#its been hard to stay awake:( its really hot in my house too so ive been avoiding doing anything lol
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(sorry im a little behind on trans dr week, catching up today! :D)
#geoposting#its been hard to stay awake:( its really hot in my house too so ive been avoiding doing anything lol
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Ghost Of You - chapter 3
A/N: i think that at this point, me being to lazy and tired to fix grammer and mistakes became a part of the story. Also im very sorry for the angst, im kinda winging it but hopefully stuff will be less painful soon 😅
The beautiful art is by the incredible @chloroformcandles ! Go check her works! Im honestly obsessed and even used her art as icons on both of my scarletwidow blogs.
Warnings: angst of course, mention of death (obviously)
Words count: 1391
ao3 * wattpad * Tumblr story index
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Ever since wanda joined the avengers she was trained in hand to hand combat.
Its not like she actually needed it, she always thought to herself and said it multiple times to the other female avenger and trainer, but Natasha always raised her eyebrow at her and smiled cockily at her in return.
One of wanda's favorite training sessions with natasha was when they were on the run. Steve Insisted they'll keep training as much as they can, even more than they used to as avengers. Natasha agreed, wanda did too but it didn't stop her from complaining every morning when the two women were already panting before the crack of down.
"You're too slow"
Natasha said, her hands holding the younger girl down on training mat.
Wanda tried to push the shorter woman down but with no use, natasha was small yet her grip was strong and her steady firm.
It was amazing that even when they were training and sweaty natasha still managed to look painfully hot. The older women smelled like vanilla and sweat and wanda had to admit that it wasn't a bad combination.
"Well its 5 am natasha, I'm barley even awake" she joked,.
wanda could see natasha holding back her smile. It was funny, really, that Natasha could hold the best poker face and go undercover without a hiss and without ever getting caught, but couldn't contain her smile when it comes to the younger woman.
"So lets make a deal, maximoff. If you can pin me down to the mat i will get you the coffee you like from the coffee down the street"
Wanda smiled.
"They do have a great coffee.. " she said. Natasha agreed, she liked their coffee and she liked the satisfied smile on wanda's face after she takes the first sip.
"I still don't see a reason for us to train combat" wanda grumble out. Natasha smiled at her and wanda's heart skipped a bit.
The younger woman knew she was getting into a dangerous zone with Natasha, but she couldn't help herself.
"I just gave you a reason maximoff. Im 5'3. If you cant take me down what would you do with stronger, bigger, rougher opponent?"
Natasha raised her eyebrow and moved to get up.
Natasha stood and held her hand out to the younger woman.
"You say that wasn't rough, romanoff?" Wanda asked faking annoyance.
"Barely" natasha smirked.
Wanda took the older girl's hand and got up as well.
"I will get that coffee" wanda said.
"Bring it on"
Natasha's smile was dangerously hot.
That was the problem about Natasha Romanoff, wanda knew that no mattar when, or at what situation, the older woman's smile will have a power over her, just like Natasha had.
And that was the only thought that crossed in wanda's mind when the two sat on wanda's bed in her crappy London apartment.
Its been a week since natasha came back and the two did their best to try and understand the circumstances they were in.
The good news were, that Natasha could come and go as she pleases.
wanda didn't knew where she was going when she left and natasha didn't say.
It could be counted as bad news as well.
At the few times when the two womem got frustrated, natasha would've leave, wanda would've cry and then natasha would come back and sit next to her, as close as she can.
The truth was that wanda missed being close to natasha, she was happy to have her around, to talk to her and hear her voice, but she missed her touch and her smell and having her around was getting painful.
Sometimes Wanda wanted to hug her and sob about everything.
And natasha wanted to be able to hold her, and hold her hand.
They missed each other, and sometimes it was too hard for them to be so close to each other without being able to touch.
"I went trough Agetha's book again" wanda finally said. Natasha put down the book she was reading, another novel wanda never heard of.
Wanda couldn't help her envy, because the book was something natasha could touch and hold and wanda wasn't.
"And?" Natasha said.
"I found something but i dont know how to perform it."
She confessed.
"Maybe we can go to someone who might know. Strange maybe?" Natasha said
"I dont think thats a good idea.. Ive been avoiding the other avengers ever since westview" she admitted
"Was it that bad?"
"Its just complicated. I brought vision back for awhile, well, kind of"
Natasha looked at her quietly encouraging her to continue
"I could bring him back but only there, i build these perfect life in there, nat, i had a family and a house and everything was so normal even when it wasn't"
"Why wasn't it perfect?"
"Because as real as it felt it was all a big lie. An illusion"
"Were you happy?"
Natasha asked.
"Yes" wanda admitted. Natasha smiled sadly.
"Then in was worth it, in a way" the older girl said.
"You weren't there" wanda said after a few moments.
The younger woman got up from bed. She wasn't able to sit still or look into the other woman eyes.
"I guess a part of your consensus knew that if I would've been there it wouldn't be perfect" natasha said sadly and got up as well.
"I doubt that there's any reality, fake or real one, that I wouldn't have been in love with you" natasha continued and wanda felt wetness on her cheeks. She was crying.
Natasha stood a few steps away from wanda, she didn't want to get too close and overwhelm the crying girl, but she couldn't stay away neither.
"I'm sorry nat"
"For what?" Natasha asked confused.
"For bringing you back. I just missed you so much and i was selfish.
I guess you were wrong natasha, I'm not a good person"
"I missed you too, every single day in the last 5 years."
Wanda looked up. Her eyes catching natasha's red ones.
Both women were crying. Natasha's cheeks were stained and her eyes were red, yet she was holding herself together pretty well. Probably as as a result of years of holding things inside and making her feelings.
"I blamed clint, you know?" Wanda confessed.
"We had a fight after i found out you were dead. I blamed him for not keeping you safe, and then left. I didn't spoke to him since then"
Wanda catch a glimpse of Natasha's book on the bed and wondered if the lead characters got their happy ending.
Natasha sigh, her hands massaging her temple.
"I dont know what they told you wanda. But i chose to jump. I could've let clint jump"
"You're lying, clint said-"
"That i had no other choice? Knowing him figured its better you wont know that, so you wouldn't be mad at me for doing that."
the two women were so close to each other that wanda could imagine natasha's hot breath and vanilla scent.
Natasha could see the small freckles on the younger girl's nose.
"You want to know why I don't deserve to go to heaven? Wanda" Natasha asked.
Wanda wiped her own tears.
"Why?"
"I'm selfish.
I could've let clint jump but i knew that I couldn't live with the burden and the pain so i left him to live with it instead.
I could let the world stay how it was after the snap, but I didn't. Not because I'm the honorable person you think i am, but because of you. I wanted you to get the life that you deserve."
Natasha smiled bitterly and gestured with her hands to the room they were in.
Wanda wanted to respond but couldn't. Her throat was dry and her head was aching.
"I should go" natasha said and before wanda could protest the older woman was gone and she was alone again.
After a few minutes of crying the witch took a few breath to calm herself down, before she went to her nightstand and took out a disposable cell phone.
"You're not selfish natasha, i am." She whispered.
The young witch typed a few digits and held the phone to her ear.
After a few rings she heard a familiar voice.
"Hey agnes, i need your help"
#natasha romanoff#black widow#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#scarlet widow#wandanat#wanda x nat#wanda x natasha#natasha x wanda
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Pink Chains (cont.)
Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment.
Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly F! reader. Aka my favorite cliche trope. It lives in my head every second of the day.
Brief Violence
The rest of the first half and all ive got so far ! / first half at the bottom !!
Your home was a cheap studio apartment not far from the college; a small studio with a cute bed by the window , a table with a bunch of markers with a big sketchbook sitting in the middle . You had the basic needs and a little couch in the corner but no tv , but there was a little pink cat bed next to the couch.
Kyo stuffed his hands in his pockets looking around the studio , it was weird being in a small studio for him since he has a home . Everything seemed shoved into one or two spots. He sat down on the couch and you were looking a little embarrassed, fussing with your dress .
“I know its not much but ! Its my little space heh, Mocha is probably in her little house sleeping. She will wake up soon though now that im home !!!” You picked up some clothes out of a basket. “Ill be right back , make yourself at home!”
“Okay sweetie.” He leaned forward dipping his head down to look in the cat hut . He could see a tiny kitten sleeping in it and smirked leaning back into the couch getting comfortable, well as much as he could in tight jeans. Kyo peeled his jacket off and pulled his phone out to check it .
Group Chat
Mattsun/ picture
Oikawa/ OOOOOO
Iwaizumi/ i knew pink was your color
Kyotonai/ guess where i am
Iwaizumi/well i dont see you so not at home
Oikawa/ are you at her house ?!?
Kyotani/yep, invited me to stay the night
Mattsun/ oh my , how adult
Kyotani/ shut up Mattsun
Oikawa/ hope you brought condoms
Iwaizumi/ be gentle with her
Kyotani/we aint gonna fuck i just didint want to leave yet
Oikawa/ 😙😙😙😗😙😙😙
Mattsun/ 😳😳😳😳😳
Iwaizumi/ 😒
Kyotani / i hate all of you
Iwa,Kawa, Mattsun/ 💕💞♥️
Kyo put his phone on the table when he saw you come out of the restroom, you were wearing a red panda shirt and matching shorts . Mocha emerged from her home too and meowed for attention . Kyo could not stop looking at you, so cute, so , so cute..
“Mocha! “ you bent down and picked up the brown kitten taking a seat next to Kyo to show him. “Shes a rescue ! I saw her all alone and i just had to help her.”
Kyo took the kitten from you and set it on his lap to pet her. “Shes cute” he leaned back tugging at his jeans trying to relax.
“Whats wrong?” You asked, Kyos lap to pet the happy kitten.
“Had these jeans on all day, i dont want to.. make you uncomfortable.”
Mocha nuzzled into Kyos stomach getting comfy and looked like she was not movin for any reason.
“I dont mine but.. you better do it fast because Mocha is not gonna care that you wanna take em off.”
Gently he lifted to kitten to fuss with his belt , you giggled getting up and grabbing your sketchbook. “Can i show you.. heh my drawings.”
“Of course sweetie, you draw?” He asked , pulling his jeans down with one hand and Mocha in the other. Kyo had on black and pink boxers . “Ugn finally..” he set Mocha back on his lap and placed the jeans on his jacket feeling a little unsure if he should have taken em off.
You hid behind your sketchbook when you saw him on the couch in his boxers. Kyo had tone legs from volleyball and a few tattoos on his legs along with some bruises and knicks.
Kyo looked down at Mocha feeling a little embarrassed. Why were skinny jeans so damn uncomfortable after a while? He asked as he pet the little kitten.
You sat down with him criss cross with the sketchbook on your lap. “Yep! I'm in college for art and design. I want to one day get picked up by a clothing store and have my drawings on shirts”
Kyo leaned towards you looking over the sketches with wide eyes. They might have been all cute things; like kittens, red pandas, hearts, patterns and space but they were so damn good. “You have a real talent these are awesome.”
“Really?!?”
“Yes sweetie. Id put these on my shirts. Oh that reminds me..”
“Oh my gosh!! Kyo that would be so cool!” Gently you placed the sketchbook on the table and looked at Kyo, he was a looking a little unsure of himself. “Whats wrong..?”
“Why exactly did you come into my store ? Ive never seen you in it before”
“ uhm Kyo.. you have a shirt in the window with kittens on it.. so.. “
He laughed wrapping his arm around you making you laugh too. “My ‘Sad Day’ shirt? With all the grumpy cats?”
“Its so cute, how could I not!!!” You hit his chest lightly not liking his tone.
“Okay okay.” Lightly he grabbed one of your hands holding it close. “Happy you did, really.” His eyes drifted off you and around the room.
“Kyo?” You inched closer, picking Mocha up leaning down to place her in her hut.
Kyo picked you up and sat you down on his lap facing him, placing his hands at your hips. He leaned back spreading his legs. “Yes? Sweetie..?” You could feel he was a little hard, it was really hot between your legs..
“Im happy i did too.. i really like you.”
His heart thumped a few times. “First girl to say that to me…” he rested his elbow on the arm of the couch to support his head. “I wasn't the nicest guy in highschool, i'll never forget the day Yahaba slammed me into that wall and told me to get my shit together.”
You looked a little sad at his words, Kyo only mentioned his aggression one other time but even then he sounded upset and full of regret.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked him , cupping his cheeks so he would look at you. His eyes told you ‘yes, yes please.’ But.. “No, i just want to hold you if that's okay.”
“Okay. If we fall asleep my alarm is going to go off at 8 so sorry in advance.” You got comfortable on his lap and Kyo tipped your chin up so you were looking at him.
“Would you be more comfortable on the bed?”
“Yes i think so. I dont think i can sleep like this. Hehe.”
Kyo gripped your hips picking you up, he stepped over Mochas hut and brought you to the bed to lay down with you, his face a little red. You latched onto his sleeve closing your eyes and drifting off. “Night Kyo..”
“G’night sweetie..”
Fuck what was he doing ? Talking about it will help.. right? Kyo had to wait a bit before you were fully asleep to get up and grab his phone.
Kyotani/ Iwaizumi
Iwaizumi/ Yes
Kytotani/ keep this between us
Iwaizumi/ you didn't hit it and ditch did you?
Kyotani/ what? No.
Iwaizumi/ are you scared to make it official Kyo
Kyo stared at the text for a few minutes reading it over and over .
Iwaizumi/ is it the anger issues
He squeezed his phone and sat down on the couch dialing his phone.
“Im scared ill lash out or something”
“Mm.. when was the last time that happened again?”
“The Tourney against the Black Jackals.”
“Ah yes, think Kei had to pry you off Bokuto or something right?”
“Yes… Iwaizumi i can't lash out at her. I just can't, i mentioned Yahaba and that day and she asked if i wanted to talk about it”
“You said ’no’, didn't you” Sigh “Kyotani she's not a threat, she's not an enemy . She's literally just a girl who likes you. Open up to her”
“How.”
“Uuhhmmmm, tell her you want to talk about it. I'm going to bed. You can do this Kyotani”
He hung up .
Kyo rubbed his face for a minute and glanced at you for a minute then back to his phone opening up Messages.
Kyotani/ Mattsun i know your asleep but invite Yahaba to the beach volleyball.
He set his phone down and very slowly made his way back to you. He wrapped his arms around your sleeping body and shut his eyes tight trying to sleep.
**
In the morning Kyo was awake early browsing on his phone, he stared at the screen for a minute before pressing Play on the video.
-flash back-
‘Another score for the Black Jackals!!! It is Match Point !!! ‘
The Sendai frogs were tired, sweaty and losing this Tournament. The Black Jackals were still full of energy and ready to go . It was a very hard game for both sides and Bokuto kept testing Kyotani, this was the first time he met the loud grey haired boy and he just did not like him. He knew Hinata but he did not like him too much.
Kyotani was doing better at keeping his temper under control and his team figured out how to hype him up without making him angry. Kei was not too fond of him but then again he did not really need to be, they just needed to be on the same page on the court.
That owl boy though, he was loud, annoying , and just testing him. Kyotani knew it, every serve, block, and spike was for him to clear or get rid of . Kyotani got hit with the ball a couple times and thats when he lost it.
‘Kyotani has taken another hit from the ball!!!’ Yelled the annoucer .
“Hey hey hey?!! Eye on the ball yea!??”
“Dont let it get to you” Kei told him .
“.........”
“..Kyot-“
He was on the other side of the net ontop of Bokuto punching him .The whole building was dead silent.
The last thing Kyotani remembered was hearing the announcer describe what was happening and Kei pulling him off of Bokuto.
He quit the Sendai Frogs that day, took his last check and left not looking back. He opened an apparel shop he called The Dog House and got in touch with his old highschool teammates starting over.
-end flashback-
You woke up to see Kyos hand on your head , you were not fully awake so you just laid there enjoying the nice feeling on your head. Mocha had also joined you in bed and was between you both sleeping. Kyo smelled like leather… an old leather that was renewed, it made your nose crinkle a bit. Looking up you saw he had a collar tattoo with spikes on it on his wrist . It was kinda silly but kinda cute too , although you wondered what it meant.
A minute later your alarm went off and you whimpered letting Kyo know you were awake. He let go of your head to slam your alarm clock off. He looked upset or angry in the face, and he was still staring at his phone.
Slowly you got up and gently placed Mocha on your pillow so you could scoot closer to him. “Kyo? Did you get any sleep?”
“I have to show you something.” He said as he turned his phone to you pressing Play again.
You were holding the phone now, it was alot heavier than yours . You had watched the video a couple times and everytime Kyo punched Bokuto you flinched. After the second time you placed the phone down to sit facing him.
“Kyo..”
He looked the other way running his hand through his hair.
“Kyo?”
He wanted to run away so bad. Start over again. Someplace without people like -
“Kyo.”
You were between his legs now , he had his knees up and was resting his elbows on them and still did not look at you. Dammit Mad Dog just say something to her, she's right there, dont shut her out.. dont shut..
You grabbed his face turning his head, kissing him, catching him very off guard. Kyo fell back taking you with him . You had no intention of stopping and just kissed him more and more even though he cursed between breaths. Kyo grabbed you lifting you up off his face and chest. You frowned at him and sat down on his lap once he let you go, cheeks flushed and very embarrassed.
“S..swee..sweetie”
“You aren't like that anymore!” You told him while you rubbed your eyes.
“Sweetie no don't cry please..” he sat up taking you in his arms rubbing your back in circles. “Sshh..”
“Please.. talk to me..” You sniffled into his neck squeezing him tight.
Kyo was shaking .. you were shaking . He laid his head on your neck starting from the beginning.. the very beginning. Every few minutes he would stop to check if you were still crying. He would cup your face and wipe under your eyes and ask ‘Are you Afraid of Me’ and you shook your head saying ‘No’ every single time. You were both tearing up by the end of it, Kyotani told you about Yahaba, Highschool after Iwa & Kawa graduated , how he became a Pro and Bokuto. The look on his face just made you so sad and seeing you sad was something he never wanted to see.
“Sweetie.. how , how can.”
“I like you Kyo, a lot. I'm not scared, never will be.”
“I'm so scared ill lash out at you sweetie.”
You grabbed his hand holding it and running a hand up and down his sleeve while you talked. “Kyo.. you let me touch your wolves. When we first met in your shop i noticed you were rubbing it a lot , like you were worried or you thought id just out right touch it”
“I..”
You kissed him again and wiped your eyes free of stray tears. “I want to be with you Kyo, i wanna.. see red pandas with you”
He laughed at that and so did you.
“I already said i'd take you didint i?” He asked cupping your face .
“Just making sure you know i really wanna go heh..”
“I know sweetie, believe me i know.” Kyo kissed you and you blushed wrapping your arms around him.
The alarm went off again too.
••
@zoppzoop @mocha-babes @haikyuu-but-low-iq @milkbreadcat @kozushiki
••
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Escaping the Burn
Evan Buckley Week
March 25th - Day 3: “Please don’t close your eyes!” + hurt
Buck can feel the fire getting worse around him right before his radio crackles, Bobby’s voice coming through. “Buck, where are you? This building is going down any minute, and you need to be clear when that happens.”
Read on ao3 or under the cut.
Buck can feel the fire getting worse around him right before his radio crackles, Bobby’s voice coming through. “Buck, where are you? This building is going down any minute, and you need to be clear when that happens.”
Buck grunts, breathing heavily in his mask. He shifts the weight of the man on his back, gripping him securely with one hand so he can grab at his radio with the other. “I have one vic with me, he’s not doing so good, Cap. I’m doing a final sweep.”
“Report said the man’s alone. Head home, Buck,” Bobby’s voice cuts back.
Buck doesn’t have to be told twice. He heads towards the exit, keeping an eye on the flames climbing the walls around him. Once on scene, the 118 realized that this fire was burning hot and Buck suspected that most of the house wouldn’t be standing by the end of the night.
