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#its honestly not a new thing but its gotten to the point where
lestappenforever · 3 days
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After properly waking up (and finally not having any more wake up for the race till Vegas, WE DID IT), here’s a bit if my analysis of the race, which is my favourite so far, a bit even more than Japan, because of its chaos and emotions
First, hometown hero. Zhou was not driving the car based on anything, other than pure emotion. He was living his dream in a way that I wish everyone could one day, honestly I’ve been emotional since that sprint shootout when he reached SQ3 and so proud that he is making history and realising his dream. On a more technical aspect, Sauber meed to get their shit together, the car is not good, and the fact that we celebrate them having a pit stop less than 5 seconds is so disappointing. They need to get it together to get points and be in that fight.
Nico Hulkenberg is a Goat, there I said it. The way he is taking that Haas places is just phenomenal, and honestly I think he deserves a proper team, and he so deserves to be on a podium, more than just one time. Kevin had an okay race, except of course, for ruining Yuki’s. But if K-Mag did not get his shit together, Ollie very easily could replace him next year, especially since Komatsu is no Guenther, and he will not have the mentality of fucking the youngster over.
RB’s weekend was going very well, in terms of race not sprint, that sprint was not great, but the circuit is not for them, and it’s Yuki’s first time there, so an off weekend (a normal one) was not going to be the worst thing in the world. But the way the race played out, with Kevin knocking Yuki out if the race with a stupid crash, destroying his race, and then Fernando locking up and hence lance knocks Daniel out with a crash that was so easy to prevent if he was focused on the car in front of him instead of the apex during the time of a safety car returning to the pit, the pack all close together and still getting up to speed. Yeah, that sucked for them, Daniel especially who was in contention of points. But other than that, the strategy was kind if fucked up, but it could have been saved at the end if it were not for both Astons.
As I said last race week, the Alpines are slowly but surely getting better. They started having pace today, and even if it were anyone else other than Nico, Esteban could have gotten points, but Nico Masterclass. This season is showing who is the leader of the French team, and it’s Estie. He’s extracting every single once if pace in that car, even if there isn’t any, and is showing that he’s the one. Pierre, tbh is getting better as well, but not to the Esteban level of almost Q3 and potentially points. Actually I feel like Pierre has not given much (expect for the Dutch GP last year) where he’s showing that the move to Alpine was a right choice for him.
George is impressive, and I hate to say it, more that Lewis is. He’s getting out everything out of the car, and I feel is working harder to keep Mercedes alive this season, with both the sprint and the race, with snagging that last point in the sprint from a shit quali, to an impressive performance in a track that doesn’t suit the new Mercedes cars, and trying his damn best all weekends, I’m genuinely impressed and proud of him, especially with the way he’s working to show the team that he could be a leader. Meanwhile I feel like Lewis is just trying to finish the year to go to Maranello, granted he’s trying, but I feel George is working harder.
McLaren, I have mixed emotions, Oscar was okay, again his first time on that track, but when compared to Lando, he did okay, not great. Lando was actually phenomenal, pulling that one stop, and doing so well in that, holding Checo back almost half of the race, he should be extremely proud of himself. And on that note, I love seeing Adam Norris down when Lando and Max are on the podium, I feel he’s proud of his son, but also Max, and I am just so happy and giddy
Ferrari, Idk what to feel. On one hand, Charles was phenomenal, but on the other, all these plans just give me anxiety, again, pulling that one stopper, but Checo got him, in a track that doesn’t feel of seem suited for the car, actually impressed. Carlos however, seemed to have gotten in his head, from saying yesterday that if he got Max he would have won the sprint, to the unnecessary fight with Charles on the sprint, he’s getting cocky, and that won’t help his situation of getting into a good team next year.
Red Bull, I AM SO FUCKING IMPRESSED AND I CANNOT BEGIN TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS TEAM AND AM SO PROUD OF THEM. Max was just phenomenal, despite the sprint quali that was apparently not so great because the car was not set up for rain. Simply because the forecast didn’t show much rain. As for the race, damn I can’t believe the team did that, 2 perfect double stacks with a total pit stop time of 8 for changing 16 tyres. The pit crew are the actual heroes today. Checo you could see that he’s disappointed, and that shows how much he’s comfortable in the car, and how at one he is with the team, in addition to knowing the stakes at hand. But nonetheless, he was phenomenal in a weekend that according to him, wasn’t great. But yeah, this race was just amazing and chaotic and tbh, I love this chaos. And up next Miami, what will each one do, especially since Max never got pole there (just like Jeddah). We shall see
(Also, hoping the girls next race have a good weekend, especially the Red Bull girls, not because they’re Re Bull, I’ve been impressed by Hamda since COTA last year, and I called she’ll be the RBR girl)
I have nothing to add to any of this, so I'll just leave it in all its glory as it is. ❤️
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yongseungkim · 15 days
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#like i definitely need therapy lol#not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps#so im trying to reach out again because holy shit#i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships#but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own#i have good friends i know who will hear me out#but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear#and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like#once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr#i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud#so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol .#but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part#i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice#but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own#im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change#if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally#and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe#i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions#bro its also been like so long#i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp#*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u .#but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all#like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi#feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore#like i just want it all to stop!#i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore#the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like#SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD.#ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?
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mrwavellswaps · 4 months
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Step-Bro Switch Up! (Re-Upload)
Instead of a new story this week I’ve decided to re-upload an old favourite instead. As some of you may or may not know, the original version was completely wiped from the surface of the internet by Tumblr to the point where there wasn’t even a trace of its existence. I wasn’t even notified of this when it happened which feels like it’s own separate issue considering it was my biggest ever story but I digress. I thought that now might be the appropriate time to re-unleash this story upon the world and allow those who loved the original to enjoy it once again and for those who never got a chance to read the original to discover it for the first time. That said I’m hoping to come out with some new and fresh content very soon but in the meantime I hope you all enjoy this return of an old classic!
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I found myself waking up at 6:30am in the morning which was rather unusual for me but not so much for my body. I soon realised why though as a low rumble came from my stomach. With a sigh I slid out of bed, trying not to wake the other sleeping jock beside me in the process. I didn’t even bother putting on underwear, instead walking to the kitchen buck naked.
I waltzed up to the fridge, opening it up before pulling out a carton of juice. After taking a few huge gulps I lick my lips and let out a deep belch. Next thing I’m rummaging through to see what I can make for breakfast. Had to make sure I kept this big body fed after all. Can’t let all my step-brother’s hard work go to waste. Confused? Well let me start at the beginning…
———
A few years back not long after I turned 20 my mom met a guy named Devin who she soon started dating. Pretty big guy with a bearish ex-jock physique. He was 45 at the time so a similar age to my mom and they seemed to get along great. I certainly didn’t mind having some extra dilf eye candy around the house every now and then. I soon learned however that Devin was also a single Dad with a 22 year old son which certainly peaked my interest.
When I first met him I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. He introduced himself as Sam but I was almost too hypnotised by his looks to notice. He was the perfect image of a star college jock with enormous well rounded muscles that bulged under his clothes while standing at an imposing 6’3, practically dwarfing my lean 5’8 frame. And of course he was devilishly handsome too because the hot body wasn’t already enough, even having a great full beard that I was jealous of. I even remember how I had to hide my pulsing boner after he pulled me in for a quick bro hug, his manly scent getting caught in my nostrils.
After that Sam became a frequent part of my jerk off fantasies. Could you blame me? Not only was he the epitome of masculinity but my god did he have an incredible ass. Whenever Sam had his back turned I couldn’t help but have my eyes glued to those massive globes, no doubt stretching whatever pants he was wearing. Honestly I felt truly blessed to be able to spend time around such a man.
Anyway fast forward about two years and my mom had already gotten married to Devin. It was an amazing ceremony but for half of it all I could think about was how me and Sam were now Step-Brothers. We were truly intertwined now. I didn’t think the idea of that would turn me on as much as it did. That fucking hunk, my brother.
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Shortly after the wedding however, the roommate Sam had been sharing an apartment with decided to move out and live with his new partner. At first Sam had been considering downsizing to a smaller apartment but when he brought this up I knew this was my chance. I pounced on the opportunity and told him I’d been thinking of moving out for awhile and that it’d be cool to spend some more time with my new brother if he was down for that. To my excitement he actually accepted and the next thing I know I’m moving my stuff out of my moms house and into Sam’s apartment. I was surprised at how clean it all was for the most part. Then again Sam wasn’t your typical dumb jock either, he always seemed very mature and put together.
The two of us got on pretty well living together. We tried to respect each other’s space and chatted a lot as good friends. Luckily I did well to hide my excitement whenever I saw him walking around shirtless, showing off his huge hairy chest, or god forbid only a pair of tight boxer briefs. The day I first saw that was the day I nearly creamed myself on the spot. Oh and while I respected his space when he was around, whenever I was home alone I couldn’t help but give into the devil on my shoulder before rummaging through his room. I tried not to take anything but every time without fail I’d sift through his dirty laundry, pulling out whatever sweaty clothes I could find and relishing in the smell.
For about 6 months that’s how my life was. Living under the same roof as my hot step-bro while trying not to let him see my dirty secret. That is until I found a certain little spell online. Pretty much I’d been searching up some fetishy body swapping stuff online and ended up stumbling across some weird body swapping ritual. Of course I didn’t believe it but the masses of comments on the page claiming it to have worked peaked my interest.
Next thing I know I’m up in the middle of the night waiting until I was certain that Sam was asleep before sneaking into his room. It didn’t take long for me to find the pair of yellow underwear he’d had on that day, giving it a quick sniff before stuffing it in my pocket and retreating back to my room. Once there I was able to start the ritual. I placed the underwear in the middle of a circle I’d drawn on the floor surrounded by candles before chanting some magical phrases that were supposed to enchant them. I can’t tell you how stupid I felt at that moment but I continued on anyway, finishing everything I needed to say before grabbing the underwear again. At that point all I had to do was wear it.
I yanked on Sam’s ‘enchanted’ yellow briefs with the hope that my wish would come true but as I’d expected, nothing happened. With a sigh I cleaned up the mess I’d made with this ritual stuff, feeling like an idiot as I did before heading to bed. I decided to keep Sam’s oversized briefs on though because just wearing them was making me hard even if I was still myself. I remember I’d begun to jack off in them, imagining how hot it’d be to see him wearing them after I’d stained them with my cum. That is until a wave of tiredness swelled across my body and before I knew it I was fast asleep.
It seems I must’ve underestimated that ritual because overnight something truly magical took place. When I awoke I already knew something was off when I noticed my feet hanging off the edge of my bed. I sat up in confusion only to feel much heavier than normal while looking down the bed to see a pair of much larger feet. Next thing I yank off my bed sheets only to find a massive, hairy, muscular body that certainly wasn’t my own.
Right away I was running my hands along the ridges of my abs before grasping the heft of my giant new pecs, loving all the fur as I was previously rather hairless. Jumping out of bed I was quick to discover that my lower body was just as hairy and impressive with huge quads, and impressive calves. And then it started to hit me. I didn’t realise it at first as I’d never seen it from this angle but these giant legs, these bulging arms, these bulbous pecs… they all seemed exactly like Sam’s! I was even still wearing his briefs which now clung tightly to my form as I didn’t fail to notice the familiar bulge in the front. Only… it was my bulge!
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At that moment I knew what must’ve happened but my rational mind pleaded that it was impossible. Still I burst out of my room and made a beeline for the bathroom and what I saw in the mirror made me want to cheer, shout and most of all cream my new underwear. I saw none other than the sexy bearded face of my step-brother staring back in disbelief.
As you can imagine I spent the next 20 or so minutes inspecting every inch of my new muscle bound body. I did all sorts of poses to show off my physique in every way, pulled different kinds of weird faces in the mirror, relished in rubbing my hands through the full beard I was never able to grow before. Having the body I’d been lusting over for these past years at my disposal felt like some kind of lucid wet dream. But it was real! From my brother’s handsome face, to his giant muscle ass, to even his fat cock! All mine!
Soon enough I’d yanked off the underwear and started pumping my dick in ecstasy, loving how my hand only just fit the whole way around. Waves of pleasure cascading across my new body as I used my free hand to grope at my hairy pecs, the deep groans I let out only making me hornier. Before I could shoot my new seed however, I heard a scream come from what I can only guess was Sam’s room. Up until now I hadn’t even thought about the real him but judging by that scream I had only one guess as to what’d happened.
Instead of slipping the boxer briefs back on I decided to grab a towel instead and wrap it around my waist. I didn’t want him to think something was up to see me already wearing his clothes after all. With that I turned to the mirror one last time, scanning my face and upper body again with wonder. I still couldn’t get over it.
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Upon entering Sam’s room I was somewhat surprised to see an exact copy of myself stood freaking out at his body. I should’ve been expecting it but it was still extremely weird nonetheless. Then, as he saw me stood in the doorway, he went silent. Naturally he was in shock for a good moment or two but as soon as it passed he began shouting a bunch obscenities at me. Demanding who the fuck I was and how I looked like him. He even tried to punch me which I’ll be honest wasn’t all that scary considering I was now twice his size.
Right then I knew I had a few ways I could go about this. I could admit that I caused this to happen, I could tell him that I had no clue how any of it happened, or even pretend to be completely oblivious and act as if I was really Sam. The horny devil on my shoulder told me to rub it in his face that I now had his irresistible jock body and that he was stuck with my unathletic one but I couldn’t. Sure we weren’t super close or anything but he was always friendly towards me and was never a dickhead so I decided to take it easy on him.
I pretended to be just as confused as he was, saying who I really was but not having any idea how this happened. I think I was pretty convincing. We ended up sitting in his room and discussing it for what felt like hours, going over everything that happened last night as Sam tried to comprehend the situation. Of course he only went on and on about finding a way to fix this and I had to pretend as if I cared, trying not to get distracted by my own body. In fact there were multiple points where I had to keep hiding the tent starting to grow under my towel because of how hot it was to look down and see a shelf of muscle sitting on my chest.
Eventually I was able to convince him that we weren’t going to figure this out any time soon so we had to start thinking about how we were going to live each overs lives. As you can imagine he wasn’t all that fond of this idea, protesting it at first but eventually came to see reason. I suggested we should start discussing all the important details we’d need to know but before that I wanted to get some actual clothes on. I had to try not to grin while telling him to get out of my room while I changed. Though I couldn’t help dropping the towel just before he left and showing off the meaty cock and impressive ass he used to have. I caught him glancing back with a look of envy, the very same look I used to give.
