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#it would be impressive if it weren’t so depressing to me
writtenbymoonflower · 2 months
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Hi! Can I please request a poly!Marauders x reader where the reader has a secret admirer? The reader is receiving anonymous gifts and letters, making the boys anxious and jealous. If not, it's okay! Thank you, author-san!
omg i love this! thank you so much, baby, hope this is okay! gn!reader x poly!marauders
cw: jealousy and possessiveness, borderline harassment and stalking, hickey
1.1k words
You groaned loudly when you opened the front door only to be greeted by yet another bouquet of flowers. You begrudgingly brought the arrangement into the house, setting it on the countertop. 
"Again? That’s like the third this week, and it’s only Wednesday." Sirius said, exasperated and (almost) as annoyed as you. 
"Fifth, actually." You hated that you were complaining, you knew you were technically very lucky to receive all these gifts, it was just distressing. And to be frank, getting very old.
"Christ, this person is thirsty." Sirius’ voice was strained, clearly more anxious than he was wanting to let on. 
"At least it seems they don’t have much of a chance, anyone worth their salt knows that you hate roses, angel." James said, between mouthfuls of his sandwich. 
"I know," You cringed. "Who should I give these to this time? Lily has enough flowers to open a shop" You rolled your eyes. "Speaking of," You reached into your work bag and pulled out two boxes. "There were chocolates at my work when I got there yesterday, and a pair of earrings on monday." You walked over to where Remus and Sirius were cuddled on the couch. 
“Geez, dove. Are we gonna have to step up our game?” Remus said, voice tinged with jealousy. 
"No, this person needs to step down. Or at least give me a return address or something. All the notes say is ‘from someone who appreciates you, xx.’ It’s actually kind of distressing." You handed the smaller box of earrings to Sirius, "Are these your style, honey?" 
"What? You don’t want them?" He sounded surprised. Of course you didn’t! Why would you need presents from a random person when you have three boys who give you all the love you could ever need? (and in the way you like it)
"No, I would feel weird wearing them." You cringed, handing the larger box to Remus. "You can have these, I don’t even like cherry chocolate." Remus took the box like it was filled with poison, a disgusted tilt to his lips, just as Sirius dramatically dropped the jewelry box onto the coffee table. 
"I don’t know whose grubby paws have been on this box." He sneered. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, looking over to James who was still in the kitchen. He had set his sandwich down and was looking like a kicked puppy. It made your heart crack.
"Jamie, what’s wrong baby? Come here." You beckoned him over. He rushed to your side, placing his hand protectively on your shoulder and gripping you tight. You looked at your other two boyfriends, Remus’ jaw was clenched tight and Srius was still looking at the box and scowling. 
"I jus’ don’t like it." James said from your side, his voice was small like a child's. 
"Wait, hold on," You said, "Are you all actually worried about this?"
"Define ‘worried’ lovely," Remus said, his voice an awful mix of venomous and depressed. “I don’t think any of us like knowing there’s someone out there fighting for your affections.” His eyes had an angry glint to them. 
“Guys,” You said, your heart only breaking further. “You have nothing to be worried about, okay?” James’ grip tightened on you. “There is absolutely no competition here, I’m not even giving these the time of day. I don’t want anything to do with the gifts or the person sending them.” 
“But you would if we weren’t in the picture.” Sirius said quietly, all too insecure for your liking. You wormed your way out of James’ grasp, resulting in a whine being pulled from his throat, to crouch in front of Sirius. You grabbed his pretty face in your hands, looking into his sad eyes. 
“No, I wouldn’t. I’m not impressed by these gifts.” You took a deep breath, not wanting to confess the next part and worry your boyfriends worse. “They actually kind of scare me.” You admitted, making all their eyes snap to you. 
“Scared? Of what, darlin’?” James piped up. 
“I just,” You cringed. “I don’t like knowing that there is someone this obsessed with me and I don’t know who they are. And that they know where I live and where I work. I mean, who knows how much they know?” 
“Well now I feel like an arse.” Sirius grabbed you from the floor and hauled you onto the couch with him and Remus, wrapping himself tightly around you. “Here I was thinking this person was gonna get you away from us, not knowing they were worrying you.” 
“You’re not, I promise!” You reassured. “Honestly, if there was someone doing all this for you three I would be really jealous too.” You placed a hand on two of your boyfriends’ thighs, looking over at James, who was still sulking, now sitting on the coffee table in front of you. “But I can assure you, even if I found out who this person was, they, and no one else, would be able to take me from you three. You aren’t getting rid of me that easy. Besides, I don’t like stalkers.” You joked. 
Remus pulled you closer to him, gentle but still much more aggressive than usual. Your other two boyfriends had settled, but he was still heated. 
“Remmy,” You turned to face him. “I promise, you have nothing to worry about.” 
“I know,” He grunted, burying his face into your neck. You wanted to shrink at the ticklish feeling but you allowed him to stay there, knowing he needed it. Remus had a jealous streak, perhaps the most of all your boyfriends. James and Sirius were more subtle in their protectiveness, but Remus started marking you all like a wolf anytime someone let their gaze linger too long. You buried your fingers in his hair and scratched his scalp, trying to relax him. 
“As soon as I find out who this is I will get them to stop, I promise.” You said vehemently. You looked guiltily at all your boyfriends, “I’m sorry this is happening, it isn’t fair to you all.” 
“It’s not your fault, dolly.” Sirius placed his hand on your back. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, you aren’t asking for this.” You were about to hug him, but Remus held fast around your waist, you started to protest, but you felt Remus’ lips latch to a spot on your neck, nibbling and sucking hard enough to sting, but not hurt. The sound you let out was half giggle and half moan.
“Christ, Moons!” James barked, “You trying to brand them or something?” The three of you started giggling like children. Remus released your skin from his teeth, observing the red and purple splotch that was left in his wake. 
“Gotta make sure they know what’s mine.” He said, possessively. “Don’t worry," His eyes glinted furiously at your two other boyfriends, "you two are next.” 
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pinkiceee-prose · 8 months
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Summertime Service
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Summary: Reader throws the BAU team a summer barbeque feast. Spencer is so moved by her hard work that he feels there's only one way to truly show her his gratitude.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Category: Smut (18+, minors DNI)
Content Warnings: coworker relationship, descriptions of food, mutual pining, heavy kissing, praise, worship, begging, leg and feet massages, use of a gendered nickname ("pretty girl"), fingering, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, reader wears a sundress. please let me know if I missed any!
Author's Notes: This is the first fic I've written and published in a very long time, so please let me know if you enjoyed it and would like more! Huge thank you to the lovely @fortheloveofwonderland for reading over this for me 💗 Also, this was written as a part of @imagining-in-the-margins's Summer Sunshine Challenge!☀️
Word Count: 6.1k
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As you stepped out onto Rossi’s patio, the summer sun beat down on the skin of your exposed shoulders. The different, yet still prevalent heat radiating from the large serving dish of meat you carried also played a role in the ever-present sweat gathering on your upper body, but you trekked through the grass with a smile, attempting to appear unaffected.
Tara and Luke rushed to help relieve you of the burden in your arms, but you insisted they refrain.
“Ah, nope! This barbeque is all about you guys, okay—no helping!” You said to their many protests. Lightheartedly dejected they sat back down, offering their thanks as they helped themselves to the food.
You set down the tray amongst a swarm of arms crossing, reaching for utensils in bowls of potato salad and plates of freshly grilled vegetables. You took a moment to admire the feast occurring before you, then turned on your heel to fetch more.
You and Penelope had made this plan weeks ago, just as summer was beginning to heat up and just around the time you’d joined the BAU team as Emily’s personal assistant. After a series of difficult and depressing cases, Penelope suggested that a family get-together was in order, and she enlisted your help to plan it. She, with Rossi’s help, secured the tables and canopies for the event, while you handled the menu and the serving.
You weren’t much of a gourmet chef, but you had a few tried-and-true summer recipes in your back pocket for times like these. From years of family barbeques of your own, you’d honed techniques for preparing brisket and grilling chicken, and you’d also learned a thing or two about making macaroni and cheese and fruit salad.
Under the shade of your sundress, nerves wracked your steps. Despite the bubbly facade and easy-going assurances to the team that you didn’t need any assistance, tremors radiated through your body with each dish that was carried to the outdoor tables. The shaking wasn’t due to their weight or your lack of strength; it could all be attributed to anxiety and stress and upcoming exhaustion.
This was the first time you were attending a BAU “family” event — let alone orchestrating one — so you had put a lot of pressure on yourself to impress the team.
They saved lives and solved crimes across the country while you did mostly clerical work — filed papers and answered phone calls. The division of labor was definitely lopsided, and you felt a certain level of gratitude was in order for the team. For those who did impactful work.
Just as you’d returned to Rossi’s kitchen to retrieve another dish for the table, Spencer appeared behind you. His subtle cologne filled the air; despite summer raging on outside, he smelled of autumn with his cinnamon and coffee scent. The heat of his arm rose goosebumps up your body, but he shifted to stand next to you before anyone could notice the proximity.
“Let me help, please,” He whispered, prolonging the physical contact that was typically out of character for him. As if all the heat of summer wasn’t enough, the pool of warmth he summoned inside you lit aflame with his pleas. When you finally met his eye, that fire reached your cheeks before you could do much to hide it.
Something that you’d once brushed off as a workplace crush blossomed between you and Spencer. Although you weren’t together, there was no denying the tension felt between you two when your hands brushed at the coffee counter in the office, or when you lingered over his shoulder for just a second more than necessary when passing out case files.
Lately, it had been a lot more difficult to will the thoughts away with how the heat of the season forced Spencer to shed his typical layers of clothing. Even now, he stood beside you in a simple polo shirt that clung to his chest. You could almost feel the buttons between your fingers, sliding through the fabric as your eyes grazed over him — but the oven alarm began to blare, dragging you away from the fantasy.
“Spencer,” You took a few steps away from him, pulling a few dishes from the oven and placing them on the counter. You failed to hide the smirk his presence pulled out of you. “You know this is supposed to be about appreciating the team’s hard work. You should be relaxing!”
He rolled his eyes at your insistence, then glanced over his shoulder to ensure no one had yet to notice his absence. Luckily, they were still all consumed by the fruits of your labor — literally and metaphorically.
“Your hard work should be recognized too. You’re going to overexert yourself,” His pleas felt like music and dissonance in your ears. On one hand, the attention he paid you made your knees weak, and it was obvious by the heavy breath in your chest that you enjoyed his company. But on the other hand, you felt resolute in the objective to purely serve the team tonight. The desire to praise them for their work — the desire to feel accepted by them — triumphed over the crush you’d developed on Spencer, at least for now.
“I’ll be fine. Now go back and enjoy before someone else thinks I’m accepting helpers,” You responded, flashing a tender smile as Spencer stayed in hesitation. A flash of something crossed over his eyes — irritation, desire, annoyance, or pity, you couldn’t quite tell. All you could recognize was the way his feet dragged in defeat, leaving you to your serving duties quite slowly.
Although not a profiler, you could’ve sworn he seemed spurred on, like he had to hold himself back from acting on an urge to advance on you. You brushed the thoughts away as best you could for now, returning your focus to the task at hand.
♡  ♡  ♡
The next few hours were a flash of food and drinks and summer heat. Jack, Henry, Michael, Hank, and all of Matt’s kids ran around the tables with their popsicles, definitely giving the ants in Rossi’s yard a feast of their own. Everything from cucumber salad to watermelon slices, to vegetable kebabs made their rounds down each table, visiting each BAU member.
The scent of lavender, peppermint, and citrus candles mingled in the air in an attempt to keep bugs at bay. But a symphony of crickets and cicadas still played as a soundtrack to the feast, and you watched as Emily and JJ were vigilant against flies that threatened to join the party, swatting around the food every few minutes.
You spent most of the event rushing around, finding places for each dish to reside while the rest of the team balanced between repose and indulgence. Tara, Emily, JJ, and Penelope raved about the veggies, while Morgan and Rossi praised the beefier selections you’d prepared. The team showered you with compliments, but you continued to deny their requests to help.
Food acted as an avenue for both nourishment and gratitude that you felt was desperately underserved to your new family, and accepting their help seemed to cheapen that sentiment.
Maybe it was all the incredible ways in which they brought peace to people or all the times that they helped you feel at peace with their work; regardless, you felt they were owed some home cooking and summer relaxation, and you wanted to be the one to give it to them.
“If I had known you could cook like this, I would’ve suggested this barbeque months ago,” Rossi quipped over his clean plate. It must’ve been nice for him to not be the head chef for the team for a change.
“Yeah, I haven’t eaten this good in years,” Emily chimed in, with agreements made by Matt and Morgan. Their wives nodded with them in earnest agreement.
As the sun began to set, a wash of pinks and purples created the perfect backdrop to the barbeque. Penelope had the idea to set up tiki torches, which you lit with Hotch’s help. Their gentle glow kept the brightness at a dim level while still ensuring sight to guide you as you continued your service.
Although the energy level had died down quite a bit thanks to the heat of the day and the abundance of food everyone had, the team was still rapt in lively discussions as you served dessert.
Blueberry pie with a lattice-style crust, chocolate cake with matching frosting, and homemade vanilla bean ice cream graced the tables. You weren't usually one to brag, but even you had to admit the delicious sweets were a perfect final touch to the event.
Even at dusk, the ice cream sweat and started melting almost as soon as it found its place on their plates. The sickly-sweet aroma from the pie carried on long after its trip in the oven, mingling with the already present floral aromas that seemed elevated due to the heat. You were surprised the barbeque hadn’t summoned neighbors, or at least more bugs.
Residual summer heat could be so damning yet comforting all at the same time.
With dessert served, you finally allowed yourself to sit and join the team. The aches in your feet and back that had gone unnoticed during the hours of cooking and service finally surfaced as your weight shifted, encouraging a painful rest to overtake your limbs. Without realizing it, you’d slumped over in your chair for quite a while, staring out into space as the party continued around you.
That was until Spencer detected your quietness and waved a hand in front of your eyes, commanding attention.
“Are you okay, y/n?” His voice was barely audible over the discussions happening around you. But, you still nodded, straightened your back, and reached for a slice of pie.
“Yep, just got distracted,” You gave him a small smile, but you could see that he didn’t quite believe your performance. The fatigue in your body was incredibly apparent, and the look behind your eyes was one of exhaustion. However, Spencer hesitated to react to his observations.
You weren’t sure what you expected him to say or do about it, but you watched as he pursed his lips together in contemplation — planning something.
Whatever he was scheming, it was set in motion as Matt and his family departed. Following him were JJ and her loved ones, plus Emily and Tara. They all offered repeated praises to you, Penelope, and Rossi as they crossed the threshold into the blackness of summer night.
Before you could completely gather your things, suddenly Spencer pulled you aside and insisted on coming over to his apartment tonight. His usual dismissive, demur demeanor had changed, and he loomed over you with a sort of persuasive aura that radiated from his request. It was as if he was protecting you from something, or rather, preparing you for something. Either way, anticipation dripped from his words as you stared back, silent, in response.
“I-If that makes you uncomfortable, by all means, ignore me,” he spoke in hushed tones. “But I really think you’ll enjoy it if you come.”
If you hadn’t been so exhausted, the absolute shock from his blatant flirtation would have caused your breath to catch in your throat before you could ever eloquently reply. However, with the fatigue wracking you, all you could do was scan his face for any sign of sarcasm.
He seemed to be genuine, and your body instinctually gravitated toward him with the offer. It went without saying that this invitation felt incredibly forward, but the sleep that threatened to overtake you also kept you from worrying too much about the obvious blush that spread across your face at the thought of what leaving with Spencer would look like to the rest of the team.
Objectively, though, Spencer’s apartment was closer than yours, and you weren't sure if you could handle the lull of a drive this late at night. You justified to yourself that accepting his offer was out of a precautionary notion — but in all honesty, the seductive implications of Spencer’s plan were what really captivated you, and pulled an ‘okay’ from your lips.
You’d spent all night denying requests, and you didn’t want to forgo this one.
In the passenger seat of Spencer’s rarely-driven car, your body pulsed with fatigue at every stop. You wondered if he could sense it radiating through you or if he was just burnt out on masking his flirtation towards you all day, as you caught him glancing at your body at every red light. Each push and pull brought on by inertia briefly relieved the pain, then rushed it back in, but his gaze did give you another sense of relief.
Thankfully, the drive was short, and the walk up to Spencer’s door was aided by his hand on your lower back. With drowsiness prevalent in every step, you took a moment to check your surroundings and ask yourself if this was truly happening. The flirtation, the lingering physicality between you two, and the blushes that damned every innocent conversation you’d had together seemed to rise to the top of your brain at that moment as you recognized the reality you’d found yourself in.
Aided by his unabashed touch on your back, your awareness of reality fed your deep desire that he truly led you here for scandalous reasons, but the rational side of your brain that was just barely awake triggered anxiety to flare. Fear of unknowns, of rejection, or maybe both floated up your spine and burned in the impression of his fingers upon you.
But, then his door swung open. Almost instantly after you walked inside and he shut the door, Spencer knelt on his knees before you. The swift change in position made you stumble backward, and confusion spread across your face.
“What are you doing?” The question bubbled out of you fast, but you hadn’t meant to sound disinterested. It was alarming, for sure, to abruptly feel the heat of his body so close to your aching legs, but that didn’t mean the view wasn’t incredibly alluring.
“I’m taking care of you,” Spencer responded, his voice was quiet but poignant as if this was standard procedure.
You stood frozen as he slid the strap of your sandal down the back of your heel, and his fingers brushed against the veins of your feet.
“You took care of us all day. Now it’s your turn to relax.”
Taken aback by his sudden servitude, no verbal response came from your mouth. Instead, you melted under his fingertips as he slowly removed the other shoe, then traveled up your calves to pull down your sheer stockings. The gesture was so intimate, so quiet, so tender. Paired with the exhaustion and excitement and bewilderment, the elegance of his touch brought tears to your eyes.
Spencer stood back up slowly, his lips ghosting over your arm on his ascent. Your eyes met in the dim light of his apartment for the first time, both sets deepened with a near primal sense of surprised attraction. Your body felt as if on fire, vibrating, or possibly both with how electric your nerves were with your closeness and the threat of his impending adoration.
Just as the summer sun had earlier shone on your exposed shoulders, the richness of Spencer’s deep brown eyes was now affixed to them. His index finger wrapped around the thin strap of your sundress, pulling it over the curve of your shoulder at an agonizingly slow pace. It was so soft yet so tense — neither one of you had made a sound in what felt like minutes — a whimper threatened to fall from your lips just as Spencer’s eyes flickered back to meet yours.
“You overexerted yourself,” Spencer echoed what he’d warned you against earlier in the evening, breaking the silence. You couldn’t help but wearily smile at the re-use of his own words.
“I think I’ll accept a helper now,” You replied hushed, voice wavering so much you thought it might shatter if any more than a heavy breath was expelled from your throat. The twitch of a smile spread across Spencer’s face just as you had the thought — as if he’d read your mind.
But the silence resumed, and Spencer’s hand sent the top of your sundress cascading down your forearm. The fabric halted at your wrist, and as Spencer coaxed the other strap down the opposite side, he slowly exposed your chest to the cold air of his apartment.
After a day in the sun, his air conditioning felt arctic, and despite the heat pooling in the pit of your stomach thanks to his mannerisms, the tips of Spencer’s fingers iced over the skin of your décolletage.
Whether he noticed your shivering, or if this was all a part of his grander plan, you did not know. But just as the weight of the sundress carried itself passed your hips to pool at your ankles, Spencer clasped your hands together and led you toward his bedroom.
Again, anxiety pulled you from your lustful daze. Was this really happening? Had you been ignorant all along to Spencer’s advances, or was this just as spontaneous for him? It’s not like you didn’t want this — more so, you were just in a state of disbelief at the way the day’s events had transpired.
Disregarding the chorus of cicadas permeating his bedroom window, Spencer guided you to sit on the edge of his bed in otherwise complete silence. He knelt in front of you, mimicking your positions from the foyer. The arousal that sprung from you at his sudden movement made your cheeks blush a shade of red deeper than any summertime sunburn could create.
At the same time, you couldn’t help but become aware of the obvious disparity in modesty between the two of you now, but he caught your wrists before you could shift to cover your body.
“Are you sure this is okay?” He spoke up with a sobering tone. The wistfulness and tension were briefly broken, and you smiled at the notion that he still checked for consent despite all that you’d done so far.
“Not just okay. I want it, Spence. I want you,” Your voice, a little bolder now, seemed to boom in his most private room. Without another word, he guided your hands to the buttons on his shirt, before releasing your wrists in favor of splaying his hands across your thighs.
You inhaled sharply, shuddering at the contact. But it did make your hands move faster, pulling his buttons apart in a quite similar fashion to the eager way you’d daydreamed about doing so earlier.
Just as you’d completed the task and pulled the fabric of his shirt over his head, you felt the pads of his fingers reconnect with your legs and dig into the supple flesh of your thighs. A deep sigh left your lips almost instantly as he worked the worn muscles, firmly pressing into them. You felt the stress shift and dissipate, and your body reacted automatically to his ministrations.
It wasn’t until his massage traveled to your calves that more salacious noises fell from your lips. You knew that this kind of attention wasn’t strictly sexual, but the relief Spencer brought to you, to the tenderness in your legs and feet, demanded a vocal response.
At first, mewls and faint sighs responded to his help, but they deepened in tandem with his strength. The kneading of his fingers across the width of your legs, the pressure he placed upon your Achilles' tendons, and the force he pushed into the worn arches of your feet all played roles in the escalation of your noises into pure, wanton moans.
“You are so beautiful,” Spencer spoke into the landscape of sounds you were creating for him. “Not just like this, but all the time. The way you laugh, the work you do, in all the things you did for us tonight — you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.”
His impromptu speech stunned you for a moment, and you did your best to keep your interjections to heavy sighs to truly listen to him. But his praise wasn’t something you were used to, and although you’d been complimented all night at the barbeque, something about Spencer’s tone inspired a unique bashfulness.
“Stop,” You half-heartedly chuckled, unsure of how to respond to such an admission other than to dismiss it.
“I’m serious, y/n,” He continued, unfazed. “Ever since you walked through the doors at the office I felt…saved. I’m not religious but — I mean, you’ve literally got me on my knees here.”
Your face burned with the worship, and his joke inspired a smile, but you also did your best to relax your reactions and just take his confession.
“You’re smart, you’re sweet, you’re compassionate and caring, and I just feel like you deserve the world…I don’t know if you—if you’ve ever thought of me like this, but, I really do adore you. And I want to serve you like you did me tonight.”
With his previous, dominant stance seemingly shaken, you took the opportunity to run your hands up his arms and into his hair. He closed his eyes at the feeling, leaning into the touch and basking in it. Leaning in close, your lips met in a soft, slow kiss.
As you gently pushed against one another, your more primal drives slowly regenerated, and you pulled his hair tenderly to just barely create a separation. His eyes shot open, struggling to focus on anything else but your lips. With another gentle tug, you wound him back up to the previous tension you two had.
“Show me how much you adore me,” The command rumbled in your chest before you even truly processed it.
But that was enough for Spencer. With the ending of the last syllable, his eyes fell half-lidded, and he quickly pushed your lips back together.
The steady and slow pace you’d honed since arriving at his apartment was suddenly nowhere to be found. Desperation laced your every move as you traveled up his bed; Spencer towering over you, never disconnecting in your endeavor. You felt the weight of his body settle between your legs. Not only was his skin sweltering with heat, but you could feel how achingly hard he was through his slacks.
You kissed with the desperation of a couple saying goodbye. It was as if both of you were grasping at each other, fearful of any distance that may find its way into your embrace. As your eager hands traversed down his bare chest and stomach, Spencer rushed to match your near nakedness through a rather clumsy removal of his pants.
While the sweet and savory scents of summer seemed distant now, everpresent was the smell of Spencer. Coffee and cinnamon filled your nose once again as his hair cascaded over your face, sweeping behind his trail of kisses down your chest.
He paused on the journey, motioning for you to lean upwards where his lips found yours in another fit of passionate kissing. He reached around you, unclasping your bra and gently guiding the fabric down your arms. Another shiver wracked through you as your breasts were finally exposed, but it was quickly remedied by the warmth of Spencer’s palms.
He cupped them softly at first, dragging mewls from your mouth that he used to slide his tongue between your lips. It wasn’t until he felt the shake of your muscles that he realized how uncomfortable the position must’ve been, leading him to push you back onto the mattress, palms still full of your tits.
With your mouths freshly separated, Spencer let a string of saliva fall from his mouth, coating the valley on your chest in a way that caught every moonbeam in the room. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the plush swell of your breast, setting your skin aflame. You moaned shamelessly at the delicious pressure, earning a satisfied smile from the man between your legs.
You hopelessly clawed at his shoulders in an attempt to feel the press of his whole body against you once more, but he continued his descent toward your center.
Painstakingly slow, he dragged your underwear down your legs, watching your face for any sign of disapproval. When he couldn’t find any, he discarded them before guiding your legs up off the bed and resting them over his shoulders. You watched, enraptured, as he lay prone in front of you and met your eyes one more time before pressing a sloppy kiss on your inner thigh.
Shivers rolled down your spine, and you shook in response to what would be the most innocent of touches from this point on. Spencer seemed encouraged by the heavy heave of your chest, and he taunted you with breathy sighs hitting your folds.
His breath was hot, but it still inspired your body to shake as if freezing. He studied you in an almost delirious state of bliss as he controlled you with just his breath, before slowly licking a devilish stripe up your slit, collecting your arousal on his tongue like the sweetest summer dessert.
A pained moan escaped your throat, wholly miserable with how much he seemed to be holding back. You did your best to avoid clamping down on his head too harshly, but you couldn’t help the instinct you felt to pull him closer.
