Tumgik
#it’s past my bedtime but tonight has been wild so that’s ok
toomuchdickfort · 3 years
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*sends u a hug but through vibes* *and also like. That thing where you’re holding hands and I squeeze ur hand a lil just Bc we’re hanging out* *sends that through vibes too*
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gisachi · 3 years
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Hi ^^ I know that your requests are now closed but I was thinking that, given you have written jealous Shinichi, I would very much enjoy some jealous Ran! Maybe you can mix it with one of the prompts? Just throwing the idea out there, no pressure. Delete this if you don't feel like it, it's okay really. Thank you for writing these amazing fics, the shinran fandom is in your debt. ❤️
So this is the last (!!!) and longest (!!!) of the kiss prompts, and I dedicate it to multiple-requests Anon and to this Anon. I hope both of you still see this. It took me a while. ^^;;
P.S. Special thanks to @artycreaty for keeping this in check. You are awesome. 🥰
41. Kisses shared under an umbrella. 46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart. (6,489 words)
.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.
She has hundreds of reasons not to. They’re merely childhood best friends. Life would be much easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven. Shinichi absolutely doesn’t look at her that way. And so forth.
She wonders why they’re even friends in the first place. If their parents hadn’t enrolled them in the same kindergarten, she was certain they wouldn’t even be on speaking terms. He lives in a world of grisly books and crimes, she in a world of martial and visual arts. Their hobbies don’t overlap. They excel in different fields. They enter the same university with completely unrelated majors. The only bond they have in common is their shared history. Literally bonded since they were four, until now at nineteen.
So when she sees him all jolly around his newfound circle who hold the same interest in Holmes or detective work, it shouldn’t surprise her as much. It’s part of university life, it’s normal, they expand their horizons, and Ran understands that it hits much differently when they bond with people who like the same stuff they do. Something she’s aware they cannot share a hundred percent.
She’s proud of him, and she absolutely has no right to feel jealous, especially when she sees him around taller, prettier, more interesting women from his course block. There is no reason for her to look away with a heavy weight in her chest everytime the women get giggly and touchy while he’s absorbed in narrating his stories.
Everytime she does, she reminds herself of how he didn’t seem to mind when she was casted as the protagonist of their high school play and the leading man was the handsome Araide-sensei. Or how he simply shrugged when she fawned over the brother of a classmate because he looked so much like the karate senpai she was crushing on. Or when she secretly caught Sonoko dragging the detective behind gym after P.E. to confront him about his opinion regarding an upperclassman courting Ran and his only response was, ‘She can like whoever she likes, Sonoko. I’m not her boyfriend.’
He never showed her any sign of jealousy, therefore he must not be into her. Simple as that. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him differently. Getting snarky just because he received sixteen new fan mails again, more now that they’re in uni, and two even coming from the popular criminology seniors he is often teased to? Or ignoring him unprecedentedly just because his eyes followed the back of a woman with long chestnut hair and voluptuous curves? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s bound to be attracted to someone else. This is a pill she ought to learn to swallow eventually.
Eventually.
“Shinichi-kun, you never told us about your scariest case yet, tell us about it?”
Kaori closes her notes and so do the other two girls across her, and Shinichi’s eyes twinkle. He truly seems to enjoy study sessions with the little group they made consisting of some of his and Ran’s coursemates because they love listening to his stories.
“At the top of my head is this murderer disguised as a bandaged man, and he targeted us one by one…” and so the detective drones. Ran pauses typing and reminisces quietly. Ah, that one from summer three years ago. I was almost injured by that crazy man during my sleep but Shinichi woke me up in time.
“Ran-san,” Shun, her friend and coursemate, mutters beside her, also stopping his typing to listen to the detective’s story. “It’s ridiculous how popular Kudou-kun is with the girls. He’s full of wild adventures.”
“Yes, he is,” Ran says, smiling. “He’s been a girl magnet ever since high school.”
She watches as Kaori inches closer to Shinichi, listening attentively, chin on her palm and flirtatious smile on her lips as the detective rants on and on.
For the third time that afternoon, Ran looks away.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.
She does, everyday, but it’s hard when he smiles at her, cares for her, holds her in a way she’s never seen him do for anyone else. It gives her hope every time the girls cling to him but he never touches them back, whereas he automatically slings his arm over her shoulder because she’s afraid or cold or he simply feels like it.
Then again, maybe she’s giving herself too much credit. Perhaps it’s a free pass for being around him for too long. She even gets to spend time with him during weekends and holidays. It isn’t special because it’s normal.
And that’s all she’ll ever be, a normal girl in his eyes.
“Ran? She’s pretty special.”
Ran reacts to the mention of her name and catches Shinichi looking at her. “She appears quiet but she can kick anyone’s ass without breaking a sweat. It’s bad if you cross her,” Shinichi gloats with a grin.
“Oh my god, really? We can bring her with us then!” Kaori claps her hands in excitement.
“Ah... But she won’t like that,” he follows up, wary. Ran has missed the topic they were talking about and now she’s curious.
“But ghosts aren’t real and Mouri-san can give them a good beating!”
“Gh-Ghosts?” The color in her cheeks drains, eyes freezing at Shinichi who has probably already expected that reaction, for he sports that same look of concern as those times he had expressed whenever she joined him in his way-past-bedtime elementary school adventures.
“We’ll investigate an abandoned house I always pass by walking home,” Kaori explains. “Last night I saw a faint cigarette light at the second floor window. It might be a fugitive or a homeless person or a ghost, who knows?”
“You don’t need to come if you don’t want to, Ran,” Shinichi assures.
Gulping, Ran contemplates whether going with them will do her any good. It’s a nice change, it’s been a while since she last tagged with Shinichi in his cases. But she isn’t exactly proud of shrieking like a little kid in front of serious criminology majors who may feel like she’ll drag their covert investigation down if she joins.
“...I’ll pass,” she answers meekly, and his coursemates sulk except Shinichi, who offers her a smile of understanding.
“Man, I thought we’ll be able to see Mouri-san in action!”
“That’s ok, maybe next time. We still have Shinichi-kun!”
“Shinichi-kun will protect us, ne?”
“Hah. Right. Invite Hakuba too, use him.”
“Oh c’mooon, Shinichi-kun!”
Ran closes her eyes, struggling to zone their voices out.
In her silence, Ran ponders if she has made a wrong choice.
.
.
Ran has no right to be jealous. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him this way.
The following weekend, Shinichi narrates what happened in their late-night investigation. Hakuba wasn’t there so Shinichi was the only available guy as usual. Ran refuses to hear any more details, both of the haunted house and secretly of the girls chancing onto him during the investigation. Shinichi is puzzled.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Nah, just swamped with work.”
“On a Sunday?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to assist?”
“No.”
Her replies are curt from the couch of his house, not looking at Shinichi on the other end as she mindlessly cleans up her digital sketches. She hates how snappy she sounds but her brain is too absorbed with conjuring spiteful imaginations to even think of masking her annoyance.
“Ran, hey. Look at me.”
His low voice freezes her from drawing, and she slowly looks up to meet Shinichi’s serious eyes.
When this happens, she knows he’s reading her. She inwardly chants a prayer because now isn’t a good time. Whatever time isn’t a good time. She doesn’t know what to say when she’s aware everything she’s been feeling is irrational and unfair. She’s being selfish.
“You’re… stressed.”
“No, I’m… Eh?”
He scoots closer, an arm’s length away. “Your dark circles are more prominent now, you need a break.” His eyes turn a soft blue. “Let’s have dinner out? My treat.”
Ran is surprised, to say the least. The last time he invited her out was two weeks ago. She’s become so used to seeing him around others that any initiative from him sounds too good to be true.
“But I need to finish this project by tonight.”
“Let’s have food delivery then!” Shinichi announces, not rattled by Ran’s indirect refusal. “I know exactly what you want. Ramen and shaved ice.”
Her eyes thin at the absurdly goofy expression she knows he makes when he’s being mischievous. “Clearly you’re ordering that ramen for yourself. I only like shaved ice.”
“Damn! Miss Detective gets it.” A mile-wide grin stretches across his face, earning an eye roll from the half-smiling woman. “Let’s eat together on your short break, please?”
He leans within a respectful distance and she sees his smile better, pair of kind eyes locking with her overworked ones. “It’s been a while.”
Her heart throbs for him. So much.
She caves - of course she does - and breathes her acquiescence.
After two long weeks, they have dinner together, just them and Shinichi’s ramen and Ran’s donburi and shaved ice, Shinichi taking a spoonful of dessert from the cup when she isn’t looking and Ran snatching a slurp from his take-out bowl and laughing when he catches her.
With how heartfelt his laughter is in her presence devoid of any mysteries, Ran knows she’s probably giving herself too much credit, but for once she wants to believe she is the cause of why Shinichi’s happy.
Just for that night, she gives it to herself.
She’ll change the dark colors of her digital artwork to brighter ones after they eat.
.
.
Despite everything, Ran finds it difficult to contain her recurring jealousy.
The more she shares precious time with him, the more it gets harder to suppress the selfish emotions. What is so unsatisfying about being the best friend is that she is only the best friend. No more no less. At the end of the day, she isn’t the one he gets to cuddle with, to tease then kiss, to tell ‘I love you’ to, romantically.
“I love you.”
Ran feels her heart about to leap out of her chest.
“But please. Stop. Tearing. The. Cushions!”
The little furball he has scooped underneath a throw pillow wiggle from his grasp. The kitten and detective engage in a brief staring showdown before it jumps away to hide under a farther couch.
Snapping out of reverie, Ran watches her childhood friend slink dejectedly onto the partly scratched furniture. He’s fortunate enough that his mother isn’t around to give him a long lecture on Why Pets Aren’t Allowed in the House 101. She can always take Yukiko-san’s role and reprimand him for it, but as for this and the cat, she finds herself not wanting to intervene.
“Kaori-san sure is taking her time with her parent’s permission. By the time she does, Momo would’ve shredded all the pillows in this house.”
“You named the cat?” Ran asks, amused.
“She did.” He thinks for a moment, then sniggers. “Actually I did. I suggested a random name. She took it.”
Ran merely hums. What can she say? They’re getting close. Close enough to team up as parents to an adopted kitten.
“I’m surprised you also agreed to keep Momo when you never took in animals before.”
“Kaori said she’ll treat me to the latest Detective Samonji movie this weekend if I do. Can’t resist that.”
“Just you two?”
“Yeah.”
A beat. Then he turns to her.
“Wanna join? I can ask her to count you in since you’re kinda helpi—”
“N-no need,” Ran quips, “It’s—It’s fine.”
“No really,” Shinichi insists, “Kaori-san has a lot of money, she—”
“I’m going to Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum with Shun-san this weekend... so... I can’t.”
“Ah.”
Silence.
“It’s, um, for a project,” she bolsters.
“I know.” The faintest smile graces his lips. “It’s your thing. Both of you.”
“Mm.”
He doesn’t say anything else after that.
“Shinichi, you’re a detective, right?” she blurts out of the blue.
“Yeah...and?”
Then deduce what I feel. Here and now.
“Then you’re going to enjoy that movie!” Ran forces a beam, giving Shinichi a thumb of approval. “And you can discuss it with Kaori-san over dinner. I’m sure you two have a lot to say about it.”
Shinichi’s eyes linger on her, reading her like a book, and Ran has her mind reeling again, afraid to be read.
“Yeah, we do,” he finally says, ending the conversation.
Only a few words are uttered the rest of the afternoon.
Momo resurfaces and curls beside Shinichi.
Momo’s purring is loud, but Ran’s shattering heart is louder.
.
.
Ran must not feel jealous. She is not a girlfriend.
Because she isn’t a girlfriend, he’s free to fall for and date anyone else. Who is she to gatekeep him? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s one big catch. Ran believes she’s a big catch, too. With the way she loves dearly, her future boyfriend is going to be very lucky.
Her future boyfriend is not going to be him.
“...mber the required fieldwork in one of my majors I told you? We actually go by batches. The first batch did theirs last month. The second batch was last week… and I— Ran, are you listening?”
“Ah! Yes,” Ran notices they have already reached her station and are now walking two blocks to her apartment. “Your fieldwork, right?”
“...Yeah,” he carries on. “I’m in the last batch... This whole winter break.”
“I see, I understand.” She smiles, getting what he means. No Christmas or New Year’s Eve together. The first time since they’re four. It’s fine, honestly. If it’s a required activity, then there’s really no way to go about it. She isn’t going to lash out just because she can’t be with him in her most favorite time of the year.
“And Hattori-kun and Hakuba-kun will be with you?”
“Hattori did his last month. Hakuba is in the previous batch. I’ll be stuck with the girls.”
Ran’s heart momentarily squeezes. “Where will your fieldwork be?”
“In Akita.”
Her pupils constrict. “That far?”
“Yes... so to cut on expenses, Kaori-san offered her house for me and the others to stay while we’re there—”
Kaori. Again with the tall, beautiful, intelligent Kaori. She bets it’s amazing to spend the holidays doing what he loves and with Kaori beside her, snuggling with him by the fireplace in a romantic snowy night and she might even confess, and it’ll be a great catch for Shinichi, and he’ll return with a girlfriend, and—
“Kaori-san is lucky.” The words flow out of her mouth, unbridled.
Shinichi looks at her. “Lucky?”
Ran remains quiet and keeps walking. It’s dangerous to say anything. She only has one thing in her mind and she doesn’t want to say it out loud. She has no right.
“Ran, hey.”
She doesn’t stop walking.
“Ran.”
She ignores his call.
“Ran… you’re jealous.”
She stops walking.
“Excuse me?”
“...You’re jealous…” Shinichi repeats quietly.
A contrast to his calm tone, his irises beset hers in the cold twilight and Ran attempts to shield herself but her bag and umbrella are in the way. She thinks of turning away but her feet are frigid like icicles, and Shinichi steps closer.
For the third time, he declares, “You’re jealous.”
Hearing her thoughts echo through his words renders her speechless.
It seems to take a moment before Shinichi’s brow arches, lips curl up as his eyes refuse to stray, and she hears a faint exhale even, like he’s exasperated, and suddenly he’s smiling - or is he smirking? sneering? - and...and...
It stings, is her immediate reaction.
For the longest time, she’d wanted him to take a hint. But if she had known this was how he’d react, she’d rather live a life having him oblivious of her emotional struggle. Dealing with that is more tolerable than witnessing him gaze her down in blatant mockery. He sneers as though he’s about to crack a joke and move on and forget such a laughable matter. That’s the last form of acknowledgment she wants for her honest feelings.
Heartbreak and shame and pain build up in her chest like a volcano closing eruption. Water begins to cloud her vision. She clenches her fist tight on her umbrella and Shinichi notices, and he takes another step forward.
“Ran…?”
“I am not, and you’re a fool.”
In a span of a breath, she’s sprinting in the opposite direction, tracing the path where they have walked, ignoring the distant yells of her name behind her. She runs and runs, and as she runs farther, with her thoughts muddy and breath short and dry, she wonders if she may have overreacted.
If he’s done that on purpose, screw him. If not, screw her.
After all, they are merely friends and she has no logical reason to act this way.
“Stop... running... will you!”
She hears heavy footsteps close in. It takes all the energy Ran has to prevent herself from turning her body around but his strong grip overpowers her.
“Let me go!”
“Why are you running?!”
“I can’t...deal with you!”
“Why? Was I right?”
“Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter!”
“Why doesn’t it matter?”
“Because I am your best friend!”
On another occasion, she would’ve successfully jilted away and run farther, but Ran is floored when he yanks her into a one-armed hug, so floored she drops her umbrella to the snowy ground.
“Stop saying that!” he hisses in her ear, frustration apparent.
“What are you— Let me go!”
He hugs her tighter.
“If you don’t let go in three seconds, I will screa—”
“I am happy!”
Ran stops struggling, eyes widening in shock.
Icy huffs tickle her neck as he half shouts, “I’m happy you feel that way!”
“You’re...You’re happy because I’m suffering?”
“What? No! I—”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? How?” The hurt in her tone is impeccable, prattling muffled against his chest as she spares him no moment to butt in. “You think I wanted to feel this? That I enjoy griping in helpless jealousy? And you’re rejoicing that I am? How full of yourself can you be?!”
“That’s not...You don’t underst—”
“I do understand! I understand that I am so incredibly stupid for catching this disgusting heap of emotions for an obnoxious, stuck-up deduction maniac that is my best friend and maybe it’s better after all that he never, ever sees me the way I see him!”
“Stop saying that, Ran!”
She thinks he has broken away, but he drags her back with an insistent tug, crashing his lips onto hers as she stumbles into his arms.
All willpower rippling through her disintegrates quickly like snow in high heat.
An impatient pop resonates as he separates, eyes slowly opening, breath thick and ragged.
“I know that is not how we explain things, but does that explain anything?”
She hears it. The madness. But more than madness, yearning bleeds through his voice so much that her frustration turns into physical pain. Blinded by an all-consuming ache, she tips her chin and presses her lips back against his, demanding for cure in the wrong place. Shinichi freezes, then relaxes. He moves his hand to her nape, four fingers in her hair, thumb treading her jaw.
They look like a scene in a movie.
Under his umbrella and hidden from view, they communicate through brushing lips and tilting heads. His mouth closing over hers with gentle force, her hands splaying across his chest, heavy with something that makes his heart pound under them.
She is so lost in the chase and his tender embrace that for a second she forgets she is kissing her best friend.
Best friend.
This doesn’t explain anything. It worsens it.
She pulls back, ending what she has so recklessly started. “N-no, I’m— No.”
She pushes him away, gathers the stuff she drops, and runs without looking back.
“Ran!”
He shouts her name. Twice.
On the third call, his footfalls die down. On the fourth, he stops running.
She doesn’t.
.
.
Thirty minutes before midnight, Ran stands outside his gate, boots buried half foot under the snow as she rings his intercom for the second time, thinking to herself how foolish she must be to cut communications with him for a week and then show up his doorstep looking miserable like a stood-up date.
It’s the start of winter break.
He’ll leave for Akita in ten hours.
She needs to give his Christmas present before his departure.
She’s crazy, pathetic, still frustrated, and hurtfully in love.
“Oi. You better have a good explanation for why you’re buzzing at goddamn midnig—”
“Shinichi.”
His surprised gasp is apparent even through the intercom. A rustle follows and with a croaky voice, he responds. “...Ran.”
Surely he isn’t expecting this. Not after the tantrum she threw days ago. He probably thinks she hates him more than ever. But what she truly feels is more overwhelming than all negative emotions combined, and may god grant her all the strength to address it all, tonight.
“May I come in?”
“The house is—The house is a mess I, um. I’m packing my stuff for...”
“I’ll help you.”
“...”
She’ll understand if he decides to turn her down. But the answer that follows the deafening pause is a low and quiet ‘Okay’.
Despite psyching herself hours before she came, courage wanes when he opens the front door and gate in his pullovers. She is welcomed in, and the trip up his room is wordless. Shinichi only talks when he points out that he’s already packed clothes for two days and will need help for two weeks’ worth. He lamely laughs when he instructs her to pick the tops and layers, and he’ll take care of the pants and underwear.
On a normal instance, she would’ve humored him and they would’ve been talking right after. Now she simply pulls an empty smile and then they fall back into silence.
She supposes he’s trying to act unbothered, to treat what happened a week ago as a one-and-done glitch in their friendship, never to be discussed again. She cannot fault him when she’s trying to do the same. But it’s not easy when in the stillness of the night the echo of their altercation howls, raging persistently in their ears.
What has he been thinking of for the past week?
Has he been kept up all night by the words she said and the words he left unspoken?
Are they still friends? Will they still be friends after this?
The kiss... What about the kiss?
So many questions. So little words. So little time.
Ran is seated on the floor, folding shirts and stuffing them neatly in his duffel bag. Her back faces Shinichi who is sorting out bottoms in his cabinet. She senses him sit on the floor, back against her but not touching. Neither dares to speak first.
A ringing phone cuts the silence.
“Mm, still awake. Good for two weeks right? Gotcha. No, I’ll meet you girls at the station, no need to fetch me. Pfft. I can walk. Ok, see you tomorrow.”
If Ran wasn’t so hyperaware of where she is and what she’s done, her mood would’ve shifted to the one she’d been trying to avoid. Now isn’t the time to think about that. Midnight sneaking out to go to his house is something she wouldn’t do even on good days. She scans her bag on the far couch, deliberately bringing a bigger one to hide his gift. Maybe she can just sneak it in his bag and leave once she’s done and he’ll discover it only when he’s prefectures away. Brown has always suited him, and he’ll definitely find the overcoat useful as spare protective gear.
