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#its as if he's saying ' i know i'm a bad person for not wanting to help'
dirtybitfic · 2 days
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Lets get horny
chris x y/n
Contains- talking about sexual topics, smutt, kinks, dom-chris, bondage, blindfolds, choking, slapping, rough, orgasm control, dirty talk, degradation, breeding kink, daddy kink.
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y/n pov-
The guys decided to make a r-rated video and see how it goes and naturally they asked me to join them they said it was a "comfort" thing having me there when they talk about such topics.
I obviously said yes so right now we're parked in a spot and getting the camera ready.
i'm sitting in the back with nicks as he's going through the list of questions and topics well be talking about.
i've never been one to share my personal life on social media so i'm a bit stand offish with the video i'm about to be in but id do anything for them so here I am.
okay cameras set but y/n scoot closer to the middle so the camera can see you. matt says and I scoot closer touching legs with nick . I feel bad im so much in his space but it is what it is.
okay everyone ready nick asks and we all say yes.
Okay hey guys today were doing a rated r video since you all seemed to really want one nick says and we all nod along.
as you can see we have y/n here with us matt says looking back at me and I give an awkward smile and nod .
okay nick what's the first topic chris asks as he smiles a devious look on his face as he rubs his hands together.
okay umm first kiss stories well start if off a little chill he says
ill go first . okay I think I was like 15 and I was hanging out at the. park with some friends and I kissed a girl that was there and yeah thats it matt says as he smiles and looks at chris to go next
okay It was like 8th grade and I kissed a girl at our dance win the hallway and yeah that was my first kiss he says and then looks back at us .
I look at nick brows raised
I role my eyes as he smiles
okay fine ill go . I was a freshman in highschool and I went on a movie date with a kid who was literally 5'2 I shiver from the memory but yeah he kissed me
I look at nick waiting for him to answer
umm I think I was 17 and I went on my first date with a guy and he kissed me when he dropped me back off at home and yep thats it ... okay next topic .Ummm loosing our virginity
oh god I sigh as I lean my head back in embarrassment
ill go first I guess . It was senior year for me . it was very awkward chris says
I lost mine junior year also very awkward
I lost mine senior year
I internally scream as I know I have to answer now
I lost mine sophomore year
damn youngest out of all of us chris says smiling back at me and I cut my eyes and mouth "turn around" making him put his hands up in surrender and turn back around chuckling.
okay now well get into the juicy stuff , most embarrassing thing thats happened during sex he says with a laugh .
well there was one time a girl was riding me and I leaned forward at the same time as her and we but heads really hard and she started crying he says laughing
ooh awkward I say laughing a bit too.
there was one time a girl asked me to choke her and I gripped to tight and she choked cause I was pressing on her wind pipe
come on chris everyone knows you squeeze the sides not the middle I say rolling my eyes and smiling
okay ms choking expert he says looking back at me narrowing his eyes.
I shrug my shoulders
since you have so much to say lets hear yours he says tilting his head.
okay fine... there was one time a guy tried to talk dirty to me and I laughed right in his face
poor guy matt says and we all laugh
okay there was one time as guy hadn't uhh cleaned up the area well and I literally left cause I just couldn't do it nick says shaking his head.
I laugh damn nick
yeah yeah anyways next one this ones mostly for y/n cause its how many times has someone made you cum during sex and obviously its easier for guys then girls
I sigh as my face Gets red .
I look down at my hands as I mumble zero
sorry what I didnt hear you
I said zero
wait what ... never matt asks shocked
nope never I say as I get embarrassed
damn thats embarrassing for the guys you've been with chris says laughing .
okay now lets ask how many times have you two made someone cum
matt and Chris look at each other smiling
4 times I think matt answers shrugging
wait all in the same day I ask shocked .
yeah why he asks looking back at me smiling
oh nothing just wish it was that easy for me I say as I look out the window .
he nods his head in understanding as we all look in chris's direction
oh uhm I think 6 he says smirking after .
damn okay then well now we have some questions y/n wanna find a good one he asks and I say sure as I take the phone scrolling through trying to find a good one.
okay this one is bold but what's your kinks I read off as I look up .
I have a couple but ill say two ... chocking and... bondage but not like ropes just like belts and shit matt says turning a little red as he sighs and looks at chris .
ummm ill say a couple of mine , slapping, chocking uhhh breeding and daddy kink he answers confidently before looking back at us .
I try and hide the blush that creeps up o my face. I have a little crush on chris so hearing these things about him have me flustered and a little turned on.
nick you go first I say as I think through all my crazy ass kinks trying to think of the ones that won't be to crazy to admit.
okay uuh chocking, slapping and like dom and sub type thing he answers then looks at me .
hold up let me look through my list real quick .I say as I open my notes app
damn you got a whole list Chris asks a little shocked
yeah why is that a bad thing I ask a little nervous
no just didnt know people keep lists
well ... shit I don't know if I wanna out myself like this I say as I read through my list realizing most of them are a bit out there compared to theirs
nick looks over my shoulder whispering a damn making me smack him
girl you freaky the last one is crazyyy nick says as he chuckles.
now we have too know just read the chill ones matt says as he looks back at me
okay ummm... humiliation, impact play which is like slapping and whips and stuff , umm fuck thats the most chill one
they cant be that crazy chris says with raised brows as he looks back at me
oh don't be too sure about that nicks says and I smack his arm again.
okay fine ill say three more , choking , dom and sub and uhh cnc
wait what's cnc
umm consensual non consensual
hold up matt says as he looks up the definition
oh wow he says as he reads it and hands it to chris too read
oh ... so its like a submission type of thing
yeah I guess so idk I think its more liking the idea of playing out being forced even though its fully consensual
hmm okay I understand it better after you explained it like that
okayyy next one I say getting embarrassed . I look through the questions finding one I know will be juicy .
okay biggest sexual fantasy you have I read off as I look up waiting for one of them to answer
how about you go first this time matt says smiling back at me cocking his head to the side
nah last tike I checked this is you guys channel not mine y'all go first I sass back . I need to get a feel for how crazy there's are so I can narrow mine down to the best one to say out loud.
okay fine whatever i'll go nick says as he talks about his fantasy of someone overstimulation him which is very tame compared to all of mine.
okay mine would be like role playing as like a teacher or student or something like that Matt says as he looks at Chris waiting for him to answer.
okay mine is to have complete control over a girl like tying her up and going for hours until she's crying and begging me to stop chris says as he smirks .
my legs clench and I can feel a pulse start in between my thighs .
I gulp as they all turn to me waiting for me to answer
i... ummm I have a fantasy of being fucked by a guy in a ghost face mask I say as I get red and embarrassed
oh come on you have to have one more freaky than that chris says as he looks at me with a smirk
I mean I do but some of them I don't want to share to 6 million people I bite back making it obvious I don't want to share the other ones.
I know one of hers nicks says smiling and I slap his chest harder than I meant too
shut the fuck uuuup nick I say in a sing song voice showing my annoyance.
nah nick tell us chris says as he narrows his eyes at me like hes challenging me.
I sigh as I cover my face and sink lower in the seat
she has one of being tied down and blindfolded and being over stimulated and also..
I cu them off by slapping my hand over his mouth as he still says it into my hand but its muffled .
okay okay well stop chris says as he laughs and turns back around .