Of course getting dressed in Sam’s clothes was an erotic experience in itself. All of these large shirts, pants, briefs and socks that would’ve swamped my former body now fitting me perfectly. I must’ve spent at least 15 minutes or so just trying on different clothes while jerking my cock a little in between until I heard a knock at the door and my former voice asking what the hell was taking so long. With a sigh I tucked my new toy away and waltzed out in what I was currently wearing. A pair of well fitting black shorts and a large pair of black and white socks. I didn’t bother grabbing a shirt since I just couldn’t help but show off this bod. Could you blame me?
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When he asked what I’d been doing I simply said I was trying on clothes. He knew there was more to it than that but decided he didn’t really wanna know. Instead we opted to both take a seat in the living room and start discussing things. I told him everything he needed to know about my retail job, which wasn’t a whole lot to be honest, as well as my friend group and what my daily routine was like. Afterwards Sam begrudgingly did the same for me, telling me all about his part time job as a fitness instructor at the local gym and that if we were stuck like this then I’m gonna need to learn how all gym equipment works and fast. He also gave me some inside info on his own friend group as well as walking me through what his football practice is like with the team. Part of me was worried hearing all this as I was beginning to wonder if I could really pull off being Sam but at the same time I was excited beyond belief to get into these social situations and convince people of the new me.
Thankfully it was Sunday so neither of us had a whole lot going on that day which gave us plenty of time to think and adjust without stressing. I spent most of it half naked and I loved catching glimpses of Sam glancing at his former body as I showed it off, even getting a little cocky by flexing every now and then which he didn’t appreciate all that much. Honestly I was surprised at how hungry I was as well and just how much I was able to eat. I mean I guess it made sense since a body this big needs a lot of fuel. Sam helped me a little with my meals though, making sure there was a bunch of protein and healthy calories to make sure I was feeding his body correctly. Later that day he also got me to head out for some cardio which I wasn’t too thrilled about at first but I actually kinda enjoyed it once I got running. I especially enjoyed my new sweaty scent that produced during it, not being able to help sniffing my pits when I got back. Of course Sam told me to go get a shower but before I did I couldn’t help swiftly grabbing him and shoving his face into my musky pits, laughing as he squirmed for a moment before letting him go. I apologised after through my laughter though I couldn’t help but smirk subtly as despite his face looking disgusted, the slight bulge in his pants told another story.
The next day however was when the real challenge started. After breakfast Sam gave me a list of what exercises to do at the gym. I’ll be honest I didn’t know half of them and had to look them up on the way. That walk to the gym however was the first time I noticed the difference in my interactions. Before people wouldn’t pay much mind to me but now as I passed people on the street I’d get some smiling and glancing at me, some giving me an envious once over, others even saying hi to me in a bit of a flirty way. Mostly from girls which even though I was gay I still enjoyed the flattery. Once I was at the gym though, I was in the zone. It’s weird but it was like muscle memory took over. I performed each and every exercise perfectly while loving the pump I was getting. Once again I was having to hide my boner at many points since I couldn’t help but get off to how fucking strong I was now. It did and still does feel absolutely incredible!
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Later that day I headed to Sam’s usual football practice with a bunch of his jock friends. Initially I was worried I wouldn’t fit in but I somehow found myself easily slotting into the jockbro mindset and was soon laughing and joking with the boys. It was the same when we started playing, right away it was like my body just moved on its own, knowing exactly what to do and how to play. It was then that I realised I must’ve somehow absorbed a lot of Sam’s skill, know-how and personality when I took his form and I was gradually unlocking it all by putting myself in these situations. Although I don’t think I was playing as well as Sam usually does, not because of a lack of skill but because I was constantly distracted watching all those jock butt’s and bulges squeezed into those football uniforms. Surely at least one of them had to be gay right?
After getting home I found Sam sat on his laptop looking up all sorts of body swapping theory stuff. Of course most of it was fake but he was clearly desperate to get his body back. Sure there might be an off chance he could find the site I used but that a one way transfer according to the spell. Knowing this I told him to not get his hopes up and to just try and make use of the hands we’ve been dealt. As you can imagine he didn’t take that very well at the time.
From then onwards though, I’d say things were pretty easy. I easily convinced my new dad and former mom, now step-mom that I was their good ol hairy jock of a son. I was able to pull off being a fitness instructor with relative ease after going around the gym and using each piece of the equipment to trigger the memories of how to use it properly. I’d convinced all of Sam’s friends inside and outside of the football team that I was him. I’ll say that it took me awhile to fully get used to hearing my new name but whenever I did it was like music to my ears.
I’ve gotta say though, living with the former Sam was more fun than I thought it’d be. I figured it would’ve been weird initially after the switch and that we’d have to go our separate ways but even after just over a week of being Sam I was having so much fun messing with him. For example I almost never wore a shirt around the house, always showing of my huge hairy pecs and whenever I’d catching him staring I’d give a little pec bounce until he looked away in annoyance. I’d frequently pull him in for ‘brohugs’ where I’d either squish him against my chest or trap him under one of my pits until I saw him getting a semi. He’d alway deny having one though which is why I decided to set up a fun little experiment.
Turns out that Ian, one of the other jocks on the football team, was in-fact gay. Wasn’t hard to decipher after noticing his frequent glances at my ass in locker room, not that I can blame him, and how much he blushed when I gave his jock butt a slap after practice. Next thing you know we’re making out under the locker room showers while groping up each overs bodies. It was insane since before I would’ve considered Ian to be light years out of my league but now I had him on his knees with his lips wrapped around my shaft to which I then soon returned the favour. It was here that I got my experiment idea.
Yesterday after practice, I pulled Ian aside and asked him to come back to my place. He was quick to agree and before you know it we were stumbling into mine and Sam’s shared apartment. My former body jumped up off the couch and asked what Ian was doing here. ‘To have some fun’ I believe my response was being making out with Ian in front of him and dragging the other jock back towards Sam’s-well my bedroom. As Ian and I stumbled onto the bed, kissing along each overs bodies as we slowly undressed, I made sure to leave the door open just a crack.
One thing lead to another and before long Ian had his face buried into a pillow as I buried my cock in his ass and I made no attempt to be subtle about, groaning and grunting and my balls smacked against that supple butt. Throughout our amazing fuck session I made sure to keep glancing back at the door and finally I caught exactly what I was waiting for. I saw none other than Sam peeking through the crack in the door and lightly tugging at my former dick. That was all the confirmation I needed that my little bro was just as much of a homo as I was no matter how much he wanted to deny it.
———
And that more or less brings us up to the present, waking up early in the morning with Ian fast asleep beside me and being called into the kitchen by my growling stomach. As I searched through the fridge to see what else I could find to satisfy my hunger, I heard a cough coming from behind. Whipping my head around I saw none other than Sam with a judgmental look on his face.
“Don’t gimme that look, you’ve seen all this before.” I say, shaking my hairy ass a little before flexing. Sam rolled his eyes. “No no no don’t act like you don’t love seeing me show off your body, I saw you peeking in on me and Ian last night.”
Sam’s face went bright red. “W-w-what? N-no I didn’t!”
Immediately I shushed him, not wanting to wake Ian before stepping closer. “Oh come on don’t lie, I know you jacked off to it. So what was your favourite bit? The part when you got to see me using your body to pound into another buff dude and fill his ass with your cum? Or the part where you watched Ian totally dominate me afterwards and go to town on your former hairy bubble ass?” By this point Sam was completely speechless knowing that he’d been caught.
With that I lifted up an arm, exposing one of my pits to him but this time I didn’t shove him in it. “Go on, you know you want to. You can try and hide it all you want but you love seeing me show off your body, you love watching me adopt all your little habits, you love watching me slip perfectly into you jocky lifestyle. Just embrace it lil’ bro” He stares at me then at my pit. I could see it in his eyes. Pure lust. And then just as I’d hoped, he gave in to it. I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear as he voluntarily presses his nose into my pit, huffing my musk like a drug. I was even more surprised when he pulled away and immediately dropped to his knees, drooling at the sight of his former cock.
“C…can I suck it?” He asked while grasping it gently in his hand.
“Only if you agree to only address me as Sam from now on, even when we’re alone.” I state looking down at his hungry eyes. He nods in compliance and with that I put a hand on the back of his head and press him down onto my dick, letting him slobber all over it. “But don’t get too used to this. I’m planning on making Ian my boyfriend in the future and I wanna be faithful ya know. So enjoy it while it lasts.”
With that everything has finally fallen into place. The old Sam has finally accepted our new roles, I’ve assumed my new identity perfectly and I might even have a hot new boyfriend soon. My life couldn’t be anymore perfect right now…
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themoonsbeloved · 4 months
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I still need help
Its now the 8th of January and despite being told by my friend who spoke with her boss 3 weeks ago during their meeting that he was to hire me in the beginning of January and would reach out to me, he hasn't. I'm hoping somehow, eventually, when this man finally bothers to, he will contact me for a job offer since he reassured me back in november that he still intends to hire me. But since I have no idea when that will be, that means I'm left hanging completely.
long story short I am mentally ill and disabled who was dismissed from my last and only job that I struggled 2 years to get, only to be fired in 2 months in June because of my chronic fatigue and abusive managers. I rely a lot on my henna but bookings are not consistent enough to make regular income, and majority of the money ends up going to contributing to house bills for my family.
My therapy picks up again this week, very honestly been the only thing keeping me from harming myself at this point with how painful life has been and I want to be able to continue getting it low cost (£25 per session), my therapist is so amazing and we recently came to the understanding that I have complex-PTSD, and plan to look into it more this year. I'm too mentally ill to try and look for jobs right now and am basically doing 3 jobs already (one being joint caring duties with family members for my grandparents since I live with them, which I'm not paid for obviously) with inconsistent money coming in/sessional work that I will be paid for once completed further into the year.
I have so many other costs that are coming in the near future, like paying for more medication, and for more lazer hair removal sessions for my severe hirsutism, which usually is around £300 if I'm lucky to catch offers. This is another I thing I mentally can't afford to stop doing, struggling with severe hirsutism and the trauma of it all my life means its important I can feel and live somewhat comfortably in my body. Lazer hair isn't permanent and I'm looking into electrolysis, but again, I don't have that money yet and would prefer to not leave a huge gap where I don't do lazer and the mental torture of watching my body hair grow back. I also haven't gotten my eyes checked in over 3 years, and know I will need a change in perscription and need new glasses. I hate nothing more than what its come to. I'm just exhausted and burnt out from the constant anxiety and depressive episodes, I'm barely eating or sleeping, I'm sick of everything and everyone and I just wish god would give me a break.
With all of the above in mind I'm aiming for about £600. This is all basically to help me just function and continue getting the things that help me not succumb to my mental health issues. If anything, my birthday's coming up in feb so I would appreciate it if folks gave some money if they have the means to. Anything is fine at this point.
Thank you so much
https://paypal.me/iffiia?country.x=GB&locale.x=en_GB
£0/£600
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It had only been a few days since your partner left for their business trip, but you were already going stir crazy. You were spending the whole day tempering your ravenous, insatiable libido. Every inch of you boiled. Toys refused to satisfy.
Climbing into the shower, it was hard not to be turned on just looking at yourself. Your erect nipples, idle playthings for your horny mind. Minutes in and all that work cleaning yourself would be undone. So you'd rinse and repeat.
In your room you found your partner's favourite set of lingerie: a matching set of black, lacey panties and a bra. It had only been a few days since you last wore them, but you could already feel yourself spill out more than usual. What were once large, but perky tits were now heavy hanging breasts that sat snug, snugger than usual, in that delicate fabric.
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Nights turned to days as you roamed your house alone. But it wasn't long before your concerns were vindicated. Your breasts had gotten larger. In fact, they continued to grow. Veins pushed their way to the surface as the skin around your tits stretched thinner.
But it wasn't the only thing growing.
You honestly thought it was just bloat. Anxious that a few days of unaccompanied eating and wanking had you gaining weight, your belly surged forward from where you were used to. But after two weeks and the bloat refusing to pass, you knew more was going on.
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Throwing on a sports bra, you tried to hide your growing tits and belly. A grey, oversized tracksuit followed over and with a pair of sunglasses the look was complete as you venture out into the world to find some clarity.
You arrived at a pharmacy. The woman at the counter greeted you as you walked in. You smiled politely but bit your lip as you saw her. She was short, a little shorter than you, chunky with a black bob. Thick in all the right ways.
Terrified, you tried to hide your arrousal and your belly.
You smiled back and asked "Can i get a pregnancy test?" your words fell away as your mumble through the last of your sentence.
"I'm sorry, i didn't quite catch that." She said with a smile that said 'i heard you but I want to make you say it out loud.'
Your face was bright red. The woman behind the counter carelessly looking you over like a piece of meat. "A pregnancy test. I need one." You conceed, pointing past her to the display behind the counter.
"Oh, I'm sorry miss." She snarked, reaching back to grab one, "I didn't think someone so far along would needs that."
Your face and pussy burnt. "H-how dare you!" You half moan at her, looking around to see if anyone had heard. You were both alone.
But before you could break into a full tyrade, you looked down at yourself for the first time since you stepped into the store. You had grown since the drive here. And you were huge. The sweat shirt did nothing to hide your size, the front pulled taught by the size of your growing belly.
You cried, "Oh my god!" Before running... well, waddling to the bathroom. You tripped and stumbled as you adjusted to your new centre of gravity. You locked the door behind you and peeled back your slowly shrinking sweat shirt.
You looked full term. 9 months pregnant. Your belly button had popped. Your ass had widened, and your belly grew so naturally from your plump form you wondered how you had ever looked without it.
As you raised your shirt to reveal yourself your hand brushed against your breasts. Its swollen flesh threatened to spill out and over your tight sports bra. You carefully pulled the bra up and over, careful not to put too much pressure on your very sore breasts. Regardless, each nipple slowly trickled beads of milk down your body.
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Your pussy craved satisfaction. It ate at you, filling your mind with fog. You were one part petrified, but 9 parts severely turned on. And what little scared you onlu turnes you on more. What if someone caught you?
With a hand you slid up and squeezes one of your engorged breasts. Milk splattered across the mirror. You moaned as you watched your reflection play with herself.
But a knock at the door brought you crashing back to earth. "Ma'am?" The clerk called from behind the door.
