#it's mostly healed but also still not completely

[mxjackparker]

With all the propaganda and rhetoric against top surgery that "Gender Criticals" and general transphobes are spreading, here's some info on what top surgery was actually like for me, from surgery all through the healing process! (This post will include some images of drains and a little blood!)

I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria (which is necessary in the UK for surgery) around May 2020 and started testosterone February 2021, all through GenderCare. I got a letter from the gender therapist and a surgery referral from GenderGP and consulted with my surgeon then booked surgery for 14th Feb 2022.

I had to travel all the way to Manchester, on a coach that took many hours, and book a hotel. I raised surgery money via GoFundMe because despite being referred to (now closing) Tavistock GIC in early 2020, my appointment to even be assessed wouldn't have been for over 5 years.

I had a double incision top surgery (double mastectomy) on February 14th 2022 as scheduled! I woke up in a fairly minor amount of pain, still on painkillers from the surgery, with drains. As you can see, I was also so happy that probably made it hurt less!

My top surgery took a few hours. Pre-surgery, my chest size was a 32 H. That's a lot of tissue to be removing, and so I did end up with drains for the first 48 hours after surgery, though drains aren't used as broadly in the UK anymore and not by default.

I was discharged from the hospital the morning after my surgery (some people go home the day of, but I pre-arranged to stay overnight). I took no painkillers after surgery at any point during healing. I was up and walking around from the moment I left!

If you take painkillers, that may make you more fatigued and/or constipated, so those things are totally normal. If you need painkillers, you should absolutely take them - it's not a point of pride to suffer more than you need to. I didn't take any painkillers because I have a history of addiction to them. However, I found the pain entirely tolerable even despite the lack of medication.

The evening after I was released from the hospital, I was pacing my hotel room carrying my drains! Moving promotes healing and prevents blood clots. I was very hunched!

Directly after surgery I got to briefly see my chest, but not for long given that I needed to have the compression vest on! I didn't have too much swelling, so I could see what my chest actually looked like and was so excited. Once I got my drains out, I got to see it for longer!

The pain post-surgery was manageable. I had to bend forwards a little when walking so as not to pull on my stitches and make it hurt more, but I never took any painkillers and the pain was never intense enough to make me feel compelled to. I kept wearing my compression vest!

The drains were honestly the most painful part of the experience for me, and once they were out the most pain I felt was from my back from walking hunched forward. I wore the compression vest on and off for 2 weeks then abandoned it completely, because I had such little swelling.

3 weeks after surgery, I got my dressings off (except nipples). I could see the full scar. I told my surgeon I wanted scars that were mostly straight, and that combined with the size of my chest meant the scars needed to meet in the middle in a little triangle.

Everyone's scar shape is different, and you should talk to your surgeon about what you want. I didn't want semi-circle shape scars, because I wanted the scar to follow my pectorals so I'd have the option in the long-term of fading/medical tattooing and mostly hiding the scar.

3 weeks after top surgery, I was well-healed enough that I went into London for the Sex Work Strike and did a speech there! I was well-recovered by this point, though still fatigued. (A link to my speech if you're interested.)

Around a month, I took off the nipple dressing as instructed by my post-op nurse, and one was healed enough for no dressing but the other took about another week to be as healed. Healing isn't perfectly symmetrical.

Once all of my dressings were off and I was able to probably clean my nipples and scars, I got to see the full result of my chest. This is the thinnest my scars ever were, because they hadn't developed as scars yet - they were healed shut but weren't done scarring.

Once I was past a month of healing, all of the physical effects of top surgery had dissipated. I was no longer fatigued, my scars didn't hurt (though they did itch!), and I was in the secondary healing phase. My chest below the top of the nipple had minimal sensation.

I got phantom sensations, like water being poured over my chest, as the nerves reconnected. It wasn't painful, but it was weird! By month 2, I regained full sensation in most of my chest, with very little sensation on the scar and the skin directly between it and my nipples.

I have pretty much full sensation (including erotic sensation) in my nipples now. It's important to note: double incision almost always results in some loss of sensation, especially in the nipples. I'd have been fine with that, and this was an extra bonus for me!

This is my chest and scars 8 months after surgery.

And this is my chest now, just over 2 years after top surgery:

I'm very happy with how it looks, with how it feels, and I have zero regrets!

#trans man #ftm #trans men #nonbinary #top surgery #transmasc #transmasculine #transgender #lgbtq+ #trans

[mintytealfox]

Hi! I'm super new to IDV and keep seeing a lot of art (official and fan) with Fools Gold and Alice! I love it all, but I was wondering is there a canon or fanon reason for their connection, or is it just a ship that developed based on their personalities? :)

EEYYYYYY~ I would LOVE for nortalice to be canon but I will be shocked if they make any coupling canon outside of psychologist (Ada Mesmer) and patient (Emil) and if they throw in Geisha's husbando and AKA mostly those who were already coupled before the manor games~

But I personally think there is potential there~ the Da Capo game (the one they are concentrating on in the main story) heavily leans on the Greek Lore of Orpheus and Eurydice~ with the cast consisting of The confirmed roles are these two: Orpheus: Novelist Eurydice: Alice/Journalist then the potential roles are as follows: Hades: Norton/Prospector/Fool's Gold Persephone: Melly/Entomologist not sure where Frederick goes, he will probably throw a wrench into this entire thing LOL

EDIT: So technically Melly and Norton could fall for each other cause of Hades and Persephone (I wouldn't be opposed to that either honestly cause that ship is my second love LOL I don't necessarily see them as romantic but I wouldn't be upset if they got together cause of the hades and persephone thing. plus whenever they are in anything together they are constantly memeing on the other and trying to get ahead at the cost of the other loool so I think they meme on each other a little too much for things to get romantical lol but who knows they could prove me wrong one day)

BUT WE AREN'T HERE TALKING ABOUT NORTMELLY RIGHT NOW LOL right now is NORTALICE TIME LOL

but I love em cause of their personalities and I feel like they would balance each other pretty well~

for example, Alice with her OCD would be calmed by Norton's matter of fact and 'it will be fine just work hard' view on things. ((that is what helps me with my OCD anyways lol is someone I trust taking my hands and saying its fine) I have an entire post about hand movements and I went into how Norton's movements are quick and precises and deliberate and Alice would need that for grounding 👀 While Norton needs a gentle touch cause that would be so unfamiliar to him that it would make him stop in his tracks I think~)) ANYWAY OFF TOPIC

Then vice versa with Norton and his gloom view on the world and Alice comes in with optimism and cheery-ness lol. She will protect her lil grumpy people LOL

Alice 👇 Norton👇

So I guess to answer your question, its definitely on their personalities and completely based on potential~ The potential and nuance is there with what we know about them so far and there is the hope that Norton will turncoat in the story, with Melly convincing him to help her save Alice 👏👏 I just like adding the little bit of spice of 'you two get together and heal together okay' I feel like they would balance each other out well~

Norton needing that softness and Alice needing that wall to lean on. And I think they would work so well together~

I hope I somewhat answered your question, I feel like I was all over the place LOL my baaaad

also I have no idea why they keep having Alice looking so down bad for Fool's Gold 🤣🤣🤣🤣BUT I LOVE IT SO DARN MUUCCHH LOOOOL (and added to the fuel for this raging fire that is my love for Nortalice)👏👏👏🤌🤌🤌🤌💞💞💞but it has me LAUGHING at the fact that on hallucinogens drugs she STILL sees Norton as a knock out BABE -WHEEEZZEEE-

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK #HEHEHEHEHEHEHE #identity v #norton campbell #idv #idv prospector #alice deross #idv norton #identity v norton #idv journalist #nortalice #idv alice deross #idv alice #identity v alice #alice in wonderland au #identity v norton campbell #idv fool's gold #identity v journalist #journalist idv #identity v fool's gold #identity v prospector #ask #asks #minty speaks #minty answers

[theshadowrealmitself]

I’m so mad, I had another fun dream with a semi-coherent plot but I forgot most of the plot aaaaaahhhhh

What I do remember: being “held hostage” in a creepy hotel with two other people (I can’t remember if there was another reason why we felt we couldn’t leave other than the feeling that something bad would happen if we tried)

And I can’t remember the specifics of it but the hotel was creepy because it was odd and unsettling, especially the workers, who seemed like they all had something wrong with them, and the guy who ran the hotel kept checking on us to “make sure we had a pleasant stay” but it seemed more like he was dangerous and making sure we didn’t leave

The main thing I remember is the end of it, where our group was like “fuck it, we’re leaving” so we try to quietly get out of there without even grabbing our stuff and head down in the elevator, but when it opens up in the lobby, there’s that guy standing in front of the doors, staring right at us with that “pleasant” smile

So we start to close the doors, mentally agreeing that we’ll just go one floor up, then take the stairs, and hopefully be able to sneak by him because he won’t be expecting us to do that hopefully, but before the doors finish shutting, his arms (and he was far from the elevators) shoot into the elevator and start holding the doors open

And then he starts to turn into this large yeti-like monster that was so huge he couldn’t even stand in the elevator and his entire body blocked the doorway and he just kept looking at us with that “pleasant” customer service type smile that became scary looking as his teeth sharpened, and we’re all just like “oh this isn’t a serial killer hotel, this is a supernatural hotel and there’s no way we’re getting past these workers”

Anyways, he let us all go back to our rooms, it was obviously just a show so we could understand that he’s always going to supernaturally know when we’re trying to leave, and I just remember being super into the horror aspect of it and I think it’s been awhile since I’ve read a good monster romance, and now I can’t write it myself because I really struggle with having outlines to stories and I can’t remember half of what that plot was 😭 and that beginning part is really important because it’s the buildup to “that’s a supernatural monster” when you’re expecting a normal situation that really makes it

#I really struggle with finding good horror romances because my criteria is: #actually scary + actual romance #(usually I find books -especially vampire books- where they’ll make the creature way less scary for the romance stuff) #(or if it is scary then there isn’t really ‘romance’ the monster may want to kidnap them but there’s no like. actual romantic tension.) #I think a hotel yeti monster could actually have that #mostly because me who I was in the dream was horrified at the reveal but like. also was super into the monster. #because that’s just. who I am apparently. #and I can think of a few reasons for why they would be held ‘hostage’ and still have it lead to a romance plot #willing to go into depth if anyone asks #also I think I’m gonna call out of class today #get a bit more sleep #still sick but I’m at the tail end of being sick now I can feel it #by next week I should be completely healed #no fandom #dreams #my dreams

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Once again chanting in my mind "graphic card" to avoid snapping at my mother saying dumb shit

#how do you always get to the wrong conclusion of everything oh my godddddd #yeah yeah a lot is wrong with doctors like a fucking lot I'm well aware I've suffered huge amount of pains for years for that #but she says it from a novax point of view so she's still wrong by saying the right thing and it annoys me so much! #obviously she's too fucking fatphobic to see how that is one of the biggest issues in medicine #fun fact my father is not taking meds to heal from something that could actually kill him because it stops him from eating #that's apparently okay but vaccines aren't #someone should study their brains under a microscope #also my father problem was probably caused by the extreme diet he did that was mostly starvation #at least i feel better about myself #sometimes i get very depressed about all the things I'll never be able to do because i fucked my wrist at 18 but at least i did that #crocheting #he completely destroyed his health to lose weight #also even more fun thing he wanted to lose weight for reasons that didn't have anything to do with the weight he probably just can't eat #grains #he got better as soon as he stopped eating normal pasta and switched to the fake ones made with rice and stuff #they didn't connect the dot #but the second i thin person started to have issues breathing #that are definitely side effects of covid btw #grains were immediately blamed #god i shouldn't get into these rants because i just get mad at their stupidity AND I NEED TO STAY CALM FOR THE GRAPHIC CARD #and especially not build enough represed rage about it to risk trying to choke my mother the next time she says it's fine i lost all that #weight #sure it's fine losing weight because of illness and depression is fucking wonderful #i have to fight with myself most days to eat enough but sure that's fine I'm staying thin!

[stormhearty]

Pushed to the Edge

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Trigger: angst, cheating, suicide, death

Word Count: 3k

Summary: You were the official seer of Night Court for nearly 500 years. the Inner Circle had always listened to you and your visions; however, when the Archeron sisters came and Elain started to show her powers, your family started to shift their attention to her visions. When you try to voice your warnings about the death-lord’s resurrection, everyone gave you the cold shoulder, ignoring your prophesies — this included your mate.

Note: no hate to Azriel or Elain, it just helped with the plot. and Also, I know it's completely unreasonable for Azriel to not have the Truth-Teller be with him at all times, just go with it for now. And I am working on “Reach Your Voice” Series, I’m still trying to figure out how to make sure each of our boys spends quality time with the reader.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue

<Pushed to the Edge> Masterlist

“That sounds absolutely absurd… How many times will you try to warn about something that will never happen?”

Your voiced died in your throat as you watched Rhysand look at you with apprehension before focusing on the paperwork in front of him.

You had ran into his office, waking up in cold sweat after another vision of another Death God crawling it’s way back into Prythian. You had tried to forewarn your High Lord for weeks on end ever since you first saw that vision. However, your warnings had been ignored by Rhysand. You knew that it sounded impossible, you knew that, Prythian had just finished a war — one that almost destroyed the world.

After the war with the King of Hybern, Prythian was slowly returning to its normal … well, attempting to fix what was broken by the King. The Night Court was healing, trying to rebuild itself again to its glory, helping other Courts to fix the damages that the war caused. Rhysand had been through an ordeal, losing his life to save Prythian and you knew that your High Lord was still recuperating from that tragedy. You knew that your High Lady was as well, almost losing her mate.

They didn’t need another war to happen when peace had barely returned.

But you also knew there was another reason your High Lord had been ignoring your for forewarning. You looked to the side, one where the rest of the Inner Circle was watching the confrontation. Cassian and Nesta, sitting close to each other, a glass of wine in their hands, whispering to each other, mostly likely about you and your vision. You could barely pick up with your keen Fae hearing on what they were saying.

