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#it's literally hanging off the guitar
starlooove · 9 months
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When will Joseph be back from the war
#ignore canon ok#he’s literally in his apartment painting to shitty retro music rn#his living room and bathroom are extremely meticulous and organized but the rest of it is just wow#and It’s not dirty he dusts daily he loves a good candle doesn’t even have a trash can in his room bc he doesn’t like having trash in there#It’s just cluttered bc sometimes inspo doesn’t hit in his alloted art space it hits in the kitchen and he’s gotta drag everything there#but then he sees a cute bird by the window and he abandons everything in the kitchen and just restarts next to the window#but oh he just heard a cool ass quote from the tv he always forgets to turn off and he needs to paint the scene in his head so let’s go#when he’s finished with his painting he’ll offer to hang it up for his neighbor#she’s an old lady who’ll knit him sweaters and tell him stories about her family in exchange for a painting or a song#he has a shitty guitar thats fucked up and out of tune but he loves it and she loves it so it’s ok#rose tries to convince him to get rid of or at least replace it during her weekly visits but he refuses everytime#‘look at her little old face. she will be so sad if I get rid of it Rosie :(‘#rose will not give up#Joey has a little canvas in the corner of his painting area with its own set of paints and little to no clutter around it for when Dick-#-let’s him babysit Damian. they always pick a theme. they always get sidetracked. it’s so so so much fun#they’ll have 3 unfinished paintings between the two of them and a flower on a sticky note or smth by the time Damian has to go#Idk man dc bring him back NEOW I have so much money to give u :D
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smelliewilliams · 1 month
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━━ wellie elliams
pairings : streamer!ellie williams x reader
warnings : use of yn, mentions of using weed/nic, lowkey self inserted uhh, more focus on ellie than ellie x reader
cr : @idontgetanysleep & @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
a/n : guys i really enjoyed doing this, had a thought of ellie's reactions to read fics about her, her edits (esp with the ai audios, shout out to akemi, i love her) & fan arts
DAILY CLICK
DONT BUY TLOU
WAYS TO HELP PALESTINE
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👾 starts off doing streaming just for fun & thinks to herself that no one’s gonna watch it until people actually enjoy watching her play.
🎮 definitely play minecraft and would argue with KIDS on roblox and get competitive with them while playing.
🕹️ OBSESSED WITH FORTNITE LITERALLY A FUNDRAISER TO FORTNITE
👾 definitely would say this "i can cook, clean and carry you on fortnite" to flirt with girls
🎮 she definitely has a cat(s) and people would always want it on the stream
🕹️ i can totally see her raging while playing valorant lolll and would definitely waste money on the skins too.
“okay chat, should i buy it? nah, im just gonna buy it” the chat floods with saying no but will she listen to you guys? no. “okay, i just bought it! watch my aim get better chat” her aim DOES NOT get any better lol but at least the skins are pretty!!
👾 she’s surely shy at first and won’t show her face, hell even her hands !! she just shows what she's playing and just talk
🎮 would try to be social with her “fans” as much as possible cause she likes to hang out with them.
🕹️ would do a face reveal after she hit the milestone!! and people would go CRAZYYYYY. i mean who wouldn’t, right? it’s ellie williams!!!
👾 she probably would be active on twitter more and sometimes on tiktok and rarely on instagram (just to update story and her feed)
🎮 tweet the most unhinged things YET doesn’t get cancelled because somehow all of her tweets are kind of relateable…
🕹️ other than streaming her gameplay she would definitely do some reaction, play her guitar and sing, reviewing things that are so useless & stupid
👾 talking about reactions, SHE WOULD TOTALLY REACT TO THE EDITS, ART AND FICS ABOUT HER (she thought it was funny and some of the fics are BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN)
smelliewilliams : OH NO SHE KNOWS iloveellie69 : uhh yall better hide !!!! livelaughloveellie : ellie pls dont react to it 😇 simpforels : FOR YR OWN SANITY!! “chat, you’re going crazy” she scoffed. few minutes later… “oh wow, that sure is something! haha uhm…” "the technology is getter scary, how does she makes it sounds like me. like does that not sound like me actually saying it?? it's really impressive" her reacting one of the edits with ai audios that sounds like her “YALL ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD AT DRAWING”
🎮 she appreciates all of your edits, fics and arts! would totally do friday fanarts or something like tom felton would do lol!
🕹️ people BEG her to do vlogs, cause it would be fun and silly vlogs!
👾 her music taste is 👩‍🍳 💋, source? trust me bro.
🎮 people would want her to do a room tour cause somehow she keeps her room clean & tidy but also a really cool room
🕹️ small lights >>>>>> big lights
👾 people would be shocked if they knew how smart ellie is 😭 a major nerd if you ask me ! there's no doubt that she starts to share some fun facts that she knows & takes some online quizzes to prove that she's smart
🎮 would totally go on omegle and just troll or make new friends
🕹️ that is where she met you !!
you were bored one night and decided to go on omegle just for fun and you met her there. although ellie's platform is big, she still doesn't know half of the influencers or streamers so her chat goes CRAZY when she sees you and is like matchalvr : OMG IS TGAT YN ???? smelliewilliams : ELLIE YOURE SO LUCKY justanormalgirl : MY TWO WORLDS COLLIDING “wait a second, are you yn?” she asked ”that’s me” “why is my chat going crazy about you?” her eyes scanned the chatroom. “hold on, you do streaming too?”
👾 started to play with you more and she would occasionally join your stream and support you there if she can't play (since the timezone sucks)
🎮 people start shipping you two and one-day ellie liked an edit of you and her (which is super hot and the audio is boaf? BOAF!! , pls get what i mean 😢) and the fandom went insane
🕹️ the two of you started to get close and plan to meet each other sometime in the future
👾 LOL WOULD TOTALLY DO THE “when the gc makes it to the hang out” TIKTOK, the gc is being JUST the two of you 😭
🎮 she would either have an energy drinks, juice or water on her table.
🕹️ her sleep schedule is FUCKED UP, that’s explaining her dark circle & eyebags.
👾 love when people greet her at public place, she just love meeting her fans
🎮 oh im pretty sure she goes to the twitch con (?) thingy and would probably go with you as your date hehehehehehehhehehehe
🕹️ have figurines and legos displayed in her room
👾 super open about her using weed & nicotine (to sleep)
🎮 is open minded and an open book
🕹️ would do "my anons dark secrets confession" thingy
👾 OH SHE WOULD DO ASMR FOR FUN & people actually enjoyed it lol
🎮 she would play dress to impress with you
🕹️ STREAMING TOGETHER WITH YOUUU
👾 when the two of you are officially dating, both of you wear "i love my hot gf" every single streaming session
🎮 she loves matching bro so matching avatar in games
🕹️ would talk about you 24/7 EVEN WHEN SHE DIDNT MEAN TO
"oh me and my gf just-" , "chat, me and yn are-" elsyngfs : OKAY ELLIE WE GET IT!!!!!!!! ynssimp : i get it ellie, i too would talk abt her a lot ynaalyn : WHERE DO I FIND THIS RS GUYS idwtowatchellie : BRO UR R A LOSER GF smelliewilliams : gosh imagine if they're not ldr...
in conclusion, she's literally a loser lovesick lover girl
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REMINDER !!
that neil is a zionist and therefore dont buy his games, doesnt matter remastered or not !!!
before you leave, have you DONATE TO PALESTINE today? ITS FREE TOO !!
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mixsethaddams · 1 year
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Eddie forgets it’s Valentine’s Day until the literal moment he pulls into the parking lot outside of Steve’s job to pick him up after his shift. The big banner in the window offering their February 14th special offers nearly sent him into cardiac arrest.
It was too late now to flip it into reverse and speed to the nearest garage and buy the first box of candy he could find; Steve had spotted him through the window and was already waving at him. Eddie usually arrived a few minutes early but he got caught up staring through the window at the music store downtown. There was an acoustic guitar he was saving up for on display. It would take him almost a year to get there on his current budget, but he was determined. Now that Eddie thought about it, there was definitely some pink ribbon hanging in that window today. He cursed himself again, realising he must’ve seen a million other literal red flags throughout the day that he’d ignored.
“Think, Munson, think….” Eddie grumbled to himself, wringing his hands around the steering wheel with white knuckles.
Steve was walking towards the van now, and the small red gift bag in his hand killed any hope Eddie might have had that he’d forgotten too.
“Happy Valentine’s, Eds,” said Steve brightly as he hopped into the passenger seat, handing over the bag.
Eddie looked into it and found an assortment of a few of his favourite things. A heavy metal magazine, red twizzlers, a pack of smokes, even some new guitar strings. Ah shit, this was perfect. Eddie felt like hell.
“You don’t have the right guitar for those yet though,” Steve pointed out and sure enough, on closer inspection they were nylon acoustic strings and not the steel kind Eddie used for his electric guitar.
“That’s ok it’s not- Wait, yet?” asked Eddie.
Steve looked giddy as he handed over a piece of paper. It was a receipt of sale and Eddie gawped at it in silence for almost a full five minutes. Steve bought him the guitar he’s been staring at in the window. The note on the bottom said he could pick it up tomorrow.
“This is for-”
“Sure is”
“-that I’ve wanted for months-”
“Sure have”
“-is this for real?”
Steve rolled his eyes.
“Yes Eddie it’s for real,” said Steve with a sigh. “You’ve been talking about that thing in your sleep, figured this might make you shut up about it,”
“I will never shut up about this,” said Eddie, still staring at the receipt.
Another moment passed and Steve very politely and gently cleared his throat. Eddie snapped back to reality. Steve’s eyes went wide as Eddie kicked into action. He pulled his jacket off his shoulders and threw it at him. He reached down and tugged his shoes off, threw them at Steve too. All the rings on his hands came next, then his belt, and the keys for the van hit Steve squarely in the chest with a light thud.
“Take it,” he mumbled, adding his socks to the growing pile on Steve’s lap. “All of it,”
Steve let out a confused laugh.
“Eddie what the hell are you doing?” he asked, incredulous.
“You can have the trailer too,” said Eddie, fishing candy wrappers from his pockets and deciding if they were Steve worthy. “Wayne will understand,”
Steve laughed properly now.
“What are you talking about, baby?”
“This!” shrieked Eddie, now halfway out of his t-shirt, waving around the receipt for the guitar. “I can’t compete with this! I can’t give you anything like this, so just-” Eddie’s voice got muffled as his shirt got stuck over his head. “-take everything,”
He flung the piece of clothing and Steve’s head and started to unzip his jeans.
“Whoa whoa whoa!” said Steve, shaking with laughter now as he grabbed Eddie’s wrist. “Put your clothes back on, this isn’t a competition,”
“You’re only saying that because you won,” said Eddie with narrowed eyes.
Steve began to hand Eddie back all the things that had been hurled at him over the last frantic few minutes.
“I don’t need anything from you,” said Steve softly. “Especially not week-old candy wrappers,”
Eddie snatched back his socks.
“I don’t….” He said, embarrassed. “I don’t have anything though…”
Steve chuckled.
“So you can buy me dinner instead,” he told Eddie, reaching over to squeeze his thigh. “Now hurry up and take the rest of your shit back so you can bring me home,”
Eddie nodded solemnly and took each item back as it was given to him. He slipped his t shirt back over his head and when he looked at Steve for the last of his rings, he was holding Eddie’s favourite skull ring between his fingers. It was the only one that was big enough to fit Steve. A plan formed quickly, so organically that Eddie was shocked it hadn’t occurred to him before right now. It…was perfect honestly. It wasn’t like he’d never thought about it before, it just never felt like a good time and… Oh yeah, this was definitely the excuse he needed to just do it
“How ‘bout you keep that one, at least?” suggested Eddie. “Make me feel like I’m not a total failure today,”
“You’re not a failure,” said Steve, rolling his eyes again. “But fine, yes, I’m keeping this one,”
Eddie smiled and held out his hand to take one of Steve’s.
“Well then allow me,” he said, taking the ring. Steve offered up his right hand, and Eddie promptly swatted it away. “Other one,”
Steve’s eyebrow raised higher as he hesitantly gave Eddie his left hand.
“Seriously?” asked Steve, suspicious and amused.
“Unless you’d prefer the right hand?”
“No, no, left works,” said Steve quickly, taking his hand back to wipe off any sweat onto his jeans.
Steve shook out his hand and quickly smoothed down his hair. He plucked a stray starburst wrapper from his shoulder and flicked it to the ground. He settled himself comfortably facing Eddie and placed his left hand in Eddie’s waiting palm.
Eddie slotted the ring onto Steve’s third finger and gave it a little pat once it rested snugly against his knuckle, before bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it. A tiny squeak escaped Steve’s mouth.
“How’s that?” asked Eddie with a smile.
“Just what I wanted,” said Steve, looking like he was on cloud nine, and leaning over to kiss him.
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part two to this little thing 'cause i saw these tags on the last part from @stevesjester and actually kicked my feet and giggled about it
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After Pretty Boy kissed him, Eddie walked back to the staff break room in a daze.
His slow lumbering gait still managed to scare some folks, though, so that’s a plus.
He opens the door, slowly turns to close it softly, and leans back against it once it is.
“Eddie? You okay?” Comes a voice he’d know anywhere. “Wait, that is you, right? You’re supposed to be Piggy Man tonight?”
Eddie pulls the rubber mask off, making his stomach flip thinking about the last time it was pulled up. You know, ‘cause he’s a sap.
Chrissy takes in his shocked, sweaty face, “Oh my god, you okay? What happened?”
He looks up at his roommate (best friend, sister) in her bloody cheerleader costume, an ironic holdout from their time in high school, and breathes a laugh, “I fell in love.”
“OMG OMG tell me everything right now!!” Chrissy bounces over to him excitedly and pulls him down to the bench of their one (1) break table, a sagging plastic picnic table.
He looks up at her bright happy face and barks out a half hysterical laugh, “I can’t believe you’re this excited about me potentially falling in love with someone I’m literally being paid to scare.”
“Oooh, so they were a runner??”
“Yeah, literally in this case.”
“Start talking, Munson, or I’m going to throw all your guitar picks down the garbage disposal.”
“Okay, okay, Jesus Christ.. Okay, so I did my usual creepy husky voice at him, called him all the usual things,”
“Let me guess, you started with ‘pretty boy’?”
“Yeah. ‘Cause he’s pretty. Duh. Damn was he pretty…”
“Uh huh. And you fell in love with him ‘cause he was pretty?”
“No, no of course not, listen to this:” Eddie sits up straighter in preparation for the story. “I had him backed into a corner, right? The fake gate over in section 2B,”
“Ah yes, of course.”
“Yeah! And when I lunged at him, he caught my arm, and spun me around.”
“Shut. Up.”
“No, never. SO he’s got me backed against the fence, and he–I swear to fucking Jesus H. Christ–lifts my mask up and kisses me.”
Chrissy starts to squeal incoherently. “Eeeeee!!! Shutupshutupshutup!! Holy shit there’s no way this happened!!”
“Look, 100% serious right now; he kissed me stupid, and spun around and booked it again.”
“Pretty Boy distracted you with a kiss to escape!?! I cannot believe this, c’mon..” Crissy grabs ahold of his arm again and pulls him out of the breakroom with her insane unchecked leftover cheer squad strength.
“Whoa, what? Where’re we going?? He’s probably gone by now! I was standing over in 2B like an idiot for a while after he left!!”
“Not that, we gotta go see Argyle.”
“Argyle why—ohhh shit. Oh my god, you think they caught it on camera?” Eddie’s actively following her now.
The two burst into the warehouses’ security office, where they’re met with the backs of two ‘zombie’ guards (and the leftover smell of weed).
“Argyle, Jonathan, you need to look at something for us,”
“Is it the footage of Eddie’s makeout sesh in 2B? ‘Cause we’re waaayy ahead of you pompom.”
“Ah!! Holy shit he was telling the truth?!” Chrissy bodies between the two, sending Argyle rolling away on his chair, and Jonathan staggering back a step.
“Dude, that’s so cool of your boyfriend to come to the haunt, keepin’ us in business.” Argyle directs at Eddie, though still spinning slowly in his chair.
“He’s not my–you thought he was my boyfriend?”
“Yeah man, why else would you look at him like that.” Jonathan points down at the screen. 
Chrissy re-winds it again and Eddie watches himself charge forward at Pretty Boy (damn, he’s still pretty though this grainy footage too, how the fuck is that possible??), get spun and–oh shit, they’re right.
“Oh Jesus Christ.” he hangs his head into his hands, falling down into Jonathan’s previously abandoned chair.
“Sooo…he’s not your boyfriend..?”
Chrissy re-winds the footage again. Squeals happily.
“Nope. Just met him tonight.”
“Wow dude, that’s like, love at first sight if I ever saw it.”
She re-winds it again, squeals.
“Yeah I know, it’s embarrassing as shit, alright?” Eddie’s still talking into his palms.
Chrissy snorts at that, “Not for you! Well..kinda..but him too, did you not see that pause?”
“...What pause?”
His question goes unanswered as Jon and Argyle move back in over Chrissy’s shoulders and after a few seconds both “Ohh…” in sync.
“The fuck’re you talking about?”
“Look,” She re-winds the tape once again and points, “Watch after he lifts your mask.”
So he does, and..okay, there was a pause.
“...So?”
“He totally fell in love with you at the same time you did him. Fell with him. With each other?”
“You both fell in love at the same time.” Chrissy says what Jonathan was trying to. “We have GOT to find this guy somehow.”
Chrissy records the footage on the screen with her phone, intending to post it online to find the guy, but Argyle’s positive he’s gonna show back up tonight.
“Give him a chance, pompom, he’s totally in love too, remember?”
“Fine, but if he doesn’t come back today, I’m posting this. Maybe it’ll get us some more business too.”
“Do I get a say in this?” Eddie asks, already knowing the answer.
“No.” Yep, there it is.
So, he rolls his eyes, puts his mask back on, and finishes out the night like everything is normal and he didn’t just fall head over fuckin’ heels for a random (hot) stranger earlier.
He’s done for the night before Chrissy since she’s got a lot of that fake blood to try and wash off, so he grabs up his stuff and heads out the front, intending to wave bye to Gareth at the front counter before braving the frigid late fall wind to warm up his car (and move it closer to the entrance so Chrissy doesn't have to walk in the cold). 
“See ya Ed,” Gareth calls, and he waves over his shoulder at him as he passes, his attention pulled to a blonde with a choppy bob looking in through the glass of the door, partially silhouetted by the bright ass headlights of a shiny Tesla parked behind her.
He can see the shadow of someone in the driver seat too, as he gets closer and opens the door for her, their face only partially lit up through the tinted glass by the glow of a phone screen.
She starts rambling off immediately after the door is open. “Oh my god, I thought we were too late and you were closed and I completely didn’t even realize I’d left something here when we were here earlier an–”
“Nope, no worries, ma’am, just go talk to Gareth at the front counter and he can tell you if someone turned in…whatever it is you left here.”
She says her thanks and scoots past him, and he spins quickly towards the side lot where his old Neon is parked.
He glances back when he hears the bell chime over the door, a bit delayed (probably the wind holding it open), and sees that the Tesla’s stopped beaming their headlights into the front door, that’s nice of them.
He unlocks his car and gets in, turning the engine over and cranking the heat as high as it’ll go. Once the engine stops it’s signature ‘I’m cold as fuck rn, don’t even try to move me’ rattle, he drives to the front door to wait for Chrissy, pulling in next to the burgundy Tesla.
He scrolls down TikTok for a couple minutes before a banner pops up on his screen
Chris C.: oh my holy fucking shit eddie, get your ass back inside!
Panicking, he races back in through the door, not even bothering to shut off his engine (or close his car door for that matter), thinking shiny Telsa duo is like, robbing the place or something, but as soon as he gets back in, he’s stopped dead in his tracks.
His heart’s still beating a mile a minute, but now with nerves.
Because standing infront of the counter are Chrissy (who’s actually vibrating with excitement), choppy blonde, and…
Oh fuck.
No way.
“H–hi, hi. I’m Steve, you’re Eddie right?”
He can’t help the grin that splits across his face. “Hey, pretty boy.”
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thanks to @henderdads for rightfully pointing out that modern day rich boy steve would probably have a tesla <3
tagging everyone i saw in the tags of the last post that seemed interested in more/wanted to see the aftermath lmao: @bangarangdarling, @tartarusknight, @kas-eddie-munson, @wormdebut (AMAZING url btw), @vecnuthy, @perseus-notjackson, @homosexual-having-tea, @matchingbatbites, @scarcrossdlvrs, @anzelsilver, @auroraplume, @kkpwnall, @wildwildsoul, @bennys-burgers, @steveharringtonssluttywaist
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forcheol · 4 months
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౨ৎ sweater — csc
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synopsis when missing seungcheol turns into you wearing his sweater and socks. pairing seungcheol x fem reader genre fluff word count 1.3k hani’s note cheol calls reader baby, sweetheart and doll. this idea literally just came into my brain because of me taking a sweater out of my wardrobe…inspo by this reel btw hehe!
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his sweaters smell like him. like fresh laundry but also a strong masculine scent. it’s comforting, as if seungcheol is all around you. whenever seungcheol isn’t around, you wear his clothes — whether that be his silly looking socks with characters on them, his shirts or his sweaters — and in a sense, they’re grounding, warm and not to mention so cosy. which is why you lay in bed with his sweater. but now your feet are cold. so, you get out of bed for the top drawer, bracing yourself for the cold biting at your feet and face. at the sight of a folded pair of shark print crew socks (seungcheol’s favourite), you jump back in bed and pull the socks on.
a cold draft sneaks in from somewhere and into the bedroom where you’re laying. every few minutes, you’re wiggling around in the blankets you’ve wrapped yourself in, trying to gain as much heat as possible. that draft is beginning to provoke agitation in you and you wonder if you even closed all the windows.
there is no way you’re going to get up (again) to check in this cold, though. you had switched the radiators on, surely you’ve closed all windows and you had closed the doors to rooms that weren’t in use. this was all in an attempt to keep the heat in because you were starting to freeze.
the clock reads 10:18 PM, seungcheol isn’t home yet. he had shouted a quick ‘don’t wait up, sweetheart!’ before he had left in the morning and yes, you weren’t going to wait for him at first but god, you miss him so bad right now. you don’t think you could fall asleep without seeing him first.
reaching out of the blanket for the remote, you decide that the best thing to pass the time with is to watch something. so, you switch on the tv and flick through before settling on whatever seems interesting enough to hold your attention until seungcheol arrives home.
multiple yawns had left your mouth by 11:06 PM, seungcheol was still not home. you begin to doze off after a few minutes, eyes fluttering closed every few seconds before you open them wide and squeeze them to stay awake.
a key turns in the lock, it reaches your ears and has you alert. seungcheol’s keys jangle and you know that the jangling sound is the little batgirl keychain colliding with the wall as seungcheol plugs the guitar key into the wall mounted key holder (your keys held a batman keychain — seungcheol had bought these for you both, opting to have each other’s characters).
as seungcheol sets his coat in the closet near the front door and his shoes on the wooden shoe rack, he turns around and almost goes to slump onto the couch when he catches you staring at him through the open bedroom door.
seungcheol tilts his head a little and smiles at you, “i thought i had told you not to wait up, sweetheart.”
“i know but i wanted to wait for you.” you watch as he walks out of eyesight and hear the tap run, a glass filling up with water. seungcheol walks into the room as he takes a sip from the glass and then takes a seat on the edge of the bed next to you, the glass hanging from his fingertips where his forearm rested on his thigh.
“you missed me? oh, my baby,” he coos and lifts your hand to his lips and gives it a quick peck. he gulps down another sip of water and there is half left which he gestures for you to drink the rest, “all this waiting for me and i bet you haven’t even hydrated yourself, silly girl.”
you shake your head as the water runs down your throat, “not true, i am so hydrated!”
“really?” seungcheol’s lips twitch, trying not to smile as he notices your dry lips. his hand holds your jaw and his thumb is on your bottom lip, “why are your lips chapped, then?”
at this, your tongue darts out to lick at your lips, “what do you mean?”
seungcheol shakes his head, he reaches for the vanity table drawer and takes out a lip balm. its cherry flavoured, his favourite. you set down the glass on the bedside table.
his hand tilts your chin and applies the lip balm to your lips and oh, that concentrated look on his beautiful face. lips parted, eyes shining and focused on your lips, trying so hard to not get the balm anywhere other than your lips.
and when he’s done, he asks you to rub your lips to together so that the balm is spread evenly. he watches you intently as you follow his instructions.
seungcheol carefully moves your head around (at this point, you’re just letting him do whatever, it’s endearing to watch him do things like this) to check that the balm hadn’t smudged anywhere else then he lets go, “there, all done! now, make sure you drink a lot of water if you don’t want chapped lips, okay?”
you nod your head slowly as a response and he gets up to put the lip balm away. seungcheol turns around and squints at you, “are you wearing my sweater?”
“huh? yeah, it was getting cold and also, i missed you,” you explain, “wearing your socks too!”
he looks at the end of the bed where you stick out your feet from the blanket, “you can have all of my sweaters and socks if you look that adorable in them, doll.”
the nickname makes your heart skip a beat. doll. it sounds lovely coming from his pretty lips.
seungcheol smiles and you reach for his hands which he gives. you tug with all the strength you have to quickly press your lips to seungcheol’s, pulling back with an audible ‘mwah’ and you make sure that the lip balm he applied had transferred to his lips too.
seungcheol’s dimples form on both cheeks as he laughs with his gummy smile. full cheeks become rosy and seungcheol shrinks a little in his place. every time you pull your little ‘mwah’ trick, seungcheol gets so shy and you love it. you adore his shyness.
“you’re so silly,” seungcheol ruffles your hair, “i’ll go get changed, be right back,” he pinches your cheek and leaves the room.
when seungcheol re-enters the room, you immediately raise a corner of the blanket to invite him over. he climbs onto the bed, except not next to you. seungcheol hovers over you then lowers himself down onto your chest, his legs between yours and his arms going under yours to hug you.
your heart melts at the sight of his head on your chest, being able to feel his chest rising and falling against your own and his hair tickling the base of your neck which you run your hand through, giving him a slight massage. reaching for the blanket you threw to the side, you pull it over both your bodies to stay warm.
“good day at work, cherry?”
seungcheol’s chest vibrates as he hums, “yeah, and jeonghan dragged me to dinner and he paid, can you believe that? i mean, he always ‘forgets’ his wallet at home!”
seungcheol’s after work stories never fail to make you giggle. it’s the way he tells them with big eyes and even acts them out sometimes.
after the laughter stops from both of you, seungcheol speaks up again, “but i’m tired after that. i would have been home earlier to cuddle with you but jeonghan…” he laughs again, “he wouldn’t let me go! now, i just wanna lay like this with you.”
“yeah? i got you, i’m right here,” you rub his back under the blanket and seungcheol moves his head to kiss your collarbone.
a few minutes later, you’re positive that seungcheol has fallen asleep with the way he becomes heavier and heavier the deeper he sleeps — you feel like your hugging an actual bear — so you give him a quick kiss to his forehead and hold him closer to you before dozing off just after him.