In less than a minute, he’s clear of the home. Walking out into the open air is an immediate relief, even through all his gear he’s wearing. The adrenaline that comes from walking into disasters always helps Buck focus, but it certainly doesn’t help him stay cool.
He stumbles a bit down the rickety stairs, the man groaning and starting to move on his shoulders. Hen and Chimney aren’t quite ready for him, but the man is certainly ready to get down, so Buck kneels and gently rolls him off his shoulders onto his back.
Buck rips off his mask, gulping in the smoke-filled night air, and starts doing a preliminary once-over, checking for serious burns and injuries that he can identify. The man’s burned pretty bad. His clothes are singed into his skin in some places, and unmercifully, the man is still awake. He must have one hell of a pain tolerance.
“Sir, you’re going to be okay. I need you to stay still. We’re taking you to the hospital,” Buck says as the man tries to sit up. Buck bars him with as gentle a hand as he can manage, but still, the man cries out in pain. His face is soot-dirty, but his eyes are startling white, and when his gaze focuses on Buck, he feels like he’s being pierced.
“My dog,” he rasps, now gripping at Buck. “Where is my dog? Did you guys get her out?”
Buck’s brow crinkles. A bad feeling settles in his stomach. “Dog? There’s a dog in the house?”
“Yes! Oh my god, she’s still in there! Petunia!” the man starts screaming, fighting against Buck even more.
Buck eyes the house critically, looking for any evidence of movement besides flame. His team is still pumping water at the house, and that combined with the smoke makes it hard to see anything specific.
“Sir, you’ve got to stay still! You’re going to hurt yourself worse!” Hen yells, sliding to the ground across from Buck. Chimney taps on Buck’s shoulder, and he moves instantly, watching the pair try to simultaneously restrain and treat the vic. Suddenly, he stops moving and stiffens, falling back violently against the ground, eyes rolling up into his head.
Buck can’t help it. He reaches for the man’s leg, leaning forward. “Hey, man, come on! Please don’t close your eyes! Where exactly is your dog?” It’s no use, though, the man is still out of it, coughing violently. Buck stands to shuffle further out of the way and closer to the house burning down behind him.
Buck knows it’s stupid. Cap already called it, the house isn’t stable any more, but—
He has to. Buck doesn’t think he can live with himself if he doesn’t at least try. If he has to suffer through reprimands from Bobby and a probably livid Eddie, well, he can live with that, at least.
Buck sprints back up the stairs, yanks his mask back over his face, and ignores his name being yelled behind him. The heat engulfs him yet again, and he starts scanning the ground, looking for any sign of the overlooked dog. He doesn’t even know what kind of dog he’s looking for, but he sweeps the rooms as quickly and thoroughly as he can.
“Buck! I told you this building is done for. Get out of there!” Bobby’s voice is authoritative and if Buck was really listening, maybe a teensy bit scared. But Buck’s never been afraid to ignore an order before, so he keeps sweeping as he fumbles the radio on.
“I can’t, Cap! Not everyone made it out. There’s a dog in here.”
“You won’t make it out if you’re in there when that building goes!” Fuck. That’s Eddie, and he sounds not happy, to say the least.
He feels Eddie’s distress tug at him, trying to pull him back out the front door, back into the safety of the LA night. It’s the same tug that happens any time Eddie so much as looks at him, that desire to always be by his side.
Usually, Buck has no reason to deny the urge, but tonight, Buck ignores it.
Another insufferably slow minute passes as he carefully navigates the rooms before he finally sees a small black blob curled up in the single area of the kitchen not currently on fire. Buck runs over, reaches down, and scoops the tiny thing into his arms. Her head flops a little, and Buck can’t tell if she’s breathing. Buck cradles the dachshund to his chest, covering its tiny body with as much of his turnout jacket as he can.
Buck hurries back towards the front door, and of course he watches as the broken door falls across the entrance, catching the entire frame on fire. He can see his team through the door, blurry dark shapes moving everywhere. Hen and Chimney are still crouched over the vic. Buck also can’t tell if he’s breathing.
Buck tightens his hold on the dog. “Cap, who’s on the hose? Get them to spray the door. I need an exit,” Buck says over the radio, counting down the seconds, paying attention to each creak and groan that the house lets out, almost as if to warn him: it’s not going to stay standing much longer.
“Got it. Stand clear,” Cap says, yelling out commands off radio. Buck swings away from the entrance, stepping back just as water shoots through the flame-licked doorframe. The rushing sound of the water mixes with the thundering flames around him, and it’s a cacophony of chaos, but Buck is laser focused. This kind of chaos only sharpens Buck’s senses, drowns out the extraneous noise, and it’s this single moment of intense concentration that he feels the dog struggle to life in his arms. Buck’s heart unclenches just a bit knowing that at least one of tonight’s victims is still alive.
Suddenly, the jets of water vanish, and Cap’s voice screams to him, so loud Buck can hear him both through the radio and outside the burning house. “Clear, Buck! Move it!”
With a burst of hope and no desire to disobey his Captain’s orders now, Buck leaps over the still-smoking front door, but he lands on the porch hard, one of his boots slamming through the flame- and water-weakened wood. Buck curses, pulling his leg free and he tilts a bit too far, and he knows he’s going to fall, can only think of rolling onto his back to avoid crushing this tiny body in his arms, but then someone is grabbing his shoulders, yanking him down the porch stairs and straight into a familiar chest.
“That was so fucking dumb, Buck, fuck,” Eddie bites out, his grip on Buck’s arms tightening in combined anger and fear, but his eyes are only shining with relief. He lifts Buck’s mask off his face and lets it clatter to the ground, Eddie’s hands returning to Buck’s body, grounding them both.
Buck pants as he leans into Eddie’s, feeling the last wave of adrenaline loosening its hold. That unmistakable tug back to safety, to Eddie, quiets within Buck as the seconds pass and his brain catches up, recognizing that he’s out of danger. “No man left behind, right? Even if it’s a dog. And a girl,” Buck says breathlessly.
Eddie pulls him further away from the burning house, which is now crumbling in on itself. Just a bit longer in that building and that could’ve been it for Buck. But tonight he made it out, so dwelling on the maybes won’t do anything for him except keep him up at night.
Buck approaches the man, now secured on a stretcher, white gauze wrapped everywhere around his body, and an IV strung up and held by Hen. Eddie follows after him, hand hooked in the crook of Buck’s elbow, clearly not ready to let go. They’re wheeling him towards the ambulance. The man’s critical, but stable, and so Buck feels no remorse for holding them up another minute.
“Wait!” Buck calls, hurrying closer. “Hey, look who I found.” Buck stands by the man’s head, uncurling his arms a little to show the trembling, but very much alive, dog.
“Petunia,” the man breathes and immediately starts crying. It could be the morphine, but he looks up at Buck with unabashed, whole-hearted relief shining in his eyes. It’s the same exact expression that Eddie gave him, and to feel that kind of appreciation twice in quick succession is a little overwhelming. “Oh fuck, thank you, oh my god… I don’t know what I would have done if she—” he cuts off, crying even harder.
Buck says nothing (what is there to say, you’re welcome?) and only lowers the dog closer. The man manages to lift his hand up, and she gives him a good sniff and a tiny lick. Besides some smoke-inhalation and a desperate need for a bath, the dog is fine. Buck lets out a huge breath, shoulders slumping, and if there are some tears in his eyes, he’ll blame the smoke.
Bobby comes up beside him and suddenly, they’re all there, surrounding this man reuniting with his dog, and Buck knows that he’s not the only one blaming the smoke for some extra waterworks going on. Bobby slaps a hand on Buck’s shoulder, grip tight, and he knows he’ll be chewed out tomorrow. But for now, Bobby is letting them have this moment, and Buck is again reminded why he loves him, admires him, and most importantly, wants nothing more than to make him proud. Buck thinks, even if Bobby won’t say it, he did tonight.
Tonight, Buck will sleep easy, but tomorrow, Buck will want a dog.
#evanweek2020#ew2020#911#911 fox#911 fic#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#bobby nash#hen wilson#henrietta wilson#chimney han#howie han#my writing#this could have gone so much worse#it barely counts as hurt tbh
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Favorite Star Wars Fics
REBELCAPTAIN
Floating, Sinking shuofthewind
Somewhere in her is the sinking feeling that they weren't supposed to survive.
[In which they all live, in a manner of speaking, and they keep going, in spite of the odds.]
[Post-Rogue One. Runs through A New Hope. Eventual Rebelcaptain.]
whetstone shuofthewind
They're finished with their first mission. Now it's just the matter of downtime.
[Part of the floating, sinking universe. Mostly just fluff.]
Restless jenniferjun1per
Jyn needs to sleep, but she can't seem to get comfortable.
You Still Are leralynne
The scar zigzags down her side, puckered white along the ridges of her ribs. Cassian’s fingers still the first time they brush over it. With her head on his chest, she can feel his intake of breath.
A Long Pause leralynne
“Be quiet!” Jyn hisses. “I hear something!” Cassian stills. And then slowly, very slowly, he lifts his lips from Jyn’s collarbone.
slowly, and then all at once caramelle
It's probably sheer stubbornness, Cassian thinks wryly.
Even so, it doesn't mean he's just going to leave her like that.
Or, the one where Jyn has a habit of falling asleep around the apartment, and Cassian develops a habit of carrying her back to bed, because he's a Gentleman, and a Good Friend.
There For You guineapiggie
They reach Yavin IV and Jyn has every intention to lock herself in the room they've given her and not come out ever again. However, someone strongly disagrees with that plan.
flight lessons ignitesthestars
“One hundred percent of the crashes I have experienced involved you, Jyn Erso.” K2 informs her pleasantly. “Given that no other flight experience I've been involved in has experienced an abrupt descent, I can only conclude that you - oh. You're bleeding.
Or, Jyn is slightly impaled and Cassian sees to her wound. Emotions are had.
Won't You Let Us Wander (series) angel_deux
Cassian came back for her. Again and again. After Scarif, that complicates things for Jyn, who's used to running | 13 part series.
Cuddling for Warmth leralynne
“Jyn is shivering,” K2 observes, with the kind of bland indifference only possible when one is a droid incapable of experiencing just how goddamn freezing this planet is.
Bloody Little Worms Kobo
Jyn Erso is accustomed to being jolted awake. Saw Gerrera shaking her awake at every hour of the night, keeping her on her toes; the rough shift from hyperspace to realspace rattling the frame of a ship; Imperial guards smacking their batons against iron bars; nightmares, images of her father’s last breath or the echoing smack of Cassian’s back against steel bars: Jyn is accustomed to those.
A white hot grip on her lungs? This marks the first time she’s awoken to that.
Closer muggleindenial28
"They don’t speak on the way down.
They don’t acknowledge the distant shrill screams of TIE Fighters and X-Wings outside.
They don’t think about how they’re not going to get out in time."
They make it off Scarif, but not without scars.
like real people do mollivanders
“I have an idea,” she says, mind whirling as she steps towards the room. “We need a reason to be here like this.” He follows close behind her and she can practically feel the tension washing over him. In contrast, the plan forming in her mind has provided her with a calm clarity. He closes the door behind them before she props it ajar/
They need to be caught.
Beach House lyresandlasers
“Never say I don’t support you,” Jyn lifted his head into her lap, cradled in crossed legs.
cover me, i'll cover you mollivanders
“Are you hurt?” he asks blindly, reaching for her only to snatch his fingers back as she lurches away. He forgets she’s like a feral animal when she’s injured, used to being the only person having her back. “Let me see,” he says, trying to force authority and calm into his voice, both to reassure her and take control of the situation.
Inside, he’s anything but.
I hear the revolution rebsrising
The babble sounds through the baby monitor, soft and quiet, but enough to wake two well-trained soldiers still adjusting to the safety of peace.
Bodhi's Perspective rebsrising
It’s a simple scene - and that’s what strikes Bodhi the most. They kiss like they’re going to do it everyday for the rest of their lives. And he hopes, not for the first time, that they have the chance.
We Can Turn Over and Start Again kyrdwyn
After Scarif, Jyn starts over, with a new mission, and an unexpected friend.
Fifteen Days clashofqueens
It's hard to hold on to a happy ending during a war, and in the final days of the Rebellion, Jyn might lose hers.
Lay Down My Shields katsumi
Jyn comes down with a strange reaction to a foreign plant, but it doesn't seem like a big enough deal to bother anyone with. That is, until she faints in the middle of the hallway.
Run to Me in the Rising Dawn katsumi
Jyn has never had anyone stick around before. The battle is over now, but the war rages on and Jyn is already preparing for the day when she loses Cassian, too. (She doesn't realize he's terrified of the exact same thing.)
the quiet we hold ithacas
After Scarif, Cassian wakes up broken. He and Jyn learn to fix each other.
We Should laurie2000ann
Jyn could have died trying to save Cassian and he’s pretty angry about it.
Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About astoriamalfoys
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks her, a wry smile twisting his lips. Jyn ducks her head. “Nightmares or the medicine?”
It’s meant to be an easy conversation, but she says, “I was worried about you,” and his heart stutters to a staccato instead.
Han x Leia captainkitten
Important Thing of Awesomeness™ meets Dumpster Fire of a Human Being™
REYLO
we could plant a house, we could build a tree Like_A_Dove
Ben takes a deep breath. “It’s—it’s a project. Conceptual art. You wouldn’t get it.”
Rey presses her lips together to keep from laughing. She plans her next words quickly and carefully, determining what will get her the best reaction. “Really? Looks like you ruined a bedsheet to me.”
His reaction does not disappoint. “Get out.”
Parenthood (series) pontmercy44
What to expect when you're expecting the child of a rich, womanizing, alcoholic, unredeemable asshole? And what to do when the unexpected, improbable, irrational happens?
What She's Worth g_girl143
After being sent to train under his uncle in the Jedi academy, Ben Solo meets a youngling girl who would change the course of his life. An alternative universe companion fic for Claudia Gray's "Bloodline" novel. A scenario in which Ben Solo and Rey are fellow students of Luke's Jedi Academy and the events that led to the birth of Kylo Ren.
A Proposal by Any Other Name LucidLucy
Rey and Finn have been A Thing for a long time now. Since she was eighteen, to be exact. When Finn leaves on a trip to Europe for six months for work, Rey finally chases after him to Dublin to do what he seems to be putting off: propose. | Leap Year AU
If You Trust What's in Your Heart (What Better Can You Do) TheJGatsby
After the war, Rey likes to savor the peace on her own sometimes. Then she's not alone anymore.
Black Gloves, Orange Soup Solia
While the dwindling Rebellion starves, awaiting their chance to attack a First Order supply vessel, Rey is trying to keep busy repairing the lightsaber. As luck would have it, her Force-bonded rival Kylo Ren is knowledgeable on the subject and keen to help, but he is also very... distracting.
A Good Fall ohwise1ne
Ben Solo refuses to take a stunt double and pays the price when he breaks his leg filming his latest action blockbuster. His new physical therapist, Rey Sanders, seems to be the only person in Hollywood who doesn’t recognize the infamous Kylo Ren – and for some reason, he finds himself fighting to keep it that way.
A Royal Mistake reyofdarkness
Ben Solo (aka The Playboy Prince): Prince of Alderaan and tabloid sensation, never seen with the same girl twice.
Rey: Mechanic, blissfully unaware of Ben Solo's very existence.
Until Paige recruits her for a night servicing the Met Gala, host to a diverse class of guests, including royalty. It is there that a chance encounter gets Rey caught up in a pair of pretty eyes and a charming personality that she knows she should stay far, far away from. The universe, however, seems to have other plans. Hot Tip: Don’t look up your crush’s sex tape.
The End of a String Silvershine
A bridge still exists between the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the rebel known as Rey. As the connection winds tighter, the line between enemy and friend continues to blur, and Rey's loyalties are called into question. A force bond can bring companionship and support, but it's not without its dangers... or delights.
No Ill Will Castiloar
His face set into a resigned expression before tapping his phone with a final flourish, sending whatever excuse he made. She almost jumped when he squarely met her gaze. “Me? Your hostage? I’d almost think you like having me here.” Even with the congestion he managed to drop his voice low enough to make the quip weigh heavy.
variations on a theme of you disasterisms
"Who knows?" Luke darted a faint smile at Ben and Rey as they stewed in silence and disbelief. "The two of you might even learn to get along. Right, Leia?"
"Like a house on fire," the General deadpanned. "Complete with screams, flames, and people running for safety."
"Indeed." Luke's blue eyes twinkled. "There may be no survivors."
As Hard As I Try... KKetura
When her friends find out about her force bond with Kylo Ren, Rey finds herself more alone than ever. But in her forced solitude, she slowly discovers a better understanding of herself and the man to whom she's inextricably linked.
lying restless (as the dawn comes near) TheJGatsby
They have a tradition for nightmares.
you gotta stop doing that semi-hiatus
She caught herself right before the words ‘you gotta stop doing that’ slipped from her lips, saving her from having the explain why she randomly started talking to herself in the hallway.
Why Her? Aramenialys
Just one last battle. One. Then they can be done and put everything behind them. That was the plan. Then it's smashed to bits, and Kylo has to figure out how to come back from tragedy and form a new one. A short drabble/oneshot about Rey dying and (redeemed) Kylo learning to cope.
Quiet issueswithjedipedagogy
He wasn’t sleeping. She had caught sight of him in the darkness, blinking awake to the strange vacuum the bond created around her; the quiet focus on two souls that seemed to make everything else fall away.
Soft Things catmusing
Kylo Ren wakes up aboard a familiar and yet unknown ship. His body aches and it hurts to remember but there is Rey of light.
Aphelion ambiguously
Stranded on a barren planet together, Rey and Kylo Ren have only each other to help them survive.
Vulnerability and Soft Hair smallenoughtofit
After two years with the Resistance, Kylo Ren still lacks any real security or relationships outside of his tenuous whatever-this-is with Rey. And Rey still wonders what his hair feels like.
the remedy is the experience (i won't worry my life away) TheJGatsby
Rey gets sick, and she isn't very good at letting people look after her.
Proper Sleep tearoomsaloon
Much to her frustration, Rey can no longer properly sleep unless she's snuggled between Ben's glorious pecs
ad infinitum hyperphonic
for the prompt: Rey and Kylo telling Leia, Rey is pregnant. Leia had no clue.
any way you want it thegoodlannister
rey helps ben begin to work through the process of making decisions - even really simple ones - for himself. rehabilitation is a slow process in the aftermath of the mess snoke has spent three decades making of ben's mind.
It Will Come Back ReyloTrashCompactor
“Honey, don’t feed it. It will come back”
A Series of Firsts Tandy
Ben (or is it Ren?) and Rey sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love and then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.
A story told in firsts.
Dark Prism whythokylo (OpalElephant)
Rey awakens again, except this time it's to a life she can't recall with a man she only knows as her enemy. My attempt at a long form, dark AU. (Formerly titled Aphelion)
A Few Small Repairs TourmalineGreen
Rey buried her face in her blankets. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t going to allow herself to feel anything. Rain was just water, and so were tears. It would all dry, in time. The storm would pass, and then she’d keep going. That’s how it always had been, and that’s how it was going to be.
She would be alright, after this. She would find a way, find something…
what ails you thegoodlannister
or: three times ben solo was sick and one time kylo ren was. unabashed reylo and even more unabashed hurt/comfort.
100 Ways to Say I Love You AquaWolfGirl
Taken from a list on Tumblr of 100 Ways To Say I Love You, 100 little oneshots leading up to Valentine's Day.
I'm always in this twilight (in the shadow of your heart) disasterisms
Coded on a secondhand datapad in a run-down motel room in Mos Eisley, deleted and never sent: Everything about us was a whirlwind.
Written on a scrap of durasheet in a Tion Cluster outpost, the words fading after a while into air and ghosts: You shouldn't have forgiven me for any of it.
Scraped into the bark of an oak tree on the Argazdan homeworld: You won't believe the dreams I have about you.
the one with the lust writing-reylo
She has bigger things to worry about than that.
The most pressing of which is reclining in her bed, shirtless.
