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britneyshakespeare · 4 months

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My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things

#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines)#i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done #or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now!#i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive #i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up #like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished!#it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well #but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER?#i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully.#tales from diana #this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice #like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself #i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself #but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it?#see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before #and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart #to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU.#and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh #which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life.#and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts.#like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally #but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time #well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful #rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least.#i should really draw ned sometime. i really should.#actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then #i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox #maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute

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inkats · 4 months

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Hiyori Tomoe + I was feeling weird about drawing and then saw a handsome woman and died a little bit.

#With the way I act and talk about men it’s easy to assume. Sometimes I even think that way. But no.#I actually love women <3 #(too. As well.)#I do not draw ladies loads bc I think. I like real women more than anything ever. And I simply cannot capture a Real Person. Yet.#very fun that this is my first art post of the year and not the two short comics I made. But also #this reminded me about what I actually like. No more silly trope y stuff I’m gonna. work on more soft sweet real people feeling stuff.#hello yes see I draw #traditional art #artists on tumblr #drawing #sketches #doodles #hiyori tomoe #enstars #enstars fanart #hiyori tomoe fanart #Ok cool I also finished my sketchbook w these ladies btw. Finally. I am going to. Bed in 20 minutes I’ll see if I’ll start the next one…#but I also am really wanting to try and practice drawing women the way that. When they. Yknow. You understand you��re all gay too.#I really wanna capture like. The confidence the charm. My art usually looks like. Anime girls (derogatory).#This year we fight misogyny.

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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months

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Lmfao my mom was getting on me abt not having enough to do this upcoming semester so I decided ah okay I'll add another class. And that's perfectly fine. But the one I picked results in the majority of my schedule being generally unaffected and still lax, but my Thursday being absolutely fucked.

For reference, on every other day I'd spend like less than four hours in class/commuting(anywhere from zero hours to almost four), but Thursday, its almost 9 hours combined 😭 which is like fine with me, but I think ill despise thursdays after this, AND MY BIRTHDAY IS ON A THURSDAY :(

#she doesnt like the fact that im practically free on Fridays #<- online class that doesnt meet on that day #so ah i hope this balances out sjkfkflg #the way scheduling in my school works has such a weird affect #my mon/wens/fri are gonna be so chill and then tues/thurs is just....something #it makes it worse bcs one of my classes only takes place for a section of the semester #and that class is mon/wens so im only gonna be online after that #though i still think ill have to meet w that professor bcs there is in fact reasoning for that class to be so short lasting #but tues and thurs is just stuff that ill never get any reprieve from lol #four classes in one day. we'll see how it goes 🥰🥰#also thurs will be interesting bcs i will have two classes just abt middle eastern politics #i came across a class on the arab-israeli conflict and wanted to take it bcs its obv very relevant rn #and then the one i just scheduled is also abt middle eastern politics so i really am going to be thru the ringer #not that its a bad thing at all!! i just mean its interesting how relevant this semester will be and how im just getting intensely informed #anyways i think the way i schedule would be a nightmare to anyone else #i try to schedule every class after 12(or 11 at least) so then all of them are crammed right after one another #and i wake up an hour before class and leave myself that meager time to get ready and commute lmfao #my friend asked me when i eat lunch. and im like uh ;;; never? 🥰#lol dw i do eat but like i treat my time on campus like how can i pack this as densely as possible #i dont like sitting around by my lonesome it makes me depressed dhfkkg #also i think i will actually kms with all the writing im goong to have to do this semester #that is my reasoning to my mom abt why she shouldn't be pissed at my supposed lack of activity #like im taking so much thats emphasized with writing. dont worry i will be in fact budy #*busy #catie.rambling.txt

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solarisposting · 5 months

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I just read a goodreads book review that made me angrier than any inconsequential thing has made me in a WHILE. I loved the book, and I'm not a good critic of novels (or anything); I'm decent at analysis to be fair, but I like a read or I don't (on a spectrum of course).

