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justagalwhowrites · 10 months

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Beskar Doll - Ch. 10: Leverage

A plan is taking shape but first, you and The Mandalorian need leverage. A continuation of Beskar Doll Ch. 1-9 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: The Mandalorian/Din Djarin x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, light smut (FINALLY! Dry humping, just a lot of it). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 7K

The trek to the city wasn’t nearly as long on a speeder bike as it would have been on foot. For one, getting down the mountain was a whole hell of a lot quicker when you could travel straight down and not take it at an easy incline. Din was at the helm and you were wrapped around his waist. You diligently kept your eyes closed, worried that watching the trees that you could hear whizzing past your head would make you sick. Your pack was strapped securely to your back, planning to set up camp just outside the city overnight with Keci joining you both tomorrow.

She’d told you some of what went on in the city, things she suspected weren’t totally legal or were, at least, questionable. You had an idea of where to start after you left your speeder outside the city in a place that seemed safe.

You’d never navigated a city of this size with the Mandalorian by your side. You were used to blending in, taking advantage of being small and unobtrusive, just raising a hood here or putting on a wrap there to help blend in and not jump out as a familiar sight after tailing someone for hours. A Mandalorian didn’t blend in.

Instead, it was like the waters of people flowing down the streets parted for you, giving the armored man a wide berth. When you’d glance back to him, you saw him doing the same thing he’d done on Nevarro - never looking in one direction for too long, always on guard for something to jump out and attack at any time.

After a while of not being able to move through the place the way you liked, you pulled Din aside.

“I think we need to split up for a bit,” you said. You could almost feel him frown at you. It was funny, you’d never seen his face but you were sure he was doing it behind the metal. “You’re a little too… bold. I can’t sneak into anywhere with you here.”

“No one’s taking a shot at you with me here, either,” he replied. “And you can’t collect or do anything with intel if you’re dead.”

“I’m very good at not getting killed when gathering information,” you assured him. You weren’t sure why he seemed to care quite so much. Yes, you were friends now. And there was the added intimacy that came with having traveled together in such close quarters. But this was just part of the job he’d accepted - his code should make it so he’d want to do whatever it took to get it done. “Believe it or not, I did this for years - more than a decade - before I even met you, with way bigger assholes than some Spice runners and gangsters. I’ll be fine.”

He looked around, over your head, for a moment before looking back down to you.

“I don’t like it.”

You sighed.

“I’ll meet you here in three hours,” you said, eyebrows raised as you waited for him to agree.

He looked down at you for a long moment before he sighed.

“Fine,” he pulled a com link off his belt and pressed it to your hand. “Anything happens - and I mean anything - I come get you.”

You gave him a smile, a nod and slipped into the crowd, feeling his eyes on you until he was out of sight.

It was much easier when you didn’t have more than six feet of armor behind you. It only took half an hour of navigating the seedier parts of the city when you easily identified a place that seemed to have a stream of people flowing into a nondescript door. You slipped inside, poking around. It didn’t take long for you to find that it was an underground casino, with sabacc tables and slot machines that looked so old they probably pre-dated the Empire. In the middle, through doors that were heavily guarded, was a fighting ring. You winced as you watched two men brawl. It was painful enough to see them beating each other but it was worse when you realized both men were wearing shock collars. One stopped hitting the other - who lay limp on the mat below him - looking off to an unseen force for permission to step away. You saw the metal at his neck spark and his body seize before he went back to beating the man on the ground.

It was terrible but it’s exactly what you needed. You tried to unobtrusively take a picture.

You worked your way deeper into the establishment, trailing people as they went about their business, listening closely when they said names or mentioned something that sounded like someone had control. You stayed close when you heard the word Spice, doing everything you could to stay unseen, just blend into the background. At one point, you paused at one of the slot machines and pretended to play to listen in on a conversation, one that gave you a specific name. You noted it and stayed close to the person who seemed to know most, following a few paces behind them. You’d thought you’d been doing well until you turned a corner and ran smack into his chest.

“Well, well, well,” the man looked down at you, his head cocked and a smile spreading on his sharp face. “I have a little stalker.”

“I’m sorry,” you stammered in Chandrilan. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m lost, can you help me find my way out?”

He grabbed your face, his fingers digging into your skin, the force enough that it threatened to break your jaw.

“Surely you don’t think I’m that stupid, girl,” he snarled, putting his face close to yours. “I know you were listening. You’ve been slinking through here for hours.”

“I’m sorry,” you switched to Basic, straining to talk around his grip on your face. “I’m just… I’m looking for my dad, OK? He left weeks ago, the money is gone, please, my baby brother is starving and he has a habit of losing everything at the tables. I thought… maybe he’d lost so much that you had him.”

He searched your eyes as though that would tell him the truth. He released your jaw.

“What’s his name?” He asked, pulling a data pad from his side. You blinked.

“Perro Obeu,” you said, making it up on the spot. He entered the name and looked at a list.

“He’s not here,” he said, putting the data pad down. “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t be here either.”

“I won’t,” you said quickly. “Thank you.”

You felt his eyes on you as you left and you tried to move fast enough that you got out before there was trouble but not so fast that you drew further attention to yourself. You paced yourself until you were a few hundred steps from the entrance and you broke into a run, immediately cutting down a road you hadn’t gone done before and grabbing the com link from your pocket.

“Change of plan,” you said into it quickly. “Meet me at the market we passed, east side.”

You flicked it off and shoved it into your pocket before you spotted a spout you could scale on a building. You climbed it quickly, scrambling onto the roof. You stayed put and watched as, a moment later, men from the casino came prowling down the alley. You looked around, spotting the clearest path across the roof line.

“Maker dammit,” you muttered to yourself, steeling yourself before running and jumping onto the next closest building. You stumbled, having to tuck and roll before getting back to your feet and doing it again. You were too short to be really good at this, the distance too great to be really doable for someone with legs your length. The speed you had to move with was reckless, your feet catching and sending you sprawling so much that your hands were scratched and bloodied. Eventually, the market was in view and you went to the edge of the building you were on, looking for something you could climb down. There wasn’t anything you could see, but there was an awning over the entrance to the shop you were on top of that was less than 20 feet down.

“Fuck,” you muttered, climbing over the side of the building, taking a deep breath, and letting yourself drop. You landed with a clatter on the metal, the people on the street looking up at you with shocked expressions, but you didn’t see the men from the casino. The awning, at least, was only 10 feet off the ground, and you jumped off the side of it into the only open ground you could find, pressing through the crowd and waiting until the people who’d seen your acrobatics were out of sight to pull your hood up.

Din found you a minute later, taking your elbow and pulling you onto a quiet side street.

“What in the Maker was that?” He demanded.

“I picked up a tail,” you replied with a sigh, lowering your hood. “But I think I ditched them…”

Something about his demeanor changed, his whole body suddenly rigid. You frowned as his hand slowly, gently, went to your chin. He turned your face so he could see your skin in different lights, the hand not touching you slowly clenching into a fist.

“Who did this?” He asked. You frowned deeper.

“Did what?”

“Hurt you,” it sounded as though he was straining to speak through gritted teeth. “There are bruises on your face. Who did it.”

“Oh,” you winced. “Yeah, I drew some unwanted attention just before I picked up the tail. It’s nothing, and definitely worth it because I got good intel. I have enough leverage, I think…”

“I should have gone with you,” he cut you off. You drew back, surprised. “No one would have done this if I was there.”

“I’ve had way worse than some bruising,” you said, trying to reassure him. You held up your bloodied hands. “I did worse to myself, see? Trust me. It’s worth the price. Except I’ll need some makeup to cover this with to pull off tomorrow’s plan… We’ll have to find a stand at the market and quick, I should get out of here in case the tail picks me up again.”

Din stood there, his body caging you in.

“I promise,” you said. “It’s fine.”

You ducked below his arm and put your hood back up, stopping at the first stand you found that sold makeup. You quickly made your purchase, the Mandalorian following you like a shadow, before you made your way back to your speeder and set up camp. You gathered your thoughts and your information, preparing for the next day. Your entire plan hinged on it.

***

Din was sure, now, that you’d be the end of him. It was as though you’d taken part of him for yourself, like you were walking around with a vital piece and he couldn’t do a damn thing to keep it safe anymore.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so angry as when he’d seen your bruised skin. He’d known he should have gone with you. It felt like you should be within his line of sight all the time. It was the only way to know you were safe and he needed you to be safe - more, it seemed, than he needed anything else. Certainly more than he needed sleep.

Which is how he found himself standing guard as you slept, curled up on the ground under every blanket in the pack and still shivering because you couldn’t afford to risk a fire. He’d said he’d wake you for second watch but he wasn’t going to. He needed less sleep than you did and he didn’t think he could rest right now if he tried. Just like on Hosnian Prime, someone had hurt you when he’d been so close but too far to stop it. What good was all he could do if he couldn’t keep you safe?

But you’d seemed unbothered. You slept soundly, no sign of the nightmares he knew could plague you. He’d seen your scars. He knew that you’d survived far worse than anything that had happened to you today. But you shouldn’t need to.

You were upset with him when you woke up with the sunrise but he just shrugged.

“You’re the one who has to convince the local government to provide support,” he replied. “I just have to stand there.”

“You have to get us back to the settlement,” you glared at him. “Maker knows I can’t drive through trees like that.”

He laughed.

“I’ll get us there,” he replied.

He watched you get ready, using the side of the speeder bike as a mirror to doctor your face and style your hair before changing into the dress you’d packed. He’d seen you in it once before, on the Razor Crest, when you’d climbed out of your hiding place in between crates just to prove your point. The dress had almost enraged him then but he could appreciate it now. It was quietly elegant, demanding respect while highlighting your figure. It was a dress you’d leverage as a diplomat.

Keci met you about half a click outside the gates, giving you a once over.

“You clean up well,” she said.

“Have to look the part,” you shrugged before settling into the business at hand. “Let me do all the talking unless I indicate otherwise. Keci, I’ll ask you to seal the agreement on behalf of the settlement. Mando, I probably won’t ask anything of you at all. There are going to be tense moments, I’m basically going to be blackmailing a politician. It has to be done right. I need all the control of the situation I can get so please don’t intervene.”

Keci looked concerned.

“I’ve done this many times,” you said to her gently. “Trust me. I’m going to get us what we want. You just have to let me work.”

You turned and led the way to the city.

“Can she do it?” Keci lowered her voice to him, frowning. Din looked ahead to you, carrying yourself like the queen he knew you’d stood in for.

“She can,” he said. “I’ve seen it.”

The three of you made your way to the center of the city, finding the government building with ease. No one questioned you as you just walked past the guards, head held high, almost daring anyone to stop you. Eventually, you came to the governor’s office, stopping at a desk outside his door.

“Can I help you?” The man sitting at the desk got to his feet. A few guards trailed in after the group. You had drawn some attention, after all. Just no one who was brave enough to try to stop you.

“I’m here to speak with Governor Chadik on behalf of the Bisneth Settlement,” you said.

“Do you have an appointment?” He asked, looking down at his desk.

“Urgent diplomatic matters shouldn’t require an appointment,” you replied. The man frowned.

“I’m not sure that he’s available…” he hedged. Din glanced down at you.

“If Governor Chadik would like to keep his position within the New Republic, he should become available.”

The man’s eyes shot up, looking at you, trying to call your bluff. You didn’t waver.

“Right this way,” he said, gesturing you toward the door behind him.

Keci looked to Din and he gave a stiff nod as the two of them followed behind you into the grand office. A middle-aged Balosar man sat behind his desk as his assistant came and whispered in his ear, nodding and stiffening in his seat. You gave a strong, knowing smile.

“Please,” he said as his assistant stepped back. “Come in, take a seat. Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you,” you said, stepping forward, your hands clasped in front of you. The man came out from behind his desk to meet you in the middle of the room, leaning down to kiss both of your cheeks. Din stiffened.

“Always a pleasure to hear from the settlements,” he said, gesturing to the seats at the front of his desk. You took the middle one as he went around the back. “I’m Governor Chadik, with whom do I have the pleasure?”

“Mesh’la,” you replied. Din felt his stomach clench at the sound of Mando’a on your lips, your pronunciation perfect. “I’m here with my guard, the Mandalorian, and Keci, the mayor of the Bisneth Settlement. I am here on behalf of the people of the settlement, people that are suffering on your watch.”

“Now, I’m sure that’s an exaggeration,” he began, but you cut him off.

“Governor,” you gave him an almost condescending smile. “Do you really think a New Republic emissary intervenes when there aren’t serious concerns? Do you believe the New Republic wastes time and resources on mundane, minor issues?”

“No,” he said quickly, laughing lightly. “No, of course not…”

“Good,” your smile became slightly more genuine. “I’d hate for you to not have a clear understanding of my role here. And your role, as well.”

“Of course,” he said quickly. “And I can assure you, we do everything we can to ensure the welfare of the people here…”

You held out your hand and Din handed you the data pad he had at his side.

“I am concerned, Governor,” you frowned, looking down at the data pad. “That you don’t. You certainly don’t seem to do everything in your power and you don’t seem to understand your role, either…”

“It’s a big world, Mesh’la,” he said, grinding his teeth. “I’m not saying there wasn’t something that was missed but…”

“Well then your administration has missed an awful lot,” you said. “From Bisneth Settlement alone, a dozen citizens have been taken and enslaved by Spice runners from the Zottex Spice Operation, an organization that’s recognized as a criminal syndicate galaxy wide. The operation has cut off all trade routes to the settlement, exposing citizens there to a risk of starvation. Are you intending to participate in the flesh trade, Governor?”

“No!” He sputtered before regaining his composure. “No, of course not…”

“Excellent,” you said, scrolling further on the data pad. “Can you explain why you’ve allowed this to happen on your watch?”

“The settlement is remote,” he ground is teeth. “They are largely cut off from the rest of our society, by their choice I might add. It leaves them vulnerable, there is only so much I can do with the resources available to me…”

“Of course,” you nodded kindly, cocking your head questioningly at him. “So explain the happenings right here, in your capital city.”

