#it's once again mashup time besties!!!!!

[nriacc]

I Wanna Be Yours | NRIACC: Alex’s Ending |

Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis

Written by @imagine-that-100​​

Description: | Here |

Word Count: 25.2k

Warnings: This series contains mature content and themes throughout

A/N: Hey besties! I can’t believe this is it. We actually got to the end! Thank you so so so much for sticking with me whilst I got this fic out, I am truly so so happy that people are still reading almost 2 years after I posted the first part. It really is mindblowing to me. I’ve got a few people I need to thank, dot for helping me plan a lot of the fic and for helping write chap 8, @murderousginger​ and @sunsetinmyvein​ for editing for me. A really really big thank you is going to @red---moon​ and @alovesreading​, I genuinely don’t think this fic would have ever got finished if I didn’t have you two for me to mindlessly rant to about it and giving me ideas and keeping me motivated (Red also gave me the idea for the arielle stuff back on the AM tour and A gave me the idea of the whole pauline storyline so you can blame them for that loolllll love you both). To the rest of you, the ones who have been reading for a longgg time, you deserve a medal, your asks and reactions have really kept me going so thank you so so so much, and if you’ve recently had a binge I really hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster of a fic. NRIACC really feels like my baby and I’m never going to write a mashup of worlds like this again, so thank you all so so much for reading and enjoying it. I'll be forever grateful for the love you’ve shown it. Now, I’ve kept you waiting long enough, I really hope you enjoy Wheels and her man's happy ending. Love you lots and enjoy x

Please let me know | Here | who’s ending you’re all choosing! (It’s all anonymous)

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~*~*~*~ June 2020 ~*~*~*~

That night Alex came to get you was a turning point for you. You found this new way of living extremely less difficult with your best friend by your side.

When he got to your flat that night, he held you whilst you cried and he didn’t let you go until your tears dried up and he got you smiling again. You're sure it was the relief to be back in his arms that made you get more upset when he arrived.

It must have been the silent longing for him for those 3 months alone that had you not wanting to let go of him. It was a miracle you released him so he could help you pack up a few of your things to take to Alex’s house with you.

Your best friend assured you that you could both come back and grab more of your stuff at a later date but he wanted to get you back to his house so you could be comfortable. And that night he remembers you clutching him so tightly when he practically carried you into his bedroom and you held him even in your sleep.

That was the only night you slept in his bed, but you did have a lot of quiet cuddles every day where you just held him close and didn’t let him go. The only time you left him alone was when you both went to bed and even then Alex was sure that you weren’t having an easy time trying to sleep.

At the start you were quieter and you didn’t smile anywhere near as much as Alex was used to. You spent a lot of time sleeping or just lying in bed staring into space and it worried Alex so much, he ended up doing what you once did to him. He made you go on a walk with him.

Your best friend wouldn’t tell you where you were going and he found it amusing as you tried your best to pry it out of him but he refused. But your afternoon out in the boiling sun turned out to be one of your favourite days this year.

Alex took the both of you into his local shop so you could both get a meal deal and a few snacks and treats before he walked you to a specific spot in his local park. And he was right in thinking you’d love it. Your face lit up when you saw the huge cherry blossom tree and the both of you had your impromptu picnic underneath it before spending the next few hours there.

You finally got your smile back that day and Alex was so thankful to see it. And since he had seen a slow but steady improvement in you every day.

The morning after your picnic, Alex came downstairs to find you sitting at the dining room table and you were drawing again. Nothing had ever warmed his heart more, and he didn’t want to distract you at all so all he did was quickly go to the kitchen and make you a cup of coffee.

When he brought it to you, he placed a kiss on the back of your head and he sat down beside you and watched you work. He was so enamoured by you, he could have carried on watching you for hours, but instead he went and made the both of you a nice breakfast.

And since then, you always started your morning that way. You finally got your spark back and you started to feel so much better in yourself, and you owed that all to Alex.

Days were happier and somehow easier for you in this weird time of self isolation but when you snuggled into your best friend's arms every night whilst you watched a film on the settee, you knew you’d be okay. You’d always be okay as long as Alex was there to comfort you.

~*~*~*~

Since you actually got inspired to be creative again, you and Alex ventured back to your flat to grab a few of your painting and drawing stuff and you’ve been feeling more like your old self again. And now a few weeks have passed, you’ve almost run out of room with how much stuff you’ve been making, you’re definitely going to have to make a trip back to your flat to leave some stuff there so Alex can have his house back.

Not that you intend to leave because you really don’t. You don’t want to be anywhere else than by your best friend's side.

You think that in the last few weeks, you and Alex have been closer than you ever have been, in a platonic way anyway. Although, your feelings towards him really aren’t all that platonic anymore.

There had been a lot of flirty banter between the two of you since you started living together, and each time it happened it left you with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your cheeks heating up. You always tried to bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling like a fucking idiot when he flirts with you.

It sometimes makes it difficult if you’re cuddling on the settee under the same blanket because all you want to do is hide under it and grin like a lunatic. But you can’t because you don’t want him to know just how much he affects you.

And the only reason you didn’t want to put it all out in the open was because you were worried about what Alex would think. You weren’t sure if he was flirting with you because that's just how the two of you act around each other or because he is actively flirting.

So you’d kept your feelings to yourself for a while in hopes that you’d get some sort of sign. But last night when you got in the bed in his guest room instead of creeping into Alex’s like you so desperately want to, you decided you’d tell your best friend at some point the next day.

The both of you had let yourselves lose your brief moments in time together because you didn’t communicate properly. And you’re grown up enough now not to let that happen again. So you decided in bed that you were going to tell your best friend about your feelings for him.

And when you woke up this morning, knowing that at some point today you were going to tell him made you feel lighter somehow. Yes you’re nervous, but if worse comes to worst and he actually doesn’t like you that way anymore at least you’ve told your truth. And you’ll live the rest of your life knowing you did give it one last shot.

The hardest part of today has been not knowing when to bring it up, because you can’t really just say it out of the blue. It didn’t feel right. You didn’t want it to be an ‘i need to talk to you moment’, you wanted it to be an anxious free and healthy reveal of something instead of causing him to get anxious and possibly awkward with you.

But it looks like you might have to resort to that, because no conversation has taken any of that direction today. Alex has been reading for most of the day and you decided to paint some more as the both of you listened to music. Nothing sparked that sort of conversation though even over dinner so you just tried to stay calm and positive about it.

Now it’s the evening though and both of you got so wrapped up in your little words that you’d missed tea and it was too late for you to cook. So, you ordered yourselves a take out so you could chill out whilst you watched Glastonbury reruns, as the festival was obviously cancelled this year.

You watched Adele’s the night before and you both really enjoyed that. And now, after you both finished your food, you’re sitting next to each other as you polish off a bottle of wine between you, all while singing along and having a blast.

You’d just finished watching David Bowie's set from 2000 and you’d been waiting for Ed Sheeran’s headline set to start, and when it did you were both enthralled.

You have your legs over Alex’s lap and you're both resting your heads back against the settee aimlessly watching Ed’s magic that he makes on guitar. And your heart is warm by the way Alex's hand keeps running soothingly up and down your legs.

Ed has just finished his medley of songs and it’s so fucking amazing to you how he does all of what he does on a guitar and his loop pedals.

“God, he’s so amazing.” You say as your shiver slightly hearing the applause. “I’ve got proper goosebumps watching him.”

“Not you again with the goosebumps.” Alex chuckles a little and shakes his head.

“Look at my arms.” You smile and show him your arm which like you said, your skin is raised and full of goosebumps.

“You need to get a grip.” Alex smiles playfully and shoves your arm back.

You fake a frown and tell your best friend in half a giggle, “Don’t be nasty. I was like that for both of your sets.”

“Mmmm,” Alex thinks about it for a moment but ultimately he shakes his head, “Don’t believe you.”

“Well you know what Alex, I couldn’t just interrupt your set by running on stage to show you.” You laugh and you love the way he grins back at you. You also add, “And if they put your full one on from 2013 on iPlayer I would show you, but no BBC are dickheads.”

“Yeah, well,” Your best friend chuckles but defends, “I can't really say much, they have given us a pretty good platform in the past.”

“You're allowed to slag people off in private Alex, who am I gunna tell?” You grin, paying attention to only his bright eyes and his goofy smile.

Your best friend laughs, “Alright, alright.”

The both of you start watching the performance again and Ed’s just started singing Photograph which is one of your favourites. You both listen for a while but when it gets to the chorus you shiver again hearing everyone in the crowd sing the lyrics back to him.

And you can’t stop the question from leaving your lips to the man next to you who knows exactly what it’s like.

“Is there any way to describe that feeling?” You have to ask, because you remember being astounded hearing the crowd singing back to Alex at his Glastonbury. “Or is it as magical as it looks?”

You tilt your head to the side to look at him. Alex takes a deep breath as he thinks back to it and you watch him patiently as he finds his words.

“It's the best experience ever.” Alex looks at you and tells you honestly, “Nothing like it and I don’t think anything could ever beat it.”

You smile at that and it warms your heart.

“I’m so proud of you.” You quietly say, grabbing his hand that lay unmoving on your thigh

“Only just now?” Alex teases, lacing your fingers together.

You playfully glare at him then and nudge him, correcting him, “You know I’ve always been proud of you.”

Alex tries to hide his smile but he fails miserably and nods, “Yeah, I do.”

Instead of paying attention to the TV, you look at each other with smiles on your faces and you end up watching each other like that for a short while.

But then the both of you feel it. That pull between you again. The one that’s been happening every night you’ve been cuddled together. Or when the both of you are cooking together. Or go out on walks together. There’s always that spark and that pull between you, but this time you can’t ignore it.

You're both just listening to the music in the background and enjoying your view of the others resting on the settee looking into beautiful eyes.

You close your eyes and release a breath which Alex watches you do. He can’t help but think it’s like you’re mentally preparing yourself for something.

Your eyes open back up and you bite your lip for a second before almost whispering “Can I kiss you?”

That isn’t what Alex was expecting you to say at all. But he doesn’t hesitate like the first time you’d ever asked him that question, instead he just nods and watches you closely.

You pick your head up from the settee and slowly move towards him before you attach your lips to his. Despite your lips tingling the second they touch his, you know that this is just something to test the waters for a few seconds.

You can tell Alex isn’t really putting himself forward for it which you understand. He wants to see how you'd react to it.

The kiss starts slow as you really don't want to rush it at all. You aren’t after what you were last year. You’re so far past the need for him in just that sense. You just want to see if there truly is still a connection between you.

You need to know if it’s just your mind playing tricks on you or if it’s actually real feelings towards him. And from the way your heart is rapidly beating in your chest, you can tell they are genuine feelings.

Alex kisses you back with as much enthusiasm as you give, but he makes a conscious effort not to pull you to him when he’s wanting more. He needs you to direct this, for his own clarity.

And he’s thankful you are doing, because you cup the side of his face and pull him closer to you as you deepen the kiss. You feel like you’re trying to get all of your emotions out in this kiss, like you’re trying to tell him something without actually telling him.

And Alex definitely is reciprocating. After a few minutes, both of your breathing becomes laboured. You’re both so into it that it shocks you when Alex pulls away, both of you breathing hard and hearts beating rapidly.

Alex’s brain is going haywire, he’s surprised you can’t hear it screaming at him. But his biggest insecurity is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

Your best friend runs a hand through his hair as he looks like he’s fighting with his own mind when he looks into your eyes and says quietly, “I can’t do this if you’re gunna go back to him.

You shake your head, your chest sinking at the mere thought that Alex would even think that. But at the same time you understand, so you don’t hesitate to assure him.

“I don’t want him like that,” You promise him, as you really haven’t thought about Matty like that for a long time. “He’s just my best friend.”

Alex looks stressed as he reminds you, “I’m just your best friend.”

“No,” You state simply, “You’re not.”

And he hasn’t been for a long time. There’s always been that ache in your chest that has you wanting something more with Alex. And you wish you could let him feel exactly what you’re feeling to show him.

Your best friend is clearly shocked and he almost looks like he’s trying to wake himself up from a dream. He can’t believe his ears or believe that you just kissed him again.

“I can’t do this if it’s only a one night thing either. Don’t get me wrong, last time was amazing but we shouldn’t have done it. It just made me more attached.” Alex rambles on, getting all of his thoughts and feelings out into the open. “I don’t want you as some now and again girl. That’s not what you are to me.”

“I like you Al. A lot.” You cup his face to try and ground him to the moment and you smile as you spill your truth, “Like you hurt to think about. And even after everything I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your best friend loses his breath when he hears you say that. And he can’t help but repeat what he thinks he heard you say, “You like me?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

Alex looks like he wants to cry when he quietly asks you, “You like me how I like you?”

“I’m fairly certain that I love you Alex.” You grin, putting it all out there for him.

Some mixture of relief and shock floods Alex’s whole system then and you see it hit him. He holds his breath for a few seconds and he has to close his eyes and he’s holding your hand so tightly, you don’t even think he’s aware he has a hold of you.

When you see those beautiful brown eyes of his again a second later, you see him try and fail to find his words as emotions run through him. But then you see his lips turn up into a smile and he begins to stutter, “I- I, wow. I l-“

And you know what he’s about to say but you quickly put your finger over his lips to stop him.

“If you're about to say it because I just have, please don’t. Save it until you mean it, until you really want to say it.” You smile, but it’s like you’ve just got everything off your chest, you feel free saying them out loud, “I just can’t hold it anymore, I’m sick of hiding it now.”

Alex chuckles and you’re sure his eyes are getting a little watery but you can’t tell if it’s just pure and utter joy and elation that’s making him look like that. He takes another few deep breaths and it’s as if his throat has choked up and he’s trying not to cry.

You realise that’s exactly the case when he quietly asks you with a strained voice, “Me? Are you sure?”

You grin and nod, “It's always been you, Alex.”

You briefly see your best friends smile before your lips are brought down to meet it. Both of you can’t really stop smiling as you kiss each other, which is funny and cute all at the same time. You feel like you could burst with the happiness that you’re feeling, but the fact that Alex is kissing you like you could disappear at any moment, makes you think that he might not be fully believing it's happening.

The past is clearly playing on his mind, because when you pull away from the sweet kiss he lets those final insecurities out.

“How can you possibly want something with me after everything I’ve said and done?” He asks you after you pull away.

He’s still emotional, you can see it and hear it in his voice and you want nothing more than to ease his worries. You’ll do everything in your power to show him just how serious you are though, and you’ll happily spend the rest of your life doing it if he wants the same.

“A relationship is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. And I’m not ready to give up on you Al.” You smile as you gently stroke his cheek, “I won’t ever give up on you if you won’t give up on me.”

Alex smiles at that, and he moves his head to the side to kiss your palm before he says a quiet, “Never.” and that has you melting.

“This is it for me.” You promise him, “If you want this, I’m all in. I’m all yours. I’m going to marry you one day.”

Your smile is practically lighting up the whole room for Alex. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you so happy and he can’t believe that he’s the cause of it. Alex smiles and chuckles in disbelief, he’s still not fully sure he’s not dreaming. But he just has to ask you one last time, “Are you sure you want this?”

“More than anything.” You nod, giving him the briefest kiss before you tell him again, “I love you.”

Alex grins at that but then he brings his hands up to hide his face and he whispers, “I think I’m going to cry.”

You chuckle, “Don’t cry.” as you pull his hands down so you can see his handsome face again, but when you do you see there’s actual tears in his eyes. “Darling don't cry…” but then he closes his eyes so you can’t see so you tell him, “Shakespeare, look at me.”

When he opens his gorgeous eyes again, you see that they have fully teared up now which makes you want to cry too. “No, stop with the tears, you’ll get me going.”

“All I’ve wanted for so long was to hear you say that you love me.” Alex’s voice cracks at the end of that and he barely gets out, “And you just said it.”

You nod, “Yeah, I did,”

He must tune back into your surroundings for a second because he then gestures towards the TV and laughs as he shakes his head, “And Ed fucking Sheeran is on in the background.”

You giggle at this, nodding as you realise that the end of him playing Nancy Mulligan is on in the background. This really isn’t how you imagined this moment playing out at all, but you’re so happy, you don't really care.

You just laugh, confirming, “Ed Sheeran’s on in the background.”

Alex reaches forwards and holds your face then, both hands cupping your cheeks and he gently strokes them with his thumbs as he tries to take in the moment properly. “Can you say it again?” He asks quietly as a tear falls, “Please.”

You have the biggest grin on your face as you tell him, “I love you, Alex.”

His whole face lights up with the sweetest and most innocent smile then. One that’s overcome with so much adoration and joy, it warms your soul. And when you see him go to say it back, you stop him, “I-“

“No,” You put your finger over his lips, “Don’t tell me today.”

He frowns at you a little then, “But I lo-”

You stop him again, already knowing he wants to say it back and in your heart you know he probably wants to scream it at you, but you want him to tell you when he can’t hold it back any longer, like you’ve been like today. You nod as you smile, “I know, but don’t tell me today. Tell me when you desperately want to tell me.”

“I’m desperate now.” Alex laughs a little, feeling his chest burst with the emotions you’re telling him he’s not allowed to get out just yet.

“I know, but please tell me on a day when it overwhelms you so much it hurts not to tell me.” You ask him, in hopes that he could do it. You explain, “That’s how I’ve been feeling for days. I had to tell you today.”

“You’ve wanted to tell me all day and you’ve waited till now? Christ Angel, it’s almost midnight.” He laughs, and his grin is so big that you’re trying your best to take a mental picture of how gorgeous he looks right now. He strokes your cheek as he asks, “What games are you playing?”

“Absolutely none,” You laugh, “I just love you and I needed to tell you.”

Alex giggles at that, still not fully believing he’s wide awake and this is real life. He’s so beyond happy, he really doesn’t have the words to tell you, especially if you won’t let him say it back just yet.

So your best friend does the one thing that he knows that after what’s just been said, you won’t deny him. He pleads with the biggest smile on his face, “Kiss me?”

You chuckle before you ask, “Thought I was the one that asks that?”

“If you’re mine, you don’t need to ask anymore, Angel.” Alex grins.

“I’m all yours, Shakespeare.” You promise him before you kiss him again.

This kiss feels like it seals the deal. It’s your confirmation that you’re his and he’s yours and your heart is bursting with all the love you have for him and the elation you’re feeling that he wants to give you another go.

