#its 2 am and i dont want to bother anyone with my stuff

[swampdrive]

Specific gripe but hwrow capitalism really crushes art

#ive been getting back into doing adopt designs to cover costs this month and am going to have 2 do it regularly again #and there is a pretty specific niche of What People Will Buy and What I actually Have Time to Create i have to fall into and its just a bit #soul crushing. like I have so many Ideas for Stuff i want to draw but i know wont be marketable or wont sell well etc. which means i just #cant make it! i dont have time to be drawing whenever i want i have work so i have to foce myself to do it when i Really Dont Want to on #the weekends bc if i dont I wont be able to afford transit to my Real Job and its just ahdbfjdndj soul crushing #like ik i should be thankful people want to buy things from me and that i could probably cut down on drawing stuff to sell since i already #made the budget quota for this month but this is also going to be a continuous issue for the next few months for me and im worried i #wont make enough one month and have to start dipping into my main paycheck and thats just a not good trajectory to take #anyway i wish i could draw more weird little men and weird little robots instead of the easily platable fun outfits and very humanoid #android designs ive been doing. like ppl have told me they wld be interested in other stuff but the main bulk of my followers are NOT which #makes anything weird/out of my preset formula i make a risk for me right now :/ #ANYWAY to anyone else who bothered to read this A. i hope youre having a fantastic day bud go drink some water and have a snack #and B. if ur an artist who dabbles in adopts and stuff like that jsyk there is a weird market for outfit designs rn?? from covos ive had #with buyers a lot of vtubers want outfits to have models made off of #weird market but ill take it!

[isabelguerra]

@nbrights claus you are such an mvp congrats on getting your url back.

i AM #1 isabel fan but i am and always will be the #not1butstillprettyupthere max fan. max puckett is up there as one of my favorite protagonists of all time and i feel like so much of what makes max interesting either A) gets pushed aside in fandom for the sake of shipping b) get pushed aside in canon for the sake of snappy writing.

i love how fiercely protective he can be while doubling as a massive coward in the right situation. hes guarded and untrusting and makes snap judgements of people to keep up his Cool Guy Aloof New Kid schtick but risks his life for isabel after only three? ish? days of knowing her. and then CONTINUES to not take shit. he calls people out when something happens that bothers him- not to start a fight, but as a verbal acknowledgment that he’s not gonna stand around passively when he hears some fucked shot going down. and he doesn’t hold grudges! except his bat he points stuff out and then proceeds to get over it immediately because its a pain in the ass but not enough to make him waste his own time thinking about it.

i think max and isabel are so sooo good for each other theyre like soulmates that were never supposed to meet to me. interpret that statement however u want. idc what kind of relationship they have their dynamic transcends it all imo theyre each others Person. they Get It. and they know each other. max got thrown out of a train protecting isabel. isabel threw herself out of a train to protect max. and 20 minutes prior they were sitting in complete bored silence completely apathetic towards each other. THATS nuts 2 me. thats the shit that gets me.

max is a physical badass (gymnastics, hitball, spirits sometimes, broke his arm to protect johnny) but hes SUUUUUCH a massive coward he like gives in IMMEDIATELY if he gauges a situation as ‘not worth it’ (tells suzy the true nature of the AC after minimal prodding just bc he wanted to get away from her freak ass, ditched serge in the hallway because he couldn’t be bothered to listen to his student counsel talk). ed thinks hes a coward (accurate) and that isabel started hanging with max because max is not a coward (inaccurate) but max has more self preservation (dont look at what i just wrote about breaking his arm its an outlier) than almost anyone in the comic.

he’s a good protagonist because he offers a straight man for mayviews wackyness to bounce off of, which in comparison makes him the cynic, but he’s also usually genuinely really nice and encouraging to people he just meets (alex and the recorder, giving pj pep talks). he never lets his cynicism turn him into a jerk, hes just sarcastic and doesn’t take bullshit lying down. i wrote something on this earlier that i don’t remember well enough to reiterate here but i will ALWAYS be a max puckett fan. when i was 16 i shaved my head and after doodling myself someone reblogged it tagged as #max puckett so now we have an Assigned Kinship At Reblog (AKAR) blood bond

#this was so clever getting me to talk character analysis. thanks man #paranatural #maxwell puckett #replies #nbrights

[tboom10]

warning. eyestrain. if you're on max brightness and its 3 am proceed with causion. same if you hate a random dude on tumblr ramble for way to long. this includes more text then i care to admit.

icons of some hollow knight silksong characters except i really, and i mean really went overboard with special effects and other random stuff that mildly fits their character (and even that is somewhat questionable) to add as much eyestrain as i physically can and looks not bad. also i wanted to make more icons, but i lost interest and i really just wanna post something after no new art for like 2-3 weeks. also i used those custom pattens brushes to much and it shows.

this whole thing was me just wanting to draw trobbio once more and i thought 'why not an icon even though you've replaced your pfp not even a month', so i did. im not even gonna use it as a pfp, im just leaving it here and then i did the same for seth. and i spiraled from there.

trobbio is the only one without those outlines and it rally bothers me, but due to how i layered i cant fix it. it is what it is. also it makes it more flashy, and if someone here has a flashy icon its him.

seth's one is the least eyestrain one. but i like the darker tones, so im keeping it this way. honestly, might make it my pfp for a while. its probably my favorite one. yep, i peaked at the second one.

i was looking at references for sherma and saw someone drew him with those pink flowers and it was to cute not to steal. i forgot who made it, but just so you know: the flowers weren't my original idea.

this is my first lace icon. i dont really like it, so i made 2 for her. the only reason im posting it is cuz i've watd to much time on it.

and her's the second one. this one kinda mirrors hornet's icon. why? well good question dear viewer (or whatever you call someone who actually reads this (which if you do, thank you, i dont type these for nothing)). its because i can. also i still dont love how the second one came out. i guess not everyone can draw every character. partly due to her needle? sword? thing she fight with still has lines about as straight as i am, and likely she is as well. this is the one with the clearest use of a shape brush.

i hope hornets needle doesn't look thrown in, cuz thats exactly what i did. it was to kinda mirror lace's battle weapon and its kinda silvery and lace's is gold, and ok, you get it now. honestly, hornets one is one of my more favorites, even though the star brush is to obvious.

shakra's icon is ok. honestly, probably the least remarkable one. i dont really have anything interesting to add. ok 1 thing mildly interesting. i think this one took th longest to make the character for. thats about it really. and like lace, i can barely draw her. also why and how did i get worse at using star brushes? they weren't as obvious on the first few and on the last 3 it was clear as day. it is what it is i suppose.

also, before anyone asks, if you really, and i mean really somehow wanna use them, go ahead, credit is appriciated, though not needed. just dont say you made them alright. or do. idk why you wanna claim these are yours though, but i lack the ability to care, nor come after you irl. but please dont do it, its kind of an asshole move imo. if you still do, i guess i cant stop you, though if you steal art im just gonna assume you're kind of a prick to be around. also i still have enough material to make a part 2 (like carmlita and forg daughter). but im busy making other stuff rn.