But good goddamn, this review reeked with pretension and was written like the most unbearable food or music critic's diatribes. Adult character is lost in life, makes stupid choices out of grief/running away from issues/thinking distance from community will help/doesn't act logically as a character in a horror plot? Childish and not very bright! A large bustling family coming together for a major cultural and spiritual threat and asking the same damn questions over and over again, repeating the same arguments, etc.? Tiresome and muddled! Bro is your family (bio or chosen) totally chill? Have you never at least seen (in media or in others' lives) annoying family members beating dead horses for days on end out of concern and love and lack of knowing how else to help???

Dude I dunno, it just felt like legitimate criticisms one might have if they dislike a book or parts of its structure, but then those criticisms were a molehill buried beneath a mountain of hating some super fuckin' flawed characters making wild and awful choices in a time of grief and isolation. Screaming!!!!

#this was a review about Bad Cree by Jessica Johns which i gave five stars btw #i am unreasonably pissed lmao #it was like...just. gripes for the sake of bitching and being unhappy woth a short read that didn't hit typical horror benchmarks. dumb.#it's about multiple generations of cree women in the same family and naturally had a LOT to do with the cumture #and experiences and practices and just. daily lives of cree women mixed with A Horror Plot #but i was still sooo reminded of the chaos and aggravation and love and power and hurt and again love #of when the women on my mom's side of the family congregate #and the connections and rifts and stories memories legends among us all that get passed around rather than #passed down because it all feels so circular. we all repeat ourselves endlessly lmao #like this made me yearn for my family because i saw and felt them in this cast of characters #i'm not indigenous or canadian but i still saw myself and my family in this book and it was such a unique experience #bc it was so goddamn familiar in the midst of learning about this horror plot and how it mixed with cree culture #im emotional and tired and not explaining myself well. but JESUS i cannot wait for Johns to publish her next work #ann with an ie

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allaganexarch · 4 months

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aaaaaahhhh i'm so hype I have my first legit korean lessons today!!!

#personal #exciting korean learning tag #i've been wanting to try italki for like months but (a) schoolwork got the better of me this term LOL #(b) there are sooooooo many options so it took me a long time to decide on some tutors to try #(c) once i finally thought I had a short list some random youtube video recced preply so i looked at it #instantly found aNOTHER tutor I felt like i would really like #but then read a bunch of HORROR STORIES about how preply works and how the system screws over its tutors a lot #but i was like well okay but i really like this tutor so LOL #(d) so then all of this accomplished i ran up against 'oh my social anxiety isn't even that bad except when it is'#so i had to be batshit insane like looking up what the etiquette is for booking lessons and contacting potential tutors sdkjnfkjfnnf #ANYWAY i think this will really help me improve a lot!!#i do extremely well with one-on-one teaching bc i have a pathological need not to waste ppl's time LOL #and my main problem rn is it's hard to consistently create opportunities to practice + hold myself accountable #so assuming these tutors work out i'm hoping to start doing lessons a couple of hours a week :)

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brattybottomdyke · 1 year

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plus size clothing shopping be like: all over floral print, cold shoulder sleeves, peplum hemlines, “witty” love yourself graphic tees, more all over floral print, shapeless dresses, plain black clothes, more all over floral, maxi dresses, peasant tops, more shapeless sweater dresses…oh and don’t forget your Spanx!!!

#im trying to shop for clothes not from shein #but it’s honestly so hard #i know shein is bad please don’t come for me #but it’s frustrating bc i have found some of the best plus size variety on that stupid website #other companies even the ones that are supposed to be specifically catering to plus size people don’t have any variety #i like a good floral print as much as the next person but does it have to be on everything??#and everything’s just super long and shapeless and not meant to highlight your body but hide it instead #im short and fat i need variety #and it’s just not there!!!#this is why i’ve shopped from shein so many times #the quality is dodgy and i know their working conditions are practically slave labor #but i have found a delightful amount of clothes that give me variety and shape and pattern choice #and so many things that actually make me feel good about my body (at least temporarily)#this! is! so!!!!! unbelievably!! frustrating!!#bottom.spm

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dykeredhood · 6 months

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I booked a few nights in a historic (and haunted!) hotel so I could have a nice staycation & change of scenery during the weekend I visited the symphony – I enjoyed visiting Symphony Hall in my royal purple blouse with the beautiful (faux) fur collar/loose shoulder drape

