#it’s beef but in my defense I am going to make it with brown rice and bell peppers into a nice skillet lunch for a few days

[snowyseahorse]

All of them

why do you do this to me

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

Are We There Yet by Timeflies and Chase Rice

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Where to find Better People

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Pulling myself out of my worst emotional/mental state like a year ago and evolving because of it (and I guess my grades too lol I have a 4.0 and I’m taking 4 AP tests monday-wednesday)

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Dancing in my room and Feeling Good

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I’d tell the truth more and tell people I love them and take easy classes because What’s The Point and make out with more people (I haven’t made out with anyone in like 6 months I’m sad) and get my driver’s license and cry more

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

I don’t! I just want to be happy. Nothing else matters.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Jeremy @diediedie000000000000000000000 is my closest friend right now and he’s fantastic. He has the most confusing eating habits and I don’t even try to understand them; he’ll eat like 3 servings worth of pastries and beef jerkey and sunflower seeds and 5 thin mints for breakfast. His metabolism is golden too, so he eats so much but has no body weight or fat. His hair is black and long enough to run my fingers through, which always messes it up. (but he says he enjoys it so it’s all good) He likes the aesthetic when it’s wet and all over the place, but doesn’t like actually having wet hair. His skin is perfect too and he has cute little freckles below his eyes that make him look like a literal angel. He doesn’t like drawing attention to himself but is a sluT for attention from his friends, so when I randomly take pictures of him he looks so bashful and pleased and adorable and tries so hard not to smile. On FaceTime sometimes he’ll just straight-up ask for attention and I turn off my laptop and we both lay down on our beds and make noises at each other. It’s so hard to believe that he used to ignore me in the hallways because he’s shy. I’d pass him and call his name or touch his shoulders and he wouldn’t even make eye contact. He also lied and said that he doesn’t like cuddles, and now he’s one of the most physically affectionate people I’ve ever met. (he also said that he didn’t like to say “I love you” to his friends and guess what else changed) Even at school he’ll get really close and just touch my leg or my side. (our computer graphics 2 class probably all thinks we’re dating) He does this cute thing where if I pet his nose he like leans his head into my hand like a cat and my brain is just like oh my gosh protect this human. He has a lot of cute mannerisms too. When I’m on the call and he has to put his phone down he makes the same little face that he uses for literally every snapchat he sends, with his lips pressed together and his eyebrows raised. If he’s explaining something really intensely he will sometimes curve his fingers like he’s holding two tennis balls and tense up his entire body. He’s an enneagram 4, which basically means that he gets high off of being special, and we use it as a meme when we’re talking about him. Whenever I do something weird I ask him if it “satisfies his ennegram 4” and he replies that it does. He also likes doing things that make him feel closer to someone, I guess because it reaffirms his importance and reliance. Wearing no makeup or having messy hair or singing in front of him are things he really appreciates(I’ve done all three). I’m painting him as really soft and pure but he also can be quick to retaliate (”if someone starts something, you can be sure I’ll finish it”) or become defensive if he considers himself provoked. He doesn’t like having people dislike him though, and is really proud of not hating anyone or having any real enemies. His memory is terrible, especially at night, and honestly it’s a miracle if he remembers anything that happens past 9pm. Even his short term memory after dark is pitiful. There was one night where I tested him and told him to remember a song, and 10 minutes later when I asked he has no idea what I was talking about. I’d ask him to corroborate the story but there’s no chance that he remembers. The lack of memory makes him really doubtful of facts too. My favorite test is to ask “Jeremy, did I grow up in a fjord?” (I didn’t) and he usually starts with “no”, but if after he answers I don’t say anything, he always changes to “yes?” and prompts my “JeremY, this literally happens every time. You KNOW that I didn’t, and just because I stay silent doesn’t mean that you’re wrong.” Am I a bad person? He really just needs to be protected; I’m so worried that one day he’ll literally sell his soul or do drugs or blow all of his money and just think nothing of it. I would never trust Jeremy with finances. He’s an impulse buyer, and sometimes also gives people way too much money to eat spicy food or something else unpleasant; it drives me insane because I despisE spending money. Video games are another one of his vices. He’s amazing at every game he plays. It’s really just excessive at this point. Pokemon is his childhood and he destroys me on Pokemon Showdown constantly. (I’ve never played a proper pokemon game) He got me into PS, eating in my room, and RWBY, and I introduced him to Be More Chill and Heathers and Hamilton. He can sing really well, which is only further proof that he’s actually an angel. I feel like we have a pretty good balance as friends. He tackles his emotions head-on while I avoid them at all costs. He like to be able to rely on other people and I only want to rely on myself. He only owns one pair of shoes (by choicE) and I love feeling pretty by wearing makeup and outfits I like. He keeps his family out of his social life and I tell mine everything. He’s a wonderful friend and I don’t deserve him at all but I try my best to.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Yes! My family is wonderful so I got lucky.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

