#it's sort of organized but still kind of a mess bc there's a bunch of random stuff

[dingodad]

my beautiful little mutual spencer asked a really interesting question which is that IF the subjugglators are responsible for the nightmares that trolls have, are the trolls going to still have nightmares with the subjugglators gone, and are they still going to need sopor slime to deal with those nightmares. so i checked my little sources. and this is the closest thing to an explanation andrew gives on formspring:

For the subjugglators in their small numbers to keep such a large population under their control, it would be very useful to have the ability to psychically amplify fears through dreams. They may have directed their chucklevoodoos on every susceptible mind in the population. Each lowblood may have a little highblood voodoo doll lurking in their subconscious, making them too terrified to organize any sort of rebellion.

we might guess from this that trolls' nightmares stem from a chucklevoodoo doll, which makes sense bc it's also where john and dave's nightmares et al. come from. so the next question might be whether we presume a clown's chucklevoodoo doll sticks around if that clown dies. and since gamzee never REALLY dies, i guess there's no way we can answer that for certain. but im going to go with yes, it sticks around? for a couple reasons.

chiefly that because of the whole dream self thing, there's not really any clear difference between a 'dream object' and a 'real object'... like, dream selves can dissolve into smoke, but generally speaking if you grab something from someones dream room and take it out of the dream room, it still exists as a regular object. an obvious example of this is lil cal; if gamzee got sucked into lil cal at the end of the comic, would that count as gamzee still "being around" to maintain lil cal's existence? it's interesting to think about it... but it's also implied to some degree that gamzee didn't even "create" lil cal, he just used his powers to pull him out of the void... so is that true for all chucklevoodoo dolls? kind of besides the point but still worth thinking about

there's also a question of practicality. like, if subjugglators are constantly controlling the fears of the population at all times, and a subjugglator dies, does another clown have to take over that guy's job and re-curse a bunch of kids... it would be stupid. but. pretty funny to think about. like having to cover your friend's shift at the nightmare factory. funny.

so im going to say the answer is that if you already had a nightmare doll when troll society blew up then you would keep it. and you might need therapy or maybe the good version of an evil clown to get rid of it. but if you were born after the collapse of alternia youre probably fine.

2 more questions though. what about ghosts. ghosts dont really have dream rooms cus they kind of ARE dream people? and we also dont know if they sleep at all. BUT we DO know kurloz could still fuck with meulin's brain while they were both dead. so do the ghosts on earth c for example still have evil fleas.

second question. more of a thought. in his formspring answer hussie also suggests gamzee could have been fucking with everyone on the meteor with his powers, i.e. messing with vriska's luck or terezi's investigative abilities. this has to make you wonder whether gamzee is messing with the voodoo dolls they presumably already have in their minds, or if he is like, adding them? like does your dream self bed just become one of those huge plushy walls over time as you get more and more traumatised

[lunaastoir]

cute things i think the genshin characters would do

characters included: diluc, kaeya, venti, and albedo 

****minor lore spoilers for diluc!****

an: i’m thinking of making this into a series bc this was such an adorable concept to write so lmk if you’re interested 👀 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

diluc 

sorry kind of starting off with something a little sad 

i think diluc would have a habit of rubbing his vision 

ok seems kinda dumb at first but let me elaborate: 

after the death of his father, diluc was quite obviously devastated 

he basically withdrew into himself after letting all the grief, pain, and rage flood his senses

i think during this time of grieving, he would’ve developed this habit of running the pads of his fingers across his vision to calm himself down 

(v similar to katara from atla) 

since his father had always been proud of diluc’s vision, the thought of touching something that reminded him of his father has always been able to bring him some sort of relief no matter how short lived

it serves as a constant memory of his dad and i think being able to have that kind of connection - no matter how small would hold a significance to him 

stressed? you’ll see his fingers dance across his vision as the crease between his eyebrows gradually loosens 

ok here’s a bonus habit (bc the previous one was sad) 

whenever he’s bartending at angel’s share, he always flips the bottles in this cool bartending way before pouring the drinks 

like the whole shabang - flips in the air, shakes it in a way that the drink foams just right 

people are usually v surprised when they see this bc woah mans has got some sKILLS 

but also bc he’s known for being pretty serious and reserved so seeing a “trick” is kind of breaking the stoic image they have of him 

after he’s done pouring the drinks he’s also really precise about closing the bottles 

he makes sure that the caps are on tightly and that nothing is leaking (which ig is another reason why he does flips with them so he can make sure that the bottles are tightly closed) 

yes he’s rich but he also wants to make sure the drinks don’t go bad bc 1) kind of a loss if they do and 2) his customers deserve the best 

sweet man pls protect him <3 

kaeya

when he’s sitting down at his desk, he brings his legs up so he can sit on his chair criss- cross applesauce 

since he’s in his office and the only other person who’s in there with him is jean, he feels like he can drop the suave, charming cavalry captain facade he puts on when he’s in public and just dial it down slightly to who he really is in that moment 

jean doesn’t say a word the entire time even tho she quite obviously notices 

don’t get me wrong, he’s still the smooth talking kaeya but just,,, more relaxed and comfortable?? if that makes sense 

so since he’s a lot more comfortable in his office, he usually folds his legs into his chair bc damn they hurt from walking around all day

this is kinda dumb but i also think he has a lot of ink stains on his hands from writing so whenever he sees a fresh one he just likes to stamp it onto a piece of paper 

usually that piece of paper ends up being an unimportant report that goes to jean 

dw he also has a bunch of pretty small towels in his bottom drawer that he uses to wipe his hands on bc the public can’t see the pretty cavalry captain w ink stains!! the world would end!! 

oH kind of a side note but i also think he would keep a small folded up picture of something klee drew him in his pocket 

he thinks it’s very sweet and he periodically takes it out just to look at it soft for this man 

last one for kaeya but since he wears boots that have the little lip on the bottom (not really a heel but enough to make some noise) he makes sure to always try his best to walk quietly around the streets of mondstadt at night 

if anyone catches him doing it he’ll wave it off and say something like “oh me? i’m just practicing my stealth - it comes in handy when you have to sneak up on enemies you know?” but in reality that’s just bs 

he really just doesn’t wanna risk waking people up <3 

venti

this adorable man is obviously notorious for drinking 

he loves alcohol!! i mean he’s the anemo archon of the city of wine and freedom so is anyone really surprised 💀

anyways venti always jokes abt not having any mora (he really doesn’t he’s not wrong) but he always makes sure to pay his tab at angel’s share 

the only reason diluc lets him drink sm is because at the end of the day, venti always comes through w the mora 

he really is a talented bard so everything he makes in singing and composing music for other people to listen to always goes straight to angel’s share (debatable if that’s for the best or not but i’ll leave that one to you) 

so yeah <3 basically venti pays back his tabs even tho he’s an archon since he doesn’t want people to experience a loss bc of him 

it’s the archon nature coming out but also the venti nature bc he’s a sweet boy 

anyways getting onto the actual habit 🕺

he has a tendency to skip/hop regardless of wherever he’s going 

he uses his anemo elemental skill a lot while doing this just he can feel a light breeze whenever he skips around 

i also think he carries around extra bard strings in his hat bc he thinks it’s a cool party trick to take them out and be like tada i have extra strings no need to worry!!! 