That’s right. She always cares for him like this. She is his best friend first, and... and nothing second.
“Don’t just leave after putting your present in my bag. At this hour, I can’t let you walk home alone,” he says swiftly.
Ran’s eyes fly wide.
“How did you…”
He doesn’t say anything and continues with his business.
Again with the throat-drying silence.
Something in Ran’s gut compels her to speak, but she is surprised when he does first.
“I... I don’t like Kaori-san. If that’s what you’re thinking.”
Ran stiffens, pausing mid-motion from folding. “I’m not…”
He leans his back completely against her and she shudders, voice reverberating through her skin. “Ran, if you could just hear me out.”
Unable to talk and move, she does.
“Kaori-san and the rest... They know I love mysteries. They know I want to build my own private detective agency. They know my favorite Holmes’ story is The Sign of Four. They know how many crimes I solved in Tokyo. All the information about me which anyone can read from the internet and newspaper and from what I told them when they ask, they know. Ran, you know all that. All that and more.”
He angles his head to the ceiling as if he’s talking to someone there. Ran supports his weight, curling to her knees as she silently listens.
“You know of my first ever deduction because Christ, my first deduction was about you. You know of the two cases which haunt me until this day because I watched the culprit die in front of my very eyes. You were with me the nights I locked myself in here thinking about them. You know of the interesting, the boring, the absurd cases, everything, because I told you or you were there. You know of the odd way I play the violin while I ponder over a case. You know I forget to eat when swamped with new books to read. I have three copies of The Sign of Four but the one I keep beside my bed and read almost weekly is the one you gave me on my tenth birthday and that is all I need. You know me for me, Ran. Everything about me that is off the record, the good and the bad, you know all of those. Only you. The same way I do... about you.”
She feels him crane slightly to the side, addressing her.
“Ran.”
“Mm.”
“I love you.”
Ran’s heart almost completely stops beating.
“I love you,” he whispers, “more than I am even supposed to.”
All words seem to have fizzled out of her vocabulary as she sits still, stunned at what she’s hearing.
“I’m happy growing up with you, studying with you, bickering with you, acting stupid with you, investigating with you, eating with you, napping with you, hugging you, holding you, taking care of you, simply... being with you. Before I know it, it’s not the cases or Holmes or mysteries that complete my days, it’s you.
“For you to keep repeating that ‘best friend’ phrase, I…” He lowers his head.
“For who knows how long, I’ve loved you as that and more.”
Someone pinch her because in no way can this be real.
“I was happy thinking you’re jealous because it meant a sliver of chance you feel the same way. We could’ve remedied the misunderstanding easily, Ran. We could’ve talked it over like we always do. But I was stupid and emotions were high and in the end I… kissed you…” he takes another deep breath, “But—but you kissed me back, and my heart couldn’t stay still...”
Pulse drumming loud, Ran tilts her head on the side where he leans, wanting to see the slightest expression he makes as he continues.
“If my deductions are wrong and you’re mad for a different reason, and—and you returned that for a different reason...” she hears the pang of remorse in his tone, “then please forget I ever said anything and I’ll leave myself to die in humiliation once I’m out of your sight.”
He lays one palm flat on the floor and she notices.
“But if my deductions are right and you were indeed jealous, I...” She feels his head swivel enough to feel his warm breath fan across her cheek, before shifting back front and releasing a slow, guttural exhale he’s kept contained within.
“I’ll wait... until you accept it. Accept me.”
Ran may have choked on her throat for how long she’s held her breath.
In spite of herself, she knows she doesn’t need to think of what to say. She had it all in her head before coming here. Yet expressing it out loud is a different matter.
She isn’t ready, but when will she ever be ready? Shinichi undoubtedly isn’t too. Yet here he is, laying the groundwork for her, no holds barred and a stuttering mess at that. How she plans to build from it is the question she asks herself next.
Inhaling as though bracing herself, she places a hand beside him, pinky slightly grazing his.
“I didn’t... You never showed any signs.”
Careful and calm, he extends his little finger over hers. She doesn’t flinch, and both hands crawl closer until two fingers overlap.
“Either I’m a great pretender or you’re incredibly dense.”
“I’m...I’m not dense.”
“I’m a bad actor, then.” He slides his hand further.
“I was trying so hard to be a supportive best friend for you.”
“I sensed that but ignored it because I didn’t want to assume anything.”
“You did though. Now we’re here.”
“Would you rather we aren’t?”
“I would rather we spend the last weeks of this year talking like normal than being stupid idiots before you leave.”
“It’s just two weeks, Ran.”
“Two special weeks I would’ve wanted to spend with my best frien-... with you.”
Without knowing it, his hand has completely nestled atop hers, four fingers curled between her thumb and index finger.
“Ran... You must really hate the idea of falling in love with me.”
“Eh?”
“You’re so wrapped with the thought that we’re simply best friends that you hold your love in chains as though it isn’t permitted to grow.”
“I… I didn’t want to ruin the only connection we have-”
“Two friends falling in love are still friends… They are also more. You cannot ruin an indefeasible connection. Friendship and love may be the only bond we have, but they’re the most important bond of all.”
Ran falls quiet.
“Geez…”
He releases a thick sigh, brushes his thumb across her splayed fingers.
“I have shit art appreciation skills, but I can take you to museums too... as a friend and as a date.” A beat, and a mumble. “Even to better museums than Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum.”
She darts her head sideways, realizing something.
“Were you also…?”
“No.”
Ran doesn’t suppress the heartfelt giggle that bubbles out.
“Shun-san has a boyfriend, Shinichi.”
“I—” he pauses. “I wasn’t asking.” Ran giggles more.
“Shinichi.”
“Yes.”
“I love you too.”
The hand above squishes hers all too suddenly like he’s been blown away and is needing something to hold onto.
“I came here to give your present and to apologize for being so shallow and for acting without thinking and for a lot of things actually... but now I feel there’s no need, because then I wouldn’t have...” She looks down at their intertwined hands.
Before she can return his squeeze, he recoils.
“Oh, y-you do apologize. Running away like that.” He coughs, and she can practically hear the tripping in his tone.
“Aren’t you already used to it? I’ve done it many times,” she chides.
“No. Apologize,” he insists. “And look at me while you do.”
Ran’s stomach twists, heart kicking up a step.
It’s easy to talk without eye contact, but to be requested so after confessions are exchanged—
“Face me, Ran.”
The familiar voice of yearning strums her heartstrings, tone sounding a lot like a plea than an order and Ran finds her head instinctively craning at an angle, hand coiling on the floor trying to calm her nervous beating heart. She feels him shift behind as well.
She takes all her time to face him, partly unsure what to do, partly knowing exactly what she wants to do. Despite the deliberate slowness of their movements, it is when they lock eyes that time truly seems to stop.
Shinichi appears so different, so soulful. His blue irises glimmering, fixated on nothing but her as she reveres him with matching intensity. The same guy she treats as her best friend looks at her with tender love in his eyes, darting down her lips and up like no best friend ever would.
“I love you,” he says, breathless. “Make me your boyfriend.”
A wave of emotion sweeps over her, heartbeat fluttering in overdrive as they huddle on the floor, bags and clothes and time forgotten.
“From best friend to... such a shift-”
“Nothing will be different.” He rests his forehead on hers, gaze of soft blue patient though more intimate now, knowing what they share is mutual. “We’ll still do what we do... With exclusive romantic commitment and sweet nothings that translate to ‘I love you’ in more ways than one.”
She attempts a jab on his chest but he catches her fist, soft but jesting beam all too apparent and she does but play along.
“What about when we fight?” she asks.
“Same. But...” he slides a thumb over her quiet lips, parting them slightly, “I can do this once we make up.”
“...Like right now?”
“Like right now.”
A genuine smile is the last thing she sees before delicate pair of lips lands on hers, capping their one-week fight and their last night of the year together in the best and most unexpected way imaginable.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she shouldn’t be jealous.
Not because they are simply best friends, because they aren’t. Not because life would be easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven, because it wouldn’t.
Not because Shinichi doesn’t look at her that way, because he does.
She shouldn’t be jealous because she absolutely has no reason to, is all.
“I haven’t forgotten about your present. I was planning to buy yours in Akita.”
“Stop lying, you totally forgot it.”
“I didn’t. Stop that.” Half-mast eyes rake her side profile, and Ran covers a mirthful grin with her mitted hand holding the umbrella, then yawns. Hours of packing and talking and laughing left them with roughly four hours of sleep. It isn’t like she slept the whole period because while sleeping in his room isn’t new, cuddling while they sleep is. Ran couldn’t simply shut her eyes and heart to that.
“I believe though,” he wraps a hand around her free one, pocketing both of them in his brand new overcoat, “I gave half of my present already.”
“Hnn. That doesn’t count as a gift.” Her hand shifted, coddling his own to a warm fit.
“Really?” A smug smirk pulls up his face. “I believe I am a nice present, Ran. That’s why they—”
“Screw this. You are unbelievable. A humbug. Why do people like you.”
“I know. Why do you like me?” Shinichi laughs as he avoids the swing of her umbrella.
From afar, they see Kaori and the girls at the meet-up point outside Tokyo Station, though they seem unaware of their presence yet. Suddenly feeling conscious, Ran feels the urge to disentangle her hand, but Shinichi holds on, firm.
“Why?” He asks in a low voice.
“I dunno… maybe this isn’t the best time…”
“Isn’t now the best time?” His smile is proud and natural, not one ounce of reluctance visible.
Although she gets what he means, that doesn’t free her of shyness and guilt. Somehow she feels like apologizing to Kaori for… she doesn’t know. She just wants to. Letting her see them like this makes her think that she’s giving her an indirect slap on the face. Shinichi certainly won’t agree because ‘What’s with women and their logic?’, but still, whether or not it’s all in her head, Ran needs more time to prepare for this.
But to her surprise, Shinichi lets go of her hand. They are still a few feet from view when he steps in front of her and turns around. “Maah, fine, I get it,” he huffs, then smiles. “Then, just give me your umbrella.”
The moment she does, Shinichi closes their distance and dips his face onto hers. Ran is given no leeway to gasp as loving lips seal her quiet. It isn’t as long as what they shared a week ago, but the emotions are loaded and full, speaking fond thanks and temporary farewell.
She doesn’t realize she has closed her eyes until he separates, and she’s met with the most tender, most angelic expression he wears only on the rarest occasions. He’s saying without telling that her feelings are valid, she doesn’t have to worry,  and he doesn’t have eyes for anyone but her. Somehow, the snow is the sea and fish are swarming around but neither cares because they have already caught each other.
“You don’t have to, silly.” Three layers of pink blanket Ran’s puffy cheeks.
“But I want to.” Grinning, Shinichi hands her back the umbrella. “You don’t like hand-holding. You don’t like being seen. Don’t you think that’s a great compromise?”
“Idiot, many people saw...”
“No, they didn’t!” Upping the duffel bag slung on his shoulder, he steps back and gives her one last goofy beam. “I’ll see you next year, Ran. I’ll call as often as I can.”
Wordlessly, Ran watches Shinichi’s back as he jogs to his waiting companions, who by then have already had their eyes pinned on the approaching figure.
“That is Shinichi-kun! ...And Mouri-san!”
“Ehhh!!?! You’re a thing!”
So much for being subtle, Ran flushes inwardly as she returns the wave the other girls are giving her. At that moment she really does feel immature for her past conduct. All of them are sweet. Even Kaori.
“I knew it Shinichi-kun! Mouri-san is sooo lucky, I’m so jealous!” Ran hears their banter and sees her jab his bicep before acknowledging her. “We’ll take care of him, Mouri-san!”
The Ran from one week ago would’ve had her heart crushed by such declaration, but now she’s nothing but pleased and the smile that forms across her lips is nothing but honest. “Make sure he doesn’t drag your group into a random dead body, Kaori-san!”
“Hey!” surfaces Shinichi’s shout amidst the mincing laughter of the group and the onlooking passers-by, and Ran bids her last wave before they enter the station.
Smiling to herself, Ran returns home, the lingering promise of his kiss committed to memory, knowing that she doesn’t have to get jealous because she has no reason to. Their indefeasible bond is all the assurance she needs.
.
.
.
132 notes · View notes
justkending · 4 years
Text
Are you stupid or stupid? (Drabble)
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Summary: Maybe having kids do your makeup wasn’t the best for a tired babysitter.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 1500+
Warnings: Just a ton of fluff that you may or may not be able to handle... :)
A/N: This is for @itsunclebucky​‘s challenge! I had the prompts: “Are you stupid or stupid?” & “It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy.” - Bridesmaids Thank you for letting me do this challenge my dear, and congrats on your milestone! Here to more milestones in the future!! xoxox
____________
You usually had to say no when your sister asked if you could babysit considering your job. At any moment you could get a call saying the world was ending, and you needed to jump on a Quinjet to go save it.
But after what had to have been the 10th time canceling with your sister, Tony told you not to worry. It had been a tough argument between both of your iron hard heads. One with you saying you would find time later and wanted to stay at the compound just in case. 
But after Tony had Morgan, he always made sure you could escape to your family when you needed. He knew the right thing to say every time too to get you to leave your job behind, and put your family first. 
“You don’t know the next time you’ll get to see them. So if the world isn’t ending this instant, get your fine ass out of here.”
So with a heavy roll of your eyes, you nodded knowing he was right. You did love seeing and spending time with your family, but could easily be blinded by the needs of your job.
However, tonight you told your sister that you would babysit, and her and her wife could go out on a date night. You don’t remember the last time you hung out with your nieces, and they were always such a hoot. 
Tonight consisted of loads of movies, princess play, staying up way past bedtime, and some intense makeovers. 
By the time you did get the girls to bed, you were too tired to mess with the heavy amounts of eyeshadow, blush, and lipstick smeared all over your face. Mainly in places it was not made to be put. 
You looked like Abby from that show Broad City on the episode where she gets her wisdom teeth out, and her friend does her makeup like a drag queen. It was that bad.
But again, you were too tired to care.
So when your sister came home to relieve you of your job, she couldn’t hold back her laughter and neither could her wife. 
“I know. I know it’s bad. I’ll take it off when I get home though.” you yawned as you sat up from the couch and stretched. 
“You could just stay the night here,” she offered, fluffing the pillow you were leaning on.
“I would, but I have training early in the morning. Gotta show some of the new agents how to kick Bucky’s ass,” you chuckled, grabbing your things and crossing your arms. “Thanks for letting me hang out with the girls. I miss them and I really needed this.”
“Thank you for letting us get out of the house for once without the little rascals,” your sister smiled.
“You’re more than welcome to have some sleep overs here whenever you need a healthy dose of birth control,” her wife Sarah said nodding at the girls bedroom. 
“Noted, and I will for sure cash that in at some point,” you chuckled tiredly. 
“You sure you’re good to drive?” your concerned sister asked walking you to the door.
“I’m good. It’s only a 10 minute drive. I’ll wake up once I get in the car.” 
“Ok, drive safe. Thanks again sis.” 
“Anything for you and Sarah. And the girls of course!” you waved walking out to the driveway.
“Text me when you’re home!” she shouted.
______
You made it back to the compound in one piece, but you were exhausted. 
When you got back to your room, you saw your boyfriend was still up at the late hour, and was reading a book in the corner of your balcony. Bucky always waited up for you if you were coming home late. You knew it was so that he had a peace of mind of you being safe, and also that he couldn’t sleep well without you. 
He never told you those things, but it wasn’t hard to catch on. 
As soon as the door shut behind you, you saw him turn in his seat and smile before coming back in the room. 
But just a few steps in he froze, and tilted his head. 
“What, uh, whatcha got going on there?” he said with a small chuckle escaping. 
“What?” you asked confused. 
He pointed at his own face making a circle with his index finger showing he was talking about you. 
“Wh-” you started, but then your brain caught up and you remembered that you had makeup done by a 4 and 6 year old still on. “Oh, crap I forgot.” you moaned slumping over and walking to the bathroom in a drained way.
All you could hear was full on laughing from the other room, as Bucky slowly collected himself enough to come into the bathroom with you. 
You were looking for your makeup wipes, but must have moved them because you couldn’t find them fast enough. 
When you looked up in the mirror looking at Bucky behind you, he had his arms crossed and one hand covering his mouth. He was trying SO hard not to laugh, but when you made eye contact with him again, he folded over laughing more. 
“What is so funny about this?” you chuckled at his reaction. You don’t remember the last time he was this giggly. It’s not like you guys don’t laugh when you're together, but this giggle fest was so much stronger than most. 
“Nothing. Nothing.” he said trying to hold it in, but failing. You send him a serious look not having the energy for this like you normally would. “Ok, ok.” he said, seeing you were too tired to understand. “It’s just that...It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy.”
“What?!” you shouted, turning to look at him. 
“Wait-” he said, getting defensive but still laughing. 
“You can’t just tell a girl she’s ugly Buck!” you shouted playfully running up and shoving his chest. You would be offended, but you know he didn’t mean it that way. That didn’t mean you weren’t going to let him off with his slip up. 
“Let me restate what I meant,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender as you kept smacking him. “I didn’t mean ugly, I meant...” He was in a bind and didn’t know how to fix it, and once again the giggles came back out. 
“Are you stupid or stupid?” you said straight faced crossing your arms over your chest tightly. 
“Stupid. Very, very stupid.” he answered still laughing as he pulled your elbows to him, and held you in an embrace. His chin resting on the top of your head. 
“At least you got one thing right.” you mumbled into his chest. 
“I’m guessing the little munchkins did this amazing transformation.”
“How’d you know?” you said in a sarcastic tone. 
“Wild guess.” he chuckled. Then he pulled you back holding your shoulders as he looked at you. “I’m just not used to seeing you with makeup up of any sort, and this... Well, this is not the kind of makeup I ever thought I would see you in.” he smiled. “I hate to tell you, but you have lipstick in your eyebrows I think.” he said running his thumb over the red smear. 
“Yeah, I noticed,” you giggled. 
“You gonna keep it on to show the crew in the morning, or do you need help washing it off? I’ll support whatever,” he grinned, turning you around and putting his hand on the lower part of your back as you both looked in the mirror. 
“You know, I think Steve would appreciate seeing how makeup has changed over the years. It’s a nice form of art,” you said tilting your head as you examined the fine artwork done by the youngins. 
“That or give the old man a heart attack,” he said, mocking your tilt of the head. 
“I didn’t give you a heart attack,” you smiled up at him. 
“That’s because I’m very used to your dorkiness.” he kissed your cheek. 
“Awe, trying to suck up after your slip up. How cute...”
“I’m not going to live this down for a while, am I?” he sighed resting his chin on your shoulder now and embracing you from behind. 
“No. No you’re not.” you smiled, but behind it was a deadly promise. “But, like you, I’m not sure this is the right style for me. Doesn’t really fit.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t really scream Y/N.” he nodded. 
“Ok. I’m going to wash this off and then I’ll be ready for bed. If you can’t tell by this alone, it was a very tiring and eventful night.” you sighed warming up the water. 
“Sounds like a plan doll.” he said, giving you one more kiss on the head before heading to the door. “And Y/N/N,” he said before you turned to look at him. “You look gorgeous 25/8. It’s nice to know some of us have a chance with you when you get done up like this.” he grinned.
You let out a single loud laugh before throwing a wash cloth at him as he ran out laughing himself. 
“Punk,” you mumbled, grinning wide as you went back to riding your face of the clown paste.
Marvel Tags:
@thejourneyneverendsx​​ @death-unbecomes-you​​ @heyiamthatbitch​​ @zeilenkrieg​​ @lizzymacy555​​ @iheartsebastianstan​​ @srrymydood​​ @xa-dia​​ @redhairedfeistynerd​​
My Lovelies forever:
@natura1phenomenon @lauravic @traceyaudette @kakakatey @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @snffbeebee @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @naomi02hook @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose​ @their-bibliophile​ @kitkatd7​
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purplesurveys · 3 years
Text
1141
survey by lets-make-surveys
1 - Do you have a favourite day of the week? What is it about that day that you like so much? I feel like I just answered this recently, but let’s go with Friday again. Always nice to fade out after work and to finally close all my work tabs and chats, and not feel obligated to reply to anyone for a couple of days.
2 - Would you describe yourself as a sociable person or not? I’m not the most sociable person, like I don’t always have the energy to be at the maximum level of perky, but I am to an extent. I no longer find it difficult to approach people and strike up a conversation.
3 - Who was the last person you spoke to out-loud? What did you speak to them about? My mom. My former director, Ysa, sent me a scented candle earlier tonight - as a parting gift since she got promoted and got reassigned to my employer’s sister company - and I just asked my mom to light the candle up because I’m scared of matches and fire.