“Excuse me?” He said, getting to his feet. Din went to stand, but you threw an arm out, stopping him. The man’s eyes darted to the Mandalorian, metal restrained by flesh.

“He will step in if I allow it,” you said, meeting the man’s eyes. “He’s a Mandalorian. There is no hiding from him. If I say you should be taken into custody, you will be. Please, have a seat Governor.”

He ground his teeth again before dropping forcefully into his chair and leaning across the desk. He closed his eyes for a moment relaxing his jaw, before he spoke again.

“There is nothing happening in my city,” he replied.

“So you’re unaware of the illegal casino only a few blocks away from here?” You asked, bringing up an image of the fighting ring on your data pad. “The one that includes slave ring fighting, run by the Zottex Cartel? Because what it looks like to me is that you’re getting kick-backs from a Spice operation, allowing them to capture citizens, starve citizens and profit from getting your citizens addicted to an illegal substance. Is that not what’s going on?”

He looked almost murderous. Din’s hand moved to his blaster.

“Now, Governor Chadrik,” you smiled gently. “I know you’re a busy man. It would be impossible for you to know everything that was happening on your planet at any given time.”

“Of course it is,” he seethed.

“But,” you sighed. “I think, given the New Republic’s current stance on the Spice trade and the increased crack down on slavery in the Outer Rim, you’d have a hard time making it out of this with your job intact… Unless you do something to make it better.”

“What are you asking for?” He asked. His hands were in fists on his desk. You smiled broadly.

“Nothing that’s outside your capacity to give,” you replied, sliding the data pad to him. “I have drawn up this agreement between Bisneth Settlement and the Zottex Cartel. We just ask that we have the full backing of the Bakuran government in the enforcement of this agreement.”

“You really think you can get the cartel to come to an agreement with a backwater settlement,” he hissed.

“Yes,” you said smoothly. “With the right incentives. We just ask for enforcement aid, a reasonable request that you should be fulfilling anyway. Also, you end the slave fighting. We can turn a blind eye to the casino.”

“How do you expect me to get Zottex to shut down the fighting?” He demanded. You shrugged.

“That’s up to you, isn’t it?” You said. “But if you don’t want word of it to get back to the core government, you’ll make it happen. I can’t return to Coruscant and not report it if it’s still happening. Honestly, Governor, I’m doing you a favor with this offer.”

He looked at the data pad.

“I don’t have the man-power to support this level of enforcement,” he said.

“Yes you do,” you replied. “The New Republic has added 8 million credits to this world’s security budget in the last 2 years. You can afford additional forces. Unless you’d like me to examine where those funds have gone while I’m on world?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he grabbed the data pad off the desk and scrawled his signature. “You’ll never get Zottex to agree.”

“Good thing that’s not your problem then, isn’t it?” You smiled. He almost threw the data pad at you but you took it gently from his hands and handed it to Keci.

“Mayor,” you said. “Please sign on behalf of your settlement.”

She was looking at you, somewhat awed, but took the data pad and obeyed. You showed the governor before pressing a few keys.

“I just transferred a copy of this agreement to you for your records,” you said. “And, of course, we will be filing this as an official agreement with the hall of records on Coruscant. We will let you know when the agreement goes into effect. In the meantime, you have 4 days to end the slave fighting. Do you have any questions?”

He just glared at you.

“Excellent,” you smiled, handing the data pad back to Din before facing the Governor again. “It was nice to meet you, Governor Chadrik. I look forward to you fulfilling your pact with your people. Best of luck to you.”

He didn’t say anything as you led the way from the room, Din watching him until he knew he wasn’t going to shoot you.

“Maker be damned,” Keci hissed as you left the building.

“Wait until we’re the speeders,” you said quickly, your head still high as you made your way through town.

You found the bikes in the trees and Keci threw herself around your neck, laughing, almost giddy.

“I didn’t really think you could do it!” She clutched onto you. You just smiled and patted her back. “I can’t believe it, we’re going to get the help we need!”

“We’re only half way there,” you said, stepping back gently. “We still have to back Zottex into a corner.”

“I know,” she said, still smiling hugely. “But I think we can. I know we can. You’re not really an emissary from the New Republic, are you? What if he tries to get out of it?”

“And what,” you shrugged. “Sends a message to Coruscant saying ‘hey, just checking, but someone called me on my shit, can you confirm she’s with you?’ He’s going to keep this as quiet as possible. And you don’t have to be an emissary to file something with the hall of records. We can log it, it will be binding. We just have to get Zottex to sign.”

“We can,” she said quickly. “We will.”

You rode on the back of Din’s speeder, your head between his shoulders at his back, your arms around his waist, legs around his hips. He let himself enjoy the feeling of it - the feeling of someone who could bring the Governor of a planet to his knees wrapped around him.

Keci spread the word the second she was back, with what seemed like the entirety of the settlement pouring from their homes to greet you on the street as you walked back to where you were staying. Someone started playing music and you’d only made it up the path to where you were staying when someone pressed dishes of food into your hands.

“I feel bad for taking resources,” you said, sitting with your back against the wall as Din started a fire. The sun was going down, but the celebration in the streets of the settlement was just getting started but the two of you were far enough away that it was quiet, distant.

“Think you earned it. Besides, trade will start again soon,” Din said, sitting across from you. “How’s your face?”

“Fine,” you waved him off. “Barely even feel it.” You took a bite of food and closed your eyes, moaning happily. “Fuck, almost forgot what not-rations taste like. Maker, that’s good.”

Din laughed and your eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, I’m being so rude,” you said, moving out from the wall and turning to face the corner. He paused. “There, I won’t look. You should eat, it’s so good.”

He watched you for a moment. He wanted to ask you to turn back around, having more fun watching you enjoy yourself, but thought better of it. Instead, he removed his helmet and took a bite.

“You were right,” he said. “This is…”

“So good, right?” You said when he couldn’t find the words. He smiled.

“So good.”

After dinner, you strategized until it looked like you were going to collapse and Din convinced you to lie down, the faint strains of music still filtering in through the window. Again, he waited until he was sure you were asleep before he silently removed his helmet, holding you close enough that he could feel your skin until he couldn’t keep his eyes open, putting the helmet back on before falling asleep beside you.

***

The giddiness of pulling off your plan clung to you all the way back to the settlement and all evening long, the happiest it seemed you’d been in ages. It was like your whole body was burning with it, a pleasant tingling spreading through your limbs and your chest, consuming you. You’d been about ready to fall asleep sitting up with Din convinced you to lie down, something you were happier to agree to when he took his place next to you.

The feeling only seemed to grow as you slept, though, and the ache inside you deepened as you dreamed of the most stable presence in your life, all metal and soothing baritone. What it would be like to touch him, feel him, the need twisting and gnawing in your sleep.

“Mesh’la,” his voice, slightly strangled, reached you, and you woke with a gasp. You were in his arms but closer than you’d ever been. One leg was hitched over his hip, your core pressed against him, suddenly acutely aware of his hard length against you through his flight suit. His arms were around you, loosely, like he was afraid to touch you, but your chest was pressed tight against him.

“I’m…” you started, panting for breath but not fully understanding why. Your eyes searched where you knew his to be below the helmet, about to apologize when you realized that he was breathless, too.

He lifted a gloved hand, tentatively, brushing your hair back from your face. You took a deep, shaky breath, the ache between your legs growing at the feeling of him pressed against you.

“What do you want, Mesh’la?” He asked, his voice trembling. “Tell me what you want, what you need.”

You groaned quietly, pressing yourself closer to him, somehow inching you closer to relief while spreading the ache through your body.

“You,” you whispered. “I want… I need… you.”

He took the hand from your face and took yours.

“Help me take this off,” he said, still panting for breath. You obeyed, hand trembling as you pulled the glove from him. His fingers traced your hand, his skin feeling too soft for someone who lived the life he did, before running up your arm back to your face. His fingers drifted into your hair and he moaned softly, twisting in it at the base of your skull before pulling your head to his helmet and rocking his hips against you.

A strangled groan spilled from your lips as you moved against him, working yourself over him while the hand that was below your body clutched at your lower back, pressing you so tightly to him you were afraid you’d burst.

But you needed it, needed the closeness, needed to feel as much of him as you possibly could, the ache threatening to consume you otherwise. His ungloved hand eventually left your face, trailing to your chest and running over your breasts beneath your shirt, softly cupping you as he pressed his length against you harder.

His pace increased, his hand running down your body - leaving your breasts with a strangled moan - to your hip, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thigh as he pulled you closer. You knew, if you were both naked, he’d be buried inside you like this. But instead it felt like he was trying to climb inside your skin and you were desperate to let him, wanted to feel him that close to you like you’d never wanted anything else.

“Cyare,” he moaned as you clung to him, doing everything in your power to bring him closer. The hand on your leg moved again, this time slipping up your shirt to your back, his fingertips digging into you in a way that would probably hurt if you weren’t so desperate for release, for him. You moaned, biting your lip, nearing choking on the aching pleasure. “Tell me what you need… fuck, so soft…”

“Just you,” you managed, hardly able to string two words together. All you could think of was the rising pleasure, the tightness building in your core, how you weren’t sure it would be possible to ever be close enough to this man to be truly satisfied. “Please, Din…”

He thrust up against you, almost rabid with need, hitting you just right so that the band that had been tightening inside you snapped and you came with a strangled cry. He grabbed you with both hands and pulled your hips against him with all his strength, gasping as he came undone, his orgasm so powerful you could feel him throbbing through your clothes.

“Fuck, Cyare,” he moaned, all the tension leaving his body as he went limp beside you, his grip on you easing, both of you panting for breath. You stayed like that, your body against his, raw from the intensity of your release, for a few minutes. His ungloved hand shakily came to your face, cupping your cheek gently. You pressed your face into his palm, luxuriating in the fact that you were touching him, his skin. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” you said. Your voice was shaky. “Are you?”

“Yes. I’ve wanted…” he paused, his breathing straining to return to normal. He ran his fingers through your hair. “I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.”

Your hand covered his ungloved one, lacing your fingers through his and tugging his palm to your lips as press a kiss into it. His breathing stuttered again.

“Good,” you said softly. “Because I wouldn’t want to be in that alone.”

He held you close, your leg still over his hip, your face still against his helmet, until you both fell asleep again, completely wrapped up in each other.

You half expected to have dreamed it, for him to not be there when you woke, but he was. Your leg was still over him, his ungloved hand was tangled in your hair and curled around the back of your neck, his thumb gently tracing your throat, your forehead against the bottom of his helmet. The ache in you from the night before lingered beneath the surface, hazy morning light coloring the room around you a soft orange. You gently ran your fingers along his side, where his skin was only covered by his flight suit and there was no armor between you.

“Doll,” he said softly, his voice low. It made you jump, snatching your hand back into yourself for a moment before you slowly, cautiously reached back to his side. He wouldn’t be holding you like this if he didn’t want you to touch him, right?

“Yes?” You breathed, resisting the urge to move your hips against him.

“What do you want?” His voice was almost a growl, heat and desperation in it.

“I thought I’d made that clear last night,” you said, softly, slowly rocking your hips against him. He groaned.

“Good.”

His hand disentangled from your hair and almost flew to your leg, pulling it higher on his body so he could press himself closer to you. You buried your mouth in his shoulder to muffle your strangled cry as he almost viciously clung to you, the heat that had been present in your body curling between your legs. You abandoned any pretense you had, arms wrapping around him and pulling him tightly against you, your body crushing against his muscle and armor.

You couldn’t remember ever needing something - anything - the way you needed this. Like there was a fist in your chest, squeezing your heart so it threatened to burst until you found relief. The arm that was below you suddenly wrapped tightly around your waist and Din rolled onto his back, taking you with him so you were on top of him. His hands moved quickly to your hips, reminding you of how he moved when fighting - exacting, purposeful. He pulled you down against him and you almost collapsed on him from the shock of that rolled through you, the angle exposing unknowingly neglected nerves and flesh that relished in the contact.

His hands guided your movements, fingers clinging to you, working your body over his in long, full, aching strokes. You shuddered against him, your head falling weakly to his, the cool metal feeling almost as intimate as the bare skin of his hand as his fingers brushed against your exposed flesh over the top of your pants. He thrust himself up against you, fast and hard and reckless, and you groaned, pressing your lips into his covered shoulder just to put them somewhere on him.

Din’s hands left your body for a moment, just long enough to pull off the other glove and cast it aside, before slipping them below your shirt and over your skin. With a moan, he pulled you down onto him, his hips meeting yours, the feeling of his bare hands on you heady and intense.

You tried to steady yourself and have just a moment of lucidity, putting your hands on his shoulders and pushing him into the ground, leveraging yourself up and looking down at him. Your long hair was a curtain around you both and your eyes found his below his mask, feeling him there as you worked yourself against him harder, faster, your breaths coming in keening pants. His hands slid slowly up your body, the feeling of his skin on you leaving a trail of fire up your flesh. He moaned breathlessly when he reached your breasts, his soft touch standing in stark contrast to his sharp thrusts beneath you. You gasped his name as the tightness inside you neared its peak, bringing you higher and higher.

“Fuck, Mesh’la,” he moaned. “You feel… Do it, take what you need…”

You pressed yourself so hard against him it seemed like a miracle you didn’t break from it, working his hard length over your core until you came undone, your body going limp and hips stilling. His hands moved on you again, his hips still pushing up against your overwrought center, one going to the small of your back, the other wrapping around your middle, holding you so tight against him that you weren’t quite sure where you ended and he began, your whole body a raw nerve. He held onto you like you were all that mattered, the only thing keeping him alive, the only thing he’d ever needed. You felt his release overtake him, a strangled groan slipping from him as he gasped for breath and clutched you to him. You lay there, body limp on him, wondering how the fuck he could do this to you.

It’s not like you were especially experienced - you’d only ever been with one person, war and a subsequent life in hiding not exactly giving you much time for things like romance. But you weren’t a total novice, either. Sex with Dagres had been good. Not that you knew a damn thing about it but you loved him and it felt right. But it never felt like this and you hadn’t even touched him, not really. You were both still fully clothed.