people are usually not that amused but he does it anyway 

also yeah uh those strings sometimes fall out when he’s skipping 💀 

he’ll be hopping and suddenly bOOM they fall out, he loses them, a kitten by the name of prince takes them, and he has to ask for help to find his strings (i believe this is exactly how venti lost his strings to prince during the windblume festival and no i will not take any criticism and if venti says something different he is lying 🔪)

also has a habit of putting his hair into a bun sometimes!!! 

he loves his pigtails but he finds that he gets bored of them occasionally and his hair needs a break from its wavy tresses so he just plops it into a bun instead 

so so cute 10/10 hairstyle he can do my hair 

anyways love this man thanks for coming home <3 

albedo

i had a feeling i would kind of have a hard time w albedo since he is a little hard to read so i hope this is ok LMFAO 

he has paint stains. everywhere. no you cannot change my mind. 

they are subtle tho i will give him that 

you can’t notice that anything is amiss until you really pay attention and then you’ll start to see the pretty pastels and greens of the sunset he was painting up on dragonspine softly smeared across his clothes 

very rarely you’ll see a cute swipe of paint across his cheek or neck and it’s honestly adorable 

he was probably pushing his hair out of his face while he was painting and some excess paint on his finger landed on his cheek :,) 

he doesn’t really care tbh he thinks it’s just a part of him and it really isn’t that noticeable so he just leaves it 

also!!! since he is a big alchemist and he’s constantly working on labs and experiments i think he would accidentally misplace a lot of his written work 

he seems very organized but w someone as intellectual as him w his brain running miles a minute, i’m sure he has definitely forgotten where he’s put stuff away 

so!! in order to help him remember, he has little notes across his lab detailing where everything is 

if he was working on something and he immediately has to put it on hold bc something came up (klee came in demanding attention or sucrose needs help) then he’ll quickly jot down a note and stick it to his desk so he’ll remember when he comes back just in case he forgets 

sucrose as a result has noticed A LOT of notes across the lab and it’s simultaneously funny and endearing 

“started experiment with sweet flowers to try and turn them into a youth elixir: papers --> on the desk right next to klee’s photo” 

final point: he lets klee braid his hair sometimes if she wants to 

she doesn’t really know how given how young she is so she ends up messing up but albedo always walks her patiently through the steps again 

always makes time for klee no matter what bc he really does care a lot abt her :,) 

i love him sm pls 

#diluc #kaeya #venti #albedo #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons #genshin impact #genshin diluc #genshin kaeya #genshin venti #genshin albedo #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya alberich

[katewaliss]

! write with me or fight with me!

you either die by my sword or the most painful head canons imaginable! *merida vc* choose yer fate

just kidding!

 hey there gaymers, i am crissy! i am 22, live in pst, go by she/her pronouns and honestly would very much like a distraction from life -- preferably in the form of 1x1 and rp in general. i am currently doing online school plus trying/failing at adulting, being a crazy pink haired college student living on microwave dimsum with my crazy fluffy demon cat, but that still leaves me with a lot of time and what better way to spend that time then crying and dying, am i right, boys? 

so without further ado ( adieu? idk gusundheit ) here are a list of discomboblulated plot things that have been floating around in my head that i might be fun to do ( plot fragments, ideas, ocs, fcs i like, settings, genres etc )! i’d prefer a message if u liked any of these in the inbox or dm form, my tumblr ims are open and my discord user is mr. worldwide#2918 ( pitbull supremacy ) but if ur shy i will message u and be annoying! 

lastly: i prefer hcing in the dms to replies, however i will do replies/ask memes slowly, i don’t really like making blogs and prefer google docs/discord and i ask ( gently and respectfully ) that minors do not interact.

thank u and happy hunger games! xx

COLLEGE TOTALLY SPIES -- i was really obsessed with this picture right here and i thought that the picture would be a good premise for a little four person group based on totally spies. i was thinking that these three college students/young adults some friends maybe not some enemies or just on completely different ends of the social agenda get bonded together when they accidentally end up roped in a top secret spy organization that is fronted by a record store. the details and flesh of the plot i think would be cute to figure out all together maybe in a google doc or a big discord so we can make the rp to perfect world building specifications. right now i have two spots open! 

my friend lexi over at comradc has taken the cool goth asian girl and is using lyrica okano

i am playing the freckly backwards hat lesbian in the red polo named aj mccallis and i think im using diana silvers ( not sure might switch to tati rodriguez )

we also have the cute blond girl w the dyed hair who is giving me kind of like sydney sweeney energies, blonde girl maybe like lalisa manoban/jinsoul,

and we have the rad black girl with the bandids who i would only accept black fcs for for such as diamond white, ryan destiny, salem mitchell, 

i’d prefer if this stayed kind of sapphic and female and enby friendly. we can def make make npcs and characters but i’d prefer if the characters looked like they do in the picture ( minus the white girls who can be racebent as long as there are vibes ) mostly bc i want the poc people to stay the correct poc! but yeah! if u like this message me specifically!!!!! seperately and hit me w a role ud like maybe an fc an idea anything < 3 im working on a google doc and discord sever

- i really want to play a himbo skater boy evan mock like its my dream i know nothing abt him other than he probably goes by something like mouth or juice or tris or dex or dante but !!!! he has buzzed hair he buzzes designs into, does stick n pokes, hates cops, will kiss anyone, likes to mosh at house shows, smokes a lot and sounds like crush from finding nemo, probably ur parents worst nightmare if im honest rodrick heffley energy -- adopt him for any plot

- i also really am obsessed with simay barlas who is my mascot rn -- i want to play her in some sort of dark academia setting with like gossip girl blair waldorf energies lu from elite and have her be really mean and cold and pretentious and play the cello and probably have secrets and be uptight idk the name mallory is resonating hard w me ( we could even do a gossip girl the secret history type group if people liked that ) 

-ok i also really really want to play streak aka silas montgomery who is like very like sidekick best friend to the golden boy main character, does a kick ass goat impression, class clown, relentlessly hits on like the most difficult person in school, does crazy things for laughs and attention, just wants to make people happy, only wears hawaiian shirts, finger guns, is going nowhere in life, his dad is probably the dean at whatever prestigious school also he is very very depressed and drinks often! love u! a I Feel Like Im The Worst So I Always Act Like Im The Best electra heart baby PINTEREST

also yes his hair is pink reg verse he did it on a dare but hp verse he did a potion wrong and it never came out

SOMEONE DO A LADY HANNIBAL WILL GRAHAM RP KILLING EVE RP W ME! i made this will graham adjacent gal for a genderbent hannigram rp her name is bisexual disaster enida johnson and sometimes goes by needy or will bc her middle name is willamena! has basically all the will things wears flannels is a mess but has a bunch of cats instead of dogs in her woods log cabin and im using crystal reed bc it fits perfect in my head idk if u like her hmu hit me w a lady hannibal PINTEREST

other stuff

ok i really want to do a princess and knight plot but with knight zendaya and princess anya taylor joy ???? ALKHALKSHALK LITERALLY HELLO literally modern or like dnd style i do not care but know i love dnd! we could make it like them goin on some skyrim quests like hi

speaking of dnd and skyrim if anyone wants to do like anything based in dnd stuff or skyrim stuff i am DOWN

jennifers body plot!!!! maybe set in college!!!!! sounds spicy i will do a f/f or m/m version leggo leggo 

UNTIL DAWN UNTIL DAWN!!!! i wanted to do a little like 6 person or mumu until dawn thing where everyone either makes new characters or characters based on the existing six! i made a girl adjacent josh character named riley PINTEREST who i love very much ( fc might change im thinking maybe medallion rahimi ) pls hmu if ur down

i looooooove breakfast at tiffanys!!!! like i really love breakfast at tiffanys we love a call girl broody author ship and i want to play a mishti rahman holly golightly type character so so bad 

pygmalion plot!!! basically like an author and the main character of their book comes to life and the book character is probably from a different period of time or realm so doesnt know how to do modern 2020 stuff like microwaves and the tv! and then maybe they get sucked into the characters book world thats written by the author and have to navigate that! enchanted! w the kdrama! energy!