Then, he finally dove in. His tongue worked expertly — dragging and pressing and pulling around your bundle of nerves, and even circling your entrance. The lewd sounds coming from his mouth sparked your own in response, and soon you had your own debaucherous melody echoing in his bedroom.
He flattened his tongue, pressed it against your clit, and wrapped his arms around your thighs, giving himself leverage to apply the pressure to your most sensitive spot that he could tell you were desperate for.
You felt his tongue flip and twirl around you, drinking in your essence as if he hadn’t already gorged himself on a feast of yours tonight. Dipping a little lower, his muscle plunged inside of you, inspiring an entirely different kind of pressure that tightened your core and commanded your body off the bed.
Moving his tongue back up to your clit, he lapped at it as he began edging a finger into you, causing you to grip his duvet in a misguided attempt to relieve the incredible tension building in your stomach.
“S-spencer,” You choked out, doing your best to keep your eyes open as the sight in front of you was one of angelic beauty — Spencer’s hair was completely disheveled, and although the room was only lit by moonlight, you could see the wild gaze his eyes held as he worked so hard to please you. You let out a feather-light moan.
But all you got in response was his dark eyes, filled with a fervor that you’d never seen from Spencer before. You laced your fingers in his hair just as he pushed his finger inside you, eliciting a new, loud groan from your chest.
Latching onto your nub, Spencer rolled his tongue over it with gentle suction in tandem with fast, shallow thrusts of his finger. He moaned against you, sending ripples of stimulation through your body, radiating from his mouth. He watched you the entire time, eyes trained on your face as it scrunched up in pleasure.
He feasted on you, and for the second time tonight, you relished in the fact that you had nourished Spencer so graciously.
With a tug of his hair, you finally felt the tension in your stomach snap. A string of moans bounced off the walls of his bedroom, but Spencer didn’t give in to distraction. He pulled off of you only slightly with a deep inhale but kept his finger moving to fuck you through your orgasm.
“That’s it, pretty girl,” He cooed, bringing his other hand up to splay against your stomach, feeling the muscles spasming beneath his palm in time with the waves of pleasure washing over you.
He slowed his finger as your pleasure faded; the tension leaving your abdomen and a look of bliss covering your face, signaling your comedown. He withdrew his finger slowly before resuming his towering position over you, peppering your cheeks and neck with kisses.
Once some sense had returned to your endorphin-flooded brain, your hands roamed over the span of Spencer’s back. You resumed the choreography that neither of you had practiced, even though it felt so natural to you. Your lips found his once more, and eagerness leaked from his saliva as it mixed with the taste of you on his tongue. A low, rumbling moan echoed into your mouth as he gripped your waist and the nape of your neck roughly.
Your hearts were back up to racing, and you tugged at the tight waistband of Spencer’s boxers.
“Please,” Spencer spoke into your mouth, barely disconnecting your lips as he begged. “Please, let me fuck you.”
If the praise wasn’t enough to win you over, the absolutely distraught look on his face would’ve done the job. One part of you couldn’t believe that Spencer could be so commanding and servile at the same time, while another part of you knew this must be the purest form of Spencer that anyone had ever seen before. Apart from his previous partners, you felt as if you were the only observer of him in such a state of subservience. He felt totally and uniquely seen by you, and that’s all he ever wanted.
You nodded and mewled at his request, harshly removing his last remaining barrier before wrapping your legs around his waist. Your movements brought his dick closer to your heat, and you couldn’t hold back the tremors that overwhelmed your senses at the sensation. Kissing you once more, Spencer aligned himself at your entrance, mimicking the shivering of your body on such a hot summer night.
He pushed into you at a listless pace, wanting to give you all the time and space to get comfortable around him despite the instincts that begged him to act faster. His finger had done little to prepare you for his true size, and although you gasped sharply at the intrusion, your body was quick to relax and pull him further inside you.
You shared moans and whimpers on the slow endeavor, kissing each other wherever available — cheek, arm, neck, chest — until he was fully flush with your body.
“Thank you,” Spencer breathed out, so softly that you almost missed it. “Thank you, thank you,” He kept worshiping as you felt his hips stutter and his cock twitch inside you. The size of him, his breath on your neck, and the everpresent smell of sex all tethered together in your mind at once, sparking an almost insatiable desire to demand that he move. You knew the worship was all a part of his plan to repay you for the barbeque, but you echoed the sentiment back nonetheless in favor of a less sweet command.
But Spencer was no stranger to that desire. With gratitude filling the room, he couldn’t hold back any longer, and he began rocking into you just enough to pull moans from your lips. He caged his arms around your head, wrapping one palm around the back of your neck to hold you in place, while the other found itself upon your cheek once again. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, watching as you moved against and around him with a delicious tightness.
He quickened his pace and relished in the way the pleasure presented upon your face. Your eyes screwed shut, mouth hung open in a string of moans. He mirrored your expressions, his bottom lip jutted out from his face, brushing yours with each harsh thrust forward. The pressure of him inside you was already swelling the knot in your stomach, and the stimulation melted all fatigue from the day away from your muscles.
Clawing at his back and arms, you opened your eyes to find him once more. The hand on your neck kept your gaze steady despite his rough movements that threatened your composure. There was a charm, a tenderness that you’d felt lingering between you two all night—hell, ever since your first day. From the moment you introduced yourself in the dawn of summer, to the moment he dropped to his knees and begged for you, an intensity magnetized the two of you together.
Before you could get too lost in the beautiful thoughts of your attraction, Spencer adjusted the angle of your hips, reaching even deeper into you. You couldn’t hold back the scream that left your body, and you felt yourself tighten around him as he drove into you at an incredible rate.
Spencer was already close — you could tell by the way whimpers fell over your neck with his every thrust, and he blinked rapidly as if it would stave off his impending release. He called your name as a warning, implicitly asking for your guidance.
Now, it was your turn to beg.
“Please,” You pled, eyes half-lidded yet glued to Spencers. “Please, come inside me.”
He could barely hold back after your words, his hips even faltering for a moment. But he kept his pace, and you wrapped your arms around him tightly as your release teetered on the edge of his relentless pace.
“Fuck,” You felt Spencer groan into your hair as his hips slammed flush with yours. Warmth flooded inside you, and the sensation triggered your release soon after. Both of you clung to each other, panting and brainless with bliss, as Spencer slowly continued to fuck you through your climaxes.
As the tension and heat dissipated over your body, you and Spencer reluctantly pulled away from each other. It was the first time since you’d arrived at his apartment that either one of you had given into distance. He was gentle with the motions, watching the way your body shook with each rogue wave of pleasure as he pulled out of you.
When he was fully removed, though, you found yourself alone, laid out across his bed. As the heaving in your chest subsided, Spencer returned with a towel, cleaning you up with the utmost tenderness.
“Here, I can help,” You peeled your upper body from his duvet despite all the resistance in your overexerted muscles, reaching for the cloth only for Spencer to catch your hand before you could make it.
“I’m still serving you, okay? Lay down,” He chuckled at your attempt, finishing up with the towel and discarding it back in his bathroom. When he returned, he continued to refuse your help, pulling the duvet out from under you to tuck you in.
He joined you on the other side of the bed, brushing hair from your face as he settled under the comforter too. You laid facing each other, eyes grazing over each other's bodies in a much more romantic sense than you two had a few moments prior.
“Why did you do all that?” You posed the question quietly, watching his face intently for a reaction. Although anxiety may not be the best word for it, you did feel a bit unsure about what this night meant for your relationship. Was this a summer fling, a coworker crush, or something more real? Something that would permeate the seasons or something that you’d recall late at night in future solitude?
“Well, for one, because I like you,” Spencer said, laughing slightly through the ends of a few words. “But also because of all you did for us tonight. You worked so hard and you deserved to be spoiled too.”
The praise again brought a flush to your cheeks, and you looked away as you tried not to discount the way Spencer was feeling. Even if you were unsure of your deserving of praise, you had to admit it felt nice to be adored by Spencer, and it felt good to know that this meant more to him than something casual.
Despite the summer heat, you found yourself fully engulfed in his embrace. The cicadas’ chorus began to lull sleep into your heavy eyes, even though you weren’t quite ready to let go and close your eyes, which would mean missing out on Spencer’s reverent gaze.
“I like you too,” You finally spoke up, finding his hand in the darkness of his bedroom, and lacing your fingers together. “Thank you for spoiling me.”
“Hey—no more ‘thank yous.’ You deserved it,” Spencer replied, placing a kiss on your knuckles before shuffling further into the bed. You turned over, relaxing into Spencer’s warm body as his arm wound around your stomach, still holding your hand.
Summer heat can be more comforting than once thought, after all.
♡  ♡  ♡
thank you for reading! 💗
2K notes · View notes
julieloves074 · 4 months
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I want you (Cole Walter x reader)
Summary: When the storm hits the ranch and most of the family is at Will's evening party Y/n and Cole are left to talk in the candle light, which could end either beautifully or tragically as they navigate whatever is happening between them.
Warnings: Death, kissing, swearing
Words: 4.27k
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(Not my Gif :) )
“I still can’t believe that I let you take me to that party” I said to Cole as he pulled out candles from the top drawer in the living room.
“I can’t believe that you came,” he turned to me briefly, his eyes beautiful even in the shade of this storm and little light, he turned back to the draw, “I’m glad you were there,” he said, quieter this time, I couldn’t help the ghost of a smile that started to lift the corner of my lips.
“Apart from the fact that I vomited on you right?” I tried to defuse the energy that was building up here with a laugh.
“Eh, could have been worse,” he started and turned around to face me again holding two candles, “Alright this is all of them now,”. We took a couple each and laid them around the kitchen and the living room.
“Can you pass me the lighter from the kitchen?” Cole called from the other room, I picked it out from the ‘anything and everything’ draw that every family has in their house and walked to the other room.
The darkness made it hard to see, but the outline of his frame was as clear as day, it felt as if I knew his frame well enough to find him anywhere.
“Thanks,” he reached for the lighter and our hands touch. As cliché as in every book I’ve ever read and every romcom I’ve ever watched. His hands weren’t soft or rough they were the perfect medium, he’s helped George on the farm since he was young and played football but there was still a compassionate side to him, one that he didn’t like to show.
His thumb brushed over my hand, he looked down briefly and I knew I should pull my hand free and step away, knowing the feelings Alex had for me. Even though he knows I don’t share the same feelings back I would still feel wrong to do this with his brother. Then Cole’s eyes came up to meet mine and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
“If you want to start lighting up the candles, I’m just going to check the kids are asleep,” I explained rushing towards the stairs with one last gentle smile. That was another good reminder, everyone else may be at some fancy party but we were still looking after the younger Walter siblings.
Just as I had expected they were all still asleep tucked away just how Katherine had settled them down. The Walter’s slept hard, nothing wakes them up, not even a ranging storm with killer winds apparently.
After checking up on all of them I head towards the stairs again, but something catches my eye as I go to lower my foot onto the first step. A little packaged box on a dresser in Cole and Danny’s room. I tear my eyes away from it and take the first step. Yet just as quickly as I looked away, I looked back to the little brown box with the blue bow.
I stepped lightly to avoid any squeaky board; the box was sat there surrounded with a mix of both the boy’s stuff. I raised my brows in confusion, I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, that I was invading their privacy, but the inquisitiveness got the best of me. If it’s Danny’s, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind anyway.
From the handwriting on the note at the top I could immediately tell that it wasn’t Danny’s, his handwriting much neater, almost cursive, which I still found impressive. It just said my name, I opened the folded piece of paper and had to read over the short note a couple of times before it registered.
‘It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply’
My mom’s favorite quote staring right at me. The quote I told Cole that day when…
***
We had just finished our shift at the cider stand, Will and Alex had already packed everything up into the van. Alex was less than impressed by the fact that Cole decided to come out of his depression cocoon to come and help and help he did. He auctioned himself away for an afternoon and helped us raise over double of the money we needed for the new auditorium.
“You fancy a little detour?” He asked, looking away from the road momentarily with a half smirk my way, I shook my head but a light smile still found its way onto my lips.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, I couldn’t disguise that I was curious, getting to know Cole was hard. Some days he was rays of sunshine and an open book other days, most days, he shut himself out, hiding behind a carless façade. I was guilty of the fact that I wanted him to sweep me away for a while into his own world.
“It’ll have to be a surprise,” he said, the smile still there when he looked bacl onto the road, I may have not been here long yet but I knew the second he took a different turn. We drove through some more woodlands until we came to a clearing, the sky absolutely clear.
When I stepped out of the car a fresh breeze flushed against my skin, it was refreshing.
“So… what do you think?” he says walking ahead of me. I followed not too far behind looking around taking in the surroundings. The river flowed surrounded by more trees and low rocks.
“It’s really beautiful here,”
“Alright come on then!” He shouted louder as he started to run towards the river
“Cole where are you going!” I called back, stood still watching him.
“Well we can’t go home now!” He turned around momentarily, gesturing me over with his hands. I shook my head and shut the car door, following behind him, my hair flowing in the wind beneath my hat.
When I finally caught up the sound of the gushing river was clearer and there he stood on some rocks, his back to me, jacket on the ground. He reached down to grab something, I stepped onto the same rock, more cautiously than him.
“There, for you,” he pushed the flower he was holding out towards me. I eyed him cautiously, his teasing side coming out, “Come on, I’m being nice,” his head tilted slightly.
I gave in reaching for the purple flower, he pulled it back a little with a laugh and I shook my head slightly, he pushed it my way again but lets me take it this time. In the exact same moment, he steals the hat off my head.
“Hey!” I shouted going to reach for it, he moves away, flaunting the hat in different directions, taunting me with it, “This is not fair,” I claimed moving towards him away. He’s laughing and I’m laughing, and it feels like a weight lifted off my chest.
I stop for a second, Cole stops too a moment later, that cheeky smile playing his lips. In that moment of calm I reached for the hat and his coat that was now next to my feet.
“Hey that wasn’t part of the rules!” He called coming after me this time, I’ve suddenly gained the confidence that I won’t fall into the water.
“Oh sorry, didn’t realize there were any rules,” I answered in the same tone, I moved another couple of steps and turned to start running onto the grass. Cole’s arms found their way around me as he tried for the jacket. I turned my head to face him, our faces centimeters apart. He pulled me closer laughing into the back of my neck.
“Okay okay, draw?” He asked his breath still on the back of my neck
“Deal,” I said taking a step forward as his grip eased, his hands followed the shape of my waist until the comforting touch was gone. He took the jacket and laid it out on the rock, laying down on half of it. I sat down next to him on the jacket as well.
“Do you feel any better now?” He asked after a moment of silence, my eyes focused on the river. The last couple of days have been rough, not only was I feeling homesick for New York, it had also officially been six months since the accident. It was all overwhelming, especially with Erin giving me a hard time.
I let out a breath before answering, “Yeah, thanks for this,” I said turning to look at him, he smiled and nodded, his arms followed behind his head. Whilst I knew a part of him took me here to make me feel better, I knew it was so that he could get away for himself too. We weren’t running from reality exactly, but taking a break.
“You know what my mom used to say?” I said laying down beside him, he turned on his side, leaning his head against his arm so he was looking down at me, “she always said that it’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply,” I put a hand over my brows to guard them from the sun, and so I could see his face, hoping he understood what I was saying, I was here if he needed to talk. No matter how much he was hiding behind his persona I knew that he cared.
He nodded and laid back down, taking a deep breath. It didn’t feel like we were there for that long with the sun glimmering on our faces, it wasn’t until a call from Katherine came through that I realized that we’d been here for well over an hour.
“We should probably get back, mom does not like it when we don’t make it home for dinner,” he said getting up and offering me his hand. I squinted my eyes but reached for the help, of course he pulled back his hands ever so slightly. I shooed him away and went to get up myself.
“I’m not falling for that again,” I laughed.
“Oh come on I’m sorry,” he pulled that face where his eyes were the center of the universe it was truly quite mesmerizing. I reached my hand out again grabbing his jacket in the other and passing it to him. I walked a few steps ahead and he put it around my shoulders and we walked back to the car.
***
Underneath all the tissue paper there lays the small, beautiful music box that Parker accidentally knocked over; it was no longer smashed to pieces. I opened it and immediately the little figurine inside started to swirl around and a low song started to play.
I could feel the tears beginning to build in my eyes, my lips shaking. I closed the box and pulled it close to myself, arms around it tightly. The quote was right, these feelings were a blessing and a curse. They made me feel happy and good but on the other hand I feel like I’m betraying one for another.
“So, Y/n are you going to make me this famous hot chocolate of yours?” Cole says from the bottom of the stairs, I push the music box back into the little packages and press the note back at the top laying it back in the exact spot it was before. My heart beating twice as violently as it was before. I try even harder not to make a sound leaving his room.
“Coming!” I whisper-yelled back, in the kitchen now lit up by about a dozen candles it was clear how dark it was outside, I was glad that we managed to clear everything from the yard into the barns before the rain started.
“I’ve got everything prepped,” he said proudly and in the little candlelight it was as if I was seeing his face people for the first time. In the silence, no distractions, and his smile protruding through even the worst of the weather.
“If you take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he retorted, and I looked away with a scoff.
“Yeah, you wish, I guess I didn’t realize how bad it was outside until now,”
“It’ll be alright, it’s predicted to be a minor storm, the ranch has survived much worse. There was this really bad one once when I was about eight. I genuinely thought the wind was going to rip out the foundations of the house, or the rain was going to break through the roof and drown us,” he laughed to himself, pushing the two mugs towards me alongside the chocolate power, milk, vanilla and some other ingredients I asked for.
“I imagine how that could be scary for an eight year old,” I reassure working my magic with my ingredients.
“Don’t worry I’ll keep you safe tonight,” the teasing in his voice clear, he took a step towards me his face beside mine but I focus on the coco powder. It just feels like every time we could be having a moment, something vulnerable and real he disconnects. He’s said he’s a flirt and maybe that’s just that- but then what about the note and my music box?
“Haha you’re just so funny, are you just trying to hide the fact that you’re still scared?” I retort, keeping my composure, pushing his face away with one of my hands, he takes a step back and laughs shaking his head.
“Whatever makes you feel better New York,” he comments watching me heat up the milk.
He holds both our mugs as we make our way into the living room, it’s even prettier in here, he’s started the fire and lit up all the candles around it. I can’t help but give him a smile, there’s a spot perfect for the two of us.
“Go on try it,” I prod after we sit down, he looks down in the mug first and smells it, “I’m not trying to poison you if that’s what you think,”
“Alex would like it if you were,” he laughs lifting the mug to his lip, he takes a big sip and licks the whipped cream off of his top lip.
“Don’t say stuff like that, you guys may fight but you’re brothers it’s bound to happen, but you care for each other and I know he would protect you with all he’s got,” I assure him, he doesn’t say anything back to this, he avoids the subject like the plague even when he’s the one who brings it up.
“This-,” he says instead, looking down at the mug in his hand again, I couldn’t read his face if I tried, one of his brows raises for a split second as if he’s trying to organize all his thoughts about the chocolate. I know that it’s good but, in this moment, I’m metaphorically sat on the edge of my seat, eager to know his thoughts. “Is amazing, sweet and spicy at the same time, who the hell came up with this?”
The second those words come out of his mouth I feel myself beginning to be able to breathe again, the tension in my shoulders dissipates and I reach for my mug, “I did tell you, have some more confidence in me Cole,” I announce proudly and take a sip of the angelic drink.
His eyes watched me, I could feel his stare everywhere on my body, as if he was actually trailing his fingers over my skin.
I put the mug down, half gone already, Cole let out some sort of laugh and shifted closer to me, his hand reached towards my face, and I was frozen. My eyes watching his and his watching mine. Almost automatically my body and face shifted towards him. A smirk quired up on one side of his mouth. He brushed his thumb across my top lip.
“You had a bit of… whipped cream,” he said moving back just enough to show me, he licked it off his finger. Were either of us to move even slightly we could break the distance between us.
I’m scared. Sat here with him like this feels like a fever dream, like any second a sudden move could shatter this illusion, because this couldn’t be real, any second he’s going to pull back with some sort of snarky comment, and I’ll look like a fool.
But he wasn’t moving, and neither was I.
“I saw the music box, you fixed it,” I whispered into the space between us, my voice sounding as though it could break any moment.
“Nothing is ever too broken to be fixed, that’s something else your mom used to say right?” he whispered back, the shadows of the candles and the fire danced across his face.
“I hope you know how much that means to me. Thank you.” I was raw and honest, even with the things between us left unsaid, for the better, he deserved this, “For the music box, for my mom’s quotes, for letting me see the glimpses of the real you,” with each word my heartbeat sped up.
“I would do anything for you if you let me,” He murmured as if speaking any louder would smash this fragile thing happening around us right now. The tip of his finger grazes across my cheekbone, his eyes follow the line. I never feel his touch, just the ghost of it, sending shivers through my body that I try my best to keep from showing.
I scan his face, every beautiful angle and feature that makes him perfect, just the way he is.
I want to. I want to let him in so badly, to let him know every corner of my heart, I want to be fully immersed in whatever this is we’re building here, for him to have me, for me to have him but all that comes out is, “I want to,” because the foundations were building here are rocky and not stable.
His gaze shifts from my one eye to the other then to my lips and again.
“But you can’t because of…” he lets out so quietly I almost miss it
“I don’t have any feelings for him Cole,” there was a shift in his expression at my words, a guilty smile, “but he’s your brother, he’s one of my closest friends and he lives here too, this isn’t just about us, there’s your family,” I argue, but my excuses are sounding weak even to myself.
He moved closer, his knee touching mine, his breath warm.
Without further thought I laced my arms around his neck, running my fingers from the sides to the back pulling him close. A simple kiss, which did not last long enough. It was short, controlled. I pulled back realizing what I had just done. Maybe we just needed it out of our systems.
Still no words were exchanged, we just looked at each other. I knew I needed to move, to get up and out of the room but when his hand found its way to my forearm and pulled me towards him, I just gave in.
His hands explored my neck, cheeks and hair as the kiss became more passionate. I could feel my cheeks glowing a bright red, thankful it would be too hard to see in this light. Finally, he settled them on either side of my face whilst one of my hands found its place on his neck, the other exploring the honey-blonde hair on the nape of his neck.
I don’t know how long we were kissing but when he pulled away to look at me I knew it hadn’t been long enough. Both our chests heaving, me certain that my heart was about to give out. It felt so right I couldn’t let this slip away from me.
I grabbed onto his neck and pulled him towards me again. The kiss wasn’t rough, but it was filled by a burning need. All those months of the back and forth, the uncertain, the toying around the subject and now finally. Finally, I got to feel what this burning passion meant. What I’ve never felt with anyone else.
His hand one hand travelled to my neck, his thumb brushing comfortingly, his other pulling me towards him, I don’t know how much closer we could get until he was pulling me onto him. My legs on either side of his body. Chest to chest. Only clothes between us.
“Cole,” I whispered when his mouth travelled down my jaw to my neck kissing every inch of exposed skin. He paused cautiously, checking with his eyes that I was okay, that he wasn’t taking it too far. I nodded entangling my hand in locks, the hot chocolate long forgotten.
It was a euphoric feeling until my heart stopped when we heard the door open. I pushed off his lap and he helped me up.
“Hey, are you guys alright the lights aren’t-” Alex stopped when he made it to the doorframe to the living room, his eyes quickly found mine, then Cole’s, he hadn’t seen anything, no one would know, but even just seeing us here together, surrounded by candles could give anyone the impression.
“The storm blew out the electric box,” I said, my walls building right back up, keeping this eye contact while I could see the hurt in his eyes was more painful than I could have imagined but I couldn’t look away, then he’d know something had in fact happened. The light came back on with a click in the hallway.
“It’s because of the storm, what happened?” George asked walking into the living room, Katherine beside him, she gave me a weak smile.
“I’m going to check up on the kids, you guys make sure all the candles are blown out, let’s not start any fires tonight,” she added a cheerful tone and a chuckle but the still the tension in the room could probably be cut with a knife. Whether she meant literally or metaphorically I agreed with her, I did not want anything to explode between these two Walter boys.
“She managed to get it to work for a few minutes, but it gave out again, we thought it would be safer to leave the box alone,” Cole confirmed to his dad who nodded in agreement. I didn’t look at Cole as he volunteered to help his dad with the candles in the kitchen.
I thought Alex would say something when we were left alone. It looked like he really wanted to say something, but he just shook his head slightly and ran upstairs. I bit into my bottom lip and closed my eyes. It’s not like I hadn’t told him that I didn’t feel the same way, still the guilt washed over like a destructive wave. I took a deep breath and after a second started to blow out the candles before heading up to my bedroom.
***
I tossed and turned every few minutes in my bed for what felt like hours. I heard someone come out of their room half an hour ago, I assumed it was one of the Walter’s going to the toilet, but the person went downstairs, and was yet to come back up. Something in me knew it was Cole, he probably couldn’t sleep like me.
After another few restless minutes, I let out a huff and sat up in bed. All of the emotions were still buzzing and brewing inside my body. I threw my comforter off me and put on a hoodie and some outdoor slippers. Before I knew it, I was tip-toeing my way downstairs hoping I was doing a better job than whoever had gone down before me.
Walking out the front door I could see the beginning of the sunrise, at what looked like the other end of the world, out there in the fields the first sights of amber and yellow were rising out of the grass in the horizon.
I spotted Cole immediately sitting on the railing looking out at the view. The ranch was truly a magnificent sight, it was breathtaking, how could anyone not fall in love with this place just seeing this.
I stepped on one of the weaker wooden panels which let out a single sound, Cole looked around instantly, but the smile that shone on his face mere hours ago was not there now.