I take my hand off oh nicks mouth and he smiles wide before opening his mouth and the words fall out
being forced to crawl to a guy by a collar and chain he rushes out before scooting further away from me knowing im gonna beat his ass
both matt and chris eyes pop out of their head as they turn to me mouth open and brows raised
I read it in a book okay now turn the fuck around I say as I grab nicks arm and mouth "im gonna kill you"
he just smiles and goes to do the outro to the video.
once we finish we headed back to their house since I was sleeping over .
nick tells me hes gonna be in his room editing for a bit and I know that means he needs space and quiet so I decide to chill on the couch.
as im zoned out on my phone a hand grabs my shoulder making me jump .
I look back and see chris
he smiles at me and I return it
come with me he says as he holds out his hand
what why I say as I get up and take his hand
you'll see he says with a expression I cant place .
I gulp as I follow him to down the stairs and into his room.
he shuts the door and locks it making me even more nervous
so he says as he tilts his head and smirks
soo i question back as I stumble back as he steps closer
what did you think about the video he says as his hand comes up and traces my jaw
I gulp which makes him smile harder
it was fun I guess I-i don't know I stumble back again as he gets even closer .
mmm I know you liked it ... you wanna know why he asks as I smirk grows onto his face and his eyes sparkle with lust.
wh-why I question as my heartbeat accelerates
I saw the way you got red and your thighs clenched when I talked about all the things ive done
mm I hum as he closes the space between us so his front is flush with mine
his hand slides into my hair at the back as he pulls it tight making me look up at him
do I turn you on y/n he asks as he leans in closer our faces so close if I moved forward just an inch our lips would touch.
my face heats up as my knees buckle
I- uh I don't ... I cant even finish my sentence before he interrupts me
I think I do ...I think you want me just as much as I want you he says as he presses a soft kiss right under my ear making me whimper
am I right he whispers into my ear making me gulp.
I- y-yes I whisper . His hands moves to my neck squeezing a bit causing me to whimper .
He smiles as he walks me back until my legs hit the bed and I flop down on the edge .
He stands above me as I look up at him through my lashes.
here's what's gonna happen your gonna be a good girl and strip for me ... and then im gonna tie you up and use you . does that sound good ma
I whimper as I nod my head and start slipping my sweat shirt over my head then my shorts and underwear .
good now lay down he orders and I scoot myself further onto the bed and lay down.
He grabs my wrist as he ties my right arm to another one connected to something behind his bed frame then he switches to the other one doing the same thing.
I tug a bit too see how much movement I have which is little to none.
He moves to my legs and ties them so im spread out for him .
I whine from the way my limbs are tightening from the stretch which only makes him smile and chuckle.
fuck you look so hot tied up for me he groans as his hands roam my naked body until his hands move to my tits and he pinches and pulls my hard nipples making me gasp and arch off the bed. He continues groaning and adding a couple light slaps to my tits as he starts sucking on my neck leaving marks as he goes along.
Im a whimpering mess for him and ive never felt so alive. I never thought that video would lead to this but ive always wanted a man to do this too me and the man being chris makes me ten times wetter.
chris p-please I whine out in a begging tone wanting him to touch me where I need him most . I know I sound pathetic judging by the way he smirks into my neck .
what do you want baby he asks as he looks down at me .
a-anything just please I whimper as I look into his eyes.
he smiles before he moves to be in-between my thighs
fuck so wet for me he groans as he runs his fingers through my wetness making me gasp and buck into him .
his mouth all the sudden latched around my clit and he licks and sucks at the perfect pace that has me whining . He slips one finger into me and pumps it in and out making my legs tense and shake.
F-fuck chris I whine as I try and close my legs but remember they are tied and I physically cant close them.
he adds another finger and starts sucking on my clit sending my body into overdrive with how much pleasure im in.
f-fuck fuck oh-my I cry out as I shaking and gasping for air . Im so close and he can obviously tell by the way my body is trembling .
Come on slut cum all over my face he says before going right back to sucking and licking.
I scream his name as I reach my orgasm and my body goes tense in the restraints army legs shake .
thats it such a good girl he praises as I come down from the high . His fingers are still pumping in and out .
Im trying to catch my breathe as he comes back up and hovers over me placing kisses and bites on my neck and chest . He curls his fingers to perfectly hit the spot that drives me crazy.
C-chris wait I he cuts me off
You're gonna take it. I know you can he says in a deep gravely voice that makes me even more wet.
im whimpering and breathing heavy as I feel pressure build and squelching sounds can be heard signaling i'm going to squirt.
f-fuck oh-my god chris I cry out as I feel my juices spray out of me all over the bed, his hand and my legs.
he pulls out his fingers and grabs my throat as he brings me into a deep needy kiss.
I knew you'd look pretty when you cum and before I even have the chance to comprehend what he just said my legs are untied and i'm flipped over onto my knees and back arched. My arms are uncomfortably crossed over each other pulled tightly by the restraints.
I hear clothes rustling and it only takes a second before the bed behind me dips and I feel his body right behind me.
His hand comes down on my ass making me gasp .
you like that don't you he says in a dark tone with a bit of amusement mixed in.
he slaps harder
I said don't you he waits for me to answer
y-yes I l-like it in stutter out
good girl using your words he whispers in my ear before I feel him rub his tip along my folds making me whimper .
My breathe is taken away as he slides into me so deep that all I can do is cry out .
He stays still for a second stoking my back sweetly before his hand grabs my hair tightly and he starts slamming into me relentlessly.
C-CHRIS OH MY
I scream out as he somehow thrusts more rough than before.
I’m moaning and shaking as he continues slamming into me with such force my wrist burn from the restrains and how they continue tightening with each movement.
Just a good girl taking my dick so deep
He says to me as he lets go of my head and it drops on-top of my arms
Fuck fuck IM GONNA CUM I cry out as my legs start to shake and my arms tense
Not until you beg me for it
He says as he grabs my hips and angles my back so he hits even deeper making me to struggle to get any words out.
p- fuck please can I cum please I whine out holding my orgasm back painfully.
mmm no I think you can do better than that he says as he continues his rough deep thrusts
my legs are shaking and im gasping trying do get the words out
PLEASE FUCK PLEASE DADDY CAN I CUM PLEASE I scream out praying to god he'll finally let me.
fuck yeah you can cum he groans out and I immediately break as I cum harder than I ever have before . I scream out as i'm coming down and legs continue shaking .
such a good girl for me he groans as he slows his pace down giving me a moment to rest.
He pulls out and flips me onto my back as he stares down at me .
god you're beautiful he says as he slides back in .
I blush as I continue looking into his eyes.
he comes down to kiss me and he starts pounding into me again . I try my best to continue the kiss but fail when he lefts my legs onto his shoulders and hits my spot repeatedly .
f-fuck oh my god I moan as his hand comes down to my lower stomach where he's bulging inside me .
yeah you feel how deep I am he groans as he smirks down at my face morphed into full pleasure.
mhm fu-fuck im gonna I cry out but cit myself off as my juices squirt out all over him and the bed below.
fu-fuck he groans in pleasure as he watches me squirm and whimper.
my legs shake on his shoulders as I start to become very overstimulated.
c-chris I c-cant I whine as I try and move my arms to push him away but fail.
come on baby you can give me one more I know you can he says in a deep sweet tone as he strokes my hair.
mmm o-okay I whimper out as he does my legs and lowers his body flush with mine and his arms wrap around and under me lifting my lower half up just a little .
he starts pounding into me rough again and his thrusts get sloppier telling me hes close too.
fuck your gonna be a good girl and cum with me he groans into my ear and I whimper and shake my head in response .
my legs start trembling around his waist and my whole body starts twitching the closer I get to my final orgasm .