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moralesluvr · 11 months
Note
Ok but hobie being reaaally whipped for his gf 😩😩
attached at the hip ft. hobie brown
♡ pairings & aus: clingy!hobie brown x black!fem!reader ♡ summary: just our fav boy loving on us ♡ warnings: none! just fluff ♡ a/n: thanks for your request!! it’s a little short though! ♡ got a request? | masterlist ♡
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HOBIE BROWN WAS OBSESSED WITH YOU.
There was honestly no other way to put it.
He didn’t even mean to fall for you, much less have such an attachment to you— but he couldn’t stop. Ever since he had met you and you started hanging around him and his mates more, he found himself falling harder and harder each day.
It started off with simple ‘Hello’s when you saw him at his shows. Sometimes you would be in the crowd, watching him passionately play his guitar. A smirk would be etched on your face as you watched him, his gaze catching yours every once and a while.
Other times he would see you sitting at the bar with a drink in your hand, talking to one of the waitresses sweetly. He knew he was falling hard for you when you came in one night in a little black dress with one your friends, dancing in the crowd. He eventually mustered up the courage to come up to you and ask you out, and ever since, you have been completely inseparable.
Which, even if you wanted to, it would be nearly impossible to get away from your boyfriend. He loves spending time with you even if it’s just a walk in the park or taking a nap in his bed after one of his shows.
In real time, he was cuddled up on your chest while you read one of your favorite books aloud. He was playing with the hem of your shirt as you spoke, looking up at you occasionally when a word would roll nicely off your tongue.
He loved the sound of your voice. You could literally say just about anything and he would swoon— he just felt as if he was at home when he heard you speak. Especially when you spoke about him.
“You’re so pretty, love.” He told you, his eyes glossed over with affection as you rubbed his back. He liked to be vulnerable with you and you let him, but what you loved even more was that he was comfortable enough to be like that for you.
You giggled at his statement as you closed your book,”Thank you handsome. You wanna grab a bite to eat? Maybe go out?”
“I was thinkin’ we just stay home, eat some Chinese, and watch a movie, yeah? That sound good?”
“Very good.” You smiled, kissing your boyfriend on his cheek as you pulled him closer to you in your embrace.
You were so very lucky to have him.
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𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 ☻ thank you for reading!
𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑-𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓🕷️: @queenesther996 //@sukunas-slutty-bitch // @c3f21 // @wydney // @rinnyisnothere // @brieryann // @moisttowllet // @Dee-m-cee // @liliummz // @starhrtz // @daisydark // @randomhoex // @solanawrld // @whore4hobie
𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 🎸: @lipstickstainedshells // @Dee-m-cee // @euphorichappiness10 // @adoree-kaelynn // @leycondones // @allex560
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steddiehyperfixation · 3 months
Text
don't you forget about me (part eight; final)
(part one)(part two)(part three)(part four)(part five)(part six)(part seven) (ao3 link)
It was an “if” if Eddie would actually be discharged today, but now, after some more poking and prodding, he's finally on his way home with prescriptions for pain meds and physical therapy. 
Wayne helps him up the three creaky, beautifully familiar stairs into the trailer, and Eddie collapses onto the old, beautifully familiar couch the second he gets inside. The weary groan he lets out is only slightly over-dramatized. “I feel like an 80 year old man,” he complains, entire body sore and aching to the bone already. “Now I know how you feel.”
“Oi, I ain't that old,” Wayne protests. When Eddie snorts derisively, Wayne rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Alright, fine, so we both got creaky knees now. You, at least, will be young and spry again in no time, though,” his uncle tells him. “Just get some rest, old man.” 
Eddie heaves a great big sigh, takes another breath to steel himself, and then does just the opposite of that. 
“What did I just say?” Wayne mutters as Eddie moves to stand again. 
“I said I’d call Steve,” Eddie says. Steve had to go to work, but he'd told Eddie that morning to call him if he ended up making it home today. “I’ll dip out of work and come hang out, help you settle in, if you want,” Steve had said. 
Wayne offers, “I can call him for you.” 
“No, no, I got it,” Eddie insists, words broken by a grunt as he hauls himself back to his feet. “I can make it to the phone, Wayne, I'm not a complete invalid.”
“Alright.” Wayne raises his hands in defeat and backs off. He’s never been one to hover. “You just shout if you need me.” 
Eddie limps - slowly, painfully, with difficulty - to the phone on the wall by the tiny dining table they never use, the surface littered instead with unopened mail and haphazard papers scribbled with notes and reminders and important phone numbers. He leans heavily against the table as he paws through the piles trying to find a note of Steve's number. Eddie finds it buried deep, probably long since memorized by now before his memory got erased, but there it is: a notepad paper with Steve's name scrawled on it and two phone numbers written underneath, home and work. 
“Bingo.” Eddie grabs the paper, takes the phone off the hook, and dials the work number. 
The phone rings a couple times, and then: “Family Video. How can I help you?” 
“Hey, Stevie.” Eddie smiles at the sound of his voice, as if he hadn't literally just heard it only a few hours ago. 
“Eddie!” Steve's bored customer service voice brightens. “Are you home? How are you feeling?” 
“Yeah, I’m home. I’m alright. I mean, I’m bone-fucking-tired and feel about a million years old, but it's really really good to be back,” Eddie says honestly. He adds, “I’m under strict orders to rest, though - gonna be bored out of my mind, so I could use the company if you were serious about ditching work for me.” 
“Of course I was serious,” replies Steve. “It's a slow day today anyways.” 
Eddie grins. “Get your sweet ass over here then.” 
A smile is evident in Steve's voice too. “I'll be there in ten.” 
Eddie hangs up, tries his best to wipe this stupid lovesick grin off his face. He stumbles his way down the hall to his room next, flicking on some music from the cassette player on his dresser and looking around. His room is just as beautifully familiar as the rest of the trailer, not much changed from the way he last remembers it. The same music and D&D shit clutter his surfaces, the same posters clutter his walls. His bed is unmade, clothes litter the floor, same as always.
The only differences: his beloved electric guitar no longer hangs on the wall by the mirror (he was told, devastatingly, that she hadn't survived her trip to the Upside Down), and there are photographs he doesn't recognize taped up around the corners of that mirror. Eddie staggers over to get a closer look, only to first be momentarily jumpscared by his own reflection. His face is pale, eyes sunken, and his hair frizzes out in a greasy, tangled mess around his head, unwashed and unbrushed for who knows how long. Gross, but whatever. He manages to ignore his sickly appearance and inspects the pictures he had apparently deemed important enough to stick to the edges of his mirror. 
There are photos of Eddie smiling with Hellfire and his band and the kids, in large groups and small groups, with old friends he remembers and newer ones he doesn't quite. But what catches his attention the most is a photobooth strip of him and Steve. The first picture shows the two of them grinning, arms slung around each other’s shoulders; the second, a silly face photo, Eddie sticking out his tongue and Steve crossing his eyes; the third, Eddie giving Steve devil horns while Steve laughs; and the fourth- 
Eddie plucks the strip off the mirror, stumbles, so taken aback he trips over his own lame feet until he plops down heavily onto his bed, and he stares. He stares at the last image in the row, which depicts - clear as day and undeniably real, immortalized in ink on photo paper - Steve kissing Eddie, tender hand on his cheek, both of them smiling against each other’s lips.
He stares and he stares and he stares. And the longer he stares the more he can almost feel it, taste it, see the events of that photo strip playing out in his mind’s eye like a waking dream. Like a memory. 
Steve pulls up to the trailer, the one with the metal music blaring from somewhere inside that announces to the whole park that Eddie Munson is back home. He smiles at the sound, gets out of his car and bounds toward it. 
It's Wayne who lets him in when Steve knocks on the door. “He's in his room,” the older man tells him as he steps aside to let Steve in. “Make sure he's stayin’ off his feet, will you? ‘Cause lord knows he won't listen to me.” 
“Yeah, I got it,” Steve says, and his tone and his smile say I got him. Wayne nods. 
Steve makes his way down the hall to Eddie’s room. He raps his knuckles against the door first, but he doubts that can even be heard over the music so he pushes it open without waiting for a response. “Hey, Ed-” Steve starts, only to falter when he sees Eddie sitting statue-still on the edge of his bed, eyes boring holes into a photo strip of the two of them together. “Oh.” 
Eddie blinks, expression unreadable as he looks up and over at Steve. “Why didn't you tell me?” 
“I-” Steve doesn't know what to say, what he should say. His veins buzz with a nauseating mix of hope and anxiety and it's making him feel a bit sick. He takes a deep breath, turns down the music so he can think. “I wanted to. I just- I thought it would freak you out. You didn't know me. I didn't want to force anything on you.” 
“So…we were together,” Eddie says slowly. “For how long?” 
“Since July.” Steve’s desperately searching Eddie’s face for something, anything, to clue him in to what Eddie’s thinking or feeling right now. “Are- are you freaked out? Because you look a little freaked out.” 
“I’m not freaked out,” Eddie says, and it's almost convincing. “I'm just…processing.” 
“Oh-kay…” Steve breathes out, leaning cautiously against the doorframe, still hovering by the exit just in case Eddie decides he doesn't want him there anymore once he's finished processing.
“I’ve, uh-” Eddie looks back down at the photo strip he holds in his hands and takes a breath. “I’ve been remembering some things, you know, little things - in dreams - about us. But I- I thought I just had a crush or something, because I thought if all of that was real, if we had really been that happy - that…in love - then you would've said something. You would've told me.” 
When Eddie's eyes meet his again, Steve realizes he'd misread his expression before. Eddie's not freaked, he's upset, hurt, not because of what he's learned but because it was kept from him. Of all the worst-case scenarios Steve's spiraling mind had come up with over the past couple weeks, he had not considered this one. So preoccupied with his own angst over being forgotten and fear of being unwanted, Steve hadn't thought to consider that him hiding the true nature of their past might make Eddie feel unwanted too. That's the last thing Steve wants; the ache of that trumps any other ache he feels. 
“Eddie, I’m sorry. I just- you didn't know me, and I panicked; I didn't think, or-or I thought too much, but I should've just told you.” Steve pushes off from the doorway and goes to sit beside Eddie, because he can't stand Eddie looking at him with those big doe eyes and not being close to him. He leaves a bit of space, barely holds himself back from taking hold of Eddie's hand. “Because it was real, all the things you've been remembering. It was real- it is real, and I’m so sorry I didn't tell you.” 
Eddie is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. His gaze flicks him up and down and across his face, and then Eddie grabs him, hands dropping the photo strip to instead clutch at Steve's cheek and jaw as he pulls him in and kisses him. As their lips slide together, familiar, the both of them sigh into the kiss. Steve feels a bursting in his heart, so similar to the way it felt the very first time they’d done this: the giddiness of reciprocation, the intuition that this is right. 
When Eddie pulls back after a few long moments, something is changed, something returned. Steve watches Eddie’s eyes flutter open; and when they do, for the first time since he'd woken up in that hospital bed, Eddie sees him, knows him, loves him. 
“How could I ever have forgotten that?” Eddie says, almost whispered, running his thumb across Steve's cheekbone. “How could I ever have forgotten you?” 
Steve could cry. Tears made of relief and joy blur his vision, because Eddie is looking at him with all the tenderness he'd been missing these past weeks, the painful emptiness of before now filled. It's all back. His Eddie is back. Steve pitches forward and hugs him bodily. Eddie returns the embrace; Steve sinks into his arms and it feels like coming home. 
He closes his misty eyes, buries his face in the crook of Eddie's neck and the tangles of his hair, and he breathes him in, clinging onto him like Eddie might just disappear if Steve ever let go. Eddie holds him just as close, one arm wrapped firm around Steve's waist while his other hand cradles the back of Steve's head and strokes his hair. Steve soaks in every touch, feels every place where they are pressed against each other, so warm and safe and loving after so long without it. He is whole again in the arms of the man he loves.  
“I missed you,” Steve mutters, lips brushing against the skin of Eddie's neck as he speaks, muffled. 
“I know, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs, “my Stevie, I’m so sorry.” 
“S’okay. It wasn't your fault,” Steve mumbles, and he thinks maybe they both need to stop apologizing for this. 
Eddie must think the same, because he says, “And it wasn't yours either,” like he knows every twisted, guilty thought that's been haunting Steve lately and he absolves him of them. He tugs gently at Steve’s hair to get him to lift his head and look him in the eyes. “You know that, right?” 
“Yeah, I know,” Steve says quietly. Eddie reaches up to brush from his cheek a tear Steve didn't even know had fallen, and as he wipes it away he wipes away everything - all blame, all fear, all pain. Eddie had forgotten him, and it sucked, but now he remembers again, and none of that matters anymore. Steve hangs onto Eddie's wrist. “Just-” His voice rasps with emotion, making it rougher. “Don't you ever forget about me again.” 
It's not a promise that can be made with any certainty - anything can happen at any time, just as unexpectedly as it had this time - but Steve doesn't need certainty, he just needs to hear the words, and Eddie gives that to him. “I won't, darling,” he vows, with gentle reassurance. “Never again.”
“Good,” Steve sighs, turning his head into Eddie's hand to press a kiss to the palm. 
The last of his heavier emotions drain out of him then and now he can feel the joy of Eddie's return in its whole entirety. As he rolls his face out of Eddie's hand and settles his eyes on the beautiful boy in front of him, a grin begins to spread across Steve's face; Eddie's smile grows in tandem with his, like he's smiling just because Steve is. Steve says, giddy in full now, “You're back.” 
“Yeah,” Eddie says, lovely and bright, ducking to bump his forehead against Steve's. “I'm back.” 
Steve lets go of Eddie's wrist to tangle a hand in his hair, and he tilts his head up to kiss him again, just because he can, because he's making up for lost time. They draw each other in close once more, lips and bodies moving against each other, easy and natural. Steve could stay right here like this forever, never wants to stop holding him or stop kissing him. 
But a thought - a question - tickles at the base of Steve's skull, and when he does pull back he asks, hopeless romantic that he is, “Just in case - I mean, just so I know - what was it that brought your memory back? Was it like a…true love’s kiss breaking the spell sort of thing?” 
Eddie laughs, gives Steve another quick peck like he always does when Steve says something endearing. “Not quite, Prince Charming,” he responds with a grin so fond Steve thinks his heart might burst. “It was more like…the things I had remembered were just dreams to me, shallow and unreal, but kissing you was like an anchor, a reminder that allowed those dreams to sink in as proper memories and become real.” 
“So…basically it was true love’s kiss,” Steve says cheekily, just to hear Eddie’s laugh again, just to receive another affectionate press of Eddie's lips against his. 
“Yeah, sure,” Eddie concedes, smilingly, never one not to indulge whimsy, “we can call it that.” But then he amends, with a little less levity, “It wasn't exactly a magic cure-all, though. It didn't bring everything back, there are still gaps in my memory.” He looks at Steve with eyes like pools of melted chocolate, soft and endless. “But I remember that I love you; I remember that much.” 
And Steve tells him, “That's enough," and he pulls him in for another true love's kiss.
THE END. taglist: @romanticdestruction @daydreamsandcrashingwaves @paintsplatteredandimperfect @hallucinatedjosten @mugloversonly @estrellami-1 @alongcomesaspider @thatonebadideapanda @tell-me-a-secret-a-nice-one @dragonmama76 @wxrmland @nuggies4life @sirsnacksalot @myguiltyartpleasure @lolawonsstuff @marklee-blackmore @vinteraltus @sebastiansstanswhore @0happyeverafter0 @scarlet-malfoy @hotluncheddie @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @emsgoodthinkin @alyelf @warlordess @stevesbipanic @lil-gremlin-things @rockandrolodex @badcaseofcasey @bat-outta-hel @fandomcartographer @manda-panda-monium @littlewildflowerkitten @giopandaonice @mightbeasleep @queenie-ofthe-void @krazyperson @worldofshea @marvel-ous-m @tartarusknight @a-little-unsteddie @xenon-demon @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxsky-shockxx @mc-i-r @bookbinderbitch @aspenshade88 @slowandsteddie @thedragonsaunt @daydreaming-mood @space-invading-pigeon @irregular-child @a-lovely-craziness (continued in replies)
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sharkorok · 9 months
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all eyes on you (enhypen)
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or the moments that make everyone think you’re dating
cw/genre: idol!reader, reader doesnt have specified gender but implied to be a female, fluff, so cute bye, secret relationships, humor, u have delulu fans
requested: naurrr
a/n: ehe thx for 100 followers :) I hope my writing makes u happy because knowing people read my works makes me super duper happy! luv uuuu
•-•-•-•-•-•
heeseung
-at an awards show your outfits were matching, like very obviously matching
-matching bracelets, you had one on your left wrist and he had one on the right, the colors matched each other, same style and aesthetic…
-he gets v nervous but also you were in some dating rumors with another idol so…he wouldn’t be mad if he was next tbh….BUT THEN UR GROUP WAS ASSIGNED NEXT TO HIM??
-dawg was sweating the whole time trying not to admire you and how cute you two looked
-but no every one of those “enhypen mma reaction” or “heeseung reaction focus” showed him very clearly staring at you 😭, twt had a field day with you two
-he can’t help it, you looked so good and how can he keep his eyes off his lovely s/o when they’re all dressed up + matching?? seriously his management was insane for putting him so close to you
-and when all groups were leaving he was seen literally sprinting to be closer to you
-ya dispatch didn’t even need to confirm anything after that awards show
the others r below!
jay
-during a live he got his guitar out and started playing all your favorite songs
-and this was literally a day after you named your favorite songs
-then to make it worse he was like “yeah these are y/n’s favorite songs don’t they have good music taste?” and then he kept talking about you and staff was sweating while watching istg
-the way he talked about you tho,,he either had a massive crush on you or you two were dating
-the ship edits the next day were insane honestly some of your fans need to get into the editing business because you genuinely believed a photo of him holding your waist was taken at inkigayo
-he doesn’t even try to hide how much he likes you istg, he goes out of his way to talk to you at awards shows and always films challenges with you, he gives the shippers so much content
-then another time jay cooked your favorite food in a vlog and specifically said it was your favorite food, name dropping and everything
-literally no one is surprised that you two are confirmed dating after a while.
jake
-accidentally went on live while talking about you
-he fully believed he closed out of the app when he was talking to jay and saying stuff like, “I’m really excited to see her at the performance, I hope we have time to hang out…” and then he hears notifications and sees that he was streaming and he nearly faints
-plays it off like he fully intended for everyone to hear that and continues like he planned on going live
-he’s also trying to hide the way his eyes flickered up to your rapid texts being like, “JAKE WHY ARE WE TRENDING ON TWITTER??”
-jay is behind the camera just trying not to laugh becuz how do you even recover from this one, literally all the comments are talking about you and him
-“y/n…? yeah ahahah I know her uh huh mhm anyways moving on” and his horrible deflecting skills are making it even more obvious
-and when you go on live?? oh u bet the comments are “did you see jake’s recent live?? are u cheating on us y/n?”
-u desperately distract by spoiling your comeback but there’s already 14k Tik toks analyzing every interaction you had with Jake and why you two are cosmically intertwined
sunghoon
-describes you to a T when asked about his ideal type
-he meant to just mention the broad details but he gets excited talking about u ok :(
-“yeah a good heart and around (your exact height), with (the hex code of your eye color) eyes, born on (your birthday), hobbies include (every single one of your hobbies) and also…(literally all the information under your kprofiles page)”
-ur fans catch on and are like “isn’t this literally y/n” and he’s like “omg nooo coincidence”
-it is NOT a coincidence bro he was fully thinking of you and only you during that interview
-anyways you don’t help the situation by describing him too when asked about your ideal type, but ur at least a tad less obvious 😭
-“yea I love guys who ice skate and stuff”
-u two definitely get scolded by management
sunoo
-sometimes he forgets to care about keeping things secret (like that lipton tea thing he did)
-so he’s showing fans his camera roll and he shows selfies you never posted before…in his camera roll…never before seen by anyone but him and you to the camera and is like
-“y/n’s visual is so perfect, right?”
-and yeah duh ur stunning and gorgeous but fans are distracted by your beauty for a second before being like “hm…how did he get those selfies and why r they in his camera roll”
-ur fans r thankful for the content tho so he kinda did everyone a favor
-but it’s a LITTLE suspicious…but neither of you address anything so it just festers a little
-until you two do a tik tok challenge together and he captions it with a heart emoji like oh my god 😭
-you’re not innocent either when you said “sunoo’s visual is so amazing” like both of you get some media training I beg
-everyone loves how obviously whipped you two are for each other tho :,)
jungwon
-accidentally exposes your polaroid in his phone case
-thankfully he has photos of his members and maeum but why were you there??
-he completely ignores it tbh he shows the photos to the camera and is like “these r the polaroids in my phone case. anyways.” n he’s playing it cool but internally he’s PANICKING
-“hopefully they didn’t see the heart I drew on the Polaroid,” he thinks foolishly
-we did.
-so you try to do some damage control on your own live when asked about why he has ur photo in his phone and ur like “oh we’re really close friends!!”
-n honestly that’s a good and healthy response because everyone has the right to their platonic relationships
-but jungwon’s heart he drew on your Polaroid was just a little bit tooooo suspicious…anyways this leads to fans over-analyzing every single interaction to the point you two weren’t allowed to be seen in a ten foot proximity at events for a while
-but at least it reminded jungwon to be more careful lolol
niki
-accidentally rizzes you up on live television
-you’re an mc for smth and you’re interviewing enhypen and you’re like, “oooh, some burning questions, what is your ideal type?”
-and Niki, with no hesitation fully goes, “you lol” and you see ur career flash before your eyes
-ur co mc is nervously laughing and niki realizes like oh wait we’re being broadcasted so he’s like “oh just kidding haha!!!” even though you two are making awkward eye contact while you’re mentally scolding him
-he’s so used to teasing and flirting with you in private so it’s a little hard to shake off in public
-anyways fans notice he’s looking at you a little too lovingly and being a little too genuine when he responded so it’s not long before you see ship edits on Twitter and tik tok
-doesn’t help when you answer the ideal type question with “someone who is playful and funny” thinking it was broad enough but ‘twas not <3
-he doesn’t really care too much but thought it was funny, even if he had to take a media training class again afterwards >:T
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pedgito · 2 years
Note
Okay here me out!! Eddie and bestfriend reader are hanging out just chilling in his room like any other day but our back is killing us so he's on top of us giving our back a massage. Our shirt rides up so now he's massaging bare skin and listening to our goans of satisfaction. He obviously pops a boner and you know one thing leads to the other very nsfw in the same position tho us on our tummy him on top SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!
author’s note: this is uh…yeah. just purely self indulgent smut so pls enjoy my nsfw ramblings mwah. if there's typos in this, no there's not. it's 11pm and i'm exhausted.
cw: 18+ (minors dni), fem!reader, mentions of smoking and being high, steamy sex, they’re both two consenting adults don’t worry, sex from behind, dirty talk, slight hair pulling, fingering, ect. let me know if i missed anything!
word count: 2.5k
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It doesn’t take any persuading to get Eddie in the position he is now, knees settled on either side of you, sat perfectly against your thighs, hands resting in the dip just above your ass, the tiniest shorts in existence doing nothing to block the heat of Eddie’s hands as his fingers dug into the skin. If Wayne were to chance walking in, you both wouldn’t hear the end of it.
Eddie’s heavy above you, no other option to lay there and enjoy the magic that were his fingers; knowing his way around a guitar and a few taut muscles. It almost hurts, the way his fingers dig into the skin—but the relief, the literal unwinding of your tense back muscles has you moaning out against your pillow, where your head rested.
Eddie snorts in laughter, “Like that?” He teases, voice flirtatious out of habit. It wasn’t strange for him to act this way, it came with the package of knowing Eddie; he was so naturally charming that he couldn’t help it. You feel your heart flutter at the words, smiling into your forearm.
“Mhm,” You hum, nodding your head gently. He watches the back of your head bob, spreading the length of his hands over the sides of your waist, digging into the flesh there, leaning forward slightly to apply pressure, absently rubbing the front of his jeans against the curve of your ass.
He doesn’t say anything, almost like he can’t be bothered to notice. The assault of his hands continue, too fucking satisfying to ask him to stop now; you wouldn’t even if you needed to. He was a fucking smoke show, despite his constant denial, you knew exactly what Eddie was all about.
Selfless but selfish, indulging in the things he cared about but always worrying about the feelings of others. So undoubtedly considerate in his relationship with others, he was the kind of person you could rely on, love, see yourself spending the rest of your life with—romantically or platonically. It didn’t matter to you.
But with his hands on you now, one blunt into the night, that haze in your brain was pointing all signs of ‘god, i’m so fucking horny right now’ and you’ll be damned if you have to starve yourself of that feeling. Eddie feels it too, with how eagerly he jumped at the chance to touch your bare skin, dig his fingers into the soft, meaty flesh—that, and it gave the perfect view of your ass.
And you’re not sure when his hands stop, the only real contact he was making was the shallow thrust of his hips against your backside, far enough away that it wasn’t at all satisfying. It was torture.
He’s lost his train of thought, eyes nearly shut as his hands linger but never move, he doesn’t even feel in control of his own body.
“Eddie,” You speak softly, head turned back to look at him, though the angle was strained. He gives a small ‘huh’, eyes half lidded as he finally makes eye contact with you, “still with me?”
“Sorry,” He says, clearing his throat of the muck the smoke had left behind, his high peaking at this point, having been a while since you’d both finished off the joint, “you know how it gets when we smoke, sometimes.”
You know all too well; the exploring hands, kisses stolen in-between shared thoughts and words, the way Eddie would beg and beg to have his head between your thighs, just to get a small taste of you—the mix of weed and whatever ecstasy Eddie was trying to taste as he devour your cunt, greedily licking up every last drop of you.
You two never talked about it. It just was.
He enjoyed the way you’d take him in his mouth, almost lazily, still showing just how good it could feel outside the boundaries of his own hands, letting him fuck into your mouth earnestly.
It never got the point of fucking, though, ever.
It was the one boundary you both knew came with consequences, small or large, that needed to be talked about. But right now, you couldn’t be bothered to care, seeing the desperate expression on his face.
He’s never wanted to fuck someone so badly.
“I’m so fucking hard right now,” Eddie says honestly, chancing a glance down at the zipper of his jeans, his dick straining uncomfortably against the constricting material, “don’t mean to be, sweetheart.”
“What do you want, Eddie?” You ask gently, voice soft as his hands rise higher, almost touching the underside of your breasts where they’re pressed against the mattress.
“You.” He sighs openly, leaning his body over the expanse of yours, covering your back like a blanket. He’s so drunk off his own desperate need to for release that he’s grinding against your ass, harsher this time. The thick material of his jeans is uncomfortable against the silk of your shorts and if he really wanted to do this, he was going to do it correctly, that way it was enjoyable for both of you.
“Take your pants off.” You urge—and you can’t believe the speed at which he races to discard of the unnecessary clothing. You make an attempt to turn, but you’re stopped by the touch of his palm, pressed against the middle of your back.
“No, like this,” He insists, adjusting your ass until it’s positioned where he likes, cover bunched up underneath you for support. Despite his hazy brain, he still had the sense to be sweet, “you look so pretty like this.”
And he’s speaking nonsense, you think.
“Such a cute little ass.” He smiles satedly, hands gripping at the flesh gently, the front of his boxers pressing against you, the hard line of his dick was a shock to your system, despite being ready for it.
