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banannabethchase · 1 year

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Adam has a a break down, a break through, and a break out moment. Net positive.

Penultimate chapter, and this is one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy!

Mini playlist: King of My Heart - Sub-Radio Rhythm of Your Heart - Marianas Trench I Think I'm in Love - Kat Dahlia Let My Love Open the Door - Luminate

It’s too soon before the problem shows up again. He fails the Chemistry practice test, absolutely bombs it with a 48%, and Mr. Pace doesn’t even have pointers for him. Just shakes his head and asks him to do an error analysis.

Even Dalton can’t pull him out of his funk with his wildly inappropriate questions about animal mating habits to throw off the teacher. He keeps trying to push at Adam’s leg, jostle him, get some sort of reaction, but Adam’s just numb. He’s too focused on how much he fucked up, how badly he did.

He leaves the barns, and nearly slams into Jon, who’s standing there, looking confused. “Hey, Cowboy. Heard you’re being weird.”

“I’m not being weird,” he says. His tone says he is definitely being weird.

Mox wiggles his phone. “Dalton texted me. Said you didn’t laugh at a single one of his plastic cow dildo jokes. That’s unlike you.”

“How do you know?” Adam folds his arms across his chest, suddenly too cold and too seen. “Maybe I find cow dildo jokes crass.”

Mox throws an arm around his shoulder and Adam, almost automatically, leans into him, relaxing into the warmth. “Talk to me, baby,” he murmurs. “Something’s wrong.”

Adam doesn’t want to. He’s afraid that, if he says it, if he admits it, he’ll collapse into the words.

“Please,” Jon says, voice strained, “let me help.”

Before he can stop himself, Adam speaks. “I want to drink. All I want to do is go home and pound a couple beers and just – black out. Forget it all.” All of a sudden, like a broken damn, he’s crying. He can’t stop it. “I’m so sorry, Mox. I don’t want to want it.”

Mox shushes him, leading him somewhere and sitting him down, pulling him close and holding Adam tight. Adam sobs into his chest, feeling the guilt and the regret pour out of him. He can’t stop apologizing, can’t stop gripping onto Mox’s jacket just in case it’s the last time he gets to do it.

When he starts to breathe a little more steadily, Mox says, “Feeling any better?”

Adam sits up a little, wiping the tears and snot off his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that a lot.” Mox’s voice is calm, quiet. “What’s going on?”

“I failed my Chemistry practice test,” Adam admits. “Even with all your help. I completely tanked it. And all I could think of is how much I want to just – stop feeling. I want to go home and get blackout drunk, and…” He trails off, trying to hold off sobbing again. He forces himself to meet Mox’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I let you down.”

“You absolutely did not,” Mox says. “Hey. Stop. You didn’t.”

“But I wanted –”

“You wanted to,” Mox says, “but did you push me away and go home and do it? Did you skip school and get a forty and get hammered? No.”

“But I wanted to,” Adam practically wails. “I wanted to do it.”

“But you didn’t actually do it,” Mox insists. “You know how many times I want to go do some speed and see what happens? How many times I want to pound a bottle of vodka, just to shut off my brain?” He shakes his head. “Baby, this shit happens. And, honestly, there’s no way this is the last time it’s gonna happen. And that’s okay.” He cradles Adam’s face in his hands. “Christ, you’re pretty when you cry. Fuck you.”

Adam laughs, and, just for that, wipes his nose on Mox’s sleeve.

“Ew!”

Adam lets himself smile, hesitant. “You’re not mad at me?”

“I’m not,” Mox says. “When this happens, though, talk to someone. Any time you feel that way, talk to someone. Anybody. Don’t, like, shove it down or whatever. That’s when it gets bad.”

Adam wipes his eyes and finally has the wherewithal to look around, and he makes a strangled little laugh. “You brought me to the soccer fields?!”

“Nobody’s out here ‘cause they have a game today,” Mox says. “Apparently, playoffs aren’t going the way the regular season was going, so they keep getting stuck going to the other schools.” Adam doesn’t miss the way he forces away a smile. “Figured this would be a safe place to go, until you were good to drive.”

Adam nods, and they sit quietly for a minute. Adam lets it sink in: for the first time since he’s been at this school, their team isn’t guaranteed to make the finals. Part of him wants to feel mean about it, be a little bitchy about the fact that they really did need him. But that part is small, and overtaken by feeling genuinely sad for the boys he used to call his friends, and the one he called his love, He looks over at Jon. “Want to come over tonight? Maybe – maybe you could help me with my test?”

Mox grins, rolling his eyes. “You convinced Eddie to tell you I got a hundred on the midterm last year, didn’t he.”

Adam shrugs. “I like getting information on you. You’re not exactly an open book.”

“I’m open!” Mox says, opening his arms. “I’m so open.”

