#its about time I contributed something

[floorpancakes]

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

#alien stage #ramble #idk #till alien stage #as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it #till era would be so fucking fun #especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?) #random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple #idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally #cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs #i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately #tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what #honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is #till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now #no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily #i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment #cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before #while handling the mizi desth thing #that he assumed was happening #if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive #knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt #and knowing he has a way out of the cage #because its a triple whammy #i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things #and what sort of person the revelations will make him become #also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now

[solradguy]

I'm so grateful that the only GG fans that care about the light novels are the ones that can be normal about things because Lightning the Argent goes from the rawest scenes of carnage imaginable to Ky Kiske doing something mildly religious like offering a short, silent, prayer for someone that got mangled to death by WMD dragons, and I just know that, in the wrong hands, those brief religious moments would generate the most annoying goddamn memes you could ever imagine

#textpost #I have a mountain of beef with catholicism specifically and am negative percent religious #But the punchline to so many Ky jokes is just “ha ha catholic” like come onnnnn get creative #Religion on its own isn't bad. Look instead at how an individual interacts with it and judge from there #Untapped potential in how Ky's consistently depicted praying to Mary/an unspecified female saint for example #Actually... How come I've never seen anyone analyze that aspect of his belief? #His parents died when he was pretty young (iirc) so their influence couldn't've been too much of a contributing factor in that #Maybe he was closer to his mom in the brief time he had with his parent(s)? #Almost all of the Holy Order knights/members they've ever shown have been male too #So I wonder if maybe it's more like the calm/uncombative protective presence of a sacred woman is comforting to him? #It's definitely a stark contrast to the types of things he's generally exposed to in his daily life in any case #Another interesting contrast is how much Sol DOESN'T like religion #He's got some sarcastic lines about God and stuff even pre-Gearification. Wonder what the story with that is... #Anyway Ky only expressing his religion in private moments is interesting to me too #I can't think of an instance where he ever forced it on someone else or tried to explain something as happening just because God willed it #He's smart and logical and yet he still has this spiritual component... #Man is his character is complex. Studying this blond kid under a microscope...

[sskk-manifesto]

Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )

#And Kouyou!!!! #Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀 #King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen” #I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years– #but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like #“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the– #protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb #But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you. #Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime. #I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?” #I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green. #Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to– #engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color– #that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white. #What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws– #because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil” #Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before– #and will probably keep happening? #I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk. #This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about– #how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive– #their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment #I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes– #that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize. #Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol #random rambles #This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late

[shalpilot]

a future like that...

#trigun spoilers #trigun #wolfwood #geese art #OH CRY OH SOB #watched ep 23 this morning and im thinking so hard about it.... #i think its interesting how stampede is introducing vash n wolfwoods moral argument quicker #bc i think by the time we get to wolfwood really ruminating on it it will REALLY HURT #because even in 98 oh it hoited... oh da pain and da misery.... #ALSO how stampede has wolfwood call vash out on his savior complex #because thats something i think contributed to wolfwood's death hurting so much #the first time he tried to do right by vash it ended just how wolfwood always thought it would #however. i do not think he died thinking he was wrong to have not shot #because we see him thinking about the world vash is trying to make #and how maybe #if he had started living like vash sooner #just maybe. #anyways wow this is a lot of talking in the tags. um

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to new characters I have the same attitude as a poorly socialized dog. I swear every time new content comes around and we get the news of new characters my instant reaction is to just. Dislike them. Hope they have little to no importance in the plot. Even when the design looks nice and the characters seem interesting. They're taking screen time away from my faves and my heart tells me to Bite

#this isnt even about the Thing. Its about Astrid #that cool and interesting looking old lady #(im assuming thats her name its what ive seen people use) #Im pretty sure there's something ot be said about my autism here #i dont want things to change. I dont want to risk the show taking a turn for the worse and becoming Insane #if it were up to me #s2 would have just been a reprise of s2 while focusing on different things #and s3 would be a reprise of s2 #which means ofc that the show wouldn't be nearly as compelling as it is. that' why i trust the writers #but at the same time I HAAAAAATE CHANGE #I think the longer hiatuses contribute to this. I am given time to adjust to what can be considered canon and then BOOM #rug pulled from under me with only like 2 months of antecedence. #and I have to be prepared to let go of my headcanons and my current views of this world and its characters #and to accept that these new faces they're throwing at us will be just as important as the ones I already know and love #like I WANT to be spoiler free but at the same time I gotta prepare myself for what's coming #bc otherwise I'm gonna get the air knoked out of me fr #cons of letting a show take over 60% of your brain #turns to the other 40%: at least I've got you. you'll never change or abandon me #*the Cells look at me uninpressed and tell me to get a job* #hilda the series #hilda s3