“Do you think what she’s saying is real? That Koschei is trying to come back?”

“Elain hasn’t seen it though…”

The whisper of the middle Archeron child echoed in your ears as you looked at the Made Fae. She sat next to the window, brown eyes that seemed to sparkle like the sun rested on you before turning over to the male that she was sitting with. Your gaze followed hers to Azriel — your mate— but you can see that he didn’t bother to glance in your direction, only to focus on the delicate female next to him.

It hurt. You watched as the two of them conversed, glancing back in your direction before focusing on each other.

It was no secret, not for you, on Elain’s growing infatuation for the Shadowsinger, and in turn his own growing affections for the middle Archeron child — and in turn, losing his love for you.

You woke up in an empty bed, your mate missing from his side. You tried to talk to Cassian about how his day went, on if he would still train you with the Valkyries if he had time. You tried to converse with Rhysand and Feyre, seeing if they were healing properly after the war, wanting to make sure your High Lord and Lady were safe. You sought after you mate, wanting to spend even a second with him.

But they disregarded you so easily. Especially after they had found out that Elain had similar powers to you, one that was gifted to her by the Cauldron — one that was deemed more powerful than your own.

Your role as the Official Seer of Night Court was granted to you after Helion had sent you as an emissary for Day Court. Helion had found you wandering around Day Court lands. You had been a wandering child, with no real attachment to any Court, abandoned in the streets by your family at the age of five when your seer powers started to come into light. Helion had taken you in when you were ten, helped you hone your powers. Being a seer had been a mystery, no one in your heritage (that you were aware of) was a seer. And it baffled Helion on why such a remarkable gift had been casted aside.

You had stayed with the Night Court, gaining their trust and friendship for five centuries, gaining your own little foothold in their family. You had been a pillar when Rhysand had been trapped Under the Mountain for nearly fifty years. You helped Mor and Armen with the official Night Court Duties, trained with Cassian to ensure you were strong enough to fight when neither he nor Azriel was there.

During your time protecting Valeris from the eyes of Amarantha, your mating bond with the Shadowsinger snapped. It had been difficult at the start, both of you were still struggling with the disappearance of your High Lord, along with the weight of protecting the very city he hidden from view. But during that time, you became each other’s pillar, each other’s comfort in such a dark time. Falling in love with Azriel wasn’t difficult.

But keeping his love, apparently, was the most difficult.

When the Archeron sister’s came into everyone’s lives, it caused a tip in the scales. You loved Feyre, you loved your High Lady. You would do anything in your power to ensure she was safe and well cared for. But for the Cauldron-Made sisters, it was difficult for you to accept them.

They were different. You couldn’t see anything about them, as if the Cauldron had masked them from you powers. It made you terrified of them. Feyre and Rhysand had tried to assure you that the Archeron sisters deemed no threat to the Night Court. And you trusted them — trusted your High Lord and Lady without a blink of an eye. And yes, while their words deemed true, you did not realize that they were a different type of threat. One that would eventually lose your foothold in the Night Court.

You swallowed, your throat parched as you glanced from the sight of your mate and Elain speaking to one another to Rhysand and then to Feyre who had stood next to him. She gave you a worried look, wondering what you were wanting to tell them.

The air was tense, the declaration from your High Lord seeming to echo in your surroundings — he had deemed your vision to be false. And he had never done that before.

“… But…” you whispered, your voice nothing but wind in such a large room, “… I’ve seen it so many times, Rhys. Someone is trying to resurrect him. That they need a piece of something from the Cauldron — -”

“The Cauldron is with Miryam and Drakon… in Creta. There is no way that anyone would be able to use that power again,” Rhysand’s tone was taut, as if trying to drawn a line between the truth and your vision, “Your vision must be wrong, (Y/N). There is no way that Koschei can be resurrected from that lake.”

Another swallow, “But what if it doesn’t have to be the Cauldron itself. It could be something that was Made from the Cauldron.”

Rhysand’s eyes snapped up from his desk, up to you, eyes darkening at the words you were insinuating, “—- What are you trying to say, (Y/N)?”

You let out a shaky breath, eyes shifting down to your hands, fiddling with your fingernails — a habit that you’ve had ever since you were a child — one that would leave your hands raw from removing skin, ‘… Nesta and Elain were Made from the Cauldron. If it were to get word to the followers of Koschei, they… they could be in danger. The power that resides in them is the Cauldron… Nesta took something from the Cauldron and did not return it… They could be looking for that.”

It was already bad that you were trying to suggest a return of a Death God, months after a war with Hybern, but it was worse that you were even implying that the sisters were the center of being in danger again.

A dark shadow stood in front of you and you looked up to see Azriel. The golden string that connected the two of you sung, it had been weeks since Azriel went near you, but you knew that his side of the bond was shut, enshroud by shadows, completely shutting you out.

“Az—-” you said his name, as if it was a prayer, hoping he’d be the voice of reason. That he would back up you and your visions. As he always had in the past.

“How can we know that your visions are truth, (Y/N)? There are two Seers in the Night Court now, and yet you are the only one who sees this.”

Your ears rang, a high pitch noise echoing through them as disbelief shook your body. Azriel never distrusted you, never doubted your visions and your forewarnings.

The bond in you ached, as if it was burning you on the inside. Tears lined your eyes as you looked up at your mate, brows furrowing, “…How could you, Azriel?” you muttered, the pain lining your tone, “How can you not trust me?” your voice small.

“Because Elain hasn’t seen it,” was all he had to say.

Hot tears ran your cheeks, as you shakily stepped back from the male that had towered you. You glanced at Cassian and Nesta who looked at you, their eyes inattentive to the pain that you were feeling. You glanced at your High Lord, who looked at you with disinterest. You looked at your High Lady, the only person in the room that seemed to have noticed your pain and anguish, as she took a step towards you way, only to be stopped by Rhysand, his hand around her wrist.

“… So, just because the Cauldron-Made Seer hasn’t seen it, doesn’t mean that it is going to happen?” you asked, your question in the air for everyone to think, “… Just because I wasn’t a Seer Made by the Cauldron, that my visions and my words are not real? That I am a lesser of a Seer than her?”

“(Y/N)—-” Feyre, the voice of reason, called our your name.

You took a step back again, head shaking at them, “I’ve worked my life off for the Night Court. Ensuring that your city is safe, making sure that any danger would never step past the wards that you have put up. I have never hidden anything from any of you. I used my visions and my powers for all of you. And yet…” your voice shook at the end, not believing anything that was happening in front of you, “You disregard me… the moment a better Seer shows up. One that is Cauldron-Made… one that you…” eyes shifting to Azriel, “Deems more suitable for you.

“I’ve seen it. Not only in my visions but here with you all. You have decided to all turn a blind eye to it, decided not to tell me about it. Three sisters for three brothers, isn’t it, Azriel?”

Azriel’s form stiffed in front of you — he did not think that you would have heard that.

You were done, you were tired. You were tired of the lies and the deceit from whom you thought were family.

Feyre’s brows furrowed as she looked at you and then her elder sisters before the back of Azriel. Rhysand stood up as well, standing next to his High Lady at your declaration.

“… What are you talking about, (Y/N)?” Feyre asked, watching your form shake.

“Don’t you lie to me…” you muttered, glaring at your High Lady, “Don’t you dare lie that you have not seen it. Don’t you dare tell me that you have not noticed that Azriel and Elain have been together all this time. That you have turned a blind eye that a mated male would be infatuated, would fall in love with someone else that was not his Cauldron-bound mate. Don’t you dare lie to me you have not all seen it, and have ignored it and not tell me about it.

“You also have all disregarded me and my visions, ever since Elain started to show her own powers. You have all deemed, even without you telling me, that my powers are not worthy enough. That you all would listen to her cryptic visions rather than my own.”

Your words were rushed, you were hyperventilating to the point that your visions swam, but you shook your head, focusing on the scene unfolding — Feyre’s surprised look, Nesta and Cassian staring wide-eye at Elain before glancing at the Shadowsinger in front of you and your High Lord gripping the edge of the table, his violet eyes clearing as if he was in a trance, as if his mind has been cleared and he realized what he has done and what was unfolding with his family.

“No, (Y/N), that’s not what we meant…” he tried to reason, try to gain back your trust in the found family you had with them.

You scrunched your face, shaking your head as you looked at your High Lord before back at your mate, “…That’s what you have meant for the months you have been ignoring my forewarnings. Been ignoring me. Because Elain’s powers are better than mine, you have casted me aside…” Another step back, glancing at the grand door behind you before you glanced back at the family who had lost you, to the mate that had broken your entire being, “You had decided, to your own conscious, to fall in love with someone else, who is bound to someone else, just because you deemed that the Cauldron was wrong. I don’t understand what I have done to you, Azriel… when I have spent nearly five-hundred years with you, fifty years with you as your mate. And you, knowing Elain for a mere five minutes, throwing all that away…”

Azriel looked at you, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes staring you down. He watched as tears continued to flood down your cheeks, your form shaking even further. You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t just stand here and be the object that they throw away.

So, you ran, ran out of that room, your name echoing behind you as your dress swirled behind you. You climbed up the spiraling stairs to your shared room with Azriel, throwing up the strongest ward you can muster behind you and around you. You couldn’t handle it.

You couldn’t handle the echo of the bond in your chest, you couldn’t handle the empty stare of your mated looking at you. You couldn’t handle the thought that you were so easily replaceable. A sob escaped your lips as you rummaged through Azriel’s drawer of weapons, pulling out the one weapon that he never is without — Truth-Teller. Dark tendrils of shadow gripped your wrist as you looked around you, Azriel’s shadows surrounding you.

That was where his shadows went — they had always disappeared when he was around Elain, yet they were here with you.

Frantic knocks startled you as you grasped the weapon close to your chest, your head whipping around towards the door. You heard them — Feyre’s panicked voice, Rhysand’s apologizes, Cassian yelling your name. But you didn’t hear that one voice that you had loved — you knew Azriel wasn’t there.

That had pushed you. Gripping the weapon, you moved to the bathroom, the shadows following your every movement. As you kneeled down on the marble floor, you felt the tug of the shadows against your hand, trying to will the weapon out of your grip — attempting you to stop at a take of your life.

You had always loved the shadows that surrounded Azriel, both physically and metaphorically speaking. They had always comforted you, protected you, always had been there for both of you when times were tough. But this was one of the times that you didn’t want them protecting you, comforting you.

“Please..” you begged at them. Whether or not they would listen or sprint off to their master, they backed off, though a few tendrils stayed behind, slithering around your wrist, holding Truth-Teller, as if a reminder not to do it. But you had made your mind — you couldn’t stay and be pushed to the side. Not anymore.

And with a last breath impaled yourself with your mate’s beloved knife, the very knife he had handed Elain during the war, was the last thing you remembered. As your body fell against the marbled floor, your soul leaving your body, you felt the tendrils of shadow frantically skim over your body, as if to try to find a piece of life still clinging onto you. Eyes looked and watched as the ward was broken and your High Lord and Lady skidding towards your body as your soul left for the skies above, the cool feeling of shadow never leaving your body.

A gasp escaped your lips, the dull ache on your chest making you rub at it.

“— - What…” you mumbled, your voice hoarse as if not used for a century.

“That Shadowsinger did not know what he had decided to let go, huh…” A voice, one so dark and so familiar echoing.

You knew that voice, that voice that haunted you in your visions for weeks — the same voice that you tried to warn your family about. Eyes opening, you were surrounded by the dark, the voice of the Death-God echoing around you.

“I should have died…” you voiced to no-one.

A laugh echoed around you, “You did, (Y/N), but you forget that I am a Death-God… And I can resurrect anyone I wish. Now, that your family has abandoned you, why don’t you join me. Show them what happens when a Seer of your capacity has been cast aside. I should have had you when that original family of yours stranded you, but that damn High Lord of Day found you first. Anyway… come child…”

You laid there, in the darkness, before you shakily reach out a hand, before spiny fingers grasped onto yours and pulled you out of that darkness.

#acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #acotar angst #a court of thorns and roses #( .one shot : pushed to the edge )

[ivesambrose]

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 🥂

1. 2. 3.

Do I dare ask how 2023 has been for y'all?

Pick the image you feel the most pull towards or have been seeing around you a lot, if you feel drawn towards multiple, so be it. 🤍

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Winter Specials

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𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 1

Your central theme is rising from the ashes. You're in the process of the most intense metamorphosis yet. A new dawn, a new day, a new life.

You'll feel empowered, passionate and obsessive about your pursuits. You'll allow the old skin to be ripped off of you and you'll no longer be scared to be you.

This year brings you connections, admires, collaborations, unions both in personal and proffesional life.

There's a certain duality in you that you haven't explored yet, but you will in the coming months.

You'll have good health for the most part compared to the previous year. Your family will be taken care of. The hope and assurance you may have lacked from them will come through. It will feel warm and refreshing. (Goes for chosen family too)

Romantically, you may be focused on your career or just living your life a lot. But someone might want to build a legacy or long term relationship with you.

If you're already coupled, the focus goes to building what you have and looking after domestic affairs and see things bloom.

Proffesionally, you will have your most successful and blessed year. Money shouldn't be a problem and even if it seems like it, your needs will always be met and you'll still have more.

Some of you might enjoy ghe fruits of your labour extensively. This goes for the ones who work solo or run their own business etc

Academically, you might feel a bit disinterested. Might move out from your home or change subjects. Take up something completely new. Might face your fears and push through but make it a point to follow your inner calling for the most part.

Themes centered around relationships and partnerships are significant this year as well opportunities coming out of the blue that call you to heed your intuition and step out of your comfort zone or limiting mindsets, that will inevitably lead to travel, progress and new experiences.

Make the best of this year, it'll feel like you're finally on the journey you've been preparing yourself for all this time.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 2

Your central theme is using your emotions as your guiding force, using it as fuel and not seeing it as weakness. Quieting your mind so you can listen to your instincts more. Healing from things you don't speak of, that you've felt have persistently held you back from your potential and finally taking the lead. You'll feel like the main character in your life finally, instead of seeing everything through the lens of a side character no one remembers.

