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#it's not an entirely pleasant experience but I also don't. quite know what to do about it
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remus x shy!reader (part 4)
author: sj
warnings: fluff; angst for remus lol; reader is in hufflepuff; uses she/her pronouns; not edited
done with finals!! now battling the want to only read fics and not write, let me know if you want a confession from rem!!
masterlist
part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 5
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it was the day of the date and remus had been up since 4 am. he couldn't stop thinking about your date. however bad he hoped it would go, he didn't want your first date experience to be horrible. he wanted you to be treated how you deserve and to have a lovely time while also never ever wanting to see the fool again. and that is why he had woken up at 4 in the morning and couldn't stop the fight in his mind.
it was 11:30am and he was laying on the couch in the common room, one foot on the ground tapping constantly. the boys had decided to stay in this morning because james was worried they'd run into you and that sirius would end up embarrassing you and ruin your date.
"moony, if you don't stop tapping your foot, i'm going to lose my mind." sirius grunted, head in his hands covering his ears from the tapping noise.
"she should be done with her date now, right? its been 2 hours. why isn't she back yet?" remus asked.
"relax you love sick dog. your precious wife will be returned soon." sirius replied dramatically, rolling his eyes at how abserd this whole situation was. "if you had only confessed your love for her when you had the chance, she wouldn't be snogging another fella while you fumed the whole time." he added. remus shot upright on the couch with a wide eyed expression and a look of dread covering his features.
"here she comes!" peter shouted, holding the marauder's map in his hands, walking into the common room where the other boys were. all of their heads turned towards the portrait hole where it swung open and you stepped through.
you were excited to tell the boys all about it, but you weren't quite expecting them to all be staring at you when you got back.
"well, hi." you said, cheeks flushing more than they already were, glancing towards the floor to not meet their eyes. you sat down on the couch next to remus like normal, not sensing the tension in his body, only feeling their eyes on you.
"WELL??? i need all the details. spill your guts flea!" sirius cried across from you.
"it was okay! it wasn't bad! but it also wasn't great. like it was pleasant but it wasn't anything to write home about. is that good? like are you supposed to know if you want to marry him already?" you rambled, entire face flushing and not meeting their eyes.
"aw, hoppers. i'm sorry it didn't go well." james consoled you.
"what do you mean?" you asked, confused why he sounded sad for you.
"well, it didn't sound like there was any chemistry, that's important if you're gonna date someone." james explained.
"flea, i know it's your first date ever, but even i thought you'd know that." sirius shrugged. at the mention of it being your first date, you tensed and shot a look a remus, hurt that he spilled a secret to the boys. remus met your gaze with a look of panic.
"that wasn't me! i swear it! i didn't tell them!" he yelled.
"oh he didn't tell us, but the way you were acting before was kind of obvious and the fact that remus would've known that you were dating someone before you were part of our group and you certainly haven't since we've been friends because of remus' behavior." sirius explained, you relaxed and reached to touch remus' leg.
"sorry for thinking that you told them when you didn't ." you apologized and remus nodded back.
"its fine bun, i'm not hurt." he said, covering your hand with his.
"so hoppers, did you snog him?" sirius asked crudely. your cheeks flushed bright red.
"that is none of your business sirius! and a lady never kisses and tells!" you exclaim, avoiding all their eyes. "i told him that it would be best if we were friends, and he agreed. i don't think dating is for me, i just got so anxious before! and the thought of having to go on another date, just makes me nauseous." you say, leaning onto remus' shoulder and resting your head.
"thats okay, bun. you don't have to date if you don't want to." remus patted your thigh, his heart soaring that he won't have to go through this again. he knew he'd have to tell you that he liked you soon, the thought of you with someone else almost killed him.
"thanks rem." you mumbled back, sinking deeper into his side.
sirius observes this going on, looking to james and mouthing, 'are they fucking idiots??'
james simply rolled his eyes in response.
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shelternmberone · 10 months
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How does Ghost-wood feel about stampede Vash?
How does he feel about his alternate self?
Who in the stampede is the first to notice that something is Not Quite Right with him? I feel like Nick has an edge because that /is/ his alternate self , but Vash is kind of an expert in Not Being Human so he might be more attuned to that kind of thing
I do think it would be funny if Roberto was first though
Sorry this AU has just got me really excited
No, it's like insanely good questions tho, thank you very much. I have thought on them quite a bit, and here is what I got for now. A bit of a chonk, but I'll put it under readmore.
First thing, i imagine that to understand what Ghostwood is will require a sort of cosmic horror experience. Since this au is meta™, he's not just a ghost, but a character from another story. It can be understood as alternative reality, but still it requires a transcendental experience from a person that might not be pleasant or beneficial.
Vash will be the one who will deeply understand what Ghostwood is. Like you said, he's just most attuned to supernatural, and Stampede lore also is much more concrete in what is an independent's Gate. So he will get it. He will ask him about it. He won't like the answers. I always imagine Vash asking him, how did it end? And Ghostwood pulls out his bloodied cigarette pack and matches and saying ":) I don't know."
Ghostwood does Not like being near Vash. Not in a hostility sense, it just hurts him deeply. He will evade talking to him, yet will constantly watch him. He's obsessed with finding differences between "his Vash" And "this Vash", he thinks it will help him stay sane. Good think Stampede Vash is very delicate with people and he gives Ghostwood much needed space.
Next up is Roberto, who is old enough to acquire very sane understanding that there are all kinds of beasts in the desert. Ghostwood's face was always a blur to him, and later on he can see the black smoke and sludge coming off of it. He is vary of him, but compassionate, because it's painfully obvious how lonely he is. I think Roberto will be first to actually confront the ghostly situation btw lol.
Ghostwood spends most of his time in Roberto's company, because he's the only person who doesn't make him cringe at the way he treated his friends when he was alive. He is very alarmed when he sees his derringer, but tries to shrug it off - thinks that only he is doomed to die. Little does he know. . . .
Meryl is going to be Perceiving Ghostwood on an entirely different level. She doesn't see the ghostly stuff about him at all, and instead she just. Sees a really sad and lonely guy who is constantly on the breaking point, and she is trying her best to soothe him. In a way, she is the only one to actually see him as he is.
Ghostwood tries to stay away, but you know. Meryl is so nosy. And very cute, he really can't say no to her. He always participates in her and Wolfwood's piss contests on her side. He never got close with Meryl back when he was alive, and he regrets the way he parted with her and Milly a lot, and isn't even sure they were alive at the time of his death. So he tries to sort of make up for it.
Wolfwood is in denial. Ghostwood tells him outright who he is during their first meeting, and it does nothing. He tries to just ignore the shadows in the corner of his eye and in general is quite hostile towards him. Their relationship is reminiscent of that of a very hostile siblings. Recognition of self through the other (derogatory).
Ghostwood tries his best to somehow steer Wolfwood away from making same mistakes he did, but quickly it is apparent to him that it is not going to work. He sometimes regrets changing his mind on just killing his alternate self preventively, but as times goes by, he grows attached to Wolfwood due to his strong parental streak and also the fact that Wolfwood (and Ghostwood as well) are just inherently lovable person.
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scientia-rex · 8 months
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Some Thoughts on Antipsychotic Medications
Ok, enough of you seemed interested in this when I asked in my antidepressant post (don't ask me for a link, search my goddamn tumblr for it, oh my GOD people were so lazy about my post on bariatric surgery). Once again, this is NOT medical advice, medical advice must be TAILORED TO THE INDIVIDUAL, that's the whole POINT of a professional field, literally every answer is "it depends" and without being your doctor, which I better not be because if you're my patient reading this I need to nuke my entire social media presence, I can't give you good advice and I wouldn't anyway because I already work 115% time and I'm very tired and you don't pay me.
There's a lot of crossover between "antipsychotic" and "mood stabilizer." I don't have as much experience with antipsychotics as I do with antidepressants, but more than your average bear. So you may see a med here and go "wait, what?" because of that overlap.