You’re feeling euphoric and you know from the way Alex is pouring his heart into this kiss that he is too. He’s still holding your face so that you couldn’t even escape it if you tried, you know he needs this just as much as you.

You’re unsure if you’re only kissing for a few minutes, or if ten end up passing. All you know is that you’re so in love with your best friend, who has quite possibly just become your boyfriend, that you never really wanted it to end. And just when you thought it was about to, Alex bites your bottom lip and brings you back in for another one because he really can’t let you go just yet.

It makes you shiver like it has done every time he’s ever done it, but you knew that was another little nod back to the first time he’d ever done it. You’re thankful he’s always remembered how much you love it and you fully intend to let him kiss you and bite your lip whenever he wants from now on.

Even when your kiss did come to an end, the moment didn’t.

Foreheads resting against each other whilst both of you let your grins free. Your noses playfully nudging the others back and forth in cute eskimo kisses has you quietly giggling, and you keep whispering to your best friend that you love him.

It’s certainly the best night of Alex’s life, and he can’t wait until you let him say it back to you because he is dying to. He loves you so much. And he’s let that love slowly consume him again every moment you’ve had together since that night he came back to you. And he never ever wants to let you go again.

Even when you finally put each other down, you cuddle yourself right into him and Alex holds you tightly and every few seconds he’s kissing your head. Both of you are only half listening to the end of the 2017 Glastonbury set now because you’re just too focused on the mutual love you have for one another and how it feels like it could pour out of your chests.

But one song does grab both of your attention, and it’s when Alex takes your hand as he hears you humming along to the tune of Ed singing, ‘Now I have met an Angel in person, and she looks perfect, I don’t deserve it but she looks perfect tonight.’ that Alex lets out a short laugh.

You look up at your best friend as he sighs as he gestures to the TV, “That’s gunna be our wedding song now and we’ll be the most basic couple on earth.”

That makes you burst out laughing despite it now probably being true. It’s a stunning song and it says Angel in it, and now it’ll always remind you of tonight. But you’re just grinning like a fool because he’s practically said that he wants to marry you.

You lean up to kiss him again and you whisper against his lips, “I love you Shakespeare.” and he hums the words back to you as he kisses you which has your heart melting.

You love each other with so much of your hearts that none is left to protest.

~*~*~*~

Much to Alex’s dismay, you’ve still not let him tell you that he loves you yet and it’s almost been a week. It’s on the tip of his tongue and you seem to know every time he’s about to say tell you and you stop him from doing so. The only time he’s managed to get it out without you stopping him is when you’re asleep and he has half a mind to wake you up just to tell you.

But he gets why you want him to wait to say it. He remembers that tragic day after the night he got drunk years ago where he just needed to tell you that he loved you so he could try and fix things between you. He couldn’t get the words off his tongue like you couldn’t the night you told him, but thankfully the context was extremely different this time.

And Alex has no intentions to fuck things up between you ever again. The morning after you told him you loved him, you both talked a little bit and you decided there and then that you were official. You’re finally his girlfriend, and Alex is so beyond happy he can call his angel his own.

Truthfully, neither of you have ever been happier despite the fact you’re in the middle of a pandemic. The days together and finally getting to be how you’ve desperately wanted to be with each other really make everything better. You have each other now and you’re never going back to how it was before.

It was always going to be impossible for the two of you to just be best friends. There’s always been something more. And now you get to experience and live whatever that something more brings you both, and Alex will forever be thankful that you made the move to tell him you loved him.

Each day since, you’ve been so happy. He loves seeing you smiling and being all bright eyed and creative. It’s one of the things he really loves about you, and he can’t wait to tell you each and every way he loves you when you finally let him say it back.

Alex woke up alone this morning, which isn’t an issue but it’s the first time since you got back together that you haven’t had a lie in with him. But your best friend, now boyfriend, knows you’re an early riser and he can’t have you tucked away in bed all the time like he wants.

He’s just glad he woke up a little earlier sometimes and got to cuddle you whilst you were still half asleep.

Alex doesn’t have to worry at all as he knows you’ve not gone too far because he can hear the music you're playing downstairs. So because he’s that much of a simp and can’t spend a long time without you these days, he quickly gets himself washed and dressed before he comes downstairs.

The instant he sees you, there’s a smile on his face and it just gets bigger as he sees you dancing to the riff of the song you have on as you cook. When you finish singing the chorus, Alex watches as you dance to the instrumental part of the song and when the drums kick back in you start jumping around having a really good time.

He can’t stop himself from watching you and grinning. But just before the song kicks back in, Alex makes his presence known and he says over the music, “Morning Angel.”

You spin around to see him leaning against the wall with a grin on his face, clearly having a great time watching you. But then the lyrics come back and you point at him and start singing the song to him, “You look so cool, standing there.”

You walk towards him quickly, the smile sticking on your face now as you hook your finger into his belt loops and pull him towards you, “With your baggy jeans,” and you run your hands up through his hair, “And silky hair.”

Both of you grinning at each other, you wrap both your arms around his neck and carry on singing, “We can live for nothing baby, I don't care. Lose me like the ocean, feel the motion.”

And you make him move to the beat of the music as you sing the chorus to him at the top of your lungs after you give him a quick kiss, “I’ll be the sea honey, always always, and you’ll be the tide.”

You’re giggling like fools in love when you carry on dancing as you sing the outro. And when Heather stops singing, you pull your man down by his hair and you kiss him sweetly.

You can’t stop the smiles on your faces but being unable to stop smiling as you kiss each other really isn’t unknown between you anymore. It’s all you’ve been doing this past week.

After The Tide by Pale Waves finishes, Alex is smiling down at you as he asks, “What’s got you all happy?”

“I woke up next to you.” Your eyes are bright as you keep him close and tell him about your day so far, “The sun is shining. I'm feeling creative, I’ve already finished one poem and painting this morning. The day is good.”

Alex kisses you again then and he hums against your lips before he pulls away to say, “Let go of me so I can see the painting?”

You smile and do as you’re asked. You let him go and go back over to the hob so you can finish making the both of you breakfast as you tell him, “It's on the easel by the back door.”

After a few minutes, you feel his arms wrap around you from behind as you plate up both of your Full English’s for your brunch.

“My girlfriend is so talented it injures me.” Alex says as he leans around you to kiss your temple.

Whilst you think he’s very cute to say you’re talented, you decide to tease him for saying it injures him, “Maybe you and your fragile masculinity should write another album then.”

Alex’s jaw drops a little which makes your facade break. You giggle and lean back into him, “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

“Next year maybe.” Alex tells you after kissing his way up from your shoulder to your neck, “Focus on everything usthis year.”

You hum in agreement, and you turn in his arms as you tell him, “Sounds like a great idea.” and you quickly kiss him before you pat his chest, “Come on, let's eat.”

Brunch was delicious, as your cooking always is and both of you sat at the dining room table whilst you ate. The both of you chatted about the morbid news that the world is experiencing and the latest Covid figures that the government has released and you both wonder how the fuck the world is going to get out of the state that its in for a while.

But, the two of you are no help to anyone. You’re just hoping that Charlie is still doing okay as he is still on the frontline with all of this. It reminds you that you need to call Y/B/F today and actually have a proper lengthy conversation so you can make sure she’s alright.

When you get up from the table to put the plates in the dishwasher (you wouldn’t let Alex do it), your boyfriend finds himself longingly looking at the leather bound diary that contains all of your secrets. It reminds him of just how much he would love to read any poem of yours. He really hopes you’ll let him one day, even if it's years from now when you’re married and going grey, he really hopes you’ll let him.

Curiosity gets the better of Alex and he nods at your diary when you come back into the room, “Did you say you wrote a poem this morning?”

“I did.” You smile brightly at him, the sun hitting your face from the window making your skin have a golden tint to it. You look stunning.

Alex hums acknowledging what you told him, he grins when you walk around the table and sit on his lap instead of your chair. Stealing a quick kiss from you makes Alex smile and he also pushes his luck the tiniest bit, asking cheekily as he slides your poetry diary closer to the both of you, “Can I finally read some of these?”

You chuckle at the way he pouts at you, the silent plea on his face is quite amusing. But what is even funnier to you is his reaction to what you say next.  

“You can read them all.” You nod, “But just bare in mind that’s like two decades worth of my feelings.”

Your boyfriend’s jaw falls and his eyes go wide. It clearly takes a second to register because the next thing you know, his eyebrows are furrowed slightly and he asks, “Wait, what?”

“What?” You giggle, finding it quite amusing how shocked he is.

Alex picks up your poem diary properly now and holds it in front of you and asks seriously, “I can read this?”

“I don’t have anything to hide from you anymore.” You nod, confirming he can if he’d like to. And to ease your now clearly anxious boyfriend, your fingers gently play with the hair on the back of his neck, “You’ve been asking since we were teenagers, I think you’ve waited a sufficient amount of time.”

Alex is entirely lost for words. This book that he has seen for the past decade of his life has plagued him as he has been desperate at different moments in time to see what you’ve been scribbling down onto the pages of it. And to finally hear that he can read it without consequence is a real shock to his system.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

Alex looks at the leather diary then like he’s never opened a book in his life and he doesn’t know what to do with it. His hesitance makes you smile, but you think for your own sanity if he does want to read it, which you know he does, you need to do something for yourself.

“Before you do.” You get your best friend's attention again and you ask, “Can you please read and process them when I’m not here? I’d rather you take it all in and then you can ask questions afterwards if you have any.”

Alex questions, “Not all sunshines and rainbows then?” and his heart sinks a little as he’s sure of the answer you’re about to give.

“Has my life been all sunshine and rainbows, Al?” You raise an eyebrow but try to keep the mood light.  

“No,” Your boyfriend shakes his head and takes a deep breath before admitting, “And I’ve not helped with that, I’m sure.”

“Don’t beat yourself up Al.” You tell him, giving him a small smile and you gently stroke his cheek as you tell him, “I love you now because I’ve been through everything you’re about to read.”

Once it’s established that Alex does in fact want to read it, you send off a few texts and when you get responses, you grab a few things before you get yourself ready to head out. And once you’re at the door, you tell Alex what your plan for your day is, “I’m going to go for a long walk, meet up with Adam for a socially distanced chat at the park and then have a nice long talk with Y/B/F whilst you read, okay?”

Alex wraps his arms around your waist and he hides himself into your neck and he kisses it once before offering, “You can stay here if you want? I’ll go out.”

“And you lose my poetry book? Absolutely not.” You giggle a little and you give his hair a little tug so you can give him a kiss. “It’s a nice day, I wanna get out anyway so it kills two birds with one stone.”

“I love you so much.” You kiss him longingly and lovingly, “I’ll see you later.”

“I-” And your best friend tries again.

But you quickly silence him with another kiss and tell him, “Don’t say it until after you’ve read my poems.”

Alex looks hopeful when he asks, “I can say it after?”

“Yeah, I think I've made you wait long enough for that now too.” You grin, loving how excited he is at the thought of saying that he loves you. But you jokingly big yourself up, “Besides, I have a feeling that you’ll be desperate to say it. I have a way with words.”

Alex chuckles at that, but before he lets you go he raises his little finger to you and asks, “Afterwards?”

You smile and hook your little finger around his in a pinky promise, confirming, “Afterwards.”

~*~*~*~

The way Alex’s heart is beating as he paces in front of the settee, which your poetry diary is currently lay on, is frankly concerning considering all of his nerves are being caused by what a pen has written on paper. It’s been 15 minutes since you’ve gone out and Alex hasn’t yet found the courage to open it.

But he realises that he needs to just bite the bullet. He’s been asking to read your poems for so long, he doesn’t want to back out of this now. Alex wants to know the ins and outs of your mind, and this is the closest he’ll ever get to that. So after a few deep breaths, he forces himself to sit down and unwrap the leather diary and he opens it on the first page.

Alex smiles seeing that it's not only your words in this book, you have doodles in there too. Stunning ones, just like all your drawings but these are quirkier and on this page he knows they must be from a long time ago.

On the first page he sees your full name written down, your telephone number which has clearly been updated the few times it’s needed to be. And then you have a bigger note that reads:

If lost: Please call the above number and claim your £5000 reward.

It makes Alex relax a bit reading that because that’s a very you thing to do. He knows that if this book went missing you’d probably pay double that to get it back. And after a deep breath, your boyfriend turns the page to start reading properly and he finds it easier than expected, for now anyway.

After reading a few of your earliest ones, Alex spots the small way you’ve coded out your poems. The date is the first thing at the top of the page, but then in the top right hand corner, you have initials of who the poem is about.

The few he’s read he knows from the initials that there are some about your Mum. Other heartfelt and longing ones about your Dad that almost have Alex tearing up.

There are happy ones too, some that don’t necessarily have initials because they aren’t about anyone in general, they are just about how you’re feeling.

Even reading these from back when you were in high school and college, Alex knows that you’re amazing at what you write in this book. And if your writing was this good when you were half your current age, he knows you must be even better now.

Once Alex figured out your code, he decided that he wants to respect your privacy a little more, so instead of reading everything you’ve written, he searches for his own initials. And your boyfriend stops when he sees the first A.T. in the right corner of your book. Alex sees that you’ve dated it late July 2002 and then he goes on to read:

Thank you for making me

feel things I thought I

never could

It’s short and simple, but Alex knows already that you must have been talking about the night you first slept together then. It sort of hits him all over again just how deeply you clearly felt about the milestone in your lives as he never expected to read you thanking him for it.

Alex flips a few more pages until he stops when he sees a polaroid of you and all the 1975 boys in a swimming pool. You’re all grinning like idiots and he can see that you’ve all signed the bottom of it which is a very you thing to ask all of them to do. But he smiles when he reads the poem on the page the picture is in between.

It’s about him, and about how there’s a trace of him on your neck that you’re getting teased for, but you’re saying it’s all worth it because it’s your reminder of what's waiting for you back home. When Alex looks at the picture again, he can see the faint bruise that he remembers sucking on your neck in Matt’s bedroom all those years ago at that house party. It makes him smile, seeing you look like you did back when you first got together, as you don’t look that much different now. You’re still as beautiful as ever but you’ve matured and grown into your beauty. And you have tattoos now too.

There were a few poems about Alex from that summer, that he finds himself smiling as he reads. But the first one with A.T. in the corner that knocks that smile from his face is one that hits him square in the chest.

Is my timing wrong

or am I just that hard to love?

Maybe I’m just

not good enough.

You thinking that you’re not good enough injures Alex’s soul, because it was never that. Alex was just a moron who got caught up in another girl who was actually in front of him for that whole summer who gave him attention and he never should have done it. He should have waited for you to come back home. He wishes he did.

Alex can’t help but think that this will probably be the easiest one of the heart aching ones that you’ve written about him. And the fact this already has made his heart sink probably isn’t the best sign.

Your poems move on to being about Peter after that and they stay that way for a lot of pages. Alex flicks through them, not really paying too much attention to anything you write about your first boyfriend, but when Alex sees M.H.he pauses.

Nothing is wasted.

Things happen for a reason.

A kiss should be simple,

but the taste of you on

my lips that night (searing)

a beautiful complication

Simple? Then why does

my heart long for you

when I’m locked to him.

Alex quickly recognises that you must have written that when you kissed Matty whilst you were still going out with Peter. And at the same time Alex realises he can’t put himself through reading the poems you’ve written about Matty, whilst it’s beautiful, he knows he can’t do it. He promises himself this will be the last one.

The next Alex finds with his own initials on it is dated a few days after your 21st birthday. And this one was about how sweet you thought it was that he kissed you. After that, there’s endless pages that are about Matty and there are somany.

Whilst Alex is searching for his next one, he comes across a photobooth strip of pictures where you and Matty are kissing each others cheeks before finally kissing each other properly in the final photo tucked into one of the poems about him, but Alex has to skips over your words about your ex.

The next A.T. is dated early November 2007, so Alex knows that this is bound to be when you were on tour with him. And Alex knows it must be because from the context of the poem he knows that this must be about the night you finally slept together again.

Supernova

Boy you are a wild thing,

a supernova, a rush of

blood, burning desire.

(Angels could never)

You light up everything

you touch & set my

body electric.

Me and you?

Hearts true,

skin brand new.

Alex reads this one over and over again. He selfishly knows why he repeats the poem, because he knows that when he turns the page it’s going to turn nasty. Because he was so beyond nasty to you back then.

It’s still one of the biggest regrets of his life, leading both you and Alexa on. He should have never done that to either of you, but especially you. He was so stupid to disregard you like you were nothing and it will always be a splinter in Alex’s soul that he’ll never be able to get out. Just like the way the guilt is always slowly eating away at him but he buries it down these days. But reading your poems that follow make that guilt wash over him all over again.

When he turns the page, he finds it dated it dated early December 2007 which Alex knows is after you left the Favourite Worst Nightmare tour after what he did and he takes a deep breath before he reads the poem you’ve titled Betrayal:

You don’t understand

how a piece of you exists

within me. It hides convert,

burrowed in my centre.

My love, my love, my love,

I have learned to romance

ghosts with you: Men who

are all fucking talk and

zero substance. I have

learned a heart can be

feint, untouchable - even

when gripped in a fist.

I have learned you are

not mine but I have

always been yours.

Ours.

I don't understand why

I can’t kill the piece of you

that makes my heart shake.

I don’t understand how

you can look for more in her

when I have cracked open

my ribcage for you.

It makes Alex tear up, and so do the ones afterwards. There’s at least ten from December 2007 and they all progressively hurt more and more as Alex reads them. But he knows you felt so much worse than he does whilst he’s reading them and on some level he knows that he has to read them all because he deserves to feel the pain after he caused you so much more in the past.

Nothing truly gets him like the last one from that month though. You wrote this one after Christmas, the first christmas he remembers you not being at home for, and his one is called Devastation and it hits him even harder.

You are with me

in dreams sweat-soaked

and electric.

You are the reason

for this ache,

this heart burst open.

When I think of you,

the knife twists and

youyouyou,

you cripple me

even still.

You are beyond forgetting.

You are ingrained in

my blood.

What I don’t understand

is why I still care?

I am a car crash when

it comes to love:

Even when my head hits

the dashboard, I spit out

my teeth and

ask if you’re

okay.

It makes him feel sick, especially reading the end of it. The mention of a car crash wounds him as he knows what pain you went through years after you wrote this on paper what a car accident would do to you. And the fact he made you feel as if you were going through something that you later would find out to be the worst pain of your life, makes him start crying.

