#its bad enough that they ruined my life

[fruitsofhell]

I dont understand why people choose to characterize Meta Knight as some aloof asshole character that's already so played out, when you can characterize him as the funniest autistic guy ever who had crippling social anxiety he tries desperately to beat back with a sword.

#kirby #meta knight #shut the heck up #sorry i just have brainworms and i love my take on meta #this is also not that far off from fanon i just still think its lame when people dont make their headcanons Silly enough #not as in they take the characters seriously. i take my loser meta very seriously. but hes still a clown. #my philosphy for character writing is that every character should have a level of tragedy to their character- #-that constantly borders on the cartoonish #youre laughing? mk has ruined his life multiple times by being so incredibly anxious and bad at communication that he looks like a fool?- #-and you think thats funny? #-yes.

[pansyfemme]

im having anxiety so bad right now that im overwhelmed by noise but quiet is making me so paranoid i cant not have my headphones in

#ive been venting on tumblr since day one of this account but this feels different now #i dont know where to go sometimes i dont want to wake up friends or therapists or parents or even really talk one on one #i just want to speak and people to read it i guess #but ive become really obsessive about being a bad person and its ruining my life lately #there was an incident at home that made me go back into this old thought process i have #and the roomate struggles have made it worse #i feel needy and constantly needing attention and validation and it makes me sick #i want to tell people i love them constantly because i need to but then i convince myself thats also bad that must be manipulation #everytime i dislike someone they must know it and hate me and find me disgusting #im like so tired of obsessions #of not being able to hear words i cant make out without becoming obsessive about how people must be talking about me #and i hate the aftershocks of shame of assuming im even important enough to be talked about #vent tw

[rox-of-iu]

me + mayhem going on a stupid silly hike for my stupid silly mental health

touched grass and i am normal again (lying)

#i will get back to drawing soon let me just sleep for a few years shdjhkfds #anyway photo credit to mayhem again i cant take pictures to save my life lol #btw the caption is obvs reference to that one hike video tiktok i think so credit to that also its not my joke #anywqay it was nice did help me a little bit #been feeling a bit down due to some personal problems ykno #and also due to not being accepted into a med uni I rly wanted to (but didn't put enough effort I'll confess) and that almost no one getsin #but i was only missing one point o(-( i was the first in line outside the capacity limit hasjkdhsahd #even tho my brain is rly small for it lets be real hfjsdfhksd but like hhsdjhshdjkhd those biches at physiotherapy baited me hdsjd #mqf i have failed you lol #also i have accidentaly gotten back into one piece as I do for like two weeks periodically every few months or so dhjsdhk #so im revisiting my olde blorbo trafalgar which is just reminding me of a fact that this was one of the fuckers my itty bitty young self - #- wanted to pursue medicine beacause of lmaoooo #bad timing one piece fixation!! bad bad!! sdhhdjshdjakshd #whatevrrr whatevr whatevr io dotn care! enough of that hahhskj #but hey as some of u may remeber im czech so haa whats up with the mountains right since we are very cute and 'down to earth' state hahaha #its cuz its actually from austria :)) #we went hiking there since theyre co by kamenem dohodil as they say #fuck english has the exactly same saying im moron that ruins my whole thing hjdsk 'a stone's throw away' whatever ignore that ig hahhah #so yeah very beautiful very powerful go touch some grass lads #also they are not stones throw away i was lying but close enough- #also random czechs stop jumpscaring me in other countries challenge why was there so many of us horrible horrible horrible

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[cinemacrypt]

Weeping sobbing shitting my dick WHY DID I MOVE IN WITH A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST

#mars says stuff #uggghhh itll be FINE #im just fed up with how she expects me to ve borderline professional and oh so considerate all the time #but she treats me like a dog/patient when im doing things right and like an grown evil mysoginist man when I fuck up #the fuckup in question was not cleaning the rug fast enough and the fact my friends didnt clean up after themselves #AND THE FACT SHE LITERALLY KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A NIGHT BC SHE 'needed breathing room' #AFTER I BROUGHT HER FOOD FROM MY MOM THAT SHE ASKED FOR!!! #AND SHE GOT OUR OTHER ROOMMATE TO DO IT BC SHES TOO MUCH OF AN UWU ANXIOUS GIRLY TO DO IT HERSELF #and for all our shared acquaintances their roles in HER life are always more importsnt than mine #and the way she gets so pissed when her mental health suggestions dont work for me/make things worse #like also YOU INVITED ME. TO LIVE WITH YOU. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND #we need to cocreate a life together instead of you just. adding me to yours and I need to fucking bend abd break to fit in #AND ALSO ITS FUCKING DEAD WEEK AND I HAVE A TEST TODAY AND SHE KNOWS THAT BUT DENIED IT LAST NIGHT #at least if things get bad enough I could ruin her fucking life if I need to #i wont. i still love her to death. but if she can kick me out with impunity I can get her fired

