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#it's been in my drafts for I think a year
coolnonsenseworld · 3 days
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❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
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I'm catching up with comms so in the meantime here is a page from KF 2022 PDF, which I drew to substitute for a NSFW post!
I hope you will have a great Monday <3
52 weeks of KICK Fridays - what is it?
It's 3 PDFs made out of my Patreon content where I published Klance each Friday (Kick Fridays) since 2020. You can buy them by lowest price Patreons could pay each year to see it (1/month) on my shop (payhip.com/mezzy). I publish something for each sold PDF 💞
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mrs-weasley-reid · 2 days
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Regrets Sting
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Spencer Reid x bau!reader
Summary: You have always been there for Spencer. Turns out, he's never going to be there for you.
Warning: Angst.
A/N: one of my many drafts... enjoy 👀?
— ✿ — ✿— ✿ ✿ ✿
You love Dr. Spencer Reid.
As a colleague, a friend, and, well, a respected man.
Granted, you spent most of your days with a small herd of profilers, but you were great at hiding your feelings for him, if you do say so yourself.
You watched him smile awkwardly with love from one woman to the other. Then, there was Maeve. He was in love with her. You didn't need your profiling skills to lead to that conclusion.
It broke your heart when you heard Spencer's plea. It broke your heart when he couldn't even function properly. And your heart broke for him as you watched him fall on his knees, crying over Maeve.
So you chose friendship. You always have, after all.
You became his anchor. His support. His best friend.
You were there for him. You were there when he was ready to open up. You lent him your shoulder. You became his personal napkin, soaking up all his tears in the hopes that it would lessen the pain, even just a little bit. You kept him company, dragging him out of his apartment to bring him anywhere besides the gloom in his empty home.
And without him, or you, knowing, you gave him your heart. You were in love with Dr. Spencer Reid.
It made you feel guilty, but it was inevitable. Who would've known you could fall deeper than you already were? Not even you, apparently.
And yet, you remained the person he could cry on for two years. You pawned him a shoulder for a long, drawn-out two years. Shoving your feelings in the back of your mind as if it wasn't anything important to you.
The deeper you fell for him, the faster the team caught up with your feelings.
JJ figured it out first when she saw the ends of your hair as you walked in Spencer's apartment the first year of Maeve's death. Spencer had been unresponsive to everyone, but not to you. You managed to get him to open his door just by the sound of your footsteps. She knew, then, that he was in good hands.
Emily and Derek noticed how you felt at the same time. You were all on a case, and an officer who awfully looked a lot like Maeve emerged. You were protective of Spencer, knew exactly what his reaction would be. So you had everything he needed and offered to work with him before Hotch could even mention it. Of course, along that was Penelope getting a confirmation about your feelings for Spencer.
Rossi always knew. He always saw the way you would giggle silently to yourself whenever Spencer sassed his statistics into them. One time, he saw you clean Spencer's desk before everyone arrived. And he suspected that you did so a while back before he caught you.
Hotch? He noticed, but he said nothing unless you verbally told him. He thought you weren't ready to openly admit your feelings to the team yet, so who was he to mention it?
And so it goes...
Emily would grin whenever Spencer gave you coffee every morning. Derek would wiggle his eyebrows whenever he caught your gaze on Spencer, then gossip about it with Penelope, which led to her teasing you 'til sundown. Rossi, at times, tried to ease your feelings when they surfaced. Your solid companion whenever you felt down. And Hotch was ever a menace, stern face or not. He would partner you and Spencer up, specifically on the days when your feelings for the genius were oddly stronger.
So, you could only imagine the heartbreak when Spencer arrived one morning with the wrong order of your coffee and a wide smile as he told you that he was going out on a date.
You immediately showed your protest. Of course, Spencer wasn't happy about it. What was worse was he didn't know why. And worse than that was you couldn't tell him why.
Or so you thought.
"I don't understand why you're making a big deal out of this," Spencer followed you as you walked around the bullpen.
"You just met this woman, Spence. I think it's safe to say, I'm worried. You don't even know whether this person is safe." You lied. You had to. He didn't need to know you didn't want him to go on a date because it would break you.
Spencer crossed his arms, knitting his eyebrows as he felt offended by your words. "I'm a profiler and have 187 IQ. I can take care of myself." He stated, earning a couple of stares from the other agents.
You mirrored his actions, "Really?" You challenged, nodding in his direction, specifically to his tie. "You can't even tie the same tie you've been wearing for years properly. Looks like you haven't done laundry too, because, as far as I can remember, you've been wearing that same vest for the past three days. Are you going to wear that on your date?" You raised a brow.
Emily's eyes blew wide, pursing her lips to eat her laughter in. She looked away in hopes that the urge to burst into fits of laughter would subside. Unfortunately, Derek was doing the same thing, and they both snorted at the same time.
"Obviously, I'm not going to wear this on the date. This is clearly not about how homeless I look like. Just be honest with me and tell me why you're so against me being happy." Spencer's voice climbed an octave higher. He was frustrated and confused, and you both knew how much he hated both.
You closed your eyes and sighed deeply. You really had no other choice, do you? You turned around to face Spencer, "I'm in love with you." You confessed, hoarding the entire bullpen's attention.
Spencer chuckled, shaking his head, "Right, nice joke."
"I'm not joking." It offended you a bit. How much he compared your confession to a silly joke.
Spencer's face darkened. He uncrossed his arms and dipped his hands inside his pockets. His next words broke your heart, "I'm very disappointed in you."
Your eyes widened. Your mouth fell open as you heard your heart break into pieces, so loud you couldn't get a sense of what more he was saying.
"I came to you for two years to mend. You became my best friend because I thought I could trust you. And now, you're in love with me? Did you help me just so you could gain my affection?"
It stung. The silence that fogged the bullpen was deafening. Emily wanted to claw Spencer's eyes, but JJ was fast to hold her back.
Derek began to move beside you, "Reid, don't—"
Your manic laugh cut him off.
Spencer's eyebrows narrowed, "What?" His voice was far from the gentle one you were used to.
"You know what, Reid?" You scoffed, running your tongue on your lower lip to control your anger. "You're right. I was there for you. I was there to lend you a shoulder to cry on. I was there to keep you company. I made you smile. I even made you laugh! And sure, you're very disappointed in me because, god forbid, I fell for the genius prodigy. With the 187 IQ you're boasting, imagine my disappointment when you can't even figure out that I have feelings for you."
The bullpen fell silently dead as you stared at Spencer with such hatred it made his stomach climb on his throat. He has never seen you so... disgusted.
You couldn't take it. You couldn't look at him in the eyes anymore. You felt like you were going to throw up the longer you stood in the center of it all.
His words insulted you. And it hurt like a bitch.
There were many possibilities on how Spencer could've responded to your feelings, but this was beyond your limit.
You bit your lower lip, hesitant yet eager to spill the next words that came out of your mouth. "For the record, I regret falling in love with you." And with that, you left.
An offer from another unit had been sitting in your inbox. And despite having no plan to leave such a beautiful family of colleagues, you filled out the transfer form. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew that you needed an out sooner or later. And Spencer's insensitive reaction was just the right motivation you needed.
The Monday after your outburst became the BAU team's worst nightmare.
Spencer immediately noticed your absence. He knew. Of course, he did. You were always the first person to greet him as you spun around in your seat. It was rare for you to be late.
You haven't contacted him for days, either. And he didn't have the guts to do it first. He has been drowning in guilt and couldn't figure out how he'd make it up to you. He realized how unfair he was to you, albeit too late.
Everyone arrived one by one, and there was still no sign of you until Hotch cleared his throat, "Let's start."
Penelope stumbled, hesitating at the sight of your empty seat. "What about..." She softly muttered and yet loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Agent..." Hotch sighed as he spoke your name. He still remembered how you went back to his office while everyone was out for their lunch break and submitted your transfer request. "She officially transferred to unit 4, violent criminal apprehension program... today," Hotch announced, much to his dismay.
Derek's eyebrows knitted, glancing outside the window of the conference room to your desk. "Are you kidding? Her stuff is still here."
Hotch took a deep breath, glancing at Spencer for a moment. "She said they were unnecessary items." He cleared his throat and gestured for Penelope to continue what she was doing.
Regrets stung Spencer like a thousand bees.
Most of the things that clattered on your desk were things that you both shared. His pens that you never gave back. Post-it notes he left for you that had no importance, but you kept them up on the wall of your cubicle. A photo booth picture of the two of you from one of Rossi's Christmas parties. The small bookshelf on top of your desk overflowing with Spencer's annotated books.
"But she didn't even tell us. She didn't say goodbye." Penelope exclaimed. Her eyes matched the frown on her lips. She couldn't help but talk about you. After all, they were your family for many years.
"Could you blame her though?" Emily scoffed, giving Spencer a glare.
Spencer messed up. Big time. And he has no idea how he would make it up to you.
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sweetenerobert · 2 days
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toy story
8.1k | action figure!joel miller x male reader
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summary: contemplating throwing out your favorite toy, he comes to life and makes your last night before you leave for college memorable
warnings: MDNI 18+, agalmatophilia, strong language, slight possessive joel, childhood friends to lovers (if you squint) no mention of age besides reader leaving for college, l-word drops, pet names (mostly doll and baby), spanking, dirty talking joel, no description of reader, but joel lifts you (1), oral (m!giving/m!receiving) rimming, spit as lube, unprotected p in a, creampie,
inspired by this post , also huge thanks to @strang3lov3 new tattoo for this fucking idea, i love you so much and thank you for letting me rant to you about this idea that been in my drafts for FUCKING MONTHS
thanks to @minispidey for beta, love you <333
dividers by @saradika-graphics
➴ navigation page/masterlist in bio
➴ notifications blog in bio, follow and turn on notifications
read it on a03 as well
I’VE MISSED YOU GUYS!! SOOO MUCH!!
Moonlight piercing through the cotton curtains of your childhood bedroom, dust dancing through the luminescent shards from your window. Two boxes stacked on each other in the corner of your room, your closet’s life ripped away from the clothes once hung in the small confined space. 
Wiping the sweat that littered your forehead as you huffed a breath, you lay down on the small circular rug that riddled the floor, staring at the ceiling light. You were getting ready to leave for college, and packing up your life seemed more stressful than lifting weights off your shoulders. 
Constant choices about what to throw away or bring with you kept swimming in your brain, and overthinking two simple decisions kept making your head spin, mostly ending with you sitting silently thinking about your answer. This wasn’t one of those situations; you had just finished packing and felt like you deserved a break.
Alone in your childhood home while your parents had picked up late shifts and your siblings were out, the silence was deafening, but you preferred the quiet. It gave you time to process everything. Seeing the stars tapped onto your ceiling made you smirk as you glanced around your bare room.
Eyes catching an object underneath the bed, you turned your body to understand the object better. It was your old lumberjack action figure when you were a kid; it must’ve fallen off the shelf over your window. You don’t remember if it came with a name or you made it up, but you called him Joel. 
That name stuck with you until now, even when you were a kid, when you introduced Joel to your friends as they commented on it. Being a “weird name,” you didn’t care; you loved the name. 
Attempting to grab him from the bed, you realize that it would be easier to grab Joel from your bed. You were quickly climbing up on your bed and scrambling to the side, quickly sliding your hand down the crack of the wall and your bed. Tips of your fingers grazing the fake axe on the back of the action figure, biting your lip as your nail pulls the toy closer towards the wall, retracting your head a few feet up as you see it closer to the wall.
The action figure is in your grasp, sliding your knuckles up on the cold wall while your palm touches the cotton sheets wrapped around your mattress. The toy is now in your hand, and you notice how it’s looked the same after all the years. A couple of tiny patches of color are missing from his plastic hair, and his face and plastic beard stay the same. Joel’s clothes are dusty, balls of lint cover his pants and shirt, and his boots are dustier than anything. You quickly blow a puff of air, trying to clean him off the best you can.
“Hey, Joel. How ya been?’ 
Did I use to talk to this thing? Man, I was a weird kid. 
Joel was your therapist before you even knew what therapy was — telling him about how you finally could spell Wednesday without misspelling it, How you passed each spelling/vocabulary test, and how the boys at school were bullying you. Joel always listened to you; he was your toy, and he didn’t care as long as he was there to protect you – metaphorically.
Loving Joel was easy—he was your first crush—but trying to explain that to a toy was difficult. Bringing Joel with you to live in your college dorm seemed like a hard decision. Glancing at the tiny trash can next to your bed, you glance back at Joel and discard him in the trash bin. 
Wiping your hands on your pants, you looked at the bags and boxes that had cluttered the corner of your room and huffed a breath in annoyance as you decided it would be wise to have your life packed away downstairs.
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It didn’t take you long to realize how much you hated your fucking stairs. You were leaning on the top of the stairs – on the handrail, catching your breath. Your bedroom was in your field of view; you would’ve crawled into your room if your knees hadn’t creaked with each movement. 
One of the main things you wouldn’t miss about your house would be the stairs that killed you slowly with each trip up and down the wooden stairwell. 
Slowly getting up from the floor, your feet trudged towards your bedroom door. You were pushing the gateway of your bedroom, earning a creak from its hinges. Your eyes glanced down towards the dark chocolate wood floor with each step into your room. “Finally, I’m ready to lay down in my –” You started to pick your head up, glancing at the figure sitting on your night, playing with a pink eraser he must’ve found in the trash bin.
“– bed.”
"Doll, what's up with you throwin' me away?"
W-what? That one question kept flying around in your head. Not, who is this? Not, what is happening? Just a simple question: What kept spinning around your head?
In the back of your mind, you knew who it was sitting in front of you. It wasn’t a dream, not your imagination; it was real life. Your action figure — your lumberjack, Joel in the flesh? 
He looked real, too real. His hair's curls looked fluffy, and his skin's wrinkles looked defined. His clothes looked like he’d gotten them from a store, with wrinkles littering his shirt and jeans and his boots rubbing against the wood. Your childhood toy was in front of you, alive and in the flesh.
“Too stunned to speak, doll?” 
Shaking your head from the thoughts swimming around you, you look at the male before you. “What?”
“Got my answer. Can’t believe I rendered my doll speechless.”
Joel’s build shocked you as he stood up from his position; his shoulders were broad, his biceps bulging from his flannel – you knew he rolled his sleeves up. Vein’s threatening to burst from his arms and hands. Your former action figure who walked in front of you felt menacing, like his aura made you cower in fear, but instead of fear, it was astonishment. That something you wished for years ago finally came true.
“How is this possible? How are you real?” You quivered. 
“The better question better be, “Why would I throw out such a precious toy?”
“Huh?”
“C’mon, doll, y’think I’m stupid or somethin’; I knew y’threw me out. Half m’foot was in the trash can when I started growing.” 
The answer was plain and simple: you didn’t want to bring him with you to college or leave him to give to someone else, so you thought just about getting rid of him would be. Clearly, Joel’s surprise appearance made things more complicated than they should. “I didn’t throw you out,” You quickly spat out. “You fell in there by accident.”
Joel’s tall figure stood tall in front of you, his once plastic hand – now turned flesh and genuine, his thumb slowly tracing your bottom lip. Your body was shuddering against his touch. “Y’know your body betrays you, sweetheart.”
“Just be honest; it doesn't hurt me, jus’ your pride.”
“J-Joel, listen —”
“Ah, now you know I exist; you were treating me like some hallucination,” Joel announced, backing up, sticking his thumb in the waistband of his jeans. 
“You’re aware that this could very well be a hallucination,” You shrugged.
