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total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel · 1 month

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As a young tomboy who was so insecure as to “why couldn’t I be feminine like the other women around me? Is there something wrong with me for not liking makeup or being GNC?”, seeing Jo helped me so fucking much with embracing my gender nonconformity as a girl. And seeing another woman who struggled with hard internalized misogyny and hated being told she looked like a man or was a man because of how she looked, it really made me feel seen and helped me get over my own insecurities. I was struggling so bad for a while that I thought because I wasn’t girly or feminine that that must’ve been I was a boy this whole time. And then just seeing Jo and how butchy and tomboyish she was allowed to be while still having body issues and struggling to fit in with the women around her really helped me so damn much to get over my own insecurities, and I feel so much fucking better just calling myself a tomboy and allowing myself to “look like a man” without that making me one. And it made me feel so much more comfortable wearing clothes that made me feel more comfortable, which happened to masculine, because there’s no way a woman is supposed to dress. And if I don’t want to wear dresses or skirts or wear makeup, that didn’t make me a man. Jo was a really really important character for me to see growing up as a young tomboy, and she’s still important to me even if that sounds dumb.

This is just to me but seeing anyone call her a trans man or transcoded seems like such a kick in the ass and misses the entire point of her character. She’s a masculine woman who’s insecure about the fact that she’s not feminine. She doesn’t want to be feminine but she does want to feel pretty because so many woman are conditioned to think that male validation is the end all be all. That scene where she put on the makeup in ep6 was suchhh a thing. And her insecurities over having body hair (and probably facial hair too) was so fucking relatable to see. She was a tomboy in a cast full of girls who were all feminine and she resents other women for being feminine because she’s projecting her own insecurities onto the women around her. Jo has terrible internalized misogyny. And seeing anyone say that’s gender dysphoria or that she’s transcoded because of it is sooo… it seems like it’s in poor taste. “Tomboy in denial phase” leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The way she does or does not want to dress doesn’t make her any less or a girl or any more of one. The doesn’t want to be misgendered by Lightning because it makes her insecurities about her femininity and how she looks so much worse. Nobody needs to be reminded she’s a girl BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS SHE IS ONE. If anything, if she were a trans boy, wouldn’t that be validating all her misogyny? She’d go from a girl struggling with beauty standards and her femininity to just another misogynistic guy. Making her a trans boy would make her go from the GNC woman she is to a gender conforming man. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing. Jo is probably one of the most masculine women TD’s ever had and I think she’s an important character. She’s defiantly an important character to me since I had zero butches or tomboys to look up to in my life and it made me feel so othered.

This rant got a little personal but yeah. I just think the trans man jo headcanon is in poor taste. It makes her go from a highly GNC woman to a highly gender conforming man and it feelsss weird. Esp considering the gender imbalance in ROTI in the first place and making her a man makes it 5 girls and 8 guys. Yuckkk and we don’t need anymore guys!! But at the end of the day I don’t like to get too butthurt about it. It’s not canon and it’s the only trans headcanon I rlly dislike tbh. Umm anyway yeah!!! I love butches and tomboys and GNC woman and I love women!! Jo is one of the best representations of GNC women who still have their insecurities and I love her for that. I love Jo and tbh she’s probably the only TD character I actually care about. This was cheesy but yeah. This blog might have a problem with long rants about Jo but I’m gonna contribute to this problem anyway because she should be talked about more

#long post #total drama #jo td

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cowboyjen68 · 4 months

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Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

#butch #lesbian #family #unwanted opinions of family

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elryuse · 1 year

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RULES & MASTER LIST

Rules

All the stuff that I write is 18+ So there will be NSFW, Smut, Blood, Suicide, And many more things.

I will only be writing NSFW for an idol who is 18+, So No Minor.

You Can Request a fic, By giving me the Idols name and the scenario. Or by simply pressing the request button.

If you don't like or enjoy this page, then feel free to leave :)

Stories (Long)

Tomboy ( Yandere (G)I-Dle X Male Reader)

Tomboy Pt.1

Tomboy Pt.2

Tomboy Pt.3

Tomboy Pt.4

Tomboy Pt.5

Break Up ( IVE Yujin X Male Reader X Hyewon )

Break Up #1

Break Up #2

Break Up #3

Break Up #4

Aespa Short Holiday ( Aespa X Male Reader )

Aespa Short Holiday #1

ISLAND (ITZY X MALE READER) [SMUT)]

Pt1 Chaeryeong

Short Yandere Stories

Joy To My World ( Pyscho Joy X Neutral Reader )

Red Birthday ( Yandere Irene X Male Reader)

Cynical ( Yandere Ryujin X Male Reader)

The Beach Bitch in Bali ( Yandere Ahin X Male Reader )

Mother ( Yandere Yoona X Male Reader )

Pain, Torture, Acceptance ( Yandeere Nana X Male Red Hood )

Hurt ( Yandere Jessica Jung X Male Reader )

Love is Weird isn't it? ( Yandete Seo Hyunjin X Male Reader )

Dangerous Game ( Yandere CL X Male Reader)

My Crazy Ex Gf Is Driving Me Insane (Sohee X Male Reader)

Thirst (Yandere Heejin X Male Reader)

Jealous. (Yandere Idol Gaeul X Childhood Male Reader)

Sadistic Lovers. (Yandere Asylum Patient Irene X Male Reader)

Don't Go. (Yandere Rosé X Male Reader)

CURSED FATE (Yandere Minju X Male Reader ) [SMUT]

ISOLATED (Yandere Sana X Male Reader)

DESIRE TO LOVE (Yandere Lisa X Male Reader)

REMEMBRANCE (Yandere Ex Wife Chaewon X Male Reader)

PRAY AND WORSHIP (Yandere Yoona X Male Reader) [SMUT]

Forbidden Boundaries (Yandere Stepsister Yeseo X Male Reader)