And you want to tilt your hips, assist in the grind of his dick against the clothed curve of your ass, help him reach whatever release he was after.
Sometimes he wanted quick and fast; the senseless type of orgasm that left you both gasping for breath after. Other times it was slow, moaning into each other’s mouths as you found that ecstasy together.
He grunts softly, almost frustrated. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” You ask, your hand gliding against the outside of his palm where it had a steady grip on your hip.
“Not enough,” He pouts dismally, movements stopping slightly, “God, I just wanna—“ He takes a deep breath through his nose, eyes falling closed as he thinks on his next words, “I really wanna fuck you, sweetheart.”
And the words are like a weight lifted off your shoulders, like hearing him say it made the decision so much easier; not afraid to cross that boundary anymore. You wanted it just as much as he did.
“Okay,” You nod slowly, turned slightly to look back at him, and he looks so fucking sweet, the way his eyes soften at the sight of you, “yeah, if you really want to.”
Eddie doesn’t waste much time, pulling at the thin material of your shorts and panties in one go, lingering on the sight of your bare ass, “Even better like this.” He says, admiring the way your neck blushed at the comment.
“Condom, Eddie.” You remind him, high but not high enough to remember that you definitely did not need the aspect of any unnecessary and unwanted surprises showing up in your life. He fetches the small foil wrapper from his bedside table, you try to ignore the jumbo size box stuffed in there.
That was a question for another time.
Eddie doesn’t spend time trying to strip any further, leaving you naked from the waist down, and pulling his boxers down just enough so they’re tucked under his balls, enough room to allow him to get where he needed.
He’s eager with how quickly his fingers slip through your folds, gathering up the embarrassing amount of slick against his fingers, making a small noise of acknowledgment before saying, “Always so fucking wet, aren’t you?”
Normally, you could keep it together, comeback something with a bit more snark, but you could only offer a small ‘uh huh’, letting one of his thick digits sink inside of you, so deprived of anything inside you for the past few months that your pussy squeezes around his finger greedily.
He sets a gentle pace, curling his finger as he went, a consistent pump in and out of you, before he’s slipping in another finger—it’s a beautiful stretch, causing you to gasp out, keening back against his hand. “Fuck, those fingers—“
“Made for you,” He comments absently, fingers working you open so easily, like this was normal for the both of you; and while some of it was, this was still all so new, “always so greedy, yeah?”
And you’re not sure if he’s talking to you directly, but you answer a weak ‘yes’ anyways.
He works you over until you’re panting, begging for him to put you out of your misery, feeling deplorable with how much he enjoyed teasing you.
“Just fuck me already, please.” You snark impatiently, throwing the wrapper back at him.
He quickly rips it open with his teeth, removing and rolling the thin latex over himself, adjusting most of his weight on one arm as he uses the tip of his cock to glide through your folds, not wasting any time as he slides in, almost buried to the hilt.
If you weren’t so blasted out of your mind, you would’ve fought him over it, but you could sense how eager he was to be buried inside of you.
He groans loudly, the grasp on your hips tighter than before, nearly bruising. He rocks his hips testingly, listening closely to the small gasps that escape your lips, almost too quiet—he can’t have that, he wants to hear you fall apart so badly.
“Never thought it would be this good, sweetheart.” He says honestly, the slow and steady rock of his hips leaving you grasping at the downy comforter, face shoved into the blanket to stifle your moans. “I mean, that pussy’s always been sweet—but it just takes me so well.”
“Yeah?” You answer pathetically, a small hiccup as he thrusts into you particularly rough.
“Wish you could see it,” He says, watching the way your cunt swallows him up, so mesmerized by what the fuck was happening that he has to take a moment, eyes rolling back into his head as he sits with the feeling, your soft moans like music to his ears, “taking me so well, baby.”
And that really shouldn’t affect you the way it does, but your pussy clenches around him at the endearment, causing Eddie to curse out, delivering another rough thrust into you.
“So good,” He murmurs, body now leaned over you almost completely, fucking into you with earnest, the slide of his body against yours, warm and sticky skin against yours—it was overwhelming in all the best ways.
You reach behind you, desperate to hold onto a piece of him; anything. Your hand finds his hair, grabbing loosely on a handful of strands, his mouth ghosting over the back of your neck as he groans, his hands digging into the pillow on either side of your head.
You never had any exceptions on what it would be like to be fucked by Eddie, sober or not—but it’s indescribable, so many emotions hitting you all at once, and you want to cry from the absolute sheer amount of pleasure you’re body was taking, but also because Eddie was so fucking soft, while still managing that primal need he had.
“Always dreamt of fucking you.” He says without thinking.
And maybe that could ruin your friendship. But, maybe it wouldn’t. You answer with a pathetic moan, another broken sob. “Yeah?” You force out, “Just like this?”
“Every way,” He admits, hand sneaking around to your front, over the sensitive bud of your clit. It’s the first time he’s showed it any attention all night, but you can’t find it in you to complain, gasping at the quick, tight circles he makes, “any way.”
“I’m close, Eddie—“ You warn, hips bucking desperately against his hand as he continues to fuck into you, hips quick and sloppy, on the precipice of his own orgasm.
“Yeah? Gonna come with me, sweetheart?” It isn’t meant to sound like a challenge, but you take it that way, nodding quickly.
His thrusts are wild, pounding into you so relentlessly that you don’t even have time to catch your breath, the two fingers pressed against your clit, quick and precise motions—that’s what sends you over the edge.
“Fuck,” Eddie swears, the last clench of your walls against his cock was all he needed, spilling into the condom, still buried inside you. He holds you close, letting you ride the wave of your own orgasm, nearly in tears by how hard it hits you.
“I’m okay.” You let him know, once you’ve sufficiently recovered, groaning in protest at the feeling of him slipping out of you, discarded the condom in the trash at the corner of his room.
You reach for you shorts, ready to hightail it out of there and get home, much like you usually did after these situations. But, Eddie wasn’t going to let that happen. Not this time.
He shakes his head, making a soft noise as he grabs into your wrist, motioning for you to lay back down, finding your way into the nook of his arm, settled closely against his clothed chest.
“You’re not getting away that quickly,” He complains, kicking his blanket up until it’s covering you both, “I still want to hang out.”
It sounds ridiculous in retrospect, the concept of hanging out now completely out the window, at least it seemed that way. But again, Eddie didn’t care—carrying on with conversation like normal, like he hadn’t just fully wrecked every thought process you’d had, body so fucked out that all you could was lay there, pliant to him.
“We gotta smoke like that more often.” You joke, giggling softly, eyes glancing up to stare into his own deep, brown ones.
“Sweetheart, I can fuck you like that whenever you want—I don’t need to be high.” He points out and you could almost kiss him. Almost.
“We’ll see about.” You reply back coyly, fingers dancing up the side expanse of his chest, thumb catching at the bottom of his lip, which he bites teasingly.
It only takes about a half hour before Eddie has you spread out over his lap, fucking up into you lazily.
“I gotta ask,” You say, breaking the blanket of silence, “Why do you have so many condoms?”
Not to say that Eddie wasn’t pulling—he had to be, but it seemed like overkill.
“Wayne really hates the idea of kids. He just wants me to be safe.”
You snort, and somehow that still doesn’t kill the mood, only sending you into a short fit of laughter. Eddie quickly fucks it out of you though, sending you down the path of your second orgasm that night.
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johns-prince · 5 months
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if you don’t mind, what are some of your favorite soft mclennon moments?
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JOHN: I used to try to get George to rebel with me. I’d say to him, “Look, we don’t need these fuckin’ suits. Let’s chuck them out of the window.” My little rebellion was to have my tie loose with the top button of my shirt undone. Paul’d always come up to me and put it straight. [x]
PAUL: There’s a story that I used to straighten John’s tie before we went on stage. That seems to have become a symbol of what my attitude was supposed to have been. I’ve never straightened anyone’s tie in my life, except perhaps affectionately.
The Times Profile of Paul McCartney - 1982 [x]
“And John and Paul thought back to the time they’d been in Paris before. Flat-broke, unable to afford a taxi, without funds for a decent meal. ‘Maybe we’ll buy the Eiffel Tower this time’, said John with a grin.”
“The Beatles in Paris.” Beatles Book Monthly Magazine No. 8 (March 1964). [x]
““Okay, okay,” I said, “don’t go on, John.” I felt a surge of embarrassment because my instrument was the cause of such hilarity. “Look guys, that’s enough. What have you two been doing while we’ve been struggling to get here? I hope you’ve done some practising and got the song list sorted out?” I was getting more and more annoyed as this episode was dragging on. “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry Len. Paul and I have got it all sorted out. Haven’t we Paul? Paul! Paul! I said haven’t we Paul?” Paul McCartney looked up with a wry smile and paused. “Tonight will run just like clockwork. I am going to give the audience the best rendition of ‘Guitar Boogie’ they have ever heard this side of Garston.” “Hey, this is a new twist,” I said. “Paul just cracked a joke. He must have a sense of humour after all, John, shall we have him in the group?” John was enjoying the banter as ever. “Yeah, we’ll give him another try and if you don’t get it right this time, Jimmy,” Jimmy (James) was Paul’s first name, “then…” John waited to see the expression on Paul’s face. “Then we’ll,” again a pause, and by this time we were hanging on John’s next words, “then we’ll have to send him for some more guitar lessons!” Paul joined in the laughter and at that we were all back to normal.”
— Len Garry, John, Paul and Me: Before The Beatles. (1997) [x]
“One of my great memories of John is from when we were having some argument. I was disagreeing and we were calling each other names. We let it settle for a second and then he lowered his glasses and he said: “It’s only me.” And then he put his glasses back on again. To me, that was John. Those were the moments when I actually saw him without the facade, the armour, which I loved as well, like anyone else. It was a beautiful suit of armour. But it was wonderful when he let the visor down and you’d just see the John Lennon that he was frightened to reveal to the world.” [x]
“Whatever bad things John said about me, he would also slip his glasses down to the end of his nose and say, ’I love you’. That’s really what I hold on to. That’s what I believe. The rest is showing off.” [x]
“I remember being shocked one day when John started worrying about how people would remember him when he was gone. It was an incredibly vulnerable thing for him to come out with. I said to him then, ‘They’ll remember you as a fucking genius, because that’s what you are. But, you won’t give a shit because you’ll be up there, flying across the universe.’” [x]
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“If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him?”  “In bed.” — Paul McCartney answers questions for Q magazine, 1998. [x]
“John and I grew up like twins although he was a year and a half older than me. We grew up literally in the same bed because when we were on holiday, hitchhiking or whatever, we would share a bed. Or when we were writing songs as kids he’d be in my bedroom or I’d be in his. Or he’d be in my front parlour or I’d be in his, although his Aunt Mimi sometimes kicked us out into the vestibule!”
— September 26, 1997, “Paul McCartney - Meet The Beatle” by Steve Richards [x]
“We were recording the other night, and I just wasn’t there. Neither was Paul. We were like two robots going through the motions. We do need each other alot. When we used to get together after a month off, we used to be embarrassed about touching each other. We’d do an elaborate handshake just to hide the embarrassment… or we did mad dances. Then we got to hugging each other.”
— John Lennon, The Beatles by Hunter Davies [x]
Q: “What musician and composer do you respect most?” Paul: “No, I don’t know, really... John Lennon!” John: *mock-shy* “...Paul McCartney.” [x]
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conversations with mccartney, paul du noyer [x]
“It was 8:30. I could hear people talking about the likelihood of a storm later on that evening. I can remember hoping that it would clear up before my cycle ride back to Wavertree. Up to now it had been an eventful day but very tiring and as a group, although committed to playing, we all wished that we could pack up and go home. All of us apart from John Lennon. I think that meeting Paul had whetted his appetite and by the time we went on stage for our session at 8:45 he looked refreshed and seemed to have a new sparkle, as though he had had an injection of renewed optimism and enthusiasm as he played and sang through our usual repertoire that evening. […] I went outside for some air and a smoke; John and Pete decided to come with me. We stood outside pulling on our cigarettes, enjoying the breeze that had risen with the oncoming storm. “Do you know, John,” remarked Pete as we stood outside, “I’ve never heard you sound as good as you did just then. I know you’re going to say that I’m not very musical but I could hear the difference. I can see that something’s happened to you. Even the skiffle numbers which I know you’re not that keen on sounded good. You seem to have put more effort into them.” “Pete’s right, John. I couldn’t help noticing it as well,” I said. John was silent for a few minutes, just enjoying his smoke. “I guess someone took the trouble to share what he knew with me and it’s just given me a little encouragement for the future, that’s all.” “Oh I see, you’re getting a little sentimental in your old age, aren’t you,” joked Pete, who had never seen his life-long friend in that light before. “Don’t be thick, Pete,” replied John, who seemed almost back to his normal abrupt self. “Come on, I need a drink.”” — Len Garry, John, Paul and Me: Before The Beatles. (1997) [x]
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[x]
Paul's persistence and endless patience for John while he was dealing with the death of his mother Julia:
But Paul seemed to have limitless patience for John, sneaking away from his classes to drink coffee at the Jacaranda coffeehouse, or else spend the afternoon nursing pints and punching rock ‘n’ roll songs on the jukebox at Ye Cracke pub. Certainly, Paul preferred hanging out with his friend to grinding through lectures and assignments at his schoolboy’s desk at the Liverpool Institute. But the hours they spent together held an emotional significance, too. For even if they rarely spoke about the pain of losing their mothers, the mutual feelings of loss—and the rawness of John’s wound—gave them a connection that was as vital as it was unspoken. It was, Paul said later, a “special bond for us, something of ours, a special thing.” … “We could look at each other,” Paul said, “and know.”” 
John, however, had other things on his mind. Though the fall of 1958 and well into 1959, John was far too busy engaging in art-school life—if not exactly his studies—to think much about playing in a rock ‘n’ roll band. He had started dating another student, a quiet blonde from the relatively posh Hoylake district on the Wirral, named Cynthia Powell. She proved a warm, stabilizing influence, which helped mitigate John’s ongoing grief and rage.
He had also grown particularly close to one of the school’s most promising students, a blazingly talented painter named Stuart Sutcliffe, whose emotional portraits and densely wrought abstracts had already caught the eye of the university’s instructors, along with the gallery owners, artists and critics who orbited the bohemian section that bordered the campus. John had been drawn to Stu’s talent, too, and when his classmate invited John to move into his large, if downtrodden, flat around the corner from the college in a row of once-elegant homes on Gambier Terrace, the two art students became even closer. The flat became a hub for their college friends, a reliable address for drinking bouts and all-night parties.
 Nevertheless, Paul made certain not to be a stranger. He was a regular around Gambier Terrace, often toting his guitar to spur a little playing and singing, and if circumstance permitted, a bit of songwriting. John remained an eager music fan, and generally enthusiastic partner for playing and singing. But his disinterest in the band, prompted at least in part by his deepening friendship with Stu, frustrated Paul. 
John was moving on, and not in a promising direction. George, for his part, had grown sick of waiting and joined the jazz-and-skiffle centered Les Stewart Quartet, though he made it clear to Paul he’d be back with the Quarrymen whenever they resumed playing. Paul, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in playing with anyone else. For whatever combination of emotional or visceral reasons, he couldn’t seem to imagine a musical life that didn’t include John Lennon as his primary partner.
So he persisted, dragging his guitar to Gambier Terrace, making himself a fixture amid the empty beer bottles, overflowing ashtrays, shattered Vicks inhalers, and paint-splattered clothes.
If John didn’t evince any interest in being in a band, Paul would simply wait, guitar at the ready, until he did.
— Peter Ames Carlin, Paul McCartney: A Life [x]
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elliesflower · 11 months
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loser!!!!!bff!!!!ellie!!!!!!!! hc's
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i’m just jumping on the loser!ellie train bc i actually love it and i feel like she’s such a loser despite her commitment issues like…she wants to believe in love so bad, SO BAD that she is actually a hopeless romantic deep down she literally can’t help it but it’s trapped under her awkward funny girl exterior. she's so me fr 😵‍💫
all these are sfw except for a lil sum special for you FREAKS at the end teehee so as with all my content, please 18+ only, mdni!!!
cw; afab!reader, smut (at the end)
♡ all her doodles of cat and dina hello??? she’d have a whole fucking journal dedicated to just drawings of you, every time you hang out she’d be discreetly letting her eyes linger on your face so that she can sketch you out later. and she’d smile while sketching you i know she would, her cheeks would get all red and maybe she’d even giggle she wants you so bad!!! 
♡ she’d be on patrol and see a beautiful yellow flower and immediately think of you, she has to pick it for her best friend, she HAS to!! she’d lose her balance on her damn horse trying to protect it from getting damaged while she rode back into town, but it’s worth it to see the smile on your pretty face 
♡ i feel like she'd follow you around. in any context. patrol? she's slightly behind your horse to keep an eye on you. walking around jackson? she's literally always right behind your left shoulder, letting you lead the way. party at dina's? she's practically glued to you the whole night, and when the liquor would hit she was a little handsy, pathetically looping a finger through your belt loop as she followed you to the bathroom, moving your hair out of your face when you'd talk to her, etc.. and of course the next day she'd get so sick when she recalled her behavior, feeling shameful and wondering if you were catching on (ofc you were).
♡ and she’d dream about you all the time oh my gosh! esp after hanging out with you all day she wouldn’t be able to get you out of her head when she gets home. maybe she’ll definitely even write your name with a little heart next to it in her journal when she’s recalling the day. her subconscious would manifest the way that you looked trying to play her guitar into her dreams that night
♡ speaking of guitar, she’d 10000% write songs for you. she wouldn’t tell you they’re for you, of course, she’d just play the most beautiful love song you’ve ever heard and play it off like it was nothing. but when she gets home she’d probably cry because she was too scared to make a move on you :( 
♡ i also mentioned this in a previous post but this bitch would love frank ocean, so i can see her falling asleep listening to thinkin bout you and crying bout you :( or imagine in a modern world her sketching in her journal while listening to ivy before she starts to cry because she's so frustrated by her own awkwardness, and the fact she can't ever seem to tell you how she feels :((((
♡ if you ever got into another relationship would be beating herself up over it, like why didn't she make a move sooner? and she wouldn't be able to help herself, she'd get extra moody whenever your partner was around, distant and clearly irritated. poor baby is just so bad at expressing her feelings that whenever you'd ask her about it she'd just throw it under the rug and say she's on her period or something
♡ but when you and your partner inevitably broke up, of course she was right there to be your shoulder to cry on. you'd show up at her house sobbing in the middle of the night, and i think it would take her aback, honestly, how she felt her own tears falling as she embraced you on her doorstep. she would be so emotionally connected to you, your tears were hers, and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel better. she'd throw out an empty threat to your ex, and it'd make you smile. she loves to see you smile, gosh she'd do anything to make you happy, she just loves you so much!
♡ she wouldn't. stop. with the fucking. dad jokes. she'd be insatiable, truly, like...you were starting to wonder if she was getting off on telling them to you or something. but really, she just wanted to make you feel better, any little thing she could do to make you laugh would make her feel like she did good enough for the day
♡ and you'd start to see her romantically after a while, how could you not? and why didn't you sooner? she'd be so easily flustered though, every time your hand would linger on her shoulder, or whenever you'd squeeze her even tighter as you watched a horror movie...her heart would start beating all fast and her cheeks would get so rosy. maybe her pussy would even throb when she noticed you bending over extra slowly while getting dressed one day. and of course you were doing it for her
♡ she wouldn't be able to contain herself when you kiss her for the first time. and of course you made the first move, you think a loser like ellie would ever kiss you first? she'd been so desperate for you for so long i really think she might whine into your mouth. she's a whimperer, really, she'd probably gasp when you shove your hand down the front of her pants and get your fingers moving over her clit,
"oh! oh m'god," she'd be pathetic, her jaw clenching as she whined into your shoulder while your fingers slid between her wet folds with ease. she'd cum so fucking fast you'd barely have time to blink, repeating your name over and over like a prayer as she made a mess of your hand. you've never seen her like this, lust clouding her inhibition and making her so desperate it was like she was brainless, grabbing your wrist and bringing your slick-covered fingers to her mouth to suck them clean.
"i gotta taste you," she'd whine, and she'd make sure you were comfortable on the bed before spreading your legs and eating you out like she was a woman possessed, literally drunk on the taste of your pussy.
"taste so fucking good," between kitten licks to your clit, did she even know what she was saying? "i love you, i fucking love you," of course she was confessing her love for you now, when she had her nose buried in your cunt, intoxicated by the sound of your moans and the feeling of your skin being indented by her fingertips.
she may be a loser, but she'd be your loser.
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strawb3rryscorpio · 6 months
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Saw your recent post saw a Dominic fike tag maybe dating headcannons?
𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐅𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒:
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most romantic mf on the planet. i mean weekly date nights, flowers and gifts at random times. he insists he does all that because he wants to make up for the time he spends in the studio and you really can’t complain with 2k hanging from your neck
pet names!!!!! and from the both of you. you will almost never call each other by your actual name. also it’s literally anything from babe, baby, love, sweetheart, honey.
backtracking to date nights. if it’s something more casual, you will catch a movie and then go out for dinner or you’ll walk around town and window shop. if it’s something formal though, you’ll get dressed up and eat out at a fancy restaurant and then explore the area afterwards talking about anything and everything.
he would get you to listen to his new music before anyone else would. and in all honesty he only really considers and trusts your opinion on what he should release.
you would be his number one supporter no matter what project he was working on. you’d attend as many shows as possible and watch from backstage or even in front of barricade, sometimes. you’d also go to visit him on set if he was filming something, which he’d really enjoy.
while on the topic of music, he is definitely the master of writing tacky songs and then playing then on the guitar you both know it’s cringey but deep down you absolutely love it.
like he’ll notice you being down one day and he’ll tell you to give him five minutes, and before you know it, he’s back and singing some lyrics about how beautiful you are and how he hates when you’re down.
dumb arguments about dumb things are a give. whether it’s about a missing sweater or who has to do the dishes. no matter what though, he will be the first to apologize. (he’s for that princess treatment)
he’s also pretty jealous but it’s like he’s execute it in a toxic or harmful way. he knows his limits and he knows he trusts you but sometimes he cannot help but start imaginary beef with any man that makes conversation with you.
you’d be the IT couple at every event with your matching outfits every time!!! anytime you attend an event together the pictures end up blowing up on social media.
you’d be everyone’s favourite/comfort couple. every time you post some dumb tiktok with him, it’ll end up going viral with tons of likes and comments.
he’s very clingy and i stand by that. your doing laundry? he’s following you around. at an event? he’s trailing behind you. even to the bathroom. you’re running errands? he’s up and ready to go.
you’d assume the clinginess would get annoying at times, but you absolutely love it.
enjoying the most mundane activities together. like folding laundry, cooking, and doing your skincare.
he’s is 100% the type to say that a moment is cute out loud and ruin the moment. it makes you laugh out loud every time he does it.
you’ll be sitting out on the balcony smoking a joint and he’ll say something around the lines of, ‘this is like out of a movie’. you’ll laugh but you agree. ‘dom, when you say it out loud, it ruins it!’
while on the topic of smoking, you guys spend every saturday night out on the balcony smoking a joint or hitting a bong and just talking about random shit and giggling the entire time.
posting each other all the time. he’s always posting cute pictures of you on his story and feed and you’ll post cute pictures of you two together.
his family would absolutely adore you. you’d spend girls day with his little sister quite often. you and his mom would call each other often and talk about anything.
he’s really sensitive even though he might not seem like it. you always watch him closely at events or even during nights out with friends to see if anything is bothering him or if someone’s pissing him off. to you, he’s very easy to read and you know exactly what to do.
you are also so open with each other about every little thing. you’re the definitely the couple that tells each other the tiniest little details about your day. you’ll get texts from each other like ‘just ate an apple’, ‘i put chia seeds in my smoothie’. and just cute things like that.
bomb. ass. sex. do i even need to elaborate??? it’s just so good and keeps you both happy and the relationship super healthy.
super touchy too!! throughout the day he has to have a hand on your boob, thigh, over your shoulder, or on your hip. literally anywhere at all times.
being the ushy gushiest couple ever !!!
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h speaks🪽: i am obviously speaking from experience. i hope you enjoyed and be sure to request anything you’d like!!! appreciate anyone who reads my work it means a lot 💝
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samandcolbyownme · 2 months
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Summary: a request by @morchilluv - "we definitely need a slow burn story of Sam and the reader with some sexual tension and being smutty"
Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, kind of a sad slow burn romance, a dash of sexual tension (I feel like I make up for it), flirting, real feelings being masked, not so secret jealously, passive aggressive comments/actions, slightly angsty, biting, scratching, hair pulling, unprotected passionate sex, filth
Word count: 8.6k | NOT edited
I didn't mean for this to be as sad as it actually is, but I like it regardless. Sorry if it's not exactly what the request asks, I tried!
╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
YOUNGER YEARS
Your family has always been friends with Sam's family, so naturally, anytime there was a party, you and Sam would always run off to hang out.
You had a massive crush on him, and since you were young, you didn't really know how well to conceal it, so your cheeks were always red and your smile never faded with him.
You had a habit of taking pictures, the sunsets, the clouds, animals. You even have multiple blurry pictures of the moon. You took pictures of literally anything that made you happy, and eventually, you got comfortable enough with taking pictures of Sam any time you wanted to.
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He always posed or smiled, but that was always when he knew you were taking a picture. He'd even send you selfies throughout the day on days you weren't hanging out.
You snapped canid pictures of him, too. One of your favorites is him playing the guitar.
You were just kids at the time, not really knowing what love was exactly, but you knew that you didn't want to be without him, even if you were just friends.
That's what it was for a while. You mainly had his attention, even when he did get a girlfriend or talked to a girl. It was puppy, middle school love, so it never really lasted long.
Eventually, Colby started to hang out with you guys, becoming the trio that you are today, but we'll get into that.
Colby would always tease you about liking Sam. He knew before Sam ever did, which honestly to you, took a while for him to understand, or so you thought.
As you became friends for some time, Sam started to flirt back on occasion, mainly when it was just the two of you. When Colby was around, or anyone else for the matter, he wouldn't flirt.
He treated you like he treated Colby, on some levels that is, and it was like that for a while.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Sam and Colby grew big on Vine, quickly building a platform for themselves on YouTube.
You weren't in any of their videos, mainly because you just thought it was weird and you didn't think you could do it.
They've tried and tried again to get you to join them, and you did for maybe one or two videos, but you just sat back mostly, helping them with certain ideas and skits.
You were the girl who always got accused of being one of their girlfriends because you were always with them.
For a while you all took turns replying to certain tweets, denying it, but eventually, you all came to the realization that with fame, comes persistent fans, so all three of you decided to just let people think what they wanted.
You still wished that the rumors between you and Sam would come true, being a teenage girl, you were always told that a girl shouldn't chase a guy, but before you actually realized it, that's exactly what you were doing.
Once graduation hit, you moved from the place you grew up in, to LA.
Sam and Colby got a nice, lavish apartment, with an extra bedroom for editing and one for you, of course.
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You traveled with them. Explored with them.
You really became a big part of the 'XPLR' team and an even bigger part of you fell deeper in love with Sam.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
PRESENT DAY
Sam has been heavy on your mind lately, mainly because you thought it was finally time to tell him how you were really feeling.
