#its been a problem for a little while now but i thought it would go away. it didn't and now here we are and i think it's permanent
knees bothering me again so I took a tennis racket an tied it to the leg with my Grime Shirt so I can walk call that a turn a kit
Are you into it? - 1
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader
Series summary: Steve Rogers is not as vanilla as you might think - the first day of your anniversary trip ends with him making a kinky list that you plan to explore throughout the week. What could go wrong? Exploring Steve's sexual fantasies in a hotel full of people sounds like a great idea.
Chapter summary: You and Steve arrive in the hotel and he accidentally reveals his first kink. Things get heated and later he makes his list.
Chapter warnings: SMUT, Daddy kink, vaginal sex, mentions of choking, mentions of oral sex (f receiving), a bit of strength kink (is that a thing? idk), a bit of flustered/ nervous Steve, creampie
Word count: 3.6k
A/N: Send me an ask or a dm if you; already are on my taglist but don’t want to be tagged in this mini series, are not on my taglist and you want to be tagged in the mini series, want to be added to my permanent taglist. Also thanks to @donutloverxo for convincing me that this makes sense and encouraging me to post it.
Not beta read, sorry for any fuck ups. Enjoy, hoes! 💕
„Steve, you big old sap, this is the same hotel room,” you turn to him, your laugh filling the room as you throw your arms around his neck. Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips to his, his arms finding their way around your waist until he’s hoisting you up and pressing your back against the wall.
You and Steve met exactly a year ago in the same hotel, the room you were in reminding you of your first kiss. Your memories of that evening are vivid and clear - you came here for a charity banquet, Steve was in the middle of an undercover mission. He was never good at staying invisible, and after an hour you realized that whenever you make a move, he is always a few steps behind you. One look in his direction and he looked away quickly, his cheeks flushed. You thought he liked you and you quietly hoped he would approach you. However, it quickly turned out that it was not the case.
Another man was watching you like a hawk, his eyes not as soft as the blue-eyed, muscular blonde’s who had been watching you from the very beginning. His intentions, as it turned out, were also quite different, and he quickly made it known to you and everyone surrounding you - his hand stayed on your thigh, waist, and hip for the rest of the evening. You refused to return to his hotel room, but the drinks he was buying you - and you accepted them - were like payment for your body to him.
Steve followed you to your hotel room after you managed to free yourself from the sleazy man - you were sure the blonde just wanted to make sure you were safe. But when he pinned you to the door and started bombarding you with weird questions about that man, everything became clear.
His little interrogation lasted until the early hours of the morning, and when he was finally convinced that you were not romantically involved with the man and that you had no idea what his job was - if you could call illegal arms dealing a job - he promised to keep you safe throughout your stay at the hotel.
A few nights later Steve came to your room to say goodbye – he tasted like toothpaste and chocolate (he shared his croissants with you). His lips didn't seem to want to leave yours as his teammates called for him from across the hall. You quickly pulled your lipstick out of your bag and hurriedly scribbled your phone number on his hand. Two weeks later you were on your first date back in New York City.
“I just wanted it to be romantic for our first anniversary, sweetheart,” he hums, bringing your mind back from your thoughts as his lips press soft kisses against your jaw and neck. “If you think this is cheesy, wait till you see what I prepared for you back home.”
“Oh, yeah it was so romantic when we had to make a stop so you could help an old couple move their couch to their car,” your gaze soft as you think back to how determined he was to make sure the couch is secure in the seat, your heart swelling in your chest – Steve Rogers was a good man and you loved that about him. “Now that I think about it, watching you carry the couch like it weighed nothing was pretty hot.”
Steve chuckles, his eyes sparkling with adoration before his big hands grip your waist and he lifts you above his head.
Watching Dirty Dancing with him was probably a bad idea.
“Oh yeah? You like when I use my strength on you, sweetheart?” he grins up at you, his heart skipping a beat – your laugh like music to his ears.
He slowly lowers you until your legs wrap around his waist, smirking mischievously he throws you on the bed before slowly crawling on top of you – the look in his eyes making you think of a hunter getting ready to attack its prey.
He slots his hips between yours, his semi-hard cock grinding against your center as his head dips down, hot mouth on your neck and he moans at your smell, your taste, the feel of your fingers running through his hair. His deft fingers work on your zipper until you place your palms flat against his chest and his hand finds its way under your shirt instead.
“Wait, Steve,” you breathe out, hating yourself for stopping it as you can already feel your damp panties sticking to your folds.
“You don’t want it?” he pulls back, that sexy half-smile playing on his lips as he looks down at you.
„I do want it. But since you refused to stop for food, I’m starving.”
He nods, rolling off of you and grabbing a menu from the nightstand – you can’t help but shamelessly ogle his perfect ass.
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t know you wanted to stop because you were hungry. You could’ve told me,” he mumbles, grabbing the phone and ordering room service. Judging by how much food he ordered you were pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to finish what he’d started.
„You wouldn’t have stopped,” you let out a playful scoff and turn on your stomach, your chin propped in the palm of your hand, “you would’ve told me to suck it up and eat the sandwiches we made this morning.”
With a dramatic sigh, Steve puts the phone down and gives you a pointed look.
„And I would’ve been right to say that. You only had two bites, no wonder you’re starving.”
„You bought the wrong type of cheese, it smelled and tasted like goat fur”
“When have you tasted goat fur?” his brows furrow, concern written all over his face. “Was it Bucky’s goat? He swore it wasn’t aggressive towards people.”
You cover your mouth with your hand, physically stopping yourself from breaking into giggles.
“I haven’t tasted goat fur but I imagine it’d taste like that. That cheese was disgusting.”
“It was purple, I was curious,” he shrugs giving you a sheepish smile. “Next time we go on a trip, I’ll pack more protein bars and you’ll learn how to use your words to tell me when you’re hungry. I thought you wanted to stop because you were bored.”
There it is – the dad pose. One hand on his hip as he points an accusing finger at you, his tone reminding you of your father’s when you were a child and threw up all over his car.
„Steve, stop being such a dad,” you whine, burying your head in the mattress below you. Steven Grant Rogers and his dad speeches paired with his dad pose never failed to make you feel like a bratty schoolgirl and you were determined to play that fantasy out one day.
There’s a silent pause before you feel the bed dip right above your head and look up to see Steve laying on his side, propped up on his elbow. Your breath catches in your throat as you recognize his intense gaze, pupils blown but his demeanor still calm and stoic.
„Dad, huh? How about daddy?” he teases making your eyes go wide.
You stay quiet for a while, chewing on your bottom lip as you’re trying to decide whether or not you should ignore what he just said.
“Are you into that?” glancing down, you bite your lip as you see the slight bulge in his jeans.
“I don’t know. We could always find out,” he smirks, cupping your cheek and pulling you in for a kiss. He growls against your lips when you crawl on top of him making him lay back, your hands sliding under his shirt. Nipping at your bottom lip, he groans as you roll your hips against his. He breaks the kiss with a breathless laugh, his thumb tracing your pouty lip. “Food first, can’t let my pretty baby starve. You’re gonna need energy for later.”