“Can you move?” She asks, unwinding her scarf and shrugging off her huge jacket.
Milking It thewayofthetrashcompactor
“Rey.”
The voice was deep and familiar, rough with exhaustion, and echoed across the gap closed by the Force.
She ignored it, hunched over on the edge of the cot she'd been sleeping on. She wanted nothing more than to lean back and curl up into an unconscious ball again, but another voice, this one much closer, called her name again.
morning in the burned house disasterisms
Leia's not really surprised at all, to be honest, but, for the sake of his pride, she should probably pretend to be.
find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel again_please
The war is over, Snoke dead at Rey and Kylo's hands. The two of them find themselves feeling a bit out of place as the Resistance celebrates and decide that the answer is a bit of good old fashioned Corellian whiskey. Enjoyed responsibly, of course. And in private.
Because You're There disasterisms
Three years ago, Rey had not yet climbed Everest.
Presenting the first half of my fic/art trade with the lovely lilithsaur, based on her trash triplets x 2 universe. The gist is that there are three Solo boys— Kylo, Ben, and Matt (the character from Adam Driver's SNL skit)— and three Kenobi girls— Kira (dark Rey), Rey, and Daisy (undercover Rey).
Sword of the Jedi (series) diasterisms
“What do you think?” Luke asks his nephew. “She has potential.”
“She bit me, Master,” is Ben’s stiff response. “Any opinion I give would be biased.”
Or: Everyone is connected, even if, sometimes, it's just by the skin of our teeth. Even in the midst of darkness, still, luminous beings are we.
Reign OptimisticBeth
Alternate Ending to "The Last Jedi." Rey accepts Kylo Ren’s offer in return for the lives of the retreating ships.
Political maneuvering is not Rey's forte. She must adjust to life as the First Order's first lady, making friends and enemies along the way and indulging in sweet awkward romance with her Ben.
Burgeoning Hope crossingwinter
#ShesPregnantAndHesDumbAndHasntLeftHisJobYet
miles from where you are mooncactus
After an argument over Star Wars fandom with a "gatekeeping, entitled monster" with the cryptic username of KyloRen, Rey finds herself stuck in a series of unavoidable video calls.
Prisoner orphan_account
Rey has been running all her life. She had known since she was a small girl that she was born with the powers that had been cursed and labeled evil by the galaxy. Running had worked for so long, that she was almost surprised when the bounty hunter Kylo Ren had caught her trail. But they might have more in common than they both originally thought.
Hand of Fate sweetestcondition
Rey is offered a choice at the end of Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. This time, she takes the hand of Kylo Ren, grasping at the chance to transform the First Order from the inside. She hopes to create a Resistance from within, starting with the heart of Ben Solo. | feat. KoR, Kezzik
keep me in your clouded mind hi_raeth
Flu season has claimed its latest victim: Rey’s roommate, Ben Solo. But it’s fine. She’ll get him dressed, bring him to the hospital, and everything will be okay. Things are totally under control.
Except for the part where Ben has completely lost his verbal filter and keeps babbling about his feelings for her.
Exile Ernzo
The war is over and the First Order has fallen. Ben has returned home to face his consequences.
A story of Rey and Ben finding peace in the aftermath of war as Ben accepts his punishment.
made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter disasterisms
The First Order does not exist, what is dead stays dead, and they grow up together at Luke's Jedi Academy.
Or: The one where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
(Then again, it's Ben and Rey, so maybe things hurt a little.)
A little ginger, a little honey Areah51
Rey is sick, and Ben shows up where he's not wanted, but in the end, we all need someone to take care of us when we're ill.
my wildest wind (come blow into my room) meritmut
“Would it have been so terrible?” he asks. “Staying?”
Could we have had this? she thinks, like she always does.
Non-consecutive ForceTime vignettes in the days, weeks and months after Crait.
Play to Win Enterprisingly
Ben Solo – aka KyloRen – is a professional gamer, playing the first-person-shooter StarKiller for the internationally ranked eSports team, The First Order. He’s made a name for himself as a ruthless competitor with a ferocious temper and top-notch skills that can’t be beat. That is, until a mystery player named ReyOfLight begins thoroughly trouncing him whenever they cross paths.
Unwell AquaWolfGirl
Jakku was cold, but nothing compared to Hoth. While staying at the old Rebel base, Rey catches a cold, and someone is a huge worry wart over the woman who denied his offer.
The One Where He Decides writing_reylo
He’s on the bridge and he’s alone.
The First Order are no more.
It only took him a year, carefully manipulating every weak mind he came across, emotionally manipulating the ones he couldn’t.
Embers sciosophia
All the myriad things he’d been—someone who made her laugh; the warmth on the other side of the bed; her best friend—those things, Rey had buried.
Rey left Ben two years, three months, and sixteen days ago. But who's counting?
Interstellar Transmissions LovelyThings, ricca_riot
Rey’s interrogation at the hands of Kylo Ren triggered an awakening in the Force, as well as an unwelcome bond that links them across the galaxy and grows stronger every day.
What Stays and What Fades Away astra_inclinant
Her feelings for Kylo Ren are quiet, not acknowledged, but deeply felt. She cannot make peace with them and send them from her mind.
Or, everyone is emotionally stunted and no one has healthy coping skills.
Our Heaven is Just Waiting FrostedFox
It's his turn to fall wounded before her, and her turn to decide where to go from there.
If only she could convince him to stay alive.
make it look just the way i planned TheJGatsby
Ben buys the painting on a brokenhearted impulse, and somehow it ends up being exactly the right choice.
(Based on the song Paint Me a Birmingham)
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The Murderess of the Grunewald (24): Secret Whitsun Holiday on Rügen (13): Sharing Joy and Suffering (6f) - Jamie’s Story (IV)
“Tür” by Pexels
Previously
Monday night, Whitsun weekend 2020, three days after Claire's release from prison
"And? Was the lady a 'rock solid Scot'?"
"Well, her ancestors, like our ancestors, fled through Sweden to Danzig after the Battle of Culloden and later moved westward. After World War I, they settled in Berlin. And later, just before the wall was built, they also fled to the western part of the city. There she was born and went to school."
"How do you know that?"
"Oh, Claire! Of course, Jenny had already learned all that, and of course, that was the topic at lunch the day I met her."
Jamie was silent for a moment.
"She studied ecotrophology and then met her husband Ronald at the annual meeting of a traditional Scottish History Association. Later, they opened a restaurant, which made good profits. He took care of the business and the bar, she took care of the kitchen and the guests. But the success made him careless. He got engaged, well, let's say it this way, with people in the wrong circles. Then he also started to drink and became violent to her and their son. Nevertheless, she stayed with him, probably because of the child. Ronald died in a fire when his restaurant burned down. It is not clear what caused the fire. But the police suspected that he had troubles with several people. Perhaps Russians, protection racketeering. It seems he had upset someone, very much - and someone literally lit the house over his head. On the evening of the fire, he was drunk and had gone to sleep in the back room of the restaurant. He died of smoke poisoning before the house collapsed on top of him. Luckily, she and the child were in the family home a few blocks away. Thank God, nothing happened to them.
“Bier” by viganhajdari
"Uh!"
Claire looked at Jamie in concern.
Both reached for their teacups at the same time. Was it genuine thirst or a gesture of embarrassment? Neither of them would have been able to give an exact answer. When Claire set her cup down again, she asked:
"And? Was the woman, now a widow, looking for a father for her child?"
"I can’t tell you," Jamie replied, still holding his cup in both hands.
"We didn’t talk about that at all. As far as I know, there was insurance for the fire damage and she was probably also paid the life insurance of her husband. She and her son seemed to be well provided for."
Still, he rotated his teacup back and forth in both hands. Claire knew he had a hard time talking about the matter, so she tried not to pressure Jamie. It took a few moments, then he put his cup on the coffee table. His breathing was heavy, it seemed as if he wanted to suck all the oxygen that surrounded him into his lungs. Then he clapped his hands over his face, took another deep breath and gave himself a jerk.
"It's so embarrassing, Claire! So embarrassing!"
Claire put her right arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly as if she felt the need to hold Jamie's body together.
"Actually, it was a nice day ... I arrived at the estate for half an hour before lunch ... The kids loved it, they had been looking forward to this day ... and, of course, to the presents, I brought with me ... When it was time for lunch, Jenny introduced me to this rock solid Scottish woman. Of course, I knew right away that this was once again one of Jenny's coupling attempts."
"Why ... why didn’t you leave immediately?"
"Oh, Claire," he replied, looking at her with eyes that begged for understanding.
"I was looking forward to this day. I was happy to see my nieces and nephews. I was happy to escape the hot and humid Berlin, which was suffering from the summer heat. For several weeks, I had represented a client in a case before the District Court, which was subject-specific but also emotionally very difficult. All I wanted was to be with my family, enjoy nature, drink some beer with Ian, have a good conversation, I just wanted to relax. Besides, I thought that Jenny had learned her lesson after her last misunderstanding ... after all, the whole thing had ended in court."
Again he clapped his hands over his face and breathed audibly in and out.
"Please do not believe that it was easy for me to separate myself from my family. I ... I love them ... everyone ... including my sister ... You can not ... dis-sibling yourself ... even ... if you sometimes would love to do that."
One more time he went silent for a moment. Claire could not see if he was just searching for the right words or if he needed time to gather his strength for the next step.
"No longer seeing my nieces and nephews ... to no longer seeing Jenny and Ian ... not going to Potsdam anymore ... where we spent so many happy years with my parents ... in the house, whose rooms are full of all the wonderful memories ... No, Claire ... even today it feels as if I had ripped out a part of my heart ... Potsdam, Claire, that was my home too!"
Claire's grip tightened on Jamie's shoulders. With her left hand, she pulled his face down to her and kissed him. Deep inside, his words had touched an area she had almost forgotten. Home.
“Saint Peter & Saint Paul, Wantage” * Picture by Andrew Mathewson via WikiMediaCommons
She too had had a home - once. The big house that lay on the unnamed branch of Loks Lane, just beyond the Ford River, amid old, tall trees. Whenever she had walked this way to their home, alone or together with her parents, she had felt like she was in a fairyland. Built from the large, gray stones that were characteristic of this region of the country, in her childish imagination it looked more like a medieval castle than the residential house her parents had inherited from Papa’s parents. Looking back, the phrase ‘My home is my castle’ meant more than words to her. From their home, it took only a few minutes to get to Betjeman Millennium Park. And from there one reached the Church of St. Peter & St. Paul in just some more minutes. The massive 13th-century building, with its bright interior and stained-glass windows, had impressed Claire since she'd first consciously noticed it. Her earliest memories went back to a Christmas celebration in this church. She could still see it right up to the present: the big lights left and right next to the altar, the adults seated in their pews. And she could see herself sitting on the floor in front of the pews, busy playing with some toys. The choir sang the wonderful hymn of Gustav Holst In the bleak midwinter, which she had never forgotten and which she should forever associate with that feeling of home.
Home, that was back then - back when her parents were still alive. But this home was lost. Like the memory of her parents, the memory of home was fading over the years. Today, Oxfordshire, Junction Loks Lane was just an address like any other.
The globetrotting life that she had led for so many years with her uncle Lambert had been exciting and interesting. But as much as her uncle loved her, Lambert Quentin Beauchamp could not really give her a home.
Then, years later, when she met Frank Randall, a certain hope sprang up in her heart: Together, they would start a family and create a home for themselves and their children. At last, she would get back what she had lost many years ago. And she had sworn herself, that she would do anything to make this new home for Frank and the children a place full of love, joy, and liveliness. They would be happy and enjoy life together. The joy she would see on her family's faces when they would be together in their home - this joy would give her the strength to do all the work that was required to run a large household. The love of her husband and the love of her children would compensate her for every sacrifice. She was convinced of that. But her hope had not been fulfilled. Worse, her hopes had turned exactly the opposite. Her dream had become a nightmare. Instead of living in a home filled with children's laughter, shared joy, and mutual love, she found herself in a cage. It was a golden cage, indeed. But it was tight and it cut her off from everything that makes a life worth living. And towards the end of her life with Frank, she had given up any hope that she would ever be happy again, that she would ever find a home. During the days she took pills to stay happy and awake and in the evenings she tried to fall asleep with the help of alcohol. Her life felt like a spiral that went only one way - down.
And when she was arrested the second time, her life seemed to have reached its endpoint. The only home she could expect until the end of her life was a 9-square-meter cell in a Berlin jail.
But then Jamie had entered the meeting room of the police department - and her life. And again there was a hope growing in her heart. But to this day, Claire had not allowed that hope to really take root in her heart. The fear of hoping for a home and then losing it before it had even become reality kept her firmly under control.
“Wohnzimmer” by JamesDeMers
Jamie stood up suddenly and his movement tore Claire from her thoughts. He took a few steps to the fireplace, propping his arms against the mantelpiece. Then, all of a sudden, he pushed himself away and turned around jerkily.
"He takes a warm-up."
The thought hit her hard, and inwardly she braced herself for the confession that would follow. His behavior had not escaped Bismarck. The dog had raised his head and was watching Jamie's movements attentively, while Adso was sleeping well-fed (and at peace with himself and the world) on one of the chairs at the dining table.
"The day went well and the party was nice. There were also some old friends from Jenny’s and my school days. After lunch, I joined some of them and avoided being alone with that woman. After coffee, Ian and I went for a ride with the older kids and after dinner, the whole company split up into groups. I joined Ian and the other men. They had made themselves comfortable in the garden with good cigars and old whiskey, while the women brought the children to bed and then sat together on the terrace with a glass of wine. Shortly after 10 pm I said goodbye and went to my room to sleep. I didn’t drink that much, but I didn’t want to drive that Sunday night. The next morning I had to be in Berlin. There were appointments scheduled with clients. So I said goodbye and everything seemed to be o.k."
Jamie had walked around the room without looking at her. Now he was back in front of the couch. Claire looked at him. Then she held out her right hand. He took it and she gently pulled him down.
"And what happened then?"
The words came softly out of her mouth, almost hesitantly. Claire herself was astonished when she heard them.
"I was in my room for maybe ten or fifteen minutes when there was a knock on the door. I thought it was Jenny - or Ian. So I called 'Come in!' And suddenly the rock-solid Scottish woman in her nightgown stood in front of my bed and started to undress! I told her to stop it. But she refused and said something about loneliness and that she was sorry for me. We could comfort each other in our loneliness."
Jamie shuddered, then fell silent for a moment.
"Can you imagine that?"
He took a deep breath, but only to relieve more of his anger.
“How should I call that? Mercy sex?!”
Claire was startled by the sudden volume he spoke with. It seemed as if he wanted to jump up every moment. The vein, that run from his hairline to the root of his nose and which only became visible when he was trying hard, thinking hard, or when he was angry (and the latter was probably the case right now), was noticeably swollen. But Claire held his hands tight.
"What did you do?" she asked in a whisper.
"I opened the door and asked her to leave. But she didn’t want to, she tried to argue. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her over the threshold. Then I closed the door and locked it. I started to dress and packed my travel bag. She stood in front of my door for a few minutes. Then she probably realized that I wouldn’t take her offer and she went to her room. Sometime later, I sneaked out of the room and down the stairs. In the hall, I met Jenny. She had gotten a glass of water from the kitchen ... "
“Eingang” by Tama66
Jamie paused. Claire held her breath.
"Jenny asked what I was doing with my travel bag in the hall and I told her that I would leave and never come back. She looked at me as if she did not know what had happened. She ... she played the ignorance in person! As if this woman had dared to come to my room if Jenny hadn’t encouraged her! I ... I was so angry, Claire! So angry!"
"I understand you, Jamie," she whispered.
Once again she put her arm around his shoulders.
"I dropped the bag to the ground, grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. It broke out of me like lava from Mount Etna. I shouted at her and told her that she had made a brothel out of our parents' house and that I would never forgive her for that. I took my bag and slammed the door behind me ... Then ... I drove to ... Kartzow Palace."
“Schloss Kartzow” by Axel Hindemith [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)] via WikiMediaCommons
Jamie took a deep breath and Claire began stroking his back reassuringly with her right hand.
"Katzow Palace was once a Prussian manor house. Today it is a hotel. The drive home would have taken only about 45 minutes, but I was so upset ... so upset ... I didn’t want to risk an accident. I knew that at Kartzow they have a 24-hour reception ... so ... I got a room and then stayed there."
He lowered his head and said nothing.
"And since then there's been silence between you and Jenny," Clair noted in a tone so calm she was once more surprised. Looking at Jamie now, she noticed that his eyes were filling with tears.
"Yes, since then I have not seen Jenny or the kids. Only with Ian do I meet every now and then when he's in Berlin for business. We stay in contact via email and he provides me with pictures of my nephews and nieces ... Oh, Claire! They've grown so much these four years, I don’t even know if they would recognize me at all ... "
Claire wished she could say something that would be a real comfort to Jamie right now. But everything she could think of seemed trivial, superficial, meaningless. She knew what it felt like to lose one's family. She knew what it felt to be torn away from home. And she knew that nothing could be a substitute for this singular place called home. Except maybe - a new home. Could she give him this new home? She didn’t know, and if she was honest, she had to admit that there was this little space in her heart that was hosting a big doubt.
They sat in silence for a while. Jamie had his head against her shoulder and Claire had begun to gently run her hands through his hair, massaging his head. When she looked at her watch, she saw that it was nearly one o'clock at night.
"Jamie?" she asked softly.
"Hmm?"
"I am very grateful that you have told me these things."
He looked at her and nodded.
"Let's go to bed now."
Once again he only nodded. Then they got up, extinguished the light and went up, followed by Bismarck and Adso.
That night, Claire was laying awake a long time. Jamie had fallen asleep relatively quickly and, as so often, lay on his back with hands folded over his chest. As she looked at Jamie's face, lit by the moonlight, she wondered if this man who had suffered so much did not deserve a better wife than the one she could ever be.
Thank you for reading. Next time, read: “The Murderess from the Grunewald (25): Secret Whitsun Holiday on Rügen (14): Sharing
Joy and Sorrow (6g) - Jamie’s Story (V)”
#Outlander#Outlander Fan Fiction#TheMuderessoftheGrunewald#Claire Beauchamp#Claire Randall#Claire Fraser#Jamie Fraser#Adso the cat#Bismarck the dachshund#Grunewald#Berlin#Island of Rügen#Germany#Crime AU#Modern AU#Jenny Murray#Ian Murray
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Beyond this Existence: New Life, short 16--Unlucky
Recovery is a tedious, nonlinear process. Demyx, Ienzo, and the others living in Radiant Garden's castle have to learn to come to terms with their pasts and their memories, learn to grow, and begin to understand what, exactly, it means to be human. While there is unexpected joy in this, there is also unexpected sorrow. A series of oneshots set after Beyond this Existence.
Current short: “Unlucky.” A routine case with a vengeful patient leaves Demyx with more than he bargained for.
Read it on FF.net/on AO3
---
It had been kind of a long day. Drizzly, but in a vague sort of way, as though the sky couldn’t make up its mind. Demyx only had one call left before shift change, and a last-minute one; a woman had badly cut her hand by the marketplace and needed help. It would be a quick fix, at least, before he could go home and collapse into bed.
The population around here was getting to be more dense, though it still paled in comparison to many of the cities he’d visited. A few people he’d healed greeted him. He still struggled to remember all their names.
The woman was waiting by her front door, her face ashen and drawn. She had a towel wrapped tightly around her hand, and it was soaked through in places. “Good, you’re here,” she said.
“Ouch, what’d you do?”
“Trying to do some slice and dice on some vegetables… and, well…” she shrugged. She was youngish, maybe thirty or so. Her apron had splotches of blood on it.
“It happens more than you think.” He smiled. “I can fix it. Why don’t you sit down?”
She sat on her stoop. He could barely see the inside of the small home, the onions and tomatoes sitting on a now-dirty cutting board. A bloody knife. A kettle had been put up, but was not yet boiling.
Demyx sat next to her. “How’s the pain?”
