#it's really taken a tole on my mental health | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eperezart · 5 months

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Creating the content

For the body of the zine, I wanted a narrative that was informative yet friendly and reassuring. As my target audience is narrowed down to 16-year-olds I needed a narrative that they could relate to and wrote from the perspective of a 'big sister chat' rather than an information booklet.

I made sure to use reassuring phrases and to simplify the text as much as I could so that it was not too body-heavy. There will be illustrations paired with each section of the zine so that it breaks up the text:

Intro

As women, we are dealt a certain set of cards regarding health care, contraception and confidence. Society leaves us with very limited options but at the end of the day, it is the choices we make for ourselves that are the most important.

This zine is here to make sure that you are choosing the right option for you and your body. While the pill can help with a lot of things it also tends to have quite a few side effects that come along with it. The most important thing you can do for yourself is choose the best option for your skin, your body and your health.

The pill contains hormones that are to be taken daily to change the way your body works and to help prevent pregnancy. It can be prescribed to you for a variety of different reasons, like reducing cramps, lightening periods and even helping with acne. How you get the pill is also changing. Instead of being prescribed it you are now able to get it over the counter at pharmacies. However, we highly recommend speaking to your doctor first so that you can get a better idea of what you are putting into your body and how it may affect you.

We know that talks like these can be scary, embarrassing and just something you want to avoid entirely but we also know just how important they really are. So, we created a zine that you can read in your own time and space to get a better idea of what is really going on with your body when on the pill and what to do about it.

Use your cards society has given you to make the choice that is right for you, your skin and your body. Don’t let not knowing shake your confidence. With this zine, you will find a deck of cards to play with as you please. Make the right choices to win your game, make the right choices for your body.

What to do

So, before we get into the heavier topics of the side effects, we want to make sure that you know where, when and how you can get help if you need it. We have created a list of different ways in which you can keep track of the pill and its effects:

Try and make a note of your patterns. Are you having more good days than bad since going on the pill? Finding it harder to keep track of your emotions? If you find the pill is taking a big tole on your mental state, make sure to get in contact with your doctor. They will be able to find something that is right for you.

You know your body better than anyone else! If you sense something is wrong and a lot has changed since being on the pill, let professionals know. Even a quick check-up can help you with peace of mind and find any problems before they become bigger issues.

Remember you are not alone. Before going on the pill make sure that someone you trust and are close to knows. This way they are able to help you keep track of any changes that they may notice that you might not be able to.

Try to keep a journal. It can be as simple as noting your energy levels, mood swings and overall well-being. If you can start recording before you go onto the pill it will give you a better idea of any changes that might be happening. But don’t worry, that does not stop you from noting it down if you can’t start beforehand. Any kind of tracking will help.

The pill also can affect the skin and your physical appearance as well. Keeping an album of monthly photos of your skin and body can really help you notice any changes. You may find the pill clears up your skin, but it can also have the opposite effect. It can also affect your body weight, and this will help you to keep track if it fluctuates.

If you do feel the need to get in contact with someone or are seeking out help here are a few numbers that you can call:

If you want to get in contact with your GP to talk about the side effects just type in your medical Centre and you'll find a phone number attached to their location. Through this you can book any appointments and raise any concerns you might have.

If you find yourself in a medical emergency contact: 111

The mental toll can be a lot and if you find yourself really struggling do not hesitate to contact any mental health hotline. The Samaritans number is: 116 123

How if affects your body

The next few sections may get a bit heavy so please make sure you're in an environment that you feel comfortable reading in. We have separated a few of the potential side effects of the pill into three different sections; skin, health and mental health. These will be just simple overviews of the potential effects it may have on your body so for more information make sure to contact your GP.

Skin

Acne

Because the pill uses hormones to work, it can cause your acne to get better or worse. You may have to try out a variety of pills before you find the one that is right for your skin. Try taking note of what your skin looks like before coming on the pill. This way you'll know if there's been a major difference. If you find its making your acne a lot worse then contact your doctor and arrange to get a different pill that works better for you.

When you come off the pill it can also cause a lot of break outs. Your body is trying to rebalance the number of hormones it needs. Don’t worry, this is all normal. There are so many treatments out there to help gain your confidence back and clear up your skin.

Body weight

When coming on the pill you may find that your weight slightly increases. This is ok! This is more to do with water retention than actual fat gain. Your body is just adjusting to the new substances inside of it.

However, if your pill has a high estrogen dose it may increase your appetite. This is also ok! Your body is seeking out the things it needs to be able to manage the changes that the pill brings. If you find your appetite has increased significantly and you are experiencing a lot of weight gain, speak to your doctor. They will be able to prescribe you a pill with a lower dose of estrogen.

Melasma

By taking the pill you run the risk of developing a skin condition called Melasma. This is a blotchy hyperpigmentation that appears on the face. With the estrogen levels in the pill your body creates a lot more pigmentation.

Keep an eye on your skin and if you find there are patches of dark pigmentation appearing contact your doctor. They will be able to recommend treatments to be able to get rid of the patches or find an alternative to the pill that works for you.