My Personal Butler (Yandere Princess Wonyoung X Male Butler Reader)

Forbidden Desire (Yandere Older Sister Cheng Xiao X Male Younger Brother Reader)

Caught In The Spider's Trap (Yandere Sub Karina X Male Reader)

!Total Submission! (Yandere Dom Jihyo X Male Reader)

The Dark Descent Into Madness (Yandere Stepsister J X Male Younger Stepbrother Reader) [Slight SMUT]

Manager Oppa Is Mine (Yandere Rei X Male Manager Reader)

Cold Skin (Yandere Mina X Male Reader)

Slave 4 Life (Yandere Vampire Princess Giselle X Male Slave Reader)

Deadly Classmate (Yandere Classmate Takara X Male Reader)

Broken Wings (Yandere Younger Sister Kazuha X Male Older Brother Reader)

Devil In Disguise (Yandere Xiaoting X Male Reader)

A CEO Stole My Boyfriend (Yandere CEO Minji X Male Reader X Hanni)

The Predator Within (Yandere DOM FWB Haewon X Male Reader)

The Arranged Marriage (Yandere Winter X Male Reader)

Her Idol Crush (Yandere Yunjin X Male Reader)

My Savior (Yandere Rich Girl Karina X Male Reader)

The Devil Within Her (Yandere Eunbi X Male Reader)

My Obbsesive Female Mentor (Yandere Mentor Jiheon X Male Reader)

Our Perfectly Normal Lovely Relationship (Yandere Mina X Yandere Male Reader)

The Debt-Collector (Yandere Debt-Collector Ahin X Male Reader)

Ruined Photos (Yandere Hanni X Male Reader)

Yandere Pick Em

#1 ( IVE )

Yandere Yujin ( Based On IVE Pick Em )

#2 ( ITZY )

Other Oneshots

MANCHAEEE CUDDLESSS (Fluff)

Drunk Text (Karina)

Either Way (Yujin)

Either Way (Rei)

Either Way (Wonyoung)

The Scent of Jasmine Flowers (Wonyoung & Gaeul)

My Angel (Han So Hee X Male Reader)

Smutty Smut Smut

Waterbombed ( Eunbi )

Drowning In Lust ( Joy )

Car's Outside ( Kazuha )

Vacation ( Lisa )

A *Click* to Remember ( Eunbi )

Moonlit Seduction (Miyeon)

Impregnating My Roommate (Sohee)

Night's to Remember (Stripper Lisa)

Guilty Thorns (Cheating GF Lisa X Caring Rosé X Male Reader)

Summer Dip (Lisa X Antonia Porsild X Male Reader) [COMMISION]

Calming Down The Storm (Huh Yunjin X Male Reader)

Alcohol N Sex (Jennie X Male Reader)

I Chose..... (Yujin X Male Reader)

Step-Mother's Helping Hands (Stepmother Haseul X Stepson Reader)

My Angel (Han So Hee X Male Reader)

On Thy Knees (Queen Minnie X Male Reader)

Her Birthday Present (Ryujin X Male Reader) [BIRTHDAY SPECIAL]

Either Way (IVE)

Yujin

Rei

Wonyoung

Liz

Gaeul

Leeseo

Smut Pickem

Dahyun (Twice) VS Yunjin (Le Sserafim)

Calming Down The Storm (Huh Yunjin X Male Reader) [SMUT]

Karina (Aespa) Vs Winter (Aespa)

#smut #yandere #kpop x y/n #kpop x reader #itzy ryujin #blackpink #gidle #twice icons #twice #x male reader #momoland #le sserafim #ive starship

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missmisandrytabletalk · 2 months

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male gaze is so creepily condescending like to a point where my teen self has actually suffered from the body dysmorphia. i mean im not lying when i say i frickin loathed my breasts the instance i hit my puberty and which lasted for quite a few years of my adolescence period. the constant slouching to avoid getting overly sexualized each time i interacted with boys/men or strolled in public. being a curvy girl became the bane of my life. so i always had this weird urge to look like a guy.. or wished for my tits to at least perish into thin air or smthin lol. i mean i was a tomboy and i still am but let me clarify that my body dysmorphia didn't stem from any of this at all. i felt distraught witnessing middle aged men let alone boys my age exchange tempting glances with me cause as a minor none of that made sense to me. and oh ofc then being taken advantage of.. isn't that every girl's lore.

the limits these flesh thirsty porn addicts can go to is disgustingly incomprehensible. lowly midgets like them need to be put up in chains and their male genitalia amputated to be hung on the wall of shame. in this essay i will....

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jonathanthetranswriter · 2 years

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Why representation is important- a rant

So, as a kid, I constantly felt off. People would tell me that my name was "pretty" and it felt weird to me. I was put off by being called "daughter" or "little girl" or "princess" but I never could figure out why. My mom called me her little tomboy and that's what I assumed I was- a tomboy. I liked dressing up for important events (like picking up my brother from the airport), but that was it.

Getting older, but not by much, I started hating how I looked and felt. I cut my hair really short, much to the dismay of my mother. When I went to school the next day, people in class called me a boy- and I didn't see anything wrong or offensive about it.

It was sixth grade when I learned. This kid I barely tolerated, and only because we had been friends since kindergarten, told me they were pansexual and genderfluid. I asked them what they were talking about, and they opened up this whole world. I did so much research, and at first, I said I was a straight ally.

As I did more research, I began identifying as pansexual. I had noticed my attractions and started identifying accordingly- but something still bothered me. I thought this new identity would fix everything, yet it fixed nothing.

As I explored my attraction, I tried out different sexual and romantic labels, not quite grasping at the concept. It took me a while to say "hey, maybe its my gender" and exploring I went.

I tried demigirl, she/they, but that didn't feel right at all. I still hated my name, the word girl, and the pronouns she. I changed my name, started identifying as demigender, and used they/them. It felt better, but still not right. I simply could not figure it out.

