Tumgik
#it's still generally relevant to the course of my life and uh I think I actually like the effects quite a bit
jacksgreysays · 4 months
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Would you ever write academy students having and history class, and learning just how many regimes Team 7 changed, and how "natural disasters" influenced something or another
Hi violetablood! :D
I sort of did this in one of my long ago Three Sentence Fic but I don’t think that’s a proper response to this ask so let’s see…
In a realistic Naruto world, I actually don’t know how important history would be in the academy. Because, I read this somewhere in regards to Boku no Hero Academia, but basically both the hero students and shinobi-to-be are at trade/vocational schools, which means their curricula would be focused towards their future roles in society more so than general knowledge. And not to say that history is useless to shinobi (especially regime changes!) but except for maybe the broadest of timeline regarding the Elemental Nations and somewhat uh… patriotic Konoha and Land of Fire history, I don’t think the Academy would teach much history to their pre-teen future soldiers. Like. These are elementary school kids, the majority of whom will either never leave Konoha or at the very least never leave Land of Fire (or, in a realistic war, be little more than cannon fodder, oof). There’s probably some kind of further education opportunities for those who enter Intel or those who are trained for deep cover, but otherwise I feel like more information is given as needed for whichever impending mission a shinobi gets deployed on.
All of that being said, Team Seven’s regime changing shenanigans are definitely part of the curricula mostly because they have SO CRUCIALLY changed the political, economic, and literal landscape of MULTIPLE COUNTRIES, in addition to being the top of a chain of dominoes that literally led to the creation of a BRAND NEW SHINOBI VILLAGE (and yeah, Land of Birds would be a minor village, but it’s still a whole new village). And also the alliance between Sand, Mist, and Leaf. Which, you know, fingers crossed, lasts for a long time.
The “natural disasters” would probably be part of the further education opportunities given they are probably still ANBU classified and thus would only be relevant to the previously mentioned specific shinobi. Although, I suppose that also depends on how much the “natural disasters” have changed geography (which I imagine is taught a little more widely taught in the academy. Or, at the very least, the breadth is a little wider even though, again, not everyone will leave Land of Fire). Because an earthquake is one thing, but a river having changed paths is another.
… although, to be honest, all of the above is me trying to excuse, diegetically, why I wouldn’t write this fic. Or at least, not as an entire fic devoted to this concept? Like, such a scene would be a part of a larger fic to sort of expositional dialogue something about the worldbuilding. Similar to how the “transcript from Nara Satori’s ‘Lectures on Elemental Chakra’” in Primadonna Girl (fills the void up with celluloid) was meant to bring the concept of specific ratios of blended elemental chakra leading to certain “extinct” blood limits to imply that Shikadai has Magnet Release but doesn’t quite know it.
So a scene in which academy students are learning about a certain genin team affecting international politics via regime changes would have to serve a greater purpose than just glorifying said team’s shenanigans. Like… take the Primadonna Girl universe: on the one hand, of course the propaganda machine that is “protect the village and the Hokage with your life” would want to mention such things like the Great Uzumaki Bridge and how the Nanadaime personally saved the life of the Daimyo of Land of Spring. But would they want to even risk Her name being brought up? All the students know that The Last Loyal Uchiha aka the head of the Konoha Military Police was genin teammates with the Nanadaime and that the Rokudaime was their sensei, but would the academy want to risk students then wondering who their third genin teammate was? How struck from the records would Her name and actions be? Does a certain level of enterprising students investigating flag member of Intel? (Is that maybe even a good thing? Are there ANY clan members who run interference, who watch which clever students find the truth and what those clever students do? Does an older Shiho secretly make copies of those censored reports so that one day the truth can be restored?)
And then, non-diegetically, I suppose the reason why I wouldn’t write it is because it would be either SO MANY CHARACTERS to juggle (an entire class, plus their teacher?) or just a straight up lecture—which I greatly struggled with in the previously mentioned “Lectures on Elemental Chakra”—with the students only tuning in every so often. Or, like, talking over it. And then—even if it is the next generation kids—that’s still a lot of OCs to fill out the numbers. Even with Shino being their teacher. SO MANY CHARACTERS!
… buuuuut now that I consider the whole… political ramifications of school curricula in Primadonna Girl, it does make it more appealing. Because the propaganda/intel/counter-intelligence would be one of the many arenas in which the pro-Shikako and pro-Naruto camps would be duking it out, and I guess that would be an interesting way to get Shino’s (and Chiyako’s and maybe Kiba’s) POV or even what side they’d be on, because I don’t think I’ve yet brought up their opinion of the whole situation.
And if this IS after the (fills the void up with celluloid) installment, then it would be interesting to see how Shikadai does or doesn’t react to the gaps that may or may not be in the history that he now knows is where is secretly banished aunt is supposed to be. And if Shikadai does react (or pointedly DOESN’T react) to certain things then that pulls in other students noticing his behavior (ie, Chouchou, Inojin, and Boruto)
So, like, I guess the answer is maybe I would write this fic under extremely certain circumstances?
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dreamii-yume · 4 months
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Hey yume, glad that chapter 6 was already up! (That 26,000 words thooo)
Anywaysss neru was such a sly foxxxxx (⁠=⁠`⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠) bro didn't even try to hide his words or anything and just went into it 💀
He's such a sadist as well (tho I get the feeling that he was a little kinder(?) Than kaede in my HUMBLE opinion) like I dunnoooo maybe I'm just delusional
And Reina is getting a lil freaky too (like getting a lil masochist as mentioned by Neru) can't blame her tho it's probably a way to cope with the pain ಠ⁠ ⁠೧⁠ ⁠ಠ
I also remembered some of the scenes from the hentai (in Nemu's scene) where she's like getting beat the shit outta her face 💀 I'm glad you didn't follow that (I'm all for the rough and spanking but punching is a no no for me)
I'm a little confused about the last line (⁠´⁠(⁠ェ⁠)⁠`)? Like what does Neru mean?
My lil brain also remembered some scenes from the hentai where there's like a cult there? Like I vividly remember there's people wearing dark cloak and shot, also Rin was like their leader and some shit (can't remember cuz I skipped those scenes to only look at the echi scenes LMAO)
Ps. Also the otome ASMR u recommended to me was awesome (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡ but finding the audio was low-key hard lol. Of course after searching the deep dark web I managed to find the audio (⁠ ͝⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ᕤ
The translation was easy to find lmao and I listened to the tracks but I couldn't really finished it because I'm a lil choosy about my ASMR kdkdkdndkkejd (and I'm still a lil busy huhu I'll finish it when I have free time, f u college)
I mean it's a good audio but because it's a lil old in the otome genre I find it hard to listen to, because the guy keeps dumping info after info to the listeners when it's not necessary at all ಠ⁠∀⁠ಠ like we be eating breakfast and suddenly he be like, "yeah, ur the reason why I changed ಠ⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಠ" then proceeds to tell me his life story
Like broski, you could've told me when it's an emotional scene but nuh uh he was like lemme tell you in our breakfast table ಠ⁠‿⁠ಠ
But that's the only con that I have, the voice is still scrumptious (THE ECCHI SCENE DURING THE FIRST TRACK WAS HNGHHH LOVE IT)
It's an old asmr so I kinda gave it a pass for the writing (I noticed how the pacing and info dumping was really not that good on old asmr) and yes, I listen to A LOT of ASMRs, so I have heard some godly and the not so good otome audios (but I still listen to them cuz beggar can't be choosers)
(God pls forgive me for my sins, but otome ASMR is my religion)
I have a lot of otome asmr recommendations but this is getting long (and I dunno if u want some recommendations, but if you wanna hear it lemme know!)
-euphoria anon
LOL I think part of the reason why Neru seems “kinder” than Kaede during his turn is because his rule stated that he had to be “rough” but doesn’t necessarily mean “non-consensual” so Neru wanted to do everything in his power to give Reina some sort of pleasure haha (Though, it still end up extremely non-con lol) Wherein, Kaede had to be rough and less kind against his will in order to clear the game 🧎‍♀️ Oh the irony
…Maybe there’s some correlation to that on why he said what he said at the end there. Who knows~? You’re my judge here ♥︎
I’m not really a fan of the anime in general, so I don’t remember what scenes there are 🧎‍♀️ I’m relying mostly on the game for future scenes lol I agree so much with the punching, it’s not sexy—That’s just domestic violence?? And I will never include that in a sex scene 😭 …But there is a scene similar to that in the future, so I’m just giving out a warning in advance, but I think it’s relevant to the plot, I swear 😭 It’s not going to be like a sadist-masochist thing ☠️
Oh, and Rinne’s route in the game was just mind-fuckery—Don’t even worry about it, Darling ☠️
I’m glad you enjoyed the recommendation! I really agree with the info lore dumping ☠️ But I guess I can’t blame them too much about it, because it’s an audio drama lol What else can you do but you know…talk? LMAO Oh, and it has a sequel too!
Don’t be shy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Lay out that recommendation list, Darling ♥︎ We’re all degenerate friends here 💅✨
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greenhappyseed · 2 years
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Hi, I hope you're having a nice day.
I'm curious about the Singularity. I wonder if it will be solved or if the characters will ignore it. It seems relevant in the wellbeing of the future generations.
If New Order still exists, I think it could serve as a solution since it can do anything, apparently. My idea is that the quirks cease to exist but I'm not sure if it's a good one. Like, the pros and contras for the story and its themes, the characters' arcs.
I would like to know your thoughts on this. If you have blogs talking about things related, I would like to read them too.
And I have another questions:
Do you think both AFO quirk and OFA will dessappear?
Is Shigaraki's adaptation to AFO artificial?
Hi @alchemist-fantasy! I hope you’re having a good day too. Sorry for taking a bit to answer your ask; you had tough q’s and I want to make sure I answer as best I can!
1. Will the Singularity be solved?
I think the Quirk Singularity will be addressed, but not solved or cured. Figuring out how society should handle the Singularity is an enormous global threat, much like climate change is for us. Unless there’s a big magical event that strips all quirks from the DNA of every human (and animal!) on the planet, the world will need to plan for the Singularity. I don’t think even New Order could do that because of the touch + say its name activation requirements.
I also don’t think Horikoshi will go for the magic option because another solution — collective action that reaches deep for the humanity within a superhuman — is much more aligned with the themes of the manga. In other words, MHA currently has a society that suppresses quirks and doesn’t teach people how to control them or live with them (oh, and society unleashes superpowered “heroes” on anyone who uses their quirk in public for any purpose, accidental or not). Vigilantes goes into this in more detail, as does Team Up Missions Ch. 1, where a man’s quirk built up poison gas in his body and he didn’t know how to regulate it or release it safely (and he got arrested for, uh, leaking in public).
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But what if society collectively invested in letting people use their quirks for the purpose of learning their limits? So they could control those quirks? What if Dr. Ujiko is wrong, and the secret to stopping the Singularity isn’t upgrading the “hardware” at all? What if school taught unbelievably powerful kids how to regulate their emotions, use their quirks safely, and take care of the people around them? What if quirk counseling and safety resources were available to everyone, even adults, so there’s no risk of falling through the cracks?
This is the lesson of Eri, of course, but it’s also present in this final battle with Shigaraki. If the heroes can demonstrate that saving Tenko is the key to helping Shigaraki control the strongest body in the world — a body that can withstand the Singularity; a body that can shapeshift to meet fleeting desires for violence — doesn’t that prove emotional regulation is the key to keeping humans in control of quirks?
I’m guessing the series will likely end with the characters and governments working together on a plan to modernize and adapt society to the looming challenge of the Singularity.
2. Does New Order still exist?
No, I’m pretty certain it’s gone. Not only did Star herself say this, but it would be weird for New Order, which was never mentioned before Star, to suddenly roar to life and save the day. As you pointed out, New Order could be used to do ANYTHING, which I personally find narratively unsatisfying compared to themes that have been built up over 360+ chapters.
I think New Order is more likely a clue for how to defeat AFO — that is, we already knew quirk factors could be fatigued, but Star proved that quirk factors can deal damage to other quirk factors AND can be extinguished. AFO cannot get rid of quirks; he can only take from someone or bestow to someone. Otherwise he relies on the power of his quirk to keep the vestiges within it under his control. I think AFO eating the rebellious vestige in Ch. 356 might be an example of this control (or else it’s him learning to break a basic rule of his own quirk, which surely has some other downside?).
3. Will AFO and/or OFA disappear?
I suspect AFO and OFA will disappear if the story needs them to. Not to be cynical, but if there’s a sequel or second spin-off heading our way, Horikoshi has laid the groundwork for more copies of AFO to be hanging around out there. And where there’s AFO, well….
That said, I have a sneaking suspicion that Tenko will hold OFA, at least for some period of time. Aside from the “ten” in “Tenko,” he has a body that can hold a post-Singularity quirk…which is what OFA is now. Tenko is the only quirked person capable of holding OFA. Otherwise it has to be someone quirkless, and the next generation (1) isn’t likely to have many quirkless people; and (2) the quirkless people that ARE born would break their bones worse than Izuku if they tried to wield OFA.
4. Is Shigaraki’s adaptation to AFO artificial?
Sort of. Shigaraki underwent a physical “remodeling” procedure that was four months of “hellish agony” in order to have a body strong enough to hold the AFO quirk and its stockpile of stolen quirks. Then he had the AFO quirk itself implanted, which involved some way of ingesting foreign DNA/cells. After all, AFO couldn’t pluck a hair from his head and say, “EAT THIS!”
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But is that remodeling procedure “artificial”? Maybe it is in the same way that any transplant, implant, body modification, or cosmetic surgery is superficially “artificial” because someone’s body wasn’t “born that way.” However, it’s not “artificial” in the sense that these procedures can heal people or affirm who someone truly is. (I’m trying to be super clear here that I don’t agree with or condone TERF nonsense.) I think there’s some in-universe truth to the “healing” power of the procedure for Shigaraki too. He thought he needed more physical power to live out his dream of destruction. Think about how he is smiling, serene and gleeful, in the moments after he awakens in the war. Shigaraki believed his family was holding him back, rejecting who he truly was, and with his new body he was free.
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Until AFO takes over, Shigaraki is confused; he thought he’d feel “satisfied” upon waking up reborn with the AFO quirk. He doesn’t understand why he has such a strong desire for OFA, or why his body turns out to have some vulnerabilities. Shigaraki is chasing the feeling of freedom, like he can take on the world with nothing to stop him, and his choice to change his body is an inherent part of that.
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daisymakesstuff · 8 months
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Book 2 Alternate Snippets - Pax Izaz
Fandom: The Wayhaven Chronicles Pairing: Farah x Detective Intended for Pax Izaz, but this is first-person and none of these passages are actually gendered.
Word Count (quotes excluded): 628 words Description: A series of minor canon divergences, not intended to change the course of the story but to reflect the personality of a specific detective. In this case, an impulsive science detective. Purple text indicates direct quotes used to provide context for the reader. -------------------------------------------
Book 2 Chapter 3
"That wasn't exactly normal circumstances."
"No, I guess not," she says with a sigh. "I just want to be strong enough next time. In case you need me." She runs a hand down her arm and then back up. "You know, 'cause I kinda want you to need me. Maybe, I dunno…whatever, you know."
“I don’t need you,” I state simply, “but I think I want you.” 
Book 2 Chapter 4
Where the mess has bled across one eye, the whole iris and pupil have turned grey and blank, and the eye is rimmed in red.
They reach out a hand, long fingers ending in talons exhibiting the same spread of whatever is blistering over their skin. "Help…me…."
The supernatural splutters a cough, a dribble of white froth oozing from their mouth. A pained frown pinches what features I can still see on their face together into a tight knot. 
"Please…" They fall to the ground. 
"What the…," Farah begins, her words trailing off. She flicks her head to the side to stare wide-eyed at me. "Now what?"
I search the ground for a decently long stick. When I find a satisfactory one, I approach the body, reaching out to poke the creature with the tip of it. The creature moans in pain, but none of the boils explode or anything cool. 
“What are you doing?” Farah hisses uncertainly. 
“They might be contagious. This is a safety precaution.” 
Book 2 Chapter 5
Adam runs his fingers along his  jaw. "We don't have enough details to make a real assessment yet." Then, in a move so surprising I almost flinch, Adam looks towards me as though waiting for my opinion on the situation.
“We won’t know what’s really happening unless we investigate. Might as well get stuck in,” I say with a shrug.
Book 2 Chapter 7 (I swear these 5 words become very relevant later)
"Thanks," she says with a laugh. "Nice to know you've got me." There's no joking in those words, and her eyes glimmer as she gazes at me.
"I always will," I say, almost fumbling the words.
Farah’s grin falters a little. Her fingers slide over mine, which are still holding onto her arm. "Really?"
It's a simple question and a single word, but so much weight hangs on it that I almost slump against the pole in front of me. I nod. "Of course. You’re my partner in crime.”
Book 2 Chapter 9
"Uh, hello?" I call, battering through the argument. "Considering it's my life, maybe I should be the one to make the decision."
Nate looks almost horrified for not thinking of it sooner. "I'm so sorry, Pax. You're completely right. This is wholly your decision."
Learning how to defend myself physically would give me an advantage in combat situations. But researching more about them might help me avoid the danger of combat altogether.
Both sides have their merits, but I know I can only focus on one for now.
"I should probably focus on research for now," I say, giving a nod over at Nate. “I have the arm strength of a noodle. Combat lessons are going to do little."
Adam looks me over. “That may be a generous evaluation,” he states dryly. I try to hold back the smile that threatens to form. 
“Adam!” Nate hisses. Adam and I both look to each other. I notice his expression is tinged with a hint of a smile too.
Book 2 Chapter 15
I almost choke on my own breath as excitement explodes inside of me. "Are you serious? Actual werewolves?"
Farah chuckles. "Perk your interest, do they?"
"Don't get your hopes up, Detective. I doubt they'll live up to any expectation you may have conjured about them," Adam states with clipped words.
“Do they shift into vaguely wolf-like creatures?” I ask. 
“Yes,” Nate answers. I nod firmly and look back to Adam. 
“Then my expectations have been met.” 
Book 2 Chapter 17 
With all of this fallout now over, I decide to head home and wait for news on what comes next. 
The strange wash of comfort Farah’s presence gave me earlier still clings to the edges of my mind on the drive home, slowly fading the further from the warehouse I get. Naturally, that leads my train of thought back to the reason we were together in the first place: Sanja’s death. 
This seems like one of those times where others, if I bothered to tell them anymore, would think I should feel more guilt about the situation. I don’t. Mostly, I’m confused— no, curious is a better word— about my own response. I meant to go to Sanja, but Farah made that pained, desperate noise and instinct took over. 
I’m still mulling everything over by the time I get back into my apartment, and there’s no way I’ll be getting to sleep without some sort of closure. Tina is usually helpful in confusing social situations, and much more amenable to late-night calls than Verda, so I call her. 
“Tina. Something is wrong with me,” I blurt out when the line connects.
“Well that’s ominous. You want to give a girl more details, Pax? Are you okay?” The tension in Tina’s voice has me thinking back over what I said. 
“Physically, I'm fine,” I assure her, “but there was an incident today— nothing you need to worry about— but it would’ve been better if I maintained a clear head and focused on the task.” 
“And you didn’t!?” Tina teases with a mock gasp of shock. 
“No,” I pause to consider the best way to explain the situation without revealing the truth, “I helped Farah instead of doing my job.” 
“That’s because you have a massive crush on her.”
“Oh,” the truth of the words hits me like a brick, “that’s what it is?”
Book 2 Chapter 19
The beat of the music around us matches my heart rate, thumping against my ribs and driving me even closer to her.
A soft smile tugs on Farah's face, and my body erupts into a shiver. "I would still…like us," she stammers.
Farah's hand, the one unencumbered by cotton candy, hangs limply at her side.
For as long as I can remember, hand holding has been an annoyance. My earliest memories of it are of an adult holding my hand as a form of restraint. It’s always felt like too much contact for such a small surface area, an overwhelming sensation that only serves to constrain one of the most useful tools available to the human body.
I slip my hand into Farah's and give it a gentle, experimental squeeze.
"Let's just take it slow for now," I say.
But Farah barely seems to hear me. Delight is spreading across her face as she looks down at our joined hands.
The sensation is...surprisingly pleasant. Perhaps Tina was right.
"Then let's have some fun," Farah calls before taking off into the crowds with a grin. I follow behind, hand in hand, letting out a laugh.
Suddenly, I realize that maybe holding hands is a way to take someone with you, rather than to hold them back.
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coraniaid · 2 years
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Directors commentary on the chapter titles in Coexist. I always enjoyed them.
Thanks!
Some of the chapter titles were actually part of the very first plans I wrote down for this fic.  I still have an old file on the notes app of my phone, dating back to the autumn of 2020, which summarizes the basic premise of the AU and then gives a list of possible titles for each chapter, mostly playing around with the titles of the corresponding episodes.
They didn't all stick (and some of them were pretty bad), but going back to look at it now I'm surprised how many I kept.  The downside of that is that I'm not always completely sure where I was originally going with them.
Anyway, full post gets a bit long (and also mildly spoiler-ish, I guess, for anyone who cares about that) so:
Unbecoming was always going to be the name of the prologue.  I'm not completely sure why, thinking about it, because the episode Becoming is not the point where the AU diverges, but I assume it made sense to me at the time.