#eyestrain #hollow knight #hollow knight silksong #silksong #silksong hornet #hornet hk #hk hornet #lace #trobbio #shakra #sherma #seth #seth silksong #sherma silksong #shakra silksong #hk trobbio #idk how tags work anymore

[blessedshortcake]

SPOILERS FOR MEGAMIND AND MEGAMIND "2" youve been warned

Hi chat im here to bitch and whine give my 2 cents on the new movie even tho im like. A little late. Obligatory read more

I havent seen anyone talk about this yet so im starting with it but... why did they rename Minion? I am not Too bothered by it, i mean a little but thats probably just me im just mostly confused? Is it because of the Minions stuff? So hes more uniqe? Augh my poor boy they did him so dirty

Point 2. Roxanne. What. Just what. Why did they make her like that? I loved how she had different clothes for (probably) every scene, that she wasnt just a generic cartoon character wearing the same outfit for the whole 90 something minutes and yet they just... put her in an (in my opinion) ugly dress and made her hate her job?

She seemed happy in the first movie for the most part. She wrote her own speech in the first scene of it!! I get that things are different now that Megamind is a hero but ITS BEEN 2 DAYS!! Unless her aspirations changed in the first movie and im just too tired to remember then its a huge change. Besides that she was.... okay i guess? Shrug i liked the original more

Oh right! Their relationship or lack there of with Megamind! I was never a huge shipper of them but i didnt mind. I find it sweet at most since they can be silly together but only if given more time and fleshed out more. Im more interested in seeing their progression, learning about each other, adressing past stuff (like how Megamind was hiding as Bernard for god knows how long i am so tired i cant remember this move killed my brain) and i dont care if theyre a couple or just friends or something in between for all of that

But...... seeing as (and i can only assume) the first movies last scene of him accepting the new museum that was rebuilt for his image happened months after the Titan thing and they literally Kissed and whatever id ASSUME there is something between them to kiss like that IN A PUBLIC EVENT IN FRONT OF THE CITY?

And yes i love my platonic kisses but lets be real. This was made by a Company and this is a het couple theres no way they would let them kiss as just friends. Like id be the happiest mf on earth if they did but from previous movie track records i dont think thats the case

If the movie was like set between the Titan thing and the reopen of the museum id understand. Then yeah, things are complicated between them. But we SEE the museum like at least once so??? Ugh i dont know why im so caught up on everything this movie was full of contradictions

Before i go to the main issue (the whole movie is the issue but i digress) i wanna talk about the world itself.

Where did the smart phone come from?????? Hello??? Movie 1 had flip phones at best + whatever Megamind made but hes like a genius so like that doesnt quite fall into public tech stuff. Why did they nerf the dehydration gun? That was instant or near instant before why did it take seconds now?? Megamind has a whole new lair AFTER 2 DAYS-

Why is everyone so stupid and disrespectful? The whole key ceremony was 100% unneeded if hes already an esteemed hero? Whatever.

Now the main bone i have to pick. MEGAMIND.

He could not be more OOC. I cant belive this was an actual movie not like some fan project. God

They already had a whole thing in the first movie how he needs Minion more and he needs to listen to him and how he appreciates him. Why did we go back to ground 0?

If they REALLY needed a conflict where Minion wanted to be a sidekick and Megamind didnt want that to happen (which... i dont even know why they needed that? Perhaps with Minion away from the lair when the DS showed up the issue dragged on much longer? Shrug) THEN THEY COULD HAVE DONE AAAANYTHING ELSE!!!

Might i remind the creators that in the highpoint of the first movie, when Minion used the disguise watch and helped Roxanne escape so Megamind can defeat Titan as a fake Metro Man he got (kinda) hurt? Like his tank shattered and he was drying out. Sure he was fine but THAT already couldve been a better motivator!!

Megamind being scared to let Minion be his sidekick because he has been with him for all of his life, his first and best friend in the whole galaxy, his caretaker since he was a baby, his last connection to his home planet even, got hurt and could have easily died. I mean they pretty much killed like 3 people if not more in this movie so its not far fetched but like-

The conflict being Megamind grapping with his concience (spelling??) of wanting to make Minion happy and letting him express himself more, and his terror of the possibility of losing him. Like if thats too heavy they can make it more lighthearted and jokey there are Definitely ways to do that but that already is a better conflict oh my GOD.

Also DS couldve been soloed with the dehydratuion gun if it wasnt nerfed. He just walks behind them and bam. Problem solved. What the hell

point 3? I lost count. WHY DID THEY DUMB HIM DOWNNNNNNN OMG

HES SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS!! Sure Minion takes care of him since he can get too in his head with his ideas as we see. Multiple times. But hes not an idiot. He would know how a toaster WORKS HES NOT XBDNSN MAIMS!!

Anyway

I finished the movie like an hour ago but i already forgot that little girls name oops. She was... weird. I wasnt too annoyed about her more so confused? Since shes the only person with a smart phone? And she had half a million followers for her Megamind blog? IN 2 DAYS? Right. Felt very forced to put her into any and all of the scenes

Back to our massacared blue hero. He would NEVER be like that. More specifically with the DS. One of the main parts of him is that he was lonely!! He never had friends!! He is sooo socially stunted he doesnt know many many basic concepts as an adult!! Like how phones work or views or i cant remember anything else what a disgrace but like!!

He would never go to evil school. Why would there be an evil school also?? But he never had anyone but Minion!! He was sooo lonely without Metroman he had to DIY a new dude!! He became a villian because people kept bullying him for being different and weird and so he decided to become what they make him out to be! If he had friends like how the DS makes it out to be, hell, like how the movie makes it out to be then he would never abandon them like that. He would NEVER

Also him the leader?? Are you kidding me?? Where was Minion during all that? And even then why didnt they just use the original DS material? I was hoping to see the fire lady where did she go :( (i cant remember any names tonight huh)

Everyone is so dumb in this movie it hurts. 0 spacial awareness, the conversations dont feel like they fit together, some scenes they literally repeat stuff that was either said already or just dont relate at all. I dont know why that is but it bothered me a lot

The DS looked and acted dumb, they were the most generic ass villains like... WHY DIDNT YOU USE THE ORIGINAL- whatever im. Sigh. But really it was so weird???? If Megamind was supposed to be their LEADER why were they so disrespectful to him? He feared them plenty and yeah sure its because he lied to them but leaders usually are respected. They treated him like shit and didnt listen to him once. Rushed him the whole time and kept making him do things like....... girl... thats your LEADER. Ex leader at worst. Maybe dont throw a party in his HOUSE without even asking or warning him and tell him to not be a party pooper when he demands you to stop it. I have a headache now

