#it’s sad to hear what she has to say about Dave because i do admire him so much

[christophercornellos]

courtney accusing/calling out trent reznor & dave grohl on her instagram just now is 😘👌

#courtney love #dave grohl #trent reznor #it’s sad to hear what she has to say about Dave because i do admire him so much #trent can eat shit tho what a creep #and I know people have such issues with courtney as do I but idk I really believe what she’s saying #this whole thing about her having to sign shit over to Dave and krist as well idk how to feel about that #idk someone chat with me

[midnightstar-90]

2-in-1

Masterlist | Taglist | Request

Dave Lizewski x Reader | Todd Haynes x Sister!Reader

Summary: You’re Todd’s popular little sister, and you like one of his not-so-popular friends. What happens when a couple of words leaves the two on non-speaking terms?

Warnings: Language! (“Is anyone gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said “language”?”) Get it? A superhero joke for a story based on a superhero.

A/N: It’s the Evan Peters version of Todd. I just love Evan, so that's how I imagined it. If you want to picture Augustus, you can. There are no rules here. Make it your own.

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Todd and Marty were both standing around Dave as he grabbed his books for his next class. When he finished grabbing his Chemistry textbook, he slammed his locker door shut. They start walking to class, but not without a little chit-chat.

“So, you guys down for Atomic Comics this weekend?” Dave asked his two best friends. Ever since the boys met each other, they’ve always loved comics. They would be able to tell you the exact comic from one line if you asked.

“Yeah, I’m down,” Marty said with a shrug of his shoulders. Dave nodded at his response before both of them turned their head to Todd.

“My sister is grounded, so I have to make sure my sister doesn't invite anyone over this weekend. My parents are going out of town. If I went she would have to go,” Todd contemplated his options. You don’t like superheroes as much as Todd, so you’d probably complain. And if they go to Todd’s house, he’d be spending his time making sure you aren’t doing things you’re not supposed to.

“We-“ Dave couldn’t even finish his sentence before a herd of people crowded around the hallway. “What’s going on over there?” Marty asked in confusion. Todd and Dave looked towards the mob. Every day, since Y/N started school, kids would crowd around her like she was a celebrity. She could get things done at the speed of light. She once threw a party at the last minute, and it ended up in a magazine.

They stood, watching as the mob of people started to disperse. They moved a little closer to see Katie and her friend, but also Y/N. Y/N looked to be handing out a flyer. Todd quickly walked over and took the flyer from his sister’s hand.

“Y/N, you’re grounded. You know you can’t do anything when you're grounded,” Todd yelled at his little sister. Y/N rolled her eyes before they landed on Dave. She stared at Dave with admiration in her eyes.

She continued to look at Dave as she spoke, “Mom and Dad said no one in the house, but they said nothing about going out. Here, take a flyer. If you want to hang with the cool kids, you’ll go.”

She tried to walk off before Todd grabbed her arm, snatching all the flyers from her hands. “Call it off, Y/N. What happens when pictures end up online? If mom and dad see them, we’re both going down. So, how about you go to Atomic Comics with me and the boys, and I won’t tell mom about her favorite dress that mysteriously ripped,” Todd said with a smirk.

Y/N looked at her brother furiously. “Fine, but only if you let me sit by Dave,” she whispered to her brother, so her brother’s best friend doesn’t hear. Todd knew about his sister’s crush on Dave. He also knew that Dave has a crush on Katie, so he allowed it.

He nodded his head, making Y/N smile. She started walking to class, but as she passed Dave she gave him a wink. Dave looked at his best friend’s sister with a nervous chuckle and watched as she walked away.

“I guess I’m going to Atomic Comics with you guys,” Todd told his friends as he side hugged his friends around the shoulders. They all understood that his going would also include Y/N, so they nodded their heads and started walking.

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Y/N and Todd walked into Atomic Comics. Y/N was not happy. She could be throwing the party of the century, but she was now hanging out with nerds and her crush. They sat down at the table with Todd’s friends. Todd sat with Marty and Y/N, as promised, sat next to Dave. Y/N was welcomed to a Y/F/F/M (your favorite flavor milkshake) milkshake.

“I ordered you guys a milkshake. Uh, I didn’t know what flavor you like, Y/N, so I got you Y/F/F/M,” Dave said nervously. Y/N blushed, turning her head, so the others wouldn’t see her. He knew my favorite milkshake flavor. Eeeep!

Y/N took the gesture as a sign that Dave liked her. She silently put her hand on Dave’s thigh. Dave’s body tensed up at the feeling of the girl's hand on his thigh. No one had ever touched him there before. He looked at the girl to see her on her phone playing candy crush. He slowly moved her hand off of his leg, only for it to once again place itself back on his leg, only higher. This went on for a couple of minutes before Dave had enough.

“Y/N, can I talk to you real quick?” he said through his teeth. He wasn’t upset. No, he was uncomfortable. They got up and walked towards the comic section.

“What was that?” Dave asked the girl he considered his sister.

“What? My hand on your thigh?” He nodded at her question. “I thought you liked me. Wait, do you not like me?” Dave didn’t speak for a couple of seconds. Y/N’s eyes started to tear up, knowing she just embarrassed herself.

Dave didn’t know how to handle the situation. How do you tell your friend’s kid sister that you don’t like her the same way she does? The next thing Dave said really set Y/N off. “Everyone knows I like Katie,” Dave said nervously.

Y/N was furious. “Are you for real? That Bitch?! You know she thinks you’re gay? That’s why you guys have been hanging out together so much. Not because she likes you, but because she thinks your gay! I didn’t tell her that you lied, but now...” Y/N yelled, not finishing her sentence out of anger. She grabbed the attention of her brother and Marty.

Dave must have forgotten who he was talking to because he just kept saying the wrong stuff. “I know. Please don’t tell her. I’m trying to find a way to tell her that I’m not,” Dave begged.

“You’re a loser and a dick. You probably have a loser dick also,” Y/N said. She didn’t mean it, but she was angry. She walked over to the table and grabbed her milkshake. She walked back over to Dave. She looked him in the eye as she poured her milkshake all over his head. Some of it slid off his head and down his face and body. With that, she ran out of the Comic shop in tears.

A cold and sticky Dave walked back over to his friends after watching Y/N run out. “You really hurt her feelings. You know, she told me while we were having a spa day that she rejected all the boys that asked her at school because she would rather be with either you or Kickass. You were the more predictable choice, but I also knew you didn’t like her like that. This is my fault. I should have been the big brother and told her the truth,” Todd looked down.

“Wait, you have spa days with your sister?” Marty laughed.

“That’s all you got from that? You know what? My sister is crying her eyes out on the streets, which makes her vulnerable to bad guys, so I’m gonna catch up with her,” he said, getting up and leaving the comic shop. Dave felt sorry, but there is only one thing he can do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day, Todd tried to cheer Y/N up with a spa day. It helped a little but she was still heartbroken. He sat next to her on her bed and rubbed her back.

“Hey, you know that not everyone is going to like you back. You're gonna have crushes who reject you, just like today. But I want you to know that Dave does love you, just not the way you want him to,” Todd told his sister before leaving the room.

Y/N cried a little more before a knock was heard at her window. She walked over and moved her curtain to see Kickass at her window. She quickly opened it.

“Kickass? What are you doing here?” Y/N asked, confused.

“Well, your friend Dave messaged me saying that you needed some cheering up. He wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry. He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Dave told Y/N.

“If Dave’s so sorry, why can’t he tell me himself. He totally hurt my feelings, and no offense, Kickass, but this meeting means nothing to me without Dave,” Y/N told the masked superhero.

Dave opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. He thought about what he was gonna do next for at least two minutes. He walked towards the girl sitting on her bed.

“I think this will cheer you up,” Dave said, checking to make sure no one could see or hear anything. He reached for his mask, and slowly started to lift it up. Y/N looked up at the superhero, and she saw her brother’s best friend.

Her eyes widened in shock. “Dave, you’re Kick-“ Y/N got out before her mouth was covered. Dave had covered her mouth with his gloved hands to keep her from yelling his secret out to the world.

“I would really like it if your brother and the rest of the world didn’t know about this. But, I really am sorry. You mean a lot to me, and seeing you sad really hurt me. You're like a little sister to me. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be, but I really do love you,” Dave told Y/N confidently.

Y/N nodded her head, still releasing the tears from her eyes. Dave took off his glove and started to wipe her tears away. When Dave finished, he pulled Y/N into a side hug and laid a kiss on top of her head.

They stayed like that for about a minute before Y/N spoke, “Dave, I know you don’t wanna be with me, but would you like to stay and hang out?”

Y/N looked at the boy with hopeful eyes. The ones that make you feel bad if you say no. The ones a lost dog gives you when you find it shaking, cold, and wet from the rain. Dave tried not to look, but it was impossible not to give in. He agreed to Y/N’s proposal. The girl's face lit up like Christmas.

She grabbed her headphones and started to make her way towards her brother’s room. One time, she went to borrow something from Todd but was met with the sight of her brother jerking off to porn.

Y/N opened the door to Todd’s room, to see Todd jamming out to music on his laptop. Y/N snuck in, quietly. She made sure not to bring attention to herself as she grabbed clothes from his drawer. She successfully completed her mission and made her way back to her room.

Meanwhile, in Y/N’s room, Dave walked around looking at Y/N’s things. He looked towards her desk to see a photo. He walked towards it to see a photo from 4 years ago held in a grey frame. It was a photo of Y/N, Todd, and Dave at Y/N’s 10th birthday party. Y/N had cake all over her face.

Dave remembered that day. Y/N and Todd’s dad bought two cakes. He was always one to pull pranks. They put the candles on the decoy cake, and they sang ‘Happy Birthday’. When the time was right, Todd and Dave snuck behind Y/N, picked up the cake, and pushed it into her face. Everyone laughed, even Y/N.

Y/N quietly walked back into the room with her brother’s clothes. She saw Dave looking at her 10th birthday picture. He seemed to be lost in thought, so when she cleared her throat to let him know she was there, he jumped like a cat next to a horn.

He stuttered trying to explain what was going on, but Y/N just threw the clothes at him and left the room. She sat outside the door as he got dressed. She heard a couple of clattering sounds but knew it was Dave being clumsy.

When he opened the door, she almost fell back. She picked herself off the floor and made her way into her room. She picked up her laptop, and relaxed on the bed, watching random movies on Netflix. And that’s how they fell asleep.

Around 4 am Dave woke up to see a snoring Y/N laying on his chest. Careful not to wake her up, he lifted her up and moved from his spot. He made sure he had all of the items he came in with and left, but not without a quick glance at Y/N. He smiled at the girl, and quietly closed her window.

I don't deserve her. She deserves better.

#kickass #asskicker #aaron taylor johnson #evan peters #aaron taylor johnson x reader #evan peters x reader #aaron taylor johnson imagine #evan peters imagine #dave lizewski #todd haynes #dave lizewski x reader #todd haynes x reader #todd haynes x sister reader #x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine #kickass x reader #augustus prew

[libraryofloveletters]

Ok request: how about Spencer and reader in relationship, but he ends up meeting Maeve and reader is devestated when she(or GN) finds out obvs, but finds comfort in... Hotch?? And somehow that makes more sense to everyone like they partner up a lot and are close?? Idk something along those lines 🥺

Mended Hearts 

Spencer Reid x Reader, Aaron Hotchner x Reader 

Warnings: cheating, mild arguing, a kiss or two 

Category: mix of angst and fluff. 

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: I know Spencer and Maeve didn’t email but for the purpose of this, they did. Also, reader is friends with Matt and Kristy before Matt joined the BAU, just go with it :)

-----

Spencer’s been distant lately, more than usual. He seemed happier too and it couldn’t be from you because he barely spoke to you now. Your mind wandered to the most hurtful conclusion, he’s cheating. 

Something about it felt wrong, it hurt you but if he was, you wanted to know. You turned to the one person you knew could help you, Penelope. You knocked on her door before she called out to come in. “Office of supreme knowledge, how can I be of service ?” she spun her chair around to see you with a pout on your face. 

“Oh sugar plum, what’s wrong?” she pulled you into a hug, your head resting on her shoulder. 

“I think Spencer’s cheating” you admit to her, she looked at you, she couldn't help but let out a giggle. 

“Boy wonder ? Cheating ? No, I don’t think so. He was about to combust when he asked you out, how could he manage having two relationships ?” 

“Pen, I'm serious. Haven’t you noticed him lately ? Happier ? It’s not me that’s putting the smile on his face” 

The smile dropped from Penelope’s face, she looked sad. Sad for you, sad for Spencer, sad for herself because she never thought Spencer was capable of those things. 

“What can I do love?” 

“Can you check for me? Find out if he is?” 

“Are you sure you want to know ? There’s no going back after this.” Penelope said to you as she sat in her chair, turning to face her monitor. 

Letting out a shaky breath, you nodded. “yeah, I want- need to know” 

“I'll find you later sugar, you should get back before they start to wonder” She gave you a smile as you left her office. You stepped back into the bullpen and made your way to your desk, Spencer stopped by your desk as he headed to Hotch’s office. 

“Hey” he smiled at you, you could feel your heart hurting already. 

“Hi Spence” you smiled back. 

“Almost done ? I can take them up to Hotch” he glanced at the files on your desk, you shook your head. 

“It’s alright, I've still got some more to do” 

“Okay, where were you ?” 

“You’re awfully nosy today Dr. Reid” 

Spencer chuckled, “Sorry” 

“It’s okay. I went to the bathroom and ran down to the IRT to see Kristy, she came to visit Matt” 

Spencer nodded and kissed the top of your head as he left. You watched as he walked up to Hotch’s office. Something felt off, even if he wasn’t cheating then he was definitely up to something. The pen tapped against the desk, your eyes glued to Spencer and Hotch in his office. 

They were two opposing personalities. 

Spencer was shy and quiet, liked to spend his time buried in books and ramble his way through a conversation and you loved that about him, but Aaron, there was just something about him. Aaron was bold, he was born to be a leader. Someone who didn't shy away from trouble, not that Spencer did but Aaron would let himself take the heat of the trouble over any of you. He made sure he was the one bearing the burden so none of you would have too and you admired that about him, you always have. 

A chime coming from your computer pulled your focus from the two men. 

From Penelope Garica: my office, 10 minutes babydoll. 

Penelope’s messages always brought a smile to your face but not today. Today was much different. She said she would call you if she found something and she did. Your heart sank in your chest when it popped up on your screen. Spencer was coming back into the bullpen as you were getting up. 

“Ready to head home ?” 

“Oh no, you go ahead. I have to go over something with Penelope and i’ll be home in a little” 

“You sure? I can wait if you like” 

“It’s fine Spencer. I’ll see you at home” 

You left him standing in the bullpen and headed to Penelope’s office. She spun her chair around when she heard the door shut. “Baby..” she started, her screens covered in emails between Spencer and a woman named Maeve. 

“I want to see you” 

“Hold your hand and walk together, no one would be able to stop us” 

“The sun to my moon, Spencer Reid. That’s what you are” 

“I love you.” 

Your eyes clung to that last line. 

“I love you.”

The same words he hadn't said to you in weeks. The words that used to mean everything to you now meant nothing. 

“Who is she?” 

“Maeve Donovan. She’s a geneticist, in her late 20s. There isn't much about her out there hun, I'm sorry.” Penelope gave your hand a squeeze. 

“How long?” 

“Beginning of last year. They exchanged numbers.” 

“His work number ?” 

“Personal” 

You nodded and let out a sigh. There was a weird sense of relief, like a weight lifted off your chest because you knew, you didn’t have to wonder if he was cheating. 

You knew he was. 

“Thank you Penelope” you kissed her cheek, she smiled at you. “I’m here if you need anything else. Call me whenever sweetie” 

Rushing back into the bullpen, you grabbed your car, Aaron was stepping out of his office as you hurried to the doors. “L/n! your reports?” “my desk Hotch!” you shouted back before running to catch the elevator. 

There was a rush, unlike anything you’ve felt before. You knew you couldn't stay with Spencer, especially when he was in love with Maeve, whoever she might be. It didn't make it any less painful, but it was what was best for you and you were all that matter because clearly Spencer didn’t feel the same way. 

Approaching the apartment, you could hear Spencer’s loud laugh from the other side of the door. When your key clicked in the lock, he whispered a goodbye to whoever he was speaking to. Spencer smiled at you when you walked in. 

“Sorry, did I interrupt your conversation ?” you asked, he shook his head. 

“No, it’s alright.” 

“Who was it ?” 

“Just a friend.” 

Just a friend, my ass. you knew it had to be Maeve, who would make him laugh like that? 

“oh your new friend Maeve?” 

Spencer’s smile dropped, he looked as if he saw a ghost. 

“Sorry should I have said your girlfriend Maeve ?” 

“How did you-” “so you are cheating on me? Let’s just make that clear” 

Spencer was at a loss for words and that’s something you don’t ever see. You headed to the bedroom to pack up your clothes. “Where are you going ?” Spencer followed you to the room, he watched you put the clothes in the bag. “I don't know, I’m not going to stay here” 

Spencer grabbed your hand, you pulled away from him. “Maeve and I.. we’re- we’re just friends” 

“Tell me you don't love her Spencer.” you stopped and looked at him. “Can you tell me that you don’t love her? That you love me instead?” 

“I do love you, y/n” 

“But you love Maeve more ?” 

“Y/n, please. Let me explain what happened” Spencer begging you. 

“Spencer stop, please. I don't want to hear it. I know you love me but you can’t love us both. Maeve makes you happy, and you deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with me” your voice wavered for a moment, you closed the bag. 

“It’s over Spencer” 

“No it can't be done, not like this” 

“Then what Spencer ? You want me to cheat on you too ? For a whole year nonetheless and then lie to your face ? Would that be okay ? Because That’s fair, right? You broke my heart and I break yours. Life isn’t fair Spencer, you of all people know that.” 

Spencer followed your steps to the door. “You can’t go” he sighed, “Watch me” you stepped out of the apartment and left as fast as you could. 

You drove around aimlessly for an hour, stopping in a parking lot to figure out where to stay for the night. Dave had a date, Emily had a sin-to-win weekend, Derek was working on house renovations all weekend so you didn’t want to disturb any of them. You thought of calling Penelope but you knew she’d already bed in bed and she deserves her rest. JJ had a full house, you could stay with Matt but he already has two kids and two more on the way, you’re sure they wouldn’t mind but you couldn't do that to them. By default, you ended back in the F.B.I parking lot. 

You took the back stairs up to the BAU. The bullpen was empty and only the desk lights were on. Tossing your bag on the door by your desk, you spotted your reports still on your desk. Figuring you'd take them up to Hotch’s office and he’d have them for the morning, you picked them up. 

Up the stairs and you pushed the door open, Aaron sat at his desk. A mug in one hand and a pen in the other. The two of you looking at each other like deer in headlights. “What are you doing here?” you both say at the same time, making you smile. 

“Um I forgot something” you stood by the door. Aaron glanced at his watch, “y/n, it’s 2:20 in the morning, what did you forget that was so important ?” 

“my chapstick” you lied, Aaron hummed.

He didn't believe you. 

“The truth, agent l/n ?” he asked, his eyes on his papers. You let out a sigh, do you come up with another lie or do you pour your heart out to your boss ? Aaron glanced up at you, waiting on an answer. 

“Spencer cheated on me and I found out. I ended it with him and I didn't know where to go so I'm here” 

Second one it is then. 

“Sit down” was all Aaron said to you. Making your way to the couch in his office, you quietly sat down and waited for Aaron to say something to you. 

An hour had passed and you made yourself comfortable on the couch as you watched Aaron do his work. Your shoes were on the floor and you curled into the side of the couch. You had dozed off at one point, only to be awoken by Aaron putting a blanket over you after coming back with another cup of coffee. The clock chimed as it hit 4am, Aaron finally shut the file he was working on and looked over at you. 

“Y/n” 

“Sir” 

“It’s just us, you can call me Aaron you know” he made his way over to you on the couch. 

“Don’t you want to get home to Jack ? You could probably be there for when he wakes up” you looked over the man that was sitting beside you.

 His hair was ruffled from his fingers running through it, his jacket and tie hung on the back of his chair and his sleeves were rolled up. His shoes seemed to be somewhere in his office, he shifted on the couch, bringing up a leg on the couch, his sock clad foot hanging off. 

“Jack’s at a friend’s house tonight. What happened with Spencer ? If you don’t mind me asking of course” Aaron leaned into the side of the couch, you let out a sigh. “That bad huh ?” Aaron joked, making you smile. 

“Well, he had been distant lately but he seemed happy and I knew it couldn't be me making him happy. I had Penelope do some digging for me, you know, just in case he was” you said, Aaron gave you a look when you mentioned Penelope. You put your hands up defensively, “come on Aaron, it’s only fair. You know he probably would have done the same.” Aaron nodded, waiting for you to continue. 

“Penny found a bunch of emails between him and some woman named Maeve from last year to now. I asked him if he was cheated and he didn’t deny it so I left. I wasn’t sure where to go and I ended up here” 

Aaron just looked at you. He too, was at a loss of words. 

“I can transfer him” Aaron said, you shook your head. 

“Thank you but that won't be necessary. Spencer made his choice. He can continue to work with me without issue, like he did when he was lying to me” you leaned against the backrest of the couch. Aaron smiled at you. 

“You’re always been a tough one y/n. I admire you for that” his hand reached out for yours. You smiled at him, your hand in his, Aaron’s hand fit in yours like you were made for each other. Your side pressed into the couch, your eyes felt heavy. 

“Hey, come here” Aaron stretches out his arms, you look at him, unsure if you should go. “It’s okay, I don’t bite” he chuckled. Shifting on the couch, your back rested against Aaron’s chest, his arm wrapped around you. 

“Comfortable ?” 

“mhm hm” 

--

“Be quiet” Penelope whispered to Emily who was taking pictures. Spencer and Derek walked in to see them standing by Hotch’s office door. “What’s going on?” Derek asked, jogging up the stairs and Spencer followed him. 

Derek and Spencer both halted when they saw what was in front of them. Hotch was laid on the couch and you were on top of him, your head on his chest and his arm resting on your back. 

Derek looked over at Spencer, Spencer’s eyes glued to his boss and his ex cuddled up on the couch together. Derek grabbed Spencer’s arm and dragged him over to the other side of the door. 

“Okay what the hell is that Reid ?” 

“Uh I um-I don't know” 

“Stop bullshitting Spencer, you know everything. Now why is y/n cuddled up with Hotch right now?” 

“Derek I-” 

“God, just spit it out Spencer!” 

“I cheated” 

Derek looked at Spencer, his eyes wide and he was in shock. Did he mishear him ? Was this a dream ? 

“You did what ?”

“I met this woman, Maeve and she’s amazing and she makes me so happy... happier than y/n did” Spencer whispered that last part. Derek didn't say anything, he was still trying to process what Spencer had just said. 

“How could you ?” Derek asked him, Spencer’s heart dropped. His best friend was disappointed in him. “They did nothing but love and support you and this is what you do ? you cheat on them ? I never expected this. I care about both of you but I can’t believe you right now.” Derek left Spencer standing in the hallway. 

“Babygirl should someone wake them ? We have a case” Derek’s arm wrapped around Penelope’s shoulder, her arm around his waist. Before Penelope could answer, Hotch’s phone rang. The ringer woke the both of you, you sat up as did Hotch. You rubbed your eyes, you saw Derek, Penelope, Emily and Spencer at the door. Hotch went over to get his phone, he didn't notice the company you had. 

“Y/n, we’ve got a case” he turns to you, your eyes on the door. Hotch followed your eyes to the door, now seeing the group of agents at the door. “Good morning everyone, we have a case. Wheels up in 30, we’ll brief quickly and then get on the jet.” Aaron walked over to the door and shut it. 

You watched everyone walk down into the bullpen from the window before turning to Aaron. “I think we should talk” you say quietly, “about ?” he begins unbuttoning his shirt. 

“What are you doing ?” your eyes wide, confused as to why your boss was undressing in front of you. “Changing my shirt” he pulls on out of the drawer. “Hm anyways, I’m pretty sure they’re all wondering why I was asleep with you when I'm still with spenc- oh shit, I'm not with Spencer” 

“Are you going to tell them ?” Aaron asks you while tucking his shirt into his pants. You nodded as you walked over to him, you pulled up the collar of his shirt, you tied his tie and rested your hands on his chest after fixing the collar. 

“Yeah I am” you leaned up slightly and gave Aaron a kiss, he smiled against your lips and kissed you. 

“Let’s go” you walked out of the office, Aaron followed you to the briefing room. “Goodmorning, are we ready to start ?” Aaron asked as the two of you settled in. “Okay I have to ask” Emily started, “What the hell was that ? You’re sleeping with Hotch ? wWhat about Spencer ?” Emily turned to you. You shook your head and looked over at Spencer, his head hung low. 

“Spencer cheated on me, I didn’t know where to go, I ended up here and I hung out with Hotch last night. That’s all. Now can we get back to work ?” 

The room went quiet, you could feel the tension building in the room, the eyes shifting in the room from you to Spencer to Aaron. 

“The sunshine state requires your presence, my crime fighting darlings!” Penelope started, pulling the attention away from you guys. 

--

The flight home from the case was quiet, everyone had gotten over the cheating fiasco, Spencer sat on the couch at one end of the jet and you sat at the other end across from Hotch. He was working on some paperwork and you were reading a book, everyone else was asleep. 

“I'm going to get some tea, would you like some ?” you put the book down and stood up, “maybe some coffee?” he mumbled and you nodded, “I'll be back” you walked down the jet to the coffee machine. You could feel Spencer’s eyes on you as you walked past. You walked back towards Spencer and sat beside him on the couch. 

He closed the door that was in his hands and rested in on his lap. “Hi” he whispered, “hi” you whispered back. 

“Can we talk?” you asked him, he nodded. 

“Why’d you do it? I’m not upset, I just- I need to know” 

“Would you believe me if I said I never meant to ? She was helping me with my headaches and we began talking. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed her company until it was too late” 

You just let out a hum, you didn't even think his answer was worth a response.

“Y/n, I promise you,” he reached for your hands, you watched him but didn't move, “I never meant to hurt you, I will always care about you and I'm sorry. I really am.” he said to you. Spencer seems genuine but you weren't quite ready to forgive him. 

“I don't forgive you. I don't know if I can but.. I appreciate it. Can I ask you something else ?” 

“Anything” 

“Did she know?” you look at him, his eyes on you. 

“About ?” 

“Us, did she know you were in a relationship?” Spencer paused for a moment, he nodded. “She did” he said and you chuckled, “some girl you got there Spencer” you stood up.

 “I’ll be by on Saturday for my stuff, I'll be there from around 9 or 10 until 5 so can you leave during that time ?” 

“Uh sure, that's fine” 

You left Spencer on the couch and you went to make the coffee. You returned to Aaron a few minutes later with a mug. Sitting beside him this time, your head rested on his shoulder, “thank you” he smiled, you nodded, “of course” 

“Who were you talking to just now ?” 

“Spencer” 

Aaron put down the pen and turned to you. “What ?” “I just needed to know Aaron” you sighed. 

“What did he say ? Just remember I can still transfer him” Aaron smiled at you, his comment made you laugh. “He said he didn’t realize they were so into each other until it was too late” Aaron face twisted into a weird expression, “oh okay then” 

“mhm hm” 

“What are you going to do now ? You have to get the rest of your things, right ?” Aaron looked down at you. Shifting, your head now resting on his lap, his fingers running through your hair. “I do, I'm going over on Saturday” you mumbled, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Do you have somewhere to stay ?” he asks you, his eyes on you. “I was thinking of staying with you if that’s okay ?” your eyes were still closed and you couldn’t see him but Aaron had a smile on his face.

“Yeah, I'd like that” he leaned down and kissed your forehead. 

---

taglist: @mac99martin @aaron-hotchner187 @tclaerh @luke-alvez @iconicc @lieberhers @pumpkin-reads @katexrichardson @sluttytears @thelukealvez @scandinavian-punk @laurenxreynolds @haleymalaffey @shotarosleftpinky @mrs-dr-reid @hqtchner @averyhotchner @willlemonheadsupremacy @ssa-autumn-hotchner @potter-reid

#spencer reid #spencer x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid #ssa spencer reid #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid imagine #aaron hotchner #hotch #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner oneshot #aaron hotchner imagine #cm #cm imagine #cm imagines #cm oneshot #cm fanfic #cm fic #criminal minds #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds fanfiction

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #89

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

Brittany S. Pierce (Jagged Little Tapestry) 

Brittany S. Pierce is in her room tidying up when her beloved new fiance Santana enters the room, takes one look at what’s standing next to the bed, and promptly flips out.

“What the fuck are those?”

Brittany grins as she comes across the bed, and to the large, life-size standees of two of her closest friends, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. She puts her arms around them, admiring the fact that she has them in her room. “Oh, Sue just had them lying around in some storage unit,” she says casually - as if everyone has cardboard cutouts of their friend in their room. “I was thinking, and I had an idea, and sometimes it helps when you have a giant visual of the thing.”

Santana shakes her head vehemently in horror. “Brit, I already said no to the foursome.”

“No, not that,” Brittany says, waving her hand. Santana is so silly sometimes. “I’ve been conspiring with Coach Sylvester about how to get them back together.”

“Okay, that sounds like a bad idea,” Santana says. She takes Brittany’s hand and leads her to the bed. “This is the woman who wanted to shoot you from a cannon.”

“I still think if I had the proper wings it would have worked.” Sometimes she worries that Santana’s scope is too limited.

“Alright,” Santana gives in. “Dare I ask - what are the two of you up to.”

