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#it's not gonna accomplish anything but making me feel like shit i already know that much
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Hi, so I saw that your request for tokio hotel are open. Can I request dating headcanons with Tom? Have a nice day!
(hello! I had time and I was bored so what the hell? Here ya go! Bear with me, it's my first Tom one and I hope you like it! If anyone else does, please tell me if you would like more in the comments!)
Dating Tom Headcannons
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He would be the proudest boyfriend I feel like
On stage he's like 
"That's my babe! Over there, not you- them! Them!" 
All excited and stuff
But he is flirty
Doesn't matter where or when
Is extremely flirty
Would be the person to just sneak in a kiss before going on stage and be like "it's for good luck" so you have no choice but to give in
If you have a style similar to his, he would love it
If you don't, he would still like it
He thinks you look good either way, and he's still gonna flirt with you
Is not a possessive person, like you can do what you want and stuff but if something goes too far he'll say something or if someone makes you uncomfortable
But he's not the type to say "don't hang out with them" or stuff like that about your friends or he wouldn't feel threatened by another guy
He wouldn't feel threatened because he knows who he is, and that you're already his partner so he's locked down and ready to go
He finds it funny when someone tries flirting with you
He'll just be in bothered and go up to you and kiss you
He doesn't take offense to it
You're pretty man, why wouldn't you be flirted with?
He takes it as an accomplishment
They flirt with you but he's the one with you
Same with fans from his side, if you're okay with like kisses on the cheek from fangirl he'll be good to go
But if you're not, hell do his best to avoid them and give them hugs or smth idk
If you have a piercing or lots of piercings, he'll love them 
He loves anything about you man
Is definitely the one to pull you onto his lap anytime
If you're in the band, he'll do it in interviews or anywhere in general
Even if you're not in the band, he'll do it all the time
When he notices paparazzi taking pictures of you guys, he'll purposefully give them a picture of you guys almost full on making out
He is shameless
If you're in the band, he'll be having the time of his life on stage with you
He'd be behind you and kiss your neck just because he can
Does not give a single fucking of how many people are in the arena or the audience
He's the type to let you take his shit
Like shirts, rings, pants, hats, anything
He likes how you look in them
Kisses your knuckles or the back of your hand sometimes to substitute kisses
Or he'll be messing with your hair
Oddly likes having his head in your lap or your head in his
He'll take your stuff and act like he doesn't know where it went to keep you from leaving
"I don't know where it went, could you have dropped it when we were walking back? Looks like you'll have to stay."
He has it in his pocket.
Is proud anytime he sees you in the crowd or backstage
Or after a set or concert he'll just be asking you if you liked his performance
Please tell him he did great
He won't take anything else except that
If you aren't in the band, he would like that you got along with his brother and band mates
And especially if you got close with Bill, he'd probably fear being the target of pranks
He doesn't feel threatened no matter how close you get to his brother or Georg or Gustav
They're his closest friends and he trusts them and you so he has nothing to worry about
Has a lot of trust in your relationship if you couldn't tell
If you played a instrument or sing in shy type of way, he'd love it even more
He'd be a flirty and proud boyfriend of the century
Even if you guys did break up, not that I'm saying you will, he will forever have a specific and special place for you no matter how much time passes by
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blue-sadie · 6 months
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Lust Filled Touches
Astarion x Reader x Halsin
Summary: based off of this post
Warning: lust spell, double penetration, breeding, standing sex
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Yn/3rd person pov
They noticed your whole group noticed your change in behavior after the ambush, a group of weak mages came out of nowhere and hit you with a spell before they were beaten to a pulp by your companions.
Your friends all kept an eye on you especially astarion and halsin which only made the spell take more effect on you, you clench your thighs together as soon as your body felt their gaze on it.
You shivered every time they layed a comforting hand on your shoulder but shit it got worse when they spoke to you when they would bend to meet your gaze it only drove you more insane.
"My tav are you sure your alright" I had to hold myself back from letting out a pitiful whine as astarion crouched infront of me "you can tell me anything" he grabbed my hands and held them tightly in his "I'm here for you" his eyes held a pleadingness in them.
I shook my head and pulling my hands away from his "i-im gonna hurt you" I choked out loudly looking anywhere but him, he stood up slowly and reached out to touch my face but I flinch away.
My skin burning at his close proximity I heard him gulp and slowly caressed my face with his finger tips, I leaned into his touch relaxing against him closing my eyes "astarion" I moaned making him freeze.
My heart clenched as I realized what I had just done I slowly let my eyes flutter open cringing into myself as I saw his shocked expression "I'm I'm sorry" I squeaked and took off running away in embarrassment.
Tears started to roll down my face as I ran this stupid spell was making everything worse, I collapsed at the nearby creak crying out as my skin started burning from where he touched me.
Astarion pov
I stood there frozen few a seconds the sound of her moaning my name repeating in my mind "astarion where is tav" halsin asked as he and gale approached me I opened and closed my mouth my brows frowning in confusion.
"She just left" I murmured letting my eyes move to them and slowly letting my hand fall from its position "gale here might know what's wrong with her" halsin said smiling confidently and gestured for gale to speak.
He cleared his throat and glanced at both me and halsin nervously "spit it out" I muttered wanting to get to the bottom of this "a lust spell" he murmured making mine and halsins eyes widen "what" halsin asked confusion laced in his voice.
"Don't ask but I was looking through the mages belongs and found a tome with one of the pages mark so I opened it and there it was a lust spell" he grinned like he just accomplished something great I rolled my eyes "how do you know for certain" I asked as I folded my arms.
"Well the obvious sighs" he chuckled I snarled at him as a warning making him shut up "what sighs" halsin murmured as he put a hand on my shoulder keeping me from lunging at gale.
"Well not being able to be still under your gaze, shivering everytime you touch her not being able to focus when you speak" he spoke as if we should already noticed we just watched as he waited for a response from us.
"Guys come on its obvious you guys are her only hope at getting back to normal" he groaned rubbing his face "what makes you think that" I snapped getting irritable.
"If you guys don't see her very obvious feelings towards you, you need to get glasses or the fact you guys already act as a fucking couple" gale stuffed his laughter behind his hands and a few of the other nosey companions did they same.
Halsin and I felt flushed as we glanced at eachother "shell we go and find her" halsin asked me gesturing to the woods "after you" I grinned and we slowly made our way in leaving the camp behind.
Yn/3rd person pov
I cried out as I failed once again to make myself climax "fuck fuck fuck" I yelled knocking my head back against the tree I was sitting up against it felt as if it was hours from the incident, the burning of where astarion grazed his finger tips as subsided.
"Astarion halsin" I cried out praying that they would come to my rescue, it was starting to hurt every where, my breathing was becoming uneven and rigid and my eyes started to blur.
"Aww look halsin it already looks like we fucked her" my body shivered as I heard his voice and his nearing footsteps "astarion" I whined grabbing ahold of his shirt and pulling myself into him snuggling deeply into him.
He stroked my hair cooing at me I peered over his shoulder at halsin who was looking everywhere but me since I long discarded my clothes on the floor "halsin" I whined out causing his ears to flicker.
"Come on halsin stop being such a tease tav here is ready to be fucked stupid by the both of us" astarion grinned seductively as he turned me so I was standing full view of halsin who gradually turned his gaze to me.
"She already dripping" astarion trailed his hands slowly down my body as he spoke teasing my skin with his nails my eyes trained to halsins as he watched me carefully "ready for her needy hole to be filled" I let out a sharp gasped as astarion stuck one of his fingers inside me slowly thrusting it in and out.
Halsins chest rumbled as he let out a deep growl before he started nearing us only stopping a few inches away "h-halsin" I pleaded looking deeply into his eyes "please" and as that word left my lips his calm demeanor snapped.
His large hand grabbed hold of my neck as he crashed his lips against my in a possessive kiss "fuck" astarion cursed into my ear as he too wanted to join in on our fun, astarions lips attached to my neck using his fangs to tease my skin.
"Do you think she can take both of us" halsin asked as he pulled away from my lips causing me to whine astarion chuckled against my skin "my sweet halsin in this state she can take 10 of us can't you baby" he nipped at my earlobe making my body shivered "yes I can" I moaned out making them both chuckle.
"I guess we'll have to test that out" halsin said as they moved away from me to strip off their clothes I marveled at they body's and huge cocks my mouth started to water just st the sight.
"Fuck she looks so good" halsin growled as they returned to their positions they both leaned down attaching themselves to each side of my neck kissing and nipping on my skin.
I let out soft whines and whimpers "s-stop teasing" I murmured they grinned against my skin and that's when I felt it "fuck" I screamed out loudly as they both pushed in, I could feel myself split into two.
They gritted their teeth cursing as they held themselves back waiting for me to adjust I moaned out as got comfortable "your brilliant my tav" astarion praised as they started thrusting.
Their grunts and growls drowning out the sound of my cries of pleasure halsin pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss making my mind go wild he pulled back and did they same with astarion "I truly love they both of you" he groaned out admittedly.
The burning sensation increasing at his words "I love you too" I moaned out making astarion nip at my neck "don't forget about me to my darling" he grunted I turned my head to the side and captured his lips with him.
"I love you" I whispered, something in his eyes changed from pure lust to love and his thrusts became harder as he looked at halsin before speaking "how about we cum inside to show the world she's ours".
I clenched myself around as halsin growled out 'fuck yes' I could sense we were all close to cumming "please cum inside me" I begged, my moans heightening as I felt them both pulse inside me.
"Fuck" we scream out loud enough I'm sure the camp heard us, I cried out as I felt them feel me up with their cum my eyes widening as I noticed my stomach bulging at the amount their released inside me.
"Your ours tav" astarion growled as they gently guided us to lay on the ground they spoke kinds words to me as their fingers gently traced patterns onto my skin making me become tired quite quickly "goodnight darling".