The ending was....... interesting. Roxanne becoming mayor feels unrealistic and rushed but alas it fits to the theme of the movie because of that (aka being rushed and unrealistic). The M signal is. Laughable. Silly at the very best. It got a laugh out of me but its just.... unneeded. I dont know i dont get why they had to add it you know. Also obligatory Minion out of the tank moment oh wow woo yippe Why

Overall? There were like 3 jokes at best that i liked + the dance off scene was nice. Funny and kinda in character even. The rest? I will be mad about it forever. 1.5/10

#this took 30 mins to type #im not reading back to edit it #idc #this is my midnight rambles #🧶 #im gonna eat some cheese and rewatch the original movie to rid my thoughts of this evil #megamind #megamind 2 #megamind vs the doom syndicate #this is probably not all thats in my head about it but again #it is midnight and i have a headache so #this is mostly incoherent #long post #cake rambles #cake rants

[tetstuff]

My First Blog

hello world. I was supposed to just write this but i am lazy these days. But im planning to jot down things that happens to me daily like i used to.

Today i woke up with no voice. Later on i found out on tiktok that "whooping cough" is prominent in my country. That explains it. I have been just lazying around lately. Got no motivation whatsoever. Well today, let's just say, i felt that i was truly alone. Even in the game i am playing where no one knows me so I could be anyone i want but no. I am still alone. I am still the same lonely introvert. The past months i have these 2 people i have been talking a lot about life stuff. One is a girl and one is a boy. They helped me cope with my mishaps last year and last january. (BTW im sorry my i's and i'ms dont have apostrophe. I couldnt be bothered tbh) just a little background. I was supposed to graduate last January but since i failed i had to extend 1 semester again. Plus, the tomboy i have been talking for 8 months suddenly just didnt want me anymore. All in the same month so it was really hard for me. Those 2 people helped keep my mind off things but lately they stopped caring. The guy was just busy with his work. The girl lost interest in what i say and she also has another group of friends. She has been playing with them everynight basically replacing us. Or me. Thats what i feel. I feel replaced. I dont control her. Its just sad that i cant retain a friendship. People always end up ghosting or leaving me for (i guess) someone else better. Its a sad day but you know i can distract myself. Tomorrow maybe i will make an animatic for a song i like. I will just also mention this here. Another insect tried to go in my eye so i will wear sunglasses everynight.

That's all thanks for reading.

March 22, 2024

#vent #Spotify

[brainworms-all-night-long]

Remember that art you did that was just Nine and Sonic high fiving (except it were only hands)

Did you use any special brushes?????????? Or just what brushes did you use in general please dont gate keep 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Might as well just answer these asks in tandem because 1 that is literally one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me?? You mean I have an artstyle?? that it is tangible??? That its good enough for someone to want to copy it, hello????? [Positive, extremely extremely positive, crying tears of joy positive]

And 2 I am so fucking sorry (but also maybe good news for you since you're looking to copy) if you were expecting some epik brushes or techniques, because I literally just use the basic pen, pencil, airbrush and mix2 brushes (plus the eraser ofc) in Fire Alpaca. Like dedass just the first one, no change in the settings nothing. Just these guys here with me against the world.

I do attempt to sometimes use different brushes for sketching but then always return back to basics

My art process is pretty much just scratch something with the pen (sketch that I clean out as I go, we don't do lineart in this house sir) slap on some colors, then put down shadows with the pencil, blend with the mix brush, realize the shadows make no sense once looking back at the light source, erase some parts and repeat until the shadows do kind of make sense

Like its just this for endless hours but it's also the only part of drawing that I genuinely enjoy x)

From time to time I also remember that the airbrush exists and I can use it now without the threat of it blowing up my computer, which is why the shading (well, the highlights) on the high five actually looks good (also cuz I had a clear reference picture, that does wonders) plus a pro-tip, when drawing a certain thing that glows, its easier to put the solid color of the glow down and than gaussian blurring the whole layer instead of fighting with the airbrush

True magic however, hides in messing around with the opacity and layer blender settings, I usually spend most of my time in there flipping between the options lmao. The starter basics would be Add for an extra pop in the highlights. Multiply for darker shadows, or used similarly as Overlay and that is if you can't be bothered changing the color of the shadow over multiple colors of the piece. Soft and hard light for tamer results of add and multiply. And than Messing around with Difference and Exclusion was also how I got the funky colors on my previous drawing, but that stuff is funky

So yea, no special brushes, just the bare basics and mixing them together!!

#I think. This is like an answer most artists will give #I always see so many people asking artists about their brushes #only for the artist to just go ''oh I just use this basic one for the program I have'' #Not that it's wrong to ask ofc!! #I too wonder just what brush it is that makes the line look just ever so scratchy but not too much #that gives a really nice texture to the lineart #I will find it one day I'm sure #also other majority of artists actually have a special brush they made (??) but my ahh could never #raw-dogging this with the basics 💪💪 #again this ask has made my day #well #midnight #but like yaaay I am finally good at art!! #at long last #i inspire people :] #it sparks joy #the silly ask box #art tips #me does arts

[lord-shitbox]

entire ask game. send me asks too or ill bite you really ahrd

assuming you said this for the 'weirder asks' game. godbless

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

Gozu and mezu

lighter or matches?

I like lighters more but i only have a matchbox (the striking paper on it is shit anyways)

do you leave the window open at night?

ye

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

none

what color are your eyes?

brown

why did you do that?

do wot

hair-ties or scrunchies?

Hair ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

None. 2 glasses and a mason jar though 

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Cold. on ice

would you slaughter the rich?

Idc about killing them i just want their wealth redistributed

favorite extracurricular activity?

Fucking around at the grocery store en masse

what kind of day is it?

Did not do a single piece of schoolwork but i did every other possible task

when was the last time you ate?

Within the hour. Had a bowl of rice on my desk

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

ya

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

no

can you drive?

no

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

nearsighted

what hair products do you use?

none

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

If you want me to ya

do you say soda or pop?

soda

something you’ve kept since childhood?

A lot of things. Stuffed animals, jewelry

what type of person are you?

chilling

how do you feel about chilly weather?

👍 but i prefer mild temperatures. The kind of just-barely cold that isnt really cold. I don’t like wearing lots of clothes

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Depends on who you are. for u specifically, probly not much

perfume/body spray or lotion?

Mmmm…i dont own any body spray but i have mixed feelings about the texture of lotion. It’s not actually that bad but i don’t like putting wet stuff on me (same genre of sensory dislike as wearing lots of clothing)

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

Uh.. like daydream? There’s one i used to have but its really really edgy and embarrassing 

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

Last night, 12. On weekdays its like 6

do you wear a mask?