“I won’t break my brother’s heart ever again” he starts solemnly, “But I can’t not want you, how could I not?” he looked at me, the tears in my eyes are again threatening to spill. He hopped down and walked over to me. Nothing more said.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, laying his head on top of mine. I laced my arms around his torse, holding him tightly in the quiet of the post-storm, looking out at sunrise like it was a painting in a gallery to be looked at for hours.
“Your mom was right when she said it’s a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply” he whispered into my hair and I just tightened my hold on him. She was always right, and hell did I wish she was here now to tell me what I can do to make this all stop hurting.
What’s happened can’t be taken back now, the consequences long-term are yet to be seen and I suppose I’ll just have to take it day by day. Navigate this chaos of events and feelings. Hoping that it’ll all work out.
MASTER LIST
902 notes · View notes
kyougan · 1 month
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im all yours...
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OVERVIEW: Neither you or Leon have handled the break up well, yet seeing each other in a hotel bar seems to have done the trick, ironically...
TAGS/WARNINGS: Smut!!, starts off angsty but im shit at angst so beware, afab!reader, reader is into dudes, mentions of masturbation, switch!leon in a way? also vendetta!leon, p in v, creampie (eurgh), substance abuse and depression
EXTRA: guys pls dont hate me for this like i KNOW how shit it is i was in a rush to write something and it ended up sloppy pls dont block me, this is one of the only times ive ever tried to write a decent plot and its gone to shit so LEAVE ME ALONE 🤕 credits to cafekitsune for the dividers!) happy valentines ig, not proofread btw!!
WORD COUNT: 2.6k
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If he’d have known this is what you’ve been up to since the break up, he never would’ve left you at all. The thought wouldn’t have even crossed his mind, not once. He must’ve looked beyond insane; staring at you from the other side of the hotel bar, daunting and bustling with the amount of residents that had come down from their rooms for an evening sip or two, or maybe five. 
Like being in an inescapable trance, eyes with a mind of their own that refused to even move an inch off of your frame. He couldn’t even muster the effort to glance away, not with all the whiskey in his system, anyways. Not until he saw a man step your way, leaning against your table like some pimp trying his absolute best to impress you. This couldn’t be impressive to you, Leon knew you weren’t the one to fall for flirting drunkards that were more focused on whatever was hidden beneath your pants rather than the heart shielded in your chest.
5 months since it all went to shit, sending the two of you into depressive episodes, unaware that you were both neck deep in alcohol. Well, alcohol for Leon, at least. You had taken a different route.
“You know this isn’t fucking working, and the more you try and lie to yourself, try and make me out to be some hero, the worse this shit’s gonna get.” He said it to your face. Not in a text where you could hide the tears behind the pixels, no, right in your face.
“Don’t make me laugh, Leon, you can’t even stand here and admit that you’re a fucking liar that hides his problems from his partner. I’d paint you as a monster before even considering that you’re a fuckin’ hero.” It took all your strength, mental and physical, to keep the waterworks off. You weren’t about to cry mid-argument, not while you were both clawing at each other’s flaws like lunatics.
And your words were equally as painful. Deep down anything that left either of you was worthless, you both knew well that it didn’t come from the heart, it came from the mind, the mind’s you had both been polluting for far too long, until it got to a point where you took it out on each other.
It wasn't as if you were wrong in all of this, Leon knew he had fucked up big time the second he walked through the door, stumbling through your apartment as if he’d never stepped foot in their at all. He had a problem, he’d rather spend a night surrounded by drunkards and women desperate for him to look their way, than talk about the whirlwind constantly on a loop in his mind. It was insulting the way he hid it all from you.
The argument didn’t last long but so much was expected. Leon hated arguing with you, and vice versa. He hated the way you’d struggle so hard to fight back the tears that he was pulling out of you. He hated the ache he felt in his chest, hated the fact that you were feeling that very same pain, that pull on your heartstrings being ruthlessly tugged on by his words.
It ended in that same pain, unresolved arguments that left holes in your hearts, holes no one else could fill, even in a literal sense. Leon could never go further than touching another woman’s arm, the texture of skin would bring him right back to you and the way his hands used to linger on yours. You were the same, no man could ever come near you without being shut down the second their lips parted to either ask you for a drink or your number, knowing it would end in pointless sex, knowing no other man could fill the hole Leon had left. Literally.
You took the drug route. Specifically weed. Constantly chasing that all too familiar high, constantly chasing a fleeting bliss that left you in a mindless state for days on end, a bliss that couldn’t come close with love. Feeling love, being in love, having love around you. That’s what you needed, not endless clouds of smoke that only took the pain away for a mere moment.  But you couldn't get high on love without him.
Leon was different, he stuck to his traditions. His specific brand of sour whiskey managing to fill the void for at least a night or two until you found yourself at the forefront of his mind once again. He thought about what you were doing, what you were saying, who you were saying it to, who you were touching, who you were being touched by. The longer he thought, the worse he felt, and as his hand reached for the half empty bottle, he knew the cycle was far from its end.
But seeing you here? Halfway through a vodka bottle and brushing off any men that even looked your way? It wasn’t like you to self-destruct, not like this, at least.
Just as his eyes did, his feet seemed to think for themselves too, and before he could even consider the outcome of him going over to you, he found himself standing beside your table.
“Still drinkin?” You mumbled, momentarily glancing at Leon’s abandoned bottle, maybe looking too deep into the fact he neglected his favourite pastime just to waddle on over to see you. You couldn’t tell if your words were getting through to him or if he was simply just choosing which parts he wanted to avoid, ‘cause the second you told him to sit down his response was borderline Pavlovian.
“Didn’t know you were staying at this hotel. Doesn’t seem like your style.” He slurred his words a little, as if he were in a rush to get them out of his throat. He didn’t miss the way your eyes analysed his movements, his hurried speech, the jitter in his hands. It made him want to hide, shy away into a corner of the world where you wouldn't be able to view the mess he had become ever since you split. He wanted to forget about it all, a permanent drug that could take it all away for him. To him it sounded much like suicide, but he knew that wouldn’t solve his problems at all.
“What’s my style, then?” That seemed to cut off the word vomit threatening to leave his gut. What was your style? Who was he to comment on your taste when he’s become a complete stranger to you? You’ve changed enough to tolerate the bitterness of vodka, who’s to say your taste in hotels hasn’t changed along with that?
You could see the cogs turning in his head, knowing the question had made the cells in his brain jump with anxiety.
“Hey, I’m kidding. This isn’t my taste at all.” 
The relief on his face managed to get a giggle out of you, soft and smiley, the same way you always used to giggle at his smooth-ish jokes. At least you weren’t completely put off by his presence.
“Right, yeah, sorry. Long day.” He muttered, his tone had shifted from slurred and anxious to a little calmer, which was a first step, at least.
“Tell me about it.” You spoke with another giggle. The familiarity of it made his stomach spin. He laughed along with you, fingers nervously tapping on the wooden table while he racked his brain for something to say, anything.
“No, tell me about it.” You repeated, hoping the message got across this time. It sure seemed like it did with the way his face lit up in surprise. You were asking about his day, rather than sitting here screaming in his face about how much he fucked up. He really fumbled an angel.
By the time he had gotten done with his self-loathing, his ongoing tangent about the drinking and the depression, he came back to reality. He didn’t expect to see you so ultimately invested in what he was saying, though. He figured you’d get tired of hearing him go on about himself within 30 seconds. Yet here you were, listening to every last word he muttered with that painful expression on his face. It matched the one that had been etched onto your face for the past five months while you clouded your thoughts in smoke.
“Sorry ‘bout that, ‘s the whiskey talkin’.” ‘Humiliated’ couldn’t even begin to describe how he felt right now. Leon didn’t want you to look at him the way you were looking at him right now, holding that sparkle in your eyes that he had lost long ago. Was this your way of showing forgiveness? No, Leon had gone past the point of forgiveness, he was far from deserving.
Yet you listened. You didn’t frown, you didn’t pity him and give him worthless promises telling him everything was going to be okay. You knew things weren’t okay, they haven’t been since 1998. But you knew Leon enough to know he could get better, and he knew you could too.
“You know, to say we haven’t seen each other in months, we’re still so similar.” By that you meant you had fallen down the pit of depression, too. Leon knew that as soon as you spoke those words. The half empty vodka, the eye bags, the weight loss. It was all so clear. You were as broken as he was and he despised the fact that his actions had brought you to this stage of self deprecation. He didn’t want you to end up like him, dead in a coffin at a funeral no one would even bother to attend. He wanted you to care for yourself, treat yourself like the angel you are. But you were the devil in your mind, so unworthy of love from anyone that you locked your heart away and threw the key in Leon’s direction, hoping that one day he’d spot it on the ground.
How could you want him back? He knew you hadn’t said it out loud, not yet. But you weren’t cussing him out, you were empathising with him. You weren’t giving him false hope, you were mirroring your gaze with his in hopes that the sparkle would fade back into his icy blues.
“Have you met anyone else?” You had absolutely no right to question his dating life, but you couldn’t help but be curious. Had he let anyone else in, or had he spent the last 5 months alone besides the echoes of your relationship in his mind like you had been doing?
“Would you believe me if I said no?” He knew that you knew he spends his time in bars, with women itching to get on top of him, or beneath him.
“No.”
“Why”
“Because there’s other women out there.” No there isn’t.
“There’s other men out there.”
“No there isn’t.”
That sentence would’ve killed him off if he wasn’t frozen in place. You were right, it was eerie how similar you two were despite being closer to strangers than lovers for almost half a year. He expected you to find someone healthy, someone that would cherish you the way Leon always tried to, just like you deserved. Only now did he find the key to your heart, and it had been at the bottom of the bottle this whole time. He should’ve come to this bar sooner.
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God did he miss the way you’d mewl for him, digging your heels into his shoulder blades while he lapped at your cunt, so starved that he couldn’t stop to breathe if he tried. It was far better, far stronger than any addiction he’d ever had.
You were somewhat thankful that the bar had closed early and sent you both on your way, stumbling and giggling through the hotel corridors like teenagers until you reached the cotton sheets on Leon’s bed, engulfing yourself in the scent he had left on them as if it were the first time.
Lord knew you had zero complaints, not when you were finally feeling him on you for the first time in months. It hurt how much you craved his tongue on your clit, his fingers curling inside you like they had never left in the first place. Getting yourself off to the memory of him had gotten boring within the first two months, yet nothing else got you gushing down your own fingers other than the distant memory of his voice, husky and filthy against your ear while he pumped into you as if you’d disappear before he could cum inside you.
And you knew for a fact he was the same, especially after he admitted back in the bar that you were the only woman he’d ever let in. He could never stop his hands from unbuckling his belt after a rough day at work, which was almost 24/7. His jeans would pool at his ankles, his dick twitching the second his fingers wrapped around it. He’d try and mimic the way you used to jerk him off, he had committed it all to memory meaning he’d be getting a mind-blowing orgasm out of it every time. Even so, it never compared to the way you’d touch him, teasing his tip with your warm tongue before letting it prod the back of your throat, his hand tightening in your hair so selfishly yet careful as to not hurt you, that’s the last thing he wanted.
To be able to feel it all over again, it drove the two of you wild with arousal. You couldn’t help but claw at each other like animals, so eager to feel one another after so long, the rest of the world could wait. The consequences of having sex with your ex could wait.
Neither of you had the mind to think about it, not with the way he was pounding into you so roughly, truly starved. He revelled in the artwork of bites and hickeys coated all over your chest and neck, knowing he’d made you his all over again, just as you had made him yours with the same purple marks that he wore with pride.
“Fuck… fuck, feels so good..” He panted beside your ear, making sure you heard just what you were doing to him, what you were making him feel. His dick felt so natural in you, like it was moulded specifically to be inside of you, every last inch and vein. That theory was true in your mind.
“Don’t stop, Leon.. fuck, please don’t stop… want it harder..” He couldn’t just listen to you talk that way in his ear, making him throb inside of you and groan beside you, without giving you what you demanded. He thrusted harder, just like you wanted, forcing himself impossibly deep inside you. He’d do anything you asked, anything at all. Anything for your undeserving forgiveness, anything to see that love in your eyes one more time.
“Whatever you want, doll… ‘m all yours..” 
And the second you came down his cock, chanting his name like a prayer, he couldn’t stop himself from spilling inside of you with a whiny moan of your name, as if you were both declaring to the world that you belonged to him, and he belonged to you. Filling you up again felt Heavenly, like it was what he was made to do.
The aforementioned consequences never seemed to follow. Leon had opened up your heart once again. You wanted him to feel better, to be better, and he wanted the exact same for you. You wanted to take that journey with him, whether it was on your own volition or through the therapy he so strongly detested, you’d find a way.
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i definitely made reader a bit too forgiving but leon does no wrong in my eyes 💋
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vixensbrainrotts · 4 months
Text
Healing slowly — Manjiro <Mikey> Sano
Content: undefined fluff
Warnings: none
Vixen‘s two cents: This has been on my mind for a while now. If you enjoy my content, don’t be afraid to let me know and remember that my requests are open if you have an idea (im having a little bit of writers block atm).
Draken has noticed that Mikey has gotten so much better ever since you came around, how much livelier he looks and sounds and how much less he feels he has to visit to make sure Mikey’s alive. Because he has you now, and Draken knows that it’s time for him to take a step back from Mikey and let him learn to love you right.
Draken has started noticing it a while ago. How much brighter Mikey‘s skin looked, how much more genuinely he smiled, how much more enthusiastic he was about most of anything, really, hell, he even smelled better now! It took him by genuine surprise when Mikey started mentioning you, speaking shyly of how the two of you met and how Mikey seems a bit fonder of you than most. Ken thought it was just a temporary crush, nothing too important, nothing too major.
How wrong he was though, seeing that it came to the point that Mikey would come late to his own gang meetings, spend his monthly allowance on things like chocolates, flowers, cards and trinkets to gift you. It was the way that Mikey seemed to suddenly care for his appearance, ditching the overgrown hair and opting for something a little shorter, more wolffish (you mentioned you liked the cut once upon a time, he remembered). It was the way that he would care that his clothes weren’t creased, that his shoes weren’t stained, that his face was in-tact and all such casualties. It’s the way that Mikey started polishing his bike even more obsessively than before, nearly burning a hole into the rag he used with how vigorously he was rubbing it.
The first time Ken met you, he was in disbelief. Mikey, Majiro Sano, that fucking dumbass bagged YOU? How. There was no way. The disbelief led to many a questions about payment and bribery, even considering intimation and threats to be the base of your relationship. But once he talked to you, got to know you, Ken fully understood. You cared for Manjiro, made sure he was on top of his tasks, made sure that he was more aware of his own needs and fulfilled those too. Mikey cared for you too, encouraged you to take breaks, to be aware of your surroundings and making you losen up a little sometimes, making your day-to-day life just a little more exiting.
You two together were like birds of a feather. A perfectly balanced scale, your relationship was tangent to perfection. This unexpected but wonderful revelation allowed Draken to spend some of his new-found free time alone. Completely alone, nobody bothering him type of alone. There was nothing in his way, no second opinion of what he wanted to do, no nagging about the weather, and no plunderingwallet for snacks and othersuch trivial things.
Draken, whilst astounded by your dynamic, was still a little skeptic. Sure you’ve stuck with Mikey for a bit now, but how would you handle the real struggles? Mikey was a piece of work, a real lot of effort, Draken had the first hand experience to back it up. Surely you would be scared off, surely you’d try your best but eventually fall flat at the overwhelming, almost overbearing nature that Mikey surrounded occasionally. But just like in terms of the first impression, Ken was wrong. You stuck with Manjiro through the depressive episodes, through the bursts of aggression, through the phases of silent treatment, and even when he pushed you away completely, claiming that he couldn’t handle being in a relationship anymore.
Whilst the two of you had rough patches, you never broke. You bother were dedicated to each other and resilient to your relationship. It was complete mutualism with you two, no amount of strain could break the bond you two built. Ken found himself admiring your relationship, silently thankful of the security that you gave one another, and of the transformation Manjiro had gone through. He was capable of his own now. Not that he wasn’t before you, but you had encouraged him to target his weaker spots, foddering growth and comprehension of mind, emotions and expression of such.
Ken was eternally thankful of you, and has recognized that he was no longer a vital part of Mikey’s survival. Manjiro had you now.
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jungshookz · 10 months
Note
flowershop!yoongi putting a little flower behind smitten!yn's ear and her not knowing how to act
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➺ pairing; florist!yoongi x smitten!y/n
➺ genre; smitten!universe!! lil bit of fluff bc APPARENTLY the last smitten update was "genuinely devastating", "actually so depressing what the fuck was that cee", and "why would you do this to us" or something like that
➺ wordcount; 1.2k
»»————- 🌼 ————-««
“wow. not only are you a third wheel, you’ve officially become a fifth wheel. i’m impressed, i really am.” 
you immediately look up from the petunias, your shoulders drooping when you see who it is
“…yoongi.” 
you were hoping yoongi wasn’t working today because you knew he was going to make some comment about you being today’s fifth wheel but of course, because the universe is constantly shoving you down and kicking dirt in your face… here he is in all his glory 
jungkook invited you to go for lunch with him and ji-eun and co. because… well, why wouldn’t he invite you? you’re his friend, of course you’re invited for a nice lunch and a stroll downtown 
and the only reason why you guys (aka you, jungkook, ji-eun, jimin, and taehyung) are in the flower shop in the first place is because jungkook mentioned that he’d gotten ji-eun’s bouquet and teddy bear here and she wanted to take a look 
the two of them are currently chatting it up with seokjin who very clearly is trying to get jungkook to buy a massive bouquet for ji-eun and you’re slightly concerned at how good of a salesman he is because now you’re wondering if you should get a bouquet for yourself. 
as for the other two, jimin wanted to get some shots of his outfit in front of the flowers because admittedly the inside of the story is fairly vibey and taehyung’s helping him out with that 
and you… didn’t know where else you could go, so you decided to walk to the far end of the store and pretend like you were really interested in the petunias 
“what can i do to help you, buddy?” yoongi pouts mockingly, pushing his bottom lip out and making his eyes all big as he leans against the counter and folds his arms on top of it, “i can wrap the bouquet up for you so if you run in the rain again it’ll be waterproof.”
“okay, you- you really don’t have to rub it in my face like that,” you snap a little harsher than intended, but you really can’t help it because yoongi is genuinely being an asshole, “you’re just mad because you don’t have a friend who’d do something like that for you.”
“well, if i had a friend who did all of that for me and was pretty like you, i wouldn’t be friends with them anymore,” yoongi pauses, tilting his head slightly, “i’d make ‘em my girlfriend.” 
“you-“ you feel your face flush at the out-of-nowhere compliment before scoffing, “okay, now i see why you guys have five stars for customer service! i see what you’re doing, using your skills to get me to buy something-“ 
“aw, c’mon, don’t get all shy on me now…” yoongi laughs, reaching over to hook a finger against the crack of your elbow and tugging you back slightly, “you weren’t shy when you were practically begging me to open the shop up for you past closing.” 
“no, kook, you don’t need to get another bouquet for me, honestly…” you look over when you hear ji-eun laughing lightly, and almost immediately your mood dips when you see her loop her arm through his before leaning down to rest her head against his shoulder 
you wince slightly when you feel that all too familiar pinch in your chest at the sight of how loved-up the two of them are but you straighten your posture when you notice jimin looking towards your direction 
you still don’t know what his problem is with you… you’ve been quite civil with him so you really have no idea why he doesn’t seem to like you all that much 
taehyung is definitely the friendlier one but you’re still intimidated to talk to him even though he initiates a lot of conversations with you 
you just… don’t fit in with them, and you’re slightly concerned you’re losing jungkook to them-
“what’s your favourite colour?” yoongi asks all of a sudden, and you turn around to face him, grateful that he’s serving as a distraction from the searing pain in your chest-
“uh, good question!” you clear your throat, taking your bottom lip in between your teeth before shrugging, “like… like a burnt orange. a deep-toned orange? not, like, velma from scooby doo orange, a little darker than that-“ 
“okay, got it.” you jump when yoongi suddenly whips a pair of shears out from his back pocket, making a snipping motion at you before rounding the counter and walking over to the massive collection of petunias 
“you don’t strike me as a deep orange girl, but let me see here…” he fingers through them gently, humming to himself as he cups a flower in his hand gently before snipping it off, being careful not to clip his fingers by accident, “we don’t have a burnt orange colour, but this one is like a yellowy-orange.” yoongi flips the shears in between his fingers smoothly before shoving it into his back pocket and turning to face you, “hope that’s alright.”
“i- i mean, it’s alright with me because i have no idea what you’re doing,” you snort, leaning back against the counter with one ankle crossed over the other, “i hope you’re not going to make me pay for that-“
“i won’t. this one’s on me.” 
“what are you-!” you freeze when yoongi approaches you a lot closer than a salesclerk should, and almost immediately you feel your entire face light up when he smooths some of your hair back before tucking the petunia behind your ear, his tongue poking out in concentration as he adjusts it so that it won’t fall out 
“hey, look at that.” yoongi smiles, crossing his arms over his chest as he nods contently, “cute.” 
you smile meekly, unsure of what to respond with and unsure of why your stomach is doing teeny little somersaults 
“thank you.” you clear your throat quietly, leaning back a little so you can check out your reflection in the mirror, “it’s- i like the colour, it’s a nice colour.”
“mm, i know. i’m the one that grew them.” yoongi clicks his tongue as he makes his way back behind the counter, “anyway, fifth wheel- if jin asks, you definitely paid for that and i’ve been mopping the floors diligently this whole time.”
(later, when jungkook asks you where you got that flower and he finds out that yoongi gave it to you, you don’t notice the way he narrows his eyes slightly and looks back at the store. why did yoongi give you a flower?) 
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st-eve-barnes · 7 months
Text
You know that I'm no good (chapter 6)
(Modern Aegon x fem Reader, Modern Sihtric x fem Reader)
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Summary: You want Sihtric. Aegon wants Skade. There's only one small problem: Sihtric and Skade are dating each other.
This chapter: things get messy with Aegon and Sihtric, alcohol isn't always a good idea, sometimes Helaena is a bad adviser and drunken confessions don't really count, do they?
Warning for the entire series: 18+ for explicit language and smut. Angst/comfort/fluff. Fake dating and so much mutual pining. Mentions of depression/drinking/self harm.
This is an Aegon x Reader fic with a bit of Sihtric x Reader on the side. I've wanted to write a modern AU that combines The Last Kingdom and House of the dragon for a while now so here it is!
Word count: +2900
Masterlist
***
All my fics are also on AO3
***
You didn’t find Aegon again that night. You weren’t sure whether he was avoiding you or just letting you enjoy your time with Sihtric but both options bothered you. And the fact that it bothered you so much bothered you even more.
You shouldn’t even care, Aegon wasn’t your boyfriend and it wasn’t like you were in love with him so why should you care?
You weren’t in love with him. Absolutely not. You couldn’t be, it was Aegon for god’s sake. It was just a stupid crush, nothing more. It would pass, soon. Hopefully.
It was Friday night and for the fifth time in ten minutes you stared at your phone. No messages and no missed calls.
You had the entire night to watch Netflix in peace, Stranger Things was staring back at you from the screen, all you had to do was click Next Episode. 
But you couldn’t care less. All you wanted was for Aegon to call or text you and mess up your plans.
You sighed and let yourself fall down onto the couch, annoyed with everything but mostly yourself.
“Fuck it,” you grabbed your phone and decided to text Helaena.
“What are you doing tonight?”
She answered in less than a minute,“Chilling at home, why? Wanna do something?”
“Yes, please, anything, I just need to get out of the house.”
“Wanna grab a drink at Alfies?” she suggested.
“Yes!”
“I’ll meet you there in an hour!”
Alfies was a small, quiet bar near the town’s square where you and Helaena spent a lot of nights out during your years at university. It had been a while since you were last here but walking into the place was like stepping back in time, it still looked exactly the same and you felt at ease right away. 
Helaena already found you a spot at a table near the bar and you quickly made your way over to her. Before you sat down you gave her a quick hug.
“Thank you,” you whispered,”I really needed this tonight, Hel, you have no idea.”
“No worries,” she smiled up at you,”You know I’m here for you if you need anything. And every excuse to go out is fine by me.”
You both ordered more drinks, the combination of the alcohol, the Friday night atmosphere in the bar and Helaena’s funny work stories had you feeling better in no time and soon you were laughing with her and forgetting all about her stupid brother.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Helaena said after a while, noticing you seemed a lot more relaxed than when you’d first sat down,”Want to tell me why you were feeling down?”
“Not really,” you tried to duck the question and took another sip from your drink.”Just work I guess,” you added.
“You love your work, quit lying.”
You sighed, both impressed and a little annoyed that she could always read you so well.
“Okay, fine, you want the truth?” 
You should have stopped yourself right there, but the beers had loosened up your tongue and there was this ever growing need to just vent and pour your heart out to your best friend.
“It’s Aegon,” you confessed with a heavy sigh,”I might…have developed a little crush on your brother.”
That was the understatement of the year.
Helaena didn’t react at first, she just took you in and then nodded her head calmly, almost too calmly which scared you a little.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” you asked.
“What can I say? You’re clearly not listening to anything I tell you about Aegon.”
“I’m sorry,” you hid your face into your hands,”I’m sorry, I’m being such a bad friend, I know, I just…can’t help it.”
“Yes, you can but you don’t want to,” Helaena pointed out.
You hated to admit she wasn’t entirely wrong.“Okay, fine, I don’t want to,” you admitted.
Helaena nodded and leaned back,”I won’t nag you about Aegon anymore if you promise to do one little thing for me. We’re friends so I can ask you, right?”
“What is it?” you asked hesitantly.
“We’re in a bar right now and looking around I can see quite a few good-looking, nice guys.”
“Hel,” you tried to stop her but she raised her hand to stop you.