All that can be heard is skin slapping and my heavy breathing mixed with his deep groans.
he groans loudly into my ear bringing me even closer to my orgasm.
fuck come on ma cum for me he groans and I do just that .
he thrusts a couple more times before he fills me up and his body drops onto mine as we breathe heavy .
Jesus I say as im still catching my breathe and he comes up and invites my arms and I sigh in relief and I stretch them .
he goes to the bathroom to grab a towel and then cleans me off .
that was... the best sex ive ever had he says smiling down at me
yeah same I say as I laugh a little .
can I tell you something he asks as he looks at me with a slightly worried expression.
yeah of course I say as I sit up and give him my full attention.
ive wanted to that for so long like ... ive liked you for a while I just was to scared to tell you he says as his face gets a bit red from embarrassment .
chris... i've liked you for a while too I just didn't want to scare you away I say as my face gets red and I cant help but smile.
he brings me into a tight hug making me laugh and he laughs too .
you free Saturday he ask and I look at him
yes why
cause we're going on a date he says with a big smile on his face.
we lay down and get comfortable and drift off to sleep.
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stickthisbig · 5 hours
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Look it was a really fuckin rough day and internet drama is what is keeping me afloat so here's some bullshit about Watcher
I don't want to talk about creative decisions. Creators deserve to be paid and TV costs a lot of money, and whether you think a TV model makes sense and reflects the brand's appeal is ultimately a matter of taste.
I want to talk about how much this fuckin thing costs.
If you are going to make a venture like this survive, you must aim at the money. I am the money. I'm financially independent and old enough to have kids who watch the show but have no income, I am a long-time BFU/Watcher fan who's splashed out for merch and a live show, and I've subbed to multiple similar services (RIP Alpha). I am the boring adult that you must convince, because I am the one who can pay for this without a second thought. You will not make it through this on the empty promises of children.
The closest comp to Watcher is not Dropout; it's Nebula. And trust me on this- they would prefer you to compare it to Dropout, because of how much better it makes them look. Compared on full prices (because you can almost always get a discount), Nebula costs half of what Watcher does, for a much, much larger catalog. I am a huge fan of Nebula. I've watched hundreds of hours on Nebula, because there is loads of varied content from creators who have expressed exactly the same wishes for creative freedom as the Watcher team.
And honestly, if we are gonna talk about comparisons to Dropout, you're never gonna be able to watch BFU on this service, so it's apples to oranges anyway.
I am certain that they will make more money percentage-wise through this service. It's not on me to care about their yield from youtube vs a dedicated streaming service vs a partnered streaming deal. That's not my job; I'm not their accountant or their dad. It's on me to look at value for money. I am not a charity, and when you put yourself up as a commodity, I'm gonna kick the tires and leave if I don't like the price.
I'm not going to pay $60 for this, or $42, or $6/month, because it's a bad value on my end. It is less content for more money. $30 still would have been too high, but there was a price point where I, the person with the intersection of money and interest, would have said yes. That is the trade-off: you can wait around forever for somebody to spend $60 and end up with $0, or you can get three people who balked in for $20 each and end up with $60.
Look, we're all friends here, we know the Watcher crew is not so damn dumb that they didn't look into joining an existing streaming service. It's not a fuckin grand revelation that there were potentially other options, and obviously they must have thought about this for longer than ten minutes. But when your service is MUCH more expensive than its closest comparison (Nebula) and the same price as the well-established competitor you'd like to be compared to (Dropout), why on god's green earth would you think I would buy it if I was anything short of obsessed? Where is your growth plan? How is this sustainable? The absolute best plan for me is to wait until the next series of Ghost Files is over, pay $6 to watch the whole series, then cancel again.
Also you're fuckin leaving money on the table by not having delayed VOD on youtube but at this point, that's none of my business.
If it's worth $60 to you and you've got the money, you do what's right for you. But I'm out. No hard feelings! But also no $60.
(Also I do think 100% saying that the back catalog will stay on youtube is a walkback and not what he said in the video, so like, watch that)
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dnftopia · 23 hours
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dnf + guilty as sin lyric analysis (delusional version)
I was validated by 1 anon so Now i need to do this. Its very crazy (WARNING!)
My boredom's blown deep This cage was once just fine Am I allowed to cry?
this part is soooo pre-meetup dnf. "my boredom's blown deep / this cage was once just fine" reflects so much on both of them -- dream having to watch all his friends meet george from across the world while being stuck in his house for years, and george being bored in london while also barely leaving his flat.
their cage was "once just fine" because we know that before they realized that they wanted to live together and just wanted george to visit, they were fine being across an ocean. But once the visa application started they expressed pretty clearly how much it affected their mental health to be apart from each other -- hence "am i allowed to cry"
I dream of cracking locks Throwing my life to the Wolves or the ocean rocks Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox I'm seeing visions, never mad or bad or wise
"i dream of cracking locks" might as well be a metaphor for the visa aka their lock to the door keeping them apart. and "throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks" is clearly a metaphor for controversy or the general public (the wolves). at the same time dnf are apart they're also becoming increasingly famous, dealing with newfound controversy and criticism.
"crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox" -- use of the word paradox makes me feel like there's some differing use in the meaning of the word "crashing". like the painful feeling of crashing against ocean rocks (controversy) versus crashing against him being comforting (dnf relying on each other for support and love). and "i'm seeing visions" -- wanting to be with each other sooo badly it encroaches on both their waking thoughts and their dreams
What if he's written mine on my upper thigh only in my mind One slip and falling back into the hedge maze Oh what a way to die
this is pretty clearly a "what if my feelings are unrequited" type thing to me. what if i'm his but he doesn't see me as his? one slip (i.e. a slip of the tongue revealing too much of their inner feelings) could ruin everything. Which like. in any friends to lovers relationship i feel that's a very real fear
I keep recalling things we never did Messy top lip kiss
do i have to say anyhting for this one WE KNOW DREAM THOUGHT ABOUT KISSING GEORGE. MULTIPLE TIMES
How I long for our tryst Without ever touching his skin How can I be guilty as sin?
yeahhh more pre-meetup dnf longing for their eventual meeting. without ever meeting each other, and without george ever seeing dream's face, somehow they still want each other
I keep thesе belongings locked In lower casе inside a vault Someone told me, "There's no such thing as bad fights, only your actions talk" These fatal fantasies given way to labored breath taking all of me
they keep their feelings locked up Ohh my dnfies. "there's no such thing as bad fights, only your actions talk" is like an actions matter more than words thing or alternatively could be flipping the saying "keep fighting the good fight" on its head a bit. again "fatal fantasies" of what could be post-meetup consume both of them so fully it's difficult to focus on anything else
We've already done it in my head If it's make believe Why does it feel like a vow? We'll fold apart somehow
THIS ONEEE. "we've already done it in my head ... / why does it feel like a vow?" Like come on. we know dnf have had many conversations about their future together and they're both fully committed to staying together as long as they can. the question for them is whether the other person feels that platonically or romantically
My bed sheets are a blaze I screamed his name Building up like waves crashing over my grave Without ever touching his skin How can I be guilty as sin?
Yeahh. dont need to go into detail on this one because we all get it. #DNFESEX!