“It stings more than anything. The peppers, you know.” She bit her lip.
Before unwrapping it, he gave a quick scan of the wound, and cast a spell to coagulate the blood. He set the bloody towel aside. It was a clean cut, but one that probably would’ve had trouble healing on its own. He cleaned it quickly. She hadn’t even lost much blood, and it was shallow enough that it wouldn’t scar with a spell. He had it fixed in five minutes. The woman flexed her hand.
“You’re all set,” he said. “Just try to be careful next time, okay?”
“Oh, before you go. I was about to make some tea. Would you like some?”
Demyx hesitated. “That’s really nice of you, but I should let you get back to your dinner--”
“I insist.” She smiled widely, revealing straight, even teeth. “It’s the perfect kind of day for it.”
“Uh… sure. Thanks.”
She went back inside and came back a moment later with two mugs. “It’s a special blend. I made it myself.”
“Oh, are you a botanist?”
She laughed superficially. “You could say that.”
Demyx sipped at the tea. It was incredibly bitter, and he tried not to flinch. “The taste really is… unique.”
“Thanks. I thought so too.” She didn’t sip at her tea immediately.
“Are you new here? I haven’t seen you before.”
“I guess, in a sense. I just moved back in a few weeks ago. This was my sister’s house, but she… well.” The woman sighed. “She fell to darkness some years ago.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m getting along just fine on my own.”
He drank the tea probably too quickly, eager to get rid of the sour taste. “That’s good. I’ve noticed the people here are really friendly. You’re in good company.”
“I’m sure I am.” He wondered if he was imagining the dark undertone of her voice. She had been talking about her dead sister, after all. “We seem to be pretty welcoming to just about everyone.”
“Yeah… I really like it.” He tried to smile. “Thanks again for the refreshment. I’ll see you around.” Demyx realized he hadn’t even asked her name, but when he turned back to fix this, she had gone inside and shut the door. He brushed off the weirdness as a lack of social skills and started the long walk back.
It did seem much longer than usual. His calf muscles were getting tighter as he climbed the shallow incline, even though he usually took it a few times a day. Demyx attributed it to exhaustion, the weather. Once he was on the flat surface of the postern it didn’t fade, however, and in face the ache seemed to be creeping steadily upwards. He tried to think about what it might be. Potassium deficiency? Dehydration? He’d probably feel better with water and rest.
He kept making his way upstairs. The cramping was getting worse, more uncomfortable, almost painful now. Had he burnt out again? That had felt kind of similar. It would figure. Broken bones and pneumonia were high-cost heals, and he’d had a couple. He started to dig in his kit for an ether, found half of one, and had just brought the bottle to his mouth when a sharp pang in his chest made him double in two. The bottle fell to the ground and shattered, spilling the shiny green liquid all over the floor. “Shit.” He rubbed at the pain, trying to get it to ease enough to stand. A hot burning sensation replaced the pain, and his vision seemed to shimmer.
It wasn’t--no--
Demyx dug out his gummiphone and dialed Even.
His voice was sharp and snippy. “Boy, I’m in the middle of something. What do you want?”
“I think I’ve been poisoned.”
---
Demyx couldn’t make it as far as the lab. His muscles were too tight, and painful, and he sat propped against a wall waiting for help. He dug through his bag with shaking, achy fingers to see if he had any antidote, but he’d used his last on a kid who’d accidentally swallowed cleaning products. He had to wait and hope he could make it until help came.
At least it was fairly quick. “What on earth did you do to yourself?” Dilan asked sourly.
“Not me,” he hissed through his teeth. He could feel sweat coursing down his face.
“Can you walk at all?”
“Hurts too much.”
Dilan hefted him up like a baby. Being moved hurt worse than the stillness, and for a moment he thought he might faint. “You’re much lighter than you look.”
He tried to keep breathing. His head was swimming too much to try and figure out what had been done to him, and why. Even was smart. Even could handle it.
“So what is this? An accident? A cruel prank?”
“Don’t know.”
“We’re almost there.”
Time seemed to stretch, elongate…
“Demyx, try to stay awake.”
“Sorry.”
There were so many damn hallways in this place.
“Here. Set him over here.” Even’s voice, high and stressed.
“He’s been slipping in and out of consciousness.”
A sharp stab of cool fluid into his arm. Demyx’s eyes fluttered open. He could just barely feel the canvas of a cot under all the pain.
“There you are,” Even said. Another pinprick, this one in his hand. “How do you feel?”
“Hurts.”
“Where?”
“Everywhere.”
“I’m sorry, I’m hesitant to give you anything while we’re trying to get you to metabolize this nasty business. I’m going to take some blood, alright? Let’s see if I can’t figure out what this is. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep a steady antidote drip.”
“Okay.” The words would’ve meant more to him if he could focus. His muscles were stiff, tight, and burning. Demyx wasn’t sure to be glad or not he was conscious. He shivered, hard enough that Even had trouble getting blood. Even tucked a scratchy wool blanket around him.
"I should tell Ienzo."
"No," he hissed. "No, I'll do it after."
"You're very ill. You'll probably be very ill for the next few days."
The generic antidote was making him more lucid, but it also made him more aware of the pain, insidious and awful. "That bad?"
"I'm still doing research. But you're lucky you recognized it and got to me when you did."
Through a sort of haze Demyx watched Even at work at the nearby table, watching him pipette blood and examine it under a microscope.
Time was moving weirdly. It could've been ten minutes or two hours. The pain eased in the slightest. He was desperately tired, and desperately thirsty, despite the fluids he was taking. "Even?"
He looked up. "Yes?"
"Will I die if I go to sleep?"
He smiled sadly. "No, you're rebounding enough. Get some rest. You'll need it."
Demyx slipped in and out, never quite getting all the way asleep…
"It was quite alarming to see. I haven't yet gotten the story. I think you may be right, Dilan. Someone clearly has ire for us."
Demyx blinked. Something cold wormed under the skin of his hand. "What…"
Even patted his wrist. "A more specific antidote. Go back to sleep."
"What was it?"
Even frowned. He sat on an upturned crate next to the cot. "A type of neurotoxin that causes your cells to stop accepting water. Essentially, it would've been a very quick, very painful death from dehydration. Not to worry, I've made a serum which seems to be combatting it. Your vitals are already stabilizing."
Demyx considered the irony of this. "She must've known."
Even's eyebrows furrowed. "Who?'
"The person who did this." He tried to sit up, or at least prop himself up, but his muscles were horrifically sore. “About my old powers—”
"Don't move," Even said gently. "I figured you, of all people, would understand this part of palliative care."
The joke didn't phase him. "Why else would she use a poison to dry me out?"
"Who?"
"The woman, the one who--" Hot nausea brought tears to his eyes. "I'm going to throw up."
Dutifully, Even handed him a pail to be sick into. This dealt with, he tried to focus.
"She gave me tea. After I healed her. I thought the cut was too clean, that she acted weird--"
Even sighed. "You gave her the benefit of the doubt. As any competent physician would." He paused. "Do you remember where she lived? We should let the committee know. The last thing we need is another maniac on the loose."
Demyx swallowed the taste of bile. He told Even what he remembered, but this exhausted him into a stupor. Even gave him another dose of the real antidote. He drifted off and woke suddenly, disoriented, is his own bed. There was still an IV in his hand. His head was pounding in time with his heart, an insistent thud like a metronome, and his stomach was sour. The blackout curtains of the room had been drawn, leaving it blessedly dark and cool.
In the semidarkness, he did not quite realize that there were other people in the apartment with him. The lamp by the couch was on, and it was here Even and Ienzo sat, mumbling to one another too softly for him to make out. Demyx felt horrifically thirsty, and despite all the time that had passed and all the fluids he’d taken he still didn’t feel the need to use the bathroom. He wondered if the poison had done more damage to him than he’d thought, that it had fucked with his kidneys, and if he should say something.
One thing at a time. Worry about sitting up first.
A sharp, splitting pain in his ab muscles nearly made him gasp out loud, but he managed it at last, treading dizziness. His skin was tacky with dried sweat.
The muffled conversation abruptly stopped. Ienzo stood and all but ran over to him. “You scared a few years off my life. Easily,” he said. He pulled Demyx into a gentle embrace, and if he hadn’t been so dehydrated he probably would’ve cried. Demyx couldn’t help but lean into the comfort. Too soon, Ienzo broke away and touched his face. “How do you feel?”
“Oh, wonderful,” he said hoarsely. “I could run a marathon.”
A twitchy, anxious smile broke the tension in his brows. “Are you still symptomatic?”
“Well I feel like roadkill. Like a hangover times one thousand. But the worst of the pain seems to have stopped.”
“Good.”
Even gently steered Ienzo out of the way and took Demyx’s pulse. “Aerith appraised you when you were unconscious,” he told him. “You should be alright, more or less, so long as we keep your electrolytes up to snuff. The antidote seems to have worked before the poison caused lasting damage. I’ve made more, in case our little friend decides to strike again.”
“I’m still so thirsty.”
“I’m sure it must feel that way. You’re getting more than enough fluids.”
Ienzo turned towards the window, peeking through the curtain at the moonlit night. His arms were crossed and he clutched his elbow so tightly Demyx could see the knuckles were white. He wanted to console him, but considering his brain felt like it had been microwaved all he could focus on was how shitty he felt. “Can I change clothes?” Demyx asked Even. “Maybe take a bath? I feel gross.”
Even raised an eyebrow. “Do you feel up to it?” he asked. “You should really rest first.”
“I’ll feel better. There could still be vestiges of the poison in my sweat. Which I’m kind of covered in.”
“That’s a fair point. Ienzo?”
He jerked, as though startled.
Even squinted at him. “Could you help him? I’m sure he’d prefer you over me.”
“Yes. Of course,” he said stiffly.
Standing was treacherous, and he had to lean heavily against Ienzo. In the privacy of the bathroom he let Demyx undress, his back turned as if they didn’t see one another naked on a regular basis. Demyx hung the IV fluid on a rack normally devoted to towels and settled in the warm water. “Well, this is humiliating,” he said slowly.
Ienzo sat on the covered toilet. “I’m sure.”
“I feel like an invalid.”
“You’re very, very weak.” He sighed. “While you were resting, I studied that compound. Things could’ve been so much worse, Demyx.” His voice trembled in the slightest. “It could’ve caused irreparable, irreversible damage to your brain. You could’ve had memory loss, or been paralyzed-- why are you laughing?”
The deadly anger of his tone sobered what little humor Demyx had found. “I can deal with memory loss.”
Ienzo paled, his anger dissolving. “Yes… that was… tactless of me.” A pause. “You could’ve lost so much, aside from your life. Motor skills… the ability to speak…”
“Motor skills?” He looked at his wet palms, which trembled faintly. He hoped it was from anxiety and nothing deeper. Aerith would’ve said something, right? “You mean I couldn’t play Arpeggio?”
“Amongst other things.”
He’d been too sick to realize it. He could handle the thought of death, even being disabled, because there was nothing wrong with not being able to walk or talk. Whatever would have happened, he could handle and adjust. But losing Arpeggio? Again? He felt wetness in his eyes and tried to blink it back.
“This is probably traumatizing,” Ienzo said softly. He took Demyx’s hand.
“Probably? You think?”
“I hope this is an anomaly, a lone act of cruelty. The committee is opening an investigation. Once you’re well, they want to question you.” He slumped a bit, as though his body weighed too much. “I am… furious. Even if this is revenge against the apprentices, there was no reason for you to get caught in the crossfire.”
“Unless she knew about me being in the Organization.”
“That is… possible, yes. Even so. It would’ve made far more sense for her to target one of us.”
“I interact with people more. Maybe she was trying to send a message.” His stomach was feeling a little worse, and he settled more deeply into the tub.
“Perhaps,” he said. “I had hoped Dilan was wrong, about the townspeople harboring grudges against us. I was naive.”
“You were hopeful.”
Ienzo looked up. There were tears in his eyes.
“Maybe it’s got nothing to do with our pasts. Maybe she’s just crazy and wanted to hurt someone.”
“Maybe,” he said, though Demyx could tell he didn’t believe it. “Is it helping? The bath?”
“It feels good. I’m so sore.”
“You probably shouldn’t stay in too long. I’d feel much better if you were back in bed. I should probably change the sheets, in case you were right about it being in your sweat.” He stood. “I’ll do that now. If you need me, shout.”
Taking a bath wore him out. Once he had actually brushed his teeth and gotten dressed again, he fell asleep for an indeterminable length of time. When he woke up, he was still achy, still thirsty, but a little bit less so. He kept down tea and a bowl of rice, was able to get to the bathroom on his own. It was a small victory.
Aeleus visited him. After all this time they weren’t very close, but Demyx appreciated the gesture regardless. “I’ve made you some bone broth soup. It’ll help get your strength back.”
“Thanks. That’s really nice of you.”
He sat in the chair at the bedside. Ansem had taken Ienzo out for lunch, though he didn’t know that Demyx asked him to do this. Ienzo needed air, some time to decompress. “How do you feel?”
“Much better,” Demyx admitted. “I’m getting there. Slowly. I can’t wait to get this thing out of my hand.”
“You gave Ienzo quite a fright.”
“I think it hit him harder than it hit me, to be honest.” Demyx bit his lip. “To a degree I think he thinks it’s his fault. That the woman was really after one of you, that this was some sort of revenge. It’s probably triggering him. That’s why I wanted him to talk to Ansem.”
Aeleus nodded sagely. “You know him well.”
Demyx laughed a little. “Well--I hope so. He’s hard to figure out, but I’m getting better at it.”
“You’ve become very considerate. Compared to then.”
He scratched the back of his neck with his untethered hand. His hair was a mess, but he saw no point in making it look good today. “I’ve worked really hard on that. The way I… used to talk to the others, makes me… ugh, cringe.” He bit his lip. “You want to know something really horrible? When Demyx heard about you guys at CO getting killed, he was happy. As much as a Nobody could feel, anyway.”
Aeleus’s expression barely changed. “You had to develop a sense of empathy from scratch. I, too, hardened my heart. So to speak. It was the only way to get through.”
“I already asked Even and Dilan. But how did you end up with Ansem?”
Aeleus thought about this for a few minutes. “We can say it was… progress for progress’s sake,” he said slowly. “I was young, I was idealistic. I’d heard that Ansem was pushing the boundaries of what could be, and I… feeling somewhat stuck in a rut… craved that change.”
“Did you feel trapped in Radiant Garden?”
“I believe I did. To hear him speak of other worlds, of other cultures was… intoxicating. It changed absolutely everything. Now I try my best to not be jaded. This place… I hope to nurture it.”
Demyx understood. “I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.”
---
He slept again, deeply, and woke up disoriented a little after noon. He felt weird, and it took him a minute to process that he only felt that way because he wasn’t thirsty. Demyx waited for Even’s confirmation, but getting rid of the IV made him feel a million times better. He was able to at least rest on the couch now instead of in bed.
Aerith came by with Leon. She confirmed that the poison was gone from his system, but that he should still rest for another few days, at least until the fatigue dissipated. She made them tea and, exam and pleasantries over, they set to business.
Demyx told Leon everything he remembered, every detail to how she looked and acted, to how the tea tasted, where she lived. He’d told Even all this in a sort of fugue state. Giving the report made him feel vaguely nauseous.
“We’ve investigated the leads,” Leon said. “It’s so weird. When Yuffie went to that home, there was nobody there. There was no sign it was even inhabited. We’ve asked around, and nobody’s seen this person in days. We’re thinking she came over with one of the last Traverse Town flights. Without a name, and without records… she’ll be hard to catch.”
Demyx bit his lip. “I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”
Leon sighed. “Yeah, us too. And we’ve let everyone know--not that it was you, but that someone had been poisoned, and not to accept anything from strangers or what seems or tastes suspicious. The restaurant owners are all pissed at me, but I don’t do this to be liked.”
“Even has samples of my blood and the poison. If that helps.”
Aerith’s eyes brightened. “You know, it might,” she said. “Maybe if I can figure out where it came from, we can find out more about the person who did this.”
“I’d say you guys in particular need to be extra careful,” Leon said. “In case this was targeting you specifically.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Do you think it is? Has anyone ever, like, mentioned anything about us?”
Leon tapped his fingers against his notepad. “Not that I can recall. I sent Yuffie out to do some recon. She’s good with people. If there’s anything to be found, she’ll find it.”
“And at least we have and can make more of the antidote, should someone need it,” Aerith said. “It’s good you were able to recognize it for what it was.”
“I kind of have you to thank for that. That, and years of getting bitten by asshole Heartless.”
Leon smiled. “We’ll call you if we need more information. Though this brings up an important point. We need to know who lives here. What they’re doing here. Town is growing so fast. We’ve been so focused on the literal infrastructure that I nearly forgot there needs to be other infrastructure too.”
“Oh, bureaucracy.” He tried not to flinch.
“Sort of. We should start a basic census, at least.” He thought about this for a moment, tapping a pen against his chin. “Well, I hope you have a quick recovery.”
Aerith gave him a hug. “Be well.”
---
It took him about ten days before he was feeling normal. It definitely felt like he’d been really sick for a long time. He’d lost weight, and ended up having to buy a belt because nothing fit right anymore. He hoped to gain a few kilos and get back into shape. Demyx was sure if he tried to do magic right now it would wipe him out, or worse.
One of these days he and Ienzo took a walk into town to get some groceries. At first, a flutter of anxiety crept under his skin, because even though Leon said they kept his identity hidden in terms of the poisoning, he feared everyone would know. But they were treated more or less normally.
“I figured I’d use this time as an excuse to bake more,” Ienzo said. “If you need to gain weight, that’s a good way to do it.”
“I won’t say no.”
“I know you won’t. I do enjoy it.” He stood to Demyx’s left, so he has trouble reading Ienzo’s expression. He swore he heard some artificiality in it.
“Can you make macarons? The last time you did I swear I met god.”
“To be fair. We’d just smoked marijuana. That does affect taste. ...And any supposed divine revelation.”
“Even so.”
“That was a good night. We should do it again when you’re well.”
A blush crept into his cheeks. “Yes.” They hadn’t had sex in nearly two weeks; maybe if he wasn’t exhausted when they got home Ienzo might want to.
“Do you feel up to taking the long way home?”
“I think so. I’m not that tired yet.” The early morning air was fresh and cool, and he drank it in gratefully. Even with open windows, the air inside could only feel so clean. “I’ve missed being outside.”
“You’ve dealt with all this beautifully.”
“No point being weak and also miserable.”
“I suppose.”
Demyx looked back towards him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Why is it you ask?”
“I wanted to make sure.”
He sighed. “Admittedly, it did dredge up some negative memories,” he said. “You and I… have a complicated history of collapsing on one another.”
“We have the combined constitution of a wet tissue.”
He chuckled. “As well as luck that is both terrible and great.” A pause. Demyx let him take his time. “I know it’s not my fault, but I do feel… guilty. If this is a targeted attack, who knows what else might happen should someone with a grudge seek revenge?”
“I really hope it isn’t that.”
“I do too--” Ienzo’s head snapped up. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“I swear I saw someone--maybe I’m paranoid.”
“Might be a Heartless.”
“Are you strong enough to fight one?”
“Maybe a Shadow--probably not much more. Maybe we should turn back towards where there are more claymores.” A seed of dread started to grow in his stomach.
“Yes. I agree.”
They walked back along the blue stone that bordered the edge of town. Ienzo kept looking over his shoulder; Demyx couldn’t help but do the same. They heard rock scrabbling. “We’re definitely being followed by something,” Demyx said, as softly as he could.
“What should we do?”
“Try and act natural until we get somewhere safer.”
Ienzo squeezed his hand more tightly than he normally did. “I’ve got a pocket knife. But I don’t think that will be much use. And my magic is still very limited.”
“Well, we’ll see. Might want to dust off that strategizing part of your brain.”
There was a quiet thud behind them. Demyx turned, tense, ready to draw the Keyblade.