♡ ★ ♡ ★ ♡
One chocolate croissant and a few sandwiches later you were too full to react to Steve's advances. His pleading gaze and those big, warm hands sliding up the inside of your thigh were not enough to convince you - after eating that much food you didn't feel sexy enough to fuck. In the evening, Steve took you to a real dinner where you drank more than you ate, but the alcohol made you feel like having sex again.
Steve wasted no time when you came back to the room - your back hit the mattress two seconds after your super soldier closed the door. His lips were all over you, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on your neck, collarbone, breasts until they finally reached your pussy. His tongue and fingers pulled two orgasms out of you before you felt his cockhead move up and down your soaked, engorged folds.
“You wanna try it?” he asks, his big hands grasping the sides of your face to make you look at him. His lips parted as he breathes heavily, his cock leaking straight onto your swollen, over sensitive cunt.
Moving your hips slightly up, you grind against his cock, making his head bump against your clit. You suck in a sharp breath, impatiently clenching your fingers on Steve’s shoulders as your eyes flicker between his and the place you’re supposed to be joined by now.
“Try what?” your brows furrow, as you’re trying to search your mind for an answer. You know he’s referring to a conversation you’ve had. The only problem is you’ve been together for a year so you’ve had lots of those.
He licks his lips, his eyes wide as he stares down at you, waiting for you to catch on. Rocking his hips – his cock sliding along your folds – he moves his hand down to the base of your neck. Not putting any pressure, just keeping it there, as his other hand lightly grasps your jaw. He’s pinning you to the mattress as your cunt drools all over his cock, your juices making him nice and slick, ready to slide right in.
But he doesn’t.
“You want to try choking?” you frown, your hand gripping his wrist as his fingers rub against the skin on your neck.
Shaking his head, he lets out an airy chuckle and licks his plump lips once again, his face lowers to yours and the next thing you know, his tongue is sliding between your lips. The kiss is pure passion and need, and it makes your thighs tremble in desperation – your legs wrapping around his waist as you start grinding against him, adding to his slow motions.
“No. I mean, yes. I do. But it’s not that. I just- I want to-,” he stammers, his eyes flickering between yours before his head drops to your shoulder with a frustrated sigh. His hips stop moving and you groan, your hands falling to your sides. He mumbles something into your neck, his voice quiet and muffled and it’s impossible to hear.
Rolling your eyes, you push against his shoulders until he lifts his head up and looks down at you, a sheepish smile on his lips.
“You’re acting really weird, Steve. Either tell me what’s going on or fuck me,” you huff, and Steve lets out a quiet growl that makes your pussy clench around nothing. “I’m cumming again whether you want it or not, so it’s your choice whether it’s gonna be on your cock or my fingers.”
That’s all it takes for him to shove the full length of his cock into your sopping cunt, no words, no starting slow. Once he bottoms out, he stops moving and watches your face intently, making sure he didn’t hurt you as you look up at him with wide eyes.
You whimper, your walls so stretched out it feels like you’re being split in half and you see the panic in Steve’s eyes as he realizes he might’ve been a little too harsh. He’s aware of his own strength which results in him being always gentle and careful with your much smaller body.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to- I just got so-,” he stutters and you open your mouth to calm him down, but before you can say anything he starts pulling out of you. Your legs tighten around his waist as you try to keep him inside.
“Seriously, what’s wrong with you today?” you mutter, pulling him down for a quick kiss.
“I just... I’m really nervous,” he admits sheepishly, his cheeks tinted pink.
“Why? We’ve had sex one hundred ninety-nine times,” you say and Steve gives you a weird look, his eyebrows shooting up. “Excluding phone sex and sexting.”
You mumble with a shrug.
“That’s very specific, sweetheart,” he chuckles, his hot breath fanning over your lips. He looks at you for a second, closing and opening his mouth to find the right words, and whatever he’s thinking about makes his cock twitch inside of you.
Instead of saying anything, he starts rocking his hips again, his eyes not leaving yours as you wrap your arms around his neck, your foreheads touching. He nips at your bottom lip, doubling his pace, his hot, heavy cock dragging in and out of you and filling the room with obscene, slurping sounds. Lacing his fingers between yours, he starts sucking marks into your neck, and the moan that tears from your throat makes his thrusts falter.
His voice is a whisper when he finally says what’s been on his mind this whole time.
“Say it, babygirl. Call me Daddy.”
You’re so lost in your pleasure you almost miss it, your cunt clenching on his cock so hard it’s almost painful and you hold your breath. You don’t say anything until Steve lifts his head and looks down at you, his eyes wide again and he’s ready to retreat, convinced he just made a mistake.
You watch as his hopeful expression turns into one of regret and embarrassment, before desperately cupping his cheeks, making sure he looks straight into your eyes.
“Please, don’t stop, Daddy,” your voice is a whisper when you finally say it and you see Steve’s pupils dilate – there’s no more blue in his eyes.
His cock twitches violently at your words and his lips curl into a snarl, as his thrusts double in force and speed. He grips your hips, his strokes rough and quick, his skin slapping against yours as he fucks into you with abandon. Grunting, he grabs the back of your neck and squeezes making you keen, his lips brushing against yours – he’s panting and growling like an animal above you, your cunt clenching with each powerful thrust.
You’ve never seen him like that before.
His thrusts are fast and animalistic as if he completely lost it, the only thing on his mind is to make you cum and cum inside you, fill you up, claim you as his girl – his property. Making sure you’re still there with him, he grabs your jaw and squeezes until you blink up at him, your eyes watering.
“Say it again,” he grits out, not able to control his hips as he chaotically and roughly ruts into you.
“Don’t- Don’t stop, Daddy, you’re fucking me so good. I- ah...fuck,” you can barely breath as his hips snap into you making the headboard hit the wall - all you can hear is bang bang bang, the obscene slurping noises, Steve’s... Daddy’s uncontrollable groans and growls.
Steve’s dick twitches inside you at your words and you can feel his pre-cum leaking into your cunt and seeping out of it every time he slams in. Every powerful thrust making you slide farther up the bed and Steve places his palm flat on top of your head to protect it from hitting against the headboard.
You cry out, holding onto him for dear life as you feel your walls pulsate around him, clenching and tightening until Steve bares his teeth and hisses.
“You’re so fucking tight I can...ah, fuck. I can barely move,” he almost chokes on his words when another spasm runs through you, your body inching closer to the edge when Steve’s hand slides down. He pinches your clit between two fingers, before rubbing tight circles against it, his neck veins popping out, face red and sweaty from trying not to cum. “Come on, baby. Cum for Daddy, need you to cum. Make a mess on Daddy’s cock, make me proud. Can you do that?”
Shakily lifting your hips to meet his, you nod dumbly to his question, your eyes squeezed shut, mouth hanging open – you let out a loud, high-pitched moan as your orgasm washes over you. Your pulsing cunt making Steve’s hips stutter and he throws his head back, his nostrils flaring, jaw clenched tight. His muscles tense up before his body starts bouncing on top of you upon meeting his release, spasming with each spurt of cum he releases into you. He leans down and bites into your shoulder, making you whimper in pleasurable pain.
“Daddy, are you...”
“Still fucking cumming,” he growls out, caging you in with his arms and lowering his torso until it presses against yours as he fucks through his orgasm, making sure you stay still as he unloads into you.