Poster

Health

Blood clots

The estrogen in the pill does not cause blood clots but it can increase the risk of getting one. The risk is very small, but it is still something that you should be keeping an eye on. The blood clots associated with taking the pill occur in the veins of your legs. Keep an eye out for swelling or pain in your legs. In some, rare, circumstances the clot can dislodge and travel to the lungs so it is also important to keep an eye on breathlessness and sharp chest pain. If you are experiencing any of these side effects, contact your doctor immediately.

It is most likely that there will be nothing wrong, but it is important to make sure you are getting things like these checked just in case.

Migraines

Migraines are particularly common in women during their periods however, they are a lot more likely when on the pill, especially during the pill-free week. This is due to the drop in estrogen levels from both the lack of pill and coming on your period. Past the three months mark the headaches should begin to subside. However, if you find they are continuing on you should contact your doctor about adjusting your prescription and possibly changing to another pill.

Nausea

Nausea is one of the most common side effects of the pill, especially during the early stages of taking it. The estrogen in the pill tends to irritate the stomach, to help try not to take the pill on an empty stomach. Once your body adjusts to the new levels of estrogen the nausea should pass, however if it continues for longer than 3 months contact your doctor about getting a change of pill.

Poster

Mental health

Depression anxiety and mood swings

The mental tole that the pill can have on you and your body is something that is very rarely spoken about. While some women find the pill does not affect their mood at all, for others it takes a massive tole on their mental health. As it is so rarely spoken about, a lot of girls on the pill don’t realise that the drop in their mood can be an effect of the pill and tend to blame themselves.

Keeping a diary of your moods before going on the pill and being on the pill can really help you get a good indicator of whether or not it is affecting your mood. Depression and mood swings are commonly reported effects of the pill. We want to make sure that you know it is not your fault or something that you have to live with. If you find you are having a lot more bad days than good since being on the pill, speak to your doctor.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, in some cases even more so. Make sure that you are making the right decision for you and your body. If the pill is too much of a tole speak to your doctor.

Every month we experience mood changes due to the hormone changes in our bodies when on our periods. With going on the pill there are significantly more hormones being put into your body and so these mood swings and mood drop may get a lot worse

At the end of the day, it is your choice whether you wish to go on the pill or not. We want to make sure that you are confident in the decisions that affect your body. Only you can make those decisions and you should be informed in all areas before you do so. If, after reading this zine, you would like to go on the pill or learn a bit more there are so many sources online that can help you. Even speaking to friends and family that have taken the pill and had first-hand experience with its side effects can help you decide what is right for you.

Remember, we have very few cards dealt to us as women. Whether we decide to play them or not is up to us.

#t1 #yr3 #rsa

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ultimateearworm · 2 years

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Day 20 of Girlbossing it Up and Healing

These past two days have been amazing compared to my past few weeks. But first I must talk about the bad. My grandfather’s situation is being taken into court possibly, from what I know right now attorneys are getting involved and I hope it doesn’t take a tole on his mental health. I’m just happy he got out of there alive and in one piece. I’m super protective of him, instead of growing up as daddy’s girl it was poppy’s (my grandpa’s nickname I picked when I was little) girl. That has been adding to my stress as well as watching my mom and her sister deal with it.

However, some truly amazing things have happened too. Yesterday a friend and I walked around our lake and picked up seashells, the water was warm but it felt good against my legs (considering its been over 100 degrees for the past few weeks..its a desert down here right now). After that we got hungry and raced to the next town over to get some pizza from a place that was open until 1am, laughing the whole time. It was really nice to destress with her, I told her while we were walking around the lake “these past few weeks have been so stressful I just kind of want to win the lottery or something” to which she replied “oh yea, free money would be extremely nice.” I made a post on here along the same lines of conversation. I am indeed thankful that the universe is giving me those struggles to help me grow and I am thankful for what I have. When stress piles up a miracle is super nice though.

That next morning I woke up super late (about noon). I heard my dad on the phone talking to someone and I learned I had earned a decent sized scholarship. I was super happy and excited all morning. When I’m happy I get playful and even a little devious. I then rested most of the day, we ended up losing out oldest rooster because of the heat. It’s been getting to all of our animals, and because its so hot we have to regularly go outside and change out their waterers to keep them cold. Later that afternoon a friend added me back on snapchat. I mentioned in one of these posts awhile back that I had lost a friend, it was him. He messaged me declaring that when he said the things he had to me that he was in a bad headspace and he wanted to be friends again. The world has made me a more forgiving person, I accepted his friendship but I’m still cautious of him. I hope whatever demon’s plagued him have now left him alone and he can be happy.

I have also been learning more about my own sexuality and reading up on lgbt+ history. I am extremely demisexual and pansexual.

#healing journal #healing #feelings #mental health #self love #thoughts #appreciation #its been a good time #:) <3

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zyettemoon1800 · 3 years

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Yandere Pillar men x reader who doesn't want their baby

A/N: What would happen if the pillar men made their mate have a baby that they didn't want and their mate didn't want anything to do with the baby. Like they won't breastfeed, look, talk, or hold the baby.