It's also worth discussing what psychosis is. There are a lot of media representations, and they are generally very stupid and bad. About 3% of the population will have a psychotic episode in their lifetime, so keep that in mind when you're talking about psychosis. There's about a 1 in 30 chance that the person you're talking to will actually have had psychosis, and a much higher chance that someone they know or love will. So don't be a dick about it. Psychosis involves losing the ability to distinguish what is reality and what is not. It seems to involve overactivity of dopaminergic transmission in specific brain pathways. It tends to be very frightening for its sufferers, although not always. Psychotic symptoms can range from a persistent delusion--I have one patient who is quite simply certain that they have worms in their lungs, despite all the tests indicating that they don't--to hallucinations of voices, to visual hallucinations, and any combination of those. Delusions and hallucinations are often negatively valenced, which means that they make the sufferer feel bad in some way, whether it's an auditory hallucination of someone telling you you're the devil, or a delusion that you're being persecuted by conspiracies for unclear reasons, or hallucinations of shadowy figures out of the corner of your eye. Delusions, when I see them in my patient, often reflect a patient's deepest fear. I had one patient who was a caregiver and they were fixated on the idea that there was a conspiracy of people watching them and setting up "tests" to make sure they weren't hurting patients or doing drugs.
It's also worth mentioning meth. Meth is one of the major causes I see of psychotic symptoms (especially since I'm in a rural area), and you need to understand that the longer and the more you do meth, the higher the likelihood of persistent psychotic symptoms. When I was a med student on an inpatient high-acuity psych ward, I had a very pleasant gentleman who'd been doing meth for years. It's tough to get a clear history, but my impression was that he probably hadn't developed psychotic symptoms until multiple years into daily use of meth--but now, despite being on the ward for over a week, there was no sign of the psychosis going away. He believed he could say things to passing cars and the sound would travel with the car, and someone miles away would hear it. He also believed there were indistinct white figures who hovered around his campsite. (He was homeless.) Meth can break your brain. Don't do meth.
The original antipsychotics are old school. We're talking the 1930s. Promethazine was developed in the process of trying to come up with antihistamines. First-generation antipsychotics are dopamine antagonists, and that means that they're blocking a large proportion of dopaminergic transmission both in the brain pathways related to psychotic symptoms, but also in the pathways related to reward, which sucks. When you think of "antipsychotics," this is most likely what you're thinking of unless you have personal experience with antipsychotics. First-generation antipsychotics include haloperidol (Haldol), chlorpromazine (Thorazine), and a handful of others, but it's a smaller class than the second generation.
Second-generation antipsychotics were a game changer. These are serotonin-dopamine antagonists. They include risperidone (Risperdal), paliperidone (Invega-Sustenna), quetiapine (Seroquel), aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), lurasidone (Latuda), ziprasidone (Geodon), and also clozapine, AKA the antipsychotic everyone hates prescribing because it can cause your white blood cells to suddenly go bye-bye and boom, you're at huge risk for infection. The only patient I've ever seen develop clear, unambiguous serotonin syndrome was on clozapine. I don't prescribe it as an outpatient family doctor; it's a medication of last resort, and more often seen in inpatient settings due to the need for frequent blood tests to monitor.
Because the brain is a great recycler, we also use dopamine in the control of our movements. This means that one of the more serious side effects of antipsychotics is a problem with movement. This is typically going to be something called "tardive dyskinesia," which means "slow messed up movement," but in Greek because we're fancy. TD is dreaded because we can't always reverse it. A medication called benztropine can help, but the better option, if at all possible, is to get someone off the medication that called the TD in the first place.
If you're keeping track, you're noticing that dopamine does a lot in the brain: the reward pathway, psychotic symptoms, movement. Your body also uses it for stuff outside the brain, like affecting gut motility and blood vessel dilation. It is really hard to come up with medications that only affect one thing, because the body will use the same messaging systems over and over. This is a big part of why there's some much cross-talk between medications that are ostensibly for one thing but used for many other things.
First-generation antipsychotics can be particularly bad about making people feel flat and incapable of feeling joy. The technical term for "incapable of feeling joy" is "anhedonia," Greek again, this time for "no happiness." This is incredibly punishing and people will often go off their meds in order to feel something. I don't want to hear any bullshit blaming people who do this. You probably would too, and learning not to throw rocks from a glass house is critical to being a decent fucking human being. However, it does mean that I have much more success keeping patients on second-generation antipsychotics. There is both a lower risk of anhedonia and a lower risk of TD, so in general, unless someone doesn't respond to second-generation antipsychotics, they won't be started on a first-generation. I have absolutely used first-gen antipsychotics for patients but they're more typical in the inpatient setting, where it's okay--and sometimes a good thing--if someone is sedated. One memorable example was in an emergency department where a woman was violent and had to be restrained with both physical restraints and a spit hood. We can't just go around sedating people these days--that's a whole-ass thing, because for a long time "treatment" in inpatient facilities was too often taken to be "sedation"--but boy howdy, she needed some Haldol.
I also work part time at the county jail, and while I again try hard not to use first-generation psychotics in patients who didn't come in on them, there are patients who actively request Haldol because they hate how being totally wound up and psychotic feels. I write for them to have as-needed oral doses. This means if they ask the jail nurse for it, they can get it, and it helps immensely.
The leading cause of death for patients with mental illness is heart disease. Antipsychotics tend to cause weight gain, and that is not only psychologically distressing to my patients because we live in a fatphobic world, it's probably related to worsened insulin function. Unfortunately, just putting everyone on an antipsychotic on preventative metformin (a medication that improves insulin sensitivity) also didn't work when we tried it, so we don't do that. But it's scary. I'm actually really hopeful that this new GLP-1 agonist med class that's in constant shortages because it causes weight loss (Ozempic, Wegovy, etc.) will be an option to help improve long-term health for psychotic patients. Some antipsychotics are worse than others for weight gain, but there are few genuine head to head comparisons of effectiveness, so I can't say "X works better than Y," we just have to pick one based on a) my familiarity with it and b) whether it seems like a good idea. I also feel it is better to be fat than dead, so if someone needs one of the more fat-inducing antipsychotics to live their life and/or have a decent quality of life, I'll prescribe it and I fucking dare you to talk shit, I will eat you.
My clinical experience has been that Seroquel and Abilify are the best-tolerated antipsychotics. I don't know why. Someone else might, but those are the ones I usually reach for unless someone is having really severe symptoms, in which case I think risperidone works faster. Data are, again, generally pretty weak.
But mostly I want you to remember that psychosis is not a funny punchline, "psychotic" is a shitty fucking insult to use, and someone you know and love probably has psychosis. Some people have a single break and it never happens again, some people can control it with medication, some people need to be institutionalized. It's a life-changing illness and people with severe psychosis, yes, even the weird ones who scare you, are still human beings whose lives have exactly the same inherent value as yours, and who deserve the exact same inalienable human rights as you do. Any other approach is garbage. Human rights are not negotiable.
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literaticat · 3 months
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Hello. I know an older person (a relative) who is a very good illustrator (as a hobby). They do have an email address but don't have a website (yet anyway). I'm encouraging them to draw maybe half a dozen or a dozen illustrations so I could submit them to some publishers on their behalf (those who are looking for or open to illustration submissions). Some of these sites mention having a website, others don't. Would the person have to be a professional illustrator or would this be okay? And would it be better for me to see if I can teach them to draw on an iPad or could I just scan on their handdrawn illustrations and email them for them? They're open to the idea but don't think they're good enough. I think they have a lot of natural raw talent, just wondering would publishers be open to illustrations from an older person who is very green to this and has no experience. What do you think? And could you give me/them any other advice? Thank you so much. Happy New Year!