Equally Lily was always going to be named after the character who, this time around, doesn't end up changing her name to Anne.
And the chapter when Buffy meets her new Watcher was always going to be Dead Men's Shoes (as in the method of promotion). 
One thing I sort of wish I'd hit harder when I wrote the scene where Buffy accuses Diana of trying to "step into what's left of Giles' life" (or, you know, into his shoes) was how this scene parallels the big confrontation in the library in Prophecy Girl.  Buffy could almost be saying something here like "I remember the drill.  One [watcher] dies, next one's called.  Will [they] train me, or will they [bring] somebody else?".  But if I went back and tried to rewrite older chapters I'd literally never finish.  
(And if I keep waffling I'll never finish this list.)   
Hope Is Important is sort of a joke, because Scott Hope is even less important in this AU than he is in canon, but it's also not because the idea of hope is important (I mean, in general, but also in this story).  This is the first chapter not to use the original title. I think I changed it because I ended up rewriting most of my first draft of this chapter, and the old name had sort of stuck in my head as the name of the bad version.
Some Kind Of Monster is a play on the title of Beauty and the Beasts, of course, but it was also meant to reference the fact that this was (at the time) by far the longest chapter I'd written: almost ten thousand words!  I wanted to remind myself not to do something like that again, which ... uh.  Didn't work.  (Originally it was called Someone New, I guess because in canon that's who Buffy tells Platt she's dating now.  I still kind of like that, actually.)
Like Going Home was originally called No Place Like Home, and I assume I changed it when I remembered that there's an actual canon episode called that.  I think the new title comes from the Yo La Tengo song "I Feel Like Going Home", though that might not have been a conscious decision.
Regression was always called Regression.  Because the adults ... you know.  What's slightly weird to me is that this feels like a chapter which I changed the title of at the last minute, but apparently not.
No Trouble At All is a direct quote from Lover's Walk (Spike promises Buffy that he'll "be out of your life in a few short hours.  No trouble at all."), though this chapter was originally going to be named after a different (and more Fuffy-relevant) Spike quote from the same episode: Never Friends.  I think I changed it because there's another chapter which had the word 'friends' in it and I didn't want to repeat it.
Acts and Revelations are both books of the New Testament, but also this is a chapter in which Faith is ... well, acting.  And then acts.
The Price was always going to be the episode where Anya arrived (which I know because it was originally to be called Vengeance).  Think I changed it to be a bit closer in form to The Wish, and also because that's just a better summary of what the chapter ended up being about.
I know that Damages was always going to be called that, but I can't remember exactly why.  I think it's meant to be a sort of double pun (to change something might be to amend it or to damage it, and to pay damages is a way to make amends).  Maybe it made more sense in 2020.
As Fast As You Can, on the other hand, I remember was a last minute change: in fact I think it was something I only came up with an hour or two before posting the finished chapter.  (It's from the fairy tale about the gingerbread man, and I don't think there's any deeper meaning to it.)  Well, the original title I'd planned wasn't any better.
Catalysts and Reactions I like, even if they've got nothing to do with the title of the episode they're both based on.  Splitting Helpless into two chapters wasn't part of the original plan, so when I did it I wanted to give the resulting chapters a matching pair of titles.   Once I realized I could push both the “Buffy is preparing for a chemistry test” : “Buffy is going to be tested by the Council” and the “Buffy is thinking about chemistry” : “Buffy is thinking about Faith” metaphors, I decided on chemistry as the subject matter of those parallel titles pretty quickly.
Come Clean is what Buffy tries to do in this chapter (first in regards with her feelings for Faith, then to the cops after Allan Finch's death), but it's also the name of the album on which Curve's Chinese Burn appears, as of course heard in Bad Girls (and then heard many times more on the Season 3 DVD menus).
Trust Issues was originally called Truth (as in the gameshow/town Truth or Consequences).  This is another case where I wrote quite a lot of the chapter, decided it wasn't working, and threw the original title out along with everything else I'd written. 
Keep Your Friends Close ... and your Enemies closer, although I suppose this doesn't have much to do with the plot of that episode.  This was another original chapter title from autumn 2020, and I'm not sure exactly what the original plan for it was.  Of course, Enemies is an episode that’s hard to directly repurpose in an AU without Angel.
It doesn't feel like I have to point out that, like The Zeppo, But Don’t Let That Fool You… is a Marx brothers reference (although I guess I just did).  This is another chapter title that appears in my original notes, though in those notes that episode still appeared in the proper episode order.
Undertow - as I said in another answer, this is ultimately a convoluted reference to 'Full of Grace'.  But it's also because this chapter is my take on Restless-but-with-Faith, and I couldn't quite bring myself to call it something like Faithless.  Another chapter that changed title (and premise) a few times during the planning stages.
Finally (for now), Louder and Louder was another case where I picked the final chapter very shortly before posting something.  Obviously it (sort of?) works as a reference to the increasingly loud impressions Faith is telepathically picking up as she takes Buffy's place in Earshot. But I think it's mostly a reference to the fact that I was listening to Florence + the Machine's Drumming Song at around the time I decided I had to settle on a title.  
Actually went through quite a lot of different names for this one.  I mean, it's a chapter in which Faith has to deal with (supernaturally generated) intrusive thoughts: there should be something there.  But I couldn't figure it out.  I think this is probably the only chapter I reserve the right to rename at some point.
Thanks for the ask!
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izzyfandoms · 3 years
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A Sleep So Sweet - Chapter One
(This is not the first chapter. There is a prologue, linked in the A Sleep So Sweet masterpost)
When Emile discovered he was the soulmate of the prince of a magical species known as Beings, he did not know how to react. Beings were terrifying, powerful creatures, who often did not care for humanity, and, in their first meeting, his soulmate, the sleep prince, seemed to be no different.  
Will Emile fall in love with his soulmate, or are they simply not meant to be?
SHIPS: Remile, Date (Janus x Nate)
WARNINGS: N/A
GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @aj-draws @phantomofthesanderssides @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread @mrbubbajones @pun-master-logan @gayturtlez @k1ngtok1 @yourneighborhooddisaster @alexxander-the-gay @full-of-roman-angst-trash @selfcarejanus
A SLEEP SO SWEET TAGLIST: @spellingwillbethedeathofme
Masterpost
A Sleep So Sweet Masterpost
Emile stared at the soulmark on his wrist, not daring to take his eyes off of it just in case it somehow disappeared. When it had appeared in the middle of the night – waking him up from his sleep – he had been shocked, of course, but he had also been tired, half-convinced it was only a dream.
But now he was completely awake, and the tiny crescent moon and stars were still there, like a small silver tattoo, but just a little bit shinier.
It didn’t even feel real, like he was still just dreaming. He ran his thumb over his wrist, like he was trying to smudge paint, but the soulmark didn’t even budge.
It finally hit him. This was real.
Oh, wow, he had a soulmate.
He had a soulmate!
Emile raised his hand to his mouth, finally letting out a delighted giggle.
“Oh my gosh,” he said to himself. “I have a soulmate!”
Wow. He needed to tell his dads.
He finally took his eyes off of his soulmark, looking around for his phone. He picked it up, turning it on and immediately opening the group chat he had with his two fathers: Nate and Janus Picani. They weren’t soulmates – soulmates were a rare thing, after all – but they were still deeply in love, and Emile had always hoped he’d get a love like that someday.
Now that he knew he had a soulmate, maybe that love wouldn’t be so far away.
Emile couldn’t help but let out another delighted laugh, almost bouncing up and down on the spot.
He began to type out a message to his dads.
Emile
Guess what!!!!
He then waited, his eyes flicking between his phone and his soulmark, checking that it hadn’t somehow disappeared in the last few seconds, which it had not, before he got a response from one of his dads: Nate.
Dad
What?
Emile
I got a soulmark!!!!
Nate immediately started typing again.
Dad
Woah really?
Emile
Yes!!!
Dad  
Hold on lemme grab your other dad
Emile waited, practically vibrating with excitement. He lowered his phone, taking another look at the soulmark on his wrist. It was shiny, almost reflecting the light, and he could not help but smile just taking a look at it.
It almost didn’t feel real, like he was having a very pleasant dream, but when he reached over and pinched a bit of skin below the soulmark, he definitely felt it. It was real.
He smiled.
Father
Congratulations!
Dad
Can we see the soulmark?
Emile opened the camera on his phone, taking a quick picture of his soulmark and sending it to his parents immediately.
He then waited for their responses, seeing that both of them had started typing. Then, they both stopped typing at about the same time, and Emile blinked at his phone.
Why had they stopped typing?
He waited, but they did not start typing again.
He blinked, confused, and began to type out another message.
Emile
Hello?
Then Janus started typing again.
Father
Have you seen the news?
Emile
What news?
Dad
The news about the being prince
Emile stared at his phone, wondering what on earth this had to do with his soulmark.
Beings were powerful creatures – abstract things come to life, like fear or memory – and the Being royalty were especially so. Humanity was lucky that Beings were rare and tended to avoid them, as they were dangerous and often did not care much for them.
They were rarely in the news – often ignored by humanity, as if ignoring them meant that their danger was lesser.
Emile
What news?
He waited, staring at his phone, before he received a link from Janus. He clicked on it, and saw that it was a news article, titled: Being prince has a soulmate?
Emile stared at the headline for a few seconds.
How was that relevant to his own soulmark?
A pit began to form inside of Emile’s stomach, but he pushed down the immediate uncomfortable feelings.
No. This was just a coincidence. So many people had soulmates, though they rarely had Beings for soulmates.  
This was just a coincidence.
He scrolled through the article, skimming over the information.
The Being prince – a magical being: sleep come to life – had found a soulmark on his body. This meant that he had a human soulmate, and he wanted to find them. He had made the announcement public, in the hopes that he would find his soulmate as quickly as possible.
Emile scrolled all the way to the bottom, and his heart stopped when he saw the image at the end of the article.
It was a single image of an eye – pitch black and surrounded by silver skin, with black hair peeking out from the top of the picture – and right in the centre of it was the now-familiar crescent moon and three stars.
Emile gasped, and his phone slipped out of his hand, clattering to the floor.
He almost wanted to swear, but he bit his tongue before he could.  
This couldn’t be real. Now he was certain that he must have been dreaming. This... this was impossible.
His soulmate wasn’t a Being. They couldn’t be.
Immediately, there was a pang of guilt inside of Emile.
Beings might have been powerful, terrifying creatures, but who was Emile to judge them? Sure, some of them hurt people, but most of them never did, as far as Emile knew. Who was he to decide that all of them must be cruel and evil and dangerous?
If the universe had decided that a Being was his soulmate, then that Being, at the very least, had to be a good person.
Well, perhaps person was the wrong word, but they had to be good. The universe wouldn’t have paired him up with someone bad. They were meant to be!
Okay. Emile’s soulmate was a Being – a prince of Beings – and that was... not bad. Maybe it was even good! Maybe his soulmate was wonderful – the soulmate of his dreams! Maybe they would be perfect together.
No, not maybe, definitely. His soulmate was his soulmate. They had to be perfect.
Emile nodded to himself. Okay. This wasn’t bad. This was good! He didn’t need to continue his quest for true love: it was being given to him, right in the palm of his hand.
He took a deep breath, and then bent down and picked his phone back up.
He checked his group chat with his dads.
Dad
Thats your soulmark right?
Father
Are you alright?
Emile wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Was he alright?  
He was excited about having a soulmate. He was terrified that his soulmate would be terrifying and cruel. He was guilty that that was the assumption he’d made about his soulmate. He was just conflicted.
He thought about it for a moment, but before he could respond, his phone lit up with an incoming call from Janus. He blinked, before he answered the call and lifted it to his ear.
“Hello?”  
“Did you read the article?” came Janus’s voice from through the phone.
Emile paused. “Yes.”
There was another pause, before he heard his other dad’s voice through the phone.
“Is that your soulmark?”
“I think so.”
“Okay,” Nate said, his voice calm despite what was going on. “How do you feel about that?”
“I... don’t know.”
“Okay, that makes sense,” Nate said.
“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Janus said seriously. “You don’t even have to meet him if you don’t want to.”
“I know,” Emile said. “But...”
“But?” Nate prompted.
“I don’t know. I mean- I mean he’s my soulmate, right? I know Beings are... scary. But... he’s my soulmate.”
“He’s a Being,” Janus said.
Nate sighed. “Jan.”
Emile frowned. “I mean, I know, but... he’s my soulmate. He can’t... he won’t be bad.” He took a deep breath. “I mean, how much do we really know about Beings? I know the stories, but they can’t all be bad! My soulmate... he could be good.”
“He is your soulmate,” Nate said. “And you’re the kindest person I know. I doubt you’d be saddled with a shitty soulmate.��
“Still, if he is bad, we need to keep him as far away from you as possible,” Janus said.
"I appreciate it, but I’m an adult now, dads,” Emile said. “I can take care of myself.”
Janus hummed like he wasn’t sure whether or not he believed him. Nate let out a laugh, and Emile heard a sound that sounded like he was clapping Janus on the shoulder.
“He’s right, babe. He’s an adult. We can’t protect him anymore,” he said. Emile could practically hear the amused smile on his face. “Just make sure to introduce your soulmate to us once you meet him. I just can’t promise that Jan won’t go all overprotective father on him.”
He laughed, and Emile laughed, too.
“I wouldn’t expect you to,” he said.
In his mind, he imagined what it would be like to introduce his soulmate to his fathers. Hopefully it would go well. Hopefully his soulmate would get along well with his parents.
Would his soulmate be polite and serious? Or would he be funny and entertaining? Would they get along well? Emile certainly hoped so.
But maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself. First, he actually had to meet his soulmate.
Emile paused. How was he even going to do that?
“Gosh, how am I even going to meet him?” Emile said aloud.
Nate hummed in thought.
“I don’t know. Get yourself in the news?”
Emile’s nose wrinkled. “I would rather not.”
“Uh...” Nate said. “I have no idea then. But I know you’ll figure it out!”
Emile smiled. “Thanks, dad.”
“I need to get to work,” Janus said. “Let us know how finding your soulmate goes.”
“I will.”
“Love you!” Nate said.
“I also love you,” Janus said
Emile smiled again. “I love you both, too. Bye!”
“Bye!”
“Goodbye.”
Then, they hung up, and Emile was alone again.
His gaze was immediately drawn back to his soulmark. His eyes traced the curving shape of the crescent moon, and the three small stars that were underneath it.
The sleep prince was somewhere out there with that exact same soulmark just on his eye instead of his wrist. Emile wondered what he was thinking about in that exact moment. Was he thinking about Emile, like how Emile was thinking about him?
Emile could not help but smile at the thought.
Gosh, he couldn’t wait to meet his soulmate.
But first, he had to find out how to.
***
Emile had been on his computer for ages, searching for a way to find his soulmate, but the internet was mostly unhelpful.
There was a ton of research done on Beings, but it was difficult to tell what was reliable and what was useless. Beings were such a wide variety of creatures – some appeared out of thin air, some were once other things – research about one was unlike research about another. And most of the research was about what they were and how they worked, not about how to find them.
Emile sighed, reaching up and massaging the bridge of his nose. This was impossible: it was starting to seem like the only way to find his soulmate was to go through the same methods his soulmate had used to get the information public. And he really, really didn’t want it to come to that.
He was lucky that it was his day off today, so he had plenty of time to research.
Emile clicked on a new article, one labelled ‘Whispering Beings’, that he wasn’t too hopeful would actually be helpful. But he was still going to look, just in case.
His eyes skimmed the first few lines. Whispering Beings were a type of Being that could hear every whisper ever spoken. In fact, they existed in whispers; sometimes they didn’t even have a physical form, they switched between a human-like body to a whisper taken form at a whim. They could be summoned through whispers and used to send messages. Their physical forms looked cloud-like, not entirely physical and they were often benevolent towards humans.
Wait.
Emile suddenly straightened up, his eyes going back a few lines.
They could be summoned through whispers and used to send messages.
There. That was it.
That was how he was going to find his soulmate!
Emile let out a laugh. Finally, he was going to be able to find his soulmate!
Okay. Okay. Now, he just needed to figure out how to summon a Whispering Being.  
His eyes returned to the article.
Whispering Beings could be summoned through whispers. Apparently, you could whisper something into the night sky, and – very occasionally – they would hear you. They would appear in front of you, and they would take your message and bring it to whoever you requested.  
But they were rare. Your message needed to be interesting to them, or they would simply ignore you.
Well, Emile thought that his message was interesting enough. He was the soulmate of one of the princes of beings, surely that would catch the attention of anyone.
Okay. He could do that.
All he had to do was wait for it to become night, and then he would whisper into the sky. He would get his message to his soulmate; he was sure of that.
***
Emile had been waiting impatiently all day for night to come, and when it finally did, he was practically vibrating with anticipation. He couldn’t sit still, tapping his foot against the floor and his hand against his leg.
Was now the right time to do it? The sun had set, the sky was black, but what if he needed to wait until midnight? The article had been unclear, and every other source he had found had been, too.
What if it needed to be at a specific time? Midnight or 1am or 2am, something like that? Emile had no idea. He didn’t want to do it wrong.
After a moment of thought, he stood up. Okay, he might as well try now. If it didn’t work, he could always try again later. He could try as many times as it took for it to work. He would try all night if he had to.
He walked over to his window, opening it and feeling the cool night air wash over him.  
The sky was black, speckled with stars, and the moon was full. Maybe that meant something. Maybe the full moon was something special and would mean that the Whispering Beings were more likely to hear him. Emile had no idea. He was really out of his depth here.
He was a simple therapist! He watched cartoons and documentaries for fun. He knew nothing about magic, and yet the universe had dropped a magical soulmate into his hands.  
This was his life now.
Emile took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. He could do this.
Then, he opened his eyes. Okay, he could do this.
All he had to do was figure out what exactly to say. His brow creased in thought. What did he even say in this situation? What was the right thing to say to summon a Whispering Being? The article hadn’t exactly given instructions on how to summon one.
Well, apparently Whispering Beings heard every whisper, so maybe all he had to do was say who he was and they’d listen.
Okay. He’d give that a try.
He took another deep breath, before he began to whisper.
“My name is Emile Picani, and I’m the soulmate of the sleep prince,” he whispered into the wind. “I want to find him. Can you help me?”
He then waited. He waited and waited and waited, but nothing happened.
Okay. That was okay. He could just try again.
“My name is Emile Picani, and I’m the soulmate of the sleep prince,” he whispered again. “I want to find him. Can you help me?”
“I heard you the first time,” came a voice from behind him. It sounded like a whisper, but was somehow also loud and clear.
Emile jumped, spinning around so quickly that his glasses fell from his face.
Standing there, in the middle of his living room, was a blurry figure, that Emile couldn’t quite make out the details of him without his glasses. All he could tell was that it was white and vaguely human-shaped.
He bent down quickly, picking up his glasses and sliding them back onto his face. He stood up, and saw that the human-shaped figure was almost as blurry as they had been before he had put his glasses back on. They looked like someone had taken a cloud and pressed a man-shaped cookie cutter into them, but the clouds had seeped through the edges a little bit. They didn’t even have eyes or a mouth, despite the fact that words had come from somewhere.
“H- hello,” Emile blurted out, just a little bit terrified of the obviously-inhuman Being.
“Hello,” said the Whispering Being.
“What... what’s your name?”
The Whispering Being just stared at him for a few seconds.
“Beings don’t have names.”
“Oh. Right.”
There were a few seconds of silence.
“So, you're the prince’s soulmate?” The Whispering Being said.
Emile straightened up. “I... think so. The soulmarks match, so... yes.”
The Whispering Being tilted their head.
“Would you like me to bring a message to him?”
“Yes, please.”
“Alright.” The Whispering Being nodded. “I shall. What would you like me to say?”
Emile... hadn’t really thought about that. In his excitement to send a message to his soulmate – and his daydreams about what would happen when they first met – he hadn’t thought about exactly what he wanted to say.  
“Um...” Emile said, fidgeting with his hands. “Tell him... tell him about me and tell me that I want to meet him.”  
The Whispering Being watched him for a few moments, before they nodded.
“Alright. I shall do that. Is there anything else you need?”
Emile thought about it for a moment, before he shook his head.
“Thank you,” he said.
The Whispering Being nodded again. Then, they began to lose their form, becoming more cloud-like and less human-shaped, until the fog that was their body began to fade. They became translucent and then transparent and soon they were gone, and Emile was alone.
He stared at the spot they had been for a few seconds, before he let out a deep breath.
Okay. This Being was going to bring the message to his soulmate. Then, his soulmate would come and they would meet.
Emile could not help but smile just a little bit at the thought. Oh, gosh, he was going to meet his soulmate soon! He didn’t know exactly when, but if his soulmate had been so quick to put the soulmark in the news, then surely he wanted to meet Emile as much as Emile wanted to meet him.
They were going to meet each other for the first time soon.  
Emile let out a little laugh, and practically bounced up and down on the spot, doing an excited little wiggle. He clapped his hands together.
Oh, Emile was so, so excited.
He wondered what exactly would happen next. Would the prince send the Whispering Being back to Emile, with information about a meeting place? Yes, that made the most sense.