His body finally relaxes and he catches himself on his elbows before he can slump down and crush you. His eyes soften as he gazes down at you panting, his cock still buried deep inside you and twitching. Cupping your cheeks he calls your name softly, prompting you to open your eyes.
And when you do, your breath gets knocked out of your lungs – his eyes holding so much affection and adoration you nearly burst in tears from the intensity of it.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, his eyes flickering between yours with concern.
You reach up and smooth your thumb over the crease forming between his brows, your lips curling into a lazy smile and Steve’s body visibly relaxes at that. Wrapping his arms around you, he turns to his side bringing you with him, his cock still buried inside you.
“So...you’re into that,” you state after a minute of silence and Steve playfully squeezes your ass before giving it a gentle slap. You sigh contentedly as you nuzzle into his neck, your forefinger tracing mindless patterns against his chest. “Are we not going to talk about it?”
His silence makes you pull away and look at him, and you have to keep yourself from laughing as you see the deep blush covering his neck and cheeks. You playfully tap his lower lip and he nips at your fingertip.
“Do we have to talk about it?”
“You didn’t like it?”
“I loved it,” he admits, his cock twitching inside you as he looks into your eyes, “it’s just... How do we-“
“Do you want this to happen again? You want me to call you Daddy when you fuck me?” your voice teasing and you smirk when Steve looks away and takes a deep breath – you feel his cock getting hard inside you again.
“What if- what if you call me that... not only when we have sex but also outside the bedroom?” he finally looks at you, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows thickly. “I like it when you call me that, it...it makes me feel...it’s-“
Your hand moves to his cheek, your thumb gently caressing his skin and you see the tension leave Steve’s shoulders at your soft touch.
“We’re staying here for a week so how about we spend that time... exploring? Then, at the end of the week we’ll decide if we want to bring all these new stuff home?”
“I’m not entirely sure what I want to explore and if I could call my preferences...,” he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of breath as he feels you purposefully clenching your cunt around him and he gives you a pointed look, “kinks. I’ve been doing some research. I mean, before I met you. And there’s so much to- there are so many things to try and some of them are just- I don’t know where to begin.”
He starts babbling and you cut him off before he confuses you even more.
“How about you make a list?” you offer.
“What about you?”
“Oh, I already have one. It’s been in my notes for a year,” you grin and cut him off right as he starts opening his mouth to complain. “Do you want to make one now?
He nods excitedly, though the deep blush never leaves his face, and sits up grabbing the pencil and his notebook from the bedside table. It’s already filled with lists of all kinds – shopping lists, to-do lists, to-watch lists, important birthdays lists.
If someone told you that Steve would be making a “kinks-to-explore” list a year ago, you’d never believe them.
There’s an amused spark in your eye as you glance up at Steve – his brows are furrowed in concentration, his eyes fixated on the slowly expanding list before him, you can practically see the gears turning in his head. You’re dozing off, the sound of pencil on paper somehow soothing to your ears.
You’re jolted awake by Steve gently poking your side and handing you the notebook – a triumphant smile on his lips as he points at the first thing on the list. You rub your eyes sleepily trying to get them to focus on what’s before you.
When you’re finally able to see you look up at Steve with absolute horror. Looking down at you, his smile turns into a smug smirk – finally, he’s not the one blushing.
“How are we supposed do this here, Steve?”
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I have had this thought for a while. Remus has a ton of problems and while I love him to death, I know that if he survived the battle, he would be engaging in another one. However, instead of fighting the dark lord and his servants, this fight would be more personal. While I am sure he’d be relieved with teddy and him and tonks would make it, I think that he would need extra help too. So, here is a sort of fanfic I wrote off of that idea. It’s not perfect (I haven’t written FanFiction in a long while) and definitely not 100% accurate. I watched some videos and talked to my brother about when he went to talk to a therapist. But I hope it’s enjoyable nonetheless. Anyways here it is.....
Remus had never wanted to go to this muggle building. Besides feeling uncomfortable at the idea of speaking to someone about his issues, the past full moon still lingered within his tissues, If it was up to him, he would've stayed home. Rested for a few more days; However, Dora seemed adamant on this. To talk to what the muggles called a 'therapist' He never understood much of muggle culture apart from what he remembered his mother telling him when he was a youngster, but he attempted to read upon the subject as much as he could. Having a job for the sole purpose of talking to people was a bit odd to him, but regardless of the questions sneaking up within the very confines of his mind, Dora would've forced him out of the house anyways. He could remember her words, her tone and insistence playing continuously within his consciousness:
'I do not know why you insist I speak to this therapist Dora. I find it awkward to speak to anyone, especially a muggle, about our condition. I do not wish to bore them with my endless stories' He said, holding baby Teddy within his arms. The little guy was getting so big already. He remembered when he was born. Gosh how long has it been since then? 3, 4 months. And baby teddy was already proving to be quite the remarkable little tyke. Remus could barely look at his son without smiling. His hair was pink today, a bit of an odd sight compared to his usual blue locks. Remus still has to know why the boy clinged to the color so much, but whenever he seemed to hold him, his hair would turn that shade of aquamarine. But today it seemed like the little Lupin was taking inspiration from his Mum, that much he could tell. His thoughts, however, were sadly interrupted when his wife interjected. She looked tired, but happy. Raising the child combined with her duties as an auror were incredibly stressful and having their toll on her. He could tell that from a simple glance. It reminded him of himself, graying and falling apart at the seams.
'Because Remus,' His wife began, scooping baby Teddy up in her arms. She held a bottle besides the child's lips, watching as the little guy began to eat his meal for the afternoon. 'I know you are still struggling. I can see it in your eyes sometimes' She remarked as Remus sighed. There were indeed instances where he questioned himself, wondering if what he'd done was worth it. They have survived the battle, but were both recovering still. While he had tried to push those negative thoughts behind him, he could not push them away completely. He still hated doing this to Tonks and to Teddy. He wished he could let them be a family, but while those anti-werewolf laws were implemented (which they still were), it was not worth the risk to resort them into becoming social outcasts. At least not more than they already were. 'I know, but I do not intend to leave. B-but Dora im so-'
The woman's hair turned a bright red for a brief moment. Her eyes focusing upon his, her hands occupied with keeping Teddy secure and ensuring he didn't spill the formula all over himself. 'This Remus is why I set up the appointment. How many times have I told you, you do not need to apologize to me. Or to Teddy. We love you regardless of if you were human, muggle, werewolf, whatever. I know and do not doubt when you say you love us, but I know there is something on your mind. I know that you have so much love to give to us, but when it comes to yourself, you have nothing but resentment. I do not intend to fix you by myself. That is an impossible task and I cannot make you want to change. I hoped that talking to someone else might have you understand what it is you are afraid of. Why you have these doubts and worries. It's not the worst thing to receive outside help, sweetheart. Please just at least try it out?' She asked, her voice more serious now. She was not joking or making light of the situation which she was typically caught doing. She was serious and Remus knew this. A sigh escaped his lips, holding his hands together now. He knew that, while he did not think this experience would be particularly beneficial, perhaps Dora was right. 'Alright, I will try. But I cannot promise you anything love' he said, the pink haired woman stepping towards him and kissing his lips lightly. 'Thank you' she whispered, leaning against him for a brief moment....