He’s not entirely sure how long his head rests in his hands and he cries about the way he once made you feel. Your best friend knows it’s a long while and he forces himself to read all of the sad ones before he lets himself move on.

He deserves to feel every once of your pain that he put you through. And Alex really doesn’t know how you managed to forgive him time and time again.

When he finally gets back to grips and he’s not crying anymore, Alex flicks through again, there’s a few more about Matty before they move on to being about Kyle for a while. There’s the occasional one about your friends and there's a platonic one about Alex dated in 2009 about distance and about how you send each other books.

After that a few more crop up about him that show how worried you are about him that were from 2010, after his split with Alexa and he came to stay with you. And there’s more about Matty afterwards. In fact, Matty takes up the majority of the next fifty pages which makes sense considering you were with him for so long.

The poems got Alex emotional again when it reached the year you had your accident and when you split up with Matty. Alex expects there to be a lot in there about the accident, but considering what happened with Matty, he realises that pain combined with the accident merged into one, so he still doesn’t read the ones with Matty’s initials in the corner.

One of them, though, doesn’t have any initials on it. And it’s the simplest poem but it hits Alex square in the chest.

I keep wondering

how sad do I have to be

for someone to stop insisting

everything is going to be fine?

Maybe it hits him because Alex thinks of himself as that someone who kept reassuring you at that point in your life. Despite you not putting any initials it really does seem like it could be about him.

Your poems stay about Matty for a while then, and he sees the dates move to when the AM tour started. At the beginning of that year there were a few more about Matty, probably how you felt betrayed by him going after Alex’s exes but he again skips over them until he finds his initials again. And he smiles when he does.

There are a few cute ones about the two of you getting closer again, some that suggest you want to see if you can be happy with him but with nerves because of what happened last time. They are really cute, ones that Alex wishes he could reread over and over again, but his favourite happens to have something else alongside it.

Alex opens that page and a polaroid falls out of it, one that he hasn’t seen in years but he remembers taking it. The picture of your silhouette as you sit on the decking above some American lake, and the sky is full of colour. Yellows, oranges, and reds all blurring into a stunning sunset, with the reflection of it on the water but you’re at the centre of it.

Seeing that the poem is the one that you wrote when you were sitting in his arms makes Alex’s heart beat faster, and this is definitely his favourite when he reads it.

Back To Life

This is the truth:

You touched me and the

universe fell back into place.

With you I feel infinity and

I wonder how many lives,

galaxies and red-hot nights

will live in our shared bloodstream.

Because it all boils down to

this sweet boy:

You have brought me

back to life.

It really hits him hard that one, and all of the ones after that ooze that you’re falling in love again. And knowing what happens makes Alex’s heart ache, he really could have had you be his back on tour if he’d have just asked you. If the both of you had just been direct like you were last week, you could have been together for 6 years.

Alex guesses that is at least one blessing of growing up. You all learn from your mistakes in an effort not to make the same ones again, and he’s so thankful he can finally call you his.

If he’s remembering the dates correctly, Alex reads another one that is from when you both came back home from the AM tour that is about him.

I learned to love

the most important parts of me,

because you did.

All my fear, anxieties,

quirks, and insecurities.

I overcame the struggle

because you held out

your hand and

offered to walk with me.

Whilst that warms his heart, the ones of heartbreak come next. Ones where you said that you let him go because you couldn’t be selfish to make him stay for you. Others of longing and the pain at him being so far away again and it makes Alex regret that move to LA in 2014 even more than he already did.

Reading the ones about both him and Matty make your constant heartache back in 2016 a bit easier to understand. He can tell from the way you write that you’re so confused by what you’re feeling for two different people and how overwhelming those emotions were for you. Alex starts crying at some of them because of how broken you sound in them. It made him wish he never put you through the stupid triangle.

Then the poems reflected on your 30th birthday party and the ones about him hurt him a fucking lot to read. Again, he deserves to feel that pain. It’s another of his biggest regrets to this day that he’d said that about you and used your virginity as some badge of honour. So when he reads about you actually forgiving him, he cries again in relief.

But then it gets to 2017 and something else trapped in the pages falls onto Alex’s lap. A letter.

One that just reads ‘Y/N’ on the front of it in someone's handwriting that he doesn’t quite recognise, but he knows he’s seen it before. But then it clicks after he thinks why you keep a letter in your most prized possessions, it’s important to you and important enough that you wouldn’t want to lose it. And it’s then he realises it must be the letter that Matty gave you, the one that ended up with you sleeping with your other best friend again.

For years it’s plagued Alex on what could be written in that letter - the one that's now in his hands - that made you rush to Matty and sleep with him again. It kept him up at night thinking about it in the days after you told him what happened.

He wants to know, he really does and when it clicked what it was there was no doubt in Alex’s mind that he was going to open it and read it. But when it comes to him even opening the envelope, he can’t do it.

Alex can’t bring himself to betray your trust like that. It’s unbelievable enough that you’ve even let him open your poetry diary, he can’t just open something that you’ve kept private for so long.

He trusts you enough with what you’d told him in the past and what you said last week that Matty is just your best friend. You will have had your reasons for why you got with him back then and he’s sure this letter in his hands would make him understand. But that can stay between you and Matty. Alex makes his peace with that there and then as he tucks the letter back into the pages of your diary before he starts searching for his initials again.

The 2018 poems begin and the months where you and Alex got together again the time it almost led to a proper relationship have your boyfriend really happy to read. Your writing is astounding and how you convey your feelings through your words is insane.

But Alex knows he’s about to fuck up and hurt you again. And when he reaches the poem where he does, it upsets him again.

In another life

I swallowed every reprieve

and instead

offered you a mouthful

of loathing.

Just not in this one

As he’s been reading all of the ones after this about how hurt you were after he called you what he did and you decided you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Again, entirely fair and he deserves to feel like this as he reads the following ones that also cover that heartbreak.

He reads the other ones that cover 2018, not many more are about him other than one about you meeting accidentally in your spot at the park that day.

The poem you write about your one night stand in January 2019 is amazing. You write about sex like it’s electricity and he can feel the ghost of what happened in his veins as he reads.

He wishes that you were ready for a relationship back then because he would have asked you if you wanted to settle down. It would have saved him the waste of time that was the rest of 2019 for him anyway, and he could have been with someone who actually appreciated him for the person he is instead of being used like he was. Another regret of his will always be that he foolishly didn’t believe what you said about his ex and that he hurt you with that.

The poems that start with the beginning of 2020 are beautiful and happy, but the ones that come after march are bitter in comparison. Your poems turn lonely and sad and it’s so blatantly clear to see that you weren’t doing too well. As Alex reads he can see tear stains on the old battered book that holds your emotions just as clearly as your words.

He too is balling his eyes out reading how broken you feel and he wishes you phoned him sooner than you did. He promises himself that he will never ever let you feel as upset as you clearly were for those few months and he will make sure he does that for the rest of his life.

Alex notices the dates get even more recent now. One a day after he picks you up and it's as if a light had been switched back on and you found your happiness again. And then he reads ones that slowly hint that you’re falling back in love and you say that it’s been dormant for a while but it's always been there. It makes your boyfriend emotional as his heart feels like it could burst. But then he reads ones that have been written this last week, where each of them have that A.T. in the corner and your boyfriend can’t stop crying.

21/06/20

Those little moments,

with my head on your chest

and your fingertips

drawing circles

on the base of my neck.

They are the tiny moments

you are more than my home;

you are my entire world.

~~~

22/06/20

If I were to build a house

I’d have your arms as the walls

Your eyes as the windows

Your smile as the front door

Your heart as the fireplace

And your soul as my light

And in this house

I’d place my faith

Knowing I’d finally

Found a home

~~~

23/06/20

My pen could write

for a thousand people

but it never smiles about them

the way it does for you.

I love you Alexander Turner,

my Shakespeare,

my Darling.

So much.

And then the pages go blank. You wrote that you loved him this morning and even though you’ve said it a hundred times this past week it still doesn’t seem real.

Alex closes the book and puts it down before he just lets himself cry. He’s so overwhelmed with everything that you’ve written that all of his emotions are blended into one and he just sits and cries.

The only thing Alex can make sense of is that It seemed like you both caught feelings for each other even harder at different paces. You caught them immediately whereas Alex noticed them properly about a year later and he made messy life decisions after that.

And after that you’ve been missing each other until you finally got brought together now. Alex is so beyond thankful that he has you now and he will never ever take that for granted.

He’s unsure how long he sat there reading, and now crying, but it’s long enough that you’ve made it back home. Alex hears the front door open and you’re humming as you walk through the door.

Hearing your small, “I’m home.” somehow makes him even more upset, but he can’t not get up because he needs you back in his arms now. As Alex turns the corner, you’re taking your AirPods out and putting your keys on the side and he tears up more just looking at you.

You didn’t even notice your boyfriend was coming up to you until the second before his arms wrapped around you and he gave you the biggest hug he ever has. It’s a lovely embrace that has you smiling, but it quickly turns worrying when you feel his shaky breathing and you realise he’s crying.

Just as you’re about to ask if he’s okay, you hear his choked up voice tell you, “I love you so so much, Y/N.” as he hugs you tightly.

“Alex,” Your arms wrap around him, instantly worried he’s had some bad news whilst you’ve been out. “What's wrong?”

You feel him shake his head as he cries into your neck and he just holds you tighter and “Nothing, I just love you.”

“I love you too, Al.” You promise him, giving him a big squeeze and you run your hand up and down his back trying to comfort him and coax him into telling you what's wrong.

You’re a little worried about him when he just cries for a minute in your neck before you start worrying that something bad actually has happened and he’s not telling you, “Alex come on, what's happened? What’s wrong?”

“I just read everything and I-” He chokes up when he pulls out of your hug briefly for him to wipe the tears from his face as he stumbles over his words, “I don’t know Angel. I’m overwhelmed and I-” He has watery eyes and you can tell just how much he means what he’s saying when he continues, “I just love you so much Angel… I’m so sorry I hurt you for so long.”

“Al, don't apologise.” You shake your head, and reach up to wipe his tears away, “I’m fine, I’m okay.”

“I just love you a lot. I'm so, so, so beyond sorry I put you through all that.” There’s no stopping his tears yet, and he looks broken when he cries in a choked voice, “You must hate me, I'm so, so, so sorry.”

“Alex no,” You promise him, “It's okay.”

He sounds broken when he says, “I don’t understand how can you love me when I made you feel like that?”

“Do you remember what that really clever man once said?” You ask him as you wipe his tears and he sniffles, shaking his head slightly to answer your question.

“‘The course of true love never did run smooth’, Al.” You quote A Midsummer Night’s Dream at him, before you go on to say, “I love you more now because of it all… You know I love you, you’ve just read how much I do. Please tell me you made it to the end.”

Alex nods, confirming he did, but he sniffles, “I don’t deserve it.”

“If you made it to the end then you’ve read how much I love you.” You smile at him, and the small smile he gives you back warms your heart. You really want him to believe you.

“We deserve to be happy, Shakespeare.” You wipe away the fresh tears that spill down his cheeks as you tell him softly, “It’s time to let it all go. It’s me and you against the world now.”

“Are you sure you want that?” It almost breaks your heart when you hear him ask that. “Want me?”

You nod, promising him, “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”

Tears of relief seem to flood his eyes then and he smiles at you as he savours the feeling of you gently brushing his cheeks as you look up at him with such a loving smile.

He wraps himself up into the biggest hug again and as you lean your head against his, he says, “I love you so much Y/N Y/L/N.”

You smile as you whisper into his ear, “And I love you too Alex Turner.”

~*~*~*~ Mid July 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Curly, hey!” You smile as you answer your phone.

You just quickly ran to the kitchen to grab your phone when you heard it ringing but you were pleasantly surprised to see your best friend's contact name on the screen.  

“Wheels! Sweetheart!” Matty’s chipper voice comes from down the phone. “How are you? What you up to?”

“I’m good, thank you.” You tell him as you make your way back to  “And I’m currently doing another box painting for the next gallery. For whenever the world gets back to normal anyway.”

“Hopefully we will get there soon,” You can hear Matty’s smile when he adds, “And oooo, what’s this one of?”

You smile as you look at your artwork. This one was just a scene you conjured up from your imagination and it turned out pretty well if you do say so yourself, “This one is a foggy forest with mountains in the back.”

“Nice one, can’t wait to see it.” Matty says and you know he’s being entirely genuine.

However, today is about him, not you.

“You’re too cute, but anyway, I can tell you over the phone properly now.” You’re grinning like a fool as you say, “I’m so fucking proud of you Matty… Notes is fucking amazing.”

Notes On A Conditional Form came out today and you’ve already had your first run through of listening to it since Alex went out earlier as you painted. It’s so different to their other albums but still has that 1975 magic that makes the songs theirs. And you’re so incredibly proud of them all.

“Thank you Sweetheart,” You can practically hear his grin, “And whilst I’ve got you, Notes was actually the reason I was calling.”

“Oh?” You smile hearing that.

“We’re doing the twitter listening party later on at seven and I wondered if you’re not busy if you wanted to come to the studio to listen with me and George?” Matty asks, and before you can get a word in, your best friend starts giving his reasons, “I just don’t want you on your own when you’re being sensible anyway so having you around for a bit isn’t going to break any rules in our mind nor should it in yours. You shouldn’t be locked down alone anyway.”

“Matty,” You start, “Thank you for the offer but I’m not on my own anymore.”

“Who you with?”

“Alex…” You trail off, really not knowing how Matty was going to take it.

You’ve sort of just kept what’s gone on between you and Alex the past month between the two of you. You hadn’t even told Adam you were giving it another try with Alex yet, you just told him when you socially distanced met up with him the day your boyfriend was reading your poetry books that you were staying at his house, not that you were back together.

“Ah, right.” Matty thinks about it for a second before hesitantly asking, “I’m guessing in more ways than one?”

You feel fucking awful, like you should have had this conversation in person and not over the phone, so you immediately say, “I’m sorry Matty, I-”

“No, no Wheels, please don’t apologise.” Matty is quick to interrupt you, “I was just asking because I didn't want to presume. I just want you to be happy.”

“That’s all I want for you too, Matty. I swear.” You promise, because you do just want him happy.

There’s nothing you want more than for him to find the girl of his dreams who can put up with his excitable ways and for someone who loves him just as much as you once did. He deserves the world and there will always be a part of you that loves him, but you’re both so much better off as best friends it's clear for you both to see now.

“Yeah, I know.” You can hear his smile and that is still present when he excitedly hints, “I’ve got news on that actually.”

“Ooo what?”

“I’ve started speaking to someone.” Matty informs you and you can hear his grin down the phone.

You gasp, completely thrilled for him, “Really?”

“Yeah.” He confirms, sounding really chuffed for himself.  

“Would I know her?” Is your polite way of asking if she’s famous.

“You might.” Matty chuckles before answering, “You heard of FKA Twigs?”

“You’re kidding.” Your jaw drops and you have to pinch your nose wondering how the fuck Matty, your beautifully idiotic now skinhead Matty Healy has somehow managed to take FKA Twigs off the market. “How the fuck have you managed that Matty? She pole dances!”

“I know.” Matty laughs down the phone, clearly finding your shock funny. “I don’t know either Wheels, but it’s going really well. I was actually gunna tell you later on if you were coming round.”

You can’t stop smiling at how bloody happy he sounds, you coo down the phone, “Matty, I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m happy for you too.” Matty tells you sincerely, and your heart melts a bit when he adds, “You know I’m always here if you need me, right Sweetheart?”

“Of course I do, Curly.” You nod, wrapping an arm around yourself in an attempt to simulate one of his. You’ve missed your Matty hugs these past four months. You remind him, “I’m always a phone call away too. You know that.”

“I do.” Matty confirms which makes you smile.

You really need lockdown to fuck off so you can go and hug your friends. You will certainly never take their presence for granted ever again.

“Who knows about you and Al by the way? Does Hann know?” Matty can’t help but wonder.

“No we’ve not told anyone, we've just kept it to ourselves for the time being.” You explain, “But it’s not a secret, tell who you want. I’ll phone Adam after I’ve finished on the phone with you though.”

He chuckles mischievously, “Amazing, Twitter will have a field day.”

“Just like they did when they found out you shaved your head again.” You pointedly accuse because you’re still not happy with him.

The bastard got rid of the mohawk and left a fucking rat tail on his head, and after copious amounts of bullying from you, he finally got rid of that too. But now he just looks like a prison inmate and you need him to commit to growing his hair back.

“So other than the both of us being happy, do you have any gossip? Personal or industry will satisfy my boredom.” You ask, changing the topic of conversation so he hopefully forgets his plan to out your relationship to twitter.  

Matty laughs then, but he can’t help but say, “Alex should be satisfying your boredom.”

“Oh he is,” You grin, knowing exactly what your best friend meant by that, “But I’ve gotta have a break sometimes, Curly.”

The sex you and Alex were currently having was very very nice to say the least. Lockdown was a blessing in that sense, between painting, watching shit tv, talking to each other and your friends left a lot of time for the two of you to get up to no good. And it’s needless to say, you’ve been left very satisfied.

But you can’t help but tease Matty, “Might watch a few more videos of your girlfriend pole dancing if you don’t give me some gossip.”

“Let me think.” Your best friend says quickly which makes you chuckle, but then he tells you the worst thing imaginable, “Oh yeah, so something devastating news for you actually… Catfish and the Bottlemen are no more.”

Your eyes go wide, and you gasp, “What?!”

You can imagine Matty nodding as he confirms, “They are splitting up.”

“No.” You say back in utter disbelief.

You don;t even hear the front door open, you're so in shock. All you can hear is Matty trying not to laugh as he says, “Yeah, sorry Wheels but it’s true.”

With your hand over your mouth, still in utter disbelief you ask, “But why?” like you’re a child who’s having a sulk at your toy being taken away.

“I’ve got no idea. Seems there’s been a few disagreements and shit’s hit the fan.” Matty tells you, “Apparently, they will be doing their confirmed tour dates and then that's it.”

“I’m in pain.” You're frozen to your spot, looking like your world just crumbled down as you exaggerate to Matty, “Immense pain.”

Whilst your best friend chuckles down the phone, Alex walks through the door with all of the food shopping bags on his arms, and he asks slightly concerned, “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’re about to throw up.”

As your boyfriend kisses you on top of your head, you repeat what Matty just told you, “Catfish and the Bottlemen are splitting up.”

“Yeah.” Alex nods like it’s not news to him before he turns and heads towards the kitchen.