"Y-yeah?" Your voice hinted at the pleasure you're so desperate to return to.
"I hate to bother you. But that stall is for paying customers only. And, like I said. I dont think you need this test."
"I can't come out right now." You said back.
"Do you need help?" She asked, genuinely concerned.
You hesitsted for a moment.
"Can you get some oil, some napkins and a clean shirt? I'll pay for them!"
You could hear her voice catch at the strangle request. "O-Okay?"
Eventually she returned. You unlocked the door a crack and let her pass the items through. But in the corner of your eye, in the reflection of the window, you see her face looking back. She saw you, tits, belly and all. Her face turned bright red as she slams the backroom door shut.
Flustered your deslerately scramble to clean yourself up. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." You hurridly cry.
Her voice turned into a long and uncertain "uuuhhhhh" as she tried to find the words to describe how she's feeling. "The ummm. The bathroom is kinda gross. Did yo-did you want to use the staff room?" She finally utters. "Its just me here. Perfectly safe."
You sigh. Tired, hungry and heavy, and in desperste need of being milked, you agree. Slipping the white shirt she gave you on, you couldn't deny it left little to the imagination.
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Quickly you open the door and slip awkwardly through the pharmacy. Your belly and tits swinging as you do. The wet stains around your nipples getting larger, revealing your dark areolas underneath. After what felt like an eternity of exposure you cross the threshold and slip into the backroom of the store. The clerk quickly closing in behind.
She pulls up a large office chair and gestures you to sit down. You happil oblige, resting your monsterous belly on your lap and your leaking breasts on your belly. The sigh of relief came involentarily as you thank her.
Her smile turned from carring to ceniving as she locks the door behind her. "Now we're alone, I need you to take that top off."
"E-excuse m-me?"
The pharmacist drops down to her knees and begins kissing your enormous belly. "Big girl, you're going nowhere like this. I heard the noises you made. And i know you think i'm cute. Come on." She says, lifting your struggling shirt and sweezing oil into her hands. "Be a good girl for me."
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You couldn't help but yelp at her touch, but something about her stern stare made you melt. Between your partner being gone and your sudden pregnancy, you were keen for something certain. Your body relaxed as she went.
She lifted your shirt off completely and exposed your collosal breasts. Rounded, swolen with milk, yet so large they flopped to either side of your mamoth belly. Pinned beneath it, stuck in this chair, the pharmacist had her way with you.
She dragged a tongue up your belly, around your breasts, lapping up stray milk. She sent shivered down your spine. Thrulls of pleasure followed too as she latched onto your swolen nipple. She sucked. Your nipples, raw and wanting, felt a wash of instant relief as you felt your warm milk release from its prison.
Your stray hand reached low, past your belly, in search of your pussy. You were dripping wet. You dove deep into yourself to lube up your finger and began rubbing your clit. You moaned as the gorgeous woman sucked away at your breasts, still rubbing lotion on your belly.
You quickly fell into the pit of pleasure. Your pace was steady and you begged her to keep going. With your other hand you took hold of your spare and swollen tit and squeezed. A yelp jumped from your lips. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as your sprayed milk across the back room.
It wasn't long before the pleasure built to a breaking point. You tried to hunch forward but your belly got in the way. You let go of your tit and gripped the desk beside you as hard as you could as you reach climax.
For the first time in weeks you finally felt satisfied. Panting and sweating you look over at your new friend with a greatful smile. She returns the feeling.
But as you stand to leave your legs give out. Not just regular jelly legs, you look down and realise you've only gotten larger. Your belly stretches out to your knees, and your breasts fall down by your side. You can see them swelling with fresh milk. Your thighs have grown and your fat ass is stuck in the chair.
You look up helplessly at the pharmacist as she kneels down between your legs and vanished behind your belly.
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fortheloveofkonig · 11 months
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Hello, hope you're having a good day/night
I was wondering if I could request the 141 x Male reader, they know alot of medical like they use their knowledge of the human body against anyone whom threatens them (or people the care about). They aren't a medic are doctor parday but have extensive knowledge of the field that helps the team. Seem cold uncaring and ruthless but if anyone of them is injured its like a total switch of 'mom bear mode' checking them over the gentle hands and worry.
(Kinda of trope of don't mess with the doctor lol)
Summary: TF 141 reacts to Reader who knows a frightening amount of medical knowledge.
Note: I'm going to do this as more of a headcanons type of post ^^ hope this is good enough! ^^ I did 95% of this all in the last 2 hours
Content: Medical speak, Injuries, Slight Torture, Slightly Bad Medical Research, But I Did Research. Roach Talks.
Word Count: 1085
TF 141 x Knowledgeable in Medic Field M! Reader
Ghost
Probably first heard about your knowledge from Soap talking to him about how terrifying it is to see it come into play
Doesn't believe him.
You've always been good at what you do but have never shown any previous knowledge or interest in the medical field so, who can blame him?
There was also no way you could've went to medical school unless you were years above your usual education range
He finally sees it come into play when you two were 'interrogating' someone.
"If you're gonna stab, don't do it right there. Price said he needs to stay alive."
Ghost looks at you, annoyed. "I've stabbed many people and seen many people survive stab wounds of surrounding areas."
"In lower places of the abdomen and with quicker medical care, if you do it there" You point to where he had the knife, pointed at the tied up man's skin. "It could puncture an intestine and we will be fucked. If you want to stab, move the knife below the belly button...about right... right there. Do not remove the knife once it pierces through."
He did as you said, with questions, but still followed your lead.
From then on he watched everything you did, even noticing that you took care of some of the rookies that ended up with minor cuts and damage that wasn't enough to bother the medics with.
Needless to say, he also ended up coming to you for some patch ups, mostly when he wanted to keep his new damage a secret from Price.
He ended up finding it kind of hot during the interrogation thing so he often asked to do things like that with you again.
Soap
Honestly, probably figured out about your medical knowledge after he was being a dumbass with explosives and almost got hurt.
"Go change into some shorts and a tank top." Your voice was in a serious tone as you went to grab a nearby first aid kit.
"Already wanting to see me strip?"
You just glared at him until he actually left and did what was told.
Despite having only a few scratches, you still cleaned them up as best as you could.
You also went on a rant about it too, about how dumb he was
"Do you realize how dumb you are? What if you actually made a big explosion and a piece of shrapnel flew and hit one of the carotid arteries in your neck?
"My What?"
"Do you realize how fast you would've died? Why weren't you wearing any protective gear?"
"I'm pretty bad at forgetting protection."
If looks could kill, he'd be dead.
That was not the last time you had to clean his wounds, he seems to be a magnet for them.
Asks you more about medical stuff, just to get an idea on how much you know.
You know a lot.
Unsure at this point if he hurts himself in new ways just to hear you yell at him for what dumb way he could've gotten himself killed this time.
Gaz
He falls out of helicopters a lot, that's the truth. What's one more time?
This time (and somehow not the last?) he ended up hurting his foot, you were there the whole time when it happened.
When the both of you were both safe in the safety of a van, you got him to put his leg up so you could check it.
"This is stupid" He mutters, "It's nothing more than it has been in the past."
"Shush, let me concentrate" You mutter feeling around his bootless ankle, nodding your head when you hear him hiss at a pointed touch.
"Any pain when you walk on it?"
"Possibly....yes."
"I'm gonna say it's a sprain for now but I think we should take you to the infirmary after we get back to base. Doesn't seem dislocated. Possible fracture though."
It was just a sprain
Was surprised when you spoke fluent...doctor to the doctor.
Honestly felt like a little kid in the doctor's office, watching his parent's converse with the Doctor telling them what was wrong.
Wouldn't have it any other way.
Price
Always knew, almost nothing gets by him unnoticed
Was probably one of the reasons he wanted you on the task force.
He knows how soap and gaz the boys are
Has you teaching rookies how to probably put a tourniquet on.
"What the fuck are you doing? That's not how I taught you."
The rookie you were speaking to just looked down at the dummy that they were working on and the tourniquet, "It looks-"
"Terrible! He's still bleeding out! Retry it."
Definitely has to sit in on these sessions, some rookies have complained to him that you take it too far.
You always just use the excuse that if those were real people and not training dummies, they'd be at fault for letting them die.
He agrees with you.
The rookie looks over at Price.
"Get to it. He told you to retry it. The man is bleeding out."
Mostly just sits in because it's less complaints now that he is showing he agrees with you in front of everyone.
Roach
This fucker needs a friend that has medical knowledge
Much like Soap, it seems like he is a wound magnet
Was probably the first of the 141 that you had to go full protective, medical knowledge out and work on him.
Man's like a tank too, no matter what the day brings to him it seems he's just able to walk it off
You don't let him
"You're limping, sit down."
He just waves it off, "'m good."
"Like hell you are." You walk up to him and grab his wrist, dragging him to a nearby chair and pushing him onto it. "Stay or I'll have Ghost lay on you."
Does not stay.
You cannot get Ghost to lay on him.
You just end up pelting pillows at him until he joins into a pillow fight, and you both end up getting exhausted.
"I'll rest right here."
"Good."
Stubborn but still okay with medical help
Often comes to you with oddly specific questions.
"Hypothetically, if a car blew up in the near vicinity of where I was at, what is the possible health issues that could arise?"
"Well, burn marks obviously, depending on the distance it could be any degree. If it was enough to knock you over, then a possible concussion. Depending if you hit the ground and hard enough, possible broken or fractured bones. Not to even mention the possible pieces of metal and glass flying, and just blast trauma in general. Could cause damage to internal organs with enough force."
"Okay, so...hypothetically, if that happened, I should go to the infirmary?"
"Roach, were you next to a car when it blew up?"
"..."
"Gary???"
You immediately dragged him to the infirmary.
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gorgeouslypink · 5 months
Note
hey pink!
i was hoping you could offer some encouragement and advice to me. basically the entire luckyvoidgirl thing yesterday, i acctually liked her success story, it made sense to me and i even listened to cee's subliminal and my parents ended up saying i don't have to go to this dumb event i was dreading so im even seeing successes with it
the thing was she said something that i can't stop thinking about. she said that a lot of tumblr is just misinformation and that the original blog that brought the void to tumblr was divineangelbee and she was exposed for lying about the void. everyone just copied whatever she said and kept spreading the same stuff she put out but her own experience was all a lie. it really got me thinking about how educated this community is about loa, like the void state and loa is so intertwined. luckyvoidgirl never said she used loa and she did something different but she got so much flack bc the void community on tumblr is so deeprooted in loa, possibly bc of angel. but anyways for a community that is so deeprooted in loa, so many people haven't entered and even worse, so many bloggers have been exposed for lying about their success story. the crazy thing is its so easy to lie on tumblr so the fact that so many have gotten caught makes me wonder how many we haven't even caught and really how does a community that knows loa struggle like this.
idk i just can't stop thinking about this and was hoping for some guidance.
hey love! im technically on break but you're not the only one spiraling so i rlly wanted to answer this.
first of all, i want to say she's just lying and this community is great but i can't. the truth of the matter is she is right. the person who brought the void to tumblr was @divineangelbee and she was the one who went around saying it was super easy and anyone can do it and she was and is still pretty much the blueprint for how a lot of voidstate tumblr thinks, but she was exposed for harassing her friends to enter the void for her. since then, many other bloggers who basically parrot the same thing as her have been exposed as well.
however i want to highlight something here. just because someone preaches something and it doesn't work out for them doesn't mean it's false. this is a super old argument, like back when bloggers like cleo and raven were super popular but people were arguing abt Sammy Ingram. basically she was a big affirm and persist girlie and people were going at her for saying this but never losing any weight (her main goal with manifestation was to lose weight but she never did and just gaslighted anyone who pointed it out, saying they were bodyshaming her). while something was off for sammy (maybe she didn't persist or maybe she just didn't bother doing her method at all), her method worked for so many people. there's boatloads and boatloads of success stories from her videos and methods. so someone can be lying about the void and still be giving legit advice.
however, the void state community on tumblr DOES have a lot of misinformation. ive seen people claim the void state is just SATS, just alpha state, theta state, delta state, it's acc just a placebo for you to guarantee manifestations, and all sorts of nonsense. now there's a new addition, people who tell you to pay money and they'll get you into the void state. it's honestly crazy how hard the community went against the luckyvoidgirl but not some of the other stuff i see here.
but anyways, what do you do?
you need to realize that you entering the void has nothing to do with the state of the void community on tumblr. people lying abt entering the void doesnt make the void a lie, it makes them a liar.
ive been in that position where i hailed bloggers and felt attached to this community so drama here messed with me internally. you shouldn't be doing that. please read my Doubts post where i talk about overcoming this and also provide many sources of proof that the void is real so that you don't need to rely on tumblr to know that:
also it helps to find a few reputable sources. i just wanted to give a shout out to someone rn: @voidprincessblog
her page is the page i would recommend to everyone. you can tell the amount of research and effort she puts into every post and you can trust her to be a reputable source on info.
im going to attach this other post of mine for you as well:
i wish you the best of luck on your void journey and hope this helps! 💟
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meanbossart · 2 months
Note
I gotta ask this has been rattling in my brain for a while.
How did your DU drow react when Astarion asked him for help with the ritual? What were his thoughts? Or was he simply like stop it, no, we aren't doing that. OH, How did you picture your Astarion and DU Drow react after he "died" and was brought back? I know that we don't really get that much dialogue or reaction from the companions when that happens (Praying they add something later down the line in another patch)
Again thank you for sharing your beautiful art and fanfic with all of us its so refreshing to see!!! :)
OHOHOHO I'm glad you asked. I feel like that first question is very revealing of DU drow's character and It was a fun moment to ponder upon, because I think much of his behavior might lead one to believe he would be willing to go along with whatever Astarion wants, instead of pushing back at all, at least on the surface.
There's two factors at play here - first, DU drow knows of his heritage at that point, and thanks to the blank-slate treatment of the tadpole he's gotten a brand new perspective on it by the time he learns of the truth. Prior to losing his memories, accepting the fate that Bhaal had bestowed onto him felt like a choice and the best thing that ever happened to him in life, a confirmation that he was special and destined for greatness instead of just damned to the lowly existence he had endured so far. After his brain is scrambled however, DU drow got a taste of what true freedom feels like while unburdened by his upbringing; he's strong, he's powerful, he's self-sufficient, he enjoys the fruits of his labor without appreciating what got him here - he does not feel like he needs Bhaal, and the fact he ever did is laughable at best and violating at worse. This leads him to abhor the idea of depending on higher power to succeed instead of just raising oneself up by their own merits, or abiding by any mentality where you take orders from a source.
