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#it's disappointing that it ended like this. it hurts
its a special kinda pain to watch your younger sibling grow into everything your parents always expected of you
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caducaceclay · 15 days ago
I’ve never understood why there seems to be an unspoken hierarchy of relationships where being a couple is somehow more meaningful or valid than being friends. You can love someone and not be in a romantic relationship. You can have a deep attachment and affection for someone without dating them.
Essek and Caleb are nothing if not pragmatic individuals, and they made the decision to end their romantic relationship at a certain point but they clearly remained close friends. That shouldn’t invalidate their feelings for one another! Sometimes life happens and relationships have to end even when you still love the other person. Audiences love a neatly tied up happily ever after, but they’re not realistic.
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firebirdsdaughter · 28 days ago
… The V&V summary dropped and how many different ways can I say I called it?
#Kamen Rider Zero-One#Kamen Rider Zero One#siiiiiiiiiiiigh#I knew it's be Like this#I had no hope and I'm still disappointed#at the very least Takahashi…#let him be broken up about it?#like it doesn't fit w/ Fuwa to buy into the 'necessary evil' bullcrap for one thing#like… I have no expectations for Yua but…#can Fuwa pls just… care?#I know it's gonna 'Girl Gets '''''Hurt''''' So Guy Goes on Rampage' again which is just so tired#and w/ 01 has so many just… not great treads already#like please get some imagination#and hey maybe I am being harsh maybe they'll surprise me#I expected to be fucked over completely by the ending and they did let Horobi live like he deserved to at least#for like… five minutes before humans ruined it again but ya know#like gods this isn't big deep and meaningful#just accept that some humans are shit and that there need to be vocal Hu#maGear activists who aren't mister messiah Aruto#let mnjr be these poor androids have been through SO much already#Ikazuchi got bounced around like a beach ball#Naki got trodden all over and then shot and stuffed in some stranger's brain#Jin lost his whole family and himself#Horobi had everything taken from him and was gutted down to a puppet barely allowed a relationship w/ his son#they've bee through so much bc of humans can't we just let them rest???#why is it such a horrible thing to let there be HumaGear aware of us being awful?#like what we can only coexist w/ HumaGear if we selectively train them to think how we want???#is that your message Takahashi??? Well IS IT????#BC THAT'S BULLSHIT#sorry I'm tired my ankle hurts and I am very grumpy
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neocute1 · a month ago
I'm having a bit of a rough time right now...
Out of nowhere, I got hit with some rough memories and pet issues during finals weeks and when all of my weekends are busy so I have no time to cool down.
Starting with the rough memories, back in January or December we had to take my 13 (or 14 we don't know) year old dog to the vet. She has a growth on the inside of her nose that was bothering her. And we were told that it was either a) nothing, just a normal cyst from old age that may clog one of her nostrils completely, or b) cancer that would most likely kill her in 6 months.
6 months is June. That much I remember. And I said she's 13 or 14, so she's already elderly and starting to have health problems. And if it is cancer, it's not painful or decreasing her quality of life. She'll be fine until she's just not one day. That, on top of it would take a $1000-2000 surgery that would take off half her nose and decrease her quality of life to remove it to even know for certain it was cancer, and even then that might not be all of it, my family made the decision that we weren't gonna do it.
So I got hit with that memory I'd pushed to the back of my mind a couple days ago because guess what, it's only 2 weeks until June.
And today, we took my cat into the vet. My namesake. He's had kidney stones for over a year now, and he hasn't gotten better. We've done everything we could, multiple vet visits, prescription food, no treats except the ones designed to reduce kidney stones, etc. He's been feeling kinda bad the last few days and it's been a couple months since his last visit so the vet wanted to see if he was getting any better.
No, he's not. His kidney stones are larger now and all the dieting and stuff has done nothing as far as the vet can tell. So now the kidney stones are large enough that he needs surgery.
Guess when? June. He's scheduled to go in for surgery in late June, right after my family gets back from our vacation that was scheduled months and months ago. The vet said it won't matter that it'll be a couple weeks later because he's already been sick for over a year. But I was there at the vet when we found that out today.
And on top of that, I've been fairly busy non stop for a good 2-3 weeks, including during the weekends, and will continue to be so until the end of school. So I've had pretty much no time to just sit and relax.
I'm leaving for a camp the first weekend after school's out for a week, and before I go I have to pack and clean and set up care instructions for my lizard.