4 - Do you prefer tea or coffee? Coffee; I never drink tea.
5 - What's your ideal weather? When was the last time you had that kind of weather where you live? Any kind of weather where the temperature is anywhere below 25ºC (which is already considered quite chilly here) is fine with me.
6 - Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Does virtual count? I had a Jeopardy night on Zoom with my orgmates a couple of weeks ago. I might miss out on a couple of people, but I was with Peter, Elis, Andi, Carmel, Robin, Laurice, and Mik. Apart from that, my uncle treated me, my kuya, and my cousin Luke to lunch the morning after said Zoom call.
7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Oh my god, just this afternoon. I was in a Zoom call with a client and besides our PR agency, there was another marketing agency in the call who was also pitching their presentation deck. The entire call was pure bliss on my end, no one was making noise at home – the second it came to my speaking parts, Cooper started howling and barking like crazy because idk, maybe he saw an animal outside or something?? In any case it suddenly got very loud and I got caught off-guard, and I ended up stuttering several times as I was trying to focus.
8 - Do you have to wear a uniform at work or school? If not, what do you tend to wear? The only time I had to wear a legit uniform was in private school, which I attended from preschool to high school. We do have business casual dress code at work, but that in itself is pretty flexible so I don’t really count it as a ‘uniform.’
9 - Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Indoor cinema. I watch a lot of things that I’d love to be able to view with a much bigger screen - plus it’s a lot easier to maintain than a pool, lol.
10 - When was the last time you were at the beach? August 2019 :(
11 - Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. My parents also advise against getting my own credit card since I could pick up some bad spending habits from it, according to them. That sounds scary enough so I’m ok with my debit card.
12 - What do you tend to wear to sleep in? Does this vary depending on the time of year? Usually something light, short, and airy since I live in a tropical country that never gets to enjoy temperatures lower than like 23ºC.
13 - What do you tend to have for breakfast, if you eat it? Fried rice, hotdogs, and bacon strips are filling enough for me.
14 - If someone offered to cook you a three-course-meal of your choosing, no budget - what would you have? Oysters, filet mignon, and macarons.
15 - How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Anywhere between 7–9 during weekdays, and like 3–4 during weekends because revenge bedtime procrastination is real. Yeah, I’d say it’s enough on both ends.
16 - Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We have neither.
17 - When was the last time you did a load of laundry? Do you need to do some in the near future? I don’t do the laundry at home.
18 - Are you addicted to anything legal? What about illegal? I guess vaping? I’m a lot more reliant on it now versus the past few months, and I get a little restless whenever I have to charge it for an hour or so. 
19 - Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? A little bit, but I obviously haven’t had to express it in a while because of my much-lessened time on the road due to Covid. Standstill traffic is the biggest factor, but standstill traffic + stupid drivers who are impatient and end up not following the road lanes is the quickest way to irritate me and set me off.
20 - What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? I have no idea, and that’s precisely because I live in the suburbs in a city which would not make them a common sight.
21 - How is your hair styled at the moment? Low side ponytail.
22 - Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Not as much as I used to. I’ll probably post 5–7 tweets (versus the 50+ I’d post when I was younger) and share like 1–3 Facebook posts a day. I could talk about pretty much everything on Twitter since that’s my main dump - be it rants, my feelings, what I ate, the latest dumb thing Cooper did, etc. On Facebook I mostly share memes, at least family-friendly ones that wouldn’t alert my relatives lol.
23 - What are you watching/listening to at the moment? Nothing for either. I can hear some birds chirping outside since it’s finally getting brighter again, but that’s it.
24 - If you have multiple pets, do they all get along with each other or are there sometimes fights/scuffles? Cooper has actually finally settled down a bit so I’m starting to feel more comfortable letting him out with Kimi in the same room/floor. He understands that Kimi doesn’t like being disturbed so even though he’s in the mood to run around and be energetic and play catch or whatever, he always takes the time to tip-toe around Kimi. They’re not best buds by any means, but it’s enough to leave them be and not worry about a fight breaking out anymore. Sweet boys.
25 - What are some habits you have in common with your parents? My dad excessively blinks when he’s feeling tense or in an argument; I ended up picking that up from him. With my mom, it’s mostly phrases or expressions that she likes to use.
26 - Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? Beaches.
27 - When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? I either remember the page number or do a tiny dog-ear. Bookmarks aren’t the right match for me lol, I’ll most likely end up losing them.
28 - What's your favourite kind of cereal? Sweeter ones.
29 - Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? Yeah, my neck had actually been seriously stiff during my last shift and I couldn’t move my head unless I moved my entire body along with it. It’s died down now but I can definitely still feel the strain. My left shoulder in particular feels very strained at the moment and I’m feeling a considerable level of discomfort from it as I take this.
30 - What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? 2 Days 1 Night, the usual. The Korean style of video editing is phenomenal and can literally make anything funny.
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katefiction · 4 years
Text
Revolution, Part 1
by katefiction (Maria) / 2014
It was a boiling hot day, the day before. I remember because George’s cheeks were bright red all day long. I’d had to resort to stripping him down to a vest and his nappy to keep him cool. It didn’t help that he’d recently discovered how to run. Every fourth step, he would lose his balance and fall to the floor, but he was so happy using his legs, chasing Lupo around the apartment and screeching as he went.
‘George, come here!’ I shouted, grabbing his arm as he ran past me.
I wiped his face and back down with a cold flannel, and made him sip on some water.
‘Ok, go’ I said, releasing him into the wild again.
The air conditioning had broken down a month back, or been switched off. We didn’t know which, but suspected the latter. We had been strongly advised not to open any windows, it would be “inviting trouble”, they had told us.
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We’d had to make do with a few portable fans, but that wasn’t enough to cool down our twenty-room home. We decided instead to use only the rooms we needed and it was beginning to feel like a cage. Of course, I would never say that out loud.
With George occupied by Lupo, I sat myself down on the couch with a glass of iced tea. I never thought I’d be this kind of person. A housewife with nothing better to do than sit at home all day and watch daytime TV. But there I was expertly flicking through the channels, deciding between a DIY makeover show and a chat show. The news channels weren’t an option for me, I was sick to the teeth of the constant discussion; the repetition; the poring over of every detail hour after hour.
It was only when George commanded my attention that I snapped out of my zombie like state.
‘Da!’ he shouted, throwing his blue rhinoceros stuffed toy at my feet.
‘Georgie, don’t throw poor Ronald, that’s not nice’ I grabbed the toy and cuddled it to my chest, prompting George to reach out his little chubby arms.
I handed Ronald back to him and he smiled for a second or two before throwing him down again. ‘Da!?’
Ronald was a gift from William, and had quickly become George’s favourite toy. So much so, that he sat in George’s cot every night, standing guard over him.
‘Da? Da! Da?!’
‘Baby, he’s not home yet’, I scooped him up off the floor for a kiss and a cuddle, but he quickly wriggled out of my grasp.
Much to my annoyance, George had said ‘Da’ before he’d said ‘Mu’, which were his names for us. William had revelled in the fact that it was his first word, taunting me about it with the perseverance of a woodpecker.
Forcing myself off the couch, I decided to start on dinner. When I opened the fridge however, it was all but empty. A few vegetables sat limply in the bottom drawer and milk for George was lined up on the shelves. I sighed and slammed it shut. In the kitchen cupboard were a few cans of soup that we could eat with some bread. It riled me to see our kitchen so barren.
William came home at five, just as I was deciding between tomato and leek and potato for the third time that week.
‘Hey’ he said, leaving the door ajar for a few seconds to let some air in. His face was so tired, with dark patches under his eyes as if a storm cloud were shadowing his face.  
‘Hey, how was it?’
He rubbed his worn face with his hand. ‘They won’t budge’
I sighed and turned away from him, ‘did you ask when our food would be delivered?’
‘I forgot’
For days I regretted how I acted next, wondering if it was that which pushed him over the edge.
‘William, I asked you to do one thing!’
‘I had more important things to think about’, he said, too tired to argue.
‘More important than feeding your son?’
‘Not tonight Kate, please…’
I slammed the can of soup down on the counter and tried to pull the ring pull back, but it wouldn’t move.
‘For God’s sake!’ I muttered under my breath.
William came over to me, his body hot from the searing heat, ‘leave it, we’ll order pizza’
‘We can’t live on takeaway’ I said unreasonably.
‘George’s got puree in the freezer; we can cope with pizza tonight. I’ll sort the groceries tomorrow, I promise’
I leant back into his chest and closed my eyes, ‘I’m sorry’
‘So am I’ he said, pushing his mouth into the top of my head.
‘So, what did they say?’ I asked finally.
‘The decision was final, all my engagements are cancelled, and I’m not to be seen in public until they say so’
‘Didn’t Jamie try and convince them?’
‘He was out-numbered; there was nothing he could do’
Over the last two months, our court had been slowly transformed with letters of resignation coming in every couple of weeks, until there was only Jamie left of our original staff. He was supposed to have all but left, but loyally, he’d stayed on. In place of our trusted advisers had come strangers who were now advising us that we shouldn’t even leave our home.
‘We need to get rid of them, we can do with just Jamie for now’ I said.
‘That would be admitting defeat; we can’t do without a court’
‘Do you trust them?’
‘I don’t know’. He pulled the pizza menu from the letter rack and sat down at the breakfast bar.
That was when I knew we were in trouble. William had always been so sure of the people around him. Like a sniper, he would seek out anyone he couldn’t trust and cast them out. But that night, he was worried and he couldn’t do a thing about it.
*
The history books will tell you that the Revolution began on May 6 2014, when the general election was called a year early. Britain had gone to the dogs with riots flaring up around the country over benefit cuts, energy prices and unemployment to name just a few.
Those of us that lived through it will tell you that it had started years earlier. The recession hit the country hard, and May 6 was the eruption of all those years of struggle. When the Green Party came into power that day, with its promise of a new prosperous Britain, it bought with it republican ideals.
The Republic had campaigned against the monarchy for years, but it wasn’t until that May that the British public stood up and took notice. The first months of 2014 were harsh and aggressive with rains and storms hitting our little island with no mercy. People were being forced out of their homes as the rain water crept in, ominously seeping under the doors and destroying everything it touched. Every penny was being whittled away by fuel and food, and the country had had enough of the government that had failed to protect them. By May, it was at breaking point, and the Republic seized their chance to use it against our family, so warm and dry in our fortified homes.
WE ARE PAYING FOR THE MONARCHY TO FEAST WHILE WE STARVE! They shouted, mounted on the lions of Trafalgar Square.
The protests intensified, with echoes of the 2011 summer riots rising once again. Outside all the palaces in London, masses stood, placards in hand, calling for the abolition of the institution that had served their country almost a thousand years. Little children who had once been so excited to meet us, now chanted along with their mothers and fathers. My little family of three hid behind our four walls, watching from the window as the police attempted to turn them away. But this wasn’t a violent protest; it was controlled, thought out and passive aggressive.
‘What do they think will happen?!’ I appealed to William. ‘We’ll just throw money out of the windows, chuck in some priceless paintings and jewels, and that will solve this country’s problems?!’
‘They want us to disappear’ he said gravely, stepping back from the window. ‘We represent sickening wealth, it doesn’t’ matter that we’re trying to help. Come away from the window before you’re seen’
We continued our engagements as best we could, our police protection bumped up just in case. But this only angered them more. The two princes, once so loved for their ‘normal’ personas and giving natures were now brandished all over the papers as spoilt and useless. No amount of PR could turn them back.
In June the Queen left for her summer holiday early under the cover of darkness. No one, not even William, knew if she was truly in Scotland.
That was when the Revolution hit us. With Her Majesty gone, our staff left one by one. Our engagements were cancelled and we were told to stay inside for our “own safety”.
It was the beginning of the end.
*
Unlike our groceries, the pizzas arrived promptly, Americana for me and Margarita for William. As I laid out the food on the table, I listened to him over the baby monitor putting George to bed.
‘Ok GB, it’s way past your bedtime’, he said, as George drank down his milk. ‘You are a greedy guts, aren’t you? Look how fast you’ve drunk your milk’
George babbled in reply.
William couldn’t wait for the day that he and George could have full blown conversations, and neither could I. I hoped it would stop William giving him a new name every week. There was ‘GB’ or ‘Team GB’, an acronym ‘Giant Baby’ in reference to our baby’s 8lb, 6oz weight at birth and ‘Grumplestiltskin’ was for when he was tired and grumpy.
Then there were the names he gave me. ‘Mum-a-tron’ was his current favourite.
‘Just like Daddy aren’t you, big appetite…now where’s Ronald?’
I heard him stand up, the creak of the rocking chair audible in our state of the art monitors.
‘Ah ha, there he is. Ronald’s going to look after you, isn’t he? He’ll protect you no matter what, I promise’
I heard him kiss George and put him into his cot. He didn’t leave the room right away, and I knew he was standing over the cot looking at his son as he so often did when he had something on his mind.
‘Dinner’s up’ I said when he returned to the kitchen.
We took it over to the couch and William immediately put on the news as he had done most nights for the last couple of months. I sighed inwardly.
‘Shall we put something else on tonight?’ I asked hopefully.
‘I just want to watch this for a bit’, he replied, ignoring me.
‘Will, please, can we just have one night without thinking about all this?’ I pointed to the TV, where a member of the Republic was arguing with the presenter about taxation.
‘This is my only source of information, they aren’t telling me anything’ he said scornfully.
I sat back into the sofa, defeated by William’s stubbornness. He was right, though, because an hour later, a breaking news bulletin flashed up on the screen.
PRINCE CHARLES AND THE DUCHESS OF CORNWALL LEAVE BRITAIN
I jolted up from my slumped state as the presenter read from the auto cue that had evidently just popped up in front of her.
‘Aides to the Prince of Wales have confirmed he has left Britain for an undisclosed period. They have declined to reveal his location but confirm that the Duchess of Cornwall is with him. It comes after the Queen left for her annual holiday two months early allegedly due to increasing pressure from the public and the campaign group Republic. Royal sources this evening have revealed that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince George and Prince Harry remain in the UK’
The TV was the loudest sound in the room, but my ears were focussed on William’s breathing next to me. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and wordlessly called his father. I watched as his eyes darkened and his breathing intensified. After a few seconds, he ended the call.
‘What happened?’ I asked cautiously.
He didn’t answer me, and instead called Jamie.
‘Jamie, did you see the news? … I just tried, his phone has been disconnected … did you know? … Should we be worried? … OK, I will, bye’
‘What did he say?’
‘It’s the first he’s heard of it. He hasn’t heard from Papa’. His face was so full of worry, I just wanted to reach over and comfort him. But I knew when William was stressed, he needed time to himself.
‘What now?’
‘We stay inside until they tell us otherwise’
My phone buzzed on the sofa arm. It was my mum calling.
‘Tell her we’re ok, but nothing else’ William said, spotting the caller display, ‘we don’t know if our phones are being watched’
I reluctantly did as he said. I wanted more than anything to leave that place right then and go to stay with my parents. But something in William’s tone told me to leave my family in safety.
William, meanwhile paced around the apartment double checking every window and shutting all the curtains. He locked every door he could too.
 ‘Should we go to the panic room?’ I said anxiously when he returned.
The panic room was a high tech protected zone disguised as a normal room – in our case it was hidden behind our walk in wardrobe.
 Suddenly he softened, coming over to me and taking me in his arms, ‘don’t be silly, you’re perfectly safe’
‘Then why are you locking us in here?’
‘As a precaution. As long as I’m here, you’re protected. The only time you’ll need that room is if I’m not’
I knew he was trying to placate me, and I let him because I didn’t want him to know I was scared. Looking back, I know he was doing the same thing.
We went to bed that night anxious but comforted by each other’s presence. After touching base with Harry, I insisted we bring George into our room for the night and we placed his cot as close to the bed as possible.
‘I’m sure your father’s tried to get in touch’ I began.
‘Tomorrow…we’ll talk about it tomorrow’ he said quietly, consumed by his own thoughts.
Somehow, we managed to fall asleep. It was a sleep so deep that I didn’t hear a footstep or a whisper that night, let alone hear him leave.
*
I woke up to silence. It was 6am and my body clock told me that George would wake up and demand breakfast in half an hour. When I looked to my left and right, neither of my boys were there.
It wasn’t unusual for me to wake up and find William not there. He was a light sleeper, and often he would get up before George so he could be there as soon as he woke, allowing me half an hour extra in bed. Recently, he’d been waking up before the sunrise, unable to stay in bed a moment longer than necessary.
I told myself that they were probably in the living room in front of the TV, watching the news so I lay there for a peaceful fifteen minutes, letting my body get used to being awake.
Eventually, I got up and went straight to the living room, only to find it was empty. The kitchen merely had the empty pizza boxes and menu scattered on the counter. Lupo was asleep in his basket in the corner.
Confused and trying to push down a rising sense of panic, I headed to the bathroom, which was cold and lifeless.
George’s room, I thought resolutely, chastising myself for overreacting. I would sometimes find the two of them playing in there, toys scattered all over the carpet because George only had to point and William would get whatever he wanted down from the shelf. Never mind the twenty cuddly toys already on the floor.
The room was vacant.
It was then that my heart shot into my throat.
‘William?!’ I shouted to no reply. ‘George?!’
I rushed back into the bedroom, looking for a note, checking my phone, anything. William wouldn’t have taken George for a walk without telling me, not in the current situation and certainly not without Lupo.
I felt the bile start to rise to my throat, my body breaking out into a sweat with the panic. Stay calm, I willed myself, taking deep breaths and letting my heart slow down.
I closed my eyes, and organised my thoughts. I would go through every one of our twenty rooms methodically and then and only then would I allow myself to worry. Collecting the keys from the study, I went about unlocking every door that William had locked the night before, switching on the lights to make extra sure as William had drawn all the curtains.
When I finished without finding a thing, I went back to our bedroom and did what a panicked wife and mother would do. I tried ringing him.
His phone went off within seconds, still lying on his bedside table where he always left it. My face popped up on the screen as it rang, smiling brightly into the camera. I wanted to throw it against the wall.
What was I supposed to do next? Who was I supposed to call? My mind blurred with all the things I’d been told in my training for emergencies when I’d married William. He would know what to do, I thought, my frustration momentarily overtaking my fear. I had never felt as alone as I did in that moment, my child missing, and my husband not there to calm me down.  
We hadn’t planned what I’d do without him. ‘As long as I’m here, you’re protected’, he’d said the night before as if it was so simple.
Then, as if from nowhere, and in the most inappropriate of circumstances, a memory flashed through my mind. Every year we would join my family on holiday in the Caribbean. What I loved more than anything was standing in the crystal waters, the sun on my back, waiting for the warm waves to wash over my legs. No matter what was happening in my life – an imminent break up or a tough pregnancy – that moment was like hope rushing in.
Standing in my bedroom that day, sweat dripping down my face, the same sense of hope washed over my body, a force so strong it nearly pushed me backwards.
‘The only time you’ll need that room is if I’m not’
I hurled myself towards our walk in wardrobe. The door was closed and I knew immediately someone had been inside. We never closed that door.
Switching on the light, I hurried to the end of the long narrow room, which was lined top to bottom with shelves and rails of clothes, shoes and accessories. At the back end of the room, William’s suits hung immaculately in a row and I pushed them aside roughly to reveal a small, barely visible panel concealed within the wall.
There was a brass latch along the skirting board, and I struggled to remember where it was, fumbling my fingers along it until after what felt like an age, my finger landed on the piece of cold metal. Pulling it up, I heard the panel click and it jutted out, allowing me to slide it to one side.
Behind it hid a thick, heavy metal door. The last time I’d seen it was when we’d moved in. Security had shown us just how secure it was, the loud clunk of the four door latches filling the room. It did so again as I pushed down the handle, and breathed a sigh of relief as I found that it was unlocked. Pushing it open, I entered the room. The lights were cut out and the darkness engulfed me. My other senses strained to make up for the loss of my sight.
After a few seconds, I heard him, his tiny chest heaving in his slumber.
I stumbled around the tiny square room, running my hands clumsily along the wall until I found the light switch.
George was lying in the middle of the room. I hadn’t noticed when I rushed through the wardrobe, but the bottom draw from the large chest in the closet had been removed. It usually held my knitted jumpers, and now it held my baby.
I almost screamed with relief when I saw him lying there in his makeshift cot. Next to him was Ronald. I pulled him out as gently as I could but couldn’t help but squeeze him tightly.
‘Thank God, thank God’ I whispered, kneeling on the ground. ‘How did you get in here baby?’
George fussed in my arms, displeased to be woken up.