So when Astarion speaks of ascension, and especially after he learns of the source of that power (Infernal magic) he's disillusioned by it. While his memories are still hazy, the situation still feels awfully familiar to him. He doesn't think Astarion needs that higher power because he doesn't, either, and to take it would surrendering to fear and giving away even more of his autonomy than he already has.
And if that sounds a little self centered and like he's missing some of the point, it's because he is. While DU drow has fallen in love with Astarion by that stage in the story and wants what's best for him (he actually entertains the idea of him ascending up to a point - he wants him to be happy) he still has a difficult time empathizing with others. Ascending feels like a bad choice, but he can only justify that feeling from his own, narrow perspective.
(I mused on about characterization for too long again. So more under the cut - the sky is blue the sun is hot etc.)
Then there's the uglier, far more vulnerable and knee-jerk reaction to it. Now that Bhaal is no longer his purpose in life or the gift he once felt it to be, Astarion has taken it's place. Bhaal needed DU drow, in his eyes, much like Astarion does now. And as much as the vampire might have told him that his feelings on the matter changed (and that he was no longer manipulating DU drow for his own ends alone) he can't fathom a reason to be kept around unless he continues to be needed. He has slotted himself as Astarion's protector and devotee, and a vampire lord does not sound like they need much of either.
As much as he would never admit to it, DU drow does not know a life where he doesn't pledge himself, body and soul, to another purpose. He seems like he's happy to barrel through life directionless, but he needs something that anchors him or he has an inexplicable feeling that something terrible will happen. And honestly, maybe he's right - for a man who loves killing, he has a much easier time applying some strategy to that desire as long as he's doing it to some an specific end. Without Astarion, he probably feels like his choices are to either submit to his hedonism entirely or just lie down and die.
I don't need to spell out that this is pure codependency at it's finest.
So, when Astarion asks for help to complete the ritual he is conflicted. He wants to do whatever Astarion wants, but his brain is setting off alarm bells that, if he acquiesces, this will be the end for them and for him. And whatever comes after is a terrifying void of nothing. While he loves Astarion and ultimately does the right choice in pleading with him to give up on this power, his motivations are far from selfless or pure, as much as DU drow may not yet realize it.
This is why, after everything takes place, and specially once he severs his connection to Bhaal and his mind clears a little further, DU drow would go on to grapple with a lot of guilt for taking this opportunity away from Astarion, as I have touched on in the fic and will continue to do so. He's happy to feel like he has a reason to be kept around, but the inevitable hurdles that Astarion must continue to face as a spawn are obviously painful to witness. This is why he dives full force into trying to "fix" his vampirism instead, following that.
NOW, FOR THE NEXT AND HOPEFULLY FAR BRIEFER ANSWER TO YOUR OTHER QUESTION (spoiler alert, it's not brief at all, god damn it):
Yeah everyone just standing around in that scene feels little weird LOL not that it took away too much from how dope a cutscene it was (I probably watched it with the attentiveness of a sport's fan witnessing a footbal game turning in the last 10 minutes of a match) but If I were to embellish it instead of just going with something like "everyone is shell-shocked and paralyzed", I would say Shadowheart is the first to rush over to see if there's anything at all she can do to help, and probably the first (and only, in that moment) to break down crying. I think she very quickly composes herself after he's brought back, tells him he gave her the scare of a fucking lifetime and that he's the luckiest idiot in all of the realms - but that she's glad he's back. No hugs for him though LOL
Astarion is pretty much the opposite, that he would stand there in shock feels kind of apt to me. Like, holy shit, what just happened? Did one of the only good things in my life really just get taken away in the blink of an eye? Am I just cursed to have everything snatched away from my hand as soon as I'm growing comfortable with it? Yes, of course I am. What else did I expect. When DU drow pops back up he's probably like "Oh yeah I knew it'd be fine" (plus the little Twee comment, that was very funny to me.) and DU drow is similarly going "Oh definitely, it was my plan all along to be killed and then resurrected by an ominous house-keeper skeleton this whole time. Anyway, smooch for a dead man?"
This... Clearly very traumatic little incident is probably addressed by them only later. He gets a kiss and a hug at camp and a very stern "if you do that shit again I'm raising you back up just to kill you myself" from Astarion and Shadowheart's just down to drink in celebration and drown her trauma away for now lmao.
OH YEAH AND GALE WAS ALSO THERE. There was a whole Gale debacle in my playthrough but, the TL;DR, is that especially towards the end of the game he was Not in the best of terms with DU drow. Still, I obviously think he's an empathetic person and had his own "oh shit" moment. I'd say he takes this opportunity to try extending a very sincere hand out to him later that day, both for his courage in defying a god and dumb-luck - which DU drow completely passes on like an asshole and just gives him a cold-shoulder about, leaving feeling even more dejected than he already was and probably further cementing his choice to pursue the crown of Karsus later, despite DU drow's disapproval. Good job buddy!
Thank you so much for the ask and for your lovely compliments!!! Sorry for writing you a dang ESSAY 😬
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What if... the CEOs were hybrids? Part three | BTS OT7 AU
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Its been a long while my lovelies and I apologise, hopefully making up for it with the third instalment of the what if series, starting us off with some 7.7K words about hybrid CEOs.
Trigger warnings: Possessive/obsessive behaviour, jealousy, scenting, usual hybrid trope things, swearing, testosterone, I don't know if being mean is a trigger warning but here it is. Angst.
Prev / Next
Playlist : Fire Escape - Matthew Mayfield, Delicate - Damien Rice
Hybrids: KNJ - Wolf, KSJ - Bear, MYG - Panther, JHS - Lion, PJM - Arctic fox, KTH - Tiger, JJK - Bunny.
You smelled like him, that was the first thing the trio noticed on their first day back to work when you passed them by. That's why the hyungs looked so sullen at home, why they were no longer coming home with your scent lingering on their clothes. And why Yoongi and Namjoon could barely stand to be in the same room for longer than a minute without tearing into each other about something stupid, all while avoiding the topic of you. 
The miasmic cloud of misery seemed to be hanging over all of their heads, following them without mercy from its downpour. You were avoiding their gazes, the maknaes watched you across the office longingly, waiting for you to greet them, to make the first move they were too afraid to make.
“This is stupid, we’ve known her longer than the human oaf,” Jimin mutters under his breath to the other two. “My angel isn’t one to hold a grudge, let’s just go and say hello.”
As brave as his words sounded, he could feel his heart in his throat, choking back any greeting he wanted to give you. 
“What if she’s still upset with us?” Jungkook’s bunny ears flopped, his own sadness weighing them down as he nervously struggled to keep his eyes on you. How did it get like this? He told you only a week ago you were part of their pack, now they were terrified to talk to you. 
“She doesn’t want to speak to us,” Taehyung states bluntly, while Jungkook could barely look at you, the tiger’s eyes never left you. He could read you like a book, you were ignoring them, and he hated it. All for that stupid human, the anger and jealousy burned inside of him. You never paid anyone else any interest all this time, to the point where he really believed you had feelings for them, and now another’s scent lingered on you, taunting him. How did he get it so wrong? 
He turns away first, walking out of the working space leaving Jungkook and Jimin to reluctantly follow, once last longing look your way, lingering there for as long as possible as they pleaded silently with you to meet them halfway. 
You take a deep breath as you approach his private office, bracing yourself for whatever the hell reason it was today he demanded you come to see him. All week there was a new reason, a new mundane task, more workload, more grumpy attitude from the CEO as he stared daggers into you like he was reverting back to who he was when he met you, when he didn’t trust you. But you could see through it, to an extent, the panther was punishing you and you were letting him . 
You exhale, it sounds almost like a sigh before you knock on the door, a gruff voice replying.
“Depyunim, you asked for me?” You greet him politely when you open the door.
“Take a seat,” he responds without looking up from the paperwork in front of him.
You hesitate, this was how it always started, you sitting there in silence fidgeting for however long he decided before he actually addresses you again. Only today the workload was catching up with you, you couldn’t afford to waste your time with his antics. 
Your reluctance to follow instruction makes him look up at you, not a single emotion on his face, his eyes almost black, void of the man you once knew. 
“Is there a problem Miss L/n?”
Ah. That was the other thing he started doing, he didn’t call you kitten anymore. It shouldn’t still cut you like this, and honestly you thought you had gotten used to it after a whole week, but every time it knocked the wind out of you like a punch to the gut. You were too terrified to call him by his name or question him over it, something told you his bite would be worse than his bark. Even now, where you would normally challenge his behaviour, you couldn’t muster the courage to. 
You shake your head, taking your seat like you had the previous days before. He returns to his paperwork without a word. The atmosphere between you was unbearable, every time you sat in this chair you wanted to bawl your eyes out, and every day you forced yourself to hold the tears back. 
“Depyunim…” you couldn’t take it anymore, you watch the pen in Yoongi’s hand pause at the sound of your voice. “I don’t want to rush you, but I have to get the Enhyphen contracts done by 4.”
You tried to say it calmly, softly, politely, but the stone in your throat made it difficult to speak. You fiddle with your fingers in your lap, bracing yourself nervously. He exhales loudly out of his nose, as if you were testing his patience, resuming his writing without a verbal response. 
In all honesty, you were misreading his behaviour. Yoongi was angry at himself. What was he trying to do? Push you away? Keep you close? Make you waste an entire day with him, so you’d be forced to stay late to catch up and then you wouldn’t go to see that human he could smell on you? What exactly was he trying to achieve? He was just so angry all the time since that day. That stench that didn’t belong on you was frying his brain cells, making him act like a possessive panther, enraging him even when he couldn’t smell it. He was desperately trying to keep you as close to him as possible whenever he could, keeping you in his office, his personal den, away from the thing that was taking you from him. 
He hears you sniff, it's small but audible, it stuns him frozen, scared that tears would follow, that he was the one to cause them. As hurt as he was, as miserable, the last thing he wanted to do was make you cry. The grip on his pen tightens. He owes you an explanation for his behaviour, his abuse of his power, he knows it, but how does he start? 
“Did I do something?” Your small voice makes him finally look up at you, almost snapping his neck in the process of how quick his attention turned. 
His hard expression melts into one of shock, jaw dropping an inch as he takes in the way you’re trying to smile despite the sadness coming off of you in waves. 
“No.” Is it a lie? It sounded firm, something that left no room for questions, but he can’t convince himself that it was true. 
In your mind you’ve already come to conclusions about the change in atmosphere, observing their attitude towards you and knowing it coincided with Eric coming into your life. You’re not stupid, you know they saw you as a packmate, so a new foreign scent was going to drive them over the edge. You just thought it would have settled by now, that they would’ve gotten used to it. 
But how could you act hurt when you were the one to instigate the change, to pull away for your own peace of mind. You put up walls and boundaries, knowing what the consequences would be. You couldn’t complain now, even if your whole body ached with missing them, despite working with them almost every day. Distance didn’t have to be physical, you could prove that. 
“Okay,” you accept it, plastering on a patient content smile on your face that didn’t feel right. Yoongi doesn’t like it, he knows it’s fake, but he turns back to his paperwork like a coward, unable to confront you or let you go. 
“What’s this?” Namjoon’s eyes are aflame as he shows you the email on his laptop, his eyes unbreaking from staring down your small figure in front of his desk. 
“I-it’s a request for a job reference,” you state the obvious, trying not to tremble in front of his heated glare. 
“I can see that babygirl,” he sounds almost condescending, the fire in his chest unable to remain contained in front of you. “Is there a problem here working in this company?”
You gulp a little, shaking your head since you couldn’t trust your voice to stay steady. 
“Then why would you even think about applying elsewhere?” He almost growls, almost. 
He sucks in his cheeks, trying to calm himself down, knowing what a hypocrite he was being. He told the others to keep their distance, to stop with this mating nonsense especially since you were obviously interested in someone else. All those times he told the others to respect your choices, and here he was eating his own words. Employees come and go, it’s a given in any business, but you, over his dead body was he ready or willing to let you leave. He didn’t even consider it an option. 
“What is it, Y/n?” he pushes, “Is it the pay? The workload? What would make you decide to leave when all you have to do to fix anything is speak to me.”
He was seething, but his anger wasn’t directed at you, it was the fear he was hiding in the flames speaking for him. 
“I was just exploring my options,” you can’t meet his eyes when you say it, your focus aimed at the edge of his desk. You knew logically you didn’t have to answer a thing, didn’t have to justify your actions, but you felt compelled to. This wasn’t just your boss, this was the man you had been in love with for years. You respected him far too much.
“Anything any company can offer you I can match or double,” he still sounds so angry, but he can’t help it. “You want a pay rise? Done. Promotion? Whatever position babygirl, it’s yours. Anything you want.” Just don’t leave. 
The corner of your lip rises an inch, a humourless sad smile on your face as you hold back a scoff. Your eyes start to water, you don’t want to say a word. He couldn’t give you what you wanted, you wanted him, you wanted the others, and if he ever knew he would throw you out of the company himself. You were doing him a favour by removing yourself, but you couldn’t tell him, because regardless of what you thought were noble actions, you knew you wouldn’t be able to take the look of hate or disgust in his eyes if it was directed at you. 
“You’re the biggest asset this company has ever had,” he explains, needing to cover his outburst before you read between the lines. It wasn’t a lie, but it sure wasn’t the reason why he was so desperate for you to stay. “I’m not letting you go without putting up a fight.” 
You wanted him to stop. It wasn’t fair how he made your heart sway and burn when he didn’t feel the same way. You hear him sigh, collecting his words, the hesitation makes you finally glance at him.
“Does this have anything to do with why you were crying last week?” He asks cautiously, his gaze inspecting your every reaction and movement.
“No,” you lie, “I told you, I was just overwhelmed with the workload.”
You sounded so flat, it made him ache. He fights the instinct to wrap you in his arms, smothering the voice in his head that was telling him something was wrong with his mate, reminding that incessant voice that you chose someone else. It was happening more and more frequently recently, he was arguing with himself all the time. The same conversation with himself repeating everyday whenever he saw you.
She chose someone else, he says to himself firmly, shutting down any chance of a counter argument. He doesn’t notice the grip on his pen is deadly until it cracks under the pressure, ink spilling all over his hands. 