Brittany bounces on the bed in excitement, and grabs her phone off the nightstand. “Well - my plan is twofold. I decorated Blaine and Dave’s apartment to be the gayest looking thing I could. Because now, when Blaine enters his home, all he can think about is gay. And who is the gayest person he knows? Kurt.”

She shows Santana pictures of their apartment, which is decorated aggressively in rainbow colors. It’s a little hard on the eyes, but so is the idea of Blaine having sex with Dave Karofsky.

“Yeah, I don’t know…” Santana says, not looking impressed as she scrolls through the phone.

Brittany snatches back her phone. “And then for Kurt - I set him up on a dating app. He doesn’t know how to use it, so I made sure the algorithm set him up with only men over forty. And the older they are - the more he’ll miss his grandpa-looking soul mate.”

She shows Santana. Santana’s jaw drops as she looks at the profile. “How do you know how to use one of those apps?”

“My genius brain helped me figure out the settings,” Brittany replies, squirming back and forth at her own genius.

“Brittany,” Santana says in utter shock. “These men are well over forty.”

“I know,” it’s the one part of the plan that worries her. “There’s a couple of very good looking ninety-year-olds on there, so we just have to hope that Kurt doesn’t fall for their charms. I came pretty close to falling in love with one of them.”

“Okay, Brit, I know your heart is in the right place, but I doubt either of those things will work,” Santana says.

“That’s okay, because Coach Sylvester has a great back up plan,” Brittany says. Personally, she’s a little sad she didn’t come up with it herself. “She’s going to lock the two of them in an elevator with a bathroom until they kiss and rediscover their not so buried passion for each other.”

“Okay, that’s called kidnapping and also is insane, and I really don’t want you to be a part of that.” Santana shuts off the phone and gives her a serious look. Brittany’s well aware of the look - it’s Santana’s lecture look. She really doesn’t want to hear a lecture about how her brilliant ideas aren’t brilliant, but Santana will soon be her wife, so she supposes she should at least try to listen.

“Alright, but don’t you want them to have the happiness we have?” Brittany argues. “Remember how happy they were? And we spent time apart and found each other again. Why can’t they?”

“I get it, Brit. I do,” Santana pulls her in, placing their heads together. “But as much as I might have once mocked them - I do think that what they had was real. And if they need time apart to figure themselves out, that’s totally valid. And if they never get back together, that’s completely valid, too. We can’t force them to do anything they aren’t willing to do in the first place. And no amount of manipulation from you or Coach Sylvester is going to help bring them back together. They’re going to want to do that themselves. I know you care. I actually do, too, if you can believe it. But let’s hope for their happiness above all else.”

Brittany lets out a heavy sigh. “Yes, but I’m getting so impatient waiting.”

“Well, that’s just life.” Santana gives her a soft kiss on the lips.

“Well, okay,” Brittany gives in, as Santana draws her in for more kisses. “But if they get back together before we get married, I’m totally inviting them to be married with us.”

“Fine,” Santana relents as their kissing becomes deeper. “If Kurt and Blaine somehow magically reignite their ill-fated romance just in time for our wedding, I will allow them to join us on the altar.”

“Yay! Then we can have that foursome!” Brittany happily claps her hands together.

Santana immediately pulls back, alarmed. “Brittany - I don’t care how much Kurt is your magical unicorn, he is not putting his special horn anywhere near my secret garden.”

#99 perspectives #s.o. writes things

[bau-baby]

the ultimate loss. 1/?

aaron hotchner x gn!reader

Summary: Haley was your friend, and you’re dealing with her loss, just as Aaron was. When the grief subsides, what happens to you and Aaron?

Word count: 1,880

warnings: grief, loss

(A/N): Because it took so long for me to finish this, I decided to end my suffering of trying to figure out where to take the storyline within this fic and get to work on a part 2. Sorry for the wait!!

W.S. Gilbert wrote, “It’s love that makes the world go ‘round.” And if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. 

You remember the first time you saw the Hotchner family unit in their own element. It was definitely a sight for sore eyes. The total admiration and love Haley and Aaron had both for each other as well as their son, Jack, was unmatched. You were out in their backyard, sitting and watching Jack run around while chatting amongst yourselves, hearing old stories from before your time at the BAU. Your friendship with Haley only grew from there.

Haley was my best friend since we were in high school. We certainly had our struggles, but if there’s one thing we agreed upon unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son, Jack.

You were there for them through all the hell that led up to the divorce. You watched as Haley tore herself up for thinking of leaving and saw how Aaron buried himself in his work to distract him from the problem. You knew that Haley loved Aaron and that Aaron loved Haley all the same. It was just a matter of the time the job took away from them, and ultimately what was best for Jack.

Haley’s love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn’t here today. 

After the divorce, you tried to visit Haley often, filling her in on how the team and Aaron specifically were doing. You’d help out with Jack, and he ended up adoring you and your visits. Haley grew to you quickly as well. Sure, you were friends before, but your caring nature made you two become much better friends outside of the connection you’d had with her being the boss’ ex-wife.

A mother’s love is an unrivaled force of nature, and we all can learn much from the way Haley lived her life. 

The fear in her eyes when you went in with SWAT to get Haley and Jack was something you’d never seen from her before. She was one of the strongest mothers you knew. She did everything to make sure her son was happy. When she got to the hospital, you saw how she talked with Aaron. You saw the twenty-year-old smile lines shine through to their faces, and you realized that you had missed their lifetime of being together. Sure, you had the hilarious retellings of high school and college-age Aaron, but you think they lived through a whole other world before you showed up. 

Haley’s death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives to measure who we are, and what we’ve become. I don’t have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together, and I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him and how much I loved her.

You never realized how close not only you and Haley were, but how close you and Aaron were until after Haley and Jack were put into WITSEC. You and Aaron kept each other sane while they were gone, and you both worked just as hard on finding George Foyet. You’d spend late nights at Aaron’s apartment pouring over the details of the case, hoping something will jump out of the files and tell you where he’s hiding out and what he’s planning, but to no avail.

If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us… she would tell us to love our families unconditionally and to hold them close ‘cause in the end, they are all that matter.

You were in an SUV by yourself, racing against the clock to get to Haley and Jack as you listened in on the call before you. You could hear the strain in Aaron’s voice, the way he had to keep everything at bay to keep a somewhat strong front. You heard Haley as she cried, making Aaron promise to tell Jack about how she and Aaron loved one another and loved him, and to tell Jack of times when Aaron wasn’t so serious. You made your own promise then, a promise to keep Haley’s memory alive in Jack, and to make sure both Aaron and Jack are taken care of. 

When the three shots rang out, you put your foot to the floorboard and sped to Fairfax. You knew Aaron was doing the same thing. You had to make sure that he and Jack made it out of this alive, and had to put Foyet away for all the pain and suffering he caused. 

I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school’s production of The Pirates of the Penzance. I found our copy of the play and I was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed… appropriate for this moment. “Oh dry the glistening tear that dews that martial cheek. Thy loving children here in them thy comfort seek. With sympathetic care, their arms around thee creep. For oh they cannot bear to see their father weep.”

You see the car Hotch used in front of his old family home, and you dash inside the house, brandishing your gun as you checked the house. That’s when you hear the sound coming from the formal dining room area, a harsh thumping and loud sobs belonging to Aaron. You see him over what used to be Foyet, and you run to him, pulling him away.

“He’s dead, Hotch! He’s gone! You’re okay!”

He breaks down crying from there, an inconsolable man crying at the feet of his ex-wife’s killer. 

-----

Something you never thought you’d have to do was not only bury a friend of yours but also comfort her inconsolable husband and kid. As Aaron spoke of Haley and all that she was, you stood off his left shoulder, a hand resting on Aaron’s shoulder as well as Jack’s.

You just stared down at the casket, tears staining the top of your coat. There wasn’t a dry eye as you all listened to a mourning husband who was sharing more of himself right now than he ever has or will again. 

You feel a small hand tug on your sleeve, and you look down to see Jack staring up at you. You crouch down, taking your hand off Aaron’s shoulder. 

“What’s up, buddy?” Your shaky voice asks, even though you tried to keep an even tone.

Jack doesn’t even speak, he just wraps his small arms around your neck and burrows his head into your shoulder. You hold a hand on the back of his head, hoping and failing to hide him from the harsh reality in front of him.

When the service ends and you’re all passing Aaron and Jack, you hang back for a second to look at all the roses on Haley’s casket before walking over to the sullen-eyed man.

“I just wanted to say that if either of you ever needs anything, I’m a phone call away,” You crouch down to be at Jack’s level, “Take care of your dad, okay buddy?” He nods, looking up to his dad. You stand back up and spare one more look at Aaron before walking over to one of the few cars left by the curb. 

-----

JJ gets the one call you dread as you sit around the table, all not-so-subtly glancing out the window to Aaron and Dave throughout your time conversing. The entire team then shifts their gaze to you, variations of sad, knowing looks gracing their faces. They all know that you and Aaron have been close since you joined, so they always looked to you when someone needed to talk to the big boss man.

To save you the embarrassment of being under their gaze, Morgan sends you out to grab Rossi while also realizing you’ll end up talking with Aaron.

The cool air that hits you as you step out onto the patio mirrors a lot of what this day and all the days you’ve lived without Haley have felt like. 

“Rossi, they’re calling us for a case. No other teams available, unfortunately,” You say, sending a sad look to Aaron as you say it.

“Aren’t you comin’ kiddo?” Rossi says, already making small steps towards the door.

“Yeah, uh, I’ll catch up with you guys in a few,” You say as you angle your body towards Aaron. 

“You should really be with the team, they need you,” Aaron says, his eyes taking particular interest in the railing in front of him.

“Aaron, I’ll be there when they need me to be, just like I’m here when you need me to be. Right now we’re both struggling with a loss, and the team understands that,” You say, reaching over to rest a hand over his, “Let me help you, grieve with you. Please.”

He sighs, and you can feel and hear the tears in his voice as he asks, “Can-” he sniffles, “ Can you help me keep my promise?” 

A look of confusion dashes across your face, trying to figure out what promise he was referring to. Then, you recall Haley’s words you heard in the SUV, her final words, making Aaron promise that he will show his son how he and Haley loved.

A small, earnest but sorrowful smile settles on your face, “Of course, Aaron. I’ll spend the rest of my life helping you keep that promise, and I’m sure the rest of the team will too.”

He finally moves from looking out at the world away from the patio to looking at you. He pulls you in for a hug, and you can feel the tears come down on your shoulder. He stays like that for a long time, even after the tears are gone. He finally pulls back and sniffles, reorienting himself. You knew that he was vulnerable, he just hated showing it.

“You really should go, the team needs you for the case,” Aaron says, not wanting to push you away, just taking his time to grieve. You relent, nodding your head.

“Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, and I mean it, Hotchner,” You say, a playful sternness in your tone, even if you were genuine. You see him give a small smile as you make your way back inside.

You both were grieving. He lost an ex-wife whom he still loved, a friend, and the mother to his young child. You lost a friend who was more like a sister, and someone you cared so deeply for.

Both of you could hear the faint bells going off in the back of your head, alerting you of something you couldn’t- wouldn’t- address.

Too much, too soon.

That’s all that anything was these days. Too much, too soon.

But, as with everything in life, sometimes you have to face things head-on. Needless to say, that virtue was not something that came easy to you or Aaron.

But what was to happen when those bells started ringing a whole lot louder?  

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x reader fluff #aaron hotchner x reader angst #this took forever #don't even get me started on the formatting #the ultimate loss

[nachohypno]

Nate and Dave Ch. 11

It’s been a while.

…Not a very long while, though. It was just a week ago or so when I lost my virginity to a werewolf. Who just happens to be my soulmate. And thus, has to obey everything I say.

Neat.

Getting up from my bed was always a hard task for me. And that sounded way sadder than I intended. Point is, school starts in like half an hour and I’m still not even up. I was, of course, doing this on purpose.

I’m not that eager to go to school, but it’s my responsibility and I respect that. I was just having a little experiment though.

The sound of an indistinguishable car parking in front of my house, some heavy footsteps later, a knock on my door. I had opened my window, so I could hear everything that went down as he opened the front door and ran up the stairs.

A few moments later, Dave the jock entered my room and closed the door behind him. “Why ya still in bed?”

Everything fell into place. “Bed gravity is killing me right now, barely want to move” I excused myself, but I did wonder if Dave knew that I was waiting for him to notice I didn’t answer his daily [Mornin, my love<3], and feigned being late to school to make him come over.

I mean, I didn’t intend on making him come over, I just wanted to see how he would react to it. Dave was usually pretty pending on what I’m doing, and wants to take part to make sure we spend lots of time together.

It’s cute and scary at the same time, things that happen when a werewolf just so happens to see you as their soulmate.

“Ditchin’ school? Is it just me or you suddenly become way more attractive?” He dropped his bag on the floor and pushed me against the wall to make room for himself, then climbed on the bed and lied down beside me.

“Wait, we’re not ditching school. I mean, it does sound good, but we still have to—” He interrupted me. Dave liked to do this when I’m about to bring something up that will probably ruin the moment, it was a good life-saver. He invaded my mouth with his tongue, while trying to remain as gentle as always.

I could tell that wasn’t an easy task for him, but he tried his best and it really showed.

Sadly, I had to pull him off. “Wait, we gotta head to class, I don’t want to be late and you’re doing great progress lately.”

“Huh, y’think so?” Dave mumbled, trying to get closer again but I gently pushed him back. I was tempted to just stay in bed and cuddle with him all morning, but if I wanted to help him become a better guy at the end, I should give the example too.

“I legit think Ms. Porter will cry with joy if you actually finish that book for her essay.” I replied, kissing his cheek before passing over him and leaving the bed.

I think I helped him a lot at school, not only with his shitty behavior but also with his studies. Dave wanted to be a good guy for me, because I didn’t trust him before with all his shitty hot-headed attitude.

…He still had it. But he tried to be nicer.

“Hmm… I’m up for it, that bitch’s made my last year a nightmare. Tryna make me do extra essays n’ stuff” I would let that slide, because everyone hated Ms. Porter. She did give everyone a lot of essays. I’m okay with it, I enjoy reading, but even those books aren’t that interesting.

Dave got up from my bed, and passed a hand over his hair. I noticed it was a bit brighter than usual. It wasn’t combed, but he seemed to have it stylized with gel to be a bit spikier, in contrast to his usually short, wavy and parted to the left style.

“Well… I didn’t even shower yet but—”

But the werewolf was already determined. “No shit, bro. We’re not going late, that’s what ya just said. C’mon, looking great already, as always” Dave grabbed my bag near my desk, placed it on my back before grabbing his own bag and my hand, pulling me out of my room.

“Hey, I can’t go to school in pajamas- Oh you know what, never mind, I’ve done this before.” I quickly changed my answer mid-speech. I sighed, ‘I’m supposed to be the one in control here and I’m being dragged out of my house. Let’s change that back’ I told myself.

“Dave, I order you to stop,” I said firmly, as we reached the living room. The jock obeyed without hesitation, freezing in place. I couldn’t see his face right now, but I assumed his eyes were a bit zoned out, like they always get when I order him something. “And let go of my hand, if you may.” He obeyed that too, his arms falling to his sides as the werewolf waited for more orders.

Alright, let’s see.

I grabbed a yoghurt cereal bar from the fridge, that would make a good breakfast. I used my reflection at the microwave’s glass door to fix my hair as best as I could, before I decided to walk upstairs and finish the deal brushing my teeth and washing my face.

I checked my clock, we still had quite some time. At least 17 minutes until the first class *actually* started.

I changed my tee into something less pajama-y and my pants for some jeans. Now I was looking appropriate for school, the last thing I needed was being sent to the counselor’s office for having a sudden “Lazy day”.

Believe me, it happened before and it could happen again.

Walking back downstairs while biting a big chunk of the cereal bar, Dave was still frozen in place. I could take a good look at him now, and I liked the view.

The big football player had, as I expected, zoned out eyes and a bit of a dumb smile. He wasn’t wearing the bowser collar I got him, which made sense because we were about to enter school.

A lumberjack buttoned shirt that seemed to cling pretty well to his muscular body, a tank top underneath, and some black joggers. I took a moment to unbutton the top button of his shirt, so his pecs would be a bit more visible. It gave him a cuter look, while also being like “Yo, I’m really muscled”. I chuckled at the little impersonation I just imagined.

“So, uh… you can wake up, I think?” I was still a bit unsure of how this all ‘I control your mind and body’ thing worked, but I was getting the hang of it pretty well!

The zoned out jock blinked a few times before starting to move again. “Oh, hey bro. When did you change clothes? You look stunning as always, huh.” He mumbled, before leaning in to give me a kiss and walking out of the house with a big smile.

He really didn’t care if I controlled him or anything, he would just roll with it. I was sure he actually enjoyed it, he always looks excited when I suggest he do something. Ordering him to do something may just trigger his puppy boy side to make sure I’m happy, maybe? It’s just a theory without any fundamentals.

It’s not like there’s a book about werewolves anyway. Not that I know of, I guess.

Beep! Beeeeeeep!

Dave was now using the car’s horn to make me hurry. I grabbed my bag again and walked out, joining him at his car and receiving yet another amazing kiss.

“I’m sorta sad when we have different classes,” He started, as he drove away from my house and towards the school. He was trying to hurry, but while maintaining the basic driving security measures. Guess the big guy wants to be a responsible driver, huh. “That means less time admiring your handsome face, my love”.

“Aaaand, more time to focus on your studies. You know that I get really proud when you study like a good puppy boy, don’t you?” I was about to caress the back of his ear, but that would have been dangerous. He shouldn’t zone out while driving.

“Yessuh, I’m a good puppy boy!” He beamed up, but remained focus on the road. A few minutes later, we were arriving at the almost-empty parking lot. Dave pulled over and turned off the engine, before pulling me in for one last kiss. This one was particularly longer than the former ones, I loved it.

“A lil’ present, don’t know how I’m gonna survive these shitty classes without you…” He leaned in towards my shoulder, laying on it. I did what I intended to before and caressed his good spot behind his ear. The big guy started panting, tongue lolling out.

“C’mon,” I said, checking my phone with my free hand and stopping the sweet moment. “We’ve got a few minutes left. Gotta go in, puppy boy.” His eyes seemed sad, but he nodded.

Dave grabbed his bag and left the car, and I followed suit.

We hurried to the main building, and I noticed that Dave seemed hesitant about something. His hand was almost touching mine as we walked, but he made sure it was several centimeters apart so nobody would suspect anything.

I always wondered if it was hard for him to keep himself apart from me. I definitely didn’t mind, but we still had things to work out if we wanted this to really end up well.

…Dave hates when I imply that we’re two guys in a relationship, when he’s the one that brought it up and asked me to be his boyfriend. He’s still pretty homophobic, yeah, but he works around it pretty well.

Still considering himself straight isn’t bad, I guess. I’m more worried about the other targets he used to torment. While he’s not a bully anymore, he also wouldn’t lift a finger to stop something from happening right in front of him, except if I’m the one in danger.

It’s not like I want him to be a superhero, and I do find his ‘mean jock’ attitude kind of attractive, (When it doesn’t terrify me, of course.)

“Just before we enter, let me remind ya that you’re the best guy in the universe, my soulmate…” He wanted to lean in for a kiss, but quickly got back on my feet and blushed.

“Good luck today, big guy” I tiptoed and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Love you too, by the way.”

Before he could react though and pull me in for a make out session at the school’s gates, I entered the building and headed to my locker. The disappointed but infatuated jock followed behind me, and went to his own locker.

Everyone seemed to be already going to their classes, so I guess I was still safe.

My first class was advanced math, and while it wasn’t that difficult, it wasn’t ideal either.

All the seats were taken already, except the one next to one of my two best friends. Sadly, Dick wasn’t in this class, and Sam didn’t seem happy to see me.

“Coming late to school? That’s a new thing.” He greeted me, as I sat down and took my stuff out of the bag.

“I like to think that I’m not late if the professor hasn’t arrived yet” Speaking of which, I noticed the guy was actually arriving late today. It was like 10 minutes past the class’ start. “Uh… did I miss a text or something? This one’s never late, huh.”

 “No no, don’t summon him just yet. We can fast-forward to a later meeting so we can all go home earlier. That sounds good, yeah” Poor guy, he’s speaking with himself now.

Sam had been elected last year as our council’s president, with a lot of effort and dealing with each of the “cliques” around school.

...And it seemed to be worse than he planned it out to be. You see, one of his promises to get the jocks’ votes was to increase the budget for the sports teams, which included the cheerleaders in the bandwagon.

That sounds cool, but in reality they already had more than enough budget dedicated to them, so we had to start raising funds for future events, or the sports team would eat it all.

Parents with their “bring and sell food for the school” events helped quite a lot, I’ve never been happier to see a random mother bring a plate full of nachos and hot dogs to sell at school.

“So, I’m supposed to ask the whole council about this, but I’d like to lay out my options first…” Sam took The Mighty Notebook from his bag and placed it on the middle of the table, pushing my things aside. ‘How rude!’ I thought, but didn’t give it too much importance.

“A sexy car wash is-” “Out of the question” I interrupted him “This isn’t a teen tv show. We can’t sexualize our football players.”

“Well, you can, you just don’t want to. Anyway… Cake sale?” My friend took a pen and crossed out the ‘sexy car wash’ option.

“People’ll get tired of it if we keep doing those. Parents already sell food at sports games and they’re not exactly rare to see, we have one almost every two weeks.” I hated being the party pooper, but if it helped him pick the right choices… “It can be done, but we can rehash that idea too many times. That’s what I mean.”

“Oooookay” He didn’t cross that one out, but instead added a big “(?)” next to it. “Last one I thought about, for now, was a winter’s ball kind of thing. Selling tickets for prom is apparently a great way to raise funds, but I’m not waiting until the end of the school year for that.”

“We’d need the principal’s permission for that but… you should discuss that one with the cheerleaders, they’ll love the idea. The more ‘prom nights’ there are, the merrier for them, huh?” This time, he made a tick next to the option, like it was validated for the meeting later.

“I wish we could do something like the drama club and just put up a lame production and sell overpriced tickets… Parents would pay anything to see their sons, right?”

“Uh, I guess so. They would probably be pretty mad if we fucked up the show, so let’s leave that one out.” Sam seemed a bit tired. I could maybe ask Dave for a little help with this whole thing, he would know what to do.

Hmm… or maybe, Dave’s ex-girlfriend?

“You should talk with Leslie.” I gave Sam a little tap on the shoulder and pointed at the girl a few rows at the back. She hadn’t noticed us, but she was really nice and tried her best to get to know me. We even sat together, like once! “Pretty sure she’d have some cool ideas that don’t sound taken from a bad movie.”

“You think so?” He took a moment to breath, relaxing on his chair. I honestly wanted to help, but I’ve never wanted to be his secretary because I’m not good with coming up with this kind of stuff. Pretty sure anybody could do a better job than me in that area. “I’ll try to catch her in the corridor. Just… don’t stare and be cool, right? I don’t wanna come off as a perv, geez. We also have this party tonight, so could I maybe approach her there? I dunno...”

The professor made his way in, with an angry look on his face. We straightened on our seats to avoid getting his attention, I don’t want to be called out by some asshole in a mood. To finish with our council chatter, I whispered to Sam a “I’m sure you’ll do fine, she’s not the devil, right?”

He chuckled a bit before answering “Don’t let Dick hear you, I kinda think he has a crush on one of those chicks.” I rolled my eyes, such a cheap gossip.

-------

If I told you that nothing else interesting happened during the day, I wouldn’t be lying. 

I barely got to see Dave, just had lunch with him at the yard’s lunch tables before being separated again. He ditched football practice, and I did the same with today’s council reunion because I had a headache.

I got into an argument with a professor, too. The first class in the day, but it wasn’t anything worth looking into. He thought he was right, and he was too mad to check he wasn’t right at all. Almost got sent to the principal’s office, but I dropped the subject just in time.

I did share a classroom with Dave for the second class but… we got separated by Sam’s need to plan out his next meeting. You see why I ditched the reunion today? I wanted to rest!

Lucky me, my savior was just a few tables away, and knew exactly what I needed.

He waited for me to put my stuff back at my locker after our last class ended, and took me to his car.

I first thought he was just driving me to my house, since we didn’t speak about him staying at all, but there were no questions asked apparently. The big guy decided to give me a good time, as he pulled over in front of my house, walked around the car and lifted me on his arms.

I felt like a little brat, but it also felt amazing. Having someone who cares about you on such a deep level, like Dave does… I love it. I love him. And he loves me.

The jock opened the door with one of his hands, kicked it shut and took me to my room.

There, he softly left me on my bed before putting a strip show in front of me. Or I wasn’t really sure what that was. He just threw his shirt and jeans over to my desk chair and started searching through his school bag.

The silence was a bit boring, but I felt like talking was unnecessary right now. I just wanted to know what he was planning for the evening. He pulled out the bowser collar, huh.

“Never leave the house without it, bruh” Dave said.  “What’ya waiting for? Get on your underwear, we’re doing some great cuddling t’night!”

“Uh, okay. I like where this is going...” I mumbled, before starting my own strip show. Sadly, Dave barely paid attention to me, he was trying to put on the collar by himself, but he was having some trouble.

Before dropping my pants, I walked over to him and clasped the buckle for him, tightening it enough so it wouldn’t fall off but also trying to make it comfortable for him to wear. “Hmm… Perfect, my love…” He whispered in a sexy voice, before planting a warm kiss on my lips. 

I thought we were starting already, but the big guy started to run towards my bed and lied down with his arms reaching out for me. “C’mooooon, can’t wait for youuuuuu!”

I rolled my eyes and dropped my pants. Still in my underwear, just like the werewolf jock, I walked over to my bed and got grabbed by my boyfriend there.

Laying down on bed as Dave pulled me closer to his warm, almost-smooth body.

The bowser dog collar around his neck wasn’t sharp enough to hurt me, so I didn’t worry about that and just let myself be grabbed by this hunk of a jock.

“Enjoyed your day, my love?” He asked, looking at me with adoring eyes. It wasn’t creepy, I liked it. He barely acts like this at school, so his change of ‘big meanie alpha bro’ to ‘lovesick puppy boy’ was amazing to see.

“Ugh… I almost fell asleep at Mr. Cal’s class. So glad it’s Friday again…” I mumbled my answer. I tried to avoid mentioning the argument with my professor, but I’m pretty sure my class mentioned it already. Dave was pretty straightforward though, so he would probably mention it if he wanted to.

I know that I could easily not be tired if I would go to bed earlier at night, but those monsters are not going to hunt themselves in Monster Hunter, right?

“Wouldn’t mind spending all weekend just hugging you here…” Dave whispered, before placing a gentle kiss on my head. His hand was moving towards my private area, but I wasn’t going to stop him. I liked how it felt. “Just taking care of my lovely soulmate…” Another kiss, this time moving closer to my mouth.

When it comes to sexy stuff… I suck. Like, not in the literal hot way, I’m lame at it. I don’t like bottoming much, because I’m a bit of a wimp and I’m afraid of being hurt, but having Dave as a top is such a wonderful thing (After you go past that little pain at the beginning, the rest of the thing goes in like nothing) probably because he focuses too much on me having the most pleasure out of it.

So, I usually let Dave take control of the situation and just guide me wherever he wants to go. It’s not like we fuck every day though; I’ve only had my first time like a week ago. My werewolf jock would be up for it if I ordered him to, not going to lie.

But like, if we did that, it would kind of lose the magic of the moment? Like, I know Dave loves sex but even if it feels good the two times we’ve done it so far, it’s not like it’s a game-changer or anything.

So… cuddling and foreplay was the best thing ever!

“That’s sweet but don’t you have a party tonight? Sam has been talking all week about a—” I got silenced, the kiss was now happening at my mouth, cool. That’s what I get for trying to ruin such a good moment, I’m glad Dave stopped me.

His hand slipped in my underwear as he took hold of my cock and slowly stroked it. Meanwhile, we made out without a care in the world.

My breath got heavier. I felt so good at the moment, and Dave seemed to want me to stay like that for a good while. He would slow down the pace of his strokes or pick it up at just the right times.

…I had an idea.

I passed my hand through his hair as we broke the kiss, and he just looked at me in bliss. “Who’s a good puppy boy? You are, don’t you?” I whispered the question, to get him in his puppy mood.

It worked like a charm. Dave’s strokes slowed down a bit, as he started caressing himself with my hand, like a dog would do. “Yeah, bruh… Imma good puppy boy”

I ruffled his hair a bit more. “And every good puppy boy needs a good owner to take care of them, right?”

Okay, it may seem like I’m trying to do something weird or kinky here, but I actually wanted to try and make him a bit less… self-centered? I already had full control of him, due to our soulmate bond, but maybe if he saw me as a superior… He wouldn’t be so careless about others? Like he’s not at the top of the pyramid anymore?

But it didn’t work as intended, or at least not as I expected. Dave shook his head, without losing his chilled and happy expression. “Good puppy boys take care of their owners, bruh. Wanna protect and serve mine to make ‘im happy.”

It definitely wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it worked pretty well. “Who’s the owner though, puppy boy?”

“Really need me to say it?” The werewolf jock seemed a bit embarrassed to give his answer, as his cheeks turned red and he stared at me very intently. I nodded, of course. I came this far already, what I’m going to say? ‘Oh, no, I was just messing with you hahahaha well good night!’ “You’re my owner, bruh. Didn’t ya know that already? I love doing as you say…”

He leaned in for a good kiss. “…And I love you, my lovely soulmate.” He finished. Now I was the one who blushed. After that, the jock lied down beside me and pulled me to cuddle together. “Now come here, I need to make my owner feel good”

It did feel good to hear that I’m his owner. Oh geez, do I have a domination kink? Uh… I think that kind of explains why I love seeing him wearing that bowser collar, beside that it makes fun of the fact that he’s a werewolf.