Basically I just got super busy and will be busy until I'll be gone at a camp and then when I'm back my cat will get surgery and oh yeah my dog might die from cancer in that time and on top of that I'm starting to slip on my school work I've tried so hard to stay on top of these last couple months. And it's finals.
Fun times. I'm doing absolutely lovely thanks.
#And also the girl I like is currently asking for my help setting her up with another girl#who happens to be very pretty and not straight and has already flirted with her#but it's not like I was gonna ask her out so I'm not gonna get in the way#and it's not like even if I did end up dating her we'd do that well anyway#I'm aware we're not compatible.#she's demiromantic I'm demisexual.#we both have commitment issues#for me if I get in a relationship I'll give it my all and that gives me anxiety/I won't get in relationships without confidence it'll work#for her she has problems dedicating herself to a relationship and only wants something short term/causal#which is pretty much the OPPOSITE of each other's needs#so we work best as friends who flirt and call each other wife#but like knowing that logically doesn't make it hurt less#especially considering I'm watching her go through a gay panic like I did over her for months#and I was pretty sure that she liked me back but didn't want to make things awkward#anyway I don't really know why I'm ranting in the tags about love problems#probably because she's the person I talk to about other problems and I DEFINITELY can't tell her this stuff#but yeah I'm a mess#and I'm pulling an all nighter#and I went from being chill and confident and doing great to absolutely collapsing under stress in like a day#and I feel like I'm disappointing my family because they wanted to spend time together since last week I had no homework#but my sister had work in the evenings#and this week she doesn't and I have homework#so I'm stopping them from doing what they want to do#and my catholic guilt is an established problem with me#where I feel guilty for simply existing and being human and needing things to live and be healthy#so I'm ranting to tumblr again because this is my safe space to complain because if you don't wanna see it you can just not#instead of ranting at my friends who actually know the girl and the pets and would have strong emotions to all this info#I mean it's basically just a public diary so why not just pour my heart out when I can't anywhere else?
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#the really funny thing is that my behavior didn’t change at all once I started thinking I was bi. other than going on a few dates which#like truly the main difference between the genders for me is that women are far more terrifying#because men could kill me but women could make me feel like shit like#dating a man would be like trying to be American Ninja Warrior Champion#it’s still impossible for me physically mentally spiritually emotionally and I would not make it to the end#but it’s full of recognizable obstacles that I have seen many other people take on before and sure most of them have failed#but like. I know what the obstacles are#whereas dating a woman seriously would just be like asking a magic eight ball#“for what reason do I not deserve to be loved today#and just like. getting a deeply personal answer akdjshjdjdjjdhhsjd#no I’m serious bi people only but if anyone is reading this which I’m half hoping somebody is#do you ever feel this way too?#that a man deciding you weren’t lovable would hurt your feelings but you’d be over it in a few months#but a woman deciding you weren’t lovable would cripple you emotionally for like the next entire decade#every now and then I see people who know a lot about adhd talking about rejection sensitive dysphoria#and obviously I am a know nothing child but like. that’s how being rejected by a woman would feel#I swear that the one woman I went on multiple dates with like. I just felt like I was doomed to disappoint her and she was always kind#but I still feel guilty for even wastin her time by asking her to go on dates with me#guys. not to overshare but since this is tumblr and you’re in MY tags this is clearly content you want#you ever just sit there thinking I’ll never get married and I’ll never even be a bridesmaid because there’s nobody within two decades of me#who like#cares???????#*bangs on the glass of my enclosure*#god. god you Bastard. come in here. I just want to talk#to delete
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simmingmoments · 2 months ago
“Currently” Tag game
tagged by @softeberrie thank you!
five songs you’ve been listening to on repeat recently?
I actually haven’t been listening to music recently. I always have videos playing when I’m at home and I listen to podcasts when I go out (which is almost never these days). I really like A Hot Dog Is A Sandwich (Mythical Kitchen) and Psychology in Seattle because Dr Kirk’s voice soothes my soul.
last movie you watched?
I rewatched Palm Springs a couple of weeks ago, one of my favourite movies ever.
currently watching?
A lot of Youtube during the day and rewatching Grey’s Anatomy kinda backwards at night. (I first started at s13 and up, and now I’m doing 11 and up, and then I’ll keep going backwards. I have watched the first 10 seasons much more often than the latest ones so I’m trying to make up for it.) I’ve also been watching Santa Clarita Diet to calm down when Grey’s Anatomy pisses me off.