“Slap yourself, then.” 
“Huh?” 
“Slap. Yourself. In. The face. Then.” Joel enunciated. 
“N-No! I’m not going to do that!” You exclaimed. 
“Okay, fine, then. You’ll never know if this is a hallucination then.” 
Groaning, you quickly connected your palm against your cheek, the skin on your palm and face stink earning a wince that you suck from your teeth.”Happy, now?”
“Blessed. I’m pretty sure you have many questions, which aren’t important, because we need to figger out why you threw me out?”
“I told you, I didn’t–”
“Doll, I’m not stupid. I saw you put me in there, now don’t bullshit me.”
The skin on your palm and cheek had been itchy to the point you wanted to scratch your palm and face simultaneously, resulting in you rubbing your knuckles on your face. But you didn’t even want to answer Joel—your childhood toy. Hurting your friend's feelings was something you never wanted to do; imagine how Joel would feel knowing the boy who had played with him since he was a kid didn’t want to take him to college with him.
But it was something that you had to say, something that you would dread telling anyone you love.
Deciding to rip the band-aid faster than slow, you take a breath, look at Joel’s once painted-on brown eyes, and see a soul behind his real-like eyes. “I didn’t want to take you to college with me, and giving you away seemed way too hard even to think about. So I threw you away.”
Joel looked shocked by your confession. He thought he was ready to hear what you had to say, but Joel wasn’t; he was more perplexed than anything. Moving from where he stood before you, he stumbles on the mattress and sits down to collect his thoughts. Joel’s head hangs as you sit down next to him. It was reminiscent of when you were younger and would watch movies in your living room, having Joel sit next to you while you imagined him laughing or getting mad at a character like you were.
For once, the silence in the room was deafening, and you didn’t like it; you didn’t know what Joel would say, which terrified you.
“Joel? Are you okay?”
Joel nodded. “Yeah,” He snuffled. “Was just thinkin’ bout somethin’.”
“What was it?’
“Joel, when I’m older, I’m taking you everywhere with me, no matter what. You're going to be with me during college, and even when I get the big boy job like my daddy does, you’ll always be there.”
The action figure you played with your whole childhood quoted what you told him in those peak years of being a kid and had nothing to worry about.
“I said that, I'm guessing?”
Joel nods. “You were always a happy kid, no matter what happened, always smiling.” You chuckle at Joel’s statement. It made a smile appear as you remembered that he was always there with you. But, you had to face the fact that you weren't a kid anymore; those promises you made to a toy — a mere plaything- weren't something you thought about as a hormonal teenager. 
Shaking your head, you snap your head at Joel. “Joel, I was a kid back then. I didn't know that growing up would be so different than what I thought.”
“I- I can't be that same kid again. I wish I could trust me, I wish I could, but I can't.”
“It’s a shame,” Joel starts. “I would’ve loved t’see you grow up.”
“I mean, you technically did, right?”
Joel chuckles, “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” 
The cicadas appeared to disrupt the silence in the room when you didn't know what to say to Joel. You hated breaking your best friend’s heart, but being honest was something Joel wanted other than being lied to. “Do you want a hug?” 
“I would love that,” Joel’s southern drawl appeared as you wrapped your arms around Joel, and his arms wrapped you around in a bear hug. 
Hugging Joel felt weird but right – a seemingly impossible wish you fulfilled. You begged to be able to hug Joel, have him hold you in his arms, and melt together, being safe in each other’s arms. “M’gonna miss ya when you’re gone,” Joel grumbles against your head. As you hugged Joel, questions began to swim in your mind as you squeezed his waist; it felt like you were hugging an actual human. The way his body resisted against the tight hold on him, his body felt warm against yours. 
“Okay, wait a second,” you announce, releasing yourself from Joel’s grip and standing before him.
“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, resting one hand on his knee and his forearm on the other knee. You watch at the skin around his wrist, and the watch starts to bend as if he were human.
Questions were floating in your head; you didn’t know where to start, but you took a deep breath and opened your mouth to speak. “How did this happen? How are you walking like this?” 
“I’ve always done it, just done it when everyone isn’t home.”
Perplexity rode your face as Joel’s answer made you think about more questions you wanted to spit out. “So, you’ve always been able to walk around and be so human-like?”
“Yeppers.”
“So, you heard everything?”
Joel nods.
“Everything?” 
“If you’re referring to the times I’ve heard and seen you jerk off and get fucked in here, then yes, everything,” Joel mocked. 
Heat rose to your face. Joel had seen everything, the most vulnerable parts of your body. Things that you wouldn’t admit to if your family asked about it.  “Even when–” 
“Not when you were a kid, I’gave you your privacy. Scout’s honor.”
“But, you’re not a scout but a lumberjack.” 
Joel shrugs. “You’re point?”
“My point is–” You exhale a breath as a hand slides down your face. “If ya wonderin’ of anythin’ sex-related–” Joel interjected.
One question swam around your mind in that topic Joel mentioned. “Can you fuck?” You question, crossing your arms. Joel’s chuckle sent chills picking at your “tough-guy” demeanor. That nervous feeling rose, making you worried about his answer. “If I tell you the truth, will you mind?”
Reflexically shaking your head, you waited for Joel’s answer. “Yes, doll. I can.” Without thinking, you asked Joel. “How?” Joel answered by pointing at you. “You’ve done some pretty interesting things, doll.” 
Moving your head as you eye roll at the “man” before you. “I’m scared to ask, but–”
“You’re interested if I had fucked anythin’?” 
“Honestly? Yeah.” You don’t know how to feel about Joel’s confession. On the one hand, you were intrigued by what Joel had done; on the other hand, it made you feel like you were stepping into a zone you weren’t comfortable with entering. “Wow, my old toy, fucking other toys? I’m guessing.” 
Joel chuckles. “Y’know your sister’s Barbie doll? Fucked her, Ken watched.”
A grimace appeared on your face as Joel's sudden statement made you feel like the cold rushed in from your bedroom. “Wow,” you started. “Wait, Barbie and Ken can become real, like you?” Joel nodded at your answer.
“Huh, well. You learn something new every day.” 
“Blame yourself, doll. I learned everything from you.”
Confusion rode your face, trying to act innocent like you had no reason behind Joel’s actions. “What do you mean?” You shrug.
Joel stands up, his hands draped by the stitched pockets of his jeans, his boots slowly connecting with the hardwood floors, causing you to walk backward at your leisurely pace. You and Joel were working in tandem—with each step he took, you took a step back. You felt slightly intimidated. In the back of your head, you never thought you would feel unnerved by a toy—a toy you never would’ve expected to come to life. 
That rush of cold flew through your back when you connected with the side of your closet, bringing your hands to the wall; that cold sensation connected with your hand. Joel’s looming figure had been present before you, his hand outstretched beside your head. Joel slowly moves his head toward your head; you feel his warm breath against you, causing your spine to chill — mentally blaming the wall. 
“C’mon, doll. You know exactly what I mean.” Joel’s voice made your breath hitch as you felt his mustache tickle against your neck. “I know what you want, your likes, know what you like to be called,” You feel Joel’s realistic fingers on your chin as he picks your head up to look into his eyes; you watch as he backs up from your ear. 
His soft but calloused hand was on your chin, slowly dragging his hand against the fabric of your shirt as you watched the wrinkles in your shirt flatten under the path his hand was sliding down your torso. You watched as the wrinkles disappeared, only to reaper after Joel’s hand moved from its position. Joel’s hand was slow but not too slow, like a snail’s pace, slow to the point where you felt each goosebump underneath his hand — under your shirt.
Joel’s hand had stopped on your waist, while his other hand was above your head as he leaned closer to your eyes. Bracing for the impact of Joel’s lips on yours, you close your eyes. 
The feeling of plump, soft lips against yours sent shivers traveling down your spine as you felt the grip on your waist was getting tighter — rougher. Your hands travel from the wall into Joel’s soft curls. You wanted Joel in the moment; you craved him — yearned for him. Memories of you dreaming of kissing Joel had finally come true; you didn't expect the kiss to feel so passionate, an end-of-the-world kiss — one that stopped the world from spinning.
The feeling of silk had flown through your fingers as you contorted your hands with Joel’s hair. Joel’s hands slid from your waist onto your ass — squeezing lightly, you gasped against his lips. 
Your heart skipping a beat seemed impossible, but Joel’s kisses begged to differ. Your hands slipped from Joel’s hair onto his face, and you felt his defined jawline and patchy beard; you felt soft but coarse underneath your palms, which was something you couldn’t imagine. Reminiscent of when your fingertips would travel against the painted beard, always wondering what it looked/felt like, at this moment, you can. 
Joel’s big hands leave an imprint on your ass; slowly, his hands start sliding down toward your inner thigh, bending his back closer to you so the connection of your lips doesn't break. “Jump,” Joel grumbles against your lips. You push your feet off the ground as Joel’s strength lifts you, chuckling against his lips, wrapping your legs around Joel’s waist; you feel his hands under your thighs, gripping into you with passion; you think his nails may leave crescent moons into your skin. 
Cold drywall leaves your back as Joel slowly turns you both around so your bed can face your back. With each step, your and Joel’s noses keep bumping into each other as your faces keep moving side to side from your passionate kiss. Joel’s mouth leaves yours as his lips trail down your jawline, lightly sucking. Your hands return to Joel's hair as his lips end on your neck.  
Lips on your neck, sucking, biting, Joel marking you with his lips, your moans kept escaping your lips as your fingers flowed through Joel’s hair like water. “Y’like that, baby?” Joel growled. You hiss through your teeth before answering. “Fuck, yes. I love it, Joel.”
Quickly turning his body, Joel sits on the edge of your bed. Your knees indent your mattress as you feel sitting down. His lips return to yours as Joel wraps his arms against the midsection of your back, melting your bodies together. Your hands make their way from Joel’s head onto his broad shoulders. Thinking the flannel was warming his skin, you wanted to get rid of it. 
Backing slightly away, you slip your hands down his hardened chest; you start to fumble with the first button. Quickly unbuttoning the first one, you were on your way to the next one; Joel took notice of your hands and broke the kiss to look at what you were doing. “What are ya doing, doll?”
“Trying to get this flannel off you,” You grumble, popping the second button off. 
“Lemme help.” 
Joel moves his arms from your waist onto his flannel, smiling at you as you watch him pop the buttons out the loops. You watch as your childhood crush takes off his flannel and throws it over your shoulder, chest hair littering his chest. You slowly bring your hand onto his chest—above where his heart should be — but you don't feel a bump vibrate against your hand. You remember that Joel isn't human, which somewhat shatters your heart. 
Joel notices your saddened eyes; he places his hand over yours and looks deep into your eyes, his brown eyes piercing into your soul. “J’so ya know, I may not have a heart, but my love f’you is more important than anything else in this goddamn world. You're one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”
“I don't want to live in a world where I don't see your smile every day; it's a reminder t’myself that no matter what, my love for you is the most real thing for me.”
You smirk at Joel’s confession, quickly smashing your lips against his. The tears brimming your tear ducts, trickling down from your eyes, wiping your eyes as you back up and look at Joel. “You are such a softie, you know that?”
“Only for you, sweetheart.” Joel quickly pushed his lips against yours, wrapping his arms around your midsection and moving your arms around his neck. 
Feeling Joel’s smile against your lips, you're quickly surprised when you feel Joel stand up and, in one motion, spin you both around so your back is on your mattress. You can’t help but smile gleefully as he backs up from you — sliding your shirt up and planting kisses trailing from your chest to your navel. His thick fingers grab the waistband of your pants as he slides them down. “Lift your hips, doll.” You do as Joel commands; he slides your pants off your thighs and throws them in the corner where your hamper used to reside, leaving your underwear on, your cock hard and covered by your underwear. 
“Look a’that, y’hard f’me already, doll?” You chuckle at Joel; you gasp as you feel his lips press the tip of your hard-covered cock. With each kiss brought against the tip and the shaft of your cock, it feels like heaven to you, bringing you absolute bliss against your skin. You get your foot against Joel’s shoulder as your other one hangs off the edge of the bed, arching your back in pleasure as Joel’s mouth moves down your thigh. 
Joel looks up at you and smiles as he kisses your leg. Noticing the wet spot appears on your underwear. Pre-cum slowly escaping the slit of your cock. “Let’s get these underwear off you.” You didn't need Joel to tell you to lift your hips reflectively. You lifted your pelvis, and he slid the underwear off you. Your hard throbbing cock slaps against your navel, a line of pre-cum connects with your stomach. “God, you’re s’fuckin’ perfect, baby.” 
Standing up from his position, he softly presses his lips against yours, bringing his hand into the bend of your knee, his other hand holding the side of your face. Joel’s tongue licked your bottom lip, awaiting your mouth to open. Slightly parting your lips, Joel slips his tongue into your mouth, causing you to smile at Joel’s eagerness. 
“How do you feel?” Joel questions against your lips.
“Fan-fuckin-tastic.” You answer, bearing your teeth. “How about I make you feel even fuckin’ better.” Joel’s question came out as a statement, causing you to question his meaning. Without warning, Joel backs up from your face and laps his tongue on the shaft of your cock, making a moan escape from your mouth, sliding his tongue slowly up the head of your cock, moans escaping your mouth. “F-fuck, Joel,” You breathe. 
“Y’like that, baby?” 
You breathe out an answer as Joel starts playing the slit of your cock with his tongue. “Yes.” 
“Makin’ sure that you deserve somethin’. You’re too precious to be mistreated.”
Joel must've heard all the times you would complain to your best friend about how one guy seemed great but lacked something when it came to sex. Joel was showing what you’ve been craving for a guy to reciprocate when you pleasured them, but he wasn't expecting anything back; he was just glad to pleasure his boy first. 
Wrapping his mouth slowly around the tip of your cock, Joel slowly goes down the shaft of your length, causing you to moan and white knuckle your sheets as you throw your head back — arching your back and snapping your eyes shut in pleasure. 
His pace was slow but patient. Joel wanted to make you feel something you rarely experienced — over the moon. Wrapping his hands around the shaft of your cock, his fingers would let go for a moment before wrapping.
Dragging your fingers into Joel’s curls, you slowly push his head down, hoping he could speed up. “Fuck, Joel. Can you go faster, please?”
“I can do ya one better, doll.”
As Joel’s mouth felt warm around your cock, he started to go faster as you gasped in pleasure; you felt Joel’s hand slide from your thigh as he slowly began to tease your hole. The skin of your taint felt sensitive with each stroke of Joel’s finger teasing you; each swipe, each light prodding made your body shiver in anticipation. Your cock has never been in overdrive as much as this — Joel was slowly rising you towards your peak. Your cock twitches in Joel’s mouth showing the throbbing pain that was threatening to shoot out. 
Slowly and agonizing, Joel slides his mouth off your cock, swallowing his spit; Joel wipes the reminder off his lips with the back of his hand, glances at you, and chuckles as Joel strokes your cock. “Y’close, doll?”
“Yes,” You whimper. “So fuckin’ close. It hurts so much. Can I cum yet, Joel?”
A chuckle left his throat, a sly smirk appearing on his face as he stared at you. Joel stops pumping your cock — landing on your stomach, precum leaking from the slit. “Not yet, doll. We haven't had our fun yet.”
Lifting your legs, Joel slides his head down deeper in between your thighs. He laps his tongue against your aching hole; a shaky moan escapes your lips as you hold your legs up so Joel can get better access to your hole. His hands are planted on your inner thighs as he keeps his tongue against your taint. 