What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyway
aside from the Dresus comparisons. "rolling the stone away" in the context of christianity symbolizes rebirth and an intrinsic change. To me it could be seen as a metaphor for coming out publicly . "they're gonna crucify me anyway" -- we literally saw this happen with dream in real time. he doesn't come out and he's accused of queerbaiting, he comes out and people invalidate him and call him names LIKE. This hurts me
What if the way you hold is actually what's holy? If long suffering propriety is what they want from me They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly I choose you and me, religiously
even if they face vitriol and public scrutiny DNF WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE EACH OTHER TO THE POINT OF RELIGION!
Thats it the end. Thanks for reading peace and love Please support me and my crazyisms
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emo-trash88 · 1 day
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hiya ! its 🦈 anon
Could I req the male reader x drunk stone but instead its switched? ((oneshot, btw)) stone having to take care of drunk reader 💀
take your time + no pressure! have a good day/noon/evening :)
- 🦈 anon
Yay, I missed youuu! And yes ofc I would love to do that! Also sorry this took so long to post 😭😭
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Alcohol Tastes Better Than Tears
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Stone x Drunk! Reader
Pronouns: second person, gender neutral
Word count: 575
Tw: Alcohol, vomit
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Today sucks. In fact, you've had a terrible day. First you blow the whole robbery on your own, and then you can't even steal an apple to make your friends feel remotely better about how horrible you've done. You've given up on being good at anything at this point.
You look down at your hand, staring at the bottle Stone handed you after the heist. You think he just felt bad and wanted to do something nice? But it honestly made you just feel worse. You feel so terrible that not even alcohol could fix it. Well it wouldn't hurt to try you think to yourself and before you know it you're putting the bottle up to the lips and taking a small sip.
That one sip turned into 2 sips, then 3 sips, then 4. Then that turned into you barely holding an empty bottle and trying to prop yourself up on the wall of whatever building you were next to. Your eyes flutter shut softly, as exhaustion hits you like a fright train with a vendetta.
You wake up to the clatter of a bottle and a male voice going "God...what the hell happened to you?". You force your eyes open and lay your eyes upon...an emo? "Whaa~...?" You say, trying to sit up more properly. All you hear in return is a sigh and a crisp "You're drunk". The man leans down to try to help you up before you push him away. "I dont evin know u" You say, your words slurring very aggressively.
"Oh god...my names Stone, we're...friends." He says, the worst friends looking like it's paining him to say, "I'm taking you back to the others".
That led to him trying to lift you up even slightly, which sounded almost completely impossible because your entire body felt like it was filled with lead. But eventually after you almost falling on your ass several times, he was finally able to force you up and being semi able to walk.
"I feel gross..." You say, leaning against Stone as he leads you through the streets. You hadn't even realized it got this dark. "Please don't vomit on me." He says, and almost on cue, you bed over and vomit. "Bloody hell..." He says, trying to prop you upright and continue to drag you away.
After about an hour of him dragging you after you vomiting (because he has the body strength of a malnourished owl) you both finally reach the alleyway, where he essentially drops you on the ground and you immediately pass out. As he grabs a nearby rag and places it on you, Vinnie leans against a wall. "Stone, is that really a good way to treat your crush?" She says smirking to herself.
He glares at her aggressively before speaking "They're not my crush." he says angrily. He stands upright and looks at her. "I'm just teasing, make sure you don't stay up late lovebirds." she says, the last part barely audible and then walks away.
He sighs and sits down next to your unconscious body, glancing down at you to make sure you're still breathing. Maybe...maybe I should tell them he thinks to himself before looking at the ground and noticing, something on his shoes. "IS THAT FUCKING VOMIT!"
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Idk if this is any good, but I hope it is 😭
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xerith-42 · 2 days
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Hey guyyyys!! I'm baaack with a fresh batch of Laurance angst brought to you by "I really like this random design detail and will try my damnedest to make it make sense." The design detail in question is heterochromia!
Today's programming involves discussion of torture and probably some body horror
So, I'm a big believer in heterochromatic Laurance. It's just real to me. Because honestly both of his very distinct looks are serving cunt in very distinct Laurance Zvahl ways. I have a preference for his original appearance because I have a few bones to pick with Jessica's design decisions, but the pale blue and even blind eyes fit Laurance really well.
In a separate iteration of Laurance I made him lose one of his eyes before the rebirth process, so his heterochromia was unrelated to the whole pseudo-zombie thing. But in MCD... Well... Everything comes back to Shadow Knights.
Little Larry has beautiful emerald green eyes that then get utterly destroyed by the cruelness of the hell he willingly threw himself into to save those he loves. And uhhh, Laurance in canon says he was tortured down there. So let's get into that, shall we? Now, a thing about torture methods is that there's a lot of them, they're really easy to come up with if you have even a slightly sadistic mindset, and they are often focused. Most people who frequently engage in torture chose one field of the body to focus on.
Now let's look at Gene. Obviously for his magical and psychological torture, his focus is on the mind. But what about his physical methods? Obviously Gene gets his kicks out of people in pain, yet I think his real focus is when it gets personal. When someone isn't just in pain, but they are crying, shaking, writhing in agony while staring up at him cursing his bloodline. The eyes are the window into the mind and they say so much that the mouth can't when words fail or are restricted.
Gene focuses on eyes. He remembers them. They haunt him. When he's learning how to break people, he learns how to use their very sense of sight against them. It's already what he knows how to do with his magic and extreme gaslighting tactics. If he has a focus, if he has a piece of information he needs, and he has a target, then he'll focus on the eyes. If he, for example, thinks that Laurance has more information on either realm barriers or Aphmau, who is quickly becoming a point of interest for the Shadow King, then he'll have a reason.
But he can't possibly permanently ruin both of Laurance's eyes. He still needs another for at least semi-proper comprehension of how fucked he is. Gene doesn't need more than one eye. And I like to characterize Gene as a bit of a mad scientist, testing out his magic and Shadow Knight powers in extreme and unhinged ways.
Who knows what he did to Laurance's eye, what happened when he destroyed it and regenerative powers brought it back over and over. What effects traversing between realms had on whatever the fuck Gene did to make it so bad it didn't even resemble his original eye color.
Irene's blessing is able to mitigate the damage on his other eye, the one that was only blinded by realm travel, and bring it almost back to its original state. A pale sage color that has partial but still restricted vision. Laurance is grateful for what little eyesight he has. His other eye, the one Gene targeted... It doesn't come back. After the realm barrier blinded it, there was no undoing the damage anymore. It remains a cloudy pale blue, scars running across the skin around it and through his retinas.
I want to make it clear that Laurance isn't ashamed of this. He doesn't try to hide his eye, but he is cagey to answer questions about it. Most people are smart enough not to question, and he'll open up to the people he cares about (ie Garroth and Aphmau) when he's ready. I have a whole arc related to his blindness that's a whole side blog post I'm working on, but Laurance doesn't forsake the sight he has and he also doesn't lament what he's lost.
"Cad[endza] and Aphmau keep saying they want to bring my sight back. [I] know they mean well but... I can't tell them what happened. I don't think either one of them could take it. Garroth might be able to, but I don't think either of us trust each other enough for that conversation yet. I don't need my eyesight back, and I don't need anyone to fix my left eye. If they knew what that monster did, they would be grateful I have an eye to be blinded.