The next morning I already felt better the spell must have worn off but when I opened my eyes I as stared up at the two boy and their lust filled gazes I slightly shifted and gasped as I felt their hard cocks pushed up against me I gulped nervously as astarion leaned down to whisper in my ear.
"Now now tav its only fair since we helped you out its only fair if you return the favor"
Tag.List
@bloodlessbhaalbabe @sweetirilly @lonelyhumanoid @neteyamyawne @greekgods15
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djarindroid · 1 month
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'Good Work'
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Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader
Summary: One morning you decided to put the skills Daryl had taught you to use. (Set during the prison era)
Word Count: 790
Comments: ok so apparently I just decided to write a reader with a praise kink...may make a part 2 and explore this further (no spicy stuff here though).
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It had been a great morning, not too hot, not too cold. You’d woken up at dawn and slipped out of the prison unnoticed with the hope of surprising Daryl, and boy was he gonna be surprised when you got back. 
Over the past few weeks Daryl had been teaching you the basics of tracking and hunting. So far you’d managed to catch a few small rabbits with his help. You’d relished those days out with Daryl, you couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. 
Your time alone with him was freeing, you’d always loved being outside but had never learnt anything useful before the world went to shit. But Daryl didn’t mind teaching you, in fact he’d been quite open to you tagging along that first time you’d asked. 
Carol didn’t hide her surprise when you’d let her know where you were going that first time. Shocked that Daryl was open to taking someone with him.
He had only ever been welcoming towards you, from the moment you’d first joined the safety of the prison. You liked to think he enjoyed your time together as much as you did.
Today you’d set out to do something useful. You'd gone out by yourself to try and catch something. An attempt to surprise Daryl with how much you’d learned from him, with the added benefit of feeding some hungry mouths. 
Not only had you managed to catch something, but you’d got a deer, a big one. You’d taken it down easily and were now carrying it on your shoulders through the woods back towards the prison gates.
You had a huge smile on your face as you approached the gates. Maggie, on gate duty, couldn’t hide her amazement. ‘You got that on your own?’
‘Yep’ you confirmed. ‘Gonna get this inside, ready for later,’ you added as you began to make your way up to the prison.
‘You’re giving Daryl a run for his money bringing something that big back,’ Maggie called after you. 
You laughed, happy that you’d managed to prove yourself already. As you made the short walk from the gates, you kept looking around hoping to spot Daryl. You couldn’t wait to see his face, you’d done everything he’d shown you how to do. From tracking, to staying as quiet as possible before shooting your target. You hoped he’d be proud.
Your mind briefly thought back to the moment you’d first picked up tracks without Daryl’s guidance, he’d patted your shoulder whilst saying ‘good work.’ You’d lived off the high his praise gave you for days after that.
A slight blush spread across your cheeks at the memory, though you shook the thought from your head as you got closer to the benches outside the prison. 
You quickly spotted him standing with his back to you, engrossed in conversation with Rick. Without hesitation your pace quickened, the desire to show off what you accomplished outweighed any restraint you had.
Rick whistled lowly as you came into view and he spotted what you were carrying. ‘Think she’s got you beat,’ Rick said as he patted Daryl’s shoulder.
This caused Daryl to spin round, you couldn’t hold back your smile as you watched his eyes go wide. You sauntered over to where they stood and threw the deer over your shoulders and onto the table next to them. You felt so proud of yourself, looking down at what you’d managed to do. Rick offered to carry the deer inside, leaving you alone with Daryl.
‘Guess ya don’t need me anymore,’ he finally spoke.
You looked over to him to find a small smirk on his face, so you decided to play along. ‘Guess I don’t,’ you joked back, the smile still hadn’t left your face from the moment you’d seen him. 
He chucked quietly and patted your back ‘ya did good.’ His hand lingered for a moment longer than it normally would, as he watched the heat rise on your face at his praise.
You’d be lying if you said this isn’t what you’d wanted, you’d never really had anyone be proud of you like this before and you’d gone out of your way to get that feeling again today. 
You fought to speak without stammering, and managed to say, ‘well I had a great teacher.’ 
Daryl’s smirk grew into a genuine smile for only you to see. He stepped a fraction closer to you, ‘maybe you’re ready for the advanced lessons,’ he teased. His eyes stayed glued to yours and made your heart skip a beat. 
The shared moment lingered as you were both called inside to help with the deer. You couldn’t shake the feeling that your connection with Daryl had just deepened in the most satisfying way.
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shuhwaa · 3 months
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Siyeon | Size training [M]
Kinkmas 2023 - Day 21 Dreamcatcher Siyeon x fem-bodied!reader words: ~700 genre: smut (dom!Siyeon, size training with a strap on, lots of praise (reader receiving)) warnings: none
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You whimper as you take in the tip of the strap your girlfriend is wearing, feeling it stretching you out. It's accompanied by a half painful, half pleasurable sensation, and you're thankful when she reaches for your hips to steady you.
"You're doing so well, baby..." Siyeon praises you, her low voice sending a shiver down your spine. She's made sure you're dripping wet before she had you crawl on top of her in the middle of your bed, and as always she's assisting you in every way possible - still it seems you have a long way to go. "Take it slow," she tells you, but you whine in protest.
"W-want more..." you say, and you're met with an amused expression on her face. Your girlfriend runs her palms up your bare torso, letting her fingertips dance down your chest and belly. 
"I'm not going to use a bigger toy on you until I can be absolutely sure I won't hurt you," she explains, and one of her hands finds its way back up your body, cupping your face so she can brush her thumb against your cheek. You're determined to show her that you can take it, mind wandering off to imagining what it would be like to be filled up so well that you'd see stars just from that alone, and with a careful roll of your hips you take in the dildo further. 
"That's right..." she doesn't miss a beat to praise you. "Does that feel good?"
"Y-yeah," you whimper.
"And does it hurt?"
"A little..." you answer honestly, knowing that you merely have to let yourself adjust to the size for a while. 
"But you still want more?"
"Yes..." you say, sinking down on her just a little further, and you let out a desperate moan.
"Just a little more, babe," she encourages you, now bringing her hands to your breasts to play with them. The additional stimulation sends another wave of heat down to your core, and without thinking, you start moving your hips at a slow but steady pace. It becomes more comfortable with every movement of yours, and eventually you find that you've taken the toy in fully, tears welling up in your eyes from accomplishment and from the pain fully turned into pleasure, and when your girlfriend praises you once again, you can only moan in response.
"Now ride me, babe," Siyeon says, one of her hands finding your core to rub circles against your clit. "Wanna see you cum on top of me." And you do, whimpering uncontrollably as you hold onto her shoulders and your hips begin to stutter as soon as you start. The feeling of being filled up so good mixed in with her sweet praises will for sure send you over the edge in no time, and so you don't think of anything but chasing that orgasm. 
"F-fuck... Siyeon..." you mewl your girlfriend's name who watches you, lips slightly parted as she marvels at the way your body moves on top of her. 
"You're so fucking sexy like that, babe... keep going," she encourages you, and when she thrusts upwards to meet you halfway, you cry out.
"Fuck... shit... f-feels so good..." you sputter as you can feel the knot in your stomach tighten, and with only a few more repetitions you feel yourself clenching around the big toy, tears welling up in your eyes as you come down from your high.
"You did so well, baby," Siyeon showers you in more praises as she leans in to press several kisses to your face. "Makes me wanna give you another round..."
"P-please..." you answer, mind still clouded from your orgasm, and before you realize what's happening she's already flipped around your positions, now hovering above you and helping you wrap your legs around her hips.
"Then hold tight, cause I'm not gonna go easy on you," she whispers dangerously into your ear, before leaving a trail of kisses down the side of your neck and making you whimper as she begins thrusting into you. 
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nihilistem · 6 months
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Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )
I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do
I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams
Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.
first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.
I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …
adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.
— by a stem student with adhd.
here’s my first post on adhd study tips.
— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.
there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.
— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.
novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.
ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.
tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.
All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.
— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.
This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.
Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;
“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”
is it, though?
So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.
And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.
this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.
— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)
I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.
Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?
I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.
How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.
— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)
Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.
The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.
— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.
For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.
one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.
important to remember …
erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.
If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.
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ozthedm · 4 months
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Vampire Ascendant Ramblings!
I love Baldur’s Gate 3. I love the vampire genre. I am particularly fascinated with the concept of the Vampire Ascendant for a number of reasons that mainly boil down to “what does it mean to be the Vampire Ascendant and what is the true cost of this power?”
This post is essentially a collection of my observations, thoughts, and headcanons regarding the ascension ritual. Think of this as fanfic inspiration material. Get ready folks, because we’re about to dip a toe into 5e lore and get existential.
What does the Rite of Profane Ascension actually do?
Raphael explains the ritual as thus:
“If he completes the rite, he will become a new kind of being - the Vampire Ascendant. All the strengths of his vampiric form will be amplified, and alongside them he will enjoy the luxuries of the living. The arousals and appetites of man will return to him, and unlike Astarion, he will have no need of a parasite to protect him from the sun. But the ritual has a price, as all worthwhile things do. Lord Cazador will need to sacrifice a number of souls including all of his vampiric spawn if he is to ascend… Your soul will set off a very wave of death, bringing Cazador his twisted life.” 
TLDR: If Cazador offers up the souls of 7000 vampire spawn, then maybe he’ll feel less like shit.
Other specific perks include:
The hunger for blood that plagues all vampires will no longer affect him.
His heart will beat again (Could he even be considered undead at that point?)
He still gets to remain immortal in the sense that he will never age
He can choose to extend his protection from the sun to his spawn, but this protection can be revoked
He can be reflected in mirrors.
There are some details that remain unclear, so here’s where we step into headcanon territory:
Running water will no longer harm him
A normal wooden stake won’t be enough to paralyze him. You’d be better off with a magical weapon
Although he will still need an invitation to enter homes, His enhanced vampiric charm practically makes it a nonissue
And now a couple of notes on Mephistopheles and the contract itself:
“Devils bargain with mortals to upend the divine order. They stake claims on souls that would otherwise go to the gods or be cast adrift somewhere other than the Nine Hells. If you are already a creature of Law and Evil devoted to no other entity, your damned spirit is of meager value.”
  - Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes
Mephistopheles is an arcane innovator. His realm, Cania, is essentially a giant laboratory where he conducts extensive experiments. 
When it comes to souls, Mephistopheles prefers quality over quantity. He mostly acquires the souls of highly accomplished wizards and sages to help him with his research. To demand the souls of 7000 vampire spawn seems uncharacteristically beneath him (especially for the power he’s offering) 
My thinking is that Mephistopheles is working on something that specifically requires vampiric energy and lots of it. The 7000 spawns are nothing more than fodder.
A devil’s deal never ends well. This is repeatedly stated throughout the game. Considering what we know of Mephistopheles and how little Cazador cares for his spawn, this whole contract sounds far too good to be true. So what’s the catch?
A few possible ideas as to the downsides:
Mephistopheles is always watching. After all, this is a completely new kind of being that warrants study. 
The Ascendant’s hunger for blood is replaced with a different hunger. A hunger that is indescribable and insatiable. He will always yearn for more. More power, more control, more anything. He may even return to Mephistopheles in an attempt to fill the void. 
The Ascendant’s own soul is included in the price, albeit differently. Where the other souls were simply consumed by the ritual, his will serve another purpose. (Not gonna lie, this one sent me on a whole existential journey trying to figure out what is means to have/lack a soul)
I might post more thoughts later, but this is enough for now
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munsonsgirl71 · 1 year
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Everything To Me
Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Female reader. Rockstar!Eddie. Daddy Kink. Multiple orgasms mentioned. PIV unprotected (wrap it before you tap it kids). Fluff (cause it's me).
A/N: This is SUPER short and I don't know where it came from but it's the first thing I have finished in WEEKS and I needed to post it. Hope you enjoy! Comments and reblogs are much appreciated! As a reminder REQUESTS ARE OPEN (see pinned post for rules)
Your chest is heaving, fat tears are rolling down your cheeks, your face is burning hot and bright red as you look up into the big, brown bambi eyes of your lover. 
“Oh, baby, that was a big one, huh?” Eddie coos as he reaches up and moves the damp hair away from your sweat slicked forehead. All you can manage is a nod as your eyes close in a blink that seems to be in slow motion. “Think you can give Daddy another? You’re doing so good for me, sweetheart.” 
You’re so fucked out and cock drunk you’d give him just about anything he asked for so nod again. He pulls back slowly, making you whine at the loss of his hips pressed against yours. He chuckles under his breath as he pushes back in just as slow. You can feel every inch, every vein, every ridge as he sinks back into the hilt. 
“Feel good, baby?” His question is pointless. He can see the blissed out look all over your face as he pulls out and pushes back in same as before. He’s been fucking into you for over an hour, you’ve had five orgasms and were craving more even though your whole body ached. “Talk to me. I wanna hear you.” 
“Eddie. Please.” It’s barely above a whisper as it leaves your lips. “Please.” 
“I got you, sweet girl.” He leans down and presses a soft, warm kiss to your lips as his hips roll again and your breath catches. “Don’t worry. Daddy’s got you.” 
“I love you.” 
“I love you more.” He counters with another roll and you can feel the coil already tightening in your belly again. “I'm gonna cum this time but I need to move faster, you okay?” 
“M’okay.” You sigh as you lazily draw your fingers up and down his bicep that's resting against your ribs. “Fuck me. Please.”
“You’re so sweet with your manners.” He praises with another kiss before he pulls back and rams into you hard, your scream vibrates through the room. “There she is. There’s my good girl.” 
His pace picks up, he’s relentless with his thrusts, hitting you just where you need him and your screaming and crying and writhing underneath him as your sixth orgasm explodes through your body. He sits back on his heels and pulls your hips up with him, hands grabbing the fat of your ass as he pounds into you like a wild animal. He is grunting and groaning and throwing out the most filthy phrases as he chases his own release. With a chest tearing growl he stills and your body jerks as his sticky white cum coats your walls. He collapses on top of you with hot, heavy breaths fanning over your throat. 
“I think you should wear that dress more often.” He lets out a breathy laugh as he pulls his up and looks down at you with all the love in the world. 
“I can't just wear my wedding dress around town, silly boy.” You giggle as he kisses you quickly before jumping up off the bed and holding a hand out to you. 
“How about a hot bath in that big jacuzzi tub, Mrs. Munson?” 
“I would love to, Mr. Munson.” You take his hand and let him lead you into the en suite of your honeymoon suite, sickly sweet, blissed out grins on both your faces. "Hey!" You pull his hand just as he reaches the threshold of the bathroom and he turns to you with questioning eyes. “Thank you for today and for everything. It was perfect.” 
“You are perfect.” He beams his brightest smile as he pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your waist. “Thank you for allowing me to become your husband. It is the single greatest accomplishment of my life.” 
“Yeah, says three time Grammy winner, Eddie Munson.” you roll your eyes and his grip around your waist becomes tighter. 
“I mean it. None of this would mean shit without you. You are everything to me.” 
“And you are everything to me.” You push up on your tiptoes and press a quick kiss to his lips before you push him off of you with a smirk. “How about a round seven?” 
“I thought you’d never ask.” 
Needless to say Eddie beat his record that night… pulling twelve orgasms out of you before you finally passed out from the pleasure. He wrapped you in his arms and pressed sweet kisses to your temple before sleep finally started to creep in on him, his eyes never leaving your intertwined hands where your brand new rings sat nestled next to each other. 
Yeah, fuck the Grammy’s. This was so much better.
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nyifly22 · 3 days
Text
Redemption | Part III | Infatuation
Warnings: 18+, Infidelity, Angst, Language
Word count: 4307
My work is not to be replicated by anyone on this platforms or any others.
Part I | Part II
A.N. Y'all gonna jump me? Be honest! I'm back with a new chapter! Life was lifeing and kept me busy, but I finally had time to wrap this chapter up. This chapter takes a look back at Nola and Adonis' earliest encounters when he first starting forgetting he's a married man. As always, please excuse any mistakes!
--
Neck aches, a headache and heavy eyes plagued her as soon as she woke up. Yesterday’s events weighed heavily on her body. After talking to Louie and Raelle all night, she’d fully made up in her mind that she couldn’t have this baby, and it pained her more than anything. Nola always knew she’d be a mom but never put much thought or a timeline into it. Once she met Adonis most of her common sense disappeared and she stopped fully imagining what her future would look like to live in the present with him.
Crying had become a part of her routine at this point. She’d went to sleep crying and woke up with tears already brewing. Gently placing her hand on her stomach, she began to rub her hands in soothing circular motions. Closing her eyes, she took some time to get lost in a different reality. She’d be the one married to Adonis, they’d look at the pregnancy test results together, and they’d have so much fun planning for their precious bundle of joy. A little girl is who she visualized herself holding, swaddled in her mother’s quilt made for Nola when she was born. All the fantasies of her possible baby girl made her think about her angel, her mother. She’d lost her in high school but carried her in her heart every day. Moments like this made her almost feel her mother’s warm hug, something she needed desperately. As much as she knew her mother would beam with pride at all her accomplishments, she knew she’d also hold her accountable about getting herself into this predicament.
Looking at her phone lying on top of her covers, she saw that it was 7 am. With no text or updates from Adonis, she decided to take some time to make a doctor’s appointment. After securing an appointment to take place in three days, she headed downstairs to make breakfast. Her phone rang as she spread butter on her toast. “A.C.” it read. She couldn’t avoid this forever, so she took a deep breath and answered.
“Hello,” she greeted dryly.
“Hey, um, I’m outside.”
“Be right there.”
She went to open her front door and waved to signal his entrance was okay. They sat on two ends of the couch, the distance foreign to them. There were no words exchanged but the energy between them was charged. She was annoyed with herself by her inability to stop her tears. He heard her soft sniffles and stretched his arm to lay his hand on the middle cushion, hoping she’d accept his subtle offer of comfort, and she did.
“Why didn’t you call me when you took the test?” he inquired.
“Because I’m so ashamed of myself. We can’t keep doing this Adonis, and we can’t bring a child into this. It isn’t fair.”
He imagined her saying a lot of things, but never that she didn’t want to keep this baby. In 12 hours, thoughts of buying his baby small boxing gloves and finding a way to be a present and attentive father despite the mess he’d made ran through his mind. He moved closer to her, gently lifting her chin so they could finally look each other in the eyes.
“Is this a final decision? I can make anything work. I know I’ve created a shit show and dragged you into this because I’m selfish, and you don’t want this anymore, but I think we can do this? Is this really a final decision?” he pleaded.
“I have to end all of this. As much as I’d love to be a mom right now, dealing with a living, breathing result of us would make me never forgive myself. And how would you explain this to your wife? You’ve dealt with it personally, and as much as your mom loves you, you’ve told me you’ll always remember how bad your dad hurt her when you look in the mirror. We can’t let someone else feel that burden.”
Understanding exactly how she felt, he hung his head. He couldn’t tell her what to do with her body and he’d never want his child to feel the way he felt growing up. As much as it broke her heart, this was the right decision.
“I hear you,” he assured her. “I really, really do love you.”
“I love you too and in a perfect world, you’d be it for me, but you’re not mine to have.”
He’d lifted her hand to his lips saving the softness and scent of her skin to memory. This may be their goodbye, but he’d never be able to will her out of his brain, certainly not his heart.
“You said to let you go yesterday, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that,” he confessed.
“Me too, but hey, I feel completely out of line saying this, at least you have an amazing woman who loves you to devote all your time to. She’s really great, D.”
“Don’t I know it,” he huffed thinking about B. The pain in her eyes was burned into her brain. He would’ve loved to have both women in his life as ridiculous as that sounds, but his history with Bianca is what kept him tethered to her and his marriage. She deserved better.