I was extremely frustrated and dealing with things in my personal life. I was just so upset that I could not seem to find out my own goddamn gender. My friends all seemed so sure that they knew what they were that I felt like I couldn't trouble them with this.

I decided to begin going by he/they and identifying as a demiboy. It felt better, but still not right. I began to ask if I may be genderfluid or something, but being called a girl just never felt right to me. It was then I realized that I may just be a guy. Used he/him and it felt great, but surprise surprise, the name I came up with because of a meme wasn't doing it for me. It didn't feel as bad as my deadname, but still not right.

It wasn't until one night, I was up late texting my friend, when they said I looked like a Jonathan. I laughed it off and didn't really say anything about it until later. The name flooded my mind and I really wanted to be called it, so I hopped onto Stardew Valley and changed my character's name to Jonathan. Walking around and being called Jonathan just felt extremely right to me, so that's what I started putting everywhere.

Now, of course, while this gender crisis was going on, there was still the issue of my sexuality. It went from pansexual to lesbian to bisexual to abrosexual and just all over the place. For a while, I identified as omni, but that didn't fit quite right either, but neither did just "gay". So, I decided that, hey, sexuality is fluid and confusing, so I'll just say I'm queer.

It was only after coming out that I was recommended shows and books with LGBTQ+ content. The one show I did watch that had it, Steven Universe, was so subtle at the time that I didn't understand it until later. However, if I had known about shows like Dead End Paranormal Park, The Owl House, ect., figuring out all this stuff may have been so much easier.

So if you think these shows will turn your kid gay, please look past your prejudice. Everyone should question their identity at some point- whether it sticks or not doesn't matter. What does matter is that your kid feels comfortable in their own skin and doesn't have to spend their childhoods hating themself for feeling weird or wrong.

So yes, representation is important.

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zonaenthusiast · 3 months

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Which kpop group do I think suit every mugiwara the best? And would they be a boy group or a girl group stan?

This is because yesterday I had a specific revelation and I started thinking about it in general, so here are my ideas:

Luffy as Seventeen

Luffy has been one of the ones I've had to think about the most but then it occurred to me that he would really like Seventeen. They have a very fresh and fun concept in general that really suits Luffy and they are one of the very few groups that, despite being together for almost ten years, have never lost members. And that's even stranger considering there are so many of them. They love each other as much as the mugiwara love each other and Luffy would adore them (get it?) for that.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Zoro as The Boyz

For Zoro I have come up with several groups that could fit very well with him like Ateez or Stray Kids, but I have ended up opting for The Boyz because there is a very specific homoerotic component in their music that very few groups are able to replicate. The bisexual energy they give off reminds me too much of Zoro not to choose them.

Bg or gg stan? Both, but their concept has to be dark.

Nami as (G)I-DLE

This is the revelation I had after listening to Gidle's new song, Nami would fucking love them. Just pure female representation and empowerment. Gidle's last three comebacks (Tomboy/Nxde/Queencard) are three different representations of how a woman can express her femininity and all are valid (Nami in particular is so Queencard coded and Robin would be more Nxde coded, I think).

Bg or gg stan? I think she would like some bgs but she would be mostly a gg stan.

Usopp as EXO

NOW HEAR ME OUT because I know this one sounds weird, but I think Usopp would love Exo's storytelling. The clone lore? He would eat that shit up. Besides, I don't know why but I think Usopp wouldn't listen to just anything and Exo is one of the most talented groups there is, so...

I think Usopp would like groups that focus on storytelling or have very defined concepts, Vixx would be another option that I think fits him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Sanji as Girl's Generation

This one was also very clear to me. Sanji would listen to ggs exclusively and I feel that only the most iconic gg would be the right choice for him. He would be so Yoona biased. And he is one of those who would know her choreographies to perfection.

Bg or gg stan? As I said, gg stan exclusively.

Chopper as GFRIEND

My main pick for Chopper is Gfriend because the powerful innocence concept they are known for reminds me a lot of him. I think StayC or fromis_9 concepts also fit him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Robin as Red Velvet

I don't know how to explain this but if you know about Red Velvet concepts you know I'm right. There's something so unique and peculiar about their music that matches every part of Robin's taste and personality. Red Velvet are the epitome of one of my favorite kpop concepts, which I call cute but murderous. Just watch their Russian Roulette mv and you will understand.

Robin would write a fucking essay on why everyone is wrong and Zimzalabim is actually the best kpop song ever.

Bg or gg stan? Both, as long as their music is the strangest succession of sounds you've ever heard in your life.

Franky as Monsta X

Just himbos, I don't have anything else to say.

Bg or gg stan? I think he would tend to listen to bgs a little bit more, but both regardless.

Brook as Dreamcatcher

Oh, I just know Brook would love Dreamcatcher. Women? Check. Rock style? Check. Horror concept? Check. They are perfect for him, it makes so much sense.

Bg or gg stan? Not as exclusively as Sanji because music is music, but gg stan.

Jinbe as MAMAMOO

Jinbe would love every Mamamoo member's unhinged personality as much as he loves Luffy's. He would have so much fun with them and their concepts and their music, it's a strong feeling I have.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

#one piece #mugiwaras as kpop groups #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #usopp #sanji #chopper #nico robin #franky #brook #jinbe

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bananonbinary · 1 year

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like a week ago my sister said when she thought i couldn't hear that her kids "know sky's a girl but they also know sky's uncomfortable with it."

and like. there's a lot of layers to why that pissed me off, not the least of which is that she felt the need to bring her literal infant children into this and train them to think that i'm weird and Other, but it really snagged on me in a way i couldn't quite articulate until today.

I am not uncomfortable with myself. i have never been uncomfortable with myself. how dare you imply this is some internal self-loathing issue.