“I want you to get drunk and go home with one of these guys, you get to pick, it just can’t be my brother.”
You shook your head.
“Unless it’s Aemond,” she added,”You can fuck Aemond if you want.”
You both turned to look at Aemond who was sitting in a corner booth, enjoying his drink while ignoring everyone else.
“I don’t want to fuck Aemond,” you quickly shut down that idea.
“Okay, anyone except my brothers then, I just…you need it, babe. Getting some will clear your head, like…a factory reset, turn you on and off so you can function properly again. Because the girl I’m seeing right now is not acting like my friend. My best friend would not be dumb enough to fall in love with Aegon of all people!”
Helaena never raised her voice, and she still didn't, but there was a hard determination to her tone right now you had never heard from her before.
Her words upset you but you couldn’t really blame her. Just last month you probably would have fully agreed with her.
“Can you do that for me?” she then asked, softer.
“I feel like you’re not the best influence right now,” you pointed out.
“Maybe so but neither are you.”
You nodded,”Okay…fine, but if I do this and it does nothing for me you have to stop bitching about Aegon.”
“I promise.” 
“Fine,” you caved,”Then I’ll do it, but only because you’re my best friend. And I need more alcohol first.”
Four more beers were enough to get you just tipsy enough to come out of your shell, and your seat, and mingle at the bar. You remembered guys often tried to pick you up here during your university years, it never resulted in anything though because you weren’t the type for one nigh stands back then. You still weren’t, but these past weeks you’d done a lot of things you hadn’t done before. What was one more, right?
The first guys you’d talked to bored you within minutes and you realized this was going to be harder than you initially thought, but you didn’t intend on giving up so soon. Maybe more alcohol would make them more fun. 
After two more beers you had finally found a guy who wasn’t too bad looking and actually pleasant to talk to. He’d lived in Winchester all his life and you both talked about your favorite spots in the city, the conversation flowed pretty easily and you ignored the fact that he was probably even more drunk than you were at this point. 
And the fact that you weren’t even sure you really wanted to do this, but if it would get Helaena off your back for a while then it might be worth it.
And she was right about one thing, it wouldn’t hurt to finally get some dick again. You had been unusually horny lately.
But just as you were about to ask the guy to get out of there another girl came up to him accusing him of cheating on her best friend. Needless to say that was the end of that conversation.
“Ugh, men suck,” you sighed to yourself and took another sip from your beer.
“I apologize, my lady.”
The familiar voice made you look up and you stared right into his beautiful eyes, one blue and one brown, and that sweet, flirty smile he seemed to reserve for you.
“Sihtric,” you sighed, relieved at seeing a familiar, not to mention gorgeous, face.
“Lady Y/N,” he moved closer to you and pointed towards your empty glass,”Can I buy you another one of those?”
“I think I’ve probably had enough,” you confessed, breaking eye contact for a moment”But thank you. That comment wasn’t meant for you, by the way.”
”Good to know,” he nodded,”So, um…Aegon not with you tonight?” 
You smiled bitterly,”No, Aegon is…I don’t know where Aegon is.”
“You guys break up?” he asked, a little too hopeful.
“No, I…actually I don’t know.”
He kept his eyes on you,”Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” you no longer tried to avoid looking at him but instead gave into his flirty stare and allowed yourself to drown into his  gaze. ”Actually, no,” you confessed,”I’m not.”
“Anything I can do?” he asked softly and then he leaned closer, placing his hand on your waist,”Do you need a lift home? Or someone to talk to? I'm a good listener."
You gave him a thankful smile."You're really sweet."
He blushed a little with your compliment and gently rubbed your back before meeting your eyes again,"Tell me what you need."
Your mouth opened to speak but the words remained stuck in your throat.
"Wanna get out of here?," he then asked,"Get some air?”
You nodded.
Sihtric kept his hand protectively on your lower back, allowing you to lean into him to stay steady on your feet, while he guided you out of the bar.
As soon as you reached the front door and were out into the fresh air you both let go of each other, but not for long.
It was the alcohol, combined with the lingering promise you had made to Helaena. And the fact that you’d been horny as hell for weeks now and that maybe she was right and you did just need to get dicked down. Preferably by a hot, sweet guy like Sihtric.
You grabbed his hand again and pulled him with you, trapping yourself between his body and the wall behind you, your eyes meeting his in a silent plea. He placed one hand on your waist and rested the other against the wall, right next to your face, as he leaned in.
“Want me to take your mind off him?” he whispered while gently nuzzling your cheek. You grabbed his shirt to pull him closer and nodded your head.
His lips met yours in a soft, needy kiss and you moaned into it right away. It was all the encouragement he needed, hand sliding down your hip while the other moved into your hair. He deepened the kiss while placing himself in between your legs, pressing into you and letting you feel his hardness. You rocked back against him, just as impatient, and you both moaned at the friction.
Sihtric’s mouth moved down to your neck, licking and sucking your skin and your eyes closed in a blissful sigh. His kisses were sloppy and needy and it made you throb in all the right places.
“Fuck,” you whined.
He smiled against your skin.“You want this, right?” he checked.
You nodded eagerly,”Yes, I want this.”
He pulled your leg up around his waist and started grinding against your center, letting you feel all of him this time and there was a lot of him.
“Sihtric,” you moaned quietly when he placed little love bites on your neck.
Your hips were moving along with his, his cock giving you that perfect friction and if he kept doing this any longer you were going to fall apart just from this. Your eyes closed and you bit your lip to keep yourself from moaning too loud. 
And then you made the mistake of opening them up again and looking over Sihtric’s shoulder.
Blond messy hair and gorgeous, very familiar, angry blue eyes were staring right back at you. With a surprised yelp you pushed Sihtric off of you.
“What the hell?” Sihtric’s shock was short-lived when he saw Aegon.”Oh shit…hey, I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to…I thought…she…”
Aegon wasn’t showing any emotion apart from the undeniable fire in his eyes, aimed right at Sihtric,”Can I please talk to my girlfriend?”
“Yeah, of course, I’m sorry,” Sihtric looked at you one last time, mouthing “sorry” again before he quickly fled the scene, leaving you alone with Aegon.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, calmly.
“Me?! What the hell do you think you’re doing??” you threw back, a lot less calm than him,”Are you stalking me or something?"
"I was just on my way home."
"Well, be on your way then! I was having a good time before you showed up.”
“Against the wall of the fucking bar? For the whole of Winchester to see?”
You looked around and only now noticed there were more people around than you had initially noticed and too many of them had their eyes on you. You wanted the ground to open up and swallow you. 
There is no way you would have done what you just did with Sihtric in a public place like this if you’d been sober.
“I didn’t…notice that,” you admitted quietly.
“No, I didn’t think so," Aegon answered, too smug for your liking," Whose stupid idea was this, huh, did he talk you into this?”
“Actually it was Helaena.”
Aegon’s eyes widened.”Why on earth would Hel tell you to fuck…”
“It doesn’t matter now,” you interrupted him, wanting desperately to get out of this conversation. You suddenly felt exposed in every way and you wrapped your arms around yourself and sighed deeply.
Aegon's irritation fell immediately upon seeing your obvious discomfort.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, shaking off his frustration,”It's just…you looked pretty drunk and I didn't know if he was...I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do something you’ll regret later.”
You scoffed.“For your information I’m not that drunk, but thank you, oh my knight in shining armor for saving me from the insanely hot guy before he could make me cum. How will I ever repay you?”
Aegon’s gaze turned hard again and he avoided your eyes. You tried to walk past him, showing him just how annoyed you were with him, but your legs were wobbly and your head was light. You were struggling to keep your balance and you bumped into him, hard.
Aegon’s hands came to rest on your hips, keeping you steady and then his eyes were on yours, his gaze unexpectedly soft.“Not that drunk, huh?” he teased with a little smirk.
You wished so hard you could stay mad at him but when he looked at you like that all your anger faded. You hated how much you couldn't even hate him.
Maybe Aegon was right, maybe you would have regretted sleeping with Sihtric once all the alcohol had left your body and you were able to think straight again. Maybe it would have been the worst mistake of your life. 
Or maybe it wouldn’t have been. Maybe it would have been amazing and exactly what you needed to push Aegon out of your mind. You would never know now.
But one thing was undoubtedly true: deep down in your heart you knew Sihtric wasn’t your first choice. Not anymore.
Your first choice was staring at you with genuine concern in his big, beautiful eyes and your heart was breaking with how much you felt for him.
“Aegs,” your voice was nothing but a pleading whisper, hands grabbing at his shirt.
His hands were still resting on your hips and he pulled you a little closer to him, his voice nothing but softness now,”Want me to take you home, sweetheart?”
You nodded.
The walk wasn’t far but without Aegon to lean on you weren’t sure you would have made it there in one piece. He helped you up the stairs to your apartment and onto your couch, where you sank down with a dramatic sigh and let your head fall back into the cushions.
“God, I am never drinking again,” you stated, making him laugh.
“That’ll pass.”
He let himself sink down next to you on the couch,”Can I get you anything? Food? Water? A bucket?”
You laughed but firmly shook your head.”I’m good...can you stay for a while though?”
You turned your head to look at him, meeting his soft eyes again and Aegon nodded.
“Sure,” he whispered,”As long as you want.”
“Thank you."
“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry if I ruined your night,” he spoke softly, looking into your eyes, your faces right next to each other now,”I shouldn’t have interfered.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” you reassured him,”The truth is…you were right, I was pretty drunk, still am, and I probably would have regretted that in the morning. So...it's fine, don't worry about it.”
Aegon smiled and then neither of you spoke for a while. The room felt too quiet and you bit your tongue, realizing you should swallow your next words and not make things more complicated. But the alcohol in your blood disagreed and thought this would be the perfect time for total honesty.
“Aegs...I didn’t really want to fuck Sihtric, you know,” you confessed,”I only did it because…”
You sighed deeply and Aegon leaned in to look into your eyes,“What is it, baby?”
“I only did it so I could forget about you,” you whispered, regretting the words as soon as they left your lips.
Aegon was staring at you, unable to speak or process your words for a moment. The room was suddenly spinning even though he hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol and the way you were looking up at him through your lashes, your gaze so sincere and innocent, it was too much for him to handle. It took everything in him not to pull you into his lap and kiss you right there but he didn’t.
Instead he just took your hand and squeezed it softly.
“It’s okay,” you smiled weakly,”I know you don’t feel that way about me and it’s fine. It'll pass.”
“Look at me,” he pleaded.
You did as he asked, immediately drowning into those pools of blue.
“You know that’s not true, right?” he then whispered.
“’What? No, it’s...its fine,” you were slurring over your words now,”You don’t need to say anything, I just…wanted you to know…you would have been my first choice.”
He bit his lip and then swallowed hard, shaking his head,“You’re drunk, baby, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do, I do know what I’m saying,” you insisted but your words came out all wrong again.
Aegon just shook his head with a smile and then his eyes were on yours again,“I’m the last person you want to fall in love with, sweetheart, trust me on that.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m no good,” he simply answered, looking away while giving you the saddest smile you’d ever seen on him, which of course only made you want him more.
”But you are,” you disagreed, keeping your eyes on him even as he tried so hard to avoid yours,”You are good, Aegon, I know you are, I can see it in you.”
“You don’t know me at all, love,” he whispered and moved away from you on the couch”You should just go to bed now, sleep it off. You'll feel better in the morning.”
“Will you stay?” you asked him.
He shook his head,”I really shouldn’t.”
“Please, I don’t want to be alone, you have to watch over me as I sleep, I could get a concussion.”
Aegon couldn’t help it, his lips curled up into an amused smile,”That’s only when you bump your head not when you’re drunk.”
“Oh,” you smiled and then ended up in a laughing fit, making Aegon shake his head.
“God, you’re so stupid,” he smiled fondly, no longer able to not look at you,"And so drunk."
“You’re stupid,” you teased him.
“Fine, I’ll stay with you,” he caved,”Wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself in your sleep.”
You smiled satisfied,”You can sleep in my bed with me.”
“Absolutely not, I’m taking the couch.”
You pouted at him, giving him your best sad puppy eyes.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Look at me like that, it…makes it really hard for me to say no to you.”
“That’s the point,” you grinned and you reached for him again but Aegon just grabbed your arms to stop you.
“Go to bed, please, I’ll stay here in case you need anything but I am not sleeping with you.”
You pouted again and pulled away from him,”Pfff, you’re no fun, I thought you were the fun Targaryen but you're worse than Aemond.”
Aegon just smiled and shook his head at your attempt at insulting him,"Go to bed."
"Fine," you turned your back on him,"But it's your loss."
Aegon just watched you go and waited until you were in your bedroom before he let himself fall down onto your couch with a quiet grunt.”Yeah, I know.”
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alittleposhtoad · 10 months
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oh bury me not on the lone prairie (pt 1)
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Taskforce 141 - Cowboy AU - f!reader Synopsis: You're a doctor on the frontier, and your life of solitude ends abruptly upon the arrival of four strangers one hazy summer night. Things to note: no use of y/n, references to death of a family member, grieving/coping, angst, vague threats, based on my knowledge of spaghetti westerns ergo, historical inaccuracies Word count: 1.3k a/n: i was possessed by the spirit of sergio leone on my lunch break and wrote this in one sitting so apologies as its probably choppy and poorly edited.
Series Masterlist | Part 2
Vibrant oranges and yellows split the horizon; the setting sun gilds the tops of patchy trees and vast rolling hills. Shadows grow long in the distance between there and here, giving an impression of a crown at the edge of the visible world.
A solitary farmhouse stands in the center of an unfinished clearing, soaking up the very last of a hazy summer sun. Nestled behind the house is a humble barn, where the gentle lowing of a grumpy mama cow and a small group of clucking hens can be heard. By the pond, adding to the seasonal symphony, is the steady croak of a lazy toad, and by the edge of the clearing, the trilling chant of the whip-poor-will.
Ill-omen to hear ‘em at dusk. Words said idly around the corncob pipe dangling from his sun burnt lips. Those many days ago, you scoffed at his idea. What a silly notion, you said, that a bird might steal your soul.
The memory stings.
It cuts.
It needles and goads.
Tears gather along fluttering lashes, and you dab them dry, careful not to stain the paper below.
What was life under this wide-open sky? Heavenly, your pa would call it. Living such a wild and rugged dream. With affection, you were young tenderfoots with bright, starry eyes. That was all he saw. Hmph. He had no patience for arguments, for discourse on the matter. And you hadn’t the heart to change his mind, not yet. Pa put too much stock in those despicable dime novels and salacious nickel weeklies. The proselytizing of frontier life by those wishy-washy writers was often a far cry from the grinding existence every newcomer was forced to carve out. It was lonely and grueling out here in the untamed world. But you stayed. You stayed because you weren’t ready for them. For ma and pa. You’d let them keep their idyllic notions a little longer. Because bearing their sad eyes and soft condolences while they schemed your hasty departure from widow-dom was more than you could endure.
So, you sit by the window of your new farmhouse, in the center of an unfinished clearing, watching the sun set behind the hills in quiet solitude. Alone. The dim light finally strains your weak eyes, which swiftly turns into a dull ache. A quick rub of your eyes, a pinch of your nose, and you prepare for the Evening Routine.
Precision.
Order.
It was a daily goal to work towards, a sneaky cheat to help you survive each day. To reach the finish line and prepare for the next. And each day ends like this:
You finish the day's medical notes and lay the dip-pen in its rectangle box. The wooden handle of the pen is like polished glass after years of use. Worn down by each idle touch. It is familiar and soothing in your hand. Next, you place the inkpot at its side, carefully nestled into its own depression, its lid screwed on tight. You tuck the box into the edge of the desk, safely hidden. To your left is a chest, filled with equipment worth more than the sum total of your land. You open it, checking once, then twice, making sure every item is accounted for. Your hand hovers over each part, careful not to touch the previously disinfected tools. Satisfied, you close and lock the lid. You replaced the woven cord around your neck, and the weight of the key against your chest is comforting. It grounds you. Assures you that everything is where it should be.
The rest is commonplace and swiftly completed. Hair unpinned and braided neatly, a night cap fixed squarely atop your head, outer layers neatly put away, ready for the next day’s routine.
The thinning quilt and rough cotton sheets rustle with the slightest movement, the noise fills the silence as you lay in bed. Idle thoughts fall to the candlestick stubs on the nearby table. Time had run away from you this day. You’d need to make more – it was hardly a chore. Fresh beeswax candles would be lovely.
“Tomorrow.” You promise softly to yourself. Between appointments. The beeswax was ready for melting. Wouldn’t be too troublesome to start the process. Your mind lingers on tedious plans and ill-omens until you finally succumb to a fitful sleep.
You should’ve shot that damn bird.
It was to be an unlucky night. Disorienting, at first. Worrisome. It all began in the witching hour.
Your sleep weary mind registers nothing more than a blustery night. Window shutters not properly latched, clapping against the siding. A racket that knocks against the wooden clapboards again and again. As wakefulness pulls you from the murky depths of a confounding dream, the noise takes shape. Clarity begins to take hold. The repeating racket has rhythm and a voice.
A group is hollerin’, desperate to be heard.
Someone’s been hurt bad. Real bad.
The homestead was far enough on the outskirts of town, that if someone made their way at such an ungodly hour, it demanded immediate attention. You flew from your bed, hastily draping your dressing gown around yourself as you stumble to the door.
“One moment!” You call. Sleep shaky hands grasp the old tinder box. A cozy glow envelops the space as you light the tallest candle. The pounding on the door worms into your head, coaxing a matching ache. Much longer and they might just tear it down. Heart racing and fingers trembling, you grasp the latch and pull it free. 
With the brief give, the door swings open, a gust of tepid night air pushing it into your side. It sends the flame on your candle into a wild dance, and you raise a hand to protect it from being extinguished. 
A towering silhouette fills the frame, shielding all that waits beyond. The loose duster jacket and wide-brimmed hat did little to hide his towering, broad-shouldered frame. An imposing figure to be sure.
You reason it was strange to fear what a man couldn't control. He could hardly be blamed for how the Lord formed him. Holding up the candle, the flame reflects across azure eyes. A wintry gaze pierces you, feeling altogether indecent. Eyes that are impassive. Assessing.
The man is unknown to you, and fear grips your heart, squeezing like the icy fingers of death itself. Unbidden, your hand flies to the key around your neck, squeezing it tightly in your palm, letting the prongs dig into your flesh. 
His broad hand reaches in and grips the door, preventing you from closing it. So wickedly tall he's required to duck his head in order to step through. You stand your ground, forcing him to move uncomfortably close, his bearded chin tucks to his chest to see you clearly. The heady scent of tobacco, mixed with sweat and gunpowder, rolls off him, an achingly familiar smell. One that sparks tears in the corner of your eyes. 
"You the medicine woman?" His baritone voice rasps and rumbles, accented words betraying where he hails from.
"The town doctor, yes." You nod. 
The man’s lips twitch under a brown beard. Muttonchops peppered with silvery strands catch the light of the flickering candle. He stares you down in a way that feels cold and calculating before removing his hat and wiping his brow.  
"Here's what's going to happen, love. You're going to treat my man, patch him up nice, and we'll part ways without a fuss. How closely these events are followed is entirely up to you." He steps aside to wave at others standing in the darkness beyond.
The fear that stirs your guts dull as two shadowy figures drag a third man up the shallow steps of your front porch. His head lolls forward, exposing sweat drenched skin, and a complexion fading to a sickly pallor. Pleading eyes of the men who carry him find yours, and a knot of pity constricts your heart. 
"Get in." With a curt nod, you step back and gesture to the kitchen. "And I'll need an assistant, training is not needed, just a steady hand will do."
Ill-omen indeed. You cast a mournful look to the sleepy town in the distance and pray this night wouldn't be your last.
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babystrcandy · 10 months
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interlude | jjk
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summary: Growing up you only had one goal: beat Jeon Jungkook. Sometimes you'd win, other times you'd lose. Sometimes he'd lose, other times he'd win. But you'd both walk away from the match thinking the other was the lucky one.
pairing: tlo!jungkook x fem!reader rating/genre: 18+ Minors DNI | sports au, fwb, fluff word count: 2.9K chapter summary: When Jungkook was little, he used to wish on shooting stars that he'd hear a bell when he met his soulmate. warnings/notes: this is part of my the lucky one jk series; it does not need to be read in order to understand the fic, it's just an extra pov from jk, no smut but i'm leaving this as 18+ because of the topics discussed, typos probably, explicit language, abuse of alcohol mentioned, your name references/inspo, descriptions of anxiety, depression, mental illness, trichotillomania (pulling out of hair: in this case eyelashes), just a lil look into jk's brain, i think that’s it but if i missed anything please let me know, i hope you enjoy, my loves <3
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chapter four 1/2: interlude ( ← previous | next → )  
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BECOMING SOMEONE HAD NEVER truly been on Jeon Jungkook’s radar. He was born to two loving parents who adored each other as much as they loved him. They weren’t exactly poor or rich, they were just owners of another small restaurant on the streets of Busan, selling mostly chicken that young Jungkook would normally take to school for lunch when it wouldn’t sell.
That was supposed to be his legacy, and he was fine with that. He quite liked helping his mother in the kitchen and packaging the orders.
It wasn’t like they’d sat him down and told him he’d be forced to sell chicken all his life once he got older. No, actually, his mother had always told him to shoot for the stars. He could be anything he wanted as long as he was a good person at the end of the day.
And Jungkook had lived by that.
So becoming someone to him never meant becoming someone great . . . it just meant becoming someone kind.
Until he discovered badminton. You, his mother’s best friend’s daughter, and consequently his best friend since birth, also discovered badminton at the same time. And the both of you . . . the both of you discovered that badminton could be your chance at becoming someone . . . great.
You had taken quite a liking to this fact. You’d been the first to buy all the equipment and when Jungkook said he wasn’t that interested . . . you used all your saved-up birthday money to buy him equipment of his own. (You knew he was just lying anyway. You knew the Jeons didn’t have enough to buy Jungkook his very own racket . . . so you took matters into your own hands. He knew now that was the day he’d developed a crush on you. (A small, childhood crush of course, but still a crush he always remembered.)
He’d never wanted it as much as you, though, and he knew that. He used to think that he did. He used to think that making it to the Olympics would be a dream come true, but even now, after everything, he wasn’t sure if that had ever been true.
Jungkook had loved badminton . . . but he’d been gradually falling out of love with it for years now. But one small fact made it hard for him to admit this: he was good; no . . . he might have been one of the best.
He supposed that was why the little feud with you had started in the first place. He had never really cared about the sport, whereas you had always cared too much, and so his careless actions, yet ever so gracious, results managed to always get under your skin.
And of course, he’d find it funny, mostly because you scrunched your nose in this cute way when you were angry.
(He didn’t like to admit it, but he’d always used to challenge you just to show off to you. Now . . . not in a cruel way . . . but rather, he did it to try to impress you. Yeah . . . it had never really worked out in his favor.)
But he never really minded your attitude toward him. He knew the two of you were some weird kind of friends, and he liked that. He liked having you near him, just like he had liked having Taehyung and Jimin close.
He’d never really liked anyone else . . . (He didn’t realize why until later in life.)
So, yeah, there you had it . . . Jeon Jungkook had the chance to become someone great, but he’d never wanted to be that. He’d just wanted to be kind like his mother had wished him to be. But things didn’t work out that way; Life . . . didn’t work out that way, and in becoming someone great . . . he’d become something he wasn’t proud of.
And that was true . . .
. . . becoming someone had never been on Jeon Jungkook’s radar until he’d turned into someone he barely recognized; until he’d become a ghost of his old self. He hadn’t realized he’d been becoming this . . . person all his life; that it hadn’t started after the incident; that it’d started even when he was a kid.
Because you see, Jungkook had been pulling and plucking at his eyelashes since the sixth grade when he started developing his . . . issues. Like when he’d wake in the morning with his heart racing and his stomach churning, creating a nervous sickness deep inside of him all because he had to attend school. (He’d go all day with that feeling taking over his body. Eventually, he just kind of got used to always having this tight feeling constricting his lungs unless he pretended to fall ill and call his mother to come to pick him up from school.) Or when he’d be left with no choice other than to talk to his peers because that's what you're supposed to do when you're growing up: make friends.
And he’d hide this by putting on a personality. He’d make himself big, loud, and unmissable so no one could ever make him feel small. He’d make fun of himself, make himself seem more approachable, more well-rounded, and less easy to offend. Because if he made himself seem stupid; if he made himself seem laid back . . . no one would think to judge him.
Of course, that didn’t always work. Sometimes people became too comfortable with him. Sometimes so comfortable they’d say things about him to his face, thinking he wouldn’t mind. And while he did make it seem like he didn’t care . . . he did, and hearing those things from people he called friends made him wonder if anyone actually liked him.
That only made him feel more alone.
So he had friends, yes, but none of them ever really knew him because . . . well . . . that had always made him . . . freak out.
And the thing they don't tell you about anxiety: there is no give and take; it just takes and takes and takes.
. . .
He used to think once he got older, these nerves would die down, but he just became scared of new things. He knew how to hide his nerves more now, but storming off toward a bar or disappearing for days on end only worked so much. No matter what he’d always find himself right back at square one . . . He’d sit down by himself, pulling at the ends of his eyelashes because it'd be the only thing he knew that would calm him down.
The funny thing about that was the fact that he used to get compliments about how long his eyelashes were when he was younger (mostly from his mother, followed by her pinching his cheeks but you know . . . ). He didn't even notice just how quickly these compliments stopped once his strange little addiction kicked in. Now in their place were broken lashes and small gaps at the tails of his eyes.
Until the small anxiety tic grew into something so much more . . .