For years, you've convinced yourself that he knew and liked you, too. The constant flirting back and forth, finding yourself in moments to where you weren't really sure what was going to happen, but it was full of tension, but in a good way.
Sexual tension.
It was there, always surrounding the two of you at the best such as when you're filming a reaction video and he the way he looks at you is just pure lust, or even when you're at home, watching a movie and a sex scene comes on.
Your mind instantly goes to recreating it Sam, and the way he looks at you makes you think that he has those same thoughts with you.
Then there's the worst times, where you're out with friends, drinking. You take one tipsy look at Sam and you feel like you're done for. The only thing stopping you is completely making a fool out of not really yourself, but Sam.
So as usual, it doesn't go anywhere but shoved to the back of your mind.
You kept falling in love with him all over again, doing whatever it took to keep him in your life, but then everything took a turn and you suddenly felt yourself almost hating him.
Girl after girl, situation after situation, you found yourself wanting to distance yourself, save yourself from a massive heartbreak, but it was a little too late for that.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
"Where are you going?" Sam asks, looking up at you as you get up from your chair.
"To get a drink." You laugh, "You want one?"
He nods, looking back down at his phone, "Yeah, can you bring me one of those strawberry smoothie things?" You purse your lips, "I think there's only one left."
He looks up from his phone dropping it into his lap, "Really?" You nod, "Yeah and that's what I was going to get."
After a few seconds of silence, you find yourself racing to the kitchen, trying to beat Sam to the fridge. He grabs your waist, pulling you back and spinning you away from the door, "No, it's mine!"
You turn, pushing him backwards, "No! I wanted it first!" You laugh, "It's mine!"
He wraps his arm around your waist, lifting you up so your feet are just off the floor, "No, no. It's mine." He walks you back to the couch and throws you onto it with a laugh, "Stay!"
He turns, running towards the kitchen but you leap off the couch, catching up to him and jumping onto his back.
His hands grip the back of your thighs, "Big mistake, missy."
You cover his eyes, "Oh yeah? Try finding the fridge now." He laughs, reaching one arm out in front of him, "You act like I don't have this kitchen engraved in my mind."
He walks over to the fridge and you extend an arm out, trying to stop him. He reaches up, you still clung to his back, and pulls your hand from his face, "Just.." he opens the door, "Let me.." he groans as he reaches forward for the bottle, "Have it!"
"No! It's mine!" You can't help but laugh, "Sam!"
He leans back and you slam your hands to his chest as you feel like you're going to fall, "No! Don't do that!"
He laughs and walks back, "Sit."
"No." You tighten your legs and he sighs, "Fine, we can stay here all day. I don't care." He laughs and you tilt your head, leaning over to look at him, "I'll sit.. if you promise to share it with me."
He sighs, "You're asking a lot." He smiles and looks over at you, "fine."
You hold out your pinky, "Promise."
He brings his hand up, locking his pinky with yours, "I promise."
You slide off his back onto the counter, keeping your eyes on him as he walks forward to the fridge and grabs the bottle.
He turns around, pretending like he's going to run away and you move forward, stopping when he stops, "Ha! Gotcha!"
"I hate you." You smile, rolling your eyes as you sit back comfortably, "Now, give me some." You reach out and he walks over, standing between your knees.
You take a quiet breath, looking up at him as he cracks open the drink.
You've always wanted him to fuck you on the counter. Every time you're in the kitchen with him, you have hopes of him just bending you over and-
"Y/n." Sam waves his hand in front of your face and you blink, "Hmm?"
"I said here." He holds the open drink up and you laugh, "Oh, yeah. Sorry." You take it, bringing it up to your lips.
"What are you doing? Daydreaming about me?" He teases with a smirk and you about choke on your drink, "Mm." You cover your mouth with your wrist, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
He shrugs, "That depends."
"On what?" You tilt your head, taking a sip again and he sighs, laying his hands on your knees, "Tell me and I'll tell you."
"Mm, I see." You nod, "Okay. I was daydreaming about you... giving me the rest of this drink."
"I'll give you the rest of something." He mumbles before snatching the half full drink from your hand. He drink a little bit more of it, keeping his eyes on you as he tilts his head back slightly.
"Please do." You smirk and he shakes his head, "You'd like that too much." He hands you the drink back and steps back, "I'm going to go edit."
You let out a quiet sigh, "Okay."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
A Few Hours Later
"What are you guys thinking for dinner?" Colby asks as he walks into the editing room. You sit up from the bed, glancing at Sam, "I honestly have no idea."
"Are we going out to eat or?" Sam leans back, spinning around in the chair to face Colby.
Colby nods, "I mean, how else are we going to celebrate that we got a yes to explore the place everyone else gets a no from."
Sam jumps up from the chair, "What!?" He lays a hand on his head, "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking with me?"
You smile, watching Sam get exited like a kid in a candy store, "I don't think he's joking, Sam."
"Show me." Sam walks over, "Show me, that god dang email." He watches intently as Colby taps on his screen, "Now do you believe me?"
Sam takes a step backwards, "Do you know what this is going to do for us, Colby?" His eyes move to you and your smile grows smaller.
It's always been hot and cold with you and Sam.
One minute you could be inches away from kissing, then the next he's taking some girl to an abandoned zoo to hang out.
You think that it's because he probably doesn't know you like him, but then at the same time, you also think, how the fuck doesn't he know?
"Congratulations guys." You say getting up from the bed, "I'm proud of you both." You go to walk out, but stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder, "and where do you think you're going?"
You laugh slightly, turning around, "To my room?"
"It better be to get dressed because you're coming, too." Sam smiles and you tilt your head, "Really?"
Colby steps in, "Y/n. You have been with us from the start. You've helped us crack some of the cases we weren't even sure we could. You're a vital part of this, so yes. Of course you're coming."
You nod, "Okay. I'll go get ready." You slowly turn and walk to your room, Colby's speech replaying in your head.
You loved both of them, Colby platonically, Sam, not so much.
You'd be his if he asked, in a heartbeat. You've loved that man since you first laid eyes on him in middle school.
But it's never been you.
You sit down at your vanity, cycling through your lip sticks as you decide on what color dress you should wear tonight.
"Hey." Sam's voice is quiet and you turn around, "Can we talk?" You nod, setting down the lipstick tube, "What's up, Sam?"
He walks over, sitting on the end of your bed. He chews on the inside of his cheek, "So, I'm thinking about inviting someone to dinner and I figured that maybe you can help her feel comfortable throughout the night? Talk with her, ya know. Be her friend?"
You're kind of shocked, but you shouldn't be. Yes, Sam shows interests in you, but it's mainly when there's not someone else trying to get his attention.
As much as you don't want to feel like a second choice, that's honestly how you end up feeling at the end of the day.
"Yeah." You smile, lying through your teeth, "Not a problem at all."
"Really?" He sighs, "Thank you. She's kind of nervous because you know how people are, and if it gets out that we're ce-"
"I know how it goes Sam." You laugh slightly, "Don't worry about it."
"I owe you one." He stands up, giving you a smile as he turns and walks away. You turn back to the mirror and see him stop.
You watch as he turns around, leaning against the doorframe, "You should wear the white dress." He knocks on the frame and smirks before he disappears.
You sit there, analyzing the situation, which you know you shouldn't do because it's just going to drive you insane, like why tell you what dress to wear?
What's it matter?
You huffed, taking a deep breath as you switch on your curling iron. You set it down, giving it time to heat up by getting all of your makeup that you're going to use out.
You paint your lips in the deep red color, smirking as you know it'll go good with that ivory white color.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
After curling your hair, you stand up, walking over to your closet and opening the doors. You push through the clothes, eyes dragging up and down every other dress option until you reach that certain one.
You take it off the hanger, turning around to lay it on your bed. You walk over to the door, getting ready to close it, when Colby's hand stops it from closing completely.
"Colby?" You question and open the door a bit more, "I'm getting ready to change."
He nods, "It'll be quick, I just want to make sure you're good."
You give him a confused look, "I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
He shrugs, "I just know big dinners aren't really your thing, so I just wanted to-"
"I'm good, Colbs. Thank you." You give him a smile, knowing that that isn't why he asked. You've been tied at the hip with them for years.
He knows you like the back of his hand, but he never wants to push to get answers from you. He knows you'll come to him if it ever came down to it.
You close the door and turn out, letting out a sigh because you weren't fine. If you didn't have such great self control, you would have smacked sense into Sam when he was sitting on the end of your bed.
You walk over, taking off your clothes to replace them with the beautiful ivory dress in front of you. It was a chiffon wrap dress with mesh sleeves, and to say the least, you were in love with it.
You walk over, bending down to find a pair of heels to match, and quickly enough, you found a pair right on top.
You make sure you have everything you need for the night before flicking the lights off as you walk out of your room.
Colby whistles as you walk down the steps and you smirk, "Boosting my ego, are we?" You walk over to him and he shrugs, "Like it's my job." He laughs and leans back against the counter to check his phone, "Yo Sam! We gotta get going, brotha."
You've got to be kidding me, you think as Sam walks down the steps. He's wearing a, pretty much, all white outfit. The only thing that isn't white are his shoes and the zipper on his jacket.
Same ivory color as your dress.
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"Are we ready?" Sam asks as he opens his gold glasses to put them on. Colby laughs, "We were waiting for you, so question is." Colby points to Sam, "Are you ready?"
Sam laughs and runs his hand through his hair, "Let's do it."
You follow them towards the door and they let you walk out first. You stop before the steps, waiting for them to shut and lock the door.
You follow Colby down the steps towards the car, Sam following behind you. Colby opens your door, letting you get in first.
You sit in the back row with Colby. Sam in the row in front of you guys because, you know, he has a date and all.
"Where to?" The driver asks and Sam hums, "Mm. One second." You watch over his shoulder as he asks some, Lylah, what her address is.
Colby nudges you and you look back at him. He smiles as he shakes his head, mouthing, "What are you doing?"
You lean back, whispering to him, "Just being nosey."
You laugh, along with Colby and Sam turns around, "Secrets don't make friends you know." You raise your brows, looking down to pick at your dress with your fingers, "Lots of things don't make friends, Sam."
You force a laugh, trying to not make it seem as deep as it really is, to you at least.
You can feel Colby stare at you as Sam tells the driver where he's supposed to go and you just shake your head.
You didn't have to talk to Colby about anything, because he already knew.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
You come to a stop outside a rich looking apartment building, it looks like a fancy hotel.
Sam gets out and you bend down, leaning over Colby as you peer out the window, "Shit." You whisper quietly.
"Do you know this girl, Colby?" You ask leaning back up. Colby shrugs, "I've met her once, I think? It was when we were going meet and greets, she came and hung out with us with for the day, but I barely spoke to her."
"Hmm. Okay." You nod, leaning back against the seat, watching from the corner of your eye as Sam and his lady friend walk around to get in.
There's a perfectly good door.. right there, you think, rolling your eyes subtly as her head dips into view, "Hi Colby."
"Hey. How are ya?" Colby nods and she sits down with a sigh, "I'm actually doing pretty good." Her eyes move to you, "Hi y/n." She tilts her head, "I love the dress you're wearing."
Sam gets in, glancing back at you after closing the door.
Yeah, Sam told me to wear it, is what you want to say, "Thank you, it's the chiffon wrap dress from the new collection that just dropped from Zelenki's."
"Oh, yes! I love their clothing. I just bought a pair of jeans from there the other day. I'm super excited to see them." She smiles, turning towards Sam, "We need to get this guy on their site. He would look so good in some of their button ups."
She points to Sam and you nod, "Yeah, I'm sure he would."
Her face kinda falls for a second before she blinks and brushes her bangs from her face, "So where are we going to celebrate?"
"We decided on Ambiance." Colby says and she claps her hands together, "I love going there." She looks at you, "Y/n, if you're into alcohol, they have the best martini's."
You nod, "You bet I'll be drinking tonight."
Colby taps your leg, trying not to laugh, and you shrug, "To celebrate these guys getting the deal of a lifetime."
"Well, I wouldn't say t- well, you know what. We can say that." Sam laughs, smiling as he looks back at Colby.
Colby reaches up, patting Sam's shoulder, "This year is going to be sick for us."
After arriving to the restaurant, you get out and stand next to Colby. Sam and Lylah walk around and you have to look away, because if you don't, your face will give it away that you think her dress is completely ridiculous.
It looks like a prom dress that's been cut at the thigh.
"Pretty dress." You force a smile and she slides her hand down the front to smooth it out, "Thanks. Sam actually told me to wear it, he said he wanted to do a blue and white thing to kind of match."
Her eyes graze up and down your dress, moving to Sam's outfit as she lays her hand on his chest. You can tell that it really bothers her that you and Sam are the ones who are actually matching.
It's written all over her face.
"Alright." Colby claps his hands together, "Let's go in, because I'm hungry." He wraps his arm around your waist, leading you inside a head of Sam and Laylah.
"Brock and Golbach." Colby tells the host and he nods, "Ah yes. Right this way please."
You follow Colby through the sea of tables, making your way to the one room in the back corner.
"Your waitress will be right with you." The host nods and walks away.
Colby pulls your chair out, allowing you to sit before taking his seat next to yours. Sam sits in front of Colby, Layla in front of you.
"So, she leans forward, the martini I was talking about was this one." She points her pink painted nail onto the little card, "The chocolate martini. It's to die for."
Colby sniffles, hinting that you need to be nice, so you smile, "I think that's what I'll get then. Put your trust to the test." You wink at her and lean back, looking down at your menu.
You really did want to be nice to her, but mainly because Sam asked you to. But, at the same time, he doesn't see what's right in front of him, so you also wanted to kind of give him a, hey, fuck you.
"The pomegranate martini is also really good." You look up at her and she tilts her, "Well then I guess I'll have to put your trust to the test." She smiles and you laugh slightly with a nod, "Alright then."
As time goes on, more friends of Sam and Colby come in, joining the table. Everyone orders and now you're conversing back and forth with different people.
Every so often, your eyes will move towards Sam, and his eyes will meet yours.
Every time, you ask yourself why, and even how can he be so blind?
Colby lays his arm on the top of your chair, Sam's eyes following his movements before bringing his glass to his lips. He looks over at Laylah, leaning in to take a selfie with her.
He smiles that beautiful smile and you force yourself to look away.
"so y/n. Will you be joining the boys on this exciting trip?" Laylah sets her phone down, folding her arms over one another as she leans forward.
You look between Sam and Colby, shrugging slightly, "It's ultimately up to them, but I would lo-"
Sam and Colby speak at the same time, cutting you off, "She's coming."
Not only you, but Laylah raises her brows too, "Well I guess that answers that." She laugh, bringing her wide mouthed glass to her lips, finishing the rest of her drink, "I'm going to go get another one, y/n. Care to join?"
You reach down, grabbing your glass and finishing it, "I would love to." You smile, rising from your seat, smiling to the others as you walk around the long and full table.
"So, anything new with you?" She asks as you walk up to the bar. You shrug, "Nothing really." You laugh, "I mean, nothing more than the trips to investigate the ghostly world."
She nods, "I could never do that." She looks away to raise a hand to the bartender then back to you, "Is it really as scary as the videos make it seem?"
You nod, "Oh yeah. It's one thing to watch it through a screen but it's another thing to actually be there and witness it."
She nods, "Yeah I bet." She turns, "I'll have another pomagranete martini, and she'll have.." she points to you and you lean in, "Make it two."
The bartender nods and Laylah turns back to you, "So I don't really know how to ask this." She laughs, "Um."
"Just ask. I'm an open book." You smile and your smile quickly fades when the words leave her lips, "Clearly."
"What's that supposed to mean?" You tilt your head, slightly confused as to what changed. She clears her throat, "If you have a thing for Sam, I'm going to need you to drop it."
"If I have a- what? What the hell are you talking about?" You laugh, "I don't have a thing for Sam."
"Then why did you dress to match him? Why is it that I find you looking at him every time you think I'm not looking?" She sighs, "I get it, Sam is very, very handsome, and it's okay to be a little jealous, but can you not let your jealousy seep through, because if it happens anymore, it'll literally stain my dress."
You stand there, completely dumbfounded in silence.
She turns, "Oh, thank you." She grabs the glasses, handing one to you, "Cheers." She winks and starts walking back to the table.
You follow her, your cheeks heating up as you become angry at what just happened. You take a calming breath before you pass through the doors, putting on a smile as you walk back around to your seat.
"Everything go okay?" Sam asks and Laylah smiles, glancing up at you, "Oh yeah. Everything is just perfect." She leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek and you clench your jaw.
You bring your glass to your lips and take a long sip.
"Attention, everyone." Someone at the end of the table stands up as they clink their glass. You lean forward, looking around Colby to see and you smile when you see their friend standing there.
"I just want to say a huge congratulations to Sam and Colby for landing this investigation. This is going to be one of the biggest investigations they've ever done and I cannot be more proud of them, so without further ado, please. Give my pals a huge, huge round of applause."
Sam and Colby stand up, smiling and batting their hands. You reach out, grabbing your phone so you can record a story for Instagram.
You smile as you type the words, congratulations guys. You deserve this so, so, so much!
You tag them and set your phone back down after posting. Colby leans in, "You're a part of this, too. Don't let them saying just us fool you."
You really felt like part of the team, that was until you got back from Italy, but that'll come with time.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
After dinner and an hour or two of talking about Poveglia, the four of you make your way back to the car.
"How long will you be in Italy for?" Laylah asks laying her hand on Sam's shoulder. She twirls his hair around her finger and you roll your eyes as you look away.
"A few days, four at most. We planned on seeing Venice again while we're over that way." Sam looks at her, giving her a smile.
She smiles, her eyes glancing back at you before she runs her hair through his hair, "Do you know when you leave?"
You and Colby look at each other, giving each other a look of disgust.
You knew what she was doing, and she knew it, too.
Sam shrugs, "Probably not for another week or so."
"So we have time to spend together before you flee the country." She giggles, "I mean, that's only if you want to."
Sam nods, "I mean.. I don't see why not." He chuckles and points, "Here, I'll walk you to the door." Sam opens the door when the driver stops and helps her out.
As soon as the door shuts, word vomit.
"When I went up to bar with her to get another drink, she cornered me and pretty much flipped out on me. She said that if I have a thing for Sam I need to drop it and then asked why I dressed to match him and then she said that I took any chance I got when she wasn't look, or I thought she wasn't looking to look at him and then to top it off she said that if anymore jealously seeped out of me it would literally stain her dress."
You take a breath and look at Colby who's staring at you, "I'm sorry, what?"
"She basically sa-" you stop talking as soon as the door opens again, and Sam gets back in, turning around to look at you, "So did you have fun?"
"Oh yeah." You raise your brows, "So much fun."
The driver starts to drive you guys back home.
"Are you okay?" Sam asks and you look up, ready to snap but you bite your tongue, "I'm fine, I just.. have a headache."
"Mm." Sam nods and turns back around. He brings his phone up, "What the fuck?"
"What's going on, Sam?" Colby asks and Sam face his phone towards you and Colby, "She's literally blowing up my phone."
"Why?" You ask, and Sam scoffs, "Why is she saying that you cornered her at the bar?"
"I didn't. If you want the truth she cornered me. I literally just told Colby everything that happened as soon as you got out." You motion towards Colby, "She accused me of liking you and basically said that I dressed to match you on purpose which, Sam. If I'm correct. You told me to wear this fucking dress."
"Let's not argue in here, please." Colby says trying to defuse the situation.
"Who said we're arguing?" You and Sam say the same time and you both huff.
"Exactly." Colby shakes his head, "Can we just wait until we get h-"
"Why would she say that you did though?" Sam looks at you and you shrug, "I don't know, maybe because she knows that we're close and I was bound to tell you?"
"Were you going to tell me?" Sam tilts his head and you shake your head, "No."
"Why?"
"Because Sam. I don't really think it matters, does it." You snap and the driver awkwardly puts his hand up, "You guys are uh.." he clears his throat, "Home."
"Thank you." You all say in unison. Colby gets out and helps you out and Sam comes around, ready to keep going but you walk away.
"Really?" He says loudly, "You're just going to walk away?" We need to talk about this."
"Can we do this inside?" Colby tries again but you stop in your tracks, turning around on your heels to walk back to him, "Do you really want to know why it's really not that important Sam?"
"Guys come on." Colby groans, "Please."
Ignoring Colby, Sam nods, "Yeah. I really do."
"Because you're bound to take your new girlfriend's side anyway, so why does hearing my side even matter?" You throw your arms up, "I've been trying to get-"
You stop talking and Sam tilts his head, "Trying to get what, y/n." Sam says plainly and you snort, "I don't even.." you shake your head, "You're so blind to certain things in front of you, that you just.."
You shake your head, "I can't do this. I can't do this right now." You blink away the tears that are forming quickly and turn to go inside.
Colby is standing there with the door already open and you barge past him. Sam on your tail calling out for you, "Y/n. Wait. Wait."
You stop halfway up the steps, "it doesn't. Matter. Sam. What don't you get."
He gets pissed, "Fine. Then don't fucking tell me. If you just want to run from this like you run from everything else th-" he stops talking, quickly coming to the realization that what he said was not what he wanted to come out.
You stand there, letting the tears you tried to blink away, fall, "Fuck. You."
You turn, running up to your room, shutting the door with a slam. You grab a suitcase, sobbing as you begin to throw clothes into it.
You hear footsteps come to your door and you sniffle, holding your breath so you can try and hear who it is.
There's a knock and you sigh, nose stuffy, "Go away, Sam." You wipe your cheek with your palm and Colby speaks from the other side of the door, "It's not Sam."
You take a second, hesitating to open the door but you give in. You walk over, cracking the door open and walking away to sit on your bed.
He slips in, not opening the door more than he has to, "Hey."
You sniffle, laughing slightly, "Hey."
He walks over, sitting next to you, "Are you-"
He stops talking as you look at him with a mascara streaked face. He nods, "Right. Yeah." You shake your head, looking towards the door, "What happened to us?"
"Us? You and me were fine." He smirks and you smile slightly, "You know what I mean."
He nods, "I don't think anything happened, y/n. I think.." he pauses and you look at him, "Just say it. I know you already know so just.." you push your hands out in front of you, "Lay it on me. Can't do much more damage."
"I'm just going to tell you what I think is happening, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, okay?" He look at you and you nod.
He nods, "Okay, so what I think happened, is that you are sick of Sam not seeing that you're in love with him."
Colby's words hurt, and the fact that they're true, makes it hurt even worse.
You nod, silently as you try not to cry.
"I also think, now, I love Sam to death, and I will tell you in true honestly that I did call him out on this, but I think Sam has led you on in a way." Colby looks over to the door and back to you.
"He's not on the other side of the door listening is he?" You point to it and Colby shakes his head, "No. he's in his room, waiting for his turn with therapist Colby."
You laugh slightly, taking in a sharp breath as your urge to cry comes back, "I just.." your voice cracks with your words, "I can't keep doing this."
"I know." Colby whispers, laying his arm around your shoulder, "I know."
"The constant flirting, him telling me to wear a dress that matches him without even telling me it matches and then completely blindsiding me with, oh he wanted to do a blue and white matching theme, fuck that."
You stand up, "I just don't-" you lay your hand on your face, "We go from being so close to kissing to this?" You gently fling your arms, "I jus-" you take a deep breath, "Have fun in Italy, call me when you can."
You zip your suit case and Colby grabs it, "No, I want you to come."
"I can't be around him, Colby. As much as I want to, I just.. it'll ruin everything."
"Everything already is ruined. Sam isn't going to forgive himself for what he said." Colby stands up and you shrug, "He can figure that out on his own. I'm done trying to get myself out of these feelings. I'm done trying to act like it's okay for him to hug me from behind then act like we're friends who just met, I'm just.. done trying to get him to love me.."
You look at Colby, "I'm done trying."
Colby frowns, "Y/n."
"I'm serious Colby, I'll come get the rest of my stuff when you guys leave for Italy." You pull the handle out from your suitcase and shake your head, "Make sure to tell him everything I said."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
It's been two days since they've left for Italy.
As you're lying in bed, in your room at their house, your pillow soaked from your tears that you can't turn off, your mind slips into the good memories of you and Sam.
"No. You can't be serious, Sam." You laugh, reaching across his body for grab a card.
He watches you as you slowly lean back, "What's it say?"
"It says.. what was the last dirty message you received?" You bite your lip and tilt your head. He copies your motion and raises his eyebrows, "Can I skip?"
You shake your head, "No way, Golbach. Spill it or.." You smirk, "Take three shots." He presses his lips together and tilts his head back, looking down his nose at you, "Gimme the bottle, baby."
You bite your lip as you reach for the bottle, sliding it across the table to stop in front of him.
He pours a shot, takes it. Then another, then the third and final shot, "Now what?" He leans in, "Are you going to tell me yours?"
Your eyes move from his lips to his eyes, "What if I say no?" You bite your lip and he shrugs, raising his eyebrows, "You tell me."
You back away from each other as Colby comes down the steps, "You're playing without me? Thanks for the invite I guess."
You roll onto your other side, trying to escape them, but you just can't.
"Whatcha doin?" Sam asks waking into the kitchen. You smile as you continue to scrub the glass dish, "Dishes."
"You know we have a dishwasher, right?" He laughs and you look over at him, "Not everything is dishwasher safe, Sam."
"I'm just saying.. nothing has broken on me.. yet." He laughs and walks up behind you, "Watcha listenin' to?"
You laugh, "Music."
You feel him walk up behind you and your scrubbing gradually slows down, "Why don't you take a break, I'm sure you've done enough damage on that dish, and dance with me."
You set the dish down and look at him over your shoulder, "What?"
He grabs your waist, spinning you around, "You heard me." He smiles and takes your bubble covered hand into his, his other hand still on your hip.
He pulls you a step out away from the sink and pulls you along with him. He laughs as he steps back, sliding his other hand into hours and you lift your arms, laughing as he spins you around.
He pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your neck, "You know, you're fun to hang out with."
You sob into your pillow, angry at Sam all over again.
Your phone dings, and you assume that it's probably just Colby, giving you hourly updates on how their investigation is going.
You lift your head, picking up your phone when it chimes again.
Sam: I'm sorry
You force out a laugh, trying not to cry, "Don't do this." You close your eyes, "I can't." You whisper, clearing his message from your Home Screen.
You sit up, looking around at your half packed room.
You wanted to be out by the time they got back, you told Colby you were leaving, you also told him not to tell Sam.
As you stand up, throwing things into a box, your phone dings, and then a few more times, and you groan, "I swear to.. fuck." You groan, leaning down to grab it, eyes watering at each message you read.
Sam: I want you so much. You're all I fucking think about. please. Talk to me. I need to I don't know, explain my self I guess? I wasn't ready I didn't think I was ready to actually settle down and I know that's what you want or wanted with me Y/n Please don't just read these
An incoming call from Colby interrupts your stare at the texts that are still coming through, "Hello?"
"Please don't kill him." Colby says frantic on the other end of the phone. You furrow your brows, sniffling, obvious that you've been doing nothing but crying, "What are you-"
There's banging on the front door.
Loud, repetitive, non stop banging.
"What's fucking happening?" You pull your phone away from your ear, seeing Sam's texts,
Open the door I left everything in Italy
You put the phone back up to your ear, "Why is he here"
Colby sighs, "Just talk to him."