I have spent my whole life simply being, and having people around me impose expectations on me because of it. When i was a child, i loved wearing dresses. I stopped around age 10, when "haha fun swirly skirt" turned into "sit up straight, don't get your clothes dirty, act more ladylike." Then I was fine being a tomboy, until again, i was chastised for how I moved (autistic), how my body sat (had body fat), how i spoke (bluntly), what my face did ("resting bitch face").

So yes. Now, I hate these words. Now, certain aspects of my own body make me uncomfortable, because I can only see how others have treated me because of it. I don't want to be called a "lady" or "miss." I yearn to wear dresses again, but only in a way that definitely signals to others that I am gender noncomforming. Now, if I'd been raised differently, I don't think I'd straight-up "be a girl;" in all likelihood what feels right for me would've still landed somewhere nonbinary, but I might not have minded describing myself with terms like "butch lesbian."

I wouldn't have had these things I like stolen from me. And you wouldn't have the audacity to judge me for not wanting anything to do with the things you forced onto me.

#gender shit /#i know this is not the Universal Trans Experience #my gender has been consistent throughout my life #but the words i use to describe it have changed because the ones i WAS using were taken from me #and the people who took them and destroyed them #are the SAME PEOPLE sneering at me using new words now #my dad is pissy i dont answer to my birth name #sir i wouldnt have needed to change it if not for you

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starfxkr · 1 month

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no i understand u about femininity like i was raised by a single mom so you would think i would be on the inside, but she immigrated here from el salvador when she was 15 and never stopped working since. it's understandable why she didn't really teach me how to be "feminine" whatever that means. i taught myself how to wear makeup and paint my nails and do things "girls" do. i also grew up with 2 older brothers so i never really got to be a princess, i was practically a little boy for the first few years of life. i can understand that feeling of being on the outside of femininity. like in middle school too all the girls i wanted to be friends with let me hang around but i was always on the outside, a couple steps behind trying to understand the joke (like 70% sure i'm on the spectrum but thats a different conversation). i'm very fortunate now to have many girl friends who help me redefine femininity everyday. i still feel bad sometimes bc ik i'm never gonna be the girl who wears mini skirts and heels everyday, but i'm working on my definition of femininity bc it's subjective like love (however i do wish sometimes i was just programmed to be hyperfem it would make this shit a LOT easier). on a related note, my kitty!reader moodboard is mostly her serving chicana cunt like she dresses like a fly adam sandler and her face is beat and she has on all her gold jewelry. bc she's just a girl and wants to be comfortable AND cute when she's running from the cops.

this was a lot but JUST KNOW YOU ARE A GIRLS GIRL IN MY BOOK MOON!!!

-a girl who might not be called a girls girl

see u get it...I have lots of complex feelings about it ive been in a subculture thats considered THEE hyperfeminine subculture since I was 11 but it's changed so much to the point its unrecognizable and I sometimes feel unwelcome in a subculture that I was now of the ogs of its so strange....

and lots of my feelings about it rlly stem from my mom being a tomboy growing up so I had to teach myself and then im black so thats another layer of not feeling feminine enough AND THEN like while I appreciate the girly pink hyperfem look it just does not appeal to me in my personal life? I think thats why I relate kitten and foxy the most as someone who's a pretty rough/vulgar girl and ive always been weird so it's like....would love to be a cute bunny girl but cursed to be a weird kitten girl....like I feel like my personality isn't all nice and sweet and its like hm is that a failure of myself or a failure of those who have made me feel less that because of it

like all of these are from the Pinterest board and its like yea! this is how I view myself and its feminine to me ....but I know it's hard dealing w the cognitive dissonance

but anyways I say all this to say ty for getting what I meant I was so tired and I felt like I wasn't conveying myself properly

#✨.txt #dulc3vida

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possibilistfanfiction · 11 months

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Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

#got a lot of big feelings abt this right before therapy i guess lmfao

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sirensskai · 2 months

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My Ripp Grunt headcanons

It was about time I put them all in one place because as you can tell I’m obsessed with him and have a lot😭 Some of them might make no sense whatsoever or sound weird or are probably me just projecting but who cares lol. If I forget any or think of more I’ll add them later. Also it’s going to be really long…

Anyway… “So Kai, how much do you like Ripp???”

Me:

Birthday

I have come up with a birthday for Ripp. December 13, 1988. (Yes I know December 13 is the same date as Taylor Swift lol.) He is a Sagittarius (that’s canon but that’s why I picked that birthday). I see sims 2 Strangetown as starting in 2005 and he was age 16-17 back then. He’s a year and several months younger than Tank and 4 years older than Buck.

Height

Kind of short for a guy, about 5.5. Tank and Johnny are significantly taller and he hates it.

Identity

He is bisexual and transmasculine. Maybe non binary too, specifically a non binary man (like a demiboy or something.)

Ripp has always been attracted to all genders. He doesn’t really care about that (can fit pansexual too.) He is open to seeing multiple people at once so is polyamorous too. Which can be one way of explaining the romance aspiration. And yes, he has a crush on both Ophelia and Johnny.

He is transgender and knew something was up from an early age. Like a lot of transmasc people he went down the “tomboy” to trans pipeline. He didn’t fully realise what being trans meant and that that was what he was until he was about 14 though. Ripp chose his name himself, idc. He thought it was cool.

Johnny and Ophelia were very supportive of him being trans. He had them at school when the bullies found something new to pick on. As was his mum Lyla who he is very close to. Buck didn’t fully understand at first because of being really young but is still very supportive. (Also Buck ended up becoming Rebecca and is transfem herself but that’s another character headcanon lol) Lyla helped him start HRT.

