#it’s just that without any official release date or anything confirmed i didn’t believe it
Making this a separate tangent from an ask but I cannot stress enough how much I hate that the TPN wiki has this picture of a woman with a baby from the powerpoint ending under Isabella's anime gallery when we have the pictures of her with Gilda and of her sitting with Alicia, Jemima, and Yvette.
She either learned how to play the guitar to honor Leslie sometime after arriving in the human world, or she learned when she was a child at Grace Field, but we just never got to see her play it before. She didn’t have another biological child. “Oh, the lighting is different, that’s why the hair color doesn’t match”/“She dyed her hair” I just can’t fucking believe you lkdjflkds ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
What I would have given for there to be commentary from director Mamoru Kanbe in the S2 Blu-ray booklet like we had in S1’s or any interview with him finally confirming or disproving it's her.
Also hate how the wiki has fanart by tlieilt_625p in multiple galleries because their style is so ridiculously close to the anime canon’s style that you have people confusing their work with official art on quick glance all the time. (I was guilty of this when I first got into the series, too.)
They've deleted their twitter so I can't link directly to any of these, but even if you have countless people reuploading it without asking for permission or properly sourcing it (I also can't stress enough how much I fucking hate pinterest for this kfjsdk), Google search does corroborate this. Sometimes it's more obvious, but there are some pieces with nigh imperceptible differences.
tl;dr: take the wiki with a grain of salt regarding anything other than character birthdays cited in the mystic code book character profiles, character heights listed in the mystic code book character profiles, the interviews page (per @1000sunnygo in the tags of this post; see also here) and most of the release dates (though as of 17/2/24 pages like chapter 112 are inaccurate).
17 notes
·
View notes
WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT THE END OF ROW SETS UP THE PERFECT PLOT FOR SOC3
8 notes
·
View notes
Blessing
Steve x Barnes!reader, Bucky x platonic!reader
Sequel to Plum Cobbler
Summary: Steve has a question for you, but he has one for Bucky first.
Warnings: none!
Word Count: 1437
a/n: Thank you to @sourpatchspinster for this idea! It was just too cute for me not to write.
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
You couldn't believe it had already been three years since you met Steve and Bucky. So much has happened since then that has changed your life for the better.
You formed relationships with all of the Avengers, gaining so many new friends.
You spent countless hours talking to Bucky about your parents and grandparents, helping him feel closer to his family. He even went with you to visit your parents graves.
Plus, you moved into the compound with Steve. After that first night talking to Bucky, Steve asked out out to dinner. Everything since then has been bliss.
While almost everything. You could do without the constant worrying when either one of them is on a mission, but it comes with the territory of knowing the Avengers.
Of course, the two of you had fought but nothing serious. That is, until now.
"I'm seriously freaking out. Steve is acting so weird, and I have no idea why." You burst into Nat's room for girls night, not even bothering to wait for a greeting.
"Why, hello to you to Y/N. How as your day?" Wanda joked with you, but immediately sat up at the look on your face.
"Weird how?" Nat questioned, needing more information.
"He's been all fidgety lately. He never sits still. He won't look me in the eye unless I force him to. I think he's even avoiding Bucky, which is really not helping." You were nervously pacing back and forth until Nat stopped you, one hand on each shoulder.
"First of all, that man is so in love with you. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Second of all, have you asked him about it." Nat, ever the voice of reason, questioned you.
"I have." You held your breath, trying not to start rambling again.
"And?" The two women looked at you expectantly.
"He said he was just tired. I don't know. It started after that mission in London. He came back really late, so I figured he just needed to sleep. But then yesterday and today, it's been the same things!"
Nat and Wanda shared a look, unsure of what was going on.
"Look, maybe him and Bucky fought on the mission. It used to happen from time to time, so why not now?" Wanda suggested, trying to reassure you.
"Wanda's probably right. Steve wouldn't want to put you in the middle of a fight with Bucky." Nat nodded resolutely. "I'll talk to Bucky tomorrow, see what I can find out. Until then, let's just enjoy girl's night."
"What did I do to deserve you both?" You chuckled to yourself, already feeling less anxious.
"You sat outside like a creepy stalker for 5 weeks." Nat quipped, causing all three of you to burst out laughing.
-
Meanwhile, Steve took your presence at girl's night as the perfect opportunity to talk to Bucky.
He was pacing outside of his door for nearly an hour before he worked up the courage to knock.
Bucky swung the door open, slightly surprised to see Steve. "Honestly, I thought you were avoiding me." He stepped back, gesturing for Steve to come in.
Steve sighed, deciding to just reply truthfully. "I was."
Bucky narrowed his eyes, unsure as to what he did. "Care to share why?"
"That's why I'm here." He took a deep breath, preparing himself for his little speech. "I did something impulsive in London."
Immediately, Bucky was on edge. Steve was a reliable person. He didn't do impulsive well.
"The more I think about it, the more I know it was the right decision. I just, I know what I want out of my life now, and I know who I want to be there with me."
"I swear to every god out there, if you break her heart I still reserve the right to kill you." Bucky was staring daggers at his friend, waiting for him to continue.
"No! No, Buck, I love her so much. I love waking up with her every day. I love the way she scrunches her nose when she doesn't like something. I love the way she laughs, even when it's not funny. I love how she spent months trying to find you to connect with family. I love every single thing about her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her."
Steve took a dark green velvet box out of his pocket, handing it Bucky. Bucky, admittedly surprised, opened the box to confirm it was indeed an engagement ring.
"Why didn't you tell me you were planning this?" Bucky questioned, elated at the idea of the two of you getting married.
"Honestly, I didn't plan it. I was walking down the street in London, and I passed a jewelry store. Before I knew it, I was walking out with the ring in my pocket." Steve smiled fondly, thinking about you.
"Why have you been so nervous then?" Bucky continued questioning him.
"Honestly?" Bucky nodded. "Because I hadn't told you. You're the only family she has, and I know it's old fashioned but I wanted to ask you-"
“For my permission?” Bucky balked, eyes going wide.
“No! Not really, I know enough about modern proposals to know permission is a sexist concept. I just... want your blessing.” Steve blushed, feeling a bit odd at asking his life long friend such a question.
Bucky ran a hand through his hair, this conversation I not something he imagined having before he had any kids, and especially it with Steve. "Steve, you're my best friend. It would be an honor for you to officially join the family."
The two men were close to tears. Having been through so many hardships together, dating all the way back to fighting in the war, it was refreshingly happy to add such a joyous memory.
"Now I just have to ask her." Steve chuckled, already feeling less nervous.
"Don't worry, punk. She'll say yes."
-
After girl's night, Steve's behavior was back to normal. Maybe he really had just had a fight with Bucky. Either way, you were relieved to have him back to being his regular goofy self.
"Y/N, do you want to go out tonight?" Steve smiled at you from the other side of the room.
"I would love to. What's the occasion?" You made you way over to him, eagerly burying your head in his chest.
"I just think you deserve a nice night out." Steve grinned as you hugged him tighter.
"You're perfect." You released the words with a sigh, snuggling closer to the love of your life, wondering how you got so lucky.
-
Dinner was as perfect as you expected. Dessert was even better.
"Let's go for a walk?" Steve asked when you got out of the car back at the compound.
"Yeah? Where to?" You took his hand, ready to follow him anywhere.
"The lake?" Steve knew you would never turn down a walk around the lake.
"Wow, a man after my own heart." You squeezed his hand, laughing together.
Steve couldn't help but think, "you have no idea."
You made your way toward the lake, stopping every few feet just to look up at the stars.
Steve tugged you along until you were both standing at your favorite tree.
"My favorite tree!" You squealed, looking up at the maze of branches. When you turned around again, Steve was on one knee.
"Y/N, I have known you for three years, and I have loved you for every single one of them. Since the moment you told me why you wanted to talk to Bucky, I knew you were special. You were so determined, and although you thought it was selfish, I knew you thought he deserved to know just as much as you. Every moment since then, I have been thankful for you entering my life. I don't know where I would be if you weren't with me. Everyday I wake up and see your face is a perfect day. Will you do me the honor of waking up with you as my wife?"
Silent tears fell down your cheeks as you threw yourself at him. "Steve, I love you so much. When I first found out about Bucky, I never in a million years would have thought it would lead me here. I would love to marry you." You cried as you hugged him, separating only long enough for him to put the ring on your finger.
"I love you." He whispered, kissing you between every word.
"I love you too." You whispered back, looking forward to the rest of your life with him.
213 notes
·
View notes
secrets
pairing: Shuri x reader
warnings: none that I could think of
word count: ~2,200 words
a/n: requested by @junajackson. sorry that it took me so long to write this! between uni and having to evacuate my appartment for a while, I really didn’t have a lot of freetime to write. I hope you like it :)
summary: shuri comes to visit the avengers compound, and your teammates dicover that you’ve been secretly dating the Wakandan princess for a while now.
The sun was already starting to rise by the time you returned to the compound, bathing the sky in a light pink hue. It was a pretty sight for your sore eyes. You felt drained, the way you often did after a mission. You had been gone for almost a week without being able to contact anyone, getting very little sleep as you had to fight your way out of one mess after the other. Ultimately, the mission was a success but exhausted as you were, you didn’t have it in you to celebrate.
You were welcomed back by an agent who briefly reminded you when your mission report would be due. You muttered out a confirmation and made a beeline for your room, stripping yourself from your dirty clothes and jumping under the shower. Cleaning up made you feel a lot better, and the warm water did wonders for your aching muscles. Dressed in something comfortable, you walked to your bedroom, ready to call it a day and catch some sleep. You had barely covered yourself with a blanket when a disembodied voice interrupted the tranquility of your room.
“Mr. Stark has requested your presence in the common room.”
Burying your head in your pillow, you let out a groan.
“Do I have to?”
Even to your own ears, your voice sounded whiney. The AI refrained from commenting on that, though.
“Mr. Stark is giving you five minutes to get to the common room and advises you to make yourself look presentable.”
Grumbling out some incoherent swear words, you stumbled out of bed and slowly got changed and pulled on some shoes. After assuring your hair looked alright, you made the small track to the common room. Tony looked up when you entered but, seeing your glare, refrained from making whatever stupid comment he had on the tip of his tongue.
Silently he passed you a cup of coffee which you received with a grateful nod. Taking a sip of the dark fluid, you let its warmth and the caffeine wash over you.
“How was your mission?” Tony asked tentatively, almost as if scared you would snap at him.
“Long and exhausting. I had to ditch my phone and comms the first day and barely had time to sleep or eat,” you took another long sip of your drink before throwing him a side glance, “I really hope for the sake of you that this is important.”
Tony was quick to assure you that it was, perhaps fearing that you would lose your cool otherwise. And yes, you were tired, but you were not irrational. The worst you would do is hit him in the arm and cuss him out, maybe prank him, later on, to get even.
“Important visitors are arriving from Wakanda today. We’re doing a bit of collaborative work on a new suit, improve some of my technology, etcetera. I need someone to show them around while I’m at a meeting with Fury. Think you’re up for that?”
You visibly perked up once you heard about Wakanda. You were more than familiar with their technology. After all, you were dating the head of their science and information department, although Tony didn’t know that. No one on the team did. After all, it hadn’t been until very recently that Wakanda decided to open up to the world and share its knowledge and technology. So, naturally, secrecy had to be part of the deal at the beginning of your relationship. And since then, you had just never found the time or the opportunity to broach the subject.
“I think I'll manage.”
Tony patted your shoulder with a grateful nod.
“Good. I know you’re tired, but I'll owe you one after this,” he said, distractedly checking his watch as he spoke, “I gotta run. Can’t keep Fury waiting any longer. Tell the Wakandans I'll be back by lunchtime. Keep them entertained until then, alright?”
At your affirmation, Tony thanked you and left you alone in the common room. You made yourself a second cup of coffee, already feeling better than before. That might also have something to do with the excitement of knowing your girlfriend might be coming to visit. After all, she was the head of the technology and information exchange program, so it would only make sense for her to be the one arriving today.
When FRIDAY alerted you that the Wakandan jet was preparing to land, you were out of your seat and down at the landing lane in no time. Some agents threw you weird looks, but you couldn’t care less. The plane had just shut off its engine when you arrived, waiting a couple of feet away to leave enough space for the small boarding ramp.
First to step off the jet, were two Dora Milaje carrying their standard sonic spear and serious expressions. The two warriors remained at either side of the door, eyeing the terrain with watchful eyes. Your own were fixed on the door while practically bouncing on the back of your feet in anticipation. As soon as you recognized the silhouette of your girlfriend in the doorway, you couldn’t help the big goofy smile that came to your face.
Her eyes trailed over the small airport before finally landing on you. Face lighting up, she matched your grin with one of her own. It had been so long since you had last seen Shuri in person, your heart stammered a bit just at the sight of her. The Wakandan princess quickly descended the ramp, immediately engulfing you in a hug that you returned just as fiercely.
“I was not sure you would be here when I arrived,” she admitted, releasing you just enough so that she could really look at your face, “I haven’t heard from you since you left for your mission a week ago.”
She gave you a playfully reproachful look, causing you to grimaced sheepishly.
“I just came back an hour ago. I would have called, but sadly my phone was one of the few casualties of my mission. Anyways,” stepping back a little, you cleared your throat and jokingly bowed slightly before your girlfriend, continuing in a mockingly formal tone.
“Princess Shuri, I have the honor to officially welcome you and the Dora Milaje to the Avengers Compound. Sadly, Mr. Stark will not be available for the next hours. Until then, I can offer you a tour of the parameters, if you like?”
You held out your hand in silent offer.
She bowed her head in thanks, lightly putting her hand on yours.
“Why thank you, we would appreciate that very much.”
Unable to keep up the show any longer, you both started to giggle before you motioned for her to come along.cHolding hands, you walked her through the most important parts of the compound, ending the tour in the main lab that Tony liked to use. Shuri looked around with an appraising gaze, silently evaluating the different pieces of equipment and machinery as you leaned against the table in the center of the room.
“Not as good as what I have at home, but it will do,” was her verdict, and you laughed slightly.
“Don’t tell Tony that, or he might be tempted to renovate again. He likes to pride himself on having the best of everything.”
“Oh, but he has already admitted that I have the better tech, has he not? Or I wouldn’t be here.”
“True,” you conceded, “So what do you guys have planned? You’re not going to make him a vibranium suit, are you?”
She shook her head, joining you on your side of the table, “We were more thinking along the line of nanotechnology. Something like my brother's Black Panther suit. Easy to carry around, quick to put on. Much more practical.”
You rubbed the back of your neck, trying to sound nonchalant as you asked your next question.
“So, how long do you suppose this would take?”
She hummed, taking a couple of steps closer to you.
“Two, three days at most,” she said, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling your closer, “But for you, I might stretch it out a little. Give us more time together.”
You smiled adoringly at her, leaning in to press a long kiss to her lips. She returned it eagerly, letting out a content sigh. You really had missed her, more than you could ever put into words. And obviously, that sentiment was shared. After a few moments, you pulled apart to catch your breath, resting your foreheads together, breath mingling in the space between you. You stayed like that for a while, just content to hold each other and be close again.
“Almost forgot, I have something for you,” she whispered after a minute, releasing you to reach into her pocket.
“Oh, uh, I didn’t get you any gifts,” you muttered out, a bit embarrassed. She dismissed your worry with a shake of her head. Taking your hand in hers, she slid something onto your wrist. Shuri watched you with anticipation as you slowly realized what it was.
“You made me a Kimoyo bracelet?”
Your eyes were probably wide as saucers, a finger tentatively trailing over the engravings on the vibranium beads. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her nod.
“It’s easier for me to contact you with this than on one of your old school grandpa phones, and I thought it might be useful to you on your missions. It’s no big deal, really.”
She shrugged at the end, trying to play this gesture off. You looked up at her in wonder, quite aware that despite her words, this was, in fact, quite a big deal. For one, vibranium was really expensive. For another, Wakandans weren’t known for just handing out Kimoyo beads to anyone. This not only demonstrated how much she trusted you but also that she believed that the two of you were in this for the long run. Your adoration must have shown on your face because Shuri immediately groaned.
“Oh no, I know that look. Don’t you start getting sentimental on me,” she warned you without any malice. You smiled at her softly, unable to do anything about your expression.
“I won’t, I promise.”
She rolled her eyes playfully, overdramatically throwing her hands up in the air.
“You’re already doing it. Alright, I’m outta here.”
The Wakandan princess turned to go, but you gently took her hand and pulled her back into an embrace.
“I love you, Shuri,” you told her, your voice conveying all the emotions you felt. Her expression softened at your admission, and she leaned in to give you a small kiss.
“I love you, too, you big sap.”
“What's going on here?”
Both of you blinked in confusion, slowly turning to look at the door without letting go of each other. In the entrance of the lab, staring at you with faces ranging from shock to confusion and surprise, stood Tony, Steve, and Natasha.
You cleared your throat, feeling your face heat up, and slowly let go of Shuri, still keeping one of her hands in yours.
“Hey, what are you guys doing here?”
Steve was the one that spoke up, vaguely gesturing towards your girlfriend.
“We came to formally welcome the Princess.”
“Looks like Y/n has done enough welcoming for us all,” Natasha muttered, only snickering when Steve sent her a reproachful look for her comment. Tony was still regarding you flabbergasted.
“You,” Tony took off his ever-present sunglasses motioning between you and Shuri, “And her? Since when?”
“Shuri and I have been dating for almost a year now.”
“A year?” Tony repeated incredulously
“Back when Wakanda ‘s borders were still closed to the world,” Shuri sonfirmed, “With all the secrecy surrounding our technology, Y/n and I thought it would be best to keep our relationship secret too.”
“And after that, I just didn’t know how to tell you guys,” you added sincerely.
Tony looked as though he was about to ask more questions, but luckily Cap intervened, flashing you a smile.
“Well, I’m happy for you two. You look like you're happy together.”
Shuri squeezed your hand encouragingly, knowing how nervous you had been, not knowing how the team would react. Having the Captain’s blessing, even if you didn’t really need it, was appreciated.
“Thanks, Steve.”
“At least this explains why you’ve been having so many late-night phone calls. Good for you,” Natasha teased you, her words having the desired effect of making you groan in embarrassment.
“I guess I’m happy for you, too,” Tony admitted reluctantly after being prompted byone of Steve's stern looks, “But I'll be much happier after your girlfriend helps me with my suit. So shoo, out of the lab. Play time's over, let's get working.”
The billionaire made a motion for you all to leave, Natasha and Steve complying readily, saying their goodbyes to Shuri. Rolling your eyes, you followed his demand as well, but not without leaning in to kiss Shuri’s cheek.
“I'm beat anyways. I haven’t slept in a minute.”
She released your hand with one last small squeeze.
“Get some rest. I'll see you later.”
You were barely out of the lab when, much to Tony’s dismay, you heard Shuri brag about her own lab's much better equipment. You still had a fond smile on your face by the time you finally laid down in your bed.
___________________________________________
taglist: @fireflyglass @madamevirgo @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @penparkz
387 notes
·
View notes
Over And Out (l.h)
End Up Here - Part 4
Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader
Summary: A tour. A secret relationship. And rumors only grow...
Warnings: Angst, mild smut. Mentions of harassment, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, creepy men, jealousy, alcohol, cheating, fighting, sexism, and many frustrations. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)
Word Count: 10k
Author’s Note: this is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever written, I believe. Next part will be up on March 14th. Remember that Reblogs, Fedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨
My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?
Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3
Liked by michaelclifford, 5sosfan4eva and 1,573 others
lukehemmings and away and away we go ✈️
View all 347 comments
5sosfan4eva THEY ARE TOTALLY DATING
↪️ calumlovesash I hope they’re not 🤢 she was much better with Madden or Josh. At least they’re famous
yn5sos I’m changing seats with Michael
↪️ lukehemmings @yn5sos 🥺
*
@5sos EUROPE ARE YOU READY?!
“I can’t believe we’re already here!” Y/N cheered as they got to the hotel.
It’s been a month on the road already and they finally had a few days to rest before traveling to yet another destination. They had the idea of doing a tour to promote not only their new singles and tease the album release that’s bound to happen next year, and it ended up being one of the most incredible ideas they had after spending almost a year without doing shows.
They started with a small tour in Europe, then they will move on back home in Australia for a couple of shows, and then the big finale in the United States where most of their shows were already sold out. By that time, the fans would’ve already listened to the new songs and be even more hyped for the new album.
Luke was the newbie on tour, this not being the first time he traveled away from home, but the first time he did it with people he cared about. He was having the time of his life with Y/N, the boys, and their s.o. It all felt like a dream. He was actually living the life of a rockstar on his summer break, even if most of the things they did they had to keep it a secret.
When Y/N invited Luke on tour there was no way he would’ve said no to her - not just because he pretty much can’t say no to her, but that’s another story.
She said she wanted to take it slow and that was exactly what they were doing. They didn’t put a label on whatever they had going on, but rather they enjoyed the moment stealing kisses and nights whenever they could.
They would sneak out into each other's rooms late at night, longing to be closer. They would spend hours upon hours tangled in the sheets, loving each other and sharing whatever was on their minds at the time. Making those moments their own amid their borrowed time between destinations. A moment for the two of them.
Luke found it weird at the beginning; hiding their relationship from the world until it became official. But these last few months he could see a change in Y/N, she seemed happier, more open to talking about her feelings and her past. He understood that this was important to her, to live a normal life until she feels ready to share it.
If time is what she needed, time is what she’ll get.
The boys and their girlfriends were all supportive. They too understood the importance of keeping some things private as well as the changes in Y/N’s behavior. They were all happy to see their friend back, just in time for tour.
But it was almost impossible to control what was put in the media. The fans already know who Luke is and that he spends a lot of time with the members of their favorite band. They speculate about his relationship with Y/N, creating rumors that even though he wants to, he can’t confirm nor deny. And when it came to the media outlets, those were much, much worse.
They didn’t say much about him “The privilege of being normal” Said Calum once. But they did have a lot to say about Y/N…
“Y/N L/N is back at it again with a new man?!”
“No tears this time? Y/N L/N Caught smiling and getting cuddly with a member of her team! Can she mix work and pleasure?”
“Serial heartthrob Y/N L/N seen with other men while still refusing to talk about her most recent break-up? Sounds fishy to me!”
“What was she thinking?! Y/N L/N was spotted in an outing with his “new friend” wearing very thin shorts and a crop top. Not so family-friendly apparently”
Horrible things were written about her every day but she ignored them as if they didn’t exist. Luke wished he could do the same.
Every little article, tweet, or comment about Y/N made his blood boil. It was clear that they were completely made up to be some “big news” when the reality was far from that and they kept disrespecting them and their relationship even if it was still on the down-low.
But Luke could not stop reading them. It was addictive how he couldn’t resist clicking on her name every time it popped out, not because of some morbid reasoning behind it, but because those articles seemed to know more about Y/N than Luke himself. People kept talking about a past he didn’t know she had. Were those made up as well? Or are they based on reality? Would he be able to know the difference?
Truth was, he couldn’t. He loves Y/N blindly, he got to know her in one of the most genuine ways but it feels like that is not enough. It’s almost like she is living a secret life he doesn’t get to know.
He wonders when it will end. This seemingly permanent stage of seating on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green so they could walk freely into their relationship. Where people will support them, respect her and let them be happy. But that could never happen when she’s the one who doesn’t want to move.
Luke respects that she is not ready to talk, as she said time and time again. But he just couldn’t comprehend how she, right now, could be so at peace while her name is thrown through the mud and back. Smiling with the boys as they take pictures for promo while management arranges the check-in. Does she not know what they are saying about her or she just accepts it without any retribution?
He was asking himself all these questions as he watched her so happy, his mind tormenting him with a dark cloud over their sunny day. He wants to protect her, but he doesn’t know how or if she would even let him.
And yes, maybe that was selfish of him. Banging on a closed-door with his heart in his hands. But what about the person with the key and the lock? Aren't they a little bit selfish too?
“Hey!” He heard Kat said as she sat beside him, nudging her shoulder against his.
Luke turned to her, his eyebrow still locked in a frown as he muttered a little “hey”
The blonde girl scrunched her nose at him “Yikes, what's happening that it has you all worked up, buddy?”
Luke pressed his lips on a thin line as his eyes traveled back at Y/N. She was laughing at something Ashton had said when she turned to look at him.
Y/N smiled, winking at him as she waved. Luke stared at her for a while, a small smile playing on his lips as he raised his hand in acknowledgment. He could feel his heart skipping a beat every time their eyes met, but the dark feelings in his mind made his expression turn sour the moment Y/N turned around again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the girl sitting next to him.
“You read them again, didn’t you?” Kat asked, already knowing the answer just by looking at how his shoulders tensed the moment she asked it.
They were all aware of the tabloids and the stories, being a regular occurrence to them, but not for Luke. They all knew this was new to him as well and how overwhelming it might be. So they all tried to ground him as much as possible, not letting him get affected by it as he had before.
“Now why are they saying that?!” He spat as he threw his cellphone on the leather couch, calling the boy's attention.
It was a normal day at the studio. They were all getting lunch as they laid back in the break room while Y/N and their girls went out to get them coffee.
Calum was the first one to speak, confused by his friend's sudden outburst “Uh, what exactly? And who?”
“This!” He said, grabbing his phone and tossing it at Calum. The rest of the boys gathered around as Luke plopped himself down on the couch.
Ashton began to read out loud “Seeing the growing rumors of Y/N’s mystery man, here’s a list of every guy we wished would date her”
“Okay that’s fucked up,” Michael said, swallowing his food.
“It’s better than the last one…”
“What?!” Luke asked, outraged that there are worse things out there.
“Dude, chill,” Calum said, “We understand this is beyond fucked, especially now that you’re dating or whatever. But you getting this angry at it won’t solve anything”
“Won’t solve anything?!” He said in a loud tone “That’s my girl they’re talking about. My girl dating other guys while she’s with me!”
“But they don’t know that,” Michael argued.
Luke shook his head, taking his phone back from Calum’s hands as he started typing furiously.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?! Letting them know that they can go fuck themselves” Luke answered, eyes still on the phone, a second away from pressing send before Calum snatched his phone.
“No!” He said “You are not going to out your relationship without her consent!”
“But-“
“Plus, I already took care of it,” Ashton said, holding his phone up “I tweeted at them telling them how incredibly disrespectful they’re being, now the fans are onto them and I already messaged management to deal with it”
“And that’s it?” Luke’s eyes winded “That’s all you’re gonna do?”