So, there he found himself, within the office building of this person he was to talk to. Clipboard within his hand filling out some basic information about himself:
Name: Remus John Lupin
Birthday: March 10th, 1960
Conditions: [Left empty]
He sighed, finding that it was probably fruitless. Why talk to someone who he could not reveal the true truth to? He couldn’t just walk in saying ‘I’m a werewolf so I spend every day wondering why the hell do I have such a supportive family and why I could ever deserve them’ the man would think he was loony. Though, he couldn’t really deny something was wrong with him. He looked like he should’ve been in his 50s, his hair littered with gray streaks, his eyes looked baggy and tired. His limbs rested loosely around his body, as if somehow akin to a rag doll. It could be associate to him just by having ungodly long legs, but also the transformations left his joins permanently damaged. And well, not to mention the numerous scars and closed wounds upon the entirety of his body. It would be a shock if he claimed that nothing was wrong. Honestly, Remus consistently looked like he was having a midlife crisis which, to be honest, he was. After a few more moments he stood, his knees popping into place while every bone in his lower back cracked. He stepped towards the desk, handing the clip board back. He was about to return to his seat when he heard a voice from the closed off room. “Remus Lupin?” They asked as he cleared his throat. “Yeah that’s me” he responds, his voice soft as he approached the door.
The office was a rather little pleasant space. His eyes noticed some furniture and a sofa. His bones, already weary from
The short distances walk due to his brittle state, longed for a break. The woman there looked at him for a moment, holding a pen and paper within her hands. “You can sit down if you so please.” She said, her voice soft and much more open in tone than what he was used to. Most wizards could tell his condition rather quickly. Or, if they didn’t know, they would find out soon enough. So, many were not incredibly kind per say to him. “Thanks” he mumbled, sitting down on the couch, holding his hands together. He fidgeted a bit upon the cushion, not truly comfortable, but it as far better than his previous position.
“So, mr. Lupin, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself. Maybe tell me about your family or your interests. Of course you do not need to, but I think it would be beneficial” she remarked as the man chuckled. “You’re not asking what’s wrong with me? I’m surprised.” He remarked as the woman shook her head. “No, I do not want to insinuate that you have a ‘problem’ immediately. I don’t like to call it problems either. We all have things we need to work on and improve. But coming here is a good first step. Sometimes it’s hard to open up and willingly admit you have something you want to work on. I think you are already making progress.” She said, remus’s eyes adverting to the gold wedding band upon his left finger. A smile formed upon his face. “Well, I didn’t actually wish to come her. But my wife insisted. And well, I thought why not. It wouldn’t hurt and she could take care of teddy, our son.” He said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a photo, casting a silent charm preventing its movement. He had no money really to carry around, but he always liked having his family besides him whenever he was doing some work helping with reconstruction from the war effort. With Kingsley in charge he hoped that it would bring an end to the discrimination against him and his kind. That would’ve relieved many of his stresses, but wizarding kind has been taught since birth that his very being should be eradicated from the world. The scum of society unworthy of love, unworthy of happiness. These thoughts have been so engrained within the man for so long that he’s now accepted it was fact. No questions asked.
The woman examined the photo for a moment and saw his fond expression. She wrote down some notes, holding the notebook so he could not see what she was writing down. “Given the fondness you seem to bestow I can tell that you love them very much. However, I see a hint of sadness there too. Is there anything that could cause you to gaze on the images of those you obviously love and then react later with a look of longing?” She asked, Remus sighing. He couldn’t tell her the truth, not really. But, perhaps explaining it in a way it could be understandable. “I-I guess you can say that I’m not normal. I know I don’t look it and there’s a reason for that. I have an incurable disease that leaves me weakened and in a state of consistent stress. It’s been this way since I was a small child. However, where I’m from, it’s treated like a curse. And I hate that I am selfish enough to bestow that stigma on my family. Yet, as much as I try, I cannot leave them. They will just end up being ashamed of me. I don’t want that.” He whimpered, feeling tears form within his eyes once more. This was always a touchy subject to him. While he didn’t want to leave and he couldn’t now, he just didn’t feel deserving of her. Or of teddy. The boy would have to grow up hearing his father’s screams. See his father shift into a monster while he cannot do anything to help. That’s not a fate a young boy should have.
The woman wrote down some more notes, her eyes turning to the man. She could see he was broken, his body truly reflected the state he was in emotionally and mentally. All of him was drained, completely exhausted. Whatever he had, it must’ve been bad. Though, she did not wish to pry, nor get too inquisitive. This was for him and he should tell what he is comfortable. Asking too many questions would just set a wall between the two. “Well, from what I see is that you are mad at yourself for something you cannot change. I have an idea-“ she flipped the page over, tearing a clean one off from the notepad. Picking up a spare pen, she handed it to him. “Why don’t you write about what you think is good about yourself? It seems that all you focus on in this negativity driven by something you cannot help. And you push people away because of it. You see yourself as worthless because of what you cannot help. Dwelling on these negativities will mask many of the positive things within your life. Once again, causing yourself to distance yourself. Why don’t you take a few minutes to write what you believe is good about yourself.” She said, picking up her pen, writing down something on a new fresh sheet.
Remus just stared at the blank paper, a bit at a loss. He never truly though about himself, at least not recently. Why would he? He didn’t need to be reminded in his every waking hour about his condition. It would always creep up in his mind, warping his thoughts and hopes into those of shame and pain. What was he good at? His hand lingered over the pen, lightly gripping it and writing down some words. Yet, as he wrote, he would think of the past. How could he be a good husband and loving friend when he left those he held most dear? How could he be a role model when the boy he saw grow up told him off as a coward. Line after line became scribbled out, black ink now decorating the page, yet, nothing positive within its lines. It was as if a toddler tried to draw an ink blood portrait. He held his head in his hands, his eyes adverting as shame consumed his soul once more.
The therapist glanced at his page, her mind trying to find the connections there. “So, what did you come up with?” She asked as the man slumped in his chair. “N-nothing.... I’m not good at anything. I only hurt the people I love. I cannot possibly see any net benefit from that.” He said as the woman sighed. “Mr. Lupin, whatever happened in your past, you cannot hold it against you. Those in your life have forgiven you from what it seems. Now you just have to forgive yourself.” She stood up, moving towards him. “I did not inform you this but I was writing a list of observations too. From my perspective you are incredibly caring, a devoted father and husband from what I’ve seen, and a very insightful and kind man. You cannot hold the sins of your past against you. Whatever pain you might have caused or whatever you cannot change will not bring you good to ponder over. Thinking over negative emotions will allow this cycle of self doubt to continue. Perhaps instead of thinking about everything you have done wrong, why don’t you start saying ‘you are worth it’ to yourself every morning. It’s something small, but very effective.” She reached into her cabinet drawer, taking out a small spiral notebook. “And perhaps journaling or doodling could help. It seems that you bottle up these emotions inside until they burst. Great joy or great sorrow follows. Perhaps writing down all your happy and sad thoughts will allow your emotional state to remain more stable. And leave you more grounded.” He was a bit surprised at the gesture, but took it nonetheless. He stood up, grabbing the notebook. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was willing to follow their advice, but maybe he could at least a bit. It would be nice to not have to think about how much he hated himself for at least a day. That would be the best thing for him, but that would take time. “Thanks” he said as she nods. “If you ever want to talk again you or your wife could reschedule. It was nice talking to you.” She responds, a small smile on her face. He nods, moving towards the door, his lanky self slipping out of the doorframe as he moved back home.....