GOSSIP GIRL PLOT ENERGIES

any sort of the secret history murder society until dawn ahs horror type setting i am on a kick rn 

i still really want a deaf sailor and siren plot bc that is so spicy or even like anything involving sirens like maybe one thats like vegetarian and doesnt like to eat humans so it ariel rescues one and keeps it safe!! or like only men are susceptible to the sirens song but aha! i am a woman! Romance!

anything in the realm of percy jackson i love mythology lets go i kind of want a echo narcisuss plot and i want it to hurt me so bad 

i will do harry potter stuff but only if its completely removed from the current canon like years in the future no existing families also maybe beauxbatons salem and drumstrang plots bc thats what matters

iiiiiiiii really like anime so i will do anything kakegurui, soul eater, ohshc

i kind of like grew up on the hunger games so i will gladly take any hunger games plots like young effie and haymitch is spicy or like a career tribute and one of the weaker poorer distracts enemies to lovers leggo

i have a kind of oc that had their parents die in a factory gas leak that was the governments fault and it turned them into a vigilante assasin that is slowly picking off bootlicker government people one by one pretending to be one of them until bam! gets attached to the rich asshole son or daughter of the head hauncho or one of the higher ups ... drama

rich little celebrity fussy wussy being held captive by the mafia and the tired stoic mafia guard but they fall in love 

i kind of like any plot that involves one person that is really loud or angry or dramatic or whiny and the other one is kind of sweet and gentle or does not talk much idk make brain happy 

speaking of!

no nonsense law student studying abroad in a european country and an artist there falls in love w them and is all romantic and gush and is like ur my muse!!! and they are like Go awAy and they explore the city together and themelseves its nice!

i want to be an avan jogia super villain idk why i need to but i do 

not to be a disney adult bc i am not but anastasia princesses dont kiss kitchen boys 

rival cheer captians? best friends brother? pop princess celebrity singer and like antiestablishment really angry rockstar in a publicity relationship? broody detective and sunshiney diner person that works at the diner they eat at everyday?

idk i will think of more hmu these can all be made f/f or m/m if they arent 

#1x1 #1x1 rp #1x1 roleplay #plots #this is so long and messy and weird idk it repeats a lot hit me up im emabrrassed already

[fuwahiko]

HELLO IM BACK FOR KUZUHINA. Soon enough you'll see a theme with my asks...hopefully i wont be so predictable but i like what i like so who knows hehe. SO. Non-Despair au, Hajime and Class 77 are a found family (bc its THE BEST TROPE), and some idiot organization has the nerve to kidnap Hajime because he's "the Kuzuryu Clan Heir's boytoy." Ur thoughts on this scenario?

YESSS FOUND FAMILY!!! hoooo boy this organization has messed with the wrong teenagers, they don’t know what they’re in for lmao.

I had such a fun time thinking about this idea haha. I feel like there’s just so many possibilities for shit that could go down! (this is gonna be a really long one, uh oh...)

so they’ve taken Hajime to their base, my first thought is like a mansion or something but idk, and the class are of course determined to get him back. I feel like Fuyuhiko would be incredibly worried about Hajime, of course because he loves him but also because he knows Hajime isn’t used to dealing with this sort of crap like he is, and Fuyuhiko knows Hajime is tough but even still, he can’t imagine what it’s like being in that situation as someone who isn’t yakuza.

everyone comes up with a plan to get Hajime back and they all do their part to help out of course. this is the fun part to think about because as I said, there’s so many possibilities! one idea I had is that Mikan could (maybe with some help from Seiko?) make some kind of drug that could cause like, an extreme (but essentially harmless) sort of numbing effect and she would team up with Akane to take out some guards; Mikan would distract them while Akane would swoop in super fast and inject the guards from behind. the guards just like... flop over lmao. I also love the idea of Gundham asking a dog to walk over to a guard pretending to be hurt only to give him a big ol’ bite when he goes to try and help. poor dude’s running around with a dog clinging to his arm that won’t let go and his buddies are just lil useless lumps on the ground that can’t even lift a finger to help (this sounds like something from a kid’s movie lol).

imagine the amount of chaos Nagito would cause too, like we know what kind of crazy shit he’s capable of lmao. he’d bring the whole building down!

Fuyuhiko and Peko would be the first to find Hajime, I imagine at least most of the others would be spread out around the rest of the building and outside keeping an eye on the situation and fighting their own battles. they break into the room only to find Hajime tied to a chair with tape over his mouth, and as soon as he sees them he starts panicking and trying to shout. several men come out from hiding to attack Fuyuhiko and Peko and try to capture them as well, but they knew this would be a trap from the very beginning and fight them off pretty easily, knocking them all to the ground. Fuyuhiko probably says some shit like “hah, you really thought you were gonna be tough enough to fuck with us? what a bunch of fucking amateurs” while like, grinding his shoe into one dude’s head probably lol.

Fuyuhiko carefully removes the tape from over Hajime’s mouth and helps him out of the rope. He tells Hajime that it’s okay, he’s safe now and it’s all over, but he’s reassuring himself as well; he really was so worried and he’s relieved to have Hajime by his side again. Fuyuhiko grips Hajime’s hand tight as they walk together out of the building. later on when it’s just the two of them Fuyuhiko opens up and talks about how worried he was and Hajime talks about how scary the whole situation had been. for the next few weeks Fuyuhiko is a little clingy; sticking close to Hajime as often as he can, holding his hand more, and wanting to cuddle a lot more too.

(feel free to leave more ideas for this in the replies or tags, I’d love to know what people think the others could do to help out!)

#ask #kuzuhina #long post #drug mention #thank you for sending in another ask omg!! #whenever I get an ask here I’m just like ‘yippee!!’ haha #I’m gonna be out here writing novels in response to these asks soon lmao #also hey #anyone else think mikan and seiko would get along really well? #they have a lot in common! #does this post even need the ‘long post’ tag? I feel like it doesn’t but whatever #dr2 spoilers

[brvdleymilligan]

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.  

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops. 