You'll feel motivated to follow what makes your heart happy. You may be faced with choices a lot this year, a lot of this or that in several aspects of your life. Trust yourself to make the right decisions.

You'll be learning about your mind and body this year, so incase you go through ups and downs in your health you'll be able to manage it but also guide others too.

Romantically, you might as well get your happy ending. I see that you're mostly focused on the complete picture. Not bothered with what is going on in between too much. So you'll get what you're manifesting eitherway.

Proffesionally, a rebirth or evolution will take place. Something new that will grow overtime. You'll be driven about it. So success will be imminent.

Success in academics as well, feeling proud of your achievements.

Themes around revolution, personal development, healing generational trauma, humanitarism, technology as well being open to the unknown will also be prevalent this year.

Learn to make amends and embrace the breakthroughs this year has to offer you.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 3

Your central theme is related to wealth, inheritance, change of lifestyle, receiving help, building a legacy and feeling more secure. Some of you will see a success or change they did not see coming, it was hidden for the longest time.

Some of you may even be leaving poverty behind for a more financially secure life.

You'll find yourself blooming, physically especially. A glow up in your looks and quality of being is going to be imminent. Focus on health, beauty, food, routine etc as well. A lot of you will be experiencing vivid dreams, strange synchronicities etc too will be learning about esoteric subjects, occult or the subconscious mind a lot. You'll also be receiving success and recognition or you might be building your steps towards it that will eventually pay off in the long run.

You'll feel like this old self or image of you has died. You may even mourn it for some time but will feel more powerful, confident and self assured once you're past that.

Romantically, you'll be feeling desirable and might attract a lot of suitors. Your self concept will improve exponentially, so will your standards. So nothing less than what you want. Your intuition will be at all time high. Fear no one and nothing. Some of you might also be moving to a new house too or might end up owning something in your name.

Proffesionally, although you might deal with competition you won't be too worried. You know your skills, you'll have your resources, your work will speak for it self and you will stand out.

Friendship, community, discoveries and gains are also some of the themes surrounding you this year.

Let your imagination create for you. You'll soon realize there's so much power in allowing yourself to receive what you desire by simply being instead of doing too much.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #pick a card #pac #pick a pile #pick a picture #2024 messages #2024 pick a card #psychic readings

[outofconcheol]

friends forever? (lmh x f!reader)

pairing: Minho x reader (afab)

genres/au/rating: fluff, humour, angst if you squint, brief smut, established relationship, 18+

summary: Minho has the difficult task of wooing someone very important to you.

warnings: CATS, a very confused Minho, swearing, mentions breakups, mentions periods, just lots of feels ok, smut warnings: brief oral (f receiving), kissing

word count: 1.9k

a/n: Where are all my cat people at? this idea came to me today and it was so cute i almost passed out (jk I did actually pass out today). i really said enough of Minho wooing reader, i want to see this man woo a cat and i made it happen! Also Lulu is one of my nicknames for my cat (but he's a boy). this is very unedited, I wrote it in like an hour but I hope you enjoy!

It’s past midnight when Minho notices the eyes for the first time. They peer at him from the endless darkness of the hallway and he looks around nervously, wondering if he should say something. In the corner of his eye, he can see you rustling around in the kitchen, cabinets opening and closing as you try to find some snacks for the both of you. If there’s an intruder in your apartment, you don’t seem perturbed, humming quietly to yourself.

He wonders if this is some kind of test from the universe, if some evil spirit’s been sent down so that he, as your newly-minted boyfriend, can prove that he’s brave and worthy of protecting you. But before he can whip out his ghost-busting skills, your sock-clad feet are padding towards him on the couch, a surprised gasp leaving your lips.

“Oh! I see you’ve met Lulu.”

Minho blinks once, twice, before following the sound of your voice, looking down over the edge of the couch. 

Those same eyes from the hallway blink up at him. It’s a cat. Your cat, fluffy fur and all, looking at Minho through narrowed eyes.

Immediately, he softens, silently relieved that he wouldn’t have to slay any demons tonight. Minho loved cats. He had three of his own waiting at home. He slides off the couch, dropping to his knees, extending an arm out.

“Hi there Lulu, I’m Minho. Nice to meet you.”

Lulu cocks her head, taking a few seconds to look Minho over, assessing him from head to toe. And then she… remains completely still, refusing to budge and accept the offer to smell Minho’s hand. Minho feels his heart drop, arm still outstretched with the hope that she’ll change her mind, but to no avail.

“Babe,” Minho zips his head in your direction, and you offer him a comforting squeeze to his arm. “Lulu takes a while to warm up to new people, it’s nothing personal. She never liked any of my exes.”

You giggle, pulling Minho back onto the couch with you so he can rest his head in your lap while you start the movie. Minho tries to focus on the film, but his mind remains elsewhere, darting over to the side where he sees Lulu sitting next to the couch. Eventually, she jumps up onto the cushions to join you, snuggling into your side, but maintaining a safe distance from Minho.

Minho resists the urge to overthink the interaction from earlier. He knew better than anyone that cats were temperamental beings, and that they required extra love and attention. So what if Lulu never warmed up to any of your exes? She’d warm up to him eventually, because he planned on sticking around for a long time. 

If you asked Minho the key to winning a cat’s heart, he’d tell you time. And maybe lots of treats. But mostly time. He thought time would be enough to heal the frosty first impression he’d left on Lulu, but every time he was over at your place, there she was around the corner, mean-mugging and making him feel guilty for crimes he didn’t commit.

He didn’t want to worry you with his silly beef with your cat, knowing that you loved her and she’d helped you through many hard times. 

So Minho, being the amazing boyfriend he was, tried to tackle the problem on his own.

He started with treats of course. The sizeable dent in his wallet from owning three cats only became all the more palpable when he’d buy an extra box from the pet store every week, hoping to woo over Miss Lulu with the five-star meal of some pureed chicken in a tube.

Lulu stared down the tube like it was a foreign object, before slapping her fluffy tail against Minho’s face, turning on her heels, and walking away.

She had the same reaction to the freeze-dried treats he tried the week after.

Then he theorized that maybe Lulu was averse to the smell of his own cats on him. So Minho kept an extra pair of clothes in his car all the time, one he’d change into before coming over. When he knocked at the door, he was met with your dazzling smile, cupping his face to press your lips to his, but as soon as it was over he caught sight of Princess Lulu running down the hallway away from him.

Months passed with Minho doing everything he could wrap his mind around what he could do win over the second most important person in your life (after him, of course). He’d even powered through a tense meeting between Lulu and Soonie, Doongie, and Dori, worried that his sons would scare her away, or even worse, hurt her, and that would be the end of you and Minho. But much to his surprise, Lulu played happily with the boys, even letting Dori tackle her and lick her fur.

And so began Minho’s mutual grudge against your cat. He did his best to hide it, but the lack of acceptance from Lulu was getting to him, like an arrow through his heart. He wondered if he could survive years by your side with a cat that hated him, but one look at your sparkly eyes and pretty smile told him that yes, this was worth it. You were worth it.

So Lulu ignored Minho. And Minho ignored Lulu. And both of them continued on in their own little worlds, centered around you. 

Minho slams his lips against yours, pushing you up against the door of your bedroom, smirking when he feels your lips part in a soft moan. The two of you make out lazily against the door for a few moments, until you’re both breathless and panting, Minho stepping back to admire the handiwork he’d left on your neck, the angry marks disappearing underneath the neckline of your shirt. 

Minho runs his thumb over your lip, watching your eyes go dark with desire, and in no time at all, you’re pinned underneath him on the bed, legs dangling with Minho in between them. He wastes no time diving in, eating you out with fervor until you’re writhing against his face, a wave of pleasure building inside you.

Only for it all to come crashing down seconds later, when he suddenly stops. You let out a pathetic whine, running your fingers through Minho’s hair while he remains crouched in between your thighs.

“Min, baby what’s wrong?” you lift his chin up so he’s looking at you, and the look in his eyes is so starkly different from a few minutes ago, his face pale.

“She’s watching us,” he whispers, like he’s seen a ghost.

You follow his line of sight to the top of the dresser, where Lulu is now perched, tail tucked underneath her butt, eyes narrowing at you and Minho.

“Just ignore her, babe,” you nudge his head between your legs again. Minho gives a few tentative licks to your folds, but lets out a heavy sigh, sitting back on his knees.

“I can’t.” And he looks so unbelievably guilty it makes your heart melt. You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, before throwing on his discarded shirt, softly padding over to where Lulu rests.

“Hey pretty girl,” you coo at her, cradling her in your arms. “How about we go drink some water, huh?”

Minho sits on the edge of the bed, legs crossed and head in his hands. He doesn’t hear you come back inside, jumping slightly when you throw your arms around him, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

“She doesn’t hate you,” your voice is muffled, nuzzling your nose against his jaw.

“She does,” Minho whines, trying not to let his voice break. “She literally won’t accept any treats from me. Every time you have period cramps, she glares at me like she’s saying “It’s your fault, asshole.” She even plays with Changbin more than me. And he’s allergic! She hates me and you’re going to break up with me because I can’t get along with your cat.”

“Why would I break up with you, silly?” you giggle. “I love you.”

Minho grabs you by the shoulders, cupping your cheeks in his hands, shock on his face.

“Y-you do?”

You nod your head, reaching up to grab his hand with your own.

“I love you, Lee Minho. And Lulu too. My heart is big enough for both of you.”

Minho feels better after that night, his anxieties melting away, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can survive this impasse with Lulu.

Until you ask him to do the unthinkable.

“Please Minho? It’s just for one night.” you beg him. Something urgent had come up for work, and you needed to take an overnight trip to handle it. Which meant Minho had to stay home with Lulu.

Minho wants to protest, saying the little brat will be fine, but then you pout. And it’s game over. He’s agreeing before he can think it through.

So you leave, the door clicking behind you, and Minho sits on the couch, Lulu across the room from him, the two of them staring each other down much like the first time they’d met. He takes meticulous care to fill up her food bowl and clean out her litter box, his heart doing a flutter when she doesn’t refuse either.

But she remains at her safe distance, and Minho is alone on the couch, missing the warmth of your presence next to him. He clicks through a few tv channels, before turning the TV off, throwing his hoodie on and slipping out onto your balcony, making sure to leave the door slightly ajar in case something happened to Lulu.

He sits with his knees curled to his chest, watching the city lights twinkle, until he hears a soft whine. He turns to see Lulu across from him on the balcony, maintaining her healthy distance, but staring at him with curious eyes.

“You’re a tough nut to crack Lulu, you know that?” Minho blurts out. “I just wish you’d like me, kiddo. I try so hard for you. And for your mom.”

He leans back against the railing, letting out a heavy sigh, and the words keep pouring out.

“I love her a lot. Like a lot a lot. I think I’m probably gonna marry her someday. And then we’ll be stuck together whether you like it or not.”

Minho closes his eyes, wondering what the future would hold for the two of them, when he feels it. The soft brush of fur against his leg, and then tiny vibrations.

He blinks his eyes open, and Lulu is nestled against his leg, soft purrs coming from her as she burrows her nose into Minho’s sweaptants.

Tears prick at the corner of Minho’s lids as he fights every bone in his body not to jump for joy. He reaches over, softly stroking Lulu between her ears, and chuckles when her tiny mouth drops open.

“Of course. The only thing you love more than attention is ____. I should have known.”

He stays impossibly still, battling against the ache in his leg, his eyes growing heavy with sleep. 

That’s how you find him in the morning, still cuddled up to Lulu. You smile softly, grabbing a blanket from the couch to throw over Minho while you work on breakfast for him and Lulu, finally content that the two most important people in your world love each other as much as they love you.

a/n pt. 2: As always, any feedback or comments are much appreciated, but I appreciate you all anyway. Lots of love, Isi 💜

#kvanity #lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #lee know x you #stray kids fic #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #skz fic #skz imagine #skz x reader #skz x you #lee know #lee minho #lee know fluff #lee know smut #lee know scenarios #lee know imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #stray kids soft hours #skz soft thoughts #lee minho fluff #lee minho smut

[katabay]

my knight-monk agenda strikes again, but this was less of a 'I read something that made me experience several emotions and a strike of inspiration at once,' and more of a 'wouldn't it be fucked up if the bejeweled skeleton saints came to life and and started. eating people. or something. in revenge. medieval catholic horror, or an older horror of not being buried right. zombies, even. a complete bastardization of holy visuals. zombies.'

it's a far away idea, but I still wanted to play around with font layouts. like, if I DID make it into a full comic: these would be visual vibes, perhaps.

it's also a little bit about the kind of intimacy that these kinds of spaces provide, or in the case of this monk: the heavy trauma of war and the death of your brother, the escape to a secluded monastery, spiritual brotherhood to make up for your dead brother, but your role as a physician keeps pulling you back to this violence you want to escape. physician, heal thyself, only you have a holy calling to serve those in need, so instead: physician, open up your wounds again. saint jude, patron saint of lost causes, give us a fucking hand here, man. amen.

Homosexuality in the Renaissance: Behavior, Identity, and Artistic Expression, James M. Saslow

and this one is about earlier history than the medieval period that this comic is set in, but the monk character is sort of an exploration of earlier themes. a little bit. I like overlapping eras with each other, I've done it before and I'll do it again. this character is an exploration of some other stuff too, but mostly this book was interesting to read

From Monastery to Hospital: Christian Monasticism and the Transformation of Health Care in Late Antiquity, Andrew T Crislip

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

#i almost made him a benedictine monk but then we would've been reaching territory i do not feel like suffering through #generic medieval tag #i had more tags but i started talking politics and honestly if im going to talk politics i think its better to just make a post about it #i dont actually talk politics on tumblr even tho a lot of my work is extremely political in its subtext/text #because i think that tumblr is very annoying for that. its so anglo-american-western centric in its political theory #and i am WELL beyond that. i use twitter for politics because i love suffering lmao but also its like. still better for getting stuff done #komiks tag

[hazashiovo]

Omg that kuvira sub req was lit! Could you do one for Zuko please? Maybe after he’s become fire lord?