‘Where’s Daddy?’ I said trying to stay calm. ‘Where’s your silly daddy gone?’
Taking the room in, it revealed two phones, a radio transmitter, a box of emergency unperishable food, and a small portable toilet in the corner. But no William.
Taking George with me, I circled the apartment again, looking in every single room again for sign of him. I tried to convince myself that he’d just gone out for an emergency meeting or something, but the cold silence in our home told me different.
Returning to the panic room with a bottle of milk, some food and my phone, I decided we should stay in there until I decided what to do. After all, would it be overreacting to call the office, the protection officers even? He had only been gone a few hours at the most. I took Lupo with us too, who by that time, was just as awake as George, and I hoped that they would keep each other entertained while we waited for word from William.
George now fully alert and drinking his milk happily, climbed back into the drawer. If William were there, I knew he would’ve pushed George around in it, pretending it was a boat or a tank. I knelt beside him and noticed my hands trembling.
It was at that moment that I saw it, just as George joyfully threw Ronald from the drawer. Nestled between my knits; a note written haphazardly on a scrap piece of paper.
Don’t come looking. I’m sorry.
*
Jamie arrived within half an hour of my call; as if he was expecting it. With him were two of our new “advisers”. Steven, a tall lanky man in his early forties with sandy blonde hair and sharp features was calm and controlled. In comparison, the new press secretary, Alec, overweight and balding, had been loud and brash every time we’d had the misfortune to encounter him.
‘Ma’am’, they all said, Steven and Alec bowing their heads reluctantly.
‘What exactly happened Ma’am?’ Jamie said kindly, noticing my obvious distress to which the other two were oblivious.
I explained everything from start to finish, all the essential parts anyway. ‘There’s no reason that he would leave like this, something must’ve happened’ I said calmly as I could.
‘Let’s not go over the top here’ Alec said, his voice booming around the room, ‘there’s probably an explanation – have you tried calling him?’
‘Of course I have! He left his phone here’
‘With all due respect’ Steven said, chiming in, ‘it has only been a few hours, perhaps we should wait before jumping to conclusions’
‘I’m not jumping to anything; he would not leave us like this, not after yesterday’
‘And of course we’ll do our best to help’ Jamie said.
‘But we do have a lot on, you understand, we can’t go on a wild goose chase’ Alec looked pointedly at Jamie. ‘Tell me, where’s the little one?’
‘Asleep in the nursery’ I said cautiously. I didn’t like strangers getting too close to George, and as far as I was concerned, Steven and Alec were just that.
‘I believe the duke has been under a lot of pressure recently’ Steven said coldly, ‘perhaps his leaving has something to do with domestic matters?’
I grew hot with embarrassment and anger, ‘what are you insinuating?’
 ‘Did anything happen last night that might have encouraged him to leave?’
‘We had a tiny disagreement about not having any food in the house, but it was nothing’
‘Sometimes small arguments can cause people to re-evaluate things, especially with the big changes happening of late‘
‘My husband has not left me’ I said with a shaking confidence. ’Something has happened to him, besides he hasn’t taken a single thing with him’
Steven nodded patronisingly. ‘We’ll look into it’
‘Give it a few more days though’ Alec added.
I realised then that they were going to do nothing to help me find William. I looked to Jamie for back up.
‘I’ll be right behind you’ he said to the other two, who were making moves to leave.
‘We can wait’ Steven said, halting on the spot.
Jamie looked right at me, his eyes unwavering. It was as if he were trying to communicate something to me without words. ‘I’m sure he’s just fine, Ma’am’.
The following days were filled with anxious waiting and little to no sleep. It had been seventy two hours since William had disappeared and I hadn’t heard a thing. I had tried countless times to convince Jamie that we should call the police. 
At first he told me that we had to wait twenty four hours before reporting a missing person. When those twenty four hours came and I rushed down to his office to make the call, he was apologetic, telling me we should wait a bit longer.
On the third day, I was back in his office yet again.
‘The problem is Ma’am, he left a note, so he’s not technically missing’ he said, wiping his brow, the heat still searing.
‘He’s been gone three days Jamie. You know as well as I do, something isn’t right’
‘I’m afraid the police won’t see it like that, they’ll agree that he left of his own accord’.
Stephen appeared from the adjoining office after hearing my voice. I had managed to avoid him and Alec for the past three days.
‘Is there anything I can help with?’ he said, his voice sending uncomfortable waves of nausea through me.
‘Nothing’ I said shortly.
I glanced in the direction of his office, finding something to focus on that wasn’t his sharp, sly face. He stepped to one side as if to block the doorway from my view. Our old staff kept their doors open for us, happy for us to know what they were doing and discussing.
‘Where’s the little’un today?’ he asked with an informality that was clearly against every bone in his body.
‘He’s being looked after’
‘By whom may I ask? I didn’t see your mother arrive’
Stephen and Alec had CCTV monitors installed in that office. Ever since the protests outside the palace, the security had been intensified. George’s nanny had been let go too, we couldn’t let her stay with us in potential danger no matter how much George loved her. I wondered whether Stephen and Alec’s concern was not really about who was coming in, but who was going out.
‘George is fine. Thank you’ I said.
‘If you insist. Ma’am’ He nodded curtly and slid back into his office.
I bolted up the stairs the minute I left the office. How could I be so stupid to leave George with someone outside the family?
‘Antonella!’ I yelled when I got into the apartment. ‘Antonella, where are you?’
The comforting smell of tomato and basil wafted from the kitchen, followed by the shuffling feet of our some-time cook and housekeeper. Jamie had finally convinced Steven and Alec to let her return after weeks of her not being allowed “for security reasons”.
‘Yes Ma’am’ she said, her tone one of constant worry nowadays.
‘Where’s George?’ I said irrationally and out of breath.
‘In his cot Ma’am, where you left him’
Clearly, Antonella was confused by my sudden change of attitude. Ten minutes previously, I’d asked her to watch George while he was napping so I could speak to Jamie.
I ran into the nursery to check on him, where he was splayed on his front like a starfish, gentle snores escaping his mouth.
‘You should probably go’, I said to Antonella when I returned to the kitchen.
‘But what about the din-‘
‘I said go!’ I shouted this time, my steady façade gone.
She didn’t hesitate, gathering up her things and scuttling out of the door.
It was only when the door clicked shut that I let myself crumple into a heap on the floor. I gathered my knees to my chest and sobbed into them, great wells of tears that had been bursting at the seams for three days. I had no idea where William was and no hope of finding him. I had been convincing myself that he wouldn’t leave us, but spanning my mind back, my bitchiness over the food and his stress that night made me doubt myself. Maybe he just wanted out.
I picked myself up and tuned off the stove, where Antonella’s pasta sauce was close to burning. I couldn’t bear to eat anything now.
*
That night, I sat on my bedroom window ledge, unable to sleep. Scrolling through William’s phone for the fiftieth time, I flicked through his picture album. Before George was born, I would tease him for only having six pictures stored in his phone, compared to my two hundred. But now, his was as full as mine, with shots of George from the day he was born to just last week when he was trying to climb on top of Lupo.
I looked out into the black night, wondering how he could have left all this. I thought about where he might go to escape.
Scotland, Windsor? Too close.
Kenya? That was his favourite place on earth, after all. But people knew him there now.
William had once told me, ‘I’d love to move somewhere where I could lose my identity, to be small fish in a big pond, a nobody’.
I had just laughed at him and told him he’d have a hard job finding such a place.  
I shook away the thought of him being far from me and focused back on the night he left.
Did he leave through the front entrance, the darkness of Kensington Gardens engulfing him so he wasn’t seen? Or perhaps through the back, scurrying into a car while we were all asleep?
As if knowing which exit he used would help me find him, I chided myself.
I stopped my thoughts in their tracks. There was a way I could know how he left, of course there was.
I wrapped George in a blanket, careful not to wake him and tip toed out of the apartment. It was almost midnight and all the staff had gone home, at least I hoped.
As I unlocked the office door, I silently thanked Jamie for giving me a key when William and I had married. Those days of transparency were long gone now, I knew that much. I headed straight to Steven and Alec’s annexed office, where this morning, Steven had been so unwilling to let me see inside. Mercifully, it was unlocked.
Suspended on the wall was a plasma screen split into twelve, each showing a different entrance of the palace. Now, there was no movement, but I knew if I looked for the tape from the night William left, I may just have something to see. Swopping George to my other arm, I pulled open the heavy drawer of the filing cabinet under the screen and found rows of cds all neatly labelled with dates. William disappeared on the 12th and my heart pace increased and I spotted the July section.
10th, 11th,   13th.
George whined in my arms as if sensing my distress.
‘Shhh baby, shh, Mummy’s here’
I knew there was no point looking for the missing cd, it was gone, most likely destroyed. It only confirmed my belief that I was swimming against the tide. Not only were these new advisers reluctant to help me, they were actively hiding information.
‘Yes it’s getting in the morning edition’ a voice said, coming from nowhere and startling me. ‘Ha! Runaway Prince, I like it’
It was Alec, and by the sound of it, he was out in the corridor.
I panicked, ducking down under Steven’s desk. George didn’t like the sudden movement and let out a cry.
‘Shhhh!’ I said holding his head close to my chest, my heart beating like a drum.
Alec continued. ‘What? Yeh I told them she’s frantic, prissy little bi-‘
George cried, louder this time.
I crouched lower, ‘please baby, be quiet for Mummy’ I whispered desperately.
I heard the outer office door creak and after a long pause, his breathing low and heavy, he finally spoke again.
‘Oh nothing…just a cat outside. Anyway, make sure you get the message to Redfern tomorrow, we don’t want him staging a comeback…’
Alec’s voice trailed off as he shut the door and left. I breathed a sigh of relief, planting kisses all over George’s face for keeping quiet when he really needed to.
*
Back in the apartment, I paced the lushly carpeted floor. Who was Redfern and what did he need to know? I’d never heard of that name, and desperately wanted to call Jamie to ask him. But I now realised the lengths Steven and Alec were prepared to go, and couldn’t risk using my phone.
My eyes were tired, deep bags forming under them, but I couldn’t sleep. Out of desperation and insomnia, I fired up the laptop and typed ‘Redfern’ into Google. The first couple of results were meaningless; a publishing house and a photographer with the name.
But the third caught my eye.
Redfern, Iowa
I clicked on the link.
Redfern is a town is Iowa, United States. The population in the 2010 census was 104.
I looked up from the screen, not daring to believe it, or to let myself hope.
‘I’d love to move somewhere where I could lose my identity, to be small fish in a big pond, a nobody’.
*
The sun had broken by the time I had worked out a way to contact Jamie without using my phone, which William warned me could have been bugged. A niggling feeling warned me to be careful. Maybe I couldn’t trust him either. But he was my only hope of finding William.
I hunted around in my underwear drawer and eventually found what I was looking for. Tucked into one of my socks was my old mobile phone, a Nokia to be exact. It was the very same that had been hacked all those years back. William would’ve been mortified if he knew I still had it, with all those messages still stored on there. But I couldn’t let it go, it was a potent memory of the days when our communication consisted of love yous and miss yous, unlike the last text I sent to him, which simply said Don’t forget to ask about the food.
I prayed that after all these years the old thing would be able to switch on, let alone make a call. By the time the phone had woken up, I had finished packing mine and George’s bags. I had started as soon as I’d decided that Redfern was the place I needed to go. Our bags consisted of a few clothes, as much cash as I could find, toys – Ronald of course – but mainly were filled with food and water.
It was only 5am, and feeling bad for Jamie, I delayed calling him for fifteen minutes by looking at some old text messages from William.
09/05/2006 : I can’t wait to see you baby  
How true that was now. I felt a tinge of fear that maybe I was wrong, maybe Redfern was something totally unrelated to where William had gone. I pushed the doubt aside, it was all I had left to cling on to.
*
The car pulled up quietly at eight am. Jamie had been furtive on the phone, worried about my state of mind. But I insisted and pleaded with him, and something told me he didn’t think my idea was as crazy as he made out.
‘Ok Georgie, time to go’ I said to him as he sat on the kitchen floor rolling a ball into Lupo and then shouting as if he expected him to roll it back.
Distracting myself from the fact that I was leaving my home seemed so easy when I had packing and last minute calls to make. It seemed ironic that the same phone that was infiltrated was now being used to avoid that very situation. I had explained to my family what was happening but declined to tell them where I was going. My mother was frantic.
‘Catherine, you can’t just disappear! How will we know you’re safe?!’
‘I’ll get in touch as soon as I can, I promise mummy’
It broke my heart to hear her so worried and upset, but I reasoned that if would be safer for them to not know where we were. I still didn’t know what I was up against. Harry hadn’t answered his phone but Jamie had promised to let him know where his brother was once we knew for sure.
Lupo sat solemnly on the kitchen floor as if he had heard me ask my mother to take him in. 
‘Ok boy, time to say goodbye’ I nuzzled my face into his fur but he didn’t respond. ‘Say bye bye to Lupo, George’
George waddled over and imitated me by patting him on the head. I forced back the lump in my throat. 
Carrying all three bags and George on my hip, I opened the door and looked around our home for one last time. Lupo trotted up to us and started scratching at my legs.
‘No boy, it’s just me and Georgie this time’ I pushed him down and said goodbye to him and to the life we once lived.
 *
After creeping through the servant’s corridors and out of a side door, George and I bundled into the car that was waiting for us. On the seat next to me was not Jamie as I expected, however.
‘Susannah, what are you doing here? Where’s Jamie?’ I asked, strapping George into his seat.
‘We thought it’d be safer if I came, I pretended I was going out for a morning jog and met the car on a side street’ she said.
Jamie’s wife sat next to me, a worried expression on her face.
‘You think you’re being watched?’ I asked.
‘Jamie thinks so, these ex-military types are suspicious of everyone though’, she let out a wry laugh.
‘I know the feeling’ I said, thinking of William and his intense dislike of Steven and Alec. That time he was right. 
As we set off, I tried to make conversation, ‘how did Jamie organise all this? I thought the whole palace was being watched’
‘Let’s just say there’s still some loyal people working for your family’ she smiled.
We made our way through the streets of London, I had no idea where the plane was that I’d be taking to Iowa or how Jamie managed to get it, but I didn’t ask. I was relieved enough to be away from Kensington. 
Driving around Green Park, Susannah handed me a newspaper she’d been clutching.
‘I don’t know if you’ve seen this Ma’am’
I unfolded the paper and read the headline. Exclusive! Runaway Prince! Prince William walks out on Kate.
I shut it with haste. So this was what Alec was talking about last night.
I said nothing and focused instead on our journey. The drive seemed to be taking us down the Mall and towards Buckingham Palace. As we got closer, a strange noise caught our attention. It was a mass cheering of some sort, but not the type I was used to when standing from that famous balcony. It was more like jeering. 
Getting closer to the palace, my eyes connected to the sound. 
Up on that balcony, which had been used for so many scenes of celebration was a large group of people waving their arms in victory.
Replacing the red and gold trimmed banner so often used on big occasions was something very different hanging from the the balustrade.
Blue, with a shocking pink cross struck through the middle. The Republic.
‘Good God, they’ve taken the palace’ Susannah gasped. 
From the windows of the palace, Republic flags were dotted around, flying proudly. 
On the ground, gone were the uniformed guards in their famous bearskin hats. People stood behind the golden gates cheering and shouting, and on the other side, members of the Republic pulled at the chains to let the masses in. News vans were just arriving to the scene.
We watched as the flag rose from the top of the building, where the royal standard used to fly, signifying their final victory.
‘We have to turn around, go a different route’ I heard Susannah say to the driver in panic ‘if they spot Their Royal Hignesses…’
‘Don’t call us that’ I said blankly.
Susannah looked at me but said nothing.
I kept my eves on the palace even as the driver turned the car around. Although I had only been royal for three years, the pain of watching the palace being seized throbbed through me. It was where we’d spent our first day and night as a married couple, where we’d danced all night on the wave of love and affection of the country. And now they celebrated, and no-one; no police, not even Her Majesty’s Armed Forces were there to stop them. 
‘It’s over, isn’t it?’ I whispered to no-one in particular.
George let out a long yawn, snapping me out of my daze. I turned to smile at him, he was looking out of the window, with not a care in the world. He was the spitting image of his father. It was then that I finally allowed to let myself think the unthinkable – what if we never found William, what if he was gone.
I held George’s hand, enclosing his chubby fingers in my palm as we escaped from the city.
It was just the two of us now, we were going to have to do this alone. 
‘Come on then’ I said, leaning in to him, ‘let’s go find your daddy’.
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maculategiraffe · 5 years
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won’t you meet me at the gates to the garden
Little snippet: Nora and the gang, at the Castle, Halloween night. ~1500 words, and a lot of that is quotes from The Canterville Ghost. 
Happy Halloween, my darlings.
They can’t celebrate Halloween the way she remembers it, back in Sanctuary Hills, or before that, when she was a kid.  Dressing up in fancy store-bought costumes, based on TV and movie and radio superheroes: Grognak, the Silver Shroud, Mistress of Mystery.  Nora remembers going as a cat, a cowgirl, a witch, a hippie in thrift-store bell-bottom jeans and a peace sign painted on her cheek.  More nervous than excited, holding out a pillowcase or a pail for a neighbor to drop something into.  
She didn’t like how you weren’t supposed to say please.  Trick or treat, as if you might do something bad to people who didn’t placate you with candy.  She didn’t like that idea as a kid.  Still doesn’t.
Now Shaun’s the only kid around of trick-or-treating age, and he’s not the type to enjoy filling a sack with sugary treats at others’ expense, anyway.  He’d rather run around distributing any available treats to his brothers and sisters, and the other settlers at the Castle.
He’s enough like Nora that he doesn’t much like the idea of disguises, either.  Monsters are too real, these days, to take pleasure in the dressing-up of someone dear and familiar as someone, or something, less so.  
And the dead are-- well, Nora doesn't believe in ghosts, not that way, not seasonally.  If Nate can be here with her, and if there isn't a good reason why he shouldn't be, then he's here a lot more often than once a year.  
(She hopes he isn't.  She hopes he's with Shaun-- their first Shaun-- in heaven.  He believed in heaven, completely.  She's about fifty-fifty.  But if there is one, Nate's definitely there, and she can't imagine whoever's in charge wouldn't let him have his son with him.)
This time of year, she thinks more about the war, the bombs falling.  Ghosts, kind of, but not the fun, spooky kind.
But this year they’ve carved jack-o-lanterns, out of gourds and winter melons, scooping out the seeds to roast with a little salt and a little oil, carving cheerful, jagged-toothed moon faces and setting candles inside.  She was just going to show Shaun how, but then everyone else wanted to join in too.  After tonight-- after a night of bright faces all over the courtyard, grinning and spilling light-- she'll gather the gourds and melons and cook them, so the meat of them doesn't go to waste.  
It's Dee's turn to read aloud tonight, and he’s picked Oscar Wilde's "The Canterville Ghost.”  He’s reading outside instead of in the library, so they can all enjoy the jack-o-lanterns, for the little time they last.  The night's cool, but not cold; her kids curl against each other, for warmth and for love.  Shaun sits in her lap. Hancock's arm rests on her shoulders.  A real lantern, not a jack-o- one, lights the page, and Dee's face, in that spooky, atmospheric campfire way.  Dee has such a great voice for reading.  It's low and gravelly and dramatic as he reads,
"Right in front of him he saw, in the wan moonlight, an old man of terrible aspect. His eyes were as red burning coals; long grey hair fell over his shoulders in matted coils; his garments, which were of antique cut, were soiled and ragged, and from his wrists and ankles hung heavy manacles and rusty gyves.
"'My dear sir,' said Mr. Otis"-- Dee's voice switches registers, turns prim and nasal, so that everyone's laughing even before he goes on-- "'I really must insist on your oiling those chains, and have brought you for that purpose a small bottle of Tammany Rising Sun Lubricator. It is said to be completely efficacious upon one application, and there are several testimonials to that effect on the wrapper. I shall leave it here for you by the bedroom candles, and will be happy to supply you with more, should you require it.'"
Dee switches back to the dramatic voice to continue, "For a moment the Canterville ghost stood quite motionless in natural indignation; then, dashing the bottle violently upon the polished floor, he fled down the corridor, uttering hollow groans, and emitting a ghastly green light. Just, however, as he reached the top of the great oak staircase, a door was flung open, two little white-robed figures appeared, and a large pillow whizzed past his head! There was evidently no time to be lost, so, hastily adopting the Fourth dimension of Space as a means of escape, he vanished through the wainscoting, leaned up against a moonbeam to recover his breath, and began to try and realize his position. Never, in a brilliant and uninterrupted career of three hundred years, had he been so grossly insulted."