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

#parkway.intro #abuse tw #death tw #drugs tw #hospitalisation tw #alcoholism tw #depression tw #i believe tht covers it........... #FLINGS this like a harpoon

[lookwhatilost]

if i had to tell u one thing abt how my parents see me that rly Says As Much As It Needs To, they tell me constantly that they planned me down to the month i was born

24 seems like an old age to be stuck on rebellion against one’s parents. and it absolutely is. i should have gotten it out of my system a long time ago, but circumstance never really allowed. everything had to be planned. they had their plans for me, very strict ones, and if i were to say “no”, then i’d best be equipped w an alternative one. there’s no room for indecision, or confusion. life is not a predictable thing, and i’m not always a predictable person, but if you want to please them, these are things you have to pretend not to be aware of. there’s no room for exploration, or actually taking time to think. you have to constantly be moving from one goal post to the next. that’s how this is. you always have to have an answer to the question “what will you do?”

there isn’t a “now” with people like them. only a “next”

they bought me merch shit from lehigh university from the time i was 5 or 6 years old. there are pics of me in the family photo album of me in my first grade cheerleading garb, and in one of them, i’m wearing a pint-sized lehigh sweatshirt over my actual uniform. when i got a little older, like end of middle school, i told them i wanted to go to college in boston and they both replied w a confused “i thought you wanted to go to lehigh” kinda response. but i remember thinking back then, yknow, i never could recall expressing any organic interest in that. jst sort of resigning to it. “okay, i guess that’s what i’m supposed to do”

they wanted me to be a chemical engineer. isn’t that hilarious?

to bulk up my college application, they railroaded me into a bunch of extracurriculars that i didn’t wanna participate in. forced to swim competitively since i was 8, i had grown so weary of it by the time i’d reached high school. i told them i was tired, that i didn’t want to do it anymore. they said “well if you’re not going to swim, then what are you going to do?” and i didn’t have an answer, but they wouldn’t accept “nothing” as an answer. so i kept doing it even though i didn’t want to. disobedience to them could be met w violence and it wasn’t frequent, but frequent enough that i was always worrying abt it. so i did what they said even if it was making me unhappy

my grades suffered progressively each time we’d move, and when bullying rly ratcheted up in middle school, it sort of bled into this lifelong pattern of personal distress rendering me completely non-functional. i was always a good test taker, but it was hard for me to do any classwork outside of that, bc all i was capable of focusing on was how depressed and lonely i felt. i’d go to my sports practices after school, and come home jst. completely burnt out. rinse and repeat

joke’s on them when i dropped out of high school, i guess. that beefy college application was never sent out to any actual colleges. “well if you’re not going to finish high school, then what are you going to do?” and i didn’t have an answer, but they wouldn’t accept “nothing” as an answer, so i got my equivalency and enrolled in community college. but i was still in the same predicament from personal stress being entirely consuming. i had a rly toxic dynamic w my ex boyfriend (and some of the people who have been following me for a rly long time may remember when i was in the thick of this) who was constantly tasking me w cleaning up the messes he got into through his addiction and general irresponsibility. and then he would dump me for the umpteenth time. or cheat on me. or do something else stupid, and i tolerated it bc he was half of my support system and i couldn’t lose that. it got so stressful and i ended up attempting to k*ll m*self several times, and had to withdraw from school bc i’d missed so much when i was in residential psychiatric treatment

“well if you’re not going to community college, then what are you going to do?” and i didn’t have an answer, but they wouldn’t accept “nothing” as an answer. so i went to cosmetology school and sunk 5 years of my life into an atrocious and thankless industry. i guess i have to hand it to myself. i’ve never stuck w anything for so long, but i never rly cared for any of it. it was easy. and a lot of people in it are really stupid, and it’s easy to excel above people like that. but i never liked it that much. i guess it’s unfair to say i never had my moments. i did have my moments where i was optimistic, where i thought my skill would carry me. i soared above my classmates and had high expectations for myself for a while... until i realized that i wasn’t rly the kind of person who succeeds in this industry. the kind of person who makes any money here is the kind of person who’s complacent enough never to question it. can i really recommend things to people in good faith when i’m aware of the ridiculous markup? can i really insist that what we’re selling is so much better than what they’re getting in the drugstore when i know you’d need a comprehensive education in biochemistry to understand a bottle of shampoo, when i know that almost every beauty school is incidentally owned by one of the companies that manufacture these professional products? can i ever feel okay about plying into people’s insecurities to upsell a ticket? can i ever reconcile that it all, at its core, goes against my ethics?

and i dnt think i can. my roommate and i were looking into moving out of state, but when he pulled back, i still wanted to follow through on the decision. but transferring my cosmetology license would have been very labor-intensive and expensive for something i was already disenchanted with. i thought about other reasons to legitimize the move, and i figured since i was on a cooking kick, maybe it’d be worth monetizing. i am very good at it. when you have a restrictive ED, and dnt want to eat processed diet food shit all day, it teaches you a lot about how to season and prepare things effectively. a lot about portioning, about measurement, about precision, about control. i have it mastered down to an art. i only wanted to look at schools in the specific place i wanted to move, and i only wanted to do a certificate program. when i mistakenly involved my parents in the decision making process, they scheduled me a tour at a more collegiate-minded school in an entirely different state bc it was “the best one” and coaxed me into applying. i did. i realized i’d made a huge mistake, that i was going down the same path that me so unhappy in a trade before. if i go about this from a “nothing” job, if i realize it’s not an environment i wanna be in... it’s not as much of a loss of time, money, expectantions. i told them. they were angry.

i sat down w my dad a few days ago. i explained to him how i felt. he tried to convince me to hold onto it, to try it, “jst one semester, it can’t hurt”. unwilling to see where i was coming from. unwilling to budge. and then he said it, that one thing, that i’m so fucking sick of hearing

“well, if you’re not going to go to culinary school, then what are you going to do?”

and i didn’t have an answer, but he wouldn’t accept “nothing” as an answer

so i said “nothing”

#blog #god's in his heaven

[aeide-thea]

[just panic-spiraling out loud about Health Concerns i should really go see a doctor about, but rn it's 4 AM on a sunday so i'm whispering them into the night instead—]

i've been feeling a bunch of abdominal discomfort the past, idk, few days/week or so—sort of, hm, vague fullness/gassiness/distension sensations, i guess? and like, some degree of that sort of thing is pretty normal for me for Anxiety Reasons, but even so this has felt kind of weird and ominous, and increasingly i'm also thinking there's maybe something externally palpably Not Right but honestly, idk, i've never spent a whole lot of time palpating my own abdomen so i don't really have a baseline for comparison? i mean there are supposed to be, like, organs in there, whatever deleuze may say...*

anyway i'd been sticking my head in the sand a little and hoping this would go away again but considering it's definitely been going on since at least thursday, and i don't actually remember what prompted this post from the 22nd but it looks awfully like a connectable dot, i think it's officially gone on long enough that i ought to at least get myself checked out? particularly if the lethargy/fatigue situation of the last, idk, significant number of months counts as Actual Symptoms and not just a depression thing, yikes yikes yikes... like, my mother's initial symptoms were lethargy/fatigue and constipation, and while i haven't been constipated, who knows, 1 out of 2 ain't bad

and of course attempting to do internet research about this is just like, you probably have cancer! and i mean like, i supposedly** don't have my mother's BRCA mutation and i'm not even 30 yet, but who knows! horrible things happen to people! i know this intimately! which knowledge in conjunction with the internet input is making me panicky, like, literal shaking and chills, loving the feedback loop here!