But when exactly would the Whispering Being return? Emile had no idea. Maybe they would return again tonight; maybe they were busy and wouldn’t return for another few days. There was no way to know.
Perhaps he should have asked.  
Emile shook his head. Well, there was no point in thinking about that now.
A cool wind came through the open window, and a shiver ran down Emile’s spine. He turned around, reaching out and shutting the window.  
Then, when he turned back around, he yelped and leapt backwards when he saw that there was a new figure standing in the centre of his living room.
He was tall and thin – quite a bit taller than Emile, though that wasn’t difficult – with silver skin, black hair and solid black eyes. In the centre of his left eye was the now-familiar symbol: a silver crescent moon with three stars underneath it.
Emile gasped.
“You’re-”
The Being smiled, crossing his arms.
“I am,” he said. “Hello.”
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ladyeliot · 3 years
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Fragile [1/3]
Part Two
Based on The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary: Who would have thought that fate would bring you face to face with your father's killer? 13 years old, an orphan girl who was taken under the protection of the United States, who was educated to serve the nation and who was now assigned by the CIA to guard what was once one of the most dangerous men in the world.
Warnings: Mentions of murder, psychological problems, violence.
Word count: 2463
A/N: Post Endgame. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.
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You are waiting for a plane, a plane that will take you far away. You know where you want to go, where you need to go, but you really have no idea where that plane will take you. But it doesn't really matter now, nothing matters because you've lost everything, you have nothing left. Whatever fate throws at you you are willing to accept it, after all you leave nothing behind. That's what you told yourself when in 2009, at the age of thirteen, you boarded that plane that took you out of Iran, when your nuclear engineer father was brutally murdered by someone you could never put a name or a face to. It was not until much later that you discovered the truth of that moment that marked your life forever.
Call it fate, call it chance, but that plane paved your future path. Your destination was the United States, specifically the city of Washington. At the age of 13, when you were a minor, you were detained by the government, assigned to a foster family, preparing you for your future, which already seemed to be written. At 18, the CIA had your position waiting for you, you had been educated and trained for the job, you never had a different opportunity in front of you, but you didn't really want it either.
Your first years within the Central Intelligence Agency you had to learn and live with all the events that that group, called the Avengers, dropped on the nation and the whole world. However, you were not a part of it until it was all over, for like the vast majority of humanity your body vanished from the face of the earth and did not return until years later. That's when it all began. When your superior assigned you a case, his case, to be the shadow of James Buchanaham Barnes, also known as the Winter Soldier, who was going to rejoin society after being pardoned by the government. You didn't know what that meant, what that entailed.
Your move to New York was sudden, the neighbourhood the man had selected to live in was in Sunset Park, a New York borough of Brooklyn, one of the best known ethnic Chinese enclaves. It was really nice, but the building was far less comfortable than the neighbourhood. When you arrived with barely any hot water, you figured that assuming the building looked like it might collapse at the drop of a hat, the plumbing would be no less so. But at least your CIA team had been able to provide you with comfortable furniture and the necessary equipment to do your job.
You had a plan, the plan, you had been analysing Bucky Barnes, his exits from the building, the places he frequented, which were pretty scarce apart from the therapy sessions and the restaurant across the street, and his social relations, which were even scarcer, however he had forged a small friendship with a neighbour in the same building, Yori Nakajima originally from Japan. You didn't have to work out your first meeting, any self-respecting neighbour would help a newcomer to the building during the move.
A dozen cardboard boxes were scattered around the hall of the building, you looked at them with a thoughtful gesture while biting your nails waiting for your dear neighbour to arrive from the laundry next door. You had kept track of the time, and just as you predicted, he came in through the front door with a basket of clean clothes. You continued to look at the boxes, took a breath and exaggerated your gesture of concern, just as he focused his gaze on you.
"Do you need help?" he asked, putting down the laundry basket and approaching you.
You turned your face, still biting your nails, but pretended to be surprised to find him there.
"Oh, don't worry, I only just realised that this building is so green it barely has a lift," you said with a smile, causing Bucky to grin.
"Yes, we like to do our bit for the environment," he said, putting his hand behind his head and then offering it to you in greeting. "Bucky."
"Susan," you smiled and shook his hand, then returned your gaze to the stacked boxes. Evidently that wasn't your real name, it was the name of the person you had invented yourself.
"Come on, let me help you," abandoning his laundry basket he approached your belongings and with barely a reproach he picked up two stacked boxes.
"Oh, God, don't you think you should...?" you began worriedly as you looked at the weight he had taken into his arms.
"Don't worry," he added. "Do you think you could take my clothes?"
That was how it all began. Maybe it could have started some other way, perhaps a chance encounter at the laundromat next door, or when you came out of your government-assigned therapy, or maybe a night at the Japanese restaurant, but no, it was that way. You had no idea how things were going to develop, you had no idea why you were assigned to the case, you were so innocent that you thought it was because of your positive attitude, your willingness to do something relevant, but there was too much hidden behind it that you had hardly a clue. You and that young man were connected, a blood-soaked red thread linked you, but it wasn't until some time later that you discovered it.
Before you knew it, the boxes had gone from being stacked in the hall of the building to being in your small living room. You barely had to feign the surprise you felt as the young man had climbed all four floors in record time.
"OK, who are you? You don't work for a moving company do you?" you laughed and headed towards the small kitchen that was connected to the living room. "If so leave me your card because you'll be the one I call."
"No, not really," he put his hand behind his neck and looked away, he seemed nervous as you tried to start a conversation with him.
"A beer? It's the least I can do," you said, opening the fridge. "Well, and it's the only thing I have apparently."
"Better another time," he commented looking at the basket of clean clothes you had left in the middle of your living room and approaching it to pick it up.
It was at that moment that you noticed the black leather gloves covering his hands, you guessed the fact, surely they were to cover his left hand which complemented his vibranium arm.
"Oh, of course," you closed the fridge the same way you had opened it and leaned against the kitchen island to watch him in the middle of the room with the laundry basket offering you an awkward smile. "Then it only remains for me to thank you again."
"It's been a pleasure," he said without moving from the spot, which made you bite your lip smiling at his awkwardness. "Uh... welcome."
"Thank you," you added, watching him clumsily walk out the door and close it behind him.
The image of Bucky Barnes you had formed in your mind collapsed as soon as you met him. Everything you had seen, read, heard about the man had nothing to do with what you found that morning. Who was this person and what had he done with the Winter Soldier? As soon as you closed the door you opened the box marked 'FRAGILE' and extracted all the archival material that the CIA had compiled for you, and opening your laptop you began to generate your first report on Bucky Barnes, totally contrary to what you had expected to do.
The following days you took it upon yourself to generate spontaneous encounters in the most common places the two of you might frequent. The laundromat or the supermarket were the best selected, you discovered that his lifestyle could be that of any ordinary New Yorker, there was nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary. You had explained to him the story you had created for Susan, a young immigrant girl who had been adopted at the age of 5 by an American family and had left her small town in the state of Ohio to come to New York looking to live the New York dream. Bucky didn't really talk much, but he was a really good listener. He tended to be quite expressive with his face and as we met, it wasn't so often that he looked away from you, only when you stared at him, which was quite common as his blue eyes tended to evade you too much.
Two months later you received the desired psychological analysis that the therapist had been working on during her sessions with Bucky. Throughout your years of life you had been trained not to engage in any kind of emotional relationship with the cases you were assigned at the CIA, you didn't realise it at first, but it was too big for you. When you opened the envelope, sat down on the couch and began to read each of the reports you felt it, a slight sigh propitiated what was happening, you had felt compassion for him. But who couldn't feel compassion reading that? Session after session, talking about the numerous nightmares that kept him awake, endless lists of his victims he had killed, the tortures HYDRA put him through... it all made your insides churn.
You dropped the papers on the table and thoughtfully paced around the room biting your nails. You had been longing for a case like this for a long time, you had practically begged for it, and now that you were inside it you didn't know if you would be able to face it with a cool head. It was a difficult two weeks, where every conversation with Bucky provoked associations with what you read in the therapist's reports and that made you think too much about what you were doing.
But something happened, one Saturday like any other, your doorbell rang while you were preparing a report to send to your superior, you closed everything running and approached the entrance. As you opened the door the figure of Bucky stood in front of you, while behind him loomed the small body of Yori Nakajima.
"Hey..."
"Come on we don't have all day!" exclaimed Yori tapping Bucky's back with his particular cane.
"I'm coming..." chided Bucky turning his face towards his friend and neighbour.
"Come on!" exclaimed Yori again.
The situation was quite peculiar even for you, who were used to encountering all sorts of situations in your work. Your eyebrows were arched as you leaned against the doorframe waiting for what Bucky was supposed to say. Your two neighbours made a comical but endearing pair. Bucky seemed hesitant to speak, being rather nervous as he fiddled with his gloves, so Yori tapped him again with the cane to push him aside.
"What he wants to tell you is to go on a date with him," Yori said bluntly, to which Bucky exasperatedly sighed and put his hand to his face.
"A date?" you asked arching your eyebrows even more and blinking rapidly.
"Well, it's not exactly that..." began Bucky but again he received another blow from Yori's cane, "Hey! Stop it," he refocused his blue eyes on yours. "I'm sorry..."
"For what, needing help asking me out on a date?" you asked smiling slightly, causing him to do so as well. "Had you come up with any concrete plans or did Yori have to find it for you?"
Your question caused Yori to laugh and leave the place alluding that his work had already been done. You continued to watch Bucky with your arms crossed as you slumped against the door frame. The whole situation was getting too out of hand without you even realising it. You lied to yourself that it could be good for your mission, but none of it was good. At that moment you were just a young girl getting carried away, being asked out on a date by a guy you found really attractive.
"Maybe... tomorrow at eight o'clock? If not..." she asked, putting her hand behind her neck, causing her white t-shirt to ride up and reveal part of her naked lower body.
"Why tomorrow? Why not tonight?" you asked showing complete confidence in your voice.
"Or... sure, tonight," she rectified, nodding.
"All right," you said, smiling, and closed the door, leaving Bucky standing there.
In the back of your mind you were trying to convince yourself that this would be helpful to the investigation, that what the CIA really wanted was for you to maintain contact with him, that he was under your control, that he wouldn't do anything that the government would regret offering a pardon for, and apparently he was. What you didn't know is that it was you who was falling under his control.
Your love life is not what you could call it, you were not someone of long realizations, someone who opened her heart easily, you had never really opened it to anyone, apparently at the age of 13 your heart was broken and of that loving and shy girl there was hardly anything left. Relationships, yes, you had had them, but they were based only on physical contact, no feelings, no emotions, only physical contact. You were stubborn, obstinate and sometimes a little presumptuous, a trump card you played with Bucky, but the innocence was still inside you even if you could hardly notice it.
But believe it or not, those months you were spending in that practically ruined building in the middle of that Brooklyn neighbourhood were changing the course of your destiny, they were connecting you with the loving girl you had once been. Something inside you prevented you from writing reports providing the information the CIA was asking for, it seemed really absurd, but for the last two weeks you had offered details of the conversations you had with Bucky, you were just giving ordinary data, useless to the government, who expected you to relay everything the former Winter Soldier said or did. You would never have thought that anything, or anyone, would have limited your ability to tackle an investigation, but there it was, Bucky had done it in just a few months. You felt so empty, it was easy to connect with someone as empty as you, him.
To be continue...
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blackspoon99 · 3 years
Text
The Sign of Three Pt. 3
Sherlock x Female! Reader
TW: Drinking, Language, Potential Emetophobia (If you’ve seen this episode, you know), Spoilers to Season 3
Part 1
Part 2
Part 4
Part 5
“Of course, there’s hours of material here, but I’ve cut it down to the really good bits.”
Oh god, the stag night. You almost laughed just thinking about it. It was unbelievable that Sherlock was willingly telling this story to an audience. You were fortunate enough to witness some of the events of the night firsthand.
The story began the morning of in Baker Street, 11 am:
It was a Saturday morning, and you were over having tea with Sherlock. For the two of you, “having tea” consisted of you both reading in complete silence while you happened to be drinking tea. It was a common occurrence, and for you, it was a treasured tradition. You were curled up in John’s chair opposite Sherlock. Today, you were reading Emma by Jane Austen. You peeked over at Sherlock to see what he was reading. Sherlock was reading a book titled “Atlas of Forensic Pathology”. Riveting. The book looked so heavy; it would probably go straight through the floor if he dropped it.
You returned to your book. This was probably your third time reading the Jane Austen classic. You were inexplicably drawn to the plot, the message, the love story, all of it. You finally were at your favorite part. When Mr. Knightly said to Emma, “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” You looked at Sherlock over the pages of your book. You couldn’t help but consider the relevance of the quote in your own life.
When you first came to terms with the fact that you were in love with Sherlock, the feeling had burned through you. You couldn’t focus and constantly fought the urge to tell him. Possibly because of the several near-death experiences you'd had. After you made up with Sherlock at the engagement party, the feeling persisted but it was almost duller, easier to live with. You’d slowly regained security in Sherlock’s role in your life and you no longer constantly worried he’d leave again. You returned to your version of mundane and your unrequited feelings for Sherlock became the new normal. It had become more of a consistent ache than a burn.
Sherlock interrupted your thoughts: “Shouldn’t it be relatively easy to find a new book to read if you work in a bookstore?”
“True, but I like this one,” you said without looking up from your book.
“Why? What do you gain from reading a convoluted story of questionable morals that provides no useful information?”
You finally put your book down. “Because, I like to read for fun. Maybe you should try it sometime.”
Sherlock smiled and scoffed at you then returned to his book.
You shook your head and downed the rest of your tea. “Okay, I’ve got to go to work.” You got up and took your mug to the kitchen. On your way back to gather your things, you noticed an open file on the kitchen table that looked like a John Watson scrapbook. You pulled the first paper off the stack to see a cutout of John’s head pasted onto the Vitruvian Man. “Sherlock?” you called over your shoulder, “What’s this file for?”
“What file?” He asked.
You picked up the file and carried it back to the living room. You returned to your seat and started thumbing through it.
“Oh. That’s for the stag night,” said Sherlock.
“Stag night? I didn’t think you would want to do that sort of thing”
“Why not?” He swiftly closed his book. If you didn’t know better, you’d take the action as a sign of offense.
“Uh, no reason,” you said hastily. The file was full of peer-reviewed studies on alcohol consumption, detailed chemistry notes, and copies of John’s medical records. The last page was a detailed schedule of where they were going and how much they were going to drink every hour. “This is awfully thorough.”
“I needed to ensure the maximum amount of enjoyment for the both of us for the duration of the night.”
“How considerate of you.” You put the file down and leaned forward. “So, what do you have planned?”
“John and I will be drinking at a pub on every street we ever found a corpse.”
“That is oddly perfect for the both of you.”
“I thought so,” Sherlock said with a grin.
You looked at the time. If you didn’t leave now, you’d be late. “Well, I’m off. See you later, Sherlock.”
“Yes, yes, goodbye,” he mumbled and returned to reading. You left the file on the table, gathered your belongings, and left for your shift. 
---------------------------------
Later that evening:
You closed the bookshop at 8 pm and headed to the tube station. As you made your way through the crowded streets, you heard your phone ringing. You dug through your bag to find it as you walked. You saw Sherlock’s name on the caller ID and answered it. Your ears were immediately assaulted by electronic dance music.
You heard Sherlock’s voice first “Shut up John, I’m calling her.” He shouted over the music
“Who?” you then recognized John’s voice.
“Her John, I’m calling her!”
You struggled to hear the call over the booming music “Hello?? Sherlock? Why are you calling me?”
“Oh! It’s y/n! Hello!” John shouted into the phone. You winced at the volume.
“John? Where are you? Are you drunk?”
“Stag night! Sherlock tried to measure my piss. Then he got into a fight.”
“Give me that back” Sherlock’s voice “Y/n meet us back at Baker Street. It’s an ‘mergency”
“What did you say? Sherlock? It’s really hard to hear,”
“Baker Street. Now!” He shouted then hung up.
For a moment, you stood in the street, dumbfounded. It was only 8 pm and both Sherlock and John were piss drunk at some club. You couldn’t even begin to process the rest of the information. So much for Sherlock’s plan, although it did seem like they had “maximized their enjoyment”. You weren’t about to miss this.
——————————
You arrived at Baker Street by 8:30 pm. You opened the door to find Sherlock and John laying across the bottom of the stairs. “Hello boys, I’m here.” You announced.
At the sound of your voice, Sherlock and John scrambled to sit upright. Sherlock fell down a step in the process. You tried your best to suppress your laughter. “So, I’m here. What’s the emergency, Sherlock?”
“Right, you,” He said, raising his arm to point at you. “Upstairs.”
You watched Sherlock and John slowly stand up. John lifted one foot to climb the stairs, then stumbled backward.
“Do you need help, John?” You asked.
“Nah,” he said, “‘s alright, I’m fine. I can do it myself.”  
You slowly helped Sherlock and John up and into the flat. Sherlock tried to take off his coat, but his arms got stuck behind him. You giggled and gently pulled his coat off him and hung it on the coat rack. You lead Sherlock over to his chair and he flopped down into it.
You went into the kitchen to get some water for him and John. You figured they’d need it. You searched the cabinets, but there wasn’t a clean glass in sight. You resorted to the clean beakers on the countertops instead. You poured two 250mL beakers most of the way with water and walked them back into the living room. When you returned, Sherlock was sitting in his chair. He was drinking from a glass of scotch.
“Sherlock,” you groaned. “Where did you get that?” You attempted to reach for the glass, but he pulled his hand away, spilling it all over himself.
“It’s okay, this is fine,” he said, staring at his scotch-soaked shirt. “Oh,” he started. “I almost forgot,” Sherlock leaned over the side of his chair to grab something off the floor “You left this,” Sherlock said and handed you your copy of Emma. You hadn’t even realized it was gone.
“That was the emergency?”
“I still don’t understand how you could read this 3 times,” Sherlock slurred. “It’s so- what’s the word? Incorrect? ‘There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.’ What an absurd thing to say” He contorted his face into an expression of disgust and took a sip of scotch from the glass in his hand.
“You read it? Today?” The fact that Sherlock had gone out of his way to read your favorite book made you unnaturally happy. You knew not to read into the things with Sherlock, but sometimes you couldn’t help yourself.
“You left it behind and I was so bored. Besides, I had to understand why you liked it so much. I still don’t know.”
You leaned over and snatched the glass of scotch from him. “I don’t think that’s the best idea, do you?” You handed him the beaker of water.
“Thank you,” he said with a goofy grin. In all the years you’d known Sherlock, you had never seen him like this. It was odd to say the least yet decidedly hilarious.
“Where’s John?”
Sherlock didn’t answer but pointed in the general direction of the bathroom. You decided to take the seat opposite Sherlock. As you sat down, Sherlock put his water on the floor. He then leaned forward and put his head in his hands, staring at you.
“What are you doing, Sherlock?” you asked.
“You,” he said, pointing at your face “are so hard to figure out sometimes, you know that?”
“Me?”
“It’s soooooo annoying. I can tell what almost everyone is thinking all the time, but not always you.”
“You think I’m hard to read?”
“Yes, you. Y/n L/n.” He waved his hands around while he slightly slurred his words.
“Okay then, how about this: I tell you what I’m thinking right now, and you do the same. Then, for one moment, we can understand each other completely.”
Sherlock furrowed his brow “You first.”
“I’m thinking… that I’m glad you called me.” Sherlock smiled and nodded. You giggled, “Now it’s your turn, and don’t lie to me. What are you thinking in this moment?”
Sherlock paused. “I’m thinking that my shirt’s all wet,” he said with a slight frown.
“That’s your own fault,” you said, putting one hand over your mouth to contain your laughter.
John re-entered the room holding post-it notes and a sharpie. “I’ve just had the best idea,” he said with a sloppy grin.
-----------------------------
The three of you all had post-its stuck to your foreheads, each with names written down. John sat in the client’s seat with the name MADONNA scribbled on the piece of paper stuck to his forehead. Sherlock, much to your enjoyment, had SHERLOCK HOLMES sloppily written on his forehead. As per the game, you had no idea what was written on yours. Sherlock was lounging back in his chair, resting his head on his hand.
“Am I a vegetable?” asked John
“You? Or the thing?” Sherlock asked smiling. The two of them snickered.
“Funny!” said John.
Sherlock looked down and smiled. “Thank you,” he choked out.
“To answer your question, John, no,” you said.
“Your go, Sherlock,” said John.
“Erm…. am I human?” he asked, turning to you.
“Sometimes,” you said with a smirk.
“No, no, it can’t be sometimes, can’t have that…”
“Fine. Yes, you’re human” you confirmed. “My turn. Am I a man?”
“Yeeep” answered John. “Sherlock, you again,” John said, forgetting it was his turn.
“Am I a man?”
John nodded. Sherlock kept going. “Am I a tall man?”
John looked at you and started laughing before he even spoke “Mm, not as tall as people think.” John’s head flopped to the side as he let out a hiccup
“Nice?”
“Ishh,” John said skeptically.
“Clever?”
“I’d say so,” you interjected.
“Do people…” he made air quotes as he spoke the word ‘people’ “... like me?”
“Not really,” you said, chuckling “You tend to rub them the wrong way.” If you had to babysit your adult drunk friends, you might as well have some fun.
