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#it’s just. had other stuff to take care of and then recover from.
stonesandswords · 1 year
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#spent the day at my parents house for my birthday yesterday and i just … my mom is so god damn narcisstic i can’t#i’ve been volunteering A LOT lately; like an insane amount that i’ve been close with some of the other frequent volunteers#anyways my mom wanted to prep stuff to send off to where i volunteer for my birthday#annoying a bit cause it’s my day off but she got me right in the spot of care that she knew i’d never say no to that specific request#and we’re prepping the stuff for me to bring back to where i volunteer and she just looks at me and she’s like emotional#and she’s just looking at me like ‘wow i really did raise good kids didn’t i?’#WHEN I TELL YOU I ALMOST LOST MY SHIT#girl it’s my fucking birthday; a day that you have literally always co-opted to do what YOU want for my bday instead of what i want#we’re prepping stuff for a place where i’ve put in 3-5 days a week of hard volunteer work and face time with the people i work with#and it’s because i’m doing all of this in fucking spite of her#i volunteer with people who are homeless and my mom is proud of me despite the fact that she nearly abused me into homelessness for years??#like oh! you threatened to kick me out of the house when i was fucking 8 years old (that was the start; she threatened this for years)#she even went as far to literally ship me off to relatives ever summer for weeks at a time because she didn’t want to deal with me#i raised myself; i persisted myself; i raised my sisters; i raised my neighborhood; i did this all myself#i am strong and relentless and incredible and amazing all on my own#and i know this and try to hold myself high because of this#god damn it made me so angry that my mom thinks she’s responsible for all the love and care i put into the world#you narcissistic whacko#i put love and care into the world despite!; i had to fight for love and care; i had to find it for myself#the amount of trauma this woman inflicted on me and she wants to take credit for all the work i did in order to recover from her????#don’t get me wrong; i’m so incredibly proud of myself and all the hard work i’ve done to take care of myself#and the comment didn’t bother me at first; i just rolled my eyes#but it really is incredible how fucking stupid and narcisstic my mother is and now fucking badass i am#brain dumps
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reasonsforhope · 8 months
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Story from the Washington Post here, non-paywall version here.
Washington Post stop blocking linksharing and shit challenge.
"The young woman was catatonic, stuck at the nurses’ station — unmoving, unblinking and unknowing of where or who she was.
Her name was April Burrell.
Before she became a patient, April had been an outgoing, straight-A student majoring in accounting at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. But after a traumatic event when she was 21, April suddenly developed psychosis and became lost in a constant state of visual and auditory hallucinations. The former high school valedictorian could no longer communicate, bathe or take care of herself.
April was diagnosed with a severe form of schizophrenia, an often devastating mental illness that affects approximately 1 percent of the global population and can drastically impair how patients behave and perceive reality.
“She was the first person I ever saw as a patient,” said Sander Markx, director of precision psychiatry at Columbia University, who was still a medical student in 2000 when he first encountered April. “She is, to this day, the sickest patient I’ve ever seen.” ...
It would be nearly two decades before their paths crossed again. But in 2018, another chance encounter led to several medical discoveries...
Markx and his colleagues discovered that although April’s illness was clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia, she also had lupus, an underlying and treatable autoimmune condition that was attacking her brain.
After months of targeted treatments [for lupus] — and more than two decades trapped in her mind — April woke up.
The awakening of April — and the successful treatment of other people with similar conditions — now stand to transform care for some of psychiatry’s sickest patients, many of whom are languishing in mental institutions.
Researchers working with the New York state mental health-care system have identified about 200 patients with autoimmune diseases, some institutionalized for years, who may be helped by the discovery.
And scientists around the world, including Germany and Britain, are conducting similar research, finding that underlying autoimmune and inflammatory processes may be more common in patients with a variety of psychiatric syndromes than previously believed.
Although the current research probably will help only a small subset of patients, the impact of the work is already beginning to reshape the practice of psychiatry and the way many cases of mental illness are diagnosed and treated.
“These are the forgotten souls,” said Markx. “We’re not just improving the lives of these people, but we’re bringing them back from a place that I didn’t think they could come back from.” ...
Waking up after two decades
The medical team set to work counteracting April’s rampaging immune system and started April on an intensive immunotherapy treatment for neuropsychiatric lupus...
The regimen is grueling, requiring a month-long break between each of the six rounds to allow the immune system to recover. But April started showing signs of improvement almost immediately...
A joyful reunion
“I’ve always wanted my sister to get back to who she was,” Guy Burrell said.
In 2020, April was deemed mentally competent to discharge herself from the psychiatric hospital where she had lived for nearly two decades, and she moved to a rehabilitation center...
Because of visiting restrictions related to covid, the family’s face-to-face reunion with April was delayed until last year. April’s brother, sister-in-law and their kids were finally able to visit her at a rehabilitation center, and the occasion was tearful and joyous.
“When she came in there, you would’ve thought she was a brand-new person,” Guy Burrell said. “She knew all of us, remembered different stuff from back when she was a child.” ...
The family felt as if they’d witnessed a miracle.
“She was hugging me, she was holding my hand,” Guy Burrell said. “You might as well have thrown a parade because we were so happy, because we hadn’t seen her like that in, like, forever.”
“It was like she came home,” Markx said. “We never thought that was possible.”
...After April’s unexpected recovery, the medical team put out an alert to the hospital system to identify any patients with antibody markers for autoimmune disease. A few months later, Anca Askanase, a rheumatologist and director of the Columbia Lupus Center,who had been on April’s treatment team, approached Markx. “I think we found our girl,” she said.
Bringing back Devine
When Devine Cruz was 9, she began to hear voices. At first, the voices fought with one another. But as she grew older, the voices would talk about her, [and over the years, things got worse].
For more than a decade, the young woman moved in and out of hospitals for treatment. Her symptoms included visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as delusions that prevented her from living a normal life.
Devine was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which can result in symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She also was diagnosed with intellectual disability.
She was on a laundry list of drugs — two antipsychotic medications, lithium, clonazepam, Ativan and benztropine — that came with a litany of side effects but didn’t resolve all her symptoms...
She also had lupus, which she had been diagnosed with when she was about 14, although doctors had never made a connection between the disease and her mental health...
Last August, the medical team prescribed monthly immunosuppressive infusions of corticosteroids and chemotherapy drugs, a regime similar to what April had been given a few years prior. By October, there were already dramatic signs of improvement.
“She was like ‘Yeah, I gotta go,’” Markx said. “‘Like, I’ve been missing out.’”
After several treatments, Devine began developing awareness that the voices in her head were different from real voices, a sign that she was reconnecting with reality. She finished her sixth and final round of infusions in January.
In March, she was well enough to meet with a reporter. “I feel like I’m already better,” Devine said during a conversation in Markx’s office at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, where she was treated. “I feel myself being a person that I was supposed to be my whole entire life.” ...
Her recovery is remarkable for several reasons, her doctors said. The voices and visions have stopped. And she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria for either schizoaffective disorder or intellectual disability, Markx said...
Today, Devine lives with her mother and is leading a more active and engaged life. She helps her mother cook, goes to the grocery store and navigates public transportation to keep her appointments. She is even babysitting her siblings’ young children — listening to music, taking them to the park or watching “Frozen 2” — responsibilities her family never would have entrusted her with before her recovery.
Expanding the search for more patients
While it is likely that only a subset of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders have an underlying autoimmune condition, Markx and other doctors believe there are probably many more patients whose psychiatric conditions are caused or exacerbated by autoimmune issues...
The cases of April and Devine also helped inspire the development of the SNF Center for Precision Psychiatry and Mental Health at Columbia, which was named for the Stavros Niarchos Foundation, which awarded it a $75 million grant in April. The goal of the center is to develop new treatments based on specific genetic and autoimmune causes of psychiatric illness, said Joseph Gogos, co-director of the SNF Center.
Markx said he has begun care and treatment on about 40 patients since the SNF Center opened. The SNF Center is working with the New York State Office of Mental Health, which oversees one of the largest public mental health systems in America, to conduct whole genome sequencing and autoimmunity screening on inpatients at long-term facilities.
For “the most disabled, the sickest of the sick, even if we can help just a small fraction of them, by doing these detailed analyses, that’s worth something,” said Thomas Smith, chief medical officer for the New York State Office of Mental Health. “You’re helping save someone’s life, get them out of the hospital, have them live in the community, go home.”
Discussions are underway to extend the search to the 20,000 outpatients in the New York state system as well. Serious psychiatric disorders, like schizophrenia, are more likely to be undertreated in underprivileged groups. And autoimmune disorders like lupus disproportionately affect women and people of color with more severity.
Changing psychiatric care
How many people ultimately will be helped by the research remains a subject of debate in the scientific community. But the research has spurred excitement about the potential to better understand what is going on in the brain during serious mental illness...
Emerging research has implicated inflammation and immunological dysfunction as potential players in a variety of neuropsychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia, depression and autism.
“It opens new treatment possibilities to patients that used to be treated very differently,” said Ludger Tebartz van Elst, a professor of psychiatry and psychotherapy at University Medical Clinic Freiburg in Germany.
In one study, published last year in Molecular Psychiatry, Tebartz van Elst and his colleagues identified 91 psychiatric patients with suspected autoimmune diseases, and reported that immunotherapies benefited the majority of them.
Belinda Lennox, head of the psychiatry department at the University of Oxford, is enrolling patients in clinical trials to test the effectiveness of immunotherapy for autoimmune psychosis patients.
As a result of the research, screenings for immunological markers in psychotic patients are already routine in Germany, where psychiatrists regularly collect samples from cerebrospinal fluid.
Markx is also doing similar screening with his patients. He believes highly sensitive and inexpensive blood tests to detect different antibodies should become part of the standard screening protocol for psychosis.
Also on the horizon: more targeted immunotherapy rather than current “sledgehammer approaches” that suppress the immune system on a broad level, said George Yancopoulos, the co-founder and president of the pharmaceutical company Regeneron.
“I think we’re at the dawn of a new era. This is just the beginning,” said Yancopoulos."
-via The Washington Post, June 1, 2023
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schrodingerscougar · 2 months
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Note: the 2nd part for this. fem!reader. cheating. i didn’t think you would like it so much, but since you did, here’s part two.
•••
Maybe if he watched you close enough, if he kept an eye on you while he was near, Simon would get the answers he was looking for. All he wanted was a glimpse into your mind, a glint in your eyes that would give away why you’d spent those nights by his side without saying anything about it.
The mission was slowly coming to an end, and he had overheard you and Johnny talk about your plans for your time home. The Scotsman offered to go on a short trip with you to Rome, visiting the city you’d read so much about in the past year or so. Going there was a promise you made to yourself on New Year’s Day and he was more than happy to help make it happen.
“Have you introduced her to your family?” Simon asked Johnny one evening when they went out for a drink.
The younger man gave him a confused look, but once the lieutenant motioned towards the corner of the bar where you were deep in a conversation with Laswell, his lips formed a flat line and he nodded a few times. “Yeah, well, I mentioned her once to my sister, and the next thing I know, my mother’s blowing up my phone. I’d rather keep her away from this insanity,” he explained.
“Wise choice.”
He hated this. He hated to know that Johnny was dating you, he hated to keep up this nice conversation with him, all while he was struggling to find out why you cared about him back then. His mind was full of stupid ideas again, that maybe you weren’t that deeply in love with the fellow sergeant. What if he was just your backup plan? What if the one you truly wanted was him?
Fucking hell. He was truly losing his grip.
“I’m going back to the base.”
Simon looked to the side, only to find you standing there with this adorable warm smile on your perfect, kissable lips. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Johnny taking your hand, his fingers lacing with yours before he raised it to his mouth to place a soft kiss on it.
He definitely didn’t have the right to be upset about it. Yet, he felt a pang of jealousy, and he was maybe even offended by the way Johnny’s blue eyes shined when he looked at you. His mind was telling him it should be him, even though he knew it was against the regulations.
“Let me finish my drink and I’ll walk you back,” Johnny said, but you just shook your head and told him he should take his time, have fun, and maybe he should talk to the others too. “You think I’m ignoring them? Well, I do spend a lot of time in the Lt’s company, that’s true,” he mused.
After he took a glance at the empty glass next to him, Simon had an idea. “I’m done for today anyway, I can go with her if you don’t want her to go alone,” he offered.
While Johnny seemed happy that he was kind enough to go with you, you looked hesitant. Unsure. Damn, if he didn’t know any better he would’ve said you looked scared for a moment. But why would you be scared? He didn’t do anything that could scare you.
In the end you agreed, so the two of you were soon out on the street, walking side by side. The need to reach out and take your hand poisoned Simon’s mind, and he decided to stuff his hands into the pockets of his jacket instead. He glanced over at you every so often, enjoying the view that he wouldn’t see for a few weeks at least.
“Why did you stay by my side in the infirmary while I was recovering?” he suddenly asked, his eyes fixed on you to see your facial expression.
And sure enough, at first you looked shocked. “What do you mean?” you inquired innocently.
With a sigh, Simon came to a halt and grabbed your wrist to make you stop as well. “I saw you there. And the doctor confirmed that you spent every night there with me while I was knocked out.”
“Look, it’s—”
“Why? I need to know,” he pressed on.
You buried your fingers into your hair as you spinned on your heels to turn away from him. “I don’t know, I just didn’t want you to be alone,” you admitted.
Once he took a deep breath, he was quick to blow it out. “So you stayed out of pity?”
“No! I mean… God, Ghost, I don’t know, okay? It just didn’t feel right to let you lie there on your own, I didn’t want you to wake up alone, and—”
He shouldn’t have done it, but it felt so good. Because Simon launched forward, his big palm placed on the back of your neck as his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen from surprise, but then you returned his kiss, lips moving against each other in perfect sync. He had been waiting for this for so long that he couldn’t even believe it was happening.
He was only pulled back to reality by your voice after you pulled away and took a few steps away from him. “What the hell are you doing?” you asked. “Fuck, what the hell am I doing?”
“It’s okay, we can always pretend it never happened,” he said with an aching heart.
“You don’t get it, do you?” When Simon shrugged and shook his head, you walked back to him and poked his chest with your index finger. “I’m with Johnny, this is totally against the rules, and no matter how badly I always wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you, this can’t happen again. But I know it happened and it’s going to torture me now.”
With a gulp, Simon nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me,” he said with a sigh.
To his surprise, you put a hand on his now masked cheek, a move so gentle that he was beginning to get very confused. And when you pulled down his mask, things got even more confusing, because you stood on your toes and kissed him again. This time you let yourself go, your fingers grabbing a fistful of his hair as you moaned against his lips.
“We should get going,” you said once you let him go and pulled his mask back to its place.
“I don’t understand what’s going on.”
Instead of answering, you flashed a smile at him, making his life a living hell by playing an innocent angel. But then you curled your finger to make him come a little closer. “Neither do I. But we will have to figure it out.”
(part 3)
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luveline · 5 days
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hellooo I have a request for Spencer x bombshell! reader (I'm not sure if you've done this before and if you have I apologise!!) but like they're on a case and one of them gets pretty badly hurt somehow & then the other is really worried about them & stuff and then I'm not sure (I think this could be good but not the way that I have spoken about it and so I'm very very sorry!!)
u r so awesome don’t worry!!
cw canon typical violence and injury
Everything is crisp and quiet at the precipice of the stakeout. You adjust your gun where it’s poised over the roof of an SUV away from a moving officer’s body. The negotiator adjusts the megaphone at their thigh nervously, waiting for Hotch’s go ahead. You’re all waiting for it. A hand raised, sending you in, hostage recovered, a long case coming to a short close. 
“Don’t forget your leg,” Spencer says to you under his breath. 
“Trust me, babe, I can’t forget it,” you say back, glancing quickly at him to your left. He’s facing forward, trained on the window where you’d last seen the unsub. The distance between you both and the danger is small, less than three feet of space. You and Spencer don’t have a clear shot, the agent’s behind you better equipped and better trained, but you can make do in a pinch. 
“Hurting?” he whispers. 
“Half as bad as it was yesterday.” 
“I have a bad feeling.” 
“Yeah?” You follow Hotch’s hand. The negotiation begins. You and Spencer don’t talk again. 
The unsub is sour, the victim terrified. When the screaming inside begins in earnest, the FBI rolls inside, confident in taking down the unsub, if a little worried about the victims wellbeing. You and Spencer sweep in less than ten inches away from each other, unafraid, and you don’t see the sledgehammer until it’s hitting you in the jaw, spraying blood like dark ink over Spencer’s pale cheek. 
“I don’t care if that’s what you recommend.” A drag of a soft touch somewhere on your skin. “Sincerely. I want a second opinion.” 
“It’s a mandibular fracture, we have a suitable follow up procedure.” 
“I understand, but I’m doing what she’d want me to do. When she wakes up, she’ll say the same thing, and so there’s no point in starting the paperwork for a procedure she won’t agree to.” 
“I doubt her cosmetic preferences will outweigh functionality.” 
It’s Spencer’s voice, Spencer’s hand on your leg. He’s reaching back to hold you as he defends you. “Respectfully, you don’t know her. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. She needs peace and quiet.” 
The doctor harrumphs but leaves. Quiet is restored, and for a while you doze, the only thing at your attention Spencer’s hand where it climbs. He takes your hand. You know his fingers well where they twine between yours. 
A few hours pass by in sluggish slee, the bed elevated to an uncomfortable sitting position. 
“Hey?” he asks, fingertips to the hill of your shoulder. “Are you waking up?” 
You can’t make your mouth form words. Your eyes flash open in shock.
“Hey, don’t panic. I’m sorry, I’m going to explain, but please don’t panic.” 
You wait. 
Spencer stands in a rumpled shirt, hair in his eyes, glasses slipping down his nose. “Your jaw is broken, fractured, actually, pretty badly. You’ve had so much pain relief over the last few hours I’m surprised you can even open your eyes, and it’s good you’re struggling to move your mouth because it would only hurt anyways.” He claps your arm gently. “I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere though, okay? I’m right here.” 
That’s not what scares you; you know Spencer’s gonna stay. It’s not a question. 
Your hand strays up to your face. 
“It’s not bad,” he swears, and perhaps lies. 
“Spence,” you manage, a croak that aches and lisps at once. 
“It’s okay,” he says, leaning down. “Please don’t get upset.” 
You blink tearfully. You don’t remember what happened, just the flash of pain and now Spencer looking down at you like you’re wounded. He sits carefully on the side of your bed and grabs you by the waist, two hands on your sides and arms resting on your stomach, like a hug that hasn’t crept forward. 
“You won’t like the bruise,” he says apologetically. 
“Bad?” you whisper. 
“It’s all the way up to your eye. He also chipped two of your teeth… I’m so sorry, angel. It was my fault.” He thumbs your ribs. “I’ll fix everything. I already talked to your dentist, and tonight they’re coming back to talk about your plastics because the blow split your skin, okay? But you're mostly fixed already.” 
“‘M I… still pretty?” you ask. 
“Still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” he says, not half as shyly as he’d usually would. 
You cry panicked, dribbly tears. He rubs shapes into your sides and swears again that it’ll all be okay, and it’s not that you don’t believe him, it’s just that it’s really starting to hurt. 
“Had a bad feeling,” he says, wiping your tears as gently as he can before they can wet the bandaging on your jaw.
“Did you get him for me?” you ask. 
Morgan clears his throat from the doorway to announce his arrival, a coffee cup in hand, pastry bag hanging between his pinky and marriage finger. He sounds like he’s about to laugh, “Did you, lover boy?” He beams at you. “I’ve never seen him pistol whip someone before. You would’ve loved it.”
You groan in agony. Missing out on seeing that is almost as bad as breaking your jaw. 
“I’ll recreate it for you,” Spencer promises. 
“And now it’s time for him to eat,” Morgan says, putting the pastry bag on the bed, “and get some sleep. He hasn’t slept in the two days you’ve been in here.”
“I had important stuff to take care of,” he says, rubbing your side. “While you couldn’t do it yourself.”
“Sleep,” you insist through your achy mouth.
Spencer’s eyes go soft and sad. “I will.”
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tightjeansjavi · 1 year
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Tongue Tied
Joel Miller x f!reader
NSFW 🔞
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A/N: I came up with this idea at work 😵‍💫 this one specifically is for @chaotic-mystery you’re welcome bby! This can be read as a stand-alone piece or a blurb/one-shot for ‘Burning in a Hopeless Dream’
Summary: a game of spin the bottle ends exactly how you imagine it to; you and Joel, a headboard banging, and tongues tied.
~word count : 4.2k~
Warnings: possessive! joel, jealous! joel, a lil feral and horny! joel, established relationship, swearing, tension, mentions of alcohol, smut, filth, consent, teasing, fingering, unprotected p in v (wrap that willy) oral (f receiving) a huge fucking praise kink, nicknames, cock warming, like just a whole lot of filth. Y’all get the warnings. (+18) minors dni !
Songs used:
“Small Talk” by Niall Horan
“Tonight you are Mine” by The Technicolors
“Dirty Love” by Mt. Joy
“Talk” by Hozier
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It was Joel’s brilliant idea to throw you a ‘we’re so glad the knife didn’t go too deep!’ Party.
For some context, just two months ago, you were stabbed by one of Robert’s henchmen. You nearly bled out on Joel and Tess’s kitchen table. Joel was at your side the entire time you were recovering and now that you fully healed, what better way to celebrate than with a little dark humor, real fucking booze, and good company.
Tess had brought her friend Bea over and you already had your sneaking suspicion that they were an item already. Or, at the very least, they were 1000% fucking. Joel was a little slow with these sorts of things but you knew in time, he would figure it out. Regardless, you were happy for Tess and your friendship was seemingly coming full circle. Hell had certainly freezed over at that point. You, and Tess? Friends? Who would have ever thought that was even fucking possible. I guess you almost bleeding to death on the kitchen table was enough for her to finally end the quarrel between you two.
“Where in the hell did you manage to find some real fucking whiskey Tess?”
You were sitting across Joel’s lap on the couch. His arm was loosely wrapped around your waist, his fingers lightly holding onto the side of your hip where the soft skin there met your thigh. He always had to be touching you somehow. Being affectionate was something that Joel really never understood, nor cared for, but you changed his view on it. Now? He couldn’t get enough of you, or your skin on his. He was painfully addicted, royally and utterly fucked, because of you.
You felt him lightly tap his fingers against the sliver of skin exposed under your t-shirt as he took a sip from his own glass.
“Would you believe me if I told you those Fedra fucks somehow have their own stash of top-shelf booze?”
You brought the rim of the glass to your lips, taking a small sip and you could feel Joel staring at you. Not in a weird, or creepy way. He was admiring you.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Makes me hate them just a little bit more than I already do. Seriously though, what did you have to do to get this stuff?”
Tess laughed and took a sip from her own glass as she leaned back against the wall. “A handjob and a real quick one at that. Dude lasted all of 30 seconds. It was pretty pathetic but hey, I wanted to make sure you could taste some of the real fucking stuff for once. You earned it.”
Joel let out a weird noise, covering it with a chuckle over the rim of his glass. He had lightly squeezed your hip.
You weren’t even phased by Tess’s answer in the slightest.
“30 fucking seconds? Now that is honestly really pathetic. I appreciate you putting yourself through that bullshit. This stuff is definitely better than the other crap we’ve been drinking. So thank you again.” You raised your glass in her direction, a small grin on your lips.
Tess mirrored your actions, raising her glass in your direction before taking a sip.
“Just don’t expect me to put myself through that ever again, alright?”
You giggled, leaning back against Joel’s broad chest, shaking your head.
“Oh god, No! I will never expect you to put yourself through that again!”
It was Tess’s idea for everyone to play a friendly game of spin the bottle. As soon as she suggested it, Joel was grumbling about how it was a stupid game for teenagers and that he would not be participating in those kinds of shenanigans.
“Tess. I ain’t playin’ a silly little girls game. That shit is for teenagers. Do I look like a fuckin’ teenager to you?”
“No, but you’re fucking acting like one right now, Texas. Besides, if you get lucky enough, you’ll get to kiss your girl. C’mon, just one round.”
“I ain’t gotta get lucky enough to kiss her. Can kiss her whenever I want.” He gruffly spoke.
You gave him a light jab to his side with your elbow, turning around in his lap and gave him a warning look.
“Keep acting like that and you’re never gonna get to kiss me again cowboy.”
Joel narrowed his eyes at you challengingly. His eyebrow quirked up in your direction as he leaned in close enough for you to taste the warm whiskey on his breath.
“You wanna fuckin’ bet on that one sugar?” He went to brush his thumb against your plush, lower lip when you had given his chest a light shove, fighting the urge to roll your eyes.
“Shuddup. You and I both know you’re not gonna win this one, honey. So get up from this fuckin couch and play this game with us. Or, you’re sleeping alone tonight.”
Joel grumbled something under his breath as he stared at you for a minute longer. He was trying to gauge if you were bullshitting him but by the way you stared right back, he knew you were dead serious.
“Fuckin’ gonna get you back for this sweetheart. You’ll see.”
You reached over and gave his cheek a light, affectionate pat, brushing your thumb against the coarse hair on his beard.
“Mhm. I’m sure you will, cowboy.”
Tess and Bea were already sat on the floor across from each other, an old empty beer bottle between them.
“Jesus fuck. You guys just gonna continue to eye fuck eachother or are we gonna play the game? Just one round, and then we’ll get out of your hair so you guys can rip each other's clothes off.” Tess said with a grin.
Your cheeks heated up at the slightest, from Tess’s crudeness, and the warm whiskey flowing through your veins.
You stood up from the couch, turning to look back at your lover, who was staring right back at you.
“C’mon Joel. Don’t make me ask you again.”
When he rolled his eyes in response, you wasted no time to grab his hand, yanking him up from the couch in one swift movement.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ woman. Alright, alright. I’m up.” He begrudgingly took a seat across from you on the worn carpet.
“We all know the rules, right? I mean..they’re fairly simple anyway.”