I don’t know. I usually don’t. It was probably Jeremy though.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Jeremy,,,,,, because he’s my closest friend.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

To an extent. It depends on who they are.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

I haven’t stayed up until 3am probably since I was dating my ex boyfriend, so him.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

Probably tell my mom that I love and appreciate her.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They wonderful and u n i q u e

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“It is a dangerous thing to unbelieve something only because it frightens you“ - Cheshire Cat in the book “Heartless“ (I just really like it because it’s so consistent with truth and fighting against oneself)

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

I don’t know, maybe something about evolving and getting through thing and becoming better. Maybe “Better” because it also aligns with the OneRepublic song

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

I hate spending money, I’d probably just hold onto it forever

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I used to be more so, but life isn’t as black and white as it used to be. 

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Literally 12 year old me was doing fine. She doesn’t need a letter. 14 year old me maybe did.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

pastel

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I don’t think I’ll get any more piercing than the ones in my ears now because earrings irritate my ears and it just wouldn’t be worth it. I like the look of tattoos that are slightly darker than the skin, and are on the person’s hands or waist, but I probably won’t get any. I don’t know. People can do whatever they want with their bodies.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, concealer, some highlighter. I just like the look of it.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. 

I don’t know, but TOP is always a good choice for this. I made my Depression Castle in minecraft listening to them.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

I believe in you

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

The only one that made me feel anything was when I saw OneRepublic with my ex boyfriend. He started talking about depression and my hearT.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I’ve talked about the first person I was in love with, and I’d probably want the letter to be from her because we don’t talk that much now. We’re going to prom in the same group and she’s going to be so gorgeous and I’m going to gravitate to her like I always do and I don’t know. I just want to know that she doesn’t hate me.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

Yes! I’m sentimental as hec and so I have pieces of paper from my friends and small things and sticky notes all over the back. (actually I calligraphied “Riley” and “Katherine” onto sticky notes a while ago to put there because I don’t have anything physical to remind me of you two)

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Call Jeremy, brush my teeth, floss, I’m probably already in pajamas, take my makeup off, unmake my bed, take my bra off, get into bed, say goodnight, sleeP

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

That I masturbate………. My mom was talking once about how I might not orgasm until I’m in my 20s and that’s ok, and I just kind of laughed. It would probably be fine if I told her but ya know

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I just redyed it pink today!

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Jeremy, Marissa(she doesn’t have a tumblr), @parksandrecmeup, @sparklygemsuniverse, and @internet-pringle and honestly I’d go anywhere with them

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Happiness (it’s what I always wish for at 11:11)

That my future will be wonderful

That the world will improve

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

When I was smol my mom sewed this thick piece of fabric together and we painted and stick feathers to a mask so that I could be Hedwig from Harry Potter. I was so warmmmmmm

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Never been either because I’m boring

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Kill someone

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, because I can still go about my normal life and interact with society

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Twice! The second time was better and softer. I was always smiling and happy, and texted him 24/7. My heart felt like it glowed.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Nah. I like my hair

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Hot chocolate because I Avoid starbucks, and anyone can order for me tbh

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Myself *sunglasses emoji* (I’d say Jeremy but like he doesn’t need my help, my main goal is helping myself)

#well theres a long rant in there #can you find it