not to mention that like, i definitely didn't deal with getting signed up for health insurance last fall because my mother had literally just died and i was a mess, so unless it automatically kicked in when i didn't decline it—which it might have, idk, but you would think i'd have gotten some kind of notification of that?—i don't actually have health insurance right now! what a good time to be trying to go to the doctor, and potentially more than one doctor! (i am, at least, lucky in that i/my dad can afford for me to go to some appointments out of pocket if need be, and/or i feel like i might be able to call insurance up and be like 'uh i neglected to deal with insurance last fall bc death in the family, is there any way i can sort that out belatedly?' but still: A Tangle.)

and i mean, maybe it's fine, maybe it's psychosomatic, maybe it's some kind of benign cyst situation, there are lots of levels of scenario that aren't immediate defcon 'congrats yr gonna be dead in 2 years' probably! but i have secondary cancer trauma so this is where my head immediately goes! 🙃🙃🙃

#* i am 100% certain this is a gross bastardization of whatever deleuze has to say #you are allowed to tell me so‚ as long as you understand that i'm making panicky intellectually sloppy jokes rn bc it's 4 AM and i'm scared! #that's also what all the bright brittle exclamation points are! #** and like‚ 'supposedly' as in‚ i got tested for it‚ whatever that's worth #hahaha i don't want to die‚ pls @ god in whom i don't believe let there not be something unfixable wrong with me #(i mean‚ like‚ beyond all the things we already know about)

[larksinging]

aaand how about like. what are your characters's living spaces like??

whoops long!

winter, uh, the dragons built some structures right? yeah okay. his place is probably made of more stone than some of the others. he prefers stone bc its cool and smooth. it’s pretty sparse, really just a space to sleep and store a few things. what he does have is pretty neat, he organizes it all to some degree. he also has a cave somewhere near the great lakes he’s claimed for when he wants to chill out somewhere cooler. it’s pretty similar. 

maria i like, never ACTUALLY figured out where she’s living, OOPS. i should figure that out and post a claim for her. she got an apartment somewhere. actually she might’ve gotten an apartment in new york to start with, but that was too... busy for her. now i think she would’ve found an apartment somewhere on the west coast, since that’s easier for visiting lucille and going to work in las vegas. somewhere a bit smaller, not too busy... maybe sacramento because it’s got a different mood, or a smaller touristy town in socal. i think she lives somewhere with a fair amount of sun. ANYWAY her apartment isn’t super neat or super messy, she has a lot of knick knacks and random stuff she’s acquired, but she keeps it... semi-organized. it’s a pretty lowkey sort of vibe. 

maive lives on the waverider, of course. by human standards, her room is VERY messy. by wolf standards, it’s about average. her bed sheets are kind of everywhere, she has random piles of feathers and bones and other trinkets she collects, she has some food stored here and there. she’s gotten a lot better at making sure it’s not dirty, but it’s still kind of messy. 

mothwhisper’s den is like, paradoxically neat and messy. it’s messy because she’s got a BUNCH of herbs like ALL over, but it’s neat because she sorts them a bit obsessively. she also has the really soft moss (in case anyone gets sick enough to have to stay with her) that she regularly replaces, and then her moss which is more normal. she probably has a herb sorting System that nobody else understands 

ivypool sleeps in the warrior den with the other lionclan warriors, so not much personalization. she prefers to sleep sort of on the edge, but near the entrance, in case she needs to get up. she checks her moss really carefully for thorns and prickles. 

veronica lives in beacon heights still. her place, and her room especially, is very much... “teenager starting to grow up and have to take care of herself realizing that sometimes. not being messy. is good.” so very typical college age kid where theres been some half-hearted effort to be neater, but its kind of failed. as far as teenagers go she’s not SUPER messy, but. yknow. 

nyssa has an apartment in gotham. she keeps her place very clean and organized. it’s not actually as sparse as you’d expect, because the rooms at the league were kind of luxurious? anyway. she has a lot of like swords and knives displayed that look decorative but Definitely Are Not. it’s a bit gloomy, as she keeps the curtains drawn a lot, and often lights candles, but still. she also has a pet snake in a big terrarium. 

laurel also lives on the waverider! her place is like, artificially sparse, because she 1) is still adjusting to putting down roots somewhere and 2) is secretive and doesn’t like people seeing her Stuff. her more personal items are usually hidden away in a drawer or shelf where people aren’t likely to mess with them. mostly it has a lot of random little trinkets and decorations she’s “borrowed” during legends missions. she’s especially drawn to jewelry and has a couple jewlery boxes (though the stuff she Really likes or finds sentimental is hidden away). it’s... not really that cozy, someone give her room a makeover

#denny is a cursed place #thanks!! #mikexxwheeler

[icharchivist]

Ramble about the Hisoka&Chikage dynamic (w/ spoilers for the two Winter Play Events and chapter 5) and more personal stuff under the cut

Either way the thing i found really cruel with the Chikage arc is that, Hisoka was already on top of my fav list, but since he was amnesic he wasn’t defined by much aside from “his amnesia most likely come from his trauma”, and learning that he has a guilt complex/is responsible for someone’s death and it’s likely that this death is what triggered the amnesia, and that’s it. 

and i thought i was safe with that bc What Could Go Wrong meanwhile i could relate on being a Sleepy Bitch like Hisoka (hell i used to be able to sleep ANYWHERE before and often fell asleep in class or in a corner on trip, before anxiety indulced Insomnia started to kick my ass.) and i have memories issue, trauma babey, so like, My Kin Now:tm: (i have more reasons but that’s the funny short version)

but then the Winter Chapter ended with the April’s cliffhanger and the thing is that i was aware of Chikage’s cards and i knew of that one card from the “past self” set which was matching with Hisoka, so it was obvious that Chikage=April and that Chikage and Hisoka both were spies

and it fucked me up and from all the rookies’s build ups from the events it’s Chikage’s that fucked me up the most bc he specifically appears in Winter chapter, makes it clear he’s lurking on Hisoka LIKE THIS IS CHIKAGE’S FIRST APPEARANCE

IS WHEN TASUKU PICKS UP HISOKA AFTER HE COLLAPSES.. AND NOW WE KNOW IT WAS CHIKAGE’S ROLE..... HE LITTERALLY SLIDES ON SCREEN TO DECIDE TO TAKE ACTION ON HISOKA WHILE SEEING SOMEONE FILLING HIS ROLE OF CARETAKER OF HISOKA.....

And then Chikage leaves Hisoka flowers saying it “means a lot to him” to send those flowers and considering the whole Flower Language in the game it had to be on purpose so i checked up the flowers he sent Hisoka and i’m a crying mess

Second Winter Play:

(red pre chap 5, green post chap 5)

Third Winter Play:

and i’m a messssss because while the first one can have resentment in it it also showcase the specific grief Chikage denied himself to feel??? even the grief he felt FOR Hisoka. But the second one is so positive and hopeful like Chikage doesn’t WANT to turn on Hisoka like he planned and i’m a fucking disaster.