“Yeah, Tess. Just fuckin’ get on with it already.” Joel grumbled.
Tess turned to you and pushed the bottle in your direction.
“Think you get the first honors of spinning. Only fair after what you went through.”
You held your hand against your chest in mock shock as Tess gave you the first spin.
“Really? Wow, Tess. I think I’m going to document this moment forever.” You jokingly said.
“Oh, shut up. You’re lucky I actually have learned how to tolerate you. Now go on, spin.”
“I’m so loved.” You said with a giggle before grasping the bottle between your fingers, glancing at the three of them before you spun The bottle.
It spinned a few times before slowly coming to a stop. The opened end of the bottle was pointed directly at Tess.
You glanced at Joel for a moment. His brows were furrowed in slightly as he observed where the bottle was pointing. He was unashamedly looking forward to this, and you could tell just by the way he took his time with bringing the rim of his glass to his lips. His eyes were locked on yours, a smirk appearing.
“Well, you gonna kiss her baby doll?”
You could tell Tess was a little hesitant as she looked at you. You on the other hand? You were already scooting towards her. The liquor was giving you a bit of confidence boost as you reached for her face, gently holding her cheeks in your warm palms.
“You good with this?” You asked, while stroking your thumbs against her soft skin gently.
Tess had given you a slight nod of consent before you leaned in, just lightly brushing your lips against hers, your eyes fluttering shut as you pulled her in close. You teased her for a moment before fully pressing your lips against hers.
Much to everyone’s surprise, Tess kissed you back as she reached up, threading her fingers through your hair.
The kiss lasted all of 30 seconds as you bit down on her lower lip, tugging it out with your teeth before gently releasing it.
Tess had given you one last peck before she pulled back, grabbing what was left of her glass and tossed it down her throat.
“Fuck, I see why you like her so much Miller. She’s a damn fuckin good kisser.”
Joel was looking right at you as he spoke, nodding his head.
“Mhm. She damn well is. Don’t go gettin’ any ideas about stealin’ my girl Tess. She’s all mine, and I don’t take kindly to sharin’.”
You were used to Joel’s possessive nature by now. You lived through it. For some reason, hearing him say ‘my girl’ did something to you. You were absolutely counting down the minutes till Tess and Bea would leave so that you could have Joel all to yourself.
A few more rounds were played, much to Joel’s disapproval. You had ended up kissing Tess a couple more times and when you had slid into her lap at one point, Joel had enough. You could tell he was jealous just by the clench of his jaw, the furrow of his brows and the way he clutched the whiskey glass in his fist. You were afraid if he held it any tighter, the glass would surely break.
Whoops.
Tess and Bea got the memo pretty quick and had left after you crawled out her lap, an innocent look stricken across your pretty face.
“Did ya enjoy yourself sweetheart?” Joel was absentmindedly spinning the bottle now, his gaze falling on you.
“Mhm. Best, ‘we’re so glad the knife didn’t go deeper’ party ever.”
“Mmm. Thought so. You really liked kissin’ on Tess like that huh? You gonna save any of that for me?”
You were leaned back on your elbows as you looked over at him, an eyebrow raised in a suggestive manner.
“You jealous or something cowboy? You looked to be enjoying yourself as well. How about you take a final spin? See if you get lucky tonight.”
“Mmm. I ain’t got nothin’ to be jealous about when I know I get you at the end of the night.”
He spun the bottle once and watched it land facing you. You could both feel the air getting thick with tension. The chemistry was absolutely sizzling, sending all the warning signs that it was about to explode.
“Guess you are getting lucky tonight.”
Joel didn’t even have a moment to respond before you were in his lap, straddling his hips. The tension had shattered when he immediately grasped your hips between his rough, calloused palms. He bunched the thin fabric of your t-shirt up so he could finally touch your warm skin, he felt the goosebumps rising already.
“C’mon pretty girl. Kiss me already, please. You gonna make me beg ya?” He drawled.
You loved having Joel beneath you like this and at your mercy. You loved the way he looked up at you with his deep, puppy dog brown eyes. His lips were held in a slight pout as you brushed your thumb across his lower lip, watching as he nibbled on the tip of your finger.
God, submissive Joel was so fucking sexy.
You leaned down, grabbing his face in your hands before you finally kissed him, slotting your lips together as you held control of the situation. You knew it would only for a short moment before he’d take over. He lowly mumbled against your lips, your tongues tangled, teeth clashing.
“How do you want me tonight baby? You want it sweet? Rough? Filthy?”
He slid his hands up the expanse of your back, his fingers splayed out against your skin.
“All of the above, cowboy. I fucking want it all.”
He flipped you over onto your back with ease, yanking you down so you were underneath him. He was gripping your chin between his fingers, while his thumb brushed against your lower lip. Now you were looking up at him, anticipating his next move, while you wrapped your lips around the tip of his thumb, eyelashes fluttering. The sight of you beneath him, looking so needy, so pretty for him, had his cock twitching in his jeans.
“Look at you baby. You look so fuckin pretty for me honey. Fuck. Don’t look at me with those eyes. Y’know what those things do to me? Fuckin’ got me meltin’ like putty.” His Texas accent was thick, warm, deep, and it settled deliciously between your legs. You were aching for him already.
“Joel. Baby, please. C’mon.”
“Shh. I know, pretty girl. Gonna treat you real good, okay? You know I will. I got you, you got me. Now wrap your legs ‘round me. Ain’t gonna fuck you on the floor. Next time, Kay sugar? Want you on the bed.”
Joel didn’t have to ask you twice as you wrapped your thighs around his hips while he lifted you up into his arms with ease, grasping you by the outside of your thighs.
He managed to reattach his lips to yours while he carried you down the hall, using his hip to push open your shared bedroom. You only had a moment to breathe when he had tossed you onto the mattress. Your lips were swollen, and your face flushed as you watched him pull his shirt over his head with one hand.
It easily was one of the sexiest things a man could do. Even more sexy because Joel Miller was your man. Your fellow, your guy.
You let out a soft, heart clenching giggle as he crawled on top of you, peppering your face with warm kisses. His beard lightly scraped at your skin but you didn’t mind. You fucking loved it.
“Fuckin’ damn near lost my mind when you kissed Tess like that. Fuckin’ filthy of you to climb in her lap. What would have happened if I wasn’t in the room? Hmm sweet girl? Bet you woulda kept goin’.”
His kisses moved from your face to your jaw, and down your neck. He was sucking greedily at your tender flesh. His teeth, lips and tongue worked in a steady flow as he left his marks upon you. He loved the way you would grip his hair, and scrape your nails against his scalp. The feeling had his eyes rolling back into his skull.
“Joel..” you whimpered out his name as he continued to mark you up.
“Yeah, baby? Is it too much? Want me to stop?” He mumbled against your skin. His fingers were pushing your shirt back up, exposing more of your skin. His fingertips lightly brushed against your navel.
“Don’t stop, please. I need more. Joel, baby give me more.”
“Needy little thing for me, huh? Don’t want me to take my time with ya? Mmm..I think you can be a little patient, right sweet girl?”
“Touch me or so help me god—“
His fingers were at the waistband of your jeans, he had popped the button open and was now toying with the zipper.
He loved holding you over the edge like this.
“What’re gonna do about it if I don’t give you what you want, honey? C’mon. Be a good girl for me.”
You let out a frustrated huff, a whine slipping past your throat because you were that fucking desperate for his touch. You absolutely craved it.
“Joel, please. Want you, want your fingers, your tongue. Want it all, please. Please just fucking touch me.”
He chuckled while he slowly dragged your zipper down, slipping his fingers between the waistband of your jeans and your panties.
“Mmm. Well, since you said please…”
He brushed his fingers against your clit, watching as your pretty lips fell open and he drank it all in.
“Take your shirt off for me, sugar. Play with your pretty tits while I play with your pussy, Kay? Fuckin’ wet for me already. Absolutely drippin.’ That for me, or Tess?”
“Both.” You deadpanned as you wasted no time to lift your shirt above your head, tossing it to the side.
Joel couldn’t help but lean down and wrap his lips around one of your peaked buds as he sank his teeth against the sensitive skin, causing your body to jolt up slightly.
He had used his free hand, that wasn’t teasing you, to push your jeans down your legs. He yanked them down past your ankles, along with your panties.
All it took was for him to tap your thigh lightly and you were spreading your legs for him as if on command.
Damn him.
“Absolutely fuckin filthy. Look at you baby. Drippin’ for me, and Tess.”
He was teasing your slick folds, watching your face the entire time, with intensity. He watched your mouth go slack when he had slowly slipped in two of his fingers, pumping them slowly. He loved the way your eyes rolled back when he curled them against the soft, spongy texture of your walls.
Your moans filled the small room deliciously. He couldn’t wait to have you screaming so loud, the neighbors and patrolling FEDRA fucks would be able to hear you from outside.
“Feels good, huh baby? I gotta have a taste. Will you let me, sweet girl? Will you let me have a taste of your pretty little pussy?”
You grabbed his face, roughly pulling him down to you by his chin. You kissed him hard, tasting the smooth whiskey on his tongue, knocking the air out of your lungs and his. “Have a taste, cowboy.”
You pulled away from the searing kiss, your fingers still wrapped around his soft curls as you guided his head down, with zero hesitation.
“Fuckin’ don’t have to ask me twice.” He gruffly responded as he dragged his lips down your navel, scooting himself lower, on his knees. He used his free hand to yank you closer to him, holding his hand down against your stomach firmly with his arm wrapped around you, locking you in place.
He wasted no time to press a kiss to your aching cunt, dragging his tongue across your clit as he continued to curl his fingers. The combination was mind-numbing.
He had you moaning his name as if it was a fucking prayer. Each swipe of his tongue, each time he hit that spot that had you seeing stars, your moans would rise an octave. All for him. Your fellow, your guy.
“Sound so fuckin pretty for me baby. So fuckin pretty.” He mumbled against you, his mouth full of your pussy.
“F-f—fuck Joel. I’m—fuck. So good baby. So fuckin good.”
“Don’t come for me yet honey. Not yet, I know, sweet girl. Don’t give in.”
His beard was slightly scraping against your inner thighs, he shook his head back and forth, causing his nose to bump against your aching clit and your thighs to close in around his head. He surely had deep scratches along his scalp from how hard you were digging your nails into him.
“J—Joel! Fuck—stop! Stop! I can’t—baby I can’t hold on much longer!
His tongue was fiercely lapping at you now, your thighs squeezing, trembling around his head. You never thought the overwhelming euphoria would end till he lifting his mouth from you. His beard, and lips were coated in your arousal. His pupils darkened as he looked up at you.
Your other hand was toying with your breasts, pinching the sensitive nubs between your fingers as you panted, catching your breath as you looked down at your lover.
“Can I have a taste, please?” You breathed out.
He slipped his fingers out, they were coated in your arousal as he sat up on his knees, bringing them down to your lips, smearing them with your cum before he slipped them in. He watched as you wrapped your lips around his fingers, dragging your tongue across the ridges, your eyes fiercely locked on his.
“So fuckin’ pretty for me. You like the way you taste baby? You taste so fuckin’ sweet darlin’.”
He slipped his fingers out slowly, replacing them with his lips as he kissed you hard. Slipping his tongue past your lips with ease. There was something so erotic about you and him tasting your cum together.
You hear the sound of his belt clanking, his jeans dragging down his legs as he rid himself of his clothes, tossing them onto the floor with yours.
You were already pulling him in as close as possible when you felt his tip pressing against the side of your thigh, while his other hand was firmly wrapped around the headboard.
“Gonna scream for me darlin.’? Gonna let the neighbors fuckin’ know you’re mine?” He had detached his lips from yours, momentarily. His forehead gently resting against yours as he dragged his tip against your slick folds, letting out a low hiss.
“Loud enough that they’re gonna think I’m getting murdered, cowboy.”
“Mmm. That’s exactly what I fuckin like to hear. You ready baby? I got you, you got me.”
Joel always knew how to get your heart skipping a beat, and the butterflies in your stomach flapping. Even when you were fucking.
“I got you, you got me.” You let out a soft sigh when he slowly pressed into you, you loved the way he filled you up to the brim, each time. He stretched you deliciously. Nothing about Joel Miller was small, and you fucking loved it.
“Fuckin’ hell. So tight for me. So fuckin tight. Goddamn. Don’t think I’m ever gonna get used to being buried inside this pretty pussy. Grippin’ me so well. So good for me baby.” Joel praised you as he sank into your warmth.
His pubic bone was nudging yours. That’s how deep he was enveloped inside you.
Just where he always wanted to be.
“S’okay? Feelin’ good honey?’ He pressed a kiss to your jaw, nipping lightly at your chin as he dipped his head down.
You nodded, glancing down at where your bodies were connected while you brought your arms around his neck, threading your fingers through the back of his hair.
“S’good baby.”
He let out a breath of air as he drew his hips back before thrusting them forward, he repeated this motion a few more times, listening to the sound his hips would make when they smacked against your skin.
You brought your leg around his hip, digging the heel of your foot into his ass, pushing him in deeper as he started to pick up the pace, his jaw going slack as you clenched around him.
The headboard was smacking against the wall, the shitty mattress squeaking beneath the weight of his thrusts.
The room was thick in the stench of sex, and two lovers in the middle of it all.
Joel’s groans entwined with your moans as he rammed into you. His fingers were holding onto your hip so tightly, you surely would have bruises in the morning.
“That’s it baby doll. Takin’ me so fuckin’ good. Always so good for me baby. Fuckin’ can stay buried in you all fuckin’ night. Drunk off this pretty little pussy. Drunk off you darlin’.” His words came out jagged, in between groans as he dipped his head down to capture your lips once more.
Your tongues tied, teeth clashing, senses on overdrive.
This is where you always wanted to be.
His thrusts grew sloppy, uncoordinated as he came close to hitting his high. In the midst of his peaking orgasm, Joel was always attentive to make sure you got there before him. So it came as no surprise when he had released your hip from his harsh grip, and brought his hand down between where your bodies were connected and rubbed his thumb against your clit.
“That’s it, pretty girl. So fuckin close. You gonna cum for me honey? C’mon, I’ve got you. You’re safe. C’mon baby, let go!”
Your eyes rolled back into your skull as you came around him, clenching around his thick cock as your thighs quivered, and shook. He came shortly after you, his body shuttering as his orgasm rippled through him. He groaned out your name, his own personal prayer as he came undone, collapsing into your arms in a sweaty heap.
You both laughed as you came to your senses. Your fingers were gently playing with his sweaty hair, his cheek was pressed against your chest, his eyes blissfully closed. He refused to move, even as he went soft inside of you, his cum dripping down your thighs. You both felt safe here in each other's arms.
“That’s the last time you’re gonna say no to playing spin the bottle with me, right?” You whispered, your eyes closed as you rested your chin against the top of his sweat soaked head.
He hummed, bringing his arms around you, holding you close. “Mmm. Never gonna say no to you again baby. Never again.”
He was too tired to move, you were spent as well, so it came natural for him to fall asleep inside of you. Notched together, bodies entwined, right where you both always wanted to be.
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mrwavellswaps · 7 months
Text
Taking It For Granted
Eric was busy getting ready for work as usual when he glanced over at his boyfriend Ajax who was still laid in bed in nothing but his underwear. Even now Ajax couldn’t help subtly running his hands along his abs and legs.
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“Are you gonna actually get out of bed sometime today or are you just gonna keep groping yourself all morning?” Eric asked as he straightened his tie.
Ajax chuckled in response. “Sorry babe. Hard not to admire all this sometimes.” He gave a quick flex before sliding out of bed and sauntering over to Eric. “You should know. You were the one kissing my biceps last night.” He grinned before leaning in and giving his boyfriend a soft kiss followed by a slap on the ass before making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Eric watched the sway of Ajax’s muscular body as he walked away. Over the last couple of days he’d noticed a change in his boyfriend. Subtle things from the way he talked to the way he carried himself. He was more joyous and bouncy than ever before. Not to mention how he seemed to check himself out at every given opportunity. Ajax had always been proud of his physique but recently it seemed like he just couldn’t stop flexing and squeezing his muscles. Just seeing his own reflection seemed to make his day now. Not to mention his attitude had completely shifted.
A week prior to this Eric and Ajax’s relationship had been hanging on by a thread. They’d been arguing more and more over the past few months. It’d started with petty disagreements that blew up bigger and bigger until finally they had a full fight which ended in Ajax storming off. After that Eric thought it was over. After how badly they’d been getting on he couldn’t see a way for their relationship to recover.
A few hours later however, Ajax returned. Part of Eric was expecting him to start packing up his stuff but instead he gave the most heartfelt apology Eric had ever heard. He had no idea what had caused such a change in Ajax but in the moment he didn’t question it. Eric apologised too and afterwards Ajax promised he’d be better. So so much better. Before long Eric found himself jumping into Ajax’s strong arms as they made their way to the bedroom before having some of the steamiest makeup sex they’d ever had.
After falling into bed together they’d begun ripping off each other’s clothes like animals. Ajax however seemed particularly horny. He was rock hard and eager to fuck. Yet before that he took an immense satisfaction in allowing Eric to explore the size and contours of his muscles. As if it were the first time he was being admired like this. Eric didn’t care though, he’d always loved Ajax’s chiseled physique. Almost as much as he loved taking Ajax’s fat cock up his ass which is exactly what he got. He didn’t know quite what’d gotten into his hunky boyfriend that night as out of nowhere Eric found himself receiving the best sex of his life! Getting pounded from all sorts of different positions in such a way that had him cumming over himself not once but twice! Ajax had never been bad at fucking but last night it was like he’d been possessed by a sex demon who’d demolished Eric’s hole before dumping a massive load inside.
Since then Ajax had been like a totally different person. Alongside the slight differences in the way he spoke and carried himself, he was also far more affectionate and thoughtful. Whereas before he’d grown quite distant, now he always wanted to kiss and cuddle. Always giving sweet compliments and wanting to be closer. Not to mention they’d been fucking like rabbits ever since making up.
It was a complete 180 to his former attitude and Eric would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. After all, even when they’d been having terrible arguments, he still loved Ajax more than anything. Only difference now was that it actually felt healthy again. That said Eric didn’t want to question it. Everything seemed perfect but there was one thing he just couldn’t get out of his head. Something that the old man who lived across the street said the morning after him and Ajax made up…
———
Four days earlier Eric found himself waking with a sore asshole to the sound of shouting coming from the front door. After turning to see Ajax wasn’t in bed next to him, Eric quickly got up to see what all the commotion was, walking a little funny down the stairs after the railing he’d gotten last night. When he got there however, he was surprised to see none other than old Mr Jenkins have some kind of blow up at Ajax. Eric could hardly understand half of what he was saying. Something about needing to fix something and not wanting to be old? He even called Ajax a “sadistic body thief” whatever that meant.
Eric quickly decided to step in and see what the problem was and immediately Mr Jenkin’s switched his attention to him. Right away he started coming out with some of the most insane things Eric had ever heard!
“I’m not Mr Jenkins!” He would shout. “You have to believe me Eric! I’m Ajax! He stole my fucking body!” He screamed while pointing at Ajax. There was a fury in Mr Jenkins’ eyes that Eric had never seen before. He was completely out of his mind! “I don’t know how you did this but you’re gonna undo it back you crazy asshole!” He continued.
Ajax put his hands up. “How many times do I have to say it? I don’t know what the hell you’re going on about.” He then glanced at Eric before whispering. “I think he’s gone nuts. He won’t stop yelling about some invasion of the body snatchers type of shit.”
“I’M NOT CRAZY! GIVE IT BACK YOU OLD BASTARD!” Mr Jenkins looked as though he was ready to launch himself at Ajax in a fury with what little strength his elderly body had before Eric stepped between them.
Eric couldn’t help feeling bad for the elderly man. Of course he didn’t believe a word he was saying. It was insane not to mention impossible. His only guess as to what was going on was that Mr Jenkins’ was suffering from his old age. Dementia perhaps? Whatever the case it was clear to Eric that he needed help. He tried to calm the old man down but nothing helped. Only continuing to curse at Ajax while begging Eric to believe him. Apparently the other neighbours had overheard all the commotion because not too long after a police car rode up outside the house.
With Eric and Ajax explaining what’d happened and Mr Jenkins’ still screaming bloody murder and even getting violent with the officers, it wasn’t long before the old man was taken away to get some help.
As they watched the car drive away, Ajax wrapped his muscular arms around Eric from behind. “You okay babe?” He asked while kissing the back of Eric’s neck.”
“Yeah… I just didn’t know Mr Jenkins’ was suffering like that. I can’t imagine what must’ve been going on inside his head to make him believe all those things.” Eric leaned back into Ajax’s body a little, allowing his back to rest against his boyfriends strong pecs. “It just makes me wanna appreciate what we have right now you know?”
“Absolutely.” Ajax hugged Eric tighter. “I’ll never take this for granted again.” He added, trying to sound sweet while a smug grin crept across his face unbeknownst to Eric.
———
It’d been almost a week since then. Eric had arrived at work and was going through the motions as usual only now he felt constantly distracted. He just couldn’t help replaying that scene with Mr Jenkins over and over in his head. All those crazy claims he made about being Ajax and having his body stolen. He seemed so convinced. So sure of himself. Not to mention that until that morning Mr Jenkins’ had been as healthy as a horse in both mind and body so for him to just flip like that felt… off.
Normally he would’ve brushed something like that off easily. Body swapping? That was the definition of crazy talk. Under normal circumstances there was no way in hell he’d believe that. But that’s when he started to pick up on things more clearly. Subtle changes in the way Ajax behaved that quickly began to plant a seed of doubt in mind. A seed that grew to the point where he’d been analysing almost everything his boyfriend did and said.
He went over it in his head as we worked. Out of nowhere Ajax had begun watching the historical channels on TV, finally started reading one of the books he’d received as a present last year and even mentioned that he wanted to give fishing a try at some point! The Ajax he knew never had the patience for those things. The rational thing to assume would simply be that Ajax was maturing. Trying to be a better person and gain new interests. But Eric just couldn’t shake the weirdness of how it’d begun the day Mr Jenkins went crazy.
It wasn’t just his interests though. It was Ajax’s whole demeanour. Before he was quite stoic. He’d have his moments of sweetness but overall he was very reserved. Over the last couple months he’d even grown quite mean and snappy, eager to jump to an argument and make a big deal out of nothing which eventually led to their huge argument. But then it all changed starting with that massive apology he gave. Ajax had never been one to say sorry so it came as quite the surprise. Even in that moment Eric couldn’t help thinking he seemed like a different person, only he wasn’t thinking about it quite as literally then. Since then his mood had completely changed. His reserved and quiet nature seemingly vanished overnight, being replaced by a much bubblier and joyful attitude. It was almost like he had this newfound appreciation for his life.
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And this couldn’t have been clearer in the way he treated himself and others. For a start he just couldn’t stop admiring his own body. Always touching something. Groping his pecs, massaging his thighs, flexing his biceps. He couldn’t get enough. Always making comments about how hot he looked and spending way longer in the shower than usual.
And when it came to Eric, Ajax was far more affectionate and thoughtful. Always giving him compliments and kisses. Always smiling when they were together and telling Eric how lucky he felt to have what they had. Hell he even bought him flowers! Something Ajax had never done before. And the sex was some of the most passionate they’d ever had. So deep and loving. Every. Single. Night. Ajax was more eager than ever to slam his cock inside Eric’s hole at any given opportunity. And to top it off Ajax seemed to have developed this worshipping kink in the last couple of days. Always wanting Eric to kiss and worship his muscles.
All of those little things stacked together caused that tiny seed of doubt in Eric’s mind to grow into a tree that’s roots were consuming his every thought. He wanted to believe he was just overthinking it but what Mr Jenkins’ had said was starting to make too much sense. It was too much to have just been a coincidence. It was only lunch time but Eric decided to take the rest of the day off work for a “family emergency”.
Once home, Eric took a deep breath before quietly opening the front door. He was about to shout his boyfriend’s name but before he did, he heard the sound of Ajax’s voice coming from the bedroom. Curiously Eric made his way towards the bedroom as silently as possible, trying to listen to what Ajax was saying until he stood just outside the door. And what he heard sent shivers up his spine.
“Fuuuuck yeahh! I’ll never get tired of this young cock! God I still can’t believe how much bigger it is compared to my old one!” He moaned. “Young, dumb and hung as fuck…”
Eric’s eyes widened. Was it actually true? Without a second thought he peered his head into the bedroom to see none other than his boyfriend stood in front of a mirror bare ass naked and flexing while he stroked his cock!
“Ohhh yeah! I’m Ajax! Young fuckin muscle bull! Fuuuck I-” He cut himself short when in the corner of his eye he noticed Eric stepping into the room. “Oh-I-Ummm… Eric. I didn’t think you’d uhmmmm… be home so soon hahah…” A flustered look swiftly crossed his face. “I was just-” before he could finish, Eric stopped him.
“It’s true isn’t it? Everything Mr Jenkins said. About the body swap.” Eric still didn’t quite believe it even as he said it but the writing was on the wall. “Or should I say everything Ajax said. Because he wasn’t really Mr Jenkins. You are.”
Ajax was silent for a moment. Unsure of how to respond until he finally let out a long sigh. “Eric. Let me explain.”
———
After their massive fight, Ajax had stormed out of the house with a fury in his eyes. Slamming the door behind him as he left to get some air and get away Eric. He didn’t have a plan as to where he was going so he ended up just pacing up and down the street for over half an hour with a sour look on his face.
At this time Mr Jenkins had been sitting in his living room watching TV where he had a perfect view to the window as he noticed Ajax pass by multiple times. Seeing this he went out to investigate what was wrong. When Ajax next passed Jenkins’ house, the old man stopped him and asked what was the matter. Ajax was resistant at first but when Mr Jenkins offered him inside to chat, he gave in and took the sweet man up on his offer.