WARNING!!!! :Forced pregnancy, slight child neglect , abuse(On wamuu's part), Suicide attempt (santana's part) This is kinda sad and depressing, so I'm sorry in advance. My next few posts will be wholesome

Kars

He will not tolerate any disrespect to his newborn even if you are the mother. During your pregnancy, he tolerated you not wanting to touch your stomach or look at it, but he thought that after the little one was born, you would have changed. oh boy was he wrong.

When he held up the baby for you to look at them and for the new baby to feed on your milk, you closed your eyes and turned your head and body away from the two of them. "You dare turn your body away from me and our child? The life we made together." "You wanted the baby, I didn't." You said as tears stream down your face.

If he was actually kind to you and didn't force you to have a baby, then maybe, just maybe, you would be a little happier about the situation.

As you wish, you could just slip into a deep sleep, he grabbed you with his free hand and turned you to face him. You kept your eyes closed as you didn't want to look at both of them. It was silent and you didn't hear him say or do anything as he put his hand on your head and then everything went black.

He didn't kill, you made you pass out for a little bit while he could let his little one have their milk in peace. He was very disappointed in you, but he knows you will come around sooner or later. Even if he has to make you pass out every time until you understand.

Esidisi

He was in tears when you refuse to hold the life you two created. He tried to put the baby into your arms only for you to move away from him. " Darling... the baby needs their mother." He said as the baby started to cry. "I will not hold that thing. I didn't want it." You said moving further away from him.

This only sent him into a silent rage. He put the wailing infant on the bed and started to walk slowly towards you. He understands maybe you weren't prepared for a baby, but this was the ultimate gift for both of your love. You should be happy that someone like him decided to give you his seed.

As he walked towards you he showed his boiling veins as they leaked a small amount of blood. This was the only way he could get you to do as he said. He wrapped the veins around your arm and raised his temperature, it wasn't hot enough to burn your skin off, but it is going to leave a nasty mark. He told you that you are going to take care and love the baby either you like it or not.

He pulled you back to where the baby laid still crying as he forced you to sit by the baby. He picked up the baby and put them in your arms. You didn't even want to look at the small bundle in your arms. You had a plan to escape from this hell hole, but now there is no way away you are leaving now.

Wamuu

He was heartbroken that you didn't want the baby, but he also understood that you were not totally prepared for one either. However, he expected you to at least warm up to the baby a little bit by now. "Y/n the baby is hungry again." He said holding the whining infant as they made grabby hands at you. "Then I guess YOU should feed them." You said not even glance away from your book. He sighed as he goes to a shelf and grabs a bottle he already had prepared and gave it to the baby.

This can not continue. A baby needs a mother and a father to have a good balance relationship. And he is the only one who is putting his energy into the little. Since they were born, he has done everything, hell, he even named the little one. You haven't touched or held the baby and Wamuu refuses to force you hold the baby because he is scared that you would drop the baby on purpose or something.

He has address his concerns to Kars, who just told him to beat you into submission...but surely he couldn't do that. Not to his beloved mate. Well...he thought he couldn't at least, but that all chanced one day.

He was out training near the house and he left the baby in their crib because he knew even though you didn't want them, you wouldn't harm them in the slightest. That's what he thought anyways...

As he was training, he heard a blood curdling scream from the baby. Thinking the worse had happen, he ran quickly into the house and up the stairs, only to find you sleeping peaceful and the baby on the floor near their crib with a bruise forming on their head. He quickly picked them up and went to Kars so he could give them a check up to make sure nothing was broken or injured.

While Kars was busy while the wailing infant, Wamuu marched back down to the room and roughly woke you up. You could barely understand what he was saying as he yelled and shook you, but what you could understand is that the baby fell from the crib. You rolled your eyes as you tried to stand your ground by telling him that, that had nothing to do with you and if he was really concern for that baby's health, then he would have took them outside with them.

That's when he snapped. He slapped you hard across the face making you fall to the ground, holding your bloody cheek. You tried to get away from him, but he grabbed your foot and dragged you back to him. He then continued to slap and hit you while he degraded you into a bloody mess. After about five minutes, he stopped and lifted you off the ground and onto the bed.

As he was cleaning you off, he told you that if you didn't start caring or at least acting like you far for the life you both have created he would beat you even worse. From that day on, he made you hold and feed the baby while he was around. Kars was proud of him because he was finally acting like an adult, but Wamuu was the least happy about it. He was upset that he went that far on you...but at least he was getting the happy family he wanted right...

Santana

He sighed as he looked at you sitting motionless by a window. That's where you would always be. Every since you both find out that you were going to have a baby. Santana was very excited about because he was going to have something none of the other pillar men had and because he was curious about the baby would look. Would they have his horns or rib bones? Would they be able to understand stuff easily like him? Who's hair or eye color would they have? Some many question filled his mind as he thought about your child.

However you were far from excited. You barely liked him, you weren't ready for a child or anything for that matter. You tried to tell him how you felt about it, but he didn't care. "No...y-you are having a b-baby." He told you as you tried to voice your opinion for the fifth time today.

