#it’s been 4 months I’m sick of it

[killerandhealerqueen]

If anyone needs me, I’m going to be lying in bed wallowing in a mixture of frustration and anger at how fucking hard it is to be an adult and how fucking hard it is to find a job

#sass rants #i am fucking OVER IT #i’m over applying for jobs only to either get rejected or to make it to the first interview only to not hear back #i’m sick and tired of having to worry about shit like gas and groceries and student-fucking-loans that are coming up #my parents are helping me right now and I’m super grateful to them #but i can’t rely on them forever #it’s been almost 4 months!! #it should not be this fucking hard to find a god damn job #i am qualified education wise i just don’t have the experience but i can’t fucking get the experience if i DON’T GET A FUCKING JOB #ignore me i’m tired and frustrated and irritated

[tumblinglikeduckling]

It was snowing so drew a Miya 4 doodle in it :D

#they’re barely visible #but that doesn’t matter #it’s the thought that matters heheh #it’s been very cold this past month and I’ve been complaining about cold without snow just being miserable so I’m very pleased now #also… might have gotten myself sick because I rode my bike too fast this morning I -6 degrees celcius and apparently it gets colder when yo #go fast or something?? well my dad told me.. #anyway :)) #Miya 4 #doodles #snow #haikyuu #miya atsumu #miya osamu #sakusa kiyoomi #suna rintarou #sakuatsu #sunaosa

[magdalenas]

honestly i think being sick and losing weight has caused me to be sick like .. mentally

#i Can eat again but now i’m obsessing over what i eat and how much #bc everyone keeps complimenting me for how i look & losing weight #even tho at least part of it is bc i was too sick to eat for an entire month 😐 #like i was acting … very disordered this evening #i didn’t eat until like 4:30-5pm today and bc i ate so late i decided i wouldn’t eat again #but i was hungry at like 9:30 and ultimately i did have a little snack #but i acted very … just very unwell about the whole situation #disordered eating tw #proana d0 n0t int3r@ct #like it’s pulling me into bad behaviors & thought patterns #that i haven’t dealt with in a while #and i fear i’m like .. one step away from not being able to eat unless i get high first again which i fr just kicked that habit #but the problem now is i don’t even get high that often anymore like sans the teensiest bit of weed i smoked on sunday i haven’t been high #in like 2 weeks .. so im worried i will just like .. not be able to eat bc im not even getting high 😳 #and i feel like if i do gain any weight back i’ll be like .. crazy evil to myself so it’s like .. idk what to do #uhm anyway ..

[mandaloriandragontrainer]

Dear Callum was the most romantic thing I’ve ever read and then the actual season gave us nothing…. how am I supposed to cope?

#I’m sorry I’ll try to keep this my only salty post #I liked the season overall… didn’t love it #but I’m gutted over rayllum #feeling pretty sick to my stomach if I think about it #how am I supposed to go another 6+ months not knowing if they’ll be okay? #what if they’re never the way they were again? #I’ve been so hyperfixation for almost 4 straight months now #the dragon prince #the dragon prince: mystery of aaravos #rayllum #tdp spoilers

[my-cages-were-mental]

i got a little bit of inspirational stuff for y’all lol.

just because you started off on the wrong foot does not mean you can’t fix your step.

#i’m gonna bring my personal life into this when i say #when i forgot got my job #i started off on the wrong foot. #i was sick multiple times in the first month of working there and called in sick 3 times. #i also left 4 hours early once because i was sick. #it looked really really bad #because it looked like i was constantly calling in just to skip. #i also made many mistakes which nobody else seemed to make. #and i felt horrible. #i could tell i was annoying people and i was one of those ‘call in just to skip’ people. even though i wasn’t. #but then i was able to regain my step. #i now have a good rep with both the main supervisor and our (old supervisor) new manager. #they almost never send me home early because they like me. #i’ve been told on various occasions i’m a hard worker. #or a good worker. #the supervisor especially has actually been happy when she finds out i’m in working at the same time as her. #i haven’t called in sick since mid october. #so guys; just because you start off poorly doesn’t mean you can’t get yourself on the right track. #you just have to try. #love u all <3 #abi rambles #inspiration #inspirational abi #inspirational quotes #inspirational

[broflovski-brah]

i love how i’m barely a month and a half into school and i’m already burnt out

(self harm tw in the tags)