You jump out of your seat and follow him, almost shouting, “You knew?!”

“I thought you did.” Alex says over his shoulder as he puts all the bags down in the corner of the room by the cupboards.  

Matty is laughing down the phone as you say in complete disbelief, “I can’t believe you knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t cry Angel, they weren’t that good.” Alex chuckles before he starts opening cupboards and the fridge to put the food shopping away.  

You jump up and sit on the kitchen island before saying, “I’m surrounded by rats.” and Matty again laughs as your boyfriend chuckles.

“Matty’s on the phone then?” Alex asks, and when you nod, you pull your phone from your ear and put him on speaker. Your boyfriend tells your best friend, “Brave of you to tell her that mate. How are you?”

“I know and good thank you, hope you are too.” Matty’s voice rings out of your phone speakers.  

But you smirk and add, “Oh he’s fucking amazing with his new pole dancing girlfriend.”

“Who?” Alex turns to look at you with a surprised look.

You grin knowing he’ll be shocked when you tell him, “FKA Twigs.”

“You’re kidding?” Alex’s jaw drops exactly like yours did.

You can’t help but laugh, “That’s what I said!”

“Okay it’s getting a bit rude now and you’s can call her Tahliah,” Matty tells you and you bite your lip to stop from laughing. Matty adds though, “By the way Al… Break Wheels’ heart and I’ll punch your lights out and get George to do the same.”

“Noted.” Alex chuckles, having absolutely no intention to ever hurt you again. Changing the topic, “Speaking of notes, we’re listening to it later, right?”

“We are indeed.” You nod confirming for your boyfriend.

“Excited to hear what you think.” Matty says pleasantly, but then he feels the need to remind, “Please both of you remember I wrote it a fucking while ago.”

You chuckle at that because you know he means that songs about you are on there. But you already knew that. You were in the music video to one of them after all. But you’re excited to tweet along later as you both listen to it properly.  

“Don’t worry, it's all good.” Alex chuckles, really not caring if you’re not upset by it.

Matty is entitled to write about his own experience just as much as he is.  

You leave Alex to put the shopping away after the three of you chat for a little bit. You and Matty could chat for days and you probably chat for another half an hour about anything that pops into either of your heads. But then Matty remembers something that will shock you to your very soul.

“Oh fuck.” Matty says randomly as you were gossiping.

“What?”

“I forgot to tell you something…” Matty trails off.

If you were on facetime with him, you expect you’d see the hint of a grin coming onto his lips as you can tell by the way he said that. You’re sure of it.

Which is why you question, “Is it gossip?”

“It is.” Matty confirms, before correcting slightly, “Personal gossip.”

Oh, fuck yes. The best kind… Especially when it’s not about you.

You’re grinning, “Spill, now.”

“Are you sat down?” Matty asks, “You might want to be.”

“Oh fuck,” You immediately feel guilty for getting excited and not realising something could be wrong, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah everything’s grand,” Matty thankfully eases your worries, but he still leaves you anxious as he says, “Just need you to be sitting for this.”

“Okay… You’re scaring me now. What?”

“It’s George…” He trails off again.

But you prompt him to continue, your heart beating a little faster wondering what the gossip could be, “What about him?”

Matty tells you, “He texted me earlier saying he’d managed to shag the girl he’s been after for a while.”

And just like that your hopes and dreams of George all crumble away.

You pout at that, and you sound a little grumpy as you say, “Well he’s not just shagged me so that’s a lie.”

“You wish.” Matty laughs, expecting to hear nothing else.

He can’t help but find your disappointment funny. But he knew he needed to be the one to tell you, because you’d need the news to sink in first and you’d be too polite for your own good if George told you himself.

As Matty is thinking all of this, you realise you really can’t be upset. You’ve got your man now and you’re very veryhappy with him. Maybe you’re just mourning what could have been and the jokes that can’t happen anymore.

Sighing, you brave the pain, “Come on spill... Who is it? Is she pretty? Do we know her?”

“Oh, you know her alright.” You can hear Matty’s grin.

“Do not say Alexa Chung.” You state bluntly, the idea not funny in the slightest to you.  

Matty cackles at that, but he assures you, “No, you’re safe don’t worry.”

“Who’s he fucking Matty?” You urge him to tell you.  

“Charli XCX.”

Your jaw falls open for the second time today, and you gasp, “No.”

“I promise you.” Matty confirms, but now you’re truly shell shocked and you’re left speechless. So much so that after a minute, your best friend makes sure you’re still there, “Wheels?”

Lucky fucking bitch.

You say as you stare into the void, “I’m deeply unwell.”

“I knew you would be.” Matty chuckles to himself as he can picture the shock on your face so clearly.

You whine, “She’s so fucking fit.”

“I know.” Matty agrees.

But you’re still thinking out loud as you complain, “They must have the hottest, switchiest sex.”

Matty cackles loudly at the pain in your voice. “I’m going to tell him you said that.”

Ignoring that comment, you carry on rambling about this fake heartbreak, “I half feel like he’s cheated on me because he’s not told me.”

Matty quite rightly asks, “Have you told him about Alex?”

“No, so I don’t have a leg to stand on but still I’m in pain right now.” You winge.

“Knew you would be.” Matty chuckles, “We’re all off the market now, Wheels. The shop has closed.”

You nod as if he can see you, but you then go on to the more pressing point, “We need to find Ross someone, stat.”

Matty agrees, “I might set him up a Raya account.”  

“Do it, the man needs to get laid.” You approve, then joke, “If I wasn’t spoken for, I would.”

“Please expect the bro code, Wheels.” You can almost hear Matty’s frown.  

“I’m not your bro.” You state, half offended he would call you that.

Matty chuckles, “You’re my best friend, you are.”

And just as you’re about to argue that you’re had sex with him before so you’re not his bro, Matty swears, “Oh fuck.”

You’re worried for a split second, “What?”

“I’m late for my Zoom meeting with Jamie,” Matty panics a little, but nothings wrong so you take a breath of relief as your best friend apologises, “Sorry Wheels, I completely forgot and he’s ringing me.”

You just chuckle, “Ever the professional.”

“Sorry Sweetheart.”

“It’s alright.” You smile, “Speak to you soon, love you lots Curly.”

“Love you too, bye Wheels.” Matty quickly bids you farewell.

“Bye.” You say back and when the call ends you stand yourself up.

It’s almost too much news to take in. You have to take a breath as you wonder back to the kitchen where you can hear your boyfriend starting to cook.

After you put your phone on charge, you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist.

“Al.” You mumble as you hug his back.

“Yes Angel?”

“Don’t suppose you’ve ever thought about a foursome?” You ask, unable to stop yourself.

Alex chuckles, “With Matty and Twigs, no.”

You laugh a little too as that was definitely not who you were meaning. You correct him, “No, with George and his new girl.”

“Who’s his new girl?” Alex asks absentmindedly, no matter the answer he’s not going to change his mind.

You still can’t believe George has managed to land the stunning woman, “Charli XCX.”

Alex turns towards you at this point, looking just as shocked as you, “You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” You confirm it’s true.

“Christ,” Alex chuckles, “The pandemic has done the rounds for bringing couples together, hasn't it?”

“I know, I know.” You nod, and go back to having a silent moment with him, once again hugging his back whilst he cooks.  

But after a minute, you ask again, “So… the foursome?”

Alex snorts, before telling you, “Get out of my kitchen, woman.”

~*~*~*~ 30th November 2020 ~*~*~*~

“I don’t think we’re ever going to find one, Angel.” Alex sighs as you both get in the car after another disappointing house viewing.

You try to keep both of your hopes up by assuring, “We will.” as you do your seatbelt and get comfy as Alex starts the car.

Your boyfriend just looks visibly deflated though, which is how you’re currently feeling too but you’re trying not to let it get you down. The both of you decided that you wanted to find a home together, because you wanted to build a life together that was your own.

Originally it was Alex’s idea, because he didn’t want to refer to it as your flat or his house, he wanted it to be both of yours together. He wanted to restart with you and you were certainly up for it. You’re really not attached to your flat in London at all, and you’ve been living with Alex since June so you’re certainly up for it.

But the current search hasn’t been going too well.

“Each one has so many cons and it’s infuriating.” Alex huffs as he waits for the car to de-mist. He turns to you and holds up each of fingers for the cons, “Either no studio space or no music room space. It's either all dark and dingy and needs too much doing to it.”

“I understand Al,” You nod, getting what he means entirely, “Nowhere has felt like a home.”

He runs a hand through his once again prince charming hair, but he looks at you and sighs, “We couldn't raise a family in any of the ones they’ve shown us.”

The both of you have talked about your futures a lot recently and the prospect of starting a family has been talked about. Neither of you want anything right now, but the option being left open is certainly something you’re happy with.

You just continue to tell your boyfriend, “We will find somewhere.” as you grab his hand and lace your fingers together.

Alex gives your hand a squeeze and he kisses the back of it before sounding slightly upset as he admits, “I’m losing hope and that's really sad.”

You give him a sad smile hearing that but you do understand. You’ve not liked any yet either and it does get the both of you down. But you just try to stay optimistic but also realistic. It really isn’t the end of the world.

“Well we have the viewing later today and if that goes shit, how about we just put a hold on moving?” You suggest, “We’re not moving because we desperately have too, we’re just doing it for better convenience for the both of us.”

Alex looks like he’s about to argue, but you get to him first and say, “It’s really not that much of an issue me going to the flat to sort the paintings out. I can survive a bit longer.”

“I know, but I also want to make a home with you like we talked about.” Alex sounds so defeated and you just make him lean across the car to hug you for a few seconds.

“Home for me is where you are.” You tell him as you kiss his cheek, “So I’m perfectly fine in the house for a bit longer, Al. I’m in no rush... Let's just see how later goes and if we get a good feeling about it we can see.”

Alex nods and lets you go, grabbing your hand again as he nods, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I always am.” You chuckle and squeeze his hand, “You never know, the one later is a little further out of the city. More room there. And if you want to, I don't mind not being in London, we can go back home and look up there.”

Alex smiles at that idea, but he outs himself for not being able to wait around for anything, “I just can’t wait to build a life with you any longer. Need everything now.”

You grin at him and lean over to steal a kiss as you tell him, “I love you, Mr Impatient.”

“Love you too, Angel.” Alex mumbles against your lips as he kisses you back.

~*~*~*~

“So this one has most of the things you were asking for.” Your estate agent Anna tells you as the three of you walk up the drive of the gorgeous looking house.

“Lots of natural light, which I know you wanted for your art studio, Y/N. There's another decent sized room that could easily be turned into a home studio for you, Alex. It’s a little bigger than you wanted, but more space is never a bad thing.” She goes on to tell you as she gets the keys to the house out. “It's a four bed, two bathroom. Master has an ensuite, and there's an open plan kitchen and dining area. And the lounge is fairly big with a fireplace. There's also a pretty much brand new conservatory on the back and a big garden too.”

“Well it certainly sounds good.” You smile as she starts unlocking the doors, “Looks it too from the outside.”

The drive can easily fit a few cars on there which is nice, and there's a tree that currently has no leaves in the corner too. The outside of the house looks huge, somewhere that you would dream of living when you were a teenager and never imagining it would be possible for you to have. You just hope inside lives up to the outside.

Anna smiles at you both, and she says, “Fingers crossed this is the one for you both, I have a good feeling,”

“Let's hope it’s a good one.” Alex nods as she opens the front door.

Anna gives you the tour around and you must admit the more things you see of this house, the more you can see the potential in it. This is one of the few that you’re actually letting yourself get excited about.

The room Anna thought about as your art studio is perfect, there's enough natural light so you could paint in there and there's enough room to store your paintings and all your supplies too. There’s nothing you don’t like about it.

And Alex seems to like the room that she envisioned as his studio. You could already picture his guitars on the walls, a drum kit in there, a keyboard, there was enough room for everything.

The lounge is fucking huge, bigger than the two of you need but it’s cosy and if theres a future where the two of you ever decide to expand your family the house certainly accommodates to it. The joint kitchen and dining room is astounding too, you wouldn't change a thing in there, you love all the units and so does Alex.

Upstairs is just as good. All the bedrooms and the bathroom are beautiful and the only thing you would change about them would be giving them some colour on the bare white walls. You can certainly picture yourself and Alex in the master bedroom too. The whole house is stunning and the both of you get that excited feeling in your stomach as you look around.

Anna lets you wonder around by yourselves for a little bit where you get the relief of knowing that the other person has a good feeling about this house too. And as you come back downstairs, you realise you’ve not looked outside yet or been in the conservatory.

“Do we get to the back garden through the conservatory, Anna?” You ask, looking back to her setting her iPad down on the kitchen island.

“Yes there is a door in there and there's a door in the utility room too, but feel free to go out that way, the key should be in the door.” She smiles.

Both of you think that the conservatory has the potential to be very cosy, and there’s no neighbours facing this way either, the garden just seems to be surrounded by trees so it gives the garden some privacy which the both of you like.

“Lets go check outside.” You suggest as you slip your coat back on, and Alex follows you out.

It's a nice big garden. Big enough for your friends to come over for a BBQ in the summer, or if your family did expand a swingset, trampoline, or a pool could easily be put up and little ones could still run around it freely.

Even though most of the trees have currently lost their leaves due to the time of year, you still feel like this is a lovely place. Lots of light gets into the garden and you know even when all the leaves come back it won't feel suffocating. You really love this house and Alex agrees with you when you say it as you head back inside with him.

“What did you think?” Anna asks as she steps into the conservatory to meet you.

You nod, “It’s lovely.” and Alex nods agreeing with you.

“It really is, especially in spring and summer.” Anna smiles, and she looks out of the window and nonchalantly adds, “That cherry blossom tree makes the garden look beautiful.”

Instantly you and Alex look at each other like you’ve missed something. Because you’re certain you would have seen a cherry blossom tree outside if there was one.

It’s Alex that questions it, “Pardon?”

“That tree at the end of the garden,” Anna points to the big tree with no leaves at the very end of the garden, “It's a cherry blossom… When it's spring it blooms and looks stunning. I’ll find the pictures for you.”

You and Alex look at each other then as the estate agent looks through her iPad and both of you share the same look. The both of you entirely full of hope and you're sure the warm feeling must have hit his chest like it just did yours.

“There you go,” Anna hands her device over to you which shows an image of the back garden with all the trees in bloom.

But there’s a huge stunning cherry blossom tree in the centre of it, and it looks stunning. It looks like the one you painted on the big canvas that Alex secretly bought at your gallery.

Anna adds, “It’s the same as the small one out the front.” and she swipes on her screen which shows a smaller cherry blossom which is clearly the tree on the drive that had lost its leaves.

Both you and Alex look at each other again, this time with smiles tugging on both of your lips and you just know. If this isn’t a sign, you don’t know what is.

In reality, the both of you know that there is no need to look around again because you’ve both fallen completely in love with the house. The cherry blossoms have just confirmed it for you.

Regardless though, just to confirm it, you take another look around all the rooms as if you don’t know that you both want this house. And when you meet Anna at the front door, Alex grabs your hand and you smile at each other before your boyfriend says, “We would like to make an offer please.”

~*~*~*~ 7th April 2021 ~*~*~*~

“Hey!” You smile brightly as you open the door to your cousin and his girlfriend, “Come in, come in.”

“God, I'm so glad to see you Carly.” You say as you pull her into a hug, “I’ve missed you loads.”

“I’ve missed you too.” She says as she hugs you back.

As Alex greets your cousin, you tell her when you pull out of the hug and admire her long hair, “Gosh, every time I see your hair I wish mine was still as long.”

“It’s growing back.” She grins as she twists a strand of your hair.

You chuckle, “Yeah, just not fast enough.”

At that point the both of you turn to the two men. And you can’t help the massive grin that comes to your face when you look at Adam.

“Bro,” You grin as you hug your cousin, “It’s good to see you.

“And you B,” He tells you as he gives you a tight squeeze, “Missed you loads.”

“I know, these lockdowns need to fuck off.” You let him go as he says, “Really hoping that was the last one.”

From January to March this year, there was another lockdown in the UK. One that was a blessing and curse. A curse because the country was suffering from high Covid rates again, but a blessing because in those 3 months you had got the keys to yours and Alex’s house and you finished making it your own.

“I think it will be,” Adam is clearly hoping that was the end of another bout of self isolation too, “Don't think the country will survive another.”

You nod, agreeing, “Can’t wait to get back to normal.”

Adam hums in agreement and then he looks around the hall and around what he can see of your new home and says, “The house is stunning.”

“Ahh thank you.” You smile, the pride washing over you when you take a look around yourself.

Carly asks the both of you, “Did you get everything finished during the lockdown?”

“Yeah, we did.” Alex nods, and he grins at the memories of the both of you covered in paint in domestic bliss.  

Getting this house with you was certainly one of the best ideas he’d ever had and he would change nothing about it for the world. And on the rainy days recently, Alex had loved cuddling up with you in the conservatory where you would read aloud for the both of you as he was playing with the ends of your hair and his eyes would flick between you and the cherry blossom tree that had started to bloom at the bottom of your garden.

“Come on,” You link Carly's arm and say, “We’ll give you the tour.”

You take them round your home and you find yourself really proud to show it off. You’ve made it your own and every room that you walk into, you feel that pride that you felt each time you finished decorating a room during lockdown as you show them your home.

Once you’ve given the tour, you all walk into the kitchen so you can make them a drink. It’s so nice to have them around, you’ve really missed everyone again over the lockdown, you just can’t wait for things to go back to normal now.

And you’re really excited for your little housewarming party in a month's time. You can’t wait to have all your friends back together.

“It's gorgeous B.” Adam smiles as you hand him his cup of tea.

You grin, “Thank you.” as you take your seat next to Alex.

“Was talking about Alex's studio but sure the rest is nice.” Adam teases you.

But you just shake your head and tell him, “You’re a little shit.” as Carly nudges him for you.

All of you chat for a while and you have a really good catch up. You talk of how lockdown treated you all, about how you really hope life will get back to normal soon. You laugh about your funny lockdown stories over lunch and you can’t remember the last time you’ve had so much fun.

Well actually, you can remember the last time. It was in November when you finally got to hang out with all of your favourite people once again back up in your old flat, and Y/B/F and Charlie were back living together as the fact you all now had a vaccine on the horizon made the future look a whole lot brighter.

You felt like your family was whole again. Your Monkeys and your 1975 boys and your best friends all in one place. It felt like a birthday party, you were so happy.