“Joonie!” Maybe it was instinct that tore away all the boundaries you were building, but you race to his hand in worry as if he had injured himself. He felt the tug in his chest again the second you said his name, finding himself gazing at you softly. There’s a frown forming as you take his hand, looking it over in case he cut himself. He doesn’t pull away, even though he knows he should. You had him wrapped around your little finger, and although he didn’t mind, it was starting to hurt. 
“Are you okay?” You ask him, glancing up at his face to ensure he wasn’t in pain before returning to inspect his soiled hands. 
He knew he was pretending nothing had changed since you started dating, but his whole world turned upside down and he had to grit his teeth through it. He had to lead the others by example, but doing what was right rather than what he wanted was getting harder each time he saw you. Each time he could smell that disgusting odour on you it flared his jealousy, it had only been a week, how often were you seeing this boy in a week that his scent was always on you? 
“I don’t think you’re bleeding,” you mumble, more to yourself than to him, that frown of concern still cemented on your face as if you refused to trust the evidence he was unscathed. 
He hates it when you pull away, your own hand stained with ink from holding his. You glance down at them, lips turning up an inch as if you found it humorous for reasons unknown to him. You were laughing at yourself, all that progress you thought you were making away from them was bullshit, the state of your hands were proof enough of that. 
“I think I need to go wash my hands,” you chuckle, moving away from him. 
He fights back the instinct to grab your hand in a desperate attempt of keeping you with him, words lodged in his throat. He controls himself as you walk out of the office, feeling like a hopeless puppy rather than a wolf. 
“Did you hear, Y/n got herself a boyfriend!”
“No way, for sure thought she was courting the CEOs.”
“She obviously tried and failed.”
Jin sighs, closing his eyes trying to contain the disappointment he felt in his employees as they gossiped about you, not realising he was within earshot. He tries not to listen, tries not to focus on the details of your new relationship, but gossip spreads like wildfire in the company, the details getting warped as they were whispered. 
He scoffs. What did they know? They were all wrong about your affection for them, it was the other way round, they were courting you. It was plain and obvious for anyone to see but in the eyes of your jealous and spiteful colleagues, you were the instigator. Perhaps it was a blessing you unknowingly rejected them, he hated to think of what rumours would try to taint you if they were successful. He says it to himself so convincingly he can almost pretend it doesn’t taste bitter. Why was everyone so blind? Why were you so clueless? Why was everything so complicated?
He sighs to himself as he makes his way to the meeting room, half an hour early. Some habits die hard, some don’t die at all. Just as he expected you were already there setting up, he would’ve smiled if it wasn’t for the smell that hits him, the reminder. He could pretend nothing was changing, but the truth was hard to deny. 
“Need any help, beautiful girl?” he says, his sudden presence making you jump out of your skin. He grins at that at least.
“I’m almost done,” you laugh lightly, hand on your heart as it raced, refusing to calm down even when you knew there was no threat. You don’t know why but you were becoming increasingly nervous around Jin, a paranoid part of you thought he could see right through what you were doing, and you were afraid he would call you out. 
He hums in acknowledgement, approaching you slowly, his eyes boring into you as if you would disappear from sight if he so much as blinked. 
“You’re early,” you comment, trying to focus on anything other than his stare. 
“I wanted to spend time with my beautiful girl,” he confesses against his better judgement. He didn’t want things to change, so what if you were dating a moron, you were still his mate. 
Your pulse was beating faster the closer he got. Jin refused to let you pull away, it was why you thought he knew what you were doing. He didn’t let anything change. Boundaries? Fine, he’d respect them, but you trying to create a distance from him? It would kill him. 
“I-I, umm…” You can’t find an excuse to leave the room, and when he stands in front of you only inches away you lose your train of thought all together. His eyes implore down to your own, the softest smile admiring you without attempting to hide it at all.
“Hmmm?” he hums again, asking you to go on with a slight smirk, reading the effect he had on you, proof that you liked him too. 
You’re sure you look like a fish out of water to the amused bear in front of you playing with his food. 
“What’s wrong honey?”
You gulp, his eyes turning dangerous and knowing underneath the light expression he held. Maybe you liked that new term of endearment a little too much, Jin swore he could hear your heartbeat flatline for a second. He takes a step closer, basking in the warmth radiating from your heated form, just more evidence, more reassurance that he hadn’t gotten it wrong. You loved them too, the only issue was Namjoon’s inability to see it, and whatever the hell you were doing with that boy he could smell on you. 
The urge to get rid of it with his own scent was driving him up the wall. It would be so easy, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Crossing boundaries was how you all got into the predicament, he wasn’t about to make it worse. 
Your mouth opens and closes, repeatedly without words like the proverbial fish. Didn’t you ask the maknaes what hybrid you would be? Well you know the answer now. 
“Are you ill honey?” He presses the back of his hand to your forehead. He can’t help it, just something small, something that can be brushed off as concern. “You’re burning up.”
By the look on his face you can tell he knows exactly why that is. The smirk is gone, his face unusually serious with a challenge in his eyes to prove him wrong. 
“I-I’m fine,” you don’t sound it when you push his hand away from your face, but you force yourself to brush it off. “Honestly Jin, I’m fine.”
Before he can investigate any further, you turn away from him, feeling his stare on your back as you finish setting up for the meeting. It doesn’t go unnoticed by him that you repeat certain things, or take your time, obviously trying to avoid any more interactions with him. He laughs to himself in pity, maybe he did get it all wrong. 
It's silent in their office, it has been all week. No one seemed to muster the energy to talk, not even the maknaes now they were back. Namjoon half expected them to whine or complain openly about the situation, but they were too deflated to speak. A burning guilt seared right down his centre, realising his punishment was part of the reason they wouldn’t be open about their feelings, he was their alpha and he lost their trust. But they couldn’t see he was just trying to protect everyone, that was his burden. 
Hoseok walked in, doom and gloom written all over his face, a visible sigh through his lips, his eyes concentrated on the ground as he walked. A part of him wanted to hide in Yoongi’s office, not really wanting to be alone but not wanting company either, but he couldn't impose and the panther had been a bit volatile recently. He can’t remember the last time Yoongi willingly came into the main office since his argument with Namjoon. The two were avoiding each other thinking that was the best way to avoid conflict, in reality it was just making things ten times worse.
“I think I’m going to transfer to another floor,” he says nonchalantly as he stands at his desk, the others gawping at his words. 
“Hyung,” Jimin sounds equal parts outraged and upset. “You can’t.”
“Floor seven needs better management,” he says, not meeting anyone’s eyes. 
“And the real reason Hyung?” Taehyung scoffs.
He doesn’t answer for a moment, wanting to keep it repressed inside, but this was his pack, his family, they knew him better than anyone else. 
“I can’t take the smell,” he confesses quietly. “Everytime I look at her all I can see is someone else's hands on her, I-”
He cuts himself off, taking a breath. His emotions were spilling, overwhelmingly so inside of his chest, the only way out was through his mouth as words, but he locks it shut. 
“We won’t let a girl come between us or the company,” Namjoon states after minutes of silence, his voice quiet but firm. “We’ve worked together since the start, we’ve had problems before and we’ve gotten through them every time, this is no different.”
It was like he was brushing the situation off, that’s what made them stare at the leader of their pack aghast. A girl? A problem? Did he seriously just say that?
“But she’s not just a girl Namjoon,” Hoseok sounds so heartbroken that he even implied it, not holding back his words even though he knew it wasn’t a subject to approach the lead CEO with. “She’s our mate.”
Namjoon sighs, ready to have the conversation again for the hundredth time but Hobi doesn’t let him.
“You can deny it to yourself and the rest of us,” he says. “That doesn’t make it any less true.”
He doesn’t want to hear the lectures today, doesn’t want to sit through another spiel about how it would never work, so he left the office before the wolf could start. It was just his bad luck that he ran into you as he walked out, your form colliding into his chest. 
“Woah-” It’s instinct the way his arms wrap around you to hold you steady, and he blames instinct as to why he's so reluctant to let you leave. Your palms are on his chest, burning through the fabric of his shirt, finally giving him some of the warmth he had been craving for a while. 
“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, pulling away, but he doesn’t release you. You look up at him in confusion. “Are you okay?”
No, I'm not okay sunshine. He’s missed you, the confession almost leaves his lips. But instead he smiles through the gut wrenching pain of letting you go, carrying on as if nothing had happened. 
Twice in one day? What had you done to deserve it? You march over to Yoongi’s office this time, the pile of work starting to stack itself into the leaning tower of pisa on your desk. You don’t even knock, opening the door to greet the panther. 
“Depyunim you calle-”
“You need to rewrite this,” he cuts you off without looking at you, holding the files you dropped off earlier before they slammed on his desk. 
“What’s wrong with it?” you challenge quietly, knowing that you checked it over ten times before giving it to him. 
“You need to change the font,” he states matter of factly. What the- was he kidding?
“This again?” you groan, rolling your eyes in without thinking, patience wearing thin. “There’s nothing wrong with the font!”
Yoongi stands up so quickly his chair almost falls back, he strides over to you, eyes pinning you down where you stood just outside his office. The doorway between you shouldn’t symbolise so much, but when he looks down at you with an anger simmering in his eyes, you can’t ignore that it does. 
“I’m a CEO of this company,” his voice is quiet, dangerously so. “If I tell you that it needs changing, there shouldn’t be any questions about it kitten.”
The pet name slips before he can stop it, but he can see your eyes soften at the term despite the way you were trying to challenge him. Your hands ball into fists by your side, trying to stop the ache that came with hearing him call you that again. Trying to pretend you didn’t miss the sound with your whole being. 
“I’m not changing the font Min Yoongi,” you keep your voice and gaze steady, ready to win this battle between you both. 
He almost smirks, it was instinct when his kitten got out her claws, he couldn’t help it. 
“I’m telling you to.”
“Fine, if you’re going to be stubborn about it let’s take it to Namjoon and he can tell us if you’re being unreasonable or not,” you argue back not realising that was the wrong button to press, but how were you to know of the ruins of their relationship. 
“This isn’t Namjoon’s project,” he can hear the growl in his words, taking a heavy step towards you. 
The way his eyes turned black in a second made a shiver go down your spine, goosebumps jumping out of your skin, warning you that you pushed the panther too far. The next step he takes has you gulp, survival instinct taking over as you take a step back, keeping the distance between you the same, moving into the corridor. 
“It's mine,” he looks so disgusted at you, hate pouring out in his words and his glare, aimed far away from you but unfortunately you were on the receiving end. Kim Namjoon was not a name to be uttered in his presence. “So if I tell you, to change the font Miss L/n, you change it.”
His words are final, you can see it. It doesn’t falter, his stare so intense you have trouble finding your own words. 
“Okay,” you give in, ready to drop the subject and run away from his demeanour, but he wasn’t having it. 
“How dare you try to question my rank in this deal Y/n,” the way he says your first name makes you realise it's not just anger there, you hurt him. “But I guess you don’t respect me a much as you respect him.”
He scoffs, shaking his head as he walks back into his office, slamming the door behind him, leaving you alone on the other side. You hadn’t realised you were holding your breath until your lungs filled with air again shakily. No, you were not going to leave it like this. 
For the second time that day you don’t knock, walking in to find his back to you as he stood in the middle of the office, Shoulders rising and falling with each angry breath he took. You close the door behind you, staring at him until he turns around. 
“Get out of my office,” he’s not joking, the tone of voice he was using with you, you had never heard aimed at you before. You force your bottom lip to not quiver.
“I’m sorry,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. He lets out a breath of laughter, humorlessly, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. 
“Fine. Now leave.”
In his current state, the stink on you was only fuelling the fire. It filled his office, his safe space and he wanted it out even if it meant kicking you out. 
“Yoongi,” he curses the way you look up at him with watering eyes. “Why are you so mad at me?”
“That smell is off putting,” it’s spit out before he can reign it in. Part of you expected that to be the answer but you still look surprised.
“But this is irrational…” you shake your head, you want to create boundaries not be exiled. “I know Eric isn’t part of your pack but neither are most of the people you work with every day and you’ve never behaved like this before. Not with me.”
His jaw clenches at the name, the way you said it sounded too familiar for a guy you only met a week ago. Humans were more like animals than they thought, if you met your mate time was irrelevant, he really thought that was you for them, he didn’t want to believe anything else. 
“I can’t stand their stench either kitten,” he bites back, sounding spiteful, tail flickering behind him dangerously. “Why do you think I have a private office that no one’s allowed into?”
You reel back, hating the way he was speaking to you. You both bickered and argued all the time, but this felt different, this felt real. 
“And right now, you’re filling it with that disgusting smell,” you could almost see smoke coming out of his head, like a volcano about to erupt. “So please, Y/n, leave.”
You stare at him silently for a second, unable to hide the hurt on your face anymore. He doesn’t budge, he can’t, and you can see it your efforts to get through to him would be fruitless. When you close the door behind you, walking out without another word, he can feel the guilt drop like a pill inside of him, regretting letting his jealousy speak for him.
You can hear the tap running in the kitchen when you walk into your apartment after work. Sighing with emotional exhaustion as you take off your shoes, you really wanted to be alone.
“Hey!” His voice shouldn’t aggravate you, but it pulls at a chord. “How was work?”
You try to smile, but it feels awful. 
“Busy as always,” you don’t elaborate, and Eric is smart enough to know not to push. 
“Well I made you one last dinner… without burning the kitchen down this time,” he chuckles sheepishly. 
“You really didn’t have to,” you didn’t have the stomach for food today. 
“I just wanted to thank you Y/n,” he says sincerely. “For letting me stay with you this week, I honestly can’t thank you enough.”
If you told any of your friends you let the guy that took you on one date stay with you when he accidentally burned down his apartment, you’re pretty sure they’d kill you before giving you the lecture of ‘you don’t know him’, ‘he could be a serial killer’. But you knew Eric through a mutual friend, and if they vouched for him, you’d believe it. Plus you couldn’t lie that his presence was useful in your badly executed plan of getting over your bosses or at least not letting them find out you were in love with them. 
“Sure you’re not going to let me take you out on another date to make up for it?” he tries cheekily, reminding you of his presence when you space out thinking about them. 
“I thought dinner was your way of making up for it,” you say with a look on your face that roughly translated to, nice try.
“No, that's my way of saying thank you,” he chuckles but again doesn’t push it.