[yellowocaballero]

this entire chapter was a joy to read but I gotta say I 100% understand knives’ fear of brad—the opening scene was one of the most strangely fear inducing things I’ve ever read. kudos and 10/10 for making me feel nauseous over what turns out to be a very funny scene of knives getting murder-grounded

Love this ask. Love asks about experiences that surprise me a lot, in a good way - part of me is always like 'write a dialectical essay on why you think so???' and the other part is 'the picture and vibes you've painted is incredibly funny and I love it'. Thank you for the ask anyway. Get to talk about Brad and Luida FINALLY.

I'm deciding that this is a victory, because it gave you a great insight into exactly how Knives felt LMFAOOO. He has spent literally this entire story acting superior, holier-than-thou, won't shut up about how he's physiologically and mentally leagues ahead of you puny humans, you're so lame and pathetic and Millions "Genius Cool Guy Surgeon" Knives is soooo much better than you. And then the minute he goes home and sees his foster parents he is suddenly the goodest little boy who you would both introduce to your parents and give a doggy treat. They are two geriatric astronauts and Millions Knives is pants-shittingly terrified of them.

I was legitimately a bit worried that I wrote Brad as too harsh in the flashback scene, or uncomfortable-in-a-bad-way in the beginning scene. I was really careful with both. How Brad and Luida raised Knives is absolutely not a great method of parenting, lmfao. But they weren't really raising a child - they were taming a tiger. I think you can safely assume that Knives was not given a single inch his entire adolescence. He didn't get away with shit. That's how behavioral conditioning works. I really can't stress enough that, although Knives is a pretty good guy in the present, he is still the literal actual Millions Knives. And what 14yo Knives here got up to wasn't all that different from what canonical 14yo Knives was getting up to. The difference is Brad and Luida - and they knew exactly what they were trying to prevent. They knew they couldn't fuck up. They knew what would happen if Knives didn't change. It must have been a lot of pressure.

The sheer balls on the guy who walks up to Millions Knives and just goes, "Okay, asshole. Kill me. Do it.". So insane that it gaslights Knives into believing that Brad and Luida are the only superior lifeforms to himself.

But at the end of the day, what that scene still conveys is - it's a farce. Their family is a social contract: Brad and Luida will give Knives what he wants (a meaning to his life, and on a deeper level he won't acknowledge, a family), and in return Knives politely pretends that they are remotely capable of controlling him. A handcuff is an insanely restrictive method of grounding somebody - and obviously Knives could have gotten outb of it any time. But Knives lets them do it, because if he doesn't then it would break the keyfabe, the farce. And that would destroy Knives' only path towards becoming a good person. Because Brad and Luida told him that they are the only path towards becoming a good person. And if you aren't a good person you have no reason to exist btw. Also we don't love you anymore.

Kinda fucked up if Knives was, like, a regular child? Yes. Only sensible thing to do if the child was Millions Knives? Yes. It's complicated but that's why I really love it. Also for the insane funniness of Knives experiencing fear.

TL;DR Handcuffing your child to its bed is only okay if the child has bad vibes and is unfun to be around.

#my writing #I mean when you think about it - that's every punishment right? #when you put a kid in a time out corner they can move at any time #when you ground a teenager you are not literally locking them inside #but the kid doesn't move and the teenager doesn't leave #why? #i really don't know - it's not something I can understand #I hope that by the end of the chapter it was apparent how much they do genuinely love each other #and how their relationship changed when Knives got older and they didn't have to be Like That just to stay alive #its all very weird and it's a lot of bad things but not in a bad way #I know Knives has nothing but respect and admiration for them as an adult #which is the important thing I think #granted straight up the mindset that this imparted onto knives #the 'I am worthless if I am not contributing to society' thing #is SUPER TOXIC #and if you go back and look a lot of knives' unhealthy mindsets are as a result of all of this #but it was that or millions knives. so.