Joel’s tongue felt like magic against you, showing you things you’ve never felt before — things you’ve only imagined happening. His tongue sliding up and down, in and out of your hole, made you want to cum by how much Joel was treating you. 
His plump lips planting kisses against your taint made your toes curl — the bones could pop out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs, your moans escaping from you with each movement of Joel’s lips and tongue was giving you pleasure. 
That sensation of something feeling pushed inside you came rushing in as you let go of one of your thighs, gripped the sheets below you, and threatened to rip them up. You look down at Joel, looking up at you with a smirk on his face; you notice what is being pushed inside you; Joel’s thick middle finger has taken a turn to please you. 
“Y’like that, don’t you, baby?”
“Mhmm,” You whimper, throwing your head back, closing your eyes, and biting your lip. 
“I told ya, I know what you like, basically what you’ve been yearnin’ for.” 
“But, you gotta let me know if it’s too much for you, baby. I can't read minds yet.”
“It’s it too much?” Joel questioned.
You shake your head to deny Joel’s question. “It’s just right, it’s so fuckin’ right,” You grit your teeth. 
Sliding another finger in, Joel’s pace had gone faster. You knew Joel was trying to test your limit; you never knew your limit; you were glad to try to figure it out with someone you trusted. 
“Look at that; your hole wraps around m’fingers; it keeps sucking me in no matter how hard I try to pull out.”
Sudden movements from your hips as you kept raising your hips and bringing them back down. Gritting your teeth, tiny whimpers left through your teeth. Pleasure flowed through your entire body — a new goal you never knew you could reach.
Joel would never admit this, but him being the reason whimpers were leaving your mouth, you squirming because of his fingers and mouth, he was fucking over the moon to be the first person ever to make you feel this way. 
“J-Joel?” You breathed.
“Yeah, doll?”
“Can I please suck your cock?” 
Joel was conflicted by your question; all he wanted to do was make you feel good, he wasn’t expecting anything in return, but he wanted to know what that perfect mouth of yours felt around his cock. 
Slipping his fingers outside your hole, aching for more, Joel smirks at you and opens his mouth to speak. “Yes, you can, doll.” As you sit up, you notice the length that resided in his jeans; your eyes almost pop from their sockets from what you have just seen. You’d never seen anything that big in porn, yes, but never in real life. 
Noticing your astonishment, Joel looked at his jeans and then back up at you. “Is this size good enough, sweetheart?” You nod your head. Sliding your back against the mattress, you slid so your knees hit the wood below you. Watching the eagerness flood Joel’s eyes made you feel that excitement swimming in your stomach. The button of his jeans popped above you, and hearing the zipper going down, you watched as Joel’s cock popped out from its restraints.
Joel’s throbbing cock bounced in front of you, precum leaking from the slit of Joel’s cock. In your eyes, Joel’s cock looked more realistic than plastic. You wouldn’t lie; you were a curious kid; you had removed Joel’s clothes before and only noticed a blob on where his dick was now. The veins traveled up the shaft of his cock, stopping at the mushroom tip of his cock. The happy trail from Joel’s tummy showed up his pubic hair that rested above the shaft of his cock. Your mouth went dry in anticipation. It was the first you had seen a dick this big and thick before and so close to your face. 
“You alright, doll?”
Shooting your eyes up at Joel, you can tell a bit of worry on his face. “Yeah, I-I’m fine. Just never seen a dick this big before,” You admitted. Bending down so his face is in front of you, softly placing his hand against your cheek in reassurance. “We can take it slow if you want to.” You nodded at Joel’s words as he planted his lips against your forehead and stood straight. Dragging Joel’s jeans down as your knuckles brushed up against the hair on Joel’s thighs, gravity stopping Joel’s jeans when they stop at his ankles, your hand wraps the shaft of his cock. You slowly wrap your lips around the tip of Joel’s cock, and you hear him exhale in pleasure. 
Slowly pushing your head down the shaft of Joel’s cock, lips wrapped tight, you feel the veins trace the skin of your lips as the head of Joel’s cock press into the back of your throat. A groan of pleasure escapes Joel’s lips as you back your head up. You push your head forward and back leisurely, and you can tell the pace makes Joel go crazy. His member in your mouth kept throbbing against the roof of your mouth. Suddenly, your pace went a little faster; you looked up and noticed Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, his hands were in tight fists, his knuckles threatening to pop out from his hand. The taste of salt fell upon your tongue as you backed your head up from Joel’s cock. A line of spit mixed with precum connecting from your mouth to the tip of Joel’s cock was made apparent, eventually dropping onto the ground below you as you wrapped your hand around Joel’s cock and started pumping his shaft.
The moans escaping Joel’s lips were music to your ears as your moans were to Joel. “Fuck, baby. Y’so good at that. Those boys are so fuckin’ stupid.” His southern drawl causes summersaults in your stomach. Sliding your mouth back onto Joel’s cock, a deep moan escapes his lips as your lips were at a quick pace, your hands planted on Joel’s thighs, the hair on his thighs pressed up against your hand as the tip of Joel’s cock kept hitting the back of your throat.
Moans, grunts, whines, and whimpers were all escaping from Joel’s lips, his hands holding onto your head as his hips humped into your head, his cock pressing deeper – causing you to gag a couple of times. Your nose kept poking into where Joel’s pubic hair rested; the scent was intoxicating, causing your cock to leak with precum below you. 
Suddenly, Joel held your head – your throat grasping around his cock, causing you to gag more. Slobber escaping your mouth as with each inhale through your nose – resting on Joel’s hairy patch made it impossible to exhale without gagging. Your palms were getting sweaty against Joel’s meaty thighs, the hair on his legs feeling nonexistent against your slippery hands.
His hands slide your head back, and lines of spit connect from his cock to your top and bottom lips. Deep inhales and exhales leave your body as you watch Joel slightly shudder. His cock glistened in your spit, throbbing. Sweat littered Joel’s hairy chest and forehead; you swallowed the spit in the back of your throat from your excessive breathing. Your forehead felt heavy with sweat as you looked up at Joel; he slid his hand up his forehead, pushing the curls that had stuck to his forehead. “Fuck, sorry, baby. Y’mouth is so fuckin’ addictin’.” 
“Don’t think I’m finished with you yet, Joel,” You spoke, disregarding his apology. Quickly eager to show Joel what you meant, you pick up his cock and slide your tongue on the underside of Joel’s shaft. Lapping your tongue against his veins, you could hear Joel praise you from above. “So fuckin’ perfect, who wouldn’t want to treat you right?”
Bringing your tongue slowly down to make Joel squirm, you feel his body Joel a little bit as you are still holding his cock in your hand; you place your mouth around his ball sack and lightly suck on one of them. “OH, FUCK!” Joel groaned. Joel’s body felt like jelly – incapable of holding himself up; Joel hadn’t felt this level of pleasure before, from anything he’s ever fucked before. “You like that, baby?” You asked. “Yes,” Joel gritted his teeth. “God, I love it s’much.” Backing your mouth up, you stroke Joel’s cock and watch Joel hold his head back and moans escaping his lips. Bending down, Joel places his hands between the fold of your armpits and picks you up from your knees. 
Planting his lips against yours, the kiss you shared between the two of you felt hungry, Lips mashing against each other, teeth clashing against each other. Joel’s arms holding you tightly against his torso. Joel was fucking starving for you as his lips were latching against your cheeks, jawline, against the skin of your neck. That feeling of Joel’s teeth against your neck made you know Joel was marking you as his. Your nails drag against Joel’s soft curls as you enjoy Joel’s mouth, bringing his head up back against your lips. Sweat from Joel’s chest was seeping through your shirt. You wanted to take it off to feel Joel’s skin against yours. Backing your head away from Joel’s, his head following suit as he watches you attempt to take your shirt off.
Holding the hem of your shirt, Joel helps you slide your shirt off your head, wrapping your arms around Joel’s neck, him wrapping his arms against your lower back. The warmth of each other’s bodies radiated against each other. Your cocks rubbed against each other; the warmth you both shared was hot enough to blow the roof off your bedroom. This experience felt surreal, like a dream you didn’t want to wake up from. 
Backing his head away from your lips, you notice a look of dominance in Joel’s eyes, which darken as he opens his mouth to speak. “Get on that bed, so I can fuck you the way you, a good boy like you should be fucked.”
“But, what if I’ve been a bad boy?” You tease. 
Leaning his head toward your ear. “Then I’ll have to punish you.”
“Get on that fuckin’ bed,” Joel commanded. You listened to Joel, letting your arms go from around his neck, your knees bent on the bed, as you pushed yourself to land your head where your pillow rested, your back collided with the soft cloud-like material. You watched Joel climb on the bed, stopping as he was positioned right between your legs. “Put your leg on my shoulder.”
Compiling to what Joel commanded, your ankle rested on Joel’s broad shoulder. A line of spit leaves Joel’s mouth and connects to the tip of his cock, rubbing the spit to lube up his cock. Slowly leaning over you, one next to your head, fingers spread apart. Joel moves his hand from the tip to his shaft as he starts to tease you – making you shudder in anticipation. 
Moving his cock to poke your hole makes you yearn for him every slight push into you. Hisses escaped your gritted teeth as you craved to feel good. “Joel, can you please fuck me?”
“Nuh uh, bad boys don’t get to beg,” Joel grinned.
Joel had let go of his length and placed his other hand next to the other side of your head. His hips were grinding into you, making you gasp and make your spine chill. Joel’s cock kept rubbing up against your sensitive tip, making you physically shudder and making your cock feel like it was about to burst. “I can tell how much you love this. M’cock grinding up against yours before I get you pregnant.” Your breath hitched as Joel’s voice made you want him more – you’ve never wanted anyone this bad before. 
“Joel, please. I need you.”
“How bad do you need me, sweetheart?” Joel growled into your ear. 
“So fuckin’ much, it's unbearable.”
“Well then, are you going to be my good boy?’
Nodding your head, you shut your eyes and licked your lips in anticipation. You notice that your ankle comes off Joel’s shoulder and collides with the mattress. You feel his lips press against yours briefly as you open your eyes and see Joel’s brown orbs looking into yours before he opens his mouth to speak. “Well, I can’t keep my good boy waitin’.” Looking in between your bodies, Joel adjusts his cock; you feel it press into you for a split second. He looks back up to you, “You ready, sweetheart?”
“Yeah, I am,” You answer. 
Joel slowly pushes in, and you feel the tip agonizingly stretch you out. Your moans rattle the walls next to you both. “Does it hurt, baby?” You shake your head, denying Joel’s question. His shaft is halfway in before he pulls out fast. You gasp before breathing heavily. “Damn, baby. Y’so fuckin’ tight,” Joel commented. Once again, Joel slides his cock into you, making your moans more intense than before. Halfway in, Joel rocks his hips back and forth slowly into you. Your eyes snapped shut intensely, straining your eyelids. The pain was starting to feel good, too good.
“Is this okay, baby?”
Opening your eyes, you notice the concern in Joel’s eyes. He looked so sweet, caring, and compassionate; you’ve always seen him like that growing up. “Yes, Joel. It’s okay,” You smile. Leaning down to kiss you, Joel’s hips still rocking into your hole, moans exiting your mouth and entering Joel’s. Feeling Joel slowly stretch you out felt indescribable; it felt good, but you did want Joel to go faster. “Joel,” You moan against Joel’s mouth. “Yes, baby?” 
Joel backs up to hear you properly. Before you could get a word out to Joel, one push further in, and you feel the base of Joel’s cock clap into you, which echoes throughout the room. Joel realizes what this means; a sly grin appears on Joel’s lips. “Hold that thought, doll,” Joel commanded.
His pace was faster and rougher. Claps rang throughout the room with each thrust, like an audience applauding at the end of a play. Your hands gripped the sheets or ran your hand down Joel’s back while Joel had his hand on the headboard. It felt like Joel had read your mind at that moment, knowing that you wanted more and that he would give it to you. “I can tell y’wanted this before you even said it, baby. Could hear ya screamin’ at me to fuck you harder.’
“Y’wanted this, didn’t ya?” Joel grunted. 
“God, yes, Joel. I’ve wanted something like this for so long, begging for it. This feels fucking amazing.”
“I’can say the same about this boy pussy of yours, grippin’ onto me so tight, it doesn’t want to let go, and I don’t think I want it to.” You bring your hands up to Joel’s back and dig your nails into his sleek skin; an exhale leaves Joel’s mouth as the pain settles in, but it subsides. 
“Mark me, baby. Make me yours.” 
Your nails drag down Joel’s back until you reach the small of Joel’s back. Joel bows his head, grabs your chin, and smashes his lips against yours, but his thrusts stop. You don’t feel anything warm inside you, so you know he didn’t cum. Wrapping your arms around his neck, Joel lifts you for a second so you can get up from the sheets below you. Noticing Joel starts to lay himself down, you quickly move your hands on the mattress to keep yourself from crashing into Joel. You still feel Joel’s cock inside you as his hips start to lift up and down. 
That time when you complained about only being in one position with a guy, Joel did hear you and was giving you something you wanted. 
“Sorry for the sudden stop, wanted to fuck you more.”
Backing your head up, you watched as Joel bore his teeth and started to fuck you senselessly. Wrapping his arms tight around your lower back. Your nails dug into the soft material under your sweaty palms; you could feel the fibers begin to tear a bit. “You like this, don’t ya, baby? Being fucked like the sluts I’ve seen you watch on your phone.”
“Craving to be them, wanting someone to fuck you till you can’t feel your legs no more, huh?”
“Yes.” You whined. 
“Wantin’ someone as strong and big as those guys you watch to be able to fill your sweet, tight, boy pussy with hot cum.”
Nodding your head. “Mhmm.”
“Well, I’m here. I’m gonna satisfy your needs, your aches, your cravings for you to be filled with cum. If anyone else tries. I’ll gladly show them who can treat you better and fuck you in front of them, understood, baby.”
“Mhmm.” 
Joel’s hand connects with your ass, a hard smack against it; a cry leaves your mouth. “I need a fuckin’ yes, boy.”
“Yes, Joel, yes.” You whined.
You felt something move from inside you. You see, Joel looks to wear your cock, but he’s looking in between you both. “You feel my cock twitchin’ inside you, doll? You want me to cum inside you?”  “Yes,” You quickly answer and nod. “You’re leakin’ all over my stomach, baby; you wanna cum too?” 
You whimper out an answer. “Then, I better give my boy what he wants.”
Joel slides his cock out of you and lays you on your stomach as he comes up from behind you and slowly teases you. You feel his cock glide between the bends of your ass cheeks, feelings his balls press into them. “Damn, your ass is achin’ f’me right now. I will give you what you deserve, boy.” 
That feeling of being stretched out came back as you rested your forehead on the bed. Joel’s hands dug into your skin; each push of his length made your moans push out of you more. It was like your body was in heat — Joel’s heat. He was an animal in heat when it came to you. Nodding your head, you felt Joel’s hand on your throat and his lips against your ear — his mustache tickling it. “I’m so –thrust–  close to – cummin’ inside this tight ass of yours, baby. Do you want my cum to swim inside you?”
“Yes, Joel. I fuckin’ do.” 
“Then let me give you what you deserve.” Backing his head up, Joel dug into your skin like he was kneading dough; his thrusts were rough, almost splitting you in half. You could feel his cock throb inside you as you felt your shaft pulsating. You knew you were about to cum. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of you, baby. I don’t wanna stop after I cum in you.” “Joel, I’m so close. Keep going.”
“Fuck,” Joel growled. “I love it when you beg like that.”