No sorry

how do you like your shower water?

warm

is there dishes in your room?

Yes leave me alone

what type of music keeps you grounded?

Heavy stuff. Like fast and hard noises. Nothing slow

do you have a favorite towel?

yeah

the last adventure you’ve been on?

Went 2 bowser movie wth an extended group of people last night and afterwards we walked to winco and did funny things in shopping carts

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Tbh…no. Im really good at remembering song lyrics in general but i dont think there are any in particular i memorize

what’s your timezone?

Doxx me why don’t you

how many times have you changed your url?

Never <3

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

Uhh.. not really? Am not in much contact with childhood close friends (theres one ive seen a few times recently but we haven’t actually talked). I believe i’ve known tuna for upcoming 8yrs though

a soap bar that smells good?

I dont like bar soap i like the liquid kinds. Old spice

do you use lip balm?

During dry lip season (i forget when this is) my lips get dry as fuck 

did you have any snacks today?

ye

how do you take your coffee?

With ice and chocolate in it

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Discord & instagram 

what’s your take on spicy foods?

yum (reasonable spice tolerance)

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Nobody…i hate some people 2 death (i dont think about them so i forget who they are) but theyre not bothering me rn so idc

can you remember what happened yesterday?

Bowser moive

favorite holiday film?

Year without a santa claus (IM MR FREEZE MISER)

what was the last message you sent?

“so far i think the only red text thats restricted to origin is mhin's”

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

Idk ive had sips in young youth. Parents would give me some so i could go “wow this tastes nasty” and not crave any ever (they were right for this)

can you skip rocks?

I may have done it successfully like twice in my life

can i tag you in random stuff?

Ya sure

#asks #mario himself in the movie was extremely mid i did not care about him #cant say if it was entirely the voice actor tho. & it could be entirely my own preferential bias (just dont care abt his kind of character) #&/or mid writing #bowser was cool tho so im calling it the bowser movie #guy who derives 30% of media enjoyment from OST alone: why is there no music in this scene #climax fight scene music was solid but like there wasnt enough good music for me in the rest of the movie #mario was pretty much there to be peach's boytoy and honestly good for her. she slayed hard

[notahorseindisguise]

fun facts about me!

im 17 years old

i live in australia, in nsw 

im mostly a boy ig, but i use any pronouns and just dont care

im bisexual

i am, by family, a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. by belief, im not sure yet!

i have adhd and probably other stuff 

i really love bugs and want to be an entomologist

you can call me Corn, but thats just a nickname, short for Corben

i have 2 pet cats, milly and pebbles

i am really really mean to people, because bullying is how i show my love. if that is an issue for you please let me know and ill change it!

i also use a lot of gendered terms as well as petnames for just. everyone. so if “bro” or “babe” makes you uncomfy, make sure you tell me too!

i very purposely wear day of the week underwear only on the wrong day cause i think its hilarious

i have a slight lisp, very slight, its only really noticeable when i say a bunch of s words in a row and you are looking to notice it. i have this because in preschool i did my s sounds slightly different to how we were taught, but i never bothered to fix it

i get excited when im talking a lot about things i love, and when i get excited, a bit of a stutter comes out, and i like, get stuck on a word, and keep repeating it until my brain buffers the next sentence

i have a lot of self confidence because i stopped making self deprecating jokes and started making self aggrandizing jokes and guys, faking it til you make it really really works

i really like comedy, not just as in i like makng jokes, although thats true, but i like dissecting comedy and talking about it the way a film critic would talk about the dark knight or something. i really like pulling it apart and looking at the behind the scenes. i also think its funny to rate people jokes out of 10.

ive never properly played a game of monopoly. the only game ive ever played i had to leave around halfway through. im a monopoly virgin. 

if youre reading this, reply “autonomic”. just because i think its a fun word to say and i doubt anyone is actually reading all of this.

i had a couple of recurring nightmares as a kid that brought me quite face to face with a cosmic horror, i dont believe it was real of course, just a creation of my mind, but still, im mostly unphased by that genre, although i still love it because its just so cool to read about

i have never opened my eyes underwater for more than half a second, because it hurts me too much. ive opened them up underwater a little bit just to wash them out or to see if i could, but they always hurt too much for me, so ill be wearing goggles underwater for the rest of my life

when i was a child my family would call cuddles from me “dorben” and say “corben give me some dorben” whenever they wanted cuddles. this is not an open invitation to use this for when you want cuddles from me this is just a fun fact about my childhood

one time at a family camp when i was like. 6 or 7 or something, i told my mum i needed the toilet but she didnt wanna walk me down to the toilet block, so she told me to just go in the bush. i protested, but she told me itd be fine so i went to the bush. later i was crying and i pulled her over to where i had gone, and she saw a shit laying on the grass, where she thought i was gonna piss. through my tears i said “mum, you were WRONG, WRONG, WRONG-O!!”

also once when i was half asleep i pissed in the bin in my bathroom instead of the toilet

theres some fun facts about me!! some of these important, some i just thought were random and funny. i will add to this when i think of more random parts of my life. have fun!

#corntent #probably gonna pin this #this whole post started because last night i realised #id never opened my eyes underwater #and id never played a full game of monopoly #and i was trying to think of more weird facts about me #and i thought itd be funny to disguise some random trivia about my life as like an 'about me' post #thanks for reading :3

[alicebellphagoraalbrecht]

Genshin Impact, Hoyoverse and the problems Twitter wont allow you to critique

The Genshin fandom is unique to me. I have been in many fandoms and some of them were incredebly toxic. I watched Netflix´s Voltron and engaged with the fandom. What makes Genshins fandom so odd to me is how hellbend they are to defend Hoyoverse. Even against reasonable outrage. To the point they demand you echo chamber every single post of any kind and never breathe out a negative opinion ever. And I dont get it.

Now personally I have this quirk where I struggle to talk about the things I like in media I enjoy. I cant meaningfully vocalize why I enjoy something. I just do. I like the look, the feel or the plot and I do just because. But when it comes to things I dislike in the media I enjoy I can actually go much more in depths and when I talk to people I want to have something to say beyond "Heh this character looks neat." I want to have meaningful conversations. But this fandom doesnt let me do that. If you like something and enjoy it you can still dislike aspects of it and if its a game or product activly being rolled out you should voice these dislikes in hopes of making a change. That is how I feel. Of course I take part in surveys but I also post it online or under related posts, assuming people are willing to discuss.

Instead I get pushed back and told to silence myself or go into a lonely corner where I cant bother anyone and I dont understand why. What makes Hoyoverse so deserving of this kind of protection. Im just one random as hell person. They stock market wont crash when I say their character design after Yelan has become stale, uninspired and down right ugly in Tighnaris case. "I like him." Is not a good argument to disprove my points. Of course you can like him, Im not saying you shouldnt! Or you cant.