“Cyare,” he said. His hand trembled as he found your face, the other slipped up your back, fingers gentle on your spine. Your lips brushed his thumb and he pulled your head to the base of his mask, sighting against you. You kissed the middle of his chest, against his armor.

“What does that mean?” You asked softly. His hand stilled in the middle of your back, his palm large and warm. He was silent. After a moment, you decided to cut him a break, fighting to ignore the pang of rejection. “We should go, we have a lot of work to do.”

***

All Din wanted was to hold onto you for a while longer. The absence of you stung as you went to get changed. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, listening as you just existed in the next room. It had been so long since he’d last touched someone but it felt like he couldn’t get close enough to you, no matter what he did. You were so soft, possibly the softest thing he’d ever held. He could almost imagine what it would be to sink into you, to feel you completely. It had been months since he’d last been with a woman and it had only ever been something quick to satisfy a need. Everything stayed on, he’d never touched someone the way he’d touched you.

When he’d woken to you pressed against him, warm and desperate in your sleep, it took him a moment to realize that it wasn’t a dream. He should have woken you up the moment he knew what you were doing. But you felt too good and it consumed him. He could only wake you up when he couldn’t take it anymore, when he was so desperate to move against you that he had no other choice.

He hadn’t meant to call you cyare. The word seemed to have slipped from him of its own accord, the only word he knew in any language that fit you.

He wasn’t sure what to do now. He signed, getting to his feet and silently leaving the house before you emerged from the bedroom and walking down the path to the settlement.

When you came down not long after, you didn’t say a word to him, barely glancing at him before finding Keci.

The next thing he knew, you were climbing the tallest tree near the center of town. Din growled and stalked over to it, standing beside Keci as she looked up at you.

“What’s she doing?” He asked, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you keep climbing, the thin branches looking like they’d barely hold your weight. But you kept climbing.

“Looking for a good siege point,” she glanced over at him. “She’s damn good.”

“I know,” he muttered, still watching you. Your foot slipped and Din jumped - ready to do what he wasn’t quite sure - but you caught yourself. You were too high up. But you held onto the tree, surveilling the area before climbing back down, dropping beside Keci and landing deftly on your feet from more than 10 feet up.

“I think I have it,” you said, nodding to her. “If we set up the meeting hall to withstand a siege, we can put the most vulnerable in there. We can work with the landscape around the outskirts and we’ll only need a few well-placed explosives. We can force them through a funnel point, have the defensible siege location. Once we pin them down, we can capture one or two major players and force the agreement.”

She nodded.

“We have about two dozen strong fighters,” Keci said. “A handful more who are decent marksmen if we set them back…”

“If we can make sure their numbers don’t overwhelm us,” you said. “I think that will be enough. But we need to force them into the funnel.”

“On it,” Keci said, making for the central part of the settlement. You watched her go for a moment before glancing at him.

“Yes?” You asked, voice cool.

“Can you try harder to not get yourself killed?” He grumbled.

“Sorry, Mando,” you said. “Wasn’t aware you cared.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say. Instead, he just watched you leave.

#fanfic #mandalorian fanfic #enemies to friends to lovers #din djarin #smut fic #slow burn #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #the mandalorian x female reader

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ventingfanfics · 1 year

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Angst story where reader makes Shuri mad cause I seen a lot talking abt reader being mad

Angst one-shot

Nakia joined Shuri on the sand. They shared soft smiles.

“Now is the time that you tell me why you’re really here, aside from seeing your nephew,” the older of the two spoke.

Shuri looked slighted. “There’s gotta be another reason?” She received a knowing expression in response. “I can’t just be a good aunt?”

Nakia chuckled. Shuri had in fact been spoiling Touissant with gifts and quality time. There was an unmistakable bond between them that grew each week.

“It’s not about your aunt duties. It’s about you not mentioning Y/N. I haven’t heard you say anything about her all day.”

“It’s only been a day…” Shuri backed down, however, when Nakia gave her a smirk that said she wasn’t buying any of it. “Okay, fine. We had a fight—not a physical one, you can relax. But the short of it is, she thinks I don’t want her to have a life.”

“Hmm?” Nakia was wildly confused. That didn’t sound right at all.

“Yeah,” Shuri said, sighing. “She calls herself paying me back for working long hours by going out every weekend. All I said was you can’t cancel this one thing just to have dinner with me? Do I need to start scheduling dates with you in advance? Because you’re always booked!”

Flashback to Yesterday

“Now, you know you have a lot of nerve, Shuri. You are the one who is always booked in that damned lab! On the weekends I want to do more than cuddle. I want to go out! I want to have a good time with my friends, meet people, and be outside! You never want any parts of it, so I made it easier for both of us. But the one time you do want to go out, I’m supposed to drop everything?”

Shuri could hardly believe what she was hearing. “I didn’t know wanting to take my girlfriend out would be such an inconvenience for you. Have you not been going to the club and parties for weeks straight? Every time I asked you if wanted to do something, what did you say? You already had plans. Damn, you can’t fit me in for one Saturday?”

“No, what about all the Saturdays you had me thinking we were going out only to flake! The Saturday you just so happened to finally want to be social with your girlfriend, I said my friends were having their housewarming…-“

“Which thanks for asking me if I wanted to come!”

“Shuri, how many times did I invite you to things and you never wanted to go? Unless if it’s your event or something, you’re never interested. At the end of the day, all you care about is that stupid lab.”

You could see that you had now struck a nerve in Shuri. She stood from her chair with so much force that it railed against the wall. “Take that back.”

You shook your head with a scornful laugh. “That’s my entire point, it’s all you care about!”

“No, the lab is all you care about. You can’t keep it out your mouth and you are letting it ruin us!” She pointed angrily.

“You don’t get to put this on me! If you knew you wouldn’t have time or wanna have time for a relationship, you should have never entered into one.”

“No, maybe, I should have never entered into one with you.”

That almost knocked you over but you refused to crumble before her. Instead you decide to hit her back. “You may find someone else, but they too will eventually see that dating the Queen of Wakanda is not all it’s cracked to be.”

End flashback

Nakia gasped. “She said that?”

Shuri put on a smile as she sniffled and quickly wiped her eyes.

“You know she didn’t mean that,” Nakia tried to assure. “She’s only ever spoken highly of your relationship, and happiness doesn’t lie. That was the hurt talking. I mean, you did suggest that you shouldn’t have gotten with her.”

“I…I think I really messed up, Nakia.”

Toussaint took a break from his friends, staring at his aunt who was clearly emotional and being consoled by his mother.

He raced over there. “Aunt Shuri, who did this to you?”

Nakia smiled at her son. “She got some sand in her eye…” she answered when Shuri took a beat.

“Don’t insult my nephew’s intelligence like that,” Shuri found her voice.

“Yeah, mama, I can tell that it’s something serious,” Touissant agreed. “I ask again, who.did.this.to.you?" His stare was unwavering on the princess while she gazed at him in awe.

“Your father would be so proud of you.” She smiled as he embraced her tightly, huffing out a laugh when he pointed out that she and Nakia tell him this daily. She patted for him to sit down. “Don’t give us any reasons not to. But, little man, sometimes couples get into disagreements, and I am in one now.”

“With Y/N? Tomorrow is not promised, so try to make it right today.”

Shuri and Nakia exchanged looks.

“Please don’t cry again,” Touissant groaned.

“We won’t cry, we will listen,” Nakia replied, casting a look at Shuri and holding her hand.

A tearful Shuri nodded with a smile that held promise. The three family members went indoors and Shuri excused herself to the room she’d been staying in. Her leg bobbed up and down as she considered how she wanted to approach this conversation. You had made her so angry. But more than anything, you made her sad. And this wasn’t normally so. Typically, you brought an unrivaled joy to her life.

You were the reason that the love songs she’d been singing along to for years were now her reality. You were the partner she wanted to build with, grow old with, and possibly have a Touissant of your own with. It wasn’t always Wakanda that motivated her. You also were her boost.

When Shuri felt a little more at ease about having this conversation, she called you. She was bit surprised when you answered off the first ring. “Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Shuri. Are you well?”

“I am okay, I am still with Nakia and Touissant.”

“I know you know this already, but I’m home.”

“I thought you’d be at your friend’s mother’s birthday party.”

“I didn’t feel up to it.”

Shuri didn’t have to guess why. This was confirmation that you were just as affected by this mess between you. “Baby, I’m sorry. I did one of the things I hate, which is to speak so freely when I am frustrated, but the truth is, you are the only one I want to be with. I can’t even entertain the thought of being with another.”

You smiled to yourself at her heartfelt admission. “I knew you didn’t mean those things, however, it still hurt to hear you say them. But I think that was both our intention in that moment, to hurt each other. I want to apologize too. I should’ve never called your lab stupid. I know your lab and the work you do overall is important to you. It’s important to me too. And honestly, it’s one of the reasons I fell for you. Not necessarily because you’re Queen—an amazing one at that, but I love being with someone who values their country. It’s beautiful to see. And I want you to feel supported by me, not stressed. When I was going crazy over not seeing you as much, it’s only because that’s how much I like having you around, that’s how special you are to me…”

Your words soothed Shuri, calming her, making her feel you in her bones. “Y/N, you are so precious, and yes, I am passionate about my duties and leadership, but that does not mean that I should take you for granted. You are so good to me, and I need to do a better job of appreciating you. I know you are just as much as a prize, but no one can have you but me.”

“You know I love it when you get territorial,” you said, amusing her.

“I love it when you tell me what you love about me.” Her voice was a touch lower but closer.

“Are you flirting with me Shuri Udaku?”

She laughed. “Is it working? Because I want to take you out on a date. And then I want to have fun afterwards, at any place of your choosing.”

“Just tell me what time I should be ready.”

Shuri smiled like she did the first time you held conversation. She could not make it home to you soon enough.

#shuri x reader #shuri angst #shuri x you #shuri x y/n #shuri imagine #shuri fanfiction #black panther imagine #black panther fanfiction #marvel fanfic writer #princess shuri #queen shuri #wakanda forever #mcu fanfiction #mcu shuri #reader imagine #reader request

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jahayla-parker · 5 months

Text

You Are The Sun : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Part 3

2.1k wc

Previous parts can be found here.

Nikolai slipped by the mingling guests, his dress coat rubbing against the backs of a few unobservant men as he quickly squeezed past them on his way to the door. He hastily walked into the hall, eyes instantly scanning for the person he’d not seen in the last few minutes. Upon seeing her down the far end of the hallway, standing in the small nook in the corner as she stared out of the window, he sighed. He quietly made his way over to y/n and stood beside her. “I'm here,” Nikolai whispered, having observed the distant gaze in her eyes the moment he saw her. “You can talk to me or not talk to me. But, I'm here,” he spoke. As much as he cherished y/n's happy outlook on life and how kind she was to everyone, he could only imagine the burden it took to uphold that in moments like this when he could see she so clearly wanted to just feel whatever it was she was feeling.

Y/n hesitated but slowly turned to face Nikolai, her eyes promptly meeting his worried ones. She gave him a soft smile and nodded in appreciation before looking back outside. “It would take hours to explain," she said, declining his offer.

“I would listen to you for however many hours it would take,” Nikolai promised, grabbing y/n’s hand. He felt her stiffen and just as he went to let go of her hands he saw a tear fall from her eyes. “Y/n?” He asked, voice breaking lightly. He couldn’t think of a time he’d actually seen her like this.

Y/n shook her head and wiped her tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Shh, no,” Nikolai corrected. “Don’t apologize for whatever you’re feeling,” he requested. “But, …do you mind telling me what it is you’re feeling?”

Y/n took a shaky breath as she used her free hand to dry her face. With a squeeze of his hand, she turned towards Nikolai bravely. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course y/n/n,” Nikolai encouraged.

Y/n swallowed thickly. “Why…,” she paused briefly before restarting, “why did you want to encourage me to consider the male guests as possible romantic candidates?” Y/n feared his answer. But she needed to hear it. Maybe if she was lucky, it would help her move on easier.

"You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else,” Nikolai said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. Which to him it was. He’d watched y/n love everyone, even people he wasn’t sure were still deserving of even the bare minimum of decency. It pained him to know that she’d have a hard time finding someone worthy of her love who would cherish it the way they should and reciprocate it properly. He had no doubt she had her fair share of potential suitors, this was y/n they were talking about after all. But, Nikolai knew she deserved more than that. He wanted more than that for her. I mean, she was his best friend, he’d give her the world if he could.

“I-…” y/n faltered. “I don’t-… I don’t under…”

Nikolai smiled softly, his thumb caressing y/n’s cheek slowly. “Y/n, I had never met anyone whose soul was brighter than the sun until I met you,” he complimented. “I swear you have the literal sun inside your smile and an endless supply of love for everyone you meet. You deserve to have that reciprocated.”

I only want it reciprocated if it’s reciprocated by you, Nikolai. She thought to herself. Y/n silently shook her head as she looked away again.

“Why don’t you believe me?“ Nikolai asked, slightly frustrated.

Maybe because my sister is the actual Sun Summoner, and I’m just me? She thought. “If I told you about the darkness inside of me… you wouldn’t still look at me like that” y/n answered vaguely.

Nikolai squinted at her and sighed. “Y/n, there’s nothing about you that could make me see you as anything less than the bright light you are,” he argued cautiously.

Y/n squeezed her eyes shut. “Nikolai.. I…,” she began, her shaky breath interrupting her, “I can’t-…”

“Can’t what?” Nikolai whispered. “Darling, please talk to me, let me help,” he pleaded.

Y/n guiltily shook her head and turned to leave but Nikolai grabbed her wrist softly.

Nikolai carefully turned y/n back to him. “What is it that my absurdly talented best friend thinks she can’t do?” He inquired warmly.

Y/n instinctively glanced at Alina down the hallway, taking in the way Alina was dressed head to toe in the trademark Lantsov colors as she looked for her betrothed. She fought against her tears as she looked back to her best friend. “I can’t compete,” y/n accepted.