[trans-xianxian]

hmmmm I drafted an email to my boss abt how her text regarding my time off request after my mother's death made me feel very uncomfortable and how I felt like it was unprofessional should I send it

#obviously I did not go to sleep after that reblog kshdmudksb #anyway I want to but also like I work closely w her every day and I don't want to eternally feel uncomfortable because I confronted her #but at the same time like her text made me feel bad enough that it completely altered how I feel about my job #like I was going to come back next year and for summer camp but how she handled the whole thing just made me feel Bad #and like if in the future something else happens where I need extended time off she will be equally as not understanding #idk it just put a rlly bad taste in my mouth that she tried to make my co workers work life my responsibility during my time off #I feel like thats something she needs to be confronted about #but like. what outcome will that have other than making it uncomfortable to be around her for the foreseeable future #idk and also like. everyone else in my life including co workers has been so understanding and kind and compassionate #but even her My Condolences tm text was kind of cold and rude #and its like. okay maybe I'll calm down about this once I'm not In The Throws Of Grief but at the same time #I am in a very emotionally vulnerable place and someone intentionally took advantage of that to make me feel bad #thats kind of a big deal? #idk its just weird. she'd been so understanding until I actually needed something from her #I'd also sort of been getting the impression that she was growing tired of the whole broken foot thing #but I was hoping that that was just me projecting cuz I feel bad about not being helpful #now I am nawt so sure... #anyway this really sucks I really loved my work environment and then it was ruined with one (1) text #ghost posts #text

[mejomonster]

Enforcing boundaries has only been a positive since learning and practicing. Every relationship that’s good for my life remains good or gets even better, every relationship that’s hurt me either improves or falls away either way leaving a lot of relief and life just becomes a lot less stressful. If you worry you take care of others and forget yourself and don’t want to say no to people even when doing so would help you feel better, if you feel guilty a lot in life over a lot of things, i really think boundaries would help. i promise the good relationships in life will only continue to be good or become better, and the ones that hurt will stop and it will feel better in the long run. 

this article might help but there’s honestly a plethora of info, find explanations that are helpful for you

#rant #anxiety #i know maybe only 1 person will see this who might need it but really. if u do need it. try it #i used to feel guilty and hate myself for just ADMITTING to a friend i had a bad day instead of a good day #which was not healthy for me. and it also didn't help my friends. i THOUGHT it did (hiding pain from them) but friends WANT to know #how you really are and help you the way you help them. #honest communication and honest boundary setting go a LONG way to make good relationships a million times better #and make pained ones either stop hurting or stop being connections in ur life. #if a boundary ruins something then really that thing ruined is probably something that hurt you. #i had a situation with my mom of lifelong codependency. you know how it is lol. i had to go low/no contact #i decided eventually when i was strong enough to accept her anger or disowning me. that i'd set boundaries. #id decided i would NOT let her scream at me or hit me. if she did then i would NOT talk to her. #and it was scary. she did yell. and i had to enforce my boundaries and stop talking to her and not go to her house if she did. #but ultimately you know? she apologized to me. she wanted to be in my life badly enough to stop yelling at me. she has not yelled at me in #over 2 years now. she has not tried to guilt trip me (call me a selfish bitch/horrible person/accuse me of wanting her dead etc) in 1.5 year #because when she did start doing that i'd stop engaging and enforce my boundaries. im not talking to people who treat me that way. #it is absolutely mindboggling to me. that now i can call my mom and Actually ask for help. that i can feel even 70% certain #she wont say something so cruel i end up feeling suicidal. #its absolutely mindblowing i can call her for help now. i can rely on her and even somewhat trust her now. #i can say i love you on the phone and know i mean it now. know i don't hate her now. #because i Let myself hate her. i let myself hate the cruel things she did and i decided i wasn't #going to be in her life if she did them. and she decided she cared about me enough to Stop doing them. #it was also good for her. because back in my guilt state i felt she couldnt fend without me (i know i was wrong lol) #but when i stopped dropping everything for her? she learned to reach out to friends and form a support network #she learned to ask for help respectfully to people. to do things on her own that she could. to TALK to her other loved ones #when sad instead of bottling it until she wanted to die and yelling at others. she started some self work for her own mental health. #not because i told her or tried codependently to push her to help herself. no. she did it because the consequences of her actions happened. #she was cruel to her kid so her kid didn't let her be. and she wanted to be with her kid so she worked on changing. #shes still working on it but i am still honestly shocked. id been prepared to never see her again if it had to happen after boundaries. #i had abusive romantic relationships and. none of them would've changed to be better for me. they would've left me