Shaun is having a fit of the giggles in her lap, struggling to breathe.  Everyone's laughing, as Dee keeps reading, about the family that just refuses to be scared.
"He laughed his most horrible laugh," Dee reads, "till the old vaulted roof rang and rang again, but hardly had the fearful echo died away when a door opened, and Mrs. Otis came out in a light blue dressing-gown. 'I am afraid you are far from well,' she said, 'and have brought you a bottle of Doctor Dobell's tincture. If it is indigestion, you will find it a most excellent remedy.''
"Oh my God," says Victoria, laughing.  "It's Mom!"
Even Dee cracks up at that, and loses his place for a second.  Nora laughs, breathless with happiness, with her family around her, in the darkness that makes the flickering golden light so incredibly lovely.
The story takes a sadder, sweeter turn towards the end, when the daughter of the family befriends the ghost.  Dee's voice goes soft, gentle, when he does her voice: 
"'I am so sorry for you,' she said, 'but my brothers are going back to Eton to-morrow, and then, if you behave yourself, no one will annoy you.'
"'It is absurd asking me to behave myself,' he answered, looking round in astonishment at the pretty little girl who had ventured to address him, 'quite absurd. I must rattle my chains, and groan through keyholes, and walk about at night, if that is what you mean. It is my only reason for existing.'
"'It is no reason at all for existing, and you know you have been very wicked.'"
"That sounds like Emily," says Michael, and everyone laughs again, and the story stays funny for a bit, until Dee's voice, his gruff rusty ghost-voice, changes:
"Far away beyond the pine-woods, there is a little garden. There the grass grows long and deep, there are the great white stars of the hemlock flower, there the nightingale sings all night long. All night long he sings, and the cold crystal moon looks down, and the yew-tree spreads out its giant arms over the sleepers.
"Virginia's eyes grew dim with tears, and she hid her face in her hands.
"'You mean the Garden of Death,' she whispered.
"'Yes, death. Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace. You can help me. You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death is.'"
Nora's eyes are stinging, now.  It's Dee's voice, the tenderness and the pain in it, the yearning.  
He reads on, and little Virginia bravely helps the wicked old ghost be laid to rest, and everyone lives-- or dies-- happily ever after, and everyone is quiet for a bit.  Shaun's asleep, slumped on Nora's arm and chest.
Nora's heart is full, overflowing.  He made me see what Life is, and what Death signifies, and why Love is stronger than both.
Max says, "Good stuff.  Good pick, Dee."
Dee shuts the book, as everyone murmurs agreement, and says, "Thanks.  I thought, you know-- I kinda forgot about all that heavy stuff, there at the end."
Cog says, "It was funny.  It was good."
"Thank you, Dee," says Danse gravely.  
Dee waves them off.  "Yeah, OK.  Bedtime.  For people that sleep.  Look, 2.0's already out."
The night rustles and creaks with everyone's rising, flashes as they move through light and dark.  
Nora stays still the longest, Shaun breathing in her lap.  Wondering, or imagining.
She isn’t afraid.  If they're here, the beloved dead, called by her longing, or by the thinness of the veil tonight, then they belong here, just outside this circle, making the dark gentle for the living.
And if they're not-- 
(Emily’s voice, remembered: Sleep is a sweetness, so I hear it said.)
Someday she'll be with them, wherever they are.
But no hurry.
"Here, ma'am," says Michael, reaching down.  "I'll carry Shaun to bed."
She shifts, lifts her smallest son towards her tallest, feels her husband's hand on her back, as Michael lifts Shaun's sleepy weight from her, as she begins to rise.
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xcamay · 7 years
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Special edition! #1 - Kisses. (1/?)
Hi everyone! :3 Let me present you a bunch of ficlets related to my new AU, Aqours as parents! [others are coming soon ...]
(I forgot to mention that in this AU just like almost all my other AUs and fics, two girls can have a baby together, just like a boy and girl can have one. Because .. It's magic! And it's pure love! I hope it doesn't bother anyone btw...)
Neck kiss. [→ NSFW] Thursday, January 1st 2026
Mari took up the challenge for New Year's Day, again, promising her old friends that the party was going to be wild and shiny. And, for the tenth time Aqours decided to celebrate New Year together, as a group and as best friends, Mari did succeed : the evening was wild and shiny. The music was great and rousing ; the buffet was incredible, some dishes were even new for most of them and exotic ; and Aqours was still as lively as ever, which resulted in so many fits of laughter, in dance challenges and in never-ending conversations. As usual, they spent an amazing evening, and each committed couple came back home around 4AM.
But the night is still young, and dawn is not ready to rear its head.
"Y-You-chan ..." Riko murmurs, her hands lost in her wife's already disheveled hair.
You lightly hums in return, her mouth clamped around Riko's hardened nipple, as she lets her tongue roam all over it, causing the musician to suck in a sharp breath. Electric waves flow through Riko's entire body, making her shiver. It is all because of this expert tongue, but also because of this knee placed between her legs, which is tirelessly rubbing this specific spot ... And it is driving her crazy.
"You-chan," Riko huskily calls -and she smiles when You finally raises her head, with that small angelic grin of hers.
"What is it? Did I do something wrong?"
"No." The red haired woman shakes her head, her left hand now placed on You's cheek -and another smile paints her lips when she instantly spots her wedding ring. "I ... I just want you to kiss me."
A soft chuckle escapes You's lips at this, but she doesn't have to hear it twice. As she lowers her head and brushes her lips against Riko's, she whispers, "Needy tonight, aren't you?"
"Hush," Riko quickly retorts, her back arching ever so slightly as You presses her knee even more between her legs.
Riko muffles a gasp as she traps You's lips with her own, finally obtaining the kiss she was craving. Their smiles instantly grow wider, and their tongues soon brush each other, performing a sensual dance. The fiery kiss lasts for a few long seconds and, as You reluctantly breaks it and starts sitting up straight, Riko lets out a whine, her hands quickly grabbing her wife's shoulders.
"No ... Stay."
"I'm not going anywhere, Riko-chan you silly," You gently laughs, planting a quick peck on her lips. "I just want to take off–" her hands hurriedly grab her panties, and she tosses them aside "–that."
That. The last article of clothing which was just waiting for that ; being carelessly thrown onto the floor.
"You-chan ..." Riko shakily breathes. She instinctively tilts her head on the side the moment You attacks her neck, her hot breaths tickling her at first.
"Riko-chan–" You kisses her pulsating point "–we're going to have this baby–" she plants a few other kisses after gently nipping at some spots, as if she was healing them "– I promise."
In the meantime, one of You's hands has found its way between Riko's legs, causing the pianist's muscles to tense up and her back to arch. She whispers her lover's name, one hand clawing at the back of You's head, as she feels the beginning of a smile against the sensitive skin in her neck. It is when You slips two fingers inside her that her mind goes blank, and Riko instantly gives in to the carnal pleasure.
Happy kiss. Wednesday, July 8th 2026
"Oh my," Shima said, the palm of her hand resting on her cheek, pensive, "It does sound like implantation bleeding."
"Implantation ... Bleeding?" Chika repeated, puzzled.
"Yes. It's part of the early signs of pregnancy, but it's less common than nauseas or tiredness."
"Ohoh," Mito piped in, a teasing smirk paiting her lips. "It seems like Baka Chika did a lot of unprotected hanky-pankies with Kanan~"
"S-stop that!" Chika furiously blushed, pushing one of her big sisters' face away. "I'm sure it's because I'm going to have my period!"
"But you did say that it stopped the day after, and that it was a light bleeding," Shima remarked, her finger tapping her chin. "How many days have passed since you lightly bled?"
"A week ..."
"Don't you think you should have had your period now, after one week?"
Chika never replied to her sister, as she was already running for the nearest supermarket, totally freaked out.
"This is nonsense ..." Chika mutters as she puts her shorts back on, not even thinking of pulling up the zipper.
The young woman grabs the rim of the washstand, shoots a glance at her reflection in the mirror, and deeply sighs. She waits a little bit, swinging on her feet, before looking at the watch. They said to wait a few minutes before checking the result ...
"It's been more than two minutes, I can check, can't I?" She muses, before extending a shaky hand toward the item she'd turned upside down a few minutes ago.
Not even a second after, Kanan jumps with surprise as her ginger haired lover darts into the living room, a deep scowl on her face. Chika looks dreadfully mad, and it is certainly the first time that Kanan cowers in front of her.
"Um, sweetheart, you–"
"IT'S WRONG!" Chika suddenly screams, making Kanan flinch. "GET ME ANOTHER ONE!"
"What–"
Kanan can't say anything else, freezing the moment Chika throws a pinkish stick right in her face.
"GET ME ANOTHER ONE KANAN-CHAN!" she demands once again, stomping her foot onto the floor.
Kanan rubs her forehead, lightly groaning, and takes a look at the stick. She raises an eyebrow before her amethyst eyes land on the girl in front of her. "Chika, this pregnancy test ... It's positive, isn't it?"
"GO BUY ME OTHER ONES!"
"Ok ok," Kanan quickly says as she hurriedly reaches the front door, grabbing her dark blue purse at the same time. "I'm going!"
Once her blue haired lover has left, Chika returns to the bathroom, her heart thundering. She turns the water on, deeply inhales, and splashes her face with cold water.
"It can't be ..."
She soon gets lost in her thoughts, still shaken up by the recent news, her mind filled with what could happen if she really is pregnant ; yes, what could happen. What it implies, too. The impact it's going to have on her finances, on her life in general ... But also on her life with Kanan.
If she really is pregnant, it means that there will be a little human growing up in their own cosy nest, a bundle of joy relying on Kanan and her all the time. It means cries in the middle of the night the first few months and toys and diapers everywhere. It means spitting up and drool on her clothes all the time, and boo boos, and spikes of fever when it's time for teething. It means that they have to entirely secure the house. It means fright each time he or she will approach the oven or the gas stove ; when he or she will run everywhere and brush past pots, curtains, furniture ; when he or she will try to go up or down the stairs ...
But if she really is pregnant, it also means other things. It means ... It means that Kanan and her will be here for all their little bundle of joy's first times. His or her first smile. His or her first peal of laughter. His or her first words. His or her first steps. It also means that they will be proud to introduce their newborn to the world ; that they will be proud each time someone will say "Oh, look at this adorable sweetheart!" or "This baby is so cute!" ; that they will be proud of the apple of their eye, in general. It means hugs and cuddles, whether it be in the morning or before going to bed, or once Kanan or Chika herself has picked him or her up from the daycare center. It means sweet and warm and reassuring kisses, to say hello or goodbye or goodnight, or after baby has been scared by something or got hurt. It means encouragements each time he or she is about to do something great for the first time in his or her entire life, but also laughters after some tickle attacks or funny things babies can do without even wanting it ... And it means bedtime stories, and funny games, and new discoveries, and–
"Chika?" Kanan's voice suddenly snaps the ginger out of her reverie, and the latter quickly opens the door, finding herself face to face with the blue haired girl and two rectangular boxes. "I took these, I hope it's ok–"
"It is!" Chika hurriedly grabs them, before slamming the door in Kanan's face, who only blinks twice.
"Alright ..."
And Kanan can do nothing except wait for Chika to use the pregnancy tests again. She doesn't even think of cooking or watching TV to pass the time, and just impatiently taps her foot on the floor, her arms crossed above her chest. After less than ten agonizing minutes, Kanan's head perks up as she hears a few shaky and shuddering breaths coming from behind the door. She instantly knocks on it, calling her name, worried.
"K-Kanan-chan ..." Chika finally opens the door, and Kanan sucks in a surprised breath when she notices that her crimson eyes are glistening with tears.
"Chika– oof!"
And, as Chika tackles her lover into a bear-crushing hug, she ecstatically yells, "I'm pregnant!"
She starts laughing and grabs Kanan's hands, tightly, making the two of them spin in the corridor. "I'm pregnant Kanan-chan, I'm pregnant~" she singsongs, before crashing her lips onto Kanan's, happily.
Kanan wraps her arms around the future mother's waist, bringing her closer, pressing their lips together even more. Chika is still giggling against her mouth, almost breathlessly, and Kanan can swear that she has never seen the bubbly girl as happy as that.
"Chika ..." She tenderly smiles, her thumb stroking the ginger's cheek.
"We're going to have a baby, Kanan-chan!"
As an answer, Kanan only tightens her grip around Chika and showers her face and neck with soft, messy and quick kisses. The latter bursts into laughter, but still hugs Kanan back, not even trying to get away from this vicious embrace.
"Kanan-chan, stop that~"
And she does, giving Chika's lips one last, loving kiss.
"You scared me for a moment, though," she says when their lips slightly part. Chika's ruby eyes slowly flutter open at this, curiosity veiling them. "I thought you didn't want to be pregnant."
Chika sheepishly chuckles, scratching the back of her neck. "You know that I'm sometimes bad at dealing with sudden and big news like that ... I wasn't expecting it and I freaked out for a moment, it seems so crazy after all Kanan-chan! I have a baby inside me, no wait– I have our baby inside me, it's just–"
"I love you," Kanan interrupts her, brushing her bangs aside and planting a new kiss on Chika's soft skin.
"We should tell the others!" Chika excitedly squeals. "We have to call You-chan and Riko-chan, and Mari-chan, and–"
"Wait, Chika." Kanan is quick to detain her dynamic girlfriend by the hand, drawing her closer again. "We should wait a little bit, for Dia and Mari at least."
"What, why? They're your best friends, they're going to be our baby's aunties, they have to know!"
"Chika." Kanan rests her hands on her shoulders, as if to hold her in place. "I know that, and I really want Dia and Mari to know about all this but ... They've been trying for years now."
"Oh ... Right ..." Chika's smile wavers and drops as she remembers this small detail.
"Let's just wait a little bit before announcing it," Kanan pulls Chika into a hug, one hand instinctively slipping under the ginger haired girl's tank top and resting on her lower abdomen. "We'll go see the doctor this weekend to see for how long you've been pregnant first, mh?"
Chika eagerly nods her head, arms wrapped around her amethyst eyed lover.
"We're going to be two incredible Mamas, Kanan-chan!~"
Belly kiss. Sunday, February 21st 2027
"Riko-chan, I found it!"
Riko looks up from the book she was reading the moment You's cheerful voice fills the living room. She slowly closes it and wedges it between the two big cushions she's resting against, before smiling when her ashen haired wife plops down next to her, with another book. It is a pinkish one this time, with the big title writing in a girly manner : 'A sweet name for the sweetest baby girl'. As Riko briefly reads that, she lets one hand draw circles on her rounded belly.
"Where was it?" She curiously asks, her head soon finding refuge on You's shoulder as the latter sluches into the cushions.
"At the back of my nightstand. I forgot I put it here last time," You sheepishly laughs, before resting her head against Riko's, opening the book right on the contents page. "So ... They sorted the names per category, uh ..." She glances at her wife's beautiful tummy, extending her hand and tickling its side. "Wakey wakey, Tootsie~ Mommy and Mama want you to hear your future name–"
"If we find it," Riko butts in, her fingertips turning around her belly button.
"We'll find it, Riko-chan!" You widely beams at her wife, before exclaiming, "Oh, she's waking up!"
"I know." A tender smile graces Riko's features as she feels their little girl slowly moving inside her.
Soon, a small lump forms under Riko's fingers, before it moves toward the spot that You is currently tickling.
"Good afternoon, sleepyhead," You greets their unborn baby girl, leaning over and rubbing her nose on the bump. "Mommy and I are about to give you the best name ever, so you better hear that! The best name for the best little girl ever~"
She places another kiss on Riko's beautifully swollen belly, right before the latter's fond amber eyes. It takes them almost ten minutes to stop babbling and cooing to their sweetheart, finally paying attention to the book again. They both skim the first pages, returning to their previous position with Riko's head resting on her wife's shoulder.
"Mmh," You slowly hums as she places one foot on the coffee table, cracking her ankle, "Oh, here. What about Haruka, Riko-chan?"
The answer is almost immediate :
"Too common."
You glances at her lover, surprised, but keeps reading the page nonetheless. "Alright ... What about Sakura, then? That's a sweet name."
Riko shuffles even closer, the side of her tummy gently colliding with You's hip. "It's sweet, yes, but it's just like Haruka, too common. We see and hear it everywhere, You-chan ... I don't want my daughter to have the same name as four of her future classmates."
"You have a point, Riko-chan."
The names come one after another, and the swimmer ends up sighing each time.
"What about Asa?"
"What the heck, isn't it an old name?"
"I guess that's a no. What about Shiko?"
"I don't like it."
"Mh ... And Kanta?"
"I've never heard of this name."
"... And?"
"No."
"... ... Ok ... And, oh, look! It's cute! What about this one?"
"Ucchi? No."
"Mou, Riko-chan, you're picky!"
"You-chan, we're about to choose the name of our baby. It's really important." Riko's amber eyes are deadly serious as she says that. "She's going to have it from beginning to end. We're going to call her like that all the time, during her entire life, just like her friends and her lover. And her teachers, too. Her friends are going to give her nicknames related to her name, and all. It's ... It's vital. We have to give her the best name ever."
"I know th–"
"So no," Riko goes on, "I don't want her to be called Sakura or Ai or Mei or Yui, because those are names which are too common. I don't want an old name like Kogō for our daughter either."
"I got it, I got it. You want the perfect name. And I want that too!" You smiles and nuzzles her lover's crimson hair, before placing a soft kiss on the same spot. "Then, what if you look at the book and pick the ones you like?"
Riko only hums, gently taking the book from her lover's hands and using the curve of her belly as a support. She turns the page, silently reading the names and then their description, origin and meaning -if they interest her. You's smile never leaves her face as she stares fondly at the pregnant woman next to her, and it even grows wider each time she notices the cute crease between Riko's eyebrows each time she unconsciously frowns. When she reads, Riko's face always ends up being very expressive : either she presses her lips hard or bites them, or she raises an eyebrow in surprise or frowns and shakes her head when she's not fine with whatever is happening in the book, or she wrinkles her nose or, on the contrary, a small but adorable smile paints her lips, ...
It's like Riko is reading her the entire story, without saying anything.
And it never fails to make You lovingly grin. She got to know all this after so many calm nights spent together, in their comfy bed. Riko has always loved reading, and she often does so before going to bed, when the two of them don't feel too sleepy, or when they're not tangled in the sheets in one of the most passionate embraces ever.
"... -chan? You-chan?"
You blinks several times as she hears her name, her sapphire eyes landing on Riko's curious amber ones.
"Ah, sorry sorry, I was lost in my thoughts!"
"I saw that." A gentle smile finds its way on Riko's lips, before she glances at the book still resting on her belly. "I was saying, what about Risa? I like this name."
You seems to ponder this for a few seconds, but shakes her head, which makes Riko pout. "No ... It's one of my cousins' name."
"Oh, right. Then, um ... Shiki?" Riko looks at You, before they both shake their head at the same time. "It sounds too childish."
"Yeah. Another one?"
The dark crimson haired musician hums lightly again, swiftly turning a page.
"Oh! Suzuko, I like it!"
You raises an eyebrow. "Not me."
Riko slides a frustrated hand through her long strands, heaving a sigh, "It's going to be too complicated, we're not on the same wavelength."
"Hey, don't say that! We'll be when we find the perfect name!"
"Why did Chika-chan and Kanan-san choose Anju first, it's such a cute name," Riko growls as she leans her head back on the big cushion behind her. "We'll ask them for advice if we're too desperate ..."
You takes advantage of this new position and shuffles closer, tucking her head into the angle of her wife's neck. She chuckles and nods, before lazily pointing at the last name on this page.
"Rio ..." She half-reads, half-yawns, before placing a hand in front of her mouth. "Wait."
She shifts her position again, finally sitting up, and the two lovebirds share a glance, before uttering the same syllable at the same time :
"No."
You laughs as she adds, "It sounds too much like Riko!"
A chuckle leaves Riko's mouth as she closes the book, throwing it onto the coffee table. She then stretches and whines a little, hands placed on her belly, "Oh my baby girl, we're not ready to find you a name!"
"Daijobu." You nuzzles Riko's cheek before leaning toward the round tummy, her lips already on the tight skin. "Have a good nap, dear princess. Mama is going to make Mommy relax a little, so she won't be too worried about all this name thing!"
Overjoyed kiss. Thursday, February 25th 2027
After stirring the breaded chicken, the dashi, the mirin, the onions and even the soy sauce in the wok, Mari brings the wooden spoon to her lips and tastes the still-stewing dish. She hums, unconsciously moving her head and tapping her foot on the white tiles, as her small purple speaker blasts the first notes of one of her favorite metal songs in the kitchen.