His pace was going faster, and it felt the tip of your cock felt like it was going to explode with your cum. “Fuck, Joel. I’m gonna cum.” 
“Fuck, baby. Me too.’
“Here it comes,” Joel gritted his teeth. 
With one final push, you feel your cum shoot out onto the sheets below you, and you also feel Joel’s cum swim inside you. Light breaths are escaping both of you as you feel Joel slide his cock out of you; a squelching sound is heard as Joel’s cock finally dislodges from your hole. A sigh of relief exits Joel’s mouth as he connects his back to the bed. Turning your neck, you see Joel — soft cock against his stomach as you see his chest dip and rise from the breaths he’s taking.
Picking yourself up from your position, you lay down next to Joel, your head resting on his sweaty, hairy chest. Joel’s arm wraps around you as he pulls you closer to him. 
“So, was that everything you’ve ever wanted?” Joel questioned. 
Nodding your head against his chest. “Yeah, and better than what I could imagine.”
Joel chuckles at your statement, and you join him. Once the laughter dies down, a realization hits him like a bag of bricks. “Y’know, for a moment, I forgot that you’re running off to college without me. Followin’ those dreams and gettin’ your degree.”
“Joel,” You start.
“Havin’ a life, a career, findin’ someone who will love you as much as I do.”
“Joel,” You repeat. 
“Havin’ kids of your own, playin’ with their own action figures or dolls, and I’ll be at the bottom of some —”
“JOEL.” 
Joel jumped at your sudden outburst; he was looking at you instead of the ceiling. He saw you staring at him; he felt frightened but safe simultaneously. You suddenly straddle his lap, his hands on your waist, molding his hands onto you. “You’re coming with me to college.” 
“W-what?” Joel smiled. “When did you come to that decision?” 
“When you gave the most beautiful profession of love when I was on your lap, it made me realize something.” Joel awaited your realization, but he couldn’t lie; you sitting naked on his lap like that, faces inches away from each other, he was starting to get horny again. “I know you can never be real, but that’s okay; it sucks that we won’t grow old together, but you’ll always be there for me, and if I do meet someone, you’ll always be the first person I’ve ever loved, Joel.”
A smile appeared on Joel’s face; you couldn’t tell if sweat or a tear was falling from Joel’s eye when he quickly rolled you on your back and was inches away from you. His smell was intoxicating; the sweat mixed with lust made your cock twitch like crazy. “You’re such a softie, y’know that?” Joel quoted. 
“Only for you, sweetheart,” You quoted. 
“Now, how do you feel about one more round?” Joel questioned. 
“Well, everyone will be out for a while.”
“Should I take my time?”
“Joel, fuckin’ show me a good time.” 
“Okay, my good boy, lemme show you a good time,” Joel states, kissing your lips. Feeling the love from Joel’s kisses, you realize you didn’t need anyone to love you as much as Joel did, and you were fine with that. You didn’t care that he wasn’t real; he felt he was real to you, and that’s all you need.
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18 Seasons
A Joel Miller baseball player AU.
Pairing: Baseball player Joel Miller x Female Reader Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Summary: Joel Miller has only ever known playing baseball for his hometown team, and they’ve just announced they’re not resigning him. He heads to a fancy hotel bar to drink alone and wallow. He doesn’t except to find you, the team owner’s daughter, there.  Warnings: smut, baseball talk, drinking, banter (reader has a smart mouth and Joel’s got that asshole voice), unprotected p in v (but a discussion on testing and reader has an IUD), F receiving oral, Joel’s 42, reader’s in her late 30’s.  Words: 4,900 Playlist A/N: Happy 2024 Baseball Season! I’ve always thought Joel Miller would make a good baseball player, though I’m not sure if I just want to see him in tight baseball pants and that’s why I think that. 🤔 Anyways, this might be a bit of an adventure in me coping with the fact that my current favorite ballplayer is over 40 and only signed a minor league contract to play this season. Also, shout out to said favorite baseball player’s arm for being part of the cover of this, feels very Joel Miller to me. Hope you enjoy! Drop a line and tell me what team/player you’re rooting for this season! 
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"The Austin Capitals thank first baseman Joel Miller for his time and dedication to the team for the past 18 seasons. Miller is a six time All-Star, two time batting champion, and two time Gold Glove winner. He signed with his hometown team in the second round of the draft twenty three years ago and has been a great contribution both on and off the field. The organization will not be able to provide Miller with the proper playing time, with the current roster and plans for the upcoming season. We thank him for his years of service and he will forever be a part of the Capitals family."
Joel knew it was coming, it was inevitable. He had been warned of it multiple times, his agent straight and to the point about his chances, his brother and Maria more analytical and sympathetic, and his sweet Sarah so chipper and hopeful for him. 
For twenty three years he’s only known the Capitals. The only thing he’s ever been good at, baseball… he’s never been so good at anything else really, save maybe for wood working or fishing, but those were hobbies. Baseball was his job, he knows he’s a lucky son of a bitch who got to do this full time, and now it’s all over, he’s unemployed.
Joel needs a drink. The stronger, the better. 
DING. DING.
DING. DING. DING.
DING. DING.
He also needs to turn off his phone.
“What can I get you?”
“Gin martini, dirty please.”
“Should I charge it to your room?”
“Ye–“
“No, you can put it on my tab." You turn towards the deep voice, you’re used to the southern accent, you grew up around it, but this timber is different and yet so familiar. 
“Joel?” What the hell?
He lifts his glass towards you, his dark brown eyes shining at you from across the bar.
You haven’t seen him in quite a few years, ever since you got the hell out of Texas, moving to New York and betraying your home state for packed subway cars and better politics. 
He stands and walks towards you, he looks just as good as you remembered. Broad, strong, and too damn handsome to be alone on what you know might be the worst night of his life.
“Figured you wouldn’t waste your time on any of that fruity drink stuff,” he nods towards your drink as it’s placed in front of you.
“Too much sugar gives me a headache.” 
“Mm,” Joel gulps down the rest of his drink and signals the bartender for another. 
“…How are you holding up? I’m really sor—“
“M’fine. Was expected.” 
He doesn’t want to talk about it. Understood. 
Joel Miller was never one for talking, or the media. He’d give them a nod and a quick answer before moving on to the next nuisance. Talking was never his job, you know this. Your dad would sometimes complain about how his star player couldn’t play nice with the reporters. You always admired Joel’s candidness, it’s one of the things that you found most attractive about him. He was always honest, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing depended on how high the team was in the standings. You’re going to miss him on your team, but you can’t let him know that.
“So, why exactly are you back here in Texas?”
“It’s my Mom’s birthday, she’s tired of visiting me in New York, was guilted back here as part of her present.” 
“Mm. New York, hate playing in New York.”
“Likely thing to hear you say. Guess I should ask you what you’re doing in a fancy hotel bar in the city you live in?”
“S’quiet here, it’s the fanciest hotel ‘round here, nobody who stays here cares about baseball. Not a lot of people recognize me without the hat on.”
“Ouch. I care about baseball.” 
“Yeah, and you don’t belong in a place like this,” Joel pivots to look at you, his arm resting on the bar top.
“Where do I belong, Joel?” You angle your body to look at him and swallow down the last bit of your drink.
“Some place cozier, not as cold and… corporate as this place. Some place… hip.”
Your head tips back in laughter. “Hip?! I have a phone case with ducks on it, I cried at the same part I always cry at during Paddington 2 last night. I’m far from hip, what a funny word.”
“Dunno, always got the idea you’re cooler than me.”
“Okay pro baseball player.”
“Not so pro now,” Joel scours.
“Hey, sorry,” you place your hand on his forearm, a perfunctory touch. You had zero decision on the matter, and yet you feel so much guilt over it. You know what this game meant to him and you know he made it known he wanted to return. 
“S’alright. Just weird to know I’m done for.” He looks down and focuses on his hand rubbing back and forth on the rim of the glass. A nervous tell. Your hand remains on his arm, Joel makes no attempt to move away.
“You’re not done for, I’m sure another team would like you.”
“Don’t want another team. My daughter grew up here. Hell, I grew up here. My brother’s here. Sarah just started college here. I couldn’t move away.”
His daughter. The big story of Joel’s first year was how the star rookie, was also a father to a newborn baby girl. Juggling a .300 average and fatherhood.
“Wow, she’s in college, huh? I remember seeing her at the stadium all of the time, reminded me of how I grew up there too.”
“Time flies,” a wistful smile on his face as Joel signals the bartender for another round of drinks for the two of you. 
Goodness he’s gorgeous. You’ve always found him attractive, ever since he was signed right out of high school. All tall, golden skinned and muscular, now his form is a little more filled out, his muscles less defined but still fully there. His arms and thighs thicker now, a small gut protruding, but still solid and muscular. His speed to round the bases is a lot slower these days but his power and batting eye are stronger from years of playing. He was a school girl crush for you, a stadium give away bobble head of his still sits in your office under the ruse that he was your team’s biggest player. Now you don’t know what to call it, you’re long past school girl crushes. All you know is now, over twenty years later, he’s still one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. Time sure does fly.
“Are you staying here tonight?” You cut the silence between the two of you, both of you facing the bar and quietly sipping your drinks. Joel’s eyes looking a little heavier, the alcohol taking its effect on him. You feel good, a lot lighter, but happy to sit and allow Joel to ponder.
“Planned on it. Booked a room. Figured I’d get drunk and go pass out, take care of everything I have to tomorrow. Just don’t want to deal with it tonight.” 
“I understand that, just didn’t know if you needed car service home, I could have ordered you one.”
“Dad’s money, right?” Joel bites out condescendingly. 
“Or, my money, you asshole,” you bark back. You know he’s pissed off at the world but there’s no need for his tone to be so mean towards you. 
“Sorry, still kinda pissed off at your family.”
“My family? You mean my dad? I had nothing to do with it, my mother had nothing to do with it. You can be pissed off at him, but you’re also not getting any younger and believe it or not our farm system and minors are stacked with talent waiting to play.” You try to calm your voice as you gulp a drink down from your newly made martini. You don’t want to be pissed off and drunk but goodness the cold gin cools your heated body. “You’re old Joel, and you know it.”
“Of course I know it sweetheart, but I know I’m still better than most of those kids.” 
“Yeah, well, stop getting injured and batting .220 and prove it.”
“Damn, you got a smart mouth,” Joel leers at you.
“Not to mention all the time and effort spent on keeping your body in playing shape. I’m sorry, you’re ancient in sports standards.”
“Real fuckin’ smart mouth, huh?” Joel leans in and whispers, “I like it.”
You fight the urge to moan, to give an audible to the feeling that’s now coursing through your body from those three words snarled into your ear. 
You feel the same feelings you felt those few years ago, while out with the team celebrating their playoff series win. Drinks flowing, cigars puffing plumes of smoke into the air, conversations shouted above music, bodies sweating and glowing different hues under the lights on the dance floor. The Capitals were heading to the World Series for the first time in twenty years, thanks to Joel Miller’s walk-off home run. Teary hugs shared with your family and friends as you watched him round the bases, it may have been the happiest you’d ever seen your dad. Hell, it may have been the happiest you’d ever been. You didn’t think the night could get any better, until Joel backed you into a corner of the club and stuck his tongue in your mouth and his hand up your dress. You don’t know if you’ve still forgiven him for pulling his fingers out of you and wiping the wet of your orgasm on his jeans before slurring out, “Fuck, I shouldn’t have done that,” as he backed away and left, leaving you all weak kneed and blissed out panting for air. 
You did agree though, he really shouldn’t have, the scandal that could’ve been brought on if the owner’s daughter was spotted in that position with the team’s star baseball player. He’s one of the reasons why you moved away, he was off limits and it drove you crazy. You casually dated, you slept with strangers, you spent three years with your ex who you thought you’d settle for and marry, but that night never escaped you. Sometimes you’d reach your hand between your legs and touch yourself while you remembered the look in his eyes as he nodded his head to signal you to follow him into that desolate space. Like he always wanted you as much as you always wanted him and he was seizing the opportunity. 
“I’m just letting you know what we’re all seeing. Trust me, I don’t want to see you in any other colors than the Capitals color. Red suits you.” If you’re being honest, you really prefer him in the olive green button up shirt he’s wearing tonight. The top few buttons of it unbuttoned to relieve the stretched seams around his large shoulders giving you a peek of the gold chain he always wears resting against the bronzed skin of his neck and chest.
“Mm, whatever the color you want to call this is,” Joel grabs the shoulder of your shirt and rubs the fabric between his fingers, “suits you.”
“I call it aquamarine, most would just call it light blue.” 
“S’pretty, s’soft.” You wonder if he can see how rapid your heart is beating or the swallow of air you gulp down as his eyes linger on your chest and neck. “Fits real well.”
“Thanks, bought it at one those real fancy stores they have in New York,” you lift your shoulder causing Joel to pull his hand back. 
“Do the boys in New York like you in this color?” Joel’s words drip with the sarcastic tone he’s famous for. 
“Worked a couple of weeks ago with a guy. HUGE New York fan,” you emphasize huge, two can play that game. “Like, big, real big.” 
“Mm,” Joel’s nostrils flare. “He your last? This… New York fan?” 
“Yep,” you smile through your glass taking a drink and licking your lips.
“Mm,” Joel’s eyes don’t leave your mouth. “And why’s that?”
“Been busy, haven’t found anybody that’s piqued my interest, I guess.” 
“And what was so special about him?” 
“Not sure,” you shrug, “he was good looking and paid for my martinis. I wanted him, he wanted me, the classic hook up.” 
“Talk to him since?”
“Here and there, he seems nice enough." “Mm,” Joel licks his lips as he leans forward placing his arm on the back of your chair and turning it to swivel towards him, his other arm rests on the bar, caging you in between. “You want nice?” You can feel the heat radiating off his body, see the freckles on his skin from years of playing ball in the sun, smell the whiskey on his breath mixed with the soap on his skin. You’re so close you can almost count the gray hairs just beginning to tint his dark hair lighter. You want him.
“Not really. Plus, he was younger than me, I’m pretty sure I like older men.” You challenge him. You can compete with the best of them, and Joel’s one of the best, he’s made millions of dollars over the years just from being competitive. 
“Mm,” Joel moves the hand from the back of your chair to your shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth, his touch igniting your core. 
“How long has it been for… you?” Your words come out a little too nervous than you’d like them to be. 
“Few months, not sure. Don’t like that type of distraction during the season.” 
“A celibate?”
“No, not that, just don’t have the time with deal with all that, between Sarah’s senior year ‘n me having to focus more on my regimen, ya’ know since I’m ancient.” 
“Mm,” you copy Joel’s sound. He smirks. 
“Never been my scene to meet someone, fuck them, and leave the next morning.” Your body tenses at his words. “I prefer to know someone before I touch ‘em. Too many people out there just want to say they slept with a ballplayer and move on. Not for me.”
The hushed tone of Joel’s voice and his proximity to you begins to take its toll on you, you feel so hot and quite flustered. “I understand that.”
“You ever been with a ballplayer? Ya’ know since you’re involved in the business.”
“I haven’t… just what we did in that club after the playoff win,” you blink at him, willing him to tell you he wants more.
“You want to do more than just that with a ballplayer?” Joel’s accent dropping an octave as he whispers the question out. 
“I do,” you just as quietly confess. 
“You want to do more than just that with me?” he leans in closer.
“I do.”
“Alright sweetheart, your room or mine?”
“I have the suite, so mine.” 