Your pregnancy was anything but smooth. Santana was trying a please you as much as he could, but you were being very stubborn. Any food that he brought you, you would just put into the trash can as soon as he left. He didn't even catch on to this until he saw how skinny and fragile you were becoming. Not wanting you to be to stressed, he scowled you lightly as he brought you some more food, but this time he fed into you, which was another battle. However as you were getting closer to your due date, it got harder and harder to fight against him...so you didn't. You let him feed you, help you around, and even cuddle you. Santana was very happy. He thought you were finally seeing it his way. Oh but how wrong was he.

As soon as the baby was born you did not want to look or hold them. The only thing you did was put your hands over your ears to try and drown out the cries of the little one. You did this until you passed out. This is when santana let the baby nurse from you. This was the only time the baby could nurse in peace. Many times Santana would have to knock you out so the baby could feed in peace without listening to your high pitch cries.

Even though he could see it, all of this was taken a tole on you mental and physically. One day, as Santana was out hunting you slowly went to the window and sat down by it. It's been so long since you have been outside that you almost for forgot what it look like....what it felt like. You opened the window, feeling the light breeze on your face. You could almost feel the sun on your skin, you wanted to feel it again. You wanted peace and happiness and you were intending to get it. You through your legs over the side of the window along with the rest of your body. As you were falling, you couldn't help but smile as you thought you were finally free. However that thought was short lived as you feel right into the arms of your "mate".

He didn't say anything as he walked you back up stairs as you also stayed silent. If he knew that this was the kind of reaction you were going to have from doing what your body is designed to do, he would have waited til you were fully submissive or at least until you accepted him as he mate.

He didn't hit or yell at you, he just out you in the bed and kissed you on your cheek. You are not the one he fell in love with a year ago. You are only the shell of them, but don't worry. He intends on making things right. He will make sure his family is happy...no matter what.

#kars+x+reader #jjba esidisi #esidisi jjba #pillar men #jjba kars #jjba wamuu #jjba part two #jjba pillar men #jjba santana #jjba #jjba yandere kars #yandere esidisi #yandere wamuu #yandere santana #santana x reader #wamuu x reader #esidisi x reader #babies #unwanted pregnancy

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stargiirl27 · 3 years

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seriously considering moving back in with my grandparents, moving to the city so soon has really taken a tole on my mental health but part of me can't help but feel like a failure for wanting to move back

#personal #sorry just one of those days I guess

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hearthandhomemagick · 3 years

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Cottage Witch Journal Entry

I have a longing for Tennessee.

I have a pure, unadulterated and wild attraction to the Tennessee Mountains. This is a dream I’ve had, and a yearning I’ve felt, for years. A need to be hidden deep in the mountains in a tiny cottage/cabin of sorts. I’m sure this is an affinity very popular in mainstream culture today, and all I can think of when I hear people say they want a cottage or cabin in the mountains is, “How the Hell does everyone expect to FIT on these mountains?!” But, this is my Shadow Self, the over realistic and overthinking side of myself. And I easily get discouraged from my own wants thinking of others wants.

This is a side of me to notice in myself. I need to be able to move past thoughts of, “If everyone wants it, I’ll never have it.” and move forward with thoughts of, “This is something I want for myself, and I deserve to work hard for it.” And that’s a goal I have with myself.

You see, this post isn’t just about my want to be in Tennessee in the woods, it’s much deeper than that I feel. It’s about improvement and wanting to grow.

I bring up Tennessee because that is not a goal I can easily obtain within a couple of weeks or even a month. But, it is something I want to build up to obtaining. Something I want to do right so that everything is exactly as it needs to be. And I can’t fully accomplish this until I accomplish other goals that take precedent first. For Example, my physical health.

As a witch, I truly believe in loving every part of yourself, the good and the bad. The exciting and the terrifying. The understood and the neglected. Part of this acceptance process is learning what is and is not acceptable for my body. Now, I have struggled with my weight and how I see myself since I was a child. I remember a little boy seeing my tummy in a bathing suit in 1st grade and him telling me I was fat and that his dad said fat girls were ugly. Comments like this, stares and whispers were constant when in regards to my weight. It felt like an overwhelming amount of attention was directed at the way I looked, even if no one was looking at me I felt as though everyone was thinking about it. Over the years, this mental state took a tole on a lot more than I expected, even affecting me today with my Significant Other. The consistent attention to my own weight pulled me into depression, our of depression, into anxiety and out of anxiety. What I mean is I had an up and down relationship with my tummy.

I felt abandoned most days. I would get this idea that I was too much and not enough all at once. A gentle and cooing tone from my toxic thoughts led to a lot of issues and concerns for me and my health. Some days, I would read something that made me feel as though I was a Queen. A bad bitch lurking in this cruel world and taking it by the throat to stare it in the eyes and say, “I love my body fat.”

The sad part is your heart, mind and body know when you are lying to it. I didn’t love my body. Not in those confident moments and not in those depressed moments. I was locked away in a cage in my mind that gave me two illusions to choose from, while hiding my third option under the rug. I neglected my feelings because I didn’t want to experience them. I neglected my health because I didn’t want to deal with it. And I neglected my body because I hated it.

