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#it seriously doesnt even feel like january like i dont know what month my mind thinks it is but its definitely not january
yutadori · 3 years
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um next month is february??? wtf...
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wickymicky · 5 years
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sorry im dumb but in that post are u serious about not knowing ggd members or are u just trying to make a point?
a little of both unfortunately :/ i think i know most of them but i dont think i could match all their names to their faces. and again, like, this is probably because i havent looked much into them beyond the handful of music videos. i really like Ice Chu and Not That Type and i think Chococo and A Girl Like Me are pretty good, but I’m just not as into Gugudan overall as a complete thing start-to-finish as other groups. I like them more than I like WJSN at the moment (tho im feeling that start to change, i might start taking WJSN a lot more seriously lol i can feel myself maybe becoming a real fan), and while I can probably list all 13 WJSN members off the top of my head, I definitely couldnt match them all to their faces lol. that has more to do with me just seeing a lot more WJSN content on my dash than Gugudan content though, cause WJSN is a lot more active than Gugudan (if ggd doesnt have a comeback before 2019 is over… i’m gonna legit cry i would feel so bad for them). i just see WJSN’s members names written out more often i guess. 
still though, lemme try to name the 8 (9) gugudan members off the top of my head, without looking up a list
mina, sejeong, nayoung, hyeyeon, sally…. uhhh… mimi? the one with an h sounds like hani doesnt it? hana? that’s 7… fuck… one of them just had a birthday and it’s like…. hye-something? hyo-something? or am i thinking of hana/hani? 
fuck i just looked it up, i forgot soyee and the one i was thinking of is haebin. 
like, don’t take this the wrong way, none of what i’m saying is out of any sort of dislike for them lol. it’s just like… i’m a fan of some of their songs, sure, but not *enough* of a fan to watch all their appearances on shows and such, or reality shows if they have any, that kind of thing. im a fan of a ton of groups, and theres only so much time lol. and like, you know, i’ll probably keep accumulating knowledge about them and i’ll probably look back on this and laugh at myself, but you know, you dont know everything about every group you like haha. i can only name two members of Apink and like one or two members of Oh My Girl and Pristin and Girls Generation as well, cause like i just haven’t dived deeper into those groups. i like G Idle, but tbh i get everyone who isnt Soyeon and Yuqi confused. Nature? i dont really know any of them by face. but like, i didnt know every Loona member at first haha, and i didnt know every Fromis 9 member until a couple months after i started liking them (cause i dived deeper and fell way harder for them than i did initially, lol). 
i’m really new to kpop. i don’t remember the exact date, but i got into it like a week or two before Loona’s Butterfly came out. my first kpop song was Hi High, but i first heard it in late January of this year. with that in mind, the knowledge ive managed to accumulate about like 15+ groups is kind of amazing lmao, how the hell do i fit all that shit up there… is this why my memory is so bad in my day to day life? maybe lol
oh oh oh i was gonna end it there, but i forgot my point starting out, like to answer your question it was a little of both. i just explained the not-knowing thing, but also yes it was to prove a point too. in so many gugudan videos… they really focus on Sejeong, Mina, and Nayoung, such that someone like me who didnt even know what IOI was when i first watched a gugudan video, only remembered those three. well, okay, actually the first one i saw was Not That Type and Mina doesnt actually do that much in that song, but like you know in all the other songs she’s a heavy focus. that’s why Jellyfish made Gugudan SeMiNa, you know? sigh…. and like unfortunately there’s really not a ton of difference between Gugudan SeMiNa and regular Gugudan. like that’s something i wanna make sure i get across, haha, i WANT to know all the members, i WANT them all to stand out. i dont like that i dont know them all, i wish i did. i could make the effort to learn them, sure, but with some groups like Loona and Dreamcatcher, you don’t have to put in any effort of your own because they do such a good job of familiarizing you with the members just in the music videos alone, albeit in different ways haha. 
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king-macabre · 5 years
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Sometimes you need to vent into the abyss..
