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candycandy00 · 8 months

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The Offering - A Sukuna x Reader Fic Part 4

Once upon a time, Sukuna was a human man, albeit a monstrously cruel and powerful one. Villages across the land worshipped him as a living deity. One such village holds a festival for seven nights in his honor every year, and on each night they make generous offerings to him, including women who are never seen again. On the fifth night, you are selected to be the offering.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

This will be five parts! If you’d like to be tagged when I post the final part, comment to let me know. You must have your age in your bio or pinned post and be 18+ to be tagged.

Feedback of any kind is greatly appreciated! Thanks so much for the feedback on part three! It warms my pervy little heart! ❤️

Smut. 18+. Sukuna is a human (my theory is that he got his four-armed body by modifying himself with jujutsu fuckery later in life). Dubcon. Mentions of rape that happened “off screen”. Very rough sex. Blood. Sukuna just generally being a sadistic monster. F!Reader. This is dark and quite intense!

It was late the next morning when Sukuna was sitting in the bath, cherry blossoms floating all around him. He’d long enjoyed the fragrance of this particular flower, especially because they were so short-lived. This village had been wise to hold his festival in the spring, so that they could incorporate the blossoms into his offerings.

As he watched the pale pink blossoms float by, his mind drifted to the offering who was probably still asleep in his bed, or perhaps having breakfast. Now that he’d thought of her, he wanted her to come and bathe with him. She would probably be embarrassed, even though he’d seen every inch of her numerous times by now. Imagining her blushing face was getting him excited, so he summoned a shrine maiden and told her to bring the offering.

Only a few minutes passed before the girl was led into the bathing room, wearing only the sheer white robe. The moisture in the air was making the thin fabric cling to her body in all the best places. Sukuna subconsciously licked his lips as the girl bowed low to the ground and the shrine maiden left.

“You can look up,” he said, and he waited for her to raise her head and look at him before he stood up in the bath. The water came up to his thighs, leaving most of his body exposed. He watched her expression as her eyes raked over his form, water drizzling down over his muscular chest and abdomen, his cock soft but still large and impressive. He knew he was an attractive man. Many people, regardless of gender, had looked at him with appreciative eyes. But once they knew who he was, his reputation for cruelty and extreme violence made their sense of fear override any attraction they might have felt.

Well, this strange offering was the exception.

Even knowing he was a sadistic monster, she was completely overtaken by her lust for him. He found that endlessly amusing, and so he stood there wet and naked before her, giving her hungry little eyes a feast.

“Stand,” he told her, “and remove your robe.”

Instead of getting up immediately, she instead lowered her flushed face back to the floor. “Lord Sukuna,” she began with a small and frightened voice, “may I please… request something of you?”

He stepped out of the bath and walked over to stand above her. This close, he could see that her body was trembling. Though he was normally annoyed by requests, he was too curious not to allow it. He asked, “What is your request?”

She kept her head to the floor and spoke in a frail and halting voice. “If… if you see fit to do so… could you please… show me mercy and b-be gentle with me today? My body still aches from last night, my Lord.”

Ah, so that was it. In all honesty, hearing her beg him to be gentle with her while quivering before him made him want to take her right there on the floor, harder than he ever had before. He wondered what sort of expression she would wear as he mercilessly pounded into her. Ahhh, he could hear her lovely screams in his mind, her pleading voice begging him to stop as he left fresh bruises all over her soft body.

Then his mind was invaded by the image of her smiling, and the image of her hugging the pink robe. He sighed. “I’ll show you mercy, if you can satisfy me in other ways.

Now stand up and remove your robe.”

He watched her hurry to her feet, clearly eager to please him. As she shyly pulled off the robe and let it drop to her feet, he wondered how he would kill her at the end of the night. She had certainly pleased him enough to earn a quick death, but he didn’t want it to be over so soon. He wanted to take his time, draw out every agonized scream, slowly slice away parts of her until there was nothing left.

Ah, but he didn’t have time for that. He would be leaving the village by morning. It was a shame that she wasn’t the offering on the first night. Then he would have had the whole week to enjoy her. The first four nights had been an utter waste. Only the first offering had made it to his bed, and only then because he hadn’t enjoyed a woman in weeks and wasn’t feeling particular. She’d been totally boring, a hole to fuck and nothing more. He didn’t even remember her face or what she’d sounded like. The other three had been eviscerated in front of the dais, their hysterical blubbering too annoying for him to bear.

He looked at the bandaged girl in front of him and wondered if he’d ever be able to purge from his memory the image of her smiling face, the sounds of her sweet moans and cries, the feeling of her arms clutching him with all their meager might. He walked over to a stone seat near the water and sat down, deciding to give the matter more thought in the evening.

********

When Lord Sukuna had stood up in the water, you’d literally stopped breathing for a few moments. Standing there naked, glistening with water, black ink trailing lines down his body, he looked every bit the god your village worshipped him as. When he came to stand over you, the closeness of that perfect body to yours made you feel dizzy. His beauty only made you more self conscious, but you took off your robe as he commanded.

Now he was seated near the water, and he beckoned you to follow. You approached him slowly, dreading whatever he might do to you but also feeling an incredible thrill. You were already wet just from the sight of him.

When you were close enough, he reached up a hand and ran it over your bandages. You felt a shiver when his damp palm slid over your bare nipples.

“Let’s take these off,” he said, and began peeling the thin strips of cloth from your body. He unwrapped you as if he were opening a gift, using careful, intimate movements that left your face burning. When the bandages were completely removed, you somehow felt more naked, even though they covered very little to begin with.

He pulled you closer to him, so that you were wedged in between his spread legs. You could feel that he was getting hard. As if in response, you felt your own arousal dripping down your legs. You clamped them together, embarrassed that you had no control over yourself when you were this close to him. But he looked at you with a smug smile, seemingly able to read your thoughts. One of his hands squeezed in between your thighs and moved up, just grazing your pussy before withdrawing.

He held up his hand, shiny with your fluids, and looked you in the eyes as he licked it clean. Your knees nearly gave way. That look in his eyes said he knew he was driving you mad with lust, that he enjoyed making you so wet you could hardly bear it. He grinned as he leaned closer and said, “If you want me to show mercy to your dripping pussy, then satisfy me with your mouth.”

As he pulled back slightly, he licked two of his fingers, thoroughly coating them in his saliva, then plunged them into your mouth. He watched you suck them ravenously as he spoke again. “Ah, but I haven’t given you permission to have my cock in your hot little mouth. What are you going to do?” The question was asked in a mocking tone, but you knew the answer.

His fingers slipped from your mouth and his strong hands pushed you down to your knees in front of him. His fully hard erection stood tall, inches from your face. You wanted it in your mouth immediately, to taste him, to please him. But he hadn’t given permission yet, so you looked up at him with teary eyes and said, “Please, Lord Sukuna… please honor me by letting me taste your cock.”

You saw his eyes widen just slightly, and his engorged member seemed to twitch. Then a wide smirk appeared on his handsome face. “Very well. You can taste it, but you’re not allowed to take it into your mouth yet.”

With a small bow of appreciation, you extended your tongue and began licking up and down his length, slowly, with worshipful motions. You paid special attention to the tip, where a few delicious drops were leaking out. Ahh, you wanted it in your mouth so badly!

“Please, I beg of you, my Lord,” you said between licks, a thin string of his sticky precum connecting his tip to your tongue, “Let me take you into my unworthy mouth.”

He looked down at you with no expression. “Denied,” he said.

His cock was throbbing under your tongue, but he clearly wasn’t going to go easy on you. It wasn’t like you were trying to be seductive, you were simply voicing your genuine desires. You nestled your tongue into his tip again and continued your pleading.

“Lord Sukuna… please… I need you in my mouth… please! Fill my mouth with your cock… let me drink your cum…”

You said it all while licking every inch of him with religious devotion.

Finally, he grinned down at you and said, “You can take me in your mouth now.”

Your lips immediately enclosed around his length, the unbelievably huge cock completely stuffing your waiting mouth, your tongue circling it.

Even though you were enraptured with the taste of him, you heard his silky voice above you.

“Oh, but now that I’m in your mouth, don’t take my cock out. No matter what. I’ll remove it when I’m ready.”

You looked up at him and nodded your head as best you could while having your mouth so full. You couldn’t imagine wanting to take it out now that you had such a gift in your mouth, but your mind was getting a little fuzzy, momentarily forgetting the kinds of cruel games Sukuna liked to play with you.

Your legs were slippery, drenched in your own juices. You were so aroused, you couldn’t stop your hand from moving down to slip inside your folds.

“Don’t touch your clit,” you heard Sukuna say in a commanding voice, and you felt like sobbing as you pulled your hand away. He wouldn’t touch it or allow you to touch it last night, and so it remained swollen and sensitive and begging for attention.

You heard him laugh at your distress. “Such a needy little cunt,” he said.