“Hm,” Sherlock nodded intently. “Am I the current King of England?”
You and John immediately burst into laughter. “Good guess, Sherlock. But you do know England doesn’t have a king?” 
“Don’t we?”
“No,” John said. “Y/n, you go now”
“Right, okay. Am I a friend of ours?”
“Ehh, yes?” Sherlock said.
“Yes, yes they are Sherlock,” said John “Jesus.”
“Well, that narrows it down significantly. Am I Greg?”
“Who’s Greg?” Sherlock asked.
You rolled your eyes and took the post-it off your forehead. The name “Gavin” was written on it in Sherlock’s handwriting. Of course.
“Hey!” Sherlock yelled, “Cheater, that’s cheating. John, did you see that? Y/n’s cheating.” Sherlock got up and took the post-it from your hand. He leaned forward and stuck it back on your forehead. “There. Now it’s John’s turn.”
“Am I a woman?” asked John. He slumped in his seat. Sherlock immediately started giggling. “What?” John asked.
“Yes,” confirmed Sherlock
“Am I a pretty woman?”
“Er, beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences, and role models.”
“But am I pretty?” John asked again.
“Yeah, Sherlock? Is John a pretty woman?”
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who you’re supposed to be.”
“What?! You picked the name,” John said.
“Ah, but I picked it at random from the papers,” Sherlock said, flailing his arm over to the stack of newspapers in the corner.
“I don’t think you understand the point of this game, Sherlock,” you added.
“So, I am human, I’m not as tall as people think I am ... I’m-I’m nice-ish ... clever, but I tend to rub them up the wrong way.”
“That’s correct,” said John.
“I’m you, aren’t I?” Sherlock asked, pointing to John.
“Ooh-ooh!” Mrs. Hudson chirped as she knocked on the door. “Client!” Behind Mrs. Hudson was a woman wearing a nurse’s outfit with a cardigan over it. You scrambled to take the post-it off your forehead as you stood up.
“Hello, I’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time—”
Sherlock immediately stood up and interrupted you. “It’s not a bad time, no, no Y/n. We always help a person in need.”
“Do we?” you said with a forced smile and looked over at John for help. John just stared back blankly at you with a goofy drunken smile.
The woman beamed “Thank you,” she said. “Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?”
John imitated a slide whistle, and pointed to Sherlock’s post-it on his forehead. Sherlock flashed a wide toothy grin. You put your head in your hands in defeat.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A few moments later, you’d made the woman, Tessa, some tea, and you John and Sherlock were sitting on the couch. Sherlock was sat in between you and John. Tessa sat in a chair opposite the three of you.
“I don’t ... a lot ... I mean, I don’t ... date all that much ... and ... he seemed ... nice, you know?”
You looked over at Sherlock and John hoping they could keep it together. John was blinking slowly and heavily while trying to stay awake. Sherlock was listening to Tessa’s story intently.
She continued. “We seemed to automatically connect. We had one night – dinner, such interesting conversation. It was ... lovely. To be honest, I’d love to have gone further ...”
Beside you, Sherlock closed his eyes and began to lean into your shoulder, dozing off. You subtly elbowed him, and he straightened up abruptly.
“But I thought, no, this is special. Let’s take it slowly, exchange numbers. He said he’d get in touch and then ... Maybe he wasn’t quite as keen as I was ...”
You looked over at John who was practically asleep with his eyes open. He had a blank stare and his mouth hung slightly open.
“But I – I just thought ... at least he’d call to say that we were finished,” Tessa concluded, tearing up slightly and looking at the floor. Immediately, Sherlock’s face contorted into an expression of sympathy as he dramatically brought his hand to his mouth. You stared in disbelief and handed Tessa a tissue. “Thank you,” she said to you. “I went round there, to his flat. No trace of him. Mr. Holmes…”
Sherlock leaned forward and rested his head on his hands.
“I honestly think I had dinner ... with a ghost.”
You and Tessa waited to hear what Sherlock had to say. You leaned forward to look at Sherlock and John’s faces only to discover they had both fallen asleep.
“With a ghost, Mr. Holmes!” Tessa repeated, louder.
You sharply elbowed Sherlock in the ribs much harder than before, and he sprung awake. “Boring, boring, boring,” he mumbled, then turned to you and put his hands on either side of your head. “No! fascinating!” He exclaimed, his face right up close to yours. Sherlock then turned to John “John – John! Wake up!” John finally stirred awake.
“I’m up,” he mumbled.
“Apologies about my ... you know ... thing,” Sherlock said, pointing at John. “Rude. Rude!” he yelled straight into your ear. You grimaced at the loud noise and put your hand on Sherlock’s forearm to settle him.
“Yes, that’s enough, Sherlock,” you whispered. “Uhm, go on, Tessa.”
“I checked with the landlord, and the man who lived there died. Heart attack. And there we are, having dinner one week on.” She turned and began to rummage through her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to Sherlock. You grabbed it before he could take it. It was a print-out of an online chatroom. “And I found this thing online, sort of chatroom thing for girls who think they’re dating men from the spirit world.”
You nodded. This actually seemed like a decent case. Too bad Sherlock and John probably wouldn’t remember one word of it tomorrow. Sherlock tried to stand up next to you, wobbled, and then put one hand on the top of your head to steady himself. You groaned and struggled to untangle his hand from your hair.
“Don’t worry. I’ll find him in ten minutes,” Sherlock said confidently. Tessa smiled in relief. “What’s your dog’s name?”
You facepalmed and stood up next to Sherlock. He leaned over to wake up John. “John! Wake up! We’re meant to ... The game’s ... something” he said, waving his hand around.
“On!” yelled John.
“Yes, that,” Sherlock said, walking out the door. “Come on, Y/n.”
“Wait, Sherlock. Where are you going?” You protested, following him down the stairs.
“That’s a good question. Where are we going?” he asked Tessa in the foyer.
“Oh! Well, I suppose we ought to go to his flat,” Tessa said.
“Sherlock, no,” you said, “You can’t leave...” you looked off the the side awkwardly “…like this.” He ignored you and dragged John out to the sidewalk by his sweater sleeve. He stepped out into the street and hailed down a cab.
“40a, Jasmine Grove,” interjected Tessa as the cab pulled up.
“Are you coming Y/n?” Sherlock slurred.
“No!” you yelled. “And neither are you.” Before you could reach him, Sherlock climbed into the cab after John and Tessa and slammed the cab door in your face. The car drove off. 
“Come on, really?!” you yelled in frustration. Now you had to follow them. You ran to the edge of the sidewalk and decided to call a cab for yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------
You finally made it to the apartment to see Tessa and a man you presumed to be the landlord standing by the door. It was a rather modern apartment with exposed brick and abstract furniture. John was standing in the corner with his hands crossed over his chest and his lips pursed. He was swaying slightly, trying to keep his balance. You pushed past the landlord to see Sherlock kneeling on a shag carpet holding his pocket magnifier. As soon as you walked in, he face-planted into the carpet and passed out.
“He’s clueing for looks” John announced, proudly.
“Oh god,” you said, scrambling over to Sherlock. You grabbed his upper arm and tried to pull him up. God, he was heavy. 
“That’s it, I’m calling the police.” The landlord pulled out his cell phone.
“No, no, please, that won’t be necessary,” you protested.
“This is a famous detective. It’s Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson,” Tessa clarified.
You finally managed to get Sherlock to straighten up. “When did you get here?” Sherlock asked, looking up at you. Then, he bent over and immediately threw up on the carpet.
“Ugh why?” you groaned and plugged your nose. Sherlock wiped his mouth on his sleeve and then clicked his magnifier shut.
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The next morning…
The landlord had called the police and the night ended with you watching Sherlock and John being driven away in the back of a police car. You’d immediately called Greg hoping he’d let them go. Greg had said the best he could do was try and let them off with a warning if they spent the night in the drunk tank. When the station opened, Greg sent you a photo of Sherlock and John asleep in a cell with the caption “Come and get ‘em!”
You walked into Scotland Yard and Greg was there to meet you. “Thank you, Greg,” you said, handing him one of the 4 coffees you’d brought.
“God, what on earth happened to them?” Greg asked, taking a sip from the coffee you gave him.
“Stag night got a bit out of hand,” you said. “Afraid I lost control of the situation.”  
“You can say that again,” agreed Greg as the two of you walked through the station to the drunk tank.
“Rise and Shine!” Greg bellowed as he swung open the door. John was awake and sitting on the floor. He had his hands on his head while Sherlock was still fast asleep on the bench.
“Oh my god,” John said, grimacing in pain. “Is that Greg?”
“Get up,” he said “Y/n’s come to collect you. Managed to square things with the desk sergeant.” John painfully and slowly got up. “What a couple of lightweights! Y/n said you couldn’t even make it to closing time!”
“Yeah, could you whisper?” John asked.
“NOT REALLY!” Greg shouted straight into his ear. Across the cell, Sherlock jolted awake, mouth wide open in shock. He tried to stand up, then fell backward back onto the bench. You walked over and helped him up.
“There you go, Sherlock. Nice and easy,” you said quietly and handed him one of the coffees. He took it and stumbled out of the cell, head down. He looked like hell, not to mention the way he smelled. You caught up to John and handed him one of the remaining coffees, leaving the last for yourself. You took a sip of your coffee and continued down the hall. 
“Well, thanks for a ... you know ... an evening,” John said to Sherlock.
“Oh, it was awful,” Sherlock said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I was gonna pretend, but it was, truly,” said John. He then turned to you. “Y/n, I am so sorry, that was—”
“It’s okay, I had fun,” you said with a smile.
“At least someone did,” said Sherlock. “That woman, Tessa, dated a ghost. The most interesting case for months. What a wasted opportunity.”
“Really? That’s your takeaway from this?” you asked. He shrugged. “Come on, boys, let’s get you home.” 
A/N: Stag night! I love this part of the episode, so I hope I did it justice. Funny story. When I was writing this, I was trying to find real book titles for Sherlock to read and I came across a real book titled “Surrounded by Idiots” I wanted to use it in the story SO BAD but it was so perfect, that it sounded cheesy and made up lmao. I’m 100% certain Sherlock would have it in his bookcase though. 
Taglist: @the-chaotic-cow @amoeebaa @scorpios-echos @sad-bitch-h0ur @drifting-away-in-space @that-thing-in-the-graveyard 
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avspol · 2 years
Note
Uh for the whole character meme thing... what about Avdol??
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there are still some of these left in my inbox but this will be the final one! sorry to everyone who sent one that i haven't answered <3
send me a character
favourite thing: okay okay where do i start. for avdol my favourite favourite thing is all the juxtapositions in his personality! he is goofy he is impulsive he is very kind but also a bit of a bastard and he desperately wants to portray the image that he is a Calm Responsible Fortune Teller and then he goes and risks his life for a french guy not once but TWICE. and polnareff i just like his tits idk
(okay for real polnareff is one of the most human and relatable jojo characters. again there he has this inherent duality like. his backstory and life in general tbh is profoundly sad and yet he's the comic relief. he is funny and tragic and honourable and stupid and brave. overall they are both 10000/10 very good interesting characters and in many ways more similar than either of them would want to admit)
least favourite thing: avdol's! lack! of! backstory! and araki's treatment of him in general smh. for polnareff hmm i am not a big fan overall of p5 polnareff. i feel like he's really just used as a plot device (much like avdol in p3)
favourite line:
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brotp: joseph and avdol! i would love to see a spinoff about how they met and the adventures they went on pre-sdc. and of course polnareff and kakyoin is one of my favourite friendships in jojo ever because it's so funny and bittersweet
otp: AVPOL
notp: any ship that isn't avpol doesn't register properly in my brain because it doesn't make sense and i simply cannot perceive it
random headcanon: neither of them can be trusted in the kitchen because they are both like "do NOT use your stand in the kitchen we've been over this" but then when the other isnt looking polnareff will try to prepare onions by throwing them at silver chariot to slice up mid-air or avdol will use magicians red to speed up baking bread and the oven would explode
unpopular opinion: i. think polnareff should've died at the end of sdc instead of avdol. sorry. i love polnareff but his character arc is pretty much wrapped up by the end of p3 and he's achieved everything he set out to do. avdol on the other hand still has lots of potential as a character and would be more relevant in p5 due to his knowledge of stands etc. i mean overall i wish neither of them had died but. yeah
song: a pearl by mitski for avdol, good old fashioned lover boy by queen for polnareff, and soul meets body by death cab for cutie for both of them!
favourite picture: look at these guys right here oh my god. oh my god
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shihalyfie · 3 years
Text
Comparing the original Best Partner character song series and the new one, and what that says about the 02 cast
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So if you haven’t heard yet, a new series of 02 (it’s actually Kizuna) character songs dropped! Allegedly intended as a slightly delayed 20th anniversary project, the series is a callback to the original “Best Partner” character song album series that released during 02′s actual airing.
If you know anything about the original Best Partner series, it’s one that sets an insanely high bar, even for Digimon standards (and that’s saying something, given the deep associations this franchise has with music). The series of character songs before it, Adventure’s “Character Song + Mini Drama” series, has a…kind of questionable amount of relevance to each character; it’s not like they’re super amazingly out of character, but they don’t really tell you a lot about each character beyond some gloss details (this is probably best demonstrated in how Mimi’s song is blatantly just an AiM single disguised as a Mimi song). Best Partner, on the other hand, very intimately goes into each character’s head and their relationships with their respective partners, even putting in direct words what wasn’t stated explicitly in the series.
So does the new series live up to the high bar its predecessor sets? Answer: on top of some abnormal attention to detail on the covers, it is very obvious that the new series not only has a lot of the depth of the 02 characters in mind, but also is made in direct response to the original series itself. Moreover, putting the original Best Partner series and this one side by side reveals a lot about each of the 02 characters and what they got out of 02′s story, in a surprisingly neat summary.
Let’s go into how!
Since this is something that has a deep relationship with all of these characters in regards to the series, this particular meta would not have been possible without input from multiple people who know these characters better than I could ever hope to by myself. Thank you for all of your help.
A bit of historical context
The original Best Partner series consisted of a set of albums, one representing each pair of partners in 02. Notably, even though nowadays there’s a specific order of the Adventure/02 characters that’s used in modern media, not only does the original series not follow that ordering (as it hadn’t been set in stone at the time), it also leads with the original Adventure characters and not the 02 ones, which is pretty unusual for a series that’s ostensibly supposed to be for 02 (modern lineups will usually favor leading with whichever group the relevant product is branded with).
A lot of this probably makes more sense when you realize that the original Best Partner series was released during the first half of 02’s airing. The final album was released on August 23, 2000, four days before the fateful 02 episode 21 (yes, that means the third track on Ken and Wormmon’s album is actually a spoiler). So in other words, while the original Best Partner series accurately reflects the older Adventure group’s character development and what problems they were able to sufficiently overcome, the 02 group does not have anything about their character development from 02′s second half reflected in it at all.
That’s actually a really huge disparity, when you think about it, especially because a lot happened with the 02 group in that second half – that second half was where the emotional payoff and the results of everything that had been building up over that first half came together. So in comparison to the Adventure group, composed of people confidently talking about what they’ve decided for themselves from now on, you still have the 02 group drenched pretty deeply in insecurity. Watch 02 to the end and listen to those songs again, and you might even think “wait, this is supposed to represent these characters?” So, in essence, the new Best Partner series serves to address that gap, and what the 02 group gained and learned out of 02′s second half.
Best Partner (and its successor series for Tamers, Best Tamers) follows a uniform format: a solo song for the human partner, a solo song for the Digimon partner, and a duet between the two. (Given that, the original Best Partner series was really huge, at a whole 36 songs.) Recalling that, in the Adventure universe, a Digimon partner reflects the human’s inner self and psyche, it’s pretty extensive coverage: what the human has to say about themself, what place their Digimon partner is in relative to that, and what the nature of their relationship is due to that.
Let’s go into each pair of partners in detail!
Daisuke and V-mon
For those who love 02 and love Daisuke in particular, when you ask “what kind of character is Daisuke like?” or “what’s Daisuke’s best quality?”, you’re probably going to get answers like “forward-thinking” or “positive” or “good at uplifting others” – basically everything to do with how Daisuke is an encouraging presence who doesn’t give in easily and has a strong mentality of moving forward in the face of despair. Someone who appreciates and understands others’ best qualities, and loves them for everything they are. So when you look at his original Best Partner solo song, Goggle Boy…
But more than just saving the world I really don’t want to lose, you know
…Uh…
These goggles are my proof Given by a certain someone to me The precious thing he handed over It’s just like his Crest, you know Aren’t they cool?
…Well, that’s nowhere to be found.
This is the kind of song that might make you think “wait, this is supposed to be Daisuke’s representative song?!” (It’s possibly because of this that Daisuke’s song from The Bridge to Dreams, Tomorrow, generally tended to be far more favored among Daisuke fans, although it’s more relevant to 02 as a whole than it is to Daisuke in particular.) if you listen to Goggle Boy knowing about what Daisuke’s best qualities should be, this is almost a little frustrating, because this is the kind of thing he really shouldn’t be pigeonholed as – basically, begging for others’ approval and praise and focusing on idolizing others. Even his most insightful moments in this song come from his appreciation of something that came from someone else (Taichi), not from himself.
Well, the thing is, that was Daisuke’s character for most of the first half of 02. Of course, even in early episodes, there were many times where Daisuke’s potential for positivity and forward-thinkingness were starting to poke through, but most of the time he was rolling over trying to please others and chasing after his seniors. The real period of time he started to grow into his own about this was 02 episode 24 and its aftermath – when his time spent with his friends started to fill the void in his life and his need for validation, and the escalating situation, especially with Ken, led him to have a proper grasp of what was properly important and what needed to be done.
So when we get to his new solo, RUNNING MAN…
I’ll keep on running far ahead Let’s bring everyone along with me, today, too Really, always, thank you, Thank you so much Riding the wind, going past the sky Grasping your hands and flying I’m even starting to see beyond my dreams
Even in only one section, you can get an instant image of the Motomiya Daisuke we all know and love – someone who appreciates his friends’ role in his life, loves their company, and moves positively towards the future. Because, again, after the events of 02, and after being able to bond further with his friends and gaining his own strengths in leading everyone forward, he became able to more properly express his love for everything instead of constantly vying for others’ attention. Even the title reflects the change, from a “boy” who’s flashing the symbol of courage he got from someone else, to a “man” who’s positively running forward on his own merits.
(Interestingly, RUNNING MAN is composed by Ohta Michihiko, a legendary composer who’s made many of some of the most important songs in the franchise, and also composed many of the original Best Partner songs, including Goggle Boy. It’s interesting how RUNNING MAN is the one most like the original songs in atmosphere as a result – possibly representing how Daisuke is a simple-minded person who ostensibly doesn’t change drastically in disposition – yet has lyrical content that’s so starkly different.)
As a result, this is subtly reflected in the other two songs in each album as well – remember that V-mon is one of the partners who most “matches” his own partner in terms of disposition and mentality. So as Daisuke shifted his own priorities, V-mon did too; we go from Go Ahead! being about taking a stand and fighting, whereas Beyond the Future is about a similar forward-thinking mentality to Daisuke’s.
Likewise, the duets have different priorities as well; 2-TOP was composed of Daisuke and V-mon bickering for the most of it, and the most substantial point you could get about it was that despite their bickering, they made it work, whereas HEY-rasshai! has them almost entirely in sync (with one minor moment of deviance). It’s also interesting to see the topics covered in each; 2-TOP is about soccer, which ultimately is revealed to be a fairly incidental hobby for Daisuke, whereas HEY-rasshai! is about ramen making, which, while comical, also has a very strong tie to “Daisuke’s dream for the future, and his willingness to single-mindedly dedicate himself to something when it’s something he truly wants”. In other words, while Daisuke knew what he wanted since elementary school, it says a lot that he’s at a point where he and V-mon are now taking proactive steps to have that dream achieved, now that they’re able.
Ken and Wormmon
Like with his position in 02 itself, Ken’s is probably the easiest to see the contrast without trying too hard, but there’s still quite a lot to unpack!
When you think about it, in the modern era, it’s actually surprisingly hard to find stuff too relevant to Ken’s time as the Kaiser. The reason is, simply, that the series itself discourages this – Ken himself had an obvious aversion to dwelling too much on it, and the entire series itself has a strong theme of “moving on”. It’s not to say that the Kaiser doesn’t have a fanbase (I’m sorry if you’re reading this and find that I might be implying too hard that you don’t exist), but rather that there’s a franchise and fanart tendency to focus more on “Ken-chan” than “the Kaiser” these days, and old merch from the first half of the series will all too often get responses of “it’s really sad Ken-chan can’t be there…” Of course, 02 itself was also about accepting one’s mistakes, not pretending they never happened, so it’d be foolhardy to deny Ken’s dark history entirely, but it’s retroactively interesting to see such a prominent and persistent piece of merch like Ken and Wormmon’s original Best Partner album focus so largely on Ken’s time as the Kaiser when most of the franchise ended up trying to move on.