“I told her everything. She doesn’t know exactly who you are, but I had to come clean once I saw those tests in your bathroom.”
She didn’t know she needed that weight off her shoulders. Being his secret was daunting. Between that and ending their relationship, she was ready to start her journey towards forgiving herself.
They decided to hold each other one more time and Adonis tried vigorously to get her to let him accompany her to the doctor and subsequent appointment to terminate. She refused, too concerned he’d get noticed while he was waiting for her. His tears ran freely and silently down his face, narrowly missing her head she laid on his chest. Leaving took a strength he didn’t know he had. He wasn’t only walking away from a woman he loved endlessly, but he was walking away from his child that he’d never meet. Their baby was certainly made from love but also deception and he’d have to live with that shame, loss, and grief forever. He drove home in silence, recalling how they met.
---
Two years prior…
“D, come on man, your car is outside!” Duke called up to him.
“Ight, I’m coming, I’m coming!” he responded.
Adonis clasp his gold chain around his neck and reached for his cologne. Quickly checking around the room for his phone he was distracted by Bianca laying across the bed on her stomach in one of his button-down shirts writing in her lyric book.
“Ow, D!” he smacked her ass to gain her attention before he left.
Turning onto her back, she rolled her eyes while wrapping her arms around her husband of 6 months.
“Just wanted your attention for a second because I’m heading out but get back to it before you start forgetting lyrics,” he kissed her nose and lips before pulling away.
“What time do you think the awards will be over?”
“Eh, probably at about 8. You know the ESPYs doesn’t run too long because there are so little performances.”
“Okay, sounds good. I’ll probably be at the studio when you get back, but I’ll be home to you before you know it,” they shared a final kiss before Adonis hurried to meet Duke downstairs and head to the theater.
The newlyweds fell into their new normal easily. In both of their minds maybe a little too easy, but they’d never let each other know that. Bianca was afraid they’d lost their spark which should’ve been a firework after only being married for six months. Instead, it felt as though they’d been married for 17 years, and while that showcased the beauty of their comfortability with each other, it also showcased their complacency. Adonis couldn’t pinpoint what was off about them, in fact, everything felt the same. No giddy excitement, not constantly touching or fucking, just their same routine, perhaps duller. They’d lacked passion. Sometimes Adonis questioned if he subconsciously proposed simply because he couldn’t think of what their next step could be. Of course, he loved B, but the love and vigor he once felt for her had dimmed. But what was passion and vigor anyway? Both understood that like all things, relationships have ebbs and flows. There will be times when they felt like they were just getting to know each other all over again and excited to be with each other every day, and then there were times when they’d need space and desire alone time. This just felt different. Distant almost. Like they were two very well-acquainted roommates who thought the other were a great person.
Adonis rode in silence next to Duke as they made their way to the ESPY awards. He often rushed through events like this, but he had already decided to be sure to enjoy his time away from the staleness of his home. He arrived and walked the red carpet, stopping for various photos and interviews before heading inside.
“Aye, Donnie, they said we’re up over this way,” Duke stated.
Casual conversation between Duke and Adonis ensued as they waited for the awards to begin. A few seat fillers took a moment to ask him for pictures in the meantime. Noticing two more ladies patiently waiting out of his peripheral, he finally turned toward them.
“Would y’all like a picture?” Adonis asked.
“Oh, no thank you. We’re just waiting to get past you to go to our seats,” he finally looked fully in her face after hearing her recognizable voice.
“Wow, I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize! Let me get out y’all way,” he said lightly pushing Duke out the way as well.
Adonis was mesmerized. He’d seen Nola so many times on his screens when watching a sports channel or catching her interviewing various celebrities. She was always an obviously attractive woman, the exact definition of a stallion. In her heels she was only about two to three inches shorter than his 6’2” frame and looking at how high her heels were, she probably stood at 5’8” or 5’9” flat foot. Her slick back long curly ponytail highlighted how beautiful her face was and that shape was insane. She had skin so smooth it looked as if he swiped his finger up her arm, he'd end up sticky from literal honey. He couldn’t even begin to describe her scent as anything other than intoxicating.
“Tighten up Mr. Married,” Duke whispered, patting Adonis on his chest.
Fully closing his mouth from its slightly ajar stance, clearing his throat, and collecting himself mentally, he returned to his seat. She was 4 seats down in his row and he kept trying to steal glances all night. Mesmerized. He was disappointed when she exited their row following the end of the show on the opposite side, but he loosely kept track of where she was walking until he lost her in the crowd.
It wasn’t until an hour later during the after party that he saw her again and he was excited to simply admire her. Duke once again was the one to pill him out of his trance.
“Donnie, you’ve been slipping since you saw ole girl. Yea she’s beautiful and you have eyes, but need I remind you; you are married!”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about Duke,” Adonis retorted bringing the cup of brown liquor to his lips.
“I’m just saying. You’re staring like you’re plotting, and I don’t want you to get caught up or hurt Bianca.”
“I’d never dream of any of that. Especially hurting B, so you can ease up Duke. No need to worry,” with that he topped off the rest of his drink and headed to mingle amongst the crowd.
---
“Thank you again for bringing me sissy. These athletes are fine,” Naelle said.
“Of course, babe. This was just another reason for us to get cute and take advantage of the open bar,” Nola laughed.
The best friends laughed, socialized, and danced all night, and all-night Nola kept catching the eyes of Adonis Creed. When she passed him earlier at the awards, she felt her heart rate pick up. He was a beautiful man. Watching him graciously take photos with fans was so sweet and she was reminded of the single photo that circulated quietly on twitter of him and Indie artist Bianca on their wedding day when she saw his wedding band.
“Mmm… that’s a very lucky woman,” she thought to herself.
He remained out of sight, out of mind for the rest of the night. The after party made that a challenge since his hooded stares all but confirmed his intense attraction to her. None of his subtle and non-verbal advances mattered to her because he was a married man and she’d be damned if she got involved in that in any way.
The air was crisp that night. Unusually so for July. Nola snaked her hands up and down her arms to evoke some warmth as she waited for her black car to pull up with Naelle.
“Ugh, I can’t wait to kick these heels off,” Nola complained.
“Who you telling? You and Louie ate with your look tonight though, so it was worth it,” Naelle said making them both giggle.
“You do look quite beautiful,” a deep velvety voice said from behind them.
She was shocked when she turned her head to see the newly crowned heavy weight champion smiling back at her, no longer accompanied by the legendary trainer she recognized him with earlier. He was making her blush hard, and if it wasn’t for her rich complexion and the powder blush on her face, he’d be able to tell.
“Thank you,” she smiled coyly at him before turning around.
The black car finally pulled up with the driver hopping out to open the back door. Following Naelle into the car, Nola gracefully placed one foot into the car before her right heel got caught on her gown.
“Here, let me help you,” Adonis rushed over to pick up her dress.
His hand rested on the small of her back to steady her and it made a warmth spread throughout her whole body. The knight in tarnished armor handed her the bottom of her dress as she sat down.
“Thank you,” her smile certainly made him want to faint.
They held eyes for what felt like an eternity. Searching almost, with gentle smiles.
“You’re welcome. Be safe ladies,” softly patting the roof of the car and closing the door, Adonis committed the moment to memory, with Nola doing the same.
“Someone is trying to have you front row at a match,” Naelle joked.
“He’s married and clearly trouble.”
The conversation naturally lulled to something else before Nola’s driver dropped off Naelle. When she reached her oasis of an apartment, she immediately got comfortable by showering, putting on her favorite target pajamas, making a cup of tea and cozying up in her king-sized bed while putting on season 1 of P-Valley. She was a full episode in when she decided to quickly log into Instagram.
400 likes, across 3 pictures
63 comments
94 new followers
7 dms
Her eyes practically jumped out her head when she saw his name at the top of her inbox.
“No fucking way,” she audibly said.
She wasn’t sure if she should open his message, but she was itching to. He more than intrigued her. It was almost as if he literally had a rope around her waist and was pulling her in. She couldn’t resist his energy, even through the phone. She squeezed her eyes shut as she tapped his name.
Hope you made it home safe and had a great night. This is quite forward, I know, but I’d love to grab a drink or some food with you. Of course, I’d understand if your answer is no, but I really hope you say yes.
She was typing yes before her mind could fully think about what she was doing. Maybe he and his wife were separated or getting a divorce? Maybe she was being completely delusional, but she needed to see that man and feel that spark again.
[3 Days Later]
Adonis waited patiently in the safety of his car in front of a small and quaint restaurant. He didn’t expect her to answer his dm, let alone so quickly. After confirming a date and time, Adonis reached out to a new restaurant he was interested in trying and paid the buyout fee for the night.
Resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he waited for her arrival, using the time to try and fool himself. This was just a friendly meet up for dinner. A quick catch up, a moment to make a new friend. The only reason he didn’t tell Bianca was because she was so busy recording her album. All lies that he’d have to convince himself were true. When he saw the black jeep pull up in the spot next to him and Nola exit the car, he quickly gathered himself to meet her.
“Ah, you made it,” Adonis called to her as she checked her bag ensuring she had all she needed.
Cutely giggling she countered, “Of course I did. It’s good to see you Adonis.”
He led her into the beautiful sushi bar and guided her to the only set table in the space.
“It’s completely empty in here,” Nola observed.
“Yea, I bought it out for the night.”
She smiled sweetly as she battled being impressed at his thoughtfulness to drown out all the noise around them or being disgusted and offended that he bought out the restaurant to make sure no one saw him with her.
They enjoyed their meal and each other’s company. Learning they had so much in common almost felt like they’d been reminiscing as two old friends who had simply not seen each other in years. The chemistry between the pair was charged. They pulled energy from each other, creating a constant flow of fireworks. Before either knew it, they’d been at the restaurant for two and a half hours.