They sat down at the kitchen table and immediately Ajax began to rant about Eric. Listing off each and every little thing he hated about his spouse. All the little habits that annoyed him, all the irritating things he would do or say. However Mr Jenkins’ found it hard to emphasise. Impossible even. Most of the things Ajax was listing off were such minor things that he seemed to be blowing out of proportion while other things were just plain stupid like complaining about how Eric didn’t fold and put away the clothes exactly how Ajax wanted after doing the washing. It was moronic to say the least. But what Mr Jenkins really hated was how much Ajax blatantly insulted Eric as he listed these things off. Calling him all sorts of horrible things while dragging his name through the mud.
It was then Mr Jenkins made a decision. It was something he’d wanted to do for a very long time now ever since Ajax moved in across the road with Eric. Until now he didn’t have the courage to do it, believing he’d feel too guilty if he did. But now that he’d seen Ajax’s true colours he had no regrets.
Jenkins excused himself from the table to make a cup of tea while asking Ajax if he wanted a drink of any kind as well. The handsome younger man said he’d take tea as well. Little did he know that as Jenkins brewed the tea, he added a little something extra into Ajax’s cup.
He came back moments later with two hot cups in hand, offering one the Ajax who took it kindly. They chatted a little more as the drinks cooled, Ajax’s going on a little more about his petty frustrations with Eric. But soon enough the handsome younger man picked up his beverage and began to sip away at it, much to Mr Jenkins delight. Little did Ajax know as he drank that his tea had been laced with a mild sedative that was gradually starting to take effect as he came to the last few sips.
“Sorry… I’m just feelin a bit… tired all of a sudden…” Ajax slurred as he put down the cup. “I should… probably…” He could hardly finish his sentence as his eyes started to flutter. Seeing this Mr Jenkins hopped up from his seat to grab Ajax to make sure he didn’t pass out onto the floor. “Heyyy… whaaat’re youuu…” And with that his body went limp, losing consciousness.
Jenkins knew he didn’t have long. The sedative might’ve knocked him out but wouldn’t be for long. A big guy like Ajax would probably begin to wake in about half an hour to an hour tops so he had to work fast. Jenkins used what little strength he had to move Ajax off the kitchen chair as gently as possible before dragging his sleeping body down the hallway and into the bedroom.
Right away Jenkins got to work. He started by unlocking the hidden safe he kept in his closet and pulling out a very old looking piece of paper. Written on it we’re instructions. Instructions for a forbidden spell that’d been passed down through his family for generations. One that’d been used many times by his spiritual ancestors. A body swapping spell.
He set everything he needed like candles before making a circle out of magic runes around himself and Ajax. Once that was done he took a sedative himself, one that was slightly stronger and that should kick in very soon so there was no time to waste. He got in position and took a deep breath before taking the paper once again and reading out the ancient incantation inscribed on it. Speaking the forbidden words with as much chest as he could, trying not to lose his focus as he noticed the runes around them begin to glow. His old heart beating faster with anticipation until finally he reached the last line.
He shouted those final words to complete the spell and in an instant the runes glowed brighter than ever before, creating some kind of magical bubble around the two men. Yet before Jenkins could even celebrate his success his body began to convulse and moments later his soul was forced out through his mouth as a glowing blue mass, leaving his elderly body limp and lifeless. Shortly followed by the unconscious Ajax writhing slightly until a blue mass of glowing energy was forced out of his mouth too!
The two energies twirled around one another for a moment until they formed into a ghostly version of the people they belonged to. A ghostly Ajax who seemed lost for words and a ghostly Mr Jenkins who was grinning at him maliciously, knowing what was to happen next. Magic continued to swirl around the pair as their spiritual forms began to transform. Mr Jenkins’ ghost looking younger and hunkier by the second while Ajax’s grew older and withered. Only coming to an end when their souls had completely transformed into one another!
Now that Jenkins had become Ajax in soul, the only thing left was to take his physical body. After the transformation was complete their souls returned to their orb like states, spinning around each other again before launching into the mouths of the opposite bodies they started in.
With that the magic of the spell dissipated without a trace, leaving nothing but silence. For about ten minutes anyway as not long after, ‘Ajax’ began to stir.
He groaned. His body felt heavy and tired due to the sedatives that were in his system. Yet the moment he caught sight of his body, his eyes shot open with wonder. “Haha! Yes it worked! It actually fucking worked!” He shouted and raved as he reached down to feel the strong pecs underneath his shirt with a shit eating grin.
The young stud practically leapt onto his feet with excitement, moving faster and more freely than he had in years! He wasted no time in whipping off his shirt and dumping it on the floor so he could get a better look at his body and he wasn’t disappointed. “Jesus this boy is in good shape.” He mumbled as he ran a hand down the cobbled abs that decorated his stomach. “I was nowhere near this buff last time I was this young.” He added, while flexing his new biceps for the first time and watching with wonder as the muscle peaked. “Fuuuck… I feel so strong!”
Every inch of his body was bulging with powerful muscles just begging to be flexed and groped. And that’s exactly what he did. Running his hands up and down his entire frame as he kicked off Ajax’s shorts. Squeezing his new pecs and pinching his nipples. Kissing his biceps as they bulged. Flexing his glutes and loving just how tight his new muscle ass felt. Not to mention how taut his skin was now. “God I’m sooo young!” He moaned as he grabbed his crotch. His new and improved cock already standing at attention and waiting to be used. “Gotta… cum!”
Jenkins shimmied down his underwear and finally set his dick free. It looked gorgeous. He never thought he’d see a cock this beautiful in person ever again. And it was his! So thick and imposing just like the rest of his body. Without a single thought he wrapped a hand around it and started jerking while continuing to groping himself with his free hand.
“Oh fuuuuuuckkk! I haven’t been this rock hard in decades!” He bit his lip, pumping his young new dick more furiously than he had in years while cupping his muscle tits and feeling their weight sit in his hand. Worshipping himself as much as humanly possible whilst moaning in his youthful yet deep voice, only serving to turn him on even more.
With the vigorous speed at which he was jerking, after only about five minutes he could already tell he was starting to get close. His fat new balls welling up with a huge ass load. But he needed to see himself before he came. And so he made a dash for the nearby bathroom where he was able to gaze up his reflection for the first time. Seeing the face of Ajax staring back at him almost made him cream on the spot.
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“Holy fuck I’m a hunk! My hair is so dark… and my face is so fuckin sexy!” It was taking his brain a moment to take it all in. The unfamiliar reflection of a different man. He inspected the short bearded he now adorned, rubbing a hand across it while getting a feel for his new jaw. Allowing his fingers to gently glide across his lips and over his nose. Relishing in his smooth skin without a wrinkle in sight. Inspecting each individual feature with such lust.
“I’m Ajax…” He muttered to himself. Feeling a shiver of delight run up his spin as he said those
“I’m Ajax!” He repeated the claim, louder this time as he took a step back to really focus on his cock. Tightening his grip around it before hastening his pace. The thick manhood began to dribble significant amounts of precum from its tip. Just the feeling of it was overwhelming his senses in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Youthful lust consuming him.
“I’M AJAX!!!” He shouted one final time with certainty and the second he did the floodgates opened. His cock was like a cum hose, firing his potent seed all over the mirror and sink in powerful bursts. All while he moaned like a horny slut. “Yeahhhhhhh…” He made sure to squeeze every last drop out of dick, watching with satisfaction as it pulsed and leaked.
The new Ajax trudged back into the bedroom with a dumb grin before falling back onto the bed in exhaustion. Laying out his model of a body in all its sweaty glory after the hottest and most intense orgasm of his life. “My fuckin… body now…” he grunted between laboured breaths. After that he was certain he had no regrets.
He sat back after a couple minutes once he’d caught his breath before looking down at his new body again. Eyes scanning over the strong muscle he now owned. His gaze then shifted across the room, peering over at his former body. “Probably got a couple hours before he wakes up after that stronger sedative I took.” He theorised. “More than enough time to get a bit more familiar with my new self before going to see my new boyfriend.” Ajax sniggered.
Just then however his nose caught a whiff of a strong manly scent. A scent that very quickly drew his nose towards his own sweaty armpits. “Woof! That is ripe!” He quickly went in for another sniff before running his tongue along his damp pit. “Uhooo that’s goood.” Not wasting any time he quickly switched to the other pit, sniffing and licking that one too. Instantly having fallen in love with his own musk. And who could blame him!? He smelt like a proper manly muscle stud! “Should probably still get a shower before seeing Eric though… but until then I’m gonna enjoy this.” He grinned.
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———
“And once I was more familiar with this body, I got dressed again and made my way back here. That’s when I apologised to you.” Ajax finished, having detailed most of what’d happened to his original boyfriend in the spirit of honesty as he and Eric sat side by side on the bed. He seemed sincere about it all but it was hard for Eric to tell with how Ajax’s dick was still at full mast. He even touched it a couple times absentmindedly while describing what had happened.
It was a lot for Eric to take in. Even though he’d been thinking it over these last few days, actually hearing Ajax admit that he wasn’t the real Ajax was still mad to hear. Especially as he detailed exactly how it’d gone down. On one hand it sounded completely absurd just as he’d told himself it was whenever he considered the possibility. Yet on the other hand he couldn’t help believing it. There was no denying that Ajax had a completely different feel around him now. Even though he looked the same on the outside, he’d just felt different. And now he knew why.
“So… you’re Mr Jenkins. The old man who’s lived across from us for years.” Eric said as he tried to process it all.
“I was Mr Jenkins.” The muscle bound stud corrected. “Now I’m your hunky boyfriend Ajax!” He smiled before wrapping an arm around Eric and pulling him closer. “Difference being that I actually appreciate you and this life unlike the former owner of this body.”
Eric mulled over all the stuff this man had described to him, specifically all the horrible things his original boyfriend had said when he wasn’t around. He had to admit it sounded like stuff the Ajax he knew would complain about. But all those horrible names? The way he blamed Eric for everything? It made him wanna cry.
“But wait. How do you know so much about Ajax and me then?? Have you been spying on us all these years?” Eric questioned.
Ajax chuckled at the accusation. “No no no. Nothing like that. If anything I’ve tried to keep my distance from you two. I always thought you were a hot couple and I was a little obsessed with Ajax’s body. However I didn’t want to seem like that creepy neighbour you know?” He explained before continuing on. “No, the reason I know so much is because the swap also transfers a bunch of memories as well. It was really strange at first. I was remembering things about Ajax that I’d never experienced despite my memories claiming I had. Like the first time I went skiing a few years back and ended up falling dozens of times before getting right. I know that I didn’t do that but because the old Ajax did, it feels like I did as well. Same goes for most other memories. It’s pretty handy for convincing people that I’m the real Ajax honestly. Hell it took you about five days to figure it out and that was after that asshole came here screaming and shouting about body swaps!” He laughed again while pulling Eric closer joyously.
“Fuck… I don’t know what to say.” Eric mumbled. “Part of me wants to feel bad that you trapped him in your old body but at the same time he’d been turning into such an asshole recently and if he really said all that stuff to you then…” He sighed, hiding his face in his palms. “On the other hand I wanna be mad at you for tricking me and pretending to be him but…”
“But I’m better?” Ajax finished. “A better man than he ever was?” He got up and stood over Eric with a cocky yet irresistible look on his face. Putting his hands on his hips while proudly displaying his nude body. “Come on. Haven’t these last few days been proof enough of that?”
“Y-yeah.” Eric admitted. “These last few days have been amazing. You’re kinder than he was, more considerate, funnier, happier…” his gaze then shifted to his boyfriend's fat cock, still bucking between his legs excitedly. “Better at sex…”
“Exactly! Don’t you see? This is for the best!” Ajax claimed as he took a step closer. “I get to have a strong, handsome new body and you get a boyfriend who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.” He placed a hand gently on Eric’s cheek. “And fucks you the way you deserve to be fucked.” A thick glob of precum dribbled from his cock, making him feel like such a stud.
Eric did his best not to drool at the sight, trying to keep a level head in the moment. “I… uhmm…” He took a deep breath to compose himself. “But you stole most of his life. Isn’t that wrong?” He shuffled slightly while trying to look at the moral side of all this.
Ajax smiled softly. “Look. You said it yourself, the old Ajax was an asshole. He was horrible to you and was probably going to continue being horrible to other people. Do you really think a person like that deserved a body and life like this? Or you for that matter?” The body snatcher argued. “Besides at the end of the day what’s done is done. The spell I used is a once in a lifetime kinda deal. I couldn’t swap back with him or anyone else if I wanted. I’m Ajax forever now. Full stop.”
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Eric took a moment to let it all sink in. Part of him still wanted to feel bad but the other part of him was strangely grateful. Grateful that his cold hearted boyfriend had been switched out for a much superior version. It was a lot to take in but the more he thought about it, the more he began to imagine himself and this new Ajax. No more constant arguing or toxicity. Instead being a happy and healthy couple that truly loves one another. And for the first time in years Eric could actually see a possible future where he marries this man…
“Good.” Eric stated, standing up and facing Ajax with a glimmer in his eye that the other man couldn’t quite decipher. “You’re right. He didn’t deserve this body. But you fucking do.” He reached out and gave one of Ajax’s biceps a squeeze whilst planting a kiss on one of his pecs. “You deserve all of his muscles. You deserve his stupidly handsome face. And most of all you deserve his fat cock!” With one swift movement, Eric gripped Ajax’s throbbing dick causing him to flinch and grunt slightly. Then without a moment to waste he pushed Ajax back down onto the bed of whom now looked equal parts surprised and amused.
“Ohohoo! Where did this come from??” He questioned after witnessing the sudden shift in Eric’s attitude. Not that he was complaining one bit as he watched Eric swiftly begin to undress.
“What can I say? The thought of the pervy old man from across the street stealing my hot boyfriend’s body is starting to turn me on.” Discarding the last of his clothes Eric hopped onto the bed, shuffling his way on top of Ajax until that thick cock he loved so much as nestled perfectly between his ass cheeks. Did he still feel bad for the original Ajax? A little. But if what his new boyfriend said was true then there was no going back anyway. But even if he could, why would he want to go back to having a terrible boyfriend that was probably going to dump him when he could have this instead.
Ajax grinned. “Well I certainly ain’t old anymore.” He reached down and grabbed his stiff manhood and lined it up with Eric’s hungry hole. “I’m young, dumb and full. of. cum.” With that he plunged his cock deep inside causing the couple to let out a unified groan.
“Oh GOD yes!” Eric wailed just as he always did when he took that dick and even more so these last few days. Resting his hands on Ajax’s hairy pecs as he tossed his head back, feeling the entire length filling him up.
“Pervy on the other hand? Maybe just a little.” The hunk smirked before grabbing his lover’s head and pulling him down before stuffing Eric’s nose into his pit. Forcing Eric to get a good whiff of his scent while he began moving his hips slightly.
“Mmmmmmmm… yeahhh!” Eric moaned as he finally pulled away from the sweaty pit. “I wish you’d done that sooner. I’ve always had a thing for his musk but he never let me smell his pits like that…”
“Heheh. I thought about it but I didn’t wanna give myself away too quickly.” Ajax admitted while reaching down and grabbing Eric's ass with both hands, using his strength to rhythmically bounce the other man on his cock. “But now that you know, I can share all my dirty little secrets with you.”
“Oh? Secrets like what?”
A mischievous grin spread across Ajax’s face. “Well. I said that I couldn't use that body swapping spell with anyone again. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t use it…” He continued thrusting upwards into the bouncing ass, feeling the tight hole clenching around his cock with desire. “Not that you have to if you’re happy the way you are. But I’m just saying… it’s an option.”
Eric almost couldn’t believe it. Swapping bodies with someone else? Already his mind was swarming with possibilities. He wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to give up his own body or not but he had to admit the idea of becoming someone else sounded thrilling! A celebrity? An athlete? Or maybe even just a hot guy he happens to pass on the street!? The potential was endless. “I’ll certainly keep that in mind…”
With that the couple lent in and gave each other a deep kiss before really getting to business. Eric grinding his ass down against Ajax’s dick while the other man used all of his might to thrust up as far as he could. Then both long then found themselves maneuvering onto their sides with Ajax now taking up most of the responsibility. Slamming in as deep as possible to make sure he really punished Eric’s prostate with every thrust. But finally they ended up with Eric flat on the bed, gripping onto the bed sheets for dear life, as Ajax plunged down into him from above. Utilising every ounce of power his strong youthful body had to ruin his lover's hole. The wet sound of balls smacking filling the room along with seemingly endless moaning until Ajax’s load finally began to well up.
“Ohhh fuck! I’m gonna BLOW!” He warned as his thrusts became infrequent followed by a lengthy groan.
Right away Eric could feel his insides being splattered with seed. The walls of his ass were painted in so much thick cum that it started to leak out around Ajax’s cock and drip onto the bed below before he’d even had a chance to pull out.
After a minute or so Ajax wetly dislodged himself from the hole before collapsing to the side of Eric. “You have no idea how good it feels to have sex like that again.” He mumbled through heavy breaths. “Last time I was this young, being out and gay wasn’t so simple. I found it difficult to get a single discreet hook up, never mind a relationship…”
Eric smiled, looking over at his boyfriend as he felt the cum drooling from his hole. “All the more reason to make up for it now right?” He guided a cheeky hand towards Ajax’s backside before giving his gorgeous bubble ass a playful squeeze. “You know I wondered what it would be like to stick my cock inside his ass for a change.” He hinted. “The old Ajax always said he was an exclusive top who never wanted anything near his ass… This newer, and obviously far superior, Ajax wouldn’t happen to have a slightly different opinion on that now would he?”
Ajax was silent for a moment. He mulled over what Eric was so obviously hinting towards before turning his head slightly and giving him a raised eyebrow. “Fine. But get some lube. It’s gonna be a tight squeeze.”
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carolmunson · 11 months
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always something there to remind me (s.h.)
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summary: ten years after the sealing of the upside-down, you and your fiance steve head to a cookout to unwind during memorial day weekend. with steve on edge after a rough half sleep full of night terrors, you hope the day can be salvaged by seeing the party and just relaxing, but a violent thunderstorm changes those plans for the worse. pairings: steve x reader, lumax, edancy. heavy on the steddie brotp tho.
tw: 18+ as always. this story deals with themes of mental illness and ptsd, it is only intended for mature audiences. descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, internal and external (please be advised they are dramatizations). partner violence (unintentional). drinking/smoking. discussions of mental illness. very moody steve but very soft steve. features some tense arguments. smut, like, very loving and passionate smut. this relationship is not perfect, it's also a depiction of a moment in time in 1997. the emotional load was very much a woman's job and i personally think steve would be 'too proud' to be 'too soft' about his stuff. so there are parts that seem kind of 'eh' but -- that's just how things were sorta. gif by @kingofscoops
His pill case sounded like a rattle when you took it from the medicine cabinet, taking it into the kitchen where he was shrugging on his freshly ironed polo. The ironing board and hot iron still set up by the counter. The black stone contrasted nicely against your cherry wood cabinets that he installed two summers ago. That was when you both thought he might be getting better: the night terrors were less and less frequent, the flashbacks far and few between, he was less tense, less irritable. Seeking you constantly for soft touches and kisses, any kind of affection he could pull from you he'd take willingly. Two years ago was your two year anniversary -- when he finally told you the real story. Why he had all those scars, why he can't sleep, why he wakes up in a cold sweat crying. Why you'd never been able to figure out which health care company was providing him with so much medication and therapy when he was working part time at the hospital -- it's because it was the FBI.
It was two years ago where they took you to an underground office where they told you everything. Steve sat next to you, gripping your hand so tightly you thought it might break. They reassured over and over that nothing was coming back, that everything was over, but that Steve and his friends will likely never recover emotionally and mentally from what they endured. Four years into things now, you were both his fiance and his nurse. You checked in monthly with his caseworking team, but in these last few months, they've had nothing but shaky reports. You wondered if maybe his mind just isn't as sharp as it used to be -- you both just entered your thirties, maybe things get knocked loose quicker when you've been to hell and back. "Here, honey," you say softly, putting his pill case on the table. He looks at them and sighs, amber eyes lingering on the 'Saturday' section of the pill box. "Let me get you some wa--" "You don't need to give me my pills every day," he says -- it's soft and sharp, "I know I have to take them. I've been takin' them for ten years."
You offer him a tight smile, "I know, Stevie..." You trail off. 'It's important that he feels in control of the situation, a lot of his role when he was in this situation was to protect others. Try not to baby him about it, he might be fragile, but he doesn't like to feel like he is.'
"It's just...I don't want a repeat of last year," you quietly remind him. He had gotten too sure of himself when he started to feel better -- missing days, stopping altogether, off and on.
He reaches for the pill case and pops open the Saturday square, tossing the main five pills into his palm and then into his mouth. Pain, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, migraine, blood thinner. The heavy stuff sat in the cabinet above the fridge: Quaaludes, Oxycontin, Sumatriptan, Clozapine -- among others. Every day was a reminder to him that he didn't come out of this a stronger person. His dad let him know that at every visit, treating him like he had a son made of glass. "Don't," he says after he swallows, "Don't start with me."
Your eyes narrow in on the finger he puts up in warning and travels down to his big hand, a vein popping in his forearm and under the band of his watch. His bicep flexes against his polo, you follow it across the expanse of his chest and down the other arm, landing back on the pill case.
You knew last night what kind of day it would be this morning. Desperate reaches for you while he woke up from another nightmare, his damp chest up against yours while he hid his face in your neck. He hugs you so tightly to him so he doesn't float away, and you match his strength as best you can until he falls back asleep. Sometimes it takes hours of stroking his hair and soothing him before he feels safe enough to even close his eyes. In the years you've been together, he's been more and more embarrassed over these needier nights. 'It's just, baby -- I'm a man. I have to get over all this shit.'
"I'm not starting anyth--" "You are," he warns, eyes narrowing. He clenches his jaw, "Don't."
"M'sorry," you breath out. You take the pill case when he sets it back down and bring it back upstairs to the main bathroom. You refill the case before placing it back in the medicine cabinet with a sigh. When it closes you look at yourself in the mirror, no longer the fresh 26 year old he met at the hospital admin desk when he started his part time job as an assistant in the children's psych floor. Gaining hours towards getting his pediatric therapist licensure to help kids who were like him and his friends -- well, sort of. To some extent. You smooth over your button down dress, his favorite one in your closet -- navy blue with beige flowers littering the fabric. It flounces over you in dips and swoops, falling just under your knee. Another sigh and you grab your purse from the bedroom and slip on your sandals, clip clopping down the stairs where you hear him grab the keys. Another Saturday morning where the group gets together and just hangs out, even though Steve sees Eddie, Rob, and Dustin pretty often throughout the week. They've been doing it for years now, but the outside buzzed with the promise of summer, Memorial Day weekend making everyone feel more at ease. Everyone except Steve.
He slams the car door when he gets in the drivers seat, making you jump in the leather of his Lexus. He runs his hands over his jean clad thighs, having grown in size over the last six years with age and trips to the gym. 'I just wanna be in like, peak physical condition if anything tries to come back. I wanna be more ready than when I was a kid, y'know?' And while the muscle was certainly titilating, it made for a very wary you when things went left. "Don't be like that, Stevie," you say softly, your voice calm and gentle like it is with patients on the floor, "I promise I wasn't trying to get on your case. Do you -- I don't know, do you wanna just stay home?" "No," he snaps, looking ahead toward the road as he starts the car, "I didn't pack a cooler full of all the shit you made for this cook-out just the stay home." "Can you relax?" you ask a little harsher than you planned, "Are you even good to drive?" "I'm good. To drive," he says through gritted teeth, pulling down the street. "Are you sure? 'Cause -- Honey you -- you didn't sleep so good last night and I --" He hits the breaks hard, stopping short at a stop light turning to look at you, tilting his head a bit to glare at you down the slope of his straight nose.
"Drop it," he says, the tenseness in his voice sends a chill up your spine. "Stevie I'm not trying t --" "Drop. It." he warns again, "Don't make me raise my voice at you." "Don't talk to me like that," you say sharply while he pulls the car forward when the light turns green. "Then don't talk to me like I'm a fucking child," he snaps back. "Well maybe if you didn't have an attitude with me like one I wouldn't have to," you cross your arms over your seat belt and huff. He shakes his head slowly, tongue tight between his teeth. He thought he knew better than to fall in love with someone who had a tongue as sharp as his. "You're askin' for an argument when you say shit like that to me," he says lowly, the Lexus crunching over helicopter seeds while he navigates through the neighborhood. You see his shoulders rise and fall while he attempts to steady himself -- fuse lit and ready to blow. "I'm sorry," you follow up, a deep breath filling your chest. You uncross your arms to lean your elbow on the edge of the window, resting your cheek in your hand, "I didn't mean that." "You did," he responds, tight and frustrated, quiet. He hastily reaches into his back pocket with one hand, eyes still on the road. Steve pops a cigarette between his full lips and you sigh at the sound of the lighter flicking. “What’s wrong now, hm?” he asks while the cigarette dangles from the corner of his mouth, “What’s your problem?” “Nothing,” you say – it’s something. He takes a drag and blows the smoke out the open window, “It’s just that you bought that pack yesterday and it’s already half way gone. You always chain smoke when you –” “Give me a fucking break,” he snaps, voice raising with each word, “God, can you let me have fuckin’ anything?” “No Steve, I guess not. God forbid I look out for your heal–” you start sarcastically. “Look out for yourself, baby,” he says sharply into the rearview so you can see his glare, “I’m doin’ just fine without you on my back.” You bicker the rest of the way to Ed and Nancy’s house, he only raises his voice one more time. 