He doesn't encourage anyone to try and bring it back, and he might even get upset if they're too insistent about it. He's not exactly eager for another magic user to get their hands too close to an already severely damaged eye. He might not say it out loud to someone, but... [blinks my gay little eyes] There's a page in his journal that reads--
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tubbytarchia · 8 hours
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Jimmy X Life thoughts
This is long (ft. fWhip and Scott and Joel)
TLDR: its all kinda cute but then devolves into Jimmy misery anyway even though he has done nothing
Jimmy's really cute builds??? to lure you in
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Obligatory: I only talk about characters
X Life is a goddamn fever dream lol, following are some jumbled thoughts that I've divided into "Jimmy", ""fWhip and Joel", "Jeremyism" and "Scott" thoughts (all in relation to Jimmy). Shoutout to my friend for liveblogging and discussing together with me and pointing out some stuff I missed or better than I could
-- Jimmy thoughts
Jimmy's actually relatively happy within this series, at least at the beginning, and there is no significant "bullying Jimmy" kind of culture thing in place here, even though chronologically this series came after and partially ran at the same time as Legacy where it was very prevelant. They even hold a 100K milestone ceremony for him and it's very cute. Namely though fWhip and Joel treat him very nicely, he even has many really cute interactions with Scott!! I'm not gonna talk about shipping past this one statement but as someone who hasn't liked fWhimmy till now and finds Flower Husbands really interesting but not always healthy, it was... Really relieving to see both of those duos be really cute for me personally. But in spite of this there's still, sigh, a lot of Jimmisery...
Pretty early on, he decides on this thing "Whoever is nice to me gets a stack of diamonds" like, my sweet cheese.... You don't need to give people so much just for being nice to you.... your bank account is in constant ruin!! Lizzie also mods in coffee stuff specifically for him and Jimmy proclaims that any profits he makes from his coffee shops he will split with Lizzie as a thanks... he's so sweet stop it
Near the beginning he's way more assertive than I've grown used to. There's a point where Scott is waiting for him and he can SEE Scott in the distance but then just strolls the shopping district while Scott tells him to hurry up only for Jimmy to mostly ignore him. Another exchange between them goes S: "did I say you could use my villager?" and Jimmy replying "Did I say you could bring me a crab that'd then kill me? Didn't THINK SOOOO!!!". There's so many moments like this and it's so... it's so awesome to see. What changed.... Why can't there be more of this...
But then at some point he starts being harsh towards himself? He starts to call himself an idiot and starts proclaiming "I hate myself" for the most understandable little mishaps and things like?? Son?? He figures out how to make his advertisement poster bigger like everyone else's is and then when he does quickly figure it out all on his own he goes "I hate myself, I really do" WHAT'S THAT FOR. WHAT'S THAT FOR JIMMY!!!! Another moment to point out, Lizzie doing a friendship test thing and she already has pictures of 3 contestants. She calls Jimmy over for him to try and qualify, and when he sees the pictures he says that those look like smart people and he doesn't think he'll make it...
This isn't exclusive to X Life but him building stuff and calling it lovely and being easily excited at discovering the most basic building tricks, but then as soon as someone else is in the picture he immediately starts downplaying himself and calling his building bad...
At some point there's a war that Jimmy really wants to avoid but he gets roped into it by Jack blowing up Peekay's house (totally obliterated that thing) and framing Jimmy for it. Later when there's a confrontation, both he and Peekay clearly know it was Jack, but they fault Jimmy anyway, saying he's escalating things when he's just like. Standing there. Jimmy even ends up asking "what can I do for you to forgive me, for something I didn't do" like no stand your ground man!! You didn't do anything!! Man.... In the end he ends up rebuilding stuff for Jack (why Jack??? I dont know) and when Jack is the first person out of the series, in his Will he stated something along the lines of "I want Jimmy executed because he did a bad job rebuilding my things". And then Jimmy gets set on fire as everyone watches him burn to death. He didn't do anything!!!!!
There's a therapy session after this in which, when Gem asks him to open up, all he says is "Yesterday I woke up and was taken advantage of, that is all"
I think it's Peekay (could be wrong) who also utterly doused Jimmy's house in water as a prank but it... was awful lol. Jimmy's house ended up with lots of holes but at least he was all "I was gonna rebuild anyway". That peeved me so much though... For comparision, Scott pulled a prank on Jimmy where he rebuilt one of his rooms upside down (so kind of moved his furniture to the ceiling) but that's high effort and funny and causes less damage so that's all fair in my books. Good prank. The water dousing was not
He and Scott had a brief prank exchange, but the ONLY thing I can think of where Jimmy was knowingly, unjustifiably in the wrong, was when he cheated on an auction by bidding on a painting after the auction had closed. And even that is such a small offense!! Genuinely all the misery he was caused was just him being caught in the crossfire of other people's shit and it's... ough I don't want to say "he has never done anything wrong" because he totally has but BARELY. Why is it always like this... Hardly ever does he do anything that warrants the things that happen to him
Jimmy's also pretty if not really nice to the mobs, vanilla and modded. In his and Scott's shelter business, he brought in a hostile mob twice with the justification "hostile mobs deserve a home too!!" </3 dawh. He'd make mobs nice enclosures... But then he fucking HATES chickens. He kills them like nothing. Proclaims "I'll enjoy every second of this". Goes "I'll kill only a few of you..." and then kills 10 of them. Violently and instantly kills one stray chicken that escaped his enclosure as Lizzie watches on in horror with the two pandas she just helped bring over. It's kind of insane?? Why.... You're a rancher at heart, what's with the chicken slaughter.... My friend pointed to him canonically being compared to a chicken once. Do with that what you will. Oh also when he came dead last in a race, his immediate reaction upon finishing was to brutally kill his horse?????????? Jimmy??????????????????????????
ALSO he's a good builder?? A lot of people have expressed that Jimmy's building skills have been getting better but I beg to differ, his builds in this series are all really charming and cute? They're not very detailed but they're simplistic and I love it, he obviously has an eye for pleasant looking builds and I'm so SO sad we don't see this too much anymore... There's also a cute moment where he builds a roof out of dirt, says he'll replace it later but apparently his commenters really liked it so he kept it... That's so Jimmy....
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-- fWhip and Joel thoughts in relation to Jimmy
fWhip especially is almost (we'll get to that) undingly nice to Jimmy here, and I even felt bad for him in several instances related to Jimmy. Joel is more softspoken as he was in general 3 years ago, and was also almost (we'll get to that) totally nice to Jimmy. At some point they do a horse race and Jimmy comes in dead last but both he and fWhip cheer him on anyway. Joel says "well done Jimmy you nerd" but it's Joel so that counts as him being nice and awesome. It's also very cute that he was partially presenting Jimmy's 100K milestone ceremony, even if it was basically just him calling Jimmy a "wonderful creature" after, to quote my friend, almost vomiting on stage. But it's Joel so it counts
Joel also builds something for Jimmy at some point but whilst they're discussing what it should be like, they land on the word "broken" and Joel goes "broken, like you" and Jimmy replies "broken, like me" like????? Help me this was so early too. That came from NOWHERE. What????? Joel was nice otherwise though... except for one other moment
All three of them create a building business and do acknowledge and agree that Jimmy's not doing the hardest part (building) and doesn't get as much of the profit, seeing as he's just the receptionist. It's still a mostly happy businessship though. They get two bad reviews (from Scott and Peekay) because of Jimmy but all three of them in both instances ultimately agree that Jimmy wasn't at fault. Stuff like Joel taking down a bad review left on a sign saying "the customer isn't always right". Jimmy catches wind of a rumor at some point that he's being fired and when the awaited meeting happens, fWhip and Joel name him receptionist of the month instead, praising him for his hard work in advertising for the business and also making lots and lots of coffee (he's the only one who can even operate the coffee machine lmao. He's really proud of it too, it's very cute. He even keeps bringing it up in an effort for the other two to recognise his value before he gets the news he's anticipating). Jimmy even says "I'm glad that, yknow, you're seeing it. Cus sometimes. yknow. it's really hard for me to feel.. useful. like you guys are building spectacular things and I'm. I'm trying my best." he's genuinely so, so happy and sounds like he's on the brink of tears (claims to be as well)
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BUT SIKE PLOT TWIST because I hate myself I went to skim Joel's POV too and he and fWhip actually spoke to one of the other members about Jimmy being a bad receptionist, all "it's Jimmy, you know...". fWhip enforces this and Joel even says "Not to pass blame onto Jimmy but it's all his fault" after which the firing rumor starts to spread. And as far as I could tell, it's forever left ambiguous if they were genuine to any degree when they named him receptionist of the month and this will now keep me up at night. Did they genuinely think Jimmy was at fault in spite of encouraging him that he wasn't? Did they do what they did just to make Jimmy happy even if they believed him to be at fault? Or were they talking shit that one time for no reason...
