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anxietysroomsupport · 3 years

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Ugh ok it’s late and I might regret writing this to someone in the morning but I’m genuinely upset now bc my brother just went on a tangent abt how shipping irl ppl is awful and disgusting but crankiplier (markiplier and crankgameplays) is right next tss for me rn and I almost told him yesterday and I’m really upset that he thinks something I enjoy is revolting. Is it actually that bad like should I actually stop? I don’t post anything abt it so I thought it would be fine and I know it’s not real and not gonna happen so it should be fine right? But then why does everything think it’s so awful. I know the real people don’t care for it but they don’t hate when people do it for funsies right? I just feel so bad now like am I actually a bad person? I always seem to have problematic ships and so I have no one to talk to about it but myself which is already kinda hard, but to think that I’m hated by ppl bc I think certain people can be cute together. Can you help me understand please, like should I stop? -🧸

Hi 🧸 Anon,

This is a very grey-zone question so I think it would help to go over a general range of all the kinds of IRL shipping that take place and talk about each one.

It’s also a hotly debated topic and you can find people for and against it all over the internet, so you might want to read through more opinions as well.

First off, the umbrella opinion seems to be that shipping real people together is not cool, because it can make those people very uncomfortable. Celebrities are already a lot more exposed than most people and their fans opinions can have a big sway on what content they produce and what directions their work takes. So, learning that huge numbers of their fans think they should be dating someone or other can be stressful, not matter how they actually feel about that person.

Some celebs take this information in different ways. Thomas Sanders and Jon Cozart apparently thought it was funny and leaned into their ship by making a video about their compatibility. But I recall a talented Loki cosplayer a while back who was very offended that fans were shipping him with another cosplayer and hated all the comments he got about it.

(There is also the side factor of people we see in media or online not necessarily showing their true personality, but actually a persona they create for their content. Deep analysis of those personas as if they were the real person can sometimes make those celebs feel incorrectly portrayed or misunderstood. For example, this is tied to why fanders, and Thomas himself, have made a point to clearly distinguish between the real Thomas and Character Thomas.)

So, what form does the shipping take anyway? If it’s just thoughts in your head - a headcanon - no harm no foul. It sounds like you’re in this category. The celebs can’t read your mind, there’s virtually no way anyone will ever become aware that this ship is taking place in your head. Your thoughts are your own and you shouldn’t feel bad for having them. This is like Level 1. But what if it went further?

Level 2 - innocent posts / chatter

From your example, Mark and Ethan do appear to have a very close friendship in their videos together. So it’s not a big jump to see a new video and comment on their friendship or closeness, and maybe you tag it “crankiplier”. Ships can be platonic, too, of course. Pretty innocent, just recognizing things they’ve actually done together, thinking it’s sweet, and chatting with other fans about it. It might not be the intended focus of the video, but their personalities and friendly chemistry is part of why they’re great to watch together.

Level 3 - fan-edits / art / fiction / and statements

This level is the ultimate grey-zone because of the broad sweeping range of content it encompasses. Redraws of scenes people have actually been in, edits or video compilations of people’s interactions are pretty safe. But art and fiction that are creating entirely new events get iffy. Those celebs didn’t really do those things. Now the fan is developing the relationship beyond what is really there, and should be reasonably cautious.

Special attention to the word “statements” - When fans say things in the comments section or directly at celebs like, “you two should ---” or, “when are you two gonna ---?”, it’s creating a clear potential for that person to feel pressured and uncomfortable.

Level 4 - NSFW /

NSFW suggestions, writing, and art are very questionable! People doing this should be prepared to highly curate who has access to their work, because hate will come out of the woodwork. And if the celebs in question found it, there’s a high chance they would be disturbed and offended, and it may cause them to speak out against it and the poster.

Level 5 - Toxic.

All the levels before now are still grey, albeit some more than others. But this level (that I just made up) represents the denial of facts. While shipping can often build off of what was already there, a toxic level of shipping denies all contradicting information and tries to force its own narrative. Think of celebrities who are actually in relationships already, but the ship is for a different pairing. Toxic shippers will hate the real relationship, sometimes even send hate to that S.O. and promote the failure of the person’s real life relationships in favor of the ship. That’s just wrong and it’s veering right into harassment.

(And coming back to the point about personas, a person might have a relationship that their fans don’t know about, because they keep their private life separate from the persona they present. Fans can’t know everything about a person, and therefore might cross the line without realizing it. The only way to prevent that is by not being so aggressive about a ship in the first place.)

Shipping IRL can stir up a lot of strife in a fandom, because everyone has different boundaries and because it has a high potential for going too far -because it has gone too far, too many times, and people, fans and celebs alike, remember dealing with the fallout of those events and how weird it made things for everyone. Some creators even leaving their work behind to get away from it. When a particular celeb has stated they are already in a monogamous relationship with someone else, or they don’t like being shipped in general, their decisions should be respected. Aggressive, pushy obsessions of IRL ships like in Level 5 should be avoided altogether just to be safe. The celeb’s life is not ours to control.

All that said, freedom of speech means you can say whatever you like, and if that means promoting an IRL ship in various forms, then you could do that. But other people can also tell you they don’t like it, or hate it even.

There will always be people who hate you, or hate groups you’re in, for all kinds of random reasons. People are just too diverse for it to be any other way. So long as you aren’t hurting anyone (e.g. actively and thoughtfully examining your actions to prevent hurting people) then you do you, friend.

-Miss Fay

#🧸#🧸 anon #shipping #irl shipping #long post

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