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Eddie and Nancy's wedding was one for the ages, something about the mixture of straight laced and all over the place that made sense when they tied the knot. The pair, you were told, seemed unlikely until Eddie was in recovery after being removed from the Upside Down. He was down there for six months, tested on for another six. The Party and the older kids would visit him every day, keeping him updated and fed and hydrated. They'd cheer him on when he made advances in his mobility -- but for the most part he just needed rest. Nancy was working a lot, throwing herself into journalism like she always wanted, so she'd come to the hospital late. She wasn't really one for small talk so instead, she'd just read. She'd read aloud while he was asleep, her voice slow and calm -- stoic. Keeping him lulled like still water, she didn't even know if he knew she was there. One night, she picked up where she left off on the first installment of Lord of the Rings, continuing in her soft stoic voice. She watched him lay there with his eyes closed, breath steady, the beeps of the hospital machines in quiet rhythm with him. She at frist felt silly before she started, but maybe in his dreams he could hear her, and maybe just maybe if she does something fun, he won't have nightmares tonight. So she tries it...she puts on a silly voice for Samwise, and she continues with her silly voices. Gruff and manly for Aragorn, gleeful for Sam, some weird form of Scottish for Gimli. She bites her lip, smiling as she tries each one, shaking her curly head at her ridiculousness and stops. Then she hears it...the low rumbling giggle from Eddie in his hospital bed. "Keep going, it's funny..." he said with a grin, eyes still closed. "You can hear me?" she asked, trying to stifle her giggle. "I can hear you every night," he said, eyes peering open slightly, "It's the best." "Do you want me to keep reading?" she asked with a blush. He nods, a soft grin pulling up on his lips while he eyes closes again, "Only if you do the voices."
When you park in the driveway it's clear that the rest of the group arrived before you, their cars already Tetris'd into their places. Steve lugs the cooler out of the back seat with a grunt, hoisting it to rest on his broad shoulder. You roll your eyes at his machismo, like someone is watching him at all times and he has something to prove. You both walk to the back, the sounds of music and conversation and laughter bubbling louder and louder as you get to the gate of the yard.
A symphony of 'Heeeyyy!' and 'There he is!' and 'Finally!' come from the group as he opens the gate and you follow in toe. Eddie comes over quickly to help with the cooler, his hair still as long as it was when he was 20 – the only real updates being his five o’clock shadow and the ring in his nose. A few more weary tired lines by his eyes. His home made Iron Maiden muscle tee had a small sweat mark by the neckline – they must’ve been out here getting ready all morning. “Hey man,” he grins when the cooler gets set down, pulling Steve in for a tight hug. “Hey,” Steve smiles, patting his back hard, savoring the hold. “You alright?” Eddie asks when he lets go, putting a hand to his face, “You feeling okay?” Steve smiles tightly and nods but Eddie only half buys it, returning his look before turning to you. He comes forward, kissing both your cheeks with his full lips, scruff scratching at your skin, “Hi, sweetheart.” “Hi Ed,” you grin, watching everyone else come up to say their hellos. “Where’s Nance?” Steve asks, but his question is answered when she waddles out of the sliding door of the kitchen with a pitcher of lemonade. From the back, you’d have no idea she was seven months pregnant, but from the side – let’s just say, it was gonna be a real big boy. “Honey, what did I say?” Eddie calls out, walking over to her and taking the pitcher. “It’s not even heavy,” she chides back with an exasperated eye roll. You giggle at their bickering, listening to their sweet back and forth with a gentle ache in your chest. You wonder if Steve will be the same way when you’re pregnant. You wonder if the back and forths will sound so sweet, so innocent, so soft. Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the cooler opening, turning to look and grab what you can to put in the fridge inside. Steve takes the meat out to put by the grill and a few appetizers that you put together last nice. You take the icebox cake and chocolate covered strawberries, hurrying with them through the sliding door into the kitchen. “I know, mommy just thinks she can do it all,” Eddie coos, resting his hands on Nancy’s stomach while she slices cheeseburger toppings on the counter, “She just won’t rest, are you gonna be like that too? You gonna run me ragged? You gonna be just like mommy?” Nancy laughs and it’s half airy, half from deep in her belly, “Look, it’s just better if I’m active so that I’m not surprised by it when he’s born.” “I know,” he says, kissing her cheek, “I know. You still love me, Wheeler?” “Love you always,” she grins, blushing when she sees you come in with desserts, “Oh! Oh my goodness, let me help you!” “I got it!” you say, “Just hope there’s room in the fridge!” When everything’s loaded up you give each other a hug, watching as Eddie and Steve have a mildly stern conversation about who is grilling what. ‘It’s my grill.’  ‘And? It’s my meat.’ 
“Do you think they should just kiss?” you ask while you watch them. “Honestly, I feel like they need to at this point," she laughs, "Go on outside, I’ll be out in a few,” Nancy encourages and you make your way back out into the very early summer heat – mugginess starting to soak the air around you. Before you know it, you’re already being pulled over to the picnic table to watch a game of Magic the Gathering between Lucas, Max, Dustin, Mike, and Will. El doesn’t come back to Hawkins very much,so you’ve been told – she’s the only person from the group you haven’t met. “So is this like D&D?” you ask, resting your cheek against your palm while you lean on the table. “Yes and no,” Max explains, looking at her options, “It’s like…” “Like poker but D&D,” Dustin says, making Mike, Will, and Lucas snort. “I think that’s the easiest way to explain it to you,” Mike says. “I trust that,” you laugh with them. You’ve been consistently hopeless with trying to learn the mechanics of Dungeons and Dragons but still enjoy watching, loving it more when Steve decides to join a campaign. He lets loose in ways you’ve never seen when he does, smiling and laughing, free like a child in the summertime. The sun beating on your back suddenly disappears when you hear Steve come up behind you with a hand on your shoulder, “Can I have my glasses, honey?” “They’re in the glove box,” you say, turning around, “Why do you need them?” “Oh, is Erica making you read her thesis outline?” Lucas asks, “Just tell her to buzz off. She already passed it in.” “Sinclair – don’t be an asshole,” Steve gives him a look that can only be described as ‘bitchy’, “She wants some assurance. We need another psychologist in the family, and she’s obviously the only one smart enough to get it done.” “Rude,” Max deadpans, flicking her eyes up at him. “You’re rude, twerp,” he says back, he turns back to you after sucking his teeth, "My glasses?"
“I just said, in the glovebox,” you repeat, a little sharper than you meant to. He lets out a huff through his nose, looking at you like he can’t believe you’d get snippy with him before stomping off toward the gate of the yard. “Is he alright?” Dustin asks quietly, “I saw him on Thursday he just…I don’t know, he seems a little tense.” “He had a bad night,” you explain, toying at a splinter in the wood, “He’ll be okay.” The sun disappears again but not from the expanse of your fiance’s shoulders and chest, but from a thick cloud moving slowly across the sky. The relief from the heat is almost welcomed until you feel the humidity raise a bit in the air – a little too tight, a little too suffocating for your taste. 
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The party is in full swing while Meredith Brooks’ ‘Bitch,’ blares from the boom box, Nancy and Max screaming the lyrics with abandon while the boys groan. You smile at how much fun they’re having, the afternoon going smoothly enough that you haven’t had time to notice how cloudy the sky had become. Your eyes linger on Steve, glasses on while looking at Erica’s thesis outline with her on the back porch. He had a pen in one hand and a cigarette in the other, the fifth one in the last hour and a half.  "You got something here," he says to her, tapping his pen while continues reading, "Your argument's really strong -- especially about the rates of homelessness, it's almost always trauma related." "Well -- I am me," she says. He raises his brows and nods in agreement. "Can't spell America without Erica," he teases. You watch him, how gentle he is and how he taps through outline, asking her questions about how she feels about the finished thesis, where she got it bound, if the articles he sent over were helpful. They speak in words you don't understand, but it's okay -- he looks calmer, brows softened while they talk, so encouraging. "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed --"
Eddie's rasp pierces the groups singing and conversation as he belts the lyrics next to his wife. Everyone looks up to watch him go, laughing as he does. "We should cover this," he grins, "Me and the guys, we gotta cover this at the next show." "So you can get boo'd off the stage?" Mike laughs. "So I can make sure your ass doesn't get in the bar?" he asks back. Mike scowls while Dustin laughs at him -- it's always smarter to not try it with Eddie, he'd always get you back ten fold. With a jolt, you feel something cold hit your hand, looking down to see a water drop splat against your skin. Then another, and another, and another. After the fourth or fifth, the rain starts to come down -- and then it starts to pour. "Alright!" Nancy calls, "Everyone grab something and head inside." The Party rises, wincing as the rain pellets down on them while everyone grabs a foil tray or covered Pyrex filled with food. You follow suit, hurrying inside with the undressed cheeseburgers and buns, laying them safe on the counter in the kitchen. Everyone else starts to file in, Steve and Eddie turning off the grill while the sky starts to darken significantly. The first rumble of thunder sends everyone's face to a flat line -- you wished Robin wasn't spending the weekend in New York City so that you'd have someone on the front lines with you and Nancy to keep everyone at ease. Nancy and Robin definitely had their moments but had a much tighter grasp on the world around them now.
A few flashes of lightening crack followed by deep rumbles of thunder. Boom, crack! Boom, crack, crack! You notice everyone resettle themselves around the kitchen table -- jittery, quiet. You sit down across from Steve while he looks down, following the woodgrain with his finger. You keep your gaze on his chest, watching for a tell -- he swallows the frustration he feels from having your eyes on him. "It's alright guys, just a storm," Nancy reminds everyone gently while she brings in the last of the food from outside. Eddie gets her seated before opening things back on the counter, the kitchen smelling like barbecue while he opens the foils. The conversations start around you again while you sit across from Steve, the tension sitting like a weighted stone in your chest. Another flash of lightning and that's when you notice it, the twitch of his hand. The thunder rumbles and he reaches up to rub his eyes with his thumb and forefinger under his glasses. Shit. "You okay, honey?" you ask him softly. He swallows, jaw clenching, "Mhm." "Okay," you nod, trying not to bring attention to it just yet, just incase it passes. The thunder booms again and he lets out a breath through his nose, he takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes more agressively. You tap your foot under the table and he can hear it, he can hear everything in the room -- the scrapes of foil on foil. The separate conversations. Eddie's laugh while he talks to Nancy. The clinks of silverware. Ice in cups. The drumming of fingers. Your tap. Tap. Tap. Tapping. Under the fucking table could you just stop tapping your fucking foot -- The next crack of lightening is so intense it shakes the house and everyone gets quiet. 'Just a storm', Nancy reminds, but her voice sounds far away. Thunder rumbles again in the distance and he swears when the lightening flashes through the windows it's red. He rubs his eyes again, a short burst of breath coming through his nose. 'Honey?' he hears you but its like he has cotton in his ears. The thunder rumbles again, the slick squelching of vines starts to creep into the sound of it. Another crack of lighting and the lights in the kitchen flicker. But when they turn back on Steve isn't with the group anymore. He's not even in the kitchen. He's back at the Creel House. 'Baby? Steve?' your voice is distant -- does Vecna have you? Did he find you? Is he taking you away from him? Steve whimpers, getting out of the chair, pulling at the roots of his light brown locks -- desperate to pull himself out of the memory, "Help, please..."
"I'm here, Steve," you say rounding the table while the rest of the group stands back, getting ready to help. Max grabs a boom box and Lucas runs to his car to grab his tapes with everyone's favorite songs on it -- just in case. Dustin approaches him slowly, hands out in front of him while Steve shrinks to the floor, back against the cabinets. "Steve, it's me, it's Dustin," he says calmly and slowly, "You're in Eddie's kitchen, Steve." But Steve only hears Dustin saying his name -- Dustin must be in trouble. "I'm coming," Steve says, eyes shut tight, falling further away. You watch as sweat grows on his hair line and neck, muttering a fuck under you breath. This was gonna be a bad one. "Honey, honey," you continue, kneeling down in front of him to ease his hands off of his hair, "You're okay, you're safe. I'm with you." 'Honey.' He hears your voice in the distance, searching for you in the blue black haze of the Upside Down, the thick particles of dust in his eyes. The slither of vines covers the walls and the floors while he ascends the stairs -- where are Nancy and Robin? Weren't they with him? "Nance?" You watch him call out for Nancy and she goes to get up but Eddie puts his hand delicately on her shoulder. He shakes his head no at her, "Just talk to him," he says to her. 'I'm here, Steve, it's okay!' 'It's okay!' But it's not Nancy's voice, it gets more an more deep, more gravelly, more like him. Steve flinches in front of you, soft 'no, no, no's slipping from his mouth. 'Stevie...' Where are you? Does he have you? 'S̷T̴E̶V̴I̷E̵.'
The sound of Vecna's voice booms in his ears, the thunder rumbling, the red lighting flashing to light up the house. You were never here -- Vecna tricked him. He breathes hard, looking around while the vines snake around, searching for him. "Okay, okay baby," you say hurriedly, watching him while he starts to hyperventilate. You raise your voice to get through to him, "Honey you gotta take some deep breaths for me, okay? Can you hear me?" Max and Lucas come back, smacking the tape into the radio and fastforwarding until Marc Cohn's Walking In Memphis crackles through the speakers. They both heave breaths while the song plays, leaning over the table to settle down from running. "You hear the song, honey?" you ask, "Can you hear it? Talk to me, Steve." You reach your hands up, sliding slowly up his chest to rest your hands by his jaw in a soothing touch. But for Steve in the Creel House, the vines have found him, slithering up his chest and around his neck, tighter and tighter against the wall. He tenses, big hands coming up and grabbing your wrists with a grip so tight you whimper. "No, shit, shit, shit! Fuck! STOP! NO! I CAN'T!" he panics, gasping for breath while his nails dig into your forearms and drag painfully downward why he tries to pull you away. "Ow, ow baby, hey, you're hurting me," you yelp out. He doesn't stop, eyes switching from tightly closed to open and unfocused while he reaches up to your biceps, clawing at them in defense. You reach out a final time. "Honey, honey, please, it's me," you say, tears balancing on your lower lashes while he rises, taking you with him. He handles you real rough, grabbing you by the shoulders and throwing you to the ground with a loud thud. And god does it hurt.
"HEY!" Eddie's voice booms out, gruff and loud like the rumbles of thunder outside. He gets behind Steve, pulling his arms close to his chest while Steve struggles against him. Erica and Mike hurry toward you to help you slowly up off the floor. You reel at first, wanting to run back to him. "Stay in front of her Wheeler," Ed warns, "You all stay right there." You stand behind Mike with Erica who takes your hand tightly in hers. You feel the pulse of pain in your arms when you look down -- gouges and deep scrapes, the blood shines in the line of the kitchen. You shake your head out of it and watch on as Eddie and Dustin do what they can to help -- the song continues to play in the background. "No, no," Steve whimpers, twisting his wrists in Eddie's grasp to break free, but in this state Eddie is stronger. He pulls him close, Steve back to his chest while they sink back down against the cabinets. "Shh," Eddie soothes, still holding him tight, "We got you, just listen -- you're in my kitchen. You hear the song playing?" Steve grunts, thrashing while Eddie hugs him tighter to him. "Steve, listen, listen to the song," Dustin says, "Focus on me and Eddie's voice, listen." Steve struggles, less intense than before, "Shh, shh, it's okay Harrington," Eddie soothes, rocking him slowly back and forth. "They need me," Steve cries weakly, breaths slowing while he pulls again at Eddie's hold, "Gotta save 'em..." "Steve," Dustin says again, getting closer. He rubs his shoulder slowly, pressing his thumb into the joint, "We're safe, all the kids are safe." "Safe..." he repeats back. Eddie sighs a little in apprehensive relief, letting go of one wrist to run a hand over his head, turning Steve's face into his chest and holding him close. "That's right, Steve," Eddie says softly, "Safe." 'Saw the ghost of Elvis, on Union Avenue, Followed him up to the Gates of Graceland And they watched him walk right through...' Steve can hear the lyrics, warbled and tinny in the Upside Down. 'Safe, safe, safe.' Echoing through the walls -- it gets dimmer. 'Now security they did not see him, They just hovered round his tomb...' Dimmer and dimmer. 'Almost over buddy, I can tell, we're right here. You feel Henderson?' A soft warm rub on his shoulder, the lyrics to the song, Eddie's voice. The sound of vines fade away, he hears the rain, it fades to black. "Walkin' in Memphis..." Steve whispers, half confused, while his eyes open and focus -- squinting in the light of the kitchen. Overwhelmed he looks around while the room tilts on it's axis. He grips Eddie's leg tightly to steady himself, he's breaths picking up again. "It's okay buddy, it's just us," Eddie says again, "You with me?" Steve nods, face cracking while he lets out a broken sob. You can only watch while Eddie flicks his eyes up at you in another warning to not come closer yet. Dustin let's go while Eddie starts to hoist him up, wrapping Steve's arm around his shoulder while he helps him to the guest room down the hall. "C'mon big boy," he says gently, "Let's get you some rest."
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Things feel a little quiet after Eddie comes back from the guest room, he's tense -- no longer having fun the way he was before. His eyes are dark while he heads outside into the rain to have a cigarette. Lucas turns off the stereo and The Party sits back down at the kitchen table for a moment to decompress. They silently take out of the Magic the Gathering cards and start to set up again, Erica joins them seamlessly. When things seems a semblance of stable, Nancy gets up and takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom, "Let's check you out, alright?"
You sit on the toilet seat cover while Nancy takes out a first aid kit from under the sink. You listen while she hums the climax of Whitney's 'I Have Nothing' quietly, searching the medicine cabinet for some Bactine for your cuts.
"Are you okay?" she asks, taking both of your hands to outstretch your arms, she turns them to see the damage -- she tries to hide her face of disappointment but it's clear.
"I'll be fine," you say softly while she wipes down the gouges and scrapes, "I can take care of it Nance."
"No, you just -- just let me," she says softly. The Bactine stings -- so does the way she looks at you -- pitifully. You hear Eddie's boots clomp down the hallway before he shows up at the door frame of the bathroom.
"You okay, sweetheart?" he asks -- you wish people would stop asking. They only ask when they see him lose control. You do this all the time, you take care of him all the time.
"I'm okay," you repeat, "A little banged up, but y'know. It's okay."
"Does he do that alot?" Eddie asks, his jaw clenching, "Does he hurt you a lot?"
"This is one of maybe...I don't know -- four times he's gotten physical with me during an episode," you explain, "And you all know about them."
"Does he hurt you when he's here?" Eddie asks, tapping at his temple.
"No, Ed, don't be ridiculous," you sigh, exasperated that he'd even ask.
"Steve's not like that, Eddie," Nancy says, "We've been over this." "Well, here's the thing Nance," he starts, tense, "We're ten years out of this shit and no matter how bad my shit got I've never put a hand on you like that. Ever." "Eddie --" "No, no, listen," he says, "I don't like that, and I especially don't like that happening in my house in front of my pregnant wife." "And what would you like me to do about it, Ed?" you snap, "I can't -- fuck -- I can't fucking fix him for you." "I'm not asking you to fix him," he says back, a pain deep in his chest coming through with his voice, "I'm asking you to be sure that you still want to be a part of this -- your wedding's what -- October? You really wanna be worrying about this?" "For better or for worse, right?" you ask back, choking on the lump in your throat, "That's the promise." Eddie tucks his lips in, his own eyes getting teary while he scans the gouges that Nancy carefully puts bandaids over. "Ice your hip and shoulder for the first couple days," he mutters, biting the edge of his them, "After a fall like that. Then heat." You nod, quietly murmuring a thank you. "S'what my mom used to do," he says under his breath. Eddie scans you slowly one more time, swallowing hard before pushing off the door frame and walking back down the hall. You hear their bedroom door click closed in the distance. "You know how he gets," Nancy says, "Stuff like that y'know -- that's hard for him." "I know." She takes a washcloth, running it under cold water before squeezing it out. Droplets fall on the fabric of her light purple maternity shirt, leaving dark people marks on the top of her belly. She hands it to you. "Here, for his head," she says softly, "In case he's not all the way back yet."
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You creep slowly into the guest room, seeing him laying on his stomach with half his face buried in the pillow. His sculpted arms tucked under it to give him something to hold. "Baby?" you ask quietly, "You awake?" He nods with his eyes closed and you look him over -- big hulking man who needs to be held. He hates it but you can't help but love him for knowing he needs it. You put the wet face cloth on the side table, sliding down next to him while he moves over to his side. In one swift motion you've replaced the pillow -- arms wrapping tight around your waist and up your back, one hand molding over your shoulder. He hides his face in your neck and you can feel his tears on his lashes and cheeks. His shoulders shake while he cries for a while, cold sweat damp on his shirt and the back of his neck. You never check how long he cries for – as long as he does. “I’m here,” you say softly, nails grazing his scalp in a steady swipe, “I’m right here.” You adjust a bit in his hold and you feel his grip tighten slightly, a soft whine of desperation leaking from his throat. “Don’t go, please,” he begs softly. “M’not going anywhere big guy,” you soothe, “This wedding’s already put us ten grand in the hole. Where would I even go, now?” You hear a soft ‘tsss’ come out of him, a tug of a smile against the skin of your neck where he hides. 
“Oh, is that funny?” you joke, still coasting your fingers through his hair. He groans, letting his arms let go of you so he can sit up, you can see the tension in his body still. Steve looks down at you with tear stained cheeks and tired eyes, beckoning you forward with his fingers. You sit up for your thank you kiss, his warm palm cupping your cheek while he holds you gently in place. He kisses once slowly, then twice, three times – holding the last so you know he means it. When you break away he rests his forehead against yours, offering a few shallow breaths. You stand up off the bed while he sits off the edge of it, standing between his thighs. 
"Did I hurt you?" he asks softly. He asks after every episode ever since he did hurt you back when you first started dating. A swift smack to the arm that stung for a solid twenty minutes afterward with the amount of power he put into it. It welted. He cried for hours. He wrote you love letters every day for a week. 
You nod, showing him the scratches and bandages on your arms, "I think you thought I was a vine or something. You threw me. Like, to the ground. It was pretty hard."
His lower lip quivers, "No, no, no." “No, Steve,” you assure, trying to calm him, “It’s okay, you didn’t know. It’s alright, I’m alright. It was an accident.” 
His face contorts while the tears start again, his big hands reach out to your waist, pulling you close to him, "It's not okay, it's not alright."
His voice raises an octave while he cries, "I'm sorry, baby."
"It's okay, Stevie, shh," you whisper to him, he pulls you in tighter, body shaking while pressing his nose against your cheek.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he cries, sniffling, "You know I didn't mean it."
"I know you didn't," you say back, your own cry getting caught in your throat. He sniffles again, leaning back to face you, both of his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs rubbing the apples.
"I love you," he says with a depth and intensity that makes the lump in your throat give way. You cry with him and it breaks his heart, "I love you so much honey, you know I’d never…"
You nod, trying to calm your cry the way he was able to calm his -- so used to swallowing it up even though you'd beg him not to.
"I – shit – I have to tell you something," he says softly, hands sliding from your cheeks back down to your waist and then your hips. He looks down at the small triangle of mattress between you and the apex of his thighs.
"What's up, Steve?" you ask, running your hands through his hair again soothingly, "What is it?"
He lifts his head up, eyes shutting at the comforting touch, but when he opens them he looks defeated -- guilty, "I haven't been taking my meds at night. I was -- was flushin’ them cause I just -- baby, I don't know. I can't keep depending on this shit."
"Steve."
"I know," he nods, "I know...That's why -- that's why my shit's getting worse."
"You're not just taking this stuff to take it," you say, cupping his cheeks, "It's to keep you here. It's to keep you with me."
"I know," he repeats, voice cracking again, "I'll call my shrink tomorrow I promise. I'll get back on track. Fuck -- I'm sorry -- and I'm -- I'm sorry I was so mean to you this morning."
"It's okay," you nod, pressing a kiss to his forehead. You drop your hands and rub his shoulder, "I think we should go home, alright? We can get on the couch for the night and just rest."
"Okay," he says quietly, nodding. He slowly gets up off the bed, a little dizzy, using you for support. You both slowly walk out of the bedroom, Nancy peeking around the end of the hall.
"Everything good?" she asks.
You smile at her, "Yeah, I think we're gonna head home."
She smiles tightly, heading into the kitchen where the rest of the group still sits, eating and talking. Their heads turn when you both come into view -- soft eyes and smiles.
"I'm okay, guys," Steve nods, barely able to meet their gazes, "It's fine."
Nancy approaches you with a few tupperwares filled with food and dessert, "We'll get the cooler back to you on Tuesday."
"Don't worry about it," you smile, gathering the tupperware in your arms. You watch as the group gets up one by one to give Steve a hug goodbye. Their movements are slow and controlled, warning touches on his shoulders beforehand to remind him ‘It’s just me, it’s just my arms, I’m hugging you’. Soft mumbled words of support, nothing too loud ��� don’t startle each other. Wraiths of the friendship they all shared earlier. Rehearsed reactions to all of their sensitive needs – if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen all of theirs. And you had, once or twice. “I’ll get a copy bound for you,” Erica says while she hugs him. “You make me so proud, Sinclair,” he smiles. Nancy walks you both to the door and you turn, “How’s Ed?” “He’ll call later,” she nods, a look behind her eyes that matches yours. You hug goodbye, share quick reminders about food for the baby shower and a few crafty decoration plans before heading to the car with a very tired Steve. The rain patters on the hood of the Lexus while you both sit in the leather interior, this time with you in the driver's seat. He rubs at his temples with his eyes closed while you rifle through your purse for a sandwich baggie of emergency migraine medicine. “Here,” you say, handing him the pill, “Before it starts to get bad.” “Hmm,” he grumbles in agreement, popping it in his dry mouth to suck it down.  “We’ll be home soon, okay?” you say, hand coming down on his thigh reassuringly, “Just close your eyes for now.” 