Starting with Ken’s solo songs, and his first one, ONLY ONE:
I’ve lived without showing my true feelings, wearing this mask
Well, this was easy to tell from the series itself, but the point driven home is that Ken didn’t want to expose his true self to others, putting on a front of “strength” and smashing his true feelings into the corner so that he could become more of the “perfect” person he thought he was supposed to be. There’s also another interesting line that one should pay attention to:
I polished the knife in my heart and put my belief in infinite power
Basically, putting up a defensive front to prevent anything from approaching his weaknesses.
Anyway, moving onto his new song, Never Ending:
If I want to be proud of tomorrow’s version of myself I wonder, what can I do? Never Give-up I’ll keep fighting, even doing someone else’s part No, I won’t be afraid anymore
First of all, the main theme of the song is about putting conscious thought into understanding how to stay true to himself – basically, understanding what it is he really wants to do and become, instead of putting on fronts and hiding it from others. Not only that, we see traces of what exactly he gained over the course of the second half of 02 – because so much of it involved constantly trying to blame himself for everything, this song is about what he came to learn in terms of proactively making it up and actively fighting forward. He’s working hard!
We also have this part:
The knife that’s pointed at someone, or at myself If it’s been let go of
Two things going on here: firstly, we have an explicit reference to the metaphorical “knife” Ken referred to putting up in ONLY ONE, talking about finally letting it go instead of bothering with this kind of front. He also points out that, in a sense, the knife was pointed at himself too, either in the sense of actually having hurt himself through this entire ideal, or in the sense that he constantly was trying to blame and punish himself for everything. None of that should be necessary anymore. Moreover, Never Ending contains a lot of references to “daily life” and the happiness that comes with the simplicity of just being alive – because that was indeed what Ken gained through his experiences, the ability to treasure living life in itself instead of aspiring to an impossible standard.
Another interesting thing about Never Ending is that it’s technically in a similar rock genre to ONLY ONE instead of being “soft”, like Ken’s personality is often thought to be. This was a surprise to a lot of people who commented on how surprisingly “cool” the song was, but this is actually completely in line with Ken arguably being one of the most openly assertive people in this group even after his reformation. Note that it’s very difficult to call this song purely angsty – it’s definitely positive and forward-thinking, and the chorus itself is partially in major key – but it has the vibe of someone who’s fully aware of everything that’s happened, is putting proper thought into it, and is pushing on despite everything. Remember, the intensity the Kaiser had originally came from somewhere; Ichijouji Ken is the same person, in the end.
In regards to Wormmon’s song, the contrast is also obvious: The Future You Dreamed of, the Future I Dreamed Of. is of course about Wormmon’s tormented feelings during the Kaiser’s abusive relationship with him, whereas can change it! is about its aftermath and how they made up (including copious references to the events of 02 episode 23). Even then, there’s a certain “forward-thinking” attitude that marks this song as being representative of being after 02’s events and not during – see the line “The mistake we made that day/is exactly the reason we’ll never let it happen again”, instead of the self-punishment and shame Stingmon expressed in 02 episode 26).
On top of that, the duet song Forever Adolescence also marks a subtle progression from the point they were at from True Strength – remembering that Best Partner 12 was released at a time when True Strength was actually a bit of a spoiler, while Ken and Wormmon obviously had made up by that point, the key line in it is still “everything truly begins from here”. So what, exactly, happened after that? According to Forever Adolescence, the decision made was to keep moving forward, and, moreover, to stay “the way they are”, especially with the nuance that it means it’s okay to not force oneself into the role of an adult and stay “young at heart”. This is really, really important in light of the events of Kizuna, the 02 group’s unusual role in it and its relevance to 02′s themes (more on this below), and how Spring 2003 referred to the pressure placed on Osamu as him being “forced to grow up too quickly” – in essence, Ken and Wormmon have firmly resolved to actively move away from that kind of pressure.
Miyako and Hawkmon
I’ve pointed out several times on this blog that the actual complex Miyako was going through in 02 was that she hated herself more than anyone else in the group would be willing to criticize her – and if you don’t believe me, it’s put in a pretty heavy-handed manner in her original song, Crash and Bingo!:
Fussing about it won’t get anything done But my selfishness and problems and panic keep coming out
…and even more viciously in her own and Hawkmon’s duet, Fly High:
I can’t do anything right, besides playing around with computers
or
Everyone would be still be fine if I weren’t there
If you thought it was subtle in the main series, it certainly isn’t here: Miyako considered herself good for absolutely nothing and unable to be accepted by others for being too useless – in these songs, despite Hawkmon’s attempts to uplift her, she criticizes her own messy tendencies and considers herself a burden. Best Partner is a positive series, so it still has the attitude of “we’ll try anyway”, but it’s clear that Miyako really didn’t have the highest opinion of herself at all. Hence, Fly High also shows off the worst of Hawkmon having to deal with the fallout – with Miyako flailing around in panic and considering herself good for nothing, he’s forced to carry her around.
But come Miyako’s new solo, From Spain with Love!, we see a huge contrast all over the place:
I, who have evolved into an adult make everyone do a double-take at me when I walk by!
Exhibit A: actual confidence in herself and ability to consider herself worth something;
If I can always, always be honest with myself Even if I don’t put together some program, even if I keep screwing up Ah, you understand me
Exhibit B: understanding that she’s worth something to others besides her utility abilities, and knowing that she has friends who’ll support her despite her flaws (which is very true);
When things are feeling hard, the first thing you should do is call me, okay? I’ll take the wings of love and purity, spread them, and get there as fast as I can Ah, I’ll open up any gate I need to
Exhibit C: indulging in her capacity for helping and supporting others;
Al mal tiempo, buena cara We laugh exactly when things are hard
Exhibit D: understanding the strength to get through hard times, instead of emotionally crumbling under the pressure.
Yep, that’s exactly what her character arc in 02 was about; 02 episode 31 was a huge turning point for her because, in the depths of her berating herself for her messiness and expecting Hikari to be secretly judging her the whole time, Hikari revealed that she was outright jealous of Miyako being able to speak her mind, and Miyako shortly after ended up showing her true capacity for reaching others who needed her help and supporting them, a role she ended up growing into for the rest of the series. Note that, other than the casual remark of confidence at the beginning, Miyako hasn’t necessarily become arrogant or anything – it’s just that, by focusing her energies into how much she loves everyone and turning her “nosiness” and “sticking herself into others’ business” tendencies into positive energy to help everyone, she gained more confidence in her ability to be loved and accepted by others.
This is reflected as well in her new duet with Hawkmon, where, instead of Hawkmon dragging her around everywhere, their differences and mismatched personalities are outright celebrated, and while Miyako still has awareness of her messy tendencies, she’s no longer letting it emotionally rip her apart and has confidence that Hawkmon can be by her side to help her through it. Perhaps reflecting that, Hawkmon himself goes from the over-the-top, dramatic, high-strung Knight of Love to the more calm and straightforward Gentle Tornado, perhaps because his own partner isn’t constantly bouncing off the walls recklessly nearly as much anymore.
Incidentally, it’s not like all of this is without nuance, either; even if Miyako’s become more of a confident person, she’s not all put-together. Considering that the entire song has her gushing about how she’d be willing to drop anything to go see her friends (which was pushed forward in Kizuna itself, what with her willingly taking the same request she’d refused to do earlier just because her friends were involved, and even inventing D-3 gate exploitation just to go see them), when you get to the end, and her gushing about her fun in Spain suddenly derails into reminiscing about the events of 02 episode 42, the implication is clear: for as much as she wants to be wholeheartedly enjoying this fun trip abroad for what it is, she can’t help but let her thoughts float back to memories and friends she cares about, and her bonus conversation with Hawkmon drives it in further that, ultimately, she dearly misses them too much.
Iori and Armadimon
Iori also went through some drastic changes in character over the course of 02, so when you look at My Conclusion, it’s basically Iori at his “worst” point of black-and-white morality:
Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Evil will not be tolerated Even evil in itself will be defeated by justice That will always be a certainty in the end
I mean, let’s even consider the fact that the song is called “My Conclusion” in the first place. Iori’s slamming this all down like this is the end-all of everything, and you can’t change his mind! He does briefly admit that there are certain things reason itself won’t change, but it’s more like he’s on the verge of having an out, because in the end, really…
Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Our enemies are beyond reason Again and again, to the very end They will certainly use cowardly means to come and attack us
Rationality. No feelings involved. Evil is evil, and justice is justice. No takebacks. Life exists by rules, and nothing else.
Message to the Future is possibly one of the most interesting songs in the original Best Partner collection, because it does actually provide hints about where Iori should be going in the future, and also has a lot of things that retroactively hit a lot harder from the meta perspective. The song fully fleshes out Iori’s feelings and concerns about how to grow up into a proper adult (which was hinted to be his real motivation as to why he was so strict with himself in 02), and that, most of all, what he wants is for his “feelings” to never change no matter what happens. Iori expresses concerns about how he might change as an adult to Armadimon, and Armadimon assures him that he’ll still be “Iori”, no matter what.
So, come the new character song collection, Iori’s new solo song is aptly titled “Things That Won’t Change” – because, in the end, despite everything that changed, his feelings did not. He says it himself: the important parts that he really wanted, the desire to do the right thing and to protect others, never changed a bit at all since “back then”. What did change, however, was his way of going about it.
Rather than what someone else has decided I’ve chosen my own future now
and again:
Rather than imitating someone else This is to shout out my own future
The emphasis on this being Iori’s own choice is important because Iori has finally decided not to live by strict rules imposed on him nor by imitating others (remember, part of the reason he kept doing what he did back in 02 was because he had such a strong belief “my father would have done this”). Others had been encouraging him to “make his own decisions” from the get-go – even Hida Chikara himself had told him that he was the one who needed to decide what to do in any moment in 02 episode 5 – and after dealing with a violation of his own morals in having to kill a Digimon in 02 episode 44, one episode later, in discussing with Takeru, Iori has to come to terms with the decision to continue fighting because “this is what I have decided myself”, because it’s not about whether he has an obligation to keep fighting for the sake of justice, but because he, himself, wants to protect others, and will do what it takes to do so. There’s no more of these strict rules of “because it must be this way” or the black-and-white morality that caused him to be so initially hostile towards Ken and Oikawa, but an understanding that these things need to be decided from the heart.
Moreover, unlike My Conclusion, Things That Won’t Change isn’t written like Iori’s turning in some school essay, but rather, more than half the song is in casual-form Japanese (which was associated with Iori when he became more emotional and wasn’t keeping himself in check anymore), and is more of a thoughtful reflection of his own feelings rather than trying to pass itself off as following rules because he must.
Thus, while the duet Choo Choo Tryin’ isn’t as heavy-handed as Message to the Future, Iori and Armadimon acknowledge that they need to be forward-thinking and keep going (generally tied to the message of 02 in itself), and Iori outright discusses the potential pitfalls of becoming too stiff. Furthermore, the song has copious rap portions, which seems rather unfitting for Iori on its face – until you realize that not only was Iori sometimes willing to indulge in more fun even back during 02 (just because he was strict with himself didn’t mean he was a complete killjoy), Iori’s also just a lot more flexible-minded in general, and has a penchant for wanting to do things right when he’s given a task. (His delivery of the rap in the song isn’t monotonous nor overly emotional, but has the nuance of someone who’s trying to recite all of it with caution.)
The part that’s particularly striking from the meta perspective is that Iori and Armadimon are no longer voiced by the same voice actress; Message to the Future was essentially Urawa Megumi talking to herself. So now, Iori has a new voice actor, and in many ways has become very different from Armadimon – but because Armadimon sounds a little like Iori, you could say he’s helping preserve the childish side of Iori that’s more important than ever to hold onto, especially since Iori himself worried about changing too much. And so, Iori’s still willing to indulge in a sort of “fun” song like this, and in the end, despite everything, you understand that they haven’t drifted apart at all in the slightest.
That’s not to say that Armadimon himself hasn’t changed either – in fact, he’s changed himself in response to how much Iori has. His original solo song had a lot of easygoingness to it, and some constant reminders for Iori to please, please chill – but his new one has a much stronger sense of resolve and forward-thinking attitude, reflecting that, while Iori himself technically had to learn to embrace more emotional uncertainty through the events of 02, it was also able to give him much stronger resolve that this was something he was doing because he was emotionally prepared for it, not out of some sense of moral obligation.
Takeru and Patamon
I’ve already covered Takeru’s original Best Partner song Focus and how it’s probably not about shipping as much as the fanbase tends to pin it as, but in any case, the operative part is here:
Before I knew it, I was watching over you Still standing at a skewed angle from behind The focus of your heart I wonder, is it on me, or… No, I can’t ask
Takeru couldn’t bring himself to ask sensitive questions or be straightforward about his emotions – which is basically what was Takeru’s lingering problem over Adventure and 02, that he kept swerving around or even lying about sensitive topics and holding everything inside, until one of his triggers was hit and everything exploded. Therefore, even when an important question about someone else comes up, he “can’t ask”. Moreover, for all Takeru is known as a lighthearted and kind person, Focus is a really turbulent song with a really harsh arrangement, and it’s a pretty accurate view of all the complicated and sometimes even negative emotions that Takeru was (badly) coping with over the course of 02.
This was the whole issue with Takeru and Iori’s Jogress arc in 02 episodes 34-36 – that Iori felt he couldn’t understand nor communicate well with Takeru, and had to eventually take matters into his own hands in order to properly understand his feelings. Takeru’s further interactions with Iori were significantly more straightforward for the rest of the series, and the experience also led to Takeru being able to more openly communicate with Ken as well, since the two had been on awkward speaking terms for most of the third quarter of the series.
So when we get to Step High Step…
You lament, you don’t have confidence in yourself I’m saying this to you as I’ve been watching you You’re amazing at all times
The song features Takeru being fairly straightforward about his feelings and opinions instead of just dodging it and going for an “everything’s okay” keeping-the-peace attitude, and not only that, he’s commenting on someone else, something that he probably would have refrained from in 02 for being intrusive. Of course, Takeru was always a nice person, but he wasn’t exactly straightforward about being nice back then – and yet here we are.
Since Focus is probably about his relationship with Patamon and how he kind of wasn’t exactly straightforward about his worries with him either (see 02 episode 34), it’s also interesting to compare Takeru and Patamon’s duet songs as well. Steppin’ out does portray a progression from Adventure in that they’ve accepted they can “do things over” again after things crash down (presumably referring to Angemon’s death and rebirth), but you’ll notice there isn’t much in the way of actual communciation between the two – something that’s not only present in Le Lien, but also portrays them as outright in-sync to the point of “telepathy”. We’re talking about a pair where the fanbase has historically had doubts about how similar they were back in 02 because of how “mismatched” they seemed!
Which, incidentally, they weren’t actually – you can see Patamon pretending he’s not about to cry in his original Best Partner song Don’t Stop Pata-Pata, much like how Takeru would cover up his own emotions, and gritting his teeth and resolving to fight harder. Meanwhile, while Ring of Smiles ostensibly continues to have Patamon be “sweet and cute”, it contains a lot of important nuances of “appreciating daily life with friends”, even if Patamon himself can’t quite find words for it – in other words, it’s actually some rather insightful and thoughtful sentiments from Patamon about the importance of being with and connecting with others, mirroring what Takeru himself learned in connecting with the others around him, especially Iori.
Hikari and Tailmon
Remember, Hikari has two lines (one in Adventure and one in 02) that basically summarize the main “issue” she was dealing with in both series: she was selfless to unhealthy levels, and would prioritize others’ welfare over herself to the point of self-destruction. So in her original solo Best Partner song, Gentle Rain, she puts it pretty explicitly:
I want to always be wearing nothing but smiles But I can’t be cheerful all of the time
or:
So that I can become a greater version of myself Please give me strength
All things considered, Gentle Rain is full of Hikari’s own insecurities, and her belief that she doesn’t have enough strength to do anything for herself. She makes references to being pulled to the Dark Ocean, mainly because – as she says – she doesn’t want to go there, but she doesn’t have enough strength or willpower to resist it. In fact, Best Partner 11 is full of a lot of angst; Gentle Rain is Hikari angsting about her own weakness and inability to do much for herself, Getting up is Tailmon angsting about her painful past and everything to do with it, and Shining Star is basically a plea for both of them to be able to do anything despite all the pain. It’s all pretty severely heavy content, despite the initial sparkly-looking sentiment of it all.
Considering the circumstances, it’s not really all that surprising. Hikari spent her time in Adventure and the first half of 02 very “emotionally isolated” from the others, to the point very few people could understand what she was thinking, and while she’d never hesitate to put herself out for other people, anything to do with herself, like getting pulled to the Dark Ocean, would result in resignation “it’s over” and “I can’t do anything about it”. Tailmon came from the background of being effectively raised by the abusive Vamdemon, so 02 was really only part of the earliest portion of her moving on with her life and being able to spend happier moments with Hikari. But, of course, the real turning point was 02 episode 31, when Miyako finally managed to break through to her and convince her to not accept the inevitability of things happening to herself, to accept help with the support of others, and to not take things happening to her as a sign she’s doomed.
So when we reach Hikari’s new solo song, Tomorrow’s Blue…
I want to chase after my dreams and hopes, it’s fine even if they’re incomplete I won’t lose, I won’t stop, I’ll do this to stay true to myself
The most striking thing about the song is that it features Hikari assertively talking about her own desires and feelings, when back in 02 she basically tried to kick them out of the picture for the sake of everyone else (and, really, even in Tailmon’s new solo song, Tender tale, she outright calls Hikari out for still prioritizing other people over herself). It’s not demeaning herself, it’s not resigning herself to anything, it may have a slight admission that she’s not super-confident about everything yet, but it’s still her looking forward and choosing to pursue what he wants. It’s a big deal!
And instead of the constant angst that permeated Best Partner 11, the new album is about Hikari and Tailmon talking about their feelings towards each other – something that neither of them really verbalized that well over either Adventure and 02 – and contextualizing their importance to each other over the course of their “story”. Hikari talks about Tailmon’s role of assertiveness in helping her break out of her shell, and Tailmon generally provides an extremely accurate description of Hikari in a nutshell – that she’s a bit mysterious, that she’s emotionally sensitive, that she’s cheerful and lifts others’ spirits. What’s more, Tailmon makes a reference to the same kind of “pain” and “losing things” she referred to in Getting up, but instead of angsting about it, she positively accepts it as something that may happen in the process of protecting others. (Oh, and it and the new duet A Tale of the Light also make reference to Hikari’s photography hobby in 02, contextualizing it as something Hikari did to chronicle their precious memories.)
So in summary, Hikari and Tailmon have both been able to accept 02′s philosophy of becoming forward-thinking, positive, and accepting the help of others in order to move forward. Not bad!
Conclusion and digression
Despite how these songs are almost polar opposite in portraying their before-and-after development of the 02 kids, nobody’s really argued that any of them are out of character! In the end, it’s a pretty succinct depiction of what these kids were dealing with and what they grew into by the end of the series. Seriously, I never, ever want to hear that these kids were underdeveloped nor that they didn’t go through any significant development over the course of 02 ever again. That’s just not true at all, and this simply happens to be one of the many illustrations of how.
Moreover, the songs themselves and the “conversations” that came with the new albums solidify firmly that the 02 group has extremely tight relations with their partners even at this time – with Daisuke actively consulting V-mon for help, Miyako, Takeru, and Hikari actively dragging their partners everywhere with them, Ken having Wormmon be his effective alarm clock, and Iori being so close with Armadimon that his Nagoya dialect is rubbing off on him. Daisuke, Miyako and Hikari have a huge point made that, regardless of the rather easygoing way they’re going at it, they’re very aware of what they want to do from this point out and are following it with gusto (and while it’s not stated in words, Iori carrying a huge textbook, presumably a law one, with note markers all over it drives the point home that this applies to him, too). It’s a really, really huge contrast to what was going on with the directionless Taichi, Yamato, and Sora effectively neglecting their own partners back in Kizuna – and further reinforces the reason the 02 group was in such an unusually favorable position during the movie.
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serene-victory-77 · 3 years
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Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic
There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.
I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books
I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”
It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.
But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):
On Inej
- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book
- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”
- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with
- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 
- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 
As for her being calm
- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?
- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.
- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?
- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that
- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.
On Inej’s abilities
- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 
- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 
- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker
- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 
So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in
Onto Kaz!
- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does
- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.
- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts
- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.
- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 
- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:
- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.
- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 
- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books
- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger
- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 
- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 
- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?
- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try
- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians
- I think he passes the realism check overall
For the other Crows:
- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 
- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).
- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up
- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun
- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point
- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still
- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).
- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do
- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities
Final Thoughts:
- They’re Traumatized Honors Students
- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other
- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.
- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.
- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.
- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially
- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 
- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 
- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence
- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic
In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.
TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.
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hephaestuscrew · 3 years
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Minkowski's Position as Commander: An Attempted Analysis
TLDR: Increasingly as the show progresses, Minkowski's role as Commanding Officer of the Hephaestus is not about the position given her by Goddard but is instead about a choice that she and her crew continually make.
At the start of the series, Minkowski very much believes that she derives her authority from the position given her by Goddard Futuristics. It's clear that this military chain of command is really important to her. For example, when Hilbert attempts to leave Minkowski to die in space, the main thing she says to try to persuade him to let her in is:
This is treason. This is a betrayal of your commanding officer.