Nikolai squinted as his head tilted to the side faintly. “Compete?” He questioned breathily. “Who in Saint’s sake are you having to compete with?” He asked, but his eyes noticed her gaze was stuck staring at something to the side of him. Nikolai slowly tracked Y/N’s eye-line back to Alina. “Your sister?” He wondered, feeling like he was starting to get to the bottom of what had been troubling her. “Y/n,” he cooed tenderly.

“I just…” y/n shook her head. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” she said, her guilt audible. “I - she- she’s great, just for-forget what I-“.

“No”. Nikolai took hold of y/n’s hand by slipping his hold down her wrist to her hand. He laced their fingers together and led them through the nearest door. He kept his eyes on her as he guided them to a secluded bench beside the gardens. It was far enough away that hopefully y/n felt she could actually let down her guard.

It took a moment of silence for Nikolai to try to find how to bring it back up. But, as he opened his mouth to do so, he heard her stifle a cry.

Nikolai swallowed a gasp and shifted on the bench to face her better. “Talk to me, please?”he pleaded in a hushed voice. “Why… why do you feel you’re competing wi-“ Nikolai began.

“She’s stolen everything from me,” Y/n gushed out before crying guiltily. She sighed and wiped angrily at her tears, stopping only because Nikolai’s hands pulled hers down from her face.

“It’s not her fault, she’s just magnetic like that,” Y/n shrugged. “She doesn’t mean to, but she…,” she shook her head again. “I… it’s selfish, Nikolai,” she confessed, peaking a glance at him only to see him watching her softly. “But I... I can’t lose you too. I’ve fought to-“

“Y/n, you are not losing me,” Nikolai interrupted. He felt bad for cutting y/n off, but he had to let her know how absurd that idea was to him.

“But I will!” Y/n whimpered.

Nikolai frowned and reached out to pull y/n to him, but stopped when she shook her head. “Y/n/n, -,” he sighed.

“It always goes this way!” Y/n defended. “In the orph… when we were kids… ev-everyone was drawn to her, and I get it,” she rambled breathily, “she’s… well, you know…” “And I’m, well, you know,” y/n echoed despite the contrasting implications of the repeated statements.

“No,” Nikolai protested, “I don’t know.” He shook his head slowly as he tried to make sense of y/n’s vague language.

“Don’t make me say it,” y/n groaned.

Nikolai frowned. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, “but you are going to need to say it.” “I have no insight as to what it is you’re getting at.”

“She’s The Sun Summoner and I’m just me,” y/n clarified.

“I don’t follow,” Nikolai confessed, brows scrunched.

“Nikolai,” y/n scolded. “Don’t act dense, that only makes it worse.” She shrugged half-heartedly. “I know what everyone sees in her. I always knew there was something. All of my friends pulled her way. Even.. even Mal had once been both of our friends..” she reminisced. “That is until he started to only spend his time with Alina”.

Nikolai’s lips parted in surprise. “Y/n, that Is not going to happen, you are always going to be an important part of my life,” he promised. “You-“

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” y/n muttered defeatedly.

Nikolai used his thumb to guide Y/n’s chin until she was looking at him. “But I can keep this, and I will. I swear to you, you won’t lose me,” he vowed.

“But I will,” y/n argued stubbornly as she tried to memorize Nikolai’s eyes. “A-and I can’t even be mad about it. Because I get it,” she admitted.

“I don’t,” Nikolai rebutted. “What…?” He huffed. “What are you-?”

Y/n’s head whipped away from Nikolai as she turned her eyes to the trickling water feature a few meters away. “She’s the freaking Sun Summoner, Nikolai!” She all but shouted. “How am I to compete with that?” Y/n asked rhetorically. “Why would anyone choose to waste any energy even being friends with me when she exists?!”

Nikolai frowned as his chest tightened and his stomach cramped. He tenderly cupped Y/n’s face and made her look at him. “She may be The Sun Summoner, but you, my love, are the sun,” Nikolai commented delicately. He felt y/n try to shake her head within his caressing hold. "You are the sun. Bright, kind, and beautiful. The world needs you. I need you,” he stated.

Y/n’s lips curled up faintly in appreciation and she set her hands on top of Nikolai’s. “I appreciate that, I do,” she promised. “But you’ll find you don’t, not in t-“.

“You were, and are, the sunshine during my darkest days, you're the coffee that I need in the morning, you're my sunshine when the rain is pouring, you’re-,” Nikolai blushed, the crimson tint reaching the tips of his ears as he realized he was rambling. “Y/n,” he spoke evenly as he calmed himself down, “you know what they say about the meaning of the sun, hmm?” Without waiting for y/n to answer, Nikolai answered the rhetorical question himself. “The sun is a daily reminder that we too can rise again from the darkness, that we too can shine our own light. Just like you have. That’s what your spirit, your presence, reminds me of, daily, but especially when times are hard,” he complimented. “Alina may be able to summon the sun,” Nikolai acknowledged, tilting y/N’s head upwards when she looked at her lap. “But, you are it, you don't need to summon anything. You just are.”

Y/n smiled through her tears as she let her eyes meet Nikolai’s. She allowed herself the pleasure of leaning into his palm as he wiped her tears from her cheeks. “Th-thank-“ she began quietly.

“Don’t you dare thank me,” Nikolai warned, only slightly joking. “Not for simply speaking the truth,” he hummed.

Y/n giggled lightly and moved to rest her head on Nikolai’s shoulder. She felt him wrap his arm around her to keep her close to him. She trusted his words. Even though the doubt lingered deep in her, given her past experiences, she trusted Nikolai. She trusted him in a way she trusted no one else. So she had no choice but to trust him on this too. If Nikolai said she’d not lose his friendship, he would truly try to see that through, that much she knew. It wasn’t an outright guarantee, but Nikolai setting his mind to something was pretty damn close to one. Nevertheless, y/n couldn’t help but recognize the fact that the moments like this one though, them enjoying time alone, sitting so close they were actually touching, -that would surely change. Even if the whole world knew that Nikolai’s marriage to y/n’s sister was purely political, y/n wouldn’t let herself appear to be the other woman; and she knew Nikolai wouldn’t either, he was far too protective and caring of y/n to allow for that. Not that it mattered, as he’d have to reciprocate her feelings for it to even be of any concern.

Without moving her head off Nikolai’s shoulder, y/n lifted her eyes up and to the side to see if she could read his eyes in hopes of detecting what he was thinking about. Only, she ended up catching him staring at her. They were under a gloriously beautiful night sky, one full of vibrant stars, and yet, he was staring at her. The notion almost made her slip into a false belief that maybe he had the same thoughts she had at that moment. But y/n knew better. She might not lose him as a friend, but she’d still never have him as anything more; she never have him as a lover.

Nikolai watched y/n closely as he silently walked her to her bedroom door. He found that he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her tonight. Not that his eyes were ever really off of y/n for very long. But, to be fair, she was his best friend and made him smile; so why wouldn’t he always look her way?

Y/n gave Nikolai a warm smile and squeezed his arm appreciatively. “Night Nik,” she hummed.

Nikolai nodded and smiled back, his eyes tracing her facial features. “Goodnight y/n,” he replied peacefully.

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threehuskiesinatrenchcoat · 5 months

Note

Well well well, we‘re back at it again.

You‘ve seen a big part of this before bc I can’t keep this shit from you, it’s a bit embarrassing ngl lmao. I finished it now tho!

The rest of it is on ao3 bc I refuse to post smut on here. Do others do it? Yea. Have I read it? Yea. I won‘t tho. I wanna be able to show my blog to friends, sorry. Can‘t have horny mfs on there for that /hj

This drabble is inspired by the John Wick movie-verse. people r legit sleeping that one

For easy access imma give y’all the link for the series real quick (and yes, I made it into a series, so any and all comments on later chapters r lost but it’s easier to navigate now, hopefully):

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3828004

Enjoy!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Vargas was looking at him, all half-lidded eyes and contemplative smirk and it was driving him insane. They’d been at the bar for about an hour now, low lights dancing through the room, bathing it in a dizzying mix of pinks and blues, drinks flowing freely for everyone around them. Phillip knew this wasn’t the moment to get drunk, though. The mission to infiltrate the club and keep an eye on their mark had priority, no matter how much attention his mission partner was showering him with.

“If you’re not careful, someone’s gonna see the way you look at me”, he mumbled into his drink, surveying the dancefloor. Their mark wasn’t as far away as just a minute ago, making her way towards the bar they were sitting at. It was an opportunity, but he needed the Mexican to keep a cool head if he wanted it to work.

“What if I want them to see? The type of rumours it could spark…” The other’s taunting grin irritated him and he shot him a frosty glare.

“It won’t be as fun when the families get involved, believe me.” He ignored Vargas’ dismissive scoff and noted the mark’s position just two seats over. Honestly, there were better ways to spend a Saturday night, but the woman had dirt on high-ranking members of both their families. Discretion was needed and goodwill had to be shown, hence the involvement from both families – no one could secure the information to use it against the other later. Of course, it was Phillip’s luck to get paired with Vargas. Their continued shared work in the past, if reluctant, had proven successful and success was all their families needed right now. Personal vendettas were of no importance in this, never mind any other kind of previous mingling.

With a last warning look towards the other, who rolled his eyes and ordered another drink, he turned around, acting surprised at seeing the young woman close to them. He smiled charmingly when he caught her eye and feigned interest. “What’s a fine-looking lady like you doing here. We haven’t met before, have we?”

She seemed a bit suspicious of him, but smiled nonetheless, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, revealing a glittering earring. “I don’t think we have, no.”

“That sounds about right. I’d remember a woman as stunning as you. I’m Jason by the way, it’s nice to meet you,” he drawled, putting on his Southern charm and holding out his hand. He didn’t like leaning into it, but many people outside the South liked it enough for him to use it again and again.

She gingerly took his offered hand, shook it once and they got talking. Marienne was French and had studied computer science, she owned a small poodle and had a sister. Phillip nodded and smiled along despite knowing all of it already. There was nothing new she could tell him except where she had hidden the information she had hacked their databases for. He would find out, one way or another, the pressure of his gun against his back where he had tucked in into his waistband a welcome reassurance.

Marienne smiled at him again as she leaned forward, asking him to come home with her for the night. It went just as he had hoped it would, but before he could agree, a hand landed on his hip, making him lose his train of thought as Alejandro stood right beside them, eyeing the woman. Graves’ heartbeat synced with the song‘s bass reverberating through the club, heat spreading from where their bodies touched. He must’ve been listening in to their conversation and gotten up when he heard her request. Something dark glimmered in his eyes and Phillip had a bad feeling about it.

The Mexican looked her up and down and then spoke, voice rough and dangerous. “I didn’t think you would want to get back at me that badly. Is she supposed to make me jealous? You can do better.” It was clear he was talking to Phillip despite looking at their target. Graves was speechless; partially out of surprise, partially out of anger. Couldn’t Vargas take the mission serious for even a moment? This was a huge opportunity he was ruining, as the woman looked from him to Phillip and back again, a sliver of apprehension and fear in her eyes.

She was starting to stand up. He had to save this somehow. Standing as well, he forcefully, if discreetly, removed the other’s hand from his hip and pushed him away as inconspicuously as possible. “He’s joking, I’m not with him.” He smiled reassuringly at her and winked. “Why don’t we get outta here, it’s getting late.” She nodded, but was hesitant about it. Graves slipped a tracker into her handbag while she was distracted by Alejandro still only a few feet away from them. It turned out to have been the right decision, as the other grabbed Phillip’s hand still keeping him in place and brought it up to his mouth to kiss the inside of his wrist.

“Oh please, you can drop the act. My attention is all yours.” He practically growled the last words, sending a shiver down Graves’s spine. This was not the plan. Their target took that moment to give a hasty goodbye and vanish into the crowd. Angry, the American turned towards his assigned partner and glared at him. The bar was more populated now, so he ripped his hand out of the other’s and seized his arm, steering Vargas outside and into a nearby alley.

“What the fuck was that? We almost had her!” Alejandro just grinned and Phillip’s blood started to boil. He pushed the other up against the dirty wall of the alley, the suit’s lapels clutched in his fists and his own nose just a few centimetres away from the Mexican’s. With bared teeth, he had to hold himself back from pulling a knife and getting rid of the nuisance in his grasp. “Why can’t you behave like the professional you’re supposed to be for one evening.”

WELL WELL WELL dw dw ily and i would be offended if you _didn't_ give me spoilers to chew on sjhgfdjsfhgsdf >:)

with that i can finally post this thing i drew for it!!! yay

yall, go read the whole thing NOW as usual im losing my mind and screaming and crying and everything in-between im gonna bite my laptop in half and it's gonna be YOUR fault sir

#cod mw2 #call of duty #phillip graves #alejandro vargas #alegraves #johnwickau

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imfrom-neptune · 2 months

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Rambly brain dump

I’m probably venting actually idk

Maybe don’t read this I just need to put it somewhere

I don’t think I realized that all the shit that happened just genuinely wasn’t as funny as I thought it was

Like it was happening and I was like “lmao my dad broke in a window tryna get into my house”. But let’s be real. My dad broke in a window tryna get into my house. What?? That happened to me? I was supposed to go to a concert that night. I missed it because I was helping to clean up glass and keep my siblings entertained. My dad broke a window.

I freak out when cars pass by my window and get nervous when people knock in the door cause it reminds me of the night my dad had cops shine lights through our windows at 4am trying to see if we were home. And the stupidest thing is no, my mom wasn’t home. I was alone and I had to be brave and deal with that by myself. Because she stayed out with her boyfriend and was too much of a coward to come back and keep me safe.

I stayed up until 5am packing up and moving and leaving my entire life behind. I live in a little house with a tiny pull out bed and a toy box as a bedside table. I packed my shit up while my mom was throwing away my things and yelling at me for not being able to carry things that were too heavy. I still packed my things and I still ended up in this sad little house and I still left my safe place and I can’t ever go back. That home belongs to someone else. That place isn’t mine anymore.