I decided that instead of writing nsfw, to just make it angst to fluff. Sorry that it's not what you asked for ,but this is what I got.

Genre:Friends with benefits to enemies to lovers ,angst to fluff,

Tw: mentions of trauma, burning and leaving a scar.

Zuko x Fem reader

Ever since you ran away from Zuko to help the avatar restore peace to the world,you kept thinking that he would let go of you.

But no, you can't catch a damn break, since you ran away he's been chasing you. He swore to find you.

How? You have no clue. But you never doubted his devotion for this cause,you knew that Zuko had that burning will in him.

I mean,you were his soldier,and things between you two were...complicated.

Sometimes you would have heart to heart conversations. Maybe about your life,or what you would be in the future, and other times it was just making out after a stressful day. But you never did more than that,he wanted you ,and you wanted him but there was always something holding you back.

Now this is something that fuels Zuko, his need for revenge is powered by those moments between you two. And not only that,but if he finds you he also finds the Avatar. Which is the perfect reason for him.

You get to be punished for treason,and at the same time he would finally have his honor restored. That's what he says to himself at night. It's not like he wants more.

So for months, almost a year he searched for The avatar,and for you,each time you managed to slip right trough his fingers.

The last time he saw you was at the northern water tribe,when he tried capturing Aang you fought Zuko while Katara protected the younger boy. Zuko knew he could do so much damage to you,but he simply couldn't.

You unfortunately lost,after all Zuko was stronger than you. You both knew it,but it never stopped you before.

You tried talking to him,you always thought that if you got a chance you would be able to at least get him to think of another way,a better way. Maybe this way things wouldn't be so complicated between you two.

But no matter how much you tried,he was just too stubborn.

You tried putting a fight again,he was so angry that he didn't even realize with what force he sent that fire at you,not even throwing you a second glance.

Too blinded by anger,now that you weren't in his way anymore he went for Aang.

If you wouldn't have blacked out you would've saw the way Katara fought the prince,after all he harmed you, and wanted to take Aang away.

You woke up on Appa,Katara was tending to your burn mark, trying to completely heal it.

"I'm sorry (Name),but it's going to leave a pretty big scar here." Her hand would lay on your shoulder comforting.

It was rough looking in the mirror,but you started getting used to it. The bad part was when you started having nightmares of your fight with the prince,the burning feeling awaking you in cold sweat.

You healed with time, fortunately for you,the prince and you didn't meet again after that. You split from the team,it was necessary for you to find a way to heal the scar that Zuko left in your mind.

Imagine the shock on your face when you finally got reunited with your friends.To see Zuko there was something you never expected. Deep inside you knew he could change but never actually thought he would.

He would be so awkward, and yeah he would talk to himself, trying to find the right way to apologize to you for hunting you down and kicking your ass. It was also this little thing, he never realized how much you affected him when you were around until you left,and it drove him mad. Never quite understanding why.

He kept his distance from you, mostly because he didn't really know how to approach you. It's not that he's as mad as he was before when you betrayed him, but it's still awkward.

So you two just stayed away from each other. The group could see something was up with you two,I mean they knew about your scar and journey ,but Zuko didn't.

Nobody told him about the scar he left on you back then, and you never confronted him about it.

One night when you wanted to take your mind away from all that's happening ,you found yourself in the lake near your camp.

A swim would do you good.

Unfortunately for you ,that's what the young prince also had in mind.

He was left speechless once he saw your naked form in the water. A certain part of you got his attention,your back.

There was this big part of your shoulder all the way to your waist that was just burned.

And then it clicked, when he fought you in the north water tribe,he did this.

"Stop staring." You speak,loud enough for him to hear you, getting deeper into the water so your back would no longer be visible to his longing stare.

"I wasn't staring." He turns his head away embarrassed,his face hot just thinking that you caught him staring at your form. He acted like a pervert. How could he be so stupid?

Zuko quickly took off, not allowing you to say anything else.

He spent the night thinking,about you ,your scar your body. It annoyed him so much that all he could think was you.

So he left the next day with Sokka, on a mission to free Sokka and katara's dad from a high security prison. Totally no big deal.

Each day he spent there he hoped he could get you off his mind,but no matter how hard he tried you were just stuck on him.

Let's just say that he had some pretty unusual taughts while he was locked away.

After he saw Sokka with Suki he got this weird feeling, it was some inside him pushing him to be this way,with you.

So there he was,back at the camp with a complete mission, trying to find a way to speak to you. And he couldn't really bring up the last time he saw you, 'Yeah I saw you naked and I stared at you, wanna date?' no way in hell, unless he wants to be seen as the biggest creep ever.

"Mind if I sit?" Zuko's eyes dart up at you,he didn't even hear you coming her.

"No one's stoping you." You sit down next to him, noticing how he quickly looks away.

"It's been a while huh?" Your eyes look up at the dark starry sky, hoping he's willing to talk to you.

Zuko furrows his brows, searching for the right words to say. He never had to think so hard while talking to you,why is it so hard now?

"I won't bite if you say something." You nudge him with your elbow, sending his thoughts away for now.

"Listen,I'm really sorry for what I did to you back in the north,I was just so blinded by my desire for honor that I was willing to cut trough-" your lips stop Zuko from saying another word, already hearing what you wanted.

He's sorry for hurting you,and he admitted that he was blindly chasing something useless,and that's all you wanted to hear from him.

He whidens his eyes for a second,finally realizing what's happening he cups your cheek with one hand and closes his eyes, kissing you back.

You break the kiss, looking at his face for any sign of reluctance. But all you can see in his eyes is this soft look,it's really cute.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that from you." You whisper, afraid that if you would speak any louder you would break this comfortable feeling around you.

He smiles, closing his eyes. All this time he thought so much , wondering how your next interaction would go,or what would you say to him.

He missed the kisses,soft ones were his favorite,but the making out had a tool on him too.

"I missed this." He speaks,hand trailing down your lip, carefully touching it.

"I never thought you'd forgive me." Zuko allows his head to meet with yours gently stroking your cheek.

"Thank you for becoming a better version of yourself."you smile, placing your hands on his wrist in a gentle manner.

"Okay what's going on here?" Sokka looks at the two of you like he witnessed a war crime. Did he drink cactus juice without realizing??

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't write Zuko smut yet ,I'm sorry 😭

#atla x reader #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #x reader #fem reader #zuko x reader #prince zuko #zuko atla #atla zuko #zuko x fem reader #sokka #aang #katara #toph #reader #fan fiction #reader x character

[transmascissues]

12 weeks post-top surgery thoughts

most importantly, i’m absolutely fucking in love with how things look! it’s still not set in stone yet, my surgeon said i won’t really see the final result until up to a year after, but I’m so happy with it already.

my surgeon’s default timeline would’ve had me starting scar tape at 4 weeks, but i still haven’t started yet because some little scabs are still hanging around even though most of my scars are completely healed. my surgeon didn’t seem concerned about it taking longer than expected, she just said everyone’s body is different. given that i have a connective tissue disorder and skin that just hates being messed with at all, i’m not surprised that it’s been slow going and i’m just happy that the rest is healing so well. i just had another post-op today and was cleared to start using scar tape because the scabbing is so minimal at this point, so i can finally move on to the next stage of healing.

i can (mostly) lift my arms now! they still can’t quite go all the way up, but i have enough of my mobility back that the only things i really struggle with are super high shelves like the ones above my fridge, and things like the washer and dryer that i have to reach really far to get into. technically, i was supposed to wait six months before raising them because that’s what my surgeon usually recommends for aesthetic purposes, but i have to be able to raise them to do my job anyway so i’m not limiting myself beyond the natural limits of discomfort at this point.

my chest muscles are mostly back to normal too, but they’re still very sensitive. when i flex them, it doesn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable but i am a lot more aware of the feeling than i was before. they also still tire out more easily than they used to — i’m back at work now, and i’ve learned the hard way that i tend to favor one arm over the other for certain tasks because when i do any of them for too long, i start to feel it in that side of my chest. it’s not anything too bad, but i’m still making sure my shifts are spread out because i don’t want to risk overdoing it.

i’m getting used to touching my own chest, but being touched by other people still feels super weird and honestly uncomfortable at times, particularly when it’s my bare chest and not over my shirt. i’ve been touching it a lot to try to desensitize it since around week 3 or 4, and it seems to be working as far as my own touch, but other people is a whole other story — when my boyfriend is touching my bare chest and their hand touches the scars, it doesn’t actually hurt but i react to it like it does. i suspect it’s more of a mental thing than anything, that since i’m still instinctively protective of it and not quite used to how it feels, touches that i’m not in control of just automatically set off alarm bells. it’s also just a generally foreign feeling even without the weirdness of healing because my boyfriend never really touched my chest before surgery since i was dysphoric about it, so it seems to require desensitization on multiple levels. i’ve given them permission to keep touching it even when i flinch (unless i explicitly ask them to stop) because i want to make sure i start getting used to the feeling.

i’m also still very sensitive to pressure against my chest, especially the front of it. it’s getting easier to lie down on my side now but i’m still using my body pillow to take some pressure off of the scars under my armpits, because if i don’t i usually can only stay in that position for a little while. my boyfriend can mostly lay their head on my chest for short periods of time now, but the position matters because if the weight isn’t distributed evenly enough or if it’s on the wrong part of my chest, it hurts. that being said, less intense pressure on the front like a hug or holding something to my chest is pretty much fine, i’m just still more sensitive to it (as with everything). i’ve been able to lay face down on top of my boyfriend a couple times without discomfort too, but i’m still erring on the side of caution and not laying on my chest too much yet.

when i was around a month in and thought i would be starting scar care soon, i was really nervous about it — particularly about the scar massage — because of the state my chest was in. i still didn’t feel like i could press on it or move the skin around or pick it up with my fingers at all, and the scar tissue underneath was still really thick and firm. i assumed that all of that would stay the same until i did the massages to break down the scar tissue and loosen things up, but i can now confirm after another month and a half of doing nothing while things healed, my skin is naturally a lot more mobile and a lot of that really thick scar tissue has already broken down. obviously i’m still going to start massaging now because i want to give myself the best possible chance of healing well, but i wish i had known how much my chest would be able to bounce back on its own. in hindsight, i’m glad i ended up having to wait to start the massage instead of doing it back when my chest was much less healed, because i’m much more comfortable manipulating it now.

every once in a while, i’ll get sharp pains in my chest. they aren’t horribly painful, mostly just unpleasant. they feel a lot like the nerve zaps i was getting earlier in recovery so it might be another round of nerves reconnecting, but it also happens more often when i’m working so it’s hard to say if it’s nerves or over-exertion. either way, i always make sure to take it easy when i start to feel that, just in case it is a sign of me doing too much.

i typically almost never eat meat, but i chose to reintroduce it into my diet after surgery to get more protein, because i wanted to make sure my body had everything it needs to heal and protein is a huge part of that. now that i’m pretty much all healed skin-wise and just waiting for everything to settle, i’ve decided it’s time to go back to my usual diet of not-fully-vegetarian-but-pretty-damn-close. i’m sure the diet change wasn’t strictly necessary but i don’t regret doing it, though i am glad to be switching back now.

putting on shirts still hasn’t gotten old. seeing how they look over a flat chest honestly feels surreal, but in the best way. hugging people and being able to press all the way into it js also still such a great feeling. i’m far enough in now that i can do all of that stuff without worrying about it, but still early enough that it all feels really new and special, and i’ve been thoroughly enjoying that.

wearing a more genderfucky outfit out in public for the first time post-op was a fucking blast. my boyfriend and i went to a new year’s eve party, and getting to show off my chest through a sheer lace top and my facial hair alongside makeup was so much fun. it was the first time i’ve been able to go all out without the lingering feeling in the back of my mind that dressing up means inevitably being seen as a woman. i definitely didn’t look like a cis man to any of the people who saw me, but they could clearly tell i wasn’t a cis woman at the very least, and knowing that made me so much more confident.

i’m far enough away now from being in the trenches of early recovery that the reality of the fact that i got such a big surgery has started to fade. when i really think about the fact that my body went through all of that and about how hard early recovery was, it doesn’t quite feel real anymore. i’m starting to reach the point one of my friends told me about, where my chest being like this feels so normal that it’s just like “yeah, of course, it’s always been like this, right?” it’s wild, really, the difference a couple months can make — it wasn’t that long ago that i was exhausted and arguably depressed from the early recovery process, and now it all feels so normal that i have to remind myself it took all of that to get here. i never really doubted that it would be worth it in the end, but i’m still more sure of that now than i ever have been.

the last couple months have been a long road, but somehow they’ve also flown by. it’s given me so much appreciation for my body — its potential to transform and what it’s been able to withstand. i wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

#top surgery adventures #top surgery results #top surgery recovery #top surgery #double incision #trans man #transmasc

[genshin-scenarios]

what flowers they’d give their s/o

Summary: A raffle request from my Adopt a Wanderer preorders! They’re a mix of genshin and HSR, but I’m posting it here as Wanderer’s included! If you'd like to see more HSR content from me, feel free to drop a request at @tiramisu-rambles! 

Characters: Wanderer, Luocha, Jingyuan, Aventurine, Sunday

Content warnings: implications of character death in Luocha’s part.

Adopt a Wanderer: Digital Store Red String of Fate Event: Requests still open!

Wanderer: Anemones

Sincerity, forsaken love, anticipation, protection from evil.

Just like the many versions of himself, anemones are windflowers with various meanings depending on their color. And despite the hurt Wanderer’s been through, his barriers are worn down by your honest intentions; your brightness, moments of quiet connection, and how you’re adored by many.

He’s glad the wind has brought him to you. These flowers may have a delicate appearance, but it’s obvious that neither of you are so fickle.