"Now, the eggs," she mutters to herself, grabbing the bowl with the two beaten eggs in it.
She pours them in the wok, stirring again, before a buzzing sound catches her attention. She looks at her phone, the screen displaying a new text -and a smile automatically brightens her face.
'I made a quick detour, I'm sorry, but I'll be here soon.'
Mari grins as she types back, 'No need to worry hon~ I'm waiting for you~', before sending it. She then takes the speaker, waits for the song to finish -it's one of her favorites, after all!- and turns it off. She knows it's going to both annoy and weary her soon-to-be-wife if she comes back home and is only greeted by one of those 'aggressive things'. She chuckles as she remembers that ; Dia used to describe Mari's fave songs like that a lot during college, when she was unexpectedly dropping by her place. It only became worst when they moved in together -much to Mari's amusement, as Dia always makes this cute surly and snobbish expression each time she hears metal tunes.
The young woman's ears perk up when she hears the door open, and her smile instantly widens.
"Dia~," she squeals, rushing into the corridor and instantly throwing herself into Dia's arms, nuzzling her chest -a bad habit of hers. "You're here, darling!"
"Mari, not now," Dia says through gritted teeth, pushing on the blonde's shoulders to push her away.
"Eh?" Mari blinks as she straightens up, completely astounded by this reaction. "What's wrong?"
But Dia has already slammed and locked the restroom door, leaving a stunned Mari in the corridor. Alright, Dia does not like when her girlfriend shows up out of the blue and pulls her into a tight hug only to bury her face into her chest. Mari knows that. But Dia has never -never- repulsed her like that. Not even when she felt too sick or when she really wanted to go to the bathroom after a long day at work ... Something is wrong, definitely.
"Dia?" Mari hesitantly approaches the door, placing a hand on it as if it was Dia's arm or face. She even glues her ear against it, trying to hear if Dia is sobbing ...
But she flinches and steps back when Dia roars, "Leave me alone! I need to do something!"
"Uh ... Do you feel ill?"
"Mari."
Dia's voice sounds so pleading that Mari doesn't have any other choice and obliges.
"Fine. But call me if you need anything, alright?"
Hearing a muffled 'yes', Mari nods -even if Dia can't see it- and returns to the kitchen, keeping a close eye on the katsudon in preparation. She instinctively grabs the wooden spoon from earlier and fiddles with it, worry starting to gnaw at her. Dia isn't fine. The only times she acted so distant were when they were t–
No.
Dia promised her she would stop thinking about that ; and Mari promised the same thing in return.
She heaves a deep sigh and looks at the utensil in her hands, almost indifferently. No, she is mostly lost in her thoughts and–
"MARI!" Dia's screeching voice snaps her out of her reverie. "MARI!"
Aside from being screeching, Dia's voice sounds strangled, filled with tears and sobs, which makes Mari run to the restroom without even thinking first. She is about to force the door open, too worried, but Dia unlocks it, causing her to freeze for a split second. It's not only the surprise of the door opening before she can do something that strikes her ... But the tears flowing on her fiancée's face.
"Dia ..." Mari's hands automatically cup the brunette's cheeks, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. Her voice drops in a whisper, "What's wrong, did something–"
"Mari," she interrupts her, choking on another sob while leaning in Mari's frail -almost shaky- touch. "I ... I-I'm pregnant ..."
Everything around Mari seems to stand still for a few seconds as she proceeds the information. She can only hear her heart thumping in her chest, resonating in her entire body, while her mind keeps repeating Dia's words. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Some simple words, but with a strong meaning behind. It is even more intense for the two of them, Mari thinks, as they suggested having a baby two years ago.
... Two years ago.
"M-Mari ..." Dia amost whimpers, not expecting Mari to be as silent as that. "Please–" the imploring tone makes Mari blink "–please Mari, say something ... We've been waiting for this to happen for so long ..."
It was so sudden, impromptu, and even unforeseeable -because yes, Mari pushed aside the idea of having a baby a few months ago- that she doesn't know how to properly react. After all ... She gave up. As much as she hated that, she gave up on having a baby with the love of her life -because it was impossible ; Dia wasn't supposed to become pregnant ... not after all those unsuccessful attempts, not after all those tears and screams and fights. At a loss for words, the blonde only tries to blink her forming tears away, before pulling Dia into a strong embrace. She tucks her chin on the top of Dia's head, hugging her even tighter, as the brunette bursts into tears.
It is the second time in her entire life that someone (Dia) has rendered her speechless. The first time was ... In her spacious king-sized bed, in the huge room her father saved for her in his brand new resort hotel in Uchiura. Dia was naked, right under her, her dark and silky hair spread out all over the comfy pillows. On that night, the Kurosawa heiress was beautiful -and she was Mari's, and only Mari's.
This is the second time Dia has shut her up. And it's one of the first few times Mari's tears are freely and endlessly flowing. Tears of relief ... But tears of happiness mostly.
"I-is ... ... F-for real ...?" Mari shakily breathes in Dia's hair, one of her hands bringing the latter even closer while the other tenderly strokes these dark locks.
Dia wordlessly nods her head, giving a quick sniffle before raising her head. Watery turquoise eyes land on golden ones and, as she grips her future wife's shirt, Dia flutters them close.
No words need to be said, and Mari mimics her, before locking their lips in a gentle kiss ... Which quickly escalates, soft breaths and sighs blending together.
"I think we deserve a chocolate pudding tonight," the blonde murmurs against her lover's lips, their eyes slowly opening.
Dia's smile has never been so blinding and enthralling to Mari's eyes, and the latter can't help but capture these beaming lips again, with more fervor.
Happy belated birthday to Chika (with this happy event) and Honoka! Even if our hyperactive ginger baby isn’t here ... For now. c: (Just a last message to tell you that I certainly won’t post anything before September, I’m going to be busy in August but I’ll do my best to write as much as I can in the evenings and maybe when my nephew is napping!)
See you, guys~ I hope you liked those ficlets!
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rafespeaks · 7 years
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ANYWAY RANDOM HEADCANONS B/C NO ONE ELSE IS ONLINE TONIGHT
< > - means my gf @turbomun typed it
Hau
Imagine bby Hau when his dad first left. Imagine how confused & devastated he must've been. Imagine him sending letter after letter with his mom's help but only getting a few back. Imagine one day the return letters just... stop. Imagine Hau and his mom continuing to write letters until they start coming back as 'return to sender'. Imagine Hau not fully understanding why and continuing to write letters anyway, but just not sending them. Imagine him finally old enough to understand, but he keeps on writing them anyway, just because it's a little therapeutic and it's become a habit by now anyway. < Eventually he just stops sending them and keeps them in a box. He decides to give them to his dad if he ever sees him again. >
I've been thinking about how Hau may have met Nalani over the past few days, and what the circumstances might've been for Hala yelling in front of him, and just general bby Hau stuff. And I came up with some loose headcanons concerning that stuff. Hau used to go out and play with the Pichu around Iki Town all the time, and there was one that always seemed to love hanging around him no matter what, and it just... followed him home one day. Hala never liked Hau going to play with the Pichu because not every wild Pokemon is so friendly. He always lectured Hau about the dangers, especially of overaggressive Pokemon like you see charging at you in the grass and from bushes and shaking trees. Hau never really got it though - he was too young and all the Pokemon he'd met so far were friendly! This led to him getting too close to Hala's Tauros when it was worked up one day. It could've killed him and Hala was so scared for him and angry at his disobedience that he ended up shouting. This resulted in Hau being afraid of pissing off not only Hala but ANY kahuna. This is also why he says he couldn't ride a Tauros once Tauros is registered in your Ride Pager, though he's confident enough by the end of the game to learn to ride from Hala (as seen in the credits picture). (Typed on Feb. 11)
Some Hau headcanons no one asked for: He is gender fluid, tho he usually defaults to he/him. His assigned gender is male, though he would sometimes feel like he was a girl even from a very young age. He'd also get annoyed when people assumed he was just playing and pretending to be a girl. So when he first heard the terminology, he was ecstatic and was like "YES I'm THAT!!!" It was a similar story for him being gay. His first ever crush was on Ilima when he was six. Ofc, Ilima is a little old for him, so he eventually grew out of the crush and is simply Ilima's friend instead. Typically, Hau stays the same gender all day, but he has been known to switch. Especially after he's listened to a song he likes that has self-referencing pronouns. Bonus Hau/Gladion headcanon - if Gladion really DOES teach himself guitar, he'll change the pronouns in any love songs for Hau's current gender. Hau loves him to death for this... (Typed on Feb. 13)
Random headcanon: Typically, when Hau gets tired, he gets more active rather than less so. He turns all giddy and bouncy and it's really hard to get him to sit still unless he's in a bad mood or was sitting still already. So when he was younger and he started bouncing off the walls more than usual, that was his family's signal for 'okay, bedtime'. (Typed on Feb. 1)
Gladion
< ok but would Gladion play the acoustic guitar like a True Edgelord™ > OMG HAU WOULD M E L T < HAU STUMBLES UPON GLADION PLAYING GUITAR AND STOPS TO LISTEN > HE WOULD BE SO FLOORED LIKE "HOLY SHIT I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD..................." < EVEN IF GLADION WAS A COMPLETE AMATEUR AND COULD ONLY PLAY WONDERWALL > (Typed on Jan. 29)
Red
Valentines Day shenanigans -  Red would probably put a lot of thought into every aspect of anything he got Green, INCLUDING the card. < He would make his own with construction paper and 2/3 a bottle of glitter Glitter is all over the apartment for the next 6 months >  RED U CHEESY BOI................  IMAGINE HIS POKEMON HELPING HIM. GLITTER ALL OVER THEIR CLAWS/PAWS/HANDS. ESPECIALLY HIS SHINY RAI < AND MEWTWO > Lol, Mewtwo would probably use his psychic powers and not even pick up the bottle. ... but then Raichu would smear him with glitter on purpose. GLITTER FIGHT!!!!! By the time it's over Red is just like "... this was a mistake..." < Green comes back like what the FUCK > (Typed on Feb. 12) + extra from another time  IMAGINE RED MAKING A SPECIAL CARD FOR GREEN EVERY YEAR................... BONUS: GREEN DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE HE'S THE ONLY ONE RED MAKES A HAND-MADE CARD FOR & THAT ALL THE OTHER KIDS GET THE STORE-BOUGHT STUFF.
< When Red was a baby, he hated feeling like he was alone at any time. He easily fell asleep in just about anyone's arms, but wouldn't sleep in his crib unless he was given a stuffed toy or a soft blanket to cuddle with. Because of this, his parents always referred to him as a "snuggle-bug" > (Typed on Feb. 21)
(Not technically Red but...) -  Btw!!! Plot bunny I forgot to tell you about!!! Imagine Mewtwo helping Raichu out with her newfound Psychic powers. B/c it's tough, he knows. Imagine her accidentally broadcasting her emotions tho it's always way more subtle than Mewtwo b/c she's not nearly as strong as him. Imagine she's so used to life as a Pikachu, she often forgets she even has psychic powers now. Sometimes she rolls onto her tail in the middle of the night and it starts floating and when she wakes up she's so startled she drops herself. IMAGINE PSYCHIC CHOCO CHU PROBLEMS < Mewtwo teaches ChocoChu about controlling her hovering and one day Red comes home to her nyooming around the house > Red just like "Holy heck you can do that now???" < Also Mew decides that ChocoChu is A Friend > ChocoChu is a Friend to Everyone (Typed on Feb. 27)
Lyra
I was looking for Japanese terms of endearment and... "Another common one is to use a suffix based upon some sort of adorable trait, like -rin or -pon, that as far as I can tell is based upon some part of their personality and/or physical appearance--for example, if a child was a particularly chubby baby, -pon might have stuck (used after a vowel sound, like 'Aki-pon', for example)"  LYRA-PON......... < LYRA-PON!! > Also apparently the Japanese don't really use terms of endearment...?? Just... nicknames. But still, that was a good find.
Silver
... Sudden Silver headcanon. He yells a lot ofc but he can't really take too much yelling himself. Especially if it's directed at him from someone he cares about. < ...what if when Silver gets yelled at by someone he cares about, even if they apologize later, he tends to crave some kind of physical affection from them so that he knows they still care about him Not that he'd show it but he wants to be loved > < If u fight with Silver, the best thing to do afterwards is give him a hug > Yep... He'll probably stiffen up, and then cry into ur shoulder for a little while, but it'll have him feeling better a lot faster.
Tbh I can't really see Silver conforming to labels. He was born a boy, that's what he's used to. Call him whatever you want, he doesn't fuckin' care, but he won't go out of his way to correct you. He's just like "whatever". < He alternately describes his gender as "whatever" "who knows" and "yes" > LMAO YES < "What is your gender?" "yes" > X P I just felt like Silver's so confident in who he is as a person, he wouldn't actively ask anyone to change the pronouns they use for him.  < "Are you a boy or a girl?" "I'm a Pokemon trainer" "yeah but what is your gender" "who knows" "but what's in your pants" "my PokeBalls" > (Typed on Feb. 13)
< Random and unexpectedly cute headcanon/idea thing?? Not something we'd ever RP but just something that popped into my head: Giovanni has to teach Silver how to shave >  AHAHAHAHA Y E S Silver still hates cutting ANY of his hair but he hates having facial hair even MORE < Especially because pubescent facial hair is so UGLY AND GROSS LOOKING, finally one day he can't take it anymore and goes "Dad can I borrow your razor" And Giovanni is like "?? you're gonna shave?? well I have an extra razor but not so fast, I'm teaching you how to use it first" > Silver's just "UGH FINE JUST PLZ MAKE IT QUICK - THIS STUFF IS PISSING ME OFF" < You have just saved yourself many scratches down the line, believe me" So Giovanni is teaching him and at one point just comments, "you're lucky you have a safety razor. I had to learn using a straight razor which looks like you're trying to commit suicide every morning" > And Silver's just like "Yeah whatever, as long as I get this shit off, I don't really care what does it." < Father and son bond over complaining about goddamn fucking facial hair and Silver must have inherited his dislike from Gio because Gio is the most clean shaven guy EVER, he shaves every day no matter what "Shaving is what separates us from the cavemen son" > L M A O NO WAIT IMAGINE SILVER TEACHING ETHAN HOW TO SHAVE NOT LONG AFTER THAT < oh my GOD Ethan would grow a Baby's First Mustache and not even notice until Silver and Lyra go "what the fuck is on your face" > H A A A A A < Silver "Ethan I'm gonna show you how to shave. My dad says that this is what separates us from the cavemen." "...but what if I want to be a caveman" > "THEN YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO ANY POSSIBILITY OF KISSING ME" < "JUST KIDDING LETS LEARN TO SHAVE" > (Typed on Feb. 26)
... Imagine Silver getting into book repair... Like he finds a really battered book at a thrift store or in a library or smth and he just can't leave it there. So he takes it home and works on it until it looks goddamn beautiful. And if it's a library book he takes it back (even if he was told he could keep it) and the librarian is??? Just??? "How the hell did you do that wtf" < THATS APPROPRIATE I KNOW WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT BOOK REPAIR > and I literally made a book 4 u :P (Typed on Mar. 7)
Giovanni
< Giovanni has a habit of saying "close the light" instead of "turn off the light." This has to do with the expression for turning off the light in the Italian language. >  ... Silver would SO tease him about it... All the time... < "hey dad did you remember to close the TV" "hey dad have you closed your computer yet" "hey dad you left the light open" "HEY DA > (Typed on Feb. 21)
My mom just showed me a picture of a bumper sticker on facebook that said "Proud parent of a great kid that is sometimes an asshole and that's ok". I immediately thought of Giovanni & Silver. < I want them to have one of those knitted cruets that says "God Bless This Asshole Family" > (Typed on Feb. 8)
< ok random thought but I've always had the headcanon that Giovanni drinks -- only in moderation, sometimes he'll have a glass of wine at night or sometimes a shot of something stronger if he's feeling anxious. but he usually doesn't drink in front of Silver and one day Silver walks in the kitchen and sees Giovanni pouring a drink and is immediately horrified "DAD ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC DO YOU NEED AN INTERVENTION" >
Lusamine
... What do u think of Lusamine having Lillie take flute lessons < She probably had a strict regimen of Approved Extracirricular Activities for her kids > Yup. Lots of classy instrument lessons probably. No art tho - too messy and you can't really measure art by 'perfection'. Reading fiction was highly discouraged. Lusamine would throw out books she didn't approve of. 'Play time' was allowed with her in-game team of Pokemon, though it was more like sitting quietly while they pet the Pokés. They probs know a decent amount about sciencey shit tho they weren't supposed to go near the labs. Perfect handwriting was stressed and Lillie can and does write in picturesque cursive (it is EXTREMELY rare for her to write in print). You could ask her to do greeting cards. Toys in general were more or less frowned upon, but she allowed them to have some as long as they put them EXACTLY where they go when they're done playing. If not, the toy is thrown away. Gladion has had more toys thrown away than Lillie. No videogames. Ever. No TV either. ... Damn I feel bad just writing this... < I mean, all that would apply only AFTER Mohn fucked off to PokePelago, and we don't know how old they were when that happened. > Y E P It would probably be at least... oh, say... five years? So Lillie would've been about six and Gladion eight. Yeah, I think that fits. Lillie can remember a time her mother was kind, before their father disappeared, so it couldn't have been TOO long ago. But it would've had to have been long enough for Lusamine to gather all the resources she would've needed to execute her plan.