He’s my good puppy boy, after all. “So, how are you going to make your owner feel good, puppy boy?” I roamed his big chest with my hands as I waited for an answer. I don’t feel like I say this enough, but I’m lucky to have this guy as my soulmate.

Dave raised an eyebrow, and spoke with a confident tone, but still curious. “What does my owner want me to do? This puppy boy will take care of it, whatever it is, huhuh”

Ooookay, if my cock was hard before, then it was aching right now with how horny I was. “Truth is, been a while since we’ve had some… action?” Oh god, I felt so dumb saying something like that. I think Dave would have laughed at me, but he actually seemed turned on by what I was implying.

“Fuck, been wanting to hear you say those words in like a week.” He kneeled on top of the bed, after pulling his underwear off. His cock was hard, as usual. I wonder if he jerks off at his house or if he’s just eager like a big horny werewolf. Speaking of his cock, Dave placed himself in such a way that his cock would be right in front of me. “C’mon bruh, show me how those lips work-”

“I was actually expecting you to suck mine off… Never did this before” If I felt dumb before, imagine how I was now. Dave seemed to try and find a solution, though.

“So, uh… never 69’d before?” I shook my head, and he let out a little sigh, but never stopped smiling. He was just a soft marshmallow when we were alone, I liked that about him. “Let me show ya”

I remained lying down, as Dave did all the work. He crawled over to my cock, got on top of my body and moved until his cock was on my face and mine was near his. The jock licked the top, giving me a little jolt of pleasure, like a little preview of what was about to come.

“Just… relax, and open wide. Not everyone can take my snake during their first time, heh” It made me wonder how many times he did this before. Or how many times did he had sex before. 

I leaned forward and smelled his dong. It wasn’t bad, so I proceeded to take the piece of meat in my mouth. It didn’t taste bad at all, it was actually pleasant. I wiggled my tongue around the tip, and I could hear the big guy starting to pant already before he dove in for my cock.

‘Hell yeaaaaah’ I thought, before focusing on my own part of the job. It was a bit hard to do due to the position, but it was doable, at least. I wasn’t able to deep throat (Not that I’ve ever done that before, saw it in porn and uh… it would be nice to try out?) due to the position, too.

“You’re doing great, my love…” Dave pulled off for a second to say, before going back to the action. I felt compelled to order him something, just like the first time he gave me a blowjob. It was always so hot, looking at him doing as I said…

“Uh… hey Dave, could you take it all in and work around that?” I ordered him, way calmer than this morning. It still seemed to work, because he took my whole shaft in one go and I could feel the motion of his mouth going up and down, taking it all every time. It felt really good, but I had to return the favor.

I tried to pick up my pace too, to make him feel as good as I was. I know that I can’t possibly compete with a werewolf under the soulmate bond, he would definitely… uhhh. “I’m coming!” I warned him, but he didn’t move an inch.

The big guy took my whole load, and licked the rest of my shaft with his tongue to avoid letting a drop of my cum go to waste.

And now, it was my turn…

Dave had this order still on him. “You will cum only after I cum.” Not saying that he’s precocious but… he does seem to cum right after I’ve been pleased. Maybe he finds that hot already?

My train of thoughts was derailed by the sudden explosion of cum in my mouth. It activated my gag reflex, so I pulled off and just swallowed the one that was already in my mouth. Part of my mind found it hot, while the other found it a bit gross.

Dave was still at 69 position. I looked over at his face and he seemed to be back in obedient puppy mode. Tongue lolling out, and eyes glazed over. It was a hot sight.

“C’mon big guy, did a great job down there. Let’s just cuddle for a while, alright?” I told him, wanting to cover myself so badly. I felt a bit naked without a sheet over myself. Luckily, none of our loads fell in my bed, or I would have to change the sheets.

“Yeah, bruh…” He mumbled, before doing as I told him. He repositioned himself next to me, and lied down. His muscled body was an amazing sight, and I pulled him in for a hug.

“Who’s a good puppy boy?” I whispered, loving the feel of his warm skin against mine.

“I am, bruh. I’m a good puppy boy for my owner… huhuh…” A dopey smile appeared on his face, and I proceeded to plant a kiss on him. I wanted to write down today’s progressions or something, I still had that ‘study Dave’s behavior’ on my mind. But it seemed kind of clouded now that I was focused on taking a little break with him beside me.

It was always good to spend a good time with my lovely werewolf jock.

--------

Chapter 12 is already available in my Patreon!  And by pledging you also get access to other stories before they go public!

#nate and dave #mind control #werewolf #straight to gay #gay hypnosis #hypnotized #brainwashing #brainwash #brainwashed

[nicolebehariewce]

KELLEE TERRELL: What about being in the Black Mirror universe appealed to you?

NICOLE BEHARIE: First, I just really like genre and sci-fi and imagining the world, the future. That, and Black Mirror is one of my favorite television shows and one of the only ones I look forward to. It's also nice to see people of color on-screen and [Charlie Brooker, the show's creator] has done a good job of creating a diverse world in their universe.

Also, a year ago, they wanted me for a part for a different episode, and I wasn't available. So this time around when they called, without even reading the script, I was like, "I am not going to miss the opportunity. I'm in!"

KT: I read that "Striking Vipers" was shot in Brazil. If that's true, Nicole that's like a free vacation and a paycheck.

NB: Listen. When I first read the script, I felt like the story and my character were pretty domestic, so I was sure we were going to shoot in Atlanta or Los Angeles. Then they told me we would be shooting in Brazil and I was like, "What! Come again?" And with all the different architecture and the beautiful, lush outdoors and how that world was constructed, it was so beautiful. Plus, it was like a free vacation, and it was amazing. 

KT: This episode is such an intense exploration of sexuality, marriage, and technology. What did you take away from it?

NB: The themes were spot-on and on time, especially for Pride Month. As a culture, we are currently going through a period that is more approving [of the LGBTQ community], and more of us realize there are a lot of different ways of loving, living and choosing your life.

As a woman who grew up in the South and was raised in West Indian culture, there are things that "were not allowed." Luckily, throughout my career, I have been able to explore some of that, just like in the film Shame with sex addiction and now [with "Striking Vipers"]. And as an actress, I am always interested in how women exist in these different spaces and how they confront and deal with the expectations placed on them.

KT: Theo is juggling a lot. Being a good wife, a good mother, and wanting to get pregnant again, but still wanting to be sexy, seen and content.

NB: Exactly. I feel like in the very beginning of the episode, Theo had ownership of her body and her sexuality then fast forward to her speech where they are sitting at the table at the restaurant, and she says that other shit [that is opposite of how she used to be]. Now she is raising a family and, in her mind, things are different. Her body is different. And this is real. Often women are living that life and also trying to be fulfilled and wanting to be able to be honest in their walk. 

KT: Let's also talk about the intersections between black masculinity, male friendship, and sexual desire. Because let me tell you, when Karl told Danny he'd virtually slept with a polar bear and it wasn't as good as it was with him, Black Twitter was shook.

NB: Yes! I love how this explores black male masculinity and all of that unsaid things that people whisper about and don't say out loud because they are afraid. And I don't even think Charlie Brooker and the other folks behind it were even aware of that particular conversation when casting us.And when I look back at the scene with [Anthony and Yahya] kissing and that was all about these two brothas' trying to figure it out — and figure it out together. In the end, that's what everyone is trying to do — black, white, trans, whatever — somehow figure out how we fit into this world being ourselves.

KT: Let's also talk about that ending! While Danny is getting his yearly dalliance on with Karl, Theo is also getting hers at the bar. I thought it was empowering and even feminist that she isn't just sitting at home letting him have all the fun.

NB: Honestly, I have mixed feelings about it.

KT: Really? Do tell.

NB: I mean, I think it's cool that there is some type of balance, but it's also kind of sad. I don't know. Why can't Danny play online with Theo instead? But as an actress, there are times when we play parts we don't necessarily agree with, but that's the beauty of this work.

KT: Throughout your career, you have been in so many things, but genre looks really good on you, especially with Sleepy Hollow and now Black Mirror. Why is it so important for more black women to be portrayed in sci-fi and horror?

NB: Whether it's Black Panther or Get Out, I think it important to expand what the world looks like and for us to have the power of letting our minds fly in these different universes. It's also important for actors to have these breaths of experiences in their craft. Super early on in my career, I had a conversation with someone about my skill level, and they were telling me what I needed to work on in order to be in these types of projects. And my response was that it's not that I don't have the ability to do this, I just don't have the same opportunities to do it. But things are changing, slowly, and it's an exciting thing to see.

But even in genre, black women can get stuck cast as the strong and long-suffering archetype. I would love to see the neurotic, quirky black woman because to me, genre is about trying new things, not staying in the box and I hope we can keep building that out, because I'm here for it.

KT: Your fans really missed you and Sleepy Hollow's Abbie Mills, so when the trailer for Black Mirror first came out, people were beyond excited to see you back on television.

NB: Wait, really? Is that true? I took a social media fast from January to March, so I'm so out of the loop.

KT: I swear. I wouldn't play with your emotions like that. [Laughs] Every three months, folks on Twitter want to know where you've been and when you're coming back.

NB: Wow. That's so awesome to hear. I mean, I knew I have fans and that I was missed, I guess I just didn't know it was to this extent. Maybe I'm just too reclusive and shy. It's funny. There was this Iconoclasts interview between Dr. Maya Angelou and Dave Chappelle where he asked her about how she handles criticism and admiration, and she said something to effect of, "I don't pick it up and I don't lay it down." I try to do the same, because I still have work to do and I don't want that to change. I don't want me to change, you know? But I am so grateful to be seen and just know that I see y'all who have been there with me and with Abbie. I appreciate you and feel this love. So while I might not be on Twitter all the time, I am reaching out and connecting with you all through the work. We got some metaphysical shit happening between us. 

KT: Finally, what's next for you?

NB: I don't think I can talk about it yet, but I have some really cool things cooking that I am excited about. Some of it will be familiar, and then there will be things that some people are going to be like, "OMG, Nicole is really going in!" So you will just have to stay tuned. [x]

#Nicole Beharie #Nikki Beharie #black mirror #Striking Vipers #abbie mills #sleepy hollow #black love #love #lgbtq #black girl magic #nicolebeharie

[clickbait-david]

The Boy Is Mine - David Dobrik Imagine

summary: in which david throws a party and a lot of stuff happens.

word count: 2,100

warnings?:  none today

a/n: i wrote this a couple weeks ago and i really don’t know how i feel abt it but i hope ya’ll enjoy

Request || Masterlist ||

The party David had thrown was now in full force, and people were dancing, drinking and doing anything to get into David's vlog.

You had been standing across the room from him, leaned up against the wall as you talked to Natalie and Corinna sending him a small smile when he looked over to only receive a wink back from your boyfriend.

It hadn't been until now that you had realised that the two of you hadn't spoken since people had begun filling up his house but it was pretty nice, having spoken to separate groups but you couldn't help but notice how good he looked as Joe had been talking to him.

He had been absently swiping his tongue across his chapped lips as he focused on what Joe had been saying and all you wanted to do was go over and press your needy lips to his. However, you held yourself and continued speaking to the girls nodding your head along to the song that was loudly playing in the house.

"Girls I want to get drunk," You said out of nowhere as they just laughed and you told them you'd speak to them later as you went off to find Heath and Zane, knowing full well if you wanted to go crazy they'd be the people to see.

"Zane, pour me one," You shouted as you found Zane in the kitchen pouring drinks, as he gave you a cheeky smile before nodding and passing a cup over to you as the two of you downed the drink, and he poured another.

- - -

It had now been an hour later, and you wouldn't say you were drunk but more so the tipsy kind where you stumble over yourself, and you were now craving to see your boyfriend whom you hadn't spoken to all night.

Assuming he would still be in the same spot he had been over an hour ago you had been surprised when he wasn't stood there anymore and neither was Natalie or Corinna so you couldn't ask them where he had gone to.

Although you spotted one of your friends Matt and hoped he would know where he would be. "Matt" You gushed as you walked over and gave him a big smile glad to have been able to find one of your friends.

"Hey Y/N what's up, it seems someone has had a bit to drink" He laughed as you just gasped and denied it, although you both knew you were very much lying.

"Matt have you seen David, wanna see his pretty face" You sighed a pout on your lips as you looked around and he was still nowhere to be seen.

"Oh Y/N I haven't, I did see him near the living room about an hour ago, but since then I have no clue," He said giving you a small smile.

"Oh Okay, I'm sure he's somewhere around here. Thanks though Matt" You said giving him a quick hug as appreciation before deciding that your best bet would be to walk around the house and hopefully find him.

You went to all the rooms of the house, to only not find him until you opened the door to his backyard now seeing Him and Suzy speaking, a spark of jealousy hitting you when you thought back to what you had seen on your twitter feed about someone saying they thought Suzy had a crush on Dave.

Although you knew Suzy was a sweet girl and you had nothing against her knowing she could crush on whomever she wanted but now being drunk and the two of them being out here alone, other then a few people minding their own business you had began to feel jealous. A feeling you didn't often think around David.

You had been standing there for about a minute completely lost in your thoughts before you dazed out and realised neither of them had noticed them yet, and you hadn't been looking for David this whole time not to bother even seeing him.

"David" You called out a huge smile on your face that you had now been able to speak to your boyfriend. "I haven't been able to find you" You spoke a pout on your lips as you reached where he was and wrapped your arms around his neck pressing a quick kiss to his lips before you took your arms off his neck and turned to look at Suzy with a smile.

"Hey Y/N" Suzy said a small smile on her face as you could see her fidgeting with her fingers now that you had arrived.

"Hey Suzy," You said your jealousy dying down a bit as you had gone to your common senses, but you had still felt that small tinge in your heart. "What were you and Dave speaking about," You asked although you knew you didn't have a right to know.

"Oh, nothing important to be honest," She said, looking at you awkwardly as if she didn't know what to do. "Just two friends having small talk" She smiled crossing her arms from the fresh air which you had begun getting cold by as well.

You just nodded as David let out a small chuckle looking down at your face, as he had known why you had been so invasive into his conversation. However, he hadn't understood why you had been worried about Suzy, from his prior knowledge the two of you were good friends.

"I better go back inside otherwise I'll freeze to death" Suzy spoke with a small laugh as you just laughed along with her, glad to finally have some alone time with David as she walked back inside.

"I've been looking for you" You once again had a pout on your lips as you now faced him and had your arms around his neck there is barely any space between you as you just admired his pretty face.

"Well I'm here now aren't I" He laughed swiping his tongue against his lower lip after the words left his mouth.

"Don't do that" You whined as you couldn't help yourself and pressed your lips against his as you felt him chuckle on your lips before kissing back.

"Do what?" He said after pulling away and crossing his arms with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Also someone seemed a tiny bit jealous" He spoke a smirk on his lips as you bit your lip not realising how obvious you had been.

"Hey, I was not jealous" You spoke playfully smacking his chest. "And so what if I was, I hadn't spoken to you all night, and when I finally found you, you were off speaking to another girl" You muttered as he just smiled at you.

"You have nothing to worry about Baby, Suzy is genuinely the most harmless person, and I know you're a bit tipsy right now, and Sober y/n would also know you're overreacting" He laughed a gasp leaving your lips as he told said you had been overreacting.

"Whatever, I never overreact" You spoke feeling a cold air pass by you, and you wondered why you were still outside now. "Can we please go inside, It's freezing out here, and I want another drink" You spoke and didn't let him respond as you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside and towards his kitchen pouring yourself a drink and downing it in one go.

"Be careful there, don't want you to be too wasted" David spoke playfully as you just stuck your tongue out and decided that one shot of vodka wouldn't hurt anyone as you also poured that out.

"Want one?" You asked already knowing the answer as he just shook his head laughing as he watched your face turn to one of disgust as you downed the shot. "Ew, I don't know why I always take vodka shot they're fucking disgusting" You laughed as you held onto David's arm as you had now both been walking away from the kitchen.

"David Zane's being crazy, some good clickbait" Heath spoke drunk as he pointed towards where Zane was pulling a crazy stunt as David got out his camera and began walking towards where Zane was as a large group of people started surrounding them as David was now lost to you in the crowd.

You couldn't help but feel sad that David had been gone from you again, and sure you knew it was his job to film the guys for content, but you hadn't seen him all night and wanted him to yourself.

So as you downed some more drinks, it wasn't long till you were properly drunk and now you didn't care who you would be interrupting you wanted to see David.

And yet it seemed like the millionth time tonight that you hadn't been able to find your boyfriend whom frequently had a large crowd around him.

"Natalie" You whined extending her name as you frowned and stomped your foot like a toddler who didn't get the toy they wanted. "The fuck is David, you saw him?" You sighed doing another once over of the place to see no sight of him. "I swear to god he always does this and disappears when I want to be by his side" You whined once again.

She let out a small laugh, having always enjoyed the drunk side of you come out because you became the most clingy and needy person ever. Not that it was terrible or anything, just adorable. "Sorry Bubs, I have not" She spoke as you just nodded and decided to vacate yourself next to her until you found him.

So as the minute turned to an hour you began to feel your eyes close, head resting against Natalie's shoulder as you heard her speaking to someone about how people were starting to leave but you had been too tired to open your eyes.

- - -

Minutes had gone past which felt like hours, but alas it had not been that long.

"Hey Baby" You heard the voice you had been wanting to hear as you snapped your eyes opened and now saw for yourself that the majority of people had begun leaving David's place. "Heard you've been looking for me" He laughed an appreciative smile sent to Natalie as he placed your arm around his waist and guided you to his bedroom saying he would be out soon to his close friends which still stood chatting in his living room.

"I love youuuuu" You gushed as you now sat on David's bed the door now closed as he was grabbing some spare clothes you had left at his place.

"I love you too" He laughed as he was now stood in front of you the clothes he had grabbed for you in one hand as the other hand was being pushed through his hair. "How we going to do this" He laughed as he put the clothes beside you.

"I'm too drunk to dress, help me please" You begged to lay back down on the bed as exhaustion had hit you before he grabbed you and helped you to sit up again.

"Okay stand up and turn around" He ordered and you did as he said, he then unzipped your dress as it fell to the floor him grabbing the shirt and bottoms helping you into them before then letting you get into his bed as he walked to the side of the bed you had been snuggled into.

"come to bed," You asked or more so begged as he had to shake his head as you grabbed onto his shirt and made him fall onto you. "Please" You spoke looking into his eyes as he just smiled at you.

"I promise I won't be long, the sooner I get back out there, and everyone leaves the quicker I can come back to you" He spoke as you just nodded and he got back up. "Goodnight Bubs, I love you" He whispered as he pressed a kiss to your cheek before walking towards the door and turning off the light as you fell into a deep slumber

It wasn't long until everyone left, people now tired and David could finally go and see his girl who was now very much passed out.

He managed to get changed and got into bed beside her with the light still off as he wrapped his arms around her and fell into a deep sleep himself.

Him being completed and utterly endeared by the girl sleeping next to him.

#david dobrik imagines #david dobrik #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik smut #david's vlogs #Zane Hijazi #corinna kopf #liza koshy #vlog squad #vlog squad imagines #david dobrik party

[andrebeltis]

I LOVE YOU AS MY BESTFRIEND (By: Dave Andre Beltis G11 HUMSS1

Once upon a time, there was a girl named kathryn, she is 17 years old, a senior high school student at Ateneo de Manila University. She is very famous in there campus, because of her angelic face, nice attitude and she has white skin. In short she is very an ideal type of girl. She is also one of the top students in there school, because of her high grades and extra curricular activities. She had a boy bestfriend named Daniel. He is tall, moreno and handsome. He is one of the famous boys in there campus. He is a varsity player in volleyball. He is very caring and humble person, he is very kind person and most importantly he is gentleman. In short he is an ideal type of boy. He is sometimes badboy. Because of her attitude and physical appearance, many girls in there campus has a crush on him. Daniel and kathryn are bestfriends since they were grade schools. Because they were neighbors,since then daniel and kathryn are classmates since grade school to senior high school. But secretly kathryn likes daniel. It’s starts when they were first year high school. Kathryn slowly liking daniel because they always see each other everyday. Because of the attitude of Daniel, kathryn admires him alot. When kathryn is sad, daniel is always right beside her to cheer her up. He is always right there for her to take care of her. But she didn’t want daniel to know that she likes him. Because shes scared on what things might gonna happen next or in the future, or what consequences will she faced if she will confessed her feelings towards daniel. That’s why she keep that secret.But her cousin Julia and her parents know about it. In her room,under her bed,there was a small box. Inside was her diary, letters about daniel and all of there pictures together are there. Eveytime she opened that box and write a letter about Daniel makes her blushed. (One afternoon on the hallway of their campus) While kathryn was walking with her friends. Daniel run fast towards them. And screams kathryn’s name, so that kathryn will notice him. Daniel: kaaaaaatthhhh! (He screamed) Kathryn: (she knows very well whos that voice is) (She turned around and saw daniel running and shouting towards her) Kathryn: Myghaaddd Dj why are you shouting?you seemed see a ghost?what’s the problem? Daniel: (sighs) well I have something to tell you (he smiled) Kathryn: Ohh I know that face sign is ookkkk. (Daniel holds her hand and run) Kathryn: Djjjjjj (scream) my hand it hurts (At the parking lot, in front of Daniel’s car) Kathryn: ok? So what are you gonna tell?hmmmm ( she stare to daniel) Daniel: hmmm. promise me you won’t shout or scream or don’t be surprise Kathryn: ok promise (smile) Daniel: I like someone and I want to court her. Kathryn: (laughs) omg I didn’t even knew that you know how to court a girl (Inside her, she expected that she is the one who will court by daniel but it turned out this) Kathryn: soo? Who’s that girl( inside her: I hope its me,that girl mayne the luckiest person in the world) Daniel: I like her for so long. I’m sorry kath cauz I didn’t tell you early about this. I like samantha Kathryn: (shocked) ohh yahh samantha (fake smile) Daniel holds kathryn’s hand and say “ kath! Im really hoping that you will help me to court her, if its ok to you my best friend?” Kathryn: if its for you and if your happy with it why not?im your bestfriend now and forever...even if there’s no forever( laughs) Daniel: there is forever for us right my bestfriend? Kathryn: ofcourse dj, just call my name and Im always right beside you ( smile and hugs Daniel) After that conversation they both went home and still kathryn cant move on, she still remembers the things daniel told her. Kathryn: why not me?(she cry)she get her diary from her box and she wrote all the things happened on that day. Afterwards she feel asleep because shes tired and sad. Samantha is there schoolmate since high school. She looks sweet girl but she has a bad attitude but everytime daniel is arround she just turned to pabebe. Many girls doesn’t like her because of her bad attitude. She is the cheercaptain of the cheerdance of there campus. So it means Daniel and samantha merely see each other everytime they have a practice on the covered court. (After 3 years) Many things had changed on there lives. Daniel and kathryn didn’t see much because they were busy on there study. They are now 2nd year college. Kathryn took up secondary education manor in english, while daniel took up a engineering. After a year of courting, samantha and daniel are now together. Because of being a charming and gentlemen of daniel, samantha fell in love to him. Kathryn helps daniel to court samantha , she is the one making the gifts, brainstorming the ideas on how will daniel courts samantha. Daniel doesn’t know that kathryn is hurt, she is in pain she cried every night, but still then he helped daniel court samantha. Until samantha said yes to daniel. The ideas that kathryn planned are the things the she hope daniel will do it to her. Everytime kathryn see daniel and samantha in the campus shes in pain but she just thinks that she should be happy because daniel is happy as a bestfriend. If daniel is happy then kathryn should be happy for him too. One day,Kathryn clean her room, because her cousin julia will come back home from USA. Kathryn and Julia are very closed cousins, since they were kids until now. Kathryn shared all her secrets, problems in life and also Julia knows all about Daniel. Julia is 1 year younger than her. It’s exactly 11:00 am that day. After kathryn cleaned her room, she decided to take a bath. She didn’t know that daniel will come to there house. When daniel is already outside there house, he rings the door bell, then Kathryn’s mom is the one who opened the gate becaue there maid’s is at a vacation. Daniel: Hi tita Goodmorning (with a big smile) he hugs kathryns mom Mom: Oh Dj Hello goodmorning also,you’re so gwapo and tall ha. Mom: Long time no see Dj. How are you now? Daniel: Well tita, Im still cute and handsome(laughs) just kidding tita, Im fine tita thankyou for asking. Daniel: Is kathryn inside tita? Mom: Yes, I think shes in her room Daniel: Can I go to her tita? i just need to see her, because we didn’t see and talk each other that much in school. Mom: Oh really?just go inside, I will just lock the gate, then I will cook for our lunch. Daniel: Ok tita Thanks! Daniel went to Kathryns room, when his already inside. Daniel: Kath?Kath? Are you there? (Inside the restroom) When kathryn is taking a bath, she heared a voice, kathryn knows whos that voice is. Kathryn: Dj? Is that you? Daniel: Yep yep, I’ll just wait here kath ok? Kathryn was surprised because Daniel went to their house to see her. It’s been a long time since Daniel go to kathryns house. While Daniel is waiting, he sit down to kathryns bed, while he looks around the room. He noticed a small box at the table. Because its very colorful and small he get it without even knows that all things inside the box is all about him. Kathryn is still at the restroom while daniel opened the box. When he gets the first letter he reads it. After be reads that, he then reads all the letter. Daniel: whattttt? (Confused) kathryn likes me?( whispered to him self) He then saw all the pictures of them with a description at the back.He is confused.Daniel asked him self Daniel: But why? Why didn’t she tell me? When kathryn already finished taking a bath.She went outside the restroom. She is shocked when she saw daniel was on the floor with the box. Kathryn: Dj? Why you opened that? She want to get the box but daniel stay away from her Daniel: what is this stupid things kath? Kathryn cant talk she is speechless, because her fear is that daniel will know her secret and now it is happening. Kathryn: Its just nothing Dj Daniel: nottthiinggg?!! I just reed all of it Kathryn: So what now Dj?are you happy? Daniel: Happy?for what?that you keep a secret? Kathryn: Why you cant just say it?sayy Itttt djj Daniel: what? That you like me?you like me?!! Kathryn: Yes Dj I like you, Im sorry that I fell in love with you, You don’t deserve me, Im stupid ,Im a stupid bestfriend (she cried) Daniel holds her hand and says Daniel: Kathh plss no don’t cry( he wipes her tears)you are oe of the greatest blessing and gift that God gave me, Im just scocked on what I saw, but Im sorry kath, I Love you as my bestfriend. After 4 weeks, Daniel and kathryn didn’t see each other since the day Daniel went to Kathryn house. At the hallway Daniel and Samantha are walking then suddenly Daniel saw Kathryn at the bench. Daniel: babe, I just need to get something at the library, you just go first to the library ok?I’ll just follow you at the court ok? Samantha: Ok babe see you Then Daniel runs toward kathryn Daniel: Kathh?Can we talk fo a while? Kathryn: Hi dj, for what? Daniel: about the things happen.... She covers daniel mouth Kathryn: blablabla, omg Dj judt forget that Daniel: No I will not Kathryn: Its up to you, I have something to get on the library byee Daniel: ok kath see you... Kathryn runs so fast, while Daniel is standing seeing kathryn run he whispered to himself Daniel: I miss you so much bestfriend (sad face) And then ge look back and go to the court, while kathryn runs she suddenly collided with a guy. Guy: Im sorry Kathryn: Im so sorry (they look at each other) Guy: be careful next time miss (then he smiled) Kathryn: yeah I will thanks ( smile) And she walk fast The guys wants to get the name of kathryn but smhe didn’t ask because kathryn walk so fast, he thinks kathryn is in a hurry. After 2 months Kathryn went to daniel house she calls daniel through phone Kathryn: Hello Dj, we need to talk Daniel: Hi kath, right now? Kathryn: Yes right now Daniel: Ok wait I will just change my clothes Kathryn: You dont have to Daniel: Why? Let me ask you where are you now? Kathryn: Im already outside in your house dj Daniel opened the curtains and saw kathryn. He fastly go down stairs and went outside. when daniel is already outside kathryn suddenly hugs him tight. Kathryn: I Love you so much dj(she cried) Do you love me too? Daniel noticed that kathryns was kinds drunk, he smelled kathryn Daniel: wait kath?, did you drink? He gets kath to his chest and hold her shoulders. Kathryn: No dj I didn’t drink(laughs) Then again kathryn hugs him tight Kathryn: Dj I love you so much please love me too Daniel: Are you crazy kath, Have a girlfriend Kathryn: Please break up to her for please Daniel: You are just drunk kath thats why you said that Kathryn kissed daniel, but daniel pushed away kath Daniel: Are you crazy kath?!! Kathryn: please love me dj Daniel: I told you last time, I love you as my bestfriend nothing more nothing less After that Daniel drive hone kathryn. Actually it’s kathryn first time to drink and be drunk.She is with someone. After 3 days kathryn apologizes to Daniel. Daniel forgive her,they become still bestfriend. Everything was doing well and ok now. Daniel and Samantha are getting stronger. While kathryn is till on the process of moving on and accepting the fact that she and daniel are only bestfriend. She is now focusing on her studies and to herself. (After 3 years) They graduated. Kathryn became a teacher in a university while daniel became an engineer in a private company. Last 3 years when they were at there 2nd year college. Kathryn and her parents decided to buy a new house and it simply means that kathryn will transfer from another. After they transfer from there new house. Kathryn and Daniel didn’t see each other, they have no phone calls at all because she threw away her sim card so daniel will no longer call her, she ended there communication.She had no hard feelings towards Daniel but She think it is better if they have no communication, she wants to move on to all those things happened in her life, and she wants to move on to daniel too. One day, Daniel was assigned near where kathryn was working. Daniel was new to that place because it is way too there house.The workplace of daniel was a bit near to where kathryn is working. Its lunch time, Daniel with his workmates decided to buy there lunch at the university near there workplace, it is where kathryn is working.Some of Daniels workmates told him that they always eat and but there lunch at the university since it is yummy and affordable.While entering the gate, They walk at the hallway, Daniel look around, when he suddenly saw a tarpaulin with the pictures of the new comers teachers.When he is looking the tarpaulin he suddenly noticed a girl, Daniel: is that kath?(he whispered) When she saw the picture of kathryn he seems very happy and excited to see her since their workplace and the university is very near. He can visit kathryn anytime he wants. But his problem now is to find kathryn in the university. After they buy there lunch they decided to go back to their office to eat their lunch while going out Daniel told himself Daniel: I hope we see each other again kath (smile) I will find a way to find you (After 1 week) He decided to visit the university since he has now the confidence to face kathryn again. He ask some of the students in the campus. Daniel: Hi goodmorning! Do you know Ms.Kathryn? Student 1: Oh hi sir Goodmorning also. Wait who?Ms.kathryn?(student1 look at student 2) Students2: Oh Ms. Kathryn Bernardo the new teacher of the campus. Student 1: oh I remembered Ms. Kathryn is the new teacher. Daniel: Oh great! Actually Im finding her, where is her room number or office by the way? Student 2: 3rd floor at SAC building near the cafeteria I think its room number 134 Daniel: Oh that building at the left?(he pointed the SAC building) Student 1: Yes sir Daniel: ok thanks guys God Bless Student 1&2: No problem sir have a great day! Daniel went to the building to find kathryn. When he is already at the first floor he whispered to himself. Daniel: Im here kath ( smile) The school is having a class since it is 10 am.When he is already at the front room 134 he peek out in the window to see if kathryn is there. When there is only the students he opened the door and go inside. He asked the students. Daniel: Hi guys Goodmorning!where is Ms.Kathryn Students: Goodmorning sir Student 1: He is at her office sir,she just get something then she will be back. Daniel: Oh really?Thankyou guys Students: Your welcome sir When daniel closed the door,he turned left and saw a girl walking towards him, since the girl was far,he can’t see clearly the face,when the girl is near towards him , that face is very familiar to him. Daniel: Kath? Kathryn: Dj?is that you? Daniel waits until the last class of Kathryn. It is already 3 pm (in the room where there is only the two of them) Daniel: how are you Maam Kathryn?(laughs) Daniel: Its been years since the last day we see each other. Kathryn: Yes its been so long since we see each other Dj, By the way what are you now? Daniel: Well Iam now a engineer at private company.Im really happy now that I see you again after a years. By the way where did you go?why didn’t you tell me kath? I worried a lot, I searched you on facebook but I cant see your account, Ive call you a lot of times but you didn’t answer. I ask many people but then they didn’t also know where did you go.Why did you leave without me knowing that your leaving? Kathryn: Theres so many things happened in the past years Dj,right? Kathryn: I just need some space to grow by my self and to find my own happiness. Kathryn: Im really also very happy that I see you again Dj Kathryn: So how are you now?How’S samantha by the way? Daniel: Well its been 2 years since we brake up kath Kathryn: Oh really?,Im sorry to hear that Dj. Daniel and Samantha broke up because daniel saw the true attitude of samantha, they have no time for each other, they already no spark, since then Samantha find her happiness to other guy, she had a secret relationship with other guy without daniel didn’t know. When the time Daniel knows the truth, he broke up to her. Since then daniel became single until now. Daniel: I realized that if could only bring back time I hope I choose you kath rather than samantha. Daniel: Kath Im sorry because I didn’t listen to you Daniel: I came back because I want you to be mine kath Kathryn was shocked on what daniel said. Daniel: I really missed you kath, can we bring back those good memories of us? Daniel: I want to make more memories with you kath (he holds her hands) Kathryn: Everything happened for a readon Dj, Im happy right now because I see you again but the things that you sa earlier is very complicated now Dj. Kathryn: now and the past are very different. Daniel: complicated?why is it complicated kath? Kathryn stands and walks towards the window Kathryn: Im getting married Dj (She shows her hand to Dj with an engagement ring) Daniel was shocked Daniel: but why? Kathryn: No dj, you should ask yourself why you didn’t choose me before, why you didn’t listen to me? Are you gonna still go and find me? If you and samantha didn’t broke up?Do you still gonna find me? Kathryn: Im sorry Dj , but I didn’t regret on what things happened in the past, because in that pain I became more braver, I learned a lot from that,I became a better version of myself. Kathryn: Im happy right now dj, I hope you will find your someone soon, someone that can love you, someone that can be your bestfriend, someone that will not leave you.We can still be bestfriends Dj,we can make memories together again. Daniel:Do you love me kath? Kathryn: (holds daniel face) I love you Dj as my bestfriend. Kathryn is getting married to James. James was that guy collided before by kath. Since the day James know the name of kath, he is always chats her, until they became close, he is the one who is always there for kath, he can make kath happy, he is the who cheers up kathryn everyday, he is the reason why kathryn moved ob from daniel, he always gave kathryn flowers and chocolates and gifts so that kathryn will be happy and so that she can fell that someone is loving her.After a year, they are now married and they live happily ever after. #creativewritingshortstory

