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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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mydairpercabeth · 3 months

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The warm lighting as Luke holds Percy at sword point because Percy trusts Luke. Luke would never hurt him.

Then Luke later betraying Percy in the very same woods and hurting him with the same sword as the lighting shifts to this ominous dark purple

i could write an essay on how the writers use lighting as a method of storytelling

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inkskinned · 9 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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anthyies · 10 months

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the thing about disco elysium is that it has women in it. what you see on the internet about it might lie to you about that but it has women, gay women even, very compelling women even, in it.

#Directive: THINK ABOUT RUBY THE INSTIGATOR!!!!!!#What was it rave said. This basic concern dooms her!!!!! She’s so good. She’s SO good #Rubyklaasje is literally crucial to the plot happenings and yet there are only like two dozen people who talk about them. Sad. Shut up about #that other guy please stop putting him in bunny suits.#Also thinking about cunoesse. My god cunoesse.#Cindy the skull. Liz!!! Who only shows up for a little but she is so cool. Lilienne i need to replay to go on the date to learn more about #her. Soona she’s so real… Joyce is so much so so so much. And dora and dolores of course.#esha.txt #disco elysium #Seriously.#Klaasje i literally forgot to talk about klaasje I love you problem girl

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cheeekycharchar · 9 months

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AN ANGEL ON A MISSION

I just realized what Michael Sheen's face was doing during the end credits and OMFG he is beyond amazing! *o*

I already did an indepth analysis on why Aziraphale acted the way he did after that heart wrenching kiss scene.. but it wasn't until @charlotteharlatan post about the Nightingale song on the car's radio could have been that got my brain into a tizzy.

"Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong."

Many people paint Aziraphale as this gullible innocent character but don't forget.. he is highly intelligent. Completely traumatized by his past abusive relationship with Heaven but intelligent.

When Metatron told him of their Second Coming plan.. how quickly he put things together before stepping onto that elevator. He turns toward Crowley to give him one last look and heads up to Heaven.

And for the next minute.. we watch as Michael Sheen micro-contorts his expression through the stages of grief.

Shock from hearing Heaven's plans for the Second Coming. Anger for realizing what he was just tricked into doing. Despair for what he gave up when he thought he was making the right choice. And then reorganizing his thoughts and acceptance of his current situation. And that final smirk.. ;) oh.. OH! That is the face of an Angel on a mission against Heaven. And he's already made up his mind. Stop Heaven's plans (again). Get revenge on them for forcing him into this situation. And of course, to get his Crowley back.

GO S3 is gonna be INSANE :D

#Good Omens #GO2 #Good Omens speculation #Good Omens theory #Aziraphale #Crowley #ineffable husbands #Good Omens meta #I AM SO READY FOR S3.. MY MIND WON'T STOP #GO2 spoilers #hmm.. maybe “revenge” is too strong of a word.. but it's what they need lol

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buckleydiazmp4 · 9 months

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no but the thing is. they KISSED. on screen. it was a real scene, not deleted, not removed from a script, it HAPPENED in front of the world's eyes. and AND the actors are normal about it and the whole cast and crew is normal about it and it's not vague and it's IMPORTANT. no matter the rest of it and what came after it, it happened!!

#and i AM gonna say this in the tags to avoid too much controversy but #STOP COMPARING GOOD OMENS TO SUPERNATURAL THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO POINT IN DOING THAT. WHY #why do you need to treat good omens as inferior to a show that was so fucked up. i love certain aspects of spn but #i would never in my life pit those shows against each other because they are nowhere near the same in ANY way #and guess what. i feel more fulfilled with the (CANON might i remind you) arc between crowley and aziraphale than i ever did with destiel #there. i said it and i WILL happily die on that hill alone if i had to #I LOVE WHEN ROMANTIC FEELINGS BETWEEN CHARACTERS ARE ACKNOWLEDGED AMD THEY DID THAT FOR FUCKING REAL #good omens spoilers #gomens #good omens 2 #good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #david tennant #michael sheen

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yrsonpurpose · 2 months

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Mary & George (2024) Episode 3 'Not So Much as Love as by Awe'

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crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington · 3 months

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🪤

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raepliica · 1 year

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(content warning: blood)

Sewed Up Heart

[ID: A Trigun comic done in grayscale with red accents. First, an anatomical heart gushes blood, forming a puddle which shifts into Vash's coat. Vash's gloved hands can be seen sewing up a tear at the hem.