The figure wore a cloak. Not an Organization cloak, a regular, run-of-the-mill cloak. It was brown.
But Demyx, after years of recon, didn’t need to see a person’s face to recognize them. The height, shoulders, and general bearing were enough. He exhaled and put a hand on his hip. “What are you doing here?”
The figure, craving anonymity, said nothing.
Ienzo squinted, confused.
“You trying to finish the job, or what?” Demyx asked.
The figure flicked back their hood and scowled.
“For the record, poisoning a healer isn’t the best way to go. We tend to be pretty resilient. You should’ve just stabbed me.”
The woman’s face was flushed red with anger. “You weren’t supposed to survive.”
“Yeah, that’s how assassination works.”
Demyx turned back to Ienzo. He was frozen; he looked like he’d been struck. Demyx wondered briefly if he’d been hit by a Stop spell, but he was still blinking, and his hands were shaking. More obvious than anything, though, was the flicker of recognition in his eyes.
“Little Ienzo,” she said coolly. “Though--not so small now, are you?”
Demyx tried to think. “Who--” he began, but the woman cut him off.
“Go on, tell him,” she said.
He shuddered, then said, “One of the test subjects. One of the victims. She and her sister.”
“But she’s human,” Demyx said. The conversation he’d had with her previously clicked. “Or--”
“Not all of the people who were exploited fell to darkness. In the--the early days.” He steeled himself. “Regardless of how you feel. Take out your anger on me, not on those around me.”
“I think you were the most disturbing one,” the woman continued. “Of all the scientists. What did they do to you, to get you to act the way they did? And why are you reopening old wounds?”
“I want to help people heal from what I did. The darkness hurt me too.”
She took a step forward. Demyx tried to shove Ienzo behind him instinctively. “Not everybody wants to forgive and forget,” she said.
“More people do than don’t,” Demyx cut in. “And how is trying to kill us solving anything?”
To his surprise, he felt Ienzo taking shelter behind him; he was confused for just a second before he felt Ienzo pressing the gummiphone into his back.
The woman scowled. “He’s got you under his spell too, I see.”
Demyx rolled his eyes. “Honestly, if you want to manipulate me, you’re going to have to be a lot more clever than that.”
Ienzo pressed his palm once again against Demyx’s back. The message was clear; stall.
“What did you think any of this would achieve?” Demyx asked. His heart was hammering, but he tried to maintain a sculpted look of boredom. “So you kill me. What would your next move have been? Infiltrating the castle? Trying to off us one by one? And then what? Regardless, you’d get caught. We work with the committee. They’d notice if we were gone.”
She seemed thrown by this. Behind the bravado, he noticed something like pain.
He sighed. “Look. I get it. I do. I know how it feels to be violated, and then to be so angry, so desperate, so hurt you’ll do anything to make it better. But you don’t have to do it this way. If you want, we can… I can help you.”
She clenched her fists. “You’d help the person who tried to kill you?”
“Yeah. Honor code, right?” he held up his hand, and then wondered if this was overkill.
For a moment she said and did nothing, her expression blank. Her hands opened, relaxed. He breathed a small sigh of relief. Someone would be here soon.
With a flash, almost faster than he could really perceive, he saw the knife, but before he could duck or draw the Keyblade Ienzo threw him down and caught the knife right against his shoulder. In the space of about two seconds, Demyx smashed the hilt of the Keyblade against her temple, and she crumpled to the ground, unconscious. He turned back to Ienzo. “Why the fuck would you do that?” Demyx hissed. “Lay down.”
He was breathing heavily, a fine film of sweat all along his face. “Feels mostly like she hit bone,” Ienzo said through his teeth.
“That’s for me to decide.” He ripped off his sweatshirt and packed it around the wound.
“Don’t do magic. Help is coming.”
“Let me at least check to see if it hit an artery.” The bleeding wasn’t visibly too much, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. It could all be internal.
“You’ll hurt yourself--”
“Shut up. You just got fucking stabbed.” He tried to find the energy for a spell. It didn’t seem to want to come. He pulled hard, pulled deep within himself, and immediately felt his body start to protest. He gagged.
“Demyx--”
“No. I’ve got this.”
“Demyx, I’m fine. Really.”
He applied pressure to Ienzo’s wound. He texted Aerith, in case she wasn’t already on the way. “You still with me?”
“I don’t even feel dizzy.”
“Don’t lie.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “If you die I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“I’m not going to die.” The way he was breathing seemed to betray that. “I’m not finished with you yet.” His eyes rolled a little bit.
“Ienzo.”
“Still here.”
“Don’t shut your eyes.” He had to try again. Demyx pulled harder, tried to find the magic. Blackness swam over him for a minute.
He heard their footsteps before things could get bleaker. He wasn’t sure if it was from trying to use power, or from panic, but things seemed off, his ears ringing. Aerith crouched to heal the wound, Leon crouched to accost the woman. A small, dusty smelling hand patted his cheek. “Come on, kiddo,” said the voice. Yuffie’s face barely slid into focus.
“I’m five years older than you,” he mumbled, and fainted.
He came to about fifteen seconds later when she tipped an ether into his mouth. He drank it all down, flinching at the oily taste. He turned to Ienzo and Aerith--he was pale, his eyes closed--and a strangled sound caught in his throat.
“He’s alive,” Aerith assured him quickly. “He’s alive. He’s asleep. He’s going to be fine.”
“Oh fuck,” he said to the ground. “Fucking--”
“What a day, huh,” Yuffie said dryly.
---
“I do believe Aerith’s instructions were that both of us were to rest. I also believe I don’t need any more pillows. Nor do I need them fluffed.”
Demyx took a step back. Other than being a little pale, Ienzo seemed completely back to himself.
“You’re doing it again,” he said drolly, and took another drink of the blood replacement potion.
“Doing what?”
“Taking care of me instead of yourself. Come to bed. Lie with me.”
Demyx did so.
Ienzo slid his shirt down his shoulder. “See? I don’t even have a scar. So before you exert yourself wittering over me--”
“You took a fucking knife for me.”
He put a finger over his lips. “Which was a calculated risk I knew probably wouldn’t kill me. In the moment, I admit, I was more concerned about your wellbeing than mine--”
“Probably?”
“Demyx. Breathe.”
He tried to listen.
“I’ve seen too many people die this way.”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry.” Ienzo pulled him close.
He cried for a long time.
“I know you want to protect me,” Ienzo continued. “I think it would be easier, and more productive, if we agreed to protect each other instead. Can you agree to that?” He brushed a tear from Demyx’s eye.
“Yes.”
#beyond this existence#demyx#ienzo#zemyx#even#aerith#beyond this existence: new life#idk how this chapter turned out to be 5000 words
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Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites
One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.
This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.
#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228
Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.
It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.
My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.
#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf
Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224
Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.
When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.
They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.
My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it.
#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429
It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.
My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart.
#4. Séjour by @silveredsound
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288
It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.
“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.
«≠»
Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.
My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.
#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)
He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.
My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.
#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169
It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.
It’s far too fucking early for this.
My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!
#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148
Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”
“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”
Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.
My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.
#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743
A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.
My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.
#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel / renlyne
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481
It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.
My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.
#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688
Things are finally coming together for Nick.
Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.
My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.
Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.
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three words - iv
word count: 4,748
genre: fluff, angst
All you saw every time you close your eyes was blood and the broken pieces of glass scattered along the road. The blurry vision of your brother’s twitching hand seemed much more like a dream as you tried to blink your eyes every now and then to keep yourself awake. Trying to move your head to see him was something you couldn’t do, since every inch of your body was aching and felt heavy to move. You were also aware of the bloody taste in her mouth when you were about to say something, it only made you choke.
Everything hurt so badly and you wondered how bad your brother might feel too. Other than the twitching of his fingers, you could only hear his whimpers, the crushing of glass, and the siren sound of ambulance or police—you weren’t sure—that seemed so far away. As another second passed, it seemed like the blood had seemed to disperse to the whole car.
Shutting your eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath—although it hurt so bad—you felt like someone had gotten a hold of your body and pull you out from the wreckage. The wind washed over your body as you felt your body was placed on something solid and you were so overwhelmed—there were faces you didn’t recognized, many voices overlapping one another, somebody flashing a light over your eyes, and somehow you felt like someone had torn your shirt—but despite all of that, the only thing that could run through your mind was your brother, if your brother had also gotten the same help too.
Everything happened too fast and was in a blur for you. Drifting in and out of consciousness and feeling so helpless in the ambulance, you wanted to ask everyone, someone about your brother, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t with the tube placed in your mouth and the cables they’re putting on your body. You had zero energy to do anything and you wished that someone could read your mind and give you answer about your brother. It was so suffocating.
The first familiar face you could make out was your assigned doctor in the ER. You couldn’t remember his name, but remembering his face was enough in this situation. It was enough to let a tiny bit of relief to wash over you and the tears roll down to your cheeks. Everything was overwhelming, hectic, and hurt, and you wished it was all just dream. But the aches that you felt all over your body and the blood in your hands felt much too real for you.
“Hey, hey, I got you,” the doctor spoke, before giving orders left and right to other nurses that crowded around you. You could vaguely hear him telling you to remain calm and that he would help you as he checked you and treated your injuries. His words fell on deaf ears, though, and you couldn’t even do anything when the light above your head seemed to look smaller and blurrier every time you blinked, until all you could see was black.
Waking up on a very sunny Sunday morning had its ups and downs. One of the ups was if you had planned to do laundry, the clothes would dry in a pretty short amount of time, and one of the downs would be you would be too lazy to move out of the bed and go out because it was too hot outside. You couldn’t imagine having to commute and walking under that sun, especially when you had things to do.
Too bad whether you liked it or not, you still had to roll out of the bed and prepare your day, no matter how comfy it was and how good it’d be to stay in bed or just stay in your apartment where the air con was on full blast.
“Where are you going?” Looking back over your shoulder, Baekhyun grabbed a hold of your hand, holding you back from leaving the warmth of his bed. Even without his hold on your hand, you already found it hard to leave his bed, especially when he’s looking at you with sleepy eyes and a slight pout on his face like that. All you wanted was to lie in bed with him until you’re both forced to leave because of hunger, but as much as you wanted that, you couldn’t.
“I have things to do, Baek,” you reply him in a small voice, not wanting to ruin the silence in the room. It wasn’t necessarily a lie, though. You really did have things to do for the day—laundry, lunch with Somin and Sehun, and also visiting your brother. So, yeah, you actually did have things to do other than dealing with him.
“What things?” he pressed, whining a little bit at you. “Just stay here for five more minutes.” The longer you stared at him, the more you contemplated, and the harder his pout worked on you.
“Fine,” you breathed out. Well, you supposed you could lay down for five more minutes.
As usual, it was quiet for a moment between the two of you. This was how mornings usually went by between the two of you. Baekhyun didn’t say much when he was just awoken, so it was always nice to enjoy a few minutes of silence with him before you had to put up with constant chattering and singing around the house.
Baekhyun rolled over, scooting closer to you and draping his arm casually on top of your stomach. You could feel his eyes on you as you laid on your back with one hand on your stomach and the other on your side, staring at the ceiling and trying your hardest to turn your head and look back on him. It was painfully hard, since all you wanted was to be lost in his eyes, and you didn’t know how long he did that until he leaned closer to you, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck and inhaling your scent deeply.
It was too quiet and you felt like the air around you both had shifted, so you blurted the first thing you could think of. “I’m visiting my brother later.” You felt Baekhyun pulling away from your neck and moving back to his previous position. “It’s his death anniversary today,” you spoke in small words, still not quite believing that it had been three years since his death, since you met Baekhyun and broke down in your hospital ward with him by your side while your family took care of the funeral.
“Do you want me to drive you?” This time you turned your head to face him. Baekhyun was already looking at you with his sleepy eyes, his soft hair covering most of his forehead, and your hands were itchy, wanting to push his hair back and press a kiss on his forehead. But you couldn’t.
“Don’t you have an afternoon shift today?” You questioned and he drifted his gaze away from you, moving his hand to take yours in his and stroking the back of your hand softly.
“Well, I do,” he murmured, “but we can go now if you like? I could shower in only five minutes—”
“You can’t,” you muttered under your breath with a chuckle.
“—and we could get food later from a drive-thru. So, McDonald’s? It’s been a long time—”
“Baekhyun, it’s okay,” you cut him from sputtering off more nonsense. He frowned and shook his head faintly at you. “No, seriously. I have lunch with my friends later, so I’ll just go with them. It’s fine.”
“But it’s always been—”
“Look, you’re not my boyfriend, so you don’t have to beat yourself up about it, okay?” You really didn’t mean to snap the words at him, but you just kind of did. Baekhyun was taken aback by your words and you could see how his lips were slightly turned down and the creases on his forehead became more prominent as he frowned. “We’re just friends, we’re not obligated to do everything together. You’re not obligated to accompany me to these things.”
The way he rolled his eyes and scoffed at your words made you feel like you just got stung by your own words. He pulled his hand back from yours, leaving your hand feel cold without his touch. “This isn’t just these things. It’s your brother’s death anniversary and I told you before that I’d come with you every time you visit him, right?” His voice raised a little bit and the corner of his lips tugged up a little bit in a bitter smile. Giving you one last look, he rolled off the bed and walked towards his dresser.
“Well, yeah, but you have a shift this afternoon, and I have lunch with Somin and Sehun, so it’s not like we can do something about it. I can go with them, and you can go by yourself, and we’ll just see each other tonight at home,” you explained to his back, sitting up on his bed as he opened his dresser and grabbed the first shirt he could see—it was light blue stripes shirt, the one you bought him on impulse when you went on a trip to Osaka with your sister last year.
“I just meant that it would be nice to go together, you know,” he spoke, this time his voice had a little edge and chilling to it, you were uneasy that he would say something that broke you even more. “God knows you always need my moral support. You know you can’t function well without me when it comes to this kind of situation.” Baekhyun had said a lot of shit in the past—you knew that—but this one hurt.
You felt like your heart had stopped beating for a second when the words came out of his mouth. The way those words slithered out of his mouth in the chilling tone—the one that he used when he was mad—made you feel incredibly attacked. His words hurt you, it felt like he just jabbed you straight in the heart with it, even though you knew he probably didn’t mean it; that he did it to get back at you. The gears in your brain had started to work hard trying to come up with something, but Baekhyun beat you to it. “I thought us going together is a tradition, but apparently not.” You watched as he turned around, holding the shirt in his hand, and looked at you without a hint of emotion that you could read across on his face. “Just go ahead and drink with them too while you’re at it.”
Raising your eyebrows at his challenge, the corner of your lips tugged to the side, forming a smirk. “Okay, then. Don’t wait up for me tonight.” He didn’t say anything as he watched you roll out of his bed and walk out of his room, leaving him still standing by his dresser. You could feel your heart pounding strongly against your rib cage that you had to give yourself a second to shut your eyes and take a few deep breaths, your hands gripping the edge of the counter in the kitchen.
It was too late to realize, but you noticed that you were channeling the fury inside of you into gripping the edge of the counter as tightly as you could until your grip turned white. The quietness inside the apartment didn’t help your already over-thinking brain and over-sensitive heart that made you want to say hurtful things to Baekhyun too. But your train of thought was disturbed by the sound of the slamming door that came from Baekhyun’s room—the sound that you knew all too well. The sound somehow made you think if this time things would only get worse with Baekhyun.
Lunch with Somin and Sehun proved to be a disaster.
Well, Somin and Sehun were quite a combination to begin with, but you didn’t expect that you would be spending the whole lunch talking about the blind date Somin went to on last Friday night. Of course, it was expected from Somin to gossip this much, but what you didn’t expect was when she told you that the man from her blind date was Park Chanyeol. You actually choked on your smoked salmon when she told you that. Sehun, being as sweet as always, handed you your drink and patted your back softly, helping you calm down from your coughing fit.
“Oh my gosh,” Somin breathed out a beat too late, her eyes wide staring at you trying to calm down from your coughing fit. “I didn’t know he’s your ex. I’m sorry!” Taking another gulp of your drink and placing the glass down on the table, you shook your head faintly and waved your hand dismissively at her.
“It’s okay, really,” you reassured her once you had finally calmed down. “Don’t think too much about it, though. It’s in the past.”
“I’m really sorry. I swear I really didn’t know he’s your ex.” You could just smile as you watched Somin looking plain worried and apologetic.
“Of course you didn’t know, I’ve never talked to you about it.” From beside you Sehun was watching with pure interest. Ever the youngest, he always thrived for gossip like that. He might not seem like it—like Jongin—but he did. “We dated briefly during college and it didn’t work out.” You shrugged like it was no big deal.
“So, he was the one you dated before Baekhyun?” Sehun quipped from beside you, causing Somin to turn and look at him with widened eyes while you looked at him with squinted eyes. Although you were grateful that he managed to change the subject, you questioned yourself why he had to mention Baekhyun. “Oh, you didn’t know either?” Sehun feigned innocence. This kid, I swear to God, you thought to yourself as you took another sip of your drink.
The hustle bustle of the crowded restaurant wasn’t enough to silence out your overworked brain, and Somin’s question about Baekhyun.”Ahh, is this the man who sent you the flowers? On your first day back? So the flowers was from your boyfriend?”
The way Somin stared at you expectantly and Sehun with a mischievous glint in his eyes, you couldn’t lie. “Yes, the flowers were from him, and no, he is not my boyfriend.” Somin didn’t look like she believed your words, judging from the way she wiggled her eyebrows at you.
“Yeah, right, then who gave you those hickeys on your neck?” Your hand impulsively went to that one spot on your neck, the one that you were sure you had covered up before you left earlier. Seeing this, the two laughed at you while you were busy unlocking your phone and checking your reflection using the camera app on your find, only to find out that the marks weren’t visible at all.
“You two are going to be the death of me, I swear.” Hearing this, Somin and Sehun just high-fived each other and laughed at the horrified look across your face. You could only shake your head in disbelief at them, not quite believing that you just went straight into their trap.
The three of you resumed your lunch in good mood. After previously receiving the ‘okay’ from you about seeing Chanyeol, Somin continued to ask you about how Chanyeol was when in college. Although it still felt a bit weird in your part, you only told her the good things, which she naturally appreciated. Only meeting Chanyeol twice so far, it was clear to see that Somin was smitten with him. Also from the way she talked about it, it seemed like he had changed for the better.
The whole thing with Somin dating Chanyeol—the guy who messed your heart up pretty badly in the past was actually pretty weird. You didn’t think when it ended between you and Chanyeol, he would somehow wriggled his way into your life one way or another, let alone that he would be associated with someone you’re close with. Despite how weird the situation was, you could only wish that this time Chanyeol didn’t break Somin like he did to you in the past, hoping that this time he really changed for good.
“Should we get going now?” Sehun asked once you all had finished your food, hinting about going to visit your brother. When you arrived at the restaurant earlier, you had asked him to drive you to the crematorium. Honestly, you thought he would decline or even ask questions—because you knew how Sehun could be sometimes—but much to your surprise, he willingly agreed without you having to make a deal for anything—although you had told him beforehand that you would gladly buy him dinner later.
I thought us going together is a tradition, but apparently not, kept ringing in your ears as Sehun drove the whole way—and dropped Somin home along the way. You hated to admit it, but you had to admit that it was weird. This would be the first time you visiting your brother by yourself. It really was a tradition visiting your brother with Baekhyun. In the past few times, you didn’t even go with your sister or your mother. Going with your family brought an unnecessary amount of burden to you, since you had to pretend that you weren’t still a little bit pissed at them for leaving you alone in the hospital that day, for making you to deal with all the pain by yourself without any support from them. While you could somehow understand why they did what they did, they still didn’t even bother. They didn’t come and visit you in your hospital ward for a few days while they were busy handling all the funeral, all you got was a brief phone call in those few days, and you couldn’t even say what you wanted to say to them. All you wanted was just an hour or a few with them—so you could talk and mourn together—but you got nothing. Even when they finally came to see you, they didn’t even want to talk about it, they acted like the past few days didn’t happen. The way they completely disregarded your feelings made you feel completely worthless, like you really didn’t mean anything to them.