I'd strongly suggest you not do this. I know you have the very best of intentions, and it's lovely that you're such a cheerleader for your relative. I'm sure they are very talented. BUT. Start by finding out what their goals really are. There are plenty of other ways for them to get their work out there. Maybe there are local art classes, where they can explore different mediums and just have fun and meet other artists and potential mentors. Art contests, or local magazines or journals that might publish work from local artists. If they really want to start a little cottage artwork business from home maybe they can create beautiful cards or prints that can be stocked at a local shop or something like that, and you can help them print them out and be their 'sales rep' if you like. Investigate these types of outlets for your relative's creativity, there's no need for their fun and pleasant hobby to become a difficult, demanding career, unless that is something they are TRULY passionate about.
(Not everything needs to be monetized. Normalize just doing things because you like them!)
Because yeah - - you can't really "dabble" in professional book illustration. Either you are a professional illustrator, which means publishers might hire you -- or you aren't, which means they definitely will not. Now, you can be a NEW professional illustrator, that's a thing, people aren't born as professionals -- so, again, if that's really something that your relative WANTS TO DO, truly wants it, OK -- but they are gonna have to do the legwork. You can't be submitting work on their behalf or holding their hand the whole time. Age is not a factor, but professional illustrator is a real job, not a fun-time hobby, and they do have to be willing and able to do the work themselves.
So if becoming a professional children's book illustrator is truly of interest to them, I'd suggest they start by:
-- Taking some picture book illustration classes, whether online or in-person -- specifically those, not just general "art" or whatever. The rules and goals of book illustration are just different from other kinds of art! This is not, strictly speaking, necessary, some artists are indeed entirely self-taught -- but it would probably be QUITE helpful to make them feel more confident (or alternatively, help them realize that this is not where their talent wants to take them!). COST VARIES.
-- They should also read a lot (A LOT) of modern children's books to see what the level of work is that they'd need to be doing, and different ways to tell a story through art. Because it's not just about having pretty images -- that's great, but they have to be able to *tell a story* through the pictures, also, otherwise they have just created random images, not a book. Start with the books that have been Caldecott medalist and honor winners for the past 5 years, they should all be available at your local library. FREE FROM LIBRARY.
-- I'd strongly recommend getting and studying a used or library copy of WRITING WITH PICTURES by Uri Shulevitz. While there is one section that is quite dated (because PB illus are typically delivered digitally now, and this book is from before the digital days) -- the majority of the book, about the actual craft of telling a story through pictures, is super-informative and brilliant. FREE FROM LIBRARY OR UNDER $10. USD
-- Consider joining the SCBWI; it does cost money to be a full member, but if they are serious, it may be worth it -- there are loads of resources online and in person, conferences, local meetups, workshops, etc, where they can connect with other creators and professionals to research and learn the ropes of children's book publishing; there's also a forum where they can ask questions, etc. $99. USD
-- Alternatively (or in addition), there are also kids-book oriented Facebook groups for this kind of thing that have seasoned pros answering newbie questions -- KIDLIT411 would be a smart one to join, if your relative is on Facebook. (Kidlit411 also has a website with resources!) FREE.
Once they have done all these things, they will need a professional-looking digital portfolio -- these can be physical works that are scanned in, or works created digitally (or a combo -- physical works that the artist tweaks layers in photoshop, etc). There are other posts here about what should be included in such a portfolio, look in the FAQ. This way they aren't just sending publishers random images all loosey-goosey, they'll be presenting themselves as somebody that might actually get hired. But I really wouldn't bother with this part until/unless they've done most or all of the previous suggestions.
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crazydadd0 · 5 months
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im not entirely sure if you take requests, if you do may i please get a kumadori nsfw alphabet with an afab s/o who's like.. 5'8? thanks and have a great day even if you don't write this-
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Kumadori x AFAB (Reader)
Yes of course I accept requests!
And I will be happy to write about our beloved Kumadori samurai.
If something is not consistent/doesn't fit, etc., I apologize at the outset
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!!!Warnings!!!
── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . : ── ── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.──
A = Care after intercourse (What they are like after sex)
Looking at Kumadori's serious demeanor and adherence to the bushido code of honor, he would take post-sex care very seriously. He would try to please his partner as much as possible after the sinful act, including sharing a bath, a meal, lots of cuddling, eating and resting in bed. He would draw his partner close to him, drawing patterns on his back with his finger in silence.
B = Body part (Their favorite part of their and their partner's body)
He would love his partner's entire body, from his fingertips to his hair. But as if he had to choose already, I would choose the hands. They are tiny in his and that makes his heart squeeze, he thinks they are very cute and delicate.Besides, he loves to hold his partner's hands during intercourse. (In a small hand everything seems bigger. He He such a joke).
In himself he would like hair and shoulders. The hair? Because they are long and shiny, he is very proud of them. As I remember he can manage them and he would like to wrap them around his partner, he would not let his partner move too much. His shoulders are quite wider and he often got compliments from his partner about them. thanks to this he started to like them, I mean he liked them but they were not his favorite.
C = Sperm (basically anything to do with sperm)
His sperm is thick and there is a lot of it (By growth mainly) It tastes a little salty and it is a reasonably pleasant taste. He tries his best not to eat too much cheese and not to have a very salty taste. She prefers to come in her partner to leave the order, but there are also times that she can't come in her partner. She then prefers to come in a condom or in her partner's mouth. I don't want to waste my sperm. There are times where he had to reach his partner's back, etc. And he felt a little bad because he got his love dirty, of course, then he washed his partner thoroughly.
D = Dirty secret (Pretty obvious, their dirty secret)
If his partner is already post-gender reassignment, he has a quiet dirty secret to get him going. He's not quite sure why, because he likes to dominate his partner. But deep down he has this little fantasy, he won't tell his partner…. For now.
However, if the partner has not yet had surgery then he has the same fantasy, but with a Belt with an artificial silicone penis.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they are doing?)
I don't think he is the most experienced. As a CP9 agent and then a CP0 agent, he didn't have much time for such pastimes. His work was very important to him, and he didn't want to fail through human pleasures. Of course, he had a few sexual encounters but they could be counted on the fingers of both hands. Only with his regular partner would he be more open to the sinful act. He is not very experienced but learns quickly from his partner's reactions. He watches his partner a lot, memorizes, learns and makes intercourse with him unearthly.
F = Favorite position (This goes without saying)
Standard missionary. He enjoys watching his partner and, as I said earlier, holding his little hands in his own. This is what he lives for. He is not averse to other positions but this is his such a favorite, he has easy access to his partner's mouth, their hands, his sensitive neck. It's simply something that jars him.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious at any given time? Are they witty? etc.)
No. Kumadori is a serious samurai. He can be romantic and touchy, but he won't be funny. To him this is an important act and such jokes are not for such moments.
H = Hair (How neat is it? Does the carpet match the curtains? etc.)
He tries to be trimmed at the bottom, for his own comfort but also for his partner when he satisfies him with his mouth. His curtain is nicely trimmed and so is his hair, which is pink in color, though I might add that it is quite stiff.
I = Intimacy (what are they like at the moment? romantic aspect)
Romantic and serious. He tries to please his partner as much as possible, he wants to lift the sky for him. Therefore, he will try 200%. This is a very intimate moment for him and he wants to share it in the bedroom, without prying eyes. And, of course, in a romantic mood.
J = Wanking a horse (headcanon masturbation)
He does it, but not that often. Usually when he's on a mission and there's no partner next to him, or when his partner is busy and Kumadori doesn't want to disturb him. He usually does it just to come, it doesn't give him too much pleasure, but it will help get rid of the visible bulge.
K = Kink (one or more of their refractions)
Size breakdown. He loves the fact that he has a smaller partner. (He would have had a smaller partner anyway, after all, he himself is 338 cm.) The fact that he can easily nail him to the wall, take him easily, carry him around like a child. Domination is easy in this too, and he likes it.
Domination. He lives to dominate his partner. it gives him a sense of power and the fact that he is in charge. He is more of a romantic Dom but further, he is in charge.