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He takes the tupperwares when you get out of the car, fishing his keys out of his back pocket while he does. His strides are long while you hurry up behind him, following him into the house only to bump into his back while he’s stopped by the thermostat to turn on the air. “Sorry,” you say softly. “S’okay,” he replies back, barely above a whisper. He puts the food in the fridge while you head upstairs to start a shower, a ritual you’ve both come to learn well after days or nights like these. You take out the good soap, the shower oil, all the aroma therapy you can to get him to ease up. Anyone else watching you get things ready would assume it was about to be a very sexy time for you. On the same coin, these showers are probably the most intimate moments you have with each other. He comes in as the room starts to steam and you help him ease off his polo, you start on the buttons of your dress while he takes off his jeans and socks. He helps with your bra, both of you shedding your underwear at the same time before you step in. Steve soothes almost instantly, his muscles relaxing under the hot stream, sighing further while he gets soaped up. You don’t have to be in there with him, but you do. He needs you so close so he doesn’t float away. His favorite part comes near the end, sitting in the flow of the shower together while you wash his hair. His eyes flutter closed while your nails scratch and massage him – he swears his hair is even thicker than it was before with all the blood flow you encourage. You wash his hair twice, then deep condition, holding him to your chest while you wait the five minutes it takes to settle in. He leaves soft kisses on your collar bone, on all the marks he left on you in Nance and Eddie's kitchen. He holds your hand, so you can’t float away. You both end up on the couch afterward, the leather groaning beneath you both while you lay across the deep seat cushions, you lay on your back, he lays on his side against you. The heat of his bare chest warms you through your oversized sleep shirt. His soft sweat pants tangle up with your bare legs. You let whatever’s on TV play – reruns you guess, you’re thinking about too many other things. “How’s your head, baby?” you ask while his eyes shut, leaning on your shoulder. “S’fine, better,” he says, he lifts your hand and kisses your fingers before placing both his and your hand on your chest over your heart. The ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dum lulling him to sleep. You half watch TV for however long until your own eyelids get heavy. You click off the TV and opt to turn the stereo on low, just so he doesn’t get lost while he sleeps.
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You wake up to oldies, music your parents would listen to on records in the living room growing up – songs that came out a few years before you were born. Oldies. It's dark outside but you can still hear the rain. Steve’s already awake, just watching you while his hand smooths back and forth over your sternum. “You snored,” he says. “Good,” you reply quietly. You both snort out breathy laughs, feeling the warmth of his lips as they smoosh against your cheek. “How you feeling?” he asks, hand coming up to rest on your cheek, sliding down the side of your neck. “A little banged up,” you say, “Might bruise.” “M’sorry,” he says again, a tinge of guilty pink tinging his ears. “It’s okay,” you repeat for what feels like the thousandth time in the past six hours. “You looked really pretty today,” Steve says gently, almost sheepish, “I should’ve told you.” “You looked really handsome,” you say back, “But you were kind of being an asshole so I didn’t want to tell you.” “You should’ve told me, it probably would’ve cured my PTSD,” he says seriously but sarcastically, “Could’ve saved the entire afternoon if you just said how good I looked. Prob’ly wouldn’t have had an episode.” “You’re such an ass,” you laugh, smiling. He leans in to kiss you and it’s the kind that makes you too weak to stand. That kiss got him a second date, it proved that they said about old King Steve in highschool. On the stereo, Sherry Baby bleeds into Unchained Melody.
His hand reaches up under your neck to tilt you up toward him, tasting your tongue with his, guiding you with his kiss, “Angel…” he murmurs. He breathes through his nose while he keeps his lips pressed to yours, desperate to stay here in this moment, attached to you. “Steve,” you say softly, breaking away, “Stevie…” “Please,” he whispers, nuzzling your nose slowly, “Please.” “Lemme take care of you.” “I…” your thoughts trail off while he kisses your neck, sucking and nibbling gently at the spot just by the hinge of your jaw. He waits for your soft sigh, the tilt of your hips towards him – your allowance. He grins when he hears the air pass your lips, the realignment of your spine beneath him while he settles between your squishy thighs. His hands travel south, pushing up the hem of your big t-shirt to your waist, holding you there for a moment while his kiss takes over your mouth again. He tugs your cotton panties down, breaking the kiss while he sits up on the couch to slide them off your ankles. Steve looks down at you with an expression that makes your breath catch in your chest, serious – with supple lips, needy eyes. He leads himself back down again, big hands sliding down the sides of your thighs over your hips to your waist again. Instinctively, your legs spring up to wrap around him while his hips align with yours, feeling his strained cock in his sweats against you. “Jesus…” he whispers again, eyes fluttering closed. He buries his face in your neck while you rock slowly against him, the pressure and friction against the underside of his erection sending low volts through his body. “Mm-mm,” he grunts, shaking his head ‘no’ while mumbling, “It’s supposed to be about you.” “Well stop dangling it in front of me then,” you giggle quietly, he giggles too. The smile sends you reeling, his pretty teeth, the way his nose scrunches. He leans forward again to kiss, he just can’t stop kissing, can’t stop tasting your lips, feeling you against him. Steve’s hand reaches down to pull himself out of his sweats, pushing the waistband to the tops of his thighs while he uses the other to push one thigh out off the couch. “You ready f’me?” he asks huskily, tip dragging slowly from the pool of slick at your opening up in between your folds. He lets his thumb run in slow circles over your clit while he waits for your answer, your slow nod while you lean your head back on the arm rest gives him the okay. He eases himself in slow, the tip pushing past your opening with some resistance. “Open up a lil’, honey,” he mumbles quietly while he guides the tip in again, “Open up for me.”
Your little gasps float out of you and into the fuzzy part of his brain, gliding down his spine. You angle your hips upward, one thigh up against the couch cushions and the other dangling over the edge, spread as wide as you can. He holds himself above you with one arm, the other aiding in pushing himself further in, the tip finally breaching your core. He keeps guiding, slow back and forths while you ease open for him – taking him in, inch by inch. “Oh yes, mhm,” he groans to himself softly, “Thass–hmm-that’s it, angel.” He let’s go when he’s three fourths in, crowding over you, forearms on each side of your head while he strokes slowly to start – getting you used to him, accommodating his size. “That’s good?” he breathes. “Ye-yeah,” you breathe back to him. His mouth latches to yours again, feeling him guide your hands up beside your head, lacing fingers while he presses you deeper into the couch cushions. He keeps his strokes slow and deliberate, feeling every ridge of you inside, how you suck him in and hug him tight in place – but how he feels isn’t nearly as important. It’s the way your brows contort, the way you bite your lip, your whines into his mouth while he kisses you. Each slow thrust makes you coat him in a new flow of slickness. “C’mere,” he says into your jawline, letting go of one hand to sneak behind you at the waist, pulling you flush to him. The new angle makes you let out a whine while he hits a spot deep inside you, he grunts at the reaction, the feeling of you taking him in. His pace picks up the smallest tick, face centimeters from yours – your noses brush, lips barely touching while his amber eyes keep steady on yours. You let out short huffs, little whimpers every time the head of his cock pushes deeper with every roll of your hips. “S’nice, hm?” he asks, brows slanting, softening. “Mhm,” you squeak back, “S-so good, honey.” Your legs pull in again, socked heels resting on the top of his butt while he sighs at the change in pressure. “Thassperfect, god,” he hisses out, head dropping down to your chest, pressing sloppy kisses above your breasts while he gathers himself. He groans into your neck while wet warmth tightens over him, soft velvet walls coaxing him closer and closer to the edge. 
Steve’s shoulders flex while he balances on his forearms above you again, your forgotten hand taken by his, fingers interlocked. His face inches from yours while he looks at you, the way your eyes flutter, the soft parting of your lips, the high pitched  ‘Uhn, uhn, uhn, uhn,’s coming out of them — you’re so beautiful.
“So pretty,” he says to you, huffing a breath into a smile, “So pretty, baby.” 
You kiss him a thank you. You see him swallow when he breaks away, his eyes getting glassy. 
“S’gonna be okay,” he assures, nodding down at you, nose to nose, “We’re gonna be okay.” Slow thrusts  between statements. 
“Gonna get married,” he says, a groan flowing right down into your mouth while he kisses you, “Gonna be just like Ed and Nance, right?” 
You nod while his thrusts get more passionate, deeper.
“Yeah? That’s nice?” he asks, “Marry you? Take you just like this after the wedding?” 
“Yeah,” you gasp back, “Yes, Stevie.” 
“Give you a baby?” he asks in a low whisper into your skin, lips pressing against your cheek, his strong nose dragging against your cheek bone, “Give you so many babies. You want that?” 
“I want that,” you nod, face pinching while you feel yourself building up and up in a slow churn. 
“You want that?” he asks again, coming back to hover over you — tears in his eyes, “You want that with me?” 
You nod to each other while he embraces you in an old movie kiss, wrapping himself around you, pressing him to his chest while his thrusts get purposeful, controlled. 
“I love you,” he pants into your ear, “I’m yours, m’all yours.”
“I love you, too,” you rasp back, free’d fingers interlocking in his hair. He gets leverage on his knees, the leather of the couch squeaking under him while he repositions. Soft smacks of skin between you echo in the living room against the backdrop of the low stereo.   “Oh my god, Steve,” you moan out, “You’re – oh god you’re so deep.” “So deep, angel, Christ–” he huffs, trying to make a mental note of this position so he can remember it for October – really make it stick. His thought process stifled when your nails drag down his back, making his passionate thrusts quicken – a signature cocky smirk flick across his lips. “Mmm, that feels good honey?” he asks – he knows the answer. Your mouth hangs open in a silent scream, tears glazing over your eyes while he feels you pulse over him. Thank god the couch was leather. Watching you bathe in the afterglow of your orgasm he works you toward the second with ease, chasing his pleasure with each soaking thrust into you – so nice like this, so pliant – his little ragdoll. When he cums it’s deliberate, spilling inside you with your eyes on each other. You give one another breathless kisses, bodies interlocked, sticking to the couch in new found exhaustion. The phone rings. Neither of you get up to answer it. ‘BEEP. You’ve reached the Harrington residence – Did you forget my last name isn’t Harr– If you’re calling before October 1997 then it’s not just the Harrington residence yet but – whatever you know what I mean. Leave a message, we might call ya back.’
“Hey Harrington it’s Munson, um, just making sure you’re okay, man. Sorry I disappeared for a little bit there. Love you, call me back when you can. Bye.” 
thanks for reading. <3
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augustjustice · 3 months
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Chemistry, History, and Shared Trauma
AO3 Link
The day Eddie’s released from the hospital, he’s packed up into Steve’s BMW and driven straight to the Harrington mansion.
The government agents are still in the process of doing the whole song-and-dance routine required to clear Eddie’s name, so laying low is ideal. There hasn’t been time to relocate Wayne to a new trailer–something Owen promises is happening, though Eddie will believe it when he sees it–and a hotel room isn’t really a great place to recover, especially considering the state Eddie finds himself in. 
When the question of where exactly he was going to go had come up, Steve had volunteered all too quickly.
“You can stay with me,” he had said, easy as pie, like it was nothing. “My parents aren’t home, and, besides…it’s not like anybody’s going to be looking for you there.”
Though Eddie had tried to protest, quick to say that he didn’t want to put Steve out, his jock savior wouldn’t hear a word of it.
So, the next day, Steve had shown up to the hospital early, signed all the appropriate paperwork, and then wheeled Eddie out into the parking lot whistling some upbeat, poppy tune Eddie didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of recognizing–but still found oddly endearing, in spite of himself. 
And that had been that, Steve hauling Eddie’s cane out for him under one arm and his bag of meds in the other once they pull up in front of the Harringtons’ house, ready to put Eddie up in the guest room next to his like he’d belonged there all along.
Eddie’s mobility is still pretty limited–hence the cane and the wheelchair now sitting in the Harrington’s den–but that doesn’t mean he isn’t bold (and stupid) enough to try to make his way up the stairs on his own.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Steve scolds, catching Eddie around the waist as he wavers on his feet a little, clearly being careful of the open wounds on his stomach and torso. “Hold on, just…hold on, man.” 
“You got me, big boy?” Eddie teases.
The flirtatious call back is a diversion, an attempt to cover up the embarrassment of having to be this damn reliant on…well, literally everyone around him, but Steve in particular from here on out. 
“Yeah. Yeah, I got you,” Steve says, tone nothing less than perfectly sincere. 
Eddie deliberately ignores the way his stomach gives a little swoop in response. 
So he leans on Steve heavily as they make their way to the next story of the house, close enough to get a faint whiff of Steve’s cologne, a surprisingly sweet mix of amber, vanilla, and something a little fruity tickling his nose. Once they’re finally inside, though, Eddie does manage to hold himself upright long enough for a quick look around, taking in the digs he’s going to be sleeping in.
The room itself is almost sterile in its cleanliness–neat military precious corners on the bed, devoid of the usual clutter Eddie associates with home. The blue floral pattern that covers the walls is bizarrely identical to the fabric of the curtains, the repetition almost comical, when he thinks about the uniformity of all the houses that line the street. It’s the kind of detail that would be called too ‘on the nose,’ if written into a book. 
Eddie’s surprised to find a few exceptions to the cold tidiness, however, and even more surprised those exceptions come in the form of a stack of fantasy novels stashed inside the bedside table and a couple of action figures tossed in one corner.
Following his gaze, Steve turns from where he’s ‘tidying up’ what can only be an imaginary mess perceptible to the eyes of babysitting monster hunters and babysitting monster hunters alone, Eddie guesses. He gives Eddie a wry look. 
“Dustin stays over sometimes,” he explains, “the other rugrats, too, but it’s still mostly his stuff that winds up here. Leaves his shit all over the place.” 
There’s a fondness to Steve’s smile that undercuts the annoyance in his words. 
Eddie thinks back to the months and months Dustin spent talking Steve up to him. How even then it never really occurred to him just how close they might be. It’s strange to think, now, that though Eddie’s spent nearly a whole school year as DM for Steve’s nerdy band of babysitting charges, their paths had rarely ever crossed, beyond glimpses and a handful of long forgotten words exchanged, before that nightmare of a Spring Break. Almost like their lives have been running in some kind of strange parallel, fated to collide, without either of them even noticing it.
Eddie’s not exactly sure how to phrase the feeling that comes over him at the thought, so instead he says, “I can’t believe we’re best friends with a fourteen year old, man.”
“God, tell me about it.” 
Eddie takes a few stumbling steps forward and sits down on the bed, honestly a bit proud of himself he manages it with as much grace as he does. As he settles in, he catches sight of a small stack of photos splayed out on the bedside, sitting atop what looks to be a photo album. 
Though it’s only a brief glimpse, the two visible pictures alone hint at the whole life story no doubt tucked away between glossy pages. 
Theres’s Dustin, several years younger than he is now, in a suit shooting the camera his gummy smile and with a hairdo that looks suspiciously like Steve’s own. And a polaroid shows Robin sprawled out on the counter at Scoops Ahoy, company policy be damned and a book in her hand, Steve’s head just in frame as she flips off the camera.  
While Steve fusses over him, fluffing his pillows and insisting he go get Eddie something to drink, Eddie can’t help but think he'd sorta like to hear it sometime–Steve Harrington’s life story. Be regaled with tales, from the photos and beyond, now that they’re here together, after the almost end of the world.
He hopes that, maybe, if he’s lucky, Steve will want to tell him some day. 
---
The bloodcurdling scream wakes Steve. 
He’s out of his room and down the hall in a flash, nail bat quickly snatched out of its hiding place underneath his bed with ease after years of practice. 
Even with his heart racing, he’s quiet when he opens the guest bedroom door, not wanting to scare Eddie or alert…anything else that might be lurking inside. 
“Eddie,” Steve calls out, whisper soft as he approaches the bed. When he repeats it, it’s a little harsher, more of a hiss, trying to get Eddie’s attention. “Eddie!” 
As he draws closer, Steve can see that Eddie is sweating, large droplets visible where they’ve beaded on his forehead, and he’s writhing hard enough in the sheets Steve’s worried he’s going to pop a stitch if he doesn’t stop him soon.
There’s really only one option ahead Steve sees for himself. 
So he gets a knee on the mattress and climbs into the bed, wrapping his arms around Eddie to still him. Even as he does it, Steve worries his bottom lip between his teeth, anxious Eddie might fight against the restriction and inadvertently make the situation worse. 
But then huge brown eyes fly open, Eddie’s terror reflected plainly as he stares up at Steve. 
“Jeez–Christ!” Eddie manages to get out, stuttered and slurred, cutting off when Steve makes a soft shushing sound. 
“Hey, man,” Steve murmurs, trying to keep his tone soothing as he gives him a tentative smile, “it’s me. It’s just me. You’re okay, you’re safe.” 
He brushes Eddie’s sweaty bangs back from his forehead, a gesture that would be too intimate in any other circumstances, and then just keeps trying to murmur reassuring shit to him, voice low and gentle. 
“I’m here, Eds. I’m here.” 
Eddie is shaking against him, but he isn’t squirming or trying to buck him off, which Steve takes as a good sign–as ideal, really, as Steve could hope for in this situation. One of Eddie’s hands comes up to run down his face, his curls shifting against the pillow as he shakes his head fervently. 
“Shit, Harrington, I thought–I mean, what I saw–” he trails off, lip trembling. 
“I get it, man. Trust me, I get it.”
Though Eddie had squeezed his eyes firmly shut through the come down, he blinks them open again, looking at Steve through the darkness.
“Yeah, uh. Guess you would, wouldn’t you? Probably better than anybody.” 
Steve can only nod his agreement.
“I mean, not just me. All of us get them,” he whispers, compelled to say it quietly, as he’s not sure if that truth is a comfort or a burden. “The nightmares, you know? Nance, Dustin, Robin–me.” 
“Well, can I just say, they truly and royally suck.”
“Yeah…can’t really argue with you there, man.”
Eddie seems to register, then, that Steve has curled his body around him. His steadily loosening posture goes stiff again, much to Steve’s disappointment, and his eyes dart over nervously to catch Steve’s as he sucks in his bottom lip. 
“Fuck, I-I’m sorry, dude. I totally didn’t mean to wake you up with my–terror-filled screams.”
The smile he shoots Steve is self-deprecating, tentative. 
Steve’s grip slackens, but he doesn’t pull away, still pressed against Eddie’s side. 
“Hey,” Steve coaxed, “you don’t need to do that, Eds. Like I said, we all fucking get them. That’s what I’m here for, okay? I–just wanna help when I can.”
The quirk of Eddie’s lips looks more genuine, now, some of the tension draining away. 
“You know, Harrington, it’s kinda annoying how much I know you mean that.”
“Better get used to it, Munson. Cuz I’m not going anywhere.”
Steve gives Eddie one final quick squeeze around his shoulders, wondering if the gesture somehow crosses the line of casual, friendly touch Steve has gotten used to doling out to Eddie since all the Upside Down shit started, the jocular back pats and hair ruffling he’d justified as just typical guy stuff. 
With that thought firmly at the front of his mind, Steve pulls away, albeit reluctantly. That said, he really doesn’t want to go back immediately on his word by slinking off to his bedroom, abandoning Eddie to fight off whatever images linger alone in the dark.
Especially not when he hears the almost imperceptible noise Eddie lets out as he stands. 
Steve eyes the floor speculatively, an idea already taking root in his head. 
“Speaking of, why don’t I just–stay here tonight. Yeah?” he suggests, already tossing the pillow and throw from the chair in the corner on the ground, making himself a pallet.
Sure, it’s not the most comfortable sleeping position ever, but between chairs in the Wheelers’ basement and the cold, hard floor of a Russian elevator, Steve’s done a lot worse. 
“C’mon, man–you don’t have to do that,” Eddie tries to protest. 
Like Steve can’t clearly see how haggard he looks, peering down at Steve through the curtain of his hair, the end of one strand damp where he’s pulled it up to his mouth and chewed on it.
Steve waves him off. “It’s not a problem. I already told you, dude, Henderson stays over all the time–you think I’ve never had to have a floor sleepover when he was around? Get real.”
Eddie quirks an eyebrow at him. 
“...Something tells me you’re not going anywhere even if I pull out my magnificent rhetorical skills from years of DMing  and try to argue with you, huh?”
Steve thinks that really Eddie’s just proved his point, the fact that, since Steve mentioned staying, he’s recovered himself enough to be teasing all the more reason sticking around is clearly a good thing. 
“Nope,” he answers, voice chipper as he shoots a finger gun at Eddie.
Eddie shakes his head ruefully. “Alright, didn’t think so.” 
Without further ado, Steve flops himself gracelessly onto his makeshift bed for the night, the thick carpet beneath softening his landing. 
“Night, Eddie.”
“Yeah. Yeah, night, Steve.”
Several long moments pass, and Steve listens, waiting to hear Eddie’s breathing evening out. It’s a sound he has become well acquainted with after many nights spent at the hospital, fitfully trying to sleep in the uncomfortable chair at Eddie’s bedside. When he fails to hear that telltale signal, Steve can’t help but stay tensed, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice.
He doesn’t have to wait long before Eddie breaks the silence.
“Steve?” Eddie calls out, voice wavering. “Could you–fuck, man, I just need…”
He trails off, becoming muffled as he probably buries his face in his hands again. Even in the darkness, as Steve sits up, he can see the way Eddie’s shoulders hitch with his uneven breathing. 
Without a word, he abandons the pillow and blanket on the floor to climb back onto the bed. Eddie doesn’t even look up when Steve’s weight dips the mattress.
“Hey, man,” Steve hipchecks him, nudging him over gently, “move over.”
“Harrington…” Eddie drawls slowly, looking completely lost even as he does as requested. His eyes widen further when Steve climbs into the empty space he left behind. “What’re you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Steve asks, raising an eyebrow as he leans back onto the pillows, getting comfortable. 
“I know what it looks like, I just need some reassurance I’m not just hallucinating from blood loss or something here, man. Maybe you didn’t actually pull me, barely alive, out of that hellhole, and everything since then has all just been a really, really elaborate dream.” 
Steve laughs, jostling his shoulder slightly.
“You’re not hallucinating.”
Eddie continues to stare at him in silent disbelief, causing Steve to sigh and sit up.
“Look, man, I–I get it, okay? All this, afterwards…sometimes it helps, just…being together. Close by, you know?”
Steve had had Nancy and the pretense of normalcy after the first go around, though that had all quickly gone to hell. 
And the second time, when the kids truly were still kids, not the tiny adults they were fast becoming, there had been Dustin. The night after their second showdown, they’d slept side-by-side on their own makeshift palate on Joyce Byers’ living room floor, the other munchkins all scattered around them and Steve’s hand ruffled in Dustin’s hair, just the reassurance that he was there safe and comforting.
It was the best Steve had slept in almost a year. 
And then, after the third time, there had been Robin. Filling up his parents’ empty house with laughter, movie marathons and impromptu sleepovers. Robin crawling into his bed in the middle of the night because she didn’t want to sleep alone in the echoing walls of Casa de Harrington, the two of them kicking each other like two giggling preteens until they fell asleep. 
So, yeah. Together, in Steve’s many years of experience, was undeniably better.
“Besides, this way I can check and make sure you don’t actually bleed out in the middle of the night.” 
“...If you say so,” Eddie says dubiously, but he doesn’t argue any further, which Steve counts as a win. He’s learned to take them where he can get them, these days. 
But even after his agreement, Eddie’s restlessness is transparent. He fidgets beside Steve–drumming his fingers, squirming in the sheets as though trying to get comfortable, and eventually rolling half onto his side so that he’s facing away from Steve entirely. As Steve peers curiously at the outline of his shoulders, he realizes Eddie is still trembling, just a little.
His heart gives a painful kick in his chest. 
“Here, just–” Steve turns until he’s lined up along Eddie’s back and then wraps a hand around his waist, pulling him back against him.
Eddie’s fidgeting stops immediately as he freezes in Steve’s arms. 
“How’s that?” he asks into the waves of Eddie’s hair brushing against his face. “Better?” 
“Uh.” 
The hesitation in Eddie’s voice makes Steve really wish he could see his face, get a better read on the situation. Eddie’s so damn expressive, he might as well be the poster boy for “heart on his sleeve” as a phrase. 
“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”
“Are you totally weirded out?” Steve asks, trying to keep his voice casual. “If you want me to, like, stop, you can just…tell me, you know.” 
“No,” Eddie laughs, his head dipping downwards, “no, man, it’s…it’s definitely not that. I’m just trying to reconcile several shifting pieces of my world outlook into place all at once.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
Eddie turns, then, tipping over onto his back again so he can stare at Steve in disbelief. Steve doesn’t loosen his hold on his waist. 
“Steve Harrington. Is in my bed. Spooning me,” Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “None of that strikes you as weird?”
“I’m not spooning you now,” Steve points out. “You turned around.”
“Dude!” Eddie smacks his shoulder, shaking his head, laughter in his voice. They’re close enough his hair tickles Steve’s face as it whips around them.
“And, no, not really,” Steve shrugs. “Probably doesn’t even rank in the top ten weirdest things I’ve done in the past three years.” 
“I mean…after the shit I’ve seen? I don’t doubt that, dude.”
But Eddie stares at him for a long beat after he admits it, eyes bright and brows drawn. There’s an expression, on his face, like he’d like to crack Steve open and see how his gears work, understand him from the inside out. 
Plenty of people have looked at Steve like they wanted him. Steve’s not sure anyone has ever looked at him like this before, though. 
The comforter has fallen down around Eddie’s waist, the shirt Steve had lent him riding up, exposing the pale line of his stomach. The worst of the wounds are still covered in bandages, the stitching hidden underneath them, but a patch of fresh, purple scarring spills out from the stark white gauze.
That’s the only real explanation that Steve has, for what he decides to break the sudden, loaded silence with.
(Plus maybe, just maybe, it’s one way of giving Eddie a part of himself, one jigsaw piece in the puzzle those bright brown eyes seem eager to solve.)
“You know, Nancy has a scar on her palm.”
When Eddie’s face turns towards his on the pillow, shooting him a puzzled look, he keeps going. 
“Here, like this,” Steve tries to sound nonchalant as he takes Eddie’s hand, drags a finger gently across it. He’s not sure how much he’s succeeded, seeing the way the furrow of Eddie’s brow deepens in the low light. “And it’s…from the first time, with the demogorgon? Nancy and Jonathan, they–they lured it out together, and they’ve got the matching scars to prove it. She explained it to me, later, what happened.”