[supahstarrr]

listen im fine with people reading fics ao3 but if you're supporting it by donating then fuck off. the fact that the site gets over 100k thousands while allowing racist slavery sexy au fics (and its still in beta fucking apparently but not the point. and it allows "romantic" pedo shit but anyway). you should've been able to block users fucking ages ago. ao3 is important when it comes to fandom history but i'm so tired of people treating as if it's some godly website when it's definitely not the truth.

it's so fucking easy to say "it's just fiction" just because you might not be affected by the fetishization of racism or any other dark topics. but guess fucking what, black people are very much affected by your fetishization of black people (and our culture and/or history). fetishization is still racism. and its contributing to the way people objectify black people and stereotypes.

i am (not) politely asking you to fuck off if you lick the boots of ao3 and decide to donate to the site. how do people not realize that those "sexy" slavery au fics contribute to poc's harm and racism? yes it's so common to see better fics and there's a decent variety of content on ao3. but there's no fucking reason that should be blinding you from ao3's problematic aspects. there's no reason you should blinded by the fact that fanfiction can still contribute to real life discrimination (or harmful beliefs towards dark topics but not the main point of this post)

also trust me. ''sexy'' slavery fics or raceplay shit isnt the only racist shit on ao3. i could go on but ill stop- but its kinda a nuanced conversation.

#ao3 critical #tw racism #sunny is srs #sunny's thoughts #sunny's rant #isn't it sad that the last time i looked up (black and non-black) interracial tag for original stories ao3 #most of it was completely filled with smut content that fetishized black people. not just including the slavery au fics btw #if i say something positive about ao3 in the future- dont forget that im still pretty critical towards that website #i get it- racist and harmful content wont be so easily censored on ao3 bc it was made where fandom culture was like #''do whatever you want! its JUST fiction'' but this is just so disappointing. and pretty sick #isnt pretty obvious that fiction still contribute to poc's harm? and other harmful beliefs? god #otw

[heckaroniandcheese]

psychiatrist sent in ? all my meds wrong ? im firing her. two of the correct medications in the wrong dosages (one low one high) and prozac somehow? i dont take prozac.

however I said why not it's here and took a prozac this morning and it's got me feeling a little wonky but its doing the thing. im like. relaxed. I don't do that .

#seriously i have 1/3 of the gabapentin i need & i didnt get my wellbutrin !!! #im not pressed about the atomoxetine tbh but it is too large of a dose which may contribute to the wibblyness #but its every fucking time there is something wrong #prozax kinda real wonky feelin tho

[ihatebnha]

Malewife Katsuki? Yes or no?

Absolutely malewife Katsuki. You think he wouldn't cook and clean even if you were the one at home? WRONG. Those are his jobs, no ifs, ands OR buts!!! Probably even gets fussy when you try to take over for him... not that he doesn't like your cooking or thinks you're bad at cleaning, but why should you bother to when he's RIGHT THERE!!!

Give him the sponge, y/n. Give him the sponge.

(No, but... his mom definitely made him clean with her when he was younger, and I can see his dad as doing a lot of the cooking too, so he probably picked up both things very naturally to the point where they're now both very inherent to him.)

-

(read my househusband!Bakugo drabble here!)

#bakugo #honestly... i always imagine bakugo as being really great about splitting chores #mostly cuz i'd feel bad not doing sh*t #but also bc i think he actually wants to contribute and not be a b*m #and plus... if its something you're unfamiliar with or have a hard time keeping up w/... he's just like. why wouldn't i help? lmfao #he's good at it anyway #especially cooking (which i think is a mans job anyway idc idc) #so yes malewife katsuki its the only canon katsuki tbh #has cleaning days once a month and wears his apron and goes shopping with the tote bag you bought him #and you fold laundry together while watching your show and do dishes standing next to each other #AHHH go crazy go STUPID #ask #anon #caitie things

[cringefailfagcat]

the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for

#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group #like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch #korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left #to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them #but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin #and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons #to contribute consistently to conversations #vent #sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly #catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself #i want to stop. #i can't be a human anymore #i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human #i can't be loved. #i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay #like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about #and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes #i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature #but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace #is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me

[craycraybluejay]

4 THE ALBUM GAME I’d like to know what’s you think of the album ‘less than three’ by mindless self indulgence, I think it’s you, at least it resonates with how I perceive you ^w^

SOMEONE ALREADY SAID THAT TO ME HAHA very much me apparently. I love that album smsmsmsm. Favs from it are probably Pay For It and Make Me Cum. Banger songs all of them.

The music feels very stimulation-seeking; about sex, judgement, junk food (A La Mode, anyone?), etc.

Which yeah. It's the reason social media got so toxic for me and the reason for a lot of things. I require mental and physical stimulation to the point where my satiated ideal would probably read as self harm or something akin to it to most people. Stagnancy is boring and frustrating.