He was pulsing in your mouth, you could almost feel his heartbeat. You kept up your ministrations, using your entire mouth to pleasure him. The thick organ twitched once more, and then all at once his hand gripped your hair and pulled you forward until he was choking you. He came, shooting hot cum directly down your throat. But at the same moment, he released your hair and his hand moved to your nose, where he pinched it shut, cutting off your air.

You almost jerked back in your panic, but you remembered him telling you not to take his cock out of your mouth, so you held on, feeling the warm and sticky cum sliding down your throat as you struggled to swallow it without breathing. Tears were falling from your eyes as you looked up at him, silently pleading for him to let you take a breath. He watched you for a moment before finally releasing your nose.

For several moments you sucked in air through your nose and sputtered and coughed around his cock, not letting it fall out of your mouth. He seemed to be enjoying your struggle, looking down at you with an amused expression. It took you a little while to realize he still hadn’t pulled out, even though he had already cum.

“Did you really think I would be satisfied with cumming in your mouth only once?” he asked. Then he reached down and stroked your hair as he said, “Keep me in your mouth until you make me cum again.”

You wasted no time swirling your tongue around his now soft cock. The first step was getting him hard again, so you focused on that, making gentle sucking motions and moving your head back and forth. You tried to ignore the red eyes staring down at you, watching you work, as well as the soreness blossoming in your jaw from keeping something so big in your mouth without letting your teeth hit it.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for him to be fully erect again, and the feeling of him swelling against your tongue made you even wetter.

You had given up denying to yourself that you were falling for this monstrous man. He was cruel and brutal and enjoyed hurting you, but it didn’t change the way you felt in his presence. You wanted him, so much that your entire being ached for him. Even knowing he was going to kill you did nothing to dull your passion. And so you communicated those feelings through your mouth on his cock, wanting him to feel your desire, your love.

And after only a few minutes, you felt him throbbing again. His hand returned to your hair, and you prepared yourself to have his cock shoved down your throat again, but this time he suddenly pulled himself out of your mouth. As you looked up at him curiously, his hand still holding your head still, you felt strings of hot cum shoot onto your face. It covered you, getting into your hair, dripping down over one of your eyes, across your nose, running down over your lips and falling from your chin to drizzle over your breasts.

You stared up at him with one eye open, frozen, not daring to wipe any away without permission even as a glob of it ran over your left eyelid. As he looked down at your messy, cum-soaked face, Sukuna was smirking again, clearly very pleased with himself. He stroked the back of your hair and stood up from the stone seat. “Good girl,” he said, “now finish your meal.”

It took a moment for your addled mind to understand what he meant, but then it clicked for you. As he watched, you began wiping up globs of his cum with your hands and pushing it into your mouth, licking your fingers clean each time. You smiled up at him and said, “Thank you for this blessing, Lord Sukuna.”

The smirk seemed to vanish from his face, and he turned away from you. Was that….? No, it couldn’t have been…. You knew it had to have been your imagination, but for the briefest of moments, just before he turned away, you could’ve sworn there was a faint pink tint to his face.

You didn’t have time to think more deeply on it, because soon after he turned back to you and scooped you up in his arms, carrying you to the bath. You didn’t protest, only gasped in surprise as he stepped into the water and sat down, easing you into the steamy warmth. The water smelled so sweet, like him.

He gently pushed your entire head down into the water, just for a few seconds, then pulled you back up. Then he had a sponge in his hand, wiping at your face. When finished, he turned you to face away from him and then began running his hands through your hair, working some sort of lather into it.

Was he really washing your hair? It seemed ludicrous. He was a tyrant, an evil god, but right now he was carefully rinsing your hair. The soft movements made your whole body tingle. Was this his way of rewarding you? Or the start of another sick game?

Once your hair was washed, he sat back against the wall of the tub and pulled you into his lap, your back against his firm, wet chest. One of his hands moved over your body lightly, brushing over your nipples, your stomach, you hips, and then settling between your thighs.

The hand just sat there for a while, not moving and not parting your folds, as if it were just a comfortable place to leave it. Then, just as you were relaxing, one of his fingers slipped in. It pointedly did not touch your clit, only the area around it, which drove you mad. He circled it without even grazing it once, and you quivered in his lap.

“Please… Lord Sukuna…”

He had his mouth close to you ear. “Please what?”

“Please touch my…”

After you failed to finish the sentence, he whispered to you, “Touch your what?”

You squirmed as he kept rubbing everywhere except your aching nub. “My… c-clit,” you whined, both your hands gripping his strong arm.

“I won’t,” he said, “and you won’t either. Not now.”

The finger he’d been tormenting you with slid completely inside you, and was quickly joined by another. You moaned, your back arching against him as he pumped both fingers in and out of you.

Your senses were overwhelmed. The heat of the water, the strong scent of cherry blossoms, Sukuna’s perfect body pressed against yours, his sultry whispers, his fingers fucking your needy hole… it was too much for your fragile emotions to handle.

“Lord Sukuna… I love you…”

The words slipped out before you could stop them, and you quickly lowered your face to hide your blush. His fingers never stopped, and in fact he added a third as his other hand tilted your chin up to make you look at him.

He looked amused, as usual, and said in his beautiful voice, “Such a pitiful little offering.” Before you could even wonder what he meant by those words, his mouth encased yours, his tongue pressing between your lips and swirling with your own. Your hips in his lap reflexively moved with the rhythm of his plunging fingers as you moaned into his mouth.

Every inch of you felt amazing. You wanted to stay like this forever. If only the festival would never end, if only you could have been chosen the first night and had a few more nights with Sukuna, if only he felt even one tiny, fleeting speck of care for you.

One of his fingers pressed a spot inside you that made you nearly scream in pleasure, and you came on his hand, your body shuddering in his arms while his lips drank in your moans.

The two of you remained in the water for a while longer, neither of you speaking, your panting the only sound in the room. Then Sukuna stepped out of the water, and you followed soon after.

You stared at his form longingly as he dried himself off. He caught your gaze and laughed. “We just bathed. Don’t tempt me to make a mess of you again.”

You blushed and turned away from him to finish drying off yourself. You were still embarrassed about your slip up earlier, when you accidentally admitted that you loved him. You knew such feelings from an ordinary village girl were laughable to him, so you hoped he would simply forget it.

The two of you pulled on fresh robes and left the bathing room. As you walked down the hall a few steps behind Sukuna, he looked over his shoulder and said, “Let’s have something to eat. You don’t want to be hungry when night falls.” Then he continued on.

You stopped dead in your tracks. It occurred to you that he would definitely take you in his bed one more time before the festival ended, and he would probably hurt you again. You thought you could withstand physical pain, you’d even made peace with the fact that he would kill you. But there was still something he could do to you that you didn’t think you could handle, something he would most likely do just for the sake of being cruel. He could let you know just how little he thought of you, how ridiculous your sad little love was, how meaningless these past few days had been to him.

A strange little throb appeared in your chest, and you pressed your hand there to feel your own heart beating. You shook your head to try to dispel your dark thoughts, and hurried after Sukuna, deciding to do your best to enjoy your final hours.

Tag List:

@yourmumsthings @boogeysmoth @gojoscumslut @slut4animedilfs @urcrybby24 @kaqua @chiisana-akuma @httpslu0 @thoreau-ly @poopoobuttsy

#sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna smut

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eliza-styx · 1 year

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The grand Kömsko (König/Gromsko) timeline & masterpost

The time has come to sum up the lore and history of the ship that stole hearts of many by complete accident and wormed its way into the subconscious of many Polish shippers in the cod fandom. This post is for you, if you wanna participate in our little cult but struggle a bit with realising what headcanons may be appropriate for Gromsko, if you’re not Polish yourself and some König ideas that we think make sense in relation to this ship.

It all started on the fateful day of December 9th 2022 when Ghostytoasty made the most random joke that was exactly the snowflake needed to start an avalanche of events

It led to Orin pitching an idea of enemies to lovers story for these two and my own brainworms picked it up to basically draft the whole fanfic in the conversation, at which point Shiba promised to make art for, if I actually wrote it.

Well, two days later, a child was born, the very first Kömsko fanfic to be posted on AO3

Shelter Me

written by none other than me aka ElizaStyx with the beautiful cover art done by MizuShiba

And thus the ship became reality.