Adam tilts his head. “You kind of aren’t. Tell me something I don’t know.”

Mox kicks his feet at the bleachers, considering. “Oh, here’s one. My parents found me high out of my mind two summers ago and sent me to a psych ward thing for rehab for two weeks.”

Adam almost falls off the bench. “Oh, damn we’re opening right to the middle of the book I see.”

“Yeah,” Mox says. “That was before Eddie gave me his little speech. Clearly, Eddie was more persuasive.”

Adam gets comfortable. “Tell me something else.”

Mox considers. “First time I had sex was with this girl on the cheerleading team. End of freshman year of high school, when I was doing football conditioning camp.”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “You had sex with a girl?”

“Why’s everybody always assume I’m gay?” he mutters. “Yes, I’ve had sex with four girls, two guys, and one dumbass, who is sitting in front of me.”

Adam pushes him a little bit, and Mox slides off the bench onto the ground.

“You’re still the dumbass.”

“I’m not too sure about that.”

They talk for ages, Adam sharing fears he hasn’t told anyone, not even Kenny, and Mox casually mentioning the time he got a staph infection from a shitty doctor and spent the entire summer before freshman year of high school in the hospital. Adam stays close to him the whole time, because he thinks, maybe, Mox needs this just as much as he does. Mox doesn’t move him away, holds him close unless he’s telling a story that requires wild gesticulation.

“Thanks for finding me,” Mox says, his arms around Adam’s shoulders as the sun sets and the chill of a fall evening wraps around them.

“Me?” Adam asks. “Find you?”

“Dumbass,” Mox says fondly. “Yes. You ran into me that first day of school and I literally fell for you.” He presses a gruff kiss to the side of Adam’s head. “I dunno. You make me happy. I’m glad you found me.”

Adam doesn’t really know what to say. He doesn’t want to think about where he might be right now, what he might be doing, if Mox hadn’t helped him figure himself out. He doesn’t know who he would be if he hadn’t met Mox on that first day of senior year. “I’m glad we found each other,” is what he settles on, and they soon stand, and make their way to Adam’s truck, hand in hand.

That weekend, Mox calls him at eight in the morning on a Saturday demanding a ride.

“I’m barely awake,” Adam whines, rolling over. “Leave me alone.”

“Nope,” Mox says. “I’ve decided. You’re coming to my match today. You’re going to see me and Eddie and Willow wrestle. Oh, and Ruby’ll be there. She doesn’t have a match, but she’s doing a run-in for Willow’s and she’s going to do some really cool heel shit.”

“I think I understood about a third of that last bit,” Adam grumbles, but he’s already out of bed and reaching for a pair of pants. “What do, uh, what do I wear?”

Mox laughs on the other end of the line, and Adam feels something bloom inside his chest. “Anything you want, baby. I wouldn’t be opposed to you showing up in your best farm boy gear. Maybe you can even come in and make the save.” Adam can practically see the smile in Mox’s voice. “Please?��

Adam yanks his jeans on and throws on his favorite Dolly Parton shirt, the pink one. And, because he can’t resist Mox, “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

Thirty minutes later, he parks his truck in a dilapidated parking lot of some sort and immediately wonders if he’s in the wrong place. There’s only eight or ten cars here, and he was pretty sure that’s around how many people were wrestling today. He parks, grabs his keys, and slides out of the front seat. He brushes his hair out of his face as he walks down a hidden path, and briefly wonders if today is the day he gets murdered.

“Hello?” he calls, against his better judgement. “Mox? Eddie? Anybody?”

Something jumps at him from the woods, and Adam moves on instinct. He ducks their arm, throws them to the ground, and gets his knee on their chest. And looks into blue eyes of none other than Mox. “Oh,” Mox says, a light in his eyes, “ooh, that was good. Can you do that to me, like, all the time?” He visibly swallows, eyes darting from Adam’s leg to his crotch, then moving up his body. “You know, you look really good from this angle.”

“Okay, calm down, you weirdo.” Adam stands, and refuses to start preening. He holds out and hand and Mox takes it, pulling himself to stand. He presses himself up against Adam, hands on his waist.

“Hey there, Cowboy.”

“Keep it in your pants,” Adam laughs, and he draws Mox in. When they kiss, Adam thinks this may be worth the early phone call and the cold October dew soaking into his pants.

“Come on,” Mox says, after longer than they probably should have taken. “Let me show you what this place looks like. It’s so cool.”

It’s a glamorized back yard with metal chairs, a cobbled together ring, and a little shack labeled “Bathrooms” that looks like it odor lines coming off of it.

It really is cool.

“This is where you and Eddie, like, beat each other up all the time?”

“Not all the time,” Mox says. “Sometimes it’s other people. Sometimes I even win!” He grabs Adam’s hand, pulling him toward the ring. “We just got the ring set up, but I want to show you how it works.” His grin grows a little dirty. “I mean, since I already know you can take somebody down.”