But what has Hoyoverse done to deserve the defensive fandom? -Shit on their fans -releasing bugged or broken characters (Xinyan is still not fixed) -41 out of 43 characters are pale with only 1 new tanned character in sight -6 body models they are stubbornly holding onto (Itto being shafted by the fans obsessing over Ayato who turned out 100 times more boring than Itto) -A weird fixation on keeping the toddler body type exlcusivly female (Lolicon bait) -The Anniversary debacle -Exploititive publicity stunts -They are stingy with rewards, at least compared to the other gacha games I play. (You get 150 primos for clearing Floor 12 in the Abyss, the worst and most difficult thing to do in this game and you do not get a single pull for it.) -They make the game a pain/impossible for new players

The laundry list could probably go on if we get really nitpicky. But I personally am mostly concerned about plot and character design. As well as Quality of life. I will rund down my issues.

Plot: Every big event, usually the big event of the new patch, has a very important plot detail put in it. Recently in the chasm we learned what happened to the lost Yaksha. But any new player joining will not have that information. They cannot experience said cutszenes themselves they need to outsource to you tube, external to Hoyoverse. You cant even rewatch regular cutszenes without going to random you tube channels.

Character Design: I think the biggest issue is quite obvious. The skin type diversity does not exist. Neither does body type. Character design is strictly bound to 6 models. Toddler, teenager x2, adult x2 and kinda slightly more buff man. And thats it. Despite enemy models having more unique shapes. So models exist that could be used? Granted Im not a game developer so maybe that would be difficult to pull off. We currently have 43 playable characters with 4 unique skin types. Pale, 1 character with a warmer pale skin tone and 1 character with grey skin and then 2 tanned characters. Since Im not allowed to argue about representation according to Twitter I will just say that seeing the same stuff over and over again is becoming quite stale. Even for me. A white lady. We now got the Fatui Harbingers revealed and that seems hype at first until you realize that on one hand they are generic anime villains you have all seen before. And on the other hand Hoyoverses strict 6 model concept made it obvious which of them will die for sure. Which really shouldnt happen. Dont get attatched to Igor but Genshin, tiny elderly man is not a viable playable model, he is dead meat. Sumeru in general has no theme to its designs, even excluding leaks (though the official art confirmed the leaks as accurate) while you could tell if a character was from Mondstadt, Inazuma or Liyue you seriously cant with Sumeru. Tighnari and Dori look so unlike each other I would believe you if you told me they were from different games.

Quality of Life: The most obvious issues is the Artifact RNG, I think its the one thing we can all agree on. But also why cant we safe artifact sets to quick switch between builds?

Most importantly though New Players. If you were to join now and pull Kujo Sara off the standard banner you would get stuck with a completely useless unit until you finish all of Mondstadt and Liyue and some long winding quests in Inazuma. By then you probably already invested in more accessable characters and no longer need a Kujo Sara or you no longer like her because of the hassle. And maybe you think its not that bad. But it wont get better over time. Imagine the last region comes out. And you see the cryo archon deciding thats the character you will start playing for… if you even get her you then have her in Mondstadt. If you´re lucky someone pointed out the test run so you can at least get her to lvl 40. But thats it. Until you do EVERYTHING to get to Sneznaya you will not be able to level her talents. Get her past lvl 40 etc. Making your Archon a brick you have to drag along. And this needs to be pointed out and complained about or it wont change and lets be real here! Hoyoverse doesnt read our surveys. Its just a front to make us feel heard. Customer Service is so bad you are lucky if you get a hacked account back, though even if you do they dont restore destroyed or wasted currency or items.

The fix isnt even that difficult. Put in a traveling merchant who sells materials like Kujo Saras flowers. Hell put a buying limit of ten each week in and cycle it out each day.

Make a dream solvent type item for regular bosses. So you can transform the loot from the cryo regisvine into that of the electro oceanid. Hoyoverse still forces you to farm for resin but you can level your character at least.

I sincerely like the game despite my rough tone on twitter, but I am frustrated and feel unseen and silenced by a fanbase that rather die on the hill of defending a BILLION dollar company than admit flaws with this game. I just want the game improve and not be milked and lef tin the dust for other games. Because thats what happening. Genshin is financing Star Rail and other Hoyoverse projects and they put in the bare minimum for their cash cow to stay marketable when New Players are truely the ones most fucked over.

#genshin impact #critique #hoyoverse #text post

[miku-life-tips]

yk what, fuck it, all of them, 1-50

 Do you have freckles?  Yes, several, I've had only two for as long as I can remember, the rest have slowly come in over time

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?  Hate both, coffee smells disgusting, sweet tea turned me off tea

What was the last song you listened to?  Currently listen to Creek, Thunder by The Reverent Marigold

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? Yes, no, yes. I get ill if I sleep on my stomach, it's odd

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?  Several currently, but the main one is from 10 years ago! Almost 11 now! She is a pink poodle named Bubbles

Do you prefer drawing or writing?  Writing, I'm not the best at drawing, but I have years of writing experiences so I think I'm pretty decent :D

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? Depends, either 2 or 3, 2 if it's hot, 3 if it's not. (Younger me would say just the comforter)

What’s your favorite band/artist? Whatever Spotify shows me rn!

When is your birthday? You will know when it is because I will 100% post like Its my Birthday :D But October 19th lol

How tall are you? 5'1, am short

What color are your eyes? Blue, at least that's what my ID says :D

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? No one! Already hugged my mom today :D

Fears? Several! Spiders, deep water, irl social interaction, needles for example

What’s your favorite color? Purple, blue, black, red, any really tbh

What’s your favorite season? Ah. I don't know. Spring or Winter

Want any tattoos? What of? I'm good without! lol

Want any piercings? Where? Not really already got the standard ears ones (though. one is closed now. The other got reopened by a bee)

Who is the last person you texted? My friend!

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? I have 2! One since Elementary School (3rd grade to be exact), the other since Middle School (7th I think)

What/who do you miss? I've been missing a lot of things recently. I don't really know exactly what yet though

How was your day today? It was Ok, work is work lol 

How much sleep did you get last night? None! I work night shift lol

Answered Already!

When was the last time you cried? Why? When the video about Technoblade came out.

What’s your favorite decade?  I like the 2000s, like 2010 and stuff

What are some seemingly childish things you like?  Stuffed animals, dressing up, toys

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? The Treasure Box by Penelope J. Stokes!

How are you, really? Tired...

Does it take you a long time to make decisions?  Sometimes! It depends :D

Answered Already!

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? I'd rather not think about it!