And this doesn’t even only apply to things that happened during the divorce.

I had to have been like six at most, and my mom had my mouth tapped shut while I cried in a corner.

I’ve been locked out on my front porch at least three times. I was maybe 12.

My mom has been throwing out my things for years. It started with toys when I “misbehaved”, and now it’s things that actually matter to me. She broke into my fucking locker thing just to get into my personal stuff and throw it all away. And then she had the nerve to deny it. She threw away my art because she didn’t like it. She took away the apps I needed to make YouTube videos because she didn’t like them. Everything I’ve ever told her I liked, she’s always found a way to ruin.

When my parents found out I was queer they yelled at me about it for hours. Punished me for it. Told me I could tell anyone I wanted but no one would ever believe me. And y’know what? I told my Opa and he believed me. They’re probably half the reason I was so scared to tell him. But guess fucking what? They were wrong. And now they want me to believe they’re soooo supportive? Fuck that.

In 7th grade I was (for lack of a nicer way to say it-) very suicidal and I struggled slightly with hurting myself. Ofc I didn’t hurt myself in a way that mattered, I don’t even have scars anymore, but regardless. They found out about this, and punished me for that too. I literally wanted to be dead, thought I deserved it, and they grounded me for it. Didn’t help me at all. Just made me feel worse about it. I got myself clean and I made myself want to be alive again. They didn’t do anything for me.

I’ve been hit for things I shouldn’t have been. Sometimes I made the mistake of fighting back. I haven’t been hit since the divorce, cause y’know, they want me to like them. But I used to be hit all the time and I’m now realizing how scary that really is.

I’ve been threatened to have cops called on me. I’ve been threatened to be abandoned. I’ve been threatened to be killed.

I’ve been told straight up that my mother regrets me. Which is the funniest (or, maybe not funniest?) thing because I was literally unplanned. Though my mom refuses to admit it, I did the math, and my dad told me. We all know.

And I guess I just find it easier to play it like a joke. But it’s sorta hit me over the past two weeks that it actually affected me and I actually have problems because of it. It’s not funny. I may have had a childhood full of toys but I also had yelling outside my door at late night hours.

And I just played it as a joke because I didn’t know what else to do. Now it’s too late to be upset about it. It’s all happened and now I’ve gotta grow up and pretend it didn’t. I didn’t get the good parents. And I can’t do anything about it.

and it’s so scary cause if they can fake 20 years of love, what does that say about me? I’m both of them in one. I’m every bad thing they’ve done, put together. I’m a result of those mistakes. Am I designed to be as bad as they are? Cause I desperately want to be nothing like them.

I wish none of this ever happened to me. I remember too much and at the same find half of my memory is blank. I don’t know why I deserved this, and it makes it so hard to believe I didn’t. Why would such bad things happen to me if I didn’t deserve it? I did it all by myself for what reason?

#vent post #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #shitty parents

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geekfanficwriter · 2 years

Text

Caught Somewhere in Time- Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader Part 5/?

Summary: You end up in the 80s, 20 years earlier than it should be luckily a certain metalhead is about to make your time in the 80s much easier. Words: 2.3k Warnings: SMUT (18+ minors dni), Oral (m! receiving), dirty talk, soft dom! Eddie, praise kink

Part 4 Part 6

Masterlist

Author’s Note: The next 2 parts are mostly smut so if you’re not into that I’ve marked where the smut begins and ends or you can skip them as they don’t add too much to the plot.

April 13th, 1984

You awoke in the morning with Eddie's arms wrapped around you from behind. Nothing else had happened between the two of you after you had spoken. Instead, the two of you spent the rest of the evening talking until you both fell asleep. It had been nice. You had felt like there was no expectation from him that anything would happen between the two of you. He had been kind and sweet the whole time. You looked at the clock on his bedside table and saw it was an hour until school started. You turned round in Eddie’s arm to face him, he looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. You didn’t understand how anyone could find him intimating, he was one of the only people who made you feel safe despite everything that had happened to you. ‘Eddie, wake up.’ You said shaking him lightly. He groaned in response, wrapping his arms tighter around you. ‘Come on, we have school.’ He didn’t respond just nuzzled his head into your neck. ‘Eddie, come on.’ ‘Let’s just stay home today.’ He finally spoke, looking at you with a grin on his face. ‘No, we have to go to school.’ You tried to get up but Eddie kept his arms wrapped tightly around you. ‘Why don’t we just stay in today?’ He said leaning over and kissing you on your neck. ‘Eddie, come on.’ ‘Babe, come on.’ He teased back. He flipped you over so you were on your back and hovered over you, leaning down to kiss you lightly on the lips. ‘My uncle’s in the city right now, we can just spend the day together.’ ‘As nice as that sounds, we can’t.’ ‘Why not? We’ll just be doing the same shit we do every day.’ He moved down, kissing you again on the neck while moving his hand up to grab your breast. ‘It’ll be nice to spend the day, just you and me.’ Eddie moved his head down, kissing between your breasts, as his hand continued to squeeze you. ‘You make a very convincing argument.’ You breathed out, his movements turning you on. ‘I guess one day isn’t too big a deal.’ ‘That’s my girl.’ He said, resting his head on your chest. Your stomach fluttered at his words. Did he really just call you, ‘my girl’? ‘Now come on.’ He stood up and pulled you out of bed. ‘I thought we were staying in bed.’ You grumbled. You wanted to stay in bed now, you wanted him. ‘I’m hungry. We can go back to bed after breakfast.’ He dragged you through to the kitchen before turning to look at you. ‘Have I told you how good you look in my pyjamas?’ He said fiddling with the waistband of his pyjama pants that you were wearing, having changed into them at some point the night before, not wanting to sleep in your jeans. ‘Not as good as you look.’ It was true, he looked great, just wearing his pyjama pants and no shirt. You couldn’t believe a guy this hot wanted anything to do with you. ‘So, food.’ You walked over to the fridge and bent over to look in. You felt a hand hit your ass, causing you to jump up. ‘Eddie!’ You yelled, hitting him lightly on the chest. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t help it.’ He had a big grin on his face as he took you into his arms, laughing. ‘I think the only thing I have is eggs and bacon. Is that okay?’ ‘Yeah, but I’m cooking. I don’t trust you.’ You grabbed the food out of the fridge as Eddie grabbed a pan, placing it on the stove. ‘Scrambled or fried? ‘ You asked walking over to the stove. ‘Scrambled, please.’ Eddie wrapped his arms around you from behind.

After breakfast the two of you climbed back into bed, falling asleep pretty soon after. You woke up around lunch, getting up to order a pizza which you were currently sitting in bed eating. ‘Sorry but Friday the 13th is way better than Halloween.’ You said, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box in between you two. ‘You’re wrong, Halloween has a much better plot.’ ‘Friday the 13th has a better setting. Who doesn’t love a slasher set in the woods? It’s literally the perfect setting.’ ‘I think I’m going to stop hanging out with you in the woods.’ He joked. ‘You have pizza sauce on your face.’ ‘Where?’ You said wiping your mouth. ‘Right here.’ He said leaning over and kissing you on the lips. ‘Eddie Munson, you are a massive cheese ball.’ You smiled, leaning back over to kiss him. ‘It’s you making me this way.’ He pushed the now empty pizza box off the bed and pulled you over so were sitting on his lap.

———— ‘You are amazing.’ He placed his hand on your hips as you lean down to kiss him, placing your hands on his shoulder and playing with the ends of his hair. You felt his tongue slip into your mouth and you pulled yourself closer to him, moving your hips forward. You heard him moan into your mouth at the feeling of your hips against his. You rolled your hips again against his growing cock in his pyjamas, wanting to hear him moan again. ‘Fuck, baby.’ He groaned, pulling away slightly, your forehead still resting on his. ‘You don’t know what you to do me.’ ‘I think I can guess.’ You moved your hand down between the two of you, lightly brushing your hand against him. He groaned in response to your movements, turning you on in the process. You pressed your lips against his, moving the hand that was between the two of you up to his chest. You felt his hands move up your back, undoing your bra and pulling it off. His hands moved to your chest, grabbing your breasts and pushing them together. You moaned at the feeling of his cold rings against your skin. ‘Is this okay?’ He asked against your mouth. You nodded in response moving your head down to kiss his chest. You pressed light kisses against his chest, moving your head down further. You placed more kisses on his stomach, sliding your hands in his boxers and wrapping your hand around him, his moans encouraging you. You kept kissing his stomach moving your head further down until you reached the waistband of his pyjamas. You took his waistband in your hand going to pull them down before you felt his hands on top of yours. ‘You don’t have to do that.’ He looked down at you, genuine concern in his eyes. ‘Eddie, I want to do this.’ He nodded, removing his hands from yours, permitting you to continue. You adjusted your grip on his waistband, pulling down both the pyjamas and boxers at the same time, leaving him completely naked. He was big, you knew he was big from having him in your hand earlier but now you could see him, he seemed even bigger than you expected. You licked a strip up the base of his cock before pressing a kiss to his tip and taking him into your mouth. Eddie let out a moan, his hands coming down as he wrapped his hands in your hair. You continued, taking him deeper into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. ‘Fuck, baby. That feels so good.’ He gripped your hair even tighter, the pain turning you on. You moved your head up and down as you swirled your tongue around him. You moved so your body was positioned over his leg, grinding down trying to relieve some of the pressure between your own legs as you continued to bob your head up and down. ‘Such a good girl. Getting yourself off on my leg while sucking my cock.’ His words caused you to moan, the sound muffled by the cock in your mouth. You took him as far as you could into your mouth, sucking and swirling your tongue around him. ‘I’m gonna cum, babe.’ He moaned, you pulled your head up so just the head of his cock was in your mouth. You moved your tongue around his tip before feeling him cum into your mouth, moaning your name. You took your mouth off him, swallowing before placing a kiss on the area above his softening cock. You rested your head on his stomach listening to his deep breaths. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you up to meet his lips, kissing you hard. ‘You’re so hot.’ He mumbled against your lips. ‘So, so hot.’ He pushed you on your back so he was on top of you and leaned down to kiss your neck. His knee pushed up against your core as he kissed your neck. You groaned at the feeling of one of his hands moving up, pinching at your nipple. He moved his other down, slipping it into your underwear and rubbing your clit, causing you to let out a loud moan. His mouth moved down sucking the skin at the top of your breast as his hand moved up and down, teasing you. ‘Eddie, please.’ You whined, his fingers rubbing around your hole. ‘What do you want baby?’ He asked, as one hand continued to tease you while the other rubbed your nipple. ‘Please, touch me, Eddie.’ You moaned. You felt one of his fingers enter you, moaning his name as he moved it in and out, before adding a second finger. ‘You’re so wet.’ He moved his mouth down the breast that he didn’t have his hand on, flicking your nipple with his tongue before taking it fully into his mouth as his fingers continued to move in and out of you. You moaned as his thumb moved up to rub your clit. The feeling was overwhelming, you felt your legs start to shake as your orgasm built up. You felt his teeth graze your nipple, lightly biting you as you moaned loudly. You yelled his name loudly as you came, his fingers slowing down as you felt yourself come down from your orgasm. He pulled his fingers out of you and moved them up, holding them in front of your mouth. ‘Open.’ You did as he asked and he slipped his fingers into his mouth. You sucked your juices off them, tasting yourself on his finger. ‘Such a good girl.’ He complimented you, his other hand tangling in his hair. He took his fingers out of your mouth, leaning down to kiss you, sucking the juices off your tongue. He climbed on top of you and you looked down seeing his cock was hard again. ‘Do you want more?’ He asked, placing a light kiss on your lips. ‘Yeah, I do.’ You replied, pulling down your pyjamas and underwear. ‘You are so beautiful.’ He reached over to the drawer on his bedside table, pulling out a condom and opening it, rolling it down his cock. He grabbed your hips, adjusting you so he was positioned perfectly between your legs. He rubbed his cock on you getting it wet with your juices. He moved his hands up grasping your hands, pushing them up so they were by your head. ‘You ready?’ ‘Eddie, please just fuck me.’ Your words urged him on as he pushed inside of you causing you both to groan. He kept his hips still for a moment, leaning down to kiss you, before starting to move his hips. He pushed into you slowly as you wrapped your legs around him pulling him as close as you could. He moved his lips to your neck, sucking and biting as he sped up his pace, his hands pressing yours into the pillow. You were completely under his control, you couldn’t do anything other than moan at the feeling of his cock moving in and out of you, his lips on your neck and that turned you on. He released one of your hands, moving it down to rub on your clit. You screamed his name, moving your free hand to his back, digging your nails in. ‘Is that good, baby?’ He asked rubbing your clit even faster as his cock pounded into you. You tried to respond but couldn’t muster the words, just nodding in response. You knew you were close to your orgasm. You felt yourself squeezing around his cock causing him to groan in response. You couldn’t believe how good it felt, Eddie, filling you up while rubbing your clit. ‘Eddie, I’m gonna-‘ You spoke, not finishing your sentence before you came, moaning out as you did so. The sensation of you squeezing Eddie pushed him over the edge, him coming just after you. He collapsed on top of you, both of you taking deep breaths in and out as he buried his head in your neck, placing light kisses on you. ‘That was amazing.’ Eddie spoke in between kisses. He sat up slightly pulling out of you before discarding the condom. He lay down next to you pulling you close. ‘You are amazing.’

————

‘God I’m so tired.’ You spoke leaning up to give him a kiss. It's true, you were exhausted, you felt like you would never move again. ‘Take a nap baby.’ He said kissing your head, grabbing the covers and pulling them over you. ‘Then when you wake up, I was thinking that you could come to see my band play tonight.’ ‘You’re playing tonight?’ You asked snuggling in close to him. ‘Yeah, the crowd is kinda small and the place is a shithole but I want you to see me play.’ ‘Hell yeah, I’ll come tonight.’ ‘Great, now let’s get some sleep.’ He said pressing a light kiss to your forehead.