Of course, you still got the flirty banter from George which Alex didn’t mind about, but what made your boyfriend giggle was when Charli started flirting with you too and you all but crumbled at it. Matty was still a terror and the banter between you was still exactly the same, he bullied you for anything and everything and you did the same to him.

That day you took it easy on him though because his girlfriend FKA Twigs aka Taliah had joined the party, but you did tell him that you were really happy he was happy in a moment you had when you joined him for some fresh air when he went out on your old fire escape to smoke. You really hoped for the best for him as he’d been with her for a while by that point and it was easy for you to see he was in love with her.

It was such a good day, and you’re remembering it fondly in an anecdote before you and Alex clear all the plates and make your cousin and his beautiful girlfriend another brew. Once you both return and all of you wonder into your lounge, you notice that the couple take each other's hands and seem to silently communicate with each other before smiling and looking back towards you.

“We’ve got to tell you something.” Carly smiles at the both of you and she grabs Adam’s hand making the statement even more suspenseful.

“Oh?” You smile, feeling like you know what this could be.

You and Y/B/F bet back on that day in November that in the next 6 months Adam would propose to Carly. And Alex knew about this bet too so you both glanced at each other subtly thinking that this really could be it, which makes you hold your breath with a nervous eagerness to hear what they have to say.

But then you’re shocked to your very soul.

“We're having a baby.” Adam grins at you.

Your eyes go wide with excitement, but you lose your words as you look between them, “You’re… you’re…”

“Yeah.” Carly nods, understanding your speechlessness.

“Oh my,” You trail off, immediately tearing up as you and Alex both stand up to hug the parents to be. Both of you say at the same time, “Congratulations.”

Adam makes a beeline for you, which you find really cute because you were going to go for Carly first. But you embrace your cousin so tight and you really don’t want to let him go.

You can hear Alex congratulating Carly whilst you and Adam just silently hug each other as you try not to sob down his ear. You think the hug says a lot more than you ever could.

You love the man in your arms like he’s your brother and you’ve so beyond happy for him. He deserves nothing but happiness and this is going to be the happiest thing to ever happen in your family.

“You’re going to be a Dad.” You cry happy tears as you squeeze him in the tightest hug you ever have, “I’m so happy for you Ads.”

“Thank you B.” Your cousin sounds a little choked up too.

You think about just how amazing he’s going to be with a baby and you can’t help but repeat yourself in a little chuckle of disbelief, “I can’t believe you’re going to be a Dad.”

Adam laughs, “Neither can I.”

“I’m going to spoil baby Hann rotten.” You promise him, already formulating a plan for everything you’re going to do for this child.

“Oh, I have no doubt.” Adam chuckles before you give each other another big squeeze and you let go to see he’s just as teary eyed as you.

You smile and wipe away his tears for him but you don’t bother to do your own because as soon as you look at Carly the waterworks start again. She’s tearing up a bit too as you trap her in a long hug.

“I'm so beyond happy for you, Carly.” You tell her and she thanks you as Alex tells Adam how elated he is for him.

You and Carly hug each other for a while too, probably too long but it feels like the both of you need it. And you’re giggling in each other's arms for a few minutes as you talk about how happy you are for them both and you promise her too that you will spoil her child rotten.

When you finally let go of her, you all sit back down but you’re far more invested in this conversation than you have been with anyone ever before.

Alex asks Carly with a bright smile, “How far are you?”

“Twelve weeks.” She grins.

“Who knows?” You have to ask, because you need to silently scream about this to someone after they have gone.

“Just the parents and now you two.” Adam tells you, “Had to come and tell my sister before the rest of them.”

Once again, the love and pride you feel for them being in your family and now making their own hits you square in your chest. You’re so overjoyed for them. You can’t wait to phone your Aunt as soon as Adam leaves.

“You’re gunna be a proper Auntie.” Adam grins and that makes your heart burst and tears threaten to come to your eyes again.

Alex pulls you into a little side hug as he laughs as he tells your cousin, “You’re going to have her sobbing.”

“I saw your eyes well up Turner, it’s not all on her.” Adam outs him which makes you giggle a little as Alex’s hug brings you some comfort.

“Are you going to find out if it's a little boy or girl?” You have to ask them.

And Carly excitedly tells you, “No, we’re going to wait.”

“I’m so so happy for you.” Is the one thing you keep repeating.

After talking and congratulating them for another 5 minutes, Adam nudges Carly with an excited look on his face and says, “We better go and tell the others.”

“Who are you telling today?” You have to ask so you don’t blab about it to someone you’re not meant to.

“The boys.” Adam grins, “Can’t not tell them.”

You chuckle a little as you think about it, “You’re going to make Matty cry.”

“What an early birthday present for him, ey?” Carly grins as she gets up to hug you, “But we’re telling him last because he will tell the others before we get a chance to.”

Alex laughs hearing that, “Probably a good idea.” as he pulls Adam into a hug.

“Yeah I know my big mouthed best mate well.” Adam laughs, hugging your boyfriend goodbye.

As you hug Carly, you promise her, “Your little one is going to get so spoiled.”

“I know.” You can hear her smile.

And when you pull away from the hug, you look down towards her stomach and you say directly to baby Hann, “I promise I'll give you all the chocolate you want. I’ll be the best Auntie ever.”

Carly giggles at that and when you look back up at her, she assures you, “You will be.”

“I love you,” You have to hug her again after that, “You’re going to be the best Mum in the world and thank you so much for making my little brother happy and giving him his own family.”

“We love you.” Carly tears up hearing you say that and she gives you a tight squeeze before she pulls back and puts a hand on her stomach and says, “And we can’t wait to meet this little one. He’s going to love you just as much as we do.”

“If you need anything please let me know.” You offer, “Anything, honestly.”

“Well, we might rope you into painting some animals or something in the nursery.” Adam grins as he moves so he can hug you now.

“Just say the word, I’ll bring everything, I’ll do anything.” You offer up your services, as it would be an honour to do for them. You can already picture the room that they would use in their house, it will be so cute.

“You’re going to be the best Dad.” You tell Adam as you squeeze him tightly.

“Don’t make me cry any more.” Adam laughs, “It’s been an emotional few months.”

“I bet.” You giggle before you tell him sincerely, “I love you so much Bro.”

Adam squeezes you tightly, “I love you too B.”

After the couple leave, you and Alex have a silent scream together, entirely buzzing that the family is going to be extended. Alex can’t help but feel like it's his brother that’s having a baby too, he feels just as happy as when all the other Monkeys told him that they were expecting.

But this hitting you so hard as it's your actual family has him feeling the joy even more intensely, and Alex fully intends to marry you one day so Adam is his actual family now too. Both of you know it’s the lives of being an only child that makes it feel even more special, but you’ve never felt so happy for someone before.

“Auntie Y/N/N and Uncle Alex, ey?” Alex brings you out of your thoughts. “Great ring to it.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” You grin and you get a little emotional again.

But that happens for the rest of the day. When you phone your Aunt up, you get in your feelings about hoping that you’ll be as good of an auntie as her to baby Hann and both of you just cry on the phone to each other for a long while as you wait for the others to find out.

You cry when each of the boys phone you after they have been told. It’s unsurprising they started with Ross as he is the most calm and collected of them all. And then they went to George and then Matty and by the time Matty found out it was about 6pm.

Instead of phoning you like he was going to, Matty drove to yours and Alex’s house in the rain so he could get excited with you both in person. And the three of you really did. You were planning gifts for them, Matty had a few ideas of things he wanted to commission you to paint for them (things you will absolutely not be charging for).

The other boys came round later in the evening too to join you and you all had the best time. You did phone Adam and Carly to come back too but they were driving up to Sheffield so they could tell Y/B/F and Charlie before going back to Manchester to tell more of your family.

All of you toast to Adam, Carly, and Baby Hann and the cutest family in the world that they will be. And with how much everyone in your house adores that couple, you know you’re all going to be the happiest family. You have no doubt at all.

~*~*~*~ 11th June 2021 ~*~*~*~

“Do you fancy a road trip?” You question your boyfriend as he stops playing his guitar. You walk into his music room and stand behind him as he’s on his stool to hug him from behind and you pre-warn him, “It’s a long one.”

Alex asks you curiously as he stops playing, “Where to?”

“Well it’s this place right, and someone wrote a song about it.” You try and fail to hold your grin as you answer him without actually answering him, “But it’s going to take us more than a forty-five minute drive to get there but not quite a seven hour flight.”

Alex puts his guitar down hearing and twists around on his stool. You see a surprised yet pleased look on his face, but his smile is bright when he wraps his arms around your waist and asks, “You wanna go back home?”

“Yeah,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck as you smile. “I need to go to my old house. My tenants are moving out so I need to decorate and get it back on the market.”

Your boyfriend's smile gets so much bigger hearing that and he excitedly grins, “So we’re going back to 505?”

“Yes.” You giggle loving the grin on his face, “About a week's trip if you’re willing to help me decorate?”

Alex leans forward to kiss you sweetly before nodding, “Course I will.” because there isn’t a chance he would miss going back to where it all started.

“Amazing.” You grin and because you’re a fool and you’re completely and hopelessly in love with the man in front of him, you quickly sit on his lap and shout over to your Amazon speaker, “Echo, play 505 by Arctic Monkeys.”  

And Alex chuckles as the song begins to play before he pulls you into a kiss.

~*~*~*~

Walking into your old home after your tenants handed you the keys back was a little strange. Obviously the place had been gutted and it was back at its barebones, almost exactly how you left it years ago.

Alex joined you at the front door after the family drove away and he held your hand as you unlocked the house and stepped inside. It’s been years since you actually had to come back into this house, and it’s a little eerie being back.

Memories of your childhood and teenage years flood back to you, both happy and sad ones as you both walk around the lounge, dining room, and kitchen. This home ultimately just makes you miss your Dad though, that's the overall feeling when you first walk in.

The memories of you and your friends chilling out in the lounge or kitchen come back to you and make you smile as you wonder back around the rooms that used to be the only home you knew. You find yourself getting really nostalgic as you walk around.

You only have very few memories of your Dad, but the ones you remember of him playing with you when you were a child, you tell Alex as you pass the spots in your old home that they happened in. Alex smiles and asks you questions about him and you answer all of them. You love that he wants to know more about him and what he was like.

Alex was always one of the few friends that always had asked what your Dad was like and that was something you appreciated because you didn’t want to bury his memory like your Mum usually does. So you tell him anecdotes that you either remember yourself or that you’ve been told about as you explore the hold house.

The stories were more family based whilst you were down the stairs, but as soon as you go up the stairs and you open the door to your old bedroom, you go silent. With Alex only a step behind you, the wave of nostalgia really hits you. For the briefest second, when you opened the door you could picture it as your bedroom again.

The old box TV constantly on the music channel in the corner, the low bed, your drawings pinned to your wall, your fairy lights hanging around your window, sheets upon sheets of poetry you printed off for free at school littering your floor. As you step into the room, you can practically picture everything clear as day.

Something feels lighter about being in the room now than it did the last time you were in it. You remember not wanting to be in this house so badly when you left it in 2008, but now it feels less bitter and it only brings back the good memories.

Memories must be flooding back to Alex too, because as you look around Alex watches you as he leans against your door frame and he smiles as he quietly says, “Where it all began, hey?”

Your cheeks go hot hearing that and you try not to grin like an idiot. The memories of that night really hit you hard as you're standing in this room and it's unsurprising when you get a little flustered and have to look away from him.

“How long after did you write the song?” You have to ask as you sit on the edge of the bed frame that the family had left behind.

“God,” Alex chuckles, “It was in the drafts for a while.”

Your boyfriend walks into the room and sits down on the floor in front of you then, looking up at you as he recalls, “I think some of it straight after… But it was mostly when I started thinking about you again when we became really close friends that it got all horny.”

“Teenage you was something else.” You giggle.

“Was just thinking back to us in here every time I saw you and my mind went straight down the gutter.” Alex owns up to it. “Rarely stopped thinking about you Angel.”

You smile hearing your nickname being said in the room he first said it in. But you can’t help but point that out, “You called me that for the first time in here.”

“Almost in the exact same positions, just swapped.” Alex grins, remembering it fondly.

You hum in amusement, “Yeah, didn’t take me giving you head to call it me this time.”

“God,” Alex groans a little, playfully saying, “That was the best night of my life.”

“Not exactly what I recall you saying last weekend, but sure, we will go with the night we lost our virginities.” You laugh a little then as Alex gets to his knees to shuffle forward to kiss you and shut you up.

He kisses you like you’ve both got all the time in the world, which you guess you do. Your fingers lace into his hair which if styled differently, he could probably look like he did back when the both of you lost your virginities.

Alex playfully bites your bottom lip to pull you into another kiss when you went to pull away from him, but you indulge him for a little longer. You try your best not to smile and ruin the moment but it gets a little difficult because you’re so happy.

Your heart feels like it could burst out of your chest with how much you love the man that’s kissing you. You just know he’s it for you, your everything, and the fact you're in the room where it all started has you a little emotional.

When you eventually pull away, you lean your forehead against his just to savour the moment with him.

After a silent minute, it’s Alex who asks as he pulls back and looks around the blank room,  “So where do you want to start?”

“Trip to B&Q and get the beige and white paints for all the rooms and we paint the days away?” You think out loud.

Alex nods approving of your plan and he smiles as he sits back on the floor.

“Sorry it’s a little boring.” You apologise in advance.

You know this won’t be as much fun as you both decorating your house because you’re basically taking the house's character away to let whoever ends up moving in to have a blank canvas to make their own. It will be a lot of boring white, grey, and beige painting of walls for the both of you.

But Alex shakes his head and assures you, “Nothing’s boring with you.”

That makes your heart ache with the love that you have for him again. And instead of saying it for the millionth time today, you show him in your own special way.

You smile as you tap your collarbone and you adore the way that your boyfriend’s face lights up completely. Alex’s own heart swells seeing you tap the words he once wrote you that have proudly displayed on your body and whilst he wants to tell you that he loves you verbally again, he settles for smiling back at you and tapping his own collarbone.

~*~*~*~ June 24th 2021 ~*~*~*~

Today you’ve given yourself the afternoon off painting 505 because it’s your birthday tomorrow and Y/B/F asked if you’d come round and see her which you and Alex currently are doing.

You’ve made plans to go out with them both for your birthday tomorrow and you’d had a great catch up with them. But you and Alex are currently in your old bedroom boxing up the last of your things to move down to your new home.

Both you and your boyfriend were left to do this after your best friend and her fiancé asked if you wouldn’t mind. Of course with not living with her at all anymore, you said it was fine and going through your stuff really wasn’t a hardship. It felt like you were going through your old memories with each thing that you picked up.

Alex is of course being a gem and helping you. And he’s currently taking all of your old books from your shelves and boxing them up for you as you collect the last of your shit from the drawers under your desk.

You’ve been going through things for about half an hour now, and you’ve already filled 3 boxes of stuff when Alex asks, “You’ve never read this have you?”

And when you turn to see which book he means, you immediately know he’s right. You never ended up reading that book he gave you.

It was the book he hand delivered to you that day you were packing to go back over to your Aunt and Uncles for their wedding. The same day Matty came around a little after him and they both made you try your dress on for them, and you remember just thanking Alex for the book and putting it straight on your shelf where you clearly forgot to pick it back up and read it.

“No, I guess we sent that many to each other I never got around to that one. I'm sorry.” You apologise as you walk over to him.

“It’s okay…”Alex smiles, genuinely not minding as it was only an old poetry book at the end of the day. Lot of memories in this book.”

“How'd you mean?” You ask.

Alex taps the book a few times before he reveals, “This was sort of the final nail in the coffin for me and Alexa.”

Of all things, you really weren’t expecting Alex to say that.

“What?” You ask a little dumbfounded.

Alex sighs like he’s finally just got something off his chest, “Yeah.” And you see that he then checks a page near the back of the book and reads over whatever it is before he smiles slightly and closes it again.

Still confused about why a book Alex ended up giving to you helped end his relationship with his ex, you end up needing to get clarity, “I thought that yours and Alexa’s schedules-”

“It was that.” Alex jumps in, confirming your right, “But when she came back to the flat in New York when we were on the break before we properly split, just after we were talking things out she found that book and she read the quote in the back that I annotated about a month after we started on the break of sorts.”

“I don’t remember you telling me about a break.” You say honestly, because you just remember how heart wrenched he was about the split.

“I didn’t want to tell you.” Alex tells you honestly, “I didn’t tell anyone, until now I guess.”

“I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her anymore and this proved it.” Alex shakes the book in his hand, not looking sad about anything, maybe just a little nostalgic which you understand.

But you can’t say you’re not curious when Alex explains, “She wasn’t angry or upset with what she saw, probably the reason why we’re still on alright terms because we’d been growing apart for a while before that anyway… But yeah, she read that and she was moving her stuff the same afternoon, and the day after I was on the phone to you telling you I was coming home.”

It seems a lot to process as you’ve not heard about any of this before now. But you have to know what’s been lying dormant on your shelf all these years.

“What did you write?” You ask curiously.

Alex hands you the book, his finger holding the page open for you, “Read it.”

And when you open it, you really weren’t expecting what you found.

~~~

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

This is how I feel about you Angel, always and forever. AT x

~~~

“You're an idiot.” You shake your head as you read the quote and his writing over and over again.

Alex knows he is. The month that he and Alexa went on their break he had been leaning on your friendship so much more and just from that month and every other part of your history, it made him realise his huge mistake.

And reading that poetry book that he found in particular which was all about love, it made him think so much of what he had felt for you in the past and what never really went away, and not what he was feeling for Alexa anymore. It was when he knew he needed to call it off for good.

Alexa just happened to pick up the book to see if it was hers but when she opened it and saw that at the back, they both knew it was time. Time to separate and go back home and for him to deal with his real feelings.

Alex doesn’t expect it, but when you look back up at him he sees that you’re a little teary eyed when you say, “You could have saved us a lot of time if you told me I needed to read this back when you handed it to me.”

Your heart feels like it's swelling and aching with longing in your chest as you tell your boyfriend, “This is the shit I dreamed of happening to me when I was younger.”

Alex pulls you into a hug, and you hold him tightly still not fully believing that has been on your shelf for the past decade and you’d not once touched it.

Your boyfriend makes you chuckle when he playfully says, “I think it’s your fault you didn’t read it sooner, if I'm honest.”

Knowing he’s only joking, you chuckle as you say earnestly, “I really wish I had done now.” and you hold him impossibly closer.