Anyway, their music fucks severely, if anyone bothers me about any controversies I'm going to give them the Laser of I Don't Care Loser :3. I know I have great names for lasers.

#anon response #msi #mindless self indulgence #music stuff #ask games #i dont remember if/when i even posted this game but i believe you anon #my position on All artist controversies is: #if its not affecting real world politics outside the politics of your group chat dont tell me about it #and if my patronage or attention isnt actually materially making something worse dont blame me for it #i.e: jk rowling uses her money and influence to pay for dangerous political groups + say her followers all believe what she does #^this is something my patronage or attention Would affect #other example: some celebrity maybe probably got in a drunk fistfight or called a 17 year old hot #^probably problematic but also entirely not my problem. contributing to their wallet enough to buy half a sandwich isn't going to #make them start a political coalition for public violence or something. nor is their influence going to suddenly make people believe that #what they didn't previously think is ok is now ol #so yes in conclusion i dont care about most celeb controversies and if you catch me in a chaotic mood ill make fun of you for bringing it up #this is not directed at you anon ive just had weird assholes in my inbox every time i bring up a band or artist #they are like vultures istg

[venomroses]

I need to draw my designs for young tcm and dr d

#or i need to write abt them or something they live rent free in my mind #need to figure out a way to word a post abt their contributions to the revolution bc so obsessed with them being part of all this since- #-they themselves were teenagers and the parallels to the four and even the ultra vs #and how they lost recognition for those contributions upon assuming the personas of tcm and dr d #bc they're just that: personas. and while they mightve been playing the part so long its hard to remember what they used to be like they- #-didnt used to be like that at all and the way they're entirely unrecognizable to their younger selves is a testament to both their- #-willingness to play the part that needed to be filled even when it contradicts their message of staying true to yourself in the face of- #-the company that wants everyone to be a certain way but also the way the revolution is willing to twist kids who don't have any other- #-choice into being figureheads for itself without giving them a way to decide for themselves or even give them the time to think about the- #-implications of this role they're being made to play #anyway!

[claudioseraph]

I have to go on a nerdass loser rant bc its insane to me how people will shit on wikis (and discourse on the actions of Fandom itself aside) but I also have to be subjected to vids about things like character heights from youtubers relatively popular in the community with unsourced information simply stating it comes from the game manuals despite the fact that it includes characters whose heights have not actually been canonically revealed (i.e. most/all characters first introduced in Tekken 6 or afterwards who have not been playable in either Tekken 8 beta) and people will eat that up because that content creator has already amassed a small following while im sitting here chewing through wires like a rat. And don't get me started on the Comments of the vid stating the most wild off the wall shit I've ever seen. Like there are some crazy unkempt wikis out there but as someone that edits the tekken wiki we at least source all the important information we put on there. Some characters Don't have ages revealed. Some don't have heights. You can't compare their in-game models because prior to tk7 Nina was listed as 5'3 and we know her ass is not 5'3 even in flats. Youtubers can release some cool informative videos but they can also get away with just blatant misinformation and no one wants to go to the wiki and see if they at least have an answer with a source because wikis all get lumped together with the worst page on them or the worst one in the same category.

#I side-eye anyone who points out something specifically on the tekken wiki tbh #because its open so anyone can edit it and thats both a benefit and a drawback #if you're really concerned about misinformation you can literally change it or ask a mod or ask for a Source #instead its always ''don't go here they said one time on the tekken wiki [trivia point at the bottom of the page]'' #and the trivia can get wild as hell trust me I have to go after mfers with the shotgun when they go in there #we also have. an Open Discord. with a channel for talking about pages on the wiki. #so like. what are You contributing. also. #i have wiki brain poisoning anyway.

[the-kipsabian]

so ready for the funny number fic lmao

#who will post it? what will it be?? idk but im so ready lmao #just a fun thought #it wasnt even that long when we reached 50 fics.. and now its funny number time... #three digits here we come ~ #im just. so happy to be contributing to this idk. it just feels good. it feels like something #its super silly cause its just fanfiction on the internet but its the one thing rn that i do that feels like it serves some kind of purpose #idk. i have a new au at works (cause im the worst lmao) so you might see that soon #they just keep me creating no matter how much i complain. they keep me going. they make me want to make things. which keeps me alive #idk fam this is stupid but it means so much to me when theres nothing meaningful going on in my life otherwise #...anyways this was a post about the upcoming funny number sorry didnt mean to make it real ough #night is an absolute mess on main