[scoreplings]

lack of karmic justice in real life is so fucked up i should be able to hit people who’ve wronged me with my car

#and hit people who are still cool with people who wronged me while claiming to be my friends with a bike ! #seriously fucking sucks when someone tells you to your face that what someone did to you was messed up and they’re a bad person for it and #they’re so so sorry that happened. #and then stay friends with the person who did it. #like. you know what he did. you know how badly he hurt me. how do you look at him without getting sick like i do. #anyway. my bestfriend is dating him. and was horrified when i told him what happened and told me they’d break up because he wasn’t okay #being with someone who did that to me. and hurt me like that. #and its been a month and they’re still together. idk if he meant it and changed his mind or if he just said it in the moment to make me feel #better. but either way he knows he fucked up ig because i saw the two of them together today and tried to say hi to my friend #and he like went white and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. #i get it. he really cares about him and that can’t just go away when he finds out he hurt me. #but also i thought he cared about me enough to at least keep his word. shit hurts. #me & the guy who was shitty still work together too and i hate it because i cant go to work without being reminded of him i cant hang out wi #with my best friend without being reminded of him. we even went to the same college so id see him in between classes sometimes and just get #sick. i stopped showing up some days because i just couldn’t handle seeing him there and at work. #it feels like hes tainted every part of my life and i just cant get away from it. #moving halfway across the country in two months godbless and with any luck will never see him again #cuz hes planning on moving out of the state asap and hopefully will be gone by the time my year away is up #and i have other friends who aren’t close with him. it just really sucks that my best friend is his boyfriend. what the hell man. #it has been a little over 3 months and i still fall apart whenever i think about it too much it ruins my whole day. and he just gets to keep #living his life like nothing happened. its not fair.

[amerasdreams]

But of course I would never fall for the villain, no matter how charming or attractive he was.

I despised the main character bc she fell for him and I couldn't respect her after that. Even tho the whole thing was how he was so amazing at fooling everyone. I suppose I felt this bc I knew behind the scenes, I knew who he was.

#1st novel #character #im not even sure if its not just aesthetic attraction #im like dont u let your silly hormones fool u #and dont ever trust men #they only want 1 thing #why would you ruin your whole life for that #he doesnt love u #and . this was reinforced my my sister falling for a charming bad guy #manipulative #abusive #not good enough to take over the world #just a salesman #drug dealer #uggh #any good ones?? #ive seen inside the bad ones heads #no thank you

[amphitritebaby]

crazy rambling incoming

#i submitted my post botox survey yesterday and god. like im fucked. it was like list ur symptoms and what % theyve improved and every single #one is 0% #like its joever #and while yes i am happy that 1 its submitted and its over and now i can finally schedule a fucking meeting about sugery like. ahhhg i feel #like my symptoms Have improved in my head. like the oh its not actually that bad ur fine. (as i am typing this my symptoms are flaring up #when they normally dont lol) and like. im just so scared that i'll get to the doctors and theyll say well botox worked a lil bit. #but not a lot. so u can do more botox and extend this process #or u can get surgery which is faster but also SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE #and i'm absolutely Not complaining about having a choice obvs im very grateful that 1 my doctors are nice enough to not push me into the #more expensive option just because #and 2 im lucky that this isn't a more pressing issue #but god. with all of the ingrained self doubt and oh ur exagerating and the tough i out mentality i have #and with the fact that i'm not in Constant pain #its just in certain positions and stuff. i'm just so scared about having to make a choice between surgery and Not sugery because i Want #the surgery so bad if it fixes me but i just dont know if i have the confidence to say definitively Yes. I Want Surgery. when its such #an ENORMOUS financial burden on my parents. like a life-ruinning financial burden. #not like it would be life-ruining for my family #like we would be alright... just... i don't want to add that to their plate especially when they get all sad when i pay my own med bills #idk. anyways that was a huge rant and if u see me complaining about this on anon to my mutuals no u didnt