“It's always been you Y/N/N,” Alex tells you, and he kisses your temple before he admits, “Just took me a long while to realise it.”

You genuinely have to take a few minutes in his arms to process it, and when you eventually do, you look up at the love of your life and tell him once again, “I love you, Shakespeare.”

“I love you so much more, Angel.” Your boyfriend smiles before he leans down and kisses you sweetly.

Just as you’re about to let each other go and get back to your separate jobs, a voice shouting the both of you stops you.

“You two best not be shagging in the baby's future room!” You hear Y/B/F yell but it makes you and Alex stop dead.

You’re frozen in your spot for a solid few seconds just looking at your boyfriend as you both process the words you just heard. You have to ask him, “Did she just?”

“She did.” Alex answers immediately and he looks to your old bedroom door.

Both of you walk towards it and immediately walk back into the lounge seeing Y/B/F and Charlie sitting there with grins on their faces. You don’t have to ask because you know from the look on her face that she said that on purpose and that she is pregnant.

But you don’t blame Alex for wanting the confirmation, “Are you?”

Both of them nod before saying, “We’re pregnant.”

The way you dive for Y/B/F would be funny to her if she wasn’t already getting teary. The hug she receives is the best and biggest you’ve probably ever given each other but how can you not when your best friend since you were 3 years old has just told you that she’s expecting her own baby.

This is again another thing you really weren’t expecting to happen today and the mascara running down your cheeks is enough proof of that. You sit and cry with your best friend for a solid five minutes as you get information out of her.

“You can’t tell anyone yet, it's too early, but I missed my period and only just realised.” She tells you as you wipe each other's tears away, “Charlie got us in with his friend for a quick scan after the test came back positive… I’m ten weeks.”

Tears are freely running down your face when you ask, “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.” She tells you, “I was going to phone you, but then Charlie phoned his friend and got us the appointment for yesterday afternoon just to make sure everything was fine because I didn’t know and I’ve had a few drinks this past month.”

“And everythings okay?” You have to know before she continues explaining.

“Yeah, everything's fine.” Y/B/F nods, getting emotional again as she confirms, “We’re all fine and healthy. ”

Your best friend grabs your hand as she continues, “And then I was going to tell you to come last night but you’d already texted asking if you could come today and I wanted to tell you both in person.”

She looks at Alex then and you look at him for the first time since you found out and it makes you more emotional when you see he’s all teary eyed for her. You can see the love he has for her plain as day on his features and you feel like you probably look the exact same. This is just as important to you as finding out Adam is having a baby.

You get a little nostalgic, thinking back to the days when you used to think about this moment in your futures, and you ask your best friend, “Remember when we always thought we’d both find out if one of us was pregnant when we’re with each other?”

“I was telling Charlie.” She laughs nodding, and looks at her fiance who looks just as emotional as the rest of you.

“She said you’d be pissed she wasn’t with you when she did the test.” The nurse tells you with a little laugh.

“Not angry, don't worry.” You chuckle and wipe away your tears, “Just very very happy.”

And after you give your best friend a kiss on her cheek you get up to give Alex a moment with her whilst you open your arms up to her fiance.

“Charlie, give me a hug please.” And he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you tightly.

You hug and talk for a little while as you tell him how happy you are for the both of them. And of course you cry a little, but for you and Charlie that’s standard. That’s how your friendship began and you don’t plan on changing anything about that.

And then you think about what brought him into your life and you can’t believe that it was almost 8 years ago now.

“Don’t shout at me for saying it, but I really never thought I would say it and actually mean it,” And you’re entirely honest when you say, “But I’ve never been so happy that car crash happened.”

And you do actually mean it. You’d go through it all again if it meant everyone in your life would be as happy as they are right now.

“Shut up, you idiot.” Y/B/F scorns you straight away but you don’t care. But she does make you smile when she says, “I would have found him anyway... It was fate we would meet. I have no doubt about it.”

“I do too.” You laugh a little, having no doubt about it. But then you look at your best friend and really look at her and how happy she is and tears spring to your eyes again. You can’t help but tell her, “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She pulls you in for another big hug and you wish you could stay in it forever.

You truly love this woman more than any other on the planet. Yes, you always call George your soulmate but in reality it’s this woman in your arms that has got you through every part of your life. And you’ll love her forever for being there for you as much as she has.

You can’t wait for her to have this baby and eventually marry Charlie who is the person that makes her the happiest in the world… Wait, the wedding.

“And before the wedding,” You shake your head and look down at her stomach and tap it gently, gently scorning the baby, “You’re ruining the hen party I’ve planned out, young one.”

They are due to get married in 2 months time. After all the push backs they have had because of the pandemic, you know they won't postpone again, but this means you definitely can’t be doing the things you’ve planned for the hen party. But you guess you’ll let your unborn niece or nephew off just this once.

Charlie, Alex, and Y/B/F laugh hearing you say that and you chuckle a little too as your best friend promises you, “We will go all out as soon as they arrive, I promise… Two drinks and I'll be plastered then after not drinking for so long.”

After an afternoon full of crying and telling each other you love each other a million times, your best friend hugs tightly as you’re saying goodbye to each other and whispers, “Happy early birthday present.”

You grin as you try your best not to burst into more tears, you’re so happy, “Best birthday ever.”

~*~*~*~ July 6th 2021 ~*~*~*~

For the last month with only a few days off for your birthday, you’ve been finishing up 505 and you must admit, for days you couldn’t wait to be done. Decorating was tiring but also really fun when you have your best friend who’s also your boyfriend at your side helping you out.

Alex made everything fun. Whether that just be his playful nature or keeping you motivated with the amazing playlist he put together to keep you going it always did the trick. His flirting was also encouraging, even if sometimes it ended up hindering your progress.

For example, when you both got to decorating your old bedroom, the flirting was off the charts. Your cheeks were hot all day and it got no better when you ended up having a small fight with the paints that ended up with both of your clothes coming off and paint ended up everywhere. On your legs, on your arms, on your face, and other places that the both of you found comical when you had to wash it off each other in the shower.

The way each of you could tell where your hands had been was the funniest part of it and it made your cheeks heat up as you could practically still feel his touch all over you with the visual reminder helping the memories come back.

And whilst that was a fun day, the rest of the days all seemed to blur into one long and boring project. You just wanted to add more colour to everything but you knew you couldn’t for the sake of the new tenants.

But today is the day. You’ve finally finished painting the entire house.

Everything looks clean and brand new and you’re so fucking thankful its all done. And you can tell Alex is too.

You lean back into your boyfriend as he wraps his arms around your waist and hugs you from behind. Smiling at the trail of kisses he presses onto your shoulder and up your neck, you praise the both of you, “We finally finished.”

“I think we should celebrate.” Alex says as he leaves a teasing kiss on your neck.

“We can’t shag again, Al.” You shake your head, knowing that you really can’t.

Yes the time in your old bedroom was fun, but you’re decorating for it to be someone else's home. You can’t defile it before you put it back up to rent out.

He laughs into your ear which makes you chuckle too, but you feel him shake his head, “No, look outside… The weather is stunning. Let's go get some food from the shop and a bottle of something and let's go to the park. We can’t stay in here, the paint fumes will kill us off.”

You smile knowing that ‘go to the park’ means go to your spot. And you think it’s a good idea.

“Get a taxi back to the flat later then?” You crane your neck so you can look back at him.

“Yeah,” Alex nods, “It's going to be a stunning evening. Let's grab a blanket and some wine and food and let's just stay in the park.”

You’re grinning like an idiot, “Yeah, good idea.”

And the both of you are sitting under your cherry blossom tree within an hour of leaving 505. The air is warm and you end up having a picnic of sorts to start off with.

Both of you got a lot of food from the shop before coming here and you both indulged in all the food you chose. You put the blanket down underneath the tree that is still looking glorious and such a vibrant pink in today's sunlight, and after the picnic you and Alex lay there for a while just relaxing and listening to music.

When you were packing up the last of your stuff at Y/B/F and Charlie’s the other day, you picked up Persuasion to reread and you brought that with you to finish off too. Alex had his own book he was reading so the both of you read peacefully for a long while.

Eventually the two of you needed more light as the sun kept shifting, so the both of you moved to the bench after a little while. And you lay down across it with your head resting on Alex’s thigh as you both continue to read.

Absent-mindedly, you end up holding each other's hand when you get immersed into your novels as Alex’s hand hangs across the back of the bench and you’re ever so slightly reaching up and keep interlacing your fingers with his. It’s peaceful and it's beautiful and you wouldn’t change anything about it and neither would your boyfriend.

The peace is only disturbed if either of you speak up, which isn’t all that often, but when you reread the letter in the book you just get the urge to want to read it out loud so your boyfriend can hear the beautiful words that are on the page as well, “Al, listen to this-”

“What's it about first?” Alex has to ask, needing even just a little bit of context so he can appreciate what you clearly think is good enough for you to want to tell him out loud.

“You’ve not read Persuasion? Austen?” You look up at him and ask curiously, thinking he would have definitely read this one in his time.

But you're left a little surprised when he shakes his head, “No.”

“You want me to tell you?” You ask and Alex smiles and nods prompting you to continue. You explain to him, “Long story short, she was persuaded not to marry this man nearly a decade ago and now he’s just written this to her and it's everything.”

“Okay go on,” Alex prompts you, and Alex listens and watches as you read it for him.

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed.” You trail off a little before the end of the letter Frederick writes to Anne.

You look up into Alex’s eyes and ask, “How beautiful is that? Austen was a fucking genius.”

Alex is already smiling down at you, but he nods, “She really was.”

You talk about it for a little bit before going back to the books again. But silently the both of you think over the line ‘I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it’ a little bit more because you find it so relatable in so many different ways.

But being here with Alex by your side now, you wouldn’t change anything about your own story for the world. You’re the happiest you’ve ever been here with your boyfriend and you love him so much you can sometimes barely find the words to describe how he makes you feel.

The amount of times over the past year you’ve stared at the page in your poetry diary for a good ten minutes wondering where on earth to start writing about how you feel about Alex is something you’ve lost count of. At this point, he is just an extension of yourself. You love him so much that your heart aches in the best way for him all the time.

Even as you spend your day with him doing nothing but reading out here, in your spot in the park, it’s not a waste of a day. And that’s because he’s by your side. You adore spending time with him no matter what you’re doing.  

You end up finishing your book and sitting up beside Alex where you rest your head on his shoulder and look out across the stunning view of Sheffield. It really is a gorgeous place that you grew up in. You miss being here all the time but you’re happy that you always have the excuse to come back up here to see your best friend and to come back to this spot which means the world to you.

Alex ends up putting his book down not long after you and the both of you watch the world go by as the sun slowly starts descending making the sky change colours with it. As it does, Alex starts playing with the jewellery you have on which isn’t all that different from what your quiet moments in your own home end up like.

But this time, your boyfriend smiles as he twists your Death Ramps ring on your little finger with one hand and he hooks his finger into the bracelet he bought you which has the Only Ones Who Know lyrics engraved onto it. Alex sounds really happy as he says, “I’m really happy you still wear these, you know?”

“Well,” You respond playfully, “The person who gave them me means a lot to me.”

Alex smiles and plays along, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod in confirmation, your smile never leaving your lips.

“Sounds like a great guy.” Alex tries not to grin but fails.

“He is.” You confirm for him, “The best I could ask for really... My boyfriend and everything now.”

“Lucky man.” Alex smiles.

You him like you’re not so sure but only because you want to say, “Not as lucky as me.”

The small facade ends when Alex leans in to kiss you, and you kiss him back enjoying the cute moment between you. It’s short and sweet, but it serves the purpose despite the both of you grinning like fools in love through the entire kiss.

“I love you so much.” Alex tells you as he looks into your eyes.

“I love you too, Darling.” You smile, not having called him that nickname in a short while.

“Thank god,” Alex sighs in relief, and you’re about to ask why the playfulness until he continues and it all becomes clear. Despite the big cheesy grin on his face, you know that he isn’t joking when he asks, “Because I really wanted to ask if you’d marry me?”

And then Alex lifts a boxed ring up from beside him and offers it to you, his smile never once wavering.

Yours becomes a million times bigger, as the fact he has a ring in his hand means he’s been planning this for God only knows how long, and the moment was perfect. You don’t waste another second before giving him your answer.

“I’d love to marry you.” You nod, your heart beating erratically in your chest.

“Thank god.” Alex chuckles and before he lets you lean forward and kiss him, he grabs your left hand and he quickly takes the ring out of the box before sliding it onto your finger.

As soon as it’s on, you kiss Alex like your life depends on it. Everything you’re feeling right now is poured into the kiss and it is just pure joy and complete love and adoration for the man you now get to one day marry.

You love him with the whole of your heart and you truly want nothing more than to be his officially. Because you always have been his, one way or another.

You kiss each other until you have no breath left and until you can’t keep the smile off your face as you’re too desperate to tell him you love him over and over again. Alex doesn’t hesitate to keep telling you either.

But once the both of you process the moment enough to tell each other something other than your love for one another, Alex lifts your hand up which is now home to your engagement ring and he asks, “Do you like it?”

You look at it properly now, and it’s just like what you’d always dreamed of sitting on your ring finger. Taking it in and seeing just how happy your fiance is has you telling him, “It’s beautiful.”

Truthfully, you don’t think you’ll ever forget how big Alex’s grin gets as he simply says, “Had to match you.”

And you’re unsure how your heart doesn’t burst there and then. The ache of too much love for the person who’s been your best friend for so many years whilst simultaneously being so much more really overcomes you.

You almost want to scorn him when he gets in there before you to say again, “I love you so much, Angel.”

“I love you so much more Shakespeare.” You giggle, “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Alex nods, chuckling to himself as he reiterates those words back to you before he cups your face and pulls you into another kiss of a lifetime.

Austen really got it right. Your heart is more Alex’s than your own at this point. You’ve been through it all together and despite everything, he’s here by your side and you love him with everything you have.

You’re his Angel. He’s your Shakespeare.

Each other’s everything from the very start.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone who has stuck with me as I’ve been writing this fic. It really means a lot and I really hope you enjoyed the story and Wheels and Alex’s ending! Their story doesn’t really stop here… I mentioned a surprise that you’d all shout at me about and the surprise is that a small part of Alex and Wheels ending has been posted on my main account since before I ever posted the first part of NRIACC (told you you’d shout at me lol)… That little oneshot All Of You is a little extra part of their ending that I hope you can read/reread now and enjoy a little more. Can also catch Wheels and Alex’s ending continuing from a distance in Chicken Shop Date and they will appear in Part 5 of it when it eventually comes out (it’ll be faster than this fic I promise).

Anyway, just want to again say a huge thank you for sticking with my mental story and I really really hope you enjoyed the ending x

Note: I picked a few poems out for Wheels poems (wish i could have said i wrote them all but I'm not that good). I wrote the one that was about Matty. My friend @drinkurkombucha​ wrote the poems that have titles above them, and the others I found on Instagram. Full credit to the writers of those ones, a few were by courtney peppernell others were found on the lovequotes instagram page.

Taglist: @psychkunox​​​​​​​ @sofiaaraee​​​​​​​ @thewheeler​​ @cold-hands-cold-eyesss​​​​​​​ @xovalliegirlxo​​​​​​​ @vroboat​​​​​​​ @hoodskillerqueen​​​​​​ @woahhealy​​​​​​​ @emmaheg1005 @belledawnidk​​​​​​​ @elen-alambil​​​​​​​ @megann-duff​​�� @alexsvacuumcleaner​​​​​​​ @bshelley322​​​​​​​ @g0thwat3rr​​​​​​​ @cassieinnit​​​​​​​ @ohmyolympusssywp​​ @filling-thevoid​​​​​​ @xqueenkt​​​​​​​ @indierock4ever @amturners​​​​​​​ @alovesreading​​​​​​​​

#alex turner x reader #matty healy x reader #alex x reader #matty x reader #alex turner #matty healy #alex turner fanfic #matty healy fanfic #alex turner fanfiction #matty healy fanfiction #arctic monkeys #the 1975 #matt helders #george daniel #jamie cook #adam hann #nick o'malley #ross macdonald #miles kane

[yououghtaknow]

NEW CLIP: “Toxic”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31310330/chapters/77412089

#skam brighton #it's once again mashup time besties!!!!! #toxic relationships are only boring to miserable people. i'm having a ball on this bitch. #i'm joking. al and ellie have a very abusive dynamic. but it is very fun to write about. #also you may be asking yourself 'isaac why is one of the songs for this clip on the official playlist the glee version?' #easy answer. the glee version of diamonds are a girls best friend FUCKING BANGS. #it's amazing. it's so fun. also both moulin rouge versions are mashups that aren't in the clip so it makes more sense #unique was very important to me gender wise as a child #when she sang if i were a boy...... that transed my gender so very much #also if you want to listen to a really interesting analysis of how glee tackles gender check out the gleewatch podcast #their episode for 'props' gets into gender and performance in a really insightful way #they also provide trigger warnings for every episode they do and are really good at media analysis #also if you know where the title of this episode is from you know what a ride we're in for :) #genuinely i love writing skambr because i love writing how different types of people react and cope with trauma #i also love writing it because i can write gender moments that are so specific to me #also i'm listening to speak now (the album) whilst editing this clip and just. god. it's literally one of the albums of all time #ALSO someone liked my skambr seasons as ts albums post recently #and i said s6 was evermore before it even came out and i was RIGHT

[oikawaplssteponme]

hey cutie!! 🥰 okay so mashup time!!okay so a hopeless hey cutie!! 🥰 okay so mashup time!! okay so I'm romantic FOR SURE, almost to a fault… but also loyal to my friends ! I’m a gemini , and I know we get a bad rep, but seriously were not all bad !! some of my favorite things are (as you know) going to the beach, thunderstorms, watermelon, stargazing, and polaroid photos !! hq or bnha doesn’t matter, whatever you think hehe <3 boy please !

Your Matchup is with...

Izuku Midoriya !

~

relationship hc’s

• okay so i know you love izuku BUT i picked him because i genuinely think you two are a perfect match!

• you’ve got a big heart and izuku would see that and instantly be drawn to your kindness

• he would definitely still get nervous around you, even when you’re already dating

• he just wants to make you happy !