Even when you thought about it these days, you could still feel your heart ache and a significant amount of anger flickered inside of you because of that. Truly, you felt like you wouldn’t have managed to get through it if Baekhyun wasn’t around that time. Although your brother and he weren’t even close in the past, he could sympathize with you. He could spare a few hours of his time to make sure that you were okay, and he was actually willing to help you mourn. He actually went out of his way to hold you and urge you to let it all out, not to bottle it up for yourself. Despite the fact that you had only seen him a couple of time before—and you couldn’t even remember if you had talked to him that much in the past—he was there to help you when your family got a bit too busy with the funeral and disregarded you because of it. Baekhyun had really helped you a lot, and the impact that he had on you from that time sometimes made you think if you were able to cope with it if he wasn’t around.
That’s why it was weird. It was so fucking weird to visit your brother and not have Baekhyun with you. It felt weird because this time you didn’t have a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold as you stood in front of him. It felt sorrowful because this time, he wasn’t there to hold you to his chest when you got overwhelmed that you couldn’t help but cry again. You kind of wanted to blame yourself for what happened this morning, about how the conversation turned out, and suddenly you thought of ways it could turn in a good way, only if you weren’t so agitated with him and he wasn’t so quick into trying to bite back at you. If only both of you were a little calm, it wouldn’t turn out this way. But you realized that those kind-of conversations would happen sooner or later, and no matter what, you still had to deal with it.
The sudden realization of having to face situation alone made you stay for such a short time. It wasn’t even for more than fifteen minutes, and that was the shortest time you had ever spent there. You could feel the stare of other people who happened to be in the same room as you made your way hurriedly out of the room. The air felt suffocating around you, and the sound of your shoes against the floor was the only thing you could focus on as you walked towards the exit door. It got a little better when you could finally breathe in the fresh air.
“You’re done already? That was fast,” Sehun commented when you got back to the car. He was scrolling through something in his phone and when he saw you getting in the car, he put his phone aside and started the car.
“No reason to stay for a long time,” you explained shortly as you buckled up. You could feel your hands become sweaty as you curled and uncurled your fist, even trying to wipe the sweat on your jeans.
“Do you usually go alone?”
“No, usually I go with Baekhyun.” His name tasted unusually bitter on your lips, like what happened the previous night and this morning had something to do with it. “But we can’t today, for some reasons.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Sehun was naturally a curious person—you found that out long ago when he started as an intern in the company and you were his assigned mentor—and it was one of the good traits of him, but only if it’s in the office. While you could be a little mean and ignore his question, you couldn’t. Not when he already drove you to the outskirts of the town to do something that didn’t even take more than fifteen minutes.
“What paradise?” You tried to appear nonchalant, like that question didn’t spark a little bit of annoyance in you, but guessing from the side eye he gave as he drove, you knew he wasn’t buying it. So, you tried to change the subject. “Let’s have dinner first. My treat.”
He chuckled and turned his head for a second to glance at you, raising his eyebrows and scoffing in disbelief. “Why are you suddenly generous?”
You couldn’t help but smack his arm, which he replied with a groan. “If you don’t want to, you can just say so.”
“I’m not that crazy to turn that down.” You chuckled.
“Should we have samgyeopsal from the restaurant near the office?” You suggested, thankful that Sehun took the bait and didn’t make further comments about Baekhyun. You were blessed with the fact that it was easy to distract him with a mention of food. Only if this method could apply to everyone, though.
“Noona, I think you should slow down a little bit.” If you counted, that was the fifth time Sehun said that in the past two hours. If you thought about it, it was nice of him to keep reminding you as you took another shot of soju. And if you were a bit sober, you would actually listen to him and slow down.
“Pfft. Why should I?” You poured the soju into your glass once again, but before it was full, Sehun snatched the bottle out of your hand. Letting out a whine at him, you ran your hand across your face and propped your elbow on the table, leaning your head against it and trying your best to flash a pout and blink your eyes innocently at him.
“You’ve been drinking nonstop. Slow down a little,” Sehun reminded you once again as he placed the soju bottle down near his glass. Having to drive you home later, he had only been drinking cola and ice tea—being the responsible adult he was, unlike you.
“Why should I?” You repeated, straightening up in your seat and trying to reach for the soju bottle once again, but to no avail because he moved the bottle before you could reach for it. “Baekhyun never tells me to stop. Be like Baekhyun.”
“Then why don’t you drink with Baekhyun?”
Hearing his question, your mood instantly deflated. “I want to, but we got in a fight this morning.” This time, you leaned forward across the table and snatched the bottle successfully from his hand. With a drunken smile across your face, you poured the remaining soju into your glass until the last drop and took a few sips of it. “He is annoying. Really, really annoying. But I also really, really like him. Why do I like him so much? He doesn’t even like me, he only wants to sleep with me. Sehun, don’t be like Baekhyun, okay?”
“I’m just going to be Sehun, okay? How’s that sound?” You nodded.
“Good. Sehun is good.” With a determined smile, you took another piece of meat from the grill and dipped it into the sauce before placing it into your mouth. You hummed delightfully at the taste. Meat and soju were really the best combination, and the best thing you could ever have. It could come to the first on your list, if you weren’t getting good orgasms every now and then.
“Noona, your phone’s ringing again. Why don’t you answer it?” He nodded at your vibrating phone on the table. You noticed it had been going for about an hour now, getting text messages you didn’t bother to read and phone calls that you didn’t even want to answer. Especially when you saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the phone screen. Why couldn’t he just take the hint already?
“No, I don’t want to talk to Baekhyun,” you answered stubbornly as you took another piece of meat and put it into your mouth, munching it away happily and humming at the taste.
“Fine, I’ll answer it, then.” Your eyes widened at his words, but before you could reach for your phone, he got to your phone first. Another stomp of your foot and another whine out of your mouth, you leaned across the table and tried to take the phone away from him, but he already swiped on the screen and pressed the phone onto his ear.
“Nooo, give it back.” Sehun said a few ‘hello’s to the phone as you tried to get a hold of his hand, but to no avail because he kept leaning away from you and grabbed a hold of your grabby hands. “Hunie, nooo.”
“Okay, that’s enough for tonight. Let’s go home,” he spoke as he ended the call and placed your phone back on the table. You shook your head at his words. No, you couldn’t go home just yet. The night was still young, and you hadn’t drunken much alcohol. Four bottles were definitely not enough, you still needed to get two more.
“No, I still need to drink two more bottles,” you complained, shaking your head at him.
He sighed, looking around the restaurant as if he was trying to call for help. “I think four bottles are enough.”
“But I usually drink more on a day like this!” Sehun flinched at your slightly raised voice, and you could smile sheepishly. “How about one more?” He placed his chopsticks down and stared at you, which you used the moment to jut your lower lip out into an exaggerated pout and bat your eyelashes until he cracked.
“Fine,” he breathed out in defeat and you brightened up, clapping to yourself for a successful attempt. “One more and we’re leaving, okay?” You nodded happily, not paying him attention as you drank the remaining alcohol in your glass, not even caring because as long as you got your fix of alcohol, it would be enough.
#exo fanfic#exo scenario#exo fluff#exo angst#exo au#three words#exo fan fiction#exo x reader#baekhyun fanfic#baekhyun scenario#baekhyun fluff#baekhyun angst#baekhyun au#baekhyun x reader#baekhyun fan fiction#now that i finally allow messages from anon again PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS#WE'RE ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH THE STORY YEAYYYY
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Weak Moments: Three
"You did what?" Olivia asked. She stood up, her hands going to her hair.
"Alright Roslyn, I just really need you to tell me everything that you remember about how you got away okay, everything you can," Sonny said, putting his hand on my knee to steal my attention away from Liv. I looked at him, his eyes so blue like the ocean I was always drowning in. I just nodded feverishly, moving my knee from his grasp, he put his hand back onto his own lap.
"It was this morning, he finally let me out of the basement. I was in there for days, no food, no water. It was a prison in there, Liv. I tried so hard to leave but I couldn't, but this morning he let me upstairs. I was cleaning when he wouldn't stop yelling at me, he just kept saying how I was never good enough to be Molly, that I would never be her. He said he needed a new Molly, a better one. I was at the fireplace when he grabbed my hair. He grabbed it so hard he pulled some of my hair out," I touched the bloodied patch in the back of my head. I watched as Sonny grimaced and Olivia brought her hand to cover her mouth, eyes flooded with tears.
"I was so tired Liv, I didn't want him to beat me again." I cried. "But he did, he wouldn't stop Liv, he kept hitting me over and over and over again, left me on the floor when he was done." I paused, afraid of Olivia's reaction to my next words, the confession to my own crime.
"Then I-I just grabbed the fire stick and hit him with it, over and over again, until he was on the floor, he-he didn't say anything Liv. When he fell I grabbed his keys and ran, I locked the door and got in his car, the smelly one. God, I hate that smell so much." I cried, itching away at my skin, it was like the smell followed me everywhere, the smell of dampness and medicine.
"I took his phone and looked you up, how to find you at your work, I just- I needed you Olivia, he would have killed me." I yelped, reaching off the bed for her, needles ripping out of my skin, the blood flowing free from my arms as I wrapped then around Liv. I winced at the feeling but ignored it because the only thing I wanted or needed, to feel was safe around Olivia, like no one could ever hurt me again.
"Ross please, you'll hurt yourself." She claimed, walking us back towards the bed, Sonny's head was already peaked out the door looking for a nurse. Someone came in, watching me wearily before reattaching me to the IV, putting a bandage on its old place on my arm. We all sat quietly for a moment, taking the time to process all my words, Liv and I content with just staring at each other. It was only quiet for a few minutes when someone slams the door open, an older angry man staring Olivia down.
"Olivia, I need you out of there right now." He huffed, his face red and breathing hard.
"No, wait she can't leave, stop I need her," I yelled, my hands grabbing at her arm, pulling her to me. "You can't take her, stop please don't take her," I screamed, my heart rate erratic at this point, the noise on the monitor tightening together. The pace my heart was going made it hard to concentrate, I could feel my muscles tensing up, afraid I'd be left alone again. My face felt hot.
"Ross, Ross? Hey, we need a doctor in here!" She yelled, I laid back, my body stiff as my heart continued to beat rapidly in my chest, it all felt so constricted. My face was hot and I couldn't catch my breath, the fear of someone taking Olivia away from me crippling me completely, I couldn't take my eyes off hers as nurses pushed everyone out the door. Tears were streaming out of my eyes, down the sides of my face as I laid back, into my ears.
This was all worse, a bright light was shoved into my face, a breathing mask over my mouth and nose. I cried hard now, letting everything out, I coughed up my emotions, barely breathing through the mask. That's when I felt the pinprick of the needle jabbing in my arm, it was all hazy again, the monitors quieting down while I could feel my muscles relax for the most part.
My eyelids were so heavy, I fought the tiredness off as much as I could, turning my head to see out the window, except this times the shades were drawn and I could only see the barely there reflection of myself on the bed. I looked a mess. I just looked back up, my eyes hooded and barely open, my body entirely limp now. I let the sleep overcome me, almost welcoming the peace and quiet this sleep would bring.
*
"I need you to call me when she wakes up, I'll let Liv know." I recognized the voice as Amanda. "She's benched on this but Finn and I are going to check out the house and CSU are on the car at the station, collecting everything right now." She told him. I kept my eyes shut while they talked, letting everything go on without me as I had done to Mathew on multiple occasions. I could always feel him standing in the doorway while I was 'sleeping', waiting for him to finally close the door and leave me be before I let sleep consume me.
I was in and out for the most part of the next few hours. My eyelids felt like they weighed a ton by the time I felt well and energized enough to actually wake up. My body still felt tight and tense when I tried to pull myself up, forcing my eyes open, squinting at the bright light that the window let in, an unfamiliar view of outside.
"Ah you're up, can I get you anything, Roslyn? Water, juice, pop, something to eat?" Sonny asked, his tone quiet and sincere, he helped me sit up by propping a pillow behind me and hitting the remote on the bed to pull it into a sitting position. I looked at him questioningly, I was so unaccustomed to this, having this genuine man offer me whatever I wanted.
"Water please, "I answered, my throat raw and aching, I paused to rub at my throat, instead, feeling the dried dirt and blood that stained me. I watched as Sonny went to the small sink in the corner of the room. I looked around before realizing this wasn't the same room I had originally been submitted to. This one was nicer, bigger, and even homier. Sonny laid the cup on the table next to me and sat back down, watching intently as I sipped on it.
"Ross," I whispered.
"Hm?" He asked, not quite sure what I was getting at.
"You can call me Ross," I said, still not looking at him. My ears turning red and my face glinting pink with a light breeze of blush. My hair felt horrendous as did the rest of my body, dirty and grimy.
"I need a shower, please Sonny, I haven't had one for days," I asked. I knew that I smelled, that I must also look disgusting. He nodded sympathy in his eyes again. He put up a finger to me and got up to leave the room.
"Wait, where are you going?" I yelped, not ready to be alone in this room.
"Ross, it's okay, I'm just calling Liv, maybe she can bring you some things." He said, shaking his hands, he sat back down slowly. "I'll call her here ok?" He asked, hoping I was calmer.
"Please don't leave, I don't want to be alone!" I sobbed. He nodded, quickly complying, he got his phone out and started dialing.
"Hey Liv, I was just calling to say that Ross is up and awake, she wants a showering so I was just wondering if you could bring anything here for her." He questioned, looking away from me while on the phone. I couldn't hear whatever she was saying but in a second he looked back up to me.
"Oh, alright I understand, I'll ask Amanda if she has anything, alright thanks bye." He nodded to himself.
"Is she coming?" I asked, interested in being with Olivia again.
"She can't right now. She has to talk to some people about you and then maybe she can, but I'm going to call Amanda and ask if she can bring anything over for you." I nodded, looking away at him and toward the window. I was disappointed and you could surely see it on my face.
Minutes passed before someone knocked on the door, me huffing slightly when it was only Amanda coming in, she held a bag in her right hand and closed the door with her left one.
"I didn't really know what size you wore so I just got you these, and Liv said these were your favorite." She claimed, removing the contents of the bag onto the bed. A pair of grey fleece sweatpants with a matching sweatshirt, a red t-shirt, some underwear, a pair of soft fuzzy socks, and finally soap. It smelled of vanilla, indeed it was my favorite. It was even the same brand she bought me when I was younger, the same shampoo and conditioner too, a loofa and a razor. I nodded, thanking her quietly. It was an awkward moment of silence before Amanda spoke again, to Carisi this time.
"I can trade you shifts if you need to leave-"
"No!" I cut her off. "Please stay, "I begged.
"It's fine Amanda," Sonny told her, she looked at me skeptically and walked away and out the door, leaving Sonny and me in comfortable silence.
"Can I shower now?" I asked him, touching softly at the clothes in front of me.
"I'll ask the nurses real quick, I'll just be right out the door ok." He told me, walking to the door, barely popping his head out.
"Excuse me ma'am, I have a victim in here needing a shower, is it ok if she takes one?" He asked quietly, his accent was nice, like a melody to my ears.
"Well her chart her does say she still hasn't taken a rape kit, could we do a one over at her really quick before a shower, do you think?" She asked, poking her head past him to look at me, giving me a sweet smile. He gave her a 'one second' look before turning and walking back towards me.
"Alright so I'll make a deal with you alright Ross, you let this doctor look at you for a few seconds alright and I'll get you that shower, and some food to alright." I thought over his offer. I hadn't eaten in what felt like days and the IV hadn't done much to help with anything. There wasn't anything that could hurt me by complying, and I knew how much the testing meant to Liv.
I nodded sheepishly, the nurse came in with some instruments, sitting on a stool next to me, pulling the curtain around us, between Sonny and I. I closed my eyes and let her do all the things she had wanted, taking all the photos of me, I cried silently when she inserted things inside me. It hurt just a bit and I yelped at the sharp stinging but it was all over after that. She smiled sweetly at me before grabbing her things and pulling the curtain back, leaving the room.
"Shower?" I questioned.
"Shower." He nodded back at me.
#dominik carisi#sonny carisi#olivia benson#amanda rollins#law and order svu#svu fanfiction#long reads#love#triggers
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Wanted - Justin X Catherine
SO
I’ve always wanted to do a little fanfiction with Justin and my character Catherine, soooo
Here it is? I did it following the sso lore but with an old west setting? Yeah idk tell me what you think and lmk if you want a part 2?
Hot, sticky blood coated her hand like syrup on a waffle. Catherine held her side tightly, her clammy hand doings its best to apply pressure to gunshot wound. She groaned, spurring her horse on. Her horse galloped obediently beneath her, but to where, neither of them knew. No on was around to help them. The only person within miles had shot her just before she could shoot them dead. Still, they ran.
Catherine could feel sweat on her brow, her vision growing blurry, black spots seeping in and taking over. Her feet and hands were numb and her grip on her side was weak. She could hardly feel her horse beneath her slow down as she slipped right out of the saddle, falling onto the hard earth beneath her with a thud. Catherine rolled onto her back, letting her arms rest at her sides. She no longer felt the pain the bullet had given her initially, now all she felt was something like floating, as if she wasn’t laying in the dust, her own blood pooling beneath her. It felt more like she was on a cloud, soaring away from the world she knew.
-
Her eyelids felt stiff as they peered open ever so slightly, but all she could see was bright white light. Her face was warm, she could now feel sunlight on it. Catherine tried to open her eyes again, squinting against the bright sunlight. Looking around, she could make out some basic shapes. She was in a bed, in a big room with baby blue walls. The door was shut, and a few paintings decorated the wall across from the bed. Next to her, she could see a nightstand with a glass of water on it. Her lips were so dry. Slowly, she reached for it, wrapping her hand around the glass and lifting it toward herself before it slipped from her grasp and fell to the floor with a crash.
The sharp sound hurt her ears and she flinched, sitting up ever so slightly. The door swung open, slamming against the wall loudly. Catherine jumped, looking at who was charging in so quickly. She reached for her gun which should be on the holster on her hip but found nothing but cotton nightgown.
“Your awake!” A deep voice exclaimed. Looking up, she met eyes with the stranger.
No stranger at all.
“Justin? Justin Moorland?” She croaked out, her own voice sounding alien to her. He rushed to her bedside, kneeling in the broken glass and grabbing the edge of the bed.
“Its me, in the flesh.” He replied, smiling at her with those ever so big brown eyes. He didn’t look any different from the last time she saw him yet everything else was changed.
“What are you doing here? Where am I?” Her voice trembled ever so slightly. She had always been her weakest around him.
“I came all the way from silver glade to find you. I followed tips, the only thing I didn’t count on was finding you laying out in the middle of nowhere, I thought you were dead. The doctors say you should be dead. They say they’ve never seen someone lose so much blood and still pull through.” He explained, his words spilling over each other. “I brought you here to Fir-fall. It’s a small village, I don’t think they know who you are here.”
“I was shot?” She returned, her memories flooding back to her. Avalon. He had followed her. He wouldn’t let her go. When he drew his gun she drew her own and though he fired first, his shaking hand gave away a killing shot and got her in the abdomen instead while hers landed between his eyes.
“Yes, -“ Justin started. “And my horse?” Catherine interrupted
“She is fine. She wouldn’t let me near you at first but I think she let up after she recognized me. I brought her here too, she is being stabled not far away.” Justin explained, pointing out the window to a distant building with a corral next to it.
“Alright, go get her saddled. Ive got to get out of here.” Catherine said, sitting up and wincing.
Justin placed his hand on the small of her back, holding her up. “They said you shouldn’t leave yet, its too early.” He pleaded.
“You know just as well as I do that the law will find me. I can’t stay.” They’re eyes met, both filled with an unspoken sadness, yet acceptance.
“Alright.” Justin stood and walked out of the room for a moment, coming back with a basket that had her clothes in it. “They actually got most of the blood off of your shirt.” He said with a bitter, almost angry voice and shutting the door hard behind him.