“Thank you for saying yes to this. I really…” searching her eyes, Adonis got a green light to be vulnerable, “I really enjoyed this and you. Your company.”
“I really enjoyed tonight and you too.”
Walking out leisurely to their cars, they exchanged more laughs and final goodbyes. Ever the gentleman, Adonis opened Nola’s door, waiting for her to safely sit in her car.
“Thank you for tonight, D. It was really thoughtful,” she got comfortable calling him the nickname during dinner.
“Of course. I thought this would make you smile.”
They’d both lost the will to starve their desire. The night was ending, and they were able to fight their attraction the entire time. He grabbed her chin and captured her lips in a kiss in one swift swoop. She granted him full access, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. They stood between her car door and front seat getting orally acquainted with each other. His lips were silk against hers and the pair seamlessly moved in tandem. Creating a dance that felt like they perfected years ago. Adonis found his hands now wandering around her waist, trying to pull her closer than physically possible.
Nola was on the same voyage, craving to be completely melded against his skin.  Only releasing her lips air, Adonis began his descent down her neck. His quick nip and lick at her throat made her step fully back into her conscience. What in the hell was she doing?! Kissing a married man next to her car in a parking lot… a famous man!
“Wait, Adonis!” her lips swollen from their gentle battle said.
Stopping abruptly, but still leaning ever so close to her almost out of necessity, Adonis searched her face, completely enthralled by her looking like a goddess in front of him.
“Yea… yea I know. I’m sorry,” he continued.
They stood in front of each other without words yet fully understanding what the other was saying. This was it. Were they going to walk away and stand strong against their attraction to each other?
Adonis phone vibrated in his pocket and was loud enough to also alert Nola. His eye contact never wavered, until she spoke up.
“You should get that,” her voice so low she almost only mouther the words.
Dragging his phone out of his pocket he saw a text. This had to be the universe and God telling him to walk away.
Bianca – Hey babe, I’m going to grab some food for dinner tonight before I head back to the studio. Let me know if you want me to grab you some too!
His eyes squeezed shut before responding.
Adonis – Thank you babe, but I just ate. Meet you at home soon.
“Thanks for coming out today, Nola,” he said again.
“Of course. Take care of yourself, Adonis,” he leaded in for a hug but Nola quickly lifter her hand to stop him.
“I don’t think we should have physical contact again,” she stated making them both giggle.
“Touché,” his smile beamed. Even amid their small tornado of hormones and emotions, she was still making him laugh.
“Get home safe,” his last statement before they both headed their own way.
--
He saw Bianca exiting her car as he pulled into the driveway. She looked gorgeous, light-hearted, and free. He had to get ahead of this and tell her he’d kissed another woman. She meant too much to him to lie. They shared too much history at this point, and he’d married her. There was no way he could become deceptive like his father.
Her eyes lit up and her cheeks turned up with a smile when she saw his old school car park to her.
“Hey handsome!”
“Hey baby,” hiss kiss on her cheek by their front door made her scrunch her eyebrows. She was fully prepared to connect his beautiful lips, but she chucked it up to his eagerness to get inside.
The newlyweds settled into their routine. Bianca showered, Adonis showered, and they retreated to their individual interest. 11 pm rolled around and Bianca began getting ready to head to the studio.
Ever the night owl, B found most of her creativity in the middle of the night and luckily for her so did her production team. She tried to limit her nights away from Adonis to a maximum of three nights a week. He’d told her before it was okay since he stayed up late most nights too studying tapes or reviewing and prepping for meetings, but she found comfort in going to bed with him.
“Okay D, I’m about to head out,” she stated leaning over the back of the couch and wrapping her arms around his toned shoulders.
“Ight, no problem, babe,” he never lost focus as she placed a kiss just behind his ear and he on her hand, while still reviewing the footage of one of his proteges.
Taking a break about 40 minutes after Bianca left, Adonis decided to scroll quickly through Instagram.
“This algorithm is terrible,” he whispered while scrolling past a reel posted four days prior.
All movement ceased when he saw her appear. It was a photo of her in London with friends.
My favorite people with me in one of my favorite cities. Grateful.
His eyes were solely focused on her in the image. Bundled up, a coffee in hand, arms linked with her friends and head leaning on one of her friends’ shoulders. She looked ethereal, like someone only seen in dreams. He hated what she brought up in him. Just the sight of her made him forget all the promises he made. “I promise to remain faithful and true.” When he recited those words as a part of his vows, he wholeheartedly believed he could do it. Then he met Nola.
“Call her,” the thought shouted in his head.
Instead, showing some sort of control, he just shook his head and kept scrolling. With thoughts of Nola never leaving his mind, he continued his mindless scroll until he came across some red-carpet photos from the ESPY’s. There she was again, on the 4th slide looking gorgeous in the dress he’d seen her in that night. This was almost too coincidental, it had to be fate. He rarely ever saw her on his timeline because he didn’t follow her, and she’d only pop up if he saw her working an event. All restraint was gone. He went to her contact and hesitated for only a millisecond before pressing the facetime icon.
It rang out three times before she answered. She wore a look of surprise and confusion, evident in her furrowed brows.
“H-heeyy,” she dragged lightly hoping to get him to explain why he had called her at 10:45 pm.
“Hey! I’m sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you and I know this is forward but... would you be open to some company? I enjoyed talking to you and just want to do that some more,” he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding after finishing his sentence.
Her racing mind was so loud, even though there was complete silence on the line. Once again, all logic and sound decision making completely evaporated from her being.
“Actually... yea. I’ll text you my address,” she finally responded.
“Oh, um, ight,” he was stunned that she obliged him but didn’t want her to suddenly change her mind. “I’ll see you soon.”
---
A.N. Please share any feedback! Thank you for sticking with it y'all 💕.
21 notes · View notes
markantonys · 28 days
Note
Conversation on Twitter on how book Moiraine and Rand's antagonism and distrust despite needing each other is what keeps them from just being Gandalf and Frodo 2.0 and because the show made Moiraine the viewpoint character in s1 they just made Rand and Moiraine's relationship like Gandalf and Frodo's but like... They are antagonistic towards each other in s1. In s2 they argue too. And s3 it very likely could take a nose dive again. I do think the show toned down the antagonism a bit but the main difference is that I think show Rand respects her but I don't think he trusts her
has anyone in the world ever watched wotshow and thought to themselves "wow, moiraine and rand remind me so much of gandalf and frodo"????? in the early episodes of s1 MAYBE (in the exact same way that somebody reading EOTW might think so) but by the end of s2 the whole vibe of the characters & of the dynamic as well as the things moiraine is mentoring rand on and the goals they're trying to accomplish, all of that is so vastly different from gandalf and frodo - in large part BECAUSE they made moiraine a viewpoint character and fleshed her out as more than just the mysterious wizard mentor figure. and even the simple fact of the mentor being a woman (and a gay woman at that) and the mentee being a man is enough of a twist on standard same-gender mentor-mentee fantasy dynamics that you honestly barely even need to change anything else to make it feel fresh (tho ofc the books & show do change plenty of other stuff as well). i've seen a number of show-onlys list "wise wizard mentor being a woman instead of a man" as an initial unique selling point that got them to tune into the show, so clearly they aren't feeling that this mentorship dynamic is trite and tired and same-y.
ostensibly, an argument like this is concerned about show-onlys; readers already know what rand & moiraine's dynamic is like, so if a reader is arguing that the show made it too similar to gandalf & frodo, that means their concern, ostensibly, is that someone who does NOT already know anything about the dynamic wouldn't find it engaging. of course, this subset of readers doesn't actually give a shit about show-onlys' opinions or about the show catering to them and being accessible and enjoyable to them, but ostensibly, this take is worried about the dynamic being able to engage viewers who don't have any book context or knowledge and know only what the show has shown them.
in which case, i'm gonna need readers to actually bother talking to show-onlys and finding out what they think about stuff before making arguments like this, because i highly doubt any show-only is out there thinking that moiraine & rand's dynamic is boring because it's too similar to gandalf & frodo. genuinely, so many bad reader show-takes would be solved if they actually engaged with show-onlys (and show-onlys of a broader spectrum than just "wlw twitter who would jump in a lake if moiraine told them to") and took their input as indicative of how the show is doing at portraying xyz, because so many of the things they complain about the show not conveying properly are things that do, in fact, come across perfectly well to show-onlys. but this take feels less like "i'm genuinely concerned that the moiraine-rand dynamic in the show is not engaging to those who have no prior knowledge of what their dynamic is like" and more like "i've been mad about moiraine being bumped up to primary character level for 3 years and am making up new reasons to explain why it's bad because everybody else has stopped listening to me shouting about the original reasons"
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deludedfantasy · 8 months
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Trimax Vol 9 Ch 1-3
On the one hand, I'm loving the Wolfwood centric chapters because I think he's such an interesting character. On the other hand, I know what's coming and the looming presence of vol 10 haunts me the further in I get. But here are some thoughts on Wolfwood and Livio from the first half of this volume.
Ch 1
Omg more baby Wolfwood!!! And a baby Livio!!!
Damn, Wolfwood is very determined to get across this bridge. I wonder why the guard looked like he recognized him though.
Wolfwood is such an annoying big brother, just tossing things at poor crying Livio’s head. Notice though that he’s just trying to feed him and keep him hydrated. He’s always been disguising his sweetness and care as rudeness. 
Oh Wolfwood, he’s just trying to give Livio’s life meaning when he doesn’t feel like he’s worth anything. I wonder how long he’s been at the orphanage to be so familiar with that feeling of being worthless that he treats it so casually. It’s certainly not as new or raw as it is for Livio.
Oh yay, Livio!! He saved that girl and now he feels accomplished! 
Livio’s eyes looking all blank and empty while he’s standing in a dark alley…it’s so ominous. I really gotta give Nightow here that we haven’t spent a lot of time with young Livio and he’s already making me feel a lot of emotions about him. 