As much as you wanted to be distracted from your current dilemma, you wouldn’t use anyone that way. It wasn’t fair, you were hung up on them, and you didn’t believe that stupid saying of getting under someone else. Honestly, you didn’t know what you were doing, you wanted something impossible. Did you honestly believe that a little distance was going to erase the past few years of getting to know them, of falling in love with them? How did you think you could have it both ways? Love them from afar, but still keep them close. You really were a mess. 
His scent was stronger on you this morning. It was all they could think about through the meeting all seven of them had to attend, but they didn’t know that was because you hugged Eric goodbye this morning when he finally left with his stuff. More from the relief of getting your space back than anything else. The time-old saying was wrong, what they didn’t know would definitely kill them. 
Did he spend the night? Was that why the once lingering smell on you was now punching them in the face with its pungence? Jin glances briefly at the way Yoongi was tapping his pen irritatedly on the surface of the desk. Hobi looking distraught beside him, blinking back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
The maknaes were fairing no better. Jimin's stare was as cold as ice, threatening to freeze anyone cold that dared to approach him… perhaps it was quite fitting for an arctic fox. Jin could hear the way Jungkook’s leg was restless under the desk, the strength of the smell too much for the bunny as his face contorted into pain. And Taehyung… well the tiger looked at you with such an intensity, the oldest CEO didn’t know how you were ignoring it, surely you felt the burn of his gaze.
Jin wondered how Namjoon was leading the meeting with such faux ease. If Jin didn’t know him any better, he would have believed it, but he noticed the subtle clench of his jaw, the way he couldn’t help glancing at you at any given moment, the heartbreak and questions in his gaze every time it fell on you. 
“We’ve only just managed to reach our target for this year’s quarterly,” Namjoon states, trying not to wince at the way the smell was giving him a headache. “I want project leaders to reassess their team's work for any pitfalls or areas for improvement.” 
You frown in concern when he pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes with his fingers, closing them in pain before resuming the meeting. You want to question it, stay late when he finishes his speech, thanking everyone for their hard work and letting your colleagues leave the room. You want to stay, you want to check he's okay, but you remind yourself of what you’re trying to achieve and force yourself out without looking back at any of them. That didn’t mean you didn’t feel each of their stares as you left. 
You can see Jungkook and Jimin wandering around the office floor, trying to look busy, striking up conversations with almost every employee, asking them mundane questions about different projects, all while sneaking not so subtle glances your way. You’d laugh under any other circumstance. You hadn’t said a word to them since that night, and now because of the lack of communication the atmosphere festered into something awkward. Each party was afraid to approach the other, you were scared to talk to them, they had a way of bringing down your defences, and you knew it would take them seconds to break down the wall of boundaries you were building. 
The pair notice you ignoring their presence, making their way through the sea of employees, inching closer and closer to you as naturally as they can fake. 
“Hyung I don’t think this is going to work,” Jungkook mutters under his breath for only the arctic fox to hear.
“Why won’t it work?” Jimin challenges in a hushed breath. “We’re the CEO’s of the company checking on our employees, Angel is also an employee, this is the perfect way to start a conversation again.”
“But hyung-”
“I miss her,” Jimin looks earnestly at the bunny, his heart in his eyes for him to see. “I can’t take this anymore.”
Jungkook bites his lips nervously as Jimin talks to Seulgi, the next desk they would approach would be yours. You seemed engrossed in your work but he kept his eye on you, scared you would figure out what they were doing and run away before they had the chance to talk to you. 
You, however, were so wrapped up in your own thoughts you didn’t question their motives. That is until they make their way to your desk.
“Angel,” Jimin greets you as if nothing happened. 
Your eyes widen as you stare at him in shock, realising this was their plan the whole time. 
“Jimin,” you breathe back, and he has to stop himself pouncing on you. Fuck, he missed you? Why was that word not enough to explain the pain of being away from you for so long?
“Hi Noona,” Jungkook saves his hyung by sacrificing himself, the older CEO malfunctioning after hearing his name. “W-we w-wanted to see how everyone was doing.”
He chews at his lips, cursing himself for stuttering, but thankfully Jimin finds his tongue.
“The hyungs sent us,” he lies hastily, “to check on everyone, I mean…”
You just nod in reply, feeling a little on the spot with both their gazes burning into you like you would fade from sight. You kind of wish you could fade from sight.
“How are you?” Jimin asks softly, the words sounding light but holding more weight than anyone would ever know. 
“I-I’m okay,” you smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Just falling behind.”
Your hands grip onto the arm rests of your chair, as if you were physically trying to hold yourself back from leaping into their arms. You missed them, you missed them so much you didn’t care about that stupid night and the stupid boundaries. You just wanted to go back to normal, but you couldn’t, you had feeling for them, it was wrong. 
“Anything we can help with?” Jungkook asks, hoping you’d let them. All he wanted to do was bury his nose in your hair, after scenting you so hard that you only smelled of him and the pack. His fingers fidget, entangling around each other, can’t he at least touch your hair? Or your cheek, or something. 
“I kind of need to not be distracted,” you say sheepishly, wincing at your own harsh words though you tried to say them as politely as you could. Both boys balk at the suggestion before Jimin composes himself.
“Understood.” His features turn to stone as he drags the bunny away, leaving you to your work. Your heart breaks more and more with each step they take, knowing you can’t take it back. You hurt them. 
You thought their office was empty, it's why you didn’t knock. Knowing their schedules, knowing they were all at different meetings, you didn’t think twice to enter with the files you had to drop off, coming to an abrupt halt when you’re met with his red rimmed eyes. You both stare at each other, your face one of complete shock, while his was evident of his tears. 
It's the sob that wrecks through his whole body that has you spring into action, flinging the files onto whoevers desk you didn't care, as you almost ran over to him, engulfing him in your arms nearly knocking you both over. If anything he cries harder, tail wrapping around your waist too as he holds onto you like a lifeline. You squeeze him hard, his head burying itself into your neck, trying to find the scent of you that wasn’t tainted with that awful stench. 
You don’t smell like you. You don’t smell like them. He won’t pretend it's pure instinct as he rubs his head against you, sniffling as he moves your head under his chin, rubbing his scent glands on you roughly. It’s all over you, that fucking smell was everywhere. 
“Tae,” you call his name airily, his ministrations already having an effect on you, but you had been so starved of him for so long. 
He doesn’t respond, taking your arm in his hand, pressing it against his cheek, hiding his eyes from you when he decides it isn’t enough. You feel yourself stop breathing when he uses his lips instead, soft delicate kisses on the length of your arm, making his way slowly to your neck. You’re frozen, not wanting him to stop for a second, your skin searing at every touch he gives. 
That is until you try to make sense of his behaviour. He was a hybrid, who saw you as part of his pack, and you denied them your presence for over a week. This was just his instincts on overdrive and you had to get yourself together before he went too far and regretted it. Or before you misread the signals and got your heart broken again. 
“Tae, stop,” it sounds feeble even to your own ears, but you grab his wrists and push him back. His eyes meet yours, no tears left but his pupils are fully blown like he was on catnip. 
“No,” his voice is hoarse but stubborn. “I don’t want to.”
It takes all your strength to hold him back when he tries to lean into you again, his heart aching at the way you're keeping him away when he so desperately needs you. 
“Please,” he begs, whimpering, feeling like if you denied him it would crush him beyond repair. “Please flower.”
You breathe out slowly, long and calm, trying to keep yourself together, to not give in. It wasn’t fair, every brick you painstakingly spent building against them came down like a house of cards. Tears prickle the corner of your own eyes. This wasn’t fair. 
He manages to rest his head on your shoulder, his nose sniffing against your neck. It’s still there, muted but he could still smell it. You hear the low hum of a growl in his throat.
“Taehyung, talk to me,” you say gently, needing him to verbalise his actions so you didn’t misread them. 
“You’re not supposed to smell like him!” he cries, closing his eyes in pain. “You’re supposed to smell like us, you’re mine.”
Your heart leaps before it falls. 
“Tae,” your bottom lip trembles, doesn’t he realise how cruel this was. “You can’t say shit like that.”
He hears you sniff, moving away enough to see the look of sadness on your face. But he doesn’t understand why it’s there. Did you really not feel the same way? No, that wasn’t it, the way you looked up at him, begging him to stop but they were soft on him, so loving. 
“Why?” he dares to ask, it comes out a whisper, his heart pounding as he inspects you. You close your eyes, wanting to laugh at how pathetic you are. It causes tears to fall out of the corner of your eyes. You let go of his wrists to wipe them away, ready to answer him, ready to confess and leave him forever to save yourself from more pain. 
A creak startles you both, the door opening to reveal the others making their way back from their respective meetings, all of them staring at the scene, completely taken back. 
“Baby girl?” Namjoon is the first to step towards you both, his eyes flickering between you both. The concern on his face turns to one of anger, aimed at the tiger but you had already decided it was towards you. 
You can’t deal with this. Turning away you try to make your leave, only to be held back, Taheyung grabbing your hand in his and making you face him. 
“Why?’ he repeats, more adamantly. He needed to know, because whether he was right or wrong would change everything. 
“Taehyung,” Namjoon growls warningly. His eyes fixed on your hands together. 
“This is between me and flower,” he glares at his hyung, the threat in his eyes clear for the wolf not to get involved. He turns back to you, the others watching intently. “Why?”
You feel defeat ripple through your chest, your face scrunching as you sniff back the sob working its way out. 
“Because my stupid human brain is going to misunderstand,” you voice is heavy with tears, a few slipping out against your wishes. “Your actions mean something different for humans than they do for hybrids.”
He almost scoffs, this was what you always did. They were so obvious with their affection and love and you rationalised it wrong every time.
“What does it mean for humans, flower?” he almost sounds like he’s mocking you, a new stern and unforgiving look on his face as he moves closer to you. 
“Taehyung stop,” you beg, not wanting to go through with this, to feel embarrassed about your feelings when he figured it out. “Please.”
“Taehyung maybe we shou-”
The glare he sends Hoseok’s way has the lion biting his tongue. They were all panicked, what if the tiger’s actions cost you them forever?
“What do kisses mean for humans?” he asks again, louder, more demanding, not letting the subject drop. “Or better yet… What do you think they mean for hybrids?”
“You kissed her?” Both of you ignore Namjoon’s outburst, Taehyung not caring if he misunderstood. 
The corners of your lips pull down so far, your eyes welling ready for overspill as you implore him silently to let you go. Why was he being so cruel? You had never known him to be like this before, what did he want from you? You breathe shakily, feeling lost until it hits you, he’s figured it out. He knows. 
Your worst fears come to surface and you pray it wasn’t true, that he wasn’t about to out your feelings to the others. He watches you struggle for words, deciding to take pity on you.
“Because last time I checked,” he breathes, his heart pounding in his chest hard as he takes a leap of faith. “They mean the same thing for us as they mean for you.”
It takes you a second, he can see the crease between your brows before your whole face goes slack with disbelief. He can see the puzzle pieces finally fit into place through your eyes, unable to help himself, smiling when he can feel your pulse match his. 
He takes another step closer, the distance between you only a hair width. Final drops of tears fall out of your eyes as he watches your pupils dilate when he leans in. You don’t pull away when his lips press against yours, you pull him closer.
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staytinyville · 5 months
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OUTLAW (36)
ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader
Cowboy AU / Wild West
Series Masterlist
Warning: none
A/N BETA READ (@mariana-mmtz).
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Once you saw that the boys seemed to have gotten over their initial shock about the information Grimes had, you thought it would be okay to ask Yunho for that talk he promised you. You found him in his and Yeosang’s tent going through some things.
“Are you gonna tell me about this cult now?” You asked, taking a seat on the bedroll.
Yunho turned around when you spoke, sighing as he remembered what he had said. “It's a long story.” He told you.
“I have time.” You said, patting the spot next to you.
He gave you a grin, taking a seat behind you instead. You smiled softly, leaning back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, bringing you closer.
“On the outskirts of Aurora, there's this small compound called Strickland.” He began. “It's run by some guy named Z who acts as mayor basically. It has a lot of things inside it that can have it pass as its own town, honestly–has a city hall and academy. It's self sustainable, basically.”
“However, it's not at all what one sees from the outside.” You felt Yunho drop his head onto yours, tucking you under his chin.
“I'm assuming that's where the cult is hiding. Within the compound?” You spoke up.
“It's the entire compound, actually.” Yunho told you. “Sciensalver is the cult run by this chemist.”
“A chemist? Why?”
“Because he's trying to create a drug to turn people into emotionless capsules.” Yunho tightened his grip on your stomach for a moment before letting go.
It was obvious the boys all had their anger against whoever this cult was. You didn’t have any information with them, but if they were trying to make people do things against their will, it was obvious they were the worst kinds of criminals. You scoffed at the idea of them just living their life while your boys had to scavenge for food and find a place that wouldn’t turn them in to the police.
“Within the compound, the police of Aurora won't dare to get involved. They just turn a blind eye to them.” He added.
You began to think of Klein and how he was involved in the whole thing. Hongjoong was right when he said people change. However, to change so drastically to the point where he wanted to command people? That was something different all together. What could Klein possibly need emotionless citizens for?
“But then why would the mayor of Cromer be involved with them?” You asked.
“We'd have to ask Klein himself.” Yunho answered.
It had been a while ago when Klein first raised the taxes. It was a hardly noticeable incline two years ago. Your parent’s thought nothing of it because the city was growing and things needed to get done in order to have a better infrastructure. However, in the past year, he’s raised taxes once every month.
It wasn’t so long ago that the taxes raised 2 percent from the last billing. You could only imagine how much it would be this coming month. People were starting to complain, but the mayor was refusing to hold a town meeting over it. The citizens weren’t getting answers and you were starting to figure out why.
“What's going through your pretty head?” He asked, after he noticed how quiet you had gotten. He placed his chin on your shoulder, rubbing your cheek with his.
“Ever since Klein appointed a new judge, he started raising the taxes. Slowly at first, but he must be getting greedy.” You explained.
“Who's the judge?” Yunho asked.
“Thomas Quaid, he's been judge for two years maybe?” You pondered. “A bit more.”
“Where's he from?” Yunho frowned, scooting over a bit to look at you properly.
“Aurora.” You spoke quietly.
Thomas Quiad was appointed judge around the same time Klein first started raising taxes. While you had only met him in person when you married Yeosang the other day, you had heard from your parents the kind of campaign he was running to be appointed county judge.