She sighed as she sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She groaned, reaching the floor and standing, though she leaned heavily on the bed. Lifting the hem of the cotton nightgown over her head, she pulled it off slowly revealing her pale freckled skin. The bandage across her abdomen was fresh, and she wondered who had been so diligently looking after her wound. Reaching into the basket she pulled out of pale pink floral shirt and pulled it on, buttoning it slowly with her stiff fingers. Putting her pants on, well they were Justin’s, was another story. One leg at a time, she told herself, slowing pulling them up and onto her waist. As she fed the belt through the loops she counted to three before tightening it and buckling it into place. She bit her lip hard, wincing as it pressed directly on the wound. She sat on the bed to pull her leather boots on, tucking her pants into them. Last but not least, she placed her hat on her white blonde hair.
Walking to the mirror on the left side of the room, her steps were slow and careful, afraid of losing her balance. Finally, she peered at her own reflection. Her skin was pale and she had bags under her eyes. One of them was faintly purple and yellow, bruised. She licked her lips and ruffled her hair before sitting on the bed to wait for Justin. After a few minutes, a gentle knock at the door alerted her to him and she walked over, opening it up.
Together they walked, Catherine leaning on Justin for support, in silence out of the house and toward the quaint stables where Oatmeal stood tied, waiting patiently. At the sight of her owner, the dark bay mare nickered.
“Hi Oaty!” Catherine said in a high pitched voice. Pushing herself off of Justin and toward the mare. She gently wrapped her arms around the horse who smelled her intently. “I missed you too.”
After a few moments, Justin cleared his throat to remind her he was still there. She turned to look at him, the brim of her hat shading her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly, looking up at the taller boy. No, he was a man now. He had been for the last five years that they hadn’t seen each other.
“Me too.” He said, his voice low.
Though it hurt, Catherine rose onto her tip toes and planted a gentle kiss on his lips, her own lingering for a second, her breath warm on his face.
After a second she turned away, grabbing her saddle horn and putting a foot in the stirrup and groaning as she pulled herself up. With one more glance, she nodded at him and turned her horse around, trotting down the road, and away from where she really wanted to be.
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Red Sand
A/N: And . . . another one. Really couldn’t get this idea out of my head. [SPOILERS if you’ve not finished the show!]
Enjoy.
Summary: Alyssa sneaks into the hospital where James is being held following his capture. [T for language ] [Word Count: 2,621] [Alyssa’s POV]
I look the police officer over carefully from where I sit, watching his heavy eyelids droop over his evil eyes. He shouldn’t be too hard to fool. He looks like quite an idiot.
Nurses and doctors pass by on a continual loop, each of them shooting nervous glances at the doorway behind the drowsy PC. I want to tell them all to fuck off. I want to shout it really, really loudly. Scream it until I can’t speak anymore. Until there’s blood coming out of my mouth. But I stop myself. Making a scene won’t do me any good. No one can know I am here. Mum thinks I’m tucked underneath my duvet like some fucking caterpillar waiting to become a butterfly.
They’re scared of him. They’re all terrified he’s going to escape his restraints and slaughter them as if he is a psychotic serial killer.
Pussies. Each and every one of them.
None of them know who he is. They don’t know what really happened that night. They think they do because of the shitty news coverage, but the media is full of liars and money-loving fakes. And a story about an unhinged boy on a crime spree sneaking into a rapist’s house intending to murder said rapist sells better than the truth. That James only killed him to protect me.
He’s a hero. He deserves a medal, not shackles. Not a bullet hole in his left arm.
I heard on the BBC they had to give him blood transfusions because of how much of his own supply he lost on the beach. Because the bullet that hit him snagged an artery on its way out.
It’s been nearly a week, and I’ve unintentionally blocked that day from my memories, but I remember that bit. I hear that final gunshot as I sit staring at the sleeping officer and I see James go down as if it’s happening all over again. He sprawls on the ground, arms and legs at strange angles. I’m still screeching his name, but he isn’t moving. And there’s red. It’s everywhere, spilling over the wet sand . . .
I close my eyes before I lose my shit in the middle of the hospital. I breathe in a shaky breath, clutching the seat of the uncomfortable chair I am occupying near James’ room. The scratchy vinyl feels gross, but the cracks in the material scrape my palms and the pain is somehow soothing.
I think I've always needed a little bit of pain to get me through the day. It's why I put up with Tony for so long. Why I let my mum talk down to me like I was the most massive disappointment. Of course, I'm suffering a lot more than I'm used to at the moment. General teenage angst seems to have not prepared me for a situation like this. A situation that involves the boy you love being shot and then shackled to a hospital bed.
I am so lost right now.
But I know if I could see him, just for a second, that everything would fall back into place. I won't be so lost when I get past that snoozing guard.
I open my eyes and get to my feet. It's time for some fucking action. I pinch my cheeks, slouch my shoulders, and push my bottom lip out. Satisfied that I look like someone in need of some help, I approach the policeman.
I poke him hard on the arm. He jerks awake, and for a moment I just want to slap him. Bring him to the ground and beat the shit out of him. But I manage to hold myself back.
The man's bulging eyes look me up and down. His face softens.
It is this moment I am outrageously glad my parents’ genes mixed in just the right way to make me look like a fucking twelve-year-old.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asks in that voice my mum uses when she's talking to the twins.
Ugh. The desire to punch him comes over me again. He's even more fucking disgusting than I thought.
“Some—someone stole my bag." I sniffle, watching the geezer before me take on a hardened look of determination. "It had a present for my mum in it."
"Okay, darling. Which way did he go?" He reaches out for my hand, but I quickly use that one to point behind me.
No way do I want this old creep touching me.
"That way. I think I saw him going down the stairs. He's probably not even here anymore." I put my face in my hands and pretend to cry. I make ugly noises for added effect.
Maybe I should be a fucking actor when I grow up. Do they let criminals on TV?
"Don't cry," he says. "Don't cry. Look. I can't leave this spot, but I can ask a nurse to take you down to the security desk and they can help find your bag. Okay?"
Not okay. So not okay.
I remove my hands, frowning. "I need to find it now! My mum is dying of fucking cancer and you can't be a decent enough policeman to help me get back the present I bought for her with literally all of my fucking money? What if she dies in the time it takes for me to go down and start explaining this shit show to someone else?"
Gotcha.
The officer's face is wide. His mouth hangs open. His saucepan eyes swerve around the room, making sure no one is watching us.
"Okay," he says in an angry, hushed tone. "Okay, I'll see what I can do. What did the man look like?"
He stands up, straightening the weapons belt around his hips.
"Tall. Dark eyes, brown hair. Wearing a dark grey sweater with blue jeans and black snazzy shoes. Tan. Probably forty or so," I say. It’s Tony’s description. Maybe he’ll be walking down the street when the PC comes along.
Turning as the policeman does, my back is now to the door.
I can practically feel James.
My heart thumps wildly in anticipation. It hurts. I can't breathe.
"Alright." He motions to the seat at the back of my knees. "Stay here. Make sure no one goes inside."
"Why?" I ask as he starts walking away. "What's behind the door?"
"A monster," he says.
That's it. If I see him again, I'm definitely punching him.
I nod in agreement to his request, staring after him as he disappears round a corner.
This is it. I turn towards the room and shove the chair out of the way, moving close enough to the door that I can smell the wood. I reach for the handle. It’s cold, but unlocked. Twisting slowly, my eyes darting left and right, praying to the countless number of deities I’ve heard of throughout my whole life that I won’t get caught, I hear a click and the door falls inward. I go with it, pressed to the wood, and sneak inside the room.
I actually gasp. Like a fucking cartoon or something. The door closes softly behind me. I look around the room. There are wires and machines everywhere. Beeping noises collapse against my eardrums.
A heartbeat. James’ heartbeat.
And there he is. Right in front of me, asleep, looking sickly and pale and like he hasn’t properly showered in a few days. His arm is in a sling. He is connected to a saline drip through an IV via his uninjured arm. He is cuffed, too. To the side of the bed. There is a metal handcuff around his thin wrist.
God, I am so fucked off. I want to go at the restraint with a chainsaw.
Looking at him makes me want to cry. It always has. Ever since we first met. But right now, I really want to cry. More badly than I have ever wanted to before.
But I shouldn’t. I can’t. I need to be strong for him.
Swallowing the giant cricket ball forming in my oesophagus, I creep on my tiptoes towards the giant hospital bed. He looks even worse close up. There’s a dark shadow over the bottom half of his face. Deep purple bags lie underneath his closed eyes.
I’m too far gone. I can’t stop the tears. They crawl down my cheeks, slip past my chin, and land on the grey-blue blanket covering James’ body. One, as I move my head to get a better look at his face, drips over his eyelids.
He comes awake. The beeping grows quicker. I swear my lungs have stopped working. Reaching out, I place my hand over his mouth as his eyes snap open. His jaw parts. Hidden behind my palm, I feel his heavy breaths bathe my skin.
“Shh,” I warn, breathless. “I’m not supposed to be here. We don’t have much time.”
He shakes his head and I lift my hand. “You need to leave,” he says. It comes out all croaky and dry. He’s broken.
It makes me so angry. If he had just let me come with him, none of this shit would be happening.
If only I hadn’t been silly enough to believe my dad was a decent fucking human being, we would be in Switzerland by now, hiding in a bakery or skiing down some snow-capped mountain.
“I’m staying,” I say defiantly. He can’t tell me what to do.
He starts to sit up, but the effort exhausts him and he quickly lies back down. His brilliant eyes—the most beautiful things I’ve literally ever seen—gaze up at me. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
To be honest, I don’t want to see him like this. But I hold off on telling him that. “I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care that you’re handcuffed. James,” I say, the tears forming again. I reach for his chained hand. His fingers are sweaty, but he holds onto me regardless, entwining our fingers. I could collapse in a heap of despair like those women in the 19th century used to. “What’s gonna happen to you?”
“I’m not sure,” he says.
The words come out thin and brittle. I think there’s a cricket ball in his throat too. With my spare hand, I grab the cup of water by his bed and slowly, like he’s a baby, I tip the cup towards his mouth. He swallows a couple of gulps and coughs away any excess dryness. He mutters a thanks and I return the cup to its original spot.
“They’re keeping me here until my arm heals a bit more,” he says. “And then I’ll be moved to a jail to await trial. Then I’ll be prosecuted.”
He says it with such indifference that I find myself wanting to take him by the shoulders and shake him viciously.
“How can you be okay with this?” I ask, my face hot and wet. My lips tremble. My forehead hurts from frowning. “None of this is okay. None at all. It’s a giant mess—a total miscarriage of justice.”
I’ve been watching a lot of that American TV show Law and Order while under house arrest.
The longer I stare frustratedly at James half-lying down on his hospital bed, the blurrier he gets. But I blink rapidly, clearing my vision, when his face bunches. He's crying too. Not as much as me, but there's a small tear trolling down his scruffy face. Instinct compels me to wipe it away. I scrape at it with my thumb and hold my hand against his warm cheek. He presses into me, nostrils billowing like a curtain caught by the wind.
Okay. So, he isn't okay with this.
"I'm sorry," I say, rubbing the tear back into his skin. "I know you're just trying to be brave."
"I just," he says, "want to be with you."
My heart is going to explode. Is it possible for words to kill you?
"And I know that when they put me away, I'm not going to be able to be with you anymore," he continues, the words vibrating. "I don't want that to happen."
Fuck. Neither do I.
"I'll come see you," I promise. "And when you get out, we can be together again." My knees are starting to buckle under all the pressure. I hold tight to James. "Maybe we can get married . . . and then I'd get those conjugal visit things."
It's a joke. Mum would sooner disown me and throw me in the streets than allow me to marry a convicted felon.
But it does make James laugh. And that makes me smile. And some of that pressure lifts away.
"You would visit me?" he asks, and I sense the genuine worry.
"Yes. Fuck, I'd be in there with you if I could." If you'd let me. “Can I lie down?”
“What?”
“In the bed with you,” I say. “Just for a minute.” The guard’ll be on his way back soon. I’ll need to set off before then. But I need to lie with him. To feel his body against mine one last time before he’s taken away from me.
“I don’t know how easy it will be.” James looks to his shackled wrist and then to his bullet-hole-ridden arm.
I start climbing in, kicking my sandals off and bunching up the yellow sundress Mum got me when I was released from hospital the day James got captured. I wore it so she would let me out of the house. How long does she think it takes to pick up chocolate from the Co-op?
James can’t move a lot, but he slides over to make room for me. Lying on my side, pressing my hand flat against his chest, I rest my head on his shoulder. We sigh together. A sound of true contentment.
As much as he can, James holds me. His shackled fingers bend and move over the skin of my neck. I shiver into his hospital gown. For someone who looks so horrible, he smells just the same as always. Like lavender soap. I breathe him in, forcing myself to memorise the scent.
“You changed your hair,” he notes, fiddling with the short strands that just barely reach my neck.
“Mum took me to the salon immediately,” I say. Guess she wasn’t all that fucking pleased about the blond. “The woman made it too dark. I don’t like it.”
“Well, I do,” James says.
I smile into his neck.
I shouldn’t be happy at all. Things are about to get a whole lot worse for the both of us. But he’s touching me and I’m touching him, and everything just feels . . . right. I know it’ll be gone the instant I leave this room, but I will revel in it for the few minutes I have.
“You shouldn’t have come,” James says.
I lift myself up. Our faces are only a few centimetres apart. His breaths wash over my face. “Why?” I ask, confused and hurt.
James continues stroking every piece of available skin. “Now that you’re here, I don’t want you to leave.”
Oh.
“I don’t want to leave,” I tell him.
“But you have to.”
“But I have to,” I agree. “But not yet. In a minute.”
I have to kiss him. I have to remember the feel of his mouth on mine.
Lowering my face the tiniest bit, I close my eyes and affix my lips to his. He can’t properly embrace me, and I can’t move too much for fear of further injuring him, but he is soft against me and that’s all that matters.
I was wrong before. Now everything is right. The seas have calmed. The earth has stopped turning. And it’s James and me against the world.
#the end of the f***ing world#the end of the fucking world#teotfw#james x alyssa#james#alyssa#alyssa's pov#my writing#thanks for reading guys#fanfiction
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The Right Path (Part 2)
Prompt: (From request) Hi! I was wondering, would you it be okay to request a Charles Xavier x telepath!reader? Where they have a mind link since their ability first showed up and so they already know each other even before theyve actually met and then he finds her when he first uses Cerebo and he and Erik go to her first?? Its an idea ive had for a while, but im not nearly an amazing writer like you!
Word Count: 1410
Warning: language (maybe??), child abuse, mental and physical abuse, depression…
Note: I LOVED this request. Thank you for sending it in. I am so sorry it took so long to write. I hope I did it justice dear. Plus, thank you for the super sweet note ; ) Beta’d by none other than @like-a-bag-of-potatoes
Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaeling
James McAvoy: @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester
Charles Xavier: @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester
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“What else can I say to her?” Charles asked as he and Raven sat over a hot breakfast.
“Who?” Raven questioned as she bit into pancakes.
“The girl...in my dreams. Or...the girl whose dream I enter,” he corrected, a bit of a frown coming to his handsome face.
“Oh, her? You’re still doing that?” she asked with a raise of her eyebrow. “I thought you’d be past this by now.”
“Yes, Raven, I am still doing that,” he remarked, a touch of anger in his voice. “She’s a telepath like me, I’m sure of it. She must be a strong one because I can sense her from wherever she’s at, even when she’s unconscious, just think what she’s capable of when she’s awake,” he commented, more to himself than to her. He was in awe of you but other than your face in the dreams, he couldn’t get anything else from you. He was only able to hold up signs because he was awake in your dreams, manipulating himself and what he could do, but you still seemed bound by your dreaming mind.
“Why don’t you just give her your number?” she asked with an eyeroll.
“You know you’re not exactly delicate,” Charles said, his face pinching into annoyance as his eyes slid over to his adoptive sister.
“And you’re in a bad mood because your dream-girlfriend isn’t talking to you,” she retorted as she lifted her coffee mug with a smug look and left the breakfast table.
He contemplated all week on a way to communicate more with you. Questions weren’t going to work because you couldn’t answer him, but he didn’t want to blather endlessly on signs in your dreams. You might think he was crazy, or you might not care who he was or what he wanted. He also couldn’t say he was a telepath or ask if you were, because if you weren’t, that was probably going to alarm you more than anything.
He couldn’t get past your dreams so far, probably because you were sleeping, and your mind had taken the wheel as far as where and what it was accessing so he couldn’t get a name, address, family name, last name, pet name, state you lived in, school you attended if any...He was at a loss. How could he get to know you more? He wanted to get to know you more than anything. He was utterly obsessed with you now that you visited him during the night.
Finally, he decided if he couldn’t get to know more about you, other than your eccentric dreams, he would have you get to know him.
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Three more years passed. The dreams and Charles still appeared off and on, periodically. As soon as you graduated high school, your parents kicked you out of the house. At first, you had no idea how to deal out in the real world. First and foremost you needed a place to stay, and with no friends and family that would take you in, you sought refuge at the church. You only spent a few months there before you were granted a full ride scholarship based on your exemplary marks to a decent college and you clawed at the chance like it was your last ounce of air.
Now you were twenty-one, over halfway through your academic career. You still weren’t sure what you wanted to do, not entirely. Your ability to read minds seemed to make it difficult. You didn’t want any sort of job that would have anyone looking down their nose at you. Perhaps you could get into a scientific field, and only work with esteemed colleagues.
Charles was twenty four, in graduate school now. You knew this because he periodically updated you on his life. He told you when it was his birthday and gave you the age. He told you when he was accepted to graduate school and what he was studying. Psychology. It was fitting. You had a feeling he had the same power you had, but perhaps he could only communicate with those who were dreaming.
He was perfectly charming, or so he seemed. All you could go off of were his face, his body, and signs he held up in your dreams. But even if he had the personality of a potato, his face alone would probably make you walk on broken glass for him. You learned he had a sister, her name was Raven. You learned he was doing well in graduate school, in fact he was about to graduate. With a smiling face and a simple sign, he told you the date. Somehow, you wanted to give him a graduation present. Absurd though, considering you technically didn’t know this man and he didn’t know you. But still, you were bonded, shared a mind-link going on four years now. That must mean something, right? It wasn’t a coincidence?
He lived in New York, not the City. He lived in a quieter town up north. Quite a change of pace from you in your South Carolina home. You wanted to meet him, to hear his voice, to actually touch him, but alas you didn’t have a car. All you had was a lousy job as a waitress at a diner up the street to help pay for things the scholarship didn’t cover, there was no way you could afford a car or even a bus ticket there. Besides, what would you do once you found him? If you found him.
“Oh hi, you visit me in my dreams so I thought we could chat in person,” you thought sarcastically.
You wished you could talk with Charles. Find out all about his abilities. If he was able to control it. If he really is just confined to dreams or if he could hear anyone’s thoughts like you. You had a million questions for a complete stranger, but at least, after everyone, he seemed to be the only one who still wanted to be around you.
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“Okay, so, uh, the electrodes connect Charles to the transmitter on the roof. When he picks up a... mutant, his brain sends a signal through a relay, and then coordinates of their location are printed out here,” Hank McCoy, the young genius in the room, explained to Charles as he was getting ready to put Cerebro’s helmet on his head. Erik was circling him, amused, as Raven watched on with curiosity and impressiveness.
“What an adorable lab rat you make, Charles,” Erik mused with a coy grin.
“Don't spoil this for me, Erik.”
“Oh. I've been a lab rat. I know one when I see one,” Erik commented.
Hank fussed over some more mechanics and dials before rushing back to Charles to check the device. “Are you sure we can’t shave your head?”
Charles calmly warned, “Don’t touch my hair.”
“Okay. It's working,” Hank informed triumphantly.
Charles could touch every mutant’s mind on the planet. Every one of them. And while he wanted to help them all, reach out to all of them, show them they’re not alone, he had one particular mutant in mind - you.
