#it took me forever because I hate going back and reading my own writing most of the time

[bellamybellamyblake]

Violet Eyes, Red

Pairing:

rhysand x reader (pretty sure it's gender neutral - there might be a "she" i missed while referring to you from the original draft bc second person pov is not how i write)

Summary:

you and your mate reunite after feyre defeats amarantha and this is the fallout of what the bitch did to him.

Warnings:

aftermath of SA - i can't really tell if it's graphic which tells me it is, loose description of a panic attack, PTSD, please let me know if I missed anything. guys, please, if these topics are triggering for you, don't read this fic. i am not responsible for your media consumption, but i also don't want to throw you headfirst into your trauma.

Word Count:

2,140

A/N:

literally broke my own damn heart with this one. rhys' trauma is so ignored and that needed to be rectified. rhys might be my second favorite bat boy, but he's still a lil baby who needs to be protected

The human girl had beaten her - the woman of his nightmares - once and for all. At the first moment he could, Rhysand winnowed. After fifty years, he knew there was only one place he could go. After all, it was the last Sunday of the month, and that Sunday was the day he and his mate reserved just for themselves. The High Lord and Lady would not conduct any business on that day.

You'd spend most of your day on the balcony. You'd serenade him with the piano. You'd fly around Velaris - creating patterns in the air. You'd cradle each other in your arms. He'd sketch out a new drawing - trying and failing, in his opinion, to encapsulate your true beauty.

One day, he broke that promise, that vow you had made, and went to what he thought was a simple trade meeting. That morning was the last day he saw you, and he still couldn't live with himself.

Those memories alone kept him breathing at times. When Amarantha stole his bed, his body, his hope.

Then the human girl showed up, and he tried to help her. Wanted to give her what she needed to beat the beast he didn't think he'd ever escape. But he had lost the will to pray for it. To the cauldron, to the Mother Above. Despite his pessimism, she persevered. The girl had won. And then he was free.

He was on the balcony before he could even think about it. After a quick glance around, he realized it was empty. At first, he felt a pulse of disappointment, but with the realization of how long it'd been, he breathed deeply. How could he expect you to keep up the tradition? Fifty years of solitude on those Sundays would have made him mad if your roles were reversed.

At the thought, he allowed himself to feel the mating bond. It had gone cold the moment he winnowed away all those years ago, but now it was as beautiful as he remembered. The pull of another person at the end of a tether, forever binding them in the purest forms of fate.

But he heard your thoughts, and he almost broke down in sobs at the sound of your voice in his head. Please come home, my love. I don't know how to do this anymore. Please. The last word, you were begging. Your inner voice, the one he had to get used to living without, was broken. Pleading for him to return - despite everything you'd probably heard.

And with that, he took action, winnowing to every room in the house so he would find you as soon as possible. He knew you were close; your scent wasn't stale. It was fresh, clinging to every piece of furniture you owned together.

It was the last room he checked, his office, where he found you. You sat in his desk chair; the leather more worn than he remembered. But the sight of you stopped him from rushing to you. Nursing a bottle of wine, you slouched on your elbows, hands in your hair, as more thoughts streamed through the bond.

I'm losing myself, Rhys. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't let myself believe you won't come back because that- that will ruin me. What she's doing to you, what she's making you do. I don't even know a fraction of it, but I can't stop it. I- I can't protect you. And I hate myself for it. 

He was watching you as you sent the words down the bond, the bond that had been desolate for half a century. You run your hands down your face, not looking up from your wine, the third of many you planned to drown in.

Just get through it. Please just- just survive. Do what you have to do to come home. I'll be here. I love you. My mate.

You'd only allowed yourself to talk to him once a month. Initially, you would try to send him something every day. Thoughts, images, songs you'd learned, prayers for him. You never heard anything back, and it slowly started eating away at you. It shattered your hope every time you didn't get a response.

You'd heard the rumors, Amarantha's whore, he'd been called. Every time you heard it, it ate away at you more and more. As if he would choose that - choose to warm the bed of another when you were waiting for him at home. You knew him better than that, and you winced at the thought. He wouldn't choose it, but would she force him? Was she that much of a monster? 

You had to shake that thought away for the thousandth time that night, downing the rest of the glass. As you reach for the bottle, nearly empty at that point, a hand wraps around your wrist. The touch is gentle but firm - stopping you from drinking more, but not rough enough to hurt. Instead of startling at it, the wine slows your instincts. You can only stare. The tattoos on the dorsal side interweave into vines under the sleeve. Vines you know, vines that you've held, vines that have and will continue to have free rein of your body.

Faster than you thought you were capable of, your eyes flew to its owner's eyes. Violet. The most ravishing violet. Violet you'd feared you were forgetting.

With a new urgency, you pulled yourself to your feet, your hands flying up to his face without thinking. One on his cheek, the other on his neck, pushing, pulling, grabbing, unsure if it was your mind playing tricks on you.

In your desperate touch, you missed the way he flinched.

His hands. Mother Above, his beautiful hands were on your neck too, placed at the sides. When your mind would play you for a fool, it would never let you touch him, let alone allow him to reach you. But there he was, and you could feel him. You tugged at the bond, finally noticing it was warm and delicate and sweet and serene and everything you wished you knew how to describe. 

He breathed your name, barely a whisper. "I'm home, my darling. I'm home."

"You're here." The words barely escaped you, and you couldn't stop the tears. He didn't hesitate a moment, pulling you in for a frustratingly rare and fierce embrace. You clung to each other for dear life, tighter and tighter and tighter, like he'd disappear if you let him go. Frankly, you weren't convinced he wouldn't. "You're really here."

You stood like that for a while, holding each other, when he ultimately pulled away first. "Rh-Rhys, don't go-"

"I'm not," he promised, his voice raw, kissing your forehead. He took in every inch of your face. "I just wanted to look at you. My mate."

Since Rhys had been freed by the human girl, nothing had been normal. Not that you expected it to be, but you didn't anticipate just how awful a recovery for him would be. He couldn't share your bed, and you didn't mean that in a sexual manner. He couldn't sleep with anyone else in his room - if he had even been sleeping at all. He could barely stand to be touched. You knew he wanted to be able to let you, but every time you seemed to blink, he would flinch.

You had suspicions about what went on under the mountain, but you had no idea it would be so evil.

He stood before a cabinet, staring blankly into it, lost in a memory - a memory he'd been refusing to share. You understood why, but something in you told you that you needed to see. Not just for curiosity's sake but to know how to help him. Even if it was past your pay grade.

"Rhys," You called quietly for the second time. You didn't want to touch him, shock him back to reality. The fear of that setting him off more held you back. With a harsh and sudden breath, he fearfully glanced at you and around the room, forgetting where he was for a moment. "You're at home, Rhys. You came home."

"I'm sorry," He rasped, ignoring your words. His hands pulled at his hair, and you were nervous he'd start ripping it out. He backed away from you, so far away he was caught by the wall. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Your own formed at the sight of his tears, but you couldn't conjure up what he'd have to apologize for. "It's okay, honey, you're safe. It's okay."

"I didn't- I didn't want it. I swear on my life, I didn't want to."

You shook your head, not understanding. But you knew asking what he was apologizing for was the wrong thing to do. You could see it, the shame, the regret, the blame. "I know you didn't."

He squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face in his hands, and sank to the floor. He kept murmuring apologies, pleading for your forgiveness. "I betrayed you, you have to- you have to leave me."

His words shocked you, and now you were the one that flinched. "Rhysand, look at me." He visibly shrunk at the command, pulling his hands away from his face. "As far as I'm concerned, anything that happened...there...is the furthest thing from your fault. I know there are things you can't tell me, and that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready-"

"I can't!" He bellowed. "You'll never forgive-"

"Show me the memory." You demanded, your voice quiet but assertive. But you wouldn't push too hard if he was adamant about keeping you out. You knew. You knew. Based on the way he had been acting, what had happened. But you also knew he needed to show you. So someone, fucking someone, would tell him it was out of his control. He couldn't govern everything, even if he was the High Lord of the Night Court. The words hurt as they left your lips. "Because I can promise you that I will."

You weren't a daemati, but you could see him battling with himself. Debating, if showing you what really happened, would bury him deeper under the surface or pull him back up for air.

Eventually, he released a rare sob and a barely audible "Okay."

He showed you the first time, how he just laid there like a statue as her hands took everything for herself. Then, the fifth time, when she started demanding he respond, pretend he wanted it. Then, the eleventh time, when his body started reacting. Then, by the next time, he had stopped keeping count.

He showed you, whether he meant to or not, how he prayed for it to end, prayed for someone to rescue him.

How he had been praying for you.

With the confirmation of your theory, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying and failing to hold back the tears. The angry tears, wishing you could've been the one to rip her throat out. Tears that enraged you because that was not Tamlin's kill. Furious tears because that wasn't even your kill. Devastating tears because your mate not only had to play a character for so long, but he had to endure being called her whore. Like he had any fucking say. 

Overwhelming tears because your mate was in pain and there was shit all you could do about it.

"Can I touch you?" The question shocks him, but he nods without thinking, confused at the request. You slowly lift your hands to his cheeks, brushing away his tears with your thumbs. "There is nothing for me to forgive you for. I know you didn't want to do any of it."

"But I-"

"Bodies respond to stimulation whether it's wanted or not. It's how we work." You explained slowly and carefully, keeping direct eye contact. "You forget, sweetheart. I can hear your thoughts when you show me a memory."

"I've-" His voice caught, putting his hands on your wrists, rubbing them up and down your arms until they got hot. "I've been so scared. That it's still happening. That all of this is going to go away, that she's not really gone, that I'm not really here, and this is just another tactic-"

You shake your head, finally pulling yourself together to say what you've wanted to say for weeks. "I swear on my life that I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I will spend eternity protecting you from her and anyone like her. And if you forget that this is real, just ask me. I'll tell you."

His eyes darted between yours, furiously blinking. Violet eyes, red. Pleading craving begging praying.

"Is it?"

#acotar #acotar x reader #rhysand acotar #rhys acotar #rhysand x reader #rhys x reader #rhysand x you #rhysand x y/n #acomaf #acowar #acofas #rhysand #acotar fanfiction #acotar series #acotar fandom #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #acotar angst #tw: sa #tw: sa mention

[gyubaseone]

han yujin. intertwined

❛ no matter what, i'll be here for you ❜

pairings — han yujin x f!reader

genre — fluff, childhood friends to lovers

synopsis — highschool can be quite hectic but for these two, nothing could get in the way of their feelings.

warnings — none! third person pov, lowercase intended, not proof read thoroughly.

word count — 2,143

notes — i'm so sorry to pull the f!reader once again, i'm still getting used to writing with gn pronouns since i dont usually do imagines.. but i hope this was okay ! thank you for all the love on my gyuvin fic <3

★ ( please fill out this form to be on my taglist ) ❕

starting high school was hard, especially as someone who is perceived as quiet. but it was easier for y/n knowing that she had her childhood best friend, han yujin, by her side.

they had been friends since diapers basically, their families being close friends for years. every big life event, they went through it together. all the times y/n cried, he was there for her even if he never truly knew how to comfort her. he was always the bestest friend someone could ask for.

so why was there this envious feeling that pitted in y/n's stomach when he started getting caught up in school events and gaining more friends than her when they entered highschool?

she should be happy that he's fitting in, he deserved all the attention he got. han yujin was one of the most liked students in the grade. with his popularity, soccer and dance skills, and — of course his good looks ; who wouldn't want to be his friend?

but that envious feeling kept on coming back whenever he had to skip out on eating lunch with her because "the soccer team is going out to eat" or whenever he told her to go walk home alone since "his friends wanted to hang out".

she was happy for him, but the idea of him slowly slipping away from her grasp made her heart ache. because the truth was, y/n had a crush on yujin. she had been having those feelings for a while now, maybe before she even realized it.

he was always there to cheer her up and gradually became one of the only things she enjoyed about going to school. whenever he took her to buy snacks, when they played games together, when they went to the park together, and his smile. especially his smile.

y/n sat down in the library since she hadn't fully adjusted to being in the cafeteria. sure, she had made some friends — but she wouldn't call them her close friends. even so, she hated loud noises and the cafeteria was filled with them.

just about now, she expected that yujin would enter the room to tell her about any plans his soccer team had made up to get him off campus for the period which left her all by herself.

as she took a bite out of her triangle gimbap, looking up from her notebook — there he was. the dark-brown haired boy who had been able to swoon her without even knowing it, walking through the doors in a black t-shirt since he most likely just got out of gym.

"y/n!" yujin called out, waving his hand in the air as he jogged over to her, "sorry i'm late, the showers kept being hogged. i didn't want to stink up the library, y'know."

"uhm, i think i know?" y/n questioned her answer, she knew absolutely nothing about sports. "wait, so you're actually going to eat lunch with me today? surprised you don't have anything going on, you've been so popular recently."

"what can i say? i'm quite the catch," yujin shrugged his shoulders with such a smug look on his face, "and i cleared everything! i feel like i haven't seen you in forever, i missed you."

he missed her. han yujin missed her. why was she freaking out on the inside? it's not like they haven't had a conversation before. but it felt different, like his tone had changed from the last time they had spoken. "cool," was all y/n could mutter as she tried to cover her rosy-tinted cheeks with her lunch.

but just as y/n was lost in her own world, yujin had gotten a message on his phone. here it goes. "oh my gosh... y/n, i—" he attempted to speak up before y/n shut him down, already knowing what he was going to say.

"go, it's okay," y/n assured even though her heart was breaking little by little. he had friends, other friends than her. it's not like he could spend all his time with her, it was ridiculous. but why was there this feeling inside her that wished he did?

"i'm so sorry, gyuvin hyung broke his leg and now we have to go over the plays again before the game," yujin explained, getting up while stuffing his phone into his pocket, "you'll be at the game on saturday, right?"

"well, i have nothing else to do," y/n slightly smiled, attempting to relax her back from all the tension she felt, "i'll be there for sure."

"great, i'll see you later!" yujin waved at her as he started walking away before he slowly disappeared into the hallways.

y/n was more used to it now, and she would probably have to accept it at one point. yujin was moving on with his life, experiencing new things. high school is meant for new experiences and it seemed like yujin was going through many things.

what she didn't expect to see? him and one of the cheerleaders hitting it off after he scored the winning goal during the soccer game. oh, how she wanted to shout his name after seeing the way he rebounded the ball and got the last goal ; but then she saw him with her.

she never really tried to learn the names of the people surrounding her, another flaw y/n had. all y/n knew was that yujin was hugging her and that she was jealous? envious? oh, same thing.

and from that day on, y/n would attempt to distance herself from yujin as much as she could. it wasn't like he would notice right? he had all his soccer friends and that girl he hugged. can she give up on the girl already?

it's not like yujin was her property, he was his own person. maybe in a way, to let him flourish ; she had to find her own path without him. maybe, this was just her way of masking her feelings for him in a way where she wouldn't have to get hurt.

one thing y/n didn't think about was how yujin would react to this. all this time, she was in her own world overthinking every single little thing. her bestfriend, who knows her and could read her like a book, was upset to say the least.

he thought she was acting weird at first, but didn't think anything of it until it constantly kept happening. all she would do is greet him and suddenly walk off without saying anything else. it was unlike y/n, she would always be the brightest girl whenever he was around.

it was one of the things he liked most about her, her smile. the way her eyes became cresents like the moon whenever she smiled, her lips curving up and the way her nose scrunched up in the most beautiful way.

maybe there were many things he liked about her. yujin could probably go on a tangent about everything he liked about y/n, the reason he smiled so brightly. it was her. so there was no way it was all in his head that they could've possibly had a spark there, right?

so when yujin found the girl asleep in one of the classrooms after failing to study for her biology exam ; he knew what he had to do.

oh how yujin slowly regretted his decision. he didn't want to wake her up, seeing how peaceful and pretty she was when she slept even if she was drooling all over her textbook.

but he knew if he didn't do it now, he would probably be even more distanced from you and he did not want that one bit. so he did what he dreaded doing and woke up y/n from her nap.

"y/n... psst— wake up," he whispered softly, poking her shoulder in an attempt to wake her up but nothing, "there's free food in the cafeteria!"

"huh? free food?" y/n suddenly jolted awake, looking around the room in a daze before her eyes landed back on yujin, "oh... it was a lie, wasn't it?"

"yeah, i knew that would wake you up though," yujin let out a laugh, sitting down in the chair next to y/n, "i'll get you something after school, i just need to talk to you for a bit."

god, there was that smile again. the smile that could make all the problems in the world disappear. why did he have to be the one with it?

"yeah uh— what did you want to talk about?" y/n snapped out of her thoughts, shaking her head slightly before fixing up her hair, "is it important?"

"you could say that..." yujin fiddled with his fingers for a moment, hesitating for a moment, "i just.. i feel like we haven't talked in a while, is everything okay with you?"

"yeah... everything is fine," y/n nodded her head in assurance. no everything was not fine. but she couldn't say anything about him hugging a girl, that would just be crazy. "i've just been a little busy, that's all."

"are you sure?" yujin questioned once again, "i feel like i barely see you now, i missed you and talking to you.." gosh, there it was again. he always knew the words to say.

"yeah, i'm sure... everything is fine," y/n repeated once more, giving yujin a smile that made him feel fuzzy on the inside. she watched his shoulders suddenly become tense before speaking up, "is there something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"gosh, am i really going to do this now..." yujin looked to the side, taking a deep breath before searching for something in his pockets. "can you close your eyes for me?"

y/n looked at him confused before closing her eyes, feeling yujin's touch on her hand as he pulled it out and opened it up. right after, he placed something on her palm. "alright, you can open your eyes now."

this wasn't real right? this moment was just a figment of y/n's imagination. because why was yujin's nametag in her hand at this moment? she truely thought she was hallucinating, staring at the nametag with 한유진 embroidered on it.

"when we went to get our uniforms fitted, i had an extra nametag made.." yujin spoke in a shy tone, "and i just decided to... give it to you."

"so what does this mean?" y/n asked, wanting clarification for the sudden gift, "do you...?"

"oh so you're going to make me say it? the nametag was supposed to say it for me," yujin joked, hearing y/n's laugh that he loved so much, "fine, y/n... i like you, like a lot."

"that's better, i guess i like you too," y/n grinned, glancing at the sour look on yujin's face when she spoke, "i'm kidding! i like you a lot... and your smile too."

"truth is.. i thought you had a thing for that cheerleader you hugged on saturday," y/n admitted after all the time she spent hiding away, feeling a sense of relief after letting it out. "i was... jealous, okay? that's why i haven't talked to you."

"wow! i knew there was something behind it!" yujin pointed a finger at y/n like a little kid with his mouth gaping, "that's so silly... she's a senior, why would i date someone that much older than me. if anything, she gave me dating advice."

"oh.. yeah well— you've been so busy recently and i don't know what to think anymore!" y/n got off her chest, letting out a sigh after the long sentence she spoke without breathing.

"oh, now you wanna say all of these things? see, i can read you like a book, i knew it!" yujin clapped his hands at his knowledge of his best friend, laughing while y/n looked away out of embarrassment.

as y/n was looking away, she heard yujin's soft laughs slowly fade away before feeling him take a hold of her hand which made her look his way. gosh, he was looking at her with that cheekily smile again and those shining eyes.

"no matter what, i'll be here for you," yujin spoke sincerely, intertwining their hands together, "even if i can't spend time with you, i'm always here for anything you need. i'll drop anything for you."

"well..." y/n opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, leaving her with only one choice. she looked at her uniform, taking off her nametag from its spot and placing it onto yujin's other hand that wasn't holding her hand. "you better get me another one before i get scolded."

and that was it. or maybe, it was just the beginning? they're young, who knows where their relationship could go from there. kind of cute if you think about it, two students intertwined together. she fell for a smile that she gave.