Oh no. OH NO. This doesn’t get any easier to handle on second read. Livio looks so scared of himself when he sees the blood on his hands and especially the look on Jasmine’s face when she sees him afterwards.
And still, Wolfwood is defending him! Once you’re his friend, once he cares about you, that’s it. He’s in it for the long haul. In reality, he has such a big heart, and the Eye of Michael tried so hard to kill that part of him. 
So, Wolfwood comes home to find it besieged by the man he once thought of as a brother, who he barely recognizes anymore. It’s pretty grim, and Livio himself looks like he has mixed feelings about being back.
Oh? I thought Livio was part of the Eye of Michael. Why was he thrown out? Also, isn’t Chapel the head? Can’t he just…reinstate him if he wants, without this whole proving himself charade? This is Chapel though so I don’t know why I’m expecting anything different. 
Also more reasons I want to hunt Chapel for sport. His love for his family is what kept Wolfwood human and what motivated him for all these years. It’s the best thing about him. (Though there’s some foreshadowing to him saying these attachments are fatal…I’m gonna take a break to sob in the corner for a sec, brb)
Where did these children get a gun from??? Actually, on this planet, I don’t know why I’m even asking that question, guns are everywhere. But still. 
These mercenaries are the worst of the worst. Like, calling children worthless and being so willing to kill them for just some money, just to get a rise out of someone. Says a lot about the Eye of Michael that this is who they hire.
But hey, Livio comes to the rescue! Though whether it was actually to save the kid or just to see what was going on remains to be seen.
Ch 2
So the orphanage kids vaguely recognize Wolfwood as someone they think they know, though he’s older than he should be. Thus begins the question that has been plaguing me for months: how old is Wolfwood??? 
Wolfwood comes in and fucks shit up, as usual. But the big thing here, as many people have pointed out, he’s giving them a chance. He’s not shooting to kill. He’s living up to Vash’s, and now his own, philosophy. To the bitter end, he’s going to try and be a better person. 
But these guys are horrible. Like I said, the worst example of humanity to contrast Wolfwood (who at least in Vash’s eyes is something like the shining example of humanity in all its complexity). The mercenaries shoot their “friend” rather than save him to get a bigger share. As if we needed any more reminding what Wolfwood is up against. 
Wolfwood is really playing up the action hero bit this time. And you know what, it’s so cool. 
But he totally learned that fake-out shooting background trick from when Vash rescued. They’re learning from each other. (Aaaaand I’ve made myself sad again)
I love a good callback! Wolfwood once told Vash this and told him he’d have to make a choice. But now we know he was also talking about himself. He hasn’t had a lot of options over the years, especially once he joined the Eye. But now, it’s time for him to make a choice. He has to decide who he is, whose side he’s on, and what he’s willing to do to protect what he loves. 
I hate to say this, but for once Chapel has a teeny tiny point. Wolfwood doesn’t have room for doubt here, and he is a man who has had a lot of doubts over the course of the story, both about Vash’s actions and his own. There isn’t any more time to run away from his situation. He has to face it head on and with surety.
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Exactly, Chapel! Wolfwood hasn’t changed, he’s stayed true to himself and the man he wants to be. He’s not using his true powers because that would mean killing and above all, Wolfwood is done being a murderer. Before he was killing to protect his family, but now he’s decided that’s enough. For them, he’ll stop and he’ll save them without giving up another piece of his soul. 
Okay, Chapel, I get that you want him to be an efficient killer, but Wolfwood is 100% maiming these guys to get through them. Like, they are not coming out of this unscathed, in the slightest. He’s very much putting them out of commission as well. 
LIVIO CAUGHT A ROCKET AND REDIRECTED IT WITH HIS BARE HANDS???? INSANE!!! 
On the one hand, yay Livio saved the orphanage! On the other hand, he did it because orders and also because Chapel isn’t done using the orphanage to torment Wolfwood.
Ch 3
Awww, the kids remember Wolfwood and think of him as a protector. Because that’s who he is at heart!!! 
“We have to rely on ourselves. We cannot rely on someone who isn’t here.” BUT HE IS!!!! AND HE CAME BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS HOME SO MUCH. 
Has Wolfwood been wondering for all these years what happened to Livio? Did he literally only in the last few months find out that he’s also a member of the Eye? Either way, it’s a gut punch for him to be confronted by him and realize how much he’s changed. That crybaby Livio has so wholeheartedly taken to being a killer, when Wolfwood once tried so hard to protect him from that. 
Poor Livio. No Man’s Land is such a cruel world that people just beat up helpless kids for being in the way. He left the orphanage, a place where he was safe and loved, because he felt like he was a danger, because he felt like he didn’t deserve their love and care. Livio himself isn’t much of a fighter, but he doesn’t even try to defend himself. This is just what he believes a monster like himself deserves. 
The Razlo notes are so ominous, but Livio just laughs at them. They’re violent but they’re also offering to protect him, and he just shrugs it off. He doesn’t want anything at all. 
My favorite, though, is “I’ll be your fangs.” Perhaps like Double Fang? 
As Livio is being badly beaten, he thinks of saving Jasmine, but he’s also overcome by how much he just doesn’t care anymore. He’s sick of being a punching bag and of being helpless. What does it matter now if he’s violent if at least it gets the hurt to stop? 
I love that Razlo is literally represented as a dark shadow the first time Livio meets him because he’s literally Livio’s dark shadow, the part of himself he’s been afraid of for so long. 
Notice how we can only see one of Razlo’s eyes, his left one. The same side of Livio’s face that’s covered in blood and the same side of his face he wears his skull mask on. He’s literally split in two, between life and death, purity and blood. 
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Okay, but how did Razlo know about the Eye? Was it because they’d come to the orphanage recruiting while Livio was there? But they obviously don’t present themselves as a cult of assassins when they come (at least, I assume they don’t, because I can’t imagine Ms. Melanie willing giving children to them otherwise), so how would Razlo know that they would fit in there?
I forgot Wolfwood goes for a kill shot here! Although, he knows he’s up against the Eye so it’s not gonna keep Livio down forever. But imagine reading this as it was coming out and thinking Wolfwood actually killed him! Because it certainly reads that way.
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backslashdelta · 2 months
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I am a little 🤯🤯🤯 rn (in a good way) and want to ramble about it but also don't want to sound like I'm bragging sooooo gonna talk about a very cool but very adult thing (in the boring way, not the sexy way) under the cut.
Final warning: don't read this if you don't want to think about money/finances/home ownership.
Okay so I bought a house back in like 2018. I live in a small area and the sellers wanted to sell quick (and I think to someone planning to live there for a while vs rent or flip it) and it was just before all the housing prices started to explode, so I got a really good price on the house, and also got a decent interest rate on the mortgage.
At the time I'd been at the job I was doing for less than a year, and was making not amazing money but decent enough for where I live and for it being my first job out of school. Enough to afford the mortgage on the house and not be struggling, anyway.
I got laid off, found a new job that paid a bit better. And also gave out raises and promotions pretty quickly. So I'm now making nearly 3 times what I was making when I bought the house, and I've maxed out my mortgage payments (you're only allowed to increase them so much before the bank won't let you anymore) and also dropped a few lump sum payments on it to cut down on the amount.
My mortgage is up for renewal this summer, interest rates are shit. And... I have more than enough savings to pay off the rest of what I owe. So I think I'm just going to do it?
I'm not 100% sure but I was talking to my friend who works at a bank and she said I should just do it. I have enough in savings to pay it off and still have money left over, plus I have an untouched line of credit if anything super serious comes up that I actually need money for. And without a mortgage I'll replenish my savings really fast anyway because I won't have the mortgage payments anymore.
I'm going to think a little more but I'm thinking I'll do it before my birthday. It would be very very cool to turn 30 and already own my house outright. But it's also very surreal. And I feel a little bad talking about it, because I know so many people are struggling and that so many people may never even have the opportunity to buy a home while here I am, nearly having my mortgage paid off? Kind of makes me feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong, but I know I'm not. I'm super lucky to be in a position where this is possible. But also I have worked really damn hard for this and I'm kinda proud of myself for being able to accomplish something that feels so surreal. I dunno. I just wanted to talk about it a little but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, because I know money can be a sensitive topic.
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scarletttries · 2 years
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"Is that my shirt?" ( Kendall Roy Request)
Pairing: Kendall Roy (Succession) x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2.3k
Request: “108. "Is that my shirt?" with kendall! <3”
Author's Note: Thank you so much for this Kendall request, he’s so fun to write for and I hope you like it!☺️
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Is That My Shirt?
You sighed as you saw his face pop up on your phone, knowing exactly what he was going to say before you even answered. You stared out the window as the car he had called for you sped through downtown New York, trying to gauge how far you were from his place,
"Hey Kendall, you okay?" You picked up after four rings, making him wait a little before he did the same to you,
"Hey gorgeous, I'm fine, I'm just stuck in a fucking meeting and I'm gonna be late again, and I know I'm always late but I really can't help it today." He pleaded, never wanting you to feel like you are anything other than his number one priority. You smiled at the way he always rambles when he’s on the phone to you, and cut him off,
"It's fine 'dall, I'm almost at your place so I'll just see you when I see you. Let me know when you're finally on your way, and get home safe. " Your voice was soft and warm as you reassured him, frustrated with how much time you spent waiting around for Kendall, but knowing the moment he arrived it was more than worth.
"You're the best babe, and I'll be there as soon as this bullshit’s over. And you have a key, so make yourself at home. Like seriously, go through my shit, drink a $40,000 bottle of wine, I don't give a fuck, as long as you’re happy." He said excitedly, always trying to get you settled in his elaborate place, hoping you will naturally stop spending time at your apartment and away from him.
As your car pulled into the garage of his building you thanked the driver and headed up to his place, determined to make good on his offer. You found waiting in Kendall's place intimidating; everything was so clean and neat, perfectly in its place, with furniture too expensive to ever really relax on. Half the time you were there on your own you ended awkwardly shrinking into an armchair with a book, his remote too complicated to risk trying the TV. But today you resolved to make the most of having the place to yourself.