Reality here is that this is the only fucking body I have. Do you understand that? Let me repeat this so maybe you can understand how harsh of a reality this was to me.

I am on this Earth for goodness knows how long. 50 years, 20 years, 72 days. I don’t know, and no one does. I was literally forced into owning this body, whether I like it or not, it is mine. I can move houses, I can get a new car, I can get a new job. I cannot get a new body.

I heard this in High School and started what I called my weight loss journey. I lost maybe 20 pounds while attending a workout-boot camp of sorts and trying to maintain a healthy diet. That sentence resonated so much with me that I repeated it every day to myself. My motivation was on point. Then, I stopped going. There are multiple reasons why I stopped, but none of them are rightful excuses.

I just stopped.

Now, during those days I had lost weight, I was starting to gain confidence in myself and was attempting to genuinely look out for my health. I had more energy and felt amazing! But like I said, I had stopped for terrible reasons.

Fast-forward to college and you will find a very anxiety filled, sleep deprived and mentally exhausted Carly. Some nights I wouldn’t sleep but for 4-5 hours. Other nights I didn’t sleep at all. I believe my stay up streak was 3, going on 4 nights. All due to homework. My coping technique has always been eating food, too. So when you have a sleep deprived student settled next to a 24/7 pizza joint with half baked cookies, you gain 30-40 pounds.

At 245 Pounds, I was at my heaviest. This weight gain came on as my roommates were saying I was fat, stupid and were making me question myself frequently. Self hate festers among others who don’t value your worth, remember that. So, through those years of college I weighed an uncomfortable amount of weight that made my body start shutting down physically.

Mental Health had a lot to do with my physical health, here as well. When I was in a really bad place, I would stop moving completely and just sit still. If I had a terrible feeling, I’d cook something to make myself feel better or would just grab a processed, quick snack. It was a pattern of mine. I’d get just enough motivation to do one or two things, and then I’d stop all together and feel as though that was enough for a few weeks.

Eventually, when I was done with college, I started back on that rollercoaster of healthy and unhealthy. I’d lose 5 pounds, then gain 7 pounds right back. I started detail critiquing myself and stressing myself out. My weight never could get under control, and I couldn’t break the 200 mark to save my life. I would see pictures and videos of myself and feel as though I had eaten an entire buffet. Not too long after getting with my S/O and starting my job as a Sexual Violence Outreach Advocate, I got sick.

It started as a birthday dinner at a Korean Barbecue in 2019. I was with my two best friends at the time and having a blast. We all ate the same food, but when I woke up the following morning I was throwing up everything in my tummy.

The throwing up went on for 4 days before I was taken to the hospital, only for them to release me saying it was virus. My personal doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it eventually became an everyday thing. I would wake up between 3-6 in the morning, go to the bathroom and be sick for hours before pulling myself together to make it to work.

Weeks turned into months, and months turned into a year.

I lost 50 pounds from this thing that no doctor could seem to figure out. I got x-rays and everything, but nothing and no one could tell me exactly what was going on with me. I couldn’t eat anything friend, only raw fruits and veggies, or broth. I only drank water and ginger based drinks, and could not for the life of me stop what was going on with my body. Many doctors tried to pass it as a virus, stomach ulcers, GURD, or even Heart Burn (?). None of them were right.

After a long time, my mom finally confessed that every woman in our family has Endometriosis. If you don’t know what this is, it is the build up of scar tissue on the outside of your uterus. This leads to nausea, ovarian cysts (which they found on me in x-rays) and sub or infertility. No doctor can diagnose it, either, unless you have a surgery to see if there is scarring. So for many, suffering on your own is easier than seeing a doctor.

I discussed this with my doctor, and it was as if a light flashed in her brain. This is a disease she cannot say I have, but can say it sounds very much like that. It is hereditary and once you have it, you have it for good.

After this information entered my line of though, I decided the stress from my job was too much for too little pay, and chose to leave. Leading up to my leaving the job, I was sick almost every second of every day. The moment I left, I felt better.

I still feel pain in my ovary area, but because I don’t have the money to see a doctor, and can control my pains with eating habits and physical influence, I choose to work through it alone.

I said ALL THAT BACKGROUND BULLSHIT JUST TO SAY THIS!!!!!

This is the part that marks my new journey. It is the Journey to Strength and Well Being. The Journey to Feeling Good. The Journey the Choosing my happiness over anything else. And the Journey to choosing the health of my body over my insecurities.

I wrote this because a couple of days ago I had a very graphic and vivid dream about my boyfriend falling in love with the woman I wanted to be. In other words, I seen him with a woman who literally presented all of my insecurities to me. Small, lithe and dainty, gentle and calming, and everything I wasn’t. She was beautiful. And he seen this, and did things for her that he never did for me. I woke up almost in tears, because my emotions were raw, but I had no idea that my insecurities were still very deeply rooted.

I pondered over the last few days of this dream. What it could mean, what I should do, how I should feel and I have finally come to a conclusion.