“Should’ve charged the drinks to your room then.” Joel turns and gets the bartender’s attention.
It’s becoming real. You calm your nerves as Joel signs the check and moves off the stool, you following him through the bar and lobby before reaching the elevator.
All you expected to do tonight was have a couple of drinks while reading a book in a quiet corner of the bar before ordering room service and watching whatever movie you can find on hotel TV. You’re now headed up to your room with Joel Miller.
The elevator doors ding open, empty with nobody following behind you. It’s just you and him in the mirrored oasis of the lift. You go in first and stand with your back against the wall.
“What number?”
“The P at the top, I have to scan my card,” you lift your key out of your pocket and hand it to him. 
“Of course. You got the suite.” 
“I did, wanted to treat myself on my return home.”
“Mm,” Joel scans the card and tucks it in the back pocket of his jeans. The doors close and your stomach anxiously drops as the lift speeds upward.
The vision of Joel surrounds you, his reflection repeated in every panel, you could stay right in this small room forever, seeing every angle of his handsome face. Aquiline nose, creased eyebrows, dimple tucked between a dark mustache and beard, plush lips, deep brown eyes, wavy hair.
“You’re staring.” You’re shocked out of your concentration by Joel’s whisper. “This whole elevator’s mirrors, I can see you as much as you see me.”
A blush creeps across your face. 
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Joel turns around and steps towards you, standing in front of you. “You look beautiful.” His hand rests against your cheek, his head angles down, his lips resting right in front of yours. “It’s hard to look away from you.” 
You close the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his. It’s a soft kiss, both of your tongues gently licking into each other’s mouths. You’re both savoring the first taste of each other in years, it feels like he also would think about your last kiss as much as you did. Joel pulls away first, turning his head to look in the mirror, you follow his gaze. His hand on your cheek, your hand resting on his bicep, far too big for you to be able to wrap your hand around it. This reality you’re in right now feels like something out of one of your wildest dreams. The alarm goes off, the elevator dinging your arrival to your floor. Joel turns away and you follow behind him as he unlocks your room door.
“Nice room, pretty big for just you, don’t you think?”
“It is. Maybe I figured I’d be sharing it with someone else. Maybe someone older who needed more space to get around on account of his old knees and hurt shoulder.”
“That mouth is going to get you in trouble one day, sweetheart.”
“I welcome it,” you look up at him as you bend over to untie your shoes. 
“Where’s the bedroom?” Again, you like Joel’s bluntness. You appreciate how he doesn’t mince words, he knows what he wants and he tells you what he thinks. 
You point, he nods, and turns towards it as he begins to unbutton his shirt. 
“What? You got somewhere to go?” You shout still standing in the middle of the living room. 
“No,” Joel peeks his head out of the doorframe, shirt half open, his hands paused on a button. “I just really want to see you naked on your bed.” 
Your knees feel weak, your pussy clenches, you body breaks out in goosebumps. You love his mouth and the way he always sounds like an asshole, even if he’s telling you he wants to see you naked. 
You hurry to the bedroom, taking your shirt off and tossing it behind you. 
Joel stands with his shirt unbuttoned next to the bedside table, the only light source of the room is the lamp he’s turned on next to him. His skin might be your favorite color, sun bronzed with a patina of dark freckles across his chest and neck. His body standing in front of the dark wood paneled wall glowing in the aureate glow of the lamp takes your breath away. Maybe you should come home more often.
“Take your pants off,” Joel turns to you, his eyes lighting when he sees you without your shirt. 
He sheds his shirt before unbuckling his belt and removing his jeans. Your own clothing removal pauses as you stare at the trail from his belly to the black boxer briefs bulging with his erection. This man could never survive without spandex, his thick thighs strain the tight fabric.  “Like I said, take your pants off darlin’,” he chuckles. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him chuckle. 
“Oh, sorry, yes,” stammers out as you remove your jeans. 
You can’t help but not look away from him. You’ll never get over just how handsome and large he is. Other men with his features on their bodies would look ridiculous but Joel is perfectly put together. You can’t get over the fact that he wants you as much as you want him. 
“How’d you know navy blue was my favorite color?” Joel asks as he stares at your panties. You wonder if he can see how soaked they are. 
“Didn’t. Lucky you.” You’re not sure who’s luckier at this point, maybe you’re both ready to share each other’s luck. 
“Very. Get on the bed for me.”
You lay down on the soft sheets, the bed and cover are so plush you sink into it. Your hands by your sides pet the silky sheet and your legs rub against the fabric, it feels so divine and smooth.
“God, you look good like that,” Joel reaches down to palm himself through his briefs. “Might be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Your body lights on fire at his praise, your pulse quickening, your almost naked body feeling overheated. “Spread your legs for me.” 
You follow his instruction, bending your knees and spreading. Joel climbs on the bed to kneel in between, his palms rest atop of your knees, you can feel the calluses on his hands from years of gloves and bats on your smooth skin. 
He runs his hands down your legs before stopping right at the edge of your panties. You moan as he takes a hand and runs it back and forth along your drenched panties. “This all for me?” His cocky smile making his dimple even more apparent. 
“Yes, fuck… yes,” you struggle out. You’re so turned on right now, aching all over. Joel’s barely even touched you and you feel like he’s already devastated your whole body. You’ve never felt this way with anybody else before. 
“Want to see all of you, take your bra off ’n I’ll take these off,” Joel says as he cups your cloth covered pussy. 
You lean up to unsnap your bra, quickly getting naked as Joel takes off your panties. He sits back on his heels, his eyes mapping your body. “Jesus baby, you’re so fucking pretty ’n soft looking.”
His voice, his accent, his praise, it causes a whimper out of you. 
“I know baby,” Joel leans down, his hands grab your ass cheeks and pulls your whole body towards him, easily lifting your ass up. Your pussy rests now right in front of his face, you can feel the heat of his breath against your sensitive folds. He’s supporting your whole lower half in his hands until you lift your legs to rest atop his wide shoulders. He licks a long stripe up from your opening to your clit and back again. 
“Taste so fucking good, so fucking sweet, knew you’d be this good. Can’t believe I didn’t taste you before.” Joel’s words of devotion are spoken straight to your cunt. 
He devours your pussy like it’s never been ate before, fucking into you with his tongue, sucking on your clit, rubbing the bristle of his thin beard against your sensitive folds. Your thighs and legs beginning to shake against Joel as your whole body burns with pleasure. His hands are gripping your ass so tight, his strength and support the only reason why your whole body hasn’t collapsed as your orgasm quickly ripples through you.
Joel moans against you as you spill into him. He doesn’t come up for air as your hips writhe against him. He flicks his tongue against your pulsing clit, a scream escaping your mouth as he begins to press his tongue down on your too sensitive bundle of nerves. 
“Holy fuck,” you struggle out. “Fuck. Joel, Joel. Fuck.” 
“Mm,” Joel lifts his head up out of in between your legs, your wet glistening on the lower half of his face, his eyes resting under his furrowed brows staring right at you. You unwrap your legs from around his head as Joel gently helps your legs drop to the bed. 
Joel rubs your legs and thighs as he stares down at you longingly. His actions are so sweet, actions you never thought you’d see. You don’t think a lot of people get to see this side of him, his features relaxed, mouth slacked open a bit, eyes softened, this isn’t competitive Joel, this is bedroom Joel.
“Let me fuck you baby, don’t think I’m going to last long, wanted to prove to you I can fuck you all night but I’ve waited a long time for this.” 
Your core clenches at his words, you wanted to challenge him tonight too, but you can’t fathom the idea of waiting any longer for Joel’s cock inside you. He gets up off the bed, removing his briefs, his cock springing free. Fuck, he’s big and beautiful, the perfect size and shape to match his broad and athletic body. 
Joel climbs back on the bed, his body resting in between your spread legs again, this time he leans forward, putting his weight on his two arms as he looms above you. You feel his cock resting against your wet cunt. 
“You got a condom or should I have grabbed mine from my wallet?”
“No— can I ask you something?”
“Now?” Joel huffs. "I guess."
“Yes, yeah,” you gather your nerves before you confess. “I want to feel you, all of you. I have an IUD and I always use protection with… others, I just, I want to feel your cum inside of me.” 
Joel's jaw drops at the shock of your blunt words. “Fuck, yes. Of course. Jesus Christ.” His dick twitches against you as he answers. “I’m tested and clean.”
“I’m clean too.”
“Fuck baby, I’m so glad you asked.” Joel plants a kiss to the top of your head as he pushes himself into you. 
“Holy fuck,” you rasp out at the feel of Joel’s cock stretching you. He’s slow to enter, mindful of how tight your cunt is squeezing around him. It stings so good, you’ve never been this stretched before. 
You shut your eyes and focus on taking his length, anchoring yourself in this moment. 
“I can feel you clutching me, fuck you feel so good,” you open your eyes at Joel’s words. The glimmer of Joel’s gold chain catches your eye as he moves inside you. You’re mesmerized by how it moves between the two of you, the pendant swinging back and forth like a metronome of Joel’s cock entering and exiting you. “Look at me baby.”
You move your gaze from Joel’s necklace to his eyes, all big and brown and blown out with lust. He begins to increase his pace, your whole core beginning to build another orgasm. Joel cranes his neck down to kiss you, the way his mouth languidly moves against your mouth contrasts the brutal speed of the way he’s now fucking you. You move your hands up to cradle his head, gripping his messy curled hair, left longer during the offseason.
Years and years of pining over Joel culminating in this one night, a surprise encounter at the bar turning into the shared moans and groans you and Joel trade back and forth as your bodies move together.
He’s simply too beautiful, your eyes watching his heavy eyes disappear behind the crinkles on the side of them as he half smiles at you. Like he also can’t believe the two of you are doing this. 
You move your hips to meet his thrusts, the softness of the bed cradling you as Joel fucks you harder.
“M’close baby,” respires out against your mouth. Your cunt tightening even more around him as you both begin to reach the apex of your orgasms. “You gonna cum with me?”
You can only nod and blink hoping that your whimpers and moans let him know you’re right there with him. 
“Fuck, you’re so pretty and tight, can’t believe how fast you’re gonna make me cum. Fuck baby, just talking about it— gonna fucking cum.” 
You feel Joel’s cock throb as his spend fills you, your orgasm following, pumping Joel’s cock as you pulse around him. 
He drops down to rest on his forearms, his body landing on top of you. You welcome the feeling of his burning hot body smothering yours. He kisses you as he languidly still fucks into your cunt with his softening cock. Your pussy drips a mixture of your intermingled cum out as Joel pulls out and lays next to you on his back. 
You turn and rest your head rests against his chest, his breaths are slow and relaxed. Your hands run up his chest, stopping at the gold chain around his neck.
“Never took you for a necklace man, why do you wear it?”
“My daughter got it for me, when I won that playoff game.”
“Like THAT playoff game you hit the walk-off?” Your question implying it’s the same game you celebrated together, with Joel in the back of the club. 
“Yeah, that one,” Joel wraps his hand around yours. “Sometimes I still think of you and I that night when I see it. Thank you for tonight. You made a bad day into the best night.”
A/N: I adore these two. This stands as a one shot right now, since I'm currently working on my multi-chapter story Elks, but I might revisit them later. Go sports!
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daemon-in-my-head · 3 days
Text
I'm not over it, but really, Durgetash is just a story about loss and loneliness.
These two people have lost literally everything, their homes, their families (if they even had one to begin with), their freedom, they even lost their own godforsaken personhood. They were stripped of absolutely everything. They were reduced to less than nothing.
And then they turned around and found each other, somehow, by a twisted blessing of the fates they got to start building a home, reclaiming their personhood, working hard on gaining that freedom. Gortash literally welcomes Durge back home. It's not welcome back. It's specifically welcome back home. They made themselves a new home. Perhaps the first one they ever had.
And then they had everything ripped away from them yet again. Every last bit they worked so hard on crushed and crumbled to nothing with no way to fix it ever again. Because the loss had been so great, there was no way for recovery. No way to repair their little, frail shack they called home. And that loss must've been far more painful, because now, at least one of them, still knew what it was like to have a home. And yet it was taken away from them once again.
But despite that I still think about what would've happened if Durge had woken up with their memories intact. If they had taken on that journey knowing fully well who they were and what was on the line. I wonder if that time could've changed them or if they would've just ran back home, utterly blinded. Because yes it was shit back there. Yes they were doing unspeakable things and forced to do unspeakable things. But at least they had a home. They had someone. At least they weren't alone after decades of having nothing. After years of being so alone they found belonging and companionship in a literal murder cult. I wonder if they would've just hurried back because getting to save yourself is great, but perhaps just getting home a day earlier would be even greater.
Did not mean to post that post from earlier so I actually had to go wade thru my fucking drafts. This is hell.
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scarvain · 3 days
Note
omg i loved your hamzah fic! every time a hamzah fic shows up on the tl jesus sheds a tear!!
feel like it’s so awkward to request but would love for u to write about dating hamzah on the dl & being a guest on the patreon pod
giving relationship advice to some sad slushys while being all sweet n giddy with each other……
STAWWWPP I LOVE THISSSS I GOT U!!!
✶ sweet nothing — hamzahthefantastic x reader
WARNINGS: tooth-rotting fluff, i used the name junia for the slushy that msgd and reader has a dog named loki
A/N: i'm not subscribed to the patreon and i don't entirely know what goes on there BUT i just know hamzah's alone for that???? even in a fictional universe, hamzah still can't read too BAHAHAHA also sorry if this took so long, i had this in the drafts for a while but just finished it now!
the whole day, you’ve been overthinking about being on your boyfriend’s podcast.
you’ve been on out of character before but martin would also be there with you and hamzah.
so here you were, zoned out while your boyfriend explained everything you're gonna do for this episode.
"okay, so... are you ready?" he finally finished talking, now looking at you and then seeing the state you were in. his eyes soften and he walks toward you.
"what's wrong?" he held your hands in his as he tried getting your attention. you look up and give him a smile.
"just a bit nervous," you force a chuckle then he pulls you in to kiss your forehead. "you think they'll notice we're.. y'know." you tilt your head, placing a hand on his chest before wrapping your arms around his neck.
he shrugs in response, hands now on your hips, caressing the exposed skin from your top. "i don't know honestly but i don't think it'll be a big deal for them cause i love you."
you giggle before pulling him in for a kiss.
"okay let's start then!"
the podcast went on like it usually did, you and hamzah spoke about everything and anything you could think of — from the recent movies you've watched to activities you guys have been doing.
the next part of the podcast's segment was introduced by hamzah, he pulls out his phone and looks at his instagram messages.
"okay so this is the first one, i'll read it first and tell me what you think."
you nod at him to start the he starts to read.
"hi hamzah, i'm f-17 and i finish high school very soon. for the past year, i've realized that i lick—oh sorry it's like my best friend who's m-18 and he's had girls chasing him for a while now and he was entertaining them but ended up not having anything with any of the girls. but recently he's been hinting at liking me and flirting with me playfully i guess i don't know if i should let him know i like him, help me please."
you look at him to see if he was finished then he puts his phone down, now turning to look at you. “okay so you like your best friend that sounds familiar,” hamzah gives a teasing look to you with a smirk on his face.
you roll your eyes playfully, inching closer to him on the sofa until your knees are close to each other.