It gained interest on twitter with artists like @/620_ne1 and @/Capitan_LX among others posting their own fanart of the pair

Shiba, of course also kept creating more beautiful art of the couple

Encouraged by the small cult that spawned amongst the people of the ghostsoap discord I started working on the sequel fic, a humorous and fluffy take on the pair dealing with being in love while also working for the rival factions

Carry You

meanwhile, Ghostytoasty got their own inspirational angst juices flowing and wrote a beautifully poetic MCD fic

The warmth that lingers as a shattered heart bleeds

Somewhere along the way, a side channel dedicated to Kömsko spawned in the discord and we begun to fill it up with the various headcanons and ideas that are now listed in a twitter thread by Capitan_LX but to sum up some facts to start your own juices flowing

Gromsko basic headcanons:

- born 11.11.1990, on the Polish Independence Day - brought up in roman catholic faith with very strict, religious parents and a younger sister we named Judyta, definitely was either an altar boy or sung in the church choir - wears a cross around his neck since childhood - history nerd, knows everything about history of Poland and will ramble all night long - has two music listening modes: Sabaton or Polish pop like Doda, hates disco polo - very patriotic, brought up basically brainwashed into believing in God, Honour, Fatherland above all else, had dreams of a winged hussar and that’s why he joined the army (but also dreaming of men, huh?) - struggled coming to terms with his sexuality because the catholic church teaches that homosexual love is forbidden, used to say very offensive shit in his youth but definitely had grown since then - swears in Polish even if he speaking in a different language - calling people idiots and other names is his language of love - never recieved gifts as a kid, cries every time König gives him something and König keeps showering him with gifts - knows English, Russian and German but doesn’t let on just how much German he understands because König loves to whisper sweet things into his ear that he thinks Gromsko doesn’t understand

König basic headcanons:

- born 15.08.1994, on the day of Assumption of Mary which is obviously a big religious holiday in Poland - is an only child, brought up by a single mom who struggled to make ends meet and worked several jobs but would give up anything to care for him, though often was absent overworking herself - severely bullied in school for being tall, awkward and having no dad, called slurs - became a bookworm to escape reality into fictional worlds - keeps a journal of his thoughts and the books he read - daydreams a lot and in the evening writes down many stories that he daydreams about during the day in his journal but thinks they are silly and never showed anyone until Gromsko came around (Gromsko adores them) - his love language is gift giving and he will look for excuses to give gifts - listens to heavy metal and death or black metal, loves Rammstein - gets into Behemoth and other Polish metal bands because of Gromsko - brushes his teeth at least three times a day, never smoked because it’s bad for gum health - decides to learn Polish in secret so Gromsko doesn’t know he understands when he calls him names - will listen to Gromsko ramble about history all night long - anxious mess 24/7, has severe panic attacks sometimes but Gromsko knows exactly how to ground him and calm him down

#kömsko #gromsko #König #cod mwii #fanfiction #fanart #headcanons

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classasurreptitiouslurker · 18 days

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Gabriel's Memory, Again

So, a while back I mentioned that I found that, with a nitpick-y approach, you could arguably say that all of the times (I make it five, but let me know if I've forgotten anything) when Jim remembers - using the term loosely here, because I'm also including his trances - something of Gabriel all operate differently. This, now, is the nitpick in question. Fair warning: there's no conclusion to be had here, since there's not enough similarities to draw one, and just the fact of the differences also isn't exactly sufficient for that, and as I mainly wrote this to lay it and my thoughts out - for clarity, recall and organisation, but also as a starting point and, so to speak, to-do list for things I want to look at still - it may be a little (or little more) rough.

First up, going by episode chronology, we've got whatever it was that drove Jim to seek out Aziraphale to begin with. From what he says, it seems to have been a combination of perceptions that led him to Aziraphale: a vague sense of doom - the "something terrible" - and an equally vague sense that this was a being who could help and shelter him - "as long as I came here [it] might not happen to me". Whether he's feeling love, or ethereal energy, or still subconsciously retaining a memory of Aziraphale's personality, or of a plan he formed while he was still Gabriel, and what exactly the "something terrible" actually was, since he can't actually remember, just that it's coming (and how did he find the bookshop anyways?), is, while interesting and a topic for the future, not making much of a difference here. Either way, whatever precisely's behind this, it's manifesting in a way that seems like a sort of sixth sense, a vague, generalised impression, strong enough to move him but not so strong as to give him any urgency, apparently emotion-based and possibly, at least partially, not actually a memory at all.

Next is when starts singing Everyday to himself in E2. He has no idea why he starts doing it - he doesn't even realise he is at first - or where it came from and it seems to have come to him later, rather than being something he knew from the start, with no particular trigger beyond a possible tenuous after K comes L -> L = love -> love = Beelzebub -> Beelzebub = Everyday connection, in which case it's still not jarring or abrupt in the way he suddenly gets snapped into his trance later in the episode. Everyday featured prominently in two of the three key Beelzebub meetings we were shown, and is a symbol of their relationship, not to mention played a fairly major role in the memory of him receiving the fly, the critical component of his escape plan, making it a personally significant piece of information. Like the instinct that made him seek out Aziraphale, it revolves around emotion; however, beyond that, it's practically entirely opposite. Whereas the former's broad, seemingly slightly random, and without the details to make sense of it, Everyday's essentially one single important detail, completely isolated and context-free, something we later learn is special to Gabriel, but which is without that additional background far too narrow in scope to explain even its presence, let alone its meaning.

In the same episode, we also get his first trance-like altered state. He 'snaps' into this state after Crowley directly questions him about "the first thing [he] remember[s]" - possibly what he meant in the last episode by "ask him properly" (and another post - really this whole paragraph is) - although snaps isn't really the right word for the way he struggles into the trance, wrestling either with his own memory or a possessing force. The process seems exhausting and painful, and he says he can't keep going, adding "not anymore" with a surprising sudden flash of insight into his former capabilities, and he appears disorientated - but aware of the situation - afterwards. His eyes go back to Supreme Archangel Gabriel purple and God's voice echoes alongside his when he speaks. The words are also God's, spoken when Gabriel was not actually present. It seems unlikely that the Bildad masquerade would have gone the way it did if he'd been spying on that scene, but there's no way to truly eliminate the possibility that he somehow overheard God, though that seems an utterly random memory to procure. It's possible God is somehow speaking through him, or perhaps Gabriel simply has access to Her words, in form of some kind of God's Messenger function, however, I've also wondered whether they both use the same words because they are both referring to the same, third, thing. Regardless of what exactly's going on here - as I said, I'd like to make a separate post for that sometime - it doesn't fit into a pattern with either of the previous occurrences, which, okay, this is a separate matter, but it doesn't seem the same as his next trance either.

Coming to said next trance: at the end of E3, Jim gets (apparently) triggered by Crowley's use of the word "tempest", which features in his own words, and accordingly, seems to have acted as a sort of key or index. Once again, there's a clear verbal cue, though of slightly different format, that snaps him into his trance, delivered, again, by Crowley. It looks smoother this time however, less of a struggle and more a fluid transition from one moment to the next. His eyes revert to Angel-Gabriel-BluePurple and while I personally don't hear anyone speaking, I'm taking other people's word that it sounds like there's a woman voice overlaid; it's certainly not God speaking again though. The words themselves, bizarrely enough considering that this is all about memory, sound very much like a prophecy. Of course it's possible that the memory element comes back in if he's either repeating a prophecy he's heard or read before (greetings to Agnes) or if it's referring to an event that's already happened (or that it's not a prophecy at all) but at first glance, we seem to be dealing with the future instead of the past, which, besides being strange, is distinctly the opposite of last time's distant biblical past. After the trance ends, with a moment's delay that almost gave the impression he was going to say more, Jim's memory appears inexplicably reverted to its E1 state, something I'd say doesn't seem to happen after the first trance. Having presumably plot relevant for as-yet-unknown reasons, clearly otherworldly moments of recollection, they would naturally be distinct from the 'regular' workings of Jim's amnesia, but the issue is that they're also different from each other.

Finally, there's his conversation with Crowley in E5, in which he describes where his memory is: "In a matchbox. No, I took it out first... and I put it in the box and I brought it here...". There's only really one piece missing here, the fly, which is the most important bit, sure, but at the same time a fairly small one. Beyond that, this is a fairly focused, specific, relevant memory of direct personal importance, decently detailed and even showing signs of putting a chronology back together, with which he is able to give a direct, on-topic answer to a question. He then follows this up with the "institutional problem" comment, which is unfortunately, unlike the matchbox-memory segment, back to being totally abstracted from context. It does relate to the topic, since it was connected to his trial, but of course, for the characters it's once again an entirely random statement. Still, this whole sequence (triggered once again by Crowley's probing) is the most precision Jim ever shows regarding Gabriel's memories, offering specific details and relevant, targeted, albeit not actually useful, answers, an on-point factualness that doesn't really align with the emotionally-driven, intuition-like flashes of his previous memories. He also says that it hurts to remember, which seems to be more the case in his first trance - he's even repeating the 'head not big enough' here - than in the two previous - and despite their differences, still more similar to this than said trance - cases of 'normal' remembering.