Broke up with my girl a couple months ago. Wasn't super happy because she, as a person, needed to grow. Unfortunately, I felt like it wasn't going to happen even with all of the help I tried to give. We went on a break after fighting on Thanksgiving, all the while expecting to get back together. After a few weeks I pulled the shute and ended it based on how i felt emotionally. We had hooked up a couple times afterwords up until my birthday in January where we had plans together. I listened to my friends and went out "with the guys" and bailed on her, which is uncharacteristic of me since I usually keep my word. They were telling me I needed to move on, even though I was starting to see progress in her growth and was starting to feel I should tell her I was interested in giving it another try. I asked her to dinner shortly after that to see how she felt. Found out that(to sum it all up) when I bailed on our plans for my birthday she hooked up with someone after previously telling me something different. I shouldn't have been surprised since I'm sure she needed to take her mind off the pain I had dealt her with the break up. I told her I understood and she went home. For the next week, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I've never had the same recurring thought so much in my entire life. That I had seriously fucked up. Now my previous relationship was somewhat damaging- having being cheated on- and that person had held a special place in my heart until then. I feel like this blinded me to the love and caring I was given throughout this newest relationship. I told her the Sunday night we needed to talk because this was eating a hole in my soul. I wanted her back, I realized I had fucked up, she was everything I wanted, I felt like I had also done alot of growing in the time apart. We met up, i couldn't even keep it together. I broke down for about 10 mins before i could even muster up the words to tell her how i felt. I couldn't think of her with anyone else, the thought of her with this dude had fucked me up bad. Now one thing I did say when we were on our break was I loved her, but I wasn't sure I was IN love with her, and to me that was big. I felt guilty for her loving me so much and for me not being able to show my true emotions. I'm a very secluded person when it comes to feelings about someone I'm with because of how my last relationship ended. It took that week of me constantly mulling over how I felt with her, how natural everything was, how she was one of my best friends, she got along with everyone and did so much and put me before her, to really realise I did love her, and that it had taken the shock of her finding this other dude for me to realise that. After both of us turning into a bubbling pile of emotions and talking things through all night, she told me it was too late and she was dating this guy now. I think I felt my soul leave my body when that happened. I've never felt so empty before, like I became a shell right then and there. The one thing she said that really made it worse was "what took you so long to tell me ..?" Because up until her decision, she wanted me back too. She waited for months. Probably in as much or more pain then I was in. ....and I fucking did nothing. I went on with my life. How the fuck could I have done that? What the fuck was wrong with me.. I should have tried harder to help her through her shit. I was giving it so much effort but I should have just stuck it out.. I was being a fucking lazy asshole and not fighting for what I wanted..
Looking at it now, it would be tough for us to have a healthy relationship at this stage, what with her family despising me for causing her so much emotional pain, her friends thinking I'm a piece of shit - even though these would be her coworkers(who I literally met once) and her new friends(which was one thing she didn't really have while we were together- a stable group of caring friends). This is why I have to move on. Maybe there will be a time where we'll be able to try again, but sadly I dont think it's possible in the near future..
She left that night and I havent seen her since. I still talk to her as friends, she is after all one of my best, regardless of the situation, or how unhealthy it might be for me to do so. I Unfollowed her from all social media, gathered up all of our pictures and put them away. I cant see her with this dude, or almost in general for that matter because I still fucking miss her so much. I also find it weird her new boyfriend is understanding of our situation and doesnt mind her texting me, but ok. At the end of the day I want her to be happy. Weather that's with me or someone else, so be it. I cant dwell on something that I essentially have no control over. I know I need to move on and this is part of why I'm writing this. To get things off my chest, to maybe come back and see this post in the future and remember a lesson from all of this. Deep down though.. I still fucking want her back.
Here's to the new chapter of my life, may the doors be forever open.
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akhila-aa · 6 years
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My life in Street Gangs
Day 1
1. Themes from the article:
Violence
Gang activity
Redemption
Change
Anger
~Thoughts~
I relate to Segun’s family life.