“That’s all we can do right now,” Ashton said with a sigh, sitting next to it “We know these situations suck, they’re horrible and dehumanizing and we are glad more people are realizing just how shitty the media is. But if we respond to every rumor there is it’s going to be a never endless battle, it’s going to backfire. We know, we tried”
“But all the stories are aimed against her” Luke said, running a hand through his face with frustration clear in his eyes “She didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Why do you think that is?” Michael chimed in “Think about Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears… They aim for women because they think are easy to kill”
“Which they’re not. It makes them stronger somehow. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if I was them” Calum said “Women are stronger than you think when it comes to this, Y/N included”
“We’ve been living with this kind of shit show for years. We defended her with knives and teeth, dragging every single outlet that posted something against her. But that shit only made it worse for her”
“They loved the attention they were receiving” Ashton’s voices laid with sarcasm “Every interaction we had they profited from it, creating even more rumors, one worse than the other, just so they could have the clicks. Eventually, Y/N asked us to stop defending her publicly and she decided to ignore it altogether”
“But we still fight for her, though. We flag the post, demand they take it down, talk to PR and management for damage control, and even sue for defamation a couple of times. She’s never got to go through any of that on her own, we wouldn’t have allowed it”
“And what am I supposed to do, then?” Luke asked, a mix of frustration and desperation filled his voice “Just do nothing?”
“Be there for her” Calum answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world “Support her. Love her. Comfort her. Whatever she needs. She’s a strong woman, one of the strongest we know. But there will come a time when she will have to lean on someone, and you have to be there and ready for her. She trusts you. Don’t let her down”
Kath placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder, understanding the man’s pain.
“I just-“ He said with a sigh “She never reads them, you know? The articles. But I do, I can’t help it. They seem to know more about her than me and that’s just-“
“Fucked?”
“Yeah,” He said as he took a long breath “I don’t know… I’m trying. This is all very new to me and she’s a professional at dealing with this kind of shit. But at the same time, she never tells me anything, how she feels about them or if they’re real or not. It’s fucking me up”
Kat hummed “And I assume you don’t ask her about it either”
The girl crooked an eyebrow at Luke, seemingly seeing through him “I- I don’t want to push”
She sighed and patted his shoulder “Let me tell you something, Luke. From girlfriend of a celebrity to the boyfriend of a celebrity” She started, earning Luke’s complete attention “When I started dating Calum we decided to keep it private, out of the eyes of the media and even from some of his friends. It was good at the beginning, great even! But the heart is ambitious and it always ends up wanting more. We fought a lot during those times, part of us wanting to hold on to what we had but at the same time longing for some kind of freedom. In the end, we did end up going public, as you know. We endure a lot of hate, we still do. But we knew what we were up against, you’re still trying to figure that out. But I’m telling you to know there is something you’re lacking”
“And what is that?” Luke asked with curiosity.
“Communication” Kat smiled sweetly at him “How do you expect to reach a meeting point while you’re sitting here in your own dark cloud and she’s over there with no clue of what’s happening with you and vice versa?”
The blonde girl got up from her seat next to him, giving him one last piece of advice before walking towards Calum “Don’t give up before you try. No one said it was going to be easy but, it’s your choice to see if it’s worth it”
Luke watched her walk away, rousing her arms around Calum’s waist as she smiled sweetly at him, giving him a small peck. Luke smiled at their love.
He thought about their friends, how in love they are with their partners and how free they are to love publicly, facing the retaliations of being in the public eye. But they seemed happy, they were happy. And he realized he wanted that for him and Y/N.
His mind drifted off to the possibility of going public, cleaning the air once and for all. No more “mysterious guy” or “Y/N’s possible secret lover” he’d be Luke Hemmings, the proud boyfriend of singer Y/N L/N. They could be happier, free. They could fight those rumors together and face the stormy weather that would come. He’d defend her until the end of times, protecting her with his life and supporting her in everything she does. He wanted that for them. But it wasn’t his sole choice to make.
“Babe!” He heard Y/N call.
She was walking up to him, a playful smile on her face as the nickname rolled off her tongue. She was wearing one of his hoodies, making her look small as she approached him.
He noticed that her eyes were shining, lately, they always did and he couldn’t get enough of them. He could get lost in her eyes willingly, throwing away the map and making himself home.
He loved her. Oh, he was so in love with her he didn’t even know what to do. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was about wanting to love her freely. He just wished she thought about it too.
“I got our keys” She smiled, pulling two cards out of her back pocket.
“Oh?” Luke asked playfully with a grin drawn into his face “And where am I supposed to sleep this week?”
In order not to create any suspicion about their relationship, they decided that Luke will have his own hotel room on tour - even though everyone knows that’s not where he sleeps or where he wakes up in the mornings. Usually “Luke’s room” is used to store the extra luggage they carry.
Y/N fake pouted “Sadly, Mr. Hemmings. Your room is at the other end of the hall”
Luke gasped “That far away?! Is there any way I can be… closer?”
The girl bit her lip as she rounded her arm around his waist, standing on her tippy toes as she softly whispered in his ear “Let’s see what I can do about that, Sir”
Y/N giggled as she heard Luke let out a soft groan, pecking his cheek with a small kiss as she stood in front of him again “Baby, you’re going to be the death of me” He said, trying to get a hold of her by her waist. But she was quicker, swiftly moving a step back as she started walking towards the elevators. One last look over her shoulder got him grabbing their things as he followed her without any questions.
The elevator ride is quiet, the beating of their hearts being the soundtrack to their wait as they reached their floor. Y/N didn't look at him as she walked towards the door, unlocking it with one swift movement of the wrist and leaving it open for Luke to come in after her.
When he opened the door, she was nowhere in sight. He wondered if she hid somewhere, this not being the first time she would jump and scare the shit out of him. But then, his ears picked up a soft humming coming through the bathroom door, and with a devilish smile he let their luggage at the side of the closet, he locked the door and made his way to her.
Y/N was humming one of her favorite songs when Luke caught her reflection in the mirror but she was not looking at him. She was putting some lotion in her hands, fingers tracing up until her upper arm with barely-there touches.
“Remember we have a party in a couple of hours, Hemmings,” She said when she felt him getting closer “We should get ready soon” He just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention to her words.
Softly, he placed his hands on either side of her hips, pulling her closer to him. Y/N kept ignoring him as she dried the excess of product out of her hands and it wasn’t until Luke pushed away some of her hair and started kissing along her neck that she finally gave him a proper response to his action.
Luke smirked as he felt her let out a shaky breath as his lips traced the shell of her ear, kissing it softly before moving lower and lower, kissing and sucking on her skin as slow as he could, making her tremble under his touch.
“Luke,” She said, holding her breath as she felt his calloused hands travel under the hoodie she was wearing. His hoodie. The one that always smelt like him.
“Hmm?” He asked, not stopping his movements for a second.
“We- uhm” The girl stuttered in a whisper when his hands started touching her over her bra, softly rolling over the nipples and making them hard “We should - oh - we should start getting ready soon”
“We should, huh?” He asked, voice raspy and low “It will be rude to go a little bit late. Wouldn’t it?”
Y/N let out a sigh when his hands left her breasts, trying to regain her breath before she lost it all over again when his fingers started playing with the hem of her jeans.
His fingers wandered carefully, fiddling with the button and zipper until they weren’t an issue. His lips grazed her neck up and down, kissing it softly as his fingertips finally reached her center.
She let out a soft moan when she felt him over her panties, tracing her lips over them and feeling her arousal “I’m sure they could wait a little bit longer” He said as he pressed a finger to her clit over the fabric “We need to take care of a few problems before that, don’t you think?”
He pressed his hips onto her, a soft whimper escaping her mouth when she felt his growing erection against her.
“So wet for me, my love” He groaned as her hand flew to the top of his hair, trying to find balance as she tugged on his curls “Always so beautiful for me”
“Luke-“
He opened his eyes just in time to catch her staring at him through the mirror with a desperate look in her eyes. It took him less than a second to spin her around and press her against the countertop, ceasing his lips into her like she was his last meal on earth.
She tangled her hands behind his head, fingers deep into his hair as he grabbed her by the back of her thighs, easily lifting her off and taking her to the king-size bed where they made sure to lose track of time between kisses and moans as they satisfied their needs with each other, over and over again until they fell through the abyss of pleasure together, whispering sweet confessions as their breath went back to normal.
It was easy to say that they were the last ones to reach the lobby. What was hard for them to ignore was the knowing looks and teasing smiles from their friends that were waiting for them for a good amount of time.
“Don’t say anything” Y/N threatened Ashton as he opened his mouth. But he just laughed
“If you want Luke to walk around with his fly open then sure, I’ll keep my mouth shut”
*
The ride to the party was filled with laughter and chit-chats. They were all in a great mood to finally have a mini-break in between shows and what better way to celebrate it than at a big party?
Luke stole glances from Y/N as she talked to Bethany. She looked beautiful with her black dress, making Luke proud and a little bit snug about him being the one who would take her home afterward.
But he knew that after tonight they needed to talk. And not “talk” like they usually do. No, this time he was going to express his concerns to her, his hopes for them, and confess his love for her over and over again. He wanted her to know how he feels, he needed to know where they stand and what she needs to feel more comfortable and what he can do to help her feel at ease.
He just needs reassurance, something to hold on to while he provides the same for her. In the end, he knew they would be okay.
After a few minutes, they reached the house of the host. Luke marveled at the mansion that stood proudly in front of him. When Y/N mentioned a party with some label associates, she never mentioned that the party was going to be hosted by the president and owner of the label.
He felt Y/N tug on his hand a couple of times before separating herself from him and going to stand next to the girls.
For a moment Luke forgot that they needed to keep appearances and couldn’t be together romantically in public. He could feel his heart aching as he watched her walk away with her friends, laughing together as they stepped into the party.
“Hey,” Michael said behind him, following the eyes of the sad man next to him “It’s just one night”
He tried to be comforting, but all Luke could wonder was: Would it be just for a night?
The party was wild. That’s the first thought everyone has in their minds as they step through those doors into a world of darkness mixed with neon lights, smoke machines, and three open bars scattered around the hall. People were separated into groups: The ones who were too drunk to stop dancing, the ones not drunk enough to start dancing, and the ones who were networking their way into the industry.
Everyone that was someone was at that party. Producers, artists, songwriters, performers, agents… You name it. It was a party for the big leagues and Luke could not help but feel out of place the moment he stepped foot into the scene.
“Hey! 5 Seconds of Summer. C’mere!” A voice called over the music.
Standing not too far from them there was a man, his bald head shined under the lights as he held a drink to his lips, beckoning the band to come over.
Y/N and the guys started walking towards the man without a second to wait, leaving Luke and their girlfriends to witness the interaction from afar.
“Who’s that?” Asked Luke, getting closer to Danielle as they watched their partners laugh with a bunch of men who were now surrounding the band.
“That’s Anthony Kellinghs” She answered, swiftly grabbing a drink from one of the trays carried by the passing waitresses “He’s one of the big bosses in the industry. Ashton said his team approached them not too long ago to see if they would be interested in changing labels and work with them”
Luke glanced back to the group. Y/N was standing next to Calum, talking about something that made Anthony smile even though her face was serious. He did not like the way that man was looking at her.
Anthony laughed loudly, making other guests turn his face towards them. Y/N and the boys shared a confused gaze as they laughed awkwardly along with him. The bald man kept laughing, clearly intoxicated as he lowered his hand and rounded his arm around Y/N’s waist.
Luke’s breath got caught in his lungs as he watched how Y/N’s body movements came to a halt and her eyes widened in discomfort, her smile seemed stiff but she didn't stop laughing or talking to the guy. Luke could feel his blood boil as he watched his girl in the arms of someone else, acting like nothing was happening and that everything was fine, in front of him.
“What the fuck?” He muttered under his breath. Debating on whether he should go and punch that dude in the face. No matter how important he was in the industry, he wanted him away from Y/N immediately.
But he didn’t move and neither did Y/N. Luke didn’t know if it was because she physically couldn’t or because…
No, he rejected that thought immediately. It was clear to him by her eyes that she was desperate to get away from his touch. And apparently not only to him because the moment that man put his hands around her Ashton and Michael called his attention away from her, moving a few steps back so Y/N could have more space to free herself the moment she could. Calum had his eyes on her, too, with his arm placed to his side as if he were to take her away from there at any second.
Yet the man did not move an inch away from her. Instead, his hand trailed lower with every word he spoke, until Luke couldn’t see it anymore. All he could see what’s Y/N’s uncomfortable face as she suddenly jumped forward, fear written all over her eyes.
Luke let out a curse as he took a step forward, ready to beat that man’s face to dust. But he stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Wait!” Danielle said, eyes locked on the scene played in front of them.
Luke stared ahead and let out a breath of relief when he saw Calum taking Y/N away from the group and towards the bar, seemingly excusing themselves to get a drink. He saw how his friend’s arm rounded around her shoulders, making it impossible for her to look back and for anyone else to notice her face as they walked away with no intentions of coming back.
Luke lost sight of them as he watched them disappear into the party. “Good,” he thought “At least she’ll be safe and away from him” But that thought did not calm the rage he felt towards the creep that dared touch her in front of her friends.
“I’m going to kill him” He hissed, once again trying to step forwards but once again being pushed back by Ashton’s girl.
“The guys got it covered,” She said, her sweet voice laced with a warning as she whispered loud enough for only them to hear “They will handle it and make sure they never work with that man, ever. It’s not the first time this has happened”
“This happened before?!” Luke said, attracting some curious eyes to him. But he couldn’t care less about it at the moment.
The girls looked at each other and then at Luke. How could they explain to the man that this happens more times than Y/N would be able to admit? They knew first hand how the industry was full of creeps and disgusting men, having dealt with them in the past as well, but Y/N…
She was the front girl, the main focus of attention. She was beautiful, talented, hot… that’s all they saw, never caring about her caring personality, or how intelligent she was, how she was the driven force of 5SOS. She was more than her looks, she was a girl trying to live her dreams. But men only seem to see one thing.
“I’m going to check on them,” Kat said as she walked towards where Calum disappeared with Y/N. Bethany mentioned going to Michael to try and make them get away from the conversation they were still having with that fucker.
And Luke stood there, not able to do anything “Y/N wouldn’t want you to cause a scene, that’s why the boys never do it anymore. She knows how important image is for all of them and a scandal is the last thing they need right now. Especially if some “random dude” goes and punch one of the biggest names in the industry”
Danielle was right and he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to defend his girl because she didn’t want to be defended. But the fact that she knew how to handle these kinds of things didn’t make it any less wrong or difficult for him to ignore. More so because their relationship was still kept a secret.
Luke couldn’t help but think that maybe if people knew they were together, things like these wouldn’t happen. After all, the only thing men like Anthony respected was the presence of another man.
Ashton and Michael returned after a minute, both of them with their jaws clenched and eyes filled with the same feeling of powerless Luke felt.
“Where is she?” Ashton asked, standing beside Dani and holding her close by the waist, almost as if he were scared something might happen to her.
“Kat went to check on them, they still haven’t returned,” She said, comforting her boyfriend by running her hand up and down his arm.
“This is bullshit” Luke murmured, frustration lacing his voice as he grabbed one drink from one of the waitresses and drowned it in one go without flinching. He turned around and started walking away from the group.
“Where are you going?” Michael asked, half concerned and half furious from him walking away at this moment.
“I need air” He answered as he took another drink and walked through the garden doors. Not even sparing a glance back when Y/N called his name as she watched him go.
Luke spent most of the night going back and forwards between the main hall and the garden. He drank whatever was being offered to him and sat down on a bench as he watched the casual smokers come outside, accompanying him from a distance.
He knew he was being childish. He didn’t understand much about the industry, nor how people that worked in it were. All Luke knew was that Y/N was nothing like them; she was not greedy, nor was she a creep, she wasn’t evil or ill-hearted and she didn’t deserve what happened.
He wanted to be with her, apologize for his shitty behavior, and tell her that he loved her. Because he did. He loved her with all his heart and it hurts him to see her like that. But every time he stepped through those doors back to the main hall - every time more intoxicated than the others - she was nowhere to be found. Or she didn’t want to be found, but that didn’t stop Luke from looking for her.
And every time, wherever he found her, she would have company. Sometimes she would be with the boys and their girlfriends laughing along with some other group of people - usually men - that stood a little too close and personal with her. Other times she would be on her own, talking to some guy or girl he didn’t know, too preoccupied with her conversation to even notice Luke standing at a distance, looking at her with longing eyes as he tried to find the courage to talk to her.
Then, he would go back to the bar, order his drink and go back outside or with the group, tightening the grip on his glass as he watched the girl he loves being swept away in conversations he couldn’t be a part of, after all, he was just one of the composers and her friend. Nothing else.
The guys and their girlfriends tried to cheer him up, including him in conversations and inviting him to dance. They knew how new this was to him, having to remind themselves every once in a while when they caught his sad eyes dancing across the room on the looks of his fleeting love.
“She came looking for you a few minutes ago while you were outside,” Dani told him the third time he came by the group.
“Why didn’t she go out with me?” He asked, eyes on Y/N as she talked to Michael and one of the producers they met in London a few years back.
“She was going to,” Ashton chimed in “She walked over there but I think Niall caught wind of her and they started to catch up”
Luke clenched his jaw at the thought of Y/N with other men. His mind couldn’t help but to go back to all those articles about her exes, her possible new partners, her possible future partners. Cheating scandals, break-up songs, parties where she didn’t leave alone… All the things she refused to acknowledge came to the surface, hitting Luke in the face as he realized that they might not all be lies.
He hated to think about her that way, to think that he didn’t trust her enough or that she didn’t trust him enough or whatever the fuck was wrong with them. But as he saw how Y/N hugged a stranger, all his thoughts went out the window.
“Who is that?” He asked no one in particular.
“Who?” Bethany asked in response, following Luke’s stare towards her friend “Oh, that’s Josh”
“Josh? As in Josh Benthlow? Her ex?”
Beth furrowed her eyebrows as she saw the look of pure rage on the blonde’s eyes “Uh, yeah? But you got something wrong there” She said, “They never dated”
Y/N laughed at something Josh said, pushing him playfully on the shoulder as he kept telling his story. Luke recognized the look in his eyes; it was the same way he used to look at Y/N when they first met: Pure adoration. And, he didn’t know if it was the alcohol in his system that was making him see things that weren’t there, but he could swear he saw Y/N flirt back at him.
“Friends don’t act like that” He spat, taking another sip from his drink, already losing count of how many he had that night.
“Hey!” Beth called his attention, taking the drink from him “That’s enough now. Alcohol is making you act like a complete asshole”
“I-”
“I don’t care.” She said, interrupting whatever he had to say before he even said it “Look, I get that you’re getting used to all of this. But you need to stop with the jealous act right this instant. She’s famous, yes, they all are and that means that you will have to share her with the world whether you like it or not. It’s her dream after all, and besides Y/N would never do something like that to hurt you and you know it”
Did he?
Not long after the group decided to go back to the hotel, having already stayed at that party longer than necessary given that they have a show the next day. The ride back was quiet, everyone either being too tired to even speak or too smart to try and cut the tension that was being created by the new couple’s behavior. Even when Y/N sat next to Luke he didn’t acknowledge her, keeping his eyes looking outside the window the whole car ride.
Y/N was one of the first ones to get out of the car, walking up to the elevators and not waiting for anyone as the doors closed.
Luke clenched his jaw as he contemplated not going to their room tonight, fighting with the feeling of not wanting to see her and the feeling of never wanting to let her go.
“You need to go there right now,” Calum said, taking a step next to Luke but not looking in his eyes “Having been her friend for so long I can see that she’s upset… Nah, fuck that. Even idiots can see that she’s upset”
Luke scoffed “She’s the one that’s upset?” Voice laced with sarcasm.
Calum hummed “Guess not every idiot can see that” He pressed the button of the elevator and hoped in with Kat, not waiting for Luke as the door closed in his face, but not before saying “You’re not the only one hurting, you know?”
It took another 20 minutes for Luke to open the door of their room. Again, Y/N was nowhere to be seen, but the light coming from under the closed bathroom door let him know that she was there.
He sat at the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he now wished he hadn't drunk as much as he did. His head was spinning, he couldn’t decipher if it were because of the alcohol or because of his intrusive thoughts that wouldn’t leave his head.
Y/N got out of the bathroom for what it felt like an eternity later. She was wearing her Spongebob pajama and her hair was tied in a messy bun. Her makeup-less face looked tired as she didn’t glance at Luke before sitting by her side of the bed.
They stayed in silence for another five minutes before she decided to speak.
“Are we going to talk about tonight?” She said, voice neutral of any emotion.
Luke scoffed “Now you want to talk?”
She ignored him “I didn’t see you all night, Luke. I was worried”
“Oh, you were?” He mocked with cruel sarcasm as he got up from the bed and started pacing around the room “Funny way to show it you weren’t around!”
“I wasn’t around?! Luke, you spent half the night outside! Every time I came over you were nowhere to be found!”
“And every time I was there you were too busy talking to other people”
“I was working, Luke!” She said with a groan, massaging her temple as she turned to look at him “It’s part of my job to make connections at these kinds of events. And if you didn’t notice, Calum, Ashton, and Michael did the same”
“Well, you must be pretty damn good at your job then!”
Y/N looked at him, shocked by the way he was speaking to her “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Luke was angry at her question. How could she not know? “Why don’t you ask Josh what I mean?”
“Oh my fucking GOD,” She said with the loudest tone he’s ever heard her talk “That’s what this is all about?! He’s a friend!”
“I was a friend, too and we still fucked!” Luke matched her tone of voice, probably waking the people in the room next to theirs.
Y/N laughed humorlessly “You have no right to-”
“And whose fault is that? Huh? Whose fault is that I cannot call you my girlfriend in front of other people? Whose fault is that I have to stand to the side and watch you flirt with every guy on earth just because “it’s your job”?” He asked “Y/N, I’m trying so hard for you to let me in and the only thing you do is push me away! Are you embarrassed by me in any way?”
“No,” She said, finally meeting his eyes and seeing no more anger in them, just an incredible sadness for both of them “No, of course not”
“Then why?” Luke asked, taking a step towards her and cupping her cheek with one hand “Why can’t you let me protect you? Why can’t I be with you freely? I know some things are hard for you to talk about, love. I get that. But I’m drowning here, not knowing what to think or what to say to make you trust me”
Y/N stayed quiet as she looked into his eyes before looking away. Luke sighed.
“We don’t have to talk about this right now. But we’ll have to do it eventually”
“I know,” She said with a string of voice.
“Sorry for the things I said”
“I’m sorry, too”
Luke wanted to kiss her, to comfort her. Even though he is still mad at her, he still has this need to protect her from the wrongs of the world. But she’s got to let him in first.
Instead, Luke placed a kiss on her head and walked towards the bathroom to get changed for the night. When he came back Y/N was already asleep on her side of the bed, her back turned to Luke’s side.
He let out a sigh as he turned off the lights, laying down facing the other side as he murmured a “Good night” Barely missing the soft sniff she gave in response.
The next morning Luke woke up without her by his side. He felt a tug in his heart as he remembered all the things he said to her, the cruel way in which he implied that it was all her fault when both of them had a bit of blame to put in their names. He wouldn’t be surprised if in the middle of the night she decided to leave and sleep somewhere else.
He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, ready to give her a call and apologize properly, hoping she’d pick up. But just as he was about to press the call button, the door opened.
Y/N walked in, sandwich and orange juice in hand. A small smile came to her lips when she saw him already awake.
“Hey,” She said softly, almost like if there were someone else in the room that was sleeping “You missed breakfast, so I bought you this. It’s now much but-“
“Thank you,” Luke said with complete honesty.
Y/N nodded, walking up to his nightstand to place the drink and the sandwich. But before she could walk away again, Luke grabbed her softly by the arm.
“Luke-“
“I’m sorry,” He said, his baby blue eyes looking into hers. He was sad to see no emotion in them compared with how shiny they were yesterday before the fight “I didn’t mean it”
Y/N let out a sigh as she sat on the bed next to him “No, you’re not” She said almost resignedly “And yes, you did. And it’s okay, I deserve it”
Luke shook his head, feeling even worse than before “No, Y/N I was out of place and-“
“You were, but that didn’t make your words any less than truthful. I hurt you, Luke. Even without wanting to” She said with a broken voice, but the tears didn’t come “But I want to change that. Tonight, we can talk after the concert. Okay?”
“I don’t want to pressure you” His hand flew to her face, placing a strand of hair behind her back. She smiled softly and kissed the palm of his hand.
“I know, but I want to” Finally, she got up from the bed and started walking into the bathroom, gathering some of her things. “We’ll start early today with some interviews and sound check, and the girls wanted to go shopping so they’ll meet us there. I will send a car for you before the concert and then we’ll talk. Alright?”
She grabbed her back and headed towards the door, giving Luke one last look and a soft smile before she left.
Luke didn't forget how she didn’t kiss him before she closed the door.
*
The day passed by and Luke was still in their room. He sat in front of the table with his notebook and pen, writing up words that, at that moment, reminded him of her.
He didn’t like how they were acting with each other. How quick everything went to shit after last night’s mistakes when words were louder than actions until those words became apologies.
Y/N said he didn’t mean his apology, and deep down he knew it to be true. He regrets the way he told her, admiring that he would have handled things a little better than he did. But he meant what he said about her pushing him away by not communicating. They were both trying but apparently, they sucked at it.
Truth was, there was no one to blame. Truth was, they were both at fault. And, truth was that he would still fall to his knees for her the moment she asked. Because he had never loved someone as much as he loved her.
When the time of the concert was almost upon him, he quickly jumped into the shower, ignoring all the beeps and rings of his phone as his thoughts and hopes filled his mind. He thought about what he was going to say to her, and he hoped that they could finally get past this and leave this whole situation behind; to start over and just be free.
He was putting on his shirt when his phone started beeping again, finally checking it to see what the fuss was all about.
Thousands upon thousands of notification flooded his screen, and they all said the same thing:
“Y/N AND MADDEN BACK TOGETHER?!”