#good omens #s2 meta/speculation #Jim/Gabriel #memory/narration

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nahalism · 6 months

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Hi! Do you sometimes catch yourself analyzing things too much, always getting really deep underneath and kind of ending up having too little room to actually be carefree and sort of experience life without the constant buzz of those thoughts, searches/analysis/seeking meanings/truths/lessons? Or do you find that’s it’s possible to + that you do best when you have both happening simultaneously? If the question doesn’t make sense let me know and I’ll rephrase it. Love& love

hey. i think i get what you mean but lmk if i didnt— i think im the type of person that ricochets between extremes in order to understand myself, the world, what balance means for me,,,, and then when i find the 'truth', or where that extreme has led me, i have a level of understanding about either me or the world that i can hone, either as an ideal to understand or one i can live up to/aspire to. — so there have been times where im in the kind of haze you described. over analysing, over thinking, isolating myself, getting deep into rabbit holes or theories about why what is what. but then i also swing to the other side of the pendulum and have times where im completely in my body, in my feelings, and in response to the world. im not over thinking, although im still hyper vigilant & it feels like im processing the world on drugs. its just in that moment, the need to understand, analyse and chew over the information on my own isnt there yet. something allows me to register everything in a more intuitive way? to where the 'buzz of thinking' still exists but its an energy i can ride rather than one thats stifling me or causing me to over question, over think, & ultimately doubt myself.

there are benefits and disadvantages to both ways of being. sometimes it feels good 'taking things lightly' and feeling unbound and i feel more social because of it. other times it feels good being alone so i can really process the world in the depth i want to without interruption or a need to discuss/debate what i feel. other times solitude and analysis feels overbearing, and the clarity feels stifling. theres all the concepts but they have nowhere to exist out of your head. their just a glass cage youve made for yourself & it can be lonely. that compared to the rush of action and freedom i feel in my 'non disciplined state' is horrible. buttt at my heart i am a serious person. i do like to consider and process and understand. so when i am in a more carefree space, i might have the freedom and the energy to express myself, but the energy is hard to harness or channel to anything thats not purely hedonistic or running off of the same impulsive energy as me. the key / balance here would be for me to channel the momentum of my energy in those moments toward goals/aims set when i am in the analytical, precise, clear space.

and so yeah the reason i explained it in such a drawn out way is that both the extremes help me understand and then actualise the middle ground thats right for me. unless a persons too uptight they may never have the reason / face the kind of discomfort that makes them understand the necessity of being happy go lucky. and if your never happy go lucky you may never understand the necessity of seriousness, or learn that there is a difference between being carefree, and being lackadaisical. vice versa. every experience especially the negative ones show and teach us things either about ourselves, what we need to keep doing, or change, to be where we want to be. deeper than that, sometimes your learning things, seeing things that you arent meant to understand now. they go in your rolodex/subconscious and pop out to save your life/tip you off to something when you least expect it.

dont let anxiety, over analysis, or anything rob you of your life, but trust your brain, trust body and trust your heart to be true mirrors for you. know that they are showing you and telling you things about your reality & that nothing shown is ever wasted. trust in ur journey bb. 🌟

feel free to dm me if u wanna chat. big love to u <33

#ask

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ransiquack · 2 years

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Quite intense character analysis to help with future Luci/Elfo fics :] 👍

•Elfo!

In Elfwood he was constantly around people who made him feel unlovable and unwanted. Even his father showed little to no care about his general wellbeing (stealing his college fund and all). The only person who showed him any affection or genuine interest was Kissy. Of course the only thing she really wanted from the relationship was sex and a quick psychoanalysis but Elfo couldn't help but catch some feelings. He held on to this way of thinking for a very long time. Starving for even a glimpse of appreciation or care to the point that as soon as someone was nice to him he'd fall right back into the puppy love role, prepared to give up everything to feel wanted. Even with his slight resilience in his relationship with Trixy he'd always go back to clinging onto even minuscule displays of attention. When faced with being practically abandoned while leaving home he clings to the show of friendly intrigue that is Bean. He creates an idealized version of her in his mind and clings to the thought that she may love him. When his already fragile sense of self worth is fractured by Bean choosing Dagmar over him he practically shuts down and refuses to take any displays of affection seriously, leading to him undermining his friend's hell bust. He's stuck feeling unlovable and unwanted yet again.

He battles with keeping his practically wholly made up crush alive to preserve whatevers left of his self worth while also subconsciously deciding to let go of love for a bit and stick to his horny guns. This would explain his shallow lusting over Dagmar. In seasons 3 and 4 especially, you can see some very promising pieces of development in how he deals with his 'crush' on Bean. There's a bit of a parallel in seasons 1 and 3 I believe where Elfo goes on a tangent explaining how great Bean is while comforting her. In the season 1 version what he decides to comment on comes off as a creepy stalker getting lost in his own lust filled ramblings. In the more recent version it comes across as a supportive friend giving his bestie a pick me up. Another thing about this version is that he was drunk or at least tipsy while it happened. This shows me that without his filter his feelings for Bean at their very core are nothing more than platonic at this point in time. Obviously it takes him a while to fully let go but I believe he lost feelings around late season 2/early season 3 and fully let go in the last episode of season 4. Finally coming to terms with the fact that he has to search for love elsewhere.

In short all he's looking for is the love and attention he wasn't given for most of his life. Thankfully at least his family and friends situations are much better.

(He may also have adopted a bit of a praise kin-

In terms of how he deals with his feelings currently, I believe he's decided to start keeping his feelings to himself as much as elvenly possible. So instead of letting himself feel he shoves it down to keep himself safe. (He'll figure out his new(ish) genuine feelings soon enough and have a little breakdown but he'll get there eventually)

•Luci!

Luci has spent around 300 years of his life in a place that treats him like nothing. All of his peers were either demeaning or condescending and never took him seriously. The only time he gained even a little respect it was almost immediately ripped away from him. Since day one he was taught that any emotions formed outside malicious intent were shows of weakness and to be looked down upon. That constant berating plus the aforementioned powerlessness has led him to feeling like any trek in the ways of emotional regulation or fulfillment weren't normal and completely useless. This also leads to my theory of why he was so comfortable in his relationship with Kissy which is that he entered the relationship out of purely petty reasons so he was confident in his unfeeling status (can also explain him being so willing to say he loves her). This thought led to the idea that he was upset about the relationship ending because he'd have to think about why he'd entered it in the first place. To give some background on that reasoning just before that was the hell bust for Elfo. While Elfo was busy feeling dejected and unwanted he downplayed Luci and Bean's efforts by a hell of a lot. In the hell bust he had to make peace with how much he cared about Elfo and subsequently gave up everything he'd gained in hell, practically giving up almost everything he cared about for something he was told he couldn't care about. After Elfo being a lil bitch about the whole situation Luci goes into one of his little 'extra evil' moods before going back to normal. For a while he goes in and out of those moods right up until a little while before the whole Elfo getting kidnapped by Trøgs thing in season 4. Right after he finds out about him getting taken he starts being extra dickish about it. We've already seen Luci use his 'demonic nature' to save his friends before along with his impeccable quick thinking. Because of this I think he knew as soon as he told Bean about the situation she'd try to save Elfo and get caught and the only way to get out of going with her was for her to make that decision herself. How? By acting so insufferable she kicks him out. After that hes able to save them both just in time. I don't exactly know what happened with Luci before this whole thing but it feels like him coming to terms with some special little cravings of his. What I do know is that after this episode he starts acting a lot more like himself and actually much more affectionate. In the last episode it's at it's strongest with that little "but who loves Luci" line along with him being extra pliable with Elfo.

In my professional opinion Luci is currently letting himself crave the very thing he was told he could never want. With that I also believe he'll be doing a lot more of that 'attached at the hip' thing.

(Side note, I think the scene right after that last episode line where Bean says she loves him and gives him little kisses is absolutely adorable but ,for obvious reasons, not at all romantic. I also think that he can't quite figure out why he wants more from Elfo than what he gets from Bean but he'll figure it out soon and only freak out a lil.)

#disenchantment #disenchantment netflix #character analysis #luci x elfo #luci disenchantment #elfo disenchantment #elfo #luci #i am not well #creative writing is my passion #im actually kinda proud of this #feel free to add ur thoughts

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tsckcyomi · 8 months

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"One day, the Father brought her here. He asked, if she had faith in him. He asked, if she would be willing to die for him. The young woman, who very much wished to live, was scared. The father told her this was her test. He would have faith in her if she had faith in him. So she closed her eyes, and leapt. The Father kept his word."

Above is part of Faith's introduction scene in Far Cry 5 when she first pulls the Deputy into the Bliss, seemingly referring to only herself. Below, we have the same scene described to us in the Far Cry 6 DLC Collapse, but this time it's Joseph's subconsciousness with Faith's voice telling us what happened.

"In the beginning, before I tried running away, I wanted to give the world to you. I was determined to be your everything. But you already had a 'Faith'. Your heart was so full. So, when you took me up here with her, when you told me to have faith in you... I knew that if I wanted to be with you, I had to do it. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and with all my might… I pushed her off. And I became your new Faith."

Usually, no one in the Project at Eden's Gate truly acknowledges that at least three different women carried the name Faith. Rachel, as well, never acknowledges any of the other Faiths during the events of Far Cry 5, and also never loudly acknowledges that she might be killed should Joseph find someone better suited for the role than her. She does acknowledge that he might hurt her.