[fallforcs]

I’m Not Dead Yet

Art by: @branlovesouat

Author: @rouhn

summary : Killian Jones is a dying man, he is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and so he wants to travel around the world to visit places he always wanted to see before his death. He places a newspaper ad to find a travel partner. David Nolan responds, but it’s not him who shows up a few days before the adventure starts - it’s his sister Emma. 

rating: T (language, topics)

trigger warnings: mention of brain cancer, mention of death

author’s note: To my dear readers! This story is dedicated to Nat who fought until the end and whose last days were the best he could have wished for. This event is a wonderful idea and I am glad I was able to be a part of it.

beta reader + artist: A big thank you to @space-whales. You are a wonderful and honest beta reader and friend who always help me improve my writing skills. Working with you was a pleasure because you make my stories better without changing my style. 

I also want to thank my artist for creating this lovely image set which doesn’t give away too much and the same time shows the beauty of the story behind the sad aspect.

“David, finally we meet in- You are not David Nolan, who are you?” Killian Jones stood on his doorstep, the doorknob still in his hand, surprised not to find his new partner for his three-month trip in front of the door, but instead a gorgeous blonde woman.

 “Hi, I’m Emma - Emma Swan, David’s sister.” The woman smiled at him apologetically and in this moment Killian knew what was going on.

 “He won’t come, will he?”

 Emma shook her head. Killian sighed, turned around and walked towards his kitchen.

 “Uhm,” feeling a bit lost, Emma raised her arm in question but in the end followed him slowly. She closed the door and took in her new environment. The apartment was beautiful, the blue and light grey painted walls a stark contrast to the dark furniture and decoration.

 “Can I offer you a drink, Swan?” Killian’s voice cut through her admiration and Emma found herself standing next to a small bar.

 “Sure,” she took two steps towards the huge window, “your apartment is beautiful.”

 “Thanks, love.” Killian appeared next to her, two drinks in his hand, “it will be available in about three months. Interested?” His casual question made Emma frown for a moment. She didn’t think a simple compliment of his apartment could cause such an answer.

 “Uhm, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” she turned a bit and saw that Killian didn’t seem to be offended by her question.

 “Don’t, Swan, I assume your brother told you about my situation?” Emma nodded and Killian went on. “So he decided to stay here with Mary Clarence?”

 “Mary Margaret. She is not a cross-eyed lion.” Emma snapped but regretted her behaviour when she saw his look. He had every right to be mad at Mary or David but still, Emma didn’t like his attitude.

 “Apologies. So David decided not to go on the journey with me, rather stay with his girlfriend.” Killian tried again but Emma corrected him once again.

 “Fiancé.”

 Killian’s jaw dropped but he pulled himself together quickly. “When did that happen?”

 “A few days ago. Look, I am not here to tell you why my brother isn’t here, I am here to offer you my company.”

 “You want to join me on my last journey?” Killian looked Emma up and down and suppressed a smile.

 “Yeah, buddy, do you have a problem with it? Maybe with me being a woman or me being blonde or I don’t know?” Emma started to get angry, but Killian ignored her outburst.

 “Well, I have to say, a woman as my travel partner is not my first choice, but that is not the reason I am surprised that you want to join me. It’s more– that I am irritated why a successful woman wants to go on a three-month trip, more or less completely cut off from her life here, that’s all.”

 “And why do you think I am successful?” Emma placed her free hand on her hip, the other one still held her untouched drink.

 “Dave told me. He told me a lot about himself, his successful, feisty sister and also his girlfr- I mean fiancé. He only neglected to tell me he won’t come with me.” Killian turned towards the window and sipped at his drink.

 Emma watched him for a few moments. He didn’t seem sick, he seemed healthy, strong, handsome, tall, dark-haired, and Emma could see, fit–as if he worked out as well. The only thing she disliked was his cocky behaviour but maybe this was his protective shield - his wall. She could understand why he didn’t want to let people in and why he held them at distance. She did that too, however for other reasons than being deathly ill. “I am sorry, Killian. Can we start over?”

 “Well, we haven’t really started anything yet, so I assume we can do that.” He sent her an honest smile and raised his glass. Emma did the same and sipped at the golden liquid. When the rum started to burn down the back of her throat she closed her eyes briefly.

 “Too strong?” The amusement in Killian’s voice made Emma open her eyes again.

 “No, I merely enjoyed the taste. I think I’ve never had such an expensive rum before. It’s exquisite.” Emma smiled at him and Killian returned the gesture before he walked towards the bar again.

 “Interesting choice of words, love. It’s called ‘Facundo Exquisito’. Take another swig and tell me what you taste beside the rum itself.”

 Emma stared into the amber liquid before she sipped at it again. “I would say there is something sweet like sugar or no, toffee.” Emma’s eyes lit up and Killian only nodded.

 “Well done. Anything else you can taste?”

 “Call me crazy, but I could swear I taste a bit of Cinnamon and Vanilla too.” Emma swayed her glass before she sipped at it again. Totally lost in the rich and sweet taste, she added with a dreamy gaze. “It’s gliding down my throat like velvet.”

 “And you are sure you are no connoisseur of expensive rum?” Killian downed his rum and refilled his glass, sending her an approving look which made her blush.

 Maybe this could work . At this moment Killian decided to give Emma a chance. He had three days left until the journey started–just enough time to get to know her.

 They sat down and started talking about his plans and about Emma’s conceptions and, after about two hours, they decided to meet again the next day. Killian had a good feeling, as much as he was disappointed by David’s decision, he was grateful that he sent his sister instead.

 Emma was indeed a feisty woman, she knew what she wanted and she also knew what it meant to be on such an expedition. It wouldn’t be a weekend trip or a couple’s vacation. Killian had a plan, a concept and a tight timetable. He had three months left to visit the places he always wanted to go to. His time on Earth was limited and so he wanted to make the most out of it.

 - CS -

 The following day they met again and Killian went through every detail of the journey. He liked that Emma asked the right questions like ‘how they got from A to B’ or’ if they were alone or with guides’. He appreciated that she didn’t ask him many personal questions. He wasn’t ready to open up yet, maybe he would not tell her anything at all, but he hoped that he could share his story with her during their journey.

 The morning of their last day in Boston, Killian woke with a headache. He hated headaches, they were never a good sign. Headaches could mean that the tumour has grown and his time would be up quicker than expected. He took a painkiller and continued packing. He already knew what to bring, it wasn’t the first time he went on such a journey, but it would be the last.

 Emma would be here in a few hours, he had insisted on her coming and staying for the night so they could start their expedition at 4:30 am. He didn’t want to risk any delays and he didn’t know her well enough to trust her word.

 When she appeared two hours later with a huge backpack and two boxes of pizza he let her in with a huge smile. He also had ordered in, but her gesture meant a lot to him. He was surprised that he didn’t have to repack her backpack and that she also had a list of items she carried with her. He never thought she was such a neat freak.

 It was 8:45 pm when Emma decided to call it a night. Killian showed her the bathroom, she deserved one last hot shower. He couldn’t tell her when she will be able to have one again. Emma enjoyed the hot water running over her naked form. Killian didn’t know that she still felt like hot showers were luxury. He hadn’t asked her why she had a different last name than David and she was quite sure David hadn’t told him either. They only were adoptive siblings. Emma had spent her childhood in the foster care system. Living in group homes was an adventure in itself. She was used to eating only small portions or only every other day and showering was something she only was allowed to do once a week and then only with cold water. But Emma got used to it and never complained.

 Twenty minutes later, Emma walked to the guestroom Killian had shown her earlier. The room was bigger than Emma’s first apartment had been. The king size bed was the biggest she has ever slept in and also the most comfortable. However, the most impressive thing in the room was not the bed or the huge window or expensive carpet on the floor, it was the wall behind the bed. There was a huge world map painted on the wall, several places were marked with big red dots and arrows pointed towards these dots.

 Emma kneeled on her bed and studied the wall, she didn’t hear the knock on her door nor Killian entering the room. “Soon this map will be completed.” Emma jumped and turned around.

 “Are you trying to kill me?”

 “Apologies, love, I didn’t realise you didn’t hear me entering the room.”

 Emma shook her head and turned her attention towards the map again. “Killian, this is impressive. Have you visited all of these places already?”

 “Each one with a picture next to it. The rest I will visit with you within the next months.” He smiled at her but Emma still studied the wall.

 “Who are the man and the woman on the pictures next to you?”

 The question stabbed his heart but Killian tried to answer as casually as possible. “The man is my brother, Liam, the woman is Milah. Neither are available for travelling anymore.”

 Emma heard the pain in his voice but she decided not to ask him about it. This was not the time or place to exchange such personal details and Emma wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know. She had tried to think about the end of their journey–about what the end meant, how she would feel after spending three months with him. She didn’t know Killian yet but she had a feeling they would know each other pretty well after their time together. Deep down she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that, she never was good at making friends, always held everyone at arm’s length and she hoped to be able to do the same with him.

 - CS -

 The first week had been a week of getting to know each other better. Killian found out that Emma enjoyed flying but at the same time she was very nervous about hitting turbulence. He also had learned that Emma was stubborn and always wanted to do things on her own - without anyone’s (and especially his) help.

 Their first destination was the West of the USA, it had been the last ‘test’ for Emma and also the last chance for Killian to change his mind about her.

 “So, Swan, tomorrow we will hike a bit, Antelope Canyon is our destination but to get there, we have to take a car and later do some hiking. We will have a guide, Ryan, who will show us the Canyon, explain all the important facts and make sure we are safe down there. Afterwards, we will go back by boat.”

 “Wow, it seems you have everything under control then,” Emma smiled at him and Killian pointed at the map in front of them.

 “Aye, everything is planned, but I always want to make sure you are also comfortable with what I have in my mind. This is important. I don’t want to make the decisions on my own. We are a team from now on and whenever you have a bad feeling or an objection, I need to know that ASAP, all right?”

 “Aye aye, Captain.” Emma mocked him, but Killian ignored it. Slowly he got used to their banter – she would tease him and he would retort with a mix of arrogance and bravado (his usual way of shielding himself from getting too close to someone). He had to admit, he liked being around her. His fear of accepting a female travel partner started to disappear more and more, Emma was a woman who knew what she wanted, who knew what she was doing, and who didn’t seem to fall in love easily. That would be the last thing he needed. He hoped to find someone to get along with, maybe also call a friend at the end of the journey, but nothing more. He couldn’t cope with leaving someone behind who loved him.

 He shook his head to clear his mind and saw that Emma was staring at him with a slightly concerned look. He waited for a moment, but she didn’t ask him if he was alright or did anything else than smile genuinely.

 “Well, I also booked a table for two at Joël Robuchon. I hope you brought a dress in the backpack of yours.” He winked at her but when he saw Emma’s shocked expression, his smile faltered. “Everything alright, Swan?”

 “Did you say Robuchon? Joël Robuchon? The Joël Robuchon?” Killian could clearly see on her face, that she was excited about the news but there was something else he couldn’t put a finger on.

 “Aye, I think I only know one Joël Robuchon. The restaurant we will go to is in the MGM building, also the hotel we will stay at for the night before we fly to Shanghai.”

 When Emma didn’t say anything but only opened and closed her mouth several times, Killian was sure she hadn’t taken a look at the travel documents he had given David and also didn’t listen when he told her about the details before they started the journey a few days ago. “Swan, did you even look at the documents I gave your brother?”

 Emma’s eyes searched his, the answer written all over her face. “I am not the big planner, more the ‘be spontaneous - let’s go’-type.”

 Now Killian couldn’t hold back laughter anymore, he looked at her and shook his head. “Best you take another look before we leave the States. The next few weeks won’t be as comfortable as this week was and is, better you are prepared.”

 He got up and walked towards the door. They didn’t share a room here in San Francisco, but in Las Vegas, he only booked one suite. Big enough to avoid one another (if necessary) but still a single room and one bed.

 Killian was nervous, the next one and a half days were the last days in the States for him. He would never come back here again, it was time to say goodbye to his second homeland. He decided a long time ago that Ireland will be the country to die in. His brother Liam was buried there, his whole family was, and soon he would join them.

 The last flight Emma had to do on her own. He hoped he will be able to show her the beautiful places in his country of birth, but he knew that might be an unrealised wish.

 “See you tomorrow at six-thirty, Swan. Good night.” He smiled at her before he shut the door, quietly pleased when he saw that Emma pulled a green folder out of her bag, the one he had given David before the journey had started.

 - CS -

 It wasn’t the first time in Vegas for Killian, but he never was here before in his free time. Normally he was here for business meetings or workshops, never seeing anything other than the inside of hotels and casinos. This time he wanted to see Antelope Canyon, the Grand Canyon, and the area around Vegas before he finally left the States.

 Killian was surprised how much easier travelling these days was for him. He didn’t have to work on the plane to be prepared for anything, he was able to relax, close his eyes, enjoy the flight. Every now and then he looked at Emma who was staring out the window with a fascination he hadn’t seen in a while. He asked himself how often she had flown before the trip, but held himself back from asking aloud - it was none of his business anyway.

 Seeing her that excited and happy made him happy too. His decision in bringing her, in taking a complete stranger on his last journey, was the right one. He only hoped he won’t regret the decision when they were in China or anywhere else in the world.

 These days travelling was still easy. They didn’t have to carry their backpacks all the time, there were taxis and concierges at the hotel who helped them. All these amenities would end soon, but now they could enjoy their comfortable life one last day.

 A few minutes before they had to leave for dinner, Emma stepped out of the bathroom. Killian’s jaw dropped when he saw her standing in the hallway, fixing the long dress he had bought her this afternoon. She looked breathtaking. He knew she was attractive, that was a fact he couldn’t deny, but seeing her standing there now, with her long golden hair, her smooth, creamy skin, her angelic face and sparkling emerald eyes, her toned body, long lean legs, left him at a loss for words.

 Killian had to shake his head again to focus on the here and now and not to make a fool out of himself by staring at Emma like a this. He stepped closer and took her hand into his before he brought it to his lips and pressed a light kiss on her knuckles. “You look breathtaking, Swan.”

 Emma blushed and withdrew her hand. She looked for the small clutch and grabbed it before she searched his eyes again. “Thank you, you look-”

 “I know,” he retorted and offered his arm. On their way to the restaurant he thought that if he had met Emma Swan before his diagnosis, he could have fallen for her.

 The whole evening they talked at length about their hike to Lower Antelope Canyon and about the next days’ plans including the helicopter flight (which made Emma a bit nervous) and the upcoming journey to China. Not once Killian got the feeling Emma felt uncomfortable, not once he felt like Emma wasn’t the right decision. Later that evening they wanted to visit the casino because Emma had never been in a casino before. It was a fun night with a bit of drinking (Emma because Killian wasn’t allowed to drink according to his medication), gambling, winning (mostly Killian except this one time Emma won and threw her arms around his neck to pull him into a big happy hug) and eventually finding sleep three hours before wake-up call.

 Accordingly, Emma was not as enthusiastic as she had been the prior day. Killian was sure that she fell asleep on his shoulder during the second flight over the Grand Canyon, he didn’t mind at all. This was his last journey but he also wanted it to be a great experience for Emma.

 Their next destination was China. A country Killian had always wanted to visit but never found the right partner to do so. He hated travelling alone, this was the reason he had searched for a companion for this last trip. China was important for Killian. He had two business partner over there who had invited him over and over again, and finally, he was able to grant their wish–unfortunately under different circumstances.

 To say Killian was excited about the visit was an understatement. It was a mix of excitement and eagerness. The trip was planned for the next three weeks. On their last day in civilization, for the next two and a half weeks, they mostly slept and dealt with the jet lag. At night there was a dinner planned with Liáng Bo, one of his business partners, and his wife Feng Mian.

 “Are you sure you want me to come with you?” Emma asked skeptically while she knelt before her backpack.

 “Aye, love. Bo brings his wife, she is an English teacher at Beijing City International School. I met her once and I know you will get along well. I really don’t want you to skip dinner or stay behind in the hotel.”

 “But I really don’t want to disturb your dinner or ruin your business relationship by saying something stupid or behaving wrong.” Emma stood up again, meeting his eyes. He could see she felt uncomfortable but he couldn’t stop the laugh escaping his mouth.

 “Oh love, don’t be afraid of that. I don’t really care what will happen after my death. Maybe Bo will end his partnership with Jones Inc. completely, who knows? But this shall only be an evening among friends, he invited me so many times before and finally, I am able to accept his invitation, that’s all.”

 “Alright,” Emma nodded but Killian saw that she was still not fully convinced.

 “And we will experience the best food in town–Real Chinese Cuisine. Maybe this will be the last time we will dine that exquisitely for a long time. We will take what we get in the next weeks.”

 “Oh, Mr. Spoiled is not used to eating average food? Well, for me sometimes a cheeseburger can be the most delicious meal. So, let’s enjoy the overpriced food we will have this evening and fill your spoiled belly with Blowfish or whatever else counts as delicacies.” She grinned at him and he saw and heard the tease.

 He shook his head and grabbed his suit. “Let’s get dressed or we will be too late. Traffic here in Beijing can be worse than in New York.”

 The taxi ride was quiet. Killian observed Emma closely. Although he tried to not get attached too much, he started to wonder who the woman was behind the beautiful face. His time on Earth was limited, so why not try to get along as best as possible? The next few weeks were the perfect opportunity to get to know her better and if she didn’t want to share, he would not be too disappointed. After all, she was just a stranger who agreed to go on a journey with him, no kind words or bonding needed.

 Dinner had been the most awkward meeting he had ever been to. Bo was convinced that Killian had told him that Emma was his fiancé, he complimented him and her all the time on being such a beautiful and great couple. He wanted to correct him, not only once, but to his surprise, he felt Emma’s hand on his thigh. “Oh, our first meeting isn’t a great story. It was my brother David’s fault. He stood Killian up and so I decided to take his place instead. Ever since we are more or less stuck together.” She smiled at him and he smiled back and Bo and Feng Mian both sighed with a dreamy look.

 He wasn’t sure how far he could go and how much affection she was accepting to fake, so he let her lead. At some point she leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek, excusing herself and Feng Mian. The men decided then to go to the bar and enjoy some drinks. When the ladies came back, Emma stepped closer to him and leaned into him so he wrapped his free arm around her middle.

 Killian didn’t know why she did this for him, but he was grateful. When they had to part, Emma and Feng Mian hugged briefly. Killian could see that Emma really was fond of the woman. Bo and he also hugged. “She is a definitely a keeper,” the man whispered and Killian’s eyes automatically landed on Emma.

 They said goodbye and parted and Killian was sure Emma would let go of his hand any minute. Instead, she interlaced their fingers. “Can we take a walk along the Place? I would love to see the Sky Screen,” Emma asked shyly.

 Killian raised a brow, they had been to Viva Vision in Las Vegas just a few days ago, but who was he to refuse her wish. He nodded and led her down the street where they could already see the bright Sky Screen. It was very crowded, so Killian pulled Emma into his side. She watched the bright screen with sparkling eyes and pressed herself into him so she would not to get lost. Killian couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to how enjoyable the closeness to her was. He asked a stranger to take a picture of them. He hadn’t planned to visit the second largest Sky Screen in the world, so why not capture the moment?

 The next two weeks went by in a blur. He enjoyed every moment of it, every rainy day as much as every hot day. The landscape was beautiful, the guide perfect for their kind of adventure, and the weather mostly played into their hands. If only the headaches would leave him be.

 - CS -

 Emma could see it on his face every time he excused himself to take another pill. He knew that she suspected something. She had gotten to know him a little better but she still avoided talking about the elephant in the room. They talked about their pasts - mostly him, not her. They also talked about their jobs and lives back home in Boston. He told her about his dead brother and the woman on the pictures Emma saw back home, Milah. She had been his first real love, someone who shared his passion for travelling but after one of their journeys together her husband showed up.

 Emma was shocked when he told her that he nearly lost his hand that evening. Milah had told him about her ex, who was in fact not her ex but her legal husband, and Killian thought he could help her leave him. Most of her stories had been wrong, only the fact that he was violent and protective was right. When Killian tried to grab her and flee with her, he hadn’t seen the knife coming. It was a clean cut but fortunately not too deep through his wrist. He lost a lot of blood, but his hand was still attached to his body.

 While he fought for consciousness, Milah and her husband called the ambulance and vanished. Many months later he received a letter from her telling him she was sorry and that he should try to forget her and move on. A few days later, she and her husband were found dead in Texas, she had first shot him and later herself.

 Emma could see it still hurt him to talk about her, so she offered him a story of her own. Why she opened up exactly, she wasn’t sure, but it was easy to talk to him. Maybe because she knew he would die soon, maybe because he was a good listener.

 They travelled with a tour guide, Fa Mulan. When the woman had told them her name, Emma and Killian had exchanged an amused look - unfortunately, Mulan also saw it, but she wasn’t offended. She was proud to have the same name as the girl from the legend, the Disney princess, the one woman that young Chinese girls identified themselves with. It had been fun having her around to tell them all the interesting facts about the Great Wall (Emma never walked that long and far on one single day) and the Zhangye Danxia Landform and its beautiful colours.

 It was nice having her around, they could rely on her and so Emma could focus on Killian and his headaches. She was worried about it and so she finally asked him.

 “I know it’s none of my business, but maybe you shouldn’t eat those like candy,” Emma showed up behind Killian and pointed at the package in his hand. She could see that more than half of the box was empty already and she knew it had been full a week before.

 “You are right, Swan, it’s none of your business.” His harsh answer nearly knocked her to the ground. It wasn’t like him to be that mad, on the other hand, she still didn’t know all of his quirks and he was right, it was none of her business after all, or was it?

 “And what will I do when you break down in the middle of nowhere?” Emma turned around again, not wanting to end the conversation like that. She didn’t want to start a fight, but she had a right to know, hadn’t she?

 “Mulan will know what to do. And you have an emergency package with all the numbers to call if anything happens to me.”

 “That’s not- I- that’s not what I meant and you know that,” Emma got angry, she narrowed her eyes but Killian only shook his head slightly.

 “You knew what you signed for.” His casual tone made her even angrier.

 “Yeah, but I haven’t signed for watching you kill yourself with pain meds. You need to see a doctor.”

 “No.”

 “No?”

 “No. End of discussion.” With that said he went away, leaving her behind without turning around again.

 Emma huffed in annoyance and walked to Mulan but she wasn’t much a help. “I think he knows what he is doing. If he really thought he can’t go on, he would tell you.” Emma only shrugged, looked at Killian who was standing over his backpack and asked herself why she was that mad at him.

 The next few days Emma concentrated on the journey and on the landscape surrounding them.

She was very excited when they finally arrived at the Tianzi Mountains. She loved the movie Avatar and these rock formations looked so much like the ones in the movie. Emma could see how they had influenced James Cameron.

 Killian still avoided her, so she tried to spend as much time as possible with Mulan. The woman knew so many interesting facts and stories about the mountains and their legends that Emma easily got distracted. At one point, Mulan pointed at a specific waterfall high above them. They stood so perfectly that it looked as if the waterfall started in heaven. Emma was impressed, her eyes fixated the natural wonder and so she didn’t see the stone on their way. It had rained a few hours ago and the ground was still wet.

 Before she could do anything, Emma slipped and fell. Her gasp made Killian and Mulan look back, but Emma was already getting up again. Unfortunately, the ground was too slippery up and she couldn’t find a foothold.

 With a surprised scream, she slipped down the muddy path. She could hear Mulan’s and Killian’s shouts, but she couldn’t find anything to hold on to. Panic rose inside her when she saw the edge of the path coming closer. She tried to find anything to stop her fall, but it was too late already. She didn’t even have time to scream when she didn’t feel any ground underneath her anymore. Her backpack was pulling her down and Emma thought that this was it.

 She closed her eyes, praying that it wouldn’t hurt too much when she finally hit the ground. All the air was pressed out of her lungs and she was sure she blacked out for a moment. When she heard a familiar voice next to her, she opened her eyes again. Mulan was kneeling next to her, looking at her with a concerned expression on her face.