Tying his partner, with a red rope or his hair. Extra power over the partner, and the fact that the partner looks so beautiful tied up. Like a gift, His little gift.
L = Location (favorite places to have sex)
Shared bedroom. Or a hotel room, where they can be alone. I don't want anyone to see his partner naked. It's a view only for him, Well and in peace he can do what he likes, he also doesn't want to interrupt intercourse because someone walks in on them. He just doesn't.
M = Motivation (what excites them, what turns them on)
All the sounds a partner makes, gentle touch. E.g. the partner sliding his hands over his shoulders, catching his hands, poking his hips. Sounds drive him more, little sighs, gasps, moans, moaning his name is what drives him the most. Wherever he is and his partner whispers his name like that, he'll be ready. But he won't do it here, only in the bedroom behind a closed door.
N = No (something they wouldn't do, turns off)
Hurting the partner, he wouldn't survive it. Of course, he ties him but doesn't injure him, plus he ties these ropes gently so as not to leave a mark on his partner's body. He would not survive seeing tears of pain in his partner's eyes.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc.)
Prefers to receive, knows how to satisfy partner with mouth but prefers to get. Maybe it's from seeing his partner choke on his massive cock, glazed eyes. No one knows. Simply put, he could die while his partner satisfies him.
P = Tempo (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
It depends on the situation, he can go fast and hard when he is angry or jealous. Romantic and sensitive when he was or his partner was on the verge of death, he then wants to show affection to his partner. Usually, however, he goes somewhere in between, not too fast not too slow, strong thrusts, but he can also make his partner scream with pleasure.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
He doesn't mind, but he's not a fan. He prefers longer sessions than some measly 15 minutes. Kumadori wants to build excitement, mood, vibe with his partner. And not a few minutes and goodbye, sometimes he has to have such intercourse though, because he often has missions and has to complete them.
R = Risk (do they like to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Kumadori doesn't like risks. These are issues between you and him. He doesn't want you guys to get covered at a time like this. He may have been tempted once or twice by his partner's pleas for semi-public sex, but it was not something he would repeat of his own accord.
S = Endurance (how many rounds can they go? how long do they last?)
Two three rounds with short breaks, he has a lot of stamina through his work as a CP0 agent. But he doesn't abuse it, not wanting to exhaust his partner with his strength, size and time. He is usually tempted to do two rounds, but there must be a break between them for about 10 minutes, he wants his partner to rest and have a moment to gain strength.
T = Toys (do they have toys? do they use them? on their partner or themselves?)
He is old-fashioned and does not have toys, his partner may have some but deep down he is jealous of them. Come later, he reminds himself that he doesn't have them often and doesn't resent his partner for having them.
The only thing he has is red ropes to tie his partner down.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Only when he is angry or jealous, then he becomes a brat. He teases his partner until he gets tired of it, but still tries not to hurt his partner too much with his actions. He doesn't let him come until his partner begs and screams asking for an orgasm. Then she either lets him come or moves away, but she only does so when she is jealous. (A good blowjob will make him feel better.)
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Quiet moans and whimpers. He prefers to be quiet to hear his partner well. Such moans are music to his ears. He is more vocal when his partner is giving him a blowjob, this is such an exception, at other times he tries to keep quiet.
W = Wild card (random headcanon for the character)
Combing his hair, the roots of his hair and his head are a sensitive spot on his entire body. Just gently combing them can set him off. Also the nape of his neck, while it doesn't excite him as much as his head, it still turns him on. But something else needs to be added, because kissing the neck is a little too much.
X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)
Big but Skinny. Kumadori himself is very tall (318 cm testosterone). So I can think that maybe about 60 cm in length (This is just my assumption) Long but not too thick, curved upwards, with a furiously red tip.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Medium, he craves sex like a normal person, but doesn't think about it all the time. Four times a week is enough for him, if it's more of course he won't whine.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Only after he has cleaned up his partner will he make him comfortable. She will snuggle up to him and keep watch until her partner falls asleep. She will wait some more, whisper in her partner's ear that she loves him and only then go to sleep.
── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . : ── ── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.──
I hope you enjoyed it (: Again, I apologize for the mistakes.
Box Opened <3
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askganon · 5 hours
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Great King, What do you enjoy to eat? I'm not asking a simple icebreaker question I should be clear. In my opinion, one of if not THE greatest pleasures in life, more than physical desires, is easily food. You've lived through literally countless eras, not years or decades but ERAS, and you've traveled just as much as you've lived, the amount of history and experience you have in anything is sure to be boundless and priceless let alone on something as culturally and physically important as not just food for survival, but food for pleasure. A good meal can not only provide sustenance, nutrients to strengthen and nurture the body but a good meal can also fix, or break, any spirit or moral. A dish can also tell the entire history of a person, nation or even an entire people. You're a very large man and not to mention a very, very active warrior so I can imagine that you've had to learn of ways to not only replenish your strength while also enjoying a meal fit for the greatest of kings. You've talked at length many a time on Gerudo cuisine, and don't get me wrong I'd always love to hear more, but I also know you're a wise and cultured man with a broad mind who's explored palettes as much the lands and time itself. I want to hear about your more adventurous expeditions in the culinary frontiers. I wish to know what tastes you find pleasant, what you find repulsive, what you initially thought lesser of but was pleasantly surprised by, do you prefer the sweeter tastes? The soft, sweet taste of a smooth honey or a rough sugary explosion? What things had greater value, were they good for the body or the soul? The mind or the heart? Do you lean towards more savory, rich dishes or more hearty meals? There are a million different ways one can prepare an apple all with drastically different and hardly resembling one another. Those arent exactly what I mean to ask but are just examples, I seek something far more abstract. I seek any and all knowledge you're willing to give about food and am especially interested in your experiences further away from the comfort of the familiar.
Eating is necessary for survival. This was the way when I was a youth. It was only when I was filly grown and had already infiltrated the realm and castle of Hyrule did I learn kg eating for pleasure.
While I have already had meals that pleased me greatly within the desert, the idea of living to eat rather than eating to live was foreign to me completely.
However, it is as you say. Over the millenia, I have sampled many varieties of dishes and many more flavors.
I can honestly say, as I have before, that Goron cuisine is not fit for those who cannot digest rock. They also require incredibly high heat to cook their... Minerals, so even tasting such dishes can be hazardous to one's health.
Hylian delicacies are, as I have said, quite bland. They have plenty in butters and salts and herbs, but lack in spice and spirit. For this, I find their dishes dull.
Zoran cuisine tool longest to understand, and delight in the mixing of salted and spur, bur they have masters the blend, and have made sea-born food palatable to thise of the desert.
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skinwalkerbratz · 9 days
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Just read the dr post and holy shit- I thought ej would be like. One of the less filthy ones💀 Did you ever meet Ben, or X-virus? I know you said they’re not social whatsoever(which makes sense), But like. I’m curious- Did you have to do any of the ‘Work?’ Or like,,, Did you have a ‘job’ there, or jus kinda vibed? Also wdym sally was scary- Ok well that’s vague of me,, I mean like. I figured she’d just look like a normal, if not shell shocked, 8 year old covered in blood-
OH ALSO did you ever see kagekao? What were some of the scarier looking creeps?
-💀 (sorry for talking so much, I’m a big fan of creepypasta so I’m very interested ^^; )
I HAD WRITTEN A TEXT HERE AND LOST IT WHEN I CLOSED THE APP AAAAAA
Talking about my experiences shifting to creepypasta reality again:
I also thought that the EJ was clean before shifting. I had simply told the universe to send me the most realistic version of them possible, both psychologically and physically. And come to think of it, a being with animalistic instincts, who is "undead" and possessed by a DEMON, it became more obvious that he would not be clean. Besides, he seemed to have a deplorable mental state, I don't know if he had low self-esteem like people do in headcannons, but he seemed to have little energy for everything, almost like a like a depressed person.