First things first, you needed to get out of your work clothes, desperate to shed the day so far. Kendall's words echoing through your mind you opened his closet, rifling through the two equal but opposing sections; his work clothes, rows of quality suits and white shirts, and his fun clothes, embellished jackets, expensive sneakers, bold sweatshirts. It brought a smile to your face seeing the two halves of Kendall so clearly laid out, and being in the privileged position to see the less rigid side of him. You flicked the fun section until you found a surprisingly simple white shirt, with just a small moth embroidered on the front pocket, probably the trademark of a brand you didn't have nearly enough money to recognise. You pulled it on with a pair of his boxer shorts, leaving half the buttons undone for comfort, feeling more at home already.
Now that you were feeling fresh and comfy you figured you should try and do something fun to entertain yourself, rather than just killing time until your date arrived home. You picked up the huge media console from his living room table, remembering him mentioning that it was linked to all the speakers built into his place. It took a frustrating length of time, and a condescending YouTube tutorial, but the moment you heard your Friday night playlist started to blast through the speakers it was so worth it. You celebrated your technical accomplishment with a spirited victory dance, before moving to the kitchen to get yourself a drink. You thought about breaking into an overpriced bottle of wine, but went the fridge instead, almost gasping when you opened it. It was completely stocked, produce perfectly organised in neat rows, everything you could imagine in there, despite the fact that you had never seen Kendall cook. You stated into it for a full minute before settling on treating yourself to some fancy Aloe Vera drink from the door and knowing exactly what you wanted your next activity to be. You followed a small corridor down past the kitchen, one you had never been down before, on the hunt for an even more well-stocked part of the house. Finding the elaborate pantry just behind the kitchen, it was exactly what you expected; filled with everything you could imagine, all in completely unopened bags or perfectly filled and labelled jars, so you got to work exploring all the potential ingredients and pulling out different things you wanted to use to bake yourself something. You settled on making cookies with oats, brown sugar and cinnamon, dancing your way back to the kitchen with your arms filled with the bounties of your successful foraging. You cranked the music up to a level that you could only get away with when you're in a penthouse, shifting into full dance party mode as you mixed all the ingredients together in the designer stand mixer you were sure had never been used before in its life. The dough came together quickly in the high end machine and it wasn't long until the cookies were in the oven, leaving you ten minutes to dance through Kendall's place, exploring behind all the doors you'd never opened before, wishing you had made the most of having the expansive apartment to yourself before. A timer blared over the speakers when your cookies were ready, a sign you had now fully mastered Kendall's ridiculously complex media remote. You pulled them out of the oven, before rummaging through more of the kitchen cupboards to find something to ice them with.
***
The first thing Kendall noticed as he stepped through his door was the smell. Sweet, warm, cosy. His place had never smelled like it before, a smile subconsciously creeping across his cheeks as he picked up on the upbeat music filling the air. He shrugged off his jacket, shouting across the music,
"Why does my home smell like fucking heaven?" He almost stumbled on the word, realising he hadn't used it for his apartment before; home. That's what the place finally felt like, warm air filled with cinnamon, your gentle voice floating over the music, someone he loved to come home to. The voice in his head focused on that word again as he came down the corridor and turned to find you in the kitchen, mixing something together.
"Hey 'dall." You called out, setting down your bowl and opening your arms for his embrace. He stopped just short of you, smiled widened as his eyes traced over your form.
"Is that my shirt?" He grinned, his hands running over your covered sides. "Now I know I'm in heaven, because you look like a fucking angel." He practically growled, his hands dipping below the hem to find your thighs, scooping you onto the counter behind him. You let out a small squeak as he lifted you, "Careful of the cookies." You jokingly pleaded, looping your arms around his neck and bringing his lips to yours. He smiled against into the kiss,
"You even baked? God you are the fucking best, you know that right? Like really just the sweetest fucking person ever." He beamed, leaning back into the kiss, his hands still gripping your thighs.
"Well you said to make myself at home." You joked back, hands moving to play with the buttons on his shirt, lips meeting his with more passion.
"Feels a lot more like home with you here." He replied sincerely, his hands skimming over your skin lightly, trailing over the waistband of the boxers you had borrowed.
"And you look fucking incredible in my shirt, you definitely should never wear anything else." His fingertips hooked the edge of the waistband, pulling them off your hips as he continued,
"But I think you should lose these." You hummed in agreement as your lips found his neck, lifting your hips slightly to allow him to tug the underwear down your legs. Kendall breathed a deep sigh as they landed on the kitchen floor, taking in the view of you in nothing but his shirt, perched on his kitchen counter. He sunk to his knees, eyes gazing up at you in adoration, kissing lightly up your inner thigh.
"You are So. Fucking. Beautiful." He punctuated each word with a rising kiss, your chest fluttering as he grew closer to your entrance. His nose rubbed gently against your clit as his tongue plunged between your folds, lapping hungrily. He licked over your centre like you were the sweetest thing to ever come out of this kitchen, gripping your hips firmly to keep you exactly where he wanted you. He felt the vibration of your moans roll through you, spurring him into overdrive, his fingers skimming up between your thighs, one slowly sliding into you as his tongue circled your clit. Your back arched, pushing your hips towards him of their own accord. desperate to feel him inside of you. His finger slowly brushed over the most sensitive points inside of you, eliciting small whimpers from your lips as he worked, each noise getting him more and more worked up. He could feel your muscles tense up as his tongue grazed over you gently, careful to keep the pressure light and teasing. You moaned out as the pressure inside you built, needing more of him,
"Kendall, please fuck me." You felt him hum happily against your centre before he got back to his feet, working his belt buckle while you crashed your lips against his, whimpering at the feeling of his fingers leaving you. He looked at you greedily, smiling as he pulled out his aching erection,
"You want me?" He loved seeing you crave him, desperate to make you feel nearly as good as he felt coming home to you.
"I want you Kendall." You echoed, voice thick with lust as you went to unbutton the shirt that covered you. His hands immediately reached out to stop you,
"Leave it on, I like seeing you in my clothes. And in my place." He breathed out low, lining himself up with your dripping entrance. You nodded, instead pushing the shirt from his shoulders, resolved to steal it later on now that you'd seen Kendall's enthusiasm for it. Your nails dug into his shoulders as he pushed into you, the satisfying feeling of being filled by him washing over you. Kendall let out a low moan as his hips bucked into you, gripping your thighs hard as he withdrew slowly before plunging in again. Your kiss stifled his moans as he worked, thrusting hard into you, driving you back to the edge his fingers brought you so close to.
"Fuck. I love coming home to you." He grunted against your lips as one of his hands settled between your legs, returning to brush teasingly lightly over your clit, beautifully contrasting how hard he was fucking you. You moaned out his name as he played with you softly, watching the material of shirt straining over your chest as you arched your back at his touch, You squirmed against his counter, the cold marble surface sending even more sensation through your sensitive, flushing skin. Kendall thrusts grew frantic, feeling the way your legs twitched around him, he knew he was getting you close. He cupped your cheek lightly as his fingers between your legs kept brushing over your clit at a steady gentle pace, knowing exactly how to bring you the peak of your pleasure. He smiled at you, eyes dark with lust, as he held your face in place, watching your mouth fall slightly open, eyes fluttering shut as he pounded into you, drinking in your reaction. It only took a few more gentle brushes of his fingers to send you over the edge, impossibly turned on by the sight of him watching you in awe, eyes locking as the pleasure washed over you. He kept his steady pace as your orgasm shook through you, his name falling from your lips absentmindedly until you watched his eyes clench shut, his own pleasure releasing inside of you. He stayed buried between your legs as you both came down from your highs, his lips meeting yours with renewed sweetness. His fingers brushed your hair away from your face, eyes filled with affection as he drank in the sight of you.
"I really do love coming home to you." He repeated sincerely, a tinge of vulnerability coming through his voice.
"I like it too 'dall, I had a really nice time here today." You replied, finally starting to feel more at home in his space. You reached carefully to the side, picking up a still slightly warm cookie and breaking it in half, handing half to Kendall, the kind of easy, sweet gesture he could never get enough of. "Cookie?" You offered. He took it, looking pensive, quiet for a moment as he took a bite before speaking again,
"You should move in with me."
"You must really like my baking." You chuckled, butterflies stirring inside of you at the idea of spending all your nights with Kendall.
"I'm serious." He couldn't look you in the eye as he spoke, conditioned to expect punishment or ridicule at any sign of vulnerability, a pattern you were determined to break for him.
"I would love to Kendall." You agreed sincerely, taking his face gently in your hands, as you placed a sweet kiss on his forehead, watching him smile as he looked up to meet your warm gaze. "Plus, I figured out how to use your remote today so I basically own this place now." You said proudly, a burst of laughter erupting from Kendall as he pulled you back against his chest,
"Fuck yeah you do, you're the fucking smartest person in this place."
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penandinkprincess · 10 months
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i just want to say thanks for your recent personal posts- i’m about to turn 31 and i’m on my 5th try to finish my bachelor’s degree (which may or may not happen this time again, tbh) and i feel like everyone has sort of given up on believing me when i say i still have the same dreams i had when i was 17 and had a plan, and watching people i grew up with accomplish things and become these new and impressive people when i feel like i haven’t moved since i was 19 and wanted to die is a constant ache i think i might never get rid of, but it honest to god helps knowing i’m not the only one who feels like that.
and if i’m honest, you’re someone i really look up to in terms of like, building a life and being a person- i know you only share bits and pieces of your life (as you should, we’re all faceless strangers) but you work so hard to take real concrete steps to your own happiness, and i want to learn from that. i want to fill my home with beautiful things that make me smile, and i want to cook food that makes me enjoy eating, and i want to be brave enough to go hiking because it’s good for me and there are beautiful things to see outside, even if i’m not great at it and i feel kind of silly and i don’t have anyone in this city to go with. i want to try new crafts and write stories that make me cry and maybe other people too if i’m lucky and wear clothes that make me feel at home in my body. i’m so proud of you for doing all these things every day, because i know how hard they can be, because i’m not doing them. but i want to, and seeing you do them makes me think that maybe i can. and maybe it’s not nasa, but you’ve managed to build a life for yourself filled with beauty and joy and people you care about, and that would be enough all on its own, but you’ve also done it where people can see who are just as impressed by your resin earrings as you are by your friend’s promotion. i’m glad you lived, and i’m glad you’re here with us.