© gyubaseone — please refrain from copying, translating, reposting, or claiming my work as your own.

#zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseonefics #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 imagines #zb1 imagine #han yujin #han yujin x reader #han yujin imagines #boys planet #boys planet imagine #gyubaseone #gyubaseone works. 🐰

[felony-bunny]

Malleus x non-gendered reader

Scenario: Malleus doesn’t understand how mc doesn’t fear him. He doesn’t know if they’re brave, dumb, or not afraid of death. Spoiler they’re all of the above.

Btw I’m on chapter 6 and have no clue what happens in the next chapter.

LETs GET INTO THIS MOFO

(I wrote this all forever ago but I thought that I could add more to make it better but I was wrong. For some reason this was so fucking difficult. This isn’t the first time I’ve done a oneshot too. I literally do not think that I could write anymore twst oneshots because of how bad this came out. I’m literally so sorry. You can read if you want but I hate this so so much. And also sorry for the wait.)

Most people feared Malleus’s strength. That’s what he was used too. He usually didn’t focus on people enough to care but you were different. He could understand how you weren’t scared before you know how he was but even after you found out you still called him by that silly nickname and acted the same towards him. Every once and awhile he tries to think of a reason for this.

1.) You are actually really stupid

2.) You’re some sort of narcissist and think you two are on the same level

3.) You have short term memory loss

4.) You’re stupidly brave

5.) You do not fear death

He crossed out 2 and 3 after hanging around you for a bit. But even after all the times you two have hung out he still hasn’t been able to understand how you work. One day his curiosity took over and he asked you outright.

“Child of Man?”

“Yea yea?” You absent mindedly replied as you balanced on some old bricks.

“Why don’t you seem to fear me? You have many reasons to be.”

Well standing on one wobbly brick you looked up at him “Why should I? It’s not like you’ve hurt or threatened me.”

Do you not realize how much of a threat he can be?

“Still…“

“Still what? Listen I get you’re pretty overpowered, like everyone wastes money on pulls for you in Gacha games kind of overpowered.”

Huh?

“But you’ve been nice to me and that’s all I really need to trust you.”

He didn’t like the next words that came out of his mouth but he needed to know

“Child of man, I could easily kill you. Do you know how much of a danger I could be to you if I chose to?”

You both stand there for a minute.

Did he mess up?

Did he bring up something you haven’t thought of and now you were scared?

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I mean if you ever did kill me it would suck but whatever.” You look down at the brick wobbling.

Did you just say whatever at the possibility of being fatally injured?

“Why don’t you value your own life?”

“Is that really a question? What about my life actually has value? I mean it’s not guaranteed that I’ll go back home or that I’ll be able to start a new life here and if I do go back let’s say three years later I’d have to go back to school and waste a shit load of time and money on it. Honestly there are millions of things that could go wrong. It’s pretty difficult just existing here and not knowing what’s going on at home but whatever.” You jump off the brick and continue walking “At the end I just have to believe that things will string together and I don’t have to worry.” You spin around to face him and smile.

You say the weirdest things but still enchant him every time. Your a brave idiot who doesn’t care about how badly things could end and just put it up to luck, but that made him love you.

He smiled “I see. My apologies that was a foolish question on my part.”

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst incorrect quotes #twst #twst wonderland #twst headcanons #twst mc #twst yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twst malleus #twisted wonderland malleus

[ave09]

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I really love your Harvey Dent fanfics (gk). They are really good, and basically, I've read the all! I was wondering if you could write a little something. Maybe the reader is in a relationship with Harvey and is the only one that can snap him out of being Harv? If not, that's totally okay, just wanted to shoot my shot! Thank you!

for sure

gk!harvey sent x wife!reader

note: i have been such a busy bee, and this has been sitting here forever, and i’m so sorry for the delay!

this is a bit rushed-but i kinda like it-also, peep the newsie reference in the end for any fansies reading this, i’m back in my newsie phase lol but enjoy some harvey!

— —

chaos had fallen upon gotham. 

wayne tower had fallen. 

the gotham knights had saved the day.

turner hayes was dead.

harvey dent was unaccounted for. 

you were sick with worry. you’d gone everywhere, and yet there had been no sign of him. did he even survive? you could only hope.

it had been two days since the incident. you continued your search. you were in the city from dawn til dusk in search for your missing husband. 

and yet found nothing.

it was a thursday night. you returned home late, dropping your bags at the door after entering your apartment. 

god how you hated it here. without harvey, everything felt empty, like there was no meaning to it anymore. harvey, despite his own flaws, was the light to your darkness, and you were drowning without him.

you entered the kitchen, ready for a tall glass of wine, but froze at the sight of a shadow lurking in the corner.

“hi doll.”

“harvey?”

the figure chuckled lightly, “not your harvey, but a version of him. it’s nice to meet you in person, it’s been a long time.”

you could only see half of his face, the right side hidden from view. 

but immediately knew something was wrong. mainly by the way he was speaking. sure, this harvey’s voice was already gravelly. but there was something different in how specific words were being pronounced. 

“step into the light.” 

he clicked his tongue. “tsk, tsk, tsk. i don’t think that’s the best idea right now.”

something was most definitely wrong.

“step into the light.” you reiterated, your voice firm. “i thought we could have a little conversation first, sweetheart.” 

sweetheart. that was harvey’s name for you. he used many, but, that was the one. and hearing this version of him say it irked you so much to the point that you exploded.

“godammit, let me see my husband’s face!” 

he seemed surprised by the sudden outburst. you half-expected him to taunt you more. but instead, he hesitatingly took a step forward. 

then another.

a scream tore through your throat at the sight. 

the flesh covering the right side of his face was melted, it could be compared to the wax of a candle. the side of his lip was gone, revealing his pearly whites and burnt gums. the mangled skin continued down to his neck, disappearing beneath his ruined suit. 

and then there was his eyes. those beautiful cerulean eyes used to match. and now, one was a milky white, disguising the beauty underneath.

it was horrific. 

tears sprung to your eyes immediately as your hands flew to cover your mouth, choking back sobs. 

“i told you it wasn’t the best idea..”

you let out shakey breathes, taking a step towards him. you stood before him now. glancing up, as though asking permission, slowly, he nodded, his eye never leaving you.

carefully, you lifted a trembling hand, your fingertips grazing over the mangled skin. the man flinched slightly.

“i-“

“it’s fine-“ 

but it wasn’t fine. nothing was fine.

you let out a shaky breath, letting your hand fall. 

“let me talk to him.”

the imposter harvey smirked a monstrous smirk, which was hardly even a smirk at all.

“no can do dearest,” 

“why not?”

“because,” he took a step closer, “i’m in control now. ya see, harv was in some serious shit, and now here i am. i saved his life—your welcome—“

“i want to talk to him-“

“nope-“

“goddammit—you’re going to ruin his life-“

“ruin? sweetheart, i’ve been saving him for years! jane tried to kill him—and our daughter—she’s been handled already-“

the blood on his coat—jane’s blood.

your head was spinning. all you wanted was to talk to your husband. “let me talk to him.” you repeated.

“yeah—how ‘bout no? ya see, that husband of yours kept me locked up for years. i ain’t doin’ that again.” 

you let out a shaky sigh. there has to be some way to get to him, the real him. 

“2007. a beach.” 

“what?”

“you wore a tux. and a stupid pink tie that i ended up loving so much.”

“what are you doing?”

“it was small, but cute,” 

“stop that.” 

he knew what you were doing now. you were trying to coax your harvey back into the light. he couldn’t allow it. 

“we danced, we laughed, it was the best day of my life.” 

harvey took a step back, engulfing himself in the darkness again, “goddammit woman, shut up-!”

“i have never been happier! then when i am with you!”

“i said shut up-“

“i promised that day that i’d be by your side and that i’d-“

“never leave.”

his voice was soft. fragile. broken.

tears stung your eyes. “harvey?” you murmured, unsure now of who she was truly speaking too. 

“it’s me.”

“oh my god-“ you took a step forward, engulfing him in a hug. but he pushed away, “no-no-stop-“

“harvey-“

“look at me-at this monster i’ve become-this-this thing in my head-its killin’ me-“

“listen to me-“

“i can’t stay here. i can’t.”

“then we leave.” 

he was taken aback. “what?” 

“we leave,” you repeated, “we leave gotham-we run-i don’t know where-but we just go-“

“i can’t ask that of you. you have a whole life here.”

“you are my life, harvey. and anywhere you go, i’ll be there by your side.”

he was silent for a moment—before smiling—as much as he could.

“for sure?”

“for sure.”

#harvey dent x reader #gk!harvey dent x reader #gotham knights #misha collins #misha collins x reader

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

WC: Around 9k (I'm so sorry I literally couldn't stop writing OR you're most welcome!

A/N: Holy flippin' shit balls. This took me forever to write! And I'm super sick of reading and editing it.

Anyway, I really hope you all like it! Thanks for reading!

NSFW 🔞 🔞 🔞. Sanemi x Giyū x Reader (y/n).