 She slowly sat up. Her head throbbed and her lungs still burned but otherwise, she felt okay. She looked up again and saw that she didn’t fall more than nine feet. The drop was long enough that she could have hurt herself badly, but thanks to her backpack she landed gently (as gently as someone falling down a bluff could).

 “Are you alright, Emma? Your fall looked bad.” Mulan’s voice was like scraping chalk on a blackboard. Emma looked up and had to blink several times to sharpen the image.

 “Yeah, as you said, it looked worse than it was. I think I was just a bit surprised, that’s all. Let’s get back to Killian and move on, shall we? We still have a bit of a way ahead.”

 “Are you sure you are okay? We can suspend our excursion. It’s no problem.” Emma could hear that Mulan was concerned and that she only wanted to help, but she didn’t want to be the one who caused any problems. She hoped she could get up and walk on if only the throbbing pain in her left arm and her head would stop.

 - CS -

 Killian watched Mulan help Emma to her feet. He saw the pained expression on Emma’s face but he also saw that she kept her emotions at bay from the moment she saw him watching her. Stubborn lass.

 She needed a doctor. He didn’t want her to be in pain. He didn’t want her to suffer any repercussions from her fall. He needed to talk to her. Emma and Mulan climbed back up to the path he was standing on. Emma limped a bit but she made a brave face and climbed on her own. When Killian offered her his hand, she refused with raised brows. He stepped back and gave her some space.

 He knew he was in no position to ask her to seek out a doctor, but he wished she would say she wanted to see one on her own. Of course, she didn’t. Instead, she followed Mulan, a bit slower than usual, down towards the Li River.

Killian could see the relief when Emma was able to get rid of her backpack. Mulan went to one of the cottages next to the river and an old woman stepped outside.

He had been impressed by the hospitality of this woman. She not only showed Emma and Mulan a place to freshen up, but also invited them over for dinner.

 Emma looked a bit better now. She had a small cut on her forehead and she was still holding her arm in an awkward way, which made Killian ask her again if she was alright.

 “M’fine,” was all Emma said before she turned her attention back to the old lady. While Killian watched Emma, Mulan started to translate the myth of the Li River the friendly old woman told them during a traditional dinner in her small house.

 It was an interesting story but Killian’s thoughts were only with Emma. How could she be so stubborn not to go to a doctor? Everyone could see she was in pain and yet she was the one who suggested accepting the invitation from the old lady to stay a night in the cottage next door.

 Their next stop was the Sheraton Huzhou Hot Spring Resort, a luxury hotel, which was shaped like a ring, directly located at Taihu Lake. The idea of a hot shower and a warm clean bed was more tempting than staying another night in the middle of nowhere.

 Killian was impressed by the mystique around the lake. Normally he would enjoy such an adventure but not when one of his group members was hurt. He tried to convince Emma to go to the hotel, but once again she refused. He could only accept her decision and make the best of it. He wasn’t sure Emma had any painkillers with her, so he gave Mulan some of his, to offer Emma some if needed. He was sure she would refuse any kind of help from him.

 The night was restless for Killian. He wasn’t tired, the latest events were too disturbing for him to even think about sleep. He didn’t understand why Emma’s injury (he was firmly convinced she was injured and stubborn to admit it) made him feel so helpless and made him so mad. She was an adult, she knew that something like that could have happened anytime but she should also know that she needed to see a doctor to make sure she wasn’t injured badly.

 Anger flared inside him. He didn’t want her to be hurt. After all this time he was starting to get to know her better. He liked her, she was a good person–interested and also interesting. It was easy to talk to her. He liked when she laughed at one of his stupid jokes or when she accepted his help when there was an obstacle. Although he swore to himself not to let feelings get involved, he had to admit that he had started to develop feelings for Emma. She had become a friend but now Killian wasn’t sure if she might become more for him. He was screwed.

 The next morning he tried one last time to persuade her to go to a doctor.

 “Emma, you are in pain. You need to see a doctor.” His voice was small and broken but Emma only shook her head.

 “No.”

 “No?”

 “Yes, you heard correctly, I only have some bruises. A doctor cannot help me. End of discussion.”

 This was the last time he had spoken to her. Ever since she avoided him completely, even more than he avoided her after her ‘please-go-to-the-doctor’ speech. She walked next to Mulan for the remainder of their trip, when they finally reached the bus, she sat as far away as possible. Every time he met her gaze, she rolled her eyes and started another conversation with Mulan. Maybe he had gone too far.

 - CS -

 The hotel looked welcoming, no it looked far more than that. The ride there had been torture. Emma’s back, her head, and arm still hurt and Killian’s worried looks didn’t make it easier. She was still mad at him for snapping at her but after her fall she finally understood why he didn’t want to see a doctor. Although she was still convinced that he should go to one. Emma needed a shower, she needed a timeout and she needed normal food. The Chinese cuisine was great, dinner last night with the old lady had been wonderful, but Emma longed for a simple cheeseburger or a steak or anything non-Chinese.

 It was their last stop before going to Shanghai. Killian had another meeting with one of his business partners (this time he could go alone, Emma was in no mood to pretend to be his fiancé or anything else) and then they would leave the country.

 The moment Emma stepped out of the hot shower, someone knocked on her door. Rolling her eyes, she quickly wrapped a towel around her nude form and answered the door.

 “Killian.” Surprised she leaned against the doorframe. He looked good in the tight black jeans and the dark blue Henley. His beard was trimmed and Emma suddenly noticed that his hair could also use a cut. He avoided meeting her eyes but spoke eventually.

 “I wanted- can I- can we talk, please?”

 Emma nodded and stepped aside to let him in. He went straight to the couch and plopped down. “Maybe you want to get dressed first?”

 Emma looked down at her naked feet and agreed. Clothes might be a good idea. While dressing she tried to figure out what he wanted. Did he want to end their trip? Has she crossed a line? Was he sending her home with a ‘thank you, but no thank you’?

 She returned a few moments later wearing yoga pants and a big comfortable hoodie and sat down on the big couch across from him. When she tried to adjust herself, she briefly forgot not to use her left arm, and groaned in pain.

 “We need to talk about this, Emma.”

 “I told you I am fine,” Emma snapped and narrowed her eyes.

 “No, you are not. You need to see a doctor.” Killian pushed himself up and ran his hand through his hair, “please.”

 “I told you I don’t need a doctor, just as you told me that you don’t need one.”

 “Alright, Swan, but that’s different. You are hurt. You are in pain.”

 “So are you, Jones.” Emma was steaming. How could he come here, into her room, and start another fight?

 “Aye. And that’s why I made an appointment at Shanghai Renai Hospital for me and you tomorrow.”

 “You what? You had no right to-” Emma jumped up but the quick movement made her dizzy and she sunk back on the couch, holding her head and not speaking for several moments.

 “I know, Emma, but this is important. You- you are important and I don’t want you to suffer.” Killian was now sitting next to her, brushing her hair off her shoulder and gently placing a hand there. He stroked her shoulder with this thumb while he waited for her to look up. “I didn’t want that to happen, but I grew fond of you, Swan.”

 These words made Emma look up. “And you will get checked too?” Maybe her plan had worked. She had hoped he would go to the doctor when she refused to seek one out.

 “Aye.” Killian took her hand and, by chance, Emma’s heart skipped a beat when she met his eyes.

 “Are you afraid?”

 “Bloody hell, you have no idea, woman.” Killian’s words were so genuine that Emma, instinctively and without thinking, leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his lips.

 She smiled at him and held his gaze. “Don’t be. Everything will be fine.”

 They stayed like that for a few more moments; he stared at her and she looked back with a smile on her face. After a while, Killian decided to order in and watch something on Netflix. Emma didn’t object and ordered a double cheeseburger with extra onion rings and Killian a steak medium done with a huge pile of fries (Emma ate nearly half of them after finishing her meal in record time).

 Eventually, they fell asleep on the couch. When Emma woke in the middle of the night, she found herself in Killian’s arms. His chest rose and fell softly and the steady beat of his heart soothed her back to sleep easily. Although her arm hurt in that position, she felt happy and safe. She didn’t know why or how, but Killian made her feel as if nothing else in life mattered than this moment.

 She had thought about death a lot the last days, especially since their fight. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was already used to him. It felt as if they were friends, as if they knew each other for years instead of a few weeks. She didn’t want to lose him. The thought frightened her. Without noticing she had gotten attached to him. Their friendly banter, their nights huddled up together to defy the cold, their talks and laughs at the fireplace were moments which bound them together.

 What if the doctors said that Killian had less time than expected? How would she cope with that? She knew she would try to put on a brave face for him, to support him and be there for him, but she also knew she would cry the first moment she was alone again. Killian had become a friend (or more) and she wished she could help him - no matter how.

 - CS -

 When they woke up, Emma didn’t want to leave her cosy place beside Killian. He was so warm and comfortable, she nearly forgot that they had to leave to catch the plane to Shanghai. Killian and Emma traveled in silence. Neither of them knew what to say, both were nervous and tried to calm their nerves.

 The moment she stood she was painfully reminded that she was injured. Her left arm hurt even more than it had the day before. Lifting anything was impossible, she had to carry her backpack on her other shoulder. Killian seemed to notice and offered her to carry her stuff, but Emma refused. She didn’t want to burden him.

 The flight was short but very turbulent. Emma held onto Killian’s hand for dear life. This was the moment Killian softened again. His nerves were gone in an instant–instead, he focused on Emma and forgot about his MRI appointment.

 In the taxi on their way to the clinic, Emma leaned her head on Killian’s shoulder and he automatically placed a kiss on the crown of her head.

 “Do we have our appointments at the same time or can you stay with me?” Emma’s question was quiet and almost shy, but Killian did hear it. He looked down at her and waited for her to look at him before he answered.

 “I can stay with you if you want, love.” Emma only squeezed his hand and focused on the traffic outside the window again.

 Killian wondered if she might stay with him as well. By chance, his thoughts drifted to the possible outcomes for the appointment. He didn’t feel too bad, he hoped that the headaches were only a side effect of the medication he had to take. He refused to think about the possibility of dying earlier than expected. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. He wanted to see and do so much more. The safari in Africa was already booked and Ireland was calling too. He needed to visit Liam’s grave one last time, wanted to show Emma London and Dublin, and drink at least one Guinness together in the pub he visited so often with his brother when he was younger. No, he wasn’t ready to leave the world now.

 He hadn’t noticed that he closed his eyes, but when he opened them again, he saw Emma’s concerned look. Without thinking he pulled her into a hug and held her close. “I don’t want to die.”

 He hated himself for saying this - hated burdening her with the knowledge that he didn’t want to leave Earth and all this behind. He had accepted his fate, but knowing it could all end earlier than expected made him feel helpless.

 “I want to see and do so many things. They said three more months, now-” he swallowed hard, “What if they say it’s time to say goodbye already? What if they give me only a few more days?” He started to shake, holding back tears was not an option.

 “Sh-sh,” Emma tightened her grip on him. She hated to see him so vulnerable and lost. He was always the strong and organized man and now he was only a lost boy sitting next to her. The taxi driver shot them an irritated look but Emma ignored him. Now she needed and wanted to focus on Killian. “They won’t say that your time is over. Maybe it’s only a side effect of the pills you have to take every day, maybe it is a drug interaction.”

 Killian buried his head in the crook of her neck, staining her shirt with his hot tears and Emma’s heart broke. She stroked his hair, closed her eyes, and pressed her cheek against his head. They stayed like that for a while before Killian broke away. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat before he looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m afraid.”

 “And I am here for you. I’ll be by your side as long as you want me to be there and I will wait for you outside the door whenever I am not allowed to be with you. You are not alone and I know they won’t tell you that you are going to die sooner.”

 “Promise?” The pain in his voice nearly urged her tell the driver to go somewhere else, to take a turn and bring them back to the hotel, airport, or anywhere else. But she knew Killian had to be examined. She knew it was the right thing to do, so she did the only thing she knew would ease his pain. At least for a moment. She lied.

 “Promise.”

 They stared at each other for a while. They both knew that single word was a lie but they also knew what it meant for him and for her. When they finally stopped in front of the hospital, Killian paid the driver who stopped midway when returning the change. “Good luck,” he said in broken English and looked from him to Emma and back.

 Emma nodded slightly and grabbed Killian’s hand to pull him out of the taxi.

 “Thanks, mate.” Killian followed Emma, never letting go of her hand. They went to the information desk and were led to a sterile looking wing of the hospital. They had to wait for a few moments before Emma was called into a room. Killian wanted to follow but a young Chinese woman shook her head. “Women only,” she said and Killian nodded.

 “I’ll wait right here, Swan. Take your time.” He sat down and waited. He laid the third magazine back on the table when the door opened and Emma stepped out with a cast on her arm and band-aid on her forehead.

 Killian jumped up and went to her, looking at her arm with raised brows.

 “Bruised shoulder, broke my ulna and I might have to get surgery.” Emma smiled and stopped in front of him. “Oh, and the doctor railed against me and asked why I didn’t come in earlier. I will have a nasty scar on my forehead and the surgery might not have been necessary if I came right away.” She shrugged but regretted it the next moment because of the pain shooting through her body.

 Killian didn’t know what to say and before he had a chance he was called by a nurse. He grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her with him, suddenly he felt nervous again. Emma sensed his distress and squeezed his hand lightly.

They were led down a long corridor and at one point Emma had to wait outside. Before Killian was able to go inside she pulled him into a hug. “Tell them you want me by your side when they tell you the test results. Everything will be fine. Promise.” She kissed his cheek and broke the hug only to be pulled into another one a moment later.

 “Thank you, love. Thank you so much for everything.” He kissed her forehead and broke the hug to follow the nurse inside an examination room.

 It took over an hour and a half until the door opened again and Killian stepped outside. “They told me to go for lunch, the test results will be ready in about an hour.” He stepped closer and offered his hand. “So tell me, love, where do you want to dine?”

 Emma got up and started to think. “You can decide, I am up for everything.”

 “Everything?” He chuckled, knowing full well that Emma was no friend of seafood and too many vegetables. “How about the vegan restaurant I told you about? It must be around the corner somewhere.”

 Emma frowned but when she saw his teasing expression, she smacked his arm. “Nice try, buddy, how about we stroll down the street and when we find a restaurant for our liking we stop?”

 “Brilliant. Let’s get moving.” Killian took Emma’s hand and led the way. They found a small café where they decided to stop. Emma ordered a simple grilled cheese sandwich and Killian ordered a Mediterranean Salad which made Emma cringe. They fell into a light conversation and enjoyed their meal together.

 “So, you didn’t pack your backpack yourself?” Killian gave Emma her to-go-cup. She shook her head and took the drink.

 “No, my soon-to-be-sister-in-law packed it. It’s David backpack and she made a list for him, which she adjusted a bit for me. I am not that organized.”

 “I can tell,” Killian laughed and sipped at his coffee, however, it was not coffee, it was hot chocolate with whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon. He made a face and offered Emma his cup. “I think this is yours, love. How can you drink something that sweet?”

 Emma took the drink and sipped at it, enjoying the rich taste of chocolate on her tongue. “Hmmm, delicious. It’s just the right amount of chocolate and cinnamon. You don’t like it?”

 Killian shook his head and held the door for her. They walked back to the hospital but the nearer they got the quieter they became. Eventually, they stood in front of the doctor’s door, hand-in-hand, smiling but beyond nervous.

 “Mr. Jones, come in,” the doctor answered the door after Killian had knocked. He turned towards Emma who tried to follow Killian. “And may I ask who you are?”

 “His fiancé.” “My fiancé.” They answered as if on cue and Emma blushed involuntarily.

 “Oh, congratulations. Well, then come on in.” The doctor stepped aside and took his place behind his desk. He turned around and switched on the light so Killian and Emma were able to see the MRI image better.

 Killian squeezed Emma’s hand. He tried to figure out what he saw in the image, but he was too afraid to take a closer look.

 “Well, Mr. Jones, Ms.- I am sorry, I think I missed your name.” Doctor Bowen started and looked at Emma.

 “Swan, Emma Swan. Nice to meet you.”

 The doctor went on. “As I was saying, Mr. Jones, the tumour has grown.” The doctor turned around and Killian’s heart sunk. He had hoped he would hear an ‘everything’s fine, go and continue the journey’. Instead, it was the worst message he could get.

 He didn’t feel Emma squeeze his hand, he only heard the words again and again in his head. ‘The tumour has grown.’ He really tried to concentrate but he wasn’t able to make out any other words the doctor said. He had been through a similar situation before, knew what the doctor was saying already. The only thing Killian wanted was to go. Leave this hospital and run away as fast and as far as possible, but Emma still held his hand and soothed him by running her thumb over his knuckles.

 He looked at her, she was listening intently, her features soft in concentration. She was beautiful. He wished he’d met her earlier, he wished he wouldn’t burden her with this new situation. It was unfair and he hated to be the reason she was hurt and would be even more hurt in a few weeks? days? How long did he still have? He had to know.

 Not waiting until the doctor ended his neverending story, he interrupted him with a strong voice which surprised him himself. “How much longer?”

 “I’m not following,” the doctor looked at him with knitted brows, then looked at Emma and back at Killian.

 “How much longer until my time on Earth ends?” Killian gulped, saying it out loud made it suddenly so much more real than before.

 “Killian,” Emma’s voice made him look at her. She let go of his hand and lifted it to cradle his cheek. “Killian, did you even listen?”

 “Aye, Swan,” he pulled back, making Emma’s eyes go wide, “aye and I want to know how much longer I have on Earth. I need to change plans and I need to-”

 “Killian, listen to me,” Emma interrupted him, now holding his face in both of her hands. He could see that she was serious but she also seemed to be a bit uncomfortable in this position. “Listen, Killian. You are not going to die.”

 Killian smiled at her, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “Oh, Emma, I know-”

 “No! You have to listen. The tumour has grown but that was a good thing.” Emma looked him dead in the eye, he didn’t understand what was going on, but she seemed serious about it.

 “It was?” Confusion edged his voice and his eyes fell on the doctor behind the desk.

 “Yes, Mr. Jones, it was and is. What I tried to explain to your lovely fiancé was, that the tumour has grown that fast that it cut itself off of its blood supply.” The doctor leaned back and waited for a reaction but Killian only looked at him dumbfounded, so he went on. “Maybe I didn’t express myself well enough but, because of this result, I am sure you will survive.”

 “I will?” Killian looked from doctor Brown to Emma and back, “I will survive? I will live?” He was utterly confused, the last ten minute he went through every emotion, now he heard what he had wanted to hear all along but he still couldn’t believe it.

 “You will live, Killian, you won’t die,” Emma’s voice stopped him from overthinking everything that happened since he entered this room with her again.

 Killian searched her eyes and there he could see it. She didn’t try to cheer him up or make false promises. This time it was the truth, he would survive, he wasn’t a dying man anymore.

 “Emma-,” his eyes went wide when her lips met his, it was not a quick ‘thank you’ or a kiss to cover their lie of being engaged. It was a happy kiss, a kiss telling him she was relieved he would survive, a kiss filled with so many emotions that his head began to swim again. When she broke the kiss, she pressed her forehead against his whispering the words over and over again. “You will live.” She started showering his face with kisses until she found his lips again.

 This time Killian was more prepared than moments before. He still couldn’t believe what was happening but he was happy–happy that he wouldn’t die and also happy about Emma’s affection.

 Suddenly, their intimacy was broken by the doctor clearing his throat.

 “Of course you need radiation treatment as soon as possible. I already talked to your doctor back in Boston and he is ready to treat you whenever you come home.” With that said the doctor stood and walked around the desk. “Take your time. I have other patients who need me.” He shook their hands and left the room after telling them that his assistant will give Killian any further information.

 When the door fell shut, a big smile appeared on Killian’s face. “Emma, Emma did you hear what he said? I will live. I won’t die.” He jumped up and offered Emma his hand which she happily accepted. She smiled at him too when he suddenly pulled her into his arms and spun her around. “I will live. I will live.”

 “Careful!” Emma yelped, clearly afraid of being hurt again, although she still wore a big smile herself.

 He placed her back down and took her face into his hands before he leaned forward and kissed her. “Thank you,” he whispered against her lips but Emma only closed the gap between them instead of answering.

 - CS -

 They booked the first available flight back to Boston and decided to celebrate the evening in Shanghai. Killian decided to surprise Emma and go to the Disney Resort where they met up with his business partner and his family. It was a very nice evening strolling around the park, enjoying some rides and dinner in one of the restaurants. The whole evening, Killian couldn’t take his eyes off Emma. He decided then and there that he would give them a chance. He didn’t want to stop himself any longer from being happy.

 On the plane back home, Emma looked at Killian who was staring out the window. “Killian?” He turned his head and smiled at her. Emma was nervous but she needed to ask him now. “How did you know about Disney Resort?” It wasn’t the question she wanted to ask but it was a start.

 “What do you mean, darling?” He took a strand of her hair between his thumb and finger and toyed with it.

 “I always wanted to go to a Disney Theme Park, but I never had the chance. Why did you decide to celebrate there?”

 A smile appeared on his face and suddenly his face was so much closer to her than moments before. “Let’s say a charming brother once told me about his little sister and her obsession with a black mouse.”

 “Oh yeah, what else did David tell you about me?” Emma’s eyes wandered between his eyes and lips when she spoke.

 “He said you are stubborn,” Killian started and kissed her cheek before he continued, “and temperamental,” he kissed another spot of her cheek, this time closer to her mouth. “And he said that you are very attractive,” kiss, “and determined,” kiss, “and that you have a big heart.” The last kiss landed on her lips and Emma responded immediately. She no longer wanted to hold herself back. If she was honest she was attracted to this dark and handsome man from the moment he opened the door over a month ago and she had only grown more and more attached to him the more she knew about him.

 Quickly, they got lost in a passionate kiss. When they broke the kiss, he pulled her to him and rested his forehead against hers. “I would love to get to know you better, Emma, take you out on a proper date when we are back home.”

 “I would love to do that,” Emma said and sealed her answer with another kiss.

 When Mary Margaret and David picked them up from the airport, Emma didn’t miss the smiles on their faces and hidden looks between them. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure anymore that this whole ‘I cannot go with Killian, you have to take my place’ excuse wasn’t a planned setup. But when her eyes fell on the handsome man next to her, who held her hand and placed a kiss on her temple when he felt her eyes on him, she couldn’t say she was not happy about the outcome.

#ffcs 2018 #fallforcs #fall for captain swan #blind date with a fanfic #cs ff #cs ff au #i'm not dead yet #imrunningoutoftime

[roleplaylogs]

Grofflin

A nice Grofflin RP where Jon goes to visit Lin in Puerto Rico

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like Jamilton, Whamilton, Hamilton RPF, and grofflin.

You: [1.29am] I miss you. LMM

Stranger: It’s late, Lin, you doing ok? I miss you, too. JG

You: Yeah, I just miss you! LMM How are you doing? LMM

Stranger: I’m alright, glad you’re not feeling incredibly sad or whatever. JG

Stranger: I’ve been awake far too long, ugh. JG

You: I mean, I'm putting on a brave face, but I'm not like incredibly sad, more mediocre sad. LMM But I'd rather talk about you. Insomnia? LMM

Stranger: Funny, I’d rather talk about you. But you’ll end up telling me eventually, I’m sure. JG

Stranger: Definite insomnia tinged with the usual anxiety. I think I miss the stage. JG

You: I miss the stage with you on it. LMM

Stranger: Yeah? I miss spending time with you in general, but especially on and around stage. JG

You: We were so good together in the play. LMM

Stranger: We really were, even if we didn’t really interact. I really enjoyed comndeering your dressing room. JG

You: Some of my best memories from the show was hanging out in that dressing room with you. LMM

Stranger: If you wanted to come all the way out to Pittsburgh you can come hang out in my trailer with me. JG

You: I wish I could, Papi, but I just flew out to PR. LMM

Stranger: You’re in the Motherland and you’re moderately sad? Lin, sweet thing, what’s up? I’d come down to you but we’re filming all week. JG

You: I don't know, maybe I'm just in a funk. My family are all still in NY and I'm in a boujee hotel room that just feels weirdly sterile and I miss you so bad. LMM

Stranger: Sounds kinda funky, yeah. V didn’t come? JG

You: No, we're not doing so great at the moment. LMM

Stranger: Ahhh, I’m sorry to hear that, really. I... let me check my schedule, alright? I might be able to sneak out of here. JG

You: Really? I can get you on a plane whenever you need, first class. LMM

Stranger: Really really. I miss the hell out of you and it seems you need some good old cheering up. You don’t have to do that, boo. JG

You: I know I don't, but I want to. I'm dragging your working ass out of the country, I'm gonna do it in style. LMM

Stranger: I am 1000% volunteering to leave the cold as fuck Pennsylvania city to come see you in Puerto Rico. No dragging required. But I know arguing with you is pointless... JG

You: Good, glad we got that sorted. LMM When can I book the flight for? Can they change your filming schedule? LMM

Stranger: (Delayed) So, we can finish up my stuff for the week tomorrow, and I can have til next Tuesday. So a week? That’s not bad. JG

You: A whole week? Awesome! That's great! Oh man, I'm so happy now. LMM You can help me go through my lines for the PR play! I can assure you I have forgotten every Ham lyric. LMM

Stranger: Lucky for you, I have forgotten NONE of them. We’ll get you all rehearsed and happy. JG

You: God, I'm so scared I'm gonna be shitty now. You gotta be ruthless with me, train me up again. LMM

Stranger: There is no way you’d be shitty, Lin. What with all that Disney training I’m sure you’re a better dancer. I’ll get you in top Ham shape, no problem. JG

You: Oh my god, it really put me through my paces, I've never been fitter. If you squint, and if I really suck in, you can kinda see abs. LMM

Stranger: !!! I’m going to touch them, you know that, right? JG

You: I mean, I've got no one else to show them off to. LMM The dad bod is still and always will be here, just a little fitter. I'm also a way better singer now, so, we can thank Disney and their expensive ass singing lessons for that too. LMM

You: ((Brb real quick I gotta go put some food in! Might be like ten mins))

Stranger: ((Alright!))

Stranger: You can show off to me when’re you like, Lin. I mean it. Just go full on showboat like Daveed. JG

Stranger: I love you just the way you are but the tiny improvements will only make you stronger. More formidable. I definitely cried in Poppins Returns because of you, by the way. JG

You: No one can showboat like Daveed, don't be silly. LMM You did? Fuck, that means so much to me. I tried so hard and I'm so proud of that, I'm so glad you like it. It's a love letter to the first movie, which I adored. LMM

Stranger: I know, I know but you could try! Just never put a shirt on and pretend you aren’t attractive. JG

Stranger: I did. Cried three separate times, but most of it was because I was so so proud of you. You did so well, Lin! The lamp lighters scene, oh my god. JG

You: Ha, I don't have to pretend. LMM God, you know that was a whole week of filming? Just that scene there? It's the most exhausted I've ever been but so worth it. LMM

Stranger: Shush, you’re so handsome and charismatic. JG

Stranger: Oh, I believe it. It was beautiful and magical and I want to watch you on that lamp post like 24/7. JG

You: Not a patch on you, you handsome devil! LMM I made so many pole dancing jokes, I'm almost embarrassed. LMM

Stranger: Oh, stop that. Let me admire you! JG

Stranger: Ha, I know you very well. I’m sure that almost is the key word there. JG

You: I've never made Em laugh so much than when we were filming for that scene, we had a blast. LMM God. It's like that was a high I'm now crashing down from. LMM

Stranger: G o d, you call Emily Blunt Em, I am JEALOUS. JG

Stranger: We’ll get you back up on that crest, I promise. Ham in PR is such a huge deal. JG

You: You gotta meet her sometime, I will set it up, she's awesome. I also met Jon Krasinski and almost died, that man is a confirmed god and he and Em are perfect together. LMM You're right. I just need my personal hypeman by my side. LMM

Stranger: You shut up right now, I’ll just end up quoting the entirety of Devil Wears Prada right into her glorious face. I need to meet her. JG

Stranger: You’ll have me for a week, but I’ll always hype you, Lin. You’re legitimately the most talented, kind, bright man I know. JG

You: I'll make it happen. LMM Oh, stop it. I wouldn't be where I am without the support of you, you mean the absolute world to me. LMM

Stranger: I knew I loved you for a reason ;) JG

Stranger: You’d be so great without me, you’ve got a team of hypemen, Burr I will always be the loudest. JG

You: Hell yeah you will. God, I can't wait to see your ridiculously cute face and smush it in my hands. LMM

Stranger: Oh, it’s ready to be smushed, hasn’t happened in far too long. JG

You: You got that right, I'm gonna smush you so hard. LMM Which, in hindsight, sounds incredibly inappropriate. LMM

Stranger: ... I’m not mad about it. JG

You: Me neither. Groffsauce so cuuuuute. LMM

Stranger: Why are all the best men tragically straight? Ugh. JG

You: Uh. LMM Yo. LMM You talking about me? LMM

Stranger: You, Daveed, every other straight guy in theatre. JG

You: Oh my god, this is priceless. LMM You think I'm straight? LMM

Stranger: ... ok, so I’m wrong, then. How wrong am I? JG

You: Super wrong. I'm super not straight. LMM

Stranger: The whole V thing threw me off. I mean the willingness to throw yourself at me should’ve been a clue but that was more wishful thinking. JG

You: Yeah, I guess the whole married to a woman thing does make me seem a bit straight. But I am a theatre kid, so... LMM Remember when I made that Heights promo with you in it? I had the biggest crush on you. LMM

Stranger: So you’re bi, or bi adjacent, then. That’s... wow. Ok, my worldview just shifted a little. JG

Stranger: I remember that so well, it was so damn entertaining and cute. I’ve been practically wrapped around your finger since. JG

You: Yeah, I just don't really care about gender, I'm just attracted to everyone, basically. LMM Thank god, because I wrote KG3 for you. LMM

Stranger: Yeah, yeah that makes so much more sense. Either way you were out of my reach. JG

Stranger: You did not — really?? Why didn’t you tell me that before? JG

You: I swear I've mentioned that before. You know, like I wrote GWash for Chris? You were in mind already when I was writing. LMM

Stranger: I know you wrote Washington for Chris, but also damn. I guess it just blows my mind every time I hear you say it?? JG

You: Well, yeah. I had a big ass gay crush on you at that point, so why wouldn't I try and rope you in to my project? LMM

Stranger: Well, fuck. How could I say no to you, Lin? It’s literally impossible. With those big, bright eyes and all of those words. JG

You: Ha, insert say no to this reference here. LMM You think my eyes are big and bright? Aww, shucks, ya making me blush! LMM

Stranger: You’ve got such doe eyes, and those lashes, Lin. I’d murder someone for lashes like that. But you’re incredibly handsome. JG

You: Don't do murder, that's bad. LMM [delay] Well, your uh, flight is booked! LMM

Stranger: I’m not going to murder... maybe. JG

Stranger: Oh, thank you! You really are too much. JG

You: I know, I know. Get told it on the daily. LMM I'll get a car to pick you up from the airport (not because I'm lazy but I don't fancy getting mobbed if I come meet you). LMM

Stranger: I don’t blame you not wanting to get mobbed. Am I going to be staying with you? JG

You: Of course. This is a big suite, it's got two bedrooms! LMM

Stranger: Then you’ll see me in the suite! We’ll have a lot of fun practicing your lines at all hours. JG

You: And staying up watching old movie musicals like we're at a slumber party. LMM

Stranger: Too bad I can’t braid your hair anymore. JG

You: You were always so good at that. LMM Face masks though...! LMM

Stranger: It’s the Pennsylvania Dutch in me. JG

Stranger: Face masks! And manicures. Bet your nail beds are a mess. JG

You: They are, you gotta sort them out. LMM Anyway, it's late, we should sleep. But I will see you at my crazy fancy suite. LMM

Stranger: I’ll fix ‘em up. But ok, yes. Sleep. I’ll see you in a handful of hours! JG

You: Lin definitely didn't sleep much that night, far too excited to see Jon the next day. He worked a little the next morning, keeping an eye on the flight tracker for Jon's plane so he knew when it arrived safe, and got a driver to go pick him up. So, the fame might have changed him a little, but it was worth it. He looked up when he heard the key card he'd had given to Jon at the front desk clicked in the door and got up, a huge grin on his face. "Hey! It's my favourite heartthrob!" He said, running over and practically jumping at the taller man to hug him.

