#it’s bc of the unspoken rule that this shit is just called venting. you don’t get stupid things like advice or ‘this is what you have to do’

[die-with-me-dazai]

So do you ship chuuya and Dazai in a romantic sense? Bc I don't and I often feel like I'm on of the few or the only person who sees Dazai and Chuuya's relationship from a different view than most ppl

Okay so I’m SO sorry it took me so ridiculously long to reply to this. I’m not the best with words/directly explaining how I feel/think so I thought if I really took my time to think about this I’d come up with a good way to explain it but unfortunately I just can’t seem to find the right words so I’m just going to do my best now since I can’t bear to let this sit unanswered for yet another day.

So I feel Dazai needs someone who really knows him. Now that doesn’t mean understands him but I feel that Chuuya is more than familiar with Dazai as a person and knows him better than just about anyone else, except maybe Mori and the other older mafia members that watched Dazai grow up. But even then, there’s a certain level of intimacy in peer relationships vs parent/child or even elder/younger sibling relationships.  Dazai needs someone who knows him well enough to know when something isn’t right and that will call him out on it instead of just accepting “that’s just Dazai”. Now in their case that wouldn’t mean your typical fluffy emotional comfort scenario, but more of a “hey stop fuckin around and get your shit done” kind of thing meant to snap Dazai out of whatever thoughts are consuming him at the time.

I feel that while Chuuya and Dazai may not exactly like each other, they still care about each other to an extent because they know each other and there’s a certain comfort in that, even though I think to Dazai that’s both a good and bad thing. I think he tends to keep Chuuya at a comfortable distance emotionally, so while it feels nice to know someone really knows you, sometimes (rarely in Dazai’s case) it can be terrifying realizing they knew you better than you thought and they’re closer than you’d like them to be.

Now in the Mafia there is that unspoken rule “No one will look at what’s in their colleagues. They will not open up the lid over one’s chest to look at their heart and comment at the darkness stuffed within.” (-Odasaku in the Dark Era light novel) so I doubt either has ever tried to pry into the other’s deeper emotions, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t wondered about them.  I’d find it hard to believe that Chuuya has never considered prying at some point, even if it was only one, fleeting thought. While canonically I can’t see Chuuya ever digging into that, personally I’d love for him to try, because like Odasaku said in the light novel, “Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.” and I can’t think of anyone better to do that than Chuuya, the person who’s known him and worked beside him as an equal since they were young; the person who most likely knows him better than anyone else. However, despite not necessarily being that emotionally close, we do know Chuuya does care about Dazai at least a little bc he’s clearly concerned about him when he gets injured in the Lovecraft fight.

In Dazai’s case I feel he’s so deeply hurt that he tries to keep from feeling anything too deep for anyone (“Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.” [It wouldn’t surprise me if part of his reasoning for not wanting to get close to anyone during his mafia days would be because life in the mafia is fleeting, people die every day and it’d hurt like hell to get attached to someone just to lose them *cough*Odasaku*cough*.]) But despite this he still longs for some form of friendship and closeness, as we see in his relationship with Oda and Ango. After finding out about Ango and losing Oda his walls most likely rose higher than ever, afraid to let himself hope for that closeness with anyone else ever again, for fear of tragically losing them just like Oda and Ango. I’m sure that losing them just confirmed his belief that everything worth having is lost the moment he obtains it, so now I bet it’s even harder for him to truly let anyone truly close because it’s already been more than proven to be right.Except Chuuya was there before that. Chuuya was already more or less close before Dazai’s walls grew. After all, I doubt anyone could be partners with someone for so long and never develop the slightest care for them.Now this is just my personal headcanon, but I feel like the reason he set a bomb under Chuuya’s car the night he left was to get rid of the last person who’s relatively close to him, the last person he felt anything for, the last person within those newly built walls that he had ever felt even the slightest emotion for.  However we know he’s a genius when it comes to setting traps to capture or kill, so if he truly wanted Chuuya dead I’m sure he would’ve set up something much more elaborate and sure to kill than just a bomb under his car. So if he really didn’t care about Chuuya, he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to kill him. But I think part of him still longs for that deeper relationship with someone, and since Chuuya is the closest thing he has left, he didn’t fully want to lose him too.We also know that Dazai is soft towards Chuuya when he knows Chuuya won’t hear (and when he’s not around others he’s familiar with), like when Chuuya passed out after using corruption. As much as I think Dazai tries not to get too attached to anyway, I think he does indeed care about Chuuya and considers him a friend, though he would never admit it, since they’ve known each other so long and I’m willing to bet Chuuya’s been there through most of Dazai’s ups and downs in the mafia. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he was ever there for Dazai as a friend or emotional vent or anything, I’m just saying that during Dazai’s time in the mafia, Chuuya was more or less there. Maybe just in the background, but I can’t imagine that familiarity wouldn’t at least provide a small amount of comfort, even if it’s just bc he’s fun to tease and make fun of.

I guess what I’m saying is I think that while both Chuuya and Dazai care about each other, I don’t think canonically either would ever admit it to anyone, and certainly not each other. But as much as I’m a stickler for canon, I personally love soft fluffy romantic ships so I can’t help loving the idea of one taking care of the other when they’re emotionally vulnerable. Like I said at the beginning of this, I think Dazai needs someone who, while they may not understand him, knows him and would be willing to make him open up and vent all the pent up emotions he has bottled up inside. I can’t help but think that if he were to be found in such an emotional state (despite how highly unlikely I feel that is for him) that Chuuya would know the best way to help and care for him, since he’s known him for so long and would be able and unafraid to call him out when he needed it.

TL;DR: Canonically I see Soukoku as partners that care about each other but refuse to admit it, but personally my deep desire to see Dazai emotionally open, cared for, and happy makes me ship it romantically as I think Chuuya knows him better than anyone else and would potentially be softer towards him if he would just let him in. If that makes any sense at all….

Again sorry this took so long to answer. I hope my ridiculously long explanation makes some sort of sense, if it doesn’t I’m really sorry.

#ask #asks #answers #I’m horrible with words and explaining things I’m sorry #dead apple might come out and destroy every headcanon I have #but this is my take on Soukoku so far #idk I’m probably way off #anon #anonymous #I actually have more to say but idk how and figured I’d shut up here #since this is already ridiculously long enough #this took me 5 hours to answer #bc I wanted to word things right and make them sound right #and hopefully explain right #Soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #Dazai #Chuuya