Sanemi is kind of an asshole but sexy as f. Tomioka is kinda fun/funny.

~~~WHOSE PLACE?

It was November, and the air was already turning cold in the Japan countryside. Today's training had been a particularly rough assembly. The Wind and Water Hashira bearing down upon you all the wisdom of the old ways. It was so exhausting. You thought the training would never end.

Finally, Tomioka and Shinazugawa agreed it was time to end this meeting. You were shocked at their mutual decision to stop for the day. They hate each other. And it wasn't like them to cut things short, but you had been out there since 4 am. Even the strong have to sleep, you figured.

You head for the co-ed shower, about 10 minutes away. It crosses your mind that there may be others there tonight after the intense training. But you're so desperate for some relief from the pain emanating from nearly every muscle in your overworked body that you shake the thought off and continue on.

You arrive at the bath house just as the sun is getting ready to set. No lights had been turned on yet, but you didn't care. There was something so serene about showering in near darkness. Removing your uniform, you glance around looking for any signs of other people - especially Hashira - in the house with you. You saw and heard nothing, sure you were alone and could proceed without modesty.

You stood there, mindlessly absorbing the heat from the hot water dripping onto your tired and battered body. A noise. The door opening? "Heh- hello?" You asked. Feeling like an idiot for standing in the dark all by yourself and asking who was out there. Not that you couldn't handle yourself, should the situation arise. But you were damn tired and not in the mood for any drama.

"Hiii y/n! It's just me!" A sweet voice answered back to you. "Oh, Mitsuri! I'm in the back left corner." You couldn't hear her light footsteps as she approached you. But then you saw her gorgeous green eyes and lush skin glowing in what was left of the golden sun's rays as she rounded the corner. "Oh ..." You let out a little squeak. "Oh dear, y/n. I'm sorry, is this uncomfortable for you?" You felt yourself turn an unnatural shade of red as you twisted your right leg around so your foot was resting on your painted toes. "Really, I can shower another time if this doesn't sit well with you, y/n."

Mitsuri was a godess. You wouldn't exactly say you were attracted to her. But she was, through and through, a beautiful person. "Noo! It's fine that you're in here. Of course, it's fine. I don't think I could ask anyone to leave, even if I was uncomfortable. It's a public shower space. If I don't like it, then I should shower in the privacy of my own room. But the water is just so much hotter here," you both laughed at the sad truth of this. It's like the Corp wanted its members to intermingle.

"Oh, yay! I always enjoy your company, y/n. May I braid your hair after we shower?" You had a difficult time telling her no when you weren't exhausted. But trying to deny her something she genuinely enjoys. Tonight? Uh-uh. She was going to braid your hair if you were conscious or not. And somehow, that wasn't at all weird to you.

"There you go, y/n! You look so pretty ... eeeee!" Was this woman ever not giddy? You admired her exuberance. You both got your robes on and headed back to your rooms. "Thank you for braiding my hair so beautifully, Mitsuri. I love it! Are you going to be back at it tomorrow?" She wasn't participating in the training this week because she was assigned a mission in a nearby village. "Yes, I will be there for 3 days. But it's ok, I do the village girls' hair in my downtime. It's so much fun!"

She turned to hug you goodnight, and you couldn't help but melt into her touch. You were so tired and she was ridiculously warm and soft. And she smelled fucking delicious. Like vanilla, cinnamon, and sugar in melted butter. She was a walking cinnamon roll.

"Now, I know that Giyū and Sanemi can let their own turmoil get in the way of teaching you new slayers how things are done. But just know that if it boiled down to it, they'd both lay down their lives for any one of you. Especially you." Her eyes got bigger, "Have you noticed how they both look at you, y/n?" She winked and blew you a kiss as she pushed her door closed.

"I have a cavity from how sweet she frickin' is," you quietly said to yourself. You had just stepped up onto the wooden pathway that was built for the wet weather months. It looked like it'd been there for hundreds of years. You followed that as it led you between several of the buildings, headed to the one your room was in.

The night had gotten even colder since you said goodnight to Mitsuri. You wore nothing under your robe. Nor did you dry your hair before Mitsuri braided it. Shivering, you began looking around for any sign of movement. You were fairly confident that it was late enough, and no one would be out to see what you were about to do. It would be ok to do this.

Hastily, you pulled open your robe, and you were completely exposing your front. It wasn't as if you were parading around like this. You were making a mild adjustment, so you could be a bit warmer on your walk home.

You began to straighten your robe out at your sides. Looking down at your front, preparing to wrap it tightly around your shivering frame. You turned a corner right as Tomioka came from the other direction. You smashed your naked body into him. A Hashira.

"Ho-mi-god," he whispered. You let out a small yelp. As you jumped back, you tripped over the edge of the pathway. You landed ass first in a huge mud puddle that was more mud than water, and to make matters worse, you continued to topple in reverse so the back of your head smacked into the drier area of the ground. The braids Mitsuri gifted you not thick enough to cushion any of the blow. You were still exposed as you sat there. You were trying to come to some conclusion about what just happened here. But it didn't stop at you and your ass smooshing into the mud.

You were seeing stars. Or was that just Tomioka standing over you?

"Oh god, oh my god," he stuttered. "Are you ok?" His normally monotone voice was rich with concern. You sat up on an elbow while your other arm tenderly rubbed the knot that was already forming on the back of your head.

"OW! Mitsuri JUST did my hair!" You whined. You didn't mean to say it like that. But Jesus, the impact was so hard that your head is pounding in pain. Tomioka jumped off the raised walkway and went to help you. He was getting flustered at your laying there. And it was hard for him pretending to be oblivious to your tits and cunt on display. "Tell ... uh ... you, no me ... FUCK! I'll tell you what you want - I mean you tell me what you want and I'll tell you what I need ... Goddamn it!"

"How hard did I hit my head?" You asked. "Is this me who's not understanding? Or are you having some sort of malfunction?" He managed to compose himself enough to say it one more time. Correctly. "Tell me what you need here." He sounded even more serious right now. "How can I help yoooohhh sshhhhit! Whoa-whoa-ohhh!" He completely lost his footing and slipped, landing right on top of you between your spread and anchored legs. His face fell into your tits. He just let his head sink into you, "I'm sorry."

You had such a hold on where your ass had planted itself that when he landed on you, you didn't slide back. So you felt the impact of his body slamming into yours. All. Of. It. You looked at him as he lay there, turned on, and humiliated for being in such a state over this. Over you. You began to giggle. But that soon turned to raw arousal as you realized his dick was pressing into you. Granted, there was a layer or two of cloth restricting its access to your warmth. No, this wasn't funny anymore.

Tomioka wasn't the slightest bit amused by this, either. You had a feeling it was for a different reason than being so close to one another that it wouldn't take much at all for him to just slip right into you. Agitated, he started to push himself up off of you. He slipped even harder than before. This time, it was his mouth that met with yours, and he let out a low moan. His stiff cock even more apparent, pressing into you. You almost died of emptiness.

Though, how awkward, this position you two were in. He's lying - Giyū fucking Tomioka is lying on top of me. Between my legs, hard as fuck. And he just kissed me, you thought. You were doing every single thing within your power to not grab him by the length of his hair and kiss him back. Well, sorta. But he wanted to fuck. And you wanted to fuck. You knew this much was true.

Footsteps. Someone is coming, and they're going to find you, and Tomioka, sunnyside up. "What the hell is all this racket out he-." Sanemi stopped dead in his tracks. His skin turned even more white than it usually was. One more second passed that felt like an eternity, and he began laughing at the two of you. Doubled over laughing.

"You idiots," he bellowed. "Sure, y/n's fuckable, Tomioka. But show some restraint for Christ's sake. You're in a mud hole. She's a new member of the corp." He laughed even harder at his observation. "Master is going to just love this! The king of abstinence was found dry humping a new recruit in the mud. Oh fuck. You can't make this shit up." He bent over laughing at the crack he made at Tomioka's expense.

"Shinazugawa, quit being an asshole and help us." He folded his muscular arms over his chest and said down to Tomioka, "Ah ah ahhh. That's no way to talk to the man who's going to save not only your ass but your little girlfriends, too."

Girlfriend? Your body was gushing at the idea of being Tomioka's girl. He was so sexy with his stoic demeanor, dark hair framing his face and his deep blue eyes behind all of that. Watching him closely for any reaction he might let slip, you shifted beneath Tomioka so your cunt was lined right up with the tip of his dick. Still just as hard as before, if not harder.

"Sanemi! At the very least, would you help. y/n? Please?" You could feel Tomioka's muscles relaxing and contracting against your body as he moved around on top of you. Could he feel how hot your cunt was through his uniform? And what about the accidental kiss? Did that even count as a kiss? Yes. You decided. It was a kiss. Albeit, a fluke. But oh god, his lips were so soft and warm against yours in the cold night air. You were pissed Shinazugawa showed up.

"C'mere, dumbass." He said, reaching both arms out to you, and then he was completely taken aback at the sight of your blatant frontal nudity. The robe was a matted clump of silk at this point. Even if you didn't want him to see you this way, there was little you could do about it right now. "You ... you're totally. Well, hot damn, y/n. Not bad, not bad at all. Anyway, don't get any wise ideas about pulling me in there with you. I don't have time for your shit." You grabbed hold of his hands. They were so much bigger than yours. And rough. It excited you to be able to touch both of these men like this. On the same night, no less.

Sanemi Shinazugawa, you thought, was too tough for his own good. He was always a prick. Acting like he couldn't stand a single person at the Corp. You never got the breakdown about why he was always so closed off. But you did know that he has lost a lot, and he has a younger brother somewhere around here. Who's just as angry and closed off as he is.

You found yourself feeling sorry for him sometimes. But all it would take was for him to make some off-color remarks, and you were brought back to reality about who he was and how he showed that to others.

"Y/n? Hello? Are you just going to stand in front of me ... all naked and shit? ..." Sanemi seemed to hesitate when he was asking you this. Like he wanted you to stand there naked. His already deep voice lowering even more, "Here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked you while pulling your robe closed around you. You were so captivated by his presence that it wasn't even a shock to your system to be embraced by cold mud. It had also taken you a minute to process that you'd been pulled up from the ground, back onto the steadiness of the raised wooden walk and really, very close to him.

"I hit my head pretty hard. But I should be -" You stopped talking and reached back to feel the knot forming larger underneath your gross hair. "Ahhh ... it's pretty painful, actually. Do you think I should see Shinobu about this?"

Tomioka scrambled to his feet, still sliding every way possible. You reached your hand out to get him on the wooden walk. He gently took hold of your wrist, wrapping his fingers around it. He said, "Shinazugawa, hold y/n so I don't pull her back into this shit." Sanemi wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him. "Mmmughnn" was the noise your stupid body made when he touched you. Really. Could it have been any other sound. Jesus.

He was so fucking hot. Temperature wise and otherwise. You could feel his thick legs through your filthy robe. The filthy robe ... "Oh, oh shit. Master Shinazugawa? You ... well, your pants are ..." You said quietly, in complete fear (and prayer) that he'd get down on one knee, bend you over the other, and start relentlessly beating your bare ass. "I know, I know." He said, his lips pressed to the top of your wet hair.

"Come. ON. Tomioka!" Sanemi snapped at him. With a final pull, Giyū was up on the platform with the two of you. Dripping brown water from every part of his person. He squeezed his hair out and took off his haori. You gasped a little too loudly when you saw how his uniform clung to him. Trying to cover the new stupid noise your body surprised you with, by telling a little lie, "Well, gentleman, I'm freezing and dirty. So, I'm heading back to the showers. Good night Master Tomioka, Master Shinazugawa. Please, if you don't see me at training tomorrow, come retrace my steps and look for me to be unconscious out here. I don't think I hit my head that hard, but let's err on the side of caution, hmm?" You bowed to them both and started into the night. Slipping occasionally as the mud between your toes was walked off.

Giyū looked at Sanemi. They were both in need of a bath. But recently, in the Hashira House, there had been some plumbing issues.. And that meant no hot water. This normally wasn't a big deal for these two Hashira. But it was rather cold tonight, and they were concerned for your well-being. At least Tomioka was. Though Shinazugawa would never admit it, he was growing quite fond of you. The way your hair smelled when he was holding you to pull Tomioka up made his dick hard instantly. He had you back against his left leg, where he only half hoped you wouldn't notice the flood of heat and pressure against your cushiony little ass.

"Goddamn it ..." Sanemi said in response to the look on Giyū's face. "Well, you go, or I go. I'm not going to hold your hand and skip all the way to the bath house. Besides, I can tolerate the cold water better than you." Sanemi was stopped short as Giyū pushed him down into the mud. Tomioka's lips formed what almost appeared to be a smile. "See you there. Or not, asshole."

In each hand, Sanemi picked up huge clumps of mud and hurled them at Tomioka's back. They stuck to him with a smack. Tomioka stopped but didn't turn around. "You. Didn't." Sanemi huffed, "Oh ... yes ... I motherfucking did." He sounded like an insane person. And when Tomioka turned around to face him, he looked like one, too.

Tomioka sat his katana down and slowly made his way over to where Shinazugawa was leaning back on his hands, legs outstretched before him. He asked, "What are you gonna do about it?" Giyū let out a low chuckle before he leaped through the air, pummeling right into Sanemi's chest and knocking the air out of him.

Sanemi laughed maniacally as he engaged in the wrestling match Tomioka started with him. The two men were writhing over each other's wet and mud covered bodies. Pretty soon, neither one was sure if their hard cocks were a lingering side effect from you or if it was the constant stimulation from grinding around on each other.

You got to the bath house and started to take your once beautiful braids out. "Stupid last week's storm. Stupid me trying to adjust my robe in the stupid cold. Stupid ... stupid ... Tomioka is so fucking sexy. And Sanemi is like a demon trapped in a man's body. Stupid mud and ..."

You stopped bitching to yourself and dug frantically through your hair. It's not as though you had a lot of it. So what you were looking for shouldn't have been that hard to find. "No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo! Where is it!? FUCK!" You spun around and looked on the floor of the bath house. "Oh, great. Just great. This can't be happening. I haven't slept for almost 17 hours. There's more training tomorrow morning. And I have to go back and find it. I'm NOT going in just this robe again."

You started looking through the cupboards around the edge of the dressing space. "You can't be ... right. The extra uniforms haven't been washed yet. This day," you exhaled heavily with frustration and made sure you were well wrapped despite the sludge that settled into the delicate fabric.

You were almost back to the place where you fell. You heard voices. They weren't quite yelling, but they were loud enough that it was an inappropriate volume for this time of night. You gasped slightly at the sight of two men rolling around on top of each other as you rounded the corner. You saw Tomioka and Shinazugawa in what looked to be a rather intimate embrace.

Sanemi was straddling Tomioka's chest, pinning his arms above his head, just inches from his face. "Why is your kirei little cock so hard, Tomioka?" Sanemi laughed out . "You - oh my god. It all makes sense now. You love me! That's why we're stuck training those baby slayers together. You ASKED the Master for it!"

"Huhmmm? Did you hear something, kirei cock?" Shinazugawa paused his half-assed attack on Tomioka and raised up to look around. "Who the fuck is there?" He asked. He'd have been more intimidating if you didn't already know his tendencies. There was more playfulness in his tone than violence. You'd enjoy a taste of both, though.

"I said, who the hell is slinkin' around out there, show your -" You came out with your hands put up in front of your body. "Calm yourself, Sanemi, it's just me." You looked at both of them, Tomioka's uniform sucked to his body except where the protrusion in his pants was. Same with Shinazugawa. He was only wearing pants, but it was obvious he was feeling rutty.

It was becoming almost painful to see these beautiful men before you. Covered in mud and water. And if sex were a palpable element, they'd be drowning in it. "First of fucking all, you will address me as Master Shinazugawa, y/n ... but what, why are you back here? Was there a hair on your cunt Tomioka DIDN'T get to see?" You rolled your eyes and shifted the weight from your left ass cheek to the right. "No, MASTER SHINAZUGAWA," you said sarcastically. "I lost something very special to me, and the last place I had it was here."

"Your dignity?" Sanemi snapped back at you and then lowered his head, laughing way too hard at his retort. Tomioka looked at you with earnest eyes. "Sanemi, I literally hate everything about you." He stopped laughing and looked up at the both of you. "Aw, is kirei cock upset? You weren't complaining when you were dry humping my leg 3 minutes ago! Stop being such a little bitch, Giyū."

If you weren't so upset about losing the jade kanzashi your great great grandmother gave you, you'd have ripped your robe off and laid in the mud. Demanding both men to tear into your flesh. But it was an important family heirloom, and you were not putting carnal urges before finding this.

"Master Shinazugawa, I lost a jade hairpin that has been passed down through my family for many generations. I'm really hoping it's out here. I looked in the bath house, but it wasn't there. So, I've returned to look over these grounds." You bowed to him. Why the hell did you just sound so formal and official, you wondered. Tomioka helped you step down to the muddy area where the two of you lay, not long ago. You let go of his hand, smiling at him gently before you did. He was blushing. It truly was an adorable look on him.

"Sorry," Tomioka said. You looked at him with furrowed brows. "What's wrong, Master Tomio-" he put a hand up to silence you. "You can call me Giyū if you're comfortable with that." This time, you blushed. "Ok, Tomi - ... Giyū. Thank you for your help."

Sanemi pushed through between you and Tomioka. "Are you two done with your passionate, passionate kisses yet? What are we looking for again? Wanna bet I find it first? C'mon, why aren't you lazy asses doing anything?" He stood in partial brightness from the floodlights on the surrounding buildings. "I don't even really care ab - aww, fuck."

"Sanemi," Tomioka wryly asked. "Are you ok?" Sanemi awkwardly made his way to the walkway and sat down, lifting his right foot to the top of his left knee. "You think?" Sanemi grumbled back. You walked over to where he was sitting and looked at his sole. "Ho-lee shit." You whispered. "You found it, Master!" You reached down and yanked it from the arch of his foot. He seemed unphased by the abrupt removal of the foreign object from his body. You were wildly turned on by his lack of reaction to what you imagined would be quite painful.

"Can you walk?" You asked. "Of course I can walk. My foot didn't fall off, y/n." You glared back at him but decided to change your tune. He did find your kanzashi, after all. So, you bowed to him. Twice.

As you were coming up the second time, you looked down. "Goddamn thing," your shoulders sunk as you noticed your robe was splayed open just below the rounded bottom of your breasts. "My turn for a show now?" Sanemi quipped.

"I ... I ..." You wanted to say yes. You wanted to rip the garbage robe that wouldn't stay closed off of your body and set it on fire from the friction of the 3 of you thrashing around on top of it. Tomioka spoke up, "I guess I'm going to my room now. This mud has started to solidify in ... places. I'll see you both at training in the morning. He shot a drunken and knowing look to Sanemi.

You wanted to stop him from leaving. You wanted to spend more time with both men. They were still very alluring. Muddy or not. "May - ... maybe we could ... sh - " Jussstt say it! Your gut yelled at you. Mmm, was it, though? Was it your gut? Or something a little lower?

"Are you suggesting, y/n, that the 3 of us proceed to the showers? Together?" Tomioka said it. Breathe y/n, breathe, or you'll die only having the fantasy of showering and doing God's know what with these two impossibly dreamy Hashira. "Iiii mean ... if you and ..." You trailed off looking at Shinazugawa in all of his shirtless glory. His white hair caked thick in mud. Dirty water spots dried on his bare chest and pants.

"Fuck it." Sanemi stood up. Paying no heed to his injured foot. "I could go for a hot shower." He looked back and forth between you and Tomioka a couple of times and started to walk away. You and Giyū exchanged looks. Both sets of your eyebrows raised in morbid curiosity. "Does it hurt? Your foot?" You asked after Sanemi. He laughed out an almost sinister sound. "What the hell do you care? I've had far worse happen to me, y/n."

He was sort of disappearing into the night. Tomioka cleared his throat, "AHEM. Soo ... I guess ... goodnight, then? Heh ..." You were sad to hear this. But what could you do? Tell him no? That you wanted to be fucked by both of them? "I was ho- ... I mean, if you guys, well, yes. Goodnight, Master Tomioka."

You both headed off in different directions. But you would be damned if you didn't get some sort of attention thrown down on that persistent want between your legs. And release. God's, you needed a release. At this point, sleep was the last thing on your mind. So, you took a different way to the bath house where you were hoping to avoid everyone and to find a very naked and very sexually charged Sanemi.

In passing the buildings, you tried to stay in the dark blankets of where the lights didn't touch. You were almost there. You could see the steam coming from the rooftop. "Ohh y/n. Are you actually doing this right now. What the hell are you doing. Is this ... shit. Is this allowed? Did anyone go over the rules here? Can we fuck the Hashira? Do I care? Mmm, not really. Ok, y/n. Stop talking to yourself and go inside. C'mon. You've made it this far. GO."

You quietly pulled aside the bath house door and took tiny steps inside. You heard voices. What the fuck? You thought it was just Sanemi in this shack. Maybe he was just telling himself what a tough guy he was, hobbling all the way here on a hurt foot. "That's gotta be it," you whispered to yourself. Inhaling, trying to be the bravest you've ever been, you dropped the malfunctioning robe that had fucked with your night so much on the floor, and headed towards the sound of running water.

What you saw next made your insides clench against other insides and your cunt pulse with urgency. Your nipples hardened as soon as you saw it. You bit down hard on your lower lip in frustration, shock, and in pleasure, "Ffffuhhh ... I'm the luckiest person alive, right now." You inhaled the words, then let them fall silently as you let go of that breath. Afraid you'd break the spell you'd happened upon.

Sanemi stood with his back to you, blocking almost all of someone else's identity from your sight. He leaned over them, caressing their body and pressing his cock into them with a sweetness you'd never seen. Hell, you'd never imagined Sanemi Shinazugawa could do anything gently. Let alone semi public intimacy. He wasn't fucking this person, but his hard dick was testing around their flesh. The other person's hands, pulling at his white hair to bring their mouths together, was going to give you an aneurysm.

"Why do you think -- ahh, ahh shit, God's, you feel so good -- y/n didn't come tonight?"

OH. MY. FUCKIN'. GOD.

You about toppled over when you heard whose voice it was speaking back to Sanemi.

He answered while brushing their hair away from their neck and shoulders, in between kissing and biting them.