About Ben and xvirus, I only saw them a few times, I didn't have much interest in them, but I can say that Ben was another virus that only manifested itself in electronic objects, only without a physical or ethereal body, like an Alexa. The x virus was a weird guy, like the ones that make you uncomfortable just by their presence. He looked like any ordinary white guy, not ugly or handsome, but he had a horrible vibe.
My "work" there was like everyone else's, but I decided to put it in the script that I would "blackout" until I finished doing it. Since it involved not so cool things and I didn't want to have memories of that and come back here with some trauma even though it was "me" doing it (which would probably make it much worse). The mansion and living with those monsters were enough.
As I said, Sally gave me the most chills, but that wasn't just because of her appearance,which was quite sinister since it could often appear malformed and sometimes missing parts, such as legs, parts of the skin or face. She disturbed me because I remembered her story and what she went through, and as I'm a person who thinks too much, I kept wondering if she got the justice she deserved. if her uncle suffered any punishment, how the family reacted when they found out what happened to her, or if they managed to find her. And her story is very sad for me and gives me a lot of triggers, and seeing her in person was something that made me even more disturbed by her. Oh, and sometimes she would follow people around the mansion, or wants to play with you if she likes you, which can't be very nice if you are not used to her and given the circumstances regarding her appearance. And if you see something being dragged or hear footsteps behind you and children's laughter at night, it could just be her.
Regarding kagekao, no, I didn't see him there. I also had no interest in meeting him since he is friends with certain people that the entire fandom hates... I wouldn't be able to bear meeting this certain person, and also whoever he's friends with, but maybe I can see him next time, just put it in the script.
Even though my experience was less than pleasant most of the time, I gave up after a week there, I was able to shift more easily, now I have the symptoms of hearing voices, feeling touches and my body floating when I shift, which is a little scary but it means I've improved a lot. Apart from the ease to do it now, so it was worth it in that aspect.
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liliallowed · 20 days
Text
crimson: u better not be stealing my nemesis. (referring to dust)
fell: do you feel that insecure that you'd think he'd prefer a version of himself over you?
crimson: yes absolutely he fucking hates me :3
fell: ... no shit Sherlock. maybe stop being a toxic bitch?
crimson: but then I'd show weakness! I mist be evil for respect and like... I want him to vent things out on me. be there for him! yk?
fell: you're doing more harm than good. trust me I used to put up a tough love act too till that lil freak decided to fix everyone.
crimson: oh What would YOU know you edgy excuse of a sans!? no one is DEAD in your au!
fell: yeah but like considering the fucked up shit you anomalies do with the words code... being a science experiment under your influence ain't pleasant is it? I mean believe me I'd have you over that prissy lil runt of a pacifist perfectionist asshole everyday. *chuckle* but it's really not much different. pacifist... genocide... same day same old dumb story you both are too obsessed to let go.
teal: HEY! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I BROKE THE RESET FOR YOU DUDE.
dust: that's a bold move considering he might kill you either way.
fell: are you kidding me dude this runt finally decided to QUIT and killing em will just reset.
crimson: okay but like HOW DOES ONE STOP BEING EVIL. HOW DO I FO THIS WITHOUT cringing about the cheesy bullshit... look I came here to get beaten and punched in my emotions.
dust: =] what are you our marriage councilor?
fell: pfffft I wish. masochist much crimson?
crimson: adrenaline junky not a masochist.
dust: more like a sadist.
crimson: DUDE. I LITERALLY WOULD CRY IF YOU DIE FOR GOOD. I DON'T LIKE HURTING YOU! BUT I DON'T WANT TO JUST undo everything and make you happy because it's a deservice to the sacrifice you've made! I fell in love with the person who tries so hard to prove me wrong I WANT to be judged... IF I REPENT THEN WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!?
fell::...
dust: ...
teal: ...
crimson: actually scratch the part I said I fell in love.
fell: holy FUCK this botch is a fucking yandere. I thought you were joking.
teal: I mean I KINDA get it??? but that's messed up man. you seek therapy. you deserve happiness.
dust: yea I was starting to think the codependency thing was just Stockholm Syndrome. cuz they've sorta just latched onto me like a leech.
crimson: IM NOT A FUCKING YANDERE!
teal: your gallery is full of-
crimson: teal I will fucking dox you. don't pretend you don't have an entire sketchbook filled with fells ec-
teal: AAAAAAAAAAAA SHUT UP!
dust: why are we alive. why.
fell: huh. a stalker too.
crimson: shut up fell half of the fucking fanfics I've read about you have you as a creepy stalker yandere.
teal: wait you read Underfell fanfics?
crimson: you'd be surprised of how little fics there are of dust without bringing in other aus actually. I'd PREFER reading about dust but the other angsty mfers all also drop into the au.
teal: ooooo do you have any recommendations?
dust: *peaces out and vanished*
fell: DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME HERE YA ASSHOLE!
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robinsnest2111 · 1 year
Text
Hey everyone.
I have thought about this situation for 4 months at this point, have listened to lots of opinions, talked to lots of people (in and out of fandom spaces), and have finally come to some kind of conclusion for myself.
It's gonna be a long one and I don't want to clog up anyone's dash, so
To reiterate: I do understand where the concerned messages were coming from. The last thing I want to do is cause anyone harm. I also understand the subject matter is quite touchy, polarising and controversial (being German and having been educated about the horrendous ideology and crimes of Hitler and the Nazis since I was old enough to understand).
I've been part of the Hogan's Heroes fandom for almost 5 years ever since I watched two episodes on German afternoon TV, have reblogged dozens of posts and shared my own fan creations without anyone finding any fault with it, up until I reblogged a particular piece of fan art in January and received the first couple asks. This, among other things, has caused me great confusion and has made me question my entire thought process, mental framework, moral compass, and existence as a human being on this earth.
I've been in a therapy program for other reasons since mid-March and have discovered that the, as I had previously believed, unrelated reasons play into the current situation A LOT.
[boring mental health ramble ahead]
I have discovered I am still very much a serious people pleaser, do not have proper boundaries, do not value myself as highly as I do everyone around me, have no clear sense of self, am extremely afraid of hurting people without meaning to, being a nuisance and causing displeasure of any kind or giving any reason for confrontation.
Which is why I am also afraid of making mistakes (real or perceived) due to past (and current) experiences. Harmful mistakes, simple inconsequential oopsies, small disagreements and differences in opinion seem to all be on the same level of severity in my brain when pointed out to me. I was punished and reprimanded for all of them the exact same way for all of my childhood and adolescence.
It's high time I learn the difference and no longer take every single thing to heart and punish myself as severely as my parents did, stop frantically erasing every instance of my "wrongdoings" to appease everyone and prevent potential future harm, and not isolate myself from the rest of the world in a twisted attempt at protecting people I care a lot about from the useless horrible unlovable harmful monster that I feel I am in these situations. I cannot punish myself into making less mistakes or being better.
I also need to work on exploring and setting reasonable boundaries to take proper care of myself and my mind. I now know being a people pleaser and diminishing myself, always conforming to what others expect of me, always aiming for being perfectly fault/mistake-free 100% of the time, always taking the path of the least resistance, hiding behind a pleasant mask, constantly bowing to everyone else's will, have served me well in the past. These coping strategies protected me when I was weak and confused and hurting and defenseless. I'm an adult now. But I still tend to fall back into these familiar patterns in times of stress and moments of confrontation. I need to do better. For myself and others. Even if that means not being nice and bland and palatable for every single person on this planet.
[boring mental health ramble end]
Which is why I want to set an important boundary to improve my online experience.
In my opinion: FICTION =/= REALITY
Finding joy in a silly American 1960s comedy show (with an even more tame and hilarious German dub) set in a POW camp in 40s Germany and featuring fictional nazi characters, most of which are portrayed as not agreeing with the system they're serving under, even aiding the efforts of Hogan and his team of allied spies sabotaging the German war effort, but playing along to stay under the radar, are always the butt of the joke and end up as losers at the end of each episode
IS NOT THE SAME AS
glorifying, celebrating or supporting real life (neo)nazis and their awful goals and deeds.