Looking back on this, you can then come to several conclusions: Rachel intentionally hid what she did from the Deputy to garner more sympathy of herself, conflated herself and the prior Faith (Selena), or completely blocked Selena out of her memories, or a mix of all of these.

As for my Faith... For the most part, she conflates herself with Selena, and perhaps even the first Faith (Lana or Grace). I don't doubt that she is one of the people consuming Bliss most regularly whilst still retaining a sense of self. So what happened atop the statue was her leap of faith, both literally and figuratively. Her leap to even go as far as killing someone else to prove herself to Joseph, and the leap she made the other Faith do by pushing her to her death. How exactly she remembers this event depends on her current state of mind. If she's at peace with herself and Eden's Gate, she'll only remember herself and Joseph being there. If she's afraid, she'll remember what actually happened. Sometimes she'll remember it as though she pushed herself, Rachel, off, and only remained as Faith. My portrayal of Faith also would have never tried to actively run away from Joseph. Yes, there's a part of her that's afraid of what he will do to her should she falter or fail, but her place is with Eden's Gate. She doesn't have anything or anyone else, this is her purpose, and this is where she can feed her addiction to Bliss.

It's still important to remember that Faith isn't just a victim. Yes, Joseph might have preyed on her when she was broken and when he saw how utterly devoted to Eden's Gate she was, and more often than not she genuinely thinks she's saving people, but she also led a great number of people to their deaths, preying on them and their vulnerabilities all the same, and there's a very cruel side to her. You only have to look at her Angels and listen to the way she describes them in the voice message on the phone at the Brewery to realize as much.

#( headcanon : faith )#...it's been a while since I actually played the game properly dfhjg #and ig Collapse might have been more an afterthoughts considering it's a DLC of the latest Far Cry #but if it's there I might as well use some parts of it-#long post

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risingshards · 10 months

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Storyteller Saturday open question!

My thought for this week is about starting a new WIP, my main question being

How do you start a new WIP?

I'm curious about the methods, ideas, sparks of creativity, what have you, etc. What was the inspiring incident (s) that led to your WIPs getting off the ground? Was it in response to something else, emulating another story or rejecting one? Did you just have a character that wouldn't let go? How do you overcome the hurdles of starting something completely new? I wanna hear stories!

Me rambling about my own WIPs past the cut:

Because I've had issues starting a new WIP even though I wanna have something that's like a just me written project that I try to write tradpub with (while not neglecting Rising Shards, something I write when Rising Shards side of brain needs rest).

A lot of my projects were started around the same time and took a long long time of prototyping and figuring out to get going. I tried to do Project ZERO from scratch but it ended up being a bummer to work on because I didn't have that zinging feeling that made it work for me. Right now my creative side isn't in the mood for D6R as well, as I'm having issues with it being Rising Shards backstory and am wondering if I should just keep it as lore and not try to force something that could feel prequel-y and have content that would be important for RS that wouldn't be in RS if that makes sense.

I have one WIP with my bestie that's from scratch that's coming together nicely I feel, but my solo from scratch WIPs don't have that same benefit. I just get hung up on something and end up with a lot of frustration. I'm in a book club at work that reads new fantasy/YA stuff and I get that like "I CAN DO THIS WHY DON'T I HAVE A TRADPUB BOOK I KNOW THE FORMULAS" feeling which is hard to shake lol.

My ideal for this spark of a WIP idea would be something that's kinda formulaic just for the wants of publishers, something separate from Rising Shards in its own universe, similar to the ideas of Project ZERO in that sense, but one that isn't as stressful and blank whiteboard-y as ZERO.

My project starts for my major recent ones:

D6R: Two of my favorite series ended so I wanted to do a spiritual successor

Rising Shards: Birthed out of D6R, RS ended up out of my desire to write about a bunch of stuff I love (mainly yuri LMAO) while also venting out and dealing with personal things as well as a means to explore my own queerness (this was pretty subconscious at first but it's definitely in there from the start and heavily there where it is now) in web novel form so I can write all the things about characters I love without any restrictions, just something that's wholly me.

Versus: I really really really really wanted to write a Star Wars trilogy and I have the plot points here that will come up somewhere (likely as RS lore since this is that universe), I couldn't get this one to come together, partially because of the D6R hurdle I have rn of thinking too much about how it fits into RS lore/timeline placement.

Collab project: My bestie and I came up with OCs and wanted stuff to do with them!

My WIP starting requirements seem to be:

-I need characters I really love

-I need a major inspiration that won't get out of my head (Bionicle for D6R, yuri and LWA and a bajillion other things for RS, Star Wars for Versus)

-a format I'm excited to work in

-sincerity about what I'm working on and not cynicism

-a combo of the above giving me that spark, that feeling that I have to do this

#writeblr #storyteller saturday #sts #chiral writes #d6r #rising shards

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rat-father · 2 years

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Very long personal vent(?) about writing

Just needed to put it into words for myself

Writing stuff and coming up with characters and stories when I was a child was so much more fun then it is now

I remember that for a class we were required to come up with a story that had to be exactly 1 a4 page long on google docs, not any longer and not any shorter

And I was so upset that we weren't allowed to make it longer because I was having so much fun writing about these strange characters in this strange world doing weird things

I don't exactly remember the details of what it was about but I vividly remember it being something about a murderous fish with silver fish and a man living in a tower in the middle of the ocean, and something about them helping each other in some way

I had to leave that story on a cliff hanger bc I didn't have space to write more but I remember enjoying myself so much writing it

I also wrote fnaf fanfiction when I didn't even know what fanfiction was, and it was about the fnaf 1 characters finding a strange elevator in the kitchen which led down to the fnaf sister location

There was also the time I came up with a whole character backstory on a whim for a role play I was participating in

And now, mostly the last few months, it's just been so difficult for me to get myself to actually write stuff

I don't hate doing it, I don't necessarily hate the results but I'm not happy and excited the way I was years ago

Years ago I was waiting for my brother to be done using the family computer so I could get back to writing these silly stories and now I have to drag myself over to attempt and write a few words which I won't be satisfied with

And if I do finish writing something it doesn't bring the same joy

I love writing, I love my characters and I love posting it online but it feels limited and forced in way

I feel like subconsciously im forcing myself to fit my writing into a certain category or limit myself to certain tropes or something that's holding me back

I want to write silly stories about fish that kill people but I can't seem to come up with weird concepts like that anymore even though I *love* them

I love fever dream type stories which simultaneously make sense but also don't and are amusing and weird

But I also want to write more "character study" type stories, which explore certain concepts or things and are more rambles then stories which don't necessarily have a plot but are simply fun to read

I don't know why I don't write that stuff anymore, I dont know if I still *can*, the things I came up with as a child came so naturally I have to force it now if I want to imitate it and it upsets me

Writing stuff genuinely brought me so much pure joy, it was fun and made me happy while I was miles deep in depression

I haven't felt that raw joy from writing in so long and it's left me so unmotivated while I know that I love doing it

I love writing but it doesn't make me happy and it's frustrating

I don't know if I'm subconsciously forcing myself to write stuff closer to what I read on here or if I'm just mentally stuck in the past holding on to what isn't there anymore

Whatever it is, I don't want to stop writing, but I also don't feel a reason to continue

It's so genuinely exhausting to write nowadays, I physically can't do it without constantly yawning and my eyelids becoming heavy and I wish that was a joke

I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I should do differently or if there's anything I can do but I just want to be happy, I want to feel excited at the thought of being able to write like I used to

I think it may have something to do with me joining the whump community as well, like I'm forcing myself to only come up with whump related content because that's what I love to read

And I love writing whump stuff and I love my whumpees but I also love silly goofy stories but I don't allow myself space for that type of stuff

I also feel that if I were to post writing completely unrelated to whump and completely self indulgent nobody would care or see it which is a bit upsetting

I definitely don't want to stop reading or writing whump but at the same time it might be holding me back a bit and that's not fun to think about or admit out loud

I truly do love it but lately it's been feeling dry and I think it has to do with the fact that whump has been my sole focus for so long that I'm yearning for something fresh

I was reading and writing whump so exclusively that I've just been overdoing it and the well has long run dry

I feel that if I take a break from whump altogether and focus on writing other type of stuff I might? spark interest in writing again, but I don't have any clue on where to start

The stuff I came up with as a child was so random and I have no idea on how to replicate it although I love it so much

#🐀

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ellery-james-roberts · 7 months

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Waking to the Dream of Reality. Part 3

I then wake up into a different dream where I am completely lucid. I knew instantly I was in dreaming yet felt very awake, very present. A sensation of fresh alertness and awareness of my physicality as the world around me held a sensation comparable and perhaps beyond normative waking life.

Before me were two beautiful women, dressed in deep scarlet robes. They both grin at me, congratulating me on finally "waking up" with a playful irony, as if I had finally managed to do something I had been attempting for a long time. They then led me around what I can only describe as an academy of some kind, where many other scarlet robed students were stood before great "mirrors" that mercurially shifted in reflection.