“Okay, well, that was only because I thought I was in a murder forest,” Adam counters. “I doubt I can do that kind of thing again.”

“We’ll see.”

Mox, to Adam’s mild annoyance, is right more times than he’s wrong. He teaches Adam how to fall, how to land on his back and roll, and it’s strangely like soccer. His speed impresses Mox, as does his ability to take a hit to the stomach.

“You really are built like a brick shithouse,” Mox says, a little awed. He pokes at Adam’s stomach, then shakes his head. “How the fuck did I pull you, again?”

“You’re charming and I have a thing for nerds,” Adam replies. “Come on, let me do that thing where I throw you over my shoulder again.”

Mox lights up. “Gladly!”

They practice moves that Adam can’t quite keep track of until the person who runs the place, an early twenty-something guy who looks like he’s a little hyped up on more than coffee, tells them it’s time to get ready.

“Who the fuck are you?” He points at Adam. “You’re not one of my guys. Are you?”

“Nah, this is my boyfriend,” Mox says. “Tony, Adam. Adam, Tony.”

“Isn’t Eddie your boyfriend?” Tony asks. “Wait, never mind. I don’t want to get involved.” He points to Mox. “You. Your match, are you pulling weapons out?”

“Yes.”

“Stop it!” Tony says, “Stop – you are seventeen! You are not allowed to be using weapons! My dad and I do not have the ability to, like, make things legal for minors, you know.”

“But what if you don’t know I’m pulling out weapons?” Mox asks. He’s got this mild expression on his face, but Adam is fairly certain he’s about to pull some shit.

“You just told me!”

Mox’s expression turns moony-eyed and innocent. “What if I was pretending?”

“I hate you,” Tony says. “I wish you weren’t one of the most reliable people I’ve worked with. Go away.”

“Oh, you want me to leave?” A smile breaks through, and Adam can’t help but giggle.

Tony makes a frustrated sort of noise and stalks off, flipping them off.

“Man, I love him,” Mox says, sighing. “He does his best work when he’s a miserable bitch. I’m doing him a favor.”

“I don’t see how any of that was a favor, but okay.”

Adam gets dragged around the place to meet at least a dozen people, from wrestlers to managers to crew, and he tries to memorize every name. He fails, but he figures Mox’ll be able to fill in any blanks. He finds himself shaking hands with a guy Mox introduces as Bryan. “This is my opponent tonight. I’m going to kick his ass.”

“Only because it’s the booking,” Bryan argues. “Hi.”

Adam waves. “So – everything is preplanned?”

“Yep,” Mox says. “I have been contracted to beat the shit out of this guy and then choke him out during…” He trails out, eyes focused somewhere else. “Oh, shit, I have the best idea.” He looks at Bryan. “You up for doing something stupid?”

Bryan shrugs. “Do I have a choice?”

“Not really,” Mox says. “We’re going to bring my boyfriend into our match.”

“Eddie?” Bryan asks. “Isn’t that kind of expected at this point?”

“Not that boyfriend,” Mox says, and he turns his grin to Adam. “How you feel about making your wrestling debut, Cowboy?”

Mox plops him in a front row seat right before the show starts. “Watch until I give you the cue. It’s fun. You’ll love this.”

“I – okay,” Adam says, blinking. “Do you need help or anything? You know, before your match?”

Mox presses a kiss to the top of his head, ruffling his hair enough that Adam knows it’s about to frizz out. “Nah. Just remember: when I wink at you, you run into the ring.”

Adam laughs. “Yeah. Sure.”

He gets to see what it really means to ‘run into the ring’ when he watches Ruby do it midway through the show – Willow’s getting whacked with a chair by her opponent after winning, and Ruby sneaks in behind and takes the chair from her.

Adam exhales, slumping against the chair. The guy next to him, familiar in the way a person a few years below you in high school is familiar, turns and laughs. “Oh, you think this is over?”

Adam opens his mouth to respond, and watches Ruby rear back and smack Willow on the back with the chair. And he freezes. “Holy shit!”

“Holy shit is right!” the guy says. But his is less worried than Adam’s, more delighted.

Adam fidgets, a little concerned, but then Willow gets up and throws Ruby across the ring, and he feels a little better. And, somehow, worse. There’s more emotions in this than he expected for something scripted.

Mox goes on next, and, unfortunately, he does bring out a weapon. Technically. The sound a whiffle bat makes when it cracks across somebody’s back is a little louder than Adam had expected, and he winces.

“Get fucked!” Mox yells, and he smacks Bryan over the head with it. Bryan crumples, landing on his stomach, not moving. Adam stares, a little confused. It seems a little too real.

Mox comes over to pin him, hand on his chest, when the guy reaches up and grabs his neck, throwing him down, pulling tight. A chokehold.