“THE ENCOUNTER OF THE YEAR! MADDEN BANKS AND Y/N L/N SEEN TOGETHER AGAIN TALKING ON THE OUTSIDES OF THE VENUE”
“OMG Y/N X MADDEN SHIPPER REJOICE AS THE COUPLE SEEMS TO HAVE REKINDLED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING SCANDAL”
Luke felt as if an elephant was standing on top of his chest, losing his balance and falling to the bed with his phone in hand, unable to look away from his screen.
His breathing became elaborated as his eyes filled with tears as he read the tweets and article titles. He knew he shouldn’t click on them. He knew. And yet…
“Lead singer of the band 5 Seconds of Summer, Y/N L/N was last seen talking to her ex-boyfriend, Madden Banks, in a secluded alley outside the venue where the band is going to perform their concert tonight.
We last saw the couple last year around August when Madden announced their breakup after cheating scandals came out to the surface. None of the parties made any comments about it, but it was set to believe that Y/N was the one who committed the mistakes after a set of tweets on Bank’s personal account where it said that he was feeling “broken-hearted” by the situation and he hoped no one had to get through that ever again.
Now it seems that the past is the past! As Y/N and Madden were caught by paparazzi talking again, and by the looks on both their faces it seemed like their relationship was not over after all!
We are still waiting for confirmations from either of them but congratulations to the couple ❤️”
A set of pictures were attached to the article. All of them of bad quality and from questionable sources.
On the first one, you could see Madden smiling with Y/N’s back facing the camera. On the second one, Madden was closer to her, almost cradling her face as if to kiss her. The third picture had Madden pointing out the paparazzi, a surprised expression plastered on his face as Y/N appeared out of focus. The last picture had Y/N walking away with Madden following behind, both of them with angry faces seemingly for being interrupted.
Luke was gripping on his phone tightly, a sense of rage coming over him as he wiped his tears furiously and walked up the door. Turning off his phone before he could read Y/N’s message:
Y/N: it’s not true! Let me explain…
*
He did not go to the concert that night, nor did he stay in their bedroom, opting for sleeping in the room that was originally assigned to him.
His emotions walked him into a bar last night, letting him drown his sorrows in alcohol as he slowly drifted away from his senses. He doesn’t remember getting to the hotel, but he does remember not wanting to be with her that night. Feeling betrayed and used, what was the point?
It was pretty late when he woke up the next morning, too late for Y/N to even be in the hotel knowing that they still needed to do a lot of press before traveling to their next destination. It was sufficient to say that he was not going to go with them.
He was about to book a flight when he noticed his phone died while being turned off last night. He was in such a rush that he forgot to bring his charger with him, but he felt confident that it was safe for him to go back to her room now that she was gone. He would pack all his things and leave, he was not about to endure any of this shit anymore, no matter how much it hurts him.
When he opened the door to her room, however, Luke noticed that he was not alone.
“You didn’t come last night”
Y/N was standing by the window, looking at the street through the thin curtain, hoping she might catch a glimpse of Luke walking back to her. She was wearing the hotel’s robe and had her hair tied in a ponytail. Her voice was fragile, tired, and broken as if she spent all night crying.
“Good,” thought Luke “at least we’ll both be miserable”
Luke didn’t answer that, instead, he just asked ���I thought you’d be doing the press tour”
She shook her head, her back still facing him as she sniffed “I couldn’t go. I didn’t know where you were”
He would’ve thought it was touching and he might’ve felt bad for her if she hadn’t shattered his heart the night before. So he said nothing.
“I needed you last night, Luke,” She said, voice a little firmer as she finally turned around. Luke’s heart ached when he saw her delicate figure, she looked sick, pale, and tired. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red from all the crying. Part of him wanted to go to her and hold her, but her betrayal was still too fresh on his skin.
Luke scoffed “Sure you did” He didn’t intend for his voice to sound with such malice, but it was almost as if his tongue had a brain on itself “Was Madden not enough?”
“Stop,”
“Is he here?” He asked, voice mocking interest as he walked around the room “C’mon Asshole!” He called, opening the closet doors and walking into the bathroom “You won, motherfucker, you can have her! It’s not like it’s hard anyway”
Her eyes widened at his words, cheeks turning pink at the realization of the insult “Luke!”
“Was this part of your plan?” He asked, turning towards her with nothing but the rage inside his eyes “To bring me here to make him jealous? To make me fall for you so easily? Is that why we never went public? Ha! Should’ve known you just wanted a free pass to whore around while still making sure you have a secure fuck waiting back at the hotel”
Y/N froze. Not even Luke could believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he was too far gone in his own anger to process them or to take them back.
“This is the part where you apologize,” She said, eyes filling with tears she refused to spill.
“No, this is the part where I tell you to fuck off” Luke spat, taking a step towards her, not realizing how she flinched as she took a step back “You know, I tried so fucking hard for months to make you happy. And every day I read those fucking articles that were talking shit about you and every fucking day I told myself that those weren’t real. That you weren’t like that… surprise, surprise! Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Makes sense! That’s why you never wanted to talk, you never wanted to admit to what you did because you never take any fucking responsibilities for the damages you cause! I thought I knew you, at least some parts of you. Turns out everyone is right about you. Every fucking word of it”
He turned around, ready to grab his things and go, but the adrenaline was kicking in and he just couldn’t stop.
“Tell Madden that he’s an idiot for taking you back,” He said with his back turned to her “That he should’ve left your cheating ass alone. Let you get what you deserve”
“I never cheated” She mumbled, voice barely above a whisper.
He scoffed “Yeah, right”
“I never fucking cheated!” Y/N raised his voice, making Luke turn around to face her. Her face was red with tears and she had her fist clenched to her sides, knuckles white from all the pressure she was putting in.
“I never cheated on Madden! I never fucking cheated on you! On anyone! He cheated on me, repeatedly and with several people for all the course of our relationship! I never touched a person outside ANY of my relationships. I have been nothing but faithful to you and now you’re throwing that shit at me without knowing an ounce of my side of the story?!
You want to know, Luke, why I never tell the story as it was? Why it’s so fucking hard for me to tell the story even to the people I love?”
It was a challenge, he knew from the look in her eyes that she was not going to stay quiet any longer. She didn’t even wait for his answer.
“I was fucking abused, Luke! Physically, mentally, sexually… you fucking name it! During that whole relationship. Want me to tell you the details or you could figure it out yourself?! I was getting beaten almost daily! I had to hide the bruises and cuts in front of the guys as they slowly watched me fall apart. I had to lie to them for YEARS because I genuinely thought he loved me. He said he did so I believed him. It wasn’t until one night where he got too far that I had to tell myself that it was enough. But what could I say? I was so fucking embarrassed I couldn’t go to the media that calls me a liar every chance they have! I couldn’t go to the police because he has money and could easily get away with it! I was so fucking alone until I met you and… You took his side”
Luke felt like his heart was taking a punch with every word that she said. Every tear that fell off her eyes was like a knife in the back. The guilt was eating him inside out, crashing into him like a tsunami. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, he shouldn’t have let his emotions take the reins, he should’ve... He felt all of his emotions turn to mush, all but shame as he stared into her eyes knowing he was the one who fucked up.
“Y/N-“
“I needed you last night when he cornered me. I needed you by my side as I broke down backstage because you weren’t answering your phone. How do you think I felt when I came into our room and found it empty? I was ready to tell you everything and then you just decided that wasn’t worth it anymore. That I wasn’t worthy anymore. All without giving me a chance” She cried, shattering sobs running through her body as she remembered the feeling of hopelessness she had “Not only that, but I come to find this on your side of the bed”
She threw his notebook at him, he didn’t need to open it to know what she read. Already regretting leaving it there.
“Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed
Don't know if you love me or you want me dead.
Some days, you're the best thing in my life
Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife
Then you turn into somebody I don't know
And you push me away
Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet
Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth
Late-night devil, put your hands on me
And never let go”
She recited the words by memory, having read them over and over again as she waited for him to come back.
“Is that really how you see me, Luke?” She asked, voice broken as she looked into his eyes.
Luke felt his body tremble with shame as he looked at her. He has never seen her look so sad and fragile before, the smile he loved so much was gone and he knew he might never see it again. He wanted to scream that that’s now how he saw her at all. Those words were written out of frustration, out of anger. He wanted to tell her that she’s the most amazing, loving, strong, intelligent person he know but... how could he even look her in the eyes?
He knew that he went too far. That he should’ve given her a chance to explain what happened instead of just letting the media fill his brain with lies; lies he believed without question because of his insecurities. He broke the strongest girl he’s ever known, but she was still standing.
Despite the hurt, he caused her, she was still standing in front of him. Demanding answers he doesn’t know how to give. Still being so much braver than him.
“Y/N, I-“ He began, voice breaking as he was left speechless. How could he ask for her forgiveness now that he broke every ounce of trust she held for him?
“Luke, I think you should leave,” She said, rounding her arms around her torso as she looked back at the window. Unable to hold her gaze to him any longer.
“No,” Luke begged of her. Pleaded, even “Y/N, baby don’t-“
“Leave” She repeated more firmly “If I’m such a monster, the best thing we can do is for you to go home”
She turned her back to him once again, and he knew that he had just lost the battle he was too scared to even fight.
Y/N cried silent tears as she heard him gather his belongings and pack his bags, feeling as if she might collapse into the floor if she weren’t holding herself too tightly. If she concentrated, she could hear him cry, too, until he closed the last of his bags and walked through the door.
Because, after all, he would still go to the ends of the world if she asked.
.
.
Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @girl-toxxic
172 notes
·
View notes
Blackpink reaction to their s/o being insecure because of shippers
Jisoo
Jisoo had noticed that something was bothering you for quite some time already. You didn’t speak up about your worries though and she didn’t want to pressure you into talking. Therefore, she kept quiet and simply opted to observe you in case your state would worsen. But overall, you seemed to be fine, so weeks passed without Jisoo ever figuring out what was wrong, and it took a stupid TV commercial to open her eyes.
The two of you were watching some TV when the teaser for the upcoming KBS Music Festival came on which caused Jisoo to chuckle.
“Great, now the shippers will go crazy again.”
She laughed amused, because the clip was cut very unfavorable and showed Jinyoung and her in the same scene.
Since they had been the special MCs for an award show together, countless dating rumors circulated, and a surprisingly high number of fans actually wanted to see them together. For Jisoo, this situation was really funny. She liked Jinyoung, he was a decent guy, but she couldn’t ever picture herself with him. Mostly, of course, because in her head, you were a fixed part of her future, but also because she didn’t think that Jinyoung and her were a good match. Therefore, she sometimes read all the weird conspiracy theories by the fans when she wanted to have a good laugh.
Apparently, however, you weren’t able to laugh about this situation. When Jisoo glanced at you, she could see that you were gulping thickly as if you were choking down some tears. Her demeanor immediately changed, and she reached out to grab your hand.
“What’s wrong, Y/N?”
She asked concerned, but you only shook your head in response.
It was clear to Jisoo though that something was bothering you. Intently, she thought about what could have caused your sudden mood change until the penny dropped at last.
“Jagiya, you’re not worried about Jinyoung and me, right?”
You stayed quiet for a while, confirming Jisoo’s assumption which made her feel guilty for not realizing it sooner.
“I’m not worried that you’ll cheat on me. But the rumors always remind me how much better than me you could do and that your fans would probably tear me apart if they knew that you are dating someone like me.”
Your words knocked the air out of Jisoo’s lungs, and she almost gasped in shock.
“What are you talking about? Please don’t say something like that ever again. You are the only one I want to be with and the only one that can make me happy.”
She stated clearly, wondering whether she hadn’t made her love for you obvious enough in the past.
“If you want to, I can talk with the management and ask whether they can make an official statement, denying the rumors.”
Jisoo wouldn’t let any possibility slide to make you realize that the rumors were absolutely ridiculous and that she didn’t want anyone else beside her but you. If those shippers were making you sad, she had to find a way to handle them.
Jennie
“What’s wrong, baby?”
Your question ripped Jennie from her train of thought, and she cursed herself inwardly for not being able to hide her emotions better.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
She smiled, hoping that you would believe her. It would be selfish of her to complain about a thing that she knew was making you insecure. Exes were a delicate topic in every relationship, but those conversations were even harder when there were thousands of people out there that still wanted to see you together with your ex.
“I can see that you’re lying, Jennie.”
You softened your voice and laid one hand on her thigh in order to catch her attention.
In defeat, Jennie sighed, but still avoided your gaze. She couldn’t make a scene now, but if she saw the concern in your eyes, she knew that she would probably break down.
“It’s nothing important; just the same old. Rumors have spread again about...Kai and me. Just because we’ve been spotted in the same part of the city on the same night.”
Only saying those words were making Jennie feel nauseous. They brought back the memories about all the hate that she had received during her dating scandal and now every ship with another idol that she was being associated with made her anxious.
“Oh.”
You answered simply, causing Jennie to feel guilty for bringing it up.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I swear, I would have never gone to that restaurant if I had known that he was in the area too.”
She immediately apologized, feeling tears starting to pool in her eyes.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jennie. None of that was your fault.”
You tried to flash her an encouraging smile, but Jennie could still see the insecurity in your eyes.
“I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of that because of me. If I could make it all stop, I would.”
She grabbed your hand and you squeezed hers tightly.
“It’s ok. I guess we both have to learn how to live with all those rumors.”
You sighed while smiling sadly.
Jennie wished that there was a way to stop people from stirring up both of your insecurities over and over again, but there was none. The only thing you could do was to try giving each other strength. Therefore, Jennie pulled you into a hug while apologizing once more for causing all that trouble.
Chaeyoung
New dream couple? 10 reasons why BTS’ Jungkook and Blackpink’s Rosé are a perfect match
When Chaeyoung read the headline of the newest article on one of South Korea’s most popular news pages, she rolled her eyes. For some reason, there seemed to be an army of shippers out there that wanted to see her and Jungkook together and were analyzing every little “interaction” of theirs to the smallest detail. In the beginning, she had ignored them, because there were a million rumors about her going around and she couldn’t pay attention to all of them. But when the voices of the people claiming that they were dating got louder and louder, she began to be bothered. Not because of herself, but because of you.
It was obvious that you were starting to feel insecure, because of the countless fans and reporters that were claiming that Jungkook and her were the perfect match. This article would only rub salt into your wound once more, causing Chaeyoung to feel endlessly guilty. Therefore, she immediately rushed home after work with your favorite takeout and some flowers in her arms.
“Hey baby.”
She greeted you happily right when she entered the apartment before snuggling up to you, causing you to chuckle.
“Hi to you too. What have I done to deserve all this love?”
You joked, but Chaeyoung just played it off.
“I love you and only you. That’s all.”
She smiled, but in that moment, you seemed to have realized what all of this was about.
“So this is about the article...”
Your expression changed immediately, and instead of your cute smile, a heavy frown was decorating your face now.
“I’m so sorry about that, Y/N. I don’t know where that is coming from again. I swear, I haven’t done anything. You are the only one for me. I would never do anything to fire up those ridiculous rumors. Please don’t worry about them.”
Chaeyoung started rambling, but she simply needed to make sure that you weren’t feeling upset. She knew where those insecurities of yours were coming from and they were absolutely valid, but she still wanted to free you of them; not only now, but sustainably.
Therefore, Chaeyoung started to be even more careful in the future. Not that she would have done anything to encourage the rumors in the past, but now she was paying even more attention to everything she was saying or doing. At award shows, for example, she always made sure to stand as far away from BTS as possible, so that there was not a single picture released that showed Jungkook and her in the same frame. In return, however, that lead to a number of opposing headlines.
All about the breakup of Jungkook and Rosé
Why do BTS and Blackpink hate each other?
Chaeyoung couldn’t care less about those articles though. As long as they helped to ease your insecurities, she would bare the hate.
Lalisa
“Which one sounds better, babe? LaBam or BamLisa?”
Lisa laughed while reading the newest articles about another addition to her countless ships; with her best friend BamBam. It was really amusing to her to watch all those fans colleting evidence to prove her relationship with the other Thai idol. Although she had to admit that if she wouldn’t know better, she might have believed those rumors too. Their stories sounded pretty conclusive sometimes.
“I didn’t even notice that I was looking at him!”
Lisa gasped before giggling when she looked at another Twitter post that made it look like she was looking at her friend in awe.
Her amusement soon died down, however, when Lisa realized that she wasn’t hearing any laughter from you. Confused, she averted her gaze from her phone to pay attention to you. You were staring ahead while the glistening in your eyes almost made it seem like you were about to cry.
“Y/N?”
Lisa called out your name in order to shake you from your trance.
“You would make a cute couple, wouldn’t you?”
You smiled, but the sadness in your eyes was giving away that you weren’t joking.
“What?”
Lisa asked perplexed, being caught off guard by your insecurities. She had never known that you were thinking about such things. The two of you were so happy together and Lisa had never even thought about dating BamBam.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Look, Leo is climbing up the curtain!”
Quickly, you tried to play off your statement by drawing attention to the cats, but while Lisa had to rush off to save her curtains, your question was still stuck in her brain.
This didn’t come from nowhere; you must have been seriously insecure all this time. A massive wave of guilt immediately washed over Lisa and she knew that she had to make it up to you. Therefore, she got off work early the next day in order to spoil you and treat you to a nice, homecooked dinner later that night. It took her several hours and some tries to get it right, but in the end, she managed to make some dishes that were actually enjoyable, and everything was ready for you when you came home.
“What is this??”
You gasped astonished and Lisa immediately wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you into the apartment.
“A token of my love and a thank you for always being by my side. I wouldn’t want to conquer this crazy world with anyone else.”
Lisa smiled, causing you to blush cutely.
It seemed like she had to surprise you more often from now on.
273 notes
·
View notes
I have seen a comment on YouTube about saying that Yana hasn't confirmed about the Twst boy's sexuality and this just give me a facepalm.
I really wanted to get this off my chest right now, having to deal with many misconceptions and instigating the idea of the boys being explicitly gay in a game that doesn't have romance as a subplot is just infuriating.
First things first just because Yana Toboso did once made a BL manga in the past, doesn't mean it's the only genre she can do. Mangakas are free to create any manga in any genre however they want, it's honestly insulting in my opinion that a Mangaka had to be labelled into one genre and can't have creativity to make a different one. It's like saying a comedian can't play a serious role in a movie. I'm not saying to disregard the gay shipping or self insert shipping, I'm just saying that people can't assume what they believe and instigating it to be canon.
Second, being a Joseimuke game, they meant to give off Otome and BL undertones just for the sake of fanservice and tons of money money money cause we all know it's Disney. Everyone can freely play the game, yet Twst is often mistakenly labelled to be a dating sim or a BL sim like they have forgotten that it's still a Disney game and Disney wouldn't do something like this unless they intentionally do so. The fans should be lucky because it's branch is in Japan, Disney JPN has the freedom to give out subtle straight or queer romance as part of an entertainment however they want.
What makes you think why when Twst gets an English release, they deleted every gay moments between the boys? Simple, they have full rights to the game cause Disney Japan is still a branch of Disney no matter how different they are in terms of business.
Yana Toboso was chosen to take part in the creation of Twst as the director, illustrator and writer, but in the end Disney still has rights to this game. They can do whatever they want with it. Yana Toboso was only doing her part in the game but she has no full rights into it cause she was chosen by the company to make it happen, that's the reality. Even in the production of the game, Yana still have to send her works to the official company fully translated to get confirmation before proceeding. Heck, she has no idea Disney was planning to make Twst an anime.
I just can't believe the fandom can make a simple yet enjoyable game like Twst this complicated. I'm already giving up being in this fandom TBH. I cannot even enjoy the game or watching it on YouTube without having to see unnecessary chat wars between toxic fans. This is like Encanto over and over again. There's even a twitter post on how the fans hated the ENG Twst and wanted it to get cancelled for stupid reasons.
———
tbh anon you pointed out exactly why i think it’s dumb for the fandom to be blaming yana for any problems in the game (minus the poor en tl bc it just butchered the lines to cater to a younger audience with the slang and whatnot, and so that the parents won’t oppose by removing certain lines but anyways)
people blame yana bc she’s the main writer and the person who designed the characters, her name is on the project, so if there’s anything they don’t like, she’s the easiest to blame. i think people forget that disney is ultimately the one with all the rights to the game, and we don’t know exactly how much influence yana has over twst despite being the main writer considering disney
They didn’t delete every gay moment i think, it was really the one joke Cater made about dating Vil, bc Disney hates minorities like that lol, but i’ve seen some people think the homoromantic subtext between some characters has gotten stronger bc of how their lines were tl’ed. You can argue Ace’s ex-gf mentioned in ghost marriage confirms he’s attracted to women, but who you date isn’t necessarily an indicator of your sexuality so-
i think it’s the fandom projecting too much onto the game, some to a really unhealthy extent. they expect the game to live up to their own expectations of what it’s supposed to be, and then be disappointed when it turns out to be a simple joseimuke game designed to milk money like every other game of the same genre.
3 notes
·
View notes
Shattered Glass (Malcolm Bright/Whitly x gn!reader)
A/n: This story is inspired by two things; a two-part series by @wreckofawriter and also my experience with family . If you want me to remove it (wreckofawriter) then I will, but I don’t mean to copy your amazing work.
Warnings: Angst to fluff, Malcolm trying his best (not really a warning but that needed to be put out there, HE ONLY TRIES HIS BEST), also talk about poor mental health! (Such as Anxiety, description of an anxiety attack (this is based off MY experiences I’m not trying to generalize them!) and slight depression)
Don’t read if you’re not done season one! All spoilers are under the cut just in case (Eve is mentioned, iykyk)
Summary: You and Malcolm have been dating for a few years now, you share with him all of your sides- or so he thought. How will he react when he sees you crying when you think he can’t see you? How will he feel when he realizes that you guys are more alike than he originally expected?
Y/s/n = Your Siblings Name
Y/m/n = Your Mothers Name
y/n = your name (just in case this is your first fic)
Words: Just over 3,000 (😅😅)
I was listening to this song as I was writing this: If the World Was Ending- JP Saxe, Julia MIchaels
You always knew that Malcolm could see the real you better than anyone else, he could see straight through your facial expressions and little habits. It was his job after all as a profiler, he couldn’t just turn it off when he was with you and that was understood between the two of you. The last thing you wanted was for him to change in a world that treated him differently already (no thanks to his father).
But there was one part of you that you tried to keep from Malcolm at all costs, and that was your family.
It wasn’t because you didn’t trust him with that knowledge, but it was just a side of you that you’ve never been able to let anyone see. To see how hurt you were by their words, how little you were respected by them, how small you felt anytime you tried to be yourself around them. You couldn’t tell him any of it, you hoped that he would believe your lies, cause you knew that his family was way worse than yours; so you just kept it all inside for no one except yourself to see. The last thing you wanted was for him to feel guilty for confiding in you after all these years.
You felt him nudge your shoulder, which brought you back to reality. You were a Reporter, and a very god one depending on who you asked, and Malcolm needed you to help him drag out a killer for a case. He was profiled as overly confident and a borderline narcissist, so Malcolm was certain that if you talked about him on the news, saying that they had him in custody that he would contact either you or the station to say you had a fraud. Malcolm was going to be by your side the entire time, just to make sure they wouldn’t go after the most important person in his life-,not again; he wouldn’t know what he would do if you were taken away from him like Eve. He would do anything in his power to make sure that he wouldn’t go after you, since you matched most of his previous victims.
“You alright?” He looked at you slightly worried, he was always concerned when you got too deep into that head of yours, he wasn’t sure what caused you to be constantly thinking that you’re not good enough, but he wasn’t going to press the matter. He rubbed your thigh as he sat next to you, to keep you grounded.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like I’m about to be indirectly talking to a serial killer on live television, and possibly get a target on my back for doing so.” You nervously laughed as you looked down at your feet, your leg bouncing up and down to the rhythm of your rapidly beating heart.
“You don’t need to do this; you know that right?” He placed his hand on your cheek, caressing the side of your face with his thumb repeating the motion to calm your nerves. “I can ask Ainsley; she’s done this before-”
“Malcolm, I’ll be alright. I always am.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile; you knew it wasn’t very convincing but that’s all you could muster up at the moment.
He wasn’t convinced, you could tell since he gave you his doubtful that he’s given you on more than one occasion but he was cut off by another voice before he could call you out on it.
“C’mon Bright, they’re about to go live.” Gill said as he lightly grabbed his arm to get him out of the shot, and he complied.
“Live in 3,2,1...” You were given the cue as you took a deep breath and put your ‘TV face’ on as you liked to call it. “Breaking news tonight, the NYPD have confirmed that they have someone in custody who’s been known to the public as The angel of death, nothing has been said by police if this truly is their killer but after the past week of The angel of death terrorizing the city, police are led to believe that this is him.”
You took a pause to make it look like you were listening to someone through your earpiece, that was intentionally visible to the camera, then carried on with the broadcast.
“I’ve just gotten a confirmation from our sources that it has been officially confirmed that they have The angel of death himself in custody and will be setting a court date to be announced later. Now back to Ryan with politics.”
The second you heard the ring that signaled you were no longer on air, you slumped over in relaxation. You crossed your arms on the table in front of you and leaned your head, that now felt lighter than air, on top.
“You did amazing darling, that should get the killers attention for certain.” He said to you as the sound of his shoes got closer to the desk the kissed the top of your head and slowly rubbed your back to release more tension that he knew you were holding.
“I didn’t really- “You tried to correct him as you lifted your head, but Malcolm refused to let you get close to finishing that sentence of yours.
“Nope- you just brought us our killer baby; you did a hell of a lot more than most would’ve in your shoes.” You loved how he was always able to reassure you, and how he did it without a second beat.
You turned to look up at your loving and supportive boyfriend in admiration and a warm smile slowly painting your features, “Whatever I did in a past life was so worth it.”
“What?” He slightly laughed at your statement, looking at you now with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.
“To deserve someone like you and be lucky to call them mine.” You stood up from your chair and moved closer to him to close the distance between his lips and yours, you could taste the slight cherry flavor of the candy you knew he had earlier. As you two break apart, you can still taste it on your own lips.
Unfortunately, this moment doesn’t last as long as you two wanted it to, because both of your phones go off. His from an unknown caller, and yet yours is somehow worse.
You look down to your phone saying Mom, you sighed at this and then looked at Malcolm, or where he was, already on his phone, most likely talking to the killer himself next to Dani, Giles and JT.
You excused yourself to another room for some privacy that you knew you were going to need. You were only halfway to the quiet room when you answered your phone; you knew that was going to be a bad idea.
“Why in the hell did you think that was a good idea y/n?!”