Even as he grew, he never truly learned how to deal with the tight feeling in his chest that would consume him when he got even slightly overwhelmed, and that seemingly small habit never left his side. Like some sick vice, the urge to pluck and pull and pick at his body, at his chapped lips, at his eyelashes, and even the tails of his eyebrows, never went away. They only got worse.
It wasn't until the incident that his strange habit developed into something more gruesome. And this new habit he had developed couldn't be hidden with a silly little white lie. No, this he couldn't hide, because of the simple fact that there was no way he could make things right with his friends, with his teammates, with Tae or even himself. There was no way he could hide just how badly he wished he could take Tae’s place. There was no way anyone could look at him the same again, especially as his tiny habits turned into day-long benders filled with booze and drunk walks back to the dorm. He couldn’t hide the smell of alcohol on his breath no matter how many times he scrubbed at his teeth.
The feeling of numbing everything; of just being able to forget . . . would still stick, and the urge to do it again and again and again would remain because that was the thing about anxiety: it only knew how to take and take and take.
He’d tried to stop a few times before it got worse. He’d tried to quiet the urge and just let it be . . . but he never could, not when he was reminded of what he had done every day.
And the thing was: Jungkook knew he never truly believed he would stop. He had wanted to. Trust him, he wanted to believe that he had actually been getting better, that he wouldn't need the booze and the euphoria which came from numbing the pain inside him. But he always knew he’d give in. He knew his memories would seep back in. They always had.
The past had a way of sneaking up on Jeon Jungkook, and his anxiety only fed on it.
He’d thought he’d left everything behind him. He thought he could live in this sick limbo, forever dotting the line between madness and numbness. Truly, he really thought he could, and he almost did.
Until he saw you again.
He remembered he had walked into that bar all those months again, expecting nothing but another drink in his hand, but there you were, a scowl on your face and a furrowed brow. And suddenly, it was as if he had been transported three years back.
The past was looking him right in the face, and he couldn’t cross it out. He couldn’t put an X on your face and pretend not to know you. He couldn’t pretend to not remember. He couldn’t erase those years. He couldn't erase you.
So he sat down right in front of you, and then he saw it. He’d seen how nervous you had been, trying to make yourself blend in with the group. He’d seen just how different you had become in just three years. And then he saw you bite your fingernails, taking note of the dried blood.
You had an anxious tic, too.
And he wondered if you understood how all this felt.
He wished he could say what his plan was after that, but truth be told: he had no idea. He just remembered touching your hand once and he couldn’t stay away. He supposed a part of him . . . perhaps the part of him stuck in the past couldn’t let a part of you go. And, sure, he wasn’t sure what that all meant but it did mean something . . . and he trusted it.
He still trusted that gut feeling as he brought a hand up to his eyes, rubbing them to clear the sleep from the corners. Dropping his hand, he finally took the time to focus his eyesight, squinting in the dark as he turned his head to the side, finding none other than you sound asleep with your mouth slightly agape as you snored softly.
Then . . . you let one loud snore out, and he couldn’t help it: his grin grew so wide, his eyes crinkling as he silently laughed.
You were a snorer. A loud one at that.
This was something he’d keep to himself.
You’d never admit it if he told you. So he’d keep this to himself. It was something he knew about you that would stay a secret, and that in itself had him attempting to reach for you, but he found that your hand was already clutched tightly around his thumb, stopping him from moving entirely.
With a small smile on his face, he gently pulled the hand wrapped around his thumb, slowly moving you into his arms. Luckily, you were a heavy sleeper, so when he’d finally tucked you into his chest, his chin resting on the crown of your head, you were still snoring into his skin without even stirring in the slightest.
And finally, he could breathe a sigh of relief.
But for what? he still pondered.
And then it hit him.
He’d recognized that look on your face, the nail-biting, your demeanor . . . He recognized it because he knew it well. That look, those feelings, the habits . . . he’d borne those, too. He still did.
Perhaps he had issues with letting the past go. Or perhaps he felt a sense of familiarity with you.
Or maybe he believed in you more than he believed in himself.
And then it clicked.
Jungkook wasn’t exactly a fan of parties. In college, he’d attend them for the sake of his team, perhaps even help throw them, but he’d always find himself standing near Taehyung or Jimin, trying to pass the time before he could crawl into his bed. So . . . when his social battery would drain out . . . Jungkook liked to watch movies.
All kinds of movies . . . sometimes shows. He liked anime and dramas. Hated Pulp Fiction and most sitcoms (mostly because he thought they were trying too hard to be funny half the time). But he didn’t mind romance movies. In fact, he preferred to watch them. He didn’t really find the point in watching something if there wasn’t at least one well-written romance.
He loved love, although it had never really worked out for him, but he still believed in it. His parents had shown him that.
Call him a hopeless romantic, he didn’t care. That was what he was.
He liked thinking that everything would work out the way it was supposed to. It made his anxiety subside enough to let him breathe, although most days he lost sight of that. Most days he lost sight of everything.
But . . . he never truly lost sight of you . . .
Anyway . . .
One of his favorite go-to movies when things would get . . . too much . . . as a kid was Your Name. He loved the art, he loved the plot, the characters . . . everything. He loved the fact that despite it all, a soul connection would always be a soul connection.
When he was little he’d even wished upon shooting stars that he’d hear bells when he found his soulmate. But no bells ever rang, and Jungkook grew up. He realized no bells would ever ring, and that was OK. (He still had just an ounce of hope . . . not that he’d admit that.)
Now . . . OK . . . maybe he was going a little overboard. He’d realized now that perhaps soulmates didn’t exactly exist. Maybe two people just happen to find each other and fit into each other, but where was the fun in that? (Fine, he was getting off track. Fine.))
Soulmates didn’t have to exist. Jungkook could admit that.
But every once in a while, two people find each other and maybe no bells ring and there’s no red string tying them together . . . but . . . they meet and everything else doesn’t seem that scary as long as that person is standing beside them. Maybe that was Jungkook’s fucked up version of love, but he believed in that. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what you’d call fate . . . but it was . . . something . . .
And for a second, as he toyed with your hair, he wondered if you believed in soulmates. That only made him grin, because of course not! You didn’t believe in soulmates, he knew that.
You believed in people.
You believed in . . . him . . .
Jungkook slowly blinked. He knew that now.
He wasn’t exactly sure what that all meant . . . but . . . but you’d sat there and you’d listened to everything that had happened to him . . . and you’d understood. You’d understood him and you’d looked him right in the eyes and told him he wasn’t alone. And fuck . . . he’d believed you.
Maybe it would take a lot longer for him to accept everything you had said, but he did know one thing: you would be there.
And he . . . he wanted to be there for you.
He felt . . . that.
He felt it all.
At the time, he had wondered what he should call this feeling. He’d almost forced himself to stay up half the night with you snoring in his arms while he tried to find the right word, desperately mauling over countless explanations after explanations . . . until . . . well . . .
As Jungkook closed his eyes, squeezing you a little tighter, and breathing in your scent, he realized what he had been trying to ignore ever since he saw you again at the bar all those months ago. He realized why it had always been your opinion that mattered to him the most; why he didn't mind putting on matching froggy headbands with you and doing face masks while just letting the world . . . be; why he could never forget you; why he’d always searched for you in everything . . . even in how he’d dress. He realized why it had always been you; why he would always choose you no matter what over and over again.
And then he realized why that all occurred.
Jungkook loved you.
Wait—
Fuck!
He loved you. He loved you. Holy fuck, he fucking loved you! And fucking hell, he was sure he always had.
He realized this wasn’t just a feeling. There were no bells, and no bells were needed. He couldn’t find a red string tying the two of you together, and he didn’t care to search. He knew this wasn’t just a feeling. No, it was . . . love.
And for a second time that night, he wondered what you believed in . . . and if it included him at all . . .
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taglist:
@hrts4kook , @taehyungs-chopsticks , @loomipee , @st3ft0n3s , @callmenada , @neg-l3ct , @dawn33 , @illegurlbangtan , @jeonsdetails , @rihabaxl , @yoongipost , @jjk1iscoming , @miumiugurl , @sadgirlroo , @lucwithbangtan , @iamsisuu , @shanelleeex , @beonim , @sherlynxx , @fairy1919 , @purplewhales , @bloopkook , @ggukcanim , @bloodline1632 , @jungkooksseuphoria , @tea4sykes , @mugiwaraelly , @darkuni63 , @jalexad , @lpgirl2324 , @fairy-jaykay , @h0tvillainap0logist , @stuffy16 , @keniicastillo , @yoongukie-ff , @seesawe , @chocolatesublimesoul , @yopjm , @jeonlovescoffee , @xmirvamx , @jk-190811 , @percyjacksonlovesannabethchase , @vminkookgf , @werxyz , @tornparts , @aprilspring , @kswr1d , @jimilter , @02010802 , @sunsetnamjin​ , @lonekittycat , @moonchild1 , @hanamgi , @yoongslast , @heronstairsxd @pointofviewyugyeom
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nouearth · 9 months
Note
a soulmate AU where you can write on your skin and have it appear on the body of your soulmate. with bart allen x dark angsty reader
i just combined your two asks together since they're pretty similar. hope you like it!
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it's okay to not be okay.
pairing ; bart allen x m!reader. fandom: ; dc, the flash, young justice. word count ; 896. genre; angst & comfort. rating ; pg-13. warnings ; comfort!fic, soulmate!au, topic of depression notes ; i've been kinda on a creative block, so i'm so sorry if this sucks, lol. bart is aged up by the way!
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“you up?” the sound of rain accompanies you as you’re sat at your desk, waiting for a response beneath your written question. it’s one of those nights again. another night of endless tossing and turning because of thoughts—stupid thoughts. naturally, parts of your body find a rhythm as a way to shake out those bad thoughts, an impromptu exorcism you liked to joke. 
your fingers nervously drum against cherry wood, your leg bouncing in pursuit, and your heart races all at the same time, as you wait for a response. it’s four am, you weren’t exactly hopeful for one, but somehow, bart has yet to fail you.
“brley.” you’re calmed by the appearance of the black ink on your skin, smiling now. barely. he’s missing an ‘a’ but you figured you’d give him a pass considering how late it is.
“sorry. just wanted to see if you were still awake.” you write smaller than usual on your skin, accommodating for the longer sentence. 
“drinking a coke now! you ok?” his handwriting is sloppy as usual, but you find it endearing. it’s almost like he’s rushing to talk to you and you couldn’t complain about that—you do the same.
“4 am thoughts again?”  bart continues on before you could write a response. he’s always been a quick replier, impossibly fast at times.
it hasn’t been long since… all of this started happening. you never believed in having a soulmate, even attempted to refute the idea. but the existence of bart allen has convinced you into believing, maybe… just maybe, that he’s the one. bart always knew what was on your mind simply by how long it would take you to respond at times. that’s how impressive he is. he always knew what to say. not because he’s wise or smart (though, he is), but because he knew how to make you laugh. and you can feel yourself healing, though baby-steps, the more you spent time with him.
“you know me.”
“and i always want to know more! favorite cheesecake flavor? mine’s a basque.” you chuckle as more words appear on your skin, quickly extending over the length of your forearm as bart never cared to write small. “i know, it’s a little too fancy for me, but that caramelization is YUM!”
“and i thought you knew me, bart…” you write just as the previous responses vanish into your skin. “you know i don’t like sweets.”
“i know and it’s why i’ve docked you down to being 95% compatiable with me.” a smug smiley face with its tongue sticking out ends his sentence and you draw whatever you can imagine at the moment over it like you often do, both to your amusement.
for a moment, you forgot why you even woke him in the first place. bart makes time pass by, the problem and care of the world—of life—fleet away when you’re with him. but when you’re not, everything is numb. white noise follows you everywhere. the only reason why you come out of bed is to go to work, but you work idly, breathing as best as you can. living as best as you can.
you didn’t realize you’ve been staring off into space until you felt soft pressure applied to your forearm again, breaking your focus. “you never answered if you were okay or not.” 
it takes a moment, a long moment until you gather the courage to respond.
“honestly? no…” you sigh to yourself, admitting defeat. 
sometimes, there were days where you felt okay. but they were rare. you hated feeling like this. merely stating how you felt made you uncomfortable, but you’ve been lying to him, to yourself for so long. you aren’t okay. because the longer you lied to yourself, the more you hurt everybody, what’s left of everybody, around you.
you’ve stopped doing your favorite things again, opting to sleep the entire day away if you could. but you knew it was unhealthy. so you try. you try to make yourself okay, whatever that meant. going to the beach, taking a walk in the park, it was something. but you always found yourself wanting, dreaming to be one of those attributes that had people returning to those locations. the gentle sunset that warmed cold shores, the breeze that kept park benches cool, you wished you had that effect on someone—to have them return.
but to have them return is to get better, work towards being better. you’ve hurt a lot of people. those that have tried to help you, stood by you, but you’ve pushed them all away by now, and you’re alone. painfully alone.
“you remember what i told you from before, right?”
“yeah.”
you think to yourself, will bart return if something happened? if you were an ass to him? said or acted hurtful towards him? you knew you would never intentionally, but it’s a thought—a scary one. 
“it’s okay to not be okay.” you both write simultaneously, your print in small and bart’s in large.
you’re not doing well. you admit to yourself again, and that’s okay. you remind yourself, alongside with bart’s writing. it’s a part of life and most of all, a step in the right direction. to healing, to being better, to being okay.
“i’m always be here for you.”  “you always know what’s on my mind, bart.”
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© nouearth. please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works. and if you like this story, please reblog and leave a like!
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Text
Making A Deal (Part 1)
Summary: House doesn't take the news of you wanting to quit your job at the hospital well, and he definitely doesn't take it well when you decide not to tell him why you're leaving.
You don't think it's any of his business, he thinks it is—the argument leads to you making a deal.
Warning(s): use of y/n & l/n (your name & last name), closeted reader, reader presenting as female throughout the fic & being referred to as a woman, House being House & making some comments that may come off as transphobic
Pairing(s): Greg House x ftm! Reader
Something felt off when you were growing up—you don’t remember exactly when you became aware of it. Over time, the feeling grew and grew, but you ignored it, and pushed it away.
Instead of the feeling, you focused all your time and energy on other things—grades, homework, friends, and your future.
It grew and grew, almost as if it were inside you. You went to school, and sometimes it got increasingly difficult to get up and put on a fake smile, but it all felt worth it because you were going to help people. And sometimes you grimaced when professors referred to you as “miss l/n”, but it all felt worth it because eventually, they would have to refer to you as “doctor”. And it felt jarring and uncomfortable to wear the blouses, and the heels, and the skirts, but you knew that one day you would be wearing a white coat and scrubs, and you wouldn’t be required to dress like that every day.
You mistook the feeling for a lot of things—being misunderstood, lonely, ambitious, depressed. Perhaps those came with the feeling, but you thought at one point it would stop. You thought that at one point: it’s got to stop.
And even when you realized what it truly was—your discomfort with living and presenting as female—you were damn good at hiding it, and you were a damn good doctor.
You were always able to spot what was wrong with a patient, but more importantly, you could tell when they were lying, or not telling you everything about a situation. You knew how to approach patients to make them more comfortable about sharing information with you—or at least you did most of the time.
This is what allowed you to succeed when you started working with House—you went from being bossed around because he thought you couldn’t do anything, to being bossed around because he thought you could get the patient to open up to you more than him.
You knew you would miss it, but you also knew you had to make a better life for yourself—which is why you decided to quit.
Today marked the start of your last week—you had exactly 7 more days to go. That didn’t mean you didn’t have any paperwork, though, and that’s exactly what you were working on when you heard what sounded like someone was hitting your office door with a stick.
Without waiting for a reply, House walked in, explaining why it sounded like something was hitting the door. He was probably lucky it was wood.
“Why is Cuddy under the impression that you are leaving?”
“Probably because I am.” You said, looking back at your work.
“And you weren’t planning on telling me?”
“Why would I?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because we work together, so you should tell me things.”
You glanced up at him, your brow raised.
“Why are you leaving?”
“Did Cuddy not tell you?”
“She told me you had ‘other life opportunities’.”
“You say that like you don’t believe it.”
He snorted. “Yeah, that’s because it’s a lie and not a very good one either.”
You tilted your head. “You think it’s a lie?”
“Please, I know it’s a lie. You wouldn’t just quit for some impromptu opportunity, something is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“So you’re leaving me to deal with Foreman, Chase, and Wilson alone over nothing?”
“Sure.” You said, looking back at your laptop.
House walked over to you and slammed your computer shut.
“What are you doing?” You shouted.
He picked up the laptop and hobbled to the other side of the room where he set it down.
“Give it back.” You ordered, getting up, and walking after him. He turned around quickly and blocked you with his cane.
“You’re not quitting.” He said.
“Why do you care?”
“Who said I care? I’m just trying to keep one good doctor in the ring.”
“Well, clearly you talked to Cuddy, so you know the notice is already in, and this is my last week.”
“Redact it.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I’m going to find out anyway.”
Your heart pounded at the idea of him ever finding out, but you simply shook your head.
“You think I won’t?”
You thought about it, before answering “Not any time soon.”
“That sounded like a challenge.”
“It wasn’t.” You stated.
“Let’s make a deal.”
You raised your brow. “A deal.”
“Yes, a deal. If I find out why you’re leaving before the end of the week, you have to stay. If I don’t, then you can leave.”
You thought about it for a moment. “If you can’t figure it out, you don’t get to bother me about it again.”
He paused for a moment. “If I can, you have to do what I say for a day.”
You held back a scoff—it felt like you did that anyway—if he did figure it out, it wouldn’t be any different from the previous times. “Deal.” You said, holding out your hand for him to shake.
He briefly took your hand, and said “deal,” before leaving the room.
As the week went on, House had several theories written on the whiteboard and didn't take any cases—meaning you ended up doing them for him and took Wilson, Foreman, and Chase with you. Sometimes one of them would go in, and report that he was snappy (as usual) and that he insisted you were hiding something.
By your last day, House hadn’t come to you with any accusations, so you weren’t surprised when you heard a similar thwack against wood before your door was opened.
“I figured it out,” House said gruffly, closing the door behind him.
“Did you?”
“You’re trans.”
Your heart raced. “What?”
“Your chest is flat. I thought I was just seeing things, but then I saw a picture of you from last year. Your chest is flat now, you didn’t think anyone would care or notice, because you put in your two weeks' notice, and you thought ‘What the hell, I’m leaving in a few days, no point in wearing a stuffed bra to work every day’.
“Your closet contains mostly feminine clothing—overly feminine, in fact—I’m guessing because your parents never let you wear girly clothes as a child. I noticed your bathroom doesn’t have any hygienic products because you don’t need them, and you don’t use the washrooms here because you’re afraid of someone figuring out you were born a man.”
You looked at him, shocked. You could feel his air of pride, but you could also feel your heartbeat starting to slow.
He thinks you’re a transwoman…not a transman…
“No.”
“What?”
You shook your head. “Nope.”
“I’m not wrong, drop the gig, l/n.”
“I didn’t have menstrual products because I ran out and hadn’t got any left. We barely get breaks long enough to use the washroom. You’ve never seen me in anything except for my work clothes and a dress a few times, so how do you know how I usually dress? As for my chest…”
He looked at you expectantly, despite you shooting daggers.
“No one asked you to look.”
“I’m just being observant.”
You rolled your eyes. You had only recently started binding—and while it felt so much better, you assumed no one noticed. He started reaching for your chest, but you swatted his hand away.
“You only did that because you knew it would prove my point.” He growled.
“You’re wrong, House. I was born female.”
“Well it isn’t a chronic or terminal illness, not mental illness, your family doesn’t require your immediate attention, you have no friends or boyfriends trying to get you to move away with them, you don’t have any stalkers, and no one here has been harassing you.”
“You’re harassing me right now.”
“But you’re not leaving because of me.”
“Right.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What are you hiding?”
You looked up at the clock, it was nearing the end of your shift, anyway, and you were already done with everything.
“You’re not completely wrong.”
“What does that mean? Either I’m wrong or I’m right, and I’ll give you a hint—I am rarely wrong.”
You picked up the box. “Fine. You’re right, I was born a woman, and I hate it.” You said, quickly walking out.
Whatever comment he had for you, you didn’t want to hear it—people like him were exactly why you were leaving. Nevertheless, you heard his footsteps, and cane tapping after you. From the sound of it, you could tell he was struggling to keep up with you in a way that did not elicit pain.
Previously heading towards the elevator, you changed your route towards the stairs, and quickly made your way down. You practically flew down the last flight of stairs, causing you to nearly run into House who was standing in the doorway right at the bottom.
You sighed. “What do you want?”
“You didn’t honestly think it would be that easy, did you?” He asked, limping towards you. You backed up—back onto the stairs. House leaned up against one of the rails with a grunt, taking pressure off his leg.
You rolled your eyes and started walking back out, but he held out his cane to keep you from leaving.
“Why don’t you just let me go?”
“Because that doesn’t sound like a very good reason to leave.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Being transgender. Besides, I was right—so you aren’t allowed to leave.”
“You weren’t right, you thought I was a transwoman.”
He made a face. “I’m sorry, what’s the difference again.” You could tell he wasn’t being genuine, or probably wasn’t, but you answered anyway.
“Hmm. But I did say you were trans, right.”
“Right, but—”
“And you are, yes? Or did I misunderstand?”
“I am, but—”
“Then I was right. Now you have to go back upstairs, put your dinky decorations back on your desk, and be here early tomorrow morning with my coffee.” He said, directing his cane so that you would be forced to back up even more.
Thinking fast, you decided to come up with another compromise.
“No.”
“No? Did we not make a deal?”
“We did, but you were only partially right, therefore you were partially wrong, so we should split the deal.”
“Split the deal?” He scoffed like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard.
“Yes, split the deal. I'm leaving, but I’ll do whatever you say for a night.”
“Any night?”
“Saturday.”
He feigned surprise, “are you asking me on a date?”
“I—” you paused when you realized what he had done.
“I am flattered. I don’t usually date men, but if you insist, I will—it’s not like I’m doing anything better on Saturday night anyway. I’ll pick you up at 8.” He said, walking away.
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girlactionfigure · 5 months
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AFFECT OF HAMAS FOOTAGE ON ME
LEE KERN
NOV 8
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Only woke up from nightmares twice last night. I’m getting better…
Last week I attended a private press screening of footage from the Hamas atrocities. It was 47 minutes of footage recorded by Hamas themselves and captured on CCTV. You can read an account of it here. Attendees weren’t allowed to take phones or recording equipment into the screening. I had a notepad and pen. I sat down in my seat. The entire wall in front of me was a screen.
The film started. The footage was objectively distressing - but I was surprised and impressed with myself that I was immediately okay watching it. I was focused so hard on writing down what I saw that I wasn’t emotionally connecting with the footage. I didn’t have time. I had a job to do. I didn’t gaze too deeply at the HD quality images onscreen as I had to look down at my notepad to scribble notes. I felt like crying a couple of times - when they did something to a baby - or when they did something to a child - but I pushed that down to continue the job - and I was impressively okay. 
I left the screening not really remembering much of what I’d seen. I thought, “Oh wow - I got away with that okay. I can’t even picture anything I saw.”
Later I had a pizza and a walk along the sea front. I made a guy in a shop laugh. 
That night I burst into tears. 
The next day I had to go get a sim card for my phone and I pulled my hat low over my eyes as I burst into uncontrollable sobs while walking the streets. There was sunshine and people sat outside cafes and I was just unable to stop myself sobbing. Deep sobs coming from my chest and my eyes streaming. I sniffled like a child while walking down the street. I couldn’t make it go away. I thought one good cry would get it out my system, but more whimpers and tears just came out of my chest. I was whimpering. And there were images in my mind now. I remembered everything. I saw things Hamas did. Things I don’t have the language or life experience to compute. I was baffled. I don’t understand what I saw. But every part of my body on a cellular level was rejecting it as the most wrong thing that could happen under the sun. It was an accumulaton of every piece of evil since Cane killed Abel. Hamas had mastered the art of sin. And they had conquered morality. They stood in a place where humans were not meant to stand. Where they are no longer human. They were free of all human shackles. They had achieved a power that transcended human frailty but became monstrous in the process. 
Things went like this for the next few days. I’d break into an instantaneous sob. I often didn’t even have an image in my mind when I burst into tears. The screening would be mentioned and something in me happened that bypassed any kind of thought. My head would just bow in tears. I went to stay with some family. They picked me up and within ten seconds of being in the car I burst into tears when asked what I’d been up to. Being in a family home and around normal things was a useful antidote. But I’d still break into debilitating sobs when I recalled what Hamas did or if someone tried to speak to me about it. 
It was also confusing and annoying. I wasn’t depressed! But yet I’d break into tears. I didn’t understand it. I wasn’t depressed but I’d cry like a broken man.
I’d had no sleep since I got to Israel. That obviously didn’t help. I’d visited a kibbutz that had experienced a massacre. That didn’t help. But still I thought I’d be okay. 
The video fucked me up against me will. 
The human brain has built no immunity against the things Hamas filmed. 
It put some kind of splinter in my head. But simply being aware of that and wanting it to be out didn’t mean it would come out. 
I thought I’d improve as days went by but my outbursts seemed to be just as intense. I worried if things continued like this I’d have some kind of mental breakdown. 
I didn’t want to keep seeing what they did to that man.
I was also frustrated because I’d come to Israel to help and I didn’t want to be taken out of the fight with a mental injury. The particular skillset I have means I have to stay immersed in all the ugly shit. I wish I could just pack food for soldiers. If I can communicate well it’s because I’m sensitive and stuff flows into me. I become what I see. People have been demanding my time and I’m trying to help as much as possible but it was getting difficult to be useful to them or myself. In this spirit I didn’t have any macho pride. I’d openly tell people I wasn’t feeling great and didn’t feel shy if I cried in front of them. I didn’t really have a choice. I just wanted to try and find a way to temporarily shovel shit out of my head so I can keep being of service.