[willowchild]

I fucking hate being mentally ill. I hate how it ruins my life and affects others negatively.I wanna kill myself <3

#i HATE it and i HATE when it affects others. and it only affects the people i love most like .... #i have ocd lol. and i don't even tell them about how depressed i get bc I don't wanna hurt them #they don't deserve this shit #im not actually gonna kill myself unfortunately #lol me a few days ago: its bad enough ruining my own life i don't wanna ruin others! i was so right #anyway. people are dying kim! lol. the war stuff was so scary yesterday i was like is this it? nuclear time? when is the siren xoxo #it speaks

[nightfallsystem]

Tw vent in tags

#tw vent #tw self harm #vent #at any given moment im like ONE bad things away from cutting myself and five bad things away from trying to kms #i didnt find a rope this time ..... #i dont know if i can get one idk where and a sad looking teenage boy buying one rope may bring up suspicion #god i look and act so much like i girl i might as well just get rid of myself #i get misgendered constantly so i bleed out until it hurts close to enough as the misgendering hurts #tw suicide #somehow no matter how deep i cut it wont help #man this has been my only effective coping mechanism for.... 3 years now #but its. ruining my life. and messy that too #if im a girl ill slit my throat #if people keep seeing me as a girl ill cut deep so i can watch myself die #wow i bet theyd be like she was such a nice daughter #i cant cut rn.... gonna cry i need to i need #i hate lifeeeee #why m i alive #i shouldve died from that wound. i wish i did. i should of let myself bleed instead of bandaging it i wish it cut off circulation to my hand #i wish the overdose killed me #im young enough it should take less painkillers but no i had to puke everything up . #wow. im like this at just 14 huh. wow im not gonna make it #not that i care. i wasnt meant for this world #i cant cut all i can do is bite myself until i get a headache from how hard im biting #i do NOT wanna live another day #plzzzz i hope i get hit by a train #plz im praying on my downfall let me out of this misery plz<3 #i feel worse and worae everyday. nothing can save me now #nothing real it doesnt even matter #tw derealization

[adjectiveadjectiveadjective]

GOOGLE! tell me how to get this my future mother in law to buy basic necessities like Bread! Milk! Eggs! and Meat!

fuming in tags btw

#unlike her i eat more than a tiny bowls worth of bullshit for dinner #im FAT and GAY! #i need more than a shitty glass of wine and frozen peach slices #or that fucking dinner of LITERALLY A BAGEL??? #HELLO??? #i feel insane #im so hungry here and the worst part #the worst part???? #no fiber. none #I HAVE IBS!!!! I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THROW SOME KALE INTO THINGS OR ILL DIE!!!!! #im so hangry its ruining my fucking life #the fact that i cant reliably know that there will be enough eggs in the morning for me? it makes me. So Mad #this bitch is SO mean to my fiancee and she has the gall to act like shes not the bad guy #im sorry for the rant im just so mad #shes insane! INSANE!!! i cant believe it #eats like a snack and a half a day and then binges shit she got for us if she feels like we dont appreciate her enough #like we have tried to tell her shes got at the VERY LEAST disordered eating but with the amount of supplements shes taking? #the way she is so CLEARLY trudging about and napping to maintain the tiny amount of energy she has? #she has a problem and shes hurting other people with it im so ARRGH #i could keep going tbh #im just #im so angry #i just wish i could have food #food is one of the few things that genuinely makes me happy #she doesnt even have bread for pbj sandwiches #who the fuck does that #she only tells us shes eating if she deems it to be healthy food #oooh look at me and my seed bread its sooo yummy #SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP #im fucking out of tags fml

[arolesbianism]

Oh baby I've Kanoned unit swap Kohane even worse than than before how the hell am I supposed to explain this one without sounding like I'm losing my mind