• (and he does)

• izuku wants to give you that fairytale fantasy, making sure all your romantic dreams are a reality

• he’ll randomly surprise you with flowers, whether it’s a special occasion or not

• dancing in a thunderstorm? absolutely

• waking up before sunrise for a picnic? you bet

• for an anniversary gift he took a Polaroid picture of the two of you EVERY DAY and put them all in a special scrap book for you

• he never forgets the little details about you, either they’re imprinted in his brain or his notebook

• he likes matching with you too

• whether it’s coordinated colors for a date or just matching key chains, he likes feeling connected to you

• date nights are usually simple, but thoughtful

• whatever you want to do, he’ll make it happen

• even if that’s staying in just in the couch

• he also loves calling you sweet nicknames

• his favorites usually being “sweetheart or honey” (or whichever one you like! )

• also

• BEST CUDDLES EVER

• im talking like the second you’re resting in his arms and he’s playing with your hair, it’s like HEAVEN

• izuku really does love you, and he makes sure to tell you

• every. single. day.

• he never misses a good morning or good night text, no matter how busy he is

• in terms of zodiacs, you both are very strong signs, but through your understanding of one another you’ll be able to keep each other happy !

• izuku once again wants to make you the happiest in the world (and he will <)

~

HI BESTIE!! ahh okay i hope you liked it!! kisses for you 😚💕ILY

#willow.🌸 #willow.requests🌸 #my hero academia #mha #bnha #my hero academia matchups #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu matchups

[agl03]

“Inescapable” Promo Breakdown

Yay Baby!  Mind Prison for the win!  AKA theories I will regret having about 7:15 pm next Friday.  I have also put the promo pics in here because it’s full of goodies too. 

Finally!!!  Yes, it’s in the Mind Prison but they are finally in the same dang room so I will take it!  I won’t be surprised if Atarah keeps running them through different scenarios to get what she wants or escalating the danger.  The failures lead them back to the beginning so we could see this reunion a few times.  And Jemma said as long as she is with him it doesn’t matter if they get out.

Ah, yes the long-awaited pre-bus flashbacks.  Now it’s important to remember that in another trailer for the Season we see Nightmare Jemma pushing Fitz there through a window/door and they go from that place to the Zephyr and the outfit Fitz is wearing in the Mind Prison.

I have a feeling that Nightmare Jemma is going to be like one of those horror movie serial killers that keeps popping up at the absolute worst times.  Here she’s showing up in what is either Young Jemma’s or Fitzsimmons’s Daughter’s room.   And the mashup of costumes continues, you can see some of Jemma’s servator make up on her forehead.  

Yay!  They are holding hands.  And yes I’m well aware The Doctor is stalking towards them.  He’s going to be like the horror movie killer too and popping up at crappy times.

“Couldn’t take a trip into the shadows without me” is an interesting line.  The Shadow is how Hunter referred to the Doctor when he was consoling Fitz.  It makes me wonder if Atarah has forced them to tap into this, she did it herself with her tech, or if one of them Suggests it as it gets worse and worse.

I HAVE CONCERNS!  Nightmare Jemma has Fitz strung up on the Zephyr and he looks terrified.  I’ve also noitced there is no sign of Jemma on the Zephyr, so I am worried that The Doctor has her or Jemma is desperately trying to get to him again.

There is how they are in Mind Prison.  Not sure if inside they are actually working on it or the tech is somehow pulling the solution from their subconscious as they are continually forced to watch each other in danger.  Enoch is watching over them and I do think that he will come through in the end and help Fitzsimmons escape when the time comes, siding with his Bestie and not his crazy ex (thanks for making me explain that to my kid AOS).

Jemma’s eyes are open meaning this could be as she is being put in, and she still isn’t fighting, meaning she could still be going willingly to get to Fitz.

Atarah laying it all out and likely explaining how it all works and what is about to happen.  We do have that show from a previous promo with Fitz holding his hand out so he could be trying to protect Jemma....or he gets his own villain speech.

Dude this is not Bohemian Rapsody you turn that down right now!   I’m going with this is the make it worse controller....or Enoch helping to bust them out.

Jemma reacting to the not so fun stuff inside.

See above.  

Now something that wouldn’t surprise me is if Nightmare Jemma is just trying to keep Fitz for herself as what she is wearing represents times that Jemma has lost him.  So that might even mean keeping him from herself.

This adorable little girl is either a young Jemma or Fitzsimmons future daughter.  I see her possibly being young Jemma since she is wearing the same sweater Jemma is.  This also looks to be when Fitz first arrives as that headboard thing is shifting into place like a scene.  Also, note The monkey on the end of the bed and telescope.

The book is titled “The Prince in the Stars” (fic writers have at it).  Fitz is very clearly there in the center but if you look under Fitz’s hand, you’ll see a Jemma in what could be her FZZT outfit looking up at him.

Adorable little girl telling FItz the prince there is him.

“Once upon a time, there was a prince,” and we can see Space Prince Fitz sitting sadly on top of a purple planet.

Happy cute fun times are over, now we get to play like a scene from the Ring.  If that little girl is a young Jemma, I wonder if something happens to make her ‘grow up’ quickly.  Or if she joins the scene.  What is also interesting is that looks like a closet door that is open next to her with the main door to the room behind Fitz.

The picture behind Fitz also looks to be a Dragonfly, which represents Change, transformation, adaptability, and self realization.  Tied to mental and emotional maturity and understanding a deeper meaning of life.

Still with me?  If so we are down to random thoughts/predictions/early theories.  

So far we’ve seen Daisy (maybe) and Coulson in the Mind Prison so we could see the rest of the core cast scattered around as things play out.  

I really do think that Enoch will come through for his bestie and will help them escape in truly epic fashion. 

Leaving a very mad and very dangerous Atarah in their wake IE she will be back!  And If she didn’t get what she needed from Fitzsimmons she’ll go after them again.

If the writers need to work in a good time jump this is where they will do it.  Meaning they can keep Fitzsimmons trapped in there for a long time.  

I’m still sticking to my bold prediction.

Okay feel free to send asks in and as always more will come to me as the week goes on.

#aos spoilers #fitzsimmons

[voicenotesmarais-blog]

being besties with why don’t we would include:

• having impromptu tea times

• zach messing up and choking on tea

• you, hitting zach’s back, so he won’t die

• jonah doing amazing at his accent

• you mocking jonah

• playing pranks on jack as much as possible

• “accidentally” putting green hair dye in jacks shampoo

• in return, jack “accidentally” shaving off one of your eyebrows

• daniel somehow getting pied even though he doesn’t know what’s going on

• daniel being mad at everyone for the rest of the day

• you cuddling up to daniel asking for forgiveness

• and then pieing him in the face again

• making mini mashups with corbyn and jonah

• listening to the mashup and cringing whenever you come on

• them randomly singing in the middle of walmart

• you, having to pretend that this was the plan

• playing fortnite with corbyn and having him carry you both the entire game

• “i can carry us this round corbyn”

• and then dying immediately after

• jonah forcing you to get a pedicure with him

• you let him pick out your color

• and he somehow lets you pick out his color

• you and jonah having matching toes like the bESTIES YOU ARE

• group hugs. like a lot. of group hugs

• always having to film their mashups

• sucking at filming their mashups so you’re forced to sit and rethink your actions

• movie nights with pizza!!

• scary movie nights with pizza!!

• having terrible nightmares because of those scary movie nights!!

• late night cuddles with zach so you won’t be scarred for life!!

• forcing corbyn to play fortnite with you again

• ”i’m not gonna carry you again”

• you getting mad and saying you don’t need him anyway

• deciding to play fortnite without corbyn

• you, once again, dying within 5 minutes

• you and jack poking each other on the cheek JUST to annoy each other

• having daniel rest his elbow on your shoulder JUST to make you feel small

• you and zach having to do your secret handshake at least once a day or else the world would feel wrong

• they also harmonize at random times a lot and you’re just there like

• ????

• “okay we get it guys, you can sing”

• “but do it again please”

#wdw #why don't we #jonah marais #jonah #marais #jack avery #jack #avery #corbyn besson #corbyn #besson #zach herron #zach #herron #daniel seavey #daniel #seavey #blurb #imagine #preference #8 letters #fluff #short #bullet #besties #bestfriend #best friend #cute #headcanon #canon

[differentworlds-fiction]

31

TARIN

In terms of hair, complacency with the regularly recurrent had never been Marjani Hunter’s forte. Whether she sacrificed a good night’s rest to scrounge the depths of Youtube for in-depth protective style tutorials, or she begrudgingly put her trust in the hands of a beautician from around the way with hopes of an end-result that exceeded her expectations, my friend tended to experiment with her hair quite often; leaving no style -- or color -- unattempted.

Over the years, I bore witness to the multitude of drastic hair transformations -- the burnt orange dye job I happened to grow fond of after a week of loathing, the effervescent bubblegum pink travesty she soon followed the former up with that haplessly damaged her hair by the onset of summer, and the befitting buzz cut she wore proudly subsequent to vowing she would ‘never allow an ounce of relaxer touch her head again’.

In true Marjani fashion, she revoked her pledge. And by that very same summer’s end, she commenced to relaxing, chopping and dyeing her short amount of hair that barely made it past her ears, settling on an auburn rinse styled into the cut reminiscent to Halle Berry’s in Boomerang.

However, this particular ‘do she chose to sport trumped them all.

She emerged from the sitting area in the lobby of my building wearing a wig the color of slime green; the neon colored locks cascaded down her back and its feathered fringe strands continuously grooved against her eyelashes. By the front desk, my eyes widened in astonishment; the sight alone prompted me to stuff my phone into the tiny satchel that draped along my shoulder and stare longingly at her as she gaited towards me, scooting by the passersby who’d failed to properly excuse themselves.

My eyes narrowed the longer I peered at her.

Marjani assessed my expression with a raised eyebrow, waiting for my initial reaction.

“...I actually like it.”

In response, Marjani kissed her teeth. “Stop lyin’.”

“No, really I do. The color might’ve caught me off guard at first, but I like it on you. Looks good.” I explained, taking notice to the subtle grin tugging at her heavily glossed lips. That subtle component of her fully made up face complimented the vivid smokey-eye I presumed she spent a majority of her time on.

I crouched down and inspected the wispy hairs, wondering if she’d styled the wig herself or paid someone to hack it for her. “It’s secure, right?”

“Girl, of course. I’m not about to be out here with my shit slippin’ off. This,” She tugged down the length of the wig’s pin-straight shaft, “ain’t going nowhere.” Her hands then fussed with the drawstrings that altered her ruched top. Gold chains dangled from her neck, exposing her decolletage coated in a cast that shimmered from the recessed lighting fixtures. “Don’t you ever get the urge to switch it up a bit?” She queried, messing with the braid out I managed to salvage when returning to New York.

Since my departure from Hill Sunday morning, it remained pulled into a pineapple until I mustered up enough patience to let it down and revive it with water and a generous amount of curling cream.

“I haven’t gotten the urge to make a drastic change to my hair. Not yet, at least.” I answered truthfully. “Who knows, maybe in a few months, I’ll want some highlights --”

“-- Or maybe you’ll cut it all off…and get some highlights put in to, you know,  liven it up.”

“I don’t know about chopping all of my hair off, Jani.”

“What’s there to think about?” She questioned. “I read an article once that stated women should chop their hair off at least once in their lifetime. I can’t even begin to explain how liberating -- how freeing that shit feels! I’m aware that hair is such a big deal to us,” she ran a finger over the top of her hand to indicate her complexion, “but that needs to stop.”

I nodded in agreeance, recounting instances throughout my adolescence where hair, its texture, and length remained a central fixture of one’s identity, and caused such a hangup amongst the women that resided around us. Even my decision to no longer routinely succumb to the overheated bonnet dryers at the local Dominican hair salon garnered a lighthearted scolding from Mama Sarah years ago, especially when I failed to conform to the unspoken tradition of taking Ayla to get her hair straightened for school pictures and preferred her to wear natural protective styles.

Too immersed in my own thoughts, I hadn’t noticed Marjani bringing her hand forth and toying with the coiled wisps hanging past my neck. “I could see you with a low cut like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale. Maybe even something a lil’ shorter. That Amber Rose buzz-cut might look fresh on you, girl.”

“I’d never.” I expressed vehemently, feigning my doubtfulness of possessing enough oomph to pull it off.

“Hey, you never know.” Jani retorted, adjusting the strap of her shoulder bag onto her shoulder. She attempted to pick up the pace in an effort to remain beside me, producing shorter strides as she no longer sauntered on the soles of her chunky platform sandals.

On the way out of the lobby, I acknowledged the building’s concierge manning down the anchoring front desk by nodding in his direction, receiving one in return and a pursed, yet amicable grimace as well. Rather than wasting fare by lazily hailing down a cab to take us to our destination, Marjani and I opted to walk the two blocks and enjoy the tepid, night air that embraced our skin. In the midst of making aimless small talk and bringing each other up to speed on what’s occurred since our last outing, and taking selfies all while dodging civilians passing by, a subtle mention of Hill was made, followed by an inquiry about an apparent photo that was making rounds through a few celebrity gossip sites.

“You know they’re callin’ you a mystery woman, right?” Jani chortled, stuffing her smartphone into the open compartment of her shoulder bag. “Let’s hope those crazies don’t find your place of employment. Some of those self-proclaimed journalists -- and I do use that term very loosely -- find stuff out like that for the sake of ‘investigative reporting’.” She expressed, using air quotes. “Next thing you know, there’s a bunch of assholes with cameras waiting for you, ready to pry right into your business as if they’re entitled to it.”

I halted in moving any further and looked her square in the eye. “I highly doubt that’ll happen.”

“Mhm,” Jani grumbled, “you’d be surprised…”

“Let’s not even put that into the universe, because that’s the last thing I need right now.”

“Right.” She agreed and nudged me in the arm to walk again. “Can’t say that I’m not surprised at all this, though. When you called me from Vegas, I was a bit skeptical of it -- of him -- because at the end of the day, Hill is an athlete. Most of them tend to run through women like they run through drawers…”

“I know --”

“One could argue that the athletes get more action than the singers. Maybe even more than the rappers…”

“Yes. I know. I get it, Marjani.”

Heaving an exasperated sigh, she pursed her lips together, preventing herself from uttering another word on the matter once she sensed my sudden uneasiness about where the conversation was beginning to head. “Sorry.” She said apologetically.

“It’s just that,” I paused, “I like him, is all.”

The corners of her lined lips hiked up a bit at my utterance, hardly faltering when I too allowed a grin to etch its way across my face.

“What?”

She was hesitant to answer.

“I haven’t heard you say that about anyone since Richie.” She stated, the corners of her lips hiked up a bit and faltered into a grin of indifference. A sigh swept past her lips. “If anyone would’ve told me months ago that my prudish bestie was going to dust off the cobwebs and get her pipes cleaned  --”

“--Marjani, please stop!” I insisted. My hand shot up and I could feel heat rushing to the height of my cheeks, albeit, laughter couldn’t help but spill from my parted lips. Upon hearing her spiel of laughter, I guffawed, feeling tears brimming my eyes as I keeled over and giggled.

“I’m just saying,” she managed to get out, “I didn't know you had it in you. No pun intended.”

Subsequent to regrouping by a nearby bakery and reluctantly answering a few invasive questions, we reached our destination; past the Chelsea Market, between a trendy boutique and a deserted eatery, was a nondescript bar with people drifting inside, paying an entry fee before crossing the threshold.

In droves, people packed into the cramped establishment equipped with minimal stools surrounding the crowded bar. Manning the taps and gliding beers down the sticky surface was a buxom woman dressed casually in a black t-shirt; in bold letters ‘ROUGE’ was emblazoned by what appeared to a feathered boa stretched fiercely across her bust area.

A mashup of pop hits from the early 2000s emitted through the speakers, inciting the individuals around Jani and me to sway along to the infectious interpolating cadence.

My eyes wandered towards the horde of chairs surrounded a makeshift stage. And behind the stage were pieces of shimmery garland that dangled from the ceiling, distinctly warning the patrons not to advance past the festoon of hung decorations.

“Your friend from the graduate’s program...,” I leaned close to Marjani, “is he here already?”

After ordering a disproportionate vodka tonic, she took a timid sip and squeezed a lime wedge into her highball glass prior to simply muttering, “yep.”

Sometime in between Marjani downing the rest of her cocktail and me screening my phone for any text messages from either Hill or my mother concerning Ayla’s finicky request for dinner, she began divulging about her newfound friend she’d met by chance.

He was far from a veteran, per his own admission to Marjani one afternoon during a mandatory digital fabrication workshop, albeit, Raheem Lee was more than content with his weekly residency at ROUGE. His penchant for female impersonation garnered a bit of a buzz throughout Manhattan more for his performative imitation of Whitney Houston that seemed to go over well with the masses.

Unlike the previous shows we’ve attended on our respective celebratory birthday outings that were oversaturated with performers impersonating the likes of Cher, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, and Kylie Minogue, this particular drag show where black and brown patrons predominantly frequented highlighted entertainers of color as drag queens chose to skillfully pay homage.

Upon being provided with her second overpriced cocktail, Marjani led the way toward the adjoined alcove. Tonight’s show attendees began claiming seats closest to the stage, leaving us to rush toward the two empty chairs placed some feet away.

Simultaneous to us dropping our bags on the lucite tabletop between us, brilliant lights flickered on and averted towards the stage’s center; the emcee emerged, donning a sheer fabric dress bedecked with tropical leaves.

In a sassy, high-pitched tone, she revealed her name was Chi-Chi; the seductive introduction was followed up with a pose that showcased her toned legs and jeweled stilettos. As the crowd waited for the actual showcase to begin, Chi-Chi made her rounds amongst the inebriated patrons, asking outwardly invasive questions that proved to be funnier than either of us let on. In an instant, the beaming light fixtures transitioned to a soft, pink hue, intensifying the moment Chi-Chi sashayed toward the far end; the scanty, exotic green number hung loosely against her, threatening to groove down the ample curvature of her broad shoulder.

She extended her hand forward, and as if on cue, another impersonator strutted on stage, inciting an uproar from the crowd that the emcee hadn’t expected. In comparison to Chi-Chi’s stature, she was slimmer, and a little on the petite side even when wearing a pair of heels. Her honey-colored hair, both tousled and grazing past her shoulders, had been held up by a bow that complimented the dress stopping right above her knee.  

Across the small table, Marjani swallowed hard; her eyebrows rose and her eyes beamed with excitement. I took notice of the expression bestowed upon Marjani’s face. It was a mixture between awe and intrigue -- a silent reverence and fascination as she stared longingly at the other individual standing inches away from Chi-Chi.