I didnt know Scarborough had gangs
Day 2
The main theme I chose to write about is Redemption. Redemption is when a change happens for the better, it is the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt. In this case, Segun has gone through his struggles and problems with gangs and gang violence and has reached the stage where he is redeeming himself from that lifestyle. Segun, as a teenager was only around gangs. He didn't even know he was getting initiated in a gang, he just thought he was going to make some friends in the neighbourhood. He has lived a life in these gangs where he did things, bad things that caused himself and others around him hurt. He has reached redemption after murdering Daniel by going to several jails, such as Mapelhurst Correctional Complex, Don Jail and Fenbrook, we can start to see a change in him when he was in Fenbrook, here is where he felt alone and scared. After this, he wanted to change himself, he started to see priest and go to anger management classes to do that. After he got out of jail, he reached this stage in redemption where he started to help others by running youth programs where he educated youth on marginalization and violence. What Segun’s story is telling readers about redemption is that you don't need to be defined by your past, you can redeem yourself and create yourself a better future. You can do many bad things in your life, like joining a gang, selling drugs, lying, cheating even killing but it’s whether you decide to continue living that kind of lifestyle or you create yourself a path for redemption. I feel I can compare Segun’s life and his path of redemption to my life, I didn't do anything crazy like join a gang or kill someone but I went thorough a time in my life where I was very depressed because my dad had left my family and caused many problems. Through grade 7 and grade 8, I acted very recklessly in school, I wouldn't do my homework, show attitude to to my teachers, get into fights with my classmates. I even caused trouble at home, then one day, my mom was arguing with me to clean my room and I was not listening to her she, snapped during our argument then told me she hated the way I was acting and that I was acting like my father, this is the first time I’ve seen my mom cry. At that moment, I realized how irrationally I’ve been acting and decided to change. I started going for counseling sessions at my mom’s hospital where she works and seeing my priest  as well. I learned that all this was coming from me being alone and angry because my father left, I soon found that I didn't need to be the way I am, I can redeem myself from my horrible behaviour, and I did. I became a good student, made friends back at school and I established a better relationship with my family. In that way, me and Segun has reached redemption in our lives.
Day 3:
Janet B.
says:
January 27, 2016 at 3:48 pm
Everyone has the choice to change their circumstances. That’s what this story is about. If you’re stuck in a job you hate, do something about it. Go back to school or study a trade to expand your experience. Maybe a story about a minimum wage worker that was unhappy and changed their life would get a great response. That’s a totally different topic. This story has a positive message. It seems like you might have missed that.
This comment seems to be a response to some hate that Segun has been getting for the actions he has committed. This comment caught my eye from first sentence, “ Everyone has the choice to change their circumstances”. People seem to have this idea in their head that change cannot happen, especially a drastic change like Segun’s. This is such a horrible way to think, how do you expect to everyone to be perfect? how do you expect everyone to have such pure, trouble free past?, ln life, different people get into situations that at  time don't realize how bad it is, as long as the person learns from the mistakes they made and strive for a better life, I don't think people have the right to criticize your past. If you are unhappy with the way your living your life, you must change something. You may think there is no way to change it, but there always is. Like this comment says, “If you’re stuck in a job you hate, do something about it. Go back to school or study a trade to expand your experience.” Just because Segun’s story wasn't this pure, happy go lucky, I won the lottery kind of success story, they think he does not deserve the same type of praise a person typically would. The gang lifestyle is something that millions of people adopt because it is the only lifestyle they grew up around, others are forced in to it. It is very difficult for someone like Segun who was in a a gang to get out and pursue their dreams. I like this comment because it tells the people who don't like Segun’s story that his story is different but it has a positive message that anyone can take away from it. You dont need to be a deliquent to completely change your life for the better, you can change your life even if you are at a stable place in your life. In the end, its all going to depend on your happiness and how you get  your happiness in life.
Day 4:
Does Segun deserve a second chance?
I absolutely think that Segun deserves a second chance. Segun lived a life where he had caused numerous people pain including himself but he still deserves a second chance. The first reason I think he deserves a second chance is because his effort of bettering himself. When he was in Fenbrook, is where he started to realize that being in jail wasn't the place he wanted to in, “I relied on the same old power structures. I used my conviction as a street stripe”. He realized that this conviction he had didn't mean anything, although he felt that he was being respected in jail, he figured out that respect was just ultimately fear. After a year, he started bettering himself by going to anger management and talking to priests, then the next six months he started writing a book about peer pressure, single-parent households, racism, low incomes, getting shunted around the education system, precarious housing. From this I see that Segun is bettering himself by educating others on the struggles he went through and giving them a perspective of his life. He has done so much since his arrest for murdering Danilo, He teamed with two entrepreneurs and received $25,000 Ontario Trillium Grant to start a trades program. If i were to read this article and see that he did not do anything to better himself or his community, I would say he does not deserve a second chance because he would just continue back to his old gang activities but he changed, If anyone is willing to change for the better and you know they are serious about it, they deserve a second chance.