#seriously i have so much shit going on #i have an essay and a debate coming up about opposing view points #i have to finish a geometry test that i know i did bad on because i’m shit at math #i have to prepare for a deal of biliteracy test and i have a state checkpoint exam coming up for spanish #ap world history is absolute dog water #the only thing in history i was good at was belief systems and religions #i have a test in this class tomorrow too #and i already have a bad grade by my standards in that class #and i know im falling behind but i just can’t seem to catch back up #and chemistry this year is so visually taxing that i literally feel sick whenever im in that class #and i know my parents are gonna kill me if i get bad grades because i ‘don’t study enough’ #and the thought of being yelled at again over grades makes me literally feel like im gonna have a panic attack like #this happens every year. i fumble and then i get in trouble because apparently i didn’t study enough #and i hate school because i always end up relapsing like once a month #and im currently 3 or 4 months clean and im nervous it’s gonna happen again because i don’t know how to handle stress #tw self harm #and then there’s my brother who’s in the top five of his class and i can barely scrape by in geometry because i’m a fucking moron #and i literally can’t live up to his level #it’s been like this forever though #i legitimately feel sick #i could hardly get out of bed this morning #and if i don’t get into national honors society my parents are never going to let me live it down #school literally makes me miserable #the only thing i look forward to is art class and even that is losing my interest #im not good enough #im never going to be good enough for anyone #skipper speaks #vent #not south park

[ask-twistedgravekeeper]

Update

I’ll be back some time in August.

Sorry to those who’ve messaged me here or on discord and I haven’t replied, just really been going through it these past few months but thinks have finally calmed down a bit so I’ll hopefully be back soon.

#some health and family stuff #but the main thing has been my 18 year old cat getting sick repeatedly #I’ve had her since she was 4 months old #so it’s just been really tearing me apart as I prepare for what likely to come #it’s kinda just destroyed what mental stability I’d recovered at the start of the year #also my partner went back to America and I’m not gonna get to see them for ✨14 months✨ #so yeah just been trying to put things in order to try and stay sane

[rithmeres]

ive been off my hormones for almost two weeks because i forgot to order more and maybe its gonna be one of those ‘stopping my meds because i feel fine but then the Symptoms come back oh no turns out the meds actually do something’ type beat but i feel GREAT rn 🤪 im so present in my life and my energy levels are way up and im way less prone to doomspiraling and i actually feel motivated. might mess around and stay off bc for a month or more just to see what happens

#this entire post is hubris talking. lest i forget artificial estrogen is the only reason i’m not bedridden 1-3 days out of the month #and sick 1 out of every 4 weeks #i never wanted to go on birth control it was a last resort but it was the only thing that worked. but perhaps i would like to be free #also i’ve been peeing SO MUCH which makes sense bc i remember not peeing and gaining a bunch of water weight when i first started #the adjustment period is typically 3 months so i could feel fine for a month or two and then boom. symptoms.

[petitgalaxy]

..

#i ran out of tags on the last post AJSJSJS #SO i cant close my eye or use my mouth as well as i normally can and my eye hurts like a bitch #dr gave me 1) a second round of antibiotics 2) swimmer’s ear meds which my parents had to pay for out of pocket (like $90!!!) #3) steroids for the paralysis 4) yeast infection meds bc last time i got one #5) artificial tears to keep my eye nice n lubed up since it can’t CLOSE #so now i’m all full of meds that are making my stomach hurt a fuck ton and fucking with my appetite and making me hot and flushed and angry #i can’t see super well and i cant hear out of the one ear literally at all so stuff like retail job and lab work with classmates are hard #i’m exhausted and sick and have no motivation for schoolwork which I already was struggling w as a result of autistic burnout and PDA #i also do think that this is a hilarious set of unfortunate circumstances and yesterday i was very giggly abt it but today i’m just pissed #i can’t sleep well under the best of circumstances and tonight i rly cant #i tried to go to bed early bc i’m so tired and i need to force myself to go to classes tomorrow since i’ve been skipping a lot of them #my profs know abt the issues btw but :))) academia is hell if you’re at all sick or disabled or having mental health problems or whatever #no room for flexibility or adaptation in my experience #anyway i just wanted to vent for a while!!! #i am not in danger or anything and i’m not a threat to myself or others or anything scary #just frustrated and sick #the paralysis should go away within weeks to months 🙃 #for some people it never goes away 🙃 #so fingers crossed #but i am thankful to have meds readily accessible even tho they’re expensive and stupid #that’s all!! time to put my sleep mask back on and try to pass out #i tried taping my eye shut per doc recommendation but it wouldn’t stick #💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

[phyllosilicate-s]

Thinking about how the Duffer Bros gave me a character I ACTUALLY related to after 4 seasons and they killed him in one of the most painful ways possible.

No cuz, like, Eddie was me in high school but much more outgoing. I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was well into adulthood, and it’s just so glaringly obvious that he had it as well (albeit unconfirmed but iykyk). And just like… I grew so attached to him so quickly and the Suffer Bros were like “so anyway, can the metalhead. Just kill him, no one is gonna care” despite the fact that there were outcries for characters like Alexei & Barb, just not at this magnitude. You’d think they would’ve learned by now but alas, lazy writing.