"I don't know, maybe she is too embarrassed to be with the both of us, at the same time. Turn around and put your arms up against the wall. Here, like this." Sanemi, still standing over them, began to guide his company's arms up the sleek marble walls. With his right hand, he began tracing back down the outline of their muscles, his left hand taking up the base of his cock. He started rubbing himself slowly. Slower than you'd ever imagined he could. Everything about this man screamed impatience. Sometimes violence. But not right now.

You were still watching intently from the cover of darkness. The ease of their movements together made you incredibly wet. You were amazed that you've managed enough self-restraint to not barge in on this beautiful scene unfolding before your spying eyes. You start to become more aware of the sticky, warm wetness flowing from between your thighs. Giving yourself only trace amounts of pleasure to drag this experience out.

Sanemi's secret paramour was still doing as they were told, occasionally letting stifled moans roll from their lips. Then Sanemi turned them around to face him once again. "You're being so good for me right now. If only y/n was here to see how well you follow my directions. Now, what should I make you do for me next?" Your head fell forward and hung when he said this to his partner. You had never been so fucking turned on.

Should you show yourself? They've both brought you up. So that means they both want you to join them. Right? You were so close to making yourself cum. It almost seems like a wasted orgasm to bring it about solo when these two beautiful specimens were mere feet away.

You decided to play a different game. You took both of your hands off of your body and hung them at your sides. You were NOT going to cum at the persuasions of your own fingers tonight.

The other voice spoke up, "Should we send a crow for y/n, or no? They said they were going to bed." Sanemi stopped to think about this for a minute before answering. "Y/n went to bed?" What was the change in his tone there. Your heart started beating harder than it was before. He stepped away from the other person, exposing the entirety of their wet and naked body.

This is it, you thought. This is how I die. I'm going to spontaneously combust. And then they're going to laugh at me because my hand is going to be glued to my -. You didn't want to finish the sentence. You were wasting time imagining your death when you could be getting fucked every which way but Sunday. Hell, probably even Sunday.

The two in the shower started speaking so quietly that you couldn't catch a single word of their conversation. And then Sanemi spoke up, breaking the silence. "I guess I should turn in, got'n early morning tomorrow. Same time tomorrow." He said. And he wasn't asking. He turned around, "You better fucking be here, kirei cock."

Were they going home? Have you missed your chance? You would literally regret this until the day your soul left your body. Why couldn't you just force yourself out into the showers? They were talking about you while they practically swallowed each other.

Yes.

You were going to do this.

You took a deep, deep breath. Loosened your stance, and -

"Gotcha!" It all happened in a blur as arms grabbed at you from different directions. "Wait ... st - ... hey, hold on!" You shouted as Sanemi and Giyū carried you into the dim lighting of the showers. Sitting you under the flow of the hot water.

"What, weh, what are the chances we'd all be he-" You started. Giyū had a slight smirk on his face. But was he smiling about what had just happened with Sanemi? Or was he smiling because you are now out of hiding?

Sanemi did not seem as amused, but you've seen him angrier than this. "Cut the shit, y/n. We knew you were standing there. Watching us." Your face was starting to burn up. "You ... did? You swallowed hard, looking to Giyū to offer up some sort of salvation for you. He shrugged his shoulders. He must not be too keen to piss Sanemi off, either.

You were finally the center of attention, and it's what you always wanted from these two. Or so you thought. "So, y/n. Why were you watching us? Do you make a habit of watching other people fuck?"

You opened your mouth to answer Sanemi but luckily, Giyū interrupted what was sure to be a ridiculous defense from you. "Did you um, did you like - I mean, do you enjoy watching? Us?" You stood up and rubbed the grate mark imprinted in your ass. "Whhhyyy?" Squinting your eyes you tried calling his bluff. But Sanemi was losing patience. No big surprise, there.

"Oh for fucks sake, children. Can we just get to this already? You two, kiss. I want to see tongues and spit strings. I want to hear moans, heavy breathing and skin slapping. " He waved his hands above his head like he was trying to shake off spiderwebs.

Your eyes met Tomioka's, and you saw that he was already looking at you. His eyes were heavy with lust. You noticed his cock jump a little. He was starting to get hard again. "What the fuck is this, middle school?" Sanemi belted out at you both. Against your better judgment, you laughed. "What the hell kind of school did you go to?" Tomioka even chuckled at your question.

"Do I have to do everything around this place? Y/n ... get your ass over here," Sanemi clapped at you like you were some kind of animal. If you were being honest, you would enjoy him telling you what to do. You walked over to him slowly. The friction between your legs reminds you of your goal before you were caught.

"Now, get down on your -" Sanemi was cut short by Tomioka pulling you from his grasp. He took you by the waist and pressed the front of your body into the cold marble. "Hahh ... cold. Sorry." Your body quickly adjusted to the temperature, and you stood there. Waiting.

You felt a thick heat slip through your thighs, and your brows turned in. "Don't. Apologize." Tomioka said heavily into your ear. Your chest was almost heaving at this point. All the joking and laughing subsided because this was not about playing games anymore. This was for keeps. "Yes, Gi - yes, Master. If you don't want me to apologize, what do you want from me?"

This made him crazy. Sure, he's been with others and Sanemi. But Sanemi is a self-indulgent asshole who gets off on bringing him just to the edge of his mercy, only to send him right back to the beginning.

"What do you want, Tomioka-sama?" You could feel him growing between your legs. Breathlessly, you almost beg him. "Teh- tell me, Giyū." The way you said his name was nearing too much for him. He began driving himself up, getting even closer to your entrance. "He wants your cunt. Just like he wanted it when you were tits up in the mud earlier."

Tomioka slowed himself at the sound of the other man's voice. Not yet completely discouraged by Sanemi, he slid your arms up the wall and held both of your wrists with his left hand. His right hand started training its way across your shoulders down to your stomach, where he barely put any effort into touching you. But the feelings and the warmth he was eliciting from between your thighs was like nothing you'd ever experienced before. He was really good at this.

"This is all very romantic, you two. Bu-" Tomioka turned hus head sharply and shot Sanemi a look he'd only seen once before. And he knew to stop shooting his mouth off. For the time being, that is.

Tomioka was lost in you. He ran his right hand down the length of your side and whispered in your ear, "I'm the fucking Water Hashira. I can sense how wet I make you, y/n. I want to feel your wetness in my mouth. On my face."

In what seemed like a split second, you went from your tits being pressed into the marble to lying on your back with Tomioka's face rooted deeply between your twitching thighs. Sanemi was lurking in the corner, stroking himself thoughtlessly. Speeding up when you'd start to beg to be finished off. Grabbing himself harder when Tomioka told you, "Not yet y/n. Not yet."

Tomioka, not lifting his face from you, waved for Sanemi to come over to you two. He complied, lying down next to your sort of outstretched and crumpled body on the floor. You didn't understand how you could feel so free, but at the same time, warped and trapped. Regardless, you met Sanemi's mouth with a warm welcome as Tomioka continued to toy with you.

"Oh, Gi ... yodd-duh ... whatever you do, don't stop." You reached down with one hand to stroke Tomioka's hair and the other you put to use scratching at Sanemi's back. He wasn't used to sharing Giyū. Or anyone he was with, really. So it took him a moment to find what worked here. For all of you.

"Can we, like, can we move to somewhere more spacious?" You asked, trying hard to focus on your words and not just on your building shudders. Tomioka propped himself up and pointed to the other side of the bath house at the hot spring. "I think that would suffice. Sanemi, you'll join us." Again, not a question. The 3 of you *would* be in there together.

Sanemi was the first to stand. He helped you up and then reached out to Tomioka. "Come, kirei." The two men smiled darkly at one another. Did they know you saw that shared between them, too? Whatever, you thought, this ... is going to happen.

You were first into the hot water. And for a moment, the lack of sleep caught up to you, and you were embarrassed, again, at the sound you made when your body was fully submerged. You completely forgot you were here with them. Only for a second, though.

They both stood there. Hard. Watching you let go of the day you'd had. They followed suit and climbed in. The paper lanterns that hung in the corner let off the light of a few clustered burning candles, leaving the room mostly shadowed.

Sanemi was the first to you. He pulled you up on his lap, your back against his chest, sitting you down just around his cock. He wasn't in you as much as he was between you. You threw your head back at the feeling of him resting there. One move and you two would be fucking. Sanemi reached around your waist and began to rub circles on your attention starved clit. "Mmmugh. Yes." He kissed your neck and shoulders more roughly than he had your mouth when you were on your back on the floor.

Tomioka, at last, was in the water. He was in front of you, making tiny circles with his tongue around your chest and neck. Occasionally, you could hear he and Sanemi exchanging words through their heavy kissing. But really, this had to be what heaven was made of. Tomioka placed himself between your legs as well.

You could feel their dicks rubbing together just outside of your cunt. It was no feat to know how wet you were, despite being in the water. These men were playing on you like their very own private slip-n-slide. Bouncing and bucking into each other, their breathing had gotten ragged. Breaths inconsistent for Hashira.

"Kirei cock, you're about to make me cum." Sanemi whispered to your ear, even though he was clearly speaking to Tomioka. Then he lifted you up and turned you around to face him, and he sat you almost all the way back down. This time, he reached down into the water and spread you open for him, resting his tip just at your wettest spot.

You watched in adoration as he started to disappear into you. "Look at me." He demanded. He lowered you again. This time, you took in even more. Your mouth turned into an O, and your eyebrows furrowed at the hot pressure he was inflicting. "Master Shi - oh shit, oh shit ..." You breathed in and out as he pushed himself the rest of the way into you.

You arched your back so far that your tits, red and nearly bruising from the attention Tomioka bestowed upon them, were inches from Sanemi's engaged face. He bit at the pink flesh and pulled your nipples between his teeth. The sounds he made were raw and made you ride him even more fervently. You could feel him beginning to twitch each time you came down on him.

He motioned Tomioka over to the both of you, and he responded to Sanemi. Dutifully. He sat down next to the white-haired man and rested each of his arms on the edge of the hot spring, closed his eyes, and lay his head back. Sanemi, letting go of your left ass cheek, slowly floated his right hand over to where he could see Giyu's swaying dick. When Sanemi wrapped his large hand around it, they both moaned in pleasure loud enough that you were sure 2 villages over could distinguish it as utterances of pleasure from those of misery.

Your continued undulations were making Sanemi move a little more wildly than he had all night. "Fuck, y/n. You're gonna make something happen if you keep rolling your hips around me like that," he said, baring some teeth behind his lips. You noticed he had synced up your movements with his on Giyū. Sanemi and Tomioka both lay their heads back and surrendered themselves to the moment.

Sanemi threw his left arm around your waist so he could better control your body. You let him. Feeling how strong he was to move you around as though you were weightless had a strange effect on you. Regardless of whoever was on top. He was in charge now, not you. And you liked it.

His actions weren't painful, per se. They hurt. But it was the "good kind" of hurt. The kind that had you teetering right on the edge of sanity. You were locked onto him. He wasn't letting you go.

Sanemi's next move decided everything for you. He relinquished his stronghold on Tomioka under the water to grab you up into both of his arms. He held onto you like you didn't know you could be held, and he guided you around his bare cock, moving in you and feeling your walls clench and suck at him until he almost lost his concentration.

"Haahh, y/n, careful now, I'm g'na blow up in you." He looked into Tomioka's eyes as he said this, making you wonder just who he was talking to, even though he said your name. You didn't care. He felt so fucking good, stretching you out in every direction as he filled up your warm space. "Tomioka..." You whispered into Sanemi's ear. You were surprised at how hot it felt against your lips. "I'm not ... ahhaa ... done yet." He answered..

"Suh- ... neh- ... meee, oh-ho shit ... oh God's keep .... yes!" You rocked into Sanemi's V-line that met at the perfect place for your clit to get the attention you so desperately wanted for it. "Keep this up, sweetheart, and you're gonna make me cum into that tight little pussy of yours." He acted like he didn't mind doing this, lifting his hands briefly to emphasize how cool and collected he was trying to be. And then you sat down on him *all*the*way*.

A jagged inhalation and without hesitation, he flung you over so you were on your back, resting on the built-in seat in the water. "Now ... now look what you've gone and made me do, y/n." He growled into your tits and bit into the velvety skin, bobbing just above and just below the water line. Sanemi reached behind him, grabbing for Tomioka. As Tomioka made his way closer to the two of you, Sanemi locked eyes with him again, and they both nodded in unison.

Tomioka positioned himself behind Sanemi, placing his left hand on Sanemi's ass, his right hand working his cock quickly so he could catch up to where you two were at. Getting there faster than he thought because the sight of Sanemi fucking you and his ass peeking up from the steamy spring, proved to be all he'd need to almost cum all over himself.

You were nearly about to cum, too. Looking up over Sanemi's shoulder to see Giyū being so rough with himself made you tighten up even more around the man fucking into you. Water was splashing all over the floor at the fast, sloshing movements from within the deep basin.

"Giyū. C'mere. Now, under me." You. Sounded. Pathetic. So close to your long-awaited orgasm and not wanting to distract yourself or Sanemi from the faultless rhythm you two had mastered, those were the only 5 words you could choke out to tell him what you wanted.

Tomioka sunk down into the hot water and closed the miniscule space between you. Sanemi put his left hand around Tomioka's neck and brought him face to face with you. You looked over to your right at him. Your body being pushed up against the sides and your head resting just outside the vat would most definitely hurt you later. But again, it is a good kind of pain. It's the muscle memory that's the best kind. Sanemi wanted you to kiss Tomioka. But your head was jolting all about. It would be difficult for a 3rd to match your cadence.

Bypassing your imploring lips, he scooped you and, consequently, Sanemi up so he could scoot in underneath you, and he began kissing the length of your outstretched neck. His left hand adjusting his hard cock between your legs and his other hand cupping your right tit, fondling it more gently than you were used to during such occasions. But you were not overlooking the stimulation by any means. It worked. The same way it did when he was barely grazing your stomach with his fingers.

Sanemi and Tomioka both let out moans, and they each threw their heads in a different direction when they discovered they were also rubbing their uncovered bodies together. For a moment, just a few thrusts, the two men found their own formula.

You were trying to keep your eyes focused, but they way they were making you feel, you had little control over the eye rolling and facial contortions. "Oh, oh fffuuhh-" You purred out. "You bo-HO-th ... oh my God ..." You couldn't believe how amazing it felt to have Sanemi's cock prodding into you and Tomioka's gliding between your swollen folds.

The two men rubbed against each other. Both hit every part of you. Most in a way you'd never imagined possible. But never in your wildest dreams did you think something like this would bring you so much pleasure.

The three of you simultaneously sped up, all of you chasing the same thing. Aching to snap the burning thread that stretched through the fractions and connected your engaged bodies.

Giyū started in first with the grabbing and the moaning. He pulled Sanemi's face to his. "Call me kirei, again, you son of a bitch. I'll fuh-huh ... I'll kick your ass ... Suh- suh- ... y/n ohh goddamn it, I'm g'na ... I'm ... !" But Sanemi wanted to toy with him. So he gave in for a moment and then would pull back from Giyū when he could sense how close he was to finishing. They played with each other like their cocks weren't tangled up in your cunt, but rather in each other. Seeing them be so intimate with one another while they were, for all intents and purposes, banging you, made you cum next.

It was, hands-down, the most intense release you'd ever experienced. You could feel it bubbling up from your thighs where Sanemi would squeeze you as he thrust into you, all the way to your ears as your pussy pushed and pulled on them both. You slid over Giyū. Feeling him grab at your ass and legs to spread you wider for him, he opened you up more for Sanemi, too. The memory was already embedded in your memory of this whole night.

You will later have trouble recalling who hit that *one* spot on your body. But you will never forget *where* that spot *is*. It made your body HOT. Your face was red. "Gi-yuhh ... fuck - S'nemi ... oh my fuck- ... yes - hoh, hoh ... hoh!!!"

Sanemi was the last to cum, but he was thoroughly enjoying watching Tomioka tug at your willing body, making it form around his intrusive appendage. He could feel Tomioka's growing heat where their bodies touched in passing. It always turned Sanemi on to watch other people getting off. Especially if he was the one delivering them to ecstasy.

This time, though, it was you and Giyū that were making Sanemi let loose. Sanemi was loud and rough. Much more so than Tomioka. Sanemi pulled your head up and kissed you deeply. It wasn't even necessarily a passionate or romantic kiss. Just ... deep. He pulled back from your burning mouth, bringing you to him with his teeth, guiding you by your bottom lip. He'd let go and push your face into his neck and chest. "Bite ... bite me, y/n. NOW."

You nipped at his neck and collarbone. His noises are absolutely sinful. "Y/n, yehhhs. Hard - harder. Fuck! Hmm-mhm." They're making you tighten around him again. With each contraction of your velvety wall, you can feel him twitching and jerking right before he spills into your body. His hot cum warming you from the inside out.

You all had given so much of yourselves to one another. To this night. Not wanting to leave this carved out paradise, you stayed in the water.

Sanemi had his head resting heavily on your chest as he reached over your shoulder to tug at Tomioka's hair lightly. Tomioka had his left cheek on your left shoulder, carelessly rubbing your face with his right hand. Switching every now and then, softly scratching up and down Sanemi's arm.

A collective, contented sigh was let out, and you all started talking at once.

"Where do we want to sleep tonight?"

#demon slayer #demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba #kny smut #kny sanemi #sanemi x you #sanemi shinaguzawa #sanemi x giyuu #sanemi x reader #giyuu x y/n #giyuu smut #demon slayer giyuu #in my dreams #dear lord #it's me #answer this #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi smut #sanemi x y/n #sanemi and giyuu

[onceuponastory]

passion - danceteacher!bucky barnes x reader

Plot: Since she and Bucky first made a connection, Y/N has been excitedly counting down the days until she’s back in his class and can finally tell him the truth about how she feels. Unfortunately, Bucky has other ideas... Pairing: Dance Teacher!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Some angst, anxiety, and like the tinieeest hint of possessive Bucky. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is part two of my Dance Teacher Bucky AU Chemistry, which you can read here if you haven’t already! Sorry it took me forever to write this second part, but I hope you like it!

Not beta’d, so all mistakes are my own.

Since the night she and Bucky almost kissed, Y/N has been eagerly counting down the days until their next class. Until she can see the dance teacher whose gaze has bewitched her from the moment she first met him. She still remembers the feeling of their bodies pressed up against each other, skin on skin, feeling his hot breath on hers, and his hands holding her closely, hoping they’d wander even lower. Still pictures his head tilting as he leans closer towards her, ready to press his lips to hers. His final words have stuck in her mind ever since then.

“Would you like to-”

What could he have wanted? She can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he was going to ask her if she wanted to see him after class, or to continue their kiss. Maybe he would ask her on a date. Honestly, that’s all she wants. To be with him again and to call him her own. The week passes by slower than she wants, but soon, she’s back in class. When Bucky’s voice fills the room once more, Y/N can’t stop a smile from spreading across her cheeks.

“Good evening everyone. It’s very nice to see you all again.” Bucky’s gaze falls on her once more, the silvery blue eyes she loves so much tracing over every part of her body. Her breath hitches in her throat and her stomach flutters. Bucky opens his mouth, and for a moment, Y/N expects Bucky to say something, or to even pick her for a dance again. But Bucky looks away almost immediately and moves along without another word. As Y/N watches him go, her posture slumps a little in disappointment, and she tries not to let her face fall along with it. As the butterflies in her stomach drop, she can feel the familiar pit of anxiety forming. Of course, she knows that she and Bucky can’t kiss each other in the middle of class, or to be his favourite student, but he at least used to look at her for more than a second, even before they almost kissed. As Bucky announces a group activity, she keeps her gaze on him, just in case he sneaks another glance her way. When that doesn’t come, her anxiety grows, despite her attempts to rationalise things.

And as the class continues, things don’t get much better. Bucky still seems to ignore her, at least more than he usually does. And with that, Y/N’s anxiety continues to grow. Still, she keeps a brave front, hoping the one thing she dreads isn’t true. When the class finishes, Y/N waits behind, hoping that he will speak to her again, and that he was just pretending to ignore her by masking his true desire for her. Because the alternative is so much worse. Because the alternative is so much worse. That Bucky really doesn’t want her after all, and that the one person she wants most, the one person who she thinks can heal her heart after her heartbreak...will reject her.

“Bucky? Can I speak to you, please?” She hates how shaky and anxious her voice sounds, how easily she could fall apart depending on what Bucky says. Bucky looks up, running a hand through his brunette hair. All she wants is for him to say something, anything. Hell, even recognition. Recognition that they have something together, and that something is real.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He sighs, checking his watch. “I have to go to a meeting. I’ll see you next week, alright?”

“Wait, it was just-” However, before she can finish her sentence, Bucky murmurs another: 

“I’m sorry.” His blue eyes give her one last look over, and then he’s gone. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

And for the next few classes, that’s how things continue to go. Y/N shows up every week, hoping for something new. For Bucky to treat her with the same passion and desire he showed her the first time they met, rather than just keeping an icy blue gaze fixed on her, or barely acknowledging her existence. Yet, he never does. Aside from a few brief glances her way, she might as well not exist to Bucky. So every week, her hope of her and Bucky continuing where they left off continues to fade. And with it, so does her desire to keep coming back to the class. Even thinking of leaving tears her up inside. She loves the class, and seeing Bucky each week. Honestly, she loves him so much that she can barely stand it sometimes. Yet, there’s only so much disappointment and ignorance someone can take before it feels like their soul is being destroyed. And at this rate, Y/N’s surprised hers has lasted this long.

One week, one that feels a lifetime away from when Bucky took her in his arms, Y/N’s pain is so bad that she skips the class. She just can’t put herself through that turmoil and heartbreak again. Besides, her mind is reminding her of her blue-eyed dance teacher enough to last for one week without seeing him in person. It’s only then that Y/N realises how much she looks forward to seeing Bucky each week, and how being without him for even one week is breaking her heart. For practically the entire week, Y/N shuts herself away in her apartment, feeling sorry for herself and regretting her decision. 