—————

Taglist: @michaelfuckinglangdon @taygra5shaon @eddiemunson4ever @little-diva-gurl @oxbunnehxo @fentyreligion @bellegirl16 @smol-book-nerd @pbeckn26

#eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie x reader #Eddie munson x oc #eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn #joseph quinn x reader

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shiinata-library · 2 years

Text

Welcome home

Relationships: Bilbo x You (Hobbit woman)

Content: Rated E - Fluff, smut, alcohol

Summary: Bilbo returns from the quest and he goes to a tavern to change his mind. He sees you inside chatting with your friends. Since he came back, he hasn't spoken to you yet and he hesitates. If you had never gone to talk to him, you would have never spent this hot night with him.

On AO3

Note: I don’t know what to do with my horny mind. Too much of Bilbo smut in my head, so I share it with everyone and I hope it’ll infect you too! 😛

When Bilbo returned from his journey, everyone was surprised; or very disappointed like Lobelia. He came back on a sunny summer day, running everywhere to take back his belongings. You couldn’t help but laugh when you saw him offend everyone who had bought his belongings.

You didn’t participate in Bilbo's auction sale since you knew he would return. Well, “you knew” that's a bit much. “You were still hoping” are better words because you didn’t know where he was all those months. He only left you a short letter at your home before disappearing.

“I’m going on an adventure, and I don’t know how long it will take, but don’t worry for me, I’ll be back.”

Did he really think you won’t worry about him? Really? You have been his friend for so long and he only left you one sentence!

At first, you were upset. Leaving you like you were nothing. It’s true he didn’t know your feelings for him since you never told him, but you would never have imagined he would disappear like that! You didn’t think you meant so little for him. However, when you didn’t see him return, you started to worry; in addition to reproaching you for never having dared to tell him your feelings. Countless rumours ran about him. You never believed them and patiently waited for his return. What more could you do?

After his return, you didn’t want to disturb him. He had so much to do. Clean up his smial, get his belongings back, prove he was alive. So, you left him alone. It was frustrating because you had missed him so much and now he was back, you couldn’t approach him.

He didn’t approach you either. Yet, he knows where your smial is, having come so many times for tea. Before he leaves. Before he looked pale and sad all day.

Even though he is here now, you still worry about him. Your friends told you to move on, to forget him and find a new love. Easier said than done. You can’t replace a hobbit like Bilbo.

So, one week or two after Bilbo’s return, your friends took you to the famous Hobbiton’s tavern: The Ivy Bush. They know how to cheer you up: a good meal, a good wine and funny stories.

The night was fun, and time passed quickly. Your friends were talking so much that you were almost the last in the tavern. When you look around, you see some old hobbits chatting over beer, four young hobbits laughing together and at the counter… Your eyes widen at the view of Bilbo Baggins drinking a beer alone.

What is he doing here alone at this late time?, you wonder, staring at him. Totally forgetting your friends at your table, one of them elbows you without any delicacy.

“What did we say?” she tells you in your pointed ear while your other friends were talking about the last summer festivities. “But he’s right here, and he seems so lonely, and–” “Y/N, we already talked about this. You should move on,” she says with an honest smile, patting your shoulder.

Your friends only want you to be fine. They truly care about you, but if you don’t speak with Bilbo tonight, you know you will regret it forever.

So, you excuse yourself to your friends and bid them a good night before walking to Bilbo despite their disapproval.

Bilbo looks at the bottom of his drink with a sigh. So much happened during his journey and he thought it would be a good idea to leave from his quiet, lonely smial for a few hours. Hobbits weren't as loud as dwarfs but they know how to laugh and yell in a tavern after a few drinks. Speaking of Hobbits, he never thought to find you here with your friends at the same time as him. With all the taverns in the Shire, you had to be there at the same time as him, wearing a cute summer dress like you always wear, smiling like you always do, putting strands of hair behind your ears not knowing it’s one of the sexiest things you could do. That or licking your lips, or maybe when you dance during festivals with your alluring body.

Since his departure, Bilbo had regretted not having confessed his feelings for you, and now he had returned – like Gandalf said – he is not the same hobbit. More than one year has passed since he left, and he is sure you have better things to do than spending time with your old strange friend.

He sighs once again.

“A new fresh beer, Mr Baggins?” he hears in the sweetest voice he missed so much throughout the journey.

Once he raises his head, Bilbo sees you put a beer and a wine glass on the counter in front of him. Without waiting for his answer, you sit in a chair next to him, smiling like you always do when you are near him. Your sparkled eyes and your pink cheeks make Bilbo quiet a long time before he can speak.

“Y-yes, thank you,” he replies with a nod and an embarrassing wriggle of his nose.

Now you are close to him, you can see small cuts and scrapes on his face and his hands. Not wanting to rush him, you decide to let him talk about this only when he will want to.

“You can’t imagine all the things you have missed this year,” you start, sipping your wine. “Lobelia fell in the mud last autumn. A real show!”

Bilbo smiles and lets you speak. When you drink, you talk a lot. He knows it and strangely, he missed it.

“Oh! And you missed Rose’s wedding. Their cake was delicious! Too bad you didn't taste it. I'm sure you would have loved it! Maybe you can taste it at Daisy's wedding. They have the same baker, I think. It'll be in two months,” you say before finishing your wine. “And what about you? You didn't even talk about yourself,” he says despite being afraid of your answer. “Oh, if you’re talking about weddings, my mother is still angry I'm still unmarried. But she asks me less and less.” you say with a victory smile.

Bilbo knows your mother tells you that at your age, you should be already married with kids, but you like to take your time. Also, because you're in love with Bilbo and there is no one else like him.

Close to him, you wish you could see him smile more than he does, so you restart your conversation, hoping to find a subject that will make him laugh.

“Am I talking too much? Oh, I’m talking too much. Why did you tell me?!”

You had talked so much that only Bilbo and you were still in the tavern. Even your friends have already left. It must be very late… Bilbo and you talked all night without noticing the time. He only reacts when you get up from your chair.

“We should leave. We stayed too long. They surely want us to be gone for a long time…” you say with an embarrassing voice as you see Bilbo putting enough money on the counter for you both. “Even they know they couldn't stop you talking,” he jokes as he is following you to the exit.

The fresh air of summer makes you feel good. The Shire nights are never cold in this season, but the wind is always cool. You close the tavern’s door behind you, still laughing at Bilbo’s jokes. You missed laughing with him…

“Me too,” he says, looking into your eyes with a shy smile. “Oh no. Did I speak aloud?” you ask suddenly. “Oh no, it’s so embarrassing!”

Unintentionally, you step back but Bilbo catches your hand, saying “D-don’t go!” with a trembling voice. You don’t need to look around to know no one sees you. At this hour, almost everyone is already in bed. Yet, you are freezing with embarrassment. If Bilbo didn’t talk, you would still be frozen with his hand in yours for a long time.

“I miss you too,” he starts, squeezing your hand and searching for your eyes. “Since the first night I was away from the Shire, I thought of you. It sounds, hm, stupidly childish and completely uncool, but it’s true.”

Seeing you motionless, he walks closer to you and grabs your other hand. His both hands are so scratched and damaged. You raise your eyes and look at him with widened eyes you never had. Did he say what you think? He seems to have missed you but…

“Now, I started…” he sighs and pulls on your hands. “Follow me.”

His curly hair moves all over the place as Bilbo looks around. You don’t understand what Bilbo is looking for, but he does. He wants a quiet place as fast as possible where nobody could see you both. Your home and his are too far away. He must talk to you now.

Pulling your hand, he leads you behind the tavern. Brushes and the water mill wheel hide you. You even cover from the wind. The only sounds you hear are from the wheel and the wind blowing over the leaves. Thanks to the moon, Bilbo’s red cheeks are easily visible. One of his hands is still holding yours as the other is tapping quickly on his hip, again and again.

“Bilbo?” you eventually say, stroking his hand. “Oh, right. So, hm, what I wanted to say is, hm,” he tries to say, getting more and more irritated. “Is the thing you’re trying to say is that you like me?” you say with a smile, hoping you said the right thing and not getting ridiculous. “No. I love you.” he says bluntly, with serious eyes.

Your previously agitated heart skips a beat. Bilbo said the thing you always wanted to hear, and you don’t know how to react? Oh no, you know how to. With only one step toward him, you find his lips. Softs and sweets. Bilbo’s hand quickly releases yours to slide on your back, pressing you against him. A cry of surprise escapes from your mouth and he takes this opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. Beer and apple pie…

You didn’t expect him to react so quickly and with such ardour to turn your legs into jelly. Yet, this is nothing compared to what he always wanted to do to you and what he wants to do right now.

Your both breaths becoming difficult, Bilbo’s lips descend to your cheek, your jaw, your sensitive neck, your collarbone… He tastes everything he could with delicacy but also with desire. His warm breath contrasts so much with the night’s air that you can’t suppress your shivers.

“Are you cold?” he murmurs, his lips coming to your pointed ears. “N-no… The opposite…”

Both of your hands find his cheeks and pull him back just enough to see his face. The moon and the stars reflect in his eyes. Everything is so perfect that you’re starting to wonder if it’s not a dream.

“Welcome home, Bilbo. I’m so glad you came back alive…” you say stroking slowly his cheeks as you see his eyes become wet. “Me too…” he whispers. “I’ll tell you my journey another time but… I’m glad the Shire is still the same, and you’re still the same…”

After this, Bilbo kisses you softly as he strokes your hair and your back. The happiness is wrapping you both, and you wish it would never end. Yet, you are still outside, and you still haven’t replied to him. Slowly, you part his lips from yours and step back.

Bilbo frowns and looks to grab your hands. You get faster than him and take his hands.

“You can’t imagine how hard it was to live here without you,” you start with a gentle voice. “I was worried about you every day. Every week, my mother was telling me to forget you and to find a good husband. But I didn’t want anyone but you. Does it sound like a proposal? Oh no, it’s not a proposal! It’s just– I just want to tell you– Stop laughing at me!” “Shhh! You’ll wake the whole town!” he says with a big smile. “Should I understand that you love me, Miss (Y/L/N)?” “More than you imagine, Mr. Baggins! Now, kiss me and maybe I’ll forgive you!”

You don't need to ask twice. He devours your lips like he couldn’t live without them. His fervour makes you step back and your back is now pressing against the tavern outside wall. Wanting to touch him the more you can, you are running your hand in his hair, on his back, on his chest… as he is running his on your hip and your back. He quickly lowers on your buttocks and grabs it firmly. When he pressed your buttocks against him, you realise he is more aroused than you imagined.

It's summer, and you both wear thin clothes, so his arousal is easy to feel. And for feeling it, you feel it. His hard bulge against your dress makes your body hot and impossible to remain quiet. Thankfully, Bilbo drinks all your moans until you move your head away.

“I-I know what you think… but we shouldn’t…” you whimper, not admitting you don’t want to stop. “I can’t… We can’t stop…” he says between kisses going down to your shoulder as he removes the fabric covering your skin. “I want you now…”

You don’t know if it’s because of his words or because of his sexy tone, but you can’t refuse him anything.

As he slips his hand on your back, he finds how to unlace your dress. As for you, you didn’t wait for him to unbutton his shirt and run your hand over his hairy chest. His fingers unlace your dress just enough to release your breasts. If you end up naked here, you’re sure to fall sick tomorrow. It’s not cold, but it’s not the day either. After stroking and tasting your breasts, Bilbo comes back to your lips. “Down…” he sighs as he goes down on the ground as you follow him.

The grass is high, and it gives you a perfect mattress. Not as perfect as a bed, but right now, you have other things to think about. Especially when Bilbo slips his head under your skirt and slowly kisses from your foot to your thighs.

“Bilbo, maybe we should–”

Your sentence is cut by his tongue licking your precious bud. You never expect Bilbo to act this quick. He always was the kind of person to take his time for everything, but here, you are completely at his mercy and pleasure makes you tremble. You do everything to remain quiet, but it’s hard. Biting your lower lips is not enough, so you have to cover your mouth with your hands to prevent any moans to escape.

As for Bilbo, his journey taught him to never miss an opportunity and enjoy the present. At this time, he doesn't even care if someone catches them. If he isn’t focused on giving you as much pleasure as he can, he may laugh at him for being so hasty. The quest really changed him after all. Maybe not totally for the worst. And if they get caught, he still has his precious ring to make them invisible. Does it work for two? Maybe.

Overconfident, Bilbo slides one of his fingers into you, and quickly another, still licking your wetting folds.

“B-bilbo, w-wait! S-slow down…” you try to say between moans. “It's been a long time since I…”

Your cheeks burn because of your words. In truth, all your body is burning. It calms a little when Bilbo raises his head from your skirt. After he quickly wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, he comes closer to you like a predator.

If you didn’t know Bilbo, you may be frightened by his eyes, but he has your full trust. No matter how much he has changed, he is still Bilbo. Finally in front of you, he kisses you more gently than you thought. With a hand in his curly hair, you smile at him.

“I-I’m sorry if I'm going too fast. But, hm. I… I want you so much…” he stammers before kissing you softly. “I can see that!” you murmur, giggling despite his kisses.

Bilbo seems to slow down like you asked him, but you feel him lightly rubbing his hard bulge against your pelvis, as if he couldn’t stop himself even though he is waiting for you to agree to go further.

It’s clearly too late to stop, and you truly don’t want to. As you slip your hand between your bodies and start to unbutton his trousers, Bilbo can’t help but moan. His moans are cute and sexy at the same time.

He was right. The sooner you finish, the sooner you will leave from here. In two or three moves, you release his hardness and start to stroke it. Sensually first, then faster. If Bilbo is kissing you this time, it’s for quieting his whimpers. He ends up by raising up and quickly lowers his trousers and undergarment to his ankles. Without giving you the time to see him, he takes back his position above you and looks you in the eyes as you’re still laying in the grass.

“Can I?” he pants as he slips one of his hands under your skirt, stroking your burning skin.