Vash raises his hands, which are now bare and covered in blood. He looks sweaty and distressed, and he raises his coat to his face and cries into it. His clenched hands rip the sewed portion apart, and the red thread leads to a heart whose own stitches are tearing apart. The background gets darker and darker, and the red looks brighter and starker against it.

Then the background returns to white, and brown-skinned hands using embroidery scissors snip a red thread. Wolfwood holds up Vash's repaired coat, grinning proudly, and does a happy thumbs-up in Vash's direction. Vash lifts his head, seeming distant.

Wolfwood holds out the coat. As Vash puts out his hand to take it, the cloth is replaced so Wolfwood is dropping a sewed-up heart in Vash's hand. Vash rubs the coat against his face with a teary smile. End ID] ID CREDITS

#trigun #trimax #cw blood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vashwood #my art #his coat as an external representation of his emotional wounds🤌#a coat riddled with bullet holes tells so many stories #also wolfwood hc of him being good at sewing bc he probably had to patch up many clothes when he was at the orphanage #and now his hands are bloodied but he still has this one thing -this one skill- that helps him make things a little better for once #and it doesnt fix everything but at least he's giving back a bit of the kindness he's being shown #ww actions over words love language *explodes*#i cant stop rotating these thoughts in my head i need to make a comic focused on his pov #image described #thank you for the id!!#raepliica_art

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uncanny-tranny · 10 months

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The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.

Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.

#feminism #dysphoria tw #your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear #and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you...#...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument #because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them #i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly #and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be #and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used #ask to tag (genuine)#and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies'#because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me #it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive #and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know #have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍#is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months

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I take back my former Luo Binghe design. Big Buff Binghe is too standard. It's expected. The sillier angle to take is: manifesting his small, needy dog energy into physical form.

#poorly drawn svsss #svsss #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #I haven't been drawing these little guys silly enough and I need to fix that.#is this partially inspired by the crowd of people that whine about fanart not being 'canon accurate'? Yes.#I'm going to make these characters silly and no one can stop me!!!#Canon accurate LB is 188cm tall. PD-SVSSS LB is 3cm tall. He gained 2mm of height after the timeskip.#This little guy is DENSE. He is heavy and hard to pick up and hold. But SQQ will do it. He will find a way. He can have uppies.#He is also *so* good at cuddling. If you even care.#And yes. I want to give him little horns and a tail. They came in after his awakening.#I think I'm gonna keep up the 'svsss demons have horns and little tails' thing because i find it cute <3

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momentomori24 · 3 months

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THEY ARE SO INSUFFERABLE AND HORRIFIC AND AWFUL BUT SO AMAZING AND DORKY AND THIS PART IS SO UNFAIRLY FUNNY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME-- PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME IN S2. PLEASE LET THEM TAKE OVER THE SHOW. I KNOW THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BUT I NEED MORE OF THE VEES.

And the most important scene of them all (to me):

First of all, how is Vox doing that. Second, you just know that these two douchebags are going to bang so hard with Alastor getting his ass kicked replaying in the background after this. I hate them so much.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vees #voxval #staticmoth #all their scenes in this episode were so freaking good holy shit #all their scenes in show are great actually #like-- oh my god #they are so much fun to have around #vox was literally me the entire time (minus the alastor hating)#and their evil little happy celebrating at the end was so cute it's unreal #i wanted the vees to sing together at some point and i'm so happy it was delivered vox and val sound fantastic together #and that sneaky staticmoth kiss at the end YES YES YES YEEESS #i love everyone in this show (except adam) but the vees are just built different #with adam dead can they please appear more? please? i need more of these disgusting assholes committing disgusting crimes and gay wrongs #''the future of hell belongs to the vees'' is a sentiment i can and will get behind please take over #i just finished the season finale and it gave me the dopamine rush i really needed today i'm so happy AAHHHHHH #i can't stop rewatching this scene someone please help me i can't escape their clutches i've been here for hours please #ok i'm clogging these tags so i'm stopping here but AAGHHHBKFGXGGGBB #anyways good night