It’s funny, in a way. She first met Bucky after being dumped and spending all her time shut away in her room. And now, here she is, doing the same thing over him. But somehow, this time, it’s even worse.

One day, fed up with being holed up in her room for hours on end, Y/N takes a moment to step out and get some fresh air. Hopefully, a walk will do her good. Yet, as before, all her thoughts turn back to Bucky. It’s almost Thursday, the day of his dance class. And it means Y/N has to make a choice. Will she go back to Bucky, hoping her absence has somehow caused a change of heart, that the second she walks through the door, he’ll drop everything and kiss her, for real this time. At least, that’s how things work in fairytales. But this isn’t a fairytale. It’s only then that Y/N realises she’s outside a local coffee shop, and so she heads inside. Maybe some caffeine will help soothe her soul. As she orders her drink, a voice sounds from behind her. One that makes her stomach lurch.

“Y/N? Is that you? I haven’t seen you in ages!” Her ex. The same one who broke her heart many moons ago, and made her spend almost an eternity in her room. The one she never wanted to see again. And now he’s right behind her. What a shitty week this is turning out to be. Although, maybe she should be a bit more grateful towards him. Because without him, she would never have met Bucky. Grimacing, she turns around. 

“Hey….” she murmurs, plastering a fake smile on. 

“How have you been?” Y/N groans. Now she has to make up some kind of story so that he thinks she’s been doing really well since the breakup, rather than being holed up in her room yet again. Unfortunately for her, though, before she can even say a word, another voice calls:

“There you are!” A girl walks up to them both, slinging her arm around her ex’s shoulders and kissing him on the cheek. Noticing Y/N, she looks her up and down, frowning. “Who’s this?” However, their words fade to static as Y/N’s heart sinks.

He’s already moved on. Of course, she’s not exactly running back to be with him, but even he could move on. And she’s still stuck here pining over him and over Bucky. Immediately, all the growth she may have had immediately breaks down, and Y/N’s back at square one as she’s reminded of just how alone she truly is. Oh god, they’re staring at her. She needs to say something, anything. Yet all she wants is to run away and cry.

Thankfully, though, a saving moment soon arrives. “Latte for Y/N?” 

Hurriedly, Y/N grabs her drink, murmurs something resembling an apology and leaves the shop. She starts walking, not having any idea where she’s going, only knowing she has to get as far away from them as possible. As she walks, her head races with thoughts once more. The same thoughts she’s been trying to ignore, but are now louder than ever. The ones telling her that Bucky doesn’t love her, and she’ll be alone forever.

After walking for a while, Y/N stops, taking a breather to collect herself and calm down. And so she can actually see where she is after storming off. She looks around, and when she realises where she is, she wishes she’d never asked. The dance studio is right in front of her. Bucky’s dance studio. The place she considered never going to again. And she came back without even thinking about it. Well, everyone always says the heart wants what it wants. Maybe it knows what she needs: to see Bucky, the one person she loves and to talk through everything, even despite everything that’s happened.

As if on autopilot, Y/N walks inside. She looks around for Bucky, only finding other teachers and empty rooms. Frustrated, she steps inside one of the free rooms, sinking down to the floor. Now what? Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t have come here at all. Though, just as she’s about to leave, though, the door opens.

“Y/N.” She hears a familiar voice. Bucky. Her heart almost stops. “I must admit, I wasn’t expecting to see you here. I missed you at class last week.” He chuckles. Despite her relief at being missed, and how she literally came here just to see him, she’s still too conflicted by this entire situation to even know what to say. All she can do is stare at him. “Good for you, though, for getting in some practice.”

“Mhm.” Bucky’s eyebrows raise slightly at her curt reply, but he brushes it off.

“So. I was actually coming in here to finish up my tutorial before class, but if you’d like, I could give you a…private lesson.” He offers, coming to stand in front of her. Y/N looks up, her eyes running over every inch of Bucky’s incredibly tall, muscular body. Immediately, Y/N feels herself blushing as some of her anger melts away. Fuck, he’s so attractive…so tempting. 

But then, she remembers how she felt when they almost kissed, and how confused she is by how much he’s ignoring her and refusing to talk to her, yet still keeping his gaze transfixed on her. That’s enough to make her purse her lips and look down, away from Bucky. “Are you alright Y/N? You seem off.” Y/N’s jaw clenches. There’s no way he can be this ignorant about how he’s making her feel. This has to be some sort of joke. Maybe he’s just teasing her, dangling his attention in front of her to see if she takes the bait. Perhaps it’s something to do with the chemistry he keeps going on about. “You seem annoyed.” Bucky continues. She can feel Bucky’s presence as he gets even closer to her, and as the ever so familiar scent of his cologne enters her nostrils once more. It permeates her entire being. Her breath hitches in her throat. God, she’s got it bad. Which makes this situation even worse. Simultaneously, she wants to run to him and to run away from him. Her fist clenches. Why can’t this be over? “You know, this anger is good. You can use it in your dancing, and-”

“No! I don’t want to dance to let out my feelings!” Y/N snaps. “Fuck Bucky, why is dancing all you think about? Nobody is allowed to be angry or upset around you. Their feelings always have to be used in a dance. Well, I’ve had enough!” Y/N pushes herself up, standing face to face with Bucky. The entirety of her anger and pain from the past few weeks reaches a breaking point, ready to be released. “Yeah, I’m pissed off. Want to know why?” When Bucky opens his mouth, she holds up his finger, stopping him. “No. I’m not dancing. I want to talk to you like a normal human does. Is that okay?” She doesn’t even wait for Bucky to reply before continuing her rant. “Why have you been ignoring me since we almost kissed? You keep staring at me when you talk about your ‘chemistry’, stringing me along and making me think you give a shit or that you might actually like me. But when I try to talk to you, you act like I don’t exist and I’m tired of it. Is that all I am, Bucky? Am I just someone for you to use to build your chemistry?” Bucky’s face falls, his blue eyes darkening once more. 

“Y/N-” Yet still, Y/N continues.

“If that wasn’t bad enough, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend today, and they were all happy and loved up, which made me feel even worse, and even more conflicted. God, Bucky, I like you, okay? A lot. And I just want to know what the fuck is going on! Do you want me or not? Because if you don’t, I’m going to go. I’ll leave your class, and you’ll never see me again. I refuse to go through this for the rest of my time here, waiting and hoping that today will be the day you actually speak to me.” Y/N pants angrily, trying to calm herself down whilst Bucky just stares at her. His lack of response makes her even angrier and tells her everything she needs to know. “What? You’re not even going to say something?” Even so, she waits, letting Bucky have the chance to speak. Although it feels like she’s just dragging out the inevitable. And the room is so silent you could hear a pin drop. “Fine.” She huffs, feeling defeated. “Goodbye Bucky.”

As she walks past him to go, he gently takes her arm, pulling her closer. Just like he did when they danced together, when they shared such a strong connection that it almost drove her crazy.

“You want an explanation? I’ll give you one.” Y/N’s heart rate picks up. “Y/N, I’ve been attracted to you from the first moment you stepped foot into my class. I kept my distance at first, because I didn’t want to come on too strong, but the more I saw you, the more I wanted you. You’re so gorgeous, and you dance beautifully.” 

“So you-” she begins, but now it’s Bucky’s turn to interrupt her.

“I wasn’t finished.” He whispers, his voice low and husky again. Blushing, Y/N nods. “When I saw you with Brock, I got jealous, so I knew I had to dance with you and show him you’re mine. And of course, things only got more intense from there. When we almost kissed, things were great…until I saw you leaving and I realised that maybe things between us might not work out. Maybe it isn’t chemistry that we have, maybe it’s just passion or lust. So, the reason I’ve been so standoffish is that I took some time to think through my feelings before committing.” Y/N furrows her brows, and Bucky sighs. “I’m sorry Y/N, but it was the only way I could think of figuring things out without hurting you. Of course, I understand now that was the wrong way to do it, because I did hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Y/N doesn’t even know what to say, too confused from having such a big explanation so suddenly. “And you know the funny part? Being so standoffish didn’t help one bit. I’m still hopelessly in love with you.” Y/N’s mouth drops open. Those are the words she’s wanted to hear for weeks. And now she’s heard them, she doesn’t even know what to say. “If you want to leave, I understand.” Bucky runs his finger down her jawline, and Y/N shudders. Her gaze goes lower, tracing down the v neckline of Bucky’s shirt. At the buttons still clinging to his shirt. The ones she just wants to rip open. 

“Even if it was just lust or passion…would that be so bad?” She murmurs. Before Bucky can say anything more, Y/N steps forward, closing the gap between them both in a kiss. Bucky lets out a moan, and his arm wraps around her. Their bodies press together, so close she can feel his heart beating rhythmically along with hers as the kiss deepens. She parts her lips, and Bucky slips his tongue in. Her hands go to his chest again, running down his shirt. As she begins to unbutton his shirt, Bucky murmurs:

“No…not here. Not yet. Later.” She agrees, moving her hands back up and running her fingers through his hair. “Still wanna leave?” He whispers as they pull apart. Y/N shakes her head. His breath feels like fire on her skin, and she shudders, breathing in sharply.

“No.” she whispers, pulling him in for another kiss. “Not at all.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Please follow @onceuponastory-library​ and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #dance teacher!bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x female reader #bucky x Female Reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction

[save-the-villainous-cat]

i just found ur account and i’ve been reading your stuff almost all day, it’s SO GOOD

i was wondering if maybe you could write something where the hero and villain are siblings, but the hero thought the villain died years ago (like they were a hero, it was thought that they died in a battle, and now they’re back as a villain)? i feel like u have such a great style for that!!! 💕💕

The hero had expected this. Deep down, they had hoped it would never be true but people could change their names and their appearance but ultimately, they would forever be what they’ve always been.

Although the villain wanted to, they couldn’t change the way they reacted. They couldn’t change their fighting style and they couldn’t change their manner of speaking. The hero had been reminded of their sibling when looking at the villain and now that the mask was finally off, their suspicions were confirmed. It wasn’t exactly a surprise. More like a catalyst that would trigger all the built up emotions.

“I’ll explain, I promise, I’ll explain—” The villain held their hands up, as if to initiate some sort of peace contract. They weren’t nervous, didn’t look like they felt bad.

But the hero didn’t say anything. They didn’t want anything anymore. Instead of arguing, they put away their weapon, took a deep breath and turned away, looking at the city below. They were truly ready to go. To finally let go of their sibling.

“Can we talk about this?” the villain asked but the hero was already taking a path that would lead them home.

“Talk about what?”

“About this situation. About this whole thing,” the villain insisted. They laughed nervously. “I didn’t want it to be like this. I had no choice when I saw what the city turned into. We needed harsher consequences.”

“So you start murdering everyone who doesn’t oblige?” the hero asked. God, their sibling was so stupid. “That’s it? That’s what you are now? That’s what you’ve become?”

“No, you don’t understand. That’s not what I’m doing. You wouldn’t understand. You always twist the truth.”

“I think that’s exactly what you’re doing,” the hero said. The hero turned around and stared into those eyes that were nearly identical to their own. At their sibling, the one they’d looked up to, had wanted to live up to their entire life.

The one who had hugged them when mom had died, even though they hated physical touch. Even though they hadn’t held each other’s hands or hit each other up to that point for years.

“Words cannot even describe how exorbitantly disappointed I am at you,” the hero said. “You should feel ashamed of yourself.”

“We all know I’m the disappointment of the family. We all know that, you don’t have to tell me,” the villain spat, now looking like they were ready to go to war, instead of signing the peace treaty.

The hero’s gaze sharpened.

“You were everything to me,” they said. “I looked up to you. I would’ve followed you wherever you would go. I would’ve believed everything you told me. I would’ve fought side by side with you. I wanted to be like you, even when we were arguing. You absolute asshole.”

Gawking at them, the villain didn’t move, didn’t even seem to breathe. Both knew the hero was just starting.

“You left me,” the hero said. “I’ve known you all my life and you left me. Left me when I needed you, left me because you were only thinking about your dumb ambition to feed your ego. You’re the most disgusting person I have ever met and I am ashamed of being related to you.”

There was this nervous laugh again and the hero wanted to hit the villain right in the face.

“What are you even good for anymore?” the hero asked. “I can tie my shoes now. I can cut my own hair. I can make thousands of dollars in a few months. And look at you. What are you good for? Now, that you have the audacity to disappoint our mother in her grave? Becoming what she fought against? Is that it?” The hero shook their head and turned around to walk home.

“I sincerely hope you get what you deserve,” the hero added.

They didn’t want to talk to them. Ever again.

#can u guess who’s the older sibling #writing snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero vs villain #herovsvillain #request #an answer for an ask #hero sibling #villain sibling #angst

[bluexgreenava]

Today I present you my VERY FIRST self-written fanfic, which I haven't posted anywhere yet, except here (≡^∇^≡)

I can't believe I finally realized that idea from my head and finally wrote a little story🥳🥳🥳 It's a really adorable and lovely story about how you feel when you don't have enough attention🥺🥺 I originally wrote it for Sticktober2023, wanted to participate in it and become an enthusiast :3 and here it is, my first writing job in my life 😇😭

Anyway, enjoy the reading and share your opinion in comments, pls pls pls pls :D From now on, I can officially call myself an aspiring fic-writer ✦_✦📕✍️

Green seeks for attention (💚/💙)

Green was sitting on the couch with his leg up, a phone in his left hand and wired headphones in his ears connected to his smartphone. He looked at it, scrolling through the playlist and choosing from the list of favorite tracks an interesting, original and unique melody that you can listen to deeply, and so deeply that you can listen without stopping. That's what's always happened to him, no wonder he's a music lover. Although....sometimes it's boring to enjoy music alone...when there is no one to share impressions about it, no one to get interested with it and no one to feel it with. With this thought, green stickman took his eyes off the phone, bent down and drooped, looking at the black floor for a few seconds. Angry, he threw the phone with headphones on the sofa, got up and walked to the house, said in his head: "My own enjoyment of music is certainly familiar to me, but not always. I hate loneliness and boredom to death... AND IF THEY ARE ALSO TOGETHER..." The last thought made him feel so bad that he stopped, clenched his hands into fists, frowned and with his eyes closed began to beat furiously into the void and wave his hands until he got tired of it, releasing all his accumulated steam. After a while, he opened his eyes and looking at the front door of the house, continued to go there, talking to himself along the way. "Wait a second!! I have friends. I'm sure they won't let me be bored forever.." The anticipation of listening to music together gave him more energy and confidence, even lifted his mood a little. He had long dreamed of listening to and discussing with someone what he liked most in the world, and expecting that this would happen and the boredom would finally disappear, he immediately had a smile on his face.

He opens the door and first comes in, but standing in the doorway, to his orange, literally, empty-headed friend and boldly, a little loudly with joy, asks: "Yo, Secooond!!!! Do you want to listen to music, dude??" In response, only snoring, because Second was sleeping sweetly on his crib and from what Green said, he only turned on his side, continuing to rest. Green noticed this and realizing that he had almost woken up a friend, rolled his eyes and before leaving Orange's room, quietly said: "Oh, my God!! Sorry, sorry, sweet dreams.. I'll come back a little later.".. He tiptoed to the stairs. In his thoughts, walking along it to one of the other floors: "I hope others aren't busy, I really hope" After 2-3 seconds, the door–entrance to Yellow's room opens wide and the green stickman's speech is heard: "Yoo, Yellow!! Do you want to lis-"

"I'm sorry, Green, I can't, not now. As you can see, I'm very busy" – with a serious look, staring only at his laptop and not taking his eyes off it for a second, interrupted yellow stickman his friend. Yellow held out his left hand in front of him as a stop sign, continuing to type and look at the computer. Green was only more offended by this answer, cause it was still very rude.

"Okay, I'm sorry... Good luck in your work!!((" – he said in a sad tone before reaching for the door handle and closing it. The offended green stickman was already silently moving up the stairs, searched remaining rooms, but other two friends weren't there. "So they're outside.." He left the house and headed for Red, but everything was also unsuccessful. Red also turned out to be busy, because it's not easy to wash Reuben from all the dirt and make a beautiful,clean and cute piggy out of a dirty one. Without saying anything, Green sat down on the sofa with his head bowed and his hands hanging down... and out of despair and resentment, he began to cry, covering both eyes with his thin green hands. "I haven't made it... Nobody's interested in me with my music," –thought Green, while he was crying bitterly. No matter how hard he tried, his dream didn't come true. . He would continue to grieve if it weren't for that one, who he forgot to ask...who loves his friends and will never let them hurt. Not far away from the sofa was a stove, on which Blue was cooking dinner for all his friends. But when blue stickman turned his head towards his crying friend, he became worried, put out the fire and ran to calm him down.

"Green, what happened?? Who offended you??" – Blue said, sitting down next to his friend, putting his arm around his shoulders and wiping the tears that were pouring out of his beautiful eyes with a handkerchief. Holding Green's cheeks and looking into his tear-stained eyes, Blue prepared to listen to him.– "Tell me what or who upset you, it's important for me to know, dude"

Sobbing, in Blue's arms, Green said, "With me.. Nobody wants to listen to music with me.. You know, everyone's busy, but I was just bored and wanted attention.. I hate feeling lonely, I wanted to be together with someone and do what I'm interested in."

"Huh, so you just wanted attention.. I know how to help you.. Do you want me to listen to everything you want with you? ッ".

From what he heard, Green was surprised, looked into his friend's eyes and stopped crying, asked again, because he couldn't believe that someone themselves had invited him to listen to music together:

"Y-you really w-want to listen to me?? WILL YOU REALLY LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH ME??!!  Green asked in a more confident and joyful tone, to put it mildly.

"Of course, why not?? I wanna admit, that doing any kind of things with you always turns out to be interesting, fun and unforgettable. You really know how to bring pleasure, my friend..."– Blue said with a smile, and wiping his friend's eyes with his hand, he said–"But when you cry, it's not fun and it doesn't bring any pleasure.. I'm all yours, let's listen"

Green hugged his friend tightly by the neck, blushed green and whispered gently in his ear: "Thank you for being with me, Blue, thank you for being there.."

"You're always welcome, Green," –Blue replied with a smile and a blue blush on his face, mutually embracing the green stickman. And so they spent several minutes in each other's arms, snuggling tightly, but then, Green took out his phone, plugged in his headphones and inserted one into his ear, and the other into the ear of blue stickman. They were just listening to a song from our music lover's playlist, closing their eyes and sitting on the couch, hugging each other by their shoulders. Their hearts beat to the beat of the melody, their ears, along with their minds, plunged into the sound and melody.. Green was happy that he was finally able to attract someone with his interests, and after they listened to a few songs, they decided to create their own playlist of favorite tracks.*

*Also below there are some tracks I thought of what they could listen, while I was writing this 🎧 🎵 💚💙

THANK YOU FOR THE READING💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗💖💗 MEANS A LOT TO ME 😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰

#fanfic #bluegreen #avm blue #avm green #ava blue #ava green #alan becker #GUYS I FUNALLY WROTE FANFIC FOR MY FIRST TIME #sticktober 2023 #💚💙 #💙💚 #I DID MY BEST PLEASE READ IT #Spotify

[k-s-morgan]

I just wanted to say that I just finished WHGTB and I love everything so much, that fic ended with me crying during the last chapter, I never thought that tomarry would become one of my ships fav but here I am!

Second ask: Hi again, I was wondering if you had read these two works and your opinion on them, Either must die at the hand of the other by Metalomagnetic and Train no Nowhere, the latter is my fav de tomarry I have many scenes etched forever in my mind!

--------------------------------

Hello! Thank you so much, I'm thrilled you liked the ending! I myself fell for Tomarry pretty late. I was mostly interested in Snape/Harry and Voldemort/Bellatrix. Took me ages to figure out which ship would give me double satisfaction :D

I did read both fics you mentioned! Spoilers ahead.

Either Must Die at the Hand of the Other is a very… interesting story. It's beautifully written, deeply engaging, with detailed and fascinating character development, and yet I ended up finding it frustrating and unsatisfying on a personal level, through no fault of the author. What amazed me most was that I realized it too late. Usually, I figure out whether the story works for me quickly - if it doesn't, I stop reading. Here, I was in love; I read without stopping for the entire day, discarding my work and my own writing… only to reach Voldemort's POV and understand that I'm not going to get what I wanted.

Believe me, this is not a negative review. Either Must Die at the Hand of the Other is brilliant. Mind-blowingly so. The author is fantastically talented - they made me love the majority of the story even despite it featuring a child, which I normally don't like (and a child herself too, she was lovely); and while yes, I ended up frustrated, I can only admire such skills and vision. I cannot question any of the writer's choices - everything makes sense. Everything is believable. It's just, I prefer to read mutual romances, and this wasn't one.

I thought Voldemort would fall in love with Harry back and he never did. He felt fond of him, he felt some affection and attraction, but that's it. He expressed more emotions for Bella, and this, too, makes perfect sense. He idolized her because she is dead; he felt stronger for her because she was actually giving him what he liked and put him first. She never questioned him, never sided against him, was fiercely, mindlessly loyal. Harry wasn't - he argued, he fought, he refused to free him. Voldemort hated this, so it's surprising that he got attached to Harry at all.

The author did a genius move by breaking a pattern: most people who start reading yet another Harrymort or Tomarry expect that both characters will fall in love. It didn't happen here. And this is actually realistic - I can see the events of this story taking place after DH (minus the epilogue): I can absolutely believe that Harry would be this broken; I can absolutely believe that Voldemort, upon survival, would be this cold and incapable of love. But I just don't like it, and through Harry's POV, I thought Voldemort feels more than he really did. The ending crippled me: it's sort of happy, but also not really. It's a tragedy, and this is the rare case where I would prefer Harry to die or just find the strength to leave and start anew because he locked himself in a relationship with a man who will never love him the way he wants and needs.