[CONTINUED BELOW THE CUT]
It's quite revealing that Minkowski thinks that military protocol / her role as Commanding Officer provides the most powerful reason for Hilbert not to kill her, even though he has known her for nearly two years and they have generally been on quasi-friendly terms.
After Hilbert's Christmas mutiny (and to a certain extent even before that), the Hephaestus crew know that Command cannot be trusted. The authority that initially conferred a position of power onto Minkowski has lied to them all and is actively malicious. So past that point, Minkowski's status as Commander isn't really determined by the fact that Goddard Futuristics gave her that position, because the crew have no reason to obey Goddard anymore. The basis of her authority no longer comes from Goddard, but more from a kind of unspoken agreement that someone needs to be in charge and it ought to be her. As rebellious as Eiffel and Hera both are, neither of them actually question Minkowski's status as Commanding Officer. It's true that they often don't obey her orders, but when they go against what she's said, it is with a conscious sense that they are disobeying not just another crew member, but their commanding officer.
The next major wrench to be thrown at Minkowski's Commander status is the arrival of Lovelace, who is arguably more qualified to be Commander than Minkowski. Not only has Lovelace commanded the Hephaestus herself (and for a longer period of time than Minkowski has), her title of Captain outranks Minkowski's title of Lieutenant. In Lovelace and Minkowski's power struggle after Lovelace's arrival, they are both coming from a perspective of "I was here first". Lovelace commanded that ship first, but Minkowski commanded that crew first and that ultimately gives her more power. Minkowski remains the Commander of the Hephaestus because the crew know her and trust her.
Eventually Lovelace comes to trust Minkowski too and to view her as the rightful Commander of the Hephaestus. In S3 and S4, she often backs up Minkowski's authority and tells the others that they ought to follow Minkowski's orders.
When Kepler shows up, there's a new official Commanding Officer of the Hephaestus. The si-5 declare that Minkowski is stripped of the title of Commander. Of course, I couldn't write this post without mentioning this iconic exchange:
EIFFEL I'm glad to see you too, Commander.
MINKOWSKI You heard the new boss, you don't need to call me that anymore.
EIFFEL Uh, yeah, they can go screw themselves. The entire universe will freeze before you're not the Commander of the Hephaestus.
Minkowski is ready to accept that she's no longer the Commander, because a part of her still thinks leadership is determined by the official chain of command. But Eiffel doesn't accept that. And he's not the only one who still acknowledges Minkowski as leader despite the arrival of the SI-5. Although her programming prevents her from addressing Minkowski as Commander, Hera believes that:
Lieutenant Minkowski's still the one who gives the marching orders.
Throughout Season 3, there's the sense of a crew-within-a-crew on the Hephaestus. Sure, Kepler is officially the overall commanding officer, but to Eiffel, Hera, Lovelace and even Hilbert to a certain extent, Minkowski is their true leader. Even though Lovelace and Hilbert do go behind Minkowski's back, they still seem to have a sense that a mutiny ought to have her Say So.
Another interesting element is that, in the eyes of Command, Minkowski was never the highest ranking crew member on the Hephaestus. Kepler confirms this in Ep48 when he says that the "Highest ranking member of each crew was briefed on the possibility" of a Theta scenario and that for both Hephaestus missions that was Hilbert. To Goddard Futuristics, Minkowski was the Commander in name only.
The Hephaestus crew (by which I mean everyone except the si-5) treat leadership as something official and codified, but not as something conferred by external authority. They follow a policy where one person has to be clearly designated as the Commander, but where Goddard Futuristics does not determine who that person is. This approach is displayed in Ep47 when Minkowski asks Lovelace to take over command of the Hephaestus. Minkowski's status as Commander is proved to have been a choice, because she can also choose not to be Commander. This choice is a personal one. There's no military protocol involved, just a discussion between two friends and the handing over of a title.
It's also worth noting Lovelace's reluctance to take over the role of commanding officer and her insistence that this is a temporary arrangement. Her reaction demonstrates how much she has come to see Minkowski as the rightful Commander. S2 Lovelace would have responded very differently.
When Minkowski becomes Commander again in Ep53, she has another conversation which reveals a lot about her attitude towards leadership. I'm just going to put the whole long quote here because I think it's all very relevant to what I've been talking about:
MINKOWSKI It's just... there's been all these times when somebody put me in situation where I was "in charge," but I wasn't... in control. I can't think of a decision in my life that wasn't already determined by someone else. But... even then, there was always a choice. I always made it. Even when I didn't realize I was making it. So now... I think I need to make choices by myself. For myself.
LOVELACE Aaaaand does that mean you're perhaps ready to take command of a certain space station again?...
MINKOWSKI No. Because I've never been in command, I can't retake it. But, if you'll allow me, sir, I would be honored to relieve you of your duties, and assume command of the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station.
Lovelace SMILES, and salutes Minkowski.
LOVELACE About friggin' time, sir.
Here it's made explicit that the question of Minkowski's status as Commander is tied into themes of choice and responsibility and control over one's own life. Minkowski recognises that her starting the Hephaestus mission as Commander was a choice made for her by Goddard (this is especially true because Minkowski applied to be just a Navigations Officer, not a Commander). Her continuing to be Commander was a choice, but it didn't feel like one to her at the time. To some extent, it was a choice she made passively (although I think her crew actively chose to follow her).
This conversation shows how Minkowski's view of leadership has changed dramatically. At the beginning of the series, she probably would have said that Goddard's choice to designate her Commander was what made her a Commander. She probably would have said that was how leadership ought to be determined. But by Ep53, she no longer wants to be dependent on the decisions of others to decide her role. Being Commander is not only a choice, it is now a choice she makes consciously and independently. She doesn't really have any more control over their circumstances when she retakes command in Ep53 than she did before handing over command in Ep47. Nonetheless her decision to make active choices for herself is still a significant one, because it reflects a paradigm shift.
Of course, there is some cruel irony in the fact that very soon after this conversation Minkowski is put under Pryce's mind control. Sometimes the choice to take control of our lives is taken away. Notably though, Eiffel still calls her Commander when she's not even able to command her own actions. And when she does regain her autonomy, she automatically assumes command of a new crew-within-a-crew (Eiffel, Hera, Lovelace, and Jacobi).
Cutter recognises how important Minkowski's role as Commander is to her. In the finale, he tells her:
People cared about you because of what I made you: A soldier. A leader. A commander. I gave you that
But I would argue that this isn't true. Yes, it was Cutter who initially gave Minkowski the title of "Commander", but that was never what made her a leader. Goddard never saw Minkowski as a leader. They saw her as a tool. She became a leader in her own right because she strived to do the right thing for her crew and because her crew trusted her to lead them.
For a final example of how important Minkowski's role as Commander is to her, here's what she says to reintroduce herself to Eiffel after the memory wipe:
Hi. My name is Renée Minkowski. I'm the Commander of this space station.
At this point, Minkowski knows that the space station in question is not going to exist for much longer. She knows its been a long time since Goddard would have said she was the Commanding Officer of the Hephaestus in any sense. And yet, the second thing she wants Eiffel to know about her is that she is the Commander. She asks him to call her Renée, but she still wants him to view her as a commanding officer. This makes sense when we recognise that the trust of her crew - and of Eiffel in particular - has been the essential foundation of her status as Commander after the foundation from Goddard fell away.
Throughout the course of Wolf 359, with the various revelations about Command and with the arrivals of Lovelace, the si-5 and eventually Cutter & Co., the official reasons to classify Minkowski as the Hephaestus' commanding officer are eroded. But Minkowski still ends the show as a Commander. She's the one who decides whether they are going to stay and try to stop Cutter's plan (the others recognise that it's up to her even when they disagree with her initial decision to leave without trying to fight Cutter). Lovelace calls her Commander even after the Hephaestus is gone. Minkowski represents the ship when speaking to Earthspace ATC. And she's the one who finally brings the crew home.
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I suppose part of what’s bothering me about the response to Loki episode 4--the whole show so far, actually, but especially episode 4, and by extension why I’m worried about the final two episodes and the response to them--is that it’s kind of...making me doubt my own perceptions, or grasp of storytelling, or taste, or something.
and yeah, I’m sure some of that is just that I have some issues with having, knowing, and defending my own opinions about literally everything, which I’m fairly sure can be traced back to when I was a kid and I was taught by implication that having opinions or preferences usually equated being fussy/difficult/wrong. (I was the oldest daughter, I was way more conflict-averse than my sister, I often tried to do the peacemaker thing, I was raised evangelical and conservative, my dad is a lawyer with a lot of very strong opinions so he’s good at arguing them anyway, plus everything he believed was pretty much the foundation of my life for many years, it’s a whole mess of factors.) but it’s also...
I mean, I know taste is wildly subjective, and it’s totally possible for two people to come to a text in good faith and still develop very different interpretations, and of course people have different priorities and dealbreakers when it comes to fiction. but things like pacing or writing storytelling in general are a little more objective, right? whether you like a thing, or think it has more good parts than bad, isn’t really relevant to a discussion of whether it’s flawed in more technical ways (although of course the subjective aspects will influence how much importance and attention you assign to various technical aspects).
and, you know, I haven’t spent a lot time actually studying visual media in a non-fandom way, but I have a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree in English literature, I taught freshman English for two years as a TA while getting my MA, and I have years of actual professional experience in different kinds of editing. I have at least a halfway-decent idea how to analyze a text, in other words, both for thematic aspects and for more technical ones. I also like to think I’m not a bad writer, in both technical and more subjective ways.
so--I’ve mostly liked the Loki show thus far. some of that is intentional on my part, which I’m aware gives me a bias right off the bat; I’ve basically been determined to like it, so I’ve actively looked for things to like, focused on opinions from people who also found stuff to like, and sought out analysis or alternate takes for stuff I didn’t care for on first watch. but on a purely technical level, I’ve found the show to be...pretty good, in general? some moments of sloppy writing, certainly, especially within the larger context of the MCU, but the vast majority of it seems...pretty competent to me. and if we’re focusing on technical aspects, that’s not so much a matter of opinion--it’s a lot more possible to be just plain wrong, and evidently I can’t tell the difference. (as a side note, “it’s totally okay to like things that are objectively garbage! ☺️“ is, uh, nowhere near as validating/comforting/whatever as a lot of people seem to think it is.)
with episode 4, specifically, my general reaction was one of relief, because I saw in it some payoffs to at least one major thing that had been bothering me from the beginning (i.e., the perception of the TVA as The Good Guys) and something of a return to the more serious tone I preferred from the second half of episode 1. and maybe I just need to be following different people, but my response...doesn’t seem to have been the general fandom reaction at all. in fact, multiple people I followed recently for their takes on the show, people who posted almost entirely positive stuff about the first three episodes and sometimes even engaged in a bit of scolding others who were more critical, kind of hated it, to the point that their negative reaction to episode 4 seems to have colored their reactions to the show in general and now they’re primarily posting criticism too. (and no, their reactions had nothing to do with ship wars, at least in terms of massively preferring one ship over another.) I also follow people who liked episode 4, but for various reasons they haven’t posted about it anywhere near as much, so that doesn’t help much in terms of getting a balanced perspective. and it’s sort of just...messing with my head that there’s such a huge difference in reactions to this episode, in both technical and more subjective terms.
I don’t really have a conclusion for any of this, it’s just bothering me and I don’t really know what to do with it.
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kylorengarbagedump · 3 years
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Defy Your Authority: Chapter 2
Read on AO3. Part 1 here. Part 3 here.
Summary: So, like, what's the big deal, buddy?
Words: 3800
Warnings: None. Yet.
Characters: Kylo Ren x Reader
A/N: Hello!! Firstly, thank you so much to @bastila-ren​ and @elmidol​ for listening to me talk so much about this fic, for reading the first two chapters, and helping me with their generous feedback.
Secondly, I want to thank all of you for your EXTREMELY generous response to this fic. I admit I was very nervous to post this, and still am very nervous to write it, but I can't explain how helpful it is to know that people still enjoy the story and want to read more. It's definitely a story I want to write!
Y’all have truly been too kind to me. I don't have a posting schedule, just yet--I'm hoping every week or every other week. :) Love y'all SOOOOO MUCH.
Like the smarmy bastard he was, Hux fought off a smirk. But Allegiant General Pryde gazed at you with what some might refer to as sheer, indignant horror.
Kylo Ren stopped feet from the throne, his gaze wandering your grungy hair, dirtied uniform, the cell filth on your face.
“Hm,” he said. “That’s one way to greet your Supreme Leader.”
Embers tickled your cheeks. Your Supreme Leader.
You looked at the two other men. What was on your tongue: Would you prefer I get on my knees instead?
What you ended up saying: “Uh, sorry. Sir.”
“I believe the Supreme Leader requires an apology a little more comprehensive than uh, sorry.”  Pryde stepped forward, as if to explain. “Sir, this woman was brought aboard by General Hux without prior approval.”
Kylo glanced between the older men, stare drifting to you, the darkness in his eyes reviving an animal within you that had been placed on life support. 
“Yes,” he replied. “I don’t recall providing authorization for this.”
“Supreme Leader,” Hux said, “we both know your TIE has been out of commission for several cycles. I thought it prudent to--”
“You thought it prudent to ask a manager of a remote outpost to come aboard the flagship of the First Order. I assume that’s what you’re about to say.” Pryde paused, waiting for Hux’s contrition--but none came. He turned to Kylo. “Sir, again, please forgive me. Had I known he’d be bringing aboard a rim-dweller who would defy your authority, I would’ve denied his request, entirely.”
“Defiance.” Kylo’s gaze drilled you. Much like you had dreamt of something else of his drilling you. “I hadn’t noticed.”
Pryde balked. “Well, I hardly find it appropriate to address the Supreme Leader of the First Order as dude, for starters.” He spat the word onto the floor like poison. “Really, General, you and her both should be begging for his pardon.”
You swallowed, attention on Kylo, trying to hide your glee. “Please, please forgive me,” you murmured. “Supreme Leader.”
Hux cleared his throat. “My apologies as well, sir.”
“Hm.” If he’d understood your tease, he didn’t acknowledge it. You frowned. Kylo looked to the cloaked mercenaries behind you. “Escort her back to Orinda.”
Disbelief smacked you across the face. “I’m sorry, what?”
Sputtering, Hux stepped forward. “Supreme Leader--”
“You don’t belong on this vessel,” Kylo said, glimpsing you, then the cloaked figures again. “Report is postponed. Prepare the Buzzard for departure.” 
Like droids, they activated and brushed past you, stalking toward the turbolift. The Supreme Dickhead gazed at you expectantly.
“They’re not patient.”
You shook your head, crossing your arms. “If you think I’m leaving--”
“Supreme Leader,” Hux said again. For once, you felt like both of you were stuck in the same flabbergasted pod. “Repairing your fighter has already wasted the time of numerous engineers, we don’t need to add--”
“Perhaps every engineer aboard deserves to have their time equally wasted, General.”
Hux’s jaw tensed. “If you wish, sir,” he replied. “But we could resolve the issue now.”
“We won’t.”
For whatever reason, Kylo Ren seemed dedicated to preventing you from working on this ship, as if he didn’t know your skill level. As if he believed other engineers deserved a shot at it over you. Ignoring the furious trembling of your fingers, you dug them into your sleeves. 
“What, you don’t think I’m capable?” you asked, frowning.
Pryde sighed. “Supreme Leader, the Council--”
Kylo pivoted to you. “No.” There was no hint of mockery or deception in his tone. “You’re capable.”
You swallowed, shrugged your shoulder. Tried not to sound hurt. “Then why won’t you let me try?”
Hazel eyes lingered, held you in silence for deafening seconds. There was something very, very tired inside of them. 
“Sir,” Pryde said, “as much as I love the rousing debate over whether or not this rimrat should be deemed worthy of working on your starfighter, the Supreme Council meeting is in minutes.” He turned to you. “I believe you’ve been directed to leave.”
You furrowed your brow, but miraculously managed to say nothing. The muscle under Kylo’s nose twitched. 
“You’ll get two hours.” He didn’t seem excited about the idea. “After that, you will return to Orinda.”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever,” you sighed. “Sir.”
A huff escaped him. “The Supreme Council meeting.” He turned, strode to the exit. “Come.”
Pryde frowned. “Sir, shouldn’t Hux return her to the hangar?”
“No.” Kylo’s voice ricocheted in the chamber. “She’s coming.”
Something like joy sparkled in your heart. Hux jutted out his chin, smirking at Pryde, who frowned and looked to you. You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out at him. There was a puzzle in his mind regarding your identity, a puzzle he was struggling to put together without the missing pieces. You weren’t interested in offering them. 
The three of you followed Kylo into the turbolift. Out of irritation, you stood as far away from him as possible. Awkward quiet settled in the air, and you grit your teeth, ignoring the sting of humiliation at your cheeks. Sure, it was nice he was inviting you to his little meeting, but that hardly compensated for the fact that it had been four entire months since you’d seen him and he was intent on booting you without so much as a parting fuck. 
Not that you wanted to fuck him after that stunt. 
Mostly.
The lift descended. Kylo hadn’t even looked at you, despite your best attempts at petty distancing. Hundreds of words hung on your tongue, and so few of them were appropriate for the ears of Hux and Pryde. Luckily for you, you could think them, instead.
Jackass.
The blast door slid open, and Kylo exited without response, the two generals on his heels. You lagged behind them, glare boring into the broad-shouldered bastard with the flowing cape.
Can’t believe this asshole was here the entire time, knowing everything, with all of the power in the galaxy, just doing bantha-shit about it.
Stormtroopers passed in formation, nodding in deference to the men in front of you as you turned a corner. The clomping of boots was the only sound for meters.
Leaving you for four months, horny as hell, lonely as hell, all while he was here doing what? Jerking off? As if he hadn’t begged you to stay. Please.
At the end of the hall, a set of blast doors parted, and you trailed the group inside, greeted by a massive, jet-black table with a hologram projector buried in the center. The occupants of about a dozen chairs turned, their eyes stuck to you, assessing you. Kylo crossed to the head of the table, Hux and Pryde taking spaces near him. The only open seats were at the back, relegated for only the most irrelevant attendees. You slunk over to one, sinking into it.
Apparently you’re not relevant to anyone in this room, anyway.
“Who’s this?” A balding officer of high-rank stared at you. “Supreme Leader?”
Pryde leaned forward. “She’s the Chief--”
“Who she is,” Kylo drawled, “is none of your concern.” 
Blood heated your face. The room rumbled with uncertainty, but only for seconds. 
“Sir,” said an older woman with slick blonde hair, “Multiple locations on Kamino refused entry to officers seeking out junior recruits. Our entry-level ranks are suffering. Requesting additional--”
Kylo glanced at her. “Yes.”
She nodded. “Thank you, sir.”
“Supreme Leader,” said an older, white-haired man. “Surveillance indicates that a fuel depot located in the Inner Rim has received communications from Resistance starships.”
“Have they responded?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Eliminate them.”
“Yes, sir.”
Another, dark-skinned woman inched to the edge of her seat. “Supreme Leader, ground troops found no evidence of Resistance sympathizers on the most recent patrol of Aeos Prime.”
“And the infrastructure.”
“Seems salvageable, sir.”
Kylo blinked, as if the answer hadn’t even mattered. “Move to the next outpost in the system.”
“Of course, Supreme Leader.”
Yet another man cleared his throat. “Supreme Leader, if I may…”
Swallowing, you stared into the gleaming tabletop, tracing the rivets of white light bordering the projector. Voices rose, offering status updates and seeking approval of the man at the head of the room. Obviously, there was nothing attractive about how competent and powerful Kylo Ren appeared in this setting. And this definitely did not tingle pride in your belly watching every single person in this room vie for his favor, knowing that out of all of them, the one he’d fucked was you.
Then again, maybe that was the very crux of the issue. His time and attention was desired and demanded and split between thousands--he directed and delegated an entire, galaxy-wide government. He commanded armies. Strategized operations. Balanced every need, tangible and intangible, with only two hands.
You spent your days bathing in ion dust.
The Allegiant Asshole cleared his throat, breaking you from your pity party. “General Hux,” he said, “didn’t you have your pet project to present?”
All eyes turned to Hux, his face dull with irritation. Lips pursing, he straightened his spine, fingers whizzing over the data screen at his seat. One swipe, a quick field entry, and the projector hummed to life, shooting a blue hologram of a TIE fighter above the table. It flickered, rotating like a display.
“The First Order has regularly demonstrated deficient performance during naval engagements, despite our superior numbers and resources,” Hux said. “After gathering data, we discovered that during our most recent missions, the TIE fighter is regularly out-piloted by Resistance sympathizers.” He tapped the screen, and the hologram split into a cross-section. “Thorough research indicates the TIE model is obsolete.”
The room crackled with whispers, officers turning to each other and looking to Hux, their faces twisted in disbelief. Kylo Ren sat, saying nothing, trained on the display. 
Sighing, you gazed at your hands and cleaned your nails. To you, this was obvious. Of course the basic TIE models--the TIE/fo models--were obsolete. The ships were highly inflexible, carried little firepower for their unwieldy construction, and had no hyperdrive application. In comparison to the model used by the Special Forces, the TIE/fo was practically useless. 
It was less obvious why these high-ranking strangers seemed unable to handle the truth.
“General,” said a dark-skinned man. “Are you proposing we abandon the TIE corps?”