“They’re a protection from evil, apparently. Something about closing its petals when it rains.” 

“Really? In that case, I have a version of that already with you!”

It’s a bouquet made with multicolored hues, where he hands himself to you. A small thanks for acknowledging his past, and a few blooms that represent anticipation for the future.

It’s been a while since he’s been vulnerable enough to feel nervous about something. But it’s a more positive spin on the emotion, akin to excitement when he knows he’s going to see you — but Wanderer would rather choke than use a word so innocently childish to describe himself.

Due to its wild nature, anemones also symbolize relaxation and a reminder to enjoy the moment. To take in opportunities at the right time, as he’s learned from you.

Luocha: Marigolds

Resurrection, energy, good luck, warmth, prosperity, jealousy.

Luocha sees you in the warmth of the flowers, as powerful as the Sun despite your bubbly outlook. He sees the light, which makes him worry he might taint your smile with his true nature.

You thank him for the flowers, thinking of him as the miracle doctor that’s giving you a gift. He is, but he also hopes you don’t get closer without being aware of what he is.

Marigolds represent despaired love, although this is mostly on Luocha’s part as he constantly sidelines himself, making himself a ‘side character’ rather than a potential partner for you. But he’s too selfish to completely step out of your life, accepting your invitations to lunch and walks along the harbor. He says the world feels peaceful around you. It’s true.

These flowers are often associated with life and death. In this case, it’s Luocha’s silent promise to always protect you, even if you might not want it yourself. 

And if there comes a day where he has to pick between saving one or another… He’ll make sure you get out alive. Perhaps he’ll even save the bystanders around so you’ll keep calling him a wonderful doctor, before his powers fail to heal his own wounds.

Jingyuan: Forget Me Nots

Clinging to the past, faithfulness, remembrance, true love, fidelity.

‘I’ll keep you in my thoughts,’ they say. A warm sentiment from the General, and behind them the memories of all he’s gained and lost in the past.

Jingyuan is used to being alone. He’s a leader after all, who wears the air of one without a care in the world. He’s capable and busy, but what he says as a teasing remark contains words that can be read very differently.

‘Don’t forget me.’

Forget me nots also symbolize links to the past. For a long-life species, it’s easy to feel the days melt together, and beautiful sights aren’t as vivid anymore.

That’s why Jingyuan thanks you for letting him remember — remember what it’s like to be surprised again, to see the sky and find it breathtaking, along with your voice in the wind. He wants to remember all of this as long as he can, so he gives you these flowers on occasion to remind himself.

“Do you miss me that much, General?” 

“Of course. There isn’t enough time in the world to spend with you.”

He starts to appreciate his lifespan again, for having the chance to run into you along the way.

Aventurine: Daffodils 

Honesty, truth, forgiveness, appreciation. 

Despite the amount of lying and masks he wears, Aventurine knows there is truth in the anxiety he feels around you. The same feeling before a risky gamble, where he hopes his bluffs will deceive his opponent.

…He doesn’t know what he’d do if you ever looked at him with disappointment. If he somehow managed to fool you into expecting something he cannot give; heart ringing hollow, echoing deeper and deeper in resonance every time you interact.

Perhaps one day this hollow ringing will actually turn into a heartbeat, and he can finally face you as Kakavasha. (Put aside the fact that despite his persona, Aventurine is still facing the world with honesty in every act).

He also chooses Daffodils because, in his attempt at excusing these sentiments, he simply thinks of you as his source of honesty and truth. A Sun that the flowers lean toward, after blooming each spring despite the desolate, cutthroat winter.

‘Please forgive me. Please don’t look away.’

Daffodils also symbolize rebirth, new beginnings, and good luck. Perhaps you can draw this out of Aventurine, who’s been on guard against the world for as long as he can remember?

Be the sunlight that sifts through the window, greeting him every day; a good-luck charm he continues to believe in.

Sunday: Violets 

Peace, devotion, healing. 

You bring him peace. With every smile you direct at Sunday, he feels hope that the world around him can be rebuilt. ‘You heal me,’ the flowers say. And despite how candied flowers dry bitterly on the tongue…

‘After all this is over, I’ll devote myself to you.’

He can’t be sure if you believe him, but Sunday has long disposed of the idea of predicting you. ‘It makes you human’, his sister once said.

Violets are reminders of loyalty, thoughtfulness, and dependability. Sunday looks out for you at every corner, even if his presence isn’t tangible. He notices your little victories and joys, feeling his heart twinge from the distance. And when your days are bleak, just know there is another soul mourning with you, playing a song to soothe your sorrows.

He’s devoted to you long before the drama of politics are done. In a sense, one can almost say he’s too caring — from a glance it appears he’s not bothered with you, and watch for a minute longer, the small, irrelevant commands given to his subordinates ring clear with thoughts of you.

Sunday doesn’t put a spotlight on his love, yet showers it with the adoration of the moon. Quiet, graceful, and just a bit selfish.

#wanderer #luocha x reader #sunday x reader #aventurine x reader #jingyuan x reader #hsr luocha #hsr x reader #hsr sunday #hsr x you #hsr aventurine #hsr jing yuan #genshin wanderer #genshin x reader #genshin x you #hsr imagines #hsr writing #hsr reader insert #hsr headcanons #honkai star rail

[sanji-piss-hell]

ZOSAN FIC REC

Here is some of my fave zosan fics. Some of these I read years ago and so I don't fully remember what theyre about but they we're good enough that I still have strong emotional attachments when I see the name. Most of them are things I've read recently. Literally all I do all day is homework and have an app tts fanfics to me like an audio book so there's quite a few of recs here. I am not the best at summeries but just trust me bro these are GOOD SHIT. I only provide the best. What I consider a good fic: - Takes place in the one piece world (I don't like modern aus) - Characters stay in character or if they do have changes from their canon portrayal there is a justifiable reason from within the story. - Solid story telling and arcs (even the shorter fics) - The Zosan dynamic is kept mostly how it is in canon they fight and bicker. (I know some like when they're soft with eachother like a loving married couple. You won't find much of that here) - Some of these have pervy sanji, que nose bleeds and ogling. With that out of the way here's the list!! Now to my fave zosan fic of all time and ironically enough the only fic taking place in a modern setting: Life is fine series. TW: Drug abuse, heavy angst, depression I have reread this twice and forced a friend to read it too. It is so amazing not just for the zosan but for the genuinely good story telling. You follow zoro reeling from his sudden loss of relationship with Sanji and falling down a...Well uh, path. It's fucked it's dark it's depressing and its fucking riviting. Alot of the time reading this you're just like WHY DID SANJI LEAVE HIM WHAT IS GOING ON??? Honestly I need to reread this again. Onto softer fics to heal your heart after that one: Honor in limits, his strengths in weakness By Hawksbrood

“Fucking hell cook, what happened to you?” Zoro demanded, voice low so as not to disturb the others sleeping nearby.

Sanji rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told you we got in a fight earlier.”

“Not that, your fucking feet!”

The cook snarled at that, crushing his cigarette in his teeth. “What the fuck do you mean, my feet? They’re just feet!”

Zoro’s eyes widened, looking at the bruised flesh before him. This wasn’t that.

This was just so good and cute. I appreciate watching zoro appreciate sanji. They take care of eachother but in a way where theyre both still them yeah know? I appreciate how sanji is written letting himself be vulnerable but understanding that he's always gonna be crass cause it's just a part of who he is.

come on, come on (turn a little faster) by donutsandcoffee

The one where everyone thinks they’re dating, Sanji is oblivious, and Zoro takes everything in stride.

Sometimes a love story can go in reverse.

I reread this one recently and it's just soft and sweet. I like watching sanji flounder around. The gay panic is great.

a complete guide to falling in love by ThousandSunny Sanji was trained in the Bridal Arts; this does not go unnoticed by the rest of his crew. I read this like 3 years ago and I dont remember much but I do remember loving it!

Part Timer By 8ball Sanji really, really doesn't want to give Zoro a job at his restaurant. Zoro doesn't really even want to work there in the first place, but, well, there’s this thing with Sanji, and this thing with feelings and the whole thing is pretty damn stupid all together. Zeff just wants grandkids. He’s too old for this bullshit anyways. I am sure everyone knows 8ball very well they're like zosan famous but still just in case this one is really fucking good. Also read this 3 years ago so I don't remember much but I consider this a zosan classic. Onto the rated R Grand Buffet by asyndese Drunk fic!! If there was one thing Zoro knew, it was that you could always trust Sanji's inclinations to do a beautiful 180 as soon as he was drunk. Luckily, Zoro was more than equipped to handle it. I spent. 30 minutes. Trying to find this fic again because that's how much I loved it. It altered my brain chemistry. Sanji getting a nose job during sex is just. aaaaaaaaa. Read it. Cannot suggest enough. Horrors not yet known by Trixree

Sanji doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before, is the thing. Of all the times he has seen Zoro shirtless (in battle, mostly) he just… never noticed. The problem is, once he has noticed, Sanji can’t seem to stop noticing. And neither can anyone else.

In which Zoro has a nipple piercing and Sanji has a Problem.

I recently reread this and the first time I read it I didn't really get the whole gender sanji shit. Now though???? Yeah another fic that rewired my brain chemistry. This fic opened doors for me it exposed me to a new world. Also sanji gay panic is in here and I live for that. It can be pretty raunchy (love that too) Three rounds with a tiger by KobochaKitsune Another drunk Fic!! also in modern times damn maybe I lied sdklfj

Liquid courage, drunken decisions, terrible euphemisms, and texts from last night, or: how to think entirely with the booze (and your dick) for once.

Or: By the time Sanji got to the party, everyone was already drunk.

I read this 3 years ago (theres a trend going on can you tell??) It also rewired my brain chemistry (from this point on just assume all of these nsfw fics rewired my brain chemistry each of these opened doors for me. This one opened the doors to bottom zoro.) Fucking 20k words of just pwp. I dont even know how the author did that bro like damn. Nature of things by stark_black Tw: Sex work and prostitutes When the Sunny docks, Sanji and Zoro sometimes seek out relief in some not so savory places. After crossing paths in town on more than one occasion, the two find they have a lot more in common than they would like to admit. I hunted this down for like fucking hours a couple of weeks ago because it was that good. Stark_Black has a fucking library worth of zosan fics this one is a classic to me. But if you want more content check out his other fics I think they have like over 100 zosan its kinda insane. Coregasm by Yakarmi

Sanji discovers that sometimes, Zoro has orgasms while he lifts.

-----

“You…” Sanji trailed off, gaze turning down as he licked his lips. Pink tongue darting out nervously. “You orgasm when you exercise?”

Zoro clenched his jaw. Shrugged. Trying to act nonchalant.

“Sometimes.”

Sanji’s eye went wide, and like his mouth had suddenly been liberated from his brain, blurted out, “that’s so fucking hot,” before clamping his hands over his mouth. His cigarette fell from his mouth, bouncing soundlessly on the ground.

Bro bestie, the way this put me on nose bleed Sanji. Perv sanji. I need that gif thats like mmm cause man this is good. Ending this fic rec with a BANG we have

Contingencies and Congruencies by PeaceSignDisasterBi

Somewhere between finishing the bottles of alcohol and mugs of beer, the crew comes together to create a contingency plan for something that may-or-may-not-happen during their time on the Grand Line and beyond. Usopp thinks it's more likely than bumping into zombies, Zoro wants to stay out of this, Sanji is just going with the flow, and Nami may or may not keep things legally binding and above board with consistent consensual acquiescence. Robin finds it all amusing.

The damn chart stays in the locked drawer in her desk, split into three neat categories: Devil Fruit Powers, Science, and Magic. Each represents whatever they're hit with but also categorizes the amount of self-control the person has during.

AKA: 5 times Zoro and Sanji had to help each other as Consensual Helpers of Dubious Consent + 1 Time There Was Nothing Dubious At All

Ok this is 152k long its pretty insane. It regoes over the arcs so throughly so carefully that I literally had to question my memory because I havent experienced alot of these arcs in a while (it's one of the reasons im rewatching one piece). I will say despite how amazing and well written this is I had a hard time comprehending sometimes. now I was sick at the time of reading this so that might be why but sometimes the way things were phrased felt like yoda talking. I think it's just me though. I'm not used to big words :( And thats a wrap!! These arent even all the ones I wanted to include I have at least 20 more off the top of my head but I'll save that for another day. I hope you find joy in these fics Like i did I'll def do another one of these as cause I didnt even touch my sanji centric fics or germa 66 or just in general the best sanji fanfic writers. (Mentioned some of them like 8ball, thousand sunny and donuts and coffee.) Best of luck to yall and let me know what you think!

#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #one piece sanji #vinsmoke sanji #one piece zoro #roronoa zoro #zoro #zosan #one piece zosan #op zosan #zosan fanfic #zosan fic #zosan fic rec #fic rec #one piece fic recs #sanji fic rec #zoro fic rec #8 ball #donutsandcoffee #thanks for stopping by!

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Hi hi!!! I just found your blog and I love how you wrote Astarion. I have a small request if you're still taking them!

Because of Halsin's one line about how his wildshape is hard to repress I have a headcanon that certain druidic animal forms get triggered by certain emotions. So what if a druid Tav was hurt or scared and got stuck in animal form, and Astarion had to calm them down long enough for them to shift back/get healed

Aww, I like this. But some TW: The reason for them being hurt/scared is fucked and involves dead children. I killed off some NPCs for this one (but they live in the real game I swear!) Also set in Act 2, after he confesses. Just so you know! Don't trigger yourself for this.

~

There was a reason that Astarion always tried to convince you to not leave him behind at camp. Mostly because it could be dreadfully boring, doing nothing but sitting there waiting for your return. But also because he didn't like being out of the loop. There had been many moments, too many, where he had been the sole reason you were still standing. Whether that be stabbing someone in the back who held a dagger to your throat or being the one to help you back on your feet from the brink of death, Astarion had gotten very good at keeping you alive.