I'm sure those who don't have the same problem and expectations as me will love this story because it's grand, captivating, and very engaging. It evoked a lot of feelings in me, to the point where I spent a whole day discussing and arguing about it with myself, voicing my frustrations and immediately refuting them :D

Train no Nowhere is among my favorites! I love it to bits and consider it one of the best works in the fandom. If it ever gets complete, I'll throw a party :D I love how completely clueless Voldemort is when it comes to emotions; Harry, with his mind and gifts, is extraordinary. I adore him. Their banter is brilliant from start to finish, and this story has one of the most impressive Triwizard Tournament tasks I've ever seen. Every time I re-read it, I'm absorbed, I can't get enough. Voldemort arguing with a 11 yo kid will forever be hilarious, and watching how Harry grows and matures is such a detailed journey that I always feel like I undertake it by his side.

#harry potter #tomarry #harrymort #personal #my fics

[qqueenofhades]

Feel free not to answer this because I feel like it’s a really heavy and rather personal and emotional thing, but you’re also one of the people whose opinion I respect the most and who I think would be able to offer a lot of help with this, and I think it might help some other people too, if it’s not too pretentious to say that. It’s definitely too pretentious, isn’t it.

For context, I’m a cis female lesbian, which is… both a good thing and also the stem of these problems.

First of all, queer people travel in packs, we all know that. It’s amazing, and somehow, most of my friends and I found each other even before any of us came out. It’s the unconscious gaydar, I guess. And more recently, a lot of my friends are coming out as different flavors of trans and nb, and in some ways, it feels like I’m the ONLY person who feels completely comfortable with their birth gender.

God it sounds really bad when I put it that way, and I know it kinda is. I barely know how to describe it, but in some ways, it feels like I’m almost the odd one left out, when most of my friends have that bonding experience and this new struggle they have to deal with, and I’m not able to help them out and be there for them in a way that I was when it was just sexuality in question (and believe me, that took me forever to figure out, and I imagine it’s much the same for gender). And. I dunno. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m one of the ONLY cis people in my friend group, and I feel almost guilty for that? Online there’s all the stuff about “oh it’s the cis people” and like, that’s me, I’m one of the people in question, and how some people act, it’s almost as though I’m not queer enough or something, like being lesbian isn’t enough to actually make me queer and that I have to be some flavor of trans as well. And I know that’s horrible to think, it’s an awful mindset to have, but it’s kinda how I feel. And to clarify, this is absolutely not my friend’s faults, they’re not saying or doing anything at all to imply what I’ve just said, it’s entirely my own fault and that of the internet.

Anyway, I’ll just leave that there for you, because I don’t have a resolution for it, that’s the problem.

My second problem is kinda similar. My two best friends are both enby aroace. One of them is a sex-repulsed ace, and we share a lot of same fandoms and things that we enjoy. They’re a S&B fan, for one, and a while back I sent them WDMTTPL because I figured they’d like it because it’s fantastically written and I love it so much. This is nothing personal to do with you, I’d like to clarify that. Anyway, they got to the first E rated scene and quit and refused to read the rest of it. That’s totally okay, that’s fine, they have every right not to enjoy the same stuff as me. Another thing we both like is Phantom of the Opera, have you seen that? There are two songs, one in the original and one in the (admittedly a shitshow with a good soundtrack) sequel, that yeah, they’re kinda about sex, but they’re still very nice songs. My friend calls the one in the sequel (the song being Beneath a Moonless Sky) as ALW’s E-rated sex fantasy song. It’s… not terribly explicit, in my opinion, but like I said, of course we have different opinions, and that’s okay. But they hate the song so much and whenever it comes up on a playlist or something that we’re listening to together, they always go and skip it. With that musical as a whole, Love Never Dies, it’s a shitshow like I said and it has horrible writing and I really just ignore all of the plot in favor of enjoying some of the few good songs in it. And because of how much they hate that song, which I think has fantastic music regardless of content, I almost feel guilty for liking it and for being a sex-positive person myself. It’s not like my friend saying “I don’t like this and so no one should like this” but in some ways it feels almost like that’s what they’re saying. It’s absolutely not their fault, but it feels like the same thing again. I feel guilty for being straight and not “queer” enough, I feel guilty for being a person who enjoys sex versus an aroace friend who really doesn’t, and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty about things I shouldn’t feel bad about.

The third one isn’t really along the same vein as the first one, but I think it’s one that does put me in the wrong and that I’m very conflicted about.

One of my friends is very openly poly and was ranting to us the other day about some thinly veiled homophobic (and specifically polyphobic) comments one of her professors made, and how for an essay in that class she’s writing about how poly marriage should be allowed and was asking for our opinions and stuff. Personally, I think it’s absolutely okay, I wouldn’t even be opposed to a poly relationship myself. However, eventually they got on the topic of the poly relationship of the variety where one person is married to two different people without those other two people being married together, but consensual between all three. And… something rubs me the wrong way about that. Something feels very inherently unequal and unfair about someone in a relationship with two other people without those people being together, ESPECIALLY if we’re talking marriage. And then I proceed to feel horrible about that, because who am I to judge what kind of love is okay, what kind of poly marriage should be allowed and what shouldn’t? Isn’t that just as bad as, say, telling a bi person in a relationship with a person of the opposite gender that they’re actually just straight? I still don’t feel like being in two seperate relationships at once can be fair or healthy, even if it IS consensual, but I feel horrible for almost gatekeeping something like that, and for getting into a heated debate with the friend in question about it. She also had a boyfriend at the time, and according to her, she said he’d be perfectly okay if she was to have a relationship with a different person beside him at the same time. And then I felt horribly petty, because they broke up like a week after my friend said all of that to the rest of us and that breakup may or may not have been related.

Anyway I have no good way of wrapping this up, I feel like it’s just been one big rant, and I know it’s very very personal and heavy, but you really are someone whose opinion I respect and would really appreciate hearing. You don’t have to answer this ask, because I know it’s a lot, but either way, thank you so much for taking the time to read this anyway.

Welp. Okay. First off, I am very honored that you trust me to talk about this to you, respect my opinion, and are interested in hearing my thoughts. For context, I am also a cis lesbian, and I suspect that I am somewhat-to-significantly older than you (10-15 years). So this is coming from a queer person in their thirties (not in their teens or twenties) and while I have plenty to say here, I'll start with this:

Basically, this ask is an encapsulation of everything that rubs me the wrong way about the online youth culture that has grown up on social media and calls itself "queer" and "progressive" while also uh, not being those things at all and often just being American Protestant evangelical purity culture. I hasten to stress that this is not your fault in any way, and nothing about what you have said is going to make me point a finger and go BAD QUEER PERSON! Instead, I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for you and the guilt and stress that you're enduring and putting yourself through, when you really, really don't have to. I promise. Because if you just changed a few names and descriptions, you could be telling me how unhappy you feel in a religious fundamentalist cult! And that breaks my heart. Because:

You constantly feel guilty about whether you're "enough" for the overall authority/presumed "right way" to be a queer person, and constantly think that you have to do "more" to justify your inclusion;

You hang out with people and in shared social spaces that consciously or unconsciously reinforce the idea that you're "doing it wrong";

You worry constantly about whether being an ordinary human person with a sex drive makes you "unclean," "filthy," "evil," "lesser", etc etc;

You worry that you're in the wrong for expressing any opinion that might run against the prevailing wisdom, no matter what that opinion is or how you arrived at it;

You also worry that this is all "your fault" for not being good enough, and that if you continue to not be good enough, it will reflect on you as a personal sin and lead to your exclusion from the group, and that will be all your fault and nobody else's;

And on and on.

Anyway: as I said, this is flat-out conservative evangelical Protestantism with the names changed, and that's what makes me so averse to the so-called progressive purity/anti culture that has taken so much root in youth queer spaces. This isn't your fault or even that of your friends', it's just a result of what all of you have learned by osmosis and think is the only way to Be Acceptably Queer. And that is hogwash. It is total nonsense. It is absolutely not true. If you're hanging out in places or with people that are constantly feeding and reinforcing this message, whether implicitly or explicitly, then you DO need to find new places, healthier places, with maybe some older queer people who aren't as beholden to the niche culture of Performative Internet Wokeness as the younger terminally-online generation. Because it is a niche culture, it is very small, it is not at all representative of the lives and experiences of queer people all around the world, and you absolutely do not need to let it dictate your thoughts and behavior to the point of making you feel this way about yourself (or even at all). Because listen here:

I am holding your face in my hands, I am looking you in the eye, I am telling you from the bottom of my queer cis lesbian ace-spec old gay adult heart: I LOVE YOU, BABY GAY. YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. AND AIN'T NOBODY, NOBODY AT ALL, GOT THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU OTHERWISE OR MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR BEING BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Okay? Got it? I mean it. I am aggressively loving on you right now, in a healthy, boundaries-appropriate way, and telling you that IT IS OKAY. You are queer just the way you are. You're not a secret straight. You don't have to add an endless list of uber-specific micro-labels or nuances or explanations. You're you. You're queer. That's it, end of story, nobody can say otherwise. If people try to make you feel bad about it or shame you or imply that you're not enough, THAT IS THEIR FAULT and you can and should feel justified in calling them out on it. You don't need to torment yourself with guilt over having opinions, or liking sex, or ANY OF IT. Humans are humans! Humans (for the most part) like sex! Sex is a normal and natural and beautiful thing! Queer sex is beautiful! Het sex is beautiful! You can enjoy both or any or all of those things while also critiquing the sexified/commodified/heteronormative/repressive culture in which we exist! Our culture has been so messed up and fucked over (literally) when it comes to sex that once again, we've looped all the way back around to "I am a More Morally Pure Person if I Personally Reject Sex and This is a Totally Progressive Viewpoint" and like. As I said above, I am strongly ace-spec. I tend to enjoy reading about sex or having sexy headcanons more than I'm interested in actually pursuing it in the real world. But that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, and I have zero objections to them doing what makes them happy.

So enjoy E-rated fic. Enjoy E-rated songs. Enjoy sex if you like sex, in fiction, real life, or wherever. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, BABY, OKAY? If you know that some of your friends don't like what you like, you don't have to share those things with them or rely solely on their approval/validation (and as I said, if you're hanging out in places or with people that only make you feel bad about who you are and what you like, it's time to re-evaluate that time and how it's spent). Go out in your community, meet older queer people, volunteer in queer spaces, do whatever you would like to make you feel more connected to the real-life community with a broader variety of perspectives. But also, you don't have to do these things to be considered queer. You don't have to Earn Your Place Via Hard Work (oh hello again, Protestant Ethic!) You just have to be you. That is enough.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#anonymous #ask #ain't nobody make the baby gays feel bad on my watch #long post

[skloomdumpster]

Thank you for tagging me @crazycatfaery <3 I'm sorry I took so long 😅😅

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged.

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional

Age Gap: 7/10

I love it, but I'll only read it if the Dead Dove Do Not Eat tag is there. I want to read it from an author who's aware they're writing an age gap, especially if we're talking toxic/problematic ships. If we're all in agreement in this room, then HELL YEAH.

Codependency: 100/10

Love it. I love it between love interests, I love it between family members, I love it between enemies even. Characters who only exist and see themselves as a paired up thing with another character. If I see that tag in any work the chances of me clicking on it double.

Enemies to lovers: -5/10

Eh... Sure if it's okay enemies to lovers, as in they're actual enemies and they want each other dead and then we turn it back around. Alright, sure. But honestly? 9/10 times people are writing mild-annoying acquaintance to lovers. I hate that. And even when they ARE writing real enemies to lovers, sometimes the "lovers" part doesn't live up to the "enemies" part.

Enemies With Benefits: 10/10

It's rare and I love it, but it's a tricky trope to get right. You can't remove the "enemies" aspect from it. I've seen this done right (cough - John Ross/Pamela), but I've also seen it butchered many times.

Fake Dating/Relationship: 3/10

Cute and all, but I won't click on a fic because of it.

Found Family: -1000/10

Nope. Most of the time people mean "found nuclear family" and then I'm forced to watch as these characters act completely wacky and ooc. I adore a good found family, but seeing this tagged in a work is a surefire way to have me not click it. (also let's just please stop with the weird subtrope of putting the favorite-white-guy of the group as the "tradwife/mom"??? what the FUCK is this? I've seen it in Teen Wolf, I've seen it Fate, I've seen it in Fast and Furious... just nope.)

Friends To Lovers: 100/10

Perfection. You want pining? You got a forest of pines. You want yearning? You want italicized oh moment? You want harmless jealousy? You want hilarious cutesy moments? You want deep conversations? You want confessions that fix something broken inside of you? You want a love so deep and profound that it has grown and changed and it'll change again if you won't take me as a lover because a friend is good too, is great even?? You want STAKES because I-love-you-but-I-don't-want-to-ruin-this-because-you're-the-best-thing-in-my-life??? Perfect trope. No notes.

Friends With Benefits: 10/10

The same as above + sex. Can't go wrong.

Hurt/Comfort: 100/10

Bathe my blorbo in their own blood!! Whump the shit out of them!! Put them through hell!! Make the caretaker fear for their life!! Get the begging and bargaining out and the wheezing confessions through bloody coughs. Love this.

Love Triangle: 0/10

It sure exists.

Mistaken/Hidden Identity: 0/10

I don't think I ever read this, don't think I ever will either.

Monster Fu… Relationship: 5/10

Sure, but only if it's a werewolf. Team Jacob forever.

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc: 10/10

Fuck yeah. Yes in good, deliciously toxic ships, but also YES in good, healthy ships. The golden ships, made up of two righteous characters and you wouldn't expect this and then BAM. The other day I read fic that was like "[redacted] had often fantasized about reaching in and counting the teeth in [redacted's] mouth" <- most perfect line ever written.

Opposites (like grumpy×sunshine, etc): 5/10

Eh...? It can be cute, but sometimes it feels like too much. I'm actually more of a "they're both grumpy, but not with each other" or even "they're both golden, but can be at their worse with each other".

Poly: 5/10

Sometimes it's shoehorned in and I'm like... :/ you could've written something more interesting if you allowed the conflict to exist. BUT sometimes there's genuine sexual/romantic attraction between all parts and that's when this hits. I'll read an OT3 as long as it's not "author couldn't decide and decided to go the fluffy no conflict route even though it makes no sense for the characters"

Pregnancy: 8/10

I'll read it in fics, in all sorts of manners: cute family fic, kinky breeding fic, plotty dramatic fic, etc. But I don't like it in canon, movie or book. In fic I have the ability of getting bored and clicking out and reading one of the other 200 fics where there's no pregnancy or baby. In canon that's impossible.

Second Chance: 0/10

Sure, I'll read that.

Sex To Feelings: 5/10

IDK, when are we talking feelings? Is this a scenario where they're friends/enemies to benefits and then the feelings emerge? Because then yes. Or is this just a PWP and then I get some feelings at the bottom? Because then no. Or is this a character study while they're fucking? Because then YES.

Slowburn: 10/10

It's the perfect trope but watch out. I'm a firm believer of stories needing beginning, middle, end. I've read fics that are 80 chapters long and every time the characters are about to get together/realize another curveball is thrown their way. Once or twice I'm good with, but 50 different obstacles? Fuck no, I'm clicking out.

Soulmates: -1/10

This won't make me wanna read your fic. If you mean this as a "they are soulmates so X happens" ....nope. Not my thing. If you mean this as "they're always the endgame. In every universe, in every reality, these two are IT" (cough, Skloom) then YES!!! But also don't spell it out for me. I don't need you to tell me soulmates, I can guess that.

Tagging: @infp-obsessing-over-everything , @faithfire and @daisiehoney @astrid-v

#hello i'm a highly opinionated person who can't shut up #i'm sorry this is so fucking long #astrid i think you've done this already but im not sure so forgive me

[writteninthesewalls28]

between shards and "I love you"s

A/n: This work is part of the "be my valentine challenge" by @bemyvalentinechallenge for the day 4 prompt.

Summary: Eris (reader) is a songwriter and Niall Horan´s girlfriend. but when she writes a song for Niall, she is scared that their relationship is going to end because of one single sentence.

Warnings: shards, curse words, cyber hate, not proof read

Right when I wrote down the words while humming the melody, I realized it would sound weird. "I´d rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you" was the most cheesy thing I ever thought of and it definitely wasn´t appropriet for a 3-month-relationship with a world-wide famous super star.

I had been a songwriter since- forever. The songwriting thing came before the singing part for me, I always loved that more.  The way you could express your emotions through the words and melody was something truly incredible. And then, in the next step, experiencing the love people give you back for creating a new song is an even better feeling than actually creating it. Me and Niall always say, it is a true win-win situation.

Yeah. Niall is the world-wide famous singer I was talking about earlier. I honestly don´t know when, how and why this with us happened, I guess it just- did. The best thing that ever just happened probably.

I was a special guest on his tour, he gave me his phone number after the concert, we went out on a date. And… well, lockdown happened. The pandemic has brought us together in his little flat in London where we were stuck, for a few months now.

All day long, we were basically annoying each other with our piano or guitar humming, but the chaos was manageable. Niall would maybe tell you otherwise though, I could be a very chaotic person sometimes.

Suddenly I heard a loud "BANG" near the kitchen aisle and immediately jumped up from my place on the sofa to run to the place where I heard the noise.

"Sorry, Eris! Just the new dishes you bought 4 months ago…" I heard Niall´s voice from the kitchen and slowed down. No one died. Good.

Wait-

"THE dishes?" When I entered the room, I saw it with my own eyes. There were sharp shards lying around everywhere. "Nialler! These were like- super expensive!" I cried out, kneeling down to pick up one rather big piece of the gorgeous, new plate with the little flowers on the edge.

I really liked those.

Not knowing what I was doing, I laid down my paper with the lyrics for the new song, the ones I actually was about to erase because they were so super romantic, and got me something to clean up  this mess.

As Niall was about to come and help me, he must´ve taken a look at my piece of paper and suddenly started laughing uncontrollably. "Did you write this?" he asked between his laughs and I´d rather suddenly vanish through a hole in the floor than answering this question.

"Well… yeah, but I was about to erase it anyways. I know it´s super cheesy." I said in an attempt to explain myself.

Niall was still laughing, but it wasn´t as embarrassing as before. "You are so cute when you´re nervous, you know that?" I looked up from my cleaning-up-the-broken-plates and gave my boyfriend a confused look. What should that mean now? "The little freckles on your nose look like they started dancing and you fidget around with your fingers on your left hand, it´s truly adorable." Niall explained his comment from earlier a little bit further and slowly took the cleaning utensils out of my right hand, just to place it next to the kitchen counter.

"Sooo, you don´t find it embarrassing?" I asked him, showing that his previous sentence confused me a little bit. Did he like it, or did he not like it?

"No, why would I find it embarrassing, it´s the truth, isn´t it? I´d rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you too, baby." he said, looking into my eyes deeply. He leaned in to give me a kiss and I pulled him close to me by grabbing his hair with my hands. Niall’s kisses always made my knees go weak. They were so full with love and could make me addicted to the feeling of his mouth against mine. It was truly amazing.

"I love you, Niall." As soon as I said it, I wish I could take the words back. It was too soon. Way too soon, to say a sentence as important as that.

"There. The freckles are dancing again." Niall laughed and wrapped me in a warm hug. "I love you too, Eris. Exited to hear the finished version of this song." and with these words, he gave me my paper back and took the cleaning utensil in his own hand to clean up the mess of shards himself.

#bemyvalentine2024 #bemyvalentineno4 #film quotes #reader x niall horan #original character #tw cursing #tw bullying #tw shards #maddys fanfic #maddys writing

[thelioncourts]

Tbh I think you are the only white loustat fan Ive seen here who is actually interested in louis as a character and not just an extension of lestat? Once you realize most of the fandom only sees louis as part of lestat's story it makes sense why there's little to no loumand content.

Let me talk about Louis. Let. Me. Talk. About. Louis.

I have been a Louis fan since I read Interview for the first time. I was....15 (?), maybe 16, and had finally convinced myself I could read Iwtv. (For those that don't know, Iwtv has been part of my life since I was born; I was named after Kirsten Dunst in the movie (my parents were raging Tom Cruise fans in the '90s, this is how that all happened) and so my whole life was 'being named from some vampire movie.' Problem? I hated blood growing up; couldn't look at it on a screen, couldn't think about it, made me nauseous. So as cool as vampires were, it took me time to read and watch it because 🤢).

Anyway.

So I read Interview, and I don't just read it, I devour it. I was obsessed. My mom had me on a book-buying ban so I couldn't buy anymore of the series, so I just reread Interview over and over again.

2-3 years later, I'm in college and have a little bit of money of my own, and I buy TVL and QotD. And -- and it took me forever to read TVL. It wasn't anything against Lestat necessarily, but 1) anyone that has read these books knows it's kind of like whiplash when you go to TVL and Lestat's narration is...well, Lestat lol and 2) I had fallen in love, long ago, with Louis' way of speaking.

But I eventually power through (and I love TVL. Arguably the best book of the series (???)). But then. Then I start getting into TotBT. And it's great! Lestat and Louis have some amazing moments and I adored so many parts of it, and it may be the general funniest book of the series. But also David is introduced and I could feel myself worrying.