General Buzz though… I don’t see General Buzz as entirely transphobic. I think he’s the kind of person to prefer having sons, but is still weird about Ripp being trans. He is kind of against it at first but gets used to it. He would also want Ripp to be a man in the “right” way (based on a Tumblr post I saw.) He messes up pronouns sometimes but at least tries. He still thinks Ripp is a fucking lazy ass disappointment overall though 😭 “yeah you are trans or bi, whatever, but you are still my worst son ever.” I think he would be more concerned if any guy Ripp dated was an alien over the fact they were a guy (oops, he already has a crush on Johnny Smith.) General Buzz’s conflicting views about Ripp with Lyla also contributed to those two’s strained relationship. He sees a lot of Lyla in Ripp, in both appearance and personality and he hates being reminded of her.

Tank was in a similar position of getting used to it over time. Didn’t mean he stopped wanting to beat his ass all the time though. He had some internalised stuff he had to deal with himself though (being his own person with his own wishes and also, gay.)

Ripp took Lyla disappearing very hard, especially since she was the one helping with his transition. He was on his own. Things got complicated because General Buzz was still kind of unsupportive. Ripp snuck out for several days to get top surgery by himself and General Buzz was very angry about that.

Personality

He’s a very sweet person overall. He’s friendly with almost everyone and hates conflict, but if he is confronted he loves taking the piss out of them. He’s very positive most of the time despite his terrible life. Very talkative and can go on and on. Tries to make a joke and lighten the mood with just about everything, including himself, even if he does go too far sometimes (which he instantly feels bad about if he makes someone sad.) Definitely swears a lot which his father hates, but he loves annoying his father.

Relationships

I don’t think he has a bad relationship with his father and Tank forever. They make up at one point and maybe they don’t become really close but they at least get along somewhat again (no horrible PSP ending in my sims game.)

He was very close with Lyla, probably the most out of all three of Lyla’s sons so he was devastated when she left, and even more so when he found out she died. One of the few supportive people in his life and she was gone.

Him and Buck (or Rebecca later) are very close due to them both having a strained relationship with General Buzz. Rebecca looks up to Ripp a lot. Also they end up both being transgender which they make a joke out of later. “I can’t believe we’re both Grunts and trans.)

He’s been friends with Ophelia and Johnny since middle school. He hangs out with them a lot and prefers being with them to being at home. He loves being an idiot with Johnny but is sweet with Ophelia. He fell in love with Ophelia first then Johnny.

He met Lilith after she also ran away from home. The two became close because of that. They love poking fun at each other. He’s afraid Lilith will make fun of him if he tells her he likes her (but Lilith likes him too.)

Self insert time, he’s really sweet around Lana. Ripp talks a lot and Lana barely talks at all due to their extreme shyness but he doesn’t mind. He cares for them a lot. He is the most calm and gentle to them and loves listening to them ramble about their interests. He might want to marry her.

Music Career

Ripp was always interested in music, mostly rock music but he is open to other genres as well. I see him as being very into Nirvana. He started playing guitar at school with Johnny Smith, covering their favourite songs. Lyla got him own guitar, and he also started writing his own songs, uploading them to MySpace or something.

At one point he runs away from home and gets a trailer for himself. Away from his father, he has a lot more freedom to do what he wants with his life. He’s still working at the gas station and going to a lot of music labels and he eventually gets signed to one. He has his first major song released through them.

Ripp is the lead singer and guitarist in a band as well as a soloist, with Johnny Smith, Lilith Pleasant and Mercutio Monty, the last two he meets and befriends at one point. (Idk what to name this band yet lol.) Johnny also plays guitar, Lilith is the bassist and Mercutio plays the drums.

His music style is very diverse. And I’m also going to base them off Lana Del Rey albums and songs because why not. His very early work is very acoustic. The first ep and debut album he releases has influences of grunge, surf rock and psychedelic rock. A lot of guitar sounds. And whatever sounds come out of AKA Lizzy Grant.

He goes through some tough things in life which is why he takes a break between his debut and his second album. The sound of this album is quite different. Still guitar heavy but also very slowed, dark and psychedelic. Probably some of his most depressing songs ever. Definitely has a song calling out General Buzz. His Ultraviolence era. It’s a little bit of a concept album too, there’s some sort of storyline throughout. He wears black eyeliner on stage.

The next album is experimental, a little bit of the style of his first album back with the guitar but also some trap beats in there. If I could describe it in a Lana Del Rey song it would be Freak Like Me Demo. Also the most horny album. Bisexual anthem in there though.

The latest album I’ve imagined for Ripp (idk why I’ve imagined all these albums for a sims 2 premade, please help) he explores pop. Lust for Life era (I’m still drawing that, I have a vision.) It’s a lot more uplifting than his previous work and it changes the world. Also somewhat of a horny album too. He dies the ends of his hair purple.

Ripp moves to Del Sol Valley at one point when he becomes a celebrity and gets a house in the pinnacles.

He is definitely very popular in terms of being attractive. There are people making thirst TikToks of him and writing self insert fanfiction and everything. (Couldn’t be me. /s) Some fans are really obsessed with him. To the point they would leak his unreleased music and post it everywhere which is unfortunate but some of them are so good (I’m writing a fic based on this.)

He also does campaigns and advertisements and things as part of being a celebrity, there’s a billboard or magazine cover somewhere where he’s modelling underwear 🙏 And he also hopes it annoys his dad if he sees it and recognises his face lol

His social medias would be hilarious and he would also own terrible people.

Other random hcs

I think Ripp was an unplanned child. Lyla was happy to have him but General Buzz not so much, he kind of hated Ripp from day 1.

He was a “problem child” at least in General Buzz’s eyes and also the schools he went to where he had behaviour issues and struggled to focus. His dad made him see a psychologist. He’s autistic (or aspergers back in the late 90s-early 2000s, also I don’t think General Buzz is the most up to date) and has ADHD. I don’t think this helped with General Buzz already seeing him as a disappointment. Ripp gets really fixated on music (both certain artists and creating it) or certain tv shows or very unconventional things that are kind of uncomfortable for some people. Like literally just the subject of woohoo interests him and he wants to know everything about it lol. I think he fixates on philosophical stuff too like death and the purpose of life (another thing that can lead to some uncomfortable conversations.) Very unlike the stereotype of autism because he’s really outgoing and social too, but it is a spectrum.