Joel makes this religion "Jeremyism" to spite Scott (for renaming a bunch of his pets) which Jimmy is the first person to join and is pretty much undyingly devoted to till the very end in spite of the fever dream that spirals from it by the end...
Ignoring that one incident of Joel and fWhip bad-mouthing Jimmy, fWhip was very nice to him, throughout Jimmy's POV at least. I'd like to especially draw attention to fWhip trusting Jimmy to show some other members how to build some houses, like, awgh,,, finally some Jimmy building ability recognition!!! Good for you fWhip!!! They almost exclusively talked in relation to businesses though and at some point made a deal with Jimmy to join Jeremyism if Jimmy would come and basically just hang out with him in the jungle or go on a little adventure. This never happened though
Joel ends up giving up his position as the Jeremyism leader "for content" (??) to anyone who can complete his death obstacle course. Jimmy does, though unfairly by accident (Joel said it was fine though), but finds at the very end of it that someone has already reached this point before him, and of course it was Scott... Scott turns Jeremyism into a proper cult by enforcing rigid rules, his leadership and word, stating that you have to die in order to leave the cult, and his right hand Lizzie demands diamonds as offerings (none of this was a thing before). None of the members seem to be fans, but Joel and Jimmy especially voice and show discomfort, though Jimmy still quickly offers up his diamonds. fWhip fucking burns himself right there thus leaving the cult (king shit) and when he comes to the window from the outside to wave at them, Jimmy is quick to call him a "traitor" and tries to block the view with blocks (this is where I feel for fWhip who has been nothing but nice to Jimmy from Jimmy's POV). Joel makes pathetic attempts at killing Scott with an anvil (fails) and then killing himself (fails)
Gem and Kath put on a therapy session at some point which Jack, fWhip and Jimmy attend. Jimmy states not to want to talk to fWhip (which again hurts) and fWhip makes a subtle jab at Jimmy for never spending time with him in his jungle like he'd promised (totally justified). Jack also hits Jimmy for being part of Jeremyism right at the start, but then when he's jokingly drowning, Jimmy saves him, and he goes "you saved me!! :D". At the end, Jimmy tries to shoot bubbles (not damaging but a nuisance) at fWhip from a distance, at which fWhip starts to run at him to try to lasso him (lassoing a player puts them in a glitchy noclip dimension which they need to relog to get out of). They run around for awhile, fWhip eventually succeeds, Jimmy relogs and then Jack fucking murders fWhip. And then says "I did it for you" to Jimmy. Which, ok. Fast progression, a little insane... fWhip comes back and claims to feel great though. Jimmy pretty much leaves and runs off at this point and unfortunately he and fWhip never make up or have another nice interaction before the finale (I'm quite sure)
Joel uhh Joel just kinda fucks off lol he doesn't even die (Jimmy fills in Joel's grave anyway though)
-- Jeremyism thoughts
Mentioned above how devoted Jimmy was to Joel's religion, and to me it really reads like him finding a home. Like, a genuine home, idk... He really did a lot for it, trying to recruit members and taking care of several Jeremy donkeys and making offerings (Joel also gifted him multiple times)
When Scott takes over, he's clearly very distraught. He tried hard to become the new leader of Jeremyism specifically to stop Scott from ruining it. And yet when Scott does, he can't help but stay, quickly labels fWhip a traitor, offers up his diamonds easily... Even as he's asking for Joel to get up there where Scott is standing, instead of Scott. Jeremyism is done for but Jimmy still holds onto an idea of it
And he does this by literally building a Jeremyism hideout secret from Scott and Lizzy, where he and the other remaining members can hang out. Like come on!! He just wants Jeremyism back... He himself states it's "all I have" and "the one real purpose I had on this server was Jeremyism. And now it's gone" (this is basically before he kills himself and ends his series)
-- Scott thoughts in relation to Jimmy
As I said, they had some really cute interactions. Scott actually treated him nicely and his teasing felt lighthearted enough to not be anything worse than that. They dress up all cute for Halloween, they shoot bubbles at each other, Scott teaches him how to ride a flying carpet, Jimmy's not afraid to be a little sassy back at him... He replaced 3 of Scott's pets as a prank because Scott had gotten him a crab that killed Jimmy at some point, and in retaliation Scott doused his house in crabs, but then they like, ate lunch together date style, it was all good and fun, mutual foolery...
And then this one episode, to quote my friend, someone pissed in Scott's cereal and he's suddenly very dismissive of Jimmy's building skills and contributions like I'd expect to see in Third Life???? They see this arguably amateurishly built hut and Scott turns to Jimmy all accusatory "did you build this??". They build an animal shelter together which is cute but then Scott dismisses Jimmy and says he did almost all of the work and proclaims that he should get almost all of the profits etc. And it pisses me off because just like in 3L, this was a building he just ripped from somewhere else to begin with!! He did lay the foundation and such but you can see Jimmy helping build a decent amount in the timelapse...
At some point he also seems ashamed to admit that Scott helped him with his storage system :(
When Scott reads out Jack's wish to have Jimmy executed, Jimmy goes and basically kneels before Scott, telling him to do it. Scott can't because of spawn protection, but Jimmy gets set on fire instead and he?? Runs to Scott??? He runs to Scott and basically kneels before him AGAIN and Scott does NOTHING and I I don't know I might be insane but. Holy shit this is a fever dream and feels like abstract symbolism but ough that hurt. That hurt a lot. Why did Jimmy run to Scott, why did he kneel/crouch before him as he was burning to death... What was he trying to do... Was he seeking something.... comfort...? Neigh... I just wish to know...
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Scott in general is a fever dream in this all by himself though. They all turn up for Jack's funeral and then Scott starts talking about how he tried to be nice and expresses disappointment in having been met with disposition (finding out that Jimmy had a secret Jeremyism cove) acting all "if you want a villain I'll give you a villain!" as if he weren't already one after the cult he turned Jeremyism into and then suicide bombs the entire church still during Jack's funeral. ????? Jesus christ
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This screenshot isn't relevant but Im giving it to you anyway
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thedragonsfate · 11 hours
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FHJY thoughts under the cut bc I gotta sort my brain and can't be succinct to save my life
I think there's something interesting in acknowledge like
of COURSE Kipperlily underestimated the bad kids.