As you’re telling him “yes”, you raise your skirt to help him. When you feel the head of his member at your entrance, you can’t help but raise your pelvis. Your move confirms to Bilbo you truly want it. As he is slowly pushing in you, you feel your walls stretching and give you an indescribable pleasure. It’s only when he is fully inside that you can breathe. His head in your neck, you can hear him moan and feel his warm breath. After a few seconds motionless, he puts one hand on the ground next to your arm as the other grabs your buttocks firmly to guide him to another thrust. Neither of you can hold your moans.

“It feels so good…”, he whispers as he thrusts once again. “For me too but– we must hurry– if we don’t want to– get caught…” you try to say between his back and forth getting faster and faster.

As soon as you finish speaking, you join Bilbo’s moves with the same pace. His moans make you even more aroused. Bilbo deepens his thrusts and he knows, just like him, you won’t last longer. After releasing your buttock, he slowly leads his hand to your sensitive bud and strokes it mercilessly. You are melting with pleasure, and Bilbo feels your walls tightening. A few powerful new thrusts are enough to send strong waves of pleasure in your whole body and transport you to pure bliss. At this point, you don’t think and don’t care about anyone. You whimper his name countless times until you come back to your senses. Feeling you arch and your walls squeezing his hard member, Bilbo can’t contain himself any longer. A loud groan escapes from his lip when he buries you to the hilt and fills you with his warmth.

Without moving his head from your neck, Bilbo tries to catch his breath. His mind starts to clear when he realises the risk of you two being caught here. Remaining motionless, you start to worry about Bilbo. To invite him to raise his head, you stroke his curly hair.

“Are you alright?” you end up asking. “Yes, I do,” he replies with a light laugh. “More than ever. I just need to catch my breath.”

You continue to stroke his hair until he quickly raises his head.

“Oh! And what about you? I-I’m sorry. I don’t even ask! I’m so stupid! I hope I, hm, don’t hurt you!”

You can’t help but smile. You find the Bilbo you know. The sweet, considerate and stammering Bilbo. Your sweet, considerate and stammering Bilbo!

“I’m more than alright, but I think we should leave. The grass is comfortable but we’re still behind the tavern. I can’t go home like this, but–” “Come to my home. How about tea and some biscuits? Or we can go to sleep. Or we can–” “Alright, let’s go home already…” you cut him off with a big smile.

#bilbo #bilbo baggins #the hobbit fanfiction #the hobbit #bilbo x you #bilbo x reader #Smut #smut with feelings #bilbo smut

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renee-writer · 1 month

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The Heart Don't Lie Chapter 66

A/N All from ' Rose didn't notice the lad' is the amazing work of @omgbarbiegurl . She wanted to help Rose find happiness again. A start, eh?

AO3

Justice is swift. Anna, with no defense, nor wanting any, pleads guilty to all charges. It is a relief to all involved. There is still victims statements. Standing in court, Rose gets to stare across at the woman who gave her birth, and tell Her Grace how she then took it away.

“She was, is everything. We had our whole future planned. Finishing university, I was to work, helping to run my family’s estate. Beth,” her voice closes, “she would have stayed home with our children. We planned on adopting one and having one or two. Now, all that is gone! The future we planned taken away by one vengeful, nasty, hateful act by the one woman who was supposed to love me most. Thank God I have Mama Claire.”

It is her arms she runs into after her statement. Claire meets Anna’s eyes as she leads her away.

A year later with Anna serving as a guest of the Crown for the rest of her life, she makes an announcement.

“I want to finish my studies.”

She has been at Lallybroch, in the bosom of her family , working through the intensity of her grief. At first, it was all she could do to get through each hour, let alone each day. Slowly, while loving on her baby siblings ( many a night finds her rocking either Tom or Em), she works through the worst of it.

Oh, it is still there and she knows it always will be but the sharp edge is gone. Now, she is ready to restart her life.

“I think that is a wonderful idea.” Her daddy says.

“You are ready?” Mama Claire asks.

“Aye. It is what Beth would want. I believe being around others again will help with the healing. Focusing on classes instead of that horrid day.”

They agree. She returns to a university closer to Lallybroch, needing to be home every evening.

Rose didn’t notice the lad.

Not at first.

Still grief stricken, she had barely given a thought of any form of love or lust, with anyone.

Beth was one of a kind and Rose missed her every day.

Through Anna’s trial, through her sentencing, through every bit of justice that was meted out; she missed Rose.

She was grateful for her family though.

Her Daddy and Mama Claire had barely left her side, or let her leave their side as she mourned.

Willa of course was a constant presence as were the twins.

Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian were always close by, as were the cousins.

So with so much support, she of course didn’t have any notice for outside attention.

But, he noticed her.

Of course he knew the pain she had been through, you couldn’t walk 2 steps without knowing that Rose Fraser’s bio mother had killed her fiancé at the Wedding, thinking it was Rose’s Step Mother.

But one didn’t bring that up though.

It was late in fall, just as the leaves were taking on the brown color, coming up on Halloween when he finally approached her.

“I’m Andrew.” He said, offering his hand to her.

She stared at him in surprise.

“Rose.”

“I know.”

Her face crumpled with pain.

“Of course you do.”

“Whoa, no it’s okay. I didn’t mean it like that.”

He took her hands and led her over to a small bench and helped her sit down.

“No, I mean obviously I know what happened to you, but the media never revealed your name.”

“So how did you know it?”

“Well, you’re in one of my classes, I have been trying to introduce myself, but you seemed so closed off.”

She smiled, ever so slightly. “And now?”

“I see healing.”

She sniffled a little and he offered her a tissue.

“You know, I lost someone close to me not long ago, so I understand the pain.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think anyone can understand this pain. I lost the love of my life.”

Andrew nodded and took her hand. “I lost my Mam, I can’t understand your pain, but our pain can move in tandem. Make it easier to carry.”

She sniffled again and looked at him with her huge eyes.

“That sounds nice. Thank you.”

He smiled and Rose felt a small tug on her heart that she hadn’t felt since Beth.

Just a flutter really.

She needed to talk to her Mama Claire and Willa.

#my writing #outlander fanfic #the heart don't lie #chapter 66 #jamie and claire #outlander fandom #cannon divergence #modern au

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softguarnere · 1 year

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A Christmas Inheritance

Shifty Powers x OFC

Chapter Two: Car Boys

Summary: Zenie meets mechanics with funny names - and one with a cute face

A/N: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, and a nice Sunday to you all! My power has been out most of the morning, which ended up providing me with a surprisingly productive writing time. Here's an update before the power company decides that I've had things a little too good and decides to take my neighborhood off the grid again.

My heart goes out to everyone having a hard holiday season. This isn't easy for all of us, and I'm sending you virtual hugs 🤝💕🕊️

Taglist: @lieutenant-speirs

Warnings: mentions of death, discussions of grief

Bill, Zenie has thought many times, is going to make a great husband for someone someday.

Back at home, they have a system. Babe, who cannot cook to save his life and for the safety of everyone is not allowed to, buys the groceries. Bill cooks the food. Zenie, who can make an edible meal, unlike Babe, can provide the desserts on the occasion that she has the attention span to do so.

And now, with the smells of pancakes and eggs wafting up to her bedroom, Zenie finds herself thinking it again. Who else would drive twelve hours with her to deal with her family? Who else would sleep in Granny’s old room and let her take the guest room?

“Mornin’!” Bill chirps the second that Zenie steps into the kitchen. He flips a pancake, catching it with the frying pan like it’s nothing. “Your sister brought over some cheese earlier. There wasn’t any here, and you like them in your eggs, so.” He shrugs.

It’s hard to believe that Marilyn would remember something so trivial like Zenie liking cheese in her eggs. It’s even harder to wrap her head around the fact that she would take the time out of her morning to walk down the road from their parent’s house to their grandmother’s to bring her some – sister or not. Really, Zenie would understand if she had forgotten, considering that the only times they’ve seen each other in the past few years are when Zenie flies out to Oklahoma City every now and then to see her for a few days, completely bypassing their home town.

Maybe that’s why she did it – to make this whole thing little bit easier for her sister. After all, Zenie is the one who returned home after Granny’s death to learn that she had been left everything.

“How did you know?” she had asked Bill the night before after everyone else was gone.

Bill had simply waved his phone at her. “Instagram dms are a magical thing, Zenes.”

Yeah, the first of many Christmas surprises, as he had said in the car. Speaking of cars . . .

Zenie tilts her head toward the garage. “You been out there yet?”

“Yep!” Bill whistles. “She’s a beaut.”

“Of course you would think so, Car Boy.”

There’s some sort of irony in the fact that Granny decided to buy a Jeep Grand Cherokee and then leave it to Zenie along with the rest of her Will, but Zenie hasn’t taken an English class in years and doesn’t feel like Googling which type it is; she’s not so meticulous that she can’t just say “It’s ironic” and move on. The only thing that really nags at her is the big question: Why?

Why leave everything to her? She had fled their town and vowed to never return. And yet, her name is the only one on the Will. A rather short Will. She thinks it’s the comedic form of irony that such a short Will took a year for the lawyers to straighten out.

“It doesn’t run, though,” Bill says, using a spatula to scoop one of the pancakes onto a plate. “We’ll have to get that checked out today.”

“Today?”

“Yeah, why not? Then you can drive anywhere you want while we’re here, and you won’t be stuck with me on the way home.” He flashes his best pleading eyes. “Although I know how much you’ll miss me.”

There’s no good argument against waiting to get the car fixed. Bill even has a plan for getting it to the nearest mechanic shop.

Merry Christmas, Zenie, she tells herself. You just got every middle class sixteen-year-old’s wish – a new car for Christmas.

“Well that’s new.”

Late December and early January are usually their coldest months. Despite the chill that covers the town like the blanket of grey clouds overhead, people are milling about Town Square as Bill drives them down Main Street. And they don’t even look mad about it. Well, most of them anyway. A few people are scowling as they lug Christmas lights and ladders along the sidewalks.

Bill waits until they’re at the red light, and even then he only casts a half-hearted glance at all the workers. “You mean they don’t make driving through this place a nightmare every December?”

Sarcasm. But Zenie is genuinely curious about what is going on. She’s only been gone for two years, and the town that felt small and unchanged the day before suddenly feels unfamiliar with whatever new tradition it has created.

At least not much else has changed. The mechanic shop is exactly where Zenie remembers – thank God, because she directed Bill there from memory, and if they had ended up in the wrong place, she never would have heard the end of it.

Zenie, to be frank, doesn’t know jack all about cars. She’s always thankful for Bill’s friendship, but even more so when they walk into the shop and he does all the talking for her, explaining the situation and throwing around words that Zenie has never heard. Yeah, whether he likes her and Babe teasing him about it or not, he is a Car Boy. To some extent, anyway.

The guy that Bill has been talking to – he has Popeye embroidered on his shirt, and Zenie almost asks if it’s because he has a love for spinach, or if he’s strong, or if there’s some other reason behind the name – peers behind them, looking out the windows into the parking lot. He glances between Zenie and the parking lot before offering them a resolute nod.

“I know that car. I’ll go get Shifty – he usually works on it.”

“What kinda name is Shifty?” Bill whispers out of the side of his mouth when Popeye is gone.

Zenie scoffs. “I don’t know. You tell me, Wild Bill.”

“Touché.”

Strange names could be a part of the shop. Some sort of gimmick. Except that Zenie grew up with a few different boys who used to work here, and they all had “normal” names. Popeye and this Shifty, whoever he is, are not names that she recognizes, so maybe the transplants and the leaf lookers have brought different ways of life and unusual names with them.

Shifty implies that maybe the guy who will be working on the Jeep is untrustworthy. It’s easy to picture someone with a silver tongue and eyes that are constantly moving, seeing if you have anything he wants and calculating how to take it from you. Zenie has started to convince herself that she doesn’t want this Shifty fellow anywhere near the car when a handsome man steps into the lobby from one of the back rooms and makes her breath hitch in her throat.

Because he doesn’t look shifty. He looks cute.

Since she knows nothing about cars, Zenie has to assume that the oil covering his forearms is motor oil. He takes a second to grab a rag and scrub at it, and something about watching his hands as he does it hits different, as Luz would say. It’s not even just his nice hands that Zenie inexplicably finds attractive; it’s his dark eyes and the way his hair is parted and –

Bill nudges his shoulder against hers. He’s got his eyebrows raised and is wearing a knowing smile that Zenie knows all too well. “You gonna flirt with him?”

“What?! No!”

“You want me to do it for you?” He whispers. “’Cause if you keep droolin’ all over the lobby, I think they’ll probably charge us extra.”

Even if she wanted to – no. That’s not right. She does want to. She really, really wants to. But she’s never flirted with anyone before and she has no clue where to start.

“I can’t,” she whines, hoping he doesn’t overhear them.

Bill grins, slaps her on the back. “Sure ya can! Just ask him what he’s doin’ later.”

“We have dinner with my family later.” And she certainly can’t invite him to that, now can she? Hello handsome guy that I’ve never met before, how would you like to come to dinner with my entire family and watch us pretend not to hate my father while I try not to cry over my grandmother’s passing? Great! I’ll pick you up at six and then we can get married along the way.

There’s no time to worry about it any more than that, because Shifty is now within earshot, and he’s smiling at them as he approaches.

“Jeep Grand Cherokee?” he asks.

Zenie nods, her throat dry. “That’s me.”

Shifty does a sort of little half smile, glancing between her and the window the way Popeye did only a few minutes before. “Are you Beatrice Painter’s granddaughter?”

Beatrice Painter. Granny. The same Granny who’s first name is Zenie’s middle name. A piece of her that she will forever carry wherever she goes. This time, the words stick in her throat for a completely different reason; grief the size of a golf ball has settled there and she has to work around it to get the words out.

“That’s me.”

“Darrell Powers.” He offers her his hand. It’s softer than she expected it to be. “But everyone calls me Shifty. I used to work on your Granny’s car.” His smile is softer this time. “Boy, she loved to talk about you.”