You sighed and with a tight-lipped smile replied with, “Hello to you too mom, haven’t heard from you in a while.” You then slowly closed the door behind you.
“Don’t give me that lip! I am your mother, I deserved to be treated with respect! I never get this from y/s/n.”
You dropped your head down in defeat, you always considered the problem child, ever since your sibling came into the picture. Before that everything was relatively fine, but you never blamed y/s/n though; it’s not their fault your parents decided that you could fend for yourself at the age of 8.
“Yeah I know, but it was for a case- “Once again, she decided to cut you off.
“A CASE?” she shrieked into the phone, making you pull the device away from your ear.
“Yes- “
“Now I knew were selfish, but I never thought it was this bad. I could tell that it was staged, are you seriously putting yourself in danger so they could contact you for some ink?”
You were absolutely shocked by her words; she thought that you risking your life was selfish? So, you could save others, that made you selfish? You felt the pressure of tears build up as a sickening pit was building in your stomach; she always knew the words to say and never in the good way. “No, that’s not- “
“No, I get it, you’re too damn stupid to see past your own needs. I have no clue where I went wrong with you.”
The minute you heard that, you hung up the phone. You couldn’t care less about what she would’ve said after that.
You hit your back on the wall as you slowly walked backwards and slid down to the floor. You pulled your knees up to your chest and placed your head down.
You must’ve been sitting there for a while as there was a rough knocking behind your back, on the door. ‘They must’ve been knocking for a while’ you thought.
“Y/n! Are you in there?” Malcolm. You must’ve scared him to death, without even thinking you stand up and open the door for him.
Behind the door was Gil, JT and Dani accompanying Malcolm. “Shit guys, sorry if I scared you.” You laughed humorlessly but stopped once you saw all their concerned faces.
“Y/n, you alright?” Gil asked, who was more of a parental figure than your own, but you couldn’t ever tell him that. Not because you were scared it would go to his head, no, he wasn’t like that. You just didn’t want it to become awkward since he already needed to worry about Malcolm, you didn’t need him to constantly worry about you on top of it.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You said then realized you still had massive tear stains on your cheeks and puffy eyes from your previous phone call, you forgot to wipe them away before you opened the door.
‘Dammit y/n’ you scolded yourself for making the four of them all worry.
“Um you got somethin’ right,” JT then motioned to his whole face, Dani then elbowed him in the side for his unhelpful comment.
“Oh!” You wiped the sides of your face, “I’m fine guys, just got something in my eye.” You smiled at all of them.
Your head then turned to Malcolm, who squinted his eyes at you. You could tell didn’t believe you at all; he knew all your tells. You could tell that he was going to ask later, but you were sure as hell going to avoid it if you could.
Unable to deal with the silence anymore, you pushed by all of them, apologizing as you went, and walked out to your car. You were done for the day anyways, so you wanted to go home to Malcolm and yours’ apartment.
~
Once you got through the door, you let the dam in your mind open. The flood gate of tears rushed, and there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it; not that you really wanted to anyways. Your hands shook from the rush of emotions going through you, but you forced down the inevitable panic attack until you got to the couch. Your hands continued to uncontrollably shake, and you curled up in a fetal position with your favorite blanket wrapped around you like a tight hug. The words of your mother echoed throughout your fogged mind.
“I knew were selfish… you’re too damn stupid to see past your own needs…”
It just wouldn’t stop. It was like a massive wave going over a surfer; nothing could be done about it, you just needed to ride it out.
You heard a muffled noise coming from behind you but being so caught up and immobilized in your thoughts, nothing could’ve dragged you out of this one, not this time.
A pair of arms grabbed your shoulders, and there was enough fight left in you to push them away and run into the corner of the apartment. You could slightly see a male figure coming near you, and all you were capable of doing was whimpering and curling up in what you had deemed your safety blanket.
“Y/n… talk to me… happened at… were worried…”
You tried to make out the familiar voice- Malcolm; that’s the only person it could be right? It didn’t matter to you right now; the voice of your mother was stronger than your own thoughts, it always had been.
You felt a thud right next to you, and smelt the subtle sent of his cologne, it brought you back to your senses slightly, but not enough to stop your uncontrollable shaking and tears. He nudged himself closer to your body, and you instinctively laid your head on his shoulder. You could feel yourself calm down, but you knew it was because he was here. Yes, he was helping you ground yourself through the small gesture, but it was mainly that you were embarrassed of him seeing you like this and could feel your body force away the attack.
As you begun to trust yourself to speak, you turned slightly towards Malcolm, a numb look coated your features. “Sorry you had to see that; you shouldn’t have had to.” You spoke meekly, looking down at your still slightly shaky hands in your lap.
“Y/n, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
It was once he said that sentence that you knew you needed to come clean about the one secret that you had left from him.
“But I do, I’ve been selfish.”
“How darling?” He said while slowly petting your head, the way you’d comfort a child.
“I didn’t want to tell you, cause you already had so much on your plate, with this case, your family, and I- I just didn’t want to add my family on top of it.” He understood that this must’ve been eating at you for a while, because you normally bottled all your feelings until it broke; unfortunately, that’s why you both got along so well. He never wanted you to feel like that was necessary when you were with him, but how do you bring that kind of thing up?
“What about your family?” he spoke softly. You never spoke about them, hell he’s never even met them but now he felt deep down that he was about to find out why.
“Am I selfish to you? Am I someone you really see yourself with in the long run?” Tears begun to fill your eyes again, and a crack in your voice was evident to Malcolm that you believed in what you were saying about yourself.
He felt a pang of sadness for you in his chest, that was quickly turning to anger at whoever made you feel like you were any less than worth the universe. He composed himself before he responded to your question.
“Far from it, you are the most selfless human being I’ve ever met. There’s now way that a selfish person would’ve done what you did today; going in front of thousands of people and calling out a killer like that, like a badass.” He nudged your shoulder, where he got a slight giggle out of you. It wasn’t a lot, but it was better than nothing.
“And absolutely can I see you with me later on,” He took a deep breath before he continued his statement. “I love you y/n, and if I ever lost you… I don’t even want to think of who I would become. You’re the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.”
You immediately rushed into his arms and embraced him so tightly, afraid that this was all some massive cruel dream, and you’d wake up another day without him knowing. You stayed like this for a moment before Malcolm piped up,
“So, you wanna tell me why the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth is currently crying on our apartment floor at nearly 9 pm?”
You both chuckled at this, as you unwrapped yourself from his arms to look him in his beautiful blue eyes. His eyes were still filled with an underlying anger, but mainly held concern towards you.
“You know when we were at the news station today? And you got a call from the killer?” He nodded, encouraging you to continue.
“Well I also got a call, but it was from my mother. We got into an argument, since she saw the broadcast, and words were said.” You knew that the fine details were going to be said eventually, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it.
“And, what did she say baby?” He answered in a voice that was barely even a whisper, he looked you up and down; most likely looking at your body language to see if you were going to try and lie, but he could tell that you were going to be honest.
“That I was selfish, dumb, questioning where she went wrong with me.” You sniffled and looked to your hands, terrified to see Malcolm’s reaction. Not because he might yell at you, but at what he might do to your mother now that this was his first impression of her.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Was all he said after some silence.
“You have your own family shit to deal with, I didn’t feel like it was fair on you to dump mine on top of it. I didn’t want you to lose anymore sleep than you already do over something that I need to deal with.”
“…”
“Malcolm? You’re scaring me.” You looked up at him to see him looking out the window, his face glowing from all the nightlife neon lights across the street; he looked so angelic, more than he normally did.
“How didn’t I see this any sooner? I don’t care that you didn’t tell me y/n, I don’t care that your family is screwed up as well. I do care about the fact that I couldn’t help you through it.”
“But Malcolm it wasn’t your fight-” you tried to defend your reasoning, but alas he needed to correct you once more before the night was through.
“You’re right; it’s our fight. To hell with our parents, we’re not our parents; we are our own people. So, from this moment on, I promise to be completely transparent with my baggage as long as you are with me. We can break our constantly bottled-up feelings together.” He gently picked up your hand and laid a kiss on top.
“turn them into shattered glass.” You nodded as you spoke, a smile slowly coming back to your face.
“Just like shattered glass.” He nodded back, returning your smile.
And just like that, the two of you sat down on the couch, cuddling and watching movies as dusk carried on into dawn.
A/n: I hope you guys liked this, I always loved Malcolm’s character and Prodigal son, and with my life being slightly hectic at the moment this was a nice change of pace. Hope you have an amazing day or night, depending on where you are! 💙
-Kate
166 notes
·
View notes
Gundham angst. You’re in FF & he’s in UD you two dated before but he went missing (Not knowing he was in UD) as FF you were sent to retrieve him not know it was Gundham. When you see him and his animals you trying to him, but he doesn’t talk or speak. You able to get to him & touch his face. You tell him how much you miss him, the Devas miss them (you have them) & how much you love him. His giant snake attacks your shoulder & your scream causes him to snap out of his trance. Happy end please
Fuck YES! I’ve been wanting to do something with Remnant Gundham for a while! Thanks for giving me the chance!
Reunited with Despair-Gundham Tanaka x Reader
You walked down the halls of the Future Foundation. You had been called to one of the meeting rooms for some reason. You weren’t quite sure why, but you assumed it was for a briefing about the situation on the outside world. You frowned as you thought about it. It still seemed so surreal to you. The whole world just...tearing itself apart?
You shivered as you reached the room you were told to go to. You looked into the door window as you placed your hand an the door handle, and were a bit surprised to only see Makoto, Kyoko, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, Aoi, and Toko in the room, the survivors of Junko’s sick killing game. You furrowed your brow at not seeing any higher level Future Foundation officials and opened the door.
The six looked up as you entered the room. Toko glared at you. “F-f-finally you g-get here.” She muttered.
You smiled and chuckled awkwardly. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to be late...”
“You aren’t late. Don’t worry, Y/N.” Makoto assured you, giving you a kind smile.
You gave him a grateful look as you sat across from him. “I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to only see the six of you. I thought this was a meeting about the outside world’s condition.”
“Nah, this isn’t about somethin’ like that.” Hiro told you, digging in his ear. “This is about mission assignments! We’ve all been given ours and were told to give you yours.”
You tilted your head. “Mission assignments?” You repeated.
Kyoko nodded. “Correct. The Future Foundation has given us each a job to complete. Yours is to retrieve what we believe to be one of the Remnants of Despair.”
Your eyes widened. “Wh...what?! You’re asking me to go capture one of the Remnants by myself?!”
“Of course not.” Byakuya responded, rolling his eyes. “Doing something like that would be suicide, especially for one such as yourself.” He slid something over to you. As you picked it up and examined it, you realized it to be a pager of some kind. “When you locate the target, simply press the button and a fleet of Future Foundation members will come to your aid.” The Togami heir explained.
“You’re basically like a scout!” Hina told you, giving you a bright smile. “You’re just going to scope the area out and let the professionals know where the Remnant is!”
You nodded, relaxing slightly. “R-right. Yeah, that makes sense.” You looked up to them. “When do I leave?”
~~~
You walked along the streets, clutching the megaphone you had been given as protection in case a Monokuma came to attack you. You looked down at the GPS you had that was leading you to the last sighting of the Remnant of Despair.
You furrowed your brow as you thought about the Remnants. You had no idea who they were. You were rescued fairly early on by the Future Foundation. On the day of the Tragedy, you had been extremely sick and unable to go to school, so you had gone to the doctor’s. As you left, you were attacked by a rioter and gravelly injured. You were thankfully rescued by the Future Foundation, and after you healed you were recruited.
That had actually been fairly recently, and no one had yet filled you in on who the Remnants were. “You think that’d be useful information if I’m supposed to retrieve one.” You muttered. “What the hell does ‘You’ll know when you see them’ even mean?” You sighed as you continued following the signal. All you knew was that they were dangerous, and part of the reason the world was the way it was.
The more you thought about it the more you began to worry. What if you couldn’t press the button in time? You’ve heard about all the damage the Remnants have done. What if they got to you and-
The GPS beeped, jolting you out of your thoughts. You looked down and saw that you had arrived. You looked around anxiously and frowned. You didn’t see anything. As you cautiously walked down the street and looked for anything and anyone, you felt something move inside your purse. Looking down, you saw a furry little head pop out.
You smiled. “Hey, Cham-P.” You said softly, petting the hamster with your finger, “You need to stay put, buddy. These streets are really dangerous. We’ll be back at HQ soon.” You tried to gently push the hamster back into your purse, but with a sniff in the air, the large fur ball hopped out and began to scurry across the pavement.
Your eyes widened and you quickly ran after him. “Cham-P!” You exclaimed as you followed the small creature down the sidewalk. “Wait! Come back! You’ll get-” You cut yourself off when you turned a corner. There, sitting in the middle of the road surrounded by an assortment of animals, was someone you didn’t think you’d ever see again.
“G...Gundham Tanaka?”
His head lifted slightly at your quiet whisper of his name, but he made no other sign of acknowledgment. He...didn’t look like you remembered. He still had his iconic purple scarf and strange hairdo you loved so much. But, instead of his normal black coat, he had a fluffy white hood around his head, and what appeared to be a black...straightjacket? Not to mention he had a new scar on the right side of his mouth, and a strange mark on his forehead.
Was this...was this really your missing boyfriend?
Cham-P had stopped a good distance from the strange sight. He was staring straight at the center of it all, and it only confirmed your suspicions. That really was Gundham. And then you realized.
He was a Remnant of Despair.
You were here to capture him.
You felt like you were about to cry. He glanced at the pager in your hand, then over at Gundham. Biting your lip, you placed the pager into your purse. You walked closer to the circle of animals, scooping up the Dark Deva as you did so.
“Gundham?” You called his name again. He didn’t move, only continued to stare at the ground. You glanced at the animals worriedly. Many of them were large ones like elephants, gorillas, even lions. You took slow steps towards your former love, keeping an eye on the guards around him. They watched you closely, and the lions snarled, but none made a move to harm you.
Letting out a sigh of relief, you continued to Gundham, now only a few feet from him. “Gundham, do you hear me?” You asked. “I-it’s me, Y/N.” He lifted his head up and opened his eyes. The two of you kept contact for a while until he closed his eyes once more. You felt your heart break.
“P-please, Gundham.” You shakily walked closer to him. “You don’t know how hard it’s been without you. I-I had no idea what happened to you. I thought you were out there, barely surviving, or worse you’d been killed!” You felt the tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you got within arms length from the man. “I never stopped thinking about you. I-I missed you s-so much, Gundham.” You looked down to your purse and held out your hands. Four little critters crawled out and looked sadly at the man before them. “We all have.”
The Remnant opened his eyes again at that, and when he spotted the hamsters, you swear you saw a spark of light in his eyes. “I’ve been keeping good care of them, Gundham.” You assured him as you placed them back in your purse. You looked up into his eyes sadly. “But I’m no Ultimate Breeder.” You gave a sad smile. “I...I love you so much, Gundham. God, I love you. I’m so happy to see you, b-but at the same time it hurts so much. It hurts seeing you like this.”
You slowly reached a shaking hand out towards him, half expecting him to stop you. But he didn’t. He simply kept eye contact as you slowly caressed his cheek. You sniffed as the tears finally began to fall. “Oh Gundham. You don’t know....You don’t know how badly I’ve missed holding you. I’ve missed you so much, my love.”
You knew what you had to do. You had to alert the Future Foundation of Gundham’s whereabouts. But you also knew what they wanted to do with the Remnants. They wanted to kill them.
You couldn’t allow that, no matter what he had done.
“I can’t lose you.” You muttered. “I thought I had already, but now that I know you’re actually alive...” You clenched your fists, and before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around his shoulders in an embrace.
And almost immediately you were forced back, letting out a cry of agony.
There was a searing pain in your shoulder as you fell onto your back. As you looked over, tears stinging your eyes, you noticed an extremely large snake latched onto you. It soon began to curl itself around you, constricting you. You tried to get out of it’s grasp, but each move you made only made it hurt more.
You glanced back over to Gundham, about to beg for help, and were surprised to see he was standing. He glared at the snake that was slowly cutting off your air supply. “Arbo-K!” He spoke for the first time since you found him, and his voice boomed all around the deserted street. “Release her at once!”
The snake stopped what it was doing, and after a few moments of not moving, it slowly uncoiled from around you and unsheathed it’s fangs from your shoulder. You began gasping in air and clutching the wound. You looked to Gundham as the snake slithered behind him.
The Remnant began to slowly walk over to you. You looked up to him with frightened eyes. You loved this man with all your heart, but you didn’t know what he was capable of doing anymore.
He stopped in front of you, simply looking down at you for a few moments. And then he extended a hand. You looked at it warily before slowly accepting it. He pulled you to your feet, and when you were standing, you locked eyes with you. “Y/N?” He spoke, his voice gravely and low. “Is...is it truly you?”
You felt a spark of hope in your heart, and you nodded. “Yes! Yes, it’s me, Gundham!” You confirmed, barely stopping yourself from throwing your arms around him again.
The man looked you up and down, examining your uniform. “You...you belong to the Future Foundation.” He stated, his gaze returning to your face.
You nodded, your face turning to a frown. “Yes...and you belong to the Remnants of Despair.”
He nodded as we, sadly examining himself. “It appears I do. However...” He takes your hand in his. “I...I wish to be wherever you are.” Your heart did a thousand happy flips. “You do not understand the despair it brought not knowing your location nor your condition.” He looked to the ground. “In my state of mind, it is one of the reasons I did not search for you. Imagining you dead brought so much despair that my warped mind did not want to ruin that.”
You felt tears threatening to fall once more. “It hurt me too, Gundham.” You told him. “I wanted to know you were alright. I wanted to hold you, kiss you, to tell you how much I loved you. But...I thought you were dead. I never would have thought you had become....this.”
Your boyfriend sighed. “Unfortunately I fell to Junko’s manipulation.” He looked at your uniform again. “...I assume you were sent here to retrieve me, were you not.”
You bit your lip, then nodded slowly. “Y-yes...” You confirmed. “But...but they want to kill you, a-and I can’t let them do that. I won’t let them do that! I-I’ll tell them you’re better! T-that you snapped out of it, t-that-”
Gundham silenced your worried ramblings with a kiss. He pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you and trapping you against him. You closed your eyes and placed your hands on his chest, enjoying what you had missed for so long.
When he finally pulled away, he looked at you, a soft smile on his lips. “Do not fret, my dark queen.” He spoke softly, running his fingers through your hair. “I am sure we will be able to work everything out.”
You smiled lovingly up at him. “You’re right, Gundham. Together we can do anything.”
You’re boyfriend chuckled. “Of course we can.” He held your hand gently and began to lead you away. “Now come. Before you alert your organization, let me tend to your wound.”
You nodded as your smile widened. You followed behind your once lost love, the happiest you had been in a very long time.
143 notes
·
View notes
Fan pages needs to stop posting those pics as couple goals and omg look they are so cute and only posting the pics from the side or the back. Colson straight up looks miserable, there is literally no denying that, I love him but he looks horrible. People are saying that’s what we are jelouse of?? I mean if he looked like that from far away image how bad he looked from up close. Someone said what if he’s looking miserable on purpose? Then that would make absolute no sense. Articles saying they want to blend families and are they the happiest people ever, public pda, constant date pap walks, then even marriage talk and then the only time they do a family pap walk Colson looks absolutely miserable. And notice Megan made a big deal on the kelly clarkson show about wanting to go back to the universal and how good of a mom she is and then boom that weekend she does a pap walk with her kids and Colson at universal? It’s not a coincidence. Every little thing in this relationship is so staged it can’t even go to the next level the right way. For example the article about Colson wanting to marry Megan as soon as possible, what if Colson and Megan never actually had that talk and their teams just said that to get attention and now it adds unnecessary pressure especially on Colson about marriage, Colson being the happiest he has ever been when in fact he has said several times he isint happy at all and now it’s unnecessary pressure to act like the happy couple for everyone like this whole thing neither of them could actually move to the next stage in the relationship bc the only next stage now is actual marriage and their teams made sure that was the only move they could do. I mean several articles saying how good Colson is with Megan’s kids but we are just now starting to see him around her kids and notice casie is never with them? Casie has been papped with her dad several times just out getting food so why hasint she been papped out getting food with Colson and Megan at least doesint even have to be with her kids just with Megan too? The only time we see her with Megan is when several people are with them and they arint ever interacting
When Megan announced on the Kelly Clarkson show how she couldn’t wait to go to Universal studios with her kids (to present herself as a caring mum) and followed that up by actually going there with them and Kells a couple of days later, I already took it as a pre-planned afternoon for publicity. But I wasn’t expecting her to seriously also hire a paparazzi to really make sure that the public knew where she was and with who lmao! But thanks for the confirmation that this was just another publicity day! This isn’t convincing anyone of being a caring and loving mum tho, because if she had cared about her children and put their well being and privacy first, above her ego and need for attention, she wouldn’t have invited a paparazzi to their family day and made her kids go through that experience in the first place. Although she has already done that multiple times in the past when she ran some errands with them and therefore they might already be used to it, it doesn’t make it any less wrong. Her priority and main focus wasn’t on spending a nice afternoon with her kids and Kells, it was on proving to the public what an amazing blended family they are and how she’s definitely involved as a mum despite people saying something differently. It was literally a business day for her in the name of damage control. At least the kids looked like they had fun tho and since they’re still little I doubt they understand what’s going on and what mommy is using them for. Maybe if she hadn’t talked about it on the Kelly Clarkson show it would have been less obvious, but now she only exposed her own intentions even more. She definitely isn’t winning any plus points by acting like that and how stupid of her to previously complain about Brian using the kids and their photos to appear like a dotting dad, to only do the exact same thing by hiring a paparazzi to a “private” family day with her kids and allowing the tabloids to release pictures of them to appear like a dotting mum so she can get her headline. She isn’t an ounce better than Brian. I guess desperate times call for desperate actions! Megan probably thought that this was the best way to prove people wrong and show them how amazing they all get along, but all she did was prove them what a clout chaser she is and how even Kells seems to be done with playing happy patchwork family with her. He looked so pissed in some pictures and annoyed, I fully believe that he didn’t want to be there at all. He looked like someone gave him a job, he showed up, followed the stage directions (holding kids hands, holding Megan’s hand, let yourself be photographed) to sell the public the narrative that Megan wanted, but that was all that he was willing to do. He literally looked like he couldn’t believe that he had to do this again with Megan and that she again called the paparazzi and he as her official boyfriend had to play happy family again with her. He would never be mean to her kids or ignore them, but he still seemed mentally and emotional checked out that day and like he couldn’t have cared less about trying to appear involved and interested in any of it (see even picture below). He looks more tired and drained than ever and I can’t imagine that with every staged paparazzi moment Megan organizes he isn’t losing a bit of respecting for her too. While Megan seems to love all of this and she’s only starting, Kells seems like he’s ready to end it all, because he can’t do it anymore. I’m telling you this relationship is dead and over and the only reason why they’re still “together” is because of publicity that both of them can use and because they’re dragging out the inevitable break up that is coming. I haven’t posted about it yet, but some of you might have seen that psychic tarot reading from antphrodite about them and he’s one of the few who I actually consider to be pretty accurate and in his reading he said that Megan is acting like she doesn’t want to settle down like Kells, who still wants to have his fun, although that isn’t true and she does want to settle down. Now look at the pictures from
yesterday and doesn’t that give you the same impression? Megan trying hard to turn Kells into a stepdad of three and almost forcing that family thing on him (like all the sources talking about how Kells couldn’t wait to marry her and for Megan to have his babies every single month which I still believe came from Megan’s team to push that narrative to the public and ease Kells into the idea of proposing to her) while Kells looks like reality hit him now and he absolutely isn’t ready to becoming one big family with Megan and her three little children and the more this is pushed onto him, the more he just wants to get away from it. He did look horrible and miserable and almost every comment under the DailyMail article had the same thought that he’s only interested in fucking dating Megan, but he isn’t ready to sign up for her children and that family life too. Speaking of DailyMail, did anyone else notice that although this was clearly Megan’s publicity move for damage control, the headline focused for once on Kells and mentioned him first and made it seem like he was the main person when usually it’s always Megan who is mentioned first? :D I take that as a failed attempt to make it less obvious that this was Megan’s publicity plan by taking away the attention from her being the driving force behind this. Like the first anon above wrote everything they do is so pre-planned, staged and orchestrated, their relationship looks more like a business following a check list with things couples do than a real relationship that focuses on real experiences and emotions. For the anon who is confused, yes even PR couples would include children, get married and introduce the rest of the family. I know it’s mind blowing because of how fake it is but that’s also why Hollywood is super fake and there aren’t a lot of real and authentic people anymore. I’m going back and forth between fully PR and real, but immediately used and sold for publicity and exposure to benefit their careers a week before the BV music video came out and that was like a month or two after they had met each other, so not a lot of time to build anything real between them without the aspect of publicity, especially since during half of that time Sommer was still in the picture. So almost since the very beginning their whole relationship was sold out and they orchestrated the shit out of them. All their love declarations, their lovey-dovey behaviour, what they do, how they present themselves, what they’re involved in, all that stuff was always done with the main intention to sell the public a fantasy love story that they would get invested in with agents, management and pr teams behind them and their relationship enabling and planing with them together. I don’t believe that everything only comes from their teams and is forced onto them, they surely also make their own decisions when they want to use their relationship for promotion and publicity, but like the anon above said when others or yourself immediately force happiness and a big love story on you although you haven’t even reached that stage in your life or relationship yet (that includes Megan calling him her twin flame right from the start too and Kells emotions being forced to reach that level of intensity then as well instead of allowing them to grow there), then it only adds pressure to make up for what doesn’t exist and suddenly you’re faking your own relationship although you actually are in a relationship and everything you do becomes more about how that appears in the public and what they think about you as a couple. You will be more busy with pretending to be an amazing couple than spending time on being one. I hope you understand what I mean, because that’s how I see them. But in reality their relationship seems to be shattered, lots of insecurities, jealousy, arguments and simply over although they’re still together and put on an act with their on stage kisses, matching nails and Megan following him everywhere he goes. In the context of it all, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning anymore.
P.S.: their trip was on Saturday, Mother’s Day was on Sunday for anyone who is still confused about that.