"No." You snap and Colby talks immediately, "Look, y/n. Neither one of us can do this investigation. We have to convince the people who own this to reschedule our visit. Sam couldn't keep it together for the intro."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Now please." He sighs, "Just go. Open. The door."
"Fine." You hang up, making your way down the steps. You move the curtain on the door and look out at a soaking wet Sam.
"Please." His words are muffled from the door being shut, but you can still tell what he's saying, "I love you."
You clench your jaw, unlocking the door and opening it, "Where was that before all of this?" You step out side the door, the pouring rain coming down onto you now, "do you know how painful it was to have feelings for someone you can't be with?"
"Y/n." Sam shrugs, lifting his hands from his sides, but you keep going, "Do you know how many times, I've wished for you to not be in love with someone else? Then you go and hang out with a girl at a place you took me to first?"
"I'm sorry." His voice cracks, "Just please.. let-"
"I was jealous that night Sam, the night you asked me to play nice with your new girlfriend, Laylah. I was so fucking jealous Sam. But do you know how fucking stupid I felt? Being jealous over someone that wasn't even mine?"
He nods and you scoff, "I don't think you do because if you would have asked me to be yours, I would have said yes in a fucking heartbeat and don't even come back with the you should have asked me, because I know damn well that you could tell I loved you, Colby even picked up on it before you did."
Sam stands there, staring at you, eyes red from crying.
Hair dripping wet from the rain, you can't judge him because you look the same way.
"We're almost the literal definition of he likes her, she likes him. It's obvious to everyone except them.. but the only difference is, I knew what I wanted. I wanted you and all you did was lead me on."
Tears mix in with the beads of rain that form on your cheeks, your voice breaking, "It shouldn't have come to this, Sam."
You stand still as he walks up to you, "Y/n."
"It.." you sniffle, "It feels like you destroyed me, Sam."
"Let me fix it." He mumbles as he slides his hands over your cheeks, tilting your head up so you can look at him, "Please." He rests his forehead against yours, "Let me fix it."
"There's nothing-"
He cuts you off, "Don't say there's nothing to do. Because there's everything to do."
You sob quietly, his hands still on your cheeks. His thumbs brush gently over your wet skin, "I called whatever it was off with Laylah the night we got into it. The night you left me."
Your eyes meet his, "Why."
"Because I knew that my forever was walking out that door and I knew I had to do everything in my power to get it back." He sniffles, "You've supported me since day one. You've loved me.. since day one."
"Why now, Sam? Why after you flew all the way to Italy? Why after it took me telling Colby I was done with everything? It shouldn't have come to this."
He doesn't say anything, the rain smacking against the pavement fills your ears.
You reach up, grabbing his wrists to pull them away but he presses his lips to yours.
As much as you want to pull away, you can't.
"Sam." You slide your hands around his neck, lips moving with his as he slides his hands down to pull your hips against his.
"Please." He whispers, sniffling as he gently brushes his nose again your cheek, "Y/n."
You stay silent, the only sound that comes from you is a few sniffles.
"I can't do anything without you." Sam wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, "I wish I knew how stupid I was being. I tried to push you away because I didn't want to hurt you. I wasn't ready, but y/n, sweetheart, the risk of you walking out of my life forever has made me realize that I want you. I want you in so many ways, it's actually kind of insane."
You look up at him, "It shouldn't have taken.. this.. for you to finally realize what you want, Sam."
He shakes his head, "I won't ever let it get to that point ever again, because you're mine." He lifts you up, your legs hugging his waist like they've always dreamed of doing.
Your arms snake around his neck, not saying another word as he walks through the door, kicking it closed, "I promise."
You lean in, hugging him as he walks over to the couch. He sits down and you moving your legs to straddle his lap.
You lean back, hands sliding around his neck to cup his wet cheeks. Your eyes move around his face, back and forth between his eyes before you lean in, pressing your lips to his.
The heat you have always dreamed up, felt every time your eyes met his, is there.
And it's hotter than ever.
"I love you." Sam whimpers against your lips, "I'm so sorry."
You shake your head, "We can talk later. Right now.. I just.." you rest your forehead against his, "Wanna be with you."
He nods, sweeping your body over to lay under his. His lips kiss from your him, down your neck, "I wish.. I knew how to love you like this before."
You run a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say. He kisses back up to your lips, "Do you want to do this?"
You nod, tugging at his shirt, "Please."
He leans up, pulling his soaked shirt up over his body and tossing it onto the floor. You sit up and he does the same to your shirt, "You're so fucking beautiful."
His lips reconnect to yours and you moan quietly as he slowly grinds against you. He kisses back to your ear, his voice quiet, almost sounding like it's going to break, "You were the only girl I could ever think about."
Your eyes start to burn and you turn your head, reaching up to grab his so you can turn it towards you and kiss you.
The kiss is hot. Full of passion.
It's what you wanted all along.
He slides his hands down, slipping them into your rain soaked sweatpants. He pulls them down your legs, and reaches for the button on his pants, popping them open as he leans back down to kiss you.
He stands up, discarding his wet jeans to the floor before hovering his body back over yours.
He pushes his boxers down, just enough for his cock to spring free and he slips your panties to the side. Not wasting another second, he drops his head to your shoulder as he slowly slips his cock into you, burying it deep inside with a groan.
You gasp, clinging to him as you tighten your legs around his waist, breathing out a whiney, "Sam."
His nose brushes against your cheek as he lifts his head, "I love you, I'm so sorry." He pulls out, slowly thrusting back in, "I'm so sorry."
You wrap your arms around his neck, gasping with each thrust into you, "I love you." Your voice breaks, a small moan following after, "I've always loved you."
"I wish I knew I could have loved you like this." He kisses down your neck and back up, groaning lowly in your ear, "I wish I knew what I was risking."
You squeeze your eyes shut, a tear slipping down and falling down your cheek, "Don't ever.." you tangle your fingers in his hair, "Don't ever leave."
"Never." He pulls one of your hands down, interlocking it with his against your head as he lifts his to look at you, "I love you. No one could ever take your place."
You smile slightly and nod, "I'm holding you to it."
"As long as you need, baby." Sam smiles and sighs, "You were made for me." He kisses your lips, groaning against them as he thrusts harder but still slow.
You drag your nails up his back, moaning as he moves his head down to suck a mark into your neck.
His grip on your hand tightens, "I love you so fucking much."
You weren't ever going to get sick of hearing that.
You were relieved to finally be hearing it in the first place.
"I love you." You whisper, moaning as he lets go of your hand to bring it down to squeeze your boob. You tug his hair, arching your back as much as you can against his, "S-Sam."
"Cum with me, babe. Can you hold it?" He rests his forehead against yours as his fingers twist your nipple between his fingers.
You whimper, giving his a slight nod and he hums in response, "Almost there, sweetheart."
He thrusts a few moments longer before he kisses your cheek a few times, "Okay, okay, let go for me. Cum for me." His voice is quiet and his thrusts slow down as he feels you clench around him.
You let out a loud moan, pulling him into you as your nails dig into his skin.
He groans, pulling you closer by the hips, "F-fuck, fuck." He pulls out, letting his cum spill onto your lower stomach with a low moan.
You rest your head back, breathing heavy as your body relaxes.
He reaches down, grabbing his damp shirt and wiping you off. He tosses it down and holds his hand out, "Come here."
He pulls you to a sitting position and you immediately fall into him. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly, "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize."
"Better late than never, right?" You look up at him and he nods, "I guess." He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead, "Go get a shower, standing out in the rain might get you sick."
"Only if you'll come with me. I'm not doing anything without you for a while."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Genuinely sorry if this sucked. I'm not sure how I feel about it, honestly. So tell me how you liked it.
As always, thanks for reading & I love you!
Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated 🖤
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namelessdumbass · 2 months
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Meliora/Popestar Ghouls guide
I noticed some people still have trouble telling the Ghouls apart. Specifically Meliora era Ghouls. So i'll try to make things easier for all of you :)
WARNING: lots of text, my silly comments
Happy reading 😏
Learning which symbol/alchemic element (which was Martin Persner's/Omega's idea btw!) belongs to a certain Ghoul is essential:
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🜂- Fire, 🜄- Water, 🜁 - Air, 🜃 - Earth, 🜀 - Quintessence. The first Fire Ghoul was also called Alpha and the first Quintessence Ghoul - Omega. Why such names? Because Quintessence/Ether Ghoul had Ω sticker on his guitar and fans started calling him Omega and his counterpart - Alpha. These names just fit them perfectly. Meliora era was unique because neither of previous Papas, nor Cardinal/Papa 4 called Ghouls by their names/elements. Only Papa III did that.
There were few changes of lineups during Era 3 and some Ghouls were given different names by fans. Simply because naming their elements wasn't enough. Examples will be seen below.
Ways to tell them apart when they are on stage:
Their instruments and stickers.
They are placed in certain areas of the stage: Quintessence and Earth on Papa's right, Water in the middle, Air and Fire on Papa's left.
Different body types, eyes, rings, bracelets and tattoos.
The way they behave.
When they are off stage, on promo photos etc just take a look at their chests.
Even though every Ghoul has 5 elements embroidered on their suits, their respective element is highlighted.
HQ pictures are pretty helpful if y'all wanna find your favorite Ghoul.
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(from left to right: Air, Earth, Omega/Quintessence, Water and Alpha/Fire)
Also check this video of Papa III introducing Ghouls.
2015 lineup:
Air Ghoul #1. Simply Air. Joined Ghost in 2011. No tattoos, no rings. Usually quite calm on stage, favorite gesture is🤘 . Was the tallest Ghoul till 2017. Had cool keytar solo. Didn't move much.
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Pebble aka Earth Ghoul #2. Joined Ghost in June 2015. Smol (yes, smaller than Papa). Has intense stare. Literal beast when it comes to playing drums. Had a special way of throwing sticks to fans (literally footballed them into the crowd lol). Funny one.
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Quintessence Ghoul #1 aka Omega. Terzo's favorite Ghoul. His butt was smacked and grabbed by Papa countless times during Year Zero solo. Known for his stomping, graceful guitar playing style, has big silver rings on both hands and pretty eyes. Has the cutest laugh. Did lots of interviews when Special Ghoul wasn't around. Loves Abba. Has been in the band from 2010 till july 2016.
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Water Ghoul #4 aka Delta. Slightly shorter than Papa III. Joined in 2015. Sometimes kicks air (literal air, not his fellow Ghoul) on stage, also filled in for Alpha (when he injured his shoulder) and Omega for a few shows. Played rhythm guitar after Omega left. Has no rings, no visible tattoos, but has mad skills. Allegedly he's the one who tried to kick the dude who got on stage and kissed Terzo lol
His regular bass Omega's guitar
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Fire Ghoul #1 aka Alpha. Popular among fans. Hangs out with every Ghoul on stage, especially with Water and Pebble. Loves cameras, does✌ a lot, humps his guitar sometimes. Enjoys attention, a bit horny:) Also did a few interviews (mostly with Omega), has strong accent, also speaks Italian. Has rings and tattoos on both hands (had none during era 1 and 2!). Taller than Papa. Joined in 2010, left in november 2016.
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2016
Omega left in july, so Water took over rhythm guitar and the first Ghoulette of the Ghost, Mist, was introduced. This lineup toured till the end of the year and nobody returned for Popestar tour in 2017.
Quintessence Ghoul #2. Basically just Water, but with different guitar and highlighted QE symbol on his uniform.
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Mist Ghoulette aka Water#5. Tiny💜, unlike Copia's Ghoulettes she wore the same outfit and mask (that looked a bit too big for her) just like other Ghouls. Badass bass player, has a ring, a tattoo on her finger and painted nails. Veeeeery calm. Cute as hell. Alpha liked her a lot.
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Fire, Earth and Air Ghouls were same as in 2015:
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(from left to right on this picture: Mist, Quintessence #2 (aka Delta/Water Ghoul#4), Alpha/Fire, Earth/Pebble, Air)
2017
All of the previous Ghouls left and the new pack replaced them. If you see Ghouls who are +- same height as Papa, that's them!
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(Dewdrop/Water #7, Aether/Quintessence #3, Zephyr/Air #2, Ifrit/Fire #2, Ivy/Earth #3)
Ifrit aka Fire Ghoul #2. Chaotic, hyperactive, Papa's hype man. Same height as Terzo, sweet bean, has wiiiide chest dorito shaped No tattoos, no rings. Spins, dances, jumps a lot. Gets "shot" during Ghuleh/Zombie Queen. No 🜂 sticker on his guitar. Only toured till 2018.
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Aether aka Quintessence Ghoul #3. Beefy, jumps a lot, has rings and a bracelet. Always looks friendly. Plain black guitar with no QE symbol. Also pretty active, especially with his pal Ifrit. A bit taller than Papa III. Ran after Terzo when he got gragged off the stage by Papa Nihil's people. Joined in 2017, left in 2022.
P.S. since he's not Omega, his butt was safe during Year Zero solo 🙃
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Dewdrop aka Water Ghoul #6 aka Sodo. Smaller than Terzo. Has an aggressive guitar playing style. A bit horny (it got worse). No visible tattoos. Proudly played bass with someone's panties. Syncs with Ifrit and Aether during Ghuleh/Zombie Queen outro. Became Fire Ghoul #3 in 2018. He's still in the Ghost (as of february 2024).
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Zephyr aka chAir Ghoul #2. Sits on chair, a lot :) Charming, more active than previous Air ghoul. Loses it during Monstrance Clock, Per Aspera Ad Inferi and Cirice. Could be a great DJ. Almost the same height as Papa. Has a ring. His Mummy Dust keytar solo -[X]. Only toured till 2018.
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Ivy aka Earth Ghoul #3. Underrated, many don't know much about him. Was present only during European leg of the Popestar tour (from march till july). Has brown eyes, a tattoo and bracelets. Same height as Ifrit. Wasn't around much, but still did a great job. Was later replaced by Mountain.
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Mountain aka Earth Ghoul #4. Joined Ghost in july 2017. The tallest Ghoul. Hates shoes. Has a tattoo on the finger of his right hand, but you won't see shit on photos from this era because he wasn't photographed much and drummers usually get less attention than others in general:/ Quite calm comparing to Pebble. He's still in the band (as of february 2024).
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Honorable mentions:
Special Ghoul aka Phil. Has green eyes, speaks Swedish. Did lots of interviews, showed up to grab a few awards for Ghost, worships cats and loves Abba. Literally Papa in disguise (aka Fire Ghoul's uniform and mask). Has been in the shadows since 2017.
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Cowbell Ghoul. The myth, the legend. Played cowbell during "Ritual" and "If You Have Ghosts" a few times at the end of the Popestar tour in 2016. Tall, has a posture of a shrimp, always got shooed by Papa. Many want him back.
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Aaaand that's it. I hope it was helpful. Thanks for reading :)
🌈👻
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floralcyanide · 1 month
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ᴄᴀᴍᴘ ᴄᴏᴜɴꜱᴇʟᴏʀ!ᴄᴀʟʟᴜᴍ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ
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Some cute, romantic, or funny moments I think would happen if you and Callum Turner were camp counselors together.
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warnings: mentions of injuries, cuteness overload, smoking, mentions of drinking
author’s note: I had so much fun writing this (: here's the camp counselor au for everyone to read!!
masterlist | divider credit: @cafekitsune
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✦ the first day, you’re so nervous you almost get physically ill, but then you see Callum, and all your nerves about counseling a bunch of tweens go away
✦ Callum smiles at you and compliments your ballcap, which has your favorite baseball team emblem on it 
✦ the first time the kids go swimming in the pool at the campgrounds, you warn them and the other counselors about sunscreen. it was nearing 100 F, so the sun was merciless. they all listen except Callum of course, who brushes you off despite his obviously fair skin
✦ he ends up looking like a lobster and is viciously ill that night, skipping dinner. you look after him and get to know him better. he tells you about how he used to burn as a kid and it was never this bad. you laugh at that and point out that he should’ve learned his lesson back then, to which he agrees with a sigh
✦ the camp lasts all summer, so you made sure to bring literally everything you could possibly need- like bug spray. you brought plenty for you and the kids in case they needed it
✦ it’s hiking day, and everyone applies the bug spray except, of course, Callum. he ends up with bug bites everywhere visible on his body that evening. you tell all the kids in your group to point and laugh at him when he enters the mess hall for dinner. Callum rolls his eyes, scratching at his arm. all the kids yell at him to stop or he’d scar
✦ karaoke by the campfire night is fun and games until Callum breaks out the guitar and blows everyone away with his talent. everyone applauds him, and your crush only worsens when he looks at no one but you the whole time.
✦ Callum freaks out when one of the boys in his group has peanut butter as a dare during mess hall when he’s allergic to peanuts. like full on panicking and nearly crying and you have to calm him down
✦ painting class where Callum decides to poke your cheek playfully and you have no idea he had paint on it until much later 
✦ then there’s that night at the lake. after that, you both grow closer. you sneak kisses when others aren’t looking and sometimes meet at the dock for a cigarette in the middle of the night. you hate the smell of cigarettes but they remind you of Callum now
✦ there’s a night where the head counselor rallies the kids to bed a little earlier so all the counselors can have an adult gathering. controlled, of course. wine coolers and such- nothing too hard. but Callum takes it too far as always. he gets handy with you and you have to scold him so no one figures the two of you out
✦ Callum singing the Campfire Song from SpongeBob at a bonfire one night, and none of the kids know where it’s from, but you and the other counselors sing it at the top of your lungs 
✦ you and Callum patching up a kid who fell and skinned their knees and scolding them gently for running when not necessary 
✦ Callum makes you something in pottery class, and you almost cry at the thought of him making you something. no boy- or man, rather, had done anything like that for you
✦ you definitely exchange numbers and stuff for after camp and agree to meet up and hang out before both of your college campuses start classes back up
✦ you and Callum work together to remove a series of stingers from the same boy who ate peanut butter while allergic because he was dared to touch a beehive on a hike
✦ you end up hurting your ankle on one of the hiking days, and Callum helps nurse it with ice and elevation in your room while everyone else you bunk with is away
✦ Callum confesses he really likes you and obviously didn’t want that one night to be a one-time thing. he asks you if you’d like to be his after you leave camp, and you say yes (obviously)
✦ Callum playfully makes fun of you for crying when the kids start leaving to go home, but then he also starts tearing up
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featherandferns · 11 months
Text
fascinating new thing (fic)
jj maybank x fem!kook!shy!reader | the music the band plays in this are songs by beach bunny (that's the music style i envisioned for the reader) - check them out!
content warning: drinking & drug use; anxiety & anxiety attacks
word count: 18k. (the definition of a slow-burn, so just hang in there, okay?)
Blurb: after your band plays a show at kiara's parents' restaurant, you find yourself face to face with jj maybank. shy and socially awkward, you fumble through, knowing that a guy like jj would never want a thing to do with you, right?
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“I don’t understand you,” Kiara says. She’s perched atop one of the speakers.
“What’d you mean?” you ask from where you kneel on the floor. You’re detangling wires.
“When you met my parents, I could barely get your name out of you. But now I find out you enjoy singing to a crowd of strangers in your spare time?”
You laugh, shrugging.
“I mean, if I was shy, I think my worst fear would be singing to a group of anybody – let alone strangers,” Kie tells you with a chuckle.
“I guess it’s cause I’m in my element when I’m singing and stuff. I feel calm,” you think aloud.
You’d never really thought of it that much. Performing music always came easy to you. Talking to people, not so much.
The wires finally unknot and you go about plugging them into the correct amps. Kiara had offered to help you and your band set up before your gig. It was at The Wreck – her parents gracious enough to let you guys play – and Kie, being your friend for just over a year, was all for it.
You’d met at school when she transferred to (what she proclaimed as) Kook Academy. Kie felt as if she didn’t fit in, away from the Pogues and amongst the snobs. You felt like an outsider too. Making friends never came easy to you. Your shyness got in the way and made you clam up. The good first half of your years at school were spent having panic attacks during breaktime and hiding behind the sheds to eat lunch alone. One day you made your usual journey there to find Kiara, sat crying. You’d struck up your best attempt at conversation, sympathising immediately. She confided in you about missing her old school, and how this ‘bitch’ Sarah Cameron had started a rumour and ditched her. You nodded through it and offered up eating lunch together, which soon turned into hanging out after school, and overtime Kie pulled you out of your shell. That was when you told her about your band.
The only reason you’d managed to find your band was from the school counsellor’s insistence that you join an extra-circular. When you meekly confessed that you liked playing music and writing songs, she’d thrust you into band practice. Seriously: she literally escorted you there. Benny, who played drums, and Pansy, who played guitar, were your first friends. Pansy had an effervescent charm to her; naturally outgoing but not intimidating. Strangely, she was easy to talk to. Non-judgemental and non-pushy. Never asked you the age-old question ‘how come you’re so quiet?’ Benny was a little like you and it was as if the two of you clocked each other and decided to stick it out. Over time, you both opened up, with Pansy’s assistance of course. The bassist was someone Pansy met (and probably cornered) at a kegger, named Mike. Aloof and mysterious, you spent a great deal of your time wondering if he liked you and a greater deal wondering who he was. Finally, with you on vocals, the band was formed. Pansy lovingly named it The Wallflowers, in your honour.
As soon as Kie found out, she insisted on having you play at The Wreck. All of that led up to today, with the show due to start in two hours.
“I’m so excited to hear you guys play,” she grins. “I can’t believe it took you so long to tell me you were in a band.”
“Just never came up,” you chuckle, standing up. “How many people do you think’ll come?”
“Maybe fifty or so? Dad posted about it on the Facebook page and I put up some posters.”
Your stomach drops. “Posters?”
Kie jumps off the speaker. “Only around the cut! None at Kook Academy, don’t worry.”
The panic eases somewhat with her clarification. You weren’t exactly enthused to have some of your classmates, who seemed to find pleasure in teasing your quietness, coming to see you play. Your band was like your safe spot: where you could express yourself. Pansy practically had to prise the songs you’d written out of your hands at the first practice.
As if summoning her by thought, the afro haired girl waltzes into the restaurant, guitar case slung over her shoulders. “I can’t believe I haven’t been here before! This place is hella cute, Kie!”
“Thanks,” Kiara smiles.
Pansy hops onto the small make-shift stage you’d borrowed from the school’s music department, looking around the room as if she’d conquered the land.
“Yeah, yeah. This’ll do nicely.”
“This your lots’ first gig?” Kiara wonders as she gets up to get you all drinks.
“Nah. We’ve done a couple at my uncle’s bar,” Pansy replies. “Benny managed to get us this thing at a fundraiser too, last month.”
“It’s nice trying somewhere new though,” you say. Pansy nods enthusiastically.
“Especially somewhere this cute!”
Kiara laughs, walking back over with three cups balanced in her hands. You and Pansy take one each and have a sip. Fresh lemonade; perfect for the April weather warmth.
“When’s Benny and Mike getting here?”
“Mike’s hitching a lift with Benny. Said they’ll be about ten minutes or so,” Pansy replies.
She puts down her cup and shrugs off her guitar case. Unzipping it, she retrieves her ‘baby’. You’re surprised she doesn’t start gushing over how beautiful she is. You and Kie keep chatting about how schools nearly finished for the year as Pansy sorts out the cables and amps for her electric guitar. She then props it on the stand.
Just as she said they would, Benny and Mike walk into The Wreck just under ten minutes later. They’re both wheeling in drum pieces. Mike dashes out to grab his bass from the van. You move to help Benny set up his drums.
“You borrow your dad’s van again?” you ask him.
He nods. “Surprised he isn’t making me pay for gas.”
As you sit back on your haunches, screwing in one of the bolts for the kick drum, Benny looks at you. “You look nice, by the way.”
“Thanks,” you smile, not looking away from your handy work.
“New shorts?”
“Nah. Had them a while.”
“Oh. Well, they look nice.”
Benny lingers a moment longer, as if he might say something else, but then must think better of it and goes back to fixing the hi-hat.
“You nervous for tonight?”
“Not more than usual. I know I’ll be fine once we start playing,” you reply.
As the two of you finish setting up the drumkit, you glance off to see that Pansy has trapped Kie in some intense discussion about crystals. You knew it was risky introducing the two of them: two astrology girlies are a deadly combination. Mike sits off to the side, tuning his bass. The speaker’s on and it echoes around the room.
“Sounding groovy,” Kiara’s dad calls from the doorway of the kitchen.
Kie groans. “Dad, nobody says groovy.”
“Well, I do,” he says, winking at her. She rolls her eyes lovingly. “Think it should be a good crowd tonight, guys. Excited to hear you play.”
Pansy beams at him. “Thanks! We’ve been practising like mad for it!”
“Yeah. Pansy didn’t give us much of a choice,” Mike sardonically grins, making everyone laugh.
“Oh! I forgot to tell you!” Kiara says your name to catch your attention. “You remember me telling you about my friends, John B and all that? They’re coming too.”
“They are?” you ask, nervousness spiking.
She nods. “They’re super excited to meet you.”
There must be clear panic on your face because her enthusiasm evens out into a calming smile. “Hey! Don’t worry. They’re super chill.”
“Kie, no offense, but from some of the stories you’ve told me, they don’t sound super chill,” you mumble, going back to fixing another part of the drum into place.
“I mean they’re non-judgemental. Especially Pope. He’s a little weird too. Uh, no offence.”
“Offence,” you reply, though you smile when you do.
Kie calling you weird doesn’t bother you. Any other Kook at school doing it though, and you’d probably burst into tears.
“It’s alright. I’ll just sneak you out after the gig in a suitcase like they do with Taylor Swift,” Benny whispers to you. You laugh, rolling your eyes.
“Great plan. Not obvious at all.”
The rest of the set-up goes to plan. After an hour, the instruments are plugged in and tuned up. Mike and Pansy have practised the bridge to one of the songs about twenty times, making your head begin to pound. Kiara’s dad has elicited Kie’s help in the kitchen with making the buffet-style meal. Their working was to do a pay-for-it-all sort of method: a set price of ten dollars per plate, loaded up as full as you want. Seconds and thirds were another five dollars. It seemed the best way to take orders without interrupting the gig. Kie’s mum comes to prepare the drinks. Bowls of punch for the kids and teens, and beers and cans for the adults.
By the time it comes close for you guys to play, the room is beginning to pack. You sit on the side of the stage, mostly hidden by one of the amps, with Pansy acting as an unofficial barrier for anybody who tries to talk to you. She’s glad to answer any questions, quickly diving into stories about the band name and the songs and whatever else comes to mind. Mike chimes in too, also rather extraverted, and you and Benny cower in the back like lost children in a shopping mall searching for their parents.
There’re the nerves before you play – like always – but the calmness of knowing that as soon as the first chord is strummed, it’ll fade out. You seem to slip into a corner of your brain when you guys play your songs. Like nobody can touch you or judge you. You’re almost able to fully let go.
“You guys ready?” Kiara’s dad asks, walking over to your foursome.
Nope. Nerves are back and in full force. Maybe you’ll throw up right here right now, and they’ll have to call the whole thing off.
“Hell yeah!” Pansy exclaims. She probably thinks she’s talking for all of you.
Kiara’s dad steps onto the stage and goes to the microphone, flicking it on. It buzzes to life, the noise catching people’s attention, and when he taps on it to make sure it’s working, the conversations naturally die down.
