trying to get a sub to drink some of my favorite whiskey like a dad trying to get his kid to eat vegetables. "c'mon, it's peanut butter flavored. you'll love it, it tastes like candy. there you go, drink up just like that. wow, i can't believe you drank that entire shot. see, i told you you'd like it. it makes you feel good, doesn't it boy? now, how about some more? you can handle your liquor, right boy?"
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you know what actually. jet star wouldn’t use labels. desertborn resident sandpup jet star would not use labels. he doesn’t understand them. to people like party and ghoul, labels are important, and for their sake jet tries to understand why. he thinks maybe after all those years in the city and on the pills, living under bli’s thumb, they need to take back whatever parts of themselves they can. maybe that’s their way of reclaiming and reinventing themselves fully. after all, he grew up watching the endless streams of runaways trickling out from the city. he knows by this time that there is no greater joy for a debut album than relishing in the discovery of themselves- and this, the act of creation, is often their first act of rebellion. for them, knowing what you are and owning it is rebellion unto itself, and people like party and ghoul are no different. but jet star doesn’t need a label to know himself, and he doesn’t think he ever will. he doesn’t conform to any box or binary. he knows himself- he always has, no matter how much it changes- and that’s enough for him. he is “queer as in fuck you” incarnate.
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Politics that rely on there only being a clear-cut, unnuanced, simple, and easily definable separation/s between a group or multiple groups are bound to fail not only the people that are being defined for their protection and the people that are defined out of their own experiences. If you rely on there being a simple explanation for every human experience and presentation, you are failing yourself because you are denying yourself the opportunity to learn - you are reinforcing the thought-terminating cliché that things that are "simple" or "naturally unnuanced" are the correct option, fact, or opinion.
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What I want from my real life relationships: equality, power balance, peace, mutual trust, respect and support.
What I want from my fictional ships: drama, more drama, angst, emotional turmoil, codependency, possessiveness, preferably with a dash of forbidden love.
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when you're trying your best under terrible necessity, but your best kind of sucks
john winchester: sorry kids, but when your entire family may or may not be on a demonic hit list and you've got a revenge quest to get cracking on, the price of survival is constant combat-readiness and being forever alone.
everyone sam & dean run into for the next season and a half: holy shit are you johnny winchester's boys?
john winchester: it's a lonely life, knowing monsters exist. there's no one i can leave you with. there's no one you can turn to. there ARE no trusted adults within five hundred miles of here.
like half a dozen other hunters: it's THE sam and dean! thought i'd never get to meet you two in the flesh, what with your daddy being a bridge-burning asshole who doesn't play nice with others...
john winchester: if i'm harsh about expecting my orders to be followed, it's because i'm scared out of my mind for your safety. this isn't the life i wanted for you, but it's necessity: you gotta grow up fast and learn to kill or be killed.
a goddamn greek chorus by this point: no offense to your old man but if anyone tried to invite my KID along on the reckless bullshit you boys get into, i'd whoop their ass.
dean, a well-adjusted young adult whose daddy raised him right: wow, aren't you worried your teenager is gonna get killed because you chickened out of teaching them normal life skills, like going out and shaking their ass as werewolf bait?
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I think I've finally settled on an answer to my long-standing question of "Is it better for Cyrano to simply let Valvert off with a warning at first or to kill him the first chance he gets after the Ballade Duel"? And my answer is "It depends on how good a swordsman Valvert is."
If Valvert actually puts up a good fight against Cyrano, then it makes sense to me that Cyrano isn't going to keep him around long enough to keep being a threat. And in a weird way, it feels more fitting as a conclusion to a fair fight between equals who've both gotten to show the extent of their talents. That's why the 1950 movie's version of the duel is probably my favorite--it feels like Ferrer's Cyrano is actively putting in the effort to keep Cavens' Valvert at a distance. He's not just coasting through the fight, like he would with a less skilled opponent, so the kill at the end feels more earned. But I feel like you don't see that outcome as much in various productions...
If Valvert poses no actual threat to Cyrano, then he's not going to waste his time taking the duel seriously at all. He's purely in it to teach this little pissant a lesson about messing with him, and ultimately Valvert isn't worth the effort of killing. In those cases, it also hits harder when Valvert decides to fight dirty and strike while Cyrano's back is turned--he knows he stands no chance in a fair fight, so he's not going to fight fair. And if Valvert isn't, then neither is Cyrano. I used to think that this staging was mostly to make Cyrano look more sympathetic, but upon reflection I think it shows off his more ruthless side just as well. It not only demonstrates that Cyrano could've easily ended the initial duel almost instantly, but it also shows that he's not afraid of returning the cruelty others show him.
I feel like either way, it still conveys the idea of "Cyrano is not to be fucked with, so watch what you say around him or you're next."
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A month plus ago, someone randomly slid into my dms claiming they knew me from primary school.
He finally said his name was danial K (oh boy, not another danial 😂). Funny enough, this was the last person i would think to ever try to connect with me? He was one of the popular ones back in school and i was surprised he knew me. we would sometimes see eachother in passing but we never acknowledged the other’s existence. So i was caught off guard he even recognised who i was. A little back story, him and his sister were well known in school because theyre half white in a sea of purely malay kids intrigued by the exoticness of an anomaly.
