#it wasn't cas having a crack in his chassis it was dean fixing the crack. not pretty as if itd never been there. just. welding it

[jitter-bugss]

interpreting spn through cas or dean-coded lenses can actually be so personal like.

do you love dean winchester because you are dean or do you love him because you love him, heart and immortal soul?

do you love castiel because he is your hope and your faith in a previously faithless world, or do you love him because he finally found his happiness, regardless of the cost?

#bug speaks #spn #SO PERSONAL LIKE #i love dean differently than my dean-coded mutuals do #bc i empathize deeply with the eldest daughter syndrome (im an only child but due to trauma i recieved eldest daughter syndrome) #(its like downloading a picture of a happy family with one child but the photo has a trojan virus and oops now you cant see the pic anymore) #and i just. he is so tired and he keeps giving because. thats the job. #and he bareknuckle built a family tooth and nail #and its like. yeah. me. same. #(obviously a lot deeper psychoanalysis could be done of me and dean supernatural but im too tired rn) #but when i look at dean its like. overwhelming just :') love for him and the way that he is always giving' #up until the end he gives and gives and never takes but he WANTS #and he can HAVE what he wants he HAS IT #JUST SAY IT #i look at him and i Get It #it wasn't cas having a crack in his chassis it was dean fixing the crack. not pretty as if itd never been there. just. welding it #functionally a fix but. a mark. a story. a brand. #i get it. #tonights thought is: cas's love for dean is like buying a used book and finding annotations from a previous owner #and at first this thing is sacred you can't disturb it. its not even worth the time the prev person marked up the book for you #but slowly you start adding your own annotations #its not your book anymore its theirs. its not theirs its yours. ours. #cas looking at dean the way humans in churches look at cas #i Understand #tonight's shrimp emotions brought to you by intricate mutual rituals #are you the superman or the hairless ape in the bestiecule