I think he shows a lot of affection through touch.

Really dark hc but… 😭 Although he pretends it doesn’t, I think the terrible relationship he has with General Buzz and Tank, as well as Lyla disappearing and dying did really affect him. Has depression and some self esteem and emotional issues and fears abandonment. He has considered *unaliving* before. Also a weird relationship with food. Although he has max interest in food, and he eats a lot of food (but mostly junk food) he grew up with the pressure to remain thin. The dark period of his life between his first two albums involved that and he may have abused substances too. I’m a terrible person, I’m sorry 😭. The romance sim part of him might have spawned from craving the love he didn’t get at home. He feels undeserving of a real relationship but deep down that’s what he actually wants.

I am sorry to him for giving him all these traumatising hcs but I can’t help myself. He was bullied in his school years 🥲 The psp secret of him being afraid of toilets from “one too many swirlies as a child” is to do with this. Tank was involved too maybe, but I don’t believe it was all down to him and he’s a terrible person. With the trans headcanon, I think he was picked on by both boys and girls. Girls didn’t like him for being “weird” and boys would go out of their way to hurt him for trying to fit in with them.

Due to General Buzz being in the millitary, he travelled to a lot of places and moved around a lot prior to going back to middle school in Strangetown. I think he would become interested in different cultures and pick up some words of different languages. He lived in Tomerang at one point.

Ripp is kind of feminine. He isn’t afraid to like “feminine” things and he loves jewellery and painting his nails.

He has a brow piercing and a septum.

He gets a sleeve tattoo.

Has rarely ever cut his hair in his life, he lets it grow really long and he doesn’t care. He would hate for all of his hair to just be chopped off (and that’s also what his father wants)

Smokes, both cigarettes and weed. Tries to stop smoking the cigarettes later on though. Him, Johnny and Ophelia get stoned together and sometimes Lana if she’s willing.

He’s quite arty (his canonical one true hobby is set to arts and crafts.) Spends a lot of his time drawing anything from animals to horny “anatomy” pictures because why not. He takes art when he attends college.

Ripp is a great father. Idc about that romance aspiration, just because he has that doesn’t mean he’s a deadbeat father 😭 Like I’ve said before, that sounds like Don Lothario but not Ripp. His nice points are too high for that. Also being like his own dad would be the last thing he wants to be. He really cares for any kids he has, and the people pregnant with the kids. He would be a really fun dad, maybe a little permissive. Basically the opposite of General Buzz (and also how I think Lyla was.) He also cares for people in general instead of just wanting woohoo out of them.

Ripp is left handed. Sims 4 actually set him up as left handed for me lol. Left handed guitars are unavailable to him to start with so he’s forced to learn right handed 😰 But later on he gets a left handed guitar and plays amazing.

He has a tooth gap.

Cat person. General Buzz, Tank and Rebecca are all drawn to dogs but Ripp is the only cat lover 😭 He gets a havana or a maine coon (or both.)

I think Ripp fits the pleasure aspiration more than the romance aspiration to be honest. An aspiration that involves some romance but also not being a total sleaze and wanting to relax and have fun sounds more like him. It fits Lyla too (another reason why they were so close is that they had very similar personalities.) Another aspiration that fits is popularity, he’s just a very friendly person who loves making friends.

Songs that remind me of Ripp:

#sims 2 #ts2 #Ripp grunt #I hope you enjoy this entire essays worth of headcanons #I’m literally insane about him #my headcanons #Ripp Grunt autism at it again #SoundCloud

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cowboyjen68 · 1 year

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hi jen! a while ago i started iding as a butch lesbian (tho i've known i was a lesbian most of my life) and i feel like its the closest thing ive gotten to feeling myself. but i always have a nagging feeling that im "not butch" enough since i was pretty feminine for a couple years before (but i was a tomboy when i was young), and im really scrawny and short compared to most butches i see.. im 17 so i know theres time, i just want to know if im not alone on this, or if you have advice in general!

I am not a big fan of the "butch enough" scale. It is one thing to joke among lesbians about a friend being "more butch" or the Alpha butch but jokes aside, in my opinion, we are either butch or we are not. Body size, abilities and strength don't really have anything to do with it. I am 5'3 at 140 lbs, so not very big myself.

At 17 I was working out a lot for volleyball and was working a manual labor job as well as mowing and helping Dad around the acreage but I was still pretty small. Before I hit puberty I was very skinny and short. Dad said we would "have to tie my legs in a knot to know where my knees were".

Being butch, to me, is more of an energy. The space we occupy coupled with the impressions of others as a secondary indicator. We don't fit the normal energy of a woman so people automatically assume "Man" instead of a masculine woman.

There is not shame nor harm in trying it out. If it doesn't fit someday, you can switch it up. Just don't get "I'm Butch" tattooed on your arm and you will be none the worse for wear if butch isn't a long term fit for you.

I definitley attempted to be more feminine breifly in high school, most to fit in and please my mom but i was so awkward I think it acutally made others feel as uncomfortable as I was going against my grain. I settled on gender neutral 1980's clothes like sweatshirts and jeans. Putting on a dress, getting my hair permed and trying to be less "boyish" (in my mom's words) did not change anything about my butchness or really even the way people saw me. They could tell I felt weird in more feminine clothing.

IF you feel a connection and relate to other women you see, like me, on the internet or in real life that means something and you should not discount that. If butch feels right and you are connected to the word by your interactions with the world and other women and your shared experience with other butches then embrace it. Allow yourself to embrace the word butch and seek a community of butches of all ages.

I just want to emphasize, being wrong and someday realizing you are not connected to the word is also okay. You aren't lying or stealing an "identity" or "faking it". You are just learning and growing and figuring it all out. Normal parts of growing up and growing older.