She's hated these kids from day 1. I know a lot of people want to acknowledge that it's not unreasonable for Kipperlily and the rat grinders to think the school is run unfairly (and you're right! it's a fair conclusion)
-- but we also gotta consider that this is something that took root in her VERY EARLY. Before the bad kids got really very good. Two bad kids die on the first day of school, they spend a significant amount of their second semester freshman year just. In Prison.
Of course what follows I'm sure spurs that hatred, but she all but declared Riz to be her nemesis with Jawbone freshman year.
She's probably got some good ideas of how stuff should change, but also she saw this random Goblin boy with a briefcase in rogue class and decided she Hates Him, for a reason none of us can fathom when several of the other bad kids give off worst first impressiona
She's a teenager, a kid, with anger issues. As much as their can be important nuggets at the core of her motives, she's a teenager without emotional regulation skills. That combination is BUILT to breed resentment and feelings of entitlement. and it's built to actively ignore any evidence of a different perspective.
We talk about how she doesn't understand them, takes Kristen as entirely uncaring, doesn't expect the bad kids to do so well in the Last Stand
and OF COURSE she doesn't. some of this because she of course is not privy to all of the bad kids interactions that we are as an audience. but a lot of it is probably because she's a teenager who's decided she's being slighted and as a result is never going to take the bad kids actions on good faith. she's doubled down and while I have a feeling she's extremely perceptive, she's also in an emotional place that means she probably is ACTIVELY ignoring any evidence to the fact that maybe the bad kids are just ALSO working very hard, and that the school itself may also work against them sometimes.
Add to that a god corrupted into rage (negative in this case) and conquest, and a nefarious faculty member as a potentially directly manipulative adult in her life trying to make something big and destructive happen. Kipperlily strikes me as the kind of person who knows she's smart, and knows she's clever, but is so blinded by her emotion that she is probably missing some of whats clearly in front of her as far as all the Jace business goes. She certainly is about the bad kids.
Jawbone can only do so much to help her in her sessions if he's being actively worked against. Emotional regulation is hard to learn from zero AS AN ADULT and she's probably coming from the negatives if my impression is correct, and is doing so as a teenager.
I guess what I'm trying to say is like
In a vacuum? Sure augeforts comment about trying being stupid or whatever does seem like another slap in the face for Kipperlily, one that justifies some of her feelings.
But not about the bad kids. and not to the extent she has taken them.
And to take that at its word feels weird to me because. To anybody paying attention? The bad kids are and have been trying SO SO hard in class. Them having to take the last stand in the FIRST place is specifically because the school system is treating Kristen unfairly DESPITE her best, GOOD efforts. I'm certain the rat grinders are on some level aware of Gorgugs EXTREMELY uphill battle with schoolwork this season, even if it's just Maryann catching part of a convo with Porter or Ruben hearing about it from his uncle. I HIGHLY doubt that Oisin was oblivious to the way that Adaines academics were affected by her not having the money for the correct materials - she still was able to excel mostly but the effects of that roll being at disadvantage for so long are still THERE. Jawbone pinned down and mentioned to Riz his similarities to Kipperlily within maybe 2 seconds - there is 0% chance he hasn't brought something similar up in Kipperlilys sessions. She may not like it, she may not have the emotional intelligence to see it this way, but his efforts almost certainly mirror hers in a way that makes them equally hard workers, absolutely determined to keep themselves afloat despite it being an uphill battle. Something that she feels she deserves to be rewarded for, and to an extent implies that if just a few circumstances were different she would be able to see equal value in his work.
And sure you can say she may be able to see that and be angry that their work is rewarded and hers isn't, but we see time and time again that she and her party don't always put that same level of work in? Mary Ann at blood rush, absolutely uncaring but doing well specifically because she's got some magical enhancements. The suspicious circumstances of Kipperlily finding the Rogue teacher. Even just the natural advantage of Oisin having more than the funds he needs to excel in wizard class.
But even regardless of that, she seems to refuse to see that any scenario in which others are praised for the same thing she's done, while she is ignored etc, is the sole responsibility of the school here. the bad kids are not her enemies in that fight - augefort is. The bad kids are not going around being consistently given advantages from the school, they're earning the things they get and hitting their own academic road blocks, and they aren't acting better than other people in a way that goes beyond like. Teen stuff. And yet her sights are trained so unblinking on them.
I can see Fabian and Kristen's popularity and personalities coming off like it supports that they're being treated better or feel some superiority. And it's teen stuff to quietly hate those ppl at your school! it's p normal!
But it always brings me back to her SPECIFICALLY hating Riz. Bc Riz isn't a rich kid throwing parties that everyone loves. Hes not sniping out comebacks the way Kristen does, sometimes without even thinking. In a lot of ways he's the/one of the least abrasive of the group to an outsider. Which makes me SO much more inclined to call bullshit that this is truly, honestly rooted in an acknowledgement of any of the REAL problems that come up with their school system.
It's complex, but I feel like we can't exalt their perspective as a Truth of the world like it seems some folks do when these characters themselves do not play fairly. What is fair about the way they interfered with the exam. What is fair about what she did so easily to Buddy Dawn. What is fair about the murder of the couple that owned that farm. Depending on what happened - what is fair from them about Lucy's murder. Certainly what is fair about their hand in Yolandas.
This idea that things are unfair isn't untrue. But not in the ways she thinks, and shes moved so far beyond that notion at this point. Kipperlily probably DOES believe that she's uniquely a victim of this system, or at least that everyone but the bad kids is. But she's moved so far beyond that. Whatever divine rage magic is involved has ensured that, as well as probably some Adult manipulation, and severely underdeveloped emotional regulation skills. and for me that means like. obviously she is unjustified in her actions.
Augefort is absolutely unhinged. his school has never been run in a manner that rewards buckling down in the classroom and the classroom only. It's an adventuring school in truly the most chaotic and violence rewarding sense, and that information is given freely by Arthur augefort at maybe any turn
Saw something about the theoretical being just as important as the practical. and yes! absolutely! a very good point that I'm glad was brought up - going to the classes is important and I think this season has really emphasized the ways in which that's true at least in terms of Staying in School and Honing your Skills
I do think, in the same breath, that that STILL means that the practical is ALSO just as important as the theoretical. It CAN'T be one or the other, it HAS to be both.
and the bad kids are DOING both. regardless of what it may count for, the rat grinders xp leveling by continuing to do freshman level combat in order to excel more on paper ISN'T them really doing the practical part of what theyre learning in their higher level classes. And the bad kids do not get credit for their saving of the world REGARDLESS. Not on its own merit, and to get the credit they'd have to jump a hefty academic bar that sort of invalidates the point of practical efforts in the first place, not to mention works against students like Fig and Kristen.
The school is actively rewarding Kipperlily and her party's cheat code practical use of their skills, over the bad kids putting just as much if not more effort into their LITERALLY WORLD SAVING missions. whatever favoritism shes seeing, or that there may be occasionally, Kipperlily fundamentally takes the bad kids in bad faith. It's not ABOUT what is ACTUALLY unfair to her at this point.
from her perspective every accolade or accomplishment from them HAS to come from favoritism in order to fit how her view of whats actually unfair has been warped. for her it doesn't MATTER that they've been trying because they MUST not be trying as hard as she is. it doesn't matter that they visibly saved the world three times, one of which was livestreamed and included several party members dropping, successfully because surely it's a fluke, or they were given better opportunities than others for no reason, or they're being falsely worshipped for what MUST be a less dangerous quest than it seems (despite us seeing clearly on the first day of school that nobody is putting a pedestal up for their night yorb win)
What could have been a justified spark of frustration with a system has shifted into a vengeful sense of entitlement that to me? fully abandons the good of wanting to change a school system actively working against some (/all?) students.
idk maybe this all sounds like jibberish I just
Kipperlily in her current state is INCAPABLE of not underestimating the bad kids bc that would require some acknowledgement that they have worked and bled and died to reach the level they're at.