After four years of a mindlink, he finally had a chance to meet you. To find you. To help you. Hear your voice. He knew nothing about you, and yet, he felt like you two were the greatest of friends. He hoped that you wanted to be his friend too, perhaps his ever constant presence in your dream has been a nuisance and you wanted nothing to do with him, but he had to check. He had to see if you wanted to meet. Surely you were at least curious.
He concentrated hard and you were the first one he saw. In his mind’s eye he saw you in your true form for the first time, not in the dreamy, blurry, hazy world that was your sleeping mind. You were sensational. Simply stunning. He saw you sitting at a small desk, your face buried in textbooks. He marveled at the sight of you, nearly giddy with happiness as he saw the coordinates to you were printing out.
Now, he literally had a map to you and after all these years of yearning to meet you, to actually know the first thing about you. He could barely contain his excitement. So he and Erik set out, together, to find all the mutants on the eastern coast that they could for their mission.
#the right path#Charles Xavier#charles xavier fic#charles xavier x reader#erik lensherr#erik lensherr fic
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ASK MEE RIDICULOUSLY PERSONAL THINGSSSSSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEEEEE i love this shit
thanks for the ask anon, at this point im sure yall already know everything about me but hey whats a couple more questions c:
1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?
YIKES tough right off the bat huh? it would have to be the opening to digimon frontier ayyyyyyyyyy i still listen to that shit every fucking month. its that or disney’s hercules i can go the distance that shit was just MMMMMMM good shit2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?
yep a blue and white love bird my family called quick silver we taught it to do adorable little tricks like pick up our pencils when we do homework and it rolls away3.) have you ever been drunk?
hehe yeah fun times4.) have you ever tried drugs?
yup! curious about trying more hard drugs but also i dont wanna get addicted or like idk die/get arrested5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?
ALL THE FUCKING TIME. infact at work i told a customer we didnt have a thing and the customer was like whats that right behind u, and it was the thing they were looking for i felt so stupid lmao6.) have you ever made someone cry?
yeah.7.) has someone ever made you cry?
yeah.8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.
honestly idk if i ever have been in love. I would think that i have but yknow you never know what the future holds so looking back something in the past could pale in comparison to something in the future9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?
the chicken, evolved from some other bird10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?
dunno if im part of the community by status but i wholeheartedly approve and support them. speaking just for myself though I just think I’m me and nothing else. whether im non binary or male or female or something else doesn’t matter to me. im attracted to who im attracted to, feel what i feel, and do what i want with a hint of salt. If plants can have like 10 000 genders or whatever, then anyone can be whatever they want unless its something fucked up like age fluid lmao if youre 60 youre 60 even if you have the “mind of a 14 year old”11.) how many siblings do you have?
412.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?
yeah in fact just recently13.) are you a good cook?
fuck no. i fucking wish tho, not even a good cook i just wanna be able to copy recipes on tasty’s facebook page hahaha14.) what is your favorite tv show?
right now i dont have one and i definitely dont watch tv shows often unless you count anime then haikyuu!! or My hero Academia15.) what is the last movie you cried during?
i think it was a tyler perry movie something about a funeral and a family reunion honestly i cry when any movie has a really strong family sorta bonding specially if the family was broken at first and they all healed together and became closer as a result16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)
none, i did cry whe i was listening to wild wild love by GRL and pitbull for some reason? 17.) do you have a middle name?
nope i do have a nickname given to me by distant relatives18.) have you been out of your country?
yeah thankfully ive been out of canada multiple times19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?
love chocolate in fact im drinking hot chocolate right now, little cold going on so i need it20.) how many people have you kissed?
lips? less than 15, in general no matter where? couldnt count21.) what is your favorite album?
the only album i loved in its entirety has been marianas trench master piece theatre22.) what is your dream car?
2003 dodge viper23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?
i always wanted to be ironic and say 13 but i’ve kinda been leaning towards 10 like hinata’s jersey number24.) what is your favorite flower?
lilacs cuz the color25.) books or movies, why?
movies, less thinking for me26.) have you ever been on a blind date?
nope but i’d love to try it27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?
yep28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?
i dont think i have? not consciously.29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?
an act of self sacrifice or something handmade or personally tailored to the individual receiving30.) do you have neat handwriting?
i adore neat handwriting! its like a breath of fresh air, simple and precise to read, and it feels like you can read faster when it is31.) do you have a friend with benefits?
nope but i’d love to have one!32.) do you want a friend with benefits?
just said but yeah i’d love one!33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?
A hero.34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?
nope but my body refuses to drink any more alcohol once i get to my good buzz point. like all alcohol makes me wanna throw up the second i get past the point its almost like my mind and body are two seperate beings lmao35.) have you ever met someone famous?
i think i have? one time when i went bowling with some relatives, there was a crowd gathering around this blonde dude who was playing house of the dead and this one guy in the crowd approached me saying “ do you know who he is? hes famous?” and then i blanked out after that because i just wanted to watch someone play and mentally check out for an hour36.) how many concerts have you been to?
3 concerts! all which were very fun !37.) which concerts have you been to?
one was an ed sheeran concert for his divide album, another was a marianas trench concert in klondike days edmonton, and the last was a country concert im not sure who it was my sister wanted me to go with her38.) do you have a hidden talent?
i can match any generation 1 pokemon just from their cries some generation 2 but beyond that only a handful from each other generation39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?
masturbate. honestly its the only sure fire thing i’ve done that clears my head for the longest time and relaxes me lmao40.) do you think money can buy love?
of course! just depends how you use it! like if youre just throwing money at random people like “hey love me” itll be fake, but if you say, pay off a struggling student’s loans in full and give em a good fresh start im sure theyll be grateful to you for years to come. or if you pay for someone to get super super expensive surgery so they can die from old age rather than a disease or something then yeah they’d love you forever41.) how old would you date?
honestly not sure, i havent really tried dating anyone a lot older than me i usually date within 4-5 years older or younger? though i dont think i’d see a problem dating someone 10 years older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal?
hehe. ye.43.) what is your biggest fear?
death. too long to elaborate44.) what is an unusual fear you have?
fear of what happens after death45.) can you drive?
nope but i plan to learn how to and take my exam within the next 2 ish months46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?
of course! as many evolutions that were made common place theres bound to be evolutions that somehow spurred legends and mysteries47.) do you believe in karma?
of course! 100% of the time i expect some stranger to just walk up to me and start slapping me or punching me or throwing water or soda in my face for something i did, though i also prepare myself to say” okay i probably deserved that but can i ask why?”48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?
need to love physical affection, if not i dont think i can last with them, physical affection is so important to me its just as important as saying i love you, it like reassures me that theyre there with me in that moment and that theyre happy and just. physical stuff tells me a lot ok49.) do looks matter?
on first impression? oh hell yeah. keep in mind strictly first impression. im not gonna cut off a potential friendship or relationship because someones not my type or whatever i cut people off if they do something fucked up and horrible50.) does size matter?
to some people im not one of them51.) who is the last person you forgave?
I can’t really remember, i forgive people for small stuff all the time but with big personal mistakes i usually hold grudges52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?
French Vanilla53.) what languages can you speak besides english?
none but i plan to learn sign language eventually that and visaya54.) ever been on a plane?
yep! i’ve been out of the country so that definitely means by plane i dont know anyone who goes on roadtrips long enough to get out of the country55.) ever been on a boat?
yeah! i thought i’d be seasick but turns out i enjoy being on the water its kinda calming56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?
yeah my childhood friend ralph, cool dude but our friend groups and interests just kinda diverged57.) are there any friendships you regret?
yeah..58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?
oh hell yeah! there was this one girl who always ate at the same cafeteria as me and my friend group and i regret not inviting her over and being her friend59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?
yeah! specially during summer it really sucks and i only do that when my mental state is at a record low self punishment i spose60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?
hell to the yeah! its the best! like a music video or adventure but it really just helps me clear my mind. oh wait i guess that kinda counts for the calms me down thing so late night walks and masturbating bahahaha61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?
yep! one time with an ex girlfriend! we stayed from 2 am till 10 am i think singing songs and talking and cuddling on those big swings with a bowl at the bottom62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?
NO !!! I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS!!!! im kind of an adrenaline junkie!63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?
i personally feel like a 3 but thats probably because im already used to a 7 because of old issues i need sorted out that i’ve just kinda grown to live with the stress64.) do you have any plans this weekend?
considering its sunday? no, next weekend? im working65.) do you miss anyone right now?
yeah. i miss em a lot.66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?
K,Z, and C i miss em67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?
the power to fly or have wings that can make me fly. I associate flying with true freedom. 68.) who is your favorite superhero?
All Might69.) are you dirty minded?
ridiculously70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?
im too lazy for that shit bro…71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?
2 preferably? 72.) who is your biggest OTP?
im not super into shipping just cause it can get pretty toxic but asami and korra73.) what is your favorite food?
aw man im too much of a carnivore to pick just one thing man. uhh fried chicken or this one pork dish my mom makes thats super easy to make its like canned beans with this orange sweet kinda sauce and pork belly slices and potato chunks omggggg i eat so much of that. the last time my mom made that i actually ate the whole thing and i had to make more for everyone else lmao74.) do you want to be married one day?
yeah. it’d be nice not to have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life75.) dogs or cats?
dogs are great and so are cats though i have more patience for cats than i do for dogs. dogs to me are like energetic little kids and thats fine as long as im not dealing with them for an extended period amount of time i get drained pretty easy. cats are like roommates show you love and attention when they want but arent opposed to keeping you company the whole day76.) do you drink enough water daily?
i have no fukcing clue i literally just drink water whenever i have an excuse to drink.77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?
not that i know of? like theres a few times i think i did but i wanna see one thats like unmistakably a shooting star or comet thatd be neat too78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?
not long term? yeah id love to, just to feel what zero g feels like and the view of earth
79.) how many best friends do you have?
3 ish……..80.) when was the last time you cried?
a few nights ago when they stopped talking to me i cried like a little baby lmao ahhhhhhhhhh yikes81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?
nope82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?
i think? there was this one dude who literally thought everything i said was genuinely funny though to this day i have no idea if he was serious or not. i also have not seen that dude ever since83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?
Venice Italy.84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?
Lonely, Filth, dependant85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?
no, if my loyalty gets in the way of what i think is the right thing to do then i disregard the loyalty86.) what is your favorite season and why?
Winter. for some reason growing up i always felt like winter was unappreciated and i had this train of thought like “ even the cold needs to be loved” that and most of my wardrobe is just winter stuff. plus midnight walks feel so much nicer since its so cold out you know for a fact no one else would be walking around because whos gonna wait in a dark alley at -30 to mug, rape or kidnap someone.87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?
nope. if i ever said it i meant it.88.) do you know how to play any instruments?
not reliably. like i know some songs on guitar from youtube tutorials but i can’t play the guitar in all circumstances yknow like i learned the song without mastering the basics89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?
nope. i need like silence to sleep but ambient noise is preferred. music gives my brain something to focus on and thus stay awake90.) what are you allergic to?
pet fur or feathers and stuff. my eyes get puffy, my nose clogs up and my skin itches91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?
a sad, extremely rich person and a happy, extremely poor person. to show me what to be grateful for92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?
huh, thats tough… if its haikyuu i’d love to be daichi, if its my hero academia its hawks or deku93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why
Gal Gadot, I feel like she’d be such a positive influence on my life and that thing she does to people who are shorter than her where she cups their face in her hands omg i’d melt everytime. i just kinda wanna be like a little brother to her lol
94.) are you outgoing?
i would say i am?95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?
oh fuck yeah im fucking gutless96.) are you a good flirt?
nope. awkward and weird af97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?
yup all the time. part of life98.) which planet is your favorite?
never really thought about planets much but i do stan pluto as a planet99.) are you superstitious?
to an extent100.) are you a good listener?
i’d like to think i am101.) are you a good kisser
also like to think i am probs not102.) would you kiss any of your friends?
all of them honestly well not all of them. mostly cuz yknow theyre taken or theyd probably hate me if i did some of them are super defensive about physical intimacy
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Sentence Starter Masterlist
Batfamily:
Jason Todd:
“You deserve a world without this”
"Guns? Ha! Last I remember, you had string bean arms!"
“It’s not that funny.”
“I know you liked it when they were hitting on you.” "If you would do it I would like it better" "Wait, what" "What"
"If you're not there when this baby comes, I'm going to take that gun, and shove it so far up your--"
"open it" "can you say please?"
"real smooth, tripping over air"
"Alright guys time to play truth or dare"
"well, that was... interesting"
"where have you been"
“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”
“If you shove cake in my face this will be the worst wedding night of your life.”
“After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”
"I know I said I’d get up with the kid in the morning but I’m hoping you can’t tell I’m fake sleeping and hoping you will do it instead"
"It helps that my competition is attractive."
“I’d die for you. Of course, I’d haunt you in the afterlife but really, it’s the thought that counts.”
"I bet I could beat you in wrestling match"
“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”
"Yeah, because fighting crime wearing the colors of a traffic light is soooooo stealthy."
“I met your parents and your mom was flirting with me. "
"I am not jealous, I'm territorial. Jealous is when you what something you can't have, territorial is protecting what is yours."
"Get over here, Jason 'Crush Me With Your Thighs' Todd!"
"ITS PLATINUM!!!"
"Wait, you're not a virgin? do you even stay awake long enough for sex?"
"you can't just go around killing people"
"So tell me: do all vigilantes lurk or is this just a part of your unique charm?"
"Am I really gonna be a father to an actual human being?"
"Put the water balloon down."
“You’re cute when you’re angry.”
Dick Grayson:
“I did a pregnancy test.”
“You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”
"What do you mean I can't stay up until 4 am reading? You've stayed up later risking your life in a ridiculous costume!"
"If you sing that song one more time I will fight you"
“I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
"I swear to god if you don't get off the chandelier right now"
"love first of all if you're wearing that kilt to slag me off for me Irish heritage I'm not one fucking bit impressed and second KILTS ARE FUCKING SCOTTISH ugh but you do look the ride in it , i have to say wait there I'm posting a pic of it this gonna be great craic"
"IVE BEEN STANDING IN THIS SHOP FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN SMARTIES OR SKITTLES DONT RUSH ME !"
“What do you want me to do with this?”
"You know you have to worst name ever"
"Where do you run off to every day?"
Tim Drake:
“Is there a problem?” “Is there a special reason, as to why you’re wearing my shirt?”
"No, nothing's wrong, I was just fangirling, carry on."
"You should know by know that if you leave your cape laying around, I don't care if it's for 'superhero business', I'm going to wrap it around myself like a blanket."
“You drowned my makeup in water so I used my key to scratch all of your video game discs.”
"stop it, stop whatever the hell your doing"
'please stop staring at that stupid computer and talk to me'
"You're not meeting my boyfriend, Tim, because I'd like to date him a while before my brother kills him."
“This is your twentieth cup of coffee are you trying to break a world record or something?“
"I found you passed out, face down in a pile of coffee cups, are you ok?"
"You have to be cheating! No one is that good poker!"
"There's nothing wrong with taking a break"
"You should really get out of the house more, I almost attacked you thinking you were a vampire. And no patrol doesn't count, get some sunlight."
Damian Wayne:
“Damn, when did y/n get hot?”
"We’re camping and you think you lost the kid but they’re napping in the tent and I’m not telling you yet so you watch them better next time"
"Damian, are you sure your dad is going to be ok with us sneaking a monkey into the Manor?"
“Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”
“His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.”
“When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”
“Do you ever follow directions?”
"dami ..I can't find my reading glasses have you seen them ?"
"I was trained by the masters of the League of Assassins and Ra's Al Ghul himself I DO NOT SING"
"we are not going to steal someone's dog"
"i'm allowed to be obssesed with you, im your husband"
"Why is there a deer in the mansion."
"I'm better at handling swords than you"
“So that’s why you’re always gone... you’re fighting crime in tights...”
"Wait... are you actually trying to stab me with a spoon?"
"Do I have to?"
"Don't worry beloved my family will love you, if anything I'm worried about them scaring you off"
Batfam:
"Not to point out the elephant in the room, but is that a literal elephant in the room?"
<-------------------------------------------->
CW DC:
Barry Allen:
"Cisco I don't need you to hit on them for me."
"I don't care how much a speedster needs to eat, you touch my food, and we're going to have a problem."
"everyone can tell you lover her, it's obvious"
“im NOT jealous, but he was flirting with you"
"I'm so sorry to disturb you but....I ran out of toilet paper"
Wally West:
"you like her, don't you!"
"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it"
Oliver Queen:
"are you jerking off or did you just find another book?"
Mon-El:
"Are you really jealous of a dog?"
"Mon-El, stop trying to make me blush, you jerk!"
Winn Schott:
"Winslow Schott, you do *not* get to saw I'm 'crabby' right now. If I seem to be in a bad mood, it's because *someone* decided to drag all the way to the DEO, first thing in the morning before I had a chance to have breakfast, without actually giving me a reason!"
<-------------------------------------------->
DC (Other):
Billy Batson:
"I'll give you your precious hoodie back, if you say the magic word!"
"How hasn't Bruce Wayne adopted you yet?"
"So...what happened EXACTLY?"
"y'know when you sneak around like that to transform you look super shady right?"
"You snuck into my room in the middle of the night to tell me something that could've waited till morning, woke me up by tripping over a small pile of books, and almost broke the most expensive thing I own. Remind me again why I shouldn't immediately call the cops on my best friend?"
<-------------------------------------------->
Young Justice:
Wally West:
"I'd like to remind everyone to refrain from eating my food"
"I think you're just jealous cause you don't have magic powers! Or maybe you don't believe cause your so dependent on your precious science to explain everything!"
"I don't speak science, think you can translate for us non-nerds?"
Bart Allen:
"You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to him"
"I'm from the past...I knew your cousin"
"We're about to die!"/"Comes with the job!"/”You're not helping!"
"You can't be serious"
"Hey, could you help me go over these case files-...you do not have a shirt on..."
"Who do i look like, Batman?"
"How are you always late?"
"Give me back my book!! You better not spoil it!!!"
"YOU CAN SING?!?!?!?!"
"You look good in yellow"
"I promise to tell you where your snacks went, if you promise not to get mad."
“are you sure about this”
"please don’t make me say it"
<-------------------------------------------->
Marvel:
The Avengers:
"oops they saw it, well surprise I guess!"
Peter Parker:
"Don't be such a nerd Parker, we need to keep this professional and intimidating."
"You're that Bug Boy Jamison keeps talking about"
"You're an arachnophobe?"
“You're gonna get me killed!"
"I dare you to kiss him."
"Explain your powers to me again"
"Could you just get me down from here?!"
"These aren't even quips! They're just bad puns!"
"I cannot believe you of all people got us detention! I always thought it would be me."
"There's no such thing as bad publicity!"
"So, what's up with BugBoy over there?"
Steve Rogers:
"When were you planning to let me know what happened?!"
<-------------------------------------------->
Voltron:
Shiro:
“I’m like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”
“You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me?”
“How is my wife more badass than me?”
"i lost our baby"
“Are you hitting on me?”
"...Why did you throw confetti in my face?"
Lance:
“I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”
"Please tell me you aren't washing a metal, mechanical, slightly magical lion with soap and water?"
“How did you even get that there?“
Keith:
"How in the world did I get you to like me back?"
“I thought it was a good idea at the time, but it now occurs to me that I was horribly wrong.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with them!” "No, Dumb-ass I'm in love with you"
"I can't believe you talked me into this."
"Keith, I love you, you know I do, but *please* tell me you didn't actually jump out of an airlock to get your lion."
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
<-------------------------------------------->
Criminal Minds:
Spencer Reid:
"i need you to breath in and out with me, this anxiety attack will pass, i......"
"I don't care what you think you know, Spence, I'm *not* ticklish!"
"God, I hate profilers! You can never keep a secret from one."
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Purpose? Purpose.
My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening'
We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.
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