Anyways thanks for reading if you took the time to. Honestly it’s nice writing FanFiction again.
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Repost cause of stupid tags😔
Taking fucking like rabbits to a whole different level lmfaoo
I really hope i did this justice
Warnings : SMUT! (dom!peter, sub!peter, face slapping, choking, oral [fem rec], innocence kink?, master kink [at the end tho and its like only mentioned once], excessive use of the word bunny)
Word Count : 1.5k
My Little Bunny
Dom!Peter Parker x Reader
“So...” Peter started, leaning against the counter opposite you in the kitchen, “Bunny, huh?”
“Oh god not you too,” you groaned, thankful that your back faced his as you took care of the dishes in the sink, making it easier to hide your flustered face, “Just a stupid nickname my family use to call me when i was younger,”
“Bunny,” he tested the name on his lips, “I like it,”
“Yeah,” you mumbled, shaking your head at the thoughts that started to form in your mind. You felt dirty at what you felt when the name rolled off his tongue, so innocently but sinful at the same time sending shivers up your spine and shocks in places it shouldn’t.
You were a fool to think that peter didn't notice the change in tone of the room.
“Want to watch a movie after this bunny? or straight to bed,” he bit his lip, watching as you squirmed slightly at the name once again. He loved the power he had over you, how submissive you got with a simple word or touch. He had to admit he abused the power quite a lot, but to see your eyes roll to the back of your head as he fucked you senseless, it was worth it.
“Stop calling me that,” you grumbled, taking one of the dishes from the sink and pulling it in the dish water.
“Calling you what Bunny?” He smirked, biting his lip as he watched you clench your thighs, “You loved the name when we were younger, what happened now?”
“I’m not a kid anymore Peter,” you snapped, letting out a shaky breath after putting the last set of dishes in the machine.
Peter chuckled darkly, leaning off the kitchen counter and walking towards you, pressing his chest against your back. His hands landed on either side of you, holding on to the counter.
Trapping you in his cage.
“So it’s fine when your family says it,” he said into your ear, teasing the skin with light kissed that he trailed down to your neck, “But when i try it out its a problem? Why’s that bunny?”
“Peter,” you grumbled, trying your best to sound authoritative but the small whimper you let out told him otherwise, “Quit it alright?”
“No, no I don’t think i will,” bitting at your skin, “I like it, and i think I’d go as far to say you like it too,”
You bit your lip, holding back a another small whimper that threatened to escape your mouth, “No I don’t,” you gritted your teeth, planning on just turning in his hold and pushing him away, ready to get in bed and forget the night ever happened. But your boyfriend had other ideas.
His left hand raised off the counted, finding its place around your throat, pulling your head back look look him in his dark brown eyes that were clouded with lust. You whined at his movements, your own hands gripping at his, but not making an effort to pull them away.
“Don’t like it huh?” He raised his eyebrows mockingly, “So if i just moved my hand up,” his finger gripped at the edge of your skirt, pulling it up as his hand travelled up your thighs, “And rubbed your little clit, you wouldn’t be dripping wet for me right?”
“I-,” you gulped, closing your eyes as you bit your lip. You’d never experienced peter like this, so dominating and confident compared to the sweet baby boy you grew to love. Sure, you both had sex before, and as your friends would say it was pretty vanilla since it was your first times together.
But you’d be a liar if you didn't like this new side of him.
“Not gonna say anything?” He chuckled, trailing his fingers up the inside of your thigh, hovering it over your clothed heat, “Guess ill just have to figure out myself then,”
He pressed the pads on his pointer and middle finger against your clit, moving in slow circles around the fabric. You softly gasped at the contact, your hand shooting to his hair, tangling your fingers with he brown locks while the other stayed still on his wrist.
“You’re soaking bunny,” he pushed your panties to the side, teasing your lips with the pads of his fingers.
“Peter,” you managed to get out, trying your best to hide the moans digging its way out of your throat.
“S’that all you gotta say bunny,” his finger slipped into your tight hole, making your breath hitch, “I’m sure you could do better than,” his tone dropped an octave, “I’ve been kind so far, giving you what you truly want. But if you want me to continue, you’re going to have to tell me bunny, i cant do everything for you now can I?”
You didn’t responded, you didn't want to give peter the satisfaction of knowing how weak you grew with the dumb nickname. But a sharp slap to your right cheek broke you out of your thought.
“I’m trying to be nice here bunny,” he murmured, taking his finger out and continuing to rub against your clit, “But if your going to be a fucking brat, i have no problem leaving you here until you’ve learnt your lesson,”
“I’m sorry peter,” you finally said, missing the feeling of his fingers deep in your pussy.
“Good girl,” he rasped, letting go of your throat and turning you around, lifting you up and moving to the side to sit you on the clear counter. You wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding on the obvious bludge in his sweats.
“Don’t be greedy now,” he wrapped his hand back around your throat, squeezing tightly, loving how your mouth opened slightly and your eyes become cloudy, “Now tell me. What. Do. You. Want?”
“I want you to touch me, please peter,” you begged, finally breaking, grabbing at his shirt, “Please, fuck,”
“I’m already touching you bunny,” he replied smugly, chuckling at your pleas, “Going to have to be more specific than that,”
“Your mouth, please!” You cried, “Fuck, please, Peter,”
“Anything for you bunny,” he mumbled, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead before moving down your body. On his trail down, he took off your top along with your bra, placing light feathery kissed on your buds briefly before moving down to your skirt.
He bunched up the material at your waist, revealing your cotton panties that had a visible wet spot making you look away in embarrassment.
“Well, you wont be needing this anymore bunny,” he mumbled kneeling on the hard floor before ripping off the panties and diving into your soak heat, giving a bold lick up the middle of your cunt. He bit and sucked at the sensitive skin, moaning at your sweet taste.
“Holy fuck! Peter!” yous screamed throwing your head back as you grabbed at his hair, tugging on his soft locks.
“Keep yours eyes on me bunny,” he mumbled into your pussy, sending vibrations up your body, “Look at who’s making you feel so good,” he wrapped his arms around your thigh, pulling you closer into his tongue.
Peter smirked into your heat, running his finger through your clit then into your tight cunt, moving slowly in and out. He latched his mouth on to your little bud, sucking and licking softly, listening to your noises, taking his time to make sure you were enjoying the pleasure he gave you. You whined at his slow movements, tugging harder at his hair causing him to let out a small laugh, looking up at your pathetic state.
“What’s wrong bunny,” he fake pouted, raising his head from your pussy but keeping his fingers moving, “I thought this is what you wanted?”
“Faster,” you mewled, “Please,”
“Hmm, Whatever my bunny wants,” he added one more finger before plunging into you, moving in at out at an impossibly fast past. His mouth lapped at your clit, slow and calculated, a clear difference to his fingers moving quick, hitting all the right places rapidly.
“Peter,” you moaned, trying your best to keep eye contact with him, but the pleasure was so intense, sending your head flying back.
“Go on bunny, cum for me, cum for your master,” the name fell out of his mouth so fluently, sending you over.