“i can relate to this, i was clueless too if he was flirting with me or not,” you glance between hamzah and the camera as you speak, holding the mic a bit closer. “but in the end it still worked out and he’s… well my boyfriend now!” you both chuckle and you feel yourself blush, hiding your face with the mic.
hamzah places a hand on your thigh which thankfully wasn’t caught in the frame. “oh my god okay, since you’re sooo happy talking about him, continue the story and give our girl… uh… wait what’s her name—oh there it is! junia!”
you get closer to hamzah, now shoulder to shoulder, and interlocking your hands with each other.
“okay so before i dated my boyfriend, he really wasn’t entirely my bestest best friend but more like a close best friend? he had a special place in my heart–”
“oh really what kinda special place?” he nudges you which you ignore.
“and even before i realized i liked him, it was like i’m always wanting to be around him or talk to him a lot.” your gaze was entirely on him as you said this, completely forgetting about the camera recording and a smile started to grow on hamzah’s face, looking down at his lap to try and hide it.
“i’ve known my boyfriend almost 5 or 6 years before we started dating and it really took me a while to realize i was in love with him.” you were already smiling at him, rubbing circles on the back of his hand.
his head shots up and looks at you, eyes a bit wide.
“wait you were in love already?”
you bite your lip to try and stop yourself from smiling bigger. “yeah, dude, i’ve told you this before!” you let go of his hand, the smile still prominent on your face as you punch his arm playfully.
“okay loser, just continue,”
you roll your eyes and scoff jokingly. “but in all honesty, i know i barely talk and post about my boyfriend but he knows i love him soooo much,” you look up at hamzah who was trying to hide his smile by biting the insides of his cheeks.
you lean closer to him before continuing. “so junia! if you really think you both like each other then go for it! you never know what could happen.” you said and it was like you had hearts as your eyes as you looked at hamzah.
he indistinctively puts an arm over your shoulder as the podcast continues, reading more of the messages and giving the viewers advice.
“oh hamzah! i think this one you can help with,” as you were about to show hamzah the message, your dog, comes out of the room and tries pulling you away from hamzah.
“jesus christ, loki, stop stealing my girlfriend.” he muttered but was still heard on the microphone.
you leave the couch for a while and place your dog in the room.
“okay so here’s the message.” you hand him the phone and he reads it.
“hi hamzah, i don’t know if you’re taken or single cause honestly you’ve been sending us mixed signals at the moment but if you are taken, can you help me flirt. i start college soon and i still don’t know how to talk and flirt with girls—okay i see what you’re trying to say here y/n what the hell.” he glares at you as he finally finishes reading and you stick your tongue out at him which he just smiles at.
"just a tip to everyone who's watching, never ask hamzah how to flirt cause this boy can't flirt to save his life!" you laugh as you said the joke, hamzah putting the phone down and covering your mouth to stop you from saying anything else.
the recording went on for a few more minutes, you ended the episode on a positive note since all you did was tease and make fun of each other.
"i don't think i'll ever be invited back here again after that, so bye you guys!" you blow a kiss to the camera before standing up and stopping the recording.
✶ taglist — @cdbabymp3 @noturbabe22 @dabuggh3 @kingvioleta @tumb1rgir1z LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD!!!
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rondo-grazioso · 3 days
Text
some math professor quotes
I just remembered about this draft post i made years ago during a semester when i had maybe the funniest professors ever. I guess now that it’s been a while since i’ve been out of uni it’d be fun to just post these 
Algebra
it’s ok that i’m confused, i’m confused all the time
you can teach a monkey to memorize…well, nothing against monkeys, monkeys are amazing
pray that this is an isomorphism
(TA after realizing mistake) oh noooooo….all the other students….i told them the wrong thing…aaah shit
wow…spontaneous silence
can they smurf better
if you look at the solutions after trying a question only once or twice, it will break my heart
last-minute cramming will be about as useful as bringing your dog to the exam
Calculus
this fucker converges
(every time he writes a complicated equation) what the fuuuuu
fuck the one
you know what bfc stands for? big fuckin cube
mathematics is serious!! we don’t like laughter. no laughter allowed. stop laughing. even smiling is not allowed
(someone’s phone goes off) what was that? probably me
(some weird noise coming from outside) what was that? god is that you
e^x is god’s function. lnx is the devil’s function
*comes in talking in a russian accent*
if you don’t know what the dot product is then…you’re fucked 
(after telling a story about experience working in a mental asylum) you may think i’m insane, but you haven’t seen what insane really is!! i’m perfectly normal 
Analysis
½ is less than 1…somehow
oh, 5 minutes left…well, i don’t really have anything else i want to cover. actually maybe i’ll just write a definition *(whole class goes NOOOOO)* okayyy
(finding out there is 15 minutes left of class) oh wow. i thought this would’ve taken me more time to get through
(after playing around with some faulty blackboards) i’m scared for my life now 
(after being stuck on his own proof) i’m going to take a quick look at my notes, which is already pretty embarrassing 
(after making a gajillion mistakes on the board) i really need to learn to read before i talk 
what do you call this in canada
(TA) *coughs* sorry i’m dying 
(TA) somebody on the midterm wrote “i’m dumb” on this question. that’s pretty irrelevant because i’m dumb and i can do this question 
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Hi Sarah! First, thank you for always welcoming and opening up interesting conversations. I love that about this little corner of the internet so much! I guess what I want to contribute is that I can kind of see what that anon said as being someone’s knee-jerk reaction. But we have to remember, everything is speculation right now. Is TTPD a breakup album? It seems likely. But we don’t know if it’s to “trash” Joe. It could very much be talking about how they both made mistakes. (Cont…)
(Cont…) YLM is probably our first glimpse into things and I wouldn’t say it is trashing Joe by any means. Taylor is just sharing how she felt and HER side, which is what she’s always done. So that shouldn’t seem shocking? What does bother me though, is that it seems like it is more of the fandom that starts to trash Taylor’s exes more than Taylor does. The fandom acts like Taylor was being held hostage in a relationship when she was not. She made her own choices. (2) (Cont…) I have shared before about how I was surprised how quickly people turned on Joe. He was very important to Taylor for a time. 2016 drama, reputation, Taylor needing her quiet, etc…but obviously it broke down somewhere along the way. And that is what we are probably going to get more insight on? But the relationship wasn’t all terrible like some of the fandom is assuming. And I don’t think it’s fair to Tay to assume she is going to trash Joe when we DON’T KNOW yet. (3)
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Hi friend! Tysm for this response and for choosing to be in this lil space and contributing to i so thoughtfully. I am no stranger to the knee-jerk reaction - I had a very unkind one typed out in response when that message was sitting in my drafts and let it stew for a long time like that until I finally felt like I could come at it with more space and the hopes of entertaining more open and beautiful conversations like this one! So again ty x2 for proving that intuition right that it was something that could indeed be turned around just based on one's approach and response.
It's been an interesting, very slight, change in tone and perception over the years of the Weaponized Songwriter. It's this strange view that her art exists as a means to bring Bad Men to their knees and not primarily as a method to process her own life experiences and to make sense of how others have made her feel. It isn't X did Y so they should Z. It's X happened to me and it made me A, B, C. She is the main character of her own cinematic universe! It isn't about 'trashing' it's just about experiences and the unvarnished version of her truth about what that experience was.
Somehow - if it makes sense - I find myself equally bothered both by the trashing and the defence of the muses. Imo, they are tangential to the story and I just am not invested in what happens to them when they're written out of it. And I don't care to putting my energy into vilifying or protecting them when my investment is in the writer and her story.
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echobx · 3 days
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figure you out part 3 - jj maybank x fem!reader
summary: y/n starts to grapple with the consequences of her actions after having what was possibly the best night of her life
warnings: fluff, smut smut warnings: p in v, oral (male and female receiving), aftercare
word count: 3.8k
author's note: had a hard time finishing this, I don't really have any thoughts left for this, just wanted to get it done after pt1 and pt2 sat in my drafts for half a year before I finally finished this like a day ago. it's probably shit.
part 1 part 2
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Her back pressed against the wall as he kissed y/n greedily, tugging on her lip before letting it spring free and filling her mouth with his tongue. He felt like everyone before had just been training, that he had gotten to perfect his skills just to please her like she deserved and nothing less.  The sounds she gave him sounded nothing like what she had shown him earlier. No trace of trying to convince him that she was enjoying it because she didn't even know where all of these feelings came from. y/n couldn't have conjured them before, even if she had wanted to. JJ had unlocked a part of her that she had never known existed, always assuming that how it had been before was just how it was supposed to be for everyone.  The loud gasp that left her as he thrusted into her from below for the first time was so loud she feared someone might hear them. Her fingers ran through his tousled hair, scratching his scalp as he whimpered under her touch.  Her fear was forgotten as he buried his head in her neck while bringing her to her high. Her eyes fixed on the horizon, snapping up to look at the stars and moaning loudly as she clenched around him.  "You're so hot," JJ praised her, pushing her through her first orgasm and to her second one with just a few more musings and kisses that were paired with his relentless thrusts.  "I can't, too much," y/n panted as he kept going, kept fucking her.  "Just one more, baby. I promise, just one more," he begged and she kissed him. He was drunk on love, drunk on her and how good she felt.  He came, and she followed instantly, having held back until he was ready. 
JJ put her down and she slumped down on the floor without having any control over it.  "Oh shit," he exclaimed, wanting to pull her back up, but y/n just started laughing and pulled him down to her instead. "My legs. You disabled my legs," she giggled as he sat down next to her. The cold breeze would have bothered them if they weren't still radiating the type of heat you only feel when you're truly in love.  "You'll never think of anything else ever again when you step on any balcony," he chuckled. "Best idea you ever had," she laughed and let her head fall to his shoulder.  "I have a lot of great ideas," he pouted and held onto her hand that lay on his leg.  "Oh yeah? Tell me all about it, baby." She grinned widely at the face he made when he heard the new pet name.  "Sounds wrong to hear you say that," he whispered to her. "We'll find something that fits better." "I know, asshole. My asshole." She turned around and beamed at him, and he laughed.  "I deserve that one. Gonna work really hard to deserve a better one, though." He finished by planting a wet and sloppy kiss on her lips.  He started talking again while she was still trying to recollect her thoughts. Somehow he kept on managing to make her lose all train of thought the moment his lips came even in close proximity to her. 
"I'm taking you out on a date. Picnic and surfing. I hope you still know how to surf, sharky." He smiled at her and curled his lips as she nodded.  "Maybe I'm a bit out of practice, but I'm good at catching up," she hushed before licking her lips and letting her hands run over his abs. "Have you always looked this tasty?" She asked, and her eyes slowly darted back up to look into his.  "I don't know, but I've always dreamed of being suffocated by those perfect tits or those absolutely fucking gorgeous thighs of yours, darling," he growled deeply and pulled her onto his lap, kneading her thighs while sucking on her boobs as she threw her head back and moaned loudly.  "Sit on my face, princess, please. I want nothing more. I'll do anything if you grant me that," he begged, and it was a picture too perfect to look at. He looked even hotter when he was begging for something only she could give him.  "I wanna suck your dick again," she whispered, and he nodded.  "Anytime, but first-" he wanted to get up and carry her into the bedroom, but she stopped him.  "No, I wanna do that simultaneously. Do you understand?" She had her hands on his shoulders, holding him down until he nodded a yes, and then they both got up and walked inside and into the bedroom. 
“Are you sure?” y/n asked for the tenth time, gnawing at her lip while kneeling on the bed next to JJ, who was already lying there, ready as ever.  “Ask again and see what happens, cupcake,” he growled and pulled her towards him. She had expected a harsh kiss, but instead he was gentle and patient and most of all, loving. “I love you so much, y/n. Now, please take a seat on JJ’s ride of pleasure.”  “Immediately no,” she had to laugh and hid her face in his neck, his sweaty hair tingling in her nose as it brushed up against it.  “You should really shut me up before I say anything worse. C'mon, giddy up, girl.” His shit eating grin was the same as it had been when they were nine and JJ had pushed her into the mud, right before she had taken her revenge.  “I hate you,” she whispered with a soft smile before sitting back up and straddling him; her hair in a knot and hands on his stomach.  “No you don't.” JJ pulled her backwards by her thighs, and she squealed involuntarily. “Now sit, darling.” “You’ll die if I do that. I'm not risking it,” y/n replied sternly.  “Best way to go out,” he sighed and leaned up to kiss her clit, eliciting a soft gasp in y/n. “Do you wanna start, or shall I?”  y/n didn't answer. She simply spit on his throbbing pink tip and started jerking him off before taking him into her mouth, moaning as she did because JJ had started to suck on her clit. 
Focusing on sucking him off while he was eating her out was difficult, but the moans she let out around his cock went through his body like shockwaves, turning him on even more than he already was.  She swirled her tongue around his tip, applying little pressure, while his tongue was thrusting up into her with restless strokes.  And then she was pulled down, and she couldn't fight it anymore, he was in full control. She was incapable of actually paying attention to what her tongue was doing to his dick, as if it actually mattered. JJ was thrusting his hips up into her throat in the same rhythm as his tongue lapped at her clit and hole. And when y/n came, it felt like someone had pulled the plug on her. Her release came gushing out and just a second later JJ shot his load down her throat. 
She pulled away and rolled to the side, completely exhausted and fucked out, but the happiest she had been in months.  “You still alive?” JJ laughed and wiped his face off on the towel he had grabbed from the bathroom earlier. But y/n only managed to hold a thumb up in response, as well as a pathetic whine when he leaned over to wipe her off too; first her pussy and then her lips to remove the bit of spit and cum that was stuck to them like lip gloss.  “We're definitely doing this again,” he hushed and looked into her hazy eyes. “Let me clean you up, princess.” 
That's how she found herself sitting on the small seat in the shower, with JJ kneeling in front of her and softly washing her body, only making her stand to wash off the soap.  She stayed seated in the fogged up shower for some time while JJ changed the sheets, not thinking y/n would want to sleep in soaked bedding.  “All done,” he announced while walking back into the bathroom, and by then she had managed to sort her brain just enough to manage to understand him completely.  “My legs are bad at their job,” she smiled up at him, and he picked her up and dried her off while holding her.  “Well, I did give it my best,” he smirked, and she let her head fall to his chest. “Let's go to bed.”
“What's the verdict, sharky?” JJ had his arms wrapped around her from behind, head buried in her neck and hair.  “You want a score?” she giggled.  “I'll take a fucking yelp review, baby. Just talk to me.”  “A+. Ten out of ten.”  “No room for improvement?” he asked jokingly.  “You wouldn't improve on that anyway, and it's not as much of a turn-off as I had expected.” “Oh, I'll get so much weirder just to annoy you,” JJ laughed, and she elbowed him lightly.  “What about me?” y/n whispered. “Better than any dream, my love.”  “Too many nicknames already,” she giggled, and JJ pulled her around and leaned over her, holding himself up on his left arm.  “Want me to pick one? Won't that be boring, gorgeous?”  “Maybe, Travis always-” “Don't. Kinda wanna guess that shit,” he held a finger to her lips to shush her, and she nodded in response.  “Prolly something boring, like, common as fuck,” JJ pondered and a few seconds later a wide grin spread on his face. “Do I get something if I guess it on the first try?”  “What do you want?” she whispered against his index finger.  “You. All of you, anytime and anywhere.” “Reasonable expectations,” she chuckled.  JJ leaned down and kissed the soft spot behind her ear before rasping a low “is that so, babe,” into her ear. y/n bit her lip and turned her face towards him, the blue in his eyes was barely visible and the air in between them was filled with a heavy, insatiable desire.  “Sounds so much better when you say it,” she hushed and traced his lips with the tips of her fingers.  “Keep looking at me like that, and I'll fuck you again.” “You're threatening me with a good time, Maybank,” she laughed and placed a quick kiss on his lips. 