He didn't trust anyone to watch out for you the way he could, a belief that was instantly strengthened when the group came back. With you nowhere to be seen. It was only Halsin and Shawdowheart, beaten and bloodied as they limped their way forward.

The sight of them had Astarion on his feet in an instant, an awful feeling settling in the pit of his stomach as he waited for you to slink out of the tree line to join them. But nothing.

"Where are they?" Astarion asked, his voice loud and fraught enough to cut through the others questions on what happened, "Why isn't Tav with you?"

Neither of them answered, instead they swapped a knowing grimace. The silence was enough for Astarion's blood to go cold, the worst jumping to the forefront of his mind. B-But that couldn't be. The two in front of him wouldn't just leave her to die, would they? He would hope not, otherwise he'd be forced to bleed them both dry. Astarion was so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even realized how heavily he was breathing, how his hands were trembling at the very thought of your being gone. Your corpse just left behind for the wolves in the cursed Shadowlands.

"Astarion, breathe," Halsin said gently, the behemoth of a man suddenly standing in front of him, his hands gently resting on his shoulders, "I know where they are, they're okay. They just... aren't exactly themselves right now, or at least not the version you know."

"If they're okay then why in the hells aren't they here?" Astarion seethed back at him, swatting his touch away before steeping back, "You just left them out there? Alone?"

"It's not that simple," Halsin started, right as Shadowheart piped up, "Karlach is with her. We aren't that incompetent."

"Well considering that our leader is missing, I wouldn't exactly call you capable," Astarion barked back at her, already turning back towards Halsin, "Take me to them. Now."

The venom in his voice would have surprised Astarion himself if he was capable of thinking about anything but you dead in the middle of nowhere. He barely even had the patience for Halsin to get adequate healing, but it was better than having to wait for him to limp the entire way there. He felt antsy and off center for the entire journey, completely foreign emotions taking over him. He didn't care about people like this, for the precise reason that it led to these horrifying moments of uncertainty. He didn't know what he would do without you anymore. He didn't want to ever find out.

It figures that you would go and almost get yourself killed right after he admitted a portion of his feelings to you. And now everything he wished he'd said was invading his every thought.

"Oh come on now, don't make that face! You know me!"

The sound of Karlach's voice was enough to bring him out of his own head. She was up ahead, kneeling next to a small cave opening as she spoke, "For something so cute, you're being a bit of a pisser right now. Aren't you?"

Astarion didn't miss the bodies littering the way between where he stood and the cave, a mix of homely gnolls and dead tieflings, some that he unfortunately recognized from the grove. He didn't take the time to examine them closely, but... he was aware that many looked young. Much, much too young to have died here.

"There they are," Halsin sighed as Karlach cooed at the cave opening, "They've been in there since we stumbled upon all of... this."

"They've gotten less scratchy at the least," Karlach added, standing up with a stretch, her gaze pointedly avoiding the massacre in front of them, "But they won't stop hissing up a storm. I tried to pull them out by the scruff and almost lost a hand, so I'm thinking we may have to wait this one out."

Astarion ignored her as he got closer to the cave, his eyes widening at what he saw. It was you, or at least he was thought it was. He was well-aware of your druidic abilities and he had seen you polymorph into a ferocious beast many, many times. But never like this. No, you always had a human air about you when you shifted, the reality of your true shelf always shining through your eyes, never without perfect control.

But now, you were cowering in your panther form, your eyes daring back and forth, your coat so covered in blood that it nearly looked like you had been swimming in it. You even hissed at the sight of him of all people, your teeth bared as you backed farther against the cave wall, nothing but pure animal fear and rage behind your eyes.

"It can happen sometimes," Halsin explained with a frown, "Tav is very connected with this form, perhaps too connected. Enough so for it to take over when they're particularly distressed. It used to happen to me even, many, many moons ago. It can take hours to change back, maybe even days. And it can be very... difficult to remember your life outside of instincts."

Well wasn't that just fucking awful? Figures there had to be a drawback to such a powerful advantage. But he'd be damned if he'd leave you out here alone for days. And he doubted that the extra audience would help with anything.

"Leave us," Astarion ordered, his eyes still on you, "I'll find a way to bring them back to camp."

Halsin and Karlach exchanged a glance, obviously weary at the idea. Karlach cleared her throat, "Astarion, I know that the two of you are, um, close, but I don't think you can do anything-"

"Watch me," Astarion said, his words petulant even to his own ears. But he meant it. If anyone could help you through whatever this was, it was going to be him, "If I'm not back before the sun rises feel free to look for me. Now leave."

"But she could kill you on accident! And if my best friend had to wake up to that-" Karlach tried to argue, interrupted by Halsin putting a strong hand on her shoulder, "Just because part of them is lost doesn't mean all of them is. Astarion can handle himself."

Astarion was a bit surprised to receive the druid's support, but he wasn't about to argue over it. He nodded at them, "I'll be fine. Now go, I don't think the crowd is helping with their nerves."

Astarion watched them walk away, only relaxing when they were out of sight. It felt like he could finally breathe again. There you were, safe and sound if not a bit... changed. But he could work with that.

Astarion sat cross-legged to the side of the cave entrance, his voice soft but scolding as he spoke, "'I'll be safe Astarion, don't worry about me Astarion, you're such a little overthinker Astarion.' And now look at you, trapped in a cave with a cat's body. Darling, I think it's high time that you start listening to me."

Astarion hadn't been expecting an answer, but the pitiful little chirp you let out brought a smile to his face. He scooted a bit closer to the entrance, careful not to actually cross the threshold as he spoke, "I'm serious Tav, do you know how horrible it was to see them come back without you? I'd say a punishment would be in order, if you weren't too busy giving it to yourself that is."

Another small, dejected noise, but it sounded closer this time. Astarion glanced at the entrance, smiling when he saw you sitting there on all fours, your tail twitching as you peeked outside. Perhaps it wasn't the wisest thing to do but Astarion slowly brought his hand up, hovering it right in your face while praying that you wouldn't take the chance to bite it off, "It seems like you haven't lost the faculty for understanding language yet. Lick my hand if I'm right."

You did, your large sandpaper tongue gliding over his palm before retreating. You looked... different than before. In a good way, but not a whole way.

"That's a good kitty," Astarion praised, laughing at the way the pet name made your brows scrunch up. Perhaps you weren't fully yourself, but enough of you was there for him to know you'd be getting him back for that little quip, "Oh don't look at me like that. You're the full-grown adult in the body of a glorified housecat."

The little growl you let out at that just made him laugh harder, "A very pretty housecat. Does that help my love?"

You didn't answer. Instead you turned with a huff and retreated back into the cave, your demeanor much more relaxed than before. Relaxed enough for Astarion to venture in there after you. It was a small space, just large enough for a panther to lay and a man to sit. You didn't hiss or growl as he settled in, just watched him with sharp eyes.

Astarion didn't like it. You were usually so tactile with him, always finding reasons for touch, even if they were simple. Standing shoulder to shoulder, intertwining your fingers together, hugs and kisses innocent enough to make Astarion melt. Even in your animal form, not touching you just felt... wrong.

But Astarion also wasn't trying to get mauled. He kept his hands to himself, his head cocked as he stared at you, "Are you honestly going to stay all the way over there? We might be here all night darling, you wouldn't want me to be cold would you?"

Perhaps that was manipulative phrasing, but at least it worked. You shuffled closer, resting your head in his lap while staring up at him with those big eyes.

"See?" Astarion cooed down at you, taking the chance to pet your head, "Isn't that better?"

You didn't answer, instead you closed your eyes, a light purr coursing through you. You really did make an adorable panther, even when your fur was crusted with blood and the tiniest bit of gore. Perhaps you didn't smell that best at the moment, but you sure were cute. You fell asleep there, right in his lap, your body finally fully relaxed.

This wasn't exactly how Astarion intended on spending his night, but there were plenty of worse things. Like having the bury the love of his life for example. Or watching a gnoll tear into their corpse. But luckily enough for him that didn't happen. No, he had you with him, safe and sound. Panther or not, he loved you, and one of these days he would get the courage to admit it out loud. Hopefully sooner than later, considering how easily you could be taken from him.

Astarion hadn't planned on falling asleep with you, but you were so warm, and the sound of your happy purring was nearly hypnotic. The next thing he knew he was out, awaking hours later to a dark cave and a different weight set in his lap. But not an unfamiliar one.

Astarion glanced down, breathing out a sigh of relief when it was you back to normal, seemingly shifting in the middle of the night. You were laying in what seemed to be an extremely uncomfortable position, your cute face smooshed against his leg as you slumbered.

"There you are," Astarion murmured, the quiet sound of his voice still enough to jolt you awake. You blinked your eyes open, sitting up with a start as you frantically looked around.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Everything's okay," Astarion said gently, tugging you back to him, "You just had a little... incident. That's all."

You nodded, the memories from the day seemingly hitting you all at once. He could see the tears start to well up in your eyes as you stared at the ground, "I... I remember the tieflings. We found them too late. And I saw one of those things gnawing on... on Silfy. And another on Mattis and I just... lost it."

Oh gods. Astarion didn't exactly have a soft spot for children, but the thought of seeing one of the ones you had saved, eaten alive was horrifying. Even against the things he had seen.

"Come here love," Astarion murmured, holding his arms out; his heart breaking at the look on your face.

You went to him, nearly collapsing in his arms as you cried into his shoulder, "I didn't save them. I- they were right there. And I didn't save them."

"You can't save everyone," Astarion said as he stroked your hair, "Not every life can be your responsibility. It just can't."

"Why not?" You sniffled, looking up at him with tired eyes, "Why does this have to keep happening? Why can't I do something about it?"

"Because the world wasn't made for people like you," Astarion said honestly, "It is cruel and horrific and it doesn't deserve you. But it needs you anyway. It needs someone who cares, despite everything that proves you shouldn't. And that's not fair, but it's true."

Part of him could scarcely believe such words were even his own, let alone that fact that he believed them. But he did. You couldn't save everyone, no. But that didn't stop the fact that those you could mattered. That your kindness and passion for good did mean something, it meant enough to help hundreds of people. And enough to change him. Astarion would never be the same after meeting you. He didn't want to be, but even if he did the change was irrevocable. Because that's just the effect you had on people. And he felt so damned lucky that he was one of them.

You nodded against him as you let all of your tears out, his words meaningful but not enough to stop the pain completely.

But that was okay. Astarion wasn't going anywhere.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #asks #you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands #tw for kids that do not live #which is not canon #the kids mentioned can very much live in game #but drama #gender neutral tav

[bananastarion]

Rambling headcanons about how Astarion's trauma could manifest in your relationship.

Disclaimer: I am not fetishizing trauma or PTSD here. I have C-PTSD myself, and have dated others with it as well. So some of this is (loosely) inspired by my own experiences. It's not pretty, it's not fun, but I'd say it's pretty realistic. So yeah, fair warning! Anyway, let's gooooo

Astarion isn't fazed by much, but he IS claustrophobic- having to claw your way out of your own coffin, being trapped in a mindflayer pod and being trapped in a tomb for a year straight would do that to anyone. If he is ever unfortunate enough to be stuck in a small space again, he'll go into a blind panic. He'll hyperventilate and try to force his way out any way he can, and if he can't get out in time he'll just completely mentally shut down for a bit. If you plan to pull him into a little broom closet for a sneaky fuck, just forget it ok? You will probably get your eyes accidentally clawed out.

There is a long period in your relationship where Astarion is gradually getting more comfortable with being vulnerable around you, but he's also very self-conscious about it. He doesn't want you to pity him or think he's weak. You will be tempted to give him lots of validation and praise to make up for all of the psychological abuse he endured, to reassure him that he's finally safe and free, and that you love him for more than just his body. That his problems won't ever drive you away, and that you don't judge him. He appreciates your words deeply, he wants and needs them more than he cares to admit. But at the same time, they completely overwhelm him. Finally being in a good place with a caring partner is such a stark contrast to what he's been through, that it forces him to see even deeper into the void inside him and recognize just how badly he was treated, how deprived he's been. They hit him hard in both good and bad ways, and sometimes he'll tell you to stop because he just can't handle feeling so much right now. It's best to stick to mostly surface level stuff and ease carefully into the deeper, more meaningful observations.

The sweeter your words, the more his mind races with fears that you are idealizing him and eventually you'll come to see him for what he really is- and then abandon him. Fears that he'll come to depend on your kindness only for it to be ripped away, whether by you or by circumstances beyond his control. Fears that you don't really mean it, that you're just manipulating him the way he did to others. Deep down he hopes and trusts you're sincere, but it's just so hard to accept when Cazador's voice is in his head, countering all of it. This is all so new to him, so unknown. And the unknown is terrifying. He gets frustrated that your kindness does this to him, he wants to be able to embrace your words, he's so impatient to heal and finally be over this shit already. He judges himself so harshly for still struggling with all this. Cazador's dead, he is free, he has someone who truly loves him- why isn't that enough?! Why can't he fully appreciate it, is he just going to feel broken forever? He worries he'll take too long to get over his past, and you'll get tired of it and leave. Expect to give him lots of reassurance about all of this.

He doesn't like to cry around you, but over time you will lower his guard enough that he'll stop fighting back the tears quite so much. Sometimes it's a bad dream, sometimes you say something that just hits him hard (even if it's in a good way), and sometimes he has no idea what triggered it. You tell him he can wake you up any time if he needs you, but often he chooses not to wake you and just suffers through it alone. When it happens while you're both awake, at first he would roll over and face away from you when the tears started flowing if he couldn't collect himself, and you'd just hug him from behind. But eventually he feels comfortable enough to bury his face in your chest and just let it all out. When it's really bad, he'll be trembling and hugging you so tightly as he sobs into your shirt that it's almost hard for you to breathe. The best thing you can do is just be there with him, stroke his hair, caress the tears off his cheeks. It can be dicey, but eventually you learn to read him well enough that sometimes stroking the scars on his back very gently can be healing for him. There are other times though, when this will be too much for him. Same goes for kissing. Also, don't even think about telling anyone you've seen him like this. But of course, why would you?