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?  Anywhere? I'm not sure tbh

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Have to lol, the animals

What’s your favorite flower? I love Lilies of the Valley!

Do you currently have a squish? I don't know what that means!

Do you like your middle name? Yeah :D 

Do you prefer dogs or cats? I like cats a bit more

Do you have any phobias? Aren't fears and phobias the same?

Do you stay up late? I work night shift!

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? Ugh no, hate sand 

What’s your favorite cartoon? I like Gravity Falls, Hilda, and Centaur World :D

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs I don't want to bother anyone >.<

Do you have siblings? How many? Yes, 2. I am the youngest 

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Probably my mom! I say it a lot

Is there anyone you would die for? Ah, probably not >.< Dont like the idea of dying tbh 

What do you need when you’re sad?  A hug, reassurance

Have you memorized your phone number? Nope!

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? My friend! She knows who she is!

What does your last text say?  I love him (It was about Genshin Character Thoma)

Wild Card. Any question, ask away.  I already answered 49, what more is there lol

#long post

[inkybinkyboink]

alright no thoughts head empty just clopin as an elementary school teacher bc thats what its come to i am cringe but i am free

at first he was like “i would never become a teacher” like 100% had his mind set on other careers

but then after a while he was like skkkdfjkfjgjnmmmmmm maybe it wouldnt be so bad

and then he did his substitute teaching hours and it all kind of really grew on him

and then he applied at an primary school in the area and they hired him to teach little grade 2 kiddies

he arrives in like mid-august and immediately after his first day he’s like “esmerelda we have to go staples and walmart oh my god my classroom is a mess i bet the person who taught before me was the math teacher” or something like that

he gets permission to repaint his classroom from this boring white to this really soft gentle yellow 

he cleans the chalk and whiteboards and repaints the chalkboards with this black chalk paint instead of green

painstakingly puts little fabric grips on the bottoms of every single desk and chair so that they dont scrape across the floor so loudly. 

he puts the desks in cluster squares of 4 and then tapes little name tags to all the little assigned seats. 

man gets a fuck ton of lamps so he doesnt have to worry about the fluorescents bothering anyone including himself.

has a corner with beanbags and stuff and comfy chairs 

a big ass bookshelf full of books that kids can take from as they please 

he gets so nervous the night before that everything’s gonna go to shit and the kids wont like him 

spends the first week of school making sure everyone’s settled in, takes a good chunk of time to introduce himself, simple things the kids can understand. little cool facts like “ive been to 4 different countries” and “my best friend has a pet goat”

he tells them like “ive assigned your seats for you but if you really really dont like them we can definitely switch you around”

he makes sure to keep things like,,,stimulative? like if its nice out they go outside to learn, or instead of making them read independently he reads them a book. they have movie fridays

he has plants in the window

man is so patient

doesnt get annoyed at the kids being loud or chaotic bc he knows theyre kids and they have a lot of energy and if theyre mimicking like internet trends its bc theyre again, kids and that’s part of learning in a fucked up way

he’s always there for them. like constantly. they need something clopin has it. a kid is sad? mr. trouillefou has a pep talk and a jolly rancher waiting for you

this might be self projecting but he never does anything competitive. like everyones a winner in his class

he brings in “special guests” to tell them about stuff and its just phoebus answering questions like “had you ever fight anybody?” 

man is the first to volunteer if theres a field trip hes a sucker for those

he has a little drawer of snacks incase kids forgot to bring something

worries about his kids too and worries he didnt show each and every one he cares for them enough 

knows theyre getting too old for nap time but still ocassionally has little meditation sessions where he asks them to get comfortable anywhere in the classroom and he goes around and walks and talks and “i just want you to breath for a moment and know that here you are safe, and loved, and cared for.” and just have a moment of downtime.

his boyfriend popping in and bringing like doughnut holes for all the kids a couple times a year.

oh my god he brings in his dog and its just this incredibly gentle golden retriever who loves all the kids and lays down by their desks to keep them company 

ok that is all goodbye

#clopin

[csmean]

Hello its Zoo!

Hello its Zoo (not the literal zoo, though that would be funny) from Stygians. Sorry it took me so long to track things down, I'm a bit of a boomer when it comes to social media, and it took me longer to actually remember... how to log in.. or use...tumblr because the last time I used it was around 5 years ago... 

Anyway, I thought it would be extremely facetious of me to just not address this in the open since I was linked here like 12323 times so here we go. I do want to preface this with, anything outside the Stygians discord and Stygians site/ DA group I prefer not to get involved with because it is none of my business! Nothing and nobody is perfect (and you'd be deluding yourself it you thought so). People make mistakes and poor decisions all the time. Sometimes, they get fixed, sometimes they dont, and its up to you to decide where you want to go from there. I used to be part of Gaiaonline dot com and back in the day we had drama forums instead of asks, and they were all anon random usernames submitting blogs about people they hated, or things they didn't like, or hilariously, ugly adopt designs. The internet is circular, and back in the day I learned just to let those go their natural course as well because sometimes people just need an outlet and/or are miserable and/or just want to see the world burn. Who knows! Anyway sorry longass tangent leading to here:

Regarding guest artist leaks, the juicy part: the reason why I came to directly address this is because it breaks a thousand TOSes (which I'll touch on in a moment) and is a complete breach of contract between the GA posting the leaks, and the species they were hired to be a guest artist on. I mean there's a thousand ethical issues too like, if I am hired to do something somewhere, do I have a right to steal/take that company's assets? Legally, no, but pokemon leaks happen, genshin leaks happen, that kind of stuff doesn't bother me as much. It literally doesn't bother me if people want to post like cropped thumbnails of Stygian leaks from upcoming guests, though it is again, shitty, to do so, its not enough for me to write a 10000 word essay about it, instead of fixing legit site bugs/ working on owed work. What does bother me is ripping off the final sale assets from the guest artists, again this is on me I should have made them more secure, but the catch22 is I didn't expect a GA to actually be this unprofessional as an artist. I'll repeat what I wrote to the guest artists: 

"If you worked hard on something, a piece of art, anything, and someone else took that final product from you and distributed in some format elsewhere (coughnfts), in a way other people can consume the design outside of its intended release, then you can see why this is an issue! Especially so when guest artists not only dropped off their pngs, but also extra assets such as extra backgrounds, props, lore notes, psds just for the owners of these sales. I dont think anyone would be happy, for example, if they bought a design, and someone else had also saved a copy to clone as their own with all the assets, this is still a huge breach of trust. I don't want to go on for too long, because this isn't to shame anyone, this is simply to explain, why this is such a huge issue, especially since this is a policy meant to protect all guest artists as well from being exploited @ having their assets reused elsewhere. Stygians itself as a species has so many opportunities for free designs, there really is no reason to leak guest designs unless its literally to spite the guest artists themselves OTL." 

