveenmikaelson​  @lightchesters​  @deanwanddamons​  @bluedragonflylady  @daddys-littlewhitegirl​  @mlovesstories​  @sams-bubblegum-bitch​  @chinosherlock​  @hoboal87​  @sandlee44​ @mariaenchanted​  @little-x-wolf​  @theanniewisegirl​ @supraveng​  @i-is-for-inspiring​  @fandom-princess-forevermore​  @sammedeansandwhich  @trexrambling​  @wittysunflower  @strawberryycows​  @joseyrw​  @agenthellcat  @lacilou​  @giggles1026​  @aloneatpeace

#sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #sam winchester #sam love club #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester reader insert #sam winchester x you #sam x you #sam x y/n #sam winchester x y/n #reader x sam winchester #Ana writes Sam #anawrites #anawritesspn #tnmw5 #Ana writes tnmw #suicide ideation mention #q