“Alright, folks! You guys are in for a treat tonight! The grooviest band from Kildare County is here to perform!”
You see Kie groan and shake her head from the back of the room, making you laugh. It helps ease your nerves. You don’t have time to check if her friends have arrived because you’re being ushered up by Pansy.
“Let’s here it for The Wallflowers!”
The applause from the small crowd that’s gathered feels like a stadium cheering you on. Pansy jumps on stage first, grabbing her guitar, waving happily to the crowd as if she knew each of them personally and had been banking on them to come. Mike gives a casual nod as he steps up and pulls on his bass. Benny slinks behind the drum kit, flashing the briefest of smiles to the crowd.
You focus on the floor and take a quick breath in. Here we go. Then you’re stepping onto the stage, forcing your head up, plastering on a smile, and waving.
Pansy always introduces the band. You can’t bring yourself to form words at the start of the show.
“How we all doing tonight?” She loudly asks, her voice echoing through the speakers.
The crowd give another whoop and cheer. It’s mostly teenagers and young adults, with some older couples and families intermixed. You catch Kiara’s eye and feel your shoulder’s relax a little when she gives a grin and thumbs-up. There’s not enough confidence in you to look at her friends.
Pansy introduces herself then names each one of you, pointing as she goes. Finally, she declares, “We’re The Wallflowers and we’ve got some songs to play for you tonight. You guys ready?”
You don’t take in the response from the crowd. Just close your eyes and wrap your hands around the microphone, searching for the tap of Benny’s drumsticks to count you in. Wait for it. Wait for it…
Two, three, four—
The moment Pansy strums her first chord, and Mike hits his first note, your mouth opens and the words fly out, second nature, without a thought.
“Sometimes I think I see your ghost…”
The anxiety gets shoved down, suppressed by something akin to confidence, and you manage to open your eyes. Your body naturally sways to the music, hands not leaving the microphone until you reach the first chorus.
“If you’re gonna love me, make sure that you do it right. I’ll be under your window in the moonlight.”
Fingers pushing through your hair, sweeping it off your shoulders, you dance a little to the beat. Benny’s hitting, keeping you all in rhythm, and Mike’s bass thrums lowly to keep you in tune. Pansy’s grinning – you see it from the corner of your eye – as she plays her guitar. It makes you smile. Your band; a mismatched group of teens from the sweeter side of Kook Academy. You have no idea how you managed to find them, but there’s no complaints to be heard. As if sinking into the cosiest of beds after a tiresome day, you relax into the music, relax in yourself.
After the first song, it becomes easy. You feel in your element, like a bird returning from migration, and start to engage with the crowd some more. Start having them clap along to the beat when the bridge starts up for the third song. Have them jumping a little to the chorus of the fifth.
“Ain’t she great?” Pansy encourages from them after the sixth song.
The strangers who’ve accumulated to see you, now a little buzzed, applaud and whistle. You feel your face flush hot. At the back, Kiara cheers the loudest, accompanied by several guys’ voices who holler. You look over and it’s then that you meet his eyes. JJ Maybank.
The nerves hit you full force.
Oh God.
Oh God.
How the hell are you supposed to sing another song knowing that he’s watching you? That someone who looks like that is listening to you sing your stupid little love-sick, fantasy-formed songs? You knew he was friends with Kie, but you didn’t think he’d actually show up.
You consider pretending to faint, but that’ll probably be more humiliating than just powering through. To distract yourself, you duck down to take a sip of water from your bottle.
“Come on,” you whisper, closing your eyes. Just one song left, and then you’re home free and can hide under your sheets for a week. Maybe two.
“This next one is mostly me and my girl,” Pansy announces, nodding to you as you rise back to stand. “We’re gonna bring it down a minute, alright? I wanna see lots of loved up couples slow dancing, you hear?”
There’re some chuckles. You’re always in awe of how easily she interacts with the crowd. Pansy begins to pick out the melody on her strings, turning to face you. She smiles reassuringly, nodding to count you in. The anxiety melts away as the words line up ready in your head. Taking a breath, you turn back to the microphone.
“I wither within when I’m without. Baptised in sin and blessed with doubt.”
From the corner of your eyes, you see a phone torch lift into the air. Then you see more and more people do the same, until there’s a powerful white glow shining on yourself and Pansy. You let out a small, bashful giggle. Through the phones, you spot Kiara again, nodding along to the beat and swaying. She’s got an easy smile on her face. You can’t help but glance your eyes to JJ, who’s at her side. His arms are crossed over his chest, face nearly stoic, but he’s swaying too. Looks almost deep in thought. Before he can clock that you’re looking at him, you flit your eyes back to the wall.
“There’s always someone, I’m tryna live up to. I can never get to you. You always seem closer, in the rear view…”
As the song goes on and your voice sings out, your eyes slip shut again. You sink into the words and let your mind drift into thoughts of romance and love. It had never been all that present in your life. Talking to strangers in the chance that they might be your friend was terrifying enough; if you find them attractive, then it’s game over. You practically become mute from nerves. That left you pretty lonely, romantically and otherwise. Besides, guys didn’t tend to go for girls who could barely spit out a sentence in a group project and are as often seen at a kegger or house party as a dodo bird. At least, not the type of guys you liked.
The ending of the song starts to build; Mike picks out a steady beat on his bass. You slowly begin to clap on every other beat. Gradually, the crowd joins in as the melody from Mike continues. Once enough people have joined, you decide to pick up the lyrics.
“You love me. I love you. You don’t love me anymore, I still do. I’m sorry. I’m trying. I hate it when you catch me crying.”
One the final lyric, Benny’s joining in, Pansy in tow. The big finish arrives, the crowd stopping their clapping to whoop and bash their heads to the heavy beat. You repeat the lyrics again, finding your grin once more at the sight of everyone having fun (save for some dwellers and shoe-watchers on the outskirts).
“I hate it when you catch me crying.”
The song comes to an abrupt end. Pansy lets her last note ring out. When the crowd cheers and applauds, you laugh bashfully into the microphone, your face so hot that you worry it might explode.
“Thank you,” you manage out with a smile.
“We’ve been The Wallflowers! Follow us on Spotify and Instagram! Good night!” Pansy shamelessly promotes, waving with both hands in farewell.
You take an awkward bow, Benny waving nervously from behind the drum kit, and then Kiara’s dad is flicking on the main lights. The chatter of the crowd soon kicks up now that you guys are done playing, and Kie’s dad switches back on the usual playlist that buzzes through the restaurant to fill the background’s quiet. You turn to Pansy to find her beaming, practically vibrating on the spot with excitement. She ambushes you and Mike in a group hug.
“You guys did amazing! We fucking rocked! Holy shit! We’re playing here all the time!”
You laugh at her ways, hugging her back tentatively. You’d never been the best with physical affection, which was a perfect match for Pansy, who didn’t seem capable of doing anything without a bear hug.
“It was pretty rad,” Mike agrees, nodding. Cool and calm as ever.
Benny emerges from behind the drums, shaking his head of ginger hair out of his eyes. “I think we sounded alright, yeah,” he says, smiling at you.
“Alright? We sounded fucking amazing!” Pansy screeches.
You flush with embarrassment. “I could’ve hit the note a bit better on—”
“Oh, would you guys stop it and just enjoy the moment!” Pansy berates, pulling back to mirthfully roll her eyes. “The truth is we sounded great, and you know it.”
“She’s right!” Kiara calls from below.
You turn your head and smile at her. Pansy nods in approval, pulling Mike and Benny into a conversation, as you climb down to talk to Kiara.
“You liked it?” you ask.
“Are you kidding? You guys are awesome!”
“Thanks,” you laugh, reluctant to accept the compliment.
The place is starting to fill out now that the gig and serving is done. A few people linger to chat and discuss the show, but most filter out the front and back doors. Gradually, it gets easier to hear the reggae music through the speakers.  
“You’ve gotta meet the gang before we leave! Come on,” Kiara says as your chatter about music dies down.
Before you can register her words, she’s grabbing at your wrist and guiding you outside to where the boys are loitering. Your meek protests fall on deaf ears and soon you’re face to face with the trio. Kiara announces your name proudly, as if presenting an award, and you awkwardly wave, barely making eye contact with any of them. Least of all JJ.
“Hey,” John B smiles. He has a nice smile. Friendly and warm. “I’m John B. This is Pope-”
“-You guys sounded great, by the way,” Pope says to you. You feel overwhelmed by the praise and vaguely nod in thanks, hopefully smiling as you do.
“-And JJ.”
At his name, you find yourself looking up at him. He’s taking a hit of his vape and offers you a smile, then he holds out his fist to bump yours. It takes you too long to clock what he means. By the time your fist hits his, he’s halfway retracted his own. It’s already a mess. Oh God. Maybe that spilt-beer puddle on the table is deep enough to drown yourself in.
“I liked that last song.”
You blink out of your panic-filled haze and into his eyes. “The last one?”
“Yeah. The slower one that goes all loud at the end? What’s it called?”
“Rear view.”  
He bobs his head, the silence stretching out. Say something else. When you wrote it, maybe. Before your brain can catch up to formulate anything else outside of your blunt response, JJ’s taking another hit of his vape.
“Well…It’s a good song.”
“Thanks,” you cloddishly say.
Oh God. It’s terrible. It’s painful. It’s…
“You wanna come back to the chateau and hang out?” John B wonders.
“The chateau?”
“It’s just this dumb nickname for John B’s house,” Kiara says.
“Hey!”
“You wanna?” she asks, ignoring him.
“Oh, um…”
You glance back inside The Wreck, through the window, seeing you friends chatting animatedly. Benny’s smiling, which is always a good sign. Then you look back to Kiara and her friends. The Pogues, as she often called them. Your eyes fall on JJ last. He isn’t looking at you, instead out to the distance, as if waiting to leave. Yep – you blew it. Good job.
“I’ll pass,” you say, tone apologetic. “Need to talk with my band.”
“Oh. Well, let us know if you change your mind,” Kie smiles, recovering easily.
You nod and accept her offer of a hug. Then you’re walking back into the restaurant, ungainly waving goodbye to her friends. John B and Pope wave back, and JJ nods his head at you in farewell.
As soon as you’re out of ear shot, you look down at the floor and sigh.
Whispering to yourself, you can’t help but say, “good job, me.”
~*~*~*~*~*
The fishing supply shop you’d stumbled upon was more like a shack. There was a mom-and-pops feel to it; a hand painted sign that creaked when it swung in the breeze (the lingering presence of spring, fighting to stay before summer would cast it out). You push through the door, hearing the chime of the bell, and look down at the list your dad had given you. Looking back up to the rows of goods, you feel as if everything is spelt in Spanish. Sighing, you go to start searching for the things on his list. It doesn’t help that he’s been wonderfully vague: lures, hooks, bait. You look at some of the boxes and take one down to inspect the label better. You’re pretty sure these are hooks…
“Hey, you’re Kie’s friend, right? That chick in the band?”
Assuming somebody’s talking to you, you look up, to the right, and come eye to eye with JJ. Your mouth instantly goes dry like the Sahara.
“Yeah,” you say. You’re trying to smile but it’s like the muscles in your face have gone lax. Why are you so Goddamn inept sometimes?
“I’m JJ,” he says, fixing his cap. “We met at The Wreck?”
“No, I know,” you tell him. You don’t mean for it to sound rude – merely stating a fact that of course you know who he is – but through your nerves, it sounds clipped. Like he’s bothering you.
JJ nods, a little awkward himself now. “No, yeah, of course.”
Just as you’re willing up the guts to apologise for your hopeless social skills, JJ’s filling the silence once more.
“You fish?”
“What?”
“Do you like fishing?”
What a weird question. “No.”
“Oh,” he says. He glances around. “Then…Why are you in a fishing shop?”
Oh. Yeah, duh.
“Oh, my dad does,” you say, lifting the list to show him. JJ’s eyes skim it briefly and he nods, quietly letting out an ‘ah’. “Asked me to pick some stuff up for him.”
Oh God, shut up.
“Well, this place is a pretty good spot to go for your gear,” he tells you.
“Do you fish?”
And, good job, you’ve managed to ask a normal question.
JJ smiles and it seems as if he’s relaxing into himself again. It makes you feel easier too; it’s always painful when your awkwardness rubs off on others, like the spreading of a disease.
“Yeah, I do. My whole family were fishermen and stuff. Can’t remember a time when I wasn’t fishing,” JJ says.
Whilst you prepare yourself to ask more about his family, and what sort of fishing he does, JJ’s flashing you a friendly grin and nodding down to your list.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Hope you find everything.”
“Oh. Yeah, thanks. Um, you too,” you reply.
You final have enough control of yourself to smile at him. It might be your delusions contorting your perception, but you’re sure JJ’s smile grows a bit brighter when you do.
Turning away, you go back to staring hopelessly at the box in your hand. The front is raving about the benefits of this style of hook, reeling of jargon as if trying to impress a university professor. It’s useless. Not only are your thoughts now hijacked by overthinking everything you said in that conversation, and the fact that JJ Maybank spoke to you on his own agenda; you still haven’t learnt anything about fishing in the last five minutes. You’ll just get a receipt and your dad can come back and fix whatever mess you make of this seemingly easy errand.
“You gonna buy those?”
JJ’s still there, stood at your side. He’s looking at the box from over your shoulder. You look up to him.
“Yeah?”
“Those ones are pure crap. No, no, you want the good stuff,” JJ tells you, shaking his head.
He takes the box from your hand and replaces it with another, from a higher shelf. Tapping on the cover, he begins to read off some of the hooks’ perks (who knew there could be so many?).
“I mean, they’re a little more expensive but you get more bang for your buck, you know? Those other ones’ll snap after like four days on the water.”
When he looks back into your eyes, he must see the blank look behind them. He laughs. “Just trust me on this.”
“Okay,” you say, finding a laugh.
“Here, what else’s on your list?” JJ asks, taking the scrap of paper from you.
You don’t complain. Being in his orbit feels like you’re seeing the earth from space; even if it’s just him helping you buy fishing gear, there’s no way you’re going to pass up this opportunity.
JJ keeps talking, jovial in tone, casually dropping reams of information and tips about fishing. As he starts moving around the store in search of items, you blindly follow, nodding along, though only half understanding what he’s saying. It just feels nice to hear him talk. He has a nice voice; one that easily brings a smile. There’s the strong, Carolina accent that shines through, intermixed with slang that’s robust on the cut.
“So, what band are you guys a tribute for?” JJ wonders as he inspects different wires.
“What’d you mean?”
“You know, like who’s music are you playing? I haven’t heard it before.”
“They’re originals,” you say. His head whips around, eyes wide.
“No way.”
“Yeah. I, uh, wrote the songs myself,” you admit, modest.
“You wrote them? That’s insane!”
“Well, they’re not Fleetwood Mac or anything—”
“—Well, nobody’s Fleetwood Mac, for starters,” JJ interrupts, turning back to the wires. “And not anybody can write songs. I sure as hell can’t. Fucking hopeless with words.”
“I find that hard to believe,” you laugh. You feel as if you’re inching out of your shell, the longer you talk to him.
His shoulders, strong and built, shrug under the cotton of his tee shirt. On the back, there’s an emblem: Kildare County Boating Supplies. “Born with my foot in my mouth. Never know when to shut the hell up, half the time.”
“Oh, same here.”
JJ laughs. He glances over his shoulder at you. The crinkles on his cheeks from his smile give him a boyish look of innocence. “Oh, you’re funny, huh?”
“Not usually,” you reply.
“Nah, I doubt Kie could be friends with someone who didn’t have a sense of humour,” JJ lightly argues.
He seems to have decided on a wire and picks up a box, handing it to your building pile stacked up in your arms.
“I think we got it all,” he says, checking over the list. It’s fickle how the term ‘we’ makes your heart stutter.
The two of you head to the counter, gently dumping all the items. You request two bags, knowing you’ll need as much help as you can get to lug it all home. JJ’s still lingering by you. The cashier begins to scan through the items.
“Oh, shit,” JJ mumbles, grinning. He’s looking at a pocketknife on the counter; picks it up to inspect it.
Confused, you ask, “what is it?”
“It’s the latest model,” JJ says.
“There’s different models of pocketknife?” you hear yourself ask.
JJ chuckles, still inspecting it. You notice how the cashier is eyeing him up, like he might just slip it into his pocket, then and there. He probably doesn’t catch the glare you shoot at him.
“These guys make the best ones. My dad gave me his old one and it lasted for like ten years. Damn.”
Your eyes glance down to the box he took it from, checking the price. It’s more than what you’d pay for a pocketknife, but apparently it seems to be worth the money. JJ eventually puts it back.
“That everything for you, dear?” the cashier checks.
JJ seems to take it as his cue to leave. Shoving his hands in his short pockets, he flashes you a smile and a nod.
“Well, I’ll see you around, Kie’s friend.”
“Thanks for your help.”
“Course,” JJ shrugs. He nods to the cashier in farewell, too, then heads out the door.
Looking to the cashier, who’s still waiting for a reply, then down to the box of pocketknives, you smile, overcome with an idea. After you’ve paid up and packed your bags as quickly as you can, you thank the cashier before darting out the store, glancing around for JJ. He hasn’t gone very far, walking towards the docks. You remember Kie telling you about Pope’s dad Hayward, and how he lived on the waterside, and you put two-and-two together. Before the small bout of adrenaline can leave, along with your confidence, you jog over to him, calling his name.
JJ turns around and smiles, a little confused. “You good?”
“Here,” you say, digging about in your short pocket to retrieve the knife. You hold out the pocketknife to him, hands shaking a bit. “As a thank you.”
He looks down at it. Then, he begins to frown. “Why’d you do that?”
“As a thanks,” you repeat. You’re still holding it out. Heart pounding in your ears. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all. You overstepped. He was just being helpful and you made it weird, like always.
JJ scoffs, shifting his weight. He glances off to the water. Looking down at you, jaw somewhat tense, he says, “I don’t need your charity, you know?”
Frowning, you reply, “it’s not charity. It’s…A sign of gratitude, I guess?”
He eyes the knife like it might be laced with Anthrax. Okay, this is getting slightly ridiculous.
“Look, will you just take it? I’ve got no use for it, so it’ll just go to waste if you don’t,” you say impatiently.
JJ’s eyes flash up to yours. There’s a twitch in his cheek, threatening a smirk. Chuckling quietly, he reluctantly accepts the gift.
“Okay, I will. Uh, thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” you say, nodding. Good. That was good. The only problem is that now that you’ve done that, the interaction has come to a natural end, and you have nothing else to say to fill the gaps. “Well…Have a good day.”
Chuckling, he nods, waving you off. “You too.”
The moment your back’s turned to him; you exhale out the lingering nerves. Your smile doesn’t fade, turning almost giddy from the fleeting conversations you’d shared. It’s brought you too much joy that JJ just accepted a pocketknife off you; it’s practically pathetic. Nonetheless, you don’t berate yourself too much. Instead, you walk home, replaying the way JJ chuckled and smiled down at you when you let your patience slip.
~*~*~*~*~*
As an introvert, you’ve managed to find your way out of plenty of social gatherings. Award ceremonies? Stomach bug. Presentations? Stomach bug. House parties? You guessed it – stomach bug. Keggers? Any ideas…?
One gathering that you’ve never been able to get out of - nor have ever been able to say no to, out of guilt - are birthdays. Any sort of birthday celebration, no matter how big or how small, and you feel have to go. You almost feel like it’s your duty to. Friends were a rarity in your life, like finding emeralds and gold, and you didn’t want to risk it by making it seem like you didn’t care about someone’s special day. Even if parties made your stomach feel like it was filled with led and you barely opened your mouth in fear that you might puke with anxiety, you force yourself to any that you’re invited to.
For Pansy, it was always a house party. Some big, ridiculous do that her rich parents would throw. Streamers and themes and a hired DJ. A huge, ridiculous cake that barely got eaten and party favours that were practically insulting in price. She didn’t care all that much about it, but she was an only child and boy do rich parents like to spoil their only off-spring. It was sort of sweet though. Her parents weren’t trying to buy her affection: they genuinely did care for her, and just wanted her to have a good time. So, when Pansy’s birthday rolled around, at the beginning of June – just after school finished up for summer – you get the dreaded text:
Birthday bash on Friday night: be there or else.
A knife emoji, and then…
Love ya!
You groan and toss your head back, flopping onto the pile of pillows on Kiara’s bed. Her phone chimes a moment later and, after reading the text, she flashes you a pitiful smile.
“Pansy’s birthday party?”
“Mhm,” you hum.
“It’ll be fun!”
Unconvinced. “Mhm.”
“Come on. We can get ready together and pre-drink together and get drunk together. It’ll be great.”
Easing yourself up reluctantly, you cock a brow at her. “Really?”
“Yes! It’ll be great,” she repeats, firmer as if in promise. The ding of her phone prompts her to read the second message. You watch as her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh! She invited the Pogues, too.”
“Like the band?” you ask tiredly, rubbing your forehead.
You wouldn’t be all that surprised. One year her parents managed to bag ‘The 1975’ for a birthday-shoutout-video-call. Don’t ask.
Kiara rolls her eyes. “Like JJ, John B and Pope: The Pogues. Dumbass.”
Your eyes shoot open.
JJ.
Hoping to sound nonchalant, you watch Kie type away on her phone as you ask, “well, you don’t think they’ll wanna go though, right? I mean, didn’t you say they hate Kooks?”
There’s the telling whoosh noise that a text has been sent. She looks up at you and shrugs. “They probably will. They might hate Kooks but they love open bars.”
Great. No, yeah, that’s great. You’ll run into JJ again and the conversation will be doubly as awkward and you’ll make a fool of yourself, like you always do, and you’ll go drown in the pool that’s overflowing with your tears of embarrassment. No, great. That’s just—
“Great.”
The theme for Pansy’s seventeenth turns out to be 2000s. She’s dressed up as Regina George from Mean girls – the scene where she has circles cut out of her white vest top, showing through her pink bra. She sends you a picture of her costume on the night, whilst you’re at Kiara’s getting ready.
“Woah. She looks amazing,” you grin, showing the phone to Kie.
She’s sat on the bed, working on her eye make-up. Momentarily glancing away from the mirror to check your phone, she smiles and gives her mark of approval. You text Pansy back, gushing over her costume, and then follow it up with a blatant lie: so excited for tonight! Tossing your phone to the side, you look in the mirror and get back to working on your hair, portioning it in two to style it into pigtails. You’ve dressed up as one of the Powerpuff Girls. Namely, Bubbles: the sweet, quiet, innocent one. In many ways, you feel as though you are Bubbles. The costume’s fun and reminds you of childhood.
“John B just text me,” she tells you, glancing down at her phone that’s pinging away. “Says they’re still at the chateau and will probably show up later. I reckon we’ll be ready to leave for Pansy’s in ten.”
“Are all of them going?” you ask. You’re not sure what you want her answer to be.
“Yep. Even Pope,” she says.
You look back into the mirror and swallow your nerves. It’ll be fine. It’ll be great, just as Kiara promised. Reaching for your bottle of cider, you down the rest and finish getting ready.
It takes about fifteen minutes to walk to Pansy’s house from Kiara’s. The two of you start up the path towards the house. It’s impressive. Modern and ageless, with contemporary finishes and floor-to-ceiling windows on nearly every wall. Painted exuberant white, the place stands as a monument to money. There’s a fountain in the front garden and an electronically powered front gate that’s been left open for the night. The two of you head up the stairs to the front door. Music is pulsing, sneaking out the house and into the night, and you take a breath in preparation. Kie seems to notice and takes your hand, smiling and giving it a squeeze of reassurance. With that, you remind yourself why you’re putting yourself through this hell. Pansy’s birthday.
It's rammed and loud and overstimulating in every way. There’re couples making out on the coach and friends dancing near a speaker and two guys arguing loudly by the window. Empty cups and bottles, an abandoned bong on the coffee table (another perk of having rich parents: they let you do whatever you want). Somebody’s already passed out on the stairs, with other party goers narrowly dodging them as they rush off to the bathroom or in search of a quiet room. Kiara guides you through the house, through the kitchen, in search for Pansy. Your hand never leaves hers. The pounding of the bass is so loud that it’s hard to tell what’s your heartbeat and what isn’t.
You spot Mike first. He’s lent on the counter of the island, chatting to a girl you don’t recognise.
“Hey, Mike,” you say, finding your smile from the familiar face. He looks to you and grins.
“Hey!” his low voice booms. He wraps you in a quick hug. “Wasn’t sure if you were gonna come?”
“You know me,” you smile, queasy. “Anything for Pansy.”
“Amen,” he nods, tipping his beer in approval. He greets Kie, having met her at The Wreck the other week.
“You know where Pansy is?”
“Out back, last time I checked,” he replies, nodding to the backdoor.
You thank him and drag yourself and Kie out the patio doors and into the garden. Scanning the area, you try and spot your friend. There’s people swimming in the pool, cannonballing in, and others dancing to the music. Someone throwing up. A bong being passed around. Beer pong and drinking Jenga and…It’s chaos. Keep it together.
Then, you spot Pansy. She’s lent against the shed, chatting away to a half-arsed Juno. Walking over, the moment she clocks you and Kiara, the other conversation is ditched. Throwing her arms out – already drunk and probably high – she gives a cheer of your names.
“You made it!”
“Better late than never,” Kiara grins.
You let her hug you; almost have the life squeezed out of you in the process. “Happy birthday, Pansy.”
“Damn right, it’s a happy birthday,” she grins. “Look at this rager!”
 Kiara nods in approval, taking it all in. “Having fun?”
“I am now!” Pansy exclaims. “Maybe now that you’re here, Benny’ll finally show up.”
“Benny’s here?” you ask.
“Mhm. I lost him about five minutes in, though. He’s probably hiding under the stairs, poor thing,” she says, shaking her head. Looking to Kie, she asks, “did the Pogues come along?”
“They should show up at some point,” Kie nods, smiling.
“Oh, yes! Finally, my plan can come into action!” Pansy says. She then gives a laugh that borders on psychotic.
You frown, befuddled. “Your plan?”
“My set-you-up-with-JJ plan? Only been waiting since the fifth grade,” she buzzes.
Your face drops. Your stomach plummets. All your internal organs flop out of your body and land on the floor, with your heart last.
One too many drinks in Pansy, and she casually lets slip of your biggest, most pathetic secret on earth, to none other than one of JJ’s best friends.
“What?” Kiara practically shouts. She gapes at you.
Pansy’s face quickly switches from excitement to dread, as her brain seems to catch up. “Wait…Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?”
“Nope,” you say, through gritted teeth.
Hold it together. Hold it together.
“JJ?” Kiara checks. She’s staring at you as if you’ve just done an Irish jig.
You don’t reply. Not sure you can. You swallow thickly and stare down at the floor.
Then, scarily calm, you say, “I think I’m gonna go get another drink.”
Neither of them stops you – Pansy already distracted and Kiara practically in shell-shock – and you slink back into the house. You grab the first thing you find (another bottle of beer) and frantically search for a bottle opener, cracking it open. Downing half of it, you look around for Mike. He’s not where he was stood before. You have no idea where the hell to even start looking for Benny. You finish the bottle and then look for another. In the process, you decide that having a shot of vodka might be alright and take a swig or two right from the bottle. Okay, maybe a little more than a shot.