He told me he wanted to get to know me better and be friends? He was apparently very close to (probably seeing?) my bestfriend at the time so he mentioned that he knew me from her i think. Or observed? He said we looked tightknit (we fought often btw but she did give me a hamster) and he says if shes nice then i must be nice too. I dont know if hes trying to replicate what he had with my friend with me bc our conversations always somehow involved her. And i feel like one way for him to reconnect with her was through me? I lost contact with her agesss agoo, and shes off the grid. So i dont know how i felt about this whole thing.
Then as we got to chatting, the more wariness i felt about him being a douche lessened. He was notoriously known to be a player. He told me he peaked in primary and was bullied violently in secondary. He told me people made fun of him being short (i didnt know this) and name-called him saying he looked like megamind (this i knew). There were awful rumours about his sister too that she leaked her nudes (which apparently i bought in at the time and he said none of it was true). It wasnt just the name-calling, it was physical abuse too. I felt bad because of what he went through. he wasnt the type to fight back and hes super patient, which is admirable. It dispelled my initial perception of him and i really fed into the rumours. He really did peak in primary as he mentioned how much he enjoyed his time there (i hated primary). he also has broken English eventho his father's white.
so after all the conversations of good ol times in primary (of his). he started to text me every single day. he would ask me what I ate for lunch, breakfast, dinner and repeat; asked how work was and wished me good luck for work, repeat. now it was getting a little exhausting when conversations were like this. since he asked if we could be friends, and i said sure why not. but he was taking this label very seriously, like something he had to prove himself worthy of. he started calling me "bestie waina" and with every single breath. he always without fail, mentioned that I was his "bestie" and striving to become the "best bestie I ever had". He was becoming borderline obsessive about being my best friend. he refers to himself in third person;__; (ex: "danial is going to work", "danial misses my bestie waina") or "oh I love working offshore, you [sometimes he would also call me "you"]" + "i only think about 3 things when I'm away: myself, my family, and my bestie waina". he asked me once whats a green flag in a bf. so at this point i haven't expressed me being uncomfie bc I'm a ppl pleaser and an avoidant, so when he pulled that qn i was like oh this is my time to shine! so i told him "besties don't always text each other every time, only when they have something to say, they give space, and being bestfriends takes years :) " he reads my texts as soon as it was sent. no matter the time of the day, even at ungodly hours, hoping he wasnt gonna reply bc he was asleep - he still did! like girl............... but after that particular text, he opened it 16 hours after lol, and said he will tone it down. it didn't last. it took 5 days for him to resume his routine of asking me what I ate again.
it was getting out of hand because he said things like "where are you? what are you doing? i would teleport to where you are if I could" and it was just plain creepy. so I lied and I said I'm seeing someone I matched with on tinder. he replied "I support you my BFF waina" so I started to think, maybe he does only want to be friends. but then he pulls "thanks for telling me you're going out w a guy" and I was like huh?????? I didnt say it because I felt obligated but I said it so that he would back off. again, the male species fails to understand these things. But I knew it tipped him off, bc he replied over a day later. to add, he also said he wanted to save "kr8" (as in credit, yes he types like he's stuck in the early 20s) because the wifi wasnt stable so he's gonna log out and stay in touch in April (before knowing he was like this, I said yeah we could meet up :") ) so we stopped texting.
but it doesnt end thereeeeeeeeeeeee.
i told this ordeal to my cousin 2 weeks after who said I should block him. she convinced my avoidant ass by saying I don't owe him anything. I like the idea of running away from my problems, thinking it would solve itself so I did! at the time, ig didn't give me the option to "also block new accs they might create".
oh boy, two days later, he made two different ig accounts to text me...... . i knew it was him because one had a similar username as his old one. i immediately disabled my ig for 3 days bc I was so damn frightened.i only opened it back because everyone was telling me to communicate.
Both DMs from those two accs were sent at a 15 min intervals. one was a cryptic ominous "You". The other was a long text message about how he was upset and he didn't get why I did what I did (I felt bad of course, bc again I didn't say anything instead my people-pleasing ass was just going w the flow until it all became too much). then he started victimising himself, said things like he'll heal on his own, he will stay strong. he even gaslit me and said "he forgave me" lmao. he said he didn't see the point of ig anymore (the ig he used to contact me was a burner account. i was the only mutual) so he disabled all three accounts.
his final text was him giving out his phone number if i ever wanted to talk to him. so although all his accounts were disabled, i could still text these accounts from laptop (glitch). so i lied and said i had a bf (bc ya... i didn't want the blame all on me) and that this "bf" wasnt happy w me talking to other guys so i did what he told me. i told denial i was sorry repeatedly. that he deserved a meaningful friendship with someone else. because the guilt ate me alive. he's sent his phone no. before on 3 diff occasions btw. the first one, I told him I was uncomfortable w sharing. so in that final text to him, I made it clear that i was NOT gonna text him through whatsapp (that's just asking for it). i told him this already. then consumed by anger, i retorted saying that i mentioned friends give each other space, but he chose to ignore that. and also "please don't create any more new accounts to text me. it makes me feel unsafe." the end
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