The other night I had to move accommodation. I hired an airbnb but then a friend of a friend offered for me to stay at their place whilst they were away. I cancelled the airbnb and I arrived at the accommodation. It was night and I met a neighbour who had the key. We went up the dark stairwell and everything felt off. It was a world of flickering lights and mosquitos. We stood outside the apartment as she searched for the key. There was this terrible noise above us. “What’s that?” “That’s the arabs upstairs drilling.” We went inside and the occupants had left the house a total mess. It all felt grim to me. And the sound of drilling continued upstairs. And the world felt like cockroaches. And I knew once the door shut behind me this would be the most awful night alone. So I plucked up the courage and overcame my politeness and said I can’t stay there. I called a friend and asked them to find me a hotel.
Whilst that was being arranged I waited in the apartment of the woman with the keys and her baby. Toys were everywhere. I was trying to politely respond to her conversation as a cartoon about trains was playing, but I was quietly managing a panic attack as I saw in my mind dead people on her floor amongst her baby’s toys and lying by the fluttering curtains. 
Arranging the hotel was taking time and it was getting late. 
In that time a family friend phoned and I started crying to them. Their daughter then messaged and said I could stay with them so I stayed at hers for the night, cried a few times in conversation, and had my first rocket experience - going into a safe room twice. I got about one hours sleep after trying to kill some mosquitos at four am.
The next afternoon I got a bit better because I tried not to talk about war things with people. I tried to give more territory in my mind to healthy things. I got an hours sleep in the day. I felt better when I transitioned from fear to healthy anger in a video - which was a relief because I was pushing my feelings outwards rather than crumbling inwards. I spoke to a lawyer friend who has worked on cases involving war crimes and has seen things. I got a good night’s sleep and felt good in the morning. I had a few moments of anxiety overcome me during the day. But it feels like they’re becoming less frequent and less powerful. I did cry again after speaking to a pair of siblings whose sister has been kidnapped and who asked me if I’d seen the video. When we hugged goodbye in tears it felt like the first real hug I’ve had since I’ve been here. 
A trauma therapist kindly arranged to see me for free. And time passing seems to be helping. I’m glad I reacted badly because it means I’m a normal healthy human being. A healthy person should be horrified. Only an insane or wicked person could be comfortable with the crimes Hamas committed. 
I don’t know what the language is yet to describe what I saw. I’m not sure what the vocabulary is. They did things that I don’t understand. I don’t understand how they did the things they did. I saw them do things and I don’t understand how they did it. To be able to do what they did is almost a superpower. It’s a superpower I don’t want. To be able to do they things they did and feel nothing but happiness. To be able to inflict that level of cruelty and be utterly indifferent to the people crying.
This is an account of how I’ve been affected. I wasn’t even there. I’m not even a family member of someone taken hostage. I wasn’t on a kibbutz hiding. I haven’t had to bury someone. 
God only knows how the victims will get through this. I can only hope He does know and He doesn’t keep it to Himself. 
We need to help the victims. There has to be an international coalition of love to help them through this. 
As for the terrorists?
I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I believe those Hamas involved in the atrocities have to die. I hope the IDF kill them all. I hope they die in the sun or underground in darkness. I hope they die awake or asleep. I hope they die by bullets or bombs. They cannot be allowed to infect the world with their actions or words. I still don’t understand what I saw in the footage Hamas shot. I can only repeat myself: there is no vocabulary for it. It is almost a superpower to be able to behave the way they did. A superpower I don’t want. To commit such acts of evil - such inventive cruelty - and to have no pangs of empathy or conscience. They look like us and they have hands and legs - but they’re not us. They have eyes but the windows into their souls go into a charnel house where they wash themselves with skulls. We can’t share this world with whatever they are or whatever is inside them. They didn’t open a gate to hell. They are hell. And hell smiled to see its work. They want to devour anything that is not them. Which is any human incapable of doing what they did to women, children and babies for thirty six hours.
They mastered the art of sin and it is something no human should have ever learned to do, because now there are monsters among us. We cannot share the planet with them.
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deezbutz28 · 10 months
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simply the best
fluff!!!
NOT PROOFREAD
your sister invites you and your boyfriend yeonjun to your nieces dance recital.
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today, your five year old niece has her first dance recital. it was your idea in the first place to put her in dance, being a dancer yourself. obviously you weren’t surprised that you invited to her recital… you were surprised that your sister told you to bring your boyfriend, yeonjun. you hadn’t introduced him to your family yet, so naturally you were a bit nervous.
“jun, guess what?!” you said with excitement. he replied with a laugh and asked why you were so excited. “my niece is having her first dance recital, and we are both invited!”
“i would love to go! but, is your family going to be there?” yeonjun questioned.
“yes… i understand if you aren’t ready for tha” you were cutoff by yeonjun pecking your lips. he smiled and laughed at your rambling.
“i am more than ready for that actually, i was going to ask when you would introduce me to them…” yeonjun said with a smirk plastered on his face.
you chuckle and reply to him with a kiss. for the next two hours you decide to tell yeonjun the do’s and don’t s about your family. but you make sure to reassure him that they will love him.
the most important part, was your niece. she was a shy little girl, and definitely needed time to warm up to people. yeonjun was definitely most nervous to meet this little girl. he knew you spoke of her very highly and he wanted to impress you and her.
———————
yeonjun was nervous. like really nervous. he put on a button up (first three left unbuttoned obv) paired with jeans. wanting to look nice but not too dressy.
where you were in a simple blouse and jeans. together, you and yeonjun looked perfect together. your aesthetics complimenting each other.
you walk into the bathroom to see yeonjun fixing his hair for the 20th time in the past ten minutes. “junnie, i promise you look fine. please don’t nervous there is nothing to be scared about. you are an amazing person and partner.” you give him a kiss on the cheek, to ease some of his worry.
“i really just want to leave a good impression, you know? if they hate me i will literally spiral into a depression, i want to prove that i am good for you…” he looks down at you with worried eyes.
you tug him into a hug and kiss him on the shoulder. “i love you, remember that… everything will work out.”
you decide to drive because nervous yeonjun driving sounds a bit scary to you. on the drive to the place, yeonjun looked as if he was going to pass out at any moment. you never thought your confident boyfriend could be so nervous…
you give him a final peck, before you guys get out of the car. you grab his hand and as you start walking you see your family.
you pick up the pace dragging yeonjun behind you. finally you embrace your sister, and then your parents. you clear your throat and introduce you boyfriend.
“so, this is yeonjun… the one i’ve been telling you guys about!” you say giving yeonjun’s hand a squeeze. he extends his hands out to your family quietly saying hi.
“ah, you mean the boy you cannot stop talking about,” he says lightheartedly.
a blush coats both you and yeonjuns cheeks. walking into the auditorium your mom and yeonjun start talking about something, seemingly hitting it off.
your sister bumps your shoulder and winks at you. you and yeonjun sit at the edge of the row with your sister to your right and yeonjun to you left.
the lights dimmed, and the music began. the curtains opened, revealing a stage filled with young dancers. your niece stood out in her pink tutu and ballet slippers, her hair pulled back in a tight bun.
you could see yeonjun smiling at the little girl’s movements. he went to whisper in your ear, “she is adorable!”
you chuckle as he takes your hand in his. as the performance progressed, you could feel your heart racing. you was so proud of your niece for having the courage to perform in front of so many people. when the final act came to an end, the audience erupted into applause. your niece looked out at the crowd, her eyes shining with joy.
all of you went out of the auditorium to greet her. she ran to you and you picked her up. “you did so good!! i’m so proud of you hun!” she laughs and gives you a kiss on the cheek. she realizes the boy beside you.
“yn, who is that?” she asks in a soft voice. you laugh and introduce her to yeonjun. he smiles and shakes her hand (a/n: IM DYING). suddenly that shy little girl was gone and she reached out to yeonjun asking him to carry her.
your family sees this and immediately goes “aww”. them also shocked because of the girls normal behavior. your sister makes you, yeonjun, and your niece pose for a picture. your niece still in his arms.
after a while, you guys decide to part ways. and your niece decides to kiss yeonjun on the cheek before leaving and not even bothering acknowledging you. all you do is laugh at this little girl’s antics.
finally you tell yeonjun “i think someone has a little crush on you…”
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itdreamie · 2 years
Text
Holy Mary
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pairings: jeno x reader
genre: romance, summer romance, churchboy!jeno (kind of), pining, fluff, angst
tw: sexual content, mentions of depression, religious trauma
word count: 13.5k
synopsis: you spend every summer at your grandparents lake side home in France. Most of the time you spend in the lake, painting or reading. The village is slow and life feels very relaxed. When a new priest turns up at the local church, your grandmother manages to convince you to attend a service which ends in you becoming infatuated with one of the priests sons, Lee Jeno. Jeno is a reserved man, he likes calm and quiet. His past trauma has effected his ability to maintain friendships and relationships. But when he meets you, he feels at home.
authors notes: this was inspired by Mary on a cross by Ghost! i also like to project my daddy issues and religious trauma onto people so enjoy! also! the south of france *chefs kiss* beautiful place, i want to go back so badly! and i recently learnt that catholic priests can remain married if they’re married before becoming ordained so that’s cool ig, it kinda inspired this story a little bit. ALSO! i would just like to clarify that this is just a story and i don’t share any of the opinions of the characters in the story. nor do i think jeno has any of these opinions. ITS JUST A STORY <3 also i can’t write smut to save my life but here u go
THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
Most of your summers were spent by the lakes, at your grandparents lake house in France. The effervescent water sparkled under the sun, little ripples forming when the wind gently blew. The lakes had always fascinated you. You weren’t sure if it was the calmness being near water brought you or the memories of splashing around in them when you were a child, but you always felt very close to them.
You spent most of your summers painting too, mostly by the lake. Your grandmother tried to encourage you to sell your paintings, claiming that they ‘conveyed so much passion and emotion.’ You didn’t agree, you just wanted to paint. Today was no different, you sat by the lake and sketched out the lay of the land, preparing for your next painting. You watched your brothers splash around in the water with some other boys from the village. You could see the pure joy in their faces and made a mental note to try and capture that in your painting.
It wasn’t long before the midday sun became unbearable. You could feel it scorching your skin despite the thick layers of SPF your grandmother had lathered you and your siblings in. You decided it was probably best for you to go in for a while and get out of the sun. Your brothers were probably hungry too, with it being midday. You shouted over to them, both their heads turning as you beckoned them over and told them it was time to go in for some lunch. You began to collect all your belongings and head up to the house.
“There’s a new priest starting at the church this Sunday. I’d like it if you came this week, it would make a good first impression.” Your grandmother spoke up as you helped her set the table. You glanced over at the lake as you placed another fork down. “Really?” You mumbled, not really listening. “Yes, it would be good for you to get back in touch with your religion. Your mother tells me you don’t attend church back at home either.” Your grandparents were very religious, and they expected the same from their grandchildren. The reference to home made you feel sad for a moment. Although you loved coming to the lakes to see your grandparents, you missed your home. Your grandparents had moved to the south of France from Denmark when you were very young. You missed them dearly but they wanted a change and to have a much more relaxed and laid back life. Southern France did make for good vacations however.
“Oliver and Kaspar have been attending. They’ve been enjoying it, there’s lots of other young people there too. It’s be a good chance to make some friends for the summer.” Your grandfather had made an appearance at the table, your brothers following behind him. “I’ll think about it.” You said as you headed back inside to get the rest of the food. You could imagine your grandparents both shaking their heads. Religion had always been a touchy subject for you. You’d grown up being taught Catholicism and attended church every week with your parents back in Denmark. When you reached your teenage years, things began to change. You had many questions about religion and why things were so rigid. It made you uncomfortable. You stopped attending a short while after your thirteenth birthday.
There were some things that never changed however. You still wore your crucifix around your neck, it was a gift from your father at your first Holy communion. You found you could never take it off even if you wanted to. It felt as if it was welded into your skin and you felt bare without it. It was probably because it was from your father that you didn’t want to take it off. Your father had suffered with debilitating depression since you were ten after the loss of his brother. It had become hard for your mother to take care of you and your brothers. It was then that the yearly tradition of vacationing in France began. You and your brothers were shipped off to your grandparents every summer for 3 months so your mother could have a break from it all. You never really minded, you enjoyed being by the lakes.
Your grandparents house looked over the largest lake in the village. It was surrounded with beautiful native pine trees and small villas that blended in with the scenery seamlessly. After your meal you helped your siblings clear up and wash the dishes, still watching over the lake as you did so. You wanted to go back out there and continue your painting but the blazing sun said otherwise. You decided to take a nap instead and enjoy your break.
You found yourself attending church that Sunday. Your grandparents had finally worn you down, insisting that it would make you feel better and you’d make some friends. That it would even help you with your art work. You were exhausted of their constant nagging so in the end you just gave in. You were curious too, as to who this new priest was and why he was so special. Your grandmother had been talking about him non stop all week. How he’d come over from South Korea and he could apparently speak seven languages, including French of course.
When you arrived at the church that morning the sun had already began to beat down on you. You could feel the sweat dripping from your hair and down your neck. It didn’t help that you were already desperately uncomfortable walking into a place that made you feel like an outsider. Like you were a freak for thinking differently to everyone else inside, even though their rules were so rigid and based on a book written so long ago. However you were now sat on a pew, sandwiched between your older brother Kaspar and your grandmother. You couldn’t see much from where you were sitting, other than a large statue of the Virgin Mary that almost touched the ceiling at the front of the church. You couldn’t help think she looked sad. You wondered how long she’d stood there at the bow of the church. How many services she’d sat through and what she thought of them. Your attention was snatched from her when your grandmother touched your leg and indicated that the new priest had started his service.
The priest was tall, handsome and well spoken. He spoke mostly in French which you struggled to understand but sometimes switched to English. The service felt as if it went on forever. You were so hot and sweaty as the end neared, you couldn’t wait to get out and breath some fresh air. Many people got up to go and meet the new priest at the end of the service, your grandparents were included in that group. They waited in line for their turn to meet this, person. That’s all he was. You wondered why they were so excited. Your grandparents dragged you up too, along with your brothers and as you neared the front you noticed two equally as tall and handsome men stood next to him. They were younger, and you thought they may be his sons. You could feel yourself getting hotter and hotter as you moved closer. The one you deemed to be the youngest had the coldest and most attractive face you’d ever seen. Your face flushed red as you got closer.
“Thank you so much for coming.” The priest spoke as you got to the front. He shook your grandparents and brothers hands before getting to you. You were still so dazed by his son that you didn’t realise the priests hand stretched out to shake yours. Your grandmother nudged you and you quickly shook his hand. “These are my sons, Donghae,” he pointed to the oldest one, “and Jeno.” You could feel your throat close up as Jeno looked you up and down. A small smirk adorning his lips. Your grandfather finished the conversation and you were on your way again. Jeno’s face had become engrained in your mind. He was all you could think about on the drive back to the house and all you could think about when you went to bed that night.
When the following Sunday rolled around, you were the first one out of bed and ready to go. Your grandmother was surprised but extremely happy, thinking that you’d reconnected with your faith. But in reality you just wanted to see Jeno again. To look at his breathtaking face. You sat closer to the front on this day, making sure you could get a glimpse of the intimidating get enticing boy. You could feel yourself turning red when he turned around. You could feel his cold eyes burning deep into your soul. Maybe this was religion, you thought. Maybe he was God.
When the service ended, Jeno was the first one standing up, ready to leave. You quickly stood up too, racing out the pews to try and talk to him. Maybe to ask if he needs any help adjusting to the village. You did only live ten minutes from the church and you were always around if he needed anything. Your heart was crushed however when several other young girls surrounded him, trying to get his attention. Disheartened, you followed your family out of the church. Kaspar, your older brother had immediately realised what you wanted to do when you stood up. He knew last week from the way you looked at Jeno that you were interested in him. On your way out of the church he nudged you, “You like him, hey?” He teased, “What? No, he’s probably really conservative. He’s a priests son.” You nudged him back. You had experience with boys back home, you’d even briefly had a boyfriend. You never shied away from male attention, in fact, you welcomed it. You did well with the boys back in your home town and got bored here in France where there was barely any boys your age, and if there were, none of them interested you. This is probably why Jeno excited you so much. He was the first attractive boy you’d seen here in France.
“Really? Your face turned into a tomato as soon as he looked at you, tomat ansigt.” You shuddered at the nickname. Your mother had given it to you as a child when your face would turn as red as a tomato whenever you were embarrassed. “Don’t call me that mærkelig dreng.” You hit his shoulder earning a harsh glance from your grandmother as you got back into the car.
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“I need some things from the market. Could you take Oliver down there and get everything on this list please?” Your grandmother asked you as she wondered into the living room where you sat on the old worn out leather couch, reading your book. She handed you the list as you reached your arm out. “Why do we need all this stuff?” You we’re inquisitive as to why there were so many items on the list, and good stuff too, like cake and ice cream. “Father Lee, the priest is coming tonight for dinner. Monsieur Clement and his wife and daughters and coming too. Make sure you get everything on the list please.” She widened her eyes as she emphasised. You called for Oliver and headed out to the market.
“I hate Monsieur Clement, he just talks about himself all the time.” Oliver whined as you headed into the grocery shop to finish your shopping. “I know Oli. Mormor said that his daughters are coming too. Maybe they’ll be your age.” He shrugged at your comment and picked up the next thing on your list. You doubted that though, Monsieur Clement was a retired business man in his early sixties. He had a substantial amount of money from what you could tell and he’d been living next to your grandparents for the past three years. You’d never met his daughters but part of you doubted that they’d be Oliver’s age. Probably more like yourself and Kaspar’s age, in their early twenties.
Your parents had had yourself and Kaspar when they were young and Oliver was a surprise slightly later in life. You and Kaspar had been so excited to have a little brother and you both absolutely adore him and constantly dote over him. Especially now with your dad practically out of the picture and your mother focused on caring for him and working too, you and Kaspar tried your hardest to make Oliver’s childhood a good one. Oliver was now eleven, you twenty and Kaspar twenty three but things hadn’t changed much from when you were young. You were a very close knit trio.
Your mind wondered back to the list and to the dinner, you were too focused on the fact that Monsieur Clement was attending to remember the fact that Father Lee, Jeno’s father may was attending too. You wondered if Jeno and his brother would be coming. You hoped they were. Maybe you’d finally get to talk to him. You and Oliver had finished up your shopping and began your walk home. It was sweltering outside. You’d gotten used to the cold air in the grocery shop and stepping outside felt like stepping into a furnace. Your eyes stopped on 2 figures outside the local Café. You recognised them to be Jeno and his brother. You watched them for a second. Jeno had a cigarette in one hand and his coffee in the other. Maybe he’s not so conservative if he smokes, you thought. Or maybe not, you don’t know him. You’re snapped out of your thoughts when Oliver shouts your name. He’s already half way down the street, waiting for you. Jeno and Donghae look up to see what the shouting is about and notice you. It’s quite obvious that you were looking at them from your position and stance. You flush red when you see that Jeno is staring at you, his face still cold and stern. You spin on your feet in embarrassment and quickly follow Oliver back home.
“Are Father Lee’s sons coming tonight?” Kaspar asks your grandmother whilst helping her with the cooking. You’re sitting on a chair in the kitchen, peeling some vegetables. You look up to see Kaspar smirking at you. “You hope so, don’t you.” He carries on, pointing at you. You roll your eyes when your grandmother looks at you and shakes her head. Your grandmother doesn’t answer but you realise they probably are when there are quite a few places set at the table.
When your guests finally arrive you notice the absence of the one person you really wanted to see. Kaspar notices your dissatisfaction and pats you on the back. “Don’t worry, Father Lee said he’d be here soon. He’s just finishing up something at home.” You breathed a sigh of relief but were annoyed at your brother for noticing and reading your facial expressions so easily. Monsieur Clement’s daughters were like goddesses. They were a similar age to Kaspar and yourself much to Oliver’s dismay. Kaspar wasn’t wasting time introducing himself however. You rolled your eyes at him and poked him in the side every time he faked a laugh at something one of the daughters said or when he over exaggerated something that happened to him as a child for effect.
You were still waiting for Jeno when you’d finished eating. Your grandmother was about to bring out dessert and you were helping her tidy the table. Whilst in the kitchen you heard a commotion outside and realised Jeno had turned up. His father seemed very pleased to see him, maybe thinking he wouldn’t turn up at all. You rushed into the bathroom and tidied up your appearance, brushing your hair off of your face and smoothing out your dress before stepping outside to greet Jeno. Monsieur Clement’s daughters had wasted no time in introducing themselves, clearly flirting with him. Jeno was very gracious in the way he spoke to them, soaking up their stupid comments. You took a seat next to Kaspar when your grandmother bought the dessert out. You stayed pretty quiet whilst the others chatted amongst themselves. “Jeno I realised I never introduced my grandchildren to you. This is Kaspar, my eldest grandson. My only and very beautiful granddaughter, and my youngest grandson.” Your grandmother pointed you all out as she spoke. Jeno looked at you up and down like he did in the church. It made your heart flutter. “What do you all do?” Father Lee asked. “I’ve just finished up university back in Denmark, I studied architecture.” Kaspar spoke, Father Lee nodded his head impressed. “What about you two?” You stayed silent for a second hoping Oliver would speak, Jeno didn’t take his eyes off you for a second making you feel desperately awkward. But Oliver didn’t speak, probably not knowing what to say in front of all these people. “I’m studying fine art at university. In my second year.” You managed to squeeze out. “Wow, are you enjoying it? I’d love to see some of your work.” Father Lee sounded surprised. “I’ve been painting lots over the summer, I have a few paintings inside.” You managed to string a proper sentence together as if you weren’t melting under the stare of the priests youngest son. “She’s really very good Father. I too have an interest in paintings,” Monsieur Clement started as if he has any idea about your painting ability but you realised it was just an opportunity for him to speak about himself. You were glad though.
The sun began to set and everyone was getting ready to leave. You watched as Jeno helped clear the table and your grandmother insisted he sit down and she was absolutely fine. You leaned over the railings of the balcony that looked over the lake. You didn’t realise Jeno approaching you. “It’s really very beautiful here. I didn’t realise it would be when my father told me about it.” You felt your soul leave your body. He was talking to you. You needed to say something. “It is. I love it here.” You just about managed to say. “I’d love to see some of your paintings if you’d let me. I’d assume this is a great place to get inspiration.” You tucked your hair behind your ear. He actually wanted to see your paintings. God, help. “There’s a couple upstairs, I’ll bring them down if you want. They’re not very good, they were only quick ones.” You nervously spoke. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
He followed you into the house, waiting in the living room, not wanting to follow you into your room. “They’re just of the lakes.” You bought down two. Those two were your grandmothers favourites. “These are really amazing. You’re so talented. I could only dream of being able to paint like this. Have you ever considered selling your work?” He sounded to passionate as he spoke, he was genuinely impressed with your skills. “My grandma keeps telling me too but I’m not sure.” You sit next to him as he holds one of the paintings, still looking at it in depth. “You should. You’re really good.” He places it down on the coffee table as his father peeks his head around the door. “Time to go Jen.” Jeno stands up and follows his father, not before stopping and turning around to look at you again. “It was really nice meeting you. I’ll see you around?” He asks, “Yeah of course. It’s a small village.” You giggle awkwardly. He gives you a small wave before disappearing with his dad.
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It was a while before you saw Jeno again. He hadn’t attended his fathers services for the past couple of weeks and you couldn’t help but wonder where he’d gone. You’d even bumped into Donghae whilst at the Saturday market in the village. “Is Jeno okay? I haven’t seen him around much.” You couldn’t help but ask. His brother gave a small smile before replying, “He’s okay. Just doesn’t cope well in the heat. I’ll tell him you asked after him.” You felt like it wasn’t true but didn’t probe this man you didn’t really know for any more answers.
It was another scorching afternoon by the lake when you saw Jeno again. He was swimming in the lake with his brother, talking to your brothers as they swam too. When he noticed you he put up a hand and waved, you smiled back and waved too. After a while, Jeno came out of the lake and headed towards you, grabbing a towel from where he and his brother had left their belongings. “It’s beautiful.” He said when he reached you, gesturing to your painting. “Thanks, I’m nowhere near finished though.” You continued on and he took a seat on a rock next to you. You tried your best to concentrate on your work but the way the water droplets slid down his muscular shoulders had you extremely distracted. “What do you like about it here?” He suddenly asked, surprising you. “What isn’t there to like? It’s beautiful and quiet.” You found yourself looking directly at him now, watching the way his muscles flexed as he turned around to face you. “You don’t find it boring at all?” He squints his eyes in the sun. You shrug, “Not really. It’s quite different to home so it’s nice to escape.” You thought back to your home in Copenhagen. The busyness sort of made you cringe. You loved home but it was nice to get away from the bustling streets, especially in summer.
“What’s home like? I’ve never been to Denmark.” You wondered why he was talking to you, not that you weren’t grateful, this God like being was actually paying you attention so there wasn’t much to complain about. “I love Copenhagen. But it sometimes feels depressing,” You thought about your dad, “It’s really very beautiful though. You should visit sometime.” He nodded. “What about you? I’ve never been to South Korea either.” His eyes lit up when you mentioned his home country. “I desperately miss it. I like busy. I like loud and bright. For me, it feels like an escape. I can be myself there. Being stuck with my dad and brother and not knowing anyone, or the language. It’s hard.” He looked down, playing with a stone at his feet. “I get that. My french isn’t great.” He smiled up at you after you said that and then you both fell silent for a while. He watched as his brother and your brothers played in the water. Something about the water made everyone turn into a child again. That was one of the things you loved about it. You took this opportunity to get a better look at his body. He must work out, you thought. His body looked as if it was calved by angels. So sharp, yet soft. His beautiful tan skin still bestrewn with little water droplets glistening in the sun.