14 notes
·
View notes
“BE PROUD, ALWAYS”: PRINCE OLIVER OF SOBURG OFFICIALLY COMES OUT IN PRESS CONFERENCE
Today, Highwood Manor, home of the Duke and Duchess of Soburg, held a press conference -- their first instance of outreach to the media since photos of their youngest son, Prince Oliver, appeared online and effectively outed him to the public. While they hadn’t confirmed or denied anything up until this point, today Prince Oliver himself was front and center. A transcript of the Prince’s speech is below:
Keep reading below the cut! (And consider this your “Happy Valentines Day” from me; you are loved by so many!!)
Oliver: Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you for joining us here today. The past few months have been full of tumult, both in our public and private lives, so we thank you for our co-operation as we came to a decision about how best to go about this. It hasn’t been easy for any of us -- not myself, not my parents, nor for the Lopez family, who have graciously agreed to be present for this moment.
Many of you are aware of the history of this family. I consider myself a bit of a scholar of history as well, and recently, I found something that shook me to my core. Princess Josephine, the eldest daughter of King Albert and Queen Catherine of the Winden Territories during the first Great War and mygreat-great aunt was, as many of you know, what we could call a “spinster”. She never married and dedicated herself to nursing during the first Great War that changed the lives of so many. Many believed that she never married out of personal choice, as an act of rebellion against the system she was born into as the eldest daughter of a King who would never have been able to inherit.
This is not the case. I recently came across letters that Princess Josephine wrote in the attic of Highwood Manor, as this was where she lived for twenty-five years before her death. These letters were written by her and were addressed to a “E.R.”. After some more searching, we found a letter written in return that Princess Josephine kept. Princess Josephine wrote love letter after love letter to Lady Eleanor Rosewood, who returned her affection despite being married to a man. They were apart for decades, and only after Lady Eleanor’s husband died did she come here to spend time with her “dear friend”, as it would have been called then, to take comfort in her company.
Princess Josephine was forced to hide who she was because of the world around her, as was Lady Eleanor. They loved each other fiercely, but were never able to make their affection known to anyone for risk of being stripped of their titles and cast aside. Princess Josephine is honored today for her services to nursing, and is remembered for her fierce loyalty and kind heart. But today, I get to enjoy a pleasure she never got to have: of truly being herself, and making that self known to the public. She was gay. And so am I.
I have struggled with this part of me for a long time. Not just because of the position I find myself in, but because of the outward expectations placed upon me and my family. We marry well, we live in opulent houses through Crown funds, we attend overseas engagement and are the model of what people think “high society” is. Princes are to marry Princesses, or Duchesses, or any other well-born woman. But I never wanted that for myself.
Because of these expectations, I was forced to hide who I truly was from everyone I loved, even though I know now that they all would have loved me no matter what. Hindsight is a beautiful thing like that. I had to play along, play the part that everyone expected me to play, and pretend to be someone I was not.
And then I met Gabriel. I saw someone who was open about who he was and adored for it. It was not his whole personality, but rather an aspect of him, plain and simple, and nobody paid it any mind. They accepted it, point blank. He was the first person I came out to, officially, and we have been dating in secret for six months.
Neither of us wanted these pictures to be released -- we didn’t even know about them until they were released. This invasion of privacy, which will be followed up on through the authorities, provided us with an opportunity to stand in the sun together instead of hiding in the shadows. I will admit, I was terrified about making this speech today. You can’t quite see it, but my hands are still shaking. I know that there are people out there who do not accept this as a facet of life for millions of people. They will say it is just a phase, that I’m only young and that I’m “experimenting”, that I will eventually settle down with a nice girl and this will all blow over. To those people, I say: this is not a phase. I know that I am young, but I have known who I am since I was five years old. I am in love with Gabriel Lopez, and he loves me, and nothing you do or say will change that.
While there will be hundreds of thousands of voices telling us we are wrong, there are so many more voices that outweigh the negativity, showing us support and rallying behind us when the pictures broke. To those people, we say thank you. Without your support, and without the support of my parents, I would not have had the courage to stand here today and say this to all of you.
I know that there will be questions about what this will mean for me going forward. I will be honest, I do not have the answers. Trust that when the time is right, those answers will make their way to you. In honor of this occasion, I am delighted to announce that I will take on my first official patronage: Heart Home, a group of shelters for various LGBTQ+ youth who need a place to go across this country. Our family will also be donating one million Simoleons to Heart Home and The Tracy Project, a 24/7 crisis hotline for LGBTQ+ youth. Both of these organizations do incredible work, and this is just the start of my work with them both.
Finally, I’d like to send a message to others out there who are like myself -- who have always known themselves to be different in some way that the world will see as “wrong”: you are not wrong. Your sexuality and/or gender identity is yours, and therefore is incredibly valid. You do not have to come out today, or tomorrow, or any time before you are ready to. But there is a place for you in this world. There are people who will accept you for who you are and will always be ready to stand by your side, no matter what. The important thing to remember is to be proud, always. You are you, and there is nothing more important or as wonderful as that. You are worth fighting for, and nobody else in this world gets to define how you live your life as your truest self except for you. Love is love. It’s as simple as that.
Thank you.
14 notes
·
View notes
Control and Release - 31
Series Masterlist
TEDTalk!Sam x Reader
Summary: After the rest of the staff is caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester. As the arrangement becomes more defined, you and Sam begin a sexual adventure with dangerous consequences.
Warnings: Dom/Sub, humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification, mutual masturbation, spanking, cum play, fingering, anal play, orgasm control, nipple clamps, dub-con, breath play.
Beta: @ilikaicalie
Parts 1-39 are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories, including Patreon exclusive content. >> CLICK HERE <<
-
“These are all my dirty secrets?” You look in trepidation at the folder on the table in front of you.
It’s thicker than anticipated.
“Everyone one of them.” Charlie is a perky, energetic redhead that’s the exact opposite of what you expected. Sam’s talked about her like she’s Sherlock Holmes, and to be honest you assumed she was a man. “Or least what I could dig up. I can confidently say that if I couldn’t find it, no one else will either.”
Glancing at Sam you open the cover and scan over the top page. It’s a basic list of your personal details, where you’ve lived, who you’ve dated.
“Is there anything we should be concerned about?” Sam asks. He slides his arm over the back of the couch behind you.
Charlie hesitates, looking at Sam and then speaks to you.
“Are you comfortable doing this with him here? I mean, it can get real weird real quick for both of you.”
“I can leave if you want,” Sam offers.
“No.” You swallow the urge to take him up on the offer. “No secrets, right? This is my life.”
“Okay.” Charlie opens her laptop. “There was a polaroid of you in your underwear at a party in your senior year of high school. But we had it taken off Facebook and I was able to purchase the original.”
“It was on Facebook?” You’re both horrified and impressed. You had no idea “How did you even find it?”
“It’s what I do,” she chirps, already moving on. “You’re pretty boring compared to the people I usually investigate. No DUIs or cheating. But you did date a man named Jasper.”
“Oh Jesus.” You want to crawl under the table. Your time with Jasper wasn’t as much a traditional relationship as a hook-up that lasted a year. He never came close to what you and Sam enjoy together, it was all about sex. “I’m sorry.” You turn to Sam who’s throwing you a terrifying, forced smile.
“Don’t be sorry,” he murmurs, a hand slipping over your thigh and wedging between your legs.
“Did you make a sex tape with him?” Charlie asks and you choke on your own spit.
“No, I mean, I don’t think we ever…”
“Is there a chance he recorded you without your knowledge?”
“Maybe.” You search your memory. Everything from that time is hazy, the two of you drank a lot. “I mean, I don’t know. You think he recorded me?”
“I think he has something.” Charlie’s attention switches to Sam and she morphs into all-business mode. “He was interested in why I was asking questions. When I made an initial offer for any videos or pictures he might have he acted like he had something. But I think he realized it was valuable and kicked me out of his apartment.”
“You offered the maximum?” Sam asks.
“Yeah, he didn’t go for it.”
“Double it and see what he does.”
“Got it.” She stops to make a note.
“He has a sex tape with me in it?” You’re not past this yet. You look to Sam who’s unreadable. “I had no idea. I mean I eventually realized he was a creep but I never thought he would do something like that. What if he posts it?”
“Don’t worry,” he nods, sliding a hand over your knee. “I’ll handle it.”
“Other than Jasper, you and Sam are actually the biggest potential issue. I read Cole’s report. It’s concerning despite your prior relationship. If the wrong person got a copy of his written complaint it would be damaging. I think you can expect the real story to revolve around the fact that Sam intervened when a mad man was shooting up the office. You can choose how you want to spin that. If you decide you want some heroic meet-cute to be the official story then I can erase any trace of your relationship before the shooting happened. If you want me to leave some crumbs confirming you were together prior, I can do that to. And if you want a lid on the whole thing, no problem.”
“People will care?” you ask.
“Oh, for sure.” She chuckles, looking at you like you’re a moron. “Sam’s personal life has been a lockbox. You’re the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to him.”
“Wonderful.” This would all be so much easier if he wasn’t so well off. If he hadn’t been quite as successful all these precautions could be avoided.
“Just tell me what kind of story you want out there and I’ll start planting the seeds.” She grins at Sam with a warm familiarity. Few people interact with him this easily. There must be quite a back story.
“We’ll talk about it,” Sam answers for you, shifting in his seat. “Anything else?”
“That’s all for her.”
“You have my background as well?”
“I do.” She pulls a thinner file from her bag and you look at him in surprise.
“She did one on you too?”
“Charlie has been the keeper of my secrets for a decade. She makes sure any possible indiscretions stayed buried,” Sam explains.
Charlie is looking between you and Sam, asking a silent question.
“You can say whatever you need to in front of her.” Sam turns to you. “You can leave if you feel uncomfortable.”
You find yourself suddenly nervous. Sam’s past is largely a mystery and you’re not sure if you want to know. Were there others before you?
“The woman you had a financial arrangement with is not a problem. It’s Madison I’m concerned about.”
Financial arrangement? That piques your interest but the conversation moves on.
“It’s been years. You don’t think she’s gotten past it?” Sam shifts beside you, betraying his discomfort for the entire situation. He’s rarely visibly distressed but there’s no covering this up. His reaction may be subtle but it’s there.
“She still Googles you once a week.” Charlie turns her computer toward Sam. You don’t understand you’re looking at, but he seems to. Sam takes interest in something on the screen and you feel him stiffen beside you. “She’s living in Boston again?”
“She moved back last year,” Charlie confirms.
“You didn’t tell me.” Sam’s tone shifts to his trademark disapproval but it doesn’t seem to phase the perky redhead.
“I update when I think there’s a concern. This wasn’t a red flag for me. She’s from Boston. Her father is sick. She got a good job at a tech firm. It looks to me like she came home to be near her family...or...”
“Or?” Sam asks.
“Or she came back to be close to you. It’s hard to tell with her. Madison has always been a wild card. You know how to pick ‘em.” Her eyes dart to you, offering an apologetic grin. “Present company excluded.”
You just sit there taking in these new tidbits of information. A trail of breadcrumbs that lead to the story that was Sam’s life before you.
“Do you think she would try to hurt Sam?” you ask and two pairs of eyes look at each other before turning to you. “Or me?”
“She’s not that kind of crazy,” Charlie assures you. “But she would love to embarrass Sam. Make things hard for him. She’s still pissed he cut her off.”
“I see.” You sit back as they continue talking details. You’ll have questions for him later but right now your mind is swirling. Your ex hook-up has a possible homemade sex tape of you doing God knows what, and Sam apparently hired a hooker.
“And what about Dean and my father?” Sam squeezes your knee, bringing you to attention.
“What about them?” You lean forward with interest.
“They’re hard to track.” Charlie closes her computer and sits back. There’s no documentation of this inquiry. Nothing to tie either of them to the wanted Winchesters.
“That can’t surprise you.” Sam nods. “But you’re good.”
“Yes, I am.” She offers a little bow of her head. “I had to track the weird to find them.”
“What do you mean?” you ask.
“They like the crazy stuff, ghosts, and monsters. So I kept an eye out for any weird happenings. Some lady in New Jersey claimed a sewer monster stole her baby. And you’ll never guess who popped up in town at some shitty motel the next day.”
Taking out her phone she pulls up a photo and holds it out for you and Sam to see. It’s a grainy security camera shot of Dean with a baseball cap pulled over his face.
“When was this?” Sam inquires.
“Six weeks ago. Your brother is staying along the eastern seaboard. Investigating paranormal bullshit in Vermont, Maine, Connecticut. Occasionally he’ll pop up in the midwest, but for the most part, he’s staying close.”
“To me.” Sam’s not asking, he already knows.
“Yeah, that would be my guess. I did a sweep of your office buildings, homes and so on. I found a digital hole in your home security cameras. Someone created a backdoor into the system so they could have unfettered access.”
“He’s watching us?” Dean’s been on your mind ever since the encounter in the kitchen over a year ago. But now it seems your concerns were in fact warranted.
“Maybe,” she continues. “It’s hard to tell with him. He might be watching. Maybe he’s visiting, editing the footage to cover his tracks. Or maybe it’s not Dean at all.”
“Who else would it be?” you ask, afraid of the answer. “FBI?”
“My father,” Sam sighs.
“It’s a possibility.” Charlie shrugs. “Unfortunately it’s impossible to tell what they’re up to.”
“What’s your gut instinct?” Sam asks Charlie.
“I think they’re keeping an eye on you...and her.” She looks you dead on. “If you want to know why your guess is as good as mine. They believe some insane stuff, Sam. End of the world, apocalypse wack-a-doo shit. They could just be trying to keep you safe. But there’s always the possibility of something else. Y/N was right to be concerned.”
“Perfect,” Sam laughs dryly, rolling his eyes. “This is the last thing I need right now.”
“I liaised with your new security guy. He knows what’s going on with your family, Madison, the whole shebang. He’s working on Y/N’s apartment and your house to seal the leaks. I’ll schedule a meeting for the three of us when you get back to Boston.”
“Sounds good.” Sam stands as Charlie collects her things and you stay seated. “Thank you for everything. As always, you’re invaluable.”
“That’s why you pay me the big bucks.” She laughs. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”
“You too.” You wave her off, watching as Sam locks the door after her departure. He shoves a hand in his pocket, the two of you staring at each other in silence.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“Oh, more than you wanna know.” Running a hand down your face you categorize the evening. Sex scandals, stalkers, fugitives from justice...where to start. “You paid for sex?”
“Technically, no.” Sam walks over to sit on the couch across the coffee table.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I never fucked her.”
“Okay, but you hired a hooker?”
“Yes.”
“And didn’t have sex with her?”
“No.” His jaws ticks. He doesn’t want to answer these questions. “She sucked my dick. She allowed me to do things to her, but I never fucked her. Would you like the details?”
“Jesus,” you sigh. “No. God...fuck. And the other woman, Madison, she was your girlfriend?”
“No. She and I had an arrangement. The same as you and I had when this started. She worked for W & S. It only lasted a few months. She became attached, somewhat obsessive. She believed we were more than our arrangement and I put an end to it.” He stares at you, still as a statue.
“Okay.” You hate the very idea of him with someone else. The thought of another woman makes you angry, but he’s being honest, and honesty is everything so you swallow the urge to take it out on him. “What are we going to do about your family?”
“I’ll give you the details as soon as I have them,” he offers. “We’ll have increased security.”
“Good.” Racking your brain you try to make sure you’ve covered everything. “Oh! Jasper, are you sure Charlie will be able to get that video...if there is one, I mean.”
“She has her ways and I have money. Everyone has a price. We just need to find his.”
You’re both quiet again. Things feel unsettled, awkward for the first time in a long time. And you only know one way to reset this feeling. There are times when having Sam in complete control makes you feel the safest.
“Sam,” you start, watching him sigh in response. He’s expecting more questions.
“Yes?” he asks, looking at you expectantly.
“I’d like you to spank me now.” This request makes your cheeks hot with anticipation. His face morphs from controlled irritation to pure lust, eyes narrow, a grin pulling at his mouth. “With your belt.”
“Take off your clothes and lay across my lap,” he instructs, already working at his buckle. “Get the gag. We can’t have you making too much noise.”
139 notes
·
View notes
restructuring update prompts
a prologue to officially re-introducing ash kwon // aka i decided to re-do this because i changed some parts of ash’s backstory and established career claims after i did this the first time and half of this wasn’t really true anymore rip
also there’s nowhere for me to put this in the answers anymore so i’ll put it here: circles is ash’s best song
content warning: mentions of alcohol abuse and drug use / abuse, but none of it is in-depth
assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different?
for the most part, ash’s general personality and character has stayed the same. he’s the same angsty, creative, romantic dude at heart, but he’s a little more jaded in some ways.
ash moved around before he became a trainee now. he lived in san francisco, sydney, and seattle. when he lived in sydney, it was just him and his mom and he grew really close to her during that time. he doesn’t really feel like he has a home at all since seoul is the longest he’s ever lived somewhere, but he’s less happy so that’s not home either.
ash is a better technical singer now ig, being a main vocal. he focused more on singing as a trainee now instead of dancing. his ankle injury in 2018 was a little more serious now, which is why he doesn’t dance much in his solo music anymore. it’s also why he’s less interested in dance, but, at the same time, i think it leaves more potential for him to re-develop some love for it again.
he’s also now the maknae, although it’s a common joke in the fandom that he doesn’t act like it. he debuted a year and three months younger than before and he feels a lot more beholden to the industry now. has even less of an idea of what he’d be outside of it at this point, even though he got closer to actually leaving it than previous ash ever did.
he’s still had a couple of minor attitude controversies in titan’s early days caused by cultural differences. he was in public relationships in 2016 and 2019. neither were received well for their own reasons. his clubbing habit has gotten him into some controversy, though bc has never issued a statement on it beyond that one time they had to confirm the woman in a picture of him clubbing was his girlfriend because people were trying to accuse him of cheating. he has a passionate anti gallery and obsessive sasaengs that make his life a living hell.
since renewing his contract, ash has also had a few hiatuses of varying lengths due to his physical or mental health. this was true before with how he naturally developed, but it’s more tied together now as a result of generally poor physical and mental health he’s been experiencing for a few years now after his dating scandals and his ankle injury in 2018.
his image is more streamlined now too! he never really had the era of being pushed as a cleancut boyfriend that old ash had around 2018. he’s been marketed as a musical genius / sexy bad boy rockstar / artist with a tortured soul for as long as he’s been majorly pushed individually. this means he’s still very sexualized, but he hates his image a little less because he can be a little more himself as far as personal style and self-expression through tattoos and piercings goes.
what does your muse think of their company and their group?
this hasn’t really changed. ash has no real love for bc entertainment and wouldn’t really care if titan disbanded tomorrow. some of their music is good and some isn’t (though he considers less of it terrible without wolf and gorilla in the mix lmao), but he feels he’s mostly outgrown it as an artist. not that it’s below him, but it’s not what he connects with creatively, which is far more important to him now than it had been when he’d first debuted. he doesn’t hold ill will toward his groupmates unless he feels they’ve given him an individual reason to, and actually feels more guilty toward them for getting involved in scandals and taking hiatuses more than anything, but they’re also not his best friends. he views titan as a purely work endeavor and he doesn’t feel bad about the fact he got about as close as possible to leaving them without actually doing so that he could back during contract renewals. after all, they’d be fine without him. he’s a main vocal, but they’ve got two others. he’s a dancer, but they’ve got two others. he can write music, but titan has never been his main priority there and others are more than capable of doing it. he wants out of both the group and the company but is starkly aware of the fact that he did this to himself when he re-signed out of what he now perceives to have been impulse and greed.
since titan is the seniormost active group under bc, ash tries to be a good senior to his company juniors in general, but there are certainly more welcoming alternatives than him. he worries about them from a distance more than anything else.
is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract?
he’s on his second contract and he definitely regrets renewing. he hadn’t planned to renew for the longest time the lack of privacy and the public criticism and the hate he’d received were just too much, and he had plans that would require him to stop being an active idol, namely marrying his girlfriend of two and a half years at the time. their relationship wasn’t stable enough at the time for that to be a good idea and that was proven when they broke up shortly before final negotiations for contract renewals, but ash wanted an excuse to escape and the idea of a happy, normal life more than he wanted to be rational.
spite after the (very brief lmao) break up was part of his decision to renew, but bc entertainment also offered to support him as a songwriter and producer in addition to allowing him to regularly release solo music. he still really loved music and his first taste of promoting as a solo artist had been right before renewals as a proposal to sway him into re-signing, so he was swayed to sign on for seven more years. they followed through on their promises, but he struggles to weigh the recognition he’s earned as a solo artist and songwriter-producer against signing his life away again and doing a number on his physicla and mental health. most of his health issues and his hiatuses have happened during his second contract, as well as several behind-the-scenes situations that could have become scandals if they’d had any less luck, mostly stemming from ash drinking too much and his occasional recreational drug use, so he’s not sure bc even really feels the contract renewal was entirely worth it.
what are your muse’s goals and motivations?
if you asked ash this, he wouldn’t know what to answer. he doesn’t feel very motivated these days and pretty much feels like he only does anything because he’s contractually obligated to. making music as a form of expression has long been his main drive, and beyond that, the desire to make a mark on the world he can be remembered by through his music, but he often oscillates now between feeling like there’s not much more he can realistically achieve and the sense of hopelessness that he can try as hard as he wants, but his music’s never going to be what he’s defined by when he’s a public figure with an image.
he also feels a duty to make his parents proud. though i could argue that might be less now than it was in the previous iteration of ash, it’s still very much there. they let him come to seoul when he’d just turned thirteen to follow a dream that many never get to follow all the way through to the end and they believed in him fully. they express how proud they are of him when they do talk, but he doesn’t know that he believes them. he doesn’t feel that anything he’s done has been deserving of paying them back for everything they’ve given to him.
right now, he wants to be able to feel excited about his life and what he’s making again. he’s trying to better himself internally in regards to the way he views himself and his mental health, although he’s more prone to still taking steps backwards there than he was at this point previously. a lot of the ways ash has found to feel that excitement and creativity he wants (such as recreational drugs and excessive alcohol consumption and fleeting, sometimes toxic, relationships) do damage to his mental wellbeing, so it’s a balancing act at the moment.
what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?
i covered this partially with the last one, but one major conflict remains his internal conflict about his passion for music. this was very much where ash was before as well, but now that i’m really pushing songwriting and producing as his main career path, it presents a more equal professional and personal challenge for him.
more than having truly lost joy in making music, he’s burnt out. his latest album lovesick was emotionally exhausting because it was a partially rushed, deeply personal and vulnerable album exclusively based on an unhealthy relationship that had stretched its hold on him out over for almost six years, and then he went into making music that he couldn’t relate to at all and didn’t really fit his image all because bc thought it would sell well.
the burn out in his personal life has affected the burn out in his professional life he would be feeling anyway and made it ten times worse. it feels more hopeless because he doesn’t have much else going for him. in the past few months, his relationship with alcohol and drugs also reverted back to unhealthy after he was doing better with it for a while, not helped by a really bad stint with his mental health. all of this was at its worse in june before he went on hiatus, and in this universe, his behavior was more of a factor in his hiatus than him practically begging to leave the group because ash is more resigned to the fact that he chose to sign back on with bc and that that’s on him. instead, there was more of a push by his manager, who knew that ash was on the road to a major scandal if action wasn’t taken.
almost all of his conflicts are internal right now. he’s become successful enough that external factors other than the large umbrella of having to remain in titan can be negotiated, but he’s too tired to do so because of everything going on inside of him. there’s a lot of negative feelings going on inside of him, and he’s trying to deal with them one by one, but it’s hard to see the weight of them easing that way.
if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.
ash has been able to establish himself a little more as a songwriter and producer outside of his solo music. he wrote “universe” for titan in 2017, and after that, as promised, bc hooking him up with the right opportunities and connections to establish himself more. since then, in addition to his heavy involvement in his solo music (his 2020 album lovesick was entirely written/composed/produced by him alone), he’s worked on calypso’s “rollin’” in 2018, polaris’s “fake love” (a korean music awards song of the year!) and “the truth untold” in 2019, and lily’s “i’m so sick” this year. i’m planning on more being added there with these extra ecp and maybe some refunded since i think i’m going to drop some of his points claims to streamline his career better.
his canon discography creative claims reflect his progression as a songwriter, from very earnest and romantic to more sensual to very uhhh angsty and personal to developing a more polished and professional sound as he grew in experience as a songwriter and producer.
ash is praised for having several representative works as a songwriter that all speak to his individual style, and ash is happy with what he’s gotten to do since he does genuinely enjoy working as a songwriter and producer.
he’s planning to continue branching out in this direction, so look for quite a lot of ash dabbling in canon discographies in the future. before, i’d say ash’s primary push was solo music, but my plan for him is for songwriting and producing to be his main career path from now on with solo music as a close secondary.
1 note
·
View note
The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 11
a/n: Hi. so I stopped posting these because no one ever reads them and barely anyone reads the fic anymore but this is literally my favorite chapter of this whole damn thing. So please be gentle with her. She’s wonderful in my opinion. k bye.
WARNINGS: sex without a condom, accidental insemination (i know that’s not sexy but i didn't feel comfortable using the cp word tbh). Also just so much fluff and so much love. major development of feelings here.
*Shawn’s point of view*
“y/n where are you taking me?”
“Did you wear the shirt?” She asked instead. “The red one?”
He peered down at his shirt that she insisted he wear for the occasion, three buttons undone instead of two just like she said.
“Yes I’m wearing the shirt, but I don’t--”
“Perfect! I’ll be down in just a second. Make sure you’re in the passenger seat.”
His girlfriend was weird. Incredible and mind bendingly smart and gorgeous. But weird.
And yet, by the time she finally appeared out of her apartment there he was, following her every direction. He remembers she wore this really pretty flowy dress that billowed around her ankles because it was getting chilly in New York and he wondered if maybe she might want his denim jacket from the backseat. She slid into his car and immediately kissed him like she hadn’t seen him in days. They hadn’t been able to spend the night together for the past few weeks due to busy schedules, and so Saturday was supposed to be date night. And he was all ready to take his girlfriend on a magical evening with a reservation at KO, this amazing Asian restaurant that was impossible to get into and well over 200 dollars for the tasting menu. Instead, she had told him to put on a very specific outfit and grab his guitar, because she was in charge for the night. And besides the bedroom, y/n was always in charge. Always.
“You and your wild, taffy legs. How is anyone supposed to reach the pedals in this thing?” She grumbled flailing around in the driver’s seat.