“I mean…that sounds like a gnarly war wound,” Eddie observes hesitantly. Then, his lips tug into a lopsided smile. “Not as impressive as a missing nipple, of course, but, you know–not everybody can be as badass as me.”
“Shut up, dude,” Steve scoffs, trying to bite back his own smile as he very gently jostles Eddie’s arm. 
“What I’m trying to say, Harrington, is–I’m not really sure why you’re telling me this now?”
“I was getting to it, Eds. Sheesh, when it comes to patience, you're as bad as the munchkins.”
Eddie inclines his head for Steve to continue, not even bothering to hide his amusement. “You have my sincerest apologies for interrupting, Stevie. Please–carry on, my liege.”
“Thank you,” Steve says snippily, partially out of habit, and partially because returning to the topic at hand is making him a little nervous. “So, like I was saying–Jonathan and Nance, they’ve got these matching marks on their hands, right? And, after they got back together–not to sound like a stalker, or anything, for the record this was when we would hang out sometimes–but more than once I would…I would catch them, just. Doing this thing where they pressed their palms together, like this.”
He demonstrates, spreading his hand out so his and Eddie’s hands line up together perfectly, Steve’s own longer fingers inching out over the tips of Eddie’s own.
“I don’t think they ever realized I noticed. But I always knew, when they did it, they were comparing their–what did you call them?–their matching war wounds. Like they carried this secret little thing that would always tie them together, no matter what happened. And I’m not gonna pretend I wasn’t jealous, at first, but even then, I always thought it was…nice. The thought of having somebody who would always be connected to you, that way, where you could never really erase what you’d been through together.” 
A long beat of silence passes between them, him and Eddie staring at each other in the moonlight. Steve hopes, desperately, that maybe some part of what he’s trying to work up to saying is getting through. 
“That is…incredibly morbid. Especially for you, Harrington,” Eddie notes finally, a corner of his mouth ticking up in amusement. 
Steve huffs out a breath, beginning to pull his hand away, “Whatever, man, if you’re just gonna make fun, forget I said any–”
“Shit, no no no, dude!” Eddie’s arm flies out, gripping Steve tightly around the wrist, not letting him slink away. “I’m sorry, Stevie, I–that’s not what I meant. I do, I do get what you’re saying. Like you said, scars like that–they work like a symbol, that you’ve been through some tough shit together, side by side, and made it out the other end alive. I totally fucking get it, dude. And against all instincts, I do think it’s pretty romantic, in an absolutely metal sorta way. That’s why I said it like that. Just didn’t expect your romantic side to come with so much edge, Stevie boy.”
“Yeah, well,” Steve lets out a dry huff, “almost dying about a hundred times will do that to a person.” 
“Yeah, I guess it will. I’m, uh. Still not completely clear about what Wheeler and Byers’ big epic love story has to do with us, though?” Eddie’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. “Unless…you’re here to wallow? In which case–I mean, fair enough. Wallow away, my good sir. You’ve more than earned it.”
“It’s not that,” Steve insists, even as he shrugs his shoulders, slightly conceding the point. “I mean, sure, with Nancy…I really thought she was it for me, once upon a time. And so when I saw what she had, with Jonathan–it hurt. Because it was her, of course, but also…because I wanted that with someone, as twisted as it maybe sounds. I’d gone through hell and back, too, and all I got was that nail bat and a bunch of mouthy kids to look out for.”
Eddie lets out a bark of laughter, and Steve grins back at him.  
“Not that I’m complaining, or anything. I mean, I got Robin, too, and I don’t know what I’d do without her, or the hellions, for that matter. But, I–”
Deliberately, he tugs up his own shirt, shifting until he’s pressing carefully against Eddie’s side. Their matching bandages brush, an identical swath of white in the darkness, tangled scars seeming to almost curl together. It’s hard, in that moment, to tell where one of them ends and the other begins. 
“I just–never thought I’d have anybody else to match with. That’s all.” 
“But–now you do?” Eddie says slowly, something cautious in his voice.
“Well, yeah,” Steve shrugs, the corner of his mouth curving upwards in a tentative half-smile. “Now I’ve got you.”
“...You got me,” Eddie agrees quietly, almost like he’s afraid to speak that part out loud. “Dragged me out of hell and everything, Harrington. No return receipt after all that so…don’t really think there’s any getting rid of me now, even if you wanted to.”
“Good,” Steve says curtly, with a sharp, certain nod of his head, leaving no room for any creeping doubts. “Like I said, Munson, I’ve been waiting on this for a while, so you don’t get to run out on me now.”
Eddie shakes his head again, lips curling in bemusement. 
“You are something else entirely, Steve Harrington,” he admits. “Full of surprises.”
“Good ones?” Steve asks, suddenly self-conscious.
Eddie tilts his head back and forth, as though he’s considering.
(Later, he will tease Steve about it mercilessly.
“Was that the infamous Harrington charm at work? Bet you tell that one to all the boys you lure into your bed, seduce them with tales of matching battle wounds connecting you like a pair of fated lovers.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Eds,” Steve will counter with that same sincerity that always sends Eddie blushing, “cuz I’ve never said anything like that before. Not to anybody. Not before you.”)
But, for now, it takes only a moment for Eddie’s face to dissolve into a warm smile. Reaching over, he tangles his fingers with Steve’s again, tugging their interlaced hands up to rest against one of the scarred patches stretching across his belly. 
The skin feels smooth under Steve’s hand. For a moment, he wonders how it would feel, to press his lips there. 
“Yeah,” Eddie answers, eyes sparkling with so many promises of the future, for now left unsaid. “Yeah, I’d say pretty good so far.”
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shadesoflsk · 4 months
Text
BLANCA NAVIDAD
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pairing: leon kennedy x fem reader.
summary: Leon never liked Christmas. Memories of him being taken away from his parents and countless missions made him a bitter man. However, he wouldn't have guessed that one day, he would be placing Christmas stockings with a wife and a little bundle of joy next to him.
warnings: Mostly fluff, dad leon, mentions of injuries, alcohol problems, Leon being an orphan, mild hurt (nothing bad I swear) so cheesy and sappy.
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"to give up one's very self – to think only of others – how to bring the greatest happiness to others – that is the true meaning of Christmas."
The sounds of boxes being moved filled your living room. It’s the first week of December, and both of you have postponed the task of adorning your house with Christmas stuff until now. Between Leon’s job and your newfound activity (taking care of your 1 year old daughter) it’s been nearly impossible to find enough time to dedicate yourself to this special holiday. 
Leon had told you it was more than okay if you wanted to do it by yourself. He knew how much you love this holiday. And ever since halloween ended, you found yourself eager to buy even more stuff to fill your home with. Nonetheless, you waited for your husband. There was no way you would let this opportunity slip away.
And, as you walked into the living room carrying a box albeit Leon’s constant bickering about how you shouldn’t lift heavy things, your heart melted at the sight of Leon placing a christmas hat on you guys’ daughter, which was too big on her and partially covered her sight.
“Da-da” With the baby on his hip, Leon was once again trying to teach his daughter how to say his “name.” It all started with a simple joke about him being the favorite parent, but now it has turned into a serious situation, at least for him. He wanted his daughter to master the art of speaking before Christmas. Although he has noticed that his little one barely said anything else than babbling nonsense. She was almost there, those bwaaah would turn into dada, he was sure.
She had none of that, though. As soon as Leon started talking, she laughed. As if he was telling her the funniest joke ever. Your daughter had heart eyes for both of you, but you had to admit it – she was definitely a daddy's girl. The way her eyes get so big whenever she sees Leon, and how her tiny fingers wrap around his thumb each time he's feeding her – yeah, she loves her dad.
He was an expert in fatherhood. He had no recollection of ever taking care of kids before. But, as soon as his little girl was born, the father's instincts kicked in. The way her cries filled the hospital room made him want to turn off the world for a second and give his daughter and wife a well-deserved moment of peace.
However, he never thought his life would get so lucky that he would get to experience being a dad. Ever since he was born, he was surrounded by disaster and misfortune. Having to grow up at an orphanage wasn't the most ideal place to mold a child into a perfect human being, but it seems that the little time he had spent with his parents shaped him correctly.
“Ma-ma.” You walked behind Leon and placed a hand on his other hip. Your baby instantly kicked her little feet in excitement for seeing her mom. Maybe she's a mama's girl, too.
“Hey! She was almost saying dada.” Leon feigned disappointment as you tried luring your daughter into saying mama first. This was a competition between you and Leon. Which prize will be having the satisfaction of being the “favorite parent.”
“Yeah of course. My bad.” You chuckled, voice filled with sarcasm knowing that your daughter has been the laziest of babies. Most 1 year old babies already say mama or dad. Or both. Yet this little rascal just likes existing, eating, sleeping, and exploring.
Leon saw you carrying a box and sighed in mild disappointment. You could already hear him saying “I told you not to carry heavy things.” Ever since you recovered from surgery, he has gotten even more doting. Every need of you was met by the second, and you wouldn't complain, but you're still a functional adult who can actually lift boxes.
You remember when things didn't used to be like this. In the past, you weren't instantly devoted and whipped for the man that is now teaching your daughter how to say dada. You remember how your past self leaned over the counter, you were met by an usual reek of alcohol this man had. And, with a witty and drunk smile, he said his usual line.
“Another bottle here.” It was his third one that night. Not his third glass, his third bottle. He was slowly killing his liver and himself by the way kept drowning in this deadly and burning liquid. You had never met him before, but the way his dark blue eyes sometimes shone under the dim light, you knew he once was someone important. Or at least, someone needed.
“That would be your third one tonight.” You stated matter-of-factly. However, Leon didn't miss the way you refused to move and get him his booze. 
“Look at that… Smarty knows her numbers. Aren't you so, so clever?” The disdain in his voice had reached your ears. He was never the talkative client, he just spent all of his nights at your bar and drank to his heart's content. You know you shouldn't stick your nose in someone else's business yet you couldn't bear nor allow him to basically kill himself in front of you.
“Now can you please shut up and serve me another bottle.” He groaned as the empty bottle almost fell from the counter. His heavy eyelids almost closing if it wasn't from the fact that after the words he spat, you threw a glass of water to his face.
“You don't fucking talk to me like that.” Your usual warm and easy going self was long forgotten. No matter how many hardships and problems he may have, there was no way you would let him walk all over you like that. “I don't know what fucked up things you have experienced or how many people have betrayed you. But if you have time to drown yourself in this addiction and be mad about it, you also have time to make a change.”
Those words stuck with him. He knew he was being pathetic, Chris, Rebecca, hell even Claire had told him the same thing too. But he felt even more miserable when a random bartender called him out like that. Especially when you just needed to complete your job. Why would someone care? He pays, he gets his booze, repeat. But, you at least cared, even though it was something every rational human would do.
Eventually, his daily dose of booze decreased. You witnessed the small changes in him. Going from three bottles to just one, and to finally a few glasses. You witnessed how his usual dark clothes were replaced with a somewhat more colorful attire which brought out his once dull and empty blue eyes.
His slender frame slowly took form, recovering his muscles which were more visible now. His stubble remained, though. It was like a reminder of his own age – and his now different approach in life. Wiser and more careful with his own decisions. Your words didn't completely change him, but they surely helped him to see his life in another light.
Ultimately, a new Leon set foot in your bar. He was beaten up, his navy blue shirt had some blood spots while his dark brown hair was disheveled. He smelled like sweat and gunpowder. “If you ever need a tour guide in San Francisco let me know.” He said with a charming smile as you moved around your area of work. 
“I'll keep that in mind. What can I get you?” You chuckled as you went to retrieve his order. You could already hear him say it.
“Grape juice...” 
“And your number.”
Soft whines pulled you back from your trance as your babygirl grips on Leon's shirt. She wipes her face against the fabric. The little one was starting to get fuzzy since nap time had come. 
“Oh, someone is sleepy.” He coos, bringing her closer to his chest. Leon takes off the little Christmas hat that was on her head. Immediately, the little one brings her hand to her hair. She has picked up the habit to caress her own hair when falling asleep. Before she even gets to cry, Leon rocks her to sleep. His deep voice soothes her, the gentle tunes of a Christmas song was his choice of the day.
“May your days be merry and bright and may all your christmases be white.” Leon wasn’t the best of the singers but he would sing his heart out to his daughter. It was a tradition now since Leon never had someone to sing to him. The baby calmed down at a comical rate, as if she just needed her dad’s embrace to feel safe. She was safe. As long as Leon lives, you and his miracle would have the best life ever.
“I’m almost jealous, she falls asleep so fast with you.” You set down the box, stretching your arms. This is the first box out of so many, you weren’t the biggest spender nor a shopaholic but when you married Leon, some perks came with him. Those perks included having unlimited access to his black card which you use wisely. 
Wisely was an understatement, though. Having several copies of the same gingerbread man who dances every time you press a button wasn’t the wisest decision. But you and your daughter love it so Leon has to shut up. Everything for his family.
In the past, Christmas was a simple but dreadful date. He didn’t understand the point of it. When he was a rookie cop, he at least tried to force some polite smiles and give words of affirmations to his colleagues back at the police academy. He stupidly thought that once he got to work, his life would change. But the universe had other plans for him that night in September. He spent that year’s Christmas wishing to die. The government had taken away his right to end his life. Dying wasn't an option. The girl he saved back in Raccoon City, Sherry, needed him. 
Year after year, he grew resentful, angry and bitter. He expected to spend this holiday alone until his last days of life. Having to grow old and wither away, no one to care, no one who would remember him as a human and not a machine. Not the government’s lap dog.
But somehow, he met you. He was a dick at first, he knew it. Until this day, he never understood how you could choose him.  There was no guarantee he wouldn’t go back to his addiction one day. He vowed to never do it again, and he was sure to keep his promise. However, you could never know the extent of his words. You lived –at least to Leon– uncertain of how long he would be sober. But much to his dismay (or pleasure) you gave a chance to that renewed man, to that agent who had come from a mission in San Francisco that almost got him killed.
He was content with just you. He never asked for more, scared of being too greedy, too wishful. Your presence was enough for him, your smile made all of his problems go away. Your tender words were the medicine for his broken and beaten up heart, every last bit of self hatred went away with you. There was nothing else he wanted.
Until he realized that maybe, he could have the life he had always wanted.
When you announced you were expecting, Leon couldn’t show his happiness at first. He was scared. Hell, he even had to take a deep breath before telling you something. He never had a father, well he had one but his memories are too foggy. He grew up thinking kids were a mistake and that somehow, he was a mistake, too. 
He found himself slipping into the unborn baby's room when you were asleep. Watching how both of you have decorated the space where your little one will be welcomed. His fingers grazed over the white crib, already imagining what his daughter would look like. He likes to think he looks like his own mother, a blurry memory of her blonde hair swaying with the wind. His daughter will have a better life than his. He's going to fight for it.
His eyes would travel over your body. He knew how anatomy worked but watching it before his eyes was so extraordinary. Your little miracle was safely tucked inside of your belly. He has always known you were beautiful but damn – it seems that motherhood suits you a little too well. He was grateful, really grateful. You gave him the opportunity to indulge in the normal and domestic kind of life. 
“She's already asleep.” Your sweet voice called him, bringing him back to the present. While he was reminiscing about the past, the baby had already fallen asleep. Her cheek pressed against his shoulder as she breathed softly. Her tiny fingers still gripping his shirt.
“She's so lazy.” Leon whispered, his voice filled with softness and lighthearted teasing. He gently laid her on the couch, making sure to place some pillows around her in case she moved. A welcomed and soothing silence surrounded your still not decorated room. This was the perfect opportunity to start your Christmas task.
“You know… Now you can help me put up the countless decorations we have in these boxes.” You chuckled as you placed your hand on Leon’s cheek, your thumb grazing against the growing stubble. You loved moments like this where the only thing that lingered in the air was normalcy and harmony, no missions, no worries, just a happy family. 
“I’ll help you if you promise you won’t judge my artistic side.” His lips turned into a sly smirk before he pressed soft kisses against your lips. A sweet yet sincere demonstration of love. He always worries he’s not enough. You play your role as wife and mother, so he ought to be the best husband and father he can be while also balancing his job life. No bioweapon could compare with the fear of losing his own little family because of himself.
Time seems to fly when you’re surrounded with love, Leon lives by that saying. You both decided to put up the tree first since that’s the most arduous task to complete. It takes you almost an hour between placing the ornaments in the correct place and Leon being scolded because he can’t match colors even if his life depended on it. 
“Now big boy, you gotta put the star at the top.” You crossed your arms as Leon placed the last ornament on the tree. It wasn’t the best tree, especially since Leon didn’t give any artistic advice on his side. Some colors looked rather odd combined with others, but Leon thought it was abstract.
Almost inaudible babblings made you turn around and found your baby already awake. She was playing by herself, her hands reaching for the ceiling. You had to admit it – she was sometimes an angel. She easily entertained herself and barely cried. 
You reached for her and walked toward the tree. Now her fingers tried to grab the Christmas ornaments. The colors reflecting on her blue eyes – that she got from Leon. By the way she kept babbling nonsense it almost looked like she was talking.
“Huh? Right I told your mom that too but she didn’t like the idea.” Leon acted like he understood what the little one was saying. And she also engaged in the conversation, two people against your own ideas.
For a few minutes, you focused on your daughter and how amazed she seems to be with everything. In her own world, that tree was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen.
But out of nowhere, both of you looked back at Leon who was sniffing and gently sobbing in front of the tree.
“Sorry, sorry…” He chuckled before wiping away some of the tears that continued falling without stopping. He then waved his hand dismissively, expecting you to drop the subject. Now he had two pairs of eyes intensely looking at him, yours and your baby’s.
After a short while of him trying to keep his tears of joy at bay, he eventually spoke once again.
“Thank you. For… For this.” A gentle smile formed in his face as he opened his arms. You wasted no time to welcome the hug. Now, the three of you were in front of the Christmas tree. The babbling, the sobs, and the soothing music in the background formed a domestic and warm scene. Full of love, emotions, and devotion. His thank you conveyed so much more than just merely words of gratitude. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for believing in me, and thank you for marrying me and thank you for giving me the family I never had. He wanted to say those things, but he remained silent. He knew you would understand the meaning behind his simple thank you.
He would have never expected something like this. He had always thought he was doomed from the start. That his life would be about saving others and never being saved. But he was saved, and he will always be saved.
His daughter’s hands reached for his face, her fingers grabbing his cheeks and nose. Leon obliged, moving his face closer. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until her lips moved on her own.
“Dada!”
He will never shut up now.
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ruewrote · 1 year
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𝑖 𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒.
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PAIRING: carl grimes x fem!reader WARNINGS: none GENRE: angst and fluff SONG INSPIRATION: sarah by alex g WORD COUNT: 994
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you were by carls side as he recovered from the gun shot, when he couldn't even sit up. when he'd yell at you to leave, to not look at him.
to not look at how hideous he is now. you thought nothing but the best of him always, a wound would not be changing that anytime soon.
you slept in a chair next to his bed in the infirmary, risking a sore body the next day but that didn't matter as long as you got to see him.
it was about time that he got relocated back over to the grimes residence, you were the first to jump up and offer assistance.
"ill help! i could bring his stuff back over and-" you were soon cut off by him, his nostrils flared, his teeth gritted, eye narrowed.
"oh my god will you please just shut up for five seconds, just go home. i don't need you here." his chest huffed out a sigh, turning away from you. his feet dangling off the edge of the bed.
biting your lip, blinking repeatedly trying to stop the tears from flowing. you nodded letting a wobbly okay. making your way over to the door giving him a last look over.
"i'm sorry that i bothered you, i hope you feel better soon." all you got in response was a scoff from across the room, that's when you took your leave.
sobs racked throughout your body as you ran over to your house, just wanting this day to be over as you flopped onto your bed and began thinking.
he had never spoken to you like that before, you just wanted to help. you just wanted him to heal. of course you did.
you went in circles for hours to think what would make him speak to you like that.
carl always had a soft spot for you. you had the unconditional you would die for each other sort of love.
everyone saw it as you used to walk hand in hand lightly swinging your arms as you leant into him as you strolled down the road to see judith.
now he was acting like he didn't even know you? it hurt more than words could explain, you just wanted your boyfriend back.
you eventually fell asleep with tears staining your cheeks.
you were determined to make him feel better, pounding a small rhythmic knock against the front door. letting out a deep breath, your frown replaced with a bright smile.
footsteps were heard, the door opened being met with rick with judith on his hip. she babbled and made grabby hands towards you.
plucking her off of rick, placing her on your hip instead. the three of you making your way further into the home. tickling judith as you did so.
"he's very delicate at the moment. he's far from the same, it might take a while for him to be back to normal, at this point i'm not even sure if he ever will be." your hand rested upon his shoulder giving it an reassuring squeeze letting him know that you could do this, you could look after him. not knowing if you were trying to convince him or yourself.
he looked hesitant as he took the small girl back from you explaining that he's leaving her with olivia and that he'd be back at the end of the day, closing the door behind him leaving the house empty and very quiet.
you made your way over to the kitchen deciding on making carl some soup, once you had finished cooking, putting the bowl and a glass of water on a tray, you tiptoed over to his room. silently opening the door, his back faced you as you placed the tray on his bedside table.
lightly shaking him as he stirred from his sleep he lightly grumbling then turned over. his face dropping when he saw it was you.
"i-i made you some soup and there's some water." you shrunk at the way he was staring at you, with what felt like hatred.
clearing his throat, pushing himself up by his elbows to look at you properly, "why are you here?"
"because believe it or not. i care about you carl."
that only led him to look away from you, nervously rolling his bottom lip between his teeth. scared to look back at you. "i don't understand why. i'm useless now, i'm ugly y/n don't you see that?"
your heart shattering at the horrible words he was spluttering at you, "none of that is true carl, it doesn't matter how you think you look, you're not ugly or useless. you're brave." gently holding his face in your hands, him refusing and trying to turn from you. but your hold on him was firm so he had no choice but to look at you.
"so so so brave, i can't even imagine how you must be feeling. i'm sorry this happened to you, you of all people do not deserve this. anything but this."
that's when the dam broke and he threw himself into your arms and cried, your hand stroking his hair as you held him. your hug soon turned into you cuddling, small sniffles were heard here and there as you whispered affirmations into his ear. he felt safe enough to fall into your arms that morning.
later that evening rick and judith arrived home, she had fallen asleep against him on the way back home. he was confused to come back and the house be completely quiet.
so after he had tucked his daughter in leaving a kiss on her forehead, he made his way over to carls room, making no noise as he opened the door. peeking over finding you peacefully cuddled together.
backing out of the room once again, closing the door with a small smile on his face, knowing his son was safe.
as long as he was with you.
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© ruewrote.
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multifandomfanficss · 7 months
Text
Don’t Be Embarrassed
Sam Riordan x Reader
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Prompt: You take care of Sam and he takes care of you.
Warnings: autistic reader having an autistic meltdown, talk of mental hospitals, mentions of sex, walking in on friends having sex, spoilers for episode 4
A/N: Although there is no smut, because we’re only 4 episodes in and Sam doesn’t have a confirmed age I’m writing this under the assumption that he’s college age 18+. This boy is taking up most of my brain space this week. We don’t have a lot of info on the the character, but this is how I see his vibes. I crossposted this on my ao3 adriansglasses. Also this is my first non Adrian fic in quite sometime! Hope ya’ll enjoy!
You were on your way back from class when you heard yelling coming from down the hallway. You had been hanging out with Sam for the day and left him for two hours to go to class. You rushed to your dorm, quickly fishing out your keys.
“Hey hey hey what’s going on?” You asked him, placing your hands out, waiting to see if he’ll let you touch him.
“It was supposed to be a good day! A good day! But apparently I can’t even fucking do that!” He yells. The Woods had done a toll on him and he was still recovering. He had been doing a lot better lately, but everyone knows healing isn’t linear.
“Sam, it’s okay. You’re okay.” You give him a smile. “You had a good day yesterday and the day before that! It’s okay to have a bad day, Sam.”
“But I was doing so good…” He sounds defeated. You slowly grow closer to him. When he doesn’t back away you place a hand on his shoulder.
“I know and I’m so proud of you, but healing isn’t linear. There’s gonna be bad days. Even people who are… for lack of a better word ‘normal’ have bad days.” You roll your eyes and throw air quotes around the word normal. You didn’t always have the best words to describe what you were thinking, but Sam always knew what you meant. Usually college friendships and relationships formed and moved fast, but even with that Sam was different. You felt like you could be yourself around him in ways you couldn’t be around others.
It felt that way since the beginning. Sure the day you met Sam was overstimulating, rushed, and tense, but after you and your friends convinced him not to kill the doctor that completely ruined his life, you got to know him a little more the next day.
“So what’s your power?” He asks.
“What?”
“Your power. You must be a supe if you go to Godolkin.”
“Oh! Yeah uh…right… It’s stupid.” You sigh, avoiding eye contact. The gravel below your feet comes into detail. You pay attention to the sparkles of the rocks being hit by the sun instead of Sam.
“It can’t be that bad. Just tell me.” You can hear the smile in his voice.
“I uh… I feel like any way I word it will sound weird, but my bodily fluids are like acid, so uh like my tears and spit and stuff. Told you it was weird.”
“No! That’s cool! I’ve seen way worse. You should have seen some of my roommates at my old place.” He jokes. You laugh quietly with him.
“So all of your stuff is acid?” He asks. You nod.
“How do you pee? Do you just like melt toilets every time you piss?” He asks. You laugh.
“No, I guess my body has some way of controlling it, but I don’t know. I haven’t really figured it out consciously.”
“I was gonna say, that would be really cool if you could piss acid. Just like pee on all your enemies. That would be cool as fuck.” He laughs. You don’t know why at the time, but there’s just something so comforting about him.
“That’s gross. You’re sick.” You laugh.
“Oh trust me I know. You don’t go through multiple mental hospitals just being normal.”