I fully understand seeing such characters without any context is jarring and uncomfortable and, in some cases, triggering.
This is why I want to point out I have a decent tagging system in place. Before panic-deleting, I've used both "hogan's heroes" and "ein käfig voller helden" on relevant posts. I'm sure both can easily be muted on desktop and on mobile.
I am also offering to add extra tags for people who'd like to keep following me but do not want to see anything relating to this fandom (in case I feel comfortable to rejoin/participate again at some point) or fictional nazis on their dash. Send me an ask with what term(s) you'd like me to use and I will make it happen, no questions asked.
If that is not enough, I will have to kindly point out the Unfollow and Block buttons.
I want everyone's online experience to be as enjoyable and pleasant as possible but I finally need to extend that same courtesy to myself.
To be perfectly honest, there's still the petrifying fear that voicing my thoughts and decisions will make me lose people I care about but this has to be done, for my mental wellbeing. Because that's what's most important at the end of the day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
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wanderingwriter87 · 1 year
Note
I can't believe it's not sex pollen 👀
so the bit w/ this one is it's really not sex pollen, but they're stuck in quarantine with nothing to do, so, you know 👀👀 (also garak is topless in the excerpt bc the decontamination shower was too rough on his freshly grown-in scales poor baby) I have no idea why I haven't finished it by now tbh. it's one of my oldest WIPs for no discernable reason
excerpt
"Garak?"
"Hm?"
"Alright?"
"Hm." He cleared his throat. "Yes, Doctor."
Resigned, Julian finished his task.
"There," he said at last. "I know you don't need me to tell you this, but keep it clean and moisturized until the new scales come in."
"Quite the contrary, Doctor. Without your firm guiding hand, I would surely perish." He twisted around to admire the handiwork, but was soon distracted, eyes narrowing at the sight of Julian's bare chest. "Why is your shirt off?"
"It's hot in here." And getting hotter. 
"I was going to say it's almost pleasant. But you're the one who turned up the temperature."
"Yes, I'm aware. So you'd be comfortable."
"Very thoughtful of you."
"It's the least I can do."
Garak smiled. "Terribly unnecessary, but still."
"Your comfort is very necessary."
"Well, in that case…" Garak's eyes flicked back to him, and then away, reptile-quick. "Never mind."
"Oh, go on," said Julian indulgently. "What happens in the quarantine pod stays in the quarantine pod."
"With you, Doctor? I highly doubt it."
"Come on," Julian protested, bumping his arm. "That's unfair."
"It wasn't meant to be. Just a statement of fact." Garak's eyes slid back to him, but this time he was smiling. "I'm only joking."
"Which part is a joke?"
"Hmm?"
"Fine. Keep your secrets." Julian sighed. "I'm starting to wish it was sex pollen, honestly. Would at least make things interesting."
"What?" Garak replied, entirely too calm. 
"Nothing. I don't know. Sorry. I didn't mean you're boring, I'm just…going a little stir-crazy."
"I didn't think you meant I was boring. I only thought…" He smiled. "Sex pollen again? You have a fixation, Doctor."
"I just think it's funny to say. Watch out for the sex pollen! And we did get hit with those spores. I can't help but think it would be kind of fascinating to experience something unprecedented. Real frontier medicine."
"You have the most fascinating thought patterns, Doctor. You know you're allowed to have all the sex you like without invoking some pretense. And as far as I can tell, you already do."
"Well, that's not entirely true." Julian's tongue flicked out to wet his lips. "There's plenty of sex I can't have." He laughed a little at that. "Odd phrasing. I'm sorry - it just made me think of something daft my friend Felix said once. 'You can only give a blowjob, you can never keep a blowjob.'"
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zwoelffarben · 1 year
Text
A question actually addressed to me (i think based on context: @iwillgotoheavenforyou correct me if I'm wrong), so I guess I now have to take the time to answer it because "It's the autism," is entirely too pithy an accurate response to be useful.
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How do you know so much
The first caveat to say is that I don't actually know all that much: I'm fond of saying, "I pretend to know things," and that's not really true because I do know things, but I generally give off the vibe that I know more stuff to a more indepth mastery than I actually do. This is cause of three four things.
I'm a knowledge generalist: I don't know a lot about most subjects but I pick up a little bit about everything.
I'm autistic and for me that manifests in being very good at connecting dots to draw beautifyl patterns, even given a small number of data points.
I'm autistic and I'm very particular about how I phrase things, with nuance and depth, such to avoid being misunderstood.
I was taught how to do basic research, and I try to make a habit of doing it before speaking when unsure about something.
I typically only know enough about something to be dangerous; often I need to look things up to remember exact details but I also try to make a habit checking my position on the dunning-kruger graph before speaking by looking shit up: You will however semi-regularly find me called out for having misjudged where exactly on that curve I am enrealis; and one whoopsie-daisy of a conversation with some actual expert later I'll admit that to being wrong on the internet out-loud for the world to read. It's never a pleasant experience but I assure you, I'm always so very brave about it. That's how I maintain the illusion of knowing so much™.
Now as for how I actually go about knowing things, well the things I know a lot about were either special interests of mine or things I specifically learned about in school and college. I went to the liberal arts school ███████ where I learned a shit tonne of information and then my autistic brain started connecting dots and forming opinions about things I have no business having opinions about. I have never filed my taxes (on account of not making enough to be legally required to file taxes) and yet, I have opinions about W2 forms which I won't be sharing here because they're not relevant.
My actual areas of expertise are quite limited in scope to 400 creative writing, 250s math, (english) literature, 200s chemistry, biology, physics, psychology, economics, art theory, painting, computers and coding, 100s of many miscellanious disciplines, blorbo from shows, shows, minecraft, and my lived experiences as an left-handed autistic queer white dude whose shoelaces deep into tumblr. This is a normal amount of things to know stuff about.
I know just about as much as anyone else who is my age and has had my level of education, but my autism might make me marginally better at connecting threads across multiple disciplines to apply knowledges in synasthetic ways, but mostly I'm practiced in the art of appearing to know what I'm talking about (not because I want to seem smart but because as a baby autistic being labelled 'smart' made surviving K-12 easier for me.)
How do you have time to write in such details
I'm fortunate enough that my living situation is stable such that I don't need to hold down a job nor make a living and can spend most of my time shitposting, seriousposting, and playing minedcraft.
I do type faster than most people because I'm a left-handed person both because I type a lot and because I'm using a DAVORK-L instead of QWERTY. I actually can type fast enough to cause minor-major sprains in my right wrist. I don't tend to do that, but it's happened and will continue to happen in the future.
But mostly, I just start a post and type until it's finished. I enter a fugue state and exit it hours later +1 reblog. (This matches my general approach to creative pursuits like writing and painting.)
How do you remember all of this
Most of the time I don't. There are two relevant modes of memory (there are a bunch of others) recall and recognition: I'm good at exactly one of those things; and well, my brain is not a well-ordered library of facts that I can look things up in.
It is a mireous bayou that swallows knowledge to rest beneath its murky waters; and if I'm looking for a specific factoid I need to navigate through the generally unmarked trees until I find a vaguely familar spot or happen upon the information randomly.
The thing you don't see is all the memory aids I have when posting about topics I'm less sure about. I have a folder on my computer called knowledge I put inforgraphics in. I have a folder in my browser book marks (sorely in need of organization) called use where I keep my citable links to stuff. When I need to know a specific fact and I can't find it in the bayou of my mind, I open 2-6 tabs on wikipedia to search for it, some of which I link in the post, and some of which I don't because I'm lazy or I actually did.