There’s a hand on your arm, tugging, and it catches your attention.
“There you are!” Kiara sighs in relief. “Look, it’s okay that you have a crush on JJ. If anything, it’s better than okay! It’s kinda sweet! I just wish you’d told me—”
“Kie, please, stop,” you say, shaking your head. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now, alright? Pansy didn’t mean to say that. I don’t…It’s not even true!”
She pulls a face as if to say ‘yeah, right’ but doesn’t argue. “Well…If you ever wanna talk about it—”
“--I really don’t—”
“--But if you ever do! You can, alright?”
She means it. You can hear it in her voice and see it on her face. Sighing, you nod. She smiles at that.
“Look, I’m not gonna tell him, okay? I would never do that,” she assures you. You smile, nodding once more. Your stomach feels like a mosh-pit.
“Good. Now, come on! I promised you a great night and I meant it.”
Kiara ropes you into a game of drinking Jenga. At some point, Pansy joins, then Mike. After three rounds – and two shots to get out of doing dares – you begin to feel weird. It’s then that you realise, as the world becomes fuzzy and your thoughts start to mush, that all the alcohol you’ve been necking is hitting at once.
Oh no.
You excuse yourself to go find the bathroom, hoping to have a moment to pull yourself together, and despite Kiara’s instance you tell her not to follow. You just need a moment alone to calm down your heartrate. Why does it suddenly feel like it’s going to beat out of your chest now? You’ve been to Pansy’s house plenty of times before, but you suddenly feel lost. People are crammed into every room like sardines, all of them strangers, and you can’t grasp your bearings. The alcohol isn’t helping, nor the panic, and the longer your search for a bathroom or an empty space, the more you feel like the walls are closing in. At some point, you end up in a corridor of the house. It’s a little quieter than in the main rooms, a few bodies lining the walls, some girls sat on the floor chatting. The only light is a single bulb hanging above. At the sight of you stumbling down the hall, one of the girls must think you look as bad as you feel.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks.
You nod, trying to smile, but you’re honestly not sure what expression is on your face anymore. The bathroom door is locked. No. The girl is coming up to you, maybe thinking she’s being helpful, but you hate strangers and you hate conversations and you hate parties and
Why did you come?
You’ve spoken about five words to Pansy all night! She’d understand if you didn’t; probably wouldn’t even miss you. Great. Something about that thought has tears stinging your eyes, and the random girl who’s made it her new mission in life to help you is only spurred on. She’s shushing you and it makes it all worse: you’re so embarrassed. If there’s anything you dread more than talking to strangers, it’s crying in front of them. Is this a nightmare?
The sound of your name reflexively has you turning your head. It’s JJ.
“Jesus, you don’t look too good,” he says.
Great.
His eyes flit to the girl uselessly trying to calm you down from your panic attack. He ushers her off you, half-arsedly thanking her, and then he’s guiding you from the hallway and through a door. It’s a bathroom. Maybe the door you’d been trying earlier wasn’t a bathroom? It’s all so confusing. You didn’t even know JJ was here; just assumed the Pogues hadn’t bothered showing up. You suddenly realise that you’re still hyperventilating, in front of your crush of all people, and then you remember that Pansy let slip to Kiara that you have a crush on JJ and…
“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” JJ’s saying. He’s frowning at you, concerned.
You’re shaking your head, waving him off. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Sorry. I’m sorry! You can go back to the party!”
That would all be believable if you weren’t gasping out the words. JJ doesn’t listen. He doesn’t even acknowledge that you’ve spoken. You don’t bother to try again. The ground seems a good place to go. Solid and unmoving. You slide down the bathroom wall and gasp in air. It won’t seem to stay in your lungs, as if fighting to escape, and you start to cry.
JJ’s saying your name in a soothing voice. He’s squatting in front of you, watching as you pull your knees up to your chest. God, this is humiliating.
“We’re gonna play a game, okay?”
A game?
“Yeah, yeah. It’s called the ‘five things’ game, alright?”
“I don’t…I don’t understand…” you cry, shutting your eyes.
Playing a game is the last thing you need right now. You just need to breathe. Why can’t you breathe?
“I’ll go first, alright? I have to name five things beginning with…Gimme a letter,” he says.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You write songs, for Christ’s sake,” he laughs, tone gentle. “Come on. One letter. That’s all I’m asking.”
You sort of want him to shut up, so you scramble through your thoughts. “T.”
“Okay, alright. I have to name five things beginning with ‘T’,” JJ says.
All you can hear is your panting for a while. You feel lightheaded.
“Um…Toothbrush. That’s one. How about…”
You crack open your eyes. He’s looking around the room. You notice his cap’s abandoned on the floor. Move your eyes to his legs, mostly bare save for his shorts, and to his chest.
“Tee shirt,” you offer, breathless. JJ’s head whips around to look at you. He smiles encouragingly.
“Yeah, tee shirt. Okay, three more.”
You begin to glance around the room. Stomach still rising and falling, you try and search for something beginning with ‘T’. It’s suddenly become the most important thing in the world.
“Toilet,” you say as your eyes drift over to it. “And toilet brush.”
“Damn, you’re on a roll,” JJ chuckles. You barely manage a laugh. Your head doesn’t feel as fuzzy anymore. “Just one more.”
It’s then that you realise he’s had a hand on your knee the whole time. Rubbing slow, concentric circles on the skin. You start to focus on the feeling of it, looking down as he does it. He’s gone back to searching the room, as if he’s forgotten he’s doing it.
“Touch.”
JJ frowns, looking back to you, then following your gaze to his hand. His smile is almost shy. “Yeah, that counts. Touch.”
The panic attack has eased off. Your lungs are finally doing their job, filling with air and holding it for longer than a millisecond. Exhaling slowly, closing your eyes, you tilt your head back against the wall.
“Better?” JJ wonders.
“A little. Thank you, for helping I mean,” you say.
“Don’t mention it. I know how shit it feels. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks,” JJ tells you.
There’s a shuffle as he moves to sit on the floor. He retracts his hand from your knee and you immediately miss the feel. Opening your eyes, you look at him with a frown.
“You have?”
“Mhm,” he nods. “John B had to calm me down almost everyday at one point. It sucked.”
“Is that where you learnt that trick?”
“Yeah,” JJ says, offering a small smile. “It’s a good distraction.”
You nod. You’ve never tried it before. Always found that you could ground yourself with your breathing, but everything out there was too much, too crazy, for you to focus. Correcting how you sit, crossing your legs (the skater skirt smoothing out over your thighs), you sigh and hang your head.
“I hate parties.”
JJ chuckles. “No kidding.”
You snort, shaking your head.
“But hey, least you look pretty though.”
You look up. There’s very little energy left in you to overthink what he’s just said. No room left to panic.
“I do?”
“Yeah,” he smiles. “I like your costume.”
“Thanks,” you mumble. Your fingers move down to mess with the hem of your skirt.
“Who’re you meant to be?”
You can’t help but bark out a laugh. “How can you like my costume when you don’t even know who I am?”
JJ laughs, after seemingly being taken aback by your outburst. “I dunno. I like that skirt on you.”
“I’m Bubbles. From the Powerpuff Girls,” you tell him as your laughter dies down.
Realisation flashes across his face as quick as a comet darting through the sky. “Oh! Oh shit, of course!”
“You’ve seen it?”
“Hell yeah!” JJ grins. “Mojo Jojo was my favourite character as a kid!”
“Ugh, he’s iconic,” you groan happily, tossing your head back.
“That one episode, when he gets told off by the professor,” JJ reminisces excitedly.
“I loved that one!”
The two of you laugh.
“Who’re you meant to be?”
“Um…Well, I didn’t get the memo it’s a costume party,” he admits with a wince, smiling.
“You could say you’re from…The Hangover?” you offer after a moment’s thought.
JJ cringes. “That might be worse than just saying I forgot to wear a costume.”
You laugh, nodding. “True.”
There’s a brief moment where the two of you just look at one another, smiling contently. You always knew JJ was pretty (as Pansy so graciously revealed to Kie earlier), but up close, under the white light of the bathroom, he’s gorgeous. A cute smile, shining eyes. The most perfect jawline that you could write reams of songs about just on its own.
“Think this is the most you’ve ever spoken to me,” JJ points out.
Your smile turns solemn, nodding. When you reply, you talk quietly, as if revealing a secret.
“I’m not very good at talking to people.”
“Can I ask you a question, then?”
“Mhm.”
“Why’d you come to this house party? Doesn’t really seem to be your scene,” JJ asks.
Nodding, affirming his theory, you shrug and look down at his feet. He’s wearing black boots, shiny and heavy.
“It’s Pansy’s birthday, and she’s always been a big birthday fan. She’s one of my closest friends and she’s always there for me; always has my back. So, I figure, I can hack one night of the year at a stupid, over-the-top party for her. And usually I can…But I guess, I just couldn’t tonight.”
As you finish talking, you lift your head to take in JJ’s reaction. He’s nodding, a small smile still on his face.
“You’re a good friend.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You are,” he affirms. Your face goes warm and you shrug. Laughing, he adds, “you’re also shit at accepting compliments. I noticed that when we first met after your gig.”
You chuckle. Looking up to the ceiling, you feel your confession bubbling out of you, likely driven by the alcohol. “Yeah, well, all what I remember after the gig is thinking that you didn’t like me.”
“What?”
“Yeah,” you say, chuckling in self-deprecation. You meet JJ’s eyes, see the confusion shining in them. “You sorta seemed uninterested to talk to me. Which is fine, I figured you would be. But after the fishing shop - and now tonight - I’m starting to think I was wrong?”
“Yeah, you’re wrong,” JJ laughs. He’s not laughing at you, though. It’s almost as if he’s laughing at himself.
He rocks his head back and nods at the ceiling, pursing his lips in thought.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel like that, at The Wreck. It’s just…Kiara told me you were kinda quiet, before we met, and I’m kind of…not. I didn’t wanna freak you out or anything, so I tried to be more chill. Guess it had the opposite effect though.”
There’s a selcouth feeling in your body when JJ speaks. It’s like something in your chest lurches. In your stomach, there’s a feeling like the butterflies you get before a show, but they’re sweeter and gentler, as if calming down in preparation to cocoon. As if the nerves are fading and you’re desensitised.
He looks back down at you, right into your eyes, and you wonder if he can see into your thoughts. If he can see how much you like him.
“Well, I think we’re friends now, so, no hard feelings,” you tentatively say. JJ cracks a smile, nodding.
“Yeah. We’re friends,” he assures you.
Strange, how something that you thought would bring you so much joy only makes you feel a little bit worse than before.
~*~*~*~*~*
It’s dark in the chateau, the kitchen counter only illuminated by a single orange-hued lamp. You’re halfway measuring out some sugar when you think you hear a noise. The creak of a floorboard. Frowning, you hesitantly start towards the corridor, where the sound’s coming from. Maybe something got in the house? A raccoon?
JJ rounds the corner the same time you do, almost bumping into you. He lets out a yelp and grabs at his heart, the same time you jump back about ten feet.
“Jesus Christ,” he gasps, laughing. “You scared the shit outta me.”
“Sorry,” you smile in apology (as if he hadn’t made you almost crap yourself too).
“Thought you were Big John’s ghost or something,” JJ mumbles, rubbing at his face tiredly.
You frown, walking back to the counter where you’d previously been. “Are you saying I look like John B’s dad?”
“No you- That’s not – You look very womanly-”
He cuts off his rambles with a sigh, shaking his head as he laughs at himself. Running his fingers through his bedhead, he seems to come to a realisation that you’re not usually at the chateau.
“Wait? What are you even doing here? It’s late.”
“Went surfing with Kie. Got tired, took a nap on the pull-out, woke up about ten minutes ago,” you explain, keeping your voice soft as to not wake-up John B.
“Can’t fall back asleep?” JJ asks.
“Wide awake.”
“Damn. Hate when that happens. How come you’re in the kitchen?”
“Thought I’d make brownies,” you shrug. You pick up the box of cocoa powder and the bag of flour, showing them to JJ. “You guys have all the ingredients.”
“God, brownies sound so good right now,” JJ moans, tossing his head back.
Laughing, you go back to measuring out flour with a cup. JJ goes to the fridge. The white light shines bright on his face. There’s the indent of the pillow on his cheek. His eyes are squinting against the light, a little bleary from sleep.
“Come to think, the last time I had brownies, they were these amazing edibles,” he says as he searches for something to take.
“Oh? Were they good?”
“So good,” he says. JJ grabs a carton of juice and hops onto the far counter to sit, taking swigs.
“I probably have enough stuff to bake a batch of edibles too, to be honest,” you offer after a moment’s thought. Looking to him, hands dusted with flour, you ask, “you got enough to spare?”
“Hell yeah!” JJ grins.
Ever since you and JJ bonded at the party, you feel as though there’s been a barrier removed. He isn’t as scary as you thought he would be. Easier to talk to than you imagined.
“I’ve always kinda wanted to try them,” you admit.
“Wait, have you ever smoked before?”
You chuckle down at the bowl, then sarcastically ask, “What do you think?”
“Really?” JJ gapes. “I thought you’d be all for it. It’d probably help you relax and stuff…”
He almost cuts himself off, as if trying to reel in his words. “I…I mean…”
You can’t help but glance to him, face serious as you deadpan, “what do you mean? I’m like the most laid-back person ever.”
JJ’s crystal-clear panic that he’s genuinely offended you has you breaking your façade with a quiet laugh.
“I’m joking. I’m probably the most high-strung person ever. Feel like weed was kinda made for me.”
JJ laughs too, giving a small sigh of relief.
“I’m kinda curious to see what you’re like high,” he tells you.
“Me too. Hopefully it doesn’t have me bouncing off the walls,” you say.
“Nah. That’s coke that’ll do that to you. Hard to imagine you on coke.”
“You tried it?” You wonder, non-judgemental as you ask.
JJ shrugs. He has another swig of juice. The muscle tee he’s wearing hangs lose on his built frame.
“Once or twice. My dad’s sorta a junkie though. Put me off, you know?”
“Shit. I’m sorry,” you softly reply.
JJ hadn’t mentioned his family a lot, but neither had you and neither does anybody. You’d heard the passing news of JJ’s dad being involved in some sort of pharmacy robbery in the county for Oxytocin, but never dug about. It wasn’t any of your business, and the malicious world of medicine and addiction wasn’t some black and white picture like the Kooks at school liked to paint it out to be.
Shrugging it off, clearly not in the mood to get into it, JJ asks, “was that fishing stuff you got for your dad useful?”
“Yeah,” you say. You’ve started on the wet ingredients now: cracking eggs into a measuring jug. “His exact words were, ‘I never knew you had such a gift for fishing’. I think I’m gonna become his fish-fetching-bitch now.”
JJ barks out a laugh. “You know, I never expected you to be funny.”
You roll your eyes as you begin to fold the wet ingredients into the dry. “I’m not.”
“You are. You’re also cute when you bake.”
“Can you not compliment me?” you nervously chuckle. “It makes me uncomfortable. Not cause of you, it’s just…I’m not good with the complimenting thing.”
“Too late. It’s my life’s mission to get you to actually accept a compliment without going all-”
You catch him do an overemphasised impression of you becoming flustered. You scrunch your nose in light-hearted disapproval. He grins at you as he snaps out of the character.
“-You know?”
“Well, I hope you’ve got a long life,” is all you say. “Wanna grab the goods?”
JJ hops off the counter with newfound fever, making you laugh. When he returns, he stands beside you, juice carton ditched to the side. He smells like soap and weed and smoke from the bonfire. You go to grab the plastic bag from him but he pulls it out of reach, looking down at you in disapproval.
“What?”
“This is Kildare’s finest bud,” JJ scorns. He gently places it in your hand. Cupping your fingers around it, he envelopes your hand with his. His touch is warm. “You gotta treat it with care. It’s the meaning of life itself.”
“I thought the meaning of life was enlightenment,” you mumble, distracted. You’re pretty sure your heart might beat out of your chest.
“Meh. Depends who you ask.”
He takes his hand off yours and let’s you open the bag. The smell of marijuana hits, full force. Before you go to mix it in, you need to check the brownie base is up to scratch. You’ve been perfecting your recipe for years. Dipping in a finger, you suck it clean, debating the flavour. Unsure, you grab for the spatula and scoop some batter up, holding it out to JJ without thinking. You’re a little surprised to catch him staring at you.
“Wanna try?”
For once, JJ doesn’t say anything. Just takes the spatula and has a lick. His eyes widen. “Oh my god. That’s so good.”
“It’s alright.”
“It’s amazing.”
“I’ve made better,” you find yourself saying, and maybe he has a point about the whole compliments’ thing…
You tip in some of the bud as JJ finishes licking the spatula clean.
“You’re like a triple thread, aren’t you?” JJ says.
As you mix, moving to prop the bowl against your waist, cradled in your arm, you frown.
“A triple thread?”
Listing with the spatula, he says, “She can bake, she can sing—”
“—she’s socially inept,” you sarcastically finish.
“You’re not socially inept,” JJ says. When he dips the spatula back in for a second taste, you don’t bother fighting back. “Just a little quiet, is all.”
“No, no, I’m like a lost cause,” you chuckle. “I’m fine with it, for the most part. I just don’t like not knowing what people are gonna ask me. I get all nervous, thinking I’m gonna make a fool of myself or something. It all just snowballs until it’s easier to just…not try.”
JJ nods, listening, licking the plastic utensil clean.
“Well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s good that you’re a quiet person. Helps balance out the world,” he offers.
“How’d you mean?”
“Like, I’m one end of the spectrum, yeah?” He gestures wildly to one side of the kitchen. “And then you’re the other.”
His theatrics create an imaginary continuum. He lists his friends, labelling them on this make-believe spectrum, doing it in such a way that has you laughing at his antics.
“Think people sometimes forget being quiet isn’t the same as being boring,” JJ thinks aloud.
You smile. It’s a nice way to summarise it. You’re not a rock: you enjoy spending time with friends and you have hobbies and interests. When you feel in control of the situation, you can even tolerate crowds. But when you don’t speak a lot, loiter around at parties or keggers, and get nervous to read in front of a class, people make an assumption that you’re dull. There’s not much coming out of your mouth so there can’t be much going on in your head. It’s almost a relief to hear from JJ, of all people, that not everybody thinks that way. Makes your heart do funny things, as if he didn’t already have enough power over your emotions.
JJ leans in to take one more scoop from the bowl. As he does, his shirt slips forward enough for you to catch a glimpse of a hickey on his collarbone. Fresh purple, not yet bruising. It hurts more than you expect it to. A clear-cut reminder of who he is, and who you’re not, and who you never will be. That JJ sees you nothing more than a friend – Kie’s friend – and that he’d never look your way because…Well, because why would he?
You distract yourself by looking back down into the bowl, continuing to mix.
The two of you finish preparing the brownies and set them to cook in the oven. As you wait, you sit on the opposite counter to him, falling into a conversation about surfing and snacks. He’s fighting for justice for peanut-butter jelly sandwiches whilst you’re battling for the recognition of Nutella sandwiches. It’s easy and comfortable, and as the sun slips into view through the window – its rays chasing up the floorboards – the brownies cook and cool, and you do your best to enjoy the moment and not think about the hickey on his chest.
~*~*~*~*~*
Now that summer had begun and school had ended, it felt the days stretched on for miles. Light mornings and lighter nights. Good weather near daily. The odd hurricane warning and occasional storm to give the water a drink, and then back to beauty. You decided not to waste a minute of it. Most days were spent with you band, writing songs and practising for gigs. Pansy was constantly on the search for new shows and venues that would let you play. Kiara’s parents were already talking about letting you guys do another gig at The Wreck. Benny had taken it on to try and teach you how to play the drums, even though it was halfway hopeless. It meant that you’d been hanging out at his house a lot more. You didn’t mind; liked his company.
Kiara had you hanging out with the Pogues near daily too. You’d become a regular at the chateau, with Pansy sometimes tagging along, and had felt more and more comfortable around all the guys. Especially JJ. Whatever awkwardness that used to linger between the two of you had mostly vanished. He didn’t seem to hold back anymore; being his usual, effervescent self. ‘Young, dumb and broke’, Kie dubbed him.
“Hey, are you listening?” Benny asks you from behind the drum kit.
You look up from your phone, having read a text from Kie. We’ll be at Benny’s in five minutes.
“Just replying to Kie,” you tell him. “I’m going surfing with the Pogues.”
“Surfing? Since when did you like surfing?”
“Since this summer,” you shrug, pocketing your phone. You get up from your spot on the floor and walk around the drum kit, standing by his side.
Benny practised in his garage. His dad had soundproofed the place. Today was a hot one, leaving you no choice but to open the front shutter. The picture-book street he lived on was mostly empty, asides from the odd couples walking their dog or a kid flashing by on their bicycle.
You glance down at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Play it again?”
He smiles up at you and begins to play a beat, lips flattening in concentration. You smile as you watch him play. Some people are born musicians. They have a gift to find rhythm, can escape within it. Benny was one of those people. For someone so quiet, you found it funny how he settled on choosing the loudest instrument.
You nod your head to the beat. Shouting over the kick-drum, you say, “it sounds good! Think Pansy’ll find a good riff for it?”
“I’m more excited to hear your lyrics,” he loudly returns.
Coming up with lyrics hadn’t been any problem as of late. Your inspiration had never been more fruitful, for good and for bad, all thanks to a certain blonde haired boy.
He finished the repetitive rhythm, ending with the hi-hat. As he looks up at you, shaking his ginger hair off his damp forehead, he smiles.
“Your hair looks pretty today,” he tells you.
You take your hand from off his shoulder to touch at it, as if on reflex. “It does?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Thanks,” you say, smiling. “You don’t look to bad yourself, for it being like one-hundred degrees outside.”
Benny’s cheeks shine pink. He looks down at the drum kit in thought. “You wanna give it a try?”
“The drums?”
“Mhm.”
“I thought we’d learnt by now that me and drums don’t mix,” you laugh, shaking your head.
Benny won’t seem to take no for an answer, shoving the sticks into your hands. “Just, give it a try. You’re good at everything.”
“Not true,” you sing-song, but oblige in taking his seat.
Joking around, you tap a beat above your head on the sticks, counting yourself in like a rockstar. Then, you’re stumbling through a simple beat, laughing at your frequent mistakes. Benny’s smiling at you – you can see it in your peripheral – and nodding along as if you’re playing like a pro.
“Yo! Didn’t know Travis Barker lives here?”
At the sound of JJ’s shout, you stop and look up, laughing.
“Yeah. The Kardashian’s are just across the street,” you joke along. Benny comes to stand behind you as the rest of the Pogues walk into the garage.
“I’d believe it. Anything’s possible in Kook land,” John B shrugs.
Pope’s sauntering behind. “You ready to go surfing?”
“Yeah. Just need to grab my bag from the kitchen,” you say.
There’s the sudden feel of Benny’s hands on your shoulders, squeezing gently. He brushes some of your hair off one of them as he replies. “I’ll go grab it for you.”
Blinking away the surprise, you turn to catch a glimpse of the boy’s back as he darts into the house. That was weird.
Kiara starts talking about the waves they’ve already spotted. You move to stand, looking back to the Pogues to see that JJ’s staring at the door that Benny just went through. His hands are in his short pockets, jaw locked tight, as if he’s annoyed. That makes two weird things.
Walking over to your friends, laughing under breath at a joke John B makes, you nudge your shoulder against JJ’s bicep, hoping to lighten his mood. He looks down at you and smiles, tension somewhat fading. Benny returns with your bag, handing it to you, and you give him a wave farewell. Then, yourself and the Pogues are heading out the garage and into the banged-up Twinkie.
By the time you get to the beach, it’s late afternoon. Sunset is beginning to creep, teasing at the earth by patterning the sky with pink and orange. That doesn’t put the five of you off surfing. Instead, it’s like it spurs you on. Paddling out deeper into the waves, you hear Kiara give a small ‘whoop’ as you all turn to watch John B ride on the water. The rest of you are quick to join. You know how to surf; learnt when you were a kid. Having never had many friends, you didn’t surf all that often. But after meeting Kie – an avid surfer – and now hanging out with the Pogues, you found yourself out on the water more and more.
After an hour or so of surfing, the sky nearing dusk, you and JJ take a moment. JJ sits on his board, floating near you. You look down at your legs, kicking back and forth leisurely in the water.
“You have fun at Benny’s?” JJ asks.
You glance over to him. He’s watching the Pogues surf.
“I guess,” you shrug. “We’re working on some new stuff.”
JJ nods. His wet hair makes the highlights of blonde darker, curling slightly at the ends from the sea salt. It hangs shaggy over his face. Bare back, muscles taught, freckle-kissed from being out all day.
“Why are you acting all weird?” you can’t help but ask.
He looks to you. “I’m not acting weird.”
“Yes, you kinda are.”
“I’m not.”
“JJ, things haven’t been weird with us since the party. I don’t want them to go back to how they were before.”
“It’s not weird!”
“Look, if I did something—”
“You didn’t do anything, alright? It’s all good,” JJ insists. He nods at you, affirmingly, but you can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying.
You sigh and lay on your back on the board. Closing your eyes, you bask in the remnants of sunlight. If he doesn’t want to talk, you won’t force it. You know more than anyone how awful it feels to have words forced out of you.
The moment of bliss is interrupted by the feeling of cold, seawater splashing over you. You gasp, sitting up in shock. JJ’s laughing his ass off, hands on his chest. You glare through a smile and shake your head.
“Oh, you’re in for it, Maybank.”
His laughter doesn’t cease. He’s looking to you again, quirking a brow. “Oh, am I?”
“Uh huh,” you grin. You kick a splash at him, barely making enough to cover his legs.
“That was pitiful.”
“Shut up,” you chide.
“You Kooks can’t do anything right.”
With that, you’re jumping off your board and swimming over to his. He doesn’t have time to paddle away. You come to a stop by the side of his board and splash at him from up close, getting him perfectly in the face. He winces, laughing, spluttering out some water that seeps into his mouth.
“That’s cheating!”
You roll your eyes and grin, hoisting yourself onto his board. He starts to protest through his laughs, moving to wrestle you off, and in the process, you end up pulling him into the water with you. The two of you emerge, laughing, drenched like drowned rats. You brush your hair out of your face and wipe the water out of your eyes. When you open them, blinking past the sting of the salt, JJ’s watching you. There’s a strange look on his face, one that you think you might’ve seen before. The longer you look at him, the shadow of a smile resting comfortably on your sun-kissed cheeks, the easier you find to place it. From the gig, during the last song, when he seemed almost absent in thought.
Before you can dwell much longer, JJ seems to snap himself out of his haze. He shakes his hair of the water and pulls himself back onto his board.
“We should probably start heading back to shore,” he says.
That was weird.
You frown but don’t argue. Returning to your board, you listen as JJ hollers that the two of you are heading back to land, and then you both start to paddle. The gang soon follows. Wading out the water, carrying your board, the five of you head to where you’d dumped your stuff. JJ makes quick work of building a fire. Pope and Kiara dip into the snacks and drinks you’d brought, passing them around. You dig about in one of the bags for some water, instead coming out with a Uke. The stickers on it hint at it being Kie’s. Hanging onto it, you look around and decide to take the empty spot on the sand next to JJ. The water from your wet hair dribbles down your back. In the embers, you feel yourself beginning to dry.