He rolled his eyes playfully and reached over to flick the switch that would push her seat up.
“Sweetheart, this is the Tesla. Please be gentle.”
She clicked her seatbelt on and adjusted her mirror before spinning out smoothly into the street.
“Boy I know what the hell I’m doing. You just sit there and let mama handle things okay?” She snorted.
“Just as long as mama doesn’t total my hundred sixty thousand dollar car, she can handle whatever she’d like.”
“What could this vehicle possibly do that’s worth that much money. It’s still wheels and a seat, sis.” She giggled to herself at her own joke. “Besides, I could total this car and you’d still love me in the morning. Not that I would! I’m a good driver, dammit.”
It took one look at her with her tongue just barely passed her lips in concentration as she navigated city traffic to confirm her statement.
“Yea...You’ve got me there.” He sighed.
His confusion was once again peaked as y/n headed away from the city instead of deeper into it. Any idea for what she might have had planned went straight out the window. It didn’t help that she simply continued to listen to one of his playlists he made her, bopping her adorable head to the music and ignoring him as he stared helplessly in his seat.
“Baby...You’ve got to give me something here. I might start to think you’re taking me out to the woods to kill me.” He whined.
She rolled her eyes. “Like I have the time or the patience to drag your big ass through the woods. Men. So impatient. Can’t you just enjoy the ride?”
“I might enjoy it a little more, if I knew where we were going.”
“You shall see in...twenty-two minutes.” She explained peering at the gps on her phone.
“You know the car comes with a GPS too.”
“Ah hah! That explains the price tag huh?”
He decided it best he stay quiet less his girlfriend only continued to make fun of him more.
Needless to say he’s a little confused when they pull up to what looks like nothing more than a little pub. His car was probably more expensive than the building, and he couldn’t help but remember that he’d gotten them a reservation at a place that had been booked solid for the last three months.
“Y/n...what the hell?” He asked quietly. “Where are we?”
“We are at Lenny’s Tavern.” She smiled pointing to the big sign outside the building.
“Yes, I can see that. Why are we at Lenny’s Tavern?”
She leaned back in her seat and stared at him with her big gentle eyes. It was always her way of getting him to calm down. Because when she was calm, it was nearly impossible for him not to be.
“We’re here so that you can play your music.”
….
So much for being calm.
“What?! W--What? No. No way. Y/n I can’t. I can’t play anything that my dad owns. You know that. I told you that!”
“You can’t seek monetary gain for any performance without his sign off. That’s correct. But this is an open mic night. And technically your father has rights to anything officially recorded in a studio or otherwise. This is what bars you from releasing, let’s say a single on soundcloud or spotify for example. However, a live performance? A random ten minute set? That’s fair game.” She explained.
“How could you know that? How could you possibly know that?”
“Because I read your contract. Line for line. And it’s tight. It’s tight and it’s shitty and I can’t imagine what an awful human being your dad has to be to get you to sign it, but there was wiggle room. So...let’s wiggle.”
He was dumbfounded. His heart was hammering in his chest and he just kept peering at the tiny pub in front of them and then back to her and then back to the pub. He hadn’t sung in front of a crowd since high school. He wasn’t prepared, every single song absolutely escaping his mind. And here she was just as calm as a cucumber.
“How did you find my contract?” He asked.
“You’re not the only one who has their ways, Shawn.”
She undid her seatbelt and turned in the seat to face him. She reached for his hands, which were most definitely shaking, and squeezed hard enough at them that he could no longer tell. His breathing was uneven as the panic set in. Most of it was his dad. And what he might do, and all of the things that he could do. But, some of it was just the fear of failing. He’d spent years convincing himself that his dad was the reason he never got his shot, the reason he never made it big. But there was always a tiny voice in the back of his head that was convinced it might just be him. Maybe he was just wasn’t good enough. Maybe he never would be.
“Hey, look at me.”
His eyes flickered up to her face as he worked to steady his breathing.
“You’ve got a gift. A gift that makes you happy and a gift that has the ability to make others happy. Not everyone has that. People spend their whole lives chasing shit like that. You love music. I know you do; I can feel it in every muscle of your being. I’m not asking you to fight your dad, and I’m not asking you to do anything I don’t already know you can do. I’m just asking you to sing because you love it okay? And I know for a fact that you can do that.”
She kept one hand of his in her lap and reached to touch his face with her other. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t lean into her touch with his whole head and his whole heart and maybe the rest of him too.
“I’m gonna be there the whole time. Just focus on me.” She whispered. “And have fun. Can you do that?”
He took a deep breath and kissed at her palm.
“I--I don’t know. Maybe? What if I fuck it up? What if it hurts?”
“Then we go home and we laugh about it. You’re never gonna see any of these people again. This is literally just for you. No one else.”
“Fuck. Okay. Okay, I’ll try.”
She grinned. “Yea?”
“Yea. But if I fall I need you to pick me up, alright?”
“Darling that’s all that I’m here for.”
They get out of the car, his guitar case firm in his hand, as she pulls him forward by his other one. He makes her double lock the Tesla just in case. Who knew where the hell they were at.
Inside the pub isn’t exactly the Irish biker crowd. It looks more like a college town bar. There were mostly younger people, early twenties to thirties, all standing around drinking and having a good night. All of the lights were off except for at the bar, and the stage at the front of the pub. There was already somewhere up there. A woman with a really beautiful soprano timbre. Some were sat around the stage at tables drinking and enjoying the music. It was maybe a hundred people total in the whole space, but certainly more than he’d ever sang in front of before.
He was still looking around trying to get a feel for the space when her hand squeezed at his again to get his attention.
“Oh, I almost may have invited a friend.”
He turned to see Niall with a beer in his hand talking loudly to what must have been another friend at a table. The second he spotted Shawn though, he was downing his drink and heading straight for them.
“Shawnie Boy!” He cheered wrapping his arms around him quickly. “It’s about time you got here man, the crowd’s all warmed up for ya.”
“I--I’m sorry?”
“Oh this lovely woman instagram dm’d me that you were finally gonna put that voice of yer’s on display for all to see, asked if I’d be a friendly face in the crowd. But, this is the place I got discovered at man. I thought it might bring some good luck to you! You’re gonna kill it.”
Niall clapped him on the shoulder and then turned to y/n to pull her in for a hug as well. It wasn’t difficult to see what his dad had seen in Niall. Besides the Irish accent, and the blue eyes, and the voice, Niall was a force of nature. He was charismatic and kind and sort of all over the place. He certainly made Shawn feel calmer as well. Niall was the first person he shared music with in a long time besides Brian. Perhaps if he believed in him, there was something worth believing in.
Niall, y/n, and a few of Niall’s friends that he remembered from various studio sessions crowded around the table closest to the stage. There was a guy by the soundboard, keeping track of the acts who were going. He went to put his name on the list, and only kind of hoped that the guy might tell him the list was full.
“Name?” He asked.
“Uh, Shawn Mendes?”
“Ah you’re already on the list. You can go next. You get two songs. There’s a mic on stage that should pick up the guitar. Is it an acoustic?”
“Yea.”
“Well perfect man. Good luck out there.”
“Yea, okay. Thanks.”
He got his guitar out of the case and slipped the strap over his shoulder. She was perfectly in tune and felt like air beneath his fingertips. The guitar had taught him confidence. He felt comfortable with it on, like it was his best piece of clothing. All the nerves and stress sort of took a back seat when he was playing, even there to the side of the stage while he waited for the last person to finish up. He just genuinely loved playing. Like more than anything in the world.
“Alright. Next up is a newbie. Give it up for Shawn Mendes everybody!”
He hears y/n above all else as she claps and cheers and let’s everyone around know that’s her man up there. It makes him laugh which makes him breathe. It’s good. She’s perfect.
He takes a seat on the stool in front of the mic, fingers still strumming absentmindedly as he settles on what to play. The tension is still in his shoulders a little bit. He’s still absolutely terrified. But it’s her who asked him to do it. So, he will.
“Hello. I haven’t really played in front of people since I was fifteen so this could go bad, but hopefully it doesn’t. Um this song is for my girlfriend who I’ve been writing songs about far longer than she’s been my girlfriend. I hope you like it.”
He plays When You’re Ready because it feels right. He wrote it after their first few nights together, far before he was ever ready to admit just how into her he was. He lied to himself and said that he was just using their experience to write a song, that it wasn’t necessarily about her. But, who was he fooling? Sometimes he thought he might write about her for the rest of his life.
Don't know why I try 'cause ain't nobody like you
Familiar disappointment every single time I do
And every single night my arms are not around you
My mind's still wrapped around you
He catches her eyes in the crowd and it’s like they’re back in his apartment sitting on the floor with pillows and candles while he plays. It’s no longer scary or frightening or overwhelming. It’s just them. And he gets this feeling in the middle of the song that he’d sing forever if it meant he got to tell the world how he felt about her. She made him feel everything and anything ten times over. And he was just starting to hit the surface of what that could actually mean for him.
And if I have to, I'll wait forever
Say the word and I'll change my plans
Yeah, you know that we fit together
I know your heart like the back of my hand
It dawns on him that other people are nodding along about halfway through the song. Niall was nodding, but that was Niall. There were people at the back of the bar who turned his way to listen and pay attention. He’s got a crowd staring back at him and they don’t even hate him. It’s the wildest thing in the world.
Even ten years from now, if you haven't found somebody
I promise I'll be around
Tell me when you're ready
I'm waitin', I'm waitin'
His thumb hits the last chord and he’s not prepared for the applause that bursts out. He has to look to y/n to see how she’s making it sound like so many people are clapping, but it’s not her. It’s the bar. It’s everyone. And it’s the wildest thing he’s ever experienced in his whole life.
For a second he just stands there dumbfounded staring at them all. Were they sure? Did they really like it? Music was the most humbling of things, because money couldn’t make you not sound like shit. Either you had it, and you worked for it, or you didn’t. The guy from the sound booth had to give him the reminder to play his other song, or surely he would have just stared at them all night.
“Shit. Uh thanks. That was wild. Okay. Um, this next one is called Lights On. Hope you like it.”
Y/n had never heard it. And rightfully so. It was his least vulgar way of reminding himself of the way that she made him feel from that night that he finally met her. The way that her dress had melded to every curve. The length of her spine when she was trying to stand as tall as humanly possible above everyone else. The way that her thighs had felt around his head. It’s everything that the song reminded him off without stating it explicitly, and he can tell by the heat in her eyes that he’s conjuring up similar images for her.
He’s so focused on her that he doesn’t notice that the entire bar had begun to clap to the beat of the song, or that by the time he gets to the second chorus people are singing along. He’s got the whole bar transfixed on him and it should feed his ego more than anything. (Make no mistake it still kind of does) But it’s harder to focus on that when the woman he loves is looking at him like she wants to devour him and maybe hold him too. It’s certainly a complex array of emotions and all that he’s left to do is beam at this crowd of maybe a hundred people for making his little dream come true. But still mostly her.
He walked off the stage to a whole bunch of applause that made him feel like his skin was buzzing. He wanted to run a mile or six. He wanted to go dance in the rain, or scream on the top of a building. Anything that would expel this energy out of him. It all felt too great. Too beautiful. In a way he was more fucked than ever, because he knew right there in that moment that performing was the only thing he was ever gonna want to do.
“Hey man that was a kickass set!” The sound guy from earlier exclaimed. “I’m Ronnie. I run the pub. You’re Shawn right?”
He nodded. “Thanks man. It was really a dream come true for me.”
“Yea? Well if you ever wanna come back and keep doing it more of it, you let me know okay? Take my card.”
The guy hands him his card and claps him on the back before going to announce the next act. He peered aimlessly down at the piece of paper feeling a big overwhelmed. Did this mean he could do it again? That he was allowed to keep performing? The thought had literally never even occurred to him.
He floats back to table where y/n and Niall were already clapping and screaming for him. He gets claps on the shoulder from random people as he passes through. It’s like the greatest night of his life or something.
And then she’s there. And he knows that he loves her because he drops his guitar case against the table to pick her up in his arms. He knows that he loves her because he has to hide his face in her neck because he thinks for a second that he might cry, he’s so goddamn happy. And he knows that he loves her because it’s all her. She gave him the moment and the feeling and the love. It’s her.
“I--I can’t believe you did that for me.” He mumbled fingers knotting in her dress.
She kissed his forehead and pulled him closer.
“That is the happiest I’ve ever seen you. And I’d do it a million times over, you hear me?”
He nodded breathlessly.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He goes to kiss her only for her to wrap her fingers around the base of his skull and pull him in for the kiss of his life. Her teeth are punishing and her tongue is a dangerous heaven in his mouth. He very nearly lifts her up off the floor like they’re at home instead of in public, and he has a feeling that was her goal exactly.
“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes. Don’t think I forgot about that little song of yours.” She whispered.
And then she detangled herself from him and walked off like a dream and a sin all at once. Christ was he lucky. Needless to say he very quickly ditched his guitar with Niall and ran off to find his girlfriend in this dingey ass bar. The shit this woman could convince him to do.
He found her in a single stall family bathroom, which was honestly much cleaner than he expected, and the fact that they can’t keep their hands off each other tells him he needs to write more songs. And fast.
She jumped up in his arms and started sucking on his neck in that way of hers that always turned him to goo. He was lost in her immediately.
“Are we gonna have sex in this bathroom right now?” He mumbled already letting his hands wander beneath her dress.
“That depends. Do you have a condom?”
This gives him great pause. He pulled back to stare at his girlfriend in confusion.
“A condom? N--No. What am I fourteen?”
Her eyes widened. “What does that even mean? Also what the fuck were you doing at fourteen to be walking around with condoms?”
“Well it’s just that...you have the IUD. And guys only carry condoms around with them in the hopes that they’ll get lucky. I’m a sure thing kind of guy. Plus, my dad gave me my first one when I was eleven.” He shrugged.
She leaned back in his arms to stare at the ceiling.
“Jesus Christ. He’s literally the devil. Had your balls even dropped yet? Oh my god!”
“Can we not talk about my prepubescent balls please? It’s really ruining the mood.” He whined. “Can’t we just...you know?”
She raised an eyebrow at him so sharp he nearly got cut.
“Can we just what? If you think I’m walking around for the rest of the night with your nasty ass jizz between my legs, you’ve got another thing coming. Also we simply have to work on your sexual health competency because that was the dumbest shit you’ve ever said to me.”
“I think we can get creative with where we put it y/n! I just think that the more we sit here talking about, the less sexy it becomes!”
“Excuse me?! Communication is the sexiest thing in the world. Sex without communication is awful and probably predatory.”
She paused and peered down at him from where he was holding her up against his waist again. She tilted her head as if to make a decision of whether or not he was worth fucking in that moment, which like….huge ego crush by the way.
“Ah fuck it come here.”
And then she started kissing him again, so he quickly forgot about all of that.
He turned to slam her against the wall, fingers searching for the edge of her underwear beneath the skirt of her dress. She moaned in his ear and bit at his shoulder, his hips grinding more and more desperately against her’s.
“You think you can hold me up long enough to make me cum?” She whimpered.
“‘Course I can. Now be a good girl and open wide for me.”
He sticks his fingers in her mouth until they’re wet enough to rub her clit. The denim of his jeans is rough against her skin but he can’t get enough of the way she moans when he rubs against her. Let no one ever underestimate how hot they could get for each other with literally no time at all. She gets wet for him on command and her thighs tremble when rubs her the way that she needs. It’s perfect. Her body sings for him in octaves that make his heart race and his dick hard and his heart warm. She’s sort of everything to him in these moments.
“Remind me to get some restraints that hold you up against the wall. This is really doing it for me.” He mumbled.
“Yea, yea. Less talking more humping.”
At least she wasn’t impatient at all.
As far as sex goes, it’s really good. There’s something about the sound of the bar right outside the door, knowing that there were still people surrounding them on all sides. Something about the way she can’t keep quiet, so he can’t keep quiet either. Something about the way she tastes, the way she always tastes.
“Fuck,” He panted pushing her thighs back against the wall as he paused to rest inside of her. “Fuck, y/n.”
Her head rested against the wall, her lips parted and panting. She looked so fucking good it hurt to look at her. He bit his lip and doubled down against the wall using his hips to drive harder into her in the hopes that the way her hips were held in his hands might get her where she needed to go. When her fingers grip so tight at the back of his head that he winces, he figures he might have done it right.
“Oh my GOD!”
Her legs trembled in his hands and he tilted his hips to push more ruggedly against her. Her hands slapped at the wall in desperation as she reached aimlessly for anything and nothing. She hit the paper towel dispenser with a sharp clang and cried out for him like a symphony as she clenched at him for all he was worth it.
“I’m cumming.” She whined. “Baby, I’m cumming!”
It’s the greatest pleasure in the world. He presses his hand against the wall beside her head, his other arm just barely holding her up and practically falls into her. He couldn’t hold back his own orgasm if you’d paid him. If she whined for him, he sobbed for her. Fell apart for her. Loved her and held her and came for her with everything in him the way that only she could make him do. Only her.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled wetly, kissing at her shoulder. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. Shit, it’s okay.”
He lets her down onto shaky legs, both of them worse for ware. She made her way to the toilet to clean up, while he tried to regain function in his brain. Less than ten minutes later they were back at the bar as if nothing had happened. Though the look Niall gave him when he finally got his guitar back told him that maybe they hadn’t been quite as subtle as they could be. He didn’t care though. It was probably the best night of his life.
It’s later, back at his apartment when the lights are off except for the glow of his closet, when her head fits perfectly on his chest that the weight of it hits him. What she was willing to do for him to make him happy, for him to succeed. She was so good to him.
They got closer and deeper into this thing every day. He fell a little harder every time that he caught her smiling or laughing or even just being. The thought that she might return the sentiment was almost too much for his heart to bare.
“Thank you for taking care of me.” He whispered his fingers tracing shaping on her back. “I never would have done that if you hadn’t pushed me.”
She kissed his chest and snuggled closer.
“I’m happy to. You deserve it ya know? I know you think sometimes things are just the way they are but…it doesn’t have to be. I know that from experience.”
“I know. Or at least I’m starting to. You’re very convincing.” He snorted.
“Stick with me sweetheart, I’ll get us places.”
He didn’t doubt her for a second.
***
*y/n’s point of view*
You were trying to see if it was possible to get Shawn to forget about harry potter based off the sheer power of cleavage alone. It was proving to be incredibly difficult because you couldn’t get him to turn his head away from the movie long enough to see that your tits were on full display. Here you were thinking you were dating some suave, feeling himself, type playboy when in reality he was an actual dork hiding in a hot man’s body. The audacity.
“Shawn.” You murmured squeezing your arms together to push your cleavage up again.
“Not now babe, Snape is about to rip Harry and Ron a new one. I love this part.”
You rolled your eyes and collapsed against the sheets giving in to the magic that this franchize seemed to have over your boyfriend. What a shit show.
When his phone starts to ring, Shawn makes a face like someone just shot bamby right in front of him. The ridiculousness of it all was not in fact lost on you.
“Hello?” He sighed pausing the movie. “Oh...Hi.”
You peered over at him in interested as he threw his legs over the side of the bed to face away from you.
“No. No I haven’t been ignoring you I’ve just been a bit busy with work and what not. Yes, I know you’re out there all alone. No I--I don’t hate you. Yes…. Yes. Okay, but I can’t really just fly out to….Okay. Yes, love you too. Bye.”
“Well if that was your sidepiece or something can you at least ask her to respect Harry Potter time? I mean that just seems rude.” You snorted.
“It wasn’t a side piece.” He mumbled falling back into bed. “It was my mother.”
He pressed play on the movie again but his eyes and his mind were somewhere else. This was the first time his mom had ever been brought up besides casual conversation. And if the tension in the room was anything to go off, there was a reason for that.
“I thought...I thought you and your mom got along really well.” You asked softly.
“We do. I love her more than anything. It’s just...tough. She’s a little angry at me at the moment.”
You were far more willing to decipher your boyfriend’s traumatic experience than watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azaban for the fifth time that month. So, you paused the movie and let him nestle his face in the cleavage he should have been in all along.
“How come?” You asked, fingers gliding through his curls.
“She blames me for staying in California with my dad instead of moving back to Canada with her.”
“Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t realize your parents were divorced.”
He rolled his eyes. “They’re not. That would cause too much publicity. But, my mum got tired of him fucking every secretary that he hires and being a verbally and emotionally abusive piece of shit. He pays for her to stay in Canada so that she doesn’t blast his shit to the whole world. It’s really more of a business transaction.”
You peered down where his head lied on your chest and you wondered if he could feel your heart squeeze painfully in your chest.
“Jesus, Shawn.”
“Yea. I know. Trust me, I know.”
“Honestly the fact that you’ve come out half way as normal as you are is a true testament to yourself. I think you should probably be far more fucked up than you are.”
“I probably am. You just haven’t gotten a chance to see it yet.”
“We’ve known each other for clear over a year at this point, boy. I think I would’ve noticed.”
You ran your hands down his neck and over his shoulders where the muscles were tense and the stress seemed to be knotting in him by the second.
“She wants me to come home.” He admitted softly.
“Is that--that something that would be hard for you?”
“What watching her waste away in some mansion in Toronto under my dad’s thumb just like me? What son doesn’t wanna watch his mum be miserable? I’m never gonna be able to fix it. Things are always gonna be like this.”
“Yea, but they don’t have to be.”
He leaned his head up just slightly enough for eye contact. His cheeks were rosey and his eyes were hooded and sad. He looked sort of like he needed a nap. God he was cute.
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean that...You could go home and be with your mom and it might take away some of her burden. It sounds like she loves you a lot, like she just wants to see her son. You don’t have to change the world to make a difference ya know?” You hummed.
Shawn sighed and just sort of collapsed on your chest all grumpy again. He was a little bit like a cat in those moments. A very large, very long, heavy ass cat.
“Fine,” he eventually grumbled. “What are you doing next weekend?”
“Hmm...Nothing that I can think of. Why?”
“I guess we’re going to Canada.”
That just simply was not what you meant.
***
“I really need you to stop fidgeting. You’re making me fidget!”
You rolled your eyes but settled a little firmer in your seat. You messed around with the bracelet on your wrist instead before reaching for your necklace to mess with that. The car pulled to a stop and your heart lurched into your throat again. Shit.
“Sweetheart,” Shawn sighed reaching for your hand to play with your fingers. “You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. My mum is the sweetest human being you’ll ever meet.”
“Of course she is. Everyone is sweet and dandy until the white boy brings a black girl home.” You mumbled still peering anxiously out the window.
“Y/n. Y/n look at me.”
You tilted your head slightly in his direction only for him to tug your chin so that you were facing each other head on.
“I know for a fact she’s going to be obsessed with you. But, if she wasn’t? If for even a second she wasn’t as impressed with you as everyone on this planet should be? We’d fly out today, okay? I don’t need anyone’s approval to tell me whether or not I should love you. Do you understand?”
You hated when he made sense. You were supposed to be the rational one afterall. Plus he looked a lot cuter when he did it.
Your head dipped down a little bit to stare at the console in the middle of the car, but he only tugged your chin up again for you. It was almost like if you couldn’t keep your head high he was hellbent on doing it for you.
“Trust me, please?” He whispered. “Just trust me.”
“Okay.” You sighed pressing your forehead against his. “Just don’t let me go okay?”
“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t dream of it.”
He got out of the car and came to open your door, his finger quickly latching with yours. It turns out that you’d been so in your head over the thought of meeting his mother, against your will you might add, that it had never occurred to you to get freaked out over the size of the house. If you could even call it a house. The place was big enough to have it’s own fucking zipcode. It was a pristine, white mansion with a six car garage that looked like it could be its own house. You’d seen places of the sort for parties and what not in LA, but you’d never actually seen someone really, truly live in one. It reminded you endlessly of the difference in the lives that you and Shawn had. Sure, you might be in the same industry now, but your upbringings? Your childhoods? They could not have been more different.
Shawn led you slowly up to the house where he rang the doorbell that seemed to echo throughout the home. Your hand tightened around his, and so he tightened his own in response. He turned to kiss your temple and nuzzle his nose into your hair as an attempt to soothe you. It was just beginning to work when the door opened.
“My baby!”
She was a tiny woman. At least in comparison to Shawn. But you couldn’t tell by the way that she wrapped him up in her arms and kissed him as if he was a small child. And apparently he was. In her eyes, anyway. The more shocking thing was the way that he fell into her arms. He held her just as tightly as she held him. He kissed her cheek and he rocked back and forth with her. It was just about the sweetest shit you’d ever seen in your life.
“I missed you mum.” He sighed rubbing her back.
“I missed you too.”
You watched in awe as a kind of softness to your boyfriend revealed itself in a way you’d never quite seen before. Sure, he was affectionate with you. But clearly Shawn and his father weren’t running around professing their love for each other. This was a new side to him entirely.
Shawn stepped back out of his mother’s arms and reached for your hand to hold tightly just as before. He pressed his lips to the back of your hand and turned to you.
“There’s uh--there’s someone I want you to meet actually. This is y/n, my girlfriend. Y/n this is my mum.” He introduced.
Her eyes widened and you’d be lying if you didn’t say you were prepared for the worst. The moment she throws her arms around the both of you, you enter a moment of complete and utter shock.
“Oh my god! Shawn, oh my god. She’s beautiful!”
She reached for your hand and squeezed it warmly like you were old friends instead of people who were meeting for the first time.
“Mrs. Mendes, it’s so nice to meet you.” You smiled sheepishly.
“Oh, please, please call me Karen. Shawn has never brought someone home before, so excuse me if I’m a little excited. Please, come in!”
She tugged you forward into the house and quickly began to give you a tour. You looked back at Shawn with a questioning gaze at her comment. His cheeks were red and rosy, a clear give away, but he said nothing.
It really was an impressive home. You got the sense that she took pride in it, even if it felt sort of like a prison. At least she was here back home and away from all the craziness. She could lead whatever life she wanted in this place. And she seemed to have peace with that. It was a much more worthy narrative than some sad housewife locked away in a tower. She was strong. You could tell. And you liked that.
“I’ll leave you both to freshen up and unpack. I’m gonna finish up dinner. I made a roast.” She grinned at Shawn.
“My mum makes the best roast you’ve ever had in your life.” He assured you. “Hands down.”
“Wow. Well could you use any help, Mrs. Mendes? I’d hate to be a bother when you weren’t expecting me.”