I don't remember all of it all of the time: I've recently started systematizing the tools and strategies I developed over the years to help me find my way back to specific information so that theyr better at helping me navigate the murky waters of my mindswamp, but most of the time anything I techincally know is completely forgotten about until it's needed again and dredged from the muck.
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dragonflytehanu · 1 year
Note
"Happy Valentine's Day, Lethoriel and Daeran!
We have yet to formally meet but Daeran has spoken so highly of you - which is impressive in an of itself, isn't it? Anything positive that comes out of his mouth is either cause for suspicion or actually genuine. The fact he hasn't introduced me to you yet is another matter entirely but I can overlook his negligence (as usual) again in this instance. It's a day of positive feelings after all! And as much as he's grated on my nerves this campaign I do care for him as a friend. (Yes, I know you're reading this Daeran, don't let this go to your head)
I've heard you been through much - experiences in a way similar to mine. The pull between lawful and chaotic energies? If you ever want to get together for tea or lunch, I'd be more than happy to talk your ear off about it.
Less about business though and more about the happy couple. I've sent some bottles of Kyonin wine - I heard from Dae you've been quite homesick. It's a terrible feeling, so I hope these find you well and give you an experience you can share together that's close to 'home.'
Regill also sends along his regards, which are far warmer than they are for most others, I can assure you. You must have impressed him at some point! So much so he has extended an invitation for you to come visit us at Citadel Darvhage some time. He also grumbled something about you hopefully being a good influence on Daeran, and that he better not be a bad influence on you.
Anyway, please enjoy the wine! I hope you have a very wonderful night between the two of you.
-Warm regards, Minovae Arangeir.
-PS. Dae you better not screw this up. You deserve to be happy so don't ruin this for yourself."
With a resigned sigh, Lethoriel reached for an envelope with unfamiliar writing. Her expression changed from tense to surprised as she read its contents, and then… she smiled. Daeran, lounging nearby, watched his fiancee with curiosity, and waited. As he expected, she approached to hand him the letter, and sat beside him, studying his reaction as he went through the message.
“Shall I bring that wine?”, he asked with the most innocent smile and a glint in his eyes.
”Please do. But first... tell me more about Minovae. We should write back.”
“Wait… so… how long has it been…” Lethoriel snatched the letter from his hand and his grin grew wider. “How rude! What a terrible influence I must be!”
“Daeran.” Lethoriel cut him short, trying to sound serious, but he could see a smile dancing on her lips. She already moved to get up and return to the desk, yet something about her earlier tension made Daeran hesitate. He pulled her down, back to himself.
“You shouldn’t always expect the worst news, love,” he whispered softly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Lethoriel muttered something and leaned into his embrace. 
The letter could wait a little bit longer.
***
Dear Lady Minovae,
It was such a pleasant surprise to receive a letter from you! Thank you for the wishes and the gift, I really appreciate them. We wish you the most happy days and the most delightful nights, not only on the Valentine's Day. I hope our gift finds its way to you safely - and that you can find a place to accommodate the rose saplings somewhere in the Citadel. They might not look like much yet, but with time they will blossom to brighten the darkest corners of the castle.
It is truly unacceptable that we haven’t met yet. Daeran has proved suspiciously tight-lipped on the matter and it makes me wonder what he had told you about me. Maybe that was exactly his intention though - to pique our curiosity and make us verify the stories in person. I am very intrigued by what you wrote - finding a working balance between such extreme pulls is always a challenge. It is a rare but precious thing to find someone who can share your experiences, and I will be more than happy to let you talk my ear off. Or maybe even - sing my ear off...?
I am honoured by Regill's high opinion of me. He has been a steadfast, reliable friend and I miss his company. Tell him not to worry - the influence is perhaps inevitable, but it is only for the better and we make each other happy. I am glad that, for once, Regill allowed himself to follow his heart as well.
Please, accept our invitation to Heaven’s Edge in return - for you and Regill both, of course. It is still far from its former glory, but it has already become a home for us, true to its name. We will be happy to welcome you here.
Kindest regards,
Lethoriel and Daeran
/in a different handwriting/ PS I'm touched with your concern for me, my friend! I hope your invitation extends to me as well, if only Regill will be able to bear my presence, we've got some catching up to do.
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satiatingthevoid · 7 months
Note
So I watched the scifi horror movie Splice... I can't say that I'd recommend it to anyone because it's probably the most fucked up movie I've ever seen and I found it so disturbing that it genuinely almost made me hurl, damn I was not ready, but I'm not sure I'd call it a bad movie. It definitely produced horror... very visceral horror. It's also sort of, well, definitely somebody's fetish. It's really.. something, I sort of hate it but I think that's the point, it goes places that most people really don't want to go. The topics of humanity and morality are kind of heavy, it gives you things to think about. If you haven't seen it and are curious, again I can't recommend it because I don't think it's a pleasant experience, just please know that it has the potential to be very triggering at some points and do mind the rating and content warnings. That being said, if you've already seen it though I'd like hear your thoughts on it.
Adrien Brody, right. ... I remember this movie vividly, even though I've only seen it once. I saw it when it was relatively new. Dren. ...
I was also fond of the movie 'Cube,' when this body was much younger, which had the same director and writer (entirely different movie). Maybe I am misremembering but at least in the area I was in at the time... I don't think many people, were willing to give Splice a fair chance. In the past I've tried to talk about this movie with... others, but I don't think in the end, it was something they were willing to stomach, which...I understand. I'm sure by now, it would be considered one of those mysterious cult-classics because no one seems to remember it, despite it being relatively successful... I think if it came out in a different period of time, it would have been much bigger... What do I think, what do I think.... I think it played with a lot of interesting concepts concerning bioethics, certainly. It made me feel strongly for Dren, and the way they were being treated... In many respects it. Hmmm what's the phrase... It "hit home" for me. But I am not sure if I should elaborate further on that because it's... well, you're free to make assumptions. It was one of those, "Just because science can, doesn't mean science SHOULD!" movies, but it was willing to dive much deeper. This might sound strange but it made me feel similarly to the movie "A.I. Artificial Intelligence" even though, the movies were worlds apart ... it dealt with some similar moral questions, I think... The human race can hardly handle variants of chromosomes that occur in naturally in people, people with different features, or harboring any traits that deviate from "the norm", even if they're harmless toward others... ableism, racism... homophobia... sexism... so we can only imagine, how people would treat someone like Dren, that's not even quite human. But with human dna and intelligence. No matter how justified scientists think it is, it's unethical to create a sentient sacrificial lamb. So what happens when people do that for the Hell of it? This lamb, is going to have an extremely fucked-up life no matter what. The moment it becomes dangerous, it introduces many new questions. How do the people who created it in the first place now take accountability? Is "taking accountability" providing this creation proper care, love, respect, citizenship, and trying nurture them for the rest of their life, even knowing that life will eventually be extraordinarily painful ...? Or is taking accountability killing them... because now they also have the potential to be dangerous on top of the fact that they can't possibly have a good quality of life, no matter what anyone does... by all rights, they never should have been made. What's the answer? It is created, it's here now... so what must be done? Which is the right choice? How much of a say does Dren, get? This questions now become much deeper, in a sense ... I think it boils down to morality and abuse of knowledge and power: Do human beings have the right to play God, like this? Did God for all the power of creation we can possibly imagine and more, truly get everything right? ... so why should anything lesser do it. It can and will go wrong.
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pacificwaternymph · 1 year
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Fanfic writer ask game, sorry that this is a long list:
🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?
🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?
💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?
💖 What made you start writing?
✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?
🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?
🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?
Any parent-child dynamic, especially of the found family variety, makes me go weak at the knees. Something about the unconditional love of parents, man. It just gets to me. So like any of Shrub and Xornoth's interactions in the Wolf Mother.
The chapter after the full moon detailing the aftermath, where Shrub learns that Xornoth jumped off the balcony and gradually grows more and more horrified as she realizes that once this kid actually becomes more comfortable being himself she is going to have her hands full? Had me dying.