#had to wear heeled shoesies bc that adjustable cane even at its shortest setting #it wasn’t quite as short as I needed; I’d practiced before walking with a cane so things overall were fine #the LAST thing I want is to visit a fancy venue with a fashionable/cosmetic cane (something that v few people do)#and then look like I’m fumbling around with it 🙄#but yeah between my robust gait and nice heeled shoes and overall prissy uprightness #i made things work 😚😚😚#for the record I looked into how to fit a cane properly to whomever’s proportions #and the one I got myself in late March of this year fitted me to a tee #[sic] I can’t recall if it’s ‘to a tee’ or ‘to a T’#ANYWAY I really enjoy how much more I swagger around when I’m using a cane #I’ve had people (a LONG while back) see my very literal upright posture #and ask if I’d been in the MILITARY 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮#naw the robust upright posture is from marching band/ballet training/getting yelled at for arbitrary things that we won’t get into rn #this got away from me #personal #rant in tags #selfie #dyke #big mirror

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soldier-poet-king · 10 months

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AND pathfinder is cancelled tmrw. Which makes sense. Presumably other people actually DO want to spend time with their fathers on fathers day. But like. I wanna play game with friends. My weekly social time :(

#franposting #anyway. tmrw is like. mass (hell bc brian scruples). gym (the only mental break i get all day)#practice for highway driving test this week (extra SUPER hell if i fail and cry again i might just ***) ontarios driving laws are so stupid #IM A GOOD AND SAFE DRIVER #anyway. yeah. its gonna. be a bad day #AND my boss is gone for 2 weeks at work #which sounds nice but actually me beinf left alone for 2 weeks makes me feel a little insane #no background chatter or short convos in the morning. makes my brain wander #and i get real sad #im such an introvert and i like working alone #but 8 straight hrs completely at my own devices sometimes. when im already havign difficulties. it gets bad #no julian of norwich isolation for me or else i might just. go off the deep end

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pepprs · 8 months

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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment

#purrs #i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are #falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school #so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w #was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and #overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the #store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol #and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and #OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the #same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life #anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving #practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i #learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills #(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later

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rucow · 1 year

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!!!!!!!! amazing news!!!!!!!!!! i sang SO much today and had such a great time !!!! 🥹 i LOOOVE singing SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! i want to do it every day aaaah but i have neighbours so i can't be loud 😭😭😭 IM SO SO HAPPY WITH MYSELF THOUGH I DID SO WELL TODAY 😭

#txt #im so so so tempted to record a short cover 😭 but idk my confidence is rly bad aaahh #ive just sung cantarella for like AN HOUR AND A HALF NONSTOP FBSHDJS ITS THE PERFECT SONG FOR MY VOICE???#in the original octave ofc. i cant sing high without screeching hahaha #i tried singing a bit of senbonzakura too but that song's so fast.it made me dizzy fjshfjs #i need to work on my breath control before i can sing senbonzakura properly 💪#BUT AHHH I LOVE SINGING CANTARELLA ITS SUCH A FUN SONG TO ME...#i dont sing it in a ''pretty'' way i just go nuts with it bc its in such a comfortable range for me 🥹#i finally got to assess my voice a bit better and i can definitely say its very dramatic fjefhd i get rly Passionate #i dont think u understand how much i love singing 😭 its so important to me #i love how it feels!! the vibrations in ur chest and throat when ur singing...especially in a lower range...they feel sooo nice aaahh #i have a lot of practice to do but im rly happy with myself for being able to sing ONE thing 😭#im so happy with myself 😭😭😭 this is the first time i successfully sing something properly and loudly aaahh!!

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goldieclaws · 9 months

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Me seeing a high fantasy-themed game jam that lasts for 3 whole months and it's tempting me to high heaven to make a demo of MEW's story in RPG Maker (bc I'm still a noob with Unity) which means I'll be forced to make pixel art but I will have a motivation to at least make something with him in it, but ALSO I don't want to make something in RPG Maker when the original intent was to always make his game in Unity bc transferring everything over will take A God Damn While.