“Are you going in today?” He asked, gesturing to the lake. “I might do later. I want to get this painting finished soon.” You went back to your painting, pretending that that was what you were doing the whole time. “Come in now. It’ll be fun.” He stood up and began walking back into the lake, before turning round again. You assumed he was waiting for you. Not much could get you to stop getting in the lake on a normal day. Especially if there was a very beautiful man trying to get you to go in. When you got up you noticed the way Jeno checked you out. His eyes shuffling up and down your body, his tongue poking out the side of his lips. You followed him into the lake and you both swam towards your brothers.
“Hun er med!” Kaspar cheered. “Jeg er kold, jeg vil snart ud.” Oliver whined as he swam over to you, holding onto your shoulders. “Why are you speaking Danish?” It was unusual for your you and your siblings to speak in Danish when you where in France. You weren’t sure why, it had just always been that way. “Donghae wants to learn some Danish so we’re only speaking in Danish now.” Oliver swam past you, “og hvordan kan du være kold? Det er så varmt.” Oliver shrugged before splashing you with the water, you squealed, not ready for the water to touch your neck yet. Jeno hadn’t thought Danish could sound so beautiful until it came out of your mouth. He smiled at you as Oliver continued to splash the water at you, you splashed him back and before you knew it your grandmother was calling you from the house for dinner.
“Are you boys staying for dinner? We’d love to have you.” Your grandfather asked as you all walked onto the deck, soaking wet. “We wouldn’t want to impose.” Donghae spoke, he was very well spoken, like his father. “Nonsense! Stay!” Your grandmother said as she bought a serving dish of food out. “Thank you very much. This is too kind.” Jeno said as he took a seat, next to you. You smiled at him as you grabbed him a plate. “Don’t be silly. It’s nice to have you here for dinner again.” You said. He gave you a very warm smile back, before thanking you for the plate.
You enjoyed dinner. It was nice to get to talk to Jeno more. You learnt that Jeno was very popular at school, and he played soccer. You could guess that he was popular. He probably had girls dropping to their knees for him on a daily basis. Jeno now studied law at a prestigious university in Seoul and was very hard working, according to his brother. You could tell Donghae was extremely proud of Jeno. It was heartwarming. You also learnt that Jeno had three cats at home and that he missed them very much. You mention to him that there’s many strays here in France and that if he left food for them, they’d probably never leave him alone. He liked the idea of that. Despite being allergic to cats, which made everyone at the table laugh.
When dinner was done, both Jeno and Donghae stayed to help tidy up. Your grandmother was very impressed with their manners and said she would make sure to tell their father how respectful they were. You could see Jeno’s face scrunch up at the mention of his father. You wondered what it was about him that made Jeno do that. After cleaning up, Jeno and Donghae left and walked home to the cottage attached to the church. Not before thanking your grandparents profusely for the meal and for welcoming them into their home again. You really liked how polite they were to your grandparents. It made you a hundred times more attracted to Jeno.
Jeno had invited you to the lake this time. You couldn’t help but feel sick with excitement that he wanted to go swimming with you. He’d knocked on the door that evening desperate to see you. For some reason he couldn’t get you out of his head and he just wanted to be near you. You made him feel something he hadn’t felt before. Especially since arriving in France. “Nice bikini.” He said as you walked down to the lake together, your hands brushing past his every so often, making electricity spark through your nervous system. “Thanks.” You smiled up at him. He was referring to your old mismatched bikini you had pulled out of your bottom draw as quickly as you could when he came round. Your other much nicer ones were in the wash. You piled your towels on the shore and both walked in to the lake together. “This is nice.” You mumbled as you got deep enough to swim. The sun was setting over the two of you, making him look even more ethereal. He thought the same about you too. Your pretty little face lit up when he mentioned the cats again. He’d tried to feed them but none of them let him stroke them. “It’s okay there’s loads of friendly ones that come to my house in the evening. We’ll probably see them when we go back. Mormor likes to make sure they’ve had a good dinner.”
After he asked what a Mormor was you explained some more Danish words to him. He just liked to hear you talk, especially in your mother tongue. You asked him to teach you some Korean. He immediately taught you the swear words of course, making you gently slap his shoulder after he got you to say them without knowing what they meant. He liked the way your hands felt on his skin. They were so soft and kind. The sun had finally set over the two of you, bringing darkness. The lake at night was probably your favourite. You didn’t ever really get the opportunity to go in it at night as your brothers were usually too tired or playing games. Jeno loved the way your face caught the light from the moon. He thought you were more beautiful than ever. He really wanted to kiss you right now.
“Do you like going to church?” You suddenly ask him, making him snap out of his daze. “No, not really. I feel I’m obliged to because of my dad though.” You nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Me neither. My family are pretty religious. I never used to go but I was forced to when there was a new priest,” you referenced his dad, making his face scrunch up again, “But I wanted to go after I saw you there. Your face made it more bearable.” You giggled, his face lit up. “Really?” He moved closer towards you and you placed a hand at the back of his neck. “Yeah, you’re not bad looking you know.” You said softly, placing your other arm behind his neck and finally securing both your arms around him. He felt like he was in heaven. As did you.
“I’m surprised to see you wear a cross then.” He looked down at your necklace. “My dad gave it to me. It feels weird to take it off.” You said, sadness laced through your voice. He didn’t ask about your dad, it was probably a sore subject, he decided. “I wouldn’t even call myself religious at all. I never understood it, never liked it.” Jeno suddenly said, boldly. “Me too! It feels wrong to me.” Jeno nodded at your comment. He felt close to you at that moment. He’d never been able to share his thoughts on his so called religion with anyone else. He was scared they would judge him. He was glad he could confide in you. After all, you were pretty much his only friend in this quiet little village. “What do you think made you feel like that? For me, it was when my church back home in Denmark was preaching about how being gay was wrong, and how you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. It doesn’t make sense. It’s so wrong.” Your arms were still wrapped around Jeno’s neck securely. He’d never felt so safe with anyone else to talk about this sort of thing before so he used it as an opportunity to get some things off his chest.
“The church my dad used to run, back in Korea. It was filled with people who believe those things. And to hear my dad talk about them too. It made me feel ill. I have friends back home that were, in my dads words, sinners. He didn’t like me hanging out with them because they believed differently to him. I’m an adult I should be able to do what I want, see whoever I want. But he didn’t see it like that. That’s why we’re here. He wanted my brother an I to get away from the sins in our home town and start fresh. He was hoping we’d suddenly turn to Christ and be born again.” Jeno looked down at the thin strip of water between the two of you. “I’ll never forgive him for taking me away from everything I know. This place, it’s beautiful don’t get me wrong. But it’s not for me. It’s too slow.” You pulled yourself closer to him, your lips close, to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry. That sounds really shitty. I promise it’s not that bad here. We’ll go into the market if you want. Try and do some less boring things.” You proposed, “It’s not boring here with you.” He said, looking back into your eyes. The distance between your lips was minute. He wanted to badly to kiss you then and there as did you. “We could do this everyday if you wanted.” You whispered, “I’d like that.” And with that he pressed his lips to yours.
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“What’s going on with you and Jeno? You were awfully pleased with yourself last night.” Kaspar asks as he walks into your room, disturbing your peace. “We’re just friends. It’s nice to hang out with someone other than your brothers you know.” You throw your book at him and stand up. You wondered what Jeno was doing right now. “Touché.” Kaspar said as he walked out. “Oh and Jeno is here by the way, thought I should let you know.” He poked his head round the door and grinned. You quickly ran downstairs behind him. “Hey! What are you doing here?” You asked intuitively. “Just thought I’d take you up on that offer of going to the market.” He shrugged. “Of course! Let me grab my bag.” You rushed back upstairs to grab your bag, fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and headed back down.
“So how have you been?” He asks shyly. “You don’t have to be awkward with me just because we kissed.” You roll your eyes playfully at him before pushing him out the door. “Noted.” He grabbed your hand as you walked into the village. You looked down at your hands every so often as you passed different cottages and villas, fields full of lavender and smiled as Jeno squeezed your hands tighter. Even though you’d only known each other a few weeks, only spoken to each other a handful of times, it all felt right. “Hey can we go in here?” Jeno snapped you out of your thoughts and pointed towards a vintage store that seemed in the middle of nowhere, only surrounded by a few houses. “Sure, why not?”
The store was vintage alright. It definitely hadn’t been updated since the fifties. Everything was coated in a thick layer of dust. Your eyes were drawn to the back section of the store, it had various different sunglasses and hats. You tried on a pair of sunglasses and turned to Jeno, “What do you think? Sexy?” They were large, pink heart shaped glasses that made you look ridiculous. “Oh definitely.” Jeno smirked, “you want them?” He asked, stepping towards you and pushing them down your nose slightly. You slowly leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “Of course, they make me look super sexy!” Jeno smiled and placed another kiss on your cheek, making you blush a deep shade of red of course.
You and Jeno tried on more wacky sunglasses before you noticed the shop keeper beginning to become annoyed with you both. “I think we should probably go.” Jeno gritted his teeth awkwardly as you headed towards the front of the shop. You placed the heart shaped sunglasses on the front desk and began to look through your back for your purse, but before you could, Jeno whipped out his wallet and placed a bill on the counter. “Don’t be silly, let me pay.” You tried to give the bill back to him as the shop owner rolled her eyes. “No. Let me get them.” The lady took the bill and you two headed out the store, with your sunglasses on.
You walked past the church on your way to the market. You could feel Jeno stiffen up at the sight of it. You gave his hand a squeeze and smiled up at him. “There’s another vintage store in town. Actually there’s only 3 stores, ones a vintage store and the other two are grocery stores.” You grinned up at him, knowing he probably would find it boring. He didn’t though, he just loved being with you.
After your wild shopping experience, you and Jeno found yourself sitting outside the village café, the one you had seen Jeno and his brother sitting at a few weeks prior. “I’ve had a really great time with you. Thanks for showing me the village.” Jeno reached over the table to grab your hands. “I know it’s probably been boring for you but I did try.” He held your hands slightly tighter, “I had a lovely time. I like spending time with you. And I like kissing you.” Your face broke out into a grin at the last sentence. “I like kissing you too.” You leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his lips. You did really like kissing him.
That evening Jeno had stayed for dinner again. You got the sense that he didn’t really have family dinners so it probably felt comforting to have them. You could relate to that. Your ‘family dinners’ at home were usually you sitting in your room working on a painting whilst picking at some cheese and crackers. They weren’t exactly dinners at all. Your mother didn’t really cook, she was always quite busy with work. And your dad, well, he had barely left the house in ten years and couldn’t really move from his bed or the couch so dinner wasn’t really a thing. Let alone a family dinner. That was probably part of the reason you loved being with your grandparents so much. They loved taking care of you all and making extravagant meals, making sure you had everything you needed. Your grandfather would always drive into the nearest town with you to get more painting supplies if you needed them and your grandmother would sew up a hole on your clothes if you needed. It felt very homely and comfortable.
“What were you two up to today then?” Your grandfather asked you and Jeno. “We walked into the village and went into some vintage shop. I got these sunglasses.” You flicked the sunglasses from your head to your nose. “I was wondering about those.” He chuckled and went back to his meal. “Kaspar took me to the lake on the other side of the village today and there was some other boys there and we jumped off the jetty into the lake a thousand times. It was really fun.” Oliver smiled as you leaned over to pinch his cheek. “I’m glad you had fun Oli.” He hummed a yes and put another mouthful of salad into his mouth.
“Jeno I’ve been meaning to ask, I’ve been wanting to set up a baking group for the other elderly people in the village and was wondering if we could use the church hall to host it.” Your grandmother asked as she placed her final dish on the table and sat down. Jeno shifted in his seat, “Uh yeah, you’d have to ask him but I’m sure it would be okay.” You placed a hand over his under the table and gave it a squeeze before you changed the subject. “Mormor this salad is amazing. Did you grow these tomatoes?”
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Your room was quite simple but your grandparents had allowed you to decorate it however you wanted. You had some fairy lights wrapped around the bedroom and your grandfather had helped you put up some of your favourite art work on your walls. Jeno liked your room, it felt very much like you. It was the first time he’d been in it. He noticed a shelf full of books and a floral piggy bank with a note on top, ‘For London’ it said. He smiled and sat down on your bed next to you. “So what did you want to do?” Jeno could barely finish his sentence before you grabbed his face and kissed him. He leaned into the kiss and bought his hands to your waist. You pulled away for a second before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down on the bed to lay beside you. He nuzzled his head into your neck and placed a few soft kisses on it. “You’re pretty.” He finally broke the silence after you’d both laid there for a while. It was dark outside and you’d spent the whole day in the lake again. Jeno was starting to see why you loved the lake so much. “You’re pretty too.” You smiled down at him and placed a kiss on his head.
“If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” You randomly asked, “Where did that come from?” He asked, stroking your leg. “But since you asked, I’d go to this small little village in the south of France, and I’d be laying in bed with a very pretty girl whilst she asks me random questions.” You grinned at his answer, “You wouldn’t go home?” You asked, unsure of what his answer would be. He knew you were referencing his home in Seoul when you asked this. “Hm, I do miss my home but right now I’m enjoying laying with you.” You ran your fingers down his back sending shivers down his spine. He loved the feeling he got when you touched him.
“Do you believe in God?” You shot another random question at him. He didn’t know how to answer this one because he genuinely didn’t know the answer. “I don’t know, do you?” He asked. You pondered for a while before saying, “I think so. It’s probably because I’m scared to believe otherwise. I would like to believe that there’s a heaven and that there’s someone there looking out for you. Even if His previous decisions were questionable.” He hummed in agreement. “When did your dad become a priest?” He shuffled to get more comfortable, “Not very long ago, maybe ten years? He divorced my mother to become one. It was a strange time. It’s not usual to hear of priests with children. I was worried what would happen when we came here because our old church had gotten used to it.” You had wondered why your village’s new Catholic priest had two sons at the time but never really questioned it. You wondered if anyone else had too, they probably had knowing the people in this village.
“I’m sorry that happened.” You whispered whilst placing another kiss on his head. “I think that’s why I’m so adverse to religion. My father denounced everything, his wife and almost his two children for a job. He’s moved us over to a country we no barely anything about for a job. You don’t even have to divorce if you’re already married to become a priest. I think he just went crazy.” Jeno shrugged whilst you stroked his hair to comfort him. “I know it seems strange that Donghae and I are both adults but we can’t make our own decision about where we live. But he’s controlling, it didn’t feel like we had a choice.” Jeno huffed and nuzzled deeper into your neck. “I understand. Thank you for sharing that with me. I know stuff like that is hard to talk about.” Jeno placed another kiss on your neck before you started speaking again. “I think I’m the opposite. I have so much freedom that it’s scary. My mother is a workaholic. Well I guess she has to be to keep a roof over our heads. It seems mean to say this but I don’t think she really cares where we are or what we’re doing as long as we’re not causing problems for her. My dad barely leaves the house. He fell into a deep depression after his brother passed away when I was eight or nine. It’s like he’s dead too. He’s alive but he’s dead.” You felt a pang of sadness hit your chest. You didn’t talk about your dad much because it hurt too much. You had a great relationship with him until your uncle had died and after that you completely lost him. You suddenly felt guilty that you’d offloaded your problems onto Jeno after he’d just poured his heart out to you. “Is that why you like it here so much? It feels more like home?” He sits up and asks you. “Yeah, I think so.” You whisper. Jeno presses a kiss to your forehead, then one on your nose and then finally one on your lips. “We’ll go to the lake tomorrow to swim after church, hey?” He placed a hand on your cheek, “Yeah I’d like that.”
You awoke in the morning with Jeno softly snoring with his head on your chest. Oh Lord. You must have both fallen asleep after talking. “Jeno, wake up.” You ran your fingers through his hair, not wanting to wake him up abruptly but also enough to actually wake him up because you were sure your grandparents wouldn’t be happy about a boy sleeping in your room. Not that you’d meant it. But even so, they wouldn’t be happy. He mumbled something incoherent as he shuffled on top of you. “Jen, we need to get up.” He sleepily lifted his head and when he noticed where he was his eyes opened wide. “Oh shit, sorry. We must have been tired last night.” He lifted himself off of you and sat on the edge of the bed whilst you started to get up and move around. He watched as you picked up some clothes off the floor and placed them in your washing basket. It was daytime now so things were much more visible. Your room was messy, skincare stuff and makeup was scattered all over your desk, clothes on the floor and your painting stuff just chucked in the corner. “Don’t worry my room is horrific. This is clean.” You rolled your eyes at him and threw one of your t-shirts at him. “I’d this for me? It looks a bit small?” He smiled and you rolled your eyes again throwing another item of clothing at him.
It wasn’t long before you arrived at the church with your family and Jeno. Jeno’s father immediately pulled him aside, he didn’t look happy. You wondered what they were talking about. You could see Father Lee gesturing for Jeno to sit next to his brother. Jeno gave you a smile of sympathy before sitting next to his brother. You sat in the middle with your grandparents and brother. You looked up at Mary whilst Father Lee started his service. You wondered if she cared about what was going on below her. She’d probably heard it all a million times. You sort of admired her despite your aversion to church and to religion. She had stood at the top of the church all this time, silently watching for all these years. Your eyes wondered around to the various paintings on the ceiling. How long did it take to paint those? And how high did the ladder have to be to reach the top? And how did the people painting them know what Jesus looked like? They had no reference. You couldn’t deny the churches beauty. Lots of people had obviously worked very hard to create this place hundreds of years ago. You decided to watch the back of Jeno’s head for a while. It was lowered for most of the time. He only looked up when his father spoke a word he understood, or when his brother spoke to him. It made you feel sad.
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Jeno had been invited around for dinner for the umpteenth time that week by your grandparents. They could see how happy he was making you and could probably see that Jeno needed some company too. It was late when Jeno suggested you both walk into the village. Your grandparents made sure to tell him to take good care of you as it was dark and he assured them he would never let anything bad happen to you. That made you smile. You loosely held hands as you walked. You could see some horses had been put into a pasture along the road and you headed towards them, stroking their noble heads and giggling when they tried to nibble at your jumper. You passed the church a few minutes later and you were surprised when Jeno crossed the road to head towards it. You were even more surprised that the church was unlocked when Jeno pushed one of the large wooden doors open. “I want to show you something.” He said as you followed behind him. He headed towards the front and looked up, “Despite everything I feel about church and religion and my dad, I’ve always quite liked Mary.” He spoke softly, you held his hand close to you and leaned your head on his shoulder whilst you both looked up at the statue. “She’s managed to fool all of these people into believing she was a virgin despite getting pregnant. It’s amazing really.” He almost laughed at his own statement. You moved your attention to Jeno’s face as he looked up at the statue. His face must have been calved by angels, if they existed. It was perfect. He was perfect. You moved in front of him so you were facing him and wrapped your arms around him. He returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around you too. “Are you a virgin?” You suddenly ask out of the blue. Jeno is shocked by your question and almost chokes whilst trying to answer it. “What?” He says, “Are you a virgin?” You repeat, this time looking up at him. “I have a controlling overly religious father, what do you think? He raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you actually are? But you’re so hot!” You place and hand on his chest, your mouth wide open. “Thank you, I guess.” You wrap your arms around his neck and place a kiss on his lips. His hands find your waist and you slip your tongue into his mouth. “You kiss well for a virgin.” You couldn’t but say it. “I’ve have kissed girls before!” He sounds offended but doesn’t say anymore as you press your lips to his again.
Your arms unwrap themselves from Jeno’s neck and your hands find your way to his chest and then lower, and then slightly lower. “Is this okay?” You ask when you pull away from his lips. He looked to pretty right now, his lips red and slightly swollen. He mumbles out a “yes,” and you drop to your knees. In a church. God if you are real and you’re watching us right now, please forgive me, you thought as you began to unbutton Jeno’s pants. He watches you as you pull his underwear down, and take his cock into your hand. You look up at him again and he swears this is the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. You pump his cock a few times before taking it into your mouth. You make sure to retain eye contact as you suck, wanting to see Jeno’s reaction as you gave him head in the middle of his fathers church. It felt so unbelievably good, he thought, the fact that it was so wrong excited him. You kept looking up at him through your eyelashes as you went, making sure to take him right to the back of your throat. He threw his head back and groaned as you did this so you knew you were doing a good job. “Fuck, this is amazing.” He moaned and placed his hands on the back of your head. You could sense he was getting close as he pushed slightly on your head and let out a loud groan. “Come in my mouth.” You said as you took your mouth of his cock for a second. He quickly pushed your head back down and you giggled before taking it back into your mouth. And then he came. Right into your mouth, some spilling out past your lips and onto your chin. You swallowed before coming back up to face him. “Holy shit. I have faith. How could God not be real if having your dick sucked in a church felt that good?” You joked and you giggled at his comment as he took your face into his hand and wiped his cum off of your lips and chin. “Thank you baby.” He placed a kiss to your forehead before bringing you into his chest for a hug. “No problem.” You grinned cheekily at him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “You should probably pull your pants up and get me out of here though. It’s late.” He smiled and placed another kiss on your forehead before you both headed back to your house.
“Really, thank you though.” Jeno said as he pulled the covers over you both. “Stop thanking me! It’s the least I could do!” You giggle and throw your arm over his stomach. “What random question are you gonna ask me tonight?” He asked as he placed a hand on your head, reminiscent of the nights earlier events, but this time to stroke your hair. “Hm, who is your favourite artist?” You run your hands down his chest and abs, feeling over the beautifully crafted muscles. “You.” He says immediately. “No like a real artist.” You look up at him and he swears it almost makes him hard again. “You are a real artist. You make art, beautiful art, and, you’re real.” He says very surely. “Thank you.” You lean your head into his chest. “Are we gonna risk you sleeping over again? Yeah I think we are, you’re very comfortable.” You say as your eyes flutter shut.
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“Stop!” You squeal as Jeno lifts you over his shoulder and quickly walks into the lake, following your brothers. “No! Come and have some fun!” Your brothers laugh, enjoying their sisters misfortune but also enjoying seeing you so happy. “I was having fun!” You try to argue but it doesn’t seem to make any difference as Jeno dunks you into the lake. When you come up from the water you push Jeno back to try and get him to fall back into the water but you fail miserably and fall yourself, right into his chest. “Aw what a lovely thank you hug for making enjoy your day instead of sitting on the side just watching us.” You give in and wrap your hands around his neck placing a kiss on his cheek. Oliver makes a gagging sound and splashed you both, Jeno immediately unwraps himself from you and chases your brother round as fast as he can despite the water trying to stop him. Kaspar makes his way towards you, “I like this version of you. All happy and loved up. It’s nice.” You lay back in the water and watch the clouds above you. “But what’s gonna happen when we have to leave for Denmark again?” You hadn’t even thought about the fact you’d have to go back at the end of the summer and it made you feel sick. “I don’t know. But I don’t really care right now.” You stand upright again and look at your brother, a pout on your lips. “Sorry for bringing it up. Just want to prepare you.” You knew your brother only ever had good intentions. He’d never want to hurt you, he loved you far too much. You enjoyed watching Jeno chase Oliver for a while longer before you decided you were too cold and needed to get out of the water.
Jeno joined you by the lakeside a few minutes later as you lay out on your towel, enjoying the sunshine with your new sunglasses. The lake had a mix of stones and sand surrounding it and you’d found a good spot with no stones. He laid next to you on his side on the towel you’d brought him. He reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze when he retrieved it. “You’re so pretty.” He said, which made you break out into a smile. You felt all your worries leave your body whenever he spoke. “Even in my sunglasses?” You teased, “Even in your sunglasses.” He winked at you before he headed back into the lake with your brothers. You sat up and watched them for a while, playing and thrashing about in the water. Oliver had brought a ball with him and they were throwing it about playing some sort of game they’d made up. You couldn’t help but smile watching Jeno get on so well with your brothers.
Your brothers had never liked your previous boyfriend, if that was what you could even call Jeno, you weren’t sure, you hadn’t spoken about it. Your ex wasn’t exactly interested in having any sort of relationship with your family and it made you sad. When you thought back to it, all he wanted was to have sex with you, and when you weren’t having sex he was distant and cold. You broke up with him after five months, five months too long, you thought, and he was surprised that you’d done it. You couldn’t believe the audacity he had. He was honestly shocked that you wanted to end things with him after he treated you like you like you were just a hook up. You could remember Oliver being so relieved when you told him your boyfriend wouldn’t be coming over anymore. “Thank the Lord.” He said. He was only nine.
The boys finally made their way out the lake, complaining of hunger. You suggested that instead of bothering your grandmother for food, you’d head out into the village for lunch. Your grandmother never minded cooking for you but you thought she deserved a break, having cooked three meals a day for you for the past two months. You walked back up into the house to get changed, Jeno following behind you. Your grandparents weren’t in anyway, you remembered they’d told you they were driving into the closest town to pick up something your grandfather needed. As you and Jeno walked into your bedroom you caught a whiff of your hair, it smelt of lake. “I’m just gonna shower quickly. I smell of lake.” You told Jeno. Your mind, being in the gutter as always, asked you to invite him in. So you did. “Wanna come shower with me? I don’t share a bathroom with anyone so we’re safe.” You gave him a sultry look. He didn’t have to say anything as he followed you into the bathroom, taking his shirt off as he did so.
You turned on the shower and began undressing. You realised Jeno had never seen you naked before. You suddenly felt insecure, but there wasn’t any going back now. Jeno watched as you took off your bikini top, mesmerised by how beautiful you were. Once you were fully naked you stepped into the shower, “Coming in?” You snapped Jeno out of his daze and he pulled off his shorts and got in with you. “You’re so beautiful.” He ran his hands down your sides. You smile at him and place a kiss on his cheek. Jeno helps you wash your hair and makes sure your conditioner is coating every strand of your hair. Once you’re done you step out, pulling a towel around yourself and pass one to Jeno. He wraps it around his waist and follows you back through the hallway and into your bedroom, thankful you hadn’t been caught by your brothers.