This is where the dream becomes particularly compelling, for I had discovered and began obsessively playing around with an AI image generating app "Dream by wombo.art" during the day prior to the dream. The app enables you to upload an image and then enter words or phrases that the AI fuses from a graphic database into an “original image”. As the new work generates there is an animation of the image morphing as it processes. I had spent the afternoon very intrigued by the creative possibilities of the app, and the sheer strangeness of the images it produced. The animation gave me a sense of how the AI "thought" in random associative patterns dictated by the prompt.

I make note of this because these great mercurial mirrors that the students stood before were doing exactly the same thing as the AI app- they continually morphed in and out of imagery and form. The women explained that these mirrors were a training exercise- to learn how to maintain singular imaginative focus. The mirrors would reflect every thought the mind held, an undisciplined, busy mind reflected a chaos of imagery. Some of the students held singular clear images, that would occasionally collapse into chaos, it was like watching a mental high wire balancing act.

Their explanation continued that all we experience (in life? in a dream?) is a reflection of our subconscious thoughts & beliefs. The imagination is an infinite manifesting mirror of our own inner narratives. The stories we tell, and that are told to us are a two way deep code exchange that constructs our subjective reality. It is possible to "rehearse" and "imprint" a new script on the subconscious through the conscious act of (lucid) dreaming, and thus alter ones lived experience of waking life. This was all presented to me quite casually as a practice I was invited to take up, in-fact encouraged to, it was as if these two women had grown impatient with me "creating" in ignorance of how creation really works.

In their intimidatingly immanent way, the two Dream guides suggested that we are all continuously co-creating reality through our subconscious thoughts, patterns and visualised imagination. The question was then left as do I act with conscious creative intent or continue to sleepwalk unconsciously, a victim of my automatic existence.

read in full on substack

collage made using dream.app

………………………………………..

#lucid dreaming #ellery james roberts #prose

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itsmyflaura · 8 months

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0. The Fool

The energy of the Fool begins to become more apparent when we break out of the monotony of the matrix and begin to seriously wonder what else exists outside of what we've already experienced.

This is a moment where we're no longer navigating life by the rules placed around us, instead being led by a purely instinctive state. & when people witness others go against the rules established, they not only consider this foolish, but dangerous as well.

Those that embody that harmonious synergy with spirit are seen this way because it's not something that can be tangibly explained, only felt and understood once experienced.

Oftentimes one can be made to feel misguided for seeking out a road that's not been paved for them, especially when that road sometimes means leaping off a cliff (metaphorically speaking).

This harmony with spirit is also met with the experiences accumulated prior to this enlightenment, and we're presented with a choice to exist in a chosen naïve like state in spite of these experiences; this time however, there is a new found faith in how to move forward, although this energy is not yet being consciously directed.

The Fool is the only card that has the number zero in the Rider Waite deck, which not only symbolizes a starting point, new beginnings; it also suggests endless possibilities which begin by taking that instinctive step forward. This is the moment we begin to journey through the material, subconscious and superconscious realms as represented by the Major Arcana.

*********

1. Try - Madison McFerrin

This reminds me of the moment of recognition of the shift that happens internally when you know you're staying safe by playing by the rules, rather than going ahead and taking a "leap of faith", how the Fool is often characterized. I remember learning shortly after hearing this track that she had an experience where she sang the national anthem and was completely ripped apart by people on social media. Even with such a heavy experience, she knew intuitively that playing it safe was not an option and was able to make such a beautiful song in tribute to that truth.

2. Colours and Shapes - Mac Miller 🕊️

I have such a deep appreciation for Miller's tracks, particularly after 'Divine Feminine', and this one stood out to me instantly. The composition of the track feels very liberating and flowy to me, almost playful the way an intuitive state of being feels. Timothy Leary (involved in the psychedelic movement in the 60's) opens up the track around his contemplation of "Who Am I". I feel that's part of the Fool's journey, this understanding isn't concrete yet and I felt it really resonated when he wrote "if you want to hold on to yourself, then let yourself slip". The Fool's message is one of surrender.

3. Fall - Chloe x Halle

The slow progression of the piano accompanied by Halle & Chloe's voice feels like surrender to me. The slow beginning is reminiscent of the initial thoughts that can surface in that moment of surrender; fear, doubt and sadness. These are the emotions surrounding the Fool when it appears reversed in our readings. It indicates a blockage that prevents you from following your instincts, and this is perfectly normal as your ego fights to regain a familiar safety. As this track progresses and the tempo increases, it feels like an acceptance of these emotions and choosing to fall through them with optimistic faith.

4. Speed of Sound - Coldplay

This track has always given me the feeling of a sense of wonder and adventure that feels like the Fool's journey. The first verse kind of gives me the visuals of the Rider Waite Fool when he asks "how long do I have to climb, up on the side of this mountain of mine". The lyrics throughout are about going through a journey and resisting staying stuck in what they know; the lyric that I found stuck with me most was a bridge towards the end where he sings "all those signs, I knew what they meant, some things you can invent, some get made and some get sent". I find this explains the juxtaposition of moving forward with your life experiences/choices and being led by an intuitive state outside of your conscious knowing, and how these types of action are very different yet its source still comes through you when you release control and simply surrender.

5. On & On - Joey Bada$$, Maverick Sabre, Dyemond Lewis

I'm such a huge fan of Joey Bada$$, particularly his lyricism in the way his words flow with his often spiritually charged messages. His first verse outlines his experiences as he pursues what he feels destined for; he ends the verse by stating the "omnipresence is omnipotent ... this is the death of a psychopomp but a birth of God's son". A psychopomp is a spiritual guide to a living soul, and he's saying how this unconscious presence that presides over him influences the direction of his path, like Jesus. In the Rider Waite deck, the Fool is facing towards the Left, which represents the unconscious world. The white rose on the card represents when we raise our passions to a higher power and I felt this track really represented this aspect of the Fool.

6. New Map - M83

The sound and lyrics of this track immediately gave me the feeling of The Fool; instead of hesitancy that one might experience when the Fool appears reversed, this track gives me Fool upright being pursued with full exuberance. I feel the essence of the Fool is summed up beautifully with the lyric "rules of conformity, heavy clouds of reason, they're hiding the beauty of your free distortions". This is turning away from the logical mind (represented by the right side in Tarot) and engaging with the unknown.

7. Didn't Cha Know - Erykah Badu

You will see Erykah's art and message sprinkled throughout this Tarot Playlist series because her music has been such a blessing in my life. J Dilla's sampling genius mixed with Erykah's unique voice and wisdom created this esoteric and otherworldly melody that reminds me of journeying through the unknown. The second verse in particular reflects on her reality of not knowing and making mistakes, which could be described as someone foolish, however she embraces this reality of being human, because of the knowing that her heart will guide her back on the path she's meant to take. This is the key in being able to navigate the unknown, trusting your intuition.

8. Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

This song gives me such an overwhelming sense of nostalgia, of long road trips and has just been so relatable as I've moved through life. Her story telling through the verses of her scheming of what moves to make next is reminiscent of the Fool in reverse when it suggests taking the time to plan carefully rather than diving into something recklessly. Sometimes that's what life requires us to do, until we reach that point where we're able to free fall into what is meant for us. There are also socioeconomic barriers that prevent certain groups of people from being able to take the risks as easily, so this is where pursuing the path of the Fool can be read as dangerous. In communities that are particularly targeted under structures of oppression, being taught that practicality is the safest way to exist presents a mental and emotional barrier in allowing the Fool's energy to flow through. The impact of her words at the end, "we got to make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way" really lingers for me; how for some this initial step forward is a matter of life or death.

9. Rise - Solange

This track is like a mantra with the repetition of "fall in your ways" which shifts into "walk in your ways". I feel it serves as a reminder of the why, when I experience resistance in falling when the Fool's energy shows up. So I can crumble, so I can sleep at night, so I can wake up and rise.

10. Spotless Mind - Jhene Aiko

Another one of my favorite artists that will frequent this playlist series, this light hearted track reminds me of the wandering nature of the Fool. The Fools energy is not directed in any particular way, so there is an aimless energy in his travel. The Fool travels with a wand, but again it's tucked away and not in use. While the opportunities are limitless at this moment, this track reminds us that in the endless possibilities that exist, change will always be an inevitable constant.

#tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #divination #playlist #major arcana #the fool #Spotify #rider waite smith

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finalendeavour-s · 2 years

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WEEK 10 & 11 REFLECTIONS

exUnfortunately, I was unable to attend the lectures in both weeks due to prioritizing the making of the project. However, further synthesis into my methodology chapter was conducted, as I had restructured my entire exegesis following the gradual shift in topic and question.

To facilitate this, I needed to take time and rework my exegesis from the beginning. Upon reflection on my current project and narrative, it was vital I rearrange my framework to fit the research. Unknowingly during my processes, I had subconsciously gone into an alternate tangent that no longer embodied my original research question, so I had to take a step back and start from the beginning.