[savethepinecones]

so so sick of being yelled at for being depressed

#my sister offered to let me move in with her and her spouse and my mom insisted i stay here til the end of the year #because shes worried about my mental health #but she keeps freaking out whenever i have Symptoms #like yeah i dont have any energy so sometimes it takes an extra day or two to get chores done #ive made it clear that im trying my best but it never meets her standards so it doesnt matter #and she wont even fucking let me leave #i told her months ago i wouldnt be able to contribute to groceries much longer because i havent worked in six months and have no money #and she was super understanding at the time but as soon as i make any food requests when someone goes shopping she gets pissed at me #says im asking for too much when im keeping it to the bare minimum #and when my sister heard about this she offered to send me some grocery money and my mom got pissed about that too #i woke up to a huge paragraph of text lecturing me and she called it a 'roommate intervention' like she hasnt been very clear that #she doesnt consider us roommates #and she refuses to actually talk about it she just sends me messages freaking out about how im not good enough #and then she says if i respond shell freak out so shes refusing to have an actual discussion #like if shes so fucking sick of me being here she should just let me move jfc #i havent been able to eat at the table for years because its covered in a bunch of her shit but if i ask her to do something about that #shed just freak out #like how dare my living here inconvenience her in any way but also what i want doesnt matter at all #i dont have any of my stuff in the living room or dining room and i only have some stuff for coffee in the kitchen #and even then she moves that shit without checking with me beforehand #im doing everything i can to reduce my impact here and its still not fucking good enough #god im just so sick of living here #brb gotta go do a million chores while i have a migraine because otherwise there will be 'consequences' #like im a fucking child #and not a full grown adult whos dealing with serious mental health shit but still trying their best #god i want to cry rn im just so sick of this

[theygender]

Idk how many of y'all watch Good Mythical Morning but I just want to say that as a gnc person it makes me so happy to see Chase get to dress however he wants and have it just be normal. The crop top he always wears during international food taste tests isn't treated as weird, that's just his cartographer shirt, and it's become such a signature look that other people have to wear it while filling in for him. He plays a few female characters that wear dresses, but the fact that he's playing a woman or wearing a dress is never treated like a joke. The actual joke is that the character he's playing is a fancy dancing cow or an alternate universe version of Little Debbie named Giant Deborah who can teleport across dimensions if you chant for her. The dress is just part of the character, and Chase just happens to be comfortable wearing dresses and really good at playing funny characters. Idk, it just makes me feel really happy to see another gnc person out there thriving and living their best life. I've always been hesitant about being out as nonbinary at work bc I didn't think it would be possible for people to just treat it like a normal thing, and recently I've been worried that once I graduate college and go on to more "professional" work my future employers may see my gender nonconformity as unprofessional, which scares me bc it's not even possible for me to conform to any gender expectations anymore. But. Here on one of my favorite YouTube channels there's a gnc person who gets to dress however they want for their job, even having roles where their gender nonconformity is important to the videos, and it's just treated like the most normal thing in the world. If that's possible then maybe the idea of finding a research job that will respect me isn't so far fetched

#good mythical morning #rambling #idk i just get emotional sometimes #as someone whos worried that even gender nonconformity would be viewed as unprofessional in my future field and frowned upon #regardless of whether i would be interacting with the public #seeing someone whos able to be as gnc as they want at a job where theyre being FILMED for the public and posted to an audience #really does kinda give me hope that i can find acceptance one day #its really cool that stevie presents in a gnc way too sometimes but shes not on camera as much #but idk. it just makes me feel happy #im watching the international foods taste test they posted today and chase is wearing an even shorter crop top under his cartographer shirt #and i was just like HELL yeah you GO king!! #as someone whos been watching the show for a long time and has also seen a lot of old episodes from before i started watching #i like seeing how much more confident chase is now that he dresses how he wants to as well #in a lot of the old videos he dressed very much like a stereotypical straight boy and he seemed a lot more shy and timid back then #now you can just tell how happy he is. he seems so confident in himself and he contributes so much to the show now #idk. i want that one day. i hope i can find a stable career where I'll be accepted for who i am #instead of having to pretend to be something else or worry about what people are thinking of me if i dont #my job now is definitely better than some of my old ones but i still dont really know what people think of me now that im somewhat out #and spending 40 hours a week walking on egg shells with your own damn existence isnt fun :( but. maybe its not forever. i hope