(also for what it’s worth, i hope you didn’t feel pressured to share that post because people were saying you shouldn’t write about suicidal thoughts unless you’ve experienced them. because 1) that’s just fucking incorrect, and also 2) you don’t owe us shit. you don’t have to disclose anything to us for writing it to be ok. no one should ever have to feel like the free hobby they took up is contingent on flaying themselves open for an anonymous audience, that’s so gross and invasive. i don’t read your tlou fic (sorry, zombie settings wig me out =\) but i went to those blogs just long enough to block them and i was livid with what they were saying. you deserve better.)
i don't really have all the words to respond bc this gave me All The Feels, but i want to thank you, very, very sincerely, for this
and for what it's worth, i'm SO fucking proud of you for not giving up on getting your bachelors! i know that has to be hard and made harder by the people around you not understanding/supporting your goal, and it's SO fucking impressive that you're still going for it. and you're definitely not the only one who feels the way you do.
my own mushy posts aside, i do find it really comforting to remember that lives aren't on a timeline and sometimes we don't even know what dreams we're gonna have until we suddenly have them. i think there's always grief around "could have been"s and "i wish i had"s, but i find it really reassuring to remember things like the fact that julia child didn't even take her first serious cooking class until she was 36 and grandma moses didn't start painting until she was in her 70s. it doesn't always help with "I wish i already had the life i feel like my own issues stole from me," but it does take the edge off of "it's already too late for me."
and i really, truly don't have the right words to fully encapsulate my gratitude for the entirety of this message, but i hope you know that it made me cry in a very good way, and i really appreciate it. <3
(and no! i already have all of them blocked, so the only way they'd even see it is getting it sent to them by someone else or making another account, and i highly doubt they'll bother, which is TOTALLY fine by me. i'm with you 100% on "authors don't have to tell strangers on the internet their pain to deserve to write fics" and besides, devolving into accusing me of stealing fics and using AI makes it clear that it's gone beyond just who deserves to write what, so it's a moot point anyway. but thank you anyway! it is appreciated!)
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mommypieck · 4 months
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Hello! I've been here for a while and seeing how much you've been through so far makes me sad that you've experienced so much sad shit. I recently came back to your blog since I wasn't on Tumblr for a while(I've been following you for sometime now) and decided to snoop around for a bit to see what I missed, congratulations on 10k followers btw🥺. Also I'm sorry in advance this will probably be long knowing how I can go on for a while.
Some things you've been through I can relate to, my family isn't a step family but it's definitely incredibly dysfunctional and can be shitty. It's almost 4am here so excuse any mistakes I make in writing this, I literally told myself if I didn't send this to you now I'm not gonna be able to later so I'm fighting sleep. Also your friendships I'm sorry you're stuck with people who don't deserve you in just about every aspect ☹️.
You seem like such a genuine sweetheart. I had an experience with a friendship I wanted to end before and I remember being the same as you were, wanting to stay in that friendship but couldn't leave because I was so attached to that person. I thought the end of the world was gonna happen when I left because I was so codependent on them. But I realized that the feelings I had when it came to them shouldn't be taken lightly, the bad feelings, every single one should never be taken lightly. I'm not gonna sit here and make any promises towards you that certain things are gonna be perfect but I can at least say that it's gonna be okay. Not just when but comes to friendships but living apart from your family. I know you've probably heard this shit a million times but you're not gonna be stuck in the same situation forever. If you have decided to leave that friendship I hope you felt the relief I did when I left mine, if you haven't decided to yet, you most likely will feel relieved even if there's always gonna be a longing for the good moments you might have had before, don't let the good distract you from all the bad.
When we all are teenagers or were teenagers, we are constantly told how grown up we have to act that we forget how young we really are. You are 19, you are so incredibly young and you have so much time to become whoever or whatever you want to become. I remember Jane Fonda saying that if you can't do something in your 20s,30s,40s or even 50s, you can still do it in your 60s. I DON'T mean that you won't accomplish all you desire now, because I'm sure you'll definitely get there, but you have a lot of time to get there, to think, to breathe, to exist, to have fun, to have new experiences.
Please remember that you haven't even met all the people who are gonna love you yet. You have so many people who will enter your life later on, as long as you allow them to enter and stay, that can and will love you so much.
If your family is shitty or weird, then you can have your own family, family is not defined to me by blood but by love. So I'm not telling you become pregnant or anything, but your friends can be your family, people you meet along the way can always become family, maybe even family members you'll eventually meet again will rekindle your family relationship.
I'm a bit forgetful (ADHD and trauma not a good combo)so I'm trying to remember what else I was gonna add omg.
You're a sweet girl, you're incredibly talented, if your desire is to become a writer then you're perfect for it already. Honestly I live by, "if Colleen Hoover and Anna Todd can write and publish those damn books, you damn well can too." And I know your books won't suck like theirs do. Full offense to Colleen Hoover fans btw🙃 I expect if you're reading stuff by mommypieck then your taste isn't bad.
Anyway this has been so long and I don't want to overwhelm you, so I'll end it for now, stay safe, and I hope you have a beautiful forever because just wishing you one day isn't enough💖🥺💖.
i am at loss of words.i seriously don't know what to say. thanku so much for this message. it means a world to me really. i am so happy that i have people here who stick with me and actually care what i have to say.i kinda feel bad that you spend so much time, typing all of this. but you seriously gave me hope for better life. thanku so so so so so much. i love u and i appreciate you. thank you again.
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27vampyresinhermind · 6 months
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Okay Dangerous Romance we get it. They’re adorable!!! I’m single!!! I don’t need the reminder!!!
For real though, I don’t trust Kang’s dad in the slightest. I think he gave Saifah that watch outside of the camera views so he can go back to Grandma Ging, adopter of all lost boys, and be like “look Mom, he did steal the watch after all!” And what is she supposed to do? Not trust her own son? Or not trust the newcomer into their home who has a history of being a little manipulative with his previous patients despite there never having been any allegations of theft? What’s a benevolent grandma to do?
And poor Kang. He’s spent his whole life with his dad essentially telling him that he didn’t need to amount to anything because they could just buy their way into anything important. And the second he tries to make something of himself through his own hard work and seemingly succeeds, he gets the rug pulled out from under him and sees that his dad has been pulling the strings behind the scenes.
Like I already thought that his dad was a shit dad but I thought it was still coming from a place of love for his son. Like he didn’t want his kid to stress about stuff so he focused on making it easy for him, not realizing that Kanghan viewed that at him not caring at all. But now, while I still don’t think it’s malicious, it’s still willful ignorance which easily becomes malicious. It’s so obvious that Kanghan cared about his own success, and absolutely thrives on praise for his accomplishments. If his father cared at all, he would have seen that by now.
Kang and Sailom are the cutest little boyfriends ever. Their interactions very much feel like two bros who have very recently realized that they have romantic feelings for each so they’re not totally sure about how to navigate the line between platonic physicality and romantic physicality so they do shit like fist bump after sniff kisses lmao! I adore these two!! Perth still reminds me of Khao with his big brown baby cow eyes which reminds me of that damn OC fic idea I had….damn.
Guy and Nawa are gonna angry kiss and it’s gonna be great.
Was Auto wearing a Bobby Hill shirt during the bathroom scene??? I need to know!
I think I’m mostly caught up on my shows now!
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darkpoisonouslove · 7 months
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4. 5. 8.
For whichever fic has been heaviest in your mind.
That would be Fallen Love.
4. Is there anything in the fic you're unsure about including?
TW for miscarriage
There are several things, actually. Now I already worked in Icy and Stormy's deaths into this (they are both 4 at this point) so I feel like I have to mention Darcy's death as well (that Everyone Dies tag ain't there for shits and giggles). However, I don't want to make her not Griffin and Valtor's daughter... which means that Griffin had a spontaneous abortion after she ran away from the Coven. I mean, it works really well with the rest of the story but... ugh, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I have put this into the story's DNA already so it's definitely going on the page but I am extremely anxious about it.
One of the other things is Griffin's motivation about leaving Valtor. I don't know if this is galaxy-brain plot-twist emotional devastation or absolute nonsense. I'm pretty sure it can work but it's so big that if it doesn't, it will be an epic fail. Also, I have no idea how to bring the story back to some semblance of sanity after this. I'm pretty sure I'll include it but I'll have to think about it more. Btw Valtor is lucky he's immortal because his head is going to explode once he learns about this.
5. Is there any scene you're excited about writing?
The argument in the end of chapter 2. They. Are. Both. So. Petty. It's fucking hilarious. Griffin decides that "Hey, he just killed all my friends as revenge for my betrayal. You know what would be the best course of action? To test his patience." I can't really say much without explaining the whole scene and I don't want to spoil the gut-punches outside the context that makes them so impactful. So let's hope I can get this written soon.
8. Which character is gonna have the biggest storyline?
Surprising no one, that's Griffin. There is so much happening here. She has to accept the deaths of the Company and the tragedy on Domino, has to deal with the irrational jealousy she feels over the people who actually helped Valtor accomplish all his goals, has to process the change in their partnership over his lingering feelings of betrayal, has to work through her anger towards both the Company and Valtor, has to find it in herself and step up to be the leader CT needs and all of that while failing to find the cancel button on the pop-up that flashes the words "KISS HIM" in neon red in the front of her mind. It's... a lot.
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