This is not to say that my previous work was completely discarded. I simply needed to do a slightly different line of research to fit my evolved artefact. Yes, my project remains within exploring Toxic Positivity, but I realized that there are alternative themes at play within the overall narrative, as well as new contextual knowledge that must be explored.

This includes narrative structures. I studied Freytag’s Pyramid as what I believed is closely interweaved with my graphic novel. I have referenced the following within my exegesis as part of my further readings.

https://kindlepreneur.com/freytags-pyramid/

https://www.dabblewriter.com/articles/story-structures-fundamentals

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-is-a-bildungsroman-definition-and-examples-of-bildungsroman-in-literature

The other further reading I followed were on the coming-of-age genre. I discovered a term used for genre analysis called bildungsroman. Wikipedia defines Bildungsroman as

a literary genre that focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the protagonist from childhood to adulthood (coming of age),in which character change is important.

Though it also states that while they are used interchangeably, the difference is usually stated as the coming of age is used in a broader sense (umbrella term) while bildungsroman tends to be more specific.

Conventions between both are referenced in AS Film Studies study guide.

However, there are a couple of points I do not agree with. The first four points are what I have definitely observed within film, novel and comics, but the last two feel outdated as women protagonists and perspectives have definitely been present within the coming-of-age genre.

Following my own history and fascination with Japanese anime media, I was also intrigued by telling a coming-of-age story within a slice-of-life genre. My initial perception of the slice-of-life genre was a narrative set in the daily lives of mundane, normal people. However further research has led me to believe otherwise, as characteristics do not match my definition after reading the following article.

https://the-artifice.com/slice-of-life-anime/

The Artifice mentions that the slice of life genre is,

“...completely lacks any form of conventional dramatic structure; there is no goal driven by a conflict, and no act division led by buildup and catharsis.”

They continue to define features as to why the genre is well received within viewers, which are,

Relaxation: due to their lack of general action or tension, is perceived as soothing and relaxing in between demanding activity.

Characters: it focuses moreso on characters than external elements

Relatability: in the Artifice’s words, “...an opportunity to highlight the little things in life; things that within a grander narrative may be extremely insignificant, but which are nonetheless impactful to the average everyday person experiencing them. “

Initially I thought to include this within my exegesis. However, the lack of relevance to my overall project made me second guess that, hence why it is ommitted. Regardless, it was still an enlightening read.

In reflection to my new narrative, it was important for me to do some light reading on the themes the characters of the story was reflecting. As my graphic novel dips slightly into heavier issues, I did some light reading on said topics.

Priority on Grades

https://www.myview.co.nz/how-important-are-good-grades

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_parenting#:~:text=Chinese%20Confucian%20philosophy%20has%20traditionally,an%20overall%20superior%20academic%20performance.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247701487_Cultural_Values_Parents%27_Beliefs_and_Children%27s_Achievement_in_the_United_States_and_China

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/08/04/asian-students-carry-high-expectations-for-success/2615483/

Pretty Privilege

https://www.cxomedia.id/human-stories/20220203121001-74-173559/pretty-privilege-makes-our-life-easier

https://www.businessinsider.com/beautiful-people-make-more-money-2014-11#attractive-people-get-called-back-for-job-interviews-more-often-6

https://news.nd.edu/news/trophy-wife-stereotype-is-largely-a-myth-new-study-shows/

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122414536391

Religion on Toxic Positivity

https://kainosproject.com/2020/06/25/toxic-positivity/

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/15423050221090861?journalCode=pcca#:~:text=Toxic%20positivity%20is%20an%20exaggeration,out%20only%20to%20positive%20form.

All of which have been referenced within my critical commentary section.

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boozeforblues · 2 years

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This Man Is Using His Mind As A Weapon, And Woe Betide The Creature Who Steps Into His Garden

These days, we're all showing signs of getting older And I swear I can still feel you looking over my shoulder Every time I look at you, I know exactly what my life is missing And I can't stop myself from reminiscing About the good times, I can still see myself holding conversations with ghosts In the spots where we raised our glasses in toasts To never winding up where we are And every wasted wish upon a shooting star Fell to earth in predictable fashion Just like us, it led us to ration Our emotions like a pay-per-view gut spilling Everyone has their price when it comes to filling The void that few of us choose to acknowledge And I didn't need to graduate from college To know that my downhill is a steady decline From two lives that were once completely intertwined But you've put us in a spot where we're nothing more than strangers Our confessions are now just mere remainders Of a future almost realized In tragic form, I idealized Every part of you, but you played a role In leading me to the crosswalk to stroll Down memory lane, I prefer to crawl Or stumble, progress has a tendency to stall In my world, I'll gain momentum then halt Until I find the requisite amount of salt To rub in these still fresh wounds It's the way that we once swooned Over each other, but devoid of comprehension Your heart led your mouth with no dissension Sincerity is only present when it's drunk I stood idle while my confidence shrunk You led the firing squad to my confidential safe house Drawing parallels between myself and the mouse That claims free reign when we're nowhere to be found Timid and innocuous like the love that drowned Me with your willing assistance, protect yourself by any means Acting out the most convincing scenes To put me in my place, nothing goes unpunished And I kept telling you that funnest Wasn't a word, but merely a superlative And you answered me in the affirmative When I asked if there was truth to the rumors of your love For me, it's like I couldn't breathe when push came to shove And there's no break in these lines or your demeanor If you were looking to cut things off cleaner You came to the wrong place, I'm not one for painless Wandering through the proverbial desert like I'm aimless Until I find dirt suitable to cover the grave that I've dug And we both knew we couldn't sweep this under the rug As soon as we went from being mistaken as life Partners, boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife We've ignored the elephant in the room for long enough And its memory is deeper than our ability to bluff Our way through pretend proposals meant to elicit laughter And you brushed it off faster Than you could tell others that I knew you better Than you knew yourself, so steal my sweater And tell me that you slept in it next to the person you thought was your soulmate Because it made you feel safe, my letter serves as makeshift probate Take everything I wanted my life to give I'm in my own prison without a shiv To send me to the great beyond There's something innocently perfidious about how I conned Myself into thinking we could be what your subconscious told you was possible And here I assumed my deepest thoughts were inaudible Proven wrong once again, it's a total crapshoot And I can't counter your smoothness with brute Forcibly pinning this all on my inability To be content with the utmost tranquility That seems to visit every person who's not named Robert or Angie Fuck beating around the Bush, this is offering candy To the most innocent children, there are razors Hidden behind disingenuous smiles, ties, and blazers Lull us into the falsest sense of security I think I mentioned something about superlatives, call it maturity Making an appearance for the first time in forever It's both the dumbest and smartest endeavor I've ever embarked upon, I'm the captain who couldn't manage to circumnavigate His way around his own inner circle, so remunerate Me with obsolete currency, I'll take what I can get Finding every legitimate reason to fret Finding familiarity in these final lines It's high time we located our spines…

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anyu-blue · 3 years

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I wonder if I should develop the emoji that would encompass how I feel most of the time...

#personal #random #ignore me #life in general #apparently you can do custom emojis in discord somehow so it's not a stretch #even if i don't know how to do it atm I'm sure i can learn #i want ine with like... severe eyebags lol #just... so tired...#there's not really a time that goes by that im not learning something... and I'm learning a lot about myself #one thing is... sure. my music taste night not be what most people like... and it's hard for me to see #why people don't like what i do... but at the same time i understand how i hear or see them #is a lot different than most people i know... and this leads into my newest mote of confidence...#I am NOT deaf.. and in fact.. i can and do pick up problems based on things even I don't understand #that I'm hearing.. i figured out a water heater busted based on something SOUNDING different #it was completely subconscious. but it led me to it and THEN it made sense when i saw it #before that there was the furnace. i KNEW is sounded wrong. but the damn expert didn't LISTEN to me #and what happened? IT FUCKING BROKE LIKE I SAID IT WOULD... 🤬#a few months ago i knew the car started sounding different and pushed tevs to get it in and REALLY looked at #told her i thought it was the transmission... GUESS WHO'S GD RIGHT AND DOESN'T KNOW #IF THE POOR CAR WILL /MAKE/ IT TO THURSDAY????!!!#... i know my hearing isn't grear. especially in my right ear from the damage all those ear infections #caused when i was little... but even if i can't quiiiite hear exactly thw problem... or realize i am...#i can hear the subtle changes that tells me something is wrong... it's not a gut feeling...#i hear something... maybe thats also why Lon freaked me out so much sometimes though I was supposed to be safe #doesn't matter now but SERIOUSLY... I'm.. so tired.. of people telling me im crazy when i tell them #Something sounds off.. or good... or bad... i hear things and process them differently...#it would be nice if people listened to me in return...#*insert eye bags emoji*

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sibsteria · 2 years

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Editor to Editor

Spencer Agnew x fem!Reader

The office hummed with white noise, distant chatter and the scent of purified coffee. The passing by of equipment loaded trolleys and clipboards, crossed the scene.