Stranger: Jon definitely didn’t sleep until he was on the plane — thankfully he was one of the lucky ones who could conk out on flights — he was just too excited to see Lin. There were nerves festering in the pit of his stomach that he had long since thought dead. As if getting confirmation that Lin wasn’t straight changed anything between them. It did not, but he couldn’t get those damn butterflies to settle down as he keyed his way into the suite. He didn’t have a moment to even set his bags down before he had to drop one in order to huddle Lin against him so they didn’t topple over. He was laughing brightly, unable to help it, as he carelessly dropped the rest of this things to get both arms around the ball of energy. “Hello to you too, Lin! Let me get in here,” he said, still laughing. But it was easy to shuffle them a few steps into the suite so the door could close behind him. “Look at you,” Jon sighed, getting both hands up onto Lin’s shoulders. “You look so good, lithe. Like you have a whisper of abs.”

You: It was so crazy that Jon was here, and Lin could actually hug him, it was like a dream come true. He'd really needed someone or the next few weeks would have been unbearable. He beamed up at him as Jon looked at him, nothing but true, unfiltered happiness in his eyes. "I do! If I suck in and you squint!" He said, before hugging him again. "God, you've like, totally beefed out. Mindhunter really did a number on you, huh? Look at how in shape we both are, I'm so proud," he rambled on.

Stranger: “Beefed out, god yes please keep telling me that. They have me working out far too much for my liking, but if you like it then we’re good.” Jon couldn’t help but get a little lost in the sound of Lin’s voice and the bright spark in his eyes. He ducked a little so he could duck his head to Lin’s shoulder. “You look great, so great. A sight for sore eyes, that’s for sure. Pittsburgh is so dull especially because it doesn’t have your spark.”

You: Lin hugged him tight, pressing his face against Jon's hair for a moment. God, he smelled good. Focus. "Are we just gonna compliment each other for the whole week? Because I am so good with that!" He pulled away eventually and picked up a few of Jon's bags. "There we go, I'll show you to your room, kind sir," he put on his English accent that he now had perfected from Poppins. "Follow me!" He went off in the direction of the other bedroom next to his.

Stranger: Jon couldn’t stop laughing, the happiness just pouring out of him from being close to Lin again. “I could spend all damn day telling you how awesome you are.” Gathering up his other things, he trailed after Lin slowly, looking around the suite with open wonder. “Listen, if you don’t talk like that all day, I’m going to be so disappointed.” Tucking his bags into the closet in the bedroom, Jon tossed his keys and wallet onto dresser and immediately went to the window to get a look at the view. “This is actual paradise, I hope you know.”

You: Lin put his bags down on the bed before going to stand beside him at the window. "I know, right?" He sighed happily. "Mi pais es tan hermoso," he said fondly, before looking up at Jon. "That means, my country is so beautiful. Now, you gotta make a choice. Jack the lamplighter voice, or Puerto Rican Lin!" He joked, rolling his Rs in an exaggerated fashion.

Stranger: Jon reeled Lin into his side pretty easily, his arm settling around his shoulders. “I don’t honestly care which Lin I get because I still get you regardless. But now I know now why you love this island so much.” Leaning toward the window, as if that would get him closer to the view of the sea, Jon was beaming. “How is this place even real? I’ll have to go exploring.”

You: Lin leaned easily against him, fitting snugly against his body. Oh man, this was nice. "I'll have to take you on a tour," he promised, looking up at the wonder on Jon's face rather than the view. It was arguably more beautiful. Not arguably. Factually. "But I wanna just hang out with you first for a while. Order room service, maybe a bottle of champagne to celebrate..."

Stranger: This closeness was what he had missed the most about Lin — about how well they fit together and how warm Lin was. Turning his face to look at him, he was only a littler surprised to find Lin already looking at him. A slight blush overtook his face and he laughed quietly. “You can give me a tour tomorrow morning. I am so down for staying in and seeing champagne-happy Lin.”

You: "I am such a lightweight now, I hope you're prepared to handle me!" Lin grinned and pulled away from his side, only to grab his hand. He didn't want to be separated from him, and honestly, he was a little touch starved at present. He grabbed a menu that Jon could read over his shoulder, practically leaning back so Jon's chest was pressed against his back. Was it hot in there? "What are you feelin?" He asked, reading over the desserts. He had a sweet tooth.

Stranger: “I am well-versed in corralling drunk friends. Besides, you’re easy,” Jon winked overly dramatically and happily held onto Lin’s hand. The contact was beyond nice and he practically wrapped himself around Lin as they perused the menu. “I’m feeling being indulgent. No gym time, no strict diet. Just get a bunch to share?” His free hand settled idly over Lin’s hip, holding him close as if he was afraid Lin would just disappear.

You: Lin grinned when he felt Jon’s hand settling on to his hip, almost shivering at the contact. “Sounds perfect.” He pulled Jon over to the sofa where the phone was, sitting down, half in Jon’s lap as he reeled off a massive order of room service, a bottle of champagne, and he checked their mini bar was suitably stocked as well.

Stranger: Jon handled Lin into laying down on the couch beside him, his head landing in his lap. Not that it took too much convincing really. It was always easy to get Lin where he wanted him. There it was easier to run his fingers through his short hair. “This is going to be a great night, just you and me. Running lines for the play?” It was like they hadn’t spent weeks and months apart.

You: Lin grinned up at Jon when he put the phone down, gazing into his pretty eyes. “Oh yeah, just like the old days,” he said. “Aren’t you just so excited for the play? I wonder if they’ll make us stage kiss!” He put on a high school voice, bringing up their inside joke from years ago.

Stranger: Jon burst out laughing before getting himself under control. “God, what if they make us stage kiss in the play?” Jon whispered, though fighting not to giggle again. He failed. “It’s been a while since you kiss-bombed me.”

You: “I know! Oh, I miss my surprise kissing you for the internet,” Lin sighed happily. “I bet twitter misses it. I know I sure do!” He’d always made excuses before to kiss him, because he’d just always wanted to. Jon just thought it was a prank, before. Lin wished things were different.

Stranger: “You ever just want to kiss me just to kiss me?” Jon asked after a prolonged moment of silence. Looking down at Lin — bright eyed and so handsome — Jon didn’t even bother keeping his thoughts to himself. “I missed you, really. And I had been so convinced that I was living in some weird limbo with you being out of reach but not really out of reach now, are you?” He babbled a little, the words just sort of not stopping.

You: The tone changed and Lin’s expression softened, listening to Jon. “Maybe I was out of reach for a while,” he said quietly, his heart pounding hard in his chest. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you period for years,” he confessed.

Stranger: Pushing Lin’s hair away from his forehead, Jon just kept touching him idly. “You should do it, then, if you’d still like to. I’d like it a lot.” His hands were shaking even as he threaded his fingers through that soft, thick hair.

You: “Yeah?” Lin whispered, shivering as Jon touched him. “I think I’d like that too.” He leaned up from Jon’s lap (using his newfound abs), reaching up to put his hand on the side of his neck. He looked at him for just a moment, before leaning in and pressing their lips together.

Stranger: It was like Lin was moving in slow motion, Jon could hardly believe it. He shifted just enough to make it easier on Lin to kiss him. It was tentative and sweet and Jon’s heart was about to leap out of his chest and he was sure Lin could feel it. Curling his hand around the back of Lin’s head, Jon encouraged the kiss to deepen.

You: Lin closed his eyes as they kissed, just feeling how nice and sweet it was to be kissing him properly, and not for some prank. He made a quiet noise as it started to deepen, as full of noise as ever. He couldn’t keep quiet at any aspect of his life. He melted against Jon’s chest, allowing the kiss to deepen even further, pressing his tongue against the seam of Jon’s plump lips.

-- And then it got a little NSFW that I won’t post here -- 

#hamilton #hamilton rpf #grofflin #grofflin rp

[newagesispage]

                                                          FEBRUARY           2019

 PAGE  RIB

***** I am over the moon at the suggestion of a biopic of Dave Letterman starring Michael Shannon. Will somebody think about really putting this into production??? Please??

***** Criminal Minds will wrap it up after this next and 15th season. The season 14 finale on Feb.6 will have Rossi’s wedding. They will spend the last season chasing after ‘a worthy adversary’ rumored to be played by Harold Perrineau as they jump ahead in time.

***** I am so touched by shows like Grace and Frankie and Schitt’s Creek that look right past the usually discussed issues for interracial and same sex couples .  Gee, just think, it’s like we are all the same.

***** If you haven’t seen Michael Bennet and his senate floor speech about Ted Cruz, government shutdowns and Trump, run to C-span and catch it. These things make me proud to be in a DEMOCRACY!

***** Can this be true?? The constitution of Texas states that one can’t hold public office unless they believe in a supreme being??

***** Julian Castro is running for President.

***** Kamala Harris is running for President.

***** Cory Booker is running for President.

***** HGTV is apparently working on a huge publicity stunt and ratings grabber. They have purchased the home whose exterior was used in the Brady Bunch. A show will reunite the cast, bring in some famous fane and remodel the inside to look like the Brady set. At the end they may give the house away.

***** Michael Shannon and Audra McDonald will team up to revive Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune on Broadway.

***** Rashida Jones and Bill Murray will star in Sofia Coppola’s’ On the Rocks.’

***** Why isn’t extreme ironing a bigger sport by now??** And can we make Petanque a bigger thing while we’re at it?

***** Craig Ferguson is selling his LA compound.

***** China has landed on the far side of the moon!!!

***** NASA’s New Horizons has went further than anyone has gone before for our first image of Ultima Thule.

***** Kentucky has introduced a bill to ban abortion in the state.

***** Told to a reporter: “It’s your job to speak truthfully and precisely, not mine.” –Kellyanne Conway** The new book, Team of Vipers, suggests that The Conways are working in concert.  It is thought that she is valuable to Trump because she has no qualms about saying anything.

***** Super bowl LIII will host Maroon 5, Travis Scott and Big Boi. They will have no pre- concert interview. It is said that many artists turned down the gig because of the controversy. Maroon 5 has gotten some shit for performing but they caution us to just watch.** Roger Waters has asked Maroon 5 to take a knee during the show.

***** Natasha Lyonne is getting raves for her new show, Russian Doll.

***** Tom Sizemore was arrested for drug possession.

***** 6 NFL coaches were fired in one week!!!

***** Pentagon chief of staff, rear admiral Kevin Sweeney is out.

***** Rod Rosenstein is on the way out.

***** Jaymo’s, a Peoria company is suing Wendy’s over the use of their S’Awesome sauce.

***** We should enact the stop the stupidity act.

***** Why does it seem every other show on the air is sort of an entire season of a Twilight Zone episode?

***** There are more people in the Kremlin than in Washington who know what Trump said to Putin. – Tom Nichols

***** Members of congress can retire at full pay after 1 term. Children of congress members don’t have to pay back student loans. Is that true?? Can this be right??

***** Dupont is laying off workers.

***** Check out love your brain.com.

***** The Golden Globes were held and were hosted by Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh.  My best dressed was Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Moss. Danai Gurira, Julia Roberts, Carol Burnett, Emily Blunt, Lupita Nyong’o, Patricia Clarkson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jameela Jamil, Rosamund Pike, Jim Carrey, Alison Brie, Gemma Chan and Bradley Cooper. Worst dressed goes to Rachel Weisz, Julianne Moore, Layra Dern, Anne Hathaway, Maya Rudolph, Rami Mlek, Molly Sims and Heidi Klum. I was so happy for winners like The Americans (highlight of the evening!!!), Regina King, Lady Gaga, Mahershala Ali, Patricia Clarkson, Darren Criss, Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami Malek, Olivia Colman and Green Book.  The Cecil B. DeMille award went to Jeff Bridges. The new Carol Burnett award started off with Carol herself. I was saddened that Bill Hader, Henry Winkler, Kieran Culkin, Keri Russell and Sacha Baron Cohen went home empty handed. The Fiji water girl got most of the press and gave much free advertising to her product.  Some of the stars did not like her getting in their shots to push a product without their knowledge, both a clever and sad state of affairs.

***** The Kominsky Method will be back for season 2.

***** The Sag awards had their big night and gave the lifetime achievement to Alan Alda. Winners included Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Black Panther, Rami Malek and Glenn Close. I was especially thrilled with some love goingto Jason Bateman and Patricia Arquette. Best dressed were Amy Adams, Yara Shahidi, Brian Tyree Henry, Sydelle Noel, Eddie Griffin, Holly Taylor, Sofia Hubitz, Emma Stone, Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Laverne Cox, Timothee Chalamet, Robin Wright, Lily Tomlin, Chadwick Boseman, Matthew Rhys, Keri Russell, and Catherine Zeta Jones. The WTF award goes to Alison Brie.

***** The Oscar race is on. Best picture could go to Blank Panther, Blackkklansman, Roma, The Favourite, Green Book, Vice, Bohemian Rhapsody and A Star is born. Black Panther also got some love for music and costume design.  Fingers crossed for Isle of Dogs in the animated category. Actor nods had a few surprises. Willem Dafoe and Rami Malek , Lady Gaga and Melissa McCarthy are up for leads and supporting mentions are for Mahershala Ali, Regina King, Adam Driver and Sam Elliott. I am so hopeful for Spike Lee and I want to hear that speech.

***** If you haven’t seen Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, you gotta check it out. He and Sarah Silverman should go on a tour of teaching acceptance for their fellow man.

***** So.. Fox news said that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was dead??

***** In sexual harassment news: Harvey Weinstein is hiring new lawyers.** Les Moonves is seeking arbitration with CBS.

***** Cher has sold her Beverly Hills cottage.

***** Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber’s daughter, Presley was arrested for DUI.

***** CBS news has named its first female President, Susan Zirinsky.

***** What is happening to the butterflies?

***** Illinois has refused a concert permit to R Kelly and Sony has dropped him. The pressure is finally starting to pay off??

***** Get ready for biopics about Harriet Tubman, Elton John and Ted Bundy.

*****  NY mayor Bill De Blasio has given healthcare to every resident of NY city.

***** 25% of Russians do not have indoor toilets. Putin and his buddies have about $1trillion tucked away from London to Miami.

***** Days alert: I wonder if Leo’s real name ‘Matthew Cooper’ is a nod to out actor Chad Allen from Dr. Quinn??!! It is also fun to see Judith Chapman take on the role of Leo’s Mama, Diana. The pair played Mother and son previously on The Young and the Restless. Is she really Diana Colville from John’s past??** So Stefan has been played by Tyler Christopher who asked for some time off and a sub was put in place who will take over in March. Since Christopher left, he has since decided that he will leave permanently so things are up in the air. Will Stefan and Gabi hook up? Days has been renewed for season 55. HOORAY!!!! Ratings are up 4%. **Loved the line when Chloe told Rex he should wear a cup. **Leo and Xander’s playful “lust” was so sassy!!

***** Happy Valentine’s Day!

***** Steve Buscemi will play God on tv’s Miracle Workers.

***** So, the new Conan format has ups and downs. I miss the band and the desk but I am Loving the fade in and fade out at commercials. I have always hated the, “We’ll be right back “ nonsense. I was sad to lose a half hour at first but Conan and Andy do seem refreshed.

***** Still waiting for the release of Apple Seed which is written, directed and starring Michael Worth. It is one of the final films of Rance Howard who stars with his son, Clint, Adrienne Barbeau and the other Father and son team of Robby and Zephyr Benson.

***** The January Bob Segar concert in Illinois at the Peoria Civic Center is the top selling concert ever at this venue. Old rock acts take note.

***** Bob Costas is out at NBC after 40 years.

***** Trial and Error has been cancelled. BOO!!!

***** Steve Carell will star in Space Force which he is co-creating with The Office showrunner Greg Daniels.

***** Despite some people I admire that are giving Alexandria Ocasio Cortez a talking to like she’s a child, I say ‘Give ‘em Hell!’  She could well be President so fight girl!!

***** Word is that Karen Pence is now teaching at the Immanuel School in Virginia. The school refuses admission to students who participate in or condone homosexual activity. The application for the school states that misconduct includes heterosexual activity outside of marriage, homosexual activity, polygamy, transgender identity and use of pornographic websites. The application goes on to state that ‘a wife must submit to her husband’ and a pledge must be signed to that effect.

***** There is controversy over the bill to give people a day off for Election Day. Many people will still have to work, the country never completely shuts down. How many fucking times do I have to say it: VOTE BY MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

***** So, Scary clown told us Mexico would pay for ‘the wall’. During the campaign he gave actual ideas for that like Mexico giving us a one time payout or else he would not allow Mexican immigrants to western union money back to Mexico. Another idea was that there would be a great ta on that Western union money. It does not seem like they tried any of that and just decided we would pay for the stupid ‘wall.’ How about the money he makes off Trump merch which his website and hotels still sell to pay for it?? How about the $35 million that Trump sold in real estate in 2018? The ‘Wall’ go fund me did not reach its $1billion goal so the $20 million they did collect is being offered for refunds. Some of those people still want that money to go for its purpose so Trump is creating a non- profit. Can’t we use that money to help the border patrol agents and get the backlog in immigration court moving?? That we are still talking about this ridiculous wall and that it had a go fund me page is enough to boggle the normal brain.** I think Kimmel said it best when he suggested that Trump just tell the red hats that the wall has been built.  They believe everything he says so why wouldn’t they believe that??  It would save the country a lot of headaches. ** What the Hell is with his new “wheels and walls” mantra??** Russia caused Brexit too? Putin is a menace.** Another sink hole appeared the White House. WTF?

***** The congressional budget office says the shut down cost the U.S. 11 billion

***** Trump is talking to Herman Cain about a job on the Federal Reserve Board.

***** The GOP is selling fake bricks that cost about 50 cents for $20 each to send to Senate Dems. Some have said that the Dems should sign them and sell them and give the money to government workers. ** Why are Russian jets fucking around on the North American coastline??

***** Roger Stone has been indicted on 5 counts of false statements, 1 count of obstruction and 1 count of witness tampering. The FBI officers who arrested him were part of the shut down and they still did their job!!  He publically and privately claimed to have communicated with Russia. Predictions are that many more indictments are coming down the pike that involve many familiar faces.** Roger Stone has a Nixon tattoo on his back. I feel sorry for his cell mate.-Bill Maher

***** Bill Maher got some flak for comments after Stan Lee died. He wasn’t slamming Lee, but wondered about comic book fans putting away childish things. I suppose that could include weed but point taken.

***** Jared Kushner along with 30 other White House staff was denied top secret clearance but Trump advisor Carl Kline overruled that decision and gave it to them anyway. This has never been done before, this is a job for intelligent agencies.

***** Empire star Jussie Smollett was attacked in Chicago in what cops are saying was a possible hate crime. The attackers were yelling that this was MAGA country, poured bleach on him and put a rope around his neck.  The actor was previously sent a letter full of homophobic and racist slurs which he FBI had been looking into.

***** Ellen page gave us some memorable, powerful words to chew on with her appearance on Stephen Colbert. I am sure she gave courage to many who suffer because of our hate filled administration.

***** Gwyneth Paltrow is being sued from a 2016 ski incident for 3 mil.

***** I gain more and more respect for Seth Meyers. I did not really understand the choice of him as host in the beginning. His notice of local stations, choice of guests and revolving drummers makes for a great show.

***** A Dutch company may have invented a small device that converts heat into cold and Forbes is saying, ‘it could save the planet.’

***** So looking forward to Ryan Murphy’s The Politician which will star Jessica Lange, Gwyneth Paltrow and January Jones.

***** I know that is has happened little by little and we go thru times in our history when things get worse and then things get better but… When did this country get so fucking corrupt?? I mean seriously.. Why is Brendan Dassey still in prison and why is there no real justice for Teresa Halbach? ** Why is Trump still in the White House?**Why are government workers being told to work for nothing?? Why is R Kelly still living it up?? Why are some states going backward in time when it comes to women’s health?? Why do many corporations care more about their own pockets than the children of their employees or the environment around them??** Why does our justice system so often punish big for small infractions and allow the powerful to do anything they want?? **Why is a wall a better idea than infrastructure or warm beds for the homeless or food for our children and why are so many children in cages??

***** How can it be that we are still in a world where people are not allowed to reach their full potential?? Why do so many selfish humans actually fight to live in a world where they actively hold others back? Shouldn’t we all be concerned about the greater good?  We should all be allowed to see a Doctor when we are ill. We should all be able to excel in education if we choose .We should all be able to get a job to fit our skills and work ethic.  Opportunities and the pursuit of happiness should be available to all. Why is this so fucking hard for so many to grasp in this world? Imagine!

***** Sundance premiered the new flick, Big time adolescence with Griffin Gluck and Pete Davidson. Pete has since made no bones about filming in Syracuse. He hated it.

***** Jeff Flake will join CBS news as a contributor.

***** Tom Brokaw is in a bit of trouble for saying Hispanics should work harder at assimilation.

***** The Tom Hanks/ Matthew Rhys film, A beautiful day in the neighborhood has pushed back its release date to Nov. 22.

***** People are illogical and self- centered. Love them anyway. -Hedy Lemarr

*****R.I.P. Bob Einstein, Millie Wiesehan, victims of the Torrance. Ca. bowling alley shooting, Captain Darryl Dragon, Jo Andres, Lamin Sanneh, Carol Channing, Sandra Harmon, Bradley Bolke, the victims of Mediterranean shipwreck, Lorna Doom, victims of the Florida bank shooting, Kaye Ballard, Willie York , Barbara Claman , victims of the mining dam collapse in Brazil and James Frawley.

[i-have-been-changed-for-good]

Uncertainties

Monday -  I'm finishing up at the printer when Scott comes in. I turn around and take him in: the small smile, the bright face, his long-sleeved black shirt. We greet each other and I go into my cubicle. I go out into the warehouse twice to bring paper in for the printer. Scott has his cell in his hands. Out of the 4 times I pass, he doesn't look at me even once. I come out of my cubicle to grab papers and Scott is just coming down his hall, about to go back into his office. I look at him and he's looking at me, and he casually turns his head away. He can be frustrating sometimes being so hot and cold. During my lunch, when I close the door of the individual bathroom, I see Scott is in his chair. When I come out, he's gone. I make my way down the hall slowly and peer into his office. He's not in there. I start walking back to my cubicle and hear someone coming up the hall from the bathroom. It's Scott. We say "hey." I go into my cubicle and grab my water and go back to Scott's office. He's now walking up the other hall, so I turn around and go to the jug by me to fill up my bottle. When I go back to his office, he's rummaging in his bottom drawer. He has a huge medicine bottle, though not much is left in it. His doctor told him to take the rest of it and see how his stomach feels. He's standing so close to me and I look at his face. It's lovely. I look away quickly, as if I'm guilty from simply admiring this man. He says he'll be right back, he needs to clean the little medicine cup. When he comes back in, I ask him about his weekend. He says it was good, just worked on his garage. I can tell from the energy he's giving off that there was more to his weekend, but he can't mention it because it involves his wife. I start doing neck rolls, my long pony tail moving across my face as I do so. When I am done, Scott is looking at me and asks what I'm doing. I say I was doing neck rolls cuz they feel good. Erin, who used to work in our building but moved to the other building, comes in looking for Chris, who has his own office now. Scott gets super animated, then when she leaves, he resumes his normal demeanor. I feel sad. He gets more excited talking to other people than he does with me. Scott asks me about my weekend and I say how I slept till 3 Saturday. Scott doesn't think he's ever slept that late in his life. I'm just always so worn down from constantly running, plus I never get a decent amount of sleep during the week. I tell him I did start decorating though, and I talk about that. He asks me how work was yesterday, which he never asks. I tell him it was terrible but that my GM bought my meal for me, which was nice. I say how its going to get worse soon, once the weather gets cold and people have nothing better to do than go to brunch. "Yeah, Brunch with Santa is like the worst thing to ever happen to me." Scott laughs. Obviously, I'm being dramatic, but Brunch with Santa is the absolute fucking worst brunch. Scott asks why it's so bad, so I explain the large amount of people, the phone calls, the grumpy people who don't want to sit near any kids (obviously not possible), and the people who let their kids run loose and mess with table settings. Scott asks me if I had the new WaWa coffee and I say I have, but we're both talking about 2 different coffees, 2 new flavors. We continue talking about coffee flavors and I mention this mushroom coffee I always hear yogis talking about. Scott says that sounds disgusting and I say I am skeptical to listen to them now since oat milk I kept hearing about was not as good as I thought it would be. I say I want to try the macadamia milk next and that I think it will be good, but Scott thinks it may be similar to almond milk probably. He tells me he ordered a $27 pizza yesterday and I’m flabbergasted. It was just a Margarita pizza and this place by him doesn’t have it on their menu, but they made it for him anyway. He says it was good, but maybe not $27 worth good, but still good. I can’t imagine spending that much on one meal. A song is playing and Scott says it’s similar to what was playing on Friday and that it isn’t Latino. I say how this song is different, definitely reggae. Scott really wants to prove a point here how he doesn’t listen to Latino music, but of course I’m only messing with him. He says he can’t help what comes on the station, but he’s persistent that the song on Friday was not Latino. I respond with a smile, “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.” He smiles and says, “Shut up.” He tells me he has to get his ultrasound done on his stomach Thursday and how he has to go to Philly, which he isn’t looking forward to. He would rather drive though, whereas I’d rather take the train. I talk about my dad living over there and how it’s always annoying finding parking, though Scott will be in the Center City area where there’s parking garages.

When Scott goes on lunch, I swear he walks past my cubicle and then backtracks. Most days I don’t want anything, so that’s probably why he almost didn’t stop to ask. I don’t want anything today.

My mind drifts to thinking about Scott and his wife, and how they do look like a couple. They go together. And I hate creating these images in my mind, because I know it doesn’t mean anything, yet I feel like it does. It hurts that I still never got any sort of answer from Scott, and I don’t understand why he couldn’t give me one. A little later, I'm in the bathroom thinking about Scott while I'm at the sink, wondering if how he acts different around me is a good or bad thing. I come out of the bathroom and who is coming down the hall? Scott. We see each other and little smiles cross both our faces. I take him in: his straight, swaggering walk and how he holds himself; dressed in black; his clear, open face. I can feel myself light up. We say hey. As he gets closer and walks past me I want to grab him and pull him close. 

At the end of the day, I ask how his day has been and he says it’s been okay. It’s Monday. I say how I feel like Mondays for others are what Sundays are for me, so when I come in Monday mornings, I don’t dread it. He has an empty water bottle draped across his safety glasses and the o-ring on his desk. I say it looks like some sort of weird modern art installation. Scott smiles and says that’s what it is, his art. I ask him where he got his blueberry gum from and he says WaWa has it right now 2 for $2. He just got an email from some guy named Dave Gay. Scott says it must suck to have that last name, how the guy was probably picked on as a kid. “Mm yeah, your favorite word,” I say. “I do say that a lot,” Scott responds. He does say, “That’s gay” an awful lot, and I’m so torn between wanting to correct him and just letting it be. One of my ex-boyfriends used to say that until I got him out of the habit of saying it after I explained why it’s wrong. Scott then says, “Mr. Gay” and I do laugh at that, because it sounds funny when it’s said like that, and I mean technically, it is the guy’s name. I say how one of the freight vendors I get invoices for is called Catskill, and it always reminds me of him (Scott’s last name is somewhat similar). It’s time to go. I go and grab my things and go back to Scott’s office since he’s leaving on time. He’s down the end of the hall at the mini fridge grabbing one of his canned lattes. He sees me waiting for him as he heads back down the hall, and a small smile crosses his face. We walk out together.