“Didn't think sex could actually be this much fun,” y/n sighed after a long time of tranquil cuddles.  “Can I ask how many?” he asked quietly, and she hummed a little before answering.  “I lost count after the fifth. Decided to only count them if they managed to finish it properly. So, one.”  “Seriously?”  “Yeah, just you. You think I was lying earlier?” y/n had to laugh. “Just doesn't make sense to me. Why would they- I mean, I get that they are all selfish bastards but come on! Making a girl cum is like 80% of the whole fun of it,” JJ exhaled loudly and y/n kissed him.  “It's all right, Jay.” “Really not.”
“How long has it been that we actually slept in one bed?” y/n asked to distract him.  “The day you told me about the Kook academy,” he muttered.  “Fuck, that's forever ago. You still hate me for that?”  “Might hate you a little less now,” he grinned, and she faked a gasp.  “You think I could crash with you and JB just until I can find a place for myself,” y/n whispered.  “Funny. You think I'll be letting you move out again? Especially without me? Not happening,” JJ shook his head firmly. “Oh Maybank, the piece of work you are.”  “Nice piece though. Cute even,” he whispered.  “Very much,” she chuckled and closed her eyes before pulling him back down to lie half on top of her. “Goodnight, asshole.”  “Sweet dreams, sharky.” 
y/n woke up with a light groan erupting from her throat. She turned to the right side of her bed to find it empty, and her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.  “JJ?” she called out, but no one answered. On soft soles, she made her way into the living room area, finding a small pink note taped to the door.  “Breakfast run. Be back b4 u notice -xx JJ” But y/n had noticed, and she had also taken into account how messed up the flat looked. 
Pillows were thrown all over the living room floor, towels too. Dirty dishes in the sink and no food in the fridge.  Her home was just as much of a mess as her life.  Yet, instead of cleaning up, y/n decided to take a long shower. Reminiscing over the last night and letting all of her guilt be drowned out by how good JJ had made her feel.  “Are you taking a shower without me?” she heard him ask and turned around to look at him through the fogged up glass of the shower door.  “Good morning, lover,” y/n giggled and watched him take off his boots, then his shirt and shorts and finally the boxers that had yet again restricted his growing erection. 
He pressed her against the tile and let his hands roam her body, groping harshly and making her moan and whimper with it.  “How will I ever wanna stop wanting to fuck you?” he muttered to himself as she sucked on his fingers, which he was harshly pushing down her throat.  “You wanna say something, gorgeous?” he taunted her, groaning and pulled his hand away again.  “Fuck me, JJ,” she breathed, and in the blink of an eye he had her turned around and was thrusting into her from behind.  JJ held onto her hips, pushing them against his in a harsh pace while his lips were connected to her back. Trailing kisses and loving bites up and down her spine.  “Want me to fill you up, baby?” he rasped into her ear, and she moaned louder than before.  “Yes, please, JJ- God- Gonna cum-” her words were cut short when he halted deep inside her and shot his whole load into her clenching pussy. And the band inside her stomach, the one he had so perfectly pulled tighter with every word, every kiss, every thrust, burst into a million pieces as she fell apart for him. 
“I bought breakfast,” JJ said while cleaning himself up.  “Good,” y/n mumbled, eyes screwed shut and her back leaning against the cold tile. He cupped her cheeks, softly rubbing his thumbs over her smooth skin. “Everything okay?”  “No,” she wept, opening her eyes to stare back into his blue ones. “I don't want to hurt him.” “No one needs to know what we did,” JJ tried to calm her down. “Just be honest. Tell him that you don't love him, that's better than keeping this shit going and growing miserable over it.” “I don't like when you use your brain. You're supposed to be the stupid one of us,” she murmured with a light smile on her lips.  “Nah, baby. I'm your voice of reason.” “That's worse,” she snorted, and he let his forehead fall to hers.  “See, worked like a charm, my little plan.” “What plan?”  “Getting you to laugh. Love your laugh, darling. Love you.” He finished his whispered musings by placing a kiss on her soft lips. “Get ready and dressed and meet me in the kitchen, ‘kay?”  “Okay,” y/n nodded with a smile and watched him step away. “Love you too, dumbass.” 
While y/n was getting ready, JJ tried his best to clean up and follow the instructions on the pancake mix bottle. He set the table and even put some flowers in a vase. Flowers that he had stolen from the flowerbeds that surrounded the parking lot of the building.  “Wow,” y/n gasped as she walked into the living space. The room was filled with the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip pancakes and coffee.  “Told you I'd apologize,” JJ said after turning around from his spot at the stove.  “See, I nearly forgot about all that, but now that you remind me,” she spoke slowly while walking over to him and snaking her arms around his waist. “Would a Kook do the things we did last night?”  “Can I just say sorry, and we move on?” JJ whined.  “Depends on how good your pancakes are,” she grinned.  He flipped around and quickly flipped the pancakes over before they could burn even more, having completely forgotten all about them while his focus had been on the girl in his arms. “You know, I only said all that ‘cause I was hurt. ‘Cause I missed you,” he mumbled without looking at her.  “I know, I'm not mad at you for it. Not anymore. And you already made up for it.” She shrugged and walked over to the table and took her seat. 
They ate and reminisced over old times, like the first time JJ had convinced her and JB, and most of all Big John, to take care of breakfast just for him to nearly burn down the Château in the process.  And then they caught each other up on how life had been the last months. JJ did his best to not look disgusted every time she mentioned something so very Kooky, that he nearly got a visceral reaction over it. 
The lock in the door clicked and ripped them both out of their bliss and back to reality.  Travis, 6’1 with dark hair and green eyes, stumbled into the flat. He had dark rings under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept at all.  “y/n?” he asked, but his eyes kept darting over to JJ.  “I thought you were coming back tonight? Did something happen?” y/n jumped up and gave him a quick hug hello, but not letting herself linger for longer than a second.  “The neighbors called over some unusual noise, so I came back as fast as I could to check on you,” he replied with a caring smile.  “Oh, I didn't hear anything,” y/n lied without batting an eye, but her heart once again grew heavy.  “I didn't know you'd be having guests,” Travis cleared his throat, but JJ kept quiet, simply observing and calculating when it would be the best moment to break Travis' nose, or jaw, depending on how much he would hurt y/n once she told him about it all.  “Uhm, yeah, I uh- Well, I went by the Chat yesterday and JJ was- Doesn't matter, he just came by to apologize and talk,” y/n stumbled over her own words, and it got more and more difficult for her to keep her composure. “That's nice,” Travis nodded and let his bag fall down onto the floor, leaning in to kiss his girlfriend, but in the very last second y/n turned her head, and he only hit her cheek. 
“Do you want to have breakfast?” she asked quickly and pulled him towards the table.  JJ furrowed his brows at her as if to ask what she had planned, but she didn't even take much notice of it.  “First time I see you have the curtains open,” Travis noted, and y/n had to gulp.  “You know she's scared of heights, right?” JJ snarled.  “Jay, be nice,” y/n whispered, and he turned to look at her again, his expression softening instantly. “Was just asking a question.” “I know, but the flat was already ours so it was easier,” Travis explained and JJ rolled his eyes.  “Sure it was.”
“Travis, I need to talk to you,” y/n stood up and he nodded. The two walked towards the bedroom for more privacy, right into the scene of the crime he didn't know had been committed at all.  “What's wrong, babe?” ‘Babe,’ the memory of JJ making fun of Travis’ pet name for her, was making her hair stand up in her neck.  “I don't think I can do this anymore,” y/n shook her head and looked at her hands, fingers entangled and picking at her nails.  “What do you mean?” He sat down on the bed, and she squirmed with how uncomfortable it all made her.  “I mean the fact that we aren't really happy together. I mean the fact that I'm not made out for the life you want for yourself and I- I don't want you to grow resentful towards me over the years, all right? Travis, you and me, it's not working out.” She gazed right into his confused face, and he slowly shook his head.  “But why?”  “Because I'm not the girl you think I am. I'm not posh and polished and all your mom wants me to be. And I'm so sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. I'm gonna move out, you'll get the car back, I'll not go to that school-” “Nonsense, you got in on your own, and I don't need another car, especially one registered to your name, and it was a gift, so,” Travis paused to let out a long breath. “You don't love me anymore?”  “No, I'm sorry. I might've confused a very good friendship with love, and I'm sorry for that,” she spoke softly and he nodded, tired eyes and a broken smile on his lips.  “Always felt like we were trying too hard,” he chuckled.  “We were.”  “You don't have to move out, you can stay until you find a place or as long as you like.” “I don't think that's a good idea,” she whispered.  “Can I ask something, and I promise I'm not gonna be mad, I just want the truth,” Travis asked quietly, his green eyes piercing her.  “Of course.” “You slept with him? JJ?”  A nod, that was all she could manage because the guilt over it all was still tugging on her heart.  “Okay,” he nodded.  “I didn't mean to, it just happened,” she started crying and for some reason he decided to comfort her.  “You've always loved him more than me,” he mumbled against her shoulder before quickly letting go and leaving her alone in the room. And just a minute later she heard the front door fall into the lock and the rock that had flattened her heart was lifted for a while. 
“You good?” JJ asked while leaning in the door frame.  “Perfect. He wasn't even angry and too sweet and too good. Why am I so fucked up?” she cried, and JJ stepped over to where she was sitting and hugged her tightly, not letting go until her breath had stopped hitching, and the tears had stopped streaming.  “C’mon, cupcake, we have a breakfast to finish, and then we'll get you out of here. Clean cut, as clean as it's possible,” JJ said and pulled her out of the room with him and into a better, and hopefully brighter future.
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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
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lady-harrowhark · 2 days
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Hey! I was reading “putting your fist through a thick sheet of glass (i know you don't want to)” again. I really love it. I was just sort of wondering how our AU Gideon and Harrow are doing?
Oh gosh, I'm so happy to hear you've enjoyed it, and grateful you've taken the time to let me know 💛 Hearing that it's a fic that people have gone back to actually makes me really emotional 🥹 Last week actually marks exactly one year from when I first started drafting - I wrote the scene where Harrow drives Gideon to OT and they bicker about "none pizza" in the car in my notes app on a flight. A whole year! Absolutely bonkers to think about.
That's an excellent question you've got there. I think someday you might get an answer to that [whistling innocently].
Joke's aside, I do have a follow-up piece that I've been casually tinkering with for a while. It's still in the very very early stages, so I genuinely could not begin to guess at a timeline. By "very very early stages" I mean like, I have an outline made and half of two different scenes written, maybe 1k total? I do have a playlist, a moodboard for one of the plotlines, and a very sparse inspo tag though, and as we all know, those are the things that really matter, right?
Not to be a tease (again, I have no ETA whatsoever for this) but I will drop a little screenshot tidbit from the conversation I had with @theriverbeyond (who was also my enormously supportive beta reader for ikydwt) when I first blurted out the general idea:
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The phrase "bubblegum pop angst" was also uttered during that conversation, for what it's worth 😏
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burberrycanary · 3 days
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I thought I’d be feeling more triumphant to have wrapped up my post-TFATWS stucky endgame fix-it series, A Man Takes His Sadness Down to the River, which is now complete. And believe me, I’m pleased and relieved to have the whole thing out in the world. But it’s also bittersweet and there’s an odd little feeling of let-down, too. 
I’m going to miss these versions of Steve and Bucky—and Sam and Sarah. These are the most psychologically complex stories I’ve written as Steve and Bucky slowly and arduously figure out how to live with themselves and with each other in the post-Snap, post-Return, post-Endgame world as it is. How do you move forward after all the mistakes and injustice and everything you’ve had to survive to reach this point?
Not an easy question.
But in the same way that I view Steve and Bucky as fundamentally hopeful characters, these stories also contain a lot of joy and hardwon moments of happiness. As Steve thinks at one point—
But that’s the world, bleak turned one way and then somehow still beautiful when turned inside-out with the bleak waiting again for the next reverse, not really gone anywhere: just out of sight.
I’ve been working on this series for years—I started the earliest drafts back at the end of 2021—and it’s been very much a labor of love. So if you’re interested in trying an Endgame fix-it that doesn’t let Steve off the hook for the choices he made but also gives him the chance to do better; and a story that lets Bucky keep the hardwon connections and growth we see in TFATWS while bringing Steve and Bucky, these two profoundly intertwined characters, back together and then asks: after everything, how could these characters live, really live, in the world again?
“If you didn’t live in New York,” Bucky asks while passing over another ice cold beer before he takes his own, “where would you go?” Steve has seen a lot of the world, in passing, coming from one fight or heading to the next. “I don’t know.” He slumps further down in the sloped deck chair and tilts his head to watch Bucky’s face in profile, silhouetted against the heat-warmed bricks and the long slice of purpling sky that hangs between buildings over the road. “Anywhere you wanna see?” Bucky wets his lower lip and takes a swallow of the sour beer. Steve shoves down the desire to draw Bucky’s hands, doing the ordinary things of living, until he can bury Bucky in a cascade of those images. “Some days, feels like there’s not much in the world I haven’t seen. Seeing it during peacetime, though, that’d be something.” Bucky slants that dark, dangerous grin at him that’s straight from the spring of ‘44. “If you can call this peace.” Reaching out, Steve offers the neck of his beer. “What’s peace, anyway?” Bucky clinks their two bottles together. “What the hell is peace?”
This series is the story of two old soldiers trying to find some peace, whatever that may be.
Read A Man Takes His Sadness Down to the River (The Consolation of Philosophy)
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roppiepop · 2 months
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Who’s coming to the cookout?
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gatoiberico · 8 months
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goofs
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indiestarlight · 1 month
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I really do think it would be very, very beneficial for people in fandom to spend some time looking into how long it takes to create their favorite media, because oh my god I am so tired of seeing people say "[Thing] is taking so long to come out!!!" and then I look at how long they've been waiting for [Thing] to come out and it's like, 1/3 of the average time it takes to produce that form of media.
I am not an expert on all forms of media, but just to talk about the ones I'm familiar with:
Fiction podcasts are usually in production for at least a year before they start releasing episodes. Nonfiction podcasts can be anywhere from 3-12+ months IME. For a seasonal fiction pod, you'll probably need at least a year of production time per season.
Novels often take 2-3+ years to write. Keep in mind that "writing a novel" is more than just "typing out the words". Writing a novel is plotting, outlining, building a world, developing characters, creating multiple unique storylines that all somehow tie together into one coherent whole, and so much damn editing. It gets even more finicky once you bring traditional publishing into play, which has so many of its own weird, messy things to deal with (@xiranjayzhao has been talking about this a lot, and I really recommend checking out everything they have to say about it. Also, pre-order Heavenly Tyrant.)
I've never worked on a TV show or full-length movie before, though I have worked on the sets of short films before. I once acted in a 2-3 minute short film that required months of planning, a 14-hour filming day, and then a few more months of editing. And again, this was to produce less than five minutes of film!
If you're upset because the new season of your favorite TV show hasn't come out six months after the last one ended, or because it's taking a few years for the next book in your favorite series to come out: I am begging of you to understand that art takes time to make. Good art takes even more time. Good art made by artists who are being treated well takes more time still. The artists behind the art you love are people. Please remember to treat them like they are.
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heeliopheelia · 10 months
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𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍'𝐒 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒 ☼
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genre: fluff
word count: 2.6k
an: i'm sorry for the length (especially the sunoo's one), hope that makes up a little bit for my absence :))
masterlist
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LEE HEESEUNG
You jog up the stairs to Heeseung's apartment, soaked to the bones from the pouring rain. You rush all the way up the staircase, teeth chattering as you spot your boyfriend already waiting for you with his door open.