#butch #lesbian

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cosmic-kaden · 2 months

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✖️

What a weird feeling. I don't want to be a "boy", I don't want to be a "girl" but I also want surgeries that remove or replace other "parts" of me (but I'm too scared to open up about it. Cause it didn't blow over well last time I told those close to me....so me actually getting any surgery is like..slim to none.. )

so wtf does this make me?

Once again I am struggling to find where I "fit" ... I dunno if there are words to describe it or what but I'm feeling... Well... Like I'm outside my body at the moment- 😮‍💨 it's hard to explain...

Also feeling like I get judged a lot... Like... I wear make up and it's "she's" so pretty, oh "girly" you look good. I wear t-shirts and sweats and put on a beanie and it's you look like a "boy" what are you trying to be a "tomboy"?

Why can't I just be me without being a boy or a girl? It's these reasons and past reasons (When I thought I was Trans) that I reverted back to my dead name on Facebook because no matter how much you want to be yourself, the world just won't get it. So I am secretive about it now.. I guess I'm scared or a coward.... But I've been hurt so much by just trying to be me so I'd rather fake it till I'm not in shitty situations anymore.. which I may never get out of at this point..

This feels like the only place that I can ask things like wishing to be called Cosmic and people do and you all only knowing me as Kaden instead of a name I've long since left behind. You respect my pronouns and never once did I have to correct anyone.

This is the only place I can share my feelings without feeling judged-

Finding it hard to exist in real life at the moment and I just want to know when I can be brave enough again to step out and tell the world who I am. (Cause god knows right now in my situation I cannot.. my mom would not understand and say some pretty nasty things about it.. and she would out me to everyone and the people she knows are very anti-lgbtqa+)

safety over happiness I guess..

Thanks for reading if you did, I'm just feeling a little alone in this at the moment and needed to vent.

#questioning everything again and with life it sucks-#sorry sorry! I needed to vent it out or I'd explode.#not self ship #vent.tw

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la-pheacienne · 1 year

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I love LOVE your rhaelya thoughts. rhaelya hunts the narrative and the characters, more in daenerys, arya and jon. but jon, oh, jon :(. bby boy thinks that his mother did not love him, but lyanna's last words and thoughs were for him "promise me ned, promise me" probably to protect him forever but couldn't, and that is why ned feels like he failed. and rhaegar, while he is most and foremost paralleled to dany, jon has number of things from him. the truth of the parentage is gonna be a conflict from him, but i truly believe that he will love having a mother that loved him and that his parents loved each other. jon has been dreaming of it for years.

Thank you nonnie!! 💖

Well yes Jon breaks my heart in that situation. And when he finds out who his parents, he will probably believe he is a child born out of rape because that's what all Northerners believe apart from Ned who is dead. It will take a while I think before he finds out who his father really was.

And yes, Rhaegar has been paralleled to Dany mainly that's one of the reasons people hate him so much but there are a lot of parallels with Jon too. That's an interesting question because I've always seen and loved Jon particularly because of how pure of a Stark he was. The brooding, ill-tempered, solemn and grim personality is very characteristic of the North, and of Ned. Jon is a great swordsman like Ned, he is honourable like Ned and he has the Northern looks, dark hair and grey eyes. In all sorts and purposes he's a true Stark. BUT, I can't help but feel that the comparison between Rob's and Jon's looks was kind of weird:

"Jon was of an age with Robb, but they did not look alike. Jon was slender where Robb was muscular, dark where Robb was fair, graceful and quick where his half brother was strong and fast."

So slender, dark, graceful and quick. Now the graceful part is weird. Northerners are not really that graceful, let's say that's not their trademark. Of course you can say Lyanna was probably graceful, but was she really? She was basically a tomboy like Arya, she was very pretty but I don't know if "graceful" would be the first word one would use to describe her. In Westeros, which House is particularly defined by gracefulness? Well, you guessed it. Especially Rhaegar was said to be very graceful and slender ("long fingers" etc etc the whole Targ software). So yeah we have that. Also personality wise, well, Jon has a trait that was very characteristic of Rhaegar specifically, the guy knows how to create a strong impression on people. Jon befriends Tyrion on the spot, he is very influential in the Knight's watch, he became Lord Commander at such a young age, women love him etc. Rhaegar was loved by smallfolk, Cersei was completely enamoured with him, Barristan remembers him fondly still, Jorah calls him the last dragon, he haunts Jaimie's dreams, he left a big impact on people. But then again, Lyanna did too, so I guess he got it from both his parents. Also the way Rhaegar was born in grief parallels Jon's very tragic birth and the shadow that was cast on him for his whole life for being a bastard. That's also very specific.

So the "promise me Ned" line confuses me a lot. For a long time I believed that Lyanna just asked Ned to burry her in Winterfell because the first time the phrase is mentioned in the book the context is clear.

"I was with her when she died," Ned reminded the king. "She wanted to come home, to rest beside Brandon and Father." He could hear her still at times. Promise me, she had cried, in a room that smelled of blood and roses. Promise me, Ned. The fever had taken her strength and her voice had been faint as a whisper, but when he gave her his word, the fear had gone out of his sister's eyes. Ned remembered the way she had smiled then, how tightly her fingers had clutched his as she gave up her hold on life, the rose petals spilling from her palm, dead and black".

The main problems with this is 1) why was Lyanna afraid for a simple wish as to be buried at her home and 2) why does that line keep haunting Ned throughout AGOT? He recalls that line so many times at seemingly irrelevant situations and it's weird because Lyanna apparently got her death wish. Why would GRRM insist so much on that particular line if it was something that was already settled forever? Sansa reminds him of that, he sees that in his nightmares, then Robert himself reminds him of that line when he says the exact same words before he dies. And what did Robert want Ned to promise? Well, that he will have a specific funeral feast for him, and that he will try to protect Daenerys' life. Lol.