Your thighs shook around his shoulders as your hips jutted out at the shocks moving throughout your body. You’ve never had an orgasm so intense before with the combination of his teasing and calculated movements you knew it would be your last.
Oh, and that stupid nickname.
You hummed, trying your best not to slouch back or forward, knowing that if you did you’ll most likely hit your head on the corner fo hard stone. Peter took note of this, trailing kisses up your body before brining your chest against his, allowing your to sag against his clothed shoulder.
“Oh we’re going to have so much fun bunny,” he growled, biting the top of your ear, “My little bunny,”
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Beautifully Broken: Part 7
“The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing.” – Jim Rohn
“An intervention.” The two words you didn't want to hear, the two words you feigned to hear.
You felt as though you would rather stick your head in the sand and remain ignorant to what they had to say or chose to say to you, rather than be subjected to their reasoning.
It was out of your own stubbornness that you chose to ignore the two words the first time they were spoken. It was out of your own stubbornness that you turned away and started the stand mixer to create a new batch of buttercream icing for the new cake orders.
“Y/N.” Your hand hesitated as the alpha female spoke.
She was your coworkers mate, your coworkers alpha female, the pair of women newly mated after only being on three dates. But they were the best couple you knew, the couple with the least problems and none of the toxicity that could stem from testosterone.
“I can't talk about this now.” You spoke in protest. “I have work to do.”
You turned away. You focused on adding the correct amount of icing sugar to the mix, food coloring as it mixed in the steel bowl. You ignored her heated gaze digging into your back, until you couldn't ignore it anymore.
You ignored it until you felt her hand smack your ass with enough force to send you toppling over if you hadn't been leaning against the counter. When you felt the sting through your jeans, heard the crack of her hand meeting your ass cheek, your eyes flew open and you whipped around, jaw slack.
“What is wrong with you?!” you shrieked at her, eyes wide and your jaw dropped.
“You wouldn't listen.” She glanced at her mate sitting on the counter in the back, swinging her legs back and forth, an amused smile on her face.
“I wouldn't-“ You grit your teeth. “You smacked my ass!”
“Good. I should almost do it again.” She narrowed her eyes in your direction, focused in on you and only you. “Someone needs to smack some sense into you.”
You huffed and looked away, arms crossed over your chest, your bottom lip stuck out in a pout. You fixated on a sign on the wall reminding everyone in the bakery about safe baking temperatures and safe internal temperatures for meat. You had read that sign a million times it seemed like, and now you read it again just to avoid the conversation.
“They're all the same.” You spoke of Steve and Bucky as alpha's in the same way you spoke of any alpha's you came across.
“How do you know? You won't even give them a chance.” The only alpha female in the room closed the distance, stood in your path so you would have no choice but to look at her.
“Not every alpha is the same, just like not every omega is the same. You can't them based on your past experiences and you can't keep your head shoved in the sand in the hopes that you can breeze through life single and alone.” She reached out and placed her fingers under your chin, made you look at her.
“Maybe I want to be alone.” You muttered and mumbled in your loneliness, unadmitted.
“No you don't, Y/N.” she wiped your rolling tears, cooing softly.
It was her nature as an alpha to care for omega's, to comfort them and protect them. That nature was even stronger as an alpha female with an omega mate. Alpha females had, or so you'd been told, almost view omega’s as bear cubs and the alpha female was the mother who would tear into anyone or anything that hurt their cubs.
“You’ve just been treated like shit for so long that you’re afraid to be loved. You’re afraid to let anyone in because you’re afraid that once you start to let them in, everything will be ripped away from you.” She cupped your cheek, wiped her thumb across your flesh.
“What if they-" she cut you off by placing her finger on your lips.
“What if they don't? What if they treat you like you mean something? What if they treat you like you’re the only person in the world?” She looked away from you now, staring pointedly at her mate. “What if they love you more than they love themselves?”
“Is that even possible?” You felt your composure slipping.
“Of course it is.” She faced you again, focused in on you as you were trapped against the counter. “Besides, the two alpha's who want you are like the most gentlemanly men on the planet.”
You furrowed your eyebrows, contemplated what she was saying.
“You know I’m right. They were born and raised in a time when mistreating an omega could actually result in jail time. I mean if you mistreat an omega, as an alpha, there would be harsh punishments. They were raised in a time when alpha's had to be respectful to omega's and had to treat them like they were royalty, or potentially face the consequences of fines, jail time or even omega's being removed from the situation entirely.” She tapped the tip of your nose.
“So…give them a chance?” You were already anxious, already nervous.
“Let them show you who they are as alpha's before you shut them down.” Yes, it what she really meant to say.
Give them a chance.
Your next set of days off happened much in the same as before, only you had no real errands to tend to. You had an entirely different reason for coming to the café today, an entirely new reason for ordering your coffee and the pre-made overly sweet muffin.
When you had your drink and your overly sweet muffin, you found a table and sat on the wooden and metal chair, your muffin in front of you and your coffee to your left. You pulled your phone out of your coat pocket and unlocked the screen, your home screen appearing with only one notification as a text.
You really didn't know what to expect or even how long to wait to even see if Bucky would show up, and other than showing up to Stark tower looking desperate to find him, this was your best option. And as your best option, you gave yourself a 2 hour wait limit.
If he hadn't shown up in 2 hours you would leave and forget the whole thing, scurrying away in embarrassment.
Luckily for you, or unluckily, Bucky appeared in the café less than a half hour later by himself. He hadn't noticed you, or hadn't seemed to notice your scent when he first walked in, though when you grabbed your coffee cup and stood with your empty plate, and the chair scraped against the floor, he turned his head.
When he looked at you, when your eyes met and the plate nearly slipped from your hand as he smiled, you felt irrevocably warm as if a fire was lit under your feet, its flames shooting up your body. It was both invigorating and intoxicating as your breath seemed to catch.
“Hi.” He spoke a simple greeting, an even simpler word but in its simplicity was beauty.
“Hi.” You shift your grip on the plate, easing your foot forward as you meant to take a step toward him.
“Are you just on your way out?” Bucky tilt his head to the left slightly, watching you with his bright blue eyes and the faintest smile on his face.
“I was actually…” You paused, looked away when the moment became a little too awkward.
“Would you like another coffee?” Bucky stood still as you approached nervously.
‘Give them a chance, Y/N. Give them a chance to show you who they are without you shutting them down.’
“I was wondering…would you like…to…” You didn't think you could do this. You didn't think you could actually get the words out. “…go on a date? Or something…”
“Have you ever been to Coney Island?” Bucky faced you head on, easing your nervousness with a bigger, kinder smile. “Steve and I went there for our first date.”
The warmth spread, seeded into you. It was there, it was a part of you now.
“N-no…I’ve n-never…” You stumbled over your words, stuttered.
“How about next Saturday? Steve will be gone for a while on a mission in London, so it'll be me and you. Less pressure.” Bucky was hopeful, he was eager and hopeful and he looked like a kid who just asked Santa to bring him a new bike for Christmas.
It was cute, you noted, how innocent he seemed. How Bucky seemed like such a soft alpha. He seemed more like a teddy bear than the assassin you knew he was. Or used to be.
‘Give them a chance, Y/N.’
“I-I'm free on S-Saturday.” You gripped your empty coffee cup like it was your comfort blanket.