"Oh my god, I'm freezing!" You whine out as you throw yourself on his neck, clinging to his body in a poor attempt to steal some of his body warmth.
Heeseung yelps at the feeling of your wet clothes and pulls you inside the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him and wrapping his arms around your waist.
"Are you crazy? How could you walk all the way here in a fucking downpour?" He scolds you halfheartedly, rubbing his arms up and down your body to help with warming you up.
"Wasn't my fault! It came down on me like halfway here," you mumble into his neck. "I missed you too much."
You can hear him chuckling and he pulls away from you, grabbing you by the hand and giving one last look at your sorry looking self.
"Come on, let's take care of it."
You let him lead you to his bedroom and you stand next to him patiently, waiting as he digs through his closet in an attempt to find his warmest clothes.
"Alright, these will do, I think," he says and tosses the items on his bed.
He stands right in front of you and leans down to help you tug your wet shirt up to put his hoodie over your head next. It takes you both a hot struggling minute to take the soaked jeans off your legs but after a while you succeed and tug on a pair of Heeseung's gray shorts. He reaches down and pulls on the strings to tighten them on your hips comfortably. You feel so content with the feeling of the wet clothes finally being replaced with the warm, your boyfriend-scented ones.
"Thanks," you say and smile up at him, raising to your tiptoes to press a loving kiss to his jawline.
"You're very welcome," he responds, lips stretching out in a wide smile as well. He wraps his arms around your middle and pulls you closely to his chest before leaning down to meet his lips with yours.
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PARK JAY
With a playful scowl, you shove Jay gently with your elbow. "That's not what I said, liar!"
"Yes, it is. You're just in denial," he teases back and flicks your forehead with a chuckle.
It's so late at night, you can almost see the sun rising above the horizon, yet neither of you feels tired as you just can't get enough of each other.
You haven't been on a date for nearly a month as both of your tight schedules prevented you from seeing each other for so long, so now that you finally have the time with him, you're going to make every minute of it worthy.
You're walking by the river, Jay's arm wrapped around your waist and fingers caressing your side gently. There's not a single soul apart from the two of you here in such ungodly hour and you bask in the silent flow of the river.
Jay's hand suddenly brushes over your forearm and he gasps quietly when he feels the sharp goosebumps covering your skin. He turns his head to you and is instantly met with your sheepish smile.
"I told you to bring a jacket," he scolds you. "You never listen to me."
You stifle a laugh at seeing your boyfriend so worked up. You raise your arm up and rub your fingers on the frowned skin in between his eyebrows. Grabbing his hand and wrapping it back around your waist, you try to force him to walk forward but he stubbornly digs his heels in the gravel.
"Oh, come on. It's summer! And the forecast said it would be warmer today," you say with a pout. "It's not a big deal, though. I'm not even that cold, let's go."
"You're insane if you think I'd let you walk around like that," he scoffs and starts shrugging off his own leather jacket.
"No! Keep it on, now you're gonna be cold!" You protest quickly but still let him wrap the warm clothing over your shoulders. "See? You're shaking like a leaf."
Jay only rolls his eyes at your teasing and pulls you close to him again as you finally resume walking. "Am not."
You giggle at him but then something comes to your mind. "Wait, I have a better idea! Stay still."
You stop Jay and walk around him, only to jump on his back and wrap your arms around his neck. He stumbles slightly at your unexpected weight on top of him but quickly regains his balance, placing his hands under your knees. You happily tuck your head in his shoulder and place a kiss to his sensitive skin, earning a satisfied huff out of him.
"See? Now the both of us are warm."
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SIM JAKE
You ring the doorbell and wait for one of the boys to open the door. Jake has texted you about half an hour ago that he'd just come back from his football practice and that you should drop by. You don't need to be asked twice, so you grabbed some of your stuff and headed to his apartment.
You hear a voice calling something from behind the door before it opens and you're greeted by Heeseung's smiling face.
"Hi," you say and walk in as he opens the door for you widely.
"Jake's in his room," he answers your question before you even have the chance to ask it.
You nod your head with a smile. "Thanks."
When you walk into the pointed bedroom, you're greeted by the evening darkness — well, besides the light coming from your boyfriend's phone that's currently lying on his chest, most likely forgotten as the video playing on it put Jake to sleep. Shaking your head with a small laugh, you walk up to the bed and put his phone aside before settling up right next to him.
When you press your lips to his cheek softly, Jake wakes up and looks at you with dim eyes.
"Hi," you whisper with a giggle, hugging him with a smile on your lips.
"You're here already," he says, voice a little raspy. He pulls you closer and kisses your lips. "Sorry, didn't mean to fall sleep."
"It's okay," you hum before untangling yourself from his arms and getting up.
Jake points to his desk. "The shirt's there."
Just like you've done so many times before, you quickly change into the t-shirt that he left you and neatly fold your clothes on his desk chair. Dressed in a proper attire, you go back to the bed and immediately are caged by his arms that pull you closely to his chest.
"God, you look the best in my clothes," he mumbles as his lips nuzzle your cheek.
You let out a small laugh. "You think so?"
Jake hums and you feel his slim fingers stroking your skin underneath his t-shirt. "Absolutely. I would show you if I wasn't so damn tired, trust me."
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PARK SUNGHOON
You reach your arms above your head, your hand meeting the soft skin of Sunghoon's cheek as you caress it gently. The two of you are cuddled up on his couch, trying to watch some sitcom but unsurprisingly ending up talking and bickering throughout most of the episode. You're wearing Sunghoon's hoodie that you've stolen couple hours ago. He loves when you do that. Seeing you in his clothes brings him so much warmth and giddiness, though he rarely says anything.
"You still have some of that popcorn left?" You ask, tilting your head backwards to take a glimpse of your boyfriend's face.
His hands are resting inside the front pocket of your hoodie, fingers absently drawing circles on your covered stomach.
"One would think you'd have enough for today," he teases with a snicker, his fingers curling up and tickling you gently, making you squirm with a strangled yelp. "You ate two bowls all by yourself. If you keep it up, you're gonna end up with a tummy ache."
You hum in agreement, settling back down on his chest. "I guess you're right."
You sit in silence only for a short while before Sunghoon asks suddenly, "I can make you a sandwich if you're hungry though?" He moves his head to the side to make it easier for you to look at him.
"Really?" You gasp from excitement, surprised at the kind act of your never-cooking boyfriend. "You'd do that for me?"
Sunghoon laughs and pinches your side playfully. "Am I really such a bad boyfriend that my girlfriend gets this excited over a sandwich?"
"You're the best one of a kind," you chirp, grinning up at him.
Sunghoon scoffs and leans forward to press his warm lips to your temple. "Fine. I'll be right back."
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KIM SUNOO
You wake up as a sudden cramp twists your guts. You whine quietly, rolling to your side and away from Sunoo who's been holding you tightly for the entire night. You slowly open your eyes, blinking to adjust to the light coming out of the window as sunrise lights up the room thinly.
You turn around to face your sleeping boyfriend, only to end up gasping as your eyes land on the red stain on the bed. You quickly get up from the bed, head spinning from the abrupt movement. You tear up out of embarrassment, even if you know it's not your fault that your period started earlier than it was supposed to.
"What's going on?" Sunoo asks groggily as he takes in your panicked state in confusion. He sits up on the bed, concerned at the sight of your teary eyes. "Are you okay? What happened?"
You shake your head, knowing you're being a little dramatic but the fear of him getting mad or even grossed out lays a shadow over your common sense.
You speak up quietly. "I got my period early and stained your bed. I'm so sorry."
You watch as Sunoo's eyes drift down to the bedding before he clicks his tongue and stands up from the bed. You hide your face in your hands out of embarrassment.
"I'm sorry! I didn't-"
"Oh, come on, you really think I'd be mad at you for that?" He interrupts you and wraps his arms around you. "Please, don't cry, angel. It's not your fault and it's okay."
"But I ruined your sheets!" You whine out, hiding your face in the crook of his neck instead.
"You didn't ruin anything, silly! It's just a little blood," he scoffs and leans down to kiss the top of your head. "Hold on, alright?"
Relief rushes through your veins at his peaceful reaction, but then again, how could you ever expect anything else from your angel? You suddenly feel silly for overreacting like that but Sunoo doesn't give you a lot of time to overthink as he comes back with a pair of sweatpants in his hand.
"Here, get changed into these and I'll take care of the bed, alright?"
You nod your head before pecking his cheek and going to the bathroom to change. After cleaning up and tugging on the sweats, you come back to the bedroom and notice that he's already replaced the stained sheet with a clean one.
"See? Nothing happened, don't worry," he assures you one more time as he walks over to you and grabs your hand. He drags you over to his bed and crawls up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist and bury his face in your hair. "Now, let's go back to sleep because it's too damn early to be awake."
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YANG JUNGWON
His thumb strokes the soft skin on your palm as the both of you walk down the park. You're just coming back from your date since it's gotten a little too windy to stay outside, so now you're on your way back home.
"No, she told me not to do that but I- God!" You interrupt yourself out of annoyance as your hood gets blown away from your head for like the hundredth time this hour. Murmuring under your nose, you tug it back on rather aggressively which makes Jungwon snicker quietly.
You keep talking. "So, as I was saying, I- Oh my god, I'm gonna lose my mind!" You cry out in defeat when another strong whisk of wind swipes the hood off the top of your head. Your boyfriends laughs louder now as he's been just wondering how much time will it take for you to finally lose it.
"You just can't get a break, can you?" He teases before stopping and walking in front of you.
You watch in confusion as he fixes the hood at your neck, then brings his hands up and tucks away the loose hair that wind has blown in your face. His grin is permanent on his face as he reaches his arms up and takes off his black beanie before tugging it over your hair instead. You instantly feel warmer and it's your turn to flash Jungwon with a smile now.
"Thanks," you say and run your hand through his thick hair to tame them a little.
Jungwon catches your hand in his and lifts it up to his face, only to end up pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. "Just don't wanna have you sick by tomorrow."
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NISHIMURA RIKII
"Loser!"
Your laughter echoes in Niki's head as another snowball hits him right in the shoulder. He sends you a playful glare before leaning down into the snow and collecting a fistful of it, only to respond to your sudden attack with a throw at your head. You duck down slightly and avoid the snow from smacking you right in the face.
"That was rude!" You exclaim, instantly throwing another snowball into his hood as he turns around.
Niki yelps and looks at you in shock. "How dare you?" He asks, trying his best to cover his smile. "You better hide cause I won't let that slide."
You listen to his words and jog a couple meters back with a giggle. When you turn around, you notice your boyfriend standing almost face to face with you, holding a pile of snow in his gloved hand. He comes closer to you without the intention to throw it at you and you gasp as you realize what he's about to do.
"Don't even try," you warn him, backing away from him. "You're not gonna rub it in my face, you clown."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that if I was you," Niki teases before launching himself onto you.
As you try to dodge him, you quickly start backing away with your hands protecting your face. Next thing you know, you're tripping over the curb of the sidewalk and falling back into the large pile of snow. You yelp as your body is instantly engulfed with cold. You try to push yourself up from the pile and instantly feel your hand freezing up as you forgot to bring your gloves from home.
"Geez."
You can hear Niki mumbling from above you before his large hands pull you up from the pile. When you're standing back on your feet, he starts to dust you off from the snow sticking to your clothes and hair. You smile at him widely, watching as he fixes the collar of your jacket with furrowed eyebrows.
Without saying anything else, he unwraps his scarf and places it around your neck instead, securely tying it and tucking your wet hair underneath it. At the end he slides his gloves onto your frozen hands and hides them inside his jacket as he pulls you closely to his chest.
"Thank you. Best boyfriend who?" You grin up at him and raise to your tiptoes to peck his jaw sweetly.
Niki flicks your nose. "Loser."
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permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19
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samarecharm · 4 months
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Ryuji having the worst bi crisis of his fucking life bc his mom just had to fucking ask “oh, whats this young ladys name?” when he showed her a picture of Akira petting Morgana. Like okay yeah Akira is like objectively pretty, hes like the Classic Delicate Pretty Boy just like Yusuke which is like whatever; straight dudes have eyes, and they know what women like to see. But now hes like. Seeing things he likes in girls IN Akira now and he cant make it Stop like its genuinely keeping him up at night 😭
Pretty boy used to be A Face that would come up in his mind when he thought of the term. There was no specifics in mind, just like. Pretty Boy. Pretty boy! You say that and theres like a Face Template that shows up in ur minds eye and hed just attribute that to any dude who was like Vaguely Pretty. But now its Akira 😭 and he finds himself cataloging things that Akira does that he KNOWS he finds cute when girls do it. The hairtuck behind the ears. The headtilt when he mishears a question. The Actually Pretty Doe Eyes. The breathy, nearly inaudible chuckle he does in place of a Real laugh (thats made better by the fact that its so hard to get him to laugh in the first place). He likes cute snacks. He blushes easily. Ryuji is sitting here like ‘theres no fucking way man. Like theres just no way. That shit makes NO sense (a lie)’ lying in bed in the middle of the night looking like this vvvv w his phone in his hands (looking at pictures of akira)
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It drives him insane bc like he did Not see any of these things as like inherently girly or whatever. Like thats just akira thats just his bro! And he does OTHER weird shit that cancels all that shit out. Hes like a messy engineer/tinkerer, he rolls out of bed and whatever situation his hair is is everyones problem. He wears that AWFUL gym uniform and doesnt tweak it AT ALL?? He likes baseball?? hes got a whole binder of trading cards that he will show off if u show any moment of weakness. Like hes just Some Dude but also manages to be Some Girl at the same time and Ryuji is like thats not fair. Life sucked ass but at least it made sense before Akira stumbled into it 😭
#persona 5#pegoryu#akiryu#chattin#long post#THIS one is almost a year old lmao its been in my drafts for a while#i at least tagged it as pegoryu before running away cutely so i think i was finished ??? well now i am throwing it into the world#anyway. akira is the guy ever. and ryuji is exploding#‘i have died. badly’#i like thinking of akira like this; hes ryujis first exposure to nb ppl and gnc adjacent stuff#even if akira is p masc by most standards hes still got a bit of. aloofness. about his gender stuffs#ryuji is just really into the way akira carries himself#and it takes him a while to go oh. oh i think its cause i like this dude#um.#😳.#also i wanted to clarify#but ryujis mom just doesnt know Who akira is in that picture#and in my head hes like. looking down at mona and petting him (while sitting)#(AND hes with ann and theyre both kind of a distance away from the camera)#so at a quick glance; hes just Some Girl#and even though shes wrong; it kicks off the mental chaos olympics in ryujis head#‘what hes not a girl’ to ‘where would she even get that from’ to ‘well akira said himself he didnt rlly care what ppl thought about it’#to ‘well. where DID she get that from?’ to lookin at what his homie does a little closer to ‘aw fuck. man.’#but i love that for him#ALSO. RYU/GORO IN TAGS…..#but ryuji going oh my GOD oh my godddd 😨😓😓😓 when something clicks in his head about goro#his voice is so practiced and naturally softspoken and his public facing persona is very demure#and once he gets past the initial anger over goro being a pompous prick who shittalks about the thieves. hes like. god fucking dammit.#There Is A Pattern and A Type He Has and Its Killing Him To Realize it.#hes literally sitting in his room w his head in his hands
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