#rat rambles #unit swap au #sekai posting #well I mean. I know the simple way to explain it #girlie has been dealing with rly bad insomnia for the past like 6 years and it's been ruining her life #but she never realized it wasnt normal so instead of doing like anything else she just gave herself a caffeine addiction #but yeah this ofc lead to very bad depression and worsened anxiety along with worsened physical health as well #so yeah her being more irritable is one of the many results of all of that #she doesn't outwardly express it super often but thats just her bottling it up and becoming more and more resentful of others #which ofc boils over and starts off the plot of their initial story as she goes radio silent and eventually snaps at an when confronted #which she immediately regrets and freaks out over for not the best reasons admittedly but its not like she doesnt care abt an #its complicated (and by that I mean mostly just bad but yknow mentally ill 13 year olds being online friends stuff) #things do get better for all involved but yeah kohane has to go through another bunch of breakdowns before akito finally convinced her to #consider the possibility that just maybe theres smth wrong with her health #once she fucking finally gets propper help and treatment things get much much better for her #but at the same time shes very much left in a state of oh god the past few years of my life sure went by and were like That #yknow that feeling when youve recovered enough to be able to grapple just how bad things used to be

[rockandrolldisgrace]

yeah but i really got fucked over by the people i told this abt loll

#some of yall might remember my vent posts and stuff and yeah this situation didnt end well for me #i could talk abt this for hours honestly this is so messed up #yknow ive been thinking how i never really tell my friends what i go through at home anymore bc i began to doubt myself #even tho i KNOW it all happened. They did abuse me. Still do. But some part of me thinks #that i just made this up or that it wasnt actually that bad. even though it was. it was so much fucking worse. and having to go through it #again and again and again. i have no words. sometimes my mind just goes blank bc i dont want to think abt this stuff. i just want it to be #over. #some part of me thinks that if i tell somebody im ruining my abusers lives. even though theyre the one ruining mine. nothing can harm them. #especially my words. they will never face consequences bc the system doesnt work. and i dont want to ruin their life. #i just want it to be over. #i just want to go on and live my life and leave this all behind and start anew. #im an awful person. i have younger siblings and this was the only reason i decided to go through with telling someone at school abt this. bc #i didnt want them to suffer like me. i knew what their mindless actions did to me. and to see my siblings go through that. #but my sister absolutely hates me for telling the school #she says shes ashamed to go there bc people know #she thinks i made it up for attention even though she literallywas there when they beat me. she was fucking there lmfao #im sorry if this is too much but i need to get this somewhere out. writing it down is not enough and i cant tell this at anyone #kill me💗 the only thing keeping me alive is dreaming. very corny i know. but fantasizing abt my far away future is the only thing making me #go on. thinking abt my life after this ends. but sometimes its not enough and i just spend all my time watching stuff or reading or whatever #just watching stuff abt lives totally different from my own. that helps me focus on something else for a while. sighhhhhh

[alchemiclee]

what if I made an application for people to fill out to become my potential partner that helps me move to canada fbdndnej i dont get how people just meet someone and they start dating. I feel like I need a whole application and review and interview process to try to choose the best candidate ?????? 😅

#i feel like this is probably the most aroace thing ive come up with #but when i only judge people as potential partners by their aura/energy and how it interacts with mine..... #baaically how i feel around someone. if im comfortable and we match well. that makes it hard to know what i want in a partner? #if that makes sense. making an application form and thinking about actual characteristics could help #then the interview judges their energies #getting into canada seems impossible for me because im useless and they dont want me but if i had a partner there #its super easy. no braincells need to die. but it would also be nice to have a life partner too that actually matches me you know #the two friends i live with are partners and im their 3rd wheel but they really want me to live with them #and i cam help their financial situation with working so we can have our own place but another income would also help #why is this so hard. why am i useless with no degree or skills to get a skilled job work visas require #why am i unlovable and undateable and cant just easily scoop up a partner to make it easier #my one friend is on disability so she cant marry her gf so they keep saying i just marry her and get in that way #i am a bad liar and would ruin it but also feel bad because they do want to marry and id ruin the chance if it actually came? #like if laws chnaged and my friend can be on disability and also marry or we got good enough jobs to support her without it? #ugh i hate this. i just want to escape my shitty family and living situation. help their living situation. and LIVE WITH NY FOUND FAMILY #the type found family ive wanted in my for.....my whole life. the thing thats been my life goal since i was a lonely depressed child #byt of course they have to be in canada and im in the US and they dont make it easy to move there at all #lee rant #lee rambles #words