That's it! 10000 word essay part 1/2 done. Throughout all of last night, I had to deal with multiple dms, chaos, fire, the usual. But I also had to deal with guest artists who had made accompanying pieces of work they spent days on for the upcoming sales voicing concerns their extra work intended for the sale winner would just be stolen and ripped off, and voicing concerns people would just take their entire .psds uploaded. This is where I truly have the issue: the fact that the artists intended them only for a specific use, very similar to if you sub to an artist patreon and get patreon only assets from an artist, those are meant to be consumed just on the patreon (again still an issue but less of an issue if you guys share this via dms but in public is a huge oof). Its all fun and harmless if you are just sharing, but we don't know the intentions of everyone reading on the blog: assets such as backgrounds, .psds, and more can easily be resold/ redistributed. This would probably be known better as art theft. I mean someone once stole my old 2004 pokemon DA art and printed it off/sold it/pretended to be me. Its hilarious, but it sucks, and nobody would want that to happen to their stuff.

I did some backread skimming here but honestly, I get it. Leaks are fun, they're entertaining! I wish I could stop people but ultimately, but I can only try my best to explain why please do not post a full artist's dropoffs for their sake. I mean if for personal/private consumption you linked images for your buddies on discord thats not going to get me as riled up either. Shit like that happens, just don't make it literally a breach of contract shit @ stealing other peoples works for your personal gain/ full .pngs/ .psds etc! 

Thanks again Mushy for moderating this and for reconsidering. It's a wild west out here and I wish you the best. This will be my first and my last submission here, only because I know where I am and I am very aware the fallout from doing this but I feel like this is part of an even larger discussion than just Stygians: to lay groundwork in the future about artist rights, artist permissions, and art theft. Whether you like or hate Stygians, or like or hate adopts in general, I wish nobody no ill will. That's life, you have to take the good with the bad. I'm just here trying to protect 20+ artists and make a stand on why artists NEED to be protected, because so many of them work for pennies, and so many people are just small time artists just doing their best. I'll continue to hire new and returning guest artists for Stygians because again, its hard to get work in these trying times, and I hope other species continue this tradition as well! For those trying to make a new species, you can do it! Its tough work and it involves a lot of crying blood, and your first attempt may end up in failure, but if its a passion you believe in, I think its always possible. Ventures are 50% skill and 50% luck after all. 

Heya, Mushy here! Sorry about my delay in posting, I've been out all day with friends on a much-needed zoo excursion 😂

I am really sorry that all of this has happened. I really shouldn't have entertained the thought of posting the leaked designs. It's been awhile since I've bought something from a flatsale or auction due to not having had any money, but with what little I've saved, I was eager to get something finally, and being able to to participate in the next GA wave had me excited.

But the more I thought about it, I realized that it was incredibly disrespectful to the artists who have worked hard and haven't consented to having their work posted early, and decided against it. As a fellow hard-working artist myself, I am ashamed that I was about to act that selfishly just because of my own deer cravings. As much as I preach on here about breaking free of your cs chains, stygs really do have a death grip on me 😭

Again, I'm incredibly sorry. I love stygians and I love this group, and I'm sorry that I very nearly caused problems for people. I know the search feature on this blog is broke af, but the entire stygians tag on here is just filled with me gushing about them and other people saying nice things about em as well. No group is flawless, but stygs are pretty up there in terms of especially good species groups to be in, and I've loved all of my years with you guys, and I hope to have more.

#submission #stygians

[pebblethief]

regretting my tinder experiment for dumb weird reasons i will vent about in here bc this is too much for one tiny brain to keep inside entirely

tl;dr  i was just like “idk maybe i should try it” and now ive got ALL THESE THOUGHTS and its annoying and id like it to go away lol

triiiied to organise this?

i have caught Feelings. not for anyone in particular but my “random spikes of Lonely” have now become an unpleasant beast on my shoulder

but also weirdly im like.....can i even be fucking bothered? is this worth it? tinder fucking sucks

its got me questioning what i even want in a “gotta do fucking soul searching now” kind of way. like yes ultimately what i want is the same: basically a very good friend who i occasionally get to fuck? lol. which is basically what most long term relationships *are*. but do i actually care about the romance stuff? idk! maybe i actually just want friends and to get over my hookup issues. maybe i want something more open. maybe the ‘hm what if /dont/ want romance much’ is actually Issues talking? idfk!

so now i gotta soul search i guess. which is fucking lame and annoying

maybe i am just being an anxious dweeb about the whole Getting To Know people sort of stuff lol

maybe im being all ‘gonna be alone forever so lets just throw some different reasons for that into the ring’

.

and all of this isnt bc im like.....frustrated at lack of matchs lmao.ive barely swiped on anyone! and i keep being fussy for weird reasons so the number ive done the good swipe on is way smaller!

and i panicked and immediately unmatched 2 of the 4 matches ive got so far lmfao oops (and one of them ive not replied to at all double oops)

so i have literally spoken to one (1) guy on there and true i didnt know him but i did know he was friends with some of my friends so already knew he is at least not awful

.

i just hate the *format* of tinder. theres so little info and i need to make a decision from this right now?? i cant go back and change my mind?? let me think about it damn!

i really do hate getting to know people so i am being picky bc sure youre hot but do you seem like youre worth me subjecting myself to smalltalk?

and bc there is so little info i keep thinking random qs like “does this guy seem like he might at least pretend to be interested when i go off on one about the oseberg tablet weaving find?” (if u strip the specifics this is important! i got niche interests id be miserable if i couldnt ramble!)

bumble isnt much better. grindr is a hellhole

.

[strange positives?]

WEIRDLY (for me), actually a lot of this is more “i dont want to compromise who i am as a person” and “hm i havent checked in on myself what i actually do want rn” vs like “im too awful i shouldnt even subject myself to this. the dudes swiping on everyone dont deserve to try and coax conversation out of me” if that makes sense?

i was expecting it to tank my self esteem but eh nah not really

even when dude was like ‘not quite sure im feeling a relationship here at the moment’? i was a bit mopey til i realised it didnt actually bug me (guess id just assumed it did and got mopey automatically??) and it hasnt changed our conversation style much other than we’re not trying to impress each other any more lmao (so its actually better now?)

I DONT KNOW

i was just like “idk maybe i should try it” and now ive got ALL THESE THOUGHTS and its annoying and id like it to go away lol

im hoping this bloodletting has released some of the circling in my brain

#this is a very weird post i guess im just talking to myself

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying #the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored #but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either #so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do? #how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask #but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao #i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make #me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go) #but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response #then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up. #so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does #that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings. #i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people #and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught #or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting #oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words. #hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in #but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like #lee rants #im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff #only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation #but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭

[deedoessurvies]

two

When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly? Im doing that today. my last one has been since like november which is wild. ive just been so busy.