The applause and hollered praises continued, making it difficult to hear the emcee formally introduce who I concluded to be Marjani’s friend dressed as Whitney Houston.

The only utterance audible was a single mononym, Monaé.

Rather than following suit after her heavily done up counterpart by prematurely engaging with the people in attendance, Monaé placed her hand on her hip; the subtle signal prompted the DJ to cue the music, and soon, a familiar rhythmic dance beat pervaded the room from the bass-equipped speakers set up nearby. My eyes remained affixed to Monaé as she moved across the stage, lip-synching every word of “How Will I Know” with ease.

She bopped and swayed emphatically, tossing her hair from side to side in lieu of the awaiting patrons holding out dollar bills. Without missing a step, she took the folded currency into her possession, coolly stuffing it into the padded brassiere exposed from the tank dress she wore. A smiling Marjani rummaged through her rather large hobo bag in search of her wallet, prompting me to do the same and retrieve any cash I had on-hand. As Monaé strutted off stage, making even strides in our direction, a few bills dangled from our hands. She passed by a group of guys, politely grasping each hand and giving them an affectionate squeeze in an expression of thanks. She strutted over, stopping only briefly to receive the dollar bills and caress the fullness of her cheeks.

Monaé maintained her character all without incident and proceeded to get the rest of her cash as the current song faded out.

***

The following morning, afflicted with a sore throat from unapologetically butchering ballads and reciting raunchy rap lyrics, I hurried to the nearest coffeehouse for chamomile tea before sliding into the awaiting town car provided by Cara for my mid-morning excursion. After hearing of the related news from Cheyenne that I cut out making the pointless commute to the office just to simply rush and meet with Haneef Parker, an email idled my notification center, stating that a chauffeured car service would be parked in front of my building.

In the palm of my left hand, my iPhone danced erratically against my skin, prompting me to stare downward at the new notification illuminating the once darkened screen. A text from Cheyenne confirming a scheduled phone call set for three o’clock sharp covered the lock-screen image, a capitalized ‘DON’T FORGET!!!’ soon followed.

Despite having to reroute and cut through various side streets after a fender bender between two motorists, the driver pulled up along the curb residence crafted by brick. Terracotta pots containing red begonias were placed on the outer ends of each step, contrasting with the black door and dark shutters framing the sashed windows. The minor yet noticeable domestic additions quickly reminded me of my sole purpose for meeting the R&B singer at his West Village townhome; a surprise baby shower for his pregnant significant other needed to be thoroughly planned.

My stare shifted and I made contact with the individual idling the driver’s seat.

Rhythmic thumps pervaded the small confines of the town car as the driver produced repetitive taps along the steering wheel, matching the cadence to the low tempo song pouring through the radio. Through the rearview mirror, the two of us made eye contact, exchanging courteous smiles briefly. I exited the car with my belongings in tow and expressed that I should be no longer than an hour right before closing the car door.

I raced up the four steps and knocked on the front door.

A short woman donning a pleated short-sleeved tunic and matching slacks answered, offering a warm smile.

“Hello, I’m Tarin -- Tarin Mena. I’m here to meet with Haneef --”

“Yes. He is expecting you,” The woman scooted aside, “right this way.”

I followed her beyond the foyer and through a hallway with walls decorated with canvases that combining elements of text and image. Ornamented tapestries draped along the wall adjoining a set of double doors that were left slightly ajar.

“I’d be more than happy to dispose of that for you...” The woman I presumed to be the housekeeper reached for my empty Starbucks’ cup but hesitated, fighting the urge to ask whether the disposable grande cup was, in fact, empty.

Obliging I handed her the cup, and she motioned toward the opened double doors.

“He’s in there,” was all she muttered before turning on the soles of her tennis shoes and heading back down the hall.

Heaving a low sigh, I tapped lightly against one of the doors, stealing peeks of Haneef seated comfortably with her sock covered feet propped atop a coffee table. His eyes drooped mercilessly as he grasped the remote, lowering the volume as political pundits debated about the current state of healthcare on MSNBC. I cleared my throat, garnering Haneef to turn his head in the direction of the door.

The barest hint of a smile played about his lips, dissolving just as quickly as it appeared.

“You don’t strike me as the type to reside out in these parts.” I entered the room, although I had yet been formally invited in by the crooner himself, “and we could’ve rescheduled to meet at a later date.”

“My girl’s out of town visiting her folks until tomorrow. Today was the only we could’ve met up without her finding out.” He explained, muting the mounted television entirely.

Having very little desire to waste his time, I dug into my back pocket and recovered my phone and unlocked it; the most recent tab displayed a former textile warehouse that had been renovated.

“I strongly suggest the full venue buyout; the upstairs and downstairs. With the additional space, there’s room for more possible seating, and tables. If you want, we could incorporate games throughout the gathering.”

His smile reappeared, putting me in the mind of the same grin plastered across countless magazine posters that were once taped to my bedroom wall. It was infectious in the way that, after a beat of silence, I too produced a smile and bashfully averted my stare elsewhere. My attention happened to fall on the only framed photo set upon the coffee table. 

Placed beside a stack of hard-covered books was a black and white snapshot of who I presumed to be his expecting significant other, clutching her protruding baby bump with Haneef’s hands placed over hers.

“Now about food,” I cleared my throat and winced slightly at the soreness, “initially, I planned to bring in a catering team based in Midtown. Unfortunately, since we couldn’t get a move on planning the event, they won’t able to provide their services. There is, however, an executive chef that’s working on another event I’m planning. I’m supposed to get on a conference call with him and his partner this afternoon. If there’s availability, I could request a quote, and follow-up with you before five o’clock...”

“I hear the ‘but’ in your voice.” He noted, toying with the hem of his t-shirt.

“There was,” I confirmed, and released a breath.

His stare that was once trained upon the muted television shifted in my direction, lingering as she nodded in the direction of the empty space beside him on the loveseat.

I sat down, facing forward with my palms resting atop the slim-fitted slacks I wore.

“Before I request a quote from the chefs for the shower, I need confirmation on how many guests are attending. We can’t move any further unless I have a set guest list with names and reliable contact information.”

“I hear you,” Haneef uttered plainly. “You’ll have your list before three. I’ll make sure of it.”

Silence loomed over the quaint den until Haneef sat forward to straighten out his limbs.

“Still wiped out since coming off the tour, huh?”

He blew out a breath to conceal the hearty laughter escaping him, “You have no idea.”

“I can imagine,” I said, pursing my lips together soon afterward.

Letting out an exasperated breath, he muttered something about time finally catching up with him. “Touring never felt that physically taxing on me, ever. This week was only a taste of what’s to come.” Haneef uttered, running a hand down his face. His lips parted as if he were about to utter something else, but the light raps against the den’s double door deterred him from speaking altogether.

Poking her head between the small space, his housekeeper announced that brunch was ready and being served in the kitchen. She looked at me questionably. Her brown eyes held some hesitancy, just as they when she felt inclined to take my thermal cup upon my arrival.

Her trained glare prompted me to stand and gather my belongings.

“Yo,” Haneef called out. Had he not tugged lightly onto my blouse sleeve, I would’ve assumed he was speaking to the housekeeper. “You ever had spinach frittatas?”

“Not to my recollection, no.”

“Well, would you care to stick around to have some?”

Without hesitation, I nodded, certain that the growl emitting from my stomach would have been a dead giveaway of how hungry I was.

#Different Worlds #Different Worlds Fiction #fiction

[jenncognito]

The Nine Spell Sisters You’ll Meet in the Cactus Garden of Insta

If you've found this blog lovely, deep down you already know you have a serious problem. It’s cool. As useless as reading this will be to save your wallet, you’ll find some peace in knowing we’re in this together. So let’s get on with the first step in solving acknowledging our shared problem by admitting that some or all of the following shit has been going on lately:

“We”* have been frantically Googling Spell and the Gypsy Collective, Joplin Jacket or worse Spell Xanadu eBay... or even more hopelessly tragic Spell Folktown. We've been waking from dreams of blue skies and going to bed fantasizing about Lotu...actually we don't go to bed - at least not lately. We’re not sleeping much are we? No. We’re up sweating; obsessing over the one that got away... or in all probability will, at the next drop - because our internet isn't fast enough; because 7 seconds is suddenly an eternity during check out; because XS sells out first. Every. Fucking. Time. What we have is full blown PTSD - Post Traumatic Spell Disorder, with more than a healthy side case of drop anxiety.

* Please note the use of the ‘Spell sister we’ here.  Much like a ‘spousal we’ this in fact means you.

Sound about right?

Welcome friend. It's nice to have you. You’re safe here. At least until the end of May, when Lotus drops.

Ever wonder how this started? I do (and so does my husband, my wallet and all my abandoned hobbies.)

Since science is ignoring me won’t explain the root cause of my condition, I've been working on a few conspiracy theories to help explain how one innocent retail therapy sesh, consisting of a Route 66 dress, turned into a full blown brand dependency that has me mapping out intricate buying strategies a full 48 - 72 hours before every drop:

Conspiracy Theory 1: Spell infuses their hand drawn fabrics with Stevie Nick's breath which they have bottled into microscopic nanotubes that fit into the heads of sewing needles. After the Australian TGA denied approval on a Stevie Nicks Vape pen, wherein the user would actually inhale the muse’s vocal chord filtered CO2, Spell had a shitload of unregulated gypsy breath on their turquoise encrusted hands. As Spelly and Lizzy are committed to sustainability, they quickly found a way to repurpose this rare and precious resource. The result? Once you start wearing a Spell piece, Stevie’s magical gypsy breath whispers into your pores, delivering you an effortless high that obviously demands you chase it again and again... on the wings of an enormous owl, obviously. Why this is probably true: Look no further than yourself - yes or no, you increasingly find yourself totally down with multiple layers of lace you would have never considered wearing at this age (or since that rad 1990 Jr. Prom dress)? Yes or no, you have found yourself with both a Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac Spotify Channel on endless rotation? Yes or no, when someone mentions the word leather, you blurt the lyrics “take from me my laaaace?” (note: There is actually a Spell Sisters 70’s Festival Jamboree playlist on Spotify. You’re welcome from Lulu Mey, the goddess who created it.)

Conspiracy Theory 2: Spell runs a genius instagram account 782k followers strong and just when you think you can ‘totally survive without another piece from Festival ‘17 BAM - you see it styled on a muse that could easily be you. You could be in Thailand, in that backless Lolita, in front of that waterfall, with those lovely beachy waves in your hair and no shoes because you floated there (on the owl - duh.) In fact it probably IS you… because they plucked that image straight out of your unicorn mind, put a 72% Lark filter on it and fed the ‘travelling you’ right into that instagram channel. They did this as a courtesy ICYMI; you know, all the retargeting ads the other gentle signs reminding you that you actually do NEED this piece in your life and it’s no longer optional. Why this is probably true: because it is true. See: @spell_byronbay.

Pick your theory but the FOMO (Folktown Obsessed Must Own) is real. Obviously, they have put a serious Spell on us - sorry not sorry, pun was too obvious. Show me another brand tribe that feels compelled to share their instant bond on insta when they show up full twinsies at a party (Who wore it best? Both of us! Yay! Love you! Love you more! #twinsemoji) Show me another brand tribe that has women from ages 18 - 81 searching for a magical unicorn in the shape of a mumu. Show me another brand who has more authentically gorgeous UGC. See: #myspellcollection #spelldesigns #spellskirtswish #vintagespell #spellluxelace #spellfestivalstyle

While we share a familiar ache in our wallets and art museums for closets, we’re a globally diverse tribe to be sure. Still yet, with every Spell Sister you meet, you connect with a little piece of yourself, right? Just in case your affliction is fresh and you’re still trying to find your cactus rose footings... Here’s the short list of the nine Spell Sister’s you’ll meet fall in love with in the cactus garden we call Insta (ps, I’m @jennvonhagen )

1) The Unconditional Lover: She buys something from every drop, and even if she's secretly not 100% sure it works on her, she's committed to making it work and her tribe is there to help her rock it hard. Queue the extra large knotted hemline and for God’s sake woman - just belt it. Spell can do no wrong - not even a dress recall phases her - she kept that Blue Skies Maxi Wrap dress, and she wears a kimono made of bubble wrap over it - and somehow it actually works for her - because she belts it.

2) The Fresh Collector: She "just found this new brand OMG" Bae got woke somewhere right after Hotel Paradiso and she can't shut the fuck up about her OZ obsession - because she DISCOVERED it you guys. We don’t blame her for the misconception, we felt EXACTLY the same way. Her insta is full of ‘lowered gaze’ shots that have you wondering WTF she’s staring at. Educated guess - it’s 16 trash bags full of labels she’ll never wear again. Regardless, she looks amazing in that dress, so we don’t give a shit - we welcome her with open kimonos.  Babushka was her first ‘fully aware drop’; her collection has a shit ton of it. We’re simultaneously proud and worried, because she has no idea what she’s gotten into.

3) The Hider: Everything is NWT. She hasn’t even worn what she's got, and the challenge of justifying the spend is getting exponential. With her towers of white boxes getting harder and harder to conceal, the Husband is now on to her. Busted a few times during a delivery, she now sends the white boxes to the neighbors house and swears:

“It’s from Target/ I’ve had this forever/I’m borrowing it/Yay Swapped!”

(Rejoice hiders: the boxes are being transitioned out. You’ll no longer have to hide them - now you can simply obsess over collecting the cute new calico bags.)

4) The Girl Next Door: Nobody knows what she does for a living, but apparently she lives at Spell. I mean right inside the fucking Byron store... 12 minutes after a drop goes live, she's #spellswishing in the latest sold-out-soon-to-be-Unicorn. We hate her. Just kidding we love her. Just kidding we want to be her. Just kidding, we’ll settle for a sleepover - in her bohemian yurt, which is probably located right outside Spell’s cactus garden. 

5) The Historian: Her collection dates back farther than Gypsy Queen and she probably has that first Sugarhigh+Lovestoned tee they styled the early jewels with in a safety deposit box. She can recite the name of every collection and every piece in it. She can spot fakes too, because she knows exactly when the logo lock up changed thanks to Rachel Pony Gold (circa April/May 2012). She indulges in the bootstrapped sisterly romance of it all. Damn right she owns the book; it’s signed - obviously.

6) The Cheerleader: She likes EVERY photo with Spell in it, and she will tell you you look GORGEOUS every single time she sees you on Insta because she believes that you have a beautiful unicorn soul. “You in that Sunset Road + Festival ‘16 mashup = AMAZING!”

She imagines you in your private cactus garden teaching your children how to hand letter affirmation mantras and macrame their own diapers as you sip organic kombucha and braid your bestie’s hair. She loves you. So. Fucking. Much. Her pronouns are heart eye emoji and kiss emoji.

7) The Impulse Buyer: constantly swears to God and all that is will-powerful that she WILL. NOT. CAVE to the next drop. She is going to be practical for fuck’s sake. (Yah, Lotus has alot of yellows and olives.. I’m more of a “summer”) But then she buys the Joplin Jacket because Florida winters are “brutal”. She has a large return shipping bill, admits that this is merely an endless paypal exchange and knows the Customer Service Angels by name (Oh, hey Angela). She uses the RA form and chat feature to send them love notes and see how they’re holding up after each drop.

8) The Wing-Woman: you either are one, have one - or both. She’s as hardcore as you are and she doesn’t judge your illness. You both have issues. This is the person you spend hours strategizing with before every drop. You two have your own kind of math and it’s harder to follow than ‘conceptual math. But this secret Spell math is a thing of fucking beauty: no matter what the equation, you always get the answer you want: 

”Ok, I returned my Blue Skies Wrap, so I have a credit, plus what I saved on the Babushka Midi equals the price of the Joplin …. I’m net zero!” 

You size up the line, screen shotting Snapchat and teasing each other via text. You pro/con every piece based on some fictional, rational version of you that “doesn’t need another gown, but needs to go with 2 piece sets you know, for more daily use.” (Um, sure - whatever you need to tell yourself hun.)  If you’re on vacay during the drop, she’s got your back - as in your paypal payback - unconditional support is just a click away. She’s also hunting unicorns for you on the side and blowing you up on text in the middle of the night with buyer’s guilt (note the lack of remorse. There is never remorse, just fleeting guilt and temporary indulgence shaming for going overboard with both the Stardust Cami AND the Jacket “I’m a living Goddamned disco ball, WTF have I done? But I lurrve them.Yay me!)

9) The Unicorn Hunter: She’s next level obsessed, willing to throw cash and half her current Spell stash at the "last ever of it's kind, ever." ‘Evil-bay’ is alternately her nemesis, and her reluctant savior. After multiple talks off the Buy It Now button and pleas to her practical side, she eventually caves for her Unicorn, pays an obscene price and then never takes it off. See: Anything Folktown or a Xanadu Maxi Dress on eBay/Poshmark/Depop/Facebook Swap & Sell insert streaming tears emoji + unicorn emoji

As different as we may be - there’s something beyond swirling around in art that pulls us together. Perhaps it’s the addictive cocktail of anticipation + adrenaline + winning. Even as we’re confident that Spelly, Lizzy and all the Angels are sorting through the surprise growing pains, deep down we know there’s a small part of us that will miss bonding/sweating/crying over the chaos. More likely though, it’s the authentic friendships formed while supporting each other. ( I just heard a story from two best friends who met via a hashtag. They live a world apart, but talk every day.)

While I can't offer a cure (because Lotus/May/God help us), we can still justify our spending take comfort in knowing we’re not alone. (Or maybe that just adds to our stress because at least 20K+ of us have the notifications turned on for an intense Facebook page where we channel our obsession into smarter ways to buy/sell or swap more pieces.) Either way - rejoice in the Spell Sisterhood - our love runs deep, our tribe is epic and your OOTD is eternally on point.

PS - does anyone have a Turquoise Folktown Skirt and Top set in XS? Seriously, I die.

Note: You can follow more of the saga on Insta @jennvonhagen After I wrote this blog, I stumbled upon a hilarious thread on the Facebook Spell Designs Buys Swap and Sell page where fellow sisters are sharing their legit addiction and proven survival techniques. I’m currently interviewing for a follow up to this post, where I’ll share stories from all nine types of sisters. If you identify with one or more of the above, comment with your number(s) and if you’d like to be a part of the next post, message me here, on Insta or email me at [email protected]

#spell and the gypsy collective #spell #brand #fashion #tribe