This dream is a depiction of my fears. My brain was saying, “You need to address this shit right now.” and did it in the most face slap kind of way I could think.

I still, even after learning to love myself genuinely, have image issues that need to be nurtured and tended to before I can move forward in my life.

So, I’m making 1-3 goals every month that are attainable and reachable. This will be a brick road to my obtaining that cottage/cabin in the Tennessee Mountains.

This months Goals start today!

GOAL 1 - Learn to do a split, find a healthy yoga sequence, be able to do 15 pushups, & 30 Squats by the end of December.

GOAL 2 - Make a conscious effort to what you eat/making a new dish once a week to try.

GOAL 3 - Save $100.

This is a process, and I am only human. I don’t want to fall back into the habits of toxic mentality. I don’t want to neglect myself or how I feel and I don’t want to lose myself in to the world in the process of searching for freedom from myself.

I expect myself to exude self control, self love, and empowerment. I expect to expect better from and for myself, and I expect to accomplish my goals.

I manifest it here, I can do a split. I have a healthy maintainable yoga sequence that I have committed to growing expanding and changing. I can do 15 push ups and 30 squats. I have 100 dollars saved up already and make concious decisions that better my health rather than hurt it. This is part of my lifstyle now!

And it is for the better!

Thank you to anyone who read this through. These entries are more for my benefit and thought process, but appreciate anyone who recognizes it or even relates and wants to talk about it. It’s personal to me and means a lot. I intend on being on here more often to update my challenges and express how I use my witchcraft in the process of this Journey.

I love you all! Stay safe, warm and full to the brim! Later Witches! xx

#yule #witch #witchcraft #thinspo #healthy #yoga #workout #food #meal #habit #mentalhealth #comfort #hygge #cute #fun #craft #magic #magick #happy #storyline #witchjournal #journal #writing #creative

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deadstrangeblog · 4 years

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What happened to the bundyspooks website

Wow, I’m surprised someone noticed! Honestly? I hardly used it and it was just pointless to have. I really enjoyed having my own domain, and the freedom that came with it, but I just struggled to get the most out of the website as a whole. I believe the website was getting a fair amount of traffic, but I am no good at coding and couldn’t find a way to make ad revenue from it, neither could I figure out a way to make my website actually look nice.

It has sort of taken a tole on my mental health because I felt really inadequate posting so inconsistently, and I feel as though I let a lot of people down with being so flaky. I just couldn’t really get over that mental block of “I should write today.” and it made me feel guilty and depressed; And that really sucks as a writer, because you want people to stay interested in what you create.

But thank you for asking! I’ve queued some of the better stories on here so they’re not lost forever. One day, I hope I can branch this blog out into something else (maybe a youtube channel or podcast), but idk.

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hayley-kiyoko-love101 · 5 years

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Hello. I have been on hiatus for mental health reasons, so lets go over what has been happening in my life in the past few months.

I started college in August and am majoring in music. I have grown so much. I have made a bunch of friends who accept me for me. I have become more comfortable in my sexuality. I have performed a solo on stage in front of 100 people and it went really well.

However, there has also been bad things that have happened since I started college. My fiance and I have broken up. I am extremely busy and we didn’t communicate as well as we used to so we decided it was best to break up. A bunch of family problems have arisen and has taken a tole on my mental health.

However, I am back on social media and I feel okay.

I have been writing a lot of poems recently and that has made me feel better.

If anyone wants to talk to me, don’t hesitate to message me :)

#hiatus #wlw #wlw positivity #lesbian #lesbian jesus #hayley kiyoko #i am back #i love you #writing #mental health #socail media #college #musicician #music #music major #lgbtqa #gay #bisexual #hello

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poppy-metal · 6 years

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I'm gonna go to sleep early tonight, I think, I keep getting upset more and more lately, I've cried over and over and I can't stop and it's starting to make me feel sick and dizzy. I think my physical health is started to get affected as well as my mental health, I keep having dizzy spells in the middle of the day, and I just generally feel so weak and tired most of the time, lol. I want to say idk what's wrong with me but I do.

Two of the only ppl who really knew me and I let closer two me then anyone else left, and it's taken a major tole that's slowly been eating away at me each day.

I've never felt so alone in my life, lol. All I can think about is how i wasn't good enough for anyone in my life, thus far, and how all my firsts have been taken from me without my consent, and how annoying I am and how worthless, and how I don't know if I'm worth anything anymore.

I'm sorry for being such a nuisance lately. I'm genuinely surprised I even have over 1k followers considering how bland I am, lel.

Sorry.

#poppy speaks

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ltsyours · 3 years

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i really long to get back to the creative, unapologetic, fluid side of myself. Nursing has really taken a tole on my mental health and turn me into a problem sovling kind of person, rather than my usual creative side..

I’m going to change that

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optimisticcrab-blog · 4 years

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Journal Entry #1

Wednesday, April 15th, 2020

Time: 10:15 p.m.

location: home

That feeling is creeping up again. That feeling of dread and loneliness. I’ve been trying so hard to stay away from that part of my brain of which I’ve been trying to improve on. I am so susceptible to overthinking, low self esteem, and compromised self worth. Maybe it’s just the crazy circumstances the world has fallen into or maybe its my mental health dragging me down into the cold abyss once again. I haven’t taken any medication or even gone to a therapist for the better part of 3 years and it’s really starting to take a tole on me again.