“I don't think Klein is taking money from the people without knowing where it's going. He has been one of the greatest mayors Cromer has ever had. He would never take from the poor when he himself knows what it's like.” You explained.
“And?” Yunho shrugged.
“I think Quaid has something to do with Sciensalver. He's probably feeding Klein lies.” You answered.
“We'll add it to the plan.” He hummed, scooting back behind you.
He moved his hands to your hips, wanting you to turn around to face him. Instead, you only turned to your side, tucking your head under his chin as your legs fell over his thighs.
You began to think to yourself about how much Yunho seemed to know about that man. This was part of their backstory. The reason they all came together. They had something to do with the Black Pirates–of which you still had no clue of–but you figure they were the group trying to take down Strickland.
This was your chance at finding out more of their story. You held yourself back so many times, but you were a part of their family now and families knew everything about each other. Just like you told them your story, you wanted to learn about theirs.
“Yunho?” You asked quietly.
“Yes, Angel?” He hummed.
“How do you guys know all this about Strickland?” You asked.
Yunho sighed, placing a hand on your thigh to pull you closer. “We were born into it.”
“Our families all had ties to Strickland–they were a part of the compound.” He began. “It was sad because most of the people there have no clue, but we knew the truth. They don't know about what their so-called mayor is doing to people.”
“The Black Pirates captured Yeosang once, so we all went to rescue him. It was where we learned about the stuff they were making inside. So we joined with the black pirates to help them take down Sciensalver.” He explained.
“Things were fine for a while, but we got caught taking information we weren't supposed to. That's why we went our separate ways a year ago. Cromer was gonna be our rendezvous point after everything blew over. However, Mingi and Joong became outlaws, so that was a mayor problem.” He snickered at the end.
You turned around in his lap, legs straddling his waist. “But you guys made it work.” You smiled.
“Yeah, we always do.” He told you softly. “We've been doing this for a long time.”
“We start the plans now.” Hongjoong called from outside the tent. You both turned as he opened up the flap. “Everything has changed with this new information.”
He turned around, grinning at you. “Princess? Mind helping?”
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twisted-lover-boys · 7 months
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hello jin !!! may I request malleus with an overprotective boyfriend ?? like, bf would always scold people that make mean comments about him, and would bring him into every event that malleus wasn't formally invited with the excuse that "we're a couple, if they invite me they are indirectly inviting you bc there no way I would let you alone" and, in general, is very caring with malleus
i just love him sm I need malleus to be pampered :/
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Malleus’ guard dog
{not proof-read}
Honestly, same
Like, Ace may be my favorite twst character of all time but I also have a love for other characters
Maybe I should make a tier list of my favorites characters…would y’all like to see that?
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🐲🦇⚔️⚡️🐲🦇⚔️⚡️🐲🦇⚔️⚡️🐲🦇⚔️⚡️🐲🦇⚔️⚡️
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Malleus met you when he was a young fae still in the care of Lilia. He hadn’t met many people since his birth so you were a new face
You were a fae just like him and you both immediately clicked. From then on, you always visited the old woodcutter’s cottage just to see him
It took a while for Lilia to warm up to you but when he saw how happy you made Malleus, he was okay with having you around
It was only when you got older, you had learned about the concept of dating when Lilia commented on your relationship
Well, it only took a small push before you both actually got together and you’ve been like that ever since
As you both became young adults and entered your NRC days, your relationship had only gotten closer since then. Now, you could never be apart from each other
You knew of Malleus’ reputation and what that led to. You never tolerated any bad-talking of him and always made it a point to “straighten” them out
It has led to many fights in the past but, as time went on, you found it easier to destroy them emotionally than physically. It was much more affective
Besides, now you had two little knights to defend your boyfriend’s honor in his name. Now you didn’t have to get your hands dirty so often anymore
You knew that NRC had many events that it held, especially ones that required dorm leader attendance
You knew of Malleus’ tendency to not go to places if he wasn’t invited and, while you don’t exactly remember how that habit formed, you always made it a point to invite him to things
Dates, parties, meetings where his attendance was required, ceremonies, anything. You either made a little invite and gave it to him or just straight up invited him
You were always super quick to shoot backhanded comments to other students when they see Malleus
“Why did you bring Malleus with you?”
“If I’m gonna be at this party, so is he.”
“B-But, won’t he ruin the mo—“
“I dare you to finish that sentence.”
You always made it a point to place Malleus’ comfort and happiness before your own. This has caused a few small arguments between you—“You’re my boyfriend! I want you to be happy!” “You should be happy to!”—but he can never truly stay mad at you
Speaking of, Malleus also loves doing little things for you. You’re his boyfriend and future husband! There’s no way in hell he isn’t going to do anything nice for you
He also notices your attempts to involve him in school events or holiday parties. He’s been alone a long time and doesn’t quite understand social norms but he’s happy to have you as a crutch
Speaking of events, let’s talk about them! I’m only gonna mention 3
1. Al’ Ab Nariya
He was well away of the invite Lilia received from Kalim. Whether you also got an invite or not is up to you. But Malleus was a bit upset that Lilia would be gone for a few days
To imagine his shock when he “suddenly” gets sick and gives his invite to Malleus. Now he can go to the Scalding Sands with you!
He absolutely loved Kalim & Jamil’s homeland and loved learning about its culture and history. But more importantly, he loved being with you
He loved when you invited him along to your little shopping trips and he loved how you were able to read his wants while in the market. He’s just a little sad that he scared you by wandering off without you. He promises it won’t happen again
2. Halloween
Honest to god, he would not go to the school-wide Halloween party because he thinks he wasn’t invited. It look you a whole day of convincing and a whole night of arts-and-crafts with a few of the dorm leaders just to make invites and reminders
Nevertheless, he enjoyed Halloween with you and loved how different it was from your homeland’s traditions. He loved seeing you dressed like a long and even showing off your more fae-like features for the costume
For the “after party”, he thought the whole mysterious invite would be fun! He just didn’t expect you to tear both the school and the realm of the dead looking for him…even he will admit he’s scared of your wrath. He definitely got scolded for pulling such a stupid trick…but you can never stay mad at him
He enjoyed the Halloween parade, party, and “after party” with you and enjoyed seeing you in costume enjoying yourself
3. Glorious masquerade
When the time came of getting picked for a field trip to Noble Bell College, Malleus was super upset that you got to go and he didn’t. He knows it was a lottery draw but he just doesn’t want to be alone without you
You literally thought about dropping out just to say with him if it was for the invite that the council president sent for the fae prince. Now you both could go!
The trip started off wonderfully. Malleus felt truly welcomed and was glad to enjoy it with you. That was until the betrayal. When he learned that Rollo sent a fake invite, he was livid. That bastard ruined a wonderful moment for him all because of his so-called justice! Even you had a hard time calming him down! Now he had a reason to truly get revenge on Rollo for the fake invites
Time skip! When it was all over, he wanted to just head straight home but you were able to convince him to stay despite all that had happened. Even though he wasn’t officially invited, he was still welcomed nonetheless. Might as well enjoy it to its fullest, right?
Oh dear, Malleus was very lucky to have you as a boyfriend, isn’t he? His little guard dog
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lassieposting · 2 months
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So on the back of my headcanon about the Prototype more or less raising CatNap, I've been watching someone play Project Playtime for the first time, and I'm fucking yelling
If you play as the monster, the Prototype literally teaches you (as Huggy Wuggy) how to hunt. He's the one giving the tutorial instructions.
And honestly? The vibe I got from that "interaction" is that Prototype likes children. More than that: Prototype is good with children.
Project Playtime takes place in the intervening decade between the Hour of Joy massacre and the start of the main game. Based on the fact that Huggy needs the Prototype's guidance, it's probably fairly early in that period - he's not used to hunting for himself yet. So Huggy here is a monster with limited intelligence - he's the most 'animal' experiment we've seen, though he is still able to write - and the soul of a child.
And the Prototype tailors his lessons appropriately. Like, I trained to work with kids, and he uses essentially the same approach I would to teach a young or special needs child a new skill.
Simple Instructions: what Prototype is teaching Huggy here is, at its core, strategy and tactical thinking, and that's a subject he seems to understand well and know a lot about. A more intelligent experiment - like, say, young CatNap - might ask a lot of questions, and Prototype could probably give them long, in-depth explanations of why doing X thing prompts Y response or why Z tactic is useful. But Huggy isn't on that level, so Prototype keeps his instructions and explanations short, concise and easy to understand.
No Guesswork: Huggy, described as having only "sufficient" intelligence post-transformation, likely has limited capacity for complex thought. Where CatNap might be encouraged to think ahead for himself and suggest problems that could arise, Huggy would struggle. So Prototype gives him all the information he needs: here are the ways the humans will try to avoid or harm or mislead you, and here are the ways you can fight back. He even points out little tips that might seem obvious, like listening for the breathing of a hiding worker, because he knows that might not occur independently to Huggy.
Positive Reinforcement: When Huggy successfully incapacitates a human player, Prototype laughs and praises him, treating a potentially upsetting conflict like a fun game. Once Huggy has gotten rid of all the human players and won the match, Prototype tells him he did a good job and that he can rest now.
The Bad News Sandwich: One technique I was taught for dealing with young children is that when you have to give them upsetting or disappointing news, sandwiching it between two good things limits the distress it will cause. And Prototype does this twice with Huggy:
[Praises Huggy for catching a player and putting him in the food chute] [warns Huggy that the other players could try to rescue their friend] [offers a way to stop them doing that]
[Praises Huggy for clearing out the factory] [tells Huggy that more humans will return] [reassures Huggy that for now, he can rest and relax]
Anyway. Prototype taught at least one child-aged experiment to fend for itself and defend the factory: confirmed. And so, scenarios I'm now picturing with Prototype and little CatNap: this
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I'm also 👀👀👀 at the fact that like. While it's directly stated that while his main motive for having the experiments attack the Project Playtime workers is to stop them making more creatures, he's got a secondary motive in that he's using the Bigger Bodies mascots *to gather food for the smaller toys*. The larger toys may have become hostile towards the smaller, weaker, "prey" toys, but the Prototype seems to be at least trying to provide for them, albeit in the only fucked-up way available to him.
Anyway I just think that's really interesting considering he's been implied to be the game's ultimate Big Bad. I think there's more to him than we've been told
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c-t-r-l14 · 23 days
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This Audio Is SICKENING.
Ya’ll—I don’t even know where to begin.
When I tell you that I physically FLINCHED upon seeing Alex’s face in the thumbnail, the way my heart started beating, the way I started SHAKING while putting my AirPods in—you guys would’ve thought that I’ve gotten some terrible news or something. And—I don’t even know what’s CRUELER—the fact that Saku posted this audio on April Fools day, making us go back and forth between “is this cannon?” or “nah, this is definitely a joke!” Or him making it all lovey dovey at first, giving us a false sense of security—waiting for us to finally let our guard down so he could get ready to strike. But I do know that it broke me, and made me feel for listener even more.
I think one of the biggest reasons why it broke me so much was because we can see how much listener blames themselves. How much they think the breakup is all their fault.
And you can see how much its impacted them.
You see the thing with Alex is that he is really, really bad with communication. He’s rather quiet about how he feels, and doesn’t voice it out loud. A person like this—who doesn’t talk about their own feelings, who’d rather stay silent—usually are alone with their own thoughts. And that’s when things get rocky, especially in a relationship. One of the things that I noted in the break up audio (besides all the gaslighting, manipulation, and reality distortion), was the fact that Alex has had that argument on his mind ever since it happened, and not ONCE has he said something about it until the day they broke up. He was alone with his thoughts the entire time up to that point—mulling over the argument, his feelings, his future—and I feel like him doing this, instead of actually talking to listener to see how things can work out deadass lead him to believing that they couldn’t be together, which lead him to not tell them about the job offer until the very last minute. I wholeheartedly believe that if he sat down with them, and told them—“hey, I know you said sorry, but I still feel like shit because you made me feel this way,” if the thoughts got to be too much, then maybe things would’ve been better. But he didn’t—and just like listener, he assumed the worst, and on top of that— gave up without even trying to fight for the person he claimed to love so much. Instead, all he did was make excuses, act hypocritically, gaslight them, and blame them for everything—all the while not realizing that there was a whole bunch of things HE could’ve done better too.
And we can see how much it took a toll on listener—considering the fact that they were ridden with so much guilt that can’t even sleep well at night.
I can feel how much they hate themselves through Alex’s words as he tore into them, and this is honestly partly Alex’s fault, because he reduced them to a mistake they made. Dream Alex (who will now be referred to as DA from now on) was taunting listener—and throwing the words Alex said to them during the break up back to them. He kept on reminding them of their mistakes, and that THEY are the reason why he left. He kept on reminding them of the worst parts of themselves—and that’s high key what Alex did during the break up too. I feel like we all need to acknowledge that what DA said to listener in this audio is most definitely not a reflection of the way the real Alex would talk and act—simply because DA is a figment of listener’s imagination. And since listener is filled with so much hurt and heartbreak right now, of course their own guilt and self hatred is going to distort how things operate in their mind. So, let’s not take the things he has said at face value.
Listener has a lot to work on. Their trust issues left a wound that ran deeper than they initially thought. In a way, they are too much in their own head as well—and do end up going to the worst case scenario, and this behavior stems from the trauma they sustained from their former partner. This leads them to do irrational things, like invading Alex’s privacy and accusing him of stuff that only happened in their head.
Both of them have a lot of shit they need to work on. Alex needs to learn how to actually talk about how he feels, learn how to take accountability for the things he’s done wrong, and maybe grow a damn backbone, and listener needs to go get some damn therapy, get their trust issues sorted out, and learn all the facts before they come at people with any assumption they might have about them. I feel like this dream was kind of the point where listener realizes that they simply just can’t let their relationship end like this, because through this dream sequence, they realize that there was still a lot of stuff that was left unsaid, and are now seeking for some closure. I think now it’s the best time to go for it, considering that Alex apparently didn’t go to NYC and stayed in London instead (this is still very much unclear). And I am hoping and praying that his ass has the same nightmare listener had as well. Listener can’t be the only one who has a wake-up call (pun intended).
Their downfall was caused because these two idiots don’t know how to convey their emotions to each other properly. They could’ve had it all if one just actually opened their damn mouth to speak, and the other would just simply think before they open theirs.
This confrontation can go two ways: they cut each other loose and go about their own lives, or they find a way to make it work, (granted that they are BOTH willing to work on themselves).