Hux pressed the screen again, and it zoomed in on an exposed ion engine. “At the very least, the most basic TIE corps is woefully unequipped in comparison to Resistance fighters.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he replied, “our pilots are extensively trained.”
Pryde sneered. “Admiral Griss is correct,” he said. “Our elite troops don’t demonstrate any issue with crushing Resistance burrows.”
“Elite troops are never the ones defending a new occupation.” Hux gestured to the engine blueprint. “We sacrifice our progress because of this antiquated construction.”
“And what’s so antiquated about it?” Pryde sneered. “The construction is based on the Imperial TIE. These ships were a well-known symbol of naval superiority.”
“Updated for modern needs,” added Griss. 
Hux’s voice rose a decibel. “Not modern enough, given how frequently a single X-wing will decimate an entire unit.”
You wanted to groan. Against your will, you had to admit Hux was right. Orinda regularly saw straggling, crippled TIEs smash into the valley outside the hangar in attempts to land for repair. Mirna had pulled more pilots than you could count out of blazing wreckage.
“Do you suggest we change the basic TIE unit, then?” Griss asked.
“Perhaps,” Hux replied, “or we move to a different construction entirely.”
The other officers chuckled, murmurs rippling through the ranks again. 
“Supreme Leader,” Pryde said, “what he’s suggesting is absurd. Sienar-Jaemus manufactures perfectly appropriate and functional fighters at an affordable price to the First Order. It’s been done this way since the Empire.”
Rolling your eyes, you sat back in your chair. For a General of a government allegedly interested in innovation and progress, Pryde seemed to love sucking the Empire’s dick. The fact that they were refusing to even entertain Hux’s idea was, well…
“Perhaps we should place a double order for the basic fighters, sir,” Pryde continued. “To demonstrate their capability.”
You snorted. “Now that’s absurd.”
Every voice in the room died. Leather squelched, and you glanced up from your nails in time to see a dozen bodies shifting in their seats to turn and look at you. Inwardly, you cursed--you hadn’t had to practice volume control in months. 
At the head of the table, Kylo Ren stared. His expression, even to you, was indiscernible. But even if he was mad, you wouldn’t have cared. Not as long as he still intended on kicking you off the Steadfast without another word.
Shrugging, you said, “General Hux is right. The original TIE model is flawed. They lose out one-on-one almost every time.” Kylo still said nothing, the rest of the room too confused to interrupt you. “I guarantee there’s more credits spent on replacement models than it would cost to invest in something more versatile.”
Griss’s nose wrinkled, and he looked between you and Kylo. “I…” When Kylo offered no response, Griss settled on you. “I’m not sure what brought you here, ah… Lieutenant, but regardless of your purpose, you’re surrounded by superiors of the First Order. Don’t speak out of turn.”
“Right,” you said, “I do apologize, sir.  But you have to admit that this all is a little absurd. I see busted up basic TIEs all the time. They’re a failure.”
“Yes,” he replied, “and you are?”
“Chief of Operations on Orinda.”
“An outpost?” The room echoed with laughter, and you bristled. Griss gestured to you. “Supreme Leader, please, why is this woman here?”
Pryde nodded. “I know you have your reasons, sir, but surely she doesn’t belong in this room.”
“Maybe this woman knows what she’s talking about,” you mumbled.
“Excuse me?” Griss whipped around, leering at you. “Mind repeating yourself, Lieutenant?”
Volume control. Really needed to get better with that. 
Gathering a breath, you swallowed your ire. You could not spend all two hours on the Steadfast immediately making enemies with the military leaders of the First Order. Given Kylo’s state, you doubted he’d encourage your attitude. 
“My apologies,” you said, bowing your head, “I’m just. Nervous. Being on this ship for the first time.”
“Perhaps you’ve spent too much time on Orinda,” said Griss. “You’ve forgotten the hierarchy.”
“She needs re-education,” said the balding man.
The dark-skinned woman huffed. “Or a demotion.”
“Some form of discipline, surely.”
“Yes,” said Pryde with a glare. “Perhaps that should be arranged.”
Your heart skipped.
“Enough.”
Every person in the room spun, attention on Kylo Ren.
He was still inscrutable. Still gazing directly at you. 
A shiver spilled over your spine. Like instinct, your thighs pressed together. 
“General Hux,” he said. “Prepare a plan for the replacement of the basic TIE model.” A pause. No one spoke a word. “Dismissed.”
You remained in your seat as the other officers rose, their lips sealed as they filed out of the room. Hux scowled at you--ungrateful prick--and acknowledged Kylo’s order before leaving. Pryde scrutinized you, his focus flipping between you and his Supreme Leader as he stood from the table. 
“It’s time to leave, Lieutenant,” he said.
“I need a moment,” you replied, glancing at him. “Sir.”
Pryde turned to Kylo. “Sir?”
Kylo’s face was blank. “Dismissed, General.”
Whatever Pryde was thinking, he didn’t say. He offered deference to the Supreme Leader before strutting out, the blast door shutting behind him.
The moment it closed, the room thickened with heat, like stars vaporized the air. Sweat beaded your hairline, your tongue drying to paper. Every movement you thought to make was paused, paralyzed by confusion. Had it been four months ago, you’d be getting railed on top of the table or in his chair, you were sure of it. But Kylo seemed almost indifferent now. It neutered every response that came to mind.
Here you were, alone with Kylo Ren for the first time since you’d left. He was only meters away from you. And you had absolutely no idea what to do.
“Your time is limited, Lieutenant.”
A reminder he wanted you gone. You shook your head, chewing the inside of your lip. 
“The silencer is free to be inspected.”
Indignance tightened your chest. Your face was on fire.
“Or perhaps,” Kylo said, “you’d rather travel directly to Orinda.”
You whirled on him. “So you knew I was on Orinda the entire time?” Your frustration was unfettered. “You knew and just didn’t do anything about it? For four months?”
His stare didn’t yield. “Yes.”
“Yes?” you said. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say for yourself? How do you expect me to respond to that?” More heat gripped your neck. He was still. “Why do you want me gone so badly? You act like you don’t even want me around.”
“I don’t.”
The words were switchblades to your chest. You shook your head, gulped your pain.
“Uh. Okay. Wow.” Sighing, you continued, “But don’t you--I mean. You pleaded with me to stay.”
He said nothing.
“You... I know how you feel. You can’t hide that from me. Do you…” Your throat was tight. “Did something change?”
For four months, you had wondered what had been going on in Kylo Ren’s mind. Seeing him draped in the responsibility of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, hesitation crept into your gut. Within his gaze, perhaps only apparent to you, there was a black, terrible emptiness, like shadows reined in by his rage. Exhaustion hung in dark circles under his eyes and at his cheeks. His presence was as breathtaking as it ever had been, only haunted with the weight of the galaxy. 
For four months, you had wondered. You didn’t know, now, if you wanted the answer.
“You don’t belong here.” Kylo paused, then stood, moving toward the door. “Your presence is not warranted.”
“Warranted? That’s not what this is about.” You shot to your feet, intercepting his path. “You knew where I was, and you never once came to me! You left me there! Alone!” He side-stepped you, and you followed him, keeping your eyes chained to his. “Didn’t you miss me?” you asked. “Didn’t you think about me?”
He stalled. Exhaling through his nose, he spoke through his teeth. “Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you find me?” you said. “You promised!” 
Kylo stood, trapped in your stare, his fingers furling into fists.
“I know how you feel about me.” You advanced on him. “I know it.” 
You were so near you could feel his breath, count the individual strands of his hair, bask in the warmth of his body. A short inhale, and memory slammed you like gravity--the scent of his skin, his palms gripping your waist, his lips brushing your ear. The ache in your hands at night when they were not full of him, the bedtime yearning in your limbs when they were not wound around his. You had known him, known him, as if his blood ran in your veins.  
This was the closest you’d been to Kylo Ren in weeks upon weeks. Somehow, you only felt further away.
“Why?” you asked. “Why didn’t you find me?” After all of it, he only stared. It lit you with rage, and you bumped your chest with his. “Say something!”
The muscle in his jaw tightened. His shoulders rolled. But he was silent. 
A peal of bitter laughter escaped you. Whatever issues he had didn’t mater. You deserved more than what he was offering.
“Wow. Okay.” You shrugged, stepping back. “I don’t know who I was thinking about for these past four months, but it definitely wasn’t you.” Shaking your head, you turned toward the door. “Whatever, dude. Fuck you.”
You took a single step, and Kylo snatched your wrist, whipped you against his body. 
“You say that,” he breathed, “as if you haven’t been thinking about getting fucked since you arrived.”
Oxygen fled your lungs. Every blood cell in your body piled onto your cheeks and between your legs. In seconds, you were a throbbing, pent-up, swell of lust. 
You swallowed. “Oh, please,” you muttered. “You can’t distract me that easily. You know I need answers.”
“Hm.” Kylo scanned your figure. “So you say.”
“You’re such an asshole.” You tried to peel your wrist free. “Why didn’t you do this weeks ago, huh?”
His face darkened, his hold on you tightened. 
“You ask questions that have no answers.”
“Ugh. Get off.” Grunting, you shouldered him, body buffeting his like a flaccid wave. It would’ve been arousing, his strength, how utterly solid he was, if he wasn’t making you miserable in this moment. “You’re so full of it, man. Let me go. I’ll go repair your dumbass ship and you can send me back to Orinda, like you so clearly want.”
“You presume to understand what I want.” His voice was severe, a dull blade. “You will not stay here.” The ghost of a smirk fled his face. “But you won’t escape punishment when you’re gone.”
You shuddered, stuck out your chin. “Your punishments don’t scare me.”
Kylo growled. “Really.” A leather palm cupped the back of your neck, tugged you close. “Such confidence.”
You couldn’t help it. A tiny, excited whimper left you. Kylo shifted, his hand squeezed--
The projector in the table beeped. An incoming transmission. The both of you froze, staring at the blinking request on the interface.  You coughed, patted his chest as a signal to answer it. The knot in his throat bobbed, and he released you, crossing to the console and accepting the message.
Hux appeared in hologram form. “Supreme Leader,” he said, voice even more snivelly through the broadcast. “We received a distress signal from Orinda. Multiple Resistance fighters have been detected on radar. Requests for response from the officers stationed there have gone unanswered.”
The joints in your body locked. Your mouth opened, but nothing came out.
“Permission to dispatch TIE units, sir,” Hux said.
Kylo was still. “Dispatch.”
“Yes, sir.”
The hologram winked out. Before you could process, your feet were moving you toward the door.
“I gotta go.” Your pulse pounded in your temple. The entirety of your crew was down there. By themselves. “I gotta go there. I gotta get there. I’m sorry, I know I said I would repair your ship but--”
“Stop.” 
“--it’s probably for the best anyway, I just gotta find some way there, I--”
He spoke your name like a command. You stopped. Stared into his tired, empty eyes. 
His chest fell in a small sigh. “We’ll take the Buzzard,” he said. “Come.”
Kylo Ren tread past you, through the blast doors, into the hallway. The tatters of your bewildered heart weren’t a priority right now. You followed him--your Supreme Leader.
191 notes · View notes
averykedavra · 3 years
Note
91. “i’m not kissing you in the rain, we’ll catch our deaths!” with logince, if you’d like?
(A classic! I wrote a version of this here with loroyality, if you’d like to read that, too!)
Words: 3367
Roman knew that real-life romance wasn’t exactly like it was in the movies.
For one thing, kissing sleeping princesses was frowned upon, for obvious reasons. For another, dragons did not usually frequent college campuses. There was also a distinct lack of princes, although there was a tower for the astronomy classes, which could perhaps serve as a prison.
In general, it was highly disappointing.
Still, Roman tried to make the most of it. Some romantic tropes could still be employed--flowers, for instance, or surprise dates, or fountains.
The campus even had a lucky fountain! Toss a penny in at the beginning of the year, and you’d get straight As. Roman had done so, of course. It hadn’t worked. Maybe the luck came on a delayed schedule. Roman still believed.
Roman believed in a lot of things--lucky fountains, fairies, and a Disney-style romance. Just because they hadn’t worked didn’t mean they wouldn’t work! He just had to do them right.
The first two were difficult to tackle during a semester of classes, but the third was attainable.
Especially when his science partner was so cute.
Logan apparently liked science class, which made him a nerd, but Roman could forgive that. It had made their science labs far easier. And it was eclipsed by his cuteness, in a way that somehow made the nerdiness also cute. That was a powerful skill indeed, and one that Logan deployed without thought. Whenever he wrinkled his nose or rolled his eyes or slid into a tangent about physics, Roman found himself in a bubble of happiness.
In a movie, there would be actual bubbles, or maybe flowers. Or maybe just a glow. Things still glowed when Logan was nearby, but Roman was pretty sure that was all in his imagination. He sent a picture of Logan to Virgil, in order to check. You’re in deep, was all that Virgil texted back.
And yes! Yes, Roman was in deep, and he was not ashamed! He was in love. Well, like--he couldn’t quite be in love at first sight, or even fifth study session, because that wasn’t how real life worked. He liked Logan, though. A lot. He wanted to kiss him on the cheek and listen to him talk about space.
It was hard to tell if Logan liked him back. Real life, unfortunately, held the large possibility that Logan did not. But Roman used his incredible observation skills, and by the third time Logan flushed when they bumped shoulders, he was pretty sure.
Logan liked him. Roman liked Logan, too.
Simple--this was the ‘ride into the sunset’ part of things. Except that involved one of them telling the other, and Roman could just say he liked Logan, but that wasn’t what he was supposed to do! He was supposed to woo him! That was how love worked.
So Roman tried to woo his lab partner.
And it went, well, not as poorly as it could have. Logan didn’t do anything extreme, like throw up or declare Roman a fiend. He just--ignored it. He ignored every single flirtatious line Roman threw at him.
At first, Roman could reasonably believe he hadn’t noticed--Logan was a bit naive in social situations, which was incredibly endearing--but he slowly began to doubt that. After he sent Logan flowers and Logan didn’t touch them, Roman gave in. Logan must have noticed. He just didn’t seem to care.
Which didn’t match up with anything. Logan had been interested in him--Roman knew it, and all their friends agreed. So if he was interested, he should be enjoying this!
That was how it worked!
And yes, dragons weren’t real, and yes, lucky fountains didn’t work, but something had to be true. It was called true love for a reason. Roman was supposed to sweep Logan off his feet, kiss him, and like it. That was how the story went.
Yet Logan stubbornly refused to play along.
Roman worked through his entire list of pickup lines. He spent half their study sessions inching his way closer before touching Logan’s hand, and feeling Logan pull away. He bought cookies, was curtly handed back the cookies, and was forced to eat the cookies by himself in his dorm room.
And he’d stop if Logan said no. If Logan clearly said he wasn’t interested--because he could reasonably have changed his mind--or that he didn’t want Roman to do this. But he never said anything. He just acted like it never happened.
Maybe that was a no. Maybe Roman was just not taking the hint. He definitely didn’t want to make his friend uncomfortable, but he couldn’t believe this was it, that he was stuck loveless and embarrassed and barely following along with science class.
He gave himself one more day. One last study session of attempting to drop hints, and if Logan let them fall like lead balloons, he’d cut it out.
“Your shirt looks really cute on you!” Roman said.
Logan hummed and turned a page.
“Oh, that’s how it works?” Roman grinned. “I get it now! You’re so smart.”
“Thank you,” Logan said. “It wasn’t that hard.”
“Cute, smart, and humble. Triple threat!”
Logan shrugged a bit and returned to the worksheet.
“Aw, I don’t want this to be over,” Roman said as the sky darkened. “Do you want to meet up again soon?”
“We have class together next week,” Logan pointed out.
“No, like--on our own.” Roman held out a hand. “Like a date.”
Logan looked at his hand, back up, and closed his notes. “I should get going, I think it’s going to rain.”
Roman’s stomach sank as he watched Logan stand and gather his things. Eventually, he put his own books away. The library was quiet as he followed Logan to the door. He couldn’t find the courage to make conversation.
Logan pulled open the door and peered out. “It’s already drizzling.”
“I have an umbrella?” Roman suggested, pulling out his umbrella. “If you don’t have one, I can walk you to where you need to go?”
“Oh!” Logan smiled at him. “Thank you, Roman, I’d appreciate that.”
And see, this was what messed with Roman! Logan didn’t seem bothered by the flirting, as he still treated Roman normally, so was he mad or was he uncomfortable or was he oblivious or was he--
Roman opened the umbrella, held it over Logan’s head, and gestured to the door.
“A rainbow umbrella,” Logan said. “Of course.”
“I’m gay! I have to show it!” Roman winked at Logan. “Now, come on, Specs, where are you headed?”
“My dorm building,” Logan said, as they carefully stepped outside. Roman held the umbrella above both of them, his arm around Logan’s shoulders. Logan didn’t seem to mind. “Are you sure the umbrella will fit both of us?”
“It seems to work!” Roman shuffled forward, and Logan followed. “It’s like those three-legged races, we just have to step in unison.”
Logan nodded and watched Roman’s feet, his nose wrinkling adorably, like it always did when he focused. “Step now?”
“Step now!” Roman grinned. “Step, step, step in time, step in time--”
“No Mary Poppins.”
“But Julie Andrews!”
Logan huffed, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I’m not going to sing it with you, I hope you know that.”
“Good enough for me!” Roman declared. “Step in time, step in time, never need a reason, never need a rhyme.”
The rain was already falling faster. They walked in awkward unison down the sidewalk, past the parking lot, and towards the dorm buildings. They sat like brick lumps on the other side of the quad. All the grass was already muddy, and nobody was around, except for a few freshmen running to the Humanities building with coats over their heads.
“I should have brought my umbrella,” Logan complained as the rain increased. “The water is dripping down my neck.”
“Oh, it is?” Roman shifted his arm. “Does that work better?”
“For me, yes.” Logan looked up at him. “I think the water is now dripping down your neck.”
“I don’t mind,” Roman lied, ignoring the sensation of cold water in his collar.
“Here, let me adjust it.” Logan stopped walking and reached for the umbrella handle. “If we both stand under the dome, we won’t get wet.”
Roman laughed. “Is there an equation for that?”
“I’m hardly going to etch it into the grass, am I?” Logan moved forward and pulled the umbrella off-center. “No, that’s worse. Stay still--”
Roman had no trouble with staying still, because he had just realized he was inches from Logan, one arm around his shoulders. He could lean forward and hug him, or tap his nose, or--kiss him. Yeah. That was what people did when they were close to people they liked.
The rain drummed on the umbrella as Logan adjusted it, fully focused. Kissing in the rain. That was definitely what people did. A romantic gesture.
Roman took a deep breath.
“Logan?” he asked.
Logan’s hands stilled on the umbrella handle. “Yes?”
“I--” Roman laughed a bit. “Your hair is damp.”
“Oh.” Logan batted at it, and only managed to flatten it further out of position. “That’s disappointing.”
“It looks cute,” Roman said.
And Logan flushed, just a bit.
That was enough of a go-ahead.
“You know what people do in the rain,” Roman said. He tried to sound a bit joking, but not too joking, and ended up squarely in awkward.
“I do?”
“Uh.” Roman steeled his nerves. “They kiss. It’s romantic.”
Logan blinked at him. “Oh. How is that relevant--”
Roman made a small, meaningless hand motion.
Logan’s mouth formed a small o.
For a second, it was quiet, the rain drumming on the umbrella.
“I mean,” Roman said, deciding to dig his hole deeper and bury himself, “most people do it in the rain. Like, all wet. There aren’t usually umbrellas involved.”
Logan looked affronted. “I’m not kissing you in the rain! We’ll catch our death!”
“We’ll just get a bit damp.”
“Absolutely not,” Logan said firmly. “I am not going out from under this umbrella, and I am not kissing you in the rain.”
“Okay, fine,” Roman said, cursing every word that left his mouth. “But what’s the verdict on kissing in general?”
Logan blinked again. Roman wondered if he’d attempt to ignore the situation again, or steal his umbrella and run. He hoped not. He liked this umbrella.
“I...” Logan let out a long breath. “I am not kissing you. Rain or otherwise.”
“Oh,” Roman said.
“I’m sorry,” Logan added quickly, and he did look sorry. “I hoped you would leave it alone, but it seems really important to you, and I’m sorry. I’m just not--interested.”
“In...me?” Roman swallowed. He was not going to cry. “You’re not interested in me.”
“No--” Logan started. “I mean, yes, but--” He stopped, looking frustrated. “I’m not interested in that. Kissing. Or rain. Or--romantic things like that.”
Roman’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that turn of events. “You aren’t?”
Logan shook his head. “I’m aromantic. I’m not interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. Well, actually, some aromantic people do pursue romantic relationships. More accurately, I don’t experience romantic attraction.”
“You can do that?”
Logan raised an eyebrow and gave Roman a look that told him he was on extremely thin ice. “Yes.”
“I mean, that’s really cool!” Roman said quickly. “And makes a lot of sense. I just didn’t realize that was a thing.”
“Yes, it’s a ‘thing,’” Logan said. “You can doubtless find more online.”
“Huh,” Roman said. Things began to make a bit more sense. “Oh, gosh, I’m incredibly sorry for flirting with you! I didn’t realize--”
“It’s fine.” Logan paused and coughed a bit into his hand. “I-didn’t-mind-that-much.”