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? Zero. close but zero.

When was the last time you made up a word? Did people think it was weird? i make up sayings often but they arent necessarily a made up word.

How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? when dating Z its like 2-3x a month.

What is one of those movies that you could never get tired of watching? sleepless in seattle, you've got mail, something borrowed, maid of honor, pride & prejudice

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? here and a couple months ago. we are very close to rain season

Have you ever begged the opposite sex for anything at all? not that i can recall.

Are there many places to shop in the town you live in? What kinds? my town is small.. there are places to shop like grocery stores and small businesses. theres a habitat for humanity store, a military supply store, uhhh beauty stores, stuff like that.

When was the last time you bought shoes? What do they look like? I bought FRYE boots !!!!!! grandma would be so dang proud. I hope she sees this somehow haha. i got them in january some time.

Do you like surveys with really in-depth questions, like mine? Yeah.i wish there were more.

When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? im in my 30s so it doesnt really work that way anymore.

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever cheated on you? Were you mad or sad? cheating sucks period. just break up with the person.

Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? uhhhhh OH funny mini story. so sometimes K will send me letters in the mail. but i guess sometimes his handwriting for my street name is blurred so when that happens it gets sent to this chick like 4 blocks away. anywho, she LEGIT admitted to reading a letter of mine one time (wtf) and she basically fell in love with K for the things he was saying and when she reached out to me on FB to get me the letter, she was like omg i love him, you need to forgive him, yadda yadda. then later on she reached out to me and was like I can read your tarot cards and read your palms and stuff if you want! (wtf) lol

Are you a superstitious person? Have you ever been superstitious before? no.

Do you like any songs from country music? If so, which ones do you like? i love country songs. hundreds and hundreds.

Can people read your facial expressions easily? If so, why is this? typically no, im pretty good at hiding my emotions. not saying that in a proud way, because obviously it is good to feel your feels (within reason right) but nah

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where did you go to? uhhhhhhh golly. over the summer i went to Tennessee so theres that. How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Guesstimate if not sure. i think 26.

When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? Oh i watch them. i dont think ive ever not watched them unless its obscenely gory and then ill just close my eyes or something.

What kind of instant messaging service do you use? Why do you use this? usually just messages on my phone. sometimes messenger, google chat, or whatsapp

When was the last time your area had a tornado warning, if ever? last summer.

Have you ever had one of those major fights with your current bf/gf? im currently single. was almost taken but that blew up over distance. i am so over distance.

Does it ever bother you when people use abbreviations for certain words? i very seldom care about the way people type.

Would it creep you out if you walked in on your best friend having sex? creep? no. would i be like SO embarrassed, yes but would i move on from it probably. lol. its natural, whatever.

When was the last time you said ‘I love you?’ Who did you say it to? romantically? C and i say it a lot to one another.

Do you have any of those freaky phobias that make no sense at all? my phobia makes sense.

Do you ever look at random people and think they could be a serial killer? >> YES. when I swipe on dating profiles im like "you have the look of someone who would happily skin another person" lol

Does it scare you when the sky gets really cloudy and dark during the day? no i LOVE IT. give me the clouds, gimme the stormy skies.

What was the last amusement park you went to? Did you have fun? busch gardens. yes, its just so daaaaaaaang hot.

[im-faelu]

where'd you go????

hi! if you're reading this you're either a stranger that clicker on my profile with a curiosity to sate, a worried friend or aquaintance or somebody who's stalking me (in which case.. why??) i would like to prefrace this with the fact that i͟ a͟m͟ o͟k͟a͟y͟,͟ s͟a͟f͟e͟,͟ a͟n͟d͟ n͟o͟t͟ d͟e͟a͟d͟ o͟r͟ s͟o͟m͟e͟ s͟h͟i͟t͟!͟

ive decided to take a break from using discord in my day to day life, and as such i'm just..putting it down. cold turkey. i feel right now that i dont really have friends or people to consistently talk to and because of that discords become largely uneccesary for me right now. I decided that i wanted to try and focus on personal projects and self-reflection. throughout the 10 days that 2024 has offered i've been largely by myself. waking up, having little chit-chats with aquaintances and friends and not really actually being around people in a way thats meaningful. Being alone and with my own thoughts and not generally having people around to keep myself grounded, in the late-nights spent gaming i had a moment of weakness. I couldn't shake the thought, "What if i died?". Generally i dont usually feed into these thoughts. but it struck me. "How long would it take for anyone in my world to notice?" And i dont like that. I dont like it at all. Thoughts like this are spurred on by my BPD and make me want to rapidly remove myself as a test to others. and I dont like feeling like that. So, why am i leaving if it seemingly looks like that said spur of the moment bout-of rapid removal? Because i want to feel like i am not inside the box. I dont want to feel like i'm doing this because of that feeling, i want to do this because taking myself from any social setting makes that impossible. I want to spend my time and days not having to worry about others, and as it is i'm not generally using discord already, but i feel like removing myself from the platform for a bit makes things better. While im gone im just going to be working on my own personal projects and taking the steps i need to, to be a better and happier person who isn't neccesarily reliant onothers. i feel largely that i do not like the person that i am. So i will be taking my time and carefully putting together who i am and what i'm all about. I feel i lost this aspect of myself in my last serious relationship with my ex, hayden, and with the subsequent decline of my friendship with my friend ana. They are not the core-root of these issues but i feel like these things have obsfuscated my process of being. and for that i need to put the puzzle pieces back together.

WHEN WILL YOU RETURN?

Honestly? Iunno. I want to come back in a months time. but i just wana focus on stuff i want to do, not worry about anyone else but myself for a bit.

WHERE CAN I FIND YOU??

You can find me on other platforms, and games. If we've met and talk you probably know me from a social media (Twitter) platform or a multiplayer game (FFXIV, Roblox).

HELP I DONT HAVE YOU ON EITHER!

On TUESDAYS and FRIDAYS between 2-7, I will be semi-active, but invisible status on Discord. Any other time, and i will not have the Application open nor actively checking for it. Please leave me a message and i will get back to you within 15m of me reading said-messege. If i feel comfortable enough i will lend you my twitter, as it's my main-platform that i use every day. No minors allowed and i tweet absolutely everything i want. w/ little filter. If you've read this to its entirety, congratulations! im happy you care enough to worry about my wellbeing. If you chose to skim parts and not neccesarily care about alot of the stuff ive said in this, i'm a little dissapointed. Why even bother? If you skipped it all, you dissapoint me immensely. or you're a stranger that doesnt care, either way. jump off a microwave. As my closing words i would like to say that for the duration of 1/10/24, for the next few hours i'll be semi-active handing out my twitter user to those who wish. I will be working on myself and my own projects! Till then travelers...