Guzma
I gotta ask tho - what do you think Guzma and Hala's relationship was like when he was young? Because the text after you battle him seems to say they pretty much acted as master/apprentice for a while. ... I kinda wonder if Guzma respected him more as a father figure than his own dad... < ok but Hala has that temper right?? WHAT IF ONE DAY GUZMA DID SOMETHING STUPID AND HALA STARTED YELLING AT HIM AND GUZMA JUST CRINGES AND BACKS AWAY AND SUDDENLY HALA MAKES THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THAT BEHAVIOR AND THE FACT THAT GUZMA ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAVE CUTS AND BRUISES AND WONT SAY WHERE THEY CAME FROM >  OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO < AND HE IMMEDIATELY CALMS DOWN AND COMFORTS GUZMA AND ASSURES HIM THAT HE WOULD NEVER HIT HIM > I LOVE Y E S
< - Guzma and Luna commiserating bc Lillie left and Luna's upset and Guzma is like "ya I feel you there, my boyfriend left me and took up with some broad. I thought we had something special y'know?" > YYYYYEEEEESSSSSS < - Guzma and Kukui were dating after Guzma adopted his loud, brash, thuggish personality, so Guzma was never shy during their relationship...until Kukui broke up with him. Now he's a complete wreck in romantic situations. > S H I T......... POOR BOI......... < - Guzma legit thought that he and Kukui would be together for life, he never anticipated that they'd break up - and Kukui is the hardest person for Guzma to forgive after Team Skull disbands And yeah, it's gotta hurt to see your old flame get MARRIED > Just imagine how shitty Guzma would've felt directly after his first battle with Luna... Not only is Kukui COMPLETELY unfazed by seeing him again, but the man sends a KID who JUST MOVED HERE to beat down HIS EX BOYFRIEND......... < Like JESUS FUCK HE CAN'T EVEN BOTHER TO BATTLE ME HE THINKS THAT LITTLE OF ME?? I think Kukui is just kinda...disappointed that Guzma went down this path? Like he knew he could've been better > HE DOESN'T EVEN RESPECT MY STRENGTH ENOUGH TO FIGHT ME AS A FELLOW ADULT - HE HAS A KID DO IT AND SHE S T I L L BEAT MY ASS < KUKUI WAS PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE GUZMA SOME HURT GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE COULD WIPE THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH GUZMA > Yeah... Guzma would be too hurt by everything that's happened between them to care that he's 'disappointed'
IMAGINE KUKUI AND SYCAMORE TALKING ABOUT RESEARCH OR SOME SHIT THO AND MAYBE SYCAMORE COMES TO ALOLA FOR SOME REASON AND HE AND GUZMA MEET AND GUZMA'S JUST LIKE "HOLY SHIT AND HERE I THOUGHT KUKUI WAS THE ONLY HOT YOUNG PROFESSOR AROUND" < GUZMA HAS A TYPE Kukui: Guzma, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Professor Sycamore! *close up of Guzma staring while "At Last, My Love" plays in the background* >
Y'know, I was thinking about how Guzma and Plumeria would've met the other day. I 100% bet you it would've been after Guz ran away. He's passing through Ula'ula Island with his Pokemon, trying to find a place to crash for the night. He comes to that trailer park area and ends up bumping into Plumeria. Literally. "Hey, watch it, asshole!" "You watch it, bitch - I'm walkin' here!" "The fuck you just call me?!" "You heard me!" "You wanna go?!" "Bring it on, miss priss!" Long story short, they get into a fist fight. Plumes throws the first punch because Guz has been taught not to hit girls by his mom but he's not opposed to self defense. And by the end they're just... completely winded and beat all to hell... And they just... "... You fight good." "Thanks. You too." "Hey. You wanna swing by my house and grab a soda or something?" "... Got any Tapu Cocoa?" And then next thing you know it's just... "Yo, Grams! This is my new friend, Guzma!"  < Guzma: "hey Plumeria wanna DISMANTLE THE OPPRESSIVE ESTABLISHMENT BY RAPPING AGRESSIVELY AT BUS SIGNS" Plumeria: "sure lemme just grab some popcorn" >
< In game: Faba is a challenger to the championship In RP: Faba is in FUCKING JAIL WHERE HE BELONGS Also Guzma will probably have to do community service at the very least > Yeah I agree... Wouldn't be surprised if he'd be under house arrest, too, which would explain his return to his childhood home. (Imagine him hiding the ankle bracelet from his mother.........) < Actually, I think there's a thing where you're allowed out in the community if you have someone supervising you at all times? Imagine Hala stepping up to be the Guzma Supervisor > I LOVE................... < He probably wouldn't be sentenced as harshly if he could prove that he was manipulated by Lusamine, but still...vandalism and petty theft and all that > Ye. Not to mention, y'know, takING OVER A WHOLE FUCKING TOWN... (How could he have even done that anyway?? Was it already partially deserted and the rumors are just vastly exaggerated, or...???) < I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say: Aether did it They did it to convince Guzma that allying with them could benefit both parties, plus it would give Team Skull a stronghold Which would be good for Aether when they needed Team Skull to do dirty work > Ye, they probably just straight-up bought the whole damn place. < And then sent their own members disguised as Skull grunts to drive everyone out and kick up the rumors. Which would make people avoid the town. > L M A O Hold on wait wait. I just got the greatest mental image. Imagine Guzma leading them RIDING HIS FUCKING GOLISOPOD LIKE A GODDAMN STEED THAT'D MAKE A FUCKING IMPRESSION!! X D < FICKJNG >
Currently RPing this -  Btw... I thought of something of my own... Guzma kinda got off easy with that trip to Ultra Space, right? Well, what if he DIDN'T...? I was thinking about how he was just hangin' out there and how he'd been briefly possessed by the Nihilego... And what if he really wasn't okay mentally - what if he was dissociating? And it becomes, like, a huge problem for him, and that's a big reason that he gave up on Team Skull and went home. B/c if the grunts are mainly teenage kids with nowhere else even remotely healthier to go, why the hell would Guzma give up on them unless he had to? Think about it. His Pokemon = Therapy Bugs... < GOOD!! THERAPY BUGS!!! > ONE OF THE ONLY WAYS HE CAN FEEL BETTER IS BY MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH ONE OF HIS BUG BUDDIES, ESPECIALLY GOLISOPOD......... < Wouldn't he have like...a minor version of what Lusamine has, almost?? His system wouldn't be swamped with neurotoxins but they still would have effected him. And I was reading about someone with dissociation issues and like...sometimes you can't remember what you're supposed to do?? Even if it's something super simple. The person I read about was like...she went to the bank, was gonna write two checks, but then after the first one she literally could not remember what she was supposed to do with the second one. > Yeah, I think he would've. Ofc, that would mean that the doctors that sent him home Fucked Up™ And huh... I'll have to keep that in mind... >:3 < Tru, but the doctors had never encountered something like that before. As someone who's been hospitalized, if you have no symptoms, they won't do extensive tests. And even if he had symptoms he would have been just like I Wanna Get The Fuck Out Of Here™ > Ye, tru. Guz was goin' home and AIN'T NO ONE GONNA STOP 'IM. Straight back to the mansion, plop down with his buggies and some room-temp Tapu Cocoa (b/c who can be assed to warm it up when you just came back from an alternate dimension where you've been dissociating & are now dead tired???), and then straight to sleep b/c fuck the world it can W A I T. < And Guzma doesn't strike me as the type to seek help if he has psychological warning signs. > N O P E... It would take a friend AND his bugs pestering him about it non-stop to get him to go see someone. Tho most of his buggies are nonverbal and he doesn't have a communicator anyway, so it's mostly flat looks and annoyed clicking sounds. < Lmao Luna translating tho "Golisopod thinks you're being a stubborn asshole" > "weLL FUCK YOU TOO, MAN!" >:CCC Imagine after Guzma challenges Luna and says he'll be waiting at the beach, he gets there and... just... "... The fuck was I doing...??" (Also "You tell my mom those 'rumors' are true, I'll kiCK YOUR ASS, KID") < Luna shows up "okay what do you want" ".....I don't....... remember.........." >  That's the first tip-off to anyone other than Plumeria & his parents that something's W R O N G < And at first she thinks he's joking cause "how do you not REMEMBER, you clearly had a good idea of what you wanted five minutes ago" > He just gets super annoyed and stressed out of nowhere "I don't fucKING K N O W, OKAY?!?! I JUST DON'T REMEMBER!!!" < And she just kinda jumps back like "ok Arceus fuck then I'm leaving" > And he just... doesn't know what to do b/c this has been happening a lot and it's NOT STOPPING.........
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survivorazores · 7 years
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Ep. 16 - “Hi, nice to me you! My name is "I'm a fucking mess" “ - Francie
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164424993518/individual-immunity-7
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The tribe minus Will hates me again so there's that!  I.... almost went home, that's so wild. I hate that Ali left, that was all just so wild I don't even know what to think now about it all.
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It feels good knowing that my game is almost over, and that Amanda Lynn is gonna win this game even though she's never getting my jury vote. I would say more but I don't want to make anyone mad or upset and I don't want any bad blood after this game, but y'all can't preach "it's just a game" and then be upset when someone calls out your lies IN THE GAME like... that's a tactic I'm trying to rattle you and clearly it worked. Ruthie's the only real one, Abbey literally admitted she's playing for second which is just sad, Francie I still know nothing about, and Amanda Lynn like go have fun in the winner's circle girl. You deserve it.
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I'm seriously considering if I want to even try for F3 anymore, or just like, flop and be voted out. I don't think I have a chance of winning anymore. And if I don't have a chance of winning, I'm not sure I want to keep putting the effort in to stay. It seems that everyone has wanted me out at one point or another. They all still probably do. If I'm such a big threat, why hasn't anyone tried to take me out before this? How have I been able to stay? Will is mad bc I told him I wanted to go to the end with him bc I like going with threats so its a fun FTC. Sweetie, if that were true, I wouldn't have voted Emily out. And also. I never told anyone I wanted to vote Ali out. I mean, I didn't want to go to FTC with him, and I mentioned like, to the girls, that I wanted to go to the end with all girls, but I never went to anyone and said, "I want to vote Ali out." So, lol, good job to whoever told him that, bc tbh, I've been considering going to the end with him, and its yours and hist fault that he turned on me and wound up idoling himself out. Oh the irony. And I'm not even sorry. To be honest, if I do get voted out, I'm probably going to vote for Francie. Girl has made it to f5 with zero votes against her, in her very first game, while she went on vacation to another country, won an immunity, AND survived rocks where she had a 50% chance of going home? Yeah, home girl is getting my vote.
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WELL THE TEA IS that Francie put her ass on the line super hard just for little old me. Will, Ruthie and Ali voted for me which is fine it makes sense I get it. I really didn't expect Francie to do that for me. My heart is full, my crops are thriving, my skin is clear, Neville is the Cruiserweight Champion and Sasha is 4 time Raw Womens Champion everything is great! I came clean about my scheme to vote Amanda out to Amanda so since I spilled that to Will he has no dirt on me. I really think that me and Francie both have something to show if we make it to FTC, the playing field seems more clear especially since Will kind of shot himself in the foot when he popped off on Amanda. Oh well, I just want this iconic all female f3!
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So that challenge? It's no Stairway to Hell. It's just Hell. That's it. Nothing else. If the solar eclipse didn't make me go blind, this challenge did. I set up a doc last night so all I had to do was copy/paste, but I hecked up once at the beginning. Everything else was fine, though. Even with that, I copy/pasted non-stop and it took me about 52 minutes so.... rip. I'm really hoping I get this bc I do not want to be voted out before Will... I would rather be last juror than go before him. I'm guessing that if he does win, the Gal Pals will just vote Ruthie, but I would hate for him to be here f4.... so like... can he just lose? [7:03:20 PM] Amanda Lynn: Anyway if Will wins immunity i'm gonna go jump off a cliff [7:04:09 PM] Zabbey Culpepper: rt [7:04:23 PM] Francie Liana: mood They think I'm joking, but I'm already looking up the tallest peak in Florida.
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https://youtu.be/EJOOhaTWyiw
Welcome to that last challenge where the word “step” is made up and your emotional sanity does not matter.
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164465335358/individual-immunity-7-results
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WELL it's been fun y'all I really think I'm the next to go and I'm not about to crawl up into Francie and Abbey's IM's, not tonight anyway but I think they BOTH know I'm the smarter option to keep this week.
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So the highest point in Florida is a place called Sugarloaf Mountain. It's peak is 312 feet above sea level. It's about 120 miles and 90 minutes from my house. If I leave now, I'll have enough get there early, spend the day climbing the mountain, jump in the daylight, hopefully live, hopefully be found, and be able to make it back in time for tribal, just to be voted out. I know it's between me and Ruthie. I know that. The vote will be 5-2, either way. Abbey says she has no intention of voting me out. Francie said the same thing. But all it takes is for someone to sway on of them that I'm the biggest threat. I don't mind. I doubt I'll win the game anyway. But I just ask that if they do decide to vote me out. Just tell me. I don't want a glimmer of hope just to be blindsided.
Abbey said she was pitching to Francie why they should keep me. I appreciate it. But I'm not going to fight. I said my peace to them. I know Will won't work with me anymore. I don't have the option to work with Ruthie because I'm not voting Francie or Abbey out. I have nothing left to say to anyone. I'm just. I'm tired. And sad. I worked so hard in this game. I tried so hard. I had decent strategies. I played tough. I went against an ally, which is a big step for me. I've never done that. I tried to beat Will. And I have a whole tangent speech about that that maybe I'll get into one day. About how I agreed to work with him and then went back on it. I have a reason. But right now. I just. Want to cry.
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Immunity? Feels nice :)
What's funny to me now is people who have spent the whole game lying and flipping and backstabbing not wanting to take out the obvious frontrunner at this point when they can it's like... I get that you wanna stay loyal to the alliance but are you really gonna throw your game away for that? After you've both acknowledged that you can't beat her? Like you're ok with flipping on me because you can't beat me, but because you've known homegirl over here longer you're willing to throw away your chance at winning? I mean tbh I probably will not win FIC, and I'll probably be the Kelley Wentworth of this season, and that's okay with me but it's just really dumb - not even sad, just dumb - watching people talk up how they don't wanna just bring goats to the end then do exactly that, or even worse let themselves be the goats. Amanda Lynn is not getting my vote in the final three, and that's not me being bitter, that's me saying that I genuinely do not believe she played the best game between her and Abbey. And I know all y'all will say I'm just a bitter juror but those? Are the facts! That's my opinion! I mean I'm gonna fight as hard as I fucking can to win tomorrow night and please the jury, but I really don't have much hope left. And that's okay. When I said I wasn't gonna bring goats to the end for an easy win, I was being serious, but if y'all wanna win in a landslide over people you yourself have said "didn't do shit" and if y'all wanna go to the end with people who will beat you in a landslide like... be my guest idgaf. And don't expect some fiery jury speech from me either lol that's not how I'm playing this game. I'm just gonna ask a simple question and expect simple answers, no showboating and no more games. There's no point in it, just be straight up. Anyways it's about past my bedtime and this game is literally just draining my life force at this point, I'll see what I can do tomorrow but there's literally no promises on that
Anyways my instagram bio literally says "eventual 4th place finisher on survivor" so like... the prophecy cometh true?
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Amanda came to us last night explaining why we shouldn't vote her out now, because Will and Ruthie are close and would end up driving it to fire next challenge. While Abbey and I think Amanda is a threat, neither of us wants to go through fire next round so we plan on voting Ruthie out now instead. Amanda also told us to just tell her if we're voting her because she doesn't want to be blindsided at all. She left two alliance chats this morning so it seems like she thinks she's going home next if she's already preparing. At least, maybe...? I hope they're both telling the truth because I have no desire to wear a good made of sheep's wool. (I...got so carried away that I typed all of this in the name box at first)
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Should I even campaign at this point? UGH. I think I really screwed myself over by telling Will the last vote what was happening but I don't regret it, I hope that Will makes it to the final three and that he wins this ENTIRE game.  Yes, he's been close with Abbey and Amanda but he has been my number one and yes, I did stray a little bit but idk, he deserves to win. If Will doesn't make it to the end I will probably vote for Amanda to win.  She has played the best game by far out of almost everyone (I honestly think that Will, Emily and her have played the best this season) and she deserves to win over me, Francie or Abbey for sure. I've had a fun time and I'm honored to have made it this far in this game, it's been a WILD ride and I've loved every second of it!
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Well, Francie says she decided last night she isn't voting me out tonight. I made a pitch to her that next round of it comes down to fore between me and her, I'll forfeit, which I will. I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that, though. Jay hinted that final immunity is the pressure cooker with the cup, but she also said she was still thinking about it. If she does do that one, it sucks for me bc I know I won't win. But it's good for Abbey bc she has won it before. I just don't know how strong Will is so, I'm just going on a hope and a prayer here.
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what even is this challenge what even is anything? anyway. amanda came to me, referencing what she said last night and said it was all true. she thought I was the swing vote tonight. she also said that if it came to fire between me and her, she would forfeit. she literally said she'd guarantee me F3 if I kept her tonight....this is the most surprised I've ever been by a pm im...wow. I really appreciate it, that's for sure. just, w o w. I told her that I decided last night I wasn't going to vote for her, bc that was true and it still is.
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I really just wanna get this all over with, I'm too stressed for no reason and my computer also legitimately can't take it anymore lol - like obviously I'm gonna try tonight but part of me hopes I lose so I can just be over with all of it. Obviously I've had a good time but still.
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164502055958/tribal-15-ruthie-voted-out-3-2-amanda-lynn
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LAST WORDS: I'm sad about leaving but I am glad I had so much fun and was part of what I think was a great season!  This was definitely one of the favorite games I've ever played and it was an adventure, I never knew what was going to happen next and I'm honored to have met so many of you!  I love my Azores family! <3 'crackedt disney queen' out!
Ruthie becomes the sixteenth person voted out and the eighth member of our jury.
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So I made it through tribal. But I could not last longer than like 5 minutes (if that) in the pressure cooker. My arms used to be strong bc of puppets but they are not strong anymore. It's up to Abbey and Francie right now and I can hear Francie is struggling so much. I just don't want Will to win. Please, God. Do not let Will win. I'm hoping his phone falls and he loses. Ugh please.....
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Friendly tip: on a google hangout, never put your phone into low power mode. in other news, fuck technology
File my phone screwing me over under Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths.
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164504054993/final-immunity-challenge-results-will-wins
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I literally cannot believe I won final immunity like what the fuck? How? When? Where? I really feel bad like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, it feels wrong and it feels tragic but I... I made it? I don't even know who I want the last jury member to be, because Amanda is the biggest threat against me at this point based on gameplay alone - I need to start preparing a speech and answers and stuff - but I also know that Amanda will eviscerate me if she's on the jury and I don't feel like dealing with that. I really hope they can all be objective about the game and see that I played incredibly hard and that my social bonds saved my ass multiple times but that I also controlled a bunch of the votes. But these fuckers gave me a run for my money, they really did. For my last game of the summer, it would be really REALLY nice to win. But if anything at least it was a wild fucking ride.
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I...had the phone propped up vertically and then Amanda mentioned doing it horizontally and trying that is what was my downfall actually. :/
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https://youtu.be/z9eEqkd5j6U
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I can't stop thinking about that challenge. Can you believe that power save mode murdered the feminist movement?
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Anyways it's dumb that people are trying to use the "it's what we really want" thing to guilt me into doing what they want me to tonight and I'm really not about it lol go cry to someone else I don't play like that
Let's break it down here: y'all are gonna tell me that I'm being shitty for calling Amanda Lynn a not genuine person (because she lied all game to me) and say that I can't separate real life and the game (including Abbey so tactfully saying that I shouldn't be playing these games) and THEN go on to say to me here, tonight, on this day, that you'll both be mad at me - no, that ALL the people here will be mad at me if I don't let them go to fire making because... of what? Because I made the choice that was best for my game? Like if you're gonna give out advice like that, learn to take it as well. There's no point in arguing since they will never admit I'm wrong unless it's in an apology intended to try and make me feel comfortable again so like give it up, it's over. If anything, talk to ya girl Francie she's the one who's really making the deciding vote here, don't be mad at me for trying to win the game after telling me I'm not allowed to be mad at y'all for doing the same thing.
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So I lost FIC which is a real bummer. It was the only challenge I really had a chance at but I blew it, and it''s nobodies fault but my own. I went in too cocky and it blew up in my fave. Unfortunately Will won. It's not that I don't think Will deserves it, because he definitely does, he worked really hard for it. It just sucks that we can't have an all female final 3. The series is based on female empowerment and inclusiveness and it would have been a really good story but oh well. I dont begrudge Will for it. Now we have to figure out what to do. Me and Amanda want to go to fire, because neither of us want to vote the other one out. We've come too far together to turn on each other now. There's no fucking way I'm voting for Francie after she went to rocks for me so our only option is fire. Francie and Amanda vote for me, I vote for Amanda and we hope Will votes for me. He might vote for Amanda which would suck. He's not getting any of our votes no matter which of us go and he thinks Amanda would be his best bet to send home but he can't make that happen on his own so idk what hes gonna do
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Will suggested that Amanda and Abbey are trying to spilt the votes and send me home rather than their fire plans. I trust A&A but now I'm lowkey paranoid and idk what's gonna happen tonight. I'm gonna go finish my dinner. It's cronch time.
Hi, nice to me you! My name is "I'm a fucking mess"
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It's a lose-lose-lose-lose-etc. situation: I go to fire, Amanda probably makes it to FTC and probably wins somehow. I vote Amanda out since Francie really doesn't see through my plan here and Amanda goes to the jury and tells them all not to vote for me and I have to do major damage control. I don't go to fire and regardless of who goes home they all hate me for not giving them what they want when I literally don't owe anyone anything. The only people I owe are royalty Ali T and Ruthie for staying completely loyal to me through this whole mess, and those are the facts! Anyways no matter what I do tonight Amanda's gonna make it difficult for me to get jury votes so... time to work on a speech kids!
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164538868783/rites-of-passage
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164542328888/final-four-tribal-council-abbey-and-amanda-tied
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LAST WORDS: https://youtu.be/0_Jjw-sfxY8
Amanda Lynn becomes the seventeenth person voted out, and the ninth and final member of the jury
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So, that happened. I wasn't sure Will was even going to push for fire making but he ended up doing it and Abbey won. Amanda messaged us in the alliance chat and said she was giving up because she didn't want to sit next to FTC with Will. Gosh, my stance on Amanda has sure flipped around a lot this game. She's been one of my closest allies and yet there's been times, like just recently, where I wanted to vote her out because she was the biggest threat to winning this game. At the same time I've wanted to stick with her because we were allies for so long. It's been too back and forth so I just have to say it for the record that I have loved playing with Amanda and I wouldn't change that for anything etc.
That moment when you're in the final three when you didn't even think you'd make merge coming into this game.
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Honestly Amanda can stay pressed, she wants to act like the victim then like go for it but honey if you're gonna try to bully me into a fire making challenge (you got your wish!) and lie to me and everyone else repeatedly don't expect me to go silently into the night, I will expose you for who you are. If I win, then woohoo I did it yay congrats Will, people will be pissed. If I don't win, then like literally whatever lol.
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My strategy going into FTC is just to be honest but still try to “sell myself” without getting arrogant about it (though I don't think I actually have the capacity to do that). I think my odds of winning are about the same as Abbey's and Will's so, yea. We'll just see how those forks fall.