Tuesday -  Scott comes in late, so I end up greeting him at the coffee machine. He comes around the corner and I can tell he was expecting me there. The coffee machine is pretty loud. We lock eyes and greet each other. When I'm done eating lunch, I go down the hall to clean out my bowl. When I turn around, I see that Scott isn't in his office for the second day in a row. I walk down the hall and then when I round the corner I almost bump into him. We smile at each other. I go about my normal routine and then go into his office. I ask how his day has been and he says he's been busy. He asks me how my day has been. I say I'm really tired and that I was falling asleep at my desk earlier. Scott is tired today too. I was up late and plus was volunteering last night. I need about 7-8 hours sleep to feel well-rested. I tell Scott I went to Target last night too but they were out of the costumes for cats. Scott smiles and asks if they're popular and I say they must be. I did get a few good decorations though. I also tell him they have a cool selection of milks and that this time I got flaxseed milk, which Scott has never heard of. He doesn't ever even need to try them since I'm sure I'll keep him updated on which milks are best lol. While Scott is standing there working, I position the o-ring and shoot my gum wrapper through it. It bounces off of Scott's chair and lands somewhere to Scott's left. Scott completely missed my awesome shot. He says he's hungry and that he's going out for lunch. I ask him if he can get me a Starbucks drink. A random thought strikes me out of nowhere: does Scott ever question if his wife was the right person to marry? I ignore these intruding thoughts and keep talking to Scott. We somehow get talking on Canada and I say how I'd trust a Canadian more than an American. Scott doesn't follow my reasoning on this, and we also talk about moose. When my lunch is over, I write down on a sticky note what I want and give Scott money. I go back to my desk and hear him laugh loudly with Steve a minute later. I wish I could bring that kind of happiness to Scott.... Again I wonder why he acts differently with others than he does with me. Scott comes into my cubicle to give me my drink and change. He hopes he got me the right thing, which he did. He wasn't sure if I wanted the protein double shot so he got the regular, which is what I had written down. I thank him and tell him he did good. I go in the end of the day and say how I had so much caffeine today that I feel like I could never sleep again. Scott laughs and asks if I liked the drink. I tell him I did, that it was different at first but I decided I liked it. It was kind of creamy too. I say how I'll probably still go to bed early anyway, which ideally is what I should be doing. I notice Steve has a bigger part on his desk than the one I usually play with on Scott’s desk, though they look to be the same kind of part. I learn that they are called an o-ring (hence my calling it by it’s proper name a few paragraphs up). I know the part name from orders, but I don't ever get to see parts in person except if Scott happens to have one on his desk, which is rare aside from the o-ring he keeps there for me. Scott laughs and says he's sorry that he got me a smaller one instead of a large one. I was just messing with him. At one point, Scott and I definitely check each other out at the same time and exchange flirty smiles. His smile makes me melt. I tell Scott i was listening to a podcast earlier about having a fall bucket list and Scott asks me what that is. "Its a bucket list, but for the fall," I reply, purposely being cheeky. Scott smiles and says, "I know that, but what do you put on it?" I start naming examples of fall-themed activities. We get talking about energy drinks, which I never liked too much except for when I would party a lot, my friends and I would start our nights off doing Jägerbombs. Scott used to do these too, though we both haven't done them in forever. He starts clicking and I comment about how he wasn't going to tell me it was time to go. He smiles and says he wouldn't just leave me here, and I say something along the lines of doubting that. We walk out together.

Wednesday -   When I turn my head over my shoulder to greet Scott, I don't turn back around right away. I beam at him and we lock eyes, and he gives me a little smile. I can tell that I look pretty enthusiastic, but I can't help myself. I made coffee in a paper cup today, so I eventually have to heat it back up. When I walk down the hall, I'm fixing my one pocket, and when I look back up, I can tell Scott had just turned away from looking at me. Right as I pass, I saw him start to turn again, but it was too late. I'm going out for lunch, so I message Scott if he wants anything, but he says he's good. Before I go on lunch, however, I need to ask Scott something about an order he took. I go to the doorway and walk in confidently. He watches me walk in with a small smile on his face. I'm standing so close to him. His mouth, his smile, his teeth...all of it is so nice. When I turn around, I somehow knock the o-ring off his desk. I turn around and Scott is grinning at me. I pick it up and put it back on his desk. I finish eating around 12:30, later than usual since I ran out for lunch. Chris is in Scott's office talking to him. I get really annoyed because I know Chris knows I go in there and he has all fucking day to talk to Scott, yet he goes in during the only time of the day I can. After he left Scott completely alone for the week Steve was on vacation, he officially got himself onto my Shit List. So he annoys me in general now, let alone when he’s in Scott’s office during my lunch. Finally, at 12:35, he leaves and I go in. Scott says he's busy as usual. I show him a video I took of ducks this morning playing in a puddle. I love the ducks. Scott goes over to the bin next to the door and asks where the orders went. Of course, I don't know. He calls Chris, who said he took them, and Scott tells him to throw out an order he needs to cancel. I bought one of the Starbucks Doubleshots, whihc is what Scott got me yesterday, and I ask Scott what guaranine is since it’s on the front. Scott says cocaine and I say that makes sense as to why I had so much energy yesterday after drinking one. Scott asks if I really like it, and I say it's not bad and that I was gonna try the protein ones but this can was bigger. "You like big things?". I look at Scott with a big, closed-mouth smile. I don't know how to take this question, nor how to answer it. "Uhhh...I guess." Scott grins and I teeth-smile as I bite my lip. Then I go back to that big closed-mouth smile as Scott looks back and forth from me to the computer several times. Finally he says, "I asked because you mentioned the bigger o-ring yesterday too." Mhmm, sure, Scott, I’m sure that’s exactly why you asked. He gets up and puts an order in the bin and I look at his nice butt. He has an apple on his desk and I ask of he eats one every day, cuz it's not keeping the doctor away. He smiles and says it's not. We start talking about apples and of course we disagree on which ones are the best. When it's time to leave and I pick up my drink, there's a ton of water condensation on his desk. I start wiping it with my sleeve when I stand up and Scott grins up at me, shaking his head. I grin back and once satisfied with my cleaning skills, I walk out. During Scott's lunch, tar from the roof gets blown onto cars. It seems like it just blew onto cars on the main side of the building, but I want to go out back to check my car. I hear the back door open and get up, but it's Pete. He says my car looked okay from a distance, but I still want to check just in case. Right when I reach the back door, I hear it click unlock from the outside. As soon as Scott sees me, he smiles and I smile back. I ask if he got tar on his car and he said no and asks what happened. I tell him apparently they're working on the roof and tar blew onto people's cars on the side and I want to check mine just in case. Scott was at WaWa and just got back not that long ago, but all the cars out back seem okay. I walk away toward my car and I know Scott is watching me because the door doesn't close right away, and it's a door that slams. When I get to my car a few moments later, I hear the door finally slam shut. 

I go into Scott's office the end of the day, and he's finishing up some last minute work. I need to go to Wal-Mart but never really go, so I don't know if they'll be busy this time of day. Scott tells me to check online for the live thing Google does. Scott gets a phone call but tells Linda to tell the guy that he left for the day since he still has 7 emails to answer. Scott tells me he has someone coming for his heater tomorrow morning, and depending on what time they're done, he may just take the day off since he also has his doctor appointment. It's time to go and as I walk away I say, "Bye, Scott. See ya tomorrow." When I get to the doorway I turn around and add, grinning, "Well, maybe not." And Scott says, "Yeah, if not I'll see you Friday." He grins back at me. I have a feeling Scott will not be coming in tomorrow, but it's okay. I'm getting used to this. I know I'll get to see him Friday. I wonder if there are feelings on Scott’s end, but I have no definitive way of knowing. Could Scott acting different around me be his way of trying to keep himself emotionally distant? Am I just reading too much into things? 

Thursday -  Some time in the 10 o'clock hour, I start wishing I could see Scott. Right after, I get an order from a warehouse guy. Scott took the order. I take it as a sign, and then I know for sure he won't be in today. I have therapy tonight and I mention how I'm not sure why Scott acts different with me. My therapist said that with others, he wears his social face, even if he tends to not like people. (I had mentioned how Scott will act super friendly with people, even if he doesn't really like them, though I think that's just a few people). She also said he can probably relax and be himself with me. He doesn't feel the need to act a certain way. She does have a good point, but when I hear him laugh so loud with Chris and Steve, I have my doubts. I just wish Scott could have answered me and told me what's going on on his end. I wonder if he'll ever care enough to let me know. 

Friday -  Scott comes in late, but it works out. When I go to make my coffee, the jug needs to be changed. I start pouring what's left in the old jug into the top of the coffee machine when I hear the back door open, I know it's Scott. He comes around the corner while I'm still pouring. I look under my arm, smile, and say, "Hey, Scott. Good morning." He smiles back at me and greets me in return. I'm stamping papers at the printer when Scott comes out of his office to use the men's room. Pete is at the coffee machine, so I don't want to be too obvious. I turn to look at Scott, who isn't looking at me. He does turn to me when I look at him though. I second-guess Scott's enthusiasm toward others. It's hard for me to picture it as him just being social. He always sounds so happy. During my lunch, I ask how his doctor appointment went. He said as he expected: they didn't find anything. I ask him what now, and he says that they're going to do a test on his throat to test his acid levels. He talks about his ultrasound and I picture his shirt up, belly showing. Ugh, lucky doctor. He did find out that he has a tiny hernia though. Scott had to go to Philly, which he doesn't like doing. He forgot his parking pass so he had to pay $22 for parking. I tell him that it was good he wasn't here yesterday because it was terrible. I don't think Steve had a good day either. Scott said he offered to come in for a few hours but Steve said he was fine. Idk though, cuz Steve was still here when I left, and I heard him freak out a few times, though not too bad. I tell Scott that I had 22 orders to do. On a normal day, I average around 8 or less. I say how I woke up in the morning and just knew it was a stretchy pants kind of day so that I could be comfy. Scott asks me if my jeans are stretchy and I say sort of, I have some wiggle room. He smiles. I say how apparently warehouse guys have been double-picking orders, so I had to check behind each order to make sure they weren't already picked. And Damien shipped 3 orders using the wrong freight carrier. I say, "I shouldn't have to go behind grown ass men to make sure they're doing their job right." I'm just annoyed because I work hard and I still struggle financially, and some of those guys can do overtime while doing minimal work during regular hours. I tell Scott I did get a $1 raise though, which I found out yesterday, but I take it that means I'm not getting hired before the end of this year. Still, it's something. I can't leave the restaurant though. $2 and I could've made it work, but $1 unfortunately isn't enough. We somehow get talking on $2 million dollars and I say how I doubt I'll see that in my lifetime. Scott replies, "You never know. You're still young." It irks me when my youth is mentioned by Scott. He says I should play the lottery, it's only $1. When I say I'm not sure, he asks me what I'm gonna do with $1. "That's coffee money," I reply. Scott smiles and shakes his head. I ask Scott about his weekend plans, and he just says he's working on the garage again. At one point, Scott looks down at me and has a little smile on his face. When I look at him, he asks, "What you doing?". "You always ask me that," I laugh. "I'm just sitting here, not causing any trouble." Scott says he was going to go to Nashville for an Eagles game with friends, but obviously he's here instead. I ask why he didn't go and if it was too expensive. He mumbles some sort of non-committal answer. I get the feeling that his little family survives mostly off of what Scott makes. I could be wrong, but that’s the impression that I get. He says the day is dragging, but I think it's going fast. I say how its finally October on Monday, the best month. Scott probably thinks I'm just saying that because of my birthday, but that's not true. I really do love October. Scott likes September the best because of the weather, but he said this year it wasn't good because of all the rain. During our whole conversation, I wonder if Scott actually wants to talk to me. I see how he is with others and then how he is with me, and I just don't know. Scott had told me during his lunch that he needs to go out, but I'm hoping he still stops by and asks me. I hadn't thought about it till I got back to my desk, and I do have just enough for a drink. I wasn't sure if I did or not. I start working and am hopeful Scott will ask. He doesn't. I hear him pass by. Do I get up and stop him? I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want me around. I don't get up. I have to go into Scott's office to ask Steve about an order. Scott is facing his doorway, but he's absorbed in his cellphone. He doesn't look up at me at all. Not long after, I'm printing and I see the printer is out of paper. I bend over and when I close the trays and turn around, I see Scott had just gone into his office. I know he had to see me bending over. When I'm done putting another order together, I go out into the warehouse. Scott is back on his cell phone and doesn't look up. I have to go ask Steve about a 2nd order he did and just as I am at the window, Angelo comes in through the warehouse. He hands me invoices and asks if I have anything for him. I glance over at Scott, who looked up from his cellphone this time and was looking at me. I backtrack to my desk. When I'm done with Angelo, I go back to talk to Steve. Scott doesn't look at me this time. I'm way too busy right now to care as much as I usually would. While I'm busy with orders, Steve messages me and asks if I can come in when I have a minute. 20 minutes later, I'm done with everything, but Chris is in their office talking to them. After he leaves, I wait a few minutes till I go in. Scott FINALLY looks at me when I go in this time. Steve is asking me about the first order I came in for. While he starts doing stuff on the computer, I angle myself so that I can smile a little at Scott. He has a little smile on his face too and I try to lock eyes with him through his tinted reading glasses. Other than that, he doesn’t look at me for the rest of the time I'm in there except for when I'm about to leave. I turn around and face him, then walk out. I look at him again through Steve's window and his hand goes out, palm up, as if asking "what?" or something along those lines. I am at the printer not long after, and I hear the bathroom door open. It's Scott. I can't read his face though, unsurprisingly. I consider asking Scott if he's okay with me still coming in to talk to him, but when I go in his office at the end of the day, it's clear I don't have to. We engage in playful banter for the last 7 minutes of the day. I ask Scott how the rest of his day has been and he says it hasn't been bad. I say shit hit the fan after I came back from lunch. Scott says he wasn't busy and I laugh and say how all of the issues were only with Steve's orders. He says Steve was upset, that he didn't know what to do about the one order. Steve had stuff on there that Pete said we can't have on the customs invoice, but Steve doesn't really know what to do about it because the info needs to be on there. Scott asks if Pete is a stickler and always does stuff by the book. I say yeah, he's been doing this for 30 years, but also that he kinda has to be that way cuz if any one little thing is off, a shipment could be stopped. Scott says him and Steve can just do stuff however and Chris doesn't care. "Oh, so you guys are little anarchists then?" Scott grins and says yeah. I kind of teeter back and forth. With trade compliance, I have to do things exact, but with invoice stuff I can say "fuck it." I say this to Scott, then say how I pass stuff to Angelo and then stuff just never gets done. We laugh. Scott says how its cold in here today. He specifically says it feels like it’s 32°. I say how its not bad today and I took my sweater off a few times. "You're only saying that to disagree with me," he says, smiling. "No I'm not! I don't disagree  just to disagree with you. We just happen to not agree a lot." We both laugh. On the little things, Scott and I rarely agree, but on bigger things we seem to have the same mindset. I say how I'm debating on getting coffee after work but I don’t know if I want to go to WaWa or not, though they have the cheapest coffee. I say how I was up till about 2 am. Scott asks me why and I say because I was reading and that my book right now is really good. I don’t think he was expecting this answer, but he seems intrigued. He asks me what I’m reading and I say it’s a mystery novel, which is a genre I don’t really read but that the book is pretty good, that I read about 200 pages in 4 days. Scott replies, “Wow.” I say how I went to WaWa yesterday after work and it was stupid busy. Scott says they’re always busy, which is true, and that he went there today to the one off of exit 18. I live off of exit 19, so I say how I think it’s the one by me, but Scott says it isn’t. He’s never been to my place (obviously I would have posted about it 100 times if he had been) but I’ve mentioned where I live enough times for him to know. We go back and forth about if it’s the WaWa I’m thinking of, and I think Scott may be right on this one. I say how I’ve only gone to WaWa a few times for my lunch and I go to the one by our work that you don’t need to go on the highway to get to. Scott says he thinks that one’s a longer drive but that it’s more scenic. My mind draws a blank. “Scenic?” “Yeah, scenic.” “Oh! Like with a view,” I laugh. Scott replies, “And you were a teacher....” “What does that have to do with anything?” I laugh. It’s time to go. We walk out together and after I say my good bye to Scott, I feel a pang in my chest. I feel like there is so much inside of me that I want to say to him, but I’m not entirely sure what those words are. It could also be that I just want to talk to him more. I calculated it and on average, I talk to Scott around 3 hours total a week. It seems like such a small, flimsy number, though every second of it means so much to me. I decide to make it a goal of mine to maybe try flirting with him again, or maybe in some way try letting him know (in a non-weird way) how he’s important to me. I don’t know. I just have so many feelings building up inside that it feels like I may burst if I don’t let some of it out soon. I’d rather I let it ooze out a little rather than having it all overflow, and risk me doing something impulsive or stupid. That may include me asking Scott some sort of question, when I repeatedly told myself I was not going to confront Scott ever again, no matter what. I just feel like I’m being filled with so many uncertainties, so many more questions, and the only person who can clear things up for me once and for all seems to still be as tight-lipped as he’s always been.

[aprilrichardson]

I Know It’s Over

There are people to whom music doesn't matter. I often envy these people. My mom is one of them -- she's not really concerned with music, poetry, movies, or anything in popular culture. She considers herself a whole, satisfied person without these things in her life, free from any aesthetic crutches. I am not one of those people. I needed music. I need music. From a very early age, I needed music to tell me I was okay. I needed it to tell me I was normal, I needed it to tell me I was weird, I needed it to confirm that I'd be fine either way. I needed it in a dramatic way. I needed it in a mundane way, playing all the time in the background like wallpaper with a pattern you've stopped noticing. I needed to identify with it, I needed it to make me feel complicated emotions I'd never felt before; it could comfort me or repulse me, soothe me or force me to look outward, echo my own sentiments or expand my mind to fit new ones. Music (and the bands/people who made it) served as my mentor, my older sibling, my voice of reason and, at times, bad influence. When you're an only child from a fractured family, you spend a lot of time in your room. Your hobbies can become your closest friends. Music became my savior and my most time-consuming, all-encompassing, money-draining pursuit. My savings account would be at least triple its current amount had I not been so obsessed with seeing bands and collecting their records. Perhaps I would have created more things of my own if I'd not spent so much time fawning over the creations of others. My personality would have been entirely different if, early on in my youth, I had not blatantly lifted the clothes and mannerisms and styles of those I looked up to or had not read the books and watched the movies they had championed. For better or worse, art -- this specific form of art, music -- has been and continues to be a transformative force in my life. At the very center of this were two bands, R.E.M. and The Smiths, and specifically two people: Michael Stipe and Morrissey. My first two real heroes, with now only the former still on the pedestal I built when I was around 11 or 12. I moved to a new neighborhood and school district when I was in second grade, and became fast friends with a boy my age who lived one street over. Nathan and I shared a lot of the same interests, and as we started middle school, a deep obsession with those two aforementioned bands and frontmen (and, also, Depeche Mode and Dave Gahan). Nathan was gay before either one of us knew what that meant, and was often mocked for this -- I was made fun of, too, but for reasons far less difficult for me than coming to terms with my sexuality as an adolescent. But, for our own reasons, we were outcasts, seeking comfort in our chosen art. This was conservative Georgia in the late '80s/early '90s, a time well before the Internet, before easily accessible media, when role models were fought for tooth and nail, with plans having to be made on how to save enough allowance for cassette tapes, older friends or siblings bribed to purchase things with "parental advisory" labels we'd smuggle into our rooms later. I can barely put into words what hearing (and seeing!) Morrissey for the first time did to us -- did FOR us! For Nathan, in such an environment, Morrissey became a blueprint for queerness, the very first peek into the very POSSIBILITY of life as a grown man who wasn't either an alpha male jock, like all the ones at our school, or stern businessman with a briefcase, like all of our (step)dads. He was the first person to, with his mannerisms and his very existence, communicate to Nathan that it was perfectly fine (and cool even!) to, in the words of the bullies, "act like a girl." And the magical thing is, he somehow simultaneously did the exact opposite for me! As a masculine tomboy, I saw in him a person so easily blurring the lines of both! He made me feel better about the qualities I had so often been told "weren't ladylike." We talked about him constantly. We dressed like him. It goes without saying that his music was playing in the background nearly every time we hung out. I remember my mom allowing me to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson the night Morrissey was on -- I was 12, and I absolutely remember my mom getting angry, watching alongside me as Morrissey fans screamed over Bill Cosby (gulp) as he tried to talk. The next year, Morrissey was on Saturday Night Live, and my mom let me go over to Nathan's house to watch it (our parents became very close friends as well). He taped it on their VCR as we watched, and we immediately played it back. We watched it probably every day for months. We didn't have the money to buy all of his back catalog, so an older kid in my youth group at church let me borrow his Smiths CDs, and I dubbed copies on my tape deck for us. I sat and hand-wrote the lyrics down on notebook paper, carefully transcribing from the liner notes as the tape recorded. It's difficult for me to be eloquent here, and I always find it hard to convey these feelings to people who are, well, normal, who can hear a song and go, "That's nice!" and not have to immediately know its backstory, who wrote it, why they wrote it, what inspires them, what books they read, etc. Who don't feel their insides twist into knots when a turn of phrase meets a melody and the combination makes them feel understood in a way they never have, sets them at ease in a way that even the kind words of the closest relative couldn't do. That is absolutely how I felt the first time I heard The Smiths. When you're 12, at least when I was 12, the last people you feel like you can talk to about your feelings are your parents; and for Nathan, doubly so, as I don't think he could even articulate his until Morrissey's lyrics shed some light on what he'd been going through. So, for us, this guy was so far from "just a singer" -- he was a beacon, a mentor, he told us it was okay to be effeminate and okay to be masculine and okay that you didn't get invited to the parties because staying in your room reading books was more glamorous anyway. The world wasn't made for people like us and that should be worn as a badge of honor, not shame. Such a message was REVELATORY for a girl whose every male role model had let her down or left entirely and a boy who didn't want to play football or shoot guns. The obsession continued and deepened, and in high school, became full on reliance. Who better to help me navigate the emotional minefield that is the teen years than Morrissey? I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, I didn't do drugs, I didn't "party," I didn't even so much as hold a boy's hand until I was a couple weeks shy of 16 years old -- all of the things that kids considered fun and did on a regular basis were so foreign to me, until I got home to my bedroom and was soothed by the voice of a guy who also did not participate in any of the above. I didn't really know anyone in real life who seemed to understand my plight more than the man whose voice was blasting out of my speakers. To me, Morrissey was always absolutely the voice of the underdogs. The weirdos. The outcasts. The disenfranchised. Anyone who felt left out, let down, misunderstood, too sensitive, too sad. He was there to comfort us, understanding and empathetic to our needs while giving the finger to the system and the people therein who were keeping us down, shoving us into lockers, ripping the glasses off our faces and stomping on them in front of their domineering friends. When someone writes songs as seemingly personal as Morrissey's, you tend to think you know them. And in my case, having read so many books about him (and now some BY him), I felt that way, to a degree. I like to think of myself as a rational person (perhaps after reading this far, you disagree), but I definitely felt a bit like I "knew" him in the sense that I'd picked up on words he'd frequently used ("vulgar" and "vile" were personal favorites), had working knowledge of the causes that were important to him, and certainly knew his favorite bands and movies and authors. I'd even been lucky enough to meet him quite a few times, especially after moving to Los Angeles, where I'd see him at restaurants and shows, and he was always cordial (if not downright sweet) to me every time we spoke. Of course I'd heard stories about him "being a dick," but that never bothered me, truly, only because I think that's kind of relative, and perhaps a lack of manners or catching someone on a bad day is a bummer, and the "temperamental artist" archetype exists for a reason. Sure, it's ideal that someone you admire is nice to you should you ever interact, but a surly encounter would not cause me to write someone off completely. So, because of this, well, perhaps delusion, I was able to explain away certain statements, such as calling Chinese people a "subspecies" while addressing animal rights, because I knew of his history of exaggeration when trying to get his point across about that subject in particular, the one perhaps dearest to his heart. (And I won't pretend that white privilege didn't play a part; it's undoubtedly and shamefully easier to conveniently ignore something when you aren't the target.) This person's main place in my life thus far was almost as a therapist, so the possibility of him having anything other than the best of intentions seemed so unlikely. But the words became harder to parse, excuses harder to make. Playing the contrarian for the sake of it isn't helpful (or even entertaining) in times like these. You aren't at the Algonquin Round Table. You're courting Stormfronters. It's not funny or charming. I don't expect every artist I look up to (or even every friend or acquaintance in my life) to share my exact same views, but when your band wears T-shirts supporting the Black Panthers yet you voice your support for the likes of Nigel Farage, how does the cognitive dissonance not paralyze you? You change lyrics to songs to slam Trump, yet you basically share his views on immigration? You imply that a gay teenager -- arguably the demographic most deeply affected by your art -- is at fault for the predatory behavior of an adult? You've told anyone who will listen that you were raised on feminist literature, yet you claim the female victims of Harvey Weinstein -- a man who hired fuckin' BLACK OPS to spy on his accusers to make sure they never came forward, so calculated were his plans -- were just "disappointed" that their RAPES didn't result in career advancement?! WHO ARE YOU. Who is this person saying this? The very person who gave me the strength to stand against the establishment has become the establishment! The person whose voice soothed with empathy and compassion for outsiders like me has become someone I would have crossed the street to avoid. The bullied has become the bully. He has, for years now, exhibited the very closemindedness I thought he was trying to free us from. Is it just an inevitability that the spoils of success will change a person? If you isolate yourself and invite no one into your circle who will ever question you, is this the result? Contempt for the very people who supported you for so long? A quality I used to admire in Morrissey was his obstinance, but I've found as I've aged myself, standing by opinions for the sake of it, refusing to allow yourself to grow and change as more information becomes available, to never soften your heart and swallow your pride and apologize when you've realized you might have been wrong about something -- that's not admirable, that's cowardice. I appreciate it more when people admit they don't know enough about a subject to comment on it instead of making a statement just for attention. My heart is broken. The man I looked to as an oasis of sensitivity in a desert of toxicity seems, well, just plain mean and vengeful now. I refuse to be cynical, and I refuse to be someone who says, "That's what you get for having heroes." Perhaps the lesson here is just knowing when to let go. And that it was indeed the songs that saved my life, not the man.

Fifteen-year-old me in my bedroom.

[adotblog]

Brave Part 16

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, Cheating!

Words: Too many!

Uhh, Lin?”, you call from the sofa, where you are nursing a hangover. “Why have I gained 3000 Twitter followers overnight? I feel like that has something to do with you…”. He comes over, still rubbing sleep from his eyes and clutching an empty coffee cup. “I…think I tagged you in something…check your mentions”, he says. Sure enough there’s a tweet from Lin’s mom. You scroll back further and further to find the start of it all. Aha:

@lin_manuel Mmph @ytwitterhandle makes the BEST cookies.

@ltmphd @lin_manuel She does! Also those brownies last week were so good!

Innocent enough but Lin’s eagle-eyed followers had spotted that you’d met Lin’s Mom twice in a week and started putting two and two together in the replies:

@dothama yo, @ninarosario you said you’d heard he got a girlfriend…

@ninarosario @dothama yeah but have you seen her avi? He could have anybody he wants!

And so it went on, Sure there were some nicer comments but there were a lot that were just mean.

Lin finally hands you a cup of coffee as he sits next to you. “Sometimes people can be a little overzealous-don’t read the replies if it upsets you”, he says, with a quick squeeze of your knee. “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have now..”, you grumble. “Hey”, Lin says, to get your attention back to him. “I’m here, with you, remember?”. “Yeah of course.”, you smile as you put your phone away. But it bothers you more than you admit to him.

—————————————————

It’s Friday and you’re home alone, which is just fine by you. You’ve caught up on some reading, made a great dinner and a tiny serving of cookie dough just for you. It’s late and Netflix isn’t really holding your attention so you’re on and off your social media accounts too.

Lin is out at a party in some nightclub, something hosted by a producer-nothing you’re really interested in attending. Anyway, Lin has been used to going to these things alone so another won’t hurt. Jon is with him and maybe Chris, you can’t remember.

You get a WhatsApp notification from Jazzy, with a photo attached. She’s sent it to your “HamSocial” group- you, Lin, Chris, Anthony, Jonathan, Oak and Daveed. It’s Anthony posing with Cynthia Erivo with the caption “My man’s looking fiiiine tonight! Xoxo”. It’s a cute picture. There are lots of folks in the background, dancing and schmoozing donors and producers. You spot Lin…and the girl he’s kissing.

——————————————————

The next message is from Oak:

“Shit, Jas, how drunk are you? Delete that right now!”

It’s been an hour since the picture showed up. You’ve thought of practically nothing else. Approximately 34 minutes have been spent thinking of all the possible rational, chaste explanations for the photo. The rest assuming the worst and feeling pretty fucking angry about it. You’ve spent no time thinking what you might say to Lin about it all. Which is unfortunate because you can hear a key in the door.