For a while, had attached my self worth to my ability to make other people happy, being there for other people, and what other people have thought of me (family, friends, lovers, potentials).

Once I started school, my self confidence started to build. But toxic scenarios kept popping up, scenarios where i had to hold my tongue, scenario where my literal life was put in danger. I blame myself a lot though. I can’t complain that I’m surrounded by clowns when I’m the one knowingly walking into a circus.

I’m proud to say that I removed myself from that toxic relationship...but what really worries me is even after being out of that situation for 4 and a half months...I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. The dichotomy of which i call my fucking life.

I hate being alone.

but I’m terrified of being vulnerable again...I’m so fucking scared.

I feel selfish when I want attention, I feel like a burden, like a distraction. I always ask how people are and always checking up on the people I love and care about.. and I love doing that.. but is it selfish to expect it back? I think it is..

I found myself seeking validation from random strangers i would meet online. I felt powerful, i felt like i was on top of the world when a handsome man would tell me im beautiful. It was a rush, It’s a high.

A few months of that high, it wasn't doing anything for me anymore... I crave affection. Like genuine true connection affection. I check for notifications on my phone that i damn well know didnt ring.. I’m being so toxic to myself. I don’t know how to pull myself out. No, scratch that.. I do. I really do. It’s “to focus on myself and let love come to me” and “dont need to focus on relationships” blah blah blah...

I know. I KNOW.

It’s just.. I feel the people I care about drift away. and i know its just in my head.

welp. xoxo

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ocd-ocpd-and-me · 6 years

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I'm not feeling the best at the moment.

I have a lot of intrusive and upsetting thoughts.

I've been severely sick for two weeks and I think it’s got something to do with it. I haven’t been getting any nutrients into my body, sunlight on my body, exercising or socialising. I believe this has taken its tole on my mental health.

I have concerns about two things which I would really appreciate some different takes on, some different perspectives and experiences.

Please, press keep reading.

As I said, I am worried about two things.

The first being an old friend. I received a messaged from her after not hearing from her for two whole years. She ditched me two New Years ago, after I have travelled hours to see her, I never heard from you until the morning after. She didn't understand my frustration and I didn't understand her carelessness. So our friendship was over. She messaged me last night apologising for everything and asking if I wanted to be friends again. One part of me thinks it would be nice. The other part of me thinks I’m not worthy of friendships because I have nothing to offer. I am studying at University and nothing else. No job. No hobbies because they require money. I'm not involved in the community. I do volunteer at a local school where I am learning from their Well-being team. I do have stories to tell from my adventures with my beautiful partner and his friends. But I feel as though, without a job, my life and what I have to offer is lessened somehow. I know this is wrong. I know I have lots to offer. But how I feel is still holding me back. Should I meet up with this girl in the mental state I am in? Should I work on myself first? Does she deserve me?

My second worry is next year. I’m enrolled to do Uni again full time. This is something I am now reconsidering, considering I have not been able to obtain a job for over a year. I have been applying for night work, for after Uni. I can’t do weekends because that is when I see my partner, who lives and works two hours away. I don’t want to give that up. I am willing to work one weekend a month. Now I am thinking that perhaps if I cut my Uni back to part time, doing only one or two classes instead of 3, perhaps then I would be able to work 2 or 3 days during the week. I am worried, however, that I may cut back Uni, delay getting my degree, and not get a job because of the area I live in, which is simply full of unemployment. Do I take the risk?

I would really appreciate some different takes on this, some different perspectives and experiences. Please reply to this post, send me an ask or private message me.

I just want some help to understand and comprehend my best options.

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charlottelouisebedford · 5 years

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11/04/19

The Clap Back of George Michael

By age 19, Michael came out to his sisters and close friends as bisexual and was advised against coming out to his parents. At 27, he lost his lover Anselmo Feleppa to HIV. He then lost his mother 3 years later, he stated that he felt “cursed” and hiding his sexuality had taken a huge tole on his mental health, for a long time Michael was depressed.

In 1998, George Michael was publicly outed as gay by being caught by an undercover LA officer engaging in a “lewd act” in a Beverly Hills toilet. He got a £500 fine and 80 hours community service. His punishment didn’t end there with The Sun’s infamous “Zip Me Up Before You Go Go” front page. after this Michael embraced his sexuality and went public with his relationship with businessman, Kenny Goss. Micheal become almost as well known for his outspoken opinions about gay right as his best-selling music. He used his arrest to bring to light the common prejudices within society.

The video for “Outside”, the first song released by Michael after his arrest, was his clap back to society. In the video, Michael poses as an LA officer performing a dance in a public toilet styled out as a disco. The end of the video depicts 2 male officers engaging in “lewd acts” as many couples were depicted doing so throughout the video.

Michael referred to the Beverly Hills Incident with the lyric “I’d service the community, but I already have, you see,” and samples of radio reports of his arrest were used in his song.