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164577346023/opening-statements
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This game has honestly been so great up until these last few votes... I don't know what made it get so ugly but I really don't want to be remembered as the villain who's villainy came from being a bully, not from my strategy. Because I really don't think I've been a bully and I hate that people are going to try to paint me that way just because I stood my ground. I don't think I'm winning this game which is a bummer because it's both one of the best games I've played (in terms of my gameplay and like...the production and structure of the game) and my last game for a while, but hey like I had fun. I made it to the end with two people who I would love to see win, and we all agree that each of us deserves to be here. 
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164621763838/final-tribal-council-the-jurors-votes-for-the
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That could've been a lot worse tbh like I'm really looking forward to talking to all of these jurors later on with a couple notable exceptions (we won't say who but we all know who) and like, I don't expect to win but I don't think it'll be a landslide vote, but then again who knows. 
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I'm going to miss Ali sending this confessional link so damn much. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((. Bigger tragedy than a n y t h i n g Shakespeare produced.
https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164649993333/winner-reveal
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FINAL THOUGHTS: How did I actually win? I'm literally floored. Tfw when you bullshit half the game and manage to win??????? I, uh, yeah. Only n00b to make F3 and I won. Wow.
With that, Francie becomes the winner of Survivor Athena: Azores by a 4-2-2 vote, with Abbey and Will becoming the joint runners up. During the winner reveal, Emily was announced as Player of the Season and Mo/Ruthie were announced as Fan Favorites after a community vote. Congratulations to all of them and thank you to the whole cast for an amazing season!
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Coconut Oil and Parenting Fails....(All in one weekend)
Ok so the coconut oil that ‘cures all ills’ really didn’t help with the now burning pain of my lady garden fungal infection (yep, I really don’t want to have to call it thrush) 🙄
Applied morning and evening and it’s not even one scratch better. What with me going all (kinda) hippy and diving into the alternative therapies to avoid the heroin addict hue that took me months to banish thanks to western meds, I was really hoping that it would do the trick. Sorry my trusted friend, you may be a helping hand for the cellitute, (and FYI mums of humans, it’s brilliant for de-nitting hair, whapp it right on, scalp to tip, wash out the next morning and do the usual nitty gritty comb through. Bing, bang, bosh those nits are gone) unlike my lady garden issues! 🙄🙄
All I really achieved from the coconut oil application instructions I found via Pinterest, was that I had to change underwear a few extra times yesterday.
FAIL! FAIL!!FAIL!!!!
So that was how the coconut oil let me down this weekend, but because I like to share too much, it wasn’t the only failure in the house over the weekend.
Friday night after a day of no pain relief I thought, perfect, I’ll try the wine I was gifted and really push the boat out on going wild. Relive my youth a little. Two glasses in, and that was small glasses I may add, and my headache hits, the bottle has the lid screwed back on and I fold like a deck of cheap cards. That fail was on the wine, not me!!
The taste decided to linger until roughly 3pm yesterday by which time I was thinking I really need to just stay in tonight and sleep. That wasn’t an option though, because I had made very rare plans to have a drink with my best friend. By the time I got there I was thinking I must be getting better at this getting old shit cause I was quite looking forward to a catch up and another drink. #TwoNightsOnTheBounce I’m a machine!!
Only problem was, my humans had to tag along and that can never end overly well one way or the other. The big bean I birthed didn’t have to come but I figured she was being sweet and wanted to hang with the 30+ hag beens. And she did, but only so she could have a helping hand in the partaking of alcoholic demolishion.
Home before midnight like the responsible (drunk) parent I am, the teenage bean provided a fair amount of amusement on our travels home (on foot, I do not condone drunk driving!! ) while I am hee hawing at her being generally just hilarious, in the back of my head I’m thinking ‘shit, I let the kid get pissed!! I’m going to jail. I am going to be charged and someone’s cell birch for 90 days. (45 with good behaviour.)
Laying in bed trying not to nod off, I planned to go and check she was still breathing at 5 minute intervals through the night. Then comes a clatter, bang and baby elephant footsteps through he hall and into the bathroom, followed by the entire contents of her stomach coming back to greet her! 🤢🤢🤢
Makes me green just thinking about it.
She felt pretty good after traumatising me (what with being emetophobic and all) and settled down to a fairly peaceful nap after a few grunts of ‘Go’way, I’m fine.’
Trot off back to my bed still adamant I would make ul for my lack of parenting 5 star status and check on her regularly, just to crash out within about 5 minutes and wake up in a panic this morning!!!
FAIL, FAIL, FAIL!!!!
Good news is, the big bean did wake up, albeit slightly grumpy for the first half an hour or so, but then proceeded to piss off and have a day out with her mate, chowing down on a McDonald’s and seeming to avoid any trace of a hangover. This was while I have been feeling rather poorly all day long.
I am of course now set on the idea that I must have a bit of a tummy upset because I feel worse now than I have all day. School stuff hasn’t been sorted, although my mini human has been washed and freshened up thanks to the fact her friend has an ace mum and dad, ones who actually parent their kids, and took her out for a swim with them all. You know, while I took out all the stuff to try and prep a dinner and didn’t get past the ‘taking the stuff out’ stage.
FAIL! FAIL!! FAIL!!!!
May God bless you S & J. One important job ticked off the parenting list. Now I do however have to think of something reasonably healthy to feed my kids before they pack their own bags and move out. 🤔🤔
The aim for be last stretch of today, (cause it’s not bedtime yet 😭😭😭) is to make sure all the school prep is done and I don’t forget anything overly important like lunch money, snack and of course getting them up and to school on time. For the record, my school drop off timing this year has risen from a questionable C rating this time last year, to a superb A+ effort all throughout 2017.
An yes, I know you perfect yummy mummies who have time to do your hair and make up everyday manage it with all your children and its something that sound be achieved every day, but when you’re living with poor mental health, (and a cough cough, tummy upset) getting out of bed at all is an achievement!!
So after starting my weekend roundup as a FAILURE, I’m gonna finish it off on the slightly brighter note of not being completely useless.
Happy Sunday people. (Especially those of you who feel as poorly as I do.)
L x
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whentheriversflow · 7 years
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Iron Graveyard
Chapter 1
Little Cabin in the wood Little old man at the window stood, Saw a rabbit hopping by knocking at his door. Help me, help me, he said, Before the huntsman shoots me dead. Come, little rabbit, come inside, Safely we will hide.
The woods slept quietly, dark and damp, but with the cool of a spring night. Every surface of the tiny cottage was slick, wet with evening mist. It was still cool because it was only a week or two after the equinox, and mist rested lightly upon the large wood. It was a quiet place and the only sound was the gentle rustlings of the branches and patter of the rolling drips, condensing and falling from leaves above. Here and there nearby, a pine added the scent of it’s tacky sap to the earthy nettle and cool mist, adding a dull undertone to the flowery lilac and sharp tree scents. The forest here was called the Sugarwood, after the sweet sap and honeysuckle that was constantly flowing almost all times of the year. However, the usual use of the wood was displaced tonight. Inside one tiny cottage the excitement and wonder of such a pleasant night went unnoticed; replaced by another excitement as the inhabitants settled in. The cabin was just large enough to accommodate the two modest bedrooms; a tiny kitchen with a roasting hearth and a small sitting area close to the entrance; and a sunroom for storing the tools and clutter used in harvesting and working with the great sap trees. Aged, dull, glass windows offered escape to the soft glow that lit the mossy stonework. The cottage was worn down but a newer patch on the wood roof, and a much newer door, with it’s frame starkly painted red, showed some caretaking by the owners and offset the plain wood and stone based furnishing. The cabin itself, while appearing small and poor, was richly decorated. The back housed two small bedrooms decorated with small furniture of dark oaks and mahogany, and the windows were slightly cracked open but netted, allowing in some of the cool night air while keeping the spring bugs out. The bedding was old, slightly musty wool, covered in the same faded brown burlap that curtained the open windows. Here, it was the arrival of new guests that marked the excitement tonight. Its a new thing, Maraie thought as she hurriedly grabbed a spring blanket from a hope chest near the bed. Having guests. I do think I like it. It has been so long… She thought sadly as her mind trailed off to a more distant memory. This sentiment was mostly due to the child bouncing on the woolen pillow and hay stuffed mattress, beating the lumps out with his feet. “Ok, ok, that’s enough child.” Maraie smiled again, stifling a sudden bubbling giggle into a pleasant hum. “It’s time for us to tuck all of God’s little creatures into bed.” She gently pulled him down into bed and tucked the old rough spun blanket upon him. She dimmed the candles and smiled again when he asked for a bedtime rhyme. It had been a very very long time since her little ones had asked her the same, and though she lacked the wrinkles of all her years, her smiles created small dimples upon her cheeks and below shoulders, her locks showed salted brown hair. Ten minutes later Maraie joined her other guest in the front of the cottage, losing her smile quickly to the serious, focused expression her guest had developed since she had left. His massive frame filled the house and made Maraie grateful that she had installed the taller door a year ago. “It’s late,” Maraie said, “but Chase is still up begging to hear a story. If I attempt another hymn from ‘The Virtues’ and the ‘Light Born’ my voice will crack. Maybe after a glass of water. Perhaps, instead a sip or two of wine.” She paused to sip, as if to throw off her true reason for disturbing the former soldier. She finally paused and looked up at her only other tenant. “ Would you mind telling him one?” Her guest didn’t stir immediately. If anything, at first he appeared more irritated that she interrupted his deep examination of the crackling hearth. “I don’t like telling stories,” He replied. “You never know which ones are true and what the telling of them may invite. Besides, I don’t know any of your stories. ” “Then find another story,” She replied still forcing a smile, trying to break the atmosphere. “One from your past, or one you’ve heard. It is safe here. The hearth has no need for your vigilance. It will burn well, long after you leave. No one could know where to find you two now.” She crossed the room and stood close to the hearth looking into his eyes for emphasis. “Go to the boy, John, and tell him a story, give him something to think about when you set out into the wilds again. You’ll only have a few days respite here, make it a happy one.” “Very well woman,” he groused, “I will tell him a story. From my past, but it might not be a happy one.” He rose, slightly bent over to clear the beams and looked back at the woman. “You can’t expect much from me woman. I’m not the warrior you think. I’m running the same as everyone else these days.” She watched him sadly as he entered the room, her mirth extinguished for the moment. Even this quiet corner of the world would soon also see the ravages of plague and war and his reminder fouled her mood. She briefly found herself also staring into the fire as if it would speak answers and peace into her mind. It is good that he doesn’t know who I am either, she thought, I have some part of fault for this war. As she listened to the shuffling in the room die down and John’s deep voice begin it’s monologue, she made her decision to step out and get some fresh air. It would be a while before they quit, and though the moon had risen high into the night, their travels had yet to adjust them to the time here. She quietly shifted the latch, as she nuzzled her feet into slippers and slipped into the dim light outside. The cool evening welcomed her, and the fresh mist had turned into a light drizzle. Nothing that couldn’t be handled by the light fur cloak she had donned before wandering out. The moss covered stones that made the path to her door were incredible slick as usual so she stepped into the tall grass, wetting the hem of her long skirt. She avoided looking up at the partial moon and it’s broken light reflecting down. She relied on the stars to lead her feet beyond the nearest hedge towards the creek and it’s beach nestled below the cottage. The hill down was light and she slipped her feet out of her slippers before resting on the beach with her feet in the lapping water. And there she reminisced of her children, long gone, out to face the dangers of the world. The moon shone down on the water before her like the many moons of her past, saying the same silent song with each glimmer of reflected light.
“Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose” ― Leonardo da Vinci
The room had quieted by the time John arrived, and with his entrance the electricity that bounced through the boy earlier took new life. He quickly sat up and pushed back the itchy covers, sitting as quiet and still as he could. A tick of his nose kept him rubbing it with the back of his hand as he tried to restrain his excitement. “A story?” Chase asked. Pulling his ear again where a low branch had caught it yesterday, leaving a small stinging scrape. Freshly bathed that night, his boyish ruddiness still made his cheeks appear stained with unwashed dirt. “Yes,” John growled. “If you can sit quietly for a few minutes, I can start one, at least. Then bed, understood?” John eyed him for recognition as he pulled closer a small oak stool that had rested in the corner. “I’ll tell you mine, or at least how I got to meet you. You must understand before I begin though that I didn’t come from places you would be familiar with, so hold back your questions so I until I complete my thought, then I’ll perhaps come back to fill in any holes.” Chase nodded and leaned forward even more, silently acquiesced and thankful for John’s compromise to finally speak of himself. Once they had begun to slow their travels Chase had burdened him with questions and had yet to receive answers. “Where do I begin,” John sat slowly into the small wicker frame bending it pitifully beneath him. “I guess to understand me, you have to understand what my life was…” I lived in a city of metal. It had been a very long time since I had seen the ground. Somewhere, it existed miles below in the darkness. How high up am I? What would happen if I fell? When would it eventually happen? When you live there, questions like these seldom actually entered your mind anymore. Mostly because once you get inside a building, out of the haze, the outside view was gone. There were no windows in the middle Rafters. I had heard stories of giant glass towers that rose above the city with views that could see for miles. Like pillars to heaven they said. As tall as one of your mountains here, though I’d have yet to have seen a mountain. The Rafters were the buildings and support structures in the zones beneath the upper towers, made of giant steel and copper piles. Buildings that had evolved and changed as they grew, ever building upwards and outwards around each other. Giant messes of scaffolding. Copper pipes ran out of them and grating where building started but had never finished. There had been no genius or organization behind their building, and the Rafters went on for miles in any direction. It was like a mad, man-made anthill interconnected and interlocked in a confusing mass. Winding pathways sometimes ended nowhere and the great steel structures groaned as the wind cut through them. The steel walls stained with smoke, grew upwards all around. Crews constantly were working on repairs and the new upward expansion. Steam from vents and the shadows of the city blotted out the sky, and cast darkness downwards. Iridescent lamps cast the only light, faintly glowing blue and yellows that led along the metal rafters to entrances and businesses. They could often led to dead ends as new buildings were constructed anywhere someone could find room. Fires, gasses and sometimes odd liquids rolled out of the confused copper pipings into the dizzying darknesses that enveloped us. Most pipes also leaked, dripping down splattering drops that steamed as they touched the grated walkways, sometimes eating right through them. Rust was everywhere, either eating through metal or staining metals below. Crews moved about sanding and buffing old plates, and leaving specks of rust floating about the city. New beaten sheets of metal showed the newest repairs, fused into place wherever absolutely necessary. All of this created the polluted haze that was our air; an unbreathable, toxic stink that had caused us to wear small outdoor respirators. Most people spent as little time as possible out and busied themselves getting to their jobs before they lost their only human use. We were born to produce. Those who became useless were treated as the waste of the rotten metal city, eventuality discarded to the gutters far, far below. Hover Cabs roared in and out of any clear lanes to navigate the twisting open ways. Heavily armored with layered discarded metal scraps which were bolted on until the original shape of the cab was almost indiscernible. Their sputtering fiery engines pushed them careening sometimes into scaffolding or equally armoured walls. As dangerous as being stuffed into one of those metal boxes sounds, worse was being on a grated bridge a poor driver careened through, or plummeting to one’s death or being squashed by a cab as it bounced poorly. Occasionally one would pass through and ignite a unseen gas pocket that had been left behind by some pipe, the explosion launching it like a bullet into a nearby wall. They usually made sure everyone on board was awake before scraping them off the cab wall and depositing them at their destination.“ “My world looked this way, and I had never considered there was anything beyond the mess that was the Rafters. Far above the rafters and the glass city, I heard, was a almost solid wall of luminescent irradiating gases that encased us, and somewhere below the solid barren planet, though I had never seen either. It was into this that I woke on week 12, day 8 of my 37th year. My workplace had followed the common calendar and we had but one day off every fourteen days, providing them a more productive workplace for our salaries. It felt more like having the marrow sucked from my bones. I lay awake before morning, as I usually did, and knowing my mind wouldn’t quiet, I made coffee and ate my meager morning ration. Our rations weren’t grown food as you know it, but proteins and minerals chemically joined into wafers, or cards we called them, probably because of how wooden they tasted. They were provided by my workplace, a cost of having to employ me, so they seldom tasted of anything more expensive than flavored cardboard. This morning it was a yellow card denoting egg flavored cardboard. You learn to eat it quick and deal with the discomfort and sour stomach that followed until your evening ration. The tiny room that was provided me was large enough for a small corner table, a chair and my iron bed. The chair and table were regulation with no cushion or color and had been there for the previous occupant, and the one before them. A slight rusting was noticeable around the room but nothing that would indicate a serious leak, which would allow the outside fumes in. A vent in the corner piped in what they called ‘clean air’, but we all knew we had never smelt or breathed clean air before and had no real idea of what we were being provided with. I had heard of many workers who had asked for too much from their company and hadn’t woken up one morning because of ‘bad venting’ that allowed gas in from outside. A tragedy it was called, though behind closed doors i’m sure it was called smart and economical; sad but efficient. We were nothing more than insects to them. Some people survived their sentencing. Some tried to escape. Those who did, had no resources. No state sponsoring. They were called vagrants. Those who stole what little rations they could, until they were found and executed,. Or they would slip ever downwards into the darkness, hiding and slinking lower and lower. For me, after twenty five years in the workforce, I had qualified finally for a phone and a display showing the important tasks required of me upon arrival at workplace. It was a small rusted, box smelling of acid and it provided my poorly lit apartment with the great ambient foreknowledge of my day. It also served a constant reminder of just how horrible yesterday was and how much worse tomorrow promised to be. I was a bookkeeper for Knucklebraks, an accounting office not far up and north from my current abode. And I was told I was lucky to have such a great employer. It was true I didn’t work in scrap or metallurgy, and so my life expectancy had already proven much higher, but I, like most, couldn’t seem to find any real happiness. Truly, I didn’t even know the feeling or meaning of the word. Todd, another worker at the office constantly informed me how excited we should be to not be in city works or sanitation. I imagine it was his way of compromising his hopelessness with acceptance. It’s like being a mourner at your own funeral. I wouldn’t take the "mood supplements” supplied by most workplaces since I’d developed a weak stomach. They gave me heartburn. “Seriously?” Chase interrupted. “This is wrong. I heard you came from a warrior world. Designed by great kings to champion with skill and power. You are sired by greater kings than of old and can shake mountains. This isn’t the right story. ” “Don’t you think I know my own story?” John shouted and glared at the boy till he didn’t dare speak. “It’s my story. I don’t care what they’ve told you about me. Miracles? Bah. Victories? Accidents. You should know everything isn’t what it seems by now. We can’t escape what is chasing us so you should know who I am before we press on.” John stopped and looked down at his hands. “I don’t know how I ended up in this mix.” The clock on my wall told me it was almost morning, so I knew I had to leave soon. I took some extra time to go to work, since I refused to walk and had to wait in line for a cab. Walking was just too dangerous. Between the vagrant crisis and the possibility of a cab hitting you, I felt the hover cabs were less of a risk. Today, I was wrong. The cabs filled quickly and as I got ready to step on, the driver, who was loading the passengers randomly into the large seat-less box, stopped me. This wasn’t so unusual, and I assumed the cab was full. There was another one waiting behind so I stepped aside as the cabbie pilot slammed shut the metal loading shutters, climbed into the driver’s seat, and released the large metal docking clamps. Suddenly, the cab began to plummet it’s first fifteen feet before it’s boosters slammed the cabs contents against the back wall, and the cab shuddered off. The next cabbie stepped down from his cab and walked over to where I stood, now alone. He took my company chit, looked at me funny as his screen gave it’s destination. He loaded me in, and I braced myself for my solo trip. The feeling of thankfulness that there would be no piles of bodies thrown at me, passed quickly when my body smacked into the hard metal back wall with no additional human cushion. The trip was usually rough and short, so I was surprised when we continued longer than the short trip. With no windows, I had to assume that we had taken a different route due to some hazard or blockage. But I was wrong. And I didn’t know how wrong until the shuttle landed hard, tilted backwards, and a back hatch began to open upwards. And then, I knew that I’d been terminated. Knucklebraks, that had bought my life contract, had decided I was no longer worth living. The cab was perched on a tilting dock and i began to slide towards the open back door. The cabs had the smallest of handholds along the seams of the conjoined metal plates, and as I scrambled at them with my fingertips. Every scrap of my being, fighting against the gravity pulling me down towards the open drop into the dark far below. You’d think, at that point, that panic would have settled on me, a fear in my core for my very life. Yet, as I still sought some precious handhold, the emotion I was soaked in, was the feeling of inevitability. And not just of that moment, but of my life’s certain march towards this circumstance. And I hated it. I hated that I had never found a way to escape it all. I hated that there was no value on me. That I had accepted it all and has never found a way to change it. I was one of millions that would be discarded that day, and i would never know why. And as I slipped free into the open air, I hated myself.
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