COUGHS anyway i got lost but, the thing is that, the fact the direction they took with the complex relationship between the three siblings is. The sort of sibling relationship i connect with because this is closer to what i can relate. 

it is a similar reason why i’m fascinated with the Wales brothers in gbf, with the fact the youngest brother had to bear the burden of his older brother disappearing and his other brother going off rails and taking it out on him, before being torn by guilt and realizing he ought to make it up to his brother. 

And if you boil down the Hisoka/Chikage/August storyline it’s the same thing happening, except Chikage specifically BLAMED Hisoka for August’s death, and Hisoka felt guilty and responsible and beared that burden.

And honestly i already connect much more with sibling dynamics when the youngest of the bunch is bearing the burden of their dynamic bc, mood.

But, as someone who had my eldest sister ran away from home when i was a kid and my other sister turning on me and pushing me away because, as she told me ways later, she badly lived the abandon and she knew i was closer to my eldest sister so she pushed me away in a form of jealousy AND the fact we were not allowed to talk about my runaway sister, we had to act like she never existed, and it was extremely frustrating so my sister shifted the blame on me

bc Chikage was always a bit jealous of how close Hisoka and August were and then when August died, with the inability to process his grief, he had to blame Hisoka.

And like, if the Wales Brothers’ dynamic punched me in the face, this was a suckerpunch because bro that hit, ways too close from home??? on a character i already kinda can project on?? (even though my behavior and coping mechanisms are closer to Azuma bc of the shared Abandon Issues and all but man it’s not like i had nothing on Hisoka yaknow?)

And, meanwhile, Hisoka and Chikage fixed their relationship. They opened up about their trauma, they cleared it up, they decided to heal together and getting better, and this is something that’s fucking me up a LOT because... it’s not something i can have? My sister and I shared our trauma but we’re still so distant and so caught in our parents’s bullshit that my sister KEEPS shifting the blame on me for anything going wrong with our family, especially lately with our dad. 

It was something that made me irrationally emotional with the Wales bro already but here destroys me, the fantasy of /fixing/ it. The fantasy of, after this hardship, managing to realize they can rely on one another and be there through their trauma. And, for Hisoka and Chikage, this desire to rebuild their family, in a less toxic environment. It’s something i can’t have, and don’t even really /want/ because the relationship with my sister is too damaged and we’re too different as people, but the fantasy of it being a possibility somewhere makes me weak on my knees.

(+ tbh a3 is HEALING bc with the Wales bro, the youngest is still the most responsible one, he still has to carry this burden, he has so much on his shoulders, and it’s... heavy when you get to project a bit on his story. While Hisoka is, on the contrary, encouraged to rest in order to recover. He’s encouraged to keep sleeping, to do stuff he likes, to nurse himself back to health, and this is so HEALING to have to see the characters who’s trauma you relate to being told that they don’t have to just “carry on” but, that they can be safe to rest now. (likewise with Azuma who’s also encouraged to rest and take care and rely on others without being punished about pushing people away. Instead it’s his friends picking up how to read him to counter Azuma’s first instict that is to isolate himself, without lecturing him about how he shouldn’t do that.), a3′s way to tackle trauma and recovery is seriously getting to me SO BAD like, it’s really healing to me)

Adding to that that, independantly to it all, I genuinely adore Chikage, he’s fun, he’s sneaky, he’s an ass, but he cares so much, and everything is because he cares ways too much, he’s so damaged and was never allowed to have room to get better and now he does, and he built so much walls around himself, his lies are just that (i’ve seen someone call it gas//l//ighting and DEAR LORD learn the meaning of words he doesn’t do that AT ALL) he just lies to throw off people, he tells people right away that he lies, even when it would protect him to keep on the charade (see his lie to Sakyo to cover up when he kidnapped Izumi), they’re walls in order to keep people away, to keep them from asking about him, and like he says to Tsuzuru because there’s weakness to be exploited in the truth, which is a paranoia that is completely legit to have when he’s litterally an informant/hacker spy?? 

he’s completely different from my sister, which is ironic, but therefore i do not even manage to project this thing fully on him. Hell, i crush on Chikage. I have terrible taste but good lord he’s been appearing in my dreams every day lately what the fuck Chikage. (litterally my top 3 chara is just “1) Kin in regard to the lore, 2) Kin in the coping mechanism, 3) Crushing ways too hard on him, am a total simp”)

Also meanwhile the fact the whole ending is “we’re leaving the organization (which was their family), we have a found family now, but together” is peak fantasy for someone like me and i’m always crying over the Mankai Found Family, but just, going “screw the previous family”? but..... the two of them together? I’m a mess. Especially adding to the fact Hisoka got SO close to the Winter Troupe and with the course of the events it really shows how precious they became to one another, this found family remains so precious to Hisoka (hell he bothers Homare and Tasuku as much as he bothers Chikage dLKFJD) he just, wants Chikage to experience this happiness too instead of letting himself collapse under his trauma and i’m!!! aaaah!!

So yeah what i’m getting at is, that, I thought i would be safe from Hisoka’s arc, that i wouldn’t be this emotionally invested in it, i was already too emotionally invested in Azuma’s bc Azuma has my coping mechanisms, but instead the plot took me by the throat with the direct sibling dynamic i REALLY feel for, it hit WAYS too close from home, with a storyline i can HEAVILY empathize with, and feel pain for both Hisoka and Chikage because i get both sides so hard, and i HAD to fall for one of those morons.

I’ve been playing a3 for over a year, started playing when the EN server lautched, and i had been emotionally involved in all of it, a LOT, i’ve played it every day in over a year, i’m up to date with everything, i feel so much for it, but despite that i felt like i was keeping it mostly lowkey, like i wasnt /obsessed/

but this storyline ruined me. This storyline brought this lowkey obsession to highkey at full speed. 

And all of that bc i genuinely loved Hisoka before those truthbombs, that those made me love him even more, that Chikage became SO loveable and has been living in my mind rentfree ever since, and that the dynamic they touch is both too close from home while also being unrealistic (as in how they fixed their dynamic), but in a “fantasy i love to indulge in” kind of unrealistic and it is destroying me.

so yeah, A3 good, i can’t get over how GOOD the writing is, but also that fucking wrecked me. 

#i've been a mess for months now aaaaaa #ichatalks about a3 #ichapersonal #(i'm talking about some of my family issues under the cut so DLKFJDLFK that's why the warning anyway)

[waytoooutoftouch]

First date hcs with all the DEH kids? Let's do this

Okay, so these might not be very good, but just bear with me.

Putting them under a cut because THERE’S A LOT

Evan

-he wants to take you to a national park, or somewhere with a lot of trees, because those are some of the only places where he’s truly comfortable? but he doesn’t want you to think he’s a complete nerd/dork

-sooo he’s super stressed about where to take you, he googles “first date ideas”, “where to take her on the first date”, and he even asks his mom for advice

-Heidi of course is like “!!!” and immediately helps him come up with several places.