This clap back and the use of clever imagery and lyrics really reinforced his point and empowered others. He shown strength and attitude although his life completely changed and the amount of hate he received at the time because of the scandal. This is what I want the show in my project, the love that spouts from the hate and the level of self acceptance. I could take literal inspiration from the video by using public toilets as a shoot location or use the toilets at college for my exhibition space. The toilets are a huge topic of discussion at the moment due to trans people losing the right to use the toilets they identify with in the USA.

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thingsandtrichotillomania · 6 years

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Should Be All Good Now

So I’ve let some time pass before I made another original post. There were some ups and downs the past two weeks or so but I think it’s okay now.

EDIT: Important info- After I had posted that I had in fact gone home and I can’t remember if Eric had come over or not. Regardless, I do know that I had text him on 6/28 and we were playing 20 questions and he eventually asked me like “hypotheically if someone were to ask you out when would be a good time’’ or something like that. And in that moment in time (I still do) I didn’t care about Eddie anymore because I was done with his bullshit. And so I said anytime and boom. Eric called me at like 12 something am (next day but like same convo) on the 29th and asked me if I would be his “more than friend” and I replied with “no thanks, I’m good” before laughing and saying “I accept the invitation” I thought it was funny but cute. ANYWAYS BACK TO THE MAIN POINT.

At one point about a week ago Eddie asked if he could stay here for a few days because his mom and him got in an argument and kicked him out. Long story short he ended up going home at like 8 pm that day because his friend from FL was leaving the next day and wanted to spend a bit more time with him. I’m glad he didn’t stay because things were awkward and got depressing real quick.

And from what I remember I hadn’t talked to him again till last night. I never wanted to speak to him again and he was doing really well with not texting me and his Instagram was no longer posting depressing pictures.

So like two days ago or so I saw on Instagram that he finally got himself a girlfriend. I mentally rejoiced because that meant that he was finally moving on. (I understand he wasn’t fully you know, okay after all this shit but still, it was a step).

Then this morning at like 1 am GEANNA (the 1st girl I was worried about Eddie replacing me with) messaged me on IG and I replied at like 3 am because I had woken up. Basically it was her telling me that Eddie still loved me and that he’s scared he’s going to lose me etc. Same shit I’ve been hearing from him. And telling me not to listen to the rumors people say about him (I haven’t heard of any) and he’s a great guy.

She assumed that I was Eddie’s GF and I said I was taken. I guess she misunderstood and thought that Eddie was talking about a girlfriend or something. I explained that I never was his GF and how he took a year and all that shit and she said he explained it differently. Sounds exactly like him.

THEN I found out that her and Eddie dated last summer. The SAME summer I started to like him and started to do things with him. And they were LONG DISTANCE. Eddie told me several times that he didn’t like LD relationships yet he was in one just last year...

Geanna sent me the occasional screenshot between her and Eddie and he was like “I never said she was gf she’s the one who replaced me and left me for dead.” So fucking dramatic. I told him I would still be there for him as a friend but he just got to be too much. He was being way over dramatic and over depressed and shit.

AND GUESS WHO HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND IS BTW. ALYSSA. That bitch I probably talked about not long ago. Shes the new girl who they were trying to get to come over and go to the movies and shit. The one who he sent heart eyes and shit WHILE I WAS STILL THERE. Sure I was on the very edge at that point but still. But guess what. She’s fucking like 14 or 15. And GEANNA is 15 RIGHT NOW. Meaning she was like 14 when they dated. EDDIE IS A WHOLE ALMOST 19 RIGHT NOW.

I was talking to Eric about all this since he was already up for work and he said he’s doing that because they’re easy people to manipulate. I’m starting to think he’s right. Both of those girls are extremely under age as of right now. Now if they were in college or something, fine. Barely in High school though when he’s already graduated? Not okay. Not in my opinion.

Anyways towards the end (it was 5 in the morning at this point) Eric told me to give him Eddie’s number and I did. He sent a very warning like text basically saying to never talk to me again. He told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to Eddie (I completely understand why he said this, Edward has had a very bad tole on my mental health) so it’s not like he’s saying it just because

I blocked him on IG and Kik. I don’t even have him on Snap anymore either. All I have now is his number. Even then I don’t ever use my texting much anyways unless I don’t have access to Wi-Fi.

I’m going to try and not speak to him again. I have no reason to at this point. He’s lost me as a potential partner and he’s definitely lost me as a friend. I tried to be there for him but it just wasn’t working.

Hopefully this is my last post with Edward’s name in it. Me and Eric are really happy when things like this don’t happen. Hopefully this morning was the last of it. Forever.

I just did some quick math and we’ve already been together for almost 3 weeks. I mean that’s nothing big but I can’t believe how quickly time has flown since then. I’m just hoping that this is all over with.

In the end, I’m not proud that I fucked up, but at least I finally dropped Eddie. He was a toxic person and people told me that for months but I could never drop him. In the end I hurt him and myself. Now time has to heal and hope it goes well.

July 21st, 2018

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