“We can meet at your bakery? 9am?” Bucky's voice spiked, while still being deep and sexy.
The grin on his face, the pure joy and elation did more to you than you thought possible. Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest, your own smile building and forming on your face in response to his.
“Sure.” You swallowed thickly, butterflies fluttering in your stomach.
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Beautifully Broken: Part 4
“Our eyes met and our souls caught on fire.” - Nikki rowe
The rut lasted for days, longer than when it was just Steve and Bucky, triggered by the scent of an omega who had rocked them to their cores. The scent creating a physical ache to be around the woman who had such a lasting affect on them, without even meeting the woman.
Some would say that love at first sight had started at *first sight*, the first moment that two people's eyes had met in a setting that would allow for such a time, or even in slight passing.
But for Steve and Bucky, it hadn't been the sight of the omega. It hadn't been a visual cue that had made the alpha's take interest in you, but something much more primal, animalistic at its base.
Your scent called to them, beckoned them. It latched onto them and became seeded in their souls.
You became engrained in them, without even seeing your face. Two powerful alpha's fallen to the whims of an omega who could knock them to their feet.
They would live and breathe for you. It was their role as alpha's, if you chose them, to protect you. To love you. To care for you. To treat you with the respect befitting an omega.
They would be yours and yours alone.
However until they were able to find you, until you were able to consent to them, and give yourself to them, they would be stuck in the rut until it was over, and perpetually stuck in a sour mood.
It was the fourth day of the two alpha's being in a perpetual bad mood, the rut slowly leaving their bodies with only the pissy attitudes left behind, when their first glance at a saving grace appeared.
Natasha sauntered into the training room of Stark Tower with a proud, almost smug, smile on her face. She strode toward Steve and Bucky with her arms crossed over her chest and her hip cocked. Her red and blonde hair was braided as usual, and hanging over her left shoulder with a black tie holding it all together.
Her presence in the training room wouldn’t have been enough to steal Steve and Bucky's attention on its own, Natasha was here almost as often as the two alpha's if not more.
What really stole their attention and gave way to their rising curiosity and testosterone was their omega's scent mixed with her own.
Their omega’s scent was strong enough to be detected but not so strong that it implied Natasha was clinging to and rubbing herself on their omega. It was as if Natasha held a casual conversation in the same area, or as if they had bumped into each other in passing.
“Where?” Bucky grunt the question.
“You should be thanking me.” Natasha quipped as she sat down on the training mat in front of them, stretching her left leg out straight.
“You found her?” Steve was a little more put together than Bucky was, a little more controlled but not entirely by much.
“Well she owns that bakery that Tony keeps ordering from and I found out that she does a lot of the deliveries herself. Which means-" Natasha switched to her right side to stretch, taking a pause as a jab at their eagerness.
“Natalia-" Bucky curled his lip as he rumbled his half-serious warning, he was not to be played with.
Natasha raised her arms above her head, closing her eyes as she stretched her back and the front of her neck. She could feel their gazes, she knew they were watching her like hawks, their eyes narrowing the longer she took to give them an answer.
“Her name is Y/N L/N. She is the owner of Sugar & Spice and she is the one who made the deliveries that first day that you caught her scent.” Natasha broke her silence.
When she had told them what they wanted to know, she lowered her arms from above her head and stretched them out in front of her, her fingertips grazing the soles of her shoes.
She didn't expect them to say anything in return, she hadn't even expected them to hang around.
She knew they'd be gone. And she was right.
“Welcome to Sugar & Spice. Do you need help finding anything today?” The woman behind the counter was small and petite with reddish-blonde hair that was braided and spun into a bun on her head.
Her blue eyes looked first at Steve and then at Bucky, eyebrows knit together slightly as she stood behind the counter, her natural scent of jasmine and rose was mixed with a permanent scent of teakwood. Between the scent mixing and the mark on her neck, Steve and Bucky were sure without a doubt that she was not their omega, but their omega was here and she was here today.
“We're looking for someone.” Bucky tread carefully to the counter, not wishing to scare the omega by two mated, yet unmated, alpha's presence.
“I’m sorry?” She first looked at Steve and then Bucky. “You’re looking for someone?”
Steve followed Bucky to the counter, peering at the display cases full of different sweets and confections, the skill and talent behind each one was certainly impressive. The only experience Steve had with any baked goods was when his mother had baked on occasion before she died, and that was very limited to the shortages during the great depression.
Even after he had the chance to learn, when he could’ve had the world at his fingertips, it had never truly interested him. Until now.
“Is Y/N L/N here?” Steve scoped out the display cases, moving from o the right, the mastery of the items within, the details and the work that had been put in was more than impressive.
“I’m sorry…what’s this?” Bucky point to a rose shaped item in the display case, and the woman behind the counter moved to where he was pointing.
“That's a baked apple rose.” The woman reached into the display racks and pulled one out for Bucky to see.
The baked apple rose was dusted in icing sugar, the white flakes making the already impressive baked dessert look like it was touched with frost. It was beautiful and intricate and he hadn't even known it was possible to make an apple look like so much like a rose while also making it look so damn good.
“They’re completely handmade. The puff pastry is made right in the bakery, and the apples are as locally cured as possible.” The woman handed one to Bucky on a small plate before she closed the display case .
“The owner makes all of these?” Steve got temporarily distracted from the task at hand as he marveled at how much was here, and how badly he wanted to try it all.
He was like a kid in a candy store.
“We all have our own little things we make but Y/N makes most of them.” The woman smiled at the two of them, her guard lowering at each passing moment.
“This is amazing!” Bucky finished the treat and wiped his hand on the front of his jeans, also being temporarily distracted by the food.
The moment their distraction was ended and the reality of why they were here was brought back into focus by the bell above the door ringing as it was opened. As it closed and the stomping of boots was heard on the carpet in front of the door, Steve and Bucky were hit head on by the freshest, largest wave of their omega's scent.
The new woman, the owner was their omega.
“Every time I think it can't rain anymore in New York, I’m mistaken.” You spoke without care that they were here, or maybe you hadn't been completely been aware that they were here.
But you were made aware of their presence as no ordinary alpha's when you had lift your head and locked eyes with Bucky first and then Steve. You gook a step back, clung to your jacket in front of you, your eyes widening at the sight of the two of them.
When Steve looked you over, took the brief chance he could get to look you over, the primal urge all alpha's got around their omega's to steal them away in safety until they had been marked was alive and well. He had the urge, had to fight the urge to throw you over his shoulder like a caveman and squirrel you away in their home until you were marked and mated.
Upon his second look at you, Steve was mystified by you. By every inch of you. He didn't understand why a woman like you had been single for as long as you were. He didn't know how a woman with captivating eyes, perfect lips and a body made to be touched in the most intimate way had been single; unmarked.
And yet, in the same thought Steve felt his alpha tendency to be protective and possessive had given him the urge to threaten any male, besides Bucky, who even sniffed in your direction.
You were theirs.
“What's going on?” You shift your left foot back, as if you were prepared to run.
“I'm Bucky and this is Steve, and we just want to talk to you.” Bucky was having the same problems as Steve, the same issue controlling his growing desire to act like a brute.
“We caught your scent on the delivery you made to Stark Tower…” Steve inched forward, like Bucky, trying not to startle your flight or fight response.