When you arrive at the village café you sit down on one of the tables outside. Having already decided on your orders on the walk there, Jeno and Kaspar go inside to order your meals. “You like Jeno a lot don’t you?” Oliver asks you. “I do Oli.” You smile at him, “I like Jeno too. He’s very nice. He’s nice to you too.” You feel bad that Oliver had probably picked up on the way your ex had treated you. It probably worried him. But you’re grateful that he likes Jeno. When Kaspar and Jeno come out they have your drinks. Jeno places your coffee in front of you and sits down next to you. He immediately grabs your hand from under the table and rests it on his thigh. You give his hand a squeeze and try your coffee, humming in pleasure at its taste.
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It’s three in the morning and you can’t sleep. Jeno had decided that after your walk to see the horses in the pasture that he should probably go home and sleep in his own bed that night. He had mentioned that his father wasn’t happy that he was out almost every night and questioned his whereabouts whenever he would see him. Which wasn’t very often these days. You couldn’t sleep without Jeno now though. He’d spoiled you with his fantastically comfortable chest which you used as a pillow. You decided that you weren’t going to sleep any time soon so you got up and out of bed. You sneaked out to the kitchen and out the back door successfully without waking anyone and made your way down to the lake. This was something you did often before Jeno had arrived in the village. Your grandfather had told you off about it, saying it wasn’t safe to go down to the lake on your own at night but you needed to see the water sometimes. Even if you’d been in the lake all day, sometimes you just needed to watch the water.
The moon reflected off the middle of the lake and reflected in your eyes. It looked beautiful, you thought. You sat down on a rock and looked out into the water. It was so calm and peaceful. You thought back to your previous summers spent overlooking the lake. None of them were as happy as this summer. You felt ill at the fact that in three weeks time, you would be on a plane on your way back to Copenhagen. You hadn’t spoken to Jeno about it but both of you knew it was coming. You could feel your heart ripping apart at the thought of the conversation. You couldn’t leave him here, even if you would be back the following summer, you didn’t think you could last nine months without him, you couldn’t even last a night without him. You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard footsteps on the rocks behind you. You spun your head in fear but your heart rate returned to a slightly lower rate when you realised it was Kaspar. “Jesus Kristus, du skræmte mig.” You threw a tiny pebble at his legs. “Sorry.” He chuckled before taking a seat next to you.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked, his legs spreading out in front of him. “No, I can’t sleep without Jeno.” You shamefully admitted to him. “What are you gonna do when we get home?” He asked. He knew that you were in love with Jeno. His question wasn’t necessarily about your sleeping habits but just in general. What were you going to do? He wrapped an arm around you and you rested your head on his shoulder. You both stayed in silence as you watched the little ripples form in the water as the breeze skimmed across it. “We should go in. You need to sleep.” He stood up and offered you a hand. You both headed back into the house and Kaspar dropped you back off at your bedroom. You couldn’t sleep at all that night.
You must have fallen asleep eventually because when you awoke, it was already midday. You wondered into the kitchen to see if anyone was in. You could see your grandparents through the kitchen window tending to their garden and you assumed your brothers were down at the lake. There was only one thing you wanted to do today and that was to see Jeno. You quickly got ready and headed out up the road and into the village. When you got to the church you knocked on the cottage door. Donghae opened it and seemed happy to see you. He let you in and told you Jeno was in his room and he would go and get him. You waited for them and decided to glance around the kitchen. There were portraits of Jesus and Mary, several crucifixes and what you assumed was a Bible quote on the wall, but it was in Korean. When Jeno appeared he seemed surprised to see that you’d come to his home. He immediately took your hand and ushered you to his room without saying anything. “Is your dad in?” You asked when Jeno shut the door. “No thank God, but you can’t just appear here. You’re not my fathers favourite church goer believe it or not.” You smiled knowingly. Jeno’s father would often give you stern looks in church. Jeno had told you that his father believed you were corrupting him. That was true, you thought, thinking back to the ‘incident’ in the church. You didn’t care what Jeno’s father thought of you, you only really cared about Jeno. It was probably pretty selfish to think that but Jeno would probably agree with you.
Jeno guided you to his room and shut the door behind him. He had nothing on his walls other than a crucifix above his bed, which was messy and unmade. There were a few items of clothing strewn around the floor and books piled up on the desk. He noticed you looking around, “I was going to ask you if you’d paint me something I could hang on the wall. Just to make it feel more homely I guess.” You nodded and joined him on the bed. “I would be more than happy to.” You placed a kiss on his cheek. A knock on the door snapped you both out of your daze and Jeno instantly got up, scared it was his father knocking. Donghae opened the door and told Jeno something in Korean. When he shut the door behind him Jeno said, “He’s going out. We probably have a while before anyone gets back.” You then immediately pressed your lips to his and pushed him back on the bed.
He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and deepened the kiss. His hands slipped under the t-shirt you were wearing, which just so happened to be his. He must have left it at your place after a swim in the lake. You pulled away from him and hooked your fingers under his shirt, beginning to pull it up over his head. He leaned forward to help you and threw the shirt in the pile of clothes on the floor. You immediately ran your hands over his chest, admiring how beautiful he was and went back in for another kiss. Jeno straight away slipped his hands under your shirt and you helped him get better access by taking it off. You also took the opportunity to remove your bra. Jeno had seen your naked body before but this time he felt different, and he swore he’d never seen something so beautiful in his life. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your breast before placing your lips back on his. You ground down on his crotch and could feel him hardening up at the friction. He moaned and ground his hips back up into yours. You continued like this for a while before you decided enough was enough and you needed him. You swung your leg over him and pulled him up by the hands so he was sitting in front of you. You unbuttoned his pants, just like you’d done in the church that day and he stood up to remove them along with his boxers. You took off your shorts and underwear and then got back into the bed. Jeno took a moment to appreciate how perfect everyone was at that moment and how beautiful you looked, waiting for him. He got on top of you, bringing you in for a kiss. “Are you sure you’re ready?” You asked him, placing a hand on his cheek, making sure he wanted to go through with it. He leaned over to his nightstand and rummaged through it, pulling out a condom.
“You were prepared for this, huh?” You smiled at him, kissing him again. He ripped open the condom and rolled it over his cock and lined himself up. “Go ahead.” You eyes rolled back into your head as he pushed into you and you grabbed his shoulders to ground you. “Holy fuck.” He groaned as he began to fuck in and out of you, “You feel so good baby.” He panted as he placed small kisses on your breasts and neck. “Jen, I love you.” It just came out of your mouth. You didn’t mean it to but God you meant it. “I love you too beautiful, I have since the moment I saw you.” You pulled him closer to you and be buried his face in your neck. He fucked in and out of you slowly and carefully. You could feel yourself getting close as could he. “Go faster.” You breathed out. He propped himself up and began to fuck you faster and harder and the feeling in the pit of your stomach grew. You whined out and grabbed on to Jeno’s back, probably leaving marks but you didn’t care at that moment, you felt so good. “I’m gonna cum.” He choked out before he released, shaking and moaning. He pulled out of you and snaked down your body, his head ending up at your pussy. He licked a stripe up you and focused on your clit, sucking on it. It wasn’t long before you came too, grabbing on to his hair as he ate you out. “Thank you baby. I love you.” You pulled him up towards you and placed a kiss on his mouth and pulling him closer to you by wrapping your arms around his neck. He collapsed on top of you, mumbling an “I love you too,” before wrapping his arms around your waist and snuggling into your neck.
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It was a beautiful evening as the sun set over the lake and you and Jeno were in the water, your arms around his neck and his around your waist. You’d been meaning to talk to him about your return to Denmark but the right time never came. You weren’t sure that the right time would ever come. But it had to at some point. You pressed a kiss to Jeno’s lips before starting what would probably be one of the hardest conversations of your life. You weren’t sure where to even start. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you spoke, “I leave for Denmark again in 10 days.” You felt Jeno’s body tense up under your touch. He didn’t respond he just leaned his head into your shoulder and placed a gently kiss on it. You could feel your eyes beginning to fill with tears as you moved your arms up to cradle his head, stroking his hair. “I don’t want to go.” You cried, tears cascading down your cheeks. “I don’t want this to end.” Jeno held you tightly. He didn’t know what to say. His heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest and stamped on repeatedly. “Don’t go, please.” He managed to squeeze out, trying not to cry too. “I have to Jen. I have school and my parents.” Jeno couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he gripped into you harder, as if holding you tighter might prevent you from leaving. “You can’t leave me here.” He choked out, sobbing now. “I’m sorry Jen. I love you so much.” You pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, wiping away the tears with your thumb.
Jeno slept round again that night, holding you tighter and closer than he ever had. Making sure to take in everything about you. The way your skin felt on his fingers, the way you smelt and the way every time you touched him it felt like an electric pulse shot through his body. “I can’t be alone here.” He let out randomly in the middle of the night. “I don’t know what I’ll do.” It was the early hours of the morning at this point and neither of you had slept. Jeno shot up from the bed, his hands covering his face as he sat on the side. You sat up too and placed your head his back. The panic of not having you here was starting to set in with him and he wasn’t coping very well. “I can’t.” He choked before letting out a sob. You weren’t sure if anything you were going to say would help him. You’d racked your brains for ways your mother might let you stay in France but you kept coming up empty. She was be furious with you if you were just going to throw away your education and future for a boy you’d met on vacation. It didn’t feel like that to you though. Your relationship with Jeno was different, you felt so connected to him in a way that was so hard to explain. “I know,” was all you could say as you rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.
Over the following days you and Jeno had been stuck together like glue. He hadn’t left your side and you hadn’t left his. Your grandparents had noticed that you were so desperately trying to hang on to each other, with it coming to the end of your stay. Jeno was in the lake with your brothers one afternoon, it was probably the first time he hadn’t been right next to you since your conversation. You’d decided to stay on the lakeside and paint. Your grandfather had joined you after a while. “How are you coping?” He said as he stood next to you awkwardly, probably not knowing what to say to you. His granddaughters love life wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. “I think we’re just pretending it’s not happening.” You sighed and continued to add paint to your canvas. “You know, you can always come here whenever you’d like. It doesn’t just have to be for the summer.” He said, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I know Farfar, but you know my mother. We have to help at home.” You looked up and him and he pulled you in for a side hug.
On the evening before you left, it was tradition for you to play board games with your grandparents. Jeno had stayed for this occasion of course and you’d both played happily alongside your family. Jeno had helped you pack your bags and had sneakily placed a few of his t-shirts in your bag, knowing how much you liked to wear them. He seemed okay, you thought, but it didn’t stop you from worrying about him. You didn’t feel okay at all. You wanted to cry when you noticed that he’d put some of his shirts in your bag but you didn’t say anything, worried that it would set him off again. Jeno held your hand throughout the whole of your games night, bringing it up to his mouth every so often to place a soft kiss on it. Your grandparents and brothers felt sad for you both and looked at you with sorry eyes every time Jeno did it. They could see how much love you had for each other and it broke their hearts that you’d be split apart in the morning.
There wasn’t enough room in your grandfathers car for Jeno to come on the ride to the airport. You realised as you piled your bags into the car that the time had finally come and you’d have to say goodbye to Jeno. You grasped his hands so tightly after you’d packed your last items in your room. Tears flowed immediately as he pulled you in for a hug. You sobbed into his chest and he placed small kisses on your neck. You could feel his tears hitting your skin as you held each other tightly. “I love you so much. So fucking much, it’s killing me.” He kissed up your neck, moving his hands to cradle your head as you stroked his back. “I love you.” He said again. “I love you.” You said back, softly, and he sank into you even further, letting out a sob.
You watched Jeno’s sad eyes as your grandfather pulled away from the house. Kaspar wrapped an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss on your temple as you cried. You felt as if you couldn’t breathe. You felt as if your heart had been ripped out and stamped on, placed through a shredder and thrown in the trash. On the way through the village you asked your grandparents to stop off at Jeno’s house. You wanted to give him his gift when he wasn’t there. You didn’t think either of your hearts could have taken the final break of you giving him a goodbye gift. You placed the painting of the lake on his doorstep with a note attached. It was the painting you’d been working on when Jeno had approached you at the lake at the beginning of the summer.
END.
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moumouton4 · 8 months
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Hi! Would love if you agreed to write an Isekai where female reader "appears" in the Shinobi world and meets Itachi, they fall in love, etc. Female reader has special powers and Itachi protects her. She heals Itachi from his chakra illness and turns his regular Mangekyou Sharingan into an Eternal one.
Something like that, you can add whatever inspires you whether that's fluff, smut or angst (as long as there's a happy ending).
Out Of Nowhere || Itachi Uchiha x fem!reader
A/n : Hello my dear ! Thank you so much for trusting me with your idea. I'm so happy I turned this way !
Part 2 : And Everywhere : Sex In Tsukuyomi
A/n 2 : IMPORTANT TO READ - This part was supposed to be the intro of a smut fic where Y/n wants to ask Itachi to have sex inside Tsukuyomi. But it got out of hands and now it's Part 1. So yes there will be a Part 2 published tomorrow or the day after
Warnings : Fluff, angst, fluffy ending slowly turning into a slow burn, Itachi loves ypu and he needs to protect you, but you're here to protect him as well. Next Part will full smut.
Masterlist ⚜
I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it
Word count : 1821
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You never thought you’d ever end up in this situation when everything started. You never conceived the idea of someone like him existing. And he never imagined meeting someone like you
How you met, well it was only the chance of destiny
You didn't even know what had happened. You were just walking along when all of a sudden you felt yourself falling ( like just before falling asleep ) and then poof all of a sudden you were somewhere else ( let's say you didn't care about your family and friends lmao because it would be very depressing )
At first you didn't really know where you'd been moved to. You watched the world around you with rapt attention, eager to understand what the hell was happening to you
Nevertheless, you could feel a force within you, like a fire of energy burning deep inside you
But before you could think further your head started throbbing painfully, you started to feel hot flashes. Your hand found a grip on a tree trunk and you slowly slid to the floor. Not even two minutes later you were out, lying unconscious in the middle of this foreign forest
It is some kids that were playing around the area who found you there. While some stayed at your sides, the others ran at full speed to get someone to help
The inhabitants of Konohagakure who were brought by the kids could have been suspicious - like so many other times lmao - but they somehow decided to give you a chance. According to those who found you you were wearing funny clothes and clearly looked disoriented
When you came back to your senses, they didn’t lose any more time to bring you to *inoichi Yamanaka, who sounded your mind to be sure that you weren’t any threat for the village
The more you stayed in Konohagakure the more you started to feel at ease. You quickly learned that you were surrounded by a ninja world in which chakra mastery was a prerequisite for success
You figured that you too, you possessed this form of vital energy that enabled you to enhance your abilities
The most astonishing thing was that yours - probably because of your journey to this world - was different from the shinobis. It had the power to heal the effects of time and disease - like Rapunzel lmao
But you eventually got used to it and started training to become a ninja - Iruka never had such a respectful, elderly pupil 😂
Thanks to your talent and willpower, you were finally able to complete your studies quickly enough to be allowed to go on simple B or C ranked missions within a year - yeah so impressive
However every time you went on a mission, you felt like you weren't at 100%. It was as if you were only using a fraction of the power you had. But you wanted to improve yourself and be best you could be for your fellow comrades So you took matters into your own hands. You went to the central hospital of Konohagakure and asked the doctors to run some tests on you, to try and understand your situation a little better. And a lot has changed after this
The doctors indeed realized that your chakra contained traces of the proteins present in the composition of the Mokuton, Shôton, Byakugan, Sharingan, Rinnegan… the list was so long
They couldn't believe it, they found traces of every Kekkei Genkai in existence, even those thought to have disappeared
Of course, the information leaked out and many ill-intentioned people began to take a close interest in your case. Your power was invaluable and, if used properly, could create an invincible army of ninjas who, thanks to you, could possess several Kekkei Genkai
You weren’t Y/n the newbie anymore, but more the weapon to to declare war on a major power
That's how you met the person who changed your life and made your day. The most talented ninja of his generation had been summoned by the Hokage V to ensure your security
"You understand, Itachi, her safety is our priority. I don't want her to be left alone until all the bounty hunters we know about are put out of action"
"Very well, I won't disappoint you" the young man answered with conviction
Though he hadn't anticipated that he'd take his mission much more to heart than he should have. And finally, even when you were theoretically out of danger, he couldn't resist staying with you. To accompany you on missions or just come for tea after training. And finally he confessed, unable to keep his love for you a secret any longer
To his surprise, you reciprocated his feelings, and that's when the two of you became each other's most important person
After that, you'll all share. Long, exhausting missions that have brought you closer together and strengthened your bond. And then there were the more difficult times, when things had to be done with heavy consequences
But you always managed to find each other. In more or less good shape and condition
This never-ending game of getting lost and finding each other finally came to an end the day he came back to you partially blind. You sensed from his restraint and the almost empty look in his eyes that he couldn't see much. Indeed, his eyes couldn't even make out the contours of your face through all that mist in his eyes and it destroyed him - seriously I'm sure it would have created some ptsd
You couldn't let it go on and convinced him to stop. You kept him close to you and protected him as he had done for you all those years ago
Though there was one thinking you didn’t know. You thought you'd protect him by keeping him away from battles so he wouldn't use his Mangekyou Sharingan, thinking it was the latter that had caused him to lose his sight, but you didn't count on the rare and devastating disease he was suffering from. For some reason, his chakra was the source, and the more it coursed through his veins, the more poisonous it became for Itachi. As a result, his eyesight and health were declining more and more You exhausted yourself day after day, night after night to finally find a way to give him back his sight. He wasn't lost, so to speak, his sharp ninja senses enabled him to perceive everything around him, but... he'd give anything to be able to see your face again
And so, after a few weeks, you succeeded in perfecting a jutsu to restore his sight. He trusted you blindly ( pun unitented / gen ) and he was right. Because it only took you fifteen minutes. And after that draining effort, when he reopened his eyes he felt slightly different
He looked at his hands for a moment, and when he could see the details of the lines in the palm of his hand again, he swore he felt tears starting to well up in his eyes. You'd done it
He saw without any blur your tired face dripping with drops of sweat. When your eyes locked with his, a sigh of relief escaped your lips and you let yourself fall back tiredly onto the bed behind you. His hands came to cradle your face
"You've done wonders Y/n. You're a miracle from heaven" his thumb was rubbing softly against your cheek "I'll never be grateful enough. But you must rest now. Let me take care of you"
With that he took a towel of cold water and passed it over your face to invigorate you. Then he tucked you into bed before joining you like every other night
He spent some extra time admiring the features of your face, which he had missed so much lately. He struggled to understand how such an extraordinary being had crossed his path. How someone like him had been blessed to have you by his side
"Itachi..." he heard you mumble in your sleep, and he couldn't stop a wave of warmth from flooding his heart. He gave you a gentle smile despite the fact that you were fast asleep and pushed a few strands of hair from your forehead. He placed a lingering kiss on it before getting up to brush his teeth
On the way to the bathroom he noticed a slight weight and a tingling sensation in his eye ( does that even make sense ?!? ) as if something had changed. He brushed it off and decided to take care of the task in hand
He took his toothbrush and put some toothpaste on it. Bringing the brush to his mouth, he raised his head and froze. He had just met his own gaze in the mirror, his pupils now adorned with a pattern different from the three tomoe pattern of his Sharingan and the Mangekyou Sharingan he had awakened a little while ago
He swallowed hard as he recognized the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan. He took a deep breath and concentrated on regaining control. When he opened his eyes again, this time he saw his everyday black orbs in the mirror. The ones who admired and observed your every detail
It was the first time he had witnessed this particularity of your chakra. He'd heard about it like many people, but he'd never seen you create or awaken a Kekkei Genkai in someone before
He wondered if you'd done it on purpose though, or if it was just a mistake on your part. He decided not to bother tonight and to address the subject the following day. Finally, he continued brushing his teeth, counting the seconds until he could join you in bed and sleep with you in his arms... or the other way round - he also loves to be held
Little did he know that sleeping wasn't really what was going on for you right now. Sure you were sleeping, but your mind and body were restless
When he raised his head earlier, you did your best not to let your breath hitch when you saw the new pattern in his eyes. You knew enough about the Uchihas to know what it was and the many properties this power possessed
You body felt like on fire as you dreamed a whole host of scenarios in your sleep "That's so hot" you kept thinking
In real life your cheeks were flushed and your thighs clenching. And when Itachi came back to bed he thought that you were feverish from using that much chakra earlier. So he held you close, hoping his warmth would help your fever go down at some point But you wished just one thing right now, having several of him taking care of you at the same time in a timeless dimension
~
~
Taglist : @foxxymunson , @cl0vr, @ilovemanypeople , @glossy1pearl
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lumoverheaven · 4 months
Text
Rainbow
Joel Miller x fem!reader
A/n: Hello all, I’m not doing too good so here’s a little something I wrote to comfort myself I suppose. Also not proofread so any and all mistakes are mine! Btw this story was made with both game and show Joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗
Warnings: depressing stuff and a little bit of suicidal/death thoughts (if you’re struggling with these thoughts and think you might be a danger to yourself please reach out and get help. You’re not alone and you are loved 💗)
W/c: 1k+
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Stillness. Silence. You laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. You weren’t quite sure what you were feeling. You felt nothing. You couldn’t even find joy in the things you loved to do anymore. You couldn’t find it in you to interact with anyone either. You just disappeared. “I don’t belong here.” You often thought. You were certain no one would care if you just stopped, if you just left, if you just died. You felt your life as you knew it was insignificant and meaningless. Everyone else in the settlement seemed to be having fun, seemed to enjoy their life despite the horrors outside the walls. You should be more grateful that you found a safe place, you found somewhere to live a somewhat normal life in the apocalypse but you weren’t. You wished you weren’t here. The monotony of your life was suffocating your every fiber. When mornings would come you stayed in bed later than usual. You’ve let your responsibilities slip away from you as you simply didn’t care anymore. Maria would come to your house, you looked disheveled in a dirty oversized sweater and some tattered sweatpants. Your hair wild and greasy from lack of care. At first she was gonna scold you for being irresponsible but she took one look at you and just felt bad for you. The scolding words dying on her lips as she noticed the lackluster look in your eyes. You just looked dead.
A few more days pass and there’s a knock on your door. Sighing you willed yourself to get up and open it. Your eyes widen when you see who was standing on the other side. No one other than Joel Miller himself. You haven’t really spoken much to him, you both have been patrol partners once or twice and you volunteered at the school his kid attended often, helping them out in the library. Ellie became a close friend of yours as you had similar interests and hobbies. Joel himself was quite fond of you. You were a quiet girl yet you were such a spitfire. You never let anyone, even himself, boss you around or treat you badly. He liked that about you, you carried yourself well. So seeing you like this, broken and hopeless really surprised him.
“Hey sweetheart..” Joel gave you a small smile, he held a tub of something you couldn’t make out in his hands. “Oh- hey Joel.” You returned the smile and stepped aside. “Come in, what can I do for you?” You said as he made his way inside your house. He took a look around. A little messy, yet cozy. He wasn’t being judgemental because he knew you were going through a rough time. This whole visit came about when Ellie asked if he’s seen you, when he shook his head, the girl expressed her concern about how you essentially went missing for a few days that no one has seen you except Maria but she said you weren’t doing too well. He wasn’t one for caring about other people that weren’t his brother or Ellie but for some reason he felt worried about you, he felt compelled to check up on you.
“Jus’ wanted to see how ya were doin’.. uh I brought some cookies me and the kid made together.. nothin’ too special.” Joel said as walked into your kitchen, setting them down on the counter. You chuckled for the first time since your depressive episode. “You? Baking? Wow, color me impressed. You wanna take a seat and have some milk and cookies with me?” Joel laughed. The request was so innocent and truth be told, just seeing you, Joel would do whatever to spend more time with you. “Sure.” Joel replied as he took a seat.
You prepared the milk and brought it to him, placing it on the table along with your own. You went back to get the cookies from the counter and you set it between the both of you. You picked up a cookie and dunked it in your milk. Taking a bite, your eyes light up. “Woah- Joel these are amazing!!!” Joel smiles as he takes a cookie for himself and eats it. “Thanks, I take full credit- Ellie jus’ preheated the oven and mixed some ingredients. She got tired easily.” You laughed, you were really enjoying his company and his presence. Just this one visit alone made you feel so much better.
“So.. ya haven’t been around lately.. Ellie and I are really worried ‘bout ya darlin’. Everything okay?” Joel asked as he looked at your face, you averted your gaze to your hands. You were tapping your foot on the ground as for some reason you grew nervous. You weren’t used to anyone asking if you were okay, no one really cared about you. Why did he and his daughter care? “Uh yeah. I’m all good, don't worry..” Joel could immediately tell you were lying. “Darlin’.. it’s okay.. y’know you can talk to me right? I may not be good at givin’ advice or be any good at any of this emotional stuff but I’ll listen to whatever you need to get off your chest..”
Joel was honestly surprising you. You never expected him to be here let alone asking you to talk about your emotions. What strange times. You nodded as you both ate your cookies. Perhaps you wouldn’t tell him now what was wrong since it’s a whole lot of trauma you have to unpack and you don’t want to frighten the poor man. But the mere fact that Joel was in your house offering you emotional support and delicious baked goods warmed your heart and made you think that maybe there are people who care about you. People who would be affected if something were to happen to you. If there was anything you learned today was that in your bleak, gray life there were still slivers of rainbows in the form of people like Joel and Ellie who valued you more than anyone else did in your life.
* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・
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