Polite girlfriend shtick. You had that shit down. Shawn rolling his eyes and poking you in the shoulder was nothing but a slight hindrance on your performance.
“Honey, call me Karen. And I wouldn’t dream of making you help. There’s plenty to go around. Dinner should be ready in twenty minutes okay?”
She left with a pep in her step and a smile on her face, closing the door behind her. Shawn waited till the door was closed to tackle you down to the bed until he was lying flat on top of you like the giant he was.
“‘I’d hate to be a bother!” He exclaimed in a ridiculous english accent.
You quickly pinched his side and took solace in the pain on his face.
“Not funny dickhead. I was trying to make a good impression. You’d be wise to grovel when you meet my mother.” You snorted.
“Grovel? Mothers love me, y/n.”
“White mothers love you, honey. Black mothers will be skeptical of you at all costs. Who knows all the secrets you might be hiding in your hair alone.”
He nuzzled his head into your neck and placed a kiss against your collarbone.
“We’ll see about that. I hear I can be pretty persuasive. I got you didn’t I?” He hummed.
You bit your lip as his tongue traced your skin. He got you alright.
“I suppose stranger things have happened.” You chuckled.
“Is that...Is that something you might want sometime?”
“Might want what?” You asked running your fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.
“For me to...you know? Maybe meet your family. You seem a lot closer to them than I am to mine.”
You went quiet for a while. And it really wasn’t out of fear. You were just trying to imagine Shawn in your world. A small town in Georgia that kept its roots close and visible. The chicken places. The small, tiny two bedroom homes that built neighborhoods of children like you. Some who went to school and some who never made it “out”, whatever that meant. It was different. Home for you was a place of nostalgia and a place of comfort, but it also represented something outside of yourself. The industry could often make you feel like you had succeeded because you were here and not there. No matter how much you loved it, home was complicated. To take Shawn there would mean something far deeper than anything else you’d done thus far in truly any of your relationships. It would mean showing him a part of you that no one knew, except for Tiana. No one.
He leaned up far enough to peer down into your eyes. His thumb traced the apple of your cheek and it made your whole body shiver.
“We don’t have to. It’s not a big deal. Just wanted to ask. I would never rush you.”
You nodded. “It’s not that--it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just a little afraid of what it might mean.”
“Of us getting more serious?”
“Not that. More so, of you seeing who I am and what I come from. What if...what if you don’t like it?” You asked. “It’s so different Shawn. We don’t have any of this where I come from.”
“That doesn’t matter to me.” He said quietly. “You know that right? That I would never ever judge you for where you come from?”
You closed your eyes and worked to steady your breathing. You didn’t quite know how to explain it to him, but you wanted to so badly.
“It’s not that. I don’t think you would be judgemental I just think you would be...confused. I don’t know like maybe we’re so different that it might be too hard to find how we fit together.”
Your eyes opened to him cupping your cheek again. His eyes were gentle and calm and loving. The way that they always tended to be. You weren’t sure how he managed that.
“We already fit together, y/n. We fit better together than anyone I’ve ever met before. I’m not interested in anything or anyone else. I just want you.”
“Are you sure?” You mumbled fingers tightening anxiously in his shirt.
“I have never been more sure of anything in my whole entire life.” He breathed.
When he kissed you it felt like relief and tenderness and care. You still couldn’t quite believe that this man of all men wanted to be all in with you. But, it felt so incredibly good. And you thought that maybe you wanted to be all in too.
***
“You have got to be kidding!”
“I swear to God! Showed his little peepee to the entire pool, with not an ounce of shame to be had!”
“Mum!” Shawn begged. “Please, please tell literally any other story in the history of ever! She doesn’t want to hear this.”
“Well now I beg to differ. How many people were at this pool, Karen?” You snickered.
He pinched quickly at your side, just hard enough for you to yelp, and rub at the bruised skin. Asshole.
“Rude.” You muttered in his direction.
“Yes, how rude of me to not want to be re-traumatized in front of my girlfriend. I’m going to get more wine, can I get anyone anything? No? Good.”
With Shawn in the kitchen, it was the first time that you and Karen were left to your own devices. You had quickly learned that the bubbly nature and infectious attitude of Shawn was all his mother. She was funny and sweet and insistent that everyone around her feel as good as possible.
“The roast really is incredible, Karen. I’d love to have the recipe sometime if you’re open to it. I’m working on expanding his palette beyond take out.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, I’d be happy to. Every year he comes home, that boy gets a little skinnier. I worry about him in New York and LA with all those toxic people about. It’s so nice to know he’s getting home cooked meals every now and again.”
“Yea, well I’m a girlfriend not a maid. It’s nice to see him cook and figure things out for himself. He’s becoming a great sou chef.” You chuckled.
“You’ve got him to cook, aye? What else is he up to over there?”
“He actually just did his first open mic night just last week. It went incredibly well. I’m really proud of him for stepping out of his comfort zone and taking a little leap for himself.”
“An open mic?” She paused. “For what? Like for poetry, or spoken word?”
You shook your head. “No. He--He sang. And played guitar.”
At first you were worried that she somehow didn’t know Shawn was into music, and that you’d blown a secret of some kind. Karen peered back towards the kitchen before leaning over the table to reach for your hand. It was the most serious she’d been since the two of you arrive. Though her eyes were still kind, they were also incredibly still.
“Shawn got up in front of people and performed? You got him to do that?”
“I don’t know. I organized it, and I gave him a little pep-talk but it was all on him to get up there and actually do it. Why? Did I do something wrong?”
She stared at you for a second, hers fingers gripping lightly at your arm.
“You have no idea what you’ve done for him have you?” She whispered to herself. “Shawn hasn’t gotten on a stage since high school.”
You nodded. “No, I know. Because Manny signed him and he was afraid to break his contract.”
“No, you don’t understand. Shawn wasn’t afraid of breaking his contract. He found that performing was too painful. He didn’t like getting a taste of his dream, if it meant he was never going to have the real thing. If he got up on a stage and performed, he might have done it because of his love for music, but make no mistake darling. He also got up there out of love for you.”
You didn’t even know where to begin with that. It completely resituated that night and that experience differently in your mind. He hadn’t just been afraid of failing. He’d been afraid of doing well. Because if he did well, all that meant was that he never got to progress. He never got to do better. Suddenly you were reminded of that night on the Ariana tour where he told you he was stuck, that he would always be stuck. In your quest to make him happy, you’d missed a large piece of the puzzle, and you were a tiny bit afraid that you pushed him to do something that did more harm than good.
There’s no time to discuss the matter further before Shawn stepped quickly back into the room. He wrapped his arm around the back of your chair and launched into a story about the time Karen took him to see the Maple Leafs play when his dad was too busy to do it. The level of excitement that he had for her and for that small moment of his childhood was enough to hook you to the story. The rest could wait for now.
***
*Shawn’s point of view*
“I’m gonna go to bed a little early.” She yawned. “I think the flight wiped me out a bit.”
He nodded rubbing circles as soothingly into her back as he could.
“Okay. You want me to follow you up? We could run a bath or something.”
She smiled and squeezed at his hand on her back before tugging it softly off her skin.
“No. I want you to go spend time with your mother. That’s why we came here, remember?”
He pouted slightly. “Is there a rule that says I can’t spend time with my mum and take a bath with my girlfriend? Not at the same time, obviously.”
“Not a rule. Think of it more as a delegation. I am giving you the task to go spend time with your mom. Me and a bubble bath are never far away. Trust.” She grinned. “Now good night.”
She’d made up her mind clearly. There was no changing it. He learned that more and more about her by the day.
“Good night Karen!” She called as she headed up the staircase.
“Oh goodnight, darling!”
He spent a few seconds watching the way her ass move as she walked. A bubble bath sounded better than good in that moment.
He returned to the kitchen to help his mum clear and wash the dishes. In all of the grandiose design of the estate; the garages, the garden, the pond, the chandeliers on every floor, his mum always refused to have a dishwasher. She said she liked the monotony of washing them herself. It was her favorite chore when she was a child. He may not have exactly shared the sentiment, but it was without a doubt a memorable moment of his childhood. She stopped letting him wash, when she decided he couldn’t scrub to her level of satisfaction, but always let him rinse and dry. When he joined her in the kitchen she tossed him a drying towel over his shoulder with a smile. They settled into work alongside each other just like old times.
“Thank you for coming to visit me.” She said to him, softly. “I know how busy you are in New York. And I don’t mean to be a bother I just...I miss you. I hope you know that.”
“I know. I do, I promise. I miss you too. I wish that I---I just need to visit you more out here. There’s no excuse. It’s just hard with everything with dad, and trying to get through work now. It’s been hard finding my stride as a man I guess. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing. I just know I don’t wanna be like him.” He mumbled.
“Oh sweetheart, you’ve never been like your father. Not even when you try to be.”
He rolled his eyes playfully at her and took the plate that she handed him to run under the hot water.
“Sometimes I see some of him in the things I do though. The cockiness. The entitlement to everything around me. That’s him mum. That’s all him.”
She ran her sponge over a pesky stain of dried mashed potato and hummed in thought.
“So much of that is my fault too. I never fought your father as hard as I should have. He wanted you to have everything, just so he could say that you did. And I tried to balance that, tried to give you a normal life, but I lost. I wanted to keep you here until you turned eighteen, and we both know how that went. Sure you can be a bit of an asshole, and so much of the world has already been offered to you because of who we are, who your dad is. But your heart is good. I’ve always known that about you. And that’s all that matters, baby.”
“Is it bad that...I didn’t really care how people perceived me until I met her? I was kind of happy with being more like dad. It meant that we fought less, that he was nicer to me, that being at the company was easier. I almost forgot what it was like to fight against that until she looked me in the eye and told me she wasn’t impressed with anything that I was.”
She laughed. Honest to god laughed.
“She’s a feisty one isn’t she?” She snorted. “Doesn’t take any of your shit, that one. I like that. I like her.”
He chuckled softly to himself. “You don’t know the half of it. She barely gave me the time of day the first three months I knew her. I tried to uh impress her once by showing up to her place with these...really stupidly expensive chocolate strawberries that were dusted in gold or something. But, I didn’t offer them to her as a gift. I just left them on the counter open for the world to see? She looked at me like I was a complete and total jackass.”
“My boy. You tried at least.” She giggled patting him playfully with a wet hand. “You really like her, aye?”
He couldn’t help but laugh. His heart literally jumped in his chest just at the words coming out of her mouth. He didn’t even know what to say.
“I’m like...stupidly, crazyily, overwhelmingly in love with her.” He mumbled, eyes on his fingers barely moving to dry the cup that was in his hand. “I think she might break my heart one day.”
“Hmmm. And what makes you think that?”
“It just doesn’t really make sense does it? For her to want me the way that I want her. I know what I see in her. I see everything. Everything that’s good in the world, and thensome. Me? I’m just some spoiled rich kid from toronto with daddy issues. There are gingerbread men with more uniqueness.” He sighed. “The crazy part is she thinks we might not fit together because of how we grew up, and I’m just terrified she’s gonna realize at some point that all of this is a joke. It’s me who doesn’t really deserve her.”
He felt more than heard the splash of his mum dropping whatever dish she’d been holding beneath the water. When he turned to her she had her serious eyes on. The ones she used to pull out to scold him when he was younger, or to get him to stop dicking around when he was too riled up. They were persuasive as all hell, and he stares deeply into them even now.
“You listen to me, Shawn Peter. I didn’t raise someone unworthy of anything in this life. I know your childhood wasn’t ideal but you’re a person just like any other person. And I raised you to believe that everyone deserves to love and to live and to be happy didn’t I?”
He smiled sadly. “Yea, mum. You did.”
“So then you get it too. Everyone gets it including you, do you understand me?”
She reached to touch his cheek, her palm wet and soapy, but he hadn’t felt so small in such a long time. He’d missed her.
“She’s lovely. She’s really special. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve her. That means you work every day to show her why you do. And hopefully, if you’re lucky, she shows you the same. That’s how it’s supposed to work. What the two of you have is special. So, don’t be afraid of it. Nurture it.”
He wrapped his hands gently around her wrists just to feel more connected to her. He nodded his head slowly to show her that he understood. When he did, she smiled and kissed at his forehead the way she used to when he was little. Any reservation he may have had about coming home was long gone now. And he couldn’t help but remember that it was once again y/n who had given him the push he needed to get here.
When the dishes were washed and his mum disappeared into her own room for the night, although not without leaving the hallway light on, he made his way back to her. It became incredibly evident that she hadn’t been sleepy at all when he caught her in bed answering work emails. She just wanted to give him alone time with her. And he was really glad that she did.
“Sleepy, aye?” He chuckled crawling into bed beside her.
She smiled as he nuzzled his face into her arm to distract her from typing.
“Is that all it takes to get the Canadian coming out of you? Just gotta get you back to the North star huh?”
“Funny. My mum said goodnight by the way. Guess she knew you weren’t so tired too.”
She hummed softly. “She’s really sweet. I see a lot of her in you now. You make a lot more sense to me now.”
“Yea? In what way?”
He reached for her laptop, shutting it softly, and setting it on the bedside table. He reached for her next, happy to feel the way she could mold into his arms so perfectly. She played with the rosary around his neck while she spoke, and it was as soothing for him as it was for her.
“All I knew of you back in New York was Manny. And, so I could never piece together the whole fuck boy persona with this, who you are to me now. The kindness and the softness and the warmth is so much of you; it’s all of you. Those two sides are just so different. I didn’t know if like emotional attachment was the key, which would be kind of fucked up in my opinion, or what it was. Like only respecting women if you’re interested in them is horrible, ya know? But now I know.”
She smiled smally to herself as if she had a secret that he wasn’t aware of.
“What do you know?”
She looked up into his eyes and it took his breath away.
“You’re not some dickhead, fuck boy. At least not really. You’ve been hurt a lot in your life by a lot of different people. And I think somewhere along the way you got the idea that being cold, being shut off from the world would just be easier. And I think I know who taught you that, and I’m really fucking sorry cause that’s such a miserable existence to have. I know from experience. But I like you. And it feels really good to know that this is who you are. This is who you’ve always been. A little fluffy Canadian.”
She reached up to tuck one of his curls back and he just had to kiss her, didn’t know if he could breathe for another second without it. She was too good to him in every way. And he was so incredibly in love with her. Kissing her felt right. It felt like the only way to express this thing that was just bubbling up inside of him always.
“I love you.” He whispered against her mouth. “I think you make me better than I ever was before.”
She shook her head at him. “Nah. I’m just here to show you what you almost forgot. You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
They lay there for a moment, with nothing but the feel of her skin against his and his heart beating in rhythm with hers. He felt the way that he tended to feel when he needed to write a song. A sort of energy was in him that felt like it might burst at any moment. His fingers were itching and he couldn’t really sit still. But instead of a song in his head and in his heart, all he had was her. And it was infinite.
“Are you tired?” He asked her.
“Not really why?”
“Get up. It’s my turn to take you to a random undisclosed location”
***
*y/n’s point of view*
You were shivering. Honest to god shivering. Your black ass was from Georgia and it did not like to be below 73 degrees at any one point. Shawn had taken you into the arctic as far as you were concerned. New York didn’t have shit on Canada. It was cold and your tits were chattering, and this boy was sitting here trying to be romantic or something.
“Shawn, I love you, but if you don’t tell me where we’re going my black ass is going back to the heated seats. I’ve grown soft. I don’t like this.” You whined.
Shawn laughed and paused to peel his jacket off. He then turned and wrapped it around you before pulling the hood to your sweatshirt over your head. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you through a little more grass until you reached your destination. A football field.
“This is it.” He pointed pulling you a little deeper into the field.
“Okay. And we’re here...because?”
He slid a backpack off of his shoulder and proceeded to pull out a large, thick quilt, which he laid out on the ground. Next were a few candles as it was dark as all hell out there. He turned to you with a soft smile on his face and reached for your hand to pull you close.
“This is uh where I would’ve went to high school if we hadn’t moved to the states. I used to go to games with Brian whenever my parents would let me fly back here. We would come here at night and fuck around and be stupid. I noticed one day that you can see the stars like really perfectly from here. And I always wished that we could have just stayed here and I could go to school like a normal kid. Maybe bring a really pretty girl out to the football field to look up at the stars ya know?” He smiled. “Guess I got my wish after all.”
Well wasn’t that just the sweetest shit you’d ever heard in your life?
You lied down on the quilt together, your heads pressed together, legs intertwined. The sky was so dark that it was overwhelming. It felt like it was falling in on all sides. But the stars were these beautiful little dots of light everywhere. It was wonderful. You’d never really been the type to lay down and look at them, but lying beside this man who had wanted to for who knows how long felt like the most amazing thing in the world. It was just you, him, and the stars. Nothing else. It felt incredible. You couldn’t have asked for more.
“It’s beautiful.” you told him. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
You turned your head to see him, but he was already looking at you with that smile of his that was soft and goofy and full of love. God, how you loved him too.
“Thank you for everything. All of it. Everything that we are. I really wanna make you happy, okay? As much as I can.”
You tightened your fingers in his sweater and pressed your face closer to his.
“You do. You already do.” You promised.
And he did.
*twenty minutes later*
“Can I ask you something?” You asked hiding your nose in the warmth of his neck so that cold air couldn’t get to it.
“Of course.”
“Why did you perform that night. At the pub? What made you get on stage?”
His arms tugged a loose part of the blanket he brought for the occasion back over your shoulder to hold you better.
“Part of it was that I missed it. Niall and I have been fucking around between his sessions, and I’ve been writing again in a way that I haven’t in years. It felt right to get it out of me, to push it all out again.” He explained.
You took a deep breath and played with one of the frayed edges of the blanket.
“What was the other part?” You asked.
“You asked me.”
Shit.
“That’s what I was afraid of.” You mumbled.
“What? Why?”
He dislodged you a bit from his chest and laid you down against the ground, his body hovering just slightly above yours. Your eyes had well adjusted to the dark by now and you could see him for everything that he was. His eyes were confused and soft. Always soft.
“I didn’t mean to push you for something you weren’t ready for. I just wanted to see you happy. And I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re playing music. But I never want you to feel the need to do something out of some sort of blind allegiance to me. I--I’m sorry.”
“Baby,” He breathed and touched your cheek in that way of his that he always did. “that’s ridiculous. I’m so happy that you pushed me to perform. I--I never would have done it if it weren’t for you. And it was one of the most incredible nights of my whole life. I don’t regret it, and you shouldn’t either.”
You peered up at him hesitantly, your nerves getting to you as always.
“You’re sure? You can tell me if I fucked it up.”
He smiled and ran his thumb over your cheek again before tapping at your forehead with his finger.
“You get inside your own head more than you like to let on, and sometimes you get stuck there.”
You paused as he called you out in that effortless way of his, never having felt so attacked in your thirty years.
“I need you to know that if you asked me to do something, I would probably do everything in my power to make it happen. And I need you to know that part of it will always be allegiance and love and wanting to do right by you. But the other part will always be that you’ve never let me down. And you always do everything with light and goodness in your heart. So even if it all fell apart that night, even if it all falls apart tomorrow, I wouldn’t regret a thing. Just let me love you, y/n, in the way that feels right for the both of us. And try not to worry about the rest of it okay?”
You reached for his face with your hands to touch and to feel all of the love that seemed to pour out of him with ease. But only for you. Somehow only for you.
“You say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world.”
“It could be. We just won’t know until we try.”
You nodded softly and tugged at him until his body covered your own.
“Guess we’ll just have to try extra hard then.”
“I guess we will.”
*thirty minutes later*
“Hey y/n?”
“Hmm?”
“You think I could live out another dream I always had?”
“Sure. Which one?”
Your boyfriend ran his palms beneath the fabric of your sweatshirt, the chill of his fingers causing goosebumps to rise along your flesh. The fact that he manages to reach your tit in all the layers you were wearing was honestly impressive. And also absolutely ridiculous. He almost managed to hold a straight face but the minute you stared at him like the dumbass he was, he cracked into a fit of laughter.
“You are such an an idiot, it astounds me.”
Men.
***
Tag List
@simpledomain @liliane106 @thecurlsofgod @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven@learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean@bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana@loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @september-lace@valedictorian65 @dimestorebieber22 @MixerMani @lifeoftheparty74 @sinplisticshawn @kamahriii @disaster-rose@justbeingoceana @thecurlsofgod
Arrangement Taglist:
@moonlightmendes22 @cottoncandyshawn @iloveshawnieboi@shawnsblue
@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @blackharry@shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp @softmendesss@ydolansss @MixerMani @kitykatnumber @chonmnds @cottoncandyshawn
213 notes
·
View notes
Make it up to you
Pairing: Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos
Summary: “Can I make it up to you? We could, um, go for coffee at Starbucks or- or whatever you want, really,” he finished, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. He’d asked Carlos out. Officially.
“You mean, like, on a date?” Carlos asked, his voice breaking a little. Seb bit his lip and nodded.
“If that’s okay, then yeah,” he confirmed, watching Carlos’s face for a reaction.
Carlos beamed at him.
Words: 2012
Read on AO3
Seb had done it. After all his fretting in the car and his fear that Carlos wouldn’t even still be at homecoming thanks to his lateness, Seb had stepped inside the school hall and danced with another boy in front of the rest of the school. He’d done it.
He glanced to his side, where Carlos was already looking at him. When their eyes met, Carlos quickly looked away, though, and Seb couldn’t help but blush and smile at the action. The choreographer was criminally cute and Seb could barely believe Carlos had been the one to ask him to homecoming. Seb never would have had the guts to.
Now they were both there and they’d danced and Seb’s heart hadn’t pounded that hard in his chest in years, possibly ever. He really liked Carlos. It was ridiculous to think that they’d only properly gotten to know each other since they started rehearsing for the musical. Sure, they’d shared some classes before and Seb was pretty sure they’d talked a few times when they were together in a group project for biology last year, but they’d never been anything more past the odd speculation on Seb’s behalf that Carlos was kind of cute.
Seb knew that Carlos was so much more than ‘kind of cute’ now, though, and he couldn’t let the night end without admitting to Carlos how much all of this really meant to him. If Carlos was brave enough to ask him to the dance, Seb could be brave enough to ask him on a date. And he really should apologise properly for his lateness.
“Hey,” Seb said softly, grabbing Carlos’s attention away from the drink he’d been examining intently after Seb had caught him watching him.
“Hey,” Carlos echoed, “is everything okay?”
“Better, actually,” Seb smiled, “but I was just wondering if I could talk to you, actually. Somewhere a bit more private than this.”
Carlos’s eyes glanced across the table to where Big Red, Ashlyn and EJ were sitting and talking. Gina and Ricky’s seats were empty due to the two’s strange disappearance. Seb honestly had no idea what had been going on with them all evening, and apparently Carlos didn’t either when he’d asked, earlier.
“Yeah, yeah, absolutely,” Carlos agreed, wiping his hands on his trousers and standing up sort of abruptly. He was usually so graceful that Seb couldn’t help but smile at his sudden clumsiness. It was adorable.
Seb got to his feet, too, and upon realising that it had been his suggestion to go somewhere else, he took a deep breath, reached out for Carlos’s hand and pulled him along.
To Seb’s relief, Carlos immediately gripped his hand back and jogged a little to catch up.
“Where are we going?” Carlos asked. That was a good question. Seb didn’t actually know.
“You’ll see,” he smirked at Carlos. The other boy seemed to flush a bit and Seb was pretty sure he hadn’t been caught for having no clue where he was actually heading.
Because Seb had been far too focussed on the fact that he was holding Carlos’s hand than where they were going, he shouldn’t have been surprised when he opened the door and the two of them were in the rehearsal room.
“Think anyone else will come in here?” Seb asked Carlos as he closed the door.
“Well,” Carlos considered, releasing his hand from Seb’s now they were inside (Seb missed the warmth on his palm already), “Miss Jen and Nini aren’t here, Ricky and Gina left and all the others are still enjoying Homecoming. I can’t see anyone interrupting.”
“Good, great, that’s… that’s good to hear,” Seb stammered out, realising just how nervous he felt around Carlos now that they weren’t dancing and the two of them were alone.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Carlos asked, taking a step towards Seb. Surprisingly, it calmed him a little. It was strange- Carlos was the cause of his nerves but seemingly the solution, too.
“I wanted to apologise properly for being so late,” Seb started. The safe topic first- that was easier to do, “we’ve lost cows before but my sister was supposed to be driving me to homecoming and it was her favourite cow so we were all a bit distressed trying to comfort her.”
“It’s really okay. I’m not upset at you for being late- especially now I know why you couldn’t text, too,” Carlos jumped in, taking both of Seb’s hands just as Seb had done on the dance floor.
“You just seemed a little mad at me. I didn’t want to have, y’know, ruined my chances,” Seb breathed out with a laugh. Carlos smiled up at him.
“I didn’t mean to be so sharp. It wasn’t you I was upset with. It’s just, well, I’d spent all afternoon working myself up to dance with you in front of everyone. It was a bit of a big deal to me, so then when you weren’t there it just felt like all the stress had been for nothing. But then you did show up, and we danced in front of everyone and no one even looked at me strangely! It was great,” Carlos explained.
Seb grinned at him.
“It was great,” he agreed, “and I know what you mean. I’d been so nervous when I was getting ready to come but then we found a dead cow and I sort of forgot to panic about dancing. The only thing I was worried about was that I’d upset you. I didn’t care about anyone else in that hall and what they thought of me dancing with another boy.”
“Feel like you could do the Bop to the Top dance better now you’ve had an extra rehearsal?” Carlos asked with a big smile, stepping away from Seb and bouncing over to the CD player.
“Right now? In our homecoming suits?” Seb asked with a laugh. Carlos shrugged his shoulders.
“Why not?”
With an exasperated head shake, Seb extended his hand.
“Let’s go,” he agreed.
Carlos hit play and the instrumental filled the room. Seb got into position as Carlos reached his side and the two began to dance. After spending all evening with Carlos, it felt even more natural to dance with the other boy at his side. The two moved together seamlessly, becoming one with the music.
Seb wished that he’d felt this way in every play he’d been in. He’d never had a dance partner as talented (or attractive) as Carlos, though. A small part of him wished it was Carlos he got to actually do this dance with during the show, but he quickly crushed it when realising that would mean Carlos would have to play the role of his brother.
“See,” Carlos said when the dance finished, twirling Seb under his arm unnecessarily, “you’ve basically perfected it now.”