We don't know what this line means, but it probably refers to Jon. We'll never know for sure because we ain't getting the books 😂

#asoiaf #got #I'm on my Rhaelya bullshit again #rhaegar x lyanna #Rhaelya #rhaegar targaryen #lyanna stark #jon snow #ned stark #aspa rambles

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twothpaste · 8 months

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Ok so we know about Claus and Porky...but what about Ness and Porky in your AU? How did that fall apart and where are they standing now? I havent' read too much into the fic...

Intermission Ness & Porky are the same old story, minus the divine intervention. The fallout between these two has always been one of my favorite parts of EarthBound. There's something so raw and relatable about it - I think most folks've can recall experiences with childhood friends that, in retrospect, weren't so nice. Friendships between kids often drift apart over time, or rupture cataclysmically, or crumble under the pressure of something petty. Ness n' Porky were besties from a young age, but come adolescence, there's this sad realization that they're growing into totally incompatible people. Porky started mirroring his parents' behavior, lashing out, taking on all these manipulative tendencies ('cause his needs simply weren't being met). Taking advantage of Ness' naivete & unconditional kindness. Treating him like a plaything instead of a friend. But around 12/13, Ness was finally getting old enough to grasp the difference between lighthearted teasing & outright maliciousness. He came to understand, the hard way, that no amount of goodwill or forgiveness on his part would get his friend to stop hurting his feelings. The downhill from there's not explosive fights with baseball bats, time machines, and alien spider mechs. It's just the ordinary bitter, jealous, festering sort of fallout that real teenagers go through all the time. More under the cut.

I like to imagine they had a really sweet & genuine bond as little kids. Couple of dorky chubby nextdoor neighbors who probably got bullied at school, but found endless fun & solidarity together. From perhaps too young an age, Ness got the jist that Porky's home life wasn't so great, and wanted to provide his best bud with all the fun and safety he could. And ended up bein' kind of glued to him at the hip. Porky felt that Ness was the only person he was allowed be himself around. He could be confident with Ness by his side, and use that confidence to uplift them both. Because they were so close, a little dependent even, the wound is really raw for years to come. Ness feels a weird sense of responsibility for Porky. Like it's somehow his fault he turned out this way, or like it's his job to protect others from him going forward. Porky feels totally abandoned - essentially betrayed - by his dearest friend. Ness used to always put up with his antics, and then suddenly stopped, and poor little ol' Patrick Minch doesn't understand what went wrong (he does) (he just won't admit it was his fault).

There were a bunch of breaking points. Ness befriended Paula in middle school, which drove Porky absolutely feral with jealousy. He still maintains that she "stole" Ness from him, that Ness is an impressionable little ball of dough who got molded against him by his smartass new "girlfriend." There's also, uh. A nonzero amount of transphobia trickling down from Porky's conservative parents. My Ness spent his early childhood a quote-unquote "tomboy," but he proudly declared he was Actually Just A Boy at age twelve. And Patrick had so much internalized nonsense caked into his brain, he couldn't make heads or tails of it without barfing up Aloysius & Lardna's influence. (Which really hurt Ness, coming from his longtime closest confidant.) Porky's folks were breaking out into divorce and mayhem around the same time, while Ness' family seemed perfect as ever. I think some degree of envy was going on there. Porky's growing consciousness of the stability afforded by Ness' happy home life, versus Ness' growing consciousness of Porky's outrageous wealth. Some nasty tweenaged arguments might've flown in both directions, back then.

It broke Ness' heart to forsake Porky, but he bravely did it and stood by it. By the time they hit high school, the two of 'em were thoroughly cut off. Though Porky still made frequent efforts to fuck with Ness, hoping to snag his attention back… Stealing his stuff, threatening him, leaving cryptic notes begging Ness to come find him in isolated locations. It, uh. Never worked. At least never as intended.

The big thing about Intermission Porky is like… in EarthBound, he Phase Distorts away, becomes an immortal thirteen-forever manchild, and artfully dodges all consequences forever. Here, though, he's granted no such luxury. He's literally just some guy. He's forced to grow up, kicking and screaming. Expected to act his age, just like everybody else. And all the while, he's bitterly comparing himself to Ness. Watching his old bestie grow into a happy, likeable, well-adjusted young adult. Ness maintains jobs & internships. Makes new friends everywhere he goes. While Porky drives away everyone he knows, skirts by on his parents' wealth, runs ill-fated crypto schemes 'cause he's too good for (read: genuinely terrified of) any sort of employment. The bitterness is eating him alive from the inside out, and corroding his sense of self worth, but he'd rather die than apologize or ask for help. So he just sits in his rut, secretly mortified by the progression of time & the lonely mundanity of his plight, taking it out on the version of Ness that lives on in his head. The more I think about it, whatever the hell Intermission Porky is going through might just be canon Porky's worst nightmare. Huh.

Ness, on the other hand, has this huge sad sore spot in his psyche where Porky used to be. Because he's such a hopelessly sappy little dude, he still feels all kinds of pity & nostalgia & loss about it. But he's also grown a spine since his youth. Learned his lesson, for sure. He treats Porky with an excessive degree of caution. Avoids interactions at all costs, and encourages others to do the same. He's got this funny thing where he's normally the most laidback guy you'll ever meet - but if Porky comes up, he instantly becomes uncharacteristically jittery and irritable. There's a bit in Intermission (the fic) (the first one) where he stands up for Claus by confronting Porky - it's the only time I've ever written Ness shouting or swearing. All in all, though, he's recovering mostly peacefully. Learning how to move on & let it go. There will probably come a day when Ness is in his thirties and he thinks back on Porky and he realizes, with a contented sigh, that he's more or less over it. (Which is also, probably, one of Porky's worst nightmares.)

Bonus: Here's a snippet from Hatchback. Ness reflecting on his friendship with Porky (they're like 9 or 10 here).

#ask tag #long #thank youuu #intermission au

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