You knew he was joking, but the way he said normal struck a cord in you. You didn’t see him as wrong, but you knew what he meant. You often felt… knew… you weren’t normal either.
You were there for Sam just as much as he was for you. It took you a long time to accept his help. It took a while for him to convince you that you weren’t a burden. The first time you had a meltdown in front of him was a very vulnerable moment for you. You hadn’t been that vulnerable with anyone like that in a long time.
“I’m gonna fucking kill them.” You fumed, pacing the room, so blinded by your anger you had forgotten you were with Sam. You had promised him you could watch Waterworld after class because you’d never seen it before and it was his favorite movie.
“She is such a fucking bitch. Why the fuck didn’t she fucking tell me?! She could have put a fucking sock on the door or sent a text or fucking something Jesus fucking Christ! Like I love her, but fuck!” You were beyond angry. After an already overstimulating day and a failed assignment handed back, you were already on edge before you walked in on Jordan and Marie. Now sexiled to the lounge while your roommate finishes with his girlfriend, not caring about your plans at all.
“I fucking told him too! I told him you were coming over!” You say, upset, and quite honestly still in shock, not expecting to see two of your friends fucking on a Tuesday afternoon.
“Maybe they just forgot.” Sam proposes.
“How could she fucking forget what time I come home every fucking Tuesday?!” You huff, sitting down on the couch. You sit in silence before thinking it over.
“No, you’re right… they probably just forgot…” You feel a pit in your stomach and tears starting to well up in your eyes. You try to keep them at bay. You don’t need an acid leak today. “Yeah Jordan totally forgot. Oh fuck. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad.” You feel your body crumbling in on itself. You hate getting mad. You were so scared of your own anger. You also felt like Jordan didn’t deserve it. Yeah he could be an ass sometimes, but Jordan was your roommate and your friend.
“Hey what’s going on you look upset- well more upset than you were before… okay maybe not more upset, but a different kind of upset…” Sam’s voice trails off. He wasn’t always the best with words either.
“I just feel so bad.” The tears start to slip down your face.
“Why do you feel bad? You just walked in on two of your friends having sex in your own room. It’s never happened to me, but I think it’s normal to be annoyed.” He sits down next to you. When he gets a closer look at your face he sees the red marks on your cheeks. You were used to the burn by now. You hated crying, but sometimes you couldn’t stop yourself. Sam moves to wipe away some of your tears.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” You ask.
“They used to electrocute me daily at the Woods. This is nothing.”
“I’m sorry.” The ache in your stomach grows. You feel like such a burden.
“Why are you sorry?” He asks.
“Because you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“I don’t have to do anything. I’m here because I want to be.” He smiles.
“But I’m too much. This is too much. You have your own shit to deal with. I’m so fucking sorry, Sam.” You try to hold back more tears. You feel awful.
“Hey, don’t apologize. You’ve done so much for me. You promised you’d always be there for me. Let me return the favor. You’re so kind to everyone, just let me be kind to you.”
“I’m sorry.” You whisper again in a broken voice.
“Why do you keep saying sorry? Are you embarrassed?” He asks. You nod.
“Don’t be embarrassed. Multiple mental hospitals, remember?” He jokes, making a face and pointing to himself. You laugh quietly.
“Just the life of a broken fucking brain.” He laughs, but there’s something sad underneath.
“You know I don’t think you’re a monster right?”
“Why are you bringing that up now?” He asks.
“Well sometimes I think you believe the doctors at the Woods a little too much. I just wanted to make sure you know that I know that you’re trying and you’re a good guy.” You smile.
“For what it’s worth I don’t think you’re a monster either. You think I’m a good guy, but I think you’re the goodest person I know.” He smiles. “Is goodest even a word?” He asks.
“I don’t think so, but I appreciate the compliment.” You smile. You don’t know when it happened, but you start to realize that Sam had successfully distracted you and calmed you from your meltdown. You find his arm around you, as you lean into him on the lounge couch.
“I’m so glad I met you.” He smiles.
“I’m so glad I met you too.”
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floppydiskettess · 1 year
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VALORANT AGENTS REACTING TO THEIR S/O GETTING INJURED ON A MISSION
featuring - sage, killjoy, cypher, yoru, sova, gekko, viper
a/n : cyphers part contains a lot of angst and alcohol talk. i couldnt let it ALL be fluff 😋
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✮~ Sage ~✮
literally the sweetest ever, but this doesn't need to be said
if its a minor injury, she will definitely be giving you a talk about being safer and how to prevent that from happening
"but what if it was something more serious? something even I couldn't heal? you must be more careful angel."
if her s/o was harmed badly, she would do two things.
one, she would immedietely drop everything and rush towards healing you, this woman will stay up all night trying to heal you and make sure that there is not so much as a scratch left on your body. she would definitely overwork herself but making sure you are alright is all that matters.
two, the second you are stable and resting, she is going to find out whichever enemy agent hurt you and fuck. them. up.
im talking full battle sage, she will have no mercy if the injury they caused was threatening enough.
she may excude sweet and kind energy but she is one scary lady when the people she loves are harmed
she knows exactly how damaged a body must be for it to be unfixable.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there my dear, but they won't be hurting you again."
she will be watching you carefully, even asking brimstone to take you off of missions for a short time or asking him to keep an eye on you.
she doesn't know what she would do if she lost you..
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☻︎~ Killjoy ~︎︎☹︎
she blames herself, how could she not? she designed most of the stuff...it must be a error in her inventions.
she will work night and day trying to figure out what happened. was it a weapon error? did the gun she designed for you malfunction? oh no was she to blame for anyone elses injuries?!
it would take a lot of reassurance for her to calm down. after all, this wouldn't have happened if she had been more careful...right?
"Mein gott...you scared me. I thought I lost you schatzi..."
she is going to be by your side after sage discharges you from her infirmary. expect lots of physical affection (if your comfortable with it.) and care.
she will treat you as if you were glass about to break. you will not be doing any chores while you recover.
oh you need to work on a mission report? its already finished and submitted. you are hungry? she would cook a lovely meal her parents would make her when she was sick. (with the help of some other agents...shes probaly not a great cook lets be honest..)
"KJ...Sage gave me the all clear! I can do it!"
" Nein nein! You are going to rest mein Häschen! I don't want you straining yourself!"
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♖~ Cypher ~♖
if you get injured, be it minor or major. this man will WORRY.
he already lost everything, he cannot lose you either. if he did...he would have nothing.
when sage showed up at his door covered in blood and bruises. he knew something went wrong.
you told him you were going on a small mission. just an in and out radianite extraction at an abandoned lab. he had no reason to worry...right?
when he heard what had happened, he was devastated. what was supposed to be a quick mission turned out to be a setup. what makes it worse? you were alone at your site.
he will be thinking the worst. what if you...? if he had only done a more detailed check on the lab...maybe he could have protected you. but he didn't. he feels like he failed.
you spend weeks in the recovery bay, lying unconcious.
he spends those weeks without you in his lab drinking the memories away and trying to figure out what happened.
he just cannot function with the thought of losing you at the back of his mind at all times.
he knows he was caught when viper appears at his doorway with a concerned glare and a solemn looking sage in tow. he can't remember most of it, but viper was worried? about him?
soon he was also transported to sages infirmary. getting put on nutrients and oxygen. it was obvious he was not taking care of himself without your presence
when you wake up, he would be right there cradling your cheek with his hand. his mask nowhere in sight. all that matters was that you were safe now
"يا حياتي..i was so scared i lost you"
he will never forget his past, but he looks forward to his future with you.
can you tell i like cypher guys :)
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☁︎~ Yoru ~☁︎
do not even get me started on this man
he would be extremely angry.
but is it at you, the others, or maybe himself?"
upon hearing the news, he would immediately check on you. seeing your unconcious body just makes something in him snap. the thought that someone had done this to you...he plants a soft kiss to your temple, before storming out of the infirmary.
for the next few days, he would lash out at everyone around him. sage came around to bring him some food as he had not left his room and he just...lost it.
he wasn't even sure who he was yelling at, who he was blaming for what happened. poor sage looked petrified and the others seemed to gather the idea yoru didn't want to be talked too right now.
with no word from anybody about your condition, he lay down on his bed and cried numbly. every night he would teleport into where sage had kept you to heal. he would sit in silence staring at your asleep face before always kissing your forehead goodbye. in hopes that somehow, you would wake up.
he went to your room and grabbed some sweaters of yours, every night he slept with them for comfort, clinging onto them as if they were going to leave him too.
when you wake up, he won't care about keeping his mysterious "badass" persona up. he will be at your side holding your hand and crying.
"please be more careful 私の日光...i don't know what i would do if i lost you."
when sage discharges you, he will be glued to you. he will simple little things for you (such as opening doors for you.)
his love language is definitely acts of service
if you teased him about this though, he will never admit to it.
he will be doing simple things such as cooking meals, cleaning up, and helping you finish any work you have
he is so domestic
he may not be super outwardly affectionate, but with each small favour he does for you he is putting all of his love into it.
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𖦹~ Sova ~𖦹
sova is literally the most caring boyfriend...like ever..
if its a minor injury, he will treat it (if sage and skye are off on a mission).
he will definitely lightly scold you, not to be mean! just because he hates seeing you hurt and in pain.
"ангел. please be more careful next time..you know i hate seeing you upset."
if it was a major injury though, he is relatively the same.
he isn't scared to cry infront of the others, when he gets the news that your mission went south he was crying into sages shoulder.
he would stay with you the entire recovery. sage had to keep kicking him out at nighttime but eventually she realized she couldn't stop him. she simply would bring meals for him whenever he would forget to eat.
he would sit and tell you about his day, how the missions were going, even the silly schenanigans that the younger agents were pulling
"yoru tried to get revenge on phoenix for his prank but it went so bad ангел. he entered his rift and jumped out to scare him, but reyna happened to have just been passing by! she was absolutely livid родная. i have never seen our dear riftwalker so terrified!" he chuckled
when you woke up, he was still there lightly snoring against the chair sage had brought him.
when he woke up, he was thrilled, his eyes immediately lighting up like a childs
"have you been sitting here the whole time?"
"of course my dear. as if i would leave you."
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߷~ Gekko ~߷
as the newest agent, he hasn't known you for very long. your relationship was coming up to a few months old but he hadn't told you how much he loved you yet.
so naturally, when he heard you were injured he was terrified
he knew this job was dangerous! he just never thought it would be you getting injured...he also never really thought of anyone getting badly injured
he was training with harbour when he overheard a mission going wrong...a mission you were on.
he would rush to the infirmary overloading sage with questions about you
"Sage!! Finally...que pasó?? Neon told me something happened on the mission?!"
Appariently, you had gotten caught in a fight with the enemy Breach and he hit you with his aftershock.
He didn't know much about Breach, but he knew that man had quite a bit of strength in his abilities (being like...bionic you know?"
After some skillful and strategic convincing (pathetic and annoying begging) Sage agreed to take him to see you.
When he caught sight of you lying in the bed staring up at the ceiling, he let out a big sigh he didn't even know he was holding.
"Mi sol! Oh mierda I was so worried! What happened?"
He would be sitting patiently listening to you explain what happened. All while staring at you softly.
"Shooottt...sounds like you had a busy mission! I am just happy you made it back cariño."
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☠︎︎~ Viper ~ ☠︎︎
if you were minorly injured, it was probably from tinkering with her poison vials and one leaked onto your fingers
after hearing your grunt in pain, she turns around and her eyes widen, rushing towards you.
"Idiot, I said not to touch anything!"
she swears under her breath before wiping it away and rubbing some sort of cream onto your hand
"Honestly..who would touch something containing poison WITHOUT protection?"
her biggest fear? her poison causing you harm.
so what if a mission were to go wrong and you happened to step into a bubble of her poison?
it was a genuine wrong place wrong time situation. she had a poison bubble deployed and sitting on the ground, as she activated it she looked up to see your frame walking overtop of it.
she shouts to get you to move, but you don't hear her in time. next thing she knows, you are on the ground out cold with green and purple lines all over your face.
she quickly would call for backup, holding you tight but trying to avoid the chemical burns.
when she is back to safety, she rushes to sage's infirmary with your barely warm body in her arms
unfortunately, the poison had seeped into some open wounds you had. causing it to spread throught your body. viper leaves sage alone to do her job, pacing back and forth outside.
she knew how strong her poison could be, but she also knew how strong your body was. you would survive. you had too.
after a few hours, a tired sage walks out and nods, signaling it went well.
viper rushed into the room and immediately looked at your sleeping face, wincing at the fading bloodshot lines on your face.
"i'm so sorry love..please wake up soon"
she would wait by your side holding your hand and occasionally planting soft kisses to the back of your hand.
she knew you would be ok, but she couldn't help but feel bad that her miscommunication and carelessness caused this to happen to you.
when you wake up, she would be whispering soft apologies into your ear
"i promise...you will never feel this pain again my dear."
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a/n : holy shit guys!!!! this took a while!! i spent a good 4 hours writing all this JDJSBSJSKSKSN its probably cringe im sorry
but yeah! i tried my best to write this with a gender neutral reader in mind but in some of these its definitely a bit more fem reader leaning! also i do not speak any of the languages spoken in this so if i made a mistake or used something wrong PLEASE let me know so I can fix it!!!
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nataliesfirefly · 2 months
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You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F!Reader - Part 4
a/n: hey everyone! i know it's been a while but the next part is finally here! not sure how many parts i want this to be bc i dont want to fill up the tag, still waiting to make an ao3 account haha- but anyways im getting a taglist started just of people who have shown interest in this series, if i put you on it and you don't want to be on it just let me know. and ofc if u want to be on it lmk! i also made a playlist if anyone wants to check that out :))
playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/60Kll9HCoQru14J18bT21C
series masterlist
word count: 3.9k
warnings: language, suggestive stuff?, alcohol, smoking, emetophobia
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Things are extremely awkward with Felix. He’s too nice to kick you out of Saltburn, yet he’s too prideful to apologize, so you two are stuck dancing around each other with small talk and short interactions.
Things with Farleigh, on the other hand, are surprisingly good. You never would have expected how close you two became in the past few days. In fact, you can’t remember the last time he insulted you, at least not in a playful way. You must have bonded over your shared dislike for Felix at the moment.
But for some reason, you worry if you get too close, he might push you away.
Tonight was dinner with all of Sir James’s friends, and as the Cattons tend to call them, the Henry’s. The actual dinner was full of awkward conversations with people much older than you about the future of your life and what you were going to do after graduating college. You actually had no idea what your plan was or what you wanted to do with your life. You used to push all the questions away and blamed it on the fact that graduation was pretty far away. It only recently dawned on you that you would be graduating in about two years. 
After dinner, you sit in the dimly lit living room with Farleigh on the couch as everyone else participates in karaoke. You and Farleigh snicker at some of the guests’ performances, whispering things to each other as if you are judges of some competition.
Eventually, Farleigh sighs and stands to his feet. “I’m going to go smoke,” He tells you, putting his hands in his pockets. He turns and looks at you expectantly. You take it as his way of asking you to come with him, so you stand up and snatch the bottle of wine you were drinking off the coffee table.
You follow him up the stairs, down the long, dark hall and eventually into his bedroom. He shuts the door behind you and draws out the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lights one. “At least open the window,” You walk over to the window and open it to let the smoke out.
“Oh, right. Cause you hate the smell so much.” He rolls his eyes at you as he exhales some smoke. “Weren’t you the one that asked me for one of these the other day?” He points the cigarette at you and you glance down shamefully.
“Yeah. I wasn’t at my best, okay?” You shake your head and slump down to the floor, leaning against the wall and stretching your legs out.
“Okay, sure, miss goody two shoes.” He chuckles and sits down next to you. You take a swig from the wine bottle and sigh, leaning your head back.
“So, Felix…” Farleigh trails off and looks over to you. You continue staring up at the ceiling. “Can we not talk about Felix right now,” You reply, closing your eyes. “We need to,” He says, nudging you.
“What is there to talk about?” You ask, turning to meet Farleigh’s gaze. He presses the cigarette to his lips and inhales. “You said it yourself, that he only hangs out with me out of pity.” 
As he breathes out, the smoke passes over your face but you don’t care. “And what’s your problem with him? It seems like you’ve been waiting for someone to turn on him so you could join in,” You continue, and his eyes tell you that you’ve just read him like a book.
He quickly recovers and remains expressionless. “You’re projecting,” Farleigh responds. “Then why have you been so nice to me?” You ask.
The room goes silent and you are stuck in a moment where time doesn’t pass, it’s just you and Farleigh. His usual cold and dark gaze is replaced by something softer, warmer. Something in the air shifts and you can feel some kind of tension rising.
But then he looks away, breaking eye contact. “Because Felix is just stupid sometimes,” He finally replies, nodding toward the bottle of wine you are holding. You hand it to him and your fingers brush against his.
He takes a drink. “I don’t think he ever had bad intentions. He’s just an idiot,” You consider this. Maybe he’s just extremely out of touch with reality like the rest of the Cattons.
There’s a pause as you think of something to change the subject to.
“So… How about that Sadie girl?” You ask, turning to him with a grin. He gives the wine back to you and you take a quick swig.
Elspeth is, for some reason, attempting to set Farleigh up with a daughter of one of James’s friends. Her name is Sadie, and she is very pretentious and fake, from what you can tell. You hadn’t spoken to her, but you watched from afar as she and Farleigh engaged in a conversation.
“She’s alright,” He shrugs and stands up to press the cigarette out on his ashtray. He sits back down next to you and sighs.
“She was like, hardcore flirting with you,” You chuckle and observe his exasperated expression. “Oh, I know.” He smirks smugly and you roll your eyes.
“That’s weird, usually you hook up with someone the moment they show interest in you,” You smile at the way he frowns slightly. “That’s not true,” He furrows his eyebrows and glances at you. “Okayyy,” You say sarcastically.
A while later, you are still upstairs with Farleigh, but you are now feeling the effects of all the alcohol you’ve consumed. You both had gone downstairs to steal more booze, and you ended up drinking almost all of it. Your whole body feels tingly and warm, and your brain is fuzzy.
You run a hand through your tousled hair and sigh, turning to check if Farleigh is as wasted as you. He seems slightly better off than you, but his dark eyes are half lidded and glossy.
“Do you ever miss Sasha?” He glances at you, seeming surprised at your random question. Sasha is Farleigh’s ex from Oxford, who he had endured a tumultuous and rollercoaster ride of a relationship with. You had met her once or twice, she seemed kind, but slightly possessive.
“Sasha?” Farleigh repeats her name and takes a moment to process it. It seems like memories are returning to him and replaying in his head.
“Sometimes. But not really. She was crazy,” He raised his eyebrows and stared straight ahead. “You guys broke up and got back together, like, ten times,” You giggle foolishly and he turns to look at you, slightly offended by your amusement.
“It was too hard to keep up with,” You sigh after your laughter subsides. 
“I didn’t know you were keeping up,” You make eye contact once again with Farleigh, and this time his gaze is more intense. You can’t tell if it’s one of his usual sarcastic comments or if there was an underlying meaning behind his tone. Your face burns red with the realization that you had been studying his relationship so closely. But, really, everyone in your friend group knew about Sasha and Farleigh’s dumpsterfire of a romance. Break up, random hook ups, they said they love each other, then they argued again.
“It’s just.. what friends do,” You reply, your speech slurred. “Friends keep up with each other’s relationships.” You shrug and wave your hand as if to dismiss the seriousness of it.
“You consider me a friend?” Farleigh chuckles, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Well, what if I do?” Your voice comes out softer than you intended. 
There’s another long moment of silence and prolonged eye contact between you two. The tension is so thick, you can feel it in the air and your heart pounds. It’s almost like you are waiting for who will make the next move. Your brain is all muddled and you can’t seem to think clearly.
Your eyes flicker down to his plush lips and you can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or not, but your instinct is to kiss him. You grab him by the face, a hand on either cheek, and pull him in, smashing your lips together sloppily. You pull away, shocked at yourself, dropping your hands into your lap as your lips hover over his.
You expect him to be disgusted and stand up and walk away, but there’s a slight pause before he is grabbing you and pulling you back in, kissing you almost aggressively. Like he’s been starved, like there’s not enough of you.
You squeak with surprise before you melt into him, softening as one of his hands travels down to your neck and the other settles on your waist. You both have to gasp for air in between sloppy kisses, but you don’t mind. Your heart races and your hands travel up into his hair, running your hands through his unruly dark curls. You find that you’ve been waiting so long to do that, to feel his hair in your hands.
He bites your lower lip and your eyebrows pinch together. “Sorry,” He mumbles, although his voice disappears into your mouth. You feel yourself losing balance and beginning to fall back onto the floor.
Before you know it, he’s on top of you, refusing to stop kissing you. It’s messy and you know you’re both drunk, but damn does it feel good. The tension feels like it’s being lifted off of you, and it’s relieving. You don’t know how long it will last but hell, you’re enjoying it. Both of his hands have moved to your hips and his fingers are pressing into you.
You feel his lips move from yours, moving down from your jaw to your neck. He’s kissing and sucking on your skin so passionately that you know you will have bruises tomorrow. You moan quietly and you hear him groan in response, his low voice vibrating against your neck.
You attempt to catch your breath as you suddenly feel something in your stomach, something unpleasant. Saliva begins to build in your mouth and it’s like you have an internal clock telling you how much time you have left before you absolutely hurl.
“Far-Farleigh,” You place your hands on his shoulders. You whimper and slightly push up on him. He glances up from your neck, staring up at you in confusion. You can’t deny that you enjoy viewing him from this angle, but you have other concerns at the moment.
“Gonna throw up,” You manage to get out before he’s rolling off of you, allowing you to get up. You clamber to your feet and scramble into the connecting bathroom, barely making it to your knees in front of the toilet before you throw up. 
You grip both sides of the toilet for support as you practically spill your guts, coughing loudly. You would have liked some help or something from Farleigh, but it seems like he has just left you here to deal with it yourself.
You groan and wipe your mouth, sitting up and staring straight ahead in some sort of daze. You eventually come to your senses and stand up, flushing the toilet. You feel dizzy so you grab onto the counter of the sink to not lose balance, catching your reflection in the mirror.
Your hair is very messy, and your mascara is slightly smudged around your eyes. Your cheeks are warm and rosy, but in an unflattering way. You look like a wreck. 
When you walk back into his room, he’s gone. You sigh in frustration and press a hand to your aching and pounding forehead. Somehow, you stumble back to your room and flop onto your bed. You managed to avoid the small number of guests left in the house, along with Venetia and Felix. You just want to get some sleep after the shitshow that just happened. And you know you’ll be paying for it in the morning. 
2 YEARS EARLIER
You, Felix, and some of your other friends were gathered at the pub on a Friday night. There was chatter and the smell of cigarette smoke all around you. Felix returned from the bar and handed you a tall glass of beer.
You were focused on Farleigh and the girl who sat on his lap. Her hands were all over him, and he seemed totally enamored with her. She had a short skirt on and her wrists were covered in bracelets. She was pretty, you had to admit.
“Who’s that?” You asked, glancing up at Felix and pointing to the two. “Oh, that’s Sasha.” He replied. “She’s obsessed with Farleigh. And from what I can tell,” Felix sat down, pulling his chair closer to yours, “He’s liking it.”
You chuckled and took a sip of your beer. “Good for him,” You said, shrugging. “Bet they’ve already fucked,” Felix remarked and you snapped your head towards him. “Ew, Felix. That’s none of your business.” You made a disgusted expression.
“What? Everybody shags around here, it’s no surprise,” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Except you,” He added, grinning and nudging you. You rolled your eyes and looked back towards Sasha and Farleigh.
You didn’t want to imagine them… doing that. But for some reason, your mind kept trying to paint a picture of it. You shook your head to clear your thoughts. 
You didn’t know why, but for some reason, you felt jealousy bubbling up inside of you. Why was it so easy for her to get what she wanted? You had liked a few men at Oxford, but you didn’t really even want a boyfriend or a commitment like that.
But as you watched Farleigh and Sasha’s hands intertwine, you felt envious.
“Hey, Felix, who was that guy you were going to introduce me to?” You asked, tapping your fingers against the table. “What? Oh, Joshua? I thought you said you didn’t want to meet him,” He replied. Felix was trying to set you up with one of his friends who seemed like a player. At this point, you didn’t care. It was like you were trying to prove that you could actually get a guy. Prove to who, though?
“I know. I changed my mind,” You said decidedly. “Well, he’s actually here tonight. Would you like me to go grab him?” Felix stood up and pointed towards the other side of the pub. You nodded. “Sure,”
You waited patiently and took a few swigs of beer for confidence. A minute later, Felix returned with a man who was a few inches shorter than him, with fluffy blonde hair and hazel eyes. Freckles were dusted across his nose and his skin was nicely tanned due to the warmer weather of spring. He looked sweet and innocent, but the rumors you had heard about him told you otherwise.
“Hello,” He greeted you, holding out his hand. You stood up to shake his hand, smiling as you introduced yourself. “Nice to meet you, I’m Joshua.” He grinned brightly and Felix seemed amused by the interaction.
“Hi, Joshua.” You tried to make a good first impression, although you weren’t good at this stuff. But it seemed like he was already interested, looking you up and down.
You both sat back down and began small talk about classes and life and friends. Felix left you two alone, but you’re not sure where he went. It was good, talking to someone new, but still a bit uncomfortable since you were so introverted. The conversation flowed nicely between the both of you.
You couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching you. You glanced up, seeing Farleigh’s cold gaze drilling into yours, flicking back and forth between you and Joshua. It was like he was waiting to see who would break eye contact first, and of course, it was you. Your gaze faltered down to the table and then back up to Joshua.
“You alright, love?” He asked, placing a hand on your thigh. You nodded and your face turned a shade of pink with embarrassment. “Sorry. Just thinking,”
“Hey, what do you say when we go back to my dorm? To just chill, relax, you know.” He tilted his head and you could already tell what he was implying. “Uh- Sure, yeah. Let’s go,” You smiled and stood up, grabbing your bag and walking past him toward the doors. He placed a hand on your lower back as you stepped by him.