JJ hands you a cider, taking the cap off using the pocketknife you bought him. You have a sip.  
“That was a pretty good surf,” Kie says, leaning back on her forearms.
Pope’s taken out his book, using his hoodie as a makeshift pillow to sit against as he reads.
“Just think tomorrow, we get to do it all again,” John B grins.
Kie clinks the neck of her bottle with his. “Here’s to that.”
Sand working as a makeshift bottle holder, you’ve taken to picking out random notes on the uke, absentmindedly tuning it.
“What you up to tomorrow?” JJ asks.
You look up at him. He’s put his cap back on; a green one, worn around the edges of the beak.
“Chilling out at home and practising, I think. Pansy managed to get us a gig at the June-Jam.”
“Wait, isn’t that kinda a big deal?” Kiara says. She must’ve been eavesdropping.
You shrug. “It’s only a fifteen-minute slot.”
“But the June-Jam Fair?”
“Yeah, folks from all over the county come out for that,” John B agrees, smiling.
“My dad’s setting up a shop there,” Pope tells you, looking up from his book. “If you guys need a snack, he’ll hook you up for free.”
“Thanks,” you smile, grateful.
“When is it?”
“Couple weeks’ time.”
“We’re coming,” Kiara declares. You chuckle, flustered and flattered at once.
“You don’t have to.”
“Well, we are, so…”
“You gonna play any of the new stuff you’ve been working on?” JJ wonders.
“Maybe,” you say. Fingers still chipping away at the strings, you shrug. “Got a few ideas that’re coming together.”
“Gonna play my favourite?”
“Of course,” you say. Rear view. He’d mentioned several times since hanging out with you how much he liked that song.
JJ sighs and moves to rest his head on your thighs. You don’t complain. Feel your heart stammer at having him so near, so comfortable in your presence. He takes his pocketknife out and begins to mess with it. The campfire light reflects off the blade as it zips in and out of sight.
John B and Kie have fallen into a conversation of their own and Pope is lost to the world of fiction.
“Why’d you like that song so much? I’ve written better ones,” you ask JJ.
He shrugs. Tips his cap over his face, as if taking a nap. “Just makes me think of things. I like the lyrics.”
“What kinda things?”
“Family things, maybe? Maybe not,” JJ vaguely replies. You hum, nodding.
You stare at the crackling fire. Small sheds of burnt up wood spit off into the air, fading away like dust, hiding into the smoke. There’s the cosy smell it churns up, tinted with the sea water that’s coated your skin. The rustle of movement has you looking back down to JJ, watching him retrieve a blunt and his lighter. He sighs. Balancing the joint between his lips, he flicks the lighter to life. On the metal of it is his carved initials. JJ. As you watch him take a drag, overcome with the smell of weed, you wonder how your life lined up in a way to end up here. Fifth grade you would have a fit if she knew you were hanging out with JJ Maybank. Hell, current you isn’t far off doing the same.
He's so effortlessly pretty. Maybe it’s because he has an aura about him that he doesn’t care what people think. Self-assured and light – all that you envy. There’s the faded colouring of a bruise on the apple of his cheek from a scruff he got into at a kegger the other night. The thought of the kegger that you didn’t attend makes your head stammer.
It seems whenever you let yourself fade into the fantasies of wondering what it might be like to have JJ as more than a friend (if he were to ever lean that way towards you), reality always finds a way to sink in. The reality that JJ is the loudest example of an extrovert, and you the spitting image of an introvert. He can pull chicks any time he wants, practically just has to look at them to have them swoon. Lies as if it’s second nature and strikes up conversations with strangers as though they’re lifelong friends. Crowds don’t make him uneasy and he can glide through a house party without needing to hide in the bathroom during a meltdown. He’s funny and charming and likeable.
But you? You spend your evenings sat in your room or on the porch, song writing, living in the safety of a daydream. Baking into the early hours of the morning and socialising with a select few individuals who had the patience to get to know you. Quiet and simple and boring. What the hell would JJ want with that?
Sighing, you hear yourself strumming out a melody. It seems to have naturally emerged from trial and error of messing with notes. You look down to watch your fingers work. There’s a melancholic undertone to the tune you’ve found, different to the one Pansy had shown you on the guitar, when the song had started to form.
Kiara and John B’s conversation momentarily dwindles at the sound of your playing. You try not to be discouraged, knowing they don’t mind the disturbance. JJ takes another hit of the bud, blowing it out and up into the air. After the chorus, you let the music fade away; the song’s only half-finished.
“That new?”
“Mhm,” you say, nodding. You’re looking at the stickers: Animal Rights in a pink, cartoon love heart…
“You’ve got the prettiest voice,” JJ quietly tells you. So quiet, you’re not entirely sure he did say it, or if you’ve contorted the murmurs of John B and Kie’s conversation, and the crackles of the fire, and the slosh of the waves, into something of a fantasy.
But, when you look down to him, he’s got this vacant smile on his face. “I’m real glad Kie introduced us.”
“Me too,” you smile.
Under his gaze, you feel how you imagine flowers do when the sun allows them to bloom. It’s a blissful rarity, to be affected by someone in such a way. Overwhelming, even. You force yourself to look away, towards the fire.
It hurts too much to stare at something you can’t have.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*
The June-Jam Fair comes around faster than you expect. It’s like being caught off guard like a lorry switching lanes without indicating. You only feel half prepared when you and the band are loading up Benny’s dad’s van.
“Who packed the back-up wires?” Pansy worries.
“I did,” Mike grunts, lifting one of the amps into the hold.
“Microphone stand?”
“Got it,” you say, sliding in a box of electronics.
“Okay, then, I think that’s everything,” she mumbles.
She’s spent the last ten minutes running through a mental list of every piece of musical equipment to ever exist. You wouldn’t be surprised if on the way to the fair, she starts listing off all the ways the show could go wrong (though that does seem more Benny’s style): guitar string breaking; microphone stops working; nuclear strike…
It’s hard to believe that the gig at The Wreck was three months ago, now. You’d spent the majority of the previous months hanging out with the Pogues, finding it hard to fathom how you killed the hours before knowing them.
As the four of you load into the van, with you and Benny in the front, Mike takes control of the aux. As him and Pansy sing along, venting out their pre-show nerves, you strike up conversation with the ginger haired boy. He’s been quiet – quieter than usual – with his fingers tapping on the steering wheel, a drummer’s habit.  
“I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in ages,” you half-laugh, somewhat awkward. “Summer’s going so fast.”
“Well, you dip at the end of nearly every band practise to hang out with your new friends, so,” Benny grumbles.
He seems mad about it, more than you expected him to be.
“I don’t ‘dip’, I just head-out,” you say.
“Yeah. All the time,” Benny mumbles.
Frowning, you say sincerely, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it was bothering you guys so much. I just like hanging out with the Pogues. They’re fun.”
Benny sighs, shaking his head. “No, it’s cool. It’s just…I just missing having you around, is all.”
“But, I am around. I still come to band practise. Hell, we all got breakfast the other day.”
“That’s not what I mean,” he says, shaking his head once more. “It doesn’t matter.”
“If it’s messing with our friendship then it does matter, Benny,” you say.
You see him debate whether to expand or not. In the end, he does. As he speaks, he looks at you.
“I miss me and you hanging out, is what I mean.”
Your lips part. Oh. “Well, we can still do that.”
“We can?”
“Yeah, of course,” you smile. “How about tomorrow we go for food or something?”
“Yeah?”
“Sure.”
“Why not tonight?” he wonders, looking back to the road.
“I’m hanging out with the Pogues tonight,” you say, apologetically. “JJ and Kie and everyone.”
“JJ,” Benny repeats. He says it under breath, in a scoff, like he didn’t mean to let it slip.
You frown. “What? Don’t you like him?”
“No, yeah, he’s…He’s a character,” Benny settles on, giving you the briefest of looks as he replies. “I just don’t see why he’d wanna hang around with you so much.”
You try and ignore the sting of his words, digging into your chest like the horn of a thistle. “What’d you mean?”
“You two barely have anything in common. I just find it kinda weird how you get along so well,” Benny explains. His voice is always gentle, soft and non-demanding, but somehow it doesn’t lessen the blow. “You talk about him all the time. All the dumb shit you get up to. Not to mention how much weed you’ve been smoking with him. Just find it weird how you’re suddenly the type of person who gets along with JJ Maybank.”
“Well, I just…am,” you say, shrugging. Off put from the conversation, you look out the passenger window.
“I know you like him.”
Crap. Your stomach flips. “No, I don’t.”
“Of course you do,” Benny says, laughing. “Who doesn’t? He’s an attractive guy, I’m not stupid. He’s an adrenaline junky and a bad-boy, and everybody loves a bad-boy, don’t they?”
“He’s not a ‘bad-boy’, Benny. Sides, who actually says that, outside of the movies?” you add, hoping to recover the exchange into something light.
“He’s trouble, is what he is,” Benny tells you. His voice is firm and definitive. The way he says it makes you think back to the fishing shop, and how the cashier was watching JJ like a hawk.
“He’s not trouble,” you reply, trying not to keep your tone softer. “He’s nice.”
“Nice,” Benny scoffs. Licking his teeth, he nods, staring ahead at the road. “Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself.”
The foul taste from the conversation with Benny doesn’t ease up for the rest of the journey. It lingers in your throat as you set-up on stage and comes back, full force, when the Pogues come over to greet you. Wish you luck for the show. The rough feeling of JJ’s knuckles, and the cold press of his rings, when you fist bump him. How he knows that you don’t like to hug before shows, with your anxiety sky-high. As you sing through the songs, talk to the crowd, work through the nerves that never fully fade, you find yourself looking to JJ more and more. Whenever you do, there’s Benny’s voice in the back of your head, almost judgemental as he repeats the mantra: ‘I just don’t see why he’d wanna hang around with you so much.’
Was he right? Does JJ just like seeing how he can make you nervous? Enjoys watching you squirm and fumble through social interactions, wade through his compliments as gracefully as a paralysed ballet dancer?
No, he’s not mean. He’s kind and he’s soft with you, but not in a way that makes you feel like you’re made of glass. He knows how to joke with you, how to get a laugh from you. Knows how far to push and when to pull back. JJ knows you. He’s your friend. He wants to be your friend. Doesn’t he?
Or did Kie talk to him, after all? He’d said how she’d told him you were quiet before the gig at The Wreck, as if warning him off. After the party, how do you know that she didn’t hunt him down before he bumped into you in the bathroom? That she told him about your pathetic school-girl crush, and it bolstered his ego, and he found himself trapped in this awkward thing of having to be friends with the weird, quiet girl who has an unattainable crush on him…
As your overthinking goes to hell quicker than a penny falling from the Empire State Building, you manage to keep up with the songs and belt out the lyrics. You can’t bring yourself to look at JJ when you conclude on Rear View. Have to close your eyes. The lyrics sting a bit too much. More than they usually do.
The Pogues are waiting at the end of the show.
“That was dope, you guys! Everyone loved it!” Kiara buzzes, high-fiving Pansy.
“Might be our best show yet,” Mike agrees, nodding. He’s packing away his bass.
“We’re gonna head off in about ten minutes or so,” Kie says.
“Pope’s meeting us at the Chateau later. His dad roped him into helping out,” John B tells you.
“You guys are coming right?” Kie asks the four of you.
Mike looks up from his spot near the amp, unplugging wires. “I’m gonna pass. Got a date.”
“You’ve got a date?” Pansy gapes.
“Yeah?”
“With who?”
“This chick I met at your birthday party,” he shrugs. You have a vague memory of seeing him talking to a girl, before you went up to him that night.
“Why are you so secretive, Mike? What other second-lives are you leading?” Pansy teases.
Mike rolls his eyes, giving a covert smiling. “They die with me. I’ll see y’all later.”
As he waves farewell and walks away, Pansy shakes her head, almost impressed. “God bless that weird, strange man.”
“So that leaves three?” John B checks, pointing to you three.
You still haven’t looked at JJ. Pansy answers on your behalf. “Well, us two definitely are. Benny?”
“I’ll pass. I’ve got a curfew,” Benny says.
“Most Kook thing I’ve ever heard,” JJ sniggers.
“Yeah? Well, I’m sure it’s nice having parents who don’t give a shit,” Benny replies sharply.
You frown. Looking to Benny, your eyes are narrowed in confusion.
JJ frowns too, only for different reasons. Staring him down, he stands a head higher.
“What’d you say, princess?”
“Look, man, I’m sorry your dad’s a criminal but I don’t see what that’s gotta do with me.”
JJ’s jaw goes rigid. His body tenses. Anger comes over him suddenly like a hurricane. He takes a step forward, gladly getting in Benny’s face. JJ’s taller, broader, stronger. Benny’s hours spent playing the drums don’t stand a chance in a round with him.
“You wanna say that again, Kook?”
“Guys, come on,” Kie says, trying to step between them.
“You like messing with her, huh? You having fun with it? Like having her gawking after you?” Benny bites back.
His eyes flit to you as he talks. Your heart fractures.
JJ shoves him on the chest. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, man.”
“I know who you are, JJ. Everybody does. You don’t fool me, with this whole good-guy act you’ve got going on with her. You’re messing her up. Getting her to do drugs with you and shit? You’re gonna end up hurting her, like you hurt everybody else. Just what you Pogues do.”
“Benny, what the hell?” you whisper.
JJ isn’t as silent in his anger. He swings a punch, knocking Benny straight in the cheek, sending him backwards against the stage. Some stranger from the fair exclaims when they catch sight. John B immediately steps in between. JJ is reluctant to backdown, standing over Benny, urging him to fight back. When Benny goes to do retaliate, you come to your senses and step up. You grab for his wrist before he can throw his punch.
“Don’t be an idiot, Benny,” you snap.
His eyes flash to you. Something behind them seems to break. He hides it with anger. “You’re taking his side?”
“I’m not taking anybody’s side,” you say, annoyed. “This is pathetic. Both of you.”
As you talk, you let your eyes glance to JJ. He’s breathing heavy, still pissed, but takes a step back at your disapproval.
“We’re at a Goddamn family fair. Both of you need to get your shit together,” you tell them sharply.
You let go of Benny’s wrist and walk off, heart beating out your chest. You hate confrontation. Hate when people fight.
Kiara and Pansy come after you, both of them bitching about how useless boys are. You fold your arms across your chest and blink back tears. No matter what emotion you experience, it always seems to resolve with waterworks. It’s then, as you think back to the altercation, that you hardly recognise the memory of Benny in that moment. It’s so disappointing when you see who people for who they truly are, beneath all the personas, only for them to end up being fickle and fake.
Your feet carry you to the back-ends of the fair, lit up by the remnants of daylight. It’s nothing but storage containers, vans and trucks, the odd horse and animal box from the farm-show. You take perch on the step of one of the empty caravans. Pansy and Kiara sit beside you, the former coiling her arms around you in a hug. You place your head in your hands and let out a few tears. There’s no point fighting them off.
“JJ is so stupid sometimes,” Kie mutters.
“No kidding. And Benny? Pushing at him like that?”
“Asking for a fight.”
“Guys are so dumb,” Pansy concludes with a sigh, shaking her head.
You sit up and wipe your cheeks.
“Where’s your head at, hun?” she asks you, softly.
Shaking your head, you scoff. “I have no idea. I don’t understand why Benny would say things like that. Why he’d lash out at JJ like that, about me.”
“Well, it’s cause he likes you,” Pansy says plainly.
You shoot her a look of pure bewilderment. “What?”
“Girl, it’s so obvious,” she chuckles, sympathy in her gaze. “The guy practically follows after you like a love-sick puppy.”
“She’s right, you know? Even I can see it,” Kie confirms.
You look between the two of them. Benny? Seriously?
You’ve spent so much of your life alone, out of the minds of boys and girls, void of compliments, that you find it hard to believe anybody might have a thing for you. Least of all, Benny. Sweet, quiet, unassuming Benny. Well, until tonight, that is.
But come to think…The last few months, he’s been weird. The random compliments he’s been dropping, when he never used to before. That time in the garage, when he messed with your hair and put his hands on your shoulders. The car ride today, disapproving of JJ.
“I know you like him.”
The penny drops.
“He’s…jealous?” you whisper.
“No duh, dumbass,” Kiara mutters.
“But- Wait, of what?”
Your life feels as though it has suddenly become a teenage rom-com after being nothing but years of a podcast of white-noise a person could fall asleep.
“Of JJ,” Kie answers, as if it’s obvious.
“Why in the hell would he be jealous of JJ?”
A look gets shared between Pansy and Kiara.
“Because JJ has a thing for you too…”
“JJ does not have a thing for me,” you snort. “He doesn’t have a thing for me, alright? You guys are way off.”
“Hun—”
“No, he doesn’t, alright?” you can’t help but snap at Kie. The emotions of the last few months are bubbling inside of you. More tears well up. “Why would he? I’m awkward, and I’m useless, and I’m desperate, and I’ve been in love with him since I was a kid and have never done anything about it! I’m pathetic! And he’s…Well, he’s him. He’s funny and charming and fucking gorgeous and…And I’m just me.”
Pansy and Kiara are staring at you with eyes full of pity. They don’t speak, but Kiara grabs at your hand and squeezes it tight.
"Don’t ever talk about yourself like that,” she tells you in a voice that’s firm but sweet, like cookie dough.
“I’ll slap you if you say anything like that again,” Pansy not-so-delicately doubles.
You laugh through your tears at that. Wiping your face, sighing, you look down at the ground.
“I…I think you should really talk to JJ,” Kiara offers. “You can say whatever you want, but I see how he is around you. He’s never like that, with anyone. You bring out a different side of him, and I mean that in the best way.”
“She’s right,” Pansy nods, nudging your shoulder. “I was looking at him through the set, and he had his eyes glued on you.”
“I’m the singer,” you sigh in disagreement.
“Yeah, but I’m the most talented one up there,” Pansy replies, as if it’s obvious. You laugh at her antics. “Everyone should be looking at me.”
Looking to your two friends, you can’t help but feel a swell of gratefulness for having them stick by you. Nodding, you sniff away the last few tears.
“I wanna talk to JJ,” you tell them.
“Perfect,” Kiara says. “He’ll probably be at the chateau. I’ll give you a lift.”
Doing as she says she will, Kie drops you off at the Chateau on her drive home. As you climb out the car, Pansy sticks her head out the back window.
“You sure you wanna go on your own?” she double-checks.
You smile at her. She’s a good friend.
“Yeah, I’m good,” you nod.
She smiles back. “Alright. Now, remember: you’re hot, you’re talented, and you’re a catch-twenty-two.”
“Got it,” you say with a laugh, rolling your eyes.
“Good,” Pansy nods. Mission accomplished. “Go get ‘em.”
You wave farewell to Kie as she pulls back out the driveway and onto the road. The moment the car’s gone, you’re abandoned in darkness. A few birds are giving their final caws of the day, settling down for the night. Crickets and night critters merge with the distant lapping of the water of the marsh. Sighing, you wrap your jumper tighter around yourself in a hug and walk towards the back garden. You’re hoping JJ’s here. Kiara said he should be.
As you round the side of the house, you make out the hammock. It’s swaying lightly. There’s a foot extended out of it, heel of a boot dug into the ground, causing it to rock. The faint puff of smoke that blows up makes you certain it’s him.
“JJ?”
The rocking stops.
You walk a bit closer until you’re in his line of sight. He’s looking down at his hands, one of which is messing with his pocketknife as the other cradles a joint.
“Hey,” you quietly say.
“Hey,” he mumbles. His cap is tilted down, concealing his face slightly.
“How’s your hand?” you ask.
He glances to it. Nods. “It’s fine.”
Nodding, you shift your weight from one foot to the other. “Can I join you?”
He stops fiddling with the knife. There’s an awkward pause before he nods, shifting so you can climb onto the hammock. You take a spot by his feet. He uses his foot as an anchor to steady the sway.
“Did you like the set?”
“Mhm.”
“I played one of the new ones,” you say. He nods, feigning disinterest.
“It was nice,” he says. “Benny help you write it?”
You sigh. “Seriously, JJ?”
He looks up at that. Eyes dazzling in the moonlight. “What?”
“Did you have to hit him?”
“The guy was asking for it, alright? You heard what he said to me, didn’t you?” JJ defends, sitting up.
 “Of course, I did. But you can’t just hit anybody who pisses you off.”
“You don’t get it, alright?”
“Sure I don’t,” you reply, sarcastic.
“No, you don’t,” he repeats, firmer. He pushes his cap back as he goes on, blunt momentarily abandoned. “You live in your little Kook world, ignorantly bliss to the shitshow that goes on around you.”
His words set off something inside of you.
“I’m not some stuck-up snob, JJ. Don’t treat me like I am. That’s not fair. Being a Kook and a Pogue has nothing to do with you picking a fight with Benny at the fair.”
JJ laughs, tossing his head back. He wipes a hand down his face. “Oh, you’re so stupid sometimes, you know that? It has everything to do with it!”
“How!? How does that make any sense?” you gape, sitting upright. You wave your arms around. “In what Pogue-Kook universe do you have to pick a fight with Benny? We’re just friends!”
“For someone so quiet, you sure don’t pay attention,” JJ insults, staring you in the eyes.
Your resolve slackens. “Don’t be mean, JJ.”
“According to your little boyfriend, that’s all I can be,” he mutters, looking back down to his pocketknife.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” you sigh, exhausted. You rub at your forehead. “I don’t know where all that stuff came from, okay? He’s never acted like that before. I’m so embarrassed, and I’m so sorry he said all that to you, and he was way out of line. I don’t know why he did it.”
“I do! Everyone does! It’s obvious! The guy’s in love with you. He thought he was defending your honour or some shit,” JJ spits.
“He’s not in love with me,” you deny. Maybe he might have a crush on you, but in love? Come on now.
“Seriously? You seriously don’t see it?” JJ says, voice rising again.
You shrug, making a face as if to say ‘no, I really don’t’.
It seems to make him angry again.
“He follows you around all the time! He’s always watching you, alright? Always. He’s looking at you all the time. Complimenting you. Making little jokes, hoping that you’ll laugh. Finding any excuse to spend time with you. Like with that teaching-you-the-drums bullshit? What the hell was that? And don’t get me started on that little display he did in the garage that day! With the hands on the shoulders and stuff and grabbing your bag for you like a little pussy-whipped simp. Helping you out without you even asking for him too--”
“That’s your definition of love?” you practically shout, cutting him off with a scoff. “You do all of that!”
“Exactly!” JJ yells.
Silence.
JJ’s breathing heavy. You see the moment the words catch up. See his face drop into panic, then glaze over as if uninterested. Your mind’s racing, scrambling for purchase and muddling through interpretations…
But…there’s only one though. Right?
JJ looks out to the water. He takes a hit from his joint, almost desperate.
“JJ,” you whisper.
He shakes his head. Looks down at his joint as if it’s something to inspect. As if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “Doesn’t matter, alright?”
“Yes, it does.”
“No-” his clipped tone is cut off with a sigh. You see him close his eyes. Collects himself. There’s a lingering quiet. A mosquito nips at your ankle but you can’t bring yourself to waft it away.
“You don’t know the effect you have on people, do you?” He asks you quietly. He opens his eyes to look out to the water. You’re not sure if you’re meant to answer. Before you can, he’s talking once more.
“Benny’s got almost everything in common with you, okay? He’s rich, he’s got a nice house, nice family. Goes to a good school. I bet he gets good grades, too. Talented. And he’s not the worst looking asshole, alright? So, yeah. It is a Kook-Pogue thing, alright?”
His eyes flit to you for a moment but he doesn’t let them linger. He looks back down to the pocketknife. His thumb dances over the wood of it.
“It was always gonna be a Kook-Pogue thing. The moment that I realised I liked you; I knew there was no chance. I mean, what the hell would you want with a guy like me?”
Oh.
There’s a strange, euphoric feeling that comes after JJ talks. You suddenly feel like you understand why you’ve always gotten along with JJ. It’s like you’ve been staring in a mirror this whole time. It’s then that that you realise that you’re not nervous anymore. That you haven’t been nervous in a while, whenever JJ’s around. That if you ever do feel anxious or unsure, finding his face, meeting his eyes, searching for his smile; it always brings you back. Suddenly, you don’t care about the differences; the small, insignificant things that really don’t matter, when you think about it, because as long as you’ve got JJ, you don’t care what happens.
He says Benny’s got more in common with you, but Benny doesn’t know about the panic attacks or how to ease you back from them. He doesn’t know how to make you laugh; not to the point where you feel your stomach might collapse and your ribs might break. His compliments don’t make you feel like there’s a shot of electricity running through you, quick and painless. With Benny, they’re just nice words, like when a cashier tells you to have a good day. Maybe he’s book smart and plays the drums well, but JJ could tell you anything you want to know about fishing: how, where, when. Mechanics and boats and handy-man tricks. Intelligence wasn’t one thing; it wasn’t just about being able to dissect a Shakespeare quote. And you could sit and listen to him talk all day. The cadence of his voice rising and falling like the tide of the water.
You’ve liked JJ since you were a kid. Since that stupid day on the marsh, when you were frog hunting, and you saw him on the rope swing. He was so funny. So bubbly and lively. Everything you wished you could be. And when he looked at you, through the bushes of the marsh, and smiled…that smile became every inspiration for every song you wrote. The thought in the back of your mind when you conjured up the lyrics. As he got older, he became more beautiful, twisting into the definition of an American heartthrob. Your lives stretched differently and you came to accept that liking him would be a pipedream. Something you could live in your fictional songs. But then came Kiara, and The Wreck, and everything else, and it all lined up so nicely. It was as if an invisible string was tied around your wrist the first day you saw him, guiding you to now.  
Right now.
You shift onto your knees and move up the hammock until you’re face to face with JJ. Before either of you has time to think, you’re cupping his jaw and guiding his lips to yours. Under the unsteady purchase of the hammock, you move your free hand to his chest for balance. It’s hard and sturdy. Once the shock slips away, JJ’s kissing you back. One of his hands comes to your face, swiping across your cheek and pushing back some of your hair that’s fallen into your face. His other comes to sit on your waist. Squeezes your skin softly, as if checking that you’re real: joint and pocketknife abandoned. A feeling zips through your body, right down to your toes. It’s indescribable. It’s sweet and mercurial and…it’s JJ. It’s all JJ.
When you pull back, you’re smiling.
JJ’s eyes open slowly. A smile is blooming on his face too, cheeks pink, lips still parted, damp from your touch.
“Okay,” he whispers.
You giggle, biting your lower lip. “Okay?”
“Not what I was expecting,” he admits with a small laugh.
You can’t help but kiss him again, wanting to taste his laughs. He gladly pulls you closer, shifting you so you’re straddling his waist. The more you kiss, the more he eases into touching you, the more you relax into kissing him. Finding a rhythm and a pattern that has the two of you short of breath.
Breaking apart once more, JJ stares at you as if in a trance. The same look from The Wreck and from the ocean. You recognise what it is now.
He strokes a finger across your cheek and you lean into the touch of his palm. Makes him smile brighter.  
“You gonna write a song about me now?” he quietly jokes. His eyes flick down to your lips.
You smile, laugh almost silently as you shake your head. Before leaning down to kiss him again, you confess your only remaining secret to him in a whisper.
“They’re already about you. Every single one of them.”
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