Do I think their relationship is a lost cause? I don’t know. Something tells me that this probably isn’t the end, and a part of me (as much as I talk shit about how much I want listener to be an absolute bad bitch and leave him to drown in his regret), doesn’t want it to be the end.
With this being said, I still don’t like Alex. It’s gonna take much more than a damn walk down memory lane with a bizarre, brutal, dream version of him to get me to like him again.
Oh and by the way, Saku if you’re reading this—sleep with one eye open tonight.
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inbarfink · 8 months
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Among the various readings and interpretations of What the Hell is Up With the Ending to the DHMIS Web Show - one of the more interesting ones (from my perspective, at leas) has always been that it’s all a metaphor for repeating patterns of trauma and/or abuse. 
As in, most of the narrative of the DHMIS Webshow has been some sort of surrealist metaphor for Roy being an overcontrolling and manipulative parental figure for his son and his friends
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And then the ending shows them finally escaping his influence -
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Only that without a frame of reference for just how screwed-up their upbringing really was and without any healthy way to process their various traumas, they end up being in danger of just replicating his abuse on their own. Either on each other or maybe on the color-swapped characters who can, like, represent their own children or something.��
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And so the vague ending of the Webshow is an open question, yes, the trio might’ve gotten physically away from Roy’s influence - but are they free from it mentally?
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Or are they doomed to snap back into their old familiar world?
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And the interesting thing about this is that like… that could be what the Web Show is about on a metaphorical level. But in the TV Show, with its greater emphasis on interpersonal conflicts and the characters - the idea of our main trio unknowingly replicating the abuse they live under is not just something we can hypothetically ruminate on. It’s something we can actually see, something we can actually feel.
Like, the first thing that made me think of Yellow and Red’s interactions with Stain Edwards.
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This is basically the closest the Three of Them can get to being parental figures within the confines of the Format. He starts out as such a sweet and curious child-like being, his title for himself is literally ‘the Forever Boy’. And, well…
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Red and Yellow are just so uncomfortable with his curiosity and thirst for adventure that they basically immediately try and stomp it right out. And that’s like a whole big thing about DHMIS, isn’t it? The way that children’s edutainment and the education system actually curbs children's curiosity and desire for learning so they can better memorize easily-digestible simplified concepts and Respect Their Authority Figures. 
You know, it’s the whole thing with…
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And that’s kinda how Red acts with Stain? He’s a lot less violent and more subdued about it - but he also discourages the little guy from asking questions and wanting to explore the world. 
And he is trying to push him into fitting more into the Format. And, like, managing his life like the Trio’s own life is managed by the Format. First more generally into what being part of the DHMIS main trio is supposed to mean (‘just sit here and something will happen’) and then eventually literally turning him into something he didn’t want to be. 
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And from our more familiar perspective, it’s clear that Red Guy really just genuinely thinks at this point that sitting passively and Waiting to Be Taught At is how things are Supposed to Be and can’t really imagine things going any other way. He is honestly just trying to get Stain to understand how their life is supposed to work. (Well until it starts becoming about making a new Duck) 
And it’s also clear to us how much Red Guy is motivated by just unaddressed grief about Duck and wanting to avoid conflict with Yellow Guy, who's a lot more explictly lashing out at Stain in his grief
"What's the matter with him?" "Nothing. Just don't look at him." "What? Where can I look? I can't look at him, can't look over there..." "No, if, if you want to look at stuff, just tell me and I-I'll make a list. Of where you should or should not look..." "Seems like a weird system..." "Yeah, well, you seem like a weird little...thing with...and you don't even... the other guy at least had his own clothes"
But looking at it from Stain’s perspective, taking aside our understanding of Red’s character and motivation. This is just an authority figure giving him a nonsense set of rules and then lashing out at him when he questions it. Never giving a deeper explanation than ‘this is how it’s supposed to be’ and basically punishing his curiosity.
Kinda like, well, how the Teachers tend to interact with the trio.
And then there’s Yellow Guy who’s just totally lashing out at Stain through the whole thing, because, again, he can’t process the grief of losing Duck. Because his environment did not give him the tools to properly process that trauma and he has no healthy frame of reference to grief and that’s kinda...
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Yeah, that’s just what I was talking about. Stain’s subplot in ‘Death’ is just Yellow and Red having not interrogated their abusive environment and not really dealing with their trauma and thus repeating the patterns of the Teachers on their new child-like figure.
Which then culminates with either Duck killing Stain in the name of preserving the status-quo of the format (“there’s only supposed to be three of us”) or with Stain having internalized so much of what Yellow and Red (but mainly Red) taught him about what he’s supposed to be that he was willing to kill in the name of the Format - and then slotted in perfectly in the unadventurous, unquestioning role of Duck.
And this lil narrative is especially interesting if you believe any variance of the David Theory. Because Yellow and Red were mainly motivated in their mistreatment of Stain by their Grief about a ‘dead’ family member. Which could mirror Lesley's trapping and mistreatment of the trio and her own motivations. 
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But I think this idea of mirroring and repeating patterns of abuse are reflected in more than just this one episode. It’s also reflected in the way Red and Duck tend to mistreat Yellow.
Because while Yellow doesn’t slot as neatly into the Child position like Stain did- his simplistic naïveté does mean he often plays a Child-like role in our favorite Forced Family dynamic. And the way that Duck and Red can often condescend to him can… very well mirror the condescending way the teachers address all three of them.
Especially when you also consider the similar manner both the Teachers and Red + Duck react to Yellow being fully charged in ‘Electricity’. They are all so nervous about Yellow breaking away from his supposed ‘role’ as the Stupid One. 
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And they especially all seem so very insecure about the idea that Yellow might be smarter than they are.
And that’s, you know, also an aspect of children’s education that tends to actually harm children and their curiosity. This desire for ‘respect’ towards authority figures and this egotistical need for teachers and parents to always be smarter than their kids - causing them to subtly or bluntly punish children for just being clever or inquisitive. 
It’s, you know “I’m the adult, you are the child. I am supposed to be the Smart and Knowledgeable one and you are the one who must be taught. And you need to play your role!”
Again, that seems to be the whole thing in ‘Time’.
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Here it’s a lot more subtle and less openly hostile, but Yellow can tell that just like that Insurance Teacher,  Red and Duck’s egos have also been hurt by the fact that they might not be smarter than Yellow Guy anymore. And he considers going back to the role he’s ‘supposed to be’, even though being fully-charged seems to feel better for him (‘this doesn’t feel wrong’), just for them. 
That’s almost literally a child giving up on a pursuit of knowledge just to placate his parental figures. 
And then, you know, his refusal to do so and his assertion of his own ability to make decisions for himself (his own maturity, "they're not in charge of us anymore" "Maybe they never were") is directly what leads to him ascending and disassembling not just the trio’s dynamic but the very structure of the Format. 
And I think, it’s not just that Red and Duck’s treatment of Yellow mirrors the way the teachers treat the Three of Them - it might be a result of it as well. With how condescending the teachers are towards them in general, bullying Yellow is their way to assert some sort of maturity and intelligence for themselves. It's super-fucked up, but this is how they internalized expressing what ‘intelligence’ is supposed to look like. And they have no frame of reference for a way of feeling smart or in control that doesn’t involve shutting someone else down. Because that's what literally every authority figure does for them all the time.
Now, do I think that means that our trio is doomed to mirror those patterns? That they will always inevitability repeat the horrors they go through on each other and others? Well, just like with every ‘cycle of abuse’, it can always be broken. But it will take some actual understanding and self-awareness and personal healing from the trio. 
And without this, they’re not just trapped within the Horrors physically, but also spiritually as well. Without it, no matter if they do manage to run away, on some level, their journey will always end up back at home....
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parkinglotdelulu · 7 months
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bf!skz x gn!reader - small romantic gestures 🧸
a/n: Well...its been a few months. So many ideas, never any motivation to write. Oh well! Enjoy! 🌞 tw: none! word count: 769
Chan
I think Chan would be the type of person to always be offering you his sweatshirt. It’s cold? You're uncomfortable? Tired? Sad? Chan is there ready to give you his hoodie. You don’t even have to ask for it. At this point he starts bringing your favorite sweatshirt with him wherever you guys go, just in case you need it. Honestly I think he just likes to see you in his clothes. When he leaves for tour, he will most definitely leave you some of his clothes so it feels like a piece of him is still with you.
Lee Know
I feel like Lee Know is the king of small romantic gestures since he is not super touchy or expressive about his emotions. But I think the most notable would be how he takes care of you by making you food. To him making you your favorite meal is equivalent to saying ‘I love you’. He always makes sure you’ve eaten and will even pack you a lunch for work. At the end of the day you're left with a full belly and warm heart.
Changbin
Changbin is the type of person to not let you open your own door. He has to open it for you. He is gonna give you the princess treatment. You open the passenger door for yourself? No. He will close it and then reopen it. He will stand there and pout at you if you don’t let him open the door for you. “y/nnn why would you do that.” It’s so adorable that you definitely do it just to see his reaction, but you’ll never tell him that.
Hyunjin
Hyunjins loves to bring you flowers. Sometimes it’s as simple as a singular rose, other times he buys you a whole bouquet. It’s almost never the same flower. Always bringing you something new. He will mostly buy you flowers when he knows you have a busy week or for a special occasion but sometimes you find flowers being delivered to your work for no other reason but the simple fact he loves you. And when he brings out a painting he made for your anniversary filled with all of the different kinds of flowers he’s gotten for you, you're bound to cry.
Han
Han is a huge anime fan okay, this man is obsessed but when a new episode if y’alls favorite anime comes out he waits to watch it with you. The first time this happened you fully expected him to have already watched the episode so when you see him again you are very surprised. “You waited for me?” “Yeah of course I did!” He said it like he was shocked you’d even ask him that. Although it might not seem like a big deal to most people, Han waiting to watch something with you made your heart flutter.
Felix
Obviously felix loves touch, so if he can make you feel better while having the opportunity to be close with you, it's a win-win for him. After coming home from a long day at work, Felix notices your tense shoulders when hugging you. Without any hesitation, he’ll lead you to the couch and get to work. You’ve never had to ask him for a massage, he just does it. He’s super attentive and just wants you to relax. You almost always fall asleep, but he doesn’t mind, as long as you're there with him
Seungmin
Although Seungmin isn’t the best with his words he still wants to show you how much he cares. So instead of saying it to you, he writes you little notes.  It could be in the form of a quick goodmorning text on days he leaves before you, little post-it notes he leaves around the house or every once in awhile an actual letter he sneaks into your purse. Either way you're left smiling at the note with his sweet words written down.
I.N
I feel like I.N would love giving you gifts. It could be as simple as buying some pens you liked. He’ll say “Oh you said you liked this, so I bought it for you!” It gets to the point where you have to be careful with voicing the things you like because this man will just go buy it for you. He’s actually crazy when it comes to this. But when he comes home so excited to show you what he bought for you, you can help but smile. You’ll lecture him on his spending later, for now you get to enjoy the stuffed animal he bought for you.
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iintervallum · 5 days
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Sometimes I think about how the dndads cast should be on tumblr, with them having a subreddit(you know how they can be) and dndadstwt being like 10 people, tumblr would be the perfect place for them to see more of the fandom, if they wish to that is. Since quite a lot of people on here are way less honed in on negativity than reddit and twitter.
My edit of this is getting long lol so I'm putting it under a cut
Especially reddit, the people on there honestly I think just get too attached to a specific format or way of doing things, its a common pattern in any long running show fandoms i've been in where its reddit that constantly complains about the "good ol' days" and hate any new changes made. I would sometimes drop in and just see a lot of Scary hate at times, or people getting very irritated with the rule breaking, or just complaining that they're "forcing" the humor. I saw a post like that when i just started s2 and that couldnt have been more incorrect (yeah the piss jokes got a bit much but every other part was golden!...pun not intended)
There were absolutely points where I felt my interest wanning, but I think people would get pretty vicious about it and make a lot of mean spirited accusations. Like if anything the things I really enjoyed about this season was how different it was to s1, the contrast was really nice and i liked a lot of the story choices made, i still think about the apollo four teens and the fucking goof realm episodes, they were amazing. Which is why I remember thinking it was odd that they suddenly started involving the dads from s1 more, but knowing now that Anthony was struggling with people not liking this season as much it makes perfect sense.
Idk if it were just me, but i liked the earlier parts of the season for how the teens were still kind of discovering more about themselves and through gathering each anchor, learning more that their parents are people too, with their own fuck ups revealed and the teens have to clean up after them, so having it shift to be about Willy again was a little odd if i'm being honest(I didnt hate it but a repeat villian is hard to do, and for what its worth i think Willy did get the end he deserved and i loved the finale).
Funnily, in its own way it fits the theme of being a teenager and having to live up to your parents expectations. In a meta sense this being the successor to the first season and it being awkward at points and having issues with its identity is very fitting and just like how teenhood actually is.
I've gotten off topic but my point is fandom is just fandom, and letting it influence the way creators can view their own work is an interesting side effect of the internet and the way we navigate with the media we enjoy or hate. And spaces like reddit are grown in a way to encourage more brutally critical ways of analysing media which has very little consideration for the creator. By no means am I saying that the creators of things should be coddled, heck I literally airing my own annoyances with the podcast in space where i'm uplifting the positivity of tumblr over those spaces lol. I just mean that seeing the more genuine side of the fanbase would be more of a better time for them.
EDIT: (I just phrased things better, fixed the spelling and grammer errors and added more thoughts) The more I ruminate on this the more I think that it would honestly be a good idea. Like I do get the base worry of being too close to the more intense side of the fandom, as people on here are unafraid to gush about the show in ways that can be a little much and theres parasociality and all that jazz.
But it would be really good at least to see some actual genuine positivity, so many people provide their thoughtful meta and theories that even if widely off base are just interesting to read through because of how various different people see themselves in the characters they play. And even the critiques people give are not unkind, they come from a place of wanting to understand the choices made better.
I mentioned this in the old version of this post but having a blacklisted tag that only the people who don't wish their post to be seen by the cast use, something along the lines like how the magnus archives fandom has "do not archive", would be a very useful tool to create a barrier in the fanbase. I know i'm someone who feels very nervous about creators seeing the posts I make. Something like "not safe for dads" could work well or any other joke or pun about it being hidden. I doubt it would be filled with discourse or whatever it would mainly be people hornyposting since i know fandom well enough lol.
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