-Eventually they decide that he’ll take you to a family-owned diner that’s kind of out of the way? so they know it won’t be too crowded because crowds and social anxiety don’t mix

-he picks you up and he’s just like “wow, she’s pretty”, like he’s completely stunned because you’re dressed up a little more than usual, and you did your hair a new way and he doesn’t realize he’s staring until you ask if he’s okay

-he immediately blushes and nods

-the date itself is a little awkward but still really nice

-the only other people in the diner other than the cooks/servers are this cute old couple, so there’s little to no pressure

-and you split a milkshake, they bring it with two straws, and it’s literally the cutest thing ever

-you can tell he’s super anxious in the beginning because he won’t hold eye contact with you for more than a few seconds and he keeps fidgeting

-but you’re super patient and he eventually becomes more comfortable

-by the end, you guys are laughing together and oh wow he looks so cute when he’s laughing??? Like his nose scrunches up and he looks down slightly and you’re just “oh my god I need to make this boy laugh more often.”

-in the end you both have a lot of fun and agree to a second date

-when he drops you off, you lean over and kiss him on the cheek and I swear his brain short circuits

-but then you’re about to go and he gathers his courage and goes “wait!”

-you pause and look over at him

-and he leans over and very very gently kisses you on the cheek

-And you’re. So. Shook.

Jared

-this meme takes you to an arcade

-it’s absolutely wild

-like you’re surrounded by kids half your age, and he’s up at the token machine with them buying $20 worth of tokens and you’re just staring at him like “who are you?”

-but it’s actually really really fun?

-he makes you play guitar hero against him, and you’re reluctant, and he acts super cocky, like “I’ll even let you pick the song, and I’ll go easy”

-except you actually beat him

-and his jaw just drops when he sees your score against his

-he’s?? so?? impressed??

-like obviously he had an interest in you because he asked you out but now he’s like “holy shit this one’s a keeper”

-and you teased him the rest of the night about beating him.

-but he redeemed himself with skee-ball

-sort of

-okay, so you know how you’re supposed to roll the ball underhand and it rolls up and lands in the hole?

-he just straight up throws the ball in the 1000 point hole

-like a baseball pitcher or something

-and you’re like “jAReD you can’t DO THAT”

-because all these seven-year-olds are staring at him

-but he ends up with a bunch of tickets

-you guys also play air hockey

-and it’s pretty evenly matched until near the end, when Jared gets a one point ahead of you

-and he’s so confident that he’ll win, and then you look up and wink suggestively at him and he’s like “woah” and then you score while he’s distracted!

-it ends with a tie

-he’s honestly so salty about it tho, and he keeps saying you cheated

-and you’re like “I play to win.”

-by the time you guys run out of tokens, you actually have a decent amount of tickets? so you go up to the redemption counter

-and he wants to get a bunch of cheap candy but you fall in love with this little stuffed animal behind the counter

-he pretends to be annoyed, like he’s giving in, when he asks the person for it and they hand it to you, but he just thinks it’s adorable

-up close, you can’t really tell what kind of animal it is, because it’s kind of lopsided? and has horns? and is missing an eye?

-Jared can’t stop laughing at it

-but it’s really soft and you insist on Jared keeping it in his car

-he does it for you

-on the next date, you’re surprised to see it in his cupholder

-and he’s just got this shit-eating grin when you look at him, and you insist that he’s a softie

-he’ll deny it until the day he dies but you know the truth ;)

Connor

-when you’re talking about what you’ll do, he’s kinda quiet, and can’t really think of anything

-because he finally has a shot at this person he’s been crushing on and he doesn’t want to mess it up

-so when you propose a movie, he agrees and then you tell him that you’ll surprise him, that you’ll give him the time and all he has to do is just pick you up

-of course, he thinks that you’re going to pick a rom-com or something like that

-and he’s mentally preparing himself for it when he picks you up

-but honestly, he wouldn’t even mind that much? because he gets to spend time with you, and that’s worth a shitty rom-com

-ANYWAYS, when you guys go into the movie theater, you walk straight up to the counter and ask for two Spider-Man Homecoming tickets

-and he looks up so fast

-he’s honestly s h o o k

-because he used to love comic books when he was younger, and Spider-Man was his favorite (I stole this detail from the cut song A Little Bit of Light)

-you actually knew this, because you had talked to Zoe when she found out you had a crush on him

-“so, I heard you were Spider-Man for Halloween?”

-“… I need to have a talk with my sister.”

-honestly though he’s so surprised because that’s the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for him in a long time? he tries to act all cool about it, but you can tell he’s excited

-the movie is so good, you laugh at all the funny parts, and he laughs too but is mostly distracted by how cute you are

-and then he catches himself, and he’s just “why am I acting like a cliche smitten teenager?”

-THEN you laugh again, and he’s just “oh”

-the date means a lot to him because for the longest time, he thought he was damaged goods, and that he would never be good enough for anyone to date him

-and then you came along

-I mean obviously you aren’t going to solve his problems

-but he thinks that maybe if you can believe in him, then he can work on believing in himself

-when you guys are leaving the movie theater, you’re talking about how good the movie was, and before you know it, you’re next to his car

-then he just

-he hugs you

-and your heart flutters

-you hug him back

-and you hear a soft “thank you” in your ear before he lets go

-shoot now I want to write a second date headcanon for Connor

Zoe

-heard from someone that you like fishes? She’ll definitely take you to an aquarium.

-and will insist on paying the entrance fee, citing her rich parents as an excuse despite your protests

-at first you get stuck with a school group (“Who goes on a field trip on a Saturday? That’s a crime against humanity” “Zoe, they’re kids.”) but you two manage to break away from them.

-her favorites are the clownfish because of Finding Nemo

-from here, you learn that she likes Pixar movies, and that her favorite is WALL-E, but Finding Nemo is a close second.

-when you’re looking at the fish, she’ll take a step back and take a quick picture of you for her Snapstory, captioning it with “”

-it’s not until later, when you get home, that you see it, and it makes you blush madly

-when you’re walking to the next room, you two accidentally brush hands, and instinctively move them away

-but then you realize that you would absolutely love to hold hands with Zoe Murphy

-so a few minutes later, while she’s reading a display, you quickly reach out and lace her fingers with yours

-she looks away from the display, grins at you, and squeezes your hand and you swear your heat skips a beat.

-you insist on grabbing lunch at the aquarium’s cafe

-it’s delicious

-and you ask Zoe how jazz band is going, and she starts talking about this piece that she has a solo in, and her eyes light up, and it hits you that you’re talking to Zoe Murphy at an aquarium because you guys are on a DATE and she’s just so enthusiastic and just looks so pretty talking about music and wow you’re completely smitten with this girl

-you both buy matching baseball caps at the gift shop afterwards (I’m not gonna lie, this is based off of the pictures I’ve seen of Laura Dreyfuss wearing a baseball cap because DAMN)

-on the way home, you both sing along to the radio

-you’re at a red light when you notice her looking at you

-“What?”

-she just grins again

-“thanks for the date”

-when she drops you at your house, you lean over the console awkwardly and hug her, and she hugs you back and it’s great

-you whisper to her “I get to plan the second date,” before you move back, and you swear she’s blushing?

Alana

-God, I love Alana

-okay, so this girl does not do things halfway, so she would love to take you out to a nice dinner

-BUT she remembers she’s busy volunteering all day that Saturday (the day that you offered)

-she feels really really bad when she tells you, and wants to apologize

-but you’re literally just “can I come with?”

-and her heart goes “!!!”

-and she’s just like “yeah, of course!” and gives you the time and date

-you show up (it’s a food drive for the local soup kitchen) and Alana immediately runs over to you, and you’re stunned because she’s dressed in the most casual clothes you’ve ever seen her in (a t-shirt with your school’s name on it and jeans) and she’s so so happy to see you?