“What?”
“I--” Logan looked embarrassed. “I didn’t mind. It was...nice.”
“Really?” Roman asked. “But you said you didn’t like romantic stuff--”
“You were only complimenting me!” Logan said. “You said I was--cute. I enjoyed it. I only ignored it because I knew you meant it in a romantic sense, and I didn’t want to lead you on.”
Roman stared at him. Now things made more and less sense. “You didn’t mind it when I called you cute, though?”
Logan stared at his feet. The rain drummed around them.
“You hadn’t heard of aromantic,” Logan finally said, “so I doubt you’ve heard of this, either. But--the word is queerplatonic. And it’s, um--” Logan waved a hand. He was definitely blushing. It was completely adorable. “Even though some aromantic people don’t experience romantic attraction, they still have queerplatonic partners. For me, it’s like--I don’t want to kiss anyone, or do many traditionally romantic things, but--”
Roman nodded, making a mental note to do a lot of research. And also to hug Logan, when they were less wet, because he’d just fully comprehended that Logan had come out. That took bravery! And Roman was a bit honored that Logan trusted him enough to share.
“But I still like people,” Logan said. “In a--non-platonic way. I want to spend time with them, hold hands...” His voice trailed off. “Call them cute,” he finally said, barely loud enough for Roman to hear.
“Oh,” Roman said, again, because he didn’t have anything else to say.
“And I like you.” Logan looked up at him. “I do, Roman, a lot. Just--not in the way you were hoping. I don’t mind kisses on the cheek, but I’m never going to kiss you in the rain, and I would never be a romantic partner.”
The rain was still steady. Roman was pretty sure his arm was outside the umbrella, since it was getting drenched, but he didn’t care.
“So I apologize,” Logan said. “For that, and for all the miscommunication, because I should have told you instead of--letting it happen.”
Letting it happen. Because Logan liked it, he appreciated it, he might have even become flustered--Roman called him cute, and Logan liked it.
And Roman should have been heartbroken, or at least disappointed. His crush didn’t reciprocate his feelings! Roman liked Logan romantically, and Logan didn’t return that. No romantic flowers or lucky fountains or kisses in the rain. Just another thing that real life lacked.
The rain soaked slowly through Roman’s sleeve. Logan was probably right, anyway. Kissing in the rain would be cold and not fun at all. Roman couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to--
Wait.
Was the rain the issue? Or was it something else?
Roman stared at Logan. His lab partner. Logan was cute and adorable and smart and incredibly sweet, and Roman liked him a lot, and Roman wanted to--
Roman wanted to what?
Kiss him on the cheek. Hold his hand. Watch him ramble. Compliment him and see him blush. Maybe spend time together at coffee shops, or get him a present for his birthday, or even live together at some point--be together.
And that was all romantic. Obviously.
Wasn’t it?
Roman mentally ran through all his daydreams about Logan. Lots of hand holding. Leaning his shoulder into Logan’s. Hugging, or cuddling, or dropping a kiss on the top of his head.
Nowhere on that list was a kiss on the lips. Or a romantic date. Spending time together, sure, but it was different, it was--
Oh.
Huh.
“Aromantic,” Roman blurted out. “That was the word, right?”
“Um--” Logan looked a bit surprised. Roman realized he must have been standing there for several minutes, completely silent. “Yes.”
“So it’s people that don’t experience romantic attraction,” Roman continued. “Do--is it possible for them to kind of want romance anyway? Or think they do?”
“I don’t,” Logan said, “if that’s what you’re asking--”
“No, I’m--” Roman blew out a breath. “I’m trying to figure something out.”
Logan watched him carefully, but nodded. “Yes, some people enjoy romantic activities while not experiencing romantic attraction. Or their romantic attraction may be partial or fluctuate--it’s a spectrum--or they could simply believe they need to do traditionally romantic things, because of society’s focus on romantic love.”
Roman nodded very rapidly. "Cool. So cool. Cool-cool-cool.”
“Are you...” Logan looked confused. “Alright?”
“Yes? Maybe?” Roman laughed a bit wildly. “I am really not sure. Can you give me a second?”
“Okay?”
“Okay.” Roman took a deep breath. Logan was still watching him, glasses flecked with drops of rain. Logan was a good friend. They’d be friends no matter what, and that wasn’t less than anything. Roman could happily love him as a friend.
Friends didn’t daydream about making each other smile.
Friends didn’t want to kiss each other--on the cheek, on the nose, in rain or not. And--and not on the lips. Not really at all.
Roman knew how love worked. He’d seen the movies. Fall in love, kiss, get married, ride into the sunset. That was how everyone did it. That was what he was supposed to want.
But movies also had dragons and lucky fountains and princes. None of those things were quite the same in real life. In real life, kisses in the rain were just soggy and cold and entirely un-romantic.
In real life, Roman didn’t want to kiss someone in the rain.
Or someone outside of it, either.
True love. Roman always knew what true love looked like. But maybe he didn’t understand love as well as he thought.
Maybe things worked a little bit differently in real life.
And maybe--that was okay.
“Uh,” Roman said eloquently. “You were saying something about--queerplatonic?”
“Yes?” Logan asked. “Why?”
“Uh,” Roman said again. “So, like--partners. Together. But not, like, dating.”
“Yes.” Logan’s expression tightened. “Roman, you don’t have to--if that’s not what you’d like, it wouldn’t work--”
“It is, though.” It felt like a dragon-sized weight had flown off his shoulders. “It is--I don’t think I ever wanted that stuff, everyone just told me I did, and I--I just kinda want to be with you. I don’t know if that makes me aromantic or what, and I can probably figure that part out at some point, but--yeah. I...like calling you cute, because you are. I like studying with you. And I like being with you. Rain or otherwise.”
Logan watched him with wide eyes. “You’re--serious?”
“Yeah!” Roman beamed. “You just, like, made my entire life make sense, which is kind of terrifying but also very cool and everything is different now and I still really like you.”
“Oh,” Logan said, quietly. “Oh,” he said again.
“So, uh--” Roman’s confidence fizzled a bit. “I dunno. But--would you be interested in going out to eat? Or doing something together on our own? Like--a queerplatonic date?”
“Oh,” Logan said a third time. He was blushing violently. “Er--yes, if you’d be amiable to it, I’d enjoy--”
“Yes!” Roman cheered loudly. “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “It sounds...nice.”
“It really does, doesn’t it?” Roman smiled at him and adjusted the umbrella. “We should talk about this more, of course, but it’s still raining and you have places to be.”
“Oh! Right!” Logan huffed. “We’ve been standing together in the quad like a pair of fools.”
“A pair of fools basically sums us up,” Roman agreed. “A pair of fools in love,” he added in a sing-song voice.
“Hey,” Logan complained, blushing again.
“So cute,” Roman said. “You adorable nerd, and I can say that to you now, holy Hera--”
 “You certainly can,” Logan said, attempting to cover his face. “Congratulations.”
“Aww, no, come on!” Roman gently tugged Logan’s arms away from his face. “There you are!”
Logan wrinkled his nose. And on impulse, Roman leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
Logan’s squeak was the most adorable thing Roman had ever heard. He leaned back into place and gave Logan a second to compose himself.
“You know, I think I was right,” Roman said after Logan finally stopped malfunctioning. “Kissing in the rain is pretty fun after all!”
“Shut up,” Logan said. “And you said most people don’t do it under umbrellas.”
“You said we’d get cold!” Roman smiled at him. “Besides, I think I’m allowed to rewrite the story a bit.”
Logan smiled back. “If you’d like to.”
“I’d definitely like to,” Roman said, pulling Logan closer and holding the umbrella above them. “‘Cause this way, I feel like I’m doing it right.”
Give me a prompt, and I’ll write a short drabble!
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siennahrobek · 3 years
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I had so many ideas on what to write about today but I was scrolling through the Obi-Wan tag during my break and I came across a huge post that had been baffled and a bit crazed. It was labeled about forgiveness and mercy and such but it was like a huge insanely interpreted post about the Jedi Order and some of the characters. Of course I wasn't about to start any sort of argument (and wow was the post long) but I just had to write something, at least, in my own post, unconnected with theirs. I guess this is a reaction and buckle up cause it seems like this is going to be a long one. I have a lot to say and I'm not gonna stop being all anxious about it until I do but uh....
I'm sorry, did we watch the same movies?
They go through a lot of movies and completely do a opposite take on the Jedi; how they are "unattached" (I say this because there are so many misconceptions about the word) and celibate (which we know isn't actually true) and how Anakin becomes living proof why this attitude is wrong.
First of all, it's not an attitude; it is a way of life. One that has worked for thousands of people over millennia. Second; their point WAS proven. Anakin turned to the dark side and became a sith. He committed genocide after genocide (the Jedi, Mandalore, Alderaan, Lasan etc.) and in the end, he only turned back because of his son. Which, may seem good on the surface, but it only goes to show how no other children or people that he murdered actually mattered, it was only his blood child that did. But that's not where I'm going. You don't actually see him regret doing the countless things he has done (probably because he dies) and he only does this because of his blood son. It, for me, gives the impression that blood means everything.
Anyways, there is quite a bit of talk about Obi-Wan and honestly? It is all not good. I'm not blind to Obi-Wan's faults but in general? He is a really good person; he tries so hard and goes through so much and is ugh, always trying. Obi-Wan shows no understanding? What? What? Did we watch the same movie? I mean it has been a while since I have watched Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith (they hurt my heart because ugh) but that is NOT what I remember. I remember Obi-Wan teasing Anakin gently to get his mind off of his anxieties when they were going to see Padme again. I remember Obi-Wan saying "dude don't be a horny teenager" (not in those words obviously, but that was essentially the message). I remember him literally parenting and teaching him - like he's supposed to do. I remember him trusting Anakin to do the right thing and to protect the Senator alone, by himself. I remember Anakin saying he's been having dreams - not visions or anything and nothing specific, just about his mom - and Obi-Wan going "it's alright dude, those pass in time". I mean everyone has DREAMS, that's not beholden to force-sensitives. My dreams sure as heck don't mean anything. Just cause he is a Jedi and COULD have visions, does not mean they are. And he didn't tell Obi-Wan they were visions, he literally says dreams.
(this is about the time that I wish I could work with gifs and understand them)
Anakin is not stronger than Obi-Wan; I mean, really? Sure, more powerful? I guess? But let's go back. Who beats who on Mustafar? Obi-Wan. Who does NOT murder a bunch of children and turn to the dark side? Obi-Wan. Literally, sure, he's more "powerful" with the Force, because I guess that is the whole point but he's not stronger or wiser than Obi-Wan because as Captain Rex said "experience outranks everything" and man, does Obi-Wan have a lot of that.
Let's take a break and go to Shmi. They claim that her death is a dark page in the Jedi's book. I mean, w-what? How can you possibly blame the Jedi for Shmi's death? For not freeing her? Did Qui-Gon even tell the Council that Anakin was a slave? I don't remember, honestly. But still, she ended up freed and married to a man she fell in love with. And if I remember correctly, someone was sent (by Padme maybe? to free her but she was already gone to the Lars' by that point).
Okay, I know it sounds like I am reacting to a post and well I am I suppose. But like, this post is literally blaming the Jedi for Shmi's death and how they did not offer Anakin compassion. And then just to say that it is bothersome how Anakin was solely blamed. Uh, because he was a the perpetrator! How can you possibly justify the MURDER of children. Even though it not the Jedi way, I could understand, sort of, if he went after the people that hurt his mother specifically; probably some of the men/warriors/adults. But the babies? The children? You can literally not justify that. And to blame the Jedi Order and Obi-Wan for not "taking his nightmares seriously?" Are you serious? Anakin mentioned the dream (DREAM) once in passing, there is no indication that he said that she was in danger or that this was a vision. And visions are known to be notoriously unreliable! Not to mention, the Council is responsible for the Jedi as a whole - that is thousands of people.
Alright, now to the war.
There was a claim that throughout the war, the Jedi became more and more aloof, intolerant and unforgiving and determined to win despite the suffering of the people.
What. The. Krutack.
I will include the Clone Wars series, since it was directly referenced in response. Once again, did we watch the same show? Because I'm pretty sure that virtually the whole point of the show, aside from showing us horrible things the CIS did and the individuality of the clones, was the compassion and kindness of the Jedi. How they fought to protect as many people as they could. They were dying alongside the clones. Does anyone remember how kind and caring the Jedi were when they came across civilians. Do you remember how Obi-Wan literally carried and protected with his own body the little Twielek girl, Numa, on Ryloth? Does anyone remember how many NON-Republic planets they helped? I remember them helping even CIS senators and planets that had no ties to the Republic. They helped Mandalore even when they were not part of the Republic. The vast majority of Jedi are shown protecting not only citizens but the clones as well. They are on the front lines - not hidden behind a desk (although some are and that is necessary - tactics and strategy people) and trying to save as many lives as they can, even if it costs them. They inspire creativity and individuality in the clones - this is literally a thing. I could go on and on and on.
Okay, on to Revenge of the Sith - the sadness that will probably haunt my heart forever. We will start with Dooku; specifically when Palpatine tells Anakin to kill him and that he deserves it; it is revenge for cutting off his and whatever. And this, this, post asks if this is an act of mercy for the guy kneeling in front of him (and tells him Obi-Wan later denies him) and like, what? How in the world is that mercy? He murders a defenseless man. Sure, he is the enemy and he is a criminal but he is supposed to stand trial (not to mention all the intelligence Dooku could possible give to help win the war) which is incredibly ironic, considering later, Anakin screams at Mace Windu telling him Palpatine should stand trial (even though he is much more dangerous and more of a threat than Dooku). This is not mercy. This is a handless, defenseless (although evil) man who Anakin does actually kill. It is not mercy.
Anakin has dreams about Padme; similar to his mother. You would think he would have learned his lesson and confided in someone by telling them what was actually happening. Anakin once again, DOES NOT give Yoda any specifics, just that he fears someone he is close to will die. It is claimed that he is lacking empathy and compassion to Anakin's dilemma. WHAT DILEMMA? Anakin won't tell anyone anything that could actually help. What Yoda says is true; like "dude, people die and you have to move on from that. You cannot stop death and you cannot let this fear control you. You have to let go" which is a completely reasonable thing; I mean, hello - grief counseling anyone? Yoda probably thought he was talking about Obi-Wan - who was off on a very dangerous mission against a cyborg that had killed many Jedi and padawans; this seems like a very normal fear. Whether or not Yoda says this in the right way is not really relevant; Anakin knows that he has to let go of what he fears to lose because eventually, no matter what, he will lose it. NOTHING is permanent. Now if Anakin had specified he was having what he thought were visions and the actual person in them, I'm sure Yoda would have said things differently and probably helped him.
(Also, did Padme get any real health care or like??? Was it too much of a secret???)
(The genocide of the people in the Temple is conveniently glossed through with bare mention)
and then Mustafar. Contrary to Padme (apparently) Obi-Wan shows no clemency. ANAKIN MURDERED THE ELDERLY, THE SICK/INJURED AND BABIES in the temple. Not warriors, not even full grown men and women (some would be full grown but all the able bodied were probably out in the war trying to defend the universe). He should NOT be granted clemency. Anyone else would probably have been executed for this direct horrifying act. But they seem to gloss over how Obi-Wan is always on the defensive, not really because Anakin is more overpowering (And Obi-Wan does use a defensive style, Soresu) but because he is trying to give Anakin time to chill out and come to his senses. That is literally how the choreography was designed.
And Obi-Wan's last words were? Harsh? What? If I remember correctly, Obi-Wan says something like "You were supposed to destroy the Sith not join them" and when Anakin screams he hates Obi-Wan, the return is "you were my brother, Anakin, I loved you."
That is heart-breaking and sad, not harsh. How can you look at Obi-Wan's face in this scene and call that harsh? How can your heart not break for him?!
Say what you will about Obi-Wan leaving Anakin without "finishing him off". Whether or not this is a mercy, whatever. First, we needed a reason for Vader to be in the suit. Second, Anakin was unarmed; Obi-Wan doesn't go around killing unarmed enemies, much less loved ones. (Hello, the slaver from the series, anyone? He didn't kill him; it is against his beliefs. Rex killed him). Can you even imagine how Obi-Wan was feeling? How could he possibly kill his brother? Like, I have so many feelings and not enough words ahdkjgkjgjkf. Anakin does suffer and Obi-Wan has no reason to believe that Anakin would survive his injuries. Furthermore, if I remember correctly, Palpatine ship was coming? Also, Obi-Wan had to get to Padme - she was injured and more of a priority. Because she is someone he can try to save - Anakin is long gone - in more ways than one.
Although it claimed that they are not denying the terrible things Anakin has done; that is almost kind of what they are doing. They are literally putting Anakin's choices and agency to the fault of the Jedi - not just individuals but the culture and people. It is literally gone on to say that if he had left with his wife, the worst could have been avoided. What was the worst?
Oh, a mass murderer got his legs cut off and accidently burned alive. Uhm, okay, that sucks but you do realize he committed genocide of his entire family right? And he choked his wife into unconsciousness.
I can't even with humans.
There is not even a note to Palpatine and how he manipulated Anakin for years. No blame at all on the man we need to blame the most - they put all the blame on the Jedi which just. Blows my mind.
The Clone Wars proved there was no right choice for the Jedi - they were doomed to fall. Not because of anything they did - they did everything they could - but because of Palpatine's plans and schemes. I will never, ever agree that the Jedi failed because of themselves. I do not think that the "institution" was destined to fall ( that "institution" lasted for longer than the Republic). The Jedi were trying so hard - they were kind and good and compassionate and trying so hard for peace and saving as many lives as they could. The Sith were evil. The CIS was evil. The Senate was corrupt. And the Jedi were trying.
There is so much Jedi-blaming for Anakin's attitude, disposition and choices it is literally driving me insane. Why did I do this to myself?
Things delve into a New Hope and immediately there is bashing of the jedi; where Obi-Wan cuts some guy's arm off at a Cantina and Obi- Wan "lying" that Vader killed Anakin. Which, honestly, I could see that being true. Him being Anakin's murderer, at least. Vader may have Anakin's body but even he claims that he killed Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, at least, how he thought he was, was loyal and passionate and loving - or at least he tried to be. Vader is literally none of these things; there is very little of "Anakin" in Vader. And at first glance, it may seem that Obi-Wan and Yoda are setting Luke up to kill "his father" but honestly, I see it more as preparing him to fight Vader and kill him, if necessary. It's a horrible thing, but they do not outright say anything. And honestly, they were right. Vader is willing to kill Luke - he cuts off his hand and fights him. Okay, I have so much to say about this but that is for another time; i will digress about this particular point (of lying and such)
Luke, apparently, decides to forgive Vader and show him mercy (which is claimed the Jedi and Obi-Wan NEVER did for Anakin, no matter what he did for them which is such BS I'm virtually crying rn)
There is a lengthy talk about Luke trying to rebuild the Jedi culture and how it crushed him, his contrast with Obi-Wan's attitude and shame(?) and how trying to be a Jedi has caused him to fail. Because apparently Luke is the only one who apologized and that makes him different I guess? (How many times has Obi-Wan apologized and thought things were his fault even though they weren't?)
I won't get into the Sequel Trilogy because honestly, it does very little to interest me. I am mostly a Prequel- era person mostly because I love Obi-Wan and the strength and compassion of his character. Finn seemed really interesting to me and man I thought having a female Jedi character would be really great - we had some fantastic female Jedi such as Ahsoka, Shaak Tii, Depa Billaba and so many more - but they were rarely the focus and I thought it would be fun. But, I was a bit disappointed because killing off Han Solo the way they did? Eh. Didn't care for it. I was also in the era of Mara Jade, Jacen and Jaina Solo, Anakin Solo and Ben Skywalker (Luke's son) so perhaps I was a little bias. I didn't really understand why Leia and Han would name their child after someone that they didn't really know (although I do have a headcanon concerning Leia and Obi-Wan which I find hilarious that I love).
I didn't particularly care for the Sequel Trilogy. They made it a Skywalker show and they did an emphasis on romantic love and from what I recall from what I have watched, the majority of the characters weren't nearly as interesting or compelling to me. And then bringing Palpatine back, sighs. Why does it always come back to him? That is just exhausting.
I'm not hating on the Sequels; everyone is allowed to like things or whatever. I just didn't; they focused so much on Rey and Kylo Ren (who I actually have a bit of an opinion on but I won't right now) instead of the more intriguing characters. I would have been much more interested in Finn as a Jedi. To overcome what he has been through as a stormtrooper and becoming a Jedi would be a really interesting story. I didn't care for how they handled Luke. And I didn't like how Rey apparently became a master so fast without any real training? Even Anakin, the Chosen One, the most powerful force-wielder, had ten years of training under Obi-Wan and the Jedi. That stuff doesn't just...come; you learn it.
I wrote more about the Sequel Trilogy than I care too. I suppose this is a rather reaction post but wow; I felt like me and this person had watched two separate movie trilogy/shows. It boggles my mind on how people can get the opposite of something that was so clearly shown. I hope I didn't upset anyone too bad. I'm not hear to start a fight, just to get out some feelings.
I wrote this all instead of homework that I desperately need to do. Sighs.
I need to go through my likes and read some good Jedi content cause man, that, that was hard.
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