#stranger things #joseph quinn #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #i’m sick #it just sucks cuz it’s hard for me to relate to a lot of characters in media ygm? #anyway someone talk to me about him #like send me asks idc #I’m just still not having a good time almost 3 months later:( #I’ve never really been this attached to a character either so it stings

[yslglasses]

.

#i hate to be that type of person but #i want to cry from stress so badly #i am so stressed over money lmao. i haven’t been able to work for like 4 months cus my osteomyelitis and my seizures #i know nobody gives a fuck nor will help which i get. i’m just so stressed i keep making myself Physically sick idk what else to do #i’m really not expecting anything but i’m just so stressed and idk what to do lol #i’ve been filing unemployment but they’re so backed up again im just stressed. i’ve been still paying bills with what little i DO have #i know nobody will: which i understand #but if anyone can spare like anything so i can ✨live✨ until my elbow is healed enough for me to work-i’d cry from appreciation #and i’m just like ahaha 🤪🔫💀🪦👻 #anything would help but i do understand #venmo is teapxnk #paypal is teapunk #.

[ultraviolencced]

the only thing keeping me alive is paul and my cat

#not good today lads #like my pilots tattoos aren’t even doing the trick #i have 0 people irl to talk to or spend time with when i feel this way #can’t go to my sister or mom the only people i interact with daily #i spend all day everyday on the verge of tears #i don’t do anything i can’t work i dropped out of college twice from different schools #the last time i saw anyone i consider a friend was in september when we trespassed on a dairy to spend time with cows #she’s not like a super close friend she’s my best activist friend but vigils kinda stopped and that’s the only time i spent time with other #people and like vigils aren’t fun like being at a slaughterhouse isn’t a fun hangout #we would always smoke weed after which was good but that’s not a thing anymore #i’m just an inconvenience for everyone whether or not they actually say it it’s true #i haven’t been able to give my mom rent since 2020 i don’t have an actual income my ssi application hasn’t been processed even tho i filed #it in 2020 i was able to get food assistance but not cash assistance i have to drive to a doctors office 45 miles from me once a month and #gas is $4 now and i can’t afford that my sister hasn’t payed me for the phone bill which is $60 #the seattle trip was such a horrible idea and i never should have done it #it was so expensive and i should have never thought it was a good idea the rental car was more expensive than it was supposed to be #the hotel should have been $129 and pre paid but it was $280 which took almost all of my money after i paid the phone bill and insurance #the only time i leave the house is to go to the fucking hospital twice a week and every few months a doctors office and for what #like it’s not really doing anything but slow the progression of it but like im still sick nothing will change that there’s no cure #shut the fuck up taylor

[badolmen]

If I’m doomed to wake up at 2AM sweating to death even though it’s 20 degrees cooler than when I fell asleep I’m going to become a vigilante.

#ra speaks #personal #vent ish #August 15 I see my primary it’s less than a month away I can cope #i haven’t gotten a full nights sleep in months #7-9 PM I sweat to death then I finally fall asleep by 10-11 then by 2 I’m up again until I fall asleep at 4 and my alarm goes off #violence killing maiming biting etc. #I’m stressed that my doc is gonna need blood work and like. i do not live at home anymore and I’m driving 3 hours to get there for one day. #idk if/when I’ll have to time to do blood work esp. if it’s fasting. #also FUCK this morning sickness bullshit it’s not fair I’m not even pregnant wtf is wrong w me #I’ve figured I have a hormonal imbalance for like a year now idk why it’s been so consistent and so so bad the last few months

[thecoolestfreakyouknow]

Got a sneaky suspicion I’ve got a chest infection. Not surprised

#I’ve been majorly stressing out about my salary and paying bills for the last 4 months #AND I just started applying elsewhere and I’m trying to do phd stuff at the same time #it was bound to all come crashing down and make me sick. I’m a huge worry wart and it physically fucks you up

[hecate-fem]

Right before I go to sleep my period is making me feel sick.

#it’s gotten heavier #last month I leaked for the first time in years #and before that I had a dizzy spell bc of how heavy it was #if I wake up tomorrow feeling sick I’m skipping class #I’ve been unwell for the last 4 days I just want to feel ok again #diary post

[steviescrystals]

i fear this is the end for me y’all

#one of the stores i work at does curbside pickup orders and they have been literally nonstop since the second i got here #so im just running around constantly in a sweatshirt in a store that’s 85 degrees bc they’re too cheap to run the air conditioning #and i’ve literally been sick for a month #AND the other closer called out so i’m alone in my department from 4-11 pm #please kill me #lj.txt