Heat rushes to her face at the thought of Granny talking to this man about her. She would always brag about her grandchildren to anyone who would lend an ear, but there’s something about Shifty knowing God knows what facts that Granny might have seen fit to share that makes her stomach summersault. Then there’s the fact that Zenie is still holding his hand – a realization that makes her face feel even warmer.

She tries to make the handshake a good one. “Zena McGlamery. But everyone calls me Zenie.”

“I’m Bill Gaurnere,” her friend butts in, offering the mechanic his own hand. “I’m Zenie’s friend. Just a friend.”

She could smack him. Except then he explains the car situation to Shifty and she knows she can’t, because she doesn’t speak this language. Without him, all she would be able to say is “The car is pretty new, I don’t know why it won’t crank.”

Whatever Bill says, it must make sense, because Shifty takes the car back into the shop, and before her friend can properly begin to tease her about the way she can’t seem to stop fidgeting, he’s back to announce that the car is up and running.

“How much do I owe ya?”

Zenie takes a step forward and goes to remove her own wallet, giving Bill a look. “How much do I owe?” It’s her car, which makes it her problem.

“Nothin’.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothin’,” Shifty repeats as he hands her the keys. “Your Granny was always good to me. Consider it a Christmas gift.”

A Christmas gift from a stranger. A handsome stranger, but still. She feels like she owes him something.

“Thank you,” she manages instead. “I really appreciate it.”

The mechanic gives her another one of his handsome smiles. “It’s no trouble, Miss Zena, really.”

He starts to say something else at the same time that Zenie starts to say . . . she’s not sure, exactly. Before either of them can find their words, someone from the back of the shop calls for Shifty, and he has to go.

“Y’all take care. Merry Christmas.”

And then he’s gone.

Bill lets out a low whistle. Zenie facepalms, not caring who sees.

“I blew it.”

“You didn’t blow it.”

“I blew it.”

“It’s a small town,” Bill assures her as they head out to the parking lot. “You’re bound to run into him somewhere.”

#happy holidays!#we're almost through #we'll make it through 🤝💕#my writing #Like A Girl (Like A Man)#oc zenie mcglamery #shifty powers #band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic #shifty powers x original female character #bill guarnere #shifty powers x ofc #hbo war fanfic #hbo war

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kiki-shortsnout · 2 years

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‘Nearly…done. I’ve…I just-’ His words became muffled and then dissipated into silence as fingertips covered his lips.

‘It will wait. Come, I have no desire to be accused of not seeing to your needs,’ Loki urged.

‘Seriously, she’s like five foot nothing, Lokes, she can’t have scared you that much,’ Tony managed to mumble, hissing at the blood returning to his feet after sitting cross-legged in his chair for hours, needles of agony tearing his muscles. An arm wrapped over his waist and dark hair brushed across his cheek as Loki adjusted him, taking more of his weight.

‘Clearly you have never been subjected to Pepper’s wrath,’ Loki corrected him, tactfully ignoring the easy jibe that Pepper was actually taller than Tony. ‘Anthony, this would be much easier if you allowed me to carry you.’

‘Don’t wanna,’ Tony slurred together, trying to stand straighter, proving to Loki that he wasn’t tired, that he could keep on working. Normally, he loved Loki’s inhuman strength, his stamina, but there were times like this where it was an irritant, an unwelcome reminder of how mismatched they were, someone like Loki and someone like him

Loki didn’t budge, treading the familiar steps down the corridor, the same path he always took when he came to find Tony late at night. The gloom and the silence pushed him closer to the precipice of sleep, exhaustion bleeding across his vision as his feet stumbled.

‘Why do you tire yourself so?’ Loki whispered.

‘You’re you…’ Tony tried to explain, pushing his heavy tongue around in his mouth, the words clumping at the back of his throat as he tried to engage his brain. ‘And I’m…me.’

‘That truly is a special skill of yours, Anthony,’ Loki told him, exasperation staining his words. Tony couldn’t feel the floor beneath his feet anymore, nuzzling close to the comforting weight beside his head, Loki’s leather-clad pectoral serving as an excellent pillow for his aching head.

‘What?’ he asked the figment of his dream.

‘Your self-deprivation. You think so little of yourself, believe yourself unworthy when you sacrificed everything to stand against the greatest threat in our known universe.’

‘Lokes…’ Tony waved his hand in the air trying to pat his face before it fell into his lap. ‘Too many words, I don’t…’

Was Loki cradling him?

‘I would not waste my time on someone unworthy,’ Loki told him, ending the conversation.

***

A little snippet of what I’m working on for @wspaceblog Marvel Trumps Hate win! I think this is my first longish FrostIron Story! ❤️💚

#frostiron #tonyx loki #WIP update #wip excerpt #work in progress wednesday

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fucking-feelings-man · 6 months

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Mental Health and Physical Illness

It’s the beginning of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It has hit me particularly hard this year. I am very open about my physical health and tend to be a lot more closed off about my mental health. I am slowly trying to change that as I work on accepting that my mental illness are also a part of my health journey. I think we still have a long way to go on education around mental illnesses. Hopefully, in the future, it will be easier for people to open up about their struggles with their mental health.

There is a reason why I don’t share my mental health struggles. It is so easy for it to be weaponized against you. My mental illnesses have been used against me in my long journey to find my physical health diagnoses. And it prevented me from getting certain treatment options due to the stigma and poor educational training on mental illnesses in medicine. TW/CW, below, for talk of suicidal ideation, suicide, intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, etc. I am taking this as an opportunity to speak a bit more openly about my mental illnesses. Please, look after your own mental health right now. If this post is too much for you to engage with, that is ok.

I have dealt with suicidal ideation since I was 14. I initially received a diagnosis of OCD and 3 anxiety disorders. At the beginning, my suicidal ideation started due to untreated OCD and not knowing why I was having horrific intrusive thoughts. My compulsions were taking up most of my waking hours and I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I wasn’t able to enter a classroom for 2 years. I was the weird mentally ill kid with a desk in the hallway. I would have panic attacks if I even set foot in a classroom. I thought that if someone looked at me during class, my loved ones would die. Or if someone heard my tummy rumble, it would be the end of the world. This lead to extreme anxiety responses and thinking ending my life was the only way to escape this torment.

I started therapy after a particularly bad incident in high school that left me unable to even enter the school property for weeks. This was my first bout of active suicidal ideation. I was extremely lucky and found a psychologist that I clicked with and worked my but off for 2 years on ERP & CBT. By my graduating year I was back in the classroom (but always had to be seated by the door or on the end of a row). I was known by almost all of the teachers because I was allowed to exit during classes to go hang out in the hallway to do my work. But, I like to think by the end of it I had a better understanding of myself and my tolerance for in-class work got a heck of a lot better.

That carried into university and I remember having to tell most of my professors that I needed a reserved seat on the end of a row, and/or a seat right near the exit. I remember having horrific panic attacks if I walked into class and my usual seat was taken. Those were usually the only times I missed lectures. I still can’t quite shake that and it’s ok because it’s a heck of a lot better than it used to be. However, the exam/test anxiety never really vanished so I would dress obnoxiously nice. If I looked put-together on the outside, it kind of tricked my brain into being semi put-together on the inside. That, or I was able to take exams in another location, which was 10x’s easier.

I was doing pretty ok. My suicidal ideation was only reserved for those fleeting intrusive thoughts. I had gotten used to living with OCD at this point. My general anxiety levels were decent and I was coping pretty well. I was thriving in school and working so many odd jobs, looking back I can’t believe how I was doing it all. I was functioning at a level I never had before. I felt optimistic for the first time in my life.

Then the physical illnesses took over and my world started to shrink. The levels of chronic pain I was dealing with were unacceptable. The nausea/vomiting was debilitating. The fear of passing out every time I stood up consumed every waking moment. And it was all brushed off as anxiety. I was just stressed out. If I did some meditation it would be ok.

Now, for someone that had been dealing with mental illnesses for 6 years at this point, I was so confused. I knew my anxiety triggers. I came to learn to live with my intrusive thoughts. The hours I spent on compulsions dwindled. And then to be told by health professionals these physical symptoms were just anxiety? I was left lost. How could my mind be doing these things to my body? I thought I knew what my brain was capable of.

So, I tried to keep pushing. I dragged myself out of bed to make it to classes at the end of my undergrad and beginning of grad school. I tried to “mind over matter” the fuck out of everything. But I kept getting sicker and sicker. I started reaching out to my psychologist again because I felt so confused and defeated. I was then diagnosed with depression but my psychologist made sure to reiterate that this depression was secondary to a physical health condition. I was depressed because I was in pain and not receiving help. My anxiety was increasing because I was in pain and nobody was listening to me.

Doctors continued to brush my symptoms off as anxiety because my mental health history was long. This left me angry and sad and I felt like giving up. This is when the suicidal ideation kicked back in. And it was severe this time. I went into my first case of active suicidal ideation in 6 years and I had to work really hard on returning to my safety plan and finding distractions. But, my body was so sick that most distractions took too much out of me. I was left in a sick and dying body and my brain latched onto that and figured it would be easier to end the suffering all together.

I quite honestly don’t know how I made it through 2019/2020. I think it was guilt and spite that kept me going in my darkest moments. And the fact I had an amazing psychologist and a kick ass mum. And I still had forced connections through school to remind me that I wasn’t alone and that people cared about me. But, I kept returning to the thought of “is my brain so sick that it’s causing me to slowly starve to death and allowing my nervous system to shut down?”. Something just didn’t feel right about that and so with my psychologists help we pushed back.

I had countless letters written detailing that if medical doctors continued to use my mental health history against me and didn’t follow through on more testing, my death would be on their hands. It quite literally was stated that way. I was at severe risk for suicide and my psychologist didn’t hold back. It was at this point that MAiD was introduced as a possibility for me. I didn’t know what to do with that information so for a brief time period I started looking into MAiD as a serious option. If I couldn’t find a diagnosis, I was set on making the decision to pursue MAiD.

I held on for another year and that’s when I found the miracle doctor team who figured out why I was sick and gave me my diagnoses. The relief I felt was impossible to describe. I then spent the last year fighting as hard as I could to get the rest of my diagnoses and start the process of finding treatments and symptom management. I had come out on the other side and now have tools in place to treat some of my symptoms.

However, in the past month, the realization that most of my conditions don’t have cures and don’t have treatments has hit me very hard. I am exhausted. I don’t want to fight anymore. Those dark moments came rushing back and I have spent the last few weeks returning to my safety plan. I have had to have almost round-the-clock supervision. I want to share this as having an incurable disease that rips every shred of your identity away from you is fucking terrifying. The only thing that has kept me going has been fleeting interactions with people. I haven’t been able to properly leave bed in 2 weeks. I have made it outside 3 times to see people and one of those times was to get sedatives to try and control the panic attacks that have riddled most of my days.

Why am I sharing this? I guess the weight of suicide prevention awareness month really hit me as I realized it was September. I realized 2 more months have slipped away from me as I am in a haze of recovery from my hospital stay. I had to make some really hard decisions recently for my health that have hit me hard mentally. And when I get into these crash cycles where more things are ripped away, that’s when my suicidal ideation becomes active again. And it’s so exhausting to have to fight physically and mentally to survive.

I also share because I am always told I seem so happy all of the time and have that bubbly energy. So, I am not the face of what you would assume to be someone at high risk of suicide. I always say that I try to make the most out of every situation I have because most of the time I feel like it could be one of the last. And now that I am physically sick, those fleeting moments mean even more to me. I want people to feel a little safer in sharing their stories and reaching out for help.

I still am not able to directly reach out to people for help. I make vague posts because the thought of putting all of this onto someone else makes me feel even worse. I am lucky to have a support system and people who understand complex mental and physical illnesses. But, we have such a long way to go in ensuring people with mental illnesses are treated fairly in our health system and in our communities. Suicide sometimes feels like the only logical option to deal with the level of suffering we experience. And that is fucking grim because we shouldn’t feel like burdens or like we are drowning. We should have adequate access to resources and practical help. All the therapy in the world isn’t going to do much for me until we find treatments for some of my conditions.

I have reached the end of the mental health resource line. I am still brainstorming with my psychologist but it’s terrifying that I have already exhausted every avenue that psychology can offer me. And I have had horrific side effects from medication due to my comorbid physical health conditions. I am running out of options to keep myself alive. The only things I have left to hold onto are guilt and spite and that is a terrifying place to be.

I just hope that in my lifetime we are able to make things better for the next generation of people with post-infectious illnesses and mental illnesses. It’s not ok that people like me are left to die or are pushed towards MAiD. I always say that my life would be a lot easier if our healthcare system was in better shape and if our social systems were revamped so I never had to worry about how I’m going to afford my next round of experimental medications or have to fight with insurance to get mobility devices that will improve my quality of life. It shouldn’t be easier for me to access and be approved for MAiD than access resources and treatments to keep me alive.

All of this to stay, check in on that friend that always seems really happy and put together. Check in on that person who has mental illnesses but you haven’t heard from in a while. Check in on your sick and disabled friends because I promise you we are not ok. It’s hard to exist in a world that constantly tells you it would be so much easier if you were just dead. And I am fighting so hard to just hold on an extra day. I keep reminding myself that no matter how horrible the day has been, it always ends the same. I get to go to bed. I get to let sleep take over, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time. I get to experience a tiny reprieve from the hell it is to exist in this world as a mentally ill and physically ill person. And I am so grateful to be able to crawl back into my bed when things get tough. Because chances are, this won’t last forever.

So, what can you do to prevent suicide? Support workers rights in your local community. Support local mental health networks and collectives that are doing the work to make mental health supports accessible. Support the push to keep our healthcare system public. Support local shelters. Support organizations that are fighting for universal basic income and a living wage. Support mutual aid projects. Support local disability coalitions. And speak up about the failings of our government and hold politicians accountable. Reach out to someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Talk about suicide. Learn a bit more about suicide and mental illnesses. And always check-in on that person that seems to be holding it together. We shouldn’t have to be resilient. We shouldn’t have to be strong.

#TheChronicallyIllChronicles

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