Members of the crew, seated at their desktops, logging in and logging out, day to day. But to say this was a miserable time would be unjust and untrue.

Working under Mythical had become such a blessing, without its curse. As the beloved audience sometimes got the chance to look through the metaphorical windows, at the behind the scenes tomfoolery through their screens, through the livestreams.

A tour around the sets, the costuming, the editors.

Upon the latter, the fans had favourites but everyone was well-liked.

A frequented discussion, dragging through twitter threads or tumblr posts was the dynamic between Spencer and Y/n.

A yin and yang, they had layers, yet it all seemed so simple.

Y/n had been around for nine years, watching the comings and goings of cast and crew. Spencer had joined two years later, giving her the urge to hold her job even closer to her heart. Alike Spencer, Y/n does more than edit, such as guest appearances, hosting, even getting her ideas for videos on screen.

She was taken by Spencer, he had a sort of sedated wild card personality. She, a bubbly caregiver.

At first, it was a meaningless adoration, a schoolgirl crush.

As time passed and they became familiar, she fell into a deep realisation that maybe this feeling wasn’t going to pass.

After a couple of months shooting shy glances, which was a major contrast to her extroverted self, longing stares began to take the lead.

She found it completely natural being around him, as if all the awkwardness in the world just never existed.

He, to no surprise, had fallen down the hole of admiring her and subconsciously praising her every move. Almost drunk on the feeling of being around her.

It took a while for each to admit exactly what each other felt, but when they confronted it, it all made so much sense.

He was striking in his beauty and his nature, his conversations seemed like a calm tide, never racking her brain to the point of exhaustion.

The simplest of touches, drove them crazy. The subtle gliding of his padded fingertips across her exposed skin, a flirty expression. The gentle brushing of his rogue curls, straying from their place, she fixes them with care.

The shy and intimate, almost unsure eye contact, prolonged as an alternative to confessing their feelings.

Their heartbeats, accelerated, both fearing each other could hear the extent thumping out of their chests.

It took him, in the punch of a seconds deliberation, to push himself. He went for it. He kissed her. Spencer’s insecurities swimming and stabbing his brain as if they were needlepoint, his short lived bravery, for a second faltered. Until his logic and sense kicked in, she reciprocated. She was kissing him back just as hard, arguably even harder. Her hands wound around his tight rigged curls, urging to get as close as she could, fearing the moment could slip away as quick as it came.

His nose exhales heavily, the moment hadn’t passed, they both allowed it to settle into bliss. An unspoken understanding. The months, years of repression, culminating this singular moment. His hands found comfort on her flaming cheeks, a bold blush painting across her face, a beautiful renaissance.

He’s eager, leaning to the passion so much it had toppled her further onto the plush couch they were seated on. The velvet of his lips, connecting and moulding against her own, led her into a dizzy state of mind. They were both fuelling their healthy egos in a way that mellowed them.

They cancelled out each other’s toxic habits, their flaws equally accepted and adored.

They broke apart, unwillingly, her eyebrows softened at the pure sight of the man.

“I…” Spencer can’t find the words he’s looking for.

“I love you, seriously, it was only a matter of time until I just fucking kissed you myself. You drive me nuts.” Y/n gives him a coy smile.

“Me too.” He looks down, surprisingly shy. Y/n picks up her unoccupied hand, placing it on his arm, she traces his tattoos as a sign of comfort.

She sits herself up, pressing the sides of their noses together, giving him a small and chaste kiss. She takes her hands again, gently raking her fingernails against his scalp, for a second. She travels down, brushing through his soft, untamed hair.

Which brings us to the present.

The amount of fan edits created due to the suspected relationship of Spencer Agnew and Y/n L/n were endless.

The longing looks, edited to the best of the audio, the dragging touches.

They would soon come to publicise it, much to the public’s excitement.

It was euthanasia utopia.

#smosh games #smosh #smosh imagines #smosh x reader #spencer agnew #spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew imagine #spencer agnew imagines #smosh spencer x reader #smosh spencer imagine #smosh spencer imagines #smosh fanfiction #spencer agnew fanfiction #smosh spencer fanfiction

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thisdreamplace · 2 years

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Hello! How have you been? I hope you’ve been doing well :)

I’d like to share my current progress with you and anyone else if you share this if that’s okay, since I feel you were the one who was most influential to me when it comes to my manifesting journey. I love your advice so much it’s like gold and diamonds lol.

At the beginning of February, I started prioritizing myself and heavily engaging in self-love. I also implemented meditation into my daily routine with healing meditation music in the background. The meditation purely focused on I AM, being in the present moment, and loving myself unconditionally.

When Valentine’s Day came around I dedicated my valentine to.. Me.. and since the pandemic was pretty bad where I was living, I did a DIY valentine’s day for myself at home. Morning meditation, going out for a walk in my neighborhood while listening to upbeat music, enjoying a cup of tea, making myself a fancy dinner, taking a warm bath and relaxing, Self-care, cleaning and detoxing my room then watching a funny movie comfortably in bed afterwards, etc. It felt so nice for me. That day was just a “me” day and while everyone else may have a partner, I felt so comfortable with being on my own. Ever since I’ve started intensely focusing on myself, I’ve had a very huge mindset shift that makes me completely different from my past self. Before I found The Law, I went through a breakup which led me to reflect and heal. Then I came across The Law of Assumption on Tumblr. After learning about The Law, it made a lot of sense why my past was the way it is. Before my mindset shift, I was pessimistic, overthinking, anxious all the time, made negative assumptions about everything, came from a neglectful childhood, felt like the world was against me, depressed, I was even rebellious and toxic at one point etc. It was a dark and lonely past for me. So after taking this time to allow myself to heal, for the first time in forever I feel so free.

When unwanted circumstances show up in the 3D or when I get triggered, I am able to handle the situation in a much more calm, patient, relaxed, and mature way. The only reassurance I needed was myself, and from this journey I was able to self-reassure and rely on myself for support. I was shocked to be honest haha.. At one point I was confused because I thought “Wait, why am I feeling calm instead of panicking?” Because I would spiral and panic in the past when getting triggered by the 3D. I’m very proud of myself for the progress I made and it’s been a huge one.

I’ve also had the ability to manifest things much more effortlessly and instantly. I’ve built a self-concept around manifestation to where I can control simple everyday life things. When the power ran out, and my devices were on low battery.. I would simply set an intention and a few minutes the power would be back on again.

Things that I’ve manifested from prioritizing myself that I remember of

secretly help my parents get free parking space instantly + secretly manifested that they would park perfectly lmao

My dad forgot to fill his E-toll card for the highway, and I manifested that there was still money left.

productivity increase,

Instant replies from friends,

Extending online school + delaying a deadline for submitting

Manifested that my dad is safe and healthy from COVID-19 and that his results are negative so he can travel for work.

Able to manifest pain/discomfort away.

fixing broken objects

My best friend had a bad birthday, and I manifested that things will turn out amazing, and it did! She had an amazing birthday. 💓

Desired voice

Manifested my mom to have an amazing birthday because she deserves it for taking such good care of my family 💓

And so many more I probably forgot about lol

I can manifest instantly now by just setting an intention. Before this phase, I used to have so much trouble “commanding my subconscious mind” but wow, now it feels like I have superpowers. I can basically bend reality to my control now haha.. It’s so amazing. In the past I would only be able to consciously manifest 3 things a day, and now I can do 10+ a day.

Even though manifestation has been effortless to me, I still feel as if I need more time personally to heal. Even if I'm able to manifest so many things, I feel the need to heal more because I am a priority and I am worthy and deserving of freedom and love for myself. This month's progress has been incredible so far, and I definitely will continue to do this for a lifelong journey.

I'm extremely grateful that I came across you and manifesting at a young age (I'm 16 currently for those wondering). Everyday I feel so blessed to know how to manifest. Isn't it incredible we have this "cheat code" to life? Haha..

Out of this whole entire thing, my favorite development has been being able to be calm in undesirable situations or when getting triggered, and how I'm able to react in a calm way. "I choose love over fear." This has been the most impressive growth for me.

Things that helped me heal

Meditation (big time)

Journaling and getting real with my fears

Facing my fears in the 3D and practicing self reassurance

Self care

Healthy habits/routine

Mental diet/being aware of my inner conversations

Gratitude journaling and forgiveness

Self love affirmations

+ continued: Wow so sorry if this was long.. I wanted to share how I was doing and I couldn't have done it without you honestly. You've been such a big factor in my manifestation journey, and proof that you're an amazing advice giver is my journey here that I've shared lol. I'll maybe give updates in the future for more progress, but for now I want to continue my healing journey. 💓 Thank you so much @/thisdreamplace!

I LOVE THIS SM. its sooooo amazing n beautiful how far you’ve come 💞 thank u so much for sharing this as its truly so inspiring !! love how you know how to put yourself first, and do what feels best to you. truly so important and this is truly what this all brings us back to. you’ve truly grown so much and i loveeeee to see it 🥲 <3

#success

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