“No, no, no, no, no.” You shook your head wet hair flying into your face. “This cannot be happening. No.”
You ground your teeth as you started stalking toward the entrance to the employee’s side of the bakery, your head down and your, figurative, hackles up. You would’ve looked like a lioness on the warpath, backed into a corner with no where to go.
“Please can we just talk-" Bucky tried to go after you, tried to get you to stop walking away.
“No!” you spun on your heel, your omega teeth bared. “I don't want an alpha! I don't need an alpha! I know what you’re going to say before you say it and the answer is no!”
♡♡A/N: I tried my best crying 😢😭
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So uh Ik I never really post personal shit and you probably have no fuckin clue about whats up but I just wanted to vomit everything about the shit thata going on this post, so here on out I can post updates.
Sorry for massive text block ahead, unfortunately tumblr app sucks and I cant get a read more link in ;-;
Alright, let's start. My parents have been conservative christians their entire lives, I have been as well for the most part up until I was about 13 and figuring out I was some sort of queer. I had slowly been moving away from conservatisim, while still christian, as well at the time. Now this is a problem in itself, with incredibly alt right parents, but then I switched to homeschool. To be specific, Living Science Homestudies
Dear god, I could go on and on about the school, I could go on and on about the insane anti-science rhetoric, about the utterly sexist and homophobic Administration, about how they taught the students that the Earth was 6000 years old, that climate change was a lie. Gay marriage was a result of humankind sinning, the intense indoctrination that was going on in the school I remember the hour-long rants that we had to sit through about the world ending in a fiery Blaze about how homosexuality is a disease about how abortion is murder and evil about how God did more for women then feminism did for women
I could talk about the isolation that any non-religious or queer student faced while they were there all teachers in the head administrator is purposefully singled them out the devotions in biblical classes that we were forced to treat as a facts and we were graded on. there was an entire class based on this, it was called biblical worldview, you were graded on your opinion if it didn't match with what they wanted you failed
I'll probably make a more detailed post on this school, outlining the actual curriculum and work we had to do, but you get the point, this school is a cult and insane.
Combine everything together and you get really just a toxic enviroment to figuring out your identity in. I got in many arguments with my parents, slowly becoming more and more intense, until I finally came out, first as asexual, second as an atheist. My relationship with them is probably permanently damaged because of how theyve treated me because of this. They said terrible, awdul, things. I was completely rehected by them as these things. It just made their already poor treatment of me worse.
During the year and a half to two years that I was at Living science it was probably the worst time of my life I was arguing with my parents about politics and religion and sexuality and the entire time I was at this place where I was isolated for myself having to hear this insane rhetoric along with my completely destroyed mental health it was tough. After a lot of arguing with my parents I managed to convince them to let me go to therapy and get medication after a couple months supplements really, not medication to manage to get that front our relationship was still correct and term Euless but we were hanging in there until we started arguing more I started arguing with my family or incredibly homophobic and should most the same views as my parents and we got in a big argument while we were down in Florida I was my uncle called me so derogatory dehumanizing terms and my mom just went with it my dad didn't really do anything to stop it can't really remember all of it but I do remember being called basically second thing to bestiality or I don't know what I'm talkin about I'm too young to know what I'm talkin about it's disgusting and inhuman excetera oh, and I never really got over that it was definitely a turning point where I realized that it's not going to be I want used to be with my family and it never will again
It got to the point I was trying to figure out if I could self emancipate. they installed a stalker software on all of my devices and used it to control and view everything I did. they also did not allow me to have any social media he didn't allow me to talk to other people. basically at all and I had no privacy.
Our arguments I've been pretty bad and they had said some very awful things but it never got physical, until I was arguing with my mom over my friend I had used they pronouns because you are non-binary and she had gotten very mad at that and eventually I said Jesus Christ not everything is about you and she slapped me it was it hurt and but it didn't leave a mark, well I mean it left a mark but nothing that stayed and it was just I never thought she would do something like that and she didn't apologize either. she said I wasnt respecting her and I need to think about my role in it. then later it happens again. I was in an argument with my both of my parents about privacy and it was stupid and I shouldn't have done it but I took my Dad's laptop and I said I will trade the laptop to you when I get basic privacy of having password on my things, and he got very very mad at this so I went upstairs and my mom followed me into my room I said go away I don't want to talk to you and she kept trying to take it for me which was fair but I was mad and I wanted them to leave me alone because they had been constantly taking my stuff whenever they wanted, searching through everything deleting things didn't like any kind of art that they didn't like nothing nothing not-safe-for-work just rainbow things they would take any clothing of mine that they didn't like I was tired of it. and eventually I just got corned in the bathroom by her cuz I was trying to close the door and I wanted to be left alone so she got really mad at me and started screaming at me and she grabbed my throat and she like pushed me into the back after I tried to push her off me and took it for me after she shoved me into a wall. She never apologized after, I did for the second time she didn't. and now it happened again three days ago we were arguing over my school choice I was finally switching from my insane cult school, which I had been fighting for a very long time and she was telling me "how can I let you go there if they don't support our values how can I let you go" and I said "because I'm not you." We were yelling at this point because in the car we had been arguing over the same thing and we had stepped out into the garage she gets very very mad at this and she tries to shove me aside to get inside or something I don't know. I didn't move cuz normally when she shoves me I do but this time I was pissed at her and I didn't so she gets in my face and start shoving me so I push her back to make her stop and she gets incredibly mad at this so she starts shoving me backwards until I hit the wall and then she grabs me by my throat and hits me several times even though I'm telling her to stop, and she screaming in my face while.she does unt she screams FUCK YOU and stomps.pff. I was yelling at her the entire time were both yelling I have a couple marks and it hurts really badly so I try and grab my s*** and she still screams in my face that I'll never get what I want if I keep acting like this And just laughs that she's going to take my s*** forever so I'm just upset and I grab some food and I go upstairs. I grabbed my phone and a charger and I decide I'm walking to a friend's house he lives about six miles away and I had done it a couple times before during arguments when I just needed to get out I decided that was shity idea cuz I had nothing on me turn back around and came back home to pack some things my dad who my mom had been ranting to about late comes out to me and is telling me not to oh, I told him do you know what she f****** did? how can you support this and he jumps me and he says I support her 100% because she's my wife.
I'm just tired and pissed at this point and I pack some belongings and I'm like okay f*** you guys I'm leaving I'm going to somewhere where I can figure this out and try and leave. He doesn't want me to and he offers for my uncle for me to stay at my uncle's for a little while. I take it and eventually I come back Friday so that I can go to school, finally after missing for two weeks during the registration.
We havent talked about the incident at all, she eventually.tried to apologize, but she stated blaming me for it about a minute in, whenever I bring it up they tell me to just drop it and dont start anything.
the only good thing that has come out of this is that I'm finally switching and I'm going to be able to leave soon, theyre making me go to three hours of church per week, and I cant join gsa, but its worth it. I might even get my phone back (im using my dads old galaxy 3)
I talked to my therapist about this and she said she might be calling CPS she doesn't know.
I just wanted to give you a very slight backstory everything that's happening. they have been emotionally or psychologically abusing me for quite a few.years, I guess, but its gotten pretty extreme at this point. I have no idea what I'll do. I'll update next time something happens.
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