You woke up the next morning unsure of where you were before memories of the night before came back to you. You were in Joshua’s bed, tangled up in the sheets, with your clothes off and scattered on the floor.
Your eyes widened as you realized you had lost your virginity to Joshua Brown. You sat up and scratched your head, not sure what to do next.
“Oh my God…” You whispered, looking down at Joshua, who was sleeping on his stomach, his face pressed against the pillow. It didn’t look like he was waking up anytime soon.
You stood up and winced as you realized you were a bit sore. You tried to be as quiet as possible as you picked your clothes up off the floor, hurriedly putting them back on.
Joshua stirred in his sleep and groaned, rolling over. You grimaced as you took your bag off of his desk chair, tip toeing to the door and opening it slowly.
You sighed with relief once you had closed his door behind you and you were safely out in the hallway. You know you probably looked like a wreck, but your main goal at the moment was to get back to your own dorm going unnoticed.
You heard your name being called, fairly close to you. You froze before turning to identify where it came from, and you swear your heart dropped to your ass. Farleigh was standing in the doorway of his room, which was conveniently right next door to Joshua’s, smirking at your frazzled state.
“You should work on keeping it down. I couldn’t sleep last night because I kept hearing you and Joshua.” He chuckled and you could feel your face heating up.
“Sorry,” You muttered, casting your glance downwards to the floor. 
“You finally got some after all,” He teased. “Can you shut up?” You groaned, facepalming and shaking your head. “Oh, I will if you can figure out how to,” He raised his eyebrows. “Was it really that good?” He questioned.
You considered the question. You didn’t really know if it was or not, you were just trying to be loud because you thought guys liked that. Were you satisfied by the end? No. But Joshua certainly was.
He seemed to notice your puzzled expression and he nodded. “Oh. So the rumors are true about him.” You tilted your head with curiosity. “What rumors?” You asked.
“Oh, you poor thing.” He cooed sarcastically. You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms. “Well, you’d better get back to your place so you can study,” Farleigh mocked. “Make up for that time you lost last night, huh?”
“Can you just not tell anyone? Please?” You knew it was useless asking him not to tell. He had the biggest mouth in the whole class. He just snickered at your pleading and stepped back into his room and shut his door.
That night you hung out with Joshua in his dorm once more, but you told him you didn’t want to have sex again. He respected your decision, so you were just drinking some alcohol with him and making out occasionally.
“Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m going to do with an English degree. I just had to pick something.” He shrugged. You were talking about your futures after Oxford and what you were both majoring in.
“Hm. Well, there’s a lot you could do,” You replied, trying to reassure him, although you weren’t too sure yourself. “You could be-” Your sentence is cut short by a loud moan coming from the room next to you.
“Ah, shit. It’s Farleigh and Sasha again,” Joshua shook his head like it was a regular occurence. “They’re usually at it for a while,” He informed you. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
Some odd, depraved part of you wanted to stay and listen. “No, that’s alright.” You shrugged. “Surely it can’t be that bad.”
The walls seemed paper thin. You swear you could hear every little noise, like the bed springs squeaking and the wanton sounds that came from Sasha. But then you heard something different. It was Farleigh, whimpering and moaning in a way that you couldn’t even believe what you were hearing. You didn’t know men could make sounds other than grunting during sex, let alone sounds like that.
“Oh fuck,” You heard him breathe heavily and Sasha was practically screaming at this point. 
“Damn. They’re really getting into it,” You whistled and raised your eyebrows. Joshua nodded. “I wish I was as good as people say he is,” Joshua looked down. “What?” You asked as you tried to ignore the continuous noises. He was really telling you to be quieter earlier today?
“Farleigh. People say he’s really good in bed,” Joshua explained. You were surprised that he was okay with discussing this with you. “Oh.” You chuckled nervously. You didn’t expect that, but for some reason it made sense. “Was I bad?” Joshua asked suddenly.
You froze at his question and wondered if you should tell him the truth. “I mean… I don’t really… know the difference, you know? It was my first time, remember?” You told him. He nodded but you could tell he seemed hurt and defeated.
“Right,” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and you leaned back in your chair. You could say this was one of the most embarrassing moments of your life, having to listen to Farleigh fuck some girl while having an awkward conversation with the man you had a one night stand with.
The next day around noon, you were walking to a café near campus when you saw Farleigh walking ahead of you on the sidewalk of the cobblestone streets.
An idea popped into your head and you smiled mischievously, jogging to catch up with him. When you appeared at his side, he glanced down and made a face.
“Are you following me?” He asked, glaring at you as you fell into step next to him. “No. I just had a complaint,” You tried to hide the smile threatening your face. “What’s that?” He quirked an eyebrow.
“Me and Joshua were trying to have a nice conversation last night,” You started, and his playful expression immediately dropped. “Maybe try to keep it down next time, right?” You grinned and he stopped in his tracks.
“You were there last night?” He seemed annoyed and a little bit shocked. “Yeah.” You nodded and stopped next to him. “I mean, I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts,” You laughed to yourself and he narrowed his dark eyes at you.
“And it wasn’t even Sasha as much as it was you–” “Keep your mouth shut,” He ordered, and you knew you got a rise out of him. “Practice what you preach, that’s all I’m saying,” You waved and skipped along the sidewalk, leaving him standing there in shock.
taglist: @isla-finke-blog @ibimbogrl @drunkmysticsquirrel @alonia-olivia @novemilady @saltburnsworld
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daceydeath · 1 year
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Hiii 👋 I was wondering if you could write a Chan imagine where yn is the ninth member and her and Chan are secretly dating. Yn gets really sick and has to stay in bed and when Chan is filming a Channies room he hears he call for him weakly. Sorry if that doesn’t make any sense 😭
Hi! I'm sorry this took so long to write but actually it was much harder to write a 9th member imagine than I thought it would be. I do hope you like it though darling. Dacey xx
I didn't know you were filming (a 9th member imagine)
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Pairing: Chan x reader Word Count: Genre: 9th Member, Fluff, Comedy (stupidity) Warnings: swearing
Being the only female member of Stray Kids wasn't difficult. Keeping your relationship with Chan secret from Stay however was much harder.
You had caught a cold on the way home from the last Japanese promotions at first you thought it was going to be a minor inconvenience but after a few days it turned out to be a full blown flu. Management had made an announcement that you would be missing the next week or so of promotions as you recovered but you were miserable and felt wretched so each of your members had been taking care of you much to Stay's delight and posting photos of you bundled up in blankets and pouting on Bubble. It was Saturday and all morning Hyunjin and Han had been fussing over you much to your annoyance.
"Chan! I'll be fine" you mumbled pouting as Minho and Felix sat on the other couch smirking.
"You say that but this flu has really knocked you around" he smoothed down your bed hair slightly while Han and Changbin flat out laughed at you.
"I know but I'll just sleep and drink water and stuff. I am fine I am not going to die from it" you continued whinging until you sneezed loudly and proved his point.
"Minho and Felix will stay with you" Chan raised his eyebrows waiting for you to argue "please take you medicine when they tell you to and also eat when they tell you to". You pouted again as Chan chuckled and patted your head.
"See you later then" you sulked groaning and you got up and shuffled to your room.
"See you tonight" Chan chuckled as he left with the others.
Being member of the same group you tried to keep as much of your relationship out of the other members faces so cute nicknames, cuddle sessions and kisses were off the table unless you were alone. It meant you were both much less likely to accidently do something that could cause a scandal, plus everyone loved to tease and joke about each ship that Stay came up with regarding you.
"Oi noona you have to take your medicine" Felix called after you following you with a glass of water.
"Yes Felix" you grumbled pouting as you took the glass from him and took your tablets.
"I'm going to order you some soup and stuff why don't you just rest?" Minho added as you flopped back onto your bed, if you hadn't be so sick you would have curled up in Chan's bed his scent always made you feel better but the best you could manage was the hoodie he had given you earlier in the morning. You drifted off into a miserable sleep hoping that when you woke up you would feel better.
"Wakey wakey" Minho whispered softly shaking your blanket cocoon as you blinked slowly groggy from the sickness and the medicine. "You need to eat something it will make you recover faster".
"Alright" you snuffled slowly sitting up before Minho helped you to stand.
"After you eat something you need some more medicine" Felix smiled as you sank into the couch cushions, taking a bowl of soup from Minho's hands you sat and ate slowly the warm liquid helping to soothe your sore throat, the boys put on a movie and sat with you for a few hours making sure you kept hydrated and trying to lift your mood. But with the medicine making you drowsy again you couldn't help that you ended up falling asleep in Felix's lap as he played with your hair.
"Aw she looks so cute when she's sleeping" Han cooed making you blink and look around.
"Didn't I just say not to wake her?" Chan sighed looking between Han and you as you rubbed your eyes "How are you feeling?".
"Like I have been run over by a bus" you yawned sitting up from Felix's lap "Is there anymore soup?"
"Already heating in up for you" Minho called from the kitchen making you smile they had been taking care of you so well and you knew you were lucky, had you been left with Han and Hyunjin the dorm might have caught fire.
"Thank you" you croaked while Felix propped you up on some pillows and Chan got you a glass of water. They all continued to fuss over you while you ate making sure you were warm enough and comfortable.
"Changbin and I are going to the gym later you in Chan?" Han asked while he played around on his phone.
"Nah, I going to do to a live later so I'll make sure shes got her medicine and stuff too" Chan shrugged casually sitting on your left with his arm around your shoulders.
"Oooh looking at doing a bit of team building?" Han teased taking your empty bowl again.
"Fuck off she's sick one of us has to take care of her and since Minho and Felix were here all day it's time for someone else to have a turn tonight" Chan groaned at how stupid Han was being while Minho and Felix made kissing noises that made you laugh, and then cough a lot.
"Stop trying to kill me" you whined burrowing yourself into Chan's chest so that they couldn't see your face any longer.
"Alright I think you need another nap now" Chan sighed as your breathing returned to normal, you simply nodded knowing that arguing was pointless as Chan helped you to stand and you shuffled off without complaint to your room to get some more rest.
When you woke up again it was late, checking your phone you realized there was a glass of water and medicines sitting next on your bedside table with a note Chan had left you saying to take them as soon as you woke up and call for him if you needed anything. Smiling you took your medicine and sat up in your bed a little thinking that you should probably get up and get something warm to drink to help you fall back asleep. Picking up your phone you messaged Chan saying you had woken up and taken your medicine, he answered that he hoped you were feeling better and that if you needed anything he would get it for you. You felt your eyelids growing heavy again but after ten minutes you still couldn't fall asleep you could hear Chan talking but not who he was talking to, so you decided to call to him.
"Channie? Are you there baby?" you called your voice croaky, you head him pause but then he started talking again.
"Channie, I need cuddles to sleep" you called again whinging as you again heard him pause and your phone lit up with a message from Chan that only said the words on live. Frowning you sat for a few moments before you heard Changbin's voice from somewhere in the hallway.
"Chaaaannnnnie" he called in his most annoying high pitched voice before ducking into your room.
"Changbin what are you doing?" you chuckled as he sat on the end of your bed trying to hold in his laugh.
"He's doing an episode of Chan's Room all of Stay just heard you call him baby and ask for cuddles" he explained as he shook with laughter as your face paled further.
"Shit" you groaned flopping down on your mattress.
"Channie I love you" Han shouted from the opposite end of the hall.
"Channie marry me?" Changbin yelled louder this time as you opened the live up on your phone to see what was happening. Chan was sitting on his bed head in his hands, flushed pink and trying not to laugh as the comments of how chaotic you all were, whether this confirmed you were together or if this was a prank you were all playing on him.
You continued pouting even after Changbin left your room to go back to the lounge room where he and Han had been eating after their workout. You continued watching the live as Chan explained how you had all decided to tease him once again and that he was going to have to move to the other dorm for some peace and quiet eventually he signed off with his signature hug and finished the live, then you heard him shuffling around and you knew he was going to come and scold you. As he opened the door you gave him your best puppy eyes.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't know you were doing a live" you kept the misery act up until he sighed deeply walking across your room and sliding in behind you.
"I better cuddle you to sleep then, since Stay thinks we are so cute together" he teased softly holding you tightly against his chest.
a/n: Thank you for reading you beautiful human! Any likes, reblogs and comments are loved and adored xx
Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @tara-skyhold, @bakedlilgoonie, @krishastumblernow, @mrsseals16, @fawnpeaks, @leeknowinggg, @uno7,
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blushweddinggowns · 7 months
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It had started as a rough few weeks. A rough few weeks that turned into a rough few months. It was weird, because in all honesty when it came to social standings, Will was doing a lot better here than he ever did in Hawkins. There were no Zombie Boy stories following him here, and he even managed to get a few girls to have a crush on him. He…still wasn’t quite clear how that worked out and he really wasn’t a fan of it. But they were also the only people he could talk to at school. He was way too paranoid of getting close to any guys. God forbid he got another crush on a friend, having none of them just seemed like the better course of action. 
It didn’t help that Mike had basically stopped acknowledging that he existed after they moved. He didn’t write to him, he didn’t call him, and it felt like the only time he heard his voice was when he politely asked for El over the phone. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. Especially when he still put in so much effort to get ahold of El all the time. He’d resent her for it if he could, but the only one who was having a worse time than him with the move was her. Maybe Mike was a shitty friend to him, but at least she had someone to talk to. 
But whatever. Lucas and Dustin cared, and so did Eddie and Steve. And when Jonathan wasn’t busy being high as hell, he had him too. Even Max called him more often than Mike did. Even when she was just trying to get ahold of El she’d take the time to ask him how he was, a courtesy that his best friend from freaking kindergarten couldn’t even offer anymore. 
So maybe Will didn’t have many friends in California yet, but he didn’t feel very lonely. 
Just a little heartbroken. 
But he could get past it. Especially when some of his favorite people were only one phone call away. Sometimes it made him feel a little guilty, that Steve and Eddie were his go to for talking about his problems. Especially since Jonathan was always trying to get him to open up. Even when he was zoinked out of his gourd he never failed to ask Will how his day was. Though…he did have a hard time following the plot when Will told him. 
But that didn’t change the fact that Jonathan always wanted to help. But what could Will say? I’m depressed because I’m in love with my best friend who doesn’t care about me? And oh yeah, I’m gay? Yeah, no. That wasn’t going to happen. If Jonathan of all people hated him for that…he’s not sure he could recover. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t think about it.
It was kind of pathetic, but he’d fantasize about it sometimes. Coming out to his family, everyone smiling and saying they’d love him anyway, no matter what. And if he was being honest with himself, it was technically possible, right? His brother had never said a bad word about Steve and Eddie. His mom never failed to shut the homophobic crap down when his crappy sperm donor had still been around. But it was different when it was your own kid, right? Will wasn’t quite sure. But he did know that he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 
So he called who he always did when he had a problem. It only took a few rings before someone was picking up, Steve’s familiar voice on the other end, “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me,” Will sighed, flopping face first into his bed, the phone pressed to his ear. 
He could hear the smile in Steve’s voice, “Hey kiddo, what’s up?”
God, he was such a dad. Will wouldn’t be shocked if he started wearing socks with sandals by the time he hit twenty-three. He went straight to the point, “Do you think that living happily ever after is like a real thing? For people like us?”
Steve laughed, “It better fucking be after all the shit we’ve seen.”
“I don’t mean the Upside Down stuff,” Will sighed, “I mean like…y’know. The gay.”
Steve snorted, “The gay? I’m going to have to tell Eddie that one.”
Will rolled his eyes at the redundant statement. He had learned a long time ago that telling Steve something meant telling Eddie something, and vice versa. He sighed a tiny smile on his face, “Oh what, like he’s not already next to you listening in?”
“...touché.” 
Will laughed, turning over to stare at the ceiling, “I’m serious though. Like…is it even possible? It’s not like everyone gets to magically find their soulmate at eight.”
“Is that such a bad thing though?” Steve asked, “Because no offense dude but honestly? I think you could do a lot better than Mike-”
“Be nice,” Will interrupted, torn between being defensive for Mike’s sake and amused at Steve never failing to find a way to come at him.
“I will when he starts being nice to me.”
“Well that’s just not going to happen,” Will laughed, “I’m starting to think Eddie’s right to call you a brat.”
Steve gasped, loud and scandalized. He’d been hanging out with Robin too much, “Me?! Never!”
Will could barely hear it over the receiver, but he could hear Eddie’s faint voice coming through, Yes he is!
And it was making him laugh even harder. Will missed this, so much. He missed having a place where he could just say whatever he wanted, with no worries. Even now he was looking over his shoulder, anxious at the chance that his mom or a sibling could come bursting in at any moment to catch him in the act of being comfortable. It was a confusing and weird feeling, and probably a little unfair to assume they’d prefer him to be sad and quiet over happy and queer. But he still did.
But for now he was safe. And he might as well take the chance to speak on all the things he couldn’t with anyone else, “But what if I don’t want to do better than Mike? Like…it’s stupid but do you think that um, I would ever have a chance?”
The answer was a strong no, but sometimes Will just needed a reality check from someone else’s mouth. 
Steve sighed, “I think the odds are pretty low bud. All jokes aside, even if he was playing for our team, I’m not sure if he’s the type who could even accept it. Y’know?”
Will did know, unfortunately. And if he’d never met Eddie and Steve there was a solid chance he’d be that guy. The truth stung a bit, but it was necessary, “I know, I know. But…do you think he would accept me? If he ever found out?”
“He fucking better. Otherwise I’ll-”
Will heard a shuffle on the other end, paired with something that sounded suspiciously like whining before he heard Eddie’s voice, “Will? You there? Sorry about that. I had to take the phone away before he started talking about beating up a child.”
Will grinned, happy to hear Eddie’s voice, “You made the right call. Do you think they’ll ever get along?”
“Not in this lifetime,” Eddie sighed, “And I know Mike’s not perfect, but if he’s okay with us why wouldn’t he be with you?”
“But it’s different when it’s a friend, isn’t it?” Will asked, “I’m not even sure if my mom would accept it, let alone him.”
“Well first of all, you don’t have to tell anyone shit, okay? But I can promise you that Joyce would be fine with it. And so would Jonathan for that matter. And I don’t even know if El is aware of what homophobia even is.”
It all sounded a lot more believable out of Eddie’s mouth than what was going on in his own head. But still… “What if they don’t though? What if I tell them and they kick me out or something? Or make me go to therapy?”
“Okay, on the off, off chance that you tell them and Joyce suddenly became a monster overnight, we’ll go to plan B. Steve and I will drive up there to kidnap you and you can live in Indy with us.”
Will grinned. He could live with that, “Can’t we just make that Plan A?”
“No, because your family loves you, as they should by the way. And this won’t bother them, I swear. Plus, telling them on your own terms is a lot less awkward than getting caught in the act.”
Will didn’t even want to know what Eddie was alluding to with that one. Poor Wayne, “But what if we’re wrong?”
He wanted to believe him, he really did, but stranger things had happened outside of gay people being disowned. 
“Will, listen to me,” Eddie said, his voice confident enough to make Will perk up, “I swear on Steve’s life, okay? There is no way in hell anyone in that house is gonna reject you for this.”
Will blinked, a little shocked at just how much faith he had in his family. More than he did, “Really?”
“Really. Trust me on this man, you’re going to be fine.”
They hung up pretty soon after that, mostly because El started knocking on his door for the phone. The conversation made him feel a bit better, but also…nervous. Could he really tell them? Would it all just work out? Just like that? Will wasn’t so sure. 
He decided against doing it right away despite Eddie’s own confidence. But he did start to drop a few feelers. He started with Jonathan, waiting until he was high enough for him to forget the conversation if it didn’t go well. And that wasn’t a long wait. 
He found him and his new friend sprawled out in his room, Fast Times playing in the background as they both stared into space. Though Will wasn’t quite sure he could count what Argyle was doing as staring. He’s eyes were barely open, and Will was 90 percent sure he was passed out. But that was good for him, now was as good a time as any. 
Jonathan smiled at him as he wandered in, his words kind but slurring, “Hey! What’s up? You never come in here. You wanna watch something or…?”
Will shook his head, his heart aching a little at the way it made his brother frown. Maybe he really had been neglecting him, too caught up in his own head to spend time with the closest thing he had to a Dad. 
It made him feel a little bad, but that wasn’t what he was here for, “No thanks. I just wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure!” Jonathan said, way too excited at the prospect of a simple question, but maybe that was the weed, “What’s up?”
Will shrugged, casually leaning against the door. Or at least he hoped it looked casual, because his heart was beating a mile per minute, “Steve said that his and Eddie’s anniversary is coming up soon. Do you think I should send them something?”
Jonathan tilted his head up to look at him, his eyes bloodshot with a tiny smile on his face, “That’s like…so nice dude. You’re always so nice. How are you so nice?”
“You don’t think it’s weird?” Will pressed, hope fluttering in his chest, “To be, y’know, celebrating them like that?”
Jonathan shook his head, “Nah man. It’s like…romance. Y’know? It’s sweet.”
“Yeah dude, gay guys are cool,” Argyle agreed out of nowhere, his eyes still closed,  “Good for Stu and Eggie. Gay people got like, the best hair.”
Will didn’t really know what to do with that one. But Jonathan was impressed. He jerked his head back to stare at Argyle, his voice in awe, “How’d you know he had good hair? I never told you he had good hair.”
“I bet they both have good hair,” Argyle sighed, “They alway do.”
“Are you like, psychic?” Jonathan asked, like that made any sense at all.
“Shit, you think I could be?”
Will watched as the two of them started to debate the idea, his brow raised. God, weed sure was a hell of a drug. He left them to it after that, deciding to slowly back out of the room. But he was going to chalk it up as a positive. 
preview for the next chapter (kind of) of this fic
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AITA for breaking up with my partner of four years who I live with?
sorry this is a long one but I don't want to leave stuff out and make it seem biased.
My partner (22F) and I (22F) have been together since senior year of high school, just before COVID hit, and have lived together for a bit over a year now.
It's her first time living outside her parents' house, and early on she was a really crappy housemate. I ended up nagging at her a lot and having to use gentle parenting techniques to get her to do basic housework and do her share of responsibilities. We had a fight around six months in, where I told her I felt like I had to parent her, and she understandably took it poorly. Since then, she's put in a lot more effort around the house in a way that felt less like it was a product of caring, and more like the product of fearing abandonment. I pointed this out to her, and she said that she was trying harder because she loved me and wanted me to be comfortable in our home, though she had made several offhand comments that she was always worried about pissing me off.
I've been clinically depressed for a long time, and one of the chief ways it's manifested is irritation and anger. It developed into a problem, and I started getting therapy/ medication. Often I would end up being pretty mean to her. I felt bad about it, but she would get on my nerves a lot. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily. She has unmedicated ADHD and often comes in and starts hyperactively info-dumping about her day without a greeting or anything, knowing I had just woken up (I work nights).
She stopped doing that only after months of me asking her to and enforcing that boundary. Sometimes I was hurtful about it, but when I was nice about it she tended to ignore me or "forget" I'd asked her to stop doing that.
The last six months she's been better about things, but the first six months of living together kinda killed my feelings for her. At first, I thought it was stress from school, work, and other things related to the house (bug infestations, things breaking constantly, standard Landlord Special bullshit). But more and more I found myself annoyed with her. I'd often make rude comments about her behavior out of frustration. When I tried to discuss things more maturely, she'd break down crying and panicking, and I'd reassure and comfort her afterward instead of getting to express my feelings. She'd rarely express hers, just start sobbing and apologizing and saying she'd change, which made me feel awful and like I couldn't express grievances to her.
I'd try to get some space from time to time, and she'd get extremely anxious and seek reassurance, which I'd give to her because I didn't want to start anything. I thought I'd come back around and find happiness with her again. She'd been extremely patient with me throughout the relationship, with my moodiness and temper. I'd tried changing that about myself, but I found that the only thing that ever seemed to help my moods was getting space from her.
In late 2023/Jan 2024 I ended up having to get a couple surgeries, and she was supportive and caring in a way not many people would be for their partners. She made time to take care of me while I was more or less disabled and gave me grace as I worked through the emotional aspects of my health issues.
During this time I started having feelings for her again, but within a week of recovering, I was back to feeling the same sense of vague irritation and resentment as before, even though her behavior had changed and she was objectively being an amazing partner.
I realized I wasn't happy in this relationship and felt tremendous pressure to be responsible for somebody who had fallen behind me in terms of emotional maturity. I couldn't discuss big issues with her without her breaking down and panicking, and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because of it. I was hurtful to her because of it, and it wasn't fair to stay a relationship I was no longer emotionally invested in.
Before I left for work one day, she ended up pressuring me into talking about what was on my mind after I told her I didn't feel the time was right to discuss it. I told her how I felt and that a breakup seemed like the healthiest way forward for us. She shut down, started crying, panicking, saying that we could work it out and go to couples therapy, etc. By this point, I had kind of lost faith in her ever fulfilling any promises related to therapy. I had to leave for work and she wouldn't stop talking about it, so I ended up apologizing, taking it back, and saying we could work it out.
A busy week or two went by where I was noticeably less nice to her, hoping that when I tried to break up with her again she wouldn't get emotional whiplash from it coming seemingly out of nowhere. I wrote out what I wanted to say in a letter and told her that I had things to talk about, but put them in a letter so she'd have time to process it instead of shutting down. I told her this, as well, to give her something of a warning.
I asked her what she thought we talked about during that big argument, and she said she honestly couldn't remember. We then went to a concert where I got drunk to try and enjoy things (I did) but she couldn't have a good time due to worrying about our conversation. I gave her the letter two days later, left it for her in the morning to read and process while I was in class that day.
It understandably went poorly, and she blames me for being a shitty partner, for being mean, for ruining the concert which was the one thing that she had looked forward to us doing as partners, and for treating her like shit in the weeks leading up to the breakup, and has indirectly asked if I can stay elsewhere on the nights where we'd be sharing a bed. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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