I started a Stephen King book last summer and I still haven’t finished it. I usually like to read on the bus but I haven’t taken the bus since last year, so...
tagging: @an0nymousghost @villereals @void-imp @thesim-tea
Feel free to ignore if you’ve already done it of course :)
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rainecloud020604 · 2 months ago
When someone cant tell the difference between a venty poem and one about an oc *dabs* 
#shush raine |random nonsense and rambles|#this is actually 100% amusing to me djafaklsjfklsa like i vent through ocs and also ocs have lots of pain and its pretty funny#those poems are not about ocs for anyone who wants to know actually they are my personal thoughts into a poem and i am about to info dump#Star covered lies is now a favorite like self-reflective demise because they are short simple yet strike deep in a way#both my english teacher loves and the original copy of star covered lies is on her poetry wall and ;;;; yeah#star covered lies is actually based off of the line from ashes to dust or something like that cause i saw a friends play the other day#and his part one of the few anyways was him talking about that called tomb with a view from all i need to know i learned in kindergarten#which that part hit me hard and was my fave part of the play cause god d a m n#the poem is about self worth because i mean..ashes and dust arent worth much are they? then why are we that?#Word Beast is mostly about my selective mutism!! that and also my anxiety and how much it overtakes me and it can make me really distressed#and also my s//cidal thoughts that sometimes come with mental state and like how you need to overcome such cause like..its hard#words are heavy and can hurt or heal you choose what yours do and how you handle your thoughts and the word beast#white stained lace is another venty one about how i feel like a disappointment and how when im really upset i do end up really poetic#i compare myself to a dirt stain on a white dress cause thats how i feel my family views me and they do tend to avoid me in public#and being poetic when a trait that sorta runs in my family according to my dad who is the same way#that and I feel pretty weak and worthless when this hits me all at once#BUT oh my god all of you saying it reminds you of ocs honestly makes me pretty happy cause i want this to be viewed differently#through everyones eyes and it makes me really happy seeing that
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edna-skiffens · 2 months ago
I’ve seen the drama circulating and I don’t necessarily want to get into it, but I have thoughts and I want to say them.
So yes, Tom signed on for a new role. One where he is also an executive producer. A move he has talked about wanting to make.
It’s another dark role. It deals with another sensitive subject (mental illness). I, myself, have suffered with a few mental illnesses so I know how it feels to have them portrayed stereotypically in media.
But my issue isn’t with any of that.
My issue is with many people’s assumptions and reactions.
Would we love to see him in something lighter? Sure. But it’s not our career. It’s his. We aren’t the ones that would be going to work everyday. He is. If he likes acting in darker roles then let him. If he wants to move in this direction, let him. He doesn’t act to make anyone happy. He does it because he loves it. And if he isn’t interested in doing certain roles then he doesn’t owe it to anyone to do them.
Here’s the thing: The series isn’t even out yet. We don’t know what it’ll be like. Again, I fully understand the frustration when mental illness is portrayed inaccurately in media- but we don’t know that it will be! It hasn’t been be filmed! Tom has said he wants to work with more mental health charities and Harry has talked about dealing with mental health, so I’m hoping he will understand the importance, take the time and care and do the research for this role. Look at his past roles, he has a history of doing the research and learning about the subject. Especially as an exec. producer he has the opportunity to have more of a say to make it better. And maybe it won’t be- maybe it’ll be like many others. But automatically jumping to that conclusion isn’t supporting him and his craft. If you trust him as an actor then trust that he will take care and give it his best.
Also, you don’t have to support him by watching his work. Especially if it’s triggering to you or not something you’re interested in. But trashing or canceling him for a role he is excited about (that comes with an exec. producer title - which is the direction he is aiming to go in - so I can only assume he is thrilled about this piece of the project) is not being a fan. I can’t imagine how it would’ve felt if he was buzzing about this project (which he knows the details of - we don’t) and then he sees his own fans tearing it down.
And don’t get me started on the meme. Again, if Tom likes playing “problematic characters” then let him. Many actors find a niche in darker roles. I love writing that theme, but it’s often looked down upon. But to call someone with a mental illness “problematic” is demoralizing and stigmatizing and a part of the problem. And further, I’m assuming there’s a reference to Cherry and calling a war vet with PTSD that becomes an addict “problematic” is so hurtful to those going through that. Not to mention that both of these roles are based on real people.