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ryllen · 1 month

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#twst #twisted wonderland #sebek zigvolt #okay but DAMN??? THIS RESONATES so well with how they have been interacted with each other???? I ACTUALLY FEEL TOUCHED *SNIFF* *SOBS*#IT'S VERY UNLIKELY but i can't stop imagining SEBEK SINGING IT NOW especially the I HATE I HATE I HATE PART SO HIM AUGHH THANK YOUU??????#lilia vanrouge #kalim al asim #cater diamond #light music club #fanart #GOD LOOK HOW GOOD HE LOOKS WITH LIGHT MUSIC CLUB #he might not even need microphone BCS HE IS SO LOUD ALREADY #BUT DANG #i mean it could be that the mic is not even ON HFSHDH bcs the club member just wisely thought so #look at this boy having his clothes and hair set up by the club members #HE LOOKS SO GOOD AND YOUNG #MUCH YOUTH #AUGHHHH...............#THE MUSIC CLUB LOOKS SO CHEERFUL AS WELL IT LOOKS SO FUUUNNN AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!#who knows who knows lilia worked on his influence 'magic' to get sebek to do thiss #augghhh i can dreeammmmmmm

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zan0tix · 4 months

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Coughs. Loudly

#dirkjake #dirk strider #jake english #homestuck #my art #zan0tix #SORRY JAKE ENGLISH I NEED TO STOP DRAWING DIRK SO MUCH GOOD LORD

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dykedivorce · 1 month

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We Gave 6 Comedians An Enemy With An Alliterative Name And You'll Never Guess What They Did With It (ep 1 - 10)

#genuinely a bit that gives and gives and never stops giving. to me #siobhan is so good at this i love when she plays cunty adaine #d20 #fhjy #fantasy high #dimension 20 #rewatched their first meeting with chipotle chesterville to get the cap of brennan saying the name right #and they were suchhh funny assholes!! i need 20 more hours of the bad kids being dicks to everyone thats vaguely mean around them

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introspectivememories · 3 months

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been watching mashle and oh my god, the eugenics???? the way lance's parents were so ready to give up their daughter??? no second thought???? just "why did this child have to be born to us?"???? um everyone talking in mash's face about how non-magic people are inherently worthless???? the triple line dude fucking making dolls out of people and somehow no one??? is??? checking him???? and then when questioned immediately jumping into "well humans are little more than mindless beasts and i will become a creator deity and reshape the world in my liking!"????? the, um, corruption in the government??? the way this story is so clearly "h*rry p*tter if it was actually funny"??? the slytherin coded characters are blood purists???? they took out hufflepuff??? one of the magia lupus' mage's powerset was just big shuriken???? another one is rip off kisame???? lance is a siscon and the first thing mash says is "that doesn't make it better"???? lemon is genuinely so fuckin funny??? dot is incel-coded but like in a funny way??? dot says that lance is playing life on "easy mode" cause lance has a good face??? dot likes tea??? dot has good manners??? everybody only has one spell they can use??? finn ames is like if you transported is regular human into this stupid ass world??? i think the old man and the cop have explored each others bodies.

#so many baffling things #the show is genuinely funny tho #mash and lance have something going on and i stg this isn't just me putting my shipping goggles on #also lance is a siscon but like in the most non-weirdest way possible??? like he just doesn't want his baby sis to die #and like yeah the power of her photo is enough for him to fling himself backward into a wall hard enough that it cracks #but he's not like in love with her or whatever. bare minimum victories ig #also when the rap starts it gets sooo hype #not to talk about h*rry p*tter in 2024 but why did they take out hufflepuff??#that was the only good house #everybody else in that world seem insufferable but hufflepuff seemed like you could get along with them #also they need to stop talking shit about non-magic people in front of mash's face #mashle magic and muscles #mashle #lemon irvine #dot barrett #finn ames #mash burnedead #lance crown

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