Anyway, to make my relationship with book-Louis shorter, I struggled tremendously to read the rest of the series. Louis started getting mentioned less and less and less, and it became obvious for a time that he and Lestat were just. On different paths, as it seemed, and wouldn't really cross again and I was heartbroken and devastated. I missed Louis. I missed his outlooks and the way he and Lestat spoke to one another and his beauty and the way Lestat talked about him. The final "trilogy" of Prince Lestat was a godsend for me, personally, because it brought Louis back, it brought Louis and Lestat back, and it felt better, felt complete.

But! Show Louis.

So I followed the production of IwtV religiously for a while. Anne sold rights in 2016 and it seemed like it was happening! Then there was nothing for some time. I remember a vague 2019 article about it and, at that point, I was just in the "I'll believe it when I see it" category.

All of a sudden, it's happening before I even know it. And casting is announced. And I was -- so hesitant at both Sam and Jacob's casting. Sam because Lestat is such a character that I really was just like, "Can this man embody Lestat in the way Lestat should exist in this world?" (The answer is a resounding yes, x336548483929299485577838291038475747372272884) and with Jacob, I hadn't known of the time change yet and I was like....what are y'all doing?

Then I learned of the time change and I got nervous all over again because change is, y'know, sometimes scary when you know things. And Louis is everything to me and I was like, "Please do justice by him."

Oh. My. God.

There are a couple of things to mention here, namely the writing and Jacob's acting.

When it comes to the writing, I want to kiss anyone and everyone involved in developing Louis' story the way they did. Everything -- from his profession to his relationship with Paul and religion and sexuality and his mother and Grace and just -- everything, is so nuanced and beautiful and complex and having multiple episodes that showcase what all Louis really went through (both before and after being a vampire) and what he lost through all of it is just stunning. And it's one of those things that Louis' race, in particular, has made him such a better character because of what his struggles bring to the table. He is a queer black man, something that is not shown a ton in media, and he is a queer black man born into Jim Crow America, making a name for himself in a world that doesn't want him to succeed in any capacity. And he pushes and works because he's doing what's best by his family, even if they don't see it that way sometimes, and he endures because it's the only way to survive, and when vampirism comes in this box of a beautiful man promising him the world, he takes it, and yet he still tries to do good by his name, he still tries to be what he considers to be morally good. And he may be misguided on what good is, and he may be doing the wrong thing sometimes, but he is always trying. And I just think he's beautiful; both physically and emotionally beautiful.

I've found myself thinking so long and so hard on Louis' past; what his dad may have been like, what it was like being the oldest sibling and knowing he was one of the only ones that truly saw Paul and loved him, knowing that he could never be himself because queer and black and godly don't go together and just ! What was the Pointe du Lac household like when Louis started working in Storyville? What exact experiences, beyond Jonah, did Louis have with men? How many were good, were bad, were scary perhaps? Did he ever come close to an actual relationship or was he too busy saving his family and trying not to disappoint a god that wasn't there for him? What was it like when Paul was in the hospital in Jackson? Did Louis go see him and read to him, like when they were kids? And now, in Louis' vampirism, how is he going to come to terms with his blood drinking? How exactly to we go from, what we can imagine to be, absolute suicidal devastation and emptiness after losing Claudia to the flirty enigmatic boy at the bar in the 1970s flashback? When will 2022!Louis fully break, and show us that LDPDL is still very much in there and full of that specific fight that drew Lestat to him in the first place?

And JACOB. I could never have asked for a better person to play Louis. He brings everything anyone could want to the table. He's Louis' beauty, he's Louis' quiet rage, he's Louis' tenderness, he's Louis' bookishness, he's Louis' love, he's Louis in every possible way. He brings such a complexity to Louis and, most importantly, he brings him to life. I cannot think of Louis now in any other capacity than Jacob Anderson. I am so grateful for him and for the work he's put in and the way his entire heart is in this role.

So, yes. I love Louis. I love Louis as a character all on his own because he's, quite literally, everything to me.

#i can talk about louis all day #and if you're not on this post to talk about louis and how amazing he is go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #this is my louis love essay because !!! #honestly give me a pointe du lac season where it's just louis' life pre-lestat #show me grace and paul and louis hiding #and show me again how being loved by lestat was such freedom #so unexpected and beautiful to be seen by someone after hiding for so long #<3 #long post for ts #sorry i love him

[consistentsquash]

Hi ConsistentSquash, thank you a million times for recommending Pandemic. I finished reading the series at 3 am today. It is the most fantastical, magical, cathartic story I have read in fandom. It captured the essence of the hell years and the world that we have afterwards. Subversive, heartbreaking, towering and ultimately healing.

" The shadowed places in Harry's heart that had known only loneliness gleamed bright as he held in his hands what he had longed for, through four decades of keening want and wish."

"Storge is the love of a man for his family."

"She had an affinity for hawthorn trees and a horse with no name."

"2020, he had believed, would be the year he found the One."

hiya!! sorry this took so long. life is really complicated right now. but yeah! anyway.

Yay!! You found Pandemic from my rec <3 Thanks for telling me! It's so amazing when that happens. Really gives me the motivation to do more reccing.

Yep! Pandemic is incredible. Absolutely love it.

"2020, he had believed, would be the year he found the One."

I feel like a lot of folks had big plans for 2020. Then the world kind of went into suspend mode and we didn't really get back from there.

Also it's got lots of personal meaning for me. The fic that got me motivated to write my first serious rec because I really wanted to read more fics like that but those fics don't exist. I wanted to do something to encourage/celebrate the fics that actually exist.

Diversity in type of fic can be super hard to find in big fandom recs/movie recs/anything big enough because folks just read/rec the same tropes/beats... which means folks are going to write the fic that's going to get read!

Also there is a horns/halo effect. Folks feel better about reccing/reading books/movies/fic/whatever others like. They also feel more comfortable criticizing things others criticize. Sometimes that's got good reasons but a lot of times it's just because something is out of our comfort zone. There's a pretty famous letter by Scorsese abt how it can be hard for things outside the comfort zone to be taken seriously because we are looking for more reasons to criticize it.

It doesn't mean the big recs are bad/anything derogatory. These things are super subjective. Apples and oranges. But when everybody's reccing apples sometimes and you really want an orange you have to do a lot of searching by yourself to get that orange :D Some folks hate oranges. That's ok. Folks are allowed to have totally different tastes.

I love Pandemic. It made me think. It really was pretty different from the endorphin hit I get out of reading good executions of classic tropes I love. It took me outside my comfort zone like crazy. Just that part was different enough compared to what I read before and because of that reason alone worth reccing. Another commenter got the vibe spot on.

Pandemic strikes me as inescapably, painfully, bluntly in-your-face human. Whatever being human means in 2020 and 2021 for us.

The trauma. I mean Harry literally becoming an Obscurial because of depression/loneliness/lack of connection during the lockdown. oof. that fic hurt.

It was my first time reading that type of prose. The technique. Really precise until it kind of explodes into poetry? But then you realize the whole thing was poetry building up.

But more than that. It really really owns cringe. Like it decided to be cringe and owned it.

Because there is this thinking like even inside fandom how cringe means w/o talent/sophistication. We can be sometimes afraid to love something cringe unless others rec it/love it. I am the same ofc! it took me forever to own how much I like dubcon to HEA in fic. But one of the million things I love about Pandemic is how the whole concept of cringe gets turned upside down/deconstructed without getting preachy and also at the same time having one of the best stories I have read in fandom.. Just thinking abt some of the cringe/cringe adjacent things Pandemic subverted

Mary Sue/OC - Delphini Lestrange. I mean. HP fandom is more or less aligned on Cursed Child being pretty mediocre. taking that and changing it into this competent Healer archetype is pretty out there. It works. Idk if you really need to understand the trope to get the point because the first layer of the story is pretty direct.

Songfic - peak FFN baby's first fanfic cringe type thing. Pandemic is pretty intentional about using that genre with respect. A horse with no name (the Narcissa POV) is probably one of the best examples of that. Also the Shelley poetry in the Grindeldore/the jazz in Sugar Plum (the Dumbledore POV) are some of my favorite things ever.

OOC - I mean. This can be pretty gatekeeping and controversial. Sometimes folks don't want to read something they think is out of character which is totally cool. I am pretty picky about Snape characterizations. But also canon Snape is not gay so idk if my fav slash fics are in character or anything. I guess I can justify it as Canon Snape but he's gay or something like that. Anyway what I loved about Pandemic is how it starts out with OOC characterizations and builds to pretty IC characterizations. Another reccer said

Well written set of interlocking fics, with HP characters that are OOC, but have well developed back stories that bring them close to canon behavior by a totally different route

It was really cool because this is definitely the spirit of The Life of Brian/Monty Python the fics took inspiration from. Anyway I love how it did something new without worrying about getting called OOC. It owned that and made it work.

cottagecore - depending on which side of cottagecore discourse you are on folks can be pretty intense on the gatekeeping about what it means. Pandemic is cottagecore with a twist... If your cottage is the sentient Hogwarts Castle which is eating the magic of its Headmasters. But the tropes it uses are peak cottagecore. esp the dark side of cottagecore gatekeeping abt how fluff/slice of life is the only real way to do that style.

Rationality stuff- ofc depending on which side of the fandom you are in you probably know about HPMOR/adjacent type of fic which generally goes for OP/Mary Sue Harry with lots of philosophy quotes and libertarian takes. Pandemic does something pretty wild with that take. It has the philosophy of the characters in their POV keeping it super unreliable and subjective. Also feels pretty reclaiming abt philosophy. Like no its not just a weapon folks use to justify things. It's got some beauty and humans connect to it? YMMV. Idk I don't normally go for this type of thing but this was such an incredible takedown of a lot of modern political stuff and how folks justify their takes.

Modern life/loneliness. I feel like we just accept loneliness as part of modern life a lot of times because it's somehow kind of in our head that it's pretty cringe to accept we are some age and alone. Lots of reasons for that. For me personally mental health is a big one. Anyway this is a pretty incisive fic on that front. It doesn't preach. But it's super gentle and comforting/accepting? Idk I felt super comforted. Pretty different from litfic tropes abt loneliness/alientation. YMMV about realism and things like that but I don't need slashfic for realism :D

I probably got a lot of stuff wrong because the fic doesn't come with meta or serious A/N. So like don't quote me on this. Definitely not an easy read but the thinking the fic made me do is totally worth it for me.

Anyway. Pandemic is the type of fic which probably took a lot of courage to write/put out there. Because the tip of the iceberg is pretty cringe and you really need to sit with it to get the big picture. I mean a pandemic mental health/modern life loneliness fic including Cursed Child Canon and combining with mythology, astronomy and lots of economic theory and adding some of the writing tropes we normally call cringe in fandom is definitely a choice. But it worked for me. It's one of the two fics which made a huge difference in my life. So yeah! <3

#hp #fic recs #hp fic recs #harrymort #pandemic the fic #hp slash fic recs #hp slash #harrymort fic recs #asks #meta #i guess #not meta #but something #sorry im hyperfixating #on reccing #eldritcher fics

[justinmitchellfan]

MERCEDES VARNADO X ZENDAYA LOVE STORY SMUT WARNING ⚠️ PART 9 of the continuation of the woman at the bar love story

Chapter 35

Zendaya is wearing white shirt with ripped pants and shoes

I felt a quick tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see all four of my friends with balloons, flowers and camilla was holding out a cupcake with a small flame from a candle "hurry and blow it out before we get into trouble says camilla as she laughed and I gave them a slight smirk and blew out the candle and they didn't talk to me all day yesterday but my birthday was a sure fire way to make them break the ice and they did "thanks girls as I smiled and started my Line of hugs with normani "I'm still mad at you but I love you, I was gonna bake you a whole cake but you only deserve a cupcake says ally as she smirked and I grabbed her waist and pulled her into a big hug to pick her up off her feet which resulted in some hysterical laughing, ally is wrapped around my finger most of the time

After putting her back on the ground, the bell began ringing and the girls handed me my presents before walking me to class in our little squad and I took my seat in the back so the balloons and shit wouldn't be in the way, I think it's sweet but I hate when people bring balloons to school because I'm probably going to lose them and after ms mercedes finished calling for attendance, she stepped in front of the class and began speaking "now I want you all to read the first scenes of Romeo and juliet, take out a piece of paper and write down all the things you don't understand, you can talk but please be respectful to those around you says mercedes as she smiled looking over every student then stopping at me "oh, happy birthday zendaya says mercedes

"Thanks as I blushed but quickly regained myself so I wouldn't look like a idiot and the girls sat close by me so they could talk but I stayed out of the conversations, sometimes I didn't feel like I connected to them so I laid low for my own personal reasons, mostly because make up and forever 21 dosent always interest me and i tapped my pencil on the desk before looking up at the clock to see its only been 10 minutes and I internally groaned and scanned my eyes around the class to meet Ms mercedes, a small smirk formed on her face before she looked down at the papers on her desk to continue scribbling and my face began getting a little heated before I looked back down at my book and started flipping through pages so it'd look like I was actually doing something

I felt my phone go off in my pocket, I carefully pulled it out and read the text

Camilla: go to the bathroom like really quick, I got a present for you

Zendaya: I really don't wanna get up but fine, be there in a second

I got up from my seat and slowly strolled up to ms mercedes desk "may I please go to the bathroom says zendaya and mercedes smiled "yes you may, but take a pass says mercedes "sure as I responded before grabbing a pass and heading to the only clean bathroom in this whole disgusting school and I walked into the bathroom to see that there was no one even in there "what the hell camilla as I whispered to myself "what says camilla behind me which made me jump "fucking shit, I hate when you and Lauren do that to me as I complained while trying to get my heart to calm the fuck down and camilla sent me this half smirk and giggled "sorry zendaya I just didn't think you'd get here this fast says camilla

"Yeah well I wasn't working so why stay in class as I smirked sitting on the counter beside the sink "ms mercedes on your ass again says camilla as she laughed walking over to the mirror and brought out her favorite mango lip gloss, she's used that type of lip gloss ever since I met her and I shook my head "nah not today, she actually went easy on me today and camilla put the cap back on the gloss before quickly swipping her tounge over her bottom lip while walking over to me, she stood between my legs and gripped my hips "how about I go beg your English teacher to let you off detention for your birthday, maybe she'll understand says camilla

"No that's ok, my birthday will be very special tomorrow trust me as I felt a little awkward being with camilla after I went through all of that with mercedes but she didn't notice and camillas hand latched around the back of my neck and she pulled me into a kiss, I met her lips and felt a little uncomfortable so I pulled away "what says camilla as she laughed looking back at my lips and I shook my head and bit my lip hopping off the counter "I gotta get back to class, I was adventuring before I came in here says zendaya "oh says camilla sadly moving away from me and I kissed her cheek and looked back to her saying "I'll see you before detention okay says zendaya and she nodded and I exited the bathroom before running into Mr Robin and falling on the ground

He stood with his hands on his hips "where is your pass says Mr Robin and I felt down my body before getting up and smiled "I think I left it in the bathroom says zendaya "it is a hazard to not have a pass with you at all times, you're obviously trying to skip out on some class, may I know who's says Mr Robin with a proper yet boring drawl "mercedes says zendaya and Robin perked up with a smile "very well then, I'll deliver you to her classroom says Mr Robin. If I didn't know any better, this bald, lonely man had a crush on my mercedes. What are the odds and we made it to her class and he held me by my arm and walked me in

"Ms mercedes says Mr Robin in a stern voice yet happy voice "I found a nuisance that belongs to you galvavanting around this campus, I thought I'd do what I could to return her for you says Mr Robin "why thank you says mercedes with a smile and I glared over at Mr Robin "I already told you i was at the bathroom and my pass was in there if you would've just let me get it, I left it on the sink when I was washing my hands says zendaya "ms zendaya sit down says mercedes as she directed me before getting up to walk towards Mr Robin "I actually have a question for you sir say mercedes as she faded off into the hallway and kicked my seat to the back of the class before sitting down angrily, why the hell am I always in trouble

"Were you really messing around in the halls Says Lauren as she smirked and I shook my head "no, camilla asked me to me her in the bathroom, she started getting handy and I pushed her off and left her there, I just couldn't bring myself to do anything says zendaya as Ms mercedes walked back into class with a goofy smile on her face and the bell to have us released from this period rang and ms mercedes called out "don't forget to read the first few scenes and write down what you don't understand says mercedes and I packed my bag and heard my name from the front of the class "zendaya, stay after please says zendaya. What have I done now

The class filled out with normani being the last one to leave and close the door and I slipped my backpack onto my back before grabbing my balloons and flowers "you want me to take those until later says mercedes as she looked up with a smirk while she messed with the top buttons of her blouse and I nodded and put them on her desk and she stood up and leaned in to press her lips to mine and move them for a second before she pulled away "you're gonna have a very happy birthday today says mercedes as she sat back down in her leather chair and waved me off "now stay out of trouble and meet me here after school says mercedes "wouldn't miss it for the world as I responded almost skipping out of the room

Chapter 36

"So what do you have planned for this special day as I asked ms mercedes sitting on the table of the desk and she smiled walked up and stand in between my legs and grab my hips lightly as she whipped her hair out of her face "well there's a place outside of Anaheim that I have always wanted to take someone says mercedes "oh really says zendaya "mhm says mercedes as she leaned in to kiss my neck before continuing "then since you're 18, we will go back to your house says mercedes as her lips met my neck again "I like the sound of this says zendaya "and you'll get a lap dance says mercedes and I pushed ms mercedes off of me to grab her and start pulling her towards the door "what the hell are we waiting for says zendaya

Ms mercedes stopped my pull on her with a giggle and covered the beautiful mouth with her hand "lemme get my bag and your presents from your friends says mercedes and I tapped my foot impatiently and watched as she bent down in that tight skirt, my mouth almost started watering and ms mercedes stood back up with her Gucci bag on her shoulder "how about I meet you up at your house because I need you to get yourself a swim suit says mercedes "ugh fine as I ran over to place a kiss on ms mercedes cheek before running out of the classroom thinking about the exact bikini I would wear to make her head spin

----

Zendaya is wearing unbuttoned shirt with white shorts as swimwear

Mercedes turned down a rural road to pass over a bridge that was built over a small river, she drove up a dirt road on a hill and parked at the side of a cliff over a waterfall and I sat in the car for a moment and looking at her "you're taking me cliff jumping says zendaya and mercedes smiled and nodded "it's the only way I could get your ass in a swim suit says mercedes and I laughed and pulled my shirt off over my head to throw it on the floor of her car and looked over to see mercedes ogling me and I leaned over the console to connect our lips together before crawling over the gearshift to straddle her lap, my fingers ventured down to mess with the hem of her shirt and I pulled it up over her head to reveal her amazingly hot bikini top that covered her breasts in all the right ways

As I moved our lips together, I blindly reached for the car door handle to open it and swiftly get out and mercedes clicked her tounge "you really wanna be a tease to me right now says mercedes and I smiled back at her while unbuttoning my pants in her sight of vision to pull them down and reveal my white shorts, her eyes got big and I'm sure she scanned me 30 times before regaining her composure "being older gives me perks to certain things like lottery tickets, voting and teasing as I responded with a smirk "you coming or not says zendaya and mercedes hurried to pull off her skirt before getting out of her car and walking with me over to the edge and I had a slight fear of heights so looking down at this monstrous drop scared me, I was always taught to not jump off a cliff

"Don't worry says mercedes as she whispered in my ear "I'll be right in after you says mercedes and I nodded and took a deep breath before running and lunging myself off of the side of the tall rock, I held my nose and waited for the crash, my body met the slightly warm water and I dove further down than anticipated, mercedes made it down right after me and began swimming to the top before I could get to her and she reached the surface but I slowly swam up to entrap my arms around her waist before popping up and she nudged me softly "you scared me for a second, I thought you hot your head or something says mercedes and I kissed her lips and pulled her close while trying to keep my body a float "I'm glad to know you care says zendaya

"Of course I care says mercedes as she pecked my lips once more before pulling away to look in my eyes "let's go over there says mercedes and I let go of mercedes to swim after her behind the small waterfall where she Sat down on a stone slab that stood under the water about three feet, I crawled on top of her lap and began kissing her while my hands entangled themselves in her wet hair ,her long fingers slightly grazed my back while I rocked my hips into her and I pulled away to look at her and see that bright smile light up, I was able to make that happen, me and I rolled off of her and got close so she could wrap her arms around my waist and pull me close while we looked out at this beautiful scene

Mercedes ran her fingers through my tangled hair before laying her hand on my hip, we listened to the loud crash of the waterfall meeting the stilled water below "do waterfalls dry up as I asked honestly, I mean, I didn't know so I might as well ask questions "I'm sure they do says mercedes as she answered back softly rubbing circles into my skin "that's a shame and kinda scary to think about as I was going to let my mind roam "think about just sitting here and all of a sudden the water just stops, what happens to the wildlife and plants that are recipients of this water, do they find a new home or just die off says zendaya "you can ask all these questions about a damn waterfall but when it comes to Shakespeare you're numb to the situation says mercedes as she laughed and laid her chin on my shoulder