“Only thanks to you. You’re incredible,” Seb said breathlessly, falling back into Carlos’s arms as he finished twirling, slightly dizzy and out of breath.
“You really think so?” Carlos asked, his eyes wide as if he didn’t believe Seb. Seb nodded insistently. Carlos was the best dancer he’d ever met.
The two stood there for a little, Seb still sort of leaning on Carlos’s chest and Carlos with his arms around him. Carlos’s face was really close to Seb’s. If Seb wanted to, he could lean in and-
“I still feel bad about arriving so late,” Seb spluttered out before he could do something impulsive that he’d regret later. Carlos stood up a little straighter and Seb took his body weight off him, putting more distance between the two boys.
“I already told you, it’s really okay,” Carlos explained, but Seb surged on.
“Can I make it up to you? We could, um, go for coffee at Starbucks or- or whatever you want, really,” he finished, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. He’d asked Carlos out. Officially.
“You mean, like, on a date?” Carlos asked, his voice breaking a little. Seb bit his lip and nodded.
“If that’s okay, then yeah,” he confirmed, watching Carlos’s face for a reaction.
Carlos beamed at him.
“Yes! Why would it not be okay?” he asked, and before Seb could register what was happening, Carlos’s arms were wrapped around him. Seb nearly fell over at the sudden impact, but quickly regained his balance and hugged Carlos back.
“I didn’t know if you felt the same way about me,” Seb admitted.
“I asked you to homecoming,” Carlos pointed out.
“But I didn’t know if that was just as, like, friends,” Seb blushed, leaning his cheek against Carlos’s hair.
“You flirted with me. And we held hands. Had you really not known I liked you after all of that?” Carlos laughed gently. Seb felt the laugh ripple through him from where their chests were connected.
“I mean, I was hoping you did but I didn’t want to assume and be heartbroken when you turned me down,” Seb admitted, finally pulling back from the hug so that he could see Carlos’s face again.
“Who could ever turn you down?” Carlos asked with a soft look on his face. Seb felt his cheeks flushing at the compliment. And he opened his mouth to respond only to find that he didn’t actually have anything else to say. He was too busy flickering his eyes to Carlos’s mouth, which was curled up into a smile. If Carlos liked him back, maybe he’d be allowed to.
“Can I-“ Seb started to say just as Carlos also spoke up.
“Oh, sorry, my phone’s ringing!”
Seb nodded his head and took a step back so that Carlos could pull his phone out and answer it.
He answered in Spanish, so Seb assumed it was a family member. Probably someone coming to collect Carlos. The dance was over, after all. Still, Seb had a date with Carlos, now and he knew that the other boy like-liked him.
“That was my mom,” Carlos said once he’d hung up, “she’s here to collect me.”
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Seb smiled, trying to hide his disappointment that Carlos was leaving.
Carlos nodded his head and smiled but didn’t make any move to leave the room. Instead, he took a few steps forward until he was directly in front of Seb again.
“You, um, you can, by the way,” Carlos said. Seb looked at him in confusion.
“What?” he asked.
“What you were about to ask earlier,” Carlos explained, slipping his hand into Seb’s yet again, “my answer is yes.”
And Seb understood now.
“Oh,” he breathed out before taking a deep breath, placing his free hand on Carlos’s cheek and leaning forward to connect their lips.
Carlos let out a small gasp under Seb’s lips before leaning into him and kissing back, snaking his hands around the back of Seb’s neck. Seb moved his own hand into Carlos’s hair as the hand Carlos had been holding found his waist.
Seb had no idea if what he was doing was right because he’d never actually kissed anyone before, but moving his lips slowly against Carlos’s certainly felt right and the other boy didn’t seem to be complaining.
When the two broke away for air, Carlos pulled back, much to Seb’s chagrin.
“I really do have to go. My mom will kill me if I’m late. Thank you for tonight. It was… really good,” Carlos gasped, running a hand through his hair to neaten it where Seb had destroyed it.
“Yeah,” Seb agreed, “it was pretty great. Thank you for inviting me.”
Carlos gave him another smile.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, before turning on his heels and all but skipping out of the door. Seb watched him leave with a grin on his face.
He was glad no one was around to see him fist pump the air and spin around giddily.
And Ashlyn wasn’t going to mention that she’d come down to check where he was once she saw Carlos leave. What Seb didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.
23 notes
·
View notes
The Goode Case, 13/14 (Jaida/Jan) - Juno
Chapter summary: With the Goode Case finally closing, all that is left is for Jaida to do is survive the interview into what happened, and find out if Jan ever wants to see her again.
(A/N: So we’re nearly at the end now! Thank you all so much for all your support. Here is part thirteen. I hope you enjoy!)
Wednesday 1stNovember
5.54PM
They’d spent most of the day in separate interviews, needing to keep away from each other as was custom, to confirm their stories were all straight. Jaida had had to keep away from Brita and Jackie while they went between interviews, around the building; even taking separate lunches – Jaida going at twelve. Jaida had missed her teammates more than she could put into words. It had surprised her, really, how much closer she’d grown to Jackie and Brita in the last four days, but spending the day without them felt like losing a leg.
The only person she’d spotted in passing was Crystal, as she’d walked past the window of the café she’d gone to for lunch. Crystal hadn’t seen Jaida, but Jaida knew she was only in the area for the interview; and thinking about it, Crystal probably had the most information to give out of the eight of them who were there yesterday.
Between the eight of them that had been there – three detectives, four members of public, and of course the victim’s statement from hospital – it sounded like the volume of stories would corroborate with each other. No matter how far fetched the story itself sounded.
At four thirty, interview process was done.
Jaida had entered their usual meeting room, finding Brita and Jackie had arrived before her, and were sat side by side, their arms linked, Jackie resting her head on Brita’s right shoulder; but neither of them looked at each other, or Jaida as she came in, both of them staring glassy-eyed at the opposite wall.
Jaida had simply understood. She’d crossed the room, and sat in the empty chair on Brita’s left, linking her arm through Brita’s. Brita squeezed Jaida’s arm to her side, and the three of them stayed still, silent for a long time, content to just be in each others’ company.
It was Brita who had come out the worst out of the three of them. She looked utterly exhausted, bags forming under her eyes, her skin still pallid, her hair covered by the hood of her favourite grey hoodie. She was far less exuberant than usual, her brown eyes dull, and when she spoke, her voice croaked as though she were recovering from a cold.
“Pizza?”
“Mantione’s?” Jaida had said hopefully.
“Yeah,” Jackie had replied.
Jackie had still parted her fringe to the left, although the bruise on her forehead from Sunday was starting to turn yellow and fade away. She looked pale, and was wearing an extra hoodie, shivering with cold as they stepped outside into the November evening.
The cold air seeming to rejuvenate them all, Jaida found herself overcome with emotion all of a sudden, and pulled Brita and Jackie into a hug; they both paused, dazed, before reciprocating, and the three of them stood in a hug for what seemed like hours.
“Huh,” Brita said eventually, when they broke apart. “What a day.”
At Mantione’s, Jan was on shift, but mentioned she was due to stop at six when Brita asked. She seemed nonplussed at their appearance in the diner, and didn’t seem to want to stay with them for very long, although the diner was quiet.
Instead she went to sit with Crystal and Aiden, who had appeared in the diner about ten minutes after they did, and was still there, deep in conversation with Crystal, nodding earnestly every now and then.
Jaida felt a pang, thinking that Jan might not even want to know her any more. And could she blame her?
It was Jan’s brother Paul who actually brought them their pizzas, giving Brita a rub on her arm as he put them down, concern written all over his face. How much did he know? What had Jan told him? But they didn’t have time to think much on it, as the smell of pizza seemed to bring them back to life. Jaida hadn’t felt able to eat much at lunch, and her stomach growled.
Two or three slices later, the three of them begun to speak a little more freely again.
“Did the hospital report back on Gigi?” Jackie asked.
Brita nodded. “The good news is she was totally fine, apart from being a bit dehydrated. They’re pumping her with fluids and stuff, and she’s getting released tomorrow, all being well.”
“That’s great news,” Jaida said, looking over at Crystal. “I bet she’ll be happy to get her girlfriend back.”
“Since there is no one to press charges against – no one alive, anyway – the Goode Case is officially closing. Thank God,” Brita added with a groan.
“So …” Jaida asked, putting a hand on Brita’s forearm, “what do you remember?”
Brita laughed bitterly. “Like, almost nothing. When I went to the house on Monday, on my own, I told myself I’d left my torch. But as soon as I stepped inside, I knew I’d made a mistake. Michelle just kind of …” Brita clamped both her hands on either side of her head and squeezed, unable to explain in any other way. “I felt like I was in a … a really deep sleep, most of the rest of Monday and all Tuesday. I remember a few bits, but they feel like dreams.”
“I bet the interviewer loved that,” Jackie muttered.
“I was fine after Michelle left me, it’s all crystal clear memories after that. But … I’m really nervous to do anything else like this now. Seriously. All this projection stuff has made me freaked out.”
“I meant to give you this on Monday, speaking of that,” Jaida reached into her bag and took out the book that Dahlia had given her.
Brita turned it over. “Astral Projection For Beginners: A Complete Guide.” Brita laughed nervously. “Thanks. You still owe me a Christmas present though.”
There was a loud gasp from one of the booths on the other side of the diner. Brita turned to crane her neck, before turning back to Jaida and Jackie with a sigh.
“Seriously, though, why are they both avoiding us tonight?” Brita asked.
Jackie and Jaida turned around to the booth twenty feet away on the other side of the diner. Jan was still sitting with Crystal and Aiden, nodding emphatically, listening to whatever it was they were saying.
“Have you spoken to either of them?” Jackie asked.
Brita nodded. “I messaged Aiden. She said that Crystal was talking to Jan last night, which was great as I was too. I think she’s gonna be fine. It was just a shitty experience for her. I really owe her big time for what Michelle did to her. Dragging her to a plane with a fire in it! That’s Jan’s biggest fear.”
“It is?” Jaida put a hand to her mouth.
“Yeah. Jan says she just remembers fainting, and then coming round with Dahlia putting those smelly things under her nose. Not a great Tuesday evening.”
Jaida watched as Jan stood up, still out of earshot, and walked out from the booth with Crystal and Aiden, making her way back behind the bar and disappearing into the back area.
“She’s as into you as you’re into her.” Brita grinned.
“What you talking about?” Jaida tried to feign nonchalance.
“Sis, Jan swore to me that she wouldn’t do any dating until she’d landed a part, and she said you’re taking her out this Friday.”
“Wait, what? Why would she break that for me?”
Brita gave her a cynical smile. “Come on Jaida, have you seen yourself in a mirror?”
“Girl I know, I’m hot, I make all the ladies go wild,” Jaida joked, pushing her braids back over her shoulders, “but that don’t mean all the ladies want to actually date me.”
“Well, Jan’s sole focus is her career,” Brita said. “All the wants is to perform. When we were kids, that was all she wanted to do all the time. She’d put on musical numbers to all her Barbies. And me. I was an honorary Barbie.”
“Honorary Barbie!” Jackie shrieked with laughter.
“Shut up, Jackie! But – the point is that Jan doesn’t break her focus for anything. Including girls, normally. This is a big deal for her.”
Jaida tilted her head cynically. “Is it the uniform as well?”
Brita paused. “Maybe a little bit.”
“I knew it! It always is!”
Jan emerged, her hair freed from the bun she wore it in for shift, and her apron and shirt discarded, replaced by a purple hoodie. She pottered around behind the bar, grabbing herself a bottle of coke.
“So – what’s the next step?” Brita asked.
Jaida finished her bite and stood up. “Probably this.” She strode to the bar, as Jackie and Brita looked confusedly after her.
Jan tensed a little when she saw Jaida approaching the bar.
“Oh, Jaida,” she said, a small forced smile gracing her face, but her eyes were wary.
“Hey, Jan,” Jaida replied. “Can I get a Pinot, and whatever the beautiful lady behind the bar wants?”
“Sure.” Jan stopped at the fridge and looked up. “Wait. Are you buying me a drink?”
“Yeah,” Jaida shifted from one foot to the other. “Your shift ends now, right?”
Jan poured herself a Pinot as well, and within a few minutes they were in a booth of their own. The diner was still quiet, a few people starting to bustle in, but they were mostly hidden, although Jan’s eyes kept darting amusedly around the diner.
“I think we’re being watched,” Jan murmured, a glint in her eye.
“I know, Brita looks far too happy with herself right now.” Jaida looked over at Brita and Jackie, Brita giving them a thumbs up while Jackie put her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
“Well, not just Brita,” Jan said, pointing to Crystal and Aiden, on the other side of the diner, who both turned from staring at them to looking down at their food in feigned innocence.
“Have you spoken to Brita since – since yesterday afternoon at all?” Jaida said quietly.
Jan sighed. “Yeah, we had a long call late last night, so I know she was, like, possessed or something when she brought me to the house. It sounded really strange at first, but then Crystal was calling me with the same news, so I said I’d meet them today. Crystal told me about what happened.”
“And you’re fine with her explanation? You believe us?”
“I think …” Jan paused. “I think I’ll just need a bit of time to process it. I mean, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it weird, but I’ve known Brita since we were kids,” Jan shrugged. “She wouldn’t lie about something like that. I know that whoever it was who brought me to that place wasn’t Brita. Brita would never – well, she knows how scared I am of fire.”
“It wasn’t Brita,” Jaida shook her head fervently. “She’d never hurt you. She’s really beating herself up about the whole thing.”
Jan looked suddenly curious. “Do you guys always do paranormal stuff together? Like, Scooby Doo and Mystery Inc or something?”
Jaida choked on her wine. “How much did Crystal tell you exactly?”
“Well, I know Crystal sees ghosts and stuff – she tells practically anyone, you know – and she said you did the same thing! And that you – you had to leave your body and go between astral planes or something to get me!”
“Something like that,” Jaida shifted in her chair. “Yeah, I guess. But we all helped. Crystal probably helped most of all. Are Crystal and Aiden both alright after yesterday?” Jaida asked tentatively.
“Crystal’s over the freaking moon to have Gigi back, she’s so happy you wouldn’t believe. But … Jesus, she’s so sweet – she literally rang me from hospital last night to check up on me. Said she was pretty much the only person in the building not to have something spooky happen to them, so she felt it was her duty or something.”
Jan shook her head, smiling into her glass. “She does too much. Like – she always says if she was in an action movie, she’d be the one with the sword running screaming into the middle of a battlefield.”
“She needs some time for herself too,” Jaida replied.
“Aiden said Crystal kind of broke down at lunch, after their interviews. Because – because Crystal was trying to explain it all to Aiden; she remembers nothing! I think she had to take her home for a bit before they came out here.” Jan glanced at Crystal, who was deep in conversation and not looking at them any more. “She does too much.”
“Oh,” Jaida lowered her voice. “Don’t look now, but an interesting development is happening.”
Jackie was pulling Brita by the sleeve of her hoodie, along to the other side of the diner, and Jaida watched them say something to the students before climbing into the opposite seat to them.
“Oh, Jesus, finally.” Jan looked relieved. “Honestly, they’ve both been driving me nuts.” She motioned to her phone. “I’ve had to give Aiden one lot of advice and Brita another.”
“Wait, they’ve both been sending you messages about each other? Instead of just – sending them to each other?” Jaida held back a laugh.
“They’re useless. Both of them.” Jan shook her head, exasperated. “Brita’s thinking too much. She wants the freaking planets to align or something, and all the details to be completely perfect. I’ve already told her that I haven’t seen Aiden this cheerful since we all dressed goth and went to see Marilyn Manson for her birthday. Aiden won’t care about the minor details. But Aiden just won’t say out loud what she’s feeling, and I think that’s what Brita needs to hear from her.”
“They’re both worrying about nothing,” Jaida agreed.
“So – maybe this is a good sign. If they can both pull their heads out their asses.”
Jaida snorted with laughter. “Why are we talking about Brita and Aiden, anyway? They’ll work things out. I just –“ Jaida held her eyes, “I just want to sit with you for a while.”
But Jan’s grin started to fade from her face, and she averted her gaze.
“What?” Jaida asked.
“I’m …” Jan laughed, but all Jaida heard was nerves. “I’m nobody, really – I’m just working here in my parents’ restaurant, saving money, auditioning every spare minute, not really getting anywhere, but you – you’re the real deal! You got a job, and an apartment, and an exciting life! And ghosts and stuff!” Jan looked awed. “It’s fascinating. I never saw a ghost. My brother Charlie says he did once, but we just tease him about it.”
“Believe me, fascinating is putting it nicely,” Jaida murmured, suddenly worried at where this conversation was going.
“You’re –“ but Jan didn’t finish her sentence, looking back up at Jaida and laughing humourlessly, shaking her head. “Sorry. I’m being stupid.”
“You’re not!”
“To think that someone like you …” Jan paused, waving her hand to try to articulate, but giving up and sighing. “Never mind.”
“Jan,” Jaida took a breath. “I – and I’m being honest! – I really, really think you’re great, and …” Jaida’s tongue was tying, but she swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the dry feeling in her throat. “And if you’re happy, I really don’t want this to change anything for us. I’d still like us to go out, on Friday. But if you’re uncomfortable …” Jaida exhaled, trying to keep her nerves in check, “if you’re uncomfortable, because of everything that happened yesterday, I totally understand.”
Jaida took a deep breath, preparing for the inevitable let down.
Instead, Jan leant across the table in the booth and kissed her gently on the lips.
It took a second for Jaida to realise before she returned the pressure; Jan’s touch was so gentle that Jaida held her breath, hardly daring to believe this was happening. She lifted a hand to Jan’s jaw, threading her fingers into her hair …
Jan pulled away sharply when a whoop came from the other booth, and Jaida leaned over to see Crystal waving her fists in the air, a huge grin on her face, while Aiden hid her face in her hands in embarrassment at her friend.
“Oh, yeah,” Jan shrugged apologetically. “I think they’re excited about this as well.”
Thursday 2ndNovember
6.21PM
“Salut Nicky. Hi Heidi.” Jackie unlocked the door without looking up, and was so distracted as she entered the apartment with hanging up her coat and kicking off her shoes that she didn’t even realise Jaida was there too.
JACQUELINE!
“What?” Jackie cried, almost dropping her bag. Her eyes darted to the couch, where Jaida was sat.
“What are you doing here?” She frowned. “Not that I’m not happy to see you!”
“Getting fashion advice for my date with Jan tomorrow. I asked Heidi and she said that Nicky was the expert, so here I am!” Jaida motioned to the rest of the couch, which was empty. Jackie looked all around the room.
“Where are they then?”
“They went to Nicky’s room about …” Jaida checked her watch. “About twenty minutes ago, said they were just going in to get some clothes. I thought I’d leave them to it for a while.” She grinned knowingly at Jackie, who grinned knowingly back.
“If you’d told me you were coming over, I’d have put some food on for us all.”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you!” Jaida cocked her head. “You should read my mind!”
“Don’t,” Jackie sighed. “I’m trying not to at the moment. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Do you know what it’s like, sitting in the office next to Brita, when she’s just trying to read messages from Aiden and then decipher in her head what they all mean? If I hear her thinking ‘but what does this mean, what does that mean’ much more I’m going to throw my laptop at her.”
“She’s gonna be mad when she finds out you’ve been hearing her thoughts!” Jaida teased.
“I think the idea has grown on her since last week,” Jackie shrugged. “Just … in moderation.”
Heidi’s raucous laughter came from Nicky’s room, followed by Nicky’s far more polite giggle, and then silence.
“I know when Nicky is at home now! I like Heidi a lot, she’s great – but then she got hold of my big French dictionary and started looking up rude words.” Jackie laughed. “Now all I need to do is listen out for Putain, Merde or anything else that comes out of her mouth.”
Jaida snorted with laughter. “Sounds like Heidi.”
“I’ve moved my Farsi dictionary to my room. I’m not taking any chances!”
Nicky’s door opened and Nicky and Heidi spilled out, carrying a small pile of clothes each, both looking a little flustered, Nicky’s blonde bob dishevelled.
“Here they are,” Jackie announced, cocking an eyebrow at them both.
“Your closet goes to Narnia, does it?” Jaida grinned.
“No, we were just Heidi, in the closet!” Heidi screeched with laugher, while Nicky, a little more restrained, giggled next to her. “Get it? ‘Cause I’m Heidi and I was just in a closet?”
“Comedy gold, sis.” Jaida was laughing along with them. “Have you got anything I can try out?”
“We found a few things you might like,” Nicky winked at her, laying her pile on the back of one of the chairs of the dining table. “But this one was our favourite!”
She held it up in front of Jaida, whose eyes widened. Between them, Heidi and Nicky had settled on a sparkly gold mini dress with capped sleeves, and a longer train at the back that almost reached the floor.
“Alright, let’s give it a try.”
Once Jaida changed into it, emerging from the bathroom in an exaggerated catwalk strut, Nicky clapped her hands gleefully while Heidi gave her a whistle.
Jackie, however, was frowning at it.
“I don’t know – I mean, you look stunning, Jai, but it doesn’t really scream first date, does it?” Jackie said, scratching the back of her neck. “It says a nice formal occasion. But you’re only going for coffee. I think it needs to tone down a bit.”
“Check with Brita, she knows Jan better than we do,” Heidi suggested, grabbing Jaida’s phone to take a picture.
Jaida:Brittany!!
Jaida:How about this for tomorrow evening? X
Brita:Girl you’re like SMOKING hot! Maybe not for coffee though xx
Jaida: What do you think Jan will wear?
Brita: Jan’s really chill. Denim jacket, skirt and sneakers
Brita:Maybe one of her Patriots shirts if she gets stuck x
Brita:She just sent me her outfit: denim mini and hi tops xx
“Yeah, I need something more casual,” Jaida said, reaching for the zip on the dress.
Friday 3rdNovember
6.12PM
It had been too confusing with all the conflicting opinions. Jaida had settled with black jeans and a deep red blouse, and threw a warm jacket over it. It was a little too cold to go without one. She’d managed to get away early, but then her bus was late, congestion and New York traffic making her twitch nervously and watch out the window.
By the time she got off the bus, it was ten past six. She hurried along the street, hoping she wasn’t too late. Hoping Jan was still there, or maybe Jan was late too.
But Jan was already there, looking in the opposite direction, hugging her lilac jacket around her, her blonde hair shifting effortlessly in the wind.
No time like the present.
Jaida crossed the road and approached Jan from behind. She saw Jan catch sight of her reflection in the window, before mimicking nonchalance and letting Jaida approach.
“Boo!”
“Aah!” Jan turned in a half-hearted display of horror, before breaking into a warm smile. Her light brown eyes crinkled at the corners as she looked at Jaida up and down, drinking in her figure.
“You look incredible!” Jan grinned.
“So do you,” Jaida smiled back at her.
“You’re so lying. I’m in a Pats shirt!” Her laugh filled the air around them.
“You still look incredible.” Jaida tried to inject all the sincerity she felt into her voice. Jan was inadvertently making it very difficult to focus on anything else but her. The radiant smile, the perpetual changing movements in her face.
Jan directed Jaida into a corner in the coffee shop, on a couch that just became free as they walked in, and went to order for them. Jaida noticed how concealed they were, a small wall between the couch and the rest of the world, their own cocoon, almost entirely sheltered from people around her.
The sound of light jazz in the background and the people a few metres from them, intent on their own conversations, let Jan and Jaida submerge themselves into their own world. Jaida was starting to unwind, and Jan seemed to as well, leaning into the couch with her and resting her elbow on the back of it.
“I can only drink one now,” Jaida said, “and that’s it. Or I can’t sleep.”
Jan shrugged. “I don’t even like coffee!”
“What! What are you drinking then?”
“Hot chocolate!”
They both laughed at that. Jaida chanced a movement of her foot towards Jan’s sneakers under the table, determined to remain in control of the situation, while Jan responded by catching Jaida’s ankle between her own calves. Damnit.
“You’re a Sagittarius?”
“A sexy Sagittarius,” Jaida said with a wink. “You need to get it right.”
“I don’t think I’ve dated a sexy Sagittarius before.” Jan’s voice was becoming husky, Jaida was unsure if Jan realised it; but it was making Jaida’s skin tingle.
“What are you then?”
“Uh, a Gemini, but don’t hold that against me, we get such a bad rap.”
“What are Geminis like then?”
“Well,” Jan thought, “we’re very, uhm, there are many qualities, uhm -”
“You don’t know a damn thing about it!” Jaida cackled.
“I do! We’re quite diverse, we can seem like two different people, but we’re really, like, bubbly and energetic, sociable!” Jan nodded. “But there’s like, two different characters sometimes.”
“Like how?”
“Like, sometimes we like to be sociable with lots of people and lots of friends, and sometimes … sometimes we like a quiet time, with a hot chocolate, with maybe one gorgeous woman for company instead of a big crowd.”
“That’s Geminis, is it?” Jaida heard her voice starting to purr.
“It’s definitely some Geminis,” Jan chuckled.
“Do some Geminis also enjoy light jazz, detectives, and the occasional ghost?”
“Apparently so,” Jan murmured, that husky quality returning to her voice. “What about Sagittarians, then? Do they like pizza, getting drinks spilled on them, and the Patriots?”
Jaida tilted her head, placing a finger to her chin, pretending to ponder the question.
“Meh,” she said nonchalantly.
“Hey! Don’t call me ‘Meh’, Jaida!” Jan playfully batted at Jaida’s arm.
Neither of them could help laughing, Jan batting at Jaida again, when Jaida caught her hand this time and pulled Jan in a little closer, staying in place until they forgot to continue laughing, their faces edging nearer.
“Anything else Sagittarians like?” Jaida heard Jan breathe.
Jaida was close enough to see a scattering of freckles on Jan’s nose. Flecks of amber in her eyes.
She was getting close enough to losing herself now, and she realised that it was exactly what she wanted to do.
“I’m sure I can think of a few things,” Jaida purred, words getting harder to form, fighting to keep control. Jan was inches from her, eyelids fluttering a little, and Jaida raised a hand to stroke Jan’s jawline.
It was Jan who finally gave in, reaching forward to close the gap between their lips, her eyes falling closed. Jaida kissed her back, so slowly that it seemed to last half a lifetime, weaving her hand into Jan’s hair to make sure she was real, while her skin tingled and her mind relinquished all coherent thought, content to just lose herself in every sensation that was Jan.
8 notes
·
View notes