Bottom line:
It’s his career - not yours. It’s his choice in the roles he picks - not yours. It’s his daily life - not yours.
The series isn’t even out yet. So stop it with the assumptions and judgements at least until it’s out.
You don’t have to be a fan. But if you’re going to be then rethink what it means. It doesn’t mean you’re forced to watch everything he’s in. But fans aren’t supposed to tear down either.
If you want to watch a romcom then watch a romcom. Tom doesn’t have to be in it.
And PLEASE, be delicate when it comes to discussing the characters and mental health as he navigates these roles.
Also! I am very aware this isn’t all of the fandom.. and to the amazing fans here’s a kiss from Tom and I! 😘😘
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gogobootz · 2 months ago
why am I sooo angry. Like, I know why. But I also know that for the last couple of years I've had opportunities to express that anger that I just totally blew it because of how immature and bratty I chose to act in those situations. I could have proven that my anger was justified and that I was in my place to be so upset in the first place, but I ruined it by being unnecessarily moody. I'm just a brat I guess, and I'm so scared that I'm not going to get any more opportunities to express why I'm upset without people not taking me seriously. I'm so worried about people not taking me seriously because I know that I have reasons for being so hurt but I also know that I caused a lot of problems In the process of realizing that anger. Maybe it's to be expected because I'm a teenager and I'm young and teenagers just suck in that way but idk. I need to be taken seriously about how angry I am or else it's just going to leak out in totally ridiculous situations that don't warrant such a strong reaction. I don't want my feelings to be chalked up to hormones anymore but even more I just don't want to hurt anybody.
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traumacure · 3 months ago
i know i never shut up about it but the fact that my only remaining parent and her husband desperately want me gone hurts a lot. my mom will never love me again, she'll never help me again, she's only begrudgingly housing me at this point. i'm nothing but a failure to her and she just wants me to stop being her problem already. i've said it before but i'm not even a child to her, i'm just an investment that isn't paying off. she doesn't even hide her disappointment or how much she wants me gone anymore and it really hurts!
#i miss when i was a little kid sick with pneumonia she was so gentle then#it was like i was loved for once everyone was so kind and gentle with me#i just want to be taken care of but i've grown too big no one wants to look after a pathetic adult like me#this stopped being cute years ago no one feels bad for me anymore they just get fed up with my shit#my mom will never love me now i'll never earn my way back into her heart it hurts it hurts it hurts#i just wanted my last remaining parent to love me i wanted her to be proud i tried so hard to make her proud i became a 4.0 student#it wasn't enough i couldn't keep it up i had to take some time off and now she's completely given up on me#i loved her i loved her i really did i forgave her so many times even though she'll never apologize#i wanted her to love me i wanted her to be proud of me i just wanted my mom to love me but she only wants me gone#what did i do wrong? i tried so hard i tried so hard i ran myself into the ground trying to be the perfect child#because i saw what she did to the ones who weren't good enough i saw her give up on them i saw her disappointment i saw it all along#i hoped she'd never deem me a failure like she did to my brother but all my good grades meant nothing in the end#i couldn't keep it up and now i've lost whatever scraps of strictly conditional love she had left for me#i've let her down and now she wants me gone it really hurts i tried so hard to win my way into her good graces my entire life#and i couldn't do it i couldn't earn my own mother's love. i'm an unwanted disappointment of a child and it hurts so much#i just wanted my mom to love me why couldn't i even have that much? why am i not worth anything to the only parent i have left?#my dad was a terrible parent for so many reasons but sometimes i wish he lived bc i miss feeling needed#it was awful and unhealthy and abusive and it fucked me up but i miss it sometimes i miss feeling that needed by a parent#i miss him sometimes i really do other times i hate him most of the time i'm just glad he's gone but i miss him now#i miss having a parent who wanted me around at least some of the time#vent#🩹#👓#🚬#💙.txt
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loupettes · 4 months ago
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Whether it's a world, or a relationship, everything has its time. And everything ends.
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dalnim96 · 4 months ago
have you ever feel that your siblings received more love than you that it is so obvious even your neighbours could tell but your parents said "no, they love all of you (siblings) the same" but you still get the same (less) treatment even after being pointed out ?
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