The second reason I think Segun’s deserves a second chance is for his family. Segun’s family life had a big impact on him and was ultimately how he got caught up in gangs. He had a really good family life when he first moved to Canada,  “My dad, Johnson, was a chemist who got his degree at the University of Waterloo and later ran a water filtration business in St. Bernardin. My mom, Mosunmola, pursued a nursing degree. Our house was huge, at the end of a long, winding driveway. We had to drive to a nearby farm to pick up our eggs, and our neighbours had two cows that I called John and Deere. For our first few years in Canada, it all went well. I won math awards at school and learned how to play chess with my sister. My dad would make me write essays when I got home—education was very important to him. He wanted me to become a doctor’‘.  I feel like if Segun’s family life continued like this, none of this gang activity would have happened. After his mom died is when he started acting up in school. I feel like Segun did not know how to cope with the tragedy of losing his mother, so he decided to take his anger and sadness to the streets. I feel like this happens with alot of black men who go through these hard times, they dont know how to talk about their feelings so they join a group of boys who are most likely going through the same thing- and that how a gang is created. ‘Cops always talk about getting young black men off the streets. Stopping us before we take that first step. But they have it wrong. Nobody takes a first step into gang activity. Toronto police use the term “gang” to describe anything from four boys playing dice on the corner to a full-fledged Hells Angels crew. I don’t like the word. What they’re really referring to is a group of people banding together—opportunists without opportunities”.
Would I change my mind if Danilo Celestino was my brother?
I would not change my mind if Danilo Celestino was my brother, I still think Segun deserves a second chance. I feel like both Segun and Danilo both equally did things wrong in that situation. Danilo did stab Segun first which made Segun act and stab him back, this doesnt mean that Segun should not pay for his actions but it wasn't just his fault. I feel like Danilo is similar to Segun in a way, they both were engaging in illegal activities, they both seemed like troubled teens. If Danilo stabbed Segun more seriously the first time, he would be in the exact situation that Segun is in right now. I dont think the fact Segun had more of a bad rep should cover the fact that Danilo also made some choices that got into the situation of him getting murdered. It may sound a bit harsh and heartless when said like this but I really am thinking about the situation rationally. If Danilo was my brother and he killed Segun, I would want him to get a second chance in the same way.
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heyitshera · 7 years
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Road to RPh
so basically I just wanted to share about my experience while reviewing for the PLE that I took last March 9 & 10, 2017 that I unexpectedly PASSED (subhanALLAH) I was beyond happy and literally felt like on cloudnine when I saw my name on the LIST OF PASSERS that was released (03/14/17) earlier than I expected to come out. Yes I was so happy I was sobbing of happiness because I really never thought I would make it. yes to be honest I didn’t had the confidence that I would actually grab it in just one take (tho I was continually praying and hoping for it I would) because I really had a hard time during review days even on the day of boards it was so hard for me like seriously I feel like out of 6 modules, the only modules that I’m sure of are Modules 1 and 6 because that was the only modules wherein I could say almost 40% of what I’ve studied came out like seriously same questions and choices. haha Then Module 2, 3, 4 & 5 was the hardest for me (kulang nalang lahat eh huhuhaha) **During Review Days** it was around August-September 2016 when I started to enroll myself on review center (ACE) right after graduation (July 2016) literal na walang pahinga bes, no breaks like after school days, had my major internship then started to attend the review in ACE already. I could say attending the lectures were worth it somehow because the lecturers for the modules that I am weak in are so good so it gave me the interest to attend everyday (yes I never skipped classes as for I know with myself that I need more of stock knowledge because I feel like they’re always stucked up haha) then there goes having mastery tests and honestly I only passed Inorg (Module 1) because I never get the chance to study well on the other modules and I also got lazy because that time was like the months of my laziness like the only thing I know is I’m tired I need rest first lol then we had our Mockboard, 3 times. and yes again my percentage still didnt make it to the passing rate like I need 10% more to pass. Then around September-October was like the rest month and supposed to be the month for self-studying but then my