Don't go into therapist mode with him when he's that vulnerable, and if he decides to talk, just let him talk. Hold space for him and be there with him. Afterwards, help ground him in the present and reconnect him to his senses by pointing out things in the room, remind him that it's not all happening to him right now. Realize how special it is that he feels safe enough with you to be so vulnerable. There are times when he even breaks down during sex, and he'll say that he's fine and you can keep going, but it's for the best to stop what you're doing and check in instead. He often dissociates when he's triggered, and doesn't realize something is wrong until it's too late.

Trauma isn't always pretty, and there are times when it does strain your relationship. When he's really triggered, he might take it out on you. He'll try his best to push you away, and say terrible things he doesn't mean. Perhaps things Cazador said to him. His articulate manner of speech can be sharper than his blade when wielded against you in the heat of the moment. He doesn't believe you can love this side of him, that he is fundamentally broken and unlovable, so it's a test of sorts to prove his own fears. He doesn't necessarily realize what he's doing, he's just lashing out from a point of pure fear. Trauma is an explanation for this behavior, but not an excuse, so it's important you set very firm and consistent boundaries when he gets like this. He might not appreciate it in the moment, but he will once he calms down.

It takes some time for him to feel truly secure with you, but he's getting there. In the meantime, he's starting to get a little clingy and codependent. He's not used to having so much freedom, and doesn't always know what to do with himself when you're not around. Being in your presence is when he's closest to feeling safe and at ease, and being apart for too long can cause his mind to race, especially when he has nothing to distract himself with. It drives him crazy that it gets to him so much- he's never been dependent on anyone before, and this side of him surprises himself. He hates it, which only stresses him out more. He tries to play it off, but it's very obvious he is struggling with separation anxiety. You don't want to overindulge him, but to ease his fears you decide to get a pair of magical rings. You can make each other's rings glow whenever you want- so if Astarion is feeling lonely, he can make your ring glow and you can make his glow back. Sometimes, just that is enough to get him through a rough day without you. Once he has done some more healing, eventually he will come to enjoy his alone time in a way he's never gotten to before in his life, and as much as you enjoy spending time with him, you'll be so happy for him to finally have that.

#astarion #headcanons #baldur's gate 3 #astarion/tav

[cosmicbyeol]

𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙤 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 : 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 “𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨”

take this however it resonates.

calm down and take deep breaths.

♥︎ pile 1. on my mama – victoria monét

if you’ve been looking in the mirror lately and feeling down about your looks then go buy something you feel good in. whether it be a new accessory or a whole new outfit. or new makeup if you wear any. you deserve to feel good about yourself. go and treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or something new to go with your favorite outfit. 

not gonna lie you’ve been floating from being humble to knowing you look good sometimes. a bit of back and forth. and there’s honestly nothing wrong with that. I’m not getting a vain drop of energy but if you don’t keep that balance it might become a problem for you. 

if you’re feeling iffy about yourself during these times, then I think self-exploration is important. find all the things you like about yourself. write them down in your journal or even on sticky notes and put them where you can see them. tape them or stick them on your mirror. I know it can seem silly looking at them in the mornings  or whenever you’re in the bathroom but it helps.  I know you probably hear and see this a lot but it works a bit. if you see them everyday it could help you.

if you feel like you need a glow up of sorts, even a small one you can do it. you have the power to do it. you have the strength and power to manifest and push through it. you can do anything you set your mind too. just don’t change or wish for too much. you might want to change everything about you, but I think you’re fine. like fine fine…

I think this also about a self love journey. falling in love with yourself is important. learning about yourself is a key element in this!! you might be blessed with “looks” that you honestly don’t see. people might tell you look good all the time and sometimes you feel like they’re lying to you. 

there might be someone by you that’s jealous?? I don’t want to fully say jealous but envious?? that’s an even worse word… but I mean if the shoe fits. they might still want to be friendly with you but there���s something in them that’s not willing to let the feeling go fully. they want that feeling to disappear but it always seem to surface. they give you backhanded complements all the fucking time. they might be younger than you.  

but I think that stepping back and looking into yourself and getting to know yourself is your best bet. 

♥︎ pile 2. nymphology –melanie martinez

you might’ve just ended a relationship, it could be a platonic, romantic, or even familial. or you may feel like it’s coming to an end or you’re wondering if you should leave. they could be a selfish person or someone who puts you down backhandedly. they could’ve been there with you through some things, so you opening your eyes could make you see this end as your last straw.

you need to go out and treat yourself. if you’re strapped for money maybe have a little spa day at home for yourself. “be the manic pixie dream girl that you fucking ought to be”. I don’t think this is mostly about treating yourself to material things though. I think it’s about treating yourself how you deserve to be treated, fairly and right.

you also might be obsessed with being a muse, or just having someone who sees you in a light. I think without it you feel a little empty inside. damaged even. I think having someone like that makes you think everything is fixed. you’ve realized this and I think you’re trying to understand yourself and your feelings.

after realizing this you’ll start to see things in a new light. you won’t be in the dark anymore. maybe in the shade, but not complete in the dark or in the sun. this really has changed you. I think going out and going on stupid little adventures, or even big adventures doing what you love could really help. go do your favorite things. it’ll be healing.

although this person might’ve really hurt you, I think you’ll always have a place in your heart for them. you won’t regret the feelings you felt for them, but at the same time you want to return the hurt. look… I’m not necessarily condoning violence ( cause I’m not ) but a little karma will be put in place. all I have to say is the bridge of nymphology. maybe not the violence part though. we’re not trying to go to jail!!

I mentioned this earlier but doing things you love can really shift your heart and mentality. I’m getting a sense that you couldn’t really indulge into yourself like this when you were with this person. I think you can finally enjoy these things in peace. this could in turn bring new opportunities for you and more good things.

I know you all probably don’t care about music and stuff but that moment of silence after the bridge of this song. the way that it builds up to the last chorus of the song just tugs a string for me. you know? I know it’s probably the same like the other parts of the song with minor differences but it just feels different somehow to me. like it feels like finally bursting through and being free, like running and smiling after the storm and just feeling the sun on you.

♥︎ pile 3. funkfest – grouptherapy.

I think people might be coming at you unprovoked. in all honesty. for no reason. you might have some umph to you, that they feel threatened by. you need to bring your dreams and aspirations to the light so you can pursue them. you have the strength and power to do so. 

something like a argument or a continuing tussle is making you feel like this. maybe there’s trust issues or you’re questioning their love or at least their loyalty. you may be basing your worth on their actions or if they actually have an answer for you. I think you’re honestly fed up with it at this point and you’re wanting an answer or a at least the truth. 

to help with getting back up or on track is to just stop and look at your surroundings. go with the flow and don’t really think about things to hard unless it’s super important. just sit back and take everything in. go to a park and enjoy the outdoors ( with some sunscreen and proper sun protection!! )

there might be money or even new people coming into your life. new people who are actually supportive and that will care about you. they won’t be there for vain reasons or have ulterior motives. these people will make you feel good again. they won’t let you or make you feel like you need to question them. 

these people or person that made you feel like shit probably aren’t right for you. and they might have or will do something that feels horrible. it’ll probably be the last straw for you. you’ll definitely know the answers to the questions you’ve been asking after this. you might not want to face this. you can’t believe it. you don’t want to. this might make you shut off, your emotions and your communications with others. 

while potentially shutting off you sit and wonder what should you do. I feel like you’ve built your life around them and don’t have anyone else or anything else to do. I think finding a routine or maybe even some classes you could go to by yourself could be the move. something that can get you out and about by yourself. I don’t really think you’re that comfortable being by yourself for long periods of time. if you’re not quite ready going out by yourself then try staying at home and learning a new hobby.  

#pac #tarot pac #tarot #free tarot #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a card #pick an image #a reading no one asked for!! #pac 16

[i-thirsty-boi]

Platonic Yandere Metkayina Family X Human Child Reader Part 3

~Hey! I know this took me a while to do, but now that a new semester is started I actually have motivation to write consistently. So, I should be posting a bit more frequently now! Anyway, on a side note, I'm not sure if it was obvious, but Ronal isn't pregnant in this story. Mostly because I think it would be too challenging to write an infant into this storyline.

Masterlist

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

CW: yandere behavior (platonic), protective behavior, near drowning, fall risk

~

-It had taken you about two more days to feel almost completely better. But your family was still babying you… a lot. 

-And you were getting VERY frustrated with it. 

-Sure, you liked all of the attention. However, you wanted to move around on your own now that you were feeling better, not be in a wrap!

It was just after breakfast, and your mom was trying to put you in the wrap to take you with her. And you were not having it. You were groaning and sinking to the floor to delay going into the wrap. 

Ronal was kneeling on the ground in front of you, trying to get you into the wrap so she could take you with her, and was bewildered by how you were acting. She had never seen you act like this, granted she hadn’t known you very long either. But that wasn’t the point! The point was she didn’t know why you were so upset about the wrap, when you’ve never complained about it before. 

-She tried one more time to pick you up and put you in the wrap. And you just dropped straight onto the floor and started crying. Loudly. 

-Ronal just frowned and sat down fully in front of you, picking you up into her arms and rubbing your back to try to calm you down. 

-You had thrown your head back already by the time she asked you what was wrong. 

-You just gasped before spitting out that you didn’t wanna be in the wrap anymore since you felt better. 

-As soon as Ronal heard this, the meltdown made sense. She untied the wrap from herself before fully picking you up to take you with her. Luckily, you were calming down by then and wrapped your arms around her neck. 

-She turned to look at the rest of her family, who she had forgotten were there to witness that, and gave them a reassuring look before making her way to her healing tent. In the end, she wasn’t surprised that a small child would want to move around a lot more after recovering from an illness. 

As she was walking, she looked down at you to see you fast asleep, and she just kissed your head while continuing on her way. She also felt your feet swinging against her sides, making her smile, but only a little bit. 

It didn’t take her long to make it there, and set you down on what might as well be your personal cushion at that point. And she set down her human medicine bag and got out the thermometer, putting it in your mouth without disturbing you. And when she took it out, she was pleased and relieved to see it say 98, the correct temperature for you. She smiled and calmly sat by you and mixed together more balms and salves. 

At one point a new mother of the clan came in to talk, and asked to set her baby on the cushion next to you, which Ronal allowed. And it was adorable to see an infant that was about half your size next to you. The woman commented on you not looking so bad anymore, and that she had heard you were sick and was glad you looked like you felt better. 

-Ronal smiled and said that you definitely felt better, if the fit you threw to escape the wrap this morning had anything to say about it. She laughed with the other woman, who said her baby had done the same thing this morning as well. 

-Although it wasn’t long until the infant woke up and started crying, waking you up as well. You were confused, but quickly woke up, and picked them up with you as you sat up. You rocked the both of you until the baby had calmed down. 

-You looked to the side once they stopped crying to see your mother and another woman looking at you and the baby. They each had a very soft look on their face, which you figured was because of you calming down the baby. 

-You looked back down at the baby again to see them staring up at you, then they reached up and put their hand on your face. You smiled at them before their mother took them from you and into her arms. Your mother doing the same with you. 

-You looked up at her to see her smiling down at you, and you smiled back. Then, she got a weird, far off, look on her face. You just scrunched your nose at her and looked over as the mother and her baby were leaving. 

-She was only loosely cradling you in her lap, so you rolled onto the ground in front of your mother and made your way over to grab your craft basket. Then you went and sat on your favorite cushion, which was next to where your mother did her healing duties daily. 

Ronal had finally seemed to come out of her daze as you started weaving some shells into an anklet for yourself. She made her way over to her station and gathered the things she needed to make more of most of her healing pastes and salves, then sat down right next to your cushion. And the both of you worked on your separate activities for the better part of two hours. 

By the time she looked at what you were doing, you were finishing up a second anklet for yourself. And once you truly finished it, you looked over at Ronal and asked her if she could put both of them on you. She, of course, said yes. Then gently grabbed your legs and tied each anklet securely, but not too tight, around each of your ankles. Once she was done, you got up and walked around in the hut, smiling at the shells clinking together as you walked. 

-Ronal was watching you enjoy yourself with a small smile on her face, happy that you can create accessories that you enjoy. 

-Though her thoughts were interrupted by Neytiri walking through the entrance of the hut. Ready to get more lessons of the metkayina way of life from Ronal. 

-Neytiri had seen you, now, skipping around the hut. In your own little world. And she just lightly scowled at you. She knew you were a sweet little kid, but her opinion of humans in general dampened her reactions to you. 

-She just quietly made her way over to Ronal and sat down to help her finish making the pastes and salves. Keeping a distrustful eye on you the entire time. 

-The novelty eventually wore off for you and you went back over to your mother and plopped down in her lap. Looking over at the darker woman with curious eyes. Though you quickly looked away from the, almost, nasty look she gave you. 

-You just settled against your mother and looked around the hut, and before you knew it, you were being carried out of the hut and slightly into the water before being set down. 

-You knew she was going to be teaching the forest woman their way of life, and that included the breathing techniques they had already taught you. 

You were gently set into the water next to your mother and started slowly swimming around the two women. Both women keeping watch over you. Your mother to make sure you were safe, and Neytiri because she didn’t trust you. And you were ignoring it to actually swim around like you wanted to. 

Ronal had been teaching the breathing technique to Neytiri for a couple days at that point, and she had done well and just needed to push herself to stay under for longer. So, as soon as you dove under the surface of the water, Ronal had done the same with Neytiri. 

She had been guiding her through the reefs under the water while also making sure she could still see you. They had been swimming and communicating in simple sign for about five minutes before she saw you swimming towards the surface to get some air. She made sure you made it there without issue and started diving back down again before she moved her attention back to the forest woman. Though instead of you going off on your own among the reef, you swam to her and wrapped your arms around her neck. She just turned and kissed your cheek before continuing to guide Neytiri around the reefs. 