I'm sure you'll notice hurt comfort is my BRAND. A lot of my works have themes of healing, dealing with complex emotions and trauma, and reconciliation, and put a heavy emphasis on deep interpersonal connections between the characters.
A good deal of my family does, actually. They've known about my writing ever since I've started. I've never let them, you know, read any of it, but like yeah they are aware of it. And as for friends, a fair number of my friends are also consumers and producers of fanfiction, so yeah they all know.
Not really? Whenever the motivation strikes. Which just so happens to be... right before I tell myself I'll go to bed.
Love love LOVE!! I adore hearing what you guys think of my stories, all of your ideas and suggestions and predictions, it's so so so wonderful to see that so many people read my stuff and like it, it's so surreal.
I had a really vivid image for a story in my head and was frustrated that I didn't have the art skills to draw it out. So I turned to using my words as an alternative. I've been doing this for about 5 years now.
Characters fearing being hurt in some capacity, only to be treated with kindness. This usually takes the form of a child character who is used to cruelty being adopted into a loving family, but also fairly frequently shows up as an antagonist I'm attempting to redeem expecting some sort of harsh punishment for their actions and instead being faced with, if not forgiveness, then at the very least a willingness to hear them out and a demonstration of the heroes' goodness.
Depends. Sometimes I'll completely wing it, like me not doing any research for my pirate au and just going by vibes alone, but for some specific things as well as topics I want to be able to give an accurate and respectful depiction of (such as disabilities, different cultures, religions, etc.) I'll go a little more in depth with my efforts.
Snippet beneath the cut:
Having wings was… different.
Xornoth wasn’t quite sure how he felt about them yet. Growing another pair of limbs overnight wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, to say the least. He could only remember vague flashes, a searing pain in his back that wouldn’t abate no matter what he did. He remembered a hand in his hair and concerned voices surrounding him. But other than that… nothing.
He’d faded in and out of reality the entire time, horrific flashbacks so lifelike Xornoth almost could have sworn they were real plaguing his every moment. But the one thing he knew for sure was that his mom had been there the whole time. 
- The first couple of paragraphs from chapter fifteen of the Wolf Mother
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that-bipolar-mood · 8 months
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Hi there,
I don't know who else to talk to about this, and your blog seems like the only one I can talk to about this (you don't even have to answer this).
About half a year ago I started getting into spirituality. At first it was wonderful, and really inspired and encouraged a lot of positive personal growth for me. I started meditating and hearing voices. However, there have been a few times that became disturbing, and a couple were downright terrifying.
I only just recently opened up to my counselor about those moments. She was naturally concerned, and reached out to my my medication specialist to let her know. The meds specialist then gave me a prescription for Abilify, and kind of rushed through the appointment without really listening to me. Hallucinations or not, to me those moments were very real, and to have them so quickly dismissed has hurt me deeply.
I see how my behaviour could be concerning for others. I agree that I do experience hypomania. I'm not living an impulsive or reckless lifestyle, but I do go through cycles of being high-strung, irritable, and depressed, only to bounce back to being pleasant and happy-go-lucky again. Yet it hurts to know that my attempts to better my life and connect with a higher source was noted as a red flag, like they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like all of my credibility and respectability has been taken from me overnight. It feels like whenever I become excited about something that it's going to be questioned as a suspicious and monitored as a symptom, instead of allowing me to enjoy my life like an adult. I already feel like my partner looks down on me. He uses my earlier mental illness diagnosis as a means to infantalise and patronise me, even if he doesn't think he is.
We both have relatives with bipolar disorder, and I don't see myself being like them. I've seen what mania looks like, and where it leads to. It scares and dismays me to be put into the same category as them. I could handle the ADHD and depression diagnoses, but BP is more than I'm willing to admit. Quite frankly, I'm ashamed of it. Just like I'm embarrassed for sharing my spiritual experiences and research with those around me, and how silly I must have looked.
I've decided it would be best if I avoid anything involved in spirituality, to play it safe. However, now there's a great absence in my life, with nothing worthwhile to put my time and energy into. There's a deep emptiness and loneliness in my heart with nothing to replace it. My inner compass now has no direction, I don't know what to do with myself anymore, both daily and throughout my life. I feel unremarkable, unsupported, and out of reach of G-d's love.
Thank you for reading through my vent. I hope you're having a good week.
- Jackalope
Well hello, and thank you firstly for reaching out.
To be honest, I believe the majority in the bipolar community or perhaps even the entire mental health community, understands or relates on some level. Also, I won't lie and pretend there is a simple answer here, or that anyone can give you one in the first place.
Now that I've said that, here's my personal subjective view. Spirituality saved me from my existential struggles, but I learnt the hard way that there is a line that I can never cross unless I want to get hospitalised. I tried desperately to balance my spiritual beliefs with reason and this diagnosis I received... it went horribly...for some time. Naturally, l gave up.
Guess what happened. Didn't work out. Depression kicked in faster than ever, and I'm talking about the paralysing, scary, losing-self one. Anyway, this happened next:
1. I just stopped surrounding myself with judgemental people who kept putting me down because of spirituality (frankly, I had no energy left).
2. I embraced the fact that I can be both mentally ill and practice spirituality, but starting slow...(no staying up reading on religions or painting visions instead of eating).
3. I switched psychiatrists and was lucky to find a liberal open-minded one, who helped me sort out which beliefs were harmful and which weren't.
4. Again, lucky for me, I found the right medication that kept me stable and offered me a chance to control triggers better.
So, in my experience, yoga and meditation (sometimes hours long) are not harmful but crucial. Yet, anything that occupies me enough to disrupt or just rapidly change my life can be potentially harmful. Welcome to 'the spectre life' of bipolar.
I'm not sure which diagnosis you consider to be correct for you, I can speak as someone with bipolar disorder, and my life is really all about balance. Meaning it goes both ways. I cannot do without spirituality, but I have to be careful not to "bite off more than I can chew."
I hope this helps and if you feel like chatting or anything really, please message me.
I believe truly that you have the capacity to sort this through and that you will be alright.
<3
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nebulousneuroticism · 6 months
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I guess I did get a little energy from vacation, because I was able to get up on time today and do some chores in between work tasks. I did the laundry, including bedsheets, which is always exhausting, and I did a big grocery shopping trip, too. Work was pretty quiet, and I was somewhat unproductive, but it wasn't entirely my fault.
In the evening, I couldn't really decide what to do. There were too many possibilities, and I felt torn between them. In the end, I returned to some things I was doing before my trip--watching television and playing Rimworld. It was pleasant enough, but I feel like I need to clear my head and do some productive things. I want to write (either a story or my D&D adventure), and I want to read (I started Les Miserables on vacation, and it's a very large book so I can't afford to go too slowly), and I want to play Trails of Cold Steel 2 (which I also started on vacation), and I want to find something spooky to watch for halloween (but not too spooky), and, and, and... So my mind was too jumbled up to really do anything.
A couple of things happened tonight that made me feel bad about myself, too. First, that cute girl has been depressed lately, and she tried to call me but I missed the call. I really dislike talking on the phone, so I keep my phone on silent. (Plus, though I would never admit this to her, talking to her on the phone is not a great experience--she simply does not have conversational boundaries and will monologue for literal hours, leaving me feeling trapped). She knows I hate phone calls, and she usually respects my preference, but I know it bothers her a lot. So I felt guilty about missing the call, but also filled with anxiety at the thought of having a conversation, especially because all I want right now is solitude.
The second thing that made me feel bad tonight was weighing myself--it seems I gained quite a bit of weight on vacation. I've been feeling kind of bad about the upward trend for a few months now, and this was a step in the wrong direction. I don't really like how I look, and I worry that munching on food is becoming an emotional crutch of sorts, which is not a healthy habit to have.
In other words, I am filled with angst. I'm sure you have missed this angst, dear reader, but I am here to provide.
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