Zendaya shrugged "I guess that's just how my mind works, I'm dumb where it counts but no one has ever really expected for me to have an interest in anything besides weed or jokes says zendaya "and what's your interest besides weed or jokes says mercedes and I turned to face and laid my legs over hers before laying my hands behind me to lean back "you really wanna know as mercedes nodded "I don't think I really found my interests until I met you says zendaya and it got super quiet as mercedes stared me down which made my self conscience level spike up to uncomfortable lengths "and if that's not the Cheesiest thing I've said, I dunno what is says zendaya and mercedes licked her lips and glanced out at the scenery before looking back at me "what interests you about me says mercedes

"Well that fact that you're smoking hot dosent hurt as I joked which made her giggle lightly, God I could listen to that giggle for the rest of my life "but I like that you've got some brains with your beauty, I feel like you were underestimated when you grew up to be who you are now, I think a successful, strong independent woman is the biggest interest I could ever have in my whole life says zendaya and mercedes bit her lip and responded "you keep talking like that and you'll get two lap dances tonight says mercedes and the one thing she could make me do is laugh even during the most awkward and serious moments "but thank you says mercedes as she continued "what are your interests besides teaching half-brained high school students you meet at a bar says zendaya as she smirked

"I sing says mercedes as she admitted with a soft voice "are you any good says zendaya and you always have to ask these questions and mercedes nodded "yeah I am, I always wanted to make a life out of singing but my mom told me it wasn't 'practical' so I did as I was told and studied to be an English teacher says mercedes "sing to me says zendaya as she smiled and mercedes shook her head vigorously "no no I can't says mercedes "why not, it's just you, me and the waterfall, sing me some Beyonce or something as I smiled scanning her face to see her begin to come out of her shell just a little "ok ok says mercedes as she cleared her throat and began to sing, I didn't expect to hear what I heard but when I did I knew I fell in love

"If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll outta bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go drink beer with the guys and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it cause they'd stick up for me. If I were a boy I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl, I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted cause he's taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed" her voice was like the sound of a thousand angels descending from heaven, I thought her giggles and moans were hot but this took the cake, her voice was absolutely remarkable and beautiful, I was beginning to think she was a robot because I don't understand how someone can be this perfect

Although she's not a robot because the water would've shorted her circuits out by now, my mouth was dropped and I was at a loss for words, she fiddled with her fingers under the clear water and looked down "was I that bad says mercedes "are you fucking kidding me as I hollered "fuck Beyonce, you're my queen baby says zendaya, I've never seen someone's smile brighten up so much at just those small words

------

Zendaya is wearing a t-shirt with boxer briefs

"Babe, I'm ready are you sitting in that seat as mercedes called out from the hallway while I was seated in a chair with my hands aching to touch her and she left me here to 'change' and I was basically throbbing in my shorts just thinking about what she'd be wearing and a familiar base filled song by Chris brown played loudly throughout the house and mercedes clicked her heels into the room and my eyes widened seeing her beauty while being half naked, her beautiful tan body was absolutely flawless in that skimpy thong, her bra was so tight that I'm sure if she did anything too 'athletic' they'd pop right out of the cups "here we are all alone in this room and girl I know where to start and what we're gonna do"

Mercedes walked around my chair with this fire in her eyes until she was behind me, her hands grazed over my torso but she made sure she'd stop right at my tits before walking back around to stand in front of me "I'll take my time we'll be all night girl so get ready babe I got plans for me and you" mercedes got on her knees and used her hands to spread my legs before slowly eye fucking me while Standing up to straddle one of my legs "it ain't my first time but baby girl we can pretend, hey let's bump and grind girl tonight we'll never end" her core slowly grinded on the skin of my thigh to the beat of the music "let me take you down, I really wanna take you down and show you what I'm about, can I take you now, your body body oh, your body body up and down"

Mercedes got up and decided to straddle both of my legs and rock her hips into mine at the exact same beat of the audio "so don't stop girl get it, quit playing wit it, can't wait no more, I wanna take you down, I really wanna take you down, take you down yeah" my hands were aching to touch her, I ran my hands up her torso and grabbed her tits but she stopped me with a smirk to put her hands over mine and crawl off of my lap while the song continued "pretty girl let's take it off in this room, no time to waste girl you know what we came to do" mercedes clicked her heels back behind my chair to reach for the t-shirt I had on and pull it off over my head, she used the oversized shirt to tie my hands behind my back quickly almost as if she's done this before and with the confidence she was showing, I'm sure she has

"We got all night to try to get it right girl, I hope you're ready babe, cause here we go, we know how we do, it ain't my first time but baby girl we can pretend, hey let's bump and grind girl tonight, we'll never end" mercedes hurried to get back in front of me and straddled my other leg to do the same core rubbing on my other thigh "you're freaking now baby, like a pro baby, and I bet that you think you know baby like a pro baby, so what you wanna do" mercedes got up to straddle my waist and press her tits in my face, almost making me crave her at dangerously high levels "let me take you down, I really wanna take you down and show you what I'm about, can I take you down now, your body body oh, your body body up and down" her hands traveled down my bare body which caused her nails to send scratches up and down my soft skin

My hands began slipping out of the 'tie' and did what I could to keep my hands my back but mercedes comfortably rocked into me and began moving her lips against mine which caused me to become weak so as the last parts came up, I picked her up by her thighs and switched our positions in the chair "so don't stop girl get it, quit playing wit it, can't wait no more, I wanna take you down, I really wanna take you down, take you down yeah" her hips continued to roll into Mr even after I switched our positions which made me turn into an animal as the music came to a stop and she grew breathless and her hand was resting on the back of my neck and our eyes met for at least 5 seconds before I leaned in to start kissing her again, this time I was much softer

Chapter 37

Tonight ,mercedes and I didn't just 'fuck' we made love, not to get cheesy or anything but this felt different, this felt like she actually cared and I laid breathless on top of her and softly gave her a kiss on my lips before staring off into space "vice principal Jones wants me to help chaperone the stupid fling spring sats mercedes as she laughed massaging the skin of my stomach with her fingers "what he doesn't know is that my ass is quitting on him tomorrow says mercedes "I'm going to that says zendaya as she told mercedes softly "you are going to the spring fling says mercedes as she laughed "why says mercedes "Camilla asked me to says zendaya as she told mercedes honestly and she shifted uncomfortably under me and responded "oh says mercedes

"Well you don't have to sound disappointed as I laughed turning my body to face her and she grabbed my thigh to pull my leg over hers and mercedes brushed my hair out of my face and looked me deep in the eyes before grabbing my hand underneath the covers "have you thought about Seattle says mercedes. Truth is,that's the only thing that's been on my mind it's the reason why I haven't been able to do anything with camilla, I don't have a clear conscience and I nodded to her and she continued to ask me the question "and what do you wanna do says mercedes and I sighed out knowing in the back of my mind that Lauren had a point if I leave, there's no chance of me graduating, I hate school and I'm only being forced to go for 12 years not counting kindergarten or pre k

I don't want to be held back because my dumb ass doesn't know a six from a nine, on the other hand , if I don't go,I risk the chance of mercedes moving on with someone else which would crush me, she is a beautiful woman so there's no doubt in my mind that someone more amazing could come along and steal her from me and mercedes softly brushed on the skin of my hip with her thumb "well don't keep me waiting says mercedes "I can't as I told her in a soft voice that almost broke "oh says mercedes as she frowned which made my heart break, she Paused for a moment then looked at me with furrowed eyebrows "is this because of her says mercedes "you have got to be kidding me as i shook my head and sat up with the sheets pulled over my body and off of her

Mercedes sat up, absolutely nude and put her hand on my thigh "what, I can't ask questions, I just thought I'd make sure says mercedes as her frown quickly turned into a smile "I still know you'd pick me over her any day says mercedes "and how do you know that says zendaya as she smiled and mercedes responded with a soft face "because you love me says mercedes "and you love me says zendaya as the hope was strong in her voice "of course says mercedes and mercedes got on top of me to straddle my waist and kiss softly over the brusies she made on my neck before pulling away to look into my eyes "how about this, since you aren't going to come with me, I'll just come back to get you when school is through says mercedes

"Wait you'd do that as I asked suprised that she was willing to come back for me maybe she really did love me and mercedes nodded and quickly pecked my lips "in a heartbeat, I wanna come to your graduation and cheer for you then afterwards you and I can catch up with a little celebration and figure out where to go from there says mercedes and her lips met mine for a few more pecks before I responded feeling her soft skin press to mine "I'd want nothing more says zendaya

----

FRIDAY AFTERNOON: 2:57 PM

All day I had been an emotional wreck, on Edge at every little thing and definitely upset, today was the day that ms mercedes would be resigning her job here, it sucked because it finally felt like it was happening, that she'd be out of my life so soon and I didn't want that to happen and I closed my locker and turned around to see Lauren with a frown on her face and her arms stretched out "come here mija says Lauren and I hurried into her arms and began bawling while the hallways began to fill and the last bell rang and released more kids into the hall which made me straighten up before I pulled away, Lauren rubbed my arm and said "you might not think about it now but you're doing the right thing says Lauren

Zendaya nodded "yeah yeah it just hurts says zendaya and normani and the other girls walked up with glares towards me "you better stop all that crying, we have a night to remember planned today and there will be no tears unless they're because of some drunk mistakes says normani "what's wrong says camilla in a worried voice and u shook my head and wiped under my water line to clean myself up "nothing, I just stubbed my fucking toe in P.E again and it may be broken says zendaya "those hurt like a bitch says normani as she whined and ally slapped her on the arm "stop with your profanity, kordei says ally and just as I was about to laugh, ms mercedes left her room with a stern look on her face, she didn't make eye contact with me and I know why

"Do You have detention says normani as she asked with a hopeful tone and I nodded to her "well shit, okay, we'll just have to see you at your house to help you get ready says normani "I'm a grown ass woman, I can dress myself says zendaya as she smirked and normani eyed me up and down "girl bye, you look like you pulled this out of your laundry hamper says normani "it was the clean one says zendaya as she responded with a smirk "yeah ok says normani as she laughed

-----

I was sitting in ms mercedes classroom just waiting for her to return, 40 minutes of detention had already gone by, it doesn't take this long to quit, does it and just as I thought that, mercedes walked into the room with a goofy smile "oh shit says mercedes as she gasped clutching her chest "I didn't expect you to still be here says mercedes and I got up from my desk to follow her to hers "so did you do it, how did it go, did he yell, I've heard him yell a lot says zendaya and mercedes smiled and sat down in her leather chair to pat her lap and I took her up on the offer and sat down on top of her and mercedes arms snaked around her waist while I stared at her "I didn't do it says mercedes "well then why were you gone for 40 minutes says zendaya

"I told him I would be able to chaperone tomorrow night says mercedes as she smiled and I rolled my eyes at her absolute jealousy "you're gonna watch me with camilla huh says zendaya and mercedes nodded "more or less but only because I know she starts it and you just go along with it, I just want you to know that I'm watching all night, there's no one getting in between camilla except me says mercedes "oh really as I pressed my lips to her neck making a slight moan leave her mouth "yeah really says mercedes as she responded back shortly

Chapter 38

Normani raised her red solo cup in the air and announced out loud to the other 4 girls around me "to zendaya and 18 more years to come says normani "that only leaves me at 36 as I laughed feeling my arm get tired of it being held in the air "fine 100 more years to come says normani as she continued and each of the girls changed their cups together and cheered out "salud" before taking their gulps of Lauren's jauregui concoction and ally whined at the taste "ew, I can't believe you all talked me into this, I'm gonna get drunk says ally and I wrapped my arm around her neck to pull her in close "don't worry alls, I won't let you do anything too stupid says zendaya and multiple cups full of drinks later and the house was bumping with loud music and drunk ass messes

While the girls were jamming in the living room, I walked into the kitchen to fill my red solo cup full of vodka because I'm tired of waiting for drunk Lauren to make me another drink and I started sipping on it before making my way out to the backyard, after sitting down on the patio chair, I felt the buzz build up more and more, I want to talk to mercedes and I checked to see if the girls were watching before I pulled out my phone to press my 'favorites' and dial mercedes number and I took another sip while waiting for the phone to stop ringing and someone to answer it "hello says mercedes "mercedes says zendaya as she asked "yes says mercedes "babe says zendaya and mercedes giggled lightly "yes what's up sats mercedes

"Babe I miss you as I smiled and brought the cup up to my mouth "I miss you too baby, are you drunk right now says mercedes as she sounded very cheery and I liked it "just a teensy-weensy bit says zendaya "oh I bet, so how's your night with the girls, you aren't getting into any trouble are you says mercedes and I loved hearing her voice, the way she spoke to me "naaah and it's good but I want you says zendaya as she told mercedes honestly "do you now says mercedes as her voice turned a little husky which sent chills down my spine "ok dime piece says zendaya "yes says mercedes "hey you know my birthday was yesterday and all says zendaya

Mercedes laughed again and almost sent me into an eargasm "yes I remember your birthday quite well says mercedes "maybe you and I should like run off to reno and get really fucking drunk says zendaya "and then get married says mercedes and I could hear her smile through the receiver "woah there as I smiled at the thought "only if you want to says zendaya "maybe one day says mercedes as she replied "but only after you get a job so you can provide for my expensive taste says mercedes "yeah, your red bottom heel collection is enough to make any rich bitch go broke says zendaya as she responded and mercedes laughed hysterically "that's true but you really should be with your friends right now says mercedes as she told me "call me tomorrow before the dance and maybe we can meet up somewhere in the school one last time says mercedes

"I like the sound of that as I told mercedes softly "good, now go drink responsibly and make sure to call me tomorrow says mercedes "mercedes as I couldn't get my mind off of this topic, I have to say it "what babe says mercedes and I licked my lips before letting the words fall out "I love you says zendaya and mercedes paused for a moment but with a comfortable voice she replied "I love you too, goodnight says mercedes and I couldn't help but smile like a idiot as I replied "goodnight" before hanging up the call and all of the girls walked outside with a brownie on a plate and a candle on top of it, not a lit one of course and Lauren held it out and with a sloppy smile she spoke "we can't light it because ally thinks we're too drunk for fire says Lauren

"We are says ally as she laughed before taking another sip of her 'jauregui' "let's sing happy birthday to zendaya, 1..2..3 says Lauren as she smiled and the girls began to sing to me and I almost blushed to hard that I could've popped a blood vessel "happy birthday dear zendaya, happy birthday to you as the girls finished and I laughed and I picked up the plate and let the girls group hug me while camilla gave me a kiss on the cheek "Lauren Said this is a 'special brownie', it's got like powers and stuff says camilla and I looked over at Lauren with a smirk and she said to me "no its not powerful, well not in the magic way, nice guy Harry gave it to me because he knows they're your favorite edibles says Lauren

"Remind me yo get that guy a Cadillac if I'm ever rich because he deserves it as I smiled diving into the brownie

-----

Everyone except normani and I were passed out ,it was occasional when she was able to hang and luckily she drank accordingly so she could talk to me ,I was usually the last one to pass out when we drank and everyone knew that, usually if someone wanted to have a drunk conversation with me, they'd try their hardest to stay up and normani smiled looking down at the two other girls who had fallen asleep on the floor of my living room "where's camilla says normani "my guess is my room as I smiled throwing my legs over normanis longer ones, they were actually very soft "can I ask a question but like you don't get mad as drunk Mani Said to me and I nodded and leaned back to have her speak to me "do you like camilla says normani "of course I do says zendaya

"No I mean like do you want to start a relationship with her says normani and this was obviously a serious question to her "I can't says zendaya "why not says normani and zendaya sighed out deeply "Camilla is so nice and sweet and beautiful- says zendaya "I don't hear a bad thing yet says normani as she interuppted "lemme finish as I spoke up and glared at her "she's the perfect woman, I'm just not over 'Hailey' as I took a second to remember the fake girls name but I eventually got it "when you get over 'Hailey', are you going to go for camilla says normani "why do you wanna know so bad says zendaya

Normani sighed out and started messing with the bottom of her shirt "cause she's my best friend like you're my best friend, I care about her and her feelings, you know she has those right says normani and I nodded sadly thinking about the guilt from using her to get over my stupid issues "it's just that if this doesn't mean anything, you gotta tell her, then afterwards you two still wanna fuck until your brains are leaking, be my guest I mean, you can't get pregnant so I'm not worried and with the amount of sex you two have had I'm sure one of you would be pregnant with twins if the other had a dick says normani "okay enough as I laughed "I'll talk to her at the dance tomorrow okay says zendaya and normani smiled widely and got up to pull me off of the couch

"Now go to your bed because I called the couch says normani as she lightly tapped my ass so that I would jump up out of suprise and leave with a huge smile on my face

#Spotify

[ywnrt2022]

To You, From Me

You’ll never read this and that’s okay. I think I need to write the things I need to write without caring about if the intended audience is there to read it. So here it goes.

I think I am lost without you. Not romantically but in life. When we met I think you cared more about our friendship than I did, and then my world changed and suddenly you were my life saver. I’m here because of you and I think you, and anyone else who paid attention knows that too. 

I remember coming out to you like it was yesterday and not 15 years ago. We were at Space Center Houston to watch Drew Seeley. Which now thinking back on it was one of the first times we had hung out outside of school, or our houses. After the tiny concert he put on we went and sat in a boat in the middle of the plaza. We were sitting at this table talking about anything and everything. I just remember thinking “I trust this girl to not hate me for what I am about to tell her.” So I told you. I came out to someone for the second time in as many days. You hugged me, told me you loved me, and that nothing had changed. Sadly, 

Me coming out changed a lot of things for our friendship, and I’ll always regret falling for my idealized version of you. I’ll never regret loving you in all the ways friends and best friends love each other, but I will always kick myself for ruining what we had with the love I should have never pushed. I wanted you to love me back so much because you saw and knew every part of me; and if you could love me maybe that meant the right person could learn to love me too. 

I truly believe you taught me more about life, love and friendship than any book, tv show, song, or movie you ever showed me or I ever found on me own combined. I would get lost in all of the media you would present me. A glimpse into how you felt, or maybe thought about me. (Gosh, the way I felt the day you told me you thought about me when it came to the song Odd One - Sick Puppies) I would learn every story and knew every lyric because you said it meant something to you, and I wanted to mean something to you too. Forever. I didn’t wanna lose the friendship that told me “Hey, I love you for your flaws. I understand that you’re learning new things about yourself and I wanna be there to learn about them too. You’re not alone.”

The day I knew our friendship was over, to never be the same, hurt more than not realizing that my 21st birthday was one of the last days I smiled when I thought about you. I remember it so clearly. We were roommates and you took me to Genghis Grill. I don’t remember much about the lunch, but I remember you paid and that being one of the first times you had ever done that for me. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that day, and I had bought the album and we were in your car listening to “Blank Space” just jamming. 

I don’t know why I am writing this part, maybe because Taylor Swift and Genghis Grill will never not remind me of you. I want to analyze lyrics with you again. I want to send songs that means so much to us back and forth. I want my friend back, but I know I’m the reason we fell. I’m the reason we fell, and I can’t quite seem to convince myself that I wasn’t the only one who pushed the other off the tightrope of our friendship. 

I think losing you gradually instead of all of a sudden hurt most of all. You were still there every day at home, at school. I still yearned to be wanted in your life, but I knew it was hurting too much to try to force my self in to the life you had built in this city before you invited me to come and I showed up. I wanted so bad for you to want me around, and I wanted the knowledge that you were going a little crazy knowing we were floating away. 

Your graduation party was the last thing I thought I would have been invited too, and when I saw the invitation I was shocked! I felt as though we were too far away, I had this new life and fiancé, and those two worlds had never collided. It was fun though. I showed up to your childhood home, where so many of my memories took place. Your sister’s jumped in my arms the second I showed up, almost like it was normal. Thinking back on it now, I think that was the best and worst feeling. Because losing you meant I lost my second family. The family that took me in, and loved me as one of their own. Who made me feel seen and cared for. And I think that hurts most of all. 

Now after all this rambling, I know that if I were to see you tomorrow I would be as happy as I was when we were teenagers. I know we would run and hug each other in the way in which we wouldn’t let go. We would talk and catch up as if it hasn’t been 4 years since we last saw each other. I know all these things, but I also know I would be scared that my heart would remember our friendship and the longing for the past would come back. (Which is stupid because we aren’t those teenagers anymore)

All I know and will always know is that I will never regret meeting you. I will never regret giving you my all and putting my everything in to our friendship. I learned more in the 8 years you were my best friend than I had in the last 7 years without you. You may never read this, but I like to think that if you did you would remember the good things. And that maybe out friendship affected you too. 

Thank you to who you were and who you have become. Because of you I am me. And that’s the greatest gift you have ever given me.  

#Blog for blog sake #You will never read this #first of many #long #complicated #cathartic