-honestly part of her thought you wouldn’t come bc who would want to do volunteer work on the first date

-but then you showed up!

-wow you guys are so smitten for each other

-but she puts you in charge of organizing the food as she and a few others bring it in from the collection tables

-you do that for a while, and then one of the other volunteers leave, so you go up front and help her

-and you guys have little conversations whenever you can about the most random things

-it’s not the most conventional first date but wow is it cute or what

-honestly you’re literally standing there talking and one of the underclassmen yells out “get a room!”

-and the others laugh a little bit but it’s not in a mean way? It’s just that everyone there can see how into each other you are

-and Alana honestly just turns bright red

-you don’t hesitate of course

-you grab her hand and drag her into the hallway, to an abandoned classroom

-she’s laughing at this point

-still though, she says that you guys have to go back

-you shrug, say “they can live without you for a few minutes”

-you guys talk here, a real conversation, and it’s great and by the time you go back, you’re convinced that you’ve completely fallen for this girl

-Alana thanks you for coming afterwards, and insists on taking out to a really nice restaurant for the second date

-you, of course, agree

-–

OKAY I hope these weren’t too bad, I’m sorry if they were :/ but I had fun writing them

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen headcanons #deh #evan hansen #jared kleinman #connor murphy #zoe murphy #alana beck

[sabertoothcattery]

The Boneyard

This is long and it is sad but I need to tell someone.

I woke up from nightmares to find it had rained last night and the snow was mostly gone. Today was my last chance to go in the woods before I go back to school so I suited up and went out. I walked along for a while in good spirits, finding nothing (except an occupied, smelly skunk den) and practicing tree ID. I found a deer trail and followed it around for a little while and suddenly I was standing on a pile of big black feathers. Some were over a foot long and they had the classic silvering underneath of vulture feathers. There weren’t a lot and there were no bones or blood or leavings, so I figured it probably got in a scuffle with something and flew off minus some feathers. I’ve seen that happen before.

I kept going and maybe half an hour later got down to the old cow pastures. There’s a lot of old wire on the ground there so I was watching my feet carefully and lo and behold. I found another, bigger and more spread out, clump of lost feathers. Some had meat on them still. No skeleton, no sign that anything had been feeding, etc. But I kinda figured this vulture hadn’t gotten out of its predicament. I felt really bad about that so I left the pasture area.

I went back down to the stream to check around the place I found the back half of a deer skeleton last year, and I found not only left behind vertebrae from that but a whole other deer. It was trapped among a bunch of rocks on the bank. I could see clear through its ribs, there were no organs or meat left on that side. The other side was fully furred and so was the head except the underside. It was a precarious position for me so I hauled it out to some flatter, drier land. I had to cut its head off to move it because it was trapped between some rocks. It had been frozen probably, and the blood had kind of mixed/congealed with snow to form a sort of “blood slushie.” What meat was left actually... looked edible.... so I think it was a winter casualty of the recent snowfall and freeze. Its head, like I said, was messed up so I didn’t mess with it too much bc brains are nasty, so I’m not sure if it was male or female. I left it for the spring to decompose and decided to call it Frosty.

I moved on and decided to go down to Vulture’s Fall, which is the place where I once found a vulture’s wing and sternum. I was told about this bit of woods by my uncle who said that’s where the vultures roost, and I had never questioned that because of the feathers and the tons of bones I’ve found there. That’s where I found Wing/Brains last year. 

At the entrance was a single vulture’s primary. Huge long thing. It felt like a sign of some sort but there were no skeletons in easy viewing so I poked around a bit investigating the decades’ worth of trash people have dumped there. Then I found another pile of feathers. Long and black. Bird poop on some of them. A few feet from that, another pile, older, and a sternum. Past that I saw what looked to be a pile of snow, but it was out of place in an area where the snow had been rained away so I went to check it out. A pile of paler, downy feathers, in that perfect circle a cat makes with its kill. Now I was a little suspicious, like, hey, maybe there’s a den of something here, I don’t want to bother it. But also like, what cat will take a vulture? We have feral cats, but I don’t know if they would, and there hasn’t been a bobcat sighted here since the 80s (it’s been in the family since the 50s so I count that reliable).

I was at the base of a hill now. I looked up and saw what was probably a bone so I went toward it. It was another big sternum, similar in size to the other and the one I found here before. Behind a bush, more feathers. 

And all the way up the hill it went like this. Clumps of feathers, snapped bones, even a pelvis. I found another wing, all together like the one I found last year. And I started getting scared, like, how many birds was this? Would a cat do this? Was it something that had kits nearby and felt threatened by all the birds that roost here? What can take down a vulture?

Then I found some non-bird bones. A little vertebrae and a pelvis snapped in half - a fawn from the size. I grabbed them up, thankful beyond words to find something that wasn’t dead vultures, and then I looked up the hill again and I knew. I knew what took down vultures. It was an old deer stand, and all around the base, a veritable boneyard. Three disembodied skulls, a half-rotted deer skeleton, another one down to bones, one that looked like it had been there for years, and one that looked fresh, skinned out but it wasn’t blackened or rotted yet, still some blood around. Its head was separated and lay near the half-rotted one. 

And all through this, piles and piles and piles of black feathers. Just absolutely covering the ground all around these skeletons. I dropped the bones in my hands and went down to the ground, just in shock. 

I realized I was just a little ways into the neighbor’s land, literally right on the edge of the boundary, but I could see the house and I was suddenly terrified I’d be seen and maybe shot at for finding this, so I retreated back. I grabbed the skulls with no bodies, they were green and sort of soggy and I figured they wouldn’t be missed and, like me, needed to be out of this place.

I ran all the way back to the entrance from our fields, skulls clutched to my chest, past all these piles of feathers. Panicking. Trying not to cry. I got back to “safety” and just fell to the ground and sobbed. First just because of the birds, all those birds, some probably crows and therefore legal to take, but the others so big and so clearly vultures and who could do that my neighbor could do that, and then because I looked at the skulls and saw they had full or nearly full sets of milk teeth, they were all fawns or yearlings and my neighbor with his ugly house and his loose dogs did that too.

I picked them up and took them home and took a hot shower and a nap and I’ve been in a funk all the rest of the day. It’s not the dump site that got to me, I’ve seen some before and while they’re eerie they’re not inherently terrifying. But the birds. All those birds. What reason is there to shoot vultures except that they’re big and scary-looking? I’ve heard people say it before, that they’d shoot them just because they’re “dirty” and “gross.” Because they’re scared of them. 

And I realized later that all the bones I’d found before weren’t from roosts. They were washed down the slope from the boneyard. The vultures don’t live there. They die there. 

I sat on the ground and cried and cried and cursed the people who live there. I haven’t cried like that since my cats died. Big hot grief tears. This wasn’t just death. It was a tragedy. When summer comes and there’s more cover I’m going to go back and take the others, and if I ever meet that man and his stupid dogs I don’t know what I’ll do. We don’t know him and I don’t have much to lose.

The deer I brought back are called Feather, Ring, and Valkyrie. Two does, and a male that may have had antlers but had all his milk teeth.

#my finds #vulture culture