She just continued swimming while gently dragging you with her while trying to teach Neytiri. Though as soon as they had made it to a spot with a large amount of glowing coral, your favorite area to swim around in, you had let go of her and swam to gently touch the coral. Which glowed brighter at your touch, which is why it was your favorite. 

-You had been entertaining yourself with the coral while your mother and the woman from the forest continued swimming around you. 

-Though when you turned your back towards the coral to sign to your mother that you were going to swim to the surface, Neytiri was right in front of you swimming to the surface as well and accidentally pushed you into the coral behind you by your chest. 

-You had the breath knocked out of you, and that made you inhale some water. Your chest hurt and you started panicking. 

-You looked around for your mother and desperately gestured her to bring you to the surface. She noticed your panic right away and quickly grabbed you and rushed to the surface. Though you were just focusing on not giving in to the urge to cough. 

-As soon as your head was above the water you began violently coughing up water. You had your head hanging over your mother’s shoulder as you coughed, your chest rattling from the force of them. 

-You were clinging to your mother’s shoulders, and she was gently patting your back to help you get all the water out of your lungs. It had taken you about seven full minutes of coughing and gasping for breath before you winded down and slumped against your mom. 

-You two had bolted to the surface, and a couple minutes into your coughing fit, Neytiri had surfaced. And her attention was immediately captured by your distress. Her ears perked and her pupils dilated. She may not like humans, but she was concerned for you. Especially as a mother herself. 

-Though as soon as you completely stopped coughing, Ronal turned to Neytiri and let loose some scathing words for her about accidentally shoving you under the water. Though she did notice the darker woman’s ears droop down while being scolded. 

-Once she was done talking and had calmed down, Neytiri came a bit closer to apologize and check if you were okay. You just glanced at her and nodded before drifting off to sleep in your mother’s arms. 

-And after that, their session of lessons ended for that day. Both of the women made their way to the shore and went their separate ways for the day. 

-Neytiri was sulking while making her way back to their marui, and Ronal was power walking to her own marui. 

Once she got to her marui, she walked in and briefly set you in their sleeping space before tying the wrap on her and put you in it on her front, facing her. She began rubbing your back while walking around her home and gathering things to make a snack for you to eat once you woke up. Though as she was finishing putting the snack together for you, her older child Tsireya had walked into the marui. 

She seemed to be confused about what her mother was doing in their marui at this time of day, and came closer to see her making some food with you actually in the wrap. She came up to her mother and put her hand on your back, concerned because of some rumbling happening in your chest as you breathed. She looked up at her mother’s face and got a look that said she’d get an explanation later. 

Though it didn’t take you very long to wake up again, and immediately start coughing again. You didn’t even register the two women in your family fussing over you while you were in your small coughing fit. You were more focused on the small dribbles of water coming out of your mouth after being forced from your lungs. You stopped after only about two minutes, and pushed your cheek against the side of your mothers arm, verging on her shoulder. So, that must mean you were put in the wrap while you slept. You could only stare at the water, combined with spit, running down your mother’s arm. You then mumbled a ‘sorry’ as you laid against your mom's body. 

-Ronal just shook her head and started rubbing your back again. Before taking the snack and walking over to sit down and start feeding you the food. 

-She looked down at the water dripping down her arm, concerned about how much water is still in your lungs considering how much you coughed up so far. 

-Meanwhile, Tsireya only had an idea of what had happened to you, but was very concerned nonetheless. Still lightly patting your back. 

Both of them had sat down on the floor and took turns feeding you small bites of the cut up fruit Ronal got for you. You chewed them slowly, until they were all gone. And by the end you felt a lot better. You had started squirming a bit to get taken out of the wrap, which you were glad your mother didn’t hesitate to do that time. Though you still chose to sit in her lap and continue cuddling up to her.

Meanwhile Neytiri had made it to her family’s marui and had curled up on the ground and started sulkingly weaving a new top for her oldest daughter. And while she was doing that her mate had come in and sat down next to her after noticing her sullen mood. He waited a few moments waiting for her to talk, but sighed and asked what was wrong. Neytiri just heavily sighed and buried her head in her knees before saying that she had accidentally hurt the little human child earlier that day. Jake’s ears folded down a little bit and he asked how she had done that. So, she told him about the diving she had done that day, and how she had accidentally shoved the child into a wall of coral under the water. And how hard you had been coughing up water, and how Ronal had chewed her out for it. 

Jake just winced as he saw his wife’s tail curl even more into her body and her ears curl down harshly. He just put a hand on her shoulder and assures her that as long as it was an accident and she apologizes to you, she shouldn’t worry too much about this situation. 

She glances up at Jake while still resting her face on her knees to see if he was joking or not, and found the look in his eyes to be sincere. She sighed again and leaned against his chest as she said she would apologize again before dinner that evening. Jake smiled and kissed her head before saying that that was a great idea and would probably mean a lot to you.

-Meanwhile, you were getting coddled for the rest of the day, especially after your mom told your sister what had happened during the dive that day. 

-And then they roped your dad and brother into it too. 

-So now you were being babied like you were sick again. And it annoyed you so much. 

-During the lunch your family had, you were sat on your brother’s lap and your sister insisted on feeding you your food. You had huffed and tried to grab your plate from her but quickly gave up. 

-And after that your dad had picked you up and carried you with him while he went to teach Jake Sully. Who you waved at once you saw him. And he waved right back at you. 

-You guys would just be wading in the shallow waters while Jake was learning more of the sign language from your dad. You weren’t really paying attention as you swam around both of their legs, deciding to cling to one of Jake’s legs after circling him a couple times. 

-He just chuckled and lifted you above his head from under your armpits, and briefly threw you in the air above him, easily catching you as well. 

-You gasped when he threw you, but quickly broke down in giggles when he caught you. You had never had someone do that to you, but you loved it. You immediately asked him to do it again, and maybe higher. 

-He just kept smiling and prepared to throw you into the air again. But prepared to throw you higher by lowering you to his chest level in front of him before launching you up in the air. You laughed the whole way up, which was pretty high because of how light you were to him, and starfished out in the air while you were falling. Easily being caught again. 

-But this time he brought you to his chest to hold you properly. He leaned closer to you and brought a hand up to whisper that Neytiri felt bad and was gonna apologize to you again later in the day. And you just smiled at him and copied his hand motion to whisper back that you already forgave her, because it was obviously an accident. 

-He smiled at you again before noticing the mildly panicked and angry look on Tonowari’s face. He turned you around to face him and motioned like he was going to throw you. 

-Tonowari rapidly got the hint and put his arms out in front of him to catch you. And this time Jake threw you in a big arc to your dad. You were laughing and clinging to his arms when he caught you. And he just had a relieved smile while turning to Jake and asking how he knew you would like that. 

-Jake laughed and said most human children loved it. And that all of his children had loved it when they were small enough for it. 

-Tonowari was curious and looked down at you sitting in the crook of one of his arms, and you were still smiling. But once you noticed that he was looking at you, you excitedly asked if he could throw you just as high. Maybe even higher. 

-He nervously smiled before saying that he probably could, and gently brought you in front of him. Though he looked over at Jake and motioned him over to his side with his head. And he wanted to ask him how to do what he did. 

-Jake said he could do some tiny tosses to get used to the motions before doing bigger throws. He then looked at you and said, “You wouldn’t mind that, right Y/N?” To which you vigorously nodded. 

Tonowari sighed before lifting you up above his head and lightly tossing you up in the air a couple times to get the hang of it. He got more confident each time because of your delighted giggles. You caught your breath as he lowered you to be in front of him so he could throw you higher. And he did that a couple times as well, you being launched at least 10 feet up each time. 

And it wasn’t long before he was very comfortable with the activity and prepared to throw you up as high as he felt comfortable with. You were being dangled at his thigh level before being absolutely launched into the air. You probably went almost 60 feet up since your dad put a lot of strength into it. You just heavily breathed with a huge smile and wide eyes while stalling in the air at the peak height. 

Unfortunately, this is when your mother showed up at the shore beside the men. And she let out a panicked shriek when she saw you up so high in the air. Though she was left to stand there watching in horror as you started plummeting, in her point of view, towards the two men just standing there. She started rushing to be in range to catch you as she heard you laughing while falling, though she didn’t register it. She was a step away when you landed safely in her mate’s arms, though she collided with his side as you devolved into hysterical giggles. She also ended up knocking the four of you over into the water, though she had snatched you out of your dad’s arms and held you up above the water so you couldn’t accidentally inhale it again. 

As soon as she sat up in the water she was checking you over for any injuries. Though you just continued laughing and hugged her neck as you told her about your new favorite activity. She barely noticed the two men sputtering as they also sat up in the water and looked over at the woman who was clutching you for dear life. 

-She turned to the two of them and asked them why they had thought that was a good idea. 

-Tonowari quickly defended himself by saying he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t think he could catch you. And he pointed out that you loved it. Though he said that if he threw you that high in the future, and he will, that he would do it in an area with deep water that would break your fall and prevent you from getting hurt. 

-She just blew air out of her nose before turning a sharp look to Jake. 

-He put his hands up in front of him and said that he knew most human children loved that, and that his children had loved that as well. Plus, he taught Tonowari how to do it properly to make sure you were safe. 

-She ended up shaking her head before saying that if you ever got hurt from them doing that, she would beat them. 

-Both men winced and said they would with drooped ears and tucked tails. She was very intimidating, even with you perched at her ribcage. 

-And with that, she said that it was time to prepare dinner, so they needed to come out of the water anyway. She had originally come to get them. 

-They just watched her walk away with you before making eye contact and wincing again. And they just started silently walking to the shore. 

-Though Ronal didn’t have a chance to calm down before Neytiri came up to her and asked to speak with you. She was about to hiss at the woman before you said okay and wiggled to be let down. Ronal just scowled before gently setting you down. 

-You walked to be in front of the woman, and she kneeled down to be somewhat close to your height. 

-She then briefly looked at Ronal before looking you in your eyes and very sincerely apologizing to you. Saying how it was an accident and she would never, ever want to hurt you. Plus, she was sorry for being distrustful of you, she was just wary of all humans at first. 

-You blinked up at her before slowly hugging her around her neck. You then told her that you forgive her and that it was fine that she didn’t trust you at first, because you knew most humans on this planet were terrible. 

-She was shocked that you hugged her, but she slowly wrapped her arms around you as well. And said thank you once you were done speaking. 

-She gave you a last squeeze when she saw the impatient look the other woman was giving her. And watched you skip back over to Ronal and make grabby hands to be picked up. 

-This time she parted ways with you two with a small smile. Making her way to her own children. 

-You were resting your head on your mom’s shoulder while she was making her way to where her older children were waiting for her and her husband. 

-Though she had to tell them that he would be a bit behind them as they were doing something reckless with you. 

-Both of them were concerned hearing that and asked what their dad was doing with you that was so dangerous. 

-Ronal just sighed and set you down before walking closer to her older children and telling them what she had seen. You, very high up in the air after being thrown by Tonowari. Ao’nung and Tsireya just gasped and made eye contact with each other. 

-Though their attention was grabbed by their dad joining them, and you running up to him and asking to be tossed. 

Tonowari saw the looks the rest of his family was giving him, but chose to ignore them. He lifted you up and held you up above him and tossed you a little bit up in the air a couple times in a row, almost bouncing you in the air. And you were just giggling before asking him to toss you higher. And he smiled before lowering you a little bit to give you some more air time, securely catching you each time. Though he set you down once he caught the sharp look his wife was giving him. 

Though his other children were looking at the activity almost in wonder. They would never say it out loud, but it looked fun. They were almost jealous, but seeing you having fun was enough for them. Their attention was, once again, captured by the Sully family coming up and joining them. The other kids sat down around you and your siblings, who also just noticed that you sat down in front of them. And the adults went to help finish the dinner and bring it back to their children. 

Though you took the opportunity to go up to Neteyam and reach up and ask if he can toss you. Neteyam just looked down at you before making eye contact with your siblings. They just shrugged, but you got frustrated and started slapping at his legs. He smiled and rolled his eyes before putting his hands under your arms and lightly throwing you as he stood up. You laughed as he easily caught you. But you grabbed his arms to ask how he knew how to do it right. 

-Neteyam blinked down at you, before saying that his dad taught him when Tuk was born because he was trusted. 

-Though your brother got pretty jealous and went over to tell him to teach him how to throw you. 

-You got snatched into the arms of your brother and held out in front of him while he demanded Neteyam teach him how to do the throwing you thing properly. 

-Though Ao’nung scowled when he was only told to throw you straight up, not in any other direction, and to practice the motion of catching you. 

-So, he held you up how he had seen the other boy and his dad doing, and lightly tossed you into the air. Though he was thankful that you made it so easy to catch you each time, along with your joyful laughs. 

-And he made the mistake of getting distracted when he had started tossing you up higher. He had seen the other forest boy, Lo’ak, sit down next to his sister Tsireya and briefly turned his head to scowl at him. 

-Though in the time that his head was turned, you had started falling and were going down past his shoulders by the time he was paying attention again. Though as soon as he was catching you in a panic, you had almost hit the ground. And he had just managed to get a hold of you before your head hit the sand, and quickly brought you up to his chest to wait to see how you would react. 

-But he breathed a sigh of relief that you didn’t start crying. You were just wide eyed, clutching him, and catching your breath. Though he insisted that no one told the adults, and got nods from everyone in return. 

-And everyone breathed a sigh of relief once they were all situated somewhere and the adults came back with food for everyone. 

-And you stayed on your brother’s lap as you were handed food, and were happily eating it on your own, with someone looking at you to check on you every once in a while. 

-Though as you all were going to sleep that night, snuggled together, none of you could think that things would change how they did soon after that.

(To be continued)

Tags: @eywas-heir , @ratchetprime211 , @konniebon , @thehoneymushroomhealer , @tulipatheticee , @msluccapotato ,

#platonic yandere #awotw x child reader #awotw x reader #child reader #yandere #aonung #tonowari #ronal #tsireya