lazyass always end up wasting time so I decided to attend classes again in ACE (at Cebu) around November-December to improve myself and my study habits but then again we had mastery tests, I still didnt passed lol I dont even know why what happened to myself during those days, I just dont have the mood to study at all because I feel like it’s just useless and it’s just like the version 2.0 of my first review so I even decided to just finish to attend the lectures then I’m going home haha yes I didn’t took the last mockboards we had in December because I already knew I would just flop. Honestly when the rumors of PLE (supposed to be January 2017) got moved, I was so happy because I really am not yet ready to take the exam so that’s when I decided to go home instead and start fresh and did self-review. I’m glad that my decision was right and didn’t regret it which I also thought of what if I would just waste time again get comfy with bed and be lazy again lol like seriously having wifi at home 24/7 and with my fangirling self who cant live without using twitter lurking for Justin Bieber is just not so me so that’s why I didn’t even went hiatus on fangirling waha I once read a post that you dont have to deprive yourself from doing what you love to do. yes, as long as if it makes you happy then there’s no problem with that (of course as long as you also have to balance it with studying) mehe so in my case, I made Justin as my caffeine and inspiration to motivate me to study. Self-reviewing is hard but definitely a challenge. It would literally test your patience and self-discipline inorder to be productive. When it was announced that the PLE would be on March 2017 already, that’s the time I feel like woah God is now giving me more time and this is my only last chance inorder to make it and pass the boards. so around December-February was literally the months of me reading/studying notes EVERYDAY. I made a schedule for every week like I have to finish this in a week and on the following weeks different modules again until I’d be able to finish it. I did have 13hours of studying everyday and the only breaks I had was performing obligatory prayers. I’m glad that those months were like the wake up call for me like seriously did try my best to follow my sched and fortunately I did (tho to be honest I also had some rests and fangirling days haha but that was just kinda reward for myself to get me back on track again to inspire me phase haha) I finished reading my notes ONLY ONCE tbh like from December till the end of February then also studied PACOP 2000 (Green/Manor manual) also ONLY ONCE 10 days before I leave for Cebu (March 4) as I believe that it would still be freshly remembered in mind. Then, when it was exactly 1 week left before boards, I still didn’t stop reviewing because I’m kinda used to cramming and I feel like I really need it so I also indulge myself doing late night prayers just to calm myself and pray to get rid of anxiety and fear (tho to be honest there was a day before boards I think that I suddenly break down and cried, thought of I just had to lessen whatever my heart is feeling lol) growing up not having achievements during highschool and college days was so depressing and really cant help not to self-pity and since I’m just an average student and I never get 1.0 unlike my siblings. But then it also made me realized that I should stop doubting myself start believing that I could also make it, I have to believe in myself, I have to believe that I can and so I will. I’m not that smart but I have goals so that what motivated me to do well on my last few days of review, I put in mind that I studied and worked hard for this and I just want my parents and fam to be proud of me. :) so Alhamdulillah ya rabb for the answered duaas. words are not even enough to express how happy I am that I finally have the 3 letters that I dreamed to have. it is indeed a pain in the ass and an ass to work for. Every single tear sweat and hardships are now worth it! so the bottomline with my blogpost, I just wanted to share and hopefully might inspire those who are perhaps also like me. Just… NEVER SAY NEVER. Believe In Everything Because Everything is Reachable. this is my life motto by Justin Bieber waha indeed the key to success is FAITH and PERSEVERANCE. BELIEVE You can and You will ;) ps: I knew I was given this name for a reason and felt even MORE blessed when I already had the 3 letters next to it. and even if I may be just an average type of person and not even that good in writing, that doesnt make me less of a person and it wont stop me from achieving my dreams and be the best version of me. This is my dream career and I’m definitely looking forward for what God has in store for me and I know that I was given a PURPOSE to help those who are in need from a druggist. I am hella lazy but hardworking type of person also somehow (promoting myself bc I need a job) wahahaha **That would be all waha thank you. Your Happy and Proud Belieber Pharmacist, Sidra “Hera” Tan Ahmad (Sidratul Muntaha Tan Ahmad, RPh)
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