In the ensuing 10 seconds your brain rushes through the following thoughts: He wasn’t meant to be coming over. Usually after these things he just sends a goodnight text. That must mean he wants to talk. Which must mean that the photo depicted EXACTLY what you thought it did.

Then the door opens and his eyes find you and you feel even worse. He looks weighed down. Nervous, sad? Something. You don’t say hello. He closes the door and crosses the room to sit next to you and you try to quiet your brain and still the jiggling of your leg. Lin notices and places a hand on your knee to stop it. You give a tiny, wry laugh.

He looks you straight in the eye. “I need to tell you something.”, he says. You nod, dumbly. Numbly. “Did you see the photo?” he asks outright. You nod again and clench your fists too hard, digging your nails into your palms.

Lin sighs and runs a hand through his hair before meeting your gaze again. What he says next is measured and calm. “The woman is Andrea. She’s a friend of Jon’s friend Amy. They were both chatting with us. We’d had champagne, maybe too much…she’s flirting with me.”. You swallow hard and look at the floor as he continues. “It’s loud, so she leans over to shout in my ear, I don’t hear her so I ask her to repeat it and she just rolls her eyes, grabs me, and kisses me. Took me totally by surprise.”.

You exhale sharply. “That the whole story?”, you ask. “Yes.”, Lin says. Then he rubs a hand across his eyes. “No. It’s not. I kissed her back.”

Your stomach flip-flops. “What?!”, you almost whisper. “Just for a second or two!” You put your head into your hands as he describes what happened. “Then I stopped her, I tell her I have a girlfriend, she laughs and asks why you’re not there”. (You snort incredulously) “I tell her it doesn’t matter, I still have a girlfriend, so I’m not interested. She kind of scoffs at me and flounces off. I told Groff what happened and I left straight away. I got one block before I saw Jasmine’s message and realised she’d photographed the whole thing. So I came here”. He sighs and sits back against your couch.

You take a deep breath but you don’t say anything just yet. Lin is staring at you, desperate for you to speak.

“It was so quick, and I’d been drinking…”, he says feebly. “Oh well that’s ok then”, you goad. “I didn’t ask her to kiss me, it was totally uninvited.”, Lin says, more assertive now. “Look, a woman came on to me, it happens”.

“Oh fuck you! I’m so famous, I’m so popular, women just THROW themselves at my feet!”, you say sarcastically. “For God’s sake, Y/N that’s not what I meant and you know it!”, Lin says animatedly. “Do I?! No I don’t!”, you shout. “This fucking pathological need to be admired and liked is just prime territory for ‘Oh she needed a ride home, Oh she just HAPPENED to come to my dressing room’. Your boundaries are fucked-you’re so eager for the attention!”. “That’s not fair. You make me sound like a fucking creep!”, he returns.

A feeling of dread creeps into your stomach. “Fucking EVERYBODY knows”, you grumble. “I asked Jas to delete the message”, says Lin. “Of course you did”, you scoff. Lin shakes his head “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I really am. Someone came on to me, I told them no. End of story!”. “Lin! A picture of my boyfriend kissing someone else was just sent to several of my friends and colleagues-can you just let me be pissed about it?! Will you stop trying to just neatly tie it all up in a fucking bow and move on?! JESUS.”

You’re standing now, pacing alongside the windowseat. You stop as something hits you. “You came when you saw Jasmine’s message.”, you repeat. “So you weren’t going to tell me about this otherwise?! UGHHHH!”, you shout and throw your hands in the air in frustration.

“That’s not what I meant…”, Lin says calmly. “I meant I knew I had to come NOW, not wait til morning.”. You know he’s telling the truth, but it isn’t calming you down yet. Lin just watches you pace, waiting for you to talk. Eventually you stop. Your WhatsApp notifications have been going crazy this whole time and you stop to check them. Jas has sent three messages apologising, saying she didn’t realise, she’d never hurt you, she doesn’t know what happened with Lin and the girl. You send her a holding message, telling her you’re ok-otherwise she’d worry all night.

The other messages are on the group chat-

Daveed: The fuck, Lin?

Chris: Cut that shit out, y’all know Lin ain’t cheating on Y/N. Let’s all pretend we never saw that and mind our damn business, alright?

Lin: I’m going to Y/N’s place now. Nothing happened, and fuck you guys if you did think I’d cheat!

Chris: Alright, that’s it, I’m deleting this group. I’ll create a new one when y’all learn to communicate like fucking adults.

*the administrator deleted this group*

“This is so humiliating.”, you whisper. “Y/N, don’t you trust me?”, says Lin wearily. “It’s not about that, Lin”, you reply. “Of course it is, you either trust that I won’t cheat on you, or you don’t!”, he says, frustration all over his face. “This isn’t about you! It’s about how it makes ME feel! To know that women are just gonna kiss you like that, and that that means I’m relying on you to be sober enough and happy enough to rebuff them. That’s a fucking lot.”, you say as you sit down, still not looking at him.

“Y/N, I didn’t cheat on you-it’s not like I went home with her, like I slept with her”, he says. “I know you didn’t. But here’s what happened: some woman you barely know makes a pass at you and your first instinct is to kiss her back.”, you say. His face drops. “I’m not an idiot, Lin-you’re rich, famous and hot, I realise that people are going to come on to you. What I’m wrestling with is the possibility that I’m not enough, that what we have is not enough, to override that need for validation and stop you from…from kissing back, or worse.”.

“Y/N”, he begins. You interrupt. “I’m sorry, I need you to not be here right now.”, you say calmly. Lin looks up in surprise “Y/N, no!”. You shake your head firmly. “No, go home. I’ll come by in the morning. I need you to go.”. He stands up, looking utterly shell-shocked. “I’ll see you tomorrow”, you repeat as you close the door behind him.

You sit on your window seat and take a deep breath. You see him walking away from your building, phone to his ear, probably talking to Chris. You pick your own phone up and call Jasmine, who answers after just one ring.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea! I didn’t check the photo and..”. “Jazzy, it’s ok, I’m not mad at you”. You hear her sigh with relief. Then she asks “Did you talk to Lin?”. “Ugh, yeah I did. Says this woman came on to him, kisses him, he kisses back for a second then stops her, says he has a girlfriend.”, you sum up.

“Shit. Well, he stopped her, that’s the important thing”., Jas says. “Sure, but he kissed her. What if he’d had more to drink? Where’s the tipping point that makes him go home with her?”, you ask. “Come on, it was just a kiss-it’s not really cheating.”, Jas says. “It’s not that simple.”, you say. “Anyway, I gotta go.”. You reassure her that you’re ok and say goodnight. Then you drag yourself to bed and sleep fitfully until morning.

——————————————————

You’re up early, having barely slept anyway. You get the subway down to Lin’s apartment and ring his bell at just 8am. He buzzes you in immediately and is waiting with the door open when you emerge from the elevator. You give him a small smile and hug him on your way in.

You take a seat at the counter and he sits opposite you, hands clasping his coffee mug. “I didn’t exactly sleep”, he says, gesturing towards the coffee. “Me either.”, you say.

“Look, yesterday was a lot for me. I spent the morning having strangers on Twitter commenting how you can do better, I’m trying to understand how I’m supposed to deal with that kind of attention and then that kind of attention ends up kissing my damn boyfriend.”. Your tone is slightly joking and Lin smiles a little.

“I realise you didn’t intend to cheat on me. I know that most people wouldn’t consider kissing someone back when they came onto you cheating. I don’t, really. You didn’t cheat on me.” Lin nods but let’s you continue. “But. I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t hurt that your first thought wasn’t to push her off you. Maybe that’s naive or unrealistic of me, but that’s how I feel.”.

You sigh before you continue. “I guess what I’m saying is, I got a brutal insight into the shitty baggage that comes with Lin Miranda and it scared the crap out of me.”

Lin gives a small chuckle at your phrasing. “Ok The Twittery, attentiony stuff first. I’m not going to sit here and promise that everything is always going to be rosy for us. People know me, and that means unwanted attention for both of us. Is it easy? No. But there’s not a great deal I can do about it except compartmentalise where I can-try to keep you protected from as much of that as possible.”.

He waits a beat, then says “Last night. I might not have cheated, but I overstepped a mark. I should’ve shut that shit down immediately. I’ve been trying to remember, did I flirt with her? Lead her on? I don’t think I did but what you said yesterday about my boundaries being fucked up was painfully true. I do want everyone to like me and it does land me in trouble sometimes.”

You nod. “I know that you’re gonna be wondering if I kissed her back because I’m secretly unhappy”, he says. That hits you like a ton of bricks. He has you all figured out. “I promise you that if I’m not happy in our relationship then I’ll tell you, you’re not going to find that out by discovering me cheating on you.”. You go to say something but he cuts you off. “I know, I know that’s exactly what happened to you before, but I’m not like that, and you do know that. I see how scared it makes you, but I think you know I wouldn’t.”, he says.

“I think I do know that. But all this attention, and the shit that goes with it…I don’t know how well I’m going to handle that.”, you admit. “Me either, and I’m not gonna apologise for other people’s actions, present or future”, he says. “But I apologise for last night, and I promise you it’ll never happen again.”.

“Ok.”, you say. “Ok? We’re good?”, he asks, voice tinged with hope. You nod and say “I’m still gonna be a little pissed but I’ll get over it”, you shrug. Lin’s composure finally breaks as he exclaims “Thank god!” and rushes to your side of the counter, wrapping you in a hug. He pulls back and kisses you firmly and briefly. “I’m not sure I deserve you”, he says. “Eh, I’m not sure you do either”, you joke as you go to kiss him. “I love you”, you say.

Lin’s face is pure relief. He sighs. “I love you too. You’re the only person I want to see naked”, he says with a grin, trying to make you laugh. It works. He takes you hand and tugs at it. “What, right now?”, you laugh. “Uhh can you think of a better time for me to demonstrate that I’m interested in only you?” he jokes. “Lin, I don’t need you to demonstrate anything…”, you protest even as you fall into his arms. He kisses you and says against you lips “I know that, I just really badly need to fuck you right now, is that ok?”. You answer by leading him towards the bedroom.

You strip off your clothes and fall back onto the bed holding out your hand for him to come to you. He sheds his clothes and climbs onto the bed to hover over you, settling between your raised legs. His pelvis is against yours, skin on skin. He’s already hard, and every movement rubs against you in all the right places. His head dips to yours and he spends the longest time just kissing you, slow and soft turning to fast and desperate as your bodies grind against one another.

For a second he stills his hips, pulls his head back to look at you, really look at you. He gently pushes your hair away from your face and smiles as he runs his thumb over your cheek bone. Then his hand is in between your bodies and he’s pressing straight into you. There’s no foreplay, save the kissing, so desperate is the pull to be joined together again. You give a moan as his full length is inside you but any further sounds get muffled by kisses.

There’s barely an inch of your body which isn’t pressed into his, your breasts against his chest, arms linked around his neck as he moves in you. He never stops kissing you, and you’re glad of it-you need so badly to really feel him, to feel the lust and love between you. He’s been keeping a steady rhythm, just barely withdrawing on each thrust, filling you exquisitely. You cross your legs behind his back, hardly a sliver of light between your bodies now. He responds with an increase in pace, which sends him over the edge. He moans into your kiss as he cums, hips stuttering against yours, ecstasy all through his voice. He collapses on top of you as he recovers, laying a kiss or two against your neck.

After a minute he rolls off you, then recaptures your lips. His hand at the side of your face holds you in place. Your tongue is on his and you lay a hand across his belly, feeling the muscle underneath.

Pulling away from him, you settle into the crook of his arm. “Love you”, you state simply. “Te amo”, he says as he wraps both arms around you and holds you tight.

#lmm x reader #lin x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin manuel x reader #rpf #hamilton rpf #reader insert

[newscheckz]

Are you a parent? READ THIS AND LEARN THE REALITY

New Post has been published on https://newscheckz.com/parent-read-learn-reality/

Are you a parent? READ THIS AND LEARN THE REALITY

Little did Mrs. Joseph know that the CCTV installed in their house, which almost caused a rift between her and her husband would be the saving grace to unravel the mystery behind a very unfortunate incident that would change the atmosphere in her home permanently.

Mrs. Joseph came back from work a few days before the ugly incident and met some guys from the technical department of their church working on certain installations.

When she enquired about what was going on her husband, Pastor Kim Joseph told her that he brought those brothers from their church to come and help install a CCTV camera in their home.

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This response did not go down well with Mrs. Joseph who felt that her dear husband should have discussed with her before going into such project for the home.

Agreed, they had talked over it some months back and even brought in some experts to survey the house and get some other technical details, but they later agreed that the project should be suspended till their son Dave, returned from NYSC.

However, Pastor Joseph explained to her that while he was praying in the house that morning after she had gone to work it was strongly impressed on his heart to get that work done without further delay.

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He is a full time pastor with one of the Pentecostal churches in Lagos, South-West, Nigeria while his wife, Dupe Joseph was a manager in one of the commercial banks in the same city.

The wife still could not understand the sense of urgency in the whole thing or why he could not wait till at least the next day so they could talk about it once again. Anyway, that’s that for the issue of CCTV installation in their home.

Mrs. Joseph was still nursing the wound from her husband’s rash decision before tragedy struck in their home.

Three days later, while at work, at about 1 pm Mrs. Joseph got a call from her husband to come home immediately.

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The tone of his voice did not give her any room to question him further. Even before she could open her mouth to ask any question he had hung up.

She quickly put necessary things in order in the office, called her driver and headed home not knowing what to expect. As she approached her home, she started having this kind of heavy heartedness, an indication that something was wrong somewhere.

When she got to their estate gate, the forlorn look on the faces of the security men who opened the gate for her car did not pass her unnoticed. Her house was just a few blocks away from the gate.

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He arrived at her house in time just to see the police and some paramedics from the estate medical centre putting a body into an ambulance. At that instant, her whole world came to a standstill.

She could not immediately make out what was happening or whose body it was. Before her eyes could span round the pockets of people gathered in the compound some women surrounded her and held her while leading her into the house.

On getting into the living room she met her husband sitting on the floor wearing a pair of trousers and no shirt.

That was probably the first time any of the people in that room had seen him that way. Pastor Joseph’s family was one decent and lovely family, which many residents of that estate admired so much.

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They are the kind of neighbours any person would like to have. Their two children are so homely and well-mannered that other parents use them to give example to their own children. Mrs. Joseph could still not fathom what was happening in her home.

Pastor Joseph had just rounded off their Wednesday Hour of Grace prayer meeting in the church when his phone rang at about 11.30am.

It was their nanny that called and tearfully said, “Oga I beg come home ooo! I no know wetin happen to Bisi ooo! (Sir please come home. I don’t know what happened to Bisi). She cut the line before he could say anything further, but not until the pastor heard some yelling and commotion at the background.

He quickly jumped into his car with deacon Udoh and Sister Margaret who were with him when the call came in.

Without wasting time with further details let me tell you what happened. The nanny said that she came back from the market and met the front door open, which is very unusual. She entered into the house, went straight to the living room and saw the only daughter of the Josephs, Bisola stone dead on the sofa.

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She ran outside the compound in fear and alerted the neighbours and the security men at the estate gate. That is the summary of what happened there.

Let us leave other events that happened in-between and address this sad incident: What do you think happened to Bisola? Who is the first suspect in this case assuming you are assigned to investigate this incident?

Your guess is as good as mine. But let us see more facts as they unveil…

In the midst of the uproar and confusion, one of the police officers who came there asked them if there was anything like CCTV in their house.

And Pastor Joseph answered in the affirmative. He then led the team to make the most painful discovery of their lives so far.

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From the CCTV recordings, they saw that a male figure came into the house at about 10.15 am and Bisola opened the door to him.

He came in and sat a while talking with the girl before other ugly things followed. From the moment he came in he went straight and sat near the girl on the 3-seater sofa she was reclining on reading a novel.

Bisola was relaxed and smiling heartily with him all the while. Suddenly the scene changed. He pinned her down on the floor and raped her. He was raping her and using the pillow to snuff the life out of her at the same time.

When he was done the first round he got up and moved round the house in search of God-knows-what.

After walking round he came back to the motionless body of the girl and raped her again then picked her and dropped her on the seat. He went further to bring out a small bottle from his pocket, opened it and tried to force some of the content into her mouth.

When it was obvious the liquid was not going down, he went into the kitchen and poured the content into the kitchen sink, came back and placed the empty bottle near the sofa where the girl lay; he made sure he opened it and dropped the cover on the floor. When he was done he quietly opened the door and left.

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Don’t cry yet because more horrifying revelations are coming. Let’s check this place tomorrow to know what happened next.

From the CCTV footage, it was not difficult for the pastor to pick who the killer was. Even the nanny was called in by the police and she immediately identified the monster. In other words, he was well known to the family.

Mrs. Joseph was too shattered to be made to watch any video, but I guess she too would have been able to recognize the assailant.

The policemen encouraged the pastor to put himself together and put a call across to the killer and invite him to come and help him to do something in the church.

He obliged and mustered courage and made a call to the guy at the other end. He was asked to put the call on speaker so that others could follow in the conversation.

The pastor sounded as calm as ever while the voice at the other end was enthusiastic to hear from him. And the brief discussion went thus:

Pastor Joseph: Hello my boy, how are you doing today?

Voice: I am fine sir. What of mummy and other members of the family?

Pastor: They are good; we bless God. Voice: Ok sir.

Pastor: I don’t know, ehnn, are you so busy this afternoon? Voice: Not really sir. Is there something you want me to do for you? Pastor: Good to hear that. Can you come over to the church now to help me type some mails?

Voice: Yes, sir. I will be there very soon.

Pastor: Oh, that’s my boy. I am expecting you dear. Line cuts.

The pastor entered his car while one of the police officers drove and they went to the church. On getting there the pastor went into his office with one of the police men while the rest waited in the car.

In a space of about 10 minutes a young man walked into the premises and went straight to the pastor’s office. You should know what happened there and then.

By now another police vehicle had joined them in the church. They drove back to Milimuck Estate where the Josephs live.

Back to the house, the CCTV footage was played for the young man the police came back with to watch. He was instructed not say a word but to watch quietly till the end, which he did.

At the end of the footage, the senior police officer announced, “young man whatever you say or do here may be used against you in the law court. Shall we proceed to the station please?”

Meanwhile, before they got back to the house Mrs. Joseph had been rushed to the hospital. The whole incident was too much for her to contain. Her elder sister, Dr. (Mrs.) Davies did not want to take chances knowing fully well that Mrs. Joseph was a known hypertension, as well as ulcer patient.

So, Dr. Davies arranged for her to be moved to her private clinic for close monitoring and observation, at least for that night.

I guess you may be asking within your mind, “who is that young man?” Don’t worry we shall soon find out. But before then let me tell you a little more about the Josephs family.

Pastor and Mrs. Joseph had two children, 20 year old David who is currently doing his NYSC in Rivers state, Nigeria and his 12 year old Bisola who was in JSS 3, in one of the private secondary schools in Lagos state before her gruesome murder.

As I said earlier, the Josephs family is a very godly and friendly family. Their 2 children are just good and also very intelligent. You hardly see them outside unless they are going to the church with their parents.

And they don’t even have many friends. They have few selected friends, mostly from their church and a few others from their estate.

Dave has a friend who is a member of their church music group. Both of them went to the same school from their primary to secondary school. But they separated when they were about to enter the university.

Dave did a 4-year course in the university while his friend went in for engineering, which was a 5-year program. Hence, Dave graduated before his friend and went to serve.

Meanwhile, when Dave came home after his orientation camp he discovered that his friend had been at home for some weeks.

When he asked him what he was doing at home he told him that there was a practical course he was sent to do in one of the firms in Lagos before coming back to finish his final year. And Dave believed him.

Dave and his friend were always together during the holidays. That was about the only friend he was allowed to visit from time to time. Both families became good friends because of the two boys.

This guy was like a second son to the Josephs. When Pastor Joseph traveled to the UK for a program he made sure that he bought the same kind of wears for his son and the friend.

Everybody in Pastor Joseph’s home loved this boy and even treated him as one of them. If he came to the house and wanted to eat, even if the family had finished eating the nanny would be asked to get him something to eat.

On several occasions he had spent not just a night but nights and days with the Josephs. To say that they were close may be an understatement but let us just leave it there.

It was barely 5 days after Dave went back to his place of service that his only sister, Bisola was gruesomely murdered. Bisola was at home that fateful day because their school was on mid-term break.

Her mum went to work while her dad went for a program in the church. The nanny had gone to Mile 12 market to buy some food items that morning.

I guess you are beginning to pick the pieces together as to unravel who killed Bisola. But before we finally name the dog, I want to ask you some questions.

· What do you know about your child’s best friend?

· Do you know that even the most trusted friend can be used by the devil to give your family a deadly blow?

· Are you sure the people you call your family friends share the same values with your own family? Are you sure they teach their own children same things you teach yours?

What of their religious beliefs and practices, because I have come to understand that some families believe one thing and practice another?

· When you are talking to your children and educating them on the issues of life, do you make it a point of duty to include their friends in the teachings?

· When was the last time you checked the call log and chats/messages on your child’s phone?

· Have you ever thought of organizing an in-house training/discussion on basic life issues like sexuality, friendship, academic excellence, and the likes for your children and their friends?

Even if you cannot handle it by yourself you can get some people who are good in such areas to help you.

· Do you agree with me that your own children are not safe until every other child out there is safe?

· Do you, from time to time, find out the state of the relationship between your children and their close friends?

· Apart from your children, who are the other friends kept by their close friends? This is because the friend of our friend is also our friend.

· Do you know that the fact that you are a child of God does not make your family totally immune to some of the pains other families are passing through?

· Do you know that you may be sincerely wrong to trust some unproven friends?

· Is there any reason under heaven why you should allow your daughter to be very close and relaxed with a young man without any measure of fear or suspicion?

· Are you aware that sexual hormones do not know who is a sibling or a friend?

· Do you know that at times boys can use their association with your son to get at your girls and vice versa?

· Am I wrong to say that none of my children should entertain their friends inside their room? Every friend must stay and be entertained in the living room, irrespective of who they are.

· Am I also wrong to say that I do not allow their friends to sleep-over in my home unless I am fully persuaded about who I am relating with, down to knowing the family and their value system?

· Who are your own friends?

· What is the testimony of people in your area about your family?

Please forgive me for throwing this number of questions to you at the same time. By the way, I still have many questions to ask but I just remembered that we are still looking for Bisola’s murderer.

At the police station, the police quizzed the young man they picked from Pastor Joseph’s house.

Officer: What is your name? Young man: (in a muffled voice) Edward Officer: Edward who? Young man: Edward Megida. Officer: Edward, did you recognize the man in the CCTV footage you watched before we left Pastor Joseph’s house? Edward: Ye-ye-yes sir. Officer: Who was that? Edward (stammering the more) I – I – I am the one. But sir it was the devil’s work (crying now).

Officer: (mockingly) you wrote an application letter to the devil and he employed you without pay but we are going to pay you here.

This will be a good lesson other devil’s employees like you. Now tell me, why did you kill that innocent girl?

Edward: Sir I I, it was the devil. Another officer: (kicking him from behind) come on speak out before I destroy you now! criminal like you!

Officer: My guy stop this your crocodile tears and just tell us everything you know about the death of that girl. And you better talk now before our oga comes here ooo! If you cooperate with us we may even do something for you before or when he comes. Edward: Sir I didn’t want to kill her but I was afraid that she might tell her family what I did to her. Officer: What did you do to her? Edward: I I raped her. Officer: (sounding amused) are you sure we will not collect that your dick from you so that it will not land you into trouble again? By the way, how did you gain entrance into the house? Was the door not locked? Edward: Bisola opened the door for me but the gate was open when I came. Officer: Why did she open the door for you? What did you use to threaten her? Edward: I did not threaten her at all. She just opened the door for me? Officer: Why?

Edward still has a lot of revelations and confessions to make, he may even have some accomplice(s) within or outside the Josephs family. Let’s cap it up tomorrow with those revelations. I am still your friend.

Edward: She knows me very well and I have been going to their house.

Officer: What do you normally go there to do?

Edward: Her elder brother, David is my best friend?

Another officer: (hit him on the head) you are a very wicked boy! You raped and killed the only sister of your best friend. You are not supposed to be alive by now.

Officer: Why did you do that, a fine young man like you? Did you want her to be your girl friend and she refused?

Edward: Sir I don’t know what came over me.

Officer: When was the last time you went to their house?

Edward: About six days ago, just before David went back to Rivers State where he is serving.

Officer: What happened that day, which warranted your going back to kill that girl?

Edward: Sir nothing unusual happened. All of us were just gisting and playing games in David’s room as we used to do before.

Officer: Who were the other people?

Edward: I mean three of us – David, Bisola and I.

Officer: So what happened?

Edward: Nothing sir. It is just that I became attracted to her. That day she was wearing one black bum shots like that, which was quite revealing of her very fair skin on her laps.

And as we were playing she bent over my body to collect her phone from David and her chest rested on my own. At that moment I didn’t know what happened to me again and I started imagining some weird things.

Officer: So?

Edward: I quickly got up and told them that I was going and I left. Officer: And?

Edward: When I got home I could not get her off my mind and I desired to have her by all means.

Officer: Continue.

Edward: That was just that. When my parents went to work in the morning I told my siblings that I wanted to pick some things from the mall and left the house. I went to their house straight.

Officer: How did you know she was alone in the house by that time?

Edward: I called her and told her that I just wanted to know how she was doing and if she was missing

Dave. It was then she told me that she was alone and would not mind if I paid her a visit.

Officer: So you accepted the invitation and went and killed her?

Edward: I didn’t mean to. I only wanted to have fun with her. But she just died when I was still on that.

Officer: (getting angry with him for the first time or so it appears) will you shut up your mouth you lying beast! She died while you were making love to her meanwhile the footage showed you suffocating her with a pillow.

You even came around to have a second round with her lifeless body. And that reminds me, what was that liquid you tried to force down her throat?

Edward: (obviously terrified) sir…sir, it…it was Sniper. But I just took a small quantity from the one in our house.

Officer: You said you did not want to kill her, why then did you go there with Sniper?

Edward: I…I…I don’t..

A slap from the other officer behind him could not let him complete the statement on his lips.

Officer: Now tell me, how many other girls have you done this to because you seem to be a master in the art?

Edward: Sir, this is just the first time I wa…

Another slap and a shove from the other officer brought him down to the floor with a heavy thud. This made him to cry out in pain. He was however mercilessly forced to stand on his feet again.

Officer: I am giving you the last chance before something sinister happens to you. Tell me how long you have been in this business and who your accomplices are. By the way, why are you not in school since they said you are a final year student of Victory Crest University?

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Edward: (shaking like a leaf with blood dripping from one of his nostrils) Sir, I was sent out of school about 2 months ago because I got involved in a cult activity. But my parents are still trying to see if they can work their way into getting me back to the school.

That is why no one knows about it yet. It was other members of the cult I joined in the school that introduced me into gang-raping of girls. They also taught me that the best way to avoid being caught is to eliminate the victim after using her.

I don’t know the number of girls I have raped from my second year in the university when I joined the cult but this is the second one to die in my hands.

Officer: Who and where was the first victim?

Edward: She was a girl in my department in the school and it happened during one of our gang activities in the school.

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We raided the girls’ hostel and her room happened to be one of the rooms assigned to me to raid. We were meant to raid the girls’ rooms and collect their hand sets and other valuables.

But when I got to their room her room mates were not there so I decided to rape her. While raping her she called out my name so I decided to kill her to cover my tracks.

Officer: Mhnn, oh boy you have gone far ooo. Listen to your language; you decided to kill her TO COVER YOUR TRACKS. How did you do that? Well, I don’t think that is necessary now. Are your parents aware of all these?

Edward: They got to know when they were invited to the school because of the last incident that involved the daughter of the deans of students’ affairs.

Officer: How old are you?

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Edward: I will be 20 years in December.

At this juncture those who went to the clinic to bring Mrs. Joseph and their nanny for some interrogations came in with them.

Of course they had told her to console herself with the fact that her daughter’s murderer has been caught and was already in police custody.

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Hence, Mrs. Joseph entered the interrogation room with the utmost curiosity to know who she offended so much that decided to take smiles from her face for the rest of her life.

And to think of it, that fateful day the T-shirt Edward was wearing was the same one Mrs. Joseph bought for him and his son, David when she took them to the trade fair complex about a year ago. She was not prepared for what she saw when she entered into the police interrogation office.

On seeing Edward in that dimly lit police interrogation room, every atom of strength that remained in Mrs. Joseph left her. Just before she collapsed on the floor, she managed to say in a trembling voice, “EDWARD, ARE YOU THE ONE?”

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These are the facts we have been able to pick from the story:

· Edward, David Jospeh’s best friend killed Bisola, the only sister David had. · Edward killed Bisola right inside her parents’ house, where he had always spent good times with the family before that fateful date. · Bisola trusted Edward so much and as such did not hesitate to throw their door wide open for him despite the fact that she was alone in the house. Another proof that 90% of pedophiles and other child sexual molesters are people known to the child. · Neither David nor his family knew that his best friend was a cultist and serial rapist.

ALSO READ: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR JOB · They also did not know that he was already rusticated from the campus and could not conclude his final year. · Edward was filled with lustful desires to waste Bisola from the day she unconsciously exposed her thighs and chest in a very unbecoming manner before him.

Another reason why we should ensure that our daughters dress decently even at home, especially when there are male visitors in the house.

That is the end of the story for now. But watch out for another series. Draw your own conclusions as a parent and as a family. I am still your friend.

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