“Uh,” Adam says, looking around. Nobody else looks as concerned as he feels, and, honestly, they’re all cheering. He’s probably the one who isn’t getting it.

Mox is crawling toward Adam’s side of the ring, winking wildly. “Oh!” Adam exclaims. “Right!” He scrambles to his feet and gets into the ring, remembering what Mox told him to do. He stands on the ring and pushes Bryan off of Mox with his boot. Bryan stands up and pretends to kick him, and Adam ducks. He jumps over the ropes, pulls back, and flips over them, ramming into Bryan with the inside of his arm. It’s kind of like the elbow jabs he used to get called on for doing during soccer games, only this time the crowd cheers, and Bryan crashes to the ground. Mox stands and grins at Adam. With Mox’s smile directed at him, it feels like the world has steadied underneath his feet. He hasn’t felt this particular exhilaration in a long time.

Bryan gets up quickly and pretends to kick Adam in the face. He goes down hard, rolling out of the ring like Mox taught him how. The referee conveniently only turns around at that point, when Mox has Bryan in a headlock and squeezes. Adam shuffles back to his seat. People are staring at him.

“Are – are you new or something?” the guy next to him asks. “I’ve never seen you here before.”

Adam nods. “I’m Mox’s boyfriend.”

He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, then blinks. “I’m Wheeler,” he says, reaching out hand to shake it, but his eyes are still on the match.

“Adam.”

Bryan passes out and collapses, the ref calls it, and Mox raises his fists, victorious. Then he finds Adam and beckons him up into the ring. He hesitates, for a brief second, then runs back in, standing next to Mox. Mox shoots him the prettiest smile Adam’s ever seen, grabs his hand, and raises it. He drinks in the cheers, and wonders if, maybe, soccer wasn’t the only sport he’d like.

Mox pulls him to the “back”, also known as a shitty tent behind the bathrooms, and kisses him in front of the rest of the wrestlers, like it’s nothing. Adam feels a little dizzy with it, the high of performing for the first time in so long, when it’s something he didn’t realized he’d missed.

“That was so fun,” Adam says, when they break away. He ignores the way people are looking. He doesn’t want to knows if those eyes are kind or judgmental. He also finds he doesn’t really care. “Like, really fun.”

“Want to come next time, too?” Mox looks like an eager puppy, practically bouncing on his toes. “I have a match with this guy, Claudio, Eddie hates him but we could do some really cool stuff.”

“Maybe after midterms,” Adam says. “But, yeah. I want to do this again.”

“Cool,” Mox says, grabbing his hand. “Come on, Eddie’s on in a few, and I want to make sure he’s ready.”

They shuffle to the back of the tent, where Eddie is tying up his boots, looking incredibly angry.

“Is he okay?” Adam mutters as they approach him.

“Oh, totally,” Mox says. “I mean, he gets kind of mean before a match, so don’t piss him off. But he’s fine.”

Adam takes that to mean he shouldn’t talk, so he just smiles while Mox claps Eddie on the shoulder. “You doing okay, King?”

Eddie nods, rolling his shoulders as he stands up again. “I’m fine.” He taps his cheek. “Kiss for luck?” Mox rolls his eyes, but he does it.

Then Eddie looks at Adam. “What about you, Pagey? Kiss for the King?”

Adam feels his entire body flush red, but he leans in, pressing his lips gently to Eddie’s cheek. “Good luck,” he says, feeling shy all of a sudden. He’s never had Eddie’s focus on him like this. He’s not sure how Mox handles it.

Eddie grins, throws his head back, laughs like sunshine. “Good luck. God, you’re adorable.” He pats Adam’s cheek, then, to Adam’s shocked delight, his ass. While Adam stands there, baffled, Eddie gives Mox a firm, if a little aggressive, kiss, and swaggers off to the ring.

“We’ll watch from back here,” Mox says, “I’ve got a raging boner and I don’t want anybody else to see it.”

Adam refuses to dignify that with a response.

Eddie wasn’t kidding when he said he gets covered in blood, Adam realizes. His match has him covered in thumbtacks, hit with brooms, and, at one point, his opponent shoves Legos in his mouth and then kicks him.

And then Eddie somehow wins with a pin on top of a barbed wire-coated baseball bat, and Adam is baffled.

“I do not want to do that,” he says, turning to Mox. “I don’t wanna bleed. Like, ever.”

“Sometimes you don’t got a choice, Cowboy,” Mox says, clapping him on the shoulder. “But I’ll do my best to protect you.” He pulls Adam toward him, gives him a rough kiss on the side of the head. “Now I’ve got to go out there and give Eddie a big ol’ kiss to scare off any homophobes that stumbled in here.”

#Hangman Adam Page #The HANGST IS REAL at the start of this chapter #It's not too bad #Jon Moxley #HangMox #Wrestling High school AU #in which Sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???

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