You cannot separate the girl who sneaks in to the Last Stand to sabotage another party's chances of passing, of staying at school, of continuing school, of one of them from potentially keeping their god alive, and of being brought back from what she assumes is certain death - from the slighted teenager running for class president to make things "more fair"
you cannot separate the girl who easily slits her own party clerics throat without second thought from the girl who thinks she's been slighted by an unjust system
What she means by unfair is inherently colored by her being that same person
Augefort can say whatever nonsense he wants, and it doesn't really justify her current frustrations at this point because her version of fair is fundamentally unfair now.
Shes a child who's become corrupted, just like Buddy. but unlike him - she's become genuinely nefarious and vengeful. Unlike buddy she is actively plotting. Harming others with full knowledge of it. We don't know how much of it comes from her on her own, or the rage baking underground, or Stardiamonds direct involvement - but I think this most recent episode should make it clear that like
Whatever truth there is to the school being run in a way that is unfair to its students, and regardless of what she says or thinks
Kipperlily Copperkettle is not operating from that grounded perspective. and I don't think she has been for a long time
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The Winchester Family: A Rant
Can I just say that Sheriff Jody Mills was more of a mother to Sam and Dean Winchester more than Mary ever was, even after Amara brought her back. Like I guess no hate to Mary...? But like isn't the whole thing about the Winchesters is that family isn't just blood. They developed wayy closer bonds than the ones with Mary, and I know it isn't necessarily her fault, but she wasn't there. Like I dunno, I just wasn't in love with Mary coming back, especially since when she did come back, it seemed like she saw they were grown up and like, didn't care..? Like it felt like she went "oh my job is done these are just two grown dudes that I gave birth to once." Like I know its a weird situation, but as a person who grew up watching Once Upon a Time, where like almost the same thing happened, with Snow, David, and Emma, I can't help but compare their reactions and Mary just didn't stack up.
Snow and David were so ecstatic to see Emma and tried so hard to make up for lost time and parent her as much as they could. They kept trying even as Emma pushed them away saying she was grown and that her and her parents were technically the same age. Throughout the show they found a way to still be her parents while still acknowledging she was grown. It was really beautiful to see, but in comparison Mary did not stack up.
Yes, she is a badass, and, yes, her identity should not solely surround her being the boys' mother, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be a mother at all. It would've been nice to see her figure out a way to strike the balance the Snow and David did, and I never got that vibe. In Supernatural, it seemed the opposite. It was Dean and Sam trying to be her sons and she pushed them away for the same reasons. I'm not saying she was a bad person, or even a bad mother, as it was a really weird situation and I can't necessarily blame her for how she dealt with it. What I AM saying, though, is that her name had no right to be carved onto that table. Point. Blank. Period.
Also, by the way, since I'm complaining, that weird episode with the pearl thing that let John Winchester come back so they could have a family dinner?????? As if that could truly be what Dean desired. Are you fucking kidding me. John sucked, made them both feel like shit, abused them, and yet that was the "family dinner" we got. It's been a while since I watched the show, so Idk a timeline, but screw the timeline for a sec. Across the entire show, a true family dinner would be Dean and Cas with their son Jack, Sam as the Uncle with Eileen, Bobby and Jody as the Dean and Sam's parents (because, unlike Mary, I very much feel like Jody struck that balance even though they weren't her actual sons) and Jody's brigade of wayward sisters trailing behind her, Donna as like the step-mother or aunt (Idk how Donna fits, I just LOVE Donna), and Charlie as Sam and Dean's little sister. Jo, Ellen, and Ash pop in with Rufus as those family members that are close, but you can't quite pinpoint how exactly you're related to them. Bonus: Kevin and Linda Tran come over like friendly neighbors because, even though they have a family of their own, the Trans are definitely close to the Winchesters, though, whether they like it or not. As much as I'd like to add Adam (to make up for him being left in the pit), I have a feeling he wouldn't want to. He seemed like a guy who refused to subscribe to the idea that because they were blood, they were family. (Maybe Sam and Dean should've learned a thing or two).
TL;DR:
Sam and Dean had a much bigger, and better, family then just John and Mary, but it was never really acknowledged fully and in the best way.
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craycraybluejay · 3 months
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yeah yeah you hate me I'm an evil disgusting perverted manwhore we have each other blocked everywhere blah blah but I know you still jerk off to me and I know it makes you hate yourself a bit because you don't have the strength to accept the darker parts of your desire. but you can't help yourself and I take pleasure in the knowledge.
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fleshdyke · 2 months
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hchkvgjvfj
#csa warning for tags#goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination#i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out'#absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus#by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys#which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me#being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do#but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me#it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way#they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything#and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man#like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive#there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever#like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im#the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks#you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it#i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop#and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again#being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex#but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way#like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little#and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me#i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone#i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted#it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am#im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing#and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me#and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to#rambles#vent
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seithr · 5 days
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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dallonwrites · 7 months
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beau is sooo messy i'm obsessed with him. him being happy to see felix seemingly flourishing and being more confident etc but also feeling weird and almost jealous at the fact that it used to be just him that got to see felix that way. that he used to be the only reason for it. and like he KNOWS that's a messy and kind of fucked up way to think about it but he also knows he's in a really weird spot emotionally and can't help it
#one question i am obsessed with at the moment is what makes a person/character 'toxic'#i don't think it's a simple yes or no a character either is or isn't#especially with grief and complicated emotions like...#i have had some UGLY thoughts about people. even about people i love and consider friends#and i have had times where i've had to question myself and wondered if i'm actually this spiteful and meanspirited person#but i realised all of those moments were happening in very difficult and dark times in my grief#which was making it harder for me to regulate emotions and being much more sensitive and quick to take something personally#even though i would know logically that i did not feel that way AS I FELT THAT WAY#it was a mind fuck and it took so long to figure out how to process and unpack all that...#anyway im obsessed with grieving characters having sensitivity and messy feelings and being easily triggered into them#and feeling them even though they know logically that's not how they actually feel under 'normal' circumstances#all this to say i dont think beau is a toxic person. but i do think he is grieving and his is the fleshiest/rawest character ive written in#a while LOL#hes competing with felix and dorothy. who imo were actually being toxic to each other in RR LOL#but then it's like. a character that is toxic at times is not necessarily a bad person to me!#im specifying character because i dont want to get into a discussion about irl morality. but like.#oughhh i love characters who are hypocritical and suck but are also full of love and a desire to be better but its hard to be
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thebleedingeffect · 14 days
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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digirainebow · 8 months
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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machidielontheway · 28 days
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i want to (and did) cry out of frustration because of work and by memory it's the first time it happened
i'm so tired of people doing a bad job and making stupid decisions and having to shoulder that weight months later when it's so late to see it and scrambling to find solution
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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ok maybe this is controversial but it's always rubbed me the wrong way whenever an actor/celebrity dies and everyone is mourning them but only in relation to the character they played??? like idk if my mom died tomorrow and everyone was mourning her because she couldn't do her job anymore I would probably commit a hatecrime
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